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rainypebble07 · 1 year

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i hope you're feeling better now but i just saw your post from the other day and i sure do have Things to put in your askbox so

hello hi tell me about your writing process ! and i mean literally any part of it, literally any Thing, i'm just kind of curious because i really love what you write and my wips generally stay unfinished no matter how much i like the idea so i'm also kinda just curious how you manage to Get It Done yk?

no pressure at all i was just wondering

(Dude, I wrote too much. Sorry. i love to speak. I was excited I got an ask)

Hi! Yes! I'm feeling a little better now, still kinda sick, but so it goes. And that's so sweet of you! I'm glad you like my writing!

Writing Process? Oh boy, this is gonna be so disappointing. Most of the stories I've written come to me at random moments and over the course of a few days I'll make up this weird elaborate plot in my head until I get to the point where I'm like 'ok, this need to be a fic'.

I usually use two documents while writing something. I've got a layout (that's where I pull the crazy planning posts from) and the actual story(where I get the out-of-context stuff). I write down everything I want to happen in the layout document and add as much to it as I see fit (this can include really anything from specific conversations I want to really generic plot points) as well as block out chapters and after I'm finished with that, it usually just looks like a weirdly formatted poem or something. I never use spellcheck or anything on that either and I use such casual language, so it always looks like something I wrote while blackout drunk, but I love it nonetheless. Here's the first chapter of "Mike Wheeler's Ultimate Guide to the Undead"'s outline for example:

As you can see, it's a mess, but I love it. And somehow I got the first chapter out of this.

The point of that is pretty much it's an outline, but it's also kind of fun since it's so casual, so I've found it helps to motivate me to write new parts of the story bc I'm engaged by the strange wording I use on the outline. I also use this doc for title planning and other stuff I have to figure out beforehand. For example, I wrote the poem in Shady Business on an outline doc.

I then transfer this over to the story doc in an actual storytelling format. Most of my writing comes out of absolutely nowhere and idk what to say about it. I'll word-vomit for about ten minutes and get a page, look at it, and go 'oh hey, why isn't that horrible?'. I'm also super conversational in my writing, which helps it flow better. I always thought that made my writing hard to read, but a lot of people have actually said they like my writing style so I guess it's not that bad! I just treat it as if I'm telling the story over a cup of coffee. As for representing the character well (because they are real characters), I just try to get into their mindset as much as possible. I don't really have any specific way I do that, though. I recently had to create a fake "Am I the Asshole" post for Mike so I could try to understand his feelings on something better within myself (made it on the outline doc!).

After the initial word vomit of a chapter, I'll go back and read it over, adding or taking away what I see fit and fixing initial spelling mistakes and making sure it reads well. I don't have a beta reader (I wish I did), so I've gotta just assume it's readable and go with it. After the initial fixes, I'll read it over again just to make sure. I only fix all the spelling mistakes by the time I go to publish because I use Grammarly on the Ao3 post thing lol. By that point, it's only like 4 mistakes left anyway (and the stuff Grammarly says is incorrect but I don't care bc it sounds good and I can do what I want).

I also highlight my little outline as I go (usually in green bc byler brainrot, you can see it in the image) and it helps me visualize my progress and keep going!

But, yeah. That's pretty much the entire process and I have no better explanation than it's simply a dumpster fire of improv and weird pieces of moment I have glued together in my brain. It's arts and crafts, at the best, but somehow I pull it together and create a story!

As for motivation, most of it's four things. One, the anticipation of writing scenes I really want to. Two, telling myself I'm gonna get fun comments and reading old comments (I thrive off of positive feedback from poeple). Three, a specialized playlist for the fic. I make playlists for my stories with songs I like that fit the overall vibe and sometimes I get inspiration from them and it gives me new ideas. And four, probably the most important, I just really like writing. It's my favorite things ever to just put words on a page and make a story out of it. It's so fun and so cool and so magical and I love it.

And that's about it. The end. That's my writing process. It doesn't really make much sense, but I guess it works, so it works for me! If you're looking to improve your own completion rate, I mean, maybe try some of it, but it's really a personal preference. You've gotta do tril and error. And I've really gotta work on slowing down anyway because I can totally rush writing a fic and end up making it a lot less than it could have been if I took more time. And If you're not feeling motivated to write, don't force it. Seriously. Things like I suggested totally help me keep up with it, but what I hate more than anything is stuff I wrote when I didn't want to write. It's just... uninspired.

Okay! Thank you so much for asking that! Hopefully this long rant of nonsense (omg like my writing) answered your question! Sorry I wrote an essay!

#fanfic #byler fanfic #wip stuff #writing #byler #AN ASK #IM SO HAPPY #(if you couldn't tell)

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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 years

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Life lessons to remember: always triple check your units and dinentional analysis that you don't have go back through and reformat 500 sample readings ✌

#i.e. i realized like 8 months after the fact that my units were off on something and no one would have ever known if i hadnt spoken up to my #committee member. which is terrifying bc no one would have ever known if i hadnt said anything or made that realization #and how many studies out there have fucked up publishings like that? fuck im so glad we caught it #also i had to recheck all my individual files and for like 10 files i input flat out the wrong value #like i said. terrifying #so im so so glad i noticed and the fix isnt as terrifying as i thought bc i have better coding skills and can automate things #but this does mean i have to do a lot of extra work and fix like 10 fucked up excel sheets #BUT it also means that once im done my data might make more sense. which would be fucking fantastic #however all that is prob the reason im awake rn at 2am. bc i have so much to do and cant stop my brain #idk im just glad we talked to my committee member #im also going to help him in the field next week at a site that is kinda way out there #and that means im gonna have to borrow a university truck and bc i have fucking driving issues im #prob gonna have to ask our lab manager to drive me out there #and im gonna feel so bad abt it #i mean for him itll prob be like half a day where u get to be outside but still im gonna disrupt his day bc #i cant function as a normal human. and will have to blabber on all the car ride there #sigh... ifk hopefully the photosynthesis machines will have batteries and will behave as needed #bc it woikf fucking suck if i got out there only for equitment failure. pls pls let the machines not be fucked #ugh... anyway i cant sleep. i have kots of work to do but im glad i caught a big fucking mistake #and i just remembered i filled out a quite critically self evaluation for my pi yesterday morning and im not looking forward tk #to discussing that with my pi bc i basically said:#this individual: cant read. cant socialize. cant behave like a normal human. and is hypercritical #which is true and should be obvious after abt 2yrs but laid out like that doesnt sound great #and i dont want to argue agaisnt any argument she might have for my competence bc that sounds like fishing for complements #idk she is just very supportive have i find that irrationally difficult XD but i guess that's a good problem to have all things considered #i could be like my friend who is ending her degree asap bc her pi fucking sucks #anyway im rambling #unrelated

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nugnthopkns · 3 years

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i wish i could disappear

word count: 3.6k

warnings: explicit!fem reader, cursing, feelings of anxiety due to social media harassment, invasion of privacy that border on stalking

recommended listening: brutal | olivia rodrigo

series masterpost: here

a/n: and we're off to the races!! i love this album and olivia so much. there's a shoutout to goon by tobias jesso jr. in here bc it's my favourite album to cry to lmao (highly recommend giving it a listen!). i'm on the fence about this one but am posting it anyways because i don't think i can make it any better

How the fuck do people find your social media?

All of your accounts are private and Kevin makes sure to never tag you on the rare occasion he posts a picture of the two of you together. The wives and girlfriends who have public accounts make sure to never post about you, and you’re careful not to comment on posts often. You’re a private person and though you understand that due to the nature of your relationship with Kevin you intrigue some fans, you don’t want to give them more than you have to.

Despite making no attempt to open up to the public or media, every day you wake up with hundreds of follow requests from complete strangers. At first it was a little exciting knowing that people were curious about your life but after years of the same routine it’s become draining. It takes you nearly twenty minutes each day to weed through them and accept only the people you know personally. Kevin doesn’t actually know how many people want to catch a glimpse of your daily life because you do your best to keep it from him. Knowing would only bring him stress, and you want him to be able to focus on winning games and loving you with his entire heart.

☼☼☼☼

The phone on your desk rings loudly, pulling your attention away from the computer screen that has way too many numbers on it for your liking. The finance department needed someone to proof their audit before sending it away and since you’re the only one in human relations that has a business degree the job landed on your shoulders. Eager to take a break, you pick it up and press the receiver against your ear.

“Hello?”

The voice on the other side laughs gently, but you immediately know it’s Kevin. “Hi sweetheart,” he says warmly, “How’s work?”

“Fine I guess. It’s work, Kev. Nothing terribly exciting happens here,” you explain but continue to fill him in on all the coffee pot gossip you got this morning. Kevin listens as you complain about forgetting your lunch on the counter and chuckles at how upset the situation makes you.

“What if I told you I’m outside your window with a burrito bowl?”

Excited at the possibility of seeing your boyfriend before dinnertime, you whip towards the window and spot Kevin on the sidewalk, waving like an idiot despite knowing your office is on the fifth floor. You hang up quickly after telling him you’ll be down in two minutes and let the receptionist know you’re stepping out for lunch. There’s a line for the elevator so you head to the stairwell, taking them two at a time in your haste. You’re crossing the street to the small park where Kevin has set up a picnic before your co-workers are even out the door.

You plop down on the blanket beside Kevin and lean into him. He presses a sweet kiss to your forehead before passing you the food he brought. You take a bite, sighing at the taste. Kevin knows you better than you know yourself and knew exactly what to get that would satisfy your mounting hunger.

“Thanks babe,” you smile, holding up your fork and offering him a bite. He takes it graciously but makes a face. “What’s the matter?” you laugh as you take the utensil back.

“I fucking hate avocado.”

The two of you eat in relative silence, speaking only when you remember a detail from your morning. Kevin tells you about the drills he’s going to lead at practice in the afternoon and what he plans on cooking for dinner since he’ll be home before you. You insist you can whip something up when you get home but Kevin shakes his head. He reminds you that relationships are give and take, and that you’ve made dinner the past three nights because he had a string of games. You manage to reach a compromise that has you doing the dishes before you have to return to work.

Kevin insists on walking you back to your office even though you protest vehemently. Your relationship is far from secret, and has been the topic of workplace gossip more times than you can count, but after five years you’ve learned to ignore most of it. However, you don’t want your co-workers to think you flaunt your NHL player boyfriend to prove you’re better than them. They all love Kevin, and a couple of them congratulate him on last night’s goal as he follows you down the hall. A few of the newer hires stare in awe and shake his hand, completely blown away that one of Philadelphia’s biggest stars is asking how they like their jobs.

“Pretty soon they’re going to approach you to do PR for us,” you chuckle as you flip the light on and close the door of your office.

His laughter echoes off the walls as a pair of strong arms find a home around your waist. “It would be kind of fun to hear myself crush those radio commercials.”

“Since when do you listen to the radio?”

“Checkmate,” Kevin sighs, pulling you closer. He kisses you quickly, not wanting to give a show to anyone who could be walking past, but it still sends you reeling. You don’t want him to pull away and kiss him again.

You get your way for a few more moments and then Kevin’s leaving with a promise to not burn the house down and wishes for a good rest of the day. Focussed on giving the audit its final once-over you don’t bother pulling your phone from the drawer you had placed it in when you got to work that morning. You turn up the small radio at the corner of your desk and get to work scanning the document for errors. There’s a mistake halfway through that skews the rest of the data and fixing it takes a bit of time, but it isn’t a huge deal. You have nothing else to do except answer a few emails and organize meetings for after the weekend.

An hour or so later you’ve completed all your tasks and debate what to do. It’s too early to leave for the day, so you decide to kill time by checking your phone. You’re expecting a few notifications, perhaps two or three memes in the group chat you share with your friends, but not the hundreds that greet you.

The majority of them are instagram notifications, and assuming they’re just more fans requesting a follow you ignore them, instead heading to your text messages. There’s a picture from Kevin of a dog he found walking home and another from your mom asking why you haven’t called home in a few weeks. However the one from Claude’s wife is the one that piques your curiosity.

Just a heads up that someone posted a pic of you and Kev to one of those stupid wag pages. I filed a request for Instagram to take it down but it’s gotten a lot of traction. Sorry :((

Your heartbeat increases rapidly and a million thoughts fly through your head at a rapid speed. Fingers shaking, you respond with a thanks and open up the dreaded app. You don’t see it immediately, your feed being full of photos belonging to friends and family, but it’s in your messages almost two hundred times. Many of them have text attached and you know there will be a comment about your relationship regardless of which one you open.

Tapping on the most recent message you brace yourself for the worst. The new window opens a photo someone took of you and Kevin while eating lunch in the park across from your office not even three hours prior. It’s grainy and the camera angle is strange, but you’re eating and Kevin is looking somewhere out of frame. The accompanying caption reads Kev and his girlfriend out for lunch today! Follow @philllywagupdates for more :).

You let out a sigh of relief – it could have been a lot worse. Personal pictures of yourself have made it onto pages like that before and most of them they’re paired with mean-spirited captions about your appearance or other trivial matters. Assuming you’re in the clear, you head back to the page of the original message to thank the person for bringing the post to your attention. However, the message accompanying the post is anything but positive.

He can’t even fucking look at you. It’s only a matter of time before he leaves you

The blood in your veins runs cold. You know it’s not true – Kevin’s made it clear you’re the one and truthfully you’re just waiting for a ring – but it doesn’t stop the sting you feel. What could possess someone to say such horrible things? You decide not to respond despite, possibly opening another can of worms with the seen function, and close the app. Leaning back in your office chair you focus on anything but your phone, looking out the window at passersby while regaining your breath. It works for a while, but eventually not knowing what others said eats away at you. You go through every single message to see hundreds of similar comments to the first, with only a few saying they’re glad you’re happy or how posting the picture is a violation of your privacy.

By the time you’re finished your spirit has been crushed. However, it’s also an acceptable time to start the weekend – at least no one in the office will have to see you cry. Things are hastily packed into your bag and you wave a few quick goodbyes before once again taking the stairs. You curse yourself for deciding to walk to work that morning and set off in the direction of home wiping away tears. The last thing you need right now is for someone to recognize you, but you have to get home. Tobias Jesso Jr plays at much too loud a volume through your headphones and Kevin will most certainly remind you it’s bad for your hearing, but the melancholy piano riffs of Goon overpower the thoughts swirling around your head.

Do people really feel that way about me?

Are my friends just too nice to stop inviting me places?

Does Kevin really feel trapped?

Hundreds of similar sentiments and situations cross your mind as you stumble through the streets of downtown Philadelphia, but you force them as far back as possible before opening the door to the apartment you share with Kevin. Hoping to slip inside undetected, you take your shoes off slowly and throw your jacket on the end table instead of hanging it in the closet. Your plan fails somehow and Kevin hears you, greeting you in a goofy apron covered in flour.

“Hey sweetheart,” he smiles, but it drops once your eyes meet and he sees the hurt on your face. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” you insist, trying to step around him in pursuit of the bathroom.

Kevin doesn’t buy it and sees right through your feeble words. “It’s not nothing if you’re this upset. If you don’t want to talk now that’s fine, but I think you should get it off your chest.”

You know he’s right, but you also know you can’t tell him the true cause of your despair. “Just some work stuff,” you sigh. “The audit got all fucked up and I had to fix it even though it’s not my job.”

It’s not technically a lie, which makes you feel better, and Kevin buys it. He presses a sweet kiss to your lips in sympathy. “Go take a shower and the gnocchi should be ready by the time you’re done. We can spend the night cuddling on the couch.”

“And watching Selling Sunset?”

“We can watch whatever you want sweetheart,” he chuckles. You part from him with a final kiss and head to the bathroom. Hopefully the steam from the water will carry away the negativity brought on by that damn post.

☼☼☼☼

Time passes but the hateful comments on social media don’t stop. In fact, you’re pretty sure they get worse. It’s so bad that you’ve deleted every app except facebook because you need it for work. Kevin doesn’t notice your abstinence from social media, but he picks up on how you spend more time criticizing yourself or staring off into space. When he pushes you either brush him off or feed some bullshit excuse about how work is getting you down. You know he doesn’t believe you but trusts you enough to come to him when you’re ready to talk.

You aren’t sure if you’ll ever be able to tell Kevin what’s been going on. There’s been scrutiny from social media before, when you first started dating, but it quieted down after the initial media frenzy. He helped you through that but it’s different this time around. Never before have you had strangers tell you your life is worthless or that your boyfriend should end your relationship. Some of the other wags notice your absence on instagram but chalk it up to you just taking a break. They reach out via the group chat and send wishes to see you at the next home game. It’s nice to know they care, but the voice in your head that has grown much larger in recent weeks tells you they don’t truly mean it. This leads you to decline the invite as politely as possible, citing extended work hours for your absence. In reality you’re too anxious to be anywhere that isn’t home or work, petrified someone is going to post something that will add fuel to the flames of those who interrogate you.

It’s another Friday afternoon, and you’re leaving the office early once again. There’s a small craft exhibition taking place around the corner from work and today is the last day it’s open. You had been meaning to go all week, hoping to find something small to add to Kevin’s birthday gift. As you step out of the building there’s a small group of young women, who don’t look old enough to have graduated college, standing off to the side. It fills you with dread, worried that somehow someone found out where you work and the insults are going to start occurring verbally, but you force yourself to be rational. You work fairly close to one of the artsier districts in the city and it’s more than likely they just want to find a cute mural to take pictures in front of.

You pass by and swear you hear them snicker, but you remind yourself you’ve just been jumpy lately. When they peel from their place on the wall and follow behind at a distance you think the coincidences are running out. It seems a little too strange how their movements line up with yours, and you go down a few winding side streets in an attempt to lose them. Part of you feels ridiculous because what group of barely legal girls would track a full-blown adult around a city of nearly two million people, but your life is currently strange enough you can’t be sure. They don’t follow you, and by the time you reach the market your heart rate has returned to normal.

The first few stalls have little to catch your eye, but a few rows in you find a leatherworker who makes adorable wallets. Kevin’s is ridiculously old and falling apart at the seams – his mom bought it for him before the two of you got together. You think a new one will make a perfect addition to the concert tickets you already bought and browse the table for something simple and elegant. A deep brown one with tan braiding around the edges catches your eye and you know it’s the one for Kevin. Checking the price to make sure you have enough cash in your wallet, you approach the shop owner to purchase. The older man has a kind smile that reaches his eyes as he thanks you for purchasing from him.

“No, thank you for making something so beautiful!” you gush. “My boyfriend is going to love it.”

It’s then you hear it – snickering accompanied by the click of a camera. You look over your shoulder to see the same group of girls from before laughing as they huddle over a cell phone, no doubt already starting to broadcast the photo across the internet. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes but you refuse to let them fall. Those girls don’t deserve to see their mission accomplished, but the longer they laugh at you the harder it is to swallow your feelings.

Head held high, you thank the owner one more time before holding your head high and walking past the group. The only way out is past them so you hold your breath and pray they don’t notice you. Unfortunately you aren’t that lucky, and one of them looks up just as you come into earshot.

“If Kevin doesn’t leave you after that sorry excuse for a gift I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” she sneers.

Another one chimes in, “You’re honestly so pathetic.” They all cackle in amusement, and you speed up. The tears flow freely now, and you call an uber even though it will be a ridiculous amount of money. You just want to get home.

The uber driver doesn’t say anything when you get in, though you know it’s strange to be bawling your eyes out at four in the afternoon. You can’t help it – weeks of keeping all the hate to yourself finally got to you and being followed with the sole intent of ridicule is the final straw. At one red light he silently passes you a box of tissues, which you accept gratefully.

Luckily the lobby of your apartment complex is empty and you manage to get to your floor without encountering a familiar face. There’s a few hours until Kevin gets home from his final roadtrip of the season, and if you play your cards right you can get all the tears out and be as normal as possible before he comes through the door. You don’t even bother to put anything away, just head straight to the bathroom to slump against the tub. Sobs rack your body and you lose all sense of time. All you can feel is the hurt you’ve been holding in releasing itself and soaking the material of your blouse.

Kevin finds you laying in the position hours later. He tripped over your shoes coming in the door and immediately knew something was wrong – you always place them neatly on the rack in the closet upon arriving home. Peering through the quiet house for a hint at where you are, he sees the bathroom light on and makes a beeline for the room. It breaks his heart to see you like this, and even more so because he doesn’t know what spurred it on.

“Sweetheart, hey,” he coos, maneuvering his body to sit beside you and pull you into his lap. “What’s the matter?”

You bury your head in his shoulder and clutch the material of his dress shirt as you cry harder at the sound of his voice. Kevin takes your reaction in stride, rubbing circles on your back and working on evening out your breath. He doesn’t pressure you to speak and provides the stability you desperately crave as the world around you spins. An unknown amount of time passes before your tears run out, but spend it all on the bathroom floor curled into Kevin.

“I guess I should have told you sooner,” you mumble, “But I didn’t want to bother you.”

Concern laces Kevin’s features and his eyebrows knit together. “Tell me what?”

“I, uh, have been the subject of some internet hate for the past little bit,” you say sheepishly. It feels stupid to not have told him now, but you can’t change that. “But you were really busy with the season and I wanted to make sure your head was completely focused on the game so I just dealt with it myself. I deleted the apps and tried my best to go about my life. And then today after work I was followed by some people and they said some really hurtful stuff and shit became a little too real.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

It’s your turn to be confused. “Why are you sorry Kev? You're Not the one sending me death threats.”

He tucks a loose strand of hair back into your ponytail. “Maybe not, but I still made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about what was going on. What kind of partner am I?”

“The best one,” you say confidently. “It’s okay, I’m okay. I just want to forget about it right now. Can we just disappear for a little bit?”

Kevin wraps his arms around you tighter, as if he can engulf you to protect from the cruel outside world. “We can do whatever you want. If you want to get out of the city for a bit if you want, or just spend the next few days here away from prying eyes.”

“I love you.”

You say it because you mean it, and if you could scream it from the rooftops you would. Kevin is incredibly easy to love, even when you make it difficult for him to love you back. You know another much longer conversation is coming about everything that has happened recently because communication is the only way to solve problems and Kevin deserves that, but you’re thankful he’s willing to put it to rest for a few more moments.

He cracks a smile for the first time since he’s been home and kisses the crown of your head. “I love you too sweetheart,” he whispers, “Always and forever.”

Things are far from over and though you still never want to show your face in public ever again, you know that Kevin is going to do whatever he can to make things better and that’s enough for you.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @ricohenrique @tortito @boqvistsbabe @iwantahockeyhimbo @himbos-on-ice @2manytabsopen if you want to be added just shoot me an ask :)

#i don't love this but here it is!!!#one day i'll like the stories i write #kevin hayes imagine #kevin hayes x reader #kevin hayes fic #philadelphia flyers imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fic #hockey imagine #hockey fic #cwrites #sour

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cherryyharryy · 3 years

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i have an idea for a request (it’s totally ok if you don’t want to do it) like an angst-> fluff where one of harry’s songs accidentally gets leaked bc of y/n like she has something on a flash drive and the song is on another and they get mixed up and obviously he’s really mad at y/n and they have a fight he’s super snappy with her but something happens to her like she gets into a really big accidental or something and he forgives her bc he cares about her more tha the leaked song

WC: 2.7k

***

Damage control wasn’t even an option.

Y/n sat there, staring at Harry’s laptop, numb to everything except the blaring desire to go back in time just two minutes. Two minutes is all she would need to undo possibly the biggest screwup of her life.

And the worst part is that this mistake ultimately doesn’t affect her. At least not in comparison to how it will affect Harry. And his band. And his team. Basically everyone involved with his career.

Her mind is equally begging for her to shut down and come up with a plan—an excuse—something, Is there anyway this wasn’t my fault?

She checks the time, her heart sinking to her stomach when she realizes Harry and his team will be back any minute. Any minute and she’s done for.

They’ve only been together for five months, officially. She’s still new to most everyone. She’s that girl Harry’s dating.

“I told you he played in that movie.” Jeff’s voice echoes outside the studio. Y/n closes the laptop and prays for strength.

“I have him confused with someone else.” Harry bustles through the door, a small crowd of people filing in behind him, back to the spots they left an hour ago. “Hey darling,” he greets, “finish your paper?”

Y/n’s frozen, morbidly wishing he had found out about his song leaking on his own so she wouldn’t have to tell him. “Uh, almost.”

He kisses the top of her head and hands her a cup of frozen yogurt. “Your favorite.”

“Thanks.” She sets it on the table she’s sat at while Harry pulls up a chair beside her. “Aren’t you guys still working?”

He waves in the direction of his band, “Mitch’s gotta fix his guitar.” He snickers, and slides his laptop out from under y/n’s hands. “Had a bit of an accident in the car.”

Y/n’s head tingles with what must be nerve damage, her place in this world, her place in this room, decreasing in value as Harry opens his computer.

“It’s gonna melt.” He nods to her yogurt.

“I’m not hungry.”

He furrows his brow. “You alright?”

“Mhm.” She looks around the room, everyone busy getting back to work, light chatter passing among them. “Uh, actually, I uh, I have to tell you something.” Y/n tries to swallow the lump in her throat with no luck.

“Okay…” He shuts the laptop and gives her his full attention.

“Okay, um—”

“What the fuck!?” The room freezes as everyone turns toward Jeff. “Harry someone’s got a hold of your song!”

Harry scrambles to his manager, complete shock on his face as they both stare down at Jeff’s phone. “Fuck.” They start to play a video, the sound of a girl screaming, with Harry’s unconsented voice playing in the background, fills the room. “How the hell did this happen?” He’s gritting through his teeth, neck red, veins bulging in his hands as he rips the phone out of Jeff’s hand. “HOW? Someone answer me!”

Y/N considers keeping quiet. Playing innocent. What good will it do to confess anyway? It’s not like it’ll undo what she’s done.

Sarah chimes in from across the room, “It looks like it happened half an hour ago. That’s when this video I’m looking at was posted.”

Y/n’s staring down at her lap, holding her head up with her fingers pressed into her temples when Harry slings himself back into the chair next to her.

“All that work, all that fucking work,” he nearly growls, “for some cunt to spread my unfinished song around for a buck.”

Y/n peers up to the room, a completely different picture compared to five minutes ago. Now there’s talk of lawyers and pressing charges while everyone shuffles around. Jeff slams the door as he steps out with his phone to his ear, and y/n knows she can’t claim denial, it’ll only make things worse.

“Uh, Harry?”

“What is it?” He doesn’t look at her, eyes glaring at his phone while another video plays of a group of people reacting to his song. “Glad they fucking like it.”

“Harry?”

“What, y/n?”

She shrinks under his gaze, mouth dry as she forces her confession out. “I uh, this is all my fault.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m so, so sorry. And I’ll do anything—I know I can’t fix it—but...”

Harry’s tongue presses against the inside of his cheek, his eyes narrowing in on her as a morbid silence forms a little bubble around them. “Go on,” he whispers with grit, “finish what you were gonna say.”

She stutters, desperately trying to figure him out. “I’m just sorry. It was an accident.”

“An accident? How did you even manage to do this?”

“I—”

“Do you have any idea what this accident means, y/n?”

She reluctantly shakes her head no.

“How the fuck did you do this?”

“I—I don’t know...I was taking a break from my paper, and, I don’t know Harry.” She’s in tears now, warm and salty as they spill down her cheeks. Her mouth wobbles around another apology, but no sounds make it out.

“Fix it.”

“What?”

He stands up, yanking his laptop off the table, pausing to glare at her one last time. “I said, to fix it.” With that he storms across the room, slinging the door open just as Jeff reenters.

“Harry, your attorney—”

“Forget it.” He turns around and points his phone towards y/n silently sobbing in the corner. “She’s gonna handle it.” He takes one step out into the hall and stops, spinning on his heels to face the studio. “Don’t speak to me until you do.”

Mitch’s guitar that was fixed and propped against the wall, crashes to the floor when Harry slams the door.

Chatter passes around the room one more time, only now everyone seems to be in agreeance—that girl never should have been allowed in the studio, and maybe, Harry should break up with her.

***

Early morning rain fell outside Harry’s apartment. It was still dark, street lamps burning through the fog in the city below. His home fills with coffee as he pours his fifth cup; the prior four never offering more than a few sips before he had abandoned them somewhere, the counter, mantle, bookshelf, because he can’t talk without his hands.

Y/n sits on his couch. It’s velvet and pink and too big for one person. She hated it the first time he invited her over. If he breaks up with her, she’s going to tell him how ugly it is.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do.” She’s exhausted. She hadn’t hesitated to drive over when he finally responded to one of her hundreds of texts in the week since the mishap. But now she regrets it. They’ve been going in circles with the same argument for the past four hours. She’s convinced he invited her over just to be mean. She sighs, rubbing her temples. “I said I was sorry. You know that I’m sorry. And you know that I never, ever in a million years, would have done something like this on purpose.”

“I’m allowed to be angry with you. I have every right to be.”

“Do you, though?” She straightens up on his ugly couch and looks at him leaning against the doorframe that leads into the kitchen. “Aren’t you a little tired of hating me? God Harry, everyone else in the whole world has moved on except you.”

“It’s not everyone else’s song, is it? It’s not everyone else’s months and months of hard work. It’s not everyone else’s unfinished art? Nobody else is having to deal with a girlfriend that is so careless, so thoughtless, that she actually managed to leak my song!”

“Stop raising your voice at me!”

“You had no business snooping around my computer anyway! I told you you could work on your fucking paper, not to go prying around my personal shit!”

“You know what,” she scoffs, shooting up off the couch, “this argument is so pointless. You didn’t want me here so we could talk. You just wanted to torture me because you’re mad that people don’t love your stupid song.”

“What the fuck did you say?”

She brushes his shoulder as she passes by him, and a drip of his coffee spills onto his hand. He curses, and follows her into the kitchen where he lays his final cup down on the island.

“You’re being a baby because people aren’t fawning over you like they usually do.” She shrugs and slings her bag over her shoulder. “It’s not your best song, Harry.”

The veins in his neck strain against his flaming skin. His cheeks are sucked in, and if he bites down on the skin any harder he’ll puncture his face. “Get the fuck out.”

“I was already leaving, dumb ass.” She strides by him once more, practically feeling the heat steaming off his body. When she gets to the front door, she pauses with her hand on the knob. “Your couch is hideous, by the way. Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you have to buy shitty looking stuff.”

When she slams the door behind her, the apartment shakes, and cold coffee spills from each cup.

***

It’s nearing five a.m. when y/n backs out of the complex. Her wipers race across the windshield, but do nothing against the downpour wreaking havoc in the city. She does her best to stay on what she assumes is her side of the road, swerving to the right each time headlights blind her.

“Shit.” Nothing is open, and she can’t even see where it would be safe to pull over to let the rain pass. But her home isn’t that far, and traffic isn’t too bad.

She comes to a stop at a red light, only to realize she missed a left turn she should’ve made a minute ago. “Damn it. Fucking hell.”

As soon as the light turns green, she spins the wheel to make a U-turn, and if it hadn’t been for the rain, and her own clouded mind, and Harry’s voice echoing in her ears, she might have seen the truck who didn’t even try to avoid her.

***

It’s the headache from hell that wakes her up. And it’s the sterile smell of hospital that jogs her memory. And it’s a nurse not much older than y/n that says something about you’re lucky to be alive.

She’s poked and prodded and asked a thousand questions before her IV is adjusted and a pill to ease one of the many pains scratching her body is handed to her in a small plastic cup. A police officer repeats half of this process, and somewhere in the mess of her reality, she learns that the other driver was sending a text to his wife when he plowed into her car. He’s at home and she’s here. Lucky to be alive.

She made calls to her mom and friends, and even managed to type out a decent email to her professors for her upcoming absence in class.

When she automatically pulled up Harry’s name on her phone, the last text he sent, the one inviting her over so he could make her more miserable than she already was, sat there in all its taunting glory.

What is she even supposed to say? Hey, I know you hate my existence right now, but I’m lying here in a hospital bed with bandages wrapped around my head. It’d be cool if you stopped by.

It’s not long before the sun pops up and reminds y/n of just how early it is. The clouds part, and it’s like it had never even rained, like it had never even been dark for hours, and if she closes her eyes, y/n can pretend that the past week hadn’t even happened.

***

“How are you feeling today?” The nurse checks y/n’s IV, humming after her question.

“Just sore. Ready to get out of here.”

“We’ve started the paperwork, so shouldn’t be too long. Who’s coming to get you?”

Y/n blinks, feeling stupid she hadn’t thought this far ahead. She doesn’t even have a car anymore. The nurse looks over the computer monitor, waiting for a response.

“Uh, my friend.”

“Awesome. Dr. Kirby has to come check on you one last time before you leave. I’ll go see if he can stop by now, if you want to let your friend know.”

As soon as the nurse is out the door, y/n scrambles to turn her phone back on, and once it is, her lock screen is filled with missed calls and unanswered texts.

She’ll respond later; gives her something to do in the car to occupy her in front of Harry.

She can’t call him. Harry’s not a monster, although the past week doesn’t exactly prove her case, but she knows he wouldn’t refuse to come get her. If anything, he’ll be annoyed she didn’t tell him about the accident sooner. But she’s too emotional to deal with hearing his voice.

She types out a text recounting her last 24 hours, along with the name of the hospital. He immediately reads it, and a moment later he’s trying to call.

To: Harry

I’m too tired to talk rn

She lies. And it works.

From: Harry

I’ll be there as fast as i can

***

“Baby?”

Y/n cracks her eyes open, irritated she never quite fell asleep. Confused as to why Harry’s calling her baby. Angry that she cares. And the next words out of his mouth are ones she’d been predicting.

“Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve dropped everything. You’ve been here all alone, shit. Are you okay? What hurts?”

He’s hovering over her, fidgeting, unsure if he can touch her.

“I’m fine now. Just sore. And tired.”

“Fuck I can’t believe this, I—”

“The doctor already said I can go. I’m not allowed to walk out on my own, so, you need to let the nurse know you’re here. She’ll take me down in a wheelchair.”

“Baby I’m so sorry-”

“No, Harry. You would still be busy hating my guts right now—”

“Hate you? I don’t hate you?”

“Well you did a great job this week making me feel otherwise.”

Harry sighs, gripping the bed frame and dropping his chin to his chest. When he looks back up he has tears brimming his eyes. “I’m sorry,” his voice cracks. “I know I’ve been an ass this week. I—you were right. I took out my anger from no one lovin’ the song on you.”

“Well it’s not no one. A lot of people did. And it’s unfinished anyway. You wouldn’t enjoy a meal if it was only cooked halfway.”

He nods, but y/n knows he’s only accepting her words because of the situation.

“You mean so much more to me than a leaked song. I’m sorry I treated you like shit. And that I—I made you think I hated you. You have every right to hate me.”

“You annoy the hell out of me, but I don’t hate you.”

His lips twitch, but a few tears slide down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” She takes his hand off the rail and smoothes her thumb across his knuckles. “You can make it up to me by getting me out of here.”

“I can do that.” He kisses the top of her head and hits the remote to call for the nurse.

“You can really kiss me, y’know. I’m not gonna break.”

He’s hesitant, but slowly lowers his head to press his lips to hers. He’s timid, and his lips are still damp from tears, but it’s more relieving than either of them would ever admit.

The nurse ends their moment when she pops in the room, pushing a wheelchair in front of her. “Hi, you must be y/n’s friend.”

“Friend?” He peers down at y/n, suggestion lacing the word. “Care to explain?”

“Not really, I’m so tired.”

“Mhm.” He clicks his tongue, supporting her arm as she swings her legs off the bed. Once she’s standing and steady, he tucks her hair behind her ear and bends down so his mouth can graze her lobe. “Since we’re just friends, I guess you’ll have to sleep on my ugly couch.”

#requests #requested #harry styles writing #harry styles blurb #cherryyharryy

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

Text

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

I need to talk about the Avengers.

I just want to express how much I hate that the Avengers aren’t on the hook for all their time travel nonsense bc they were “supposed to” do it and Loki is on the hook bc he wasn’t.

I mean, I am glad that they addressed it right away - that Loki was inadvertantly caught up in the Avengers' time meddling, and that apparently they were doing what they were supposed to and that's why none of them were on trial, but - there are two things going on here that I have issue with. One is, of course, the scapegoating of Loki once a-fucking-gain, but the other is that there's a legitimate problem inherent in framing the Avengers' deeds as The Right Thing So There Are No Consequences, especially because it directly leads to Loki (and only Loki) being scapegoated since, apparently, someone's got to answer for all of this.

Why Were The Avengers Supposed to Undo the Snap??

Of all the possible options they could have gone with (such as reversing time back to just before the Snap happened), going back through time to gather the stones and use them to undo things five years later is, like, one of the worst?? Best case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously incompetent in managing the sacred timeline and worst case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously adept in managing the sacred timeline, if their goal is to have it be the worst possible timeline anyone could end up in.

The Avengers may have done an arguably good thing in undoing the Snap - I don't disagree that those people should've lived - but they also royally fucked over a lot of things in the process and left Earth (and presumably many many other worlds) in total post-Snap chaos while fucking off to die be with their families and/or start new lives.

This goes back to the plan itself. One of my many issues with Endgame is that not only is the plan convoluted and, frankly, stupid, but also I have a real problem with the concept of the Avengers just saving the world as they see fit, regardless of whether or not that's actually the best thing to do. (If the Russos hadn't done such a shit job with explaining what the Accords were actually supposed to do, then maybe this could have been addressed somehow - like, okay, together we may have the brains and resources to carry off this plan but does that mean we're the ultimate authority on whether or not we should? Maybe we should check with, like, the UN or something about this? [and it’s entirely possible the UN was mentioned and I have forgotten it bc I’ll be honest, I watched Endgame once and have bitched about it ever since.] I digress.)

The narrative in Endgame and into the MCU beyond plays like the Avengers only care about saving the world when they stand to personally gain from it (they want their friends and family back, they want to feel like they didn't fail, they have unilaterally decided that what they want is the Best Thing for everyone) and once the Good Deed is done and the smoke clears from the battlefield, there's no concern with saving the mess of the world they created.

TFatWS addressed so many of the problems with the post-reverse-Snap, which implies that the MCU (both in-universe and out) is aware that things are fucked up now. People's lives were literally ruined by what the Avengers did. Refugees are displaced. Humans are coming back to a world where they've been dead for five years and their loved ones have moved on and their homes have been sold and their bank accounts have been closed and they have no jobs. And that’s just on Earth. Yet no one (again, both in-universe and out) feels the need to hold the Avengers accountable for any of this.

Plus, what about the people who died as a result of the Snap but not from the Snap directly? What about the planes that fell from the sky when the pilots turned to dust? The cars that crashed and collided when the drivers poofed? Etc. Like, fuck all of those people I guess?

And who, exactly, is "supposed to" clean up the Avengers' mess now that the actual Avengers are either dead, old and living on the moon, or retired? Is it on Sam's shoulders alone (or, rather, Sam and Bucky's)? Is Peter Parker (yknow, the 15 year old Nick Fury went and recruited bc there was no one else) supposed to be fixing things?

The TVA takes responsibility for none of this. They sit back in their nightmare DMV-esque office and claim that all is as it should be but my question remains: please explain to me how the outcome of the post-Snap universe is ultimately satisfactory to anyone besides the Avengers?

There's also the fact that Loki figures out right away that the Avengers were engaging in some time travel shenanigans ("the cologne of two Tony Starks is hard to miss” lmfao Loki you snarky shit). Loki recognizes that there's been an opportunity created of which he can take advantage, but he isn't responsible for creating it. The Avengers messed up and created that opportunity so, even if they were supposed to be doing what they were doing, there are still no consequences for the fact that they made a mistake that allowed Loki to then branch off and create a new timeline.

Let's also say that we accept that the Avengers were supposed to undo the Snap exactly as they did. Okay, sure. BUT:

- Was Steve, then, also supposed to decide to fuck back off to the 1940s and marry Peggy (which created two Steves, right? The one who was married to Peggy all along and the one who was in the ice?? The TVA is just okay with two Steves?)?

- What is the actual point of Stephen Strange having the time stone and using the time stone both to gain the advantage over Darmammushumuuyourmom (I’m sorry, I can’t remember his real name) and to look at all the possible timelines to figure out how to defeat Thanos?

- How is it possible that there are 14 million potential timelines in which the Avengers failed if the TVA’s entire thing is that there can only be one true ring timeline to rule them all? The fact that Stephen can look ahead and determine so many outcomes based on the choices they're making would mean that people do have free will and that their actions aren't automatically dictated by what's “supposed to” happen. They had to make the right choices in order to get to the one timeline in which Thanos failed.

- What’s the point of Stephen having to protect the time stone, anyway, if there are presumably a few others in Casey’s drawer?

- On that note, if there are a lot of infinity stones hanging around in the TVA’s desk drawers, what makes the original six the specific, correct ones that Thanos had to collect in order to pull off the Snap and why is it then those specific six the ones that the Avengers had permission to go back through time to get in order to undo the Snap as the Timekeepers intended?

- And actually, in fact, if there’s only one sacred timeline and anyone who fucks it up without permission gets “reset” (aka made nonexistent, along with their timeline branch) then, again, why does Stephen have to protect the time stone? Either anyone who steals it was supposed to, or their timeline gets eliminated and the theft ceases to matter.

- Less significant but also still kinda significant is how Agents of SHIELD figures into all of this. The TVA knows that Loki killed Coulson but they don't know (or don't care?) that Coulson was brought back to life and proceeded, with his team, to go on and get heavily involved in time travel and going back and forth and bringing people from the past into the present? So the TVA is okay with Daniel Sousa leaving his timeline but not with Loki leaving his?

... I have literally confused myself with all of this, so if anyone followed my train of thought here, congratulations and maybe you can explain it to me lmao.

But here's my ultimate point: the sacred timeline that the TVA is tasked with maintaining is not sensical or linear. It's full of gaps and holes and people taking matters into their own hands to determine both their own fates and the fates of others. As a result, a lot of people suffer kinda needlessly based on the events in said timeline, and apparently it's perfectly fine for all of this nonsense to occur so that everyone else has some element of control -

- but Loki is literally the only one who is told uh, actually, no, you are supposed to live a shitty life and die a pointless death and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it bc it's supposed to happen.

What in the actual fuck kind of logic is that???

Thus, either the TVA (and the Timekeepers) are grossly incompetent, or else they're extremely competent and also really fucking shitty beings who just enjoy the needless suffering of others.

And somehow this is all Loki's fault!!

And then Mobius has the fucking audacity to say, to Loki's face, “you only exist to prop up everyone else and you, Loki Odinsonson Laufeyson mischief god and king of space lol, do not have any inherent worth or value as your own person. You were born to be a scapegoat and you will die a scapegoat and there's no getting around that, if we have anything to say about it.”

To quote Loki, in a very twisted way - yes, it's funny. It's absurd.

Does, uh, does this make sense? At some point I crossed over from meta-writing into straight up ranting and so, well, here we are.

#loki tv series spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki spoilers #loki series: glass half empty #loki series: glass half full #loki pokey artichokey #loki series meta #so. many. tags. ugh #i no longer know what my point was #i'm sorry #so it begins #the rambly nonsensical meta lmao #some of you tell me sometimes that you enjoy my meta and my takes and i just #i love you but srsly who is paying you bc #*waves helplessly at the above word vomit*#loki series negativity #not really negativity so much as criticism (that i think is valid) but yknow fandom #also i recognize all of this as issues that i - if no one else - have a problem with #but i still liked the show????#i am not hating at all #i am just acknowledging that this whole premise is fucked up and i'm not sure if it's supposed to be #or if the writers just don't realize all of the implications in their decisions #to be fair i'm sure that they're working with what they had - ie the original nonsensical endgame events #but is this really the *best* they could do? cause i beg to differ that they were written into this small of a corner #ANYWAY #i gotta go do some actual work now #tag rambles

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galacticlamps · 3 years

Text

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room.

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

#jamie mccrimmon #second doctor #big finish #Short Trips: Deleted Scenes #yes i am gonna tag this #two/jamie #i think it earned it with the line from celine's letter if nothing else #and quite possibly the doctor's so-called imprudent & pain-driven spying #but i'll leave it at that #in case anyone's looking at the tags to decide if they should actually read this rambling monster of a post #also if you for some reason read this but haven't listened to the audio -#a) that's kind of you to care what i have to say but #b) you could probably have listened to half of it by now lol #did i mention it's a stand-alone audio that only costs $3?#and it's more of a traditional audio book format with one narrator who voices all the characters?#sorry i wasn't ready to do a bf pitch in the tags here #i genuinely dont know why someone who hasn't already heard it would bother to read all this #but if anyone has - thanks?#i'll shut up now so you can get on w ur day :)

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honeypirate · 3 years

Text

What’s a Carnival w/o a Kiss?

Nishinoya, Tendou, Kuroo, and Bokuto visit you at your kissing booth.

Fem reader

Choose your character ending!!

Your best friends name is Mina bc I��m watching MHA and needed a name.

Not edited.

When they approved your VBC kissing booth you were shocked. You thought for sure it would be denied but apparently they thought it would be fun. “What’s the harm in a kiss?” The principle had said while following it up by stating if anyone was truly uncomfortable they didn't have to participate, it was the person’s choice to participate in the kissing booth.

You spent the day preparing the booth and painting it for the carnival tomorrow. You were nervous about it even though the kissing booth was your idea. You only suggested it becasue you thought it would be a great way to raise money since everyone on the girls and boys teams were well know. Plus you thought you could get out of it. nope, if your best friend Mina was participating there was no way she would let you out of it since she knew if you were really uncomfortable with it you wouldnt have thought of the idea yourself. “Too bad so sad” she said while you poured. The girls team would be the ones in the booth Saturday morning and the boys in the booth in the afternoon. Your time was scheduled for noon and youd be in there for fifteen minutes.

You werent just nervous because you had to kiss people, but what if no one wanted to kiss you? What if the entire fifteen minutes you had no one would show up? Just lines and lines for Mina who was right after you. You would feel so embarrassed and it might wreck your self esteem. You sigh and wipe off a bit of paint where you spilled and fixed your other mistakes.

“This looks amazing y/n!” (Noya/tendou/kuroo/Bo) said as he came over to you and you laughed softly “really? Thanks. It isnt hard though it’s just two colors” he laughs and picks up the paint brush with red on the end and placed a bit on your nose and you gasp, your cheeks flushing “doesnt mean you arent good at it!” he says and you smile softly. Somehow just his presence seemed to calm you down “thank you” you said softly and he nods with a grin. you take the white and paint a stripe down his cheek and then giggle as he gasps in shock.

Somehow in the paint fight ended up with him holding your hands above your head and painting doodles on your face while you chuckled and stared up at him. He was so pretty, you didnt get much time to appreciate his looks but you thanked whatever gods were above for this chance

“Hey! Save it for the booth!” His Coach calls out and you feel your face flush as he just laughs above you and rolls off you “sorry coach!” he replies and you avoid eye contact, too embarrassed for being caught goofing off.

“The booth is going to be amazing tomorrow” he says and helps you wash your brushes. “I hope so” you whisper softly, your anxieties coming back. When you’re done you walk him to the gym door so he can head to practice “Hey” he says softly and you look up at him “i’ll see you at the booth tomorrow, okay?” he says with a grin and it makes your stomach flop and your heart race. Your cheeks feel warm as you smile back at him “i’ll-” you clear your throat so you can sound more confident and then grin “i’ll be looking forward to it”

You couldnt sleep, nervous for the kissing booth but now you were nervous because you knew at least ONE person would be there in your line. You didnt even care if you had no other people who wanted to kiss you because you knew your crush was going to be there. At least you hoped that was what he meant.

That morning you made sure you wore your favorite outfit and put on a little perfume, you did your hair your favorite way so you could have more confidence in yourself and at the end of getting ready you felt actually really good about yourself. You looked in the mirror and smiled, maybe today would be the day you would kiss your crush.

Mina shaked your shoulders and squealed “are you ready?!” she said and pushed you towards the booth you had been abiding all day a long “nooooo” is his you respond and she just laughs. “Time to switch!” she sings and your Captain laughs at the boos that Mina get and she waves “sorry boys” she says and pats your shoulder as she exits the booth “good luck” she says and you smile and swallow hard. “Now it’s time for y/n!” Mina sings and you walk through the booth, pausing for a moment when you hear whistles and cheers which was the opposite of what you were expecting. You take a seat on the stool and feel your cheeks flush as the first boy steps up and hands you a red ticket and then presses his lips to yours for a second.

After five minutes kissing didnt even feel like kissing anymore. You lost count of the people who wanted to kiss you but after a few more minutes the line ends and you get a break. You look at your phone to check how much time you have left. 4 minutes to go. You felt your heart begin to shrink when you thought he wouldn’t come. You were distracted by a text from Mina you didnt notice someone approaching until he spoke.

Nishinoya

“Is this booth open?” he asks with a chuckle and your eyes snap up as a smile spreads across your lips “i thought you werent gonna make it” you say with a lilt in your voice and he laughs “how could i miss this? I get to kiss the most beautiful girl not to mention my long time crush” you feel your cheeks flush “i've been waiting for you all day, not to mention i won you this!” he pulls up a small teddy bear and your eyes widen with a chuckle “really! That’s so sweet Noya!” he gets a little nervous now, he confessed his feelings and you didn't say anything about it yet. He feels his face flush as he fumbles with his ticket in his hands. “So.. uh.. Yeah” he says and rocks on his toes as he looks at his ticket. You laugh and hold out your left hand for the ticket with a small smile. He grins as his cheeks dust darker pink as he places the piece of paper gently in your palm. You hop off the stool and lean across the booth to cup his cheek “i’ve been waiting all day for you” you whisper and then you press your lips to his.

Your lips softly rest against his for a moment before you’re pulling back “no, wait” he says softly and cups your cheeks, pulling them back to his own. His tongue touches your bottom lip and you meet it with your own, deepening the kiss and humming in happiness as your lips move together

“Hello?!” the boy behind him asks annoyed and you pull apart with blushing cheeks “sorry guys y/n’s time is over!” Mina says from behind you. You dont know when she appeared but you felt embarrassed anyway. You wave to the long line of guys that had appeared and they all looked mad as Nishinoy just looked like he was in heaven as he walked around the side of the booth to meet you at the back. “Hi” you say shyly and he smiles “hi beautiful” he says you blush “I really like you, Yuu” you whisper with a shy laugh and he takes your hand, lacing your fingers together. “I would hope so! You kissed me like it!” you laugh and rock your shoulder into his playfully “wanna go get some cotton candy?” he asks and you laugh “yes! That sounds amazing. Then maybe we could ride the ferris wheel”

Tendou

“Helloooo” he says happily while waving his ticket slowly in front of your phone “aren’t phones against the rules?” you laugh and roll your eyes “you’re here” you say softly and he smiles and runs a hand through his hair “here i am!” he says with a laugh that shows his anxiety. You take his ticket and then reach up and run your hands through his hair “can i tell you something?” you ask, grateful there isn’t anyone behind him right now. He nods, his ruby eyes shining as they stare into yours “I’ve been waiting for you Satori” you say and laugh shyly and he cups your cheeks, pressing his lips against yours softly. Its soft and sweet and when you pull back he’s pulling your lips back to his again and again, quickly peppering kisses against your lips as you chuckle. “Tendou?” he kisses you and hums in response “maybe” kiss kiss “we should” more kisses “tendou!” mina shouts and he pulls back to look behind you as he still holds your face “take her away, her time is over” tendou shouts for joy and hops through the booth window, taking your hand and leading you away as you chuckle “lets get some lunch and talk about how much you love me” he says and you laugh “sounds good to me” you respond and squeeze his hand. He looks to you with a gasp before his face turns into a grin “and obviously i’ll talk about how much i love you back. It wont just be about me” you laugh “i know, i could tell how much you liked me from those kisses”

Kuroo

“Hey there cutie” he says and you laugh as you shove your phone in your pocket. He always had a way of taking away all your anxiety. You smile up at him as he hands you a red ticket. “Glad you could finally make it Tetsu” you joke as you take his ticket, placing it in the basket with all the others. “I told you id be here” he said with a smile as he leaned his elbows on the booth and smiled at you now he was your height. “And here i thought you were just waiting to kiss all the girls” he hums and reaches out to tuck your hair behind your ear “nah, i only wanna kiss you. I mean, why would i want to kiss anyone else when i have you?” you hop off the stool and lean closer “and how are you sure you even have me?” you whisper and he cups your cheek softly “you have no idea how bad I am hoping” he says, his eyes showing how much vulnerability he is hiding with his teasing “same here” you whisper as he cups your cheeks and presses his lips to yours. The kiss ends sooner than you hoped but the way he is smiling melts your heart “are you done here yet?” he asks with a chuckle and mina behind you yells out “yes! She is! Go on!” she ushers you out of the booth. He holds his hand out to you and you take it with a smile, lacing your fingers together “I guess you were right” you say and he laughs “about what?’ he asks and you squeeze his hand as a blush dusts your cheeks “you have me”

Bokuto

“Hey!” he shouts and you look up at him “no hey hey hey?” you ask as you stand from the stool and smile. He laughs and scratches behind his head “i’m just a little nervous” he says with a shy laugh “hey” you say softly and he meets your eye with his cheeks blushing “I was really hoping you’d come” you say softly, your heart racing. “Really?” he asks and leans forward, placing his ticket on the booth edge and you laugh with a nod. You raise your hand and use your finger to tell him to come closer which he does with a smile and you cup his cheek with one hand while leaning into his opposite ear “i really, really like you Kou” you whisper and he hums in excitement “i like you too!” he says and you laugh “maybe i should kiss you now” he says and you nod as you feel yourself get twice as nervous. He cups your cheeks “so beautiful” he whispers before he presses his lips to yours. You hum at the same time and then chuckle as you kiss him deeper. He pulls back and you chuckle as you wipe his bottom lip with your thumb. Mina taps your shoulder “you’re done hun, now go get your man” she says and you laugh as you make your way around to Bo who excitedly takes your hand “do you wanna maybe turn this into a date?” he asks and you smile with a nod “I’d love that Kou”

~ending~

You spend the whole day with him and watch the sunset form the Ferris wheel, stopping right at the top for you guys. “Wait” you say and turn to him “weren’t you supposed to be in the kissing booth too?” You ask and he chuckles softly “yeah I ditched. I don’t want to kiss anyone else but you” you smile, your cheeks flushing and heart dancing at his words “well if I knew that in the beginning” you say with a laugh and he cups your cheek “you only wanna kiss me too?” He asks softly, his eyes drifting to your lips as you nod. “Then maybe you should be my girl” he says and you laugh “yeah maybe I should” you say just before his lips press against yours for the umpteenth time already today, sending warm fuzzies to your heart and spawned more butterflies you were sure to fly out and into his mouth.

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bouncyballcitadel · 3 years

Text

Chapter 6 Messages!

Sorry for being super late on this, but here’s a compilation of all the messages I’ve gotten about Chapter 6. Thank you so much for sending these in--I love you all very much! :)

Under the cut to prevent it from being a giant block of text lol

I have an online exam in an hour and playing the updated game really help me relax well sort of since that surgery scene kinda makes me nervous like holy shit Anyway the update is AHMAZING! I really love it(♡ω♡ ) ~♪

Hehe, I’m glad I managed to capture (even if just a little bit) how nerve-wracking surgery can be…especially when something goes wrong. Hope your exam went well!

Ho dear lord, the update was amazing to much adrenaline for me 😭 thank you so much bouncy for your hard work !

HAHA, what’s Citadel without your heart pounding every chapter (from drama or from the ROs)?

Hi!! I love the new update! I was wondering if it’s impossible to be on time to surgery with Dr. Grey if we eat with Jean? I tried not even asking Jean anything and I was still late lol

Unfortunately, if you decide to eat with Jean you’ll always be late to the surgery. Just wanted to capture some of the very real trade-offs in medicine hehe

me, having to reload a save every time i answer a question incorrectly or do the wrong thing during the surgery: ah shit, here we go again 🧍

Even Dr. Grey and Vic aren’t immune to time travel hehe

Hello! Chapter 6 is AMAZING we love the surprise drop and I think I"m in love with everyone in this game. Small potential error report? When talking to Eli at the vending machine, it reads "She expression is so gentle". Okay thank you

Ah, thank you for sending me the error! Will fix this in the Chapter 6 soft update.

oh my god that chapter !!! I don't remember the last time I was so immersed in a story. somehow i didn't mess up (sure twice or thrice it was pure luck with guesswork but shh) other than uhhh passing out bc who needs nutrition (the moment with Eli was worth it) ...... making mistakes on my second playthrough on purpose made me feel so bad for my poor second MC the poor guy has a pure heart but embarrassed himself so badly (at least HE didn't pass out tho....)

LOL! I love how you played your two MCs completely differently haha! At least Vic gave you orange juice if you passed out.

Really enjoyed the new chapter! Specially the Uhmm walking on pins and needles around Vic and *twirls hair* eyeing their biceps and Yk faceplanting at the end of surgery 😣 but is okay because I know big scary attending isn’t that scary. Those big strong arms *will* cradle (1) overworked intern one day. Also as someone who knows zilch of medicine, the surgery stuff was fun play through!

Yay, I’m glad you enjoyed the surgery sequence! One of my goals was to balance between keeping it medically realistic but also engaging to the reader. And, yes, Vic…as Marsha said in Chapter 6, “Big, bad chief. I see right through you.” ;)

Ok just now playing that Eli / Davy tension and it is *chefs kiss*. MC ready to board the workspouse train and Eli having their lil texting anxiety? Author you are evil 😌 also I the player haven’t chosen a first route yet so my MC is just the biggest hoe rn, anyone in scrubs will be pined and flirted with, and I kinda love it 😆

Tbh, that’s me whenever I play a choice game so you have my full support. Lol, sneaking in little jealous Eli tidbits is one of my favorite parts of writing Citadel. ;)

Where were Vic's big strong arms to catch me when I passed the fuck out? Also, damn you for making me pay attention? I'm a speed reader so I miss little details like ages and stuff.

-cackles-

Unfortunately, Vic’s big strong arms were busy sowing up Ms. Lin’s abdomen, but maybe one day, eh?

What kinda weak sauce intern are we? Huh? You skip lunch and just drink coffee for breakfast and then pass out? Punk bitch. I haven't eaten in two days and I only feel a little like I'm gonna pass out. I could beat MC in a fight confirmed. (/j)

LMAO, please nourish yourself. Bwahaha, probably my favorite option in the “try not to pass out sequence” is “summon all willpower and force yourself not to pass out.” It’s hilarious when that doesn’t work.

me eying the mental health bar like 🙃

This will become very relevant in Case 3…

does mc faint in the surgery room specifically because they didn’t eat enough or do they faint no matter what? if it’s the former, will the mc’s eating habits continue to be noted throughout the game or was it just a one time thing? i really enjoy that taking care of yourself, and consequently not doing so, has an actual impact on the character and story, if that’s the case

The MC will faint or not faint depending on how many “snack points” you rack up (hint: you have to make very specific decisions to get enough snack points, sometimes at the expense of other stats in the game). This will probably be a one time thing, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be little stat checks like this in the future that might have major consequences on your reputation. ;)

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