A Word-Filled Update
that no one's asking forrrr~
Sooooo, hiya~ ^^
Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)
Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3
(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)
Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)
That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.
This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.
But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~
So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.
I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)
Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~
I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!
Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.
So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~
There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3
And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~
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okay, so i was doing a little planning session for the next few chapters of four walls and have been forced to accept that it’s going to be WAY longer than i originally intended. like. so much longer. when i first came up with the idea i was like, “okay, a cute little friends to lovers fic that’ll maybe be a little longer than here comes the sun”, but now we’re a YEAR in, and only just hitting the midpoint of the fic???
at over 125k words, it's somehow become an entire novel-length endeavour without me even noticing - and honestly i'm a little intimidated by the task i've set myself. i've never written anything this long or in-depth in my adult life (much as i've always wanted to), and it's kind of a really big deal for me to have got to this stage with a project. i'm totally in love with it, but also definitely feeling the pressure now, because god. writing something this long is HARD. there are so many threads and themes to weave in, and writing the shift of inner and outer relationships whilst maintaining an innate sense of identity is so challenging. the more i write, the more the characters mean to me - and the more i want to do them justice.
i worry that i won't, sometimes. and i think that's the most difficult part of writing something this long. the fear that you'll spend hours and weeks and months writing something that ends up only ever telling a half-hearted version of the story you really wanted to tell. and it can feel like very a lonely process, too. going through the ebbs and flows of writing while shouldering all that pressure. it makes me more grateful than ever for the wonderful people who engage with this fic - it really helps keep me in tune with the joy of creativity, and quietens the self-criticism and doubt that so often slows me down.
i don't really know what i'm trying to say with this post. i suppose i just wanted an outlet for the emotions that come with writing a longer fic, because it's just - a lot, sometimes. and it's been taking up space inside my head i'd rather have for the actual writing. that fear that despite all my best efforts, it'll all just collapse in on itself like a black hole. i know it won't, because i love this fic too much to ever allow that to happen - but the fear is still there, sometimes. when i'm thinking about the trajectory of the story rather than getting lost in the actual writing of it. i suppose the truth of it is i've never been that good with commitment or intimacy - and writing this fic not only explores both of those things in significant depth (no coincidence i'm sure lol), but is in itself an intimate act and a huge commitment.
i know i just need to trust myself and the process - and in the moments where i do, it's just magic. i love the alex and miles i've created in this little world so much it almost feels like i've known them half my life - and i'm so, SO excited to finally be getting my teeth into this next phase of the fic. it's what i've been working towards since the very beginning, and while i know it's going to challenge me in lots of ways, i'm also feeling so inspired about it; some of the passages i've written for the next few chapters are my favourites of the whole fic, and i absolutely can't wait to share them.
i hope no one minds that it's going to be a good while before four walls draws to a close. i fell in love with the idea for it the moment i had it - but writing from alex's headspace has taken me down paths i'd never have expected, and made me realise that there was SO much more to this story that i want to tell than i originally thought. sometimes it feels like the characters have taken over and are writing it themselves, and i’m just along for the ride with little say in where they take me. all i know is that i'm very grateful to be with them for the journey 🌟
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do you think you will publish the pride au this year?? or when do you think you will? (from a very excited and impatient anon)
hiya! so the short answer to this is—i dont really know! not with enough certainty to start making hard predictions. the long answer is that it’s probably heavily dependent on how much of it i write this summer once i finish uni—i would love to say it’ll be done this year but im also aware that im going into my final year of uni come september so will have dramatically less time 2 write!! i am an incredibly slow writer by habit as ive said before and some parts of what ive written so far took months to write whereas other parts of similar lengths were done in a just a few weeks like the end of ch2!! and i am very motivated to start writing again once i complete my uni assignments so i wouldn’t rule out getting enough done over summer to put it up before the end of this year, but i also wouldn’t hold myself to that!! so i suppose the most concrete thing i can say about it is that it if it does go up next year it’ll be very early next year, but ill probably have a better idea of how long things will take based on where i am by the end of the summer : ^ )
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I wasn't planning on doing anything this week, because of this weeks strike. But the environment me and my sister's are in isn't good for us.
My hair is falling out, I'm constantly in pain from stress, and my anxiety is so bad that I cannot sleep. Meanwhile my sister is bleeding from the stress. That's just the stress my older sister and I are going through.
Hello, if you aren't familiar with me, I spent 2023 homeless for majority of the year. We are living with someone else and have been since Thanksgiving. Since then, my sister got a job, I am working on getting my ID, i have the money for it, I just need to get to a DMV, and I am enrolling myself into school again.
I stay at home with my two younger siblings, one is still a minor, the other is an adult, but they're both disabled and need someone to help them fulltime. Hence why I stay at home.
We are with a legal guardian and their partner, but our legal guardian does not own the property. And it's unclear how much they know is going on with us and their partner who is making us stress out to the point we deem it unsafe.
This partner stated I cannot stay on the property to take care of my siblings unless I enroll into school. I am hoping I have everything I need to fully enroll because I have very few documents on me.
I am the primary caretaker for my siblings, my older sister is right after me. As I understand and meet their needs, they trust me to advocate for them and to protect them.
Making this stipulation has made trying to enroll even more stressful than it had been before. Hence the heightened anxiety.
My older sister and my other sibling, who are four years apart, had a dispute yesterday. The younger one did attack our older sister, our sister did not retaliate. It was all verbal except for that attack, however, this partner is claiming there's abuse.
They threatened to take it to CPS as we have an active case open, and despite trying to explain the situation, it changed nothing. They told us this is far from over and they know the system.
We have already talked about wanting to leave because of the first instance with me. Now, we believe we have no choice but to tell CPS about how uncomfortable we are in this environment.
If you can help us get out of this environment, here's some links that can help.
Cash.app
Paypal
I hate having to do this, but I cannot handle this constant pain and anxiety. I already have health issues that I constantly have to maintain, I am scared about the damage this is doing to me. I'm even more scared for my sister because she's having similar health problems our mom has had, and those are fatal.
So please, share or donate if you can. I apologize for having to do this again but I have put it off as long as I could.
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