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#and what we knew wasn't even her
fragmentedblade · 6 months
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They did the narrative threading thing again with going from the Artisanship Commission to the Alchemy Commission. They talk about new lives under new names in old flesh in the Artisanship Commission, and she mentions immediately later the Alchemy Commission, where Bailu is. What a nice lapse
#I know she isn't showing much pity for her friend here as Yanqing says but I think it's essential that she too loved him once#And that a part of her still does‚ and viceversa#This felt since the first scene like Jingliu mourning and saying farewell not just to Baiheng but to Yingxing too#And the scene in the Artisanship Commission enhanced that feeling to me#idk... She seems to be saying farewell to everyone and the group itself#A funeral of sorts for all of them and their bond#Awkwardly done‚ perhaps‚ by someone from a culture that lacks mourning rituals for the dead#I didn't get at all why we had to go through Tingyun's funeral considering that we didn't really got to know her much#and what we knew wasn't even her#It felt even more intrusive than other similar instance of 'protagonist just protagonisting' we've had in the game before#But now it's clear we had to go through that to understand better what is happening here in the context in which it's happening#and with the weight every detail carries#But I won't ramble more. This is starting to be very unrelated to the post haha#I talk too much#Traces#I guess#I want to save some of these ideas later. Perhaps with some of the screenshots I've taken#But I'm always so lazy I keep postponing everything haha#And to make things worse I should be doing an altogether different thing right now but here I am#I'm not censoring names right now I'm sorry but I can't stand that tumblr forces me to do that when I want to write things down quickly#Censoring is very annoying while writing with the phone#I'll come back later and change things in a bit. Just ignore me please if anyone sees this#I've checked and the post is not appearing in the general tag for me right now but who knows#It may appear in ten minutes from now instead I don't trust tumblr at all
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inkskinned · 10 months
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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high-voltage-rat · 1 year
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something I do appreciate about red vs blue is its particular brand of “came back wrong”. you were brought back, but you’re just a memory of the person you’re supposed to be. you’re just the expectations of them. you’re just the pieces everyone else saw and remembered. you’re tough like the original, but you’ll always fail no matter how tough you are, because the original failed, too. you’ve got a personality like the original, but it’s not quite right because you didn’t actually live the life they did. there’s this person you love- who you would kill or suffer or die for- but you don’t know why, you just know you’re supposed to be together because that’s what you were made for.
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redpandavvstuffs · 2 months
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"We need more clomplex female characters!!!"
Yall mfs couldn't even handle her 💀
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janeaustenlover · 5 months
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They created a strange tableau: rabid boy, trapped girl, bombed-out building. It suggested a tale that could only end in tragedy. Star-crossed lovers meeting their fate. A revenge story turned in on itself. A war saga that took no prisoners.
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swan2swan · 14 days
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Remembering how the comics even ruined the Earth King's character... the feats in that were staggering
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hella1975 · 9 months
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sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you
#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often#bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off'#but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting#bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her#like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around#like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life#but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met#and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM#like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him#but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years#& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite#he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs#he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house#he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent#or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one'#and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company#i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon#and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it#bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people#who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight#i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now#why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough#hella goes home#my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag
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lisbonsteresa · 7 months
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going through something horrendous
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Being compared to your abuser bc of autism is fun 🫠
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creativesplat · 11 months
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That scene from A Tale of Two Stars, from Stan's perspective.
#I imagine its pretty darn scary having your carer/ grunkle beaten up by this random dude from a portal that your grunkle liked#also the 'you didn't tell me you had kids down here' bit Ford looks so guilty like#like he knew he just full on attacked this man - which in his mind is morally fine - but in front of kids? that's where ford draws the line#and stan just looks really sad when he looks at scared Mable#also the r-i-n-g bit is the tinitus caused by Stan's ears slamming into the ground/ dislodging his hearing aid ( and totally#not me deciding that adding the goofy (but still scary) dialogue because it would ruin the tone and also because I hate writing in bubbles#also you all know I had to add the bloodied nose from the story boards what sort of person would I be if I didn't? ;>#when they tell the story it certainly affected Mable but I imagine Stan's joy at seeing his brother being reciprocated by a punch really#imprinted on her I think#she's not scared of loosing dipper until she sees the grunkle she trusts (enough to potentially doom the world as of the last episode)#be so so wrong about his brother - when you see a grown up getting betrayed or being wrong it really impacts a child y'know? so yeah#but I love ford being so caring about children even when he hates his brother and wants nothing more than to slam him repeatedly into a wal#he sees children and immediately changes his attitude#is that because of his parents do you think? did he and stan see or experience physical abuse? is that why he cares so much about these#children not seeing their grunkle getting hurt? Did he see his mother hurt or stan? we all know Filbrick wasn't the best dad ever so...#because as much as stan and ford are jerks to each other they care about Mable and dipper from the moment they saw them and that's just ...#I love them#also I am so surprised by how easily they accept ford into the conversation like I get it for narrative purposes but#someone just attacked your boss/dad or your grunkle/grandpa and even if there were just massive secrets revealed and its like a celebrity (#aka the author) he still punched your boss/dad/grunkle in the face and pinned him to the floor#did no one want to stop that or...#but for real I love how quickly Mable is like 'hey this guys odd and I love his fingers “a full finger friendlier than normal” my heart#anyway I had to draw it so I did#your welcome!#lol#grunkle stan#grunkle ford#dipper pines#mable pines#stanley pines
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anothermonikan · 2 months
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Have I told you guys about the fucked up dreams I've been having recently? I've been having some fucked up dreams lately. yeah <3
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#sorry this is mostly about a dream I had yesterday and if I just say it it's gonna sound so creepypasta-y#like I have a lot of creepypasta-y dreams it's just how my dreams have always worked hehe#It wasn't fucked up because it was scary or anything it was fucked up because of how I felt in it#how to describe it...like I was like almost too calm and accepting of my fate#like okay previous dream context (whether this was context from another actual dream or just. lore my brain made up idk)#I got sentenced to execution. It's...really hard to describe the context without it sounding really silly.#like it was a part of some sick game that a person planned out and it all ended in a white maze room#I was told I could either choose to go free from a month and then be collected for execution or be trapped in the room forever but alive#and I chose to be executed. everyone knew. we all even had silly inside jokes about it ehe#like my friends were picking music out for it. it was really silly hehe!#but the person who came to collect me for execution was so striking. she was like. almost literally a doll#A big doll!! Like she was so so tall!! she actually shrank to be more my size as the dream went on. she was strikingly pretty#and kind. she was so kind#we walked around and said goodbye to everyone. she made friendly conversation. she guided me through how everything was going to go#god the tenderness of it all makes me sqee a lil aha. a little fucked up I think#it was self-inflicted you see. Rose bushes over a tall fence. that's why she was so tall. to help me over#I caught on pretty quickly that she was a person who decided to stay in the room instead of being executed#that's what becomes of them. they become subservient to the game master. they're made to collect the ones who chose to leave and die later#she told me that deep down she kinda wished that doing this for him would convince him to make her human again and to let her be free#I told her that it was bullshit and that he'd never do that. and she was like. yeah. but a girl can dream right?#another one of those dreams that have lines that stick out in my head as well...okay one of them was just really funny#'Hey guys' 'I'm being executed today :D' 'oh. okay!'#dhdhdh#'It's scary isn't it?' 'yeah. it is' 'Well. It'll all be over soon'#like gwah. gwahhhh#'There is something wrong inside of you' levels of impact on my psyche I reckon#me and the doll girl kissed a few times. it was weirdly quite natural. nothing intensive#but I think we both had an understanding that we weren't seeing eachother again and we cared about eachother#it was so greatly platonic and nice. yearning for something I will never experience aha ^^;#Idk if I even want to be in any sort of QPR but it was definitely nice in this dream
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lith-myathar · 3 months
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#say what you will about sera dragon age but they really were nailing something#with the ''sometimes we aren't capable of real change until someone loves and accepts us exactly as we are'' thing#if you've gone through life being told there's something wrong with you from every direction and constantly asked to change and improve#that creates both some extreme problems around self worth (feeling inherently damaged and unlovable) and a LOT of anger#anger that's got no real target so everything and everyone becomes something to resent and resist#you are not enough. you will never be enough. even the people who love you are always trying to fix you in the name of helping#and maybe you tried to be different!!! but it didn't work and so you are a constant disappointment#finding somebody who just loves you and sees you amd doesn't demand that you change is.... unthinkable#suspicious. trusting that is not going to come easily#but if it's genuine? that's a place where growth can really start. because it stops being about fighting back and all the resentment#it lets you start believing that maybe change is not synonymous without capitulation or losing this battle you've been fighting#your entire life against the world telling you you aren't good enough#a part of you believed it but another part also knew it wasn't fair and that's the part#that would rather destroy yourself with self destructive behaviors than admit they're right#ahem. i am definitely projecting here but there's a reason i always felt super attached to her!!#and i think i get it now a lot more than i used to
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absolutebearings · 1 year
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been thinking a lot about this in context of the complaints that people are Missing The Point by nitpicking the end of this story -- essentially the expectation is to be quiet and suspend disbelief so its easier for everyone else to suspend disbelief, but its lousy to me that they are punished for relevant knowledge on the subject because the writer didn't do some more research before they plowed ahead with their superplot. yes, actually, whether this 'cure' is ethical or even possible is 100% the point, its what any human put in this situation would consider when deciding what to do, its how these viewers ultimately evaluated joel's choice. its the writer's job to accommodate a multitude of perspectives if they want the audience to engage with the thought experiment. If the writer wants us to see this situation as joel choosing between one life and the fate of humanity, it was on them to set the board with these variables, minding things like whats medically reasonable and ethical, consent and procedure and the infrastructure and political conditions required to disseminate this miracle crafted from the blood of an innocent by apocalypse surgeon christ himself. you can't show one thing and tell another and expect everyone to go with what theyre being told, especially if they know more about the subject than you. you cant cut corners and then get mad that people noticed you cut corners in their engagement with the hypothetical. you can't show us incompetent terrorists robbing a child of any semblance of choice for the sake of a butcher's sunk cost delusions and tell us actually they were TOTALLY going to save the world you guys believe me. do the work next time and stop getting mad people noticed you didn't.
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rosepolaris · 1 year
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i’ve been gone for a while (travelling! mental health time!) but fear not, lady dimitrescu has STILL been on my brain the whole time. in my brain. mentally, i have been living with the dimitrescus for almost 2 years. i have lowkey been building a shrine to them in my house without even realising! i have so many dimitrescu trinkets guys. i am a STRONG candidate for being studied for the dsm 
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burger-goblin · 5 months
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#girl help i'm romanticizing a relationship that i was in over a decade ago that left me emotionally bruised and stunted#a very toxic relationship in which i was abused in every way a person can be abused#i always would tell myself that i wouldn't take him back after he would cheat on my and i would be tricked into it because i really thought#that i could change him and he could be better#but i realized much later that the reason i was so easy to win back wasn't just because i was in love with him‚ but also because#i really loved his family. i loved the love they gave me‚ and how-- despite how poor our relationship was-- they were on my side#and always cared for me. even when we weren't together‚ his mom was always checking in on me#he and i reconciled years after our very‚ very messy final breakup and maintained a good friendship#however he started getting radicalized and was leaning further and further right‚ so i distanced myself and removed him from my socials#last year‚ around this time‚ i started having dreams about him over and over‚ so i took it as a sign to reach out to him and check in#turned out that his mom had been hospitalized and it wasnt looking good. i reached out to her as well. thankfully‚ she went home#and he asked me how i was‚ like he wanted to keep in touch‚ and i never replied. i wanted to keep that distance between us#but i would still be near if they needed me‚ and for some reason‚ i just assumed the family knew that#fast forward to now. his mom is gone and it's weighing heavily on me. he's told me he never wants to talk to me again#and that's also weighing on me. i wish i just knew the direct reason why he feels that way#like if it's specifically something i said‚ if it's that i remind him of all the wonderful times we spent together with his mom‚ or#is it because of his new wife#i don't think i was that much on an influence on his life considering how often he used me and cheated on me-- i'm not a threat#like to their marriage. so i'm inclined to think it's because i remind him of his mom#but not knowing for sure is the worst part of this‚ i think. i know he's hurting‚ and he knows i know what it's like to lose a parent#i want to give back to the family that gave me so much‚ but now that he's shut me out‚ i'm not sure how to do that anymore#ah‚ flea. you'd know what to say. i wish you were here to tell me.
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‘Daredevil’ Star Deborah Ann Woll: Marvel Hasn’t Called Me to Join Disney+ Reboot, So ‘I Am Not Part of It’
By Zack Sharf  Nov 17, 2022 (X) (X)
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Charlie Cox and Vincent D’Onofrio are making the jump from Netflix’s canceled “Daredevil” series to Disney’s upcoming limited series “Daredevil: Born Again,” but their former co-star Deborah Ann Woll might not be following. “True Blood” alum Woll starred opposite Cox as Karen Page on all three seasons of Netflix’s “Daredevil.” Considering Karen was a prominent character on “Daredevil” and Matt Murdock’s primary love interest, many Marvel fans have been wondering whether or not Woll would appear on “Born Again.”
“I can say this: they have not called me yet. So, as of now, I am not a part of it,” Woll revealed on a recent episode of the “Inside of You” podcast (via Total Film), hosted by “Smallville” alum Michael Rosenbaum. “I would be thrilled to get to be a part of it. They know where I am. Like I said, I love the character Karen Page. I love telling that story. I feel like I have more to say. But it is up to them what kind of story that they want to tell.”
Netflix pulled the plug on “Daredevil” in fall 2018 after three seasons. The show never got to resolve its storylines and craft a proper series finale.
“The Marvel series feels unfinished to me because we got canceled when we thought we were going to have more,” Woll said. “There’s a part of me that was like, ‘I had more to say about Karen,’ and I felt I was in the middle of that story.”
Cox has already made the jump to the proper Marvel Cinematic Universe by reprising Matt Murdock/Daredevil in a “Spider-Man: No Way Home” cameo and in a couple episodes of the Disney+ original series “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law.” In the series, Matt becomes romantically intertwined with Jennifer Walters/She-Hulk (Tatiana Maslany), so if he’s going to have any love interest in “Born Again” it might be Jennifer and not Karen.
Disney and Marvel have only confirmed Cox and D’Onofrio (back as Kingpin) for its “Daredevil: Born Again” cast. The series is set to run 18 episodes.
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