#because I feel like I've become as horny/insane about him as one can get | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

honeybrowne · 10 months

Text

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐀𝐑 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 — 𝐀𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐍𝐄𝐑

— summary: you're a temptation all on your own, but how does your professor react when you show up to a meeting in a pretty summer dress?

— pairing: professor!hotch x female reader

— content: basically straight porn; aaron is extremely horny for reader; age gap (reader's age is not specified, but the dynamic implies it); established sexual relationship; forbidden sex/relationship; fem receiving oral; unprotected p in v (don't be like them); cream pie; no use of y/n [4.0k words]

— author's note: i've been rereading this and editing it like crazy over the last week bc i'm so rusty with writing & i wanted to be happy with the final result and i think i am?? who knows. anyway, thank you to @spacecowboyhotch for beta'ing this for me and making me feel better about it. and thank you to those who showed their interest in this fic, your enthusiasm has helped with my confidence tremendously <3

navigation . masterlist

College is both fulfilling and really confusing.

Confusing in the sense that you often wondered if you were pursuing the right degree.

How can anyone ever know for sure what they want to do for the rest of their life? Is there even a way to know? People change and so do their interests, but asking yourself that question had made your head hurt and stressed you out more than was healthy, so you stopped.

Now, you're only two semesters away from getting your Bachelor's and you've never been more sure of a decision in your life.

Admittedly, this revelation had nothing to do with the fact that you enjoy learning about forensics and how the human mind works, and everything to do with who is teaching you those things.

Professor Hotchner was your criminal psychology professor and was insanely handsome, middle aged, tall, broad, soft spoken—pretty much everything you found attractive in a man.

Your choice to sit in the front row and directly in front of the podium was a spur of the moment decision, but had given him a perfect and unobstructed view of you. He had caught you staring at him on several occasions because of it, and he's sure you've caught him a few times, too.

He just couldn't help himself. The way you looked at him with your pen between your teeth, however innocently, caused inappropriate images to run through his mind daily. Frequently getting lost in his own daydreams of you, imagining what you'd smell like, how your skin would feel beneath his hands. You were the first person he'd seek out, a thrill of excitement rippling up his spine when he saw you already looking at him.

You had become the primary source of his fantasies, nobody else even coming close to you. Your face and body was the one he thought of when he needed release, and it worked every single time.

It made him feel dirty and shameful, but it wasn't enough to get him to stop.

Still, Professor Hotchner would feel a heavy lump form in his throat when you'd stay after the lecture was over, waiting patiently for the rest of your peers to leave before asking him a question. Nervous you somehow knew of his filthy secret because you were always so shy face to face, rarely ever making eye contact with him.

But the profiler in him knew different. You were attracted to him, even if he struggled to understand why, your body language said everything you didn't. Still, it was purely speculation, and the insecure side of him was convinced it was his delusions playing a trick on him.

It wasn't till you scheduled a one-on-one meeting that he received absolute confirmation of his suspicions.

You hadn't gone out of your way to dress more provocatively, which some students have done in the past for a better grade, but you had a new air of confidence he hadn't seen from you before. You were the one to make eye contact first, maintaining it when his brown eyes stared back into yours, challenging you to look away.

Then, you took him completely by surprise.

"Profile me," you had said.

He thought you were joking, hadn't had a student ask him that unless they were skeptical of profiling, but he could tell that wasn't what this was.

So, he gave you exactly what you wanted.

Everything he ever noticed about you, he said, and he couldn't get enough of the way your eyes watched him intently while he did.

It intimidated you, being perceived that greatly by a man like him, but you still relished it. Knowing he chose to pay attention to you in a room full of people, taking the time to learn all those things about you without an incentive, it made you feel powerful.

After that day, you had scheduled more meetings—an excuse to spend more time with him. He didn't mind it, and would take any chance he could to see you on a more personal level. Although, he always kept these meetings strictly what they were meant to be: you getting extra academic help, something that was available to all of his students.

While you were clearly his favorite, he refused to show you favoritism. He expected the same out of you as he did everyone else, and you appreciated that. You didn't want special treatment just because you flirted with each other. That's not why you flirted with him to begin with.

You were genuinely interested, and you didn't want him to question that.

Eventually, however, your relationship had turned sexual. You had kissed him first, when you took a break together after working side by side in his office for a couple hours, grabbing coffee from the nearest coffee shop. His hand pulling you closer by your waist when another man walked in was purely instinct, not to claim possession over you, he's seen what this world is capable of first-hand.

Regardless of his intentions, his touch had awakened something in you, something that made you stand on your toes and kiss him.

It was sudden, unexpected, but absolutely welcomed. Your lips tasted sugary sweet, mixing deliciously with the lingering bitterness on his, and he couldn't stop himself there. He had taken you home after that, worshiping your body like he always dreamed, and fucked you senseless till both of your needs were satiated.

It happened several times after that, always off campus, and Professor Hotchner—now Aaron, which he had insisted you call him when you were alone—had intended to keep it that way. Establishing a no-sex-in-his-office rule for himself to strictly follow.

However, your respective schedules had made seeing each other outside of lecture impossible recently, and he was aching for you.

And the outfit you currently had on only made it worse.

It was different from what you were wearing during the lecture earlier that morning, catching him entirely off guard. The t-shirt and jeans you originally wore had been traded for a sundress that was short enough to tease him, awakening the intense hunger he felt for you.

In your defense, it was midsummer in Virginia, which meant that it felt suffocatingly hot outside.

Even he had exchanged his typical suit and tie for something more manageable in the heat, removing the tie and jacket from his wardrobe for the time being. It seems you had made the proper adjustments to your attire as well.

The only problem is, it was at his expense.

Your dress accentuated every part of your body he loves, the ones he thinks about regularly. He couldn't help but look, his eyes drifting over your figure as you walk into his office.

"This isn't what you were wearing this morning," he notes as you greet him with a brief kiss, like always.

You look down at your outfit, pulling at the hem slightly, shrugging.

"It wasn't as hot this morning."

Aaron hums, feeling your heart thump a little faster against his fingertips as he slowly traces them along the neckline of your dress, admiring the way it fits you. It's gentle and teasing and you do your best to not let it get to you.

"Well, I like it. It looks beautiful on you," he compliments.

"Thank you."

Your voice is soft, and a little bashful; you've never been good at accepting his compliments but you do your best and that's what matters most to him. He wants to be able to tell you what he thinks and you believe him, not brush it off like he's saying it just to say it.

He brings you in for another kiss, not fully satisfied with the one you'd given him before. One of his large hands caresses the back of your neck, your breath shallow as he tugs you closer by your waist. His tongue swipes over your lips, groaning into your mouth when you let him in. It's tender and loving, and way too passionate for the office.

Remembering his rule, Aaron pulls back, and places one last kiss on your cheek before distancing himself.

"In your email you said you aren't confident about the final," he says, changing the subject. "Remind me what's giving you trouble."

The kiss leaves you wanting, mind foggy as you try to make sense of his words and what just happened. He rounds his desk as you gather your thoughts, an amused expression on his face when your brows furrow, an indication that you're struggling to think clearly.

"Yeah I uh, I still don't fully understand structuralism," you finally manage.

"Okay, tell me what you do understand."

Aaron gestures for you to join him on the loveseat in the corner of the room, bringing his laptop with him. You trail behind, setting your bag on the floor and pulling out your textbook. Your dress rides up further when you sit down, exposing more of you to him, and he has to force himself to look away before he takes this meeting to an entirely different direction.

There's a tab sticking out of the pages that you use to make finding the right one you're looking for easier.

Scribbled down words adorn the margins of the textbook, different colored gel pens indicating certain details of your notes that he can't even begin to decipher.

As you begin explaining the topic to the best of your ability, Aaron listens, wanting to give you his full attention. The more you go on, the more he determines that you are overthinking it and second guessing yourself. You understand the material fine, better than he anticipated, even.

He merely scratched the surface during lectures, the topic not something that needs to be discussed in detail in this particular class, but you're thorough—he's come to learn that's a characteristic you possess in all aspects, especially the ones he tends to benefit from.

Still, he lets you continue because he loves hearing you talk, and gradually moves closer, the appropriate and respectable distance between you becoming smaller and smaller.

You waver a few times, but he signals you to keep going.

He simply wanted to be closer; didn't have any ulterior motive. It's easier to touch you from this distance, to lean in and press a chaste kiss to your cheek because he can. It's easier to admire you up close, where he can brush his finger along your jaw while he tells you how beautiful you are.

It's nothing new. Aaron's love language has always been words of affirmation and physical touch, not that you've gotten to the point that you're ready for love confessions, but it's how he expresses his attraction towards you.

However, when a draft in the room gives him a hint of your perfume, everything changes.

His touch is more determined now, intentions set on getting you out of that goddamn dress. One of his hands makes its way to your shoulder, brushing away the hair that covers your neck. He leans in, placing firm kisses along your jaw before drifting down to your pulse point.

You fumble over your words again, his lips soft and perfect and very distracting.

"Sweetheart," Aaron murmurs when you don't continue, the words muffled against your skin, "I don't remember saying you could stop."

His tone is businesslike, a stark contrast to the very unprofessional things he's currently doing to you. You suck in a breath when his hand skates over your thighs, your head instinctively titling to the side to give him better access.

"I can't concentrate," you pout.

"Then just relax and focus on me."

"But—"

Aaron nudges your jaw and captures your lips in a messy kiss, his large fingers digging into the flesh of your hip as he speaks. "You're stressing yourself out, my love. You understand the material fine. Will you let me dote on you for a moment? I've missed you."

You nod, letting out a soft moan when he retreats back to your neck, teeth and tongue working together to suck a mark into your skin. It feels so good that you forget to speak, a sharp squeeze of his hand on your thigh reminding you that he always expects a verbal response.

"I missed you too, but... what if someone hears us?"

He smiles, pleased that you know him so well. The way he's touching and kissing you is a clear indication of his end goal, and he loves that you know it.

"I suppose we'll just have to be quiet, then."

You take a shaky breath when he takes the textbook from your grasp and sets it aside before moving his hand to the seam of your thighs, a request for access. A satisfied hum leaves his lips when you open them without hesitating, and trails his fingers along the inner skin.

His touch is affectionate, not at all rough or taking, and it turns you on like crazy.

"My perfect girl," he murmurs to himself.

The praise and his voice makes you ache for him even more, and his eyes zero in on the tiny wet patch that begins forming on your panties. His mouth waters at the thought of how delectable you're going to taste when he finally gets his tongue on you.

Carefully, Aaron moves off the loveseat, kissing his way down your body as he gets settled on his knees. He pulls you closer to his face and your dress scrunches up around your waist at the action. The deep breath he takes is slow and mere inches from your barely clothed cunt, his broad and rough hands smoothing over the backs of your thighs.

"You smell incredible," he sighs, content with being in this position. "Can I, baby?"

While getting your consent every time is extremely important to Aaron, you know he's not actually asking for your permission. He already knows that you want him, but it's more to hear you beg for it. With the desperate state he's got you in, you easily give him what he wants.

"Please," you whisper. "I wanna feel you, Aaron. Please."

One of his fingers grazes your pussy as he pulls your panties to the side and out of his way, revealing you to him, the cold air in his office sending a chill up your spine.

"You sound so pretty when you beg, but you gotta be quiet for me now, okay?"

The second your meek "yes, sir" hits his ears, his mouth is on you and your back arches at the contact, a heavy groan resounding through him at his first taste of you in weeks. The warm sensation of his tongue sliding through your folds is more than enough to make your body go alight in an instant, your fingers grasping at the loveseat.

You try to watch him as he works, propping yourself up on your elbows as your jaw goes slack and your eyes threaten to shut with how fucking incredible it feels. He's good at this. So good that it's difficult to suppress a loud moan that creeps out your throat, the sound echoing throughout the room.

All he does is look at you, mouth still attached to your pussy, and you murmur a quiet "sorry" in such a pathetic tone it makes his cock twitch.

Aaron readjusts himself to get a better angle, arms circling your legs to keep you in place. He spreads your folds with his fingers to give him the space to focus his tongue on your clit, teeth occasionally coming out from behind his lips to nip at the sensitive bud. You writhe from the pleasure it brings you, your legs threatening to close around his ears and keep him there forever, and he wishes you would.

He'd live happily if he could drink in your taste every waking moment and feel the way your body shivers in response to each of his actions.

"Aaron," you whimper, bottom lip tucked between your teeth.

He hums in response, and your eyes practically roll to the back of your head, the vibration stimulating you further.

He slips a finger into you easily; the mixture of your slick and his spit giving him no resistance, so he adds another, curling the digits once he's knuckle deep and grazing a spot in you that has you grinding against his face.

"Oh, fuck," you mewl, one of your hands finding its way to his head, determined to keep him right there.

You can feel the mess you're making—of yourself, of him and the loveseat. Aaron knows he'll never be able to be in this room again without thinking of this moment, of you spread out and at his mercy, hips rolling eagerly to find your climax.

He uses his free hand to palm himself, the ache in his pants nearing unbearably painful.

"Gonna fuck your pretty pussy, baby, but I need you to come first," he encourages.

And the encouragement works like a damn charm.

The coil in your belly is tight, each delicious swirl of his tongue and thrust of his fingers tightens it further. Your body is trembling, legs shaking as you feel like you're about to erupt. He groans into you again, and your toes curl, the hand in his hair tugging and pulling as the power of your orgasm makes you squirm in his hold. Heavy pants leave your lungs, your bottom lip swollen from how hard your teeth have been digging into the flesh to keep yourself quiet.

Aaron keeps pumping his fingers into you till he feels your walls relax.

Once he does, he backs away only enough to get his belt unbuckled and his fly unzipped. He strokes himself to give you time to catch your breath, the friction providing him with enough relief that he can manage to wait for a little longer.

However, you have different plans.

"I need you inside me, please," you beg, and fuck if that sentence isn't the prettiest thing he's ever heard.

The desire in your eyes makes his heart pound wildly against his sternum—how you make him feel is dangerous. The carnal need and desire he has for you overpowers everything, and both hates it and loves it.

Hates it because it consumes him, loves it because it's you.

"How do you want me?" you ask impatiently.

Aaron gets off the ground, attempts to, anyway. His knees are not as young as they used to be, and you can't help but laugh at the face he makes when he struggles.

"Don't be a brat."

He sits down beside you and pats his lap, and you're quick to seat yourself exactly there despite your wobbly legs.

Before doing anything else, you lean into him, pressing the sweetest kisses you can muster to his lips. You can taste yourself on him and you moan into his mouth because of it. His hands smooth over your ass, giving it a firm squeeze as he pushes his hips into yours.

"I love it when you're on top of me like this," he groans.

Your head tilts back, and your mind had been so foggy from pleasure up to this point that you'd forgotten where you were, awareness suddenly coming back to you. Aaron turns your face back to him by your chin when you start looking around, eyes widening when they land on the door.

"Hey, focus on me."

"But—"

He doesn't give you the time to panic and guides himself into you, the breach sudden and breathtaking, filling you completely. You have no choice but to sit flush against his lap, his broad and strong thighs giving you all the support you need.

"It's locked," Aaron assures you, referring to the door. "I locked it when you got here just in case."

You huff a laugh, breathy and tired. "So, this was premeditated?"

"It always is," he grins.

Slowly, you begin to work your hips, after gaining the needed strength to ride him the way he likes. You falter a couple times, a little weak and uncoordinated, but he's there to help you regain your pace, the two of you working effortlessly together.

You wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him carelessly. He teases you by pulling away, smiling at the pout you give him.

It feels oddly intimate and sweet considering that you're both almost completely clothed and fucking on a slightly uncomfortable couch with the possibility of someone knocking on the door at any moment. You know he'd just ignore them, but the sound of your skin hitting his every time you slam down on him and the mingling of your heavy breaths isn't exactly quiet.

Neither of you cares, though, Aaron least of all. Touching himself to the thought of you for the last couple weeks had been good and effective, but not nearly as good as the real thing.

You're so warm and tight, your walls hugging his cock like you were made for him, and part of him is convinced you were. It feels like heaven, and he cherishes it, slipping the straps of your dress down your arms to reveal your bare chest. He groans at the sight and cups your breasts in his hands, thumbs rubbing over your nipples as you continue moving over him.

Everything feels so good that you can't even kiss him back anymore, breathing heavily against his mouth instead. Your legs feel fatigued and they begin to tremble again, whether it's from pleasure or exhaustion, you aren't sure.

"I’m getting close," Aaron warns, his voice taut and rough.

You nod, the coil in your belly forming for the second time. He begins matching your movements, thrusting up as gravity brings you down.

"Oh my— fuck," you gasp, feeling him so deep it takes your breath away.

You come in tandem, your orgasm causing you to squeeze him so tight he can't stop himself from letting go. The groans that come out of his mouth are debauched and loud, and he buries his face into your neck to subdue them. It makes you pulse around his cock, pulling out more of his warm spend.

It's soothing, and you swear you've never experienced anything this sexy in your life.

Your body slumps into his, limbs heavy and tired, a thin layer of sweat coating your skin. Aaron rolls his hips a few times, trying to prolong his blissful high. It overstimulates you, and he whispers his apology against the crown of your head, his lips finding their resting place there.

"I can't believe we just had sex in your office," you say after a while.

He laughs, nuzzling his nose against your cheek. "We weren't ever supposed to, but you looked so beautiful today, I couldn't help myself."

"Hmm," you hum skeptically, "what does that say about how I look every other day?"

Aaron huffs. "Absolutely nothing. It's just been too long since I've had you like this, anything would've gotten me this hard for you."

Your face heats up at his honesty, even the mildest of dirty talk still too much for you, especially where he is concerned. Anything that comes out of his mouth sounds sexy, because his voice fuels your libido like nothing else ever could.

It takes a while before either of you musters the strength to get up, exchanging tired kisses and gentle touches till you do. Your dress is wrinkled and so is his dress shirt, the crotch of his slacks damp and covered in the mixture of your juices and his release.

Luckily, he always keeps a spare change of clothes in his office. A habit born from his days as a profiler.

Unfortunately for you, however, you're stuck looking like an absolute mess.

Aaron does his best to help you straighten up, cleaning your thighs and smoothing out your dress before running his fingers through your hair carefully to somewhat brush it out. It's not the greatest but it does the job. The chime that comes from his phone interrupts him, a reminder of his next lecture and a signal that it's time for you to go.

He makes a mental note to turn on the diffuser and wipe down the couch when he returns.

You leave him with one last kiss, promising to do this again once the semester is over, when he isn't your professor anymore and neither of you has to worry about sneaking around.

It's a promise he hopes you keep.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner smut #professor!hotch #aaron hotchner fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #.writing

1K notes · View notes

prettyboykatsuki · 10 days

Note

how do you reconcile with writing smut about characters who are canonically minors? i’m not trying to attack you or try to change your mind or anything, so sorry if my question reads that way. i’m just genuinely curious 😭

no worries!! this is asked respectfully so i dont mind answering even tho i usually just delete stuff abt this now

idk really know how to answer your question i have not reiterated many times. but like. i want you to really consider your own way of asking this to me critically. like what would i have to "reconcile" with exactly? them being minors in canon?

for me personally there's nothing to reconcile with. i feel no guilt or shame or remorse about aging up characters. or just like wanting to fuck them. or really anything i write in fiction at all, point blank - should i choose to explore it. like there's not crime i've committed other than being horny about some shit i made up, upon the basis some shit another guy made up.

partially this is bc characters in fictions are concepts. they're objects, thoughts, ideas. no matter how brainrotted i am about them, they don't live in material reality. im not harming them because they don't exist. outside of my phone and computer they are not real. harrowing myself with guilt over something that does not even exist is kind of insane. this applies to everything.

you can feel personal discomfort over aging up for yourself, but the reality is no actual minors are harmed in the process of me writing porn about anime characters. bakugou is lines on paper. i am allowed to cut him out like a barbie doll and play with him however i like. he doesn't get a say in that because he is fake lol.

there's like idk. all sorts of nuance to this and if you are respectfully curious im happy to talk to you about it. but they're just not real. no one is hurt in me writing this. so it doesn't matter to me at all. i would never hurt another person because of what im interested in fictionally, either. i have spent too many years becoming a decent human being to wonder about that

nothing i do in the fictional space is of any relevance to who i am, except for what things might cause genuine harm to another living breathing person. i write a lot of dark content in my smut also but

a lot of my content also while being dark, does not specifically deal with sensitive social issues so no one is hurt in that way either. i have enough confidence in my critical understanding of the world to write what i do understand to my ability. i mostly write about noncon and dubcon and yandere, all of which are personal violations and not social ones (OVERSIMPLIFYING THERE A LOT). i sometimes do write about social taboos of course but not whats outside of my ability

all in all its like. i dont know what i'd feel guilty over. no one is hurt and i have no intent to harm. nothing matters outside of that

#return to sender

111 notes · View notes

honeyedheartss · 10 months

Text

longer frankie thoughts!

you're out with frank at a bar and being a pain in his ASS and flirting with all the guys who come near you just to piss him off and make him jealous bc he's hot when he's jealous and angry and he finally gets so fed up that he takes u in to the bathroom and u think your plan is working but he takes off YOUR belt and wraps it around his wrist and hand like That One Scene u know the one and spanks you and sends you back out without another word and as soon as you get home and he's practically dragging you in the door by your hair

frank keeping his hair short in the back for years bc of military and it feeling most natural and you BEG him to grow it out shaggy for u nc you think it would look cute and he DOES and you yank on it while he's eating you out and this man who never makes much noise during sex WHINES and refuses to make eye contact with you and then never shaves his head again

I am becoming violent and insane over the thought of frank pinning u to a wall by ur throat and taking over and having a whole scene planned and then you react or do something that gets to him so hard that he can't finish the scene he just wants YOu and pulls u all gentle into his chest and slow fucks you while kissing you

I'm once again so FUCKING horny over thinking abt frank taking his belt off. yall know the damn gifs and ik I've sent concepts about it in here before but 🥴🥴🥴 he could literally tell me to get on my knees n open my mouth whenever and I'd do it if it meant watching him undo his belt actually

also cuddle fucking with Frankie. I NEED soft gentle sex with this man, his shoulders bracketing yours, slow and gentle and lazy and unhurried on a Saturday morning while you murmur I love yous and hold hands, pressing kisses to whatever parts of him come close to your mouth

frank x mirror fucking but it's all gentle kisses on your shoulders and bruising grip on your hips and gentle praise unless you look away from your ruined reflection and then his big hand is yanking your head back up by your hair, hand wrapped around your throat pulling you back until you're flush against his chest rumbling in your ear about looking at the mess he's making of you

im going fucking insane I need him to stand over me in his boots and hold a gun to my head and face fuck me ok

also im a slut for soft dom frank that quickly becomes very Not Soft where he's gently guiding your hips while you sit on his lap calling you princess and telling you you're taking him so well and then you whine or call him sir and it flips the switch in his brain and he's like "awwww is that my name now, baby? huh? you want to call me sir now hmmm?" and you're realizing what you just did like oh fuck and he's got his hand around ur throat faster than you can respond, pulling you off his cock and you're whining at the loss of contact and he's forcing you down between his legs and is telling you that if you want to call him sir you need to earn it

frank castle manhandling thoughts 🥰 his hand is big enough to cover your entire tummy and he loves leaving finger bruises on your hips and a hand shaped bruise around your neck and fucking into your throat and then pulsing his hand around your neck for friction for himself and thick fingers up inside you to stretch you out and you're entirely ruined for anyone else ever because he's just Big and he's not afraid to be as rough as you like it and he loves watching you slowly lose hold over yourself and your vision go blurry as he calls you stupid and slaps you around before stroking your hair and forcing you onto his cock

#frank castle #frank castle smut #frank castle x reader #leo’s bookshelf

112 notes · View notes

bidonica · 2 months

Note

Hey! I see you're into fragile/higgs ship and caught myself quite like them too recently (tho i've been in DS fandom already for a year and mostly thought about them as a friends)

Just wondering why do you like them? Do you have any headcanons/interesting thoughts? I'm very curious 👀

Hi! First of all apologies for the wall of text you're about to get, but unfortunately you came knocking at my door after I spent nearly two months ruminating about this ship basically by myself sooo I'm dumping it all here

Well the short (lol) version is that in my first playthrough I mostly just absorbed the characters and storyline, but by the time I got to their final scene on the Beach I was like wait a minute... their whole shared storyline feels way too loaded for them to simply have been business associates, that shit is personal, even Higgs wanting to damage Fragile feels way too pointed to just be justified by "he was a turncloak with a secret agenda." Now, I'm not against a "they were simply close friends" interpretation, it works just as well to explain the emotional weight of their falling out, BUT I also cannot ignore the zest, the flavor, the spice of them actually having been involved romantically at some point. And honestly going into my second playthrough with the shipping goggles on I can't help thinking that Fragile speaks about Higgs like he was an ex that hurt her, and the way that she is suspiciously cagey about the specifics of their relationship makes my ears shoot up like a German shepherd.

On a Doylist level I also find it interesting that Kojima gave Higgs extra backstory that connects him to Fragile in the Director's Cut, and also how the behind the scenes for the DS2 mocap show Troy and Léa sharing a scene... I think Kojima is not done intertwining their story and we'll get more info in the sequel.

Now for the headcanons... I have enough that I might or might not be writing a long-ish fic about it, but I want to finish this Director's Cut playthrough before completing it (I could just look stuff up on the wiki but that's not fun). Also I have some art in the pipeline about it that I hope to post within the week. Anyway, the bite sized version of how I envision their relationship:

I hc Higgs as being immediately attracted to Fragile but not really acting on it, while she develops her attraction after getting to know him a little. Then she's down bad but she doesn't even realize it until it's so obvious it hits her in the face

A few people at their joint Fragile Express/whatever Higgs' operation was called co-op assume they are an item long before anything ever happens, because they just hang out together a lot. They have a similar penchant for corny jokes and puns and enjoy some light banter; Fragile finds Higgs' flair for theatrics endearing, while he is drawn to how gentle she is because he has known so little softness in his life (also he thinks she's insanely pretty, which duh. It's self evident because Léa Seydoux) (it's his first serious girl crush anyway; I hc him as bi and as having had mostly experiences with men before her)

They bond over their DOOMS condition and Higgs is fascinated by Fragile's powers, while she is less enthused by all the collateral effects. In my hc, at this point she has yet to become as skilled at traveling through dimensions as she is in the game, which makes her reluctant to agree to Higgs' requests to show him the Beach. This sows the seeds of his resentment towards her, because he feels she has a privilege she doesn't make use of and doesn't want to share.

They are both pretty touchy feely (canon!) so when their relationship goes from friendly to romantic it gets physical immediately and enthusiastically. Yes even accounting for the worldwide lowered sex drive. If there's one thing I never do is put characters in horny jail 🫡

I think Fragile got to know a version of Higgs that was quite different from what we see in the game, which you sort of can gauge from the more optimistic pages of his diary. Like there's a part of him who's starved for love and connection and a sense of belonging and gravitates towards people like Coffin (he never had a mother) and Fragile herself; ironically, the pull towards Amelie answers to the same need but in reality it feeds on his more nihilistic, call-of-the-void side. I'm not saying that Amelie brainwashed him or anything, but I think she saw what was already there – a deep seated resentment towards a hostile world and towards those he feels got handed a luckier deal than he did, that he countered by clinging to the notion of being special because of his DOOMS, but then there's someone like Fragile who's even more special and doesn't seem to be doing much with it. Amelie gave him a chance to fulfill what he felt was his potential and shared her power with him, but the tradeoff was severing the connections he had, "killing" the part of him that wanted to be loved to make space for what he perceived as a higher form of love ("I found someone who completes me" which he says to Fragile specifically like he wants to rub it in her face? Like she wasn’t enough to fulfill that role?)

That’s why I think it’s significant that he lost his hands with his power-up, because the (holding, welcoming) hands are strongly associated with Fragile; and to me it makes sense if he purposely ruins her body also because it’s a way to stifle his attraction to her. There’s also a lot of projection because HE is the one who’s felt like damaged goods all along, who grew up being crushed psychologically and physically. I also think that both of them coming close to annihilating the other but choosing not to – leaving them in a dicey situation but not entirely without escape – shows in some twisted way that their bond still exists, which makes me giggle and rub my hands like a nasty little goblin knowing we have another game coming.

So… That’s the gist of it. Sorry for rambling on but as I said, I don’t really get the chance to talk about this ship much – greetings from rarepair hell, etc.

#replies #death stranding #fragile x higgs #higgs x fragile #greetings from rarepair hell #embarrassing amounts of mental real estate have been allocated to this... The mental illness is in full display i fear #i dunno they just make so much sense. to me #and i just enjoy the inherent tragedy of it all because i love to make myself suffer

19 notes · View notes

jooniperbonsai · 3 months

Text

Thanks For The Sub | ksj (Teaser)

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Teaser length: 2378

Chapter One length: 11-14k

Release date: Fri. January 19, 2024.

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn (?), coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: After a clip of you sucking at video games goes viral, you've become somewhat famous, with thousands of subscribers now tuning in each week to see you play. Overnight, you've gone from a sexually frustrated grad student who reads smut in her room to a gamer girl (or rather, a not-gamer girl). This would have been the perfect job, except it was never the job you wanted. Desperate for money to pay for grad school, you bounce between your new gig and working at a local restaurant to pay the bills, where your hot coworker-now-boss Seokjin plays many of the lead roles in your sexual fantasies.

Seokjin, two years post losing his fiancé and job within the same day, is tired of the rut he's dug himself into and wants to start over. Now 30 years old, he's stuck managing his family's restaurant where he harbors an insanely inappropriate crush on you on top of carrying one hell of a secret: Seokjin is also known as Jin, a successful gay-for-pay camboy on the streaming site Worldwide Handsome.

When the stress of the upcoming semester and the pressure to stream becomes more than you can handle, you seek out some much-needed stress relief online, only to discover a man who looks a little too much like your boss is staring right back at you.

Warnings for Chapter One: Swearing, cheating (not between main characters), big age gap between lesser characters that can be uncomfy, sex work, gay sex work when the worker is actually not gay (but everyone is chill about it), feelings of shame and guilt, feelings of failure/depression, the existential crisis of your late-20s/30s that we all seem to go through, off-handed references to kpop culture including fanfics because I'm a clown and need to call us out sometimes, silly literary tropes, references to pregnancy, boss-employee power dynamics, allusions to queer BTS members or relationships, cameos of au Seventeen Members (Wonwoo and y/n are besties). NSFW sex stuff: big dick Seokjin (of course), f/m masturbation, dirty talk, sex toys, kink exploration, uh a lot cum (sorry), I mention the omegaverse as a joke, a sparkly pink dildo, seokjin has a massive collection of toys and he intends to use them, seokjin and reader are constantly horny, reader is kind of inexperienced, implied exhibitionism, implied voyeurism, implied public sex.

a/n: hello! i haven't written fanfic in years! I've been wanting to get back into it for a long time but I also work full time and am working on a poetry manuscript so this never manifested! This fic is inspired by a combination of fics from the lovely writing community on here, with a lot of inspiration coming from "tip 143 (for ∞ seconds of love)" by minilouvre on ao3. I feel like the camboy/person trope is so fun to explore and I wanted to try my own take on it with our Seokjin, who doesn't seem to get as many fics written about him but absolutely deserves it. I also wanted to create space for a fic that explores the weird transition of late 20s-30s that both BTS and I (and maybe many of you) have experienced in the last few years. I hope you enjoy!

xo - h

The alarm on your phone chimes, pulling you from the book in your lap. You’d been reading all afternoon, the sun now taking its final bow before plunging the world into darkness. Soon you’ll have to turn the lights on, then it will be time for work. On your only day off.

You groan, stretching your neck as you allow yourself to come back to reality.

To some, it would be hard to call your job “work”. Many people dream of being professional game streamers. Who wouldn’t want to be paid to sit online, play games, and talk to people?

You don’t. That’s the problem.

Your ascent into gaming stardom was a fluke. About 9 months ago, you were in between semesters for your grad program and looking for ways to unwind. Your oldest friend, Wonwoo, was a pretty successful streamer who often hosted game nights to play with his viewers and friends.

You frequently watched his streams, letting his soft voice be the perfect background noise as you studied and formulated the next lesson plan or behavioral assessment. You’d known Wonwoo for what felt like forever at this point, being his first subscriber, first moderator, and first kiss (not in that order). But your middle school kiss outside of the convenience store never led to anything more than that, as desperately as you’d wanted it to.

Once he moved across the country, you let your crush die with the distance. The years turned faster and your twenties were spinning by with the revolving door of lovers you’d watch him pine over, cry over, and in one case, almost marry. Streaming then became one of your main forms of connection, and your role as his moderator tied some part of you to him out of loyalty. To imagine him as anything other than a friend now feels ridiculous.

But that loyalty you have is also to a fault. When Wonwoo’s usual streaming friends bailed one night during a tournament, you subbed in…for a game you didn’t even know how to play.

And to make matters worse, this was a game that required talking to each other on-stream, which meant you not only sucked major ass at this game, but Wonwoo’s 700 viewers that day were also subjected to your constant frustrated squeaks, swears, and embarrassed maws as you tried to key-smash your way to victory but ended up throwing the entire team’s game with your incompetence.

Wonwoo wasn’t mad, though many others were. He knew what he was getting into when he agreed, and his streams operated with very few rules: no hate, no spam, and we are in this to have fun. And he did have fun. By the time the first round was over, he and most of the chat were losing it over your commentary.

As he wiped tears from eyes and took in a breath, he read his comments. “‘Damn, I never heard a chick threaten someone with a plunger like that before’. Yeah, I’ll give it to you, Y/N, you got really creative with your insults in that. Hey, PartyShitty thanks for the sub! ‘I can’t BREATHE’, yeah I’m still trying to get it together. W00000000000000000ziiiiii–damn that’s a lot of zeros in that username–thanks for the 5000 points! ‘Is she hot’ uh, I mean, I don’t—

“Oh shit, LetsGetIt15, thank you for gifting twenty subs! ‘Please, Y/N, start your own channel. I’ll be the first subscriber.’ Actually, no, I’ll be. But really, that's not a bad idea.”

Wonwoo navigated the rest of his stream with ease that night, but after it was over, he called you to try to convince you to start your own channel.

“It could help with school at least! Or you could get that special edition of that one book you like with the dragons or the blue alien porn stars or whatever it is.”

“They’re neither of those things, they’re actually–”

“Whatever they are! The book that has people fucking nonstop and some plot. You know, the special edition cover that you keep talking about in your close friend story that you won’t buy?” Wonwoo said. “The point is, if you start streaming you could finally buy it and then stop talking about it and I won’t need to see sections about how hot you think their alien or fairytale or demon whatever cocks are.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his exasperation. “That won’t stop with me getting that book, just so you know. And if it bothers you so much, I can take you out of the close friend story. I didn’t even know you looked at my stories that much.” You didn’t know he still used Instagram at all actually. He very rarely posted. He mostly lived on his Discord channel talking about games with his subscribers or other friends.

Regardless, it was nice to know that he was trying to be aware of your interests, even if it was incredibly embarrassing. Although the copious amount of smut you read wasn’t something you always wanted to broadcast to the public, you’d still made some friends from online book communities over the last few years and enjoyed keeping them in the loop of your reading list.

Also, Wonwoo had a point. Streaming could help paying some of your school expenses…or get you more books. You told him you’d think about it, and while you weren’t completely in love with the idea of streaming, it did provide you with some steady income until you landed your job at the restaurant.

After that conversation, you haven’t discussed smut or cocks since, and you’re honestly relieved, not because Wonwoo is hard to talk to about things, but because you are. Which is why streaming always feels a little uncomfortable and your position ironic, because you can barely have conversations successfully unless you really know the person to ramble about your interests to, or you can occasionally eke by with small talk.

But streaming requires the spotlight being on you in some way at all times. It’s your face that is fixed to the corner of the screen, monitoring your every reaction. It’s your voice that echoes into the mic and responds to your chat. Sure, you have mods and some streamers don’t interact with their chat at all, but you don’t want to be like that. You’ve been on the other side before, and know that most people are just lonely and looking for connection. .

From the moment you decided to do this, you were aware that because you were now a “gamer girl” you would be subjected to the three extremes of the comment section: chronic oversharers who tell strangers all their personal baggage perhaps in the hope that you will assume some role of therapist to them, people coming to insult your gaming (which is the point so that can’t impact you) or physical appearance, or sexually explicit comments.

Over the months, you’ve seen many things flitting by on the screen, deleted in haste by your trusty mod squad, but it doesn’t stop the fact that you still see them.

Those things you can handle. They are impersonal and a direct copy-paste of the same thing.

But when people compliment you? That makes you want to bury yourself under your covers and never come out. Because the compliments are always personal and touching a part of you that is authentic.

The people in your chat want to know you. They want to know what kind of music you like, your favorite foods and books. They ask if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner, compliment your hair or the shirt you’re wearing or your gaming setup. It feels intimate. Almost like you could find these people and touch them and let them know you.

But they can’t. Because the only thing that drew them to you, the part where you’re this funny, positive gamer chick who sucks at video games but is down for whatever, isn’t real.

Spring Day Streams Y/N is a persona. You don’t stream because you’re her. You stream because you have to be her in order to survive.

And now she’s taking up more time. Last month’s streams landed you Streamer of the Month, which thanks to the exposure, brought dozens of new subscribers and thousands of points, and that helped take care of some of your expenses for the new semester. Some. You’re still behind on your credit card bill.

Also, more people means more expectations for streaming. So you’ve kicked up your streaming schedule from twice weekly to three times a week, with you occasionally hopping onto Wonwoo’s channel even if you aren’t streaming to mod.

When you aren’t glued to your computer, you’re usually at the restaurant, in a cramped kitchen where you do the prep work, often alongside him, your sexy coworker-but-now-boss, Seokjin.

The man you are quietly obsessed with. You can’t think about Kim Seokjin without thinking about all the positions you want him to fuck you in.

Which is also why you’ve been devouring books lately. When you’re home, you throw all your energy into the escapism they provide, especially ones where you can get yourself off to whatever fantasy Seokjin effortlessly slips into.

For every hot mob boss, corrupt CEO, longterm best friend, dragon-rider, fairy, demon, alien, ghost, or hockey playing love interest you can find, Seokjin is sure to fill the role. A hot merman looking for someone to help him grow legs and something else? Seokjin. A Grinch who inherits his family’s Christmas tree farm and discovers how much he loves to ho ho ho? Seokjin. A god who tears apart the underworld to find his lost lover, and then during the reunion fucks her on the throne of Satan while she wears the crown? All Seokjin.

Unfortunately, his transition from co worker to boss has made your fantasies all the more dirty.

It’s been incredibly difficult for you to handle the fact that any flirtation you two previously shared in the months before he was your boss can no longer continue. But it’s also incredibly hot.

Fantasies of him eating you out on the counter have been replaced with the fantasy of him shoving you in the back office and fucking you on the desk while wearing one of those perfect-fitting dress shirts he often parades around in.

And when he rolls up the sleeves to help in the kitchen? Fuck, it’s humiliating how wet you get.

The entire thing is pathetic really. He’s just standing there half the time, lecturing everyone on proper kitchen hygiene and ensuring one of the cooks doesn’t use expired seasonings for his eomma’s secret sauce.

And you’re standing next to him clenching your thighs together because when you’re this close, you can just make out the freshness of his cologne and feel the heat of his body close to yours.

When someone fucks up, he has a tendency to take over, chopping with unmatched precision and self assurance, trying to keep his voice even and usually failing as everything builds in intensity until he’s accidentally speaking at a million miles an hour and lecturing until his face turns red.

If someone were to pass by the shop, they’d probably mistake his shouting for anger, but you’ve come to understand Seokjin is just passionate about things. Usually when he comes down from his tangent, he’s embarrassed and apologizes, and not long after the entire staff is laughing along with him as he cracks a joke at himself for his inability to tone it down.

Which to you makes him even hotter. Seokjin is able to see his faults and work with them, not against them. He holds himself accountable. He’s nothing like the haughty men you’ve gone on brief dinners with after downloading dating apps for the hundredth time while you’re drunk. He’s actually funny, knowing the right way to use humor and tell jokes, never at someone else’s expense, and definitely without being disgustingly crude.

All those clowns you suffered through drinks with always made comments and digs at other women or referenced their cock like they were setting up some goofy scene from porn and you would find it hilarious and endearing.

Seokjin isn’t like that at all. He probably refers to his dick as a penis and would blush to high heavens if he knew how horny you are for him. He’s unwound you, and he has no clue. Maybe if it hadn’t been literal years since you’ve last had sex you could tone it down.

With working all the time and going to school, it’s already been hard to even go on singular dates here and there. And since the prospects were frankly awful, sex is just something that has had to go onto the back burner for a bit, but you seemed to scorch the fucking pan by forgetting to turn the heat off and now you are burning and hungry.

With a final sigh, you put the book down, annoyed that you didn’t have time to finish it today or at least get to a good part where you could insert yourself into the role of the palace servant and Seokjin as the Prince. Based on the reviews, there’s sure to be a hot sex scene coming up involving using a sword in a particular way that has piqued your curiosity.

In a moment of depravity earlier, you’d snaked one hand down the front of your panties to rub a few damp fingers around your clit to take the edge off.

You check the time on your phone, already aware that you don’t have time to cum before streaming. You already hit the snooze button twice. The spicy stuff will have to wait.

Defeated, you stand up, turning on the lights in your apartment as the sun finally fades away and the dark creeps in. You eat a bowl of cereal while doing your makeup, what little of it you want to put on. Finally, you fire up your PC, trying to ignore the irritation you’re already experiencing from being so high strung and unsatisfied.

The second this stream is over, you’re going to make sure you cum until you pass out. Until then, it’s time for work.

#seokjin smut #bts smut #jin smut #kim seokjin #seokjin x reader #bangtan #bts seokjin

13 notes · View notes

fractalkiss · 6 months

Text

fic commentary/notes for monsoon

the document title for this fic was "monsoon - aka angry, horny, tilted lance". i would have liked it to be "angry, slutty, tilted lance" but i don't think he comes across as too angry in the output which is fine, and the original concept i had for this fic involved a lance that was slutty. but that would require 3k more words which i knew i couldn't do in time for ms strulovic's birthday. i was a day late on posting anyway but we move ;_;

influences/inspiration (boring version):

i will actually not get into how i came to the socionics research and the psychoanalysis that happened using wikisocion dot net and sociotype dot com because that will take too long and i will sound crazier. TLDR; here are quotes from the intertype relationships page that made me start thinking:

“Quasi-identical partners are able to find common topics for conversation, understand each other to sufficient depth, but they remain perceptive of mutual "otherness" [...] Quasi-identical partner, as a rule, does not hurt your weakest spots. You do not feel a threat from him, but neither do you feel equality.”

"Activation partners who become close and discuss their strivings and personal worldviews often are struck by how radically different they are, despite the relative ease and benefit of communication. As opposed to duals, who tend to strive for the same things but from differing, though compatible angles, activation partners' approaches to achieving their goals tend to be fundamentally incompatible, due largely to the difference in rationality and irrationality.*"

*rationality and irrationality here are dichotomies used to measure a person's approach to certain things ie. "judging / perceiving" if we're talking mbti , thinking / feeling, and intuitive / sensing etc. (Yes socionics takes some of the same topology from mbti but uses more dichotomies alongside it so i really do nottttt want to get into it here bc i'm gonna sound more insane)

ANYWAY, activation partners came out more as the result when i was obsessively matching sociotypes i thought fitted my read of fernando and lance (ty to cofi's mutual who helped back up that fernando also leans towards introversion lol). i was talking to @strulovic abt activation and she also pointed out this could apply to lance and esteban's friendship due to their very different upbringing, which is interesting. i got quasi-identical once, which i thought wasn't wrong either imo, so i pasted it in my doc for reference. strulovic wanted to read something bittersweet and she wanted to read fic of lance in this terrible season of 2023 so i knew i had to deliver...

more inspiration (not so boring):

"Living Legend” was originally written and recorded around 2013 and is an ode to one of Lana’s long-time friend and mentor, Jane Powers. Lana thanked Jane directly in a Facebook post on July 31, 2013, announcing the song.

i got the title "monsoon" from the song living legend. i thought it was fitting with lance being a strong wet weather driver.

lyrics from colossus - idles:

They laugh at me when I run I waste away for fun I am my father's son His shadow weighs a tonne

i think this is self-explanatory. not to be me and reveal my tastes and roots in kp*p rpf but i've always liked writing about the ones who are unpopular (by fan consensus) and are misread a lot. all my years of pop idol rpf folding into that first scene about lance and his not attending the fanzones.

lyrics from jennifer's body - hole:

And I know it, I can't see it But I know it enough to believe it

To better you, to better me My bitter half has bitten me It's better than you, it's better than me

lance and the 2023 season basically.

some quotes from articles:

(x) 2016 article of an interview w lance

(x) article of lance in the ferrari academy

(x) from an interview with fernando

i think it personally can be a little bit clumsy to directly reference too many things in fic from canon and i try not to but firstable, i don't read much fic so i haven't read anything that might have already done this for lance.

second of all, as strulovic said, lance and fernando having met in that ferrari kart race in montreal is just fascinating in perspective. as what she said: "that's how they met in the first place of course, but also Fernando saying his one regret was not being able to win a championship with them [Ferrari], Lance being their first 'experiment' with how far they could mold a young talent into a championship-winning driver; one of the reasons Lance interests me so much is the nurture vs nature element in his career." sorry im just grabbing her fic comment from my inbox but i couldn't have put it better fjdlkgjdfkl.

which is why i really wanted to give weight in that scene when lance talks about his old journaling habit from the academy -> sucks fernando off for the first time lol.

re: writing lance's interactions with the older drivers/former teammates/almost-teammates (bottas); i think it's just funny how his dad thinks it's better for him. something something clearly it's made him how he is, and i guess i tried to explore that in relation to how he sees fernando as well.

i orphaned object permanence, which was the first lance pov fic i wrote, bc i wasn't satisfied with what i'd written, like.. it's hard to explain but some of it felt fundamentally wrong to ME, although i still am grateful for the comments i got on it! i'm more at peace with what i wrote this time.

#**

12 notes · View notes

apoptoses · 5 months

Note

A whole week later but I finally got the chance to finish Climb to the Sun and I have so many fucking thoughts!

"Pain blooms beneath his skin. Memories bubble up from the depths of his mind, of cold little arms around his waist, his face buried in a dead neck. A jolt of pain that suddenly narrows his world into nothing but the sensation of two fangs, like little ceramic knives pricking at his throat. He’d thought maybe he was dying this time too. But this time he hadn’t cared. This time he’d felt something tugging at his heart, from his pulmonary veins to his femoral artery. Down into his cock, where his blood stirs even now." God you're SO back. How did we manage to survive this long without you? The way you perfectly encapsule Daniel's jumbled, messy thoughts, how you can feel his fear slowly fading away and paving the way for something else entirely... can't get enough of it. You truly captured the feeling of having just experienced a life changing encounter, an awakening of sorts. The night he met Louis changed the course of his life and the night he met Armand sealed it, but Pompeii was his moment of divine revelation. From the way he started seeing everything around him so differently (so clearly) because of the blood, to how he finally allowed himself to tap into the power of his desires. Armand had him wrapped around his little finger, but the opposite was true as well.

And I LOVED you how kept bringing up his night with Louis and how he kept telling himself "no, this was something different" in regards to what he and Armand did in Pompeii. "Why Louis’ bite had made him sick, why Armand’s has had entirely the opposite effect. If it’s some special magic only Armand contains, like the influence Louis had described him using in their interview", INSANE. Daniel Molloy woke up every single day right before the sun set for over a decade and bravely asked himself "what if being terrified and horny were the same thing?" and it will never not be my favorite thing in the world, I swear.

"The praise tingles at the back of his brain. His blood pounds in the fine veins that spiderweb his cheeks. He feels stupidly, embarrassingly mortal over the way clutching the back of Armand’s sweater has him hard beneath the comforter puddled at his waist." GOING INSANE OVER THIS!! Relationship of all time right here, who tf is doing it, has EVER done it like them? Obssesed with this and them and you, it's such a delight to have you back! xoxo DA ❤️

DA FINALLY I GET TO RESPOND TO THIS ♥ IT MADE MY DAY!!!

I just really liked thinking about the contrast between those two experiences because like yeah, he's been bitten before, but with Louis there was no foreplay LOL It was meant to frighten him and then he was so stressed and desperate to find more vampires after.

And also I think about Louis and Armand's first bite experiences and how they actually replayed them on Daniel- like Louis got taken by surprise and left feeling feverish and confused until Lestat returned. But Armand's first time being bitten was a sensual experience, his first taste of the blood was sensual. Daniel has no idea he's actually been used twice as a vector for vampires to replay their 'first time' upon and that's really interesting to me. And via that he becomes a blend of the two of them, walking this line of horny scared.

Also like, I don't think I've done enough fic that really digs into what experiencing the blood is like for Daniel too. The books describe it as so psychedelic!! And Daniel being caught up in that really sets up what he's like as a young vampire so- idk I gotta mine that more.

And look I LOVE having Daniel be the bigger one but feeling small because Armand is so powerful!!! It's so hot!!! I couldn't not go there.

But THANK YOU I AM SO HAPPY YOU LOVED IT!!! I hope to have more soon ♥

#apoptoses answers #dungeon anon

3 notes · View notes

hekateisconfused · 2 years

Note

Dude shut the fuck up about things changing so their "pReVeNtInG yOuR dEsIrEs" you fucking aroacephobic cunt. Bet you're just another cis transphobe homophobe racist with a karen personality. How do you live with yourself? you're such a brat no wonder you have no followers it's because no one likes you and you don't deserve to have things the way you want, whore. Go kys and do the world a favor, do something good for once fuck I hate cis people

... hah?

I- clearly you've never been here before. I'm willing to bet your a mutual that knows I find the "Lex AU Dib being aroace" thing wack as hell, but I mean- cmon dude. You could've atleast done some research on who I am and what I do before writing this. I have tons of gay, trans, and adding more poc characters. I myself am bi/pan, and I have a trans husband. Cmon dude. Is this really because I'm cis or what? Guess who's the phobe now? I'm continuing that "it's probably 100% a mutual" under cut, because for some dumb reason I feel safer under cut because not everyone looks there

Ight, cmon, calling mean aroacephobe, I have aroace, ace, and demisexual characters. Your only "attempt" of proving I'm aroacephobic is because I think the current status on Lex AU Dib's sexuality is clearly fake and a poor excuse for simping reasons. Take a hot sec to look at this all from my pov: this character you really have the hots for, who was originally bi, becomes gay. Then, when you create a more confident version of yourself and a feeling for a satisfying freedom of being able to simp with no shame, he suddenly, an insanely fucking horny ass bitch, becomes aroace.

This type of stuff just doesn't happen randomly or ironically. And if anything, thinking "it wasn't meant to affect away from me" is a gamble of the mind. You try to act calm when you have the ability to control a character and something is going wrong. When the situations go out of hand, you have the idea of changing a detail of the character to fix the situation, but you TRY to not act on it. Eventually, it slips through the cracks and happens anyway. You tried controlling it from happening, and you tell yourself "it wasn't my intention", that the fact this idea that would prevent the problem from continuing just rolled in development and it happened anyway despite the fact you were actually in control the whole time and hit the panic button, making it official, while you still tell yourself that it wasn't your intention. It's a toxic mind game. Neither people in the situation could really control it, yet somewhere someone will find a angered spark of realization. Whether they say it out loud or not, that's controlled. That, you actually have the power of saying how "this doesn't happen accidentally", how you know the mind game that played into this whole scenario in the first place. I would know, I've been both the "official changer" and the "one to cause the change".

And it's not like it even makes any sense! He is still CLEARLY horny. Dude can still barely keep his dick in his pants. Hell, I've seen newer fucking shit on him, he's still a horny fuck! Yknow, not what aroace is. The reason I've been so pissed at the word "infatuation"? This. "Infatuation isn't love", guess I've never felt love before then, huh? From a bpd yandere standpoint it's just illogical, trying to make that excuse to a irl idealizing yandere, who knows the real life feeling of the jealousy "I would do literally anything for you" mindset, it just makes no sense. This is indeed the type of stuff I would keep to myself, but this kinda changes it. If you think I'm "aroacephobic", how about you analyze every detail that's led to this point? I swear, if this is a mutual I really will lose my shit. You mutuals think you know Bug best. Yea, you guys get more info shit, and communicated more than me, but let's not forget who's Bug's wife and knows them irl, me. Learn your place.

For real, this is some new grade bull. If you see anything made out of spite, it'll probably 100% be selfship stuff, because suck it, after all of this I really do feel like I deserve something good from all of this. That and mutuals head's on a stick.

#hekate shut the fuck up #hekate shut the hell up #hekate shut up #Lex au dib simp back at it again #tw homophobia #tw arophobia

1 note · View note

planetdream · 2 years

Text

— TO: MY BESTIES <3

it's only right that i make a post of gratitude towards you all! there's 1.3k of you (and counting) which is insane because i didn't start seriously writing and using this blog till the last week of august despite creating it in march 2021.

i know i say this constantly, but thank you for enjoying the things that i write, or just the random little things i say. thank you for sharing what's on your mind with me whether it be how your day went, or the horny little thoughts that plagued your mind. thank you for letting this space of mine become a safe space for you!

there aren't enough words to explain my love and appreciation** towards everyone that interacts with my blog whether it's an ask, like, follow, reblog, etc. a part of me just feels so overwhelmed with love for you guys, it's cheesy i know but it's how i feel <3

**no matter what i say, it feels like there's always more to say. literally wish i could telepathically share the love that i feel with you all :(

special thank you (and many kisses and hugs) to all my emoji anons <3 whether or not you're active regularly, you all are so sweet to me, it's insane i could cry. i might not know you personally, but you are all my besties there's no getting out of it. very thankful that you just like talking to me; it's so nice to hear your thoughts and to just learn more about you :)

alsooooo, shout out to my moots/favorite writers <3

— @gyuphorias, moon, you started off as one of my anons and now you're one of my favorite writers on here. you're so sweet and nice and i love talking (well, screaming) with you about random things. i literally associate beomgyu with you, so every time i see him im like "aaa moon would love this!! let me make a post about gyu now" very excited to read what you post next, hope it ruins me </3

dream's recommendation: DEAN'S LIST — it involves e2l and whore innie and it's PERFECT

— @skzkkun, tia i used to be so nervous to talk to you bc you're so cool !! maybe i have a tiny crush on you but so what? who wouldn't ??? you're lovely and talking to you is so easy even though i feel antsy a lot 😭thank you for having matching icons/themes with me <3 you're really cool and im glad we're friends :(((

dream's recommendation: SINNER — priest!yeonjun and it has me foaming at the mouth

— @hwaflms, my eve <3 !! i believe that you were my FIRST mutual on here !!! you were on hiatus these last few months and i missed you tremendously !! so glad you've been online lately and im excited to see the things you do next. you're such a lovely and bright light! so happy you're active again :))

dream's recommendation: SWITCH IT UP — switch hyunjin so you know im sobbing and (s)creaming

— @matryosika, femme, you're so inspiring. there's something so intoxicating about not only the way you write but the way you interact with others. absolutely love reading your hard thoughts and such !! there's so much in your masterlist i had trouble deciding what to recommend :(( so much of what you write is so good !!!

dream's recommendation: CHAN + BREEDING/LACTATION KINK — nothing to say but femme is amazing and her mind... so big-brained

— @eroskz / @ahskz, val!!! i think you're one of the first people i became moots with on here !! you are so aaaaa!! i love your aesthetic and how you talk and the way you write. you're so friendly and so amazing—not sure how to describe it really, but the next best thing i can say is that i really admire you !!!

dream's recommendation: HYUNJIN & SIZE KINK — one of my favorite pisces written by one of my favorite pisces so you know brain go brrrr

— @btssmutgalore / @ballelino, dee <3 I've had a few conversations with you and you're the sweetest :(( so supportive and it's so fckn admirable!! was looking through your masterlists and there's soooo much content !! so excited to read more of your writing (especially ur jungkook stuff—i love that man) !!!

dream's recommendation: PUNISHMENT WITH MINHO — drooling and sobbing, need minho so bad :( i've read this way too many times

the following writers, i might not have had many interactions with them, but i still see them and really love the things they write !! i guarantee that you'll find something that you love from them ! i'm kinda shy (surprising, i know) but i hope to interact with you guys a lot more this year <3

— @youn9racha, @hynjnhwng, @multifandomfantasies, @hanjisbun, @slutbinnie, @nnsfwskz, @lino-know, @sword6empress and soooo many more people <3

in conclusion, i have a few things that i'm working on at the moment and i hope that when you all read them, you enjoy <3 thank you for being with me and making my 2021 better. i hope we'll be together during 2022 <3

— from: your dreamie <3

#🦋 — dream.txt #sorry for being cheesy and soft but it has to happen !

41 notes · View notes

purpolmonster · 3 years

Text

二哈和他的白猫师尊 2Ha

Title: 二哈和他的白猫师尊 / Èr hā hé tā de bái māo shī zūn / 2Ha / The Husky and His White Cat Shizun Author: 肉包不吃肉 / Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat

This novel is the very definition of don't judge a book by it's cover, title, and even author name. 2Ha is not fluffy. Although, well, it is fluffy in some instances. And the title is also sort of accurate. And the author name sounds funny and interesting which this story also is. Anyway, if you're confused and intrigued, I just want to say that 2Ha is the most daring, crazy, funny, angsty novel I've ever read. And that, my friends, is why this ranks as the top of my favorite danmei list so far.

2Ha is the story of Mo Ran who dies and leaves his somewhat tyrannical life and is reborn into the past. With his memories still intact, he lives to right the wrongs he thinks he made and vows revenge on his shizun whom he blames is the reason for him growing up into a tyrant. But all is not that simple when he finds out bits and pieces of the truth along the way of what happened to lead him to become a tyrant and that apparently, he's not the only one who got reborn into the past.

Okay, first of all, you've probably noticed by now that there is nothing in the summary about a dog and a cat. The title actually describes Mo Ran being the husky and Chu Wanning, his shizun, being the white cat. It describes Mo Ran's relationship with Chu Wanning as being like an adorable dumb dog with a snobbish, anti-social, somewhat arrogant cat so you can just imagine how that'd be like. (But really, I love them both a lot and think these two are so perfect together).

The plot in this story is craaazy. Like, it's really out of this world. The further you get into it, the more insane it gets. And I love it. The fact that it's crazy is the reason why I was able to push through and finish it even if the second half of this novel at the time I was reading it was only machine translated. As of this writing, this novel has only been translated until Chapter 152, I think. But the story is so intriguing and interesting, hair-raising, and so entertaining that I wanted to finish it to know how it ends.

But it's not for everyone. The themes in this novel is very dark. The translators were kind enough to warn you in every chapter that 2Ha has a lot of violence, murder, suicide, underage sex, rape, explicit sex, drugs, and more. So yes, it's not at all fluffy like the title or book cover makes it out to be.

So why did I even like it? Because it was interesting. The dark side of the story were all necessary. All the warnings there play a big part in this whole story. If you were to separate it from the story, you won't be able to get the complexities of Mo Ran's character and how you feel about him as you read through the entire novel. I've seen a lot of takes how maybe 2Ha can do without that much dark themes but in my opinion, it had to be there and it was important for readers to go through it to better understand and feel for the characters.

Meatbun is a very talented writer. I like the way she made you feel things just through the scenarios and words she puts out. She makes you laugh so hard at the funny scenes, enough that my sister from across the room would stare at me as I read and laughed out loud by myself. She makes you want to pull the two main leads together and bonk their heads or something. She makes you horny lmao and I say this as a compliment because the good sex scenes in here makes you pine after the two leads to just get it on. She twists your heart into making it hurt so bad at the sad scenes that even if I deem myself an emotionally strong person and wouldn't tear up easily over sad movies and stories, I admittedly shed a tear at this one. She made me feel so deeply in love with Mo Ran and Chu Wanning, and even the side characters like Xue Meng, his aunt and uncle, and more. It's like you want to reach down into the novel and save them all yourself so they don't have to suffer anymore.

But don't worry. I don't read novels that don't have a happy ending. So even if this is a bit spoilery, this novel ended on a good note. And I think I've mentioned this in one of my reviews that I like a story where it just twists your soul and your heart and then puts it back again. This is it. This is how 2Ha made me feel.

So do I recommend it? Yes! 2Ha is a favorite and is right up there with TGCF as one of my favorites. It has a crazy yet incredibly written plot that all comes together in the end. But do not push yourself to read this if you don't think you can handle the themes and warnings mentioned above.

Score: 10/10

#二哈和他的白猫师尊 #erha #2ha #the husky and his white cat shizun #husky and his white cat shizun #meatbun #meatbun doesn't eat meat #肉包不吃肉 #Novel Review

25 notes · View notes

biffhofosho · 3 years

Note

I think I'll comment as I read, since this is my man we're talking about and I love screaming incoherently abut your story into your ask box.

Real question. I know you have everything planned, but are you writing as you publish or you have an outline or is it mostly written and you edit before publishing? Just curious on your process. We do have a few things in common, but more on that on a separate ask..now it's thirst time.

Chapter 14

Of course Shownu had a perfect excuse for ignoring his buddy Wonho was Hoseok

Wonho a stripper? Please, sign me in

Are you one of them???? GURL!!!!! GURL!!!!

Now he's Serving some harsh truths, she's clearly obsessed and it's like she wants him to be the perpetrator.

But are the murder of her sister and the missing women even related? I mean the waitress was clearly a message for her, but all the other just disappeared with no trace? No public messages...

Oh, blood. He looks affected!

Ah, my dear Johnny. .sorry that those pesky vampires are making sure she won't be satisfied with anyone else...

Oh gosh here we go.. and of course he was expecting her. Lord, this man....

Gosh that duality "On the surface Wonho was all sex and sin, and yet, despite the insane physique, he had a gentleness and depth to him" your muse was on fire in this chapter!!!!

And now the song. I'm not gonna survive this chapter, I feel it in my water.

And the things he says to her have me weeping in my hands

"because then you'll leave and I'm not ready for that" wow, I went form horny to sad in seconds...

Wow

"you're gonna make me feel good, then right?"

"So good you'll never want to leave me" the feeeeeels just like when honey asked her to stay and she refused and he looked hurt.

There is no mention of her scent? Honey, kyun and Min were visibly affected by it...

Ok there was a mention of the heat.

The way I had to take a break from the story... It was so intense (in the best way) so perfect, so deliciously and elegantly explicit, like all my fantasies on 12k words. I am in awe.

I loved the ending? They just can't escape form eachother and how she makes them feel everything.

Really, don't know what I'm gonna do when this story is over..I dread the moment it's status becomes 100%... I mean for sure I'm gonna read everything else you have, but this story will forever have a special place in my heart.

Were you satisfied then with his chapter, milady? I hope so! Didn't want to disappoint since I knew your feelings for Wonho. ;)

Okay, so to answer your question: Everything is nearly finished. I do not publish anymore as an author unless a multichap is nearly completed for MANY reasons, the first of which is simply because I learned the hard way growing up writing fanfic that nothing's a bigger bummer than disappointing readers who've enjoyed the story you never finish. So no worries! This will be done on the regular schedule I've been working. I can touch on my process more on the follow-up behind-the-scenes you asked about once the final chapter is posted, but basically, about 90% is written with the final 10% fully outlined--I just need to connect the plot points and dialogue with the art and scenery. I edit as I go and then do a final hack-and-slash and proofread of the latest chapter one-to-two days before I post.

Dude, stripper Wonho became SUCH a thing for me this chap, and, in fact, this entire chapter was designed around his striptease. I mean, he would be SOOOOO good at it.

Without revealing too much of my fun, let's just say I generally don't put anyone or anything in a story without a very good reason for doing so... There may be many more threads to weave together in the very near future.

I did my poor Johnny a little dirty. It's not your fault, Johnny! I'm sure you're a rocking lover; you're just up against it this fic! :(

Oh, girl, the muse went OFF this chapter, but who could blame her? And, real talk, I ain't complaining. She gets vivid when she's on a roll, and sometimes it actually feels like I'm in the moment, so win-win.

Wonho is the perfect balance of sweet, sexy, and needy. Ugh, he just does it for me on every level, so I really wanted that to translate. It's such a breath of fresh air to have such a masculine man be so soft and accessible. *sobs*

Aww!!! Wow, thank you! All of my completed multichaps have claimed a corner of my heart, mostly because of the way my muse essentially requires me to live in the universe for months or years at a time, but STS is special to me, too. Amber isn't like me in so many ways, but I have such a fondness for her. I just wanna take care of my baby girl.

Mostly, I'll just miss your wonderful asks. They always buoy my heart.

#gee thanks #succumbing to sybaris

1 note · View note

harderstateofmind · 4 years

Text

my story

this will be a long blog post

I've come to the conclusion that this blog is a loose collection of thoughts and feelings I’ve had through months, mostly based on my memories and how I experienced past events. so it lacks context. so this post is effectively my story, something that may or may not back up previous writings

I've been mostly an introvert ever since I could remember, but I soon realized that I had to break that chain. first real chance to do so was when I was 17/18.

at the end of my adolescence I had met this short, unruly haired girl that made my world spin around a bit. she had a lively character and was basically half French, a tad bit sassy, cute and, to be fair, well built. I got along well with her, and tried to care for her, but I was essentially an idiot with good intentions and terrible practice. it is funny to look back on that now and figure out that I could have done so much differently. at some points she deserved better from me. I got to a point where I was either fed up of waiting that she broke up with whoever she was seeing at the time or fed up with waiting that she’d notice my advances. I should have handled the situation differently, but I knew no better. I remember clearly a day where she was being really cool and lively with me, but I was so pissed I couldn’t get any further with her that I just looked at her with the worst face imaginable and she obviously sent me to hell. 200% my fault. I also had the chance to tell her how I felt. 400% my fault for shutting the fuck up. to my defense, she was seeing someone else then... someone who had texted me with threatening words back then, which was hilarious, as I did not represent any danger. I wouldn’t touch her while she was with him.

I still love her, but in a different way - she’s taught me that you can love a person in many, many different ways. there’s all sorts of love - the romantic one, the one you have for your family and the one for your friends are probably 3 of the “top” categories for that. sometimes loving someone is feeling really happy when that person is really happy, even if that implies the fact that said person is seeing someone else. that is the case now and she seems really happy with the guy. I hope he treats her well for many, many, many years. loving her is feeling happy for that, and that’s just the kind of love she needs from me, and honestly, from anyone else.

even if she was single... she’s departed so much from the style and the sort of girl she was when I loved her, in the romantic sense of the word, that I’m not sure if we’d match at all. she’s become those sort of influencer styled Insta bloggers with stories about clothes and make up. I’m not saying this in a negative way. she’s still really cool. it’s just different from the girl I used to hang out with. I wonder what she thinks of me, especially when I text her (b-day’s and such occasions) and when I react to her stories. she doesn’t always reply/react back which I perfectly understand.

I hanged out with her at school for a year, and then it was University. I spent about two more years thinking about her. We saw each other once or twice in that period, and spoke from time to time via text. and that was all. we eventually lost touch as time went by.

by that time I had realized I couldn’t keep thinking about her indefinitely. but I couldn’t stop doing so, thus I needed a little help. and I had decided that that “help” would be trying to find someone else.

I basically started forcing myself to hang out with girls from my course. I started texting them often, many of them, just trying to find something with anyone. I wanted to fix my life. I wanted a girlfriend.

eventually I met this girl who was really ‘chic’, for a lack of a better term. she was about my height and had long, straight dark hair which I loved. she was thin and didn’t have much going for her in terms of being well built. but she dressed well. she was stylish and I liked that. tried to speak with her, but I wasn’t really into her, I had my mind on the unruly haired French cutie. so I quickly got tired of that (and eventually found out that she already had a boyfriend all along, and nobody knew! weird). I also spoke with this funny girl from far away for a while, but wasn’t really into her either...

In all this process of throwing clay to the walls to see if it stuck in any of it, I found this girl that sat in the back of the class with her iPad and had that brown wavy hair, soft skin, beautiful eyes and dressed well. she was quiet, shy and only spoke to her friends, a few other girls from that class. and to be fair she was extremely well built to the point that it was a bit difficult for her to hide her attributes (please don’t call me sexist. I am being realist. I was not ill intentioned. I never was towards any girl. I’m effectively looking for a real connection before the physical part, I always have - those who know me in real life are well aware).

one day I sat next to her at the last week of a term, we had some small talk and she told me she’d be doing an exam for that class, because she had failed.

I spoke to her a couple more times and then classes ended. I had some friends doing that very same exam so I remembered her when they texted me saying how the exam was. so I texted her to ask how it went... and that was the start of a beautiful love story that ended tragically.

I spent half my summer texting her. for the first time I felt a woman was actually reading/listening to what I told her. I had learn that she was extremely cultured, she was a novel writer in her free time and was blessed with an INSANELY BEAUTIFUL and amazing voice. she was an absolute natural talent. she was also sweet and lovely.

i had fixed a date with her mid summer to go to the cinema. we watched the Steve Jobs movie (she’s a massive Apple fan just like me) and had dinner afterwards. it all went well. but it was all a bit too quiet during dinner. so I thought she wouldn’t want to see me again... until we met again about a month later. I took her to the beach. to my ‘special place’, in Gaia. I walked with her for a few km’s and it was ~2hours filled with good conversation that felt like 5 minutes. in the end, I took her home. I stopped the car near her place, looked at her and told her “I hope you had enjoyed this short bit”. time stood still as she looked at me without saying anything. a minute later she just said “yes, it was great” and left the car. according to her that was it. that sentence I said clicked on her mind. and she had already clicked on mine way before. so it didn’t take long before we kissed and that was it.

we dated for almost three years. I knew many things about her. her talents signing, and cooking. her struggles with anxiety. the absolutely insane, enticing and fun woman she turned in to when she was horny, which was the absolute opposite of her “normal” looks. the gamer that lived inside her. the witty personality and the way she won every argumentation against me using amazing logic. I met her family. she met mine.

that was it. the endgame. I was done. my life was there. or so I thought. I thought I’d be with her for life. she was my one and only, my world was her, everything gravitated around her. I woke up and texted her, I did the same before going to sleep. I tried to be with her, and talk with her constantly. I basically half lived at her place for a few months. I learned many things. how to be thoughtful towards woman, how to treat them the best way possible, how to be sweet. she taught me many things from the psychological and physical standpoint. I was unemployed, without any money, but as happy as I could be. I was never that happy ever.

one day there were no texts anymore. no calls. no nothing. radio silent. her family said all was fine, but it seems she didn’t want to meet. I wanted to go after her, but didn’t knew where she was. that was it. the end, without a closure. I lost myself in life. 6+ months went by in a heartbeat. I spent them sitting in the floor of my room listening to Hardstyle, the only thing that kept me connected to life (as it always was through the years). I had the help of two very special people who which were pretty much the only people I connected with during that period. people that Hardstyle had brought to me

after this time I got a job, a clean shave and I had to turn my life around. and when I say that, I meant it. an absolute 180 degree turn. I was 100% into Hardstyle then, so I turned it up to 110%. at that time I started meeting people that music had brought to me

but inside me there was pain. I did not understand why someone who was the world to me suddenly didn’t care (I learned later that she was hospitalized and had many issues, that I was not made aware of. I could have supported her. but that was in the past, and I couldn’t change it. I thought she got tired of me. which may be partially true, to be honest). so I had to clear that away, as I had cleared the French cutie from my mind. but it seemed impossible. I was 25 at that point and I thought for many months that I wouldn’t be able to love again.

but then life surprised me, and threw the third person that meant the world to me. she’s about my height, with a cute round face and the sweetest smile and deep, penetrating eyes. she looked sporty, and despite not being that well built, she does make a stand wherever she is.

she is (or at least was - I’ve not had contact with her for more than a year) a fun person in group, open to speak with anyone, but extremely closed in private, and not just with me. quoting someone that was at some point part of my journey, “it seems she just has a wall covering her from everything else”. there was always something dark and deep hidden behind those eyes that intrigued me. with time, I've learned that it was sorrow as well - she had been poorly treated by men.

funnily enough, she lives less than 10 minutes away from me by foot, but the first time I met her (because of Hardstyle) was due to the fact that we both attended an event 300+km away from our hometown. I did not bother much with her at first. after all, she’s not very catchy to the eye in what concerns physical attributes, and I had never seen her. but she was cute, so I gave it a shot without expectation, and what I saw surprised me beyond measure. she is extremely polite, thoughtful, an amazing woman and she listened to the same things I did.

we both were in a group that started getting together because of the love for the harder styles. one day we decided to eat out but had to leave early to drop one of us at the train station. due to the fact that I had given her a ride back and forth, and it was early when we returned, I had asked her if she wanted to grab a cup of coffee, to which she said yes. we spoke for ~3 hours and went home because it was really late. I had become attached to this girl there and then. not only she had the qualities above, she also loved to eat out and try new places, like myself. I was enticed by her presence and her charismatic personality. she’s witty as well, which I really appreciate

what happened next, neither I can really explain. it all went by so fast, and it is still so fresh in my head... but apparently this girl didn’t want anything to do with me or anyone. I chased her for months, more and more. I tried to show I cared for her. I was there every time she needed someone. I tried to text her, call her, make her feel important. sometimes she seemed to appreciate it. other times, not really

due to this, the group we were in basically broke up with me. they’ve managed to isolate me outside. I’ve lost a big friend of mine that I’ve not yet got back despite the major efforts

the truth is, someone in that group constantly humiliated me for attempting something with this girl. bottom line is, I’m impenetrable as fuck in what concerns these things, but they did got to me a bit in the end. I could withstand high amounts of pressure, but I eventually broke down when they disappeared. funny story is, I was the one accused of disappearing, which is untrue. but that’s a story for another post

I’ve spent another half a year thinking about this girl until I looked back and realized I just had to do what I’ve always done - skip it by doing the impossible mission of putting someone on top of her in my mind

that’s how my mind always worked - in order to shut up “noise” inside it, I had to find something that made MORE “noise”

so I did what I thought was right at the time, but I’m not sure now if it was the best... I basically looked for girls with the same interests on social media and texted pretty much all of them. out of this universe, I eventually kept texting more or less frequently 2 or 3 girls

I’ve come to the conclusion of 3 things. first is that I’m probably trying too hard. second is that in the process I’ve discovered good people in the community, both women and men. I’ve started being more open, and even nicer with people. so from something that probably wasn’t the best, I’ve managed to return with a positive outcome

third is that I shouldn’t force myself to find a lover. truth is, I still think a lot about my ex and a lot about the girl from my hometown. but instead of trying to fight those memories, I’ve started embracing them so that it doesn’t hurt. in addition to that, I know what I want. and if I cannot have what I really want, might as well not have anything

summing up to that I’ve recently found out that someone I consider highly is really interested in one of the girls I usually speak with and I thought... “screw it, he seems really into her, so I’d prefer seeing him with her than myself”

and now here we are. so what’s up? literally nothing. and honestly, that doesn’t really bother me as it did. yes, I’m still extremely worried I’ll be alone for life. I’m rather alone as is. no girlfriend and no friends that I truly connect with are close to me. but we’ll see what’s up tomorrow, and if tomorrow isn’t good, or brings no improvements, there’s always the next day

so you’ve went through all this and you ask... “so why is your story based on women?”. it’s simple. it was always my biggest priority. why? I have no clue. I always wanted to be a father from very early on, and build a family. maybe because I come from a destructured family I want so hard to build mine... I dunno. there’s got to be some kind of explanation I do not have the key for

this post is already too long and it highlights pretty much every reason why this blog exists. so I’ll leave it here, finishing up saying I’ve had my fair share of negative karma. yes, I’ve reacted negatively some times. but somehow I’ve built this huge pile of negative karma mostly for reasons that were not my fault... and I do worry what will happen when karma re-equilibrates in this world. those that did me wrong will get fucked up beyond measure and I don’t want that. I want everyone to be ok. I want a karma balance without the “momentum” that’s required for this balance to be restored. because someone will always be on the “bad end” of this movement. trust me, I’ve been on that way to many times, so I know how it’s like... and I don’t want anyone to go through that.

peace

0 notes

cywscross · 7 years

Note

Do you have any light hearted fanfic recs? I've just, not been in the mood for all the angst and drama lately and I thought maybe you'd know some

This is a bit late, sorry. You didn’t specify a fandom so this will mostly be Steter with a bit of other fandoms thrown in. I hope you feel better :)

Naughty Hookers (Swathed in Wool) by pprfaith

Stiles is happy with his store, his hobbies, his friends. Peter’s just trying to figure out how to raise his nieces and nephew without fucking them up too badly.

Paths cross.

The Unexpected Marriage of Peter Hale by moonstalker24

This is the story of how Peter gets married without technically dating anyone.

“You can bring your boyfriend with you,” Talia says.Peter stops giving Henry more bits of dried fruit to stare at his sister “Boyfriend?”“Of course!” Talia gestures at Stiles who looks around behind him with wide eyes. “I’m sure the whole family would be interested in meeting your young man.”

Goodbye to a World by mia6363

When he was a boy he’d be out like a light in the car, back when he still had the implicit trust of his dad to keep him safe. Now Stiles needed to be behind a locked door and in the far corner of the room by a window, sometimes only able to sleep on the floor.

The Rest of Our Lives by mia6363

“I don’t know, as a kid I watched a lot of movies, you know? And at first I figured like… I’d be on some great adventure that would take me away from it all, you know? Like Indiana Jones comes around and is all, ‘Hey Stiles, buddy, come with me we’ve got to go save the world.’ Then… you and… everything happened… then I just… I figured I’d die before I was eighteen.”

Do. Or do not. There is no try. by FeelingsDusk

Deaton refuses to teach Stiles anything useful about magic, so Stiles does research om his own and stumbles on a forum/SoMe site for supernaturals. Maybe he finds friends and/or peole willing to teach him the basics. And then things go south in BH.

love me lights out by veterization

Stiles and Peter get snowed in together. (Or: what happens when you accept phone calls from people you haven’t spoken to in over five years.)

A Series of Strange Events by septima_sum

Prompt: I would insanely love a Stiles courting Peter kind of fic. Where Peter is his usual self and hits on Stiles, but the moment it becomes obvious that Stiles is actually reciprocating and trying to court him - Peter ends up very awkward and nervous and has no idea what to do with himself because he didn’t think this would ever actually happen.

stealth mode ottering by nezstorm

The one where Stiles is a wereotter and doesn’t let anyone touch his rock.

Random Texts with Mr. Sexy by DenaCeleste

Stiles and Peter agree to test out a relationship. The only problem is that Stiles is off to university, and much of their interactions will be at a distance. Thank goodness for technology!

They haven’t really reached the boning level of relationship yet, because while Stiles is a horny bastard, he kinda wants to flirt and be wooed and develop a bond before they do the do. But sexting doesn’t count, does it?

The Hello Kitty Caper by RebaK1tten

From a prompt on Tumblr - “Hello we are full grown adults fighting over this last balloon that’s shaped like a cats head.”

Kitty Quintuplets by iCheat

Prompt: Imagine person A getting home really drunk one night and they tell person B that they’re pregnant with kittens.

Hogwarts, to welcome you home by gedsparrowhawk (FaceChanger)

“You understand, Professor,” Harry began, after a moment, “that I don’t have my N.E.W.T.s. I don’t even have my O.W.L.s. Between everything I never had a chance the first time around, and then afterwards there didn’t seem to be much point. Hermione argued for it, of course, but I was so tired of Britain. So technically, I am completely unqualified for the position.”

“Quite a way to begin an interview, Mr. Potter,” McGonagall said dryly.

Or, three years after the war, Harry Potter becomes Hogwarts’ newest Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

An Invincible Summer by ShanaStoryteller

When Naruto is five, he’s gutted by a drunken civilian and presumed dead.

Six months later a girl with ash pale hair and dark blue eyes enters the Academy.

backslide by blackkat

Naruto’s friends are gone, his lover is dying, Konoha is destroyed, and Madara’s second return has pushed the entire world to the brink. Hunted and harried, Naruto is sent back in time to upend Madara’s plan before it even starts, and sets about changing everything. Butterfly effect nothing: the world is at stake, and Naruto is hardly about to let it fall to ruin once more. Not while he’s still breathing.

Mad geniuses and fluffy tigers by amlago

This is pure fluff about Calvin and Hobbes working at Stark Industries.

#Message #Teen Wolf #Teen Wolf Fanfic Rec #Steter #Naruto #Naruto Fanfic Rec #Harry Potter #Harry Potter Fanfic Rec #Calvin and Hobbes #Marvel #Crossover #Crossover Fanfic Rec

101 notes · View notes