Antici… pation…

Tommy and the role of ‘hero’

Hey, this little essay is discussing how Tommy’s character has struggled with being called a hero and hows it’s been a significant part of his character arc for Season 2 of the SMP. It’s not a title he ever gave himself yet it’s a title he’s burdened with all the same. 

Funnily enough, I don’t recall Tommy ever being called a hero before Technoblade’s damning speech on Nov 16th, where he compared Tommy to Theseus. 

Tommy you just did a coup. You just did a hostile Government takeover and then immediately instilled yourself as President. And then you gave it to your friend but that’s still a tyrant Tommy.

But the thing about this world Tommy, is that good things don’t happen to heroes. Let me tell you a story Tommy, a story of a man called Theseus. His country, well his City-State technically, was in danger and he sent himself forward into enemy lines. He slayed the Minotaur and saved his city. You know what they did to him Tommy? (”What did they do?”) They exiled him. He died in disgrace, despised by his people. That’s what happens to heroes Tommy. The Greeks knew the score. But if you want to be a hero Tommy, that’s fine. 

Do you want to be a hero, Tommy? Then die like one!

Technoblade’s speech is a frustrating one at first. It begins by essentially calling Tommy a power hungry tyrant despite that being far from the truth - Wilbur was the one who formed the Government and Tommy rejected power. He trusted it to Wilbur who then chose Tubbo. Schlatt wasn’t even killed by Tommy, he died of a heart attack after being abandoned by every one of his allies so it wasn’t even really much of a takeover at all and it wasn’t Tommy. Yet this speech was entirely directed at Tommy.

But the latter half is different, accusing Tommy instead of trying to be a hero who thinks he’s saving the world and that he’s doomed to have a bad end. It’s interesting as never has Tommy claimed to be much of a hero. Tommy’s always just fought for the things he cared about. Indeed his response to Techno’s speech suggests the same.

“I’m not the hero. No one’s the hero! We’ve got L’Manburg for each other.”

But of course, Techno’s words stick with him all the same. Particularly the bit about a tragic end as Tommy becomes very, very aware of his own mortality in the arcs that follow. To Techno, a hero seems to be a naive figure who tries to do good but is destined for failure and tragedy. 

But there’s another path Tommy fears even more. One that he’s witnessed firsthand. Becoming the villain.

Let’s be the bad guys. Tommy, why not? Our nation’s gone. our nation’s far behind us, Tommy. Let’s blow that motherf*cker to smithereens. Tommy, I say if we can’t have Manburg, no one - no one can have Manburg! ...L’Manburg.

This is a new era! We burn the place to the f*ckin ground, I want no crops to grow there ever again.  I want f*ckin mycelium and cobblestone, it all covered, Tommy. I want it all gone! 

Tommy, let’s be villains.

Wilbur was Tommy’s hero. He loved Wilbur dearly and wanted nothing more than to be a good right-hand to him and make him proud. But when they lost L’Manburg and were banished, Tommy saw Wilbur changing, saw him giving up home and deciding he’d rather destroy the thing they’d worked for and blow it all up. After Wilbur made this speech, Tommy argued, making it clear he was entirely against his plans. Even saying that it wasn’t the moral thing to do. He said not to give up hope, that everyone wasn’t against them and that Wilbur’s ideas were reckless. But he stayed with Wilbur and continued to support him, hoping that he could convince him to change his mind. Tommy failed. And Wilbur died.

So, the Tommy at the start of S2 just wants to go back to his old life, a simpler time where he doesn’t have to worry about L’Manburg anymore as it’s in safe hands and he can focus on his personal concerns once more - like his music discs. He doesn’t want to be a hero or a villain, he merely wants to be happy again in a world without Wilbur. 

But there’s someone else watching him. Dream. 

I think it’s no coincidence that Dream wanted Tommy exiled by his own people. I think he was deliberately trying to make Techno’s speech into a reality. Dream had become rather obsessed with Tommy and treated all their interactions like a fun game where he played the villain and Tommy, the hero. It’s not a narrative Tommy himself liked but all he could do was play along. 

Dream had him exiled and this seriously pushed Tommy to his limits. On the first day, Techno briefly visited and asked him why he was still trying and he answered that he always gets back up and he would keep on fighting Dream. But as his exile progressed he slowly lost his will to fight. Slowly Tommy stopped believing that his exile would ever come to an end and that people still cared. 

In exile Tommy had a lot of time for reflection. Here’s something Tommy says days into his exile when he’s begun to lose all hope and is starting to accept that maybe Dream’s his only friend. 

Everyone always tells me I was the- the hero of this server. The one that came and f*ckin fought Dream - the only one that ever spoke back to him. But maybe I was just... maybe this was just meant to be. 

Tommy’s got complicated feelings about being a hero. To him it means standing up to Dream, never giving up - that’s what he believed people expected of him. But in his exile, he began to give in to Dream. He begins to express how no one cares and that the only reason they ever pretended to care was when he had status - when he was part of L’Manburg. There’s this implication that he felt like people only cared about him when he was being the selfless hero. When he was trying to be selfish for once, causing trouble like he used to and wanting to focus on his personal disc war rather than on L’Manburg, he got exiled. (Of course, this is Tommy’s biased perspective not how others actually viewed him.)

Tommy eventually escaped his exile, finding renewed courage to fight against Dream. Except, he’s still scared and uncertain and feels confused about Dream. He feels lost and clings onto Technoblade for support. 

With Technoblade, Tommy starts to feel more like himself - but Techno also influences Tommy, turning him more against his friends. (I think Techno’s character genuinely thought they didn’t truly care about Tommy, likely not realising how much they had also been manipulated by Dream.) Technoblade gently encourages Tommy to be more violent and wants him to help blow up L’Manburg. 

This is where Tommy’s fear about becoming more like Wilbur come into play. Tommy did not want to become a bad guy - he’d had nightmares about it even. But in his time with Technoblade, after how helpless he’d been during his exile, being given some power lead Tommy to start lashing out more violently, he began to get more aggressive - alarmingly so even. Technoblade’s path was one of revenge, dealing with his own pain by causing others to suffer (for noble goals, fighting corruption etc I don’t want to get sidetracked though this is about Tommy). Technoblade’s presence was helpful to Tommy, helping him to get over much of his fear but he still lacked in agency and still felt lonely knowing he hadn’t made up with his friends.

Tommy finally came to his senses at the festival, where he realised he was fighting his best friend and putting his personal attachments - his discs - over Tubbo. And that was wrong. He realised he was becoming just the sort of person he didn’t want to be - he had been on the path to becoming like Wilbur. And he rejected that path. He wasn’t going to be a bad guy. Just because he was hurt didn’t justify hurting others. So he reconciled and once more committed to protecting L’Manburg, having put his personal desires aside. It seemed like he’d put himself into the role of selfless hero yet again.

And he failed. Again. 

Dream tells him how it was a fun game to him. And how their story was not over. Tommy though, had become extremely tired of it. He didn’t want to play Dream’s game. 

They meet up again. And again, Dream talks to Tommy like he’s important - like he’s the key to everything. He wants Tommy to play the role of hero and has been manipulating events for a long time to keep pushing him, to keep taking things from him. Being a hero, which Dream believes Tommy wants, simply means playing along with Dream’s narrative.

Tommy, you want to be a hero, right? You want to be the hero of the server. And every hero needs an origin story, right? Batman had his parents, Spiderman had uncle Ben, you have Tubbo, right? 

In the end, Tommy refuses to play Dream’s game anymore though. He called for help and got saved by everyone else. Then he killed Dream twice and had him locked away for good.

And once more, Tommy decided to do things for himself again. He decided to live peacefully, working on a project, talking to various people on the server and trying to avoid making waves and getting into any more conflict. It’s a good end.

He rejected Wilbur’s path and he defied Technoblade’s predictions and he didn’t lose his best friend to Dream. And now Tommy’s trying to avoid playing the role of hero anymore. It’s not a title he ever gave himself but one thrust upon him. Yet it’s one he’s keenly aware of. And one that, despite everything, he can fulfil.

Tommy’s arc has been in some respects about defying the expectations of others - but he also can’t help but fight for the things he loves. He realises his troubles were not that his friends didn’t care or that he had to play a role but that his life was being controlled by Dream and now he’s free of that. No longer is he so weighed down by expectations but when there is a sufficiently threatening enemy, he has not lost his determination to challenge it. 

[FE3H] farewell, i love you

Rating: T

Word count: 2114

Summary: Felix keeps dying; Sylvain can't allow this to happen. / Time loop.

Note: AO3 link. Major character death, ambiguous ending; originally written for Sylvix week 2020. I love time loops and the tragedy of loving someone :’)

“I’m not leaving you.”

“I know.”

“Leaving you is the last thing I’d do. And if you’re the one who leaves, I’ll follow.”

The smile he sees, stretching his lips, isn’t a happy one; it’s flat, barely a twitch, not reaching his eyes and making his face glow with resignation.

“Of course you’d say that. You always do whatever you want.”

***

Sylvain dunks his entire head into the river and wishes he could wash away the bloodied memories from his mind as well.The freezing water does nothing to draw him out of his torpor—it keeps him stranded on a single thought he will never be able to discard, haunting him until the day he dies.

Two hands grab his shoulders and yank him backwards, forcing him to furiously blink to get the water out of his eyes. He shakes his head, sending more droplets all around him like he was a drowning dog.

“Damn it, Sylvain, stop that!” Felix growls.

Sylvain grins and flicks more water in Felix’s face. Felix punches his arm in retaliation.

“Ow, you’re no fun, Felix,” Sylvain whines.

“What do you think you were doing? Are you trying to freeze your brain?”

Felix is frowning, arms crossed over his chest, radiating tension and unease. He has been nothing but on edge for the past weeks. It’s surprising he’s still able to hold a conversation with anyone, and without spitting vitriol and fire, at that—Sylvain is well aware of how Felix can get at this stage of the war.

“Well, if I freeze my brain I can’t have dilemmas over what I want to eat for dinner, and I think it’s very sad,” Sylvain says, tone light. “Oh wait, that means I’ll be able to think with my dick.”

Felix keeps glaring at him. He’s more stubborn, this time. It wasn’t so difficult to make him drop a subject, before. Sylvain rubs his neck, unable to meet Felix’s eyes (what kind of irony is this?).

“We’re marching on Tailtean Plains tomorrow, so I was cooling off,” he admits.

The weather has been terrible for the past month; even for Faerghus, the Great Tree Moon is considered a rather pleasant moon, with rays of sunshine lasting longer than a few hours a day. But this year, rain has been pouring, slowing their advance through the mud and the fog, grating on everyone’s nerves and chipping at their patience. Felix has been snappish and frustrated, not concealing his desire of looking forward to reaching their destination, and put the war behind them.

Sylvain knows this won’t end well. They haven’t engaged in battle yet, but he knows that it’s doomed.

Felix stays quiet for a moment, then lets out a shaky exhale. “You need to focus.”

Sylvain bursts out laughing, startling Felix and those who are bathing next to him.

“Don’t worry, there’s no way I’ll lose focus,” he says. “I can’t lose focus, not now.”

Sylvain directs a smile at Felix; he doesn’t know what he looks like, but Felix is staring at him, eyes wide and shining like he’s facing a complex problem that he can’t solve by swinging his sword at it, like he’s had the solution swept from under his feet at the last moment, and he can’t bring himself to think of another one. Sylvain tries his best to avoid putting this kind of expression on Felix’s face, so he aims at a bigger grin, but Felix stands up abruptly, and retreats to camp.

“Don’t lose yourself.” Sylvain thinks he hears as he watches Felix’s back getting farther and farther away.

The Tailtean Plains are drowning in a heavy rain that makes every step a struggle. They can’t see farther than two meters ahead; the sound of the rain blending with those of the weapons clashing, the soldiers yelling and the beasts howling create a cacophony ringing in Sylvain’s ears wherever he goes. Fighting in these conditions is pulling at his thin willpower to stay sane.

He spurs on his horse and doesn’t look anyone in the eye when he brandishes the Lance of Ruin to kill the Kingdom soldiers, like he was born for it. He paints the ground in red and cuts a path through those people he was once supposed to fight alongside with—he vaguely remembers his orders but he’s stopped listening to orders a long time ago.

Felix is like death itself on the battlefield. He’s a whirlwind of ferocity and grace, striking true with every thrust and never leaving an enemy alive in his quest for victory. He always looks forward.

Sylvain has the tendency to look everywhere except forward. That doesn’t mean he’s able to be on time.

He sees the archer notching an arrow at Felix’s back. Even on horseback, Sylvain won’t be able to reach him fast enough to protect him. His voice won’t carry far enough, and even if it does, it will be too late.

“Felix—!”

Felix’s body goes down just as Sylvain sees, on the other side, Dimitri approaching. Felix’s blood flows in-between the cracks of the earth. The rain on the Tailtean Plains drowns their screams and their blood and their tears.

Sylvain barks out a laugh, slapping a gloved hand on his forehead and dragging it down his face. Dimitri’s face is pinched, his gaze traveling from Sylvain to Felix, and from Felix to Sylvain. Ever so slowly, he readies his lance.

“There’s no fucking point,” Sylvain says, and the world goes white.

***

“Didn’t we establish that if you’re not strong enough, we can’t die together?”

“But Felix, you’re the one who’s too strong.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? How can anyone be too fucking strong?”

“If you’re too strong, you leave me behind.”

***

This Felix is different. His words are still coated with poison and his swordsmanship is still impeccable, but he’s less subtle about his intentions. He might kiss Sylvain like he represents his entire world, he might whisper sweet nothings into his ear, and he might tell him he will protect him, Sylvain knows that someone else will always be his priority.

This Felix will drop his sword if he thinks this is the only solution he’s left with. He will run and cross the whole battlefield to fulfill his duty, to make sure he isn’t fighting in vain. This Felix is more transparent about his desire to change Faerghus, and to change Faerghus he needs to ensure that the right person sits on the throne.

Sylvain, in this universe, will always be second to Dimitri.

Gronder Field burns, swallowing corpses and ideals alike. Sylvain knew something would go wrong; he always knows when something will go wrong, but he never knows when something will go right. He watches as Felix moves towards Dimitri, like a flower drawn to its source of light, to fight alongside him.

This Felix forfeits his life and dies in Dimitri’s arms, because he believed in Dimitri.

Sylvain sinks on the ground, his forehead hitting the hard soil and smearing blood all over it, and he closes his mind.

***

“Don’t you think that sometimes we shouldn’t cling onto our principles so fiercely? It’s said that many people lose themselves to their ideals.”

“If they’re dumb enough to get killed because of stupid ideals, it’s their problem.”

“What if that ideal is growing old and dying in a bed with someone you love?”

“Is it Sylvain code for having sex?”

***

The first time Sylvain came face to face with Felix on the battlefield, on opposite sides of the war, he couldn’t bring himself to fight him.

Felix still died first.

***

Sylvain is letting his mouth devour Felix, pressing on his lips, on his jaw, going down on his collarbones then on his torso. He’s not stopping and he’s wishing this moment never ends, so that he will continue having Felix in his arms and not be forced to let him go. His hands are wandering and touching, caressing the skin of his back and of his thighs. The desperate and urgent nature of his moves don’t bleed into rough handling, though; Sylvain is careful and is treating Felix’s body like it is his personal sanctuary.

“Are you okay, Sylvain?”

Sylvain fears his words would transform into sobs if he speaks up. So he kisses Felix, relentlessly, absorbing everything from his scent to the curve of his mouth and the sounds his throat makes. He takes. He takes and takes, and stores it all into a corner of his mind, for him to assemble later as if he is piecing together the different parts of something that he can’t quite remember.

Felix responds to his kisses and touches, and stops asking questions. He’s become patient and less prone to lashing out—Sylvain knows this won’t help avoiding the inevitable threat looming over them.

Sylvain gets carried away by his worries and the comforting kindness he finds in Felix, and ends up being the weaker one, once again. He’s weak so he gets injured in his endeavor to protect Felix, because he’s not capable of achieving anything if it doesn’t involve his body, and Felix gets killed soon after when he’s protecting him.

***

“I...”

“You don’t need to say anything.”

“The future you envision... Am I included in it?”

“What kind of question is that? As if I could get rid of you.”

“It’s a promise, then? Living together, and dying together?”

“...It’s a promise.”

***

Felix follows Ingrid to join Claude’s class. Sylvain follows Felix.

Dimitri dies. No matter how tight Sylvain is holding Felix, no matter how pathetic he becomes as the days pass, he sees the way Felix is slipping away, drifting aimlessly without a purpose anchoring him to somewhere peaceful. Sylvain watches him slip between his fingers and disappear, going back on his word (he always goes back on his word, but he doesn’t remember, he never remembers), and leaves Sylvain behind.

All he can do is attach a memory of Felix on a sword he didn’t want.

***

When Felix gets deployed at Arianrhod, Sylvain begs Ingrid to switch place with him. She’s not pleased and neither is Dimitri, but they relent and tell him he has to be careful. Sylvain doesn’t answer them.

Their positions don’t allow them to fight side by side, so Sylvain spends their entire trip to the fortress telling Felix he loves him.

“You make it sound like we’re going to die.”

“I just felt the need to tell you I love you,” Sylvain says with a smile.

Felix snorts, but the curl of his lips is gentle and vulnerable, and he doesn’t resist when Sylvain pulls him into an all-consuming kiss. Sylvain feels himself breaking.

When he doesn’t see Felix or Rodrigue coming to back him up during the siege, Sylvain doesn’t bother ending the fight, exhaustion seeped into his bones, and he shatters the world.

***

“Do you think happiness is possible for people like us?”

“Everyone decides for themselves whether they can be happy or not.”

“Ah, so are you happy?”

“Maybe not now, but I’ll be eventually, probably. When the war ends.”

“Well then, we’d better survive so that you can find your happiness.”

“Yours, too. It’s a two-way street.”

***

Sylvain doesn’t believe in fate. He doesn’t believe in anything anymore. He’s a decaying soul inhabiting a body that won’t ever see the end of the war and the reconstruction of the world. Every fiber of his being has been pulled taut, and today is the day he snaps.

The Tailtean Plains wail and shriek. There is no energy left in Sylvain to continue this senseless battle with himself.

The glint in Felix’s eyes means he won’t back down. Good. Sylvain brandishes the Lance of Ruin and charges at Felix, summoning the power of his crest just as Felix makes his flash. The light of their crest is blinding and screeching. It’s wrong, so wrong, but Sylvain is tired.

Felix’s sword goes through the plates of his armor like ash, and Sylvain brings down his lance to pierce Felix’s flesh. Their gazes travel to look at each other, and Sylvain sees an entire world of possibilities in these molten eyes, but none of them will grant them what they are wishing for.

“It’s laughable, isn’t it...?”

Felix smiles weakly, and closes his eyes. Sylvain exhales slowly, finally feeling he isn’t racing against time anymore. It leaves him unsatisfied and empty, like he’s forgetting something essential, but he is free. His mind drifts elsewhere, and slams the door shut.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Felix wakes up in yet another body, a new promise brushing his lips; but these promises never amount to anything, because he’s forced to eventually break them.

The Boy with the Unspeakable Name (Ch3)

Fandom: Harry Potter (and the Chamber or Secrets)

Fic Summary: Tom Riddle may have won his battle with Harry in the Chamber of Secrets, but there were a few unforeseen consequences; loss of Tom's memory being the most obnoxious of them. Is it possible to stop Tom's past from becoming his future? Or is the young Tom Riddle doomed to repeat his mistakes?

Character focus: Tom Riddle, Dumbledore

(I'll put the links to chapters 1 & 2 in a reblog!!)

Chapter 3: 

Harry marched up to the desk and set the pile of fabric and sword clattering upon the wood. Dumbledore’s eyes traveled along them, picking up clues as they went, though he didn’t touch them.

“Sir, with all due respect…prepare yourself.”

“Forgive me, Harry, but I am an old man, and one of the benefits, as well as tragedies of age is that very few things surprise you.”

“Hold on to that thought, Sir.”

Harry took the tip of Tom’s hood pulled it back.

The moment Tom’s face was visible, Dumbledore shot up as if he’d sat on a spring, knocking back his chair, its legs making a screeching noise on the wood, his face going white. A stick, much like Harry’s, aimed at Tom’s chest before he saw him dig in his pocket, and his grip was so tight his knuckles were white too, though his hand was perfectly steady.

His blue eyes blazed like Harry’s had green, but Harry’s gaze was turbulent, poisoned waters, and the calmness behind this blaze was something far more disturbing. This gentility pierced through him, creating a hole through which he could peer into his very soul.

Tom got the sudden urge to bite at him, as if he were some animal with venomous fangs. Instead, he simply put his hands in his pockets and said,

“Well, I appear to be quite popular, don’t I?”

Dumbledore looked from Tom to Harry, confusion added to the never-dwindling flames, his grip still poised on what Tom hoped it wasn’t stupid to think was a wand.

“He doesn’t remember anything. Or at least…he claims not to.” Harry gave him the side-eye. “Didn’t even know his name till I told him.” When Dumbledore said nothing he added; “Well, he didn’t try to kill me—at least not after he woke up—and he did let me take him to you. So make of that what you will, Sir.”

Dumbledore walked around his desk to get closer to him, never taking the wand away; then circled Tom like an animal deciding if he was worth pouncing on, and put it to his throat, tipping his chin up with it, examining him. Tom hoped his own eyes were as venomous as theirs.

Closer up Tom realized that blue wasn’t calm. It was Harry’s turbulent waters frozen over in the midst of their raging; the storm ever ready to break out of its icy prison and wreak more havoc upon the world than any of them could bear. But, for now, they simply stared at each other across the too-quiet tundra, two rivals frozen in time, waiting for something to break.

“How is it that a young Tom Riddle finds himself at my school?” His voice was level, and altogether too soft, but behind it was the sound of slowly weakening ice.

Why did he find himself without memory in the presence of his enemies?

“You still have the diary, right?” Harry asked.

Tom didn’t want to lose the staring contest, wanted to see what kind of thing would break out, but dug the mangled diary out of his pocket all the same. Before he could put it on the desk, Dumbledore took it from his hand, and his grip was not harsh, though rather direct.

Tom couldn’t see why the object was so telling, what with all the nothing it contained.

Flipping through what pages were left of it, Dumbledore’s eyes ever flickered to Tom, his wand never wavering. When he saw the name at the front, recognition dawned on him, and his icy gaze rested again upon its owner.

He was starting to hate those eyes.

Tom was more than ready to hear the explanation for this whole situation—he was being very patient, if he said so himself—but none came. Instead Dumbledore looked at Harry, his gaze much softer and asked, more quietly than before, the question trailing off,

“I presume Miss Weasley is…?”

Harry didn’t even have to nod.

She must have been the corpse.

Something very sad indeed set into Dumbledore’s eyes, and at last his gaze shifted. He didn’t look at Tom, instead he deflated slightly, sitting on the edge of the desk, his eyes falling to the floor, and his voice was like a breath of wind before the thunder,

“Such a shame…she was a lovely girl. It is, I think, the greatest tragedy when a young life is snuffed out.”

And now it seemed he was deliberately refusing to look at Tom. As if, if he did, all those waves would shatter out of their finely crafted cages, and send them both tumbling into an oblivion of cold despair.

“Now how would an object of such nature come into Miss Weasley’s possession?”

“I—” Harry swallowed. “I don’t know how she got it—” The thought of speaking her name constricted his throat. “All I know is…She…She’s been writing in it, and he’s been…”—Harry looked down—“writing back.” He said the words like returning correspondences was an action reserved for the worst of villains.

“She was the one writing the messages on the walls?”

Harry gave a single, jerky nod.

Before Harry could continue his explanation, Dumbledore raised a hand to stop him. “Harry, would you mind fetching Professor Snape? Explain to him what has happened—be as detailed as you can. Tell him to bring the strongest truth serum he has. As well as that bottle of mead, if he happens to still have it.”

Harry paused a moment, then his feet sounded against the floorboards, and the door shut with a creak and a bang.

Dumbledore sighed, his eyes grazing over the dismembered diary, before at last settling on Tom—

Was he still breathing? Tom wasn’t sure. He had to look away.

Pity. That was it. That was what he hated most about the way this man looked at him. Harry’s hate was bearable. But this pity, this looking down on him was what he couldn’t take.

Tom glanced at his wand, which had never once moved throughout this whole conversation.

“Isn’t your arm getting tired?” He grunted.

“A little, yes.” Dumbledore answered, and didn’t move a millimeter.

He was expecting Dumbledore to question him, or threaten him, to say something, anything at all, yet he just sat there, looking at him with that gaze like suffocation.

Tom looked anywhere but him. At the bookcase, at the sword, the tattered fabric he now realized was a hat, the bird which landed on the desk next to Dumbledore, and back to the stick in his hand.

“That’s…” Tom paused, unsure he wanted to ask, for surely he’d sounds stupid, “a wand… isn’t it?”

There was something lurking in his voice, a longing he didn’t realize was there until he said it aloud.

Dumbledore didn’t answer right away.

“Yes, it is.”

Something bubbled in Tom’s chest at these words, a dark sort of desire.

“So…So one of you put a spell on me to make me forget? Is that it?”

“Well, I do not have the full story, nor should I presume to know the answers, however…if I am correct in my understanding…this has the mark of your own handiwork.”

Tom blinked up at him. “I did this to myself?”

“Not, intentionally, I am sure.”

“So…I can do magic?” He looked at his hands as if hoping to see magic flowing through his veins.

Dumbledore didn’t respond.

“So where’s my wand?” he asked in an almost greedy way.

“I’m afraid I cannot help you there, Tom. I’m not privy to where you keep your valuables.”

Tom’s temper finally got the better of him.

“Would you care to explain to me what’s going on?!” he spat.

“Not until we know what you know.” He said simply. His calm tone was aggravating.

“You already do!” He stood. “I don’t know anything!” he blazed as if this situation was everyone else’s fault. What did these people not get?

“I would prefer to confirm this fact before divulging any more information.”

Tom fell back into his seat, looking away bitterly and biting his lip

“…Who was that girl?” he grunted after a moment, “The one who died.”

Dumbledore sighed, seemingly deciding this was a question he could safely answer.

“Her name was Ginny Weasley. She was a few years younger than yourself. Kind, spirited…I like to think she would have grown up to be a fine woman some day… I am not looking forward to giving her family the news.”

“Yes but who was she? Why was she killed? Was she important?”

“Important?” There was fire trapped behind that ice; the most violet and vibrant he’d ever seen. The two elements were forever at odds, for if the fire melted the ice, the resulting water would extinguish it. “You ask this as if she was some tool to be used. She was a person, like you and me; of course she was important.”

Ah. So he was one of those sentimental types.

“Where are we?”

Another pause. “Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

“That’s a funny name for a school.”

“Yes I suppose it is.”

“Don’t you think you can loosen up?” he barked. “I’m unarmed, I can’t exactly—”

“There are a number of things I could do, Tom,” said the fire, “be grateful I am choosing this.”

There was another pause.

“So you teach…magic.”

“Yes.”

“…Will you teach me?”

His eyes flickered, betraying something dark in him. “I already have, once.”

“And? That means you could to it again, yes? Will you?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On how you will use it.”

A hero gone astray

“If he had to be characterized with one word, no hesitation possible: he was one of the greatest war captains the world has known. But his career presents an extremely rare feature. It begins very early and very high, and it unfolds, so to speak, backwards. It starts at the end. Barely out of a youth severely supervised by an authoritarian father, six years of victorious campaigns hoist him to the level of Caesar or Alexander. At the age of twenty-two, he becomes a legend straight to the point, without warning. He will never get out of it. By definition, heroes of this genre have no other way out than death. A quick death, if possible. Because time can only bring them degeneration. But death, which was his daily companion, did not want him. Although he took enormous risks, he came out of all his fights unscathed and this invulnerability strengthened his aura. He looks superhuman, removed from the human condition. How do you stay that way over the course of a longer life? The most severe test inflicted on Condé by fate was to survive thirty-eight years of the six glorious years which had brought him to the pinnacle.

He approaches this ordeal hampered by two underlying disabilities. The first is related to the circumstances. The hero model he embodies, and which makes him the idol of the young generation, is a model from the past, based on the aristocratic ethic which still lulls a nobility clinging to its ancient prerogatives. A model nourished by nostalgia and already almost anachronistic at the very moment when the young prince offers its most flamboyant illustration. He is therefore very quickly at odds with a sociological and political reality in full change and the problem of duration, by itself crucial for any type of hero, doubles for him with an additional obstacle: he will only be able to survive by adapting. However, he is all the less free to do so as his status as a hero, added to his rank of prince of the blood, has earned him to become, even outside the military sphere, a focal point, an arbiter, a reference, in good as well as bad. Everything he says, everything he does is noted, commented on, amplified, distorted if necessary, everything has consequences. And as he is very attached to his image, he is largely a prisoner of the idea that others have of him. Under penalty of disappointing his admirers and falling in his own eyes, he is doomed to overbid.

The second handicap is his personality. He obviously possesses the qualities required of an excellent army chief, intelligence, audacity, fearlessness, composure, rapidity of reaction, accompanied by a charisma such as all young people aspire to serve in his regiments, and that the vanquished enemies want to surrender only to him. But that would not be enough to draw him out of the lot of the excellent captains who served in the armies of the time. He is distinguished by an exceptional temperament. There are impulses within him which outclass the interests of money or prestige. A violence, a concern, a deep dissatisfaction, which pushes him to always seek further what is offered, to put himself back into play, to court danger, to defy death itself. A quest for grandeur, even in excess, which has as its corollary an overwhelming contempt for the ordinary mediocrity of ordinary people. In short, ingredients that make up the figure of a hero to varying degrees. But a part of their virulence is usually exhausted in the effort prior to accomplishing the exploits. With him, on the contrary, heroism can manifest itself in a pure state, out of any contingency, as in classical tragedy. Because the means are given to him in advance. To prove himself, he needs an army? it is offered to him. The only thing he lacks is to be king.

He is not king. But faced with a royal authority embodied by a child and exercised by a woman, he is tempted to behave as if he were. He is inclined to take its place in military matters, whether in terms of strategic choices or the management of armies. But the fate of a country is not limited to winning a few battles. [..] Everything is allowed to whom nothing is impossible. The transgression of prohibitions becomes for him a rule of life, with for only imperative the requirement of grandeur, which is measured by the risk run. And as his example fascinates, he is in society a sower of disorder, a ferment of subversion. The gap that separates him from the norm is widening to the point of inevitably colliding with the world around him. Launched into a spiral from which he does not manage to get out, he loses himself in unbridled libertinism and in an irresponsible rebellion which leads him to the frontiers of treason.

The penalty is a double defeat. The first time around Paris, when the king's armies at the end of 1652 put an end to the civil war he has started. A second time in Flanders, in the summer of 1658, when the Spaniards, with whom he joined, are crushed by Turenne at the Battle of the Dunes. He is a loser who returns to France two years later, barely restored to his property and his titles, a loser still prestigious, but stripped of his pedestal and who would do good to lie low. However, he is not yet forty years old and does not judge himself at the end of the race. How to grow old as a hero without falling? He succeeds in the feat of accomplishing, in strict respect of his duties towards the king, an extraordinary reconversion. This very long quarter of a century of effort on himself finally leads him to a death worthy of him.”

Simone Bertière- Condé, le héros fourvoyé.

My Review of Magical Girl Site

How did I get into this anime? I…huh…Good question! I don’t recall. Probably some other anime reviewers mentioned it and I put it on the Amazon/Netflix list hoping I won’t have to watch it any time soon. Two years later and here we are!

Aya Asagiri’s life is a living hell. She is constantly bullied at school and no one does a thing to stop it. Her teachers don’t care about her well-being. Her father barely notices she exists. And to top it off, her brother beats the crap out of her just for him to relieve stress! Is it any wonder that she wants to commit suicide? One night, her computer mysteriously turns on to a website, promoting Aya to become a magical girl. She brushed it off and thought nothing of it…

That is until the next morning when she finds a note and a gun in her shoe locker. After being tortured by her bullies and almost raped, she finds herself at the end of her ropes and pulls out the mysterious gun. When she pulled the trigger, her bullies disappeared. Turns out, the targets are transported to another place. In the case of some of her bullies, they were transported to in front of a moving train.

Karma, bitches!

It’s unknown why Aya was specifically chosen to become a magical girl, but fellow magical girl Yatsumura feels she could use Aya’s magic to combat a looming threat to other magical girls. But they must not overuse their magic, otherwise they will die.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: As of this moment, this anime seems to be in the capable hands of Amazon Prime. And we all know how well they treat animes, right?! Hahaha! Funny! Anyways, don’t expect a dub! The cast seems to be comprised of many female seiyuus I’m not particularly familiar with. I mean with the exception of Aina Suzuki, I hear her sounds every day thanks to the Love Live game apps! Add to that the creepy, raspy voice of Frieza playing the site administrator! One voice actor however I heard the second he let out a creepy, hygena-like laugh, I knew exactly who this crazy bastard was! Nobuhiko Okamoto plays a great psychopath. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Aya is played by Yuuko Oono

*Yatsumura is played by Himika Akaneya

*Sarina is played by Haruka Yamazaki (known for Ruka on Hayate the Combat Butler, Mero on Monster Musume, Aika on High School DxD, and Natsumi on Danganronpa 3)

*Nijimi is played by Yuu Serizawa (known for Shera on How Not to Summon a Demon Lord)

*Shioi is played by Aina Suzuki (known for Mari on Love Live Sunshine)

AUTOMATICLY THROWN ON DISLIKED LIST: Okay children, who automatically ends up on my hate list for life?

Fuckers who commit rape and fuckers who kill animals for fun!

Damn right! Give this anime some credit for not showing Aya’s bullies throwing a cat in front of a moving train. If this were 10 years ago, they probably would have animated it and I would have been puking afterward. I’m not sure which of Aya’s bullies threw a cat in front of a moving train, but for the time being, I’m throwing them all on the list.

And while I’m here, Sarina! She was like the ring-leader in the bullying of Aya. I’m almost certain she’s the bitch that killed the stray cat but I have no proof of that. With my history with horrible people like that, I have no sympathy for bullies in the slightest and feel she got what was coming to her. Bitch, you got that big, ugly scar on your neck for a reason. You got what was coming!

DEFINITELY BELONGS IN DISLIKE HISTORY: Now that I got the usual gripe off my chest, gotta add Aya’s onii-chan, Kaname! Sweet merciful crap, do I love hearing Nobuhiko Okamoto play a psychopath, but this is going way too far. And Kaname is just irredeemable! He has this complex that makes him think he’s on God-tier and everyone else is beneth him. Now I do have to hate Kaname and Aya’s father for placing this kind of pressure on Kaname and beating the shit out of him if he gets bad grades. But good fuck, this guy just pushes past the line of no return when he tries to manipulate little girls, steal their power, and lose control. And this wasn’t like he had no control over his own body and wants to stop this from happening! Kaname meant every thing he did to his sister and her friends. OH…and that one guy he forced to off himself! I just can’t even with this guy!

SHIPPING: I know a lot of people ship the hell out of Aya and Yatsumura and yeah, I can see that and I would ship them too. But for reals, I just want these two girls to live a life of peace together for as long as they’re around. For fuck’s sake, did you see the shit they put up with in their lives? Aya was bullied relentlessly at home and school. Yatsumura watched her whole family be slaughtered by a creep. These girls deserve some sort of peace! I know this is the shipping category, but I felt the need to say this.

STICKS: Okay anime, what are you doing? Aya uses a magical gun! Sarina uses a magical yo-yo! Nijimi uses magical panties (insert immature laugh here)! Yatsumura uses a magical remote! How hard is it to have them say that! And I probably shouldn’t put blame on the anime and holler at the manga! But calling magical items “Sticks”, that feels…I don’t want to say stupid, but I can’t think of any other word to go along with that. I just feel like the manga was on some deadline and they were frantically finishing what to call their magical items and just went “FUCK IT, IT’S STICKS”.

COULD HAVE FOOLED ME: In the “Could have fooled me” category we have a boy who identifies as a girl magical girl! Man, 2018 definitely was the progressive AF year! I mean, we had Lily from Zombieland Saga, we had the girls who transformed into magical buff men in Magical Girl Ore, and now THIS! So we have Kiyo! An openly transgendered magical girl that’s not a token joke! Okay, well done guys! Pearl points all around!

ENDING: Early in the series, we learned about a moment called “The Tempest”. A catastrophic even set to take place once enough negative energy is caught. There are a lot of Magical Girl Site administrators that take advantage of “POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS”. They pick the most unfortunate girls as pawns in their game. And once “The Tempest” hits, everyone will die and the world will start over anew. Aya and Yatsumura end up meeting new magical girl allies and even a few that were coersed by different administrators. Not to mention one of Aya’s bullies is a magical girl too with a score to settle! What could be worse?

How about we add Aya’s disgusting brother to this mix?! As I’ve mentioned before, Aya’s brother Kaname would use Aya as a personal punching bag in order to get rid of stress. When Aya became a magical girl, she would spend more time with Yatsumura or the other girls, leaving Kaname to go without slugging his sister. So fuckface over here manipulates another magical girl, Nijimi to do what he says. This leads to him stealing Nijimi’s underwear and gaining her magical power of mind control. I never thought I would have to say a sentence like that, but here we are.

Kaname went out of control with this power as he managed to injure all of the girls and give a fatal blow to Nijimi. But another possible enemy dropped a bomb on us when they kidnapped Kaname. THEN, these girls are targeted at Nijimi’s funeral and they almost died. Add another plot-twist, a police officer that’s been seen from time to time in a lot of the tragedies in the show is in cahoots with one of the magical girl site administrators. This keeps getting fuckier by the minute! Well, the girls felt it was time to take action and try to take out the administrators that screwed them with this doomed fate. But once they took out one of the administrators, they came across an ugly truth.

Sight administrators are magical girls who died previously!

Yeah, not that big of a shock! Madoka Magica gave us magical girls who end up so corrupt that they become witches they’re supposed to fight. While some of the administrators ended up falling to these girls, Nana (the creepy one we’ve been watching since ep 1) is the hardest one to take out. She ends up killing Yatsumura (because she used up too much of her power), but then manipulates her to become an administrator.

Once she manipulated Yatsumura, she ends up going after Aya. And after a lot of back-and-forth between the two girls, Yatsumura was able to snap out of Nana’s control and they managed to take out Nana. And we end the series with a brighter future for Aya and Yatsumura as their lives become a little less unfortunate.

Yeah, few issues here!

1.) There are still a butt-load of site administrators. Isn’t there still a “Tempest” going to happen? 2.) Aya and Yatsumura’s lives aren’t in danger anymore after using fuck-tons of their power? WTF?! 3.) What was the point of Aya shooting herself to get Yatsumura back? I am not following you. Is this some sort of Insception shit?! 4.) That detective! Misumi was his name? Why was he just casually talking to Nana a few episodes back? 5.) Why don’t we see him until the final few moments in the finale? 6.) WHY DID HE RAPE KANAME?! 7.) WHY WAS THIS SCENE A THING? 8.) I don’t want to say Kaname deserved it, buuuuuut… Uuuggghhh…Mumble, mumble. I can’t finish that thought. 9.) These site administrators are probably pissed and are going to want revenge on these magical girls. What’s going on here?

…Let me guess, I need to read the manga to get all my questions answered…

FUCKING FIGURES!

Seriously...what Misumi did. That scene is forever etched in my brain forever. Next to that scene of Kaname wiggling his junk in front of a guy.

This anime was pretty bad. No wait...

This anime was way too edgy for me! Episode 1 was just absolute torture porn involving Aya. The first episode managed to combine the bully scene in Vivid Strike, the puppy killing scene in Elfen Lied, and every bullying episode of Hell Girl all into one single episode. As for the rest of this series, they go above and beyond to grab some of the worst aspects of other animes and implement them here. Aya’s older brother almost has a God-complex that rivals that of Light Yagami of Death Note. Nijimi has a devoted fan that’s almost crossing over from the movie Perfect Blue. Body mutilation scenes on levels not seen since Higurashi! And fill this world up with the worst kinds of humans imaginable like in Elfen Lied! This was just too much hatred! Too much!

Add to that, there’s absolutely no resolution to this story. Yes, Aya and Yatsumura are alive and together. But guys, there are still some other-worldly strong site administrators looming! Tempest is still happening. KANAME IS STILL FUCKING ALIVE…literally and figuratively speaking! And with how much this anime has been panned by anime fans across the board, I doubt if this anime will ever receive a sequel. Guys, if you want a really good 12-episode anime about magical girls with an edge, just watch Madoka Magica. But if you’re a curious idiot like me, whatever, you do you!

As this anime is an Amazon Prime exclusive, I’m afraid that’s the only legal outlet for this.

Now that this is over, my next Amazon/Netflix/Crunchyroll anime is…

Grand Blue!

Oh, it’s set in a cute ocean town. Am I going to enjoy some cute absurdity like I did with Tsuritama?

Sort of!

OH GOOD FUCK, WHAT FRAT HOUSE WAS THIS BIRTHED FROM?!

I was writing a battle scene, and I needed some cannon fodder for the bad guy side, so I went with “necro-cyborgs”, which I first saw in Avengers v.3 #21.     The original idea was that Ultron wiped out all life in the Eastern European nation of Slorenia, claimed the country for himself, and then rebuilt the dead civilians with robot parts to guard its borders from a U.N. counterattack.  I always thought this was a cool concept, because it highlighted Ultron’s utter lack of humanity.   He’s not just a supervillain like Dr. Doom or the Red Skull.   Even they would probably balk at the idea of using corpses as weapons, but Ultron doesn’t mind at all.  

So that forced me to second-guess my decision to steal that idea.    As I thought back on that Avengers comic, I recalled how effectively Kurt Busiek scripted it.   I mean, look at the panel above.   Fifty-seven words to get the horror and tragedy across.    And the next page has some awesome dialogue from Thor and Iron Man, as they express how deeply disturbed at Ultron’s handiwork.    I was just using it as a throwaway concept, which is kind of a waste.    Really, I should probably go for something more like the cyborgs in the “Universal Soldier” movies, or maybe stick to full-fledged robots or full-fledged zombies.

This got me thinking about how powerful ideas can lose their impact over time.     This Avengers comic was from 1999, and it’s been rattling around in my braid for over 20 years now.    When I first read it, it was a big deal, a fresh new take.   To me, at least.   I’m betting this isn’t the first time a mechanized cadaver showed up in a comic book, but it was presented in a really poweful, effective way, and I’ve never seen it used since, so it’s never really had a chance to become cliche.    If the Avengers fought armies of these things every few months, it would lose all meaning.    Sooner or later, human bad guys like Dr. Doom and the Red Skull would start using this sort of thing, because it would become commonplace.   It’s like how Archie Bunker’s toilet flushing was revolutionary at the time, but I’ve never understood the importance of it, because Al Bundy would flush his toilet in every episode of Married with Children.

This got me thinking about the Borg, and how they sort of lost their luster over the course of the 90′s and 2000′s.    I’ve been getting some Star Trek clips recommended to me on YouTube, and I’ve been watching some Borg stuff from across TNG and Voyager, in nothing close to chronological order.   In their first appearance, they were presented as this powerful, unfathomable enemy.   They wanted to take control of the Enterprise, but it wasn’t clear what they wanted to do with it.   Everyone remembers when they assimilated Captain Picard, and at the time that was presented as this horrible, earth-shattering thing, like the very worst possible thing a bad guy could do.    From there, assimilation was pretty much what the Borg became all about.    They assimilated Picard so he would help them assimilate Earth, and Star Trek has never looked back.     They just want to assimilate everyone and everything.  

So, in this Voyager clip I just watched, it was from an episode where Janeway leads a team onto a Borg ship and gets assimilated on purpose, for the sake of infiltrating the Borg for some mission, I think to rescue Seven of Nine, but I forget.   I always found this odd, because Picard’s assimilation was depicted as this traumatic experience that he never fully recovered from, and then you have Voyager characters doing it as casually as a G.I. Joe dressing up in a Cobra uniform to sneak into their base.    Without really meaning to, they made it so mundane that it lost some of its dramatic potency.  

Some of that I blame on Star Trek: First Contact, where the Borg in that movie had the power to inject nanoprobes into their victims and assimilate them on contact, instead of the hours-long process they used on Picard.    It worked well in that movie, because the Borg were trapped on board the Enterprise, and their only way to stay in the game was to convert the ship to their side as quickly as possible.   Same deal as the Borg Queen.   They invented her because they needed a character for the good guys to talk to and interact with.  

The trouble with all of that was that Voyager had to use all those ideas too, and it seemed a little weird that you have all these thousands of Borg ships with tens of thousands of cyborgs on each one, and they all have those nanoprobe injectors, and they have huge “transwarp hubs” that let them go anywhere in the galaxy, and yet they only sent one ship to assimilate one guy when they first invaded the Federation.   If they’re so brutally efficient about assimilation, and they’re such a big operation already, then why haven’t they already taken over the whole galaxy?   

Besides, what do they need all those bodies for, anyway?    The official line is that they want to add other culture’s “distinctiveness” to their own, but they never seem to actually use any of that.    They just make all thse aliens look exactly the same, and they make them stand around in a big box all day.    There’s never a big idea behind any of it.   They would show Borg Planets and Borg space stations or whatever, and they always looked like the same dark-grey crap their ships are made out of, only bigger.    What’s any of it for?   They’re presented as this cosmic-level threat, like Galactus, except they never explain that he’s hungry.  

I guess what I’m saying is that each Borg story sort of works better in isolation.   Once you start thinking about all of them as a single arc, there are inconsistencies that creep in.   Taken as a whole, they become less potent as a villain.   I always wanted to see the Borg get nerfed a bit, so that we could get into what they’re really about behind all of their power, but it seems like there’s not a lot to them once you take away their air of invincibility.    And that only works for so long.  

There’s other examples of this, of course.  One of the reasons I fell out of reading comics was that it seemed like the only stories they ever wanted to tell were about multiverses and different versions of the same character meeting each other to stop some bad guy from destroying the multiverse.   No one can just fight crime anymore, it has to be an epic battle that will rock the very foundations of the [x] Universe.   The shaky-cam effect in movies probably seemed like a good idea once upon a time, but everyone’s sick of it now.    I read something once about how you never see quicksand in fiction anymore, when it used to show up all the time.    Somewhere along the way it just stopped being novel and audiences stopped taking it seriously.  

Lords and their Knights: When FE Chivalry Goes Gay

@mwritesink prompted me to write about my favorite tropes in FE and how they evolved over the course of the series. I already crossed a few others off in an earlier post, but this one is a particular favorite of mine where M/M romance in this series is concerned and one I felt had enough examples to constitute a piece of its own. Let it not be said that this is merely the gay variation on the well-worn heterosexual romance trope of a lady and her knight (ex. Eirika/Seth), because negotiating the fundamental power imbalance in this type of relationship takes on different dimensions when both parties are male. I draw a closer comparison to courtly love, which in the traditional sense is also socially transgressive (being adulterous) and not consummated via marriage or other public means...which in FE terms means an S support and possibly a eugenics baby. A vassal in love with his lord rather than his lord’s wife is not only cutting the female intermediary out of what can already be a very homoromatic scenario, but it’s directly tangling together a kind of martial romantic love and ideas about what knighthood/vassalage even is or ought to be - two topics FE loves to explore. I’ve therefore compiled a few of the most notable examples of this trope across the series to talk about in more detail, because if one is willing to be liberal with subtext there’s surprisingly quite a few to pick from.

(And yeah, this is also in part because I like hot rich men who take orders, and this series already has plenty of gay or otherwise ambiguously non-straight mages, thieves, archers, and their ilk without my help.)

The Sad Gay Knight: Quan/Finn

This one I’ve talked about before in a fair amount of depth, from my hopes for how a Genealogy remake will treat Finn to speculation on just what Quan got out of this relationship besides a devoted retainer and (we may assume) a nice piece of ass. The summary here is that Finn’s love for Quan supersedes anything he’s shown to feel for any of the various women he can hook up with and quite frankly astonishes in its ramifications for the future of Leonster and Thracia as a whole. It’s poignant, adulterous (but Ethlyn’s probably ok with it?), and messy as all hell once you factor in whatever’s up with Glade and whatever Lachesis wasn’t feeling about the whole situation. It is also, naturally, very sad; Finn loses his lord when he’s only around eighteen, and with their kingdom collapsing around him and the entire continent consumed by war he dedicates the next twenty years of his life to raising Quan’s son to be the king Quan himself had wanted to be. And for all his labor he apparently derives no lasting satisfaction, spending his epilogue wandering around the Yied desert and at last returning only to (possibly) pen the history he’s helped to make. 

Finn is the embodiment of knighthood loyal unto and beyond death, and that paired with all the romantic and erotic subtext surrounding the two of them - Finn as Quan’s treasured favorite, his catatonia after Yied, the obsessive polishing of the brave lance that Quan gave to him, his inability to satisfy women in some vague way - makes them the defining example of this trope in Fire Emblem. I look forward to seeing how remakes will handle them; Finn’s presentation in Heroes is definitely cause for hope there. As for the issue of yet another story in media of gay men beset by tragedy and death, I did draw up a long headcanon on the technically crack pairing of Diarmuid/Tristan that specifically plays into the lord and knight trope while also allowing Finn a chance to pass his experiences on to a later, happier generation. IS is free to take notes, just saying.

Pretty Blond Twinks and the Men Who Love Them: Perceval/Elffin and their lasting influence

Moving on from Jugdral, I’ve got to say that I’ve really been sleeping on the original gay Elibean duo. Before Raven and Lucius (but chronologically after, because these games are out of order) there was another feminine young man with long blond hair beloved of a severe-looking warrior. Binding Blade gives us the bard Elffin, who in another life was Etruria’s Prince Mildain and Perceval’s liege. The Knight General takes Mildain’s alleged accidental death about as well as Finn takes the death of his lord and lady; he turns grim and humorless, and without a dying dream to guide him he follows the command of the corrupt revolutionary faction of Etruria with little protest. It takes learning that Mildain is alive and in Roy’s army for Perceval to drop the halfhearted Camus routine and switch sides, and the strength of his fealty not to his nation or even to his king but to the prince he’d thought dead is absolutely touching in the moment not to mention incredibly useful since the guy is one of FE6′s best units. 

Binding Blade doesn’t give anyone but Roy and his harem paired endings, but there’s still a fair bit to be gleaned from their support lines, both what is in them and what isn’t. Perceval and Elffin each have supports with women, but nothing remotely romantic - Perceval’s support with Larum is particularly amusing since he clarifies that her, ahem, dancing does nothing for him. Also worth noting is that neither of them can support with Clarine, even though one would think they’d make fine romantic choices for her given their statuses and physical resemblances to her beloved brother. Their own support line is quietly intimate. Elffin has changed since his near-death experience, and Perceval is still struggling to accept that their relationship can’t be as it was, that in fact for the time being they can’t now be a knight and his prince. Perceval also frets over Elffin’s refusal to see his father the king, and he later extracts a promise from Elffin to come home to Etruria after he’s done traveling the world as a bard, in one of the series’s several instances of writing what sounds like a marriage proposal in ambiguous terms. Per Elffin’s ending, he’s only gone for a few months after the war, so their promised reunion isn’t long delayed. I’m interested to see what a remake would add to their relationship, because as it stands Perceval/Elffin has an established romance arc that deserves a paired ending or at the very least more suggestive epilogues.

Further compounding their underrated signficance, it’s not too difficult to trace a line from Perceval/Elffin to a number of other M/M pairings in the two later GBA games and in Tellius that present some variation on this theme:

As mentioned above, Raven/Lucius is physically similar and performs a nearly identical gameplay function, with the pretty blond waif again responsible for recruiting his surly but protective boyfriend from the ranks of the enemy. 

Gerik/Joshua meanwhile borrows the character of the end of their support line and turns it into a genuine paired ending, with a prince incognito recruiting a swordsman to come work for him. They being who they are however, it’s all handled a bit rougher, with Gerik being impressed by Joshua’s “swagger.” Take that as you will.

Ike/Soren may be the defining seme/uke dynamic in Tellius’s overflowing fount of queer subtext, but Tibarn/Reyson smashes that trope together with this one and FE’s power couple unit archetype plus a dash of whatever the avian equivalent of furries is for wholly unique results. Although both of them are technically royalty, only Reyson is a prince by heredity whereas Tibarn presumably became king of Phoenicis by beating the crap out of any rival contenders as most laguz prefer to do. One can therefore read shades of a courtly relationship in Tibarn’s decision to zealously take up the cause of justice for the Serenes massacre in Reyson’s place. Combine this with Reyson’s characteristic edge that even Tibarn is forced to rein in at times and their relationship comes off as surprisingly more egalitarian than the sum of its parts. Oh yeah, and blond waif dancer + premade OP unit with ludicrous physical stats and movement again.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the conflict of the Tellius games Zelgius -> Sephiran explores what would happen if a gay Camus archetype chose instead to dedicate himself to an antagonistic lord. Sure, you can still recruit Sephiran via a convoluted and unintuitive process, but Zelgius is doomed no matter what.   

They Can Say It, But They Can’t Do It: Awakening and Fates

Ugh. If I must....

I’ve made no secret of my ambivalence toward FE13 dragging the series into open acknowledgement that same-sex attraction is a thing that exists, handled as it was with a lot of explicit homoerotic denial and an assortment of cheap gay panic jokes and...whatever the hell Victor and Vincent are supposed to be. Chrom/Frederick, hot though it may potentially be in fanon, is one of those jokes, making a parody out of a knight enamored of his lord and leaving it to mean absolutely nothing since Awakening’s relationship endgame is invariably S supports for time traveling eugenics babies. FE has taken cracks at the overly dedicated knight before - see just about everything involving Kieran from Tellius, up to and including his overzealous devotion to his superior officer - but Awakening plumbs the depths of Frederick expecting Chrom’s nude image to raise the army’s morale. Just..what do you even say to that, apart from the awkward sputtering that comprises most of their support line?

FE14, for all its stumbling steps toward something less completely offensive, fares little better in this particular regard. Leo/Niles is a deeply troubled albeit thought-provoking callback to the subtextual lord/knight relationship, one where it’s hard to imagine them finding a healthy way to navigate the power differential. Then there’s Ryoma/Saizo. It’s nothing special in localization, but the never-localized festival DLC involves Saizo’s ardent desire to warm Ryoma’s clothing in his cleavage. That sounds like absolutely normal behavior for a servant and not a rehash of Frederick’s shenanigans, uh huh. Fates may indeed be said to be slightly better about playing palpable homoerotic tension for drama rather than comedy...but only slightly.

Paving the Way for an OT3: The Deliverance

This is, incidentally, yet another reason to appreciate Echoes for doing so much to redeem the 3DS games in the realm of (male) queer content. Yes, there’s a large and unaddressed divide between the openly gay and very modern Leon and the heavily subtextual faux-historical queerness of the Deliverance, but taken independently the two presentations work for what they’re each separately aiming to be. Among Clive’s gay entourage are not one but two men who’d dearly love to be the knight to his lord, and Forsyth’s strong desire to put Clive on a pedestal evokes the earlier spoofs of this kind of relationship precisely because Forsyth is that kind of vassal, the kind that would read Ribald Tales of the Faith War and cry like a heavily erect virgin bottom getting his first taste of dick at the brief interludes of tender manly love between Quan and Finn. He’s played for comedy just as much as Kieran or Frederick are, and yet Echoes comes across as less down on the concept as a whole for several reasons, being that

1) Python’s snark over Forsyth’s attraction to both Clive and Lukas is genuinely funny, much more so than when it’s the object of these affections quietly groaning his way through them,

2) Lukas is also there, and his desire to be Clive’s beloved knight is not played for comedy at all but is allowed to be unrealistic and unsatisfying because Clive will never get it,

3) everyone wants to screw Clive for some reason, not just his subordinates but also his sister and the estranged BFF who dies in his arms...and the guy is shown to be unworthy of all of them, and

4) all the characters involved are allowed other avenues for romantic attraction outside of a lord who’s just not that into them. Forsyth has Python, Lukas has both of them as friends and possibly more later, Clair has Gray (...at least he’s not her brother?), and Fernand has a bad rebound that goes to hell in the manner of Zelgius and Sephiran but at least ends with him getting to reconcile with his former friend before he dies. 

The setup for the Deliverance’s overarching queerness is a bit strange as it rests on all these characters somehow finding Clive attractive, but nonetheless it makes for an unexpected and refreshing critique of the lord and knight trope, given a situation where the lord just isn’t that into it and in fact doesn’t seem to realize that he can be into it. It’s a good reminder that this isn’t a particularly good dynamic for a stable and lasting relationship, and that as hot as it can be it takes more than impassioned one-way devotion to make it work in the long term.

The good news if you’re into this kind of relationship like I am is that it’s a trope with some life in it yet. Echoes came at it strong, and prerelease information on Three Houses suggests a few possibilities for this dynamic in that game. I’m especially keeping my eye on Dimitri and Dedue, whose relationship appears to contain echoes of the original duo of Quan and Finn. I highly doubt there will be anything on the level of S supports acknowledging this type of attraction, but I’ll settle for some suggestive A supports.

In fair Verona, our tale begins with CRISTIAN DE LUCA, who is FORTY-TWO years old. He is often called CLAUDIUS by the MONTAGUES and works as their EMISSARY. He uses HE/HIM pronouns.

TW: DEATH, MURDER

Something in him has always hungered for CHAOS, for TRAGEDY. It’s in his bones, ingrained deeper than any trace of his biological parents and far nearer to his heart than his adopted brother ever was, and it’s followed him like a shadow since the day he breathed his first. It first manifested itself in the form of a two-vehicle accident of which he, a boy of only four, was the sole survivor—a cruel twist of fate that robbed him of his parents and rendered him deserving of pity, but little more. It then came in the form of hopelessness, for a boy his age was simply too old for most prospective parents, too weighed down by the baggage that he may or may not have known he had—and though he never let on, he did. He spent five years in an orphanage, praying to a God he wasn’t sure was listening for a way out and wondering what, exactly, the nuns had meant when he’d overheard them saying that they hoped he didn’t ROT there. But that storm passed the day the Zhang’s arrived to take him home, and for a time, he was happy. He had a family, and it hardly mattered that he looked—and often felt—a bit out of place. It was enough. But his tragedy wasn’t over; it had only just begun.

He tried not to ENVY his brother; he really did. But it was so easy, so natural when his brother had everything he could never have. Their parents loved them both; he won’t deny it, but Howard looked and acted like their son, two things Cristian could never hope to accomplish. Years ahead of him socially, Howard charmed their classmates with his winning smile and made no enemies but for those who envied him, while all Cristian had to show for his adolescent years were impeccable grades and a handful of friends that he never really knew. When they joined the mob, success fell at the feet of the older Zhang brother and evaded the younger until at last, he laid down his gun and picked up his pen. Conniving and skilled at negotiation, he found the recognition he’d CRAVED as an emissary and ran with it, maintaining an iron grip on his position even as others were replaced for their failures. For once in his life, he was the EXAMPLE—the man others aspired to be like. But for a man who’d always wanted more—who’d tried and failed to be satisfied with the lot he’d been given, it wasn’t enough. It could’ve been—it should’ve been, but like an old friend, the hunger remained.

Tragedy bared its teeth for the third time in the form of a woman who’d loved his brother first—who’d sworn herself to him and borne him a son. For all that he’s never been one to shy away from the HAVOC he’s wreaked, he couldn’t take the blame for it alone, as she’d been just as willing as he to betray his brother and her husband. It takes two, after all, and what a pair they made. She was his best-kept secret and he was hers, but a man who’d never learned to be satisfied with the crumbs that fell from his brother’s table couldn’t bring himself to try, and the fourth time CHAOS tapped him on the shoulder, he neglected to look, having decided that the only one fit to carry out the sacrifice was himself. He’d made up his mind, and the only thing left to do was the act itself. So he did. He ran a knife through his brother’s back as he slept and mourned for him when the sun rose, because for all that it had been necessary to get what he wanted, Howard had been a good brother—accepting of him since the day they met, and deep down, he knew he hadn’t deserved what he’d done to him. MONSTERS have their own judges to answer to, and his was unforgiving.

The time for REPENTANCE has passed; he’s too far gone to turn back, even if he wanted to, and despite the guilt that’s rendered him frighteningly PARANOID, he’s found he can sleep most nights—can still look at himself in the mirror and not want to murder the man staring back at him. How could he, when that man still has so much work to do? There’s a civil war on the horizon, and there’s no end in sight to his reign—the king of broken dreams, of everything that goes so beautifully wrong. He knows what he’s got coming to him in this life and the next, but still he smiles, for the wheel has come full circle. The man that was once an unwanted orphan, saddled with tragedy and pitied for the way it made his shoulders sag, is now the harbinger of tragedy itself, and there’s a sick sort of justice in that—a twisted sort of reparation. He is indiscriminate in his DESTRUCTION—manipulative in his charisma. A creature like him was Eden’s undoing, but only time will tell whether he or the city will meet the same storied fate.

KATARINA DU PONT: Pursuit. Ever the seeker of the forbidden fruit, Cristian is always looking where he’s bound to get blinded, always touching where he’s bound to get burned and his pursuit of the Capulet soldier was no exception. Only this time, he knows where to look, he knows where to touch and it’s only a matter of time before he slithers under her skin as smoothly as he’d pressed the knife into his brother’s back. It’s a challenge to him, more than anything. With the added bonus of it being beneficial for the mob if he made progress. And he has no doubt that he will. If he doesn’t, well, it’ll give the Du Pont woman the incentive to seek him out for retribution or to eliminate a threat. He still isn’t sure what her angle would be if it came to that but he doesn’t care. He stands to win a lot more than he could lose.

GENEVIEVE ZHANG: Lover. Few can say they’ve killed for their darlings, but although he can, he won’t dare. She’s told him before that the love she’d had for her husband was gone, withered away with time and all its friends, but—whether due to his guilty conscience or by some form of distrust for the woman (surely she’s earned it)—he’s loath to believe that she’d take kindly to killing him, or even that she wouldn’t seek revenge in some way. They’ve kept quite the secret together, but some secrets are too dangerous to share; he’ll take it with him to the grave with the knowledge that he did it for her, for himself, for them. HENRY ZHANG: Nephew. The boy resembles his father so closely that sometimes, he wonders if Howard has come back to haunt him in the body of his son. It’s led him to resent the younger man for something utterly out of his control, but history is doomed to repeat itself, and he envied his father in much the same way. Regardless of his personal feelings on his nephew, however, he doesn’t mean him any harm—provided he doesn’t try anything foolish.  He’d hate to come to blows with Genevieve’s boy, but one sin makes the next far easier, and once a man’s killed, it becomes something akin to second nature. He’s always been a bit too contemplative for his own good; it’d be a shame if it got him into trouble. ISABELLA GAGLIANO: Target. It’s probably blasphemy to believe himself enough of a god to even approach her, but Cristian hasn’t given much thought to religion since his days spent uttering unanswered prayers. She’s remained neutral, both in regards to the mobs and to individuals, for as long as they’ve roamed the streets, but there’s a first time for everything, and everyone has a price. He wants her on his side; he wants to be the first to place the alleged voice of Verona in his pocket, to corrupt the purity of truth with a couple of well-placed lies. It’s become a dancer between them of baiting and evading. All dances end, though, and – if he dare say so himself – he is quite a formidable partner.

Cristian is portrayed by CILLIAN MURPHY and was written by BREE. He is currently OPEN.

BF ending pt2

Ending it this way is unnecessary the same way Ash's rape in ep 22 was. Max's good message from the previous ep gets undermined while Ash, who has been slowly healing is again getting abused by another completely one dimensional and useless villain. His character is subjected to an absurd amount of trauma and unbelievably set up to get into such situations repeatedly not for the sake of plot but I don't know...pointless sadism. Or as I speculated before to cement what is going to happen to him in the end. Everything is forgotten, Ash wins for a moment but in the next the whole process repeats. Cumulating constant horrifying events just for the sake of it isn't good writing and not just because it's upsetting, sometimes something else happens- the useless agony forced down our throats too much starts to not ring true, it's so excessively extra to the point that it loses the impact it should have. Ending suffers from the exact same flaw. I don't agree the ending is objectively good even if it's unhappy. The worst thing about it is that due to things I wrote about earlier ending becomes not believable, it becomes more like a cliche soap opera than grim real life like tragedy. In the context of the repeating unrealistic patterns of worse torment that nevertheless have Ash pull himself through like a superman each time the ending loses a feeling of finality and realism within the story. That's why I cannot connect with the popular narrative praising the ending for being near perfectly constructed, logical and realistic even though painful. I can't get behind the reception of it as some kind of edgy masterwork in which the huge part of its greatness lays in its overt grimness.

I think people misunderstand that those who don’t like the ending are against it only because it’s not happy, that we could only accept it if it was a ride into the sunset. The way Ash died was tawdry more than clever and it can’t be glossed over. It wasn’t the only right and the best way at all but there’s another missed opportunity here. The whole journey of Ash was about breaking out of the role he’s been given (going against Dino, refused to side with Foxx). The role of the victim and then the one of a monster. He wanted to do it, was cheered on by Eiji along the way. Plagued by doubts if he could but in any case actively working towards freeing himself. When fans often insist Ash can’t be anything but a murderer, can never even try to live normally, live any other way than as a killing machine destined to die it is sadly the same self-defeating thing Ash does, it’s what he’s been told by the villains who want him to be like that and opposite of what Eiji fights to tell him. The ending means crossing out all previous efforts of Ash trying to struggle against it and all support of Eiji’s, it means it was unsuccessful in the end. All that Eiji tried to tell him, how he is a person and deserves to be just that is being finally undermined. He didn’t free himself, he internalized the reductive, negative image and punished himself, didn’t die freed. Remember the time when Yut Lung tried to guilt trip and victim blame Eiji for being Ash’s destruction? He is told he will be the reason for Ash getting hurt and his eventual death and to leave Ash alone or better yet kill himself if he cares for Ash and doesn’t want for it to happen? Eiji calls out this bullshit and doesn’t listen. Eiji rebelled when he was told to distance himself from Ash for Ash’s sake, while Ash (and the audience) totally buys into this narrative that Ash is only an unnecessary danger in regards to Eiji and needs to be separated or die if he cares. Also in the same scene Eiji still doesn’t accept Ash can’t escape and should be who Yut Lung and Dino think he is supposed to be. We all cheered for Eiji during that part of the story so why when Ash listens to what his enemies say about him, what they want from him people just accept this is what he can’t escape? Eiji never bought into the whole “they can never be together anyway because Destiny” either. They are more than a needless trouble to each other and what they are to each other when they’re together is worth more than the risk because they are simultaneously each other’s salvation too. Ash isn’t the only one who needed the other person, Eiji was depressed and purposeless before he came to America and he understands all that. In turn, Eiji isn’t there only to make Ash feel momentarily good, if he actually listened to Eiji it could help Ash to step outside the monster fate others scripted for him and I think it’s a shame that we have an ending that despite all the earlier declarations makes Eiji’s efforts useless, Ash resigns while ending allows the villain’s narrative to triumph.

One thing I've noticed is that people who like the ending saying they embrace the "necessary tragedy" in the same breath reframe it as positive, packaging it in this cushiony comforting language of liberation and sugary uplifting metaphors. Which ring entirely false if you actually face the reality of his ending. In the end Eiji didn't free Ash, having it this way means Ash bled out because he evidently thought he doesn't deserve anything better, ending means that despite cherishing Eiji's love for him Ash died still believing he's a monster who can't escape his fate. Dies believing he can't even be free. He was comforted by Eiji but it did not change anything because he didn't listen to him. I guess some people avoid confronting themselves with all that choosing instead to sugarcoat in order to reconcile but if you appreciate the harshness and you're vocal that some endings gotta be like that then why frantically reconstructing it as a joyful, epic resolution, making it out to be deep and cathartic event. If you say it's in agreement with story themes/convention then at least be consequential and admit it's bleak instead of repeating how it was actually soooo good for Ash to die. I know the strategically placed letter lends itself to try and dress Ash death in superlatives but the truth is all the happy things it meant happened earlier and have zero to do with Ash death, moreover his bleeding out crosses them out, they serve only to sweeten the morbid and sad thing that is happening. The fact of Ash dying didn't make him happy, free, didn't change his life for the better because it literally finishes it. Death doesn't magically capture all the good things forever while getting rid of the bad. So many can't acknowledge what it means, it's really that simple and awful. It doesn't bring anything good to Ash, it doesn't make him feel good. The letter did but death took everything away, the good along with the bad. So forgive me if I'm not thrilled for him...

It's quite cruel that how everything is purposefully arranged to be so doomed for a long time, then at one moment the whole conflict is resolved to give us false hope just to immediately tear it away and knock it down for good. It is of course done for more drama but it's also what makes the end so unsatisfying and makes us feel cheated out of a resolution. This sort of emotional blackmail and mixed emotions used repeatedly through BF to evoke the biggest possible response has once again unintentionally backfired on itself. BF ending is supposed to be a heartbreaker but only a fraction of that emotion is truly authentic or earned because the entire thing is built only to pain the reader, everything targeted with the eventual tragedy in mind. It’s viciously manipulative almost to an unseemly extent and becoming a shameless morbid tear jerker. I don't think there's a necessary correlation between good affecting fiction and the amount of torture inflicted on the character, I don't think the more it makes you squirm the more effective a work of art is, often on the contrary. And once you go overboard with it things become too artificial, coldly calculated. The story sacrifices consistent plot and character growth for cheap thrills in service of one weepy goal. It uses suffering of the characters and the readers in a very exploitative way, counting on creating an impact in such manner risks the story becoming a torture porn keeping it from having real developed resolution.

Camelot ”Zero”

I’ve recovered the translation for “Camelot Zero”, aka Nasu’s blog post on the Singularity backstory before Chaldea’s arrival and thought others could be interested in it.

Translation is courtesy of BL member McJon and can be found in the Fate Grand Order Story and Lore 3D on p.1009

Beware for feels

A Perfect Proposal

Thank you so much for commissioning me again, @woomy-nah! Thanks for your patience!

Summary: Lumina and Tsubaki are ready to give the next step in their relationship, but both of them are too nervous to find the right time to. After drafting fifty different ways of telling Lumina how he felt, Tsubaki decides to take her for a ride...

Commission info HERE and HERE!

The land was Valla. Kamui's army finally managed to reach the homeworld of the true enemy of Hoshido and Nohr.

Every single day after they entered the Silent Kingdom had a heavy air of anxiousness dragging the army. They had to win, otherwise the world would end. They had to defeat Anankos or they wouldn't be able to go back home. They had to be successful, no matter what.

The atmosphere of urgency made everyone wear their nerves on their skins, the loom of tragedy and defeat hanging around their heads.

It was amidst this stressful situation that Tsubaki found in Lumina the only solace for his anxiety. They had started an awkward and shy relationship one year before entering Valla, their bodies slowly getting used to each other's temperature.

Since she hailed from the Ice Tribe, her skin was always colder than the normal person's, though the temperature would rise normally if she exercised or overexcited herself.

Being there whenever that happened brought Tsubaki immense joy -- her pale skin would redden to a boiling point, contrasting with her light pink hair.

The day they shared their first kiss, for example: She was so very nervous her entire body felt as hot as though she had a fever, making Tsubaki fidget in worry and carry her back to her tent, under protests.

"I-I'm not sick, you thick man! I'm just nervous! Kiss me already!" She blurted out, regretting it immediately as he put her back on ground.

He, too, widened his eyes and blushed as hard as her, the tips of his fingers getting cold with nervousness. "T-this is the one thing I could never practice, so forgive me if... I'm not perfect at it at first..." He gulped, losing his voice as their breaths intertwined before the kiss.

They flinched as their lips touched, unused to such strange and intimate caress, but soon their smiles widened and their bodies tangled themselves. They explored, played and lost their breaths, laughs being muffled inside their throats.

That had been the first of many, many more.

Lumina herself shared all, if not more, of Tsubaki's firsts. She had never held hands with someone and, due to her harsh upbringing, she never felt the need to.

Ah, the day they held hands for the first time! Tsubaki could pinpoint the exact moment her temperature skyrocketed from cold to fever-hot simply by the brushing of their fingers! To this day it still brings a smile to his face whenever he feels her hand warming up on his.

The nights they spent under the same stars, simply enjoy each other's presence and silence (despite Tsubaki deeply loving hearing Lumina's melodious voice); or the days they fought side by side; the mornings they trained together and groomed their mounts; the afternoons spent leisurely side by side... Every single day had been filled with one another, and Tsubaki wanted it to continue forever.

He wanted to do everything right with Lumina. His pride was still hurt from his failed confession, although his beloved always said it was a treasured memory; to watch him fail and comfort him.

Only by Lumina's side did Tsubaki learn to open up about his worries and anxieties -- about how burdened by perfection he'd always been and how very freeing it was to simply have a friendly ear and a loving hand to run through his hair whenever he felt down.

Only by Tsubaki's side did Lumina start learning the wide array of emotions people usually displayed in one-on-one relationships. For the first time, she laughed loudly after witnessing something funny (she kept apologizing for laughing, but watching him trip and fall on his face will always be funny) and felt so happy she felt like crying. The falcon rider worried every single battle, not about herself, no, but about her beloved. Her heart wrung with worry every single day, and was freed from preoccupation after each victory, succumbing in Tsubaki's arms to celebrate.

She wanted to do everything right with him. After finally experiencing what true happiness was; by simply staying beside someone she truly loved, she knew that the way she had lived until then was wrong.

She wanted to share all of these new experiences and build her future with Tsubaki.

She wanted them to start over; not their relationship, no. She wanted them to start over her life. The new Lumina who was born after experiencing love with Tsubaki wanted to accumulate more and more memories with him, for as long as their lives allowed.

After arriving in Valla, these thoughts were painted in a sense of urgency. They could be walking right into their deaths, and although prepared for it due to her training, Lumina's heart spoke to her for the first time... It wanted to spend more and more time with Tsubaki, not only during this war, no; especially after it.

What could she do to show him her devotion? The depth of her feelings? She wasn't one to express them very well, and usually only responded to his words. But no; this time she wanted to be the one to convey everything properly.

Looking at her hands, Lumina remembered an old-fashioned way to propose to someone and gulped, already feeling her cheeks reddening. Using their ice powers, the tribesperson would craft a flower that best represented their beloved, put it onto a pin and have it delivered to them. If the person wore the pin on the next day, it would mean that they have accepted the proposal, and a proper one was to be had in person later on.

Before, Lumina simply watched with apathy whenever people would get engaged at her tribe, but now that she was the one experiencing it, wanting to give the first step... She somehow sympathized with them.

Hah, look at her, sympathizing with people! Truly only the new Lumina could ever feel that way, thanks to her beloved Tsubaki.

Before that war was over, before they headed to their final destination, before they faced their impending doom... Lumina wanted to convey her true feelings. She set to work right away, her trembling and sweaty (!) hands getting the best of her.

On his side, Tsubaki had done everything he could to research the customs of his beloved's tribe -- digging his nose into old books at the Records Hall, asking Felicia in roundabout ways and even sneaking around ice tribe people to learn even the minimal details about Lumina's birthplace.

This time, he would do it perfectly! He already had a flower in mind for his beloved, however, due to his inability to control ice, he would need to manipulate glass instead.

That also led to another road of study entirely, but that didn't bother him. Losing a few hours of sleep so as to spend the day with Lumina and the night learning on how to make a perfect flower for her would all be worthy in the end.

He even had the day picked! One week before they reached Castle Gyges -- that was his deadline as well as the day everything would change, for better or for worse.

Their battles would become more fierce and their focus would need to be completely fixed on the war. But Tsubaki knew he wouldn't be able to give his all while he had such underlying question and burst of feelings inside his chest. He wanted to take Lumina as his wife! He wanted to scream to the world that she was the one who would spend the rest of her life with him!

He wouldn't, of course, but his chest clamored him to do so.

As the day approached, Tsubaki checked out all the perfect things he would do so as to lead to the big question. First, they would share a ride on his pegasus (the body contact was important! She couldn't bring her own pegasus!) as he led them to the tallest peak of that upside-down world, intent on watching the sunset in her presence.

He would ask to braid her hair the moment the moon came out (or rather, the moment it started shining its silver light, since that immense moon never left the sky) and would carefully place the pin at the tip, showing it to her after.

"Perfect, perfect..." He nodded to himself as he groomed his horse.

Oblivious to his intentions, and harboring the same sentiments in her heart, Lumina was nervous to the breaking point. She had finished the frozen Camellia flower a long time ago, but didn't know where to begin.

The day Tsubaki called her for a ride at the late afternoon made her heart skip a beat. It's gotta be now! She thought, clenching the pin by her pocket.

"How do you find such beautiful routes amidst all this fighting?" She asked, mesmerized by the sight in front of her: since Valla didn't have a proper 'ground', the sky engulfed everything the moment they flew out of a floating island. They could see the clear division as the sky darkened over them while still being illuminated under the pegasus' wings.

"Well, you know me. Perfect!" Tsubaki boasted, feeling confident that everything would go smoothly. He had rehearsed everything at least fifty times in the span of three days; there was absolutely no chance she would react in a way he hadn't predicted.

"Oh, right. I forgot." She sneered, leaning her head on his collarbone and closing her eyes to enjoy the breeze.

If her own heart hadn't been thundering inside her chest, Lumina would have been able to hear Tsubaki's own thumping heart. He was at the fainting point, honestly, but just being beside her made all of his worries melt away.

The royal retainer's shoulders sagged slightly, making his beloved breath out in contentment. She always loved when he relaxed. He was constantly stressed about keeping his image up, so Lumina was always more than happy to offer him a safe haven to just be himself.

She couldn't wait to keep doing it for the rest of her life.

"There it is. Do you see it?" Tsubaki nudged Lumina awake, pointing at a single island in the sky. The closer they got to it, the smaller it looked -- it truly looked as though a single cathedral had been blown up in the space, its remnants floating aimlessly around Valla's sky. The place they reached was but part of the ruins of what one day was the Cathedral of Gyges, though neither Lumina nor Tsubaki would ever know that.

The cold stone floor felt somehow lonely as they landed, the forgotten garden growing wildly due to lack of proper gardening. It had a strange beauty in and of itself -- a place where they assumed so many occasions were held, forgotten up in the sky... now belonged only to them.

Lumina walked slowly through the stones, committing everything to memory: the columns were filled with ivy and strange flowers; the floating fish relishing on the untamed flora.

As dusk fell, some of the flowers started shining their lunar light, illuminating the place as though thousands of multi-colored fireflies had taken flight at the same time.

"Tsubaki, this is amazing..." Lumina blurted out, turning to look at her beloved.

The moment she did, she lost her breath: He was kneeling on the floor, holding up a small box. Inside of it lay both a ring and a glass Lantana flower. "T-Tsubaki...?" She placed one hand over her heart, trying to discern dream from reality.

When did she fall asleep?

"I may have skipped a step or two, but I couldn't miss this moment: illuminated by the flowers, under this silver moonlight... I ask you, Lumina of the Ice Tribe, to marry me. Will you do the honor of being my wife?"

Her golden eyes wide, the wind lifted hair and clothes alike, putting her blushing mien in evidence. "Is- Is that a Lantana flower? Do you know what that means?" She stuttered, covering her face in embarrassment.

Thinking her reaction cute, Tsubaki only tilted his head to the side. "I know it is not the best one, but 'Rigor' was the first thing I thought about you when we met -- how you looked strict and hard to approach. The Lantana flower has a bright yellow and light pink variation, which perfectly reminds me of you and your adorable features-"

Lumina crouched, too embarrassed to speak, covering her face with both hands. "Oh, gods... You didn't mean it... in that way...?" She started trembling.

Panicking, Tsubaki stammered. "Uh, I- Forgive me, love, but I- I don't understand your reaction." He froze. The way she acted was in no way close to all the fifty expected reactions he drafted throughout the week.

"Pfft... heehee... hahaha!" She giggled, then laughed, her body trembling due to mirth, not from shock or whatever dark thought crossed Tsubaki's mind at that moment. "You silly goon!" She sat on the ground, her legs weak due to the laughter.

Drying her eyes with one hand, Lumina took something out of her pocket and presented it to Tsubaki: the frozen Camellia pin.

Opening and closing his mouth, Tsubaki was unable to move due to the shock. "I- I still don't understand your reaction..." He couldn't process the happiness yet, Lumina's laughter throwing his heart into a turmoil.

That question set her off again, making her entire face redden as she giggled. "I-it's a very old custom in my village, but back when my grandparents were courting each other, the Lantana bouquet meant... that they wanted t-to have a s-sexual intercourse t-together..." She choked on some words, not being able to look up to her beloved.

One second passed. Then another. Then two more.

"OH GODS, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" He cried out, flopping on the floor. "Everything was simply perfect, PERFECT! How could I mess this up so- so INDECENTLY?!" He sniffled, hiding his face between his arms.

"Haha! I missed this!" Lumina laughed, her heart beating so fast her vision started to blur -- oh, those were tears. "I love you!"

"Surely you don't want to marry this perfect pervert..." He cowered, holding his knees.

"You're so silly-" She sniffled, yet again crying of happiness. She reached out to his clenched hand and took the small box out of it, immediately putting the pin right over her heart. "Of course I'll wear your pin with pride... Away from my tribe, that is, pffft."

"Nooo!" He laughed, nervousness finally shaking his body. "I'll do everything right next time! Could you give it back?"

"No way! I like this one. Besides..." She looked away, quickly shoving the camellia pin over his chest, "it's not like it... IT... won't happen, anyway, so..."

"L-Lumina..." Tsubaki covered his face with one hand, his entire body heating up.

"I'll regret saying this so much, so please, just put this ring on me, okay? I wanna hide in a hole." She lifted her hand without looking up at him, too embarrassed to even process what she had just implied.

Trembling, Tsubaki gulped, unable to find the right words to describe that moment. A weak 'alright' left his throat as he slowly slid the ring on her finger -- a perfect match, at least -- and felt his eyes burn with emotion right after.

His wife.

She had accepted! Lumina would marry him!

"I won't mess it up next time, I promise you, my darling... wife." He huffed, slowly lifting her chin so their eyes could finally meet.

Her plump, pink lips invited him in, her teary eyes making her even more endearing than usual.

"M-my husband." She replied, closing her eyes for the impending kiss. "I won't mind if you mess up next time, either. I'll love you regardless." She whispered after their lips touched, opening her mouth to welcome his caress.

Oh, but I won't mess it up. Not THIS. He thought with conviction, wrapping his arms around her waist.

For their future happiness!

- Accursed Blessing I. -

Act I – Tribute of the Divines

A child was born, pure of human senses of judgement, duty and knowledge. At his cradle came to give their pledge, three goddesses of heaven, sisters of Celestis.

The child wandered in dreams as the sisters gathered around. Intrigued by the purity profound; the lost treasure of kings and queens.

The youngest sister stepped out, caressed his head, her snow-white hair gently touched his joined hands. Her name is Alba, an angel of forsaken lands; it was a goddess of words staying at his bed.

“Sleep, child, while there is still a dream to cherish. Once you are awake, a dreadful path you will tread, pained and lonely, you will miss your warm bed. But do not fear it, you will neither fail nor perish, for we will watch over you. I, Alba of the lands forsaken, will be with you as you reawaken, to guide your hand through the world written anew.”

The goddess of book and quill, ever so bold, leaned forward and kissed the child’s cheek. He is small and frail, but no longer weak, the gift of writing would shine down on his dark road.

Alba... her realm is travelled only by few, for who would willingly wander alone? Wanderer explores the land forlorn, forever old and forever new. Still the goddess uses all her might to help her children on the forsaken road, at its end, the promise of joy tenfold, the divine delights dwell, for which mortals fight.

Although she is youngest of the three, Alba’s powers exceeds all and any. With her thought a world is created, and with it many as well faded.

-

The eldest looked at the sleeping boy wondered whether she gives her pledge. “Another gift would make his spirit foil, but his senses sharpened like an edge.”

Aura, goddess from the house of melodies, full of friends, free of enemies, doubted her decision more than ever, wished to save the child from painful endeavour.

“Can we make a perfect human of this child? One wild of nature and calm of mind? There will always be a price to pay for talent, that is the way of fate, unwanted and ambivalent.”

Aura knows more than anyone how success is failure’s son. Her fair hair and voice angelic... although divine, she is a cursed relic. Through pain and loss the voice goddess rose. Now at the cradle she stands fighting her own moral laments.

She looked at the middle sister blankly expecting her move to provide a decision. She approached the child and watched, her eyes saw more than a kid, a dreadful vision.

-

Atra, the goddess of visions and memory, her blood red eyes saw a lot of pain, war, love and treachery, her torment never was in vain.

Her gift is to see more than meets the eye, and remember the stillness of the world around. Once the time of art is nigh, a memory to a canvas is eternally bound.

“Alba’s gift was more than enough. We already interfered beyond our limits. His life will be dangerous and rough should Fate ever hear of this.”

-

Unfortunate this sentence was, an unexpected turn of the cause. Fate made her appearance in the room, a failed progeny of doom.

Strange powers bound the sisters powerless as the Fate took over their place. She came here to curse the child, not to bless, to turn his righteous pride into disgrace.

“So it is a gift you wish for... Fear not, I shall provide a suitable one. As for the gift you received before, keep it, your life had just begun.

I give you a gift of eternal pain, knowledge of what could have been had your trying not end in vain and your dreams so close to be seen but never close enough to grasp, I promise you will cry and gasp in agony begging me to help this useless insignificant whelp! And I grant you the curse of the soul-wrecked; you shall know and fear of being imperfect! Go now, Alba’s young apprentice, the gifts of her sisters you shall forever miss.” Fate and the goddesses faded away, left the child a high price to pay for a life neither asked for nor wanted. What lies ahead is a story, tragic and haunted...

Act II – A kiss, my beloved...

The child grew up in great haste, his gift is still unfound but not in waste. Alba, in her kingdom imprisoned by fate, grieved and cried, forced to watch and wait.

She wished to help the kid right away, to banish the dread and dismay. Alas, there was nothing in her power to escape the heavily guarded prison tower.

-

Six times the winter came and went, bringing sadness in every moment spent. Loneliness sank its vicious teeth into the skin, and the kid started thinking: what could have been?

Laments sent out a silent cry, thus far the child did not wish die. Once upon time, on a lonely wintry night, the child went to sleep, only to wake as a knight.

In a dream, often shrouded in mystery, he met a girl – to his life the greatest victory. The moon shined brightly upon those two, love-struck, they immediately knew this encounter is above fate and nature, an adventure for the chosen ones to tread and wager. The dream was coming to an end, no more than their eyes have met. Yet, they both knew what was in their mind, a wish for kiss, the sweetest of its kind. The sealing of lips was nearly made, but alas, sooner this dream had to fade.

The child woke up cast out from heaven once again, back into reality, the hell’s harsh and dissonant den. But this time he entered without a frown. In tears of joy he could swim and drown.

For years the child wandered the halls of hell, what he was thinking, no demon could tell. His heart like the one of a dog, loyal, relentless and lost in a monologue, awaited his mistress with tempered belief, his heart hidden well from any thief.

Sixteenth winter had passed since his birth, the child started doubting his true worth. No miracle brought the two lovers together, from angel’s wing falls the last feather.

Fate smirks and grins at her triumphant trickery, douses the flames of hope to induce misery. Alba still trapped along with her siblings, sends her children to do her biddings.

“Go forth, daughters of affection, I place my apprentice under your kind protection. Go forth, be swift! Free him of the guilt and unveil my gift!”

So the two daughters hurried, hardly breathing, the two muses emerged in the world of the living. In a place once filled with love and light, they found the child, wounded from the fight.

Act III – Honour turns to horror / Monarch of Hell

Now they were three on this journey of tragedy. The muses told him of the gift in his soul, a way to fend off his perilous agony, one that is worthy of its toll.

With quill and blood he wrote, but never ceased to wonder: where is the colour and where is the note? Doubts slowly started ruining his mind asunder.

“Unneeded or unwanted am I? I break down for no reason why. As if cursed was this gift weighing me down, As if fate itself wanted me fall and drown.“

The muses looked at each other anxiously, to them he was still like a family. They revealed fate’s curse, unknown to him, laments turned his feelings dark and grim.

-

Fate has won both the battle and war, swept away his hopes with no remorse. When there was no place to go anymore, the child shut himself behind iron doors.

There his mind fell into dark depths into hatred, lust and laments. No more did he wish to live and create, no more time to waste, no more time to wait. “There’s a battle to be waged once again, this time all my anger I shall unleash along with pain! Brace yourself fate, I will tear apart your wings! You will regret the day you moved my strings. And should I die, I care not. Life never was the place I sought. Death walks with me as a friend, who sees to it that I shall end with a smile on my soul and face as I slay the one who upon me bestowed disgrace.”

Fate and the child - each other they still loathe, a war’s end needs the death of both. They have yet to cross swords and blades, and when the child´s life-light fades the Pale Lady takes them both to hell where their story I can once again tell as I did so many times before, and yet, you all read and listen without bore.

Act IV – The Chaos Walker

“Alba... heed my words, for I can no longer heed yours. I, the chaos walker of the real worlds, have lived through enough wars. Your gift I will no longer use, your ideas I will no longer follow. Find another child to abuse with your hope that brings sorrow.”

Is this what I really wish for? Anxious and uncertain chaos doth be... It is both all and every and neither, nor, a spiral of colour which no one can see.

I wish to be no more the fire that heals and water that burns, bloody peace and merciful war, the kindness given and meanness that returns, silent cry of a loud, deaf person, white pawn on a square of a black king, the remedy that will worsen and the venom that can heal everything.

Here I stand – the chaos walker. I, the child who in darkness grew older, and swore vengeance upon the thread weaver and the strong currents of fate’s river.

Years passed, tears were shed. To nought but darkness my path led. The light of my long lost heart is hidden in the words of my art.

Alba, answer me, for your cursed child became a monster most unkind. Would you let this weary soul yield as it threw away pride and kneeled?

Act V – Archdemon Faust

Many times I stumbled just to survive. My actions like thorns on a rose, will hurt those who wished to adore, and all who upon me wearily repose.

How can I ever undo my mistake? Welcoming the body and heart of a dame different from the one fated... All just to survive and keep sane...

This thorn... I don’t want her to bleed, nor by a fact that I find it not a mistake. It was to remain sane - and the same person whose name I used to take.

Perhaps it is too late for me to see another day, even if a brighter one. I had to become the evil side of nature - by losing to the truth, I have truly won.

As a demon, I’m seeing only myself. I gaze upon my own needs neglected, and mercilessly follow what it needs to have one’s life corrected. And now less than a human I am called? The same shadows we all bear inside; what they suppress and neglect I decided to no longer hide.

Tempered by confinement remade by a dystopian world; I have taken on a new name - Faust the archdemon of nature. Still I am a mirror to whom you vent, the same lover to whom you’ve curled when you realised love is just a game that gets better the further in you venture.

 Come see me in the darkness where you needn’t light to see that body gives us joy regardless of poor ugly me.

Embrace the evil of freedom where in mind you can find that we’ll get what we want and still remain in heart kind; for it is now we know what is true - the nature’s call we no longer heed. In life upon lust we want to feed, and by death, we’ll have all we need.

Auror Recs (part 1)

More backing up previous recs. This is going to take a while. :D But in the meantime, Auror Recs! In which Harry or Draco are Aurors. Sometimes both, sometimes as partners :) The Rabbit and the God by who_la_hoop (R, 19,1K) Summary: When Draco Malfoy goes missing, in the most peculiar of ways, frustrated Auror-in-training Harry Potter goes on a search for his absentee enemy that leads him to Muggle Japan – and to a mystery that will take more than magic to solve. A Fair Cop or here at AO3 by oceaxe (NC-17, 6,3K) Summary: Harry Potter walks into a cafe for some coffee, and instead gets the surprise of his life. Plus some coffee. Defendere or here at AO3 by lomonaaeren (NC-17, 36K) Summary: Harry stumbles into a magical ritual meant to enslave Draco, and manages to change the bond so that it leaves Draco with free will and the ability to make decisions even if he is bound to Harry. But that isn't much comfort when it also leaves him with the ability to irritate the hell out of Harry in the name of "guarding" him. Content/Warning(s): bonding!fic Fade to Silver by furiosity (R, 11,2K) Summary: Four years ago, Draco Malfoy disappeared from the wizarding world. This is the story of what happened after that. Content/Warning(s): Memory loss A Test Of Character by silentauror (NC-17, 22,1K) Summary: Draco Malfoy is nearly finished his Auror training. However, something comes up in his character testing which may prevent him from qualifying: he is required to befriend an old enemy. Something to keep it interesting or here at AO3 by jamie2109 (NC-17, 8,8K) Summary: He would have preferred to remain exactly where he was; their positions allowing him a closeness that otherwise would have been construed as…something else. But, he was positive that if he’d had to keep on inhaling Draco’s wonderfully erotic scent for too much longer at close quarters, he would have surely given in to temptation and done something completely idiotic. Like lean in to see if Draco tasted as good as he smelled. The Simple Joy of Living by mahaliem (R, 40K) Summary: When Viktor is attacked, Harry and Draco work together to find the culprit. Warning/Content:: Epilogue Compliant Yuletide Treasure or here at AO3 by rurounihime (NC-17, 10,5K) Summary: Harry finds he has a lot to lose this Christmas. Now The Shining Sun Is Up by lettered (PG-13, 23K) Summary: Someone at the Ministry has it in for former Death Eaters. Draco Malfoy launches his political career as a rebel. Harry thinks it’s all a laugh. The Secret Lives Of Shadowmen by calanthe_fics (NC-17, 44,2K) Summary: Being wizarding Britain’s most famous Auror isn’t all about defeating Dark Lords and saving the world. Sometimes it’s about low-priority stakeouts, rediscovering old acquaintances, and learning things about yourself you might be better off not knowing. Warning/Content:: Sort of ambiguous ending The Most Unlikely of Places or here at AO3 by scarlet_malfoy (NC-17, 35,8K) Summary: 'The Last Band' of Death Eaters is a threat to all those families who reconciled with the Ministry after the fall of Voldemort, most especially the Malfoy family. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy discover that they are in the same Auror Training Class. As Long As You Mean It by dreamyraynbo (NC-17, 11,9K) Summary: Ten years after the end of the war, Harry finds himself stuck working with Draco Malfoy to solve the murder of a friend. When the past intrudes on the present, he realizes that he's been hiding from his feelings for long enough. Lies of Liquid Truth by spark_of_chaos (NC-17, 47K) Summary: The fact something is not a lie does not make it true, just as not all untruths are necessarily lies – Draco has grown up knowing that. Harry has also learnt it eventually. What he must now see is that the trick lies in asking the right questions because you may never get another chance, and that the hardest of it all is to tell apart the truths from your own lies. Secretary Tuesdays, or: Things Unspoken by ashe_frost (PG, 4,3K) Summary: Every Tuesday, Head Auror Harry Potter gets a new secretary, until one day he hires Draco Malfoy, who is oddly determined to find out why. Bitter Honey, Green Night or here at AO3 by faithwood (NC-17, 14,2K) Summary: Sometimes we want to be saved; sometimes we need to grow up. Elemental by sesheta_66 (NC-17, 16,5K) Summary: When a group of witches and wizards fall ill, their magical power mysteriously drained while on tour of the Shetlands, Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter must get beyond their past and work together to solve the case and prevent further tragedy. This Unexpected Windfall by mindabbles (NC-17, 11,3K) Summary: Harry doesn't like it when Draco is called in to analyse the evidence on one of his cases. No. He doesn't like it at all. Excuses, Excuses by Leela (NC-17, 14,2K) Summary: To Harry Potter's dismay, his boss seems to think that he's the only one equipped to handle Draco Malfoy and the weird things that follow in his wake. Unfortunately for Harry, dealing with his own reactions to Draco is another matter entirely. One Harry Potter, Please (If Possible, Seduced and Ready) by faithwood (NC-17, 60K) Summary: All Draco wants is Harry Potter's friendship, just to make his new Auror job more bearable. However, after Harry stubbornly pays more attention to everyone else — including his secret admirer — Draco is forced to resort to drastic measures. And get more than he's bargained for. Title: Tissue of Silver or here at AO3 by fearlessdiva (R, 760K) Summary: A love story concerning possessed furniture, black silk pyjamas, courtroom drama, premonitions of doom, assassination attempts, Death Eater yoga, absinthe, bare feet and a sensible werewolf.

[Recap] AMC’s THE TERROR Episode 7: “Horrible From Supper”

The mind is a powerful thing. It takes in external stimuli, interprets the ramifications of that information on the fly and converts it into electrical impulses that control everything from your sweat glands to your body movements. When everything works correctly, you can perceive a threat and make a rational decision in milliseconds based on hundreds of different variables. When everything is not working correctly, if a foreign agent has been introduced into your system that alters just one facet of this process, things begin to become slanted and skewed.

Maybe your vision is slightly impaired and you cannot see a crack in the rocks you’re climbing. Maybe you begin to hear things that aren’t there, voices telling you to do unspeakable things to those around you. The foreign agent slowly takes control and begins to make your body do things that it would never do on its own. This is what is happening to every single character on AMC’s The Terror, and it is manifesting itself in a creeping madness that is beginning to unravel even the strongest of men.

    There are two foreign agents that have revealed themselves over the last few episodes. The first is Lead. Each crew member has been slowly poisoning themselves for years with the lead that has leaked into their canned provisions. This has caused headaches, paranoia, and in the severe case of John Morfin this week, a bad case of “suicide by Marine”. He has been complaining for weeks of having unnatural thoughts and he apparently reached the end of his rope this week, begging to be killed to put an end to the pain. Morfin got his wish after the rifle he was pointing at Captain Crozier misfired and he caught a bullet to the head for his troubles. Not only was this the end of one man’s life, but it was yet another nail in the coffin of every other crew member’s psyche.

Henry Collins laid in his tent, not even poking his head out to see what the commotion was about. He stared at the canvas ceiling, seemingly resigned to the madness that has already begun to take hold in his own mind. Dr. Goodsir, probably the finest and most pure man on this expedition, finally loses control and begins to hyperventilate in his tent. In the most beautiful scene that The Terror has given us so far, he is comforted by Lady Silence, who quietly lays herself down beside him and holds him until his breathing slows down. She can no longer talk, but she makes sure that he feels safe and secure, even when everything around him is out of control.

  “If it comes, it comes. All you can do is make sure you’re not the one in its jaws.”- Cornelius Hickey

  The second foreign agent that revealed itself this week is none other than Mr. Cornelius Hickey. Ever since the flogging he received from Captain Crozier, we have known that Hickey’s motivations are not completely altruistic. He has been slowly sowing the seeds of insurrection within the minds of his fellow shipmates. Now, we have learned that he is aware that the food is poisoning them. He knows that they have found the heads of the advance party that left last year, the one that has “supposedly’ found help and is on the way back for them. He knows that Crozier and Fitzjames have been lying to the entire crew about both the dangers of the food and that their rescue only made it 18 miles from the ships before Tuunbaq found them. In previous episodes, his shenanigans could be marked down as another side effect of cabin fever mixed with the rancid, lead-laced food. In “Horrible from Supper”, however, we begin to see that it isn’t the madness sweeping across the camp that turned Hickey into the menace he has become, he was mad before the ship even set sail.

The episode begins with a flashback to before the ships left England. A young man named Cornelius Hickey reports for duty. He is a fresh faced young man who asks for advice for his first mission. “Just show up on time“, the officer responds, to chuckles from the fit and well-fed crew around him. It is confusing at first, because it is plain to see that the young man reporting for duty is not the Hickey that we know. He’s younger, clean-shaven, chubbier. I brushed it off as a flashback to farther back in time, back when Hickey was younger and reporting for duty on a different mission. I was wrong.

  In the present, Hickey joins John Irving and another crew member for a hunting expedition at the end of the episode. They crest a hill and find a small group of Inuit men dragging their hunt behind them on a sled. John tells the others to stay behind and he goes down to try to speak to the group. As he introduces himself to the Inuit and exchanges a bit of seal meat for his telescope, we can see Hickey and the other man on the top of the hill. When John asks the Inuit to stay in place, however, the two men are no longer on the horizon.

Worried, John hurries back up the hill to see a dark shape straddling one of the men, looking like a phantom plunging its hands into the body of its victim. As he approaches the figure, it shrugs off its coat to reveal Hickey, only in his underwear and holding a knife. He pounces on Irving like an animal, stabbing his chest over and over again. The brutal attack culminates in him holding his hand over John’s mouth as he bleeds to death, smirking and planning all the while.

  “Friend, Mother, Lover, all the things they say a ship is to a captain and they miss the only thing that matters… Confessor”- Francis Crozier

  The scene is inter-cut with another flashback, this time it is the Hickey we all know and love coming aboard the Terror, reporting for duty. He claims that the reason the officer doesn’t recognize him is because he grew out his beard, but we know the truth. He is not Cornelius Hickey. He is a foreign agent that has killed the real Mr. Hickey and taken his place on board this ship. We knew that he was a dangerous man, but we never really knew just how dangerous he was. Before, when wronged, we saw him defecate on his enemies beds or spread gossip about them behind their backs. Now, with the scene in the frozen wilderness and the flashbacks as our guide, we know that Hickey is an animal. He is just as dangerous as the lead in the food or Tuunbaq in the night. He is using this act to further the men’s paranoia and distrust. They are already in a horrific state, barely hanging on to sanity as it is, and Hickey wants to exploit that to get others to join his cause.

No scene better illustrates the state the men are in than the interaction between Collins and Dr. Goodsir earlier in the episode. Collins breaks down to the doctor over what he is going through. He’s not afraid or paranoid, as most of the men are. Instead, he’s disgusted with himself. In a scene that chilled my bones and gave the episode it’s title, Collins describes to Goodsir what has been going through his mind since the tragedy at Fitzjames‘ Carnivale:

  Collins: “Now I can’t stop smelling the Carnivale.” Goodsir: “The smoke, you mean.” Collins: “… More the meat… They were cooking, like fillets grilling… Those were my friends burning right next to me, but my mouth went from dry to wet in an instant. My nose and my stomach, they don’t know horrible from supper. But I do.”

  The men are hungry. They are exhausted. They are sick, and they are scared. What Hickey is doing is pushing men that are already close to the edge, like Collins, over to tumble down to their doom. Two foreign agents have wormed their way into the brains of the crew and lies, rage, hate, murder and cannibalism are not far behind. “Horrible from Supper” sets up the final three episodes perfectly, showing us the true monsters that await these men as they try to escape their fates.

There are only three episodes left of AMC’s The Terror, so there is still time to get caught up before it ends. If you don’t, then you are missing out on what has become the best show on television, one filled with scares, history, gore and monsters of all shapes and sizes. Keep your eyes on Nightmare on Film Street as we continue to recap each episode and give you the latest and greatest horror news available on the web. While you’re at it, join our Facebook group, Horror Fiends of Nightmare on Film Street and let us know what you think!

    The post [Recap] AMC’s THE TERROR Episode 7: “Horrible From Supper” appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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Supernatural: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (& 5 They Rejected)

Supernatural is complicated. Family, friends, monsters, hunting, life, and death ⁠— none of it is simple. The Winchester brothers are often faced with impossible odds, but despite all, they overcome it just in time to be hit with another obstacle. Yet they handle things in such a way that keeps us latched on, because we feel for them and their story so deeply that we just have to know how it works out. One of those things we kept a high interest in was the Winchester brothers' and friends' relationships. Some we loved, some not so much. Here are 5 relationships we supported ⁠— and 5 we totally rejected.

10 Rejected: Dean & Anna

Really, who bought into this relationship? Anna (Julie McNiven) starts out as a young woman requiring protection from angels and demons ⁠— Dean's specialty. Turns out, Anna's an angel herself. You'd think that would throw Dean off, considering he seems to have a self-imposed policy against dating anyone supernatural, but instead the two spend a night together. They shared something of a connection, but we knew it wouldn't last, and honestly, we weren't completely into their relationship. What really drew the line was when she went back in time to kill Dean's parents so Sam could never be born...yeah, definitely not girlfriend of the year.

9 Supported: Sam & Jessica

Literally from the very first episode, we could see how happy Sam and Jessica (Adrianne Palicki) were together. Though she only lived for one episode, we were rooting for her and Sam to have their normal life while Dean returned to hunting. Throughout much of the first season, we sympathized with Sam as he grieved for Jessica and blamed himself for not warning her sooner. Jessica may have been the best relationship Sam ever had, and it was over too soon. We still grieve with him.

RELATED: 10 Things From Supernatural That Haven't Aged Well

8 Rejected: Sam & Amelia

Amelia (Liane Balaban) seems nice enough. A young woman looking for a new start following an unexpected tragedy in her life. She meets Sam shortly after he loses Dean to Purgatory. Perhaps we were wondering why Sam wasn't more occupied with finding and retrieving Dean than pursuing what we knew would be a doomed relationship with Amelia. The writers must have agreed, because Amelia's thought-to-be-dead husband comes back and Sam leaves, deciding to remove himself from the picture to give them another chance. We all know Sam ends up back with Dean, but he spends a few episodes in Season 8 contemplating what could have been with Amelia. We're sorry Sam went through another failed relationship, but Amelia just wasn't "the one" for him.

7 Supported: Sam & Sarah

Sarah (Taylor Cole) is the first love interest Sam has following Jessica's death. Sarah helps Sam and Dean destroy a cursed painting, daring to risk her own life in the process. She was brave, and certainly understanding of Sam's situation. It seemed she was just what Sam needed following his tragic loss, but alas, Sam wasn't quite ready for another relationship and as always, he had to leave town to continue hunting with Dean. We saw Sarah again in Season 8 briefly, learning she moved on and happily married someone else, but she is tragically killed by Crowley (Mark Sheppard) in a revenge plot against the boys. Poor Sam doesn't have much luck with the ladies, especially when it pertains to keeping them alive.

RELATED: Supernatural: 5 Best Friendships (& 5 Worst)

6 Rejected: Mary & Ketch

We weren't thrilled when Mary (Samantha Smith) went to join the British Men of Letters behind her sons' backs in the first place. Taking up a relationship with the then-unlikable Ketch (David Hadyn-Jones) wasn't one of her greatest hits, either. Her relationship with Ketch came across as something closer to betrayal. Ketch even encouraged her to forget about Sam and Dean. Mary kills him, but thanks to a spell of Rowena's (Ruth Connell), he is resurrected in time to redeem himself by helping the Winchesters in the apocalypse world. We may like Ketch a little more now, but that doesn't mean we'll ever support his past relationship with Mary.

5 Supported: Dean & Castiel

Okay, this is more of a shipped-by-the-fans relationship. It hasn't actually been carried out onscreen. Fans have been shipping them two for years now; they even have a coupledom name, "Destiel." According to fans, Destiel's is more of a between-the-lines kind of relationship. Whatever it may be, their relationship is wholeheartedly supported in the world of fanfiction. Meanwhile, onscreen, Dean and Castiel (Misha Collins) are merely a human and angel that were initially enemies but became best friends over the years.

RELATED: Supernatural: Every Character Who Died (& Never Came Back)

4 Rejected: Dean & The Darkness

Dean struggled with his feelings for The Darkness, aka Amara (Emily Swallow), God's sister, following her appearance beginning in Season 11. She had a soft spot for him given that he released her (unintentionally). But we had a hard time buying the whole thing. Really, Amara was vengeful and spiteful. She committed plenty of terrible acts simply to get God's attention. What could Dean ever see in that? Plus, again, she's a supernatural being, and one of the most powerful at that. If anything, that would go against Dean's dating agenda. Although, she did give Dean his mother back before leaving with God, so she may not be all bad. But we still don't like her and Dean as a couple.

3 Supported: Rowena & Gabriel

In a memorable Season 13 episode, Rowena and Gabriel (Richard Speight, Jr.) share a moment of witty banter when they are left alone while helping Sam and Dean. Hilariously, Sam, Dean and Castiel later walk in on Rowena and Gabriel sharing a very heated moment in the library. Fans seemed to support this; we were surprised and amused by their sudden relationship. It makes sense if you truly consider it; they're both beings of the supernatural variety and they've both had their share of alternating between being good and bad. They have lots in common, and we think they'd make an adorable couple. However, Gabriel was killed in apocalypse world before anything could really happen between them. Sigh.

RELATED: Supernatural: 10 Biggest Twists, Ranked

2 Rejected: Sam & Ruby

Ruby (Genevieve Padalecki) is a master liar and manipulator. She uses others to get what she wants without remorse. Her relationship with Sam was founded on lies. Truly evil lies, since we know her intention was to use Sam to free Lilith (which she did, but the boys killed her shortly afterwards). Ruby got Sam addicted to demon blood and turned him into something of a monster, and Sam went through Hell to detox from its effects. While Jessica is Sam's best relationship, Ruby is without a doubt Sam's worst. We weren't sorry when the Winchesters killed her.

1 Supported: Jo & Dean

Fans lobbied for them to happen from the get-go. The two have a flirty relationship that exuded utmost potential. Yet at least according to both Jo (Alona Tal) and Dean, it was never the right time for them to get together. That, or they simply just kept dodging the other's affections. The two had a lot in common between their hunter fathers and their interests in hunting; fans were dying to see how it would go. We were as heartbroken as Dean when he had to leave the wounded Jo in Season 5 to die in a fiery explosion with her mother to get rid of a pack of hellhounds.

We did get to see Jo one more time in a Season 7 episode when she appeared as a ghost, which offered a tender moment between her and Dean before she was nearly forced to kill him. Sometimes love just isn't meant to be, but that doesn't mean we're not still hoping for Jo to come back in the final season for one last moment with Dean.

NEXT: Best Urban Legends Of Supernatural

source https://screenrant.com/supernatural-5-relationships-fans-behind-5-rejected/