#bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad
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The way I was grinning ear to ear reading this chapter (EXCEPT FOR THE SOBBING PART HOW DARE YOU)
This chapter was very Violet (black cat gf) x Xaden(doberman bf) coded, sleepy cat gf being guarded by her scary dog boyfriend
X will shirk their duties for as long as he needs to, who cares if they have a country to run, his wife needs good food and sleep!!!!
"Xaden loomed over her shoulder"
I can tell I'm already going to love reading this bit OVER and OVER again
“You go or I go.”
“You fight dirty,” he murmured.
I already know this is going to be a repeat offense between V and X -- consequences of your actions indeed Xaden
Liam held her even tighter. “It’s my honor,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to her hair. “To be your friend. To be your guard. To know you. I would do it all over again, Vi.”
absolutely sobbed when Liam started to cry bc Vi was crying 😭 (be ready to hear from my therapist). In this house, men cry and its healthy!!!!
Platonic squad naps/cuddling 😭 😭 😭 someone give Ridoc and Rhi an award bc I love them so much (sawyer too but he was w/ jesnia sooo)
THE HUG!! THE HUG!!!! and Xaden's hand always going to her hair
I swear Alli, if Xaden gets tortured... idk what I'd do. I'd probably eat it up bc Violet would literally rip ppl in half to get to her husband
Xaden feels so much more open with his emotions (smiling and laughing 😭) around violet and im here for it
“It’s an unlocking rune
I'm so glad he tells her these things instead of leaving her in the dark like in canon (looking at you RY)
The potential and TENSION between Felix and Devera 👀👀👀
questions:
Why hasn't Mira slept 😭 also when/will we see Mira vs Brennan?
OMG WAIT - if the trade deal is off with Navarre... does that mean they have to make a deal with Teacurus??? Or does Mama Sorrengail come in clutch
Xaden literally does not CARE. Violet needs a nap so Violet gets a nap. End of story.
Their height difference makes his looming so much funnier because I imagine she maybe reaches his shoulder so he doesn’t even have to try to move or do anything out of the ordinary to glare at people over the top of her head. And Violet will absolutely be using his overprotectiveness to her advantage. Xaden needs to do something but won’t? Oh well she’s queen, she can just go! (Or not.)
The platonic nap!! I’ve had that scene in my head for so long 😭
It took 200k words but they HUGGED. Everyone clap. Also yeah Xaden takes every excuse he can get to touch Violet’s hair and she will have to call him out on that eventually.
Idk I can’t remember if Felix and Devera even so much as looked at each other in canon but I don’t care there’s potential. They would be so badass together.
Mira’s stressed as fuck and having a lot of emotions about life so sleep is evading her. Mira/Brennan showdown hopefully next chapter?? I promise you she’s not calm, she is vibrating with rage but holding it in for Violet’s sake.
Re: trade deals will be answered soon!!!
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hello ari i am gently bonking your head with mine hehehe this is how we exchange ideas ok..... now that i've heard abt arisugu n arigojo first meetings.... i do need to know abt arikenny's first interaction now!!!!! and and and.... is.... is arishoko also a thing.... bc i think she would absolutely love you too like holy fuck you guys would work so well i feel like!!!!!!!!!!! why'd i immediately think of a first meeting that's like a little clumsy and cute?? like smth along the lines of you just bumping into her in like a coffee shop???? and you'd apologize over the shoulder and then she's just staring at you with that little devious smile of hers???? hehehe idk i feel like this could be canon ok anyway ily don't stay up too late my love!!!! mwah<3 - @teddybeartoji
HELLO MICKEY :33 this is us rn
okay so !!! i thought a Lot abt this one….. arishoko n arikenny are definitely the ones that r the least. Clear. in my mind. bUT i love them very dearly so!!!! we’ll see if i can make this cohesive 😭
FIRST OF ALLLL arishoko :33 it’s very very much a Thing honestly i think that. realistically. out of all four options shoko is the one i’d get together w irl… she’s just very much my type n i think i could charm her w my silly ways !!!!! but yes …..
OKAY SO I THINK. that. you’re absolutely right….. it’s a lot more soft n sweet than some of the other ones 😭 THE CAFE IDEA IS SOOOO CUTE cafe dates would be our standard for sure…… BUT I FEEL LIKE. we would meet. at a Bar. i don’t drink so i’d probably just be there accompanying a friend and i’m hating every second of it bc :// there r ppl around :/// the music is kinda loud and the lighting hurts my eyes :////// i’m just suffering and trying to read my lil book while my friends are dancing in the corner and ohhhh would you look at that…… a pretty girl is sitting rlly close to me…………. and i’m trying to subtly stare at her bc i’m enamored and. i think. she catches me in the act and i get flusteredPBDKDBDJD you get the vibes. i’m normal abt her.
so she strikes up a conversation …….. for SURE teases me abt coming to a bar just to read my gay little book and order sweet non-alcoholic drinks smh (may or may not make a throwaway comment abt how she has a friend who’s just like that… i’m forever thinking abt her calling gojo a big kid in one of the light novels bc she had to find a bar that sells non-alcoholic drinks for him LMAOO)…. and i am just. a little smitten. this is 100% an ari falls first kind of scenario i can’t resist the allure of a super pretty mysterious woman !!! :((((( and then i think she recommends a bar . that’s a lot more chill. that she likes. and she kinda just coaxes me into dating her i think 😭😭 i doooo see it as a slowburn but not nearly as much as the others shoko has me wrapped around her finger 💔💔
OH ANDDDD i should mention that i thought more abt the Lore both for arishoko and arigojo and!!!! i think that i’d probably be a non-sorcerer in both…. bc i think satoshoko in particular would rlly benefit from that ?? likeee shoko just meets someone outside of the school / jujutsu society and it’s just. a kind of normalcy that she doesn’t usually have!!! one that she finds rlly precious!!!! :((( and it’s the same w gojo but even worse bc i think he Craves normalcy. shoko already has canonical ties to non-sorcerers but gojo is kinda stuck in the jujutsu world so :’3 i feel like he’d meet a rando and just. fall for them very hard. they don’t know who he is, they don’t know he’s the strongest. to them he’s just. a Guy. and i think he loves that a lot. i’m just their Just Some Guy <333333 i think they’d both be reallyyyy adamant on Not getting me involved in their world at all. gojo introduces me to the students and shoko (begrudingly) introduces me to gojo when he crashes our date (😔) but it’s like. they’re protective … yk ……
…… this is already rlly long T—T BUT THE TRAIN NEVER STOPS i need to let it run its course…….
with that being said !!!! arikenny. the Forbidden selfship. the deranged version of arisugu. where do i even begin w this man….
honestly . this one is… yeah . i imagine it as an established relationship (<- very vaguely) bc it’s hard to picture Anyone capturing kenny’s attention w/o being reallyyyyy special 😭😭 which is why i have less thoughts on the Lore and more on the dynamic itself!!! but ummmm . i can picture us meeting in a coffee shop…. there’s this old wip i have where reader spots him sitting in a corner and eventually they start talking. abt the books they’re reading. nothing much just kenny picking their brain a little and yapping just to yap….. so i could picture it being kinda like that!! maybe i capture his attention somehow? 😭 it only really makes sense if i happen to be beneficial to his plan or something…? BUUT again i’m not super interested in the lore for this one!!!! so i’ll just talk a lil abt the dynamic hehe.
i just think. kenny is a freak. i’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure him out when it comes to x reader stuff bc i think his love is very unorthodox 😭 he’s just so detached yk?? buuut i think he can be very silly and affectionate in his own way :3 i fear he’s a Mother and a Father in one. in the worst of ways…. i could only picture him being in an Actual relationship w someone he views as his equal, but i don’t know if . that could ever apply to me LMAO. so if anything i think it’s similar to moji in that….. he just. finds a puppy in the pouring rain and brings it home. bc it’s kinda silly and good company. so maybe he does see me a little like. a Pet. kind of . I DOOO WANT TO SAY HE CARES FOR ME BUT. yk… he really wasn’t built for selfshipping. he’s a weirdo!! but i think it’s love at first sight for me…. i’m weak for milfs i fear 💔💔 and i think he does develop some kind of soft spot eventually :3 we’re. roommates. roommates who play board games and sleep in each others’ lap. roommates who kiss. i’d like to kiss his brain. WHO SAID THAT…
ok that was a big big ramble but !!!!! standard arimickey interaction let’s be real. it’s funny bc arishoko is so grounded somehow and arikenny is 💀💀 the way it is. i guess it’s sort of like a god/devout believer pairing … but without. the religious aspect. i think there’s very much a power dynamic involved this bitch is ANCIENT….. anyway that’s all tysm for reading my lovely sunflower baby <33333 i hope !! you’re having a nice day!!! ilyvm!!!!
#i saw. you make a post abt the movie i think 👀 so im assuming it was super duper good#IM VERY HAPPY FOR U <3333 i checked and theyre showing it at my cinema rn!!! will def check it out when i get the chance :3#ty for indulging my silly little selfships <3 arikenny does make me very insane even though it’s. the weirdest one..#ive said it before and ill say it again!!! single moms r allowed to do whatever. if she asks me to bark i will i’m loyal ‼️‼️#(if u listen closely u can hear my sanity slipping away)#ily soooo much <33333 sending you my coziest fluffiest vibes :3#ask tag ✩#mickey !! ✩
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Why did they create such a useless character to show Cinder's backstory when Salem is literally right there AND the real question the audience wants answered???
Imagine if it had been Salem who stayed at the hotel and saw something of herself in the scrappy servant girl. She saw how the Madame treated little Cinder and offered a way out only if Cinder has the power to be useful to her. Maybe she put Cinder to a test of how far she was willing to go for freedom, or maybe Salem wanted something from the Madame that she wouldn't give so it was up to Cinder to provide
Either way, Salem gets a young disciple that's ruthlessly ambitious and easy to manipulate and Cinder gains the illusion of freedom under a new master
#rwde#ofc salem wouldnt be grimmified in this version bc she'd stand out too much to do under the table shit#or she still could be but the world actually looks like an anime like it did in the beacon days#v4 on is far too grounded in reality design-wise#where the hell are the folks w wild ass hair colors and styles?? the most we get is joannas green but she says like 10 words so who cares#tis some bullshit and why i refuse to call v4+ rwby an anime#anyway this was somehow prompted by me comparing vergil to cinderella#as you can see i am Completely Normal tm#ngl tho vergil is a better cinderella if instead of riches-rags-riches its power-powerless-power#cinder starts at the bottom so her baseline mentality is way off if you want to do a cinderella remake#rags to riches is abt underdogs clawing up the social ladder against all odds#but riches rags riches is abt reclaiming what was yours#if we use cinders random disdain towards schnees in v8 as inspiration we could have a story of rival businesses#cinders father gets booted from power/high society thanks to Jacques's maybe legal maybe not methods and meddling#could go several ways from there:#her father could die and she'd be left homeless and alone in the cruel underbelly of the wealthy and powerful#she could find work w the Madame and try to endure the abuse so she and her father can pay the bills#her father could straight up sell her to the madame#itd be a horrific way to learn the significance of power and how easily it can be taken#i wanna like cinder so bad but v5 on fucked her irreparably. she doesnt even dress well anymore ffs
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kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it
#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you#youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying#and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away#like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right?#like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine#peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that#in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids#by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to#which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering#things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much#idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it#like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch#so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling#like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right?#and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression#bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad#and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn#so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference#idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough#just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more
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Been seeing all the discussion about Tubbo being Em’s parents and…. 😬
It’s like we get a girl egg with all moms and it’s now feels like people are saying “she needs a dad!!” because a male is treating her like family…
I’m all for Tubbo being family to Empanada but being her dad?? It feels a lot like there are some misogynistic undertones there. Like family is not just parents it can be literally anything, same way Pepito has Foolish being grandma. Tubbo can have the same and be family in some way to Em.
But it’s like we have an all girl family but because the egg is interacting with others, people are inserting the males into it(the parent dynamic). Which just reads wrong when a majority of the island is male relationships and prominent male families where the girls are mainly just aunts to the children.
Have your headcannons but don’t try to insert them into the canon with your posts especially when a majority of the server relationships are male prominent.
#qsmp neg#qsmp discourse#just can we not have something for the girls?? also it feels even more weird when you do say that and people say well Tubbo’s gay anyway-#which how does that have anything to do with it??? like all for being strong family as in tio or smth like that#but pushing the hc of a gay dad in an all girl family feels like it has undertones i dont want to unpack rn#im not going to stop yall from having your headcanons but like take a step back and look at what the situation is and then think#also this literally happened when jaiden and roier were treating tilin and flippa like their children some people weren’t happy but not -#many weren’t watching multiple streams at the time so they’re wasn’t many complaining but its happened before#also happened a bit when bagi became richas mom#the only difference with those relationships where that the eggs choose and agreeds for them to be their parents#also it’s like yes we would love to see her parents log in more but literally they are all busy people and weren’t always incredibly active-#on the server apart from bagi which is smth the admins probably should have thought about if the new eggs were going to be taken care of#yes let em have her family and her lore but also let us have our female mums rep bc there is so little of it in qsmp#but calm down about em lore bc yall think its the most important thing out there when a whole losd of the eggs rarely have lore esp old eggs
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a fellow english major, really happy to see someone who's proud of their degree <3
you know that "no love, no matter how brief, is wasted" line? i think the same applies for knowledge too - no matter how useless it may seem, knowledge acquired is never in vain.
#honestly like. idk what your age is but when i was attending uni i kept getting told that i shouldve gone for IT. because the future#- and the money - is there.#now look at the IT companies. the whole thing is crumbling#not to mention the arrogance. that IT degree didnt make you immune to the same old scam tactics did it. how are your nfts doing btw#honestly i never really expected it myself that a humanities degree would prove useful in a daily life type of way#like. sure i knew it wasnt useless but still. its entirely different to experience it in real time yknow#and the whole new wave ''it isnt that deep'' trend is honestly pretty dangerous bc there usually IS something deeper.#a narrative an agenda a propaganda etc.... or simply just capitalist greed#so its needed to read between the lines and see what the point/intention really is#- and thats what literary and other art analysis is making you do! it makes you stop and think#this is all not even mentioning all the political historical and cultural stuff we learned about all the anglo-saxon countries#which all prove to be pretty useful in light of recent events......#so yeah. anyway. dont listen to all those who say its useless (and theres a lot of those even among the ones who chose this major too)#its clearly not. but even if it were it wouldnt matter ehat they think#(i do wish tho that i couldve attended it already on the right meds bc i feel like i forgot A Lot bc of my mental state at the time#but oh well. what can you do)#thank you for the ask it was really nice of you 💞💞💞#ask#anon
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sometimes homestuck theory posts are like "the blood aspect is intrinsically linked to having red blood and the rage aspect purple! theres somethng fishy about dammek and xefros" like along the lines of fully forgetting we have 1 and a half examples for every troll blood color
#this is mostly about limebloods sorry the limeblood info we know is so vague and not anything at all#if marvus is a lime ill bite my dick off but i dont even think hes gonna be relevant anymore#and i dont think he was so. um. lime coded that you can say it as a true fact#we have more limes than i can imagine but theyre karkat (mutant) kankri (that and barely a character) that one fantroll (has about 4 lines)#fiamet (we dont know her at all) and not callie. bc shes not a troll#on that note i will never ever get behind the idea that limebloods can even be associated with white hair#'well she knew about limebloods' youre one step away from saying all violets have a violet streak but cronus and credea dyed theirs#and it had nothing to do with eridan being a 13 year old having fun#even if callies oc doesnt have dyed hair or whatever that STILLL doesnt make it exclusive to limes!!!!!!!!!!!#weve seen 0 other trolls with white hair. we cant draw ANY conclusions from one troll i just think. thats silly!!#especially when there are 4 real living trolls who dont show any signs of sharing that trait#god. i hate that#sorry have fun. limeblood theories tend to be so bad they really piss me off#but i mean its not real. whatever#simons spouting
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i’m making huge generalizations here but idk i feel so much more comfortable just existing around trans (and some gnc) people than i do with people who are cis (and gender conforming) bc of the way we view our - and other peoples bodies. i hear trans people talk about bodies with so much love and adoration. like sure hating your body is a big thing for most trans people but most of us also learn to accept what we look like. and the acceptance often turns to genuinely liking yourself. especially if you make changes you want to to your body. it’s just. idk i feel like only a trans person could see my body for what it is
#ive seen a lot of trans art recently and its all been so lovingly made and with clear adoration towards bodies that look like yours#idk im not very eloquent and theres a lot more nuance to this entire thing#but like. i personally love my body like yea i have parts im insecure about we all do but also i have been able to choose to do things to m#body that make me happy! and i dont just mean surgery and hrt bc thats not for anyone but also choosing to do whatever the hell i want to#with my hair and getting piercings and dressing in a way that feels good#i know being able to dress etc the way you want to is a privilege#and im so grateful for it#i can't believe there was a time when i wasnt allowed to cut my hair or wear boy clothes and i had to dress up as a girl#and got constantly reminded of being a failure of femininity etc. and now that i dont talk to my mom anymore im so free#i can exist in my body and i actually feel like my body is mine and not there just for show if that makes sense#like i look in the mirror and go that me!#and also like seeing myself like that has obviously made me appreciate others bodies as well#bc when you have for a long time always payed attention to the positives of a certain thing you start noticing positives more!#just like how idk going for a walk and finding 5 nice things you appreciate or looking#in the mirror and listing things you like about yourself#out loud. even if you feel uncomfortable#it helps#can you believe you're happier when you fall a bit in love with everything around you#there are so many wonderful things on this earth and you have to condition yourself to notice them and its hard work that never stops#but it is so worth it#i have lost the plot of my post#leevi talks#anyways i love how trans people love bodies
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see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place
#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd#but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well#just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well#which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out#which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore#its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi#see the other thing is#if i talk about my mental health at all#people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint#or feel sorry for me which i also dont want#all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all#like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff#i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly#im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares#i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to#and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one#they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored#im losing my mind steadily#and thats not even onto the physical problems#but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying#‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket#if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your#fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces#sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues#but then i talk to other women and it is#it just doesnt make sense and i hate it#but i never rly got help on private insurance either so#tbd#depression cw
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tears of the kingdom could have been so good if it were built around like, its story or its characters instead of being a clunky shell to show off the mechanic no one asked for that it forces you to use
#*#text#totk#mechanics#i had fun scuttling around in the depths for a while but that got old eventually. for obvious reasons#what i liked about zelda games was always the atmosphere and character interactions#like. one of my favorite games is twilight princess. which is. deeply unserious in many ways#bit it COMMITTED to its setting and what the writers went ham making sure#that it was still full of whimsy and affection.#totk doesn't have that. the characters are all 1) instruction manuals or 2) vehicles for what small and disparate semblances of plot#survived whatever disaster must have happened in development that made them cannibalize several different ideas#and stick them into the shell for the fucking. arm#totk plays like a gallery or again just an engine for the building thing.#it's pretty. the music is good. the building thing is well made. but as a zelda game totk Fucking Tanks#i HATE overinvolved mechanics. i HATE having to stop and rely on a Whole Process that i have to keep stocked#to get anything done. i've always liked loz again bc of characters and whimsy but also bc it's always been mechanically vert streamlined#and accessible to someone like me who is disabled and finds fiddling EXTREMELY tedious#you have one required tool per dungeon and they're QUICK they're SIMPLE they're A GOOD TIME#totk. to me. is just clunky and has no redeeming qualities outside of again being pretty and still sort of nominally letting you run around#collecting things. some of the side quests were cute. but even then the characters were very.#THE THING ABOUT ZELDA GAMES IS THAT IM used TO THEM BEING ABOUT. NOT JUST THE FUNCTION!!!!!!#there were things— many of them! sometimes most of them even!!!— there just for fun. again almost especially The Characters#totk is so goddamn UTILITARIAN on all levels ITS. CLUNKY and BORING i don't WANT to have to do 30 things just so i can do something else.#hey nintendo. if you have to force people to play your game. like if you specifically have an ''open'' game and then subsequently have to#manufacturer MANY blocks and caveats to the idea of ''do whatever have fun!!'' so that it's''but only how WE want you to''. maybe thats bad.#maybe you've done a bad job. if again. you have to FORCE players to go about things in the way and order that you want. it's no fun.#like even zelda games where you have less options and linear progression feel less restrictive bc like. they don't fucking punish you.#for. playing the game. you just can't do things. totk really punishes you for going off script. which like. why even do that.#anyway. this is all probably incoherent. i'm right tho.#wow there are so many typos. pretend there are not <3
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i got the cutscene <3
#its actually crazy that there was even more content i missed that impacted the story this much#like this rlly illustrated how even tho my character and astari0n have both become better people astari0n is still so behind in that#(we know why ofc. hes still acting like a feral cat trying to self preservere with teeth and nail and all until the very end; the ritual)#my character had his most obvious 'shifting point' at the transition from act 2 to act 3#like he fully realized that this is now truly bigger than himself. he has left marks on the lands and he has to go all the way#he has made true friends. one of his best friends is the kindest most compassionate person in the world#and very importantly he loves astari0n and THAT is the reason he now feels this actual compassion towards the other spawn#hes so personally invested in this issue now#and he can say that 'the world can be a wonderful place if you find your home in it astari0n' bc its something he has just recently had#a personal revelation abt#and astari0n deflects it and describes my character as someone who now 'spends their life sorting out other peoples problems'#and it rlly brings it to focus that he just cannot meet him where hes at anymore#just great conflict that feels actually meaningful and perfectly fits into the roleplay storyline ive made for my character#and omg the line 'im doing this for you too you know. to make sure were both safe. forever' from astari0n is just AAAAAAHDJJDJD. CRAZY#bc we know how toxic he becomes towards you if he completes the ritual!!!!!!#HHHHH this character!!!!! hes just MWAH. perfection#i cant wait until i get to doing the szarr palace again bc this added conflict will make the conclusion of this quest even more satisfying#anyway TOTAL tonal shift time. in start of the cutscene astari0n is standing next to the bed my character was sleeping in#so i can now have the hc that some nights they sleep in the same bed <3#(WELL. you know. my character sleeps while he meditates)
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I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse
#marquilla#im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's#gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a#dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you#incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and#theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future#and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to#be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS#so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff#bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist#s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with#the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit#like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and#that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man#i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully#but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL#affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.
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sometimes disability aids are things you would expect them to be, sometimes its a collective giving-in & soliciting the help of a professional organizer to tackle the massive piles of Stuff crowding the house.
#this has gone on for multiple years as a result of having to unearth the entire basement after the water tank flooded#none of us were able to do anything about it even though we all know we needed to/really fucking wanted to#over two days we've made SUCH a dent in the work. my god. & tbh most of it really does just seem to stem from having another party here#who can delegate tasks and not get stuck like we do. im actually very good at doing things its the decision making that kills me.#12 hours of cleaning no breaks yes i am tired but it didnt even feel like i was working that long tbh#back to it on wednesday probably#also we're getting Shelves to replace the ones that the contractors tore out but never rebuilt so stuff WILL have a spot#god im tired lmao#but yeah if this is a struggle area for you & you can budget for it i cant recommend it enough#we actually dont even have as many things as i thought the post-flood boxes just werent packed well at all#(ngl im pretty sure i can also work with this woman bc she's definitely some type of nd fdghj you dont have that many texture opinions#about fabric on your skin otherwise usually fdgh)
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since i just rb'd a poll abt high school grades now's probably a good time to drop one of my many million-dollar ideas for how to run a high school classroom, which is that i think that at the start of a quarter/semester kids should be asked if they want hw to count towards their grades or not bc i was So Fucking Bad at submitting hw in high school, but my test scores were really good, so i'd rather have not had hw count towards my grades. but obviously there are a good number of kids who are either bad at taking tests or anxious abt their grades dropping and are diligent abt turning in hw, so letting hw count towards their grades would give them some padding in that situation.
#i really Do need to just maintain a doc of all my ideas for how to run a classroom#bc i've been storing some of these in my brain since i was like 12. that's a fucking decade by this point What the hell#the worm speaks#unfortunately it's probably unfeasible to Not have tests n the like count towards a grade at all#like personally as a student i do not hate testing!! as someone who enjoys gathering data / information i'm kind of obsessed w/it!!!#but i also have very strong opinions on TEST DESIGN as well as curriculum design n stuff#like tests CAN be a useful tool for measuring knowledge! if you design it right. and even then it's like. not perfect#one of my other million dollar ideas is that rather than giving out a final i'd give kids the choice to either do like#a freeform project to demonstrate their knowledge in literally Any Way They Want (foster creativity n stuff)#or! they could also just take a paper exam if they want. idk if anyone would take that option but idk.#mostly i'm just fond of the idea of giving high school students a sense of autonomy over their grades n education#like another reason why i think the 'do you want hw to count to your grades?' question should be re-asked at the start of quarters or w/e#is bc sometimes we also make mistakes! and evaluate consequences wrong. or situations change!! so they should be allowed to change things#how much would hw count for if they made it worth anything is honestly not smth i'm sure abt rn tbh#but i also know that i like. would also not even grade their hw on correctness just on completion anyway#a number of my high school teachers did that; bc the point was that we were responsible for ensuring its correctness#they all knew that kids would copy off each other and if that's how you learn. go for it!! my ap calc teacher openly acknowledged this!!!#anyway good lord i really do have limitless rants n tedtalks abt education in me lmao i need to sleebies now#so i can study for my calc quiz tmrw morning ( •̀ ω •́ )y
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anyways tired of this mean spirited ass website
#maybe im the only trans person who actually hates being reminded of my anatomy idk#its fine if a trans girl says 'you just want a penis!!' but if i say the same thing but w vagina im sure i'd get a million ppl yelling at m#hmmst.#i kinna just think we let ppl slide by w that shit toward transmascs too much. everyone else can be transphobic#towards us directly or even indirectly but if i inched anywhere near the same shit yall say suddenly its an issue#its the same shit w the fucking theyfab shit. doesnt matter if it negatively effects transmascs to some ppl at all apparently#but if i start goin around calling people femmab we'd prolly have issues huh?#can we explain this? are we just doing the whole reversing gender roles to feel woke and Not transphobic#bc its not any better just saying trans girls are the uwu ones who need to be protected and you cant make them cry instead of having that#thrust upon us- ya dont just get to reverse them and act like you're Doing something#anyways you dont get to protect trans girls from any perceived harm and then leave trans guys in the dust sorry idc#fuck off and die ig idk. or be better.#and no- obligatory: im not saying trans women oppress trans men.#if me critiquing your actions = me saying you're 'oppressing me' every time then you're#probably an insufferable person to be around anyways. but assuming good faith from some of the ppl possibly reading this#and whom i wish would assume good faith on my part as well- i do think we let trans women get away w shit that if trans men#did the same shit in reverse everyone would get in a pissy fit about it#and i dont think the solution is to let us do it too i think the solution is some of yall need to check yourselves and internalize the whol#'would you like it if someone said that to you' shit and changing things where it applies like. would you like it if i said to you that#'you just want a vagina'? probably the fuck not! so maybe fuckin check yourself and you wont lose transmasc friends.
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#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water#it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing#still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy#maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body#and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing#but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things#i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they#crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord#and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness#i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give#interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped#the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury#and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right#but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel#fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe#but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water#anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time#vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see#unrelated
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