arthur: this is leon. he is loyal to camelot. he is noble and honest and just. he has always been at my side. he is one of the best knights in camelot and-

merlin: this is gwaine, i found him in the trash.

Arthur: *runs into a glass door and knocks himself out*

Merlin: *turns around and walks away*

Leon: Isn’t that your boyfriend?

Merlin, hissing: Shh! Lower your voice!

Merlin: Kissing can burn 26 calories per minute, wanna work out with me?

Arthur, offended: Are you calling me fat???

Arthur: in light of what you did to me, you can hug me for four to five seconds

Merlin: FOURTY FIVE SECONDS?

Arthur: No! Four to five seconds

Merlin: TOO LATE

*at a tavern, all super drunk*

Arthur *stumbling*: w’at you say ‘bout me?

Random drunk guy: I said ‘your a right prat ain’t ya?’

Merlin: HEY! *staggers over to the man and glares up at him, swaying on his feet* no one calls my prat a prat

Merlin: I was thinking I'd do some magic- Arthur: You? Magic? Merlin, it says talent show.

Merlin: Do you know what Uther's problem was?

Morgana: A lack of honour?

Gwen: Rotten parenting skills?

Gwaine: A receding hairline?

arthur: old woman!

merlin: man

arthur: man, sorry, what Knight lives in that castle over there?

merlin: I'm 37

arthur: what?

merlin: I'm 37, I'm not old

Merlin (bbc) Characters As Things My Friends And I Have Said

Gwaine: I actually almost set something on fire this morning 😎 Percival: Something as in himself. Arthur: I think you just killed the rest of the braincells I had for today. Gwaine: You're only willing to jump off a cliff if you die in the process?? Elyan: Sure, it'll end before I know it. Gwaine: Change of plans, we're bungee jumping. You bring the cords I bring the snacks. Merlin: WHAT KIND OF SOCIOPATH JUST DRINKS BEAN SOUP??? Arthur: I need one of two things right now, eight hours of sleep or an ungodly amount of caffeine. Since the sleep isn’t going to happen, I better go search for some coffee. Gwaine: So now you're gonna kill me for the aesthetic? Leon: Bank tellers do voodoo? Percival: 'Cause who needs a spine, right? Gwaine: YEET THE CHILD Gwaine: I'd be willing to die if it meant someone would name a dog after me. Merlin: Steal the doggo. Arthur: How do you expect a horse to be a politician? Merlin: Idk what to eat. Gaius: I'd suggest food. Gwaine: Kill the Spanish with a sickle. Percival: The language, not the people, don't worry. We're not racist. Merlin: Coffee shouldn't be defiled by the evil that is milk and sugar. It should be pure. Stimulating. A slap in the face to wake you up. Bitter to sustain you. It shouldn't be a pleasure. It should be a privilege. Arthur: IT'S GARLANDS YOU ABSOLUTE BABBLING FOOL! Merlin: NO, IT'S BUNTING, EVERYONE SHOULD CALL THEM BUNTING! Gwaine: NO, IT'S FLAG THINGIES! Percival: GUYS, THEY'RE TRIANGLES! Gwaine: gasp You're right though. Merlin: Another one of my friends wants me to kidnap her, we have a whole trip planned. Gwen: Milk is an ingredient, not a beverage.

Wow, I was just scrolling throught pinterest and found these in the comment section

Merlin: Y'know, Arthur, if I were you I would be much nicer to servants, they have full access to all of your food and drink.

Arthur: MERlin! I'd have half a mind to have you executed for treason just for that!

Merlin: Unfortunately sire, I have it on good authority you only have a quarter. Here's your dinner, prat

the best type of soulmate fics???

oh you mean any that have this exhcnage

arthur: well my mark is a bird - as if thats supposed to hlep me narrow it down and find my soulmate :(

merlin: a bird?

arthur: yeah a falcon i think

merlin: can i see?

arthur:

arthur: sure maybe you’ll have a better chance at figuring out what it means

*shows mark*

merlin: *gasp*

arthur: what?

merlin: a bird ???

arthur: yeah??? a falcon

merlin: a merlin, dumbass

arthur:

arthur: oh

Visitor: Between you and me, your highness, I think your father is a pretentious twat.

Arthur: I'm painfully aware of that, thanks.

Visitor: So tell me, Prince Arthur, what sort of king do you wish to be when you grow up?

Merlin: Less of a pretentious twat, we all hope.

Arthur:...

Arthur: Actually that about sums it up.

Merlin: 2 years ago I married my best friend.

Merlin: Arthur is still mad about it, but Gwaine and I were drunk and thought it was hilarious.

Arthur: is something burning?

Merlin: *leaning over seductively* just my desire for you

Arthur: Merlin, the toaster is on fire

Arthur: MERLIN!

Merlin *jumping awake and falling to the floor*: ahh, what? what is it what'd I miss?

Arthur: care to explain what your doing sleeping when your supposed to be polishing my armour for the feast tonight?

Merlin: well, Gaius told me never to give up on my dreams...so I went back to sleep

Arthur: ...mErLin!