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dengswei · 5 months

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2023: A Year in Review

tagged by the wonderful @weiwuz thank you!!

rules: link your favourite and/or most popular post from each month of this year (it's totally fine to skip months and tag some CCs you love!)

i'm going to link more than one because i feel like i've improved a lot over this past year as i adapted more to using photopea & explored a lot more when it comes to giffing using it & i'm proud of how far i've come this year! (also you can see when i went from only doing 1 gif a month to like multiple 🤣) apparently i didn't make very many sets in may that aren't in my eyes "boring" 🤣

JANUARY

first love: hatsukoi + terminal by lewloh & julia gartha

kurodachi | cherry magic + moment by jeff satur — for userdramas event 3: beginnings

lan wangji | the untamed (golden core reveal & all the things he said to wwx when he didn't know he was coreless because i love inflicting pain)

FEBRUARY

kodama sakuko | koisenu futari — for userdramas event 4: love

asatsune | reversal orchestra (with a quote by r.m. drake)

MARCH

asatsune | reversal orchestra ep 8

mike chinnarat in midnight museum ep 2 (this one might also be most popular people were rightfully unhinged when they saw this set/him in this drama)

asatsune | reversal orchestra ep 9

core four | brush up life

APRIL

jiang cheng | the untamed — for userdramas event 6: second time to shine

JUNE

takahashi satoru | koisenu futari — for userdramas event 7: identity (it's rainbow coloured what else can i say)

jeff satur lucid mv (aka the set i still kick myself for forgetting i could've used this for userdramas bingo)

wasteland by kang daniel set (another set where i kinda used b&w and didn't hate it also i just love the blending in this set, & the og mv for SOS was like yellow)

JULY

wei wuxian | the untamed — for userdramas get to know me bingo: character

AUGUST

takahashi satoru | koisenu futari — for userdramas event 9: icon

SEPTEMBER

xiyao | the untamed — for userdramas event 10: emotions (i really loved how this one turned out with the transition of the colours & just the colouring in general i really love)

asatsune | reversal orchestra — for userdramas get to know me bingo: relationship (i had a lot of trial and error with this set, it took a whole like 7 months for me to finish it because i kept going back and redoing the colouring because reversal orchestra if you haven't seen it is like literally colour coded yellow/orange, you can also tell it took me this long because this is one of the few sets after like july where i used my old gif size)

OCTOBER

xiyao | the untamed — for userdramas event 11: inspiration

NOVEMBER

songxiao | the untamed — for userdramas event 12 loss (this one is actually probably my favourite set of mine of all time)

yaojing | lost you forever — for asiandramanet nov bingo: animation (fade transition effect used, this one took me a long time to make & it turned out so much better than i expected)

tushan jing | lost you forever — for asiandramanet nov bingo: quote (i'm not a lover of using yellow in my gifsets & i actively tend to avoid it but i wanted to use yellow because i think it embodied the quote well and i surprisingly loved how it turned out)

tang lian | the blood of youth — for asiandramanet nov bingo: blending

DECEMBER

zhening | story of kunning palace — for asiandramanet dec bingo: black & white (b&w is another thing i tend to avoid with my gifsets because i usually dislike the outcome but i really loved how this turned out)

yunqing | reset — for userdramas secret santa + asiandramanet dec bingo: overlay

jinwoo/moeun | tell me that you love me — for asiandramanet dec bingo: free choice (i've been wanting to use this quote for agessss and it was just perf for them & this set has grown on me a lot)

yaojing | lost you forever (ep 33) — for asiandramanet dec bingo: typography (ironically for this what i love about it is the colouring)

jinwoo/moeun | tell me that you love me (ep 9) — for asiandramanet dec bingo: comfort

i'm too lazy to tag people so please feel free to say i tagged you, & if you read the whole of this post ilysm

#lex waffles #long post #me: i don't use b&w often #also me: here's a bunch of sets with a few b&w gifs #okay this got hella long #really proud of myself this year #and i feel like the set i'm working on right now could also make the december list but i won't be getting that done until before sunday lol #the way i colour my gifs & the way i blend i also changed like midway through the year along with my gif sizes lmfaoo #i can't pin point where exactly the colouring/blending change happened but i feel like i want to say it was the xiyao emotions set

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llycaons · 9 months

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ep38 (1/3): that which resembles a romance but is in fact a horror short film

lsz is eager to help ofc, but wwx doesn't know who he is yet

wwx asking for jl and the jiang bell matters - his connection to his old home and family. and apparently the jiang bells are powerful? they were more described in the book. I actually forgot they were even in the show since they're barely talked about

THERE SHE IS!!!!!!!! I love a-qing, such a strong personality, her own goals and motivations, curious and intelligent and out for herself and brave. it is shitty to pretend to be disabled, but I'm going to blame the author for that instead of a 16 yr old orphan girl living on the streets. it's not like it doesn't backfire on her anyway

also she's so funny. 'why do men dress nice when they're poor, this is an attack on me specifically'

FIRST MEETING!!! that blindfold is alarming but the blood looks a little pale (fake)

ohh I could swoon. saints and heroes don't really exist in this world, it's too complicated and brutal for them to survive. but xxc was as close as anyone else ever got and I think a-qing knew she'd never meet someone as special as him again

not to say he doesn't have flaws - his naivete is disastrous for all of them and he overlooks her concerns out of a patronizing dismisiveness when he should be respecting her instincts, which helped her survive all her life on the streets. also, it's admirable of him to be nonjudgemental but xy just has odious vibes and it's a tragedy he was so charmed by him that he didn't pick up on that. sort of a xxc jgy situation except xy was fully in love with him or whatever approximates love for him and I still think jgy was mostly using lxc to survive. so another dark foil to wx just as songxiao are a lighter (but still tragic) parallel

anyway he thinks a-qing is funny and is clearly endeared by her, and she clearly likes him a lot despite lying to him. their dynamic has so much chemistry and potential for being great family, it's a shame they're not more popular to write about. this is probably one of the only reasons he's had to smile since he and SL parted ways

smart girl! this guys sounds like bad news, so get outta there

ah! curse the hyperdeveloped senses of a cultivator!

unlike the tragedy of wwx, this could literally have all been avoided if not for a single person - there are many ways to rewrite this and just have them never cross paths. of course, that misses out on the richness of this story and the themes at play, not to mention their significance for the wider narrative, so I don't particularly like yi city fix-its before the fact. but they're definitely easy

christ he's bleeding like craxy. what did they do to him. and why didn't they do it better

of course as soon as he sees xxc he's like FUCK

yeah and if xy lets xxc touch his hand he'll know he's missing his pinky

...not that I like to think about them having a relationship but IF they had sex I wonder how he managed that

god this is so kind 😭 why couldn't it have been wwx that xxc found and they just had a nice little family time (they're cousins or something) for a decade or so before wwx was comfortable enough to leave. MAN

a-qing sleeping in that coffin then hopping out is so cute I love her

it's only been a day and already he looks perfectly groomed clean robes clear skin fully hydrated etc. the man knows how to look good I gotta say

and he starts right off by being a piece of shit to a-qing. I think the siblings dynamic can be really funny but lbr in canon he terrorized her and she hated him for it

I thought this was kind of dumb. like even if she was blind anyone would feel a SWORD. and if he learns she's not really blind, what, xxc is disappointed? I suppose it means he's less careful around her. bc she was able to witness a lot of his crimes bc he wasn't as watchful, assuming she couldn't see (and therefore could never understand what was happening? ableist of him)

a-qing: please don't leave me alone with this scary stranger we picked up by the side of the road, he's really aggressive and he's lying about who he is and I think he's dangerous

xxc: oh you silly girl. he'll be leaving soon *immediately starts flirting with him*

actually xy comes at this with a very specific angle. it's almost like he's emulating wwx - he presents himself as someone hardworking, uncomplaining, and good-hearted despite the hardships he's clearly gone through. of course xxc was taken in

haha no big deal! I'll just casually drop this little fact! it's definitely not something I want you to know about me so you can sympathize with me while admiring how blase I am about it! MAN

on the one hand I can see why xxc is being so open-minded and I appreciate his kindness. on the other hand he IS misled by his own feelings and she is also literally right. she gives him good reasons not to trust him and he's like *pats her on the head* we'll be fine

the head-pats are sweet when coming from adults to their kids (or jyl to wwx) but it just feels patronizing here

literally this is blatant flirting. a-qing off to the side going 😭 he has a crush what I am supposed to do now!!

and THIS??? I was so shocked the first time I saw this I was like THIS is allowed but wwx and lwj can't hug??? huh??? idk the exact specifications of the censorship but in some ways xy/xxc hits you harder with the gay subtext than any other couple including wx which is so wild to me. and also deeply tragic obviously

I think it helps that the writers have a very solid idea of what this relationship is and exactly how each character felt at every moment of it. meanwhile for wx interactions can be very inconsistent and confusing. anyway GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM YOU FREAK

so yeah overall super eerie and frightening to see xxc fall so readily in love with someone you KNOW is cruel and sadistic and lying to him and deceiving him. like this could have been a cute second-love kind of deal with a new family in a new city. fresh start. but then again, no it couldn't have

#cql re-rewatch

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grapefruitsketches · 4 years

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Untamed Spring Fest 2020 - Day 6: Breeze

(honestly, who else could be “breeze” but XXC?)

Part of my Songxiao post-canon fix-it fic series (this is the “XXC Prequel”):

Also available AO3: link

2,883 Words

Songxiao, Xiao Xingchen Centric, hurt/comfort; Post Yi City Arc, I don’t care how XXC survives/is revived, I just know he does/is.

“Say something. Say something. Can’t you say something?” the wind had shifted, the dead stayed silent, and he felt himself shatter, leaving only frozen shards of the disgusting joke he’d turned out to be.

He was moving. More intriguing, though, was that he was. But what was he exactly? He remembered being whole, but this was not that. Whole was light, sounds, smells, taste, touch. Whole could even be without some of those sensations, but he didn’t know what to make of being without any of them.

Yet he knew he was moving, so he knew he was something.

He drifted, musing that this must be what it was like to be like leaves on the breeze. No… not leaves… something else in the breeze. He was… he was…

A memory of cold light piercing the dark, creating dancing shadows through the branches swaying in the breeze. He reached and melded with the answer, which had been floating next to, and now was once again part of, him.

The Moon in the Breeze.

That had been him. But that couldn’t be true now. The breeze couldn’t be moved. The breeze was the one that moved. And certainly his movement right now was not of his own doing. The air around him compressed and he became aware of walls around him which were now contracting, squeezed by some force larger and outside of the world he now occupied.

Zichen.

He felt a rush at that name - he did not have to reach as answers to questions he had forgotten rushed to him from all around. He - whatever he was - grew as the pieces merged together. How could he have forgotten the Gentry despite the Frost?

Zichen had been his first guide in a world totally unfamiliar to him. He had known from their first meeting that he could always count on Song Lan to follow him, wherever the breeze might take him, without that promise ever having to be said aloud. Xiao Xingchen - for with Zichen’s name had come his own - had been able follow trails to any number of disasters, and Zichen would always be close behind him. Xingchen had been prepared to roam the world alone ever since the day he gave his farewells to the mountains he had grown up in, but Zichen had made sure he always had someone by his side.

So it was no surprise, then, that Zichen would be the one sheltering his growing awareness.

He was content. Existing only in the warmth and knowledge that Zichen was by his side, protecting him.

But this contentment wavered. There was something else in here. Something else that, like the other pieces he had merged with, was him. But this other-something was not warm. It was not light. He wanted to retreat from it, hide, remain in this safe bubble he had formed for himself, under Zichen’s protection. But even as the instinct to hide grew, so it became apparent that this was impossible. The darkness drew close, vibrating dangerously, electric, reaching to rejoin the spirit it belonged to. This too, was a part of him. And resistance was only temporary denial.

He let it in.

A shock, like the feeling of removing a slipper to expose the frostbitten foot hiding beneath to the open air.

You couldn’t do anything. You’ve failed miserably. You’re the only one to blame. You asked for all of this!

He felt himself flicker, and it was all he could do to prevent his fragile light of awareness from falling apart once more as his darkness joined the light.

He remembered that the voice was right about him before he had even remembered who the voice belonged to. Its dangerous vibration was now part of him and he trembled violently, almost missing that the movement of the spirit bag - for he now understood where he must be - moved him up, no longer merely the light jostling that came with Zichen’s gait. His trembling softened. Something occurred to him, despite Xue Yang’s echoing voice. Zichen was still alive? Perhaps his failure had destroyed less than he had imagined? But then… why had Fuxue attacked him? The feel of the cold metal, the engraved characters in the sword, were clear in his memory.

He was confused, but a tightening pressure on the spirit bag felt somehow reassuring. Was Zichen… hugging him?

He wanted to sob, he wanted to yell, he wanted, above all, to return Zichen’s embrace. But here he was - useless, trapped in this dispersed form and only grateful that the mercy he was subjected to was of someone who would never hurt him.

But how?

It had been Fuxue that had tried to attack him, before he had let his own Shuanghua finish the job. Zichen would never do that to him, so he had known that his cultivation partner must have been under Xue Yang’s control. And then, Xue Yang had all but told him that he had killed Zichen himself. No matter how hard he tried to break off the part of himself that remembered, Xingchen knew that he had driven Shanghua through the silent form of the one he tried to protect above all, before casually greeting the foe he had thought was a friend. He had soon found out that the silent form had not been a corpse at all. At least, not until Xingchen had intervened.

The pressure placed by the hands on the bag increased. This was… not even forgiveness but…concern? Love? Despite everything, Zichen didn’t even blame him? But… Xiaochen had been everything Xue Yang had accused him of - a stupid, naïve, dumb idiot. He had killed innocents. He should have stayed on the mountain, as his Master had urged. The only one who had deserved Shuanghua’s blade had been himself, and yet… here Zichen still was. Why?

You were trying to do the right thing.

A voice came from another fragment of himself as it joined his core. The voice was Baoshan Sanren’s. He was 8 and he had brought her a baby bird that had fallen from a tree. He had been in the middle of asking her what he should do to help heal it, when it had died in his hands. His Master had sat him down and gently explained that it had died of shock, that it might have been ok if it had been left alone. She explained that once the bird had met the world outside the nest, it couldn’t truly return to its home. Master Baoshan had told him hat sometimes, the best thing we could do was to stand aside, to let nature take its course. Perhaps the bird’s mother would have come back, perhaps not. But, she had said, he should not feel too bad - even though he now held the dead bird’s body in his hands - he had been trying to do the right thing, after all.

He remembered the baby bird. Its shivering form, the odd angle of its wing, its panicked look as it searched for the edges of the nest that were its sole context for the world. Its final shudder, and its sudden stillness.

His Master’s pitying but resigned look had been echoed when, years later, he had decided that he should take the lessons he had learned from her and try to help heal the world with them.

Baoshan Sanren had taken a sip from her tea, the bitter scent one that he had never smelled again once he had left the mountain, and told him that he could not expect hijs actions to heal the world. That there were some things that were best left alone and others that, no matter how he intervened, would stubbornly persist in the damage they caused. He had known of the fights between clans, of the needless bloodshed of innocents that these disputes had caused. He had thought that if he stayed out of it, he could avoid the tragedies that Baoshan Sanren, in her relationship with Lan Yi, or Cangse Sanren, in her relationship with Wei Changze (and by extension, the Jiang clan) had experienced. He had vowed to remain independent.

He had caused the massacre of Baixue Temple anyway.

You were trying to do the right thing.

Of course he knew that - he had pursued Xue Yang, who had, in the absence of clan politics, taken it upon himself to exterminate various minor clans. He had seen the bodies, the remains of whole cities, the families, the children! He had tried to end it. He had only tried to end the murders. Did that relieve him of responsibility for the lives lost in Yi City by his own hand? He must have spoken to some of them - asked for directions, for a good price on potatoes. They had been innocent. His sword, the one he had sworn to use only to do save the world, had ended their innocent lives.

But what was the cause?

He was 10. He had found, hidden behind a panel in the library, a scroll, It had looked like a diary. It outlined a theory on the use of talismans to subdue demons. This was not what had drawn his attention though. Instead, it had been the notes scrawled in the corners, seemingly unrelated to the scroll’s general premise, musing about the relationship between the cultivator and the outcome for the souls they sought to soothe. The comments wondered whether it was the cultivator’s job to put the spirit to rest, whether it was only their job to try to put the spirit to rest, or whether it was merely their job to try and return peace to whatever environment the spirit was aggravating at the time, regardless of the outcome for the spirit itself? What was the original cause of the disruption? The scribbles had underlined this final line several times.

The scroll had been signed Cangse Sanren. Xingchen had wondered why she had cared so much - didn’t it matter just as much if you played a role in disaster as if you had started it? Either way, you could have stopped it.

Only if you knew that was what you were doing.

This voice… it didn’t have a specific source that he could recall. It seemed, instead, to be coming from within. He paused on this thought. What had he known?

He thought back.

He had known that he belonged by Song Lan’s side. He had known that it was his place at Zichen’s side that had led to the massacre at Baixue Temple. He had known that his continued presence by Zichen’s side could only hurt them both, that all he could do to repay Zichen for the harm that he had caused was to give Song Lan his eyes back. He knew that blindness was hardly even a loss compared to what Zichen must have felt, coming back to Baixue Temple to the carefully and conspicuously organized bodies of the people he had grown up with.

Xingchen had also known that he was helping A-Qing - that the two of them would work better as a pair than they could alone. He had known that the man they had found on the banks of the river had needed their help, that he couldn’t survive without them. He understood that this man had suffered, that everyone deserved some kindness, some gentle treatment in their lives. That providing some candy was a small gesture that would mean a lot to this person. He had known - or thought he had known - that Zichen would be better without him. He believed that the best Xingchen could do for this Song Lan, who had shown him so much compassion, only to be repaid in so much tragedy, was to pay his kindness forward, to provide for those who had no one they could rely on.

He had known all this, had acted based on it. So… he felt the bag clench again from outside forces and realized that he had once again become agitated. He leaned into the pressure. Did he truly deserve to suffer when he had been acting only to bring more kindness to the world? What, as Cangse Sanren had asked, had been the cause?

Xiao Xingchen had never been one to deny responsibility. In fact, his reputation in the cultivation world revealed the opposite: he was one who would accept responsibility even where there was little if any connection to his actions. And yet, he was still a man of reason. From here, feeling the affection coming through the gentle touch of Zichen’s hands on the spirit bag, and reflecting on the events leading to the massacre in Yi City, he could not find his misstep. He could not identify a moment where he could have done differently. The man who had set him on the course of bringing tragedy to the City had done so by preying on Xingchen’s drive to save the world, not some secret need to destroy it.

The darkness, that had seemed so huge, so all-encompassing, as it had joined his form, seemed to shrink, made small through the combination of the affection flowing from the pressure on the spirit bag with the growing strength of the light of the essence that made up most of his spirit. It still hurt, it no doubt always would. But it hurt like a bad memory, like a nostalgia for a time before one knew of the bad things in the world. It no longer felt sharp, was no longer a pang of guilt and self-hatred, a feeling that but for him, the world would be a better place.

If he could forgive Xue Yang, one who had committed murders on purpose, as a victim of circumstance, could he not afford himself at least a fraction of the same courtesy? Leaning into the hand he knew was at the walls of the spirit bag, he felt that maybe he could.

It took some time. He could not speak, he could not do much but make himself brighter, or expand slightly. He hoped, he prayed, that Zichen might notice. Eventually, he was able to expand himself to reach every corner of the bag he occupied, to push against the edges of the space he occupied, to brighten, to flicker. He was rewarded for his efforts. He heard a grunt of surprise, then excitement. He understood that the bag had been hugged close to a chest. He heard a whoosh, and understood that he and Zichen were in the air, flying, urgently, somewhere.

There were voices - not Zichen’s, which Xiao Xingchen had not heard since that terrible day at Baixue Temple - but others… was that Wei Wuxian? What had been the cause, that boy’s mother had once asked. Wasn’t Wei Wuxian dead? What did Xingchen know? He was so disconnected from the world. All he knew was that sadness turned to cruelty. Xiao Xingchen had concluded that this had been the cause of his own situation, but he suspected that this might explain many other tragedies. He had resolved himself to avoid this treacherous path, of assuming the worst in others. It could only cause further harm. Perhaps there had been more to Wei Wuxian’s story?

“Good luck.” This was the voice of Lan Wangji, recognizable as a voice Xiao Xingchen had only heard when it had something important to say. What was Zichen up to?

Xiao Xingchen didn’t dare to hope - it was enough to exist by Zichen’s side, was it not? To know he was ok, that he was living the legacies of Xiao Xingchen’s mountain home and Baixue Temple in his own way. But still… Xingchen could not deny it would be nice to feel Zichen’s touch yet again, to ask and know that he let himself feel happy sometimes.

The bag opened, and for the first time in a long time, XIngchen felt himself move along the path of a breeze, along a path of least resistance, to a familiar home inside a form he thought was lost to him forever.

He let out a breath. A true and pure breath of clean air. He had rediscovered the use of fingers, had started rotating his wrists when a weight fell across his now rising and falling chest.

“Zichen” he breathed, happy that that could be the first word to pass his lips after all this time. He felt warmth on his cheeks as the tears he could not cry as he had lingered in the spirit bag were unleashed all at once. He regained feeling in an arm and moved it to embrace, as he had longed to do for so long, the shaking figure draped over him. “Zichen” he repeated, feeling both disbelief and a profound understanding that there was nowhere else he should be right now.

There was much they had to figure out - apologies that would flow both ways, new obstacles they would have to overcome. But for now, Xingchen thought as he held his Zichen’s sobbing shape close to him for the first time in over two decades, this would be enough.

I have ideas for a companion Song Lan piece (probably day 18?) and possibly a joint XXC/SL piece later this month! Let me know if you’re interested, I’ll post them here and on AO3 (same username) :)

#untamed spring fest #the untamed #mdzs #songxiao #xiao xingchen #song lan #apparently I had a lot of songxiao feelings #my writing #songxiao fix it series

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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 10 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Meta)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Unclean Realm

Lan Wangji has a Louis Henry Sullivan moment on seeing the Nie family home, becoming enraptured by its overwrought monumental architecture after a lifetime of restrained good taste and single-story buildings.

He approaches the fortress with the expression of delighted wonder that he usually reserves for when he’s looking at the moon or at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian is like, yep that’s a building, all right, but he supports Lan Wangji’s kinks.

Meng Yao tells them about the Wen Clan directive, and has what appears to be a moment of genuine, affectionate amusement at Nie Huaisang’s reaction.

Jiang Cheng kinda blames the Lans for inventing the whole “indoctrination” thing and for encouraging his brother’s disaster bi tendencies. Wei Wuxian responds by complimenting the Lan Clan, almost like someone who met his true love got some real value out of the instruction he received there.

(more after the cut)

One of the great ironies of this story is that Wei Wuxian sort of becomes a rogue Lan disciple because of his relationship with Lan Wangji. He relies on Lan temperament techniques, uses music as a primary cultivation method, has committed all of the Lan rules to his supposedly terrible memory and cites them on multiple occasions, and is an important mentor for the younger generation Lan disciples. Because Hanguang-Jun is just that good in bed.

Xue Yang in the background of this conversation is channeling OP’s church-enduring, school-enduring inner 10-year-old.

Nie Mingjue, Chifeng-Zun, appears, and couldn’t be more different than his brother. On first watching this episode, I saw him as a grumpy, sexy, very emotional leather daddy man who is quick to anger. Rewatching, I see someone who’s struggling with a growing illness...the resentful energy kind.

Nie Mingjue’s handling of resentful energy is very different from Wei Wuxian’s straightforward interest and acceptance. NMJ has a traditional cultivator’s view of it, regarding it as evil and as something to resist, while he is literally carrying it on his back. He’s like a secret alcoholic who is preaching temperence, and can’t find a way to be reconciled with himself.

At this point of the story, Nie Mingjue is keeping it together, but is under a hell of a lot of stress, and Baxia’s blood thirst is already maybe a problem.

The Yunmeng bros think that Nie Huaisang’s fear of his brother is hilarious, because they don’t understand the situation. They think he’s just living in a hideously toxic family dynamic like theirs, when actually he’s in a loving, sorta healthy, if parentless, family that is being crushed under a generational curse.

Compliments for the Yunmeng Bros

I’m not the first meta poster to notice how happy Jiang Cheng is to be praised by Nie Mingjue.

He never gets this at home. Jiang Yanli praises him, but in that watery “you tried your best” way that doesn’t really stick. Nie Mingjue’s praise really means something, because he is a fearsome warrior and stern authority figure. And this is a double compliment, because Nie Mingjue says he heard it from Lan Xichen, and agrees with it.

Let’s Make Terrible Decisions

Keep Xue Yang alive, says Wei Wuxian, and Meng Yao immediately agrees, although I’m pretty sure he would have proposed that even if WWX hadn’t.

So they do, not realizing that “kill him later” is never a good plan for someone who 1. super needs killing 2. has a whole lot of death-dealing skills.

Future clan leader Jiang Cheng notices how smart and talented Meng Yao is. Xue Yang finds it hilarious when the trio praises Meng Yao, possibly because their evil team up is already underway.

Boss’ Bed Warmer Son of a Ho

The constant insults toward Meng Yao are about his mom, but there’s another level of leering implication, that Meng Yao seems to encourage in his conversation with the soon-to-be-murdered guard captain.

Nie Mingjue elevated him way above his expectations, and he is ridiculously pretty, which has to create rumors. In the Nightless City scenes when he’s fondling Baxia and telling Nie Mingjue’s family secrets there’s definitely a sense of intimacy that’s not just “loyal retainer.”

I feel like maybe this whole exchange is a bit of theater designed to show Xue Yang something without showing it to anyone else. Meng Yao didn’t need to have this conversation in front of his prisoner.

Let’s Do Exactly What We Said We Wouldn’t

Once the younger quartet are alone with Nie Mingjue, Wei Wuxian crosses the room away from his friends and practically into Lan Wangji’s pocket, if Lan Wangji had pockets.

He has no pockets and also has no personal bubble any more, when it comes to Wei Wuxian.

We could make a weapon out of Yin Iron, Wei Wuxian says, completely forgetting his entire conversation with Lan Yi, apparently. Lan Wangji doesn’t argue with this idea.

Nie Mingjue warns Wei Wuxian not to try it.

I stabbed a man in Qinghe just to watch him die

Nie Mingjue is like the Johnny Cash of the cultivation world, carrying the weight of his poor choices and trying to steer the young folk to the path of righteousness. But--like Johnny Cash--his bad choices have made him really fucking cool, so he isn’t very good at deterring anybody.

Meng Yao Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends

Immediately after Meng Yao’s fellow Nie clan people call him “son of a whore” again, Wei Wuxian meets him, is nice to him, addresses him by his military title, bows to him, asks why he’s away from the party, and thanks him for his service.

But Meng Yao has already decided to make friends with Xue Yang, so Wei Wuxian goes onto his list of people that he doesn’t give a crap about except if they can be useful to him. Then Meng Yao goes to make out hatch a plot with Xue Yang.

I’ll Sleep On Your Roof

Meeting SongXiao seems to have done away with the last of Lan Wangji’s resistance to his connection with Wei Wuxian.

He hears a noise on the roof and, when realizing it’s Wei Wuxian, he smiles one of his tiny reserved smiles before heading outside.

When he sees Wei Wuxian drunkenly sprawled on the roof, limbs akimbo, wine on his chin and neck, mouth full of poetry about the open road, Lan Wangji gives him the most fond look imaginable.

Then he reluctantly leaves, with his signature “say goodbye, but only when he can’t hear you” thing.

They’ve both come a really long way since their first meeting. Wei Wuxian is openly and vocally attaching himself to Lan Wangji...but is not actually entering his space or asking for anything from him; he just wants to be near him, and wants to let him know that. “I’ll sleep on your roof tonight.”

And Lan Wangji just...loves him. Wei Wuxian is drunk, embarrassing, demonstrative, eager to make a hell weapon out of yin iron, touchy feely, and absurdly sexy. And Lan Wangji is pretty okay with all of that.

I Might Have Been Drunk

Wei Wuxian carefully avoids telling Jiang Cheng where he was last night.

Even if he did get blackout drunk, he would have woken up on Lan Wangji’s roof. And I don’t think he was as drunk as that. He just knows Jiang Cheng wouldn’t like the truth.

Wen Fucking Chao, Again

Wen Chao shows up to be annoying and boring. This leads to a pretty good fight between Nie Mingjue and Wen Zhuliu. Note that when the chips are down, Nie Huaisang stands with his Gege without any cowering. Almost as if he had hidden reserves of bravery, and is not as helpless as he lets on.

Wen Zhuliu isn’t styled to be super hot, although he’s certainly compelling, and in Dance of the Phoenix he looks good with sensitive-guy hair wispies. I wonder what actor Feng Mingjing looks like out of character?

BRB, adding a tag to my follow list

Battle Bros

When the fighting breaks out, the Yunmeng brothers are decisive and united, with Wei Wuxian giving orders to Jiang Cheng and JC following without hesitation.

I feel like if these two could have gone through a few big battles together, instead of being separated during most of the Sunshot campaign, their whole relationship would have improved. On the battlefield, they respect, trust, and understand each other.

The Pointy End

Nie Mingjue is holding his own against Wen Zhuliu, but he gets distracted by Meng Yao hollering “Xue Yang has escaped” and then shanking the guard captain right in front of him.

Wen Zhuliu takes advantage of the distraction to aim a very slow stab at Nie Huasang, and Meng Yao jumps in front to get stabbed on his behalf.

When the Yunmeng bros show up to help NMJ, Wen Zhuliu immeiately yanks Wen Chao back behind him and points his sword at Wei Wuxian. He absolutely sees these two as a serious threat. Considering that eventually WWX is going to kill Wen Chao while JC kills Wen Zhuliu, this concern is not misplaced.

Wei Wuxian tells Wen Chao to stop being such a jerk, and Wen Chao menaces Wei Wuxian and gloats about the burning of cloud recesses. The burning, that is, of some part of cloud recesses that doesn’t include the library, the Jingshi, the main cultivation chamber, the rabbit warren, or Lan Qiren’s house, unless the Lan Clan is really really good at rebuilding things to very exact specifications.

In a rare moment of seeing Meng Yao’s internal thoughts, he is worried about Lan Xichen when he hears about cloud recesses.

The Yelling Part

Now we have the particularly nasty breakup between Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao. It’s...got some layers. Meng Yao is cowering on the floor, but is not apologizing.

He never apologizes throughout this encounter.

孟瑤無悔 - Meng Yao (has) no regrets

This scene is amazing and excruciating to watch, even more when you know what’s ahead.

What the Fuck is Meng Yao’s Plan

On one level this is Meng Yao, manipulative sociopath, setting up a cover story for his aiding and alliance with Xue Yang. On another, this is Meng Yao, loving subordinate, being tossed aside by his lord because he dared to stand up for himself.

He uses the same “scout’s honor” gesture we’ve seen Wei Wuxian use to swear he’s telling the truth. Wei Wuxian is always lying when he uses this gesture.

I’m...not sure exactly what Meng Yao’s plan is, with all these chess moves? By stabbing the captain in front of NHS, he created an opportunity to plant a cover story about Xue Yang’s escape. He might be hoping that Nie Mingjue will forgive him and keep him on, while Xue Yang can stay in his back pocket to be used later.

Dry eyes? Try Visene

Or he might be intending to get kicked out, given his non-apology. In any case, Nie Mingjue is weeping during this encounter, and Meng Yao...isn’t. He is signaling distress in his voice, expression, and body language, but his eyes are dry up until the last moment, and even then they just glisten a bit. In a show where every actor is an expert at crying on cue, that’s got to be a deliberate choice.

Which isn’t to say that Meng Yao is faking being full of emotion in this scene. It’s just that the emotion isn’t necessarily sorrow.

What Does Nie Mingjue’s Head Think

Flip the view and this is about Nie Mingjue being betrayed by a subordinate, who has turned out to be a self-serving murderer. And on another level it’s Nie Mingjue being betrayed by his lover, who was just using him for advancement.

I rewatched the later episode where we get the scene as Nie Mingjue’s head perceived it, and he’s particularly brokenhearted and disillusioned from his head’s POV. In that version there is a telling addition to the conversation.

Nie Mingjue asks about the guys who were roasting Meng Yao behind his back. He asks, if I hadn’t come, would you have murdered all of them?

Um. No, dude. Of course fucking not. That’s what a patriarchal authority does. That’s the way an angry Nie Mingjue/Baxia team might solve a problem.

Meng Yao has to use subterfuge to kill his enemies. And while he super hates being called “son of a whore” it’s absolutely not enough to make him kill someone, with the risk murder brings. Likewise, being treated well isn’t enough to make him spare someone. Nie Mingjue totally doesn’t get this, because he’s been the patriarch of this clan his entire adult life.

And Here’s the Actual Problem

There is a betrayal here, but Nie Mingjue is not simply a victim. Whether it’s a sexual relationship or a non-sexual bond of affection, there can be nothing solid in Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao’s relationship within a feudal society, because it is fundamentally unequal. Even if they love each other deeply - which I’m not convinced either of them does - every encounter they have is tainted with power dynamics.

Meng Yao has been elevated by Nie Mingjue and quite probably taken into his bed, as well as being told many family secrets, but has not been given a new surname (like, for example, Wen Zhuliu was) or independent power. More importantly, Nie Mingjue has not used his authority to remove or punish the many people who disrespect his subordinate. Lan Qiren would have had all of those gossipy fuckers kneeling in the snow, and Wen Ruohan would feed them to his mosh pit zombies.

Meng Yao is a murderous little snake, but he is right to be angry with Nie Mingjue about some things, and his pursuit of his own agenda is understandable.

Well, That Was a Slice

Meng Yao leaves, hurt, with a dignified bow; just as he did that one time when his dad kicked him down the Carp Tower steps.

Take note, both patriarchal authorities: that is his way of saying “I’m going to murder you one day.”

Nie Mingjue sits with his broken heart, as we realize that we’ve only spent 20 minutes with this guy and we’ve gone on an entire emotional journey with him. This episode packed in a LOT.

Soundtrack: Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Blues

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #wangxian #meng yao #nie mingjue #my gifs #canary3d-original #the untamed meta #the untamed gifs #restless rewatch the untamed

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yiling · 2 years

Text

I posted 235 times in 2021

32 posts created (14%)

203 posts reblogged (86%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 6.3 posts.

I added 229 tags in 2021

#xiao xingchen - 54 posts

#xue yang - 32 posts

#wei wuxian - 25 posts

#mine - 23 posts

#songxiao - 18 posts

#wangxian - 18 posts

#xuexiao - 16 posts

#lan zhan - 15 posts

#mdzs - 14 posts

#cql - 14 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#sexy times with wangxian...the sangcheng troll the xiyao troll...the tragedy of wangxian+fan...ao3 getting banned in china..................

My Top Posts in 2021

daozhang (affectionate)

xiao xingchen (derogatory)

197 notes • Posted 2021-02-04 01:06:27 GMT

you know what else is something? the fact that xiao xingchen’s affection was not enough to make xue yang better, but that losing him was enough to make xue yang worse

221 notes • Posted 2021-03-09 03:28:42 GMT

when we were watching cql with my friend, my sister said that “wen ning is like a golden retriever who is actually very powerful but can hold an egg in its mouth without breaking it” and we had to pause to tell her how accurate it was

300 notes • Posted 2021-03-11 03:34:11 GMT

quick hot take for the night: song lan is xue yang’s victim to a far greater extent than xiao xingchen is

417 notes • Posted 2021-02-06 03:13:35 GMT

What is the deal with 'Sexy Times with WangXian'??

ohhhhh man my guy, what isn’t the deal with sexy times with wangxian

it’s this fic, which as far as I can tell is your bog standard post-canon wangxian live in cloud recesses and have a lot of torrid sex fic. the extraordinary thing about it, which you will quickly notice if you click that link, is the amount of tags.

The additional tags alone (excluding pairings and character tags, which are also pretty bulky) are WELL OVER A THOUSAND WORDS (1,449 as of this writing, in fact). the tags by themself are longer than some fics. and this thing has been constantly, constantly at the top of the wangxian page, the MDZS page, and the CQL page, because it’s 269 chapters and the author wouldn’t stop updating it. (completed, it is over a million words.)

now, there are a lot of fics with big tagsets, although not this big, and they’re usually this type of fic - porny longrunners where the author feels the need to tag every individual sex act. but the tags on sexy times with wangxian are...beyond that. aside from what i can only assume are some fairly bizarre fetishes (”Penis Measuring”, “Talking Vagina”, “Heartbeat Kink”, “Blow Jobs With Teeth”), there’s a lot of very mundane stuff, thing you wouldn’t usually tag. other tags include: “Flowers”, “Campfires”, “Mangos”, “Pants”, and “Sleep.”

might the story include all these things? who knows, it’s 269 chapters of not-good porn, so I haven’t read it. but i feel like we can agree this is excessive.

it wasn’t always thus - as far as I can tell, there were originally way less (though still a lot) of tags, again, mostly sex acts. a couple people commented to say the size of the tags made browsing frustrating, some politely, some not so much. the author, someone by the handle of virtual1979, took umbrage with this, and eventually pulled the charming move of adding more and more tags out of pure spite, turning into a vicious cycle where the more tags got added, the more angry people commented, which made the author add more tags. this thing came to my attention when the author decided to put it in the songxuexiao tag. whether it actually contains that ship, i cannot say.

the story is complete, but the author may or may not still be adding tags. they have also apparently been on a comment deletion spree - there are screenshots of this thing drifting around with >500 comments, but as of this writing there are 71. i wish i’d archived it so you could see for yourself, but you’ll have to take my word for it. i suppose the author got tired of antagonizing their haters.

so, that’s what’s up with sexy times with wangxian. may it please fade into obscurity, so that i don’t have to scroll past it anymore

718 notes • Posted 2021-02-10 01:40:14 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #you can tell I pretty much stopped posting after a couple months #sorry guys I am employed

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words-writ-in-starlight · 4 years

Note

modern reincarnated song lan/xiao xingchen first meeting with both their memories back 👀

KIDS IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WROTE A FIC TO PROVE IT (I’mso sorry Les Mis fandom) BUT REINCARNATION FICS ARE STILL MY JAM and oh boy amI ever going to make it the Songxiao fandom’s problem. It’s also been a while since I postedsomething for that five headcanons meme, but I’m on lockdown and except for goingto the grocery store a week ago I literally haven’t left my apartment in goingon five weeks, so like, I’m officially still doing that meme. Not QUITE the prompt, but a cousin of theprompt, and it’s 3:18 AM so you’re not my boss.

ONE

Song Lan remembers the very first time he sees XiaoXingchen. Xingchen is eighteen, a yearolder than he was when they met before, wearing a white shirt and a messy bun, andSong Lan takes one look at him in a grocery store and almost knocks over adisplay of oranges. It’s—a lot to takein. Xingchen looks exactly like himself,like Song Lan remembers him from—from before. He’s talking with a store employee, a basket in one hand and the otherholding up an apple. He looks apologetic,with the mild smile that he always wore when he felt like he was imposing onsomeone’s time, and he’s saying something about being sorry, but please couldhe have some help choosing.

Song Lan’s ears are still ringing and his chest is still aching andhis hands are still shaking, but his voice is clear and steady when he hearshimself say, “I can give you a hand.”

Xingchen turns toward him, a startled look on his beautifulface, and Song Lan’s throat threatens to close up on him, because Xingchen’seyes are a clear light brown more familiar than anything in the world, and theydo not focus on him. He has a white canetucked into the corner of his arm—blind, still.

“I couldn’t impose,” Xingchen demurs immediately, and Song Lanshakes his head.

“It’s no imposition. I—I don’thave anywhere else to be.” Song Lan castsaround a little desperately for an excuse, a good reason for Xingchen to lethim help, let him stay under the light of that smile, and says, “I’m supposedto be studying for an exam and if I didn’t get out of the apartment I was goingto tear up my textbook. You’d be savingme three hundred and fifty dollars.”

Xingchen laughs, then, and Song Lan doesn’t know what hisface does, but the employee gives him a mildly pitying glance.

“Well, I suppose I had better, then,” Xingchen says, warm andamused. “I normally come with one of myroommates, but one of them is sick.” Heholds up the apple to Song Lan and says, “I’m Xiao Xingchen.”

I know,Song Lan almost says. He doesn’t. He takes the apple and says, “This one isbruised. I’m Song Lan.”

TWO

Xiao Xingchen, for his part, doesn’t remember for three weeks. It’s a piling up of little things that weardown the wall hiding the past, for him, but the last straw, the crack that bringsthe dam down, is nothing at all: his roommates are usually good about makingsure to keep all the silverware in their assigned places, so that Xingchen canfind them, but that day, one of them, a study-abroad student named Morgan,forgets, and he slices open his palm on a knife. She’s horrified and sorry and he has to talkher down from calling an ambulance, and she still insists on bandaging his handfor him, which he appreciates. It hurtsand pulls all evening, and when he goes to sleep, he has a terrible nightmare.

This is nothing new. XiaoXingchen has had terrible nightmares all his life. Sometimes he even sees in them, which hewould find academically interesting if it were happening to anyone else—all thecolors are right, every line detailed and familiar. He can’t read characters, but he knows theengravings on the swords.

It’s not a seeing dream that night. It’s a dream about darkness and lies anddying, and there’s blood drying sticky and hot on his hand and sleeve when he sobshimself awake, from where his hand is clenched into such a tight fist that itseeped through the bandages. His handfeels like someone’s laid a match to the cut, and he has a headache likenothing he’s ever felt, a bone-deep spike of pain behind his eyes, and he needs—

His hands shake as he grabs his phone and manages to pull upSong Lan’s number.

THREE

Song Lan has the gift of waking up to a vibrating phone—which isto say, he worked in retail for three years before he got into teaching school,and still has anxiety about it. Thephone is already at his ear and he’s saying “This is Song Lan” before he’s evenawake.

“Zichen?”

“Xingchen?” Song Lan issitting up and doesn’t really remember how that happened, and he’s staringwide-eyed at his desk through the dim city-twilight creeping around his darkcurtains, and Xingchen’s voice sounds ravaged on the other end of theline. “What’s wrong?”

“I—please, Zichen, I—”

“Are you hurt?” Song Lan demands, and he’s already on his feet,the phone pinned between his cheek and his shoulder as he grabs whateverclothes are near at hand.

“No,” Xingchen says faintly. “Wait—yes. My hands—no. Just my right hand.” He makes a noise that sounds like it might,theoretically, be a laugh, if he stopped crying. “I cut it on a knife, Zichen.”

Song Lan thinks about the world-ending feeling of remembering XiaoXingchen, and tries not to love the sound of Xingchen’s voice saying Zichenagain, and that moment, when he’s already dragging on socks with his keys inhis hand, is when he finally, finally catches up.

He stops cold, one shoe on. “Xingchen—do you remember me?”

“Yes,” Xingchen whispers. “I remember everything.”

Song Lan shuts his eyes for a moment and really, really hatesXue Yang. “I’m coming over.”

FOUR

Xingchen’s roommates are not going to appreciate him having his “weirdfriend with the scary face” show up at three in the morning and waking them upby knocking on the door, but on the other hand, Xingchen knows he probablylooks…bad. He knows he has blood leakingfrom his hand, and he can feel that the cut is probably worse than he thought,and he can hear one of them make an alarmed sound as he wavers on his feet inhis bedroom door, but then Song Lan stops knocking politely and startshammering on the door with the side of his fist. Xingchen makes a helpless gesture with his bleedinghand, and hears someone fumble the lock open and immediately scramble back toget out of the way. They’re scared ofSong Lan for some reason.

Xingchen can’t imagine being scared of Song Lan.

“Xingchen,” Song Lan says, Zichen says, and Xiao Xingchenknows, like he knows his own name, that Song Lan doesn’t like to be touched,but he can’t stop himself from reaching out. He stops when he can feel the warmth of a body beyond his fingertips anddoesn’t go any further.

“Zichen.”

Song Lan’s hand closes around his bare wrist without hesitation,and he forces Xingchen’s hand palm up, and says, “You’re bleeding.”

“Yes,” Xingchen says, starting to laugh. He’s not sure why he’s laughing. He thinks he might still be crying. But Song Lan is here, touching Xingchen inthe measured, intentional way he always did, and it seems obscurely hilariousthat he expects Xingchen to care about something as petty as bleeding. “Yes, I am.”

“All right,” Song Lan says softly, like he’s answering aquestion that hasn’t been asked. “Comeon, Xingchen. Let’s get a look at yourhand.”

Xingchen hates to be led around by the hand, like a child, buthe goes easily when Song Lan pulls him toward the bathroom. Song Lan lets him rest his head against SongLan’s hip, while those familiar hands dab blood from his skin and peel away thesoaked bandages, and Xingchen listens to Zichen’s low voice, and tries tobreathe.

FIVE

So, Song Lan isn’t going to class tomorrow. He send the emails from the emergency roomwaiting area, on his phone, with Xingchen sitting beside him and holding asmall pile of gauze to his palm. Xingchenhas been quiet since Song Lan announced that they were going to the hospital,but he went without a fight, admitted that the laceration was worse than it hadbeen before—from the clench of his fist in his nightmare, apparently. His hair is tied back into a braid that curlsover his shoulder, and he forgot his cane, and Song Lan washed the smearedblood from his face and didn’t throw up at the memory of watching Xue Yang dothe same, and—

“I missed you,” Song Lan says quietly, and Xingchen turns towardhim. All at once, all the things thatSong Lan planned and imagined and dreamed of saying are piled up behind histeeth, trying to force their way out in a rush. “I’m—so sorry, Xingchen. Everything—it was all my fault, I was so cruel to you.”

“Zichen,” Xingchen says, and he sounds so tired. His head tips toward Song Lan’s shoulder, buthe stops, just like he did before, just like he always has, a little distancefrom touching. Xingchen always lets SongLan be the one to close that last gap, always lets him choose how and when andwhere he’s willing to be touched. Hedidn’t need it explained to him when they first met and doesn’t need it thistime. Song Lan has missed him so much.

“I’m not—I never had your gift with words,” Song Lan goes on, somefeeling rising in his chest that he can’t name, something nearly frantic,because he’s not Xingchen, has never been Xingchen, has never had the rightwords at the right time even when he needed them most desperately. He wrote so many versions of thisconversation in his head, before, that he can’t pick one now. “But I—I am so sorry, Xingchen. I should have done better by you, I was—I wasthoughtless, and you suffered for it--”

“Zichen,” Xingchen says again, weary, and Song Lan shuts up. “I only regretted being blind when it killedyou,” he says, in a low murmur. “When itkilled all those—and that—that was not your fault.”

“But—”

“Enough,” Xingchen says. “You’reforgiven. You were always forgiven,Zichen.” He smiles a little. “Besides, I should be the one apologizing.”

“I won’t listen,” Song Lan says, trying for humor. He never did have the talent for being funnywhen he meant to be, but Xingchen smiles a little more.

“I missed you too. Allthe time.”

Song Lan thinks briefly about kissing him. Maybe later. Instead he reaches up and tips Xingchen’s head onto his shoulder, andsays, “Keep pressure on your hand.”

“It’s not bleeding anymore.”

“Good. Keep pressure onit.”

AndXingchen laughs, with his cheek resting on Song Lan’s shoulder, and Song Lansmiles a little himself.

#the untamed #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #songxiao #xiao xingchen #song lan #starlight writes stuff #headcanon meme #ask meme #i should apparently start doing what sarah yyy does and tag for sadness level according to the girlfriend #mild to medium angst #I THINK YOU MEANT THIS TO BE...KIND AND SWEET #IT'S STILL KIND! but like mild to medium angst without a doubt #this is also verging on being a whole fic rather than headcanons but are any of us really surprised #sl is a few years older than xxc again and he's in grad school for a degree in education #xxc is in his first year of post-secondary something #he has kind of a whole existential crisis about it after getting his memories back #but it turns out okay all things considered #a qing is one of the students song lan teaches the next year and she sees him the first day and shrieks 'daozhang' and throws herself at hi #song lan heroically doesn't drop her in a panic but he does later ask her not to grab him because he doesn't like to be touched #xxc on the other hand loves a hug! and by god a qing wants to give him one!#i have no idea how xue yang figures into this if at all #i just wanted sl and xxc to sit quietly in an er waiting room and talk about missing each other #xiao xingchen kisses him the next day by the way #he reaches out and stops with his hand three inches from song lan's face and says 'may i'#and song lan forces his hand down and brings his left (uninjured) hand up instead and puts xxc's palm to his cheek #and xxc is laughing when he kisses him #a queue we will keep and our honor someday avenge #insert-cleverurl #asked and answered

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carolyncaves · 4 years

Text

It’s Day 6: Breeze and apparently we’re feeling Baoshan Sanren in this chili’s tonight.

727 words, Baoshan Sanren, Songxiao. Post-CQL.

It was said Baoshan Sanren was older than the mountains.

This was obviously not true. The mountains were older than anything that lived, and Baoshan Sanren was not an immortal. She was not born one, anyway, and when her last day came, she would not die one either. This long period in between was admittedly rare, even among cultivators, but she had no grand illusions about her nature. Baoshan Sanren was human, so her fate was sealed.

Atop the celestial mountain it was distant, though. Baoshan Sanren had made her home in a sacred place, and she had cultivated it well. It was a place outside the world, where many things were possible. She lived there for a very long time, gathered disciples, and grew still and wise. She did not know what would make her change.

It was Cangse who planted the first seed. It was Xingchen who watered it. It was, strangely, neither and both of them who cast the light that saw it bloom.

A fierce corpse named Song Lan appeared at the threshold, and he held a silk pouch in his hands.

She went down to meet him personally. “You were told when you left you would not be permitted to enter again in this life,” she called out to him. “Neither of you." But even then, she could see that neither of them had the life they'd left with. She admitted Song Lan and his cargo to the celestial mountain.

It was a ripple in a still pond.

Song Lan could not speak aloud, but Baoshan Sanren had a mirror that reflected pure thoughts, so with it she could hear his story. He revealed himself to her, uncaring whether he himself might be judged and found wanting. He showed her longing, and treachery, and despair. He showed her regret. He showed her the deeds of a fierce and free cultivator, the child of the fierce and free Cangse Sanren. He showed her the splintered remains of the soul of Xingchen, her good and gentle disciple.

He asked her to help him.

“There is little enough left of either of you to work with,” she said.

Please, he said. I will give whatever I have left. I love him, she heard beneath it.

That was the moment Baoshan Sanren knew her time on the mountain was finished.

She knew love. She had loved friends and lost them before coming here; she loved her disciples now and grieved them when they left. But she had failed to understand that Song Lan would love that bag of scattered stardust more than his own half-life without him telling her. So she would go down from the mountain, and she would not return.

Rules were rules, after all. She was bound by them, too, no matter her intellect or her power. An old friend had taught her that lesson, with her words and the terrible consequences of her actions.

First she helped them, as best she could. Song Lan was a corpse with no life, and Xiao Xingchen was a spattering of spiritual energy where a consciousness had once been, but Baoshan Sanren was powerful and old and wise, and the celestial mountain was a place outside the world where many things were possible. They would never be able to leave, but there was a lot to recommend the life they would have there. It was one of peace. They would be able to put their hands in one another's, and they would have all the time they wanted for it.

Someday it would be said that Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, who guarded and inherited Baoshan Sanren's celestial temple, were older than the mountains.

Perhaps it was because of her old friend that Baoshan Sanren's legs carried her where they did. By the time she arrived, she had new callouses on the soles of her feet. Her mind was dazed by new words made for different times. A new and incongruous laughter, the sound of a soul that was bright despite every odd, reached her ears on the mist-damp breeze.

When Baoshan Sanren looked upon the gates of Cloud Recesses for the first time in centuries, she did it with fresh eyes.

(Lan Wangji had not known it was possible for Wei Ying to be speechless. Characteristically, it was Baoshan Sanren who accomplished that miracle.)

#untamed spring fest #the untamed #mdzs #baoshan sanren #songxiao #confession: i started writing this thinking the prompt was 'fresh' if that gives you any hint as to the state of my brain #bc of course 'fresh' was yesterday's prompt #but by the time i realized i'd already written the last line and liked it a lot #so i weaseled 'breeze' in right there before it #let's just say it's two for one on the theme words today #my fic #bssr

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pawsnread · 4 years

Text

Moments

A happy little SongXiao family on a shopping trip.

A Where We Come Alive ficlet inspired by Machiko-san’s fanart.

Starting a family meant life was busy busy busy. Each day was a blur of motion, both figuratively and literally. There was an almost constant feeling of tiredness, and sometimes the wish that things could go back to slower and simpler days. But there were the joyful moments too. Sometimes they were big moments that left lasting memories, and other times they were just simple, everyday occurrences. It was that latter that Xiao Xingchen savored the most, and the ones that made all the hardships worth it.

“You really didn’t have to come, Zichen,” Xingchen said as he reached for an empty shopping cart. “I know you’re tired. You could have stayed home and rested.”

“It’s fine,” Song Lan replied. Shifting his hold on A-Qing, he tucked her close against his chest before taking hold of the cart after Xingchen cleaned the handlebar with a sanitizing wipe. “I’ve hardly seen the two of you all day, so I wanted this time together.” A-Qing clung to his jacket as Song Lan easily maneuvered the cart, keeping pace with Xingchen as they started moving up and down the grocery aisles. A smile tugged at his lips as Xingchen paused to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Take some rest when we get home. I’ll make dinner.”

“As you wish.”

Their conversation swung to the more mundane as they began their shopping - the current price of radishes, what size milk they should buy, whether they had enough eggs left at home or if they should purchase more. They briefly separated to complete more of their shopping; as Xingchen returned with chicken in hand for a stew, he couldn’t help the smile that formed as he watched Song Lan and A-Qing quietly converse in front of the cereal aisle.

“Which one do you want?” Song Lan asked.

“That one,” A-Qing answered, pointing at a brightly colored box with a cartoon character on the front.

Song Lan leaned in to examine the choice, a small frown forming as he skimmed the food label. “Are you sure? This one has a lot of sugar.”

“Please?” Even at the tender age of two, A-Qing had learned how to turn on the charm. She stared up at him with wide eyes, a look of hope within their depths.

“Tell you what? We’ll get you that pudding you like if you choose that one.” Song Lan pointed to another cereal selection that was less brightly colored and sported a smiling honeybee.

Xingchen pressed a hand to his lips in an attempt to contain his laughter as a staring contest ensued. A-Qing was a stubborn one, but Song Lan was the adult and had patience on his side. Plus, the prospect of her favorite chocolate pudding was apparently enough to change A-Qing’s mind about cereal choices.

“Okay,” she finally consented.

“Good girl,” Song Lan murmured as he dropped a kiss to her head. A moment later, a smirk appeared before he began to tickle her mercilessly. Delighted giggles filled the air, bringing a warmth that spread within Xingchen’s chest to hear the sound. “Now, where did your Papa go?”

Taking that as his cue, Xingchen approached, depositing the items he had collected into the cart. He dropped another kiss to A-Qing’s head before pressing one to the corner of Song Lan’s lips. To any bystander, it was a chaste, innocent gesture. But for Xingchen, the simple kiss conveyed so much more.

“Xingchen…”

“Hm?”

For a moment, Song Lan simply stared at him. A slow smile formed before he leaned in, lips whispering a kiss across Xingchen’s temple, an unspoken response to Xingchen’s unspoken affection.

“Where to next?” Song Lan asked as he maneuvered the shopping cart onto the next aisle.

“Pudding!” A-Qing announced, tugging at his jacket collar. “Daddy promised pudding!”

Xingchen didn’t try to contain his laughter this time as he followed the two of them. It was moments like this that held the closest in his heart, the moments that he shared with the two people he loved. These were the moments he wanted to remember in the bad times, when life became too much, the everyday moments that he could carry with him to the end of his days.

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grapefruitsketches · 4 years

Text

I’ve Been Waiting On You

Rated G, 2,560 Words. Songxiao, Modern AU - Coffee Shop/Cafe, Fluff, First Meetings/Meet-Cute, POV Song Lan (Wen Qing, A-Qing, and - briefly - Wen Ning are here too!)

My third (and likely final!) fill for the Songxiao Reverse Itty Bitty Bang 2020

Inspired by @transgirlsqx’s art on twitter at transgirlsqx/status/1305923577707806720?s=21 (link in reblog to make sure this shows up in the tags; please do yourself the favour of taking a look - the expressions are priceless!)

Event hosted by @touchmycoat

Also for fytheuntamed’s Untamed Fall Fest Day 7: Reunion

Also Available on AO3 (See link in reblog)

He was back again.

He was back, and he had a high schooler with him this time.

How did having a high schooler with him not make him any less…

“-chen! Song Lan! Hello?” Wen Qing’s voice drew him back to the present.

“Mmn?” He said, looking around to his manager, her arms were crossed as she flipped one wrist out to point to the table he was supposed to be serving. Wen Qing ran a tight operation, but her smirk betrayed her: she was not angry. Song Lan would not get off so easy. Instead, she was amused.

He would hear about this again later.

The tips of ears burned, even as he couldn’t help stealing one more glance the man’s way.

He was leaning in close to the laptop, squinting at something. The teen frowned peering similarly at the screen. Then the man said something and the girl’s eyes and mouth widened. She nodded eagerly and began typing rapidly. The man chuckled and leaned back in his seat, smiling approvingly. Song Lan watched him breathe deep and look up from the table. Song Lan gulped and couldn’t help but grin at the kind, smiling eyes behind the thick-paned glasses.

Too late, Song Lan’s mind caught up with reality.

If he could see the man’s eyes then the man could see…

Song Lan’s chest tightened and his breath caught in his throat. He turned his face quickly away and hurried towards the table patiently awaiting the coffees and tea on his tray. He felt his cheeks redden, but he kept his focus on the customers and tried to ignore Wen Qing’s unconcealed chuckling from behind the counter as he said, far too rapid and breathless for the short walk he’d taken, “Sorry-for-the-wait-here-is-the-latte-the-green-tea-and-the-wulang.” He nodded and retreated quickly back to the counter.

He wondered if there was a professional way to sink to the floor and hide until an entirely new batch of customers had rotated into the shop. Not seeing one, he settled for grabbing a bag of coffee beans and slowly running them through the grinder, one of the few tasks he could do when there were no orders to work on that would require turning his back to the café.

“So… should I give you his table, or would that be tantamount to manslaughter?”

“Are you offering to serve him instead?” Song Lan replied skeptically. They both knew that Song Lan was the only server in the small café right then, Wen Ning busy with a stream of people grabbing last minute sandwiches to go before whatever mid-afternoon meeting they were going to, Wen Qing usually keeping herself free to answer a phone call, keep the store well-stocked, address a customer complaint, or to have a discussion anyone who thought that just because Wen Ning was too polite to call out a customer when they deserved it, no one would.

She shrugged, “Maybe. It would really be a pain to have to hire someone else. And what kind of press would that bring us? We just reopened, we can’t afford to have anyone think I’m working my staff to death. Not yet at least.”

But Song Lan still lingered, eyes darting towards the table then back to Wen Qing.

“Come on,” she said, “You had a-Ning serve him last time and Zizhen seemed perfectly capable the time before that. I’m sure he can’t be that scary, no matter what he said to you the one time you served him.”

“You know it’s not—" she raised her eyebrows at his protests, daring him to explain what it was, “Fine,” he said, finally. He took a deep breath, pulled his shoulders back in a vague attempt to seem put together, readied his pen and notepad, and turned towards the table.

Where only the teenager sat, typing fiercely at her keyboard.

He breathed out. This, he could deal with.

He made his way to the table.

“Welcome to Sleepless Café. May I take your order?”

The keys didn’t stop clicking as the teen grumbled, “Took you long enough. I’ll take a mocha, and I guess a white tea for my tutor because he’s boring like that.”

“Your tutor.” Song Lan repeated, replaying the earlier interaction he’d observed which had somehow become even more endearing.

“Yes? My tutor. Sort of also my brother if you really want to know. Is there something wrong with—“ apparently Song Lan’s dumbfounded repetition had finally been what made her look up from her computer screen, “Oh.” And to Song Lan’s absolute horror, a mischievous, gleeful grin that would give even Zizhen a run for his money lit up her face. She leaned a cheek in her hand, “It’s you,” she said, tilting her head to the side, “So, was there something you wanted to say to my brother, or do you just stare at every person who walks in here like that? Because if you do,” she said, matter-of-factly, “That is both creepy and bad for business.”

“I—“ Maybe Wen Qing was right and the girl’s tutor wouldn’t have been scary, but the student herself absolutely was. “I’m sorry I just—“

“He’ll forgive you, you know. Probably doesn’t even think anything of it, to be honest. Maybe didn’t even notice. Wants you to talk to him actually.” Her speech became more blunt as she returned to peering at her screen, which, now that Song Lan looked at it, was zoomed in to something like 150% percent.

What she said sunk in slowly, though, “What, really?” Song Lan felt a little pinprick of hope light up in his chest.

“Mmmhmm. I’d be willing to bet it’s the reason he keeps coming here.” She looked up at him, “It’s very far from where we live.” She smirked as she revealed this.

“What—“ Song Lan was trying to figure out how to ask just how far without seeming like he was trying to figure out where they lived or something, already apparently one strike in on the “creepy” scale, but his voice involuntarily cut off as he approached again.

“Sorry a-Qing, there was a bit of a wait…” he sat back down and his eyes swiveled around slowly, landing on Song Lan. He frowned and looked slowly upwards, pupils moving back and forth a couple of times before, “Ah! Sorry. It sometimes takes me a moment to…” he shook his head quickly, “Hi,” he said, and… was that a faint bit of pink Song Lan saw on his cheeks?

Song Lan found himself completely speechless. Luckily (or unluckily) the girl, a-Qing, apparently, was there and ready to fill the silence. “I already ordered. Mocha for me. White tea for you. Is there anything else you’d like to order, gege?” She ended in a childish, playful singsong, a significant switch from the dry tone she had taken with Song Lan.

“A-Qing… so much caffeine and sugar so late in the day…” the man shook his head, but smiled affectionately, chastising, but not stepping in to overrule her order, “I’m sorry, was she pestering you at all?”

Yes. “No,” Song Lan said quickly.

The man smiled, “That’s good to hear,” he sighed.

“Sorry for lingering so long,” Song Lan said, suddenly feeling very awkward and aware of just how long he’d been standing there, long after the simple order had been neatly noted on the notepad, “I’ll leave you two to—“

“Wait.” The man said, and Song Lan froze. The man took a deep breath, and Song Lan couldn’t help but let his eyes be drawn to his lips, before the man spoke, “I’ll… I’ll kick myself later if I don’t ask but… We’ve spoken before, right?”

Song Lan blinked, “Uh…”

They had. They absolutely had. And Song Lan absolutely knew this. It had been a couple months ago, and Song Lan had assumed the other man had completely forgotten it.

“Sorry… I know you probably get a lot of customers here, don’t worry about it…”

“No… no I do remember!” Song Lan answered, “I just… I assumed you wouldn’t remember.”

Something about that must have struck the other man as hilarious, and he hid his mouth behind a closed fist as he giggled. A-Qing made a show of tossing her head back, groaning, and placing a set of headphones firmly over her ears. But she was smiling.

“Sorry,” the man said, wiping the beginnings of tears out of his eyes, “So. I hope school is still going well?”

It was an abrupt transition, but a welcome one.

Their one and only previous conversation had been short — Song Lan had said that he thought the other man’s earrings had looked cool, purportedly as part of his usual customer service approach, but the light stutter that interrupted his usual cool tone betrayed him. The other man hadn’t seemed to notice or mind, but had thanked him and asked how Song Lan liked working at the café.

For some reason, though he usually tried to get in and out of exchanges with customers as quickly as possible, Song Lan had found himself telling the man that he did like it. He explained that he expected it would only be for now, as he put himself through law school, that he was lucky he had old friends who managed this place, who were willing to work flexibly around his school schedule. The other man had thought that that was amazing, seeming embarrassed to admit that his mothers had almost insisted they pay for his own schooling, to let him focus exclusively on his studies. Song Lan had found out that he studied computer sciences, with a focus on accessible technology.

And then a customer had dropped a cup, and by the time Song Lan was done dealing with that, the man had been gone, only the empty teacup, a generous tip, and a “Thanks J” scrawled on the receipt to confirm that Song Lan hadn’t imagined him.

Song Lan was still reeling from the man’s admission that he remembered the conversation at all. Song Lan had thought was only a strange personal fixation of his own. But he was finding it hard to handle the knowledge that the other man not only remembered, but remembered in this kind of detail. Remembered that he was in school, and as they continued to talk now, remembered things Song Lan had forgotten he’d even said.

“It seems like a pretty nice team here. It’s nice to finally see the manager’s brother here… you mentioned him last time, but he’s never been here when I’ve visited,” the man smiled, “But you mentioned before he usually only works afternoon shifts? I guess that was my fault then…”

At some point in the conversation, Song Lan felt the notepad and pen he was holding slowly leave his hands. He blinked and turned his head, to see Wen Qing give him a small wink and look at the page now in her hand, getting to work on the teas these two customers had ordered a long while ago now.

“So is…a-Qing also studying computer science?”

“Yes!” the other man seemed similarly surprised that Song Lan had remembered this detail, “She ended up getting a co-op job at the same place I’ve been interning at. She’s got the same kind of accessibility needs as me,” he waved vaguely at his own eyes, “So she’s been a great second set of hands on this project.”

The sound of a scraping chair. A bump of metal against the back of his legs. Wen Qing clearly was giving him permission to, no, insisting he sit down.

He sat, shuffling the chair forward, and soon she was back, a mocha, a white tea, and a green tea — Song Lan’s standard order — in hand. She set them down, patted Song Lan on the shoulder and walked away.

“Oh am I keeping you from…?” the man’s eyes widened as he watched Wen Qing walk away.

Song Lan chuckled, “No. That was her telling me I’m on a break for now.”

The other man puffed out an appreciative breath of laughter, “Like I said, this seems like a nice team to work with.”

Song Lan nodded, and gently lifted the cup of tea to his lips.

They sat in silence for a while, the whole situation bizarre. Song Lan was rarely so social, and never so impromptu about it. But it still felt right. Peaceful. Like this is something they hadn’t planned to do, but had always expected, somehow. Song Lan kept his eyes mostly to his tea, but each time he chanced a glance up, he caught the other man’s smiling eye and had to look back at his tea as he felt his face flush.

The sound of a laptop snapping shut was what finally shook him out of the gentle trance.

“Time to go, Xingchen-ge.” She looked to Song Lan (whose only thought at that moment was now His name is Xingchen. His name is Xingchen on loop), “We’ll see you again. And…” she picked up the phone lying face down on the table, the one with the frost-covered case lying closer to her brother, not the green one featuring what was obviously some pop culture reference Song Lan didn’t understand pasted all over the back. She tapped at the screen quickly, unlocking it before turning it to Song Lan, “Name and number, please.”

“A-Qing—!” the man exclaimed, and Song Lan was charmed, and a bit relieved, by the faint pink tinting the other man’s ears. But he still wasn’t sure whether he should take the phone being forcefully shoved into his hand.

He turned to the man — to Xingchen — and asked, “Do you… want me to?”

Xingchen’s eager, if still subdued, still gentle, nods were all he needed to see. He entered his contact information quickly, only having to backspace a few times to account for the typos he kept making.

“Thank you, Song Lan,” Xingchen said, smiling a smile that Song Lan couldn’t peel his eyes away from as he took the phone back.

“Ah, you can call me Zichen, that’s what my family calls me,” Song Lan said before he really thought about it, before he could consider whether it might be too forward to ask Xingchen to call him by a name even the Wens didn’t yet use for him. But Xingchen didn’t know that, and only smiled more widely.

“Then thank you, Zichen,” Xingchen said. And any doubt Song Lan had had washed away — that name just sounded so right coming from this man, “I hope we’ll meet again soon?”

“Yes. Definitely.” Song Lan nodded eagerly.

The two left together, a-Qing saying something inaudible that was making Xingchen giggle. Song Lan watched as he tapped her affectionately on the nose, the perfect image of an older brother.

He sighed, but soon felt a wet rag dumped into his hands and was forced to tear his eyes away from the now empty store front, “You’re on cleaning duty,” Wen Qing said, smirking, “You absolutely owe me.”

Song Lan nodded, taking the rag and proceeding to wipe down the tables, still half in a daze.

He went over to deal with the counters, where Wen Ning, enjoying a brief pause from the busy hours, asked, “So, do you think you’ll see him again?”

“I certainly hope so,” was Song Lan’s simple reply.

#sxreverseibb #untamed fall fest #songxiao #song lan #xiao xingchen #a qing #wen qing #cql #the untamed #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #my writing

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