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the-anonmaton · 2 days

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The Burden of Battle

Relationships : Sevika x Reader Characters : Sevika, Original Female Character Tags : Fluff, Massage, Light Angst, Domestic, Fluff and Angst, Scars Words : 1,477 Summary:

What about caring for a tired Sevika?

**********

It was an easy night after a hectic week. Both of you relieved to return to the place you called home for a much needed rest. You ate your food discussing the situation in Zaun, both hopeful and in good spirits about how things were developing. But your good work didn't come without a toll and you sure as hell knew the burden that came with her position. You could see it in her exhausted eyes and the scars marring her body. But you also knew the importance of the cause and her unwavering loyalty. She wouldn't let some minor inconveniences like sleep or life threatening injuries to stop her. It was a blessing and a curse, and you both loved and hated her for it.

After you finished eating she poured herself a hearty serving of whiskey and went outside to smoke her cigar, since you were adamant about you being the one cleaning up after your meal and ushering her out of the kitchen. If it was up to you she would never have to do any more work than what was absolutely necessary. She is doing more than enough as it is. You can take on a measly table and a few dirty plates.

A few minutes later you came in the bedroom only to find her lying face down on the bed, eyes closed, metal arm hanging over the side of the bed, clothes and boots still on. You smiled softly looking at her, although you couldn't help the pensive look that overtook your face. But you managed to school your features as you approached her. You fell to your knees bringing your face at her level and started to thread your fingers through her hair. She hummed, half-opened her eyes, saw your soft smile and smiled back before closing her eyes again and letting out another hum, enjoying your petting.

"How about a bath, love?"

"I'm tired."

"I know, but I promise you'll feel better."

No response. In the silence you could only hear her breathing.

You slipped your hand from her hair to let it rest between her shoulder blades and purposely pushed down with your whole palm, following with your thumb making circling motions applying slightly more pressure at the spot. She hummed again.

"Come on, baby. And after, I'll help you relax. You know you'll like it."

You had her. By now you knew she would always relent to the promise of a massage. She often joked that you held too much power over her. Too bad your power couldn't do anything about the weight of the job she was carrying on her shoulders. Maybe you could help lighten it, just for a while.

"Hmm… okay."

Smiling to yourself after your success, you gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, rose from your kneeling position on the floor and went to prepare the bath for her. You only heard a grunt of protest to the sudden absence of your hand massaging her back while making your way to the bathroom.

**********

Getting her out of her clothes wasn't the easiest of tasks, but you couldn't complain as now you were both sitting in the warm water, enjoying each other's company and feeling the struggles of the week washing away. You are propped up on one side of the bathtub while she is laying in front of you with her metal arm hanging over the side, her other arm caressing your knee below the water and her head resting on your shoulder with her forehead touching the side of your chin. Your one hand is resting on her stomach, lightly stoking her with your fingers while your other hand has returned to its previous task of threading her hair, simultaneously getting it wet so you can clean it properly. Seeing her relaxed face and hearing her occasional humming you couldn't help but hold her tighter and kiss her temple.

"Feeling better?"

"Hmm… Love you, baby."

"I love you, too."

You both stayed in the tub until you started to feel the water getting colder and reluctantly stepped out to towel yourselves before getting dressed. You put on a pair of panties and one of Sevika's old t-shirts which was a lot baggier over your relatively smaller frame, while she put on only her boxers knowing what was to come.

You were looking yourself in the mirror, fixing your hair in a ponytail when you turned to see her sitting on the edge of the bathtub trying to dry her hair with the towel. She was favoring her right side, the purple bruise from a few days ago was almost gone, but not the ache underneath, if her struggling to hold her arm up was any indication. You slowly walked towards her, placed yourself between her legs and put your hands on top of hers.

"Let me."

She blinked up at you, looked into your eyes, closed hers and simply nodded, dropping her hands, relinquishing control and letting you manhandle her head in your attempt to get all the wet spots.

After you deemed your work adequate, you threw the towel on the floor and returned your hands to her hair, slowly caressing it and pushing it back with your fingers to tidy it up a bit. You then let your hands glide to each side of her face, your fingers curled around the back of her neck and your thumbs caressed her cheeks. She hummed again.

You were transfixed by her face, eyes still closed, her head hanging back and you could feel metal and warm fingers lightly touching the sides of your thighs. Mesmerized, you leaned forward while holding her face to place a gentle kiss on her mouth and pulled away only to be met by tired eyes looking back at you, reminding you of your promise.

"Come on, baby."

You pulled away, extended your hand for her to take and after she followed your command you lead her to the bedroom.

**********

She lay on the bed while you walked around it to get to the nightstand where you had the oil. After you found it, you turned around and observed her for a moment. Face down on the bed, both hands above her head, one over the other. You wouldn't be surprised if you heard a snore coming from her. You thought of how far you've come since the first time you met each other. Looking back, not even in your wildest dreams would she be this relaxed and vulnerable with you. It took some time, but here you are. Apparently, your little trip down memory lane didn't go unnoticed.

"Hey, you hearing me?"

You snapped back and blinked.

"Hm? Sorry, what?"

"You okay?"

You managed to focus your vision. Sevika was propped up on her elbows, head turned to you with a worried look on her face.

"Yeah, just got distracted. Ready?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, come on, lie back down."

"You would tell me though, right?"

"Of course, love. Don't worry, I'll tell you later."

"Okay."

Reluctantly she lay back down in her previous position and a relief washed over you. You would tell her, but now was not the time. You had other plans for the night and possibly making her uncomfortable by bringing up her behavior was not a part of it.

**********

Normally, you would just straddle her ass and go on to massaging her back, but tonight you felt the need to show more of your love. Maybe seeing her run herself to the ground all week and remembering the tired look she gave you at the bathroom a few moments ago fueled that desire. So you walked to the foot of the bed, purred some oil on your palm, warmed it up between your hands, knelt down at the end of the mattress and started massaging her left calf.

"Hm, that's different."

"Just trying something, you just relax."

"I'm not complaining."

You slid you hands up her calf, putting pressure on the muscles with your thumbs. When you reached the back of her knee you hugged it with your hands and slid them back down, now putting pressure to the front of her leg with your other fingers. You repeated the motion a few times, all the while mindful of not accidentally pulling her fuzzy leg hair, the oil helping your movements. Her hums and occasional relieved grunts making you feel pretty proud of yourself.

"Is the pressure okay?"

"Hmm, feels good, baby."

"Tell me if you need anything."

You made your way to her right calf, your hands following the same pattern, then you moved up the bed and straddled it to give you better balance so you can tend to her right thigh and then you moved over to straddle her left calf to finish with her left thigh.

It was impossible not to let your eyes roam over all the spots you were touching. You were once more cataloging her every wound, new and old. For some you were there, you even took care of them, while for others you relied on her to tell you the stories. You wanted to lean and kiss each and every one of them, cursing once more whoever inflicted them upon her, if they were still alive considering they were trying to mess with your woman, but you decided to focus on the task at hand for the moment.

You also felt your heart skipping a beat whenever you came across a love bite on her thighs. You sure as hell had your fair share on your body but she didn't often let you have your way with her, so you couldn't help but let your fingers linger a moment longer on them, savoring them and trying to burn them in your memory.

**********

After paying your due diligence on her legs you moved up over her body and situated yourself on her ass so you can attend to her back. You put some more oil on your palms, warmed it again and got to work.

You began your massage by stroking her back, not putting any pressure, hands just lightly touching and caressing her, spreading the oil from her lower back, to her spine, upper back and shoulders and coming back down to her lower back by a path from her sides, feeling her frame expand with each slow breath she took. You kept at it for a while, since her contented hums seemed like a good sign that she was enjoying herself and you didn't want to stop providing.

It was a good opportunity for you to stare at her strong back, to feel the muscles below your hands, to touch a few more constellations of scars. Their number was greater compared to the ones on her legs, and some of them clearly looked like they hadn't healed properly, the scar tissue prominent under your fingers. That was the burden of her cause and you knew these injuries wouldn't be the last. You felt the pain in your heart and your eyes welling up, and this time you couldn't hold back, so you leaned and kissed every scar your position allowed.

A part of you was waiting for her to scold you and get you back on track with your massage, but it turned out that whatever you were doing had rendered her jelly underneath you. She only hummed and, to your surprise, she pulled her warm hand that was tucked under the pillow above her head and brought it to rest parallel to her body so she can reach your leg and caress it.

With one last feathery kiss on the back of her neck, you pulled back and trailed your hands over their previous path on her back, finally adding the much needed pressure her knotted muscles were begging for. Her poor condition was apparent from her grunts, sharp inhales, holding breaths and heavy exhales every time you increased the pressure or went over a stubborn spot on her back. You could only apologize with a frown on your face, which luckily she couldn't see, but could probably hear it in your voice.

"I'm sorry, baby. I should do this more often. These knots would be more manageable."

"It's fine."

Of course she wouldn't admit anything. It's fine though, it's the common secret between you two. She won't admit her pain, even when you see her bloody and injured and hear her hurting. But she's doing better about it, so you can't really blame her. You know by now to let her take her time and push when necessary.

**********

After your final stroke, you leaned forward, placed another kiss on her right shoulder blade, crossed your hands over it, rested your head above them and lay down on her back, acting like a blanket over her body. From your position you could see her profile, the side of her relaxed face inches away from yours. Her eyes were still closed, the side of her mouth pulled up a tiny bit forming the beginnings of a smile, breathing evenly through her nose. With one finger you traced a path from the middle of her forehead to her chin, going over her crooked nose, obviously broken many times in her past, and over her lips, dragging the bottom one down with light pressure. You moved to place another kiss on her right cheek.

"I thought you'd fall asleep halfway through it. Feels like I lost a bet"

She chuckled and her smile widened, teeth almost showing. Her speech was slurred as she spoke to you, clearly on her way to lose consciousness.

"I tried not to. Felt really good to miss it."

"Well, we can do it anytime you want."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, baby. It was nice."

Your heart fluttered at her praise. With a sharp inhale and a smile you gave one last kiss on her shoulder.

"Sleep now, love."

"Hmm…"

You slid to her right, so you can face her and put one arm over her waist and a leg over her thigh, so you wouldn't crush her any further, not that it was a possibility, but you wanted her to enjoy a good night's sleep without a weight on her back preventing her breathing.

"I love you." You whispered to her, letting your breath tickle her lips.

She half opened her eyes to regard you with serious expression, and you felt a warm hand tucking it self under your t-shirt and resting on your hip. She sighed with a smile and closed her eyes.

"I love you, too."

It wasn't long before she passed out. You tried to stay awake for a little longer, looking at her, committing her to memory, enjoying the silence, before the next hectic week comes, threatening once more the life you made with her.

**********

taglist : @opropheticsoul

Thanks for reading! :)

#arcane #sevika #arcane sevika #sevika x reader #writing #fanfiction #my writing #my fics

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waterlilyrose · 2 days

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Are you taking requests? For something Kanthony adjacent? I just feel like finding out that Kate's pregnant would be kind of weird for Benedict? Even though they wouldn't know the gender, it makes it almost official that Benedict's role as the "back-up" is over, or not needed to the same extent any more. And I think the conversation that Anthony and Benedict would have about that would be interesting?

I LOVE prompts for Kanthony. Little exercises that genuinely bloom into good ideas. (A Promise Made In Haste was originally a prompt). Please send more - you can't do it anonymously anymore because I turned it off but still.

It wasn't shocking news or even very surprising. There had been little to no doubt what 'extending the honeymoon' had entailed for Kate and Anthony. Ben couldn't imagine there was a single room in Aubrey Hall that they hadn't debauched (he made a mental note to ask the servants to purchase him some brand new sheets for his bed next time they were there) and it was almost weird to see Anthony, the archetypal serious older brother, constantly in a good mood nowadays.

Anthony's whole plan of action from the start was to produce an heir for the Bridgertons. So when Anthony and Kate announced that they had succeeded and he would have a new nephew or niece in the autumn, it was met with joy and hardly any surprise.

So it was disconcerting and almost jarring to Benedict to feel so... winded by the news.

Benedict had never possessed great ambitions himself. Watching his father and then Anthony performing the viscount duties hadn't looked particularly appealing at any time. For all the respect, money and power that it brought to them, Benedict had also seen the stress, drama and endless imposter syndrome it also produced. All in all, he had felt that it was cannon fire that was best avoided.

But there had also been the growing sensation of uselessness and feeling like he had no place in the world. He had genuinely felt passionate about becoming an artist but the realisation that Anthony had helped him get a foot in the door by paying for his place had dented his confidence too much to recover from. He found himself drifting from a hobby to passion to Tilly Arnold's bed with a feeling of listlessness. He felt untethered to anything and he was starting to dislike the lack of solid ground beneath his footing.

So it had come as an enormous surprise when Anthony had handed the reins of the viscountcy over for nearly half a year while himself and Kate enjoyed newlywed bliss. Benedict had almost expected Anthony to take a week off at a push and then demand to be let back into the study for fear Benedict would swap the family fortune for some magic beans or something. But no - his elder brother didn't even look back as he went off with Kate.

And, amazingly, Benedict found himself rather liking the new role.

There were dull and desperately annoying moments but somehow sitting at the desk in Anthony's study every day, going over ledgers, talking to solicitors and making suggestions had also made Benedict happy. Once you got the hang of it, it wasn't so hard at all. More monotonous. And he had felt rather a strong appreciation for Anthony when he was presented with how many household bills there were each month. He started to make sure to take better care of some of his items and even tried to mend items rather than buying something brand new every time. The tenants were polite to him and, when there was a storm which caused leaking in the roof of a tenant, he'd got down there to lend a hand at fixing it. Everyone praised him without it feeling like they were humouring him and the lawyers even took some of his suggestions seriously. When Anthony came back, he noted the changes and hadn't changed them back. He'd even praised his brother and everyone knew Anthony wasn't nice for nothing.

Benedict had been a little sad when Anthony took up the helm again that he no longer had a project to oversee everyday.

But he didn't realise how much he'd appreciated it until they announced Kate was pregnant.

Benedict wasn't like those stereotypical uncles from Hamlet or Richard III - he liked the company of small children as they were tactless to the point of hilarity and he loved Augie and Belinda. He had no doubt he'd love the new addition too. But with their birth, he was down the pecking order yet again. And his sense of lack of purpose started to bloom.

It was oddly Anthony himself who Benedict talked to about it all.

Benedict had taken to sitting in Will Mondrich's club late into the evenings. Sometimes he sat alone, nursing a scotch and just thinking... What now? What is left for me now? Writing? That was Colin's passion. Paint again? Didn't seem much point - the Academy probably still remembered Anthony's donation and might be influenced to let Benedict join in the hope of another donation. Marriage? The very thought made him drain his drink and want another.

"They say it's a bad habit drinking alone." Came a voice and Benedict was startled to see Anthony appearing with his own drink in hand to take a seat at Benedict's table.

"What are you doing here? You never come out any more - you'd rather be canodeling with Kate."

"I would rather be canodeling with her. But she's a bit tired and wants to sleep without me waking her up with kisses. Besides..." Anthony looked at Benedict in a manner that he didn't much like "I suppose I want to check on you. You've been... a bit quiet since I came back from Aubrey Hall. I just want to make sure you are okay."

Benedict contemplated lying or being dismissive of sharing emotions in a way brothers were so good at. But maybe the combination of drinks and general fatigue made him less guarded.

"I've just been wondering, that's all. About... what the point of me is now?"

Anthony's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?*

"Well, when you were on honeymoon, I had a purpose. A task to complete. A reason to strive forward. Now you are back and that duty is gone. And now you are having a child and therefore the duty will stay gone. You always said that being the second son didn't mean I had no duties; just that I came second in facing them. Well now I'll be third. Then fourth, fifth, sixth. It wasn't much and I didn't appreciate it until... It was gone. Now if I'm not here, no-one will notice-"

"I would notice." Anthony declared. "I would notice my brother wasn't here anymore. Mother would notice her son wasn't here. And half the ladies in Mayfair would sob into their hankies about you not being here." Anthony didn't look angry at his reluctant feelings so that was good. "Benedict... You are more than a role to play, you know?"

"Never played much of one even back in the day, did I?"

"And I placed all my value on playing too much of one, didn't I? And everyone in the family just loved that, I'm sure."

Benedict looked at Anthony and realised - yes, Anthony had held onto his role as viscount almost greedily in the past. And an unhappier man Benedict wasn't sure to ever have met.

Too much purpose or not enough - were both as bad as each other?

"If you liked the old jobs, I will happily hand some over to you permanently. I wasn't kidding when I said you impressed me while I was away - you are clearly trustworthy. Besides I don't want to be wedded to my duties anymore - I'm going to be a father. I want to hold my baby, get to know them and be a father they won't have to make an appointment to see. If you allowed me to do that, I'll be forever grateful."

Benedict was stunned. Anthony seemed earnest in this.

"But..." Benedict said feebly. "But the child will one day have to learn it all for themselves."

"Then we will teach them together. Their Papa... And their Uncle Benedict. Two tutors instead of one. More balanced that way. More wisdom. And more help. How does that sound?"

Benedict felt oddly emotional (he must have drank far too much). He was sure Anthony would be furious at Benedict's insecurities - instead... He was holding out his hand in support.

Benedict was not so foolish as not to take it in his own.

"Yes... That sounds good."

#waterlilyrose #kanthony #bridgerton #fanfic #kathony #fanfiction #anthony bridgerton #kate sharma #kate and anthony #benedict bridgerton

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larryisinlove · 2 days

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MY LTWT 2022 vs MY FITFWT 2024 EXPERIENCE

This past Saturday, May 18th, I went to Louis’ show in Argentina, and I have a lot to say about it…

Let’s start with the show in general. When Louis announced the stadium he would be performing in (one show at Vélez Sarsfield - Capacity: 50k), in my mind I was already considering there was no chance of a sold out show, I already knew it wasn't going to happen. And it’s not that I don't believe in him or the amount of fans he has, but these are basic math to do and simple comparisons with his show in 2022 (two shows at Movistar Arena - Capacity: 15k). I won't go into details, but the chance of him selling out were a few, I won't say it was impossible, but it was difficult.

Here in Argentina, attending shows has become something that not everyone can afford to do, due to the high prices of the tickets. Besides the fact that many fans come from other provinces or distant cities, they need to pay for transport, hotel, food, etc. So, we can also blame the country's economy for not being able to sell out.

Although I maintain that the stadium was too big for him.

Let's not forget (or at least Argentinian fans still remember) that Louis did fill that same stadium, but with One Direction in 2014.

Something strange to note, and that some fans decide to pretend that it’s not strange at all, was that after months of tickets being on sale, and only a few sectors were completely sold out; only three days before the show, the rest of the sectors began to sell out completely. Are you going to tell me that in five months nobody could buy, the fans were collecting money, doing raffles, and in one day magically everything was sold out?

Now let's talk about the show…

My friend @anchorandrope (who I went with) and I had the cheapest sector, one of the highest stalls in the stadium. Both we and the fans who bought that sector were prepared, not only to withstand the cold that we knew we were going to suffer, but we also looked for comfort because we had seats and we were going to be able to be calmer in comparison to the general and VIP fields.

It was two hours before the gates opened, and the stadium staff started to tell us that we were going to have to move to another sector, specifically to the field. Nobody agreed, we paid for a specific ticket and "at the last minute" they decided to change us to another sector. There were long minutes of shouting between the fans and the stadium staff, where they gave us excuses as to why they were changing us, threatened us with not letting us in if we didn't accept this change and even blamed us for following an artist who didn't fill stadiums.

The funny thing is that they couldn't agree on a good excuse. While we were told it was because of problems in the toilets, a group further away were told it was a problem with the sound. If they knew days ago that they were going to change us, couldn't they agree on their lie?

I won't make this part of the story any longer, but much of my sector ended up in the general field, a much better sector than we originally had. But what was the problem? The problem was not being in that place, because I saw him much better than if I went where I should have been. The problem was the mistreatment, the thousand excuses they gave, being uncomfortable, because many of us didn't even have clothes for that sector, or we had backpacks that were too big with too many things, and if you know what it's like to be on the field, you know that you have to go with as few objects as possible.

The problem was all the parents who accompanied their children and got the cheapest seat for a reason, and they had to endure all those hours standing when they had purchased a sector with seats. And even if there were any children, I doubt that they would have been able to see or enjoy the show. There were people with a cast on their arm or with a disability that made it necessary to have a seated area, and they didn't care.

Let's move on to talk about the fans…

The atmosphere was tense.The hours of queuing and the hours of waiting inside the stadium were tense. Louis’ fandom is not what it used to be, and many of those who attended follow some trends imposed by a few fans on Twitter, so we were surrounded. With my friend we spoke in code or omitted to name certain words, because you never know who you have next to you, and at that moment the idea wasn't to look for trouble. You didn't feel that fandom togetherness that there was, and I know about that, I've been in fandom since 2011.

For example, during the queue before going in, an alarm I have on my phone for my contraceptive pill goes off and the song is Silver Tongues. My friend and I were laughing, and I told her that the song I used to use was Kiwi. I knew that she would understand me, that she understood the reference and wouldn't say anything, after all it was a joke with no offense intended, but you never know. The fans around us looked at us as if we were crazy or missing a joke (or just pretending not to understand).

I feel that this fandom lives in a cycle where every now and then we repeat the same “trends” over and over again, but that's a topic for a separate post.

Regarding the age of fans, I don't have a problem and I don't have anything against new fans starting to listen to Louis, in fact, I strongly encourage him to continue to grow as an artist. But as a 23 year old, it was strange that every single person I talked to was under 20 years old. There were no fans my age, only a few exceptions, not even older. How can this happen? Where are all those fans who grew up with his music? Where are all those fans who were still his fans in 2022?

It wasn't just the tension between fans that was a factor in saying it was a strange show. There were no signs, no flags, as you could see at the 2022 show. Only the brave had been an iconic song at the last show, with its fan project of the LGBT+ flag created by lights in each sector. But this year, I could swear I could count on my fingers the flags I saw. I even read fans on Twitter saying that there was no point in bringing them to shows anymore, as if it was a temporary trend, or something from the Walls era.

When the show started, you could tell it wasn't the feel of a Louis’ show, there was something weird going on. The fans were silent, not singing along to the songs, including Walls. They were just recording. I understand if you don't know a cover from another artist, because I admit, I didn't sing both covers, but songs from his first album… How could you not know them? I could swear I could hear myself singing them and Louis.

The other sectors were silent as well, and those with seats were completely immobile.

In 2022, Copy Of A Copy Of A Copy was one of the songs where the fans sang the loudest, now none of them knew it, as if Louis was singing new songs. I know there are fans who didn't live through the One Direction era, or even despise everything related to it (another topic for another post), but how can they not sing songs like Night Changes or Where Do Broken Hearts Go? Again, in 2022 these covers would have been screamed until fans’ voices were gone.

You couldn't see the dedication or fanaticism for Louis. I could easily believe they just grabbed people passing by the door and let them in. I wouldn't even find it crazy if they had done it either.

In the two years that have passed between shows, it’s disappointing and sad to see this change. And if it wasn't for the fact that I was accompanied, I don't think I would have had a good time in all those long hours of waiting. I would understand if it was the other way around, and this was Louis' first show, and he didn't have the years of career that he has, and the recognition that he has.

Since Saturday, I've had a bad taste in my tongue because of everything that happened at the show. And I'm not the only one who can say these things. I know there are fans who are blinded by their fanaticism and will say that everything was perfect, or will argue that Louis could have sold out (because it happened to me), but it's a matter of taking a moment, thinking and being realistic.

It doesn't make me a bad fan to say his fandom is being horrible lately, it doesn't make me a bad fan to say he wasn't going to sell out. And let's stop blaming each other for this situation and start looking at who are the real culprits in all this?

There is a lot more to tell, but the post would become too long. If anyone wants me to tell more, they can send me an ask and I’ll be happy to continue to explain this.

#fitfwt #louis #my posts

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mirai-e-jump · 3 days

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Hirakawa Yuzuki Photobook: Yuzuki (select pages and translation below)

Publication: May 10, 2024

Hirakawa Yuzuki Interview

-Playing along with my older brother as the youngest child-

I'm originally from Kumamoto. When I was little, I was an active kid who played outside all the time. I'd play baseball, tag, takaoni (another form of tag)…I often followed my older brother and played with him and his friends. Since I was the youngest child, I was allowed to do whatever I wanted (laughs). Speaking of, I asked my mother about the origin of my name "Yuzuki," but apparently, she said there was really no particular reason. She said she chose it because it had a good stroke count. Since a bunch of people tell me it's a good name, I really like it alot.

When I was in elementary and middle school, in addition to playing basketball as part of club activities, I also did various sports related activities, such as beach volleyball, baseball and swimming. My older brother would be doing it, so I'd follow him…or my friends would be doing it, and I admired them…it often started out in a similar way. I didn't do things like abacus when it came to studying activities. One time, I enrolled in cram school during the Summer of my third year of middle school, but I wasn't suited for it, and quit about two months in (laughs). My best grades in school were in gym, Japanese, and social studies. I had been playing the electone for about 10 years since kindergarten, so I had good grades in music. Things like math and science I wasn't good at, if I had to say, I was better at liberal arts. As for what kind of student I was, I was the type of student who didn't go to school much back then (laughs). Those who know me now probably have the impression that I'm "cheerful, innocent, and full of energy," but I wasn't very good at fitting in with others back then. I'd feel hurt by a casual comment, but I couldn't say it clearly to the other person, and so it'd build up more and more…and when someone was angry with me, I sometimes felt as if I was angry with them too. Growing up, I was the type of person who wasn't suited for group living. My mother didn't force me to go to school, but told me, "If you don't want to go, make sure to properly study at home," and so I took occasional breaks. Of course, there were my club friends and close friends, but I was more likely to hang out with people like my older brother's friends, who were older than my classmates.

When I became a high school student, me and those around me became more mature, so I didn't have to be intimidated about fitting in. Furthermore, at the time, I was thinking of finding a job right after graduating high school, so I was conscious that school was more of a place to go to study than a place to have fun. I went to an information related high school, where I was exposed to bookkeeping and became really hooked, so I joined the bookkeeping club in my first year of high school. We couldn't get enough people together, so we couldn't form a club, but a "similar hobby group" (laughs). While I'm not good at math, for some reason, I'm good at calculating money (laughs), so I thought I'd like to become something like a tax accountant or a certified public accountant in the future.

-An audition applied for out of curiosity to go to EXPG, a place I had always dreamed of going to, changed my life forever-

I've always liked LDH's artists, and I used to drag my mother along with me to various live shows. During this, when I was in high school, I learned from a program I was watching at the time called "Weekly EXILE" that they'd be holding auditions for girls for the first time in about seven years. I thought it'd be just singing and dancing anyway, and that I wouldn't have a chance, but they were looking for girls with various dreams, including becoming actresses and models, so I thought, "If that's the case, I probably wouldn't be out of place." It was really more out of curiosity than wanting to be accepted. The venue for the first round was at EXPG STUDIO (dance and vocal school handled by LDH) in Fukuoka, which I had wanted to attend for a long time. Ever since I fell in love with LDH, I was drawn in by their singing and dancing and wanted to attend, but the time and money it would take to commute to Fukuoka made it impossible….So, I was tempted by the idea that if I auditioned, I'd be able to "go to that place that I had always dreamed of." However, with my mother saying she'd buy me clothes for my audition, being able to enter EXPG, which I adored, and being able to go shopping in Fukuoka, I had ulterior motives…I sent in my application just before the deadline since I wasn't sure if I should really apply. I remember taking the photo that seals the application document by propping my phone up against a CD player in my house (*picture on the left side on page 128). I also needed a full body photo, but I didn't have any clean white walls at home, so I used one at a friend's house and had it taken in a hurry…I rushed to prepare the necessary documents and applied. Since it was right in the middle of Summer break, I applied secretly without telling anyone in my class, only my parents knew about it.

After passing the written exam, the practical exam began, but I was surrounded by other girls who had been singing and dancing since they were young. I felt that these girls must've devoted all the time I spent enjoying my hobbies to their dreams, and their enthusiasm was so intense that I sometimes wondered if I was out of place after all. But, it was a miracle that I was even able to be there, so I decided to just enjoy myself. Everything I did was new, and since I had never sung or danced before, it was fun to learn how to do it, and I never forgot that feeling of "having fun" during the audition. In the final round, we were divided into groups and had to perform one song while singing and dancing, which was very difficult. When the screening was over, rather than a desire to pass, I felt a stronger sense of accomplishment, like "you've done well," and when my name was called as a successful applicant, I didn't really understand what was happening. I finally realized for the first time that I had been accepted when I went to the agency with my mother to sign the contract. For the first time, I felt a sense of excitement that I was stepping into the entertainment world, which I always thought was far away.

When I joined the agency, I left my parents home and moved to the capital, and was overwhelmed by the city of Tokyo. I walked from Nakameguro (where the agency is located) to Shibuya through Dogenzaka, and at first I thought the intersection in front of 109 was the scramble intersection that I often see on TV. And then, I went alittle bit further and there were many times more people there, and I was like, "Uwah, it's this way!" (laughs). In the beginning, everything I saw was new to me, and I was always pleased and said "uwah."

Immediately after moving to Tokyo, I took singing, dancing and acting lessons at the agency. In the acting lessons, I had a strong Kumamoto accent, so the first thing I did was fix that. I was also taught other various basics to acting. I started out taking one on one lessons at the agency, but eventually I began attending outside lessons for acting. There, I was with other kids of the same age, and I discovered new things like, "Even with the same script, this kid expresses themself in this way," and my passion for acting grew more and more. I had so much to think about during my life in Tokyo, that I didn't have time to say I was lonely, but the reason I didn't feel lonely was probably because I video called my mother every day. Still, I didn't want my parents to worry, so I didn't complain. I think my mother was probably worried about sending her teenage daughter off to Tokyo by herself. Kumamoto and Tokyo aren't close enough for me to rush over there right away, and I didn't want to cause any unnecessary worrying. That's why I barely talked about work, and just talked about casual things like, "What did you do today?"

My first job was on stage for "Moryo no Hako" with Tachibana Kenchi-san. I had never seen a stage before, so I really couldn't tell right from left in this situation. I started from the very beginning and thought, "What is the stage?" My seniors taught me everything from the basics, such as "this is good and this is bad." In any case, I was desperately trying to hang in there every day. After a month and a half of rehearsals, I took the stage for the first time, and I'll never forget how the audience looked at me and how enthusiastic they were. When I received applause at the curtain call, I was very happy to know that what I was expressing and what we had created together had become one piece of work, and I really felt that "this is how we reached the audience," which made me very happy. From there, I was motivated to work even harder on my acting. I was so frustrated by the anger I felt during rehearsals, that I became fired up and thought, "I never want to lose"…yeah, I think I'm very competitive (laughs).

-This is my last chance, I'll bet it all on a "cool" type of Sentai heroine!-

I played the role of Rita Kaniska, the king and chief judge of Gokkan, the country of ice and snow, in "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger." I've been doing tokusatsu auditions ever since I joined the agency. I think I've auditioned for both "Kamen Rider" and Sentai about four times. Having auditioned multiple times, the image I had of the female cast was that of "the heroine," with their charming smiles and angelic appearance. But the heroines of King-Ohger were different from the previous ones, and when I received the script on the day of the audition, I thought, "A cool one is here." I thought I was more suited for "cool" than "cute," so I decided, "I'm definitely going to get this!" Rita's gender hasn't been disclosed, but they're like a medieval character. I thought that maybe there wouldn't be another role like this in Sentai for a few more years, so if I missed this chance, I probably wouldn't be able to appear in Sentai.

That's why I locked onto the role of Rita from the beginning. When presenting yourself at an audition, I thought it was normal to mention a special skills, so I announced my morning routine (laughs). I thought that I'd definitely make a better impression on the judges if they remembered me as "the XX kid" rather than my name. That's why I thought it'd be nice to be called "the morning routine kid" and when I said something like, "Every morning, my morning routine is to pick out coffee beans and drip them while having a conversation with the beans," I got them to bite, with them responding, "What, talking to beans?!" (laughs). The conversation expanded from there, and I was told, "Please be yourself, there's no need to pretend," so I approached the role with my "natural character."

When I received the news that I had been chosen, I was truly relieved. There were about five rounds of auditions, so I thought, "If I fail after making it this far, I'll never recover," and I was in a situation where I couldn't even get food down my throat. There was a time before I auditioned for King-Ohger where I thought, "I'm not suited for this kind of job after all." My work was decreasing due to the covid pandemic, and when I was alone, I often thought deeply, wondering if I should go back to my hometown and get a job.

I was thinking of quitting if I didn't get the chance in 2023, but King-Ohger was scheduled for the end of 2022, so I thought, "I can continue this job." I was very happy because I felt that I finally had a grasp of the situation, and I also had a positive feeling that I could work hard again from here. I'm glad that my mother also told me, "Good for you, keep doing your best," which I think reassured me alittle. My mother watched King-Ohger every week and became a regular fan of the show (laughs). She was quicker than I was to get information on merch, and she came to events like G-Rosso. I'll send Rita merch to my parents house, and they'll say, "It'd be cute if they were all lined up together," so they're collecting all the characters themselves (laughs).

-Approaching the character by writing my "heart's voice" in the script.-

The story of King-Ohger is more interesting than anything else. The cast loves King-Ohger so much, that I think the actors themselves are the biggest fans of the show. Everyone looked forward to the next development and eagerly waited for the new script every week, saying, "I can't wait to read the next one!" (laughs). I also really enjoyed playing the character of Rita.

I was careful about many things in my performance, such as my voice and the way I stood. Since only my left eye is the only part of my body that shows facial expressions, some parts are difficult to convey, while other parts can be conveyed too much, so I was especially very concerned about how to handle my gaze. Also, the word "Immovable" was used, so I had to give meaning to "not moving." I thought it wasn't enough to just stand there, so I had to think in detail about it, such as "why not move here?" and "why move here after not moving for so long?" I'm the type of person who writes alot in the scripts, but I wrote what was going on in my mind rather than "I'll do this here." For each line, I imagined things like, "Rita is probably thinking this here, and so they're probably saying this," and then I'd write it down. Rita particularly has alot of emotions packed into short words, so I think that if I don't properly interpret the words in my mind before speaking, my words won't hold any weight. I also made sure that I had a clear understanding of the meaning of words that I normally wouldn't use, such as "perjury," and if it was difficult, I'd replace it with a different word and interpret it in a way that made sure I understood it clearly. Since they're also a presiding judge, I tried to take a variety of approaches in order to accurately convey a sense of dignity and persuasiveness.

The final battle from episodes 48 to 50 hit me all at once. I felt the weight of a year's worth of work, and I was in pain while performing, but I also felt the bond and connection between everyone, and even though there wasn't a part where I would cry, I still cried. In terms of Rita's individual scenes, episode 30, in which the secret of their right eye that they had been hiding for a long time was revealed, left a strong impression on me. I really felt that what Rita had been carrying and what they wanted to protect became clear, and that they became stronger.

It was also a challenge to film, but even after 30 episodes, I was able to discover new things like, "Rita can be this emotional!" This was the starting point to further expand on the character of Rita again in the last 20 episodes. Also, speaking of Rita, they have a habit of yelling when they're annoyed, but in the script it's written as "Ah!" I take care about the number of "A" and "!". Each time, the number written was different. So, when I told the Screenwriter something like, "Since there are so many ! here, I should shout like this?," he was overjoyed and said "You noticed?!" (laughs).

Apparently, he also writes the lines while shouting them, and depending on the tension, he writes it differently, like "Aaahhh!!!!" or "Ah!" (laughs). Such subtle differences were interesting, and I also enjoyed acting out the screaming parts. Another memorable episode was episode 38's audition episode. I saw an unexpected side of Rita, who said, "I'll go to such lengths for this job," and I felt that they had opened a new door. As for myself, when I was first told, "Next time, Rita will become an idol," I thought, "Hmm? How did they become an idol?," but then I was given a video of the dance and was told that I'd also sing. Well, it was like I was just taking on what was handed to me. (laughs). I only had about a year's worth of experience in dance lessons from my agency, but I didn't want to do it half heartedly. I think the image my agency has is that they take pride in dancing, so I did my best not to disgrace LDH's name (laughs). The singing and dancing was challenging, but it had been so long since I performed with my face showing, that I was alittle embarrassed at first. It had probably been about nine months since I performed with my whole face.

That's why it felt abit strange to see my whole face on screen, and I was like "whoa" at first (laughs), but in the end, it was alot of fun. Twin tails and a frilly costume…it's not often in life that you get to dress that cute. More than 100 TTFC members came as extras to play audience members, waving penlights and calling out to me. The special effects were amazing and so authentic that it made me think that I had become an artist.

On the day when we filmed the dance performance, the Director told me to "dance three times," but I was so excited that I got better every time I danced, and I ended up dancing eight times. The Director said, "There's been alittle bit of an increase," but it wasn't just alittle, it was more than twice as much as we had planned! (laughs). But, thanks to that, I think we were able to get some good shots, and I also felt a great sense of accomplishment.

Everyone in the King-Ohger cast got along really well. I'm currently regaining the youth I didn't get to enjoy in my teens (laughs). At the beginning of filming, I was worried about whether I'd get along with everyone, but everyone was so warm and welcoming that I didn't need to worry about it, and it felt like we were family. Everyone was so considerate and kind, and I was truly blessed to be a member of this group. We often went out to dinner after filming, and they were very reliable seniors, so we developed a relationship where we could easily discuss both our private and work related issues. Despite all that, we usually had alot of fun talking about things that we really couldn't do anything about (laughs). On set, when someone would make a joke, someone else would respond to the joke, and there was always alot of noise, but when it came time to perform, it felt like we made a quick switch. I think we were a really good team, and I'll do my best so I can work together with them in other productions in the future.

At the wrap up, everyone was crying quite abit, but I didn't cry. If I cried, it would start a chain reaction and everyone would start crying, so I just kept smiling. For awhile, the Director said to me, "You're not going to cry?" I said, "No, I'll probably cry," but…as I thought, the Director saw right through me. I don't really know why, but…but, when the Director cried while saying that, I was touched and was like, "Director~!" He even joked around saying, "You won't even cry at my tears?" (laughs), but I was actually pretty teary eyed.

I've learned alot over the past year. In the beginning, I was really nervous, to the point where I thought my hands would start shaking when I stood in front of the cameras. But after being in front of the cameras for a year, I feel that I've become less intimidated and have been able to focus 100% on the performance. This was my first time focusing on a single role for such a long period of time, so I learned how to expand on my character, come up with ideas for acting, and gained alot more skills. I was taught from the very beginning how to act, which I had been interested in for a long time, and also how to do the dub recording…I really learned alot of things, and I'm sure that what I've gained here will definitely come in handy in the future.

-My first impressions of the snowy landscape was quite literally, "It's dazzling!"-

The idea of publishing a photo book was mentioned to me casually by my manager during a completely different meeting. They said, "This is totally off topic, but do you want to publish a photo book or calendar?" When I heard that they were interested in a project, I asked for it with, "Definitely!" In our meeting to discuss the concept, I expressed "my wish to see snow," since I myself am from Kyushu and had never seen a snow covered landscape. Since Rita, the character I was playing at the time, was king of the country of ice and snow, I thought it'd be a good idea to use "snow" as a theme, and the location for the shoot turned out to be Akita.

When I actually saw the snowy landscape in Akita, I thought the snow was dazzling. I had never been exposed to light reflecting off snow, so at first my eyes weren't completely annoyed by that pure whiteness. But thanks to that, I think my skin looked nice and beautiful (laughs). Some of the snow had piled up quite abit, so I enjoyed flopping and rolling around in the snow, something I'd never have been able to normally do. There are some shots of me just having fun, so be sure to check them out (laughs). The sight of snow on the mountains was also something you don't see in Kyushu. It was so beautiful, that it cleansed my soul. I also made and ate kiritanpo by myself. I love rice and hot pots, so I enjoyed it tremendously. I never had a chance to visit the north before, but when I went to Tohoku for the first time, with delicious food and beautiful scenery, I thought it was the best. Lake Tazawa was so spectacular that it was like being overseas (laughs). It made me realize that there are also alot of beautiful places in Japan, and it made me want to travel around the country.

In addition to Akita, we also had the opportunity to shoot at "AMAZING COFFEE" (coffee shop produced by EXILE TETSUYA, also known as AMECO) in Tokyo. Previously, there was a period of time where I did a societal study at AMECO, where I learned alot about coffee there. Personally, I've always been a coffee lover, but there are many staff members at AMECO who know coffee inside and out, and many customers come to AMECO for that quality. So, I learned more about coffee than ever before. Now, I have fans who say things like, "When you think of Yuzuki-chan, you think of coffee," and people I meet say, "You love coffee, right?" I feel that it's become recognized that coffee is my hobby.

The photos here are the ones of me seriously facing the coffee and just enjoying latte art (laughs).

This time, the makeup artist did alot of creative styling with my short hair, and the style without bangs was very fresh. The costumes all had things I liked, so it was hard to choose. Also, the photographer, Mae Kosuke-san, was a very nice person who really helped me out. Even though I'm used to being in front of cameras, I still get nervous when taking still photos (laughs). Mae-san relieved me of that problem in a good way, so I was able to relax and feel at ease. The photographer, stylist, makeup artist…everyone created a great atmosphere that helped me relax during the shoot, so I'm very grateful.

-The "it's okay to express yourself more" that my friends in King-Ohger told me-

Acting allows me to experience many things that I could never experience in my own life, and above all else, I love the time I spend facing my roles. I've enjoyed the past year very much, so I'd like to continue to face different roles, absorb various things, and discover my potential and new sides of myself. I'd like to try anything, regardless of genre, whether it be film, stage plays, or voice work. In terms of expression, I've been doing some occasional modeling work, so I hope to expand that as well.

The roles I'd like to play in the future are ones of working women, such as a police officer or firefighter. I'd like to continue to do action, so I'd like to play cool roles that make use of those skills. I also really want to wear a uniform. I'm embarrassed to imagine a romantic role, but I'd like to play the role of a best friend position, someone who assists the main character in their love. Something like…"Actually, I'm in love with the same person the heroine is in love with, but my friend talked to her about it, so I can't confess anymore." I'd like to play a role in such a sad position like that. There are things like "getting together someday" right? (laughs). I'd like to play a role that makes people think, "I wish that girl had gotten what she deserved."

Now that King-Ohger is over, I'm currently in a period of taking occasional breaks.

When I'm at home, what do I do…as expected, I often immerse myself in making coffee at home. I'm not good at switching between emotions, so in a positive sense, I use coffee like a switch. I often brew it when I'm motivated for things like, "Let's do the laundry now," or when I need to take a breather and immerse myself with, "Now it's time to relax." And then there are times when I just feel relieved (laughs). There are times when I just sit on the sofa for two hours without watching TV, listening to music, or looking at my phone, and just stare at a single spot (laughs). Hearing this might make you worried, but since I talk alot outside of home, I'm very quiet at home. On days off, I don't say a single word, and I seem to unconsciously create time to be relieved and think about nothing. Something I consciously do as a mood changer is to go for a walk. When I set out, I can leave all kinds of things behind. If I'm thinking about something at home or on my way home, I end up remembering it when I arrive at the same spot. For example, if I sit on the sofa and reflect on something that went wrong, the next day when I sit on the same sofa again, it's like the bad thoughts I had yesterday come back to haunt me. That's why I'll do something like stretch my legs and get out of my comfort zone, throw away my frustrations, and go home. I'm like, "Don't come here anymore!" (laughs).

I guess what I value in life is thinking about the feelings of others. I'll think about what the other person would think if I said "this"…I place great importance on understanding and trying to pick up on the feelings of others. I'm mindful of being considerate to those around me as to not be selfish. In the past, I used to take it too far and become overly concerned about what others thought, but the members of King-Ohger told me, "We think it's okay to express yourself more." That's why I thought I'd try my best to be myself in a way that wouldn't make the other person feel uncomfortable. Right now, I'm in the process of growing up and trying to find the right adjustments (laughs).

Finally, I'd like to thank all of my fans for their support.

Thank you for picking up this photo book. I always receive alot of love from you all through SNS and fan letters, and this is the driving force behind my activities. I've only ever been given energy, smiles, and courage from everyone, so I'd like to give alot back in return. I'd be happy if you'll continue to support me going forward. I'm also looking forward to seeing tons of feedback on the photo book!

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gaylordscooter · 3 days

Text

Getting Lost in Yourself

Today’s torment was simple: escape the maze.

What Nightmare neglected to mention was that it was a mirror maze. Which was much harder than a normal one.

They weren't even sure they could trust that there was an exit in the first place.

Heck, the entrance closed behind them the second they were all shoved in.

Killer was incredibly confident that he would be able to finish the maze quickly—until they learned it was a mirror maze. He stared at his reflection, dumbfounded at the turn of events. His original plan of running around blindly until he found the exit was foiled. He knew how these things worked. Running was a surefire way to get a concussion.

Dust held his gaze nowhere in particular, seemingly unamused by the predicament as per usual.

As for Horror—

Crash.

“EY, HEY. WOAH, WATCH WHERE YOU’RE SWINGING!” Killer yelled.

He was swinging around a femur he summoned like there was no tomorrow. He grunted with effort as he slammed it into a nearby mirror. The shards of it flew everywhere, narrowly missing the openings in his skull.

Crash.

The mirrors he destroyed would quickly repair itself. Only the shrapnel littering the ground and Horror’s crazed look served as proof for his havoc.

Crash.

Killer grabbed the bone as Horror winded up for another swing. “hey. stop trying to bash your reflection’s skull. i assure you, it's just as cracked as yours. that's how reflections work.”

Horror turned his head around to glare at him. He yanked the bone out of his grasp with so much force Killer’s arm would’ve been dislocated if he held on.

“i get that you're slow and the gaping hole in your head isn't pleasant to look at but come on. haven't you noticed that bashing them isn't going to work, freakshow?” Killer barely had time to back away, crashing into Dust while he did, as Horror swung at him instead.

They both ended up on the ground with Killer on top of him. Dust roughly shoved him off to the side, causing him to roll into a nearby mirror.

Killer recuperated from the series of events, seeing his face twist in anger through his reflection, and stood. “what the hell is wrong with you?!”

“i’m not dealing with a goddamn mirror maze with you,” Horror grunted.

“oh okay then,” he threw his hands up, “just fuckin’ kill me then i guess!”

Horror decided to heed his advice, but Killer was ready this time and turned his soul blue.

Ping

He sent him forward. It took him a bit before he actually crashed into a mirror.

Killer and Dust walked forward. Killer stopped right in front of Horror, who he was still holding up by his soul.

“i don't know if you know what sarcasm is, but that wasn't actually an invitation. besides, you can't kill me if you tried.” He released his soul.

To Horror’s credit he managed to remain upright instead of collapsing. He scoffed and decided to walk off without them.

“splitting off, that's fine with me! asshole.” Killer tugged at his jacket, straightening it out, and then shoved his hands in his pockets. “c’mon, dust.” He turned to the opposite direction that Horror went, hand outstretched in front of him to avoid bumping into the wall of mirrors.

Dust followed him, glancing at the direction Horror went. He remembered what happened the last time they split up. Nightmare told them not to do that after. Regardless, he didn't voice any concerns nor show any. It wasn't his problem. He stayed behind Killer, blindly putting faith in his ability to navigate. He wasn't going to bother finding the way out himself. Even with his hood obscuring his face, he didn't want to see his reflection.

Thankfully Killer didn't waste any time. They were able to get in pretty deep quickly.

“this isn't so hard,” he snickered as his hand pressed against a mirror. He slid along it until his hand touched the air. “you just gotta lead with your hand instead of your—”

He cut himself off as he caught sight of the hallway they were heading down. Rather than the normal walls of mirrors, there were spikes protruding from all sides that were also mirrors, which required much more precise movement to get around without getting nicked.

“hm. ‘course it wasn't going to be this easy,” Killer mumbled. He summoned a bone in his hand, deciding to use Horror's method from earlier. He shot it down the hall, it didn't reach far until it crashed into one of the spikes. However the bone merely bounced off of it without any damage to the glass. He hissed through his teeth. “welp, wish me luck, dust.”

He didn't, but that was a given.

Killer went forward blindly, trying to stay in the middle as much as possible. It felt like he was going through a tunnel full of crystals in Waterfall. Now that was a bitter thought. He remembered chasing down a Woshua and Aaron that tried escaping him. He could almost smell the dampness of the cave now.

Unfortunately he didn't have an omnipotent force controlling his every move to carefully maneuver around the crystals now.

He moved faster now with a sudden urgency falling over him.

They were getting away. The monsters were getting away, a voice said.

He bit back a scream when he stepped on a very small crystal on the ground that was right in the middle. He didn't have time for fretting over injuries. He lifted his foot off, grunting. It cut him deep enough that he could feel he was bleeding, at least it didn't puncture through his bones.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head around and readied his knife, only to see his lost self.

Sans.

He jolted back in surprise, a few more nicks and tears joining the collection on his body and clothes.

“it's me, dumbass,” he hissed. He held up the remains of his shredded hood like he was demanding a refund from Killer.

It took him a second to register the mismatched eyelights and the illusion shattered. He swore they were white a second ago.

“we're not in waterfall. there hasn't been a reset.”

Killer blinked. He put his knife away. “how did you—”

Dust pushed him forward, signifying the end of the conversation.

He sighed, going down the tunnel until they finally returned to a normal portion of the maze. This place was making him antsy. If they didn't get out of here soon he was going to start shortcutting, risks be damned.

Now that Dust’s hood was ruined, he was glaring holes into Killer’s back. Unfortunately his reflections still mocked him from his peripheral vision.

Horror wasn't doing much better than the other two. Sure, he hasn't hit a single dead end, but that only made him suspect the maze was changing as he was walking.

At least he didn't have Killer talking his head off. That guy gave him a headache.

He'd like to see him get his skull gouged open and his eye stolen; see if he jokes about his injury after. Maybe it’d make him less annoying. Maybe he'd be quieter.

This maze was driving him crazy.

He wouldn't consider himself a claustrophobic person. Many times he fell in between his mattress and the wall and he still slept soundly—but this was different.

He was stuck here with no one but himself.

What would happen if he didn't solve the maze? Would he just be stuck here forever?

He came to a halt. He felt like he was walking in circles.

He sat down, leaning against one of the walls with his eye sockets shut. He was tired of this. He was tired of walking around aimlessly and seeing his reflection.

Him and that stupid red eye that didn't even belong to him. He was painfully aware of its presence in his socket. It sat in his socket like a cuckoo bird that intruded on another’s nest. Despite its presence, he could still feel that something was missing. His actual eye.

He opened his sockets, glaring at the red eye.

He wanted nothing more than to rip it out, but he couldn't. Every time he tried he'd just be reminded of the time everything went wrong. He’d feel the same pain too.

Dust couldn't ignore his jealousy for Killer right now. The way he was completely unfazed by looking at himself. Dust wasn't stupid. He knew why Nightmare made it a mirror maze.

It wasn't a secret that he, and Horror, hated looking at themselves. They could look at each other just fine, sure, they’ve gotten used to it.

Besides, Killer and Horror had their differences in appearance.

But Dust didn't look different from Sans. He didn't have a crater in his head or weird black tears showing that something's changed. Sure his eyelights were different, but it was only when he was using his magic to make them look that way.

Otherwise, he looked exactly the same. As if he didn't face any consequences from killing everyone in the underground at all.

At least Killer looked like he's gone through shit.

Maybe a scar on his face would make it easier to look at himself. Now that was an idea.

Killer halted suddenly, patting the wall in front of them and then the sides.

A dead end.

A perfect opportunity.

“great going, dumbass,” Dust muttered.

“hey, i don't see you being any help,” Killer retorted, turning around to face him.

“usually solving mazes is a one man’s job. i shouldn't need to help. unless, of course, you're that useless.”

Killer whipped around to face him with a snarl. “newsflash, you didn't have to follow me!”

“i did, actually. nightmare told me not to leave you alone because of your pathetic breakdown last time you were alone.”

Killer drew out his knife. There it was. “oh, so suddenly you're my babysitter?”

Dust kept his hands in his pockets and his face expressionless. “more like your nurse practitioner,” he deadpanned.

Killer scoffed. In a quick motion his knife was hovering over Dust’s neck. “if you were my doctor, i would’ve killed myself by now.”

Dust’s eyelights flicked down to the knife by his metaphorical throat and back to his face. He grabbed Killer’s wrist to angle his knife higher to point at his face. “what are you waiting for?”

It was like he dunked water on him, bringing him to his senses. Killer tried bringing his knife away but Dust stubbornly held it where it was. “what the fuck is your problem?” he asked through gritted teeth.

Dust’s response to that was to fall backwards, bringing Killer with him to the ground. As Killer landed on top of him his knife nearly cut Dust’s skull, only missing due to his struggling.

The utter look of shock and confusion on his face almost made Dust laugh, and he would've if he wasn't so focused on the task at hand. “c’mon killer,” he spat his name like it was his role, “don't get shy now.” He dragged his knife closer to his face, the tip making contact with his cheek.

“It's like carving a pumpkin.”

He could feel him tug to keep the knife from piercing through bone. It was annoying. He swore Killer would get right to slicing up his face yet here he was, disappointing him.

“you're fucking insane,” he said.

Dust smiled and narrowed his eyes, his amusement on full display. “you're one to talk.”

Killer finally managed to wrench his arm out of Dust’s grasp. He dropped the knife. At the same time, Dust’s smile fell. “c’mon, dusty,” he said, softening that grating voice as much as he could. He didn't say anything after. He most likely had no idea what to follow up with.

Dust groaned, shoving him off. He loathed whenever Killer called him a nickname, especially that one. He stayed on the ground while Killer stood up.

He stared up at the ceiling. Which was also a mirror.

A second later, Killer’s coat landed on his head. He jerked up, sitting upright. The coat fell into his lap.

“let's switch, so you can have a hood,” he said. He crossed his bare arms, Dust could see glimpses of scars that he was trying to keep out of view.

He took off his jacket and handed it to Killer, the latter quickly throwing it on, not bothering to zip it up like Dust does. He made an effort to keep his gaze off of him, knowing that underneath Dust’s usual jacket was Sans’s signature hoodie.

Despite everything, he’d still wear it even though he kept it hidden. He assumed it was because it had a hood unlike the jacket he wore over it didn't. It couldn't be for a sentimental reason.

Dust put his coat on, tugging the hood over his head. The fluffy fur at the edge of the hood was so obnoxiously long and thick that he could hardly see. He preferred this to his torn hood.

“we’ll need to backtrack some, hopefully we won’t run into any more dead ends,” he sighed.

Dust didn't respond, slipping back into his usual silence. Killer took that as a good thing.

A few more minutes of walking around later, they ran into Horror who was walking in their direction.

Killer gave him a glare, expecting a snide remark from him.

Instead, he wordlessly turned around with a sigh, knowing that he was definitely going in the wrong direction.

Killer trotted after him. “wait up! we might as well stick together now.”

Horror continued at the pace he was going, unresponsive.

They managed to catch up with him anyway.

Horror shot a glance at him and Dust, snorting humorlessly. “why’d you two switch clothes?”

“ey, don't get it twisted. dusty’s hood just got ripped up and he whined about it so I gave him mine.”

“you didn't have to wear his though.”

Killer shrugged, “i didn't want to get cold.”

“we don't get cold,” he muttered. “you're acting like you don't go to each other's rooms nightly.”

“oh hey look, the exit.” Killer pointed ahead.

Dust immediately shoved past him, throwing the possibility of him lying out of the window.

Fortunately, he was telling the truth and Dust didn't end up crashing into a mirror. Instead he reached the outside, in between the forest and castle. He fell forward, letting himself faceplant and embrace the grass of questionable authenticity.

Horror’s sockets widened, completely throwing the current topic at hand out the window to follow after Dust.

Killer snickered at their relief, but he couldn't deny that he felt the same. After all, he also hated looking at himself—not because he was ugly like Horror, he was the spitting image of handsome—it just wasn't a hobby of his.

But he wouldn't bitch and moan like the other two.

Still, those unexpressed feelings probably couldn't escape Nightmare.

He walked out, letting some tension dissolve from his mind and body as the dubiously genuine sunlight hit his skull.

He looked around, expecting Nightmare to show up and mock them or something as he tended to do after they finished the “activity” for the day. He caught movement near the forest only to register it as a deer. He continued looking around to no avail. Huh, maybe he wasn't going to show up.

Hang on, the only animals in the forest were his cats. He glanced back to where the deer was, only to see it gone.

And then it appeared right in front of him.

He flinched back, filled with the overwhelming feeling that something was wrong. Something was off about this deer, not just the deer there was something wrong with where they were too…

The deer stared at him, keeping one side of its head pointed at him to show off its unusual eye that he finally noticed looked exactly like Nightmare's eye.

It hurt to look at it, but he couldn't look away. He couldn't control his body at all, now that he thought about it.

Finally, it hit him. They weren't at the castle anymore, Nightmare cast them out. They've found a new home.

This was a dream. Well, it was a dream of a memory, but at this point this was all different.

The false world around him started crumbling the moment he realized.

The deer, Dust, and Horror were gone.

It was about time to wake up, he thought.

On cue, his sockets opened, but he still couldn't see on the account of it being too dark in the room. Must be the middle of the night, then.

There was something heavy on his legs. It shifted around when he moved them slightly. It reminded him of a cat, but it was much heavier. Wait a minute, “dusk?” he whispered.

He got an annoyed drone in response.

Yeah, it was him.

“i had a weird dream—”

He was cut off by Dusk shushing him.

“yeesh ok, g'night.” He adjusted his position slightly, trying not to disturb him by moving his legs. The second he closed his eye sockets again he fell right back to sleep.

He wondered what the deal was with that deer.

#utmv #utmv fic #killer sans #dust sans #horror sans

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hzdtrees · 11 months

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The Cordon, pt. 1

#horizon forbidden west #hfw #hfw photomode #the way i just discovered i can upload multiple pics at once #after doing this for almost two years #tbf my previous internet connection would've cried and then walked out of the door #never to return #anyway. have some utaru views #the lighting is a little difficult here #and while i originally didn't like the place much #(it's nice in passing but less so in staying if that makes sense?)#i now have a soft spot for it ever since writing ikrie staying with the cordon archers for a little #sad we don't get to interact with them #they walk around spouting their standard npc lines before heph goes haywire on the utaru #and afterwards they're just gone #i would've loved to talk to them #or even have a little quest with them

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an-unraveling-unknown · 2 months

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You ever do something not thinking much of it, but after you do it you realize it was actually like a genius move?

This happened to me with my story: Started it off with a fairly standard conflict; someone wants what Tuon has. But afterward I was like "Oh shit, this is a prime opportunity to show his unyielding guardianship!" But not only that, I also realized that it did a great job at reflecting his flaws and sort of foreshadowing them to the reader

Oh man THATS SO GOOD!! It is so nifty when things work out like that, I hear you- long story relatively short, you betcha.

I had something like that with Aeonian, my Tav for Baldur's Gate 3. One of their quirks that I put down on paper early on was that the places were their muscles would be are rock hard - mainly because of the fact that they're cramming a monolithically sized form's worth of matter down into a humanoid body thats eight times smaller, hence putting a lot of strain on their body as a whole, but also à la a statue for a physical form.

"Statue for a physical form.... death and rebirth themes*......statue made of rock. wait."

Because I cannot escape my hyperfixations, geology was thrown back in my face in whence I was immediately reminded of the ROCK CYCLE:

-which can be pretty well-applied to the whole death and rebirth thing, not to mention a nifty little guideline as to how their character arc can go as well as Aeonian's place as a story in of themselves (long story, involves statues though) and their tendency to 'erode' themselves per se if it means getting where they need to be. Metamorphosis also links pretty cleanly here too, not only because of the metamorphic rock and its processes but because of parallels between Aeonian (embodiment of death [at sea]) and Thanatos, the greek personification of death, who is usually represented by way of butterflies.

I'm real bad at explaining things so I apologize if none of this made a lick of sense, I promise it's a lot clearer in my head and please feel free to ask for clarity on anything!! this is probably some of my favorite character work I've done so far

*dionysus+being the literal embodiment of death [at sea,] longer story

(Please talk more about Tuon he is SO cool and I talk too much, that's some really good character writing)

#oc lore #original character #baldurs gate tav #bg3 tav #bg3 #mind - Aeonian and their sister were originally created outside of Baldur's Gate for a separate project (hence the greek myth allusions)#and i kind of just plonked them in cos I didn't feel like creating a new character at the time #hence why this may seem wacko bonkers #oc #this stone theme I have going on also reflects how they act for a good while #Earlier on in the story #(at least in terms of their character in BG3)#they know they are here for one purpose;#get in #find missing sister (long story)#get out #As per detriment this also means that they're rather walled #and they only organized the adventuring party in the first place because the other three (Karlach Gale Astarion) have skills that they don'#thus actually finding their sister will go a whole lot smoother #all this to say they aren't here to make friends #but they do soften after a while (with much heat and pressure e.g combat and working together and bonding)#my oc stuff #they have so many issues man #their entire mantra basically amounts to 'if I'm not dead I'm fine' which is an idiot thing to follow when you're immortal #“I will keep moving forward as long as I breathe regardless of if there's enough of me left to move” -immortal fucking dipshit /lovingly

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mushroom-for-art · 4 months

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Hi @bluejay-flies, I hope this isn't weird but I saw about your Aurorus mewtwo fusion fav and struggles and thought well hey I've been drawing a lot of mewtwo designs including fusions, I could draw you a little something and uh then I went hog wild with color options for you, the design is completely yours and you can pick whichever color version you want! (hell mix the colors and such I don't mind!)

Of course if these aren't really the vibe and you're not a fan of the design that's completely okay there's no obligation to accept and I won't take offence I had fun and got to do a fun drawing exercise either way :)

#my art #Gift design #Got classic Aurorus colors obligatory ourple shifted and pink shifted cause two a wild card that I think was cute and a dark shiny vibe one #Since you said you liked shiny Rayquaza and Shinx I tried to make em darker with yellow #Wild card colors flowy bits make me think of a butterfly #And the tube next also is a wavy fin that likely goes to the second neck connection point on the back and a bit further down #I only looked at Aurorus reference while drawing so any similarities to other designs are accidental #I didn't look for any other versions #They were originally gonna have only a thumb and one finger like how Aurorus apparently only has a single toe and claw #But there was too much empty space on the hand so finger rights given #Gets all the grabby #Tried to make em bulkier like Aurorus and gave em a longer neck too c:!#Sorry rambling about design aspects #You're welcome to choose name gender pronouns backstory ect if you accept them #Place holder name would probably Rora like aurora and like rawr-a cause dinosaur #Cause I think I'm funny XD #mewtwo #pokemon #Mewtwo fusion #Aurorus #Mewtwo Aurorus fusion #Again no obligation to accept if you're not a fan of the design! I know my fusion designs might not suit every audience #Ignore that I forgot to do the ice colors on the last three rip #They should be easy enough to color pick? I hope #Went wild on hexagon patterns today lads XD

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01tsubomi · 2 months

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mfw i spent yeeeeears in college aaaaaagonizing about how to turn a short fanfic of mine into a full-length original work and was working on it with my professor and through all the editing became really embarrassed of the original fanfic version thinking it was immature and shallow but could also never make the rewrite work so i moved onto other projects and then today after a very long time reread both of them only to find that the original fic is concise and heartfelt with clunky execution but solid and gripping emotional beats and the novelization is overwritten self-obsessed garbo

#i think i posted about it here a decent amount too #i was surprised at how much i liked the fic but honestly shocked at how bad the rewrite was #like not to dog on myself too much #but i wrote the fic originally for a class on short stories #(which is why i wanted to rewrite it in the first place - if i was already disguising it as original work might as well go all the way)#(see how far we can make this premise go)#so the original is super super to the point and like yeah clearly written by an 18 year old and dramatic but also very tastefully paced #like i was genuinely surprised at how effective i thought a lot of it was #i don't tend to toot my own horn about my writing especially not my old writing i was genuinely chuffed #then i had the dangerous thought of 'maybe i could give the rewrite idea another go this time more in the spirit of the original'#'keep it short and punchy and focused on the characters and their dynamic while updating it w my skills now and use it for grad school apps #but then i thought no...that was the vision i had when i was 18 #this is sort of a pun bc it's a story about ghosts but i should just let it lie and move on #personal #i was genuinely so put off by the writing of the rewrite that i was like wtf wait...i like...submitted this to lit mags on campus didn't i #did some digging found that it was the opening scene - which was THE most overwritten wanky part of it in my current self's eyes -#that i submitted to (and got published in) the lit mag i worked on in my little college community #girl nooooooooo i mean i guess the other girlies liked it enough to put it in #but it's odd i guess how time changes your perception/value judgments

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kelasparmak · 2 years

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had my booster and feeling fighty. love and light to everyone excited about tma2 but i don't want to hear Mr Have I Mentioned I'm CEO's voice ever again in my life.

#boss baby ass motherfucker...#also i have misgivings as to the reasoning behind relaunching tma (if that's what they're doing)#while laying off people who made much more diverse and original shows for them #that's not great in terms of creative integrity/ethics in the first place. but also it's just not a sustainable business model.#and for someone who makes such a big deal of running a company he just doesn't seem to have ever been very good at it #i have no inherent issue with more tma (i like tma and more or less trust the writer!) and i have no special knowledge/investment in this #i just find mr ceo and what i know about his/rq's business practices to be Distasteful #so it's especially weird to see everyone go 'we're all just so pleased to hear his voice again 🥰🥰🥰' speak for your fucking self!#i get jumpscared enough by him on shows i didn't even realise were on his network as it is

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iii-days-grace · 5 months

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i took yesterday off to eat soup and take a nap so today is saturday2 for me

#original post #chicken soup for the brain #we finally got the script wahoo #psa: i usually get my meds delivered to my home by my regular pharmacy #they werent able to get my stuff to me before Monday because their courier doesn't do weekends #so we arranged a short-term extension/refill with a local pharmacy instead #i didnt have to fully transfer all my meds here they were able to just do the one thing!#i have a few controlled substances such as my T and my lorazepam and sometimes they get suspicious #when you transfer that stuff too much (looks like you're just trying to withdraw the meds to sell somewhere else)#i just called my usual place (pharmacy1) and figured this out with them #then called pharmacy2 and told them to call pharmacy1 and get the info and pharmacy2 had my script filled in a couple hours :)#this is just for a bog-standard SSRI so no issues with the controlled substance thing or whatever #i just needed an emergency refill because we didn't realise i was out of actual refills on the script #+ having to make an appointment with my doctor on top of arranging delivery while i was already having ye olde withdrawal brain zaps ...#anyway! i had an actual appointment with my doc himself today and explained all this and got a real big boy refill instead of the shortie #THAT is coming in the mail so i will have PLENTY of medgijens for the coming months

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ihavetoomuchhomeworkforthis · 6 months

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ib disco, adira's boyfriend has such powerful femboy vibes that my sister keeps misgendering him as "she"

ok so this has been in my drafts for so long because I looked it up and accidentally found out that the actor is actually trans so I should really get my sister to stop doing tha- wait we already watched them all, it's too late, crap

We had all been correcting her every time, (she thought he was a girl the very first time his character was onscreen and didn't ever fully get that he wasn't) but she didn't really try very hard to get his pronouns right, or adira's, once they came out as non-binary, so nearly every time one or both of them was on screen, my brother and sister (who, annoyingly, like to talk about the show during it) would be trying to ask their questions or laugh about what was going on by retelling it, but just constantly tripped over all the pronouns in a mess of gender confusion

#honestly goals #I want to cause that much gender confusion #star trek #star trek disco #star trek discovery #discovery #adira tal #adira #my sister also has told me on several occasions that she much preferred it when I had long hair (which was... about 4 years ago)#and that it's “just weird” and “not how she's used to it” for my hair to be short (which-granted- she hasn't said for a while)#and one time in 8th grade when my friends were pushing me to find a label and I told her I thought maaaybe I wasn't exactly a girl #I think she said something like “but you're my sister 😢” (more than once)#my brother was more accepting but he forgot and I was questioning so I didn't push it #and now lately he's been like “You. Are my sister. 😌” as an affirmative thing in place of “I love you” and that's sweet but #I'm just slightly uncomfortably like *if you say so*#Neither of them are trying to be transphobic though ESPECIALLY not my brother #wow this kind of turned into a rant sorry #the original point was that I thought it was kind of funny how my sister was accidentally misgendering a character who I thought was cis

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ambrosiagourmet · 4 months

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I love Izutsumi. She's got a great design, she's a fun addition to the main party, she adds some new tension, and she's honestly one of the reasons I read dungeon meshi in the first place. I mean, "the most cat to ever girl" is an extremely appealing hook to anyone who loves cats and girls (me, I love cats and girls).

However, while I have always liked Izutsumi, I finished the story kind of feeling like I didn't really get her. I felt like I had a decent grasp on her character an character arc (she's a traumatized teen given space to feel safe and open up, and because of that she realizes that she can't grow without letting go of the coping mechanisms she once needed). But I didn't feel like I really understood her role in the story as a whole.

She follows the group of her own accord, after a coincidental meeting and a misunderstanding of what they can do for her. She's never super invested in saving Falin, at least not compared to the rest of the group. Though they do help her escape Maizuru's shackles, and are clearly good for her in general, she doesn't really have a healing Moment with the group the way that Senshi does with the hippogriff soup.

And yet, she gets an entire chapter, the third-to-last chapter, dedicated to exploring her growth and future. She's the one who frames much of the falling action, who lets us check in with everyone. She's the one who helps talk Laios into accepting his role as king. She may join the story part way through, but she is there for most of it. So Izutsumi! What's your deal!?

Well, I think I've come up with an answer, at least for myself, that I really like. Two of them, even! Though they both really work together to form the overall point - Izutsumi is the character that most helps the story face towards the future. Here's why I think that.

So the first of these "ah-ha" moments was when I realized that Izutsumi really is the best supporting evidence for Laios' point about the good things that wouldn't have happened if Falin hadn't died.

If Falin hadn't been eaten by the dragon, Izutsumi probably would still be a slave. It was because of Shuro and Laios' parties both being in the dungeon to rescue Falin, as well as Marcille's use of ancient magic in the resurrection, that she got the chance to escape. None of that would have been the case if Falin hadn't died. Shuro wouldn't have separated from the group and joined up with his retainers, Marcille wouldn't have revealed her knowledge of ancient magic, and Izutsumi never would have even met any of them. They are only part of her life because of Falin's death.

Though this isn't explicitly pointed out by Laios or Izutsumi in the scene, I do think you can very much feel the presence of it. For one, when Marcille reflects on the journey and how much it made her realize she didn't want to lose everyone, her relationship with Izutsumi is prominent:

It's the main original group at the top and center, but when you read it right to left, it’s Izutsumi and Marcille who might catch your eye first. And it's specifically Marcille and Izutsumi's relationship on display here, not just Izutsumi's presence in the group in general.

Also, after Laios' statement about how none of their adventure would have happened without Falin dying, it is Izutsumi who gets the final word:

Izutsumi is also the one here who is the most forward-facing. Chilchuck is trying to correct Laios, Senshi is focused on the immediate future, and Izutsumi is talking about her new goal.

And I want to talk about that goal in general as well, because it’s also interesting how it comes up. In that moment, everyone is trying to remind Marcille of her less destructive desires - to eat food, to share it with them, and to meet Chilchuck's family. All of which are previously established, existing desires. When prompted by Chilchuck to join in, however, Izutsumi offers something new:

That's interesting, isn't it? It's kind of funny, of course, to see her rambling on about a completely new thing, her own personal motive, in the middle of everyone working together to reach out to Marcille. Izutsumi doesn't even know who Yaad is! But at the same time, it’s kind of meaningful. Amidst the focus on desires that everyone already had, she adds a completely new one to the mix. It’s even the final bridge that lets Laios reach Marcille.

It is, in fact, even an idea that comes back later to help out another lord of the dungeon. The idea of finding new goals and feeling new desires... this is exactly how Kabru reaches out to Mithrun, after the Winged Lion is gone

So yeah, Izutsumi's presence here, both in what she's actively choosing to say as well as what she represents of the consequences of Falin's death, supports the story's ideas of moving forward. Of accepting the past, and finding new reasons to live.

Which is all really good, and that alone works pretty well as an answer to what Izutsumi's role in the story is.

But oh, oh. There's more. Something I realized after having thought of all this, because I still couldn't let go of the feeling that there was still something I was missing.

And as I reviewed the things I loved about Izutsumi - her sometimes unhealthy ways of coping with trauma, her struggles with isolation, her skill with fighting, her selfishness contrasted with the ways she grows to care for and protect the group, her perpetually guarded nature, born from the seeming impossibility of ever fitting in or finding a safe place to just be herself - I realized something.

Izutsumi...

is a foil to Falin.

Where Falin copes with isolation and trauma by being eternally caring and struggling to say no to people, Izutsumi copes by constantly saying no to everything she can. Falin is often considered selfless, but does have selfish desires that she can’t easily express until a moment of crisis. Izutsumi is delightfully selfish, but chooses to stick by her friends when they need her. They are both transformed, against their will, into partly monstrous hybrids, and they both will have to live with that - there is no undoing what has been done to them.

Falin anchors the group in the past. Izutsumi pulls them towards the future. Neither would find freedom without the other - it is Falin's death that leads to Izutsumi joining the party, and likewise, it is Izutsumi who inspires the realization of how they can save Falin.

And Falin is her future, as much as Izutsumi is Falin's. Both learn to be a little more like each other, even though they never meet. Falin gets a little more selfish. Izutsumi gets a little more willing to bend.

In this context, I feel like I have finally started to understand just how important Izutsumi is to the story. She is a proof that they cannot just go back, and she is a clawed, happy-to-scratch-anyone-who-pisses-her-off reminder, at that. In any conversation about what the group wishes would have happened with Falin, she cannot be ignored or brushed aside.

She is a reminder that, even in the midst of a tragedy so big it feels like a shadow you will never escape, you have yet to met all the people you will love. Hell, some of those people might even be catgirls. We should all be so lucky.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #izutsumi #dunmeshi analysis #dungeon meshi spoilers

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gffa · 25 days

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One thing that caught my attention while watching The Phantom Menace in the theater, a movie I didn't expect to find anything new with after how many times I've seen it and analyzed it, was that Sidious mentions multiple times that he has to change his plans to fit the new circumstances. It got me to thinking about how Palpatine gets credit for his carefully crafted plans, but often times not for how flexible he is in changing them on the fly, especially in time travel fics where someone destroys one of his plans and that's the end of it. Which, I'm not advocating against, I love a good Take That Wrinkled Walnut The Fuck Down However You Gotta Do It fic and I don't want them to change! But in canon Palpatine makes note of things he's not expecting, like:

When Valorum sends the Jedi as ambassadors, it's not part of Sidious' plan: DAULTAY DOFINE: This scheme of yours has failed, Lord Sidious. The blockade is finished. We dare not go against the Jedi. DARTH SIDIOUS: Viceroy, I don't want this stunted slime in my sight again! This turn of events is unfortunate. We must accelerate our plans. Begin landing your troops. NUTE GUNRAY: My lord, is that… legal? DARTH SIDIOUS: I will make it legal. NUTE GUNRAY: And the Jedi? DARTH SIDIOUS: The Chancellor should never have brought them into this. Kill them immediately!

On the Trade Federation ship, after Queen Amidala has disappeared from Naboo, Palpatine originally planned that she would be forced to sign the treaty, and then brings in Maul to deal with this. DARTH SIDIOUS: And Queen Amidala, has she signed the treaty? NUTE GUNRAY: She has disappeared, My Lord. One Naboo cruiser got pat the blockade. DARTH SIDIOUS: I want that treaty signed. NUTE GUNRAY: My Lord, it's impossible to locate the ship. It's out of our range. DARTH SIDIOUS: Not for a Sith. This is my apprentice. Darth Maul. He will find your lost ship.

On Naboo, after Padme allies with the Gungans: NUTE GUNRAY: We've sent out patrols. We've already located their starship in the swamp....It won't be long, My Lord. DARTH SIDIOUS: This is an unexpected move for her. It's too aggressive. Lord Maul, be mindful. MAUL: Yes, my Master. DARTH SIDIOUS: Be patient... Let them make the first move.

Palpatine's plans aren't static, they adapt and change with the events that happen, just as the other characters react to new information and head in new directions for it, so too does Palpatine and I think it's interesting to note that part of what makes him such a good villain is that he has an outline for what he wants to do, he sets up the dominoes of what he needs, but even when they don't fall precisely into place, he generally gets what he wants. He originally intended that Padme would sign the treaty, the Jedi wouldn't be involved, and that would lead to a vote of No Confidence to oust Valorum, using the sympathy for Naboo as a way to boost himself into the position. But he didn't really need her to sign it and still managed to use the sympathy for Naboo to get elected, it ultimately didn't matter what happened to the planet, so long as it was in danger while he needed it to be, he could use it either way. Nor, honestly, do I think he ever planned for Anakin Skywalker's existence, he had no idea they would find such a boy on Tatooine or how useful he was going to be, that was another way he changed his plans once the opportunity arose. Or a lot of his plots in TCW--he has Cad Bane steal the list of Force-sensitive children and kidnap them, bringing them to Mustafar for some sort of program to use them probably not too unlike how he uses the Inquisitors later. That plan is foiled by the Jedi, the babies are returned to their families, and Sidious' plans fall through, but that doesn't really change the outcome. tl:dr: I don't think Palpatine gets enough credit as a villain whose plans shift and change along with the new events that happen, just as much as the heroes' plans shift and change when new things happen. Yeah, he's a great villain because he creates an impossible trap for people, but also because the thing about him is that he's incredibly charming and charismatic and he knows an opportunity when he sees one, that any one given plan might fall through, but it's not necessary to his overall plot.

#lumi.txt #star wars #sheev palpatine #meta

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writersdrug · 2 months

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Simon Riley x Dog Sitter! Reader pt. 2

<- Previous - Next ->

Warnings: light cursing, light nsfw, Simon being the tiniest bit of a creep

A/N: so originally this was just a fluffy thought I had a few weeks ago... it's slowly turning into a longer, multi-chapter series, and Simon is a bit darker than I had intended him to be... but the story is still going to stay relatively normal (there will be full NSFW further down the line, lol)!

Sure enough, Simon had emailed you by Tuesday afternoon. You noticed how... unprofessional it was. Not that he had been rude or obscene, but it was obviously written by someone who never had to write many emails for his career.

here is riley's routine. she likes walks, usually 3 or 4 a day. she eats one scoop in the morning and one at night. she doesn't finish her food all at once, but she'll come back to it. if you're gonna give her more cookies, just two per day. fill water every morning. around the house, if you could just dust and clean up any dog hair, that would be great. let me know if meeting me tomorrow at 0900 for the key works. I ship out thursday. thanks.

Simon.

You chewed your thumb nail, reclining on your couch with a confused expression. Was he irritated with you for some reason? He didn't show it at the interview if he did have any hostile feelings... you reminded yourself that he was a rather gruff man, and maybe that just bled into his written words, too. You rolled your shoulders and started working out your reply.

Hello Simon! Tomorrow works perfect for me, I'll be there by 9 am!

Does Riley have any favorite places she likes to go? Any particular spots or trails she enjoys? Also, are there any rules you have for her, like being on the couch? Is she ok going to the dog park? Lastly, does she take any medications I should be aware of?

See you soon!

You sent the message, sighing and dropping your head back against the arm of the sofa. You were honestly thankful that you'd gotten the job, even if Simon was a rather stiff client. You finally quit your shitty job, and while you did still have babysitting your niece and nephew, you never charged for that - the only time you were "paid" for it was when you took them out somewhere fun, and your sister forced you to accept money for the admission fee.

So this gig fell into your lap at the perfect time. And the fact that you had beat every other person Simon had interviewed made your ego soar. It wouldn't be a bad idea to make a career out of this, you thought.

Your phone dinged - you held it above your face, and saw that Simon had already responded. You sat upright and opened the email.

she only takes aspirin when her leg flares up. no more than twice a day. no favorite trails, we just go around the block a few times. she can sit on the couch, my bed too, but she'll need help getting up. no human food is the only other rule. never took her to a dog park, but if you really want to, that's fine. she's good with other dogs.

Simon.

You frowned. Walking the same block every day, multiple times each day, sounded awful. It wasn't even close to animal neglect, but you couldn't imagine walking the same route every single time. If it didn't drive Riley insane, it certainly would for you.

You read back over the email, your eyes lingering on "if her legs flare up." Simon had never discussed Riley having arthritis with you - and you sincerely hoped that was the reason she had leg pain, and nothing else. You made a mental note to ask him about it tomorrow as you began to write your reply.

Understood. Thanks again!

--------------

"Here's the basement." Simon said, leading you down the stairs and into a dullish room. It had a cheaply-manufactured desk, what appeared to be a dining chair (not matching the dining set upstairs), a stuffed bookshelf, and some cardboard boxes filled with paper. A fan stood in the far corner, and next to it was the washing room. Much like what he had shown you of the rest of the house, it was bland and drab.

You looked around, letting out a polite noise of approval. Truth be told, Simon's life seemed awfully boring to you. Your mother had always told you that military men were always overly practical, in more than just home decor. They never cared much for the environment around them, as long as there was no mold, or anything similar. But you had never expected it to be so brutally true.

You knew he had a life outside of his home - from the way he described it, he was usually deployed more often than he was in his own home country. But you wondered - what did he do for fun, besides watch the telly? Did he have friends, and were they all like him? Any hobbies?

"If for whatever reason y' need to clean up a stain, you can find solution in there." He said, pointing to the washer room. "Other than that, nothin' much to see down 'ere."

You followed him as he trudged back up the stairs. Riley was sat upright on the floor, watching you and Simon move about the house with an observant expression.

"The only other things I'll ask you to do is hoover n' dust when it looks like it needs it." He said, leaning against the kitchen counter. "There really isn't much else t' do; of course, if you do see anything that needs fixin' you can always text me." He rolled his head from side to side, wincing as he worked out a crick in his neck. "Might not answer immediately, but I'll see it."

You nodded, standing in the walkway of the kitchen. Even with him leaning against the counter, muscles hidden under his sweatshirt, he was huge. For a brief moment, you imagined what he looked like on the field, dressed in his uniform and holding a gun - but you quickly shooed the thought from your mind before it had the chance to latch on and fester. "Gotcha. And just so I know, do you let Riley sleep with you?"

Simon paused in confusion before he responded. "Come again?"

"Like- you know, if I crash on the couch, is she allowed up with me?" You said, shifting your weight. You couldn't quite tell if Simon was irked by your question, or if he was genuinely confused.

He paused again. "Uh, yea, that's fine. If y' don't mind waking up covered in 'er slobber."

You laughed. "Nah, I'm used to it. A little drool never bothered me. Although, if I do need to wash up, am I alright to use the shower? Or would you rather I use my own back at my flat?"

Suddenly, it clicked in Simon's head. You were planning on sleeping at his house.

He had assumed you would just stop by for walks and meals - he didn't expect you to actually live here while he was gone, and he wasn't sure how it made him feel. He'd never had anyone else spend the night. Hell, no one ever visited, besides the rare occasions of the rest of the 141 stopping by. Even then, they never stayed for longer than a conversation or two.

But, once he took a second to think about it, he realized it might be better if you did stay - at least, while he was on missions. Riley would be bored out of her mind if she was alone that long, especially after spending the past several weeks with Simon constantly there. It would be good for someone to be there when he wasn't, and you seemed like you would be the best person for that, of course.

"Sure, 's fine." He said, rubbing the back of his head. "Just don't touch my shit in there."

"Don't worry about that..." You said quietly, "catch me dead and cold before I touch a 3-in-1 anything."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. It was refreshing that you could handle his gruffness - most people treated him like a landmine, never wanting to say the wrong thing and set him off. You seemed to have taken life by the horns, like you weren't afraid to bite back at someone. He wondered if that was all for show, or if you really would snap back if he was to test you...

He pushed himself off the counter and reached into the drawer behind him, pulling out a spare key. He walked over to you and held it out. You were just about to take it, when he suddenly yanked it back.

You faltered. "Sorry...?"

"You lose this key..." Simon began lowly, "n' I'll frame you for murder. Understood?"

You gaped, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. He didn't really mean that... did he? You waited for him to laugh and say he was just joking... but he never did. His eyes bored into yours so intensely, making you shiver, as he waited for you to answer.

"Y-yes, sir. Understood." You said, voice wavering a bit.

He grunted in satisfaction, then handed you the key. You let out the breath you had been holding, then cautiously took the key, before immediately attaching it to your lanyard. You didn't want to take any chances at losing it - not after Simon's threat. You took a deep breath and smiled at him, trying to dust the exchange off of your shoulders.

"You can come 'round tomorrow after o' nine hundred, I'll be out by then." He said, turning sideways to moce past you and heading towards the door. You followed behind and rubbed Riley's head when you passed her; she let out a contented sound.

"Feel free t' use the kitchen if you'll be stayin' overnight." He opened the door for you and leaned against it.

"Will do, thank you!" You chirped, hovering on the landing outside of his house, right were you were two days ago. "Thank you for showing me around - good luck on your- mission- deployment, thingamajig!"

He huffed. "Promise I will, luv."

Your spine tingled in response to his comment. Get it together, don't get your knickers in a twist over a client. You thought. You straightened your posture and cleared your throat.

"Well, see you around!" You said with a smile, then hopped down the steps to your car.

Simon waved, taking a moment to watch you pull out of his driveway. He shut the door and leaned back against it, exhaling slowly through his nostrils.

He was an observant man - he had to be, with his occupation. Your reaction to being called "luv" didn't fly over his head. And it's not like Simon didn't know the effect he had on women... he knew how he looked, how he presented himself, and he saw the reactions it got him.

But with you, something felt different. He saw your reaction, and a part of him wanted to chase after it. To see what you would do if he continued to apply pressure to your weak spots. Would you blush? Would you call him out? Would you drop the gig altogether?

He thought about how easily the word "sir" had rolled off of your tongue. He thought about how you would look, all tuckered out on his couch, donned in whatever pajamas you decided to wear, your face peaceful and expression soft as you slept - he imagined you in his shower, the room filled with warm steam and the scent of your shampoo, water hitting your skin as you-

Riley barked, making Simon jolt where he stood. She stared at him, ears turned to the side as she whined. She could always tell when he began to dissociate, and knew just as much as he did that it wasn't a good sign.

Simon sighed, running a hand down his face. "Get it together, fuckin' creep." He muttered to himself. "I need a bloody hobby, f' Christ's sake..."

He blamed it on the upcoming mission. He would typically stress about it beforehand, and if there was anything else that could occupy his mind, he would fixate on it. Right now, unfortunately, you were the victim. But he buried it deep down into his subconscious - it wasn't fair to you.

He pushed himself off of the door and headed towards the washroom, adjusting his crotch as he went. He figured he should at least tidy it up a bit, since you would be using it. The only other people who had been in there were Johnny and Captain Price, and of course, they never cared if there were trimmers on the counter, or if the mirror had splotches from toothpaste residue.

Hopefully, he'd forget all about you - at least, while he was on the mission.

------------

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#simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #ghost #simon riley x reader smut #ghost x reader smut #ghost smut #simon riley smut #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley smut #cod fanfiction #cod mw3 #cod mw2 #call of duty #cod #cod x reader

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azrielbrainrot · 4 months

Text

I Laugh Like Me Again... She Laughs Like You

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Description: Whether in the solitude of his room or surrounded by family, all Azriel can think is that he would give anything to hold you one more time.

Warnings: Angst, Mourning, mention of suicide

Word Count: 3652

Notes: I don't even know where this came from. I was listening to sweet music by hozier and thought "what if I gave Azriel more trauma". The idea popped into my head and it basically wrote itself. I can't believe I have to say this but with this fandom I'm not risking it: this wasn't written to hate on Elain (or any other character) or incite anyone else to do so. Keep your stupid fights off my post, please and thank you. Hope you enjoy!

Part 2

Another family dinner at the river house meant another night of watching everyone around him happy and in love. Azriel didn't think of himself as egotistical, would never think the love his brothers are experiencing is undeserved either, but it reminds him of a time where he was the only one in the Inner Circle with a partner, of when his brothers were the ones confessing to him how jealous they were of how he had found someone that loved him so much, of a time he never thought would have an end. It reminds him of you.

He looks himself in the mirror as he buttons up the navy shirt, trying to ignore the vacant room behind him. If you were here with him you would have been making jokes about his insistence on keeping the blue theme going in his clothes even though he swears he doesn't think too much about what to wear or his appearance in general.

On a good day, you'd be helping him with the small buttons right now, with shadows swirling around your legs and looking up at him the way you knew would take his breath away every time. On an even better day, he'd have your back pressed against his chest, his fingers inside your familiar heat, the other hand wrapped around your throat so you could watch him play with your body, panting his name and clawing at his arm, pleading with him to keep going, to let you touch him. He'd be late for an entirely different reason, not for getting held up talking to his spies, and then getting lost in his memories.

Sensing his thoughts, his meddling shadows move to his desk, filtering into the drawer they knew held a small velvet box. The dark wisps carefully picked it up and set it on top of the dark wood. Leaving it there and moving back to their original places around the darkened room, letting him decide for himself if he wanted to open it or not.

It had been a while since the last time he touched it, busy as he was these days. There were times he would sit and look at it every day, sometimes without even daring to open it and look inside. But there were also times where even the sight of the navy velvet would suddenly suffocate him with the reminder of your sweet scent, one he would never be able to smell again. It would make him hide the box at the back of his drawer, the back of his mind.

Over the last few years, his reactions to it had gotten milder, an unwilling acceptance of the fact that he would never see you again allowed him to reminisce on the happy memories you had together, even the sad ones, every little fight you had seemed so inconsequential now, he'd give anything to be able to have any moment with you back, to hear you say his name one more time.

He walks to the desk, only hesitating for a beat before grabbing and opening the box. His heart throbs as he stares at the ring sitting inside, thumbing at the empty space left behind by it on his finger instinctively. He had never liked rings, didn't like anything that brought attention to his hands or rubbed against the rough skin but the moment you slid the silver ring into his finger it felt right, he had never wanted to take it off. Azriel would wear a ring on each finger if it showed the world he was yours.

He wore the ring for an entire decade after you died, even after all hope that you could still be alive had left him, he couldn't bring himself to let go of it, to let go of you. His mother had been the one to tell him he needed to stop wearing it, that holding onto it, onto the past would only bring him more heartache. He could still hear her begging him with tears in her eyes, not bearing to see her son in such a state, but he had only actually taken it off when Rhys was taken by Amarantha.

He had thrown the ring into the Sidra that night. He's not sure if it had been anger, frustration or simply hopelessness that drove him to it in that moment. He was tired of not being able to protect anyone, tired of losing his people, the people he never thought he would even find when he was just a boy sitting in a dark humid cell. It must have been that boy's pain, still inside him, that drove him to act like that. If it hadn't been for his shadows immediately flying after it he would have lost it, wouldn't have this reminder of a happy time sitting in front of him right now, it had helped him ground himself more than once during the years following that night. His shadows had saved him from himself once again.

He closes the box gently, rubbing at the smooth texture of the velvet, trying not to let himself get lost in your memory and the bitterness that followed at the injustice of it all. Your marriage had only lasted a little over a decade, he's had to live with your ghost for much longer than that now. Still, he knows he won't forget that time no matter how many more years he lives, and, even if it's another five centuries, he knows he'll still wish he had had the chance to spend them all with you.

Some of the pain has dulled, most days at least, but the guilt still eats at him. He should have known something was going to happen, should have reached you sooner, should have told someone to go with you, should have gone himself, should have been the one to die in your place. The millions of possibilities will likely invade his brain until his last breath, after which he'll finally be able to see you again. That was another thought that had consumed him far too often in the beginning. If it wasn't for his mother, his brothers and Mor, if it weren't for the pain it would cause them, he would have taken Truth Teller to his neck just for the chance to see you one more time.

Azriel? His wings go rigid and he tightens his hold on the box at the sudden intrusion. He tries to push his thoughts as far back into his mind as he can before lowering his mental shields, almost letting out a sigh of relief at finding them in place, hoping his brother couldn't get a glimpse of his thoughts. He hands the box to his shadows so they can safely place it back inside his drawer. Are you still coming, brother?

Yes. He moves back to the mirror and finishes buttoning his shirt while trying to keep his tone as nonchalant as possible. However, the hesitation on the other side tells him Rhys sensed exactly what was holding him up in his room, he knows him better than anyone after all.

Hurry then. We're all waiting for you. Azriel closes his walls as soon as he feels his brother's absence in his mind. He knows they miss you too. They had welcomed you with open arms and considered you part of the family after their marriage. Everyone in the Inner Circle took a big hit when you went missing. He will never forget Cassian's face when he arrived to see Azriel kneeling down in a pool of your blood, with no body to be found. His brother wore his heart on his sleeve and it had shattered that night. There were countless sleepless nights for everyone following that moment.

They all threw themselves at finding you in any way they could. There was enough blood on the floor to tell them you had died but none of them wanted to believe it. Azriel talked to every single one of his spies multiple times, ordering them to track every movement in their respective areas. Rhys sent letters to every ally he had and then joined Cassian and Mor in searching every corner of Prythian personally. Even Amren, ever the logical emotionless one, searched for you with every means she could, contacting friends the spymaster didn't even know existed. But, one by one, they all had to accept the truth, Azriel ending up being the most hesitant to.

He had long since killed the attackers, putting them through as much pain as possible for as long as he could keep them alive, making them regret ever touching you. But that didn't help with the gaping hole in his chest, nothing helped. They didn't know how to find your body either. Rhys looked through every corner of their minds and only found them leaving you behind, bleeding on the cold ground.

Rhys refused to show him the memory, no matter how much he begged him to let him see you one more time. Now he knows his brother was just trying to protect him, not wanting that to be Azriel's last memory of you, with the amount of blood left behind he knew you couldn't have been in good shape, but at the time he lashed out at his brother like he had never done before, probably would have killed him in blind rage if it hadn't been for Cassian trying to hold him back and if Rhys wasn't Rhys. Thinking back he should have thanked him instead, for holding onto such a painful memory and keeping it to himself so no one else had to suffer from it.

Even if he couldn't see you again, he still wishes that he had your body to bury at least. Azriel doesn't know how the Mother could be so cruel as to not only let you die so soon, so painfully without at least letting him find your body so he could put you to rest next to your parents' graves. It would also give him a place to talk to you, to feel as close to you as possible.

The pain almost came back in full when Rhysand first told him about Feyre. Jealousy had reared its ugly head at the fondness in his brother's gaze, the slight tint to his cheeks at just saying her name. He was happy for Rhys, especially after everything he'd been through, but that happiness couldn't hold a candle to the pain he felt. He remembers the night he confided in his brothers about the lovely female he had met, how she had told him she loved him, it had been much like that one.

To make matters worse, the first thing he remembered when Rhys told him about his mate was a stupid bet the two of you had made - you had been adamant that Cassian, as sweet as he is, would be the next to get married, Azriel had voted for Rhys, one of his many conquests were bound to work out one day. He won and yet he didn't feel victorious at all. He couldn't even tell you of your loss, see how pouty you get when it happens, ever the sore loser. Didn't even remember the prize but there was no way for you to give it to him now either way. What hurt the most was that he couldn't even tell you his brother had found his mate. These were the best news in over a century and he just wanted to share them with you, wanted to share everything with you.

He takes another look at the mirror with a small sigh, straightening his wings and making sure his face doesn't give anything away before calling to his shadows. He feels them wrap around him slowly, giving him some comfort before taking him directly to the river house.

“Almost thought you weren't coming.” He was still half covered in shadows when he heard Cassian's voice. Everyone was standing around talking to each other, waiting on him. The guilt was tugging at his heart strings again. Why would he ever feel like he needed more than a family that loved him? Who was he to think this wasn't enough for him? It was something he could only dream of when he was younger.

“He's here now. That's all that matters,” the smile Feyre gave him was warmer than usual and her hand lingered on his shoulder for a second too long. Azriel looks over to Rhys, finding him already looking at him, studying his face. He had told his mate of whatever he sensed in his mind then. He hoped neither of them brought it up at least, now or later. What good would admit he misses his dead wife do? No one can bring you back to him.

“Finally. I'm starving.” Cassian clapped his shoulder as he passed by him on the way to the already set table, sitting down immediately. Everyone followed in his footsteps, greeting Azriel and finding their seats. Seems he really had kept them waiting.

Conversation picked back up naturally and he let himself fall into the usual rhythm of these dinners, letting his body relax around his family, forgetting about his old life for the moment. He walked over to the already set table and took his seat next to Elain, as it usually was these days. The seating arrangements had moved around a bit over the last years to accommodate not only the new additions to their little circle but also the relationships in them. He used to always sit next to Cassian but now had given the seat up to his beautiful mate. It left him next to Elain most times since they were the only single fae at the table.

Elain gave him a soft smile as he sat down and he nodded at her with a smile of his own. They had been getting closer ever since she was turned to fae and started living in Velaris. Her quiet nature quickly drew him to her, feeling at ease almost immediately with the middle Archeron sister. But he had to have been blind not to see the way she looked at him, not to notice the enamored smile she gave him.

Sometimes he let himself wonder if things could work between them. She had a mate but it was clearer with each passing day that she didn't feel anything for the male tied to her. It was also obvious how well Azriel and Elain got along, fitting into each other's lives almost seamlessly. He didn't love her but couldn't say seeing himself fall for the lovely female was such a far-fetched idea. She was a beautiful and kind fae, loving her would probably be as easy as breathing.

When everyone had been made aware of the mating bonds, he had even considered if the Mother had made a mistake. His two brothers had ended up with two of the sisters after all. Now he can see he was just desperate for a bond like theirs. In truth, he wouldn't even know what he would have done if Elain had truly been his mate. Would he finally put you behind him? Would he have thrown the ring away again, for good this time? He knows he couldn't bring himself to even with the power of a mating bond. You were etched deep into his skin just like the bargain marks inked into his shoulders.

As the dinner moved on and they made their way to the sofas in the sitting room, his family was already more than lively. Mor had busted out one of Rhysand's old wine bottles, setting the mood for the rest of the night. Azriel had completely relaxed by then, letting himself enjoy their company, his shadows retreating almost completely around the room. Finally having some reprieve from the particularly insistent thoughts that were plaguing his mind today.

Cassian was telling a story he had heard a thousand times now but he still laughed along with everyone else. Listening to Cass tell the story so many times wouldn't make the fact that he had flown straight into a river any less funny. Azriel even remembered the following part, the one Cass doesn't include in the story which was after they pulled him out and he had gotten sick for a week, making him miss practice and lose every spar with him and Rhys for the next months.

Even old stories had a new life with new people around, it was the first time the sisters heard this one, judging by the slight tint to Nesta's cheeks as she laughed at her mate and how hard Feyre was clutching at Rhys' arm to ground herself. Even Elain was laughing hard enough that her body was shaking. Her laugh was soft and melodic, a lovely sound really, but it suddenly opened a familiar pit in his stomach. It reminded him of you. She wasn't quite as loud and her eyes didn't immediately water like yours but the way she raised her hand to her face was similar. And just like that the illusion of happiness he had created shattered.

She was nothing like you but he still found you in every thing she did, in everything anyone did. He couldn't go to half of the city's bakeries and shops without thinking of you and every moment you spent there. He had even changed rooms in every one of Rhysand's houses, not bearing to sleep in the same bed you had held him in. Everyone in the Inner Circle had learned to avoid certain topics, certain stories in fear they would remind him of you. Even your name was rarely mentioned unless he did so first or strictly necessary. Every thought of getting over you was nothing more than wishful thinking. It was like his entire soul was begging him to go to you, but you weren't anywhere in this world.

This had to be one of the worst parts of his routine lately, having to take extra care to school his features when spending time with his brothers and their mates. If his face showed any sign of how much he missed you, how much he wished he could hug you to him just like they can do with them, they would immediately look at him with pain in their eyes, pain for what he lost and will never get back.

It had taken too long to get used to how differently they treated him after what happened. He had to start a fight to get them to stop treating him like he could break at any second when it was the truth. They knew it as well as he did, but they also knew that they had to let Azriel mourn in his own way, that there was nothing they could do besides stay by his side.

You weren't mates - maybe the pain he feels would never compare to what his brothers would go through if their mates ever met the same fate as you - but that had never mattered to him. His soul sang for you the same way he sang for his shadows, you were written into his very being just like they were. And, most importantly, there wasn't a single fiber in his body that wanted to live without you.

Even a mate could never erase you from his memory, even if you had been alive. He doubts if a mating bond had snapped between you two at the time, you would have gotten any deeper into him than you already were. He can't imagine loving you, wanting you more than he already did was possible.

He felt his shadows move to him, almost sending them away thinking they were coming to comfort him again, hiding him from the world as usual. Their urgency gave them away, and by the way Rhysand's body tensed across from him he also had noticed something amiss.

“What happened?” The High Lord's voice cut through the atmosphere immediately, everyone looked to him for an explanation and got ready for any possibility. His entire body stood still when his shadows told him they felt someone winnowing into the townhouse.

“Someone's in the townhouse,” he stood up as he spoke, sending some of his shadows out to find out as much as they could and the rest around Velaris to check if there were any other disturbances.

“Who could get past the wards?” He felt a shield around them, Rhys had likely set it up around his house. Cassian's siphons were flickering red as they all prepared for what could come next. Velaris was more than well protected, especially after the attacks before the war, but the High Lord's homes were nearly impossible to get into uninvited, Azriel himself had helped make sure of it.

“I don't know,” he held onto Truth Teller as he waited for his shadows or his High Lord and Lady to find something. His shadows were being strangely lax about the whole situation, maybe this was someone who knew of a way to go around his gift, keep them distracted.

It took longer than usual to receive a response from them, making him and everyone around him more concerned by the second. By now everyone was donning a sword or weapon of some sort, only waiting on more information before splitting up to keep Velaris safe and find the intruders.

When his shadows finally appeared they wasted no time rushing to his ear, at last sensing his urgency in the matter. Their answer was one nothing could have prepared him for, his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest.

His shadows came back carrying a once familiar tune. They came back singing your name.

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel angst #azriel fic #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #acotar fic #divider by saradika

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