My mom was trying to show me how she budgets so I can start doing it myself but then she put in a place for tithes and I wanted to laugh no church is getting my money

no but fr why the hell is the dream anti pipeline so accessible. like, the pride month donation thing last year Still gets lied about, if you didn't feel like doing extra research about the youtube guy you don't care about you're just gonna hear that he hates all gay people, didn't donate shit, and like, kicked a baby to celebrate pride month or something 😭 its so easily proven how much he donated its wild to me that ppl still think its worth it to make up random lies about it (at this point I'm wondering if they even know they're lying or if other antis just convinced them Dream spent pridemonth 2021 pickpocketing baby gays and laughing evily instead of donating anything)

that’s what i’m saying

The twitter bros are really ragging me for commenting i wish taika would apologize, take some action to prove he means it and maybe a donation to trans folks (if uve missed it he said some real shitty things about trans folks 10 years ago on twitter and never deleted it).

Someone on here said pick on the wypipo who do this shit first. Well 1) oddly my list of white celebs i like are terf free and 2) i dont think asking for an action of a self proclaimed gay icon is a loooot to ask. Dude was in his 30s when he tweeted it (ie my age). I grew up in rural hell where r and f slurs were hilarious everyday things said but mostly ended before 2010.

Ive never been perfect myself (at 9 i used the r word but genuinely didnt kmow what it meant. When i learned i was embarrassed and stopped). But i always felt an affinity to the lgbtq community despite not being a member so i never found trans jokes funny. My nephew wasnt born afab until 2008, didnt come out til this year. I never had time for this shit and i have even less now.

People can learn and grow. I can accept it if its genuine. And fwiw i doubt taika cares what i think, or even will see what i said. Im not gonna try and harass the dude daily or anything. I said one thing one time and i stand by it. The johnny depp like wasnt great, but i hoped for better (a like isnt a statement etc). Honestly my biggest fear is theyd work that abusive ass into ofmd but thx to his own fans hes falling again so im not terribly worried.

Anyway this is my rambling. Ive put him in my old kayvan box: i can like his work and want nothing to do with him. And unlike kayvan he didnt spent 2hrs not apologizing after repeatedly doing blackface around the time of taika’s comment (im not sorry u should know better in 2014 bro).

Take your own action. But remember trans people are at higher risk of harassment and murder and suicide. Many in the gay community write them out. You should care even if you arent close with anyone who is such. A little kindness goes a long way in this world

ok now im curious what your most petty thing is (regarding the dp post)

Oooh boy, here we go! Buckle up fuckers this is gonna be a longer one.

My senior year of high school, I took a creative writing class. Partially because I needed to fill the slot, mostly because I wanted to improve my writing (spoiler: I did not). Now, my high school was a three floor building- first was mostly gym, second was general, and the third was senior lockers and art classes. I spent a good chunk of my schedule senior year on the second and third floor, going between an art class to my earth science (I took that one entirely as filler, but also bc I like science) to my locker and so on.

Creative writing? Creative writing was in the fucking basement. Go to the first floor, go to a corner generally used for health and development classes, to another corner, follow a ramp and some stairs, and boom there it is kind of basement. (Side note but this teacher was REALLY into attendance and would get you in trouble if you were late which was really annoying since basically no other class was in that part of the building).

My creative writing teacher wasn't bad, per se. I've had worse teachers. I had an algebra teacher who delighted in making freshman girls cry and mocking them for it. I had a journalism teacher who would use her class time reporting how Hilary was secretly ill during the election. I had a history teacher say trans people weren't real to an openly gender nonconforming student (I didn't know them well enough to ask for specifics on their alignment, but they were using they/them at that point) and set up assignments just to mock students on the take they were told to make. It was more that she was uncreative and took it out on the kids doing creative writing.

She gave us two books to read. Basically “how I write” by published authors. I don’t remember the first one well enough and I donated it ages ago, but the second was Stephen King’s “On Writing”. It was 3/4′s personal stories about his life and 1/4′s “also write a bit every day”.  I mostly remember the first author bc she had those fake dreadlocks white people do when they destroy their hair and she gleefully told a story about making her son have a meltdown at a party or wedding or something bc he got overwhelmed and she wanted him to learn that “sometimes you don’t get what you want”. So. You know. Not much there.

She also instructed us to write in a journal every day, which she would check every few months or so. It had to be at least half a page. She would leave little comments in every one else’s journals when she checked them, but not mine- I realized pretty quickly she was a bit uncomfortable with LGBT+ content, so I made it my mission to make every journal drabble as gay as possible bc I was bored and she couldn’t mark them WRONG when she just stated we needed to write.

But it doesn’t end there! Through the entire class, we got exactly five writing projects. Stories that follow very specific guidelines that we would then read in front of the class, group proofread, and then have the teacher give final grades for. These things were approximately like a thousand words a piece, and I was writing out my 10,000 word “It Starts off Small” story in class when I got bored, so it wasn’t difficult. 

Our first project was a character going through a difficult decision. Or... something? I honestly forget the criteria. Anyway, I was HYPE. I’d had this idea for a long time now a human choosing between peaceful death or reincarnation, and this gave me the push to write it! I had a whole thing planned with death being a deer and reincarnation being a wolpertinger (bc reincarnation leads to many possibilities, ed boy, so a Frankenstein bunny made sense to me). Anyway I poured my heart and soul into this bastard and, bright eyed and bushy tailed, handed it in. My classmates all thought it was pretty good. Not to toot m’own horn, but there was some pretty bad ones going in, so I thought I’d get a solid B or something.

I got a D. I guess the struggle was too metaphorical, or it didn’t perfectly fit her criteria. I was devastated. Then I was mad. Bc I was a bored senior who thought they’d made something pretty decent for this completely optional class and her refusal to see that really hurt me at sixteen (I was always a year younger than my other classmates, so despite being a senior I didn’t turn eighteen until almost a year after graduation)

Well, fuck it, I decided. I’m going to parody the shit out of this class.

Our next project was a fantasy story. I was bitter and grumpy. The other fantasy stories read aloud were stuff like “yeah this dude fought a wizard and got a girl, then they went home and banged” (this was not hyperbole, he would’ve written and read the smut if allowed, I knew him personally) and “this girl that NO ONE UNDERSTOOD was called CRAZY but this S@!$ cheerleader who Stole Her Boyfriend so she killed them all” (fun fact: the girl who wrote that was my age and a sort of half-friend from middle school. She was a yaoi fangirl who didn’t mind lesbians as long as they, you know, didn’t FLIRT with her or something.) 

So I get up there. It’s the last day of presentations. And I present with a polite cheer. My story is about two magical shepherd type figures who are called Sister Brighten and Brother Dick as they chase down a werewolf who was drunk off his ass and accidentally bit someone else. They then revealed they were basically supernatural designated drivers for the whole town. I made Brighten mention that Dick’s name wasn’t even Richard. I titled it “His Favorite Brand is Grayhound”. It fit every single criteria. I got an A. I could tell she didn’t want to, because there was no comments or anything like everyone else’s, but she had to follow her own criteria.

Our third was a conjoined effort thing so I didn’t pull any fuckery there, but the fourth one was about common myths and spinning them into real or fake. One girl did the hook-handed door handle thing and the boyfriend ended up above his truck hanging (somehow???). I think someone did the age-old adage of a haunted wedding dress? I kind of read through those presentations. 

Now, I’m salty-salty at this point. I wasn’t expecting His Favorite Brand is Grayhound to get me a good grade. I half-assed a lot of it. I am in full Not Happy Teenager at this point. I grab a daddy long leg and settle in.

My fourth story of the year is “Paperskin.”

Paperskin is about a boy named Billy with the thinnest skin membrane ever. Just full on body horror. You could see his teeth behind his lips. Billy gets bored one day and wanders out of his house, tries to kick a soccer ball, and breaks a leg. As he’s laying in the grass a daddy long leg bites him- and his skin is so flimsy the fangs sink in and he dies. I’m actually still pretty proud of Paperskin. It’s a horrifying, Edgar Allen Poe of a monstrosity, but it made people squirm, which was the point. The teacher is clearly a bit unnerved at this point, but she gives me another A. 

I wrote a more “normal” story after that of a contentious objector forced to house kids going to see if any confirmed soldier deaths were any of their parents as my final one and I could feel her spite as she gave me a B.

So, yeah. That’s the story of when I tormented my creative writing teacher with The Gays and my weird ass sense of humor after she called one of my best works at that age a piece of shit.

 Here’s a google drive of these bad boys, because yes I do still have these things. I turned these fuckers in for grades, people.

Daniel Howell: 'If young people aren't supported it's going to screw everybody'

In our latest report for this year’s Guardian and Observer charity appeal, we talk to the Young Minds ambassador and YouTube star

Please donate to our appeal here

Daniel Howell has spent the pandemic in “a slight apocalyptic nuclear bunker”, with terrible internet. It is quite the revelation for someone who shot to stardom documenting his life on YouTube, with his channel reaching more than 6 million subscribers.

Speaking over a Zoom call, the former BBC Radio 1 presenter jokes that his routine “of watering house plants” and “peering out the windows” has been interrupted. But despite the dystopian glaze overshadowing 2020, he has not found this year as hard as some.

“I mean, I will be honest. I’m one of those chronic introverts that’s mildly agoraphobic,” he says. “We were probably more predisposed to survive a pandemic. So this lack of human interaction, I’m not hating it. But maybe on some level, after an entire year, I’m like, OK, I could have maybe seen a person?”

Howell’s candid discussion about his mental health, often using humour to talk about difficult situations, is what marked out his YouTube channel for such success. He uploaded his first video, entitled “hello internet”, on 16 October 2009.

After a hiatus, in June 2019 he came out as gay in a video. He discussed the homophobia he had dealt with, particularly in school, to the point of a suicide attempt when he was a teenager. He is now an ambassador for Young Minds, a charity helping young people struggling with their mental health.

The reaction to his videos inspired him to work with Young Minds, one of the Guardian and Observer’s 2020 appeal charities in support of disadvantaged young people. “I felt like, OK, well I’ve got this audience now, that they care, they give a shit, and they want to do something about it. I want to do something about it.”

The pandemic “really makes you appreciate the little things that are there”, he says. It has made people take account of what is good for their mental health, something “that all of us really should be doing more often”.

On the flipside, Howell thinks it has highlighted the dire situation of mental health services in the UK. “We talk about the good of the NHS. And even in the last few years, when the conversation about mental health has been much more of a priority on the table, it’s still not nearly enough. I mean, you look at some of the statistics, and they’re all going in the wrong direction.”

He says that rather than just “token investments from the government”, there needs to be a cultural shift to “actually understand and prioritise mental health”, with a focus on prevention rather than cure. “Particularly for young people, it’s about intervening for the few people that are at the point of crisis,” he says.

Howell says he did not get much help with his mental health as a child, and as a result he has carried a lot of damaging behaviours with him into adult life. Since coming out on YouTube, he has taken a bit of a break and is now writing a book about mental health. Telling his YouTube followers about his sexuality was a big moment, he says, and they saw everything through his videos, from his breakdown at university to struggling with depression.

“I’m stood here now as someone that really feels like I’ve taken the first breath of air in my life, because anyone who struggles with their mental health, you feel like you’ve got to keep your head down and keep struggling through it to maybe get to that place where you feel like you have the safety and security that you need,” he says.

His journey online made him realise that some of the issues he had with his sexuality were fundamental to the reason why he had always struggled with depression. Aged 28, he “was starting with a blank slate” for the first time, he says.

But he worries about the future of the generation reaching adulthood now. “I mean, it’s a shame, isn’t it? The state of university in this country is a complete scam. The fact that these people are being told everything’s fine. They’re taking out these horrendous student loans, only to be trapped in their accommodation with online classes and everything’s being cancelled.”

He says it is easy, if the government thinks a group does not vote, not to be represented. “But you know, if you’re expecting them to be your caregivers in 30 years then you need to make sure they’re going to succeed in life at literally any aspect.

“If these people aren’t given some support to become functional members of society then it’s going to screw everybody. So I definitely think it’s one of the balls that has been completely dropped. And you know, young people are thankfully quite energetic and resilient, to be able to survive it, but they should absolutely not have to put up with it. And it’s gonna come back around with some consequences.”

Howell hopes his new book will help those who may be going through what he went through growing up. He now knows on a fundamental level how to make himself feel better. “I understand how to be mindful, how to take myself out of my head,” he says. One of the most interesting things he learned while researching for the book, he says, is the power of knowing you are not your thoughts. He says that in our modern lives we are trapped in “these sterile environments, mostly trying to solve mental problems in our mind”.

“We just become prisoners of these intense thoughts and emotions,” he says. “Learning how to step back and get some perspective from that is important … If you catch yourself, while you’re boiling the kettle, going into this negative thought space, just to learn how to go actually know how to snap yourself out of that … really does make a difference, and not just about thoughts and feelings. It just makes you a more successful human, better performing and completing tasks.

“So it’s not all about yoga, and going on, you know, expensive trips to a retreat. It’s saying, if you want to be a functional human that can rise to the challenges of your life, you need to understand how to be the master of your mind.”

If you are a young person struggling with your mental health, advice and support is available on the YoungMinds website, including information about how to get help. If you are a young person in need of urgent support, contact the YoungMinds Crisis Messenger by texting YM to 85258. Young Minds’ dedicated helpline for parents can be called free on 0808 802 5544 from 9.30am to 4pm, Monday to Friday.

Poll Results

Alright, that’s it, i’m tired of trying to sort the answers so yall just get the big list of all the free response answers to that quiz about ofa. be aware some are less safe for work than others.

memorable ones: OfA Snickerdoodle, I’d Give It To A Cat, So You Know Vore Right?, I’m in Love With Nana, Slicey Blood Oath, and Homoerotic Sword Fight

(My answer above is how I think it did happen, not how I want it to happen.) I personally think something along the lines of a Bruce Banner Jennifer Walker blood transfusion where the OFA holder doesn’t realize they’ve passed it on until later.

a tender kiss. perhaps loving. perhaps they're dying, and i already knew that they loved me, either platonically or otherwise, and we always knew that i'd be next. perhaps they tried so hard to make sure it never happened, and perhaps that tender kiss as an apology as much as it is a gift. sure sucks to be gay i guess 

Peacefully? By doing the do and making it a wonderful moment of lovemaking and passing on the future.. If we're in the middle of battle you bet your freaking butt I want them to kiss me dramatically, tell me they love me, and then yeet me away as they turn back to the fight. Ow but relationship goals. 

If we're not romantic because I am obsessed with the Duo Holders ship currently, blood works fine. Ingest it or have them pressing a bloody palm into a wound of mine *shrugs* Gotta pass it along somehow

Personally, I'd rather drink blood instead of hair. It feels less gross. But I'd pass it on as hair just to fuck with my successor

Hair or blood eating, but no touchy-touchy or whatever thx.

Probably a vial of blood so it’s easy and over quick

kiss 👉👈

i would like it to be blood from an already opened wound just cause it would probably less weird, ..........but knowing my luck and because irl my sister has attempted to feed me her baby teeth by shoving it to my lips and saying "eat", thats actually how i would get ofa. ( >:/ i have almost eaten at least two teeth this way because i thought she was being nice and giving me candy )

Consider: doing one of those blood oath things where you swear to be BFFs for eternity except now you also get a quirk out of it. But lbr kissing is way more romantic and you’ve made First/Second my new OTP, so I’ll stick with that for them. <3 But also, maybe to make the kiss option more romantic First thought something more along the lines of wishing he could give ~everything he has/all of himself~ to Second which counted as including his quirk, rather than specifically about giving him the power to defeat his brother?

This is going to sound gross but all ways of transferring DNA is. Just work up a sweat and have the other party drink it. It would probably be the best tasting option which is kinda a weird thing to think about. Nvm sweat doesn't contain DNA looked it up but I don't want to delete all of this so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe a scraping of skin cells

Honestly the hair is probably the way I'd want to go. That or blood. Like just swallowing it.

Look, i know realistically it was probably some desparate on-the-brink-of-death "please defeat my brother" thing and oo, magic he gets the quirk. But consider. First's last fight with afo. Second is holding his bleeding body, crying. First gently cups Second's cheek and pulls him into a bloody kiss before dying. Second pulls himself together just long enough to flip off afo, barely resisting the urge to absolutely slaughter him, knowing he would lose. He finds his successor and trains him to the best of his ability, determined to not lose another person he cared for

I mean like dead skin cells probably dont work right? Except hair works so thats not true. So like you totally could lick someone to get OFA. Like could you imagine the whole holding your hand over someones mouth to shut them up but they lick you and they somehow wind up with your quirk, like crazy. What must have been the trial and error with this stuff cause they must have kept passing it inbetween each other to figure out its dna right. How long did it take for them to realize. Like you’re eating breakfast and theres a hair in your food like ew and why am i stronger now. Overall, comedic timing for getting a quirk would be hilarious.

My apprentice lays broken and bloody beneath me as I cradle them in my arms, crying on to an open wound on their face praying the power will be enough to save them

little bit of skin like a hang nail just like put it in a sandwich and dont thing about it

Put it in my coffee.

If I received it from Nana then I would love to have received it via eating her out~ though for passing it on to others I think I would just either spit into their mouths or shove a bleeding finger down their throat until they swallow and then run and get myself killed by AfO while taunting him with "I DON'T HAVE YOUR BROTHER'S QUIRK ANYMORE! SUCK MY NON-EXISTENT DICK YOU LOSER!"

knock me out and just inject the blood. if i have to actively think abt ingesting someone elses dna im gonna yeet myself into the ocean. to pass it on i'll just spit in a cup (or in their mouth) bc im not gonna make someone eat my hair nor is anyone getting my blood

who in their right mind would trust me with a power like ofa 💀afo just looks at me funny the quirk is his. im not a mc for a reason

Sexy battle where I’m the villain, and randomly the hero thinks “I wish I could save you”. Boom I punch them with bloody knuckles and the quirk passes to me. Now the hero has to teach me how to be good again. Also we fall in love.

You know, I always assumed I would head canon it as something romantic until canon proved me wrong But these options are so varied - I had to choose the most Dramatic (tm) one As for my actual answer: a gentle kiss with full consent from both parties

I will bite a holder as a sign of affection. There's probably some dead skin cells in the arm I can swallow by accident. They are used to this and sometimes we switch the quirk around for funsies.

You know, I spent like 10 minutes trying to think of something original here, but knowing my shit luck some bastard would spit in my drink or something and cast upon me the Curse of Bone Breaking and/or.... y’know..... AFO...........

okay this is gonna sound weird but. consider this i marry a very lovely women. we are in much love. we get attacked by evil people because she is a good hero but plot twist. i am secretly her nemisis. the attackers are my minions. i wanted her to protect me because i am very smol but. my comrades were too mean. she is nearly dead. "take this" she says. she kisses me and i am one for all. fuck, i say internally, but i dont tell her. she dies in my arms. i run and become vigilante and take down my once comrades. all is not well. i die unsatisfied. i eventually pass it onto a cat in an alleyway because they are the only one who is with me when i get hit with a back alley sniper

Blood or just like. skin. You could use nail clippers to take a bit off from a really fleshy area, like just under the nail. It's that easy

Spit in my food like an underpaid fast food worker.

i have long hair so that would not be ideal, but blood seems kinda...unsanitary, but i guess it would be better if i was 100% positive i wouldn't pass on some sort of disease. so if that could be ascertained then like a few drops of blood in a glass of water or something and then down the hatch, bam ofa passed on. i know other folks are probably typing some nsfw stuff but just. no. keep it in your pants y'all.

Blood transfusion First, pick a hospital Second, steal all their blood Third, have the previous user donate their blood to that hospital Fourth, get into a major accident and need a blood transfusion near the hospital you robbed Fifth, hope either OfA will only pass onto you bc your the intended recipient, or that no one else needs a blood transfusion Sixth, get the transfusion Seventh, steal all of the previous users blood back Eigth, return all the other stolen blood Ninth, get new identities, this crime leaves DNA everywhere Tenth, die of a blood clot due to incompatible blood types (optional)

okay realistically bleeding into a cut or a drop of blood into water and drinking it would be easiest but like... what if somehow dna could be baked into like a muffin or cookie or something... like i know when cooking with wines and stuff the alcohol cooks away and evaporates out but is that process the same for like blood? like if you baked your blood into a cookie would traces of your dna still be there? basically i want an ofa cookie (snickerdoodle preferably)

no i like my bones

drink a drop of blood. it'd go down easier than hair

no

Something dramatic and desperate in the heat of battle like blood or something

First of all, I think First passed OfA as he was dying entirely on accident, because Second was badly (though not critically) injured and they'd been sort of dancing around each other's feelings and doubting their own worth, so First, knowing he was dying and that his brother was a petty bitch who would probably kill Second anyway because he knows that First cared about him, kisses Second with blood on his lips and his last thoughts before dying are about how he wants Second to have the strength to survive if his brother comes after him.

If I was given the option of getting OfA, I wouldn't take it. I'm a coward and being given something like that is a death sentence.

If it was forced, probably ingesting the previous users blood, because blood is a lot easier to choke down than hair.

If I already had it and had to pass it on, I would want it to be something suitably dramatic like collapsing on the doorstep of a trusted loved one and explaining with my dying breath who killed me and why and then raising my blood covered hand to their face like I was going to caress their cheek only for them to taste blood. They cry and try to get me take it back and when I finally die they swear vengeance over my slowly cooling corpse.

Pass it on in a non-life threatening scenario where I decide I actually don’t like the weird bone breaking power a random person gave me as they were dying and wish I could pass it to someone else and through a weird set of circumstances end up accidentally cooking some of my own hair into brownies I was making because I shed like a dog and passing it to my new neighbor I came to welcome to the neighborhood.

Either drinking a glass of milk with their saliva (no icky hair taste), or an epic sharing of blood while clasping hands like knights in a noble brotherhood!

not by eating all mights long ass hair thats for sure, why did he give midoriya one of the longest ones he had, he has shorter hair right there on the back of his head. not to mention the fact of like how i would prefer to recieve it or give it away which would be just, fucking sharing a pop or something and swaping it through the backwash??? less nasty than hair and not as weird as the other options for spit which is like straight up spitting in a drink or the other persons mouth outside of kissing. if someone told me i had to eat their hair i would straight up say no thanks, cheers for the fitness glow up tho homie

I want nana 2 kiss me, on.,, the m,,,.."#*(@÷out.h pretty lady.,

Q-tip to the inside of the cheek

Those blood pacts where you slice your hands open and do a little handshake thing. Not very creative, but idk it just appeals to me

Via consumption of blood, babey

I would want it to be with a maybe maybe not homoerotic sword fight in a Wendy's parking lot, preferably while we are both being impaled on each other's swords. The sweet pain of almost dying is a very intense moment to share isn't it?

Sweet love

Hair

If it's someone cute, a kiss. Otherwise I'd probably just swallow a hair with some water.

i'd just like. spit in their water bottle. if thats not enough dna i guess licking a paper cut it is. hair is bad idwa bc it doesn't digest and can get wrapped up in things. and like. im too aroace for kissing and such

Last option, cause first is sexy as hell

okay you know what vore is, right. and you know how blood and organ transfusions work? well...

Not at all, like?? I enjoy being alive and not having my body destroyed thank you. Literally everyone with OfA died young-ish or has suffered debilitating injuries bc of it. Like Midoriya's bones are powder, and we don't even need to go into All Might's medical history. Like thanks but no thanks no freaky dna ingestion 4 me

Had a open cut from a can lid and ofa holder had an open cut. While lamenting about fins a successor.

Blood

Assuming we can bypass the rules of canon, it would be funny as fuck is OFA was passed on by intentional physical contact. So yes, a smooch for First and Second (and Second and Third) but also. Bitchslap of destiny. Nana giving her protege one last hug. All Might ruffles Mido’s hair like a dad to pass it on. I’m sure you get it

Bleeding over an open wound

lil bit of spit in a milkshake.

I hold their hand Platonically but it's summer and we're both sweaty and they're a little loopy and having weird thoughts due to dehydration and heat lmao, literally hanging around anyone for any extended period of time guarantees you accidentally ingest SOME of their dna. Dead skin cells are floating through the air ~constantly~ and if you have a friend I promise you've inhaled their dead skin cells before. Have fun with that knowledge!!

ok so like deffo a kiss, but in canon people get weird biological urges for using their quirks, like bby Toga drinking bird blood. First has had a LOT of "spit in their drink" intrusive thoughts over the years. immediately post first-kiss he is mystified that his intrusive thoughts have disappeared entirely, but then BAM it seems that second has the stockpile now, and with it, a preoccupation with vampire lore

drink from the same water bottle?

“EAT THIS!”

Pass it on by making them lick my arm because that would make them rly uncomfortable, passed to me by spiting in my 20oz Red Bull and then chugging it

The Curfew

My friends and I are all latchkey kids. The very definition. We wandered around town after school going to wherever we could that wasn’t home. Some of us had parents who worked long hours. Some of us had parents who didn’t care or weren’t in the right state of mind. Most of us were neglected in some way. We bonded in ways only the unwanted can. Almost incestually close because we didn’t understand or enforce boundaries. We were called cliquey and intimidating. We just called each other family and left it at that.

Our relationships with adults varied. We collected mentors the way some people collect Pokémon cards. We joined any group with gay association that we could. Our mentors were usually young and underpaid, forever toiling away at finding resources to fund them. They would eventually get tired of the powers behind the table and dip. I like to think most of them liked us and all were always apologetic to leave.

Marco was one of our long term advisors. I can rarely think back to that time without his influence. He was fatherly and safe. He always tried his best. He greeted our bullshit with the acceptance none of us had in our lives. He was funny and always tried to be positive, even in the face of shit pay and discrimination. We showed up hung over, high, sleep deprived, and other nonsense. He took it all with the patience of a saint.

We did the pride thing various times, though we had never spent the whole weekend. It’s an experience one should strive for at least once. Our current gay youth group (the big one you are probably imagining) wanted our help getting donations and to show for the parade. The higher ups liked parading us around since it made them seem relevant in the East bay. They hadn’t cared how we got there or if we had somewhere safe to go. We also weren’t strangers to trying to rough it out on the street if needed. Marco knew this from our past adventures and decided this wouldn’t do. So unlike any advisor before, he opened his home to us.

He lived in the Castro and his place was located on one of the very slanted hills the city is known for. His place was elegant and homey and had an odd window that looked into the bathroom. Adult me blanches at the idea he trusted us there considering the destruction we were capable of. After we had taken donations for the day and did the dyke March, we headed toward the infamous pink party at the heart of the Castro. Marco didn’t insist on chaperoning us, he let us go ourselves and told us to be safe and have fun. His only caveat? Be back to his house by one so we could get sleep before the March.

Half of us had never had curfews. The few who did usually lied about our whereabouts in order to go out. We had problems with authority, with maturity; rules were just things we stampeded through because we could. Yet there was something about this request, coming from a man who welcomed a bunch of east bay brats into his personal space so we could enjoy the weekend safely. We all promised solemnly and went out to play.

The party was fantastic. People dancing, people in costumes, people straight up nude. Everyone danced with everyone and no one cared. It was every bit unifying as it was debaucherous. The kind of freedom you only see outside a closet. We could have danced all night.

And then the clock struck 12:30. And like worried Cinderellas we all started back for Marco’s place.

The hills in San Francisco are no joke. It can literally feel like mountain climbing to get up then. Worse so if the hill is long and your curfew is coming up. We were exhausted from marching and dancing and just being on our feet all day, but god damn if we were gonna let the one adult who trusted us down. One friend tried to rest and told us to leave her behind. We dragged her up that hill. We were not fucking playing.

Drained and burned out, we reached his home a few minutes after one. I remember him at the door like a fussing parent. He didn’t hold it against us and had ordered pizza for us. He asked us how it was and just let us talk. It must be like what normal kids get to do after prom. We ate in joy and slept the sleep of the fulfilled and happy.

It has been several years since then. We are all adults and grown and our dear Marco is gone. Taken suddenly and way too damn soon. He was an adult who cared in a world of adults who didn’t. Unforgettable. Kind. Open. The kind of person I still strive to be.

And I will never forget that climb up until I am gone too.

Watching the panel through live blogs, let me see if I've got the gist of it.. so Misha loved his characters goodbye scene, but also knew that he was supposed to come back in some capacity but can't directly tell us more, just that it wasn't a bury your gays situation.

He loved the emotional climax of Dean's death and how Jared and Jensen acted it out.

He said he didn't know how the episode ended but now is worried the fans will disappear?

But he can't talk about it.

So help me out here, did he ever actually comment directly on the ending? Did he give his opinion on it? Or just comment around it.

(feel free not to post this, I'm just sad and frustrated all over again) 😔

Hi! Okay so I’m gonna be honest: I’ve spent the last 5 days (since the finale) on every social media platform (basically reading through the tears of sadness lol) and I’ve seen the panels and everything and I remember almost nothing of anything hahaha so I’ll try answering this to the best of my abilities. 

Misha loves the fact that he was able to get Cas saying “I love you” in a romantic way. For him, finally being able to actually confirm a gay Cas means a lot to him because he knows how much it means to fans. 

It’s speculation if Misha was supposed to be back as Cas in the finale but story-wise it’s pretty clear he was supposed to be in it. However, he can’t confirm that because he signed NDAs (just like every actor does) that will still be valid for an unspecified time period. 

My speculation: I doubt it was supposed to be a bury your gays' trope because Misha said that they went to Jensen about Cas’ confession and if Jensen didn’t like it, they wouldn't have gone through with it. To me, the only reason why they’d have to ask Jensen about going through with it would be if his character would say something back. I just doubt that they intended to go bury your gays because it is extremely well-known as awful and lazy writing and I doubt bobo would go for it if they couldn’t subvert it and bring Cas back in a way. But alas fucking CW. 

He cried watching Dean die because he saw Cas’ friend die. He praised Jared and Jensen’s acting but nothing about the storyline of that episode, outside of that scene, was mentioned. 

Misha said he hadn’t read the script of the finale and ep 19 (which I’m not too sure about because we know he was in Vancouver probably for the finale so he had to have read at least part of the script for his scenes)

A lot of meta writers/fans have speculated (and I agree) that the actors probably didn’t know that certain scenes would be cut. I mean we know Misha was in Vancouver during covid filming even though the CW tried to scrub all the evidence. Misha has always been afraid of fans disappearing, he’s been pretty vocal about that since the ending of the show was announced. But now he’s seen how hurt fans are. And they have all seen it. It’s too big of a portion not to see it. 

And (I’m speculating) I’m pretty sure they’re devastated as well. The devastation and sadness that’s been going around are so hurtful and bone-deep that it is the kind of hurt that would make fans disappear from the fandom. Misha knows that and so he was always afraid of the fans disappearing. This shitty finale that made absolutely no sense and that left so many people heartbreaking and angry probably makes/made him even more worried about fans disappearing. 

But yeah he can’t talk about the OG ending, he can’t talk about having filmed in Vancouver, he can’t talk about Destiel because they went ahead and basically shot that dead (again fuck the CW), he’s even being vague about who came up with the idea for the bloody handprint, he can’t mention the fundraiser The Castiel Project for the Trevor Project that’s been started by fans to donate money to and that almost raised 50.000 dollars. 

He can’t talk about any of it because all of that would imply that the ending was shit or was cut severely, or they stomped out the queerness etc. As long as he has an NDA he won’t say anything cuz he can’t and even afterwards.

(again this is me speculating) Misha has always been treated poorly by some factions of SPN/the network. For a guy who saved their rating in season 7 and who managed to get the show to 15 seasons (together with J2), he’s always been shunned aside by some. He is a pretty selfless and grateful guy so I doubt he’d go right out and say something. Maybe but I think he’s also aware of how much it would hurt the fans to know what they did to his character and destiel (we kinda know through speculation but we don’t KNOW)

Jensen is probably the one who’d open his mouth more, surprisingly. He’s extremely diplomatic in how he carries himself in this industry which is gonna get him far but his lack of posts since the finale speaks volumes. It’s a silent protest. He’s also got the NDAs. 

but (I’m speculating again) Dean is something Jensen takes extremely serious. I’m pretty sure he saw bi!dean (with ep 18) and understood that it made sense for dean as a character (which is why i think Misha said that comment about Jensen not liking it would mean it wouldn’t happen). 

Jensen already had trouble with the ending all the way in the beginning (probably dean dying). He then likely supported Destiel or at least the implication of it (ep 18). Only to then find out that all queerness was erased (which I’m guessing he saw that queernes as serving the story), Misha who played Cas a fan favorite was also erased, and Dean died (he cares a tremendous amount about dean and doing right by him). And all of that has been getting some severe reactions of people being extremely hurt. 

(Again I’m speculating) but J2 have been praised by Pedowitz for ages, and I think that all of that really soured Jensen’s view of people involved with the network that previously had his back. Jensen has been the most vocal already with his dissatisfaction with the finale/the way things were handled. Just look at his social media likes and the absence of both Jensen and Misha in the Thank You videos. 

He’s being vocal by being silent. 

Both Jensen and Misha and their characters fell victim to the CW trying their damnest to stomp out the queer. And wow did they do a brilliantly awful job at it. 

Jared you’re not gonna get anything for years because he has Walker which is on the CW so he has to keep those people happy. 

I just wrote a mini-essay again lol hahaha 

I’m sorry you’re sad and frustrated. I feel it too. Today was the first day I didn’t wake up and start crying immediately, so it does get better it’s just gonna sting for a really long time. Just know you’re not alone in your feelings. 

This ending sucked and it sucked because it didn’t make any sense. It came completely out of the left field and it was a complete injustice to the characters, the actors, and the fans. We all deserved better. 

Also: I’m not in the know so this is mostly me speculating. I hope I made that clear with all the brackets. 

Hey hi your murder mystery art is super totally cool and amazing and I'd like to Extra! Extra! hear all about it *rattles bells*

haha wow i cant believe ud ask me THIS! unbelievable! now im gonna have to make a long post!

all info under the cut cause im kind like that ♥

For reasons I felt like making a Fancy Ass murder mystery story, with you know, hella complex secret storylines and everyone having drama and shit, and one person died but the more the story goes the less people care about who did the murder and the more they want tHE JUICY DETAILs. X and Y had an afFAIR you say!!! well that’s thousands time more interesting than that murder that happened, who cares about the culprit its not like any of us are going anywhere anyway! tell me more about the marital issues!

The ultimate Vibes are Clue (the game, ya kno, it had a movie too, and that movie was shot with three different endings -fun fact- so that movie theatres could play one alternatively that way people wouldnt get spoiled or even if they did they would not get the ending they were spoiled or even if all three were spoiled you couldnt know which ending you were getting anyway, big dick move, cause its an old movie and film is expensive, also that movie stupid and campy, ALSO I ONLY LEARNED MAKING THIS AU THAT IN ENGLISH THE GAME’S CALLED “CLUE” wE CALL IT CLUEDO therefore my wip playlist is called cluedo. because. fuck it.)(i just have an emotional attachment to that game i even had a cd rom video game version and it was the spookiest shit for a 6 years old, trust me, i played it so much tho i didnt even understand the rULES i was just making scenarios like gathering the characters in rooms n making conversations outloud cause honestly the banter is the best part of a murder mystery) ANYWAY that sure is a whole paragraph of tangent. 

BUT YE the inspo from the Clue game. you can tell it from the Colours obviously, everyone’s colour codded.(even everyone’s name is colours as well you’ll see it’s real dang fancy! im just remaking that game but with 2932020 characters and more behind the scenes drama and also for gay people.)

So BASIC PLOT!

Sir Belyy, the dude in white, is The Rich Powerful Respected Fancy Boss, and he throws a Fancy Reception Party with his closest friends and associates to celebrate the opening of a new branch of his business. All the lads gather in his wonderful little very isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere, like ok he got a death wish or something or he’s very trusting of his business partners, but not a good move, cause in the middle of the reception, as A Phat Storm Starts (for plot convenience, we going with a campy vibe if you couldnt tell), his body is found, it’s awful, there’s a killer on the loose! All the guests gather, and attempt to maybe contact the authorities, to not avail, since The Storm ya know, phone lines are Broken my dude. Its clear that the culprit is among them, since no one could have entered the house, or left it (cuz once again, ThE sTORm). And then it’s all about interrogating each other, distrust, alliances and betrayal, revealing one’s deepest secrets when they form an alibi and revealing someone else’s deepest secret for they could be a motive! Meanwhile there’s a dead body in the mansion just chillin there. 

.

So as I mentioned, I changed everyone’s name to be colour related (or ya know, food or flowers of that colour cause sometimes a colour in a language would not work as a name given the way names work in that culture all that jazz) which is the trippiest thing cause tHATS NOT YALLS USUAL NAMES but its fun (also changed so many ages hgfhs it was a trip)(still no one’s really old i guess i got boomerphobia). The “Cast” is clearly the most important part, and if ur a True “My OCs” Connaisseur (hdfghd the most useful skill to have, knowing *MY* Charactersdshgd) you may have recognised some faces and can already read some vibes and predict who will be progressing the plot and who will be yelling at people throwing accusations ghdfgd.

(god i wish i hadnt slacked off making the portraits of everyone in that AU i only have 3 tho that’s so sad so ill just make little sketches just cause <3 only text??? i got too many hoes with no attention span for that)

.

Sir BELYY (the one who dIEs lmao)

(bust shot missing the fact that this man is the tallest beefiest lad around)

Intimidating, powerful, composed, wealthy, carries the name of a family who has generations of control to it’s reputation, he’s The Man that hoes who believe in the economy wishes they were. As in, the “self made” man who only just happened to benefit from having a wealthy background to uplift his plans. In his youth, he wanted to prove his worth, seperated himself from his father, started a business, that business became big, then got attached to the family’s business, bam back to square one but with Reputation now. There seemed to be VERY big tension between him and The Father, some speculate it had to do with his unknown mother, and some family drama there, and it never got resolved as old man Belyy died quite young (the jUICY speculations are that current sir Belyy mURDEREd old man sir Belyy, fucked up if true!). People love him though in general, as he has that reputation of “Cold Lad With a Gold Heart” aka he takes people under his wings, donates, doesnt treat his employees like the absolute worst garbage etc... you know, he’s rich and a half decent person, so obviously he’s an angel on earth. But does it matter though, he’s dead! that’s the concept of the story!  

Mr.GRAY (the grey guest)(who could have guessed from the name)

He’s one of Sir Belyy’s oldest employees, and benefits from a high rank in the company. But, sadly for him, he’s been stagnating lately, as newer, youngest employees seem to have Belyy’s favours, and are his prefered associates for important tasks and positions. Therefore he has Some Bitterness, Some Salt, Some Distaste, some unbriddled but professionally muted hatred for Specific people in the company. He can be an antagonistic figure, but the amount of time he spent in Belyy’s circle grants him an immense quantity of information about the man, but mostly, about his business. Anything about the company’s history, dealings, operations, he’s aware of, either having been told of them, or having snooped around to obtain, immune to being questioned due to his legitimacy in the company.

Mr.LIM (the green guest)

Remember when it was said that Gray had beef with some employees cause they were younger and rose to high ranks faster than him and became Belyy’s favourite over him? Yeah well here comes the one he hates the most for that (ofc he’s belyys fave cuz he’s Mine <3) Our lad caught Belyy’s attention for his Exploits in like, em fancy high school tournaments of smart people, it’s a thing its ridiculous, making kids compete on Smart stuff for the pride of their schools n shit, well homie Lim got clout when doing that, and Belyy was extremely interested cause that kid’s main thing was how “this young lad got mad strategic skills tf are u a war general or smth how fancy”, and that’s a coveted skill for ruthless business. So as soon as the kid is an adult, bam, join the company my dude. And because he’s just that Cool n Sexy ofc he met the expectations Belyy had, and old man Belyy got attached cuz it do be such a young lad, a kid, mentally i am adopting. That’s how you get a youngas employee becoming the right hand man of one the phatest CEO in a few years, and even make your way into being a Good Lad on top of a business partner. And that’s how you get Gray to hate your ass too. Now though, fine lad with mad strategic skills, rising to power that fast, and even infiltrating Belyy’s private life? If I were Gray I’d call suspicion there’s surely some shady stuff going no way we’re just dealing with a nice fella who just happens to work good and be friendly to the boss right?

Herra MUSTA (the black “guest”)

Belyy’s newest butler, assistant, house keeper, he multitasks. His family has been tied to Belyy’s for generations, fullfilling roles of help, but also of confidents. He’s been the head butler since only a short time, after his mother passed, and as such is still “in training” you could say, despite having served the family his whole life. There are rumours going around that the contract tying his family to the Belyys may end on his generation and need to be resigned. He known the manor by heart, and carries all keys to any locked room (and mostly, The Master Key, cause in an old house, some doors may be locked beyond all still existing keys). He also knows secrets of the family that no one else knows, but good luck getting em out of him, he’s under contract not to divulge em bro.

Mr. HASSEL (the brown guest)

Belyy’s childhood friend. They grew up together, pictured their dreams together, sworn to flourish together, worked together when starting the company, and then Hassel felt he should create his own thing instead of depending on his friend’s existing wealth, and while Belyy’s business went wild, his never took off. They still stayed very close, despite the massive difference in wealth. Belyy considers him his closest friend, the one person he can trust (fucked if hassel did the murder lemme tell u). So of course, he’s still always invited to the Prestigious meet ups where’s he’s free to feel uncomfortably out of place amongst all the rich and powerful people that he could have been a part of had he had a tiny bit of luck and a small loan from a wealthy relative...People LOVE saying he’s still hanging out with Belyy so much to leech off his wealth, cause of course they do! His bestie status means he has a whole different brand of information of Belyy than his butler does, the Most Intimate Stuff, the Childhood Stuff. The Juicy stuff ya kno...But Bro Code, its all secrets...

Sir RUZH (the red “guest”)

Deep dive into Belyy’s personnal history, the man has many employees working at his house keeping it working, clean, ya know the vibe. They live on the premice, one has a kid who’s just a Joy to be around, all the employees just vibe with that lad, he’s just a born socialite you know? Belyy gets to meet the kid, and also hella vibes with him. And because human are influenced by their feelings, he gives the kid’s mum a bit of a preferencial treatment, in the tasks she fullfils and all, til he gives her an important-as mission, and then there’s an accident n mama dies, and now Belyy got guilt and there’s this kid who just Vibes. So naturally the move is to take the kid in, and play on how his vibes are just so clean, and raise him to be the Perfect Entertainer for guests, bam, its soft power propaganda, if everyone loves your now son’s vibes, they associate them with you too. And also that’s kind of a clean rep, the selfless man who adopted his employee’s son to not have him fall to the streets, how heartwarming. Not at all traumatising for the kid too I bet! But anyway now the lad is just the most charming young adult, mission accomplished. He’s always present at any reception, ready to work his people-pleasing magic, and then going back to a gigantic empty manor to wait for the next and curate the perfect vibes to meet the expectations of dad. On the plus side, he knows everyone, and those who don’t know him cannot wAIT to, he’s just got that aura ya know. People skills for miles, and the insider knowledge that comes with being the son of the CEO, all this hidden behind the personna of the fresh innocent bashful party lad. 

Dr.FEN (the pink guest)

Do not get mistaken by the title, he’s no doc, he will not diagnose you with anything, he just studied long enough to get the sexy title. Study in what? Haha. Nothing shady. Just toxicology. He’s a world reknown poison expert basically, that’s his main thing. Oh but don’t worry, of course studying substances that may kill people is only for finding out how to cure them from it of course. What brings him in this circle? Simple, Belyy may or may not have started to suffer some weird illness that no doctor has been able to find the source, let alone cure, of. Him and Dr.Fen had met previously on some event, cause some rich man also love flexing how smart they are and attending sciencey shit, and he was contacted as sort of a shot in the dark. The lad does know how to treat some things, maybe he can treat The Mysterious Unwellness, since no traditional doctor was able to. He knows science, he’s trustworthy, bam, you’re hired to work on My Case Exclusively. Thanks to this, Dr.Fen has access to the whole health history of Belyy and his family, to many mANY dangerous substances, and also has The Respect of the hoes at the party. He HAS a doctorate after all. Epitome of knowledge. And he’s a kind to people and he wears pink like dang how can you nOT pour your wHOLE trust in him. 

Sir MOREVITCH (the blue guest)

Youngest son of an affluent family, who used to be close the the Belyys. The two families fell slightly appart after the death of the previous head of the family on the Belyy side, as they do nOT vibe with the current one (well current, til the first night of the story ig). But, unbeknownst to all, one strong link had been kept, between the youngest of the Morevitch, who dislikes his family and wishes to emancipate himself from them while also assuring his depart will not throw him basically in the streets, and our beloved Sir Belyy, who also dislikes the Morevitches but loves to see the rebellious energy of the young one (and ya know, my enemy’s enemy’s my friend or however you say that). So Belyy’s basically offering tips and helping Morevitch plant himself safely out of his family’s grasp, but it’s all taking quite some time isn’t it, slow and steady is fine until your parents try to arrange a wedding to secure more political power, and suddenly it is all quite urgent that you escape that situation because No Thank You Parents I Do Not Want A Wife I’m Too Young And Also Huh <3 Stuff You Won’t Like Hearing For Sure <3. The people who know they’re working together also know that it’s a big point of argument between them, the difference in vision between “you have to go slow and steady to be safe” and “I have very limited time to get to that safety anyway so I gotta risk it” “hell no you cant i can’t follow through if we’re going that quick that’ll put me at risk and you’re family’s gonna send gunmen to take me down”. A mess, it’d be much quicker to just obtain a few million bucks out of nowhere and bolt for sure...

Mr.GANG (the orange guest)

Morevitch’s trusted assistant. He hears the concerns, he helps the secret businesses, he lies to the parents about the whereabouts, and mostly, he’s basically a budget spy. The lad got that talent where people just don’t notice him popping behind them and catching all their dirty laundry as they confess it to someone they trust, and he always manages to break into places, get the intel he was looking for, and escape, putting everything back into place as if no one was ever there (wonder where he got all those skills from damn!). But what he’s even better at is being sneaky not only to benefit his boss, but himself as well <3. If he can catch all the info in the world, go any places, nothing’s stopping him from playing double agent and also going behind Morevitch’s back. After all the assistant life isn’t the most glamourous and rewarding, who can blame him from going and using his talents to build his own little exit route, right? Everybody sort of knows he cannot be trusted, but also no one managed to really incriminate or stop him, and as much as he has tea on many people, no has it on him, but bet once found that would be heeeella juicy.

M.MOUTARDE (the yellow guest)(this one is straight up the name of the yellow player in the french edition of clue too when i say its my main vibe)

Moutarde was an influential celebrity. He had a big break acting in a movie that the whole country stanned so hard they basically turned the script into their national anthem (they would have if it was a true democracy where the people really decide), he was so handsome and elegant, everyone’s dream husband. And then the fame fiddled out because it’s how fame is, one moment you’re the sexiest dish on the table and the next someone brings in dessert and baam, its all about that fresh cake, and no one pays any mind to your delightful aroma anymore, you’ve gone cold, they had a bite, their interest is somewhere else. Belyy really admires his work though, and mostly finds his image fits with the brand of his company, therefore the two are working on a collaboration to make Moutarde a representative. This WOULD boost Moutarde’s reputation, for his ads would be displayed on every imaginable surface of the country, and it would also benefit the company cause being represented by thAT sexy motherfucker? clearly that’s a deal. The freshness of the partnership means Moutarde is a newcomer in the guests, a fresh face, with no reputation, no relationships, no unfair biases against him. He’s just the new handsome charismatic lad with a squeaky clean image. Emphasis on “image”. After all, no one really knows anything of his background, right?

Kun.LAWENDER (the purple guest)

Private investigator, very useful to be around at a party it’s almost like it was expected there’d be a body to investigate, he’s a very close associate of Belyy, as there’s nothing more important to business than investigating the rivals and finding dirt on them to make them fall through infamy. He’s not exactly the PI who goes look for justice to be served, he’s just here for cash bro. He’s got intel on everyone, and will only let it out if offered the right thing in return (money, or sometimes other pieces of very secret intel, trade is good). Wouldn’t advise letting him and Gang team up tbh but they probably wouldnt, as Lawender is really more of a lone wolf player, going on his own for himself. The one thing that negates his usefulness as a PI on an accidental crime of scene is that even if he knew the whole truth of the event he would not spit it out unless he benefitted from saying it. He sure is a polarising lad, but at the same time, an untouchable one, he’s too knowledgeable to be taken down. Rather than sneaky, he’s extremely observant, noticing the tiniest details and engraving them in his memory, ready to be linked up to other details to deduct the big picture. He’s the upfront tea gathered basically (as opposed to Gang’s shadow tea gathering if you will, they are similar forces but using opposite methods)(also one of em got a licence n the other does not hAH).

~~~~

Now the secrets, all of em have them. One of em at least got the secret of having KILLED Belyy that’s that. But that’s to be kept for later (for if i ever use this story for more than daydream material gfhjgh) bet you can imagine what some of em may be just out of Knowing what i do, from having seen the characters in other contexts, or just because you’re a genius and reading the character profiles immediatly lit up the bulbs in your head forming the perfect theory, props to you, mad genius.

Honestly my thoughts are just how lit of a game that would be, you get to pick one hoe (maybe sum are locked til u find their secrets for juicy purposes) and you do your invetigation using your character’s perks and disadvantages, and maybe there could even be Multiple scenarios and outcomes, to spice it up, give replay value, i just think it’d be a game id spend hours on. tryin to get the spicy details of everyone’s life. walking around n digging through a rich man’s stuff, witnessing the drAMA of people fighting cause they’re locked in with a murderer and that’s stressful ngl. That or a long ass show @ netflix wanna give me a show maybe? give me hella budget we’re making it animated cause im too cultured for live action. 

whatever i make of it though, i hope i can make this story Flourish, just so that i can lay down all those secret backstories i’ve written. i want the satisfaction of throwing out the craziest secret drama between character n seeing peeps loose their minds, it just is a tasty experience.

also i gotta say, i plug the hell out of Clue for an inspo but when i was building the basics of the story my mind immediatly went “oH MY GOD THE VIBES,, THE BACKSTABBING AND tEAMING UP and all,,, its The Genius, that one tv show where peeps have to do the wildest games that require strategy n they’re in that fancy set that looks like a rich ppl mansion oh god the vibes” so yeah, i rewatched the whole first two seasons cause they’re my faves and that had an impact if only minimal in the aesthetic.

Anyway hope that quick presentation gave you a lil taste of the story, and maybe,,,, got you curious,,, craving to learn more like you never did before (im exaggerating the only real question we all got is just “so who’s fuckin with whom then how many of yall secretly dating” this the real deal)

Alright here’s my piece on this. I’ve been over some of this before. 1. The racist thing. No she’s... really not. You see the clips you see are all towards people who are asian correct? Let’s for second say she IS racist. She lived in Japan for how long like.. .years. Has tattoos of asian culture on her, and speaks the langauge, I believe she taught over there. now if say you were a racist or there was a racist against uhh... Germans. If you were say racist against Germans, where would be the last place you’d wanna go. Germany? Would you want to learn the language? No, you hate them. Would you want to have tattoos that involve their culture on you. no you hate them. Also i’ve seen the clips and I... honestly can’t tell the airport one as being racist, it’s been a while since i’ve seen it but I think it was more about language barrier or just airport security then ‘hey look japanese people don’t know shit’ then anything. And the other clip the one where she’s playing resident evil and says hello to the one character uh... ada? I can’t remember. It could be that she said... ‘herro’ or she could have just said it in a weird way that sounded like that.  I don’t know.  But in terms of people saying she’s horribly racist the evidence is... not adding up for me. IF someone is racist their gonna say and do shit more then just say ‘herro’ or complain about japanese airport customs. It’s gonna be something way bigger. And like i said if she was racist against presumably Japanese or asian people why the hell would she devote most of her life living there and learning the language. It doesn’t add up. 2. That one Transphobic game.  I didn’t know it was transphobic/against gay people at first either. Then again, i’m a dumbass. I just assumed it was more about weird... jerking off Idk games on steam are fucking weird. But looking back on it now, yeah I see the tells.  I think it was the same with Sean. Looking for content, ‘oh the name of this is funny’ plays it, doesn’t realize it.  But you have to remember he heard the concerns, apologized and took it down.  If Sean was Transphobic or against the lgbtqa+ I doubt he would take that direct of an action. That and the fact that he has donated and supported to groups and people who are part of the lgbtqa+. You’ve seen him play games with characters that fall into the groups before and relate to them and understand them and talk to the screen. I doesn’t see this as him suddenly not caring i see it as a lapse in judgement or a obliviousness that he went back and tried to correct. 3. Coranavirus joke? ADHD joke? I haven’t listened to 3 peens cause i usually get there later and i can see the games they play on the channels but it seems like he made a joke to Mark about the virus and about adhd.  Yes a joke like that can be tasteless, it’s dark humor but i’m gonna take a guess and say that Mark reacted and didn’t... care to either of the jokes. I feel like he wouldn’t. Why. Because they are friends and friends tell fucked up jokes to each other all the time. Now if Mark was uncomfortable that’s a different story and probably something he and Sean should talk about that has nothing to do with us. But otherwise it’s probably just a bad joke or teasing.  Have you heard some of the other jokes they say on the podcast? Bob joked about kicking dogs, Wade occasionally makes sexual innuendos that aren’t the most tasteful. They tease each other like no ones elses business so it just makes me wonder why these two jokes or teases are getting the most attention. 4. Toxic community/ doesn’t respond.  What the hell is he suppose to do. He is one man, and there are millions here. Yes he use to talk to us here and you know what he said. He was in a hell because he tried to solve every little problem, explain every little thing, he spent so much time checking up on people.  It’s all he did. And he was in a horrible place in his life. What would you like him to do? Go back to that and monitor every little thing and place the ban hammer down like he’s the law? Do you want him to spend most of his time spending it here and not living his life?  He said he’s taking a step back cause doing that is hell on his mental health and we saw it. One person can’t manage millions of people literally millions. It’s hard. So maybe the ‘go back to the green hair’ is talking about those moments of time,when everything seemed happy but in reality according to Sean, for him it sucked. Or he tries to take a step back and we all try to handle things on our own.  It’s a tough decisions and each one has flaws but I think Sean’s mental well being is more important then that.   But yes I agree the whole ‘pma, just cheer up’ and ignoring issues is shitty and NOT the way to go about it. Talking is needed but sometimes you can’t talk to people and other times they don’t wanna talk and just wanna make shit into more of storm. And at that point you just gotta block and walk away and think for yourself about issues that have been brought up. And if you don’t like them, then perhaps leaving is for the best. Sean isn’t the person he use to be yes. But... can you look back at your life a few years ago and say you were exactly the same person you use to be? Sure you might not do the mistakes Sean does but also you aren’t on camera everyday watched by millions with people counting on you all the time. That stresses a person. And sure that’s not an excuse it’s an insight on some things. You aren’t the same as you 2 years ago, 1 year ago, maybe even a month ago. And yet we’re putting Sean by these standards because he’s not exactly handling every topic the same as he once did and fucks up. Why? If you think Sean is really going off the rails, and won’t change then you gotta leave. I’m not saying that to be mean im saying that for YOU. It’s stressful and trying to possibly change a situation you don’t have control over isnt’ gonna help. You aren’t gonna change this outcome, if you think he’s doing bad or is turning into an asshole leave. You have no commitment or need to tie yourself to someone you once liked. If you think their being an ass then you are free to leave and if the truth comes out that they blew up a kitten or something horridence, then you can be the first one to come back and be like ‘i knew there was something wrong, and he was changing’ But connecting your life directly to one man and what he’s doing and weither he’s good or bad isn’t good and it’s holding you back. You gotta let it go and move on for alot of peoples sake, mostly your own, because that’s not healthy. 

sentence starters: personal top 101 movie lines

I have courage, but my spirit is so much less than what it was. –Watership Down

I lie here, I listen to the pain of the forest and feel the ache of the bullet in my breast; and I dream of the day when I can crunch that gun woman’s head in my jaws. –Princess Mononoke

You can buy me dinner, how about that? –The Aviator

Please let someone hear my plea to get it over with. –The City of Lost Children

I never bargain. –The Fugitive

Who’s evil? I never murdered anyone. –Haunted

In your dreams are you the victim or the killer? –The Eye of the Killer

He was a woman. –The Ballad of Little Jo

No money, no time. Spent it all. –Faust

My god, you almost look like a man today. –Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle

Everything’s packaged nowadays; even pretty girls. –Gay Purr-ee

Great, great, I’ve been shrunk by an amateur! Well go ahead, fairy, bash away! –Ferngully

I give a fuck. –Copycat

Oh! Remember that funny movie where the dog dies? –Inside Out

Define dancing. –WALL-E

Other people always let you down. Why don’t you forget them and do something for yourself? –Uptown Girls

Aren’t you gonna cuff me? Lock me in a choke hold? Blind me with pepper spray? –How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Sanctuary! –The Hunchback of Notre Dame

You can unlock any door, if you only have the key. –The Secret of NIMH

Filthy little beast! –Red Dragon

People will say we’re in love. –The Silence of the Lambs

You cannot defeat me! I’ve lived too many lives. –Snow White and the Huntsman

I made the vow for her. Do you hear?! The vow I made was for her! –The Swan Princess

I just want to be perfect. –Black Swan

If you douse me again and I’m not on fire, I’m donating you to a city college. –Iron Man

Let’s do Get Help. –Thor: Ragnarok

ATTENTION WENCHES! –Thor: Tales of Asgard

I am sorry. I have done you evil, and I cannot undo it. –The Last Unicorn

No sorrow will live in me as long as that joy…save one. And I thank you for that part, too. –The Last Unicorn

It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens and in the depths of the emerald seas and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts that the world which we see is an outward and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality. –The Thief and the Cobbler

You love him enough to give up all of this? What if he loves you not? –The Little Mermaid (sanrio edition)

I don’t care. I don’t care what happens to her. Or who takes her in. Or who throws her out, either. She’s a mean, flighty, ugly, sexy cat and I’m through with her! –Shinbone Alley

Kids lose everything unless there’s someone there to look out for them. –Stand By Me

That’s not my scarecrow. –Jeepers Creepers

I left to find help! And I found you. –The Lion King

As far as I’m concerned you needn’t worry about your old heel! I don’t need you to shelter and protect me! If you grow careless, don’t blame me! And I don’t care if the Cossacks do pick you up! Goodbye! And take this with you! –Lady and the Tramp

Nothing? Nothing?! Nothing tra-la-la! –Labyrinth

Prophets don’t know everything! –The Dark Crystal

I saw a child die today. It wasn’t my fault. –Evilenko

He sliced me in two, you know, and I’m still angry. –Spirited Away

We’re being here. –Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland

Big breasts…cool. –Tokyo Godfathers

Maybe I will shoot him. –Millennium Actress

I don’t know…how do you taste? –Coraline

Tell them the horizon is an imaginary line that recedes as you approach it. –Mona Lisa Smile

My first love. I traced her name in cow shit. She was my first, my last, my everything. –Romance & Cigarettes

I’ll be your friend. And I’ll try to save your life. –Charlotte’s Web

They gave you the Congressional Medal of Honor. They gave you, an imbecile, a moron who goes on television and makes a fool out of himself in front of the whole damn country, the Congressional Medal of Honor. –Forrest Gump

I watch a lot of Project Runway, what’s up? –The DUFF

My friend got injured today. And do you know the first thing I thought when I saw him go down? “I wish that was me.” So that made me think, you know, ‘cause that’s not a normal reaction. –Center Stage

Always separate the drugs. –The Goonies

All that crap you hear on TV about communication and expressing feelings is a lie. No one really cares what you have to say. –Speak

But you’re treating them like equals. They’re sheep; they’re inferior. –Babe

And we’re pushing, we’re pushing–We’re running, we’re running! –Cats Don’t Dance

To take a life, you lose a part of yourself. –Warriors of Virtue

If I was gonna kill you, I’d use my hands. –Fried Green Tomatoes

Forever is a long, long time. And time has a way of changing things. –The Fox and the Hound

La Muerte Roja, that’s Spanish. It means The Red Death. –Osmosis Jones

Can I give you some advice? You need to get better at this part of the job. –Spider-Man: Homecoming

You’re not just randomly putting paint on the canvas, you’re painting something. You can’t abstract from nothing, you can only abstract from life, from nature. –Pollock

We take the Indian Trail to the Tree of the Dead. –Sleepy Hollow

You’re gonna help me, bitch! –Party Girl

Nobody leaves this place without singin’ the blues. –Adventures in Babysitting

So you’re nothing more than a name. –Snow White: A Tale of Terror

Love and music are forever. –The Phantom of the Opera (1989)

She shouldn’t be unhappy. Fuck. What did she ever do to anybody? –The Weather Man

Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. –The Others

The little piece of bread that you just gave me. It saves your soul. –The Fall

Nice is different than good. –Into the Woods

All he knows is what he’s not. If only he could see what he is. –Balto

It’s the music I love. It’s the music I love. –American Pop

If I go back to the beginning, I could start it over again. –Proof

I’m a vulgar man. But I promise you, my music is not. –Amadeus

So what if I’m a puppet? Once upon a time… you were, too! –Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Don’t give me that attitude, man, I’m doing this all for you. –A Goofy Movie

I’m not allowed to insult the guests directly. –Megamind

Right. And I’m a Shakespearean actor. –Space Jam

And a giant clam that opens to reveal the American flag held by a mermaid and her normal brother, Richard! –We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story

And we thought you didn’t like us! –The Nightmare Before Christmas

I’ve seen the guy, he looks more like the Ghost of Christmas Future! Nowhere near as cute as Batboy. –Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

It’s already over with. You had no chance to make a difference. –Se7en (audio commentary)

Well, that was very brief. Just all the men in my life. Then again, there’s you. But, you need therapy. –Batman Returns

Oh, what am I gonna do? Well, for now I’m just going to say the ‘F’ word…FELONY! –The First Wives Club

Not all the saints were good, in fact some of them were downright crazy. –Agnes of God

You’re afraid of him? Of a dead man?! …You are a child… –The Indian in the Cupboard

His daddy was a dollar, his mommy was a song. –In Dreams

You might call it a fracture in my soul, something which left me with a taste for oblivion. –Mary Reilly

Put him on the phone, bitch! –Panic Room

Think yourself smart. I wish it was me. Take for your head and be who you wanna be. –Malice in Wonderland

Evildoers are easier, and they taste better. –Interview with a Vampire

Crazy isn’t being broken, or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you, and me, amplified. –Girl, Interrupted

If I’m the mirror and she’s the image…then who are you? –Gothika

Oh, you forgot something, didn’t you? In the beginning I told you this was the time I almost died. See you around. –Fallen

You’ll never be a vegetable–even artichokes have hearts! –Amelie

I told you I’m not very bright. –Some Like it Hot

The outrageousness of a human being thinking only of herself. –The Virgin Suicides

I’m sorry, just give me a moment to redefine my girlish notions of romance. –A Beautiful Mind

What a death! What a chance! What a surprise! My will has chosen life. Still it has had me spooked and many others besides. –The Piano

Would you please stop treating me like I’m a victim? You think I’m some kind of tourist in all this because I wasn’t raped? –Kiss the Girls

I think we’ve all got a blacking factory, some terrible something that makes us lose our baby heart as surely as we lose our baby teeth. –The Night Listener

There are others, others that hold onto an emotion, a drive, loss, revenge, or love. Those, they never go away. –Crimson Peak

I feel like English majors aren’t given enough shit. Here is my essay or whatever abt why English majors are terrible: (disclaimer! I am one)

We’re discussing lgbt+ representation in my critical theory class and some asshole in the back raises her hand and says “but people keep shipping male characters together and it annoys me! Why can’t men just be friends!!” And I swear to god I almost went feral on the spot

A couple of classmates and I were shit talking critical theory, as u do, and one of them said “my mom is genuinely scared that [our professor] is teaching us Marxism. She knows I’m gullible and she’s really worried about me” this was 100% serious and she was also worried she was gonna become a Marxist without noticing.

U know that one guy u always have in class that likes to think he knows everything? He bet the whole ass class $100 that none of us could name 2 myths from Egyptian mythology. This is a room full of ENGLISH MAJORS. HALF OF US WENT THRU AN INTENSE MYTHOLOGY PHASE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. anyways I won $100 off of him it was great.

Same homophobic shit idiot from before claims that men need friendship representation more than gay men need representation and I do go feral on the spot this time.

Half the class tries to tell me, in debate, that dumbledore is queer coded, actually.

When u roll around to talking abt queer theory in ur critical theory class and as the only out gay person it suddenly falls to u to explain basic concepts like “representation matters” and “queer readings aren’t actually part of the original canon”

Speaking of critical theory the same homophobic asshole from before also said she thought donating money to help sick children was a, and I quote, “waste of resources”.

One time a professor took points off one of my essays bc I “didn’t say enough nice things about the source material”.

That’s not even getting into the workshops. Listen I love workshops so much but god. It really brings the dumbass out

The first workshop I was ever in I had this guy turn in a story for his final project. The prompt was really simple: 2500ish words, either literary fiction or a personal essay. Guy turns in a 14 page genre fiction story that’s one of those “what happens if Nazi germany won??” Stories everyone hates. The main characters are two Jewish lesbians who both die at the very end. I had to tell this man that “and then she murdered him in the face” is not a good sentence. I spent five hours writing up my advice bc there were so many problems with it. Halfway thru he forgot how to use commas. One of my classmates had to have several meetings with the professor to get him to understand that his story was highly lesbophobic.

The twenty year old who kept writing poems about how much technology sucks.

In my last poetry workshop two of my classmates were exes and one of them kept writing really mean poems abt the other without mentioning their name

Someone in class will write something dark and depressing and abt suicide for every single assignment and it will make the whole class uncomfortable WITHOUT FAIL.

Didn’t personally experience this but a friend had a workshop with someone who thought including several explicit rape scenes and a scene where someone LITERALLY EATS A CHOPPED OFF DICK was okay for a classroom setting

Thoughts on Toy Story 4 (spoilers ofc)

What. The actual. fUCK was UP with the voice box scene????? That was so creepy and gross omfg whyyy pixar

Also would bonnie (or her parents, or andy if he returned)... not notice that woody suddenly didnt have a pull string when he had one before?

Bo peep should have been gay for the polly pocket lady ok

Tv tropes would call them "heterosexual life partners"

Yknow what, theyd say the same about bunny and ducky

I like that they subverted the whole "lady abandons the life she built for herself for true love" by making woody do it, but

He legit spent the whole movie, plus the last 3, being motivated by helping a kid and idk how i feel abt that

Wont the carnival people eventually notice whats going on in stoner punks booth? And fire him? And somehow try to stop the massive amounts of toys from being won? What im saying is, "give all the carnival toys new homes" isnt going to work for very long and then what? Are they just going to go back to bonnie?

O shit thats actually a good idea for a sequel or w/e someone make fanfic of that pls

The o canada playing when keanu reeves was having A Moment was hilarious ngl

Where... did bo get the skunk car... i wanna know

I thought they were gonna go with "woody is desperate to keep forky around bc, by making bonnie happy by giving her the forky supplies, forky making bonnie happy is also woody making her happy via forky (tldr vicarious happiness) but that was never addressed?

The dummies were creepy af especially when they were doing the toy equivalent of kidney "donation" in a motel bathtub full of ice on woody

I am still not over that terrifying scene can you tell

The buzz's inner voice stuff was funny af

As was trixie being a gps

And that animation was gorgeous ok

It's Tendou and his s/o's first Christmas that they're going to spend together at his parent's place and Tendou is super nervous because his whole family is just straight up fucking WILD and he's more afraid that his s/o won't like his family more than he's afraid that his family won't like his s/o, because who's he kidding, she's an absolute gem. Just a cute little scenario for the holidays :) I'm so glad you're back my patron saint

Hi my alias is Bee and after being gone for nearly half a year I’m back and swinging with a 5,000 word Tendou fic yes’m (Also there are a bunch of family head-canons in here for example- Tendou has two sisters and one of them is gay because why not right it’s 2017)

Also Merry Christmas Eve to all you nerds who celebrate it!

Satori stood at his bathroom vanity with his head in his hands. The sink had been running for a while now, unused, because he was far too lost in thought to even realize it was still running. His hair gel was open on the counter, and his toothbrush sat prepared right next to it. He had to get ready, he knew he did, but he was unable to do anything besides stare at himself in the mirror, his vision blurry and skewed from not blinking since he had spaced out.

He must’ve been standing there for a while, minutes, even. The background noise that the running water provided threw him further off loop, and it wasn’t until the bathroom door opened and slammed into his back did he realize that __ had been knocking. When the door knob collided with his spine, he yelped, his hands flying from his hair to the vanity in front of him. It took him a moment to process what had happened before he could compose himself. In the mirror he saw his girlfriend’s face, pale and terrified, but washing over with relief when he made eye contact with her through it and smiled sheepishly.

“Satori, I was knocking forever.” She sighed, stumbling into the bathroom and hugging him from behind. “You worry me sometimes, you idiot.”

“I know, I know.” He had somehow managed to push out a fictitious laugh, and stood up straight. Now that Satori could finally look at himself properly, he noticed that his eye bags were a lot darker than usual.

“That was a really fake laugh, hun. Are you sure you’re okay? If you’re tired or anything I have no problem just pulling up a map to your parents place and driving, if that’s what you’d like.” Hearing the mentioning of his parents place made Satori’s heart stop all over again. That’s what had started his panicking in the first place– The Holidays.

It had been established for months that this was going to be the first Christmas that Satori and __ were going to spend together. In years past they had either parted their ways to visit their respective families, or had just spent it together in the comforts of their own apartment. Although, this year, __ had insisted that they visit Satori’s family. He had met hers before, on countless occasions, actually, but she had never gotten an opportunity to meet his. It wasn’t that Satori had any problem with his family meeting __, she was incredible, he knew without a doubt that they would love her. It was quite the opposite, really. It was a miracle that she put up with him on a day to day basis, but there was no way that she could ever tolerate the likes of his family.

Satori placed his hands on  __’s and gently pushed them away. She shuffled up next to him and sighed, taking his face in her hands instead.

“You look worried.”

“I am worried.”

“Oh?” She smiled, kissing him gently on his lower lip. “Am I really that terrible? Is your family gonna hate me or something?”

“Yeah, absolutely filthy. I can picture their disgust as we speak.” He joked, rolling his eyes and kissing her back. She let out an amused huff.

“Really, Satori, tell me whats wrong. You know you can’t keep shit from me.”

“Unfortunately.” He released himself from her again and grabbed the gel off the counter. He figured if he was just going to stand around, he might as well get ready. There was no escaping this situation, now.

“__, if I’m being honest with you, my family’s a mess.” He sighed, running his gelled hands through his hair. “If we had a sitcom, it would be called, “Terminate The Tendous” ‘cause we need to be stopped.”

“Please.” She hummed, “I doubt you lot are that bad. You’ve met my family before, there’s no way you can get worse than that.”

“Please, you.” Satori finished gelling back his hair and ran his hands under the water, scooting past __ to dry them. “Compared to mine, they’re nothing.”

“Care to tell me what’s so bad about your family? Are they like, serial killer bad or, Aunt Mina has a pinterest addiction bad?” She asked, moving out of Satori’s way as he positioned himself in front of the mirror again.

“Both, but not really both at the same time?” Satori shrugged. “Ah, listen, I’ve dreaded the day that I’d have to tell you this, but I think it’s about time that I’ve told you about them.” He said, in the most pretentious storytelling voice he could muster. She laughed at this, smiling up at him through the mirror.

“Dude, finally. What have we been dating for, five years now? We have our own house plants together but I don’t even know your mom.”

“House plants don’t talk back.” He muttered, barley loud enough for her to hear.

Satori took his time brushing his teeth, __ sitting on the covered toilet seat waiting for him to finish. She looked adorable, he thought. She was wearing a dark green velvet dress that flattered her eyes, her hair in soft curls around her shoulders, bangs being held back with a black hair bow. She was the image of pureness that his family devoured.

“So, I have two sisters, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, the oldest follows me on Instagram, I think.”

“Gre-eat. That would be Hana. She’s five years older than us, and three years older than my other sister, so she’s pretty much always thought she was the absolute shit.” Tendou sighed, trying to talk and adjust his dark green tie, to compliment __’s dress, at the same time. “That, and she happens to be the tallest in the family.”

“Taller than you?” __ gaped, looking up at him from the toilet seat. “How? And why? Can a sister lend me some?” Tendou smiled at this, although it was bitter.

“Never tell her that, please. She’s 6’5, and if you’ve ever seen any of her pictures, she looks pretty normal, but that’s only ‘cause she’s standing next to her husband, who’s 6’11. By the time I was in first grade, she was in fifth, and we barely crossed paths unless she was outside for lunch, and I was at the playground, or something. She had reached 5’2 by then and since I was me, a disgusting little mushroom boy–”

“You were not a disgusting little mushroom boy.” __ interrupted.

“I was a disgusting little mushroom boy. Anyway, she would always scope the playground to see if kids were bullying me and would throw them into the wood chips if they were. You would think people would stop messing with me since I had fucking Goliath following me around, but nah, being protected by my older sister made me even more susceptible to bullying, I guess. But yeah, to this day she still thinks she’s my actual Lord and Savior, so expect for her to examine you until your ears bleed, I’m sorry.”

“She sounds awesome, hun. I think her and I are gonna get along just fine.” She laughed, and Satori grimaced.

“Ye-eah, I’m sure you will.”

“What about your other sister? Is she as bad too?” __ added, sarcastically.

“Worse.”

“Worse? Oh no, don’t tell me, she works at an animal shelter, right? Donates to the church? Helps starving children in third world countries?”

“Harhar, very funny.”

“Thanks!”

“My sister, Aya, is her name, was a wrestler in high school. She went to a different high school than me and Hana, at birth she had somehow dodged the Tendou family gene of creepy ass eyes and permanent scrawniness, so I think she kept her distance from us ‘cause she didn’t want to be known as related to us, y’know.”

“I doubt it, Satori. And could you stop being self deprecating?”

“Never. But, she was, and still is, this really pretty girl, y’know, always looks really well put together, but the moment she opens her mouth– it’s hard to tell the difference between her and some fifty year old guy at a bar on Friday night.”

“Quite the analogy.” __ added.

“I’m not joking. She’s horrible. You think I don’t have a filter?  She’s been kicked out of public places more times than I can count on my two hands. She was always a gem though. Despite being kind’ve an ass and pretty immature until her twenty first birthday, she knew how to beat people up, and got like, a million trophies for it, so my parents never really said anything about it.”

“Y’know, Satori, you’re making me think one of your sisters is gonna have me in a choke-hold while the other asks me for my social security number.” __ laughed, finally standing up and helping Satori fix his tie. He hadn’t even noticed that he completely unknotted the thing.

“I won’t be surprised. I’m so nervous, __, I’m so sorry. Is it too late to cancel and just go visit your parents instead?”

“Yes, its too late! We already promised that we’d spend the holidays with your parents, and spring break with mine. Besides, they live six hours away from here, we’re not prepared for that.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry-y.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry! I have a thick skin, you know! I’m not gonna die. Watch–”

Satori had zoned out from what __ had said next. He watched her as she fixed his tie, glancing up at him every so often and smiling wider. He felt his heart squeeze again. He hated to be overdramatic, he really did, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was throwing his beautiful, little beacon of light into a gladiator stadium, and his sisters were just the opening act.

“Satori, are you really that embarrassed of your family? If they’re anything like you, I’m sure they’re incredible.” __’s words snapped him out of his daze again. He shook his head, and kissed her forehead after she tightened his tie up.

“Honestly, I’m kinda being dramatic.” He shrugged, pushing __ out of the tight enclosure of the bathroom and proceeding to follow her out. “But they don’t know when to stop. I’m sure you’ll find Aya hysterical, her and her girlfriend both– but I know she’s gonna ask you all those weird-ass questions like-”

“Are you a virgin?”

“Exactly.”

“Please, I’ve been preparing myself for these questions since we first started dating.” __ scoffed, slipping on ballet flats over stocking clad feet at the doorstep. Satori sighed, leaning against the frame of the door. He watched her pick up the two carry-on bags, to which Satori hurriedly grabbed from her. She smiled up at him wordlessly for a moment, then shook her head.

“I’m gonna be fine, Satori. Oh! And I’m driving. I don’t want your nervous ass to crash before I ever get to meet your gem of a family.”

She threw a heavy pea-coat over her shoulders before shuffling out of the door, Satori close to follow. As she started the car up, he tossed the luggage into the trunk, then filing into the passenger seat. She already had the music going, one hand on the steering wheel with the other creeping towards his thigh. She winked at him, and for the first time today, he genuinely laughed. __ smiled, for that was her plan all along, and gave his thigh a squeeze.

“I can’t believe we’re going to meet your family and you’re the nervous one.”

“Okay, okay, I’m not as nervous anymore.” Satori interrupted, placing his hand over __’s. “Ju-ust slightly perturbed. How about that?”

“Better, I guess. You still have two hours to worry your little heart out.”

Tendou sighed, fluttering his eyes shut and leaning back on the car seat. A song he didn’t know the name of droned in the background, just loud enough for him to hear, but not loud enough for him to focus on. To keep himself awake, he drew lazy circles into the palm of __’s hand, to which he heard her giggle about. He could feel his pulse in his neck, despite still being two blocks away from his own apartment. He had a feeling that this week was going to be a long one.

Satori promised himself that he would stay awake, but somehow he dozed off. __ said he was out cold twenty minutes after they left, which wasn’t odd, she said, many people crash due to stress. Satori had a hard time believing that, though. If anything, he expected himself to be puking out the window once they hit the highway. They were ten minutes away from his parents, now, and Satori was fixing his hair in the small overhead mirror of __’s car.

“Sorry I wasn’t awake to bother you.” He said, out of the blue. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw __ shake her head.

“It’s fine, it gave me time to lip-sync along to the Arctic Monkeys without being made fun of.”

Satori would’ve responded to her comment much faster, if it weren’t for the fact that __ was taking the exit straight towards the small town he grew up in. A nervous, agitated groan left him the moment she started down the road that lead towards his neighborhood.

“Does being here regurgitate bad childhood memories or something? Or do you really just hate your family?”

“Both.”

“You’re gonna have to take me to Shiratorizawa while we’re here, or at least drive me by the campus. That and like, Wakatoshi’s old house. Maybe even Tooru’s, too.”

“Oh, it’s that a little creepy, __ dearest?”

“No! I’m just saying, I’ve never been around here before, I wanna know how you and all our friends grew up, that’s all.”

“It’s literally nothing special, it’s farm, more farm, small convenience store, high school, farm, farm, bigger high school, convenience store. It’s like this for about ten miles.” __ laughed. She grew up further up the coast, and when they first met, she told him that she had “never seen a pig in person.” Satori made note to take her to see one of those while they were out here, too.

Ten minutes had passed quicker than Satori preferred. Before he knew it, they were pulling into his neighborhood, and with each turn __ took, the more and more anxious he got. He didn’t mind vocalizing his anxiety, either, sighing melodramatically each time the GPS blurted out another demand.

“Y’know Satori, this would be a lot easier if you could just tell me which way to turn to get to your house.” She added, lowering the volume without even looking at her device.

“I know, but I don’t wanna.”

“Whelp, seems like you don’t have to anymore.” She laughed, stopping almost abruptly and taking a sharp turn into a driveway, his driveway. He whined, sinking lower into his seat and covering his face with his hands.

“__, please don’t do this to me, my beautiful little angel baby, you’ll get torn apart in there.”

__ said nothing in reply, kicking her car door open and kissing Satori on his forehead, the softness of her lip balm leaving an imprint.

“C’mon, ya big baby. I’m sure your parents are waiting.”

Satori nodded, unbuckling himself and hesitantly exiting the car.  __ was waiting for him, so he took her hand in his own, and walked her up the pavement towards his doorstep.

Before either one of them could even reach the door, however, it had already been slammed open, incoherent, excitable female voices ripping through the house. A brunette woman popped her head out and gasped, then all but screamed as she darted out the door into the snow in sock clad feet and straight for __. __ almost yelped as she was suddenly picked up by the woman, who was taller than her by a foot, at least. She couldn’t quite tell what the woman was rambling on about, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Satori blushing profusely into the palm of his hand, shaking his head and waiting for whoever this woman may be to put her down. All __ could do in that moment was hug the woman back, despite not even knowing her. She had to be one of Satori’s sisters, or at least she assumed so. At first glance, __ saw that she was a tall woman, not as tall as Satori, but she was up there. She had tumbling brown hair that fell down towards her waist, and when __ placed her hands on the woman’s back, she realized she had quite the muscular build. She figured it had to be Aya, she fit Satori’s description quite well.

When she was finally set down by the woman, __ noticed her eyes. Like Satori said, they weren’t as wide, or tired as his, they were almond shaped and beautiful. They were light green and complemented the freckles on her cheeks.

“Oh my god, you’re so adorable.” Aya was beaming, her hands traveling from __’s back to her shoulders, then eagerly grasped __’s hands. “I’m Aya, Satori’s older sister, it’s so nice to meet you, sweetheart.”

__ giggled and shot a glance up at Satori, who was shifting his weight from leg to leg awkwardly in the corner. It shocked him to see her smile, genuinely, and not out of sheer nerves.

“I’m __, it’s really nice to get to meet you after all this time, Aya.”

“Oh, this little idiots been talking about you for years.” Aya rasped, shuffling over the snow to pull her brother into a choke-hold momentarily. “You wouldn’t believe the things that came out of this kid’s mouth before y’all were even dating.” She laughed, ruffling with Satori’s hair before pushing him away, then pulled __ into another hug. She heard Satori sigh, then mutter something about getting the bags from the trunk. Aya paid no mind to it, and lead __ into the house, never losing her grip on the former’s hand.

The moment __ stepped foot into Satori’s house, she couldn’t help but smile. It was very his taste, she thought, from the murals of mountains of the walls to the several misplaced christmas lights hanging across the staircase, it wouldn’t be very hard for her to classify this place as ‘Tendou’.

Aya had lead her into the kitchen, next, exclaiming at the top of her lungs to, “Look at Satori’s girlfriend!” __ felt her cheeks warm up slightly, the exposure not necessarily agitating her, but definitely embarrassing her. A woman with short brown hair examined her next. She had the same, sleepy ruddy eyes as Satori had. __ noticed her eyebrow quirking upwards in the same way Satori’s did when he was examining something, and she found it hard not to call it cute. __ also noticed that nobody else in the house was red-headed like Tendou was. The middle aged man and woman standing by the stove, presumably Satori’s parents, we’re both brunettes, as well as both the sisters, despite who __ thought was Hana, whose hair was a bit lighter than the rest. Despite that one key factor, they all definitely had a familiar resemblance. __ couldn’t help but smile.

“Hi, uhm, I’m sorry. Satori’s still outside ‘cause I was kinda mauled.” __ stammered, and Aya laughed, her free hand slapping her on the back. “I’m __, it’s really nice to get to meet you guys, finally.”

Everybody had gotten up on their feet, and came over to the place where __ stood. Satori had come back with the luggage, and shuffled over to __’s side. He protectively nudged Aya out of the way and replaced her hand with his own. __ looked up at him for a moment, a smile toying on her face.

“They’re great.” She mouthed, before his mother pulled her into a hug.

Satori watched as his mother started talking her ear off, and he started blushing again. He knew tonight was going to be too long– full of repressed memories and everyone taking a stab at him to see how embarrassed he could get, and how fast.

Meanwhile __ found herself being crushed in another grasp, and wondered how everyone in this family had such strong forearms.

“Satori’s so in love with you…” His mother muttered into her ear, and for some reason, despite knowing this for years, __ felt herself get fuzzy. She merely hummed, not knowing how to reply.

“You really make him so happy… when he talks about you I swear I’ve never seen him happier, except for maybe volleyball in highschool, but that’s a different story.”

__ laughed, breaking the hug with his mother and giving him a look. He was talking with Hana, now, who really was as tall as Tendou said she was. Although, she noticed he kept sending her nervous glances every so often, as if monitoring the conversation she was having.

“It really is a pleasure to finally get to meet you, Mrs. Tendou. I really wanted to meet you before, but Satori was more nervous about me meeting you lot than I actually was.”

“Oh of course he was, that little stinker.” His mother shook her head and smiled fondly, first at __, then at Satori. “And please, don’t call me Mrs. Tendou, call me Mom.”

Satori was deep in conversation with Hana, at this point. She was asking him how school was going, how paying rent was going, and everything in between about being an adult. She hadn’t asked any questions about __, yet, but he supposed she was saving those for later. There was a moment of brief pause in their conversation, and that’s when Satori heard it, the mom comment. Suddenly his heart stopped, and Hana must’ve picked it up too, because she laughed under her breath and nudged him in the ribs.

“Oh… my go-od…” Satori muttered, slinking up to __’s slide and throwing an arm over her shoulder.

“Hi Mama.” Satori butted in, throwing his other arm around his mom and kissing her chastely on the cheek.

“Hi honey! I was just talking to your angel of a girlfriend over here.”

“I know.” He muttered through clenched teeth. She shot him a knowing, motherly look, then patted him on the back.

“We’re having dinner in ten minutes, why don’t you two go throw your things up in Satori’s old bedroom? Just so it’s out of the way for later.” His mother suggested.

“On it.” Satori nodded at __ to follow him towards the front door and the stairs, but he noticed that Hana had stretched a leg out to block the hall.

“Need any help?” She said, just sarcastically enough for it to pass as a nice gesture. “Y’know, at least one of you looks like you’d need help.”

Satori knew exactly what Hana was going at, and he hated it. He shot her a look, then glanced over at __, who had picked up on her all but selfless gesture as well. Instead of shooting a witty response back or defending herself like she always had with Satori, he was surprised to watch her cover her mouth, then laugh. This must’ve caught Hana off guard, too, because she stood up straight in the doorway and silently went to pick up a bag from the mudroom.

“That wasn’t all that funny.” He said, nudging __ in the hip once Hana was up the stairs.

“I know, it wasn’t, but that’s such a you thing to say?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I dunno. You. Your sense of humor, your way of speaking. I absolutely love it.”

The ten minutes had come and gone. The bags were placed in Satori’s old bedroom– not without being relentlessly teased about the anime posters hanging above his bed, though. Hana thought it would be funny to show __ just how many figures he had stock piled in his closet, to which __ didn’t really mind. Hana was doing it to tease her, really. Asking her questions about the weird habits Satori has, and how she deals with it. Poking fun at his appearance just to see what __ would do. (In that point in time, she just dismissed all the nerdy things she teased him about and shook her head obviously when Hana mocked his appearance.) It really amused Satori, how Hana could be so protective about him when it came to other people teasing him, but absolutely ruthless when it came to her teasing him herself.

Sitting at the dinner table, Satori found it harder to eat than usual. __ was doing just fine, though. She was having an offhand conversation with Aya in between bites of a roll, covering her mouth with her hand politely as she spoke. If it weren’t for the drastic physical differences between __ and the rest of his family, a stranger would’ve thought that this was __’s family, and Satori was the awkward boyfriend.

The rest of the conversations at the table fell quiet, everybody focused on their own thing to actually slip a conversation through. Well, that’s what Satori had thought, until Aya cleared her throat and, slowly but surely shouted, “Satori? When are you gonna pop the question already?”

Satori stiffened in his seat. If he didn’t have an appetite before, he definitely didn’t have one now. He noticed __ tense up too, covering her mouth with her hand and averting her eyes from the table to her lap. Yes, this was what he had been afraid of.

Aya’s girlfriend hit her on the arm. “You can’t just ask that at the dinner table!” She hissed, only for Aya to shrug

“I do what I want. The kids a keeper. I mean, just look at her.

__ didn’t look so great in the moment, though. Her eyes were blown wide, darting everywhere besides the faces of his family members.

“Aw, she doesn’t look too great.” Hana chuckled. “Does that mean that she doesn’t want to get married?”

Satori didn’t know whether to tell off Aya, Hana, or get his mom involved. He would’ve gone with his mother, but she looked amused, almost as if she was going to throw in a comment of her own. His dad couldn’t care less– this was the type of situation he’d call, “Lady Talk.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to get married to Satori.” __ added, uncovering her mouth. “It’s just that you guys rea-ally have a knack for saying embarrassing things at embarrassing times. Jeez!”

“You sure that’s all?” Hana teased.

“Yes, that’s all. I get that you guys are all real protective of him, with his past and him being the youngest and everything, but I can assure you that I’d never do anything to purposefully hurt him.” __ shrugged, leaning over in her seat to peck Satori on the cheek. “And for the record, we happen to get along ‘cause I’m a nerd too, so your plan to embarrass him kinda failed. There isn’t much that we haven’t shared with each other… ah… I hope that answers some of your other questions, too.” She winked at Hana, who’s smirk had faded into a dumbfound frown.

It was Satori’s turn to flush red now, he couldn’t bring himself to look over at his girlfriend, and only focused of Hana’s face. He was expecting another insult, or possibly a curse, but all she did was hold her hand up slowly, and high-fived __ from across the table.

“Atta girl, that’s what I like to hear.” Hana shouted, slapping __’s hand just a little too hard for both __’s and Satori’s liking.

“Great, great. I mean no disrespect or anything towards you, by the way. I really respect that are aren’t careless about your brother decisions.”

“Really? Thank you! Aya’s right, pop the question!” Hana shot a glance at Satori, who had buried his head in his hands at this point. Satori should’ve known all along that he shouldn’t be worried about his family embarrassing __. He should’ve known that the tables would’ve turned right back on him.

Tagged by @andallthatmishigas - 10 facts about me.

1. My first actual job - at the ripe old age of 19 - was working in a kennel. As a devoted dog person and a lover of German Shepherds it was the perfect first job. Before I could legally drink, I was the private in-home dog trainer for James Cameron’s (yeah that one) Black Shepherd puppy, Dexter. A puppy from the very first litter I whelped on my own. It was then I realized I had impeccable timing or incredible luck, as I’ve fallen into the most amazing and mind-bending circumstances and opportunities.

2. This luck/skill (and a healthy donation split with friends) managed to get me a private dinner with Isabella Rossellini with 6 of my closest friends at Nobu in NYC. Definitely one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

3. My puppy Ocho was born in my house when I whelped the litter for his breeder. He was born not breathing and it took me a very long time to get his airway clear. I cried when he made his first puppy noise and I named him on the spot. It took me 8 weeks to come to the conclusion that he could not leave, that he was MINE. We are now ridiculously and dangerously co-dependent.

4. My reading goal this year is 40 books and on this, the 4th week of January, I have completed 4.28 books.

5. I have approximately 54 hobbies and don’t spend enough time on any one of them.

6. Once I decided to knit myself a sweater and I did. But I am stubborn and didn’t want to do a gauge swatch so the sweater is about 6” too long in the arms and wraps around me twice. It took me a year and I wear it like a robe on cold days. I mostly only knit scarves and hats because you don’t have to gauge that shit.

7. My parents are divorced and have been since I was 5 but they are best friends. It took a few decades for them to get to this point (and for mom to forgive dad for marrying her when he was gay), but last year I went on a vacation with both of them to Hawaii. It was filled with drama but not between them, and mom relied on dad to help her deal with her ass-crazy sisters on the trip. I have never been more proud to be their “kid” than I was on that trip.

8. I have 3 tattoos. The Celtic knot on my ankle that was my “wooo I’m 21!” Gift to myself. I have a crown on my left wrist with blue jewels in the shape of paw prints. It was done in honor of my beautiful, living, amazing, perfect Briard Bonaparte who passed away last summer at 11. And third was a tat I got in Hawaii - a pineapple made of blue gems on my right leg. It has two inset gems of red and purple - the colors of my parents.

9. I met my best friend - my person - in the MSR5 (x-files) folder on AOL in 1996. We have never lived in the same place but for long visits but we talk all day long, every day. She knows me better than any single entity on this planet outside of my dogs.

10. My ideal day is spent lazing around with my dogs, reading, mainlining tv, eating good food and talking only to my person. I am at my happiest when I am in Peak Introvert mode, which is what my weekends consist of.

I forgot to check and see how many people I was supposed to tag so I’m gonna be lame and not bother. If you wanna do this - go for it!

I swear to god this is the greatest thing I’ve ever written.

Putting it here so I can bask in its glory.

“Rager” David convenes a meeting and tells everyone about Achish’s offer, “I can’t possibly say no to this.” Joel: “It’s a carrot. There’s gotta be a stick he’s hiding somewhere.” David: “Exactly. I’m scared if I don’t agree to it, the people in the borderlands are gonna pay the price.” Abby: “I’ve brought it up before, but we need to consider going to other countries.” David: “Which country, exactly?” Abby: “Moab.” Jack: “Are we really *that* desperate?” David: “We’re pretty fuckin’ desperate.” Jack: “When Moab separated from Jericho, the King of Jericho was happy because for once the trash had taken itself out. Queen Laura is only Queen because she poisoned her husband, and you’ve already been poisoned once!” Michelle: “Okay, Jack, when we met King Norris, he had more fat in his arteries than either of us could eat in a lifetime. I’m pretty sure Laura didn’t have to poison him. Besides, any old man who marries a woman that young is basically asking to get poisoned.” Abby: “In the five years that she’s reigned, Queen Laura has actually donated more of her personal wealth to philanthropy than any other sitting monarch. She’s peacefully settled a lot of disputes between rival militias and actually brokered peace between a few of them. Moab has resources. It has wealth that Gath doesn’t have. Personally, if I had any sort of choice in which country I ended up in, I would have gone to Moab.” Asher: “If we go to Moab, we could get a hotel on the beach.” Jack (muttering): “Uncle William is in Moab. If partnering with Moab means partnering with him I’m fucking leaving.” David: “I’m with Jack, if a partnership with Moab means partnering with CrossGen, I’m not doing it.” Abby: “We can negotiate that.” David (sighing heavily): “Not that it matters, anyway. We’re stuck here in Gath until we can get the Borderlands issue resolved. Is there some way we can… just make Achish want nothing to do with us?” Abby: “What do you mean?” David: “If we could get Achish to no longer trust us, but without being treacherous, like… if we could convince him we’re unreliable, useless, even, and we’ve been incredibly lucky, but we’re not a threat to him.” Asher: “You want him to think we’re a bunch of idiots.” David: “Yes! Look, we’ve met with Achish, talked to him, right? But we haven’t really shown him who we are. What if I can convince Achish that I’m just a dumb piece of meat that people flock to because I’m hot?” Jack: “You are hot, babe.” David: “Thank you, Jack.” Michelle: “If he thinks you’re an idiot, he’ll throw you out and put Jack in charge.” David: “What if we’re all idiots? What if Samuels picked us out to do his bidding because we’re all stupid and easily led, and now that Samuels is dead, we’re floundering in our own idiocy?” Abby: “I can’t act like an idiot. I’m the one who has to negotiate the borderland deal and make sure it doesn’t come with any strings attached.” David: “No! That’s good! One smart person to tell Achish that we’re all stupid!” Abby: “Well what if Achish wants me to work for him, then?” David: “Shit. I dunno. Cross that bridge when we get to it, I guess.” Jack: “Michelle and I can have lunch with Queen Lena. It’ll be easy to get her to hate us, all we have to do is act like Mom.” Joel: “What if he catches on? We can’t all be complete idiots.” David: “But you could be an angry person who uses politics as an excuse to punch people.” Joel: “Yeah, I could.” A big smile spreads over David’s face, “Yeah, we can do this. We just have to be careful, plan everything out. This is gonna work.”

On the way to meet Achish, David runs into Doug, an old army buddy (one of the guys Jack invited to come in from the front on First Night) who has joined the resistance. David is thrilled to see Doug, and he asks where their other friend is. Doug: “Still in Gilboa.” David: “Shit. I can’t talk now, I’ve got a lot of shit to do, but I’m definitely gonna catch up with you later!”

In the negotiations with Achish, David plays a mix of “golly gee whiz” ignorant farm boy and meathead jockbro, all while managing to be charming, while Abby expertly hammers out the details. At one point, Achish sees something on David’s wrist, “Is that a tattoo?” David pushes his cuff up, where “DELIVER US FROM EVIL” is tattooed around his wrist, “Yeah, I was thinking about what you said in the cathedral about you know being a king and how a king protects his people and all, and then, there was that our father shit, and the priest said, ‘deliver us from evil’ and I thought…. man, that would make a sweet tattoo. So I got it." After the deal is made, Achish congratulates David and Abby. David: “Hey, if you think me and Abby are cool, you should see the rest of my guys. They’re really cool.” Abby: “You should see the training program we’ve set up.” David: “Yeah, you can’t meet everybody, though. I mean, some people are still in Gilboa. It sucks you can’t meet Monique, she got me into the resistance.” He pulls something up on his phone, “See?” He shows Achish a photo of Monique dressed as the Holy Virgin Mother, but instead of holding the baby Jesus, she’s holding a giant, veiny cock. David: “She’s amaaaaazing! She made our flag!”

Jack and Michelle have lunch with Queen Lena, the frumpy Queen of Gath who Rose has always been a bitch to. Michelle wears a slutty dress and acts like an airhead Paris Hilton type, while Jack does an imitation of Rose with the cold, malicious perfection that only an angry gay son could do.

Isaiah and David take Achish out to see Isaiah’s bomb making proficiency. He lights off explosives by size and gives them all stupid names and generally acts like a pyromaniac. One bomb goes off unexpectedly, causing Achish to duck, “What the hell was that?!” Isaiah: “Discrete charge that can be dropped anywhere and detonated remotely.” David: “SWEET!” Isaiah makes a big deal about showing off his biggest, baddest creation, but when he presses the button it doesn’t go off. “Shit, lemme try again.” It still doesn’t work. Achish suggests going onto the next thing.

Elsewhere on the training grounds, Shay demonstrates a hand-to-hand combat training situation for the Queens of Gilboa. She appears skilled and competent, and Achish watches with approval. After the lesson is over, a female student approaches and asks Shay a question. Shay blatantly stares at the student’s boobs and flirts with her. The student flirts back.

In a building, Joel tells stories of all the brawls he got into in prison with a disturbing amount of nostalgia, “Shit man, almost makes me want to go back.” The sound of a distant explosion causes Achish to jump again. David: “Sounds like Isaiah got his bomb to work. I hope he wasn’t there when it went off.”

Back at home, Achish and Lena talk about the AFG. Lena: “The prince and princess are just like their mother. Absolutely horrible.” Achish: “Shepherd is up to something. I thought he’d be delighted with the borderlands deal, but this makes me think he doesn’t want it.” Lena: “How could he not want it?” “I don’t know!” There’s a knock at the door, and Abby enters. Achish asks her what David’s up to. “Up to, sir?” “He’s planning something. Something that involves making me think he’s an idiot.” Abby remains convincingly confused, “Have you…. ever really spent time with David, sir?” “Every time I’ve spoken to him, he’s always impressed me.” “Yeah, that’s the problem. People tend to think he’s smart because he looks good, he’s charming, and he knows how to give people what they want.” “If Shepherd is stupid, how did he manage to organize an army?” “That was Reverend Samuels, sir, and Samuels is dead. David Shepherd is a golden retriever. He means well, and people like him, but he’s easily led, and useless on his own. That’s why Samuels picked him. Every success we’ve had since his death has been just unimaginable luck.” “What are you saying?” “We’re lost without Samuels. If you’re thinking of using the AFG for anything, you’ll be lost, too.” Achish sighs heavily and thinks in silence for a moment. Abby, with deep sincerity, “I hope this doesn’t affect the borderlands deal.” Achish: “The paper is signed. I can’t very well go back on it, can I?” A brilliant smile breaks over Abby’s face, “So the deal is safe?” “Yes. The Borderlands are autonomous and will remain so.” “Well, if you don’t mind, sir, I have to go celebrate with my friends.” “Very well.” Abby gets up to leave. Achish: “You’re a very talented negotiator, Miss Hatch.” “Thank you, sir.” “I’d be honored to have you as a diplomat for Gath.” Abby hesitates, “I have to think about that, sir. Good night.” “Good night.”

David and everyone wait around the bar/stage area of the hotel, which is decorated for a party, complete with kegs and a DJ booth. David sits talking privately to Doug, “We need to get out of Gath. I’ve got this crazy idea, I don’t know if it’s gonna work, but I’m hoping it will.” Doug: “If you aren’t going to be in Gath, where are you going to go?” “Abby wants to talk to the Queen of Moab, see if she can help us at all. But beyond that, I dunno. It’s impossible to look too far into the future at this point.” Abby comes hurrying into the hotel. David stands and greets her, “How’d it go?” Abby, breathless: “It fucking worked! Time for step two!”

Cut to a rager the likes of which Gath has ever seen. Asher mans the DJ table while everyone chugs booze. David, who is shirtless, Abby, and Isaiah, who is dressed like an alien general from a video game, nervously look out a window that overlooks the entrance of the palace. David: “It’s not working. Should we make the music louder?” Abby: “Any louder we’ll all go deaf.” Isaiah: “I know what to do. Meet me on the roof.”

On the roof, David shivers and talks to Abby. Abby: “Achish wants me as a diplomat.” David: “Shit. Well, maybe this will work.”“I don’t know. I think I have to do something. ” “If you want to be a diplomat for Gath, I won’t stop you.” “I fucking don’t, that’s the problem! I have to do something that will make Achish never respect me again.” “Don’t ruin your dignity or reputation for me, okay?” “Okay.” Isaiah appears behind them, his arms crammed with fireworks: “I make these in my spare time. I’ve been dying to light these babies of for weeks!” He sets up a roman candle and lights it off. He names the chemical responsible for each color, “Strontium carbonate! Calcium chloride! Sodium chloride!” David: “It’s like chemistry porn!”

Achish, asleep next to Lena in his bed, is awakened by loud booms. Panic-stricken, he runs to his window, and sees fireworks going off over the hotel. “OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

Abby spots movement at the entrance of the palace, “Oh, shit, its working!” Everyone runs downstairs. In the bar area, David runs up to Jack, who is also shirtless, wearing tight pants, and lots of black eyeliner, “Come on!” They go up on stage. David grabs two microphones from the DJ station and hands one to Jack. He grabs a plastic crown and puts it on his head. “Hit it!” At the front of the hotel, Arthur, Sean, and Ethan guard the door. Achish and his security men go up to them. Achish: “What’s going on in there?!” Sean: “Autonomy, man, the people want to celebrate!” “Let me in!” Ethan: “Yeah we can’t really do that…” Achish: “I’m the fucking king in this country, not Shepherd!” Achish pushes the brothers out of the way and wrenches the door open. On stage, David and Jack, arms around each other’s shoulders, scream sing along to “Mr. Brightside.” Michelle, in a plastic tiara, dances on the bar. Achish walks into the hotel, and is immediately accosted by Isaiah in full cosplay glory, “Halt, human scum!” Achish’s security men knock him over and keep going in. They see Shay, who is making out with the female recruit from earlier. She sees them and makes the international sign for cunnilingus. In the bar area, Abby has a sudden moment of inspiration: “I know what I have to do!” She goes over to the nearest person, who happens to be Doug, “I need to borrow your shoulders!” She proceeds to climb up on his back. Across the room, Joel talks to one of his friends, “I’m sorry for doing this, but it’s for the greater good!” Friend: “FUCKING DO IT, MAN!” Joel punches him as hard as he can, knocking him straight into Achish as he goes into the room. Jack and David scream sing the chorus and jump up and down in time with the beat. Before the security guys can get to Joel’s friend, he gets right back up on his feet, and brawls with Joel. Michelle pretends to sniff a suspicious white powder. Abby points Doug toward Achish, “Over there, over there!” Doug staggers over towards Achish. Abby rips her top off, “TITS OUT FOR BORDERLAND AUTONOMY! WHOOOOOOO!” Doug trips and they both topple over. Jack and David’s performance reaches its off-key climax, “I’M MR. BRIGHTSIDE!” Achish goes over to the DJ table and rips all the wires out. The music stops, grinding the party to a halt with it. Achish: “What in god’s name is this?!” David: “Uh, we’re celebrating? Thanks to DJ Hillel for the sweet tunes.” Asher gives a thumbs-up, “Shalom, motherfucker.” Achish: “End this party. Now.” David steps forward, concern and sincerity on his face, “Oh, shit, I didn’t- I’m sorry if I upset you, man, I just… That’s my home. I want to do what’s good for it, and when something good happens, I want to celebrate. Because we really haven’t had a whole lot of reasons to. Autonomy under Gath is going to be so much better than anything under Silas. That’s incredible, man! I have something I can hope for, now!” Achish eyes David warily. David: “This… this won’t hurt anyone, will it?” Achish: “End the party now, and it won’t. And no more fireworks.” Achish turns and leaves. David, “Good night, sir!” The door closes. Abby goes up to David, “He’s seen my tits. He’s never going to look me in the eye again, much less want to work with me.” David: “Okay. Thanks for your noble sacrifice.” Jack laughs, and David has to smile, “I think it worked. Let’s all go to bed. We’ll clean this mess up tomorrow.”

David, Jack, Michelle, and Doug all walk down a hallway. David, to Jack, arm around his shoulder: “Mr. Brightside always makes me want to fuck your brains out.” Michelle, “Can you not say that in front of his sister?!” Jack laughs, “We should be idiots more often.” They go off into their respective rooms, and Doug, alone, goes into his at the end of the hallway. He enters his room, and gets a phone out of his suitcase. He calls a number, and on the other end, the head of the Gilboa spy agency listens in, Silas and Abner beside him. Spy head: “What do you have to report?” Doug: “Shepherd wants to leave Gath.” “Where is he going?” “He didn’t tell me. He was rushed and couldn’t talk, but he still believes I’m his friend. I’m pretty sure he trusts me. I just need to find enough time to really talk to him.” Abner: “Can you get a grasp on the morale of his followers?” “From what I’ve seen, everyone still loves Shepherd, and believes in him. There’s no dissent among the ranks.” Silas: “How are Jack and Michelle?” “I haven’t spoken to them, but from what I’ve seen, I’d say they’re happy to be here.” Silas: “That’s all I wanted to know. I’m going to bed.” Doug: “Good night, sir.”