feeling mentally ill over ani and obi tonight. listening 2 the playlist i made for them and just. screams and cries and throws up etc

specifically forest fire by brighton is making me want to bite my laptop thinking about ani tbh. like. the whole song !!!!!

song analysis / ramble below bc a girly can't shut the frick up !

okay i wasn't going to ramble idiotically, but this is my blog and i'll be mentally ill on the mentally ill about fictional characters webbed site.

the first verse is literally ani as a child having nightmares / visions of his future ("when you were young / you used to dream about fires") during his first few months / year at the temple. while obi was more distant during that time bc of his grief, i was the one who would shower him in affection out of my own.

he'd often come to me at night. sneaking out of his quarters because he just... couldn't sleep. the temple was different and cold and he missed his mom and he was struggling to adjust. i'd let him vent and talk and comfort / offer advice as needed before getting him to sleep, but even so, he'd still have nightmares. ("and scream into the night / to find me standing barefoot at your side")

("i used to whisper "it will be alright" / and lay down at your side / and take your tiny hands into mine") i'd lay with him when he had those nightmares, soothing and comforting him, until he'd drift back to sleep again... usually with his head on my chest. this only lasted upwards of that first year until he was starting to learn more "appropriate" ways to cope / began to adjust to life as a Padawan.

then the chorus : ("and how was i to know / that i'm not strong? / i should have saved you") is the guilt and sorrow and grief over not having preventing his fall to the dark side that i felt. maybe if i had been stronger, a better sister, a more competent friend... anything, really, it wouldn't have happened. ("and oh / i hope you know / that you're my home / but now i'm lost / so lost)

the second verse is... well, the aftermath of his fall. ("i keep imagining those flames that did rise / and blackened up the sky / the light that showed you barefoot in the snow"). i'm left imagining his pain, his sorrow, his anger, that led him down this path. how i didn't do enough. ("and then the fire started building up inside / exploding blinding lights")

("now i'm the one left screaming through the night") the irony, of being the one who'd dry his tears and comfort his nightmares... only to be left coping with my own all alone. everyone i knew as far as i was aware were dead and gone. i didn't even know that obi was alive.

the bridge is where im determined to fix things, to make them right. whether it's bringing him home or through helping the Rebels. it's where i turn my guilt and shame and pain, hiding it, into action. ("i'm going to carry your bones / i'm going to carry them all / i'm going to carry you home")

with that, i keep the legacy of what you were and could have been alive. my brother, my friend, my home. i do what i know that ani would have wanted, not vader. ("and oh, i'm gonna bury these bones / and write it in stone / that you were my home / my home")

... and try to swallow back the guilt like bile. to try and slowly forget what life was like, and to forge this new one as best as possible. ("forget about it")

Love the thought of Leo just casually being well traveled to absurd degrees. Like one day they’re facing their new Big Bad of the year and like, Draxum or whoever says that the key to their fight is located somewhere in, like, Latvia or some place, but no one knows where to start.

Then Leo’s like “oh I know a place” and when asked how the heck he could know of one it smash cuts to Leo falling through the ceiling of said place due to a portal mishap.

Also love the idea of Leo, being as accidentally (and then later, purposefully) well traveled as he is, sometimes taking his family on outings to different places all over, maybe to some new Yokai spots he found along the way.

In these places, Leo 100% lets his bros get scammed by tourist traps.

"Mind if I make a little music?" Drift asked, holding out a hand for Ratchet to pass him the synthboard.

"Not at all," Ratchet said, offering it up by the strap.

Drift spun it above his head, hands dancing over the board and making a truly awful sounding ruckus out of the speakers. His optics were locked on something behind Ratchet. He took the clue and ducked his head to Drift's chest so that Drift could swing. The speakers screeched and a body fell back."

~

Unfortunately I can’t kiss the author of this fic, so I decided to do the next closest thing and drew this instead haha

it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

Hm... I'm feeling benevolent...

sorry sometimes i think about mako and my heart hurts so much. this kid raised himself and his brother on the streets in homelessness and utter poverty from eight through fifteen, promptly after seeing the violent death of his mother and father. he turned to the triple threats because they couldn't survive as a pair of wretched kids without any adult support, and the environment forced him to turn into the exact character that killed his parents in a terrible twist of irony. and after sheer-fucking-luck hits and they aren't homeless anymore, their livelihood wavers on the outcome of what's a literally game to everyone but them; and after things are finally starting to look up and their team is going places and things just might be okay, his gradually stabilizing world unceremoniously expands and everything goes to shit.

and the city that chewed him up and spat him back out, ruined him as a child and took away his ability to stay afloat in a true sense of normalcy as an adult — when it's on the verge of destruction and falling to pieces before his eyes, he gives himself to save it with the full expectation to die. he went from the kid who didn't and couldn't care about anything outside of himself and his brother, to finding redemption for his younger self in his police work despite its injustice against him, to willingly sacrificing himself to a world that had never loved him.

he's a desperate people pleaser, socially and emotionally stunted for the adult he had to be as a kid, unable to navigate interpersonal relationships easily yet still trying his damned hardest. he's intensely and entirely devoted to the things that matter to him and for so long it was only him, bolin, and ensuring their survival — yet by the end, that devotion has expanded to protecting the rest of the world. he starts out entirely self-reliant and ends in trusting the people he cares about to know their own needs, to be able to take care of themselves, to be okay without him despite having spent so much of his life defined by his role in others' well-being.

just. what the fuck i'm such a big fan of this fictional guy and i'm unashamed about it at this point. also let him cry please (if you won't i'll do it i'll let him cry)

Mandy… we must discuss max/oscar… what is the lore… what are the notes…. Im clocked in ma’am im ready to be deluded — wiz

ok so i called myself the unofficial head of this ship (lol) but actually looking through the tumblr tag i must denounce myself and crown @nyoomfruits instead bc she has been on it from day 1

max and oscar are just so similar i think they get each other!! they're both very down to earth and very focussed on the job. both of them hailed as extraordinary in lower formulas and quickly making their way up (ofc max's was very quick and oscar had his year out, but still all things considered). i feel like a lot of it is max being surprised about oscar, i dont think he expected that deadpan energy/serious but enjoying it/quick wit from him and now hes like oh i see, i get it. maybe also helps how much lando gets along with oscar and max obvs likes lando. trusts his opinion.

max praising oscar when he hardly ever praises anyone like this

oscar looking up at max with awe and eagerness (its a still from a video but let me have this)

this tho!!! max never sits on the floor but sees oscar doing it so joins him?! for no reason?! lando was in the chair it wouldve been so easy to sit next to him (as he then does later) "thank you mercedes" and then max's fond laugh and almost surprise. surprise that oscar can be witty like that!! max didnt expect it oscar turning around to watch the screen and being too late. max laughing at him, checking to see if lando is laughing too. if it isnt weird that max is laughing at oscar's joke/misfortune. max then doubling down and voicing what happened as if they didnt all just witness it right there.

like i said on the oscar discord too, i think oscar would indulge max's maxplaining!! he enables it and is like "Huh, I never thought about it like that. Have you considered that [x]" and then suddenly its 11pm and everyone else has left the paddock before they even look up from their convo

and

they would absolutely bicker over Everything but neither would really perceive it as bickering. thats just how they are

also they both have cat energy so

"The morning lit his bedroom with tepid lilacs. Wherever light could reach, there were bulging cabinet handles, sallow sheets, flattened carpets; where it couldn’t, there was nothing at all. The pale spots of life, surrounded by pitch-black pits and corners, looked like a poorly printed photograph."

fanart for @cleveradjacent's fic "This Weapon Wants"! :^]

Moodboard for Jinnah Beatty (they/she), lead singer of ethereal wave band Mayday Malady.

@infamous-if

Playlist

The recent influx of “Jason is obviously a bad person. Look at how many people he’s killed” posts is 2x more idiotic because it runs on the same premise as “Jason is a cop symbol”. There’s an infinitely more famous example right next to him that people ignore entirely.

In the real world killing people is a felony, just as vigilantism as a whole is too. The same way Batman is a fictional character in a fake world, Jason is not part of the real world either. I think if you’re above age 10 you should’ve moved past the stage of trying to point fingers to try to determine a right vs wrong way to do illegal vigilantism in a world like the dcu while pretending it’s a perfect model of a real society lol.

Batman enjoys maiming and crippling people (bad things). Why is he working with cops and throwing drug addicts into prison after beating the tar out of them (bad things). It’s proven in the real world that that does not do anything to rehabilitate them and in fact costs the government billions of dollars and actually worsens the war on drugs (higher mortality & crime rates, and increased spread of infectious diseases). Yet since the authors constantly spoon feed you lines about how heroic he is people just eat that shit up, disregarding the fact that it might be utter horseshit irl and his morals wouldn’t make much sense either.

If ‘character doing bad thing’ is synonymous with ‘character can’t possibly be a good person’, then that should negate the idea that Batman’s biggest trait is compassion (although I think it already does for other in-story reasons lol, re: he tends to be classist and discriminatory towards people who commit petty crimes, calling them degrading names like “trash” and “bottom-feeders”. No amount of donating to charity makes you a good person if at your core you see poor/homeless people as lesser and you get a kick out of mocking them).

There’s far more evidence of Jason possessing all the good traits the authors keep begging you to believe Batman has. He patiently fed and cared for his dying mother all alone as a small baby/child. He literally fed groups of homeless people like a mother hen everyday while he himself was homeless, brain dead, and running on basic survival instincts. After finally regaining higher functioning in his brain and discovering the joker was still alive, one of the first things he cried about was the countless number of other innocent people dead at the hands of his own killer. If the only justification you have for why Jason’s a bad person is that he kills, that’s a weak and baseless argument for obvious reasons.

okay but like....low key kinda creepy landlord gojo who is just a bit too friendly with you, his new tenant.

he's been renting out his home in some far away spot, secluded from most of society. you thought it was more like a temporary situation, a getaway spot for a week or two, but after discussing more over the phone, you find out that its quite the opposite. the landlord, Gojo he calls himself, tells you that the place is up for leasing if you really wanna stay there. that he'd even cut the price of rent for you after confessing that its a bit out of your price range month-to-month.

you should've seen his eagerness as a red flag, that you, a lonesome body by yourself, would be living in this big space all alone for god knows how long. should've been a little worried with how much he lowered the rent, his urgency to move you in as soon as possible. even offering up his own hand to help you move things in.

but, it's something about a pretty face that just disarms you.

landlord gojo that walks you through the space after you first sign the lease. he's pretty in the face and tall with too big hands and too pretty dimples and grin. he's full of wit and charm and flirty little jokes, makes you fantasize about where he's been intimate in this home before renting it, and if he would return to his roots for you.

landlord gojo that pops in occasionally, knocking a few times and waiting for you to let him and the store brought cookies inside the warmth of the house. he brings you expensive wine and little knickknacks he's collected on his job trips, and you think he's a little friendlier than a landlord should be. but you don't mind; he's kind and he gives you the best company during your prolonged stay away from the busy city life.

but also - landlord gojo who breaks into your house when you’re not home. but is it really breaking in though, when he owns the place? is he really doing something bad by letting himself in, when this is technically his property?

maybe letting himself in isn't so bad - but going through your things is. it starts off innocently enough, with him rummaging through your fridge to see if you ate the plate of cheese and crackers and grapes he brought you two days ago. then he looks through the photo album you hide under the coffee table, and then your cabinets and then -

and then your dresser drawers. finds himself holding up baby blue lace panties with a delicate trim, the shade closest to his eye color. he pockets those, but goes for the real gold after that - your dirty laundry hamper.

maybe he is wrong for resting in your bed with his head buried in your pillow to gather your scent while fisting his cock with your used panties wrapped around his shaft. sue him! you shouldn't be such a fucking cock tease with your sweet texts to him whenever there's a leak in the bathroom and your soft eyes whenever he grins at you. shouldn't be so fucking intoxicating with your addictive smelling perfume and plush looking tits that he knows would smell even better.

with a grunt, gojo cums in the panties he's holding tight around his cock, huffing through his nose at the intensity of it all. and after sitting there for what feels like forever, he cleans himself off with a stuffed bunny on your bed. he hopes you find the little treat he's left you, crusted and white and smelling of him. he hopes you find it, panicked and scared, and call him to tell him that someones broke in. that you need saving, that you need him to stay there with you and make sure you're safe.

maybe then he'll reveal that he never moved out of the house in the first place.

i think the main difference in personality so far between puppy-stellina and puppy-kepler is that kep has a lot more patience.

that brings a lot of positive qualities: he has better emotional control and is less prone to tantrums and outbursts than stellina was (i.e. if i have to stop for 10 seconds on a walk to pick up poo, stellina would yelp and pull and cry at being asked to stop). it also means he has better focus and is more forgiving of repetition in training - he doesn't give up nearly as easily when frustrated. and things that may startle or scare him he's more willing to try again or overcome (e.g. he slipped on my stairs and hurt his foot and didn't want to go back up the stairs for a few days, but eventually started trying again. and when butters slaps him he yelps and backs off, but still thinks she's Super Fun and tries to make friends). so he's a bit more methodical in his thinking.

but it does also bring some negatives too: because he has patience, he does not give up once he's decided something. if stellina was overtired and i put her in a crate, she'd fuss for a minute then pretty quickly go "hm alright then" and go to sleep. if i do the same to kep, he fights it and fights it because he doesn't want to be asleep and that's that. he's much more difficult to redirect or distract, and i have to be a lot more mindful of managing him because once he's decided something is fun or tasty or whatever it takes a lot to dissuade him, and he'll go back to it at the first chance. he's very slow to learn boundaries as a result - i have to do a lot more convincing than i'm used to.

they are still overall very similar personalities, especially as they're the same breed and from very similar lines, but i think so far this has been the biggest quality that i've needed to adjust to. puppy-stellina i had to do a lot of mental adjustments learning how to manage her short emotional threshold and sensitivity, so it's interesting to see what does and doesn't translate over to kep.

Forgive me if I'm a bit nervous about Gorgug this season. It's just that the last Zac Oyama pc was Colin Provolone, who was arguably one of his greatest D20 performances, if not the greatest.

Zac always does great with every pc he plays, but Colin was something else. He came out swinging with actions and words that were teeming with unspoken emotional baggage. The way Colin's presence affected the other pcs; there was this level of depth that I don't think I've seen in any of his other characters. It was understated and quiet in that signature "just a guy" way that he tends to be, while still captivating everyone instantly with just how raw it was.

Not to say we haven't seen emotional depth in Gorgug. It's just that, compared to the other Bad Kids, Gorgug's journey and progression as a character has been very... impersonal? Like, yes, he found his birth parents, and he found friends who appreciate him, and he faced his insecurities about his intelligence, and he navigated relationship troubles, and his trial through the claustrophobic bug-tunnels was a horrifically-uncanny parallel to how he's spent his entire life trying to make himself as small as possible.

But how much of that has actually changed him from the Gorgug we started with? I would agree that he's definitely happier with his life, given all the loving and supportive people that have been added to it when it used to be just him and his parents. And he's certainly grown into himself and become more self-assured in his abilities, even if he's still, and always will be, our anxious little guy. And there's nothing wrong with that. I've always liked how Gorgug was a representation of all the little things. The subtle acts and kindnesses that don't seem like much to most, but to some are everything.

We don't need another Bad Kid living in fear that their mouth could be shit-in at any moment. We've already got one-too-many.

All that being said, I just feel like Gorgug's personal story beats are much easier to sweep under the rug than everyone else's. He has the same soft and understated quality that Colin held, but they lack that extra oomph that pushed Colin over the edge from being just another guy in a series of dudes, to a character that the vast majority of us could not get out of our heads. He took someone who was anxious and softspoken, who ultimately never wanted to be violent— someone who is remarkably similar to Gorgug in many ways— and maintained that demeanor and core in Colin's character while still hitting us in the feels with character development at max velocity at every turn.

I think Zac gets better and better at this with every season that goes by. With each new character, there is always something that leaves me stunned in awe. And it's been, what, three? Four years since we last saw Gorgug?

I'm just,,, I'm cautiously optimistic but also going into a bit of a worry about what violence this man may inflict upon us

// specials spoilers

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Translated the fight scene between xiaotian and azure !! 👀 again there may have been mistakes sooo yeah! i think this is something while we wait for the eng ver to release hehe

Textpost time yay! :-)

btw artists you should maybe stop posting your art on pinterest if that's something you've been doing, i know a few ppl who have been sharing their art there

i'm not sure if this section has been updated at all or if it's always been this way but I was taking a read through their soon-to-be-implemented update to their TOS to see if they'll be adding anything with the increased usage of AI and this looks like perhaps this section exists (at least in part) for that reason 🤔 [thinking emoji]

unfortunately their report function for art theft/reposting has historically been less than stellar (an understatement) and I don't really see it improving any time soon but perhaps they will improve it with this update to their TOS and privacy policy! one can hope at least!

link to the preview of the new TOS: https://policy.pinterest.com/en/terms-of-service-preview

alt text for the screenshot below, as well as linked in the embedded image description feature:

A screenshot of a section of Pinterest's new Terms of Service. The subsection heading reads: "How we and other users can use your User Content". The highlighted text reads: "By providing any User Content on the Service, you grant us license to use, store, publicly perform or display, reproduce, save, modify, create derivative works, monetize, download, translate and distribute your User Content. Nothing in these Terms entitles you to any payments or the right to share in any revenue from any monetization of User Content."

Image description note: If you want to read the full paragraph, please visit the page I've linked in the post.