i started playing a new pokemon fangame just to try it and. it's certainly a journey

— — —

PRO: i got a shiny because the game has boosted shiny odds, and they changed the shiny colors to be cooler. fun shiny moth :)

CON: this BITCH changed my gender on me and he won't change it back unless i give him some stupid crystal or whatever. i didn't even WANT him to change my gender! i was tricked!! he's got pokémon in cages in his creepy dark basement and he's shady as fuck!!! c'mon man, this is what i fuckin' get for giving you a chance????

PRO: cool story so far. people actually swear sometimes and it's pretty funny

CON: my mom's probably dead or a bad guy/worked with the bad guys at some point

PRO: you get to choose your pronouns at the beginning

CON: uhhhhhh everything is on fire, as i suspected. at least at the beginning disaster it is

SCENARIO REQUEST: ❝stupid rumour.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Bakugou Katsuki ]

「 Bakugou who has a crush on you ― the transfer student who has trouble speaking and writing Japanese but can understand the language He helps you on your language skills and develops a crush on you. Then you heard rumours of Bakugou liking Uraraka and you started become distant.」

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

"I thought I told how to do this one so many times and how did you manage to fuck it up?" Bakugou groaned, looking through your midterm paper.

"I'm really trying my best but kanji is just no good for me alright?" you grumbled, snatching the paper from his hands. It was quite embarrassing to be struggling with Japanese literature and other subjects.

Sure you were born and raised in Japan but due to some business issues, your family had to move to [Preferred Country]. And to be honest, you spent most of your life in [Preferred Country] instead of Japan so you weren't really familiar with kanji at all. It wasn't only kanji, its just the Japanese language in general. You didn't have much problems talking but when it comes to reading and writing, it was a problem so when it comes to studying, you were in big trouble. You have been whining about failing your tests and Bakugou — who happened to be your personal tutor. He got tired of your whining and decided to help you in hopes of making you shut up.

You can't really tell why Bakugou decided to help you in the first place. The two of you never got along that well to begin with. The ash blonde was very competitive by nature and when you showed promise during training, he seemed to have made you his target somehow. Bakugou never actually cared about the people in the class but you were different somehow. He was always easy to rile up and you enjoy messing around with him sometimes. It was almost safe to say that you spend most of your time with him. 

Since the day you transferred into UA, you struggled with your studies. Kanji now appeared to be an alien language to you and during tests, you struggled to understand the question. Bakugou picks up the scattered paper on your desk one by one, skimming through your mistakes and assessing your performance. You didn’t do that bad and only failed Japanese History and Literature. Your scores were really low and it barely hit the passing mark. 

Sometimes you like to think that you and Bakugou had something special but you're just a transfer student. Bakugou and Uraraka probably have a relationship that you could never understand. He respects Uraraka's strength after that one incident during the Sports Festival tournament. You stared at the two who happened to be queueing for lunch, having a conversation that you can't hear from where you were sitting. After a while, you took your eyes off them and sipped your drink.

"Do you think he likes her, [First Name]?"

"I'm sorry what?" you blinked, turning your attention towards Hagakure who sat across you.

"I'm talking about Ochaco-chan and Bakugou-kun!" the invisible girl gushed, her sleeves waving about to show her excitement. You blinked a couple of times, unable to process. Judging from her tone, you assumed that she thought you understood what was going on between the two. However, that wasn't the case, you yourself are clueless.

"But [First Name]-chan and Bakugou-kun are close in their own way too! Something going on between the two of you?" Ashido who was sitting next to you decided to direct the topic towards you instead.

"Nothing is going on between us. In fact, I think at some point he's gonna stop teaching me because of how I always disturb him." you muttered with a chuckle.

"Typical Bakugou. You can still join our studying sessions if you want. My offer still stands." Yaoyorozu smiled gently. You shook your head in response and gave the same answer as you did when the black haired girl proposed the idea to you.

Originally, it was Aizawa who forced Bakugou to tutor you in the first place. You had failed your tests miserably at first and your homeroom teacher seemed to notice that you struggled with communication sometimes. And Aizawa had this crazy idea to assign Bakugou to tutor you. He had hoped that the ash blonde will grow to become more social and cooperative. Honestly, you thought that it was such a bad idea at first. Bakugou was very rough with his words, impatient and is short tempered. You've tried to be nice and dismiss his behavior but at some point you just found him very amusing. You weren't sure if the two of you actually got along well or not.

However, you like to think that you both are actually on good terms. Even though he gets frustrated whenever you struggle to solve a question, he would leave you alone and give you pointers. He also likes to reward you with small treats like your favorite snacks and drinks. Bakugou also pays attention to your behavior a lot. Since the two of you are always studying everyday after school, there will be times where you will be so worn out from training. If that's the case, Bakugou will go easier on you.

"I've heard from someone that Bakugou has feelings for her since first year." Hagakure whispered as she saw Uraraka approach the table. The conversation was cut short when your brown haired friend arrived at the table with her pork katsu don. She looked between everyone, wondering why you all grew silent all of a sudden.

"What were you guys talking about?" she asked, taking a seat next to you. Acting completely natural like a smartass you were, you decided to just continue eating your lunch as if you were never a part of the conversation to begin with.

"We were talking about how there's this rumour of Bakugou having a crush on you since first year." Ashido chirped. Uraraka let out a noise akin to surprise before waving her hands defensively.

"Wh-Wha!? That's not possible!" she said quickly before glancing over at the ash blonde and then towards you.

"Why not?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

"W-Well, that's because....." the girl seemed a bit nervous and you see her glancing at Bakugou a couple of times.

You rested your elbow on the table, letting out a knowing hum. It didn't take long for you to get the hint that Uraraka might actually reciprocate his feelings. A small frown was etched on your face as you looked away from the girl seated next to you. Bakugou would never just suddenly stop to stare at someone, especially knowing that he can be caught staring. It was just as you had suspected earlier. 'To think that I thought there's something special between me and Bakugou.' you thought to yourself, keeping yourself out of the conversation while the girls teased Uraraka for getting so defensive.

The next day, Bakugou was packing his things and thinking ahead. He could already hear you grumbling something to yourself as you cleared your own desk, preparing to head back. There was a homework assigned to everyone and you will — for sure — be begging him to help you with it, even though its due in 2 weeks and you have plenty of time. Just as he was about to call out your name, Kaminari and Kirishima approached his desk.

“Hey Bakugou! Some of us are planning to go watch a movie after school, want to join?" Kirishima asked. Bakugou raised an eyebrow at this, looking slightly annoyed.

"Why would I wanna go with you extras?" the ash blonde grumbled.

"Because it will be fun! Everyone is coming right?" Kaminari turned towards the group of girls that has gathered around your desk.

"Yeah, most of us are!" Ashido chirped happily. 

"Come on Bakugou-kun! I think its a great opportunity for you and [First Name]-chan to take a break once in a while. And besides, she's been looking forward to this movie." Uraraka told the ash blonde.

Bakugou glanced over at you, seeing that you were somewhat looking forward to relax today. It was Friday, and probably the best day to take a break from all that studying. The ash blonde had been pushing you a bit too hard and maybe this is his chance. Bakugou reluctantly agreed but not before telling them to not chose some stupid movie. He shook his head, telling himself that he's not doing this just because he thinks that you deserve a break and that he likes you or anything. Just as he finished packing, he looked over towards you, seeing Hagakure approach your table with a skip.

"[First Name], let's go watch a movie! Even Bakugou is joining! Ochaco-chan just invited him." she exclaimed, motioning to the ash blonde who glared back at her. Your excitement died down a bit, glancing between your invisible friend and Bakugou.

"Um, I think I will pass! I think I'm gonna start with that homework we're given, it's gonna take me a while to finish that after all." you said, quickly gathering your items.

Seeing you leave the class quickly made him confused. Uraraka muttered about how weird it was for you to skip out on going out, especially knowing that you were all going to go watch a movie that you have been looking forward to for so long. Bakugou decided that it was not worth his time to think too much into it and leave you be. He's not your babysitter and it doesn't matter to him what you do anyways. All while he was watching movie, he was thinking about how you should've been here watching the movie.

Just when he thought your behavior on that day was only you not being your normal self ― you did something that he had never expected before. It happened on the day after the movies. He had already expected you to be knocking onto his door and begging him to explain to you about all the homeworks that were given and about that Science quiz on Monday. Sure you came to his room with a handful of your notes and textbooks ― like usual. Your hair was slightly messy from hurrying to meet up with him at the same time ― like usual. It was nothing out of the ordinary, something you both were accustomed to. You always came late, looking like you just rolled off the bed and went straight here.

It was the same old routine until he heard those words.

"Sorry Bakugou! I'm going to be studying with Momo-chan today, she's offered to partner up for the Japanese History project." you announced.

"Hah?" was all Bakugou could only respond with. He was confused. Normally, you would be begging him to become your partner because you're so used to him. What has changed in you?

"Also.....she offered to help me with my studies so you don't have to waste your time on me anymore. Thanks, Bakugou. I won't be bothering you starting from today onwards." you bowed and quickly left him behind.

'Whatever, I don't care.' was what Bakugou said to himself.

There was so much that he wanted to tell you. But he made no effort to call out to you as you hurriedly made a run for it to the elevator. He shouldn't be bothered by this so much. After all, he was only teaching you because Aizawa told him to. The ash blonde told himself that over and over but he couldn't help but longingly stare at your back as you ran away from him as if he was the plague. 'There's no turning back on this. I made up my mind to not be a burden anymore!’ you told yourself. From that point on, you made it a goal to not interact with Bakugou at all.

He was already confused to why you decided to have him to stop tutoring you in the first place. Bakugou didn't seem to bothered by it that much but it did make a lot of people ask him about what happened between the two of you. The two of you were normally seen together most of time and to see you both on your own is just weird. You were now spending time with the girls most of the time and instead of Bakugou, you had moved on to asking other people to assist you with homework.

He wasn't going to lie but the thought of you running to others and asking for help didn't sit well with him.

Today after school, you were seen in the common area doing your homework together with Yaoyorozu. Bakugou had went down from his room to get himself a drink. Now that he doesn't have to teach you anymore, he was much more free. He could finish his homework much faster than usual. Bakugou watched as you grinned happily after being praised for getting some work done. On his way to the kitchen, he passed by Kirishima who looked like he was taking a break from his own studying. 

"Hey, did you two have an argument or something?" Kirishima asked Bakugou who had opened the fridge to get his drink.

"Hah? What you on about?"

"I'm talking about [First Name]. All of a sudden you stopped partnering with her and tutoring her." the red haired mentioned as he looked over at you.

"Why should I care what she does anyway? She's not my girlfriend!" he said, glancing at you in hopes that you did not hear him at all. Lucky for him, you were too immersed in the conversation that you were having with your partner to even care about what was going on in the kitchen.

"But don't you both like each other or something?"

"Who said that!?"

"It's pretty obvious, bro."

Bakugou really doesn't want to admit it but he really likes you ― a bit too much that its starting to get obvious. He was now starting to get worried that you might catch on to his feelings. He looked at you for a moment, watching as you worked on a few tough questions, eyes narrowed at the book in front of you. It was a habit that he learned after being with you for so long and he never said it out loud but you look very cute like that. After a while, Midoriya and Uraraka joined you and Yaoyorozu. Bakugou's eyes narrowed at Midoriya who was helping you with some of the questions.

That should've been him! ― was what he told himself. 

Little did he know, you heard the commotion in the kitchen. Though whatever Kirishima and Bakugou was talking about was unknown to you, you could feel them looking at you. Shaking your head in response, you reminded yourself that you vowed to not get in Bakugou's way anymore. When Midoriya and Uraraka joined your study session, you decided to just focus on your homework now. You can’t lie about the fact that you missed Bakugou’s company. Even though he was always impatient and complaining about how slow you are, he never once left you on your own. Not to mention, he was surprisingly a great teacher.

The Bakusquad ― Bakugou never really liked and approval of that name ― were hanging out in the common area. Bakugou was here against his will, dragged by Kirishima and Kaminari who wanted to play some games together. At the dining table, a few students from Class 1-A were gathered around sharing some treats while the Bakusquad played some games by the couch. Bakugou was seated on one end of the two seater sofa, mindlessly scrolling through his phone and rethinking his life choices.

"There was this rumour that you like Uraraka or something." Kirishima mused while he looked through his phone.

"What?" Kaminari suddenly perked up, drawing his attention away from the video game.

"Hah?" Bakugou raised an eyebrow.

”I’m talking about Bakubro here!” the red head male spoke a bit louder to gain the other boys’ attention.

”Oh now that you mention it, I remember! There was this rumour going on about Bakugou liking Uraraka or something.” Sero piped up, not drawing his eyes away from the game he was playing against Kaminari.

“I thought Bakugou was dating [Last Name] already.” Kaminari pointed out.

”I know right?! I know they both like each other but are afraid to admit it.” Kirishima added in with a triumphant smile.

“No one fucking said that.” Bakugou glared at the boys who began to give him the looks.

”Come on, you were so overprotective of her at that one time when we studied in the library together!” Kirishima started, now his posture upright and eyes filled with determination.

”Oh right! When there were these random people hitting on her, you sure told them off!” Kaminari added to Kirishima’s anecdote.

”But there seems to be some tension between the two of you right now.” the blonde hummed, pausing the game to turn his attention to the conversation.

It took him that conversation to actually realize how much your ignorance has affected him. Not only did you decide not to ask for his help anymore, but you made it your mission to avoid him at all costs. You avoided sitting with him during lunch, not partnering up with him during hero training and clearly turning down invites from your friends whenever you hear that Bakugou will be joining as well. He had confronted you in front of everyone, demanding you to meet up with him. 

And of course, it was hard to run away when he asked you right in front of everyone. The only solution Bakugou came up to get you back and clear this up was to confess his undying love to you. 

You were really nervous to talk to him and for some reason, you had a feeling that you were going to have your heart broken. Bakugou, by all means, isn't oblivious and notices a lot of things around you. So it was no surprise that he realized that something is up with you and that you are ignoring him. He probably has figured out the reason behind you avoiding him already. And you couldn't help but think your reason was really dumb.

“Look, I have no idea what you’re telling but let me just say this.” you started it first, as you don’t wanna regret not saying anything any sooner.

”But I want to tell you that I don’t want to get in your way anymore. And I approve if you want to date Ochaco-chan." you were fiddling with your fingers. So you were aware of this rumour but never made the move to ask Bakugou himself if this was true and decided to just blindly believe in some stupid rumour that some random extra had spread. Bakugou almost wanted to strangle whoever did this because it gave you stupid ideas.

"You are a fucking idiot for believing in some extra's words instead of asking me. Why the hell did you avoid me instead of confront me about the rumours, hah?" the ash blonde was trying his best to remain calm and patient.

"Because.....I was afraid that those rumours are true." you admitted.

"And I'm here to tell you that its not fucking true. Round Face is madly in love with fucking Deku and she's not even trying to hide it. Everyone fucking knows that." he told you.

"So you don't like her?" you asked.

"Stop doubting my words." he flicked your forehead. You shut your eyes and rubbed at the sore spot, muttering a few words about how unnecessary that forehead flick was. Seeing how you looked very unconvinced with his words, his hands squeezed your cheeks together and forced you to make eye contact with him.

"Listen to me, you little shit. I am going to say this once and I am not going to repeat this. Because I have no fucking idea why you are so blind to all of this. You can be dumb at lot of things and frankly, I'm glad that you are." he sighed and you let out a gasp, offended by his words.

"Hey, I'm not dumb―" he cuts you off by squeezing your cheeks to the point where your words were all muffled.

"You're so helpless in your studies without me, its like you can't live without me. But it makes me feel special because you never ask someone else for help and always look for me. Even though you're shit at your studies, you have a really freaking strong quirk. You can be so fucking annoying and drive me insane sometimes but goddamn, how can you be so fucking adorable at the same time?" Bakugou started to get a bit frustrated now and he almost couldn't believe the words he was saying right now. 

You reached to grab his hands and pried them off your face to allow yourself to speak.

"I am not going to listen to you do this any further―"

Once again, Bakugou cuts you off by leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips. You were startled but after a brief seconds, you started to kiss him back. It's what you imagined it to be like, sweet yet fiery at the same time. You melt into the kiss, lifting a hand to cup his cheek while he cards his hand through your hair. You were the one to pull away first, taking a deep breath and you held your gaze. Bakugou looks oddly calm but you could see the red tint on your cheeks that was starting to reach the tips of his ears.

"You're red."

"Oh shut up, you're ruining the fucking mood."

Total: 3593 words Published: 07.06.2021

Thank you for requesting! ｡٩(ˊᗜˋ)و*｡ Not angsty at all actually. At least in my opinion. We hope you liked it! ― author Lou

Thank you for requesting it! We decided to let you readers decide where you're from  Hope you enjoyed this! ― author Natsuki

Requests are closed! Matchups are closed!

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

22. for reds 🤡

This is 100% not what you asked for (yet...👀), but I give you part 1 of what we're calling the Weird King AU. I'm turning this into a proper multi-chapter High School fic because I love you and I'd jump on any bandwagon for you.

xxx

Like most young, conventionally attractive Supervillains, Brick had made a bit of a habit of failing upwards. It was pretty easy in a town full of simpering morons content to project their own narrative assumptions onto him, and who was he to crush their dreams when they made his life a little easier?

For example, dating.

“You can tell me, you know.” His cute date, Tracy, sipped her milkshake across from him.

“Tell you what?”

She softened and reached her hand across the table. “Your tragic backstory. I’ll listen without judgment, I promise.”

Brick tried to think of something tragic, but it all seemed pretty underwhelming as far as Supervillain origin stories went. “You mean like how I was born in a toilet?”

She made an oh shape with her lips. “We all have those days where we feel like we were born in a toilet, Brick.”

He’d dated Tracy for three months before she broke up with him out of the blue in tears: sorry she couldn’t fix his baggage, she just wasn’t strong enough to handle all that tortured darkness, but she wished him nothing but health and happiness. Brick deleted her number from his phone and spent twenty whole minutes staring at the toilet in his bathroom, wondering what the lesson here was.

But everything changed when Mojo got out of prison and moved Brick and his brothers back to Townsville, where he enrolled them in the local high school alongside their former arch nemeses, the Powerpuff Girls.

Suddenly, everything Brick did pre-supposed ill intent. These people remembered him as the pest who had graffitied their local monuments and blown up their cars and endangered their children. They held no love for him, and at best they feared him. This was not Citiesville, where he’d been a tall, cold glass of Voss water in a sea of recycled Dasani.

He found himself thinking about his birthing toilet again as he stepped into the cafeteria alone and the conversation quieted down as his new classmates watched him from the safety of their tables. His next moves here were critical. He was no longer at the top of the food chain, but fear and mystery surrounding his origins and character gave him a certain power over his peers.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of social suicide, I will fear no cringe,” he said to himself.

The jocks were out. Capable though he may be, Brick was not much of a team player unless there was a blood contract involved requiring his participation on pain of satanic torture. The drama kids were also a hard pass, not because he thought drama was lame, but because they had barely noticed him walk in, and Brick did not have the energy to deal with people more self-involved than himself. Some of the unaffiliated tables could be safe, but without a good understanding of the nuanced social dynamics in the high school, he could be heading toward irreversible doom, and that was a risk he was not willing to take.

He saw his salvation just ahead. It was the only option, all else being equal. In an environment where he couldn’t be certain of his baseline status and potential for upward mobility, there was greatness to be had only by association and certainty only in the devil he knew.

Brick helped himself to the empty seat directly across from Blossom Utonium to a chorus of gasps and staring.

Blossom did not startle like her table mates had. She watched him critically behind a head full of bangs as she balanced her soup spoon in her hand. “Really.”

Brick unwrapped the burrito he’d purchased in the lunch line and brandished it before him. “Really.”

He took a bite of the burrito. It was not hot enough. The two girls to Blossom’s left whispered to each other about that bad boy and he’s hot, though.

Blossom daintily spooned soup into her mouth without spilling a single drop as she continued to watch Brick for signs of his imminent dark side transformation.

The guy next to Brick was brave enough to ask him what his next class was. Brick had a mouth full of disappointing burrito, so he passed the guy the printout of his class schedule in lieu of answering.

“Wow, all APs, huh? Hey, we’re in U.S. History together next period, nice. I’m Mike Believe, by the way. Brick Jojo, right?”

Brick didn’t answer him immediately on account of the burrito currently occupying his mouth hole, and Mike took it the wrong way.

“Oh, yeah, we all know who you are. Blossom sort of filled us in.” He winced like he’d inadvertently revealed a terrible secret.

Brick swallowed his food and washed it down with a gulp of water. “Saves me some time.”

Mike looked super relieved. “For sure! Hey, I could lend you my notes if you want to catch up. Gershwin’s giving a quiz on the Progressive Era on Friday, and she’s a hard-ass who definitely won’t care that you just transferred…”

Brick chewed on his lunch as Mike continued to talk at him about classes and other vaguely helpful, albeit uninteresting, information. But Mike seemed normal enough, a little chatty but not in an overeager sort of way. Blossom was no longer clocking his every move and seemed to be absorbed in her friend’s latest swim team cheating scandal, until Brick reached for his water bottle and she suddenly laser-focused on his wandering hand.

Her keen attention to him was honestly flattering, if expected. It was in his nature to be noticed, and in this narrow respect she was no different from anyone else whose head he turned. If she chose to feed her interest with the flames of suspicion, then it was no difference to him.

But if she was anything like him—and on a chemical level she was probably the closest to him that a person could get—he suspected it took tremendous effort to hold her full and sustained attention. The world they inhabited was as vapid and mundane as the humans that surrounded them, and even the most gracious of gods grew bored of worship. Which explained all the smiting and fucking and generational curses upon entire households in everything from Greek mythology to the Old Testament.

Brick was pretty deep into a fantasy of Blossom going full Ixion and the Wheel on the swim team when Mike tapped his shoulder. “You ready to go?”

It took him a moment to realize the bell had rung and he had a class to get to—AP U.S. History with Mike, apparently. Brick gathered his tray and his bag and followed Mike. When he looked back at the table, Blossom was already gone.

xxx

That whole first week was painfully boring. No one bullied him, or pranked him, or picked a fight with him, of course. But no one really approached him, either. His brothers were more determined to make an effort. Boomer announced he was trying out for the soccer team because there was no rule saying a Super with extremely well documented ties to active criminals and the forces of Hell couldn’t kick a ball around a field. Butch had gotten himself invited to a midnight screening of Snakes on a Plane in some rich kid’s home movie theater, but only after that same kid had accidentally spilled milk on Butch and burst into tears in front of a cafeteria full of Juniors and Seniors. Brick declined the invitation Butch extended to him. He had that AP U.S. History exam to study for on Friday, anyway.

He shared all of his classes with Blossom. Even in the classes where her assigned seat was behind his and he couldn’t see her, he could feel her lobotomizing stare at the back of his head whenever she glanced up from her notebook. And while Mike’s notes were perfectly adequate and the friendly gesture counted for more than the content (a gesture Brick would not soon forget), there was a far more efficient way to accomplish his goal of murdering the class averages while also taking the edge off his loner doldrums.

“Can I borrow your class notes?”

Blossom rose from her seat and pulled her hair tie out to re-do her extremely long ponytail. She held the elastic between her teeth as she worked. Her teeth were very straight, he noticed. Some pretty nice girl-teeth, generally speaking.

“Which class?”

“All of them.”

He watched her wind the elastic around her hair with quick, adroit fingers. “That’s a lot of notes.”

“You’re the top of every class. No point in asking anyone else.”

She moved toward the hall. He followed her out. “Why would I help you?”

A legitimate question delivered without venom. Unlike her sister Buttercup, who’d “run into” Brick after school on Monday and told him to watch his back, Blossom didn’t have to do anything but maintain a general proximity to make her superiority complex known. Which was the kind of flex he could fuck with.

“Isn’t helping people sort of your mandate?”

They had arrived at her locker, which she opened with enough force to rattle the hinges. “I help the helpless. Are you helpless, Brick?”

Brick smiled at her baiting. Had she ever actually said his name at a normal volume before? It sounded good even in her baseline bitch timbre. “Critically helpless. I’m the new student who transferred in the middle of the semester, and you’re the only person who knows me.”

A couple other students clearly trying to get to the lockers Brick was blocking hovered just out of reach. They whispered to each other, but neither of them actually worked up the courage to ask Brick to move. He ignored them.

Blossom rummaged in her locker for the binder she would need for the next class. “Make friends.”

“Working on it.”

The locker door slammed and she faced him. There was something confrontational in the way she held herself before him that kicked him in the nuts back in time thirteen years to their more uncouth days when all he wanted to do was destroy her so he’d be the only one. Now they were older and wiser and he actually did need her notes to study, so destroying her was not high on his list of priorities.

“You want to be my friend.”

“We have so much in common.”

“So do lions and hyenas.”

“Both are apex predators, so.”

She took a step closer and peered up at him. Brick did not move, although he wondered what was so interesting about his face. She probably just thought he was hot. She was probably as bored as he was. She probably—

“You have lettuce in your teeth.”

Brick pulled back and covered his mouth on instinct. God fucking damnit.

Blossom was already walking away from him by the time he’d picked the food from his teeth. “I’ll expect my notes back in mint condition before first period tomorrow morning.”

Brick pressed a fist against the lockers and quietly fumed. “Dumbass…”

“Um, sorry, but do you mind…?”

The student who’d been waiting for her locker space to clear up had her palms up as if to assuage a feral stray. Brick pushed off the lockers, but his fist left a dent where he’d unleashed some of his impotent self-pity. He looked back at the girl, and she shook her head.

“It’s fine! It, uh, it happens sometimes.” She pointed a couple lockers down to Blossom’s, which was dinged up worse than the others.

Brick stared at Blossom’s locker, and then back at the girl. Her narrow, dark eyes were wide, but not out of fear. She was waiting for something, and like an idiot it took him a moment to catch up. “You’re trying to make me feel better about fucking up your locker.”

She laughed nervously. “I mean, it’s really fine! You just looked so miserable for a second there, and I just thought…”

Great, he was moping so hard he had an audience.

The five minute warning bell rang, and a flood of students rushed past them on their way to fourth period. Brick stepped aside so the girl could get to her locker.

“Hey, you’re the new guy, right?”

The new guy, yeah. How quaint. Except, she was waiting for a response, which wasn’t the absolute worst thing that had happened to him all week.

“Brick,” he said. But of course, she already knew that, and she was just being nice.

“I’m Kim. Kim Chan.”

“Okay.” He didn’t have anything else to say to her, so he decided to get his shit and get to his next class.

“Welcome back to Townsville, Brick.”

Brick shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked off. It didn’t occur to him until later that Kim was the first and only person who had properly welcomed him back home.

Comfort

Where Y/N has a breakdown, and Bakugo helps.

Pairing: Bakugo x Female!Y/N 

Word Count: 1.3k words 

A/N: So uhh, I feel like i took a lot of creative liberties here, but yeahh. This is purely self indulgent and ngl, most likely OOC (Out of Character) Bakugo. It also might seem dramatic considering she had a breakdown over a single grade, but again, it’s purely self-indulgent and yes I imagined this whole thing to calm myself down . Please be nice, but constructive criticism is welcome! Also, I have no clue what universe they’re in but its like a mix between BNHA and our reality lmao. Also I might come back to this and fix up grammatical errors and anything that sounds weird, and change up the title bc I’m extremely uncreative help.

Song: Ribs by Lorde (I’m in a Lorde phase don’t mind me)

It was loud. Loud in your head, loud in your ears, just loud. You tried to stop the feeling of numbness, tried to drown out the screaming thoughts by quickly stuffing your earphones into your ears, and increasing the volume of the music blasting through your earphones, tried to ignore the pain in your heart. 

My mom and dad let me stay home; It drives you crazy, getting old; This dream isn't feeling sweet; We're reeling through the midnight streets;  And I've never felt more alone; It feels so scary, getting old;

You tried to stop the tears from spilling as the meaning of everything just hit you, hit you so hard it just left you reeling, as you tried to reel all the thoughts all the feelings back into your heart, just to get everything to stop. You just wanted everything to stop, you didn't wanna feel hurt anymore; didn't want to feel scared anymore didn't want to feel pain anymore; it was all just so exhausting. 

But your brain wouldn't listen to you; drowning you with the thoughts swirling so fast you can only understand fragments of them. You can barely remember what happened as you ran out of the class, and to your room; lights off as you just curled up under your blanket, cuddling your plushie so hard as you tried, and failed, to keep the tears from falling.

It took him a total of 10 minutes for him to find you. He hadn't missed the heartbroken look on your face when they all received the marks for their weekly biology quizzes at the end of their class; hadn't missed the panic and exhaustion threading through your every movement for the month as you struggled to finish the overwhelming amount of assignments. 

He watched you as you waited until the classroom was empty when you tried to discretely flee to privacy, packing up your stuff as fast as you could, but not before he caught a glimpse of the big fat F scrawled on top. 

Cussing every single teacher under his breath, he jumped out of his seat. He knew you wanted to specialize in biology, and knew every single dream and worry you had, having spent nights just whispering to each other everything on nights you couldn't sleep from everything. 

He quickly followed you, knocking softly on the door to your room before slipping in, closing the door softly behind him because he knows how much you hate to cry in front of others; knows how much you hate showing this one weakness in front of others. You two were a lot alike in that regard. 

Crouching down in front of the bed, he uncovered your tear-stricken face from under the blanket, suppressing a wave of anger at everyone who made you cry. Your eyes were bloodshot, your eyelids swollen from all the tears.

You flinched slightly at the cool air sitting your wet face, a sharp contrast to the suffocatingly humid temperature under the blanket. You already knew who it was, had memorized the sound of his footsteps, but didn't dare to look at him, scared of crying if you do. 

"Why am I such a failure?" your hoarse voice was the only sound in the still room, hands still gripped tightly around your plushie. 

Bakugo chuckled slightly, clambering into your bed and hugged you, your tears wetting his dry shirt. "I ask myself that too, you know. Why are you such a dumbass?" 

A strong rough hand, gently but firmly gripped your chin, making your watery eyes meet his soft and determined crimson eyes. "Y'know, maybe you're a dumbass, but that doesn't make you a failure." 

"But I'm failing everything. This fricking course-"

"Two quizzes and an essay does not mean everything. You still have time, and you will still excel. And you can say f**ck you to those who say otherwise. So you bombed this quiz; that doesn't mean it's the end of the world for you. So many people around the world fail, but those experiences will only make them stronger and more fierce than ever." He said fiercely, fire red eyes burning into yours. "Why do you think we train so much? It's to make us make mistakes, and to learn from them." 

His warm lips touched your forehead in an endearing kiss, and added, "If you want, I can blow them out of the sky for you." 

You let out a watery giggle, and took a shuddering breath, inhaling his caramel scent and cologne. 

"So what do you do now?" Bakugo asked, after a few minutes of quiet contemplation. 

You simply burrowed your head further into his chest, your voice muffled as you said "I don't wanna do anything; I just wanna sleep here with you forever." 

Bakugo threw his head back as he barked out a rough laugh. "You and I know that's not possible, teddy bear. Plus would you let this one puny mark beat you down? Come on, you and I both know you're much stronger than that." 

"No I'm not." was your only reply. 

At that, Bakugo rolled off the bed, snatching the plushie from your arms as he stood up, the sudden loss of his body heat and the comforting weight of said plushie from your arms eliciting a whine. 

"Give it back," you whined, making grabby arms in Bakugo's general direction as you shoved your face into your pillow. 

"Nope, not until you admit to yourself that you're a much stronger person than you give yourself credit for," Bakugo demanded. 

"But that would be lying, and you hate lying." You accused, shooting up and turning around to face him. 

He simply leaned in, close enough that your noses are almost touching. "That's why you wouldn't be lying. Say it, or the stupid ugly thing gets it." To prove his point, tiny explosions crackled off his unoccupied hand.

"Hey!" you protested "it's not stupid nor ugly; it's just old. Stop bullying it." 

"Then say it." 

"Fine. I'm a strong person. Happy?" 

"Say it with conviction and believe in it too, dumbass." 

You let out a deep sigh, rolling your eyes as you said "I'm a strong person, and I won't let some puny stupid marks break me down because I'm much better than that." 

Seemingly satisfied with your answer, he leaned in and pecked your lips as he threw the plushie onto your bed. "Now get up. We have our chem lab report due midnight and I still haven't started mine, and I know you didn't start yours yet." 

You grumbled as you stood up and stretched, "I hate school." 

Bonus:

Bakugo grumbled over the stove, stirring the noodles as a delicious smell wafted around the mini kitchen. You were sitting on the counter nearby, hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate (it was originally black tea but Bakugo had swapped it quick so you would be able to sleep tonight), legs swinging slightly as you drifted away in your thoughts.

The explosive blonde turned around, smacking you back to reality with his wooden spoon. “Oi dumbass, stay with me here.”

He was well aware of your ability to dwell on past mistakes, even after your tears were long dried, which was the only reason why he decided to let you bully him into making fried noodles at 11 pm after both of you had successfully submitted your assignments.

You jolted back into reality, blinking at him. “Yeah I’m here don’t worry, ‘Suki”

He merely hmphed before turning to the stove, turning it off before separating the hot food into two different plates. Handing one to you, he gestured to the nearby table with his chin. After both of you finished your meals, a comfortable silence falling between you two as you simply enjoyed each others presence. Scooting your chair loudly to be next to his, you smacked your possibly greasy lips against his cheeks much to his disgust, and laid your head on his shoulder.

“ ’Suki?” you said, earning a questioning hrm from him. “Thank you.”

Ignoring the warm feeling blossoming in his chest, he simply slung an arm around you, pressing his lips to the side of your head in response.

Undertow - S. Mendes (VII)

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Undertow Character Quiz

CH VII: Not So Casual Confessions

Wesley’s voice was barely heard as Shawn finally bellowed a plea.

“B-because I love her, okay? I love Y/N!” Every person stood in the cove stilled for an uncertain amount of time. “The day I met her was the same day I was basically banned from the sea for who knows how long and she saved my life. Maybe that was the universe’s way of bringing the ocean to me so I wouldn’t go insane, I don’t know.” Shawn lets an unamused laugh escape, as does Y/N. Hers goes unnoticed by Merlin and Ripley--especially Ripley--as they become captivated by his response.

“But...she made me realize I couldn’t care less if my life was on land or in water, just as long as she is in it. So, you can leave me dead here for all I care. Do whatever you’re gonna do to try and get answers, but don’t expect me to give you anything.” His eyes flicker down to Sandy, still in the viscous grip of his owner. Slowly, Ripley loosens his tight fist around the slimy tube of its body before the eel is flopping to the ground and slithering back into the waters.

“You...love her? A human loves an Atlantean?”

“Yes,” Shawn groans as a painful tremor sweeps through his abdomen. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

Ripley’s body resembled a beached animal from how eagerly he surged onto the sandy beaches of Hawaii. After reviewing Atlantean history today at Abyssington High and discovering the original plans to venture to the surface and make relationships with Homo sapiens, the urge he had attempted to fight for eighteen months finally motivated Ripley’s legs to carry himself onto land. Of course, he grew up knowing this type of action was forbidden amongst all sea folk and considered treason. If caught venturing to shore by anybody under the surface, he could be charged and sentenced to a life behind bars in the most shameful location and under the highest security--the King’s dungeon.

How Ripley discovered interest in land walker culture? Well, the story isn’t quite a nail-biter. One day while swimming towards the shallower ends of the sea, a sinking brick caught his eye. After swimming towards it and examining the material, he concluded it was not those plastic rings most turtles get tied around their fins, nor the transparent shrapnel he had been warned to keep away from in fear of being sliced to bits. It was a tough piece of plank with thinly sliced papers in between, each holding various names and places. After skimming through each page with lit eyes and enamor for his new discovery, Ripley flipped back to the plank at the front to read the large word staring back at him.

“Encyclopedia.”

It was the only treasure of his that he decided to sneak up to the surface with. The book was far too heavy for him to add anything else to the load. After surging himself to the surface, he finds the famous, red landmark staring back at him. It was one which he had meticulously mapped and been swimming to for weeks. A sight which he could never grow tired of. Even it’s picture, filed under the letter ’G’ made his heart lurch for a change of scenery whenever he perused it. Staring before the real thing in front of him and knowing at one point he could be standing on it looking down at the home he had left made his heart start matching the beat of an erratic kick drum.

When he marched onto land for the first time, feeling his feet sink into dirt which was dry, Ripley was appalled at the fact that this was still the same planet. He continued in one direction, not exactly sure what to do now or where his unmarked destination would be. Finally, he shoved his way through trees and stumbled onto a square of cement. Seconds later, his entire body was vulnerable lying atop it.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Ripley’s eyes fluttered open and he brought a hand to his forming concussion. A young woman, no older than him and adorning a vibrant tracksuit halter her jogging on the pavement and leaned down to inspect him for any superficial injuries. Her eyes were shaped like almonds and held the most gorgeous jade color. It’s hue was incomparable to the coral reefs he had been witness to for the last eighteen years. And he thinks it’s his new favorite sight above the Golden Gate Bridge.

“Are you alright?” With the guidance of her soft hand, Ripley shimmied himself into a sitting position and brought up his arm, which was suffering a light stinging sensation. “I’m leaking ...red.”

The girl before him snorts out a laugh, “you’re bleeding. And you’re soaking wet. Where did you come from?” Blinking at her a couple of times, Ripley fully stands up and turns to study the progress he has made on his journey so far. Lazily, he points to the red, steel ladders native to those in San Francisco and she inhales a sharp breath through the nose.

“You jumped?”

“No.” He looks at her. “I swam.”

Furrowing her brows, she nearly scoffs in disbelief at the story of this man slowly unraveling before her. Nevertheless, she remained intrigued and asks, “what’s your name?”

“Ripley.”

“Well, Ripley, I happen to live a few blocks down and own a dryer and some bandages if you’d like to come with.”

“Okay.” He nods, cueing the two to begin their walk back to her home. “What’s a dryer?” He asks, turning to her. And though she should have been concerned for how hard of a fall the man had taken, she elicits a string of giggles without further thought.

“You have a lot of explaining to do when we get back.”

And when they did get back, Ripley did not know what to say. Though it was nice leaving his home to discover a new one named San Francisco, a part of him still remained allegiant to his loved one’s below the surface.

“I can’t really remember much.” Is the excuse he gave. He hoped the questions would end there, but to his dismay, Stephanie continued her interrogation.

“What’s with the book.” She arched an eyebrow, pointing a finger down at the encyclopedia still in his grip. He opened it up, being careful when flipping each wilted page before coming across the landmark he was basking in the sight of not too long ago.

“I wanted to come here. And see it.” Humming, Stephanie nods and reaches a hand toward the book.

“May I?” Ripley nods, relinquishing the book over to her hold and letting her flip through the pages as she pleased.

“One day, when I become a marine biologist and get rich...this is where I’m going.” She turned the book towards Ripley, allowing his eyes to scan the picture in all of its beauty. The setting sun highlighting the sand and bouncing off of people’s glowing skin. The palm trees casting the perfect shade and shaking in the breeze made Ripley want to take Stephanie and swim with her straight there.

“Where is this?” His finger darted out to trace over the photo, as Stephanie read the title of the section.

“Hawaii.” The word sounded like a symphony when it bounced off of her tongue. It felt like Ripley’s insides were rolling down a hill of lush green grass and never wanted to stop.

“Let’s go.”

“Ripley, you can’t just up and leave like that. I mean, you probably have a life and family here…” she begins objecting.

“I wanna go wherever you go.” She turns from the hypnotizing photo of Hawaii’s sunset to his aqua blue eyes, just as mesmerizing. A smile creeps onto her lips, and suddenly, the word “no” seems displeasing to say. So instead she answers with an optimistic,

“Okay.”

“It’s not,” Ripley says, but is startled as another voice joins him in sync. This cues the man to turn, along with Merlin and come face to face with the wanted runaway.

“You were right, Rip.” Merlin elicits a string of menacing chuckles and administers a clap of his hand against his friend’s back. “She swam right after him.” But Ripley’s eyes were already transfixed elsewhere. Specifically, on his stunned child.

“Wesley...I--”

“Dad, what the hell are you doing?” The young man bustled past both of the knights to find his past competitor twitching and curling into himself against the stone floor.

“I...I don’t know, son. It was never meant to go this far--”

“You nearly killed him, dad! God, and for what? What were you going to get out of this?” Wesley ripped mercilessly at the seaweed keeping Shawn’s hands captive.

Ripley repeated his son’s question over and over to himself. No logical answer came up other than saving himself and his family.

“I was trying to protect you--”

“Protect me?” he scoffs. “By kidnapping and beating one of my friends? If you really cared about protecting me, you would actually tell me why you’re always leaving and where you’re going to. You would stay behind and actually ask me how me and mom have been since you’ve left us for some job we don’t even know anything about! More importantly, you would have told me about this!” Wesley retrieves his phone from his pocket, turning the screen towards his father.

Silence passed among the group for a few seconds, before Merlin took the initiative to lean towards Ripley and whisper to him, “You see a black screen too, right?”

“Uh . . . Wesley . . .” Y/N says, glowering her eyes at the boy. Humming, he turns the phone around for himself and gasps. Droplets of water were the only evidence as to what caused the unresponsive device.

“Huh? Oh no, no…” He pats the electronic against his hand, persistently pressing the power button in hopes of some illumination on the screen. His endeavor was fruitless, however, and left the boy sighing in despair. “I knew I should have gotten the warranty.”

“It was a map of the kingdom,” Y/N grumbles beside Ripley. “Not that it really matters anymore.”

“So what are you gonna do now? Take me in?” she asks, turning her stare from Ripley to Merlin. She tries to ignore Shawn’s eyes burning into her profile with dread for what was to come. She just hopes to have one last moment of staring into the hazel rings of his and maybe having her choke her--or kiss her, she is still confused on which was supposed to occur--before she is sentenced to life beneath the water forever.

“Yep.” Merlin smiles proudly to himself.

“No,” says Ripley, earning a hawk from everybody in the room.

“What?” His fellow knight stands beside him, baffled.

“What? I mean—“ Y/N clears her throat. “That’s right you’re not. Now, let Shawn free and we’ll all return back to land,” she commands in an authoritative voice, setting her hands against her hips Shawn’s hands could not wait to squeeze when he finally got the chance to hug her.

“Rip…” Merlin stops him with a hand against his forearm. “What are you doing?”

But Ripley ignores it, absorbing the sight before him. His son finished unraveling all of the seaweed that restrained Shawn’s hands earlier. Y/N approached him cautiously, and bent down to her knees to study the inflictions left on the boy’s skin from Sandy. Shawn tries not to concentrate on his new wounds, and rather, begins rattling compliments toward the woman in front of him.

“That-that dress looks nice on you,” he gulps.

A grin climbs onto her face upon the sight of Shawn’s red cheeks. “I think you already told me that earlier.”

“Well, I’m still right,” he claims through shaky chuckles.

“Eh,” She shrugs, staring down at the floral-patterned fabric. “I think I prefer your hoodie.” A snort comes from Shawn.

He retorts, “I think I’d prefer that thing in the garbage. It probably smelled awful when I gave it to you. And it’s covered in stains and...blegh.” He stiffens when Y/N’s warm hand is pressed against one of his cheeks, which now feels as though it is burning.

“I think I’d prefer you...and your brown eyes...and more of those…”

“Moments?” Shawn offers with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“Yeah, definitely more of those.” She grins, before the unfortunate moment the two shared earlier came to mind. “I’m sorry about what I said...you were right. Getting anywhere close to the water was a mistake.”

“No, I’m sorry. I mean, this is your home for crying out loud. I couldn’t ask you to just abandon it overnight...especially when you make a damn good lifeguard.” His hand reaches to guide a wet tendril behind Y/N’s ear.

“This isn’t my home, Shawn. My home is here, in Hawaii, with cheeseballs and shopping trips with Aaliyah and seafood nights...and you.”

“And Connor.” Shawn adds, earning a chuckle from the girl before him.

“And Connor.” She repeats.

“And Wesley.” The boy straggling behind them coughs, before turning to admire the stone surrounding them.

“And Wesley...but mostly you.” Watching the two lovesick strangers from afar was like staring into a portal from his past. The sight brought proud tears to Ripley’s eyes, despite his attempts to keep his emotions at bay.

“You know that it’s our lives on the line if you let her go,” Merlin states bitterly through his teeth. Ripley’s eyes shine with pride at the scene of Wesley now surveying the cove for the first time, with the two love struck young adults exploring one another’s eyes only a few feet away.

“I know.”

“I’m gonna make sure no one else is coming,” Merlin says. Ripley merely hums, too lost in the moment to be bothered by the knight’s complaints. Merlin glances at Shawn and Y/N, remembering his mission. He slowly walks to the edge of the cove, keeping his eyes on Wesley, who crouched down on a rock and staring at the distant shoreline. With one last breath he slipped into the water, swimming back to Atlantis a fast as he could.

Wesley ran his hand across the top of the water, paying attention to nothing but the ripples he was creating. He felt oddly calm considering how chaotic the past hour had been.

“You know,” Y/N said as she came up behind him. “this is where Shawn and I first met.”

“Really?” Wesley asked. “Was it a ‘meet cute?’”

“I don’t know what that means, but sure,” Y/N chuckled.

“Either way, he definitely likes you.”

“Gee, I wonder where you got that idea from.”

“Just in case you weren’t 100 percent sure.” He turned his head to look at her, offering a small smile.

“Okay, well the fate of humanity depends on us getting to work so I need to explain the plan and get going so you guys can get back to shore.” She nudged his hip and nodded back to Ripley and Shawn, who seemed to take no shame in maintaining their distance.

Wesley grunted as he stood up. “What do you mean ‘you go down and we go back to shore?’”

“We saved Shawn but we didn’t stop the tsunami,” Y/N stated matter of factly. “I have to go down there to finish this.”

“You can’t go down there alone.”

“Why not? That’s the plan.” She turned back towards Shawn and Ripley, feeling like the area was emptier than it was when she first showed up.

“No, the plan was for us to all go down there and finish this off together,” Wesley snapped, drawing Y/N’s attention back to him.

“It’s way too dangerous for you and Shawn to go. You don’t have a map and you didn’t memorize it earlier so there’s no chance I’m letting you come with me.”

“I don’t want you going down there alone.”

“You’re not my father. You don’t get to make that choice for me!” The raise of her voice caught Shawn’s attention. He furrowed his eyebrows at what he was witnessing, still not sure as to what was going on and why he was in the cove again.

“But I’m your friend, Y/N! And as your friend, I care about you and I don’t want you shoving yourself into dagner just ‘cause!”

“I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation, Wesley.”

“What is going on over here?” Shawn asked as he approached the two, a cautious arm slung over the front of his abdomen while he attempted steady footsteps. RIpley, still feeling a weight of guilt sunken like an anchor in the pit of his stomach from his earlier actions, maintains distance but is still in earshot.

“Y/N’s throwing herself into the face of danger like it’s nothing and we’re not allowed to come with her.” Wesley threw his arm out in frustration, letting it fall to his side with a smack.

“Y/N?” Shawn said her name with hesitance. “Is that true?”

“This tsunami isn’t going to stop itself and you guys won’t make it out alive if you come with me.”

“What do you mean ‘go down there’? What in the world is going on right now?”

“Oh my gosh, how many times do I have to explain this?” Y/N groaned with a roll of her eyes.

“It’s only been one time so far,” Wesley muttered, earning a shove and glare from Shawn.

“There’s a tsunami. It was a distraction so they could kidnap you. I have to go to Atlantis to stop it. You guys are gonna go back to shore. End of story.”

“That is definitely not the end of the story.”

“Wesley, I swear I am going to feed you to the dolphins if you don’t shut up.” Before Wesley could even protest, a few disapproving cries came from Douglas and his pod.

“Oh, you’ve eaten worse.” Y/N turns her head, sharpening her glare at the bottle noses.

“No, wait...say that again,” Ripley directs, now with wide eyes. He walks closer to the group of dolphins, still bobbing in the waters leading onto the rocky platform of the cove. As instructed, Douglas and the others repeat the same series of chirps. Simultaneously, Y/N and Ripley bothe elicit petrified gasps.

Wesley and Shawn stood beside another, watching the scene unfold before them with a feeling of trepidation blossoming inside of both of them. “Do you understand what’s happening?” Wesley whispers into Shawn’s ear.

“Not a clue,” Shawn replies in a similar, hushed tone.

“Merlin went to the king to share our location, that’s what’s happening. We need to leave, now,” she says to Ripley, who confirms her order with a nod. “Douglas, get Shawn and Wesley back to shore.”

“What? No. Did you not just hear me say ‘this is not the end of the story’?” Wesley cries, before a loud clap of a crashing wave makes the group collectively flinch. Slowly, the tide began rising higher and higher, ultimately beginning to fill the cove to the top of its coarse walls.

“I think somebody heard you,” Shawn remarks--but his voice is nearly drowned by another harsh wave against the cove’s exterior. He is now fretful as his feet, once planted to the platform, are now hovering over it as he tried to keep his head above water. The dolphins began overlapping in their clicks and squeals.

“It’s the king,” Ripley begins. “He’s gonna fill this cave up to the brim.” He and Y/N, too began bobbing up and down as the water began a drastic rise.

“Well, you two can breathe underwater so what’s the big...ohhh…” Wesley shares a sheepish look with the three.

“Maybe if we swim out he’ll stop,” Y/N suggests.

“What? No, you two are not going out there. Do you know what he’ll do to you?” Shawn asks.

“Do you not realize what he’s doing to you two right now? You’re both forty seconds away from holding your breath for who knows how long—“

“Seven minutes,” Wesley interjects.

“It doesn’t matter,” Ripley and Y/N reply in sync.

“Seven minutes? Dude that’s impressive,” says Shawn, slightly envious. He looks back to Y/N and Ripley, both giving him a look of disdain.

Shawn clears his throat, “Sorry.”

“You’ll still both be dead in minutes. This current is too strong for you two to push through, remember? There’s no other option…” Once again, she turns back to Douglas, who is already awaiting for further instruction.

“Douglas, take them back to shore, please.” Douglas alerts the others of his clan,. Swiftly, the rubbery grey bodies are seen swooping Shawn and Wesley out of the cove as fast as their fins could carry them, not even leaving time for the two boys to protest.

“Are you ready?” She shares what may be a final look with her ex-nemesis, and is somewhat grateful for him now being an ally.

“You kidding? I’ve been waiting for twenty-three years.” The rising water finally fulfills its duty in submerging the two Atlanteans in the deep blue. Their eyes bore deep into one another’s, illuminating a near identical aqua.

“Let’s do this.”

The two surge out into the deep, barely feeling the coral and other bottom-dwellers graze their feet as they journey a reasonable distance from the cove. Precocious, the two scan their surroundings for any threat which could be headed their way. Alas, they were met with relatively clear waters, other than a few finned friends swimming past them without care.

“I don’t understand, where’s the--” before she could finish her question, Y/N’s temple was met with a brutal force that knocked her to the sea floor. Groaning, her eyelids fluttered open and she endured a throbbing feeling on the side of her skull while witnessing the sight of Ripley, already put under beside her. A looming shadow draws her stare up, and she elicits another groan at the sight of its gaping mouth and filtering gils, swimming in circles above her.

“Hammerheads.” She murmurs in distaste, before her new head trauma lulls her into unconsciousness.

LOOK OUT FOR THE NEXT PART OF UNDERTOW COMING 4/2/21!

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Enola Holmes: A Not So Elementary Adaptation

It's cliché and a bit unfair to say that the book was better than the film, but I'm afraid that's precisely where I need to start. Nancy Springer's Enola Holmes: The Case of the Missing Marquess is leagues better than Netflix's adaptation of it. They did her work dirty and to say that I'm shocked at the accolades other reviewers are heaping on the film is an understatement. Before I dive into any critiques though, it's worth acknowledging that not every minute of the two hour film was painful to get through. So what worked in Enola Holmes?

The film is carried by the talent of its cast, Millie Bobby Brown being the obvious heavy-hitter. She helps breathe life into a pretty terrible script and it's only a shame her talent is wasted on such a subpar character.

The idea to have Enola continually break the fourth wall, though edging into the realm of Dora the Explorer at times—"Do you have any ideas?"— was nevertheless a fun way to keep the audience looped into her thought process. Young viewers in particular might enjoy it as a way to make them feel like a part of the action and older viewers will note the Fleabag influence. 

The cinematography is, perhaps, where most of my praise lies. The rapid cuts between past and present, rewinding as Enola thinks back to some pertinent detail, visualizing the cyphers with close ups on the letter tiles—all of it gave the film an upbeat, entertaining flair that almost made up for how bloated and meandering the plot was.

We got an equally upbeat soundtrack that helped to sell the action. 

The overall experience was... fine. In the way a cobbled together, candy-coated, meant to be seen on a Friday night but we watched it Wednesday and then promptly forgot about it film is fine. I doubt Enola Holmes will be winning any awards, but it was a decently entertaining romp and really, does a Netflix film need to be anything more? If Enola was her own thing made entirely by Netflix's hands I wouldn't be writing this review. As it stands though, Enola is both an adaptation and the latest addition to one of the world’s most popular franchises. That's where the film fails: not as a fun diversion to take your mind off Covid-19, but as an adaptation of Springer's work and as a Sherlock Holmes story.

In short, Enola Holmes, though pretty to look at and entertaining in a predictable manner, still fails in five crucial areas: 

1. Mycroft is Now a Mustache-Twirling Villain and Sherlock is No Longer Sherlock Holmes

This aspect is the least egregious because admittedly the film didn't pull this version of Mycroft out of thin air. As the head of the household he is indeed Enola's primary antagonist (outside of some kidnappers) and though he insists that he's doing all this for Enola's own good, he does get downright cruel at times:

He rolled his eyes. “Just like her mother,” he declared to the ceiling, and then he fixed upon me a stare so martyred, so condescending, that I froze rigid. In tones of sweetest reason he told me, “Enola, legally I hold complete charge over both your mother and you. I can, if I wish, lock you in your room until you become sensible, or take whatever other measures are necessary in order to achieve that desired result... You will do as I say" (Springer 69).

Mycroft's part is clear. He's the white, rich, powerful, able-bodied man who benefits from society's structure and thus would never think to change it. He does legally have charge over both Enola and Eudoria. He can do whatever he pleases to make them "sensible"... and that right there is the horror of it. Mycroft is a law-abiding man whose antagonism stems from doing precisely what he's allowed to do in a broken world. There are certainly elements of this in the Netflix adaptation, but that antagonism becomes so exaggerated that it's nearly laughable. Enola's governess (appointed by Mycroft) slaps her across the face the moment she speaks up. Mycroft screams at her in a carriage until she's cowering against the window. He takes her and throws her into a boarding school where everything is bleak and all the women dutifully follow instructions like hypnotized dolls. Enola Holmes ensures that we've lost all of Springer's nuance, notably the criticism of otherwise decent people who fall into the trap of doing the "right" (read: expected) thing. Despite her desire for freedom, in the novel Enola quickly realizes that she is not immune to society's standards:

"I thought he was younger.” Much younger, in his curled tresses and storybook suit. Twelve! Why, the boy should be wearing a sturdy woollen jacket and knickers, an Eton collar with a tie, and a decent manly haircut—

Thoughts, I realised, all too similar to those of my brother Sherlock upon meeting me (113-14).

She is precisely like her brothers, judging a boy for not looking and acting enough like a man just as they judged her for not looking and acting enough like a lady. The difference is that Enola has chaffed enough against those expectations to realize when she's falling prey to them, but the sympathetic link to her brothers remains. In the film, however, the conflict is no longer driven by fallible people doing what they think is best. Rather, it's made clear (in no uncertain terms) that these are just objectively bad people. Only villains hit someone like that. Only villains will scream at the top of their lungs until a young girl cries. Only villains roll their eyes at women's rights (a subplot that never existed in the novel). Springer writes Mycroft as a person, Netflix writes him as a cartoon, and the result is the loss of a nuanced message about what it means to enact change in a complicated world.  

Which leaves us with Sherlock. Note that in the above passage he is the one who casts harsh judgement on Enola's outfit. Originally Mycroft took an interest in making Enola "sensible" and Sherlock— in true Holmes fashion—straddles a fine line between comfort and insult:

"Mycroft,” Sherlock intervened, “the girl's head, you'll observe, is rather small in proportion to her remarkably tall body. Let her alone. There is no use confusing and upsetting her when you'll find out for yourself soon enough'" (38).

***

"Could mean that she left impulsively and in haste, or it could reflect the innate untidiness of a woman's mind,” interrupted Sherlock. “Of what use is reason when it comes to the dealings of a woman, and very likely one in her dotage?" (43).

A large part of Enola's drive stems from proving to Sherlock, the world, and even herself that a small head does not mean lack of intelligence. His insults, couched in a misguided attempt to sooth, is what makes Sherlock a complex character and his broader sexism is what makes him a flawed character, not Superman in a tweed suit. Yet in the film Mycroft becomes the villain and Sherlock is his good brother foil. Rather than needing to acknowledge that Enola has a knack for deduction by reading the excellent questions she's asked about the case—because why give your characters any development?—he already adores and has complete faith in her, laughing that he too likes to draw caricatures to think. By the tree Sherlock remanences fondly about Enola's childhood where she demonstrated appropriately quirky preferences for a genius, things like not wearing trousers and keeping a pinecone for a pet. They have a clear connection that Mycroft could never understand, one based both in deduction and, it seems, being a halfway decent human being. We are told that Enola has Sherlock's wits, but poor Mycroft lucked out, despite the fact that up until this point the film has done nothing to demonstrate this supposed intelligence. (To say nothing of how canonically Mycroft's intellect rivals his brother's.) Enola falls to her knees and begs for Sherlock's help, saying that "For [Mycroft] I'm a nuisance, to you—" implying that they have a deep bond despite not having seen one another since Enola was a toddler. Indeed, at one point Enola challenges Lestrade to a Sherlock quiz filled with information presumably not found in the newspaper clippings she's saved of him, which begs the question of how she knows her brother so well when she hasn't seen him in a decade and he, in turn, walked right by her with no recognition. Truthfully, Lestrade should know Sherlock better. Through all this the sibling bond is used as a heavy-handed insistence that Enola is Sherlock's protégé, him leaving her with the advice that "Those kinds of mysteries are always the best to unpick” and straight up asking at one point if she’s solved the case. The plot has Enola gearing up to outwit her genius brother, which did not happen in the novel and is precisely why I loved it. Enola isn't out to be a master of deduction in her teens, she's a finder of lost people who uses a similar, but ultimately unique set of skills. She does things Sherlock can't because she is isn't Sherlock. They're not in competition, they're peers, yet the film fails to understand that, using Sherlock's good brother bonding to emphasize Enola's place as his protégé turned superior. He exists, peppered throughout the film, so that she can surpass him in the end. 

You know what happens in the novel? Sherlock walks away from her, dismissive, and that's that.

That's also Sherlock Holmes. I won't bore you with complaints about Cavill being too handsome and Claflin being too thin for their respective parts, but I will draw the line at complete character assassination. Part of Sherlock's charm is that he's far more compassionate than he first appears, but that doesn't mean he would, at the drop of a telegram, become a doting older brother to a sister of all things. Despite the absurdity of the Doyle Estate's lawsuit against Netflix for making Sherlock an emotional man who respects women... they're right that this isn't their character. Oh, Sherlock is emotive, but it's in the form of excited exclamations over clues, or the occasional warm word towards Watson—someone he has known and lived with for many years. Sherlock respects women, though it's through those societal expectations. He'll offer them a seat, an ear, a handkerchief if they need one, and always the promise of help, but he then dismisses them with, "The fairer sex is your department, Watson." Springer successfully wrote Sherlock Holmes with a little sister, a man who will bark out a laugh at her caricature but still leave her to Mycroft's whims because he has his own life to tend to. This is a man who insists that the mind of a woman is inscrutable and thus must grapple with his shock at Enola's ability to cover the "salient points" of the case (58). Cavill's Sherlock is no Sherlock at all and though there's nothing wrong with updating a character for a modern audience (see: Elementary), I do question why Netflix strayed so far from Springer's work. The novel is, after all, their blueprint. She already managed the difficult task of writing an in-character Sherlock Holmes who remains approachable to both a modern audience and Enola herself, yet for some reason Netflix tossed that work aside.  

2. Enola is "Special,” Not At All Like Other Girls 

Allow me to paint you a picture. Enola Holmes is an empathetic, fourteen-year-old girl who, while bright, does not possess an intelligence worthy of note. No one is gasping as she deduces seemingly impossible things from the age of four, or admiring her knowledge of some obscure, appropriately impressive topic. Rather, Enola is a fairly normal girl with an abnormal upbringing, characterized by her patience and willingness to work. Deciphering the many hiding places where her mother stashed cash takes her weeks, requiring that Enola work through the night in secrecy while maintaining appearances during the day. She manages to hatch a plan of escape that demonstrates the thought she's put into it without testing the reader's suspension of disbelief. More than that, she uses the feminine tools at her disposal to give herself an edge: hiding her face behind a widow's veil and storing luggage in the bustle of her dress. Upon achieving freedom, her understanding of another lonely boy leads her to try and help him, resulting in a dangerous kidnapping wherein Enola acts as most fourteen-year-olds would, scared out of her mind with a few moments of bravery born of pure survival instinct. She and Tewksbury escape together, as friends, before Enola sets out on becoming the first scientific perditorian, a finder of lost people.

Sadly, this new Enola shares little resemblance with her novel counterpart. What Netflix seemingly fails to understand is that giving a character flaws makes them relatable and that someone who looks more like us is someone we can connect with. This Enola, simply put, is extraordinary. She's read all the books in the library, knows science, tennis, painting, archery, and a deadly form of Jujitsu (more on that below). In the novel Enola bemoans that she was never particularly good at cyphers and now must improve if she has any hope of reading what her mother left her. In the film she simply knows the answers, near instantaneously. Enola masters her travels, her disguises, and her deductions, all with barely a hitch. Though Enola doesn't have impressive detective skills yet, her memory is apparently photographic, allowing her to look back on a single glance into a room, years ago, and untangle precisely what her mother was planning. It's a BBC Sherlock-esque form of 'deduction' wherein there's no real thought involved, just an innate ability to recall a newspaper across the room with perfect clarity. The one thing Enola can't do well is ride a bike which, considering that in the novel she quite enjoys the activity, feels like a tacked on "flaw" that the film never has to have her grapple with.

More than simply expanding upon her skillset—because let’s be real, it’s not like Sherlock himself doesn’t have an impressive list of accomplishments. Even if Enola’s feelings of inadequacy are part of the point Springer was working to make—the film changes the core of her personality. I cannot stress enough that Enola is a sheltered fourteen-year-old who is devastated by the disappearance of her mother and terrified by the new world she's entered. That fear, uncertainty, and the numerous mistakes that come out of it is what allowed me to connect with Enola and go, "Yeah. I can see myself in her." Meanwhile, this new Enola is overwhelmingly confident, to the point where I felt like I was watching a child's fantasy of a strong woman rather than one who actually demonstrates strength by overcoming challenges. For example, contrast her meeting with Sherlock and Mycroft on the train platform with what we got in the film:

"And to my annoyance, I found myself trembling as I hopped off my bicycle. A strip of lace from my pantalets, confounded flimsy things, caught on the chain, tore loose, and dangled over my left boot.

Trying to tuck it up, I dropped my shawl.

This would not do. Taking a deep breath, leaving my shawl on my bicycle and my bicycle leaning against the station wall, I straightened and approached the two Londoners, not quite succeeding in holding my head high" (31-32).

***

"Well, if they did not desire the pleasure of my conversation, it was a good thing, as I stood mute and stupid... 'I don't know where she's gone,' I said, and to my own surprise—for I had not wept until that moment—I burst into tears" (34).

I'd ask where this frightened, fumbling Enola has gone, but it's clear that she never existed in the script to begin with. The film is chock-full of her being, to be frank, a badass. She gleefully beats up the bad guys in perfect form, no, "I froze, cowering, like a rabbit in a thicket" (164). This Enola always gets the last word in and never falters in her confident demeanor, no, "I wish I could say I swept with cold dignity out of the room, but the truth is, I tripped over my skirt and stumbled up the stairs" (70). Enola is the one, special girl in an entire school who can see how rigid and horrible these social expectations are, straining against them while all her lesser peers roll their eyes. That's how she's characterized: as "special," right from the get-go, and that eliminates any growth she might have experienced over the course of the film. More than that, it feels like a slap in the face to Springer's otherwise likeable, well-rounded character.

3. A Focus on Hollywood Action and Those Strong Female Characters

It never fails to amaze me how often Sherlock Holmes adaptations fail to remember that he is, at his core, an intellectual. Sure, there's the occasional story where Sherlock puts his boxing or singlestick skills to good use, and he did survive his encounter with Moriarty thanks to his own martial arts, but these moments are rarities across the canon. Pick up any Sherlock Holmes story, open to a random page, and you will find him sitting fireside to mule over a case, donning a disguise to observe the suspects, or combing through his many papers to find that one, necessary scrap of information. Sherlock Holmes is about deduction, a series of observations and conclusions based on logic. He's not an action hero. Nor is Enola, yet Netflix seems to be under the impression that no audience can survive a two hour film without something exploding.

I'd like to present a concise list of things that happened in the film that were, in my opinion, unnecessary:

Enola and Tewksbury throw themselves out of a moving train to miraculously land unharmed on the grass below.

Enola uses the science knowledge her mother gave her to ignite a whole room of gunpowder and explosives, resulting in a spectacle that somehow doesn't kill her pursuer.

Enola engages in a long shootout with her attacker, Tewksbury takes a shot straight to the chest, but survives because of a breastplate he only had a few seconds to put on and hide beneath his shirt. Then Enola succeeds in killing Burn Gorman's slimy character.

Enola beats up her attackers many, many times.

This right here is the worst change to her character. Enola is, plainly put, a "strong woman." Literally. She was trained from a young age to kick ass and now that's precisely what she'll do. Gone is the unprepared but brave girl who heads out onto the dangerous London streets in the hope of helping her mother and a young boy. What does this Enola have to fear? There's only one martial arts move she hasn't mastered yet and, don't worry, she gets it by the end of the film. Enola suffers from the Hollywood belief that strong women are defined solely as physically capable women and though there's nothing wrong with that on the surface, the archetype has become so prevalent that any deviation is seen as too weak—too princess-y—to be considered feminist. If you're not kicking ass and taking names then you can only be passive, right? Stuck in a tower somewhere and awaiting your prince. But what about me? I have no ability to flip someone over my shoulder and throw them into a wall. What about pacifists? What about the disabled? By continually claiming that this is what a "strong" woman looks like you eliminate a huge number of women from this pool. The women we are meant to uphold in this film—Enola, her Mother, and her Mother's friend from the teahouse—are all fighters of the physical variety, whereas the bad women like Mrs. Harris and her pupils are too cultured for self-defense. They're too feminine to be feminist. But feminism isn't about your ability to throw a punch.  Enola's success now derives from being the most talented and the most violent in the room, rather than the most determined, smart, and empathetic. She threatens people and lunges at them, reminding others that she's perfectly capable of tying up a guy is she so chooses because "I know Jujitsu." Enola possesses a power that is just as fantastical as kissing a frog into a prince. In sixteen short years she has achieved what no real life woman ever will: the ability to go wherever she pleases and do whatever she wants without the threat of violence. Because Enola is the violence. While her attacker is attempting to drown her with somewhat horrific realism, Enola takes the time to wink at the audience before rearing back and bloodying his nose. After all, why would you think she was in any danger? Masters of Jujitsu with an uncanny ability to dodge bullets don't have anything to fear... unlike every woman watching this film.

It's certainly some kind of wish fulfillment, a fantasy to indulge in, but I personally preferred the original Enola who never had any Hollywood skills at her disposal yet still managed to come out on top. That's a character I can see myself in and want to see myself in given that the concept of non-violent strength is continually pushed to the wayside. Not to mention... that's a Sherlock Holmes story. Coming out on top through intellect and bravery alone is the entire point of the genre, so why Netflix felt the need to turn Enola into an action hero is beyond me.  

4. Aging Up the Protagonists (and Giving Them an Eye-Rolling Romance)

The choice to age up our heroes is, arguably, the worst decision here. In the original novel Enola has just turned fourteen and Tewksbury is a child, twelve-years-old, though he looks even younger. It's a story for a younger audience staring appropriately young heroes, with the protagonists' status as children crucial to one of the overarching themes of the story: what does it really mean to strike out on your own and when are you ready for it? Adding two years to Enola's age is something I'm perfectly fine with. After all, the difference between fourteen and sixteen isn't that great and Brown herself is sixteen until February of 2021, so why not aim for realism and make her character the same? That's all reasonable and this is, indeed, an adaptation. No need to adhere to every detail of the text. What puzzles me though is why in the world they would take a terrified, sassy, compassionate twelve-year-old and turn him into a bumbling seventeen-year-old instead?

Ah yes. The romance.

In the same way that I fail to understand the assumption that a film needs over-the-top action to be entertaining, I likewise fail to understand the assumption that it needs a romance—and a heterosexual one to boot. There's something incredibly discomforting in watching a film that so loudly proclaim itself as feminist, yet it takes the strong friendship between two children and turns it into an incredibly awkward, hetero True Love story. Remember when Enola loudly proclaims that she doesn't want a husband? The film didn't, because an hour later she's stroking her hand over Tewksbury's while twirling her hair. Which isn't to say that women can't fall in love, or change their minds, just that it's disheartening to see a supposedly feminist film so completely fall into one of the biggest expectations for women, even today. Forget Enola running up to men and paying them for their clothes as an expression of freedom, is anyone going to acknowledge that narratively she’s still stuck living the life the men around her want? Find yourself a husband, Enola. The heavy implication is she did, just with Jujitsu rather than embroidery. Different method, same message, and that’s incredibly frustrating when this didn’t exist in the original story. “It's about freedom!” the film insists. So why didn't you give Enola the freedom to have a platonic adventure? 

It's not even a good romance. Rather painful, really. When Tewksbury, after meeting her just once before, passionately says "I don't want to leave you, Enola" because her company is apparently more important than him staying alive, I literally laughed out loud. It's ridiculous and it's ridiculously precisely because it was shoe-horned into a story that didn't need it. More than simply saddling Enola with a bland love interest though, this leads to a number of unfortunate changes in the story's plot, both unnecessary additions and disappointing exclusions. Enola no longer meets Tewksbury after they've both been kidnapped (him for ransom and her for snooping into his case), but rather watches him cut himself out of a carpetbag on the train. I hope I don't have to explain which of these scenarios is more likely and, thus, more satisfying. Meeting Tewksbury on the train means that Enola gets to have a nighttime chat with him about precisely why he ran away. Thus, when she goes to his estate she no longer needs to deduce his hiding spot based on her own desires to have a place of her own, she just needs to recall that a very big branch nearly fell on him and behold, there that branch is. (The fact that the branch is a would-be murder weapon makes its convenient placement all the more eye-rolling.) Rather than involving herself in the case out of empathy for the family, Enola loudly proclaims that she wants nothing to do with Tewksbury and only reluctantly gets involved when it's clear his life is on the line. And that right there is another issue. In the novel there is no murderous plot in an attempt to keep reform bills from passing. Tewksbury is a child who, like Enola, ran away and quickly discovers that life with an overbearing mother isn't so bad when you've experienced London's dangerous streets. That's the emotional blow: Enola has no mother to go home to anymore and must press out onto those streets whether she's ready for it or not.

Perhaps the only redeeming change is giving Tewksbury an interest in flowers instead of ships. Regardless of how overly simplistic the feminist message is, it is a nice touch to give the guy a traditionally feminine hobby while Enola sharpens her knife. The fact that Enola learned that from her mother and Tewksbury learned botany from his father feels like a nudge at a far better film than Enola Holmes managed to be. For every shining moment of insight—the constraints of gendered hobbies, a black working class woman informing Sherlock that he can never understand what it means to lack power—the film gives us twenty minutes worth of frustrating stupidity. Such as how Enola doesn't seem to conceive of escaping from boarding school until Tewksbury appears to rescue her. She then proceeds to get carried around in a basket for a few minutes before going out the window... which she could have done on her own at any point, locked doors or no. But it seems that narrative consistency isn't worth more than Enola (somehow) leaving a caricature of Mrs. Harris and Mycroft behind. The film is clearly trying to promote a "Rah, rah, go, women, go!" message, but fails to understand that having Enola find a way out of the school herself would be more emotionally fulfilling than having her send a generic 'You're mean' message after the two men in her life—Sherlock and Tewksbury—remind her that she can, in fact, take action.

Which brings me to my biggest criticism and what I would argue is the film's greatest flaw. Reviewers and fans alike are hailing Enola Holmes as a feminist masterpiece and yes, to a certain extent it is. Feminist, that is, not a masterpiece. (5) But it's a hollow feminism. A fantasy feminism. A simple, exaggerated feminism that came out of a Feminism 101 PowerPoint. To quote Sherlock, let's review the salient points:

A woman cannot be the star of her own film without having a male love interest, even if this goes against everything the original novel stood for.

A feminist woman cannot also be selfish. Instead she must have a selfless drive to change the world with bombs. 

The best kind of women are those who reject femininity as much as they can. They will wear boy's clothes whenever possible and snub their nose at something as useless as embroidery. Any woman who enjoys such skills or desires to become lady-like just hasn't realized the sort of prison she's in yet.

The best women also embody other masculine traits, like being able to take down men twice their size. Passive women will titter behind their hands. Active women will kick you in the balls. If you really want to be a strong woman, learn how to throw a decent punch.

Women are, above all, superior to men.

Yes, yes, I joke about it just as much as the next woman, but seeing it played fairly straight was a bit of an uncomfortable experience, even more-so during a gender revolution where stories like this leave trans, nonbinary, and genderqueer viewers out of the ideological loop. Enola goes on and on about what a "useless boy" Tewksbury is (though of course she must still be attracted to him) and her mother's teachings are filled with lessons about not listening to men. As established, Mycroft—and Lestrade—are the simplistically evil men Enola must circumvent, whereas Sherlock exists for her to gain victory over: "How did your sister get there first?" Enola supposedly has a strength that Tewksbury lacks— he's just "foolish"—and she shouts out such cringe-worthy lines as, "You're a man when I tell you you're a man!"

I get the message, I really do. As a teenager I probably would have loved it, but now I have to ask: aren't we past the image of men-hating feminists? Granted, the film never goes quite that far, but it gets close. We’ve got one woman who is ready to start blowing things up to achieve equality and another who revels in looking down on the men in her life. That’s been the framing for years, that feminists are cruel, dangerous people and Tewksbury making heart-eyes at Enola doesn’t instantly fix the echoes of that. There's a certain amount of justification for both characterizations—we have reached points in history where peaceful protests are no longer enough and Tewksbury is indeed a fool at times—but that nuance is entirely lost among the film's overall message of "Women rule, men drool." It feels like there’s a smart film hidden somewhere between the grandmother murdering to keep the status quo and Enola’s mother bombing for change, that balance existing in Enola herself who does the most for women by protecting Tewkesbury... but Enola Holmes is too busy juggling all the different films it wants to be to really hit on that message. It certainly doesn’t have time to say anything worthwhile about the fight it’s using as a backdrop. Enola gasps that "Mycroft is right. You are dangerous" when she finds her mother's bombs, but does she ever grapple with whether she supports violence on a large scale in the name of creating a better world? Does she work through this sudden revelation that she agrees with Mycroft about something crucial? Of course not. Enola just hugs her mom, asks Sherlock not to go after her, and the film leaves it at that. 

The takeaway is less one of empowerment and more, ironically, of restriction. You can fight, but only via bombs and punches. It's okay to be a woman, provided you don't like too many feminine things. You can save the day, so long as there's a man at your side poised to marry you in the future. I felt like I was watching a pre-2000s script where "equality" means embracing the idea that you're "not like other girls" so that men will finally take you seriously. Because then you don't really feel like a woman to them anymore, do you? You're a martial arts loving, trouser-wearing, loud and brilliant individual who just happens to have long hair. You’re unique and, therefore, worthy of attention, unlike all those other girls.

That's some women's experiences, but far from all, and crucially I don't think this is the woman that Springer wrote in her novel. 

The Case of the Missing Marquess is a feminist book. It gives us a flawed, brave, intelligent woman who sets out to help people and achieves just that, mostly through her own strength, but also with some help from the young boy she befriends. Her brothers are privileged, misguided men who she nevertheless cares for deeply and her mother finally puts herself first, leaving Enola to go and live with the Romani people. Everyone in Springer's book feels human, the women especially. Enola gets to tremble her way through scary decisions while still remaining brave. Her mother gets to be selfish while still remaining loving. They're far more than just women blessed with extraordinary talents who will take what they want by force. Springer's women? They don't have that Hollywood glamour. They're pretty ordinary, actually, despite the surface quirks. They’re like us and thus they must make use of what tools they have in order to change their own situations as well as the world. The fact that they still succeed feels very feminist to me, far more-so than granting your character the ability to flip a man into the ground and calling it a day.  

Know that I watched Enola Holmes with a friend over Netflix Party and the repeated comment from us both was, "I'd rather be watching The Great Mouse Detective." Enola Holmes is by no means a horrible film. It has beauty, comedy, and a whole lot of heart, but it could have been leagues better given its source material and the talent of its cast. It’s a film that tries to do too much without having a firm grasp of its own message and, as a result, becomes a film mostly about missed potential. Which leads me right back to where I began: The book is better. Go read the book.

Images

Enola Holmes

Mycroft Holmes

Sherlock Holmes

Enola and her Mother Doing Archery

Enola and her Mother Fighting

Tewkesbury and Enola

[TRANSLATION: anan No. 2231; 12.2020]

7 MEN SAMURAI SOLO INTERVIEW + MESSAGE + CROSS TALK

Scans not mine

Neither an English nor a Japanese native speaker

Feel free to correct me, thanks

7 MEN 侍

Dignified and Bold

7 MEN 侍's long-awaited first appearance on anan. Experiencing a turbulent 2020, these 6 people are pursuing a new entertainment. Challenging the stage play 「DREAM BOYS」, looked closer at their real selves.

Nakamura Reia

I like to make each of my choices the correct answer.

I was originally a kid who skateboards wearing a cap over a long hair and loose jeans. That's why I didn't have interest in being an idol, rather, I thought that having a neat appearance was lame. But, when I unwillingly went to the audition, I was selected to be a member of Snow Prince choir so I couldn't quit...My awareness changed when I started working as Sexy Boyz with Kishi (Yuta) and Jinguji (Yuta). It was different from my lenient and care-free self, I am positive and had the desire to improve myself with my works, I really got motivated. During the time when Sexy Zone who is close to me also debuted, I am the only one who didn't feel impatient or frustrated, rather, I felt "yabai". Since then, I started to think to do my best to be an idol seriously.

I am happy that Johnny-san chose me to be the center of 7 MEN 侍, but I am not the type who pulls everyone, the other 5 members have better skills than I am, they are also reliable, and on the contrary, I am being supported by them. It's just that, only my mental strength is strong. I totally don't care about things like criticisms from the society. Something like it is better to say bad things about me rather than attacking the other members. Because more than those criticisms, the fans are telling me that they like me. Or rather, this toughness might be my unique talent (LOL).

Since I came to like acting because of「Koi no Yamai to Yarougumi」, I want to try playing NG guy who has an older girl as the partner kind of role like「Himemon」or 「Kimi wa Petto」.

Is becoming an idol my fate...? But after all, everything is from the choices that I made by myself. I decided to go to the audition, I was taught by Johnny-san about how wonderful to be an idol, and I've continued being an idol up to now. From now on too, I would like to make each of my choices the correct answer.

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

Before the live, with the meaning of "please look over us", I talk to the photo of Johnny-san that is placed in the backstage room, I also put my hands together. I am the type who is moderately nervous but I don't hate that feeling of being encouraged.

Motodaka Katsuki

It seems that the feeling of home when the 6 of us gathers is very valuable.

I started singing, dancing, and playing on stage when I entered Johnny's. But, being completely absorbed in an instant than being skillful is my strength. But, with the keyboard I am in-charge of, my experience playing the piano since I was 3 years old was put into use. At that time, I really didn't like playing the piano. It was like that but I got the sense of perfect pitch. I am thankful to my parents to let me, who hates playing piano, attend the class.

I am attending college now but during my high school, I got a lot of advices from Snow Man's Abe (Ryohei)-kun. Since I have been chasing him on his back for a long time, I have been encouraged on how he flapped big his wings as Snow Man. Honestly, 3 months before the first concert as 7 MEN 侍, I wanted to see the world from the different point of view so I planned to study abroad in New York. At that time, I once again tried to think about this job. And then, I realized that I grew to love this job. The good sides and the bad sides, as a human being evaluated directly, there's a sense of accomplishment in here. That's why, studying abroad became not necessary for me until I take a break from the work that I love.

This year, I had a lot of chances to be in quiz shows alone, and I thought "Is being not with the members this disheartening?"...To that extent, I can feel that the feeling of home when going back to 7 MEN 侍 is very important. The members often tease me, but since I am not a talkative and interesting type of person, I become happy too when I made them laugh when they tease me. But behind the scenes, the members are relying on me and I often receive personal consultations too. 7 MEN 侍 who is in the process of exploring it's form, now and from now on too, I want to support everyone. And in the year 2021, even if we encounter struggles, this may be the year where we can have a firm grip to make great strides!

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

This is just my own value but I don't believe in luck. Everything is result of my own decision and it is my own responsibility. I don't want to blame "luck", and I also don't want to think that what happened is thanks to "luck". Suppose there is luck, pulling that luck towards yourself is a great deal of effort.

Sugeta Rinne

An idol is a wonderful job that has the charm to inspire people's hearts.

When I was an elementary student, I went to Hey!Say!JUMP-san's live and when I saw a girl who is in front of Yamada (Ryosuke)-kun cry and laugh, I thought that an idol is a wonderful job that has the charm to inspire people's hearts. Rinne also wants to be like that so Rinne uploaded everyday in ISLAND TV during stay home. I had worries like, "Won't they get tired of me?" but it turned to "I am sure the fans are happy with this, right?"

Rinne's special skills are acrobatics and sports, and I was able to appear in shows like 「Honoo-no Taiiku-kai TV」や「SASUKE」. For me, I think a person who is athletic is cool, and since you will want to support a person who is working hard, from now one too, I want to appeal as a Johnny's who can do sports. It would be nice if I can also appear in 「Run for Money」this 2021.

The senior that I admired is Ueda Tatsuya-kun. There was a time during a race in 「Honoo-no Taiiku-kai TV」, I showed off to hype up the audience and my time got slower. During that time, I really got scolded by Ueda-kun saying, "You can't win like that." Since that was the first time I got scolded throughout my Johnny's life, I think a senior who can properly scold his juniors is cool.

In 2020, I got 1 million yen when I guested in 「Quiz! Only 1」, I think Rinne is a guy who can grab luck. Before, when the my previous unit was gone, it felt like I have lost my chance...Given that I thought of quitting Johnny's if I am not going to be put in a group until 2020, I am so glad that I went to talk directly to Johnny-san. Since I now have a group original song and individual job, I think this is really the time to give my all.

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have a ritual that only you doTo have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

Before the actual show, I watch videos of my senior's lives starting with Hey!Say!JUMP-san's. Since I think having a proper image of "idol" as " a work to make people happy", I can do a better performance.

Sasaki Taiko

The 6 of us, even though we are late bloomers, I believe that we can definitely bloom.

The one who opened my path to Johnny's is Takahashi Kaito-kun. I also sent my resume when I heard that Kaito-kun who I thought cool when I saw him in a dance contest. With that, now that I am working as the same Johnny's, this is an amazing fate! I talk about music with Sato Shori-kun who likes the same band as mine, and I also receive dishes that he makes. Kishi (Yuta)-kun who Shori-kun is good friend with, took me to a his favorite soba stall saying, "It's a delicious shop." Since then, I've been addicted to that shop too.

I have been practicing dancing and playing drums when I was a kid, but Johnny-san chose my drumming skills more. At first, even though I am very thankful to be able to show it, I have become greedier and greedier, and I honestly thought that "I can also dance"...But 3 months before Johnny-san passed away, I heard from Oriyama (Nao) of Shounen Ninja that Johnny-san said, "Sasaki is good at dancing too." From here, I want to say with confidence that I am also good at dancing that Johnny-san had recognized. After all, dancing is a must in Johnny's! In addition, while polishing thoroughly my singing and acting too, I want to reach for something extraordinary.

With 7 MEN 侍 changing the members twice, a self-conscious was born each time and I have come do develop mutual trust with them. Even if these 6 people bump into a big wall, if these 6 people are together, they will be able to cross over it, they are probably late bloomers but I believe they can be successful and well known. (T/N: lit. 花を咲かせられる (flower can bloom; it is like an "idiomatic expression" for becoming successful and well known) In 2021, if possible, I want to do a live where 100% of the audience can go. It is going to be a live where they can think "I am glad I am supporting 7 MEN 侍." I'll cry if that happens (LOL).

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

I do things as I please like how I kissed Hamada Masatoshi-san of Downtown in a variety show, but I am really very nervous...Before the show, I am the type who right the character "人" 3 times on my palm, I do it seriously (LOL).

Konno Taiki

I think I could grab the chance because I was able to meet Johnny-san.

I like Kimura Takuya-san since I was 3 years old, and thinking that I want to be like him, I sent my resume to the agency. In year 2020, when I was able to go and see Kimura-san's tour, I told him those feelings, he said, "Let's take a photo together." I thought that a star is different after all.

From the start, even before joining Johnny's, with singing as my strong point, I love singing in front of people. I often sing Misora Hibari-san's 「Kawa No Nagare No Youni」. But when I hit the puberty, I came to hate my own voice. I stopped singing for a while but during my 4th year in Johnny's, when I casually hummed to Kinki Kids'san's 「Anniversary」near Johnny-san, he praised me saying, "You're good in singing!" More than anything else, I am glad that Johnny-san who loved me like a parent recognized my singing which is something that I am trying to make as my strong point. From that moment, I worked hard because I wanted to be praised by Johnny-san, but when he passed away, it felt like I have lost my aim. But for Johnny-san, he hates negative remarks the most. That's why it is not the time to feel down, aiming seriously for this group to debut, I feel like that timing completely changed my awareness towards work. I think I could grab the chance because I was able to meet Johnny-san after all. If that didn't happen, no doubt I am not here now.

2020 is the year where I got to experience a lot of things for the first time. Especially with the stage play 「The Happy Prince」, I was able to feel the enjoyment of plays. I think it would be nice if I can challenge campus love story in a drama or movie this 2021.

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

When I want to calm down, I use a perfume that has a sweet vanilla scent. Since「The Happy Prince」is my first stage play, I was very nervous. When I used this perfume during that time too, it was able to relieve my nervousness.

Yabana Rei

A performance that will also remain to the memories of those who are not knowledgeable about music.

I took the audition 4 times. For the details, you can try watching the episode where I talked about it in YouTube channel (LOL). Even if I passed the document screening but I couldn't go to the practice, I will repeat the cycle of going through audition again. If ever I continued [being a Jr.] during my first audition, I might be dancing and I might not had been able to make an appeal with musical instruments as my special skill during the band boom of Johnny-san. I am being told, "You're not Johnny's-like" because I say that I am better in playing instruments than dancing. It's just that, if I didn't enter Johnny's, I won't be playing instruments until now. So I can say that it feels like a wonderful destiny to be playing instruments as 7 MEN 侍.

Other than the bass that I am in-charged of playing, I also play guitar and harmonica. The first instrument I started with was drums and I got very hooked with 「Taiko no Tatsujin」(LOL). If you play different things, you will pick up the characteristics of each sound and you will be able to make songs too. I also want learn about the theories so I am attending college of music. I am a complete geek as regards to music (LOL). Me going on a rampage on stage is the result of me thinking on how I can show 7 MEN 侍's style. In the letters from the fans, letters with "you are cool playing the guitar" is not few even though I am playing the bass. Since there was a time when I also don't know clearly the difference between the guitar and the bass, so I can understand that feeling. That's why I want to do a performance that will remain to the memories of anyone.

With the aim "to be not less than what I am now" for next year, I want to be able to do more work than I did for this year. ...by the way, this is not a prank, right? I am very overwhelmed lately and I still can't believe that I am having an interview for anan (LOL).

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

Going to this certain shrine. Since I visited there alone during New Year, we had talk about changing the instruments we play and I have luck on my side. I like that it is quiet there even though it is located within the city, when I found that shrine, I prayed to the god of works.

Message

To Nakamura

To stand as the face of the group, you stand as the center of the group. His personality is my pace and gentle-mannered. Since you are not the "follow me!" type, that's why I think the members with strong personalities are also kept in place. Because I get stiff in front of seniors, Reia's sense of "being loved by everyone" is really nice. Even though you have the longest history in agency in the group, you are not prideful at all, Reia who can understand the things he can't do and who can rely to others is amazing. (Motodaka)

To Motodaka

Our overwhelmingly highly educated member. And yet, you are not annoying because you are a cute guy who is an overeater and carelessly says foolish things like "therefore!?" (LOL) Before the group was formed, you are a companion who I find easy to talk with, but you see me as a senior, right? The way you call me too was "Reia-kun". But I am happy that you interact with me on equal terms lately. (Nakamura)

To Yabana

Banasan is seen as someone reliable, and among the fans, I think they see him as peculiar, funny, and has a lively image. But unexpectedly, he has a delicate side too, and he is fairly a considerate person.He is really a very nice person that sometimes he looks pitiful. Well, I also usually tease Yabana (LOL). That's why, everyone too, please take good care of Yabana more! (Konno)

To Konno

He doesn't seem elusive at first glance, but I think he is stubborn. Konpi definitely won't cross the line he can't compromise with. And, he hates lounging around doing nothing. When work is done, he will be the first person who will say "I'm going home." At the start of 2020, when we changed the atmosphere of our band, I was struggling with the hook part's harmony, but Konpi can properly play the sound. I am super jealous of his talent! (Yabana)

To Sasaki

Among the members, he has the biggest gap. Despite being called as "mad dog", he still makes weird faces and also jokes around doing things that are not Johnny's-like. Since he is a youngest child, he might also have an impression of being a brat and naughty. But in lives, he shows a sparking cool dance, and he has a excellent style too. Since his range is really amazing, I hope you can enjoy his both sides! (Sugeta)

To Sugeta

You have the cuteness like an idol. Especially you like Yamada-kun, you have Hey!Say!JUMP's DVD and there was a time when we enjoyed watching it together. Also, your muscle is amazing, you are really healthy (LOL). But in reality, you are the type who will be silent when you get mad so I will ask Reia, "Why is he mad? Did I do something?" (LOL) Thinking of the members, I think the member who likes 7 MEN 侍 the most is Rinne! Since you always listens to our original songs. (Sasaki)

Cross Talk

Motodaka: anan is the magazine that my mother often buys. Thus, I am happy to be able to appear in anan! At home, I am always being asked, "Are you going to work today?", but this morning I said, "No, it's not for work" (lit. it's different). I want to make it a surprise [for my mom] once this issue is released.

Yabana: It would be funny if she didn't notice it even if it is already released~!

Nakamura: Even when they have the magazine at home LOL.

What is the history of your group name?

Sugeta: At the time we got the group name, I was doing activities with another 7 people. Rinne and Reia went to Johhny-san asking "we want a group name." And then, Johnny-san told us "I understand, I will think about it."

Nakamura: And then we thought that day was already over.

Sugeta: 5 minutes later, we got called "Samura~i!"

Nakamura: I thought, "Who is he calling Samurai!?" but when I looked around, it is only us who were there.

Sugeta: When the 2 of us went to Johnny-san, he asked us, "Do you know Kurosawa Akira's 「Shichinin no Samurai」?" Then, when we answered, "We know that film," he told us, "Then, how about being called 7 MEN 侍 from now on?" Each of the samurai who appeared in the movie are properly...like this...

Konno: Having strong personalities and skills.

Sugeta: Yeah

Konno: I am grateful that 7 people like that (having strong personalities and skills) were gathered.

Have you seen the movie?

All: ...(Only Nakamura-san raised his hand)

Nakamura: Wait a minute!

Sasaki: Everyone has not seen the movie except for Reia LOL.

Nakamura: It is the origin of our group name so let's watch it~!!

Yabana: Gerin-san (Sugeta) lying to Johnny-san saying "I know the film" is the worst LOL.

Nakamura: It is a wonderful film and you will learn something from it so please watch it!

What is 7 MEN 侍's strength?

Motodaka: Our difference from the other groups is that [playing a] "band" is our strength. As idols, we don't only play as a band but we can also show our dance.

Sasaki: Yeah, having both band and dance as "weapons" is huge, isn't it?

Motodaka: Yeah, since our first original song 「samudama」 is a band song, and our second original song 「Siren」 is a dance song.

Konno: When our next song was thought to be a band song too, our next song came out as a cool dance song.

Nakamura: With this, our third song became something incalculable. From now on too, I want for the fans to look forward to what our new song is each time we announce our new song.

Within the group, who is the member who has the element of "samurai" the most?

Konno: It's either me or Yabana, right?

Sugeta: Is it about the appearance?

Konno: In the sense of sticking with the will.

Yabana: Don't say that yourself!

In Yabana-san's solo interview, he described Konno-san exactly the same way you with what you (Konno) have said...

Konnp: Is that so? Then I shouldn't have said it. Please tell me properly about it. This is embarrassing!

Motodaka: Konpi dragged Yabana with guarantee LOL. For Yabana, getting dragged is just a trouble.

Yabana: Don't drag me into it~!

Nakamura: LOL. I love kanji, I wonder if that is samurai-like. I also play Sengoku. But, if we talk about the body, then isn't Rinne the one who is samurai-like?

Sugeta: Rinne thinks that more than being a samurai, I am more like a ninja.

Yabana: What is that? A self-awareness of a secret mystery from your heart LOL.

Nakamura: Of course we are idols, but I think it is also good to show the manly side of us exclusively during our band performances.

Yabana: We will go on a rampage like Sakamoto Ryouma who tried to change Japan!

Sasaki: For me, changing...or rather it's more like I want to create a new path.

Konno: Defying the public belief.

Yabana: The awareness that we don't want to go with the typical type is something we all have in common, right?

Motodaka: All 6 of us have different personalities but we that the same awareness.

Konno: We don't want to pretend to be someone else.

Sasaki: It's a subjective image but I think protecting a girl is an element of a samurai. It is gonna be a cheesy talk but I want to be an idol who can protect the fans.

Motodaka: You just said something really good! But, what would be the good thing to do to protect the fans?

Sasaki: I think making them happy.

Sugeta: By making our fans happy, as a result, we are able to protect them!

Motodaka: We are saying good things today, aren't we?

Nakamura: With what said earlier , it doesn't feel like you worked LOL.

Currently, you are in the middle of practice for the stage play 「DREAM BOYS」.

Konno: I watched the DREAM BOYS 2019 where Reia and Taiko appeared, and since I thought I wanted to appear on it again, I am so happy to be able to appear on DREAM BOYS again.

Sugeta: Since there is already a vision in Domoto Koichi-san who is directing the play, I am looking forward to recieving direction and guidance even before the practice.

Sasaki: Reia will stand in front of the audience after a while, right?

Nakamura: Yeah. I currently have a feeling like I am seeing the person I love after a while that my heart is throbbing.

ALL: OH~!!

Sasaki: Rinne made a face that he doesn't want to lose [to Reia] after hearing Reia's comment LOL.

Nakamura: Probably, this comment will be used by Rinne on a different interview, right? LOL.

What is the charm of 「DREAM BOYS」?

Sugeta: The burning passion of two men towards boxing is its charm after all, right?

Nakamura: Yeah. The feelings are delivered in a straight manner.

Motodaka: It is a story that firmly depicts humans and their relationships with each other.

Sasaki: Youth! It has the entertainment that is unique to Johnny's so you won't get tired of watching it. Oh, which minds me, as soon as the practice started, Kishi (Yuta)-kun asked, "Is Yabana not around today?"

Yabana: He told me "teach me how to play the guitar please." It is an honor to be needed by a senior.

Sasaki: But (Iwasaki) Taisho is a strong opponent. It looks difficult to keep up with him LOL.

Yabana: Taisho mistook me for a nourishment or something and my energy gets absorbed.

Konno: It looks like Yabana has no time to rest LOL.

By the way, 7 MEN 侍 still does not have a leader, right?

Sugeta: *raised actively his hand alone*

ALL: *roar of laughter*

Sasaki: If our leader is like Rinne, 7 MEN 侍 is seriously over LOL. This is different from asking in in the werewolf game on who is the fortune teller and you will say, "I am."

Yabana: I think it is his win because he said it first LOL.

Konno: Announcing it during the anan round-table discussion which is a big occasion LOL.

Yabana: Doesn't it feel like the same thing for the MC part in YouTube channel...?

Nakamura: When Rinne realized that being the MC is not that great...

Sugeta: Well, whatever!

Sasaki: Since he stopped doing the MC, he wanted to have punishment games so that he would be shown in the camera even just for a little LOL.

Sugeta: In the filming recently, Rinne is always beside Yabana, right?

Motodaka: Don't tell me that's because if you are standing next to the MC, you will be in the camera too...?

Sugeta: Yup. I revealed this for the first time now.

Konno: In a sense, you are a genius LOL.

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“Should I Get A Divorce?” Speaks,  Oct 6, 2020

- This video is weird. He’s trying to make himself seem smart and insightful about marriage because his marriage is “successful”, while most people complain about their marriage. - There’s one part where he says people don’t understand you don’t have to be lied to or cheated on in a relationship. Which is pretty ironic coming from him. He shows a clip of an upset wife asking her husband what he’s doing with a woman in a bedroom. The husband and the woman are getting dressed. The husband keeps asking “Who?” “What?”, pretending the woman isn’t there. Later he shows more of the clip where the wife is still questing him. He keeps pretending he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She looks in the bedroom again and the woman is gone. The wife looks confused. Love that gaslighting. Just like when Jamsey boi cheats. “I didn’t cheat. It was the other person who cheated on you, my spouse” “You said I can’t have oral or vaginal sex with your friend. You didn’t say anything about anal.” - In another part he says there are people who constantly complain about their s/o and they hide away in a man cave.. he says this while in his garage man cave. 😑 Which we know he spends most of his time in. Like, way longer than normal working hours.  - He says he used to look angry in his old Speaks videos because of his marriage at the time. That’s total crap. He only shows clips from videos where he used his old militant persona for videos like his anti-meat videos. He made plenty of mushy Speaks videos talking about how happy he was with Skye back then too. 🙄 - I think he made this video during his short guru / advise phase.

“gotta say goodbye for a little bit” Speaks, October 8, 2020

- Tells his viewers they can listen to this video without watching it if they like to listen to people talk, like Kai used to do. [This is definitely meant to be another guru / advise type video. I can tell by his tone.] - Says he’s married to Kai for almost 8 years. (How Kai found James story) Says he married a fan and had children with them. He says they now have an awesome dynamic, but he knocks on wood because people who are together 18 years still get divorces. Says you never know, things can suddenly fall apart. - Says it’s cool because at the time he didn’t listen to social standards. Kai was 17 at the time, but lied about his age. Most people would have said don’t go for the relationship because Kai lied and the age gap, even though it was legal. He listened to the law and his heart and now he’s in the happiest marriage of his life. - “F society.” If he listened to society, he wouldn’t know where he’d be or what relationship he’d be in. Says you have to follow the legal system or your life is ruined. - Says he was an air force cop at one point because he believed in justice. He doesn’t think he wanted to shoot people, but he excelled in the cop program. He says he met Magic Johnson in the cafeteria at Lackland Air Force Base. He barely knew who Magic Johnson was, but he thought it was cool a famous basketball player was there. James asked him if he could take a picture and he said yes. He says he took a picture of him like a reporter and not a selfie. He still regrets that. - Says he wants to talk about the future of this channel. Some people appreciate he’s been uploading every day, but he wants to focus on sites that aren’t shadow banning people or algorithmically demoting people. He feels like Youtube is king in letting negative opinions prevail, even if it’s invalid. If the engagement shows people are mad at you, Youtube used to go the harsh truth route. He says that was nice. He says he once made a fake meltdown video in response to a video Leafy made about him. He says it’s fun for him to make fake meltdowns. - He says he and Kai took a quiz today and found out Kai’s IQ is 136 and his is 129, so Kai is smarter than him. - After the meltdown videos, Youtube algorithm didn’t favor him as much. He says maybe it was because he said they were fake. - He says he has been thinking about websites and how they treat users. Says Twitter is one the best because they don’t care about what your opinion is. They just care about their rules. Says if people don’t like you on other sites, they will shadow-ban you and you’re done for. He says his reaction video to Leafy’s video got 1/6th the views Leafy did, so there was a bleed over of traffic. Now when someone says something negative about you, YouTube will only promote videos that agree with that narrative. Says if you only want to hear negative stuff about Joe Biden, you’ll only see negative stuff. He says it’s financially productive, but it’s not ethically productive.

[I just want to pause here and vent a second. Yes, James fell out of the YouTube algorithm, but he’s had plenty of chances to sweep back into it. Like when he was getting tons of views on those fake meltdown videos in January. The reason those viewers didn’t stay is because there is nothing good for them to watch. His Speaks videos are boring, long, rambling messes. He repeats himself, contradicts himself, talks about the same topics over and over. These videos are mind-numbingly boring. His comedy videos are extremely outdated. The characters, topics, and humor he uses are not going to get him anywhere anymore. Like is the Death Note fandom really that strong in 2020? That anime came out 14 years ago for Christ sake. His music is not particularly good or interesting. On top of all this, his reputation is complete garbage.

People just don’t want to watch Onision. If the algorithm tried promoting his Speaks videos, I guarantee most people are actively choosing not to click on his videos. The non-subscribers that do click probably regret it. He’s made ZERO effort into making interesting or engaging content. He’s ONLY been making Speaks content that either fuels his ego or defends himself using the same old arguments he’s used 100+ times before. He’s got to be in some kind of deep denial if he thinks his Youtube views are down because of the algorithm. 

There used to be a saying that whenever Onision’s fans grow out of him, there will always be a crop of young teens that start watching him. That’s not happening anymore. It’s not cool for the alt / loner kids to watch edgy Youtube videos anymore.]

- Says people only want to hear things they agree with, people want to take what he says out of context, blah, blah. I’m only 1/4th of the way through this damn video. - He asks why he’s busting his butt when there’s no chance for him to prevail on Youtube or anywhere. He says he’s on TikTok, OnlyFans, Twitch. [This video was from before his partnership was taken away on Twitch.] He says those are slightly less problematic because they are driven by human beings and not drama. - He says when you see him posting less to Youtube in the future, you’ll understand why. He says he wants to wait you guys out, 2 years, 20 years. (He tried to call out Shane story.) He says he had to wait a year or two until people admitted he was right about Shane. He says he has conflicting feeling about Shane because they had a personal friendship. Says Shane told him they were friends. - He says you guys seem to drive your narrative and agendas by emotion rather than science and facts. He can’t reason with them unless he picked a greater evil and wages war on that. You would have to join forces with him because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. He says he wouldn’t do that because he’s not interested in being a professional wrestler and making fake drama. - In time you will feel passionately about other things. You don’t actually care about anyone involved because none of you are consuming yourself with anything that is not pop culture. You’re only interested in things other people are pretending to care about. None of you would care if someone found three bodies in a basement. If they were not celebrities you wouldn’t care. You only want justice for things that will get you attention. - If someone builds their whole platform about anti-person they might get bored and become anti-you. That’s why you don’t want to be friends with dramatic people. - He says he was dramatic about things, but that’s because he did care about those things. He wasn’t talking about 3 bodies in the basement either. - Says a long time ago when a celebrity died, he pointed out 30 people were murdered and washed ashore in another country. No one was talking about it because they probably didn’t hear about it. Nobody actually cares about human lives. If you did, every second that a human dies you’d be tweeting about it. - (Sarah blackmail story.) He says in a number of words Sarah said she wouldn’t ruin his life if she slept with him, then went back on it. [Wow. He really morphed his original story. It used to be: One time she jokingly said she could ruin our lives. Later we wanted her to sign an NDA and she said only if she gets something out of it, meaning sex. James said it was “good vibes” that day and he perceived that as her being kinky. She also said it was just a joke in the “proof” clip he always uses. They signed the NDA, then James pressured / tricked Kai into having sex with himself and Sarah. Then Sarah later came back and he decided they should have anal while Kai was out of town because Kai didn’t say no genital to butt. He only said no genital to genital and no genital to mouth before he left.] He says he decided to no longer sleep with Sarah because it was toxic and he decided he would rather be ruined than be with Sarah. [I have a theory he stopped sleeping with Sarah because he was afraid of Kai finding out. If he was truly afraid of Sarah ruining his life, why did he make those videos about weed smokers and BPD that would piss her off? She didn’t speak about their relationship publicly until he started bashing her through those videos.] Says Sarah went ahead and ruined his life and you fell for it. - He keeps mentioning Joe Rogan. - He says others have said he built an empire, uploaded thousands of videos. He gave so much of his life entertaining people and making them laugh. It was so important to him. He changed a lot of lives for the better. Says if you look on Twitter before the drama, you’ll see a lot of people thanking him. Says he was a positive influence to millions of people. That’s a fact. It all came crumbling down because people lied. They’re all criminals he kicked out of his life. He tries to play hero and he was only right with Kai. Kai wasn’t playing victim, he was on his way to college to be a surgeon. Once he was in the process of having kids, he lost the taste to be in a surgery room. Instead he got a bachelor’s in psychology. Kai’s diagnosis of James is aspects of narcissism, but says he doesn’t meet the qualifications to be a full blown narcissist. - He is investing a lot of time in people who don’t listen and don’t appreciate his content. Social media is a drug that tries to take up as much of your time as possible to make advertisers money. He doesn't create content that lies to you or brainwashing you into thinking your opinion is valid. He doesn’t pander to you to make money. Says when he says he’s one of the most honest people on Youtube, the bar is low. OnisionSpeaks is snake poison because snakes don’t survive on this channel. They aren’t going to have a voice that isn’t questioned. Most snakes on Youtube don’t even know how to activate charities on their channels. - Says he had a conversation with Kai about someone who said they vote for the economy over people. Humans are divided between helping their neighbor and helping themselves. - Says he was never taken to court because he never did anything. He’s still posting to places that he thinks is beneficial to himself and his family. Why would he stop because people have a bad idea of him? You shouldn’t alter your life just because people have an opinion of you. If you quit it makes you look guilty. If you quit you’re either guilty or incapable of dealing with it. He says he’s used to dealing with abuse since he began social media. - He wants to create content and help people and make them laugh. He wants to be socially capable and experienced. His ambitions are aligned with what he’s doing. - He says he can’t forgive his father if what people say about him is true. Everyone else he can forgive. If you are at odds with him, he doesn’t have any hate for you. He understands people can hear the wrong narrative and make mistakes. Says we are both imperfect people and have gone through different things. Says if we went through the same experiences, we’d think the same. Says we aren’t so different.  - Says he’s going away and he hopes you watch all his videos so you’ll know a little bit about who he is instead of listening to what Youtube manipulates you into watching. Says his advise is to quit social media. He wouldn’t quit because he’s passionate about it.

( maya hawke, female, she/her ) have you heard about JULIE HADER? of course you have. they’re the 21 year old SOCIAL MEDIA RUNNER. i don’t know what their last job was, all i know is that they’re originally from LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. carol in hr said that they’re kinda DETACHED and SECRETIVE but jessica in marketing insists that they are QUICK-WITTED and RELAXED.  at the end of the day, this company would fall apart without them. i just hope their head doesn’t get too big with all the hype surrounding them. According to the latest Vibez quiz, their personality most closely resembles POCAHONTAS ( jem, she/her, 27, pst )

Hey everyone, back at it with my SECOND whole ass character. I’ll probably just stick to her and Max (Ross Lynch) for awhile, so give me all the plots!

Basic Information:

Name: Julie Marie Hader. Gender/Pronouns: She/Her Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Pansexual/Panromantic Age: 21 Birthdate: March 29, 1999 Occupation: Social Media Runner

Background:

TW: Physical/Mental Abuse to an adult and child, Drugs (Marijuana)

Growing up, Julie had what would be described as turbulent childhood. Her Mother Helen and her Father Daniel were High School sweethearts who got married too young. They found out they were pregnant when they were High School Seniors, and Helen - being from an old school type of family, wanted to settle down immediately. The idea of raising a baby on your own is daunting, and Helen had never truly been on her own before. Her relationship with Daniel was not a mature one from the start; they were teenagers and mind games were ever present since the moment they met at age 16.

He was Helen’s first love, and she wanted to believe she had it all with a husband and newborn daughter. Daniel got odd jobs and Helen stayed home to raise Julie. They struggled, because it’s hard to find a steady job when you have no experience and you have a baby at home. This led to more arguments between Daniel and Helen, and Daniel had always been on the quick to anger side - but as the years went on Daniel became increasingly more verbally (and at times physically) abusive towards Helen. As Julie became older, he would extend the verbal abuse to her too. Helen was dependent on him, and she couldn’t go stay with her parents. But it all came to a head when he lashed out at Julie physically. Helen decided then that it was finally enough, and in the middle of the night she gathered her and Julie’s things, and they left.

Daniel found them a couple of times, until they were able to file a restraining order. Julie hasn’t seen him since she was 18, when he tried to reach out to her on social media when she graduated High School. She blocked him, but there’s a part of her deep down who wanted to message back. As much as she says she hates him, that was still her Dad, and a part of her wishes things could be different although she knows that’s not how the world works. 

Her and her Mom struggled to make it work, but from ages 10-14, it was just them. Julie and Helen became closer than ever, and Julie became increasingly protective of her Mom - especially whenever she brought home a new boyfriend. Helen would make crafts and sell them on the side to sustain them while also working a main job to keep them afloat, and Julie would always help her with it. It started as home made soaps, but then delved into home made jewelry. Julie doesn’t admit it, but she still holds on to those memories of just sitting around helping her Mom when it was just the two of them.

When Julie was 14, Helen met a man named George, and the two clicked right away. Julie did not like this bitch at first, because it was the first serious serious relationship her Mom had since her Dad. And Helen is the type to not like to be alone, so her suspicions were high. So naturally, she did not like it when they announced they were getting married and Helen was quitting her job in the process. She rebelled against it - typical emo teenager, but underneath it all, she just didn’t want anyone to get in the way of her and her Mom again or to hurt them somehow. Eventually, she learned that George was... a pretty decent guy. It took years, but she actually kind of sort of loves him, in her own way. She’s still always looking for signs of things to possibly go wrong, but she’s happy her Mom is happy. 

She has a step-brother, Miles, who is about six years older than her, and a half-brother Joshua (the birth child of Helen and George), who is now about five years old. She actually bonded with them before she did George, and can’t really see her life without them around. Don’t tell them that tho.

Julie still has difficulty letting people in and trusting them fully, because she feels like she has to be cautious. Because of this, she tends to keep people at arms length, until she feels like she can trust them. That’s not always an easy feat, though. 

Some mini-facts:

Julie is highly independent and has turned down money from George (her step-dad) to help her out. Although she does trust him in her own way, she never wants to be in the position of having to rely on somebody else.

She currently lives in a small lil apartment and needs roommates (connection ideas!) because housing costs are expensive damn. 

She was originally an entertainment intern, having thought she wanted to pursue that field, but she fell into the position of social media runner instead. It’s a way better fit for her, considering she doesn’t entirely know if she wants to keep pursuing a career in the entertainment field.

Julie actually has an interest in computers and coding in general that started when she was in High School, and has been secretly saving up money to go to college for it. She has an app she’s been working on for a couple of years that she hasn’t told anyone out, because she feels like its not good enough yet. 

She has TWO side hustles. Julie lowkey also has her own Etsy store making homemade jewelry (organic so it that bougie hippie shit), something she used to help her Mom with when it was just them. She also happens to sell weed, and is pretty good at networking to do that. She’s been doing that since she was 18, so a lot of people probably know her for it tbh lmao. 

She’s super chill, and people can probably trust her to keep a secret because she doesn’t really care to blab peoples dirty laundry. 

She’s probably friends or friendly with a lot of people because she tends to joke around a lot, but there’s probably few she’s genuinely close to. She believes in vibes pretty strongly.

She loves trash TV and if she had to pick a dream right now, it’d be to be the host for the next biggest reality dating show. Make it happen for Love is Blind Season 2, Vibez.

Possible Connections:

I have actually made a list of wanted connections here for Max, but they are just basic ideas and most could work for her too. I am open up to any ideas/plots/all the connections! If there’s something you’re dying to do, feel free to hop into my DMs. My discord can be found at Spammy Santino #9317.

2019 fanfiction in review

I usually put more effort into pimping my favourite fics of the year, boosting a few new writers in my fandoms, etc. This year, however, I have not, for reasons both within and beyond my control. Which is pretty much my excuse for not Doing Better with writing for the past month or so, but hey. At least there’s this.

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1. Best fic(s) you read all year, and why?

How can I even begin to list all the beautiful, shocking, feel-good, feel-terrible-but-in-a-good-way, envy-inducing, page-turning, soul-destroying, fluffy, hilarious, infuriating and horny fics I’ve read this year? I can’t. So I will instead list three that come immediately to mind.

@curator-on-ao3 – The Dismissed Protocol (rated T, VOY, TNG, Janeway & Crusher)

This fic made me angry. So angry that I left a ranty and incoherent comment, slammed down the lid on my laptop and stormed around the house for a bit. Why was I so pissed, you ask? Because this fic hit a good few of my personal triggers around bodily autonomy and the right to make informed choices, and because although the fic ends triumphantly, it’s somewhat of a pyrrhic victory and it left a really bad taste in my mouth. Which, considering this is fiction, is the mark of some really good writing. When it comes to tackling difficult topics with a fresh and thought-provoking perspective, and without opting for the easy answers, Curator never disappoints. This story is just one of many examples of that in her work.

@love-in-the-time-of-kolinahr​ – it will take place without witnesses (rated E, DSC, Pike/Number One)

Okay so let me start by saying it was the author’s fucking EXCELLENT pun of a pseudonym that made me read this in the first place. Then it was the poem they quoted (Discovery by Wislawa Szymborska, which is like a portentous rocket in the guts). Then it was Una’s scales-off-the-eyes, we-are-true-equals, don’t-bullshit-me-lover candidness in the way she sees, talks to, knows Chris Pike. I adore Pike in his laconic-space-cowboy-with-a-heart Disco incarnation, I like him a lot as the CoolDad in AOS, but this fic? This fic gives me smart, forthright, deeply tender Number One, and Pike as the fractured and very human hero I hope like hell we’ll see more of because they are definitely making a Pike series RIGHT? It is written. Anyway… this fic is beautiful and harsh and deft and real and sexy and poetic and at its core it’s about love, and who doesn’t love love?

@captacorn​ – Stars in a Ruined Sky (rated M, VOY, Paris/Torres)

It took me a while to read this one because CaptAcorn was posting it at the same time I was writing my epic, and I had no brain space to maintain a hold on someone else’s dark and compelling plot. But when I picked this one up, I couldn’t put it down. It is AMAZING. A Timeless AU, set in a universe where Voyager crashed and most of the crew survived, this goes where no other 100k+ epic I’ve read before has dared to tread, and it does so without flinching. The details are what make this unforgettable – there’s no magic reset button, so when something bad happens to the crew, there are actual lasting consequences – but it’s the humanity of the characters (if I can use that word to describe a crew that includes aliens) that makes it unputdownable (fuck off, my nana said that’s a word). This is not an AU I want to think happened, but CaptAcorn makes it one that rings true. And I’ll definitely read this again when I have the emotional fortitude for it.

Wow, there’s no Janeway/Chakotay in my top three. What? So here’s a bonus:

Northernexposure’s trilogy – Soft Light, Aftershocks and Resolution (rated E, VOY, Janeway/Chakotay) – three for the price of one! I mean, when northernexposure posts a new fic I race to read it no matter what, but smut! Beautifully written, true to character, sexy sexy smut from one of my all time favourite authors! How could I turn that down?

2. Best fic(s) you published all year, and why?

Mmmyeah to be honest I kinda feel as though my writing peaked in 2017, but here we go.

Desperate Measures (rated E, VOY, Janeway/Chakotay and other pairings) – because there’s angst and smut and the plot is twisty as fuck and I feel like there’s a pretty satisfying payoff. And it’s really long and relies on the reader engaging with my OCs which people seem to have done, which makes me think that if I ever do want to go write another original novel, maybe I won’t want to burn it as soon as I’m done.

This Is The Moment (rated M, DSC, Pike/Tyler) – because these two have exhausting chemistry and I couldn’t not write this but it was hard to make it come out of my brain the way I wanted it. But I’m really happy with it.

And I have a soft spot for First Officer’s Log (rated T, VOY, Chakotay & Tuvok, implied Janeway/Paris), because I just really love Threshold, okay? And while the episode is wack on so many levels there are really dark and heavy themes to explore there which I feel have gone very unexplored and I hope my fic struck that same balance between moral philosophy and holywhatthefuckery.

3. Favourite opening line(s) in a fic you published in 2019:

From Bad Maquis (rated M, VOY, Janeway/Chakotay):

The only thing more restrictive – and bosomy – than this outfit, Kathryn mused as she stared at her reflection, was her holodeck governess costume.



Still, at least she didn’t have to leave her quarters wearing this getup, and thank goodness for small mercies. Because she was on the verge of backing down from this challenge as it was, and Kathryn Janeway did not chicken out. Ever.

I mean, it sets the scene, doesn’t it? Who doesn’t love Janeway in leather.

4. Favourite closing line(s):

This is maybe cheating a little bit because this fic isn’t finished, but this first chapter can stand alone and I won’t be continuing it for some time (first, I have to finish the two prequels, haha). Anyway, these are the closing lines from Inertia (rated T so far, VOY, Janeway/Paris and others):

When the daze clears and Tom looks up to discover that his hovercar is parked in front of an address he’s never visited but has nonetheless memorised, maybe he should feel a little bit surprised.



He doesn’t. No matter how far he tries to go or how long he stays away from her, turning up at Kathryn Janeway’s door is inevitable.

Why do I like it? Well, I have an everlasting appreciation for Janeway/Paris, for one thing. For another, if you read the rest of the story and understand what Tom has just learned, you’ll want to know what happens next. I hope. I sure want to know.

5. The fic that was best received, and your favourite comment(s) on it:

That would be Desperate Measures again. It’s my longest fic by far and I was absolutely bowled over by the response to it, but one of my favourite comments on it is this one:

It actually looks like Janeway is saying gimme and it cracks me up.

Honestly though… the depth and kindness of comments on that fic in particular, the time and thought and effort that people have put into their reviews … it made up for every moment I wanted to chuck it in and never look at that fic again, or any other.

6. The fic you wish had gotten more love:

Honestly, I was surprised there was so little response to my @voyagermirrormarch​ fic trilogy, Heaven in the Shape of Hell. I really thought they’d be crowd pleasers, but it shows what I know, lol. I haven’t even finished the third one because the lack of interest made me wonder if they were just really shite, but I’m not so butthurt about it anymore and I will come back to it someday.

7. How many fandoms you wrote for in 2019, and which inspired you most:

Does Star Trek in all its incarnations count as one fandom? If so, I wrote for two (Trek and Marvel). If all the different versions of Trek count separately, I wrote for seven (MCU, AOS (that’s Trek Alternate Original Series, not Agents of SHIELD), Disco, Mirror, Enterprise, DS9 and Voyager).

Anyway, I guess I’ll never stop being inspired by Voyager, so even if Disco season 3 and the Picard show do nothing for me, I’ll always have that.

8. Your favourite pairing(s) to write for:

I mean, Janeway x Chakotay, for sure. But I’m deeply, deeply invested in Janeway x Paris at the moment.

9. What you’re writing now/next:

I’m struggling through the second part of what was supposed to be my contribution to @25daysofvoyager​. I’m actually going to post the first part once I’m done with this quiz in the hope it’ll kick my ass into gear. I’m also on semi-hiatus from Kinetic Friction, but I’ll be going back to it as soon as I’m done with my 25 Days fic. At some point after Kinetic there’ll be the sequel, and then the rest of Inertia. I’m also contemplating something for Threshold Day, possibly throwing something into @voytalentchallenge​ (don’t count on that one), and I have an idea for a pre-Enterprise D, pre-Voyager meeting between Picard and Janeway (with smut, obvs), plus all the other fics I’m definitely going to write …

And of course there’s my meat raffle. Time to pimp that one again. Donate to AO3 and if I draw your name out of the hat of randomness I’ll write you a fic to your specifications (roughly).

10. Writing goals for 2020 (word count? new fandoms/pairings? anything?):

Look, I’d just really like to actually write to some of the prompts I’ve had sitting in my ridiculously complex filing system without getting sidetracked by the newest shiny thing to catch my eye. In terms of fandoms, I hope I’ll write more for Discovery, I’m looking forward to Picard, and I would like to branch out from Trek a bit. More MCU, definitely, and maybe others if I get inspired. The main thing I want out of writing fanfiction at the moment is for it to continue making me happy, though, so I just hope I keep having fun with it.

My Classpects Through the Years

I started getting into Homestuck in late 2012, about a year after [S] Cascade dropped, and like most of y’all I got pretty interested in the system of Classes and Aspects.

...Okay, I got obsessed with it. Who wouldn’t? A highly-flexible system of essentially taking an aspect of reality and interpreting it through the lens of a key verb or idea, creating unique and self-determined power sets limited only by your own imagination? That’s wild. And when I say I got into it, I mean I really got into it. I dove deep into Homestuck’s lore, reading up on popular and somewhat fringe theories about what each Aspect related to, how the Classes utilized them, what the potential Active/Passive pairings were, and how certain Aspects seemed to oppose each other. I even went so far as to contribute to a theory regarding the future of Tavros Nitram, which... didn’t exactly pan out as expected... but it was a ton of fun! And of course, while I was certainly interested in what this all meant for our cast of characters, I was also interested in how it could be interpreted and/or applied to real people.

People are, of course, far more complicated than a simple personality test could possibly explain, but I still got a lot of entertainment out of trying to pin down the classpects of characters or people I knew irl. Which naturally included me. Looking back on it, I think it’s very interesting to see the progression in ideas that led up to my more recent musings, so I figured it would be cool to dive into that and share my past and current classpects here!

Credits:

All images are pulled from the Homestuck Classpect Chart Updated posted by JosiahR94 on DeviantArt.

Artists: Zynchilada (compiled, partially drawn) and Owyn (updated at original resolution). Both blogs listed on the artwork have since been deactivated.

2012-2013 - Knight of Breath

This one is the byproduct of some test manipulation on my part - the fan test I was using was based on MBTI and Jungian archetypes, and honestly I’ve never found them to remain accurate for longer than a couple months at a time. I’ve wound my way around four different MBTI results over the years so I’m not inclined to use them as the basis for much, especially since the original test included fan-created classes and aspects that I really didn’t understand or jive with. But even once I narrowed it down to strictly canonical classes and aspects, I still wound up going with the 3rd-most accurate one. At the time I saw the Knight as the Active Exploiter class, the type to jump into action and wield their aspect as a weapon. I really related the idea of a detached loner who was fiercely protective of their friends, and John had shown off very, very recently (for me, anyway) just how powerful wind could be. The powers were sick, the outfit was neat, and it was absolutely wrong in nearly every way. Nearly. But we’ll get to that.

2013-2015 - Seer of Doom

You’re probably a little familiar with this one if you’ve been keeping up with Homestuck theorists lately, as there are two prolific content creators I know of who identify as Seers of Doom. For some time, I did too! The change was largely brought about because I thought my initial Knight of Breath result hadn’t been accurate enough, and also because I wanted to try my hand at classpecting myself without the aid of tests. At the time I was really feeling the Doom aspect and I saw myself as a guide (or maybe a teacher?) so it felt like it fit. There was just one sliiiight problem - I was entirely focused on how the Doom aspect related to the problems I was having in my life, rather than how I viewed the world around me and interacted with it. I still felt like I was sort of onto something with Doom, but it took some major life events to give me the nudge I needed to see things a little more clearly...

2015-2020 - Sylph of Life

For me, 2015 felt like the year I was finally coming out of my funk and figuring my shit out. It’s the year I started taking college courses (well, a college course), getting into meetups, making new friends, and reinventing myself. At some point I decided that the issue with my initial Doom analysis was that I was overly focused on the challenges I had instead of how I actually dealt with them, and my new aggressively-optimistic outlook would simply not mesh with Doom. Not one bit. I also felt that my class didn’t quite fit, and Sylph was sitting right there with their magick-y healing and creation powerset -- the ultimate support, and the type of person who makes their own way through life by simply refusing to accept they could be stopped or put down by anything. By the time the Extended Zodiac Quiz came out in 2017 and confirmed I was Lifebound, I had already proven to be on top of my game in college in a creative field. I joined our LGBT+ club and started somewhat aggressively railing against overly-restrictive labels and social constructs in Contemporary English to the point that I was exceeding the page limit on our essay assignments on a regular basis and still felt I wasn’t saying everything I wanted to say. Sylph of Life just clicked for me in a way the Knight of Breath and Seer of Doom never had, so I figured I’d nailed it.

Then, earlier this year, I found out I was actually a girl.

2020-Present - Knight of Life... or maybe Heart???

Imagine for a minute that you’re at a theater watching some movie through the perspective of the protagonist. You think you’ve got the plot all figured out, you’re guessing every story beat, and then in the last 5 minutes the big twist reveals the protagonist has unwittingly been an unreliable narrator for the last two hours. Literally everything you thought you understood has been flipped on its head, and it’s still good but it’s all very confusing. You leave the theater wondering what you just watched, and as you turn on your car you suddenly realize there were subtle hints foreshadowing the twist for over half the film. With every passing second the pieces start coming together, and you just know that watching it again would leave you going “How the hell did I miss that?!”

That’s about the best way I can explain what I’ve been experiencing for the past four-ish months. All the puzzle pieces I had put together were thrown totally out of whack and I’m finding every day that there are aspects of myself and my personality that I never knew where there. Discovering myself is hard work, but it’s a wonderful feeling, and it’s no wonder that on the heels of this I’m seriously vibing with the aspect relating to Personal Identity. That said, I still find myself parsing labels and identity through the lens of Life - words which are too restrictive to properly convey who I am, and an experience that can’t be explained or constrained by the stereotypical narrative people tend to have about people who are bisexual, polyamorous, transgender, and at once more complicated than those words can really describe. When I take the Extended Zodiac Quiz I find that I’m still Lifebound, but changing even a single question by a single step leaves me Heartbound instead, and I think that dichotomy really mirrors where I feel I’m at as a person.

Class-wise, I feel drawn to both Sylph and Knight to a degree, but in the years since I first chose the Knight of Breath classpect I have come to understand the class as a Passive Server - one who gives for the benefit of others - and that speaks to me. The wonderful Mythological Class Quiz by @homestuckexamination has only confirmed my suspicions about that. I have yet to decide between Knight of Life and Knight of Heart, but they’re both very interesting classpects imo, and either way I’m sure I’ll be spending far too much of my free time developing powers and things for them :P

Takeaway

Whew, that’s a lot of words! But what exactly does it all mean? Well... if you ask me, Classpecting is sort of a process. I’m sure that, years down the line, I’ll probably say I had it all wrong and I’m actually some other combination of class and aspect, and I’ll reminisce about the days when I was so obviously misreading myself. But that’s kind of the fun of it, isn’t it? It’s just another form of personality quiz, albeit one where you get sick powers and a nifty set of pajamas at the end. And for all the good that introspection can do to help you understand yourself a little better, you better believe I’m going to be spending the next hour or two debating whether passing out heals and buffs while tanking everything would be more cool than body-surfing and turning enemies into clones à la Agent Smith in The Matrix: Reloaded.

It Had To Be You

Ch. 5: Caught Up In You // Story Masterlist

Pairings: Barry Allen x Original Female Character

Summary:  Belén suspects someone is stalking her but even when Barry and the rest at STAR Labs do their best to figure who it is, they’re not fast enough. 

Pronunciation of OC’s name: Bell-en. The last syllable has an emphasis so it’s not pronounced like ‘Helen’ would be.

No real warnings for now!

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“Belén, sweetheart?” David Palayta’s voice rang from the living room. Belén, who was sitting at the kitchen table working (or trying to at the very least) on some homework, looked up from her laptop just as her father walked into the room. “I’m going to be working probably all night again. Will you be alright?”

“Yes, Dad, don’t worry,” Belén smiled as she received a kiss over her head. “I’ve got tons of work to do myself.”

“Oh? Don’t tell me you’re still doing homework?” David stopped by the counter and grabbed a glass, moving to fill it with water.

“Have I mentioned my hate for biology?” Belén rested her cheek on her hand. “It’s completely useless!”

David gave her a sideways glance, clearly taking offense to the statement. Belén shyly smiled and straightened in her chair. “You know, your new friends would be highly upset with that.”

“Iris knows and she agrees. Caitlin already knows I hate this stupid subject,” Belén began listing off with her fingers, “And then Cisco lets me basically say whatever the hell I want just as long as I listen to his jokes.”

“And what about Barry?”

“Well…he does forensics…that has to do with biology?” Belén genuinely blinked in surprise at the new piece of information. “I just thought he was super smart.”

“Oh Annah-Belén, where did I go wrong with you?” David walked back to the table, pressing another kiss to his daughter’s head.

“Absolutely nowhere,” Belén looked up with a wide grin. “It’s just not my thing, Dad. I like to write and dance, and…biology is stupid.”

“You need to get yourself a tutor,” David pointed, heading for the doors but stopping to get his jacket from the hangar.

“And drag some poor innocent soul into this?” Belén sarcastically laughed. “I’m not evil, Dad.”

“No, but you will fail and then you’ll have a villainous father to deal with,” David warned and opened the door. “So study hard. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye,” Belén waved and watched her father walk out the place. She waited until she heard the car start and drive off before standing up. “I’ll work hard alright…” she closed her laptop and and began gathering her books, “…I’ll work hard to see the Streak tonight on time,” she smirked to herself and hurried off to get a quick change of clothes.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

One hour later, she and the Streak were in their lonesome park discussing Rayan’s case. Barry was in the middle of sharing a new piece of information he’d learned that day when he realized that Belén was staring at him for no reason.

“Bells?” his modulated voice unexpectedly pulled her out from her trance-like state.

Belén rapidly blinked and felt her face warm up from embarrassment. “I’m…I’m so sorry, what was that?”

She hadn’t planned on spacing out. There were just times when she tried focusing really hard on his face in order to attempt to find out his true identity. But there were other times when she just found him incredibly…attractive… and she thought that was ridiculous because most of the time when they were close he would purposely hide his face with that speedy trick that blurred his features. She supposed it was just one of those fan crushes someone would get on their favorite superhero. Who wouldn’t get them? Half the students in her college had one on the Red Streak.

“I told you that I went looking through your brother’s history of the day he went missing and I saw he was nearby a crime scene.”

“Crime scene? What kind?”

“It was a robbery,” Barry explained, handing her a manila folder full of the crime information. “The band of thieves are notorious for their work with weapons. Their last robbery was just minutes before your brother went missing.”

“Are you saying…” Belén checked a couple of profiles of each of the thieves, “…are you saying they have something to do with Rayan? Like…they took him?”

“It’s just a supposition,” Barry clarified, but it was enough to fill Belén’s eyes with newfound joy. “I mean, in your brother’s car accident the only thing they found his belongings but not him. Even the driver of the other car wasn’t there.”

“So it could have been a set up from those thieves?” Belén concluded. “Oh my God, this is a breakthrough!”

“It’s nothing concrete,” Barry reiterated. As much as he wanted to give her good news, he needed to make sure that Belén understood nothing was set in stone. They could always get things wrong.

Belén nodded, stuffing the folder into her bag. “Thank you so much. I know I keep repeating myself every time we meet but you really have no idea what this means to me.”

Barry chuckled, affirming her statement. “And like always, I say you’re welcome and that it’s my job.”

“But it’s not your job,” Belén softly said. “You came out of nowhere and you decided that it was your duty to fight for this city. And help unimportant people like me with their personal problems?”

“Now who said you were unimportant?” if Barry’s face had been clear, Belén would’ve been witness to the deep scowl running across his lips.

“I’m just a college girl,” Belén said, embarrassed. “What makes me so special?”

“What doesn’t make you so special?” countered Barry with a highly amused tone. “I like you, Bells. But you have got to stop belittling yourself.”

Belén smiled. “I will try.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Belén raised a hand. “Now, could you give me a lift back home? I couldn’t risk taking my brother’s car because our neighbor, Mrs. Andrews, has a tendency to ‘keep an eye on me’ on behalf of my Dad.”

“C'mon,” Barry motioned he would be picking her up again. She allowed him to take hold of her and speed off towards her home.

He went straight to her backyard, through the side gate, and placed her down beside the big tree. Belén fixed her messy hair and straightened the rest of her clothes. The wind of the speed always messed her appearance up.

“Thanks,” she said once she felt presentable again. “As always.”

“You’re welcome - as always,” Barry said, backtracking from her enough to where he felt confident to show his face without blurring it.

Belén had grown accustomed to the trick, and while she wasn’t happy with it she let it be for the sake of them having another minute together. “I know it’s silly to ask but is there anyone waiting for you at home? I mean, if I had a son that was out at this hour I’d be pretty anxious.”

If the darkness hadn’t covered most of him, Belén would’ve seen his sad smile. “I live alone, so…I do as I please.”

Belén chuckled and passed a hand through her hair. “Right. But, I mean…there’s no, uh, no…no…girlfriend waiting for you?” she felt completely intrusive asking but her mind wouldn’t let her rest.

“What?” Barry nervously laughed. “N-no! No…not…no!”

The exchange of awkward laughter filled the air, and had both blushing. Eventually, they calmed and Belén glanced at her kitchen hidden behind the swinging curtains.

“I should go inside. Thanks,” she glanced towards Barry, wishing he would just step out of the darkness to see who he was behind that mask.

“Until next time, Belén,” Barry waved and sped off.

Belén momentarily closed her eyes from the wind Barry left behind. She took a deep breath and went inside, hoping to do some research…or homework…which one happened to be easiest.

~ 0 ~

It turns out, neither had been easier for Belén. Three days later, Belén heavily sighed as she stepped out of her biology classroom. Her eyes were glued to the ugly red 'F’ marked at the top of recent quiz.

“Unbelievable,” she cursed herself and stormed down the hallway. If this continued then she would, without a doubt, fail the class.

She abruptly stopped when she felt eyes burning on the back of her head. Turning her head slightly to the right, she scanned her immediate surroundings for any lingering stares. It was a tough decision whether to be disappointed she saw no one staring or relieved that no one was staring.

Slowly, she began to walk again. She couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.

For the past weeks, it had just clung to her.

~ 0 ~

“You’re not being smart, that’s all I’m saying,” Cisco flapped a hand as if to emphasize his words more to Barry. They made a turn for the cortex room. “Sooner or later Belén will figure it out and bam! there will be trouble.”

“I’m just helping,” Barry grew tired of repeating himself to everyone. Could no one understand it was just his way of repaying Belén for all that she’d done for him while he was in his coma?

“No, you’re getting closer to her,” Cisco inclined his head, that little smirk making Barry turn away as if he were choosing to look at his suit across. “And sooner or later, it’s going to blow up in your face. Now, I like Belén, and I like Barry, and I definitely wouldn’t want Belén and Barry to be upset with each other.”

Barry shook his head and turned to his friend, leaning on the ledge of the computer desk. “It’s not gonna happen.”

“Oh yeah?” Cisco arched an eyebrow as he plopped down on the computer chair. “How do you know?”

“Because she’s never gonna find out that I’m the 'Red Streak’.”

And soon as those words were spoken, they heard Belén’s voice from the corridor. “Hello!?”

Barry’s eyes widened in moment terror while Cisco leaned back on his chair and enjoyed the view. In a second Barry had sped around the desk and pressed a button that shielded his suit behind a hidden compartment in the wall.

“Still can’t believe you made me install that,” Cisco muttered to Barry as the meta human took a seat beside him. “And just so that Bells could keep coming in here!”

“Shut up!” was all Barry said in regards to the matter.

Both men exchanged looks when Belén finally came in. “Guys…” her nervous voice pulled them out of their playful bickering. She looked completely pale and scared.

Minutes later, they had her sitting down in one of their chairs by the desk and listened to her apparent problem.

“I think someone’s following me. Whenever I’m walking on a street, or even at school, I feel someone is staring at me.”

“Well, maybe they think you’re cute,” Cisco shrugged casually, earning Belén’s graceful smile.

“Thanks Cisco,” she said sheepishly, knowing he was just trying to make her feel less afraid. “But I think this is more than just a crush. There’s this coffee shop I always go to in my campus, and when I felt the stares again, I decided to get smart.”

“What did you do?” Barry inquired, heavily interested on who was giving her trouble.

“One of the baristas is cousin to a friend of mine. I asked him if he could take a look around for me and see if there was someone looking at me weirdly.”

“And…?”

Belén’s eyes watered up fast, her lips pursing together. “There was this guy in a hoodie and…apparently, he only shows up on the days I have classes. He's following me!”

“Woah, hey,” Cisco crouched beside her chair and side hugged her. “It’s gonna be alright.”

Seeing Belén nearly crying stirred a new feeling inside Barry, and he acted on it without a second thought. He reached for her hand, a fierce look on his face. “No one is going to hurt you, Bells. We’ll go to police station and have someone look into it.”

“But what am I going to say to them?” Belén laughed bitterly. “That some guy in a hoodie was following me? I don’t know what he looks like, Barry.”

“But the coffee shop has to have security cameras,” Cisco quickly supplied, getting an agreeing nod from Barry. “That’s a great start. And if he was at school then those cameras had to capture him too.”

Barry gently pulled Belén up to her feet. “I can’t go to the station right now, though,” Belén informed. “I have to go to Jitters. I got myself a biology tutor online and we’re supposed to meet today.”

“I’m taking you myself, then,” Barry volunteered and had a look that said he wouldn’t change his mind.

Belén admitted it did make her feel safer so she didn’t put in a word of refusal either. Instead, she turned to Cisco and gave him a hug goodbye.

Cisco kissed her head and smiled when he pulled back. “We’ll figure it out, Bells, you’ll see.”

“Okay,” Belén said, but there was barely a true belief in it. She allowed Barry to tug her out of the room afterwards.

~ 0 ~

Waiting for Belén’s tutor turned out to be a longer waiting task than either Belén or Barry anticipated. In the beginning, Iris had come by to offer them coffee but both had refused on account of Barry having to leave soon and Belén meeting the tutor. After thirty minutes passed by, Barry caved and went to the counter to order them coffee.

“What exactly are you doing?” Iris inquired curiously after setting two mugs of coffee on the counter. Usually, she would’ve teased they were on a date or something but seeing the look on Belén’s face told her something quite different was up. “You’ve been here for thirty minutes and you’ve just…sat…?”

Barry was taking out a twenty from his wallet and briefly glanced over his shoulder to Belén. The ombre-blonde woman was sitting silently with a blank expression, her biology book shut on the side of the table. “She’s just going through some stuff,” Barry left it at that and handed Iris the twenty.

“What kind of stuff?” Iris arched an eyebrow, moving to the cash register. “Her mom left and even with her brother’s case closed she never had that look on her face. Barry, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Barry shrugged, trying to act like usual. “She doesn’t say much-”

“And that’s a big red flag,” Iris interjected, handing him back his change. “Belén the motor mouth, do you remember?” she inclined her head, hoping her serious look would guilt Barry into telling her.

“I don’t know, Iris,” Barry raised his hands in surrender then grabbed both mugs and left before Iris could continue. It wasn’t like he liked lying to Iris but this was actually not something for him to say. Only Belén could decide who she told and he would respect that.

Belén lightly flinched with the clank noise the mug gave when Barry placed in front of her. She raised her eyes and met a smiling Barry. “I didn’t know exactly what you wanted so I went with a latte?” Barry sat down across her.

Belén mumbled a 'thank you’ and took the mug. “You don’t have to be here, Barry,” she said before taking a small sip.

“It makes you feel better,” Barry said quite confidently then realized how it came out and sputtered out an apology. “N-n-not that…I m-mean not-t…not like…you know…like, uh…”

Belén watched him struggle to say a complete sentence and eventually had to smile just a little. “That made me feel better.”

Barry flushed with embarrassment and opted for a long drink of coffee. And when his throat burned from the hot liquid, he put a hand on his lap and balled it up to keep a loud yelp inside. He was acting like a dork, and not the cute dork that Iris always told him he could be, but a proper idiot dork. He always ended up doing this kind of stuff around Belén and he would like to file a complaint with his mind for it.

“You really don’t have to be here, though,” Belén repeated herself, unknowingly pulling Barry out of his thoughts. She put her mug down and sighed. “I’m in a public place. If the guy wanted to do something he would wait until I was somewhere completely secluded.”

“I don’t care, I’m staying until your tutor arrives.” Barry checked his watch and saw the time had changed into forty minutes of tardiness from this tutor. “Though with the time…”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Belén admitted, stumped on her unprofessional tutor’s absence.

“Where’d you even get the tutor from?” Barry asked.

“There was this ad slipped into my tennis locker at school today and I just called the number.”

Red alarm, thought Barry.

“H-how do you mean 'an ad’?” Barry leaned forwards on the table.

“There’s always people looking to make an extra buck around the school, Barry. Our tennis lockers are always full of different ads - cheaper textbooks, supplies, tutors. I got it yesterday and since I failed my test today I figured why not.”

“And who answered the call? Did he give you a clear identification?”

“It was a guy, said his name was Alonso. He’s a biology major but no, I didn’t get all his ID stuff. It’s just a tutor and it’s from school.”

Barry thought about his next words really carefully, wanting to save her from another episode of nervousness. And then he realized: why tell her? Clearly, she hadn’t realized this ad was a fake and that it had been a nasty trick by whomever was following her. She was just barely making it.

Instead, he had come up with a better solution.

“Okay, clearly the guy’s not coming-”

“Clearly,” Belén shook her head.

“But that’s okay,” Barry went on, broadly smiling. “If you want some extra help with this class, I can do it.”

“I had considered that before,” Belén glanced at her textbook. “Actually, my Dad was the one to point out that I do have some very smart friends. After I failed the test I considered asking Caitlin first…”

“I can do it,” Barry insisted. “I’m definitely more fun.” That last one made her chuckle and made Barry much happier. “I can definitely do it, Bells.”

“I mean…” Belén began, closer to agreeing, “…I suppose it would be easier and much more comfortable with someone I already know. How much do you want?”

“What?” Barry laughed.

“Your fee - how much do you want?”

“Bells,” Barry continued laughing and unintentionally made her think she’d said something wrong.

“I’m…sorry?”

“Belén, I’m your friend, I want to help you not charge!”

Belén blinked. “But…but you can’t just do it for free. You have things to do, you might as well get something in return.”

“You want me to charge you?”

“Yes!”

Barry swayed his head and thought for a minute. “You want a fee? Here’s the fee: if you get a B on your next exam you owe me a cup of coffee.”

“And what if I get an A?” Belén challenged.

“Then you owe me a good drink.”

Belén chuckled and nodded her head in agreement. “Alright. I’ll take that deal.”

“Great!” Barry couldn’t show his full relief at this news and settled for getting up from his chair and going to her side just to hug her.

“You’re that happy because you get to tutor me?” Belén yanked away and looked up at him with a face of confusion yet amusement. “You do realize what you just got yourself into, right?”

“C'mon, we can get started right now if you’d like.”

“I thought you said we should go to the station for my little problem remember?” Belén sighed. “Since my tutor is a no-show I guess we can do that.”

“Right,” Barry nodded and helped her out of her seat. “Let’s go do that and then we can go wherever you want to study.”

Belén agreed and grabbed her things to leave. As the two left Jitters they didn’t notice the man in a gray hoodie following them from across the street. His eyes were trained on the ombre-blonde, eyes briefly flickering to Barry.

~ 0 ~

Cisco hurried into the cortex room with a mug in hand, nearly spilling its contents as he fumbled to pick up his cellphone left behind on the desk. “Yello!?”

“Cisco,” came Barry’s voice on the other line, “I need a favor.”

“What is it?” Cisco sat down on a chair and pulled his feet up to the desk.

“See if you can tap into Belén’s college campus - especially the coffee place - and try get anything on that hoodie guy.”

The request surprised Cisco but he couldn’t himself denying a favor that would benefit Belén. “Okay…” he said slowly, straightening up on his chair. “I thought you were taking her to the station-”

“Yeah, we’re here and Belén is talking to Joe. But listen, this is personal. I want to find this guy myself.”

“The Red Streak is on the case,” Cisco smirked, already on board without proper asking. “I like it.”

“So can you do it? I’ll send you anything else Belén leaves with Joe.”

“Of course, leave it to me!” Cisco hung up, put his phone down and cracked his fingers to get to work.

~ 0 ~

There was an incessant knocking on an apartment door, and soon enough came the owner of said apartment, mad as hell. “I’m coming! I’m coming!” the petite blonde stalked up to the door and opened it up. “What the hell do you - HEY!”

Plasticine strode into the apartment without so much of a care for the blonde. “Rayan? RAYAN!” she called.

“Hey! You want to shout a little louder? I don’t think the next block hear yah!” the blonde snapped behind Plasticine, shutting the door.

Plasticine paid her no attention. “Rayan! Come out! You said to be here!”

Rayan emerged from the hallway with a laptop in his arms. “Maritza, do we really have to come here all dressed up? It’s not like Angie doesn’t already know who you are.”

Maritza pulled her mask off her face and threw a glare at Angie. “Well, if we’re on the topic of collecting teammates - I found a new one.”

“Really?” Rayan mused at the idea. “Who is it?”

“A young man, about your age and…this one here,” Rayan gestured to Angie. “Has some trouble with Harrison Wells & STAR Labs. I figured he might have pretty good motivation.”

“Where is he?”

“Right at home where I told him I’d get him if you wanted.”

“We’ll talk about it later, then. Right now, I want you to take care of something. It’s about our sister - she’s been looking for me.”

Maritza made a face, clearly taken aback. “What? N-no, Belén is moving on from your 'death’ and-”

Angie snorted and walked over. “Unlikely considering we tracked the searches to her IP address. I didn’t take your sister to be Sherlock Holmes.”

“No, this has to be a mistake,” Maritza rubbed her temples.

“It's not,” Rayan declared, putting down the laptop on the coffee table. “And we both know that we can’t have Belén looking into my case anymore.”

“So then what do we do?”

Angie smirked. “Well I proposed we give your baby sis a little scare.”

Maritza dropped her hands from her face, letting her mask fall in the process. “Excuse me?”

“Nothing serious,” Angie waved her off. “Just a little warning to make sure she stops. If she’s got no powers then we wouldn’t even have to do much to scare the living crap out of her.”

Maritza glanced at Rayan to see what he thought. The younger man gave a shrug of his shoulders. “I love my sister, but she needs to be stopped. You just can’t hurt her, that’s all.”

“Me? You want me to go and face our sister? Are you serious?”

“You’d be wearing a mask,” Rayan pointed out. “Plus, you can take Angie with you.”

“I can do it on my own if you’d like,” Angie offered kindly, but Maritza would rather die than let her sister face off some woman who could probably care less.

“You have to take her laptop and everything,” Rayan told them both. “We can let her go back to searching.”

“I can take things from the house no problem,” Maritza agreed.

“Then I can take Belén,” Angie raised a finger.

“You’ll be going with who I have trusted with our secret,” Maritza corrected, glancing to Rayan. “The new recruit? I do trust him.”

“Fine. Then get to it,” Rayan said. “Plan it well.”

~ 0 ~

Some time later, Belén and Barry relocated to Belén’s home to begin on that tutoring. Without fully realizing it, Barry had gotten Belén to forget about ever visiting the police station and making that report on her stalker. However, it wasn’t because of a good reason.

“So the process of replication is basically when DNA makes a copy itself - it’s like the basic point for inheritance. When replication happens, the strands separate and then each of them serve as templates for the production of its counterpart. That’s known as semi-conservative replication. Afterwards Cellular proofreading happens which is just like an error-checking process to make sure everything was replicated perfectly.”

Belén had an arm resting on the edge of her kitchen table, her cheek placed on her palm. Her eyes were blinking rapidly while Barry explained. “No, sorry, I lost you when you started speaking Chinese.”

“I wasn’t speaking Chinese…” Barry said slowly, figuring perhaps he has entered a rapid rambling state.

“Oh, I beg to differ,” Belén straightened up.

“O-okay, tell me where you got lost?”

“Easy-” Belén gave a nod, “-as soon as your mouth opened up.”

Barry sent an unamused look at her. “Bells…”

“I’m sorry! I’m just stupid at this science stuff, okay?” Belén laughed to herself and glanced at her open biology textbook. “I mean, replication? Transcription? What the hell is all this stuff?”

“Very important stuff,” Barry assured her.

“It's boring stuff,” Belén countered. “Talk to me about journalism stuff. The words, the people, me being out there, that’s important. Or about dancing steps. Not this crummy stuff I won’t ever use.”

Before Barry could prove this was all truly important, the front door opened and Belén’s father walked in. “Belén?”

“Over here, Dad,” Belén waved her hand as she skimmed another page of this replication stuff.

“What’s going on here?” David eyed the table full of school work on his way to the fridge.

“I got myself a tutor,” Belén gestured to Barry beside her.

“Well it was about time,” David walked back to them with a bottle of Gatorade in hand. “Barry, was it?”

“Yes,” Barry rose up from his chair to shake hands with the man. “Nice to meet you.”

“So, how’s she doing?”

“Umm…” the look on Barry’s face said it all.

“Belén, pay attention,” her father scolded her like she was doing it all on purpose.

“What!? Seriously!? I don’t plan this you know!” she groaned. “I’m actually trying my best but this is all completely ridiculous with all these terms and different processes and crazy pictures and-”

“Stop rambling and listen,” David smiled and looked at Barry almost sympathetically. “Good luck, Barry.”

“Dad!” Belén called after him, mortified at such a lack of belief in her. Barry was laughing beside her and instigated a very offended “Quit laughing at me!” from her.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Barry tried sobering up fast and scooted his chair closer to hers, “Let’s try this again, alright?” Belén nodded and did her best to pay attention.

But then a cellphone went off.

“Sorry,” Barry made a face as he pulled out his phone from his pocket. “It’s Joe,” he said right before answering.

Belén smiled and got up to give them some privacy. She went for the kitchen intending on finding a snack somewhere. Between her schoolwork and research, she hadn’t paid much attention to the house needs.

“Bells, I’m sorry, but I have to go,” Barry apologized and stood up. “There’s been a robbery and…”

“It’s alright,” Belén waved it off and turned around. “We can continue tomorrow if you’d like - or can.”

“Definitely,” Barry said quickly.

Belén’s smile faltered when everything spun in front of her.

“Bells!” Barry ran over to her just as she slumped forwards, catching her. “What is it? What’s wrong!?”

Belén cursed her body’s imprudence and tried to get through the moment as fast as possible. “I’m-I’m fine…” she swallowed hard.

She was not fine.

Barry leaned her against the counter and rushed to get her a glass of water. “Don’t lie to me, Belén. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, remember?”

Belén took the glass from him and drank a little. “And during that time I was having trouble with my classes…remember? It’s just burn out, nothing more.” Barry didn’t look the least bit convinced. “Don’t you have a case to go to?” Belén asked impatiently, putting down her glass on the counter.

Barry only left the conversation because Joe really was waiting for him to arrive and take samples from the crime scene. “Please, just…get some rest?”

“I can do that,” Belén nodded calmly, the light smile on her lips would’ve convinced anyone who didn’t know her. But, Barry knew her much more than she thought.

The moment he was out on the street, he dialed a number on his phone.

“Hello?” Iris chirped.

“Iris, I need a favor,” Barry wondered just how many times he was going to use that line on behalf of Belén…but that was going to be for another moment.

“Sure, what do you need?”

Barry glanced back at Belén’s house, and explained to Iris.

~ 0 ~

That same night, much later, Belén was pulled out of her research when someone knocked on the door - and much too excitedly she added silently.

“Hiiii!” Iris exclaimed happily, waving a hand while the other held a duffel bag.

Belén made a face. “Iris? What are you doing here?”

“I’m sleeping over - random girls’ night!”

“Wh-what?” Belén barely got to say when Iris walked right in.

“Hello, Mr. Palayta,” Iris greeted Belén’s father from the kitchen.

“Hi Iris,” David gave a warm smile in return. “What brings you here?”

“There’s just sooo many things I want to talk about with Bells and I figured since my Dad is working late with Eddie I could maybe sleep over?” Iris put her hands together with that wide smile that no one could resist.

David just chuckled and gave his approving nod. “You’re always welcomed here, Iris.”

“Oh, thank you!” Iris cheered and turned back for Belén who was still registering the fact she had a new guest and thus her ongoing research would be put on hold. “C'mon, Bells!” She grabbed her duffel bag and took her friend upstairs.

Though Belén was mildly upset with Iris’ surprise visit, she soon left the idea of sending her back home using a lame excuse. The truth was she missed normal friendship sleepovers. Everything as of late had become so entangled Belén barely had time to breath.

Iris was a reminder that she was indeed normal, and that she deserved more normal moments.

Like painting each other’s nails.

“Iris, I don’t want that color,” Belén was scrunching her face at the pastel turquoise nail polish Iris was opening up.

“It goes great with you,” was Iris’ main defense as she set down the nail polish on Belén’s nightstand and shuffled on the bed to begin.

“Oh, Iris,” Belén sighed but gave in without another word. She let Iris take her right hand and watched her delicately paint over her thumb’s nail.

“Soo…you want to explain why Barry all of a sudden didn’t want to leave your side today?” Iris discreetly raised her eyes up to her friend, who was already looking nervous.

She was no fool, even if Barry didn’t tell her why he wanted - no, sorry, why he believed it would be a good idea for her to stay at Belén’s for a night, Iris knew it had something to do with whatever was bothering Belén earlier at Jitters.

“Iris…” Belén sighed, looking to the side.

“Bells,” Iris gently tugged her wrist and forced them to look at each other, “You and I are good friends, right?”

“Like best friends,” Belén clarified quietly.

“And best friends always tell each other what’s going on. Please, have some trust in me.”

Belén released a low sigh and nodded her head. “Okay, but you can’t tell my Dad under any circumstances.”

“Promise,” Iris raised a hand then went back to painting Belén’s nails.

“Someone’s been following me for some time now, and I told Barry and Cisco about it.”

“Why them?” Iris made a face then silently thought about it. Since Belén and Cisco nearly dated they had formed a strong bond that had Cisco like a male best friend. Iris could see why Belén would go to him. And Barry? Well…Barry just had one of those traits that made one immediately trust him.

“I needed to tell someone,” Belén went on without knowledge of Iris’ inner thoughts. “I went into STAR Labs and they were there. My mouth started before I could even realize.”

“Please tell me you’ve gone to the police about this already?”

“Yeah, Barry took me this afternoon and I talked to your Dad. I practically begged him not to say anything to my father - hooray for being a legal adult,” Belén made a languid gesture before sighing again. “I’m scared, Iris. I’ve never been in a situation like this and…I don’t know how to forget the fact that some creeper is following me.”

Iris now understood perfectly why she was here. She finished Belén’s right hand and began painting the pinkie finger of her left hand. “Well, you won’t be left alone that’s for sure. If I’m not with you, then Barry will be, or Cisco, or Caitlin. You won’t be alone.”

Belén suspiciously looked at her friend for a minute before it hit her. “Did Barry tell you to come here tonight?” The answer was crystal clear when Iris stiffened. “Oh my God it is. You’re here to babysit me.”

“Please don’t tell Barry I messed it up,” Iris shook her head. “I didn’t know this was the reason - he was very obscure with his words.”

“Oh my God!”

“No, but it’s okay!” Iris took down Belén’s flapping hands. “We haven’t had one sleepover since Barry went into the coma.”

“But that’s just it, Iris,” Belén snatched her hands and got up from the bed. “This isn’t a sleepover: it’s a babysitting job.”

“No it’s not!” Iris insisted, staying on her spot.

“So if Barry hadn’t called you then you would still be here?”

Iris bit her lip, nervously smiling. “Okay, so…maybe it kinda is like babysitting but it’s clear I’m not actually babysitting right now. I miss my friend, Bells. Are you really going to get mad at me?”

Belén dropped her arms on her sides and sat back down. “I’m not mad with anyone, I’m simply disagree with what Barry did.”

“Then let’s forget all about this and just focus on a sleepover! I vote we do this every week,” Iris laughed.

“That doesn’t sound half bad, honestly,” Belén mused. “Maybe I can even get Caitlin to come.”

“Oh, yes!” Iris pointed in agreement. “Poor girl stuck in between all that testosterone can’t be fun for her.”

Belén laughed and fully agreed. And as the night progressed she really did end up forgetting her problems.

~ 0 ~

“I can’t believe you guys are actually doing this,” Caitlin declared, but of course she didn’t mean it. Of course she believed Barry and Cisco would spend an entire afternoon working to find out who was Belén’s stalker. Of course.

“We wanted to help, Cait,” Barry shrugged, much too focused on the computer screen Cisco was working on to look at her. “The police simply aren’t fast enough.”

“But of course you are,” Dr. Wells mused, exchanging a knowing look with Caitlin.

“Exactly,” Barry said without noticing the looks.

“But so far there’s not enough footage,” Cisco remarked after pausing an ongoing security video. “I mean, there’s the guy,” he pointed at the hoodie man, “but it’s blurry.”

“So, just clear it up,” Caitlin shrugged.

“That can take hours.”

“Which you have.”

“Caitlin’s right,” Barry straightened. “You do that and I’ll check up on Bells.”

“Right, give me the boring job,” Cisco playfully rolled his eyes.

“I have to tutor actually, so believe me it won’t be all that glamorous.”

Barry was only midway towards the exit when everyone did a simultaneous 'woah’ and called him back.

“Now you're tutoring her?” Caitlin raised an eyebrow.

“It was the only she would stop putting herself in danger!”

The other three traded looks before all agreeing that was a horrible excuse.

Barry sighed and explained more fully his reasons. “I figured out that the tutor Belén was actually going to meet was her stalker. She called him and everything. I had to do something, alright?”

“Wait, she called him?” Cisco asked. “And he, like…answered?”

“Yeah…” Barry then realized it was certainly useful information. “Wait, do you think we could track the guy down with the phone?”

“Uhh…” Cisco honestly thought about it. “I don’t know…”

“We can do it,” Barry was already going on with the plan. “I take her phone and we track the call.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“She’s going to be work anyways it’s not like she’ll need it,” Barry shrugged.

“Besides-” Caitlin interjected, “-she’ll have her very own bodyguard in the meantime,” she smirked to herself and turned to her computer.

Barry rolled his eyes and sped out of the room.

Cisco looked Caitlin’s way and ended up smirking too. “I bet you twenty a date will come up in the next month.”

“What?” Caitlin blinked, looking indignant that this was turning into a game. She only joked with Barry because it was fun annoying him but she wouldn’t make money off actual feelings.

“Alright two months,” Cisco offered.

“Cisco!”

“I’ll join the bet,” Dr. Wells chimed in, surprising the two younger employees. “I like to have fun,” he reasoned after the looks he received.

“One month?” Cisco repeated.

“Two months.”

“Deal!”

Caitlin looked between the two men, feeling incredibly guilty as she cut in. “Belén’s too shy, like the counterpart of Barry, it’d be at least three months till one of them makes a move.”

Cisco’s wide, teasing smile made her feel worse. “One, two three months, alright!”

~ 0 ~

“You know, I don’t appreciate you sending Iris as a babysitter,” Belén remarked as she and Barry walked down a street, heading for CC Pictures.

Barry winced and sheepishly glanced down at her. “You know?”

“Yes, and I’m not happy about that.”

“I’m sorry, Bells, I was just trying to help…”

Belén smiled when she saw the instant guilt in him. She would let him off with a warning, she decided. “I appreciate your concern but I don’t think Iris should be dragged into my problems. She’s got a lot of stuff to do.”

“She didn’t mind,” Barry waved it off. Belén laughed and shook her head at him. He could act like such a child sometimes. “So I was thinking about our tutoring problem,” Barry changed the subject successfully, “And I realized you were right about something.”

“And that would be?” Belén wondered. It wasn’t common for her to be right about something concerning biology.

“You’re a journalist,” Barry declared, almost like it was a secret even she didn’t know, “Which means you’re used to seeing things face to face - like interviews and videos. You’re a visual learner!”

“And that means…?” Belén silently laughed at herself for ever thinking she would’ve been right about something in biology.

“A perfect way to tutor you is to use visualization. You know, like we can use simple things to recreate what I’m talking about.”

“Like blocks? And play-doh? That’s what kindergarten classes do to teach the students, no?”

“Yes!” Barry pointed. “We can use all that to help you understand!”

Belén giggled. “Great, so I’ll be a kindergartner. Will I get milk and cookies during a break?”

Barry played along and nodded his head. “If you’re extra good there may even be apple juice.”

“I don’t like Apple juice,” Belén scrunched her nose with distaste.

“Orange juice?”

“There we go!”

Barry grinned at her enthusiasm, and the fact she was forgetting of her problem. They came to a stop just outside CC Pictures.

“So, we’ll see each other tomorrow for that tutoring right?” he asked.

“Mhm, and I’ll ask Maritza if she can loan me some of her classroom bits for the session,” Belén laughed.

“Right,” Barry gave her a hug, and he discreetly dipped a hand into her bag to pull out her phone. He hated stealing from her but he conformed with the idea he would be tracking down the creep who was stalking her. If she got mad, he would find a way to make it up to her.

After bidding goodbye, Belén watched Barry leave a couple seconds before entering the news place. At the end of the street, the hoodie man stepped out behind a pole. His eyes had narrowed at the exchange between the two. He needed to act fast before anything more happened.

~ 0 ~

���I don’t…I don’t know…” Cisco let his hands lightly slam on the desk. Barry sighed beside him, letting his head hang. “It’s just we don’t have the expertise to do this.”

“We’re scientists, not hackers,” Caitlin mused from her spot at the desk. “It’s one thing to hack into street security cameras but a single phone searching for a single contact is tougher.” She was drinking from a mug of coffee and amusingly staring at the two while they desperately tried hacking into Belén’s phone. They’d been at it for a near two hours with no progress.

“Caitlin, please, we’re trying to work,” Cisco rolled his eyes at her.

“I’m just pointing out a simple truth,” Caitlin raised a hand in surrender.

“There has to be a way we could track the caller,” Barry persisted, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m open for ideas,” Cisco expectantly looked at him, arms crossed.

Barry began to pace while he thought of an actual idea. Five minutes later, he stopped. “There is…one person…that’s incredibly good with computers.”

“Who?” both Cisco and Caitlin looked at him curiously.

Barry turned to them, his hands behind his head, somewhat nervous. “Someone’s I’ve neglected to give a call since I woke up from the coma.”

The obscure answer left Cisco and Caitlin in the same state of confusion and curiosity they were in before the answer.

~ 0 ~

“I don’t understand where my phone went,” Belén exasperatedly rummaged through her bag for her cellphone. Linda stared at the intern, in right entertainment as Belén went from one desk to another thinking she’d dropped it there. “I can’t believe this!” Belén exclaimed and stopped when she remembered the last time she’d used her phone. “Oh! Maybe it’s on the street!”

“I doubt it’ll still be there,” Linda called but Belén was already on her way out.

It was beginning to get dark but Belén was confident she would find her phone again. She remembered the way Barry had walked them through and followed it. But when she turned down the block, she bumped into someone - a woman in leather purple.

“S-sorry,” Belén stumbled back, her smile fading when she looked up to the woman.

Though she wore a purple mask covering the top half of her face, her eyes bore on Belén in an intense way. Her burned brunette hair was as shiny as her clothing. “Belén Palayta?” the modulated voice of Plasticine stirred a fear in Belén.

“Wh-who are you?” Belén swallowed hard, discreetly moving back to the street of CC Pictures.

“Plasticine.” The woman took steps towards Belén. “You’ve been sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, Belén. And it has to stop.”

There was a crash of windows that made Belén jump and whirl to the direction of her workplace. She caught two masked people breaking in with weapons.

“Oh my God!” she meant to run after them but Plasticine grabbed her by the neck and yanked her back. Belén gasped for air as the arm tightly gripped her neck.

“This is a warning, Belén,” Plasticine murmured in Belén’s ear. “Stop your silly search for your brother. He's dead. He served his function to our crew and we killed him.”

“Wha-”

Plasticine shoved her to the ground and stepped a black heeled boot beside Belén’s head, startling the blonde. “Next time you get the urge to research about us we’ll make our anger known. Whether it’s through your father or your little friends.”

Belén fearfully gazed up at the tall woman, her hot tears pricking her eyes but not daring to escape in front of the stranger. “What happened to my brother?”

“He died,” Plasticine looked past her to the end of the street where her two comrades had come out of the news place already. “This was your first and final warning, Belén. Heed it.” She walked past Belén and strode down the rest of the street.

“No, wait!” Belén scrambled to get up but Plasticine shot out a purple, shapeless mass her way. Belén yelped and let herself fall again to dodge the mass in time.

Plasticine stopped beside CC Pictures to observe the destruction her two comrades had made. She could see that her sister’s desk had been completely ransacked of everything. She’d already taken care of the house so that meant Belén would have nothing left to search with. Feeling secure, she ran off.

“No!” Belén saw her one chance of finding her brother (whether dead or alive by that point) disappearing. She got up and made to run when someone grabbed her from behind, in a choke-hold.

Everything went dark soon after.

~ 0 ~

Usually, CC Pictures was the place where news was given out, not the center where the news took place. This time, the photography was aimed towards the inside of the building.

“I don’t know what happened - one moment we were working, the next these two people come in and start bashing things with these…these weird powers…” Linda Park was giving her testimony to Eddie Thawne by her desk that had miraculously stayed together and unturned.

Meanwhile, Barry was carefully examining the destruction at the other end of the room. Joe came up beside him inquiring the status of the scene. “So we’ve got new metahumans in the city. One has…” Barry gestured to the bits and pieces of ice shards left scattered around, “…ice powers. The other was reported to use some sort of electrical power. She appeared and disappeared. But the interesting part is they came looking for Belén’s things,” Barry narrowed his eyes, struggling to push away the overwhelming urge to speed out and begin the search for Belén.

“They destroyed her computer,” Joe pointed to the bits and pieces that used to be Belén’s laptop on the floor. “Ripped up all her papers - they basically destroyed everything of hers. And, what they didn’t, they took. There was also a sighing of that purple girl Cisco talks about sometimes, but she didn’t do anything except stand there.”

“Why? Why would they do that?” Barry turned away, balling a fist on his side. “It doesn’t make sense!”

“Hey, Barry?” Linda called out to Barry once she finished her testimony. Joe left to go converse with Eddie over the new testimony in case it was useful. “You need to find my friend,” it sounded like an order but she didn’t quite care how it came out.

“We will,” Barry nodded. “I’m gonna get on it right now.”

“Do you have any idea who those people were?” Linda asked, stopping him from walking away. “Because it sounded like they knew her. I know Belén and she doesn’t make those types of friends.”

“No, I don’t think she knew them,” Barry sighed.

“Do you think…that maybe those people were there because Belén refuses to let go of her brother’s disappearance?”

The question struck realization in Barry.

“Belén didn’t tell me straight up but I know she hasn’t let go of Rayan’s case. Whenever she’s on a break she’s always on the laptop of hers. It’s pretty easy to put two and two.” Linda crossed her arms and lowered her tone. “Those people that came in asked only for Belén’s things and destroyed just her things. They said something of a lesson…what else could they be talking about?”

Linda Park was a genius, Barry immediately thought.

“Did you hear anything else?” Barry inquired. “Anything that could help us?”

“Just what I told Detective Thawne,” Linda shrugged, “The purple woman - the one that shoots those purple things - they were talking about her, I know they were. She’s the one who was standing outside…and I’m guessing she’s the one that took Belén in the end.”

“What was Belén doing outside in the first place?”

“Looking for her phone. She dropped it somewhere and when she went out that’s when the people came in.”

Barry felt a bad ping in his heart after that. It was his fault, no doubt. He took her phone and Belén went outside in search of it.

“Barry?” Linda’s voice brought him back to the present. She was giving him a motion but he didn’t quite catch it. “Your phone, it’s ringing.”

“What?” that’s when Barry realized his phone was indeed ringing, and relentlessly. Linda lightly smiled and walked away, leaving him to tend to the call. “Cisco, what is it?”

~ 0 ~

At STAR Labs, both Cisco and Caitlin were staring wide-eyed at the computer screen.

The hoodie man had been identified.

“Felicity got back to us,” Cisco began, his skin crawling with both fury and overwhelming fear.

“And?” Barry’s impatient tone went unnoticed by the two employees.

“You’ll never believe who took her…”

“He’s been M.I.A for months now,” Caitlin remarked off to the side.

“Who!?” Barry practically shouted from the other line.

~ 0 ~

“Wakey, wakey, my dear Belén,” went a familiar voice.

Belén was tied to wooden chair, her head hanging with her ombre blonde hair draped in front. She could hear the voice, and slowly configured it to its owner. She raised her head, and though hair strands still covered her face, she saw perfectly the man in the gray hoodie.

“C-Carlton?”

Prompt: Fluffy Wolfstar moments with an AU for fun

Remus glances upwards, sniffing at the air when a particular but wonderful smell flitted through the area. He’s gotten better at differencing scents, especially when he’s attempting to pinpoint the emotions in them but some still alludes him.

Like the smell gently gliding in the breeze. Whatever he was picking up was close...but not too overly close probably only deductible due to the wind carrying it.

Remus put his book down, taking more sniffs as quietly and as quickly as he could not wanting to linger on the action too much least one of his classmates' glance over at the wrong time and become aware of his rather obvious sniffing.

He wasn’t overly too worried, no one ever really bothered with the Ravenclaw in all the five years been attending Hogwarts, but one can never be too careful. 

Yes, his school days were a bit lonely as a result, but he has his books to take solace in and his monthly three-day absence wouldn’t be taken notice of since no one in the school really cared about him. Remus, once upon a time, would have teared up at the thought but now he’s grown used to the isolation.

When he was a child, his parents forbid him from getting too close to the local children living near them in his mother’s childhood muggle neighborhood- What if you hurt them, Remus? What if you lose control and then you end up killing an innocent child?- and he often watched from the windows as kids ran by laughing and living freely. 

How he longed to be one of them. But it was hard to connect with anyone, especially since he laked so many social skills as he rarely if ever left his own house.

He hadn’t spent much time around people in general, his parents would always get jumpy whenever they had guests over- Someone will notice something is off about you Remus. We can’t let them suspect anything. Someone will find out.- and so, had him hide from peering eyes. They called him shy in front of others with weary smiles, encouraging Remus to hide his face behind books instead of speaking.

Eventually, their suggestions became reality and Remus rarely if ever uttered a word, even when the family was alone. The Lupins feared what they had done to their son but it was far too late to get him to stop. Remus Lupin was considered mute by the majority of the masses.

He knows that his parents love him, but he also knows they fear him. At least his mother does. Some days Remus would catch the look of disgust on his father face before the older male wiped it clean and he made a conscious effort to love him.

It’s not hard to assume he hated that his only child was a werewolf, after all, Remus was only bitten because his father had insulted and belittled a man he really shouldn’t have for being a werewolf. If his father had been a little more tolerant then maybe his five-year-old son wouldn’t have been attacked that day.

Or maybe not.  

His father had only said those things because the werewolf in question got away with murdering two children and no one believed him when he tried to expose the monster for what he was. 

Did that mean he hated Remus or just his condition? It was a question he tried not to think about.

Shaking his head, to get rid of that line of speculating, he took a long sniff.  Whatever this pleasant smell was, it was getting closer. It smelled...human. Maybe a person? Or some kind of fragrance they were wearing?  He glances around but couldn’t see anyone outside. With the change of weather, the wind picking up speed and the temperature dropping most people avoided sitting by the lakeside.

Remus didn’t mind it too much, all he needed to do was slap on a coat, some gloves, a wool hat and wrap himself in a scarf to enjoy the silence of nature with the added warming runes of course. It was nice to spend his free periods finishing his new favorite book series having the characters’ love for one another warm him on the inside.  

Yes, Remus loves these wizards romance novels. It was the closest he’ll ever get to experience another man’s love after all. Who would want a werewolf as a lover? No one with the right mind. 

The smell was close now, almost overwhelming his nose. It was like the person was sitting right next to him. He kept attempting to find the source but yet no matter where he looks he couldn’t see anything. 

Craning his neck around, he sees nothing but white snow glittering in the sunlight and wonders just where this was coming from. It was lovely like the ground after rain, with hints of chocolate and ink. Something in the scent also made his pulse jump but in a wonderful way like he was smelling the scent of happiness and joy somehow. 

Remus wanted to slam his face into the source of that scent. 

Suddenly, he hears the sound of something falling. He whips around to were he was originally suspecting the smell coming form- on his right- and finds with wide eyes a parchment laying on top of the snow. 

He eyes it warily but picks it up. Written on it, with clean and crisp penmanship is a quiz titled. How can a man win your heat? 

Remus thinks this belongs in Witch Weekly’s quizzes section, snorting at the questions listed below the title. The first one said To get your attention should he send you: A) roses  B) Chocolates  C) Jewelry or D) Beauty supplies.

The following questions are of similar matter. 

Was it a personality test that someone forgot in the tree? He looks up just to make sure no one is hiding in the branches but sure enough, it’s empty. The werewolf stares at the parchment in his hand debating answering it. 

He’s always been weak-willed when it came to personality quizzes, having spent the last few years sneaking some old copies of Witch Weekly magazines out of the common room just so he could take the quizzes in an unused classroom. Remus didn’t need to know what color best represented his mental state per se but it was fun to know. (He’s sky blue)

He doesn’t want the whole school to know that, however, and thus only did the quizzes when he was sure no one was looking. 

 After a short pause, checking to see if there really wasn’t anyone around, Remus reaches into his school bag for a quill. He circles B and then moves on, humming under his breath. 

The questions are generic but there are some interesting ones. Like Would you hate him for his family’s intolerance?  A) No  B) Yes  C) Depending what kind of intolerance or D) His family doesn’t represent him. (he circle D).

It seems oddly specific compared to questions like What’s the best cuddling position. 

Remus still filled it all out, happy as a clam. Once done he re-reads his answers feeling warm inside like when he reads his love stories and puts the parchment to the side. He takes another whisp of that wonderful smell, slightly leaning against the tree in its direction to continue his book. The werewolf is so into the first kiss scene he never notices a hand appear out from underneath a cloak which quickly snatches up his latest quizz. 

Much later when Remus can calm his flustered face- Marlin they held hands and whispered why they loved each other for five whole pages! His poor heart couldn’t handle how adorable that was!- he realizes the scent was gone. Pity he never did find the source.

Walking back to his dorm he pushes the disappointment out of his head. He needs to get back before the others so he can bath in peace and be asleep by the time the rest of the fifth years arrive. As it was, he was so caught up in his reading he was already late.

Opening the door to Ravenclaw Tower, he ignores everyone as he quickly walks up to his room, keeping his head down. No one even glances at him. As per usual. 

When the young Lupin arrives at his assign room he is unprepared to find his dormmates, all who had often forgotten he room with them on most days, gather around Remus’ bed.

On his bed is three large baskets of chocolate. His eyes widen.

“Lupin!” Lucus Ember, one of the only boys in the room on the Quiffditch team, calls upon spotting him. He wags his eyebrows. “Someone you sent you a gift. From a secret admirer.” 

The other four boys make long “ohhhhhhhhh” sounds catcalling in their own way. Teasing but not mocking...he thinks. 

Remus just blinks at him. He walks briskly over to the bed not saying a word. Going through the baskets he ignores his dormmates continue commentary find some handwritten poetry, some books and- oh!

A set of muggle candles. His favorite!  

He can’t whip the smile off his face as he rips on open and takes a sniff-

The smell from before. The smell of someone he couldn’t see was all over these items, which meant that same someone sent him everything he adores but...but how did they know? Who even was it? 

“Marlin! Look at this, whoever Lupin’s admire is has it bad! This poem is hideous!”  Ember says holding one of the parchments. Alarm Remus throws out his hands attempting to rip it out of the other’s hands but he can’t stop him as the boy bounces away reading out loud.

 “You smile when you think no one sees,

An action which causes the world to freeze,

Surely you must know how much it breaks through my heart’s defenses

Sending me on the longest of voyages,

All due to the idea of you, I and romances.” 

Remus's face bright red as the others laugh. But he’s smiling too. It’s cheesy, it’s weak and it’s also the cutest thing anyone has ever done for him. It’s like they specifically found all his helpless romantic wishes and made them a reality But how-?

Suddenly he remembers the quiz he found while outside. All his answers! Someone had tricked him into giving away the way to his heart and was attempting to employ the method right now. 

Someone liked him so much...they went to great lengths to get him to like them back just as much. 

He can’t keep his wonder in check as he went through the rest of the poems inside the baskets all the while eating the chocolate and feeling warmer then he’s ever had before. Even with his roommates nearly bursting a rib with how much they laughed at the poor disaster of the person who was his secret admirer brought down that joyful feeling.

He doesn’t care, the scent he had enjoyed was back around him again, most likely from the gifts and he felt like for once someone saw him and liked what they saw. 

Remus’  heart fluttered in his chest making him hide his goofy gleeful smile under his hand since he wasn’t able to hide it.

 Unknown to him, a certain Black Heir Gryffindor is standing in the corner of the room, stomach fluttering at the delight he managed to bring to the face of his long-time crush.  It’s so nice to have a best friend who owns an invisible cloak.

Do you guys remember when this was a studio Ghibli blog and I’d post gifs? 2017 was a good year lol. Anyway. As a child, I never knew I’d thirst for a 2-D otome man, but sadly I’ve stopped. Yes, after two years of obsession, it’s time I retire from the fandom. I’m keeping the blog though. Ran this shit for years, ain’t gonna give up now that my horny-meter has plummeted to an all time record low. Did you guys know blogs don’t have a character limit??

Oh god. I didn’t know this blog would suddenly receive so much attention. Please, I am begging you to not scroll down. It’s endless MysticMessenger posts from two years ago.

Hey, I'm once again: back, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this blog. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers *snicker* will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!*smiles brightly* And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named [email protected] Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, [email protected] Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!*waits for readers to become insanely jealous* Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) &#!#%&&!!!(*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? BRINGING $#$$# KIDS IN A BAR!? I know it was her idea, 'cause my dad hates it, too. My mom and my stupid little 10-year old sister loves it, though. *sighs* Why does my life have to be so weird? I'm leaving...now I'm back! And not so pissed at my weird family. Now is the time to mourn the loss of one of my most loyal readers (I think she's read the entire thing one time, which is more than anyone else has done so far) She has been banned from accesing any portion of the Internet, do to reasons that must remain confidental due to security reasons. If I told you, I'd have to kill you and all that stuff. So...now I am down to one and a half readers. Untill such time that I have more. I wonder why anyone would read this? You would have to have several characteristics that I possess. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. Second of all, you would have to have the patience to read through all of this. And lastly, you'd have to know where the heck this site is. I admit it. I haven't exactly advertised this site. Nor can I find it on any search engines. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. What must I do to rise above obscurity? I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. I suppose that is the bane of all authors. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. *sniffle* Why must this be? Maybe I should just give up. After all, no one would really care if I quit updating this site. But I can't help but think of stuff like the evil over lord list and REALLY REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. They are not great neccesarily because of the content, (although that helps some) they are great because of their sheer length. You can read a little each day. And almost never finish. Also, I guess I still am trying to get the world record. I have heard some feedback suggesting that I make someway for people to remember where they stopped reading. It can be very confusing, especially if you weren't paying attention in the first place. Well, I dont want to organize this page, in any manner. This is chaos. And insanity. Not neat little text in classifiable rows, in alphabetical order. If you want neat, go to some other site(though, as mentioned in Flaming Chickens Code:472 there is no such thing as a site better than this one). Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Awwwww...I'm touched! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. You're still here, which must mean that you'd rather be here than anywhere else! Hey, where are you going?! I thought you were gonna stay here and keep me company?! *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! *gagged reader glares* What's that? I know this is the best site ever, thanks for the compliment! *reader starts inching towards freedom* I better go...I think that I may have a problem brewing. I'm back. And very concerned about this new, younger generation (all 10 year olds who were born in 1992) They are supposed to be the future. Instead they appear to be a nuclear armagedon in the form of a fifth grader. I chanced to have an interview with an informant from this evil generation (my little sister) who will be called Mrs. X for security reasons (no, she's not married, the "Mrs" makes it good as a disguise) I was quizing Mrs. X on Civil War History for an upcoming test in her classroom (whose location can not be devulged) Mrs. X seemed fluent in the subject. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked Mrs. X who participated in the Civil War. She immediatly replied "Clara Barton". I clarified, which countries fought in the Civil War. She answered: England, Russia, and (out of sheer desperation) Iraq. I believe that she was just listing countries she knows America has fought against. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but Iraq? I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Why on earth would we go have way across the world to fight them when we didn't even really need oil?!! Moving on, I finaly managed to coax my sister (I'm tired of writing Mrs. X) to tentativly guess that America fought in the Civil War. I mean, who'd a thought? America? Fighting in the American Civil War? In a moment of inspiration, I asked her who America fought. Her first guess was enslaved africans. Well, at least she knows that slaves were involved in the war. Before she could start listing all of America's enemies, I gave her a hint. I said "The Union fought..." With a crack, snaple and pop, some random synapses in her brain connected in the right order and she said "CONFEDERACY!!!" I was very proud of her, just as you would be proud of a two-year-old who has just announced: "I WENT POO-POO ON THE POTTY!!!!!" What I mean is, you wouldn't be very proud if the average person said that they just took a dookey on the toilet, and you wouldn't be very proud if they knew who fought against the Union in the Civil War. I confirmed that the Union was Northern and Free, and that the Confederacy was Southern and Slave. We resumed quizzing and she got every question on the worksheet correct. This is because she memorizes the questions. That way, she can pass the test without actually learning anything. You see, if you memorize stuff, you only have to remember that the answer to number 6 is Clara Barton for a week, rather than having to remember that Clara Barton started the Red Cross for the rest of you life. I sincerely appologize if anyone is offended by my view of memorization. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. You don't belong here. You see...knowledge is good. If my sister...uh...Mrs. X were ever asked a question on the Civil War on a quiz show, she'd come up with nothing. With knowledge you can win money and the opportunity to look like a dork on national television. My sister is a big believer in the memorization system. I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. I tried to explain. I asked her how you dress on the forth of july (she said nice) I asked what the colors red, white and blue were (pretty). I gave up in exasperation. More recently, I was trying to instill a sense of empathy and niceness in her. I asked her what the golden rule of christianity was. She didn't know. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. Completly defeated, I told her that it was the religion she practiced every Sunday when she went with her friends to church. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. Anyway, that's my rant on the new generation that contains my little sister. When someone of her generation runs for president, I'm gonna do a complete background check. If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. Gotta go...the Russian-Brittish-Iraqi-enslaved-Africans are coming to defeat the Mexicans. I'm back! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) Furthormore, is it considered accepted behavior to talk to these dead reptiles, in a cooey, baby talky kind of voice? Finnaly, is it expected for said sibling's non-gender specific parent to encourage such behavior, citing "I was just like that as a child" as an excuse? It's an honest question as I fear that my non-gender specific sibling is weird. Who am I kidding? My entire family is weird. It's just a matter of degree. Hey, by the way. I'm sorry that my last few entries have been only about my various family antics. Although I can't see why you care, because there is a large probability that you do not exist, because I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. How discouraging. People need to make the time to waste time. It's a time honored tradition. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? It's been pretty quiet here lately, which is why I haven't added anything to this text in awhile. I know, you were just crushed that nothing new was happening. It's a sad, cold, cruel world out there and you had nothing to relieve the monotony of it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Next thing you know, you're internet connection will die. Well, too bad! Do you know I never even had a computer untill just a few months ago (that's why I'm obsessivly writing here) So I won't pity you if you're computer dies for unexpected reasons. Time for another quote from the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK!!! Code: 843 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that in no way is the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who?) responsible for any faulty wiring or lack thereof in your computer. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips in no way wishes harm on your computer. Any derogatory statement is simply an opinion of an individual, not of the flaming order of the flaming chickens. Said order will in no way be held responsible for any damages, injuries, loss of life, limb, head, or organs. Okay, quote is done. Maybe I should put quotation marks around them...nah, too much work. But I probably will eventually get around to having a seperate page just for the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK. That way all the members (what members) can print out a copy of it for themselves (if they didn't get that copy in the mail) I guess I'm done for the day...I know. You want me to stay. It's okay. Because eventually, I'll be back! Seeya! I'm back. And once again suprised. When I was at a TAB poetry thingy (TAB is good TAB is great We love TAB) I met some new people. One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. As in...she read the ENTIRE Longest Text Ever. The whole thing. So far two whole people (to my knowledge) have read the entire thing, and a few people have skimmed it. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! I'm so happy! That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! Perhaps, one day, far in the future, this will actually be a world record and random people will acutally voluntarily read this text every day. Or maybe not. The point is that it is nice to have readers. Or maybe it's not...I mean...won't the quality *snicker* of my work deteriorate if I am no longer writing for the target audience of me? If that happens, then no one will read this. And then I'll be writing for me again. And then the quality will rise. And then people will start reading. And then the quality will go down and the vicious spiral of good and bad will continue untill I either give up this text, or go crazy...er. In any case...I should probably find a topic. Yeah...a topic would be good. Or...I could just continue to write about finding a topic. Ooooo! I know a topic! Ice cream trucks! This has been bothering me for a while. You see...when it's hot, you want something cold to eat. Conviently, ice cream trucks come around during the hottest part of the year (it must be a conspiracy). As you may or may not know, small children swarm the ice cream trucks. The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry children...and adults. Of course, said adults would have to peel their butt-cheeks off the couch...but they'd have to do that for the delivary man anyway. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. We could all breath a sigh of relief as parents kept their children inside, away from the evil truck drivers and near the T.V. Gone would be the days when parents told children to play outside, it's a nice day. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. This, of course would expand the market for such products. This would lead to a better, more stable economy. Food industires would be buying cars, gas and music. Parents would increase the purchase of entertainment items. In return companies would make a profit, pay their workers better. The workers would then be able to afford more entertainment items and the upward spiral would continue, as opposed to the evil downward spiral of my writing. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen...if you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. As long as you don't mind a few more couch potatoes. Gotta go...I think I hear a catchy jingle. I'm back...it's been awhile since I've written here. A lot has happened. Like my EVIL school computer deleting my updates page. But it's all good. Especially since I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. Okay. What I liked best was the philosophy on choices. (the mindless fight scenes were really cool, too). It's like this. In the beginning of the movie, Neo is having dreams about Trinity's death. Later, The Oracle tells him that he has already decided her fate. Towards the end of the movie, Neo chooses to tell Trinity to stay out of the Matrix, since he saw her die in it. She agrees, but only after seeing how important it is to him. After a horrific chain of events (is it coincidence, or fate) the people who will deactivate the secondary power source of the building Neo is infiltrating, die. So...the plan is going to fail. Unless someone does something, Neo, Morpheus and many others will die. Trinity, who is of course outside of the Matrix, knows this and chooses to enter the Matrix to save the day. The events of Neo's dream unfold. So...when the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. The moment Neo woke from dreams of Trinity's death, he made a choice. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. So he kept her out of the Matrix, and she saw the problem, and entered the Matrix to fix it. If she had been in the Matrix, she would have likely been with Morpheus, never would have known about the plan's failure, would therefore not have been in the situation that resulted in her death. And the plan would have failed and Neo might have died, along with a large portion of the city (the building was set to blow if there was any intruders) So...Neo's choice to attempt to save Trinity triggered the sequence of events that led to her death. As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. This choice is simply an extension of his original choice: he will save Trinity at all costs. Neo is told that he has two choices. He can save mankind, and doom Trinity. Or he can try to save Trinity and doom mankind. No guarantee that he'll succeed in saving Trinity. He goes for Trinity, makes it just in time to catch her body, and starts her heart back up. In return for not taking the easy route, he gains a power in the more or less real world. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. The movie ends with him in a coma. Now, you must realize that I have described only one aspect of this movie of all movies. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. I'm sorry that today's rant isn't random, insane or completely chaotic, but I must right my experience with The Matrix before I forget. I am so buying this movie when it comes out on DVD. I love it! You have to admit its sheer coolness. I mean, come on! It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. I better stop typing before I have a heart attack...just remember...The Matrix has you...I'm back. And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. You see...they feel that the only way to reward academic achievement...yada-yada-yada...is to force the smart kids to be ushers for Senior Honor Nite, and Graduation. Where is the logic in this? I for one, didn't know about such dire consequences for not deliberatly failing classes. It was bad enough that I was forced to "volunteer" my precious time (i could have worked on this site)...no...I was forced to wear formal attire. My school system is stuck in the past...and formal attire means...a dress...a white dress...(for those you who never bothered to find out...I am indeed female). So...for the first time in about 5 years...I wore a dress...and something that was complelty white. What cruel fate is this? To compound the EVIL situation...I was forced to wear feminine shoes. In other words...they hurt. And they pushed my toes together. Since I have a rather weird phobia of touching my own skin...this made my evening my own personall torture session. I think that such gender-specific torture should be deemed inhumane and abolished from our great society...of flaming chickens. Henceforth...Code: 666 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that under no circumstance will the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who) be forced to wear anything other than a t-shirt and preferably black jeans. Should you violate this right, you will become destroyed or possibly dizzy. I'm leaving now...I have some destruction to do. i'm back. from graduation. we had to get there one hour and fifteen minutes early because there was traffic. After standing around a lot...the ceremony started. Lots of people spoke. by the time I had to do my part (tell people where to stand before getting their diploma) it was dark. there were bugs. they liked landing on me. then...i got to go stand while people said a lot of stuff. i couldn't hear it because someone had put the speakers facing the audience. we clapped. the whole time, even during the name-calling, seniors were playing with silly string and beachballs. afterwards...they turned off the lights. there were lots of fireworks. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. i called home, and waited another hour for my ride...traffic to the school was one way. i felt sorry for my dad. i am tired...but cannot go to sleep. i'll copy and paste this to my site. maybe the longest text ever. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. i cannot feel my feet. i hate dress shoes. I'm back. Today, I'm here to salute the Pointless Signs Of America! The PSOA have been whole-heartedly working for you, and what have you done for them? NOTHING! These so-called "pointless" signs are doing just what they were meant to do: entertain you! You cannot judge them simply because they have no apparant function. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. They could do anything they wanted to, if they just put their minds to it. If you judged everything by what it doesn't acomplish, then the entire world is populated by pointless beings. Noone can do everything, so how can you expect a SIGN, with the I.Q. of toilet paper, to do everything. You people sicken me. You expect far to much of the inanimate world. The inanimate world, on the otherhand, expects nothing of you. Which is exactly what it gets. If you expect nothing, and get nothing, you feel nothing. If you expect nothing and get something, you're happy. But, if you expect something and get something you feel nothing. And if you expect something and get nothing, you feel cheated. If you're following along, and not completly confused, you'll realize that it is better to be a pessimist than an optomist. Yep that's right. This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. This has been a weird day. You can thank my associate "Meg" she came up with the PSOA acronym. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta go...seeya later! I'm finnaly back! Today, I took a long look at this site, which is the acomplishment of almost a year of work. And I asked myself "How could I have better spent my time?" And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Here we go! Number One: I could have cured cancer. Not that I know anything about medicine...or cancer for that matter. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. Number Two: I could helped the earth to find eternal and lasting peace. Which would be boring. So I at least have an excuse for not doing that. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. Uh...don't think so...Number Four: I could have learned to drive. This would have resulted in the deaths of numerous pedistrians...and I would still probably be wondering around in search of a McDonalds. Number Five: I could have read more books, played more video games and watched more mindless television. Gee...I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Number Six: I could have implemented one of several plans for world domination. Or, as an alternative, I could have ruined several plans for world domination that other people made. Number Seven: I could drive people crazy. Wait...aren't I already doing that? Scratch number seven. And on to: Number Eight: I could have...uhhhh...ummmmm...actually thought up these things before hand. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? Number Ten: This is the list that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. One person, started typing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue typing it forever just because this is the list that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some person started typing it not...etc, etc. Okay...I admit it. I have officialy run out of ways I could have better spent my time. I don't think there actually are any. Except for maybe five and six. Now, those have possibilities. However, I am currently content to just sit here and type. For the benefit of you, the reader...who may or may not exist. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. I feel like I should be outraged about some topic or another. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. Perhaps a nice, soothing mistrust. Yeah. I can work with mistrust. I definitly mistrust lots of stuff. Like organ grinders, and the evil conspiracies. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. Now, some of you are probably thinking "Gee, Really?", or "Wow, I never knew that!" while others are thinking "Who's John F. Kennedy?" or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last two...especially about Kodak. Kodak, as you may know, is a film developing company. And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. Or possibly a really good president who wanted to fly to the moon. Either way, he got assasinated. And ever loony in America decided that it was a conspiracy. Some even go so far as to claim that Kodak "changed" the pictures of the assasination to make an assasination in the bushes become a tree's shadow. I didn't know that they had such good technology back then. I have to wonder...why would Kodak do such a thing. Perhaps Kodak is actually a front organization for a shadowy governmental system that controls the entire world and didn't want mankind to obtain the freedom of the stars and so tried to sabotauge the space program even though it didn't work as well as they planned. Or perhaps not. Either way, Kodak is undeniably evil. How can any company that takes so many "wholesome" pictures not be? You can just bet that they look at every one that get's turned in to them, judging blackmail value, and whether or not you could get arrested. It's just sickening, you can't even take a simple photo nowadays. Unless you have a digital camera, which are a symbol of freedom from the old ways and willing enslavement to the new ways. We can only hope that the digital camera manufacturers are kinder masters than the evil Kodak Lords. I better go...I think Kodak is tracing my site....I'm back now! And, once again, I have proof that someone actually took the time (two hours) to read this entire Longest Text Ever! It's amazing, it's incredible, it's unbelievable. But true. Even more incredible, this time it's someone I don't even know! Wooooooo! I feel inspired and happy and other really good emotions and stuff. And so, I'll take a trip down memory lane, to the dark depths of the past, to when I decided to make this page. It was inspired, in part, by my sheer and utter boredom. In school, back before I even owned a computer, I'd type random words for long periods of time, 'cause I had nothing better to do. Once I got this computer, I decided to do something similar on my beloved site. But, it ended up making more sense than I anticipated (scary thought, huh). Oh, well...I tired of nostalgia. Back to the present. Right now, I'm just typing so that no one can say that I've been slacking off. I don't think I have any conspiracy theories...except pop-ups/pop-unders. Have you ever had the evil pop-up that says that if you click here, it'll get rid off all the annoying pop-ups? Isn't that sort of ironic? Could the pop-up blocker people have chosen a better means to advertise their product? It's like grand-theft auto 3's talk show, you know, the one where there are Citizens Raging Against Phones? Or CRAP, for short. And the lady representing them, calls the radio station...on a phone. It's stupid and ironic and just shouldn't exist in a better world. Pop-Up ad's help you get rid of pop-up ads? Insane, chaotic...hmmmmm...I wonder who thought of it? Was it on purpose, or was it just some mistake? It is now my civic duty to discover this ancient mystery, and reveal it to the uncaring world. Or maybe I'll go make a frozen pizza. Yeah. That sounds good, too. Since I'm not particualarly inspired at the moment, I should leave and let you gather what is left of your sanity. I just can't seem to stop, though. Okay...I can do it. I'm leaving. I'm back...and it's several hours later. I've decided to imortalize the stupidity of my dog, Moose. She is a heavy-set Yorkshire Terrior (12 lbs.) In otherwords, she's a small yappy dog who is big for her breed. Today, I met her arch-enemy. An enemy so terrifying that Moose cannot stop shaking. An enemy so hideous that Moose must destroy it at all costs. An enemy so dangerous that Moose fears it above all others. Now you may be wondering what horrible beast is Moose's arch-enemy. And you probably suspect that it is something pathetic. You would be correct in your suspiciousness...for Mooses arch-enemy is...*dramatic drumroll*...a small, white, feather. Now, Moose has seen many feathers, birds even. But none have struck terror in her little moose heart like this particular feather. So...naturally I put her arch-enemy in my pocket and brought it home with me. This action has made her very suspicious of where my loyalties lie. She tracks the feather smell all over the house, and goes crazy whenever I take it out of my pocket. She even got her sister and mother in the spirt of things. Now her sister sounds an alarm whenever she sees the evil feather. Now, you may be wondering what is so terrifying about a small, white, feather. So am I. It doesn't smell funny, (I asked my brother, since I don't have a sense of smell), it seems perfectly ordinary. So, I've decided that Moose works for some secret government organization, and that the feather is the key to the destruction of the world, and I am just blithely letting it enter our home, so that it may furthur its evil plans to destroy the universe. That is the only possible explanation as to why it upsets her so much. Or...maybe it's the feather off of the cartoon owl from the tootsie-roll pop comercials (one...two...three..*crunch*). Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. Now I'd better go and torture my Moose with it...:) I am officially back. And you, the potentially non-existant reader gets a once in a lifetime chance to hear me rant and rave about my Horrible, Horrible Family Vacation. I know. You feel very, very honored. It's like this. My mother is a control freak, and she decided on the spur of the moment that we were going north to visit relatives. Later that day, she decided we were NOT going north, we were going south to a beach resort. Still later that day, she got offended at some trivial thing and decided that we weren't going anywhere at all. The very next day, she decided that we were going north, after all. So, we packed everthing up. Before we knew it, we were on the road. The first part of the trip was fairly easy. As in, I was half-asleep, hoping that we'd arrive while I slept. Then, in an inspired move, my brother talked my mother into letting him sit up front. That meant that my mother would be in the back, with me and my younger, eviler sister. Immediatly, my mother started complaining. It was uncomfortable in the back, it was too hot, it was too cold. Then, she accidently woke our three yappy dogs up, and they relized that they were in a car. That meant only one corse of action for them. They started shaking and barked their little heads off. This annoyed my mother further, untill she asked, no, demanded that my father turn the car around so that we could go home. Unfortuantly, we had already driven 337 miles toward our destination. After much argument, my father was going to turn around, untill he realized that my mother was going to drop the dogs and me off, and then turn around and continue north. This seemed slightly unpracticle, so we ended up not taking that 337 mile detour. We eventually reached our destination after 16 hours of virtually non-stop driving. We got there, we ate. We slept. My mother visited relatives. And so the week went by. I got to go to a huge library, and see Terminator 3 at the local theater. That was the high point of the entire trip. The last day, we were deciding where to eat. My mom said that she didn't care. So my dad picked a steak place. My mother tried to order a mushroom-swiss burger...only to discover that the place had no swiss-cheese. So she decided on a salad, only to discover that they didn't have her favorite salad dressing. After much deliberation, she decided that she wouldn't eat. After complaining how hungry she was, and about the poor quality of the resteraunt, she walked out of the resteraunt, instructing the rest of us to "enjoy our meals". And I wonder where my little sister gets her annoyingness. Not that my mother is annoying...just set in her ways. The whole meal thing was about the only interesting thing to happen during the week. On the way home, we had gotten approximatly 4 hours into the trip when my mother predicatably decided that we had to go back and eat at the 50th aniversary of her favorite ice cream place. Needless to say, we ignored her. Oh, and when my sister had to go to the bathroom very badly during a traffic jam, my mother had the good taste to making hissing/water noises to make my sister's problem worse. She claimed that my little sister always did it to her, and she was getting pay-back. Between her bickering with my sister, and obsessivly playing neopets games, I don't know what to do with her. Anyway...that was my family vacation rant. It sucked. No suprise. At least it's over. Sorry if I complained a lot. If you don't like it, start your own longest text ever. Anyway, I promise to go back to my usual routine the next time I rant here. I thought of a topic on the way home, but forgot it. Seeya. I'm back! I know, I took you completly by suprise. You thought you'd gotten rid of me. *cheesy super-hero voice* Well, fear not, random citizen, for I, PSOPC am here! *normal voice* Today I have a very important to discuss with you in this: PERFECTLY NORMAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT. Yes, that's right. It's time to warn you, the viewer...er...reader...about the evils of various stuff. Today's lesson is: subliminal messages . That's right, folks, mass hypnosis via commercials. Now, I'm sure you've at least heard of subliminal messages , right? No? Well...prepare to be enlightened. Subliminal messages are an advertising technique that puts hidden pictures and words into a main image. You don't see them, but your subconsious (dreaming) mind does. Your subconsious mind acts on whatever it is told. What does this mean to you? It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!! Why else would they invest all that money to show commercials in their own store? Because they put subliminal messages in them, of course! Subliminal messanging also explains the successes of certain fast-food resteraunts, and brand name items. BEWARE YOUR TOASTER OVEN! Okay. That had nothing to do whatsoever with subliminal messages...it's just cool to say. Anyway, only watch wal-mart if you WANT to be subliminaly entertained into purchasing a new set of TUPERWARE, even though your old set is PERFECTLY fine. This has been a public service announcment. Pretty cool, huh? Uh...you don't have to take the subliminal stuff seriously. It's true, and all, but I have no proof about wal-mart, or certain fast food resteraunts. It makes sense, though. Wal-mart TV is evil. You cannot deny it. Seeya...hmmm..I wonder if there's subliminal stuff in my computer...I'm back. And I feel that it's time for a FAKE commercial break, for the highly informed, obviously brain-dead consumer. And now, a word from our non-existant sponsor. Ketchup: The only food that you'll want to eat after traveling to the 5th Dimension. It's been practically proven that Ketchup transforms into a highly intoxicating (non-addictive) delicious substance upon returning from the 5th Dimension. Stock up now with our Valu-Pak to recieve 3-metric tons of Ketchup, all for the low, low price of your brain, since you're obviously not using it anyway. Then, just wait for technology to "catch-up" (get it, catch-up, Ketchup?)so you can travel to the 5th Dimension like our scientists almost did. (Next Commercial) Get ready fo: Faux's new "reality" TV show, "How Low Can We Go?" It's about six contestants who compete to create the worst, least likely "reality" TV show. The winner not only gets the million-dollar prize, they get the chance to produce the show they created. Remember: if the show sucks, it's their fault, not ours!(Next exciting commercial!)And for all the idiots out there: Try new and improved Dum-B-Gon! Dum-B-Gon stimulates brain activity, making you up to 10 times smarter! Not only that, Dum-B-Gon: stimulates weight loss, cures "any" illness, does simple houshold chores, never leaves the toilet seat up and is the perfect gentle companion for your kids. How can you pass up this revolutionary new product? It's yours for only 3 bi-monthly payments of $3.95 ($3,95,000 on days ending in "y")Don't forget, Dum-B-Gon is practically guaranteed!* (*Not a guarantee) (Next commercial)Have you ever wondered why food sometimes goes bad in your fridge, even if you've only had it a few years? It's because of the "evil little faeries with sharp little teeth." These "faeries" sprinkle your food with highly toxic "age dust" and ruin a perfectly good four-year-old meatloaf. How do you stop them? With our patented "spray". Our "spray" kills over 99.9% of "faeries" (which are much to small to see) Our "spray" also kills most disease causing agents, like rats, or pigeons. WARNING: Leave food sit in an open, well-venilated spot for a week before eating. And now, back to our featured presentation. Wasn't that semi-entertaining? I bet you wanna go eat some Ketchup covered Dum-B Gon right now, while watching "reality" TV. Just make sure you "spray" your food first. Pathetic, wasn't it? Oh, well. I was bored, and a dilligent reader suggested I make fake commercials, so...therer they are. Happy? Good. I'm leavin', for now. I'm back. And I'm willing to enlighten you, the potentially you-know-what reader. Today, I was checking out some weird news. At one point, I read an article that stated that it had been proven, conclusivly, that Kansas was flatter than the standard pancake. The researches even used highly advanced technololgy to map the surface of a pancake and compare it to documented geology of Kansas. Some people disagree, the director of the Kansas Geological Survey said "I think this is part of a vast breakfast food conspiracy to denigrate Kansas. It's a cheap shot." So...doesn't that make you want to take Kansas' side (I sincerly appologize if you are from Kansas). It just seems extremly weird (and worthy of mentioning) that this semi-important guy from Kansas believes in a "vast breakfast food conspiracy". Makes you think that the long held belief that Kodak conspired with the JFK assasin(s) is normal. Another article claims that an anitseptic turned a polar bear purple, drawing large crowds of people. I sure hope other zoos won't copy them. Before you know it, we'll have orange alligators, pink tigers and blue lions. School children won't be able to correctly identify the color of a zebra. Random people will think they've gone crazy, after a seemingly innocent visit to the zoo. It's wrong, I tell you. A complete and total degregation of our societies values. What values, you say? The basic moral belief that Polar bears should be WHITE. Unless we spray-painted the snow purple, too. Then it would be okay. As long as the bear blends in, you know? Speaking of animals, there's a cat in California who is a kleptomaniac (likes to steal stuff). He sneaks into neighboring homes, and takes clothing, wrapped christmas presents, and anything he can find. He then leaves them under his owners car. Okay, better leave. I'm back. And I don't really have a topic today. I'm just bored. Sometimes I just do this, you know? Start typing without any idea about what it is I intend to say. Maybe I subconsiously DO know what I'm doing here, but refuse to admit it to myself. Or maybe I am monumentally bored and don't have anything else to do at the moment. Either way, I'm here. You must be pretty bored, too. Otherwise, why on earth (beta, krpto, zkdjf, Planet X, whatever) would you be here? It would make no sense. If you have something better to do, why wouldn't you be doing it right now? I would be. But, maybe that's just the difference between you and me. Yeah. That must be it. Unless you're bored. Then I completly understand. I need to find a topic. Here, topic, topic, topic! Come on, I won't hurt you, I promise! *hides large ax behind back* Come here, topic! Why are you afraid of little ol' me? *sigh* There are no topics anywhere near me. Kinda like me and "Meg" webcomic we are trying to do. It's called Hit-Or-Miss, any topics, plot, etc. are completly accidental and are not the fault/responsibility of the creators. That was sort of a topic, even though it was sort of random. Which is what I do best. Okay, I'm done with that litte commercial. What now...hmmmmm...should I share with you more of my paranoid/delusional conspiracy theories? Or have I been doing that too much lately? Oooooo! I know, I'll start of list of why it's fun/good to be insane/weird! #1You can say or do anything and normal people will agree with you in the hopes that you'll be satisfied, shut up, and go away. Far away. I will show you an example with this completly true stuff that I experienced several years ago. ME: My vicious, psychotic, flesh-eating bunny-rabbit wants to rule the world. RANDOM PERSON: Uh-huh, that's nice. ME: Yeah, but I told her that she'd be a terible ruler. I mean, she traded Asia for a carrot! And she doesn't even LIKE carrots! RANDOM PERSON: You don't say? ME: Yep. She also is the goddess of red jello. RANDOM PERSON: *head explouding from sheer insanity* As you can see, I was a very weird child (this happened in elementary school...uh...except for that head-explouding part). Okay...on to: #2 You can get out of practically anything by saying: a)It's against my religion b)I'm allergic to that. c)I have an extremly irrational fear of that. d)I already did that in a past life and it sucked. e)My psychotic bunny predicted I'd die doing it. Unfortunalty, several of those reasons LEGITAMITLY apply to a certain activity I do every Tuesday, which WILL NOT BE NAMED HERE LEST I GIVE IT POWER OVER ME! I'm allergic to parts of it, have irrational fears about others and I'm pretty sure it's against my Jenny religion...along with eating mashed potatoes, or potatoes of any kind. I'll add that to the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK. Thou shalt not eat spuds. Hmmmm...time for #3You can obsessive over ANYTHING, and people will think nothing of it. I, personally, am obsessed with, kitties, bunnies, bats, this website, drawing, making intriate little patterns with strings, doing mildly repetitive activities, being weird, apparantly making lists and cheese...and chickens...and flame. Fire is good. Fire is free. Fire is my friend...until it burns me. Then it must die...painfully. And on to:#4You make your friends look normal in comparison. And #5: You can give each of your pets several weird names such as: Ringling-Raison-Bailey-Suzana-Midnight-Schultz, Squirell, Moose, Moose-Moose, Moosey-Moose, Linzey-Moose, Muffin, Squirell-Muffin, Yabby-Doodle, Abby Normal, Wiggle-Baby, Wiggle-Muffin, Witle-Baby, Cheese-Monkey, Muffin-With-Squirell-Juice, Squirell-With-Muffin Juice, Moosey-Juice, Squirell-Monkey, etc. Now, wasn't that a fun list!? Doesn't that just make you proud to be weird? I should make bumber stickers saying that. Proud to be weird. It'd be cool. Anyway, gotta go! *yawn* I'm back. Last night I was super-charged with lots of sugar and not a lot of sleep. I ended up writing things during the time of night when EVERYTHING is hilarious, including the word sheep. To compound things, I wasn't alone, and things just escalated. The following is everything I wrote during that sugar-coated time period. Some are answers to e-mails, the rest are just stuff I wrote.

Definitly. THen we go to library. Guess what? Me and Josh ate lots and lots of sugar, and it's late at nite and everything is funny but we can't laugh 'cause everybody is sleepin' so it's even funnier but ever since we drank the water we sobered up even though we weren't drunk but we ate sugar...lots and lots of sugar. MOstly donut cake. Okay. JOsh says it was only one piece of cake. WE got it at Wal-mart. Or his mom did. OR something. Goodbye..

Precure Day 151

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 03 - “Who’s the Precure of Effervescence?” Date watched: 3 October 2019 Original air date: 18 February 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/wUrfDcF Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

If you like drinking games, watch this episode and take a shot every time they say the word “effervescent” or variations and report back to me. Cure Lemonade’s title and role call describe her as “はじける” (hajikeru) which every translator to ever touch this show has seemed to agree translates best as “effervescent”, an uncommon word which can either mean bubbly (in the context of beverages) or lively and appealing, when talking about people. To reinforce my point, here’s every English sub I could get my hands on:

First off, here is the Arienai fansub from around 2007, the first ones to ever translate this episode to English and thus establish the use of the word “effervescent.”

Following Arienai’s disbandment, in 2009 TV-Nihon took up the task of subbing and I know from talking with him that their translator was very aware of the Areinai sub, and also pretty new to translating, so he probably took heavy inspiration from their choice.

Lastly, here is the version used by Pretty Cure Splash Subs in 2014, although they admit that they took the Arienai scripts for the earlier episodes and just tweaked them a tad.

Amusingly, “bubbly” in the sense of personality is a pretty good synonym. I can only assume that they keep coming back to “effervescent” because within the narrative, Nozomi and Rin are confused when Coco tells them there’s a Precure of “hajikeru” so they chose a less common word to convey that better. It feels a little clunky to read but what can you do. Anyway, enough about one word, what’s this episode about?

The Plot

Urara is auditioning for a show and the interviewers quiz her about her school life, since she seems upbeat. She’s unwilling to admit that she spends most of her time at school alone, and she can’t talk about seeing two upperclassmen turn into Precure, so she lies and says everything is great.

At school, Rin catches a Pinky with Coco, this time using a trumpet. He then explains that the two of them are the cures of hope and passion, and they still need to find the cures of intelligence, tranquility, and effervescence. (1 shot!) 

Over in Nightmare Corporate HQ, Bunbee tells Girinma he’s not performing up to standards, so he bring in the next consultant, a portly man named Gamao.

After school, Nozomi takes Coco home with her as a fairy, gives him a cream puff (the signature food of this show) and turns on the television. When her dad sits up from sleeping on the couch she quickly tries to hide Coco and distract her dad by pointing out Urara on the TV, saying she knows her.

The next day during lunch, Nozomi and Rin see Urara sitting alone and goes over to talk to her, saying she can ask them anything. So, Urara comes right out and asks what Precure is, causing the two girls to fumble for an answer before running off when the bell rings for the end of lunch. However, Nozomi comes back to retrieve her left-behind bento and decides to skip class and take Urara on a tour of the school grounds. When Rin and Coco find out about this they’re upset and they run off to find her, but Urara seems to be having a great time with Nozomi.

They get to the auditorium and Urara comments that she will stand on that stage someday! At this point, Nozomi declares that the two of them are good friends and reveals that she is a Pretty Cure, and don’t tell Rin. Well of course who should barge into the theater at that moment than Rin, with Coco on her heels, angry at Nozomi for cutting class and generally being a bad influence on the underclassman. But before Rin and Coco can properly chew her out, Gamao reveals himself and demands that they hand over the Dream Collet. Nozomi and Rin transform, urging Urara to run away, which she hesitates to do. Eventually she gets out, but she trips in the hallway, and after some introspection, decides to turn around and run back to help the two girls who protected her. Her strong feelings summon a yellow butterfly, allowing her to transform into Cure Lemonade! She unleashes her special attack, Precure Lemonade Flash, which takes the form of a flock of butterflies divebombing the Kowaina, freeing Dream and Rouge and allowing them to defeat the monster. Gamao runs off, complaining that he won’t get paid for this, and the auditorium resets to normal.

Outside, the girls remark that Urara is the perfect fit for the Cure of Effervescence, and Coco says he’ll fill her in on all the details after she and Nozomi serve detention for skipping class. However, the episode ends on a happy note, as the three new friends agree to work together from now on.

The Analysis

What I like about these shows with a larger roster of Cures is that it allows each girl to have their own reason for fighting. While all three girls so far have done it to protect someone, the motivation behind that protection has varied. Nozomi wants to help Coco revive his homeland. Rin wants to protect her oldest friend, Nozomi. Urara wants to save her newest friends, especially Nozomi, who saw that she was lonely and made it a point to spend time with her. Becoming a Precure ties directly into a personal problem in each of their lives, and that’s..... magical.

Urara in particular may hit close to home for some people, because achieving your dream can sometimes isolate you. Since Urara was always rehearsing or going to auditions, she didn’t have the time to make friends at school, and she was hurting for it. Nozomi was the first person to take notice of her, beyond simply being a celebrity. Nozomi saw a new student who seemed kinda lonely, and decided to show her a good time. The fact that she’s an aspiring celebrity is a side note for Nozomi, a cool thing to tell her parents, but it’s not why she approached her. They clicked in their first meeting and Nozomi decided she’d make a good friend. Then, when they were friends, Nozomi decided to tell her about Precure and their fight against Nightmare. Sure, it’s partly because Nozomi has little filter, but also she saw someone she could confide in. Unlike the other three members of the team, she didn’t pick out Urara as a good candidate to be a cure, Urara earned her spot purely of her own will. She literally ran away from the fight, but her concern for the others and desire to face her fears brought her back.

There’s a recurring trope in the team-building shows that I don’t like, though, which is that the existing heroines somehow find themselves conveniently disabled or unable to fight, making room for the new girl to swoop in, transform for the first time, and save the day. In the two-girl shows, if both of them got tied up, they had to use their wits to escape. I don’t mind it happening once or twice but it seems to be the only way the writers ever know how to introduce a new character is by making the other ones into jobbers.

On the villain side of things, we get to see a little more of Nightmare, which is always fun. Their HQ is a giant office building with devil horns!

You kind of have to wonder if this is just in the middle of downtown or if the other buildings are all in some ~evil dimension~. Also, we find out what happens to under-performers at Nightmare.... they get dropped down a shaft. Seems like kind of a hostile work environment but it’s great for setting the tone.

While I’m discussing Nightmare, let’s talk about Gamao in particular. Gama means “toad”, which is why Gamao is a toad. SHOCKING. Anyway, unlike the go-getter Girinma, Gamao is very simple-minded: he wants to get the Dream Collet so he can get paid, and isn’t interested in wasting time laying traps or listening to the girls’ life stories. He’s portrayed as a very portly man, looking kind of sloppy in his human form, not at all up to the normal appearance standards of a corporation. he wears cargo shorts, a t-shirt (it actually has a giant T on it), and an unbuttoned button-down shirt. Everybody else in the company wears a suit. Nightmare must be pretty desperate for employees if they let him work for them. Also, we now have a bee, a mantis, and a wasp, so let’s lay out the motif of Nightmare. All of them are animals that prey on butterflies, which of course are the motif of the cures. It’s a very clever pattern that I hadn’t even noticed until it was pointed out to me the other day.

This episode shows us very clearly what Karen must have seen during the first episode, when the auditorium magically restores itself after the battle. (check the gallery) It’s never explained how this happens in most shows, but it’s a constant so at least they allude to it. Indeed, their battle does not go entirely unnoticed this time, since even though they’re indoors, the commotion of the fight causes the students in Karen and Komachi’s class to turn their heads and wonder what’s going on. Karen is going to check it out, but Komachi stops her because they’re in the middle of class. I really like how proactive they are in trying to solve the mystery and very soon their time will come.

I think that about does it for my thoughts this time. Next time, what’s that minty smell? Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 1 kettei!

Glee - The Exit Quiz

Okay, I’m gonna rapid fire answer these, cause why not.  I really recommend you guys do the same! (also - thanks @honeysucklepink - for sending in an ask <3) 

1. favorite character?

Kurt Hummel - love him so hard (but obviously, y’all know I love Blaine and many others, too) 

2. favorite teacher?

Probably Beiste or Emma

3. favorite couple?         

Klaine - be shocked.        

4. least favorite character?

Believe it or not, Ken Tanaka - I just cannot so hard

5. least favorite teacher?

Oh Will - he’s a disgrace to the profession. 

6. least favorite couple?    

I don’t know? Long term - Probably anything related to the Jarley/Ryder triangle - because it bored me to tears.   Short term - Puck/Shelby - don’t get me started. 

7. favorite duet?        

Off the top of my head - Happy Days/Get Happy, it hits the warm place of my heart        

 8. favorite bromance?

Sam and Blaine, kinda by default.  I wasn’t huge about the male friendships on the show. 

 9. favorite episode?

Oh c’mon, y’all know it’s New New York

10. favorite season?           

This is actually hard - I think season 2 has my favorite bits, but season 5 is my favorite overall?      

11. least favorite season?              

Season 3 - continued to be shocked  

12. favorite favorite episode?               

Um, did we not just go over this? 

13. favorite cast member?                

Oh Chris, you know it’s Chris

14. funniest character?                

Jane Lynch *lol

15. which character's clothes would you like? 

EEsh, hard pass on most of them. 

16. favorite competition episode?      

Original Song - almost by default, I really can’t stand most of the competition episodes.           

17. what episode can you watch over and over again?                

Most of them, and I have ;)  I like Love, Love, Love might be the most rewatchable though. 

18. what character do you find the best looking?      

I had to think... is it Kurt? Yeah, no, it’s definitely Kurt...           

19. why did you start watching glee?               

Okay, so I’ll tell this whole story... 

So, ten years ago, I got a new job, and moved to a new city, and met a (seemingly) nice guy - with whom I went out with a few times and (unfortunately) it didn’t work out because I got dumped cause he wasn’t that great and still seeing his ex.  Fun, right? Anyway - a friend of mine was like - I’m sorry you’re sad - watch this show! You like musicals and are okay with gay, you’ll like it! 

So - she gave me the season 1 (part 1) dvd and I was like - yeah, that’s fun, but nothing about it grabbed me.  Except DSB - that gave me chills.  But then she insisted we watch it together every time it was on, and so we did... through, eh, half way through season 2? 

And I was, like, nope, this show is just the worst - it’s mean spirited and mean and I am not really enjoying it.  So I stopped.  For about a year. 

So a year-ish later, I got let go from a second job (that was fine - it was super shady and people got arrested, don’t do random online jobs guys) and had some free time, so decided to catch up on Glee and **gasp** watched The First Time and absolutely fell in love with Klaine.  And then I rewatched the whole series and really appreciated it more the second time around.  

And years later, I’m now sitting here with you people.  Lol <3

20. how long have you watched glee?

March 2010                

21. what scene or episode made you fall in love with the show?   

The Auditorium scene from The First Time.  It took my breath away, which hadn’t happened since I started watching The Office.              

22. if you could wake up and be one of the characters for a day, who would you like to be?              

Elliott Gilbert - he seems to have his life together.   

23. what character would you most like to meet?           

Cooper Anderson - I mean who wouldn’t?      

24. favorite newbie character?             

Unique in the original newbies, Jane of the second group   

25. who would you be most want to be friends with?           

Elliott Gilbert - he’d get my life together     

 26. if you could have a one night stand with any character, who would you choose?           

Cooper.  I mean there are some things in life you’d just have to go for.  I’d imagine Santana would give you a pretty good time for a one night thing, too, though.      

 27. favorite fan fiction?                

Probably, Misqueue’s Scenes from a Breakup.  She really taught me the power of good fanfic. 

28. favorite headcanon?                

Hmm, this is so morbid, but the strongest one that comes to mind is that they both live to old age, but Blaine is the one who dies first, and Kurt’s kind of unbarable to be around afterwards, and I once wrote a tiny thing about this - how Kurt would get into fits and be nearly intolerable, but the seasoned nurses ask him to talk about Blaine, and it calms him down.  

29. favorite person that has guest starred on glee?

Hmmm, based on their characters - Matt Bomer, Adam Lambert, or Sarah Jessica Parker. Oh and Katey Segal.  I’m so sad that they didn’t bring her back. 

30. favorite minor character?                

I have a deep appreciate for Stoner Brett.  Also Lord Tubbington

31. what character annoys you the most?    

Ken Tanaka, uapoweifjodsifjeaw;oifh yuk. Also up there is Sandy Ryerson and JBI.             

32. what surprised you the most? 

I’m not sure what you mean??  Mostly that I’ve grown used to the idea of Blaine and Karofsky enough that I don’t hate it and I get why it was a thing.                 

33. which character resembles you the most?                

Thought processing wise - Kurt.  Though emotionally, maybe a bit of Blaine and Mercedes.  

34. which character are you most connected to?

Kurt                

35. 5 favorite quotes?

oh - god, i’m bad at remembering things off the top of my head -- 

My favorite one is: “let me autocorrect that for you.  Lima doesn’t have a zoo, why’d we think it did?” the delivery on that is the best.  

also the one where Jane Lynch goes on about giving Will a cat and punching him in the face.  

And the Kurt line about answering the phone saying ‘she’s dead’.                 

36. an unpopular opinion you have about this show?             

Oh, I have so many... mostly, season 2 isn’t as good as people claim it is, and season 6 is much better than people claim it is.    

 37. plot point you would've wanted to change, and how would you change it?   

The biggest one for me is adding in a catalyst to Kurt’s story to head back to Blaine.  Not so much change, but add to the already existing story.  

I’d also get rid of the whole Shelby/Puck thing all together.  Did not need to be a thing.   

(Where are questions 38-39??)

40. what will you miss the most?               

The week to week-ness of having discussions with people.   

41. top 10 favorite songs each season? 

Wow - this is a big question, time to get the iphone out... 

Season 1: 

Don’t Stop Believin’ (Pilot version) 

Defying Gravity (Kurt version) 

My Life Would Suck Without You

Run Joey Run (for comedic reasons)

Rose’s Turn

I Dreamed a Dream

Bad Romance

Bohemian Rhapsody

Don’t Stop Believin’ (Journey version) 

Over the Rainbow              

Season 2: 

I Want to Hold Your Hand

Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy

Teenage Dream

Forget You (Don’t ask - I love it) 

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Misery

Blackbird

Raise Your Glass

Loser Like Me

As If We Never Said Goodbye

Season 3: 

Something’s Coming

Last Friday Night

Hit Me With Your Best Shot/One Way or Another

Perfect

We Are Young

I Will Always Love You

Love Shack

How Will I Know

I Have Nothing

Not the Boy Next Door

Season 4: 

Call Me Maybe

It’s Time

Teenage Dream (Acoustic) 

The Scientist

Dark Side

Being Alive

This is the New Year

Just Can’t Get Enough

Come What May

Mamma Mia

Season 5: 

All You Need is Love

Make You Feel My Love

Hold On

Defying Gravity 

Loser Like Me

Don’t Stop Believin’

Rockstar

Pumpin’ Blood

All of Me

Pompeii

Season 6: 

Home

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow/Head Over Feet

Somebody Loves You

At Last

Listen To Your Heart

Popular

Some Day We’ll Be Together

Daydream Believer

This Time

I Lived

42. favorite new directions group cover?                

I mean, Don’t Stop Believin’ is the ultimate classic - but I have a strong appreciation for Hold On. 

43. favorite warbler cover?                

Oh, god, Teenage Dream probably? But then Raise Your Glass

44. favorite vocal adrenaline cover?                

Bohemian Rhapsody - nothing else really comes close. 

46. favorite celebrity judge?                

The Nun who used to be a stripper.  

47. someone you would've liked to see guest star on the show.                

Julie Andrews as Kurt’s grandmother.  

48. favorite tribute episode?                

The Beatles and Whitney Houston

49. what episode made you cry the most?                

The Break Up - partly cause of the music, and partly because of the circumstances of fandom around that time :P 

50  what episode made you laugh the most?

This show was a comedy?  (I’ll have to think about it and get back to you)