#and not everything has to be deep or introspective or whatever like I enjoy some deeply stupid comedy
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god I fucking hate south park.
#This is not a novel opinion and my reasons are the same as others who have said it better#but is not even funny! literally 100% of its comedy is based in mocking people#and I’m not saying mocking people can’t be funny but it’s probably the easiest form of comedy#like of course if you mock everyone always sometimes you’ll mock a worthy target in a meaningful way but like it’s so lazy#It’s not even about often disagreeing with its politics (though yeah)#like there exists shit I disagree with but is clever or funny. south park isn’t.#and not everything has to be deep or introspective or whatever like I enjoy some deeply stupid comedy#but it espouses a general worldview that’s incurious and smarmy AND is dumb easy comedy
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Given that Hunter was introduced to anime in the Human Realm (canon), what do you think some of his favourites would be? Any he wouldn't like as much?
Astro Boy
Voltron Defender of the Universe (the 80s one. He eats it up. Its his cocomelon)
Mobile Suit Gundam Wing
Gus also enjoys Sci-fi type stuff so this is what they watch together <333
Sailor Moon/Cardcaptor Sakura/Whatever other cute wholesome power of friendship magical girl animes that you can think of. I just believe he loves Magical Girls. That is a headcanon that is attached to my brain like a leech.
Pokemon. He loves cute little creechurs, they're silly and they remind him of palismen <33
I imagine that he really enjoys sports anime. Especially the ones with intense homoerotic friendships. He loves Haikyu and Free, god bless. If you dare to open your mouth during Yuri on Ice, he will kill you.
As a guy who is a bit awkward, passionate about his interests, a little bit on the gnc side, and into making clothes, I think he'd like Princess Jellyfish.
I think when it comes to anime he WOULDN'T like, I think maybe....slice of life shojo high school stuff. Ones that are deeply rooted in experiences that Hunter cannot connect to. Not that he hates that stuff. He just struggles to relate. Also, as introspective, sensitive and emotionally mature as I imagine Hunter to be, I also think that his attention span cannot be held by a show that focuses on feelings/romance alone. Bro is like "I want SPACESHIPS!! I want SPORT!!! I want POKEMON!!!" There's gotta be some exciting angle to keep him entertained.
Something I'm a little unsure of is what Hunter's relationship is with gore/horror/edgy type stuff. Because we know he was a fan of Ruler's Reach, which was written by an edgelord 8 year old and was packed with gratuitous violence. Considering he was not only a teenage boy (who tend to gravitate towards depictions violence because of societal influence) but a child soldier who was unnervingly desensitized to brutality, it does make a lot of sense. Ruler's Reach also seemed to be something of a masculine power fantasy written by one boy who felt small and powerless in his own life, which connected with a boy who felt similarly. King wanted to be feared, Hunter wanted to be respected.
However, this was during the time that Hunter was trapped in a very bleak situation, one that he didn't even fully understand was bleak. And he coped by hyperfixating on a book that normalized the cruelty.
But what I wonder is, would he still feel the same way about that book now, after everything? He's been woken up to how horrific his life was until this point. He's aware of the atrocities and he's deeply uncomfortable with all of it. Things are drastically different now. Hunter is drastically different.
Personally, I think Ruler's Reach was something that comforted him when he needed it. But as he changes as a person, its just not his taste anymore.
Hunter can certainly stomach gore and violence. He's seen more disturbing sights than anything an anime can show him. But I don't think he actively seeks it out. I imagine that he prefers stuff that's lighthearted. Not that he doesn't enjoy tension/excitement/high stakes. Just not the kind of stuff that will make him extremely upset.
Like Fullmetal Alchemist for example. Absolutely amazing anime, but not something Hunter would enjoy sitting through. It's good to have fiction that makes you feel something deep in your core, the way FMA does to people. But Hunter has experienced enough real life trauma and existential horror for a lifetime. He's felt enough!!! He doesn't need to see that weird fucking dog!!!!! Leave him alone!!!!!
So ya in summary, I think he likes fun, semi-lighthearted stuff. But he doesn't really wanna watch anything that's gonna make him sit in the shower for over an hour and rethink everything. He is already mentally exhausted. He once learned made of a dead guy's bones, that's enough for him.
#i know we were just meant to talk about anime#lots of thoughts here on WHY hunter likes rulers reach#i just have a lot of them
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For those of you who enjoy reading post after post! STOP 🛑 !
Here’s why, yes it may be fun to sometimes delude yourself that all you are doing is research on the law, and trust me I am guilty of doing the same thing. But the law is simple and it will only get more simple when you first understand that you control everything, or that everything starts with you.
Here is a simplification of what the law is and 10 things to do instead to occupy your mind and bring you closer to awareness.
THE LAW
The world around you is simply an extension of your being. Meaning the arrangement of your thoughts literally creates the world around you.
Discipline and persisting in your new arrangement of thoughts will become your new life because what you persist in must harden into fact.
Being powerful is knowing that you are the creator, that nothing can affect you because what you say and think goes. Period.
That is all.......
10 THINGS TO FOCUS ON INSTEAD
Read up on philosophy - honestly, philosophy is a great tool to become more self aware. Stop reading loa blogs, refresh your mind with new words and modes of thinking. The more you become self aware the easier it will become for you to be introspective. Being introspective allows you to pay attention to your thoughts. So spend some time learning up on some great philosophy. Go ahead and pick a philosopher like Simone de Beauvoir, Sartre or just about anyone you like.
Write or read poetry - seriously poetry reading and writing, is sometimes very under appreciated. I had recently re-realised how much poetry allows you to feel and imagine. It sure does create a deep sense of vivid imagination. Also writing it allows you to take your attention away from maybe nonsensical thoughts and allows you to instead become an observer. Write about the tree you see out your window, or that cup of coffee that you are drinking. Either way, you learn to observe and actually live out of your head for a moment.
Create a sketchbook - a sketchbook or a commonplace book for just about anything. You want to add an amalgamation of things in this book, well so be it. It will have little doodles, if you're a plant addict, you could draw or record your plant's mile stones in there or simply draw your breakfast in here. It does not have to make sense, only that you loose yourself in this process.
Lists, lists, lists - make lists about everything. Make lists about what you look forward to in the future, or what you would like to buy for the autumn, fun autumn activities you would like to try, hangover soup recipes, collection of tattoo's you want to get, list of plants you want to buy, books you want to buy. Just about anything could go on a list. I remember having lists of everything before and it was so much fun.
Practice writing out your new thoughts - this is literally a bit like vaunting. I would say, most of us are a little to afraid sometimes with the fact that we are not doing enough with the law. So here is a little tip that makes you feel like you are taking some action (though none is required). Make or get a cute little notebook and simply write out your thoughts, for example; The only natural way to be is to be happy. That is how I always am; I am happy. I have learned simply that tuning into my consciousness is simply, recognising my being, my awareness, my I am.
Read - reading is a no brainer, honestly it is such a good way to detach and loose yourself in a good book, or even a good movie. Whatever it is try and literally give this activity in front of you all the attention it requires! If you love doing something like this, become a movie aficionado, anonymously create a social media platform that does reviews on the books you read or movies you watch! This really could be quite fun!
Clean out your bedroom - Yes clean! Cleaning is so fun! like imagine being in a clean space. Tidy up, rearrange that bookshelf that has been begging for your attention, put some nice wild flowers in that pesto jar from your kitchen, change your sheets and go through your clothes, rearrange your clothes, colour code them maybe 🤷🏻♀️. Just start cleaning one corner and meet thing you know you would have done the whole room. In fact a new personality needs a new room to accommodate it.
Watch Choki - Choki on YouTube is literally one of my favourite accounts. Everything about the scenes that she creates are just warm and comforting. The videos feel like warm hugs on an autumn day. She really does have the ability to calm you right away. So this is definitely very highly recommended.
Go for a walk and pick rubbish up - maybe not the most conventional, but it does help to make you feel better. It is one of those things that is both good for you and the environment. Trust me the bees will thank you!
Massage your face - useful and very calming! stick a movie on and just massage your face, feet, your scalp and just any part of your body you can get your moisturised fingers on! I sometimes do this before a meditation and it calms me down right away!
Literally, get out of your own head, breathe, just breathe and understand, you are doing enough. In fact you have already done everything. You are the embodiment of all your desires! Relax and be so offensively unattached to the 3d that it will have to change to beg for your attention! You are the creator of your reality! God damn act like it!
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far be it from me to interrupt the unnecessary character hate train some folks in this fandom insist on having but I have to say, what seemed a little unnecessary but still somewhat understandable from a separate POV in season 1 just doesn't make any sense now- that is, of course, a time-honored fandom pasttime of trying to force a character into the role of villain against the actual narrative. it's nothing new ofc I've seen it happen in just about every fandom I've been in and I've learned that there usually isn't a point in trying to debate with people that have made up their minds this way and with the way I've tagged this I'm probably just preaching to the choir but like...it seems to me this whole season is ALL about being flawed, the ways in which every character in the cast (beloved or otherwise) has flaws and issues that have hurt others, but most significant, the ways in which a person can grow and learn and mend and still deserve to be loved despite everything. this isn't really a story where you can pick out the 'good ones' with completely clean moral slates from those you've decided are irredeemable unless you're choosing to ignore the actual themes being presented (which like, fine, but that's a choice of interpretation that goes directly against what's actually there). Everyone has been victim of someone else. Everyone at this point has inflicted some kind of hurt on someone else. Stede hurt Ed, Ed hurt Stede, Ed hurts Izzy, Izzy hurt Ed, Ed hurt Lucius, Lucius hurt Black Pete and so on and so on and so on. There's really no one here who is just a completely blameless uwu victim and that's actually a good thing because most of us just fucking aren't either, as much as we may want to believe that or think of ourselves as morally superior to others bc of fictional characters we like or don't or whatever, as much as we may be caught up in our own victimhood (which I absolutely get I've found myself there many times too) we're all flawed, we've all hurt people, there's no getting through life without doing it at some point. it's not really about having or trying to manufacture the image of a clean moral slate, it's about learning and growing and trying to do better the next day and accepting those flaws with a gentle grace. the sooner some of yall wrap your minds around that truth the better off you're going to be, and maybe a good start is learning from these flawed, imperfect, sometimes hurtful characters that we've grown to love because we see ourselves in their actions.
some poignant takeaways from the last couple of eps I think are 1) when Fang suggests to Ed he should try sitting with himself for a bit instead of trying to talk through and shallowly justify everything. I think everyone can benefit from doing this, as so often we think of things from an external perspective rather than internal. It can be hard to introspect rather than blame the world or others and construct little superficial rituals that make us feel momentarily superior (like, idk, deciding one character in a show is the 'bad guy' and anyone who likes him is bad but not you you're not bad bc you don't like him so you must be a better person even though this involves you picking fights and harassing people trying to enjoy themselves, idk, just a random example). It's so much harder to ask yourself why you feel a certain way in the first place, to ask yourself if it's possible that you see aspects of yourself in a character you despise that you're not willing to face within, things about yourself you've buried deep and pretend don't exist at the cost of being 'morally superior'. It's possible, isn't it? Would it hurt to be still for a moment and think about that? I mean, maybe it would, quite possibly it would hurt a lot at first, but I think it's worth it in the end, far more than the effort to put up a morally superior front that no one even has.
the other one that I think the people I'm actually addressing won't appreciate because of who it involves- when Izzy gives Lucius the carved shark and explains that not moving on is worse than doing what is necessary to actually move on. Not necessarily advocating for lying to oneself (tho if I were a more reckless person I might say this can be a genuine bandaid tactic when you're in survival mode and just need to get to the next day, I get that too) but I do think there's a good point here about learning to let go of the things that only gnaw away at us inside. holding on to anger and spite can feel like a form of justice in the short term, but over time it only corrodes the host. at some point, at some time, to truly heal we have to figure out how to let go of certain things, if only so it won't poison us further. Lucius threw Ed overboard the same way he did to him, but ultimately it didn't help, did it? What changed was seeing the way his obsession with his hatred hurt the man he loved, what changed was introspection.
So, idk, really good show, very educational and emotionally aware and I think some of us could benefit from paying more attention to what's actually there than what we want to believe. Idk, it's a thought.
#ofmd#the izcourse#i had thoughts#this season is really speaking to my personal journey as well#so idk will this help someone? will it give them a brainworm to think about for awhile? maybe#ofmd spoilers
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what’s your advice for someone who’s new to writing fic / posting fic in general!!! i love everything you write but I’m like very scared about having an idea that everyone will hate / not being able to execute it well !! how do you overcome that like in your opinion ! also love your profile! sorry for being anon I’m a new follower and I didn’t wanna seem weird !
hi nonnie! first of all, feel free to come talk off anon, i'm just some guy i prommie. second, thank you so much!!
and to actually answer your question, honestly, it's kind of one of those jump into the deep end things. at least it was for me. it was scary and i get anxious every time but i enjoy it so much, writing fic is such a fun part of my fandom experience, reading fic is such an integral part of my fandom experience, that it was bigger than the anxiety. you do just kinda gotta say "fuck it" and hit post, though. and it might take some time before the kudos and comments start rolling in, but don't let that be discouraging because eventually you will create your own little fic community, your own little corner of the internet, and that's always so so fun.
i think my best tips for posting fics is to tag things correctly. if you have a fic that has no angst but you tag it as angst just to show up in more searches, people might read it but they will be disappointed at the incorrect tagging, and rightfully upset.
my biggest tip for writing fic is to find a style you're comfortable with that flows well and feels good but still making sure you're being accurate to the voice of the characters. your style may be more dialogue heavy or it may be more introspective and text heavy, but the character's are all unique, so buck pov should look different from eddie pov, you know? and it'll happen naturally, because we know there are things chimney would say that like...athena wouldn't, for example.
also, trust your writing. have faith in your ability to create these stories and love these characters. because you do have the ability, and that care and want to share and create and be a part of fandom will show in your fics.
at the end of the day, fanfiction is about enjoying yourself and posting what you want to a community of people who are also into it, who also want to share and participate in the art you are creating! i promise whatever you're into, someone else is into as well.
(yes, even the shit you think no one else could possibly be into.)
i hope this helps!!
<3
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Hey there, I saw an old post of yours about disconnecting from everything and not being traceable, etc until you work through some things. Are you still off all social media? What are some things you learned?
Hey! It’s funny you mentioned that post because I’d forgotten when I wrote it and how long it’s been since I made the decision to pull away from social media. I’m still off all platforms and honestly it was shocking to realize it’s been six months. I’ve learned a lot, specifically about myself throughout the last few months and I’ve also unlearned a lot of things.
I’ve learned how to really be in the moment and enjoy things that I wanted to do. I used to always run to social media as a gap filler, whether I was waiting for my food at a restaurant, or felt a little anxious while hanging with a friend, or sometimes just to kill time. I’ve since been forced to be more present when I’m with friends/family, connect with the world a little more when I’m doing mundane things like waiting for coffee or food, and I’ve also found myself with extra time here and there that add up to so much time throughout the day I never realized I was wasting. I suddenly found myself being able to fit reading, journaling, meditation and stretching (to name a few) into my daily routine. I began having more in-depth conversations with the people around me and noticing all of the little things about them that I was too distracted before to realize.
I’ve unlearned (or began to) how to compare my life, my image, and my body to that of the people that would populate on my feed. This is probably one of my favorites: I no longer felt like I was in this race with the world, like I had to compare where I was in life or what I was doing to that of others. It allowed me to hold space for my own growth and to figure out what I wanted out of life and how I wanted to navigate through that without societal pressures. I started to really appreciate my body for all that it does to keep me alive and thriving because to say I’m just living is an understatement.
I’ve learned the ability to not crave or need that instant gratification that I so often yearned for. I no longer needed that validation from people to confirm what I already know about myself. I no longer needed to prove to the world who or what I was, or how well I wanted to seem like I was doing. Instead, I was able to just be and let that look like whatever it appeared to be and only the people who are physically here to witness it, would be able to see it. It gave me a sense of liberation. It allowed me the chance to really sit in my own shit and get uncomfortable in order to do the inner work required to change what needed to be changed in my life, externally as well as internally, in order to redirect my energy towards bettering myself. The beauty of it all? Bettering myself was now defined by own standards of what the best version of me looked like and not by the idea I created in my head that was influenced by what everyone else was doing or portraying. I can go on and talk about the inner/shadow work that I’ve done in the past six months because that’s really been my sole focus. The amount of grounding I’ve done, deep introspection, research, self-reflection, and healing has been, in part, because of the time I got back from disconnecting from social media.
These barely scratch the surface but I’m more than open to talking more about my journey if you’d like (anon, or otherwise).
Thanks for asking 🤍
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Wow that's such a wide variety of fandoms. Also it's so funny that we have in common both an interest in poetry and writing love letters for friends XD
Continuing the questions about your work, I want to know which of your GOT7 works you consider the following and why: 1) Your best work, 2) Your most introspective, deep or meaningful work, 3) The one you're most attached to, 4) The one you struggled with the most and 5) The one you aren't happy with but are still glad you wrote it.
(Feel free to add non-GOT7 fics too but since I am your AA, I have to ask for those.)
I think introspection is one of the most important parts of writing, and I hope that this can be an opportunity for you to look back at your work and see how much you've grown!
Wishing you a great day and best of luck for whatever's coming your way.
-Your AA <3
Oof...yeah my taste is wild and changes all the time. You like writing love letters for friend too, huh? I don't think I could do it now if someone where to ask but back in the day, I could've made money 😂 I just want to thank you for asking these questions. I am having so much fun with them and just sitting here thinking of my answers makes my day go by faster. I wrote about Got7 and non-Got7 since some of them I couldn't answer with just Got7.
Looking at everything that I wrote up until now just makes me smile. I have so many different styles, highs and lows...it's crazy. I always enjoy looking back to what got me started!
Best Work?
I think for me the best Got7 piece that I wrote would be Got7's reaction to your natural hair. I wrote that during my transition from treated to natural hair, so it was fun to write. I tend to write a lot based off my life or those around me. I think it's my best work because it felt realistic in terms of how I thought they would handle the situation. It wasn't a rushed piece and I often go back to it, just to read for fun.
A part from Got7, Stupid Love is something I would consider to be one of my best works. It was my first time diving into a new trope (unrequited love) and I just felt that IM from Monsta X fit the role really well. It was nice to challenge myself and I am more than pleased with how that story turned out.
2. Most introspective/deep/meaning?
I would say my Youngjae fic Cry Baby, to me is the one that is the most meaningful. I suffer from bipolar depression and it was a bad day for me. I wrote it to help get my feelings out and so far I think it's the only Got7 fic that holds such a feeling.
Outside of Got7, I wrote a piece for Mingi of Ateez called Consideration which is heavily based on my life. I think people in relationships of any kind tend to forget that the other person has their own wants/needs. You get comfortable with people and lines blur or just get forgotten. You start to take things for granted and Consideration is there to bring light to those feelings and moments.
I really wish I wrote more deeper fic but I just haven't done it yet. It's on my list for 2023 lol
3. Most attached to?
I'm really attached to my Mark fic Piggy Back. It was an idea that just came to me and I didn't struggle with it at all. Everything was finished in one go and I'm pretty proud of that piece. It's one of my earlier works, so I'm sure it could use some touching up but it's just really soft and sweet.
Another one I'm extremally attached to is Closure. It's a quick one-shot that has Bang Chan of Stray Kids. It's another fic that mirrors a low point in my life and it means the world to me. It was healing for me to write and hold a nice piece of my heart.
4. One I struggled with the most?
By far I Won't Let You Fall with Yugyeom has been the fic that I've struggled with the most to write. It was a request for enemies to lovers and I wanted to bang my head against the wall. E2L is not a trope that I like very much, I tend to ignore it a lot. So when it was requested, I took the challenge and it did not disappoint. I'm pretty sure I wrote that request three times before I finally got something that I liked enough to post.
I am currently working on a Min Yoongi soulmate fic (Blackthorn) that is kicking my butt. I have so many ideas for it but it hard to get it all down on paper/screen. There are so many plot holes right now because I always get ideas in parts and never a full picture. So I am struggling to fill in those holes and makes sure point a and b match up before I can even think about point c and d. It's also a royal fantasy au, so I'm trying to world build a lot more which I'm not the best at.
5. One I'm not happy with but glad I wrote?
It is very rare that I post something that I'm not happy with. My Got7 pieces, are works that I love with my whole heart. So, I don't have a Got7 piece that I'm not happy with. I like most of everything that I post, I take my time with it all which is why I like everything.
If anything I would have to say, my Shownu fic Rainstorm is the fic that I like the least. Only because when I read over it, I feel that it's just a lot of word jumble that doesn't need to be there. It doesn't really give anything for the reader to hold onto and think about. Plus it was a piece I wrote back when I was first getting into Monsta X so I don't think I put a lot of thought into it.
Thank you again, AA
Chaos
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Midheaven Persona Chart
So, I’ve been receiving a lot of questions regarding this chart in particular so I wanted to provide a little bit more information for you guys. More specifically the Moon in the Midheaven Persona Chart.
The Moon tells us about our emotional needs. It is also our deepest desires reside. Understanding this is essential in any persona chart, especially the Midheaven PC. This is because we all ideally would like to feel fulfilled on the inside with whatever path we take. It should make us happy and suit our inner desires as far as career paths go. And the Midheaven is not just about our career, it is also about our public image/reputation and where we eventually would like to end up in life. Having an Earth sign as your MC, you will desire stability and long-term satisfaction. As an Air sign MC, you will desire to continually learn and experience everything that you can. As a Fire sign MC, you will seek out adventure, excitement and a place to shine and express yourself. And as a Water sign MC, you will desire to be emotionally fulfilled and be doing whatever your heart longs for. Of course the aspects to the 10H and the planets in the 10H will be significant too. But for today, we’re going to discuss the Moon in the Midheaven PC.
Fire signs
Aries Moon: This moon is a self-starter. They want to do things their own way and seek out adventure. They are drawn to careers where they can lead and inspire. If you have Aries moon in your MC persona chart, then you will likely have an inner calling towards entrepreneurship and/or working on your own. Seek out career paths that allow you to express yourself individually and that provide you with a little bit of a challenge. Aries tend to burn out and lose interest rather quickly, so you will want a career that will make you feel excited and ready every day.
Leo Moon: Leo moons are very confident and they can also be described as visionaries. They wish to live life to the fullest and are passionate about new ventures. They are also good at inspiring others and can be trend-setters in a way if they really let themselves shine. They will ideally enjoy a career that allows them to be creative and also gives them a sense of importance. They are warm-hearted and desire to help wherever they can and this is what will inspire them to come to work. They like to feel needed and like they are an important part of the greater whole. Again, entrepreneurship is perfect for them but so are managerial positions.
Sagittarius Moon: This moon is all about freedom! That is the ultimate goal. They like to take on new opportunities and are open to an abundance of possibilities. They enjoy travel and like to learn new things. They strive to be well-rounded individuals with a heap of wisdom. They also enjoy a challenge and would flourish in careers that allow them to learn, teach and better themselves in any way possible. A career with no growth is not the career for these folks. They are pretty restless so finding a career may take longer than usual but when they find what makes them truly happy, they are dedicated and very optimistic. They usually have a larger than life attitude toward the career world and wish for abundance and a lot of independence. Authority really isn’t their thing unless it is someone they consider wise and look up to.
Air signs
Gemini Moon: This moon loves communication and to express their thoughts. They are sociable creatures and are quite charming. They long for a career that will allow them to speak freely and use their incredible minds to build their success. This could be a career in the media, politics or teaching. Point is, they seek to learn and explore. Their curiosity knows no bounds and they enjoy a career that keeps them on their toes and enthusiastic. On the more light-hearted side, they could enjoy being comedians as well. This also reminds me of someone who would make YouTube videos or be a content creator.
Libra Moon: These are our diplomats. They desire a career that helps them create peace and balance. One would even go further as to say, justice. So this means they would enjoy legal/political related careers. They long for harmony in the workplace and cannot be in a chaotic or messy environment. They need to feel at ease so they are able to put forth as much tact and diplomacy as they can. With Libra being ruled by Venus, these folks may also be drawn to careers that are artistic in some way or involve beauty and/or fashion.
Aquarius Moon: This moon desires a career that brings out their humanitarian side. They ideally want to make the world a better place, either literally or just by creating something innovative that will be remembered for decades. They are very creative and strive for freedom of expression. They are unique individuals who long to express their originality as well as love for all of humanity. These don’t like prejudice or discrimination of any kind—much like their fellow Libra moons. So, with that being said, they will likely be drawn to careers that satisfy their inner visionary. In the workplace a lot of people may see them as ahead of their time as they can appeal to people’s better nature and bring about a desire for change. They are wise as well and want others to consult them when in need of a change of direction or a new tactic to appeal to the masses. They are leaders but in the most humble way.
Earth signs
Taurus Moon: This moon desires security above all. They cannot thrive in an environment that doesn’t promise a steady paycheck or steady position. They can be slow-moving toward their goals but they are incredibly ambitious and this ensures they will always get to where they want to be. Like Libra, they also desire harmony and peace—and comfort as well. They could be comfortable in an office job but there are many avenues for these folks. They are patient so a career that requires this would suit them. They enjoy working on projects for a long-time as long as they are able to work at their own pace. They need a career that will be financially rewarding and also promises comfort and a good social setting. These are the types that thrive in work-related events and can enjoy networking—as long as there is champagne and good food.
Virgo Moon: This moon is drawn to careers that allow them to use their analytical abilities and require a strong attention to detail. They need to feel productive and like they are contributing to a greater whole. They enjoy working in teams and are always willing to lend a helping hand. Ruled by Mercury, they are very insightful and can always provide an extra piece of information. They will enjoy careers that allow them to see the benefits of what they are doing. This is because they can be rather hard on themselves and so they long to feel appreciated and like what they’re doing has meaning. With that being said, these individuals would thrive in health related careers. I could also see them simply writing self-help manuals or doing something that others will find useful.
Capricorn Moon: Ah, the ruler of the 10H itself. These individuals are very hardworking and determined. They desire a career that provides stability-money isn’t everything but they will work hard to ensure they have a seat at the table. They are pretty level-headed and won’t jump into something they know won’t succeed. They can be rather factual and practical individuals. These are the people in the workplace that advise others. And deep down, this is what makes them happy. Being able to advise others on their path and share their wisdom is very rewarding for them. So, if you have a Capricorn moon in your Midheaven persona chart, search for careers that will allow you to contribute something meaningful while also guiding and mentoring others. Also don’t miss opportunities for fear of losing the game or failing. Investing is also something these folks would enjoy! Real estate as well
Water signs
Cancer Moon: These people are drawn to careers that allow them to use their intuition and care for others. They would like to feel some kind of emotional fulfillment from what they are doing. They are very caring individuals and long to express their gentle side. Healing professions would satisfy these folks. They enjoy seeing others happy. Since they are ruled by the Moon itself, they would also do well in feminine related careers. By this, I mean anything that deals with women or motherhood. Sounds a little strange, but these sensitive souls need to be surrounded by loving energies to feel satisfied. They would also do well in careers related to the home, so interior decoration, wedding planning, being a nanny, and real estate as well. They just long to see something being built up into a long-lasting foundation. Working with animals is another avenue.
Scorpio Moon: Alright so we know these folks are ruled by Pluto, which is a planet of change, transformation and the nitty gritty. So they don’t mind getting their hands dirty. Anything that lets them utilize their killer instincts and deep introspection will satisfy them. This could be as simple as teaching a forensic science class or working in clandestine organizations. Point is, they desire to go beneath the surface. They are usually drawn to the psychology field and this actually suits them very well. They enjoy helping others rise above all their demons and come out anew. They are really good at motivating others and enjoy seeing others react to them. They don’t like the superficial but rather desire to dig deep and use their analytical and penetrating mind to bring about profound change and revelation.
Pisces Moon: Now we move into the chameleons of the zodiac. These individuals are prone to adapting to any situation and can be easily affected by it due to their sensitivity. This means, a career that will let you thrive is one where you can use your profound sensitivity to determine what a situation needs. They are very intuitive and like working in different environments. There isn’t one specific environment that suits them. They should go wherever they feel called and do whatever allows them to use their artistic and imaginative side. They don’t like feeling trapped so sometimes they will change career paths a lot or simply just not decide and do whatever makes them happiest. Deep down, you long for a career that lets you feel seen and heard. You also need a career that allows you space and a nice environment to immerse yourself in. That is what gets you going and leaves you feeling satisfied. You want to immerse yourself in what you are doing. You like being completely enthralled in your career and knowing that you are utilizing your greatest gifts to succeed. You don’t like being restricted so opt for a career path that allows you to freely and openly use your talents. These folks are compassionate and very sensitive so they must be careful to not get swept up in something that doesn’t truly make them happy. Know that there is a lot of beauty out there to be found and success comes in many different ways--go where you feel called.
So, I hope you guys find this somewhat helpful when interpreting your midheaven persona chart. I will provide information on other planets as well. Let me know what you guys think and if you can relate!
#astrology#persona charts#midheaven persona chart#midheaven#fire signs#air signs#earth signs#water signs#<3
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Eddie Brock x Reader
summary : Eddie's thoughts were becoming more and more destructive. Yet a night with you, a familiar bartender, it gives him hope he majorly needed
main tags : angst with comfort of a sort , female reader
notes : venom's entire presences isn't known to anyone yet
The room was quiet, even though there were countless others chatting the night away.
The soothing jazz, the appealing décor, it's no wonder why this bar was so popular when it came to the people in the city.
Yet for an unfortunate man, the comforting atmosphere was just not enough to calm him and his stress. With the recent lost of his relationship and job, Eddie couldn't keep his head up for once, something he did towards to many people.
The music was barely reaching to him, he was losing himself in the unforeseen void that was eating him away. He felt his paranoia grow as the distant chatter formed into laughter. Mocking him for how much of a fool he was and how he truly fucked up.
Any moment now he would break. Eddie knew that one more crack would be the thing that does him in, the thing that will forever ruin him.
"Eddie? You ok?"
Eddie flew his head up to his name, in front of him stood you, who was casually cleaning out a beer glass while facing and looking back at him.
Y/n, a well-loved bartender who enjoys her job. She was the chipper one in the group, making witty jokes, and always managed to help the workers look more forward towards their shift. Yet despite how favored she was, almost no one seemingly knew anything else about her.
If you were to ask, everyone's memories of her consisted of running jokes she came up with that person specifically, not many could recall anything else the overall jokes when it came to Y/n. No one knows what she feels behind her bright smile, and everyone was too distracted by her cheerful acts to dig deeper into it.
"Ah... Yeah, yeah, I'm doin' fine." Eddie attempted to casually brush off the concern, he felt like Y/n may not be the best when it comes to being the person someone would complain their heart out to.
"... You seem too troubled to be 'doin' fine.'" Y/n casually commented, her response made Eddie freeze for a second. She stopped cleaning the glass cup and placed it in its proper place, waiting to be picked up again when the next guy comes in shouting how he wanted Budweiser, or whatever beer was popular for tonight.
While being at a closer distance, Y/n grabbed a chair and took a seat, still looking away and focusing on what was on the T.V.
"You caught me. I ain't doin' the best right now... But what's got you so invested?" Y/n slowly turned her head to Eddie before giving him a big grin, it made her thought process unpredictable almost.
She rested her head down on the table, using her arms as some sort of pillow. "Nothing in particular, just couldn't help myself for asking. So, in any case, what's got you down?"
Childish, is what Y/n was almost all the time. Yet in a moment like now, she showed sparks of being the adult she actual was. Maybe it was a moment of desperation to let out his feelings, or maybe it was because she managed to give off such a pleasing figure right now. Either way, Eddie could barely catch himself as he casually gets the weight off his chest with Y/n.
"Have you... Has there ever been a time in your life where it all just seems meaningless? Hopeless?" There was a moment of pecking silence, Eddie looked at Y/n waiting for a response. Her eyes were closed and Eddie could've sworn she had passed out on him right then and there if she hadn't opened one eye as she stared back.
"Yeah. It's enviable basically. Why, did you have a recent epiphany?" The question felt more of a targeted callout, a reminder of all the events that went down. Eddie took a deep exhale before responding.
"Yep. Lost it all in the matter of a few days, now I just.. Don't know what to do anymore." In the back of Eddie's mind, he took a grip on himself. 'Why am I telling her this? I barely know her.'
He was barely able to snap back and hear the next words that came out of Y/n, "I mean yeah, honestly, I'd lose my shit if that all happened personally... I believe every adult is on the verge of cracking, and to have that happen? Lose everything I had worked so hard for? I'm surprised you aren't on the news, being on the wanted list 'cause that would've been my final push." Y/n swiftly swings her head back to look at the television.
Out of everyone in here who would have such an introspect like that, the last person Eddie would believe to have it would be Y/n. "What do you know about being on the low side? Hell, you're nothing but the opposite honestly."
In the eerie pause of silence, Eddie felt disturbed as Y/n sat back up and slowly locked eyes with him while carrying a smile that was a bit too big for the type of conversation they were having.
"I'm an adult too Eddie, please don't be like everyone else and forget that."
Even with the silence broken, the air still felt disturbing as he took in her words, but before he could respond, Y/n got out of her chair and took a stretch. "Well, the usual loud crowd should be here any minute now."
She popped her knuckles in kiddy exaggeration. A mere 180° from what she was a mere moment ago. "I liked our talk, should do it more. I mean, even the ditz can be tired of themselves, y'know?"
She soon pats Eddie on the shoulder lightly, "Hang in there for me soldier, I don't wanna have these types of conversations with nothing but your dead corpse one day." The joke was caught, but for a situation like this, it did nothing but make Y/n's figure even more ambiguous.
Before he could respond, a loud outburst came from the entrance and caught Eddie's attention. It was a group of men, entering the bar, laughing and disturbing the peaceful atmosphere.
Eddie looked back at Y/n one last time, who was irritated and rolled her eyes to the sight. She did the same to Eddie as they locked eyes one last time before she walked off into the back room.
It felt short, but the talk the both of them shared tonight gave Eddie multiple feelings. He felt reassured and comforted, yet clueless in a way as he had many questions for Y/n that never got a chance to be asked.
Either way, Eddie was definitely planning on making a return for the next few nights. Y/n's strange mannerisms managed to puzzle and captivate him.
She was a book, and he wanted to read and understand her. Especially after tonight.
#eddie brock x reader#eddie brock imagine#eddie brock#venom x reader#venom imagine#venom movie#venom#female reader#marvel fanfic
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I've read a few fics by different authors about Robert, and I'm kinda confused. They portray him in different ways, so what's his personality like in different aspects? I know that he's extroverted (I saw him getting typed as an ENFJ) and extra, and has a warm heart, but what about his flirtiness and apparent hedonism? How does his rural ideals contrast with touring? I know people are multifaceted and no one's flawless, but I still wanna know some things for certain.
Oh dear Anon, you have made my day! These are great questions about my favorite subject in the world: Robert Plant.:D And as far as that goes, I could (and will) go on and on about this forever, I’ve got so much to say!!
I’ve been obsessed with Robert’s music as well as with his personal life for years. I find him to be a multifaceted, highly talented and intelligent person who embodies traits that one would think were mutually exclusive, yet are somehow at home in him. He is without a doubt, totally outrageous and extroverted, he wants to be the center of attention, yet he is also reclusive, a deep thinker who is keenly aware of the world around him while also being introspective and self-aware. In his own words he has said
“It's part of me to get off on those moments where... well, what people would call attention. Obviously, that isn't the be-all and end-all of life, but at the states of creativity that I've reached, well, it helps the lyrics along a little bit.”
“ I’m pleased with how ridiculous I am. I like me. Though I’m not a huge fan. I know when to switch me off.”
I do think he has a very warm heart. He is genuinely interested in other people, in experiencing the most out of any given situation.
In my opinion, he loves the idea and the feeling of falling in love. He gets off more on that than on the longevity of it. It’s like he’s got ADHD in the aspect of love lol!! I say this because of the number of serious relationships (and not so serious relationships) that he has had in his life. I’m sure he was saddened when they ended, but then he’s moved on to the next great infatuation and adventure. He’s quite capable of starting again, as he has shown multiple times both in his personal and professional life. But I also think it’s a testimony to his heart that he’s been able to continue to be friends with his past loves. “There have been people I've warmed to over the years but, as the situation I'm in is so fleeting and transient, I've always known it's going to be over kind of real quick.”
I mean think about this: after having children with two sisters, Maureen (his exwife) and Shirley, they have been able to raise their children in what looks like a loving extended family. His sons, Logan (with Maureen) and Jesse (with Shirley), are half-brothers as well as first cousins. Just think on that for a moment. In a recent picture, there’s the entire family on vacation: Maureen, Shirley and their children with Robert, as well as Robert and a previous girlfriend, Jessica something or other (don’t remember her name). He’s not confined to societal conventions. He could give a flying fuck. I love that free spirit and he himself has said (and I paraphrase) that he may come across as being a good mate, but in reality he’s out to do whatever the fuck he wants. (And it shows!! )
He says, “...if you do what you think is right for the benefit of everybody and everything and you make decisions, then to go back and regret them afterwards - it's a futile experience and it's not worth thinking about. Because life just unfolds. Provided you do your best and you think you're on the right track, you can only be right or wrong. But to regret it - I don't think there are any huge errors or misdemeanors.”
In the area of friendship, however, he is fiercely loyal. He and Bonzo were like brothers till the end, and even still, Robert honors his dear friend. He’s also been able to maintain friendships with so many people from his hometown- people he knew before he was famous. He puts away the trappings of fame and fortune to be the good old Black Country boy, riding horses and playing with goats, walking around in the forests and enjoying nature.
“I think I could sing and shear a few sheep at the same time.” he says. He is the picture of the word “earthiness”. Able to be the rock god on stage as well as the humble farmer on the farm or at the local pub. He’s loyal to his soccer team and to the sport itself which has been a lifelong passion. I love that in him.
Is he a hedonist? Absolutely!! he has tasted every pleasure there is to taste. His every material wish could be a reality in an instant...He has done drugs, had hundreds of one night stands. He is a highly sensual man. IMO the sexiest man that’s ever walked the planet. His sizeable bulge perpetually stands as a symbol (no pun intended) of his virility and lust (and I like it!!) He exudes charisma and raw sexual energy. He’s done it all to the highest level, partied and cavorted around the globe. What a life he’s lived!!
But he is also soulful- in his lyrics there is also a deep spiritual side of him: I think he is a modern day troubadour and philosopher. His lyrics touch on that, “it is the springtime of my loving” ….“In the light you will find the road” “when all is one and one is all” “Then as it was, then again it will be, though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea” and I could go on and on with other examples. These are just what popped in my head. “I am a reflection of what I sing. Sometimes I have to get serious because the things Ive been through are serious” He’s experienced moments where he is the “golden god” as well as tragic moments such as the loss of his 5 year old son and the loss of his dear friend Bonzo. These are definitely reflected in his music.
And finally, in his own words:
“I'm like one of those firecrackers that goes off in your pocket occasionally. I'm not really struggling with it as much as the people around me. But at least I'm not doing too much damage to anybody or to myself. It's just the condition I'm aware of."
And he’s still got a twinkle in him and always will.
Thank you for letting me go and on about this man, he holds such a special place in my heart. He is a beautiful and joyous old hippie full of wisdom and talent. He has created a lasting legacy and I hold the deepest admiration for him, despite his human frailties or shortcomings.
If you have read this far, you deserve a kiss and a medal! Thanks so much for this ask!!
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⤑ made-up love song drabbles
Seokjin’s chapter ix
kim seokjin x reader
warnings; angst, this feels pretty heavy at certain points but gets lighter as you go on, there’s a therapy session included, and just a lot of introspection
words; 7,459
author’s note; this kind of ran away with me, wasn’t expecting it to be so long haha but I hope you enjoy!
Read the original chapter ix here
↪︎ read the series here / and drabbles here
After you left Seokjin immediately poured the rest of his whisky down the sink and rinsed his glass. His mind was whirring, head heavy and starting to throb. He swallowed two painkillers down with some water and took a deep breath. He felt like crying. It felt like everything was crumbling around him. All his recent happiness, all his progress, and now possibly it seemed, his relationship with you…
He’d wanted nothing more than to beg you to stay, and he had to an extent, but he knew it wasn’t right. He closed his eyes, not quite believing you’d witnessed all that. You probably thought he was a monster. He hadn’t lost his temper quite like that in a while, not since before the divorce… Embarrassment washed over him, yet he couldn’t stop himself from still being mad at Nana. He knew what you said made sense. He knew he’d been out of line but Nana continuously goaded him. She’d done so throughout their marriage. But he was no saint, he knew how to provoke her too. It’s what they did best.
He moved away from the sink and tried to quash his anger, instead thinking of you and how much he had hurt and upset you. He hadn’t meant for it to get that bad, and he knew deep down that the reason he was so angry was because he’d brought it all on himself. He caused the incident by keeping his relationship with you secret. It hadn’t been on purpose, he wasn’t being vindictive, if anyone would believe him. He just… He had been selfish. He didn’t want to ruin anything because he was finally really happy after god knows how long. It was stupid in hindsight, but what was done was done now.
He reached for Arin’s mug of hot chocolate and fresh waves of guilt and emotion hit him. She didn’t deserve any of this. He needed to be there for her, to push his own troubles away and put on a brave face because none of this was her fault. She needed to know that. Thankfully, the drink hadn’t grown cold yet, and he finished it off with some cream and mini marshmallows. He took one last deep breath and made his way down the hallway. Moping was no good for him. That’s what Chaewon always said.
Arin looked happy to see him, instantly reaching out to him as he took a seat next to her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her close, kissing the top of her head. He immediately felt lighter with relief. His daughter had always been his magical cure, and even though a cuddle wouldn’t make everything in his life right again, it certainly helped, and was very much needed. She asked where you were at one point, and unsure what to say, and feeling like shit for lying, he quickly said you needed to be somewhere. Arin probably didn’t buy it, looking dubious as a result of today, bus she didn’t say anything, asking instead if they could watch a movie.
She wasn’t very talkative, and he didn’t blame her. Neither was he. He spent most of Shrek the Third lost in his own thoughts. As his anger slowly drifted away, shame replaced it. He’d been absolutely awful today and even if some of the things he’d said to Nana came from a valid place of concern, most were shouted for no reason other than frustration and hatred on his part. He was ashamed of himself.
After the movie finished, Arin complained she was feeling hungry, so he left her to pick a new movie while he found something to cook up for dinner. He caught sight of the bowl of salad and his heart sunk, remembering the picnic outside. There was no salvaging it now, everything had probably spoiled in the sun, and as he waited for Arin’s dinner to cook, he went outside with a garbage bag, throwing away all the food you’d painstakingly prepared. It felt like he was throwing your relationship in the trash. He didn’t eat with that thought in mind, managing one piece of toast before it turned on him.
At around 6pm his phone started to ring, vibrating in his front pocket and giving him a shock. For a split second he prayed it was you, but he knew he was being foolish. You needed time and if he was being honest with himself, so did he. He needed to concentrate on Arin tonight, as much as he…loved…you, his daughter’s wellbeing was the most important thing. If he could just make sure Arin was okay, then tomorrow he could concentrate on you and him.
Pulling out the device he saw it was Nana. He suddenly felt very, very sick but picked up with a cautious hello. He was almost 100% sure she wanted to speak with Arin, the only way she could seeing as Arin was too young to have a phone of her own, but he was still wary, not wanting a repeat of earlier.
“I want to speak to my daughter.” There was anger to her tone, and he knew her well enough to understand she had her guard up right now. She’d left his place upset and emotional, and that was two of the things she hated people seeing. Especially him. She hated being vulnerable.
Seokjin sighed weakly. “Nana, come on, don’t be like that.” He hesitated, wanting to say sorry for today but the word wouldn’t come. Despite the guilt setting in, he was still pretty angry and frustrated himself.
“I want to speak with Arin,” she repeated. “Will you let me?”
“Of course I will,” he replied. What did she take him for?
He turned to Arin, ready to tell her it was her mom on the phone, but she was already waiting, her ears probably catching Nana’s name a few seconds previous. He smiled gently at her and passed his cell phone over. He tried to concentrate on the television as they spoke, not wanting to eavesdrop. Arin was uncharacteristically quiet as she hummed along to whatever Nana was saying, the occasional okay and I know slipping from her lips as she curled a lock of hair around her finger over and over again, but he understood why. Today had been overwhelming for everyone involved but especially her. She hadn’t seen or heard them argue in a long time, both he and Nana careful to hide them from her as of late. Today had been an awful mistake and the now a stronger wave of guilt was eating him up.
After a few minutes he heard Arin tell her mother she loved her and then she hung up, returning the phone to Seokjin. He stretched over and placed the device on the coffee table, turning back to his daughter apologetically. “I’m sorry about today, Arin.”
She immediately flung herself into his arms, wrapping hers around his sides to hug him tight. He squeezed her right back, running his fingers through her hair gently. “Daddy was really angry, I shouldn’t have shouted.”
“Mommy shouted too,” she reminded him. “She was angry that I called Y/N my stepmom.” Hesitantly she looked up at him, her eyes wide with worry. “I didn’t know it was wrong.”
Seokjin sighed gently, trying to see things from Nana’s point of view. “It’s not a wrong word. It’s just a word that hurt your mother’s feelings.” Arin looked a little confused by that explanation, and suddenly Seokjin felt the urge to be as honest as he could with her. She was still young, yes, but she wasn’t stupid. Far from it actually. She deserved not to be kept in the dark.
“She… she didn’t know that Y/N is my girlfriend.”
“Why?”
“I was wrong and didn’t tell her.”
Arin stayed silent as she mulled his words over. After a few moments she simply said, “I didn’t know that.”
Seokjin ran a hand down her back, choosing his next words carefully. “Will you tell me what happened today? How mommy found out?”
Arin wriggled away from him to get comfier, sitting back against the sofa again. Seokjin copied, lifting his arm up so she could cuddle up to him. “She asked if I had a new bracelet and I told her Y/N had bought it for me last weekend when I stayed with her.”
Looking down at her wrist now, Seokjin saw no bracelet and he guessed Arin had taken it off in a bid not to hurt her mom even more. She was such a sweet child, always thinking of other people’s feelings.
“Mommy asked who she was and I said she was my stepmom – only because Suzie told me that’s what she is. Suzie has one too and it was fun because then we both had stepmoms.”
Seokjin nodded along in understanding. “It’s okay, it was only a misunderstanding. But to use that word it needs to be discussed first, okay?”
It was Arin’s turn to nod and Seokjin continued carefully. He was well aware everything was up in the air now so it hurt hearing the words that came out of his own month. “Right now Y/N is just Y/N. Before we use that word we have to make sure she likes it, alright? And mommy too.”
“I didn’t know.”
“I know you didn’t,” he comforted, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. He wasn’t even too sure she knew what exactly the word meant.
They both stayed silent for a little while before Arin spoke again. “You and mommy haven’t argued for a long time until today…because I said that word…”
“Hey,” Seokjin exclaimed softly wanting her to look his way. “We didn’t argue because of you. None of this is your fault, okay? It’s my fault and I’m really sorry.”
She gave him a small smile and patted his head. “It’s okay, daddy. I still love you.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. He could always count on his daughter to cheer him up. “Thank you, Arin.” He kissed her cheek. “I love you too. Very much.”
The new week started off badly. He had been foolish to think Mondays were something of a fresh start, foolish to think calling you first thing in the morning was a good idea, and as you told him you needed some space and that you’d call him once the week was over he couldn’t help but think the worst. You’d insisted that you weren’t mad at him, and you had no reason to lie to him, but there was no doubt you were upset… overwhelmed. That morning he’d woken up even more ashamed of the way he’d acted the day before, wincing as he remembered the way he’d lost his temper. He’d sworn that he would never let that side of himself appear ever again, but it was easier said than done. Nana had struck a nerve with the way she had spoken to you and it had been impossible to keep his cool.
He felt deeply ashamed when he thought about how confused you must have felt watching he and his ex-wife hurl abuse at each other. Deeply ashamed when he thought about the way you’d found out things he had never told you… You were hurt he’d never let you know what triggered his divorce, and he understood why completely. It wasn’t like it hadn’t crossed his mind to share such a personal detail with you, it had, of course it had, he just couldn’t bring himself to say the words. Your experience with infidelity was the complete opposite of his. You had your heart torn to pieces by your ex-fiancé and he had his ego bruised… His marriage with Nana had already been completely over, he just didn’t have the guts to get out. She was correct, he was a coward through and through.
But most of all he was deeply ashamed of his behaviour entirely. He had never meant to compare the both of you. He had never meant to use you to hurt Nana. It was extremely petty, such a low blow, and he didn’t know where it had come from. Rage had washed over him and he’d spat words that he couldn’t take back. It was the worst thing he’d ever done in his entire life, and despite the grievances he had with Nana, he regretted those words deeply. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her like that. It was shameful, and he felt horrendous for hurting both women with his foolish behaviour.
Was there a happy ending after this? If Nana didn’t already hate him, she did now, and you were probably not too far behind. You’d seen him at his most poisonous, heard him use you to prove a point, found out things he’d kept from you, and learned he’d kept you a secret from his ex-wife. How embarrassed you must have felt… How confused… He’d made so many mistakes along the way, it was a wonder they hadn’t caught up with him sooner…
He wouldn’t be able to bear it if you wound up hating him. Not when he loved you so much. He hadn’t even had a chance to confess yet, coming so close to it Saturday night but backing out because he was scared it was too soon. He’d made the decision there and then to tell you once he took you to Paris, getting swept away with the idea and the romance of it all, but now the regret for not professing his love that night was like a lead weight inside his chest. Would it have changed anything? Would yesterday have had a different outcome?
And while he was regretting things, he regretted not letting Nana know about the relationship. Yesterday could have been avoided completely – maybe.
The more he thought, the worse it got and by Tuesday he could feel himself spiralling. He knew the feeling all too well. Soobin had already worked out something was the matter. (His lack of morning shave a dead giveaway.) And that meant he was doing a terrible job at hiding his mood. He couldn’t have Arin sensing the same. She obviously hadn’t forgotten about the weekend and wouldn’t anytime soon, but he couldn’t make it worse for her. He needed to be there for her, as her father, not too busy distracted with his own misery. It was selfish.
But he couldn’t suppress it all. He knew that was unhealthy. So, Tuesday night, once Arin was tucked up in bed sound asleep, he called the one person his former happiness had been neglecting for months now…
“Seokjin,” Chaewon greeted, her warm voice laced with surprise. “Long time no speak.”
He felt guilt immediately wash over him. “Yeah… I’m sorry about that.” It was stupid really, she wasn’t taking it personally, he could guarantee that, but nevertheless it was an emotion he was all too familiar with these days.
Chaewon chuckled. “Don’t apologise for being happy and not needing me.”
His heart twisted.
She sensed his trouble. “Jin?”
He hesitated, looking down at the bottle of whisky sat at his desk. He was in his home office. “Something happened.”
There was silence as his therapist processed his vague words before she pressed him gently, “Oh?”
He took a breath. “Are you free to talk?”
“Yes, of course.”
“I’m sorry for calling you out of hours.” He apologised. “Don’t feel bad about billing me for this. I’ll even pay double.”
“Seokjin, don’t be silly,” she told him softly. “Let’s name this a friendship call. Now, what’s wrong?” She sensed the last bit of reluctance he was holding onto. “Come on, you can tell me anything.”
He sighed. “I don’t know where to start.”
“How about from the beginning?”
They spoke for an hour in the end, Chaewon listening attentively as he explained the weekend’s events. He left nothing out, or least what he could remember. He made no attempt to hide his wrongdoings or soften the story. He didn’t want to. He knew he had done wrong. She was sympathetic, but she didn’t mince her words when it came to her disappoint in him.
After the argument he and Nana had gotten into just before Arin had moved in with him, he had worked hard with Chaewon to find a way to curb the anger he often felt when he and his ex-wife communicated. He thought he had been successful, but now he realised all he’d done was find ways to avoid it. He barely spoke to Nana unless he had to, a hello barely exchanged when she called in the evenings to speak to their daughter. A text shared to confirm when Arin would get picked up for the weekend, or one shared to cancel visits… He saw her even less. Jia, Nana’s PA and closest friend was the one who collected their daughter, and he knew it was because his ex-wife wanted to avoid him just as much.
In the long term they had just been making things worse. That’s why last Sunday had been so bad. A build-up of every single frustration felt since the last time they’d seen one another, because no doubt Nana had her own list. It was a recipe for disaster.
It felt good to confide in someone though, someone who knew him very well on a professional and personal level. Chaewon was amazing at putting him in his place so kindly. It was a gift really, and he appreciated it immensely. The older woman saw his negative traits but never judged him. She understood them and tried her best to help him with them. He guessed that was her job, but she did it so well it was hard not to see her as some sort of friend.
That’s why when she asked to see him in person tomorrow he didn’t hesitate to free up his schedule. Truth was, he wanted it too. His mind was still clouded and he needed her insight. Her advice. He wanted a good night sleep too but he didn’t think that would be possible any time soon, no matter how much Chaewon tried to help him. Not when his sheets continued to smell like you…
.
.
“It’s about time you both let go of the past.”
Seokjin let Chaewon’s words sink in as he sat opposite her, nervously chewing on a nail. It wasn’t a habit of his, but it was somewhat of a distraction right now. A comfort. They should have let go of the past a long time ago. Maybe then they would have divorced sooner. Maybe then there would be less resentment….
“Arin is the one thing you have in common and you need to work together in order to be the best possible parents you can.”
That cut his heart deep, a twinge similar to what he’d felt all week. Ever since you left. “I know,” he replied quietly. “It’s just…”
He couldn’t continue. Despite how he’d insinuated Nana was a bad mother, he didn’t think that deep down. They both loved their daughter equally, but that love was separate. It had been separate practically since she was born. Arin was missing their combined love, although she knew no different…
“You need to let go of all that bitterness and resentment.” Chaewon continued. Words she had said fairly regularly for the last two years or so. “For your sake, for Arin’s…” But now there was a new addition. “…and Y/N’s.”
Seokjin snorted. “Who said I haven’t scared her away already?”
Chaewon stare turned a little stern. “It was a shock to the system, anyone would need some time to process what happened.” When he stayed silent, she continued. “You have to make her see you’re trying your best to change things. You need to take responsibility for your actions.”
“I will.”
He wanted nothing more than to apologise profusely and answer any questions you had, but you’d requested time first and he was listening. He was just scared that time would work against him. He continued on, ignoring his deepest, darkest worry.
“It’s not fair on her. She should never have witnessed all that, and it just drums in how unfair this has been to Arin her whole life.” Arin had been the witness to many an argument when he and Nana were still married. “I hurt the people closet to me because of my careless actions,” he concluded with a sad smile. Time after time.
“And it’s not too late to change that,” Chaewon reminded. “Put a stop to all this nonsense.”
Seokjin’s smile grew for a millisecond, feeling like a child getting told off.
“Your marriage with Nana didn’t work out, that’s life. But you have a beautiful little girl together. That’s the most important thing, and it goes hand in hand with your own happiness.” She paused and then continued. “It’s very obvious that Y/N brings a great deal of that to the table.”
Yes, you did make him deliriously happy. He felt young again when he was with you. He felt invincible. Loved. He felt loved.
“Concentrate on both of them – Arin and Y/N – and make some changes. Talk to Nana – civilly. Make this work and you can all be happy. I promise you that.”
He had never heard Chaewon like this before, she was practically pleading with him. He let out a little laugh. “You make it sound so simple.”
She simply smiled at him. “If you’re determined enough, it is.”
.
.
“Mom wants to talk to you.”
Seokjin looked at his phone outstretched in Arin’s hand with slight confusion. For the past four nights, ever since Sunday, Nana had spoken with Arin just before she had to get ready for bed. It was routine now, another avoidance, he exchanged a hello with her and then passed the phone on. Her tone less defensive as the days went on. Tonight had been the same despite his session with Chaewon this lunchtime. But to his surprise, maybe Nana was making the first move.
He took the phone from Arin with a smile, not wanting to make her nervous. Usually he left her alone to speak to her mother, not wanting to pry or insert himself but tonight he was sat next to her on the sofa, replying to emails on his laptop. He hadn’t been listening at all, too engrossed with finalising details for an upcoming project, so of course it had come as a shock to find Arin passing the phone to him.
“Hello?”
“I was just wondering if I could have Arin this weekend.” Nana totally bypassed a greeting of any kind, but she wasn’t demanding in her tone, nor defensive, it was just the way she was. She’d always been straight to the point, no time for pleasantries, and many years ago, when they’d first met, he’d found it highly amusing.
“Um, of course,” he replied, taken back a little. He would be more than happy for her to have Arin. It wasn’t her weekend, but that had never bothered him before. He wanted Arin to see her as much as possible. It was only fair seeing as their daughter now lived with him.
There was a brief silence before Nana spoke again. Had she been expecting him to say no? Surely not. But then again, after last weekend maybe her worries were valid. She found her bearings. “What time does she finish school? I’m taking Friday out, I’ll drive down and collect her.”
Seokjin couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow in surprise. Nana had not once collected Arin herself. “She finishes at 3.”
Nana hesitated, “Do you think they’d let her finish early?”
“I don’t know… It’s usually only emergencies –”
“Never mind,” she stopped him. “There was just a bunch of things I’d planned, thought we could get a head start, it’s fine.”
He glanced over at Arin who was watching him hopefully. It was obvious what their phone call had entailed. They’d been making plans for the weekend and Arin was visibly excited. He smiled at her.
“I could always phone the school tomorrow,” he suggested to Nana. “See if it’s possible. Maybe she could skip the whole day?”
Nana sounded ecstatic. Something he hadn’t heard in years. “Really? Do you think there’s a chance they’d say yes?”
He shrugged to himself. “It’s just one day, I don’t see why not.”
Nana was busy thinking. “Maybe I could take tomorrow afternoon away from the office too… Pick her up at 3.”
It was his turn to hesitate now, opening his mouth ready to suggest something. He knew he owed his ex-wife an apology, but over the phone just wouldn’t do. He needed to see her. He went for it. “Or I could do it for you? I can drive her to you.”
“You would do that?” She sounded shocked.
“If she’s allowed to miss a day then yes.”
“Oh.” It wasn’t often Nana was left speechless. “Okay,” she agreed after a moment. “That would be great actually.”
His attention went back to Arin then, who was practically vibrating with excitement next to him. His replies hadn’t given away much, but it was enough to tell her she’d be seeing her mother this weekend – and possibly skipping a day of school. He grinned at her and she clung to his arm.
“Can I say bye to mom?”
“In a minute, Arin,” he chuckled, amused by her eagerness. “We’re not done yet.” His next sentence was directed at Nana. “I’ll text you tomorrow morning and let you know what the principal said.”
For the first time in god knows how long there was no malice or sarcasm attached to her gratitude. “Thank you, Seokjin.”
He took it as a positive sign. Things were changing. They would change.
The next day he dropped Arin off at school himself. The plan had been to head to reception and ask if he could talk with Principal Jung in person, but after saying his goodbyes and watching Arin meet up with some friends in the playground he began to get second thoughts. What if he accidentally bumped into you? He was on pins even in the parking lot. He wanted to give you all the space necessary and the last thing you probably wanted to see was him walking towards you in the corridor. At work.
No, instead he drove to his office, phoning the principal as soon as he’d finished up his morning meeting. Hoseok – as he’d been told to call him – was completely understanding. Seokjin didn’t even have to whip out the sob story about Arin missing her mom dearly. Dirty tactics were always the last resort, and he could talk a good game, but thankfully his skill wasn’t needed today. Arin was all set to go this evening.
The drive wasn’t a long one thankfully, just under an hour as Nana lived in the neighbouring city. This wasn’t the first time he’d been to Nana’s penthouse, the place she’d bought after they’d sold their family home, but the last time had been pretty explosive. Not nearly as bad as last weekend, but close. Arin had thankfully been waiting in the car for him that time, as he and her mother argued over where she should live permanently.
Seokjin stood beside Arin in the elevator, feeling nervous for the conversation he wanted to have. He was never above apologising when he was in the wrong, but with his ex-wife saying sorry had never come easily. It was childish and he knew he needed to change, so today was the perfect test. If he wanted a clean slate he had to be as honest as possible.
“Mommyyy,” Arin squealed as she opened the door to greet them, barrelling into her practically.
Seokjin stood back as they hugged, a soft smile on his face.
“Arin, I missed you,” Nana informed her, breaking away to take her bag. As she did so, she glanced at Seokjin, then back at their daughter. “Listen, darling, go to your room for a little while so I can speak to daddy.”
Seokjin felt a little relieved. At least they were on the same page – potentially.
Arin though, was unsure, looking between her parents as she spoke. “I don’t want to. What if you argue again?”
He felt his heart break at her words. “We won’t, sweetie,” he reassured, bending down to look her in the eyes. “I promise.”
She still looked dubious, but then Nana took over, her voice light and breezy. “We won’t be long, okay? Think about what pizza you want to order for dinner.”
Arin’s eyes lit up at that request and Seokjin couldn’t help but chuckle. That pizza obsession of hers was getting dangerous. “Okay,” she agreed easily, waving to him before she skipped off to the furthest part of the apartment.
Seokjin watched her leave before rising up again, tugging down the ends of his jacket. Nana was looking at him, an unreadable expression on her face, but he knew it wasn’t anger she was feeling, so that was a plus. He thought back to Sunday, how mad they had both been, how upset Nana had looked as she’d rushed off. The guilt came back.
He exhaled. He might as well just bite the bullet. “I’m sorry for calling you a terrible mother. I didn’t mean it.”
Nana stayed silent but her arms wrapped around herself. It was such a vulnerable action, it took him by surprise.
He continued. “I was just frustrated. I let things build up and exploded.”
She stared him straight in the eyes, shoulders sagging a little but her voice was strong. “You know I love our daughter half to death.”
“I do,” he agreed. “I don’t doubt that.”
She look relieved. It made him feel oddly sad. He had never wanted to make her doubt herself as a mother. He was a piece of shit.
Still, she needed to understand some things. His point of view and where he was coming from. His frustrations weren’t all for nothing. They were valid. “But you have to understand I’m the one who has to pick up the pieces when you end up cancelling on her. It takes its toll.”
Nana’s gaze flickered to the floor as she whispered. “I’m trying to be better.” Then she looked up again, her voice stronger. “I’m trying to free my weekends up. I’m trying not to do as much. I thought maybe I could even have her for an evening every weekday? I could pick her up from school, take her out for dinner. I know it’s a distance but maybe I could get every Wednesday afternoon away from work... Hopefully.”
Seokjin was impressed. Nana lived and breathed work so to hear she was thinking about possibly taking an afternoon away every week was… It made him very happy. “She’d love that,” he grinned genuinely. “She misses you a lot.”
Nana couldn’t help but smile too. “I miss her always.” With a slight chuckle she continued, “This apartment is so quiet without her.”
Seokjin looked down at his feet and grimaced slightly. He knew that feeling all too well. Living without Arin had been close to torture after the divorce. Everything felt so silent, the house gigantic and lonely. He hated the thought of Nana feeling the same way. “You can see her any time, Nana,” he murmured. “I’ll never try to stop you.”
Despite everything, their grievances toward one another, they had and would always co-parent well. Arin was their number one priority and she needed both parents in her life.
“I know that,” Nana nodded, “and I’d never try to take her from you.”
It didn’t bear to think about, but he had to admit, sometimes it was easy for irrational thoughts to creep in when someone was left feeling insecure.
“She loves living with you. She’s really settled at her new school, she never stops talking about her friends.” Nana continued, making small talk of sorts. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d done this. “She’s the happiest I’ve ever seen her.”
Seokjin nodded in agreement. She loved her new school, her new friends – her new life, you could say. That was easy to see.
Nana cleared her throat, dropping her arms to her sides. “I apologise too. I was out of line turning up at your door like that. I was just so mad... so hurt.” She took a few seconds. “I wish you’d just told me.”
“I should have.” She was absolutely right. “I see that now and I regret it. It was wrong of me to keep my new relationship from you. I wasn’t doing it to be vindictive. I just...” he stopped himself. Even though they weren’t excuses, they felt like they were. His reasons didn’t matter.
“You should have been the first to know because of Arin. If I was in your shoes, if it was the other way around, I would have been angry too.” He stopped and sighed at his stupidity. “I never meant to hurt you, neither did Y/N. She actually had no clue you didn’t know until that day.”
Nana’s eyes widened with shock, before she looked regretful. “Yeah, that one makes me feel even guiltier. I shouldn’t have spoken to her the way I did. It was a shock to hear Arin speaking about a stranger like that. A stranger I had no clue existed.”
Seokjin appreciated her apology, but he needed to make sure she understood something. “Yeah, about that, Arin really has never called Y/N her stepmom. We’ve only been together for a few months. I spoke to her about it and Arin understands that’s not the case. It was just kids being kids.”
Nana nodded. “I shouldn’t have flown off the handle, and I should have listened to your explanation the first time around.”
He held her gaze. “I’m not trying to replace you, Nana.”
If that’s what she was worried about, it wasn’t the case. He had never meant to compare the two women and he regretted it deeply.
Nana’s lips quirked up at the side, her voice relaxed and at ease. “But eventually Arin will call her that.”
His eyebrows shot up, understanding what she was getting at. “I don’t know,” he shook his head. His relationship with you was up in the air right now. He’d made one too many mistakes.
Nana brushed him off with sway of her hand. “I guess I’ll learn to deal with it when the time comes.”
He admitted defeat. “And I’ll have to do the same.”
It was inevitable really. One day Arin would probably have two blended families and while he really wanted his to be with you, he didn’t want to get his hopes up right now.
Nana snorted. “Fat chance of that happening. I don’t have time to fall in love again.”
He stayed silent, unsure what to say. He’d thought the same once upon a time. Until you walked straight into his life. (Or, more fittingly, until he’d reversed straight into yours.) Everyone deserved love in their life and he hoped that one day his ex-wife would find it again.
She was looking over at him sadly now, eyes softening, and it was almost jarring to see her show this much emotion in front of him. “I did love you, you know,” she murmured before laughing quietly at herself. “I felt like I never told you enough, but in the beginning it was good, right?”
“It was.” Seokjin hated getting nostalgic, in fact, he actively avoided it, but in this moment he let himself go. Ten years ago, he and Nana had fallen hard for one another. It was fast and exhilarating but – “We just…”
“Rushed into things that weren’t meant to be?” She finished for him.
He’d been so eager to marry before he was thirty, to follow in his parents’ footsteps. He wanted, no, needed, to become CEO. He needed to build something he could be proud of, and having a family fit into that logic. He’d had tunnel vision, but it wasn’t all bad.
“I can’t regret it though,” he told Nana softly, “because we made Arin.”
“At least we agree on one thing,” she chuckled.
“Yeah,” he smiled.
It was strange speaking like this with one another. He couldn’t even think of the last time something similar had happened. They were always too busy at one another’s throats, not listening to what the other had to say. Now all that fight had gone. They were both exhausted from years of bitterness. Years of fighting.
He didn’t want to fight anymore.
Nana seemed to think the same.
“I’m ashamed she had to hear us fight like that,” she said. “I apologised on the phone but…”
“She’s okay.” He reassured. “I think she still thinks it’s her fault a little though. I’ve tried telling her it wasn’t repeatedly.”
“I’ll talk to her over dinner.”
“Good idea.”
There was a pregnant pause before Nana chuckled. “This is the first time we’ve spoken so civilly in a long time.” She hesitated, wanting to say something else. He waited patiently, curious. “Maybe we should think about talking it out with a professional?”
He raised his eyebrows. It wasn’t a bad idea actually, but then… thing seemed to be working out well on their own right now. “Maybe we should see how things go first? Now that we know how one another feels.” They weren’t out of the dark yet, but it was looking hopeful. “But if you think it will help then I won’t refuse,” he added, wanting to show how seriously he was taking this.
She smiled slightly. “Okay, we’ll see how things go.”
It seemed like the conversation had run its course then, and Seokjin shuffled, about to suggest he head out now, but Nana spoke again. “Are you okay?” She asked. “No offence, but you look like shit.”
He laughed, actually laughed, at her words. He could always count on her to be honest with him. “I haven’t been sleeping very well,” he admitted, “but talking with you definitely helped.”
She eyed him doubtfully. “I hope I haven’t ruined things with you and Y/N. I can talk with her if you want?”
“No, it’s fine,” he shook his hand.
She looked down, feeling foolish. “I guess I did enough damage.”
He chuckled. “No, pretty sure I did that all on my own.”
Looking up, her mouth opened, as if she was about to ask him what he meant but stopped herself at the last second. She wasn’t there yet, and neither was he.
He took a step back. “I should go.”
Nana went to follow him to the door. “I’ll have her back by Sunday. Do you want to say goodbye?” She saw his nod and called for their daughter, her voice echoing off the walls. “Arin? Arin, darling, come here and say bye to your dad.”
A few seconds later he heard Arin’s footsteps getting closer, she hovered by the entryway, looking worried for a second, as if she was expecting the worst but then she saw her parents smiling faces and relaxed instantly.
“I’ll see you Sunday, okay?” Seokjin told her as she made her way towards him. He reached to pick her up, something she scolded him over sometimes because it was “embarrassing” now. She was getting older, he kept forgetting, because to him she would always be his little girl. This time however, she let him do so, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed his cheek.
“Okay, bye daddy. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” he grinned, kissing her back before he put her down.
Nana watched on with a grin of her own.
Being home alone was odd. Seokjin couldn’t remember the last time he’d been on his own. In the week Misook was here to help out with Arin and the housework, then every other weekend she often dropped in when he needed her. When the house wasn’t occupied by his daughter or Misook, you were here with him, so it had been quite a while since it was just him. It reminded him of the past, when he’d lived here all alone. He never wanted to go back to that.
He was happy to see Friday roll around. It felt like he’d been waiting all his life. Just one more day and he’d get to speak to you. The lack of communication was killing him. Ever since you’d began dating you’d spoken every day. It felt strange to be without that, like he was missing a part of himself. He’d been able to distract himself with work throughout the week, but no amount of distractions could really stop him from thinking about you. Stop him from missing you. Because he did. Terribly.
The photo on his desk didn’t help matters either – the two of you smiling together on the fishing trip he’d organised over the summer – but like hell was he hiding it away in a drawer.
It was probably best that Arin was with Nana this weekend. It gave you both some time to talk and sort things out – hopefully. He was praying so hard that everything would be okay, but he was getting ready to fight for you. Just in case. Of course he would listen to what you had to say, and respect it too, but if it happened to be bad news he would try his best to make you see how sorry he was and how hard he was trying to change. He couldn’t lose you. Not when he loved you so much.
You made him want to be a better man.
.
.
He got home pretty late from the office, staying just to avoid an empty house and after having a quick shower and ordering takeout, he decided on an early night. This week had been mentally and emotionally draining so it was probably for the best. Plus the sooner he slept the sooner tomorrow would come.
He’d just stepped out of the bathroom when he heard his phone ring in his sweatpants pocket. He pulled the device out automatically, expecting it to be Namjoon, because who else would be calling at this time? But to his surprise and utter amazement, he saw your name flashing across his screen.
His heart began to pound embarrassingly loud and he rushed to answer, sounding a little breathless as he murmured your name.
“Hey, you,” your replied, and he swore he could hear the smile in your voice. His shoulders instantly released the tension he hadn’t realised they’d been holding.
“I wasn’t expecting you to call tonight.” He heard himself say, cursing himself because it sounded so dumb. He was over the moon you’d decided to call. Of course he was.
“Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“Of course not,” he rushed. “Well,” he laughed, “I was just about to head to bed.”
You laughed along softly, the sound making his heart sing. “I was going to wait until tomorrow but Soojung is with Taehyung tonight and being alone means I can’t stop thinking about you.”
He couldn’t stop the sigh of relief that slipped past his lips. It was so good to hear you say that. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all week. Are you ready to talk? I’m willing to answer any questions you have.” He meant every word.
“I’m ready,” you replied. “Should I come over? I don’t want to do this over the phone.”
“I can come to you?” He suggested instead, not wanting you to go out of your way for him. “Arin’s with Nana until Sunday.”
“Oh. Okay. Now?”
“It’s not too late?”
“No, it’s fine.” You sounded a little eager and that just made even more relieved. He’d been expecting the worst all along. “I really want to see you.”
He smiled, happiness overwhelming him. “I’ll be there soon, okay? Really soon.” As he spoke he made his way into the closet, opening up his drawers to find a clean t-shirt.
“Don’t speed,” you told him jokingly.
“Of course I won’t,” he laughed. “I’m going to hang up now but I won’t be long.”
“Okay, see you soon, Seokjin.”
He couldn’t stop the grin on his face as he said his final goodbye, his heart racing with excitement as he tore off his old shirt to put the new one on. It was a little creased, but it would do. He didn’t have time to find anything else.
He needed to see you.
He needed to be with you.
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Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 6
Hi , do you got any fluffy johnlock with cuddling
(submitted by here-4-tha-ship)
Anonymous asked: hiii got any johnlock fics where sherlock wants a hug but he feels embarrassed to ask john? thank you sm <3
—–
Hi Lovelies!! I sure do! And enough to do a new list too!! So thank you, people don’t ask for this enough these days hahhah! Hope you enjoy!!
See also:
Hugs & Cuddles and Tooth-Rotting Fluff (Pt. 2)
Hugs & Cuddles Pt. 2 /…/
…/ Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 3 /…
Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 4
Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 5
A Better Fate Than Wisdom by flawedamythyst (G, 1,339 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, John’s Sexuality Crisis, Pining Sherlock, Happy Ending, Fluff) – Nearly four hours pass between their first kiss and their second.
Evermore by SosoHolmesWatson (G, 2,068 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4, 5-Year-Old Rosie, Love Confessions, Song Fic, Parentlock, Oblivious John, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Disney Songs, Beauty and the Beast) – For the past years, John and Sherlock have lived at Baker Street again, raising Rosie together--as friends and nothing more. Ever since the little girl has watched her first Disney movie, she is obsessed with princesses. When John comes home one day, he finds his friend and his daughter in the middle of a reenactment of her current favourite. Part 1 of Made of Music
Living Musical by VeeTheRee (G, 4,149 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hobbies, Summer, Song Fic, POV Sherlock, Painting, Play Fighting, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Love Declarations, Hair Petting, Promise of Forever) – A one-shot of John and Sherlock being domestic during summer. There is paint, fluff, and music from Imagine Dragons, namely from the album 'Speak To Me', specific song in this one-shot is 'Living Musical'. Part 1 of the Happy Fluffy Johnlock Time series
Date Night by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 4,451 w., 1 Ch. || Anxious / Worried Sherlock, Caring John, Schmoopy Fluff, Fidget Cube, Baking / Cooking, Date Night, Established Relationship, POV Sherlock Holmes, Understanding John, Grumpy Sherlock, John’s Bum, Kisses, Hugs, Domestic Fluff, Touching, Hair Petting, Light Humour) – It's John and Sherlock's first Date Night as an official couple and Sherlock needs it to be PERFECT. Mrs Hudson helps. Part 7 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection
To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.
There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”
holding steady by darcylindbergh (E, 12,724 w., 4 Ch. || Post S4, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Growing Old, Gone Fishing, Mood without Plot, Soft Sherlock, Caring Sherlock, POV John Third Person, Anxious Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Touching, Feeling Old, Sherlock Worship, Crying Sherlock, Cuddles, Comforting, Introspection, Retirement, Hand Holding, Forehead Kisses, Caring John, Bed Sharing, Emotional Love Making) – Sitting on a thick wool blanket at the end of a rickety dock side-by-side, legs dangling over the edge, a styrofoam container of wet, dark dirt between them, they’re fishing. John knows what this is about. This is about finally figuring it out.
On The Fence by BeautifulFiction (T, 13,770 w., 1 Ch. || Fencing, Case Fic, First Kiss, Insecure John, Pining John, Hug, Greg Finds Out) – The murder of the King's College fencing champion leads to revelations about Sherlock's past. Will it be the point that tips them from friends to lovers, or will they remain on the fence?
The shape of the world around us by Salambo06 (E, 15,058 w., 5 Ch. || Lumberjack John / Botanist Sherlock, Different First Meeting, John Has a Beard, Light Case Fic, Flirting, First Kiss / Time, Masturbation, Love at First Sight, Horny Sherlock, John’s Bum, Bottomlock, Tenderness, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Shy Sherlock, Sexual Fantasies) – Looking through the bush, Sherlock felt his heartbeat quicken as a man passed in front of him. Sherlock frowned, trying to get a closer look despite the bush. The man was wearing a red plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows, and Sherlock couldn't take his eyes off the man’s arms. Muscular, slightly tanned with golden hairs along his forearms. For some unknown reason, Sherlock found himself imagining them around his waist, holding him tightly. Closing his eyes for the briefest second, Sherlock shook his head. Opening his eyes and looking back to where the man stood only a moment prior, he found himself alone. Great, now his only chance to find his way back to town was gone. “Why are you wearing a suit?”
A Hooligans’ Game Played By Gentlemen by scullyseviltwin (E, 15,213 w., 1 Ch. || First Time, Rugby as Foreplay, Porn with Lots of Plot, John POV, Ogling, Body Appreciation, Cranky Sherlock, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Cuddling, Touching, Heavy Petting, Blow Job, Botttomlock) – In which John wants to get back in shape, does so, joins a rugby league and has sex with Sherlock Holmes. In that order.
Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.
Deck the Halls by itsalwaysyou_jw (T, 31,018 w., 24 Ch. || Advent Fic / Multiple One-Shots, Assorted Tags) – One Johnlock ficlet for every day leading up to Christmas. Who is ready for pining, first kisses, established Johnlock, and everything in between? This collection of stand-alone ficlets will have it all.
Lucifer's Gardens by ampersand_ch (E, 32,679 w., 12 Ch. || GERMAN VERSION || Romance, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Murder, Poison / Drugging, Mystery, John Undercover, Academic Club, Therapy, Rituals, Jungian Archetypes, Doctors & Physicians, Grief/Mourning, Esotericism, Hospitals, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, John Falls In Love With Another Man, Jealous Sherlock, Crying, Doctor John, Hand Holding, First Kiss/Time, Mysticism, Hugging, Touching) – John goes undercover for an investigation as a favour to Lestrade in a village in Suffolk. The events surrounding the case awaken deep-seated fears in Sherlock. While John begins to come to a realisation of what he needs in Lucifer's Gardens, Sherlock tries to find a way to reach John – in more ways than one.
Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...
Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets, Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love, Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.
Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?
Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.
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200 followers!
So here’s a list of One shots for celebrate✨
Everyone Deserves A Someone by LoquaciousLupin
With nothing better to do during the holidays at Grimmauld Place, Hermione and Ginny wonder whether their former Professor has a special someone - with no other ideas, they do the only thing they can and ask him. With a little help from Tonks, Remus answers their questions as honestly... as he can. Remus and Tonks fluff.
A Beautiful Tune by SweetDeamon
I'm...not coming." he said, reaching to shove his hands deep into his pockets. "On the mission. With you." Tonks stared at him in confusion. "Why not?" she asked, grip upon the cloak in her hand going limp. Remus struggled to come up with a convincing lie. "Because I...I..." Because I'm dying. Because you've struck me dead in the heart.
The Unspeakable Girl by SweetDeamon
"She makes me feel so on top of this world that I wish I'd never been born into it in the first place! So I can't stand to talk about her, Dad! I simply can't!" In which Remus Lupin visits his father and confesses something quite extraordinary. Based on information from POTTERMORE. Consider yourselves warned. RLNT.
The Future's Not Ours To See by Gilpin
Remus Lupin has a lot on his mind; his current undertaking for the Order of the Phoenix, and how to obtain questionable potions from an unhelpful Apothecary owner. Can he bring both to a satisfactory conclusion?
Rhapsody in Blue by copperbadg
Remus has decided it's time to cure Tonks of her awkwardness, the only way he knows how.
Kissing It Better by Lady Bracknell
On her first date with Remus, Tonks discovers that spilt beer on wooden floors is the enemy of the less than surefooted everywhere. Will she die of embarrassment, or will Remus find a way to make it all better?
Kiss and tell by Lady Bracknell
For all his supposed genius, Sirius Black had always had rather a blind spot for the patently obvious.
What To Make Of Him by Lady Bracknell
Neither Ted nor Andromeda know quite what to make of their daughter's boyfriend. Can he win them round over Sunday lunch?
On First Impressions by cafei-au-lei
"'You know,' Sirius said, 'it's kind of funny. For someone who thinks Remus is so annoying, you sure can't seem to stop talking about him.'" A series of moments in Remus and Tonks' developing relationship as they get to know each other and learn that maybe first impressions aren't necessarily everything. OOTP. Fluffy oneshot.
The Order's Most Eligible Bachelors by cafei-au-lei
The Order's Most Eligible Bachelors, or: the ladies indulge in some firewhiskey and gossip. Sirius and Remus stumble upon a game they're not sure they want to be privy to (okay, maybe Sirius does.) The results lead to some necessary conversation and introspection for a few of the parties involved. Oneshot.
The Talk, Or: The (Lighthearted) Trauma of Teddy R Lupin by cafei-au-lei
Teddy knew when Dad brought out the firewhiskey that something was suspicious. Then again, maybe he wasn't giving Dad enough credit for being the cool parent. AU. Remus and Tonks survive to raise their son and give him The Dreaded Talk. Oneshot.
Movement by MrsTater
Things appear to have changed. One shot, RLNT
Retrograde by MrsTater
Sequel to Movement: Tonks strongly suspected, though she hadn't much experience, that it wasn't normal for adults who fancied other adults to do what she was doing now.
Kernels by MrsTater
A Transfigured Hearts outtake: a cosy night in with Remus takes an unexpected turn when popcorn finds its way into odd places and leads Tonks to make an important discovery.
Party till the wolf comes by MrsTater
Fatherhood doesn't send Remus on a pub crawl, but announcing the birth of his son to his closest friends turns out to be the next best thing.
Overheard by MrsTater
Sirius tries to play matchmaker for an ambivalent Remus and Tonks, but when everyone keeps overhearing everyone else's conversations, things get a little complicated as shapeshifters prove to be anything but predictable... Updated Sept 3, 2007
The Honeymooners by MrsTater
Two years after their wedding, Remus and Tonks finally make it on their honeymoon. But now they've got something they didn't when they first married, will they be able to stop thinking about it long enough to enjoy themselves? AU
A Conversation That’s Not About Veela by starfishstar
Harry and Professor Lupin talk about women, and other things. During Christmas of HBP. (A gen story, but with very strong hints of Remus/Tonks and Harry/Ginny.)
Sleeping by starfishstar
Tonks sleeps; Remus muses
Precisely What I Mean by starfishstar
Remus with Teddy was easily the sweetest thing Tonks had ever seen. It seemed Remus couldn't ever hold Teddy without gazing down at his son with a huge, helpless, delighted grin. "Don't your cheeks ever get tired?" Tonks couldn't help teasing him once, and he'd glanced up, bewildered by the question – he didn't even realise he was doing it.
A Slow and Stopping Curve by aegle
Concerning Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks. Set during Order of the Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince.
St. Margaret's by aegle
Remus, Tonks, a Muggle automobile, and a slightly disappointing beach adventure
On Bethlehem Down by aegle
Remus Lupin finds himself at Nymphadora Tonks' flat on Christmas Eve, 1996
The poem which i do not write by aegle
So, it has come to London with them, whatever it is.
The Watch by Sirussly
He'd grown so used to her endless chatter and relentless questions, a burning ball of energy with a laugh like her mother's. Some nights Tonks would listen to him instead, to stories of war and the price one pays for being a soldier in the middle of it. Occasionally neither of them would speak, but once her hand found his and stayed there until the sunrise coloured the sky.
Flame by Eat a Taco
It's strange what the soft light of a candle can do to someone.RLNT, sometime during HBP
Cover Me by Maggiemaye
Remus and Tonks embark on a mission that tests their well-established partnership to its limits. Even while surrounded by Death Eaters hidden in plain sight, they find that their greatest threats may come from within.
Expecto Patronum by Shimotsuki
Remus and Tonks have dinner at the Potters' after seeing Teddy off on the Hogwarts Express. James and Al are full of questions, including one that not even Harry knows the answer to.
Meet the Reindeer by SweetDeamon
Nothing untoward had happened since Teddy had arrived home from Hogwarts for the holidays this year. So far there had been no manically jingling elves, no traumatised Santa Claus, no mass snowball fights, no exploding cans of fake snow and as of yet nothing had come hurtling down the chimney or splattered anything or anybody with ammunition of the culinary kind. So far. RLNT AU.
Meet the Teacher by SweetDeamon
In which Remus and Dora receive word from Hogwarts that their son's homework has been completed in a far from satisfactory manner. The subject? Defence Against the Dark Arts. The topic? Werewolves. They've been expecting trouble since the beginning of term...but who feels less prepared? Teddy's parents or Teddy's teacher? Neville has a hunch... AU. RLNT. Rated for mild language.
A Study In Pink by SweetDeamon
"He isn't entirely sure how it is that a certain pink haired witch came to be lying snugly in the bed beside him yet again, or indeed why such a thing had ever occurred the first time around..." RLNT.
A Piece of Cake by SweetDeamon
"How long does it take to make a bloody sponge cake!" "You can't rush art, Sirius." Tonks attempts to bake Remus a birthday cake. "Attempts to" being the key phrase here... RLNT. Happy Birthday Gelly Bean!
The Christmas Waltz by Lady Bracknell
As Christmas approaches, Remus and Tonks dance around the idea of togetherness, wondering if either of them is leading, or know where they're going at all.
Mistletoe and Wine by Lady Bracknell
Remus falls foul of the mistletoe. Twice. RL/LP, RL/NT, LP/JP, rated for language.
Afraid of the Dark by Lady Bracknell
Remus had always been ill at ease in the forest, but when a mission for Dumbledore sends him into the heart of the place with Tonks by his side, he finds his apprehension harder than usual to shake off.
The Luck of the Draw by Lady Bracknell
She sits on the carpet, shuffles the cards, then deals them out. She came here with the hope of forcing the issue, because she just knows they shouldn't be about can't and won't.
Chione by: cafei-au-lei
Remus has confirmation that Tonks may return his feelings - now all that's left is to decide what to do with this rather exciting and terrifying information. And although it's been a strange year, this year's Christmas could shape up to be one of the best Remus has ever had. Takes place after "The Order's Most Eligible Bachelors." RLNT OotP holiday fluff.
The First Night by: cafei-au-lei
Most major events in Remus' life have done nothing but reinforce the crushing inevitability of his condition and the life that it has condemned him to. But maybe there is hope to be had, after all.
amare by: cafei-au-lei
At first, the idea that Tonks and Professor Lupin could be together was equal parts baffling and absurd. But then, maybe it did make a tiny bit of sense, Ginny thought, as she watched the way Professor Lupin looked at Tonks over the breakfast table. But she still couldn't help but think that this love and relationships thing was far too complicated. RLNT.
War Baby by MrsTater
It's time for Teddy's first outing, and for Tonks to make peace with a noble great idiot. Set during Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Perchance To Dream by: MrsTater
A dream leads to an argument and an unexpected quest to seek out the meaning. Will Remus and Tonks kiss and make up? More importantly, who will come out on top? RLNT, Deathly Hallows, Mature.
Like a Cat in the Sun by starfishstar
Remus is in a house full of women.
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hello!! thank you for all the great work you do for the fandom, your recs are lifesaving and always excellent. do you think you could make a list for drarry fics where loneliness is a major theme? i'm sure you've got a lot going on, so no pressure or anything, just something i would love to see :)
Thanks so much anon ❤️ and what a great ask! I love introspective fics that explore this theme in a complex and sensitive way. A few fics come to mind and I tried to include some different tropes and tones. Hope you enjoy these!
break the bad luck in my life by seaworn (2019, E, 11k)
Draco and Harry are both brooding on Christmas Eve.
Voices From The Fog by @noeeon (2010, E, 13k)
After years of running away, Harry crosses paths with an all-too familiar face and follows him to Amsterdam.
Exiled by A_factorygirl_69 (2013, E, 16k)
Draco is declared persona non grata by the Ministry after the War. Harry has been tasked with keeping an eye on him, ensuring he stays out of England.
UnKnown by DorthyAnn (2020, M, 22k)
Draco just wanted a second chance, he was willing to work hard, he was willing to do whatever it took, but no one would let him live down his past. But when he recklessly casts a spell promising a new life, he's not prepared for the consequences.
Feathers, Fire & Fate by agentmoppet (2020, T, 26k)
Harry Potter ignites the Veela’s Curse and gets an unwitting Draco Malfoy bonded to him as his executioner… and soulmate. They’ll need to break it quickly, before it takes over, but Potter isn’t the only one running out of time.
Exposure by GallaPlacidia (2020, M, 27k)
When Seamus uncovers Draco Malfoy's camboy profile, he, Harry and Ron decide to anonymously book a private show so as to humiliate him later. Fascinated by Draco's confidence, Harry keeps booking private shows under the disguise...
A Room Up There (And You In It) by @the-starryknight (2020, T, 59k)
When Preservationist Draco Malfoy was assigned to work on Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, he was excited to delve into the gorgeous Black family antiques. His excitement quickly ended when something in the House decided it did not like his presence one bit. Featuring a grumpy antiques lover who most certainly did not sign up for this, encounters with a vengeful apparition, and a healthy application of Christmas spirit.
Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (2020, E, 61k)
Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.
Little Compton Street (One Rainy Night in Soho) by @writcraft andLLAP115 (2018, E, 65k)
Draco is lonely, Harry hates the press and it won’t stop raining in London. Harry discovers a magical street that’s close to disappearing forever and Draco realises he’s one rainy night in Soho away from finding everything he’s been searching for.
Running on Air by @tinyhistory (2014, T, 74k)
Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.
I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (2019, E, 93k)
Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography.
A Sword Laid Aside by @korlaena (2018, E, 128k)
When Draco’s cover is blown during a deep undercover operation and the Ministry is compromised, Ron takes Draco to the only safe place he can think of—Potter. Hiding out with a taciturn Harry Potter, who has been missing from the Wizarding World for almost two decades after a shocking fall from grace, is nothing like Draco thought it would be.
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Heads up we got an
Adult Hikikomori Sunny AU
I've been waiting to find an AU after the neutral end of the Hikikomori route for a while. What happened to Sunny? How did his life go on after that? Did he go to college? Did he get a fulltime job? Did he figure out what he wants in life?
these are all very good questions because literally anything could be the case. So this AU is just gonna be stuck in a hospital setting for a while.
Here's what I got so far:
Past:
Hospital Psychiatrist (practicing? Training?) Doctor Hero
I imagine after Basil's death, Hero would (eventually) turn to learning how to identify and help people with suicidal tendencies, if he's gonna be a doctor anyway.
In a choice between psychologist and psychiatrist, Hero went psychiatrist. Hero's parents would pressure him into getting a more lucrative job. PLUS psychiatrists go to college for 8 years, then take four more of psychiatry residency. Hero might feel just a little more accomplished, just a little better about himself for earning a higher degree, just to reassure himself that he's working hard and doing his best towards helping people.
Hero did extra studying in psychotherapy. He tried doing it at the same time as he did medical college. He's not.. the best at it because of that, for several reasons, but he knows it's better to combine medicine and conversation. When he has his head on straight, he can manage it.
I have.. no idea whether to put Hero into practice or residency. He'd have to be at least around.. 31, if he were in practice. That's a long time to have unresolved trauma. That's a nice hunk of research i gotta do.
That's it that's all for Hero. His goals are set in the present and focused around other people, as per usual.
Sunny is... not doing so well. He lied about going to college when he moved into some hole far away from his mother. He has no reason to get up in the morning when he can just lie around. He doesn't enjoy whatever hobbies he used to have.
He doesn't even know Basil is gone and he's so bad off.
He's honestly convinced himself that he doesn't care about anything. He still cares about people, however. He'd have stayed with his mom and burdened her with himself if he didn't. When they had moved from Faraway, it was to a cheaper, smaller place. That meant Sunny's mom didn't have to work so much. That meant more time with Sunny. He decided it was.. preferable not to stay.
The only times he does anything is when he tries to remember the past and relearn the person he used to be. What did he do? What did he like? He'd play games, and read comics, and would get frustrated? move on to something else when those did nothing for him, searching for.. some feeling to occur. And then he'd question why, why, why.
Why can't he enjoy anything? Why does he want to feel enjoyment? Why can't he just do something and be happy? Why can't he just do nothing and be fine? Why does he need to exist? Why does he want to move? Why does he want, but can never have, can never get by himself?
If there's nothing he can do, then what is he waiting for?
Vague memories would become clearer with introspection, until he would feel something, finally. An old guilt aching from deep inside his bones. A haunting self hatred, ripping away whatever minuscule strength his limbs had to try anything fun. A sense of iron resignation blanketing and anchoring his body, reminding him that it's much too late to try getting up now. Ironically, apathy got him up in the morning, as much as it keeps him from enjoying anything enough to stay up.
He was always a little too thin, but he used to force himself to do things like eat and work enough to survive. Mostly because to sleep means to not have headaches, and to not have headaches means to eat well enough, and to eat well enough means to have food, and to have food means to have money from a job.
But it's not as if he was all too desperate to sleep, anyway. His dreams have stayed the same for years. They're more eventful and colorful than bland reality, but it's a mix of the same thing every day. Staring at the swirling kaleidoscope of his dreams is exactly like observing the same beige ceiling for hours on end, until it all mixes together into the same shade of empty grey.
It probably doesn't help Sunny's mood that he thinks dramatic things like the previous point, just to pass time.
He only got worse once he was forced to move into one of those really bad apartments. You know the ones, with the rusted metal stairs nobody wants to risk their life on, and practically no privacy with four-to-five thin-walled neighboring rooms, and bad heating in one corner of the apartment. But it was cheap. Too bad he had to go up and down the stairs all the time.
He didn't have a problem with them when he just moved in. Generally, the most he notices is starting at the top, teleporting to the bottom, and a slight shaking of his hands that he barely glances at with empty curiosity.
As it is, some part of him knew this was going to happen. That he'd have one of those terribly introspective weeks, when he just so happens to have his new job with a boss ready to fire him and his sullen face and poor (somehow complete neutrality is offensive) attitude. He's emotionally vulnerable, and the memories on top of the stairs are devastating.
A week goes by. He's fired. He doesn't look for another job. He hasn't gone for groceries in a while. He's exhausted.
He was waiting for death, he guesses. He still wants, still feels that urge in the buzzing of his fingertips, the ghost of movement from his limbs, the phantom shiver in his back - the intent of every muscle in his body one after the other pleading with him to move, but never all at once - and Sunny laments that the human body is pretty stupid. Moving wont help. What would he do, make the end come quicker? He's already thrown away too many chances for that.
He'll stop wanting once he's gone. That's what happens when you get what you want, right?
His landlord finds him. He forgot the rent. He's taken to the hospital. Ugh.
Present:
Sunny is stunted and underweight. He wears baggy shirts stuffed into slightly less baggy hoodies, and sweats. Warmth. He couldn't find his hoodie after they took it off to put in an IV on his first trip to the hospital.
Usually nurses do things like bring food to patients, but Sunny only ever interacts with Hero and Hero wants to make sure Sunny is okay anyway. Not that it's much easier for Hero to encourage Sunny to eat.
Sunny stresses Hero the hell out. But Hero kinda missed Sunny, and his depressing and concerning reappearance brings with it a deadpan, world-weary, often childish humor that fails to take anything seriously when everything in Sunny's situation should be taken seriously. It's as much a relief as it is incredibly frustrating. Some days Hero loves it. Some days it makes him angry. Some days it makes him want to cry.
I tried doing research into the conduct Hero should display regarding patients/clients in general but it just. Any professionalism quickly devolves between him and Sunny.
As in, at one point, him and Sunny were whaling on each other about having no lives. Hero felt really bad afterwards; he had no idea what came over him. It was a great way for both of them to let out some hidden frustration, though, and they turned out fine afterwards. They even lowkey pick on each other every now and again.
Sometimes one or the other gets a bit too accurate in their teasing, however.
Psychiatrists are supposed to be able to understand, diagnose, and treat mental, emotional and behavioral disorders. So, if Hero were a completely capable psychiatrist, which he is, he wouldn't break down in front of his client. But Hero's late teenage years are wrought with so much grief and trauma, so to see Sunny and not just another client in this state is.. something i imagine he'd break down about eventually. There's also the fact that Sunny is mostly closed off to any help, which only makes things harder.
Hero is trying his best, but after years of never understanding why Mari died, years of thinking and wondering and second-guessing himself, years of guilt after never visiting Basil before he died, years of doing what he was told was "best" yet failing in what's most important to him (his friends) - his best never feels good enough around Sunny. It feels too little, too late. For this reason, and possibly because even if Hero were able to keep himself together he may just not be the right psychiatrist for Sunny, it would be better for him to find another psychiatrist for Sunny. He won't, though.
Hero really needs some time to himself to just think, or perhaps he needs someone else to talk to. Kel is nice, but Aubrey would have better experience handling emotions.
I have a very limited idea of what Aubrey and Kel are doing. Aubrey is a childcare instructor to parents and works in child services. She has studied child psychology. She has studied how childhood affects adulthood. Kel's off trying to make a name in basketball while giving kids high fives and heartfelt support.
Hero, in fact, does not like to be called Dr. Hero, but his shyness (feeling of unworthiness) about it only endears everyone to call him that more. He tells the kids that everyone calls him Hero, but the adults merely find out from the other doctors and nurses. Hero tried introducing himself as Henry to the other doctors, but Kel told them his nickname, and it stuck for obvious reasons.
Sometimes, on days when Hero has to wear his lab coat, he ties it around his neck like a cape. The kids like it, say it makes him look like a superHero.
Hero doesn't really cook. His schedule is always too busy to make anything that isn't quick. But he does eventually figure out that cooking for Sunny is the best way to entice him to eat, so when he makes something, he makes enough for both of them. They eat together.
Hero had to gather Sunny's change of clothes from his apartment when he found out that the reason Sunny has been in the same clothes for the last week is because he's had no one to visit him. Not even his mother. Why?
#worked on this for a hot minute#as in many days#but im still very uncertain of my portrayal of Hero as an afflicted psychiatrist and Sunny as (almost) Absolutely Fucking Apathetic#i did research! i read about stories like this! I love to understand! i am Afraid to write.#yes Hero is wearing shoes that are 100% professional#spoilers#tw suicide attempt#pretty much#tw depression#tw apathy#watch me take the bullet point headcanon format from sunnysviolin#ive decided not to hide anything to reveal later#this is just a side thing for me#uwu#omori#omori game#text#headcanon#au#omori au#psychiatrist dr hero#adult hikikomori sunny#art#my art#fanart#kitscribbles
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hold you ‘til the morning comes
1.6k || ao3
Carlos has known nothing but fear since he first got the report that a firefighter had died in the line of duty. After hours of wondering, here TK was: very much alive, but far from okay. But Carlos is not going to let him suffer alone.
Inspired by the scene in the promo of Carlos comforting TK
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Carlos Reyes Week Day 7: Anything goes
This idea came to me while I was watching the promo and @officereyes, being the wonderful enabler she is, encouraged me to write it. I carefully avoided any mention of who dies so I could be right either way, but I have my theories. Anyways, enjoy some Carlos introspection as he worries about TK 💕
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When Carlos and Mya returned to the precinct, there was a tension hanging in the air.
At first, he ignores it, choosing instead to focus on the path to his desk and the prospect of sitting down. A volcano erupting in the center of the city had left everyone a little crazier than usual, and after a full shift on patrol, he wanted nothing more than to collapse at his desk and bury himself in paperwork for the remaining hour.
But as he and Mya headed to their adjoined desks, he could feel eyes on him.
“Am I imagining things, or are people staring?” he asked his partner under his breath.
Mya looked around and frowned. She paused in front of the desk diagonal to their own and stared down at its occupant, “What the hell is going on, Johnson?
Johnson, a young, quiet officer nearly jumped out of his skin at the mere prospect of being directly addressed by Mya. He swallowed nervously, glancing around the room before he responded as if hoping someone else would step in and save him. When no takers arose he swallowed again before speaking, “A report just came in. It...said that a firefighter died.”
Carlos froze mid stride, a cold dread seeping through his chest. He turned and faced Johnson, catching the worried gaze of his partner as he turned. He kept his voice as calm and steady as possible as he asked the question he desperately needed to know, “did it say which station?”
Johnson shook his head frantically, nearly vibrating out of his seat with anxiety in the weight of Carlos’s gaze, “no, sir.”
He felt Mya’s hand, warm and steady on his arm as she leaned closer, “there’s no saying it’s him, Carlos.”
He nodded, jaw tight, but didn’t voice what he was thinking: but there’s no saying it isn’t either.
Somehow his feet find their way to his desk where he sits, hyper aware of all the surreptitious glances thrown his way. It wasn’t just that it could be TK. It was that it could be Mateo or Judd, Paul or Marjan. It could be Owen, for all he knew. It could be any number of the members of the little family they had built for themselves in the midst of all the chaos and uncertainty, and Carlos didn’t want to lose any of them.
But it could be TK, and Carlos didn’t know how he was supposed to live with that.
The room was quiet and Carlos could feel more than one pair of eyes on him. He did his best to ignore them. He didn’t need their pity, and he had more than enough fear all on his own. He couldn’t really blame them though; in the months that he and TK had been together, his boyfriend had become known around the station. At first by virtue of being a fellow first responder himself, then later because he would stop by on days he was off to meet Carlos for lunch, or just to say hi. TK got on well with his coworkers, so he understood the heightened fear. They weren’t just worried for Carlos’s boyfriend, they were worried for their friend.
He ignored the whispers and Mya’s concerned gaze and pulled out his phone, hands trembling ever so slightly as he accessed his recent calls. He tapped on TK’s name and waited, each ring another spike of fear being driven into his soul. All too soon the automated voice of the voicemail sounded and Carlos ended the call, placing the phone on his desk without a word or a comment to anyone.
Not answering didn’t mean anything. TK often didn’t answer when he was on shift: it was hard to answer your phone when you’re scaling a building or doing whatever else the day might require.
Or that’s what Carlos told himself, at least.
He turned back to his paperwork, trying to bury himself in the routine, resisting the urge to check his phone every other second. The minutes tick by and soon his shift is over, but he can’t bring himself to leave. If he leaves and goes home to his empty condo, he might actually go crazy. So instead he stays, willing to trade off the unpaid overtime for the comforting monotony of paperwork.
At some point, he realizes that the desk in front of him is still occupied too. He looks up to find his partner sitting resolutely at her desk, shuffling through her own paperwork.
“Mya,” he began but she shook her head, effectively interrupting him.
“I go home when you go home,” she declared firmly. “I’m going to be here for you no matter what, so just get over it.”
Despite everything, he had to smile. “Okay,” he agreed, knowing when to admit defeat. He turned back to his paperwork, but not before checking his phone one more time. There were still no new messages, and he tried to ignore just how much further his heart sank each time.
He had just turned back to his paperwork when the sound of loud voices outside the room filter to his desk.
“They’re saying that fireman just ate it,” someone was saying, “he was dead before they could even get to him.”
Eyes all over the room turned to Carlos, some more subtly than others, and clenched his jaw, determined to keep his expression neutral.
“Carlos,” Mya began, already halfway out of her seat with the likely goal of telling whoever was talking to kindly shut the fuck up, but he shook his head.
“It’s fine Mya, I’m just going to step outside and try calling him again.”
She nodded and gave him a tight smile as he grabbed his phone and headed towards the back door. He opened it and stepped out onto the stairs, taking a deep breath of the crisp night air. It doesn’t fortify him as it usually does, but there is only one thing in the world that could make him feel better tonight.
The fear that he has been burying inside his chest all night is ready to burst but he pushes it down one more time. There’s still no saying it’s him, there’s still no saying that he has anything to fear at all. He pulls out his phone with shaking hands, ready to try again and already dreading the sound of his voicemail. He’s just about to dial when he sees someone at the bottom of the staircase. He frowns, pocketing his phone. This isn’t the public entrance to the precinct. Most people didn’t even know it existed. He was about to call down, to see what the strange figure wanted when they stepped into the yellow light of the floodlight and their features came into focus and suddenly Carlos couldn’t breathe.
He took the stairs two at a time, rushing down to TK, because it was TK. He was here, he was standing, and he was alive. He might just be the most beautiful thing Carlos had ever seen.
He called TK’s name as he rushed down and when his boyfriend looked up at him Carlos was struck by the sadness in his eyes even from a distance.
He slowed as he approached, taking in his appearance. He seemed to be unhurt, as far as Carlos could tell, but he looked smaller than Carlos had ever seen him.
He stopped short of pulling TK into his arms, though he wants to so desperately. He studies him up close first, before speaking, “There were reports saying a firefighter had died and you weren’t answering your phone. I...” he trailed off, not sure how to explain what he had spent the past few hours feeling and not wanting to burden TK any more with his own feelings when the other man was clearly drowning in the weight of his own.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.”
TK’s voice is too small and Carlos’s heart aches, “It’s fine,” he assures him, “I’m just happy you’re safe.”
He wants to ask what happened, he wants to ask all the questions echoing through his mind but TK is shaking and Carlos feels fear start to climb up his spine again, “Are you hurt?”
“No,” TK assures him, “I’m not hurt. I’m okay.”
As they stand on the stairwell and look at each other Carlos reflects that in all their time together, that might just be the biggest lie TK has ever told him. He steps forward, hesitantly at first but when TK makes no move to stop him he pulls him into his arms, sheltering his shaking body with his own. He can feel TK’s body sag into his, losing some of the tension. It’s only a moment before he can feel his shoulder getting wet as TK’s body quakes with silent sobs. He pulls them down so they are sitting on the stairs and gently rests his chin on the top of TK’s head, running a hand in soothing circles on his back.
His boyfriend is safe and he is beyond grateful. He wants to bask in the feeling of TK in his arms and the knowledge that he is safe, that he hadn’t lost him, but it feels selfish in the face of TK’s grief. He had lost someone today, and though Carlos doesn’t know the details, he understands. Whether or not it was someone from his station, whether or not it was someone from his team, the loss of any firefighter could feel like the loss of a family member. It could also serve as a reminder of what he stood to lose every day; that when the ones closest to you are the ones running into the fire beside you, there is so much more to risk.
Carlos would ask those questions later, he would help him through it, whatever it was. For now, they would just sit here, curled together in the stairway, savoring the warmth and existence of each other.
Everything else could wait, for now.
#911 lone star#911 lone star fic#carlos reyes#tk strand#tarlos#911ls season 2#my writing#carlosreyesweek2021#userkimmy#userac#usermaximus#userjilly#tuserpaige#tuserjamie#jazzyjezz#aanathema
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