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#and will has his rejection fears and difficulty talking about feelings

forestdivinity · 5 days

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Blitz & the Full Moon Episode & autism

I am once again talking about autistic blitz and just the Full Moon episode and this is a ramble but hh stick with itt?? I have so many thoughttssss but there are Spoilers so don't read if you havent watched the episode yet!

I'm thinking of how Stolas like walks out when he thinks Blitz is rejecting him and how Blitz takes that as a rejection and blows up in return. Like if they'd both just taken a minute to breathe it wouldn't have ended in such a disaster

From what I've seen, Blitz is someone who needs time to process especially in interpersonal relationships, and he's so sensitive to rejection & blames himself as soon as it happens but will self protect by externalising and projecting those feelings onto the person who's hurt him. Not saying this is a healthy mechanism btw!

I feel like if he had time to think past his initial gut reactions he would have been able to at least talk without screaming because we see he can be emotionally vulnerable like when he talks to Fizz in Oops! but rejection and feeling unworthy hit him haaaard, (like Fizz's birthday), and he reacts with anger first to hide how upset he is He's quick to cover up but I don't think he's someone who's that great at reading social situations as he projects himself to be, even with the candle shopkeeper he struggles to describe the mood and vibe hes going for. Blitz projects himself as outwardly confident because it's easier for him to have this facade than admit when he has difficulties in certain situations. In 'Oops' he totally misses Fizz's sarcasm when he's talking about Stolas and their relationship while denying that Stolas could like him. I think this comes from both a place of self-loathing & denial but also him missing that Fizz isn't actually agreeing with him. Emotions & words relating to them dont come easy to Blitz because he's autistic but also he rarely got the kind of support and emotional teaching in childhood he needed from the people around him. Like im sure Tilla tried but we know she was ill and that Cash is a dick who uses this to exploit Blitz (such as forcing him to steal from Stolas as a child) and I think that man has the parenting ability of a teaspoon. He's manipulative and even from a young age teaches Blitz that relationships are transactional (selling Blitz in the first place) which I think was ten times more impactful and traumatising for Blitz as a child seeing how he approaches relationships as an adult and that's even not getting into his self worth issues surround Fizz and the fire and Barbie. And like with Verosika happening… I want to know how old he was when they dated, how long it lasted. She has his name tattooed on her there must have been some emotional connection, but what happened between them to lead to Blitz blowing up again. What was their relationship like. It's said (implied? I don't remember exact words) that Blitz was her bodyguard first so that's another relationship that started out transactional! I think Blitz is emotionally a very immature character and he clings to structured relationships that he can push the boundaries of. Loona is his adopted daughter. Millie and Moxxie are his employees. There's structure and expectations to those relationships and he's the one who pushes for more and tries to develop them. It freaks him out when someone turns the tables because he doesn't have the rules and scripts in his head I think?? Stolas is changing the structure of their relationship and Blitz panics and tries to retreat to what he knows works (sex) which isn't what Stolas wants and we see the aftermath of this! But if what the 'you royals always do this' line implies is true he's been thru at least something similar before and is maybe falling back into old patterns and hurts when he perceives Stolas as rejecting him & his advances (putting his hat on, disparaging the roleplay, and leaving the room). Beyond the class issue and fear of losing his business when Stolas asks for the book back permanently the first spot where things go wrong for their personal relationship is when Blitz goes 'oh this is a roleplay' and I can just see the gears turning of him like just trying to fit this new information into the established framework of their relationship. Sex is comfortable for Blitz, the transactional nature of their relationship is comfortable and scripted and easy (he says this at the start of the episode!) and when pushed out of that comfort zone he panics. We see him panic!

I think part of him probably liked that there were certain expectations and structure to the contract before even if he complained about stolas being horny and like Stolas baby, I know things changed in you but the very start of your relationship is you calling him while he's being shot to like talk about how you want his cock. I love Stolas too don't get me wrong but your whole relationship is based around sex. Blitz has said to you in the past that he feels like he's only used for sex (Ozzie's!) and that's the expectation he has of the relationship. And like we know Stolas has tried to gently reach out especially since Ozzie's but Blitz is autistic doesnt do subtlety, like we can see that in how he treats people around him. He's brash and open and doesn't know how to read a room (like the first CHERUB episode he texts the client that they fucked up because he thinks people can't get angry over texts??) IDK people go on about how Stolas is autistic and yeah I can see that but to me Blitz is the epitome of the 'bad autistic' who is too open, too rough, too liable to blow up and meltdown and react with anger and violence. (MOOD BABYGIRL)

Blitz is terrified of change unless he initiates it and even then he struggles (see him trying to confess to Fizz). And like there's just so much about him that screams autistic to me. Like his meeting with moxxie when they're in jail and moxxie is crying and blitz is like :D HI WANNA BREAK OUT! Blitz doesn't get the social code and I think he's worked so hard to come off as this blasé 'idgaf' person when in reality he doesn't know how he should act in certain situations but it's better if it seems intentional because then people just think he's an asshole instead of a freak. The like 'haha we are laughing together' instead of 'you are laughing at me' (in a bad way). Like just, the whole scene with him trying to tell Jokes in The Circus episode and it falling flat and falling back on his special interest (horse facts!) but the audience finding him just strange vs how they react to Fizz. He decides to adopt Loona but he still struggles with connecting to her and respecting her boundaries as a neglected young adult and treats her more like a younger child in a lot of ways because that's his idea of like the perfect father-daughter bond and he doesn't know how to course correct. Even in Full Moon we see how he like goes overboard in telling Moxxie how he's horny and wants to fuck Stolas and Moxxie is like TMI don't tell me that.

JUST for me Blitz is just so relatable in a lot of ways. He is a person who craves connection but struggles with how to make that meaningfully so he has dropped himself into certain molds to try and fit what people expect of him but even then he does it in the wrong way. He tries to be what he thinks Stolas wants (based on their OG deal and past interactions) by saying oh this a roleplay and its a sex thing but fucks it up because Stolas is asking for change and he doesn't know how to do that especially in a sudden and unexpected situation. And he's someone who is highly competent but struggles so severely with emotional regulation and timing and social contracts and just idk. So so many of my meltdowns ended in screaming because I neeed space and time to emotionally process when something is Happening and if I don't get that (like Stolas assuming things are over and leaving when Blitz is realising Oh This Is Something I Need to Process) my first defense mechanism is to reflect my struggle outwards in anger and Blitz is exactly the same!! And again this isn't healthy but we know Blitz isn't healthy right now (in the trailer he legit says he doesn't want to be like this forever)! And don't get me wrong I know why Stolas threw him out when he started yelling (Stolas has his own PTSD triggers from Stella) but goddd boys you need to sit down and work this out calmly with processing time!! Like sooo many people see Stolas as autistic because he's quiet and socially awkward and nerdy about the things he loves which is a valid interpretation but Blitz is just my CPTSD undiagnosed autistic who has learnt the worst coping mechanisms because he was never allowed anything else and always expects things to turn out badly. Isn't it easier if you're the one to ruin things? At least he knows what to expect!!

Ughghg I have so many more thoughts but this post is already a mile longgg so if you want to yell more about blitz just come into my asks lmaoo

(Btw I love Stolas too and this is not anti stolitz, they are gonna work this out but Blitz is just my scrunklyyy)

#blitzo #blitzo buckzo #helluva boss #full moon #hb full moon #spoilers #hb #stolas #stolitz #stolas goetia #my autistic middle aged traumatised man #he cries and i have a menty b #helluva blitz #blitzø #helluva boss blitz

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heliza24 · 3 days

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Louis, Armand, Visual Art, and Vulnerability

The way episode 2.4 used painting and photography as a recurring motif to illustrate the relationship between Armand, Louis, and Dreamstat fascinated me, and I’m going to try to work it out here.

Even though Armand is dismissive of Louis’s photography in Dubai as a “human understanding of time”, he actually feels very similar about the paintings in the museum, calling them “framed boulevards of time and space.” For both Louis and Armand, the captured image represents a connection to their true selves. For Louis it’s an embodiment of his love of humanity, of morality, of joy. There’s a tragic element to this though; Louis is always just an observer, stuck behind his camera lens. He can never be a true part of humanity again. In this episode he complains about the ways vampirism has restrained his art; he can only take photos at night, he can’t get to know his models without eating them. He has control over the images he creates but only so much. He doesn’t have the true spark of artistic genius, the ability to capture humanity because he feels it himself.

Armand has the opposite relationship to the image; he’s always the subject, not the artist. (I know he paints in his early life in the books, but we haven’t seen any evidence of that yet in the show). There’s a tragic element to this too, since it mimics the way he was entirely stripped of agency as a young man. The way he is portrayed in the Vecchio painting is both beautiful and violent. He’s whitewashed, and it captures a moment when he was being sexually abused. But there is something vital about this painting, in that it connects Armand to his faulty early memories. There is also something important about the fact that someone cared enough to arrange to have him painted, even if that care was possessive and twisted in its own way. When Armand says “no one has painted me in 400 years,” he means “No one has cared for me in this way in centuries. No one has seen me in this way for that long.”

Of course there’s an irony of that, because Louis has seen him in that way, in the photo he took of Armand. Louis fights against the art dealer’s appraisal of this photo, because he wasn’t trying to capture Armand’s fragility in that moment. He was trying to capture Dreamstat. I think there’s a part of Louis that is very frustrated by Armand’s vulnerability. There are a lot of reasons for this, I think, and it’s a pattern of behavior we see in Louis often. Louis has always had difficulty accessing sentiment and vulnerability himself, going back to when he was human and pulled a knife on his brother when Paul was mentally vulnerable. We know that Louis’s recounting of Lestat often left out Lestat’s vulnerability, and the part of Lestat that Louis sparked with (for better and for worse) was Lestat’s more violent, tempestuous side. In this very episode, we see Louis rejecting Claudia’s fear about being threatened by Armand, and throwing her feelings of rejection back in her face (“You left me first!”). Louis doesn’t have a lot of patience for vulnerability in general, and I think that’s why Dreamstat was there for Armand’s monologue about Armand’s early life. Dreamstat is an embodiment of Louis’s suspicions and frustrations, and when Armand was talking about not knowing who he is, of being trapped in a job he does not want… that’s when Dreamstat interrupts with a derogatory “HAH!”. To me that is Louis, expressing his frustration with Armand’s fragility and indecision. That’s Louis saying “make a CHOICE already.” And it makes sense that in the next sequence of scenes he takes action to help push Armand into making that choice.

Earlier in the episode, when Armand is trying to teach Louis how to use the fire gift, Louis complains that it only works for him when he’s pissed off about something, and Armand mentions that he “tries to find the vulnerability in the object” in order to light it on fire. After Claudia leaves, Louis is angry at both Claudia and Armand, and that anger helps him light Armand’s photo on fire. But Louis has also found the vulnerability in Armand, which he demonstrates deftly in the scene on the bench. Telling Armand he’s wet but not moving to open the umbrella himself (You’re soaking wet, Louis…), waiting for Armand to use the fire gift to light his cigarette for him, encouraging Armand to play Santiago and the rest of the coven off against each other. This is all asserting control in a way that Louis now knows Armand will respond to. Most crucial, however, is his assertion that he’s “not an artist” and [he doesn’t] know too much about theatre. But [he] used to be real good at running things.” Things, of course, means brothels. And then Louis calls Armand Arun, the name he used when he was trafficked into sexual slavery. In one fell swoop, Louis rejects his art, his connection to humanity and goodness, and embraces his vampiric nature. Because vampires are killers, but they are also manipulators. And Louis is happily pushing directly on Armand’s weakness here, that he confessed to Louis in a moment of pure honesty. There is a part of Armand that is relieved to be back in this old pattern, to no longer have the burden of choice. And there’s a part of him that’s turned on by the submission, and a part of Louis that’s turned on by the domination. So Armand answers “yes maitre”, and we’ve officially embarked on the beginning of their 70 year long relationship, built on the back of both genuine desire and love as well as nefarious manipulation. By the time we get to Dubai, it’s Armand manipulating Louis, using the ghost of his artistic ambition to somehow placate him by mixing up his photos with those of more accomplished artists.

There’s another aspect to that bench scene, which is Louis’s final rejection of Dreamstat. I think there are a few reasons he decides to do this now. Claudia’s outburst is very Lestat-like in her anger, and I think Dreamstat’s reminder that Claudia is both Louis and Lestat’s daughter prompts Louis to separate himself from Claudia (by choosing Armand over her) and Lestat. Dreamstat has also evolved into a reminder of all things gentle and domestic to Louis. He has become the voice of Louis’s inner tenderness as well as his skepticism, and as we have already established, Louis does not like to be reminded of this. If he is going to make the tenuous balance between Claudia, Armand, Santiago, and the coven work, he cannot indulge in vulnerability, not now. And while Dreamstat might currently be in his tender era, Lestat himself still represents the vampire teacher to Louis. His anger, his control, his viciousness are things that Louis has previously rejected. But in this power move over Armand, we see him embracing all of those qualities. So in some ways he has simply progressed beyond his need for Lestat. He no longer needs Dreamstat because he has taken on all of Lestat’s worst qualities himself. I love how the way that he asserts control over Dreamstat mimics the way he asserts control over Armand. And I love how the effect of Dreamstat disappearing looks like paint bleeding into water or a photo developing in reverse. Louis leaves behind tenderness, Lestat, art, and leans into his own power.

In Dubai, Louis is detached from his art and critical of it. There are some interesting parallels here with Daniel, who isn’t a visual artist, but does seem to consider his writing an art and tries to use that to reassure Louis. Much like Louis, Daniel thinks of himself as a distanced observer, writing about the vampires with an outside lens. But obviously he is about to discover how much “in frame” he actually is.

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #my meta #armand #louis #lestat

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hogwartshotel · 5 days

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putting on my trauma therapist hat

Full Moon spoilers under the cut.

Okay so if people are mad at Blitzø after that episode, send them here!

I am, in real life, a licensed therapist who works with PTSD, so I feel like I have some hopefully helpful perspective to offer here.

I've started to see a some "I get it, Blitzø has issues, but he fucked that whole thing up", and I want to talk a bit more about how PTSD works. If any of this resonates with you personally, I recommend seeking a therapist who specializes in trauma!

There are five categories in which we expect trauma to effect people's beliefs about themselves, others and the world, long-term: trust, safety, power and control, intimacy, and self-esteem. So let's take a look at those in this scene. They do overlap.

Trust. That heartbreaking line where Stolas says "I didn't realize you thought so lowly of me" is a result of Blitzø expressing that he's never had complete trust in Stolas's intentions. Hard to blame him -- trust is something we first learn in early childhood. Imagine trying to learn trust from someone like Blitzø's dad. People often have difficulty trusting not only others, but also themselves and their own judgment.

Safety. This really ties into power and control below. Imagine that Blitzø's whole personality has come from a desire to keep himself safe -- he's good with guns, he's his own boss, he doesn't have close relationships so he can't be rejected, he puts on an air of over confidence. Having any of that challenged can shake his whole set of beliefs about himself and the world.

Power and control. When something traumatic happens to us, we can often feel ourselves. We often try to limit our experiences to ones we feel we have control over, because our brains convince ourselves this will keep us safe. We've seen Stolas come to realize that their arrangement gives him more power over Blitzø than he's comfortable with. We've also seen Blitzø attempting to exert his own power -- by keeping Stolas at arm's length, by being the one to direct their sexual encounters (not saying that you need to have trauma in order to be dominant), by doing everything he can to keep the sex interesting so that Stolas won't end the deal. Stolas is doing the right thing by giving Blitzø the crystal, but it freaks him the fuck out. He's already figured out how to have power in the situation, and he's been operating under the assumption that Stolas also likes having this power over him (that part is more theoretical, but I see Blitzø as someone who assumes that everyone thinks the way he does about this shit). So having that dynamic suddenly changed makes him panic. It triggers a fear response. He reacts in a way that assumes it's a game or a trick. The idea that someone would willingly give up power sets of alarm bells in his mind.

Intimacy. Obviously, this is a big one in their dynamic, and it's going to tie in a lot to esteem. It is very common for folks with trauma histories to have difficulties forming intimate connections -- if you've read the above stuff about trust, it's probably easy to see why. In his part of the duet, we hear Blitzø acknowledging that the situation is feeling a little complicated, but that he's going to avoid that by focusing on the sex aspect. The idea of emotional intimacy is terrifying to him.

Esteem. Blitzø does not believe that he is capable of being loved, or that anyone who gets to know him will want to stay with him. We see a lot of that in the "bad trip" scene back in season 1. Hearing Stolas express feelings for him is terrifying. I'm not sure exactly what goes through his head, but it might be something like "I'm going to fuck this up," "he's lying," or "he doesn't know what he's talking about."

So. Imagine all of that getting triggered at once. I'm not saying that Blitzø handled it well or that he isn't responsible for his actions, I'm just saying it's really understandable that he didn't handle it perfectly. Quite frankly, I thought it was going to go a lot worse -- he does get angry and say hurtful things, but we immediately see him regret it and reach out to Stolas, and I was expecting him to need a lot longer to stop being angry. I am curious to see if he's going to go to a self-destructive spiral ("I always do this, I fucked it up again, why bother even trying") or if he's going to break the pattern and figure out a way to make it right. Seeing as the next episode is called "apology tour," I'm guessing we're going to see the latter -- but that is honestly huge character growth.

#helluva boss #long post #blitzø #helluva boss blitz #stolas x blitz #blitzo #hb stolas #ptsd #trauma #therapy #therapist #helluva boss full moon #helluva boss spoilers

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proxylynn · 10 months

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…..Im starting to like Damon…please tell me some canon facts abt him and his personality.

[*cracks knuckles* Okay...Here's everything from his bio page.]

Name- Stalker (real name- Damon) Color- Red Age- 30 January 6, Capricorn, chinese zodiac: Rooster, 1993 Height- 194 cm Gender- Male sexuality- Pansexual and poly but only with MC and DG Horoscope- Capricorn Personality- quiet, forgiving, curious, clingy, caring but also violent when he loses his temper, gets jealous easily. Ability- Good sense of smell, strong bite force. He pretty much has ability of wolf. Likes- gardening, roses, meat, calm music, bees, MC, taking photos. Dislikes- loud noises, the feeling of loneliness, getting heart broken, rough/bad scents. Work- Florist Voice- Similar voice with Legoshi from Beastar favorite animal- Bees favorite food and drink- Meat and coffee/energy drinks Kink- knife play/blood play, biting, gentle and rough sex, teasing, sadism/masochism, hair pulling, praise.

Backstory- During his younger years Stalker had always been very quiet and awkward around others. He wasn't very popular during his school years and he was bullied heavily due to his shy nature. To stay calm he would carry a rose in pot with him, this would lead to even more bullying. Eventually he became used to being bullied but things became more difficulty when he developed a crush. Being so shy he didn't have the courage to talk to her so he started to stalk her in hopes of getting to know her better. When he finally got enough courage to talk to her and tell her about his feelings things didn't go so well. When she realized that he had been stalking her she became very angry and disturb with him. She rejected him and ruined the rose he tried to give her as a gift of his love. She told other people about what he did and from then on people started to call him Stalker. He didn't care about being called Stalker and over time he accept it as his new name. But being rejected by his crush hurt him very deeply. This rejection angred him so much that one day he killed her. He was never caught for his crime but people suspected him to be the culprit, however they thought he's was to weak to do something like that. He was still bullied and he did his best to avoided others. The bullying did stop when he lost his temper after one of the bullies attacked him and ruined his potted rose. In his rage he attacked the bully and brutally beat them. Afterwards his parents decided to move away to get a new start for him.

As an adult he continued to avoided people but his loneliness and depression became too much for him to bare. He yearned to find someone he could be close to and love but he was fearful of being rejected again. So he went back stalking people he developed an interest with. Even though he believed he won't find anybody he hoped that one day he would find the right one. And even though they were just crushes he would get extremely jealous if someone flirted with his crush. He would kill the ones who tried to take his crushes away. During one of his killing episodes he meet Delivery guy who was trying to find a new victim. Delivery guy was very interested in Stalker and wanted to get to know him better and eventually they became close friends.

-He had crush on Angel but since she is very popular he never really got a chance to get close to her and tell her about his feelings so when the times passed he slowly began to lose the hope that he could ever be her boyfriend what eventually end up to giving up and moving on with his life. It was tough for him but it hurt even more not being able to reach to her. (not to mention he doesn't like being constantly jealous. Which happens a lot when he had to watch others fawning over Angel.)

Extra- -He works at flower shop. -loves dancing. -He played piano when he was younger. -loves swimming. -Has sensitive ears. -He doesn't really know how to cook (maybe simple ones) but pretty much because of this he usually eats the meat raw. (He can eat raw meat without any problem. He won't get sick.) -He owns a big bee plushie what he usually hugs when he's sleeping or when he's feeling sad. -He likes to play games with DG even though he's not very good at playing. -He's only ok sharing MC with DG but he can get jealous if DG gets more attention than him. -Loves chocolate. -Damon has sometimes thought about getting help because there been times when people has told him to get help so he gets these thoughts that he should but DG doesn't like the idea and always tells Damon that he doesn't need it and those people who has said that are wrong and he's perfect how he is. DG tries his best to turn Damon's thoughts away from it because he worries he will lose his friend.

#ask op #Damon #Stalker #broken colors #br0ken colors #br<3ken colors #lore

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will80sbyers · 3 months

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he enjoys killing and torturing because it makes him feel powerful

but he also wants to kill people so that they can't leave him (Mike has the same fear of people leaving him!!!!) and reject him ever...

"Obsession is how you love, but you love them only after you've killed them, and they could never send you away.”

he has a need of control on them because he has been abandoned by his mom that wanted to send him away, but also his mom is described as in having a distorted mentality with the idea that sending him away would have been also for his benefit because it would have made him normal...

and I already talked about my idea that he can't make gates on his own because metaphorically he has difficulty to connect with others emotionally (we know it's not impossible for him to connect because he did it with Patty! but it's very hard and after he kills his family he abandons himself to his worst part basically which is the mindflayer either metaphorically or literally)

so he has to use others to make gates through their minds... and he uses Eleven in this case, in the game he literally says She is the gate that will allow him and the mindflayer to conquer the world!

and he used Will to find Eleven...

because he had potential that inspired him to take over his mind

Also I love how bylers are always right that The key references are important to the plot 😉

#henry creel #will byers #byler #st5 speculation #stranger things #el hopper byers #Vecna's game

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nahoney22 · 1 year

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Prompt List Celebration 3000 Followers

Gregor X F!Reader

word count: 1.1k

NSFW

Prompts:

“do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?”

“you make me smile … and also super horny, but that’s not the point.”

warnings: NSFW, 18+ only please. Female reader. Semi-public sex outside, brief mention of p in v sex, fingering, really bad flirting, mutual pining, friends to lovers, fluff.

Masterlist

Gregor knew what he liked as soon as he laid eyes on, the very second you freed him from that cell with Clone Force 99. He didn’t exactly believe in love at first sight initially and had thought that this fleeting feeling would fade away but every second with you was worth a million more.

“Do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?”

The second his voice sings in your ears, an amused glow spreads on your features as you turn around to see him standing behind you. “Smooth, very smooth Gregor.” You tease although your heart raced at his sweet words.

His flirting was always terrible but something you never got tired of hearing. You’ll never forget your favorite one however: ‘do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?’

“I try.” He shrugs with a smile, walking to stand by your side as he gazes up at the moon. “What’re you doing out here anyway, gorgeous girl?”

Again, his flirting sends your heart a flutter but you okay it off causally so you don’t make a complete fool of yourself in front of him. Although, he made you feel so at ease that it would probably be impossible to do.

“Just taking in the fresh air. It can get rowdy on the ship sometimes, as you’ve seen.” You chuckle in amusement, making Gregor smile widely. Maker, he loved your laugh.

“True enough. Say, uh, I want to talk to you about something.”

His words are gentle and oddly enough, you had a hopeful feeling you knew what he was going to say. Well, you certainly hoped this flirting hadn’t been for nothing.

“Yeah?” You turn to him, eyes glimmering with a softness and hope that makes his heart melt.

Gregor’s hands begin to sweat a little bit, the nerve wracking thought of you rejecting him making him want to retreat but he has faced a lot of difficulty recently. But is the possibility of rejection somewhat worse?

He didn’t show it really, but he was always nervous around you, often trying not to stutter and trip over his words. But today, he had mustered up the courage to finally tell you how he felt.

“I think you’re beautiful, truly. In a- in a romantic sense.” He gulps, gauging your reaction. You’re grinning and nod for him to continue.

Gregor takes a step forward and doesn’t really process what he says next because as he nervously approaches you, he blurts out,

"You make me smile...and also super horny, but that's not the point.”

He panics for a mere second, seeing your eyes widen at his rather naughty confession. You had to bite back your laughter, sucking on the inside of your cheek as he quickly enabled on.

“The point is, I-I-I have feelings for you." He took a deep breath and looked at you with an intense longing in his eyes.

With your cheeks warming, you could see the nervousness and fear etched in his face, and in that moment, you realised how much this meant to him. Truly, meant to him.

You felt a rush of emotions and without hesitation, you silenced him with a feverish kiss full of lust and passion.

The kiss was electrifying, full of pent-up desires and unspoken words from your part.

So many nights and early mornings you lay awake thinking about this moment and your first kiss with him. You just hadn’t imagined it to be outside with you being pushed up against a tree just by the ship where anyone could see.

Your arms wrapped around him as he pulled you close, deepening the kiss with. Gregor was taken aback at first, but quickly responded with equal fervor and moans against your mouth in pure delight.

The two of you were lost in the moment, caught up in a whirlwind of emotions and sensations. But when you finally pull away, you’re both breathless and smiling from ear to ear.

"I had no idea you felt that way," you whisper against his lips, still caught up in the heat of the moment.

“Really?” He asks, somewhat surprised.

“No, of course I did.” You laugh lightly, a wave of relief washing over Gregor at your teasing.

"I've been too afraid to tell you, well, properly tell you." Gregor replied, his voice filled with repose. "But I couldn't keep it inside anymore. I had to tell you."

“And is it true?” You whispered, voice hinted with subtle desire, “That I make you horny?”

He gulps but nods quickly, especially when he sees the lust become blown in your eyes as you chew on your lower lip.

“Well,” you place a soft kiss to his jaw, moving down towards his neck, “don’t let me stop you from acting upon it.”

A guttural groan spurts out of the Clone and in a matter of moments he has you pinned round the back of the tree, out of vision from others, and has stripped you down to the nude. His lips, tongue and teeth graze every inch of your nude body.

“You’re fucking incredible to look at,” he sighs, biting so hard on his lower lip it almost drew blood. Brown eyes roam your soft breasts, his hand coming up and tweaking over your nipples that made you whine in pleasure as a heat pools in your stomach.

You’re muttering a whole load of nonsense but how can one focus when a handsome man has his hand between your legs, caressing your pussy like an expert that already had you grinding against his fingers. “G-Gregor..”

“That’s it cyare, grind your pussy against my fingers.” He chuckles cockily, kissing your cheek sweetly, however.

You’re submitting to him and it isn’t long until he has you bent over, hands splayed against the tree with your legs spread. His tip pushes inside you, both of you groaning at the pleasure of him filling you up as your juices soak his aching length.

“Beautiful. So beautiful.” He swoons, head tilting back as he adjusts to you, a hand splaying on your waist to offer comfort once he hears you groan in pleasurable pain.

“More, please Gregor.” You sigh in ecstasy and he obeys, beginning to rock his hips. Every inch of him slides in and out of you, both of you heavy panting but keeping your explosive moans at bay in case the others may hear.

Having sex under the moonlight was somehow so poetically beautiful in this moment. He is so gentle with you and as the moon rises, its silver light bathes the planet in a peaceful glow. Under its illumination, the two of you whisper exchange of words, sacred to you and with nobody else to hear.

With the air around you both filled with the sweet fragrance of the night, you will certainly not forget the beauty of this moment.

Masterlist

Prompt List - available until the 10th of February

Tags: @nunanuggets @andyoufollowyourheart @littlefeatherr @kaitou2417 @eyecandyeoz @captxin-rex @cwarssimp @jesseeka @ashotofspotchka @oohyesplease @megafrost4 @theroguesully @equalityforcats @mustluvecho @misogirl828 @ladykatakuri @jambolska-grozdova @chxpsi @arctrooper69 @padawancat97 @rain-on-kamino @either-madness-or-brilliance @cosmic-persephone @imalovernotahater @swiftiexstarwarssimp @staycalmandhugaclone @ko-neko-san @echos-girlfriend @whore4rex @fiveshelmet @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo @therealnekomari @autumnleaves1991-blog @tech-depression-inventory @brynhildrmimi @greaser-wolf @lucyysthings @tinyreadersmur @agenteliix @myinnerwonderlandmind @rintheemolion @hotpinkplastoid @the-good-shittt @photogirl894 @gokyacetakal

#nahoney22 writes #commando Gregor x reader #commando Gregor x you #bad batch Gregor #clone wars gregor #the bad batch #star wars #clone wars #tbb #Gregor x you #Gregor x reader

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seoafin · 8 months

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I just saw ur post about finding it difficult making friends and i really appreciate knowing I'm not alone on that. I've always found it difficult making friends and rn I don't have freinds at all! :3 still don't know why tho. Idk if u mentioned this before but what made it hard for u? I was starting to think it's some type of mental illness for me or maybe some personality trait i have, but I'm still clueless tbh

(Also this is probably my second or third time talking in Tumblr, I'm really not that social or talkative in here or anywhere else, especially irl, so u really gave me courage to communicate :D)

hmm i think it was really a fear of rejection and the fact that i was singlehandedly dealing with and trying to manage my extremely mentally ill mother at home because my older brother decided he just wasn't going to deal with her lol (he just went to his friends' houses i unfortunately did not have that luxury) so it just naturally closed me off to people until i realized i did not want to live the rest of my life alone. but yeah! i had a lot of difficulties trying to interact with people. it's easy to get discouraged when you feel your efforts aren't being reciprocated. but also cue that post where it has that love is not always freely given. nobody is required to reciprocate your love. it really is a patience game of finding people you click with. i'm glad i could give you the courage to reach out! i hope u have a great day friend <333

#i think one of the biggest things i've ever learned for my self growth is that you NEED to talk to people #many people cannot miraculously discern your hurts and wants and especially your resentment #if you stay silent and stew in your passive aggressive feelings it does absolutely nothing #my best friend and i had a pretty big fight last year and it was the first fight of our long relationship #i was always hurt because i thought she didn't put enough effort into our relationship and it was all one sided (on my side) so it escalate #and we talked it out but yeah. it was a mess lol

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donnerpartyofone · 5 months

Text

As a casual bystander, I see a lot of dialog about the economic aspects of AI art, and comparatively little about its actual artistic value--that is, what happens when the viewer consumes it. AI imagery can have a fun, surprising impact that I would compare superficially with broken english; someone who doesn't have mastery over the conventions of a language may come up with excitingly unusual expressions that would never occur to a native speaker. When I see AI art it seems like a lot of the action comes from looking at the prompt and looking at the image and kind of measuring the distance between them, trying to imagine the program's "thought process" if I can call it that. Sometimes these things have an interesting aesthetic too, but it's hard for me to tell where that comes from or how controllable it is (and I mean the real visual effect of the thing, not like "Oh I see, the prompt included 'comic book style'" or something). But the key difference between AI art and human art seems to be the physical presence of the person. I'm not even trying to be sentimental or something, I just mean when I look at most sculptures/paintings/drawings/installations/textiles/etc, I sense the person who made them. I get an idea about the physical energy and discipline and difficulty that went into the creation of the object, and I also get a feeling about what the artist meant by what they did. As a result of who they are and what they have experienced, they developed something that they wanted to say so badly that they were willing to undergo a major trial to say it in a highly specific way.

To be fair intentionality is really slippery and hard to prove unless the individual artist has been very explicit (and even then you can't always trust them, or you can decide their intention isn't as important as your interpretation), but to some degree the viewer is always helplessly projecting something about themselves onto the art and/or their personal construction of who the artist is. You look at art and you estimate what kind of experience that artist seems to have had, and your emotional and interpretive responses to the art naturally draw on your own feelings and memories. That whole part seems to be missing from AI art; of course there's the human composing the prompts, so there's a trace of psychology in that, but the actual creation of the work (as far as I can tell) is done by a program that is not reflecting on its own history, or the personal sacrifices that it made to build its skillset, or its feelings about its own social/political/historical context. Basically there is nothing the program is wrestling with, that the viewer might relate or react to.

Of course art is always a rorschach test on some level, and there is no law that says you have to view works of art as records of biographical fact. Actually there's a whole aspect of art history writing that totally rejects personal and psychological suppositions about art. One of my college advisors loved me when he saw my writing potential, and then completely turned on me when he realized that I was only interested in (or only capable of) a psychoanalytic style of interpretation (my thesis was on a selection of Crumb comics where the artist or his stand-in rides on or inside of powerful female bodies, driving them like tanks or jets, which I thought suggested fear, awe, and jealousy, not just garden variety misogyny). He was a pure historian; you were only allowed to do purely material investigations of the art object, and you could only talk about its larger historical context. He had done some big project on a famous painting cycle with an exclusive focus on the state of industrial paint production at the time of the work. In one of my first classes with him we all went to a museum where everyone was assigned a short essay on one piece there, and the rule was you could ONLY do a formal description, there could be NO interpretation. I wish I could think of the name of it, but my piece was just a clear plastic tube that was stuffed full of rubbish. Coming up with a compelling description of this thing was borderline impossible, I basically just had to list as many pieces of garbage as I could identify--which sounds sort of poetic and funny now, but I'm sure it wasn't when I wrote it. I don't know how much I learned from doing that, but I thought about this professor when I saw the Warhol Diaries docuseries recently. There's a late episode where they talk about Warhol's famous statements about wanting to be a machine and insisting that his art has no personal meaning, and a bunch of experts argue convincingly that his work is actually loaded with personal material, anxiety, longing, shame, etc--it's encoded with the things that Warhol was too afraid to say out loud in a literal way. One particular collector finds all of this totally repulsive and unnecessary, as if it's just a stain on the formal quality of Warhol's output. His way of seeing things is totally valid and not uncommon, but it's curious that he gets so angry when people see Warhol himself in the work. Now I wonder if and how this lens could apply to looking at AI art. Is it possible to do that same kind of purely formal analysis if you don't have an intimate understanding of the AI's mechanics? If it's not possible, and it's still IMpossible to view AI art the same sympathetic way we view human-produced art, what is left?

My question is not rhetorical, and I'm not saying that AI art can't be art because of the absence of human psychology; I don't know if I'm ready to make that conclusion. I think I'm saying that if AI art IS art, then consuming and appreciating it requires a really different philosophy than what most of us are used to using. It might even require a different definition of what makes something art. Maybe AI can produce art, but not art as we have known it. Are we sort of looking at AI art the way we look at shapes formed by clouds? That one looks like a heart. That one looks like a bunny. That one looks like a guy, but he's got too many fingers. My analogy is not perfect because there IS someone whose input inspires the shapes, but there is a similar entropic quality to what shapes are actually produced and why. If there is a God up there molding clouds into familiar shapes, then His thought process is probably beyond our comprehension. Our perception of familiar shapes may be pure projection.

#excuse me i have no idea what i'm talking about

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yellowymellon · 2 years

Text

🎂Owen's birthday card story : the ritual of starlight and words of blessings.🎉

Note: it's my first time translating so if it doesn't sound so fluent in English pls excuse me ( ；∀；) - Also I'll edit it tomorrow so it matches better while reading the story 👍 --------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1:

Akira: hello Owen, is it okay if we talk for a bit?

That day, i visited Owen's room.

After several tries, he finally opened the door

Owen: You're so persistant. What is it.

Akira: soon it'll be your birthday, i thought that i should invite you to hold the starlight and words of blessings ceremony.

Owen: ah, that wierd ritual that the twins said was ancient.

Akira : yes, it is a ritual inherited between the sage and the sage's wizards. We've been doing it on birthdays because it's a convenient day to gather blessings easily.

Akira: Things like getting fortune or enhancing magical powers, many good things seem to happen after holding the ritual, I'd like for Owen to...

Owen: alright.

Akira: huh...is it really okay!?

Owen: why are you surprised when you're the one who invited me.

Akira : sorry, to be honest i was ready to be rejected...

Owen: it's because some good things will happen to me.

Owen: or are you surprised because you're doubtful? You've been letting the other wizards go along with such an obscure thing?

Akira: no! Many good things happened to the others. I'm sure they'll happen to Owen as well.

Owen: you've said it.

the red and golden eyes came closer, and I wasn't able to say anything more.

Owen: if your words right now are just to make me spend some time with you on a meaningless ritual...

Owen: in that case, you know what'll happen right?

--------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2:

Afterwards, i collected three wizards to give the needed blessings for the ritual.

Mithra: you know what, I'm going to kill Bradley after all. I don't feel refreshed after i was stopped.

White: now now, don't fight again. For what reason do you think I'm here with you instead of being with snow.

Akira: you two were really going all out just now. Good thing snow and white got between you.

And now we are keeping watch on the separated two.

White and Mithra knew Owen for a long time so i decided to choose them from the northern side.

Cain: but I'm glad that Owen agreed to preform the ritual, it was so likely for him to be the last obstacle.

The third wizard was Cain, even though they're fated opponents, Cain wants to be friends with Owen.

Akira : even then, I'm happy that Owen agreed and is willing.

White: not honest as usual is he. Well, he has always been fickle and a bully.

Akira : I'm also thankful for all of you who gathered today. Let's all think about words that'll make Owen happy.

Cain:.... that's the plan but, if he receives blessings will he be happy?

Akira: huh?

Cain: things like fear and malice, i don't really get it. Well, here, what he likes, the words that make him happy, got the feeling of, gloomy and damp ones?

Mithra: that's right. That person isn't worthy of praise. Even if you say good things, he'll just make a wierd face.

White: basically, instead of blessings should we bad mouth him blessingly?

Cain: hey that's really challenging, i can't even imagine it...

Mithra: are you sure? It's really easy. For example...

The moment Mithra Opened his mouth, white covered my ears.

Akira: huh?

Mithra said something to which Cain reacted so impactfully. white then removed his hands.

Cain: that's absolutely not okay!?

White: truly! It's was a wise choice to cover the sage's ears.

Cain: that was indeed cruel, or is it more graphic to say the least...it feels like it'll appear in my dreams.

Akira: ehh?? What did you say Mithra?

Mithra: you wanna hear it again? Can't be helped..

Cain: wah! Hey! Sir sage don't listen!

White: Mithra dear, stop!

Once again, White covered my ears.

And that's how with great difficulty, we thought of a blessfull bad mouthing that would make Owen happy.

--------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3:

The day of the ceremony arrived. Owen and i visited the forest of dreams. It seems like the chances of the ritual succeeding is higher if we visit a place that has a connection to the wizard where we can see the starry sky.

Owen: humph. Weird clothes.

Akira: these are special clothes prepared by snow and white. It also looks good on you and suits the forest vibes!

Akira : then, shall we start the ritual? Owen, could you close your eyes?

Owen: .............

Owen didn't close his eyes. Feeling himself being conveyed through, i put my hand over his chest and lower my eyelids.

Akira: the first one is from white.

Akira: [you may be ill-natured, nasty and the worst, but i don't hate you.]

Akira : the next is mithra's....

Akira: [you're truly ill-natured, nasty and the worst aren't you. Well, you always seem bright and like you're having fun, that kind of carefreeness makes me envious. ]

Akira: and now Cain's...

Akira:[you're ill-natured, nasty and the worst. But i think you have a side worth respecting. I'll keep on doting on you as the wizards of the sage. Have a good day with sir sage.]

Akira : lastly, this is mine.

Akira: it feels like I'm slowly understanding what you like and what you hate day by day. In hopes of your continuous joy at the magic house, let many good things happen to you.

After finishing all i had to say, i felt warmth flowing from my chest. It seems like it has reached Owen through my hand.

Akira : with this, the ritual has ended....well, how was it?

When i Opened my eyes, i was faced with a displeased Owen.

Owen: one way or another, it feels somehow like i was told things that pissed me off.

Akira: and here we were trying to find words that make you happy....

Akira:(i gave up though....)

Owen: ha? And then?

Owen raised both his eyebrows and his voice sharply.

Owen: on top of that, nothing happened. It seems like you lied after all. As compensation, you won't complain no matter what happens to you.

His lips curled maliciously as he got closer and closer.

Thinking this is the right time, i held a package in front of his face.

Owen: what's this?

Akira: it's chocolate! Made especially for you.

Akira: with the help if everyone, we added lots of sugar...I'm sure the flavor will be to your liking.

Akira: see, good things happened, Owen!

Owen:........

Owen takes the package without his earlier malice.

And then he crushes it.

Akira: ah..!

Owen: you're looking down on me aren't you. are you trying to trick me with such thing?

Akira : that isn't what I meant....!

I stopped talking shortly after, because i felt something drop on my head.

When i looked up, i saw a bag stuck in a tree, it seems like its insides fell.

Owen: it's the lost belongings of an idiotic traveler.

Akira: lost belongings....

I heard on snowy nights, the snow piles up on trees. When that happens, the toxin of the forest fades, and hurried travelers might drop their belongings.

Owen: <<cure memini>>

Owen brought the bag to himself using magic, he opened the bag and smiled.

Owen: he~h.

Akira: what's insid- mhph!

The contents of the bag were shoved into my mouth, what spread in my mouth was ...

Akira: sweet!....are these sweets? Caramel?No,fudge?

Owen: i don't know the name. But those who cross the northern country usually tend to have really sweet things as nutrition.

Owen: i used to trick the lost wanderers and steal theirs.

Saying that, Owen ate from the fudge.those different colored eyes tilted into a crescent shape as if they're smiling.

Is this a coincidence...? But if that's not the case maybe the ritual was a success?

Owen: fufu. Between this candy and your chocolate, which do you think is sweeter?

Akira: .... I think the chocolate won't lose. Please try it as well.

Holding both of them to the stars to compare, Owen puts the chocolate in his mouth.

I wasn't able to see his expression that was hidden by the shadow of his hand.

But from the gaps of his hair, i saw his nicely shaped lips slightly arc.

--------------------------------------------------------

Posting it now for those who can't cope like me

Pls don't hesitate to tell me if there's anything wrong with the translation 💙💜

#mhyk #mhyk owen #mahoyaku #have mercy this is my first time translating #mahoyaku translation

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gunsli-01 · 1 year

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I’m not sure if you’ve talked about this before, but in preparation for her second trial I wanted to ask you what you think of Mahiru’s behavior in her first voice drama. The entire thing is extremely uncomfortable to me, but I might be viewing it from a biased lens. I’m just not really sure what point is trying to be made with her character, if you add her flirting with a fifteen year old into the mix…?

Sorry, this response is so late I've been out of town until yesterday morning and spent most of yesterday unconscious. While, I can understand some people’s discomfort when it comes to Mahiru’s behavior during her first voice drama… I can’t help but feel like it’s the same as harping on the use of fang in Triage. Where yes, her behavior can have negative connotations, but every other connotation is being conveniently ignored. “To extract that fang now.” Like oh Kotoko is in so much trouble the person with the brass knuckles and police baton is going to be taken out by the doctor who ultimately admitted that if he’s put under even an inkling of the mental stress or restraint the other guilty voted prisoners are under he won’t be able to help anybody not even himself.

That is wild to me. This man came into the interrogation room and admitted on tape that he is a bitch, and he would not live through what the Guilty voted prisoners had to. The only thing stopping him from getting the death he wants being other people don’t want to die. Then folks really came out like what if he hurts Kotoko she’s in so much danger if he’s innocent. Kotoko might jump his ass even if he is innocent let’s be real this is not about her and it never should be. Like wild…

Especially when like the literal second step to taking care of wounds caused by animals is removing any hair or teeth from the impacted area. You don’t dress the cut while the knife is still in you don’t put gauze over someone’s scrapped up hands with the thorns still in it. So, this line is far less threatening when you know that.

Just like Mahiru’s behavior in her first interrogation begins to make a lot more sense the more about attachment you know.

So, first… Let’s talk about secure and unhealthy attachment. Now I expect everyone in the Milgram fanbase to know a little about attachment theory. Predominantly about anxious attachment given how popular it has become to discuss that form of attachment in recent years and with how anxiety has been more widely accepted as an issue many people face. So, nervous habits like Haruka’s are easier for individuals to sympathize with while on the other hand the unhealthy form of attachment Mahiru displays can go easily overlooked or not be viewed as an attachment issue at all.

Even if she recognizes it is and warns people about it accordingly. “I’m going to start relying on you if you’re kind to me, so please forgive me, thanks!”

Attachment styles are usually looked at through a lens of consideration for children.

However, it’s been extended to adults as well and there are four attachment styles that adults can exhibit. Those being Secure, Avoidant, Anxious, and Disorganized.

“Individuals with anxious attachments are easily triggered and struggle to cope with their triggers (Johnson & Whiffen, 1999). Anxious attachment increases an individual’s need for closeness and also increases fears about the relationship and being rejected. Those who are more anxiously attached are more aware of their emotions but difficulties identifying and managing their emotions (Stevens, 2014). Avoidant attachment typically is associated with an avoidance of interpersonal closeness, a discomfort with emotional disclosure, and a desire for relational independence (Bartholomew, 1990; Mikulincer, Shaver & Pereg, 2003). Individuals with avoidant attachment typically mask their emotions and are less aware of their emotional state and are less reactive to their emotions, both positive and negative (johnson & Whiffen, 1999; Stevens, 2014).

Disorganized attachment is characterized by experiences of intense emotions and difficulty tracking one’s self and others (Beeney et al., 2017). Individuals with disorganized attachment struggle to engage in a predictable way because internal conflict experienced because of simultaneous fear of attachment figures and need for attachment figures (Rholes, Paetzolf, & Kohn, 2016).”

Mahiru’s attachment style and to an extent Mikoto’s mirror that of disorganized attachment. Where an individual is simultaneously afraid of having close relationships and stressed about not having any relationships. To really boil the problem down. It’s that feeling of don’t help me out because then I’ll believe you’ll be there for me but eventually you won’t be either because I’m too much or you’re too little but it’d be good to have someone to rely on to so…I hope you’re nice to me just a little bit. That stress of actually yes but no but maybe but no.

Unlike the signs of anxious attachment Haruka shows which is pretty much the opposite as he goes,

“I shouldn’t get too involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners they may misunderstand. It’s no good.”,

“You shouldn’t be too close to me bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I’m naturally good at. The more you know about me, I’m sure I’ll bring misfortune onto you as well prison guard.”/ “You, everyone, if you all knew me… If you knew everything I did…I’m gonna be abandoned, that’s bound to happen.”

There��s a stark difference between I’m warning you not to get close because I’m afraid of being abandoned and that encompassing fear of I’m afraid of both the positive and negative aspects that come along with being close to anyone. Because if you’re afraid of both and it’s impossible to avoid having either at that point you’ll just do whatever and hope things don’t get serious. This sort of person can’t push people away to avoid being abandoned because then they’ll feel isolated and seeking to stop that isolation may led to them being to close to someone causing their fear of being abandoned to spike. So, they try to stay in the middle either by building up social barriers between them and others or just flat out warning people like if you’re nice I may rely on you.

It's a form of unhealthy attachment that’s difficult to deal with/recognize because people with this issue don’t inherently seem like they have issues socializing with others when it comes to everyday situations. Most attachment styles form in childhood but people with secure attachment can undergo trauma later in life and develop disorganized or anxious attachment styles. Now Mahiru’s home life seems to have been fine from what we’ve been given so far.

However, her romantic relationship seems to have been problematic for both parties, with the focus on cheating and the implied length of the relationship along with how it ended with Mahiru considering herself a murderer to the point that unlike some who try to deny it or justify their choice she just goes, “Kill someone… I guess I did… I can’t really deny it, can I?”

Yet, the notion that Mahiru was flirting with Es kind of overlooks that as soon as Es gives their name and age Mahiru says,

“Fifteen years old and a prison guard! Really, at that age? Despite being so young, you’re so admirable! If anything’s troubling you can talk it over with big sis, okay?”

Mahiru becomes informed of Es’ age at the start of the interrogation and immediately takes on a big sister role all on her own. Mahriu recognizes Es’ annoyance at her turning the questions on him but keeps asking questions as soon as she thinks of them.

I wouldn’t really call that flirting I’d call it being a talkative airhead if anything. Something Mahiru is shown to be through her interactions in the timeline.

20/05/30

Mahiru: Hey, Kotoko-chan. There’s something that’s really been bugging me, so do you mind if I ask? ……how do you style yourself so well? Have you always dressed like that? Though, it also looks like something you’d wear for training. Do you play sports? Ah, or maybe some kind of martial arts?

Kotoko: ……you really are carefree. Everyone in here is a “murderer” right? Is this really the time to be asking questions like that?

Mahiru: Hmm, I guess so. That’s what they said. But nobody here seems particularly scary or anything, right? If I had to pick someone, then maybe you’re the scariest! Ah, wait, do you like yoga or something?

Kotoko: ……I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or if you’re just an airhead.

20/06/08

Mahiru: Shidou-san…… you’re really good-looking. Personally, I think you’d be better if you ate a bit more, but you’re slim and tall, and well put together to boot…… You must’ve been super popular up until now, right?

Shidou: ……yeah, that’s true…… I did my share of fooling around in the past.

Mahiru: Oh~? That’s not the sort of answer I’d expect from you. I’ve got it! Somebody told you that if you replied like that people wouldn’t resent you so much, right?

Shidou: Haha, I’m surprised you guessed. ……it seems that no matter what guise I put on, it’s meaningless against a woman’s insight.

20/06/10

Futa: Hey, why are you acting so carefree all the time? You’re the oldest of the girls here, you should act it and deal with the others properly.

Mahiru: Eh~? I’m acting carefree~? But maybe you’re right. I mean, I…… ah, let’s make this a quiz. Hey, Futa-kun. What do you think I like doing? Tick, tick, tick, tick……

Futa: Ahh, what even is this mood you’ve started. It’s annoying. Just tell me the answer already.

Mahiru: Bzzt! Time’s up! The correct answer is “travelling” and “exciting things”~ You don’t get many chances at a lifestyle as exciting as this, right? So, of course I’m going to be a bit carefree, ufufu~

20/06/19

Kazui: By the way…… thanks, Shina-chan. You keep going around and talking to people to make sure the mood never gets too sour, right? It’s a big help. We’re all in here together, after all. If a fight broke out the whole group could fall apart.

Mahiru: ……eh? Huh~? Ah, no, I’m just talking to people because I personally want to talk. All the kids are so cute, so I can’t help but want to fuss over them! A fight, huh… But if that ever happened, then you’ll definitely be a big help, right~? Since you’re so big! And buff!

Kazui: Ahh, no. I mean, I’ll do what I can. Based on appearance, as long as nobody has a weapon, I think I can probably get everyone under control…… No, we should just hope that nothing like that ever happens.

Mahiru: You know, I quite like watching martial arts, actually. I don’t really get it, but it looks super cool. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

The timeline is full of examples of Mahiru just being like this. Even if she tells Kazui she’s just going around and talking to the people she wants to. It can’t be overlooked that these small interactions heavily contributed to the light and comfortable atmosphere many appreciated during the first trial. She’s also shown to continually fawn over and spend time with the younger people in Milgram. Even though Futa says she should be taking things more seriously given she’s the oldest woman here by behaving this way that’s exactly what Mahiru is doing.

She's recognizing the situation is weird and trying to put a positive spin on it, so the others don’t get more stressed out. Like it’s a once in a lifetime adventure nothing to be scared over, it’s all good think of it this way if we weren’t here now we wouldn’t even have met and I’m happy I met you aren’t you happy you met me, let’s try to make the best of it. A scary thing is sometimes just something fun upside down. In fact, it’s something adults commonly do with people younger than them during stressful situations. It’s this thing called lying to them because the truth is fundamentally worse.

In this case the truth would be no one regardless of age has any idea about what’s going on here, where they are, and what the people in this facility may do to them.

This is hardly even conjecture on my part since we see Mahiru handle Mu in the way one would a child.

20/07/13

Mahiru: Right…… so you too, Mu-chan…… ……hmm, I guess it’s because of the environment here. Sometimes your mental state has an impact.

Mu: ……you’re the same, then? ……that it’s gone……

Mahiru: ……it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine. This sort of thing happens all the time~ Right, Mu-chan, do you want to eat something sweet? Jackalope-chan left a bunch of stuff out for us.

Mu: Yeah, I’ll eat them…… But…… I’d rather have mille crepe……

She sees Mu is upset, shows she understands why she is upset, and immediately diverts Mu’s attention to something else. It's literally how people are taught to handle upset children. If you can't give them the thing they want either because it's out or doesn't work for some reason divert their attention to something else. Like well that’s gone, everything's fine, things run out sometimes, but you can have this thing instead.

That's literally just being capable of dealing with children at that point. Which isn’t surprising for Mahiru given what we know about her hobbies and interests. That and the fact that it’s been heavily alluded to that she wanted a family and kids. Not only that but she feels like she’s behind when it comes to accomplishing that despite being 22 when she was incarcerated.

20/07/06

Amane: You want to know about my family……? My father is a truly wonderful person. He’s honest, values fairness and justice above all else, and will work himself to the bone for other people’s sake……. Why do you want to know?

Mahiru: Oh, I was just wondering what sort of parents you must have for them to have raised such a good child like you. Fufu, I’ll keep it in mind for the future when I raise my own family.

Amane: I see. If it will be of use to you, I’ll tell you more. It’s still a long way off for me, but for someone your age the prospect of finding a partner and having a family must feel a lot more real. Now that I think about it, I recall my mother was around your age when she gave birth to me……

Mahiru: Oof…! Even though you meant no ill with that statement, Mahiru onee-chan is suddenly really feeling the pressure~~!

The way she refers to herself even changes depending on the age of the person she’s talking to. Referring to herself as big sister with Es and Amane then with Mu and Haruka referring to them both as chan.

20/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……*sigh*……

Mahiru: Haruka-chaaan, come over here a bit! I’m looking up everyone’s horoscopes right now to check our compatibility~ What’s your star sign~?

Haruka: Ah, erm…… s-star sign……? I-I don’t know. Can’t remember…… B-but, my birthday’s June…… 22nd…… I think, that was it……

Mahiru: Ok then. June 22nd is Cancer, so…… A kind person who prioritizes their feelings, and…… hm? That’s today!? June 22nd! You should have told us~ Happy birthday~!

Haruka: Huh? Ah, yeah…… Th-thank you…… very…… much…… hehe……

Mahiru just has a genuine interest in getting to know people. The most important thing to her is mutual understanding. Something she highlights in her voice drama,

“B-but you know prison guard… I think having a mutual understanding of each other is pretty important.”

She doesn’t start asking Es questions until after she's given them information on herself. Even if she jumps the gun on introducing herself, she’s just expecting back what she gave. Like I introduced myself now you okay. This is a pretty common thing people do when they work with children. For example, my god daughter is in elementary school when she goes to school the teacher greets her and doesn't let her in until she greets them back. They do this in order to practice reciprocity when it comes to conversing with others.

I wouldn't consider teachers doing that flirting even if it went past good morning into an actual conversation. Such as the teacher asking a student if they had a nice weekend or about their spring break. Even outside of that framing, like it or not, Milgram is a place where the prisoners and the guard are all forced to interact with each other because they're basically living together.

So, of course they'll have to talk to each other especially during the interrogations. There are benefits in understanding how to have a conversation especially if we're looking to figure out what they did. Being closed off like Yuno or Kazui tends to mean we find out less about what they did. Now, to be frank there are some characters I don't give a damn about knowing better so folks can make up whatever they want but it's incredibly frustrating to have characters I would like to get to know better reduced to just one thing and then shelfed like Yuno.

I just don't believe Mahiru wishing to have a reciprocal conversation is grounds to say she's flirting with anyone. Because honestly if someone were to ask me a bunch of questions about myself then when I’m like okay so what about you suddenly they clam up I’d feel a way about that. Considering that I’d just given them knowledge about me but as soon as I make it about them, they’re walking away… I’d feel a bit used. Because they understand me better, but I know nothing more about them, I haven't gained anything from this interaction.

How is that fair especially if I go through the trouble of answering That’s not how this works, I gave them personal information now they should reciprocate that’s a social transaction, “I don’t just want to give. Both giving and receiving are good things.”

Now it can be interrogated if this was the proper place for Mahiru to apply that sort of understanding. However, she’s only treating Es the same way Kazui, Shidou, and Mikoto did as a child. Because Es is a child. I think the reason people are more suspicious of her than others is because she comes off as more sincere or genuine along with her fixation on discussing romance. Something Mahiru has repeatedly used as a conversational crutch to get comfortable communicating with others. It's not as though this is a subject she only brings up with Es.

So, to me it seems like she’s really been shot in the foot by how sincerely interested she seems to be. The fact that people can’t really tell if she’s serious or not led to her being misinterpreted greatly by fans and within the series itself. Something that’s not surprising given it’s much easier for women to pretend to be engaged in conversation with children than men because well “Oh, wow what’s a nice drawing you have there. Oh, my that’s so interesting I would have never guessed. Oh, whoa amazing- A prison guard at this age how admirable.”

Women are taught how to fake interest earlier than man are most of the time and usually with childrearing in mind. Mahiru is so good at seeming genuine that even Kotoko has to question if she’s taking a dig at her or if she’s just that stupid. Yuno even admits she’s finally figured out that Mahiru is just a natural airhead and not condescending in her first written interrogation.

Q.26 Has anything interesting happened in MILGRAM lately?

Haruka: Recently Mu-san has started talking to me more often.

Yuno: – Confirmed that Mahiru-san really is a natural airhead – Futa getting looked down on by Amane.

The reason that it’s been so difficult for people within Milgram to confirm this about Mahiru is because it’s incredibly difficult to tell if someone is lying when they’re sort of telling the truth. It comes off as genuine because she is impressed by the individual and excited to learn more about them but objectively it’s probably not the most impressive thing she’s ever seen. To be completely honest it is possible she may not even care about what the other person is saying at all or just responding reflexively.

At the end of the day Mahiru has lived twenty-two years whatever anyone beneath her age does in Milgram won’t be a surprise to her. She doesn’t even question why Amane a rather young child is in here for murder while fully understanding something she did resulted in someone else’s death.

“Do you fully understand the situation you’re in, Mahiru? You’re a prisoner who’s killed someone. You weren’t brought here to have fun.”

“Killed someone… I guess I did. I can’t really deny it, can I?”/ “Sin, my sin…I guess so.”

Unlike Mikoto who when genuinely confronted with the idea that everyone is a murderer is like huh no way. Mahiru knows she killed someone, to the point that she can’t even deny it, or attempt to justify why she did. Instead, as soon as the opportunity presents itself, she immediately diverts the conversation back to the topic she’s comfortable with. Es literally only says,

“Milgram exists to reveal the sins of you prisoners then hand down the appropriate judgement on said sins. So, for that reason, talk to me for a bit.”

Mahiru throws everything else Es has said out the window instead latching onto the word talk completely,

“Talk! Yay, let’s talk! Let’s talk! Prison guard, are you interested in me? That makes me so happy.”

Notice how she got rid of the word sin entirely, making the topic of conversation not her sin/murder like Es expressly brought up but herself.

Even Es catches Mahiru’s attempt to derail the interrogation muttering to themselves about it. Yet unlike Yuno and Mu before her Mahiru is persistent. She doesn’t need to make a deal with Es or the series to conveniently give Es an existential crisis because she just happened to ask the right question even though it tries. Nope she’s just chatty and if you’re chatty enough you can get away with not giving anyone the information they asked for.

She notes Es’ muttering stating, “What are you muttering to yourself about?”

Then when Es clears his throat and begins to attempt to take charge of the situation again before they can bring up the topic of sins once more or even ask Mahiru to introduce herself she chimes in with-

“I’ll start! I’m Mahiru Shina, twenty-two years old. I might not be much good at anything, but please be kind to me.”

Then turns the introduction directly back on Es as we’ve discussed before. Reciprocity is a great way to make people feel like they’ve gained something in a conversation even if they haven’t gained the thing they wanted. Because chances are if someone asks you a question and you start a different conversation, they’ll just forget about that question which Es did for a good while.

During the rest of Mahiru’s interrogation. Mahiru continues to lead the conversation regardless of how many times Es tries to put it back on track. Mahiru even throws in trivial information about herself to keep the conversation going in the direction she likes or just keep it flowing. Mentioning the magazines she read, offering herbal solutions to Es’ memory problems. Until she slips up but ultimately goes back into the topic, she’s comfortable discussing love.

When the mention of her crime does come up again, she clams up only responding with,

“I guess it did… I think it was love.”/ “I suppose…you’re right.”

Giving very short answers up until the point Es assumed she killed out of jealousy or due to a grudge. After that she’s suddenly very willing to elaborate on the situation,

“You’re wrong. It wasn’t that. I…never wanted to kill anyone in the first place! I just… I was… just being myself."

“What do you mean by that?”

“Not telling. After all I still don’t know you that well, prison guard.”

Mahiru is very aware of what she wishes to disclose and what she doesn't wish to. Instead of lying to Es which was something she could have done she bluntly goes I'm not telling you that covering it up with the fact she doesn't know the guard well enough. Just to give Es the impression that with enough time they'll get to know each other enough then she'll feel comfortable telling him that. It's the social equivalent of I'll tell you when you're older which is basically maybe this will come up again but it more than likely won't.

Now, if you’re discussing the ending of the interrogation specifically,

“Hey, prison guard, please tell me. If I love someone is that something unforgiveable?”

“I don’t know from the beginning, I never really understood what you were saying.”

“Oh, I see… I guess so. There’s something wrong with me, right? You can’t understand me, right?”

“Yeah, as of now.”

“Huh?”

“As of now I don’t understand you. That’s what I’m saying. But I will soon. Just wait and see. To be honest, the topics brought up in this interrogation were entirely outside of my area of expertise. Because of that I may have to deepen my understanding just as you said.”

“Prison guard.”

“I’m your prison guard even if I have an aversion to something or there’s something I can’t understand doesn’t meant I’m just going to give up on you and deem it hopeless. Not until I’ve judged your sins and decided if I forgive them or not.”

“Eh? Does that mean you’ll always keep an eye on me?”

“What? Well, it’s my duty after all.”

At this point Mahiru has difficulty containing her excitement and vocalizes it for the second time. Unlike Haruka who attempts to contain his excitement within his first voice trial but cracks a grin at being being slapped.

“What is it?!”

“My heart skipped a beat.”

“Just what on earth are you saying?”

“I… guess I love people who are enthusiastic about their work.”

“You- you’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

“Ah, this isn’t good! Be careful, okay. Um…um... If you’re that kind to me, you could die as well. Just- kidding..?”

“I wasn’t trying to be kind to you or anything like that. From the start I’ve just downright haven’t understood a thing you’ve said. However, rest assured, I promise no matter what you do, what you think, I won’t die.”

This gets another audible display of excitement or joy out of Mahiru.

“Because I’m Milgram’s prison guard-that’s why.”

Mahiru can no longer contain her excitement and gets up from her chair as we can hear her shoes clack against the floor a few steps before the song extraction machine whirs to life it’s bell ringing startling her from her movement and causing her to ask,

“Wha-what is this? Is it because my love exploded?”

“No, it’s the end of the interrogation- Goodness sake… things never go as planned, do they? With you prisoners I mean.”

Then Es explains, “The personal experiences I see how true to life the videos are, and the degree of abstraction that all depends on the person. It may even depend on how each of you perceives your own sin.”

This has nothing to do with Mahiru just wanted to point it out again given the new trials and me seeing some statements about how prisoners can’t lie in their videos because this expressly told us that they can it just depends on the person. They can lie in their videos if they want to. It’s their fucking minds making them. It makes sense that the videos would be impacted by their beliefs, interests, or how they view their actions.

It all comes down to how they personally view it and what they think is important at that moment. This is why Mikoto’s was so jarring from the start because unlike the other prisoners who know exactly why they’re here he’s not conscious of what he did wrong. So, he can’t dress it up well because he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be dressing up. We see everyone else do this to an extent throughout trial one.

Like it’s so fucked up that anyone is even going the prisoners can’t lie in their songs or dress thing up at all. Like yeah Shidou’s victim was the flower person, Kazui didn’t destroy a relationship he really only broke a vase, Yuno didn’t get an abortion she popped a balloon, Mu was really trapped in that hourglass, and Futa wasn’t on twitter he was actually the protagonist of an isekai stuck in a video game world where he was really fighting level bosses, and Haruka is from the crayon version of chalkzone.

Then like one of my friends keeps saying Mikoto didn’t kill more than one person he just teleported behind the guy at the beginning of MeMe who ran under the underpass got hit with a bat from behind then is somehow still the victim we see crawling on the ground because the video can’t lie so Mikoto must just have VIP access to the fucking backrooms. Fuck it Kotoko didn’t jump two different people she kicked that guy in the alley in the face so hard he had to get reconstructive facial surgery then he became a child abductor then she had to hunt him down again and put a stop to him for good. Amane wasn’t in a cult unless you consider the cult of popularity one she was actually a child actress on a well know public access show in Japan who was complicit with the death of one of her fellow child actors who got an onset injury as a result of her parents religious belief not to give people medical help and the punishment she received after the first time she did it. The next person that got hurt she just watched them die and that’s why she’s here.

Nobody did anything wrong there’s no victims here except victims of circumstance as far as the eye can see. Except for Mikoto who under this idea is just a god who can bend reality and not only didn’t need to work at that job but just really didn’t need to resort to murder at any point either. If this were the case at that point he could’ve robbed a bank. So, I guess he’s guilty everybody else though can go home.

The extent people will go just to try to prove one thing even when it’s notably false and has been stated to be so from the beginning is wild. Like no they can also lie in the videos no one ever said they couldn’t in fact the exact opposite was said. This can also lead to them making themselves look worse like in the case of Mikoto, Haruka, and Mu’s. Usually as a reaction to if they feel their interrogation went poorly. Because they go directly into the machine after the interrogation and that will be the freshest experience on their mind which will of course impact the video extracted.

Back to Mahiru. Yeah, I gotta admit that is weird but she’s not the first prisoner to behave in this matter when it comes to enjoying being watched or controlled. That would be Haruka yet I don’t see people saying he was flirting with Es when that happened. In fact another character even calls Haruka’s response to being slapped kinky but most overlook that. Even though at this point that’s clearly what it is since he is deriving pleasure from pain and being controlled.

So, if we want to put some sexual or flirtatious spin on Mahiru’s behavior that rightfully stands for Haruka as well. Just because she’s older than him doesn’t mean all of her actions are subject to sexual scrutiny but his aren’t. He’s seventeen according to him when he was brought to Milgram and as of 2023 with the continued celebrating of birthdays implying aging is still very much a thing within Milgram he’d be twenty going on twenty-one in June because he had a birthday after being brought to Milgram.

Like this may be an assumption on my part but I thought since we were celebrating birthdays they were aging. I did assume they weren’t celebrating birthdays for nothing. Like I don’t think they’re in stasis because Shidou and Mikoto are notably still aging both of their hair has grown out and everything. It even appears as though Amane has gotten taller because even slouched down, knees bent in her season two art she seems to be above the height she was at incarceration.

Something that subtly calls attention to this idea is the interaction Haruka has on Mikoto's birthday last year.

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

Outside of taking into consideration they are aging while in Milgram. A lot of people who are seventeen do have sexual relationships, some even have them younger than that. Most of the male friends I've had have told me they’re first sexual relationship/experience was before the end of middle school. So, in fairness if this is going to be something interrogated for Mahiru it’s only right that Haruka’s behavior is interrogated as well.

Like, I’m not saying this is a bad point to consider. I am however saying consider it for each prisoner who was acting in this way instead of just dogpiling on one because Haruka’s behavior was also suspicious and continues to be so. Yet, I understand how pointing out Haruka’s flaws when it comes to this can seem like shifting the topic and like whataboutism.

So, when it comes to Mahiru behaving in this way at the end of her interrogation I think it’s weird but not out of character for her. Mahiru never tells Es that what she values the most is love. Because it’s not what she values the most, at least it’s not what I think she values the most. What she values the most throughout her first trial interrogation isn’t love but being understood and understanding the person she loves.

Not just wanting to put in the effort to understand them but them doing the same when it comes to understanding her.

The thing she’s interested in is having people pay attention to her. Like really pay attention to her and not just go on about themselves. This is why I think she gets overly excited when Es says they aren’t just going to stop trying to get to know her just because they can’t understand her immediately. That’s why she immediately goes something’s wrong with me right you can’t understand me right? Just to then go wait don’t say things like that when Es earnestly states I don’t get it right now but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to because it’s his job after all.

Getting to know them, seeing their sins, judging them, that’s what the guard of Milgram is meant to do. It’s the exact opposite of Mikoto who’s like I would hate for someone to be watching me. Milgram is separated on another level outside of maturity. Those who want to be watched, those that don’t, and ones who seem indifferent.

Those who want to be watched: Kazui (Wants to be viewed as guilty), Shidou (Wants to be viewed as guilty), Futa (Wants to be viewed as Innocent), Mu (Wants to be viewed as Innocent), Haruka (Wants to be viewed as Innocent or Guilty or just fawned over by someone???), Mahiru (Wants to be viewed as Innocent to the point she cold opened with if you can’t forgive me I’d rather die.)

Those Who Don’t: Yuno (Has stated she doesn’t want our opinion in three different ways), Amane (Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you but if you do agree we could work together), Kotoko (Would rather be a team because it’s easier if we agree but doesn’t seem against the idea of taking action on her own), Mikoto (Literally hostile/defensive towards being perceived and has been since Milgram started.)

Though this goes back into the discussion on attachment above at this point and how Mahiru wants closeness but is afraid of what will happen if she gets to close.

Mahiru even pulls the same thing we see her do in her first interrogation with Es on Futa. Pulling him into her pace with ease and the only ones to call her out for this and meet her where she’s at is someone she says has cheater energy, Shidou, and Kazui who thanks her for her hard work when it comes to keeping the atmosphere light which she plays off like no, no I do this because I want to.

Which should sound rather familiar.

20/06/29

Yuno: ……mmm, the food here is pretty nice. I wonder if the guard made it…… Oh yeah, Mahiru-san, do you cook?

Mahiru: Hm? I do~ Cooking, washing, cleaning, I love doing all those sorts of things~ Fufufu, I passed all my self-imposed training to become the perfect wife with flying colours!

Yuno: Wow, incredible… I don’t know whether to call that old-fashioned or what. ……isn’t it a pain?

Mahiru: Eh~? I don’t think it’s a pain at all~ It’s fun~

This sort of behavior is something her and Mikoto have in common since they’re rather quick talkers moving from one point to another like that. This may be why she dislikes him a little bit even though she’s accepted the nickname. It can be incredibly difficult for two people with the same communication habits to get along because most of the time one will end up speaking over the other. Basically Mikoto and Mahiru seem like the type to be a bit more interested in learning about others and move away from discussing themselves. Usually holding themselves back because they believe they’re talking too much or turning the topic to the other person when they don’t want to discuss themselves.

They’ll give a little information about themselves but they both have it in their heads well I’ve told you this now can you answer x for me. It’s a social transaction. Best example of this with Mikoto is his interaction with Shidou.

20/06/20

Mikoto: ……oh, so you are here after all. Shidou-san, are you free? Let’s chat~

Shidou: ! Ah, just give me a moment…… Um…… I don’t mind talking, but you didn’t need to come over while I was smoking. Are you sure it isn’t too smoky for you? You’re not a smoker, right, Kayano-kun?

Mikoto: Ah, you don’t need to put it out! That’d be such a waste! I smoke too occasionally. Though just vape. Like, the smoking room is a really good spot for communication, right? So, I thought now might be a good opportunity to talk with you. Not like I have anything else to do.

By the way, I’ve been wondering for a while, but do you always wear those gloves?

Shidou: I don’t…… How to put it…… I suppose…… since I have my hands covered all the time, then when I take them off, it feels as though the feeling in my fingertips is even greater…… I know it’s probably all in my head…… but that’s how it feels.

It’s not exactly an insidious thing to do and I’d like to say it’s a very common thing amongst people in my age group. Though it’s more honest to say I do it a lot myself. Where you’ll tell someone trivial information that’s common for most folks and then ask something you were interested in knowing about them. Something not as common but specific to who they are. It’s kind of difficult to deal with people who communicate like that or be someone who communicates in that way.

Because eventually people they talk to will come up and go hm I don’t really know much about you what do you like exactly without realizing maybe that was intentional. There’s a difference between subjective truths and objective facts is my point here.

Mahiru even attempts to do something similar to what Mikoto did there with Shidou to him. This situation highlights how Mahriu uses the topic of romance as a sort of conversational crutch and how Es isn’t the only person she does so with. After their somewhat rocky introduction, Mahiru goes out of her way to create a sleepover environment, orders specific futons, invites Mikoto and Kazui all just to roll over as they’re meant to be sleeping to Mikoto specifically and say,

“Hey… Did you fall asleep already? Is there a person you like?”

To Mikoto’s visual discomfort as he goes, “No…but… What is going on here?”

Like the entire minigram makes it seem like Mahiru sprung this on Mikoto and Kazui was an accomplice. Mahiru admits to planning it even down to ordering specific futons. Kazui being the third person here, one of the people Mikoto is comfortable with because well he has a nickname, they smoke together with Shidou, and no kids being present. Or even any other girls despite Mahiru claiming this is the perfect environment for girl talk she's the only one there to our knowledge I guess I don't know how Kazui and Mikoto identify I suppose they could be fluid which diversity win??? We're not gonna go into that here. The point is they're male presenting.

Mahiru didn’t invite any female presenting prisoners or the one canonically cis one Mu. I still can't believe I can say that now. Instead she invited Mikoto who probably showed up because well it’s Kazu and Mappi. So, it should be fine then she does this. It's giving the same energy as Mikoto going oh Shidou is smoking good chance to talk to him and break the ice except instead of waiting for the chance Mahiru just creates it.

Something we’re shown she has a habit of doing in This Is How To Be In Love With You,

She has misgivings about Mikoto. Has claimed he has cheater energy but is still trying to break the ice and relate to him by discussing a topic she enjoys romance. This is also one of the rare moments we see Mikoto get annoyed or put off. Responding to Mahiru with,

“So, you made it into that sort of situation? That’s why- you wrote futons on the supply list. I was surprised you were able to change the bedding.”/ “Poor Guard-kun.”

To the point Kazui has to break in and be like,

“Don’t criticize Mahiru too much the place and atmosphere is very important when it comes to discussing certain things. Hmm, not sure if I have any girl talk material. How about a story of a messy love triangle from the place I used to work at?”

Which elicits this response, “You old man…”

Really displaying the closeness and mutual understanding between most of the older inmates. It gives that vibe of the kids are asleep let’s talk shit as Mikoto is there like how did I get dragged into this if I knew it was this sort of thing I would’ve went back to my cell. As if they knew each other outside of Milgram they'd probably all go drinking together.

Mahiru actively invites people she considers her peers maturity wise to this. Yuno isn’t here, Mu isn’t, Kotoko isn’t none of the girls close to her age just Mikoto a guy a year older than her and Kazui the thirty-nine-year-old. Despite that, I’ve rarely if ever seen anyone say she was flirting with Mikoto here. Because we know she isn’t because she’s complained about him saying he has cheater energy.

I really don't understand how presuming she’s flirting with the fifteen-year-old in her interrogation is somehow easier to conclude but hey we are laying next to each other, about to sleep right besides each other, and I'm asking if you have someone you like this is clearly platonic though. No one said shit about that. Again, I understand how she could come off that way. However, given all the people she’s spoken to about romance in a somewhat flirtatious way to only highlight the interrogation with Es seems like cherry-picking to me.

Milgram does a good job of highlighting the various maturity levels of the characters as they communicate with each other. Showing to me that there’s a high chance the most mature people within the prison would be as follows Kazui, Mahiru, Mikoto, Yuno, then Shidou. Yes, Yuno is before Shidou. Because she’s called Mikoto and Mahiru both out on their people pleasing antics and is the one to step up and focus on the mood when Mahiru and Mikoto were put out of commission by their verdicts even if she says she doesn’t like to be bothered.

Shidou is also just more likely to let kids walk all over him given his experiences and can come off as though he’s talking down to those younger than him instead of with them which is kind of immature in my book. I think one of the points of being a “proper adult” should be being able to talk to people younger or older than oneself like their people not idiots, or someone who are beneath you usually meeting them where they’re at and reading the atmosphere. Everyone on the list I made up there has shown themselves to be good at that to varying degrees.

This is also why Kotoko and Futa aren’t on this list because they can’t do that at all. Sure, they think they’re being mature…. Anyone that’s actually mature or has had to take responsibility for others will get annoyed with their shit and try to sort out their behavior through communicating with them or avoiding them. Like Mikoto on Kotoko’s birthday. He doesn’t just talk to her because he’s nice.

His behavior could also be interpreted as him going this is a problem child, who has lashed out once already but directly confronting the issue like he did with Futa is something he recognizes won’t lead to her reflecting on her behavior- Because Kotoko is under the belief that she’s doing what the guard wants her to. The guard has already voted him guilty and made him into a bad guy in her eyes him stating her behavior is wrong could be taken as validating it’s right because why should she care about what a guilty person says.

That’ll just get her to fight him so he tries the nice way, the prisoners can’t physically fight each other now that the guard is awake so let’s try to call a truce for now and discuss exactly what her issue is during this time. She’s still younger than me so it’s up to me to be the mature and bigger person as an adult. Because twenty would be a child to a twenty-three-year-old with a job just as eighteen or twenty would be a child to a twenty-two-year-old. Hence why Mahiru invites Kazui and Mikoto to this girl talk sleepover but not any of the other girls.

I don’t really think anyone would be surprised by how many people above the age of twenty-one consider twenty and twenty-one too young or still a kid where I live. It’s basically everyone I know. Though most twenty- and twenty-one-year-olds are like I’m just like you I’m in my twenties I’m an adult I can drink and honestly like uh huh yeah they are but for the most part only legally… We’ve seen Milgram mess around with this concept with how Futa reacts to Yuno playing children games her little brother liked.

For a good deal of people, a lot of a person’s early twenties is just pretending to be mature and trying to distance oneself from childish things which can lead to people being more immature and sort of closeminded. Kind of the I could never be wrong age for people who never really went through that much before finishing high school. Admittedly I was more in Yuno or Mikoto’s boat mindset wise before graduating high school. So, I already had a heavy focus on reading the atmosphere due to certain experiences I had up until that point.

Though with characters like Futa and Kotoko they both seem to have not really experienced much of the things they dislike about society. Which makes it easier for people who have experienced stuff like that to hate them because their activism/help comes off as self-indulgent performative nonsense to anyone who’s dealt with societal struggles.

Mikoto and Mahiru usually give objective facts about themselves and tend to keep away from subjective truths unless put under a considerable amount of stress.

22/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Mahiru: My birthday…… the day I was born…… But was there really any reason for me being born? Lately I’ve started to wonder that. Do you ever think about stuff like that, Yuno-chan?

Yuno: Eh? Not really. I mean, Mahiru-san, you’re really the romantic type, right? Not that I have anything against that. But isn’t it a bit much to think that everything in life has a meaning? If it makes you happy to think like that then go ahead, but if it doesn’t, then isn’t that in itself meaningless?

Mahiru: : ……you might be right. I’ve always just lived my life like this, so I don’t really know.

Yuno: We’ve all just gone through a bunch of things in life that happened to lead us here. It’s nothing more than a coincidence. Definitely not fate or anything. Probably. Even if there isn’t a meaning, you can still be happy that it’s your birthday. That sort of thing’s all you need in life really. So happy birthday, Mahiru-san.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

When they do, they’re usually the ones to quickly shut themselves down. Either asking someone else what they think or going well what use is talking about it gonna do. Because they both seem to be people who tend to want to handle their issues themselves or not worry others. Not to call out everyone but that’s a very common thing amongst people in their age range when Milgram started.

Yet, it is kind of adorable how Mahiru attempts to catch Mikoto off guard by discussing romance stuff with him something he may not have much of a grasp of but she could discuss all day when Kazui, Mikoto and her are having that little sleep over. During her first interrogation even when Mahiru brings up Es being in the height of their adolescence or the springtime of youth. That's mostly due to her interest in shoujo manga where the protagonists of that tend to be around Es' age. So, even that's not that weird when considered fully.

What I'm getting at here is there are other explanations for all the characters actions that can put them in a more negative or positive light. However, I feel if one thing is going to be interrogated with one prisoner it's only fair to interrogate the same thing with others. Since a lot of the prisoners have acted in ways that can be perceived as inappropriate towards Es and it's odd to only single out Mahiru in this regard.

#milgram #shina mahiru #this is really long

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skaikruswan · 2 years

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I walk beside you - chapter 4

Summary: “I have not heard these words in ages,” a deep, male voice says, and before you can answer, you wake up.Your dreams start changing once you realize that you’re not alone as you think. Who is this man and why does he know you? How do you know him?

Pairing: Dream / Morpheus x reader

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 My other fics / prompts

Ao3: Sweet dreams for everyone who leaves a kudo or a comment.

It had been a minor error, a lapse of judgement. Experience has taught him that you don’t always react favorably to his status as immortal being. In antiquity, he had often been considered a god, and it had made things with you easier. If you considered him a god, you usually would accept him as an Endless. In medieval times, he had encountered difficulties; more than once, you had deemed him a demon or an evil spirit. It had taken patience and understanding to explain matters to you, and even thus, you had sometimes rejected him, poisoned by fear and chained to your beliefs.

Morpheus must admit that Matthew’s intervention helped defuse the situation, allowing you to focus on something more palpable, even if this was a talking raven. He will give you time to process. With you, he has little doubt that you would be deterred by him.

Almost all your incarnations have loved the library and judging by your awestruck expression as you spin around, taking in the countless books, you won’t be an exception.

“This is no ordinary library, right?” you ask, and he gives you a nod.

“It is not. Maybe I should allow its librarian to tell you more.” Morpheus waits as Lucienne arrives, adjusting her glasses. Morpheus watches you tilt your head as you acknowledge the new person.

“I am Lucienne, the librarian of the Dreaming. It is good to see you,” Lucienne introduces herself, and Morpheus notices the pleased twinkle in her eyes. Each incarnation entering the palace will sooner or later meet Lucienne and many friendships have been formed. Morpheus understands that you need other people to talk to than him in his realm, just as he needs people to confide in about you. Lucienne often shares the pain of losing you, and it has always been a comfort to know that she mourns for you too.

“This amazing. Can you tell me more?” you ask, your eyebrows flying up for a second as you notice Lucienne’s pointed ears. The librarian notices it too and the corners of her mouth twitch. Morpheus knows that Lucienne keeps a journal somewhere in which she writes down how often your incarnations have asked a question about her ears, and how long it had taken.

“This library is the largest library there ever was. Every book that has ever been written, dreamed, imagined, or lost can be found here,” Lucienne explains, and Morpheus appreciates the pride tinting her words. A library is only as good as its librarian.

“Really?” you ask and then head for a shelve to pull out a book. It must not be the one you’ve been looking for, since you click your tongue, your eyebrows furrowed. You push it back and turn towards Lucienne.

“It was one of my favorite books as a child. I think it was part of a series, with a boy and a girl jumping into their favorite books. Can you find it?” you ask, your gaze full of childish delight, and Morpheus recalls that Lucienne could never refuse you. It doesn’t take long before Lucienne finds the book, and you give her a radiant smile. Morpheus wonders how long it shall take before he will receive one. He feels no envy, only anticipation.

“Now I can even find it back in the real world,” you say, your fingers gliding over the spine of the book. You give it back to Lucienne and start wandering. Morpheus is content with letting you explore the library, observing you. It has been too long. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and during his imprisonment, his mind had found a refuge in his memories of you.

You let out a cheer every time you find another favorite book of yours, and your joy is like music to his ears. Sooner than anticipated, you return, your hunt for books finished for the moment.

“What else is there to know?” you ask, and Lucienne gives him an inquiring look. He subtly inclines his head, the movement enough for Lucienne. You remain oblivious, your back turned towards him.

“Every person has stories in the library,” Lucienne says, her tone more cautious than before. Given your curious nature, you will ask questions. Just like in the storm, you will push on.

“Every person?” you ask, your eyes narrowing. Morpheus can almost see the gears inside your mind turning. You move and position yourself so you can see him and Lucienne.

“Indeed.” He will have this conversation with you, as it concerns you, and to some extent, him. Reading you is like reading an interesting new tale, and he notices every small movement. You are chewing your lip, one hand resting on your hip, your posture relaxed. You feel at ease, yet you’re choosing your words carefully.

“Is there a book about me?” you ask slowly, your gaze darting between him and Lucienne. Such a heavy, pivotal question.

“There is,” Morpheus answers, completely focused on you. Your eyes widen for a moment, but the corners of your mouth drop, as if you weren’t completely satisfied with the answer.

“So, there are books about past-me?” you inquire further, nervously gesturing with your hands. Morpheus must commend you for coming to the right conclusion.

“There are. While I understand your curiosity, you must refrain from reading them. Nothing good will ever come from delving into a past that is not even yours.”

Morpheus wishes that he hadn’t found out the hard way.

536 AC.

Humanity is suffering. A mysterious fog has robbed them of the sun, of warmth, and like every living being on this planet, they are starting to wither. Hunger and disease ravage them relentlessly. Death is their constant companion. His older sister is needed every moment, while his younger sister, Despair, is thriving.

Misery has found its way under their skin, into their heart. Some of them no longer find solace in dreams. His dreams and nightmares have alerted him that the more and more dreamers stay mostly indifferent to their efforts, dulled by the hardship they face in the waking world. Humanity is starting to become numb.

He finds you near Fiddler’s Green, sitting in a grass, enjoying the sun on your face, experiencing what you should have in the waking world.

As Morpheus approaches, he realizes that your cheeks are wet with tears, your eyes staring blankly at the blue sky.

“My mother died. Now Mary and I are the only ones left, and Mary has been coughing without end. I tried to find food for my mother, but in the end, she didn’t even have the strength to chew. I had to dig the hole to bury her because everyone else is gone and Mary is too weak.” Your face is gaunt, and you have wrapped your thin arms around your knees. Your voice is dull. He hates to see you suffering and he feels powerless in his inability to improve your situation.

“My love, I am sorry.” He sits next to you, and you slowly rest your head on his shoulder.

“I wish I could stay here forever. I hate every minute that I am not dreaming. The only time I feel joy is when I am with you,” you whisper and Morpheus almost sighs. They have had this conversation many times before, but even he cannot break the rules of his realm. A human cannot survive in the Dreaming. Their mind may survive, but the body in the waking world will waste away and die.

“What can I do to bring you joy?” he asks instead.

“Read to me. Your voice is so soothing.” How could he refuse you? He picks you up and carries you to the library immediately, feeling your bones poke through your skin.

-----------------------------------------

Morpheus has gone to retrieve another book when he hears your furious scream. He follows the sound of your voice and finds you holding a book in your hands; one you shouldn’t have found.

“In my previous life, I had everything! My family was loving and alive, I had found you sooner, and most importantly, I was happy! This is not fair!” you scream, hurling the book through the library. It slams against a wall with a loud thud, and Morpheus winces. He knows exactly what incarnation you are referring too. He carefully picks up the book and runs his finger over the spine, a silent apology. Every book of you is very dear to him.

“My love, stop. This will only bring you grief,” Morpheus says, his voice gentle as he slowly steps towards you. Like a cornered animal, you lash out and grab the next book, your eyes flying over the pages.

“I can’t believe it. This version of me even managed to marry you! I suppose I will never share that glee. Then again, I can’t blame you. Who would marry someone this close to their deathbed anyway?” you snarl before letting out a bitter laugh.

“You are incomparable. I cherish every moment I have with you. Please do not doubt my feelings for you,” Morpheus insists, hating the resigned look in your face. He realizes that he will not change your mind, that his words are falling on deaf ears. You let the book drop to the ground, and you may as well drop his heart.

“You may not compare, but I do, and I find myself to be lacking.”

You close your eyes and fade from the Dreaming into the waking world.

------------------------------------------

These were your last words. The next night, he doesn’t find you in his realm. Crossing into the waking world, he finds you embracing your sister in your shabby bed, serene and joined in death.

Did you give up on yourself, on life? The cause of your death had haunted him for centuries.

“Will you tell me why?” you simply ask, your voice small, and Morpheus feels relief.

“In due time.” He will tell you once he’s made certain that you will truly comprehend. Morpheus will never lose you like he lost that incarnation. He has taken the books of every incarnation and has created a private corner in the library, one that only he and Lucienne can access. When your absence grows talons and missing you feels like claw marks on his heart, he reads a book of your incarnations, a bittersweet remembrance, hurting and soothing at the same time.

You suddenly wobble, your arms stretched out to catch your balance, and Morpheus grabs your hands, steadying you. You squeeze his hands.

“Is something wrong?” you ask, your voice as shaky as your knees.

“Don’t worry. Your body is waking up while your mind doesn’t want to,” Morpheus explains. This dream is almost over, but he hopes that you will join him the next night.

“I don’t want to leave your library of dreams,” you pout and Morpheus chuckles. You are not the first to use that description.

48 BC.

Morpheus smells the burning wood, hears the anguished cries, and feels the heat almost searing his skin. The Endless don’t directly intervene in such affairs, but he still feels sorrow as he watches the Library of Alexandria fall victim to the flames. It had been a thriving center of knowledge and progress. Many dreamers carried this place into the Dreaming, having found solace and continuing their research even in their sleep.

“Oneiros!” Finally, he hears your voice among the fleeing crowd, and he opens his arms. You lean against him, your tears wetting his clothes as you let your emotions run free. Your own clothing is filled with soot and scorch marks. While you find comfort in his presence, Morpheus lets his fingers glide over your skin, searching for injuries.

“I can’t believe it’s gone.” You let out a small sob, but your eyes burn with fury. “Why would one destroy this palace of knowledge?”

“I don’t know, my love,” Morpheus answers as he guides you away from the fire. Destruction may lead to change, but those under its cruel hand never agree. His brother has no simple task.

“Take me to your library. Please,” you beg, your gaze almost empty as your rage seems to have burned out, unlike the fire devouring invaluable scrolls and manuscripts.

“As you wish.” Morpheus presses a kiss against your temple and brings you both into the Dreaming.

---------------------------------------

Your sharp mind has always impressed him. Your thirst for knowledge has pushed you to learn more, study harder, to find out what lies at the core of the universe. He remembers how you first thought him to be nothing than a figment of your own brilliant imagination. It has taken a while for you to accept him, to accept the Dreaming, your rational mind refuting what it could not logically comprehend.

His library has been the key to your heart; you both have spent hours upon hours poring over books, with you peppering him with questions about the past until you wake up, only to continue the next dream. You have started a journal, writing down everything you learn. While you have hidden it well, you sometimes write small bits of poetry about him in it. While your mind is full of knowledge, your heart also needs a way to express itself. He can’t wait for the moment you choose to share it with him.

“Your library truly is the library of dreams,” you almost swoon as you rest your head on his lap, enjoying a break in Fiddler’s Green.

“I am glad that I can share it with you,” Morpheus replies, his fingers carding through your soft hair.

“Do not worry. You can return,” Morpheus says, still holding onto you. So far, you have made no effort to let go off him.

“This was a nice first date.” You give him a sheepish smile and Morpheus watches as you fade away from the Dreaming.

Lucienne and Matthew had urged him to catch up on the 20th and 21st century. This millennium is abuzz with change and there have been many norms, expressions, and advancements to comprehend.

He understands the notion of a date. Courting you will always be a privilege and a joy. He cannot await your next dream.

#the sandman #the sandman x reader #dream x reader #morpheus x reader #dream of the endless #my writing #my sandman fics

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spoiledbooks · 2 months

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In Memoriam

Author: Alice Winn

Characters: Henry Gaunt Sidney Ellwood

Synopsis: "It's 1914, and talk of war feels far away to Henry Gaunt, Sidney Ellwood and the rest of their classmates, safely ensconced in their idyllic boarding school in the English countryside. At seventeen, they're too young to enlist, and anyway, Gaunt is fighting his own private battle - an all-consuming infatuation with his best friend, the dreamy, poetic Ellwood - not having a clue that Ellwood is in love with him, always has been. When Gaunt's German mother asks him to enlist as an officer in the British army to protect the family from anti-German attacks, Gaunt signs up immediately, relieved to escape his overwhelming feelings for Ellwood.

The front is horrific, of course, and though Gaunt tries to dissuade Ellwood from joining him on the battlefield, Ellwood soon rushes to join him, spurred on by his love of Greek heroes and romantic poetry. Before long, their classmates have followed suit. Once in the trenches, Ellwood and Gaunt find fleeting moments of solace in one another, but their friends are all dying, right in front of them, and at any moment they could be next."

–

I have finished this book after staying up and three cups of tea at four in the morning. Gain and Elly's story is so absorbing and riveting. This book has left me with a lingering feeling that I myself cannot put into words. The detail in this book is magnificently written, though very dark and gruesome. Chapter Fifteen will be the most memorable chapter of all the books I have ever read. I have never shouted so loud on a pillow over my head. What I love about this book is how relatable it is to me somehow. The unrequited love between Elly and Gaunt at first - the shyness; the insecurity; the fear of rejection; the unspeakable tensions; the body languages. I have all experience this and the familiarity has very much left me with goosebumps. Oh the languages of love! I did not cry in this book but I remember how heightened my emotions while reading this book. And this is one of the books that I would probably forget the plot details but would still strongly recommend to everyone. The book ended with Elly and Gaunt living together in Brazil. They are only about in their 20's. 21 and 22 if Im not mistaken. Elly was greatly affected by war and probably is having PTSD and was having difficulty with expressing his words and he has been grumpy and has anger issues post-war. Gaunt says "I love you" in the end but Ellwood is unable to say it back replied with "I cannot heave my heart into my mouth." As Gaunt was staring into his eyes, Elly added, "Shakespeare, King Lear." (Elly loves poem in the early years). And to this Gain replied, "There. It's a start."

I have not read King Lear but the amazing Google has given me a bit of help. It says King Lear's moral of the story is, "a person's actions speak louder than words alone."

#in memoriam #Alice Winn #gaunt #Ellwood #gaunt and ellwood #Elly #ww1 #gay fiction #book #Waterstones #1914

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submissivegayfrenchboy · 2 years

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05 / 11 / 2022

🇬🇧🇺🇸 ENGLISH / ANGLAIS 🇺🇸🇬🇧

🌈👨‍❤️‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏳️‍🌈

MOVIE RECOMMANDATION

BROS (2022)

Should a romantic comedy be political? In any case, this is the position of the film BROS, which is still Hollywood's first gay romantic comedy.

The co-screenwriter of the film, Billy Einsner, plays a homosexual in his forties, working in particular on the creation of the first LGBTQIA + museum in America (and therefore in the world). At the same time, he will fall in love with a muscular man, Aaron. But the difference of physical appearance, mentality and social background could keep them apart. Will they end up together? You have to see the movie to find out.

The film is really very funny, very sincere in its subject, and we feel the investment of Billy Einsner in the writing of the film, in particular in his frustration of not having had a good career and of having been rejected by his sexuality.

The film is colorful and funny, with lots of references (some sometimes too American to be understood by non-Americans peuple), but there is also a real message, a subject that makes it a profound film. If there are of course clichés about romantic comedies, this could have been amplified.

Above all, there are a lot of clichés about members of the LGBTQIA+ community, but never maliciously. This could not be the case, since the film was entirely directed by non-heterosexual actors or with allies from the LGBTQIA+ community. Thus some stars make their appearance by playing their role.

Above all, the film points to the excesses of homosexual behavior that prevent you from finding love:

the cult of the body and of youth

the fear of commitment

the addiction to sex

the difficulty of combining private and professional lives

lack of interest in really getting to know others

lack of desire to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community

dating sites where people are looking for more sex

toxic masculinity

lack of open-mindedness

Sexual hook-up with several people

Differences between generations

late coming out

talking about one's feelings

sentimental exclusivity

...

Many themes are illustrated in this way, and Bobby and Aaron, the main characters, question these themes in their own way.

This is why it is interesting to have taken a couple with different men from each other. If Bobby (Billy Eisner) is confident and knows who he is, he is nevertheless sometimes uncomfortable with his body, while Aaron, with a more masculine appearance (a hot muscled body) but above all a more masculine attitude, sometimes lacks self-confidence and needs to be reassured. Thus, the heroes complement each other.

Of course, the film is also worth for its love story and not only its social side. If it proposes a reflection around gay love by questioning the difference between gay love and heterosexual love, the film does not seek to give a single answer. During the film, and even if it could have been developed, several kinds of love are shown, sometimes with irony but never with malice.

The film is nonetheless a film about the love of two men. Luke MacFarlane - who has played both gay and straight characters in romantic comedies (especially Christmas ones) - is particularly sexy with his amazing body, so obviously seeing him naked is a treat. There are also several sex scenes, because even if they could have been more numerous, it is still more than in heterosexual romantic comedies.

The two men have a real bond, even if there could have been more scenes showing the evolution of their feelings. Of course, there are adventures that I won't reveal, and their love, despite the fact that it is a romantic film, remains surprisingly realistic because the ending is happy without being too caricatural or cliché.

I really appreciate the plot around the project of creating an LGBTQIA+ museum, even if we could have specified whether the museum is mainly about the history of homosexuality or the history of queer characters. And were these queer people chosen solely for their sexuality or because of their commitment to homosexuals? The film remains rather vague on this, and sometimes gets bogged down in debates that will not interest everyone: why did Bobby insist about the hypothetical bisexuality of American President Abraham Lincoln, and not mention the character of Alexander III of Macedonia, more known as Alexander the Great?

In short, the film sometimes remains confused and a little too communal, but it is certain that we can recognize ourselves in at least one of the situations crossed by the characters. For once straight guys are good buddies, not gay guys, and anyone can watch this romantic comedy.

Indeed, it is pleasant to watch and the actors play rather well.

The film is not pretentious in the sense that it does not seek to denigrate the contribution of other films or television series which have been useful to homosexuals, and the intrigue around the museum serves as a reminder that homosexuals have always existed. in history, whether it be famous people or in society. Beyond art, history and LGBTQIA+ culture, the film shows a beautiful love story between two sexy, funny and nice men.

Despite a classic story, the film has some good surprises in store. I give it a rating of 16/20, I recommend it whether you are gay or not.

Tell me in the comments if you plan to see it, or if you have seen it, or when you will have seen it.

🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍👨🏳️‍🌈

000000000000000000000000000000

🌈👨‍❤️‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏳️‍🌈

🇺🇸🇬🇧 FRANÇAIS / FRENCH 🇬🇧🇺🇸

RECOMMANDATION DE FILM :

BROS (2022)

Une comandie romantique doit-elle être politique ? C'est en tout cas la position du film BROS, qui est tout de même la première comédie romantique gay de Hollywood. Le co-scénariste du film, Billy Einsner, y incarne un homosexuel d'une quarantaine d'années, travaillant notamment à la création du premier musée LGBTQIA+ d'Amérique (et donc du Monde). En parallèle, il va tomber amoureux d'un homme musclé, Aaron. Mais la différence de caractère, d'apparence physique, de mentalité et de milieu social pourraient les éloigner. Vont ils finir ensemble ? Il faut voir le film pour le savoir.

Le film est vraiment très drôle, très sincère dans son propos, et on ressent l'investissement de Billy Einsner dans l'écriture du film, notamment dans sa frustration de ne pas avoir eu une bonne carrière et d'avoir été rejeté par sa sexualité.

Le film est coloré et drôle, avec pleins de références (certaines parfois trop américaines pour être compris par les non-Américains, mais dans l'ensemble ça va), mais il y a aussi un vrai message, un propos qui le rend film profond.

S'il y a bien sûr des clichés sur les comédies romantiques, cela aurait pu être amplifier. Il y a surtout beaucoup de clichés sur les membres de la communauté LGBTQIA+, mais jamais avec méchanceté. Cela ne pourrait pas être le cas, puisque le film a été entièrement réalisé par des acteurs non-hétérosexuels ou avec des alliés de la communauté LGBTQIA+. Ainsi quelques stars font leur apparition en jouant leur rôle.

Le film pointe surtout du doigt les dérives des comportements homosexuels qui empêchent de trouver l'amour :

le culte du corps et de la jeunesse

la peur de l'engagement

l'addiction au sexe

la difficulté à conjuguer vies privée et professionnelle

le manque d'intérêt à connaître vraiment les autres

le peu d'envie de faire partie de la communauté LGBTQIA+

les sites de rencontre où l'on cherche plus du sexe

la masculinité toxique

le peu d'ouverture d'esprit

Les différences entre les générations

les plans avec plusieurs personnes

les coming out tardifs

parler de ses sentiments

l'exclusivité sentimentale

...

Beaucoup de thèmes sont ainsi illustrés, et Bobby et Aaron, les personnages principaux, questionnent ces thématiques à leur façon. C'est la raison pour laquelle il est intéressant d'avoir pris un couple avec des hommes différents l'un de l'autre. Si Bobby (Billy Eisner) est sûr de lui et de qui il est, il est pourtant mal à l'aise parfois avec son corps, alors que Aaron, avec une apparence mais surtout une attitude plus masculine, manque parfois de confiance en lui et a besoin d'être rassuré. Ainsi, les deux héros se complètent.

Bien sûr, le film vaut aussi pour son histoire d'amour et pas uniquement son côté social. S'il propose une réflexion autour de l'amour gay en questionnant la différence entre l'amour gay et l'amour hétérosexuelle, le film ne cherche pas à donner une seule réponse. Au cours du film, et même si cela aurait pu être développé, plusieurs sortes d'amour sont montrés, parfois avec ironie mais jamais avec malveillance. Le film n'en reste pas moins un film sur l'amour de deux hommes.

Luke MacFarlane - qui a joué des personnages gay comme des personnages hétérosexuels dans des comédies romantiques (surtout celles de Noël) - est particulièrement sexy avec son corps de rêve, donc évidemment que le voir nu est un régal. Il y a d'ailleurs plusieurs scènes de sexe, car même si elles auraient pu être plus nombreuses, ça reste toujours plus que dans les comédies romantiques hétérosexuelles. Les deux hommes ont une vraie complicité, même s'il y aurait pû avoir plus de scènes montrant l'évolution de leurs sentiments.

Bien sûr, il y a des péripéties que je ne vais pas dévoiler, et leur amour, malgré le fait qu'il s'agit d'un film romantique, reste étonnamment réaliste car la fin est heureuse sans être non plus trop caricaturale ni cliché.

J'ai beaucoup apprécier l'intrigue autour du projet de la création d'un musée LGBTQIA+, même si on aurait pu préciser si le musée est surtout sur l'histoire de l'homosexualité ou sur l'histoire des personnages queer. Et ces personnes queer ont elles été choisies uniquement pour leur sexualité ou en raison de leur engagement pour les homosexuels ? Le film reste assez floue là-dessus, et s'embourbe parfois dans des débats qui ne vont pas intéresser tout le monde : pourquoi avoir parlé d'une hypothétique bisexualité du Président américain Abraham Lincoln, et ne pas mentionner le personnage d'Alexandre III de Macédoine, dit Alexandre le Grand ?

Bref, le film reste parfois confu et un peu trop communautaire, mais il est certain que l'on peut se reconnaître dans au moins une des situations traversés par les personnages.

Pour une fois, ce sont les hétérosexuels qui sont les bons copains, et pas les gays, et n'importe qui peut voir cette comédie romantique. En effet, elle est agréable à regarder et les acteurs jouent plutôt bien.

Le film n'est pas prétentieux au sens où il ne cherche pas à dénigrer l'apport de d'autres films ou séries télévisées qui ont été utiles aux homosexuels, et l'intrigue autour du musée permet de rappeler que les homosexuels ont toujours existés dans l'Histoire, que ce soit des personnages célèbres ou alors dans la société. Au-delà de l'art, de l'histoire et de la culture LGBTQIA+, le film montre une belle histoire d'amour entre deux hommes sexy, drôles et sympas.

Malgré une histoire classique, le film réserve de bonnes surprises. Je lui attribue la note de 16 / 20, je vous le recommande que vous soyez gay ou pas. Dites-moi en commentaires si vous comptez le voir, ou si vous l'avez vu, ou quand vous l'aurez vu.

🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏳️‍🌈👬🌈👨‍❤️‍👨🏳️‍🌈

@awesomecrowdcontrol1 @leftprogrammingroadtripdean @gayhopefullove @gaywrites @gayandcute @gaycharacteroftheday @lgbtcinema @lgbt @lgbtco @lgbtlaughs @lgbtposts @queerlovenow @queersecrets @queer-all-year @fgsidekick @bat-woodfeet-us @emerldarchr @fartfagoutlet @fartfinder @lovefanfiction01 @rainykpoptravelcreator @innerpiratefun

#Recommendation #Movie recommendation #Recommendation de film #Film #Movie #Bros #Billy Eisner #Luke MacFarlane #Gay #Homosexualité #Gay couple #Love #Post personnel #Personal post #TV series #TV series recommandation #Série télévisée

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sovonight · 1 year

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I'm about to start BG2, which of the 3 paths for the Xan mod do you think is most in character for him?

well it's the same author as his mod for bg1, so they should all be in character for him, right…? 😒

idk. with the way i prefer to read him, i would guess that the friendship path is the least infuriating, and then his bonded romance, and then his nonbonded romance. i haven't even played his friendship path in bg2, but his romance paths are just. urgh.

his bonded romance has too many opportunities for sex at the expense of actually being able to talk to him, and the times you do get to talk to him, more material than i'd like is recycled from the first game bc of charname's possible amnesia, which detracts from any sense of familiarity/intimacy that the few rare good interactions with him provide. i guess one could consider this path to be in character if you think he's allo and was just too depressed to be super horny in bg1, but bg1 easily let me read him as acespec (his colors are literally purple and gray and he'll only enter a full romance during the timeline of the game if you're able to bond with him in a way that transcends any physical intimacy?? it writes itself) and it's like he stopped being fully himself once bg2 rolled around. another thing i hate is he has moments where you can literally step all over his boundaries, and even if he does speak up against you, you can still demand that he do it, and he'll just do it against his will. sure "devotion" and whatever, but that's not his brand of devotion--it used to be that if you willfully crossed his boundaries, he'd just end the interaction

his nonbonded romance is... it's just kind of tough to get through. the premise is "there was a spark but it was never followed through on," but it kind of assumes that charname broke things off in bg1 (even though it could've just as easily been xan who broke it off, depending on how you played), so it's more like "xan still has feelings for you and flirts with you but he's also disgusted and horrified by you so he holds you at arm's length the whole game." also he never dies in this path, he only dies in the original bonded path, so they're basically saying he gets to live if you just reject him in the first game and change your mind in the second and let him treat you badly until he apologizes and then all is well forever. like??? there's a convo later down the line where you can comment on how absolutely difficult it was to get to this point where he actually openly loves you, and one of the options is "well the difficulty makes getting here worth it," and to that i say no, absolutely not. what makes this path even worse is that you also get more Xan Lore (tm) here than in the bonded path--there's a whole story he tells that you never get to hear otherwise, and his lengthy apology for treating you badly had more thought put into it than most of the conversations in the bonded path. not to be like "it's so unfair :'((" but to be a bg1 xan romancer and not get an equivalent amount of thought put into him in the bonded path?? am i being punished for loving him too early???

i get the feeling that the author was trying to replicate the drama of his romance path in bg1, to make him just as "difficult" to love, but i didn't find him difficult in bg1 at all--he's just traumatized and fearful of loss, and thinks himself that he's difficult to love. his appeal in bg1 was his compassion and understanding and sorrow for the unfair situation charname is in--and now you're telling me that he's become part of that unfairness? sure, he didn't know she was a bhaalspawn for most of bg1, but he saw how she suffered, and has traveled with her long enough to know and respect her as a person. after his first knee-jerk reaction of horror, wouldn't he change his mind rather quickly? having him be genuinely apprehensive abt charname being a bhaalspawn in his bg2 nonbonded romance path walks that backwards and actively undermines his bonded romance path. in the nonbonded path, he says outright that he would be ok with charname being a bhaalspawn if they were already bonded, which isn't a great look bc it comes off as either "i can only find it in my heart to be ok with you if i'm literally chained to you" or "maybe if you didn't end my romance early in bg1 i wouldn't be disgusted by you now". what exactly is good about hearing that???

like props to the author for finding a way to make him involved in the plot and accessible to new players, but 90% of my gripes come from the allowances made to make that possible. he doesn't need an arc, or a storyline, or to be involved in the plot, he should just be in the sequel to hang out

tl;dr, take the friendship path, or even better don't recruit him at all. yes, i personally can't bring myself to play anything but the bonded romance path in bg2 bc it makes me sad to not be special to him in-game, but you! you can be free! friendzone him and have a stronger will than i!

#sovo answers #sovo note

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septembersghost · 1 year

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(1) the gen z/elvis ask was beautiful, and you can post this if you want so they can read it. i've been crying over him today because i'm so tender-hearted about how little his pain was recognized during his lifetime and still today. it isn't fair that he can be treated as a joke with how much of himself he gave to everyone, how hard he tried to find a way to be kind and considerate and entertaining to people who did not understand him. he loved people so much even when he could not get what he

needed from them, when he remained uncertain of why they were with him, whether they truly "got" him or if this lonely part of him would always be there, or if he was doing enough for them. and that is so inspirational to me BECAUSE of how very human it is. his impact on my life is so much stronger because i can see how complex and real and imperfect and fierce and loving he was, all at once. it inspires me to love myself and to love others better, and to not hold back because i'm waiting for everything to line up just right, or to be certain of the outcome, or to imagine that any of us can afford to reject each other because we fall short all the time. he would be so taken aback to know that the parts of himself he was afraid to share - his addictions, his depression, his fears, his ill-considered mistakes - made me love him more, made me understand my faith more, made me feel so, so moved and encouraged by him because he got down in the dirt with people and did not ask perfection from THEM before he gave them his love and time. so i am not going to expect perfection from anyone before i love them, starting with him and starting with me. :')

thank you darling ;____; and thank you so much for sending this. 💙💙💙

i haven't talked about this a lot, but i feel a certain connection to him regarding health stuff and the depression, and the way people can hold that against you in a certain way, and either tally it as some sort of failing or turn it into infantalization (there's probably a better word for that), instead of still seeing the person you are in your soul despite difficulties with your physical condition. your mentioning that he'd be taken aback if he knew that those things he was scared to share made you love him all the more reminds me of that, because i feel the same way. and it aches to think of that fear that people would view him as less because of it, yet i understand why that existed. we all struggle with that, the worry of being...never enough. not giving enough, not loving enough, not being enough. he had that expansive sense of love and that profound humanity and that transcendent spirit, and sometimes i think that's simply a lot to carry. when you have no choice and don't know a way of living except to give that, but hurt and loneliness is unavoidable too. the fact that he's been so often reduced to something else altogether (riley saying portrayals of him have been "silly." the idea of making someone into a parody? god.), it just pangs my heart because of all that he actually was.

i've been crying over him today because i'm so tender-hearted about how little his pain was recognized during his lifetime and still today. *hugs you tight* i get this completely. it's hard to understand that lack of recognition once you have fallen in love with him like we have, not only because it's distinctly unfair, but also because once you SEE and empathize with that, it feels impossible to ignore? it IS so tender, and i don't say that it has a spiritual element lightly either. it makes my breath catch a little because it hits me in such a direct and resonant place. it's not necessarily news to you that i gravitate towards people exploring love and exercising kindness, but the way he expressed that is distinct and powerful. exactly as you said, he didn't ask for perfection or hesitate to meet people where they needed him, that love and kindness was simply existent within him.

so i am not going to expect perfection from anyone before i love them, starting with him and starting with me. 😭🥺 i'm going to take the liberty of saying this would make him really happy. i know it would. it's difficult for me because i'm miss mirrorball world class hard-on-herself, only other people deserve love and understanding! yes i recognize that's irrational!, so reading this is honestly inspiring, and maybe he'd want me to do better with that too and i can keep trying. i just believe he'd welcome us in with such open arms.

everything you wrote here is so beautiful and so heartfelt, i'm very grateful you shared it and the love you have for him (and the film!), it made a difference to me before you even knew it did. it's a blessing in my life. i love him and i love you.

#CHELSEA!!!! 🥰💗#this is gorgeous i wish i could wrap my arms around you and him #tbh part of me wishes i could've joined you wrt the film much sooner #but last summer i was decidedly Not Okay and having more trouble processing and it feels like he knew the timing wasn't going to be right #i joked about this with you but el was standing at my door going: hello? this has been open between us for years girl #how are you NOT hearing me?#with me going: i do hear you but can you hold on?#and then he was like: fine. i gotta cosmically get you the long way 'round. let's go #there's something about the fact that you played a part in that which is very shimmery #joons #letterbox #elvis presley #i was a dreamer #ahhh tumblr does not like me trying to type anything tonight but i WILL persevere #*#throwing this into the personal tag actually #bubble wrap around my heart #sail on silver girl; sail on by

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