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#based on my own experience lmao

azures-bazar · 1 year

Text

What a Party

A happy (and long) one shot ! .... based on real events lol

I needed to write some happy stuff, especially considering the overall mess happening in France right now (you know, riots, overall strikes, arrogant politicians voicing their hate on common folk...) :')

I tried my best to make it short, but there were too many things to be said ! There's a part filled with some "I love you" quotes. Please excuse my mistakes, you already know about my very peculiar writing schedule... and my weird English, lol

Arthur Morgan x GenderNeutralReader

Word count : 3.5k

Short summary : Let’s be honest : you’re drunk. And Arthur, being a little less drunk than you during Sean’s return party, really hopes he can tell you how much he loves you tonight.

A/Note : Arthur’s tent has got some flaps !

Tags : chapter 2, soft, alcohol, you’re drunk, Arthur’s drunk, Sean’s return party, Arthur loves you, the ground is moving, soft, nausea, cigarette, drunk behaviour, Hosea being a dad, ring dang doo

"Got a hole in the middle, and it's split in two !"

You kept singing along with the rest of the gang, holding your whiskey bottle in your right hand and a cigarette in the other. You could not recall how many bottles you already had the opportunity to gulp down, being dragged by Sean into a drinking contest. You knew about your upcoming fate, so did he. You were supposed to be on guard duty by sunrise, which was going to be complicated considering the amount of alcohol your body had to evacuate overnight.

"And that's what ya call the ring dang doo !"

You could easily recall that the gang was not often in such a great mood. You had been a member of the Van Der Linde gang for about a decade, having been around since your mid-teens after Dutch and Hosea had found you struggling with the law following a fight you had with another kid, who happened to be a sheriff’s son. Hosea had used his scamming skills to pretend you were his child and that he had been looking around the area after you ran away following a minor dispute. The sheriff believed that story well enough, and this event marked your official induction into the gang.

In ten years, you had seen the gang’s ups and downs. You had witnessed Arthur grieving his son, Bessie Matthews’ passing, the arrival and death of new members, the birth of the very first gang’s child, John’s departure and return a little less than a year later… and you took part to the Blackwater incident. Arthur had begged Dutch not to let you participate to it, wanting to take your place instead, believing things were not going to go according to his plan. Indeed, Morgan was right, and you left Blackwater with numerous wounds on your arms and a rather tiny hole on your calf after being shot multiple times.

You and Arthur were close, very close. Ever since a few months, to say the least. Anyone could easily tell he had a soft spot for you prior the Blackwater ferry heist, even you could notice how different he was when you were around. Arthur was good at hiding his feelings behind a rather stern and grumpy face, often looking away whenever your eyes would meet his, turning shades darker each time he would be greeted with a smile. Neither you nor him had ever made a first move towards the other, which was frustrating to the eyes of the girls who openly voiced their discontent.

"These two are made for each other and won’t even talk !" Karen often sighed

"Isn’t that romantic ? Two souls, so in love… yet unable to communicate !" Mary-Beth would smile

"It ain’t romantic, it’s stupid."

And despite not openly voicing your feelings, Arthur was very good at making you feel adored. Your tent was right next to his, he would often bring you some coffee in the morning, share a meal with you, discuss about arts, landscapes and plants before moving forward. Such a brawny and menacing-looking man talking about the beauty of some flowers never ceased to surprise you ! As Hosea would often say : Arthur was not as dumb as he looked, hiding a high intelligence, often being taken for an idiot by many people. His low self-esteem was the main reason why he never openly showed how smart he was, and how much he cared about you. He was too shy and not confident enough to move forwards, but could easily talk about everything he liked with you without having the feeling of being looked down as a random intimidating outlaw with no brains.

He had awkwardly brought you a bouquet one day after collecting a few flowers nearby, hiding it behind his back while his face was as red as a tomato, stuttering a few words you could barely understand due to his heavy Southern accent and low voice. After he gave you that bouquet, Arthur proceeded retrieving to his tent and hide his red face behind his hands while you kept his gift in a vase near your cot, humming the scent of these flowers for days while the girls had clapped his move.

"One big step forward !" Tilly had exclaimed

That night, everything was possible, every door was opened for you to make a first move towards Arthur. You were drunk, laughing, dancing, displaying a rather eccentric side to the rest of the gang which had undoubtedly caught Morgan’s eye as he had stopped drinking his beer while sitting at the table with Bill and John to look at you. He watched Uncle wrap his arm around your shoulders as you sang with him louder and louder, believing you would loose your voice at some point. But you kept singing, not even bothering about what was going on around you, enjoying the moment as you somewhat believed it would not last long enough.

Hosea had tried dissuading you from drinking so much, using his fatherly tone to refrain you… but you did not care about his warnings. You were aware of the consequences of your sudden desire to drink this much, knowing about your upcoming state early in the morning when you would have to patrol around the hideout with your riffle while enduring a rather heavy headache and an endless nausea. It was not your first time being drunk and certainly not be the last. Sean was back ! How many drinking contests you were about to have together ! Hosea was already excepting the worst to happen to you, knowing that being drunk was quick to make you unleash your child-self, and nobody wanted to have two children doing a drinking contest.

"Easy, Y/N !" he sighed, looking at you gulping down your whiskey. "Leave some for the rest of us !"

"Don't worry, old man !" you smiled.

Dutch had switched his gramophone on, you spotted him dancing with Molly while Arthur danced with Mary-Beth, chuckling a little, glancing at you whenever he had the chance. He could easily tell that making you stand up would not be an excellent idea, watching you gulp down another beer after cheering with Karen who sang on Sean’s lap. Arthur’s vision was getting a little blurry with time, he also had drank too much. A little less than you did, but enough for him to have some serious issues walking straight from a tent to another. Mary-Beth left him to get a drink with Tilly, Arthur approached you and smiled.

"Ain’t that a nice nighty night !" he exclaimed, placing his large hands on your shoulders

"Damn, Morgan’s already drunk !" Uncle exclaimed

"Nah, I ain’t drunk !"

"Yes you are !"

"I ain’t drunk, you old fool !"

Your vision was so blurry, you would loose balance even while sitting down ! Your hand instinctively reached his, causing Karen to clap her hands and Pearson to smile. Neither you nor Arthur would have done something like this being sober !

"Alright, maybe a lil’ tipsy." Arthur laughed

"Good lord..." Hosea sighed, leaving his seat

On occasions, you would only touch each other when you were stitching up your wounds. One day, your hand had accidentally brushed Arthur’s, which caused him to awkwardly smile and stay petrified for a minute before hiding in his tent. He had wrote a three pages long journal entry, expressing how sweet the tip of your fingers felt on his skin, how unexpected it was, and how much he would have wanted to catch your hand at that time, but was too shy to try it. A third of Arthur’s journal was filled with entries about you… and you would probably never get to read them as he always kept his sketchbook to close.

"Well, ain’t that a great move !" Karen exclaimed

"We’re literally doing nothin’." Arthur grumbled while unconsciously massaging your shoulders as you let out a loud moan escape your lips

"No, you really ain’t !" John shouted from the poker table

"We ain’t doing nothin’ !" you answered. "We ain’t !… Keep goin’, Arthur…"

"Sure thing, Y/N."

The sound of Javier’s guitar mixed with Dutch’s gramophone and the gang singing old ballads created a very peculiar symphony you enjoyed, singing to yourself while looking up and down, still holding onto Arthur’s hand. You could hear him sing above your head, mumbling a few words whenever the lyrics were unknown to him. You laughed so often, nearly crying at Sean’s jokes, unable to keep breathing at times. This moment was a fine one, especially knowing that Arthur was standing behind you.

At some point, Morgan helped you up to make you walk a little around camp, feeling the need to take you away from the others. Despite being drunk himself, Arthur still appeared to be self-conscious and was aware of the surroundings, knowing that not everyone was going to celebrate Sean’s return, that some of you were on guard duty and others, like little Jack and Abigail, for instance, were already asleep. While you were singing and, unfortunately, ended up throwing up a few feet away from Kieran’s sleeping spot, Arthur would be looking around, gently patting your back. The worst was probably the fact that you regretted nothing.

"You’re alright there ?" he chuckled

"Nah, I ain’t alright !"

"You’ll be alright, then !"

You sighed at Arthur’s sarcastic answer. It took you a few seconds to calm yourself down and stand up again, Arthur firmly held you by the shoulders in order to keep you on your feet. Your balance was weak, and Morgan’s one was certainly not any better as you would zigzag while making your way back to camp after straying away. Your common drunkenness did not make you notice that Dutch was supervising the two of you from his tent and had dragged Hosea into this rather peculiar activity. They kept judging Arthur’s overall behaviour, finding it a little too childish, especially knowing who Arthur was and what his tasks usually were. Collecting debts, robbing shops and banks, sometimes beating people up… the list was longer than that, indeed.

"Remind me how old Arthur is, Hosea…" Dutch muttered, smoking his cigar

"Thirty-six." Hosea sighed. "Our boy’s thirty-six."

They watched you making your way back to the poker table to join John and Bill who were probably as drunk as you were. You could not sit down, clinging onto Arthur’s shirt as he calmly tried pushing you to one of the barrels for you to rest your legs a little. Morgan’s vision was a little less blurry than yours, and your wellbeing had to be put before his. He was aware of how drunk the two of you were and was not going to miss the opportunity to openly show his love to you !

"Nah, can’t sit down !" you said, looking at the ground who was literally moving like a river. "The ground’s movin’ !"

"The ground’s movin’ ?" Arthur chuckled, suddenly looking down. "Holly shit, John, Bill !"

"What ?" John wheezed, tilting his head

"You ain’t gonna believe it, but the ground’s movin’ !"

"Movin’ ?" Bill’s eyes widened. "You sure ?"

While looking down, Bill fell from his seat and bursted out laughing, unable to get up anymore. Hosea grumbled as Arthur grabbed you by the waist in order to lead you to the domino table for you to get some quiet… but your destination was quite unsure. The two of you kept tripping, you laughed loudly enough. Wild animals were probably running away from your location at the moment. As you passed by Jack and Abigail’s tent, Arthur grabbed your arm and rubbed it, chuckling like a mischievous child, placing his finger before his smiling mouth.

"Shhhhhhh !"

"Aye ! Shhhhhhh !" you responded, mimicking him

Arthur grabbed your hand as you tiptoed towards the back of Pearson’s wagon, grabbing a beer and drinking it together before leading you to the domino table on which you decided to sit, kicking your legs back and forth. Arthur moved a little forward, placing his hands on your thighs. Despite your blurry vision, you could easily tell Arthur was giving you his absolutely adorable puppy look, along with a charming smile. He was certainly about to ask you something… or was going to faint due to his overall state of drunkenness. His face said it all.

"Hey, Y/N." he sheepishly said

"Yeah ?"

"Can… can I steal a kiss...?"

"Been waiting for that for so long ! Sure you c…-"

You had no time to finish your sentence, Arthur bent and dropped a sweet but quick kiss on your lips, stepping back a little. He had done it ! He had finally moved forward and kissed you ! What an exploit for such a shy and not confident man ! Arthur felt butterflies flying in his belly, he was turning shades darker just by looking at you. You were so amazing, so gorgeous, so sweet ! He wanted to cup your adorable face in his hands and cover it with kisses, but his rational side was still in control and forbid him making another step forward.

"Wait." you whimpered, somewhat unhappy about such a short kiss

You did not allow him to step further away, forcing him to bend one more time by holding him by the collar. You were seeing him twice, unable to understand where you had to look in order to return his kiss. Your heart was melting, and in no way could you just stay here doing nothing ! You had waited for so long for Arthur to make such a huge step forward and, despite the condition you both were in, drunk but somewhat conscious about your actions, you were not able to let go of him. You did, however, notice that Sean and Karen were standing somewhere near you.

"I love you…" Arthur desperately mumbled, feeling a sudden freedom invade him. "I love you ! I love you !"

"So do I, Arthur…! I love you too ! So much, so bloody much !"

"I love you ! I love you ! And I’ll repeat it ’til the end ‘cause tomorrow I’ll be shy again ! I love you !"

"Oh my god, this is happening !" Tilly cheered. "Mary-Beth ! Mary-Beth ! They’re saying they love each other !"

"No way !" Mary-Beth answered, clapping her hands

At this moment, what was surrounding the two of you did not matter anymore. You had completely forgotten about the fact that you were being watched and closed your eyes. Arthur moved forwards, leading you to an incredibly passionate kiss you wanted to be endless. You were perfectly conscious about what you were doing, and were proud. Happy, and proud. You could feel Arthur’s hands move behind your back, your legs spread wide for his body to touch yours. Even Sean had stopped courting Karen for a moment to witness such a peculiar event ! You and Arthur were kissing each other !

Your bodies fused into one being, one entity. So warm, so beautiful, so sweet… something good could come out of the two of you, something amazing. Mary-Beth was right, the two of you were soulmates. You deserved each other. Your kiss was so intense, so exciting that you almost forgot about all these people watching you. Things escalated quickly as Arthur pushed you on the table to lean above you, causing Hosea to run towards your direction and separate the two of you before Arthur or yourself would start stripping down due to the overall excitement this single kiss had triggered.

"Easy there, fellers !" Hosea said, helping you standing up. "Do I need to remind you where you are ?"

"No." Arthur shook his head, holding himself onto the table. "Sorry, ‘Sea."

"You two should get some sleep. It’s getting late and Y/N’s on guard duty in the morning."

"Can I sleep with Arthur then ?" you asked with a rather childish tone

"What ?"

Arthur turned his head to you with a large smile while Hosea remained a little surprised at your sudden request. Being drunk made you loose your actual adult filter, words escaped your mouth without you being able to control them. Indeed, you never needed anyone’s approval, especially not for something as casual as sleeping in someone’s tent ! You had done this a numerous amount of times with John without even asking Dutch, but felt the need to inform Hosea about your current desire not to finish this night alone.

"Sorry, Y/N." Hosea chuckled, gently patting your shoulder. "Why do you ask ? You’re a grown adult, you don’t need my approval for that."

"Let’s take it as a yes, then." Arthur smiled. "I’ll go get the bed ready !"

"It ain’t wise. Really ain’t."

Noticing the three of you talking, Dutch came closer to you to cut out a potential argument. Hosea was shaking his head, not wanting the two of you to sleep in the same tent because of the overall noise you would potentially cause. Hosea had always been quite protective towards you, being genuinely attached to your overall personality and sweet behaviour which often led him to feel the need to watch over you, especially when things were not going well… or when you were drunk.

"Dutch !" Arthur said with the exact same childish tone you used. "Can Y/N sleep in my tent ? Hosea says it ain’t wise."

"Why the hell are you asking that ?" Dutch laughed, not hiding his surprise. "Of course they can !"

"Dutch, I don’t think that’s reasonable…" Hosea sighed, covering his face with his palm. "Y/N’s on guard duty in the morning. They’re drunk and might end up throwing up on each other all night long."

"Let those kids be, Old Girl."

Hosea rolled eyes and sighed. Leaving two drunk fools sleep in the same tent that night was probably not wise, but what could he say ? Arthur held your hand and led you to his tent, carefully closing its flaps after placing a few empty buckets underneath his bed in case of an emergency. Arthur took off your boots and suspenders, proceeding to do the same before laying down with you. there was no much space for the two of you to properly fit in, so Arthur held you close to him while you buried your head into the crook of his neck. His breath was calming, especially considering the fact that Karen and Sean were actually having fun in John’s tent at the moment. What a party !

Surprisingly enough, your night was rather quiet. You woke up with a heavy headache, calmly looking down at Arthur who was sleeping like a log. However, as soon as sensed you were no longer in bed with him, he whined and stretched a little, opening his eyes to look at you. His eyelids were heavy enough for him to grumble as he could see you struggle putting on boots on, blinded by the only ray of sunlight which passed between the tent’s flaps. Arthur rolled over a little on his cot and reached out to your hand, leading you to blush and sit near him.

"‘Bout yesterday…" you sheepishly mumbled. "I… well I…"

"I love you, Y/N… I didn’t forget anythin’… I didn’t… and I still love you…"

"I love you too. Now, get back to sleep."

You were so thankful to be able to remember what had happened last night ! Arthur smiled a little, your free hand caressed his cheek. You dropped a soft kiss on his forehead as soon as you noticed he was drifting back into sleep. You wanted to join him, burry yourself into his embrace, roll into his blanket and remain with him all day long ! You analysed Arthur’s chiseled cheekbones, his sleepy smile, his little scars, his beard. You envied his eyelashes, so long and furnished. His beautiful green orbs were moving underneath his eyelids, he was already dreaming !

"Y/N !" Javier shouted from the outside. "We’re on guard duty, come on !"

You sighed, dropping another kiss on Arthur’s forehead while replacing the blanket above his shoulders, looking at him nuzzling his head against his pillow while whining a little. How sweet he was, how angelic he looked ! You left his tent and headed to the entrance of Horseshoe Overlook, rubbing your head a numerous amount of times, struggling not to fall asleep for hours until Sean came to replace you, instructing you to drink some whiskey to calm your heavy migraine. You and Arthur often met while taking care of camp chores, smiling at each other despite your overall pain. Both of you had strong headaches almost incapacitating you, but you kept moving. What a night you had ! When the sun went down, instead of heading inside your tent, Arthur dragged you to his one again… and you could not say no.

It had taken him a few drinks to finally move forwards and tell you how much he loved you. He was not going to let go, and neither would you. What a party you had ! Your feelings were blooming, burning you from in inside, despite your increasing exhaustion. You nuzzled against Arthur’s chest after the sun went down, recalling the events of the other night with a large smile. These numerous drinks had helped you moving forward, you would not be resting into his embrace otherwise.

Oh, what a party it was, indeed.

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #gender neutral reader #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption fanfiction #rdr2 fanfic #arthur morgan fanfiction #azurestales #my gifs #drunk arthur morgan #hosea matthews #john marston #sean macguire #drunk tales are the best I'm sorry #based on my own experience lmao #arthur morgan gifs

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genericpuff · 3 months

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I wonder why christian misrepresentation are rarely talked about if compared to other religion misrepresentation. Like, I've seen people really vocal about Greek myths misrepresentation in LO and such (and it's valid because it's a culture and religion) but I rarely saw the same thing with christian even though there are many media who use christian religion innacurately, to the point where it comes off as using it as an aesthetic and not a proper religion.

Is it because of rampant religious trauma especially in western world? No ulterior motives on this question. I'm not a christian and yet I'm curious about this. I apologize if this sounds harsh.

I obviously don't have The Answer(tm) to this but personally speaking (and I'm about to get VERY personal here so take this with MOUNTAINS OF SALT), I think it's just the obvious - Christian mythology is one of the most well-documented and strongly protected out of virtually any other religion on the planet. Especially here in the West, it's commonplace for kids to go to Sunday school, for couples to have Christian weddings even if they're not practising Christians themselves, even the American anthem references the Christian God. It's simply not as easy to 'misrepresent' it because the representation is written into our very fabric of society. Even Greece itself is primarily made up of Orthodox Christians.

So anyone that does 'misrepresent' it are either completely mislead hardcore Christians, or people who are doing it intentionally, such as with the intent to make a parody of it or to deconstruct it through a different context or whatever have you. And of course, people will still get mad at those things, if you're implying that people aren't vocal about Christian misrepresentation then frankly IDK what to tell you there LOL If you want a contextual example in the realm of webtoons, Religiously Gay was dragged to hell and back during its launch for having a very crude and insulting depiction of St. Michael, and frankly, yeah I don't disagree because what the fuck is this-

(like at best it's just terrible character design lmao that said, there's also plenty else to criticize Religiously Gay for, including its fetishy representation of gay relationships and the fact that it's still just the "naive person who looks and acts like a child hooks up with mean person in a position of power" trope, blech, but the character design is definitely the first thing you notice)

There are even plenty of hardcore Christians who will deadass claim "misrepresentation" over things that ARE factually correct but they just haven't read the actual Bible and simply cherry pick what works for their own agenda. And of course those people are routinely called out by people like myself who know for a fact that Jesus wouldn't have promoted the war crimes that many modern day Christians are committing and justifying today. So it really depends on the definition of "misrepresentation" here.

The issue specifically with LO and Rachel that I personally call her out for (and many others) is that she's called herself a "folklorist" and claimed she's so much more knowledgeable on Greek myth than anyone else, while making a complete mockery of the original mythologies while not being honest about her intent as to whether LO is actually supposed to be a legitimate retelling OR a parody (because it sure acts like the latter more than the former, but she still seems to expect us to take it seriously and consider her knowledge of Greek myth superior?) Which leads to a lot of her teenage audience claiming shit like "Persephone went down to the underworld willingly" and "Apollo did assault Persephone in the original myths actually" and the classic "why would Lore Olympus lie or make up fake myths?"

You just can't pull off this extent of erasure with Christian mythology because we have a whole ass book of it that's been preserved, sold on shelves, and systematically integrated into society for thousands of years. Of course, there are people who will still try their damned best to twist the Bible to match their own bigotry with the whole "Jesus hates gays" bullshit (he would never), but it's met with equal amounts of 'misrepresentation' that are actually fully well-read and are intentionally subverting and changing things to either critique, parody, or restore the original intent of a lot of stories in the Bible without all the manufactured right-wing crap.

Greek myth, on the other hand, has some stories that are well preserved, and others, not so much. And in the modern day outside of the poems and hymns, you'll also rarely, if ever, see anyone use stories from Greek myth to ostracize, torture, and murder other people. "Misrepresenting Christianity" is more often done by actual Christians who are using the Bible to commit hate crimes than the people who have actually read the Bible and are just taking creative liberties with it for the sake of deconstructing / parodying / analyzing / subverting it. Veggie Tales "misrepresents" Christian stories because obviously Moses wasn't a fucking cucumber lmao but it still accomplishes its goal by retelling Christian stories in a way that's fun and educational for children.

By comparison (on the whole, I'm not comparing LO to Veggie Tales LMAO) LO just isn't clear in its intentions beyond Rachel's initial statements that she was trying to "deconstruct" the myths, while labelling herself as a folklorist. Therefore, I'm going to criticize how she does it because the way she's done it up until now has been very mishandled and has resulted in a lot of misinterpretations of the myths simply for the sake of fandom. And yes, these people exist in Christian media as well - they're called TV evangelists.

And that's my (very heavy) two cents.

#here's your reminder that missionaries are colonizers #find me the Hellenistic pagans knocking on people's doors asking them if they want to hear about the glory of Aphrodite lmao #honestly it also depends on what you're surrounding yourself with #obv if you take part in the LO fandom and avoid what's going on in the christian world then what you experience and see will seem skewed #like even i could be very wrong in my opinion based on my own experiences as someone who lives in the west-#maybe there ARE pagans knocking on doors and using greek myth to commit hate crimes #so yeah we all gotta try not to fall for survorship bias #there are plenty of stories of people getting mad about christian mythology and its misrepresentations on BOTH sides #lo critical #lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #webtoon critical #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything

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inkperch · 3 months

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A question about your vaggie carmilla AU.

What would be carmilla, odette and clara's reaction to Chaggie?

Carmilla is just. Constant knowing smirks lol. Possibly with a side of 'how the hell has someone as nice as Charlie survived that long down her- what do you mean she's Lucifer's daughter??'

Clara and Odette are just. Max older sibling teasing. Vaggie can't breath in Charlie's presence without being called a simp-

#Is this based on my own experiences with my gf and my family? Maybe-#still can't believe my brother called me a simp and then left me to try and explain what the hell that actually means to mum lmao-#chaggie #clara carmine #odette carmine #carmilla carmine #Vaggie Carmine au

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nobodybetterlookatme · 1 month

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Anyway I feel like there's not enough love for ranch hands and other similar jobs, and there's literally so much there. Someone allergic/sensitive to hay having to handle it pretty much every single day, deep cleaning the barn and getting set off by the dust, allergic to one or more of the animals they have to work with, being outside all day working in the middle of allergy season, not getting even a few hours of rest when they catch a cold because there's too much that needs to be done and there's nobody else to do it, having to sit in the rain and fix a fence post when they're already coming down with something. I could go on, like I really feel like we're sleeping on this too much.

#snz #snz kink #based almost entirely off my own experiences lmao #that's how i know there's substance #also if you're into the more stoic 'if I'm breathing i can work' type people #kinda standoffish and not particularly enjoying human company let alone concern #literally perfect

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scumlafeccia · 1 year

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"girlhood" means you get thrown under the bus by your friends who seek validation, period cramps so bad you can't move, going through bad periods and low mental health knowing it's seen only as "dumb teenage attention seeking behaviour", it's sexual assault that doesn't get denounced and is minimised because "he is depressed", it's diets that turn into eating disorders until you need months in a hospital, it's male teachers making comments on the perfect female measures and talking about how we arent smart enough to study STEM subjects, and p.e. teachers insulting anyone who isn't borderline underweight, and it's always having your interests minimised because what would a woman ever know about football? and it's having a reputation if you sleep with too many guys, and having a reputation if you try too hard to conform to feminity, and having a reputation if you don't try hard enough, and it's lying to your friends about why you started having bruises after getting with your boyfriend, and it's feeling isolated the moment you don't conform to expectations because everybody seems to be following rules that you can't apply to yourself, it's birth control with more side effects than anything as a cure for all menstrual problems, and it's doctors minimising your symptoms, and it's crying after realising you've been used by the boy you thought loved you, and it's justifying yourself for looking tired or being without make up in certain context, and it's catcalling and harassment. prom dress and sleepovers my ass

#this is based both on my experience as a gnc lesbian and my classmates' one #because yea we had radically different experiences but they didn't have it easier #lella rants #radfems do interact #radfem safe #radblr #I turned into its own post bc I didn't want to leave this delirious comment underneath the other post lmao

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feardrummed · 7 months

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ok here's the longer form ramble abt ollie n adhd lmao

ollie's adhd typically goes largely unnoticed, not just in the "retro horror in utah" way, but just also on account that her symptoms are easy to dismiss and not consider problems/a large factor behind troubling behavior. it's also particularly important to note how her adhd is impacted by the anxiety, trauma, and depression that develops starting around age 8 (after the drowning incident). it's the mix of all these factors that really cause problems for her in her teens years.

as far as symptoms go, obviously, risky and impulsive behavior is at the top of the list for her. again, noting how her depression also fuels this behavior as well. the impulsivity can also be social impulsivity, speaking before thinking and cutting people off. poor emotional regulation is another one that is both present and mixed with anxiety and depression, as well as masking. mostly, it shows up in being quick to anger, however there are other instances where it might show up in excitement. ollie can also have that more self-focused attitude at points, but it's mostly due to the mix of the emotional regulation and shortsightedness (an example being in her yello.wjackets verse where she votes against going to the lake).

hyperfixation and distractability are also factors, specifically ollie has tried coping with this is by approaching the stuff she's not interested in by rushing through it to get to what she is interested in. restlessness is also common, both in a fidgeting way (typically with tapping fingers or messing with drumsticks/pencils/etc, which is usually dismissed by her being a drummer) and in a need to be on the go and doing things all the time. even if the afton household was, ahem, stable, she still would struggle staying at home. again the rushing method applies, getting through whatever she has to be at home for as quickly as possible to leave.

she absolutely does have a tendency to lose and forget things, something that was present in her childhood but likely dismissed as, well, being a child. as she grow into her teen years and develops her "resident hot mess" reputation, that dismissal continues.

she also has some rejection sensitive dysphoria, although it's not something people can really see. mostly, if triggered, she sort of shuts down and can't put effort into things for awhile, usually going even further into reckless behavior to cope.

again, the biggest thing to stress is how it interacts with the rest of her situation, including setting, being a girl, anxiety and depression, trauma, etc. all of these things very much influence each other and are near impossible to separate out.

#this is. a mix of research and logical conclusions from the character. as well as observations from seeing my adhd friends and brother lmao #and also. some thoughts based on my own nd (but not adhd) experience #do i not live? badly i know but i live (about)

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sentinel-kinjo · 1 year

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I feel like Tsurugi is in fact the kind of mf to read a book on an empty train at sunrise. Not only is he that kind of mf, but he's also the kind that tends to zone out and look outside as the world rushes by, soaking in each snapshot of the world as it vanishes before his very eyes. He wonders aimlessly about the abstract things he was deprived of, or worse still, experienced privation over. Love, being the main one. Any kind, really. He wonders who exactly will brush against his skin or his hair, loving him and not his aloof police persona, as he rubs the back of his neck and pretends that someone's already there. Alas, however, he realises that there is no room behind him for anyone to lean against. Just a seat, sullied and worn down by coffee stains, sickness, and crumbs, flaky pastry from a haphazard meal.

He realises that there is nothing for him right now, and goes back to his book to satiate his everlasting misery, a sadness that has assimilated into neutrality. Surely, he thinks, that there is someone here I can assuage my guilt with.

Perhaps he can, perhaps he can't. The journey's loop is all the same. Wherever he ends up, he'll find himself back again the next morning in fruitlessness.

Such is life.

#buddy its 0:39am you KNOW what that means #tsurugi kinjo #kinjo tsurugi #super danganronpa another 2 #danganronpa #danganronpa another despair academy #danganronpa another #its whumping time #this isnt so based off my own experiences #i do think about love on trains at 7:14 in the morning while reading books #but im not sad about it lmao cry loser

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