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danteinthedevildom · 3 years

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yes! i hate it when people say belphie doesnt care for mc, this is a personal opinion but i feel like even if we werent related to lilith (and somehow we came to life again) he would be close to us, and try. seeing how the people he cares about the most react to someone he thought was just a human dying would probably push him to get to know MC. i know some people also think and argue that beel sees MC as a replacement for lilith too; but i know 100% he doesnt, he hasnt been able to verbally talk about his sisters passing to anyone, i mean almost right after she died belphie was taken away and beel assumed he was in the human world on "buisness", so for beel to openly talk about lilith with us as much as he does it feels special. i know he sees mc as their own person because of how much hes able to share with us, beel talking with mc about his feelings means hes able to finally move on, not to say that he'll forget about her, but he knows hes ready to finally stop beating himself up for it yk? i feel like people were also conflicted about seeing belphie as someone who cares for mc, especially the 180 he does when he finds out we're liliths relative; but belphie has had so much trauma, seeing the person he loved the most die, being separated from his brothers for years and years, etc. he was locked away with his mental illness for a long time, the anger bottled up and he took it out on mc, of course it explains it but it doesnt excuse it, you can still continue to hate belphie idc but i feel like he loves mc more than the other brothers do because of it, its the same thing with beel, mc allowed both of them to cope and talk to them about their sisters passing, yk?

Honestly the whole of Chapter 16 and associated fallout is p. controversial simply bc of it being us that it happens to; the game's written for us to imprint on the MC, and because of that, some scenes - like Belphie's betrayal and his glee at having killed MC - becomes very, very personal. It's very easy after that to become biased against a character, because there's genuine emotional scarring that we're left with as players that the game then just... fails to acknowledge to its fullest. (Which is why we get so many "MC might have forgiven Belphie but I haven't" fics on AO3.)

But to say that Belphie doesn't care for MC is just. Wrong. And I can def. get your annoyance on that!

He didn't care for MC to begin with, yes; MC was a random human he knew nothing about, a ticket to freedom and the first step into enacting revenge for something he's carried with him for millenia. They didn't matter to him outside of that because he never got to see them - or spend actual time with them - outside of the short visits they could afford to update him on their pact progress. That's undeniable.

But to say that he still doesn't ignores the entire point of the Lilith revelation. Being related to her gives Belphie something to connect with MC over. It gives him a reason to overcome his hatred of humanity and to bond with MC in general - which is selfish, yes, and kind of shitty, true, but so much of Belphie's (admittedly misplaced) anger comes from being a survivor of an incredibly one-sided war and (arguably, in his mind) the reason Lilith died to begin with. Because Beel saved him instead of her.

It's not like any of them were ever given a good way to cope with the trauma of the Fall, or Lilith's death. It's not like any of them even knew her actual fate until Chapter 16. Belphie's way of coping was to become apathetic, and to try and place the blame onto something he could take action against.

To him, that meant humanity. Because she fell in love with a human. Because they'd already fought God and lost, so he wasn't going to get closure there - but maybe ending the cause for her death would help the hurt.

He hated humans because of Lilith. In the realm of good story-telling, the best way to end that hatred is likewise through Lilith. Stories are best when they have that cyclical nature to them - especially since it can then transition into Belphie overcoming his trauma (and Lilith's death) through humanity.

So, yeah; it's a selfish reason to get close to someone, to take back the really horrific thing you were going to do, but all of Belphie's anger stemmed from the Fall and what he perceived as her death. Finding out that she didn't actually die? That she became human - became the very thing he wanted to destroy - and lived out a long life? That she had children, and that her family line is still alive in MC? Of course that's going to stop him dead in his tracks. And of course he's going to want to get close to MC, the last remaining fragment of the sister he's dedicated his entire life post-Fall mourning.

Belphie's an incredibly apathetic character by nature. He doesn't care about a lot of things, and everything he cares about is overshadowed by how much he loves Lilith. He needs that connection to get him out of his natural apathy. He cares about Lilith above all else; he'll care about MC at the drop of a dime if they're anything to do with her.

But that's not a bad thing. It means there's an opportunity for him to genuinely get to know who MC is, in a positive light.

It's an opportunity for him to try and make a connection with MC that simply wouldn't have existed otherwise, and through them, to finally, finally put his memory of Lilith to rest. And he does! He gets to know MC, gets to know why Beel adores them so much - outside of just being "Lilith's descendant" - and ends up loving them for who they are.

He puts his hatred of humanity and his single-minded attachment to Lilith behind him, and he still cares for MC. He wouldn't do this if he'd really not formed some sort of bond with them before that point. If he only cared for them because they're a fragment of Lilith, then they'd mean nothing to him once Lilith wasn't such a fervent part of his daily life.

I think the game's just... really bad at showing that, however. You put it really well when you called it a 180, because in all honesty? The game glosses over it much too quickly, and doesn't do a totally good job explaining the logic behind why he'd change his mind so fast.

There's not enough time spent on allowing MC - and the player - to overcome the emotional wreckage of Chapter 16 + fallout. We're not given the chance to process it before Belphie has, to build up a natural relationship with him that transitions slowly from him seeing MC as a Lilith-connection to him seeing them as their own, defined person. It's way too easy to still be emotionally hung up on it while he seems perfectly fine and dandy.

On your bit abt him overcoming it even without the connection to Lilith - I agree tbh! There is a lot Belphie would do for Beel, and I genuinely think seeing how against him Beel is after killing MC, even if they're brought back to life, would ruin him. Belphie being locked up, trying to convince Beel that he was doing the right thing, only for Beel to disagree with him and show genuine anger/disgust, would knock the world from under his feet. If he thought trying to hurt MC would make him lose Beel too - if Beel pleaded with him to just play nice, because he can't choose between them both, not again - he'd likely (albeit begrudgingly) postpone his intended revenge plot.

And he'd try to stay bitter, and for a long time he likely would - but then he'd see how happy Beel is with MC around, and how much it means to Beel that they seem to get along, and how much Beel opens up to them about Lilith, and he'd start to... reconsider. Just a little. Just a bit. Moment by moment, day by day, until he realises that MC isn't a replacement for Lilith, but that they bring something to the table that the brothers have been missing for a long, long time.

Which would afford Belphie the moment of catharsis; where he finally, on a quiet night, opens up about the Fall. How he felt, how angry he is, how helpless. How much he misses her, how the pain and hurt consumes his every thought. And then the player would get the chance to overcome the emotional strain with Belphie, showing him that his anger shouldn't be aimed at humanity when his Father is the one at fault, and Belphie, very quietly, admitting that they're right.

It could work, and work well. It's just a point of finding - and hitting - the right story beats.

On the topic of Beel - honestly, the concept that he sees MC as a replacement for Lilith is just... I personally couldn't imagine it. I can see how someone else could - being her descendant, the attic sandwich club, their little escapade together once Belphie's back in with the family - but that includes seriously misreading/ignoring a lot of Beel's character arc/development.

Beel talks to MC about Lilith and Belphie way before he knows anything about their relation to her. He sees a lot of her in them, yes - he mentions this a few times, I think, in relation to little things they do - but he also sees a lot of what he wants to be in them - which is best seen in their ability to defend both himself and Luke, which be very subtly compares to his own inability to save both Lilith and Belphie.

To Beel, MC stands as something a little idealised. MC is everything good he saw in Lilith (as well as some of the things he loves most about Belphie), and everything he wishes he could have been. MC is a reason to be better, stronger, more capable - both so he can protect them the way they protect others, and so he can feel as if he's on their level.

But that doesn't mean he sees them as a replacement to the people he's lost. It's arguable that he's projecting, sure, I'll admit that; he sees things he misses most of the people he's lost in MC, and I'm sure forming a bond with them helped him cope while he was without Belphie. But MC is still always MC to him. They're always still their own person, and someone he cares for because of that fact.

Beel cares too much about his family to replace them with someone else. Lilith meant too much to him as a person for him to look at MC and actually see Lilith. He misses her, not the idea of her. He feels guilt that he couldn't save her. His trauma revolves almost entirely around the failure of (self imposed) duty and the subsequent loss of life. His Survivor's Guilt is the main reason Beel can't put her memory to rest - because he's constantly haunted by the thought that he could have saved her.

His trauma, the way it is, does not create a setting where he would believably see MC as a replacement for Lilith. He's all too aware that she's gone. He's all too aware that he lost something he can never get back that day. Her memory is special to him, and being unable to talk about her hurts him because that's a bit like killing her off for good.

MC can't replace Lilith, even being Lilith's descendant, and I genuinely can't believe that Beel would even want them to. He's so defensive over Belphie and Lilith, even just over the memory of them; to suggest that MC could replace one of them I feel would anger him more than anything. Not only because it's an insult to Lilith, but because it's an insult to the person MC is. To the person Beel admires.

With just how much he cares about Lilith, I think Beel's enhanced attachment to MC is more the steadfast defence of her lineage to make up for what he couldn't do for her. He still sees MC as their own person, it's just that now... now he has a chance to make up for what he failed at before. And bit by bit, he can learn to forgive himself. Can learn to stop blaming himself for something that was never his fault to begin with.

Belphie and Beel have a special relationship with MC because MC is a direct link to Lilith that helps them overcome their individual Lilith-related traumas. They're naturally going to be closer to MC due to this, yeah, but that's... not the only reason they're close to MC. To try and push down everything they feel and do with MC to "it's only because MC is Lilith's descendant" is to. Well. A) make an incredibly unsatisfying story and character development, but also B) completely ignore that MC helps them bury the memory Lilith. MC helps them move on. Their care and love for MC is what helps them finally let go - to stop living in the past, in hurt, and to finally take a step forward to a future without the weight of Lilith's death constantly burdening them.

Like. If Solmare had just spend a little more time on these two, that might be clearer. Because it's definitely there! And it's why I love Belphie and Beel so, so much. But it's also fully understandable why some players still really dislike Belphie, or why they're not convinced that Belphie/Beel see MC as anything outside of Lilith, bc the game does kind of fail on that a little by rushing a bit too much. Just. Aagh!! You know?

I could honestly go on abt them for hours. So I should prolly stop here before I go on too long adfgh.

#obey me #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #I still have no idea what to tag half of my shit as adfgh

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blookmallow · 4 years

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and now we return to outlast 2, where-

THINGS KEEP GETTING SO, SO MUCH WORSE

(i have... a LOT im trying to process about this whole section sorry for upcoming text walls. really nasty #blood / #gore in here as well though) (i didnt realize i was This far behind on liveblogs lmao i drafted this. a while ago and didnt get back to it until now)

---

so i fell off the bridge (shock. horror. who could have predicted this) and right into the scalled village

what.............happened to you

fuCKING GO D

so it turns out “the scalled” are... some kind of leper colony banned from the town and left to fester and rot out here alone

most of them are just lying around suffering and dying, i dont know what the fuck happened to them, there’s some mention of like. wildly untreated syphilis/potentially other stds they’re being told is their curse for the sins they’ve committed but does.... syphilis do that to you. it might actually be leprosy i dont know i dont want to research this. all i can think about is when i watched jesus christ superstar in high school and the leper colony song where they’re all crowding around jesus all trying to touch him REALLY freaked me out for a while

i mean its like. probably a combination of disease left horrifically untreated and massively infected given the absolutely appalling conditions these people are living in (everything’s run down and full of blood and shit and who knows what else), starvation, who knows what they’re even finding to eat out here so that’s probably causing even more disease but still jesus christ

at first it just made me really sad, sure these people came from temple gate too so they were. fucked up cultists to begin with but a lot of this is like... result of longterm emotional and mental abuse and manipulation, some of these people might not have started out as depraved evil murderers, and like. nobody deserves to live like this. except knoth lmao throw him down here, but

so i thought maybe it would turn out that you realize they’re human too, they’re just in a fucking LOT of pain and maybe you can’t do anything to help them (i dont think there’s any hope for anyone down here at this point) but maybe they’d turn out to be on my side and do something to help me fight back against the leader who abandoned them, “the most absolutely fucked up looking people are actually the most human” kind of thing but uh. that is not how things went. at all,

ill get into How Fucking Bad this got in a second lmao but like

most of them dont really do anything to you other than bleed on you and beg you for help, some people lash out but thats like, understandable given the horrifying state they’re in, but

as it turns out, being the “scalled messiah” is a VERY bad thing, they went from occasionally lashing out at me to outright tracking me down to murder me to death which, like, honestly kind of disappointing

bc one of the things i liked the most about the first outlast was how many of the prisoners were clearly just victims too, some of them (lookin at you, naked twin guys,) were just evil and murderous but some of them were just very very mentally unwell (exacerbated by horrible living conditions and the fact that the people who were supposed to be protecting them and helping them recover were actively, intentionally working to make their symptoms worse) and couldn’t really be blamed for acting violently toward you, but

then sometimes there’s people who warn you about dangers ahead, people sitting in corners hiding and scared and wont hurt you unless you give them a reason to think you might be a threat, people just trying to stay alive, people who need help

but that’s. not the case here, and there’s definitely a particular kind of horror in “absolutely no one in this hell town can be trusted, nobody will help me, everyone here wants to hurt me and every time i think ive made any kind of progress it gets so much worse” (except that ONe guy who tried to protect me. im still sad about him) but. i dont know i feel like there’s a missed opportunity here. im not sure if im supposed to feel like the scalled deserve to be like this because of the kind of people they were before, but i dont. i feel like the “what the fucking shit HAPPENED to these people” horror is heightened by the realization that they’re people, and just kinda using them as attack zombies is. missing something, somehow. i dont know, i cant figure out how to word what i want to say here

i mean its absolutely fucking horrifying, i was scared out of my mind going through all this, and i still gotta give props to a video game experience that left me legitimately feeling like i needed to go take a shower and crawl under a blanket for a while

i guess ultimately with outlast im coming here to be scared shitless more than anything else and boy did they ever fucking deliver

ok im gonna stop bc i will keep talking in circles about this forever if i dont, moving on

WHAT EVEN ARE THESE GUYS, APART FROM COMPLETELY TERRIBLE

im guessing theres some kind of... inbreeding birth defect situation going on here but i cant even process what im looking at

that and its hard to look at them at all considering the only times i see them im getting murdered to death. my panicked screenshots hoping to get a better look later did not help

PRETTY SURE THEY JUST MADE HIM DRINK THEIR BLOOD,

how the fuck has my dude not thrown up like 90 times already. im glad he hasnt bc im bad emetophobia but outlast 1 did it so im honestly surprised that hasnt happened unless ive just forgotten it in the blur of nightmares im going through here

THAT’S... NOT GOOD

THAT IS REALLY, REALLY NOT GOOD

FUCK SHIT MOTHERFUCKING FUCK

i gotta say im impressed with how FAR they GO with this one, i have no idea how much game i have left but considering this isnt even the ending i am HORRIFIED to see what the fuck is gonna happen next

i mean outlast 1 has you getting your fucking fingers sliced off and whistleblower has. That Scene (even though like. it stops before waylon actually gets cut its REALLY CLOSE)

this whole time i kept thinking something would happen and they’d get interrupted, I’d escape somehow, they aren’t really going to have the player character get literally fucking crucified from your own perspective,

but then the nails go in

and you’ve got one hand literally nailed to a cross

and then they start the other one

and i was like, WOW FUCK, THEY ACTUALLY DID IT, BUT NOW HE’LL ESCAPE... SOMEHOW.... RIGHT ???

but they lift it up

and you’re hanging there

and for a second i legitimately thought it was gonna end there for him, i thought he was actually just going to die there and the game would continue with lynn or something (which, to be fair, would be a pretty cool twist, but i dont WANT blake to just die here like this)

ANYWAY!! FUCKING GOD, THAT SURE HAPPENED

but against all odds HE SOMEHOW DIDNT FUCKING DIE, and managed to find the strength to rIP HIS HANDS OUT OF THE NAILS AND FALL DOWN

i cannot fucking IMAGINE what that would feel like. i dont want to imagine it but i sure the fuck am now

i dont know if its possible to like. die from bleeding out in this scene if you dont find the bandages fast enough but it sure felt like i was going to

fucking hell i can practically feel it in my real hands i HATE THIS i HATe it

god. fuck. im gonna be thinking about this scene for the rest of my life i didnt think anything would ever be worse than the finger slicing scene in outlast 1 but this. i think this wins

wHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!??? THERES SOMETHING CHASING ME IN THE SCHOOL FLASHBACKS NOW IM NOT EVEN SAFE HERE ANYMORE

WHAT *IS* THAT??!??

w OA h

i still have no IDEA whats going on with these flashbacks either, clearly his classmate hung herself and he feels subconsciously responsible for it because he didn’t do anything to stop her (though it doesn’t sound like he Could have done anything, and. they were kids), there’s definitely some buried trauma he never dealt with thats resurfacing now but

i still dont think its just a manifestation of trauma, because like. the recordings are still coming out as fucked up static, if he was just having really intense hallucinations there wouldn’t be any record on the camera, it would just be him filming nothing and talking to himself through a panic attack, it wouldn’t be getting consistently corrupted ONLY during the flashbacks so what the fuck is happening

COLA

DRINK IT

i m losing it its the cola machines from the first game i diD NOT EXPECT THESE TO BE HERE

what the fuck is christian salad

you didn’t think i would see this, outlast devs, you thought you could hide this on the menu board and i wouldnt notice. i did notice and i demand answers

NO!!!! THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF OKAY THIS IS THE LEAST OKAY I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE

WELL!!!!! OKAY!!!! ALRIGHT!!!! NOW THAT I’VE BEEN LITERALLY FUCKING CRUCIFIED, FELL DOWN A HILL AND STRAIGHT INTO A FENCE OF BARBED WIRE, GOT DRAGGED OUT HERE AND BURIED ALIVE, CRAWLED MY WAY OUT OF MY OWN GRAVE AND NOW HAVE HOARDS OF DISEASED ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE CULTISTS SEARCHING FOR ME SO THEY CAN DEVOUR MY FLESH, LET’S GET GOING, SHALL WE

THIS IS FINE!!! EVERYTHING IS FINE I CANT SEE SHIT AND THERES NOTHING BUT TREES AND BARBED WIRE EVERYWHERE AND NO INDICATIONS WHATSOEVER OF WHERE I NEED TO GO BUT IT’S F IN E IM DOING GREAT

#lucy plays outlast 2 #was further behind than i thought lmao but heres some more

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joshuabehr · 7 years

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International Men's Day

Today is International Men's Day. Which means in large part it's no different than any day. Although much of the idea a day dedicated to men doesn't sit well with me, I do appreciate at least one aspect of this days intentions: to raise awareness for mental health issues affecting men. Specifically, men are far more likely to commit suicide, due in large part to society molding men to think that talking about their emotions or seeking help is a weakness. "Be a man". "Boys don't cry". Countless other phrases and mindsets mold men into thinking that expressing their emotions in a healthy way isn't what men do. So for International Men's Day, as cringe worthy as that sounds, I wanted to write a bit more about my mental health issues, but also about the woman who is responsible for finally changing me. By being the biggest part of my life, and by then being completely removed from it.

I personally have been very guilty of ignoring my mental health and expressing my emotions in an unhealthy way, largely as a product of the environment I was raised in and my own unwillingness to seek help until a few months ago. My mother's alcoholism, which I've detailed in length in several Facebook posts, created trust issues, commitment issues, and abandonment issues that affected my ability to create and maintain interpersonal relationships, especially when it came to forming romantic relationships that requires utter vulnerability. My Dad was hyper-critical of my brother and I growing up and only knew how to express his feelings through anger. This caused me to become a "perfectionist", afraid to make a single mistake, critical of others mistakes, and unwilling to admit I was less than perfect. Because to be less than perfect was to be a failure.

Combining my parents issues caused anger to be the only way I expressed my emotions. I couldn't take out my feelings of frustration and helplessness on my parents, so I took them out on my brother. Then my friends later in life. I couldn't stand up for myself. And I felt powerless. Rather than let myself be vulnerable and able to be hurt again and again as a child, I bottled up my emotions. I pretended to be okay. If I didn't talk about the problems at home, I wouldn't think about them as much. And then I wouldn't feel them. This continued into my adult life. I had trouble making friends, afraid to be myself around people. Afraid they wouldn't like me. Afraid they'd hurt me, like my parents did.

The friends I did make usually would be shocked to know how much I struggle with mental health. But I've always been a very performative person, able to pretend everything was okay just to get people to like me. Just to get them to think I was normal. My closest friends have seen my anger issues. I've gotten into fights with several friends when my anger boiled over. As shameful as that sounds. Others have seen me distance myself rather than be close enough to be best friends. Because the closer I let people, the more vulnerable I was, the more I could be hurt. So I pushed back.

Romance didnt fare much better. Those of you who know me are likely aware of my history of drunken makeouts at parties, pining after women who didn't share my feelings, etc. Before her there were a solid 7 or so years of one night make outs, or months and months of chasing the same girl who clearly wasn't interested. My confidence was always shaky at best. But night in and night out I was almost always after some girl. Or two. I was constantly seeking affection because my Mom never showed me maternal love. And failed attempt after failed attempt only made my trust issues worse. I *thought* she seemed into me. Guess I was wrong. And because I wasn't consciously aware of my mental health issues, I kept trying the same method without changing anything. Pretty sure that's the definition of insanity...

Things began to change when I met her. She genuinely seemed interested in me. Which was very "new" for me. But also scary. Because I was finally getting what I wanted (a girlfriend) and that was also "new". And new is usually scary for me. Because the unknown can hurt you. But this was what I had spent years chasing. So I kept falling farther and farther for her. Until I finally mustered up the courage to say "I love you". I still remember that night. And numerous others. Like our first kiss. Or our __ month anniversaries.

She made me feel like I could be myself for once in my life and I can't even begin to express how great a feeling that is. I could be a nerd who collected action figures and played video games. I could show my ability to be a gentleman and take a beautiful woman to dinner, but also cry in front of when I was sad or upset. I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She was without a doubt the best thing that ever happened to me up until that point.

But with being myself came the side of me no one before her ever was close enough to see. The side that couldn't control his anger. I could cry, sure, but if I wasn't sad all my other emotions were expressed through anger. I would lose my temper. My anxiety overtook me and kept me constantly on edge. Worst, sh saw the side who couldn't let himself be truly vulnerable. And without that I couldn't maintain a genuine relationship with her or with anyone.

And as our talk of love moved towards "forever", my fear overtook me. I was so terrified of being that in love with someone that I emotionally withdrew from our relationship and began to push her away. Because she was getting close enough that she could hurt me worse than anyone before her could. Because I genuinely wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And that left me paralyzed by fear. So I pushed her away and sabotaged our relationship and things became toxic for the last several months we were together. Ironically I abandoned her in ways similar to what my mother had done to me. And eventually she couldn't stay. She wasn't happy anymore. And we ended.

Which, as horrible as that is, was sadly what I needed to change. My childhood trauma had been so buried, so far down in my subconscious that I wasn't aware of *why* I acted the way I did. I knew what I was doing. And could temporarily correct it. But it wasn't a long term solution because I couldn't fix what was contributing to my actions because I wasn't consciously aware of it. It took an equally traumatic event, losing someone I loved with all of my heart, to shake me out of it and bring all of my issues to the surface, where I could face my demons head on.

For the first time in my life, I had to be accountable for my actions and how they affected someone else. I had to take responsibility for hurting someone I loved. And accept that I had lost her because of the way I was. And that is the hardest thing to do. Sometimes we dont get a second chance, which is a lesson we all need to learn. I had to admit I wasn't perfect. I had faults. And I needed to fix myself. For the first time in my life I had to genuinely care about taking care of my mental health and correct toxic behaviors I had.

So I started therapy 3 months ago. And I've been working day in and day out to fix myself and take care of my mental health. To finally address 27 years of repressed trauma for the first time in my life. Slowly but surely I've unpacked a lot of issues that have plagued me for years. And I've made a lot of progress towards a much, much better me. I recognize my anger when it starts to boil up and can control it. Not always, but much better than I ever have. I can express my emotions. I can communicate how I feel. I'm mindful of how what I say and I do affects others. My empathy has always been there, but now it's at a point where I truly can help other people because for the first time I can help myself too.

But it hasnt been a smooth ride the whole way. I've had nights where I wanted to die, because someone I loved hated me. To have someone you spent every day and night with become a stranger. To have them go from loving you to seeing you as nothing but bad things. I was a toxic person and nothing more. And to be that devalued as a person was one of the most painful things I've experienced.

I've stumbled along the way, and there are days and nights over these last few months I regret. Along with days and nights from my last relationship. Together, that regret keeps me mindful and motivated. When I stumble, I'm aware of it. I can address it. And I can continue to change. And that is huge for me. I continue to push forward and continue to change for the better. Getting closer and closer every day to where I want to be.

So today, International Men's Day, I bring awareness to my own mental health issues and thoughts of suicide. And to the woman who forced me to change. I will always be grateful for her for that, even as sad as I am that it took losing her to be the catalyst to change. I still think of her often, and hope she's happy. She deserves that much and more. But I'm happy to have known her and happy that she's contributed so greatly to me becoming a "real Man". One who can express his emotions in a healthy way. One who takes his mental health seriously. And one who continues to work day in and day out to never be a toxic in any way again.

I know one day soon I'll reach the potential I have. I'm so close I can almost taste it.

#internationalmensday #writing #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #spilled words #my thoughts

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gulescamisade · 7 years

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Alaska: Day 6

DAVE: -at this point, he's probably right up against karkat and mituna. karkat for the purposes of comforting him, and mituna because he's the warmest motherfucker here. and daves likely warmer than mituna, so win-win. he's wide awake, shivering, in an undershirt and boxers. His head is pounding although he feels tired, the dizziness still very much a thing, so much that it's making him sick. he's doing everything he can to stay grounded, which means highly relying on emotional defenses he used a long time ago. GOTTA KEEP GOING. GOTTA STAY ALIVE. even if he feels like he's going to puke-

MITUNA: -His left arm is essentially just for show by now. After it essentially breaking against the wing of a buzzard his arm being separated at the joint entirely, it was useless. Well except for consistently reminding him that he's in excruciating pain. Dave moving causes lava to fire through his nerves, making him scream awake and vomit from pain. These megaman boxers do nothing.-

DAVE: -widens his eyes at the scream and vomiting and turns to look at mituna incredibly apologetically- s sorry

DAVE: k kind of a d dick way to s say s s sorry but i r really am

MITUNA: -He sniffs, wretching a little before regaining what little composure he has. At least this pain distracted from the screams in his head. He doesn't think he could bear hearing Terezi rn-

MITUNA: a7 lea57 i know i75 57ill a77ached hehe FUCK

MINDFANG: -With their talking shes starting to stir from what could supposedly be called sleep, not that she had been able to get more then a few minutes now and then. Shes not far from the pile of boys and she opens her one eye to look at them.-

DAVE: hahaha yeah -he's not quite sure he can make it out of this without frostbite. damn his vulnerable human anatomy and his fucking back which is making it hard to move at all- so

DAVE: anyone got a p plan

MINDFANG: I have.... 8een considering...options. -Takes a short breath in between every few words.-

MITUNA: 5park5 are 57ill ou7 of commi55ion

MITUNA: really 5hor7 lived -Leans more on Dave even though holy shit this hurts. Get this warmth-

MINDFANG: My powers are.... also... still unavaila8le. MINDFANG: I attempted....using them while.... you were sleeping. -Directed at Mituna. Yes she tried to pry into your mind, but sadly to no avail.-

MITUNA: dick move

DAVE: ch challenge one of those asswipes to a r rap battle -chattering teeth- h hey whos that one g guy who l likes troll p pokemon

MINDFANG: Smart actually.... If it.... worked on you... then i could consider...trying it.... on... our guards.

DAVE: ho dont do it

MITUNA: youre 7hinking abou7 7av and ruf

MINDFANG: I just said I cant-- -She hisses and then cringes immediately after. Instant regret her ribcage is onfire.-

DAVE: hey maybe if we just g glue ourselves to each o other we can have o one functioning b body

MITUNA: wi7h wha7 dildo hole

DAVE: good question

MINDFANG: Do you...have...an answer?

DAVE: fuck no

MINDFANG: Then your idea...is useless.

DAVE: d did they also j jack up your s sense of humor

MINDFANG: No, 8ut you seem... to have never had any to 8egin with.

MINDFANG: Also...Fuck jokes right now.

DAVE: burned

DAVE: iced

NYALAH: -with as much blood loss, the trauma of injury that her body has endured, and the lack of treatment, Nyalah is quite literally struggling to be alive right now. The only indication that she ISN'T dead is the shallow tick of her pulse. Otherwise, her blood matted body remains bound and crumbled. Too still against the frozen, terrible conditions of their imprisonment.-

MINDFANG: Refrain from mentioning...ice. -Shes shivering already. Underwear and tanktops do not make for good snow gear.-

DAVE: fire

DAVE: -poor nyalah... he wishes he could help her-

MINDFANG: -Please dont die Nyalah, thats a lot of bodies.-

MINDFANG: 8etter.

DAVE: you know what would be cool

DAVE: having a robot limb

DAVE: hows that workin out for you serko

MITUNA: i could u5e one righ7 abou7 now

MINDFANG: -Shes staring so hard at dave right now.-

MINDFANG: -Maybe if she thinks hard enough he will choke on his own spit.-

MINDFANG: If we survive this...

MINDFANG: Ill 8e certain you get one.

DAVE: thanks

DAVE: youre the real mvp

MINDFANG: You are welcome.

NYALAH: -at some point, her breathing is becoming rapid pants. Limbs twitching with tiny convulsions.-

MITUNA: 5hi7

MINDFANG: -Nyahla gains her attention. Oh dear, looks like the cat isnt going to survive after all.-

MINDFANG: -She frowns. Its really a terrible way to go.-

MITUNA: no no no no no no no -Flops and starts trying to inch to her-

DAVE: anybody know anything medical DAVE: that might help DAVE: -also attempts crawling toward her. Shit his back is SCREAMING-

MINDFANG: Not...without the supplies to...8ack it up.

MINDFANG: -She looks away from Nyalah now, out of respect.- 8e 8etter off ending her suffering.

DAVE: wheres her main injury coming from

DAVE: where is she bleeding out the most -he is working his way out of his under shirt, ripping it with his teeth so he can get it off. he may just have to use it to warm her-

NYALAH: -that would be the stapled gash from the vulture beak on her side. It's been agrivated as they were tossed around and not exactly been allowed to heal. She even lies on her belly as an unconscious attempt to guard it. And with the blood that had seeped from the crushing of her horn, things were not looking up for her.-

DAVE: -he decides YES he will use his shirt to warm her, and just kind of identifies her injuries so he doesn't hurt her, laying the torn shirt over her curled body and positioning himself so he's against her where it's least harmful-

MITUNA: -Gently flops over her to keep her warm-

NYALAH: -after a half hour of difficulty, her breathing begins to stablize and she passes out once again. Still breathing.-

DAVE: -we're doing good. mostly-

NYALAH: -it's another half hour before she starts to stir. Sniffing at the bitter air. What might be Dave's hair.- (hff)

NYALAH: (daven)

DAVE: no the better d dave -ITS SO COLD BUT SHES AWAKE AND TALKING THATS GOOD-

NYALAH: ....none better d than daven only ask him -It's strange. She's not so raspy or slurring at her words like she usually is. Could be she hasnt had nip in a while or. Who knows. She curls closer to him.- huddle

DAVE: ok thats t tmi but yeah huddle -WARMTH-

NYALAH: -shift shift. There's someone draped on her.-

MITUNA: -hisses- ow fuck

NYALAH: wait

NYALAH: -slowly starts to pry herself to sit, regretting her own actions but. She's gotta.- psion

NYALAH: -sniffs him.-

NYALAH: dislocation? -asking for a friend. She's sitting up more now, face scrunched up in pain. There's still a considerable welp on her cheek from being slapped around.-

MITUNA: -Groans- yeah and i 7hink i75 broken below the elbow his arm is having a bad time-

NYALAH: kay -hffs, starting to shrug off Dave's shirt. Using only her toes, she stuffs the rag into Mituna's mouth.-

NYALAH: stay -Now bringing her feet over to set by his shoulder. The contortionist cat. Keeps him in place.- sorry in advances

NYALAH: -and then applies a swift force to snap the joint back into place.-

MITUNA: -His scream dies in his gag. She's forced in back in place but disturbed the stab wound that caused the dislocation in the first place, blood gushing from his shoulder.-

NYALAH: shhhh -picks the shirt from his mouth and presses it against the wound. Brow furrowed in concentration. Even using that much force was agrivating her own wound.- n33ds catalyst

MITUNA: oh my fucking FUCK

NYALAH: lay still -doing her best to staunch the ooze of blood. Eyes bright with pain.-

DAELOS: - swings back into consciousness. he wasn't even aware he has slipped in the first place, he's so cold. he can't believe what he's seeing at first, Nyalah moving around after sustaining such heavy injuries. His snorty breath coming out in puffs as he drags himself over.-

[[ The Expunger isn't around currently, and the legislacerators that are there don't seem to be doing anything to stop their talking or mending one another. One of them simply watches. ]]

NYALAH: -puts her whole blood stained paw foot on Daelos's face.- alive

MITUNA: -Choking back sobs, the air stinging his cheeks- 57op moving dunka55

DAELOS: - Shocked for a second, and then kisses that bloody foot- I can see that

DAELOS: - He has nothing to offer but his weight. He leans it in to help her with Mituna-

DAELOS: - It should make things go faster-

NYALAH: -gross. Totally helping Mituna spoon with Daelos.-

MITUNA: -Jesus Christ his world is on fire. It's hard to tell if the screaming in his head is his or the voices-

DAELOS: - Gently crushes you-

NYALAH: -looking that one Legislacerator in the eyes as she attempts the wiggle her biocuffed arms under her butt. Gonna sit on these arms and manuever them up to her front.-

SEAKRAIT: -watches her do this... and the other legislacerators are too preoccupied looking out around them. She doesn't do anything to stop Nyalah.-

NYALAH: -okay cool. Uses her still bound front paws to keep pressing the shirt to Mituna.- NYALAH: sp33k to me

MITUNA: 7hi5 big blue 7ain7fuck i5 colder 7han fi5h nook

DAELOS: Rude... e%ceedingly rude -he will keep lovingly crushing u tho-

NYALAH: best things in life are cold as fish nook NYALAH: fur example NYALAH: fish nook -chirring as best she can. Comforting.-

MITUNA: -Maybe one day...he will know-

NYALAH: -Pls.-

MINDFANG: -Yall are being gross.-

DAELOS: - Scandalized snort. - Really Nyalah

NYALAH: its survival

MITUNA: -Wonders how Feferi is, suddenly-

FEFERI: -Pretty glubbing dead! Like always!-

MITUNA: -Lol get rekt-

NYALAH: -keeping her arms close to her middle, she is giving these biotech cuffs a careful look ver.-

NYALAH: -discreetly shows them to Daelos for him to have a peep at. He's the one who might know how they work and all.-

DAELOS: - Has an intent peep.-

DAELOS: - Of course he knows how they work, but he kind of averts his gaze. He doesn't want to cause a scene and get someone else battered or killed-

NYALAH: -That's good enough for her. She starts to scoot off and inspect Mindfang.- mrrp

REDGLARE: -She's been pretty quiet-- it's hard to tell the difference between her being awake and her being asleep, aside from the speed of her breathing. Her eye opens, and she casts a glance towards the group-- failing to linger for more than a second on each face-- before closing it again.-

MINDFANG: -Her eyes are shut, she was trying to at least pretend she was asleep in hopes that maybe it would give her a brief reprieve from the pain she was in with fractures and a break or two all over her ribcage. At least she hasnt lost a lung yet.-

MINDFANG: -When Nyalah approaches though her eye squints open.- .........What are you doing. -Keeps her arms wrapped around herself.-

NYALAH: -sniffs her.- s33ing

NYALAH: -scoots painfully past her to inspect Redglare.-

REDGLARE: -her leg is gross. bad and getting worse a little too rapidly. She doesn't acknowledge her outwardly.-

MINDFANG: You yourself should 8e resting....

MINDFANG: Its impressive you are still 8reathing now...Do not push it.

NYALAH: -hffs and sacrifices her own shirt to attempt to bind Redglares leg with. All she's left with is a sports bra and how visible and equally gross the gash on her side is.- im pushing it

NYALAH: til i cant push no more

MITUNA: -Groans-

REDGLARE: -opens an eye again to look at her. She's not sure she understands this... why she's doing this.-

NYALAH: -because it's the harder thing to do. Also she almost died about an hour ago and is probably only moving out of adrenaline shots.-

DAELOS: - Silently gets emotional about this cat. -

KARKAT: =She's doing it because she's a good person and someone has to. He's not really responding to all of this just watching it. Heartwarming as it is. He's just been stupidly crying on and off in the cold but at least someone's got their shit together=

[[ Seakrait straightens up and looks elsewhere pretty quick, almost like she's hearing something no else is. ]]

SEAKRAIT: Yes, sir.

SEAKRAIT: Everyone on your feet!

NYALAH: butt face

NYALAH: -stays huddled with Redglare.-

DAELOS: Nyalah, obey them

DAELOS: Please

DAELOS: - Panicked-

NYALAH: -okay well she's going to stay to help Redglare stand then.-

REDGLARE: -She blinks her eye, looking up at Seakrait. Her voice is kind of quiet as she murmurs.- l3g's w34k. N33d to-- ngh. -holding onto her support.-

REDGLARE: ...Th4nk you.

SEAKRAIT: Orders are to relocate, -she snaps to the rest of the legislacerators.- \|/e're taking them to the pitfall.

KARKAT: =Great. a hole to put them all in=

MITUNA: 7ha7 game 5uck5

NYALAH: -quickly skirts her arms up behind her back and bows with the pain of having to stand.- i have two whole leg

NYALAH: and you two good horn

NYALAH: its even exchange

REDGLARE: h4h.

SEAKRAIT: -She reaches out and grabs onto Karkat's arm, deciding to drag him along in front of the group.- Move.

DAELOS: - Does his best to stand. It's not easy. One leg is useless and his good one is split at the foot. He wobbles. -

NYALAH: -limps along with RG.-

[[ Legislacerators still flank the group on all sides, encouraging their trek. ]]

KARKAT: =clenches his jaw and fights to not jerk his arm back. But he's just so goddamn tired of this and their game=

REDGLARE: - it's one dang slow trudge, that's for sure.-

DAELOS: - He tries to take a step. He falls. -

MITUNA: -He's trudging along-

MITUNA: -Stops for Daelos-

SEAKRAIT: -oh gdi. She snaps back at Mituna and Mindfang- You two get him moving.

REDGLARE: -glances over at Daelos... Eye drifting towards Seakrait again as she barks an order.-

REDGLARE: th1s wh4t you s1gn3d up for?

DAELOS: - Maybe he could shuffle if he has a wall to lean on or if the ground was not snow but at this stage he cannot walk. It's humiliating of course but not compared to the rest of their situation. -

MITUNA: how do you propo5e we do 7ha7 nookbrea7h

SEAKRAIT: I propose you do it. -ignores Redglare-

MINDFANG: -Glares right at Seakrait the entire time shes bending down to help Daelos up.-

MINDFANG: (8est to keep moving, they seem to h8 dead w8.) -Internal screaming as helping to take any of his weight feels like torture.-

MITUNA: -Tries to lean down to try and help him up-

DAELOS: - He's too mortified to say anything. He tried to avoid leaning on Mindfang as much as he can. - I apologize

MINDFANG: (Dont 8other. You are not the one who had the 8rilliant idea to maim a prisoners foot when you want them to-- -hff- move.)

[[ The group continues to be led by Seakrait through the forest, snow drifting gently around them in a too-beautiful discordance to the stains in the snow they leave behind them. Eventually, they see a familiar daunting figure in the distance, waiting nearby what is becoming ever more apparent as a giant hole in the earth. ]]

REDGLARE: -She laughs. Weakly and dryly.-

NYALAH: -presses her good horn at Redglare. One eye shut tight.-

SEAKRAIT: -She pauses just by the cavernous hole, releasing Karkat none too gently and looking over the crowd.- I'll do the honors, High Legislacerator.

KARKAT: The honors. Right. Like there's any honor to be had here. =He's just ready for the hole= Have fun.

SEAKRAIT: -She quickly sets up an automatic pulley system in the ground for climbing, tying the harness around herself, and then she moves toward Redglare. Looks like she's first.-

SEAKRAIT: You're lucky your survival will be left up to fate. But I'm not betting on it. -grabs onto Redglare's arm-

REDGLARE: -She pulls away from Nyalah.- p4ss3s for 4 tr14l, th3s3 d4ys, do3s 1t?

THE EXPUNGER: -gazes at the little crowd, chin high.- Don’t you worry. We’ll come back to retrieve your bodieS aS well, but only after Sufficient time haS paSSed to enSure you are dead. Luckily rot doeS not Set in So quickly in cold environmentS. You will Still be identifiable.

KARKAT: =He just tiredly looks up into the sky and sighs wearily= Fuck yourself on my horn when you come back. It'll be frigid enough for you.

SEAKRAIT: -She heads close to the hole, then grips Redglare tighter in her hold before shimmying them both over the edge and slowly... beginning to lower them down. Redglare can see the drop down is incredibly steep; it's unlikely most anything would survive a straight fall.-

REDGLARE: -it certainly is. She's mostly dead weight, anyhow.-

NYALAH: -shivers in the whole cold. Unable to protest or do much more than watch.-

SEAKRAIT: -They descend at a reasonable pace, but once they're a good twenty feet or so down, she holds Redglare tighter -- closer -- and begins to whisper.-

SEAKRAIT: (Don't speak. Be as quiet as possible down here. No one will hear you, but something else might. If you hear anything down here with you, don't let it find you.)

SEAKRAIT: (Focus on keeping yourselves alive as long as you can. Your leg is poisoned, but it won't kill you yet. I'm going to give you the antidote, bite down on it.)

SEAKRAIT: -She glances down to see how far they are from the floor of the cavern; it's about eight or ten feet now.- (If you understand, struggle.) -And then she moves to press her mouth to Redglare's for just a moment, slipping something pill-shaped inside with her tongue.-

REDGLARE: -uhm. UHM?? She might have struggled ANYHOW regardless of her understanding-- and she's not sure she does. Poison... antidote... no noise. She's helping them, maybe?? She squirms and struggles, letting out an MPH as she swallowd the pill down a raw throat.-

SEAKRAIT: -And she drops Redglare about six feet from the floor, laughing loud enough that she's sure the High Legislacerator will hear before ascending once again, leaving Redglare alone.-

REDGLARE: -The spark of clarity left, at least, keeps her quiet as she finally hits the ground, with a start.-

SEAKRAIT: -SHE'S COMING BACK UP FOR THE REST OF THE GROUP. One by one she's lowering them down-- Karkat, Dave, Mindfang, Nyalah, Mituna, Latula, Aranea... and then finally, Daelos. Needless to say, he's more of a struggle. She says nothing to any of the others, but once Daelos is down, she spits on the ground of the cavern before ascending for the final time, and it hits the rock with a little plink.-

KARKAT: =A plink=

[[ A PLINK. ]]

MITUNA: -Two in the plink one in the stink-

[[ Shortly after they're left in the cavern, they will feel their powers begin to return. Also, it sounds like there's wind howling above; the storm on the horizon has finally reached their location, and the blizzard is kicking up. ]]

REDGLARE: -She does some very quick sign language as each is lowered. Silence. Danger. Time.-

NYALAH: -she had no powers to begin with but does take swift breaths of the icy air. The storm brewing. She shivers terribly.-

MITUNA: -Groans, but his eyes flicker, ever so gently-

KARKAT: =Silence, danger, time. He glances up hearing the storm=

KARKAT: =He's also going to go look at the plink=

DAELOS: - He's soon leaning into her, just like he had been with Mituna, except now he's trying to keep her warm, although since he's a blue blood it doesn't count for much. At least his hair is warm. -

[[ Funny enough, there's a pill in that plink. ]]

KARKAT: =A pill. He stares at it. It stares at him and he stares at it and it stares at him=

[[ It's sort of slobbery, but it looks like it has some kind of fluid inside. ]]

[[ You know. One of those fish oil looking pills. ]]

KARKAT: =Absolutely disgusting.=

KARKAT: =He can't believe that twat cheeked her vitamins from this morning=

[[ KARKAT PLS ]]

KARKAT: =COME GET YOUR PILL DAROLD=

MITUNA: -Soft crackling-

KARKAT: She spat this out.

MITUNA: (guy5 guy5)

DAELOS: - He doesn't realize he's been poisoned or realize that pill is for him-

MITUNA: (im ge77ing my 5park5 back)

REDGLARE: -She points at herself, her leg. Signs 'cure.'-

[[ Also on the plus side, the cave is a lot warmer than the surface, but chillier under the hole. ]]

NYALAH: -maneuvering her arms back in front of her. Looks to Redglare signing and Daelos's leg. Hhhhh. Alright fine.-

NYALAH: -picking the pill from the goo and stuffs it in Daelos's mouth. Keeps her hands clamped there and makes sure he eats it.-

DAELOS: -???? -

NYALAH: -rip in fucking pieces.-

DAELOS: - HORSE GROANY NOISE OF SURPRISE. but yes he supposes he would swallow this. -

REDGLARE: -signs JUST DO IT. like the shy le beef-

NYALAH: -also stuffs some snow in his mouth to help it go down easier.-

NYALAH: -eating some snow herself. Om.-

DAELOS: - NOW GET YOU FILTHY PAWS OUT OF HIS MOUTH-

KARKAT: =Don't it keeps him quiet=

KARKAT: =He just looks to the cave and starts to walk there=

NYALAH: -when the deed is done, she slinks off after Karkat. Clutching at her side.-

KARKAT: =How far back does this cave go? Is there any wood here? Is there a deeper part where he can just fuck right off?=

[[ The area of the cavern they're in is pretty vast, so it'll take some time to navigate the perimeter, but from first glance, there don't appear to be any exits. ]]

DAELOS: - Following this, he continues to eat the snow that looks the freshest-

REDGLARE: -Seems like the first and only time they'd be able to treat their wounds without being under duress. Her flask would've actually been useful if they didn't take her. Damn.-

[[ There are some fallen leaves and logs around beneath where the hole is above, rotting slowly. ]]

REDGLARE: -instead she starts to mill around the ground. Looking for some good, sharp rocks.-

KARKAT: =Relatable. But he looks around=

[[ Rocks are, at least, in abundance here. Such as sharp, pointy stalagmites and stalactites, for example, but there are probably some other chips and things around. ]]

NYALAH: -doing her best to wipe the grime from her wound with snow. The less she moves, the more the pain catches up to her. She actually has to stop and lean up against a boulder, just to focus on breathing and not vomiting.-

[[ The snow probably won't help Daelos and Nyalah with hydration too much, with the cold lowering their body temperatures and making it more difficult for their bodies to retain the moisture, but it at least wets their mouths. ]]

REDGLARE: -She wouldn't know Flint from any other kind of rock, so she's just looking for something that's sharp enough to scratch marks into the walls of the cave. Maybe having some concievable goal is enough to stop thinking about what she saw just last night.-

MITUNA: p5557 7ula

LATULA: -HEY BRUH DONT MIND HER SHE IS TOTALLY STILL TRAUMATIZED- LATULA: tun3z???

DAELOS: - With the help of the cave wall he's able to slowly drag himself to his feet. As long as he leans against it, he can follow it in a circle, keeping his eye out for anything that might be missed. -

NYALAH: -finds some crevice to curl into, holding herself as she comes close to passing out again. So cold.-

MITUNA: 5how me your hand5

DAVE: -he definitely needed some help bring the only pathetic human in the group. his fingers and toes are lookin pretty blue, it's a little concerning. his back aches every time he moves, he stopped shivering a long time ago, when they were still outside. now when he speaks he's mumbling into his numb arm just lying there- theresno mmm snow

KARKAT: =Dave doesn't look good at all. Karkat looks at him then walks over to try and cover as much of him as he can= Sh. =cups his hands between his own= We need a fire going.

MITUNA: -Ahead of you, Kark. He's floating logs over, stacking them in a pile. His eyes glow, and his head swims from the concentration. Suddenly, optic blast, but it's weak, drying the logs more than anything rn-

LATULA: -She holds em out... fingertips are a little black.- dud3 your 4rm

LATULA: 4r3 you gonn4 b3 good???

MITUNA: Mnnnngh

LATULA: oh SH1T!

LATULA: dud3 FUCK!!!! TH4T WORK3D?

DAVE: -his hands are numb between karkats- gotta keep goin to the tunnel underground

[[ The logs give them the SMOLDER. ]]

KARKAT: =Blows warm air on Dave's hands= We need fire. If we find a hot spring down there you can punch me.

[[😘 ☁️]]

MITUNA: -Oh thank fuck. He stops, and starts blowing on the logs trying to get that fire going-

DAVE: how much time we allocate for naps DAVE: we cant waste time

REDGLARE: -LOOMS WITH A PAINFUL LURCHING STEP and holding up a rock.- (m4rk th3 w4lls wh3r3v3r you go. 1f th3r3 4r3 tunn3ls 4nd you g3t lost. c4n follow th3 l1n3s b4ck.)

KARKAT: Dave. Shut up. I'm getting you warm. Shut. Up.

REDGLARE: (surv1v4l f1rst. work out sh1fts. st4y qu13t.)

MITUNA: -Guess who has a fire going?-

NYALAH: -a little too quiet in her corner. Everything is being too much for her body.-

LATULA: -holds her hands over it...-

[[ The logs slowly catch into little flame at Mituna's encouragement. The wind howls overhead, sending heavier snow down through the hole. ]]

LATULA: th4nk fuck1n god...

KARKAT: =Thanks Mituna. He's putting Dave closest to the fire and sitting behind him. Snug up against his back=

DAELOS: - He carefully nestles Nyalah in his arms and slowly brings her closer to the little fire. Maybe being warm will do her good. His brow is cinched with worry. -

MITUNA: -Makes a psionic barrier at the top of the hole. Fuck you snow. This is a terrible long term plan btw. He's quiet, concentrating-

LATULA: -hand on his shoulder- uh

LATULA: 1t 41nt push1n too hard 1s 1t? 1n th3 br41nm34tz?

MITUNA: 5h we go77a re57

NYALAH: -definitely 100% unconscious again, even as Daelos keeps her close.-

DAVE: remember when youwere hella wrm

MITUNA: (ju57 le7 me be u5eful)

KARKAT: =mumbles against Dave's shoulder= Remember when I gave you that manicure? =It was like, not even a few days before all this. Holds up Dave's hands to the fire and just tries to focus on him=

LATULA: ...1m proud of you b4b3z.

DAVE: -pauses- ohyeah

DAVE: sall fucked up now

DAVE: youre so quiet (arewe whispering)

LATULA: but 1 sw34r to sh1z 1m gonn4 b34t your butt 1f you push yours3lf to f4r.

LATULA: >8P

MITUNA: ehehehe be7 on i7

KARKAT: I guess.

DAVE: -his breathing is a little shallow- im gonna go to bed while everyone elsisleeping now

KARKAT: =Makes a face against him and scrunches his nose= Run out of jokes already...?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: ran out of em

MITUNA: -Keeps this roof going, it's just collecting snow. Good news is it helps keep the heat trapped too.-

KARKAT: Okay.... just. (Get up later.) =mumbles and holds him but lets him rest=

MINDFANG: -Shes returning from having done a quick survey of the immediate area of the cave. And also she had felt the need to move just to keep her brain working again. The sense of getting her mental powers back had come with a huge relief and now she is joining the rest of the group by the fire. Arissa carefully sits down and starts to dig her fingers into the joints and spaces of her metal arm to clear out snow and ice that she had felt trapped in there for hours.-

DAELOS: - While Nyalah sleeps he carefully melts snow in his hands and tries to wipe away the debris around her ruined horn without making the wound bleed again. -

DAELOS: - It would hurt if she were awake so now is the time-

ARANEA: -she's been conscious probably?? she's in alright shape, comparatively, though her chest hurts like a motherfucker and it's been keeping her quiet. she can't stop watching dave.-

NYALAH: -too exhausted to even protest or react to the streak of pain. She's out like a light.-

DAVE: -if he just...closes his eyes... a little...-

KARKAT: =Rest... but just let it be rest.=

KARKAT: =On second thought he's a finicky motherfucker and just all of this is settling wrong to him= ...Mn. No. Okay. Just. No jokes then. =Dave is so squishy and vulnerable, no sleep for you asswipe=

DAVE: are we spooning

KARKAT: Yes. You're welcome little spoon.

DAELOS: - He notices the way Aranea is staring intently at the poor little human and gives her a questioning glance, looking up from Nyalah for a moment. -

ARANEA: -catches his glance, meeting it with an unyielding concern. she scoots closer to daelos and fixes her attention on nyalah instead for the moment. she wonders if she can help her now...-

DAVE: -he is starting to fall asleep again- k

KARKAT: No kays.

KARKAT: Hum one of your dumb raps.

DAELOS: - Scoots to make room for her, she feels to cold nudge of his nose as he talks in her ear. - (Are you alright)

ARANEA: -turns her head to brush cheeks with him- (I'm... Just concerned.)

DAELOS: - Sighing- (Well... there is certainly cause for it)

DAELOS: - He always imagined he would die in a hole but he wants something better for his loved ones and crew members. -

MITUNA: -He keeps asking for death. And yet....-

DAVE: -hums something unintelligible that kind of sounds like my humps-

ARANEA: -she shares some of the light eminating from her fingertips with nyalah. she will likely stay unconscious, but hopefully it will be a more restful kind of sleep. the pain inside her head should begin to subside. concentrating is difficult for her, but her own strong sense of self preservation is motivation enough to keep trying to exercise her abilities. they have better chances together. and after what she saw yesterday, she isn't exactly willing to let anyone else fall at the hands of those bastards.-

DAELOS: - Seeing this warm his heart. Perhaps... just perhaps there is a chance they will make it out of this. He nuzzles Aranea gratefully. -

DAELOS: Thank you

ARANEA: -leans into him, only nodding in response. but maybe some of that light will transfer to him too...-

MITUNA: -He's sweating next to the fire, quiet with the strain of all this snow accumulating on his barrier. His brain is a muscle that hasn't been exercised in forever. A time ago he'd be able to do this no problem. He grunts softly, trapping the collected snow in a psionic bubble and moving it past the entrance of the hole to plop that huge pile somewhere else. Sorry guys, no ceiling for a while. He breathes a little heavy-

DAVE: -he's been practically forced to stay awake because concussions are great and karkat won't let him go to sleep anyway. he's still pretty out of it, but the warmth seems to be doing at least something. he ain't dead yet right?-

MITUNA: -He's really tired you guys-

DAVE: -tired club-

MITUNA: -snow starts drifting into the hole-

TEREZI: =Would have been proud of them.=

DAVE: -rude ass dead rude ass-

MITUNA: -Gdi Excalibur-

TEREZI: =shup=

MITUNA: donde...e57a...la biblio7eca

MITUNA: me llamo 7 bone la arana di5co7eca

DAVE: -watches mituna even if he looks blurry-

MITUNA: -Come on Dave you know this one-

MITUNA: di5co7eca

MITUNA: muneca

MITUNA: e5 en bigo7e grande pero man7eca

DAVE: manteca bigote gigante

DAVE: pequeño

MITUNA: la cabe5a e5 nieve

MITUNA: cerve5a e5 bueno

DAVE: -takes a good minute before saying the next part- buenos dias me gusta papas frías

MITUNA: lo5 bigo7e5 de la cabra e5 cameron diaz

DAVE: -another minute- yeaboi

MITUNA: -Soft bomb noise-

DAVE: -breathes- when are we

DAVE: gettin out

MITUNA: no7 ye7 bu7 youre bein pa7ien7 a5 fuck -A snowflake lands on his nose. He's exhausted, but he's still floating a couple logs to the fire. The wet logs snap and crackle with moisture-

DAVE: were gonna

DAVE: get out of here

MITUNA: yeah i know -He glances up. He's only gonna rest a little while longer before continuing to keep the cold out for everyone. Just thirty minutes alright? He doesn't even know how long thirty minutes will be...but still.-

MITUNA: fuck america though dude

[[ Mituna could try counting 1-Mississippi, 2-Mississippi all the way up to 1800-Mississippi. ]]

[[ It's even the spirit of USA! Amurrica, frick yeah! ]]

MITUNA: -Fuck you America-

DAVE: dude dont

DAVE: youre doin some stuff

DAVE: you gotta calm down

DAVE: with your teleport

DAVE: teleconnecticut

MITUNA: i go77a...do 5ome7hin....even if i75 ju57 givin your 5orry a55e5 a chance 7o re57....ehehe

DAVE: we have a fire were good to go

MITUNA: i75 no7 57rong enough ye7

ARANEA: -she's been drifting in and out of consciousness. being cool blooded as she is, the cold is taking it's toll on her. but being slightly delirious, she doesn't think much as she starts wiggling in dave's direction, her hand out towards him.-

DAVE: -watching aranea and this hand thing she's doing and it reminds him of movies and dead people and angels and all he can do is look at her- im dead now

MITUNA: lmao lucky cock5ucker

DAVE: oh nope im alive

MITUNA: poor bi7ch

ARANEA: -ha... is he likening her to an angel? dont' be silly, boy. she touches his shoulder, or hand, or whatever she can get ahold of first and lets the little bit of warmth she has to offer extend to him-

DAVE: -just like that, he feels it...a warm sensation putting feeling back into his fingers and his toes. he watches her carefully as this happens, without a doubt a little confused and delirious with hypothermia but...it appears that his fingers and toes begin to lose their blue color-

MITUNA: -Grins a little, but he's so tired. His head lulls back, eyes fluttering closed. Just for a moment. Just for thirty minutes.-

ARANEA: (We're going to get out of here.) -affirms what he was already saying... if he had any doubts, he couldn't possibly now.-

DAELOS: -LOUD SNORING ON NYALAH DURING THESE TOUCHING MOMENTS.-

DAVE: -his gaze meets hers and he slowly nods- were gonna

NYALAH: -no worries. She's affectionately chewing his neck fat in her sleep.-

MITUNA: -Probably about 44 minutes later he puts the psionic ceiling back up-

[[ Sleep MORE. It means you need it! ]]

DAELOS: -Except at some point he wakes up. His sleep is rather restless. And other than Nyalah chewing on him, he notices that Aranea has left his side and wiggled more towards Dave. And they're holding hands.-

DAELOS: 👀!

DAELOS: -Well. It's cold and humans are fragile. Perhaps it's merely kindness. He tries to go back to sleep.-

DAELOS: -He finds it a bit difficult to stop low key watching them, though.-

ARANEA: -for once doesn't notice when she's being given extra attention... she's zoning in and out a little too much while still looking at dave.-

DAELOS: -MMmm.....-

DAVE: -his fingers are moving a little now that they actually feel like they exist. he's not sure what's happening now but he also doesn't have the sense or strength to get up and do something else-

DAELOS: -On second thought, he doesn't want to look at this anymore. He's gonna slowly just turn so he's facing the other direction. And eventually he'll be able to sleep.-

#cranktankerousGeneticist #coltishdaedalian #nemeanCatapult #academicgeniality #trojanabstruse #gladiateCarnifex #technologicgodot #gnarlycradz #abscissionGalliard

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thats-a-real-mood · 3 years

Text

loki episode 1x01

Im loving the green/gold marvel logo.

mega spoilers under cut!

Ngl not sure why the tesserect threw him like that in mongolia. Is there a reason that thanos had better control? (Other than him being a giant grape) Is this what happened with red skull?

Tva introduced. Very mysterious

Aw loki is just done with the avengers and everything else

Why did they have loki’s lips do that for so long? And in 1/16 speed

Reset the timeline? What does that do?

Zooming in on the device on the ground assuming that is going to reset the timeline. Okay so but reseting does that mean that there is now another loki? Our loki we are watching and a different loki who is continuing one the timeline?

A variant skrull?

Loki trying to run and then getting timelooped back to the lady is slightly funny

Aw that poor guy is cheerful and shes all like no i have a job

Deadly consequences huh? Is that gonna come back later? I have a feeling they will never like each other

Aw happy robot

Aw fashionista drama queen loki. I love it

Okay i may be ace but loki looks good!

-honestly in the gray suit he doesnt look that muscular but he is. Its just hidden. It hints at it with his shoulders but he in fine!

I did a get picture of the end credits where it shows what he said

“if it’s all the same yo you know i’ll have that drink now.

“tva? friend i think there has been a mistake. I am Loki,- You will regret this. I am burddened with glororius purpose. I stand on the right side of thanos- pleased to learn you’ve- my father is-”

is all i could read from this

A cat and a cat mug. I like it. This dude must be so tired. And everyone gives him extra work with everything they say even in his room. -does it do this even after they leave? And honestly i thought lokis stack would be bigger

“Do alot of people not know if they are robots?”Hun im sorry but you didnt know you were frost giant..

Now at first glance the whole “what if i was a robot and didnt know it?” Line is funny but you gotta like deeper. Like i said right above he didnt know he was a frost giant for almost the whole time 2012! Loki has been alive.

Ok but why does it look like giant scratch marks in the red rectangle. I think it’s supposed to be like dried blood or whatever but more like scratch’s.

His temporal aura..lots of red,maybe purple and yellow followed by green and blue at the top. I wanna know what it mean. Do more colors get added with more temporal stuff?

That looks like the guy who died in the trailers

He was insistent that he take a ticket. Lokis staring contest with the guy. Passive aggressive loki

Is that PA sound activated by a specific phrase? I think it would be since it probably would have turned on sooner than when loki shouted otherwise

I dont like miss minutes.

Who are the timekeepers? How are they all knowing? Can we get some more lore on them?

Branching off the nexus? That showed in a scene in the trailer..

So do the tva not want a multiverse? But it was canonized in dr strange. And wandavision. Or do they just not want a multiverse war?

Created the TVA and its workers? What do they mean by creating the workers as well?

Wait what that the reset charge i saw in the cartoon? So does that mean that there is a loki that is continuing on the timeline?

Is that how we kept the “sacred timeline”? But how? The avengers dropped the cube and loki got it and left. So how did they fix the timeline to keep him from picking it up again?

The guy doesnt have a ticket and is throwing a karen tantrum. Oop-

Okay now loki is scared.

Is it bad that i saw him hold up his ticket and found it funny? Like see boom i have it totally not gonna get destroyed now

Okay so i wrote the cool “runes” i put them in quotations because i dont know if that is what they are. Ill try to look them up later and post them.

Five dead in france..1549

Sombody got the jump? Its him? Who?

Stab wounds? Reset charge is gone. Sixth attack? That they know of?

Nice satan imagery in the background. First (assuming) micheal first with light shining in this guy and now satan..

I saw her eyes look to the satan and then upwards so assuming she means the horns but it could also be mephisto. But does mephisto stab people? Those horns look loki style

Afraid of them?

Kablooie? Blue gum? Blooeberrie?

-Why was it given away? Is it a sign? Do i need to look deeper into this? It does have that whole look that fits with the tva but im gonna hold on.

Devil bearing gifts?

-What happens when it hits the red line?

They have a FILE? On loki? Where did they get that photo? And HE IS GENDER FLUID

Judges room has the workers mural and the timekeeper mural. So the cut off the branchs to keep it in a orderly timeline?

Push t to those avengers! STEVE👏ROGERS👏IS👏A👏VARIANT

Hun..hun no thats not why they traveled.

Pffrt two tony starks! So he knew tony was there… did thor not smell him as well??

Gods to gods

Is..is this what it looks like when he tries to do magic??

Who are the people watching who isnt the guy from earlier?

So is this gonna be a show of freewill? Like wanda was grief and depression? Or the winter soldier was of —-

If my theory is right about loki being the guy killing the agents and that guy is investigating and has his file then it makes sense that he knows what loki is capable of. I would also like to point out that is it loki killing them, then they are greatly underestimating him. He should use that to his advantage

Chasing a hunch? Going sideways? Bad idea?

And this guy is flirting (i think) but also drinking his respecting woman juice.

Burn down his desk? Ok so ngl its cool outside the window but idk what it is but i can tell its greenscreen. The architecture is great. I love the scene.

A nightmare department??

I wanna know what the buttons in the elevator mean.

Created by the timekeepers? So possibly not human. Can they leave? are they aloud to? What do they mean created? Is there a process? Or are they just never kids?

Trust is for children and dogs? Oka i get the dos. But children? Does this mean that he hasnt trusted anyone since he was a kid? What happened that made him stop trusting people? Does he trust his mother?

Living in his set path? Okay i was part of the son fandom so im getting team free will vibes from loki insisting that he chooses what he does

Wooing someone powerful you intended to betray? Thanos? (Ew giant grape face guy) You, agent mobius? The Grandmaster?!

Are they flirting? I genuinely cant tell? Is this what flirting looks like?

Pursuit in Dangerous variants? So not loki. My theory holds strong for me but maybe its not?Hes a hissing cat? So born to be king?

A fan? Okay..i wanna saw how are you a fan? But you have the file.

Loki

The wrong path always taken…

“I am smart.” I know

What do u know mobius? Time passes differently…has loki been here before? Have u met him before? How do u know he his smart? Yes you have a file but that doesnt tell me why u are saying for certainty that u know he is smart. And he looks serious. Like he knew something. What are you hiding??

Okay so he heals fast. This couldnt have been hat long since then?

Okay so they bring in phil but they dont even acknowledge that he is still alive (as far as im aware)

The uncomfortable shifting and keeping his gaze away from the screen as new york was shown was kinda telling cause of what he said earlier…

Deflecting to keep from talking..

The FLASHBACK

Why does he need money?

Young..lost a bet to thor… what was the bet???

You just used reverse psychology on loki and it worked

Why do you wanna know about why he does what he does? Are you using him for your other case? (Assuming hat he is killing the guards somehow)

Did his voice crack when he saw his adventure in germany? Anyone else catch that? And the past tense after that. His masks are starting to fall. I think he is gonna lash out soon

Oh his mother

This is gonna get painful. Im crying already.

Oh frigga. He is tearing up. He is getting agitated now. Dude you just accused him of killing his mother

Okay stop. So others can achieve better versions of themself?

U mean when nat yeeted herself on vormir? Or when clint went around killing people during the blip? Or when cap stayed behind with peggy when he had bucky to come back to?

I can see him planning something but idk what yet

Ok so i already watched this earlier but now that i watch this part carefully i can see his hand pickpocket

Another unit? So thats six units now?

Loki escaped??

Prune? Is that what the stick thing is?

Ok he asked the guys name. I like that. Polite.

I saw him take a breath to get ready for another performance

U..u dont know what a fish is?

Lived entire life behind a desk? How old are you?

Okay thats practical to know what your being threatened with. Informed choices my dude.

Ok is this the room that loki has a desk at in the previews? Also i like casey. He is now my new fav

Whats is the desk? INFINITY STONES?? are you kidding me? So other people have tried to get them but werent aloud because of the timeline with thanos and the avengers???? Why do you have so many of the same stones? And the fact that the time stones as well means something attempted to happen to earth to get them..

They dont work at the tva? You USE INFINITY STONES? AS PAPER WEIGHTS? INGOT OF IMMENSE POWER THAT WERE CREATED SUPPOSEDLY AT THE BIG BANG??

This is giving me (another show that used something important as paperwieghts) vibes

Coming to the realization that this place is powerful? Ok so that is pruning.

His mother, he is crying i cant deal

Oh god im crying again

He just want his parents love and they are dead. He just wanted family to love him. He wanted to so much and didnt ever feel like he had it. But he did.

Oh no

Please dont make him watch his death

Please

The immediate falling of his face, his tormentor, i wanna know what he is thinking when he sees thanos

Oh the bone sound

And loki watched

Not making light of this but they speedrun his trauma and his redemption. He didnt get to see the good parts of what he has done. Just the bad.

Oh his laughing and the bitter glorious purpose

The fight was short but cool

He is being his petty self and i love it

See, don’t underestimate him

That nose scrunch

He looked emotionally drained

Wait why cant he go back? Cause he saw his future? Isnt that the reset? Oh wait if he goes back, he dies and he knows that but he couldnt be able to stop it without ending back up here

Hes opening up. The masks he had are falling around mobius. He sees himself as a villian.

Fugitive variant?

I KNEW IT IT WAS LOKI!

but hold on. If this fugitive is loki, then how? What part of the timeline is they from? Are they a future loki? So the future loki is a dangerous variant and this loki is a cat? What makes the future one more dangerous? We just heard him say he doesnt like to kill?

Okay now oklahoma 1858, if this is loki then how is he goin across time? And what for?

Wait third millenium? When is that?

Okay so we got a 1500 deaths and pieces of gum? And now third millennium thing in the 1800?

Oil? In a field…i get that u would think that but please think about where u are and the fact that other units have been killed in what i assume are regular calls like this as well.

Hooded figure? In a foggy night?with different background lights? I like it.

Told you oil plus field equals fire

Oh big spots of oil and oil leading places

Okay there is the reset charge? Is this important like i said earlier i thought it would be?

Ok if this is loki then what’s with the get up? Where is the drama? The showmanship? And why do you need the reset charges? Assuming this person took them from each scene that is at least six or seven? Or is this eight? Would this be the one that they said earlier with the captain lady interrupting or is this another one after that?

Ok so i took some pictures of the end credits that i think are important. I want to look closer at them before i post them.

#loki spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki marvel #loki series #loki #loki show #loki laufeyson #loki episodes #loki 1x1 #sorry its so long #im on mobile #and can’t make a cut on here #marvel spoilers #spoilers

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