The thing is. The THING IS. I have not had to think about having an abortion for a very long time. But I did have to think about it quite long and hard indeed when I was raped when I was sixteen, and that just imprinted itself onto me. The whole experience, the whole relationship, just lives within me and bends me around itself like gravity. I have not had to think about it, but I do think about it. About how I would have found a way to do it then, how I would find a way to do it still. I think about all the people who need one. The people who want one. The literal children, both of birthing age and just being born, whose lives this will mangle. The adults whose lives this will mangle. I think about how there have always been abortions, there has just not always been people who survived them. I think about these laws in conjunction with the attacks on gay youth. On trans rights. On ongoing systemic racism. About the way the meat of our bodies, the control they can find to inflict on our bodies, is more important to them than our minds, our art, our lives, our love. We are preemptively a tally of the dead and whoever can claim the most wins. I suppose.

I think about it. I will never stop thinking about it. And the wire around my neck gets just a little bit tighter each time I do.

“Maybe one of my best races that I’ve ever done. At least that I remember. It was awesome and... one of the races that I would say I’m the most proud of, given the adversity that we experienced during the weekend and I think this just proves that you should never ever give up.”

Lewis Hamilton after the BRAZILIAN GP 2021

Gave myself psychic damage making plot points, so there's that.

Honestly, every single time the whole 'poppy playtime is a bendy rip-off' stuff ever shows up I find it all extremely unconvincing and silly.

For one thing, rip-off usually is meant to imply that it's a cheap lazy copy of a better more polished thing, and uh. Sorry but even from chapter 1? Poppy Playtime is a better game than Bendy, it has a simple but understandable story, the game manages to be thrilling, creepy, and very intense at times... I mean that Huggy chase in the vents ALONE puts it way above Batim for me.

I mean BATDR had the most slow stupid chase I've ever seen [and every other encounter with the ink demon is text telling u he's there and then a timer goes down and u get jumpscared] and batim's chases were either silly or just not nearly as theatric or terrifying as that.

When making the vent sequence I mean not only is it absolutely horrifying to realize how fast Huggy is in there but also it's so theatric and cool? The fact that you round a corner after thinking you escaped only to see a terrifying animation of that thing crawling toward you is awesome! I wish Bendy had stuff like that!

And all the stuff it shares with Bendy are generic things Bendy ripped from other horror games/media anyways. I'm not saying Poppy Playtime isn't inspired by Bendy I for sure think it is but Bendy is such a generic story that somehow fails to do tropes 100 other horror games have done any comparison only makes Poppy Playtime look better.

"It has employees being sacrificed for their company" That is not a concept Bendy invented, literally look at any of the sci-fi horror series Bendy is very inspired by. This is literally a twist in the original Alien.

"It has a scary woman forcing you to do tasks for her" Once again, not a concept Bendy invented, a scary mysterious person forcing you to do fetch-quests is a concept found in tons of horror media. And at least Poppy Playtime gave you a chase with her and let you defeat her, look at poor malice. She's barely on screen for more than 10 minutes before she gets stabbed.

"It has a cult worshipping the monster" This is something tons of horror games and media have done too. I mean In The Tall Grass has a guy who worships a giant magical rock in the middle of a grass maze, Bioshock [which Bendy has only been taking more and more direct inspiration from while failing to grab any of the compelling parts] also had a lot of themes of religion and cult-ish behavior, almost every horror media franchise has at one point done a cult thing.

Bendy couldn't even come up with a reason Sammy worships the ink demon, the best motivation we've ever gotten is just that 'he's crazzyyyy the ink made him insaneeee'. Who is the cheap rip-off here?

At least Poppy Playtime gave their cultist a motive for worshipping the monster + a proper boss fight that feels intense and looks awesome! Bendy didn't even let you kill Malice [she got stabbed in front of you and then just collapsed on the floor how thrilling] meanwhile you get to kill three of the villains in Poppy Playtime and the gameplay and action in those scenes have only gotten better as the game went on.

I mean Sammy walks into a room and goes "AAA SCARY I'M BEING MURDERED" then later shows up and for NO REASON sees a normal human man and assumes it's the ink demon before once again someone else kills him for you. In Poppy Playtime you defeat Catnap as he floods the world with this horrible nightmare-inducing gas that intensifies the color palette and his design. Fight off versions of him that are illusions that you need your flare gun for, then watch in a wonderful animation as he mistakes the monster for his savior before getting killed by it, in a brutal way I might add, which game are we accusing of being cheap, lazy garbage again?

I just find this argument to be people who Really Really need to find a reason to hate Poppy Playtime which I think is silly. The devs being weird, shady people is already enough reason to dislike the game, you don't need to invent reasons why secretly every part of the game is malicious or bad. But esp when I see Bendy fans saying they don't support Poppy Playtime or dislike it bc of its devs or even saying its cringe ummmm.

I have bad news about the fact Bendy's devs are worse and it took not one, but TWO over an hour long videos to cover it all. Plus the Bendy games are just the worse games in every aspect, if I could sell my batim copy for a copy of Poppy Playtime I wouldn't hesitate at all.

Saying this as a bendy fan, we have no right to be super judgy towards Poppy Playtime. If Poppy Playtime is embarrassing cringe, Bendy is too and is way more embarrassing of an interest. We shouldn't spread misinformation just because we all want to hate Poppy Playtime, you can dislike Poppy Playtime without making up a bunch of nonsense to justify it.

Honestly seeing people just blatantly be unfairly mean to Poppy Playtime only makes its critics look worse and makes it hard to take any backlash to the games seriously. Because surprise surprise if you spread misinformation to make a point people will quickly stop listening to Anything you have to say bc they won't trust you're telling the truth anymore.

Well, this is gonna be my last time talking about what happened with Wilbur and I want to put it to rest here.

With it now being 100% confirmed to be him and with his dog shit apology I want to make it EXTRA clear that I despise that man and do not support him whatsoever.

I may still interact with characters he's made IN THE PAST (aka bursonas and c!wilbur) but I will not be talking about anything he could make in the future.

This has been a massive smear upon a large portion of my life, my inspirations, my interests. As many could be traced back to that overgrown weed disguised in human skin.

But I'm going to take something away from all this. I WILL be better than him, I will be everything he despises and be proud of it.

Ultimately, it's ok if this situation hurt to deal with and if you struggle to remember anything he's had his hands on.

But please, remember you aren't him. Those memories and experiences you had, despite being tainted now, you can still look back and smile. There's no shame in that.

But it's also important to remember him for what he really is, an abuser, simply put.

You can still move on in your life, you can still look back with happiness, and you can still hate what he truly is. All these can and should coexist.

As for me, I'm doing better about all of this. It still hurts, believe me. But I'm not going to sit down and wallow.

I'll consider this the time to take a bow and prepare for my future, I'll be more real to myself than ever.

It's time to keep going forward, at least for me.

this book is acruakly soooo disappointing

Why can't the churches with choirs and pipe organs and stained glass windows have a bit more theological rigor??

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍

truly just SUCH a typical tumblr experience but like.

Familiar Tumblr Name makes a post that's like: 'you know how fast fashion perpetuates itself by selling us clothing that gets dingy and grody really fast, so we have to replace it yearly?'

me: uh, no, actually—historically i've found that the few fast fashion pieces i acquired long outstayed their welcome, and were perfectly wearable long after i was heartily sick of them! but go on, i guess

FTN: 'let me tell you about this traditional domestic wisdom (implied: that's been lost because of, uh, capitalism) that will fix this problem (that you, too, definitely have) for you!'

me, googling: okay so this residue that FTN said was somehow a Fast Fashion thing is apparently generally caused by like. fabric softener and/or hard water. using discount detergents that skimp on active ingredients. using too much detergent so it doesn't wash out. letting your bedding go too long between washes. letting your washer go too long between cleans. etc. anyway. lots of specific factors here, many of which may in fact not apply to you in particular!

but like. why get specific when instead we could assert You Know This Problem, Right? This Lost Traditional Wisdom Will Definitely Help You Personally!!

hello, everyone. its been a while.

im really sorry that i kinda dropped off the map with no notice and YES i've seen the sweet msgs dropped by anons and moots and its really sweet to know that people ive never even met think abt me and care for me. will be responding to moots privately shortly - anons, just THANK YOU SO MUCH it means the world to me that you care sm. if you ever drop off of anon, i'd love to be friends :)

ANYWAYS, the reason(s) i sorta disappeared: just some family issues! my family is going through some problems with some certain family members going through a really hard time, falling into frail health, you get the gist. it hasn't been exactly lovely, but we're working things out rn and hopefully it'll get better soon. i kinda got caught up in everything and sorta forgot about my little community ive grown here. my apologies for that.

um sorry for this lowkey rly dramatic and overly lengthy msg but i didnt rly know what to say now that ive dropped off the globe with no signal of being alive, and i feel safe enough in this community (yes, the wonderful tumblr anime SIMPS u heard me right ugs (and me tbh) R SIMPS. community.) that i dont feel the need to just hide away my problems and just say smth like, "oh i got locked outta my tumblr account!" or smth idek. i trust ugs! love these ppl ive never even met <3 (more than some of my irls, even. some of them dont know that anything happened LOLL)

MOVING ON, i'll try to be active, but no promises! i cant say fs that any real work will be put out for a little while, but the biggest lump of the issues is over, and im in a better mental space now, so i can probs do some things? idk. at the very least, ill be doing some interactions and rambles and more abusing of my "jisu talks!" tag. i love all of you, have a wonderful morning/day/night! <3

yeah that was in fact a panic attack but i somehow made it home in one piece

Had to put my cat down today and I have so many mixed feelings. On one hand she had a long healthy life and it was only in the end she got sick so I had seventeen beautiful years with her, but at the same time I feel like I took it all for granted because it really felt like she was never gonna go, never gonna leave me yet here we are. I put so much of my will to live on her and taking care of her and loving her and now? I don’t know..

.

me reading through acheron's voice lines just looks like

So now that the musical is coming out, I'm so excited but also nervous