#and people in the comments are shitting themselves like OMG IM HIDING IN THE COMMENTS THIS IS SO SCARY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

peachie-bumblebee · 9 months

Note

Hey so this might be weird but would you be able to do some Vanessa nsfw Headcanons? If not, I would also like more glamrock chica content

hi love! so at this time i can’t seem to get much inspiration for Vanessa!! it’s not a weird request at all, and I’m currently doing a rewatch of the OG SB content with my partner, so I will put it right there for when I feel more confident in my writing abilities for that character. for now, enjoy some chica content <3

NSFW HEADCANONS WITH GLAMROCK CHICA- EXTENDED

NSFW MINORS DNI

she’s actually so baby girl

CW: GENERAL KINK DISCUSSION, LIGHT DISCUSSION OF IMPACT PLAY

i’m actually so obsessed with her you have no idea. no no idea.

as before mentioned, she’s a toy FREAK

she gets her toys either through discreet delivery (she has a deal with a worker where if they get it to her no questions asked, she’ll let them hide in her room for good chunks of their shift) or adult customers (aspiring groupies) have caught onto the fact that if they give her ones, she’ll take them

she eSPECIALLY loves when they give her something more custom to her design and aesthetic.

her type is anyone she can find cute. seriously. if she can make them blush once, she’s starting to think about the soonest she can get them into a closet

don’t get me wrong, she’s not the type to initiate first- she’s very careful about it. but if the vibe is there and they’re both receptive, then yeah. she wants them on her dick and sucking her clit!!

chica is a FREAK and i’m tired of y’all saying she isn’t. she’s also mostly a top..

i want you to look at her stretch her arms in that gif. really look at it.

she’s got a little heart design on her pussy front hshsshghjss

and her clit is pink

LOVES fingering. she loves fingering her partners, getting fingered, both at the same time-

she likes to have her partners touch themselves for her to watch across the room. literally put on a show for her!!

thinks its cute when they get shy but always shows them how not to be ;)

makes those sharp giggle-gasps during sex hhh

she LOVES quickies. she’ll show up backstage ready for a show and have been in you 5 minutes prior

i’m sorry but she and Roxy have fucked at least once. it’s just to blow off steam and it doesn’t affect their friendship much, but they’re definitely close

once got caught by a security worker sneaking 3 people in 😭😭😭

as mentioned in Animalistic- she’s very willing to help her friends out for anything having to do with their sex lives

if they need her maze, or a toy, or someone to watch and degrade? she’s down !!

she’s pretty passionate about the guitar so her fingers are literally programmed to help her be quick with them. she will use this to your advantage

CHICA ONE NIGHT IM ACTUALLY BEGGING

she LOVES it when someone gets on their knees to eat her out. loves that shit, she leans back and gets comfy

she’s so so cute during aftercare omg. she’s a cuddler.

she would 100% get her partner some cute lil collar or something with her logo that they could wear

her strap giving style is definitely a lot of hip movement and full, quick thrusts

she just gives good dick. she just does.

she’s so good at handjobs stfu. stfu she is. she’s the type to kinda giggle through the whole thing cuz she thinks her partners reactions are adorable

BAD BITCH WANNA FUCKKK 😩😩😩😩

i’m sorry i feel like i might be the only one but LORD she has me giggling and 🤭🤭🤭🤭

i can see her being into giving impact play, but not too hard at all. it’s more of things that lightly to mediumly sting and slap then anything too extreme in that area

if she’s bottoming she’s still a bit of a power bottom

i don’t see her getting all melty and submissive like that

AINT NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT THO ‼️‼️‼️

her pussy probably tastes like strawberries

i hoped you enjoyed! be sure to comment, reblog w tags and comments, and requests!! it really makes my day <3 love you all!

#peachiebumblebee #peachie bumblebee #fnaf security breach x reader #security breach ruin #security breach smut #glamrock chica #glamrock chica smut #glamrock chica x reader #glamrock chica x roxanne wolf #security breach #security breach x reader

136 notes · View notes

anarchistartistvt · 1 month

Text

anyways the only reason donut is backpedaling and telling people to not look for the nsfw shit is because it’s extremely likely mitchie made the kittydoggee account.

a simple look at mitchie’s art will give away the congruent artstyles in both images. the uncensored image also showed a clear inability to draw proper male genitalia, implying that the person who drew it didn’t draw NSFW content regularly. Given that mitchie is a minor, it adds up.

people weren’t looking for the picture, they were looking for the account because it was made a couple days before any of this doc bullshit happened. I have statements from others, saying that it was made March 9th. people are trying to fact check shit because if proven true, mitchie just blew a massive hole in their defenses.

They got caught with their guard down and are backpedaling as much as possible.

While they are right to be upset that such offensive material was being spread, they only have themselves to blame, since one of their victims made it.

just by speculation, it’s possible mitchie made this to defend their point, saying that the pro-Alex side is bad and evil, when in reality they quite literally made CP of themselves. And so far, people are falling for it. Comments such as “omg this is so horrible, Alex defenders are the worst” are spreading, and it’s only enabling their bullshit.

also an interesting observation: mitchie has no images of their sona anywhere. yet this other account knew what their sona looked like, and donut CONFIRMED it was mitchie. if an account was made a week ago, how would they be able to properly draw mitchie’s sona when there are zero photos of it on their page? not to mention, mitchie’s pfp isn’t even their sona.

Also wanna add that the account only followed 8 people before it was suspended. Given that there were 8 victims who spoke up, it’s definitely weird.

Not to mention that Donut was actively HIDING posts supporting Alex or not supporting any of the victims. Yet, they didn’t do anything about this. This kittydoggee account was commenting on their posts and it wasn’t getting hidden. It was out in the open, sitting in the comments. Given how proactive Donut was with post interactions, I find it odd how this somehow slipped under the radar.

Not to mention? Why is donut becoming a mouthpiece for mitcha? If all cases are separate from one another, shouldn’t mitcha speak for themselves and themselves alone?

Legally speaking, making porn of someone without their consent is without a doubt sexual harassment, but im not sure if it’s also considered revenge porn. Given that there’s already word going around that this whole callout was a revenge porn plot, it’s not looking good for the victims.

mitchie went on to double down, saying that they contacted an organization about the art. They stated they would be taking a break until everything cleared up, and said accusations made against them would be documented.

MIND YOU, THEY DIDNT DENY SHIT.

So basically, they’re removing themselves from everything because they possibly got caught.

Second to last pic I found interesting. Mitcha bashed me for a suicide attempt, said that Alex Kister made them attempt suicide, and yet posts shit like this.

You’re not slick, mitcha.

#the mandela catalogue #tmc #alex kister

41 notes · View notes

battleangel · 6 months

Text

Why Cant I Be Naked Outside?

Ive been naked inside of my apartment all day for the past two days.

Im a full-time freelance podcaster.

What started out as pure laziness and a response to an arthritis flareup turned into a thought experiment:

What would happen if I went outside naked right now?

Why cant I go outside like this? Who am I hurting?

One of the biggest bullshit programming in American soeicty from the literal time we are "born" is you cant be naked outside.

Lifelong conditioning, programming, brainwashing and endless reinforcements.

And I literally cant walk outside right now naked without potentially being arrested, harrassed, assaulted, raped, abducted and/or killed.

The societal programming against public nudity is both conscious and subconscious, subtle and overt, transparent & hidden, embedded & obvious.

Why cant I go outside naked?

Bullshit automatic responses:

•Safety

•Hygiene

•"Public decency".

Lmao.

"Order & morality".

Big fucking yikes.

Why does the state have an "interest"?

Hygiene is such a crock.

The people who say omg!hygiene like the ones who commented my tiktok in my underwear are all full of shit.

The lie is vaginal discharge, menstrual bleeding and STIs (genital warts & herpes, etc) could potentially infect and/or transmit diseases, bacteria, germs, etc on public chairs, benches, seats, stadiums, etc if people werent wearing underwear.

So, they claim not wearing underwear is "unhygienic" therefore public nudity laws are necessary.

So, if I go outside in underwear that covers my butt and pussy and nothing else, were good to go right?

Ofcourse not, because there are topless laws for women.

Nipples are outlawed.

There isnt the slightest pretense about hygiene.

They just screech about "teh childrenz!" (who also have nipples btw) and "public decency" and they throw in a lie about how its "unsafe for women" when they would be the first ones out there raping the first woman who had her tits out.

Yeah, okay.

Its not about "morality", "order", "decency", "hygiene" or "safety".

Its about motherfucking control, repression, paternalism, the patriarchy, misogyny, sexualizing the female body, the contrived creation of the "forbidden" and the "taboo", its about making people hate their bodies, shame, repression, forced guilt, sex is bad, hiding the body, no confidence, never flaunting, women never owning their sexuality, Madonna/whore complex, virginity as a prized communal possession, virgin as status and trophy, women presenting themselves to men to be consumed, women presenting themselves as objects of desire, equating femininity with demureness and being ladylike with being pure innocent and virginal, female obsession with clothes hair makeup jewelry endlesd adornments plastic surgery dieting through othering their own bodied by keeping it hidden under bras underwears Spanx Skims undergarments girdles slips tights stockings skirts dresses jeans pants shorts corsets socks knee highs thigh highs, othering mystifying commodifying & pornifying the female body by keeping it hidden in real life from men until they lose their virginity and creating an environment where men depersonalize the female body and make it a vessel of their endless wet dreams and masturbatory fantasies.

If everyone was naked from jump street (we are but we dont stay that way), noone would give a shit.

Nudist colonies and beaches are like that, nudity is the everyday norm so noone reacts, cares, stares, points, ridicules, insults, harrasses, etc.

They all just go about their day at the beach, eating, shopping -- so then, why cant we all do that at non-nudist colonies & beaches?

Please.

They want the rapes, sexual assaults, molestation, sexual abuse, hebephilia, pedophilia, sex addictions and compulsions, sex disorders, repressions & traumas.

Its a tool of societal control to control the populace just like violence is.

US has the most violence per capita in the world.

Gun deaths, shootings, stabbings and murders.

It doesnt have to be this way.

They want it this way.

Why are my vulva, labia and nipples such a problem?

Why has my naked female body been so sexualized, otherized & dehumanized?

Why is a natural thing -- my naked female human body as is -- something that is met with such force, sexualized violence, oppression, repressed desires, rage, outrage, anger, terror, shock, revulsion, arrests, being killed while in custody, jailed, convicted, fined?

Why cant I just walk outside like this, fully naked, and check the mail all of two minutes away and then walk right back to my apartment without saying anything or interacting with anyone?

Why does my landlord care?

Why does the mailman care?

Why does the white stay at home Karen, her dry ass husband and Little Timmy and Madison care?

Why does the maintenance man at my apartment complex care?

Why do my three neighbors in my apartment complex -- all male and single -- one downstairs under me, one upstairs and one downstairs in the unit next to me care?

Why does the person walking their dog care?

Why does the doordash delivery driver care?

Why does the school bus driver care?

Why does a naked female body elicit such strong, visceral, ugly, vicious, violent, unhinged responses?

13 notes · View notes

tendercoretroglodyke · 3 years

Note

... I’m interested in legitimately gay Reese (I assume one piece of evidence is “look at what they’re doing and tell me you’re not gay”)

okay this is like 2 days late but this is why reese malcolminthemiddle is legitimately gay:

(side note: did anyone need a queer media thesis paper or something... I am willing to share lmao)

so none of this is like... rock solid evidence or anything but I need to believe at least one main character of a show is gay and/or trans to maintain interest and reese is the most plausible gay character. also it’s early 2000′s so he just gets a lot of vaguely homophobic jokes lmao

first of all, yes, the biggest piece of evidence he’s gay is those lines from that episode I quoted the other day--thinking malcolm is gay, he tries to show his support by giving him a gay porno: “’Naught Pool Boys 3!’ I watched 10 or 12 of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like.” and when malcolm says he isn’t gay, reese responds “Malcolm. Check out what those guys are doing in that movie, and THEN tell me you’re not gay.”-- so, 1) reese sat down and watched like a dozen gay porn movies to ““find a good one for his gay brother”” and 2) he thinks malcolm would reconsider his heterosexuality if he watched what was in that movie, implying that HE reconsidered his sexuality after watching that movie, or at the very least found it hot

in the same episode, the character tricking malcolm into thinking reese is gay lists the following as evidence: he obsesses over his hair and his looks, loves his gourmet cooking, has a bunch of magazines covered in comically muscular men, and that he’s angry and acts like a jerk because he’s “dealing with something weird and confusing.” now obviously, the obsession with hair/looks can be chalked up to the fact that he’s a teenage boy, and there’s nothing inherently gay about enjoying cooking. the dozen magazines of muscle-bound men could certainly be taken as gay evidence, though, and it IS established in the show that his entire bully persona is his way of masking his inner feelings and insecurities. there’s literally a whole episode where he & malcolm realize they have no friends because they act like little shits to push people away because they’re afraid of rejection and/or abandonment from their peers. they ostracize themselves before they can be ostracized by the other students at school. I could probably write a whole other essay on reese’s psyche tbqh lmao there’s a shocking amount there!!

of the brothers who are actually old enough to be attracted to girls (reese, malcolm, and francis), he shows the least interest. now bear with me here. you might be thinking, “well, yeah, it’s malcolm’s show, we’re not gonna see things from other people’s perspective!” but that is actually surprisingly untrue, the show is very much equally shown from each family members’ perspectives. starting about s2, when malcolm is in early middle school, he starts getting crushes on girls and pursuing them. francis goes after a few women in the first couple seasons and then marries a woman we see a lot throughout the show.

in the roughly... 130?? episodes I have watched so far, nearly all of reese’s “interest” in girls involve either: competition with malcolm, genuinely just liking her as a friend, or some completely ulterior motive. the only exception to this I can think of is in the early seasons where he has a crush on a cheerleader and tries to get on her good side by joining the cheerleading squad, which the writers clearly set up as a way to make gay jokes about reese. let me give you a few examples of his relationships with girls

the first relationship we see him in is with a “stupid girl” that malcolm tried (and failed) to date, and the main reason they get together is that they think on the same wavelength and genuinely seem to enjoy hanging out. they take breaks from their bro chats to make out every once in a while. eventually he gets her to break up with him because he doesn’t want to go to the school dance with her (he doesn’t want to go at all). years later, he’s dating some girl we meet for like 5 minutes, before he goes to confess to her that she’s the first girl he’s ever loved. she then breaks up with him. he’s sad, but taking it fairly well. he’s about to leave when he sees malcolm hiding under the bed, and learns that he stole his girlfriend. he then runs away to join the army. he was clearly MUCH more upset that his brother stole his girlfriend than he was that his girlfriend broke up with him. there are many more instances of him and malcolm competing for a girl’s affections, and he seems mostly motivated by the competition itself.

in addition to “stupid girl,” he also manufactures an “attraction” to his female army buddy in the last season. the premise of this episode is that his old army buddy (a girl he play-wrestles with and insults like he would his own brothers) comes to visit him, and malcolm convinces reese that she’s attracted to him, and that reese’s nervousness at learning that fact is proof he’s in love with her. there’s a misunderstanding where reese asks her if she has certain “feelings” and she says she does, but what she ACTUALLY means is that she has a crush on reese’s MOM. she’s a lesbian. reese later propositions her (saying he’s saved his virginity for this--he’s probably about 18 here), and when she says omg no im gay, he is HUGELY relieved they can go back to being friends. CLASSIC mlm/wlw friendship moment.

there’s an episode where these cute girls pick up reese (& nerds) to kiss in front of their boyfriends to make them jealous. reese is all for it, and when malcolm argues that it’s not worth his dignity and the beating he’ll get from the girl’s boyfriend, reese counters that that’s WHY he wants to do this--he’s completely invisible at school, and thinks getting beaten up for kissing some guy’s girlfriend will at least make him known around school. at no point does he indicate he’s actually attracted to this girl, and when it comes time to kiss her, he finds the weakest excuse to run away at the last minute.

im not gonna list all of these but there’s more lmao

the following is a random assortment of one-off gay jokes and out-of-context lines with gay reese implications, often homophobically bc its early 2000′s writing:

says “I’m gay” to a girl to give malcolm a better shot at her

(again in competition with malcolm) tries to flirt with a girl by spraying milk in her face as the punchline to a joke, which is. well. hm. self-sabotaging, to say the least!!

Reese: “Do you think it’s right to totally change who you are and turn your back on EVERYTHING you believe in, just to impress a hot guy??” [his dad gives a long, blank stare, before asking:] “...Burt Reynolds hot, or Sting hot?”

“YEAH I like clouds! I call them sky kittens :)” (I just think that one’s sweet!)

“Look, Christie, here’s the thing. When I first met you, I was just messing around. But we’ve gotten so close that, now... I really like you! I can’t keep this up anymore. I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve been pretending since the day I met you. It’s so hard having to constantly cover my tracks to keep my story straight... and I don’t WANT to anymore! I’m tired of living this lie! I’m done with it. I’m sorry.”

he catfishes some guy to blackmail him, but is implied to continue the flirtation even after the catfishing/blackmail is revealed

reese is, technically, married to a man. this particular plot point is played as a joke and manages to be both racist and homophobic, so I won’t go into it. but I believe he is still married to that man. technically.

reese takes care of a huge box full of caterpillars until they pupate and become beautiful butterflies. I feel like there’s some kind of gay coming out metaphor here somewhere.

I think there are a couple other times where he comments on a guy’s attractiveness but I couldn’t find specific instances.

In conclusion: Reese is a deeply repressed gay kid who was socialized SO thoroughly as an early 2000′s straight boy that, despite his attraction for men and his obvious compulsory heterosexuality, he still cannot admit to himself that he is gay even as he enters adulthood. Furthermore, his subconscious frustration about this fact is turned outward to form the “schoolyard bully” costume he uses to mask his insecurities and keep others from getting too close to him.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I could be convinced to come back for another talk about how Dewey is trans or about how each and every member of that family is neurodivergent in entirely different ways. Assuming anyone has read this far in the first place!!

#sorry this was so long lmao I legit spent 2 hours on this #I have 2 modes: not doing the thing and overdoing the thing #hey anon if you actually see this I'd appreciate a quick message saying so lmao I'd hate to write all this only for you to miss it #I'll probably rb sometime tomorrow at least #also liz if you're reading this i was GONNA add a bit about francis' gay potential like you mentioned but I ran out of steam so remind me t #i think reese has the most gay potential tho #mitm #malcolm in the middle #anonymous #Anonymous

132 notes · View notes

not-me-simping-for-blasty · 3 years

Note

Yo, so I flew through Wrong Number, Asshole (which is 😙👌) and I thought his quirk going off over the phone was so cute. But do you think he’d be insecure about it??? Like about holding hands or trying to keep it together if his s/o says something embarrassing? And what else do you think would he be embarrassed about with s/o?

omg tysm!!! i love writing that story so much so i’m glad u enjoy it!!! we do love a good soulmate au here hehe

aNd wow what a good ask thank u for this im obsessed with it and this is gonna be soooo long omg soz

-okay so first. yes. 100,, 10000% embarrassed about it. he feels like he should have his shit together with his quirk since it’s what Bakugou’s so proud of,,,, and like that’s mostly true???

-except i personally hc that his quirk also ties into intense emotion the same way regular sweating does,,, like, if he feels rlly strongly about something, instead of normal sweating it’s just straight nitroglycerin. and he has to like actively learn how to get a handle on it as he grows too!! so like anxiety sweating? sure he’s got it under control, been there done that. scared sweating?? only gets scared in battle and he’s already exploding things by then so its all good. but love???

-oml has no iDEA how to handle it!! i fully believe bakugou’s idiotic mad brain doesn’t fall easy, but when he does , he falls hARD. so lets say he has a major major crush for the first time ever, and he’s just sweating everywhere and his skin feels like it’s on fire - mans just pops. like a bacon griddle. not full on explosions bc he’s not actively setting them off ,, but if u do something cute, something that gets his heart racing just right he’ll pop

-i kinda imagine it’s bc Bakugou can’t understand what he’s feeling bc he’s a big dumb angry person so instead of just accepting his crush he’s like “oh. my palms are exploding by themselves. and i think about s/o constantly. huh. both things at the same time must mean i want to fight them- yeah that’s it. i just wanna fight ‘em real bad.” which only leads to more little explosions.

-pLeasE heLP hIm

-but anyways, you better not say a sinGle thing about this if u see it or hear it. bc man’s is not one to be embarrassed without putting up a fight,,, and this is about explosions , something he knows,,, so he’ll be like “yeah? wanna fuckin’ make fun of me, huh? i’ll show u what to fuckin’ make fun of!” and then just decide to set off a close range explosion in his hands or blow something near u up to high hell

-what can i say, he’s an idiot??

-congratulate katsuki on the explosion tho,, tell him it was really big and scary and thats when you’ll get him reaLLY embarrassed and keep him embarrassed

-speaking of hand holding tho,, he’ll be super nervous to try at first. like he doesn’t want u to end up feeling the little pops bc you’ll ask and then he’ll have to embarrassed and explain and he just isn’t a fan of that idea alright?? quickly comes to realize tho, as he experiences it, that if you hold his hand you’ll actually smother the little explosions??? like just- nothing will happen bc there’s not enough oxygen for anything to combust unless he makes it combust. which he won’t. obviously.

-oooO and here’s sum other “embarrassing” things he does that you’re ~not allowed~ to comment on

will stare in private. just generally zone out and stare at you- don’t say anything tho!!! bc otherwise he’ll get all huffy and “what the hell are you even makin’ that stupid shit up for! I’d never be caught dead starin’ at an idiot like you” - all said while still simultaneously staring at you.

tries to impress you. like if other people are around that he think u might like, he’ll challenge them to like weird physical feats or intelligence tests or he even somehow turns telling jokes into a competition??? and he’s so competitive it’s obvious too, but u can’t say anything about it. just let him express his love through borderline violence and victory lust ig bc there’s pretty much no stopping him

will cook food for you. don’t comment on how good it tastes tho bc for some reason he finds how much he wants to take care of u majORLY embarrassing

being physically affectionate. man’s almost never grows the balls to initiate hugs or hand-holding or cuddling bc he finds it mega embarrassing to be needy so if he does?? and then you make a joke like “oh, you’re so clingy today, huh” ?? man’s will throw u away from him and never touch u again unless u ask, so just don’t say anything. pleASE

remembering small details. Bakugou’s actually pretty smart and if he likes u then he actually listens to what you have to say,,, this means he’ll remember 3 weeks ago when u said u had a test that day, and ask u about it when he sees u- don’t say any “oh! im suprised u remembered!’ or anything tho,, he’ll get huffy

-and finally, here is a lil list, as a bonus just for u my love, of normal person behaviors that you do that ??somehow?? embarrass immature and emotionally-stunted bakugou katsuki:))

If he sees you do anything embarrassing like trip, or drop food on yourself, or swallow a drink the wrong way and end up coughing, etc.,, if it was literally anyone else Bakugou would just laugh, loudly, bc he’s an ass,, but ur not just anyone else. ur his s/o and suddenly seeing you do that stuff feels so intimate!! esp bc he would’ve never even seen if in the first place if he wasnt paying so much attention to u!!!

saying hi to him first when he’s with other people. like, example, lets say he’s with the bakusquad and they’re just all just hanging out in the common room, right,, so u walk in, see them all sitting there and wave, but u say “Hi bakugou, hi guys!” just bc u were excited to see him. man’s will go rED SO FAST AND HIDE HIS FACE

bending down to tie your shoes. no explanation needed- he’s a guy.

if you go to the store and ask him if he needs anything. it’s literally so simple but for some reason his heart just seizes?? like?? ur thinking about him the same way he thinks about u all the time???? and ur concerned enough to get him something if he needs it??? please he’s goNe, just a whole-ass pile of blushing

if you’re sitting in a group and you look at him everytime something funny is said. bc ofc he’s already going to be looking at u to see ur reaction, so when ur eyes meet and you’re laughing and smiling bakugou just gets so flustered!!!

wearing an outfit he knows nobody else has seen before. this could be new clothes, his clothes, pajamas, old clothes u wouldn’t wear in public, even halloween costumes before a party???- point is, if Bakugou knows nobody else has seen you like that, and only he gets to?? boy is sO SOFT and embarrassed about it

tysm again!! this was such a fun ask!!!! <333

#bnha bakugou #bakugou x y/n #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha bakugou #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou headcanons #bakugou hcs

156 notes · View notes

holywankenobi · 4 years

Text

SW fandom rant

To be honest, I don't really know how or where can I start talking about this. If you aren't interested in any of the Star Wars drama that is going on then skip this post, cause its gonna be long... these goes for the SW fans we are concerned about the whole situation itself. I barely have the strength to do this and exposing my opinion about certain things makes me uncomfortable but it's been a long while since I'm keeping things to myself. There's much information I have to process so please be patient with me since I barely know how to express my emotions in the right way (that's why I'm holding myself back a lot here: it will seem I'm calm... but I'm not. I'm angry and tired at the same time).

DISNEY CANON

We all know where it all started. The Force Awakens premiere in 2015. We will start from there.

As ANY star wars movie, there will be people who liked it, people who loved it and people who hated it. And there is where some fans clash with the others. Fans who enjoy practically every movie or SW related things and those fans who demonize every movie (specially the ones from the new Disney canon) and the only thing that matters for them are the episodes IV, V, VI and the Legends canon (some of them also defend the prequel episodes I, II and III, fact which I'll talk about it later). And they bash against everyone who likes the Disney sequels.

BOI IM SCARED OF TELLING PEOPLE THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE SAGA SO FAR. And I already had problems with Legends hardcore fans.

Let me tell this straightaway... Star Wars are movies for kids. They've always been. George Lucas said it. They seem to be thirsty for feeling again what they felt when they were kids whenever a SW movie comes out but they always exit the cinema with a feeling of extreme disappointment.

I was talking about the last movie with my co workers at the beginning of the year and they complaint it was "too Disney". And that's precisely what I'm trying to explain! It's ok whether you like the sequels or not like them. Everyone has his own taste. I just find funny complaining for a whole saga originally made for kids for being "too Disney". I dont know if you get my point here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEsOqEpNF0k&list=PL8SlwcJuVWR2FNtL-6Wo5QUP6LMjpNJUA

LEGENDS CANON

Then there's those who hated the prequels, that said there was nothing worse than the phantom menace, those who hated on George Lucas for doing such a crap, but now praise the prequels because Disney is satan for them and they want the old canon back. George Lucas ended up selling SW to Disney because, he ain't no fool, he knows this fanbase is one of the most toxic and ungrateful that has ever existed. And he saw it with the prequels feedback... Then they now have the guts to demand him to continue the old canon? Smells like hypocrite-crying fanboys to me.

My whole point is....It's ok if you are a new/Disney sequels fan, it's ok if you are a prequels fan, it's ok if you are a SW original movies fan, Legends canon fan, OG fan, casual fan, hardcore fan... as always you understand that not everyone will agree with your point of view, not everyone will like or think the same way as you do, or live SW the same way as you do. There's a difference between respecting and agreeing with, concepts which sometimes get mixed and taken as the same thing, which is not. Respect other fans mean "I don't agree with you but I know how much this means for you, so I won't intentionally mock you" WHICH THING LEADS US TO THE NEXT TOPIC:

JOHN BOYEGA

*takes a deep breath*

Man. I dont know. He's a full grown up man and he's behaving like a 5 yo on his social media...... John is the actor who gives life to Finn (the ex stormtrooper). It all started with this sexist comment he responded to a fan in his IG.

Then people (naturally) got offended, specially reylos. But instead of apologizing he kept on going, remarked what he said and also did a video to mock the reylo community.

You think I'm only defending a ship here but no. Its bigger than that. He has the right to feel left out in this saga because I agree with him IN THAT FACT. He is probably the actor which is more into the SW world, he was always a big fan (of the whole cast I mean). Thats why fans love him do much. And I did love him too. And he (naturally) wanted to have more spotlight on this saga ( I think Finn was one of the most wasted characters of these movies tbh) But instead of taking it the mature way he's having a tantrum on his IG because Finnrey did not become a real thing, he's trolling reylos and encouraging SW haters and antis to bully them whose are already having a hard time with TROS end (which I'll talk about later because I dont like their attitude about it either).

And it's not just raise the hate on shippers thing dude you could just apologize because you said something sexist and offended a lot of people who ship reylo and really means a thing for them. The whole thing that the greatest achievement a man can have with a woman is sex is just DISGUSTING. Rey kissed Ben but now he's gone Finn has the road clear and can fuck her? BRUH.

This is all so wrong and he was the one who started it.

ADAM DRIVER

I'm really relieved Adam does not have any social media because omg I would be suffering so much rn...

I honestly have never emotionally connected with an actor so much as I did with him. His whole acting is so good and I could really notice on this last movie. I'm starting to watch his other movies. And not just his acting, he's so professional off camera too.

I'm really happy and proud of him for his Oscar nomination, he really deserves it TT

But I'm worried this whole John Boyega thing affects him. Idk how I would feel if I were in his shoes, if my coworker was saying those things on social media and then smile at me like nothing is happening. But honestly what hurts me the most is he's having a worse time with "reylos".. I think the rumors of him having an affair with Daisy Ridley was what messed things up. I honestly dont know if its true, I've got some info but it's hard to believe. Because there are so many haters manipulating fake info that I dont trust anything and anyone anymore.

And this is where I talk about:

REYLOS AND DAIVERS

BOI OH BOI

This is gonna be hard....

First of all, I don't consider Daivers (Daisy x Adam shippers) as part of the reylo community. I'm sorry. But its fucking disgusting you going to demand Adam to divorce from his wife, abandon his son and then start dating Daisy because of this rumor or because you can't separate fiction from reality.... I read he even recieved death threats ARE WE NUTS??? They (Adam and Daisy) having a good chemistry working together doesn't mean they are in love, kids...

Driver has an awesome wife and a lovely son. Daisy is currently dating someone.

Infidelity is gross. No more. And I would be so disappointed at them if this turns out to be true. But seeing all what's happening around the actors and specially having all this haters out there... I'll say this was all false information.

Daiver is not real and won't be. So stick only to the fictional ship.....

About Reylo itself. I find REALLY funny how people who dont know shit about what this ship means say it's an abusive relationship. Bullshit. I wouldn't be shipping them if so.

Also the people still stating it's not real/canon hiding themselves behind the "Ben solo is dead lol" argument. Do you stop loving someone when they die?

Yes, they love each other. No, it wasn't always reciprocated love. They started being enemies in the force awakens, friends who understood and cared for each other through force dyad in the last jedi and ended up being lovers at the end of the rise of Skywalker. Rey wants to revenge her family (her falling to the dark side) but also wants Ben Solo back, and he wants to be the most powerful leader on the galaxy and still being kylo ren. But they eventually meet in the middle between light and dark and Leia finally reaches out to him to make him turn to the light.That's their fight. That's the angst. That's the tea. "No one is ever really gone" there's always hope. Star Wars is centered in HOPE. And their story represents it at its finest.

NOW. The reylo community.

Despite you liked it or not the end they gave to the saga... I think JJ Abrams doesn't deserve all the hate he's receiving... he probably did a lot of things wrong but seriously... just stop. Not only from reylos but the whole fandom.

Sending hate won't lead to anything now...

I enjoyed The rise of Skywalker. Indeed I spent half of the movie crying and I loved it.

You can cry as much as you want the loss of Ben (although I have hope for him still being alive in a way, there are plenty of theories) but that doesn't give you the right to death threat JJ. And I think I'll stop here cause I'm already tired.

Everyone has their own taste, preferences, favourite characters, ships, whatever. I pray for people stop judging others for their tastes, specially in this cursed fanbase. Sorry if I ever misbehaved trying to defend what I think or like. I just want this place to be supportive and safe for everyone and everything what's happening is not helping... We are all SW fans and that's our connection point. Dont discredit others for having another point of view...

I'll leave it here, but I'm open to debate or talk about anything I said in a respectful way.

#tros #tros rant #star wars rant #reylo #the rise of reylo #adam driver #john boyega #star wars 9 #star wars ix #star wars ep 9 #the rise of skywalker

11 notes · View notes

saviormysticmeme · 5 years

Note

Hello! Can you write about MC who is a popular you tuber and is live streaming a horror game. They then get jumped scared, shrieks, and Jumin/Jaehee/Yoosung run in to see what's wrong and MC's like "oh hey babe" and the comment section goes WILD when they discover that they have a lover. How would they each respond to the shriek and the comments is basically what I'm asking. Sorry that this is long af I'm just excited to see what you'll write! :D Thank you a million times

I love this ask so much tbh. I tried writing for it before and just didn’t love it so it never got posted.

Yoosung/Jaehee/Jumin with a Lets Player MC

Yoosung:

“KYAAAAAAAAAA”

He heard it from downstairs and nearly fell out of his gaming chair. The second he heard it, pure adrenaline pumped through him and as he tumbled to the floor in attempts to get up so fast, he pushed off and used it all as momentum, sprinting for the stairs.

“MC!?” He shouted as he bear ran up the stairs and thrust himself into your occasionally shared bedroom.

Hearing the door open behind you, in addition to the monster on your screen, only succeeded in scaring you more, and thus you let another “AHHHHHHHHH” rip from your mouth. This violent reaction from you in turn scared Yoosung and he “WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”.

There was a few seconds of the both of you screaming before, suddenly, almost in unison. You both stopped.

“…MC?”

“Is everything alright Yoosung?”“Me?! I should be asking you! I heard you scream.”“Oh…yeah I’m playing.” To which you rolled your chair a little sideways to point at the many zombies swarming your computer screen. “Wait are you…streaming!?!? You never told me!!!” Yoosung looked surprised, which quickly turned to a bit of deflation at the thought you were hiding this from him.“Well I usually just do horror games…and like weird dating sims. But I never wanted to make you feel obligated to wat-” and with that you noticed the streeeeaaaam of comments popping up in the video feed

Who is that

Omg is that MCPlays boyfriend??

He’s so cute!!

Wait a second that looks like a guy I play LOLOL with….

They’re so cute

YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND

Stream together? Please? You guys seem cute.

Oooooo Lovers quarrel

Omg he’s so cute.

KISS, KISS, KISS

You saw all the comments and started twiddling your hair between your thumbs. “Aha, Yoosung, I think we have fans.”

“Wha…” As Yoosung began reading over your shoulders, he began turning very, very, red.

Jaehee

“HELP!” Jaehee’s eyes went wide as she heard the shout. She put her coffee and book down and began hastily walking towards your door. Last she heard you were playing video games, so shouting wasn’t out of the ordinary, but this one made her a little anxious and she felt she had to check.“MC?” She cautiously stuck her head in. You turned to look at her from your computer.“Babe! Sorry! I tried to keep it down but this one hoard took me by surprise…” You shot her an apologetic look.

Jaehee gave you a soft smile, assuring you that she wasn’t upset. In case you weren’t positive, she followed up with “Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?”

“Ooooooh! Coffee please?” You got excited at the prospect of her home brewed coffee.

Jaehee nodded and slipped back out the door.Once she had the coffee ready she brought it back upstairs, but this time you were mid round, she could tell by the look on your face so she walked over to you to set the coffee down, and that’s when she noticed the endless stream of comments. “MC? Are all these people on your team?”“Huh? Haha, no! They’re just watching me play.”“People…just watch?”“Yeah. Viewers, this is my girlfriend Jaehee, Jaehee, these are the Viewers. Say hi!”The brunette leaned over your shoulder, a bit of a deer in the headlights look as she saw her face pop up on screen. She hadn’t even realized you had the face cam on. Then she really started noticing what the comments were saying.

DID MC JUST SAY ‘GIRLFRIEND’

Whoa wait youre….?

That’s so cute! You two are so cute! And she brings you coffee? Ugh. Goals.

Does she know anything about video games? You guys should play together.

UGH THEYRE BOTH SO HOT IT ISNT FAIR

Hi Jaehee! Nice to meet you!

She has a really soothing voice…is that weird to say?

Both of you look so good together ahhhhh

“O-Oh.” Jaehee raised a light hand. “Hi Viewers.”Only to chuckle as the chat exploded even more and blush when she heard your charming laugh.

Jumin

“OH GOD” followed by what sounded like a muffled string of cusses assaulted Jumin’s ears from within his home office. His eyes shot up, but he was frozen for half a second as so many scenarios ran through his head. He shoved his chair back and briskly walked to your room, asking “MC? Are you alright?”The cusses sounded more angry than scared, so he wondered if you hurt yourself. However, you didn’t seem to hear him and thus didn’t respond, putting a little more pace in his step.

He swung the door to your computer room open, and you didn’t even seem to notice thanks to those damn noise cancelling headphones you got. Hell you didn’t even seem to notice how dark it had gotten. The room was almost entirely dark aside from the computer glow illuminating your sides from the front. He sighed, at least you were ok. Though you still were muttering swears like a sailor under your breath.Unbeknownst to you, your boyfriend stood behind you, about to stride up and tap you on the shoulder.Unbeknownst to your viewers, the man behind you in a black suit was not about to kill you.

MC THERES SOMEONE IN YOUR ROOM

MC TURN AROUND

Who is that guy??

Is this a joke or something…MC this is scary

MC turn around

Should someone call the police

You caught a few of the comments out of the corner of your eye, and at first you thought they were yelling about something in the game, but when your eyes trailed to your camera feed…

“AH HOLY SHIT “ You jumped up and whirled around on the man behind you, doing it so fast the headphones were pulled off your head, your chair was nearly knocked over, the whole desk rattled, and-

Click.

Jumin flicked the light on, his face also showing he was mildly jarred by the last couple seconds.

You just held your hand to your heart for a moment and leaned against the desk. “Oh my…oh my god Jumin. Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Sneak up on you?” He approached you slowly, any irritation he had before about you not hearing him melted as he saw your scared face. He just wanted to comfort you now, and he tried by sliding his hands onto the sides of your face and steadying you. “I was just coming to check on you and you were here in the dark. And yelling.”Looking into his eyes, you felt the previous tension in your body start to relax, and you let yourself lean into your boyfriend’s hands as a smile crawled onto your face. “I’m sorry. I must have gotten carried away playing the game.”

“The game?” Jumin looked at your computer to see it had a game on screen….but it also had video feed of you two right now! “Are you recording your reaction?”

Him saying that snapped you back into the reality that there were a few tens of thousands of people watching you two right now, and you pulled away from Jumin, a little embarrassed by the accidental PDA.

“Oh, yeah sort of. I’m live streaming. So people are watching me play right now and commenting…. They also probably saw everything that just happened haha.” You turned from Jumin and leaned closer to your camera “Sorry about that everyone! Didn’t mean to scare!”And your eyes trailed to the commentsIS THAT JUMIN FUCKING HAN

MC ARE YOU DATING HAN JUMIN

no fucking way

iz thiz a collab??/?/

Is…Is C&R promoting themselves on a Lets Play channel?

WHO IS THAT HES HOT AS FUCK

this is the hottest couple alive and im glad im bi

so this wasnt a prank?????

Omg this whole scare was so funny

He seems so serious…please make him play with you.You couldn’t help but laugh at the mixed reactions.

357 notes · View notes

konicichan-blog · 6 years

Text

5am thoughts: theory: Story Of Light

is it called the Story of Light because its Shinee telling us and the whole entire world that they will no longer grief in sadness and that they've moved on and accepted what has happened? I'm sure we all know Shinee may still be sad (and maybe more than that) but what if this whole album is telling us that shinee, that all the members, Minho, Onew, Key, and Taemin are ready to have a new beginning? Like, they're ready to let all the sadness go and accept what has happened and that they will continue to work and grow.

What if You&I was about them talking about Jonghyun? Like, what if this song is about them trying to talk to Jonghyun? And theyre all trying to tell him that its hard when he's gone like they dont know what to do. "I’m the only one hurting, I may look fine I’m not easy, my feelings aren’t for decoration" And like they're all reminiscing their memories with him. All those good times that they're not ready to let go of. "A handful of memories, I laugh and remember every day" (okay the lyrics arent in order but JJJJust lemme finish and fyi, its gonna be a lOoong one). "There are countless stars in my heart, there’s one star that shines painfully I don’t want to grab it but I don’t want it to go out" okay in this part i think they maybe talking about Jonghyun. Maybe the stars represent people and "theres one star that shines painfully" might be Jonghyun. A star... someone really special to them... is hurting deep inside. Maybe Shinee is trying to tell us that although a celebrity or ANY person in general who may seem happy in front of the cameras or may seem happy in the outside in general is actually in deep pain inside. Dealing with self doubt, depression and all that and we just dont know :( "The things I can’t throw away make me smile" this is kinda self explanatory. Jonghyun, someone they love, someone they deeply cherish, someone they can't simply just let go of, someone who can always make them smile. You know? "I know that you’re being honest when you wish me well I’ll let you go easy, don’t think that you’re stepping on me" this is kinda hard to explain haha ahm.. maybe as time passes by, Jonghyun's absence is telling them to let go and move on and maybe they're mad with what he did? I DONT KNOW I DONT MEAN IT LIKE THAT! like mad, like?? how do i explain?? like maybe frustrated?? thats the best word i can think of right now riwjkrs they're frustrated but theyre not gonna blame it on him. like the good friends and brothers they are they will let it go easily.. UGH do i make sense? anyway. "I’ve let myself go to the wind and the rain that’s falling cooly But my feelings aren’t for decoration" okay so this is the part theyve told themselves that they really need yo accept what has happened. and maybe "my feelings arent for decoration" means that whatever they are feeling and whatever they are going through shouldnt be joked about in social media since its a serious matter and well ive seen some haters and some "new kpop fans" talk shit about this issue and honestly 😤 it makes me want to slap a bitch

Anyway

next song > UNDERCOVER

so the lyrics:

"I’m paddling my feet as busily underneath the surface with a calm expression on my face, You don’t know"

have u seen swans? how they paddle their legs under the water to move but above the water they seem so calm? like ballerinas, how their arms and body are always so graceful but their legs do all the work and stuff ¿¿?? okay im comparing the lyrics to swans and ballerinas because what if the boys are trying to tell us Jonghyun's situation and maybe also their's and other people who is suffering the same way? We don't always know what happens when we turn around. We don't always know when they're hurting. It's actually pretty easy to lie and fake a smile now a days so we always have to be careful with our loved ones. we dont always know what they're dealing with and one wrong move can cause a bomb to explode.

"Before the curtains rise, I’m always busy but when I’m standing before you I’m Acting cool"

Maybe theyre telling us that behind the scenes, theyre also suffering with personal or family issues. like every other person, celebrities have problems that they deal with too. they also have feelings. maybe on stage theyre smiling and having so much fun but backstage, theyre suffering? they cant breathe, they're overworked, theyre tired. sometimes they're forced to do things. Honestly for me, the kpop industry is so pressuring. you have to be this or that and if you cant you get criticized for it.

"I can’t let you know the things that are secretly happening now, now is not the time. I wait for the right moment, so that when you’ve realized it it’s too late."

Obviously most idols worry about their fans. Theyre worried when theyre fans are worried. its like a family thing we idol and fans have for each other yknow and maybe thats why sometimes they cant always speak up about whats really going on inside their mind. They cant always talk about it to the public bc sometimes people are so rude and so insensitive and leave comments like, "youre not depressed! youre just overthinking" bullshit, barbara. "you just need to hang out more" hMMmM :// ANYWAY thats why they dont really speak up alot. sometimes they cant even go to a psychiatrist privately because the media is always watching and once its on display, BOOm haters here and there talking bs and obviously WE wouldnt realize unless its TOO LATE!

"Like a black shadow is absorbed into the night, the night I dig deep beyond the consciousness, inside of you I’m Undercover"

I dont know how to begin with this.. its like once theyve hit rock bottom and they feel like nothing is gonna get better amd everything is just dark and gloomy. Maybe this is like the moving on part?? like the beginning of moving on. the depressive episode. And at first theyre just trying to hide everything. Just being undercover.

WAIT OMG OKAY SO MAYBE UNDERCOVER BEFORE YOU&I

so they got depressed over what happened and theyre trying to hide from everybody that theyre okay but theyre not and theyre just undercover. in you&i thats when they start reminiscing about jonghyun and talking to him. telling him they miss him and that for him, they're ready to accept and let go.

OKOK SO THE NEXT SONGS ARE WHEN THEY START BEING POSITIVE AGAIN !! YES GO SHINEE !! OUR STRONG KINGS !!!

so i dont really know the sequence i mean its already fucked up in the beginning so lets just go with whatever !!!

So in GOODEVENING!

"The cozy darkness is lingering far away"

so the 'darkness' or those gloomy days and toxic vibes theyve been surrounding themselves has been slwoly disappearing. they're starting to feel a little better again. <3

"At the tip of the sunset that hangs on the buildings I think of you"

i cant explain this one and note: i havent slept and its 6am but im still trying to make this work. but i think fjksjfks ok sunsets means like the day is "ending" and like before the day ends, they remember their sufferings while they were depressed and all those sad times with Jonghyun, like those times of grief.. they remember it all before starting a new day ¿¿ I DONT KNOW im trying my best to explain it. Its like theyre finally accepting what has happened and is ready to start a new happy day

"Spill out the darkness

Open the night

I wanna see you more, right now, oh"

So the sunsets and the night has come and theyve already accepted whats happend but they want to see Jonghyun in a different light. They want to see their bestfriend and brother as someone who was happy and made others happy. They want to remember Jonghyun as someone who made his parents and everyone around him proud.

"The moonlight is rising

I’m going to you before it’s too late

I’m going to get you

Imagining how surprised you’ll be, I’m going to you

Going to you

Without a reason, going to you"

okay this part is like giving someone a hug before they leave for their flight. Like even when hes gone hes not alone and shinee is not alone. like theyre always together. theyll always be together. "imagining how surprised you will be" nrkanfks im thinkg on how to write thus part wo sounding sarcastic. knowing what jonghyun has been through, he might have thought that he was and always will be alone... but the members are there to guide him in his travel to heaven with their prayers and theyre all hoping to surprise him ¿¿ AAAA im sorry if this sounds sarcastic or offensive i REALLY didnt mean it to be that way >·<

literally,for me anway, the whole song is about how theyll always be there for each other. even when the other is far away, it will never stop them from what they are doing. and thats why i love Shinee so much💓

In jump im not gonna add a lot of lyrics since im getting lazier. (lmao you can see my effort fading from you&i until here)

in Jump the song is about them trying to put their pieces together again. They've been broken and torn apart but they're ready to pick theirselves up again.

"I shake my head, brush it off and adjust my heart

I solidly protect my space again"

no one can recover quickly so i guess in this part, they're trying to take things slow. not too fast or anything or else they might make a wrong move and fall back to square one.

"Keep on enduring it

Just close my eyes when it feels futile for no reason"

in this part, theyre still not that strong enough so theyre telling themselves that they should just endure the pain or sadness. if it feels impossible, just close your eyes, believe and trust in yourself. theyve made it this far, why should they quit now?

"Higher, rise higher, fly

There’s the ground beneath your feet

When I travel between the two

Oh yes I feel the freedom

I jump on you, jump on you"

when they finally overcome the fear and sadness and EVERYTHING! they feel the weight lift from their shoulders and finally they feel freedom. overjoyed, they celebrate by jumping¿¿ i guess?? lmAO

"I’m not falling

I’m not wilting

It’s just changes

I turn different

And keep going forward"

this is when they realize that: nothing is going bad. everything is going just fine and everything is great. maybe they havent fully recovered yet but all those depression and pain is finally gone and theyre happy. They're different now and they realize they can finally keep moving forward without feeling to fall back down again.

"Why is that hard Why did I hesitate for such a long time Following my heart away From other people’s eyes I free the feet that were bound I let my imagination loose after a long time The wind is blowing Now I open my eyes and breathe in"

the first 2 lines is probably them asking themsleves, why didnt we do this earlier? they finally followed what their heart wanted instead of being trapped in their own mind and they finally can breathe again. they feel free and loose. they dont feel the heavy chains hanging on their shoulder anymore !

Now I can open my eyes and breathe in.

this is honestly a HUGE step for them. and im so proud?? ugh..

last song: All Day All Night

"All the moments I met you were highlight I don’t regret it, it’s just beautiful"

Theyre remembering Jonghyun more with their happy memories. How his existence highlighted mostly everything in their past. Jonghyun was such a big part of their lives and even if he was gone, they were still happy that he was able to be part of their lives and they were thankful to be a part of his.

"I start to see the world differently Yeah it’s all for you Time starts to emit a light Yeah it’s all for you Our very painful tears The joy that fills ourh hearts All for you, all for you, all for you"

Theyre doing all these wonderful things all for Jonghyun and maybe also for us too and for themselves. "Time starts to emit light" its pretty self explanatory. theyre beginning to see things in a positive way again !! So all of this, this is all for Jonghyun.

"Leave it alone, hold me and my painful scars All of it is the control"

theyre telling us to maybe accept it and move on too. To move on with them. We're all in this together and everything is in control.

So YAAS thats my theory or whatever you call it for SHINEEs album. I really do think the message hidden behind this album is deep and amazing and VERY important. I'm glad SHINEE is able to see things in a new light. Let's just keep loving and supporting them, okay??! So that's it.

The Story Of Light.

The End.

1 note · View note

storiesby-rahmankhan · 6 years

Text

Miles (Unfinished)

So I had started writing a story a while ago, it’s not finished and it won’t ever be finished. To be fair, it’s too hard for me to finish because it’s based on a true story and about someone I know. So I can’t really find a fitting ending, I can’t fill in the gaps and I can’t just write it any more. So here it is, in it’s unfinished glory. There are some notes on what would have gone in the gaps, but nothing too detailed.

It’s not much, but I haven’t put up my writing in a long time.

Miles.

A Story by Rahman Khan

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

This is the story of how two souls are connected despite the fact they are thousands of miles apart from each other. People tend to make fun out of the fact that someone can develop feelings for someone else over the internet. Making jokes that the other person is just a fat man living in his parent’s basement looking for some young to have his way with.

What most people don’t realise is that they’ll make fun of something they have never had the pleasure of experiencing themselves.

I am one of the two souls. Through some sort of strange twist of fate and irony the one place that two souls seems to have connected was on the internet.

I’ve always liked the idea of friends. It just so happened that I hated my friends.

Growing up, I had very few friends. My best friend was murdered. My girlfriend killed herself. I never really got close to anyone after that, I just didn’t want to get hurt from all the pain. Friends for me…were people who I just had acquaintances with, nothing too personal, just keeping it casual, meet for a drink, or just talk online when we’re bored. Nothing too stressful.

I didn’t really have much of a family either. The only time I see or talk to my family is when we have dinner. My father’s disappointment in me, my mother’s lack of respect pushed me away.

It was through all this that I lost myself to my own depression; I fell into a void of unhappiness and dug a hole for myself. For years I stayed to myself, the two people I had cared about died; my best friend was murdered and my girlfriend died in a car crash. I tried my best to compensate from my sins, but I couldn’t help but realise that I just hate myself for everything that I’ve done, I can’t forgive myself for those things. I shut myself away from the world, I stayed in my room and only left to go to my lessons at school and then again at university, I could hardly make any friends. I was introverted and I didn’t want to change in the danger of actually hurting someone else. So I stayed to myself. But it’s not like I didn’t make friends, I had people I would talk to in the school and university; people to pass time with, but outside of those places, I was alone.

My time at university wasn’t the typical UK university experience. I never had a Freshers Week, I never had those late nights with roommates, late night cramming sessions and hung over mornings. I was alone in my room, watching movies, downloading TV shows, doing my work, hitting those dead lines early; the boring student.

My life has always been secluded. But not to the point where I’d be Boo Radley and not interact with anyone or anything; I went to school, university, all that, I made friends and went to parties. But something was missing; maybe it was love, maybe it was a family member I never had, maybe it was just having an actual friend that I could talk to.

I always had trouble talking to anyone on a more open level. I never explained my sadness, never explained why I was angry, or just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I’m not sure what it was, I just felt like there was no one around me in this city that I could feel connected to. My days were spent listening to music alone in my room, I would listen to all kinds of music from all sorts of artists; Japanese artists like The GazettE, Dir en Grey, High and Mighty Color; I only knew a handful of Japanese, but something about the voices in these songs managed to calm me down at times when I needed them. They represented a life I could never have, somewhere far away on the other side of the world, far from my family, far from whatever the people I hang around with are, far from my past. French rap managed to capture my soul in a way I could never explain in words to anyone; the beats, the bass, the artists rapping away, it felt…surreal to know that this music connects me to them. Bands like Explosions in the Sky, Sigur Ros, Mogwai…their unique way to portray music managed to express feeling I could never express. I don’t know, music is just a way for people to escape their own troubles; lyrics guide us on a path to a sense of strange enlightenment.

One Sunday morning, I decided that I was going to leave the house and just for a walk around the city. I take a long, warm shower, I rest my arms against the cold marble walls; the feeling of the cool, tingling marble battled the feeling of warm water falling from the showerhead onto my skin. Music runs through my head. I usually think of nothing in the shower, there’s nothing really to think about, is there? Most of the time you just jump in, clean yourself, jump out. Simple. Why complicate something so simple. I think it’s why I love taking a shower; it’s one of those cocoons that I can crawl into and think of absolutely nothing. My life doesn’t matter in there; all I need to concentrate on is getting every nook and cranny and being as clean as possible.

I decide I want to take the train and go somewhere where I know I won’t run into anyone. I take the underground into the city and head to the park; most of my friends live on the far edges of the city, so I know I won’t see them. I don’t want to see them. I just want to be able to walk around a huge, open space and know that I’m alive. I want the cold air to hit my face, make the blood rush to my cheeks, brightening them up red. In winter, my nose always lights up like Rudolf, you can always tell I’m cold if my nose is bright red once I’m inside. But I love the winter. I love everything about it. I love the first touch of snow to the ground, it’s softer than a leaf falling in autumn, I love watching grey clouds cover the blue sky, hiding away the beauty. It reminds that something if something so sinister can hide something so beautiful, then there must be some kind of hope. Something waiting beyond all the mess and the pain.

Eventually, I manage to get to the park, and it’s empty. There’s no one around as far as my eyes can see. Snow fell the night before and it’s been blanketed across the fields. There are no footsteps, no car tracks; leaves have fallen softly onto the ground. I step into a virgin patch of snow; it feel comforting to know I’m leaving a mark on this world, even it’s temporary, I’ll know I’m the reason it’s there.

I take out my camera and I begin to take pictures. I only just bought this a few months ago and decided to start using it. I’ve always been interested in photography. I’ve gone through shit in my life that I’ll never talk about, seen stuff I’ll never describe, done things I wish I hadn’t, I don’t talk about my problems, I never will. But when I’m behind that viewfinder, with nothing but what’s in front of me, the sounds of the world around me, or sometimes the tunes of my headphones, I’m no longer part of the world that makes me what to kill myself, no longer part of the world that makes me regret waking up in the morning, I feel different, I’m free. I feel the safest I have ever felt behind that viewfinder, because I’m surrounded by the edges of what I see, not what’s behind me, or to the side, just what’s ahead. It doesn’t matter if the picture doesn’t come out good, or if it’s blurred or over exposed, just the fact that I can sit there, safely and snap away…liberates me in a way in more ways than I can describe.

Photography is my way out of my shitty world and allows me to remember that maybe there is a God, and that there is a world out there, even if my hate blinds me from it sometimes. I don’t think I’ll understand the power of this new art form, but I know I love it.

One day, I found a website; I started a blog and started to share my photography. I wanted to post everything I snap away and just put it out there for people to see. I wanted to let people know if even if they’re feeling like a piece of shit, even if they’re feeling like they want to die, there’s always going to be something out there for them. I thought maybe my photography can help them realise that there is more to life than just waiting around for something to take us away. I don’t know, for the first time in my life, I felt like I had a purpose. But I still felt like I was missing something.

>> BLOGGING <<

It just so happened, one day through this blog, someone messaged me. I checked out her page and she seemed like a cool person, so I started to follow her. We indirectly spoke through our blogs, reblogging stuff liked from each other, liking and commenting on posts. This eventually led to us adding eachother on an instant messenger and we instantly became friends.

Her: Hi!

Me: Hey hey

Her: How are u?

Me: I’m doing good, how are you?

Her: im fine (:

…

We had those awkward silences that aren’t really silences since it’s online, but you knew If this was a conversation in person it’d just be way too awkward to continue.

Her: So what u upto?

Me: Oh, sorry, nothing much, I was playing a game

Her: wat game?

Me: Some zombie game, haha, I felt like shooting some shit up.

Her: I used to play by Nintendo all the time. did u ever play Zelda?

Me: FUCK YES. That was the shit

Her: OMG I KNO RIGHT

Me: I was a Street Fighter kid too

Her: AKUMA!

Me: RYU!

Her: Haha OMG did u ever play cloud?

Me: Cloud? Do you mean Final Fantasy 7? Lol

Her: LOOOL did I just say cloud?

Her: YES! FINAL FANTASY

Me: I’m pretty sure I want to marry you now.

We hit it off instantly. She was perfect. We had so much in common it was uncanny. We loved and played the same games as kids. We both watched the same TV shows. We both had the same interests in fashion. We loved the same movies and had an undying love for classical Hollywood. She was perfect. Despite the fact she lived half way around the world.

We would talk for hours on end on endless shit no one probably would give a crap about; but it was our friendship, this was us.

Her: <3 ive missed you.

Me: not as much as I have, I kept thinking about you all day! haha

Her: how was ur day?

Me: it was alright, i had to do the shopping, driving is a pain when it rains over here o.O

Her: aw, u hate driving?

Me: Ehh, its ok. i dont see the whole excitement about it…its like youre driving a large go-kart that can kill you.

Her: LOL

Her: i like driving, but not in the city. I like driving out by the country

Me: I’ve never been outside of the city for more than a few hours. I’ve always been the passenger on trips.

Her: u need to try it and just drive

Me: Maybe.

It doesn’t seem like much, but every conversation we have just means something. It gives me the snippets of her life that I couldn’t see in the people I met in person. She learnt more about me than anyone else I knew in person. She had a special place in my heart, even though I never knew her in person. My loneliness disappeared whenever I got the chance to speak to her.

Whenever I took a walk, read a book, listened to music, watched a movie, I always imagined she’d be doing the same. Whenever I would picture Her in my mind, she’d be alone for some reason, with no one around her. A sense of loneliness always befell her in my cruel mind. A sense of loneliness only I could repair. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to be the one to call her on the phone, or to send her a text message to brighten her day. Knowing I wasn’t there to be with her in person hurt me to the point where I’d just feel sad, as if I’ve lost a friend I’ve grown up with. It’s embarrassing to even admit that to friends, it’d be weird for me to tell them I’m close to a girl I’ve met online. Most of the time it’s ridiculed that you can’t even make friends in person, so you need to retreat behind a screen. Which really isn’t the case, I have friends in person; people I hang out with on a daily basis. But it’s with Her that I managed to actually connect to someone on a level beyond the “How’s u?” “Fine” “…” and then nothing. With Her, I felt like I was a real person, with interests that not only excited me, but her as well.

One night, I have dinner with a friend, she goes on and on about her mundane life, how she’s stressing over an exam, or how she’s scared of looking for a job, that her cat needs surgery. In the back of my head, I’m just thinking “what is She doing? It must be like 12pm there, she’s probably just getting up right now, brushing her teeth, maybe having breakfast, getting ready to go to her lessons…” It was unhealthy how my thoughts of this one girl I’ve never met, and probably will never meet clouded my mind.

Me: Hey

Her: hi!

Me: wassup?

Her: nm

This was the first time she didn’t really talk.

Me: Are you ok?

Her: im fine

Me: Are you sure?

Her: yep

Me: No you’re not.

Her: How do you know?

Me: Because you’re not talking away like a soap opera

Her: LOL

Me: What’s wrong?

Her: I’m just stressed. I’ve got too much going on right now

Me: Do you want to talk about tit?

Me: NOT TIT. IT*

Her: LOLOLOL

Me: …yeah, so wanna talk?

Her: Well..

We spoke for hours on her life. How she is stressed at her university, how life at home is hectic, how stuff with her boyfriend isn’t going so well; I knew she was in pain, and it ached me in a way that I’ve never felt before when I knew I could do nothing but type away things that I hoped would help her. I just wanted to jump through the screen and hold her, I wanted to be her best friend. In the back of my head, for one reason or another, she felt like the one thing that was missing in my life, maybe she was the 1 in 6 billion, maybe she was the perfect girl for me. But I had no chance; all I could do was to be there for her right now.

Whenever she spoke about her boyfriend, I felt jealous, and I felt angry that he wasn’t treating her right. I wanted to be that person. I wanted to be the one she loved.

I told her to get some sleep. I had stayed up all night with her; it was around 11pm for her, and morning for me, I told her to try to sleep and I’ll talk to her the next day.

Her: thank you <3

Me: It’s alright.

Her: Can I tell you something?

Me: You can tell me anything.

Her: I’m glad i met you, im glad we’re friends. you’ve brought this positive energy into my life that i needed and im glad its you. Thank you so much

That morning, I didn’t sleep, I just stayed up, hoping she was OK.

>>> GIRLS STORY HERE <<<

My life outside of my internet life was seemingly normal. I was still dealing with my past.

I graduated university with a typical 2:1 degree, I was then thrown out into the grown up world. A world no one warned me about. A world where I had no preparation, and wasn’t ready to face. I was just another 20 year old something with a CV who didn’t know what he wanted to be. Originality was scarce. I felt like I just wanted to tell someone I was scared. I wanted tell someone I wasn’t ready for all this responsibility and that I just wanted to keep living young. I never knew getting pushed out onto your own two feet was going to be this hard. People said shit won’t be easy, but they never told me it’d be this hard. I told a couple of my friends, but they seemed busy with their own problems, so I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

I managed to get a job, I started working 40 hour weeks, updating my blog seemed like a chore, but I still did it, after getting over 1,000 followers, you seem to feel like you have some sort of obligation to keep posting, since so many people want to see what you do. I refrained from answering anymore messages and only really kept in contact with people I seemed to have spoken to before. I even had a girlfriend. Somehow, using the internet and talking to Her; helped me get out of this unsociable shell I was in, and it felt good. It felt good knowing I wasn’t entirely alone in the world.

But this girlfriend of mine, every time I saw her, all I could think of is you’re not her. She wasn’t her her. I wanted her. The perfect girl. Sure, she had imperfections and sure she had her problems, but that’s what made her who she is. I wanted to be a part of that and I wanted to be in her life. I had never met this girl in my life and I fell in love with who is she and I wanted her.

And then one day…nothing. I never heard from her again. Her blog page was gone, she never came back online, we never spoke again. It was as if she disappeared into thin air, or maybe that she never existed.

It felt like a stab in something that I had never felt before, knowing that befriending someone I never met could affect me in such a way was an eye opener for me. Human loneliness can stretch for miles and connect with someone so far away, that the only way to keep them close is to hold them in your heart. But it hurts that much more when you find out they never did the same for you. But she left something. There’s something inside of me now, ever since I met her; she put a fire inside of me. She’s put that little ounce of hope that I never knew existed inside of me.

I had written her a letter in my journal, something I want to give her but now I can’t. Words I’ve wanted to say to her but too afraid to. I wanted to tell her she made me happier than what I thought was possible. That I want to be in her life and that I considered her my best friend and that even though we had never met, I still miss her more than anyone. I told her that I would never leave her and in a way, I haven’t. I just hope she never forgets that.

0 notes