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servin-up-surveys · 2 years

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survey #020

(so i have barely been conscious today and I am too tired to even try to think of lyrics to put here so fuck it, this is from waaaay earlier this morning)

What is a topic you are uncomfortable with discussing with most people? My writing/RP, 120%. You are fucking LUCKY if you know about that shit. The people who know about it probably barely surpasses being able to count on one hand, if you count my past therapists. What is something you dislike about the dating world? I mean to be totally real, I don't have a lot of experience with it. I've never really dated around; I've only had three even remotely serious partners, and I had a long history with two; the other was, I will always say, like magic with how quick we connected and fell for each other. I felt very strongly for all of them, and each relationship was different. Jason and Sara failed for unique reasons, so it's really impossible to bunch them together into a shared lesson I learned from them or something. Is there a habit you’re currently trying to kick? ACTUALLY I literally decided today (or maybe yesterday?) that I want to stop peeling/picking at my nails. It's just not pretty to look at and I will do almost anything to boost my self esteem rn ok Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you? No. Well I mean, not that I KNOW of. I've only gotten sexual with two partners. Has anyone ever been extremely jealous of you? Do you know why? I almost laughed, and then I remembered well actually, yes. Before Jason, Juan was very openly trying to date me, and his ex (I... think????? what the hell was their relationship???? fuck buddies????? bro idk) Rachel knew and was NOT fucking happy and basically harrassed me. I am FULL aware she friended me on FB to watch if anything happened between Juan and me, and boy when that relationship status changed to "taken" (for less than a day), she was on my ASS. Literally snatched my arm in the lunch room to claim she and Juan had ~gotten busy~ like two days prior or whatever, maybe even the night before. I later learned (from her) that she'd nearly punched me in the face. SO I broke up with Juan because of a mix of believing her (I absolutely do not now, in retrospect), knowing he had a rep, but also because I was NOT getting into that shit. THEN Jason comes along, and guess who I discover his serious ex was while on our first date outside Sonic? Rachel. BOY LET ME TELL YOU it was the biggest "are you actually fucking serious" moment of my LIFE like I went FULL SILENT and had to take a minute lmfao, and then Rachel hated me times like ten because she and Jason had remained friends on social media until our relationship became posted there and she had shit to say and Jason was hearing none of it. Fast-forward to now. Rachel is a FB friend again and she's been happily with my old school bud for many years and are engaged. Hell, I'd go eagerly to her damn wedding if I was invited. People. Change. She is great and I love seeing her post life update stuff. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. What is the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given? Honestly, probably mine and Jason's first anniversary gift: a hand-made book of pictures and such of us and well over a hundred (maybe even 200+, idr how far I got) reasons I loved him. I worked very, very hard on it for a long time and even after what happened between us, I hope he has it to remember. If memories of me make him happy at all. Which I would understand if they didn't. What was the angriest your parents ever were at you? I don't know about my dad, but two instances come to mind for Mom: when I briefly ran away from home as a kid or when I texted her back "fuck you" for being extremely insensitive. That ride home was NOT FUN. It might actually be the fight where she tried kicking me out of the car, I can't remember. Do you feel as though someone "won" in your last break-up? No; I don't believe either "lost," either, though. We just simply weren't good for each other romantically. What ever happened to the first person you ever loved? I don't know. It's a painful and scary thing to not know, but I will say it again and again and again: it's better we don't have contact. I mean I THINK Jason's brother or brother's wife is on Mom's Facebook (it's how she learned about his mom) so she'd probably learn if something truly horrible happened to Jason, but. What is the biggest difference between you and your best friend? Girt is WAY more hardworking and determined than I am. That man will bash his head against a fuckin wall til it gave way. What is something most people are turned on by but you’re not? Porn. Like I just DO NOT wanna see two random people get busy. Has anyone in your life changed drastically (for better or worse) since you met them? How? My dad, for one. Rachel, from earlier. Myself. I don't feel like explaining. Is there anything you wish you had done with a current/previous significant other? Uh, sometimes I wish I hadn't been abstinent and fully "known" Jason for lack of not knowing how to put it BUT when I consider the realism of just how fucking head over heels as well as just stupid I was, I would NOT be surprised if I had winded up a teen mom, because I was also pro-life then. THAT woulda been a goddamn hellfest. What song reminds you of good times from high school? Don't even try to convince me otherwise, "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R is THE High School Vibe. Like the lyrics aren't very positive but idc man it makes me Remember and feel old. Do you own any jewelry made out of shells? No. Have you ever made your own website? Multiple times. Do you like men who have a sensitive side? I personally do. Have you talked to your special someone today? Yeah, we talk every day. Have you ever tried to get someone into a certain band/artist? Yeah, and it worked. *finger guns* Have you ever carved you and someone else's initials into a tree? I have not. Do you like Dairy Queen? Yep. Have you ever used glitter as one of your makeup items? Oh yes, silver glitter was literally The Thing that was dabbed onto your eyelids for dance recitals, lol. Have you ever owned what would be considered a "farm animal?" No. Does listening to music while you work help you? It very much depends on what I'm doing. Are you normally the one who initiates a kiss? Eh, it can really go either way. FIRST kiss, I dunno. For like Girt and me where it's very normal I'd say he prooobably does it more, but there's definitely not a strong leaning. Is there a song in a different language that you can sing? Well, probably. I know I can kinda sing SOME parts of Rammstein's songs okay, but factually, no matter how long I studied it and have heard it over the years, I *speak* it so rarely that I'm DEFINITELY not experienced with SINGING it. I've also noticed that I overthink the FUCK outta German pronunciations and then butcher it when I try, lmao. What was the most expensive thing someone bought you? That would either be Jason buying me a really nice gaming laptop or probably some other electronic device from my parents, idk. Do you have any currency that’s not your native country’s? No. Have you ever tried to write something humorous on a test for bonus points? No. How do you feel about bands that use pyrotechnics in live concerts? WHALE insane pyrotechnics are literally's Rammstein's Thing so I have to be in wild support, lol. But for real, be careful w/ that shit. Don't James Hetfield yourself. The person who last spoke to you in person, what is their name? Donna. The person who last texted you, tell me their name? His real name is Donald. What was your favorite class to take in school? Of all classes I've ever taken at any education level, Art and German. Would you ever consider joining the Navy? Even if I didn't have mental health issues that stop me from being accepted in any military branch, I wouldn't. Have you seen the movie Inception? I haven't. Have you ever dated someone with red hair? No. Do you know the first word you spoke as a child? Yes, "Dada." The last person you kissed, have you held their hand? Yeah, a lot. I love holding his because he has Big Man Hands and mine are all small and dainty and it is Best Feeling. Are you any good at video games? Well, I was. I don't play them NEARLY enough now to have the same kind of quick reflexes and everything. Has an ex ever liked you when you were long over them? I mean, I suppose it's possible, but not that I know of. Fred - annoying or funny? OH MY GOD I forgot about that mfer. I liked him. I know. My little sister and I watched him. Oh god. Have you ever ordered something from a different country? Yes. Do you own any Tupac albums? Honestly, I can't even name one of his songs, so... Who last grabbed your butt? WOW I actually don't know the last time that did happen. An old friend and I used to spank each other all the time in just a purely playful way, but she never actually *grabbed* me, THEN it woulda been weird. HOW DO I NOT REMEMBER IF MY CURRENT PARTNER HAS DONE THIS????? bro this body ain't 26, my knees and brain say other shit. Do you sleep in a bra? HAIL no please don't do this to urself Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. What are you listening to at this moment? "Blood, Milk And Sky" by White Zombie. Who was the last person in your bedroom, besides you? My mom. Are you friends with someone who’s autistic? I am CERTAIN there are more people than just her that I'm just not aware of, but my niece is autistic and she is certainly my friend. <3 Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other? Nah, we actually don't watch movies much. We watch TV shows a lot together, though. Who was the last person to call you fat, if anyone at all? Well, me. Besides me, no one else that I recall has ever directly called me that except some mean kids when *I* was a kid (a swing broke while I was on it and apparently that only happens when you're fat and not because the playset is old and well-loved). Doctors have made me aware that I am and all, but not by calling me that, you know? What color skin does the last person you danced with have? She's Caucasian, pale. Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at night time? Well, that's one reason. I just don't trust people. The best field trip you’ve ever been on; where was it to anyway? So two are tied, tbh. I'll go with the one that happened first, 4th grade: a trip to Beaufort, NC, to the island there that is full of wild horses. Yes, seriously. And we almost didn't go; it was actually the back-up plan to go to that island instead of one I can't remember with a lighthouse. The ocean was very aggressive that day with a storm, and the site of the lighthouse was simply too dangerous to get to by the boat, so plans changed to go to the horse one, which was closer. It is amazing how immaculate my memory is of that place, primarily the back side of it where I wandered around the beach collecting sea shells. The ocean was fuck-ing BEAUTIFUL with the fierce waves and the stormy sky and just oh my god I would kill to go again. The very next school year is funnily enough the one that ties it: a trip to the Asheboro Zoo. This one is simpler to explain with that I simply love (good) zoos and it is so far the only occasion in my entire life I saw meerkats (they got rid of them for some reason I don't recall). I spent my ENTIRE disposable camera shots on these fuckers lmfao. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? HA a bitch wanted to be an electric guitarist, but never to a very serious degree. When did you last spend the night at someone’s house? Uhhhhh... wow, have I done that since going to Sara's???? I don't think I have. Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? Oh my GOD okay we're not friends anymore of course but Colleen's father-in-law gave me the CREEPIEST motherfuckin vibes and I do not miss seeing him. Do you like pickles? I love pickles. Which two bands would you love to see playing on tour together? Ozzy and Metallica. Mom and I wouldn't make it out of that concert alive. Do you watch The Walking Dead? No, but I have avidly watched let's plays of every season of the game, and I played S1 myself as well. That game makes me CRYYYYYYYYYY buddy like I think every season got me, the first one of course more than any other. Would you want your child to go to the school you are going/went to? If I had kids, I would 100% want them to go to my elementary school because they were fan-fucking-tastic and very loved, but I'm not overly attached to any other schools I attended. Hell, quite frankly, I probably WOULDN'T want them to go to my high school because I wouldn't want to go there for anything. Though I guess it would be pretty fuckin cute for my kid to walk down the same halls that their dad and I talked in and stuff. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW but imagine them sitting at the same lunch table seats Girt and I first talked at SCREAMS When is the last time you slow danced with someone? <3 ugh Do you have a celebrity crush? GOD I have fucking three serious ones, please extract my heart from this wretched body Do you think corset piercings are disgusting!? Now look I LOVE piercings and all, but those gross me out and seem extremely dangerous. Your body, get whatever the hell sorta piercing you want, but you sure won't see me with those.

#survey #surveys #random surveys #random questions

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acloudkat · 3 years

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Gossip Girl 2.0

So. . . I was unsure of whether I was going to talk about this or not but… in the end, here we are!

I shall be talking about the Gossip Girl Reboot.

Now quick disclaimer and mild *excuse you* to HBO, please find ways to make your content accessible to Europe because there are those of us that are interested and unfortunately your "Max" service is US only and honestly i see no reasonable logic behind it. Therefore my means of getting access to this content shall not be discussed.

Extra disclaimer, there will be spoilers. Doi.

Now I am a big die hard fan of the original GG series and despite the outdated (to today’s standards) comparisons and slang, some of the topics hold up even today. For anyone curious or questioning my opinion, based on my generation, I am mildly in the middle as a Zelenial at 23. I did not grow up with GG, I learned about it when I was 14 but watched it for the first time when I was 19. Since, I have watched it up to 14-17 times; more than 10 for sure. So you can do with that as you please. The main reason I mention this is due to some articles and comments pointing out that maybe it’s a “Gen Z only media” or that “Millennials are just bitter cause it’s not theirs”. Keeping that in mind I will be as per usual showing the ups and downs of the show (so far and later on) from my own personal perspective.

After watching ep 1. (& now 2 which will be in a separate post after this) I have a few questions, comments AND concerns. So let’s get into those shall we :)

So let's do a little round up of our characters.

We have newcomer Zoya Lott that is moving to NYC on a Constance scholarship! But little did anyone in the show know, it was all a plot to get to be with her *half sister*. WHAT?! So the tldl on that is that Zoya and our other main character, Julien Calloway, share a mom! Mom, that i quote "left Julien's dad for Zoya's dad and the dads hate each other" because of which hate, they had absolutely forbidden their daughters from communicating. One thing led to another, a friend request was sent and this is basically the parent trap. . . . but for the kids. . .and they're aware of it cause they made it. . . I suppose? The parents haven't really been mentioned to matter in their plan, however, they do keep bringing up their middle names as "Zoya Jane and Julien Elizabeth" as clues left by their mother? Now some rumours around the web have connected the names to the Pride and Prejudice novels and while that would be extremely Gossip Girl-esque to do, and I am entirely up for that, hell yea!!! I'm wondering if it's as simple as... their mother's name was Elizabeth Jane... but maybe GG will be the one to discover that secret first? Other than that, Zoya is very much a very trusting "innocent type" character that probably has more past than we know about so it will be quite interesting to see how that elaborates going further into the series.

Then there is self-made influencer Julien Calloway. She is the new version of queen at Constance but as stated, they "don't do the patriarchy anymore". While she appears all smiles and kindness, personally i feel as if JC is kind of fake? She has things she cares about yes, but the moment someone or something interferes with her followers and her social standing or Obie (more on him later)

"the gloves come off and the claws come out" - Serena Van der Woodsen

When it comes to Julien I am honestly more curious to see who she is once you take away the followers and the media. Will she be an actual person or just a shallow obsessed spoiled brat? I just hope it won't be the typical story of "have to be perfect and have to have everyone like me because my mom left" ie. has mommy issues. That is how that cliche goes after all. So I am greatly hoping that's not going to be it for this one.

Obie Bergmann! We get introduced to Obie as Julien's boyfriend. Throughout ep 1, the things we learn about Obie are that he is basically the richest in the group, and lives in Dumbo. (irony from original GG for anyone that can guess it). He appears like a super nice and kind dude, a supportive boyfriend, kind of bland and tired of the relationship but the main thing that bothers me about him so far is his impossible to ignore "white guilt syndrome". For anyone unaware, "white guilt" is "remorse or shame felt by a white person with respect to racial inequality and injustice". While it's not a bad thing trying to make up for the in-equality in the world, here's hoping that's not his entire character cus that would get old quick.

Then we have the bestie, Audrey Hope. Audrey. . . is cold but to the point. Very analysing and observing. Definitely the type of character that would take all the info first and decide what to do after. I both like and am confused by her? Her cold mannerisms are quite enjoyable among the masses of drama and emotion I won't lie. However, i do predict a juicy threesome between her, boyfriend Aki and one Max Wolfe. Honestly, I am highly interested in how their relationship evolves.

Aki Menzies is kind of a mystery as of the moment. As to be expected with just 1 episode, we won't know too much about all the characters. He is the very supportive boyfriend that tries to keep the peace between everyone.

Max Wolfe on the other hand appears like the much more flamboyant version of Chuck Bass, if Chuck Bass had a supportive family environment and no limits on who he's dating. That's more or less for him but kuddos for his 0 hesitation to basically have a pic of his dick sent to everyone. I will never not find that hilarious. But again, between these three is my prediction for some juicy interactions. Cause to be fully honest, the chemistry is undeniable.

Monet de Haan. Ah. She is honestly the savage that we need around here. She is the control and the power behind Julien's brand honestly. I am curious how come she helps Julien with her brand rather than have her own? If we go off anything said in the episode, she is more feared than adored so maybe that's why? But Monet honey, fear can also have a following, just . . a different one.

And then there's Luna La, "The stylist" while we don't know much about her, some of her one liners are actively giving me life. Her and Monet are definitely a package deal and i wonder if there is juicier gossip there that we don't know yet.

Lastly, we have our new Gossip Girl. Young teacher, Kate Keller. I won't lie, i did not see us knowing who GG is from the get go. I am however wondering whether this will drag her down to the level of highschoolers (besides the fact that she looks younger than some of them xD) Something that is bothering me in the reboot however, is that technically, characters that represent adults, spying on minors??? Like they even make the point that "i shouldn't have these, i should be in jail" in regards to having almost naked pictures of the kids. Like it's not really okay??? In the original yea no one knew who GG was but they always knew it was someone their age. The teachers didn't care at those times. But they do now and I am not fully sure how okay it is.

And of course, the extras like some of the other teachers behind GG and the parents. We however, don't know too much about them as of now so we shall see soon. If any new characters are introduced they will be addressed but for now, onto the episode!

The half sisters plot is definitely interesting so I would love to know where the whole middle names thing will go. The story line I'm most interested in at the moment however is between Audrey, Max and Aki. I want to see that unwind into something horrendous but then beautiful! It has so much potential in my opinion. In terms of character development however i want to see who Julien is without all of her fame and followers. When the focus is not the media and the attention. I want to see that Julien.

The first episode definitely introduced us to a lot of things at once so far that is my take on them. I'm sure that in the future both the teachers and parents will be a bigger part but one thing is abundantly clear. Unlike the OGGG, there won't be more than maybe 2-3 seasons depending on the ages of the students. The teachers won't follow them onto college will they? Or will things drastically change along the way? It was rather amusing seeing them talk about all the old characters however, and reference the OG Gossip Girl. I am vaguely offended that they categorised twitter as "a glorified chatroom for memes for people over 30". Like dude. . . that hit me hard. I am happy that FB was never even mentioned as existing tho! Cause let's be honest that is not the "hip" thing anymore. But the rules they put down at the party definitely made my head spin. Had to listen to them twice to even get what was happening.

But that's probably enough of me babbling on about this xD If you want to find this on an apparently dying type of media, here's my blog post about it as well lol: https://acloudkat.wordpress.com/?p=960

#gossip girl reboot #gossip girl #reboot #series things

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lemonfezt · 4 years

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Thoughts for ep 14

This is a great kickstarter for the second course of the series.

I want to write my thoughts on each characters on this ep but the post would be too long so I'll just connect the dots

Okay, Yuki's backstory is starting to unfold. We could see the dark room and Haru visiting him. Him moving out of the Sohma house. His relationship with his mom. His yearning of being needed. I'm so happy that the reboot team have executed his scenes so beautifully. Once we get his full backstory, every clues from he previous episodes finally makes sense and im not ready for that. Also, I don't know how many more crying Yuki I have to endure before I go completely on my knees.

Kyo also introduced his arc in the second course as well. I'm glad that he got a little mopey after his date with Kagura which reminds me, I love Kagura's screentime and the way she said that when you finally had feelings for someone, it's too late while Kyo was looking at Tohru by the window. This implies to his situation so much. Especially during those final scenes in the manga wherein he stated that he didn't mean to fall in love. And how much he didn't think he deserved her coz of what he had done. While he has that mindset in tact, he just chose to be by her side till graduation since he's quite confident that nothing's gonna change between them.

Haru is just perfect! I know this is a Hatsuzu ep but he's such a great friend to Yuki!! Their relationship is one of my favorites in the series and the fact that it was Haru who fought for Yuki to get out of that house pierced me. He's honestly one of the best characters here in fb. Like my heart completely melted for him whenever he worries about Yuki and Rin. He even knows what's best for him like joining the student council and acknowledges his weaknesses and strengths. I also noticed how Haru in this ep explicitly bring the foreshadowing elements for the second course of the series.

Now to Rin. Oh my fucking god. I love Rin Sohma so much!! ❤ Seeing her and connecting some of those bits Yuki narrated about her brings me back to her backstory which I'm fucking excited to see it animated. I also noticed the way she held herself after her talk with Haru is similar to Kyo's during ep 10 of the first season. The parallels of each characters are always a treat in my eyes. And we can vividly see that scar on her back too which is yet to be revealed. 😍

Last is Tohru. My girl 💔. I recently answered an ask regarding her situation as "mild" compared to the others and I hope this ep would enlighten the op regarding her situation with her mother and how that terribly impacted her. Anyway, like the others, this is where Tohru's lid is more focused and it's one of my aniticipated arcs in the manga. Like whenever we get crumbs of her backstory, I'm just as hyped to see them all animated. I could finally hear that panic in her voice when she was having a panic attack and her vision blurring while saying, "Don't go,". Her lines in this ep introduces Tohru Honda and her abandonment issues and I cannot wait to cry with her esp how much she cried in the trailer. And that kyoru moment at the end got me. It's a great foreshadowing to what's about to come regarding her and kyo's relationship.

Overall, you can count how many times I said, "introduction" or "foreshadowing" in this coz it really is a the most perfect way to start their individual arcs.

One more thing. The OP AND ED ARE SO BEAUTIFUL ESP THE OP...They have a more soothing vibe to it but the symbolisms placed there are gold. I love the tone in there and the matching colors are too gorgeous to look at.

Next week is the parent-teacher conference!! STOKEDD TO SEE MAYU AGAIN. And Ayameeeeee ❤❤❤

#fruits basket #furuba #yuki sohma #kyo soha #ma #haru sohma #rin sohma #tohru honda

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ciceroisthefamilycat · 3 years

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The conclusion to the VA/BL reread with Silver Shadows and Ruby Circle (here’s the post on FH, here’s the post on the VA closers SB and LS)

I think I forgot to emphasize this in the last post: it is bullshit that Adrian still had the Alchemist-paid-for apartment after the events of “TFH” and only becomes more unbelievable that Trey has it still in “SS”... I do not get it

Like with SB and LS, I would make a lot of plot changes in the adaptation.

Silver Shadows

Fun fact: her golden lily on this book cover actually flashes a little gold in the right lighting, and I love that

This one, especially the majority of Sydney’s stuff in the first half or so of the book, was much better than I remembered.

Adrian’s stuff had me far less forgiving. I realize he’s struggling with a fictionalized elevated form of bipolar disorder and he developed addictions in trying to self-medicate over most of his adolescence/early adulthood so far, but as far as his actions go... the part where he blackouts for something like three weeks while in Sydney’s chapters she’s so certain he’s going to rescue her... it really frustrates me. Especially because Richelle writes him as self-flagellating over it, but Sydney immediately reassures him “oh, no, I just got the gas turned off, you couldn’t have really done anything...” as if those three or so days weren’t a big deal with the way the time crunch worked out later... it’s one of those heavy-handed things where I don’t feel like Richelle ever actually makes Adrian own up to his errors in the same way the rest of the main characters have to. Including: Wesley Drozdov and his motley crew show up again, and Adrian plays big hero and outs their dabbling attempt on Sydney, and then with Keith later on thinks to himself “at least I’d taken no for an answer from girls” as if he hadn’t insistently pursued both Rose and Sydney (including the scene at Alicia’s Victorian inn in IS) and been revealed to have dabbled at least once. Like, good that he’s trying to make up for past behavior, but again and again it comes off to me as glib or insincere (in the way it’s written- that he’s some model that is exempt from causing harm). This especially pisses me off in the way he treats his mom for sticking in a loveless marriage to his dad (did Adrian forget about his mom’s affair with Ambrose btw?) for financial security, and even with the hypocrisy being pointed out to him and him begrudgingly admitting it in his mind, or he drags Nina to Sonya’s to try and get her compensated for her work and she’s all googly eyes at him, but his acts of chivalry feel empty. And this extends to Marcus, too, to a lesser extent. Look, I love Carly (all the Sage sisters mean the world to me) and I’m glad that she became an advocate for fellow survivors and I get what Richelle was trying to do in empowering survivors with Carly’s character, but Marcus’ star-struck admiration of her (being made speechless by her strength) felt weird and make me uncomfortable.

On to Sydney’s stuff, holy hell her side of the story is dark. And this conversion therapy nonsense in it is part of why I desperately want canon queer leads in the adaptation (preferably Sydney herself, which would yes mean Adrian and probably Rose... that’s my prerogative). Is that potentially triggering? YES. But Richelle took that step when she laid it on so thick with the allegory. In the meantime, I love the supporting characters that Richelle drew up to be in the center with Sydney. Emma, Duncan, and the rest (the fellow detainees- not Sheridan... she can burn) and I want more of them (seriously, Richelle made some great underexplored groups with the Unpromised, the Keepers, the Merry Men, and then these additional Rebelchemists). There is a weird mention of Sydney having arranged some supply closets on one of the floors, despite whatever scene she did that in seemingly having been cut (there was also a line Rose ascribed to Victor at the end of Last Sacrifice about sending Jill away, so it’s not unheard of). When I first read the book (with a long break before), the degree to which Sydney was using magic in there felt illogical, but rereading directly from the other books, it is more justifiable. I think the Detainment, and Sydney’s struggles there, is some of the best writing Richelle managed in the books, and I don’t have any changes to that part.

But the escape... is actively worse than I remember it. There are glimmers of some great stuff in there- I mentioned in the last post how much I love when Sydney wakes up Hopper and sobs over him, and that still is powerful. But omfg Sydney (and Adrian) hold up the stupid stick so many times in these chapters. To be clear, first-off: Adrian should have gotten blood before they ever went into the desert. In the worst case, he and Eddie (the night before the infiltration) should have gone off to the side and done a feeding (doesn’t have to be Eddie, since I imagine he actually has a bad reaction to them since FB, but it does have to be someone willing). Eddie would have enough time to recover, especially with adequate food. Setting that aside, the actual events of the escape work for me. So I guess it’s more the after. Sydney and Adrian should have driven straight to Las Vegas (if they wanted to stop in the other town and change clothes and switch cars that’s fine with me- I even like the senior citizen tour they were on; p.s. we never learn if the Ivashkinator was shipped back to Palm Springs or anything, which is very surprising to me). Their decision to stay in a hotel overnight, even as much as Sydney did deserve that kind of relaxation, was stupid beyond belief. I would have preferred they got to Vegas, were spotted by Alchemists but made it to the Witching Hour without issue, and then Adrian got them a room, and that was the point where Sydney relaxed and slept. Consolidate some of that. Let Sydney have her luxury bath, and a haircut from Adrian, and other stuff there. Let her mention to him that the first photo she saw of him was taken near there, and hey, did he know Rose had bought a car in Russia that Sydney loved. And when Adrian goes down to make some money to further their escape, that’s when he realizes they’re being watched- there are too many yellow and orange auras. Let them have a less exorbitant wedding than in the book- no ridiculous mermaid dress that Sydney can’t expect to move in and that is ridiculously expensive (she can still have a beautiful stunning white dress). Let her start with the blue sneakers. Let Adrian find a place to get the ring made, if that’s necessary (or just use the dang cufflinks as are for the time being and pin them to the fancy attire). And Jill sends the chopper directly to the Firenze for an “Italian” wedding. They can still have the showdown with Sheridan on the roof- just simplify everything.

And then when they get to Court- let Sydney do more of the talking. Let her (righteously) call out the conditions in the reconditioning- the torture because she showed empathy to Renee who couldn’t even eat on her own, the torture they inflicted on Emma to break her- she didn’t betray her own kind, the Alchemists are repeatedly betraying their own kind, pushing them into the darkness of an empty hole. Oh, and this necklace around her neck, that Sheridan took for her own before Sydney reclaimed it, the morning glories were painted by the man she loves. And she rejects the Alcehmists having any authority on her. She’s a witch of the Stelle coven; she’s Sydney Sage Ivaskhov damnit. And when her dad tells her that if she doesn’t come with them, these will be the last words she ever gets to say to him? She gets to ask him if he knew what happened to Carly, if he let it happen under his own roof because he wanted a son like Keith more than the daughters he was blessed with. I want Sydney arguing her case, having her real communion. I said the same for Rose and Spirit Bound, and Sydney deserves the same here.

p.s. there are a lot of structural parallels between this book and BP/early SB- Sydney’s reeducation being like Rose’s time in Novosibirsk, the Tasarov escape from SB (which Eddie directly mentions) immediately followed up with a Vegas trip

Ruby Circle

Dang it. Look, I no longer hate the idea of Sydney and Adrian raising a kid. Their ending in RC was a lot better built-up (and a lot less bitter for Sydney) than I thought the first time. But the road to get there...

I hate the Jill being kidnapped by Alicia part (and I don’t buy the Warriors working with her). Honestly, just let them deal with Alicia during the events of Fiery Heart (when next to nothing else is going on). Like, Adrian and Sydney come off really badly in my head for “causing” her kidnapping because of a personal vendetta against them, when they came there to protect her in the first place (I realize the actual fault was with Alicia, but the feeling stands). Also the pointless scavenger hunt leading them from Pennsylvania (so conveniently, even though Alicia would have had to go there to set her traps after abducting Jill in the first place?) a month after the fact to whatever castle (then to Michigan) then to Palm Springs and the infiltrating the Warriors mission... it’s all too much (also I refuse to believe Sydney cast those stinging demons... that’s so dangerous I can’t even). Given the introduction of the Stelle in FH, and the unnecessary Malachi stuff, it works better to do that all then anyways. (I still want Jackie involved somehow of course) Instead of sidelining Angeline at Amberwood, she should get to be involved in the hunt for Jill (same as Eddie was for Sydney).

In other parts... Wesley Drozdov was never a good character. I really didn’t need even a mention of him in this book. I also... don’t buy how stigmatized Adrian was for marrying Sydney. I can see it being a scandal, or a laughingstock, the source of snarky asides and derision, but Richelle never built it in VA or the earlier BL books to being as heinous as she then tried to make it (so that Adrian could feel suffocated by Court, just like Sydney). I would have been much more interested in trying to see Sydney blend in, and take a stand in the Moroi world (and seeing her try to ally with nonroyal Moroi, but that also still not going super smoothly because they don’t like being on the same level as a human), and maybe her trying out her magic with the Moroi fighters that Mia and Christian had formed (that beautiful, blessed little moment), and then if it integrating there didn’t work admitting that it just... wasn’t going to. Rather than not even trying.

I understand that Richelle was building up with Adrian’s fears of completely losing it with Nina, but she just got screwed over in both of these books. (We’re acknowledging that it was wrong of her to kiss him in SS when he wasn’t even conscious, and moving on). And then Olive got screwed. And Neil got screwed. I said before that I don’t mind Sydney and Adrian raising a kid. But I mind a whole heck of a lot that Richelle killed (essentially) Nina and Olive both (in bullshit, tragic ways) and then wrote Neil off so that Sydney and Adrian would have to raise a baby. Let Sydney be pregnant. Let her be recovering from the most traumatic event of her life, she and Adrian forewent protection on their hectic honeymoon/escape, she’s going to be a mom to a Dhamphir and wow that’s going to be weird for her... and meanwhile this allows her to get through to Olive. To promise Olive and Neil that Sonya and everyone else will not use their baby as a test tube. Nina can still go up to the brink (maybe she passes it and the spirit trio of Lissa, Sonya, and Adrian have to heal her), there can still be a Strigoi attack at the Refuge in northern Michigan, but ffs cut the crap treatment of those three to pass on a readymade kid to Sydrian. It is a trope that I loathe. I also dislike the “ohmigod” fangirl characterization of Mallory, and while the Rand stuff was better than I remembered (that is to say, he is terrible and everyone acknowledges that and no one makes light of it the way I misremembered), I could do without it (especially since I’d prefer that if they keep Dimitri and Adrian cousins, they addres it much earlier).

Honestly, I would do the following:

the start of the season for RC (which doesn’t match its name??) has Sydney and Adrian locked down at Court and they can’t help like they want to, so they try to adapt and do what they can there, including Adrian trying to get Nina to calm down; their friends from Palm Springs and Marcus team up altogether and get an infiltration squad with the Warriors of Light; Eddie gets to participate; they rescue Jill, and get some of the data on the Alchemist/ Warrior collaboration

the Moroi Court finally gets into action on the age and family laws in earnest; meanwhile, Sydney is helping carve out a niche for the rebel Alchemists to work with the Moroi, especially for Strigoi hunting groups like what Mia and Christian wanted to organize; Jill and Sydney are helping each other emotionally recover from their respective hostage ordeals; Sydney realizes she’s pregnant, which helps Adrian realize in a dream with Olive that she’s pregnant, and finally sees her location marker

it’s “rescuing” Olive time; Neil gets to go too- with his presence, things don’t all go to shit; there is a Strigoi attack in retaliation for the new hunting groups, but heroes persevere and protect the commune; the data on the Alchemist/Warrior collaboration, and the Rebelchemists work with the Moroi, gives the perfect leverage now to get the Rebelchemists their freedom and establish Sydrian’s future together

SO, after rereading Bloodlines

I dislike Sydrian less than I did, though I still think Adrian could be vastly improved if adapted as a woman

the second half gave Eddie more to do, but still not enough emotional focus on him

man Amberwood and its supporting characters disappeared; I get that Adrian isn’t likely to settle in California long term, but can I please get more resolution to those characters, whether it comes from more focus in IS, or a graduation ceremony or something?

Abe also disappeared which is strange

man, Sydrian have a lot of daddy issues. because their dads are both abusive jerks. but why oh why did Jared end up collaborating with the Warriors for tattoos? was it because of anger over ‘losing’ Sydney or just greed? I’m glad that Zoe and Sydney at least started to heal things, and that Zoe is ok where she is

we still never got answers on who restored Lee... Clarence only showed up for deus ex machina money and shelter and I guess blood (did Marcus ever get to speak to him again?)

minor grievance: Richelle described the Warrior recruits as being almost evenly distributed between men and women, with a slide toward men, before two pages later saying there were 30 potential guys and 13 potential ladies, and remembering that, oh, yeah, the Warriors didn’t really use women on the front line; I don’t want any of that subplot adapted I just... editing?

#DoBetterByOliveAndNinaAndNeil2030 (who gets to name their kid Declan?), #LetSydneyUseHerBeautifulBrain

#I'm a VA girl #long beneath the cut

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spnreactions · 4 years

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15x15: Gimme Shelter

Alright guys! It’s time!

Just a heads up, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, these posts usually come out later in the day, because even if I watch it live, I tend to do my reactions live, but then write up the full review later. In case you were wondering why the posts don’t usually come right away.

Anyways! Let’s get down to it!

Oof. Yep. We’re definitely on the serious track now, with a then like this.

Also, I didn’t say this before, but I really love the “then” and “now” openings for this season. It’s beautiful with the Impala like that. <3

Oof. Interesting flashback to Jack breaking out of the Ma’lak Box.

...ew. Maybe it doesn’t taste as gross as it looks, but it looks gross.

Jesus girls, chill.

Okay, I already like the pastor.

I’m watching live this week, and I’m in a FB group that’s commenting as we watch, and someone just pointed out that the pastor is Dr. Sexy MD!! Man I love when actors return like that.

Ope. Connor’s gonna die. Poor kid. He seemed nice.

...that teddy bear definitely wasn’t there when he was walking over before, but okay.

UMMMMM...TALKING TEDDY!

NO THANK YOU!!!

I HAVE A DOLL THING!!! NOT COOL!!!

Hmmm...gotta be honest, I’m not sure how I’m feeling about Cohen’s directing on this one. :/

It had a talking teddy bear. I bet it is.

Darkness. Nice pun.

“He’s not that funny.” XD XD

Dean you just want to go to Atlantic City whether Amara’s there or not don’t even deny it. XD

Cas’s confused face will always be one of the cutest things ever. <3

I love the way they’re all walking down the hallway together. It’s such a simple thing, but I like the way they’re positioned and everything. Point: Matt Cohen.

SCENE FROM THE PROMO!

Sure they can.

“She and I used to have a thing” DEAN!! XD XD

HIIIII JACK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Dude, let me tell you, I am so ready for some quality Cas and Jack content.

I love all the different reactions here. Dean is trying to get Cas and Jack out of the house, which Jack is super excited about, and Cas is very not into. XD

...wait, did they not tell him about Mrs. Butters? Or did they just not mention her name?

Cas looking at Sam like “help me out here” and Sam being like “sorry but no”. XD

Oh come on Cas. Look how excited Jack is! I love how enthusiastic he gets over every hunt. It’s adorable and I love him. (Yeah you’re gonna be hearing that a lot. XD)

Cas is like “you’re kidding me right?”

“Highway to Heaven” XD XD

THE SCENE!!

MY BABY IS SO EXCITED I LOVE HIS LITTLE SMILE AHHHH!!!!

No matter how Cas is against going to deal with something so small fry when they’re in the middle of something so huge, he will still smile affectionately at his son, because he loves him. <3 <3 <3

“Blue’s a good color on you.” XD XD <3 <3

“Agent Swift.” XD XD XD XD

“Agent Lovato.” I’M DEAD THESE TWO ARE THE BEST!!! XD XD XD XD

HE’S HOLDING HIS BADGE UPSIDE DOWN JUST LIKE CAS DID ON HIS FIRST HUNT I’M DEAD!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

A BABY YODA REFERENCE?! This show oh my god. XD XD XD

“I just graduated from CSI.” JACK OH MY GOD YOU ADORABLE LITTLE BEAN!!! XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Okay, I love watching Cas and Jack together, and I love watching them go on a hunt, but guys, could you at least TRY to be subtle? “Did you find tiny bags with chicken bones? Smell any sulfur? Feel cold?” Like, NO you two. XD XD

The cop lady is just like “what the heck is wrong with these two?”

Oh. “Liar” isn’t a seven deadly sin thing. Maybe I was wrong about that.

“For my stepson, Ronald.” JACK!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 I love him so much oh my god.

For someone who’s new to hunting, that was actually an awesome cover. <3 <3

Wait...speakers? Maybe it isn’t something supernatural after all?

“Almost demonic.” Okay so that was a little more subtle.

Okay Cohen, I take back what I said about your directing. That was a good shot of the stop sign.

I love the way Jack’s sitting in the back of the truck. <3 <3

Learning from Sam. <3 <3 <3

Cas, there is no such thing as too many cats. His face when he says that though. XD

THAT ENTIRE SEQUENCE ABOUT PARENT/GUARDIAN PERMISSION I’M DYING HOLY FRICK!!! XD XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

That was both the cutest and funniest thing ever and I just...I LOVE THEM AHHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

I feel like Cas is upset though. Like, he’s extra frustrated with the whole Amara and God thing. Not that I blame him of course. He’s just got a certain...coldness to him in this episode. But I like how it disappears whenever he’s talking to Jack. <3 <3 Good acting on Misha’s part.

For example, that little soft smile when he looks over at Jack logging in to the social media account is so sweet and so cute and so undeniably fatherly. <3 <3

Okay, gotta be honest: British demon? Totally hot.

"Why is he talking like that?” he whispers, very loudly in a way that the party he is speaking of can definitely hear him. XD XD <3 <3

“Because Zack has style.”

WAIT!!!

He’s not ACTUALLY British??!!

Oh my god that shouldn’t have made me laugh, but it TOTALLY did.

AND he made the “Highway to Heaven” reference just like Dean did!

I love this demon holy frick. XD XD

Cas’s and Jack’s confused expressions at his sudden change. XD

“I would watch that show.” XD XD

How this show manages to introduce a new character, however brief, and give him so much personality when we’re six episodes from the end is beyond my understanding, but man, it is one of the many reasons I love this show. <3

Ha! “Demons are get, humans are just crazy” ring a bell?

Ha! Of course Rowena has that philosophy. God I miss her.

“You’re a deviant soul corrupted by Hell.” Ah, Cas, ever quick with the logical wit. XD

Cas’s “and we’re done”. XD

Zack is so desperate.

And now, Zack is all of us during COVID. XD

I love Zack. Take him with you. XD <3

Oof. Too true, Cas. Too true.

Awww...Jack.

AWWW! Cas!!! Knowing his son wanted to be busy and help people. I LOVE THEM!!!

THOSE SMILES AT EACH OTHER OH MY GOD SO CUTE!!! <3 <3 <3

She’s gonna steal the money.

Yep. Classy lady. *eye roll*

Ope. And now she’s gonna die.

AHHHH!!

OKAY I TAKE THAT BACK!! BRING THE TEDDY BEAR BACK!! SCARY MASK IS WORSE!!!

My mom and I both screamed jesus christ.

“Focused.” Interesting phrasing, but okay.

I like the way this phone call is happening. The back and forth is cool, and I like their easy talk with each other.

Dean can’t just give straight advice. Ever. “Drink the Kool-Aid and sign up.” XD

Oof. Jesus.

Clearly Dean wasn’t talk about the Amara thing.

Wait, this was over a two-day timeline? Huh. Okay then.

Dean that doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you stop.

“Messengers of God’s Destruction”.

No, but did any of us?

“Least this time it’s not you or me.” Yeah, yet.

That look Sam gives him means he had the same thought I did.

Okay sorry, I am super not religious, and the God speak makes me want to barf.

HA! JACK! XD

See, this is why you have to give straight advice, Dean. I know that’s hard for you, being your chaotic bi self and all, but angels tend to take things literally, bud. XD

Jack you dork. XD <3

Geez girl. Be nice.

Jack whispering again to try to be sneaky I love him. <3

So that’s a yes then.

Jesus. She’s a b***h. I don’t like her.

That little head nod OMG!! <3 <3

I LOVE THE CAS AND JACK TEAM UP THEY’RE SO CUTE!! <3 <3

Oh. That was a sweet hug.

My Mom: It’s him. It’s the pastor. He’s the bad guy.

Oh! Greed! So this is a seven deadly sins thing!

Ummm....that’s a little weird. Maybe this is as monster after all, with the tech working like that?

But if it was a monster, why is she set up like that?

Okay no, I take that back. I watch Criminal Minds, and this totally looks like something a serial killer would do. Especially the timer thing.

“The new guy’s hot.” MEEEEE. That girl is me. XD <3 <3 <3

EVERY. SINGLE. THING. JACK. DOES. IS. SO. STINKING. ADORABLE. <3 <3 <3 <3

Boyfriend and girlfriend, I’m guessing?

Awww...baby. :(

Awww...Jack. :( :(

Okay but, like, we’ve learned now, right? Don’t give her your whole story please and thank you.

Oh okay. That’s okay.

This girl is...off. Is it the acting, or is the character actually weird? I honestly can’t tell.

Oof. Daddy issues alert.

“I have more dads than most.” AWWW!!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Wait baby no, you’re not letting them down stop that. :( :( :(

Ew. “Put your trust in God, not people.” Now I hate her. Trust me honey, the last person Jack--or anybody, for that matter--should be putting his faith in is God.

Oh okay then.

Ha! I love Cas’s subtle little sass with the “faith-based community”.

Oh. A.V. and tech. TV screen. Bingo.

Yeah I don’t think it’s the pastor. He seems too innocent.

...except he’s definitely not getting any father-of-the-year awards. But what else is new with this show.

“It’s complicated.” What are you talking about?? Just say yes, Cas.

Awww...soft side of Cas. <3

Yeah no. It’s not the pastor. There’s no way. It must be that Brother Rudy dude.

Ha! Awkward. XD

That’s actually really nice. I like that idea, having a church community (sorry--faith-based community) helping other people like that. It’s sweet.

Oh. Connor was gay. That honestly totally makes sense. Poor guy. :(

I’m glad the pastor was accepting of him though! <3 <3

Awww...that’s a good line. “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying.”

I really hope it’s not the pastor. I like him.

My Mom: Wait, have we just never seen them put gas in the car before? I had no idea it was behind the license plate!

I’m thinking back and I didn’t know that either, so this must be the first time we’ve actually seen them, like, open it, and that’s HILARIOUS to me. XD

OOOOH WAIT!! This is where they see Amara, according to the promo photos!!

Oh heeeey girl.

Wow she looks really pretty with that snow in her hair.

She...she...smelled them?

“You have a very distinctive musk.” “Thank you.” ARE THESE TWO STILL PINING FOR EACH OTHER? XD XD XD

I like this Amara. She’s fun.

My family and I always make kielbasa with our pierogis (I had no idea that that was how that was spelled, btw), so pierogis without the kielbasa feels wrong. XD

Jensen’s facial expressions say so much all the time and I love it. XD

Oh boy.

NOOOOOO!

WHAT IS IT WITH SUPERNATURAL AND FINGERS ON THIS SHOW JESUS!!

Okay, WHO is the timer for?? Like, is it just some form of slow torture?? Because it’s not like it’s being shown to anyone other than her.

Ooh. I like that he’s listing off all of the different names for God. Good pastor. Please don’t be a bad guy.

HIS FAMOUS “hello” OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUUUUUUUUCH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

...oof. Ummm....

Awww.... Poor baby. :( :( :(

AWWW!! Dad Cas to the rescue!! <3 <3 <3

Jack looking at his dad omg. <3 <3

I already like this speech from Cas. I can tell it’s gonna be good.

“I guess I found a family.” <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

JACK’S LITTLE SMILE!!!

“And I became a father.” THERE IT IS!!! THERE. IT. IS!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

THE WAY JACK LOOKS AT HIM AFTER HE SAYS THAT AHHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

AWWWW!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

GOOD SPEECH CAS!!! GOOD SPEECH!!! WAY TO MAKE YOUR SON FEEL BETTER!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

Awww...I really like this pastor. <3

FRIIIICK.

Oh sh**. There’s the time for everyone else.

JESUS!!!

Yeah okay. This is 100% a human being’s doing. A monster wouldn’t bother.

Jack running over to turn it off right away. Ever the hero. <3 <3

The pastor seemed too surprised to have done it, which, for me, puts pastor in the clear. Thank goodness.

True, but also he sucks, so help us out Amara.

Okay, I’m sorry, but quick side note. Everyone keeps saying he’s “very nearly done”, but when Dean looked in the telescope, he didn’t see anything. I thought that meant he was done. Unless it only reaches so far? I guess it probably only reaches so far in terms of other dimensions.

Sure there is.

“Our pal Jack.” That’s such a weird thing to hear him say, but okay. XD

Also I’m not sure how I feel about them telling Amara about Jack. Like, I like her, and I feel like she’s gonna help, but what if she doesn’t? She could, whether intentionally or unintentionally, wind up seeing Chuck and mentioning Jack to him, and if she does, that ruins the whole plan. But, on the other hand, I guess they have to earn her trust, and keeping details from her would definitely make that harder. But I still don’t like it. It puts my baby in danger. Again. But anyways.

Oh. Just like that?

“I get he’s your brother” Dean says oh so casually, as if he hasn’t literally moved heaven and hell to protect and save his own brother.

“Squirrely weirdo” XD XD

Oh. The Big Bang. New theory. I like it. XD

Sure he can.

Ummm...yeah, Amara. You’re a fool. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Maybe he cares about you a little, but definitely not as much as you’re giving him credit for. Not right now anyways.

Wait...she actually said no? No way. I thought they were gonna be able to convince her. Guess my initial theory was wrong... What does that mean though? Like...what now?

Jack’s gonna come slamming through that door, according to the promo.

Called it!

Wait...why did Jack slam through it while Cas is just...casually standing there? You’re an angel, Castiel. XD

“Lust” It is based on “Seven”! I love it!

Welp...guess it’s not him.

Wait, so we are walking away with a no? That never happens to us!

THERE we go. Go get her Dean.

Is it just me, or has Sam been, like, really not involved this episode?? Jared’s had, like, six lines. XD

OH! Okay, the “then” makes sense now.

Oof. You tell her, Dean.

That she sucks. That’s what she wanted. Because she does.

Wait NO WAY! That’s what I said! Kind of, anyways.

Woooow. That’s actually pretty messed up, Amara. But it makes sense for why Mary was such a terrible character and why I hated her so much. She is only human. A sucky human, too.

Is it, though?

“That you could finally start to accept your life.” Okay, that’s actually kind of cool, and that’s awesome on the writers’ part for adding in that explanation of why everything went the way it did. Nice.

But also, that’s pretty messed up Amara.

Oooh. We’re about to get some awesome Jensen acting, aren’t we?

Jensen’s trying not to cry face is so incredible wow.

Awww....poor Dean.

Jesus Amara. A little sympathy?

OOF. I love that quiet fury that Dean has.

OOH! He got her!

YES DEAN!!! TELL HER!

“Well now who’s living in a dreamworld?” ...ouch. But true.

...oh boy. That was a bold-faced lie. But so brilliantly told, Dean.

After ALL THAT, you’re going to THINK ABOUT IT? Really??!!

But hey! I KNEW IT!! BEAUTIIFUL acting moment on Jensen’s part!! AWESOME scene. <3 <3 <3 <3

Oh! It’s the girl. I’m calling it.

Yep. Daughter.

I KNEW SHE WAS BEING WEIRD!

See?! Super religious people are crazy!!

Go Cas and Jack go!

Ope. Cas is gonna heal, and Jack is gonna attack. Go boys go!

Cas is gonna heal in front of all those people oof.

Girl has ISSUES.

Wow, this girl is WAAAAY too religious. Chill.

Yeah, cause you need help.

HEY!!! NOT COOL SYLVIA!!!

Oof. Yeah nice try, but that’s not gonna work.

I love how Jack just takes it and then heals all bada** like “yeah sorry but no”, but then he still looks up with the kindest and most innocent expression and I love it. <3

Meanwhile Cas is like “yeah I’m not having any of this.” XD XD

Does...does he always have to say sleep when he does it? Cause he didn’t used to, and for some reason, that was hilarious. XD

Jack’s little nod. So cute. <3 <3

Fixed her fingers, but couldn’t wash the blood off. XD

Yeah ummm...how you gonna explain that one, Cas?

At least pastor dude seems nice. And, like, being the good kind of religious, he’ll probably be totally cool with the angel thing.

Wait, pastor dude is still processing this when morning hits? Okay then.

“Not a very good one.” WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! You are literally the BEST angel, thank you very much.

Man that girl is MESSED UP.

And Jack still feels sorry for her, my baby. :( <3 <3

Ah. Nothing like your daughter becoming a murderer for you to finally step into a proper role of fatherhood.

WAIT A SECOND! IT’S ZACK!!

Dude waaait. What does that mean?? That’s, like, a really random thing. Does that mean she’s gonna come back? Or that Zack is gonna come back? I’m not sure what that means. That seems so random! I DEMAND ANSWERS SUPERNATURAL!

The way Cas looks at Jack after the pastor says that about looking after her better. Cas I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you’re the best father Jack could’ve asked for, okay?

Awww! Cas and Jack talk time!! <3 <3

Cas is trying so hard to help him I love him. <3

NO YOU DON’T STOP!! THIS IS WHAT FAMILY IS FOR!! WHHHHYYY are all you Winchesters like this.

Wait. WAIT! He was hiding something?! I hate it when Sam’s right.

Wait WHAT?!

HOLD ON!!!

NOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO!!! NO! JACK NO!!! That is NOT ALLOWED!!!

HOLD ON A SECOND!!! NO!!! THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING WTF??!!!

Wait wait wait. A bomb?? Like, just like S11?? Because no. No no no. We’re not doing this again. JACK YOU ARE NOT GONNA DIE WTF??!!

THIS THROWS ALL OF MY THEORIES OUT THE WINDOW NOOOO!!! IT CAN’T BE JACK!!! I REFUSE!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’(

WE JUST GOT YOU BACK!!! WE CAN’T LOSE YOU AGAIN!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’(

Cas’s face is all of my emotional screeching right now.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN “Don’t tell Sam and Dean.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME JACK??!! THESE ARE YOUR DADS!! THEY NEED TO KNOW!!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!! CAS WON’T LET YOU!!!

JACK NOOOO!!! STOP IT WITH ALL OF YOUR GUILT! GOD you’re such a Winchester!! NO!! DEAN BAKED YOU A DANG BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! YOU DON’T NEED TO DIE FOR HIM TO FORGIVE YOU!!!

I’M HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME TYPING RIGHT NOW WTF IS THIS SCENE??!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’(

Me too, Cas!!!

SEE JACK??!! YOU CAN’T!!

NO! WHAT IS THAT?!

NO!! STOP IT!!! STOP IT YOU STUPID IDIOT NO!!! YOU CANNOT SACRIFICE YOURSELF LIKE THIS!!! THEY WON’T LET YOU!!!

Cas tell Sam and Dean. Please.

Oh WAIT! We have, like, two minutes left craaap. This is the scene from the promo. Cas is gonna say Sam and Dean need to know something and then it’s gonna end. I’m calling it right now.

YES CAS!! GO CAS GO!! SAVE YOUR SON!!!

Yep. Here it is. It’s gonna cut off.

GODDA**IT!! I HATE IT WHEN I’M RIGHT!!!

WHY YOU GOTTA DO ME LIKE THAT SUPERNATURAL??!! You can’t just...DROP A BOMB like that and then NOT RESOLVE IT GOD DA**IT!! SCREW YOU WRITERS!!!

AHHHHH!!! I NEED NEXT WEEK RIGHT NOW!!! AHHHHH!!! THIS IS SO NOT OKAY!!!!

If I deny it ever happened, then it didn’t happen, right? Jack and Cas solved the case, Sam and Dean got Amara’s help, and they all went home and had family dinner, okay? New ending. There we go. Problem solved. Because NO!

Well...f**k. I guess it’s review time?? But JESUS CHRIST!!! Okay, okay, I need a minute. Please hold.

(Several Hours Later)

Okay. I’m back. Let me start with something kind of amusing. Several minutes after the episode ended, while I was still trying to process everything, this interaction happened:

Me, breathing heavily and dying inside: Mom, you do not seem as distressed about this as I am.

My Mom: I am never as distressed as you are about anything in this show. It’s impossible for me to reach that level of distress. I don’t know how you do it.

So...if you didn’t already realize how emotionally connected to this show I am, now you do. XD

That said, let’s get down to it.

God, there is soooo much to unpack with that episode, and even crazier, it honestly all comes from that last five minutes. Let me start with this:

I really enjoyed this episode! It can’t quite beat last week’s episode--but, honestly, I don’t know if any of the other episodes will be able to, except for maybe the finale--but it was good! I had a few qualms about Matt Cohen’s directing, but he definitely had some strong moments, so it wasn’t bad. And, admittedly, at first, I felt like the pacing of the episode was kind of slow, and switching back and forth between the Winchesters and Cas and Jack felt kind of choppy for a bit, but as the episode played out, I realized why. This was a full-on set-up episode. While last week gave us a chance to be silly with the boys and see some beautiful family bonding, this was the one that set us up for what’s sure to be heavy and plot-filled coming up. (And yes, I know next week’s episode is much more of a monster-of-the-week, but 15x17 is when things will likely really get down to it, so I’m sure there’ll still be some important plot stuff next week--especially since we need a resolution to the Cas and Dean talk). Between the boys having to find and trick Amara, and Cas and Jack bonding and working with each other again, plus that big reveal at the end, it’s setting up the next string of episodes to be fast-paced and intense as they finally start to take on God.

With that said, I really loved being able to see Jack and Cas together again. It’s been so long since we’ve seen them really spend time together and bond, and watching them play off each other and be father and son was adorable and hilarious. Plus, I just love Jack with every fiber of my being, so that makes everything better. XD <3

I also really loved Dean’s interactions with Amara. I mentioned this already, but that scene, where he’s talking about Mary...that was some INCREDIBLE acting on Jensen’s part. He’s always been really good at that subtle rage, especially when it’s also filled with sadness, and this scene was no different. And I’m glad that they did finally get Amara on board; however, I’m a little concerned with what she’s going to do when she finds out he lied. Especially after how worried she seemed to be. AND SPEAKING OF LYING!!

THOSE LAST FIVE MINUTES! HOLY SHIT!!

Okay, so I’ve had some time to think about this and talk it out with some people, so I’m just gonna roll with the thoughts as they go through my brain. First of all, that is a big no a thousand times over. Jack, you cannot die. Second of all, that reveal was very well done on the writer’s part. After such a nonchalant episode--in terms of pace, that is--to have that in the last five minutes, AND to end with that cliffhanger, was a beautiful way to keep us fans guessing, invested, and wanting more. But also, SCREW YOU!

That said, as freaked out as I was--and honestly, I’m still pretty worried--I really don’t think Jack’s going to die. There’s no way. Initially, my theory left Cas and Jack standing at the end of all of this. After CW said that thing about one of the main characters not surviving to the end, I thought it was gonna be Dean, but I can also see how it could be both Sam and Dean. However, in any case, Cas and Jack, in my various theories, always end up on top. So Jack saying he’s going to die in order to kill Chuck and Amara TOTALLY threw me. BUT! After talking it through with someone else, I seriously doubt it’s going to happen.

First of all, Cas is about to go look for another way, and, as we’ve seen in the past, they always find another way. After all, this is the Winchesters (and yes, Cas counts, obviously).

Second of all, they’re telling us this five episodes before the end, but Jack is, supposedly, completing his final ritual in 15x17. That leaves three episodes of unaccounted time, and if Jack is really going to die to kill Chuck and Amara, there’s no way they can stretch that over three episodes. Therefore, his dads are bound to stop it. To FURTHER that, 15x17 has Jack and Dean heading out together to complete Jack’s final ritual while Sam and Cas stay behind, which means that, once Jack does whatever he’s supposed to do, Dean is bound to find out what Billie’s true intentions are, and I’m convinced that he’s not going to be okay with it. Because here’s the thing. Between Sam and Dean, Jack is the one that Dean still needs the most forgiveness from. And, kind of like what happened in Last Holiday, the second Dean realizes Jack is in actual danger, he’s not going to let anything happen to him. And I’m hoping that the resulting protectiveness will give Dean the chance to tell Jack that he does forgive him, which will hopefully release some of Jack’s guilt complex and give them the ability to find another way.

THIRD of all, (and I mentioned this in my reactions), this whole “becoming the bomb to kill the cosmic entities” is an exact mirror of what Dean tried to do in S11, and we saw how that went. But the thing is, why would the writers play the exact same storyline again unless they were intending to parallel it and connect it to Jack and Dean’s relationship now? When Dean didn’t detonate in S11, he got his mom back, but then Jack killed her. Now, Jack is ready to detonate himself as a bomb because of having killed Mary, and Dean’s bound to stop him, especially after that conversation with Amara. Maybe this is all wishful thinking, but I really, sincerely feel like (and hope) that Jack isn’t going to make that sacrifice. Because, on top of all of that, while I love the family that is Team Free Will 2.0, this show still is, as it always has been, about Sam and Dean, and, as such, it should end with them too. So the odds of Jack being the “be all end all” without Sam and Dean’s help? Super slim.

So, to sum that up, as worried as I am about my baby, I really really really think (and god I hope I’m right) that that’s not the way this story will end. There has to be more to it.

With all of that addressed, let’s talk about WHATEVER it is that Cas is about to tell Dean. For me, there are two things it could be:

First, there’s the obvious answer based on the episode itself. Cas is about to tell Dean that Jack has to die in order to kill Chuck and Amara. However, I don’t think that’s it, because that seems too easy and unrealistic. If Cas tells Dean that now, then why would Dean take him to do his final ritual in 15x17 (I guess this is what happens when you read too much promotional material lol)? And even if he does, the next episode seems to be very Sam and Dean centric, and Cas dropping a bomb like that would not allow for a Sam and Dean centric episode, at least not when it’s putting their whole big mission in a different light. Plus, on top of all of that, that Cas and Jack conversation is an exact parallel of the conversation the two of them had about Cas making his deal with the Empty back in Season 14. Cas told Jack not to tell Sam and Dean, and Jack never did, even though his life is at risk. So Cas telling Sam and Dean about Jack now, knowing that Jack kept that secret for him, might break a certain level of trust between the two of them, and I don’t think Cas would do that. Which brings me to my second and, in my opinion, more likely theory.

Cas is about to tell Dean about his deal with the Empty. While this would also be a huge bomb to drop in the middle of this big fight, and in the middle of all this chaos, it technically doesn’t directly correlate with their fight with Chuck. However, if something does happen to Cas, that’s something that Sam and Dean do need to know, because it’ll affect how they handle things and what they do, in a lot of ways. At the same time, I feel like, if Cas is gonna do a whole “go it alone” thing, it’s important that he tells them before he leaves, because there’s no telling what could happen, to any of them, when they’re not all together, and being as open as possible before separating like that tends to be a good idea. It seems like Cas might finally be learning.

That said, I could be wrong all around. It could be neither of those things. It could be both of those things. Honestly, there’s no way to know for sure until we get to next week. However, after a crazy ending like that, I am definitely looking forward to seeing what Supernatural has in store for us next.

My Rating: 8/10

#my review #my reactions #spn #season 15 #spn season 15 #spn spoilers #15x15 #gimme shelter #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #cas and jack #sam and dean #spn 15x15 #spn reactions #ratings #personal

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empathdespoina · 3 years

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Social effect of unhealthy minds hurting others...

This isn’t a post in regards to being an Empath. But it does affect Empaths, because this is happening close to their home...their families, community and towns bordering your own; besides state you live in.

I was reflecting and realized that Donald Trump (I know, I know you don’t want to hear about him, but hear me out, it has a ripple effect) grew up abused by his father and mother and child abuse is something that should seriously be address; due to the mental health issues that stem from this and it’s a cycle that gets put onto the next young innocent victim, or a victim not blood related. Seeing how Trump still refuses to acknowledge that he lost, due to his psychological mindset that he’s still trying to please his father...that’s a very unsettling mindset; especially that his father died so long ago...I honestly don’t know.

So here is a man that’s in charge of a nation, that’s mentally unstable and this is causing others who have been abused as a child and NEVER got psychological help...are ever so lovely continued the sick cycle. I say this because my mother was abused by her mother as a child - it was verbal, emotional and psychological; plus my mother’s older sister (my aunt) was abused and then her sister turned it onto my mom. This has caused my mom to follow in these foot steps. Yet my mother and aunt don’t see anything wrong with the way they treat me and sadly my brother has learned to treat me very similar; but in a worst way...due to him bringing his NYPD job home and blowing up on me for no reason, and I feel he’s not to far away to unleash his physical anger on me. I have suggested to my mother on several times to go to therapy and her response is always... I’m okay there’s nothing wrong with me. As of recently my mom wants very little to do with her sister, on the way her sister treats her. I am my mother’s and brother’s emotional punching bag of dumping their bad days on me...all because I do something small that a healthy minded person would be upset; yet for these two, flip off at me as if I did something so damn horrible as if killed a wild animal in the house and destroyed the house in the process.

Now seeing how my family is...my mom likes Trump and is very pissed that he lost; due to her being very negative towards me, anytime there’s a reference around our new leaders for the nation. And the negativity outburst is nothing more than childish, but her being an adult and the years of how she destroyed my mental health on causing me to have very high stress anxiety; that if I do something similar to what would have upset her in the past...I start freaking out, in an unsettling reaction. Reason why? Because spilling a drink on the floor isn’t a big deal for healthy minded people. Yet for my mother it was the straw that broke the camel’s back and completely lost it with me. My father tried his best to protect me when he was alive; yet reflecting on the past and understanding my mother’s past; he was most likely abused along the same line like me, due to his last famous words to my mother, as he died from cancer: “You did this to me and put me here!” Which I believe was him lashing out on the abuse she did to him and it was always a passive aggressive to then shouting and bringing up every damn past mistake and making you feel worthless and that you’re nothing more then an embarrassment to her. Since she’s always concern of how others perceive her, due to the fact she never was popular in high school and that mindset still hasn’t been let go...seeing how she was ecstatic when my brother was the popular kid back in the day, in school and she could hang out with the popular moms. -face palms herself-

Having a mentally sick man as our president who won’t admit to losing or that he’s fucked up because yeah he was abused as a child...since around that time, it was considered ACCEPTABLE. Now you’re getting all these other people who were abused as a child and mentally sick to be encourage to let all this out, let all the abuse out and to hurt others. To attack people out of nowhere to let racism fly. But for some people at home, to deal with those we know, are getting worst than they were before...all because they admire this man like a Korean Idol or a Kardashian. The most dangerous ones are who are less educated; then following under that is people (more now my mother’s age group compared to my age group...to an extent on my age group), who are getting addicted to FB - which has always used ads and fake news to convince people of what the democrats are doing and to believe everything the republicans are saying...when what they are saying, is very dangerous school of thought; for these people to become nothing more than sheep that can rage and hurt others without a care; since Trump has been doing that in the public eye and social media.

Trump doesn’t want to hear the truth and those who don’t agree with him and make it known on news channels...where he takes comfort in social media; which he can easily bend those to his thought process and believe in it. I shit you not my mother believes in this thought process; which I believe is from FB. She’s now on FB more often and her friend who is too (the one that’s got chemical brain and talks to her daily)...that the three red strips in Biden’s campaign design is related to China...because some asshole who wanted to stir things up and cause chaos; when Biden was mimicking Obama’s campaign design. I couldn’t tell my mother other wise due to her hard belief in this...and this was a woman, who years ago when my father died- she did massive research on the pesticides that cause my dad’s cancer, which lead to his death. And she would always look into things. Yet due to her being chair bound as her ankle heals...she’s been on social media more and more; which I am not addict to social media like I was to an extent 10yrs ago. She believes in the republicans on what the democrats are going to do, on making our American country into one of socialism and the socialism very that is being inferred is the one in which we have no rights. Then there was another time this reference was brought up- note by my mothers and believing that by destroying all the stores, would cause this country to quickly turn into a socialism nation. I told her we have three branches of government and it isn’t going to change, due to how the three branches of government works. She replies go ahead and believe that it will stay the same, once Biden is in office.

This is what I mean about a ripple effect of these dangerous school of thoughts and to be violent to others and keep the cycle of abuse going. My mother is a woman who could think for herself...yet these past four years under Trump it’s more of the social media fake news to scare people in buying guns...in order to “protect” themselves from an uprising of the minorities; who will come and attack our home and to protect ourselves... I am not making this up - this actually came out of my mother’s mouth when I question my mothers on why my brother had three guns and a SNIPER RIFFLE. And the other push for buying guns that Democrats would ban guns- this causing my brother to buy so much damn ammo for his “guns” that he can be his own militia army...where these people are too stupid to realize the rights to have guns is within our 10 Amendments. It is as if no one remembers our Amendments and how our three branches of government works any more of history.

And if I have to show you dangerous school of thought to cause chaos look to the dr who lost his medical license due to things that endanger a patient, because he was putting his believes onto this woman...instead of the best care to help her. He went on social media on video saying the 5G towers were “causing the COVID” and he would go on and on about it...where he’s clearly not right in the head...but of course you have mental sick idiots who will believe someone that “appears” smarter than them. And what did they do...they went around in Europe and destroying those 5G towers.

Trump’s legacy should be of a different social experiment (which they refereed to the prohibition), on how a man could use social media to bend people to his unhealthy thought process and make others stupid to believe in everything he says. Look how some republicans are believing the election is a fraud still, due to Trump losing, and this is a man who’s always got his way and his energy aura has to be very intimating for no one to say “NO” to him. For an other average person to pull the same shit off as Trump; would be arrested in a heartbeat, yet they are afraid of this man. Which I believe, when it comes time for him to leave office and we know he won’t go peacefully; to get a trank-gun and shoot him with it; then put a straight jacket on him and haul him away to a really heavily secured mental ward. Trump has caused healthy minded people to do things, that were not seen under Obama and Bush’s time in office. I only pick them, due to the fact I was more aware of how the president worked and being able to vote. Trump is a mental disease in his own way and to see others catch this and treat those around them...like Trump treats others, as if they are beneath his feet. I don’t know how much more rage outbursts that I’m going to have to deal with, in regards to my mother as this year ends and Biden will soon be in office. Plus keep in mind, I am the only one of her two children home (due to can’t find a job) to help her out and drive her around and she treats me like this...also I wasn’t the one who left something in my mother’s path of walking for her to fall and hurt herself, it was my brother. Yet he’s not helping out as much more, due to him being happy that his back working Narcotics unit; since he was desked for awhile due to he, himself breaking his leg and ankle of the right side a year ago from mom hurting herself.

I am really concern seeing what this nation has become and seeing how my mother and brother are on board with the words coming out of Trump’s mouth; especially my mom’s friend. I guess I felt compelled to write out my fear on seeing this...awhile ago, I read two articles that psychoanalyzed Trump by some professional therapist, as they watched and observed him on tv and looked into his history, on the life he had growing up. I honestly don’t know how long it will take to make society more...I honestly can’t find the right word....less violent and more willing to hurt others in a sick twisted obsession...? Yet that still happens in this world...maybe I’m looking for is......less negative fuel to fuel the monsters that are wearing masks and are two face to people...pretending by day to be a respectable person of society and when not watched by those people...take the mask off and reveal the monster underneath willing to hurt others; as they see Trump has done, and what he’s encourage to happen in this country.

So if you have family members, friends or co-workers/bosses who have similar thought process like my family... try your best to endure it and make sure you have something you can discreetly touch to ground you... or go for more pee breaks and just say you’re body’s off...if you get questioned.

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omgreading · 4 years

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2020 Goals Update #261-284: September 17th - October 10th (I’m playing catch-up)

I will not be doing a daily breakdown for these like I usually do because that would be over 20 posts and I just don’t have the energy for it. After this post, I will get back into my routine and do these daily again.

I will break down what basically happened during this time

The books I finished:

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates (finished 9.19.20) Clockwork Princess (The Infernal Devices #3) by Cassandra Clare (finished 9.25.20) This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone (finished 9.28.20) Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling (finished 9.30.20) Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan Lefanu (finished 10.2.20) Red, White, & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (finished 10.5.20) The Talented Mr. Ripley by Patricia Highsmith (still reading)

The Things I Did:

I got my haircut on September 18th, after debating for months on whether I should grow it out. I gave in because the pixie growth stages are just hideous.

I have slept so much; it is not even funny. I think I am kind of in the midst of a depressive episode and I just got to find a way through it. I post on TikTok every few days and I am trying to figure out if I want to branch out to YouTube. I started TikTok because I was tired of being ashamed of how I look and decided to put myself out there.

I am trying to figure out a weight-loss plan that I can stick to. I need to lose weight and I need to be physically fitter, even if my physical health isn’t actually that bad.

I lost 17 lbs over this time period and then through laziness and over-eating I gained 10 lbs back. But that means I can lose it, so I just have to figure it out.

I had a sleep study on September 26th and I have sleep apnea. I don’t have a lot of money to put towards a CPAP, so I am not sure what I will do about that. I am waiting on a call from one of makers of them so I can get a quote on it.

I started playing Among Us on and off, starting around September 27th with Booktokkers in a Discord chat. That is fun. I don’t always join them, but playing games is fun, especially since it is such a silly and weird game.

I’ve gotten about 30 books from thrift-stores over the past month. I should probably post a photo.

I am slowly, very slowly, making progress on my room. We have built three of the four bookshelves and I am getting the shelves organized.

I’ve played Sims 4 a little over this time, too. I get bored real quick with it, so I don’t play that long when I do.

The TV I Watched:

I have spent the last half of September and all of October so far re-watching The Vampire Diaries, and I am about to start season four of the re-watch. I don’t think I will re-watch the entire series, definitely not season 8 again! I have also been watching the current season of Big Brother with my mom. I’ve watched the two new episodes of The Great British Baking Show with my mom, too. I watched two episodes of Utopia (US) yesterday after my cousin Ginger recommended it to me.

The Folks I Talk To:

Every now and again I will join a live for a BookTokker on TikTok and chat with them and the others in the lives about books. Gotta socialize when I can.

I talk to a few people on here and Snapchat, usually about books.

I have attended two Discord Quiz Practices with folks from my Alma Mater, and that is both educational and entertaining.

I talk to my cousin Ginger every single day on FB Video. I think we have talked every day starting on September 14th. I love talking to her and seeing her. I look forward to her calls every day. I figure at some point this might stop, but until it does, it is so much fun.

Wrap-up:

I still read for 30 minutes every single day. Honestly, during this period there were a bunch of days where I only read for 30 minutes. My reading time is slowing way down. I write in my journal every day too. I am just being lazy these days. I have to get back to my routine.

I would have loved to do the full updates like I usually do, but I know that I would probably never get around to it because it is so daunting and then I would keep falling behind. Here’s hoping I can stay on track from now on!!

#booklr #bookblr #bibliophile #bookworm #bookish #2020goals #2020update #long post #i am a slacker #omgposts #text

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thethoughtfulblogger2022 · 4 years

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My Current Struggles

I am at the point in my life where all of my friends and family are getting married and having kids. My FB feed is just filled with posts like, “I’m so blessed to be a Mom. Its the best thing I’ve ever done. Tag a pic of your little one” and like, “I finally married my best friends today after waiting for two years we finally did it”

I have been with my boyfriend for 5, going on 6 years, I have been waiting and waiting for a ring. Everyone seems to be getting married all around me and honestly I’m losing hope that He’ll ever ask me. I have had important people in my life pass away and now because of him waiting so long to ask me, I can’t have them there. It hurts, and I don’t blame him for anything. It’s just sad to think that the wedding that I always had envisioned won’t be the same.

My best friend and my future Sister-in-Law had a baby in April. He is the cutest thing and I have learned a lot from her while she was pregnant and even after her pregnancy about having a kid. I am even his Godmother! She is several years younger than me, but it seems that ever since she had him she thinks she knows more about life than I do. I told her I was worried about Chris, My Boyfriend, and she started going into a speech about how “Relationships have to have communication. Sam and I have had problems before, but you just have to talk through them and work it out.”

I honestly didn’t know what to say out loud, but in my head I was spouting off. First off, just because you have a kid now doesn't make you all knowing and wise. And You and Sam have been together for 2 years While I’ve been with Chris for 5. I think I know more about having relationships and how to keep them than you do. Also, I am older than you and really don’t need or want your advice on anything except baby stuff. You are my best friend, but I really just wanna....Needless to say, I didn’t say any of that. It was hard not to though.

Chris’s family is always telling us that we need to have a kid soon too and they always ask me if I’m pregnant if I refuse beer. I just don’t like it, doesn’t mean I’m pregnant. Chris’s Stepmom and Sister are so bad at asking me when Chris and I are going to have kids. I’ve gotten so fed up with it that I have said, “I don’t think were going to have any.” They always give me these looks and then Chris will jump in saying, “No we will have kids just not right now.” I personally want to get married first, but I guess his family isn’t to big on that tradition.

The reason I am so uptight when it comes to being pressured to have kids is I don’t even know If I can have kids. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2015, and I was told that It will become very difficult for me to conceive. Most people who have PCOS are able to get pregnant, but I have an alarming amount of symptoms and a very short torso that will make being pregnant hard on the rest of my body regardless if I am fit or not. So the fact that the whole side of his family is expecting us to have a kid, makes me feel depressed and defeated. I don’t know If I can, and I don’t want them to know because I don’t want them to Pity me at all or make a big deal out of It if I am pregnant and lose the baby because I couldn’t carry it.

I just had to vent everything that I have been feeling lately. I just feel like a failure already. I’m loosing hope that Chris is going to ask me to marry him before I’m 30, and the longer we wait to get married the less of a window he have to try and have kids. I’m afraid were going to miss our opportunity.

#marraige #pregnancy #twentys #pcosinfertility #rant post

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dreamisawishyourheartmakes · 4 years

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10.18.2020

Thursday was not a good day. Let me tell you.

I have let go of what happened but I think this is the last step for me to let things go for good. It has been on my mind but I don’t want to talk about it with my husband no more. I respect how he feels and don’t want to let it show no more nor let it bother me anymore.

What happened was I made a post on my FB account about a shopping trip my husband took me on to a Whole Foods to spend $115 to get food that I could eat. I was dying for bread options. I do have some from a place I use my insurance but I wanted to see if there was a place that actually had bread that had less than 2 grams of protein more than 1 slice of bread. I found it and it was 1gram of protein for 2 slices of bread. HELL YES! The only BAD thing is that Whole Foods is expensive! Healthiness comes with a hefty price tag, that’s for sure. I have a rare metabolic disorder known as PKU(which is the shorter name). It basically means my liver is missing the enzyme that breaks down large amounts of protein. I can only have 8 grams of protein daily. For a very long time I did not follow the 8 grams of protein daily I was supposed to be doing me entire life. Anyway back to that post I made on FB. My cousin’s friend commented on it saying that I am a strong person and she could not imagine having to follow such a strict diet. I commented saying it was a diet of never having meat, seafood, chicken, dairy, etc. I also said that my sister went through it 3 times. My sister then posted saying “Yes, 3 times I went through it! It was extremely difficult to say the least. Even going on vacation and going out to eat at say a buffet, it was difficult. There is no such thing as eating out when you are pregnant. You technically shouldn’t just because it is harder to portion everything, unless you would be one of those people and bring measuring cups with you(i never was). But for what it’s worth, why eat at a buffet when what you’ll end up being able to eat there you can just eat at home. You would waste money honestly, so even though I knew eating out at a buffet was bad, I ate veggies and french fries and rice sometimes, knowing it was going to raise my level. But I told Kerri she should avoid eating out at all costs, but with her husband and his parents wanting to eat out often(NOW KEEP IN MIND I INVITED MY IN-LAWS TO COME PUMPKIN PICKING WITH MY HUSBAND and MY FAMILY and then MY MOTHER-IN-LAW SAYS SHE and HER HUSBAND CAN”T MAKE IT BUT IF WE GO OUT TO DINNER LATER LET HER KNOW...THERE WERE NO PLANS TO EAT OUT THAT DAY BECAUSE I TOLD MY HUSBAND I DIDN’T WANT TO DUE MY PRE-CON DIET BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF WANTING TO SEE THE IN-LAWS AND SAID WE WOULD GO TO A BUFFET WHICH IS MY BETTER OPTION BUT WAS 45 MINUTES AWAY FROM IN-LAWS...DID REALIZE SHE FIGURED WE WOULD GO TO DINNER UP THERE PLUS MY DAD CAN’T EAT A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS SO IT WORKS BETTER FOR HIM). Okay so back to finishing my sister’s comment off: that is going to be a huge problem. So she’s going to have a responsibility on her hands, basically making him and his parents understand the importance of this diet before and during pregnancy. After the pregnancy, it’s your choice as to what you want to do as far as the diet goes. But the ONE key thing in the PKU diet is the formula intake. Without that, the levels will stay high, not matter how good you watch what you eat. And while my sister goes food shopping at Whole Foods, I never did. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda” There was more but this is the part needed to understand what happened. I commented and said “Yeah ^^^^^^ Without my pku formula pills my levels would most likely be higher than they are now. Like a diabetic needs insulin a pku patient needs their formula to survive. The only problem there is the cost of the formula and without really good coverage no one can afford the cost and still we need many people in congress to support the nutrition equity act. It’s a bad battle but these people think ‘oh with controlling your diet with foods you’ll be fine’ WRONG! I don’t need my muscles breaking down because I’m trying to maintain low phe levels but not taking my formula! (Muscle breakdown happens when you don’t have formula and are taking in less formula or no formula at all). I also was reading about anabolism and catabolism. It’s quite complex but basically we need calories to keep levels lower too but we also need to lose body fat which also helps too(losing weight in pregnancy is not what any woman aims for) but you don’t want to lose muscle. It’s a complex diet that a lot of people do not understand and some doctors are like “What’s PKU?(It happened to me last year seeing a covering PCP doctor that has never treated a PKU patient nor ever heard of PKU before). So Thursday I get text from my mother-in-law “When you are done working at X-time we need to talk.” Well, I kind of was thinking “what happened now?” I thought it might have had something to do with a post on FB because what else could be wrong and if it were serious she would have called. I said to her text “Sure. What’s going on? Everything ok???” She says “Physically I’m ok. We will talk at x-time” Mind you I got stuck with training so I clocked out a few minutes later than my off time. I get a call on my phone and a minute after that first call comes another. I was finally able to look at my phone see I had 2 missed calls a minute a part from one another. Now I am in pain with my left arm trying to hustle and make dinner for myself on top of rearrange pots and pans so I can have better access to them when needed. I called my mother-in-law back on a different number so I could record what is being said exactly. YES, I RECORDED IT SO SHE CAN HEAR HOW SHE JUST TALKS AND TALKS AND DOESN’T LET YOU TALK WHEN NEEDED AND IF SHE DOES LET YOU TALK SHE DOES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IS BEING SAID TO HER AND NEVER FINISHES WHAT SHE SAYS AND JUST GOES ON AND ON IGNORING ANYTHING YOU NEED HER TO HEAR.

Well I will try and break down a 23 minute conversation of all her talking and me getting to say some things 3 different times. She basically told me she knows I(meaning me) don’t care and was asking what my sister was talking about airing on FB about eating out at buffets MIND YOU MY SISTER WAS GENERALLY SPEAKING AND NOT SPEAKING ABOUT LAST WEEKEND BUT SEE ASSUMPTIONS ARE MADE BECAUSE HIS MOTHER SITS ON FB AND READS EVERY LITTLE COMMENT MADE ON MY POSTS. SHE ASSUMED MY SISTER WAS TALKING ABOUT LAST WEEKEND when we were not planning to have dinner out. The only reason we talked about having it is so we could see his mother because YES I DO KNOW WE DON’T SEE MY HUSBAND’S FAMILY OFTEN. MY HUSBAND’S PARENTS DON’T SEE THEIR SON OFTEN BECAUSE HE WORKS 6 days a week and has ONE DAY OFF from his 2nd job. He then works his full-time job 5 DAYS A WEEK. She brings that up at the end of the conversation saying that I see my family a lot more and yet my sister doesn’t say anything about that. WHY WOULD SHE? THAT IS IRRELIVANT ANYWAY. I go to my parent’s house I take care of myself and my parents understand when I can’t do something, I CAN NOT DO IT. My in-laws though will push it and say “OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMEWHERE YOU CAN HAVE SOMETHING. THERE ARE OPTIONS.” Right, there are BUT I should not even consider eating out because there is more to it like knowing every little ingredient in foods, weighing foods out, etc. Yes my sister did right out say in her comment “But I told Kerri she should avoid eating out at all costs, but with her husband and his parents wanting to eat out often that is going to be a huge problem.” YES SHE IS RIGHT because THEY DO LIKE TO EAT OUT. I know his mom wants to get me out of the house but do we always have to involve food? We can’t see a movie? We can’t go bowling(She bowls in a league)? We can’t go have our nails done? You can’t come down here and have dinner with me and we can cook together which she loves doing? I don’t get it. There are so many other options that don’t involve eating out and an option of coming here as she does not work and is not tied down anymore. I said to her “You know could have just come down here since I work from home and am off of work too late to drive an hour and 10 minutes away and I should have said that but I didn’t because I KNOW YOU WON’T MAKE THAT COMMUTE SINCE IT’S TOO FAR FOR YOU/” She didn’t know what to say. She said “Yeah, well that is true, but yeah well you know maybe we can take turns going back and forth eating at each other’s place” YEAH OKAY BECAUSE THAT WON’T HAPPEN. HER SON KNOWS IT TOO BECAUSE THEY NEVER PICK UP THE PHONE TO ASK IF THEY CAN COME HERE BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS TELL ME THAT THEY NEVER SEE THEIR SON.....NOT MY FAULT. WE CAN’T AND WILL NOT BE TRAVELING UP THERE ALL THE TIME AND WE HAVE BEEN. GET OVER IT. 94 year old landlord drives more than my own mother-in-law who is 63!

Anyway, I need to get done. I have to do some laundry!

My sister was generally speaking and because the WORD BUFFET WAS IN IT FROM MY SISTER’S PAST EXPERIENCE EATING OUT BUFFETS KNOWS HOW HARD AND TOUGH IT IS TO DO SO and HOW BAD THAT IS AND CAN ABSOLUTELY RAISE PHE LEVELS.

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