#as well as a character analysis to go with it
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this probably seems like a weird question from your end,but why do fanfic writers care so much about comments? aos already tracks hits and likes, sorry ""kudos"", so why are comments such a big deal to the point that people will stop writing?
okay, so i'm going to take this question very seriously and i promise it's not to make you feel bad. this is a comprehensive explanation of reasons that comments are important for me, both as a writer and as a reader
engagement vs numbers game
seeing trends
buy-in
community building
engagement vs numbers game
let's look quickly at two different fics of mine. this is the kudos count for a fic called Of First Kisses and Burnt Lips
it's old. it's been up on ao3 for almost 11 years now. 258 people liked it enough to leave a kudos, 12 people liked it enough for a bookmark, and it's been clicked on 3,859 times.
i have no clue what almost any of these people on ao3 THINK about it. beyond "huh. sure. i'll kudos that". compare this to its crosspost on ffn, where i got 5 reviews
3/5 mention it being cute. 3/5 give appreciation to me for taking the time to write it. 2/5 praise the writing itself from the attention to detail with grammar to the craft. 1/5 is an "um..." which is hard to decipher but appreciate and 1/5 is a silly reaction, but it's a reaction! look, someone felt a felling reading my thing! that made me giggle!
looking at the stats here from a purely numbers perspective, my fic DID better on ao3. it got a lot more kudos than it ever got faves or reviews on ffn. but those ffn comments are still what i think about when i remember this fic.
sure, a shear number like hits or kudos can be comforting and motivating. i'm definitely not telling you to NOT leave kudos! but the fics that i've come back to, recently, are the ones where i don't have a lot of kudos but i do have a few people who are invested in the stories and leaving comments to tell me
2. seeing trends
lets look at a few of the comments on my fic The Maid of Honor Made Them Do It
so just in these two comments, we see both commenters hone in on the same detail: my choice to include a special christian music playlist that this characters' friends made for her. a few other people in this thread mentioned that same detail, so i know this bit really worked well! it's great feedback that lets me know that a good chunk of readers agree with my characterization here.
these readers zoom in on specific details that they really liked! things that made them laugh, the absurdity of the concept, enjoying reading it, and that they could see it staged, which is a HUGE compliment for a work in a fandom for theater.
i've always had trouble with imaging where characters are in a space, how they're occupying it and moving, and how to use that for characterization purposes. however, i got more than one comment on this fic about how people could see it staged! that means that i'm improving in an area that i've always struggled with. that's huge. it makes me want to keep working on this thing! it makes me feel like what i'm doing here matters, because lots of people are picking up on similar things! they're invested enough to give me a comment! and it makes me want to keep writing for the hatchetfield fandom because some people are invested in my work here. that is BIG! seeing trends in the way that readers experience your story helps a lot with writer buy-in for a project and also for writers self-analysis.
as a commenter: this helps me JUST as much. when i really dig into what i enjoyed about a fic to tell the writer about it, that helps me analyze and articulate the strengths and things i might want to take away from the storytelling, and that makes my writing better too!
3. buy-in
this is a comment on a series that has less than 100 kudos across three fics, but has thoughtful, appreciative comments on each work. it's called Melting Pot
the commenter deleted their ao3 account. they may be one of the people who commented on the next fic, which i posted recently. they might NOT have been! honestly, it doesn't matter that much to me. this person gave me a gentle and nudge about a fic that matters to me and mattered to them at the time, and they were part of the push i needed to get back to it.
from a commenter perspective, i know that hearing a kind word can help someone keep up their motivation to write, even when i can't write in depth comments the way that i like to!
just recently i only had the time to comment "nice update" on a favorite fic of mine called Teeth That Turn. but they know that i come and i read and they know and talk to me by (user)name. because they know i care about this thing they care about! and it's way more fun to do something like this when i know i can chat with the author about theories and thoughts and ideas. and this isn't a "wow aren't i so cool other writers like me! tehehe" bragging thing, it's just evidence for the case of why comments matter?
if i didn't want this to be a two way buy-in, i'd ONLY read published fiction, you know? we're all playing in the sandbox on the playground and i like what they made. they like that i like what they made :) we're scheduling a play date to fight with sticks after school my mom said it's okay!
4. community building
now i know that i just mentioned above here why i like being a commenter and how it helps authors, as well as why i like HAVING commenters as an author. i'm still arguing those things as a lead up to this section, where i have two other points to make about community building here too.
1. you can comment on OTHER comments! if you go through and read to see what other people are saying, you can agree with them. you can add some commentary! sometimes you can make a joke! and i've only ever had fun responses from something like that. authors tend to love that their fics are getting such a response that people are talking to each other about it! like look!!!!!! my thing got you to talk to someone else about it holy shit?!??!
2. commenting on fics in your fandom builds you a good reputation and makes other authors you comment on more likely to read YOUR fic. i'm not going to post any screenshots on this one because it would be embarrassing for everyone involved, but there have been authors that i really admired who gave my stuff a try after i commented on theirs. and they've told me that's why they tried it! like obviously it's not just networking or whatever, but it's really nice to have someone give your stuff a try because you've been enthusiastic and thoughtful about theirs.
and you make friends this way! fandom friends! who want to talk about your blorbos! you get to go on little play dates in cyberspace with cool people who like what you like. you don't ever HAVE to be a writer, of course. if you don't want to throw your hat into the ring or make art or edits or gif sets or anything, that's cool. no one ever has to participate in fandom outside of their comfort zone! but if you want to, you know that you'll feel more welcomed if you have some people in your corner for it, and making friends in a space, screaming about how much you love the characters you love, and remembering that fic authors especially are just fans too will help you feel like you "deserve" to exist in the space. maybe you don't write, but you go here too. you've got a space in the fandom and your comments don't have to be, like, perfect literary essays for authors to appreciate them and get a motivation boost from them still existing and us being able to go back to them and go!!! look!!! i don't suck!!! this person liked what i did so i'm okay! :)
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I LOVE YOUR POINTS ON THE EVER AFTER POST. YES YES YES.
Thank you so much friend! I am alas a person who forever has a lot of Fairy Tale And Folklore Thoughts™️ equally coupled with my feminist lens, and I find a lot of analysis tends to go into the black and white instead of accepting stories as reflections of cultural worldviews within the time/place from which they originate, for better and for worse, and that value can be gleaned as well as criticism can be made. Anyone who follows me knows I have a bee in my bonnet about the Let Women [in period pieces] Be Unapologetically Feminine brigade and their angry insistence that any feminist lens or challenging of the social mores of a period piece, classic, or otherwise historical work is anachronistic, and Actually We Loved Being Oppressed And Didn't Know To Complain And Nonconforming People Were Freaks and I do feel this way in my approach to fairy tales as well.
If you don't mind me getting a bit controversial, this is why the liberal feminist side of the backlash to Rachel Zegler's Snow White comments about her being afforded more agency and interiority than a film written nearly 100 years ago by white American men adapting a centuries-old fairy tale (the racist chuds were to be expected) was so disingenuous and disheartening. "why isn't it Empowering if a female character is kind and sweet and feminine despite her suffering and Lets Herself Be Rescued" do you hear yourself!!! that's what patriarchy still expects/demands of us!! While generic Girlbossing of fairy tales is annoying (and can have the subtext of victim blaming of the "why didn't you fight back" variety), it's not much better to be Ashamed Women Are So Simple and Actually The Men Were Right To Tell Us What To Do.
Perreault's (and to a lesser extent, Grimm's) Cinderella has a psychologically realistic response to abuse that a real person should never be shamed for, but likewise, she is a fictional figure meant to instruct (in the former case) upper class young ladies in pre-Revolutionary France that passivity is the peak of femininity, and it will be rewarded handsomely with a reprieve from mistreatment, as You Have Succeeded At Your Gender Role.
This isn't to say there isn't value in validating that Cinderella's response, but ideally there is just as much a place for Danielle punching her wicked stepsister in the face and pulling a sword on a libertine nobleman, as much space for Vasilisa the Beautiful to consort with Baba Yaga and (knowingly or unknowingly, it's unclear) burn her wicked stepfamily alive with witchfire and win her place in court through her talent at weaving, as there is for Branagh's Cinderella to, with quiet dignity, use forgiveness as a means to release the hold her abusers have on her to move forward to the happy life she's always deserved. Because even in the latter case, again a continuation of Perreault and Disney, the focus isn't on Cinderella's Moral Womanly Correctness, but on what's good for her, what helps Ella heal, and what a happily ever after looks like for Ella.
And that's the important thing - not whether or not Cinderella waves a sword or bows her head, but that the focus is on her interiority and agency, and not assigning a higher moral value to her response to abuse as The Correct Response, whatever such a response may be.
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Pink Onyx AU- An Analysis and Theory Post, Part 1
[Part 1- You are here!] | [Part 2] | [Part 3] | [Part 4] | [Part 5]
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Howdy! Those of you who have followed me for a while have probably been seeing my reblogs of the @pink-onyx-au comic made by @ceephorsshitshow. Well, today I wanna share with you something a little different than my usual SU meta… because today I’m gonna analyze this really cool fan work with the same level of seriousness as I do canon. (Like. Seriously. This first post alone is really, really long. I put most of it under a cut.)
This particular comic is a very special one for me to watch unfold, because it’s evident that a lot of deep care and attention to detail has been poured into its creation. There’s fascinating bits of expanded character development to chew into here, as well as plenty of mysteries and lingering questions for us readers to muse and theorize over. If you follow me for Steven Universe and haven’t read this AU yet I highly recommend you check it out. The most basic pitch is that it explores what a fusion between Steven and Jasper might look like, and does a LOT of deep-diving into the similarities and differences of both of those characters’ psyches.
Here’s the episode masterpost on tumblr.
And you can find it on Tapas, too!
(Note: For the purposes of these posts, I was given permission by the comic artist to post screenshots of various pages where relevant in this discussion. For each frame used I will list the episode and page number for easy reference. Additionally, this post and all future ones on the topic will contain full spoilers for the comic thus far.)
Now with all that introductory stuff out of the way, here we go!
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So, on the final page of the most recent update, we get one hell of a visual plot bomb for Steven as ol’ Onyx unfuses:
(Episode 9: Page 22)
He’s now visually expressing remnants of his corruption, where before he was not.
And it’s this mysterious plot point in particular that got me wanting to analyze this comic more deeply in the first place. This is completely new for him in this story. Thus far, he’s never expressed any of these remnants when he’s just himself- not in the way Jasper does. So it made me wonder… how might this shift in his appearance play into the ultimate trajectory of the plot? How does Steven suddenly showcasing corruption scars integrate into the larger story that is being spun here about him and Jasper and how they relate to each other?
Well, there’s a lot of comic details and story lore we need to unpack first before I can take my best theorizer’s stab at this. Let’s dig right in.
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Prelude: The analyst’s treasure is in the speech bubbles
Anyone who’s been a fan of this comic for a while has probably noticed these fun visual details already, but I’m going to take a moment to break down what I believe each speech bubble style signifies for folks who may not have context. It’ll make some of my analysis later a bit easier, too, ahah.
So. Speech bubbles. What kinds do we have here?
(Episode 1: Page 6)
Style number one: Solid with black text
This style is standard for non-fused characters, and is also utilized when a fused character is speaking whilst in a state of internal harmony.
Steven is pink and Jasper is orange, of course. Onyx’s speech bubbles are a distinct darker pink, and the main three Crystal Gems get their own colors as well. More minor characters get white bubbles.
(Episode 1: Page 10)
Style number two: Scribbly pink lettering overlaying black text
Whenever you see this type of speech bubble, it’s a sign that there is some level of internal discord going on within Steven or Onyx that is related to their diamond side. It usually shows up when one of the two is in pink mode, but from what I can tell this is not a solid rule.
(Episode 2: Page 12)
Style number three: Pink/orange mixed bubbles
This is how we see Onyx talking for a good portion of the early comic. Their speech bubbles are a clean mix of Steven’s pink and Jasper’s orange. And most vitally, the color on the top and the tail signifies which of them is “fronting” at that moment.
(Episode 3: Page 11)
Style number four: White bubble with solid pink text
So far, this style has only been used to represent dialogue that is being spoken by Steven’s gem half exclusively. Which makes things very interesting, as in Steven’s own remembrances of shattering Jasper on the very first page of the comic, the line “I have been holding back!” is shown in this specific style, instead of the scribbly pink lettering that signifies internal discord.
There is one additional sub-style here- and this is the one moment where we get Onyx’s mixed bubble but WITH the solid pink text.
(Episode 3: Page 11)
I believe these two styles pretty much mean the same thing… only, the white/pink text is either viewed within memory or a metaphoric fusion mindscape where we the viewer are actually “seeing” Steven’s instability, and thus can “see” his gem half as a separate entity there. While, in reality, this is an argument Onyx is having with the disparate pieces of themself.
(Episode 4: Page 9)
Style number five: Pink/orange tye-dye mixed bubbles
When you see that darker shade of pink start dappling into the standard mixed bubbles, this indicates that there are small whispers of Onyx’s true personality beginning to surface, instead of them constantly being wrested back and forth between Steven and Jasper’s conscious control.
(Episode 4: Page 16)
Style number six: Pink/orange mixed bubbles, but with a darker pink tail
From this page onwards, Onyx’s speech bubbles always have their darker pink shading the tail no matter who is fronting. Sometimes there are little lines of another color etched out of it, and sometimes the tail is solid dark pink. I like to believe that when it’s solid, it means that Onyx is just a little closer to reaching a fully harmonious state than when it’s not.
(Episode 9: Page 6)
Style number seven: Onyx speech/thought bubbles with a hint of pink/orange underlying
This style seems to signify moments where it’s still Onyx fully in control of themself and their actions/words/thoughts, but they’re taking subtle influence from their components or accessing their memory a bit.
These are all of the distinct styles I have caught so far, but quite honestly, it would not surprise me if I am missing something. All of this to say… pay close attention to the speech bubbles. They can tell you a lot about Onyx’s state of mind throughout the story.
Now with all this established, I’d like to finish off this first post with my first big discussion point.
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Question One: What does Jasper actually know about Steven’s “meltdown,” if anything?
The AU author recently solidified this comic’s placement in the SUF timeline in an ask response, saying that the first episode takes place just a week after Steven’s corruption event.
I’m glad this point was clarified, because it was super vital information which deeply influenced the way I analyzed Steven’s actions and responses in my recent re-read… it means this experience is still super raw for him. This is VERY important and we’ll get back to this in more depth later in future posts. But first, let’s explore what Jasper knows of this event.
The full extent of her knowledge is unclear-
(Episode 1: Page 6)
In Episode 1, Steven briefly alludes to his corruption as seen above… referring to it as “[his] meltdown.” Notably, Jasper does not seem to ask any questions about this stray comment. This COULD suggest that she knows what happened to him a week prior via hearsay, but given the context of the rest of the scene and the fact that she’s as isolated as she is out here I genuinely wonder if she thinks Steven’s so-described “meltdown” is his shattering of her.
This idea would make a good deal of sense, as she doesn’t start to make any commentary on the topic of corruption at all until they’re actually fused- with Steven bringing it up first.
(Episode 2: Page 14)
On this page, Steven takes note of Onyx’s very visible spikes (which are Overtly in the same placement as his own when he was corrupted), and initiates the musing upon his own corruption himself.
With the way Jasper phrases her response, the vibe I get is that she somehow gleans a bit of ambient shared knowledge about what happened to him through their fusion.
(Episode 2: Page 15)
“That human form you wear must have been hiding your markings.”
This quote is SUPER vital. We’ll come back to this later on in this post series, too.
(Episode 2: Page 15)
It’s clear that Jasper doesn’t REALLY understand what he went through or what caused it, since she then outright mistakes the casual woes and body pains of organic life as corruption. (As seen above.)
(Episode 8: Page 4)
But later on, she outright relates to him over their shared experience of past corruption, so she must at least know enough from mere ambient thought-sharing by this point to recognize it happened.
It’s obvious that she’s barely scratched the surface on fully understanding her fusion partner, though. Neither of them have. It’s gonna take a lot of fusion, comedic mishaps, and genuine conversation to get there. All in good time, I’m sure.
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Please do join me tomorrow at 7am PST for the next post in this series! This has been a blast to write up and muse upon.
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From Gloves to Fingers: The Ghoul and Lucy MacLean
Despite their mostly practical usage nowadays, gloves used to be a powerful tool in society. There were rules about how and when a person should wear them, and what messages they relayed to others. Gloves were more than a fashion accessory; they had symbolic functions. Across various sources, such as visual media, art, and literature, gloves are associated with notions about power, protection, purity, as well as sexuality.
In the following analysis, I will examine the Ghoul’s gloves in Fallout (2024) as a visual key to understanding his character, motivations, and relationship with Lucy.
What if I told you that the first thing we see about the Ghoul, his introduction to us, is his gloved hand?
His character is shrouded in mystery, and his gloves facilitate this impression. When a character hides their hands, we assume they have secret or evil intentions. That’s why gloves have come to be associated with villains. And at first glance at this character, this assumption would not be far from the truth. But in the Ghoul’s case, it’s more complicated than that. Let’s roll back to the beginning!
As soon as we learn that the Ghoul used to be the famous Hollywood actor Cooper Howard, and the face of Vault-Tec, we start to make the connections. For instance, we know he refuses to do the thumbs-up for the photo during the birthday party. The thumbs-up, his thumbs-up in particular, is a symbol for Vault-Tec, a company he has grown to despise. So it isn’t surprising that he would try to conceal his relation to the company, figuratively and physically.
Two hundred years later, we learn about the nature of ghouls. Radiation has ravaged their skin and appearance. In this case, the gloves might serve the cosmetic purpose of hiding most of his scarred body.
However, it all comes down to the image he presents to the world around him. His gloves, and his hat, are accessories for the costume he’s chosen to wear. He doesn’t go around by the name of Cooper Howard anymore; he has built himself a new identity, using props just like an actor would. He is recognizable by these attributes and they are a makeshift armor for the real man underneath it. I’d even argue that his gloves act as a physical and psychological shield between him and the atrocities he’d committed to survive.
Now that we’ve discussed the symbolism of him wearing gloves, it’s time to ask the important question. Do we see the Ghoul’s ungloved hands? We do. Two times. And both of them are connected to Lucy: one in her presence, one in the presence of her finger.
The first time we the Ghoul’s ungloved hands is after the significant scene of him mercy killing Roger and feeding on him in front of Lucy. The fact that Lucy witnessed him eat, not just any food but human flesh, is extremely important. In that scene, he reveals his animalistic nature. It’s an intimate scene because he begins her initiation into the Wasteland by offering her his knife to cut off some pieces herself. In a way, he shares his meal with her. Her repulsion is clear but she relents. It’s important to keep this scene in mind.
Cut to the scene with him with no gloves. At this point, he’s shown her a part of himself. In the past, the removal of gloves was a sign of closeness, and even inferiority. He has shed his skin, literally in the form of his gloves. He has allowed himself to be vulnerable in her presence. He’s naked in a way we haven’t seen before. It’s no wonder what happens next has so many sexual undertones.
To put it plainly, in this scene we see the Ghoul relishing the taste of irradiated water while Lucy is right next to him… thirsty. It’s an interesting juxtaposition to a previous scene when Lucy politely asked for water but he denied her (with his gloves on, retaining a metaphorical barrier, an air of superiority). She then saw the pool of water but resisted drinking from it while he taunted her. Now, it seems different. He watches her with a silent challenge in his eyes, tempting. She isn’t asking him anything this time. All she sees is the water, the means to quench her thirst, and… his ungloved hand.
Personally, I find the choice to include his hand here very interesting. What happens next, even more so; Lucy succumbs to her thirst. In contrast to her hesitation and revulsion with slicing pieces off Roger for food, she eagerly drinks the irradiated water the Ghoul drank moments ago. It’s a desperate physical need, and it’s out of her own volition. If you don’t see anything sexual about this frame, I don’t know what to tell you:
It’s worth mentioning the way the Ghoul stoops to her level here which enables the iconic “Oh, I’m you, sweetie.” She’s almost his equal here, as they stare after she’s drunk the water, their hands ungloved.
Lucy, being ever the opportunist, sees his weakness and tries to run away. Her attempt is short-lived because he catches her in his lasso. And all the build-up ends in one of the most memorable scenes in the show; and for a good reason!
In their struggle, Lucy takes advantage of his exposed hand, his weakness, and bites his finger off. It’s almost like she’s turned into him: an animal tearing flesh. The gloves would have protected him against harm but he’s taken them off, he has allowed himself to be vulnerable around her. Perhaps, he underestimated her.
In a violent imitation of a lover's touch, he cuts her finger off. This is the first time they touch hands. In the past, a woman had to be wary of a man’s ungloved hand because it signified danger and the loss of her chastity.
In Lucy's case, chastity refers to her naivety about navigating the world around her. The Ghoul opened her eyes about the surrounding world, but she dared to go one step further and stole something of his, a part of him. For two centuries, he's managed to keep his ten fingers intact, a sign of his competence, and it's none other than Lucy who overpowers him this way. So he feels obliged to take a part of her to replace his missing one. It's very much an exchange of rings/vows type of situation. But I digress.
After the finger exchange and the visual replacement of Lucy's finger, which for a second looked to me like adding a band/ring, we see the most significant scene for her character yet. She survives alone in the Super Duper Mart and despite it all, retains her principles, by saving his life. She emerges the victor, both in terms of survival and morals. But how does the exchange affect him?
In a rare scene of self-reflection, the Ghoul watches his old human self on film. The gloves are back on and he mimics pulling the trigger, nothing unusual.
But as we watch him rub the leather of his missing finger, we know that something has shifted. Beneath the seemingly intact glove, there is a missing piece. Try as he might to conceal it, and even if it's unnoticeable to others, he’s aware of its absence. Despite the external armor, the damage is internal.
Which brings us to the second scene with his ungloved hands: the scene of him sewing Lucy’s finger on his hand.
The Ghoul is held responsible for the thrashing of the Super Duper Mart. While they question him, he asks for the needle and thread (red thread of fate, anybody?) in his bag. As he unrolls the piece of cloth, we see Lucy’s finger.
Here I want to make an important note: In the past, gloves were considered an extension of the wearer’s body; another symbolic body part. In the classic novel Little Women, Meg loses one of her gloves and it turns out that the man who is interested in her romantically – Mr. Brooke – has hidden it in his pocket. Later, characters would consider this act a declaration of his intentions toward her. The Ghoul has neatly packed away Lucy’s finger in his bag. The subtext is definitely there.
In the first scene when he was ungloved, it was in Lucy’s active presence. In this scene, she’s not here but her presence is felt, and not only because it’s her finger he’s sewing. While he is attaching the finger, he takes the blame for what she did in the Super Duper Mart. He throws away the act for a moment, his hands are ungloved and unprotected, as he surrenders himself in her name. The intimacy of the mere image of him sewing a part of Lucy’s body on his own, literally tying the knot, deserves its own analysis.
You could say it fits him like a glove. ;)
This is the last scene we see him without gloves in S1. But every time we see his gloved hand afterward, we are reminded that he carries Lucy’s finger. It’s a symbol of what Lucy reminded him of: his lost dignity. It’s his trigger finger, a moral compass. It led to him shooting her dad when she herself wavered, but also letting him go alive. And it’s her replaced necrotic finger which pulls the trigger when she mercy kills her mother, a lesson she learned from him. Their fates have intertwined and their fingers are the perfect representation of that.
With the focus on hands and fingers we saw in S1, I expect this symbolic storytelling to continue and expand in S2.
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The Apothecary Diaries
S1E24 First Watch
Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.
If you want to start at the beginning:
Episode 1
My character/locations cheat sheet:
Master Shishou - Lady Loulan's father
Suirei: court lady who tried to assassinate Jinshi
Final episode of season one let's go!
Lakan: Fengxian. I wanted to be with the daughter we (she)* left behind. That was my only wish.
*There is a mismatch of the words being spoken in English dub and the English subtitles.
Oh does he think Fengxian is dead? Shit. Do I need to retract some of the mean shit I said about him last time?
We see Lakan sitting in the brothel staring at the dried rose that Maomao left for him, and the severed fingers that he treasures. He's thinking of seeing Maomao as a child
Lakan: It's natural for her to hate me, but I still wanted her close by.
So he did try to come and claim Maomao at some point. And why couldn't he? Did the ladies at Verdigris House prevent him from taking her? Did Luomen? Did Lakan ultimately decide he couldn't raise this little girl for some other reason?
Lakan: But that despicable man. I'll never forgive him for placing his hand on my daughter's shoulder three times during our match.
First of all, we are still seeing these creepy game-piece-headed nightmares in this episode. When will it end?
Second of all, I didn't notice that Jinshi was touching Maomao in the last episode. I'm fairly certain it was not shown, which to me indicates that it happened but Maomao didn't take notice of it. Is casual touch so commonplace that it doesn't warrant notice, or was she so focused on the game that it was irrelevant.
Lastly, WTH Lakan? Wasn't he the one cracking jokes about Jinshi and Maomao last episode? And, can no one in this show read the fricking room? Obviously, there is something happening between these two. I suppose Lakan has an excuse with his face blindness, but honestly I expected better from him.
Lakan: The question is how do I exact my revenge?
Well Lakan, I think you'll have to choose between your two goals of having Maomao close by and exacting revenge on Jinshi, because those two goals are in opposition. If Lakan ever wants to have a relationship with Maomao, he will have to leave Jinshi alone, because Maomao is not going to tolerate Lakan screwing with her man employer.
Granny comes to talk to Lakan about picking a courtesan. I had this all wrong apparently. I thought Maomao was intending for him to take care of her mother. It seems he can pick any courtesan that he wants.
Lakan approaches Meimei, who says she would be glad to accept, though her body language says otherwise. She opens the doors to the courtyard where Fengxian can be heard singing. Granny is not happy, but Lakan takes off running towards the sound.
Lakan: A withered flower still retains it's beauty. If that was suppose to be a message... it can't be!
So he didn't know Fengxian was alive then? Which means I can't blame him for not stepping forward to care for her in the past.
Lakan runs, frantic, to where the singing is coming from. He enters Fengxian's room. She's turned away looking out the window, but she's singing a song that Lakan can't forget. And he's stunned. Like seeing a ghost. He's staring at a woman he thought was dead. A single tear falls down his face.
Ah shit. That's some good drama right there.
Lakan picks Fengxian. He'll pay any amount. Granny can't believe this. She's not happy. It doesn't make sense. Did she forget about the history between these two?
And what was granny's role in all of this anyway? Did she give Lakan the impression that Fengxian was dead? Why would she do that? Couldn't granny have taken advantage of Lakan's interest in Fengxian and sold off the otherwise worthless Fengxian? My guess is that Fengxian hated Lakan so much at that point, that Granny thought she needed to protect her from going to him. She's not as avaricious as she would make herself seem.
Fengxian is spacing out. To get her attention, Lakan places some Go pieces in her hand. When she finally turns to him, he asks her to play a game with him, then full on ugly cries.
It's a beautiful moment. After all the problems that kept these two apart, they are finally reunited.
They play on the bed, without a board, but it seems that at least this part of Fengxian's mind remains, because she's making cleaver moves. Lakan reminisces about how they used to play and credits Fengxian for Maomao's strengths. Does she deserve that credit...
Meimei is overwhelmed. She cries. She blames Granny for keeping these two apart.
Lakan says he will buy Fengxian's contract, and when he sees her he sees her as she was in her prime. Beautiful, without the bandages or the disease, or the any of the changes that time has wrought. Does he see her this way because of his love for her, or because of his face blindness?
I wonder how much of Fengxian's mind remains. How much does she understand about what is happening? How much, if at all can she consent to this? Perhaps that is Granny's concern as well. For someone so out of their mind, and at the end of their life, I can't see what Lakan's presence can do to benefit Fengxian. Perhaps he improves her legacy, by giving her tale a nicer ending, but as far as her experience of it goes... he's too late.
This is all for Lakan's benefit. He is reunited with the woman he loved, he get's to finally buy out her contract like he wanted to so many years ago. He gets to erase some of his regrets, correct some of his miscalculations. It's a redemption for him, though a selfish one since he is the only one who benefits from it. Arguably, Verdigris House benefits as well, but he sure as hell ain't doing this for them. I could listen to an argument that he is doing this in part because he believe Maomao wants him to, but primarily, I think this is all for himself.
(I'm sorry Lakan fans. I will try harder on the rewatch to unearth some love for your dude)
Maomao is returning from the Verdigris House with ray-of-sunshine, Basan! They oversee Lady Loulan and her father conversing, and Basan calls the two of them snakes. Maomao, rightly, thinks that's a pretty dangerous thing to say. She doesn't want to lose her head just because Basan can't keep his nasty opinions to himself. And though Maomao always avoids gossip, I very much want to know what Basan knows about Lady Loulan and Master Shishou.
Maomao is dead tired, she has been working her ass off for the last month to grow those roses for the Garden Party, and now she just wants to sleep, but Basan informs her that Jinshi wants to see her first.
Jinshi: You must be tired.
Maomao: Not really.
Why lie about this? My guess is that Maomao doesn't want anyone to fuss over her. Her wellbeing isn't important anyway, so why mention how she feels?
But Suiren does worry over Maomao, mentioning how much weight she's lost since the last time she saw her. Good. I'm glad to see this more obvious show of care for Maomao. I really just want everyone to love on this girl and take care of her.
Oh and she's "Xiaomao" to Suiren now too. ❤️She gets a nice big meal and is told to eat up.
Jinshi wants to know what the deal is with Maomao and her dad. Maomao explains that she doesn't hate Lakan.
Maomao: Afterall, I would not even be here if he weren't able to land his shot so to say. ... No courtesan bears a child if she doesn't want one.
And that makes a lot of sense actually. Maomao explains how women can prevent pregnancy, abort unwanted pregnancies, predict their fertility... it all points to the conclusion that Fengxian wanted to use Lakan to get pregnant.
Last episode we saw how Fengxian's plan all came crashing down by unforeseen circumstances. In her rage she cut off both her own finger as well as that of her infant.
Maomao explains to Jinshi about Lakan's face blindness. Jinshi, who has no issues with empathy, thinks that's unfortunate. Luomen was the one who told Maomao about Lakan's condition, and he also thinks the condition is quite sad. I wonder if Maomao knows that Luomen is Lakan's uncle? Maomao thinks that Lakan's obsession with her comes from the fact that she is one of the very few people whom Lakan can recognize.
Jinshi has kept a large vase of the blue roses that Maomao grew for him, because he's in love with her they were just going to be thrown out otherwise, and Maomao reflects while looking at them. She wonders if her meaning was clear enough when she sent the withered rose to Lakan.
She claims again that she doesn't hate Lakan. She's grateful to have been born and have been raised by Luomen. Jinshi pushes back, recalling her intense reaction when Lakan's name came up before.
Maomao: No offense, but you've got a lot to learn Master Jinshi.
You don't know me. Yet.
Maomao is also grateful that Lakan helped her interrupt the ceremony that would have killed Jinshi.
Maomao: It's like he had a feeling something bad was going to happen too.
Gee, almost like he knew somethin about it, or had figured it out already?
Maomao explains that Lakan doesn't need evidence to form his conclusions. He can pick up on subtleties that aren't even conscious, to use gut feelings that are rarely wrong. Maomao regrets that Lakan can't be depended on to actually act on these feelings. She believes she could have stopped Suirei from escaping if Lakan had gotten involved earlier and she would now have the secret resurrection drug that Suirei hinted at.
Maomao is jealous of Lakan. Luomen praises Lakan without caveats, something she can only wish for. Friends. I know you all think I'm too hard on Luomen, and it's probably true. And I feel compelled to say that I don't hate him or even dislike him. I know Maomao loves Luomen and he's done all he can for her. But she's still hurt by his lack of praise. It's had an effect on her emotional and psychological development.
Maomao warns Jinshi not to underestimate Lakan.
Gaoshun adds that no father wants to be disliked by their children. Okay Gaoshun, are you projecting here? Some dads are dicks, and absolutely deserve to be disliked whether they like it or not. Does Gaoshun worry that his children don't like him? Is it because Basan is his son? He really shouldn't take Basan's pissy attitude personally, he's like that with everyone!
Meimei sends a package with a beautiful shawl and news from the brothel. She hopes that Maomao will dance for her when she is bought out. Maomao actually picks up the shawl and spins around with a soft sigh. Does Maomao enjoy dancing? Something she picked up at the brothel perhaps?
Maomao seems inspired by the gift. She sits down in front of her makeup and a beautiful outfit that is on a rack in her room.
Cut to Jinshi watching the sunset. Is the sunset just a transition to a night scene or is it symbolic of closure in the story? We are coming to the end of not just this episode but this entire season, so a sunset is certainly appropriate.
Maomao stands atop the wall of the palace, dressed in her finery, looking out to the bright city beyond. We get a glimpse of Maomao's yet unhealed leg, her freckles, her lovely courtesan's dress, her beauty. An amalgamation of all the different parts that make up Maomao. She is here to dance, as Meimei suggested. Here on the same wall where two other women have stood earlier in the season with drastically different results.
The show revisits a recurring theme from throughout the season: for women who live in a cage there are only two ways out, freedom or death.
First we had seen the concubine who danced atop the wall as she waited for her lover to return and secure her release. Freedom.
Later we saw the servant girl who plunged into the moat to end her life. Death.
And now Maomao, who often walks the line between the two. Over the course of this season we've seen her struggle with both. When the servant girl died, we heard suicidal ideation from Maomao. We've also seen her ingest deadly poison. Always flirting with death, not sure if she should welcome it or fight against it.
And freedom. We've seen her at the crossroads of her life, with decisions ahead of her. Particularly, with whether she should remain in the Pleasure District or return to the Rear Palace. And Maomao struggled with freedom, caught by indecision.
In this moment, under the stars, she doesn't have to think. She's feeling. A deviation from her usual modus operandi. Perhaps with Meimei's letter she can let go of some of the turmoil from her past. Fengxian is with Lakan now, that knot that has finally been undone. Her sisters in Verdigris House are safe and happy for the moment, with hope for each of their futures. Maomao is in the Rear Palace to watch over Lady Gyokuyou and the ladies of the Jade Pavilion. And Jinshi is safe, after both an attempt on his life by Suirei and an attempt on his reputation from Lakan. So for the moment the people Maomao loves are safe, and she can stand on top of a wall and dance under the stars and just feel.
Of course the practical reason behind it is that she's practicing to make sure she remembers the steps. Meimei asked her to dance for her after all.
And Jinshi is here. It's the end of the final episode. I'd be disappointed if he didn't show up.
She's so surprised to see him, she nearly falls off the roof. Maomao... I know you are an anime girl but isn't that a little cliché...
No matter, it offers Jinshi a chance to catch her. He always will.
Jinshi: I got a report about another weird woman who was climbing up the outer wall.
It's a recurring problem in this palace.
Jinshi: You're always causing me trouble.
And you fricking love it. Shut up.
Maomao was recognized by the guard that saw her go up the wall, and the guard was wise enough to go directly to Jinshi. Of course Jinshi came himself.
Maomao explains that in the Pleasure District, that when a courtesan is bought out that it is customary for the others to dance in her honor. Ahh, so she's dancing for her mother then.
That Lakan has bought a courtesan is big news in the Pleasure District, and even in the palace. The number of lamps on the street, as well as the number of banquet days, indicate that a courtesan of the highest status was bought out, though the public never sees her. We get a glimpse of Fengxian in red. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe red is the color of wedding garments. I'm not sure if that's intentional here or not. But in any case, no one, not even me, can mistake Lakan's grand romantic gesture in treating Fengxian with so much respect.
Jinshi questions who Lakan may have bought out at the Verdigris House, and Maomao plays dumb, which is not fooling Jinshi.
Jinshi: Just who did the strategist buy out any way?
Maomao: What? As if I should know.
Jinshi: Yes. Without a doubt.
Maomao: No matter how beautiful she is, she would never be a match for you.
Jinshi: That didn't answer my question.
She doesn't want to say. And he's not going to push her. She tries to deflect, and he lets her. He once again is asking her to open up to him, and she is still saying not yet. But Jinshi never gives up on Maomao. He will simply let her have her secrets for now. But he's so steadfast in his pursuit of Maomao that the audience can have no doubt that he will continue to try.
Fengxian won't last long. She's in the end stages of her disease. Maomao reflects on how her birth affected the reputation of Verdigris House. No one spoke to Maomao about who her mother was, because Grams tried to protect that information, but Maomao discovered it anyway. Prideful Fengxian couldn't recover from the shame of her failed plans, her loss of reputation, and she always chased Maomao away. Maomao claims that none of it matters to her. She's just happy being Luomen's daughter. I don't believe she's so unaffected, but that's an issue for a future season!
Maomao's macabre fun facts are not in fact fun for Jinshi, as she explains that you can cut off the tip of your finger and that it will grow back. I'm glad she didn't lose this part of her that was taken by one parent to curse the other. Instead it grew back. She may be scarred from the experience but she is whole. A metaphor.
When Maomao collapses, Jinshi demands to know what's wrong to which Maomao rambles off a list of horrifying truths. Maomao's leg wound won't heal. It has opened up again. She didn't notice it because she has a high pain tolerance. Probably due to all the drugs she's taken. No problem, she can just plop down and stitch it right back up.
NO. That's not happening. Jinshi has fucking had it with this girl. He then picks her up and leaps. off. the. wall. It was a little hot. I'm so used to Jinshi simping and being generally uncool, that I get caught off guard when he's actually being hot. Maomao does too. Especially since he switches to a princess carry.
Maomao gets deadly serious for a moment. She stares Jinshi in the eyes, touches his face and leans in. Jinshi is thinking this is it. It's finally happening. Only for Maomao to ask if she can now have the ox bezoar. Is she trying to provoke him? She gets headbutted for that one. I'm typically against physical violence, but I have to say, this seems justified. Maomao is happy about it too, because now she knows she's dealing with the real Jinshi.
Lady Gyokuyou pays for premium so she gets front row access to her favorite romcom. Jinshi has come to see Maomao. This final interaction is just basically this whole show in a nutshell. The ladies of the Jade Pavilion are teasing Maomao, because they love her, and they know her boyfriend totally platonic employer is watching. Jinshi says something interesting has come up and he thought of Maomao, which of course peaks her curiosity. We don't get to hear what Jinshi wanted to ask of Maomao, but we get the impression that things will carry on much as they have been until we can see these beloved characters again.
The storytellers promise us a second season. So yay!
Thanks to the like 10 people who enjoyed this blog. It was very fun for me to write. Your comments, likes and reblogs gave me life.
I loved getting to know these characters and trying to get inside their heads. The characters are so well written, and the plot is so big and juicy. There seems to be no end to the layers of the story. It's truly fantastic.
The Apothecary Diaries is a new favorite of mine now, and since I've made it to the end of this season, I'm looking forward to not having to scroll past JinMao content on my feed to avoid spoilers!
I haven't decided if I should hold out for more of the show and continue to watch it with fresh eyes like I did for this blog, or if I should just jump into the light novels or manga. Does anyone know, are both of those things complete with a good English translation?
This won't be my last content for The Apothecary Diaries. I'm known to compulsively shit post in the fandoms I follow, so I'm sure I won't be able to resist doing that. But, perhaps once I've had some time to think on this I will have some more meta analysis to offer. I do plan to rewatch the entire season. Though I won't reblog to this degree, I may jump back in the comments on some of these blogs and add some new insights.
If you like this kind of thing and want me to do it for another one of your favorites let me know! My recommendations box is ever open. I love any kind of engaging story, in any format, and am happy (unable to stop myself) to post about it on the internet! Just tell me what you love and where to start.
Until then I guess I'm into this now.
To start at the beginning:
Episode 1
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Any songs on the tortured poets department or the anthology that remind you of Emilie agreste or any other ML character? (though I know Emilie’s your special interest) I feel like the albatross and I can do it with a broken heart remind me so much of Adrien, and I always love your Taylor swift lyric analysis posts.
EXCELLENT question considering taylor swift just released an emilie agreste album. (and you’re so right about the adrien songs i definitely thought so too.) there were 6 songs that stood out to me as emilie songs, the first being:
I Can Fix Him, No Really I Can
this one is. well. it’s obvious that emilie is into toxic men. i love the idea that when she first got entangled with gabe, he was just an absolute broke problematic punk bisexual disaster (we can't ignore the harriel evidence) who her parents hated sooooo bad. and like literally everybody was so right that he was bad news but emilie was so confident that she could fix him until she finally realized that she was fr dying and he was actually going to terrorize the world about it. oops.
I Can Do It With A Broken Heart
already mentioned as an adrien song (which it is) but emilie and adrien are admittedly very similar and this song hits on exactly why. it’s about having such a tight control on how you’re perceived by others, putting on a fake persona that can be idolized and adored by everyone no matter how you’re feeling inside. it’s about being SO good at your job that you can’t actually get out of it. accidentally mythologizing yourself. losing your grasp of what is performance vs authenticity. you get it
Clara Bow
OKAY THIS ONE MAKES ME CRAAAZY. okay okay okay. so SPEAKING of accidentally mythologizing yourself, the song clara bow hits on a lot of the same themes as icdiwabh but there's this added sense of inevitable circularity to it that just drives me insane. I especially think a lot about adrien almost inheriting his mother's space in the public eye - the way emilie's acting career and universal adoration paved the way for adrien to be famous from birth, the kind of fame that makes his life almost unlivable at times. the whole bridge articulates it beautifully, I think - "beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours/demanding more" and "it's hell on earth to be heavenly." the idea that the world demands beauty from emilie, and she gives and gives until her ambition eventually breaks her, and she passes the performance down to adrien. and he takes up the mantle. the future's bright, dazzling.
Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus
so again, we return to the alleged bisexual punk disaster youth of gabriel agreste😭 this song is mostly related to my personal way that I imagine gabe and emilie's early years lol. I imagine that one of the things that drew emilie to gabe initially was that he was so opposite of the way her british nobility family was, and she was trying to escape that life. but eventually, once the money and success got to him, he became someone exactly like the family she once ran from. and she became different too, in a way she always regretted. hence the "say that I loved you the way that you were." the part of this song that feels VERY emilie to me is the "I changed into goddesses, villains, and fools/changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules/all to outrun my desertion of you." I think that emilie is very malleable, easily adapting her personality and presentation to fit whoever she's trying to please at the moment. but she never plans to stick around for long.
I Hate It Here
this one makes me laugh bc "I'd say the 1830's but without all the racists😒" ABSOLUTELY feels like something emilie agreste would say😭 and feel like she cured racism. but as for the actual song, I see emilie as always tending toward escapism. no matter how content she's trying to be in her situation, she's always stitching together an escape plan in the back of her mind. she doesn't like being tied down. she's such a romantic, and constantly disappointed by reality. always planting secret gardens in her mind
The Bolter
THE BOLTER!!!!! IS THE EMILIE AGRESTE SONG OF ALL TIME. TO ME. okay okay every single line but especially verse 2. "he was a cad, wanted her bad/just like any good trophy hunter/and she liked the way it tastes" just SAY gabriel and emilie. just say it. also the "splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless" SCREAMS emilie to me. one of the first things that ever came to me about emilie was her being flighty and kind of unreliable, as well as deeply attention seeking. I think of her as someone who gets restless if she's in the same place for too long, who has trouble with commitment. it's easy for her to feel trapped, and her impulse is always to break free. thinking about how content she was to leave behind her loved ones, "there's an escape in escaping" really defines her character to me. and of course it bleeds into adrien's struggle with confinement and tendency to run away when he's feeling unwanted etc etc <3
THANKS FOR ASKING A QUESTION SO RELEVANT TO MY CURRENT INTERESTS<3 umm I will throw in a bonus adrien song which is robin. ok goodnight
#anna rambles#asks#ml#ttpd#ts#emilie agreste#thirteen#it's thirteen related. let's be real#im done with finals so I finally had time to finish answering this ask dfsnkjdsk#I get so many lovely asks but I always want to spend like 3 hours answering them but I do not have time#THANK U FOR THE ASK. IT WAS FUN.
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Hello hello! I love your writing so much and was wondering if I could request some Sonnetto analysis and hcs about how she would act around an older sibling-like reader. Someone who looks out for her and is protective of her but has a bit of a mischief streak. I don’t want to make the ask too specific because I want to give you some freedom with it lol. Thank you so much!
;R1999 SONETTO - Familial Headcanons
Compilation of headcanons and analysis about Sonetto and an older sibling figure.
ty for the request! it's always fun to write familial or platonic dynamics! <3 and sonetto is always such a treat to study under a microscope
sorry if this was short! i ran out of steam and ideas at the end, ough
The subject of Sonetto and family is one of my favorites to discuss because it always highlights just how disconnected from humanity she is. Not in the sense of "oh, she's heartless and very cold and logical because of the Foundation" but in the sense of "oh, she's kind, but only in the limited way a child soldier from the Foundation can be."
I can't remember if I've already written about this, but as far as I know, Sonetto is the only main/playable character within the Foundation who doesn't have any themes of "community" nor mentions any actual family members.
Compare her to other characters: Vertin, who was explicitly one month old when she was taken into the School of Discipline, still has her mother and is aware of her. Matilda and Mesmer Jr. have their whole families. If we analyze these characters, a big part of their lives and personalities can be traced to their interactions and history with their families, and these are just examples within Sonetto's generation. Outside of this specific group we have Horropedia, who owes everything to his adoptive grandfather, and Tooth Fairy, whose relationship with her family - the Campbells - is explored in her own character event from 1.2.
We can keep going with characters adjacent to the Foundation! X has his orphanage, he mentions the people he grew up with and took care of him in a few voicelines. Medicine Pocket has their mother, as seen in their 01 Story. Lilya has her parents, mentioned in her birthday messages. Leilani, also from Zeno like Lilya, doesn't mention her family per se, but her entire character revolves around the concept of being welcoming and friendly, around the idea of community.
Sonetto's character and her entire life revolve exclusively around the Foundation. This is the only family she's had, and this is a detail that her Storybook brings up in her first paragraph.
Child of the Foundation
Sonetto knows nothing about her background. Before she was adopted by the Foundation, she had neither family nor motivations. It was the Foundation that gave her everything. Now she is completely clear of her glorious mission: to devote her life to the peace and well-being of mankind.
The Foundation is her only family, it makes sense that Sonetto would go on to become the perfect arcanist and soldier by their standards.
With this ramble, I want to emphasize the fact that Sonetto doesn't have the same knowledge or context about the idea of "family" like the previously mentioned characters. We know that her relationships are one-sided, because of the way she cannot reciprocate something as simple as friendship in a way that is traditional.
The most obvious example being her initial relationship with Vertin. She clearly cares for Vertin now that they are older, but we don't know if this is because of her guilt - born from her involvement in the incident that turned Vertin into the Timekeeper and everything prior to it - but we do know that the two rarely interacted given Vertin's reaction at the beginning of the game. To this, we must add the way Sonetto is constantly compared to a dog: she's described as a puppy, endearing and honest in the way she eagerly follows those she cares for. But also a military dog, obedient and attentive. One can argue that the only way Sonetto knows how to love and show affection is through usefulness, because it is the one thing she was taught by the Foundation.
Yes, Sonetto is kind and helpful, and this is a double-edged sword: being useful is the priority. If she cannot be of use, she cannot be worthy of affection, she cannot justify her existence. And a few of her voice lines highlight this--the ones we hear when leveling up her Insight are very telling.
Raising a character's Insight level is described as Vertin helping them gain a better understanding of themselves and the world, hence the wording--"Insight." Notice how Sonetto's Insight voicelines all focus on how usefulness.
Hu... la ringrazio. I will make good use of this power.
This place has brought me so many things: freedom, fresh knowledge, brave friends. How can I ever repay you? I want to be of help to you at any time.
The first one is straightforward, but the implication is that Sonetto sees her own development, her own understanding of her own life and personality, as something that must be used accordingly--a power, an ability, something useful.
It's a huge contrast to her second voice line.
It's only through a lot of exposure, help and insight that Sonetto can recognize all these good things--freedom, fresh knowledge, brave friends. She still wants to be useful, but now with the full understanding of her surroundings and situation. This is why she defends Schneider so passionately during Chapter 05 - "El Oro de los Tigres." This is why her entire character revolves around her slowly finding her own footing outside of the Foundation's influence through Vertin and all these new experiences, as opposed to the sterile environment she's used to.
And we're just talking about how she treats her friends, and there is this barrier that keeps her from forming connections so easily the same way Vertin does. How would she treat someone that's like an older sibling, a mentor, a parental figure, when she's never had anything remotely similar in the first place?
I think it depends heavily on when exactly you meet Sonetto!
On one hand, if you meet her while she's attending the School of Discipline, then I imagine it would take a long time for her to warm up to you. She insists that your behaviour makes no sense, but she can't exactly stop you as you're not breaking any rules that she knows of. Part of her cannot understand why you would treat her like this, regardless of whether you're a few grades ahead of her or part of the School's staff, but you make her feel safe, despite this mischievous streak of yours.
I can't see her supporting or turning a blind eye to any of your shenanigans--a younger Sonetto will absolutely snitch on you if given the chance, unless you give her a VERY good reason not to. If you're too much of a troublemaker like Vertin, then she settles for trying to steer you into the right path with advice, knowing that you're absolutely not going to listen. I like to think this specific path would end up with Sonetto being your little annoyed little sister! Or rather, that she sees you as an endearing and embarrassing older sibling figure, constantly apologizing her coworkers and others for whatever you might do or say for her sake. Yes, you're an inconvenience at work, but she knows that you care for her very much. Everyone can tell at a single glance that the two of you are close, that your mannerisms end up rubbing off on her in subtle ways, that she finally emotes and feels like a real teenager instead of a child soldier when she's around you.
On the other hand, if you met her after she joins Vertin's team, she's much more mellow, more open to interacting with people who don't fit the Foundation's standards. Initially, she may assume that you look out for everyone, not just her, but it takes a considerably less amount of time for her to warm up to you. Thanks to all the new people she's met, it's easier to accept this sort of kindness and concern, and Sonetto's first instinct is to reciprocate it tenfold. Every little nice thing that you do or say, she will imitate it--if you help her braid or brush her hair, she will ask to do the same. If you make her favorite meal, she will do the same. Just like a puppy learning how to play with other puppies. If she sees you being up to no good, she's instantly confused--you're so caring and considerate, it's hard to wrap her mind around the idea of you getting into trouble on PURPOSE. She reluctantly tags along, just to make sure you have someone in your corner should you get caught.
Both paths would lead to some idealization from Sonetto's part. This is the first time she's felt like this--the concept of home has always been a quiet, empty and standard room within the Foundation's headquarters, but now, when she thinks of home, she thinks of you and Vertin, of a big, warm and noisy suitcase full of people. This is the first time she understands what family means.
Of course, she's torn between her duty and these new experiences, I think that there are times in which Sonetto feels guilty for choosing one over the other--sometimes, it's the realization that she will still prioritize the safety of mankind over a happy life with her friends, or realizing that her instincts still expose just how deep her indoctrination runs, how detached from a regular teenage girl she is.
And sometimes, it's the feeling of wanting to run away somewhere safe, somewhere with you and everyone else, when the stress of work gets to her. And what really affects Sonetto the most is knowing that you would never, ever make her choose, that you'll always be her big sibling, who teases her for days on end and who comforts her when she needs it.
This idealization manifests as the usual martyr behaviour that's been instilled in her. She cares for you, and so she will lay down her life for you if necessary--this is a feeling that defies all logic.
I do want to say that the aspect of idealization differ depending on which path we're discussing! The first one, the one in which you pretty much adopt her when she's very young, leans more towards a regular dynamic of a child idolizing their older sibling, someone who is very close to them. The second one leans more towards a fan idolizing a celebrity, a distant figure worth of admiration.
Because you've spent more time with Sonetto in this first path, I think that she would also be more open to being vulnerable since, you know, she's a literal child. Your presence and influence somewhat mitigates the damage her training will eventually do to her psyche and mentality, meaning that part of Sonetto is able to recognize that what's happening to her - what happens to every orphaned arcanist - is not okay. She can't fully explain why, other than it feels unfair, and so she turns to you. I think this would be one of the very few moments in which you will see Sonetto cry, in which Sonetto will internalize a very important thing: if she ever feels afraid, alone or scared, you're the only person she can go to.
This is a lot of text to say that she will die for you because you're the only person who accepts her, the best and worst parts of her. Whereas in the second path, she will die for you because she sees you as superior, as someone who deserves to live more than her.
Aside from this analysis, I do have a few cute headcanons!
Lots and lots of puppy behaviour. If left alone for long periods of time, Sonetto defaults to trailing after you. She just likes to orbit around you, which is great if you're overprotective. And if you happen to be busy, she simply trails after Vertin instead.
Sonetto doesn't show off when working, given how seriously she takes her role, but as soon as she's done with a mission, she will ask you to rate her performance. Partially, she does it because she genuinely cares about staying on top of her training and you're the one person who knows her the best, but it's also her way of asking for attention, I don't think she even realizes that she's seeking out validation lol. Please, feel free to pet her head or fret over her.
I think Sonetto has a lot of control, so she wouldn't slip and accidentally address you as her big sibling--but if someone else were to address you as such, she won't correct them.
Whenever Sonetto struggles with her art and poetry, she goes to you first and foremost. I do think that if you're the type to constantly hype her up regardless of what she's created, she will slowly stop showing you her work out of embarrassment and because she needs someone who can give her a proper critique.
The same way some of your gestures and expressions rub off on her, you WILL end up picking up some italian and some hand gestures from her. Everyone loves to point out whenever this happens.
Sonetto can pretty much take whenever others tease her about whatever--on one hand because she may not understand that they're teasing her, on the other because she's rather stoic in social situations. But when YOU do it and go a little too far, she WILL start a very heated rant about how inconsiderate you are why would you bring this up now can you please not talk about this it's not the appropriate time or place please do not talk about her relationship with Vertin it is so unprofessional what even is there to talk about do not bring up that one time she messed up and called the instructor mom please do not talk about her first few incantations PLEASE FOCUS ON THE JOB.
#reverse 1999#reverse: 1999#reverse 1999 headcanons#reverse 1999 x reader#reverse 1999 sonetto#sonetto#can you tell i love when siblings influence each other#i have a very sour relationship with my brother. but sometimes its fun to realize that i make the exact same expressions as him#or that we say shit in a very similar tone and shit#or that something that i like is because of him and viceversa
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☆━━━━━ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☾ ◯ ☽₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ━━━━━━☆
✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ INTRODUCTION ⌝
sampo theory masterlist
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— hello & welcome to my dark twisted mind (full of sampo theories)
— this is the first major analysis project i’ve taken on, so i’m very excited to lay out all the evidence i’ve found — i’m trying to keep it as open-ended & -minded as possible, even though i’m biased out of sheer interest towards the aha!sampo theory.
— i’m sure there are things in here that are common knowledge, but since i tracked down every single sampo reference and voice line (literally) on the wiki during an obsession-induced state for the better part of two months, i’m hoping there’s some information here that may be new or less-discussed as well!
— i’ll be uploading each sub-topic as a separate post (because i have a lot to say about so many things), but depending on your preferences you can always follow/block the ⌞ 🎭 ⌝ tag, which is going to be the tag i use for anything relating to this project.
— here’s a brief outline of the topics i’ll be covering:
visual cues + art (aha splash art, kit, body language & confidence, performance & performative emotion, eidolons, etc.)
vocal cues + voicelines (third person references, voicelines, worldview, self-awareness, gender, etc.)
scene analysis (intro scene, belobog, sampo & sparkle’s conversation, fourth wall breaking, mr. cold feet, dream bubbles, etc.)
specific topics (placement in the narrative, jokes & situational comedy, the astral express, etc.)
specific theories (“retirement,” playing the long game, risk vs. reward, man or muppet?, “committed to the bit,” aha is not exempt from The Rules, etc.)
emanator!sampo (vicarious emanator (“functional aha”), power scaling, etc.)
extra info on the masked fools as an organization, aeonic consciousness, and sampo character details outside of the aha!sampo theory
as well as counterarguments and a conclusion + anything i feel like adding along the way!
— the next few posts i’ll be uploading will be my masterlists (yes, plural, i am insane 😔💔) so i can get ahead of the curve, then it’s onto the real meat of things. this is a passion project for me, so i am very grateful for everyone’s support thus far (seriously, y'all are so sweet) !!
— as always, feel free to send me asks if you want elaboration on one thing or another, or just want to talk about your own thoughts/theories. hope you enjoy!
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© analysis by sunderingstars. do not copy, repost, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.
#⌞ ༄ cosmic.wind: hsr ⌝#⌞ 🎭 ⌝#sampo#sampo koski#hsr theory#analysis#hsr#honkai star rail#honkai: star rail#aha the elation#aha!sampo
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Hi, I know it's been a while but it's allo (autistic? unsure what tag to use) anon here again. I just wanted to say congratulations on the project! I showed it to my girlfriend and she was really happy, when it comes out we will definitely read it together. I am proud to see you doing new and exciting things, and I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors! You're doing amazing already and I look forward to seeing you continue on whatever path you want to take with your creative work :)
Sorry I didn't message again sooner, things in real life have been... a lot. I still try to check this blog when I can. Your art is still adorable, and I also wanted to say thank you for your comics about fandom and the stuff that people say to aro/ace people. As someone who is very invested in media analysis(TM) and fandoms, I have noticed some behaviour that is really weird and uncomfortable, and it's good to see other people speaking out about it.
Also, not to decenter your experience, but the comic about labels really hit home for me. When I first got diagnosed it explained so much about my struggles and why I felt the way I did. It was groundbreaking to understand that I wasn't just a broken person or full of character flaws, but that things like sensory issues were just part of being who I am. I don't know if you meant it this way, but I really love the yellow colour of the thought bubbles and the little flowers. I know some people say it's pathologizing or too restrictive to cling to labels so much, but it really is a relief to be given something that helps you understand yourself and feel so much less alone. I am glad you were able to find your identity and community. It's so cool that now you get to make those posts, and probably reach others!
I just wanted to pop in again and say I love your stuff, and it's so cool to see other people loving and engaging with it too. I hope you have a wonderful day/night, passe une bonne journée/nuit <3
P. S. I hope that's how you say it, I'm using google translate.
Heyyyy!!^^ Thank you so much for reaching out again and for all the encouragement and support! I hope you and your girlfriend are doing OK^^ And please don't apologize for not reaching out for a while, I'm happy whenever you do at all but it's very fair to have a lot going on otherwise! If anything I hope things are a bit easier now, so to speak.
Also don't worry about decentering my experience by sharing yours when you relate! I'm a big believer in intersectional discussion, I think people from marginalised groups could benefit a great deal from standing together to defend common interests, and if we can relate to each other's experiences in some way even just a little, although we know and acknowledge they're all different, I'm sure we can go a long way. So I sincerely appreciate you sharing, honestly!! (I'm also really grateful you liked the way I graphically conveyed it, that is a challenge in and of itself^^)
Again, thank you so much for all the positive feedback and support, and thanks for taking the time to add some French in as well, very kind of you^^
Hope you have a great day ahead!
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PLEASE talk more about DurgeWyll and Hozier, PLEASE... I am rotating the songs you posted and the vision is so good
thank you for asking me :) (the doors close sealing you in the crypt)
i joke. ok first of all i need to cite ten @bladesmitten as a resident durgewyll expert and direct you to his blog... she's written some incredible fic & analysis of the durgewyll romance and made a lot of gorgeous wyll edits and art in general, can't rec his blog enough.
i have sadly never played through the durgewyll romance & only watched it so there are undoubtedly story details i am unaware of. alas i have only played the tav version of his romance so far
some spoilers for durge beneath the cut. i tried to be vague but a warning there. also i didnt stick my oar into unreal unearth or any of the adjacent eps for that album .. sorry
all that being said here are my 2 cents
i think the main draw for picking hozier songs for durgewyll is that incredibly sexy dynamic they have of being each other's foil as well as each other's love interest. both wyll and durge are bound to an inescapable doom within the story: to pay with their body and soul for the fate of baldur's gate. durge must destroy it to please their father, wyll must save it. (wyll's saved it already, at the cost of his soul, and durge has to sacrifice their soul to destroy it as (redacted), but i wont go further on that tangent lol. its fascinating though.)
i think a core concept of wyll to focus on here as well is his faith. in his act 2 dance scene, in response to one of the dialogue options, wyll replies that he 'still keeps faith in the old tales of true love'- this is crucial. wyll is the man to whom the gods gave a cold shoulder. he has no love or faith for them. but he keeps faith in the old tales- he keeps faith, specifically, in durge.. 'his greatest adventure'.. and if durge chooses to resist their father's authority, they spurn a god for wyll's sake. there's an incredible amount of mutual devotion there.
there is also the monster hunter/monster dynamic. i haven't delved into it much here bc i am more interested in how eerily wyll and durge parallel each other as twin mirrors and exiles from the gate, the light and dark sides, sharing almost a common doom, trapped in the long shadows of their fathers.... man. but the monster dynamic should absolutely be examined and explored, it's fascinating. i think it's another compelling aspect of wyll's character. he's a man with a lot of resonant contradictions. a monster hunter who refuses to hunt the monster of baldur's gate and instead severs them from the one who made them .... a monster hunter who holds out his hand to the monster he is supposed to kill... wyll's love of the mysterious and strange and his kindness, i think, predispose him to see durge as an ally and a friend. not from naivete, but from an open heart
my hozier picks for durgewyll overall:
it will come back - i love the way the view shifts in this. one of my top durgewyll picks for the way it evokes a lot of the horror & tragedy that wyll looks into and doesnt flinch away from & the hunger durge has toward wyll extending his own lonely & friendly hand
shrike - i see this as primarily from durge's view. picked for the devotion & regret
NFWMB - applies beautifully to both of them. theeeee durgewyll song to me from andy's works... consider the lyrics from both person's perspective to feel the world open beneath your feet lol
as it was - ditto, i think it encompasses both perspectives. also one of my favorite songs he wrote so im biased lmao. i think this is another very resonant choice for the durgewyll dynamic
like real people do - feels an overly obvious pick but it could work especially well for a resist durge
no plan - could be an intriguing choice. i can't quite swing it but some of the lines in this for durgewyll... i like them...
you could definitely make a case for from eden for another from durge's view. gives me a feeling of a durge who's not resisting but idk
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trying to explain to my best friend that while aftg is a mafia book, the mafia isn't even the most prevalent theme and how really it's a love story at it's core but not in a fairytale way rather in the way horror movies are love stories
#does this make sense?#I've tried explain to her the books so many times and have done it zero justice#yet somehow her biggest argument is that she doesn't like mafia books#and im like babe no#it's not a cool hot sexy mafia book#its “oh no these people are actually going to kill me but a random 5 ft nothing blonde kid promised to keep me alive”#i could write an introspective essay on aftg and it's themes#as well as a character analysis to go with it#aftg#the foxhole court#all for the game#andreil#tfc#andrew minyard#neil josten#nora sakavic
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ty lee is by far the most underrated atla character imo. as far as minor principal players, it’s easy to disregard her as the least fleshed out fire nation kid, the most underdeveloped. her role as a foil to any of the main characters is vague, and many people just assume she’s there to bring some sort of levity and humor to azula’s plotline. she’s dismissed as the pretty ditzy girl, or even (shudders) “the bimbo.” but when you actually make the effort to consider what we do see of her, to extrapolate from her few yet crucial scenes anything regarding her underlying motivations, you quickly realize that one of the most layered, multifaceted, compelling, intriguing, ambiguous, and perhaps even straight up insane characters in the entire show has been hiding in plain sight all along. and also that that’s the entire point.
#SHE DIDNT JUST FOOL AZULA (& al) SHE ALSO FOOLED US! THE AUDIENCE!!!#or well. most of you. not me tho im different#ty lee#I love you commentary on femininity and power dynamics girl#it feels like only mailee and tyzula shippers actually give a shit abt her#(tysuki shippers too i guess)#but even individually she is just. SO fascinating!!!!#masks & performance & acrobatics & taking you down from the inside!!!!!#I need to write an actual longass character analysis of her someday#I know I already kind of did but it was pretty shallow iirc#I think I can go deeper.
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My Lawyer is going to Get Your Ass.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangyao#jiang cheng#nie huaisang#wei wuxian#lan wangji#elle woods#That's right. All this time I was building up towards this punchline.#The pink legal eagle Elle Woods is canonical to the PD-MDZS universe. This will make no sense if you are new around here.#The phone lwj pulls out of his bag of holding has one function. And it's to call Elle Woods. An omniscient and legendary cultivator.#The mandarin is very messy but probably self explanatory. I can only hope it is legible...#Referencing Danganrompa (Sore wa chigau yo!) and Ace Attorney was not on my bingo card for things I would end up doing-#-but it has happened and I am rolling with it. Even if it means a lot is going on in this comic!#the core joke here is that wwx finds himself in a impromptu court and gets a lawyer involved.#A lawyer AU fits these characters so well I am once again blinking long and slow at everyone who’s made an AU for it#Not a single whisper of story analysis in these tags today. It's pure whimsy on the menu.#I am placing a little treat outside of your door. It's a cold world out there and there is so little whimsy to be found.
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Something I think about way too much is how Chuuya’s accelerated healing & (for the most part) physical invulnerability probably reinforced his beliefs that he isn’t human for a long time. And even now, it’s probably still a plaguing thought that he has to fight against.
The fact that one of the only things that causes him to sustain physical damage is the very power that he feels segregates him from humanity.
The fact that during one of the only times that Chuuya is physically vulnerable— for that short period after corruption— Dazai is the only one who gets to see him like that. And how it’s in those moments that Dazai is most tender with Chuuya.
#hoshikawa captures the horror of it so well#while harukawa captures the isolation beautifully#both are true and important. meanwhile Dazai being like#your beauty never ever scared me#i’ve been wanting to do a deep read through of the manga and post my thoughts as i go#so maybe posting this will finally push me to start#rambling about bsd again#bsd#bungou stray dogs#nakahara chuuya#bsd chuuya#skk#soukoku#bsd dazai#bsd meta#bsd analysis#character analysis
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oh the subtle shift in chips behaviour after trading away his memory of killing someone for price
because he's more careless than he was before, less opposed to jay and gillions random "let's just kill this guy" suggestions its so subtle but its still there
anyways bizly when i get you bizly
#chips character development makes me go crazy#tbf all of them make me crazy but yknow#if im misremembering stuff im sorry this might just be Wrong but#oh well i was thinking about it#artandbrimstone rambles#jrwi riptide#jrwi#chip jrwi#jrwi chip#just roll with it riptide#jrwi analysis#jrwi thoughts
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bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.
#i hate when ppl make him out to be a sadistic villain with no remorse. like did we read the same manga 💀#but at the same time he is NOT crying abt all the ppl he sent to the grave. he sleeps just fine at night knowing he committed atrocities#yes he feels remorse? but he isn't like kunikida to weep at someone's grave for failing to save them#and then we have his emotions themselves#dazai isn't emotionless. far from it. he has difficulty expressing affection but yk he finds someone endearing when he trusts them#trust is very important to dazai and is one of the aspects of human emotion that he can fully grasp#but like everything else is in a hazy gray area that he does not feel like exploring. he feels alienated from his humanity bc of this#AUUUGHH can someone help me with character analysis PLEASE#I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS MF UNTIL RECENTLY SO I MISSED OUT ON A LOT OF IMPORTANT DETAILS#see i would go and reread a few light novels but like i don't have time for that#and this is for dazai specifically. i am very well versed on his relationships w other charcaters#but just like asigiri himself said: it's very difficult to write dazai and write him WELL#so yeaaa i have a lot of smart ppl following me pls help#bsd#ALSO MY FRIEND STILL HAS NO LONGER HUMAN UUUUGHHHHHH I NEED THAT BACK BC I TABBED IT A SHIT TON#FOR LIKE CONNECTIONS TO YOZO AND BSD DAZAI AND WHERE ASIGIRI DREW INSPIRATION FROM YOZOS CHARACTER FOR DAZAI#THAT WOULD BE SUCH A VALUABLE FUCKING RESOURCE BC I DID SOME ANNOTATIONS IN THEM TOO BUT MY BOOK IS ANOTHER FUCKING STATE#I HATE IT HERE FML
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