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nigestuff-blog1 · 5 years

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The Philippines

I have been living in the Philippines for over two year and thought I would write a bit about the people their culture, plus the general differences. Before I do, please be advised that I consider myself a realist. I am an engineer and as such only think in black and white, right or wrong, there are no grey areas with me. If you are the type who lives in the grey area don’t read on as it will upset, you. I have lived in a lot of places around the world, primarily the UK and USA which are very much different to here. I came here on vacation and never went back home, I love the place. I live on Samal Island near Davao City which suits me as I am more of a country bumkin than a town dweller. Within the following headings I will make comparisons with the UK, but I am sure they will ring true for other countries like Australia, Canada, USA, and Europe. It has become apparent that if you don’t understand the culture of the people and their country, it will eventually wear you down, primarily due to your lack of your understanding. I will refer to us as white nose as this is the nick name they give us, with no offence intended by them. The first heading is all about becoming a permanent residence, for those of you who are thinking about staying, before we get into the differences. So here we go:

Becoming a Permanent Resident

There are only two ways:

1. Residence Visa for the Philippines (this is what I have)

If you are legally married to a Filipino citizen, you may apply for the permanent Resident Visa (13A) as stated of the Philippine Immigration Act of 1940, Section 13. You must meet the following requirements:

· Joint letter addressed to The Commissioner of Immigration and notarised.

· Notarized letter of application by the Filipino spouse

· Accomplished and Notarized General Application Form

· Copy of the birth certificate of the Filipino spouse, authenticated by the NSO (National Statistics Office)

· Authenticated copy of the Marriage Contract by the NSO or Philippine Embassy abroad (if you got married abroad)

· Local Police clearance

· National Bureau of investigation (NBI) clearance

· Immigration Clearance Certificate

· Copy of the foreigner’s passport showing the date of arrival and Visa

· pay about 20,000, - Pesos in total for fees (10,000 for application and another 10,000 for approval)

After the application is submitted, you have a hearing with the attorney at the Immigration office where they explain the law regarding your visa. It may take several months before you will finally receive your Resident Visa Card. After the first application, your Resident Visa will be granted for only one year.

After one year you'll have to submit another application but in a simpler way and the Visa then will be good for 10 years, before it needs to be extended again. This costs PHP300 a year to keep up.

2. Retirement - Residence Visa for the Philippines (My brother Gary has this one)

Another way to get a permanent residence visa for the Philippines, is the Retirement Visa or SRRV Visa. This Visa does not depend on whether you are married to a Filipino citizen or not, like the 13A Visa but it is based on a money deposit in an accredited Philippine bank.

The Philippines advertise this kind of visa with some advantages such as: Exemption from Customs Duties & Taxes for the importation of personal effects of up to 7000 US$, Exemption from Travel Tax, if your stay in the Philippines is no longer than 1 year, Exemption from the Immigration Exit Clearance and Re-Entry Permits, Exemption from the Immigration I Card/annual registration requirement and Exemption from securing special study permit or study visa for child/children.

Please note that the application for this visa is a very complicated and time-consuming process. Don't give up!

There are basically four groups of people who may apply for the SRRV Visa:

35 -49 years old: 50,000 US$ Deposit

over 50 years old without pension: 20,000 US$ Deposit

over 50 years old with pension: 16,000 US$ Deposit. The pension must be at least 800 US$ for a single or 1000 US$ for married couples.

The deposit for SRRV Classic is convertible into an investment of at least 50,000 US$

35 Years and older: 20,000 US$ Deposit

Deposit is not convertible into an investment and must be locked in the bank

The Deposit may be withdrawn when the SRRV Visa is cancelled.

35 years and above and a former Filipino citizen

50 years and above for Ambassadors & retired Diplomats: (1600 US$ Deposit)

35 years and above: 10,000 US$ Deposit plus

pre-existing medical condition that requires medical or clinical care services

a pension remitted to the Philippines of at least 1500 US$

With all the visa’s here you must be extremely patient as the bureaucracy is outrageous.

Please note you won’t get an NBI clearance if you have any sort of police record here in the Philippines, like caught smoking on the street or a road traffic offence. (watch it) You can of course operate on a tourist visa and keep extending it every two months for a fee of PHP3000-5000 a pop, no consistency in the fee , I think it depends on which way the wind is blowing! Costly and I think the time on this is running out as the Philippines will inevitably fall in line with most other countries and only grant you a maximum of 3 months on a visitor visa. Please note, you can only drive over here for 3 months on your UK licence, unless you get a visa that lasts for 1 year then apply for a Filipino driver’s licence. You can’t open a bank account with any Filipino banks unless you have a permanent residence visa. You can never vote or own land in the Philippines.

Social Values:

‘READ THIS BIT CAREFULLY’

This is the most important difference from Filipinos to any other western culture. On face value you might think ‘so what’ but if you don’t fully understand the implications of this, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble over here. The following values are drummed into all the children from a very young age:

· Paggalang (Tagalog) Respito (Bisaya) The English translation means to be respectful or to give respect to another people.

· Pakikisama (Tagalog) Matinabangon (Bisaya) (Helping Others) has the connotation of getting along with other people in general. Very, Very important here.

· Utang na Loob (Tagalog) Naay Kabalos sa usag- usag (Bisaya) The English translation means, Debt of Gratitude.

· Pagpapahalaga sa Pamilya (Tagalog) Unahon ang Pamilya (Bisaya) The English translation means Family First.

· Hiya (Tagalog) Ka-ulaw (Bisaya) The English translation means , Shame, again Very, Very important here.

Notice there is nothing about honouring your financial depts, it’s all bit wishy washy for us westerners but means a lot to them. The above values are like a religion to these people and if not followed, shows a great deal of disrespect and the consequences would be shame beyond belief. If you insult somebody in a public place or on the road and they have witnesses, they can report you to the local Barangay. You could find yourself being arrested and prosecuted as this is a crime here. So, don’t go shooting your big mouth off in a shop, restaurant or any other public place because you think the service is shit. Don’t start arguing with anyone, even your wife in a public place, this shows a great deal of disrespect and the shame of it is cause for alarm by the onlookers!! Filipino’s are not directly confrontational or assertive verbally, instead they employ passive aggression. Firstly, they will clam up on you if you start shouting at them, then they will go out of their way to be incredibly unhelpful to you for evermore. Be advised, if you push them too far with verbal insults in a public place, their embarrassment might incite them to just stick a knife in you!! Notice, they are knifing you because you have embarrassed them in public, not because of what you have said. For the Filipino, it’s all about keeping face and what other people might think about them, where as in England we don’t give a shit what other people think. We have a saying in the UK, ‘sticks and stone will hurt your bones but calling names can’t hurt you’ Here is the complete opposite, it does hurt them deeply, and they can’t tolerate it, so don’t do it. We white nose can’t help venting our spleen when some f**king idiot pisses us off. Personally, if I get wound up about anything, I let my wife sort it out. She is incredibly patient and nice to them, cajoling them into being co-operative, it takes time but eventually works. I just bugger off somewhere to calm down, have a coffee and a smoke that seems to help. So, what a big difference in the culture, I remember in the USA the kids had a lesson in school on assertiveness, this would not wash over here. I’ve heard, one of the reasons Filipino’s make great soldiers is when the enemy starts shooting at them, they regard it as a massive insult. Our soldiers take cover while they stand up and start blazing away at the enemy in shear anger. Shame is another big thing to the Filipino, if they have an obligation to pay a debt 9 times out of 10 they will pay as the shame of other people knowing they are bad debtors would be unbearable. People here think twice about cheating in a relationship because once the public find out the shame would eat them alive! The shame of anything they do also extends to their immediate family which compounds the problem further. Shame also has some annoying and negative traits, for instance, my family will never tell me if they have broken something. They don’t even tell me if something is not working even if they haven’t broken it. This is so annoying, as I only find out when I come to use it. They do this, as they always prefer to avoid conflict and can’t bear the shame of being told off. They will even lie to me about the problem rather than being honest about it to avoid the shame. To me, this trait is childish, but I must live with it as this is their mind set and culture. Furthermore, don’t expect eye contact during any confrontations, just like your pet dog, it is impossible for them to look you in the eyes! I England this is considered incredibly rude and suggests the person you are arguing with is has something to hide or is lying.

Religion:

· Roman Catholic Christianity - 70% Roman Catholicism is the largest religion in the Philippines. ...

· Protestant Christianity - 17% Protestant Christianity is the second largest religious group in the Philippines. ...

· Islam - 5 to 10% ...

· Iglesia ni Cristo (Philippine Church of Christ) - 2% ...

· Buddhists - 2% ...

· Other - 6.6%

Yes, they all claim to be religious people, but underneath in my opinion they can’t be. I always got the impression that religion teaches people right from wrong and to love ‘all creatures great and small’. That’s not what I see here with all the corruption going on and perpetual lies from the top down. On top of that, the Catholic church here is just as corrupt as the Vatican. interesting to note when a paedophilia case crops up in the news its always the Catholic church involved, I can sight many cases, but you know what I am talking about. The people here are shocked when they ask me if I am religious and I tell them I am a Humanist. Interesting to also note, that most wars and disputes are caused by religion across the world. I do believe there was a guy called Jesus and I can also understand why the Romans killed him.

Getting a Drivers Licence

Most Filipino’s don’t have one of these as it cost too much for them, currently PHP850 (£12.50) It’s quite amusing on this Island when the LTO is out in force, everybody hides in the jungle until they have gone. There are two ways to get a licence in the Philippines, you can do it the right way like I did with the LTO (land Transport Office) or you can get a fixer to have one made for you. (maybe for 3000- 5000 peso’s) It saddens me to know how many of us white noses have chosen the latter. All these guys are doing is supporting the corruption here in this country. (lazy wankers) Of course as stated above, you must have a visa that lasts one year to qualify for a licence, perhaps therefore a lot of white nose here flaunt the law. When you get the licence it only qualifies you to drive a motorbike (no limit on how many cc) and a car/ 4x4. Even if you are an HGV driver in the UK it makes no difference. Anyway, once you have your one-year visa, just bob along to the LTO office and apply, it only took me an hour, it last 5 years then you must go back to renew it.

Running a car or motorbike

From new, the car or bike must be checked by the environmental department for emission test and then checked by the LTO (Land Transport Office) for condition of the vehicle every year. The biggest problem here is how long it takes the LTO to provide registration on your car or bike. They take so long to produce the registration plates they must issue temporary numbers. This could take from 1-3 months and without it you can’t get insurance on your vehicle. The LTO and the police don’t care if you don’t have insurance on your vehicle as they regard this as your choice and see it as a civil matter. If you have a serious accident, then you will have to pay out of your own pocket, if you don’t or can’t, you’re going to jail. So, I have a bit of fun with this and when I see one of the car retailers in the mall trying to sell their latest model, I can’t resist it. I tell them I will buy the 1.7 million-peso 4x4 with cash today, providing they can get me insurance to drive it on the road that day. The best offer I had was Ford, who claimed they had a special deal with the LTO and could get my new registration within a month. I asked them, how would I get it to my home if I was not prepared to drive it without insurance, they said they would put it on a transporter for me and deliver it!! I could then admire my new car sat in the driveway for a few months until the LTO got around to giving me a temporary number! Is interesting that the LTO can be as late as they like about this but fine you P1000 if you are a day late in registering your vehicle once a year. The cost of re-registering your car is about P6000 a year, plus penalties of course. In England you get the new number plate and insurance for your new vehicle within ½ hour and it would be a big offence if I drove it without insurance on our roads. By the way, I bought a new motorbike 2 years ago… still waiting for the official number plate from the LTO.

Common Sense / Logic

The Filipino seems to be deficient in this area, let me give you some examples. As mentioned I have a Pam boat which I uses for pleasure trips and commercial Island-hopping tours. I had it in dry dock one day doing some minor repairs and painting, when a lady appeared on the shore and asked if she could rent the boat today for a tour. Now bear in mind, this was 10;00 am in the morning and the tide was fully out, due to be back in at 5:30pm. It was one of those moments where everyone on the boat stopped working and just looked at one another! What did this lady want us to do? Perhaps drag a 7-ton boat across the sand about 50 metres and get it back into the sea? She was really pissed off when I told her we couldn’t do it. Another time I had a guy come to my house about 5:00am in the morning, woke me up and ask if he could rent the boat that day!! Don’t these people ever plan ahead, is everything just done on an impulse? I watched the carpenter working on my boat one day, I asked him to put a wooden brace in the hull, so I could mount a water tank. I am so glad I did, as he was going to put the brace right across where the engine cooling fan rotates, that would have been interesting when I start the engine. The same guy once replaced the steering ropes on the boat but connected them backwards so when you moved the steering wheel the rudder went in the wrong way. I guess this would work if the captain sat facing backwards and looked through a periscope to steer. (remember the SPV on Captain Scarlet) I took my truck to a local repair shop, it had a slight leak on the radiator and the alternator belt needed tightening as it was slipping. He took out the radiator and made the repair to the leak, at this point I thought he would tension the alternator belt as it was in clear view without the radiator being in the way. No, he replaced the radiator then spent about a f**king hour trying to get at the tensioning bolt on the alternator bracket, which was now difficult to get to due to the radiator hoses in the way. It would still be easy to do, if you could produce 50 newton metres of torque at your fingertips!! I can’t watch……. time for a coffee and a cigarette!! Finally, my brother is always complaining about this one as he is a big guy with big hands. The door knobs here are always set too close to the door jam. When you go to open the door, your hand gets trapped between the handle and the door jam, it bloody hurts!! I could go on sighting other examples, but I think you get the picture.

Gambling

Guess this comes with the territory, if you don’t have much money in the first place what better way to get more by just gambling! As anyone knows with any modicum amount of common sense ‘gambling only pays if you are winning’. It’s a common thing throughout the world that poor people always take to gambling to try and improve their lives. Here in the Philippines, gambling is almost an obsession, mainly playing cards or mahjong. They are also obsessed with Cock fighting and on this island, there are lots of people rising birds just for that purpose. I’ve been to some cock fights which is primarily a guy’s thing. Money is flying everywhere as the prize cocks battle it out with sharp razor blades fastened to one of their legs. The show doesn’t last long, maybe 30-45 seconds before one of the cocks is dead. Amazingly, there is no trouble at these events, which you would think there would be. With the average age of the guys around 30 years old, money flying everywhere, everyone shouting and lots of booze on tap. (back to their family values)

Human Right

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte has told a U.N human rights expert who said the country’s judicial independence was under threat to ‘go to hell’, warning against interference in domestic affairs. Basically, Duterte is right, this country and I dare say others, needs to get tough on drugs and terrorism. Human rights have become a joke, in England prisoners can study for a degree and have the right to vote in major elections. Remember president Duterte is a clever man, he is a lawyer and has made Davao City one of the safest places to live during his 21 years as mayor. In one of his speeches to the nation he explained how much it cost the state to legally convict a known drug criminal. He then went on to explain to everyone how much a bullet costs the nation. He knows, its not just the cost of convicting these guys, it’s the message he wants to get over to them if they persist in their activities. The people here love him, because he is making the Philippines a safer place to live. As a family man, he is genuinely concerned about the influence drugs have on the children and how it can ruin their lives. He has at his disposal the police, army and his death squad. Known drug dealers may spend some time in prison, but when they get out their life expectancy is limited. So called civilised countries like the UK, are so far up their ass with human rights that we can’t even expel foreign terrorist back to his own country. deported radical Islamist cleric Abu Qatada to Jordan ending a decade-long legal battle with UN human rights, to expel the man once dubbed Osama bin Laden's deputy in Europe. That would not be much of a problem for Mr Duterte, the guy would last no more than a week here…… I love it!

Corruption

Yes, poor old president Duterte is trying his best to get rid of this, particularly in government departments. In a way you can’t blame corruption being rife as these people don’t get paid enough or on time so how are they going to feed their families? One of the big differences here compared to the UK is even the police can be bribed. If you did this in the UK, you would be instantly arrested for trying to pervert the course of justice! We in the first world have a different sort of corruption and in a way probably worse than here. For example, there are a lot of Borough councillors in the UK paying them selves’ massive salaries, even more than the Prime Mister gets. When you see them being interviewed on the TV they sound to me like ignorant thugs. Usually is the labour Borough councils that do this (greedy draconian bastards). They use tax payer’s money for the most stupid things and get away with it like building a new town hall, meanwhile the local hospitals are in baddy need of resources and the roads are full of potholes. Wonder why our council taxes are so high, But Hay Ho, the wisdom of the crowd, if that’s who you vote in as a councillor, what do you expect? So, don’t go criticising the 3rd world countries on their corruption when we are no better! At least when Duterte finds out about government departments being corrupt he just has them shot. (With regards to human rights, the rest of the world can stick it up their ass as far as he is concerned,) …. I just love that!

Food

Anything that requires cooling or kept frozen here is expensive, chocolate, ice cream and frozen chicken nuggets for example is about 5 times the price compared to the UK. Why, its obvious really, the power cost to keep this stuff cool in ambient temperatures of 30+ degrees C. When you buy a bar of chocolate, scoff it straight away because it will be liquid by the time you get it home. Eating is at the very top of Filipino’s list, to the white nose, they seemed to be obsessed with it. I was thinking a while ago, where food came in my list of priorities back in England, about number 7 after the mortgage etc,etc.. The Filipino’s as small as they are, consume vast quantities of food a day, providing they can afford to get it. Its interesting to see a wealthy Filipino family getting out of their new 4X4, the car suspension pops up about 10 inches as they alight. Here in the Philippines you are considered wealthy if you are fat , so that’s ok, it’s the complete opposite in the UK. They can certainly eat me under the table (Opps, that sounds a bit vulgar!!) But seriously, they consider any meal without rice, a snack, so a big T bone steak with all the trimmings is just a snack to them. You see rice is a filler, and I believe it keeps on expanding in their stomach until they feel full. They don’t consider they have had enough to eat until they feel full, whereas we white nose don’t need to feel like that after a meal. They are constantly stuffing large quantities of fluffy, sticky tasteless white rice into their faces with every meal. I asked them if they ever get bored with eating the stuff, as I would if I was eating chips with every meal, but no, they literally cannot live without it. They also eat more often than we do, it’s not uncommon for them to have 4-6 meals a day. I am guessing is because they don’t get a lot out of all the rice they are eating. (either that or they are all greedy pigs) They don’t seem to like papaya which I think is delicious, but they will eat green unripe mango, dipped in vinegar!! Unlike us Brits who only have vinegar on our fish & chips, they use vinegar on most meals. They don’t like any sort of pickles in vinegar like we do, in fact they think sweet cucumber or pickled onions in vinegar are revolting. Yep, we definitely have different taste in food. I wonder what they would think of our Sunday roast? (a snack without the rice?) The other thing is they don’t seem to eat as much protein as we do (back to the big T bone steak), They tend to chop the meat or fish into small pieces then scoop it up with a large helping of rice with their fingers before masticating it with their mouths open. Have you ever heard a cat eat, well that’s what it sounds like, must be the sticky rice!! (table manners here are completely out the window) Regular table knives are very difficult to get hold of in the shops, as they use a fork and spoon to eat everything. They even attempt to chop up meat with their spoon which is so painful for me to watch. Unlike us, they usually don’t have a drink with their meals, even if the food is dry or spicy, they drink afterwards. They will not have anything to drink before a meal either, it must be something to do with the rice again? The food hygiene is also very poor, I am surprised more of them don’t come down with serious food poisoning. Most meat they eat here is boiled in a pan which as we know is not enough heat to kill all the potential nasties. They don’t roast things in an oven because most of them can’t afford one. They also have no Idea how to store cooked foods, most of the time they just leave it on the table with ambient temperatures above 30 degrees C. Guess what… the f**king ants, flies and rodents are all having a taste of it within half an hour. This doesn’t seem to bother them they just eat it later for a snack. It took me a long time to convince my wife and her daughter to put the cooked food in the fridge. It took me an even greater time to train them not to put raw meats above cooked food in the fridge etc.. I bought two chopping boards, one for raw meats and fish and the other for cooked foods and vegetables, you should have seen their faces when I tried to explain that one. Even though most people here are poor, they always make more food than they can eat in one sitting. Hence food left lying around for later. I still can’t understand why they don’t just make what they are going to eat, must be an Asian thing. They are always celebrating something, from fiesta’s to Funerals every week. This involves free food, and which is the primary reason why they attend. When we go to a party in the UK or a funeral it’s just a drink and a few sandwiches not a feast. Their funerals go on for 9 days where everyone goes around to eat, drink and play cards. That’s another thing, they like to get to a party as early as they can, before the food runs out! I say to my wife who is a philopena, why are we going at 5:00pm, can’t we wait until around 8:00pm? As this would be the normal time to turn up in the UK, no point, the food would have run out by then. My wedding was a typical example of this, we had loads of food but when it ran out they all cleared off about 8:30pm, I did see one or two of them stuffing food into plastic bags to take home with them for a snack later, leaving a few white nose friends and I drinking until 11:30pm. They also eat some rather disgusting foods, such as smelly Durian and even smellier dried fish. I have banished this from the house and told them to eat it outside, how can they complain about a blocked drain or my cigarette smoke after eating that? Beef, fresh pasteurised milk and cheese is very difficult to get here. They are not big on dairy farming but love raising pigs and goat, so guess what’s on the menu. I am always stopping them from removing the seeds out of a tomato, they think if they eat them, they will get appendicitis!! Their supermarkets are another thing, most of the shelves are stuffed with junk food or small sashays of essentials, from washing powder to coffee. The super markets cater for the smaller shops called ‘Sari Sari’ stores as these are their main customers, hence the small sashays… which they stock. You don’t see washing powder or coffee in what we would consider family size packs, (the economical way to buy the product) probably because most people here could not afford to buy it this way. You go to the meat counter where you find only chicken and pork, forget about beef. Its poor-quality pork covered in fat and lying there most times at an ambient temperature of 30-degree with a member of staff waving off the fly’s. Tined foods like Corn beef and Tuna are also very low quality, you open the can to find a slurry of shit! I’ve seen tined cat and dog food that looks and smell better in the UK. I think they get most of their canned foods from China. The kids here eat a lot of crappy hot dogs with rice and seemed to love it along with corpus quantities of sugary soft drinks, could you imagine giving your kids that on a regular basis in the UK, not very nutritious!! Diabetes is becoming a very big problem here due to their diet of sugar laden food along with vast quantities of rice. Even their bread is laced with sugar, it tastes more like poor quality cake to me. I’ve taken to making my own food like homemade country style ham, I buy the pork from a reputable butcher here and cure it myself. (Ah a taste of home) The beer here is dominated by Sam Miguel, which for a Britt, is shit in a bottle. It’s a fizzy lager which gives you serious acid indigestion if you drink too much of it. I think they should sellotape a couple an-acid tablets to every bottle. The Americans, Canadians, Swiss and even Germans don’t seem to mind it as this is the sort of shit beer they drink back home. Note I would not include the Australians in this list as they have real beer like us Britt’s although Fosters is only a little better than Sam Miguel! You know why the Australians call the other stuff Castlemaine four XXXX? because they can’t spell PISS! If this beer is not super cool to hide its true taste, it is virtually un-drinkable, just like Coors shite, I mean lite, in the USA. God what I would give right now for a steak and onion sandwich on crusty roll with a pint of London Pride or John Smiths smooth flow!!

Diabetes:

This is becoming a real problem in the Philippines.

On a personal note, in England I was diagnosed as a type two diabetic. I was constantly taking metformin to control my blood sugar level. It’s interesting that doctors prescribe Metformin and insulin to manage this disease. All this medication is doing is treating the symptoms not the cause and it is certainly not the cure! Consequently, the sufferer becomes more and more dependent on the medicine, it’s a vicious circle!! The pharmaceutical companies are making a fortune from this while the people with the disease eventually die from it! Due to the inclement weather, lack of exercise plus the food I was eating in the USA and the UK, I weighed around 87 kg. I come over here and after 6 months due to a different diet of more fruit and vegetables my weight drops to 75kg. Guess what? my blood sugar goes down to less than 6 and stays there, I don’t need the metformin anymore. My blood pressure also dropped accordingly which suggest to me that the biggest contributing factor to Diabetes is being overweight and eating the wrong foods. So, to put it bluntly, being a fat lazy bastard is one sure fire way of getting diabetes in your 50’s. Doctors in the UK can’t say to their patients ‘you have diabetes because you are a fat bastard’, this would be regarded as discrimination and that’s illegal in the UK. I was always checking my blood sugar in the UK with one of those electronic devices pricking my fingers for a sample… today I have a much better test… the mosquitos here only bite me if my blood sugar is elevated! In the UK you are referred to as a ‘FAT BASTARD’ if you are fat and a ‘SKINNY GITT’ if you are thin, guess I am a gitt now! By the way people, if you want a sure-fire way of losing weight, cancel the gym membership and stop putting loads of unhealthy food in your mouth… that works! Here in the Philippines, lots of people are dying from Diabetes because they simply cannot afford the medicine. Just like the rest of the world their doctors are treating the symptoms and not addressing the cause. If they addressed the cause it would save these people a lot of money and they would live longer. Without exception Filipino’s get fat by the time they are 35-40 due to their poor diet and lack of exercise, particularly the females, it’s a shame as the foods that would save them grow in abundance here and are not expensive. Their culture of eating rice and other carbohydrate foods does not help. I just can’t get my friends and family here to eat raw vegetables and lots of fruit, they much prefer to eat rice, boiled meat and boiled vegetables. They also eat lots of junk food complemented with copious quantities of soft drinks. In a way they remind me of children, they just can’t get enough sugar in their foods. Education also plays a big part in this as most of them know nothing about good nutrition and food hygiene.

Language

With over 7000 islands in the Philippines it’s not surprising they have a lot of native languages. Tagalog is the main language taught in schools and is what everyone can speak here. On this Island they speak Bisaya which I am learning slowly. Interestingly both languages are sometime difficult to explain things, so they revert to English as it’s a quicker way to get their point over. You will notice during any conversation they throw in English words or even full sentences, I tease them and tell them to speak their own language. This surely proves that English is a better language to converse in when they must hijack ours from time to time. They have no native words for Car, TV, Mobile phone, Fridge, microwave etc, because we invented them, so how could they have a native word for it. A lot of the sentences they say are said backwards compared to English, example ‘Bring me to the house of my parents’ I think they have a touch of Master Yoda about them. Staying on the Star War theme, when you listen to them talking, they sound like Ewoks from the forest moon of Endor!! On last thing is that the English they use is strongly influenced by American language. Lots of incorrect spellings and pronunciation of words which can be very annoying to the Britt’s. I of course am correcting this slowly with my wife, daughter and close friends, so they do end up speaking good English. By the way the Filipino’s have no ‘C’ in their alphabet!!

Holidays:

Date

Weekday

Holiday Name

Holiday Type

1 Jan

Monday

New Year's Day

Regular Holiday

16 Feb

Friday

Chinese Lunar New Year's Day

Special Non-working Holiday

25 Feb

Sunday

People Power Anniversary

Special Non-working Holiday

21 Mar

Wednesday

March Equinox

Season

29 Mar

Thursday

Maundy Thursday

Regular Holiday

30 Mar

Friday

Good Friday

Regular Holiday

31 Mar

Saturday

Black Saturday

Special Non-working Holiday

1 Apr

Sunday

Easter Sunday

Observance

9 Apr

Monday

The Day of Valour

Regular Holiday

13 Apr

Friday

Lailatul Isra Wal Mi Raj

Common local holiday

1 May

Tuesday

Labour Day

Regular Holiday

14 May

Monday

Special Non-Working Day

Special Non-working Holiday

12 Jun

Tuesday

Independence Day

Regular Holiday

15 Jun

Friday

Eidul-Fitar

Regular Holiday

21 Jun

Thursday

June Solstice

Season

21 Aug

Tuesday

Eid al-Adha (Feast of the Sacrifice)

Regular Holiday

21 Aug

Tuesday

Ninoy Aquino Day

Special Non-working Holiday

22 Aug

Wednesday

Eid al-Adha Day 2

Common local holiday

27 Aug

Monday

National Heroes Day holiday

Regular Holiday

12 Sep

Wednesday

Amun Jadid

Muslim, Common local holiday

23 Sep

Sunday

September Equinox

Season

1 Nov

Thursday

All Saints' Day

Special Non-working Holiday

2 Nov

Friday

All Souls' Day

Observance

2 Nov

Friday

Additional Special Non-Working Day

Special Non-working Holiday

21 Nov

Wednesday

Maulid un-Nabi

Common local holiday

30 Nov

Friday

Bonifacio Day

Regular Holiday

8 Dec

Saturday

Feast of the Immaculate Conception

Special Non-working Holiday

22 Dec

Saturday

December Solstice

Season

24 Dec

Monday

Christmas Eve

Observance

24 Dec

Monday

Additional Special Non-Working Day

Special Non-working Holiday

25 Dec

Tuesday

Christmas Day

Regular Holiday

30 Dec

Sunday

Rizal Day

Regular Holiday

31 Dec

Monday

New Year's Eve

Special Non-working Holiday

Will you just look at all the holidays they have, if we took as many in the UK nothing would get done!! Pretty much every month they are on holiday for something.

On top of this there are local district holidays:

· Semestrial week off every 6 months for schools

· UN day ( united nations day) runs from 20-26 October for schools

· Annual day off for celebration the anniversary of the local town

· Annual day of for celebrating the anniversary of the Barangay (Bourgh Council)

· Annual day off for celebration the founding of a school etc etc

· Local elections

Funerals

When someone dies here it’s a big event for the family and friends involved. First the body is taken to the funeral home where it is prepared and put in a coffin. Then the body is delivered back to the relative’s home who keep it in the house for 9 days. (very macabre) During this period friends and family visit the house where the spouse of the deceased is expected to provide food and drink all day and night. The people pay their respects then sit around eating, drinking, talking and gambling. This costs the poor immediate relatives a fortune. Wait for it, sometimes the body must be returned to the funeral home to drain off more fluids!! I have attended 4 such events in the last 2 years, it’s very strange. Don’t forget the body is sitting in ambient temperature of 30+ deg C which would not be allowed in the UK as this would violate public health laws. I am guessing they keep the rats and other vermin off the body by standing vigil over it all night or putting the lid on the coffin. Must admit some coffins have a sheet of glass over the body for that very purpose. (doesn’t bare thinking about)

Services

This is a biggest bone of contention for most white nose here, because in most stores despite the grossly over staffing it takes for ever to get served. A common thing you will hear is ‘we are out of stock’!! I have heard this at Mc Donald’s and Dunkin Doughnuts, they said they were out of stock on coffee, can you believe that. (Noticeable they weren’t out of stock on rice) So you go to the hardware store to buy say 20 off 6mm bolts and some electrical connectors. Here’s how it goes, you go to the service desk and tell them what you want, after a half an hour wait they have it on the counter. Then they hand write out a receipt for the goods, at which point you would expect to pay and leave. Ho no, now you must go stand in a line at the cashier desk to pay for the goods for another hour. The cashier gives you a receipt and you must dutifully take this back to the first counter and again wait in line for another half an hour. They then package the goods for you (which is painful to watch) and hand you your receipt stating you have paid for the goods. Then… wait for it… you must stand in another line for an hour at the security desk before you leave. At the security desk they tear open your package and count every item shown on your receipt. Then they wrap your goods up again and only now can you leave (total of 3 hours in a very hot sticky hardware shop). (B&Q UK, for same goods takes maximum 10 mins even if there is a big line. I asked why they have such a slow complicated system; the reply was that the owner doesn’t trust the staff. No wonder the Filipino is a patient person. Talking about hardware stores, they don’t seem to have any logic with their stock. Plumbing gear is the worse, they have the pipe, but not all the fittings like reducers or tee pieces, god knows how the plumber here does his job! It’s the same story with electrical gear, wonder if the owner is a practical person or are, they just stupid? The government bodies are steeped in bureaucracy and everything is done by hand, not computerised. Even those agencies that have computers like the NBI and Immigration still do everything with carbon copies and ink fingerprints… then do it again on their computer system just for good measure! Everything must be done in triplicate and signed on every page and notarised. I counted how many times I had to sign every paper for my citizenship card and it was 42 times. (I guess this is to try and eliminate a fixer getting you a residence visa). I have a Pam Boat here in the Philippines and the documentation I needed from the Marina was outrageous. It ended up being 14 pieces of paper which cost PHP 18,000 and took a total of 12 months to complete. I owned a yacht in the UK about the same size and to operate it was only 3 bits of paper and took a week to complete.

Home

This is where I think the Filipino gets their patients and tolerance of their fellow man. They look after their old folk and each other which puts our way of life to shame. Consider this… nobody dies alone here. Most of the houses they live in resemble that DIY garden shed that you could buy from any good hardware store in the UK. This is where we keep out garden tools and lawn mower, so they don’t get wet and rust because it’s always raining in the UK. I was astounded to find out how many of them lived in one tiny house. I asked my wife ‘where do they all sleep’? she told me they all sleep on the living room floor lined up like sardines’ that’s the coolest place she said. Do they all have a mattress to sleep on? No most of the time its just lie on the hard floor all night. The amazing bit is there is no fighting about ‘who’s got my socks, where’s my shorts etc, they all get along without any trouble. In the UK even the unemployed have a nice council house and the more kids they have the more bedrooms they have. If families in the UK had to live like this, there would be fights every day maybe even murders. This is when you realise the difference from 1st world country to a 3rd world country. It’s interesting to see that they all seem to manage to have a mobile phone sticking out of their back pocket but live in squalor. The other thing that differs greatly here from the UK is that it is truly a family house, grandparent usually own it and most of their kids and grandkids live with them. Because this is a catholic country, family planning is non-existent, so most of them have 3 to 5 kids on average. I’ve also seen a lot of young teenage girls here with babies, so much for contraception and education from schools and parents! Cooking at home is simple, most of it done over burning sticks they found in the jungle and a pot, hence the boiling of meat all the time as mention previously. This is usually performed outside because of the dense smoke it produces. The one thing most Filipinos will spend money on is a good karaoke set with the biggest amplifier and speakers they can get their hands on. On a housing estate you can hear several of these sets competing all through the night. Nobody complains about the noise because they are all making it. In the UK we pay for council tax and it’s a lot of money every month depending on the size of your house. Here they don’t pay this at all and their Barangay get funding directly from the main government. In the UK when parents die and leave an expensive property to their children the government want 20% inheritance tax from the estate. Here there is no such tax, in fact, they have very few taxes compared to the UK. It’s not surprising as the people here could not afford to live if they were buried under the UK style tax system. Come to think of it, neither does working families in the UK so they must claim for income support from the government, which is just churning money around the system rather than doing the right thing and lowering taxes.

Social Benefits:

Before we get into this one, I must tell you the big difference from the UK compared to the rest of the world. The working people and companies are heavily tax in the UK to support the social benefits that have evolved in the UK over many years. I was talking to a good friend of mine who is a general manager of an engineering firm in South Africa. He was telling me he works hard to pay for not just the roof over his head but to pay for the following:

· Kids’ education

· Medical insurance

· Medicine for his family and his mother in law that suffers from diabetes.

This struck a cord with me as he was working hard for things that in the UK are free to those who don’t work. So, he has a greater incentive to go to work and keep a job, where people would not get out of bed in the UK to do the same thing. The fact is that families who are not working in the UK can claim for benefits that are worth more than the job they could get. This can’t be right can it? This is a disincentive to get a job but the same people in the UK complain about Eastern Europeans taking their low paid jobs!! People who do work hard in the UK never say I am working hard to pay my NI contributions and tax, wonder why?

Here is a list of benefits which can be claimed by jobless and low paid people in the UK:

Adult social care

Help with paying for care, especially in old age, such as help washing and dressing, is conducted on a council-by-council basis and so the level of assistance depends on where you live.

Attendance Allowance

A tax-free benefit for those aged 65 or over who are physically or mentally disabled and need help to be looked after. There are two rates of up to £71.40 a week.

Bereavement Allowance

A weekly rate of up to £97.65 paid for up to 52 weeks from the date of death of a husband, wife or civil partner.

Bereavement Payment

The £2,000 payment is a one-off tax-free lump sum to a husband, wife or civil partner of somebody who has died and generally who was under the state pension age.

Budgeting Loans

An interest-free loan for those on a low income who need help with certain important costs, such as clothing, furniture and travel.

Carer's Allowance

A taxable benefit for those who look after someone who is disabled. They do not have to be related to, or live with, the person that they care for.

Child Benefit

A universal non-means-tested benefit for parents to claim for their children, but plans to withdraw it for higher-rate taxpayers have proved controversial.

Child Tax Credit

Labour's flagship welfare policy, child tax credits are paid to families with children regardless of whether the parents work.

Child Trust Fund

To be withdrawn completely by the start of 2011, parents were paid a voucher to invest for their children who could access the money at the age of 18.

Cold Weather Payment

Paid to people who are in receipt of certain benefits to help with their additional heating costs during winter. A payment of £25 is made for each seven-day period of very cold weather between 1 November and 31 March - when the average local temperature is recorded as, or forecast to be, freezing (zero Celsius) or below over seven consecutive days.

Community Care Grant

Financial help to live independently in the community for those who have, for example, just moved out of care, or to ease exceptional pressure on them and their family.

Constant Attendance Allowance

To help those who need daily care, are 100% disabled according to medical examination, and who receive Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit or the War Disablement Pension.

Council Tax Benefit

Financial help for those on low incomes to pay their council tax bill.

Crisis Loans

Interest-free loans for those who do not have enough money to meet their, or their families, immediate short-term needs in an emergency or as the result of a disaster.

Disability Living Allowance

A tax-free benefit for disabled people, including children, who have difficulty walking and who need somebody to help look after them. (This can be lucrative as many people get a new car every 2 years from the government. Special cases get an extremely expensive modified vehicle to accommodate a wheel chair)

Employment and Support Allowance

The successor of Incapacity Benefit, it is paid to those with an illness or disability but aims to get them into some kind of work.

Funeral Payments

Help for those on low incomes to pay for a family funeral but might have to be paid back from the estate of the person who has died.

Guardian's Allowance

A tax-free payment of £14.30 a week per child on top of Child Benefit for people who are bringing up children whose parents have died.

Healthcare Travel Costs Scheme

Those on a low income and who need NHS treatment at a hospital, another NHS centre or a private clinic and have been referred by an NHS hospital consultant, doctor or dentist, can apply for help with travel costs at the time of their appointment.

Health Costs

Various options of financial assistance for the young, old and those on low incomes to pay for health costs ranging from dental work to wigs.

Health in Pregnancy Grant

A one-off grant to help with costs in the run-up to a baby's birth - however, this is being withdrawn in 2011.

Healthy Start Scheme

Help for pregnant women and low-income families by giving them vouchers that can be used to buy milk, fresh fruit and vegetables, and also coupons which can be exchanged for free vitamins for women and children. It is the only benefit administered by the Department of Health.

Housing Benefit

Aimed at those who struggle to pay their rent because they have a low income, irrespective of whether they work or not. Planned reforms by the government have proved to be extremely controversial.

In Work Credit

A fixed tax-free payment of £40 per week, or £60 per week in London, for parents bringing up children alone. It is payable for up to 52 weeks on top of earnings.

Incapacity Benefit

A weekly payment for people who become incapable of work owing to illness or disability, which started before 27 October 2008, while under state pension age. It is being replaced by Employment and Support Allowance.

Income Support

Financial support for those on low incomes who have not signed on as unemployed.

Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit

The amount depends on individual circumstances, but this is a weekly payment for those made ill or disabled by certain types of work - such as working with asbestos. It covers accidents, disease and deafness. Those who are self-employed are not eligible.

Industrial Death Benefit

Payable to the widow or widower and children of a person working as an employed earner who died as a result of an industrial accident or prescribed disease. The death must have been before 11 April 1988.

Invalidity Benefit

This was replaced by Incapacity Benefit from April 1995 but is still payable if the invalidity started before April 1995. (free Car)

Job Grant

A one-off, tax-free payment of up to £250 as a stepping stone for those moving from benefits and into work.

Jobseeker's Allowance

The widely recognised main benefit for people of working age who are out of work or work less than 16 hours a week on average, and who are looking for work.

Local Housing Allowance

Similar to Housing Benefit, this is the allowance paid to a private tenant on a low income who is renting property or a room from a private landlord.

Maternity Allowance

This pays a standard weekly rate of £124.88 or 90% of your average gross weekly earnings, whichever is the smaller, to somebody who does not qualify for statutory maternity pay.

Mobility Supplement

Some people might be entitled to a free tax disc if they are disabled and get the higher rate of the mobility component of Disability Living Allowance, War Pensioners Mobility Supplement or have a new car.

Over 80 Pension

A payment of up to £58.50 a week for individuals aged 80 or over who do not get the basic state pension.

Pension Credit

This guarantees a minimum income to those of state pension age by topping up the weekly income to £132.60 for those who are single, and £202.40 for couples. There is also a Savings Credit for those aged 65 and over.

Pneumoconiosis (including asbestosis), Byssinosis and Miscellaneous Diseases Benefit

A benefit paid to the husband, wife or civil partner of somebody who died as a result of pneumoconiosis, byssinosis or certain other diseases which they got from work before 5 July, 1948.

Reduced Earnings Allowance

A payment of up to £58.32 a week for those who do not earn as much as they could owing to a work-related accident or disease that happened before 1 October 1990.

Retirement Allowance

This replaces Reduced Earnings Allowance for those who have reached pension age and have given up regular employment.

Return to work credit

A tax-free payment of £40 per week, payable for up to 52 weeks, for some people returning to work.

School uniform allowances

Help for parents to pay for their children's school uniform but administered on a council-by-council basis.

Severe Disablement Allowance

Paid to those unable to work for at least 28 weeks in a row because of an illness or disability - but no new claims have been accepted since April 2001.

State Pension

Arguably the best-known of all benefits, this is a payment of £97.65 to all those who have reached state pension age - which is set to rise.

Statutory Adoption Pay

Help to take time off work after adopting a child, it is paid at £124.88 or 90% of your average weekly earnings if this is less, for 39 weeks.

Statutory Maternity Pay

For new mothers, this is paid for the first six weeks at 90% of their average gross weekly earnings with no upper limit and - for the remaining 33 weeks - at the lower of either the standard rate of £124.88, or 90% of their average gross weekly earnings. This is one of a series of rights for new parents.

Statutory Paternity Pay

For new fathers, this is paid for one or two consecutive weeks at £124.88 or 90% of their average weekly earnings if this is less. As with maternity pay, they must have worked for the same employer without a break for at least 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due.

Statutory Sick Pay

A standard rate of £79.15 a week, it is paid by employers for up to 28 weeks if somebody is unable to work because of illness.

Sure, Start Maternity Grant

A one-off payment of £500 for each baby to help those on low incomes pay towards the cost of a new baby.

Tax credits

The former Labour government's policy to integrate benefits within the tax system, rather than straightforward handouts. The benefits administered by HM Revenue and Customs consist of Child Tax Credit and Working Tax Credit.

Training premium

A small amount of about £10 a week paid as an incentive to train for a job.

Travel to interview scheme

For those out of work and on benefits, Jobcentre Plus may be able to help pay to get to a job interview.

Unemployability Supplement or Allowance

This is paid to people who suffered industrial injuries, but no new claims have been accepted since 6 April, 1987, when Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit was increased.

Vaccine Damage Payment

A tax-free payment of £120,000 to those severely disabled and whose disability was caused by vaccination against various diseases, such as tetanus.

War Disablement Pension

A pension, dependent on the level of injury, for those injured or disabled as a result of service in the Armed Forces, who are no longer serving in the Armed Forces and who were injured in service before 6 April 2005.

War Widow's/Widower's Pension

A tax-free pension paid to the wife, husband or civil partner of somebody who died as a result of their service in the Armed Forces or during a time of war before 6 April 2005.

Widowed Parent's Allowance

Up to £97.65 a week paid to a parent whose husband, wife or civil partner has died and they have at least one child who they receive Child Benefit for. Previously known as Widowed Mother's Allowance.

Widow's Pension

Payable weekly at a reduced rate for younger widows, the pension can be paid until the widow reaches 65 but if she retires after reaching state pension age of 60 it will usually be replaced by the state pension.

Winter Fuel Payment

This year it will be paid to all those born on or before 5 July 1950. The annual payment can be between £125 and £400 depending on the recipient's situation, to help pay the increased heating bills of winter. It is different to the Cold Weather Payment.

Working Tax Credit

Another element of the tax credits system, it pays in-work credits to people on low incomes through the wage packet including, where appropriate, part of childcare costs.

I’ve gone to the trouble of listing them all as I am so angry about how many there are. You must ask yourself the question … does it pay to work in the UK? I dare say most other countries have nothing like this in place to encourage people to be so lazy!! I guess we are a victim of our own socialistic success, but the UK is already writing checks it can’t afford, sooner or later it will collapse due to lack of funding (tax receipts) and then there will be anarchy on the streets! In the UK people who receive these benefits or if you like, free handouts and calling them their entitlements! What I would like to know is how are they entitled to them if they have never worked for them? The top and bottom of it is in the UK, the more you earn the more tax is taken from your wages at source. This can be disproportionate and discourages people from working overtime or taking that job promotion. As the financial gain is gobbled up by the extra tax you must pay when you fall into the next government tax bracket. Is it a ‘Robin Hood Tax’ , how can it be when the middle classes are relying on these handouts to make ends meet too?

Tax comparison

The UK government collected £690 billion for FY 2017 In comparison the Filipino government collected P1.779 trillion or £ 25.8 billion. If we use this comparison it shows the UK is almost 27 time richer than the Philippines. We have 66.57 million people living in the UK and the Philippines have 104.9 million. This means they have over 1.5 times more people than us paying about 40 times less tax. The middle classes in the UK are buckling under the pressure of taxes, as their wages year on year are not keeping up with inflation and the taxes are increasing every year. Most working families in the UK are on what we regard as the poverty line Hence ‘family tax credits ‘and housing benefits but compared to how people live here, they are rich beyond belief. When I tell people here what the unemployed receive as a package, the free house, car, hospitals, schools, and pretty much everything including cash handouts they just can’t believe it. Most of them said to me, if they got those kinds of benefits here, nobody would go to work!! They asked me why I bothered to go to work in England, I guess the only answer is my pride, in the vain hope of bettering myself after paying 60% of what I earned!! There are only two winners in the UK, the very rich and the unemployed with a family. By the way just one example, you know why Duterte does ’t increase VAT from 12% to the same as the UK’s 20%, because he knows this would financially crucify the poor people that live here.

Jobs

Even the best paid jobs here are poorly paid compared to the UK and the workers don’t seemed to have any rights. I have relations here who are public servant and there is plenty of times when they don’t get paid on time, could be as much as 3 months late. Private sector is even worse, so it begs the question how do they survive. The answer is they turn to pawn shops or money lenders at high interest rates. Unlike the UK where we get paid on time and lavish free money on the unemployed. They can’t starve though, you can always gather food from the jungle and the climate is such that you won’t die of hypothermia at night if you sleep on the beach. The UK in the middle of winter, if you had nowhere to live you probably would die of hypothermia at night and there’s no jungle to get free food from. Because the jobs here are low paid the employees drift from job to job, and when they want to leave, they don’t bother to let the employer know, they just f**k off. This happened to me twice, I employed guys to look after my pam boat as it is fitted with a lot of expensive gear. When they got fed up with the job they just left without telling me and the boat was at the mercy of anyone who wanted to help themselves. I could understand this if I was unfair to them or they didn’t know me but one of them was my brother-in-law and the other was a good friend (I thought) who I had advances considerable money for hospital treatment he needed. The reason they do this is their pride and they feel shameful to come and tell you they are leaving. Average jobs in the UK on the face of it appear to be well paid, but when you factor in the taxes you are really working for the government for 7 months of the year. The UK government need these tax receipts to fund all the free stuff like hospitals, council houses, free schools, benefits to low paid and jobless families. Over here they do get ‘poor piece’ from the government which amounts to P1500 a month for the mother only. The mother gets P1500 and every child gets P1000 a month. Therefore, a family with 3 kids gets P4500 or £66.95 a month. This only lasts three months, then they are on their own! Could you imagine what would happen if that’s all the unemployed in the UK got this to live on.

Driving, Roads & Traffic

You know in England people spend a lot of time and money getting a driving licence for a car or motorbike. Sometimes sitting a test several times before we make the grade. Everything is done in a precise way because we know it would be dangerous otherwise. Our police enforce the law of the road in a very strict manor to ensure the roads are safe to travel on. Here the complete opposite is true, first the police have no jurisdiction on transport, this is done by a separate government body called the LTO (Land Transport Office) They don’t seem to have enough resources behind them and consequently most people flaunt the law. Driving a car here is frustrating, when you park up inevitably the Filipino will park their motor bikes inches away from your front and rear bumper. This is because your vehicle is offering shade for their bike seat from the sun, plus most of them have no concept of how much space a car needs to manoeuvre. In the UK, we would be so angry about this we would just knock the bikes over and drive off!! Here you must wait patiently until the owners return, (don’t shout at them) then quickly drive off before someone else takes the space. What you must understand is here the motorbike is king of the road as everyone has one. This is closely followed by the tricycle and then the car, particularly on this Island are few and far between. The way they look at it, your car is taking up parking space that 6 bikes could have parked in (you, greedy opulent bastard) When driving, you must use your mirrors all the time as the Filipino will pass you on both sides. Even if you are executing a left or right turn and your turn signal is flashing, they will pass your car in front or behind. Again, your car is just a complete nuisance to them and you are just getting in the way, remember cars are a lumbering beast compared to the nimble motorbike. Most people on this Island don’t even have a driving licence and it shows when you see the way they drive. Fortunately, unlike England where everyone is in a mad rush, these people travel very, very slowly, most of the time a maximum of 25kph, accidents here are frequent but most of the time survivable. The tricycles are the main cause of slow traffic as they are grossly underpowered, they only have a 125cc engine, but still manage to carry 14 people. (second gear full chat!)

The road surfaces are extremely poor, the main roads are cement but not laid down with any sort of accuracy and are incredibly bumpy. The rest of the roads are just dirt, covered in potholes and boulders. This is ok for the motor bike but f**king useless for a car, the best thing to have here is a 4x4 truck and driver it slow. I’ve travelled on some of the main highways here and I can tell you, the road surface is crap, they post a 60kph limit and you would be doing well if you could run continuously at that speed. One other point to mention is the ambient temperatures here plays havoc with the cooling systems and lead acid batteries on your car. Most lead acid batteries don’t like temperatures over 25 C and the engine cooling system is always struggling to keep the engine cool. Heat is a killer of all batteries, but high temperatures cannot always be avoided. This is the case with a battery under the bonnet of a car. As a guideline, each 8°C rise in temperature cuts the life of a sealed lead acid battery in half. This means that a VRLA battery for stationary applications specified to last for 10 years at 25°C would only live 5 years if continuously exposed to 33°C and 30 months if kept at a constant desert temperature of 41°C. Once the battery is damaged by heat, the capacity cannot be restored. In the Philippines the battery under the bonnet can reach ambient temperatures of 50+ deg C, therefore the battery life would reduce to 18 months. If a good battery costs P8000, then you are paying P5333 year for a battery!!! To preserve the battery life, position it somewhere cooler on the vehicle, like the boot. Maybe a cooling fan would help increase battery life? The same applies to a boat battery only with the added problem of salt water environment. Not only does the engine have to cope with high ambient temperatures but it is working harder driving the air conditioning on full blast all the time. I can tell you, without air con the interior of your car would reach 60 degrees C in the middle of the day! (totally un-drivable) I don’t care how good you think your air con system is, nothing is ‘bubble tight’ so you find yourself having to get the system re-charge regularly with Freon. Here in the Philippines there are few garages and mechanics who have the correct charging gear and knowledge to do this properly. New cars are fine for a while until the radiator gets covered in flies and the battery gets to about 1 year old. Motorbikes are great providing you are on the move but get stuck in traffic and your brain starts to cook inside your crash helmet! Maybe that’s why the Filipino keeps his helmet at home where it will be safe. On the other hand, fuel is cheap compared to the UK, it is running about 2.5 times cheaper, a lot less tax on it. The LTO stop you if you are not wearing your seat belt in the car and issue you with a fine. This is ironic as they turn a blind eye when 30 -50 people ride standing up in the back of a commercial flatbed truck, with completely no safety restraints at all!! (see picture of school trip)

If this truck hits anything, I would like to suggest everyone on board goes ass over elbow into the jungle! I must admit though, the Filipino is extremely patient on the road, nobody gets excited if your pull-out in front of them at a junction or casually decide to do a U turn across a 4-lane highway. In England this would cause serious road rage, people would be getting out of their cars to kill you!! The other thing is nobody complains where you park your car, in England people get very upset if you park your car on the road side outside their house!! Yep they might be shit drivers, but they compensate a 100-fold with their patients. By the way, have you noticed how many times I’ve said the Filipino is patient? We will get to that later, but it makes you wonder why we are the complete opposite. In the UK you must pay for parking your car just about everywhere, failure to do so generates disproportionate fines. Our Borough Councils are the main cause of this closely followed by the big supermarkets. Since I have been here I have not had to pay for parking anywhere, just like Texas in the USA. One last thing about transport, the Filipino is probably the laziest people I have come across. It’s common place to see lots of people in England walking down the street, its good exercise and saves money on transport. Here, nobody walks, they are in a Jeepney, tricycle, flat bed truck or riding 6 up on a motor cycle. My wife complained to me the other day for walking into town, she said our neighbours would think we were poor and had no money!! When I ask them why they don’t walk, they just say it’s too hot for that. Hey, they should see the weather conditions we walk around in the UK.

Noise

The Filipino is the noisiest people on the planet!! On the roads all you can hear is horns tooting day and night. They convert their motor bike exhausts so that they make 10 times more noise, very childish. They love Karaoke and where ever you go it’s blasting out. Noise pollution doesn’t mean anything to these people, from their point of view, the noisier the better. So, if you want peace and quiet don’t come to the Philippines!! Don’t think you can complain to the authorities about it, they would just laugh in your face. My policy is, if you can’t beat them, join them, I regularly give the neighbours a taste of 500 watts of my old 80’s music.

They must get fed up with it as most of them are young people, but they never complain. Because there are no noise abatement laws over here the airliners climbing out of Davao airport just fly over built-up areas on full throttle. On the roads all you can hear is car and bike horns tooting continuously. The whole place is a relentless cacophony of noise!! You either get use to it or it will completely drive you mad. By the way, note the lady with her finger in her ear, yes, it’s that loud!!

Smoking

You know what is ten times more antisocial than smoking? Someone who is constantly texting on their mobile phone when you are trying to have a conversation with them! Ignorant F**ckers! Also, some fat overweight bastard telling you that you can’t smoke here! Why doesn’t he concentrate on getting his own house in order first?

This is my only vice in life, and I enjoy it, I am always mindful though about how it might affect the non-smoker. I go out of my way to be considerate to others before I light up and always try to dispose of my cigarette butt properly. That said, it angers me that the minority in this world are always singled out by society and picked on. As an engineer I can tell you that the biggest carcinogenic air polluter in this world today, is not the smoker, it’s the internal combustion engine. See this article; https://metro.co.uk/2019/02/01/thick-toxic-smog-making-people-cough-blood-bangkok-pollution-crisis-8423277/ Of course, everyone turns a blind eye to this big problem as we all use motorised transport. The car has also become a status symbol’ look at my big car, look how well off I am’ ( F**k Off) Ask yourself this question, which scenario is survivable, being stuck in an enclosed space for an hour with people smoking or the same space with your car ticking over? (the carbon monoxide chokes my thoughts away ..hay hay) Here in the Philippines strictly no smoking in public places (OK)… and no smoking on the streets (why?) As the jeepneys and badly maintained vehicles roar by belching black smoke everywhere, god help us if there is a hint of cigarette smoke mixed in with it!! Penalty first offence for smoking on the street is P5000. You can smoke in your own car, but with the windows up! Oh yeah, what happens to the smoke when you open the door to get out? Non-smokers always complain about cigarette butts on the ground but fail to see all the other litter! The worst litter of all is chewing gum, this stuff stays on the side walk for ever, its durable rubber, full of bacteria! So, here is a product that is legal to grow, legal to manufacture cigarettes from, legal to tax, legal to sell, legal to purchase but not legal to consume. To address the outdoor smoking issue the Filipino’s have dotted around the city small spaces, usually not under any shade, cordon off with some nylon rope. The Philippines are the only country to my knowledge that have invented magic nylon rope which contain the extremely, and I mean extremely harmful cigarette smoke from the rest of the general public. As you inhale another lung full of smog from the traffic spare a though for this poor chap sweating his balls off in the sun! He’s even checking to see if they are still there!

Can anyone show me on the following chart where the carbon monoxide from cigarette smoking is shown? Carbon monoxide is the main cause of global warming and health problems, I think the people who complain about cigarette smoking should direct their efforts to this problem, its more lightly to kill them in the long run. (See pie chart below)

Ho, a couple of other things I find peculiar about the anti-smoking campaign:

Why is vaping considered just as antisocial as smoking? it contains no nicotine products and is purely water vapour. It cannot harm anyone around and the smell of it is no worse than the smell of most foods. Yet here in the Philippines, the people who vape must come with me to stand behind the magic nylon rope!!

Why is it considered offensive to even hold an unlit cigarette in your mouth in a public place? How is this going to affect anyone around ?

Personally, I think the anti-smoking has gone too far and is extreme discrimination, which is not tolerated in other aspects of life.

You know why countries don’t just completely ban smoking? because they are all making vast amounts of tax on it. Last year in the UK, smoking generated £7.6 billion tax, that’s why. Ho , and cost to the NHS for smoke related diseases was only 3.4 billion. This is government income the non-smokers are benefiting from. Personally, I think the smokers should get top priority in the UK NHS as they have contributed a considerable amount towards funding it. If common sense prevails throughout the world, then you must admit this anti-smoking campaign is a complete and utter farce. The draconian rules on it are in place to satisfy the Holier than Thou small minded dullards, who have nothing better to do in their lives except complain about f**k all. (wins votes though) Funny how these people never complain about the shit coming out of their car exhaust! Maybe the cigarette manufacturers should try to emulate the smell of a cars exhaust when the cigarette is burning.

Hygiene

Here in the Philippines hygiene does not rank as a priority. To start with you see lots of them including women, spitting on the street. Toilet paper is not popular in the ‘CR’ instead they sluice their ass with water out of a bucket. You can always tell if a girl has been to the toilet by the wet patch on their shorts or dress. They are not too worried about this as it dries up quickly in this climate. They don’t seem to understand that the ambient temperatures they live in are in the danger zone for bacteria and food. As mentioned above the food hygiene is bad, I don’t eat any street food here for that reason.

Money & Finance

Planning, what’s that I hear the Filipino saying, money is for spending and then lend some more. Yep, they have no concept of planning probably because they don’t get enough of it for any job they do and are forced to live from day to day. Saying that it doesn’t seem to bother them and most people you see look a dam sight happier than people in England. Why? The banks over here are not regulated like they are in the UK and charge outrageous interest rate. Of course, that doesn’t bother most people here as they don’t have a bank account. This is a cash economy, full stop! Where the paper peso is king. In a way I don’t blame them from not having a bank account and a bank card, the shit I have had with BDO one of the biggest banks here, you would not believe. Some time ago I used my bank card to make two purchases. On both occasions the retailer swiped my card twice because the first time it didn’t work, the swipe machine also did not print a receipt. Eventually I paid the retailer with cash and got a receipt from both. A day later I was looking at my on-line bank statement and to my horror the bank had taken out both transactions twice from each retailer. I took the receipt to the bank to show them I paid cash and asked them to return my money to my account. Here we go… I had to fill in 4 forms at the bank for each transaction then they had to send it to Manila headquarters. After 4 months they said they had lost this information, and could I go back to the bank and do it all over again!! At this point I got an attorney to write a letter to the bank manager in Davao stating that they must return my money with interest immediately or we will take the bank to court. I then went into the bank a week later and asked the manager if she had received the letter and what she was doing about it. She said she had sent it to Manila head quarters but had not heard from them. I asked her to contact them and find out what was going on. She tried to contact them but could not get through…. This is a branch manager who could not get through so what chance do I have? A week later they reimbursed half of the money back into my account, no interest of course. Up shot was they finally returned all my money after a total of 6 months with no interest and no apology. Now if they did this with a lot of customers I can see how BDO gets its interest free capital to invest. The government just lets this sort of thing go on, unlike the UK where the government ombudsman would be on it like a fly on shit!! And the bank could end up getting some hefty fines. It’s interesting whether it’s a bank or a government body, all decisions are made in Manila while the poor folk at the local branches catch all the flack and can’t do a dam thing about it. The other strange thing here is your on-line bank statement takes 3-4 days to be updated. I suspect, it’s because of the poor internet connection and the bank does not invest in their IT and hardware. I bet their server has a massive buffer it is working through to update the customers statements. This creates a problem as the balance on your statement is always showing more than you have got in your account. The retailers here and services such as taxis don’t carry a float. When you try to pay with anything bigger than 200 pesos note they don’t have any change! I once tried to pay a taxi driver with a 1000 peso note (£14), he had to get out of the car and run around all the shops in the vicinity to find some change. This took him about half an hour while I sat in the taxi waiting for him. I tried to explain to him that shops, taxis etc should have a float to be able to give the customer change… Nope, they can’t grasp that concept.

A country of spectators:

This is annoying; the Filipino must lead a very boring life or all of them have a mental age of a 4-year-old, because wherever you go, they are watching you. Reminds me of that song: ‘Why does it feel like… somebody’s watching meeee, and I get no privacy whoo, whoo’

Some examples:

I am unloading my car with previsions to take on my boat…. I get this feeling I am being watched and sure enough when I turn around there are at least 10 people (Adults) just stood there staring at me! Have they never seen a guy unloading his car before I ask?

I am in the supermarket and people are deliberately stopping to look inside my basket to see what I am going to purchase, wonder what is going through their minds’ wow, that’s what a white nose eats!

I am having trouble starting my car, so I flip the bonnet to see what’s wrong, again this draws a big crowd of spectators from the local church, I guess I was more interesting than god. I stopped what I was doing and just stared back at them with a menacing look on my face. No, this didn’t phase them one bit, they just stared at me with blank expressions on their faces!!

I am walking down the street and people across the road stop and stare, shit did I forget to zip up my flies?

The biggest crowd I manged to draw was when I fitted a 2 HP outboard motor to my Banka. (Small boat) There must have been 40 people watching, I shouted in a loud voice, ‘would you like me to sing for you as well?’ They said nothing and continued to just stare at me.

I asked my wife about this and told her in the UK this behaviour would be considered extremely rude, but she told me this is normal in the Philippines, people are just generally nosy. They would not understand why you would get angry about it! In the UK, people would turn around and say to you’ What the f**k are you looking at? You better have a good explanation otherwise it’s goodbye to your front teeth!

Sex & Kids

Yeah, lets change the subject to something more interesting. Like most people on the planet Filipino’s like it and because most of them are not occupied with work, it turns out to be a national past time, hence the number of children produced. I think this country has a population of 100 million, maybe more. People here have children but have not planned how they are going to feed and clothe them; never mind how they are going to afford hospital bills or send them to school. I see lots of kids on the street who are of school age and not at school, so poverty, ignorance and having to pay for schooling really does breed moron’s!! Mind you, that’s also a problem we have in the UK with the unemployed on our massive council estates and the schools are free. Difference is, the poor tax payer must foot the bill over there for those f**kers!! (literally) Just like the UK the unemployed have lots of kids, as this generates more income from the government handouts. I must say this, unlike the council dullards in UK the kids here are very polite and have a more positive outlook on life with less expectations from their parents. Our kids are generally fat and lethargic, where their kids are thin and active, much like it use to be in the UK back in the 70’s. While our kids stay indoors playing on the Nintendo, these kids are playing outside and swimming in the sea, much healthier. Of course, their life expectancy is less than ours, because our shitty NHS keeps people going on a cocktail of pills well into their 80’s. These people just can’t afford the operations and pills, so the average life span is a lot less.

Finding a partner or wife

Most of the white nose here have retired and are on average between 50 to 75 years old. You are hard pressed to find a white nose who is in his thirties here, as the job prospects are virtually non-existent, so it’s only the retirees who reside here. Now back in the UK men at 50 -75 years old are completely transparent to any woman aged between 17 – 45. What I mean by this is you would have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting a young woman interested in you back there. Here in the Philippines you must understand that the women from the age of say 17 onwards see us white nose as security and an opportunity to get them out of the poverty trap. You would be kidding your self if you think that they are interested in you for your good looks and charm. Even when they butter you up and say that they think you are handsome, don’t believe it, what they really mean is, I am in love with your wallet. So, what you find is a lot of old fart white nose end up with a woman /girl that is far too young for them, who are only interested in their money and security. This leads to an incompatibility; mother nature did not intend it to be this way! What I am saying is, the girl wants a different life style to the one you want at your age. They want to go out and party with their friends at the local night clubs all night. You don’t want to do this as the music is not your taste and in any case its all just too noisy for you and by 11:00pm you’re falling asleep. Their libido is much higher than yours and only a man closer to their age can satisfy them. They want to go shopping and spending their time at beach resorts. You can do this for a while, but it gets a bit much and you don’t really have the energy to keep up. They are always on their mobile phones, chatting to their friends on Facebook or taking picture of themselves all the time. This becomes an irritation to the old fart white nose, who would rather sit down and have a face to face conversation. You find yourselves with two choices, go with them and try to keep up or let them go on their own. Trouble is they are young girls and good looking so you are wondering if they are seeing somebody else their own age. What a ‘clusterfuck’, and don’t forget, if you marry a young girl here, they get to own the property you bought, not you. The problem is that a lot of the old white nose here are like kids in a candy store when it comes to finding a partner / wife.

They don’t seem to use any common sense, it’s just an absolute ego boost for them to have a young girl by their side and in bed. Ok, that’s understandable but you must think of the consequences as mentioned above. The other thing to bear in mind is despite their catholic upbringing, most of the Filipina’s are promiscuous even if you are married to them, you really should not trust them entirely. My wife has cited many examples of people she knows who are married and seeing somebody else! For those guys who have found someone on Asian dating sites, all I can say is this, beware. As it ever occurred to you why these beautiful young girls are on there in the first place and targeting the white guy? Personally, when I came to the Philippines, I was not looking for a young girl, I chose one who was more mature, and compatible with my age. I eventually married her and so far, I have not had any trouble. My moto is, think with your brain, not your balls!!

Schools

Unlike the UK, these people must pay for their kids schooling, this focuses the mind of the parents to ensure they don’t skip school and they do their homework. The collyrium is on par with the UK and don’t forget the kids have to learn this in English. Most schools teach the lessons in Tagalog or English. The school my girls go to make them speak English all the time. Consequently, the kids here can speak three languages, English, Tagalog and Bisaya, could you imagine our kids being able to do this? That’s another thing I noticed here, the very young kids have a good grasp of language, where as the toddlers in the UK are very poor. This is because parents in the UK are too busy working and don’t have enough time for their pre-school kids, so it’s left to the schools in the UK to shoulder the burden. Here most parents aren’t occupied with a full-time job, so they spend more time with the kids talking to them.

Internet & Phones

Before I tell you about the situation here in the Philippines, I must give you my opinion on this technology. The mobile phone is a fantastic invention but is abused beyond belief!! In the UK deaths on the road caused by ignorant people texting while driving has far surpassed road deaths caused by drinking and driving. If you are caught by the police using your mobile while driving, there is a fixed penalty of £60. The penalty for drinking and driving could result in 6 months' imprisonment, up to £2500 fine or a possible driving ban for three years. It’s the old, old story again, its ok to pick on the minority but don’t pick on the majority! (that doesn’t win votes) Here in the Philippines there is no penalty for using your phone while driving, but P18,000 fine and 5 years in prison for drinking and driving.

Einstein said:

You know, the guy was right, I owned a pub in England and one day a group of young lads came in, they ordered a drink, and all sat down at a table. After a while I noticed they were all very silent looking at their phones and not talking to one another. So, I went over and ask them if everything was ok, one of them looked up and said they were ok, so I said, ‘but you are not talking to one another’, he said ‘yes, we are’! Today, wherever I go, everyone is just staring into their mobile phones, young people feel naked without them. When I take a group of people on an Island-hopping trip, the majority just stare at their phones all day. They never see the beautiful scenery or even talk to their fellow ship mates, very sad. I have a sign on my boat saying: Please switch off your mobile phone, it interferes with the owner! People have become so addicted to them, they get worried if they don’t work, they are wondering why the person they are texting isn’t answering straight away. They never think that the recipient’s phone could be out of power or phone service range. The modern phone consumes a lot of power because of its big colour screen. On my boat everyone is asking me to charge their phones all the time. Most teenagers only have one hand to do things with nowadays, the other is a perpetual cradle for the phone!! (wonder how they take a shit?) Ask yourself the question, could you live for just one day without your mobile phone? If the answer is no, then I would suggest you are a slave to this technology! (no wonder the phone companies are making a fortune) I have an engineering solution for those of you who are getting fed up with battery life on their phone. Purchase a 100Ah, truck battery with some good shoulder straps. Buy a phone charger lead and convert the power side with two Crocodile clips. Connect to the truck battery and carry it around on your shoulders all day, bet the phone battery last more than a month!! Some of the readers are thinking right now, ‘so what, that’s his opinion’ I say, GET A F**KING LIFE PEAPLE! By the way, I don’t have a mobile phone, if you want to contact me, you can skype me, e-mail me, send a letter…. or better still just come talk to me, now there’s a novel way of communicating!

Back to the Philippines: The internet is a big bone of contention for the white nose. It’s what we regard as an essential service but to the young Filipino it’s primarily used for SMS messages and Facebook so not that important. There are two main providers of broadband internet service. Globe and PLDT, both charge about the same and provide a very poor service. The poor speed and occasional black outs are common place, no amount of complaining will change the situation so you just keep on paying to stay connected. President Duterte is angry about this as it is holding back the country to be able to communicate domestically and abroad. I heard him say at one of his conferences, that Globe are ‘Mother f**kers’ . He is inviting overseas companies to come in in and sort out the problem, then he said he will revoke Globe’s licence to operate. Most Filipinos don’t own a computer, it cost too much for them, they do everything on their mobile phones or at the ATM machine. They go to designated retail outlets and load their phones for air time with their provider. This doesn’t last very long and costs them a fortune, surfing the internet is a luxury for them as it is a costly exercise. Most of the time they just send SMS messages as the load would not last 5 minutes if they made a phone call. In a way I do know why the providers don’t offer a contract with these people. In the UK you get a contract with a free up to date phone and very competitive service. I guess the Filipino would pawn the new phone and buy rice straight away with it. You can stand waiting for 20 minutes at an ATM machine while the person in front of you does all their internet banking on it. I think this is an ignorant thing to do particularly when there is a lot of people waiting to use the machine. Why don’t they do this in the evening when there’s no one around? The ATM machines relies on a good internet connection, guess what a lot of them say on the screen when you go to get some cash!

Power Utilities

Where I live on Samal Island a company called Daneco provides all the electrical power. Most of it comes from diesel generator sets which struggle to run at the correct speed under heavy loads. Consequently, the frequency fluctuates quite a lot from 60hz down to as little as 45hz, you can hear this most noticeably with the air con motors and electric fans. As we all know, when the frequency drops off an induction motors slows down, and they draw more current to perform their duty. This is not good and could burn out the armature windings if this condition persists. Daneco are fully aware of the problem but don’t have the resources to fix it. We also get regular ‘black outs’ for two reasons as one of the Daneco engineers explained to me. First, when we have bad weather and a tree falls on the power lines, this could cut the power for days! The second is more frequent, where people don’t pay their bill and Daneco cuts them off, this usually takes about 10-15 mins. It amazes me how many 10-15-minute black outs we have, this suggests that the Filipino’s don’t like paying for their electricity… perhaps the religious nuts think god provides it free of charge! And god said ‘let there be light’… and there was light .. and Daneco said ‘Pay your bill or there will be no light’! Personally, it gives me great satisfaction when we have the 10-15-minute black outs… another one bit’s the dust ha ha. In the UK, the utility companies must go through quite a legal procedure to cut off someone’s power... human rights again, I love Daneco.

Hospitals

It’s a far cry from our expensive NHS (National Health System) which last year costs the British tax payer 145 Billion pounds and directly employs over 9 million people. (It’s the biggest employer in Europe) This equates to every man, woman and child in the UK paying £2,166 each or P153,786 each. It’s no wonder the tax in the UK is so high and the NHS still need more money and resources. The Filipino can get help from the government with ‘Philhealth’ which covers them for a measly P14000, (£197 a year) after that, they must pay! Having said all that, their A&E is fantastic compared to the UK, here there is no waiting to get seen by a doctor. In contrast, you must wait for hours in the NHS unless you are bleeding to death!! It begs the question. are the British the sickest people on the planet or is the system being abused because it is free at source? I think it’s the latter, again if you must pay for a service it tends to focus your mind. The doctors and the rest of the staff are very professional here, but the hospital and equipment look out dated and worn out. You must pay for all your prescriptions and a long-term illness like Diabetes can cost the Filipino a fortune. Guess that’s why a lot of them die from the disease. Most people here take out loans to pay for relatives who are in hospital, which puts them further and further in dept.

Police

As mentioned above, no judication over road traffic, but overall do a very good job with their limited resources. Like our police in the UK, they are very courteous and helpful but with the exception, they can be bribed. The only complaint I have as a Britt is that they carry a gun, just like most other places in the world. Wonder when the rest of the world will fall in line and get civilised about this? I once had an American ask me how our police make an arrest without a gun. I explained to him that our police would tell your mam if he didn’t come along quietly! On this Island the police have some powerful motorbikes as a car would be useless when chasing assholes on motorbikes through the jungle!!

Garbage collection & pollution

This is a complete joke compared to our sophisticated system in the UK for waste management. On this island the barangay (Borough Council) have set up small bamboo huts where people are supposed to put their garbage for collection. Well the people do …sort of, you find most of the garbage around the hut, not in it, lying there for the vermin to chow down on. Failing that they just throw the garbage in the jungle or the sea… back to laziness. It’s such a shame as they have some of the most beautiful surroundings on the planet. Again, here in the Philippines there doesn’t seem to be any penalties for this behaviour, so people get away with it. As I sail along in my Pam Boat between Davao city and Samal Island there is a plethora of plastic bags, bottles and you name it, floating in the beautiful turquoise sea. God knows how many times I had to stop and remove stuff from the propeller, it a disgrace! This problem is indicative of a country that has no money to spend on waste management, they have bigger problems to sort out, like poverty and crime. But just listen to me, I am sounding like a whinging white nose when in fact it is the first world countries that are the biggest polluters by far! Let me give you a simple example: most people on this Island only have a 60-watt light bulb and an electric fan, those with money may have a 350-watt karaoke set. They cook their food over some sticks out of the jungle and if they can afford it, they have a 125cc motorbike. So, from a carbon foot print point of view here’s the facts:

Filipino burns: light 60 +Fan 50 +Karaoke 350= 460 watts, ride 6 up on a motorbike.

Average family in the UK (three-bedroom semidetached house) burns:

Lights 1000W, TV 300W, computers, sound systems400W, refrigerator250W, microwave1500W, electric water emersion heater 2000W, hair drier 1500W, electric lawn mower 750W, electric drill 750W, electric jet washer1300W, electric kettle 2000W, electric food mixer 150W etc etc

Gas cooker 9kW

Gas Central heating Boiler 30kW

Car 50kW- 120kW depending on the size x 2

So, where the hell, do we think we are getting all this power from? That’s right all our power stations are running full tilt to supply it, burning huge amounts of fossil fuels like gas or coal, the carbon emissions are outrageous! I keep hearing from our government that they want to phase out diesel and gasoline powered cars in favour of electric powered. What good is that going to do for the environment? The fossil fuel brunt’ will simply be transferred to the power stations with the added extra fuel required to transmit the power across the grid to the charging stations for the vehicles!! The governments just use the adage, ‘out of sight, out of mind’ don’t they ever consult with the engineers and scientists of this world? It’s so bad in the UK we must import electricity from France otherwise our lights would go out. Most families in the UK have two cars where over here the whole family rides on their 125cc motor bike. Ask yourself the question, who are the biggest polluters on the planet? Yes, so let’s stop being holier than thou with these people and get our own house in order first, we really are a bunch of hypocritical bastards. By the way, I am using the mealy mouth UK as an example on household power consumption, you should see how much an average family uses in the USA. Besides their enormous gasoline guzzling cars, their houses are energy gobbling beyond belief. When I lived in Texas, I remember the air con was on virtually all the time!

You know, the USA consume about a 20% of the planets power resources to satisfy their opulent life style. Just compare the tons of CO2 per capita on the chart below. Even Canada is not the cleanest country you might think it is, compared to the Philippines.

Nevertheless, they seem to have the most activists on planet rubbishing other countries, regarding global warming, it’s ironic!! I remember President Bush Jr, saying at the Kyoto conference, the USA will just simply plant more trees to soak up the CO2 emissions the US produces… Ho yeah! What a numskull.

We should be using hydrogen as our primary fuel!!

It’s in abundance on this plant, trapped in the water, we just gotta figure out a way of extracting it economically, the by-product after burning it is water! I dare say this technology already exists but is kept under wraps because governments & oil companies, make a lot of profit and tax on oil, how the hell would they go about taxing water? Consider this, the first world countries are hanging by a thread, if oil prices go up or dry up due to demand out stripping production it would have disastrous effects. Economies in the first world, would collapse overnight and there would be anarchy on the streets!! The USA and the UK are very mindful of this, hence the 2 Iraq wars where we hung our hat on Saddam Hussein having weapons of mass destruction. They never did find these weapons but did secure the cheap oil we all enjoy today. Notice the second time we went in, we secured the oil fields first so that Saddam could not set fire to them! I remember in the UK, the oil tanker drivers went on strike for only 4 days, England almost came to a grinding halt. Supermarket shelves were becoming depleted and fuel for vehicles was rationed to only essential personal and services. We are all fossil fuel junkies, the average Filipino would just reluctantly walk everywhere, instead of riding his 125cc motor bike and burn candles at home. The electric fan and Karaoke not working would just be a bit of an inconvenience, and in any case, they are used to frequent black outs!

Animals & Pets

The Filipino’s are very religious people, primarily Catholic’s, they believe they have a soul, but animals don’t. They believe god put the animals on the earth to be used and eaten, that’s it. If your neighbour kills your dog, you have no legal recall. If you see someone hurting or even torturing an animal here, you can’t do anything about it. Here there is a voluntary group called the Philippine Animal Welfare Society is a volunteer-based, non-government organization whose goal is to prevent animal cruelty through education, animal sheltering and advocacy, based in Quezon City. They have no teeth to bring legal prosecutions and, in any case, the legal system is not very interested. They have managed to make some prosecutions, but the fine was poultry. In the UK you can prosecute the bastard and he might serve time! yes in the UK animals have rights. Heaven must be a boring place for the Catholics, devoid of all other life purely because it has no soul! Can you imagine a place without birds, cats, dogs, horses, fish etc etc, what a boring place it must be? I have been whiteness to a few pigs being dispatched and turned into leachon (Hog roast) which is the favourite food of the Philippines. I owned 4 pigs at one time, two of them were eaten at my wedding and the others were used for birthdays. All of them were dispatched and butchered in the jungle in a very professional manor. First the pig is tied and laid down on a table, it is calmed by scratching its belly. Once the pig is calm, they slip a very long sharp knife into its throat and up towards the heart. The pig seems to feel nothing, it just lies there bleeding to death. They collect the blood until the pig is dead, then proceed to immerse the pig in boiling water. This helps to loosen the hair on the skin so that they can clean it toughly. At this point people come from everywhere out of the jungle with big pots and start boiling water over some burning sticks. They then start to carefully gut the animal, taking out all the major organs and distributing them amongst the local people. These parts are boiled in the pans and eaten straight away. The blood is turned into a blood sausage kind of soup, which everyone has a share of. Aim thinking, ‘hang on a minute, this is my pig’ but I have no say in the matter, this is local tradition. Anyway, when they get through with this they stick a big galvanised scaffolding pole up its ass and out of its month ready for the roasting. This is done over coconut charcoal and wood which takes 1-3 hours depending on the size of the pig. On completion they get big banana leaves out of the jungle and wrap it up ready for transport to the event. Back to pet’s, unlike England where we keep out pets indoors, theirs stay outside. We bring ours in because in the winter they would probably die of hypothermia. They don’t make a fuss about their pets the way we do, and it is rare to see a Filipino walking his dog. Remember I said they are lazy people so walking the dog is not an option. Most dogs on this island are free to roam around, generally in packs until the Barangay regard it as a public health hazard. Because of rabbis over here they must do something about it, so they collect up the dogs and dispose of them in the jungle! (club, club, bang, bang) This has happened to some of my wife’s family dogs but no matter they just get another puppy and go on. Furthermore, on a rather disturbing note, three little puppies belonging to my in-laws were killed yesterday. They all laughed as they told me that one of their 3-year-old kids sat on them until they were dead. I was looking out of my bedroom widow one day and saw a couple of kids with a chicken, they were throwing it up in the air and then proceeded to push a twig up its ass. Sounds funny but the chicken didn’t seem to think so. I stopped the kids from any further torture but resisted doing the same to them as this is a crime in the Philippines.

Engineering:

I must cover this subject as an engineer I find some fascinating comparisons with the UK. First, most of the British mechanical engineering disappeared in the early 80’s. An end of an Era, I am sure a historian can explain to me, why a county like mine, once the most powerful on the planet due to its engineering prowess, ends up this way. I often wonder why counties like this one never evolved at the same rate, I guess necessity is the mother of invention as Mr Winston Churchill once said. The shipyards, steelworks, coal mining, and car manufacturing was decimated primarily by the Labour party and the strong unions. Most of these industries were nationalised but the Labour government did nothing with regards to investing in these nationalised companies to keep them competitive. Instead they kowtowed to the unions to a point where there was more and more strikes and less productivity. A newspaper in the UK called the News of The World, once got into British Leyland (Our big Nationalised Car Company) one night and took some great photos of workers sleeping on the job. Back in the mid 70’s when I was working in the shipyards we seemed to be on strike over the most stupid reasons virtually every month. I refused to join the union and one night in the car park I was threatened by a couple of big thugs that suggested I might want to re-consider, as they said it would be a shame to lose my good looks and have my car smashed up! (The democratic Labour Party!) In the yard I would say only 20% of the work force did any work while the rest of them sat around playing cards and sleeping. They knew their jobs were protected by the powerful unions of the time. When Margert Thatcher became prime minister, it was too late to save these outdated, over maned, low productivity companies. Furthermore, they were costing the taxpayer a fortune and the products coming out of the door were shit! (a car called the Austin Allegro comes to mind) She offers management buy out to sell it off but guess what, nobody was interested. I lived through these times where we all sat round candles at home because there was no power due to coal miners on strikes. The country had to power share, and this led to a three-day working week which let’s face it did nothing for productivity. It’s interesting looking back, the communist labour party and their supporters, even today, blame Margret for the demise. They all have conveniently forgotten about the winter of discontent under Jim Callahan’s labour party and how the country on his watch was brought to its knees. Anyway, when you look around this place you can find small to medium size company’s doing some good engineering. It reminds me of the good old days where you could get anything made in the UK. The big difference here is none of them can read an engineering drawing due to lack of education and no formal apprenticeships. I stopped producing engineering drawings for parts I want and instead produce a 3D drawing with dimensions on it. It gives me great pleasure to see something tangible produced rather than the situation in the UK with all those call centres, mobile phone shops and marketing firms. Be advised, due to lack of money here a lot of things are maintained on a shoe string, so second-hand cars and boats require great scrutiny before you buy them.

Summary

After reading all this you are perhaps wondering why the hell do I like living here? To understand this, I must tell you a bit about my life in England. I lived mainly in the North of England where the weather is crap seven months of the year. low grey cloud, raining, snowing or hail stones is the norm with usually a cold cutting wind to complement it. As mentioned, I started work in the shipyards back in the 70’s, during the winter months I hardly ever saw the sun. I remember one day I was wiring up a distribution box for the radar, on the mast of a super tanker which is 30 metres above sea level. The snow flakes were traveling almost horizontal with a cutting wind speed of 30kts and a temperature of -5C. My fingers were turning blue and I was losing feeling in my feet, it’s at this point you have to ask yourself ‘what the F**k am I doing here? I could go on and sight more examples of the inclement weather conditions in the UK, but I think you get the point. I am a guy that likes out door activities, like riding a motor bike, power flying and gliding. I love sailing, wind surfing and swimming, all these require just one ingredient that’s in scarce supply in the UK…. Nice weather! The amount of time and money I have wasted in the UK trying to pursue these activities due to the shit weather. Its no wonder football and rugby are our national sports, you can play this in any weather and all you need is a ball. Guys in the UK use to say to me because I wasn’t interested in football ‘you’re not a sportsman are you Nige?’ The cheeky bastards, all they use to do was sit on the couch with a beer in hand watching their game, while I actively participated in mine!! Remember I was saying the British kids just stay indoors and play on their Nintendo’s, well I wonder why? The Australians are right to call people from the UK ‘Whinging Poms’ , we are probably one of the worlds most discontented people and are always complaining. Due to, paying high taxes and the cost of living, most people in the UK are wound up like clock springs. Both man and wife work like dogs to pay the mortgage and the rest of the bills… and for what? Most of them live in tiny three-bedroom houses with a small car in the driveway and a big overdraught in the bank. It’s no wonder they are aggressive towards each other and generally sick of there lot. Divorce is prevalent in the UK due to these stresses and the poor kids just compound the misery further. I was weighing it up the other day, a family with two kids in the UK need to be making about £60K a year minimum to live. That’s an absolute fortune here in the Philippines, currently PHP 4, 200,000. The same family here needs only PHP 300,000 a year to live. Just before I left the UK I was renting a property, this is what I paid for a roof over my head:

£1,300.00 a month for Rent (due to the miserably expensive housing situation in the UK)

£46.00 a month for Water (reasonable)

£230.00 a month for Electricity (rip off)

£310.00 a month for Gas (always running the boiler because its so cold in the UK)

£203.00 a month for council tax (refuge collection and more parking meters)

I now pay a total of £204 a month which includes electricity and water for a bigger house which is about the same as what I was paying in the UK for council tax!!! Here’s another example, I bought a brand-new Honda motor bike here for P86,000, the exact same bike in the UK is P284,000. why? Because of our massive import duties. We should really call England, Taxland. Finally, on this subject of tax, as a smoker I am winning big style, a packet of 20 cigarettes in the UK is around P1000, I only pay P70 for a pack here (up yours, non-smokers). Holy mother, the UK is expensive!! By the way, UK stands for United Kingdom… wonder how long that’s going to last? UK is currently going through Brexit… wonder how that’s going to pan out? So now, I live here, where it is only a fraction of the cost to live, the weather is good every day all year round. The people although poor are friendly, patient and always smiling a big contrast to the miserable, argumentative ass holes in the UK. One point of interest is that I have had no arguments or problems from any Filipino over the last two years. In contrast to my neighbour who is Austrian, who I have had no end of trouble! Guess, wherever you go in the world you just can’t escape from ass holes! When I left the UK between personal and corporate tax, I was paying over 60%. I don’t mind paying directly for things I use, like hospitals, medicine and schools. I’ve always been a firm believer in paying for what you get but not for what someone else gets! As I said above, free at source services only get abused by the greedy assholes of this world. Yes, the services are poor here because the country is poor but that doesn’t mean its crap, it just means you must be more patient and accept it. I have white nose friends here who are always complaining about things, my answer to them is the airport is only a taxi ride away. So, to summarise, I believe this place is a better way of life, less stress, slower pace and much better weather. Your money gets you a lot more and the taxes are far less.

So:

If you don’t like:

· Noise

· Poor hygiene

· Slow traffic and bad roads

· Having to pay for schools and hospitals

· The Bureaucracy

· A problem with their human rights policies

· Lack of concern for animal welfare

· Slow internet

· Hot weather

· Religious fanatics

· Police with guns and corrupt

· High Interest rates for borrowing

· And their family values

DON’T COME TO THE PHILIPPINES

If you like:

· Friendly people

· Low Taxes across the board

· Tough policy on corruption, drugs and terrorism

· Affordable Housing

· Affordable utilities

· Affordable boats

· Affordable motor bikes

· Incredibly cheap cigarettes

· Incredibly cheap booze

· Corral reefs

· Good weather all year round

· Slower pace of life

· Getting a sun tan

· Swimming & scuba diving

· Sailing

· Flying

· Good looking Girls who will care for you providing they are of combatable age.

THEN THE PHILIPPINES IS FOR YOU

Yeah, sure you can cherry pick for a limited time living in a resort or hotel, but the above headings are reality if you want to live here permanently.

Ho, just one final note, I can’t put my finger on it, but I feel like I am not as personally restricted as I was in the UK. I feel like some of my personal liberties have been restored living here, I guess life back in the UK was becoming too regulated for me. Will I ever go back to the UK… you’ve gotta be f**king joking?

Thanks for reading,

Nigel

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