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actualbird · 3 years

Note

Crawls in here once again since the week is almost over and i thought of another ask that might be fun, what r ur thoughts on nxx team at a haunted house (amusement park or otherwise www) -Marsh

ELLO, MARSH!!!! thank you so much for this ask!! answering this was so much fun :DDDD

okay so i decided to forgo amusement park haunted house bc artem already does that in SSR Loving Memories so we Know how he is in a recreational haunted house (aka rambling about SAFETY REGULATIONS why is this man like this smh) n i dont wanna be redundant SOOOO

nxx team for some reason have to go into an abandoned house that is heavily rumored to be haunted as hell. theyre on....an investigation. and they all have to be there all at once....dont think about it too much, i sure didnt HAHA

in the tradition of scooby doo, somebody suggests "let's split up, gang!" for utmost hilarity and also because a grp of five people goin thru a house like a pack of meerkats is a bit silly KJJSKGSF

so here are my proposed teams: vyn + mc + artem, luke + marius

my rationalization for these teams is because each team needs a "supernatural skeptic/person who isnt scared" to balance out the one in the team thats like "supernatural MAYBE this place is CREEPY n im A BIT SCARED do NOT JUDGE ME/im NOT scared i just HATE THIS"

vyn + mc + artem

vyn and artem are the staunch skeptics who are balancing out mc's jumpiness and mc would like it ON THE RECORD that she doesnt believe in ghosts but she gets jumpy sometimes!!! in her defense this place is CREEPY AS HELLS

so like while theyre going through rooms looking for whatever theyre looking for, vyn and artem are trying to comfort her in their own specific way

artem goes and rambles about the non-spooky explanations for all the rumors of this house, people like to go to the easiest explanation for unexplained things, though the easiest route isnt necessarily the most logical one---

vyn serenely tells mc Well, Actually the perception of supernatural quite often comes not from reality but from the outwards manifestation of a person's personal fears so it's less indicative of a place and more indicative of the person themselves---

and vyn and artem are trying to be the More Rational Person

mc, internally: (guys...i know you guys are trying....but it's NOT EXACTLY....HELPING....)

because honestly what mc needs right now isnt people telling her how her fears are absolutely nothing to worry about. what she needs is just her two friends being there for her even thru her irrational fears

eventually vyn and artem do clue into this and actually start being NOT IDIOTS about being good haunted house exploration partners but they only clue into this AFTERRRR each of them get SPOOKED AS HELL FIRST they gotta get a taste of their own medicine.

it's very funny to me that both vyn and artem have Really Good Aim (vyn with bow and arrow, artem with GUN) so when a sudden creak happens outta nowhere theyre both like O_O and then IMMEDIATELY throwing the first thing they can find at the noise

vyn throws a pen like a frigging javelin and artem just throws his wholeass phone, so much for rationality, huh, fellas?

the noise turns out to be luke and marius, stumbling upon their team, and thanks to vyn and artem's great aim, both those items hit luke hard in the face

well thats one way to get rid of mc's fear, because she bursts into a peal of giggles

but how were luke + marius doing before coming across them?

marius is DEAD FUCKING SILENT the moment the team splits up and luke is like "huh, didnt take marius for somebody who believed in ghosts" but luke doesnt bring it up because this doesnt seem like a light kind of spooked that luke would want make fun of.

like marius is pale, his breathing is shallow, his clenched fists are in his jacket pockets but luke can see that his hands are trembling

so luke fills the silence with investigation talk to get marius' mind of it, and luke is glad it works a little bit, even if marius' replies are monosyllabic. luke glances at marius and sees that the fear in his eyes has been replaced by his Thinking Gaze and great awesome

until they get to a room that is just. wayyyy fucking colder and darker than the rest of the house

and marius' fear slams back into him like a battering ram. he doesnt jerk back through the open doorway though, he just kind of stands there and luke is like "uh. you dont have to go in if youre scared---"

"i am not scared," marius grits out because come on. hes gotten over this, hasnt he? [spoilers for marius ssr in the darkness] fine, whatever, he had a bad time as a kid with cold dark places but mc had helped him get through it, back then, in the cave on nosta. surely one good experience is enough to completely erase a childhood fear that has followed him all the way to adulthood?

(no. it isnt. it helps, but sometimes it's not enough)

[spoilers for marius ssr in the darkness] back in that cave, marius admitted to mc why he was acting the way he was but he sure as hell isnt going to tell LUKE, NO SIREE, MARIUS IS FINE, marius trudges into the horrible room as he valiantly ignores just all the terrible alarm bells going off in and luke just like.

oh it's not ghosts he's scared of it's. the dark

luke doesnt exactly Know Completely what the Best Way is to comfort the other members of the team (theyre all cagey motherfuckers one way or another but hey, hes a cagey motherfucker too) but he cant like...not do anything. marius obviously doesnt want to be called out but luke wants to help anyway so he has to find a way to ground marius while also giving marius an excuse aaaaand----

luke clears his throat, extending his hand towards marius in the darkness of the room. "this place is old, the floor is uneven. i think it'll be better if we uh. held onto each other, so we dont trip up."

thank GOD THIS ROOM IS DARK because marius feels his face go a little warm but fuck it, yes, he would rlly like this, so he's like FINE and then holds luke's hand

ABSOLUTE SILENCE FROM BOTH OF THEM AFTER THIS, THEYRE JUST INVESTIGATING NOW WITH NO WORDS

but luke notices that marius' trembling hand stops shaking for a moment when luke squeezes his hand.

and they get thru their half of the house, hands linked the entire way, and they meet up with the others and luke gets projectiles thrown at his face

mc's laughter and the split second chaos is the perfect distraction to let go of luke's hand and nobody notices. nobody has to know. NOBODY

and of course they find whatever thing they were looking for KJBKJSDKFGS anyway in conclusion: the nxx team would be a disaster in a haunted house but theyve got each other's backs :D

#sorry not sorry for the vague marluke HAHA ive been a bit bonkers over them lately...#tears of themis #luke pearce #marius von hagen #Marsh!anon

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dolliedarlin · 3 years

Note

Be4 reading this take into consideration are over the age of 18? It’s rlly not to bad but the Subject is slightly vulgar! You’ve been warned ;)

Yea- also there maybe some grammatical errors mb in advance

Alr picture this, you/y/n is getting gangbanged by the bakusquad

(For starters let’s just say y/n isn’t a virgin)

y/n is a female btw

Mina and Denki would 100% be in charge of 4play I just know it, y/n would be on all fours and Mina would be in between her legs (won’t go into detail because u said censored hehe but I think Yk) while Denki is on his knees in front of y/ns face pretty sure Yk where that goes.....After they do they’re thing with y/n overstimulating tf outta her and all, Sero Kiri and Bakugou would obviously want sum but, Mina and Denki being stingy wouldn’t budge

Side note: I think Sero and Bakugou r the main tops

Mina seems like a top as well and Denki and kiri give off switch vibes in my opinion (lmk what YOU think :)

Oh and y/n Issa sub Lmao

Anyway, Mina and Denki would have to be pried away from y/ns body or Sero, Kiri and Bakugou wouldn’t even get a chance with her-

Sooooooooooooooooooo

TW: double penetration well rlly it’s triple but whatever lol

We all know there are 3 holes and there’s 3 of them (Sero,Kiri,Bakugou) 😏.

I cant go into detailllllllllllllll

I’m not a smut writer but it’s been in my brain for a hot minute ;).

thank you so much for providing that warning, dollface! i would like to reiterate it now, too, please, if you are a minor, do not interact with this post, do not read it or like it or reblog it, none of that please, thank you!

even though this is uncharacteristic of me, i wanted to add onto this ask, hence why it took me so long to reply, i’m sorry about that, dollface! but i here’s a little snippet of a potential smut??? wish my luck on its execution bc i don't really have the time to edit everything right now for grammatical or spelling mistakes as i'm off to bed. nevertheless, i hope you enjoy what i've tried to write!

again, minors please don’t interact with this post! thank you!

It was hot. You were caught up in everything and constantly took up the space in the middle of everyone. Their eyes were on you, devouring the delicious curves of your body; scorching your supple, naked skin with their heated gaze. Marking you as theirs. All of theirs.

Mina holds you close as she sets about devouring your mouth, both of you almost competing to moan the loudest as Kaminari presses into you from behind, trailing soft kisses across the delicate expanse of your exposed shoulder, sucking and nibbling at some points. The touch of his lips are subtle but lovingly meaningful. It’s a complete contrast to the frenzied but masterful work of his hands at your most intimate part. One hand urging your leg to open as the other played with your velvet folds.

“You’re soaked,” the blonde whispers into your ear, breathy and electrified. He hums in thought, “I bet you taste sweet,” at that point, you open your eyes to squint at the muted red light of the room but quickly roll your eyes back when hits that sweet spot before reaching up to have a taste of you on his fingers.

“How does she taste?” Kirishima calls, his voice low and slow, like a sensual dance meant to seduce onlookers. And seduce he did; you felt yourself clench around Kaminari’s stretching fingers.

“Oh?” Kaminari chuckles lowly, ignoring the red-head’s question, “What was that?” you didn’t answer despite Mina setting your lips free with a lick of her lips as she lowers herself paint your neck purple and pink. “Did you like hearing Kirishima’s voice?...” you whimpered, “don’t tell me you forgot they were there the whole time?”

Mina giggles into the juncture of your neck, “they can’t take their eyes off of you,” she looks up and stares into your eyes deeply just as Kaminari picks up the pace with his fingers, earning a sultry moan from you, “I’m sure they’re just dying to have you, right now,” she pauses and bites her lip, “but they need to be a little more patient,”

“It’s gonna be a long night,”

In that moment, caught up between Mina and Kaminari, you look to the side to find the three remaining men leaning back into the sofa as they shamelessly displayed the obvious tents between their legs, eyes never leaving your form as they burnt your image into their minds. You looked oh so delectable. They couldn’t wait until it was their turn to have their fun.

#love; dollie #possible p.a smut #just having a little try at writing something new #hope you guys like it #again #MDI #minors don't interact

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robinrequiems · 3 years

Text

hey any1 want some superman jon and batman Damian hcs? too bad cause you’re getting them

• damian realized why no one wanted to be batman when he turned 18 and Bruce decided to give him batman when he was 22.

• jon realized why jon didn’t want to be superman when he also turned 18

• oh and right, by gave, I mean bruce sorta can’t be batman anymore. medical reasons…

• damian sorta uh. persuaded clark into giving jon superman.

Damian: look. I don’t wanna be worlds finest with you, old man.

Clark: im- im not old—

Damian: listen here, jon and i? we are gonna surpass you and my dad. so give it to jon and let me prove it.

Clark: this doesn’t seem like a good idea— you aren’t ready— neither is jon

Damian: wait- wait, you don’t believe in your son and i??? wow. WOOOW. okay. i see.

Clark: that’s not it!-

Damian: sure. sure. don’t worry. I see now.

Clark: wait I do!

Damian: no, no you don’t.. it’s— it’s okay, I get it, it’s me, huh?

Clark: no!

Damian: I get it

Clark: please i do! I’ll - oh my rao, you’re playing me

Damian: i am. i cant do this without jon though. please, Clark.

Clark: *sigh, how did he get manipulated by a kid he used to babysit* okay.

• okay so now jon may be a little overwhelmed because one day he’s flamebird, the next, he’s becoming superman? huH. it’s extremely uh. worrying. and really just? wow.

• does Damian feel bad? oh yeah. he does. so bad. but he really can’t do it alone. they always dreamed of being their parents. or being better than them. but they grew up and realized that they really didn’t want to be their parents.

• but here they were, getting fitted for their suits and adding their own details to it.

jon: hey, you look hot

damian: please. shut up.

• they could do this. they could do this. shoot they can’t do this.

• damians own anxiety was going 50 mph. look, okay? remember before heretic when Bruce thought that Damian would become a satanic batman and basically rain hell all over gotham? yeah. that’s what is going on in damians mind.

• he doesn’t want to be that. ( “you won’t be like that, cmon, d, we’re gonna be better.” ) and how Damian wants to believe jon so bad..

• he doesn’t want to become obsessed with Batman like his father did, he still wants to have a life. he doesn’t want to isolate himself away and adopt kids as a coping mechanism. that’s why he needs jon to be superman. jon helps him, he helps him not go off into his own little world and stay there. he believes that with Jon, he’ll be okay. he has to be. maybe he uses jon as his own coping mechanism, but that isn’t the point.

• together, they will outshine their parents. the supersons can do this. they are the next generation, and it’s not like they are alone. they have so many other people to help them. they’ll be okay.

• they have been preparing for this their whole life, but they both feel like they got it too soon. they thought they had more time. Damian does feel guilty when he hears jon talking about how stressed he is about superman and not living up to whatever the hell he has to live up to, but Damian does fear what would. or could. have happened if he didn’t have jon with him. becoming batman took a lot out of him, more than he would like to admit. he just got constant flashbacks to heretic and that whole fiasco he thought he put behind him a loong time ago.

Jon: are you sure you’re okay?

Damian: yes idiot, quit worrying.

Jon: I’ll always worry about, d.

• jon somehow becomes MORE sappier when he becomes superman.

• okay, also, funny story. ( Clark and Bruce don’t find it funny AT ALL ) superman and batman? yeah they sorta kissed after an almost alien invasion. in their suits. uh. in front of an alien who they were arresting for the green lanterns. most people believe that when people say it, it’s a lie, kidding. no they don’t. there were pictures.

bruce: you want to explain this?

damian: not really, no.

• the public knows there’s a new Batman and Superman since yk. Jon’s face is public and was seen as superboy flamebird and now superman, and batman was slightly smaller and had some different moves

• but here’s their main line up: batman ( dami wamie, obvi ), superman ( jonnyboy kent ), nobody ( maya:)) ), green lantern ( tai pham, my baby boy ), lace ( wallace west 2, he goes by lace instead of flash because i said so. ), and shazam ( billy b ).

• fun fact, they have a den mother even though they are all in their 20s. poor dinah.. yeah black canary is their den mother. ( stole it from from yj )

• dinah makes sure they get their injuries checked out, train regularly, and you know. don’t blow up a building.

• again.

• ( when damian and jon were younger, in their teen years, they stupidly accidentally blowed up a building. in their defense, the building was owned by the penguin. and there were no civilians in the area. but they also got a lot of men sent after them.. oops. )

• they are very chaotic. they are the definition of dumbass energy sometimes.

• damian tries to keep the pda down whenever he’s batman, BUT JON DOESNT KNOW HOW TO DO THAT

• hence the amount of photos of jon hugging Damian or kissing him

• damian has never once initiated one in suits

• ( that one time jon almost died does not count )

Damian: thought you were gonna be batman.

Tim: nah, i don’t wanna be bruce. i saw what it did to dick. I would’ve became just like him.

Damian: am i like him??

Tim: god no, bruce would never kiss superman or date him or spray paint the new justice league logo— nice logo, by the way— onto villains bases

Damian: is that a good or bad thing?

Tim; good, that means you probably won’t be a total emotional stunted person using crime fighting as an outlet for unresolved childhood trauma.

Damian: you do realize why i became Robin right

Tim: .. not the point im trying to make. I mean now, brat.

• sometimes you can see some of the heroes dropping by to surprise kids, they heard that their old mentors used to go to children’s hospitals to visit sick kids, so they did that too. on a rare day where there isn’t any crime, which is really rare, they go to a school and talk if it’s a weekday, or they drop by an orphanage to hang out with kids.

• they have gotten into a lot of trouble though. they’re still learning how to work as a team. jon and damian are used to being solo and working with each other, Tai had tagged along a few times when they were younger and knows how they work, along with maya, but billy and Wallace do not.

• they often all get into arguments.

• damian lacks a filter and will criticize everyone if they mess up. and he often goes off alone or is too blunt.

• it takes a long time before they all realize that Damian is just: Damian, he doesnt mean to be mean. ( surprisingly )

• billy is used to being the big kid stuck at the kids table, it’s funny that he’s actually the second oldest when he used to be the youngest. ( lace is like.. 27? shazam is 25.. nobody 24. & the supersons 22. pulled all those ages outta my ass. you’re welcome. )

• dinah is also their therapist. poor dinah.

• like really giving pity to dinah. but dinah loves those kids, she has known some since they were kids. she used to take damian out for ice cream and train with him, and also babysit him. ( AUNT DINAH IS MY FAVORITE GOODBYE ). and she did the same with Jon.

• dinah actually does help a lot of them get over their trauma, not completely, but most have finally spoken about it. they began talking after they all got hit with fear gas.

• that was a bad night.

• they had almost disbanded before when they thought lace had died by the hands of captain cold. they had been arguing all day, and if they didn’t, they might’ve saved him:

• but turns out he wasn’t dead.

• but the argument was still there, and it was strong. it took a while for them to actually work together without dinah forcing them.

• then soon came another new member after maya left to go do some undercover mission for the justice league regarding some alien tech being distributed some place. it was a sad goodbye, but she would be back and she would have a place here.

• welcoming: yara flor. yara was a bit headstrong and wild. damian has screamed at her a lot and almost got into a fist fight with her before being dragged off by his boyfriend 💋

• but she settled in fine. minus the fact damian really wanted to shove a batarang up— anyways. she just had to learn teamwork and shit, she was used to being a solo and she was somewhat new. so they helped her out and she became a solid member of the team.

• sometimes damian and jon just go and sit on a rooftop like they did as kids togeyher. just alone with each other. thinking about how their life changed so quickly.

Damian: i thought we’d ruin our fathers’ legacies and plummet to the ground.

Jon: *he coughed* ..what?

Damian: yeah. i didn’t think we’d get this far, but here we are.

Jon: of course we got this far, and we’re gonna get further.

Damian: i know.

• oh yeah. so. superman. fucking proposed after they defeated darkseid. ( the battle was long, so many people were left injured and on the brick of death, Damian and jon had been separated when it all started. Damian had stayed on earth at first before going to apokolips. Damn he hadn’t seen it since he got resurrected.

Darkseid: oh. I remember you.

Damian: mhm?

Darkseid: ah yes, the little boy who was resurrected here.. the chaos share, your father used it on you.

Damian: i know. i remember what happened. I was there afterall.

Darkseid: I wonder if you are as smart as the original batman.

Damian: i am.

• damian was buying time. he was waiting for reinforcements, namely the people who had powers and could take him down. damian wasn’t stupid. he realized darkseid liked to talk. his friends were fighting off the female furys or whatever they were called. he just had to wait and entertain.

Darkseid: quite the ego there.

Damian: i saved the justice league when i was 13, i deserve to have an ego.

Darkseid: oh, you are by far more talkative than the original.

Damian: thanks.

Darkseid: not a compliment, you fool.

• yeah so. darkseid tried to kill damian, with a beam thing. Damian was about to flip away like the baddie he is, but. jon. went out and yk. took the hit. dumbass.

Damian: you have such a big hero complex.

Jon: wow I just saved you and that’s what you say?????

Damian: yes.

• anyways, after they defeat darkseid, jon pops out a ring from his pocket and asks damian to marry him on apokolips.

Damian: you seriously couldn’t wait til we got on earth?

Jon: dames you almost died. what if- what if something happens, I’ve been putting this off for so long. cmon please?

Damian: you’re seriously asking me to marry you here where, I’m pretty sure, a lot of shit happened to our parents here.

Jon: no time like the present.

Damian: fair. okay.

Jon: just okay???

Damian: im sorry, do you want me to cry or something?

Jon: ughh, you can be so extra and petty sometimes.

Damian: i am not being petty.

Jon: just because I ask you to marry me here you wanna be like “okay” and that’s it

Damian: you’re so dramatic. I’ll marry you. I wanna marry you. Better?

Jon: yeah:)

#batman Damian wayne #superman jon kent #rambles #hc #worlds finest but it’s better

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haikyutee · 4 years

Note

WAIT DO THE WHATS GOOD SWHATY IS YOUR MAN STILL AROUND PRANK W KARASUNO WISGXLFHVHV

NO CAUSE THIS IS MY FAVOIRTE ONE

daichi

would probably be driving you to get something to eat or sumn

you can’t tell me daichi don’t be driving AND a looking hot AS HELL in the process

got one hand on the steerin wheel and one on the gear shift like stop playin wit somebody feelings 😃

chile anyways so you decide to do this trend cause y’all was chillin at a stop light and traffic had been a lil busy

you whip out your phone and play the sound or whatever and he barely even glances over cause he usually doesn’t mind if you call your friend or sumn right quick

dude hears the “what’s good shawty” and he turns to YOU AND IS LIKE 😀

he knows you ain’t just do that junk in HIS mf car like you lost yo mind

HE SNATCHED THAT MESS OUT YO HAND LIKE “gimme that shit 😠”

ends up tossing it back in your lap cause you reallyyy just caught him off guard wit that 😔

if y’all end up getting ice cream and you go to lick it or whatever (some of y’all bitches bite your ice cream like huh) he’ll push the cone into your face so it gets all up in your nose for payback 😼

sugawara

OK YALL WOULD BE IN THE DAMN GROCERY STORE

this FERAL ASS BITCH IS A TICKING TIME BOMB

he already talking about some “ don’t touch anything i’m tryna get outta here quick 🙂”

DEFINITELY ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO WILL SPAZ IF YOU HOLD ONTO THE CART

y’all would be just looking in the snack isle and then when it’s time to go you’d grip the side of the cart while he pushes it and as soon as you do it he comes to a complete stop and is like “get yo hand off my shit 😃” or “GET OFF THE CART 🤬”

you’d get a few stares no lie

but you decided to do this trend while he was looking at chips or something idk

heard the facetime sound and was like wth we are in a store

as soon as the man starts talking he looks over at you SO FAST

does the face that moms do when they tell you to stop actin up in the store and says “ give me your phone. now. 👹”

tries to get it from you but you give in and tell him it was a prank

“you’re not getting SHIT for dinner lol starve 🤪”

ends up feeding you anyway unfortunately

asahi

was probably in the shower

you didn’t even mean to do it to him honestly

you were just scrolling through tiktok and it ended up playing it by accident

homeboy comes out the shower right when it plays and FREEZES

you felt his presence so you look behind you and he’s just standing there in his towel awkwardly

“🧍”

most likely just laughs it off

brings it back up before y’all sleep

you bust out laughing which kinda makes him feel better no cap

you weren’t getting defensive so that was a good sign

LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE “🌝” AFTER YOU EXPLAIN IT WAS A TIKTOK

MANS SAID SAY LESSSS AND ROLLS OVER TOLAYS ON TOP OF YOU

he a huge ass man so have fun wit that 😜

tanaka

honestly already saw it lol

i can imagine tanaka on his phone all the damn time especially when he’s home like the bitch is always in his mf hand

so you’d be sitting on a bench outside a store waiting for his sister to pick y’all up

he’s already scrolling through tiktok lmao

y’all talked for a good 15 minutes but then it was “cool down” time yk what i mean

you being on your phone you come across the trend and you’re just SO sure it’s gonna work you’re just thinking “oh yeah, this is gonna get em’ 😼”

he kinda just dies inside a little when he hears the facetime ringing like he knows you guys aren’t really talking rn but damn you really left him to his phone huh 😢

hears the voice and at first he is VISIBLY CONFUSED

forces himself to think for a split second and realizes “ohhhh it’s that video”

says “oh i saw that lol”

you know when you send someone something and they say they already saw it

yeah this is the same feeling

if you pout he’ll slide over to your end of the bench and smother you

his sister ends up having to yell at y’all to get in because you weren’t listening

nishinoya

✨pherell ✨

feral but spicy 😼

nah dude just crazy

chases you around the house

it’s like ring around the rosy but with furniture but also if he catches you you’re 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝒹

it started when you turned your phone volume up so he’d hear it from the kitchen

it ECHOES and you just cringe at how you KNOW his ass heard it 😃

USED TO BE DOING THE DISHES KEY WORDS USED TO

AS SOON AS THE CLANKING STOPPED YOU FR GOT SCARED SKSOSN

LIKE THERES NO GOING BACK NOW

you hear his footsteps and don’t even wait for him to get there you just run 🏃‍♀️ 💨

EVERYTIME YOU LOOK BEHIND YOU YOU SEE HIM “ 👹” AND ITS SCARY

I CANT BRETGW

FINALLY GRABS YOUR ARM AND YOU ALMOST HAVE A HEART ATTACK BECAUSE OF THE SUDDEN DOOM

you are QUICK to tell him it was fake

probably gives you wet willies when you least expect them throughout the rest of the day

you have to guard yourself around him now

it’s like whenever someone tickles you and then you flinch when they move because you think they’ll do it again

ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAS THE NERVE TO SAY “what’re you flinching for? 🤣😈” OH MY GOD

hinata

taking care of his sister for the weekend while his parents are on vacation

you were invited but you were going to come to his house either way because his little sister LOVES you

you get her in on it honestly

so you’re sitting on the couch and going over the plan while hinata is fixing up snacks

he can’t really hear y’all from the kitchen so it’s perfect

the plan is now in full affect

his little sister casually strolls into the kitchen and says “who’s that guy y/n is talking to?”

THIS DUMBASS RUNS TO YOU BUT TRIPS OVER HIS SISTERS SHOES SHE LEFT IN THE HALLWAY EARLIER

by the time he gets to you it’s the “what’s good shawty” and before you could turn around he grabs your phone from behind the couch and it SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU

learns it’s fake and is all like oh wooooow

complains about getting tag teamed

comes up with ways to get you back and tells his sister but she keeps tattling on him 😔

tsukishima

YALL OM SO SORRY BUT I CANT SAY NUN BOUT THIS MAN EXCEPT FOR THAT FACT THAT HED JUST BE LIKE “this bitch tried it 🙄” LIKE AJAKAKJ

i feel like you’d be hanging out at his house working on a project or something and y’all took a break

he’d hear the facetime noise and just “😐” LIKE HE KNOWS YOU AIN CALLING SOEMONE WHEN YOUR TRYINF TO FINSIH A PROJECT

heard the “what’s good shawty” and goes “pfft”

mans knows you playin because you really thought you was just gon bust that out outta nowhere

probably thinks you’re dumb 💀

like if you were actually cheating on him you’d be smart enough not to answer your other mans call right? he hopes so

pack it up mr. peabody and sherman 🙄

yamaguchi

poor baby

was cuddling with you 😔

it hurted to play the sound but you had to

when it first started, he was perfectly content with you being on the phone like he was honestly about to fall asleep with his head on your stomach anyway 😌

he was zoning in and out trying to watch the movie y’all put on

then the dude started talking and ISJAN POOR BABYYYY

raises his head up like 🥺

YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM ITS NOT REAL IMMEDIATELY

APOLOGIZE NEOW 😡

whines your name

“y/nnnnnn 🙁”

he’s still groggy from being tired but tries to make a mad face

looks cute instead

like super super cute

you had to give him kisses 😤

kageyama

literally didn’t even fucking hear it SKAKJKS

i feel like he would just be doing something and either not care or not hear it AT ALL

he was on The Game ™ and in the middle of a hard part at that

you played that shit with a smirk on your face and he gives you nothing 😎

doesn’t even turn around

doesn’t even glance 👀🚫

you are flabbergasted

appalled

astonished

this bitch get on your nerves on god 😀

and when you tell him what you were trying to do earlier he’s like 🤨

kageyama would literally be the FACE of “chile anyways”

what if he like smacked you upside the head with the CONTROLLER MAKAJWJ BRUH IM DTING

“this bitch tried it 🙄” pt.2

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savage-rhi · 4 years

Note

Gene and Higgs OMFG I need more content :33333 👕 : your muse helps my muse get dressed after my muse sustains an injury or illness .

Here you go honey bunches💙

“Alright missy, down you go.” Higgs said playfully as he eased Gene off of his back, lowering her to the ground where they would make camp for the night. Higgs grunted as he got the rest of Gene’s luggage and his own belongings off of him. He felt much lighter while he stretched, popping his back in a few places before sighing in relief.

“Darlin’, you sure gave me a workout today.” He chuckled.

“You--didn’t have to carry me.” Gene choked out, trying her best not to have another coughing fit as she settled her upper body against a rock. Higgs waved her off.

“Nonsense. You were hacking up a storm back there. I would’ve been an asshole if I didn’t help ya.”

Carrying Gene for the last several hours on top of everything else wasn’t an easy task. Higgs hadn’t done porter activity in years so it was a challenge at first, but instinct took over and he found himself back on the saddle.

Gene smirked. “Aren’t you always an asshole?”

Higgs feigned he was hurt, furrowing his brows as he put on a pout. “Owch. I guess someone doesn’t want a ride tomorrow. I’m kind, but I ain’t your pack mule.”

Higgs chuckled as Gene rolled her eyes, he waited for a comeback but was met with another round of coughs. Higgs’s demeanor changed as he crouched beside Gene and felt her forehead after she was done.

“Phew, you’re sweatin’ up a storm.” Higgs murmured.

“I feel like I hacked up a lung,” Gene said faintly as Higgs quietly laughed.

“Surprised’ you didn’t. Goes without sayin’, you took getting hit with them flu darts like a champ.”

“Wow. Such high praise.” Gene said sarcastically, getting Higgs to grin from ear to ear. He appreciated Gene’s snark when it would show itself. It reminded Higgs of how he used to be when he was a porter. Sure, he still had it but a lot had changed since those days.

“Only the best for my girl,” Higgs said proudly, watching as Gene grimaced at his comment. Higgs brushed it off, sighing as he got up and onto his feet.

“I’m gonna find a water source. Don’t do anythin’ dumb, okay?”

“I don’t think I could even if I wanted to,” Gene said, closing her eyes and letting her body rest. Even though she got a ride from Higgs, the rough terrain he had taken them both through was strainful. The bouncing didn’t help her ailment. She could still feel the migraine that came on about an hour before stopping to make camp.

By the time Higgs returned with some essentials he found, or otherwise confiscated off of unsuspecting travelers, he found Gene had gone through the trouble of getting their sleeping mats, tent, and a fire started. He rolled his eyes, letting out a breath while approaching.

“I thought I told you to stay outta trouble,” Higgs said firmly, to which Gene shrugged as she was lying against the rock from earlier on.

Higgs shook his head, deciding not to fight her this time around. Gene’s stubbornness was something to behold at times, and others Higgs wished he could have slapped it out of her. It was a trait that had its perks nonetheless. Gene had ambition and grit to go along with it, and in Higgs’s mind that made up for things.

“I gotcha some water,” Higgs said, holding out a canteen for her after capping the top off. Gene’s fingers shook as she grabbed the bottle, then started to drink slowly.

“At the rate your fever is goin’, you should be over this in another day or two.” Higgs assured Gene after she was done drinking her share.

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” Gene said, coughing for a moment. Her skin trembled. Higgs could see even though she was close to the fire, Gene had goosebumps all over her arms. The pale color they had too indicated how cold she was as Higgs sat beside her.

Higgs took off his cape, pulling the hood over himself while taking it off then carefully wrapped it around Gene. He laid a hand on her shoulder, watching as she glanced between it and his eyes.

“Thanks.”

“Heh, no biggie,” Higgs said and moved back to give space. “Anyway, you caught me red-handed. When I was a terrorist, I used to sell flu darts to MULEs all the time. Hot commodity them things are. I don’t know if you ever heard of a komodo dragon, but they were these big lizards. Had nasty bites. What they’d do is they’d snap a prey item, and let it go. Then they’d track the scent of that creature and wait until they’d perish from sickness. Their saliva was heavily debated, whether they were venomous or not. It’s what those darts are based on. The maker of them passed away about three years ago. Surprised to see MULEs using them anymore.”

“Too bad he ain’t alive so I can kick him in the nuts,” Gene said bluntly, to which Higgs laughed. Some relief washed over his face seeing Gene smile. He had been worried about her, more than he let on.

“Well, it sounds like we both have a common enemy,” Higgs said. “But tell me somethin’ aren’t ya at least a bit happy to know I killed all the MULEs back there that did you dirty?”

Gene thought it over before giving a rapid nod. Higgs chuckled and reached over, tucking one of Gene’s small braids behind her ear so it wouldn’t go over her sweat.

“I knew you’d come around,” Higgs said.

“What do you mean?” Gene asked.

“Well, not to be a dick but your little stint about not killing people unless you have to is gonna put you in harms way more so than just offing people from the start.”

“That’s why I have you. You have more balls in that department.”

Higgs made a face. “So, you didn’t want me on this trip for the companionship?”

Gene flexed her hand, emphasizing her answer as she smirked. “Maybe a little.”

“Bitch.” Higgs huffed playfully.

“Fuck wad.” Gene countered, smiling up at Higgs as he returned the favor. He was about to make another remark, then noticed Gene’s tank top had been damp from all the sweat she was losing. Higgs scooted over to Gene’s porter pack, taking a small box off that had some spare clothes in it that she kept around.

“What are you doing?” Gene asked.

“Gonna help you out. Can’t have you shakin’ like a naked chicken all night.”

Gene giggled from his remark, getting Higgs to smile sincerely as he felt his cheeks burn up a little.

“Higgs, it’s not necessary.” Gene protested as he took out a black t-shirt, then scooted back to her side all the while Gene removed his cape from earlier and started to pull her clothes off.

“I insist,” Higgs said. He tried his damned hardest not to let his mind drift off where it shouldn’t go, but he’d be lying to himself if he wasn’t affected. Gene was attractive. Since going on this delivery run with her, it opened up Higgs’s mind to the fact. There was always a sentimental nature he regarded towards her, but like many things about Higgs, his affections had layers. When it came to Gene, he didn’t know where it ended and where it began. All Higgs knew was he was screwed and pining for something he couldn’t have.

Higgs kept his gaze away, but only darted back to Gene when he heard her wince.

“You alright darlin’?” Higgs asked, canting his head curiously at her.

“Yeah--I just ache everywhere,” Gene said truthfully, then managed to get the tank off in full. Higgs observed her, swallowing a lump in his throat as he fiddled around with the shirt, then reached out and gently guided Gene’s hands into the sleeves, before helping her poke her head through the neck area. Higgs gently tugged down on the sides, making sure the shirt was secure on Gene and covering her enough.

“Now you don’t look like you’ve been bathin’ in a swamp.” Higgs muttered, smiling as Gene snorted at his remark. Their eyes met each other as Higgs regarded her by cupping her face with his hands, once more removing strands of hair from her face along with debris. Gene continued to smile up at Higgs, her hand resting on his arm before he pulled back.

“Would it be too weird if I requested somethin’ of ya?” Higgs asked after clearing his throat.

“At this point, nothing you say can surprise me.” Gene said truthfully, coughing into her arm for a time.

“Can I hold you?” Higgs blurted out, feeling himself nervously shake. The way Gene was looking at him made Higgs feel weird. Maybe he crossed a line, but before he could say anything to take it back, she was already getting herself comfortable and moved closer to Higgs. He smiled, letting his arms scoop her up into his lap as she cradled against him, her face pressed against his shoulder near the crook of his neck.

“You're warm,” Gene muttered, her throat scratchy as she nuzzled into him. Higgs could feel her skin quake under his fingertips, dragging his cloak back and putting it over her. He tucked the sides into her body and leaned his head down against hers.

“I gotcha darlin’.” Higgs said quietly.

“Why are you doing this?” Gene asked.

There was a long pause. Truthfully, it was because he craved holding her. It made him feel like he could protect something, someone important to him for once in his life, but Higgs wasn’t ready to face the music. Nonetheless, there was another reason. Something he could share with Gene and not be ashamed of it.

“Cause’ this is what I wished my daddy did for me when I was sick.” Higgs replied, adjusting some to look at Gene’s face. She stared up at him sadly upon hearing that, but she was growing too tired to say anything.

“Rest up, okay?” Higgs said as Gene nodded against him, her eyes soon closing as she relaxed more in his arms. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat lulled her to sleep. All the while, Higgs watched her before resting his own eyes. As shitty as the situation was, Higgs was thankful for it to some degree. This gave him an excuse to be close to another person. One he held in high regard.

**A link to my ko-fi account. If you enjoy my content and want to support me getting my monthly medication for fibromyalgia and arthritis, I would be eternally grateful. It is NOT a requirement however! All my work is free to read!**

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kaytewrites · 5 years

Text

easy as the breeze [asa&honor]

a short piece about my centaur bard, asa, having trouble sleeping on a ship, and honor, tiefling fighter, helping him through the worst of it; also features whitechapel, kagonesti elf ranger.

rating: G warnings: none word count: 1735

Nighttime is probably the worst part of being on the ship.

Scratch that, it is the worst part. Because even though Whitechapel spends most of his time above deck on watch anyway, there’s still that strange four hours where he comes down and goes into his elfy deep meditation that it’d take a hurricane to break him from. (And by hurricane, Asa means a breeze as light as a damn butterfly’s wing. The man sleeps lighter’n a feather).

And that’s not the worst part. Asa’s traveled with Whitechapel before, knows the man’s strangeness and has worked around it for years now, even when he was barely out of colthood and didn’t know the right end of a sword. And it’s not even sharing it with Honor, too, because Honor’s nothing if not polite to a fault and doesn’t make a peep outta turn.

Nah, it’s not that. It’s the space.

Centaurs weren’t made for small spaces. Creepin’ below decks like some kind of biped human and nestlin’ beneath reams of wood inside what seems the tiniest wooden bucket on this sea is the last thing, last thing Asa wants to do. If he’d known exactly how he would react to being at sea, he would’ve never taken the contract.

That’s a lie. He would always have taken the contract. He’s bad as a bloodhound for sniffing out trouble and jumping right in.

But still. Centaurs are made for open plains, clopping through wide streets, tipping their hats to pretty ladies to watch ‘em smile and giggle. Asa’s one of ‘em. Centaurs weren’t made for this. Every time he hears the ship sway and creak like some breathing, living thing, he wants to swarm up the decks and get out, out, out.

He’d tried humming the first night, strumming at his lyre idly, plucking out lullabies he remembers from his childhood. That stopped real quick as soon as Whitechapel glared at him. The second night, he fidgeted restlessly, and nearly resorted to trying to find that drink they had a cask of from Tinnsport before eventually passing out.

The third night, it’s Honor who tries to help.

He’d stayed out on deck long as he dared, taking up first watch and dipping dangerously into second, watching Whitechapel stroll onto the deck and give him a silent nod.

“All’s clear, cap’n Whitechapel,” he grins at him, and gets a raised eyebrow in response. Asa tutts, still smiling. He can count on a hand the times he’s gotten that dour elf to smile at him in the past five-six years. Tonight’s not gonna be the night he adds another. Especially not with how much he’s loathing the idea of going back below decks.

“Get some rest, Asa,” Whitechapel says, and Asa tips his hat and cants himself upright.

“That sounds like a damn fine idea,” he says, stretching and yawning to cover the fine tremble in his limbs. If anyone notices, they’ll just see a novice at sea, plagued with fatigue. No fear here, no sirree. Asa is just fine.

“I have sedatives,” Whitechapel offers, gruff and forward and kind in that tactless way of his. (He can hide it all he wants - Asa can hear him now. I only offered it to make you stop being annoying and sleep. I prefer you unconscious. Naw, Asa don’t believe it. Whitechapel cares. He just won’t let himself admit it.)

Asa considers it for all of half a second before shaking his head. “Naw. Makes me too foggy. Thank you kindly, though, bestest friend.” He tips his hat to Whitechapel again, watches the scowl grow on his face, and saunters over to the door below decks before the elf can look him in the eyes and see how much he wanted to take them.

He escapes to the corral, finding his stall open and Honor already tucked neatly into the cot. He settles down into the blankets and pillows he’s nested up around the hay, pulls his coat off and folds it neat like his Ma taught him (Always take care of your coat, kiddo, and she’d pat his shoulder and his horseback, never underestimate the value of a good traveling coat.) and sets his hat down on top of it. He settles against the pillows, closes his eyes, and waits for sleep.

It doesn’t come.

He hears what seems like every creak in the boat. Hears the water sloshing against the sides, feels the sway of the ocean and the persistent uneasiness that comes with it. He wants to open his eyes again, but he knows he’ll just see the tight-pressed walls of the ship around him and want the sky, want the ground, something he can feel under his feet and chart and map like his Pa taught him, how to measure the ground with each step and put that to paper, but you can’t do that with ocean, it’s all just - endless -

He hears a thud and an oddly toneless “Ow.” before he’s opening his eyes and looking around, panic making the edges of his vision wobble. Honor is on the ground, staring at Asa with a measure of concern in his silver eyes.

Asa can see where the cot has fallen, one leg kicked out from underneath it. His offending hoof is still extended, and he pulls it back with an embarrassed flush to his cheeks.

“Aw, hell, Honor, I’m sorry,” he murmurs, frustrated with himself. He’s actin’ like a damn foal. He reaches over to look at the edge of the cot, and he’s broken clean through the wood of the leg. “Shit. Asa, over here makin’ a mess as usual.”

Honor looks between him and the broken leg of the cot. Asa focuses down on it, pressing the leg to the stump, willing magic into it to knit it back together. He knows he could do it, there’s a way - if only he’d paid a little more attention -

He feels a hand on top of his, and opens his eyes where he’d squeezed them shut.

“Are you alright, Asa?” The words are low, as soothing as Asa suspects Honor’s voice can get, and Asa swallows.

“Yeah,” he says automatically. “‘M fine, Honor, you know that. Just a - just a bad dream, I s’pose. Somethin’ or other like that.”

“Okay,” he says, and the easy acceptance of the answer makes Asa feel guilty in a vague, shameful way.

“Sorry ‘bout the bed. Guess I don’t know my own strength. Not like you do, y’know?” Asa says, and groans internally at himself when he doesn’t stop talking. He’s always moving, fidgeting, talking, and being near-panicky ain’t helpin’ none. “Bet you’d never do somethin’ like this, huh? Aw, ignore me, I’m just blatherin’ on ‘bout nothin’. ‘Swhat I do best, y’know? I could prolly talk someone to death if I tried hard enough, magic’s tricky like that-”

“Asa.” Honor’s voice is loud enough to break through the rattle of his own voice in his ears. “Are you - claustrophobic?”

“Cloosy-whatsit now?”

Honor grimaces. “Do you - not like small spaces?”

Oh. That. “Well. Can’t say they’re my favorite, but I can manage just fine, Honor - though I don’t blame you if you wanna find a different roommate.” He tacks on a laugh and a smile, but it feels fake, even to him. And something in him - balks at the idea of Honor leaving.

Honor doesn’t say anything, just stands up off the broken cot and looks down at it. Asa feels all over again like an uppity colt gettin’ scolded by the herd leader (again, Asa, do we have to do this again?) and keeps his eyes down, fiddling with the button at the bottom of his shirt.

Before Asa can blink, Honor takes the frame of the cot and just - rips the last three legs off. He sets the frame down like nothing's happened, stacks the legs in a neat pile, and arranges the thin, flimsy mattress once more. He nods once, then settles back down, laying on his back.

“Well,” Asa says, after a beat of silence, “I'll be damned.”

“Gnome can fix it in the morning.” Honor's voice drifts from the cot, already half-asleep again. Damn if Asa doesn't envy that. (Damn if Asa doesn't mind not having it, not when he knows where that came from.)

“Aw, yeah. Didn't even think of ol’ Theo.” He feels - foalish again, and can feel the panicky edge of confinement creeping into his thoughts. Think of the gnome, Asa, think of Honor, think of how careful he is every time he steps into saddle, how you've grown used to his weight, how he didn’t look at you twice for throwing up for a day and a half at sea-

(Centaurs are proud, Asa, his mama used to tell him. We bear no riders. We fight for ourselves and our herd.)

Well, mama, he thinks, looking over at Honor, I don't know about the herd, but I kinda like this one.

“Still awake?” Honor's voice sounds like a statement, but Asa can pick out the question anyway.

“‘Fraid so,” Asa sighs.

Honor frowns. He rummages through his pack for something, and comes up with two tiny bundles of tight-packed cotton. He holds them out to Asa.

Asa takes them, confused. Honor points to his ears, then the cotton. He pops them in, curious -

And, after a moment, he realizes he can't hear the waves or the creak of the ship anymore. When he closes his eyes, it feels like he's just sittin’ in one big old rocking chair.

He's so caught up in the thought of sleeping the whole night through that he startles at the touch on his arm. He opens his eyes, staring at Honor, who mimes taking the cotton out. Sheepish, he does.

“Better?” he asks, and Asa swears that's a grin on his face. He swears it.

“Thanks, partner.” Asa’s reaching out to touch him on the shoulder automatically, before he remembers himself and pulls away. He gives Honor a thumbs-up instead.

Now he knows that's a little half-smile on the tiefling’s face. Honor gives him a little thumbs up in return, and Asa could nicker with how pleased he is.

When he settles against the hay and blankets and pillows with the cotton in his ears, he swears he feels a feather-light brush against his pelt, there and gone between one heartbeat and the next.

#d&d #dnd #dungeons and dragons #dungeons & dragons #dragonlance #tiefling #centaur #elf #so did u know i love all of them so much #so. much.#artemisius rhook #honor the tiefling #whitechapel the elf

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voidwizerd-archive · 7 years

Text

BONDING EXPERIENCES?? ==>

[[ logs with @carnivalsorphans, our muses keep bonding in very confusing ways, what the fuck are these two ]]

voidwizerd okay first off please dont bring this up w Kankri bc th last thing i can handle rn is anythin resemblin a moral talk im too pissed

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd do you ever like get a super specific urge to just beat a body senseless does this happen to you

carnivalsorphans often enough that the thought some people don't kinda baffles

voidwizerd i cant get at who i wanna get at theyre all universes away n maybe DEAD which sure would be fuckin convenient fr them huh i just

carnivalsorphans hahaha yeah fuckin relatable

voidwizerd wanna find some shitty person n whale on em until theyre only sorta recognizable

carnivalsorphans hmmm

voidwizerd teeth aint that necessary anyhow ugh

carnivalsorphans hahahaha do you actually want me ta find ya someone shitty ta fuck up or we just talkin hypotheticals and feelings?

voidwizerd i honestly dont even know i just wanted to confirm someone else experiences this too

voidwizerd i figured if anyone does itd be you

carnivalsorphans aight, just feelings yeah, you bet sib a lot. and it's hard. just kinda.... keepin that real tight inside it winds ya up a bit warps you and makes ya feel all weird til ya can do somethin ta make it stop i used ta bleed myself and then paint with it, but wicked said that's bad, so i'm tryinna figure somethin else out

carnivalsorphans i felt that way bout anyone i actually give a fuck about, where any time they talk on their old shit it just makes me tense up and start this fuckin rumble

carnivalsorphans usually stop it afore it gets loud though kankri says he don't feel that way at all, but i bet there's somethin that'd wind him up that bad somethin for everyone that just makes em wanna beat someone bloody

voidwizerd yeah it just its like wrappin your insides up tighter n tighter n tighter n it feels like itll rip n spill everythin out

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd so fuck, if its gonna tear eventually why not choose myself how that happens???

carnivalsorphans yeah and i'd think at least no one was gettin hurt but me and i like pain anyhow

carnivalsorphans and it spills out nice and slow and i get somethin pretty at the end of it but ... ya gotta pick ya poison, sometimes

voidwizerd i guess i did that last one kinda fr different reasons n a bit more extreme but ha ha ........i fuckin hate copin

carnivalsorphans yeah, it's hard i got a lot ta cope with

carnivalsorphans used ta think i was better than addiction, but i ... dunno. feel like an addict sometimes. wicked says i might be one, even. instead of the bottom of a bottle, i just got my claws

voidwizerd just bout anythin can be addicted to i used to run until my body gave out only way my mind would go quiet i miss th quiet

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd but Kankri would worry

carnivalsorphans fuck havin connections ta people hahaha

voidwizerd right its terrible but also i wouldnt know what happy is like either

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd th loneliness was killin me ha like literally lmaooooo

carnivalsorphans yeah i can feel that

voidwizerd well no okay technically i was doin that my own damn self

carnivalsorphans you wouldn't think, surrounded by church who loves me

carnivalsorphans but ya know. lonely at the top

voidwizerd fuckin pussy i was broke in less than two sweeps. whoop whoop yeah yeah i bet lonely is terrible, fuck that shit

carnivalsorphans used ta be worse but used ta be, i didn't care .... way way fuckin back when saw people bein all close to eachother and it seemed like a waste a fuckin time and energy and like they was a bit away from stabbin eachother in the back

carnivalsorphans .... fuckin ignorance was bliss

voidwizerd ha wouldnt it be so much easier just to not

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd not need that not fuckin CLING to affection like a goddamn lifeline bc its either that n bein treated like garbage or bein treated like nothin at all

carnivalsorphans yeah, fuck that

voidwizerd hurt or isolation take your pick trick question they both hurt and they both make you feel isolated

carnivalsorphans yeah hahahahaha

carnivalsorphans rather have real hurt though. makes shit hard ta focus on .... sometimes, at least

voidwizerd mmn

carnivalsorphans > Try not to think of Artemi. > Try /really hard/

voidwizerd do i like pain fr kinky reasons or do i like it bc i just want someone to beat me to shit

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd these are th questions

carnivalsorphans just assume it's a little a both

carnivalsorphans nothin's ever so black and white sometimes a lil more of one, sometimes a lil more of another

voidwizerd fuckin

carnivalsorphans and sometimes it fades away so much ya almost forget it's there

voidwizerd hate that shit

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd wish it could be simple shouldnt knowin yourself be simple but nah

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd other ppl know me better than me

carnivalsorphans depends on how fuckin much you want to know

voidwizerd aint that just th fuckin way

carnivalsorphans i've tried real hard not ta let anyone know me fuckin hate bein /known/ bein... able ta pin down predict

voidwizerd sure is a thing its scary

voidwizerd scarier than anythin

carnivalsorphans .... yeah and not just cuz i'm scared for my church not just cuz i'm scared a how people will take it just... 's

voidwizerd if i didnt trust Kankri so much id prolly just. go outta my fuckin mind of terror. ha

carnivalsorphans yeah every time me and wicked have a real talk, i get a bit.... tense. all tensed up for him ta fuckin recoil or use shit against me or probably ain't the best way ta feel with ya rail, but

voidwizerd no i i get that fuck dude i literally couldnt tell you how often Jane n Dirk did that to me but my stupid ass kept confidin in em anyway

carnivalsorphans hahaha i never risked it sometimes i'd tell shit to people i was

voidwizerd only reason i didnt confide w Jake at all was cause he never paid attention to anythin that wasnt bout him

carnivalsorphans hurtin. i ain't ever had enough trust in fuckers to do that sorta shit too often

voidwizerd shit dude if ur only confidantes are th ppl ur torturin you just might need to get out more

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha yeah

carnivalsorphans i kinda went a bit nuts after i fell got better though

voidwizerd good on you shoulder pat for success

carnivalsorphans there's a lotta things i miss bout that time. probably more than i should. one more addiction ta add onto the pile

voidwizerd ha careful dude dont wanna be breakin records here

carnivalsorphans hahahaha i've lived a long time, i set all the records

voidwizerd my point is to get better rather than worse knucklehead though ha tbh this is one of those lights i doubt thats really a possible thing

carnivalsorphans hahaha how bout we just try for not gettin worse tolight? wanna come over? for the sake a not bein alone

voidwizerd i .....yeah thanks

carnivalsorphans fuck knows i ain't gonna be good for bein alone tonight neither. .... but i don't really wanna worry wicked over me bein all whatever i am right now

voidwizerd "whatever" is a good word fr feelins tonight "whatever" with a side of "sad n violent"

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd apparently not a regular or good thing to feel .. is it bad fr me to be so relieved you get this way too

carnivalsorphans naw 's normal ta feel relieved that ya ain't alone in ya experiences

carnivalsorphans fuck, that's sorta why i hang around sugary and vel and wicked

voidwizerd oh huh i guess i like. well i didnt even know i was angry until well

carnivalsorphans until you was burnin

voidwizerd yeah

carnivalsorphans i think vel sorta gets like that

voidwizerd i guess i been mad a long time but

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd long as i ignored it things never happened

carnivalsorphans people tend ta forget angry is somethin they is allowed ta be

voidwizerd until that naggin suspicion got confirmed, that i was treated no better than shit on someones heel, n i just welp there goes th neighborhood

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd anger is its big

carnivalsorphans anger is born out of sorrow a lot sorrow at fuckin... lack at bein wronged

voidwizerd .....yeah

carnivalsorphans at missed opportunities and bein taken advantage of

voidwizerd at at knowin i did nothin to get hurt n did *everythin* to win approval thats just

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd seventeen goddamn years of waste right there

carnivalsorphans yeah sweeps of lack of what ya deserved

voidwizerd i didnt deserve that

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd *they* deserved my goddamn fists i wish id fought back

carnivalsorphans it's aight to be angry bout that shit. people always say it's aight to mourn, but sometimes mournin involves gettin fuckin pissed

voidwizerd i wish id listened to my instincts

carnivalsorphans you did what ya knew ta do and that's... somethin

carnivalsorphans may not always feel good

voidwizerd i loved em too much was th problem id let anythin slide cause they was my whole world

carnivalsorphans ain't nothin wrong with lovin maybe a bit wrong with bein blinded by it, but there ain't nothin to be done about that except learn from it

voidwizerd yeah took

carnivalsorphans and fuckin... bein tempered hurts, but it does make ya stronger

voidwizerd fuckin 21 years but i learned

carnivalsorphans .... cmere?

voidwizerd yeah

voidwizerd yeah ill be there

carnivalsorphans > Probably help to send coords. > And then time to snug a friend

voidwizerd > Friend will cry and rant a lot but appreciate much. > Mostly cry.

carnivalsorphans > Pet the friend. Kiss their head and wipe away tears sometimes and comfort and offer inappropriate jokes when tears seem to be letting up.

voidwizerd > Jokes get a smile and then even more crying because what the fuck is an appropriate response to people caring about them.

carnivalsorphans > More kisses because how do you deal with people crying Normally anyway?

voidwizerd > Kisses back a little because that seems to help and not kissing back was starting to feel Weird.

carnivalsorphans > Prr? Wipe away tears, focus more on wiz than your own shit.

voidwizerd > Pr... Still feeling terrible, and thinking about bad gunk, but at least not alone. And good to be with someone who kinda gets it. "We're sorta fucked up huh."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah. But we make it work."

voidwizerd "Fuck dude we sure do. By the skin of our fuckin teeth but we're doin it."

carnivalsorphans "I think we're doin better than some people."

voidwizerd "That's optimistic." > Weak laugh.

carnivalsorphans "Naw, we ain't still stuck in our old shit. I think that's better off. Some people never get that far."

voidwizerd "...That's true." > Snuggle up more after decaptchaing more blankets. Feeling more vulnerable to Ringleader's chilliness.

carnivalsorphans > Oh, good. A layer between you and the warmth. ... Give the bundled wiz a squish. "There's somethin to be said for bein proud of how far we've come, at least. Even if we ain't where we wanna be yet." > .... Where does he want to be though?

voidwizerd "Where we even tryin to get to, though?" > Squish is good. Quiet purr.

carnivalsorphans > A snort. "Ya know, I was thinkin the exact same thing." > Loud purring.

voidwizerd "Don't that just figure. Tolight we're real fulla questions that don't got proper answers, huh."

carnivalsorphans "I dunno that we gotta know where we're goin ta be glad we're not where we were."

voidwizerd > Now you snort. "That's some deep shit."

carnivalsorphans "That's me. Deep as fuck. ya know my real secret now.

voidwizerd "I'm honored!" > Quiet laugh. Moody staring at nothing for a while. "Think I'm done cryin now. Got that hollow sense settlin in nice an blegh.”

carnivalsorphans “Yeah, fuck that. I only appreciate that shit when i’m needin to think after bein pissed. And even then, it ain’t the same as true calm.”

voidwizerd "Mmh. Better than feelin I'm about to like... break into a million billion pieces. Like takin a sledgehammer to a window. Ha." > Blink slow. Slower. You're not moving so much.

carnivalsorphans > Squish. You ain't their rail, it's not your responsibility to make sure they're all... In tact. .... But still, you're a bit concerned. A tiny bit. "Anythin I can be doin ta help?"

voidwizerd "'unno. Feelin's gone for now." > Whoops, that there is a yawn. You rub your face, trying to stay awake. "What about you?"

carnivalsorphans "Feel.... Warm." Soft purring. "Probably about time ta pass out."

voidwizerd "Mmh." Sprawl out a bit. "Thanks for bein my comrade in shittiness."

carnivalsorphans "Misery demands company and all that. Plus i like hangin around you."

voidwizerd "Gay."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah." Forehead kiss.

voidwizerd > Mumble a barely comprehensible "suuuuper gay" before nodding off. > RL's a good friend.

carnivalsorphans > Pet Wiz a little longer before going to sleep yourself.

#logs #carnivalsorphans #[[ okay they talk about a lotta junk so here goes ]]#violence //#addiction //#alcoholism //#alcohol //#self harm //#abuse //#torture //#ask to tag //

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istherehopeforthemad · 6 years

Text

I can’t quite explain my feelings so I write

I have felt this way for as long as I can remember, but at first it just started as some sort of eating disorder where I thought I was the fattest person in the whole planet, I felt even bigger than the planet, but it has become much more complex. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe I already know that I have severe depression and anxiety, but I don’t want to. I am not trying to be sad, I am trying. I really am. I spend money to try to make myself happy and change my hair and put makeup on all of the time and it just DOESNT SEEM TO WORK. I don’t seem to feel at all. I tried reading a book about a girl who had, and may still have depression, and it only “triggered” me further (I hate how mainstream that word has become). I dont think I can ever feel again. I am at that point where I question myself about being happy. Like when I am with my friends and I am having a good time and laughing, I think “Is this what happiness looks like for me? No feeling but emotion being shown? No real, true laughter exploding from within me? I dont understand. Maybe I never will. I have tried therapy and pills (prescribed to me), and they dont seem to help. I have tried to boost my confidence and I just can’t. I don’t understand. I WANT TO BE HAPPY SO BAD I COULD SELL MY SOUL (not really devil please dont read this and think I will because I wont. My soul is the only thing making me have hope okay). I used to really enjoy making myself get all dolled up just to look in the mirror and say “DAYYYYUM YOURE A BAD BITCH”, but I don’t get that anymore, at least not recently. I used to dream about having my own car and having the windows rolled down and jamming to some bops, but now, I have my own car, and I keep the windows rolled down to allow the smoke from my vape to exit the car so my parents wont yell at me for foggy windows. And now, music just sounds like noise. Sure, I will find a fricken jammin song every now and then and play it on repeat for about an hour, but after that hour, it goes into the library with the rest of my songs and is only played on shuffle or when I am sick of listening to music and feel the need to play anything. I know this is long and wow here I go. I ALWAYS say sorry or feel bad for what I say or do, even if its not a bad thing. I can’t seem to help it. Currently, I feel sick to my stomach (I change topics hella fast so be ready) and it’s because I am so fuckin hungry, but I am telling myself that I am not and that I cant be because its late as fuk and, I CANT GAIN WEIGHT HELL TO THE NO CHEERIOS. I hate it. I hate caring what people think or say. I hate caring about shit that doesnt matter. I hate that I say the word hate when I hate nothing. I love everyone and everything in the world, even myself (this is not a self hate post to clarify, even if it sounds like it is, idk maybe it is, idk anymore), but I dont like the way people are treated and ugh. I just hate how depression is a “thing” and people think that if they snap their fingers all of the pain and sadness and anger and numbness and anxiety and hurt will go away. It doesnt, at least not for me.. On the bright side, I love movies. They make my soul and heart SO HAPPY. If I could sit in a theater forever I would. Maybe I should become a movie critic.

New dream job: Become a movie critic and eat free pizza and mac n cheese plzzz (Kraft only).

I don’t even know what I want to do for my future. I always felt that I was destined for something big, but I believe that is my 6 year old, want to be princess and singer, self talking. I’ve always wanted to become anything and everything. EVEN AN EXPLORER WOAH. I literally never go outside... except for when I do and I kind of sort of enjoy it

I wish I had hobbies, or even A hobby. I have none. Maybe writing can become a new one. Even if nobody ever reads this, I can make this something that I share with me, myself, and I to keep forever (or until tumblr shuts down in the year 2300 because it was abused by generation Z) jk) maybe).

I totally just looked up millenials to see if it was the right word to use in that sentence and it wasnt so I changed it. Thats the other thing. I feel like I have to prove that I am smart because I feel like I am not. At least not in schoolish types of things. My mind races a million miles a minute so I change topics easily. Just let it happen. Please.

I always wish and hope and comment that I would like to be rich so that I can help others and be a good person. Which, yes, I can be a good person and help others without money, but I feel that my stress would go away and I would be happy. Although, I know many people would disagree, I dont care. That sounded mean and confident wow. Not at all how I wanted it to come off. It felt kinda good though.

I have a friend named G. I feel like she doesnt understand me. I get lonely when im alone, and irritated to be with people when I am not alone. She is normal. She has no depression. NOT ONE DROP OF DEPRESSION RAIN FALLING ONTO HER. I wonder what that is like.

I could type forever.

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you died?

WOOOOOW that turned dark VERY quickly. I am not going to kill myself, so all of my zero readers, dont fret. I am only wondering.

If anyone does read this, please know that although I am a sad soul, I am caring and kind and would be intruiged to read any comments or messages to brighten my day, or visa versa. I want to make others happy and motivated, even if I cannot do that for myself. Maybe it will make me happy to help others without paying for a meal that they cant afford and being that awkward stranger that offers to pay because I have a job and can and I dont know their lives at home.

I miss J. This guy i think that I like?? I am unsure. Again, no emotions to shine in on this predicament. HMMMM

SOMEONE READ THIS AND LET ME HELP YOU BE HAPPY SO I CAN LIVE THROUGH YOU>

Unless you dont wanna read this... thats cool too!!!!

Anyways... i am gonna reblog some things so my blog isnt naked like a newborn shooting outta their moms wonder hole.

EW IM GROSS

Please please be safe and happy my zero readers. I hope everyone gets food and water and stays sane. You are wonderful

goodnight

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transient-tutor · 7 years

Text

DEREK: -is jake hanging out in the infirmary right now? because the dad-in-law is stopping by. it's not unusual, he's been coming and going the past few days to see dirk but tonight he's here for jake. he knocks on the door to get his attention before just letting himself in.- Yo Jake.

JAKE: -MOST DEFINITELY HANGING OUT IN THE INFIRMARY. Jake is taking an uneasy doze in one of the visitor cots a small distance aways from the comatose patient room. Jake didn't want to be a cumbersome presence to any medical staff that might come in and check on Dirk's vitals from time to time. Plus, just sitting in there was making him incredibly sad.-

JAKE: -At the sound of Derek's voice, Jake lifts his head up to squint. Feeling for his glasses and starting to roll to sit. Abeit with difficulty. The weariness wouldn't shake off his bones.- Derek?

JAKE: Youre here? -blinks and sets gaze on his father-in-law, worried all over again.- Something the matter? Is it dirk?

DEREK: -ambles over, shaking his head and waving a bandaged hand in dismissal.- Dont worry. Nothins up.

DEREK: -plops to take a seat beside him on the cot.- I stopped by to see you.

JAKE: -shoulders sag in relief and he sighs. The biggest dog sigh of them all. Eyeballs the bandaged hand.- Get into a scrum?

DEREK: -holds up his hand and sighs at it.- Yeah with a wall.

DEREK: It was a lil one sided.

JAKE: Oh well...

JAKE: Happens to the best of us. -And it does! Though Jake typically fought anything but a wall.-

JAKE: Youre here at least... having it checked and what not.

JAKE: Sos the responsibility. -rubs at his neck, making a bit of a face.- Bluh...

JAKE: Sorry derek. Im...

JAKE: A few gumptions short of a decent conversation. :(

DEREK: -claps a hand onto jake's shoulder and gives him a sympathetic pat.- No worries. Didnt really come here to conversate anyhow.

DEREK: Sorry to interrupt your beauty sleep but I wanted to get you outta here for a lil while.

JAKE: Oh uh... -It dawns on him that he's hardly spent any "family" time with Derek. As most affairs they cross paths in were in the company of other people. Also before that, Jake got entirely distracted by dating his son.- At this time of night?

JAKE: Where would we go? -He asks this question but he lives the married family life, Derek. Understand him.-

DEREK: -he gets it. he's been there. but he also adamantly refuses to grow up in many regards, so the world remains his oyster.- Anywhere.

DEREK: Life aint come to a screeching halt outside. If anything its bustling more than it has in who knows how long.

DEREK: Figured we could hop in that jeep of yours and see whats goin down out there. You up to it?

JAKE: Well its not but... -looks onward, probably in the direction Dirk's room is. Whines internally. Whines eternally.-

DEREK: -sighs through his nose. yeah, he gets that too.- Just to take our minds off things for a lil while.

DEREK: Itll be fun. Come on. -he's not above peer pressuring you, jake.-

JAKE: -It's easier to fold when Jake imagines that Derek is telling him to go, rather than suggesting they do.- Oh...

JAKE: Alright..

JAKE: But lets not be long. -pries himself off the bed, again. Reluctantly.-

DEREK: -claps him on the back before hopping to his feet again.- Thats the spirit.

DEREK: -takes the liberty of leading the way out the door. he doesn't really seem to be waiting around for him to catch up.-

JAKE: -Well that's fine... Jake knows where the Jeep is parked and is also the only one present with a key for it. He takes his time texting his friends in the infirmary about where he's heading off to. He meets up with Derek in the cargo bay.- Ill be frank...

JAKE: I havent thought to set foot outside since...

JAKE: My imprisonment i suppose.

DEREK: Thats reasonable.

DEREK: Cant say Ive had much need to. -leans on the jeep nonchalantly. he wants to drive it... but he will have to ask for the keys. use your words, derek.- But I hear its safer out there. People just rebuildin their lives.

DEREK: And thats cool. -holds out his hand.- Anyway gimme your keys to this thing. -he did it.-

JAKE: -There's a whole second Jake is reluctant to... before he passes them to Derek.-

JAKE: ...

JAKE: This was our wedding gift. -blurts. He can't help it. The associations are still there.- :(

DEREK: -snatches them up, then turns towards the vehicle.- ... Yeah. -HE BETTER NOT CRASH IT THEN. he's been known to do this with cars that don't belong to him.-

DEREK: -gets into the driver's side.- Its a good one. John got it for you right?

JAKE: -climbs in and sits in the passenger side. The sad faces intensify.- Yes. :C

DEREK: -damn, this is gonna be harder than he thought. probably not gonna be the wild night he was hoping for, but he can improvise.-

DEREK: -produces a six pack of booze from his sylladex and holds them out to him.- Have one. -yes, he's telling him to do this again.-

JAKE: Wh...

JAKE: -suddenly taking booze in his lap.- Were not driving under any influences are we?

DEREK: -jesus CHRIST.- Im not gonna. -for now-

JAKE: I think id have to stop you if we were sir! Family statuses aside. -HUFFS.-

DEREK: -smirks a little at him as he starts up the jeep.- Good to know.

DEREK: But I insist. You have at it.

DEREK: -and with that he TAKES OFF. the ship is landed somewhere out in the wilderness, but not too far from the minneapolis area still. plenty of municipalities to check out, but instead derek is taking a scenic route.-

JAKE: -dont mind if he rolls down the window. He likes the feel of the wind in his hair and especially his mustache.- Well...

JAKE: I watch plenty of television and im sure theres a law some place that reads there cant be open beverages in a moving vehicle!

JAKE: So im sure wherever were going it can wait. -sets the boozes down at his feet. That's that.-

DEREK: Oh come on its basically lawless out here.

DEREK: Man youre a real goodie two shoes. -says so with a good natured snicker. he's just trying to loosen him up... what a shame it's failing. maybe it's not in the cards. he pauses, hesitant to say what he's thinking but he's derek so he'll say it anyhow.-

DEREK: You must keep Dirk in line then huh?

JAKE: Shucks i wouldnt go that far. -feeling his face flushing in color. Absently, Jake fiddles with the ring on his finger.- Its just...

JAKE: Second nature i suppose? Thinking and...

JAKE: Doing my darndest to plan ahead. -he trails off. Feeling sad all over again.- But you dont want to hear this. We um.

JAKE: Ought to focus ahead and all. Coming all this way.

DEREK: -glances at him- Well the plan was to take it easy. Sure.

DEREK: But now I feel like talking about him too.

DEREK: Its nice hearin this stuff. -sobers up rather suddenly.-

DEREK: You know were not as close as Id like to be. Me and him.

DEREK: Guess I can kinda live vicariously through all yall that are when you talk about that sorta thing. What all is goin on in your day to day. Shit like that.

JAKE: Why not?

JAKE: The lack of closeness i mean.

DEREK: Well... -drums fingers on the steering wheel.- He dont like me too much.

DEREK: Guess weve been working on that but its slow going.

DEREK: I cant blame him anyways.

JAKE: Right... -If it helped Derek any, Jake had no reason to have hard feelings about him.- I cant imagine why. My impressions always been that youre as swell a fella as it gets!

JAKE: Whats there more to say about it? -But no really, he's curious.-

DEREK: -goes quiet for a moment but it's fine, he just scoffs.- People tell me there aint nothin left to say anymore.

DEREK: But I wasnt always a swell fella.

JAKE: Oh... -Truth be told, he had a hard time picturing anyone as totally a bad person. Jake glances at him, a glimmer of optimism for his father-in-law.- Its a dog eat dog world im told...

JAKE: Some folks do whats best they think is needed for survival. -looks away then, watching the passing scenery. So dark out...- I know its true for me.

DEREK: That dont always make it right.

DEREK: But that aint somethin you gotta worry about. Youre an indisputably good guy.

DEREK: -decides to make a turn down some dirt road.- And a great dad.

JAKE: Good... golly. Gulp. -if it's Derek's intention to make Jake blush again, it's working. Too much positivity in one sitting, his eyes are starting to water. Jake scrubs his face with the back of one hand. There they go, down some dirt road.-

DEREK: -IT ISNT EXACTLY, but he is making extra effort to be sincere with jake.- ... -glances at him.-

DEREK: Its true.

DEREK: Times like these really make or break a man.

DEREK: ... And Ill be real with you it is shit like this which made me a bad guy. I let that happen.

DEREK: Cuz I thought I had to do it alone.

DEREK: -drums fingers on the steering wheel.- Just remember youre not alone alright?

JAKE: I know it. Its not...

JAKE: Me im torn all over for. -swallows hard as it turns out his attempt to curb the water works failed. Jake sits there with tears dripping.-

DEREK: -frowns at the road ahead of him. he's not the best at expressing his sympathy, not always, but it's a little easier when some of that pain is shared. he reaches over to grip at jake's shoulder for a moment.- Yeah. I get it.

JAKE: -the simple gesture of squeezing his shoulder has Jake's heart wrenching even more. The most he can do is wring out a handkerchief to blow his nose into. Jake English doesn't go anywhere without it.-

DEREK: -this poor kid... he can't believe he carries around a handkerchief though. he clears his throat to suppress a chuckle about it and retracts his hand to place both back on the wheel.-

DEREK: I dont wanna make promises that itll be alright but... Youve got me and Riley and Dave and the whole goddamn clan to make shit easier where we can.

JAKE: -sniffles again and focuses on folding the hankerchief away. He'll have to wash this later.- Oh i know i...

JAKE: ...

JAKE: I feel just awful... thinking to ask when i cant even be fucking bothered to hold my own. -seems to be telling himself this more than Derek.- Ive held worse. Ive... endured worse.

JAKE: And so has everyone else. Its... -rests his elbow just outside the window, looking out again.- Magnanimously stupid of me. I shouldnt ask more of everyone.

DEREK: -brows knit as a familiar kind of pain wrenches at his insides. how does he even begin to explain how well he understands?-

DEREK: I know.

DEREK: When you wanna keep it together so nobody else has gotta add you to their long list of troubles.

DEREK: Even when you feel like youre fallin apart.

DEREK: Its frustratin.

DEREK: Like fuck. You should be able to handle this.

DEREK: You got to. -grips the steering wheel tight, but when he notices they've arrived at their impromptu destination, he loosens his hold and slows the vehicle to a stop next to one of the many lakes around here.-

DEREK: -turns to look at jake.- Youre a strong person Jake.

DEREK: I know you got this.

DEREK: But I aint offerin my help cuz I think you need it.

DEREK: Im doin it cuz youre family.

#gunhardyTemerity #in which derek steals jake for hang outs #this is old back when dirk was first in his coma

0 notes

rhapsody-in-heaven · 7 years

Text

the “perfect girl”

we met at a club.

i had about 8 shots that night. i wasnt drunk, and i didnt feel like i was doing stupid things or anything like that. but with that about of alcohol you couldnt have called me sober.

you danced pretty well. and with the amount of alcohol i had i blurted out “how do you move like that?!” maybe that surprised you, maybe that intrigued you either way we started dancing. at one point you started making out with me. at first it was fine. it was a night out and i was having fun at a club.

but then it got too aggressive, it happened to much and you came on too strong. but i never told you to stop. because im awkward. and i dont have much experience. and i just dont know how to say no once somethings already started. we were dancing for far too long too. my legs were killing me. and although it was fun at first, it got too long and i didnt feel like i was having fun anymore. and again, you were aggressive. eventually my legs couldnt take anymore and i needed to sit down I thought that that was a subtle hint that i was done. you came with me tho. I was sitting with my legs together but you swung them apart, came really close and started stroking my crotch. id be lying if i told u i didnt feel uncomfortable. it was hot, i was tired, and i was sitting with my legs together for a reason. still i didnt know how to tell you no. and no, im not blaming you. you didnt know, i shouldve said something. but i just didnt know how to tell you to stop. maybe you thought i was into it i dunno. i assumed what happens at the club stays at the club, so more or less i was fine. 2am rolled around. the club was closing. you asked if i wanted to go back to your place. I said i didnt think that was a good idea. you backed off. you asked for my facebook ohkay cool - why not? (looking back tho, i regret saying no not that you were a bad guy or anything, but i feel like i unintentionally led you on). and that was that. except it wasnt. you messaged a lot. and in those messages it actually seemed like you wanted to get to know me. that was - unexpected. you told me i was cute and pretty and that you couldnt get me outta your head. and i felt like you were into me. but again, im super inexperienced and i dont like to assume things. you were with me for less than an hour and i wasnt sober. and now i get this vibe that youre into me? very into me. there were times you asked to hang out and trust me i thought about it. you seem like a fine person. but our schedules never really worked out. plus i felt like you were into me and didnt wanna lead you on. then came kosmic. you messaged me asking if i wanted to get a drink. i said sure. i was expecting to pay my own. but you did before i could get the money out. i didnt want you paying because 1. no ones ever done that unless they were a friend. 2. i didnt wanna feel obligated to stay with you because you did. we talked and chatted and u asked me why i never met up with you. if i just broke up with a boyfriend or had another boy or if u werent my type. “ahh” i thought “he is into me” i told you the truth - ive had two boyfriends ive know each of them at least 18 months before starting. truthfully even now i still dont really know what it was you wanted from me. was it a relationship? was it a fling? if you say youre “into me” i kinda get that i peaked your curiosity enough that you wanna know more about me. if you say you “liked” me, that’s where i have a problem. you know nothing about me. that girl you thought i am is not me. you hung out with me while i wasnt even sober for not even an hour. how can you tell me you like me. you say you can be yourself around me. that its so natural to just be you when your around me. i feel awkward right now i feel awkward anytime a guy ive just met is msging me a lot and chasing after me. thats the real me too. the me who goes crazy with her friends is the real me as well. the me who tries to keep it professional at work is me. and the me who cries herself to sleep is me too. im not trying to pretend to be someone im not around you. so yes i feel natural too but my natural around you is not a comfortable natural. its awkward natural.

but you dont know that, you dont even know i feel awkward right now. you know nothing about me. you say that it doesnt matter? ohkay maybe for you it doesnt, but for me it does. we talk for a while. well kinda - its loud and to be honest i cant hear most of whats being said. not exactly the best place to have a conversation. you tell me i dont seem awkward like i said. if only you knew how awkward i felt. this dream girl you have conjured up in your head. the one who you cant get out of your mind. Is. Not. Me. you’ve idealized me into your perfect girl. when the truth is you know NOTHING about me. want an example? you told me that when you go clubbing u usually dunt dance with girls. but you did with me because it felt so natural. i tell you that i dance with anyone i can - thats not to say a lot, thats just to say i dont mind dancing with strangers if its for a night of whole hearted fun. you tell me you didnt know that ....exactly my point. you say we could still have fun tonight. and you start making out with me, so aggressively that I feel like a doll. again, i dunt know how to tell you to stop. you stop for a while give me this shrug like youre done and go in again - and again - and again. “the way you kiss too!” you say. “youre always smiling so i dont wanna stop” I think to myself, im smiling?? riiight i smile when i feel awkward and dunno what to do. omg my personality itself is making him misunderstand.

because at that moment i felt so fucking uncomfortable. i felt like a doll, an object - and yet i still couldnt tell you to stop. im not blaming you, i should have told you, and i really need to learn how to say stop. but if you thought for one second i was enjoying it that just proves how much you dunt know me. it was fine at first, but after it wasnt. and the dancing that night? with you it was never fun. the alcohol in my stomach and the fact ur so aggressive. holding on to me so tight that i felt the need to throw up. and spinning me around so hard you spun me to the ground. yes i had alcohol and i wasnt exactly sober but i danced with others that night but i didnt exactly fall on my butt with them. see when i said i wanted to dance, i wanted to dance with my friends. how do i tell you that this was fun, but i wanna have fun with other people now. i didnt know how. anyways stomach was queezy u were holding onto me too tight. i needed to throw up. so i went to the washroom it wasnt a lot - out and done with in 5 seconds. i came back out - you were there. i get some water, sit for a while and tell you that im heading back down to the dance floor. you lose me in the crowd. i get a message telling me that youre at the bar on the second floor. should i ever wanna come and “hang”.

ive been “hanging” with you for the last 90 mins. i actually felt that was 70 mins too much. i ignore the msg. i have fun dancing with my friends. I regret not leaving after the first 20 mins because i felt like the night would have been so much more fun. youve met me twice in person both times i had a number of shots in my system you see how ridiculous you telling me you like me sounds to me?

you say you dont need to know me, im sorry, i gotta call bullshit on that.

how did you feel when you found out that i could dance with anyone? did u still feel like i was the one sent from heaven?

how was it when you started to realize i was right? that the person you like is not the girl sitting in front of you, but in fact does not exist?

ive said this before and ill say this again, even now, i have no idea what you wanted. was it a relationship? was it a fling? i dont know. but telling me you like me without knowing me and trying to get to know me more as a person is not that convincing after you asked me to go back to your place after that first night at the club. it wasnt the fact that i broke up with someone or that there was someone else it was the fact that i didnt know you and didnt know what youre intentions were. i dont mind flirting at a club and having some dirty fun. as long as it stays there.

and thats what i was doing. i thought thats what you were doing too.

if youre trying to convince me otherwise maybe you shouldnt have made out with me maybe you shouldnt have played with my crotch maybe you shouldnt have asked me to go back to your place. even making out i get, touching my crotch is a step too far, and asking me to go back with you, just feels like youre looking for a one night stand. telling me im the girl you cant get out of your head, who you want to get to know on a more emotional level, is not convincing when you stroke my crotch and ask me to go back to your place an hour within meeting eachother without ever asking anything other than my name and my major. that “perfect girl” only exists in your mind. today you message me saying that you were thinking about what i said. why you found me attractive, because you didnt know me i danced with you for so long and that you love dancing. was there something more you were going to say? it seems like a half finished thought, and honestly im kinda curious. but its been a few hours and even though youre online, you havent replied. maybe if you do - ill be completely honest with you and tell you everything i talked about here (in summary of course) but you probably wont.

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