🥱...

↣ school blues

↳ a/n: here it is anon! i hope you don’t mind i altered the request a little bit. this was seriously one of my favorite requests to write so far so i genuinely hope you like it just as much as i do! 

↳ requested? yes

↳ genre: fluffyyy + hint of humour 

↳ send me a request here! 

↳ word count: 1.6k

↳ summary: haruto x female reader (best friends) highschool au where you both are oblivious to each other’s feelings until a friend points it out. 

「 7:00 AM 」 You jolted awake hearing the annoying sound of the alarm clock. You couldn’t believe it, summer was officially over and it was time to go back to school. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Sure, you hated waking up really early in the mornings, and sometimes even skipping breakfast just so you could have those extra 10 minutes of sleep. But you realized it was all worth it when you got to see him. Watanabe Haruto your best friend for nearly 6 years. Was today finally the day you would tell him how you feel? No, you couldn’t. You didn’t want to destroy any possibility of ruining your friendship. He was everything you could ever want in a best friend, loyal, funny, always looking out for you. 

Could you really risk it? 

You sighed looking at your alarm clock when you realized you were staring at your ceiling for nearly 5 minutes. You reluctantly got out of bed getting ready to start your day. Once you showered, brushed your hair and teeth you decided to put on subtle makeup. I wonder if he’ll notice. Once you finished your morning routine you quickly gave yourself a once over in the mirror before leaving walking to Haruto’s house. 

You had to admit, even though school was back in session you couldn’t deny how autumn was one of your favorite seasons. The crispiness in the air, how the leaves felt under your feet walking. It wasn’t too hot or too cold, it was perfect.

Finally reaching Haruto’s house you gently knocked on the door when his mother answered. 

“Oh! [name] don’t you look nice” she said smiling warmly at you. “Haruto should be down any moment, I almost had to drop a bucket of water on him this morning because he didn’t want to wake up” she blurted laughing. Joining in with her laughter you couldn’t help but think of being in that same situation when you woke up. 

When he finally came down the stairs you couldn’t help but stare at him. You were in shock on just how much he changed over the summer growing in at least 6 inches in height, nearly towering over you. His black hair was the perfect length resting against his forehead. His skin a milky white with no flaws what so ever. His lips which were not to big and not too small. The healthiest shade of pink. He was perfect.

“Earth to [name]! C’mon we’re gonna be late” he chuckled waving his hand in front of your face. You blinked losing your train of thought. 

“Oh r-right” you mumbled

He grabbed your hand without a second thought pulling you out the front door as you faintly heard his mother shouting “Have a great day!” 

You finally made it to school when you both saw your mutual friend Park Jeongwoo who you met through Haruto.

He was just as handsome with his tanned skin and charming smile but he was always like a brother to you. 

“It’s about time you two made it, class nearly starts in 15 minutes”  said Jeongwoo.

“We would’ve been here earlier but [name] was day dreaming again” Haruto smirked

You nudged him with your elbow “I was not!” you nearly shouted. He raised his hands up in defeat “Sure... whatever you say” he replied sarcastically pushing your buttons. You were about to retort with a snide comment back when Jeongwoo interrupted you both.

“I swear you two are like an old married couple” you glared while Haruto simply shrugged his shoulders. 

You then heard the warning bell letting you know that you had to be in your first class in 5 minutes. You quickly said your goodbyes to Haruto since you and Jeongwoo had your first class together. 

Once Haruto was out of sight and ear shot you pinched Jeongwoo “Ah-Hey! What was that for?” he grumbled rubbing the spot where you pinched.

“Why would you say that in front of him?” you hissed. Realizing what you meant Jeongwoo replied “[name..] it’s been nearly 6 years you have to tell him how you feel before someone else’s does” he reasoned.

You sighed looking down at the ground “I just can’t okay? I don’t want to ruin what we have”. 

His eyes soften at you, he was in a tough spot. You and Haruto were his best friends, you two just needed that little nudge. He smirked at himself when he realized what he needed to do. 

You panicked when you heard the bell, you were officially late to class now. You quickly grabbed Jeongwoo sleeve and made a run for it. 

「 11:30 AM 」 Your morning classes were one big blur, but you smiled when you heard the bell ring indicating that it was lunch time. You quickly went to your locker to exchange your books for your next classes before heading to lunch. Doing it early so that you didn’t have to run straight after eating. Opening your locker your eyes nearly missed the piece of paper that fell out onto the ground. You were confused but picked it up anyway opening it. 

「 Dear, [name] meet me by the courtyard after school by 4:00 there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. 」  

Could it be? Was it really Haruto? There’s no way, did he know your feelings? But how did he find out? your mind was going a mile a minute until (speak of the devil) you heard Haruto interrupting your thoughts. 

“[Name!!] this is the second time today I’ve had to bring you back to reality. Do I need to take you to the nurse?” he teased 

You quickly crumpled the piece of paper in your locker before closing it shut. You rolled your eyes playfully “No, I’m just thinking about what I want for lunch” you replied.

He smirked “Me too, I’m starving let’s go. Jeongwoo already got us a table”. 

What was suppose to be an easy going lunch with your two best friends your mind could only think of the note you received in your locker. Your body becoming extremely anxious. You were hungry before but now food was the last thing on your mind. 

Haruto definitely took notice because once lunch was over he handed you a ziploc bag of fruit saying “You didn’t eat anything the whole lunch period. Are you sure your okay [name]?” he asked genuinely worried about you.    

You gave him a faint smile “I promise I’m okay, it’s just first day jitters” you lied. 

Haruto didn’t believe you in the slightest but he knew whatever it was you would tell him when you were ready. He gently moved a strand of hair that had gotten loose during the hectic day behind your ear before replying “If you say so [name] just promise me you’ll eat some fruit in your next class okay?” he pleaded 

You looked up at him and smiled brightly “Of course”

“Good, c’mon I’ll walk you to your next class”. 

「 4:00 PM 」 You couldn’t believe it you made it through the end of the first day back to school. You wanted to jump in excitement but it also meant you were finally going to face your secret admirer. What if it wasn’t even Haruto? That would’ve been the worst case scenario. Should you even go? No, enough was enough. You decided to face your feelings if it was Haruto or not.  

You waited until most of the students cleared out for the day before heading to the courtyard. You sat by a nearby bench waiting  apprehensively. Your heart started to race, your palms were starting to become sweaty and that’s when you heard him.

“[name?]” you turned your head and saw him. It was Haruto. You smiled “So it was you?” you wondered.

He looked at you confusedly “What do you mean? I got a letter saying that a girl liked me but I thought it was joke” 

Your then felt your heart sank, but none of it made sense. You got the same letter but the context was entirely different. 

You got up and walked towards him, it was now or never. No backing out now. 

“Haruto... I do like you, hell, I love you. Ever since we met I knew you were the one for me. You’re my best friend, my partner in crime. You’re who I think of the minute I wake up and my last thought before I go to bed. I-I..” you rambled 

He smirked grabbing your hand pulling you close, your mind couldn’t even comprehend when he leaned down and crashed his lips onto yours. It was everything you thought your first kiss would be. Sweet, passionate, comfortable. Usually first kisses were horrible and awkward but with Haruto everything felt right. He brought his free hand up to your neck deepening the kiss. 

When you finally broke apart you looked up at him. 

“I’ve always loved you too [name]... I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I didn’t think you felt the same way” he revealed.

Hearing those words your body finally felt relaxed you softly laughed at him. He smiled in return.

He was about to give you another kiss until you both heard the sound of clapping coming from the trees.

You both whipped your head and saw none other than Jeongwoo walking towards you and Haruto. That’s when you realized it, hitting you like a bolt of lightning it was Jeongwoo. 

“IT WAS YOU?!” you screamed at Jeongwoo 

He laughed and responded “Of course it was me [name] you both are so oblivious. Aren’t you glad I gave you both the push you needed?”

You only glared at him while Haruto playfully shoved Jeongwoo. 

Next thing you knew all three of you started to laugh, Haruto pulling you in close once more.

You couldn’t believe how from one school day you got everything you had always hoped for. Looking at both your best friends you thought to yourself. 

This was going to be your best year yet.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* © sunwoo-hoo 2 0 2 1  ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I’M YOURS

Pairing: Y/N, Jaehyun, Doyoung

Genre: Series | Smut | Angst | Fluff | College AU

Warnings: language, angsty, smutty scenario, love triangle

Words: 7.3k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

warning!!! this part gets really smutty

***

But did you want to break up with Jaehyun for him? You sure liked spending time with Doyoung, as it was something you did the most in your life, you liked Doyoung a lot as a human, and this sudden feeing you had in your heart made you confused. It made you even more confused because Doyoung wasn’t against it, he just hopped on the same train you were on and played along. Did he like back? Or did he do it because he didn’t want to upset you? If he liked you all this time why did he not tell you about it?

You were sitting in your room thinking. Thinking of all possibilities being possible. You tried to cut your own self from this world to figure everything out. You really needed to figure everything out with Jaehyun. Was he still considering your make up or was he just waiting for you two get distant to the extent where your relationship won’t even need to be questioned. You knew for sure now you liked Jaehyun, he really did have a place in your heart. When he started ignoring you you realised you miss his touch, and you hate not being able to talk to him. At the end of the day, you too were friends before you began dating. But was Jaehyun the one you truly loved or were you just longing because this is all you were used to do?

Doyoung on the other side, was he just another one to long after? Were you just build to ruin friendships? Was it some sort of gods plan? Of course, if it wasn’t for Jaehyun you wouldn’t ileven question these things, but now you felt like you were in a constant circle that was meant to break, because you didn’t have that many friends. Was it going to be the same way with Johnny? Would you stop liking Doyoung all of a sudden? Would you begin liking someone else if you’ll begin dating Doyoung and it will go downhill in less than a month? You had no one to ask and you had no way to see the future. Doyoung made you excited and curious. He knew you way too well to not use it in his favour. You didn’t know if he actually did it because he loved you, but you wanted to believe it because Doyoung was a human with a pure heart that wouldn’t do something sick-headed. You knew he wouldn’t want to ruin your friendship, he wouldn’t want to ruin you because he ... loved you? At least in a friendly way, you knew that for sure. Was it always friendly? When he ran to you even when he was busy with more important things than help you pick an outfit to impress you crush from high school...? When he failed his test because he was helping you with yours...? When he left a girl to help your dumb ass...? Was he just genuinely this kind? Or did he always love you?

Now your heart bursted. Now you couldn’t breath properly. Now you wanted to cry and run to Doyoung to get everything out of him but you knew for sure he won’t tell you a thing. He’d keep you curious until you decide and you knew that. But would he keep you curious for a lifetime? ‘He kept you curious for the past 20 years. Do you think he won’t be able to do it for 20 years more?’ Being with your best friend was scaring you even more because breaking up would cause you lose two dearest people in your life at the same time.

You were startled hearing your phone ring. Hope deep down inside of your heart was hoping it was Jaehyun. He’d tell you he wants to see you and you would be okay again. You’d stop whatever was going on with Doyoung before it would get way too weird to ruin everything. Doyoung would stop to pursue anything as soon as he hears you say your back with Jae, you knew that for sure. But then you were hoping at the same time it was Doyoung who would tell you something to make you totally his.

You were scared to turn your phone screen up to see callers name. Your heart dropped in disappointment when you saw Johnny’s name.

“Yeah?”  you picked up, clearing your voice.

“Hi, how are you?”

“I’m good, what’s up?”

“Want to hang our?”

“At the park?”

“Yup, I’ve spent entire day studying, I need company for a walk.” he chuckled and  you mumbled yes. “Cool, see you in 30?”

“Okay, see you John.”

You hung up, quickly getting ready. Not even taking 10 minutes to put the comfiest clothes you could, you walked to slowly to the park. Even with you being early, you already noticed Johnny waiting for you.

“You’re early.” he chuckled, expanding his hands to give you a hug.

“You’re even earlier.” you giggled in his shoulder while hugging.

“Yeah, I called you when I was already going out, but then I thought of you.” you gave him a smile, inviting to go in the park.

“I envy you.”

“Why?”

“You were studying for the whole day.” you chuckled.

“It’a an emergency situation, I’m getting a D this semester if I’m not finishing my project.” he laughed in pain.

“Oh” you said with your lips only «I could’ve helped.”

“It’s okay. What were you up to today?”

“Not much, was sitting on my bed, then you called.” you looked at him through your hair.

“Watching Netflix?”

“I wish...I was just thinking... about life, you know.” you laughed and caught Johnny’s eyes. He chuckled with you and both of you went silent, walking.

“You know... we’re not really besties, and I know you have Doyoung for all the serious conversation, but you can tell me as well... if you really want to... I can keep your secrets if you’ll ask me to.” Johnny said with sincerity in his voice and you believed him. There was a conversation you can’t have with Doyoung, so telling Johnny would do. Not giving too much detail would be just fine to not get him too involved just in case.

“Okay...I read a book...”

‘Lame.” your inner voice exclaimed.

“Okay...?” Johnny answered for you to continue.

“It was from boy’s perspective, but I was so confused with his decision. I won’t tell you what it ended with, because I want to know what you’re thinking, but...” you paused and Johnny didn’t say anything. “Anyway, the guy, he had a girlfriend, that he liked, but then there was a friend that he had, and the friend let him know she likes him, and he suddenly felt like he likes her too? But it was made clear he wasn’t sure and he didn’t know if he just was excited for something new or did he like her for real? Was he too scared to break up because he was scared to ruin everything or because he didn’t like in the back of his mind? I was thinking what would I do, and I don’t know...i was so impressed by this book I keep on thinking about it. What would you do?” you noticed Johnny walking slower and you stopped.

“I would do what my heart tells me.”

“You know that’s a lame answer.” you laughed

“I know but that would be right.”

“But he didn’t understand what his heart is telling him.”

“Then pick your friend, if you’re doubting the one you’re dating.” you shoot your eyes to his “I mean, then I’d pick my friend if I was doubting. What the character did?”

“Uh...?” you asked being soaked in Johnny’s words about his pick.

“What did the guy in the book pick?”

“Oh...he just... I don’t know actually...it was an open ending, but I guess he picked the friend...?” you said dozing off a little in your thoughts.

“Good...” Johnny replied.

 

***

Doyoung didn’t push, didn’t act different, he’d be exactly the same and you hated it so much. He acted like he never held your hand, like he never kissed your neck or didn’t ask you to choose. He was just being his usual self and it felt as if you were hallucinating.

Jaehyun didn’t get any better. He didn’t want to talk, when you tried to ask him how is he doing, he just ran off somewhere else.

“Do you want to go with me?” your heart fluttered when you heard Doyoungs voice above your ear. You didn’t want to turn to face him to not get your faces way too close and not to make it way too difficult for you to move away.

“Where to?” you asked silently, leaning a little on him. Doyoung’s hand landed on your waist and to be fair you were ready to go anywhere.

“My place.” he sighed into your ear “My bedroom, being more specific.” he squeezed your waist, sounding as seducing as he could ever be.

“Why?” you finally turned your face to see him. Your heart was in your throat waiting for whatever he would say. Doyoung looked at your lips licking his, and you were ready to force kiss him right in the middle of the university hall.

“Today’s the party day. I want to look good for the girl we’ve been mentioning a lot recently....” he teased and you wanted to stand further but he was holding you close to him with his hand. “Her name’s Jisoo, by the way.”

“Cool. I’m busy anyway.” you tried to shake his hand off but he didn’t let you go.

“You’re not, and you’re coming with me. And to that party too.” he let go of you, pushing you to go with him.

“No.”

“I know what you were hoping we’ll do in my bedroom.” He smirked making your head dizzy.

“What?”

“You know what.” he raised his eyebrow “And with Jisoo, there’s nothing to be jealous of, I’m your friend forever.” he smiled cutely “I know Jaehyun is coming, we have to make you up with your boyfriend. You’ll both drink and finally will be able to talk.” he said making you walk, pulling you by your hand.

Now walking with him you noticed how he got back to his normal self, not trying to pull anything, just being your friend. This contrast was intriguing, but the other side of Doyoung was even more intriguing. Was he teasing you again and made up Jisoo or was he seriously going to try with her tonight again?

When you got to his bedroom you just laid on his bed, doing your best not to stare at his back every time he’d turn around.

“Who said Jaehyun is coming?”

“He said, with his mouth.”

“I didn’t hear that.”

“Probably because you don’t hang out with us much?”

“Oh...”

“Johnny too.”

“What Johnny too?”

“Don’t hang out with us much.” he turned to look you in the eyes and you raised your brow in question. “You two are together?”

“Jealous?” you smirked.

“Not me, but Jaehyun.”

“Did he say something?”

“No, but I guess he’s imagining things.”

“Fuck...I don’t even hang out with him that much.”

“But you do...?”

“Yes I do, he’s my friend.”

“Okay...” Doyoung sighed, turning back to his wardrobe. “Anyway, what you think of this?”

“Nah.” you shook your head. He was wearing a turtle neck with an unbuttoned button down jumper. He looked sexy in black, and you knew he knew that, but you didn’t want him to be at the party not with you  and be sexy.

“Why? Black’s always cool.”

“You look like you’re going to a wedding and you’re 35.” you stood up, getting closer to him. “It’s a college party, if you forgot, people will be waisted and people will probably look like shit.”

“Jisoo would like this.” he said looking at himself in the mirror.

“No, she won’t. Only if she’s 35 as well.” ‘She shouldn’t like you at all’ was all you were thinking. You stood in front of Doyoung and he turned to you. “Take this off.” you commanded, pulling the material off his shoulders, making him stay in the turtle-neck only. He was standing still, so you had to take it off all by yourself like he was a mannequin. Getting to his wrists, you purposely touched his fingers, being slower when you got his hands out of the clothing, but he didn’t give you any reaction, so you threw the jumper onto his chest, turning to face his wardrobe. “Can’t you wear something more cool?”

“Like what?” he stepped closer to your back, and you felt how close he was with your shoulder blades.

“Like a shirt, and a sweatshirt? Loose pants and sneakers. You’d fit in more.” you said going through his clothes.

“What if I want to stand out?”

“What for?”

“For you to not lose me in the crowd.” Doyoung did that again, he intertwined your fingers with his out of the blue. He just held onto both of your arms and you wanted to stay like this, stay like this forever and not let go of him.

“I won’t.” you said breathlessly.

“How come?” he asked lowering his head. You closed your eyes in anticipation, getting a kiss on your collar bone.

“I always keep an eye on you.”

“Why?”

“You’re my baby best friend.” you sighed opening your eyes, he stared at you through the mirror, letting go of your hands.

“I’m not wearing a shirt. I want to stay in this.” he said aggressively, walking to sit on his bed.

You looked through his wardrobe once again, getting a jeans jacket out.

“At least wear this on, you won’t look way too old.” you threw the jacket at him. “I have to go.”

“Come on.” he moaned disappointed.

“Don’t be selfish, I have to get ready too!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll see you at the party, or I can pick you up?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Why?”

“Maybe Jaehyun will pick me up.”

“That’s...really...self-confident.”

“You know nothing about our relationship.” you defended.

“That’s what you call not talking to each other for a month?”

“Fuck off.” you said annoyed, leaving Doyoung’s room and then house.

***

You never got brave enough to ask Jaehyun if he’d want to pick you up. He felt unreachable to you and you were upset with the idea of being scared to even text him. Arriving to the party on your own, you weren’t in the best mood, but missing out on Doyoung with Jisoo wasn’t something you wanted to do.

Walking through all these people you weren’t sure where your friends are or if anyone was already there. You began getting your phone out of your bag, when you heard Yuta call your name, grabbing your hand.

“Hi!” he said smiling widely.

“Oh, hi. I was about to call you.”

“And I found you.” he laughed.

“Where is everyone?” you bit onto your lip.

“Let’s go.” he took you by your hand, leading through the crowd. You’ve noticed your friends at the kitchen, not seeing Jaehyun and Taeyong only. You smiled at everyone, keeping your eyes a little longer on Doyoung, who wore what you told him to wear and was just staring at you. Johnny went to you, giving you a hug. He laid his hand on your back, inviting you to grab a drink.

Not noticing how, but you were already on your third vodka with cranberry juice, leaning on the wall by yourself. You weren’t able to get your eyes off Doyoung who was with Jisoo right across from you. His hands were on her waist, and your heart skipped a beat every time it looked to you as if he was about kiss her. They switched their position now, and all you could see is Doyoungs fingers on her and Jisoo’s back, and she was moving her head as if they were kissing. You were dying to know if they were actually kissing. Why would he kiss anyone if he likes you? Why would he ask you to pick if he likes someone else?

Did he kiss her on purpose? Your drunken state didn’t help you either, making all of your thoughts even worse. Would it make you look a little too much like a psycho bitch if you ran to them, throwing everything you had in your cup on her, taking Doyoung away from her? Would that be a little too much? Why was he, if he was, kissing her, but not letting you kiss him? All you could see before your eyes is his lips, and you downed your drink in one go trying to get rid of the picture.

“Hi baby.” your head quickly shoot to your side, noticing Jaehyun.

“Hi.” you were barely able to talk out of shock. He came a little closer, standing in front of you. He locked his eyes with yours, and you could tell he was probably even more drunk than you were.

“I miss you so much.” he sighed “Can I hug you?” you felt warmth at his innocent question, and you nodded yes, not being able to resist. Jaehyun expanded his arms, snaking them on your waist. Your hands automatically hugged him by his neck, and he pulled you closer, hiding his nose in the crook of your neck. Jaehyun was so warm and safe, you closed your eyes, breathing out for the first time since you arrived.

“Do you still like me?” he pulled back a little, looking into your eyes. You stared into them, nodding, and he pulled you in again, squeezing you with all his might.

Jaehyun’s head moved, and you felt his hot lips on your neck, and your stomach flipped upside down. He kissed a trail up to your ear, whispering in it.

“This month was a torture. I’ve never wanted to have you in my arms as much as I want now.” he sighed again, planting a kiss at the base of your jaw. Your hands moved onto his scalp, running fingers through Jaehyun’s hair. “May I kiss you?” he looked in your eyes again, barely keeping them open from the pleasure your fingers were giving him. You didn’t answer, pulling his head closer with your arms, and he didn’t take a second, locking your lips with his, pushing you into the wall. He kissed you sweetly, not like he wanted to fuck you, but like he wanted to be with you. His hand landed on your cheek, keeping your head in place. Jaehyun deepened the kiss, stroking your cheek, and now it felt more passionate. His hand on your waist was drawing circles and the feelings he was giving you made your head dizzy. Jaehyun’s low growl made you realise how much you missed him, and you broke off the kiss, hugging his waist and laying your head on his chest. His arms hugged your back, forming a safety cocoon for you. His hands stroked your hair, while you were just listening to his heartbeat.

“Let’s go to my place. I want to hug you all night long.” he said softly and you nodded yes, feeling way too vulnerable and weak. Jaehyun made you feel soft and needed, letting you just chill and breathe by being his usual caring self. “Good.”  

He let go of you, taking your hand in his. You walked right behind him to the exit, when you felt someone’s fingers on yours, and you knew they were Doyoung’s. You turned around, seeing his confused eyes. Stopping, you made Jaehyun stop as well, causing Doyoung to talk quietly and lean to you.

“Where are you going?”

“With Jaehyun.”

“I can see you’re with Jaehyun, where are you going?”

“Why do you care?” you moved your head back a little to see his eyes, and he furiously squeezed your fingers while staring.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t. Glad you two are back together.” he just dropped your hand, leaving immediately.

“Doyoung, wait.” but he didn’t hear you, getting lost in the crowd.

“What did he want?” Jaehyun back-hugged you, talking into your ear. You could feel alcohol in his breath.

“I didn’t understand.”

“I’m sure he’ll work everything out by himself. Let’s go?” his hands turned you in place to face him, forcing you to look away from the path Doyoung took.

“Yeah... let’s go.”

Leaving the house you’ve noticed Jaehyun was more drunk than you thought. He wanted to drive to his place, but you forced him to take a taxi, spending 10 minutes to talk him out of driving. You quickly got to his place and even in this short car drive you felt Jaehyun being distant, or maybe he was just drunk and not able to interact with you in any way. Entering his apartment, he barely gave you time to take your shoes off, pulling you with him to his bedroom. When he got to his bed, he made you fall onto the mattress, crawling on top of you. Your heart stopped beating, waiting for his next moves. You weren’t sure you wanted to have sex with him now, in the state you were in, especially in the psychological state you were in. Adding up to the fact you two were completely drunk and at the verge of breaking up, you didn’t think anything other than hugging would do you two good, but Jaehyun being above you now made you realize he didn’t think the same way.

When his face was above yours, he fell on top of you, making your hands automatically hug him. He was breathing heavily and you assumed he was not feeling well from all the alcohol he consumed.

Suddenly Jaehyun got strength in his arms back, lifting his body a little. He licked his lips, biting onto his lower lip, making his cute dimples visible. Your hands moved to his neck, massaging his ear.

“What are you thinking?” you asked, smiling at him.

���You wouldn’t want to know.” he slightly closed his eyes, looking even cuter.

“I would.” you gave him a smile, caressing his cheek.

“Okay.” he said softly, licking his lips once again, before covering your mouth with his. The kiss was different from the one you had at the party. It was demanding, he was trying to show you something you couldn’t understand, but it wasn’t blinded will or something senseless. You didn’t get his message, so you just kissed him back passionately with a small sense of apology. You were thinking again how Jaehyun didn’t deserve any of this, and how terribly weak you were to not tell him anything, literally anything, and keep on using him like this. But you weren’t able to actually think straight with all the vodka in your system, and when Jaehyun pressed his lower part to yours, showing that he wants you, you lost every thought in your head. You moaned into his mouth unwillingly when he grinded into you, and you didn’t think it was inappropriate anymore to have sex with him. Thinking of Doyoung all of a sudden, you remembered how he kissed Jisoo at the party and imagined how he probably already had sex with her in one of the rooms of the house the party was in, or if he was trying to put more effort into her, she was probably laying on his bed now, crying out his name. This made you really furious and jealous, and you pulled Jaehyun’s face closer, trying to push back these thoughts with his tongue in your throat. Jaehyun turned onto his back, pulling you to him, making you sit on his lap. He pulled himself a little higher, leaning onto the headboard. Freeing himself of the shirt he was wearing, he pulled you closer to him, holding your neck to rule you. Your hands landed on his chest, and you drew circles on his warm skin. You moved your hips to meet Jaehyun’s, and he moved his hands to your butt, squeezing tightly. His hand grabbed your hair, pulling your face closer to his, making his tongue go deeper in your mouth. Letting go of your butt, his palm slapped you, and you bit his lip accidentally. He never slapped you before and you were genuinely not expecting anything like that from him.

“I’m sorry.” you whispered, liking a small droplet of blood from his lip, but he pulled away with his hand in your hair, staring.

“It’s okay, baby.” you heard his soft tone for the first time since you got to his place, and it made you feel a little bit better about everything that was happening in his room right now. He made you lean to him, caressing your hair, and left pecks on your lips.

“Can we cuddle just for a while?” you asked softly in hope for Jaehyun to understand you’re not too eager for sex.

“You turn me on and then want to cuddle?” he laughed sarcastically “I need you.” he sighed into your mouth. His hand found yours, leading it to his zipper. His hand on top of yours made your palm slide up and down, grabbing onto him afterwards. You understood what he wanted you to do, squeezing his member in your hand through thick material. Jaehyun was turned on and you could feel that, kissing him once again. You felt under your touch how Jaehyun was barely fitting into his jeans now, making you moan into his mouth, grinding your hips for more friction. “Please go down.” his hand moved to your shoulder, pushing you lower. This felt even more weird now, not once have he ever forced you to do something for him. You shoot your eyes open, noticing Jaehyun had his closed. His face had a chilled expression, and you wouldn’t think he was actually making you do it, if it wasn’t for the hand on your shoulder, that pressing onto you strongly. You were coming up with better words to reject him. “Please, baby.” he opened his eyes, staring at you. Even though the tone of his voice was sweet, loving and caring, his eyes didn’t look too friendly. They were demanding, they were needy and a little crazy.

“You told me you wanted to hug me all night long.” You left a small kiss in the corner of his mouth.

‘And now he’s forcing you to blow him. This was obvious, did you actually think you’ll hug? You’re even more dumb than I’ve imagined…’ you heard in your head.

“Change of plans, I can’t help it.” he chuckled and pushed again, making you lean back and furrow your brows.

“You’re acting weird, I don’t like the atmosphere.” you sat on his waist and his hands fell onto your knees, stroking gently. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes.

“Come here baby.” he said quietly opening his eyes with his usual expression. You doubted, not moving your body at all. “Don’t be scared, I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. Come here.” He said softly expanding his hands to you. You gave in, falling on his bare chest, snaking your hands around his neck. His hands were slowly caressing your back, and you were appreciating the strength he had in him to just lay with you while he was obviously turned on. You closed your eyes, breathing in Jaehyun’s aura.

“Y/N, I’m sorry I tried to force you. It’s just…I didn’t get to touch you for a month…and…”

“You chose to do it this way yourself.” you mumbled into his neck.

“I know…but…I really like you, and it’s driving me crazy…how much I want you…” you opened your mouth to talk, but he added quickly “not just physically…but right now definitely more physically…” he sighed “if you really don’t want to sleep with me just tell me…I’m sorry I thought I’m aloud to force you for one second…and yeah…give me like 10 minutes and I’ll be ready…” he added laughing at his own joke. You were listening to him with your face tucked into his neck and he made you feel at ease, you were glad he wasn’t trying to fuck anything up or continue to force you. It was Jaehyun at the end of the day, he wouldn’t even hurt a fly. “Please say something…” he rubbed your hand, moving under you a little. You felt his dick press into your thigh, reminding you how he felt and you lifted your head, staring into Jaehyun’s eyes. It felt like he got a little soberer, you laid your hand on his cheek, caressing few times. You moved your head closer to his, licking your lips.

“Kiss me.” You said into his lips, and he obeyed, intertwining your lips with his. The kiss was slow-paced and he didn’t try to deepen it, barely even holding you with his arms. You weren’t sure if he was teasing you now or if he was scared to push you away again, so when he was being passive for what felt like forever, you moved his hands onto your waist, and moved your body higher, signaling him to move a little bit too, to lean his back on the headboard more. You were sitting where his zipper was, with his hands barely holding you in place on your waist.

You hugged his neck again, making your bodies even closer to each other, quickening the pace of the kiss. You pulled his lower lip, making a barely noticeable move with your hips towards him, causing him to finally hold your waist properly. Moving your hands to his face, you held onto both of his cheeks, trying to deepen the kiss. He quickly let you do it, opening his mouth. He was still holding back, making you lead the way, but you didn’t like it and didn’t want it, and knew possible ways to make him stop. Your hands moved again, hugging him tightly with one of them, you ran your hand over his bare chest and stomach, beginning to caress his side. Your hips made a few more thrusts and now he was squeezing you under his palms in unclear attempts to either stop you or press you into him harder.

You let go of his lips, leaving a wet trail of kisses on his jaw, going lower to his neck. Jaehyun’s hand moved to your head and you froze a little, trying to see how’ll he act, but his hand just put away hair from your way, and you continued planting kisses on his skin. Getting to his chest, you moved your butt lower, to get the better angle, unconsciously. When he held onto your hair stronger, you realized how you made him feel sliding down. Your hand that was laying on his chest and helping him find balance, got lower, and you slid a little more on his legs. Leaving a wet trail of kisses on his abs, you sat back up, making him let go of you. Your hands were holding onto the waist of his jeans, while your eyes were holding contact with his. Jaehyun’s hand touched your knee, beginning to caress carefully, making you get back to what you were doing. Unzipping his jeans, you tried to pull them down from his waist, and he helped you, lifting his hips from the mattress.

“Come here.” he expanded his hand to you, when you slowed down, staring at him again.

“No, wait.” you said, trying to get yourself together. Did you want to continue whatever was happening between you and Jaehyun? At this very moment you felt like you did, felt like you could work it out, if he’d just be next to you, so you leaned closer to Jaehyun. Your hand snaked under his underwear, and he grabbed your head in his hands, when you cold hand touched his member.

“Please, don’t tease.” he said quietly, and you kissed him. Jaehyun’s fingers were caressing your cheeks, holding on to you tightly, when you swipe your nail over the head of his dick. Making a pumping move with your hand, you made him groan into your mouth. Leaving a peck on his lips, you broke it, moving lower. “What are you doing?” he asked letting go of your head.

You didn’t reply, leaving few more kisses over his torso, before sitting above his knees. Your hand was still slowly pumping his dick, and with one light motion, you freed him of the material. Getting your head in front of him, your hand went up and down again. You felt a lump in your throat, but backing out now was way too embarrassing, so you just distracted yourself from it with the thoughts about his dick being a pretty pink color when erected. This, actually, didn’t really made you feel any less confused, but when you felt like you were taking too long, you opened your mouth, licking the pre-cum drop from his tip. This made Jaehyun gasp and curse, and you felt more confident with your decision now, because he didn’t force you, you did it on your own. Holding him at the base, you drew a line with your tongue from the tip to the base. Jaehyun’s hand landed on your head again, but he just brushed the hair from your face, lifting your head by your chin.

“Baby, I beg you, if you want to do it, don’t tease.” he said softly and you nodded, opening your mouth to take him in. Locking your lips around him, you bobbed your head up and down, seeing with your peripheral vision Jaehyun throwing his head back. You made more of these moves, getting in a rhythm. Twisting your hand a little at the base, every time you took him in, made Jaehyun go crazy under you, and both of his hands got your hair in some sort of pony tail, curling it on one of his fists. His other hand put the hair that still was on your way behind your ear, rubbing your burning cheek couple of times and laying on the mattress afterwards. You felt out of breath, so you moved back a little, pumping him with you hand in a quicker pace. You lifted your eyes, noticing Jaehyun stare at you with all the concentration he was able to give you at this moment. With the pumps your hand continued doing, your lips left few kisses at the tip of his dick, staring into his eyes. Jaehyun held onto your hair tighter when you got your tongue out and licked him multiple times. “Just go back to what you were doing, this is going to drive me crazy.” he said and you listened to him, taking Jaehyun in with your mouth again, guiding your lips with your hand, that was pressing tighter on him at his base. You were doing it much slower than before, staring at Jaehyun all the time, but he didn’t really look back at you, squeezing his eyes in pleasure. “You really want to do it the other way.” he sighed pressing on your head next time you got lower. This was unexpected and not really comfortable, he did it before, but only when he told you he’d do it or if he was about to cum, but it didn’t feel this way now, and you choked on air because you didn’t expect it. You knew your choking only brought him more pleasure, so you continued doing what you were doing, quickening a little, to not make him do it again but the next time you got lower he pressed again, even harder than before, not letting you move back for longer period of time. “I’m sorry” he mumbled out of breath but didn’t let go. You didn’t have the chance to tell him to stop, because his hand was blocking your way to get his dick out of your mouth. “Endure it, for me, please…” his hand got in complete control of you, and this didn’t feel nice anymore at all. “I know you can do it…” your hand wasn’t doing much now, because you were just trying to not die under his pressure. Tears were forming in the corners of your eyes, while Jaehyun was using your mouth to ease himself. His free hand laid on top of yours, reminding you that he needs you to move it. Not really being able to breath, or see anything, you continued doing what he wanted you to do with your hand. He didn’t press hard all the time, letting you do it normally for the most part.

At one point you felt him twitch in your mouth, letting you know what’s going to happen next. There was no way you actually wanted him to cum in your mouth, maybe at least not in the way he did it. When he was close to his peak, his hand just pulled you down low, and you felt him in your throat for real. The only thing you did was trying to push him away, but he didn’t move even for a millimeter, making tears from your eyes flood everything around. You felt how warm liquid hit your throat, not only making you choke but cough as well, and he finally let go of you, and you moved back, not being able to look up out of embarrassment. You didn’t know if it was him, or you, or both, but you felt disgusted. It’s not the first time you did a blow job, it’s not the first time he came into your mouth or made you choke, but everything tonight made you disgusted. He left you a mess with saliva, tears and his sperm all over your face. His hand landed on your cheek forcing you to look up. He moved you closer by your face, and you tried to wipe your face, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

Jaehyun’s hands caressed your cheeks, drying tears from under your eyes with his thumb.

“Your face is burning.” he said softly “I’m sorry, I made you uncomfortable.” His eyes were running all over your face.

“I’m fine.” You said tiredly, actually beginning to feel exhausted.

“No, you’re not. I’ll do anything, just tell me.”

“You promised me hugs.” your eyes closed under his gentle touch.

Jaehyun let go of your face, making you lay on the bed next to him. You felt a bit better now laying on the sheets, just glad to have your mouth closed. His hand landed on your cheek again, and you felt his lips on yours, giving you tiny pecks. When your breath was back to normal you opened your eyes, noticing Jaehyun just staring at you.

“Quit staring.” you whispered, trying to block with your hand his view. His palm caught yours, pulling it closer to his mouth, leaving small kisses on the back of it. You turned your hand so you could caress his cheek, and he shoot his eyes to you, smiling quietly.

Jaehyun’s smile, it was Jaehyun’s smile that turned everything upside down for you again. It took one second for him to smile childishly after you laid your hand on his cheek and rubbed it, and it took one second for your stomach to do a flip and pull his face closer.

“I love you.” you whispered into his lips.

“I love you.” you wrinkled your face cutely, rubbing your nose on his. “I’m glad your feelings towards me didn’t change.” he pecked the corner of your lips.

“My feelings towards you are only stronger every day I wake up.” you smiled, stroking his neck. You pulled him closer to you, laying on your back now. Jaehyun was leaning over you and you pulled him closer again. “Make love to me” you whispered quickly before kissing him lightly. Jaehyun didn’t waste no time, kissing your lips few more times, before sitting up. His hands rubbed your legs, sliding down your pants with the underwear. He stared at your center hungrily, before getting back to your face, kissing your lips lovingly. His hand touched you there, sliding his hand up and down, making you hold onto his neck tightly. Jaehyun didn’t take long, inserting a finger inside of you, to make you ready to take him. His lips were kissing your neck, while you were just choking on air when Jaehyun inserted another finger. “Baby, kiss me.” you barely said and Jaehyun lifted his head from your neck, locking your tongues. He was trying to kiss as deep as possible, but didn’t make it in any way rushed or forceful. He changed 180 and you were just happy to get the normal Jaehyun back. You pulled his face away, trying to talk. “I need you.”

“I don’t think you’re ready.” he tried to kiss you again.

“I’m telling you.”

“I don’t have lube.” he kissed your jaw.

“Jaehyun.”

He pulled back, getting a condom out of the drawer. While he was putting on you took the rest of your clothes off, staring at Jaehyun. When he got back, you kissed once again, and even though it was the same as before, you suddenly felt like he didn’t really put any love in it. You didn’t have time to think about it because he broke off the kiss, rubbing your clitoris with his fingers once again. Jaehyun’s dick was ready to enter you, and you switched your position getting a bit lower under him, spreading your legs wider. He tried to enter you slowly, but you pulled his body to yours, and he just slid in, making you moan. Your hands snaked over Jaehyun’s back and neck, intertwining your bodies. You wrapped your legs around his torso, while he was moving his hips slowly to meet yours. He felt good, this felt good, the pace he chose and the way he was doing it felt loving. He was thrusting in a pleasuring rhythm, wiping away every negative feeling you had before.

You were kissing, and hugging, and then moaning into each other’s ears. This was truly loved you made, and you believed in it. Jaehyun left no doubt in you, you knew you loved each other. He whispered every nice word into your ear there is. Jaehyun told you so many times he loved you and he missed you, it was playing in your head on repeat.

His hips thrusted quicker when the both of you were closer to your peaks, causing you to moan loudly his name.

“Say this once again.” he whispered out of breath.

“Jaehyun.”

“Good. Do you love me?”

“Of course, I do, baby. I told you so many times.” Jaehyn’s hand rubbed you, taking you to another level of pleasure. You began to unconsciously clench around him, making him moan in reply.

“No, name, say my name.”

“I love you, Jaehyun, please make me cum, Jaehyun.” You moaned in his ear, and he lifted his head a little, to kiss you and thrust in you once more, before you felt how pleasure washed over your body.

You felt so tired you didn’t even move after both of you came. Jaehyun though, found it in him to get up throw away the condom, falling back next to you. He pulled your body closer, making you lay in his embrace, having nothing in between of you. You felt tired, but you felt happy and satisfied. Before falling asleep, you thought how nothing could break you off with Jaehyun, you were so sure of it, your head went dizzy when you suddenly remembered your best friend.

‘Fuck, Doyoung.’

_____

please let me know what you think

I didn’t prove read this, sorry

next chapter is the last one!!!

I feel Taehyung is going to get invoved in the whole time travel thing with seokjin as he is the closest to knowing what is happening and also his dreams. What do u think?

Note: the following refers to fictional characters and events in BTS Universe.

Interesting idea! While I do think it’s in the realm of possibility that TaeHyung will be the first, or one of the first, to figure out what is happening with the loops, I personally don’t think it’s as likely that he will directly assist SeokJin’s time traveling. This is, in part, because I’m not sure if the “gift” of remembering the previous loops can extend to anyone else (beyond the dreams and fragments haunting TaeHyung and a few of the others), but also mostly because I don’t believe that SeokJin will openly allow for his help.

From the beginning, SeokJin has guarded his secret carefully. The Save Me webtoon presents SeokJin’s (many) early attempts at saving his friends. He tries to fix everything himself and fails when events keep spiraling out of his control, sparking his friends’ suspicions along the way. By the time loop(s) presented in The Notes 1, SeokJin has determined that he must guide his friends to save each other, essentially manipulating them from the shadows whenever possible. When he learns of TaeHyung’s nightmares that contain visions of previous failed loops, he does not take the opportunity to explain himself.

“Several days ago, he came to me and asked me about the dream he’d been having. ‘You know what it means, right?’ He pressed me for an answer, but I acted like I didn’t know. I said, ‘How could I know? It was just a dream.’ TaeHyung got upset and turned away. It wasn’t completely a lie. I didn’t know why TaeHyung had been having such a dream. But I did know how brutal it was. That’s why I couldn’t tell him the truth.’ — SeokJin, 22 May Year 22. The Notes 1.

SeokJin intends to confess something that night at the seaside cabin, but TaeHyung interrupts to demand if he’s talking about ratting them out to the principal and causing YoonGi’s expulsion. It’s unclear if this is the high school event SeokJin meant to confess, though he does acknowledge it as true. But when TaeHyung continues pressing him to reveal what else he is hiding, he refuses to yield any more information and a fight ultimately breaks out between them. (For more on that moment, see my latest post Rift.)

That is only one version of May 22. In an earlier variation, we know that TaeHyung jumps from the observatory platform into the sea before they make it to the cabin. Thanks to the choose-your-own adventure style Notes 2 excerpts posted on the official Smeraldo Books Twitter account from late July to early August, we now also know that there is another version in which TaeHyung follows SeokJin up the observatory. The wind on the tower seems strangely familiar to TaeHyung, and he almost tears up at the sight of SeokJin’s cold face. Per the audience’s popular vote, he decides to ask if SeokJin is helping them.

“‘I know you’re helping us. I don’t know how. I can’t explain it.’ I went on and on about awful things that nearly happened to us and how mysterious coincidences took place right before those horrible events to prevent them from happening. SeokJin pushed me away and said, ‘I don’t need anyone’s help, and I don’t help anyone.’” — TaeHyung, 22 May Year 22. The Notes 2 (SB excerpts: #3A, posted Aug. 2020).

I don’t want to dive into too many more details about SeokJin’s development because I’m tentatively planning a post for after I’ve read The Notes 2, but I’ll add briefly that it’s become apparent in the more recent album-released Notes (and now these Notes 2 previews) that these countless failures and repetitions are taking a toll on him. SeokJin’s motivations seem to have gradually twisted from saving his friends to self-preservation, particularly due to new knowledge of an accident that apparently has happened—will happen—on September 30. To me, this does not sound like a SeokJin willing to accept anyone’s help to reach his goal.

“I could only think of one thing: stopping the accident on September 30 and ending the loop. I was only moving toward that goal. Even if there was a problem with that process, or if someone was hurt or alienated, I couldn’t do anything about it. If I let myself linger on or be overwhelmed by those things, I would never achieve my goal. Even more important than saving everyone was that I myself was able to survive and escape. That was the lesson that the endlessly repeating loop had taught me.” — SeokJin, 11 April Year 22. The Notes: 7. Translation cr. @origamifirefly tw.

To wrap up, let’s consider TaeHyung's perspective. He is plagued by nightmares and visions of violence enacted onto others and by himself. He may have the best intentions for finding the answers to this mystery, but like SeokJin faces his own share of setbacks. His failures often drive members of their friend group apart (for example: they all go their separate ways after he fights SeokJin on May 22). And like the others, he participates in the lack of communication that harms them all.

But there is hope. Thanks to another entry from MotS:7, we do learn that TaeHyung and NamJoon have finally reunited by midsummer, as they have spent several weeks as of July 18 searching for something or some place in Songju based on signs from TaeHyung’s dreams. Since it came from one of his dreams, it is likely that they’re investigating something connected to the time traveling—whether they suspect that is what’s happening yet or not. I’m excited that these two found their way back to each other, but I’ll leave you with one last thought: they will never break free of the loop until they are all working together. Particularly in the case of TaeHyung’s search, another friend may have already had the answer. Because this is not the first time we’ve heard of a clover symbol like he saw in his dream:

“‘Did you find it?’ I drew closer to JiMin and asked. ‘Find what?’ JiMin sounded confused. ‘Your house.’ JiMin nodded. ‘I grew up in the orphanage right there.’ I pointed to a place beyond the railroad. ‘Do you see the supermarket in the direction of the river from the gas station where NamJoon works? Do you see the clover-shaped neon sign behind it? The orphanage is to the left of that neon sign. I lived there for more than ten years.’” — HoSeok, 16 May Year 22. The Notes 1.

Thank you again for submitting your question! This was fun to think about, and I hope it inspired some new ideas for you all too! If anyone has any additional questions, either about this topic or some other aspect of the BU, please send them in!

I just need you

Concept: basically just Ruel needing a lil extra love because some days we just need a bit more love and reassurance, like we all have our days yk. As usual dm me and whatnot with request ideas for someone and I’ll be happy to comply! (Sorry if it’s really fucking long, I can’t help it lmao) I hope you enjoy :)

I let out a laugh as I read through the texts Ruel is sending me about his studio session since he is literally sending an update every 5-10 minutes. It’s a little confusing though since he never sends this many texts, which is saying a lot because we are always texting each other. He’s also only been gone for about an hour now considering he left at 7 am and it’s barely reaching 8.

As I’m heading into the kitchen of our apartment I feel my phone start to vibrate in my back pocket, I instantly pull it out to see who’s calling, only to be left confused because it’s Ruel, and he usually isn’t allowed to make any phone calls to me during studio time since I’m a “distraction”, but I just brush the concerned thoughts away, knowing he’s probably just really bored with the studio session today and was able to get a break.

“Hello? You forget something here bub?” I say as soon as I answer the call, knowing there has to be a reason Nate let him make a call to me, and also because Ruel always leaves something important here. I hear silence for a couple of moments before he finally speaks up through the phone.

“No, I just uhm needed to hear you that’s all. What’re you up to?” He mumbles with a weird underlying tone that I just can’t point out, maybe there’s something that’s actually off with him because the way he’s been acting today isn’t typical Ruel behavior.

“Ruel you just saw me like an hour ago when you woke me up to lock the door and whatnot, are you okay?” I hesitantly ask him since I know he struggles with talking about how he feels on the spot, especially in front of other people, whomst I know are sitting in the studio listening in. I also don’t want to push him and make him uncomfortable if I’m actually just looking into things too much.

“Yeah I’m all good, just recording like usual. I’ll try to come home early today, not feeling the studio session today I guess.” He says, it throws me off because lord knows that this boy is in love with music, even when the sessions can become a little tedious for him, but today was supposed to be the day he actually gets to record and be one step closer to releasing something for his fans, which I swore he was excited about a couple days ago.

“Of course baby, just take care of everything you need to, and I’ll be right here waiting for you when you get back, okay?” I tell him trying to reassure his nerves and to hopefully help him get out of the little mood he’s seemed to have got himself in, he’s probably just anxious about whether the fans will like the track or not.

“Okay, I have to go now so I can record some more. I-I love you” he mutters through the receiver with a little hitch in his voice causing me to tense up at the sound of his uneasy breathing, making me more concerned than I was seconds ago.

“I love you too, you’re gonna kill it today, and I can’t wait to hear all about it when you get back. See you soon bubs, alright?” I say putting as much reassurance into my words as I can. He replies back to me and we sign off the call, leaving me perpelxed because something was obviously wrong but I couldn’t tell if it was nerves or just him being tired.

I decide to go and clean our room and get it all prepared for the movie day I have planned in hopes of helping him relax and calm down from whatever it is that is bothering him or stressing him out. I’ve got a whole pile of junk food, specifically bags of Cheetos, and then a stack of marvel movies, with all the Spider-Man movies being a large portion of the stack.

It hits about 11 am when I hear the front door getting unlocked and footsteps entering and going into the kitchen. I walk from our bedroom to the kitchen to see Ruel silently rummaging through the cabinets looking for something.

“Looking for something specific babe?” I ask from behind him, causing him to flinch not expecting me to just show up behind him. He’s back a lot earlier than expected, but I decide to just ignore it and not question him about it incase it stresses him out even more. He gets over his little shock and turns to wrap his arms around me, squeezing me as close to him as possible. I hold him equally as tight, because I missed my bubs, even if it was only a couple hours.

“I missed you today, definitely not fun without you my love” he mumbles into my neck where he’s managed to press his face. I let out a light laugh upon feeling all the kisses he’s placing there and on my collarbone. I lightly push him away from my neck and look into his eyes, only for him to push himself against me again.

“Bubs I wanna look at youuu” I whine playfully while running my hands through his hair, causing him to let out a laugh against my shoulder. He ignores my statement and lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, and carries me into our bedroom. He sets me onto the bed before walking into our closet and changing his clothes for just a pair of sweats.

“I can feel you staring at me babygirl.” He states as I shamelessly watch him, he then turns his head to me and lifts an eyebrow up, I challenge him by staring straight into his eyes before he finally looks away with a chuckle.

“You’re my boyfriend, I have every right to stare at you” I sass him with an eye roll, causing him to laugh at me and flick my forehead once he makes it back over to the bed. He then climbs onto the bed and lays right on top of me, letting out a small sigh as he does so.

I get up to put one of the movies into the DVD player, only for Ruel to grab me and pull me back down into him. He instantly wraps himself around me, caging me into his body so that I can’t get up or leave. I look at him with a questioning look, only for him to look away and avoid my eyes.

“I got us movies, let me get up really fast so I can put one in, and then we can go back to cuddling, okay?” I ask him as I run my hands through his soft hair, he looks up at me with a soft look in his green eyes and nods his head. Before I can get up from the bed, he turns his head and gives me a soft kiss before laying back down without me. I smile at him and run my thumb across his cheek before finally putting the movie on.

I get back onto the bed and let Ruel get himself situated, since he seems to want to be really close to me today. I move so I’m leaning against the headboard, with Ruel resting his head on my chest because his back is against my stomach, or at least part of his back because that boys torso is 2x the length of mine. I bend my knees so that his body is resting between my legs and I’m practically caging him against my body.

“I love you. Like I really fucking love you princess” Ruel mumbles while grabbing my hand from playing with his hair to press a kiss to my palm. I move our hands and rest them against his chest as he leans farther back into my body.

“I know, I love you just as much” I whisper pressing a kiss to the side of his head, to which he responds by turning his body and just laying directly on top of me. He turns his head a bit and nuzzles it into my chest, leaving soft little kisses every now and then, whilst completely ignoring the movie, even though it’s one of his favorites. I notice that while he’s laying here and I’m running my fingers through his hair, his grip on me seems to be pretty tight and unmoving. Not enough to be uncomfortable or hurt, but enough to wear he’s making sure I can’t move away from him.

He gets up mumbling something about needing a bottle of water and pauses the movie, the surprisingly turns around and lifts me off the bed, carrying me to the kitchen with him to get his water.

“Uhm what’re you doing babe?” I question him as I cling onto him, since there was literally no need to bring me when it takes 30 seconds to get a water bottle and be back in the room.

“Getting water?” He questions back acting like he doesn’t know what I really mean. I give him a deadpanned look only for him to just look away and start to walk back to the room after retrieving the water bottle.

He lays us back on the bed but sets me down and then moves to lay in front of me, giving me the signal that he wants to be the little spoon, rather than the big spoon like he usually is. I wrap my body around him and feel him put his hands over mine that are resting on his abdomen. I turn off the movie when I realize he’s not watching it and instead looking at our hands.

“Is there a reason you’re being so clingy today my love?” I whisper in his ear as I trace little shapes on his stomach. He tenses up at my question and shifts to move away, causing me to grip onto him.

“I’m not trying to be clingy.” He mutters while staring straight ahead to the wall, with a slightly anxious look on his face.

“It’s not a bad thing, I love when you want to be around me like this. I’m also not going to judge you, I’m here for you to talk whenever you need it bubs, I just want to know if you’re okay. Are you okay baby?” I whisper while moving one hand from his stomach to run through his hair. He turns his body pressing his face into my neck while gripping me against him.

“I don’t know, I feel anxious and it hurts and everything is hurting me. I just don’t want it to hurt anymore.” He whispers as I feel tears soak into his shirt that I’m wearing. I lean back and wipe the tears away with my thumbs, feeling sad that my baby is hurting so much and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

“What do you want me to do baby? I’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel better” I tell him while planting a kiss on the tip of his nose, because I know he likes when I do that, something about how it’s just a loving gesture that makes him feel good.

“I just need you.” his voice shakes as he says this, showing that today just really wasn’t a good day for him and his anxiety. Knowing how much it can get to him, I pull him even tighter against me while pressing light kisses to his forehead.

“I’m not going anywhere don’t worry. You have me, all of me” I whisper before giving him a kiss and letting him relax into my arms.

Everybody needs a little extra love sometimes, because some days are just worse than others, and I’ll make sure to give him all the love he needs.

happy birthday my love, you’re 17 now ♡

Parking Garage - Colby Brock x Reader (pregnant)

Today was a normal day.

YouTube videos, a business meeting, Tender Greens, scheduling a photo shoot, playing Minecraft, your boyfriend Colby and his friends going to a dangerous location to summon demons…..

Just a normal Thursday, am I right?

“Why are you calling me, Jake?” you said into the phone, already mentally checking off where your purse, shoes, and keys were. They don’t dick around on their phones when they’re in unsafe locations.

“Y/n, don’t freak out” Jake said. You immediately ran to grab your things. You could hear Jake scolding the boys in the background. ‘Just leave everything here, we can come back for it’.

“Why am I not freaking out, Jake?” you asked, jogging down the stairs to your car. They were at least an hour away, so you headed in their direction straight away.

“I promise you everything is going to be fine.” He said, pulling the phone away from his face to direct Sam. ‘There was a Hospital sign literally 5 minutes before our turn off.’

“Jake! Text me the address. Now!” and you hung up the phone.

Jake had text you the address. About 30 minutes later he had text you that Colby was going to be fine and that he’d be drugged up when you got to the hospital. ‘Just broken bones’ was the only thing you really had to go off of when it came to what you were walking in to. He told you which room and what info you needed. ‘We told the desk that Colby’s fiancé would be here soon’ he had text saying you had a better chance of being let back into his room that way.

“Who are you here to see, miss?” the nurse asked.

“Hi, I’m y/n. I’m here to see my fiancé Colby Brock. He’s in room 412.” You answered, trying to keep a level head. Jake said Colby would be fine. It couldn’t be that bad, right?

“Right this way.” She walked you through the sterile white hallways.

Jake was sitting in a chair outside the room. “Y/n!” he said, running up to you and pulling you into a hug. “It’s not his fault” he quickly spat out.

“What happened?” you asked, letting Jake’s embrace keep you steady. “What do you mean?”

“He’s gonna be fine, y/n. He’s got a few broken bones. It’s mainly his leg, but the doc said he’ll heal just fine.” Jake assured you.

“We weren’t even being unsafe.” Sam cut in. “We stayed on the first story of the building because Colby had checked the stairs and didn’t trust them.”

“There were these kids upstairs.” Jake continued. “They had to have been, what…11 or 12?” he asked Sam.

“If that”, Sam answered. “We didn’t know they were there until one of them screamed bloody murder.”

“Colby couldn’t not help them, y/n.” Jake said. “He worked his way up the stairs and the whole thing collapsed as he got to the top. He barely made it up, but he found the two kids. One of them had walked on part of the floor that was too worn down and they were stuck in the floor-boards.”

“He was yelling to us the whole time, letting us know what was going on. He got the kid calmed down and unstuck and had us go to a little indoor balcony thing so we could help them climb down.” Sam tried to explain. “When Colby worked his way over the ledge, the railing he was holding on to broke. He landed on his right side instead of on his feet and broke his leg. He broke a couple fingers too, but the doctor said those will heal a lot quicker.”

“Are the kids okay?” you asked, letting go of Jake to hug Sam.

“They’re fine. They ran home after helping us get Colby to the car.” He answered, hugging you back.

“He’s drugged up, but you should go see him. The doctor said he had a weird reaction to the morphine.” Jake softly laughed, walking towards Colby’s room. “He’s like, high as balls, y/n.” He grinned at you, trying to take the seriousness out of the moment.

You turned the corner and immediately heard “Baaaabbyyyyyy”.

“How are you feeling?” you asked, dipping down to kiss Colby.

Colby didn’t answer right away. He just stared up at you, his partially bandaged hand touching his own lips where yours had just been. His uninjured hand moved to play with your hair, his fingers grazing your lips. “I’m good”, he smiled that childish, wide, shit eating grin still staring up at you. “You’re beautiful.”

“Thanks, baby.” you laughed. “You’re super stoned right now.”

“Am I in trouble?” Colby’s smile disappeared completely.

“Colby” you lovingly said, pushing his hair away from his face. “You’re not in trouble, you’re a hero. You about gave me a heart attack, but I get it. You couldn’t help it.”

“I’m sorry” he said, kissing the back of your hand.

“Don’t apologize” you smiled, thinking about how amazing your boyfriend was. Yes, he did dangerous stuff…but he had the softest heart.

“I’ve been thinking” Colby mumbled out, looking almost nervous like he had a secret.

“Tell me what you’ve been thinking” you encouraged.

“I want kids.” He said, his big blue eyes staring directly into yours. “We should have some kids.” His smile was so big it looked like his cheeks were going to be sore.

The doctor walked back into the room with the rest of the guys and started talking to Colby. “How are you feeling, young man?”

Colby was able to answer most of his questions, only zoning out a few times. His eyes started to droop by the end of their conversation.

The doctor pulled you out of the room, the guys following. “The side-effects of the morphine should wear off in a few hours. He’s got some sort of sensitivity to it and it took him on quite the ride. The upside is that he definitely didn’t feel a thing when we were setting his leg.” The doc smiled. “He’ll probably stay asleep for quite a while once he goes under.”

You nodded your head, looking around at your friends. “Can I speak to the doctor alone for a second?” you asked. The boys went back into the room with Colby.

“What can I do for you?” He asked, seeing the emotions cross your face.

“I took a home pregnancy test yesterday and it said that I was pregnant” you blurted out. “I don’t know if I can trust it or if I need to take another one or if it’s too early to be sure…”

The older gentleman smiled at you, putting his hand on your shoulder. “Let’s put your mind at ease.” He said, telling you to follow him to the nurse’s station.

“Thank you” you said, wiping the tears from underneath your eyes.

You were told it would be a bit before they would bring you the results. You told them you’d be in Colby’s room.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked when you finally made your way back.

“Yeah” you answered, trying to act normal.

“Is this one of those times we’re supposed to pretend we can’t tell you were just crying or am I allowed to annoy you with love?” Corey asked, pulling you to sit down next to him. Colby was fast asleep.

You couldn’t help but softy laugh. “I’ll tell you in about 30 minutes. Until then, I just want to sit here.”

“I don’t know” Jake said, sitting on your other side and throwing his arm over your shoulders. “30 minutes is a long time” he teased. The room falling silent.

When the nurse peeked in the room to look for you, you waved her in. “Y/n?” she asked.

“That’s me” you said, grabbing the paper she handed you.

“Do you want me to explain the results in private?” she asked, seeing the three boys surround you.

“Guys, remember to stay quiet, please.” You said, making eye contact with each of them. “Please don’t wake Colby up.” You got nods and okays from all three of them. “You can tell me in front of them.” You answered the nurse.

She smiled, looking at the three boys and then back to you. “You’re definitely pregnant.”

Corey’s eyes went wider than you thought possible and he walked straight out of the room knowing he was going to wake Colby up. You could see him pacing back and forth in front of the hospital room door, randomly stopping to stare in at you and then continuing to pace.

Sam looked back and forth between Colby and you about 17 times before you started to see tears falling down his cheeks. He sat down where Corey had been sitting and pulled you into his arms. “I don’t know what to say” he whispered, his arms still tight around you. “You guys are going to be great parents.”

“Thank you” you smiled at him. “You’re going to be a badass uncle.”

Corey walked back in, leaning down to hug you. “I’m trying so hard to stay calm right now” he whispered.

“You’re doing great, Corey” you laughed.

Jake just smiled over at you, his smirk making you curious about what he was thinking. “Is now a bad time to tell you that Colby knows?” The smile on his face getting bigger by the second.

“What?” you and Sam said in unison. “I only took a test last night” you said, wondering what the hell he was talking about.

“I know” Jake smiled, grabbing your hand. “Colby busted through my door at about 3 am, I swear to God, wearing nothing but his boxers, and holding a little purple stick.”

“He didn’t say anything to me” you said, looking over at your sleeping boyfriend. “He must have accidentally found the test.”

“First, he ranted about how Sam wasn’t at his apartment. I had no clue what the fuck was going on. I was just laying in my bed when all of a sudden Colby was pacing in my bedroom.” Jake laughed.

“I was staying with Kat since I knew I’d be out all night tonight.” Sam explained.

“He started talking about needing fresh air and walked out of my apartment.” Jake continued. “I threw pants on and followed him down the hallway. He handed me the pregnancy test and kept walking. I followed him all the way to the parking garage where he started yelling about how he was gonna be a dad. He ran and hugged the old guy that runs the gate to the garage.” Jake laughed. “The guy said ‘That’s great news and all, but maybe you should celebrate with some pants, kid.’”

You couldn’t help but laugh, your eyes watering up at the thought of Colby being excited about this. “Earlier when I first got here, he told me he wanted kids. It seemed so random. I guess I know now he just didn’t want me to be afraid to tell him.”

Quite a few hours later, the doctor came back in and woke Colby up. The swelling had gone down enough that they were going to set an actual cast. “This shouldn’t hurt at all” he said, asking Colby if he still felt loopy because of the morphine.

“No, I don’t feel stoned anymore” he laughed, yawning and reaching out for your hand.

“Any pain?” The doc asked.

“Not really. I feel all tingly.” Colby answered, letting the doctor and the nurse apply layer after layer of casting.

“We’re going to have you stay here for a few hours and then see if you can walk using crutches. If you pass, you get to go home.” The doctor smiled at Colby. “Let me know if you need anything. You too.” He added, looking at you.

“Thank you” you replied, sitting on the side of Colby’s bed.

“I’m sorry, y/n.” he said, not knowing he had already apologized when he was stoned.

“Colby, you have nothing to apologize for. You did the right thing.” You assured him.

“They were so young.” Colby continued. “Hearing that kid scream…I was up those stairs before I even knew what I was doing…” After a moment of staring up at the ceiling in thought, he slipped his arm around you and pulled you a little closer to him. “Y/n, I need to tell you something.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with Dave the sweet elderly parking garage attendant, does it?” you smirked down at him.

“You told?” his head whipped towards Jake.

“Baby” you laughed, your hand turning his face to look back at you. “I had the doctor run an official test to see if I was pregnant and the guys were here when I got the results. Jake only told me about your adorable half naked parking garage adventure afterwards.”

Colby’s face switched from mad to hopeful. “What did the doctor say?”

You leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Colby’s chapped lips. “He said you’re going to be a dad.”

Colby’s eyes watered up a bit. “I’m so fucking excited” he said, his injured hand moving to lay against your stomach. “I’m really gonna be a dad.”

“You’re going to be the best dad.”

A Second Chance

This idea came to me in a dream and I thought, why not post it to tumblr. Really more so I don’t lose the story, having all my work nearly organised in a blog seems like a good idea. If anyone actually reads this-I apologize for all the clichés  .

Wordcount: 2.6k 

Here we go.

A Second Chance

 When you step outside close to midnight for an angsty stroll, you don’t expect the primary source of said angst to appear right in front of you.  

Yet there she is. Carrie Miller is walking down the road, accompanied by Sam Bennett. Towards me. I can already predict this isn’t going to go well. Every time I even attempt to talk to her, I end up stumbling over all my words and sounding like a complete loser. Sam’s presence is only going to make things worse.

“Ash!”

Sam knows my name? Wow. Who knew. I guess it’s too late to hide now. I make my way towards them.

Sam slaps my arm in greeting. I will never truly understand this element of bro-culture. “Didn’t expect to see you again today. How’s it hangin’, man?”

Again? I guess we saw each other at school, but is it really called ‘seeing’ someone if you pass them in the hallway while they keep their head down and avoid eye contact?

Oh, crap, I’m supposed to be replying to him. “I’m alri—“

A thud sounds somewhere. We all turn to stare at the hedge next to us. It seemed to have come from there.

Sam looks at both of us. “I’m not the only one who heard that, am I?”

We shake our heads. He shivers, rather exaggeratedly. “I’m just real spooked tonight. Everything feels creepy. Anyway,” he turns to Carrie, “Do you know Ash here?”

“You sit next to me in Geography, don’t you?”

The amount of joy I get at my crush knowing I exist is testament to how terrible I am at interacting with her on a daily basis.

“Uh, yeah, I do.”

There we go, that wasn’t completely horrible.

She smiles. Maybe she can tell how nervous I am. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

Sam looks between me and Carrie before suddenly lighting up with a huge grin. Oh no. I’m not that obvious, he can’t possibly know, oh god, what’s he gonna do?

“Well, my curfew’s at midnight and my dad would kill me if I was even a second late, sooo… I gotta get going.” He smirks at me. “See ya later, kids.” He gives a friendly wave before heading off. I weakly wave back. I didn’t expect the school jock to be that… nice. Huh.

Carrie has started walking again, back the way I came. I hasten to join her. A loud rustling noise comes from that hedge near us, and we exchange a vaguely concerned glance.

“So, how do you know Sam Bennett?” Make casual conversation, Ash. You can do this.

“I don’t really know him at all, to be honest.” She fiddles with the bracelets on her wrists. “I just ran into him a while ago, and we were going in the same direction so we started walking together. How do you know him? You don’t seem like the type to know Sam.”

I frown. Not the type to know Sam? So she knows I’m a massive loser. Well. Isn’t that nice to hear.

“I actually-“

She cuts me off, talking rapidly. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, that didn’t come out right. It’s not that you’re boring or anything, just,” she lets out an exasperated sigh, shaking her head and chuckling derisively. “You know, Sam is popular and all and, oh god, I’m making this worse for myself. I’m sorry. I’ll just stop talking.”

I can’t help but smile a little.

“I get it, I’m not the most popular guy,” biggest understatement of the year, “You wouldn’t expect me to know the ‘cool kids’.” I do finger quotes around the words.

“No!” She exclaims. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just-“

“Oh, come off it.” I grin, with a burst of confidence. “You totally meant it like that.”

She shoves my arm. “Shut up!”

This must be the best conversation I’ve ever had with her. I might have even actually managed to flirt a little. And, was I dreaming, or did she flirt back?

There’s something magical about this night. Crickets are chirping, the full moon is shining in the sky. The atmosphere is rather romantic. I glance at her. We’ve descended into a companionable silence as we walk. Maybe now is when I can finally tell her how I feel. It feels easier here, at night, with no one around to see me and judge me for all my failures.

“Carrie,” I gently touch her arm. I can do this. “I wanted to tell you something.”

She looks up at me, expectant.

Distantly, a clock starts chiming somewhere. It’s midnight.

“Oh!” Her head snaps away suddenly. “I didn’t realize how late it was!” She looks apologetic. “Tell me tomorrow, in geography, yeah?” And then she’s crossing the street and walking away, before I can really register what happened. She rounds a corner and that’s it. She’s gone.

And I’m alone in the middle of the street.

So much for romantic.

I kick a rock on the ground and watch it roll away. “Good job there, Ash.” I mutter. I turn around and start walking away from my house again. So much for releasing any of that angst, now I’m feeling almost worse than when I started. Why didn’t I stop her there? If only, when she turned, I had said no, stop, wait. I need to say this, now.

“But I didn’t, did I?” I whisper under my breath. “Ash Cornell, failure extraordinaire. Always needs more time. Always needs a second chance.” I look up at the moon and stars. They’re very bright tonight. “I just need a second chance.”

  A wave of nausea hits me. I stumble, halting in my tracks. I feel dizzy. Everything seems to be spinning. My ears are ringing. What’s happening? The world is spinning so fast that the only thing I can really see is the moon above me. The ringing is getting louder. What the hell? I’m losing it. That must be it. I’m completely losing it.

  And then, as suddenly as that burst of dizziness hit, it’s gone, and I’m standing on the same empty street. It seems almost... noisier than it was before though. Maybe the ringing in my ears hasn’t completely faded away. I feel disoriented.

A car comes zooming down the road, and I hastily jump out of the way, stumbling onto the sidewalk.

“Watch it, kid!” the driver yells.

I shake my head, snapping back to reality. Boy, was that a wakeup call. Okay. I had stepped out for a walk, and I intend to finish that walk. I stride briskly down the road, doing my best to just forget what happened so far tonight. It’s alright. Just take a turn around the Center and then head back home. You didn’t meet Carrie at all. That was just a bad dream.

Up ahead is what we call ‘The Center’, basically a mall and a cinema. I actually live quite close to it, which would be useful if I had any social life at all.

I keep my head down as I walk. I don’t want to run into anyone else tonight. One awkward conversation is enough, thank you very much.

Of course the instant I think that, I slam into someone and nearly fall over.

An arm grabs me and pulls me up before I butt-plant into the concrete.

“Whoa, you okay there, dude? Sorry ‘bout that.” Sam Bennett is looking down at me.

“Uh, it’s okay, no worries.” I manage to stammer out.

“Hey, you go to Pioneer High, don’t you?” he asks. “Austin, is it?”

Didn’t he know my name like twenty minutes ago? This is weird.

“Ashton, actually. Or just Ash.”

“Ah, got ya. You going to see the new Dr. Sleep movie, bro?” he pushes his blonde curls off his forehead. “Man, it was terrifying. I was real pissed at my dad for not letting me go to the midnight show with my basketball team, but man,” he chuckles. “It’s probably better they weren’t there with me, I screamed like a girl at some parts.”

I laugh along with him, because it seems like the polite thing to do, but something in his story throws me off.

“Didn’t let you see the midnight show? Isn’t it like, past midnight?”

“Woah, I would hope not!” He pulls out his phone, glances at the screen, and shows it to me. 11:17 pm. “My dad woulda whooped me if it were past midnight, that’s my curfew.”

His phone says it’s 11:17, and there’s no reason for that to be wrong. But… I’m pretty certain I left home around 11:30, and the clock chimed 12 not too long ago, and didn’t Sam say he had to run because it was nearly midnight when I last met him?

My confusion must be showing on my face. Sam lightly slaps my arm to get my attention.

“You seem to have messed up the time there, pal. How could you think it’s past midnight? You’re like an hour off.”

I shrug, still rather puzzled. He laughs again.

“I’d better get going, then. You said you’re headed to see the movie?”

Oh, I just realized I never really answered his question.

“No, just taking a walk.”

“Ah, enjoy your walk, then. That movie fucked me up, I’m almost afraid to walk home in the dark now.” He chuckles, and I join him, again, because it feels polite. He raises an arm in farewell before walking away.

My mind is reeling though. I was thinking it was a little past midnight, but it’s actually a little past 11 pm. And what had Sam said? ‘You’re like an hour off.’

An hour off.

Did I- no, that isn’t possible.

But then… what was that strange nausea I felt earlier? Something isn’t right. It seems preposterous, but it feels like…like I…

Went back in time?

No. No way.

But… maybe?

I turn around. I can still see Sam’s retreating figure.

Well. Only one way to find out.

I follow him.

   Following someone isn’t as exciting or stealthy as I expected it to be. Really, I’m just… trailing after him while maintaining a decent distance so he won’t hear my footsteps. He puts in some earphones, which only makes my job easier. I’ve gotten quite relaxed when Carrie emerges out of an alley between me and Sam.

Naturally my instinctual reaction to seeing her is diving behind a trash can, making it rattle loudly. Sam jumps and turns abruptly. I desperately hope I’m well hidden else this is going to be very embarrassing.

I can hear their voices. They’re talking to each other. I seize the opportunity to risk peeking out from my hiding place. They’re not facing me anymore. I need to be closer to hear them.

I begin to inch forward, pushing the bin in front of me. I briefly pause to reflect on the fact that I am literally crouched behind a trash can, attempting to sneakily spy on a conversation. Well Ash, there’s the exciting stealth you were hoping for.

“…walking with me, if you’re going this way?” I can make out Sam’s voice. “I feel like this night is noisier than usual and I am fucking terrified.”

Carrie laughs. She has a nice laugh. “Sure, no problem. My parents would probably feel better about me being out so late if they know someone walked me home.”

I can hear their footsteps now, getting fainter as they walk away. I wait until I think they’re far enough, before slowly getting up and beginning to follow them again.

Alright, Ash. This is where all those hours of Assassin’s Creed pay off.

I follow them carefully, pressing up against walls as far as possible. I move a little closer so I can vaguely hear them. They seem to be chatting about school.

It’s been a weird enough night. I’m not entirely sure whether or not I actually went back in time though, or if this was just some crazy flight of imagination. I wouldn’t put it past myself. I do do weird things in an attempt to make my life more interesting. Exhibit A, sneaking behind two of my classmates when I could probably just go over and talk to them.

That’s when I see what’s undoubtedly the strangest thing I’ve seen tonight. Scratch that, this is the strangest thing I’ve seen ever.  

It’s me.

Walking towards Carrie and Sam.

I dive behind the elaborate hedge along the front of somebody’s house. Hopefully the homeowners aren’t awake to see the teenaged guy jumping behind their hedge to hide from two other teenagers... and himself.

This move, however, places me almost right next to Carrie, Sam, and… me. We’re just separated by a hedge. God, this is weird. I can hear us quite clearly.

“…not the only one that heard that, am I?” That’s Sam’s voice. Oh, right, the mysterious thud we heard. What the hell, that thud was me, diving behind a hedge? Looks like I definitely time travelled then, somehow. I give up trying to figure out what is actually happening here.

Sam’s speaking again. “I’m just real spooked tonight. Everything feels creepy. Anyway, do you know Ash here?”

Right, he asked that to Carrie.

“You sit next to me in Geography, don’t you?”

“Uh, yeah, I do.”

And there’s me. Wow, I couldn’t possibly sound any more insecure.

I mostly tune out the rest of their conversation and try my best to remain quiet. At one point I lean too heavily on and nearly fall through the hedge. I know how this goes. Sam leaves after saying he has to get home before curfew. Carrie and I make awkward small talk. I attempt to confess how I feel, and fail completely. She walks away. I wish for a second chance.

A second chance.

My eyes widen. That’s what all this is, isn’t it? A second chance.

I can’t hear us very clearly anymore. Carrie and I have walked some distance away. We’re still talking. I peek above the bushes to watch. I can see myself lightly touch Carrie’s arm. This is it. I’m going to attempt to do it.

The clock strikes midnight. Carrie apologizes before turning to leave and crossing the road. I watch carefully as the other me slowly fades away, until there’s no one there.

Now is my moment. You can do this, Ashton Cornell.

I spring up from behind the bushes and rush onto the street.

“Carrie!”

She turns around, looking at me with a puzzled expression. I walk up to her and take her hands in mine. I look at my feet and take a deep breath.

“This can’t really wait till geography class,” I glance at her. She has an encouraging smile on her face. I breathe in again.

“Carrie, I-I like you. I have for a while now.”

I risk a glance at her again. She’s smiling even wider.

“I know.”

“You know?!”

She laughs. “You aren’t the most subtle, Ash.”

Wow. I guess it’s time to go die of embarrassment, then.

She prods my foot with her toe, making me look at her again.

“Don’t you want to ask me something, then?”

Ask her something? What would I want to ask her? I already told her how I feel; the only thing left to ask is-oh. Oh.

I look at her with wide eyes. She nods gently.

“Uhm, Carrie,” I stand up straighter, squeezing her hands. “Would you like to go out with me sometime?”

She reaches up and kisses my cheek. I just stare at her in shock.

“I’d love to.”

I smile widely, and I can’t help but laugh, and then she’s laughing too, and then we’re just a boy and a girl, holding hands and laughing under a full moon.

I look up at the sky, still grinning. The stars seem to wink down at me. I wink back. I don’t really know what happened, but I’ll keep their secret.

Fanfiction Year in Review 2019

@floraone​ tagged me, but I was going to do it anyway! 

1. List of fics completed this year:

A Fight and Make Up (An Untitled UsaMamo Drabble) Superhero Survey (Miraculous Reveal) Last Wishes (Ladybug) Word Vomit (Sailor Moon Reveal) Kiss (Sailor Moon Reveal) The Sol of the System (Sailor Moon)

2. Number of words written:

In the year of 2019, I published 55,755 words in various stories. Not as many as last year, but under my circumstances I’m pretty proud of that number. (My 750words app says I’ve written 108k since May, but that’s not all fic writing. Though like 90% of it is. It’s also mostly not published though). 

3. Your most popular fic this year:

Last Wishes – I have no idea where this story came from. I was in a weird mood and it was haunting me and I had to get it out! And like Nightmares (and no other fic I’ve ever written), it came so easily. Wrote the whole thing in about three sittings. And apparently, it resonated with a lot of people (made a lot of people cry). And I gotta say, this Ladybug fandom is wild in that you can get like 100 kudos in a day! I’m way too addicted to that feeling. But in the Sailor Moon Fandom, my most popular fic this year was A Craving for Chocolate Milkshakes, which makes sense because really that’s the only story I’ve been somewhat consistently updating this year. Besides Last Wishes, everything I’ve published this year have been one-offs. 4. Your personal favorite this year:

I don’t know!! Why do you make me pick from my children?!

I’m insanely proud of the most recent update of Craving for Chocolate Milkshakes and the Fight/Make Up Drabble (maybe I should give it a name). 

Like, I’m so pleased with how these came out. But I also just reread Last Wishes searching for the review that touched me this year, and I’m kinda in awe. It’s just so amazing and powerful. And I’m crying! I’m not sure I believe that I wrote it. 

5. Your favorite scene:

This is an excerpt from Chapter Two of An Open Secret (which isn’t published, BUT I wrote it earlier this week so that’s 2019 right?!), which was supposed to be a one off for the ML Secret Santa Fic Exchange, and it grew into a multi-chapter fic! I just love it when that happens! “I have to tell her how I feel,” Adrien thought out loud. “Do you think she likes me?” 

“Aren’t you tired of letting Ladybug break your heart?” Plagg asked, floating lazily through the air.

“Not ladybug. Marinette!”

Plagg whipped around to hover behind Adrien’s shoulders. Sure enough, Adrien was pouring through Marinette’s Instagram feed, and not his Ladybug album. 

“Marinette? Since when? I thought Marinette was ‘just a friend.’”

“I did too, Plagg! But she’s been so different this week! She’s not nervous, and I think I love her so much.”

“What about Ladybug?”

“I’ll always love Ladybug, but she’s made it clear that she’s interested in someone else.”

Plagg was proud of himself for not laughing. 

“Do you think she likes me?” Adrien asked. 

Plagg rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you have to ask.”

“She doesn’t, does she? I mean, why would she? Why was she always so nervous around me before? Did she hate me?”

“You don’t give me enough cheese for this,” the kwami grumbled. 

6. A fic or scene that challenged you:

The Sol of the System was so hard! I was writing for someone else who seemed to really like Silver Millennium, and I love the Silver Millennium as past life baggage that informs current fears and behaviors, but as its own thing? I never really felt connected to it! And then, I tried to give it a sci-fi twist, which is also not my genre! And even once I had a concept that I thought I could do something with, I had no time to work on it!! Somehow, it magically came together. @tinacentury​ has a lot to do with that. (She’ll say that she didn’t do much, but she’s so wrong!!) So, does my husband for kinda taking the kids for the last day and a half before the deadline so I could just write! 

7. A line of writing you’re proud of:

In general, my use of parentheticals in the Fight Make Up UsaMamo Drabble makes me SO HAPPY! And I’m so sad that hardly anyone read this short!! One line doesn’t really capture the technique though, so here’s six and half paragraphs… (My husband is rolling his eyes so hard right now…) 

...

Mamoru watched her from his usual booth like he had everyday for the last week. He had no right, he knew it, but he couldn’t tear himself away. Usagi was light and he was a moth. She was morphine and he was a drug addict. It physically hurt to be in her presence when he couldn’t even speak to her, but it was somehow better than not seeing her at all.

He stared at the back of her golden head seated in a booth across the Fruit Parlor's dining room. They had progressed far enough into their break up that it was possible for them to inhabit the same room (well, a large restaurant in any case) without either of them bursting into tears or retreating completely.

But today, Usagi was stretching his tolerance. She had come in with a friend (a male friend). Though maybe friend was too strong a word as it was quickly apparent that the boy sitting across from his girlfriend (his ex-girlfriend) was an assigned partner for some school project.

But even if it had been a date with romantic intentions, Mamoru liked to think he could have handled it. He wasn't completely confident he could make that claim, but he wanted to be able to say it was true. Because, more than anything, he just wanted to see Usagi happy.

And if he had to stay away to keep her breathing, he couldn't be the one to do that. It would have been hard, but he would have forced himself to bare it, just as he had forced himself to break up with her (the best thing that had ever happened in his miserable life) so that she would be safe.

But that wasn't the situation. They were supposed to be working on the project, but the boy was too familiar with her. His head kept invading her work space, he slid closer to her so that their sides were touching, and he accidentally touched her too often to be coincidence. 

And again, it would have been fine (who was he kidding; he would have been a jealous mess) if Usagi welcomed the boy's advances. 8.  A comment that touched you:

I received this comment on my Last Wishes Fic. And spent two days and asked for lots of advice in how to respond. Then when I finally did, this person told me that this story helped them talk about how they were feeling about their loss with their family. Like guys, this isn’t why I started writing fic, but OMG it definitely keeps me going.

On a lighter note, I also kinda love it whenever one of my Sailor Moon followers comments on a Ladybug fic that I’ve written. Like to me, it’s the biggest compliment that they like my writing enough, that they’re willing to cross over to a different fandom for a bit. @beej88​ even crossed fandoms and genres for me. And whenever I’m sad about not getting reviews from my giftee, @floraone​ pops in with an essay and I feel like it doesn’t matter if my giftee never responds at all. (She may have done this twice without knowing how good her timing was… and for the record ONE of my giftees totally responded with gushing praise, so… I just gotta be more patient!)

And I especially appreciate @tinacentury​ for all the behind the scenes comments and encouragement and then also taking the time to comment on stories after the fact as well!!

9. Something that inspired your writing this year:

So, first off, my friends here have been so encouraging.

The Miraculous Ladybug Community – I’ve delved into a new fandom (blame my sister!). And man, I really like the dynamic of being in an insanely active fandom where the source material isn’t finished yet. It’s like working in a living breathing thing, and that’s so cool. Also, I get so many comments/kudos even being a pretty unknown author there and I’m very addicted to this validation. (Though I made a rec list!! I was so excited!! Thank you @alexseanchai​!!). It also makes me feel like a traitor to my Sailor Moon roots though…

750words.com – this is a little app that just made writing feel easy. It made writing a habit, and took off the pressure of getting it perfect! I feel like it’s taught me to write a lot faster and worry about perfecting it later.  This little app is what gave me the structure to keep writing when my life has been insane!

10. Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc)

I participated in two fic exchanges this year! I’ve never done this before. And I kinda love the experience of writing for what you think someone else would like. It forced me to write in a different headspace and write to a deadline, which apparently, I’m very capable of doing. And it definitely pushed me into writing things that are different than I normally write.

Also, that I wrote and published anything at all inbetween taking care of a medically fragile four-year-old and an infant who was born in March and going back to work this past September. (Writing has only become more important to me. It’s how I recharge and deal with stress, so I’m clearly not going to stop).

11. Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

So many!! Probably too many! (Like always!) - I really want to finish Chocolate Milkshakes and An Open Secret in like the next 30 days! (I promise nothing!) - I really want to dive back into Coming of Age and Invisible Wounds. Like I’m SO excited about where these stories are going! - I want to polish up like four Miraculous Reveals that are each like 80% finished, so I can get some momentum going on this series. - I want to go to the library every week for two hours for writing to maybe have a chance of reaching some of these goals.

And I will tag @tinacentury​, @overworkedunderwhelmed​, @beej88​, @mikauzoran​, @cassraven​, @laadychat​, @bubbleblower​ as an invitation to participate if you want to! Not a requirement! :) You can totally do it if you’re not tagged too! 

FTLOAP: Chapter 43: I Don’t Wanne Close My Eyes

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net  -  AO3 -

Discord-server for discussions and questions

Part 1: Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11;

Part 2: Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27: Chapter 28 ; Chapter 29 ; Chapter 30; Chapter 31; Chapter 32; Interlude 3; Bonus 1; Chapter 33

Part 3: Chapter 34; Chapter 35; Chapter 36; Interlude 4; Chapter 37; Chapter 38; Chapter 39; Chapter 40; Interlude 5; Chapter 41; Chapter 42

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: Hey everybody. Once again sorry that there was no update last week. As announced on Tumblr, neither I nor athingofvikings had the time and energy to get it done in time. By now, I'm relatively satisfied though, so I hope this chapter will make up for the waiting. Also, thank you all for being this understanding. You're great! :D

But at this point, I'd like to make an announcement. It's quite possible that in future, more chapters might come in later as well. The reason is that I'm pregnant. :) 7 months in now. The baby, a little girl, it due in Decembre. So yeah, I have a lot of other things on my mind besides writing these days, and focusing on one thing gets harder and harder. ^^"

As mentioned before, this entire part was meant to be in the previous chapter... In the end, it turned out so long that I probably would have split it anyway, so... it's okay as it is?

And I want to make two things clear...Many people are speculating about Daniel, when he'll return, and how he'll be able to help our couple. A few questions in this regard will finally get answered in his chapter ;)

And I've mentioned this before a few times, but since it came up THREE TIMES in the reviews and comments to this chapter alone...

YES, TOOTHLESS AND A FEW OTHER DRAGONS WILL EVENTUALLY PLAY A ROLE HERE, TOO.

Maybe everyone reads this now... but I won't bet on it.

This chapter now has the title I'd planned for the previous already. It's from 'I Don't Want to Miss a Thing' by Aerosmith, and I think it fits really well here. ;)

. o O o .

Even though the ball ended up being much more enjoyable after her trip out to the gardens, Astrid was still grateful when it finally ended with the last movement from the band and her father’s formal speech. No, not just grateful. She was excited. She was practically trembling with anticipation for the planned meeting in Eret’s rooms, and would have liked nothing more than to go there directly after the party.

But Ruff’s words of caution, of not starting those kinds of rumours made her see reason. It was expected that women would wait until their wedding night, and while the social expectations were different in different regions – from what she’d heard, over in eastern regions, long betrothals and sex during the betrothal were not unheard of – here in the capital, it was ironclad. Women who were outside of the Temple waited. Period. Rumours of her being seen entering Eret’s chambers would be the height of scandal, especially given the still-ongoing competition over her hand. However, if that had been the only reason, she wouldn’t have cared much. No, what was even more important: if people believed that she’d already slept with Eret, then gaining acceptance for her actual choice later on would be even harder.

So, reluctantly, she accepted the necessity of having to return to her own rooms first, in order to change out of her extravagant and recognizable ball gown and into one of Ruff’s simple maidservant outfits in nothing else. But even with that disguise, she had to wait until the castle had calmed down for the night, just like before when she’d sneaked out to meet Hiccup at the stables. Once it was time though, there was nothing that could stop her. She’d expected to go alone, that Ruff and Tuff, who also had a long day, would be tired. But they insisted on coming along regardless. 

“We’re in on this now, whether you want it or not,” Ruff had commented dryly, her brother simply nodding at her side. 

Astrid wasn’t sure whether three people on an errand might be a little too obvious, despite the twins’ assurances that it would actually be more effective. But thankfully they didn’t have far to go and also didn’t encounter anyone in the dark corridors, and once they’d reached Eret’s rooms, she found that she couldn’t care less about such thoughts. The moment she stepped inside, out of view of whoever might be walking the corridors, and spotted Hiccup standing at the far end, awkwardly shifting his weight off his left leg and biting his lower lip, everything else around her seemed to fade out of existence. 

With a soft gasp, she flew through the room and into his arms, her lips on his before anyone could react in any way. Some part of her had feared that everything that had happened out in the gardens had been nothing but a dream, just wishful thinking. But at that moment, she fully realised that all of that – talking to Hiccup, reconnecting with him, and the whole conversation with Eret and the others – had really happened. She was back in Hiccup’s arms, where she belonged, and nothing would ever be able to separate them again. 

It took him less than a second to catch up to her mood, his hands on her back hurling her closer, their kiss turning deeper and more heated. This was different from the sweet reconnecting out in the gardens, not hesitant or careful but instead filled with all the longing of the past two weeks. It was wonderful, everything she’d missed and longed for: his hands on her waist and back, his lips and tongue moving with her own, the stubble on his jaw scraping pleasantly over her skin. She could feel his warmth seeping into her body, heard his low gasps and moans against her mouth, could smell his achingly familiar scent of leather and sunshine, could finally taste him again. The force of their kiss even made him stumble a step or two backwards before he caught himself – and her – again, gripping even harder, and Astrid wanted nothing more than to stay in this moment forever.

But, of course, time wouldn’t stand still for them.

“Oh dear, get a room, you two,” Dagur commented from behind her, reminding Astrid of their audience. 

Embarrassed and also a little breathless, she pulled back from Hiccup after all – reassured by the expression of joy and love she spotted in his eyes – and turned to look at their friends again. 

“Be careful with what you wish for,” Tuff groaned at that moment, letting his head drop back in one of his theatrical gestures. “Giving them a private room might result in more noise than even you would want to hear.” 

. o O o .

Despite the joy and happiness buzzing through Hiccup’s body after her kiss, he involuntarily tensed at Tuff’s words. How much did Astrid’s warder know? Spotting the fierce blush on her cheeks, he figured that the man at least had to know something, and he threw an apprehensive look at how Eret and Dagur would react to this information. Knowing about their feelings was one thing, but learning that Hiccup apparently knew very well how the Princess – their little sister – looked beneath her expensive robes was something else entirely. 

But before either of them got the chance to say anything, Astrid beat them to it. “I don’t think that’s why we’re here, is it?” she asked, quickly and in a way that made her intentions to change the topic more than clear. However, none of the others objected, allowing Hiccup to relax again. This was really not the moment he wanted to discuss the extent of their intimacy – not that he felt like ever discussing it with anyone present! 

Waiting for her here in Eret’s rooms for the past hour had been awkward enough already. There was a certain tension, especially between him and Eret, and Hiccup knew that, at some point, they would have to talk about it. But with Dagur around as well, there hadn’t been time so far, so he pushed all those mixed feelings aside. Now was not the time to dwell on them.

“You’re right. That is not why we’re here,” Eret agreed after a short tense pause. 

“Related, though,” Dagur commented dryly.

Eret scoffed and he shook his head as if to shake off an unpleasant thought, then ran a hand through his hair before he pulled over a chair to sit down. 

Hiccup could hardly blame him. After the long night of dancing and the ride earlier in the day, his legs ached as well; the left one especially was cramping now that the tension of waiting for Astrid had ebbed off. He looked around, but the only seating accommodations were the other chairs, which quickly were occupied by Dagur and Astrid’s servants, and the couch that usually served as his bed these days. He hesitated, but with Astrid still refusing to let go of him – and frankly him feeling the same reluctance – a chair wouldn’t have suited them anyway. So he guided her the few steps to the side to sit down there, not caring what the others might think. 

Eret threw them a thoughtful glance when Hiccup looked up again but didn’t comment. Instead, he went straight to the point, taking Astrid’s heavy-handed suggestion without rancour. “All right, let’s see what we have,” he began, unusually sober compared to his usual rather relaxed nature and the joking atmosphere of only a few minutes ago. ”First, I’d say we need to all get onto the same page. I mean, the main problem is obvious; Astrid has to pick a husband, but Hiccup isn’t eligible. We could make some excuses to postpone the betrothal, by faking an injury or an illness, for example. But that wouldn’t solve the problem. What we need is a way for Hiccup to rise in rank sufficient to be eligible. So what was the plan you had in mind before Astrid’s birthday – assuming you had one?”

Astrid nodded enthusiastically, apparently eager to get started. But although Hiccup felt the same energy, at least to some degree, he wasn’t fooling himself. For sure, maybe Eret and Dagur would have some brilliant solution that had evaded him – but he doubted it. Not because he didn’t think them intelligent, but after he’d already spent so many nights desperately searching for an answer, it seemed unlikely that they’d spring on it. What was left that he might not have thought about already? 

“To be honest, I wasn’t really thinking about this at all at first,” Astrid admitted sheepishly. “All I knew was that there had to be a way and that Hiccup had a plan.” She shrugged, her hand squeezing his as everyone’s attention turned toward him. 

Slowly, he nodded. “Yeah, I had a plan… or something in that direction, at least.” His eyes focused on Eret. “I planned to... well, to simply do my best as your squire,” he said, self-consciously. “I wanted to make a good impression, on you but mostly on Daniel. I... I hoped I could earn his respect and maybe get him to like me, enough so that when I would ask for land and title when Astrid came of age, he’d support me.” He gave a helpless shrug. “That sounds so stupid now, but I thought it could work. It had to…” 

The last words, he only added in a low and sad whisper so only Astrid would be able to hear him. His eyes met hers, and he couldn’t keep the pain out of them, the renewed sense that he’d failed her. Yes, he’d been so sure… But even with the Goddess’s assurance, he still wasn’t able to feel the same again, not after what had happened. There still was this tiny sting of doubt, of the fear that he might not be able to prove himself worthy after all. 

“I see,” Eret sighed. “You’re right, it sounds pretty foolhardy. But… well, given how quickly you and Daniel already became friends by now, it could have worked, I think – with enough time.”

Hiccup nodded, swallowing. “Which is the problem. We don’t have that time anymore,” he muttered, his voice weak and breaking. Only dimly he was aware of Astrid reaching up to caress his face, even her soothing touch barely enough to pull him out of his thoughts. He’d been over this so many times during the past weeks, and talking about it now didn’t feel like it would help at all. On the contrary, it just made everything more real. 

“Well, we could still approach Daniel with this proposition together, right?” Dagur now threw in, looking from one to the other until his eye stayed on Eret. “As you said, Daniel certainly likes him. That in addition to Astrid’s feelings and our support might be enough, don’t you think?”

“No!” Astrid gasped. She became rigid in his embrace, her face suddenly pale even in the dim light of the lanterns. “No, you can’t tell him! He-he would get Hiccup hanged! Just like Harold and that other– No, please, he can’t know! Please!”

Hiccup tried to soothe her as she started to tremble violently, but knew that there was little he could do right now. This had been her fear right from the beginning, and even though he hoped that it wouldn’t come to that, he also couldn’t be sure. He and Daniel might have become something like friends, but that didn’t mean he knew how the Prince would react to such a violation of his own law. 

However, Eret seemed to be less concerned about that. “Is that why you never said anything? Because of Daniel and his law?” he asked, grimacing.

Whimpering softly, she nodded. “You’ve seen how hard he’d become, how mercilessly he executed Harold. Not… not that he didn’t deserve it, but… what if he does the same to Hiccup?” Her hand around his tightened, nearly crushing it. “I won’t take that risk. We can’t tell him, not until it’s all settled.” 

Slowly, Eret shook his head at her. “Oh, Swanja,” he sighed. “I really wish you would have said something sooner. You got it all wrong. This law… it’s about people who touch you without your consent, against your will. Harold tried to rape you, for Odin’s sake; of course, Daniel showed him no mercy. But he’d only need to take one look at you two to see that this is what you want. Believe me, he wouldn’t punish Hiccup for making you as happy as you’ve been at the ball earlier. On the contrary, Dagur is probably right. If he knew, he might very well support you.” 

Next to Hiccup, Astrid seemed to deflate, and he pulled her even closer until she leaned against him again, her face hidden against his chest. He’d seen the sheer panic in Astrid’s eyes at the idea of her brother catching them. Maybe Eret was right and Daniel wouldn’t even mind, but that didn’t mean that her fear hadn’t been real. And he could only imagine how it looked inside her head now.

But whether Daniel would punish him for their love or not, Hiccup felt a certain hollowness of is own at Eret’s words. In a low voice, he murmured, “I wouldn’t count on him supporting us either way. He made it pretty clear who he wants her to marry.” His eyes flickered to Eret, who flinched at his words but didn’t contradict him. “From what I learned about him, he doesn’t believe in love at all, even called it a fickle thing when we talked once.” His head turned toward her on its own volition, leaning a little closer. He wanted to hold her forever, to never let her go. But with every minute they talked, his hopes sank.

“And if Daniel thought Hiccup to be a suitable candidate, wouldn’t he have arranged for him to at least be eligible for this stupid marriage contest?” she added bitterly, apparently having caught herself again, and shook her head. “No, I won’t count on his help.”

Eret grimaced, and even though it looked as if he wanted to object, he didn’t. “I wish I could contradict you there,” he muttered. “I mean, one thing’s for sure, he does care for your happiness, and greatly so. But…” He let out a heavy sigh. “But you’re right, counting on that to be enough might be a mistake. Because Hiccup’s right, he made his preference regarding your choice clear, at least retrospectively. And while he certainly wouldn’t approve of a strictly political marriage with, say, Thuggory, he still has to keep the safety of the Kingdom in mind as well. As future King, he needs you to forge a beneficial alliance through your marriage.” He gave a small, apologetic shrug. “That being said, we can at least keep this option in mind; it would have to be some kind of last option anyway. Daniel isn’t due to return until a few days before the official betrothal, and since it’s apparently impossible to contact him – or he actively refuses to answer;  I’ve sent him three letters by now – we can’t approach him with this earlier anyway.” 

Astrid tensed. “I don’t think relying on his support as some last option is a good idea,” she murmured, and even without having to look at her, Hiccup knew what she was thinking. And apparently, he wasn’t the only one. 

“I know where this is going, Swanja,” Eret said, shaking his head at her. “But I really hope there’ll be another solution.” 

His and Astrid’s eyes met, the sudden tension between them tangible to everyone around. Hiccup swallowed, waiting. A major part of him wanted to support Astrid in this, to simply run away, right now, and not care for any consequences. But he just couldn’t do that.

“Eh, what’s he talkin’ about?” Tuff asked as the silence stretched on. 

His sister let her head drop back with a groan. “Isn’t that obvious? They want to elope. Might be the only realistic option anyway.”

From the corner of his eye, Hiccup saw how both Tuff’s and Dagur’s heads snapped around to stare at them. But he didn’t dare to turn his gaze away from Eret, anxiously awaiting his reaction. 

However, it was Astrid who spoke first. “I won’t take any chances,” she said, her voice low but urgent. “I won’t wait and hope until it’s too late! The past two weeks gave me a taste of the life awaiting me if I do, and–” she turned in his embrace until their eyes met– “and I won’t lose you again!”

Hiccup’s throat tightened at the raw emotions in her eyes. Desperation. Determination. Love. He pulled her closer until his forehead rested against hers, holding her tight “You won’t,” he whispered, and added mentally, Not if I can help it.

With a soft sigh, Astrid pressed herself closer to him. It helped to reassure and calm him, at least a little bit. There was a way, no matter how hopeless things seemed right now. There had to be…  

“I know that it’s pointless to try and talk you out of this plan,” Eret eventually said in a quiet voice. “But please, can you at least consider other options, too? If you really pull this idea through… I don’t even want to imagine the chaos that would follow.” 

There was a spark of resistance in Astrid’s eyes as she turned her head back toward the others, toward Eret, and Hiccup braced himself for an intense argument. Because he knew what Eret meant – but he also knew that, if running away with her really turned out to be the only option, then he would not hesitate to follow through with it.

“Just think it through, Swanja,” Eret implored when she didn’t say anything, painting the mental picture despite his former words. “If you two were simply gone one morning, it won’t matter who knew or suspected what you’re feeling for each other or what your reasons were. It will be seen as an abduction. There would be a hefty bounty on Hiccup’s head and a reward waiting for whoever brings you back – you alive, and him dead. I assume you think you can hide until nobody is looking for you anymore, but I promise you, that won’t be easy. And for how long are you planning to hide anyway? A year? Five? Twenty? And even if you manage to not be found… have you thought about what would happen here? Even if Dagur and I can convince our fathers that he didn’t kidnap you against your will, it would be impossible to turn that into a public announcement. You’re the Princess! You’re in the focus of the public eye; people won’t simply forget that you existed. And there are enough influential people out there who’d love to use this to tear apart the alliance the Kingdom is built on. I… I don’t even know how people would react. Hiccup’s my squire, so maybe some would blame House Jag’r for working against the Kingdom and try to drive a wedge between us. Or maybe someone would remember that Hiccup is from the Tribes and blame them. Can you imagine the chaos, no matter whether people would just openly protest, for example against the palace guard being made up by tribesmen, or would even demand your father reigns them in for good? It’s all–”

“Don’t you think I know all that?” Astrid interrupted him all of a sudden. She was shaking all over now, her fingers digging into Hiccup’s arm almost painfully. “Because I do! I’ve known for all my life that I have responsibilities. And it’s because of the people that I haven’t run away from it all long ago. But…” She threw a quick glance up at Hiccup before resting her head against his chest, hiding from everyone. “I don’t want to cause this kind of trouble. But I just can’t live without Hiccup.”

Hiccup’s arms around her tightened further as he tried to silently reassure her. However, a small part of him was actually glad that Eret had brought up all these problems that could come up if they ran away. Yes, he’d agreed to this option as a last resort, but he really hoped they would somehow find another way. 

With a heavy sigh, Eret drew their attention again. “I know,” he said in a surprisingly soft voice. “I’ve watched you these last two weeks, Swanja, and believe me, I wouldn’t want to toss you back into that state. But… just promise me that you won’t simply be gone one day. Promise me that you’ll wait, that you’ll let us look for another solution in earnesty. And even if we can’t find one, there still might be ways to… I don’t know, to prepare your disappearance. Just don’t do something stupid, okay?”

After a short but tense moment, she nodded. “I won’t...” 

A small wave of relief wash through Hiccup, something he hadn’t known he really needed until that moment. Eret’s concerns were real. And yes, he’d do everything to be with her. But he also knew that he would hate it if their love came at the expense of others, and he was sure that Astrid felt the same. Or would feel once things settled down. 

Eret didn’t repeat his question to him, just threw him an inquiring look and was satisfied when Hiccup gave him a firm nod in return. 

“Okay,” he then sighed, and settled a little more comfortably in his chair. “Now that that’s settled, let’s see what we have. What is it you’ve thought about so far, Hiccup? It’s probably easiest to start there.”

Next to him, Astrid relaxed noticeably, presumably now that she knew Eret wouldn’t try to separate them after all. Her tight grip on his arm loosened and her body seemed to sag as she snuggled against him more comfortably. Hiccup turned his head to place a kiss onto her hair, deeply inhaling her wonderful mayweed scent, and drew strength from her closeness before he answered. 

“I’ll try, but I doubt it’ll be of any help,” he said, his voice trembling. “We’ve already covered that my original plan to gain a title through Daniel’s favour won’t work. Maybe we can hope on his support once he’s back, but that’s a flimsy hope at best. That would be awfully close to the day Astrid has to choose for real, and even the Prince himself can’t create a title out of nowhere. And as for other options… I can’t see any. Uncle Eret already made it clear that, even though he might want to, he won’t be able to provide me with a title, family or not. He has enough vassals who already requested compensation for their lost lands, worthy men who’ve earned their place. And the only land he actually had to distribute was the farm in Sunhill which is part of Ester’s dowry. Aiming for that would be both pointless as she’s betrothed already and would kinda defeat the purpose anyway.” He laughed, shakily. “I never placed a request to the other Grand Dukes, but their situation is hardly different, and they have even less reason to help me anyway – despite the blood relation to House Jorgenson. And the King…” He gave a helpless shrug. “Likewise. He has enough requests for titles as it is. There simply is no land left for titleless noblemen like me. That’s the whole problem, isn’t it? The reason why the Kingdom is at the brink of a civil war. There’s no point in joining that struggle, no hope of success at all. Even if I was willing to enter those fights and to further tear at the Kingdom’s foundation, I’d be going in there naked, with no manpower, no money, no allies.”

“And what are we?” Dagur threw in, a little offended, but Hiccup didn’t even need to reply as Eret beat him to it.

“We wouldn’t be of much use,” he grunted. “Not yet. We might count as powerful allies in case we can bring our fathers on our side. But even then we can’t enter the title disputes, not without making it all so much worse.”

“Worse how?” Ruff asked, sounding curious.

Eret scoffed and affected a high, simpering, overcultured voice. “‘But sire, why won’t you come to my aid in defence of my claim on that title? You helped that titleless squire, after all!’” He twisted his torso as if turning to look at the man who had been ‘speaking’ and said in a much more gruff tone, “‘That was a special situation. I’m sorry, but I can’t be of any help.’”

Then Dagur jumped in, with an imitation of the high overcultured voice. “‘Well, fine then, sire. But I and my kin will remember this in the future!’” He coughed to clear his throat as Eret motioned towards him with a there you go gesture. 

“All we’d be able to do is support him with trade contracts and the like, but not with manpower. We can’t help him gain a title, only support him once he has one.” 

“So what about the North then?” Tuff asked from where he lounged in his chair, his legs dangling off one side. “I mean, he is the heir to one of the most powerful Houses there, aren’t you? Even with the struggles about who’s to become the new High Chief and all, that has to count for something, right?”

Hiccup hadn’t known how well Astrid’s servants were informed about his situation and identity, but he decided to not focus on that point. It didn’t really matter now anyway. Instead, he concentrated on facts, on staying calm enough to explain, and was incredibly grateful for Astrid’s supportive hand reaching for his own. He would have to rely on her strength some more tonight.

“There’s nothing there to gain either,” he replied in a strained voice, aware of how Eret and Dagur leaned a little closer. He couldn’t even blame them; he hadn’t really told them anything about what had happened. “I’m an outcast from the Tribes. Even if I don’t return to the islands and tried my luck with one of the dukes on the mainland, at the coast or even further south somewhere amidst Wodensleya... they wouldn’t dare to support me. Not with the threat of the Tribes’ retribution looming over their heads.”

“‘Their retribution? What would they do, toss you over the side of one of their ships and make you swim?” Tuff suggested, breezily dismissing his words with a languid wave of his arm.

Hiccup scowled at him. “Yeah, maybe... about thirty miles from shore in a storm.  But more likely is something like ‘midnight raids with flaming torches’ and then let’s work our way up from there.”

Tuff snorted. “I’m always up for a bit of drama, but that certainly is a bit too dramatic, don’t you think? I mean–”

“No, it isn’t,” Hiccup cut him off directly. He remembered what had happened, even though he wished he didn’t. But the bewildered looks everyone threw him at his strong reaction made it clear that he would have to relive it all again now. “It happened about a season after... after my family died,” he said through clenched teeth, eyes pressed shut. “Some idiot popped up at Grunberg, one of the biggest settlements on the coast, and claimed that he was me. The ‘supposedly dead ducal heir of the Tribes’ he said, and tried to gain support for a bid for the ducal seat.” Hiccup remembered having heard that, still recovering with the crude bandage around his leg; he hadn’t known whether to laugh or to weep. “He lasted about two months. Now the opportunist’s head is on a spear on Berk.” He gave Tuff a glare that made the man shrink down in his seat. Yeah, one does not mess with the Tribes… 

“We’ve heard about that,” Dagur muttered into the silence that followed. “It was then when we realised that you had to be dead for real, even though only the bodies of your father and brother could be identified without a doubt.” He threw a worried look at Eret, who nodded. 

“Yeah, that was a dark day. Although… I thought the Tribes reacted that strongly because someone dared to use the name Haddock to gain power, as some form of paying tribute to their former High Chief. But I guess that wasn’t all that was about then?” 

With a pained grimace, Hiccup shook his head. “The Elders made it clear that, if I ever showed up again and tried to regain power in their domain without their consent, they would not show mercy again. Not toward me and not to whoever would be with me or supported me.” Swallowing, he glanced at Astrid next to him. “So trust me when I say that House Haddock is worth nothing, not anymore, and there’s no realistic way to change that.” He hoped this would be enough to let this particular topic drop, but he should have known better.

“No realistic way?” Eret asked, his voice quiet but serious. Apparently, he still hadn’t given up on this idea. 

With a deep sigh, Hiccup closed his eyes. “If I could prove that I had nothing to do with my family’s death – mainly my father’s – then they might be willing to lend an ear to my claim; probably not to become High Chief and Grand Duke, but maybe for some form of compensation. But patricide is one of the severest crimes among the Tribes, and even a sneaking suspicion was enough for them to distrust me. And I can’t even demand a fair trial. I’m not young enough to be under their protection as a minor, but since I failed my initiation I’m not a tribesman either, not legally. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve been allowed to try again or prove my worth in another way, but with the attack happening so soon afterwards…” 

He trailed off, consumed by the pictures rising in his mind. The burned remains of his home. The flames and the heat. The pain and the loss. The accusations. With Astrid in his arms and the prospect of their shared future – no matter how insecure it was at this point – the memories had lost some of their bite, but they still stung. If only things had gone differently that day… 

“I can see the dilemma,” Eret, who was at least a little familiar with the way of the Tribes, muttered. “That’s why you tried so desperately to find information about the attack.”

Hiccup nodded. “But it’s been futile. I literally found nothing, nothing in over two years. Whoever was behind it was incredibly careful. They left no trail at all, no witnesses. It almost looks like it might have been an accident after all – except that that makes even less sense.”  

“So the North is not an option,” Dagur summed it up, closing this topic to Hiccup’s utmost relief. 

Eret nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I’d thought that might be the easiest solution, but apparently, it’s not. Now I get why you thought there wouldn’t be a way. But I’m sure there is one, somehow. Let’s see…”

. o O o .

For nearly two hours, they threw ideas and suggestions around, but without getting anywhere. It was just as Hiccup had feared: none of their friends was able to think of something he hadn’t thought about already. 

However, it was actually good to get it all off his chest, after all, to talk it through without having to hold back. And even though he felt incredibly tired and drained, he also felt lighter. Having support, no matter how little they might be able to actually help, was good. 

Astrid had been rather quiet throughout the entire discussion, but that wasn’t really surprising. On more than one occasion, she’d expressed her annoyance about how little she actually knew about politics and the Kingdom in general, so there probably wasn’t much she was able to contribute. Every now and then, she threw in a question, asking for clarification or making a random suggestion, but over time, even those became less frequent. 

It took him a while before he noticed why, though. At some point, she had fallen asleep. Hiccup only noticed when he tried to shift into another position and her body, draped halfway across him at that point, had simply followed the motion like dead weight and her only reaction had been a cute little grunt before she drifted back into slumber. 

It was something that made him smile despite the rather fruitless discussion, something so light and simple as falling asleep in each other’s arms. Oh, how much he’d missed this! Only last night, he’d lain on this very couch and had despaired over how much he missed her, how he would do everything to get her back, to hold her again. And now, the impossible had happened; she was here, warm and cosy against his side, her head resting on his shoulder. It was a wonderful moment, one he hoped to experience again. Often. 

But for now, he knew that he had to end it. Reluctantly, he cleared his throat to draw the others’ attention, then nodded toward her sleeping form. From one second to the other, the room fell silent, soft smiles on everyone’s face. 

“I guess that’s our cue then,” Dagur murmured, a crooked smile on his lips as he gazed at his little sister. “Odin knows it’s been a horribly long day anyway.”

Yawning in agreement, everyone rose from their seats. But when Hiccup made attempts to wake Astrid, as carefully as possible, her maidservant stopped him by placing a slim hand on his free shoulder. 

“Don’t,” she whispered. “Let her sleep. I haven’t seen her this peaceful in a while and I think she needs this. Needs you,” she added with something between a smile and a smirk. “The night isn’t long enough for us to get enough sleep as it is, so I’d rather she gets at least some restful sleep. I’ll be back before dawn to get her back into her rooms, you’re usual time.” Her words were followed by a mischievous wink, one that made clear she was talking about when Astrid had sneaked back to the castle after their shared nights. It again made him wonder just how much the twins knew, but this certainly wasn’t the time to ask. 

And it didn’t really matter anyway. 

With a nod and a grateful smile, Hiccup shifted until both he and Astrid lay on their sides, her head resting on his arm and his free hand lightly wrapped around her back. The couch certainly wasn’t as comfortable as a real bed and even in his sleeping stall in the stables they’d had more space, but it was still luxurious and wide enough to easily hold them now. It wasn’t as if he wanted to leave much space between him and her anyway. 

Behind him, he could hear Eret and the others move and whisper, probably putting the chairs back into their places and discussing how and when to meet again. But Hiccup didn’t pay them any attention. With his body shielding Astrid from the noise and the faint light, he simply watched her sleep and got entirely lost in her features. Ruff was right; she looked incredibly peaceful, relaxed with a small smile on her lips. Hiccup couldn’t help but smile as well as he fished for the blanket folded somewhere above their heads and then covered them both, encasing them in their own little bubble. 

Before he could truly settle for something like sleep though, someone clearing their throat behind him drew his attention again. Carefully so as to not wake her, he turned his head and found Eret standing a few steps away. With a somewhat tense expression, he waved him over, indicating him to follow into the other room. 

Hiccup suppressed a sigh but worked his way out their little nest nonetheless. There were things he and Eret had to talk about, things that were nobody else’s business. And yes, it was better to clear those right away instead of waiting any longer, but that didn’t change how much Hiccup dreaded this conversation. In the doorway, he turned to throw another look at Astrid though, warmth spreading from his heart through his chest. She was worth everything. 

Eret was already waiting for him, leaning against the desk and with his arms crossed in front of him. As expected, the room was otherwise empty, everyone else having left by now. Hiccup made a step inside, then closed the door behind him, unsure whether to wait for Eret to start or do so himself. He didn’t get any time to ponder though.

“I’m sorry,” Eret began, direct and straightforward. 

It made Hiccup’s mouth clamp shut as he fought to keep the beast that were his feelings for his cousin contained. There was just too much right now, everything jumbled together. 

“I know that I should have said something sooner. I knew that something was up with you two.”

“You tried,” Hiccup muttered without knowing how to really feel. The truth was that learning about how Eret had known about their feelings – or however else he called it – and hadn’t done or said anything to help them had left marks in their friendship, and he couldn’t say yet of what kind they were.

But Eret just shook his head. “I didn’t try hard enough. I knew how miserable she was and that you were hardly any better off. I feel horrible and keep asking myself how much pain I could have spared you if only I’d made you talk to me. It’s all just–”

“It’s okay,” Hiccup interrupted him, even as he had to avert his gaze. He knew the truth of the matter, knew that Eret wasn’t to blame, not really. But a part of him wanted to blame him, for everything. And it was this part of himself he had to fight now. “We’re not your responsibility. It was me who gave up too soon, who pushed her away and hurt her. And… well, as painful as these two weeks were… I think we needed them. I needed to feel the weight of that loss, if only to know what I’m fighting for. You heard what she said, and the same is true for me, too. I can’t live without her. I know that now...”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Eret muttered. “Even though I don’t really understand it.”

Chuckling, Hiccup lifted his head to give his cousin a strained smile. “Let’s just say: It’s complicated!”  

Eret snorted. “Isn’t it always complicated?”

Hiccup’s lips twitched, but he didn’t comment further on this topic. He didn’t feel like explaining the whole soulmate bond again, didn’t want it to be played down just like Cami had only yesterday. And there were enough others, after all, enough other beasts to battle. So instead, he gave a heavy sigh and said, “I’m sorry too, by the way.”

“For what?” Eret seemed truly puzzled now.

Hiccup shrugged, inwardly steeling himself. “For stealing your bride. I know how many hopes you’ve put on your future with her.”

“Ah, that.” Eret’s smile turned sad. “Well, she never really was my bride to begin with, was she?” Chuckling, he shook his head. “This whole betrothal… I have to admit that, yes, I’ve been looking forward to this relatively easy solution for my problem. But I never should have let her go that far. She wasn’t happy with this arrangement, and I knew that it was because she wanted you. I thought that… that she surely knew what she was doing, that you’d broken up, maybe that it’s just been some silly infatuation anyway. I’d thought that we could help and support each other, that I could cheer her up again. But I should have known better. I should have known her better!”

Gulping, Hiccup clenched his hands into fists, hoping that Eret wouldn’t notice. “There’s no point in you blaming yourself for this,” he said as steadily as he could muster. Damn yes, the thought of her marrying Eret had hurt like barely anything else. But he couldn’t let Eret see that, couldn’t let that beast of stupid jealousy and hurt loose. It was unfounded anyway, wasn’t Eret’s fault. “Logically, her marrying you would be the most prudent solution, even now. I have to believe that there is a way for us to be together or I’d go insane – but you’ve just seen how hopeless it is. And if I hadn’t stumbled into her life like this, then I know that you and she could be happy together. Which is all I want for her.” 

Now, it was on Eret to give him a strained smile. “Welcome to the club.” Then he sighed. “It’s all a mess, isn’t it?”

“It certainly is,” Hiccup agreed. However, he found that, inside, the jumbled mess of emotions was calming down. Because everything he’d told Eret was true. He wasn’t angry at him, not really. Eret was just as much a pawn in the Gods’ games as he and Astrid were – maybe even more so. “But we’re good, I’d say. We all should have said something so we’re all to blame at least a little. But now, all that doesn’t matter anymore anyway. We’re good.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Eret said, nodding. “But now that we’ve cleared that… there’s one other point I need to know. Not… Not for myself, but… Odin, she really is like a sister to me. And Daniel explicitly left her in my care, so…” He hesitated, but then turned even more serious than before. “What was it Ruff and Tuff were referring to earlier? About her sneaking out of the castle and to the stables, about the noises Tuff overheard. The truth, Hiccup. You owe me that much.”

Hiccup bit his lip and turned away from Eret. He still didn’t want to talk about this, but he had a point. As her brother, he had a right to be worried. “You know what they meant,” he said in a low voice, the memory of those wonderful nights with her heavy on his mind. “Yes, she spent nearly every night with me at the stables. And yes, we did more than just peacefully sleep side by side. But… there was no penetration of any kind, she’s still untouched in the way that matters – which is what you’re concerned about, I assume. I’m not that stupid. Besides, if I’d gone that far, Cami would’ve skinned me alive,” he added with a weak laugh. 

“Cami knows?” 

At his surprised exclamation, Hiccup threw Eret a sheepish look. “She does. Although, until yesterday, even she didn’t know who. Just that I was meeting someone; I asked for her advice on more than one occasion, so...”

“I see,” Eret replied as Hiccup trailed off, his lips twitching. “Well, I’d say that’s going to be a fun conversation the next time we meet her – whenever that’ll be.” He sighed. “Either way, that’s enough reassurance for me. And… well, I didn’t really expect you to do more. I just had to make sure, you know?”

Grimacing, Hiccup nodded. “Yeah, I get that. I… I probably would have done the same.” If my sister would still be alive, he added mentally but suppressed that thought directly. 

“Good. Then I don’t need to emphasise that it had better stay that way now, too. It’s complicated enough as it is, even without adding an unplanned pregnancy.”

At that, Hiccup laughed, though without any humour. “Don’t worry. I’ve learned my lesson.” He hadn’t forgotten, after all. He didn’t know what the Gods’ plan was, but the timing of their separation was still too precise to be a coincidence. He wouldn’t risk getting parted from her again just for a little intimacy. There was too much at stake. However, he didn’t explain himself at Eret’s questioning look, just shook his head and asked, “Is there anything else?”

“No, I guess not. So yeah, it’s time to at least get a little bit of rest. Sleep well, Hiccup.”

“Thanks. You, too.”

Once back in the other room, Hiccup quickly slipped under his cover again, and couldn’t help the soft sigh at taking her back into his arms. Gods, how much he’d missed this! Just her weight and her warmth, her soft breathing and familiar scent. Just being that close to her again and, hopefully, never having to truly part. 

“Hiccup?” came her sleepy voice, barely more than a sigh. She didn’t even open her eyes, just shifted a bit at his movement.

“I’m here, Milady,” he whispered back, and brushed his lips over her forehead. “Now sleep.”

Humming, she complied, and not even a minute later, she lay still and quiet again, the soft smile still on her lips. The sight made him smile too as he settled comfortably at her side. 

However, he also couldn’t completely smother the tiny flickers of doubt in the back of his mind. He remembered the words of the Goddess, about how there was always hope and about how he only needed to do what came naturally, only needed to do the Gods’ work to get his reward. 

But what did that even mean? 

So far, everything he’d done had come naturally to him, hadn’t it? It had all felt like the right decision, at that moment at least. And even though things had turned a little brighter now, it could still all go wrong again at any moment. There still was not even the slightest hope for a solution… 

Well, pondering about it now wouldn’t get him anywhere. He would have to wait and see what the following days would bring them, whether he, Astrid, or one of their new supporters would come up with some new ideas or whether, through some miracle, another path would reveal itself to them. 

Now, all he could do was enjoy the moment, enjoy being reunited with her when he hadn’t thought that to ever happen again. He was incredibly tired after this endless day of emotional turmoil with the ball and the ride and after the previous night where he also hadn’t slept all that much. 

But somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to get the rest he needed. He didn’t want to fall asleep, to close his eyes. All he wanted was to watch her sleep, smiling in her dreams, and not miss a single moment of the time they had.

. o O o .

So, that was that... The situation really doesn't look good, does it?

And to everyone who keeps insisting Hiccup and Astrid should just run away and don't care about anything else... here's what my co-writer/alpha-reader athingofvikings has to say on that matter:

There are several issues /which have been brought up already in the fic/, but to emphasize them: Yes, they could run away. But they are in the center of the kingdom, and they are two people. So the next morning-or two mornings, if Ruff and Tuff manage to lie their asses off that the Princess is 'indisposed' (which would probably get them executed when it comes to light)-Astrid is discovered to be missing. Now, a horse with a rider can make about 15 km/hour (10 mph, for the Americans in the audience) if you're not running at a flat out gallop (which quickly exhausts the horse).

So lets say they get 100 km away on the road with that head start. So that next morning, when they realize she's missing, /and so is Eret III's squire/, along with two horses, the King asks Eret II to borrow ALL his horses to mount a search party for the kidnappers. And Eret II, his house looking at dishonor and arguably a /treason/ charge, not only says yes, but offers to lead the search. And /they/ don't care about exhausting their horses; they'll bring spare horses to swap out when the first gets tired, so they'll be going twice as fast, if not faster. Bounties get posted, and everyone knows that the Princess is out there. And while Hiccup and Astrid don't know this, the conspirators would /leap/ on the chance to do a bit of bride abduction, and send out their own search parties. So where do they go? Any village will note that a man and a woman on /fine horses/ came through just yesterday, and if they avoid the villages, that slows them down even more and makes it easier for their pursuers to follow them. And once they get caught, Hiccup would have to /hope/ that he's just hung from Odin's Tree.

But let's say that, through some miracle, they manage to escape the search parties. Then what? They can't really settle down; they'd have to flee the country or risk recognition, and if someone else figured out who they were, then Hiccup would be killed and Astrid ransomed back.

And that's just the practical aspects, even before getting into the fact that Astrid and Hiccup have a sense of duty to their stations, and wouldn't just abandon them. But those practical aspects have already been addressed by Hiccup, and barring a change in circumstance or situation, they're stuck. Right now, Astrid is in a gilded cage, and while the bars aren't necessarily visible, they /will/ run into them if they try to fly to freedom.

Next chapter

Betting on the Bullseye (22/30)

Summary: Emma Swan loses a drunken bet that means she has to ask her celebrity crush - if you can call him that - to be her date to her office's annual fundraising gala for Boston's Children Shelter. Killian Jones is that celebrity. She expects all kinds of humiliation and for her dignity to be completely lost all because of the ridiculousness of the situation. What she doesn't expect is for him to say yes.

What she truly doesn't expect is to actually like the man.

Rating: Mature

A/N: So, like, does anyone else wonder how an absolutely ridiculous concept that would mortify me to my core in real life (it mortifies me a little when I look at the summary) has turned into a thirty chapter story that is decidedly not about the prompt anymore? Anyone? No? Me either. 

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22

Tag list: @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @wellhellotragic​ @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @artistic-writer @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @galaxyzxstark @lifeinahole27 @andiirivera @ultimiflos @hollyethecurious @thejollyroger-writer @superchocovian @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @notoriouscs

“What about this one?”

“Too small.”

“This one?”

“Too expensive.”

“Emma.”

“Killian.”

“For fuck’s sake, you have to like something, Swan,” he mutters under his breath before slamming his laptop shut and running his hand through his hair, fingers sticking in the unwashed strands, while he tries to calm his breathing and himself before he truly goes off on Emma after having listened to her rejections on apartments for the better part of the last three hours. He’s rejected a few things too, but damn, they’re never going to find anything if it keeps going like this.

He’s just going to go off on Emma’s TV stand. Not break it or anything. Just complain to it about how they can’t find a home for it.

“Okaaay, so we need a break from apartment hunting,” Emma sighs, slouching down on the couch and propping her feet up on the coffee table, mismatched socks on full display to him. He wonders if she ever matches her socks. Probably not. It’s kind of charming. They’ve been looking online for hours, and she’s likely right. It’s nearly impossible right now. They need a breather. “What do you want to watch?”

“I feel like we need to talk about why we’re having issues finding a place.”

“Probably because we just decided to move in together yesterday, and you and I have totally different budgets.”

“I told you, love,” he sighs, twisting his head to look at her even as she avoids looking at him, “I want to buy a place. It’s better than renting. It’s equity, and we can renovate if we need to.”

“I can’t afford to buy these places, though. I know you can, but I’d like to contribute something.” Emma brings her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes darting over to him before they look back at the television while her fingers tap against her legs, a series of nervous ticks if he’s ever seen them. He knew that was going to be a thing, but they’re not going to avoid issues anymore. They’re going to talk about them and figure them out even if it’s uncomfortable. “I’m not saying…I’m not saying I don’t have faith in us or whatever, but – ”

“Darling, if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll get both of our names on the deed, or just yours, or whatever the hell you want so that if we break up, you don’t have to worry about moving. Or hell, you sell it, and then you buy what you want.”

She finally looks at him then, a brow raised on her forehead so that it wrinkles, and he can do nothing but smile as he watches the features on her face change while she thinks. She’s going to agree. She’s going to be a bit of an arse about it, but she’s going to agree. He also knows that she’s likely going to be the one who ends up finding the damn place while walking down the street instead of finding one after hours and days and weeks of searching.

He’s probably getting a little too much enjoyment out of this.

He’s really damn excited to be looking for a place to live with Emma.

With Emma.

That’s just…that’s insane. And it’s wonderful. So wonderful.

He’s a sap.

“So what you’re saying is that if I rip your heart out, I not only get to keep the apartment, but I have the possibility to profit off of it?”

“Aye.”

Slowly but surely her lips begin to curve into a smile, her teeth showing and face scrunching up into a smile. God, he’d do anything to get to see that smile every day of his life. He’s working on it. He really is.  “You are a sucker, KJ. You know that?”

He simply shrugs, moving his laptop over to the side before he slides over onto the cushions and pulls Emma to him so he can leave an obnoxiously loud smacking kiss on her cheek. He’s so goddamn happy to see her, to be with her both figuratively and literally, and he doesn’t care in the slightest over Emma teasing him or thinking he’s crazy. Really, he’s glad for it.

Emma is the woman he wants to be with. There’s not a doubt in his mind about that. He wants her to be the person he’s beside for the rest of his life even when they’re fighting, and while, yes, he knows that things could hit the fan in a spectacular fashion, he has hope. So, yeah, this could either be the best or worst real estate decision he’s ever going to make.

He’s thinking the best.

“I’m a sucker for you.” “That’s only a good line when the Jonas Brothers sing it.”

“I could sing it if you want me to.”

She hums, closing her eyes and pushing at his shoulder until he moves back to where he was sitting. It’s only a few moments before Emma is curling in on her side and wrapping her arms around his waist while her head rests on his chest and his hand rests on the bare skin of her stomach under her t-shirt, warmth permeating from the skin while the smell of the vanilla in her shampoo reaches his nose.

“While that sounds like a fantastic idea and something I’m going to take you up on later,” she murmurs against the material of his t-shirt, “I think we need to keep looking at these apartments before you realize just how bad of a real estate decision you’re making here. But, like, later. I can’t look at another place where everything is monochromatic white.” “Robin would be appalled by your hatred of the all white.” “Does he know?” “Know what?”

“That you might move? Babe, I know we’ve talked about it until our faces turned blue in the past twenty-four hours, but you’ve got to tell Robin and Will. And you’ve really got to tell your family, probably in person. I can go with you if you want. Maybe we can fly back on Friday. I’m sure our faces will have morphed to purple by then.”

“Yeah?”

“The purple thing? Yeah.”

“No,” he laughs, walking his fingers up her back, “the you coming with me to talk to my family this weekend.”

“I mean, yeah. Let’s keep looking for a place, maybe set up a few viewings for the next time you’re out here, but then we’ve got to tell your family and talk about it with them. I just hope they won’t hate me. I mean, I’ll still move to California, but I – ” “They love you,” he interrupts, ignoring her offer to move to California. She’s offered enough times that he doesn’t know if he can hear it again. Boston is the best decision for them right now, and they’re sticking with it. “Aiden loves you as much as Leo loves me.” “As reassuring as that is,” she sighs while nuzzling into his stomach again, her hand resting on his knee and tracing his skin with her fingernail, “I was kind of concerned with the adults. Should we tell my friends together too?”

“Nah, I thought maybe I’d just move and they’d figure it out when I showed up to every damn dinner.”

“It might take them awhile to notice.”

“Weeks most likely.”

“So maybe we should just tell them. I’ll get them a little card and some chocolate to soften the blow of finding out that I’ve decided to stick with ya, honey bunches.”

“Swan, I swear if you start calling me all of those ridiculous names I’ll – ”

“You’ll what? Break up with me? Can you wait until we own a fancy apartment so I can make some big bucks without lifting a finger?”

He should have never suggested that. She’d never do something like that, but she’s definitely going to tease him about it.

“I hate you.”

“I love you too, sweet cheeks.”

-/-

“Killy,” Leo screeches the moment they walk into the Nolan’s house the next night, David running behind him with wide eyes and a heaving chest. What the hell have the two of them been doing?

“Hi, buddy,” he laughs, reaching down and picking Leo up so he doesn’t run out the front door, all of the features on David’s face relaxing for just a moment. Dave looks far older than he did the last time Killian saw him, so the first few days of having more than one kid must have really taken their toll. “Did you miss me?”

“Yep. I have a brother.”

“I heard, little lad. You’re an older brother now, yeah?”

“Uh huh,” Leo sighs, relaxing in his arms and looking over at Emma who’s picking up the bags of groceries they brought even if Emma already brought over some frozen meals earlier this week. He figures if they’re going to invade parents of a newborn and a toddler, the least they can do is bring some food. “Is Superman here?”

Emma chuckles next to him, a glint of amusement in her eyes, and she moves her brows across her forehead. “No, but super Emma is.”

“I want Superman.”

“Leo,” David sighs, his eyes still a little heavy even as he greets Emma by kissing her cheek, “you have to be nice. Killian and Emma came to play with you.”

“It’s alright, mate. I’d want to see Superman over boring old me any day.”

“His clothes are a lot tighter than yours, so I second that.”

He rolls his eyes at Emma before he passes by she and David and makes his way into the kitchen with Leo, grabbing a bag of groceries from Emma on the way so he can unload them even with Leo babbling in his ear about anything and everything from his brother to his toys to the squirrel that was in the backyard yesterday. He and Leo have become good buddies over the past few months, and if it annoys Emma a little bit over how Leo will pick him over her, that’s only justified for how she’s stolen Aiden from him.

Not literally stolen, but that’s how it feels when Aiden would rather sleep on her chest than on his.

Then again, she’s got a fantastic chest…which is not at all the thing to be thinking when talking about a child’s napping preferences.  

Then again – nope. Not going there.

“Where’s your mummy?” he asks Leo as he places the bunch of bananas on their countertop and stuffs the plastic bags in the container the Nolans keep of them under their sink. How the hell does he know where they keep their plastic bags?

“I don’t know.”

“Of course you don’t,” he murmurs under his breath before he moves away from the counters and makes his way to the living room where he can hear Emma and David talking before he even gets to the archway.

“You’re sure about this?” David questions, arms crossed over his chest and back straight in what Killian assumes is his position for when he interrogates suspects. David at work has got to be a sight to see. Maybe he’ll ask to shadow him one day. Lie and say it’s for a role simply so he can mess with the man.

“I mean, yeah. I love him and want a future with him. It’s been so hard even when it’s been good, and it’s only going to get worse when he’s working more or when we’ve been together longer, I think.”

“And he didn’t want you to move to LA?”

“He did. I did. I didn’t want him to feel like he has to give up anything for me, but we both agreed here is better for now. Maybe in the future we’ll move there. I don’t really know. It’s a lot of logistics.”

“If this is what you want, I’m happy for you.”

“Please,” Emma laughs, her eyes glancing to him in a way that he knows is her telling him she’s been aware he’s been creepily lurking in the archway, “don’t you at all pretend that you’re not thrilled that Killian’s going to be around more. I know he’s your favorite of my boyfriends that I keep toting around on each arm.”

The cheeky little minx that is his girlfriend.

“He’s in the room, isn’t he?”

“I knew you loved me, Dave,” Killian chuckles, walking further in with Leo who’s been surprisingly quiet this entire time. Obviously, his bud is meant to be an eavesdropper too. “I was thinking about buying the house right next door to here. We can even connect the houses if you want. That way I can visit you at night so we can have a cup of tea and chat all about our preferences for running shoes.”

“You’re obnoxious.”

“But you love me, right Leo? Does your daddy love me?”

“Yeah, Daddy loves Killy.”

“For f – ”

“Oh boy,” Emma smiles, shaking her head from side to side with the most precious smile tugging at her lips. “Babe, you’re going to make David curse in front of his kid. I suggest you don’t make his anxiety heighten by threatening to move in with him.”

“Not a threat, love,” he explains as he puts Leo down on the ground so he can play with some of his toys. “Just a very good offer to be roommates with the Nolans. Wouldn’t you like to do that?”

“There is literally no good way for me to answer that.”

He winks. “Exactly. So where’s Mary Margaret?”

“She and Brody are sleeping,” David explains as they all finally sit down, the couch moving under he and Emma’s weight. “They had a late night last night, so I hope she’s getting some sleep now. If she knew you guys were here, though, she’d be down here in a second, sleep deprivation not at all a worry, especially because you guys are apparently moving in together. She’d be all over that.”

“She’s far too invested in my life,” Emma jokes as her fingers start messing with the hair at the nape of his neck, shivers running down his spine with every delicate touch. God, she’s good at playing with his hair. She does this thing with her finger and damn, it’s amazing. She also does this thing with her tongue…but now is not the time for him to think about that. He’s obviously got to get his mind out of the gutter. “But she should definitely sleep. Is it about the same as with Leo?”

David shrugs while he wipes the sleep away from his eyes. “It’s different because we’re not as clueless and also have two kids to manage, but mostly it’s different because Brody is not at all as calm. It’s kind of like night and day, but we’ll figure it out. I think she’s honestly more stressed about us not having everything done because we’d put a few things off. He showed up a bit early to the party.”

“We can help, you know? That’s why we’re here. I didn’t buy you food just because I wanted to eat.”

“You ate a cereal bar on the way here,” Emma teases, and he twists his head to look at her and the same playful glint she had in her eyes earlier. He can’t stop thinking about how Emma was talking about how she wants a future with him without any hesitation in her voice. He knows that she wants it, knows that she loves him, but something about hearing her tell David about it has calmed him about this transition they’re about to make.

He was already calm. He’s just…he’s happy. Content.

“That was supposed to be a secret.”

“I’ve never been very good at keeping those.”

“Really now? Because unless you’re being weird and channeling Mary Margaret, I don’t think that’s true. Though, I’m kind of conflicted on whether or not I want you to be a good liar.”

“You probably don’t, KJ. Also, props on joking about Mary Margaret when David is right there.”

Emma raises her hand to give him a high five, and he laughs as he slaps her palm before interlacing their fingers and bringing her wrist to his so he can brush a kiss there.

“You come into my home, you steal my child away from me, you make fun of my wife, and worst of all, you eat my cereal bars.”

“It’s a hard knock life for you, Dave. Sorry about that.”

“You’re most definitely not.”

“You’ll never know because I’m a much better liar than Emma.”

“Hey,’ she groans, slapping his head instead of playing with his hair, “we just talked about how that was not a good thing.”

“For you. I said nothing about me.”

“Asshole.”

“Language.”

“David.”

The three of them spend the rest of the evening talking about everything from baseball to the apartments and houses they’ve looked at, David offering to let them know if he sees anything they might like, before Emma offers to go heat up one of the casserole dishes so that they can eat dinner. Mary Margaret eventually comes down with Brody, the little lad as small as can be wrapped up in his pajamas with a hat on his head. He looks just like Leo from what Killian can tell, and when Mary Margaret offers to let him hold Brody, he takes the opportunity, even if holding someone else’s newborn child will never not be terrifying.

Seriously. They’re so small and fragile, and no human being should ever have a self-destruct button on top of their head.

“I’m so happy for you guys,” Mary Margaret sighs as she takes a sip of her water while David and Emma are in the kitchen finishing up dinner. Brody is staring up at him in between his fits of sleeping, and Killian’s pretty sure he’s been running his fingers over the lad’s stomach for the past half hour. It’s weirdly soothing. “I know Emma would die of mortification if I made it out to be a big deal, but this is such a big deal. She trusts you and loves you so much, and it’s a nice thing to see after watching that not happen over and over again.”

He smiles at Mary Margaret, something soft to keep things calm, because when he looks at her, she might as well be radiating out of her skin with excitement and eagerness to talk about it. She and Anna would probably hit it off like mad. Or maybe they’d hate each other. There can likely only be so much positive energy in a single room at one time.

Maybe they’ll have to meet outdoors.

But she’s right. He knows all of the dirty details of Emma’s past like she knows all of his, and them trusting each other and loving each other is a big thing.

“Well, I’m grateful that she’s given me the opportunity to be that kind of partner for her,” he admits, getting up from the couch and carefully placing Brody in his seat on the coffee table. “I was so damn anxious after this weekend because I knew we’d have to make a step like this at some point, and while I’ve never really doubted that Emma wanted to be with me, that’s still terrifying, you know?”

“Absolutely. I haven’t always been an overtired mom with a so-called ‘settled’ life. David and I went through all of that too. We didn’t live across the country from each other, but a relationship is a relationship. Sometimes even the good things are terrifying.”

“You sound like Elsa.”

“Well, I’ve never met her, but I’m pretty much Emma’s Elsa. We’re obligated to give advice even if we have no idea what we’re saying.”

So maybe she’s like Elsa too.

“That’s reassuring.” “That’s life. You guys will be good, and as much as I love my boys, I expect you guys to have a guest room for me so I can take a nap in a kid-free, husband-free space.”

“Of course we can do that, milady,” he laughs before taking a step forward and leaning down to kiss her cheek. “I’ll add it to our list.”

“Good.”

“Though, you might be stuck with Emma’s awful mattress and bedframe, so I’m not sure how much you’ll want to be sleeping over.”

“If I can sleep diagonally, I’ll sleep on a bed of nails.”

-/-

“Okay, you’re weird.”

“Love, this is not weird.”

“It so is,” Emma laughs as they walk past a Starbuck’s at the airport, the line stretching around the ropes and out into the walkway. “Who in the world walks up and down the entire terminal to, and I quote ‘explore the architecture’ instead of sitting down and messing around with their phone?”

He shrugs before wrapping his arm around her shoulder and kissing her cheek underneath her baseball cap, rubbing his scruff into her skin simply so her entire face will scrunch up in the way that he likes. “I do. You see the most interesting things in airports. If you just sit at your gate, you miss so much. I mean, however will you know that you can get a customized Boston Red Sox neck pillow if you’re just waiting for your plane to take off?”

“I’m leaning so much about you today.”

“I don’t really appreciate your teasing tone there, Swan.”

“What?” she laughs, guiding them into a small bookstore. “It’s so true, KJ. You get anxious going through security even though you are a pro at traveling and then after that, you like to explore airports. You’re a fascinating man.”

“You’re too easily entertained. Why are we looking at books?”

“I need something to do on the plane. I’m not sure that ours has movies.”

“It does. I checked.”

“Oh,” she sighs, putting the book she was looking at down and clapping her hands together. “Then there’s no way in hell I’m paying fifteen dollars for a bad romance novel then. Let’s go get some coffee and a donut or something.”

“We ate before we got here.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t eat donuts, KJ,” she says as her eyes roll before she’s walking out of the store with her carry-on trailing behind here.

A woman on a mission for donuts.

Flying with Emma for the first time is definitely an adventure, and they haven’t even made it out of the shops yet. He’s honestly so amused by her all of the time, and he already knows that she’s going to buy a dozen donuts to eat on the plane even if she’ll only eat two of them and give the rest of them away.

Because a stranger giving away donuts while thirty thousand feet in the air is definitely something no one will find the slightest bit sketchy.

Emma doesn’t buy an entire dozen donuts or hand them out on the plane, but she does buy each of them one with their cups of coffee that they finish off while still exploring the terminal. He falls asleep about halfway through the flight, and when he wakes, their pilot is announcing their arrival time. It’s late even with the time change, so he and Emma hurry out of the airport and get back to his house before falling asleep without even bothering to change out of their clothes.

“Are you nervous?” she asks him the next morning as she brushes out her hair while he shaves for the first time in a little over a week, the red in his beard showing through more than usual.

He is a little nervous to tell his family that he’s moving, to talk about all that’s coming up, but he also knows that they likely expect it, especially Elsa. It doesn’t make the blow any less hard, but he does think it may ease it the slightest bit. If anything, he thinks that Will and Robin might take it the hardest, Roland even more so, and the guilt does weigh on him a bit. But this is the right decision. He knows that it is. They’ve talked about it, thought about it, and he wouldn’t be doing this if it’s not what he wanted.

It’ll be a new normal and it’ll take awhile to adjust to things, but he’ll figure it out. They’ll both figure it out. He’s not giving up anything. His life is simply going through another adjustment period. But this one is a good one.

“Aye, a little bit,” he admits, running his razor across his jaw, “but they’ll be fine.”

“They’ll miss you,” Emma sighs, putting her brush down and walking over to him so that she wraps her arms around his stomach and kisses between his shoulder blades before he can feel her nuzzle her face in his skin. “You’ll visit a lot though. I will too. And maybe we can get them to come out to visit us. I think they’d like Boston.”

“We do have a hell of a lot of miles that they can travel with.”

“Trust me, I know. I can cash them in for a bunch of Amazon gift cards, and I’ve resisted the urge.”

“The height of selflessness.”

When they get to Liam’s place for lunch, he and Elsa are standing in the garage going through storage containers, piles of them scattering the floor with their cars sitting in the driveway. It’s an absolute mess. He had no idea that they even had this much stuff out here, and he’s sure that they’ve likely already cleaned out half of it.

“Aren’t you supposed to be cooking, Jones?” he calls out as he slams his door closed. “I was under the impression that you guys were going to be feeding me today.”

“I swear to God, Killian, you better be talking to your brother and not me.”

“Of course I am, lass,” he promises, walking over to Elsa and kissing her cheek in greeting. “I like to impose as much difficulty on my brother as I can.”

“That’s why I love you,” Elsa sighs before he sees her turn her head to look at Emma. “Oh my gosh am I happy to see you,” she squeals, quickly running toward Emma and wrapping her in a hug while he does the same to his brother. “I know it’s been less than a week, but I was worried about you.”

He doesn’t hear the rest of what Emma and Elsa are saying as he talks to Liam, the music that’s playing in the background drowning them out as he focuses on Liam.

“So you’re good?” he asks, squeezing Killian’s shoulder while his eyes scan his face, slanting for a moment before widening so he can see the blue that he always associates with his brother. “You two are good? This isn’t a ‘we’ll still love you both even though Mummy and Daddy aren’t together anymore’ kind of talk?”

He scoffs, rolling his eyes the slightest bit as he shakes his head from side to side. He had talked to Liam a bit about what was going on, if only because he knew Elsa would let some of it slip. And also because his brother is his best friend who is privy to most of his thoughts. “No, it’s not that. It’s actually,” he turns his head to glance over his shoulder at Emma who’s still animatedly talking to Elsa, her hands flying all over the place while her face is brightened by her smile, “kind of the opposite of that.”

“Bloody hell. Are you getting married?”

His heart practically flies up to his throat, constricting his breathing for a moment before it settles back down into its regular resting place. That’s not…he wants to but – later. Later is the time to talk about that. “No, no. We’re not getting married, but we are, um…well – ” He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. He most definitely did not plan on telling Liam standing in his garage with Queen blaring over the speakers. “I’m moving to Boston,” he finally blurts out, the words freeing once they slip past his lips and into the air.

Liam blinks a few times, his lips slightly parting before they close and press into a smile, one that opens up so that Liam’s entire face is full of smile lines before suddenly Killian’s being pulled back into a hug, the warmth that radiates from his brother enveloping him as Liam pats him on the back several times as he whispers in his ear.

“I’m so damn happy for you. That’s – bloody hell, Killian. I can’t believe you’re making this kind of commitment. I can, but God – that’s amazing.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Of course not. I’m going to miss you, and I don’t imagine my wife’s reaction will be quite this happy, but this is a good thing. You deserve it.”

“Thank you,” he murmurs into Liam’s shoulder before pulling back, stepping out of his embrace and reaching up behind his ear so that he can scratch the shell, the urge irresistible. This is going so differently than he thought it would, but he’s not dumb enough to complain or question it. “How do you suppose I tell Elsa?”

“Quickly, like ripping off a band-aid. She’ll lose her mind if you do a big build up.”

“Aye, I know. I just don’t want to shock her.”

“Killian Jones,” Elsa screeches, coming over to him and slapping his shoulder before she places her hands on her hips and stares him down in such a way that it seems like she’s the one who’s half a foot taller, “you’re moving across the country, and you’re just now telling me?”

His eyes dart over her head to Emma who’s standing with her arms crossed over her chest and her bottom lip tugged between her teeth. “I’m sorry,” she mouths, shrugging her shoulders.

Looks like they both had the same willpower to keep their mouths shut.

“What do you mean just now? It’s only been a few days, Els.”

“You should have told me right after you decided. I could have helped.”

“With what?”

“Finding you an apartment or a house, you idiot,” she laughs, pulling him in for a hug that’s much rougher than the one Liam just gave her. Though she be but little, she is fierce. “I’ve never been to Boston, but I have my realtor’s license. I can help. It’s literally what I do for a living.”

“Darling, I know,” he chuckles into her hair before pulling back. “You helped me find my house here, but we’ve only just started looking. I don’t think we need to call in reinforcements just yet.”

“Can you believe he’s moving?” Elsa sighs, looking over to Liam before she pinches his cheeks. She’s literally pinching his cheeks. Maybe they all do need a little space. “Our little baby is growing up so fast.”

“You’re both incredibly obnoxious.”

“It’s just because we love you,” Elsa promises, pressing up on her toes and kissing his cheek where she’s just left it red. “And Emma. We love Emma too.”

“Nice to know I’m not chopped liver or something,” Emma sighs, walking over to stand next to them with the softest, most content smile on her face, “which is a super weird phrase if you think about it.”

“Swan, you’ve got to stop thinking about the origin of phrases.”

“Why? They’re all so weird.”

“You know what else is weird?” Liam questions, pulling out his phone and sliding his finger down so that the music quiets. “We were going to have chopped liver for lunch, so this is a great coincidence.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“Don’t even joke about that.”

“I’m never letting you cook again.”

“I’m obviously kidding,” Liam sighs, leaning down to pick up a box before he hits the button that closes the garage door. “I’ve got a roast cooking, and I’ll even let you guys open a good bottle of wine since we’re celebrating your move.”

“Oh, you’re so generous,” Emma jests as she walks to the door that lets them into the kitchen, patting Liam on the shoulder on her way. “I can’t believe I get to be the recipient to your kindness.”

“You’re being cheeky for someone who’s probably going to need my help learning what to do and not do when living with Killian.”

Emma pauses in the doorway, sticking her head back out from where she’d walked inside the house. She seems to be thinking of something to say, her brows furrowed together, but then her lips are curling into a wicked smile and he sees her wink. She winks about like him, though. It’s so damn obvious when it’s supposed to be subtle. He loves it.

“You say this, but I also have a very big advantage that you never had when it comes to dealing with the clean freak over there.”

“And what’s that, love?”

“When he’s mad at me, I can just have sex with him.”

He’s never seen Liam look so horrified in his life, his eyes blown wide and brows raised while his lips continue to open and close, whatever words he had dying on his tongue.

“Yeah,” Elsa sighs, patting her husband on the shoulder even as he stays frozen, “I always knew that I liked her. She can make you be quiet, and honestly, what more does a girl need?”

Suede at INmusic festival, Zagreb, Croatia, 25 June 2019

It's been 3 weeks since that fantastic night now and I've been back home from Croatia and Slovenia for a week (and I’m busy again...), but - as I promised - I'll be trying to recreate some of the atmosphere and emotions of that HOT night... The night was double special for me, 'cause right before Suede, on the same stage, as if opening for them and setting the mood :), performed iconic Garbage. I was overjoyed to have my favourite female and male singers, Shirley and Brett, share the same stage on the same night! My cousin who I was with has a rare and very useful ability: she can move forward through the crowd gracefully and skillfully enough so as not to disturb people. Whenever people standing in front of her make any moves, back, forth or to the side, she always finds a tiny gap opening for her, squeezes into it and gets in front of them. Nobody ever complains as she hardly touches or pushes anybody doing this. And then she repeats this move again and again, progressing slowly but surely to the front. So my job was just to follow her... When Garbage started we were right at the back of the crowd, and midway through the set we were here - just a metre or so away from the front barrier :))

That was, in fact, a tactic move, too - one thing was to get as close as possible to the stage to see Garbage well, the other - more important - to be strategically positioned to leap to the barrier the moment Garbage has finished and any 2 people from the barrier move away. Which we luckily managed to do! And as it turned out, it was absolutely the only possible way to be able to get onto the barrier for Suede, also because a lot of people who were on the barrier for Garbage, stayed there also for Suede, even if that meant having to hang on the barrier for the entire hour between the 2 gigs. It wasn't really that bad as we could watch Suede's technicians installing Suede's equipment on the stage. And we even had a bonus of seeing Simon some half an hour before the gig started, as he came to the stage to check something with his cute, glitter-pink (!!) drums. We cheered and clapped our hands when we saw him, so he waved back to us, which was lovely. I actually wanted to shout 'Simon' to him, but was too shy to do that - stupid me...

And then, at 11:15 p.m., the lights went out and we could hear the first sounds of As One. Being on the barrier, just a couple of metres away from the stage, even in total darkness we could see our boys emerge one by one, and it was exciting to see Neil count to five for Richard, to let him know when to start. Since we were almost in front of Richard (slightly more centred), we could watch his every move closely. And I did have eye contact with him a couple of times throughout the gig, which was thrilling! :) Shortly afterwards Brett joined them and that was the moment the gig really started. Following As One was Outsiders and at that point we still had right in front of us pro photographers taking photos for the press...

And some of them were still there during We Are The Pigs (on the left in the pic)...

...but by the time of So Young they were all gone!

Next in that string of classics were Metal Mickey, Flashboy and 2 of Us. Brett was being hyperactive all the time, leaping onto the monitors and then off them, throwing himself onto his knees, singing lying or on all fours, and doing his mic tricks - of course! While Brett was swinging his mic, it was funny to watch Richard subconsciously lean a bit to avoid being hit by it, even if he was well out of range of that swinging mic right then :)

And then it was time for Life Is Golden, and Brett finally decided to use the stairs leading down from the stage to the barrier...

When he got down he first turned to his right and went to The Insatiable Ones group who were on the barrier in front of Neil (which I only realized when Brett addressed them from the stage - I couldn't see them from 'our' part of the barrier). After he stayed with them for a while he left them and, all the time singing, started walking along the barrier, touching with his right hand all the hands that the fans were stretching towards him, and doing this he reached the other side of the barrier, passing us by on the way - so yes, that was the first time we had any physical contact with him! :) But that was just a prelude to what was about to happen next... He turned back at the end of the barrier and returned to us!! He jumped onto the metal step that was on the other side of the barrier right in front of us, and, towering over us, was literally next to us then. He stayed the total of 50 seconds with us, 2:42-3.32 on the video below (credits to Andre D. Keaton) . And yes, Life WAS Golden for me then... <333 That left hand (with a silver watch on the wrist) that you can see at the bottom of the picture starting from 2:42, first placed on Brett's waist, and then, having been overlapped by someone else's hand, moving onto his - ahem - bum, is MINE. And mine and my cousin's faces appear a couple of times between 3:15-3:30. too.

As I said, Brett was whole 50 seconds with us, but it actually felt shorter, like 30 sec perhaps - oh well, time flies when you're holding Brett in your arms! :)) And when he jumped off that step I suddenly felt the cord of his mic being wrapped around the back of my neck and realized I had to get rid of it right away or I'd get strangled, lol. That would be quite some death to get accidentally strangled by Brett Anderson during a concert, but since Life Is Golden, I decided to disentangle myself, which can be seen in another vid below (credits to Dragan Bralić). Brett is with us between 1:53-2:43 here, and I remove the cord from my neck in that last second, 2:43. But watch the vid till the end to see what happened next...

Yes, next song was The Drowners, and what Brett did then was just to go round the end of the barrier and get mixed into the crowd!! Just imagine how delighted all those people must have been - well, you can see their faces :) So he was among the fans, all the time singing, for as long as 1:45! (4:00-5:45 on the vid). But what did he do once he got back to the 'correct' side of the barrier?... He returned to US once more, jumped onto that step right in front of us again and stayed with us for another half a minute!! <333 (5:55-6:25 on the vid). OMG, I was half conscious after all that... ;))

While Brett was away in the crowd, Mat took advantage of the empty stage and came to the front, which I loved!

They continued with It Starts And Ends..., Lazy, Sabotage, Can't Get Enough, Trash and Animal Nitrate, and it was just ecstatic... :) Then came the time for Brett's solo acoustic, and partly even acapella, version of The Wild Ones.

Predictably, they finished the main set with The Beautiful Ones. Brett did get down to the barrier twice more for a while, during Lazy and The Beautiful Ones, but on those occasions he approached only the section right in the middle - oh well, you can't have everything, I guess... ;) And after a brief pause they returned for the encore. First, just Brett, Neil and Richard, to play a lovely acoustic version of She's In Fashion, with Neil and Richard on acoustic guitars. Fashion had turned 20 only 4 days earlier, and, to celebrate this, I posted a great acoustic rendition of it on tumblr that day, from a radio session in Amsterdam in 1999. Posting it, little did I know that 4 days later I'd hear LIVE another beautiful, summery, acoustic version of it...

The very last song they played was New Generation, electric and with the whole band again. And that was it, 90 minutes passed like seconds... The moment they disappeared I started counting the time till the day I'll see them again: August the 4th, at OFF Festival in Katowice, Poland - less than 3 weeks away from now... And I'm absolutely determined to be on the barrier then, too!!

So here's the setlist from Zagreb, but they didn't perform The Invisibles after all:

And here's the recording of the whole set - credits to Mo Gruesomm whom I am infinitely grateful to for recording this. Please don't be put off by not the best quality of the picture, especially at the beginning. It gets better later on, and the whole recording does convey the excitement and emotions of that amazing night, and is definitely worth watching from start to finish.

Note: All the photos are mine, of course, which is pretty obvious taking their hopeless technical quality... :( It was partly my crappy Samsung phone, but also, I was just more into enjoying myself than bothering about taking photos. Sorry, but I could hardly think of it while holding Brett or watching him singing, jumping and wallowing onstage mere metres away from me... :))

@sauveandelegant, @shabbydoll I’m tagging you ‘cause I know you’ll be interested to read this... :)

platonic

word count: 3,500

summary: dean doesn’t think he’s ready for a relationship, but that doesn’t mean he likes you flirting with anyone else. and you know exactly how to hit him where it hurts... good things there’s two winchesters

jealous dean. so. much. jealous. dean. this is fairly angsty, and set in one of the earlier seasons :) enjoy!

all my works || request imagines here

There were three sets of eyes on you, each one of them burning a different feeling into your skin. 

Sam’s eyes were on your back, and you knew exactly what he was watching for. Any sign of danger and he’d have his gun drawn in a moment, ready to take whatever it was down. He could probably make it across the tiny bar in three strides, and it put your mind at ease.

The second pair of eyes were, undoubtedly, on your boobs. The guy you were talking to had definitely given you his name, but you hadn’t bothered to commit it to memory. He hadn’t given up the information you were jonesing for yet, which meant you were going to put up with his googly eyes for a few more minutes, and pretend like you hadn’t seen him scratch his number down on the napkin. 

The third set were the ones you were most focused on. Dean was watching you like a hawk... and you were using every bit of his attention to your advantage.

You’d been purposely pushing his buttons since your slightly tipsy conversation with him last week. The two of you had been skirting around each other ever since you had started hunting consistently with the boys. You’d shared a few drunken kisses, held hands in the front seat of the impala on road trips. Nothing serious. 

But you were ready to make it just that. And when you’d brought up taking it the next level, making it ‘official’, Dean had locked up immediately. 

“We don’t need to put a label on it sweetheart. Just two friends havin’ fun, you know, in a platonic way,” he’d said, sipping at his beer. 

And you weren’t sure why, but those words had made you angrier at Dean than you thought possible. Perhaps it was because in every sense of the word besides actually calling you his girlfriend, he expected you to act like one. No flirting with other guys, always sharing a bed with him in the double motels rooms. He’d call you honey after his third beer without fail. And you were so invested in him it wasn’t even funny; if you didn’t know better, you’d say you loved the man. His words had hurt you more than they’d angered you, if you were honest. 

But if he wanted it to be platonic, you’d show him platonic all right. 

You’d missed the last three sentences the man in front of you had said, and you could tell he was getting a bit nervous, rambling on trying to remedy it. You seized the opportunity, reaching out and tracing a finger along his jawline; it wasn’t nearly as sharp as Dean’s. You could picture him behind you at the table, fist and jaw clenched equally tight, and you grinned at the thought. 

“So you didn’t see anything weird on Sunday night? In the alley between West Jefferson and Main?” 

“N-No ma’am.”

“What a shame, I was really hoping someone had seen my friend, she left the bar around 11:30,” you probed again, bringing your finger down the side of his neck and toying with the collar of his shirt. You saw him gulp down a swallow, which only spurred you on. 

“Well um, the, I know the guy who runs the mini-mart on the other side of the street! Maybe he saw your friend. I could give you his number, or-or his address!”

He was so eager to help you almost felt bad for using him. Almost.

“Why don’t you write those down for me,” you murmured, leaning in close to his ear. You could see Sam and Dean out of the corner of your eye from that new angle. Dean’s knuckles were white against the table where he was grabbing it. Mission accomplished it seemed. 

“O-Okay,” the man stammered. You watched his shaky hand scribble the owner’s info under his own number on the bar napkin. You offered him a smile as he handed it to you. A thought fluttered in your mind; the man had given you a possible witness in a dead-end case, and he’d served your need of making Dean jealous. You could repay him a bit. 

So you leaned over and pressed a quick, innocent kiss to his lips. You pulled back before he could get too excited, swiping the bit of lipstick you’d left on his lip off with your thumb. His eyes were as wide as saucers.

“Thanks again for your help Harry.”

He looked like he would faint, but he managed to stutter out “it’s uh, Henry” as you turned and walked away, napkin in hand. Sam had a look of slight admiration on his face, and Dean looked like he was about to blow as gasket. 

Definitely mission accomplished. Point 1 to you. 

“I got an address, I think we should go give our possible witness a visit.” You went to pass the napkin to Dean, but pulled it back.

“Oh wait, let me just put this in my phone real quick,” you pretended to be a bit sheepish, pulling out your phone and typing in the top number under a new contact. 

“You gettin’ directions?” Sam asked, standing up from the table and putting his suit jacket back on. 

“No, just uh... putting in a number, for possible future use, if you know what I mean.” 

You turned and passed the note to Dean, putting on your best innocent face. He was fuming.

“My lipstick isn’t smeared, is it?” You asked, feigning innocence.

“No, it looks fine. Didn’t know it took saliva exchange to get an address these days,” he grumbled, tucking the paper into his suit pocket. 

“Alright Mr. double standards. I’m allowed to have fun once in a while.” 

You raised an eyebrow, daring him to challenge you. Instead he just grumbled under his breath, fishing the Impala’s keys out of his pocket as the three of you headed for the parking lot.

“I think we can officially call this one a bust. She just died, nothing fishy about it,” Dean sighed, tossing the file back onto the motel table and running a finger over his eyes.

“Agreed,” Sam murmured, closing his laptop. You folded the newspaper back up, adding it to the pile of paper you’d be throwing away when you left. 

“We’ve got the room for the night, might as well just crash and get as much sleep as we can. We’ll hit the road in the morning.” 

“I call first shower,” Sam said, standing up and heading for his bag, carrying it into the bathroom with him. You waited until the water had been running for a few minutes to pull out your phone. Thumbing through your contacts, you found a friend that you could text. Not that Dean needed to know that.

He made it until the third message buzzed through before he asked.

“Whose blowin’ up your phone over there?” He tried to stay casual, but the venom in his tone seeped through his facade.

“Somebody.”

“Wow, paint me a picture why don’t you Y/N.” 

“It’s just that guy from the bar. He wants to know if I’m up for another round.” The lie slipped easily off your tongue. You hadn’t even saved the dude’s number.

“How the hell did he get your number?”

“Oh, I gave it to him. Figured if he wanted something from me, he was going to have to commit, and make the first move.”

He caught on immediately, rolling his eyes at you. 

“Are you kidding me? Is that what that stunt in the bar was about? You’re pissed at me over that?”

“Wow, paint me a picture Dean. You’re gonna have to be more specific, you do a lot of things that could piss me off,” you mocked him a bit, raising your eyes from your phone. You were being petty, and you knew it, but the hurt you’d felt at his words kept you going.

“This is all because I said I didn’t want to make things official, isn’t it? Wow. Didn’t realize you needed someone to call boyfriend so badly Y/N.” The water shut off, leaving the room in weighted silence, his words hanging in the air. 

His defenses were going up, as you expected, and he was lashing out in the only way he knew how. You were tempted to stop, to just let it go. But at the same time, you were done putting up with it. Something had to change, one way or another. 

“That is so not the point Dean.” You tried to keep your voice steady, but it was wavering, emotions threatening to break through.  

“Then enlighten me.”

“You don’t get to just have me when you want me, okay!? That’s the fucking point! I can’t do this casual ‘platonic’ shit anymore, I care about you too much. You’re either in or you’re out with me, and if you can’t handle that then you just need to tell me, cause I’m done.”

“What do you mean you’re ‘done’? What, if I don’t start calling you honey you’re just gonna ditch?” 

The rage that filled you had you burning to your fingertips.

“Did you listen to a word that I just said?”

He didn’t answer, just waited for you to continue.

“Fine. Whatever Dean. You wanna keep things casual? Fine.” 

You had timed things just right, having snatched everything you needed out of your bag by the time Sam opened the bathroom door. You pushed past him into the overly-hot room, slamming the door and locking it. 

It took you a moment to get yourself together again. Why did he have to be such a dick sometimes? Half the time, you weren’t sure why you put in the effort at all. 

But images of his smile danced across your mind, and you remembered exactly who the real Dean - your Dean - was. He was the guy who made you your coffee in the morning without you having to ask, who carried your bags for you. The guy who stitched your wounds and gave you the curliest curly fry even though you knew he wanted it. 

You just didn’t understand why he couldn’t be that way all the time. Why he fought his feelings so hard. Because he did have feelings for you... right?

The familiar pit of insecurity began to form in your stomach, making you feel nauseous. Maybe he didn’t feel that way about you at all, and that was why he was fighting it so hard. Which would mean you’d just made a complete fool of yourself out there.

Shit.

You stripped down and showered quickly, trying to let the water wash away the feeling of dread that had settled over you. It didn’t work, and you weren’t surprised. It was going to take a lot more than lukewarm water to settle your nerves. 

You stalled once you were out, not wanting to go back out and face Dean. You couldn’t go back out there after being so confident, only to falter now. He was going to have to make a decision one way or another - it was the only way you could settle your fears. And somewhere, deep down, you knew he felt the same way about you. He had to, or you weren’t sure you could take it. You just had to get him to admit it. 

You just had to hit him where it hurt. 

So you set your plan in motion, reaching into Sam’s bag; he’d left it on the counter when you’d rushed him out. You found one of his old soft t-shirts, sliding it over your head before putting on the underwear and shorts you’d brought in with you. You towel dried your hair until it was done dripping before taking a deep breath and leaving the room. 

The boys were both in their beds; Sam sprawled out in the middle of his, while Dean was on one side, leaving space for you like he always did. You didn’t look at him when you approached Sam’s bed.

“Scootch,” you muttered, nudging the bed with your knee. Sam looked up at you from his book, confusion written all over his face.

“Huh?”

“You heard me, you always get a bed to yourself. Time to switch up the friendly arrangement. Now scootch.”

Sam didn’t ask any questions, though he definitely noticed the unwarranted death glare he got from his brother as he wiggled his way to the other side of the bed. You climbed under the covers, putting your back towards Dean and curling up on your side, willing yourself to sleep. 

Dean’s gaze was burning into your back again and you heard him get up and head for his shower. He never showered at night... it was working. 

As soon as the water turned on, Sam angled towards you.

“You wanna fill me in on the argument you just put me in the middle of?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

You felt immediately guilty. Using Sam was different, because you actually cared about the guy.

“Dean’s being a dick, so I’m just trying to piss him off.” 

“And I’m involved in that how exactly?”

“Best way to make Dean mad is to make him jealous, you know that.” 

That seemed to make it click with the younger Winchester, who just smiled.

“This is about him not wanting to officially date, isn’t it?” 

“He told you about that?!” You exclaimed, sitting up a bit. 

“Of course he did, he thought you were gonna leave you were so mad, he was freakin out!”

“I’m not gonna leave.”

“He doesn’t know that, he’s more accustom to people leaving than people staying.” 

Ouch. That one cut deep. 

“I’m not trying to hurt him. I’m just trying to get him to admit what he feels. He said that what he have is platonic, but I know there’s more there. At least, I think that there is.” I hope that there is.

“If you’re questioning whether or not he has feelings for you, don’t. He likes you, he’s just... well, he’s just Dean. He needs a push.” 

“Like me choosing to sleep in his brother’s bed instead of his kind of push?” You quirked an eyebrow, grinning. The dread inside you had settled at Sam’s words, and you were back to having a bit of fun.

“Why must you involve me in your devious plans?” 

“Because you love me,” you teased, poking his arm. It was true that you and Sam had become fast friends, and there really wasn’t anything you wouldn’t do for each other, even if it meant incurring the wrath of Dean.

“Fine. But if you steal the covers I’m booting you out,” he grumbled, flicking off the lamp and putting his book on the nightstand. He wiggled under the covers next to you, settling down to sleep.

It was three am, and something was moving. Your eyes shot open as a heavy weight was moved off of you. It took you a moment in the darkness to realize that is was Sam’s arm being removed from where he had slung it over you in his sleep.

Two familiar arms slid underneath you, lifting you out of the bed. If he hadn’t been so warm you would have protested leaving your spot under the covers. 

“What’re you doin’?” You slurred, voice thick with sleep.

“Puttin’ you back where you belong,” Dean answered, pulling back the covers before laying you down in his bed and climbing in beside you. The sheets were cold and you grimaced, curling back up to him, seeking warmth. He didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, holding you close to him.

“I have conditions,” you murmured, pressing your cold nose up to his neck - February in Indiana was no joke, and the motel’s heating was lack luster at best. 

“Conditions on what?” He said, running a hand through your damp hair. His hands moved down your back, grabbing your hips and pulling you on top of him. 

“Us sleeping in the same bed,” you said, eyes still closed. If you were honest, you didn’t want to move an inch from where you were, but you were just stubborn enough to do it if you needed to.

“Do tell.”

“I get to be your girlfriend, for starters.”

“Okay. What else.”

That woke you up.

“Wait. Did you hear me?” You asked, sitting up a bit. His eyes were bright, lit up by the neon sign light trickling in through the curtains. 

“Yeah. Girlfriend. I hear yah. What else?” His voice was so casual that you weren’t sure you weren’t dreaming. 

“You’re serious? What changed your mind?” 

He reached up to cup your cheek with his hand; you rested your head there, letting the weight settle in his palm.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to Y/N. I just don’t have the best history with relationships, you know? So I wanted to keep you at arms length, because that’s how I keep from gettin’ hurt. But you’re different. You’ve always been different, and I was stupid to wait until you were at your breakin’ point with me to see that.”

“Really?” You couldn’t contain your excitement, and the spike in your voice almost woke up Sam, who groaned and rolled over in his sleep.

“Yeah, really sweetheart. You gave me an option - in or out. I choose in, all in, if the offer still stands.”

“Of course it does,” you smiled, wiggling up his body to kiss him. It was different than your past kisses - no faint buzz of liquor numbing your lips. You could feel every bit of it and it was glorious. 

“You never told me what else,” he whispered, lips moving down to your neck, pressing harder kisses there. You felt the scrape of his teeth, making you shudder.

“What?”

“Conditions,” he said into your skin.

“Oh. Um, well... I wanna ride up front more in Baby.” 

“And why is that sweetheart?” His voice was so smooth you felt like you were being put in a trance, no control over your words anymore.

“You look hot when you drive,” you admitted, blush warming your cheeks. He chuckled, nipping at your skin. 

“That can be arranged. What else?” He pressed.

“No hickeys,” you whispered, though you couldn’t bring yourself to ask him to stop what he was doing.

“Deal breaker,” he said slowly, resting his lips against your skin.

“Okay, no visible hickeys,” you countered.

“That I can agree to,” he smirked, hooking a finger in the collar of your shirt and easing it down so he could get to your collarbone, set on leaving tiny marks there. 

You let him do his work, ignoring the fact that you could feel him hardening underneath you. You weren’t up for that tonight, and Sam was only a few feet away anyhow. 

You were so relaxed that you were pretty sure you could have fallen asleep right then and there if the adrenaline hadn’t been buzzing through your veins. 

He finally stopped, seemingly satisfied with whatever he had accomplished. You were sure you’d be blushing bright red when you saw it in the morning. 

“Can I put in a condition?” He mused, holding you to him as he sat up. You rested on his lap, completely content. 

“Of course.”

“How about the first night we spend in bed as a couple you aren’t in my brother’s shirt.” His fingers bunched up the fabric where it rested on your hips. 

“That can be arranged,” you grinned. He looked up at you and you nodded as he started to lift the shirt up, pulling it over your head. 

His eyes raked over your bare torso, soaking it all in. He’d never seen this much of you before.

“Beautiful,” he whispered, and you weren’t sure he even realized he said it out loud. 

You shivered, half from his words and half from the chill in the room. 

“Cold?”

“A little.” You admitted, blushing bright red. 

“Here,” he said, reaching behind himself and grabbing the back of his shirt, pulling it off in one tug. Before you could say anything he had pulled it down over your head, helping to guide your arms into the holes. It smelled like him, and the warmth he’d left on it soaked into you, relaxing you even more. 

“Now you’re gonna be cold,” you pouted, tracing a finger over his bare chest. 

“Nah honey, I’ll be fine. You’re practically a space heater. C’mere.” He coaxed you down onto him again, and you wiggled until you were comfortable, legs intertwined with his under the covers. You let out a yawn and he chuckled, pressing a kiss to your hair.

“Get some sleep beautiful. You can ride up front tomorrow, since apparently I’m hot when I drive.” 

“So hot,” you muttered, cuddling up to him even closer as you started to drift off. You weren’t sure if you imagined it or not, but you could have sworn you heard three little words fall from his lips, but you were too far gone to ask him. All you knew is you felt the same. 

leave me feedback?? ill love you forever

Letter to Naya re Her Entry Into This World

You were born on June 24, 2019; four days past your due date but right on time from my perspective. You came on a Monday and gave me and your dad one last weekend to relish (though I think the most exciting thing we did was watch a movie). I don’t know if I should tell you this but before you were born, I wanted you to stay inside for as long as possible. You gave me no discomfort from the womb. In fact, my belly was small enough that even nurses said I looked 6 months pregnant instead of the 9 that I really was. You gave me no heartburn, no constipation, no major aches and no stretch marks. My fingers got swollen and a nice thick double chin grew in but I don't know if I can really blame those things on you - I gained 40 pounds through my own hard work. Other than the nightly hiccups and kicks in my gut, we (your dad and I) were all comfortable with your then-present living arrangement.

On June 23, I started feeling cramps but they went away after a few hours. I never even woke your dad up. I just endured the painful ones from bed and then got up to eat a mango. That seemed to appease you because the contractions died down after that and I went back to sleep at around 3 am. The day passed by without any issues but at 11 pm the contractions came back. They got stronger and stronger so I woke your dad up around midnight. I’d scared him a few times before as a joke so I don’t know if he realized it was actually go time but I showed him the contractions calculator and then he freaked out. He started packing things up getting ready to go but I knew this process could take a while so I got my work affairs in order and put my out of office message up. Your dad was not pleased with me. You’ll learn this soon enough about your dad but when he’s in a mood there is no reasoning with him. He gets into a zone and you just have to let him ride it out. So I put my things away and got ready to go to the hospital as well. I told him we were leaving too early but away we went, at his insistence.

We got to the hospital at 2 am and when the doctor checked my cervix, I was 3 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced. This will mean nothing to you until you have a child of your own but the hospital’s policy is to admit women only once they are 4.5 centimeters. I was given 3 options: (1) walk around the hospital floor for a few hours and check if I’ve progressed afterwards, (2) go home and come back if my contractions get closer together or (3) get pain medication and go home. I opted for number one so your dad and I walked around the fourth floor of the Kaiser hospital on Sunset from around 2 am to 4 am. I’m not entirely sure how to describe contractions. I want to say it’s like a stabbing pain but that’s not quite right because it’s all over your stomach. I wish I could describe it better but it appears I’ve already forgotten the precise sensation. It overtakes you at first but somehow I was able to endure it and after a while they felt tolerable. To speed up the process we did squats and talked about how strange this whole thing was; that your dad and I were about to enter into parenthood. I’m thankful we were there at such an odd time, without people everywhere, because I was farting all over the place and just could not hold it in. They were both noisy and smelly. Right before going back in to see how far dilated I was, I also pooped. Sitting on the toilet and pushing poop out while also feeling contractions was quite a journey. It felt impossible for a second but I conquered it. I was both glad that I was getting cleaned out and embarrassed that the doctor would be checking me immediately after a dump. Such is the business of giving birth: it’s messy. Trying to thoroughly clean myself, again, while feeling contractions, was another challenge. There’s a theme here.

Afterwards we went back in and I was exactly 4.5 cm dilated (though a part of me suspects that the doctor just had sympathy on us and admitted us out of pity). Once we were officially admitted, they asked me if I wanted to get the epidural then but I said I’d wait and walk around a bit more to keep the process going. We started walking again and I immediately regretted my decision. Once offered pain relief, each contraction felt unnecessary so the roaring, rolling pain became intolerable. Instead of walking for an hour like I had hoped, we walked for 30 minutes and called it quits. It was around 5:20 am and your dad and I were both exhausted. We went back and requested the epidural and ice water. The doctor who administered the epidural was an Indian woman with a British accent and she came in like a true veteran. She was there for business - no pleasantries were exchanged and it was perfect. She moved swiftly and was out within 5 minutes flat. She was there for such a short period of time but she left a big impression on me. I wish i caught her name so that I could request her again for the next time (assuming you’re going to have a sibling). The epidural felt like a drink of cold water for my entire body. Once the epidural numbed the contractions, your dad and I slept for the majority of the day. Your grandma came and went, leaving us to sleep and to run a few errands for herself, particularly since I stopped progressing and I had to be administered pitocin to encourage the contractions to keep going. I don’t know if it was because of all the medication but even though I hadn’t eaten in almost twenty four hours I had no appetite. I was cruising, letting my body absorb the cold epidural that was administered hourly. Throughout the day a sweet and soothing white nurse was assisting us, bringing us ice water and just being a calm angelic presence in the midst of everything. She left us alone for the majority of the day to just catch up on rest.

Finally, and suddenly, at 4:30 pm, the doctor confirmed that I was 10 centimeters dilated and the time to push had come. He noted that pushing would commence at 5 pm. While we waited to push, a Korean nurse with a thick accent and blunt demeanor took over. She received several personal calls and would leave the room to talk to the caller in Korean. There was one occasion where her and another nurse snapped at each other. Needless to say it seemed that it wasn’t just us that weren’t fans of her. I wasn’t sure what caused the switch but it looked like we were stuck with her and her alone. Unlike my assumptions about the process, instead of having a whole team of medical professionals in the room with us, only the Korean nurse was in the room with us, guiding us through the miraculous process of bringing life into this world; and her instructions to me were to “push.” Your grandma was on the right side of my body and your dad was on the left side trying to guide me in breathing exercises. Your grandma lifted up my right leg and your dad was trying to stay near my head so he wouldn't see my nether regions. That was the plan all along. As I began to push however, the nurse informed me that I wasn’t pushing correctly and that I needed to push better. Very helpful instructions. I knew what she meant though; all the pressure from my pushing was unfocused and diffused itself throughout my body. I was pushing with all of my might but it was useless if I couldn’t aim it appropriately. It was sort of like studying for a test but reading the wrong chapter. Grandma was already holding onto one of my legs but I asked her to put her palm against my foot so that I had something to push against. It helped immensely.

I asked Jason to do the same with my left leg. I could sense his hesitation but he did it; he really had no other option. Inevitably, he saw the gory mess I presumed my vagina had become. And, he cried. The nurse saw him and bluntly asked “why are you crying?!” He fumbled between tears, saying he hated to see me struggling and going through so much pain. Incredulous, the nurse then asked me “are you in pain?” I really wanted to tell her to shut up but instead I explained that while I couldn’t feel the contractions, I could feel pressure down there and I could feel waves of something. Once your dad and grandma applied pressure to the palms of my feet I was finally able to get into the hang of pushing and the nurse (whose name was Boedul) seemed pleased with my results. She told me I was doing a good job pushing. She asked if I wanted to see what was going on with a mirror. My mind was telling me no but my mouth said yes so she brought out a small mirror and I saw that which was formerly known as my vagina. As I pushed, hairy blackness appeared. Genuinely confused, I asked if that was you or me. It was you. I expected you to be bald so it was a complete shock to see so much thick black hair. At first I thought my pubes has gotten seriously out of control.

When I stopped pushing, the blackness disappeared. Even when I could see it, it was only a sliver of your head. Discouraged, I said in exasperation, “this is impossible!” But Boedul assured me again I was pushing well and she predicted that we would be pushing for another 20 minutes or so, 30 maximum. I couldn’t fathom how a whole head (I wasn’t even going to think about the body) could fit out of there that quickly. It genuinely seemed like an impossible task. Around this time, Boedul raised stirrups so that I could use it to push. I stared at her, incredulous that she was holding out on me. She must have sensed my anger because, unprompted, she explained that she didn’t raise them earlier because then it would be too tiring, which made no sense to me. After the whole process your dad and I had a moral dilemma as to whether we should call her out in the survey they send asking about our experience and anyone we interacted with in particular but in the end we decided to be cool and not say anything. Back to pushing, shortly after using the forceps, and making a lot of progress, a team of doctors and nurses came rushing in. Perhaps for the best they moved the mirror away so that the doctor could place herself in front of my vagina and guide the baby out. They said we’d be doing a few pushes together and I’d have to hold the push when they told me. We did maybe three of these guided pushes and all of a sudden your head was out. I couldn’t believe it; my job was done and I relaxed, ready to pack it up. But the doctor said I had to keep pushing to get your body out. I made one feeble push and the rest of you seemed to slip right out.

I don’t know if it was because of the medication or the adrenaline that was pumping in me but I didn’t cry or feel much of anything. I saw them take you to a station nearby to clean you up. I just observed everything, without fully feeling anything. I was neither happy nor sad. I just watched everything going on around me. I was surprised by how big you were. Given my belly size i thought you’d be small but at 21 inches you seemed like a full grown baby (not a newborn). They placed you on my chest and even then all I could do was observe the strange creature you were then wriggling on my chest. I won’t go into the details of what happened next (long story short, Eileen and your paternal grandmother and Jordan came to visit and your dad yelled at them for coming in during the golden hour - he was definitely hyped and still trying to process everything himself so he was a little jumpy and made Eileen cry; also your maternal grandma and Jason were hovering over you after they took you off my chest to get examined, but a particularly high level of hovering came from your maternal grandma I will say).

It wasn’t until about 24 hours later that I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions. Everyone was gone and your dad was sleeping on the pull out couch in the hospital room. You were laying in the plastic bin that hospitals use as a bassinet, next to my bed. Even though the room was dark, I stared at you, thinking about how perfect and wonderful you were and how thankful I was to God and the universe for allowing me to birth a healthy baby. I teared up as the feelings of love and gratitude filled me.

You’re almost a month old now and I love you so much more now than I did then. I even love it when you cry intensely and inconsolably; everything you do is so precious. Sometimes I just want to stare at you crying (but don’t worry I don’t do it… for too long). You make a duck face and stretch out when you wake up and after you eat. You grunt and cry for nipple, sometimes even when it’s already in your mouth. You’re getting more alert but also startled more. I know there will be (many) days where you’ll aggravate me (like last night when you wouldn’t sleep in your bassinet no matter how many times you fell asleep on my nipple) and I just won’t like you but for now I love you and everything you do, everything you don’t do and every sound that comes out of you.

Naruto Fanfic - Boruto: Sacrifices - Chap.29, Replenished Hopes

IMPORTANT: It would be very very appreciated if you reblogged it and left a comment. We get lots of likes/favs but almost no comments, so please everyone, leave a comment, it encourages us to continue.

We’re one chapter away from the end!

Written by my friend @mirage-05

Cover by @eleanor-devil

prologue, chap.1, chap.2, chap.3, chap.4, chap.5, chap.6, chap.7, chap.8, chap.9, chap.10, chap.11, chap.12, chap.13, chap.14, chap.15, chap.16, chap.17, chap.18, chap.19, chap.20, chap.21, chap.22, chap.23, chap.24, chap.25, chap.26, chap.27, chap.28, chap.29, chap.30

For more Boruto: Sacrifices stuff, click on this link

Chapter 29 - Replenished Hopes

Time was moving slow and steady... healing anything and everything it could. Being allowed this second chance, Mitsuki was savoring every minute of it, spending it with his friends, with his family... After he came home, Karin especially didn't want to leave immediately, despite the fact that staying in Konoha was becoming too much for them. But the woman didn't care about such trivial things because... His birthday was fast approaching. It still all felt like a blur, the day they celebrated Himawari's, and he had once again been invited to the Uzumaki household by an overly excited Boruto. Mitsuki couldn't help but smile when he thought about what his best friend could possibly coop up - he had learned from Sarada the full details about the blond's birthday, after all. He had the feeling that these birthdays will become a competition between him and Boruto. Two days before that arrangement, though, Karin took it upon herself to prepare a celebratory dinner (complete with the cake and everything) - both for him making through a very hard time and his special day. Being practically reborn, Mitsuki was glad for this opportunity with his family... because they were to leave town the following morning. That cast a gloom over all of them, no matter how light-hearted the setting was. That was another thing. Something was bothering the young boy, especially when he looked at his father and older brother. Not that he wasn't used to them being antagonistic towards each other... but that, he realized, was precisely the thing. That night, they seemed to be almost... ignorant of each other, and the coldness between them was almost palpable, like the room was coated in ice.

Mitsuki found himself honestly wishing that they would start bickering again, even on this day. But none offered the other an opportunity. It was like whatever that fueled their already edgy relationship was gone... and it actually bothered the boy more than seeing their animosity towards each other.

Not that Log leaving as soon as the dinner was done did any good. "Happy birthday, little brother," he said with a smile in place that he only reserved for him. "Make sure you don't give us a scare like this on your next one." He reached to ruffle his hair like he used to do when Mitsuki was younger, causing him to deftly duck away. "I'll keep in mind," the younger boy confirmed with a smile of his own, but soon he was serious once again. "Log... about father-" Log put up his hand to intervene. "Let's not go there. I don't want to dampen our mood." Mitsuki had a little frown in his features, which made the older brother snicker. "Don't feel so bad about it, Mitsuki. It's not like me and Orochimaru had a rosy past as it is." "Yeah, but it never quite came to this point..." "Eh, well. Things like these eventually come down one way or another." The younger boy still didn't look too happy with it. "Hey, I told you, stop worrying about it. And who knows, I might be seeing you a lot more often in the near future." "What's that even mean?" asked Mitsuki, baffled. "You'll find out soon," Log turned away, raising his hand in farewell. "Until then." And he started walking away into the night, leaving an appalled Mitsuki behind. ... He couldn't explain exactly why... but the departure of his family the following day was even harder. Even though he was unconscious or in the hospital most of the time here... the boy was feeling that their presence here was empowering in and on itself. He didn't exactly feel like he was ready to see them go. "We would stay if we could," Juugo tried to explain, an almost apologetic expression on his face. "But we're already putting Konoha's hospitality to a test." "Although thanks to your feat we did gain some ground in the village." Suigetsu said cheerfully, before clipping Mitsuki on the back, making the boy glad that his ribs had long since healed. "Way to go kid!" This, in turn, earned the Hozuki a smack up his head by Karin. "Do you even realize how obnoxious that sounds?!" Not waiting for a reply, the redhead turned to the boy and gave him a warm and almost crushing hug, as best as she could. "Do take care of yourself, Mitsuki, and stay out of trouble... I can't stand the thought of something happening to you, and besides..." there were tears in her eyes as she stepped back and put a hand on her huge belly, softly smiling. "I'd love to have you around to meet Miu, y'know..." Her motherly tone had made Mitsuki tear up too, but he couldn't help a small laugh when he heard her words. "So you guys finally decided on a name?" "Yep." Karin's smile was as bright as the sun. "I just realized that was a name I always wanted for my daughter." "It sounds beautiful," he reassured her, not that it would have mattered. "It means feathers, right?" "It does," Suigetsu said pridefully. "Feathers on a demon lantern..." The boy kept his smile as he shook his head, finding it somehow astounding that these two were in such harmony when it comes to their child. And then it was his father's turn... Mitsuki stared up at him for only a moment before striding forward for a hug, finding it much easier to do nowadays. "Thank you..." he whispered. "Thank you for being here... for giving me the chance to start healing... truly." "I never thought that would be something I was capable of," the sannin said, in a quiet but also soft tone that Mitsuki came to believe was only reserved for him. "Bringing the best out of me... as best as it could be of course... you accomplished no small feat, child." The boy smiled softly to himself, finally, years and years later... finding something in his soul that resonated with his father's. That realization, however... didn't come without an afterthought. "I meant to ask..." he slowly pushed himself away from his father, to have a better look in his eyes. "What happened to Log? Or rather... what will...?" The look in his father's eyes hardened for a moment, though it was so fleeting that the boy could easily think that he had imagined it, more so when he heard the impartial tone of his voice soon after. "I don't know what is going on through his mind... and I intend not to push it further. If he's not coming back with us... that's his decision." Mitsuki waited for a bit for him to elaborate. "That's it?" he asked incredulously when the man didn't. "You... you don't mind him going off on his own?" "I don't deny him his free will." was Orochimaru's curt reply, leaving Mitsuki trying to decipher whether he was as impassive as he let it shown. It seemed cold even for the sannin, especially after their own relationship took a turn for the better. What was it that was different with Log...? "Another thing is..." All traces of the earlier conversation left the sannin's face as an uncanny look settled in his eyes. "There is one more who can't wait to speak to you again." The boy was baffled for a moment. "But who...?" Then, as he kept staring at his father's eyes, gold and snake-like, it suddenly dawned on him. "Oh." he breathed, eyes wide. "You don't just summon your contract and then leave her clueless for a month." Now there was amusement in his tone. The boy had begun sweating a little - he had rarely seen Isis angry before, mostly in the presence of his pet snake, Koburo, and it wasn't really something he was looking forward to. Who would have thought that a summoning animal had such a colorful vocabulary? "You're right," he finally amended with a sigh. "I'm gonna talk to her first chance I got." The answering smirk didn't leave Orochimaru's face as he and the Taka started making their way out of the gates. Mitsuki kept gazing after them until their speeding forms became a blur, and then sighed again before drawing out blood and making the sign for summoning. It was a weird reunion - making the boy wonder whether snakes could go in for a hug or not. But then, he thought, maybe he should be glad not to find it out right then. "Mitsuki-sama!" Isis hissed in excitement as soon as she appeared, slithering on the forest floor in what appeared to be joy. "You have no idea how worried I was!" "I'm sorry," the boy said sheepishly, feeling a little touched that Isis cared about him to this extent... and was she this tall when he last saw her? "It's not that pleasant in the Ryuuchi cave, just so you know," the snake continued in disdain. Mitsuki couldn't help a small chuckle then. "Not in good graces with the bigger snakes?" The hiss now was in a more warning tone. "I can fend off for myself, thank you very much. Although that Garaga tends to get very annoying..." Mitsuki started laughing, and the richness of his tone took him by surprise. "You can tell me all about it on our way back." And so they headed back into the village, to his home, Mitsuki listening to her time in her birthplace eagerly. A few of the passerbys who greeted him took a moment to stare at the snake but no one bothered to intervene. Mitsuki knew that he probably shouldn't exert the amount of chakra that he was using right now, at least not for a while, but he just couldn't bring himself to send Isis back in such a short time after she spent a month away. "Next time you're not gonna be able to send me away. I'll be right beside you, protecting you." she vowed vehemently. They had reached his apartment suite. The boy came to a stop. He... really didn't expect another visitor today. The woman had heard their voices. She turned to them, adjusting the paper bag in her arms so that it wouldn't fall over. A smile spread across her face. "'morning, Mitsuki," she said lightly. "I was hoping to catch up to you before I head west." "Izumi-san..." he mumbled, still baffled, causing the woman to chuckle softly. "Really, how many times must I tell you to just call me Izumi?" Beside him, Isis's hiss was inconspicuous. "Mitsuki-sama, is this woman bothering you? Shall I bite her?" "Umm, no." Shaking his head to clear it up, Mitsuki addressed the kunoichi. "Why don't you come in?" It soon turned out that Izumi did not just drop in for a casual visit - inside the bag were all the ingredients necessary for a full-on breakfast. "I thought maybe we could have breakfast together." she said cheerfully. "Thanks... I would love that." the boy replied, not sure what else to say more. The situation still seemed a little strange, but he didn't feel awkward. He was somehow... used to this laxed attitude of hers after all, even feeling comforted by it. He had not seen Izumi-san too often, one more time in their field trip to Kirigakure, but that had never been the determining factor in their relationship. She was just such an easy person to get along with. "Please, let me help you-" "No, no, none of that." the redhead almost shooed him from in front of the kitchen counter, earning herself a glare from Isis that only Mitsuki noticed. "Consider this an early birthday celebration." "O-oh." Now came the being uncomfortable part - he didn't want to be an inconvenience to her. "You don't have to do that..." "Nope, I don't have to. But I want to." She put her hand on his shoulder, her eyes warm. "Because we are friends, right? And friends do look out for each other." He smiled, a bit timid but natural all the same. "You're right. But if there's anything I can help with, I'll do it." "You just sit down and make yourself comfy." It was kinda amazing how she almost acted like she was the one living here. Then she drew a little closer to him to whisper. "But do keep an eye on your snake for me, okay?" Mitsuki did let out a small laugh. So the woman wasn't oblivious. He made his way to the sofa, and found Isis curled up beside it. "Behave," he whispered to her in an undertone. "Behave? I'm on my best behavior!" Well... considering some of their fights with Koburo, Mitsuki had to admit that she had a point. It didn't take Izumi too long - actually, soon enough, the boy had started to smell something delicious. Was she somehow aware of his favorite dish? He was left mystified - and inexplicably warm, once again feeling as if he is on familiar territory with this woman. "Would you like some coffee?" he offered, raising his voice, just so he had something to do. Izumi peeked over her shoulder at him. "You drink coffee?" "Well... yeah..." he sounded confused. "I did gain a favor to filter coffee this year..." "I don't usually comment on people's choices, but... I don't know, Mitsuki," her smile was both sheepish and somehow stern enough to remind him of Karin. "You had a difficult heart surgery... filter coffee probably won't be the best idea." "Or we could do with some tea," he mumbled, mollified. She didn't have any objections to that, and they didn't talk much as Mitsuki busied himself with making the tea. He needed that - because otherwise, the thoughts in his head were going to jumble in a mess. He knew their intentions were good, so it was not like he was begrudging them for their attitude, but... it still didn't make it right when he already felt like he was failing so many people. There, he finally laid it out in front of him. While everyone around him lately treated him with great respect and reverie, as if he was some kind of a hero, he was... nothing short of terrified at how things looked up for him at this point. He remembered it like yesterday, the talk with Sakura-san and Tsunade-sama. They had tried to be nice about it, but no matter how they were delivered, the implications were still ghastly for him. He had suffered major damage to his heart, after all, and he had to go through a vigorous and complicated healing process, practically living in the hospital from now on. Both women were vague about how much his ninja life would be affected, but also made sure that he realized how important it was that he should draw back as soon as they sensed something was going wrong. Which was such a scary thought that he had started losing sleep over it. If he wasn't going to be able to become a ninja, to continue on the path... then what? What would become of him? All he knew, ever since he had been little, was how to be cunning, aggressive and deadly as a ninja. He didn't know - had no idea - how to become anything less. And more than that, more than feeling inept... "Here you go." "Hmm?" He was a little disoriented when he raised his head and realized that he was already sitting on the table, and Izumi had just placed a table of scrambled eggs in front of him. Had he become so automatic, so... robotic in his moves to not notice what he was doing? "Thanks," he mumbled, picking up his fork. They ate in silence for a while. The woman had even reserved some of the meal for Isis, who was happily nibbling at it on the floor. Mitsuki didn't know if the kunoichi did this on purpose, to gain some favors from the snake, because if that was her intention, it seemed to be working. "There is something bothering you." Izumi said after a while, not in a questioning manner. The boy realized that he wasn't keeping his expression quite as blank as he had hoped. "What makes you think so?" he asked evasively, not sure how he could even launch into his worries. The woman chuckled lightly. "Two things. One, a small crease immediately appears between your brows, indicating you are in deep thought. And two... you become too still. No one can stay that still for so long." Mitsuki raised an eyebrow, impressed somehow. "I didn't know that." "You would be surprised." The redhead's expression turned serious again. "So... wanna talk about it?" It took him a while to realize that he was absent-mindedly toying with the food. "I don't know how to tell what's on my mind..." "Give it a try?" Izumi put her fork down, bringing a hand under her chin as she regarded him carefully. "I can wait - I have a bit of a time." He looked up at her, curious now. "You leaving for Kiri?" "Yup. I have stalled my return a bit longer as it is... but never mind that now." Her gaze turned intense, but she didn't say another word. Mitsuki too put his fork down with a sigh. Something about that look... prompted him to speak, no matter how hard it was. "You want to know what the worst part of it all is?" he began, his hands finding their way to his teacup, just to have a hold on something, to ground him. "Everyone... everyone in the village started treating me like I'm special... they shunned me at first, when the orphanage was attacked, but then had a change of heart because I did something rash and landed myself in the hospital..." "And it bothers you that they were so prejudiced about you before?" the woman guessed. "That's not all of it..." No need to say how major a part it was. "But thinking back on it... people only began respecting me because I was able to do it... to save the village from a possible catastrophe... and now... now that might be taken from me..." "Taken how?" "It's not yet clear... whether I can turn back to my old life, y'know." His fingers tightened a little more around the cup. "It's still early to say, but... ninja life could be too much for me..." The woman didn't say anything to that, just listening. "And I... well I don't know... what I would do without it... it's everything I know, everything I lived with..." He shook his head slowly. "The thought that I probably snuffed all those chances out... It's much more than what I can stand." A small, knowing smirk played on Izumi's lips. "No, I never took you for a boy who could just stand aside and let the world roll by." "More than that..." His gaze was directed in her general direction, but he wasn't really seeing her. "You know... the whole reason I came to Konoha... why I wanted to become a ninja... was so that I..." his voice dropped to a whisper. He didn't even know if she could hear him anymore. "...that I give my father a reason to be proud of me..." Compassion began to replace the pensive look in the woman's eyes. "Oh..." she mused softly. Mitsuki dropped his gaze to his hands, not wanting to face that compassion. "That's... that's what bothers me the most... that I probably flunked my chance to make him proud in a moment of rash action..." Izumi didn't reply immediately, seeming to gather her thoughts. "Mitsuki-" she began a moment later, but he cut her off instantly. "Please don't tell me I should disregard these thoughts and just focus on getting better," he said, his tone a little irritated. "I already have that from the medics, my sensei, my friends... just don't. It doesn't make things better." "I was not going to say that." she amended. "I wasn't." she insisted when the boy simply looked doubtful. "But do tell me... how do you feel? What would you like to do instead?" There was no hesitation in his tone as he replied. "I want to prove everyone that I'm still on my game, that I'm still capable of this life." He bent a little down to pat Isis's head. Wasn't it already proof enough that he could keep her around for this long, without breaking a sweat? "Because the way I see it..." The redhead leaned a bit forward to try to look in his eyes. "All you have to do is to go out there and grab what you want, and don't listen to anyone else as long as you know and respect your limits." "My limits?" Mitsuki asked, confused. "It's just that, everyone will have a guess about what's hurtful or what's tiring for you, right? Like me earlier, with the coffee," she added with a knowing smile, making the boy to suddenly become a little awkward. "But you are the one living in that body and you know your own limits, how much you can handle. As long as you know the right moment to stop, I don't see a reason why you shouldn't keep trying." "You really think so?" It was such a different attitude to what he had been subjected to, Mitsuki was simply amazed. To take control of his own destiny... that was all he wanted, all he asked for. No one before had taken this approach with him though... Now he was seeing Izumi-san in a whole new light. "Well, you are talking to the person who defied her own mother in career choices," the kunoichi said with a small chuckle. "No one knows you better than you do Mitsuki... so don't let anyone stump on whatever you want to do with your life." "Even if it means I got to drink filter coffee?" the blue haired boy asked shrewdly, and then laughed at the taken aback expression on the woman's face. But she started laughing after a second, too. "You got me there. But first let's finish our breakfast, we will speak about this more later." "Gladly," the boy replied, a little amazed at how sincere he sounded. Maybe... just maybe there was a reason for him to keep his hopes up. ... And that was how Mitsuki found himself in the practice ground next morning, after some much needed sleep. Somehow, he was always sleepy lately. He was practicing basic shuriken jutsu... or well, it was supposed to be basic anyway. His infuriation kept growing, more and more with each throw. It felt like each throw triggered some dull pain in his chest, making his hand jerk in the last minute. And no matter how tiny that jerk was... the shuriken kept flying in odd directions. It was best not to mention that his bending skill had grown pretty much non-existent. He puffed his cheeks in an exhale, glaring at his target, as if this was its fault. Respect one's limits... but how was he supposed to do that, when even something as easy as shuriken practice had become a task...? Suddenly, he saw something flash in his peripheral vision. On instinct, he drew around and pulled a kunai from under his sleeve in one quick motion, knocking the shuriken thrown at him in the last moment. A soft chuckle made him glance in what had to be the direction of the throw. He met the warm eyes of Sarada, who still had her hand in the air, and the huge grin of Boruto. "See?" the Uchiha said joyfully, dropping her hand. "You are not out of shape after all." And then, without a warning, they both lunged forward. The element of surprise lasted for only about five seconds, and then the blue haired boy was keeping up with his friends. Sloppily, he would've said in any other situation, but he managed to evade most of their attacks, just receiving one punch on his arm from Boruto one time. The best part of it was... that he could tell their friends weren't holding back all too much. This was all in the context of sparring rules - Mitsuki felt his spirit rising with each moment. "There you guys are!" Momentarily distracted by the voice, Boruto slipped... and Sarada's fist connected. "Ouch!!" "Whoops...! Sorry..." Shikadai was descending the stairs to reach them, with what looked like a tablet computer in his hands. His usual carefree smirk was in place as he took the scene in. "Sorry about that," he said lightly. "But she was literally pestering me to come find Mitsuki and so..." "Hey!" A female voice resounded from the tablet. The Nara sighed in annoyance and rolled his eyes as he took the last few steps and reached Team Konohamaru. "Sheesh, calm down already will you? I found your boyfriend-" "Shikadai!!!" The scream was surely heard all around the training area as Shikadai gave the tablet to a baffled Mitsuki, who looked down to see a dark pink haired girl with big, brown eyes... and a very deep blush. "Where did you even- oh... hi Mitsuki," the girl said warmly, her eyes shining. Her blush receded, only leaving a light sheen of pink on her cheeks. "Hey, we're here too, y'know," Boruto said almost indignantly, but his tone was light. "Sorry," Shikadai's cousin, Natsumi said with a kind natured laugh. "But Dai told me Mitsuki was awake, and I just wanted to check in myself." "Oh... thank you." The blue haired boy smiled. "How are things in Suna?" "They're great," the girl said cheerfully. "But never mind that now... I-I'm just so glad..." she stopped for a minute to still her breathing. "I'm so glad you finally made it... It's been too long..." "I know... sorry about it..." Natsumi laughed softly. "What are you saying sorry for? Being brave and selfless? It was nothing I didn't expect from you..." And then a light blush colored her cheeks once again. "C'mon, let's give them a minute." Sarada told the boys, taking each of them by their arms. "Hey, come visit us again Konpeito!" Boruto called as he was being towed away. The girl on the screen rolled her eyes, but her smile was still intact. "Look who's talking about visits," she mumbled, and then turned her attention back to the blue haired boy. "And also... happy birthday Mitsuki! I hope you will have a great day." "Actually, I'm certain Boruto will see to it," Mitsuki chuckled to himself. "I wish I could be there in person but... academy..." "Well, there's always next year..." "That's a promise then," Natsumi concluded. "I have to go now, I have practice with mom, so see you around, okay?" As the video screen blackened, Mitsuki felt he was feeling even more optimistic than this morning... ... The day flew by too quickly after that. Before he knew it, he had joined the Uzumakis in their living room with Sarada and Sakura, them chanting the birthday song as Hinata brought the cake. "Alright, make a great wish!" Boruto said, his smile bright as the sun. "Thirteen is an important age, 'ttebasa!" Sarada, sitting next to him, nudged him light-heartedly. "Are you planning to say this every time we have a birthday?" "Well, there's nothing wrong with it!" the blond defended himself. "Not at all," Mitsuki laughed, content, feeling like he could stand to hear Boruto say that as many times as it would take. But he did exact a good amount of thought on his wish. Keeping this bond with his family and friends for as long as they lived... that sounded like a reasonable goal. Smiling to himself, he blew out the candles, receiving a round applause. Sitting there, surrounded by the people who obviously loved him, and eating delicious homemade cake, full courtesy of Sakura-san and Sarada, it indeed felt like his dream was within his easy reach. Boruto jumped to his feet immediately after they were finished with the cake. "Time for presents." "Where's the fire?" Naruto mumbled under his breath, but his smile too was huge and genuine. The boy really didn't expect much - he didn't expect presents at all, really - but... it warmed his heart to an extent he didn't know was possible. First was Sakura. Mitsuki's eyes widened in wonder when she handed him a... "I... but this..." he couldn't form a sentence, causing the pink haired woman to chuckle softly. "I was tipped off that you are interested in medical studies. I thought this might come in handy in the near future." He barely tore his eyes apart from the medic kit to stare at her. "Thank you..." "But you'll have plenty of time to go through it," Sakura continued with a knowing smile. "These two won't be able to wait out for too long." And it was Boruto and Sarada's turn. Whatever that was wrapped in the gift packs they had, seemed to be a little crudely packed, making it impossible to guess what it could be, and the boy tore at the packages curiously. And then he started laughing. They were hand-made photo frames, and each of them showcased pictures of him and his friends - but that wasn't the only thing that made them so special. Boruto and Sarada had both decorated the frames with drawings, and the blond's... lack of skill made his frame just as endearing as Sarada's perfect lines. "Thank you, both of you..." he said, still smiling. "And here is mine." With Hinata-san's voice Mitsuki turned to the woman. Instead of a package though, she was holding... what seemed to be folded clothes out for him. As he recognized the outfit on the top, a wondrous look etched into his eyes. He slowly traced his fingers on the two-toned blue fabric, feeling a... strange sense of reunion. "It was almost damaged beyond repair," Hinata said softly. "But I couldn't give up without a try and so... here we are." Something in her tone made the blue haired boy feel warm all over... like Hinata had just conveyed in her words how the Uzumaki family never gave up on him... "Hinata-san..." "Hey, try on your Uzumaki sweater too!" Himawari said with a big grin. "Hima, we're in July it's a little too hot for that," Boruto reminded his sister, but Mitsuki tried it on anyway. It felt soft and comfortable... like home... "Thank you very much..." he told the woman sincerely, not knowing what else to say. "Dad, dad, let's show Mitsu-nii our present now!" the youngest Uzumaki's excitement was hard to contain. "Yep." Naruto rose from his seat and looked at him. "Okay Mitsuki... can you come upstairs with us for a minute?" And so they moved the party upstairs... in a manner of speech. Mitsuki wondered what got everyone so interested about this gift. They stopped in front of the house's guest room. Himawari, right behind him, put her hands over his eyes, catching him by surprise. "No peeking," she warned cheerfully. He heard the door opening and then the light switch clicking. There was some scuffling, and finally Hima pulled her hands back with a, "Ta-daa!" He was looking at a fully-furnished room. Or well... more elaborately and personally decorated than any other usual guest rooms. Indeed, Sarada had just finished placing the photo frames on a shelf. "Well, we have the basics and everything... but your opinions matter the most." Naruto tried to explain, but the boy was still lost. "I... I'm not sure if I understand..." "Because this is gonna be your room, 'ttebasa!" his best friend said joyfully. "M-my room?" "Only if you want to, of course," Hinata said quickly. "But we would love to have you move in with us." "Because you see..." Naruto's eyes were soft, just like his tone. "We realized that we don't like seeing you return to that cold house all by yourself... so that's what we all want to offer you Mitsuki. A chance to return to your family at the end of the day." The boy was effectively rendered speechless. He was so taken aback that he couldn't even say if he was breathing at the moment or not. "I... I don't know what to say..." "Just say you accept it!" Boruto clapped him on the shoulder. "You know I'll just pester you endlessly about it, anyway." "And how's that giving him his own choice?" Sarada teased her friend. But it was already too late... One by one, images started to show up in front of the boy's mind eye. Coming home every night to the warmth of the Uzumaki house and to Hinata-san's delicious meals... Sitting at that desk, studying medicine as he was drinking his coffee... Himawari bringing in some cookies, bragging about the fact that she made them herself... Training or just goofing around the front lawn with her and Boruto... and welcoming Naruto home whenever they get the chance to see him for the day... "Family..." he mumbled almost to himself, feeling the warmth settle and grow around his heart. "That's right... you said you considered every one of us a family and now... let us be your family in Konoha." Mitsuki took another moment to get his emotions under control, worried that he could make a spectacle out of himself if he continued this way. "That..." he finally began, but had to clear his throat before moving on. "That's much more than I could ever ask for... and nothing would make me happier than living with you." "Is that a yes then?" Hima was practically jumping up and down with joy. The blue haired boy laughed as he ruffled her hair a bit. "Yep, Hima, that's definitely a yes." The celebrations didn't go too far this time - because Boruto had grabbed both Mitsuki's and Sarada's hands, pulling them behind him. "Alright then, let's go!" "Go? Where?" Sarada asked, mystified and a little annoyed. "To help Mitsuki pack up, duh! Tonight is his last night in that house, 'ttebasa!" As the friends kept bickering among themselves, the adults followed them downstairs, stopping just inside the door to gaze after them with soft smiles... ... It would turn out that Boruto's surprises were not yet finished. They didn't spend a lot of time in his apartment, after all, he didn't really have a lot to pack. Mitsuki had imagined going back to the Uzumaki household, but he should have his suspicions when Sarada pulled the faded old quilt from the bag of packed things, saying that they would probably need that. It was the quilt Karin knit for him before he left for Konoha. The boy had really not imagined... that their next destination was the waterfall. Mitsuki gasped lightly - it was just like how he had planned out for his best friend's birthday. The make-shift boat, the flag, the plunder... he chuckled when he realized even the parrot was there. Of course, the weather conditions had worn out everything just a little... but that made the atmosphere all the more perfect. "Happy birthday, Mitsuki," Boruto and Sarada both said, scooting a little closer to him. ... From that point, he had no idea how he came here. He was crouching behind a bolder, and he had the unsettling feeling that he was hiding from something... or someone. And one thing he knew without a doubt was that he was alone... all alone... A cold, terrifying cloud of uncertainty settled around his heart, making it thud loudly. "Come out come out wherever you are...!" he heard a voice just then, which made him cower in spite of himself. "Fucking snake brat... Takeru the cat will find you and fucking eat you alive, I swear on it!" The proximity, the animosity of the voice... Mitsuki knew he probably should start running away, or think of a way to fight back... but he was frozen on the spot, trying to fight the urge to cover his ears... A sudden, very bright light flashed, like that of a lightning... ... Sarada wasn't sure just why she woke up with a start, but she imagined it had been a few hours since they fell asleep, side by side, the quilt covering them. The sky had a purplish tint to the blackness, indicating that it was the early morning hours. She half raised herself on one of her elbows to see what might have woken her up. The first thing she noticed was that Mitsuki seemed restless. He was shivering, and there was sweat gathering on his forehead, while his expression was also distressed, even in sleep. The girl couldn't be sure whether she should wake him up or not... if he was having a nightmare, maybe this was the best course of action. But when she raised her hand to gently shake him awake... another hand clamped on her wrist. Boruto was also awake. As their eyes met, Sarada understood the blond's point of view clearly. He didn't want to wake Mitsuki up. It wouldn't exactly chase away the nightmares for long... Coming to a non-verbal agreement, the Uzumaki and the Uchiha just scooted closer to their friend, wrapping their arms around him, hoping that this would create some sort of comfort... ... The boy had run out of places to hide... they were approaching, he knew it. He wasn't going to make it out of here alive... The two men that were following him, on blond and the other brunet, were standing only a couple of feet away from him, both leering from ear to ear. The blond raised his hand and the lightning bolt appeared in it, making the blue haired boy flinch , trying to make himself a smaller target... But then, something he never would've expected happened. Suddenly, he wasn't alone. Like some sort of miracle, his best friends appeared right beside him, taking attack stances. "Don't worry Mitsuki, we fight beside you now." Boruto said, determination raw in his voice. "Shannaro!" Sarada exclaimed, her sharingan activated as she took out several shurikens. Another flash, and Konohamaru-sensei was there too. "No one messes with my students when I'm around!" he hissed through gritted teeth as he glared at the two assailants. And one by one, other people from Konoha and his home back in the hideout appeared... Log... Hinata-san... Karin... Izumi-san... and many, so many more... It was like all of his loved ones, the people who loved and cared about him, came here to his aid when it mattered the most... His attackers began backing away, panic apparent in their eyes and movements... Lord Seventh appeared just then, taking a protective stance beside him. "Protect Mitsuki at all costs!" his voice rang out clearly. The boy felt a lump forming in his throat with his words and presence... But the best was yet to come. He had just enough time to blink once... ...and then his father was standing directly in front of him, shielding him from view, tall, fierce and powerful... The scene was completed... With everyone there, ready to stand their ground with him... the boy no longer felt alone... ... The rising sun shone on the sleeping forms of Team Konohamaru, gently illuminating their peaceful expressions.        

Ravi in Vienna

aka guide how to be the worst organizer of concerts with a speck of how to be awkward to the maximum level

It was another Monday evening at work, but next to me was resting a bag. The bag was packed to Vienna. Yes, I am gonna see Ravi. The Ravi from VIXX. The Ravi who is VIXX bias and one of my husbands lol.

Note: Links to some vids or photos will be seen below this long post lol (sorry)

Time when we were leaving: midnight Time when we should have arrived: 4:30am Time when we arrived: 4am Time when toilets were opening: 5am Time when first food place at bus station was opening: 5am Time when McDonald’s was opening: 6am Time when we could check-in at apartment: 3pm Number of hours slept: 0 Number of people speaking German: 0/3

Bus arrived earlier. Of course, it arrived earlier when first place where we could stay at was opening at 5am. But right next to the bus station there was huge train station which was opened, so we did not have to freeze outside; we were gladly chilling there with homeless people – we felt like one of them tbh. The worst idea was to go to the bathroom. I checked my face in the mirror – bloodshot eyes that it looked like I had too much of pot, and on the chin two huge white pimples, and almost the rest of face covered in red pimples; just a perfect timing, right?

After spending two hours on train station, we moved to McDonald’s to have some breakfast (last time I had breakfast on McDonald’s I was in my early teenage years… memories). We were waiting there until 9am, and then my friend got message from the place we were staying at that the keys were under the mat. We thought that maybe it will be prepared sooner, and we can have some nap. So we decided to go to the venue (our place was 5 mins away), check if there’s some numbering system and then check the apartment.

At the venue there was one girl. She asked us if we went to the concert and then pulled out a notebook with numbers (BLESS THIS GIRL!!! SHE ORGANIZED IT WHOLE BY HERSELF AND IF IT WASN’T FOR HER THE CONCERT WOULD BE A TOTAL MESS!! AND I WAS SO HAPPY THAT I COULD WRITE HER AWKWARD THANK YOU MESSAGE ON TWITTER AFTER THE CONCERT THANKING HER AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING). We had to write there our names and get the number. So, we write them down and me and my friend got 10 AND 11!!! (my other friend got number 1 for VIP) “HELL YES! MY FIRST AND LAST TIME BEING IN THE FIRST ROW FOR A CONCERT!!!! I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO SEE RAVI FROM FIRST ROW OMFG!!!!! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!” I could not believe that we were this lucky. That I was this lucky to actually end up in first row for RAVI’S concert. It must be something which can get fucked up…

After that we went to check the apartment. Excited seeing ourselves sleeping in bed/couch was pushing us forward. Sadly, when we arrived there nothing was ready, so we left again and went for a bit of sightseeing in our sweaty business clothes, smelly, hair messed up and fighting strong wind (No we did not meet Ravi. But after his ig post, we found out we were lost pretty near the place he was at). The funniest part of our sightseeing was our phones – three phones and each was pointing different direction to the same place lol (we got stuck at one place for one hour until we figured out the right direction to the place).

After few hours Fresh from shower and finally looking like people and after a long effort of trying to cover the pimples (unsuccessfully), we went to the venue. We lined nicely, no problems, there were still new people arriving and getting numbers. Everything was okay. I was suspicious about it. 30 minutes before wristbanding, Young Bros posted update on fb event saying THAT THE VENUE WAS CHANGED I was so damn mad and was glad I was in foreign country and just few people could understand my swearing lol. Anyway, it got somehow settled. We moved to different venue, there were still some chaotic moments, but it was p okay. Problem was the venue itself: Apparently no backstage – that meant Ravi wouldn’t have any privacy to prepare for the performance The capacity of the venue was small Another funny thing happened after few mins, when they told us that Ravi hadn’t arrived yet (it was past 6pm and during that time they should have already let vvips in…). It meant Ravi would arrive and go past us to the venue (AND HE DID HEHEHEH). That also meant that he needs to do a soudcheck. So… we were freezing next hour and half outside. I had to pee, was hungry and frozen. After 7pm they started to let us in. I could finally unfreeze. I was also able to keep my water – they did not take it from me, but they took it away to those who had it in bag. After another time (full of other ?!?!?!??!?! moments – when the girls had no idea what to do with albums which were right in front of them and just… a lot of other things) they told us that photo with Ravi would be in 6 people and WE WOULD BE SITTING ON CHAIRS AND RAVI BEHIND US (what???) and then we would put coats into the cloak room. I was already so mad at the organization that I wasn’t even nervous meeting Ravi lol. So my fear of not being able to say anything to Ravi died out the moment I saw him lol (… do not expect any long sentence from me or anything deep lol… I was just awkward as always lol). Me: [sees him] Ravi: [looks at me, smiles and says] “Hi.” Me: [grins like an idiot, smacks his hand (OH GOD IT WAS SO DAMN SOFT… CAN I HOLD IT??) and way too enthusiastically says] “HIIIIIIIII!!!” [sits right in front of him] Me: [realizing I do not want holding my coat on the photo] Me: [decides to put it behind me] Me: [putting the coat down mumbling to myself and partly to him] “I am just gonna put this here for a sec.” Me: [realizing that the coat would be seen on photo so I stopped and thought about an alternative] Camera guy: [starts to count down the seconds for photo] Me: [panicks, then apologize to Ravi for doing this and throwing coat past him to the corner of the room] … So yeah…………………

Anyway… we thought that after the photos there will be a cloak room for coats (we were told to put them to the cloakroom). BUT THERE WAS NONE. My friend asked about the cloak room and they told us that it is up the stairs. BIIIIIIITCH! YOU SAID THAT WE CAN PEACEFULLY PUT OUR COATS AND BAGS TO THE CLOAKROOM!! My friend started faster than Bolt to get the coats to the cloakroom and I was trying to save her spot in the first row. Sadly, we ended up in second row. The venue was very small. There was no barrier between us and stage. The stage was only like half meter up the ground and barriers were created from round tables (but with width less than one meter). The whole stage was prolly 5x3 square meters big. Can you imagine it? Ravi… person who always performed on big stages and who have definitely never performed at such small venue with fans hair away from him. I felt bad for him… (even tho... again bless Starlights all around the world that even in such situation they weren’t grabbing him and let him have that little of space he had) But t must have been such weird feeling for him. On the other hand I guess it could have been good experience for him. Because he definitely won’t have chance to perform on such place again lol. Really it felt like I was attending some underground concert and not Ravi’s concert.

I guess I will slowly wrap up my story. It would take another 1334 words to describe the whole concert. Just want to write down few things: Guy telling us before the concert started to stay hydrated - after they took away water........... First few songs Ravi looked so mad Wanted his mic to be louder but they ignored him which made him mad even more Mad Ravi is quite attractive His thigh in ripped jeans was the first thing I noticed when he arrived and then kept looking at that smooth and fine thing for a minute... I wanted to touch His hairy knee was also very adorable His whole self just screams FINE MAN He was most adorable when he was dancing I wanted to smooch his cheeks... his face looked so soft Oh man he was so happy while dancing and I was happy for him Where Am I is the banger Cold bay is the cutest rapper who exists in the world, but also the rudest one And his rap is no joke (check his sound cloud) Ravi talking in English with great accent, cutely reading English phrases he had on the screen before him Seriously… people should stop recording whole concerts and focus on the artist and enjoying the concert… Ravi spilling water at us SHIRTLESS RAVI HAPPENED Then when he leaned on the table to us I literally felt his heating body (sorry but I had to write it there bc it was so WHOA) Ravi taking some cameras and recording himself on them Never looked at me during the whole concert (’:

After the concert, we went outside to get fresh air. We crossed the road to wait on the other side, then decided to wait for Ravi to go back to hotel. We were the only ones sitting on the other side of the road. And when he got into car and leaving ISTG he turned and waved at us when we were waving at him… and I was happy that last time possible, he finally registered my person (:

Nirvana (with my stupid voice singing the chorus) Lean On Me - Ravi slowly preparing us for what will happen soon later (aka throwing away his shirt) The banger song Where Am I with Cold Bay and Ravi recording himself on phones and lot of screaming bc of that (btw I was not screaming lol)

Those who cannot see vids or do not want to watch them...

hehehehhehe

Interview - 2D Star Vol.11

Big thanks to @yukimuzic for the scans. If you were to use and/or repost this page, please ask her first.

Q. It’s Hi!Superb's first appearance in MY★STAR, isn’t it~ First of all, please introduce yourselves.

LEO: Yes, so I’ll go first! I’m Leo! Hi!Superb’s leader, the positive king from Naniwa!

RYO: Wait a minute! Isn’t your rank a bit high?! (lol)

LEO: From now on, instead of positive thinking, I thought I’d go with “positive king“. (lol) Since I’m from Kansai, I’m doing it to make anything look funny! RYO, you’re up next!

RYO: Everyone, it’s a pleasure to meet you! I’m the natural malicious puppy ✰ Hi!Superb’s lively RYO!! There’s no mistake that if you support me, it’ll make you happy forever! I’ll be in your care!!

LEO: That’s a lot of english there! Whatcha say, SION?

SION: (laughs with a gentle smile)

RYO: I thought it’d be okay to say that with feelings (lol). Next! Let’s go, OMI-kun!

OMI: Hello, Hi!Superb’s OMI here.

RYO: .... Eh-, that’s all!?

OMI: Since I’m introducing myself.

LEO: As usual, OMI-chan is so serious~ (lol). But, let's talk a little bit more!

OMI: There are many things that are said to change, but I’m not aware of having any.

RYO: The things I don’t understand are OMI-kun’s good points, I must be a weirdo!

LEO: And now, MAGU-chan!

MAGURA: Yees! Hello, MAGURA here. I’m the youngest, but I’m relied on and depended on a lot.

RYO: Cute MAGU-chan!

MAGURA: I’m not just cute, I also have a manly side, so watch closely, okay? ♪ Next up, SION!

SION: Hello, everyone. I’m SION. I think it was the fans who removed my veil, so take care of me?

Q. About three months have passed since your debut stage, what is the impression you have of each other?

RYO: Hmm. I think OMI-kun’s weirdness has passed the standard definition!

OMI: ......

RYO: OMI-kun, you’re scary, SCARY!

SION: OMI-kun, glaring is no good, haha.

LEO: For example, what kind of things are you referring to?

RYO: Hmm, like, rare moments that make you go “Eh-, at a time like this?!“ For example, recently, after recording, everyone was “Good, let’s go home~“ and as we left the studio he started eating a lunch box (lol). It surprised me, like “Now!? Rirght now!?“

SION: OMI-kun goes at his own pace.

OMI: Well, SION, I think that you have a quite unique personality, though.

SION: Is that so?

LEO: While you talk, you suddenly start yapping in english, give me a break (lol).

SION: So, does having the same strange aura mean that OMI-kun and I are fellows?

OMI: No, it’s totally different. Stop it.

RYO: Here we go again~! The bashful OMI-kun ☆

OMI: Am not. I’m tootally not shy.

Q. You really get along, huh?

LEO: That’s right. Even on stage we talk eagerly. (lol) As you can see from the flow of the conversation just now, OMI-chan has established a unique world.

MAGURA: Even though there are only 10 minutes left until the stand-by, OMI-kun checks the steps by himself.

RYO: Today too, I was wondering where did he run off, but once he came back he was all sweaty (lol). “Huh!? Did you just come back from a sauna!?”, said Leader to poke fun at him. (lol)

MAGURA: Leader’s comedy acts are always running high, haha. 

SION: That’s true!

LEO: Huh? Before I knew it, it’s my turn? (lol)

RYO: Even when Leader is the MC, he sets up his silly booby traps! He’s really  reliable! OMI-kun and Leader have totally different personalities, but when they’re standing together on stage they show a really reliable side of them; it gets us all fired up and make us want to work hard! 

MAGURA: LEO-kun’s leadership is really something. He pulls us together.

RYO: That's not an aggressive sensation, it’s natural. If I were a girl, I would definitely fall for a guy that has Leader’s qualities~!

SION: But if it’s about being natural that we’re talking about, aren’t you also pretty straightforward, RYO-kun?

LEO: His switch is always on after all. Especially the tension when there’s a meal in front of him is remarkable. (lol)

RYO: I like catering, that’s all!!

MAGURA: Indeed, haha. In front of a catering, RYO-kun’s tension is at its MAX. I think it’s really cute when that happens.

RYO: Eh!?

SION: There’s no mistake, since Hi!Superb’s cute one says so.

RYO: ! Ah, thanks!!

LEO: Also, when I’m the MC you take the lead telling me I gotta be lively during our scenes and enhance the mood, so I’m always saved by that.

RYO: I was praised by Leader! Yaay!

LEO: However, there are also moments when you rush things up, so there’s room for improvement, haha.

RYO: !!

OMI: Because you push your way through as if you’re in a bulfight. I’d be happy if you could calm down a little.

RYO: Uwaaaah~~ I was body-slammed~~ (cries).

SION: I think that having a challenging spirit is amazing.

RYO: Thank you, SION!

A question from Leader that’ll cause the youngest members to be in a pinch.

LEO: To MAGURA and SION in particular, if you were to work with someone from Hi!Superb, who would you choose?

MAGURA: Hmm, let’s see...

LEO: It’s okay if it’s just from your current impressions!

RYO: No, no, I’m scared!

SION: Ehh, It’s troubling because I want to be with everyone.

RYO: Well then! When I went out to eat with SION before, I was told that "I feel so comfortable with RYO-kun!"

SION: I wonder if I really did say that, haha.

LEO: So, is SION saying he’s fine doing things together with RYO?

OMI: Somehow, the pressure here is amazing.

MAGURA: I really want to try being together with everyone, so it's difficult to answer..... But, I'm sure that here “I want to be with you all” is the right answer, right?

RYO: Stop make this look like it’s business! (cries)

LEO: Speaking of MAGU-chan, he has a refined ability to perceive and watch closely his surroundings, haha. Before, during Hi!Superb’s program Hi!SuPunch, I ate something very spicy, but when I was in agony MAGU-chan was the very first that brought me water.

RYO: Although they’re younger than me, I think they’re really reliable. During lives, it’s odd how I often go to the youngers’ (to MAGURA & SION) side, maybe it’s becose I sense safety from them.

LEO: You really love MAGU-chan, RYO!

RYO: True, sometimes I mistake him for a girl! (lol) But when I look at his abdominal muscles, "Ah..... I get it, after all he’s a man" I say, disappointed. (lol)

OMI: That’s obvious.

RYO: Here’s the straight man, OMI-kun getting colder and colder!

OMI: Stop! Don’t stick close to me!

MAGURA: RYO-kun...

SION: Yeah, and a bit of a M.

LEO: SION, what's your impression on MAGURA?

SION: Well... We’re the same age and we get along. It’s kind of like... if you get too close, he’ll disappear, as if there is a hole in one’s heart?

MAGURA: Such a thing, you’re formidable, SION. A natural charisma.

Q. Although the debut single “Turn Into Love” was released on May 30, please tell us about the most important part of the tune title.

LEO: The image and the songs are filled with all the charms that us, Hi!Superb, have now. It's a fascinating song, I think that you can enjoy this single even more if you do it together with us.

MAGURA: The parts of the lyrics, “We’re here now because we could overcome it”, “Shine on our tomorrow“, have this kind of  “We’re keeping an eye on the future so we’ll work hard!” feeling. I'd be glad if you noticed not only the performance, but also the rest.

RYO: It's a song filled with the refreshingness of 5 people working altogether for their dream and giving their 10000% in performances!

OMI: It's the song that symbolizes us. From now on, whenever we show off this song, I think that it will keep evolving rapidly. A fascinating song suitable for a debut, so please pay attention at the live and have fun.

RYO: I think it’s a very exciting song! I will do my utmost for the performance, so I hope you enjoy it when I’ll perform during the live. In the lyrics it says “Let’s believe in a world that we drew together”, but it’s filled with thoughts like “It’ll come true with all those who support you!”. I’ll be very happy if everyone can hear it with such feelings!

SION: “Turn Into Love” means “Come to be Love*”. Those who know us and those who don’t, I hope that if you listen to this song your love for Hi!Superb will deepen. It's our important debut song. I think it became a good beginning. In other words, amazing!

MAGURA: It’s our splendid debut song! I think that more songs will see the light from now on, but I think that this became the iconic song of Hi!Superb.

Q. “Turn Into Love” has a MV, but what are the points worthy of note?

MAGURA: There are a lot of  lip synch scenes, but each personality comes out amazingly. By all means, find out each of our personalities.

LEO: The lightning tone scene at the beginning leaves a strong impression.

RYO: Yep, yep! Me too, my switch turns on when listening to the thunder at the beginning!

MAGURA: RYO-kun’s lively switch?

OMI: It sounds different when it comes to it.

SION: Suddenly comical, haha.

LEO: But, it may be true that that sound surely contains feelings. At that moment, it really feels like from one we become five.

SION: Usually everyone separes this way, but in this MV a lot of sex appeal comes out.

Q. Thank you very much. Is there anything you would like to challenge yourself with in the future?

MAGURA: Since SION can speak english and chinese, it’d be nice to have a place to use that skill.

RYO: Sounds nice! I want to go overseas!!

OMI: How simple-minded, but I sure want to challenge myself and perform overseas as soon as possible.

LEO: Since our motto is to challenge anything, I'd also like the 5 of us to star in play someday.

RYO: Ah--!! That’s nice too! I wanna do that too! And I'd like to be on the cover page of a magazine! MY★STAR stuff, I’ll be in your care!!

SION: OMI-kun and MAGU-chan already said it earlier, but we shouldn’t stop in Japan; we’ll start up activities overseas and live the american dream (※Editorial note: It was a very good pronunciation....!)

OMI: There’s a part in Turn Into Love that says “To a world we have yet to see”, but I think that the future we can't even imagine is waiting down the road. A play, activities overseas too, precisely because we’re not known I want to challenge myself to see what I can do.

RYO: How nice! Like, basketball!? 

OMI: .... What?

MAGURA: Ah, I’ll make the teams.

RYO: As expected, I think that it’s good for the 5 of us to sweat over one spor...

OMI: Leader, the final words to you.

LEO: Eh-!! (lol)

Q. By all means, please give us a final message!

LEO: Understood (lol). Hi!Superb is a group of which charm lies in performances and team work. Said charm can be seen in lives, no matter how many times I say it!! So, anyway, come see us first. If you think you were deceived, I’ll say it one more time! There’s also the MV attached to the special edition CD released in May, so I think you can enjoy it more if you see the images and listen to the songs, that’ll make us happier than anything. But even without preparations, since we’re making a stage that you can enjoy, I’ll say it again, please do come and see us Hi!Superb.

ALL:  By all means~!

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*Sion actually says “Turn Into Loveの意味は愛に変わるです”. “愛に変わる” means “Turn Into Love”, but in order not to sound redundant, it was changed to something with a similar meaning.