#and like i always forgive them immediately after they bring down my self esteem and i'm the one who apologizes
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Obedient (Rewritten)
Soft! Yandere! Erasermic x Chubby! Fem! Reader
***18+ Fic***
You must be 18 years old or older to participate in this reading. If you are not, please remove yourself from the line and find another piece. Thank you.
Warnings: Yandere, stalking, implied drugging, kidnapping, reader is way too fucking calm with the situation, Stockholm Syndrome, BDSM themes, a collar, body worship, the word Daddy once, smut, double penetration (diff. holes), anal, unprotected sex, overstimulation, aftercare.
Word Count: 6.6 k
Author's Note: Alright. I've been wanting to rewrite this for a while now. Obedient was the very first fic I'd ever written and posted back in September, and my writing has changed A LOT since then. Reading the original, I realized there's a lot that I can change and tweak, and a lot that wasn't very clearly or well written (in my opinion). So, here it is!
You can find the original here.
Enjoy~
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“Happy birthday to me.” The words tumble loosely from your lips on a heaved breath, your fingers curled lazily around a cold glass of whiskey.
It isn’t a rare occurrence to see you perched atop a stool at the edge of the bar, nursing your third glass at 2am on a Friday night. Or rather Saturday morning. It’s one of the only places you can find solace, away from nosy coworkers and nosier acquaintances. The loneliness is soberingly blissful. You never cared much for social interaction.
At this point the bar is emptying, only a handful of bodies sticking around in the early hours. In the reflections of the rows of glass liquor bottles you see them again. Two lanky figures sitting in the corner booth at the back of the establishment. Any normal person would see them and think nothing. But you know better. When you first walked into the bar six months ago they were in that exact spot, and every time afterward they’d be there when you walked in and stayed after you left.
You, being observant as you are, always watched everything from your spot at the bar, the slightly warped images in the glass serving as your eyes for the night. It didn’t take long for you to figure the two were watching you every time you stepped inside. The blonde one always sat with his back to you, and his head would occasionally turn in the reflection. You’d alternate seats to make sure you weren’t imagining things, but it only confirmed what you’d suspected.
Not that you cared enough to do anything about it.
As long as they keep their distance you’re perfectly content letting them look. And they did keep their distance. They’d never even come within 5 feet of you, seemingly happy with just lingering glances. Of course, tonight would be a different story.
You watch as their glassy reflections stand up, the distance between you and them shrinking with each of their long strides. You let your eyes fall to the amber liquid in your hands, praying they’d only pass you by on their way out. Two sets of footsteps approached, two bodies popped up on either side of you, and a deep, silky smooth voice sounded on your right.
“Mind if we take a seat?” A glance to your right revealed a rugged, yet handsome man peering down at you with his deep, tired onyx eyes. Long raven hair spilled over his shoulders, framing his chiseled jaw peppered with barely tamed scruff and a scar curved along his cheekbone. You turn to look at his friend, long blonde hair pulled up into a high bun and hypnotic green eyes focused on you behind orange tinted sunglasses despite being indoors past midnight. He is handsome as well, a small mustache on his smiling lips, high cheekbones and a sharp jawline drawing you in.
You couldn’t help but feel they look familiar, somehow. You’d seen their faces before, somewhere, but you pushed that to the back of your mind for now.
It wouldn’t hurt to let them sit with you, right? They seem friendly enough, and it’s better to entertain them in case things go south should you reject their request. With a small, tired smile, you nod.
“Sure thing, fellas.” They both plop down on either side of you and the blonde immediately gets talking.
“So what’s the occasion, little listener?” Two thoughts came to mind. One, how did he know there was any occasion, two, what kind of pet name is ‘little listener’? Your confusion must have shown on your face, because the raven haired man spoke up.
“You’re pretty dolled up for a night at the bar, kitten.” Ah. So they had been watching you. You aren’t wearing anything that would normally be considered ‘dolled up’. Your tan sweater and black skirt are relatively plain, and the platform boots you’re wearing accompanied by your thigh-high socks are something you’re experimenting with.
But usually you entered the bar with a white button-up and black slacks from your job as a waitress. Today you had time to go home and pamper yourself a bit before heading to your usual drinking spot. Evidently, they noticed. You bring your glass up to your lips and gulp down the remaining liquid before entertaining the question.
“Nothing special. Call it a birthday party.” And hey, you mean it when you say it isn’t special. Your birthday only marks yet another routine year on this earth. The blonde nudges your shoulder with his own.
“I’d say that’s pretty special, sunshine!” The alcohol must be affecting you, because you chuckle a bit at his enthusiasm.
“Just another year gone by, you know?” You’re never this talkative sober. The man on your right rapped his knuckles on the bartop, the barkeep making his way over with a tired smile.
“One more glass for this pretty kitty here.” The name had your eyebrows raising.
“This one’s on me.” As the fresh glass was sat on the bartop you scoffed quietly.
“Kitty?” A deep hum came from the man.
“Well how would you describe yourself, kitten?” Somewhere in your muddled brain you warned yourself not to be self-deprecating on your 25th birthday. You didn’t listen.
“Definitely not feline. I’m short and chunky and the only thing cat-like about me is my posture and eyeliner,” you stated, matter-of-factly. As a waitress at an esteemed high-end restaurant, you had to learn to be quick on your feet, agile, and most importantly, poised. A hum comes from the blonde, a muttered ‘pretty and humble’ floating on his breath. You force a chuckle at the statement.
“Pretty is also a word I wouldn’t use to describe myself.” A short silence falls between the three of you, and you take the time to study their faces. Where had you seen them before? You’re certain if you’d met them before you’d remember them, you don’t tend to forget attractive people.
They’re oddly patient as they watch the cogs in your brain turn, your eyes taking in every detail of every feature. Your breath caught and your eyes went wide when you’d finally placed their faces.
“Present Mic and Eraserhead. You’re pro heroes.” The words are quiet, nearly imperceptible as you breathe them, but they’re close enough to hear. Present Mic beams at the recognition.
“In the flesh, sunshine. But we’d prefer you use our names.” Eraserhead leans away and sticks a hand out for a handshake.
“Shouta Aizawa.” You shake his hand and turn to the blonde, who similarly has his hand held out.
“Hizashi Yamada.” You introduce yourself, a bit shaky and only slightly starstruck. What in the world are two pro heroes doing talking to you? As you regain your composure you excuse yourself to the restroom. You weren’t prepared to talk to heroes tonight. A glance in the mirror has you sobering yourself, rationalizing their strange behavior. These two are pro heroes. They were clearly only worried about your safety, a woman all alone in a bar till the earliest hours of the morning. ‘That’s why they were watching me’, you muse. You quickly fix yourself, then step back out to the two heroes.
The three of you pass another hour of time before you decide it’s time for you to head home. They offer to give you a lift, but you politely decline. You can't intrude on them any more than you already had. Hizashi insists otherwise.
“Please Sunshine? If something were to happen to you we’d never forgive ourselves!” It made sense to you. They’re pro heroes after all, it’s in their nature to worry. So you oblige to ease their anxieties.
Since Shouta hadn’t touched any alcohol, he’s driving, and you punch your address into the GPS system of their very expensive looking car. As you sit back, Hizashi holds a bottle over his head.
“Water?” You thank him and drain the bottle, realizing you’re a bit more dehydrated than you initially thought. In your semi-drunk haze you fail to notice that the bottle had already been opened, and you miss Shouta’s eyes watching you down the beverage through the rearview mirror.
It’s only five minutes later you feel drowsy, your head lolling to the side and eyelids drooping. You don’t quite register the question Hizashi asks you, and when you don’t answer he turns around to look at you.
“You seem tired, Sunshine. Take a nap, we’ll wake you up when we get there.” Your exhaustion takes hold over any rational thoughts, and with a sleepy nod, you stretch out over the backseat and let your mind slip into unconsciousness, blissfully unaware you’ll never see your apartment again.
The first thing you notice as you wake up is how stiff and sore your muscles are. It takes you a moment to realize you aren’t in your clothes from last night, nor are you in your own bed. Your eyes snap open and you sit up, taking in the unfamiliar room. With a curse under your breath you scour your memory for anything, checking if you’d gone home with anyone or gotten yourself in a tight situation. The last thing you remember is being driven home by the two pros, then passing out in their backseat.
Questions began forming in your mind. ‘Where am I? How did I get here? Where had the two heroes gone?’ In an attempt to think clearer, you try crossing your legs, but your ankle is stopped short by something heavy. Throwing off the blanket, a thick metal cuff glinted in the light of the room, an equally thick chain leading somewhere over the side of the bed.
When your breathing begins to quicken, you settle your mind, refusing to panic. Willing yourself to relax, you begin to think about how you can get out of this situation. ‘Today should be Saturday. Assuming this room is part of a house, someone would most likely still be here’. With a small breath, you speak, hopefully loud enough for someone to hear you.
“H-hello? Is someone there?” It only takes a few seconds for footsteps to reach your ears, and the door opens to the last person you’re expecting to see. A ruggedly handsome Shouta Aizawa stands in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe with a small smirk on his lips.
“Good morning, Kitty.” As endearing as the pet name is, the only emotion you feel right now is confusion. Your mind is drifting to all the fanfiction you’d read online, piecing together the events of last night like a puzzle. ‘The bottle of water was already open’. In your defense, they’re pro heroes, it’s only natural for you-- or anyone, really-- to let your guard down. A large hand on your shoulder jolts you back to reality, your eyes wide as you stare up at Shouta like a deer in headlights.
“You okay Kitten?” All you can manage as you settle your thoughts is to blink up at the man, swallowing down the lump in your throat before letting out a shaky breath.
“Let me guess. I’m home now, aren’t I?” The man stares back down at you with subtly raised eyebrows before chuckling softly.
“That’s not the reaction I was expecting, but I can’t say I’m mad about it. You’re a smart little kitty, aren’t you.” He leaves you to your thoughts and your mind begins reeling once again. You understand this is wrong, that you shouldn’t be so willing, so obedient. You also know how boring your life has been up until now. How mundane and lonely you’d been for as long as you can remember.
You’d cut ties with your family long ago, and ‘friend’ is a very loose term. Most of the people you called friends are acquaintances at best, your antisociality and trust issues meant ‘making friends’ is not on your life agenda. Somehow you knew, deep down, you wanted something like this to happen. You longed to give up control, to let someone else string you along and take the reins and let you relax, not have to worry about anything anymore. That side of you tended to make itself known through your explorative late teen years.
You’d had romantic partners before, though once anything intimate came up they all refused to associate with you anymore. They couldn’t understand your want to give up control, your need to submit. They refused to collar you ‘like an animal’. None of your partners ever understood the weight behind such a garment. This may be your chance at the relationship you’d always craved, regardless of its twisted nature.
Then there’s the logical side, the chances of you actually escaping. As a quirkless human in the presence of two trained pro heroes (assuming Hizashi is also in on this), the likelihood of you making it out is slim to nonexistent. If you somehow manage to get out, the two could easily track you down and just as easily drag you back. So, as wrong as it seems, you don’t fight it.
Shouta returns with a tray of breakfast, setting it down on your lap after you’d adjusted yourself to lean against the headboard. As he pulls back you mumble a ‘thank you’ and begin to eat, acknowledging the pang of hunger in your belly. As weird as it seems to say ‘thank you’ to your captor, you find it could be helpful even if only a little. Being polite is automatic, but it’s also a great way to make sure you don’t end up injured, or worse, dead somewhere, so for once in a long time your manners are intended. You’d gotten halfway through your meal when Shouta speaks up.
“You’re taking this really well.” He almost seems skeptical. You peer up at him as you finish the food in your mouth.
“There isn’t much use panicking. I’d only end up hurting myself. Besides, it’s not like I can get out.” You motion to the cuff around your ankle and he gives a small chuckle.
“You’re not wrong, kitten.” He leaves to let you finish breakfast, returning ten minutes later and taking your empty tray. He comes back right after, a pair of handcuffs and a blindfold in hand.
“I’m sure you need to use the bathroom.” You give a small nod, acknowledging the pressure in your bladder for the first time since you woke up. Gently, he takes your wrists and locks the cuffs around them, then holds up the blindfold before going to tie it around your head.
“These are just a precaution.” Soon you feel the cuff on your ankle fall away, and Shouta’s strong arms loop under your knees and back as he lifts you off the bed.You’re both surprised and not that he can lift you with relative ease. He is a pro hero after all. It takes less than 30 seconds for him to stop and gently place you down, taking the blindfold and cuffs off.
“I’ll be waiting just outside the door. Once you’re done, knock and I’ll take you back to bed.” You nod and he leaves, locking the door once he’s outside. Of course it locks from the outside. You take a moment to just think about your current predicament. Currently you’re locked in the house of a pro hero, being kept against your will (sort of). Your life had just taken an unexpected turn.
You knock on the door like Shouta said, and it isn’t long before you’re back on the bed with the cuff around your ankle. As he turns to leave you stop him, and he turns back to you with a quirked eyebrow.
“Can I...draw?” You didn’t know if he’d actually let you have anything, but it was worth a shot. If you were to be cooped up here you need to keep yourself occupied. With a low hum, he leaves the room and comes back with a sketch pad, pencil, and eraser.
Days come and go with either of the pros serving you three meals a day. They begin questioning your obedience, especially Hizashi. He questioned your lack of panic and how you never seemed to try to escape. Even he knows this isn’t normal. Shouta seems less skeptical, like he’d expected less of a fight than any normal, sane person would give. When Hizashi asked questions you answered truthfully. Lying is of no use to you.
“Really, I don’t mind it here. So far my life has been pretty shitty and boring, so this turn of events is mildly appreciated. Besides, you treat me relatively well, considering I’m being held captive, so I can’t say I’m upset.” You’d guessed from both your reading and their actions that they truly believed they cared about you. The chances of them hurting you are slim, so you’re able to live with them without fear.
The cuff around your ankle came off about a week in, and Shouta gave you the freedom to roam the house, though it wasn’t without warning. He held his hand out to you, an offer to help you stand, and you took it. Slowly, you swing your legs over the side of the bed and shift your weight to your feet. Your legs shake like a newborn fawn, but Shouta held you to let you stretch your legs and get comfortable walking again.
He led you out to what you assume is the dining table and sat you down, Shouta taking the seat on your right. You assume Hizashi is in the kitchen, what with the clatter and smell of food. Shouta asked what you’d been drawing, which caught you a bit off guard, but you answered anyway.
“Koi fish.” He hummed, focused on you.
“Any particular reason why?” You take a moment to think about your answer, it’s not a question you’re used to responding to.
“Well they’re gorgeous creatures. Elegant, sleek and graceful. The way they move is so mesmerizing, smooth and flawless like a flowing creek. I’ve always loved drawing koi.”
The conversation lapses into your fascination with the fish, how they somehow remind you of dragons and how the fantastical creature’s existence isn’t as far-fetched as it’s made out to be. Hizashi joins soon enough, serving dinner and listening in on the conversation.
Once you all finish eating you get comfortable on the couch, nestled between the two men. It isn’t long before you drift off to sleep, their body heat lulling you into dreamland. Shouta carries you to bed, carefully laying you down and pressing a light kiss to your temple. He stands above you, admiring your features as you sleep.
You’re gorgeous to him, a goddess in your own right. He and his blonde counterpart had started watching you mainly because you were a woman, completely alone and seemingly unarmed in a bar until the earliest hours of the morning. Neither of them could tell if you were quirkless or not, and as heroes they made sure to keep an eye on you during their weekly trip to the bar should you get into any trouble.
But eventually it became a habit to look for you, and the more they looked the farther they fell. You looked as exhausted as Shouta every time you stepped through the doors, hair just beginning to lose its style and shoulders sagged. But you were so beautiful, even in your exhausted state. Hizashi was the first to mention his infatuation to Shouta, but the raven-haired man had already figured the blonde was into you.
Soon enough they began to get antsy, constantly watching you walk out the door into the dead of night all alone. You’re just too trusting of the world outside, not taking enough precautions for a woman of your caliber. They made it their mission to make sure you were safe, and one day, take you back home where they could protect you.
Now that you’re here, it’s like a dream. Even as you sleep you’re the most beautiful thing in the world. How your lashes flutter against your cheeks, the way your lips softly part with every breath, how your chest gently rises and falls, it all makes him stare down at you in complete awe. It takes a great deal of willpower for him to tear his eyes away from you and join Hizashi in their room.
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***3 months later***
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A couple months have passed since you’d...moved in with the two men, and you can’t say you hate it. They’ve respected your privacy, allowing you to stay in your own room and letting you bathe yourself after refusing their attempts at persuading you to join them. Honestly it’s been nice living with them.
Though, the longer you’re with them the more thoughts begin gathering and swirling in your head. Caring thoughts, how their days progress, how they’re feeling at any point in time. And needy, dirty thoughts. Any time those pop up you make it a point to push them deep down into the farthest recesses of your brain, refusing to fuel those pesky embers.
Somewhere in the back of your mind you know what’s happening, what’s been happening. You’re no stranger to Stockholm Syndrome, having done your own minimal research on the subject a few years back. You constantly tell yourself this isn’t normal, nor is it healthy, to enjoy the company of your captors. You have to remind yourself that they had taken you from everything you knew, and even though there wasn’t much for you to love, they’d taken you from that as well.
But soon enough the illogical prevailed, because despite all of that, the two have been nothing but good to you.
In no time at all the days you spend alone in the large house are the days you find yourself missing their company, hoping they’d return sooner. You managed to dig through their clothes and pick out some of their older t-shirts, and began wearing them around the house. Their lingering scents have been a comfort as you patiently wait for them to come back. They don’t seem to mind at all, so you’re content.
As time passes you get closer with them, gravitating toward them and snuggling into either of their sides, letting them wrap an arm around you and tug you into them. You began giving kisses when they left and returned, a small peck on the cheek at the door. The first time you had engaged a kiss was a shock to both of them.
You had tugged Shouta’s sleeve and when he turned you silently grabbed his collar and yanked him down, leaving a small peck on his cheek, doing the same with Hizashi. They barely had the time to react before you dashed to your room and curled under the blankets, face heated and heart pounding like some schoolgirl who had confessed to her crush and got a positive response. That night you’d received more cuddles and kisses than normal.
The kisses became routine, and before long you all slept in the same bed. Strangely enough, life began to feel somewhat normal. The house began to feel like home.
And soon enough that schoolgirl crush manifested into something dirty, something lustful and carnal. Just as much as you long to be around them, you want desperately to feel their hands on your bare skin, mapping out the curves of your body as you writhe beneath them. You crave them and their touch. But of course you still have your pride. Dropping hints would have to suffice.
Slowly, subtly, you dress lighter, more scantily. No shorts under their t-shirts that barely cover your ass, allowing the stretched collars to drop and expose the slightest peek of skin. After a shower you walk back to the room in nothing but a towel, allowing the edge to ride up your thighs. Your tactics seemed to work, their eyes glued to the newly exposed skin, soaking in your plush thighs and soft skin. Their stares make you ache, but after weeks of nothing but lingering glances you decide to toss your pride out the window.
You have dinner ready when they walk in the door, and after everyone had eaten and showered you usher them both to the couch while you sit facing them from the coffee table. Their confusion is evident on their faces, your nervous fidgeting and reluctance to look them in the eyes didn’t help. What you’re about to bring up is embarrassing to say the least, but staying silent would be a detriment to your sanity. With a steadying breath, you meet their gaze and quietly force out your seemingly ridiculous request.
“So… I enjoy being here with you,” your fingers twist into the hem of your shirt and you swallow down the lump in your throat, “and I really appreciate that you’ve given me anything I asked for-”
“No.” Shouta’s voice suddenly cuts off your sentence.
“You can’t go outside, Kitten. I’m sorry, but that’s non-negotiable right now.” You blink dumbly at him, completely thrown off balance by his statement before you catch yourself, waving your hands frantically in front of you.
“No! Oh god, that’s not…um…. I wasn’t asking to go outside. I love being here, with you, and doing whatever but...it’s what we don’t do...that’s bothering me...just a little bit…” By now your voice is so quiet and high-pitched you wonder if they can even hear you. Hizashi, bless his heart, is just as confused as before the conversation started.
“Sunshine, you aren’t making much sense. If you think about it, there’s actually a lot we don’t do.” Shouta holds a hand up, silencing the blonde. His dark eyes drag over your body, watching the way your thighs almost imperceptibly rub together and you can’t meet his gaze. You squirm, the intensity in his eyes something you aren’t used to but it makes you hot all over. His hand comes down on his thigh twice.
“Come here, Kitty.” Slowly, you stand and walk to him, letting his hands grab your hips and pull you down to straddle his lap. A finger curls under your chin, angling your head to look Shouta in the eyes. A small smirk pulls the corner of his mouth, a moment of realization flashing across his face.
“Our little Kitty is getting needy ‘Zashi. Isn’t that right, Kitten?” Heat flooded your face, your embarrassment and arousal sending hot blood to your face and chest. You squeeze your eyes shut and nod, hoping they’d do something about the very horny state you’re in. Shouta’s hand moves to your hip again, lifting you and placing you in Hizashi’s lap before standing and walking away.
The blonde cooed at the surprised squeak you let out at the sudden movement, and you open your eyes to his wide grin. Leaning forward, he wraps his arms around your waist and presses his lips to yours in a sweet kiss. It feels nice, and you let your body melt into him and his warmth, his long fingers digging into the flesh of your lower back as he tugs you closer and a pleasant haze settles over your mind.
It’s a blissful moment shared between you, and Shouta returns just as Hizashi pulls away from the kiss. They share a look you can’t place before the former raises a hand to gently stroke your arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake. He seems conflicted, trying to mull over some sort of decision in his brain, his brows just barely drawn and jaw set. When his eyes dropped to his other hand, yours followed, to find he held a long thin black velvet box. Clearly it holds some sort of jewelry.
After a few moments he turns it to you and lifts the lid, and your heart damn near stops beating. Whether it’s from excitement or a brief flash of fear, you don’t know. These two have been watching you for much longer than just at the bar. Those few months are only the tip of the iceberg, but how they’d come to notice you would probably forever remain a mystery to you.
Right now, all that matters is that they know everything. From your failed relationships to the reason they’d all ended. They had to know, that’s the only explanation. There’s no possible way it’s pure coincidence that you now gaze down at a beautifully crafted leather collar. It’s simple, thin, black dotted sparsely with sparkling gems and a dainty metal ring centered at the front. Tentatively, you reach out and trace the leather with your fingers.
“Is this...for me?” A deep hum sounds in Shouta’s chest, and that’s answer enough for you. Shouta plucks the garment from its seat and moves behind you. The cool leather feels heavenly as he loops it around your neck, his fingers brushing your skin. Everything seemed to go quiet as you waited for something, anything, to solidify this moment.
Click.
You shudder out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. Shouta tilts your head and presses his lips to yours, looping a finger through the collar and giving a gentle tug. It makes you mewl, allowing him space to slip his tongue behind your teeth. He can see your pupils dilate when he pulls away, plush lips slick with saliva, lust invading your mind. You look so needy and desperate for them, so fucking gorgeous.
Hizashi leaves a kiss on your cheek then picks you up and places you on your feet. Both men grab either of your hands, lacing their fingers with yours, and gently pull you with them to the bedroom. Hizashi begins undressing first, and you can only let your eyes drag over his bare upper body for a moment before Shouta grabs your chin and distracts you with another kiss. This one is more passionate, heated, rough as his tongue effortlessly invades and dominates your mouth. Hizashi’s voice permeates your lust-filled haze.
“Come here, baby.” Shouta pulls away and allows you to walk over to where the blonde sits naked on the edge of the bed. He motions for you to turn around and you oblige, then he grabs your hips and pulls you back to sit in his lap, your back pressed to his chest. You watch as Shouta undresses, baring his skin to you as Hizashi tasks himself with undressing you.
Your shirt is the first to be removed, a groan spilling from the blonde when he discovers you aren’t wearing a bra. He pulls you flush against his chest, peppering wet kisses down your neck and shoulders as your eyes roam over Shouta’s sculpted frame. The raven haired man makes his way over, kneeling down between your legs and reaching up to toy with your breasts, rough fingers working your nipples until they peak. Hizashi’s hands find their way down to the pouch of your stomach, grabbing at the soft pliant flesh and squishing the fat there.
You let out a low whine, feeling extremely self-conscious with his hands working at the parts of your body you hate the most. You grab at his wrists in an attempt to pull him away, but he hushes you and whispers into your ear, his breath hot on your neck.
“It’s okay, pretty baby. Let me feel you.” You will yourself to let him go, let his hands explore your body the way he wants. He keeps his hands on your belly, long fingers massaging into your skin.
“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” He’s nipping and kissing at your neck, whispering praises into your ear as he fondles all the fatty parts of you.
Shouta’s hands reach up and tug your panties down, then grip your thighs and pull them apart, exposing you to his hungry eyes. You can’t help but feel exposed, uncomfortable, as they touch and gaze at every part of yourself you had always despised. A whimper builds in your chest, tears beginning to sting your eyes and your breath shaking. Hizashi leans over and kisses your tears away as Shouta leans forward and kisses at your belly and thighs, hands working at whatever flesh he couldn’t get his lips on.
“Let us love you. All of you. You’re such a pretty kitty.” You let yourself relax, let yourself relish in the fact that these two gorgeous men are doting over your body like you’re a goddess, like they couldn’t live if they didn’t worship every one of your perfect imperfections. Though you’re far from comfortable, the initial fear subsides, allowing them full access to you.
“Good girl kitty, good girl.” Shouta whispers as he nips at your thighs, sucking little red marks into your skin. He hooks your legs over Hizashi’s, and the blonde’s fingers dip down to tease your folds, barely breaching your little hole and making you buck for more friction. A soft moan slips from your lips as he pushes two long fingers into your soaked pussy.
You rock your hips into his hand, his palm barely brushing against your clit making you mewl. Shouta focuses his attention on your breasts and belly where Hizashi left bare, kneading and kissing and licking, leaving blooming marks all over your skin. Soon you feel a knot form in your stomach, tightening and burning impossibly hot. Hizashi feels your pussy clenching around his fingers and quickens his pace, grinding his palm down against your clit hard and curling his fingers to hit that spot that has you seeing stars.
When the knot snaps you’re falling apart on Hizashi’s lap, back arched and legs shaking. You throw your head back against his shoulder and cry out, pleasure racking your body in intense waves. Hizashi keeps moving his fingers inside you, letting you ride out your high, legs trembling and toes curling with the continued stimulation.
After your release you relax back down, chest heaving with every breath. Hizashi lifts you up and lays you down on the bed, Shouta crawling up over you and kissing you sweetly. He grabs your legs and wraps them around his waist, lining up his painfully hard erection with your throbbing pussy.
“Are you ready for me kitty?” You look up at him through your lashes and nod fervently, needing him desperately despite the sensitivity. He tugs at your collar gently.
“Use your words kitty cat. Are you ready for me?” Your eyes widen slightly and you answer without any real thought.
“Yes Daddy.” Shouta growls at the name and swears under his breath, thrusting his hips forward and bottoming out all at once. The air is punched from your lungs, the stretch around his thick length almost enough to make you cum a second time. Shouta leans down and kisses at the bruises Hizashi had left on your neck, giving you some time to adjust. It only takes a few moments for your walls to stop clamping down on him.
“I’m going to move now kitty. Relax for me.” He starts slow, groaning as he watches his length slide in and out of you.
Your warmth feels so good around his cock, and he moves faster, driving his cock so deep you swear you can feel him in your throat. Hizashi lays down next to you and puts two fingers into your mouth, your tongue sliding over them, coating them in your saliva.
He pulls them out and goes to rub your clit, leaning over and placing open mouth kisses along your collarbone, sucking new bruises onto your skin. Your legs quake with the quick building pleasure, your second orgasm creeping up fast. Suddenly both men stop their movements, Shouta pulling your body flush against him and sitting up.
Lithe, cold fingers suddenly dance around your back entrance, toying with your puckered hole. A single finger pushes in and you mewl and squirm at the new sensation. A second finger works its way in, the two digits working to stretch you gently. Soon there’s a third, and when you’re relaxed the fingers are gone and replaced by the thick head of Hizashi’s cock.
“You ready, sweet thing?” You nod and whine, a little weary but ready to be full of the two men. He slowly inches his way inside, shallow thrusts sinking him deeper until his hips are flush with your ass. Both men pepper wet kisses along your shoulders, giving you time to relax, but you don’t need it. You whine, wiggle your hips in an attempt to get them to move, and they oblige.
Their initial pace is slow, letting you feel every ridge and vein as they slip in and out of you. They build up a rhythm, when one is bottomed out the other has only the tip in, and soon you’re drooling from the amount of stimulation you’re getting. Hizashi’s fingers move down to work at your clit, and just the slightest touch has you trembling. The stimulation shoves you over the edge and has you cumming hard around them, your slick dripping down your thighs. They slow their pace slightly, your holes clamping down on them and attempting to milk them dry. Hizashi’s fingers rub your clit harder, overstimulating you.
“Do you have one more for us baby? I know you can cum one more time for us.” You whine, thrashing in their arms trying to simultaneously get away and tug them closer. Tears fall down your cheeks and a familiar tension fills the pit of your stomach and Shouta leans over and bites down on your shoulder. The pain pulls you over, crying out as you clamp down on their lengths hard. Their hips stutter as they chase their own release, and they shoot rope after rope of cum into you as you ride out your own high.
They still their movements, holding you and each other close. After a few moments they pull out together, the movement making you moan and tremble. Your body goes limp and Shouta pulls you to lean against him, stroking your hair and back. You’re sobbing softly into Shouta’s shoulder, your last release washing over your body almost painfully, your bones already beginning to ache. Shouta rubs your back softly and Hizashi peppers soft kisses along your shoulders, both cooing praises in your ears.
Shouta picks you up and the three of you go over to the bathroom, where Hizashi plugs the drain and turns on the tap to fill the large tub with hot water. Shouta climbs in and sits down, still cradling you, and the slowly rising water begins to soothe you. Hizashi pulls out a tube of ointment and rubs it onto Shouta’s back, relieving the scratch marks you left on him. After tending to Shouta he unlocks your collar and sinks into the tub, leaning against you. You let the two massage you and wash you, bringing you back from the intense scene.
“You okay kitten?” Shouta rumbles into your ear, petting your hair. You nod into his shoulder and grab Hizashi’s hand, wanting to be close to the both of them. The hot water and the care of the two bring you back down to earth, and you start to feel fatigue pulling at your consciousness. Hizashi notices you drifting off and takes you from Shouta. He dries you off with a towel and locks your collar back around your neck.
“Sho, I’m going to take her to bed. When you’re ready come join us.” Shouta hums and Hizashi carries you to bed.
You lay with Hizashi and cuddle into his chest, letting him hold you and rock you as you drift off. After a few minutes you feel the bed behind you dip and look up at Shouta with half lidded eyes. He gives you a peck on the lips before nuzzling against your back. With a long, soft sigh you melt into their arms, content with the new life you’d been brought into.
#erasermic#yandere erasermic#erasermic x reader#yandere erasermic x reader#erasermic smut#erasermic mha#erasermic bnha#shouta aizawa#shouta aizawa x reader#shouta aizawa smut#hizashi yamada#hizashi yamada x reader#hizashi yamada smut#shouta aizawa mha#shouta aizawa bnha#hizashi yamada mha#hizashi yamada bnha
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Clementia
Anniversary Request Special
Description: You’d always had a special place in your heart for Lee Minho even though he gives you countless reasons to hate him. How long will your patience last?
Warning: alcohol, sexual assault
Word Count: 2.5k
Pairing: fem!reader x Minho
“Y/N—”
“Go away, Minho.”
“Y/N, look at me.”
“I said no!”
“Well I said I’m sorry.”
You snap around to face him. “Sorry isn’t going to cut it, Lee Minho. You screwed up. You. Screwed. Up. I gave you one request, and you couldn’t even do that.”
“I had my reasons!” he protests.
“Yeah? Well let’s hear them.”
He emits a few noises but can't come up with anything. His face flushes red, but not as red as yours.
“There’s no excuse for breaking someone’s heart ever. Remember that.” You turn on your heels and begin walking away until he says something even more repulsive.
“Why do you care so much? She’s not even your real sister!” he calls after you.
You pause, unable to comprehend how such words could ever enter your ears. You then slowly walk back to him as he stiffens with every step you take.
“Not my real sister?” Your voice is soft, but it is effective.
“I mean—”
“You’re saying the girls at Epsilon Phi aren’t sisters?” Your voice begins to rise. “We’re more sisters than you and I were ever friends, Lee Minho! We love each other more than biological families do, but of course you wouldn’t know how that feels, would you? All you have in your chest is a cold, hard piece of coal!”
You turn away and break off into a run this time. Tears stream down your face from being insulted and betrayed by someone you held with high esteem.
You like Lee Minho. Of course, you’d never admit that. To the world, he is just some kid of your mom’s friend who annoyed you to no end, but through the arguments and time spent trying to prove each other wrong, your feelings grew bit by bit. When he had a relationship with your very own Little, you held in your feelings and wished them both the best. After all, you love both of them, and their happiness together was good enough for you.
That is, until Minho broke things off as nothing but a fling.
Minho has always been a huge flirt, but he’d promised to take her seriously this time. You made him swear it, and you emphasized how much your Little meant to you. Now, because you’re his family friend, your Little won’t even speak to you. Minho had ruined your and her relationship, and evidently yours and his too.
He didn’t used to be like this, all manipulative and amorous. You remember he used to follow you at the heel, caring about nothing more than sticking gum in your hair. It wasn’t until senior year of high school did he start hanging out with random girls and trying daredevilish things. You missed the old Minho, but you thought you’d accept him for all his changes since you did, after all, like him.
Until this moment, that is.
What he did was too much. What he said was too much. You know he is becoming toxic, and if he is going to continue down this path, even your love isn’t going to bring him back to your heart.
Minho watches your waning back then slams his fist against a nearby tree with a curse. You didn’t give him enough time to explain, not that he would have been able to in front of you.
You’d forgive him though, right? You have to. When he messed up before this, Minho could be sure you would. But now, he isn’t so certain. He has never seen you so angry and disappointed before, and he did that to you. Him. Minho lets out another string of curses and trudges back to his room.
He tries making it up to you the very next morning. He shows up to your 8 AM class with a cup of coffee and slides it onto your desk before sitting down himself.
You don’t even look at him. You just take the cup and slam it down in front of him, causing its contents to spill and burn your fingers. He quickly takes your hand in his and begins wiping it with his sleeve, but you recoil your arm and take out your own napkin.
The next place he tries is at your neighboring frat party. He knows you would be there, so he wears his tightest black jeans and a loose button-up. This trick has worked with other girls, so he hopes it would on you.
He takes the dance floor with his powerful dance moves and charisma. He can see you deliberately turned away from him and chatting with someone else, so he dances towards you. The cheering circle that has formed around him moves as well, engulfing you into the crowd.
You finally turn to make sure you don’t bump into anyone. Minho takes this chance to shoot you a wink which draws the crowd’s attention to you. They cheer and push you towards him despite your protests.
Minho takes your arm and leads you in the dance. You used to like dancing with him; your and his flow matches perfectly, and the two of you could revive a dying party just by dancing together. Today though, you just aren’t having it.
Minho puts a hand on your shoulder and scoops his hips low earning a cheer from the crowd. You can hear them calling your name, anticipating your response. You look down at Minho and immediately recognize his choice of clothing.
I wonder who’s going to have her heart broken tomorrow, you think with a dry laugh. Minho flinches, recognizing that sound. You take his falter as a chance to fling his arm off of you before walking away.
A chorus of oohs fills the room, and the crowd splits like the Red Sea for you.
You hear your name from his lips again. “Y/N!” It is more strained now than it was last night. Desperate. Defeated.
You gave him some thought after hearing the sincerity in his tone, but you are glad you did not turn around that night when you see him in class with some other girl on his lap. Whatever. He’s dead to you now, so why should you care what he’s doing?
Minho watches as you walk farther and farther from him. He pushes the girl off and continues to stare with narrowed eyes at you as you greet your new seat neighbors.
This isn’t how he predicted you would react. Truthfully, he kind of knew this attempt wouldn’t work. For one, it hadn’t worked once since he first tried it in high school. He thought hanging out with other girls would make him more attractive, more desirable by competition. At least, that’s what some then-college kids told him. Once he started, he just found himself unable to stop. It was a self-feeding cycle, really. Holding onto other girls and charming them numbs the void in his chest, but you ignore him whenever he acts like this which only further widens the gap.
What is he to do though? This is the only life he knows, and so, it is the life he leads. Not all love stories can end happily.
And his sure doesn’t seem like it is going to.
Sirens wail in the background. With the amount of girls he’s fooled around with, he kind of had it coming. Minho stares at his wrists, not daring to think, but one thought keeps recurring in his mind: you. He is going to disappoint you yet again. You already hate him, and now you are going to see him handcuffed too.
The cold wind makes him shiver when you, his emergency contact, open the door and step into the station. Your eyes immediately find him, and you make your way over.
“Y/—”
“Are you hurt?” you ask plainly.
Despite your icy tone, those three simple words fill him with a warmth he hasn’t known for a long time.
“I’m okay.” His hands reach forward, wanting to grab yours and keep you with him, but you’ve already walked away to announce your arrival to an officer.
“Miss L/Y Y/N?” a young official greets a little too enthusiastically. She looks familiar, you note.
“Yes, I am she.”
The officer looks pleased by your annoyed attitude towards the defendant. “Mister Lee is here tonight because of an accusation by Miss Choi of assault,” she informs you coyly.
You look at him. “Minho,” you said with a chilled voice. “Is it true?”
“No! Y/N, I wouldn’t—”
“It’s okay. I believe you.”
“Excuse me?” the officer sputters.
“I believe him,” you repeat. “He’s been going out with more people than I have fingers, but he never laid a finger on them.”
“But Y/N, that doesn’t mean he can’t start now,” the officer protests. “You’re his contact, but you hate him now. Surely, he’s changed”
“First of all, it’s Miss L/N to you, Officer” —you read her name tag and pieces begin to fall together from her eagerness to convict Minho to the inkling you felt the moment you saw her— “Yoo. And secondly, is it not against the law for you to be working on a case where your cousin’s the accuser?”
“How did you—!”
“Nothing escapes us Epsilon Phi sisters, even news from other sororities. Besides, Minho never plays with the same girl twice. As expected, this report is filed for an incident two months ago. You, Officer Yoo, knew I was his contact and waited for us to get into yet another fight before having your cousin put in the accusation, didn’t you?”
She scoffs in your face. “That’s a bold accusation from yourself towards law enforcement.”
“Where is the accuser right now? Shouldn’t she be here for interrogation as well?”
“Well she—” the officer looks increasingly flustered. “She needs rest after having to relive the memories of what happened. We’ll call her in tomorrow. Anyway, Mr. Lee Minho, I can hear your testimony now in room #3.”
Minho stands obediently.
“Wait. I request someone else interrogate him,” you object.
“We’re busy right now,” Officer Yoo huffs. “We can’t just let you choose who does the job.”
You cross your arms. “Sure. Interrogate him and have the entire case be nulled after I file a conflict of interest.”
Officer Yoo grits her teeth but returns to her station to call for another officer.
In the meantime, you turn to Minho. “Don’t answer anything you don’t want to, especially if they start leading you on with questions. It’s in your rights to remain silent, alright?”
Minho nods numbly at your words, still confused as to why you are so nice to him. Before he can figure it out though, an older man appears from the back and takes him to an interrogation room.
“Mr. Lee Minho?”
“Yes.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Chief Jeon. I’m just going to ask you a few questions today; is that alright?”
“Yes.”
The chief nods and pulls out some papers. “Would you mind describing what happened with Miss Choi?”
“Well I was with—” he gestures towards the papers with his accuser’s name on it— “and we were hitting it off. She bought me a couple of drinks and at some point leaned in to kiss me. I realized something at that point, and I stopped her. She got angry, saying how she spent all that cash on alcohol for me, and threatened to accuse me of assault if I didn’t do what she said, but I knew I couldn’t do it.”
“Because of what you realized?” the chief repeats.
“... Yes.”
“And what was it you realized?”
“Do I have to say it?”
“According to the law, no, but if it can help you with your case, you might want to.”
Minho fidgets with his cuffs. “They can’t hear me from outside, right?”
“No. They most certainly cannot.”
And so, Minho tells him.
Minho turns around while the metal bars clang shut behind him. The chief thinks he has a pretty good chance, but due to the gravity of the accusation, they still decided to keep Minho in holding to give the accuser more time to make her case.
You stare at him from the other side, arms crossed. Minho takes the fact that you’re still here at two in the morning as a good sign for him.
“Thanks for being here,” he tries to start a conversation.
“I didn’t really have a choice.” So cold.
“I’ll change my emergency contact.”
“Please do.”
He winces. “Look… Y/N, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for insulting your sisterhood and for hurting your Little. You’ll forgive me, won’t you?”
He looks at you with those doe-like eyes of his. For once, you don’t feel anything while looking back at them.
“That’s not why I’m mad anymore. In fact, I’m not even mad,” you tell him. “My Little told me what really happened. She told me that she was actually the one who dumped you after you adamantly refused to kiss her. I asked some other girls you’ve seen and they all said the same thing. That’s why I was so confident with the officer earlier. I guess I owe you an apology for getting angry when you weren’t at fault.”
“Then”—he holds out a hand sheepishly— “truce?”
You look at it but keep your arms crossed. “Taking a step back from you has made me see things I wasn’t able to before, Minho, and that’s made me realize how much you’ve changed. You were my friend, my rival— someone who never failed to get on my nerves but also someone I couldn’t go without. But now” —you drop your arms and shake your head— “I can’t even recognize you anymore.”
You take a step back to leave. You’ve done this many times before, like when he stuck a plastic spider down your shirt or when he called you stupid in front of your crush in fifth grade, but something about this time feels different. Something about this time tells him you aren’t turning back around once you left.
A sudden despair grips Minho and he runs into the bars. “Wait!”
You pause, offering him one last second.
“Your Little,” he gasps, “did she tell you why I wouldn’t kiss her?”
You nod. “The others I asked did too. They said you were thinking about some other girl while you were with them.”
“Not ‘some other’ girl. One other girl.”
“I know.” You begin to walk again.
“Then why are you leaving?” He reaches a hand out, trying to grab any part of you. “Stay with me. Please, Y/N, stay.”
You don’t pause a second time. Out of desperation, he cries out, “Y/N, I love you!”
That makes you stop midstep. He holds his breath as you put one foot back then the other next to it to face him. You are so beautiful when you look at him. He melts under your gaze as you focus on him and only him. He’ll cherish you this time when you give him another chance. He’ll quit this playboy lifestyle. He won’t take advantage of your patience anymore. He’ll give you all that his heart has to offer. He’ll make sure you’re the only one in his eyes. He’ll love you. He loves you.
“Minho.” You relax your shoulders and straighten your back. You tilt your head just slightly forward and erase the edge off your tone. “I loved you.”
#lee minho#lee know#stray kids#stray kids fic#minho fic#lee know fic#stray kids imagine#lee know imagine#minho imagine#stray kids angst#lee know angst#skz#enemies to lovers#fem reader#2nd anniversary special#20210815
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v e l o c i t y - chapter viii
The one where John’s your true mate, but he doesn’t want you to be his.
In a universe where fate grants you a new mate whenever you lose yours, John has lived quite comfortably for many years with the knowledge that he was alone after Mary. That all comes crumbling down the second that he meets you. How could the universe choose someone so young to be his omega?
for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.
A/N: I think there’ll be just one more chapter to this story, but I don’t know if it’s coming next week!
John’s P.O.V.
“Omega.” The sound of her title made her stop in her tracks, but she still didn’t turn around to face me. It’d been like this for the last month or so. A game of hide and seek I had never agreed to play.
Although I was pretty sure if I asked her about it, she’d say I was the one who made up the rules in the first place.
“What do you want, John?” Hearing her address me directly after so many days of tense silence was inebriating, but her tone wasn’t what I wanted. I knew I deserved it though, and that is why I was subjecting myself to this.
“I want to talk.”
“That’s precious coming from you. Take such pride in being the silent, angry type. Or should I say the asshole type?” I scoffed, even though I deserved that. I deserved it all, I knew it.
But what I’d come to realize in these last few weeks that I had to endure practically without her was that I was nothing but a selfish bastard when it came to the woman before me.
“Would you just hear me out?” I asked, pulling the basket of dirty laundry she was holding and letting it fall on the floor before forcing her to turn around and look me in the eyes. She immediately crossed her arms in front of her, showing in every way she could that she was not in the mood to have any sort of conversation with me.
“Why should I? We’re not friends, you’re not my mate, as you’ve made abundantly clear by the way you’ve been treating me ever since we met. I don’t owe you anything, John Winchester. Much less time or even more of my energy.” Her words were like a slap to my face, and in my surprise, I let her pick up the basket and continue her walk towards the laundry room once more.
But not before I heard her last words. “Believe me, if I had anywhere else to go, I would have left a long time ago,” she mumbled almost to herself. “You must think I have no self-esteem whatsoever.”
That one hurt. It hurt because it was clear by the pain in her own voice that it was the truth. She would have left the bunker, she would have left this life behind without ever looking back because of the way I’d been treating her.
I couldn’t deal with that. So instead of accepting that reality, irritation coursed through my veins at the thought of her ever leaving.
“What about James?” I inquired, following her down the hall and finding her loading her clothes in the machine. She only turned around to face me after she was done with the task, crossing her arms once more as she leaned against the metal.
“What about James?” Y/N questioned, raising an eyebrow at me. “You’re not seriously suggesting you’d like me to join a gang, are you?” I didn’t have anything to say. I didn’t. I didn’t want her going anywhere, much less with him.
Suddenly, I was all too tired. I think it was visible because I deflated. My shoulders slumped, I looked down at my own feet as I rested my hands on my hips. “No, I’m not.” A short silence followed, and when I looked up at her again, it was to find her mouth-slacked, staring back at me.
“What?” At my question, she immediately shut her mouth before reopening again and then frowning. It was like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to say something or not. Finally - unfortunately - the latter option seemed to be the one she chose.
“Nevermind.” She turned around to fiddle with the buttons of the machine, like it wasn’t already on, and I knew what this was. This was a way out, an invitation for me to leave and let this conversation die like it had never even existed in the first place.
But I was tired.
“It’s hard to relax around you.” That was how my admission started, and even though it wasn’t planned, I didn’t hate it. I didn’t immediately feel like retreating, retracing all of my steps until suddenly I was out of the room and away from my own feelings.
No, I couldn’t run from them anymore. Not if I had any chance of making her want to stay.
“Why?” The question wasn’t unexpected, but it still made me sigh. I really hated making myself vulnerable, and any instance of sharing my thoughts and feelings felt like it for me.
“Well, first because every single part of my being is asking me to bend you over whatever’s nearest and just take you.” Our eyes met for the first time since I started really talking, and the meeting of our gazes was heavy, but not unwelcome. I’d take any sort of connection with her, any show of her willingness to forgive me. “Shit, you just have no idea how attractive you are.”
The corner of her lips turned up at my words, betraying just how much she liked to know about her effect on me, and I couldn’t help but mirror it as I kept going.
“And it’s not just because you’re my mate either,” I confessed, watching the surprise shine through her features. “It really is… you. And it’s so hard to control my reactions to you. I always get carried away, because I crave… I crave to be with you on a cellular level.”
I took a deep breath before finishing what I needed to say, the hardest of my admissions. “You’re the only one I want now, I know that. But I can’t accept that yet.”
“Why?” So maybe I was wrong. This was the hardest thing to confess, the hardest truth I’d have to face. This is what I’d been trying to run from, ever since that morning when she told me off.
Because I couldn’t forgive myself for it. And I feared the moment that she knew, she’d hate me forever. But it was time to say it.
“Because I know you, Y/N. I met you when you were still a kid, I played with you, I put you on my lap and made you giggle. You used to play with my beard and tell me I looked like a werewolf. I can’t just let that go.”
I braced myself for her reaction, anticipating the very worst. But she only looked at me with an amused smile, her arms crossed in front of her and her head tilted. “You feel bad about wanting me because you knew me as a kid.” Well.. yes. Was she really expecting a confirmation?
The chuckle she let out from under her breath warned me that she didn’t. Still, I couldn’t help but tightly hold onto my fears as I watched her slowly approach me, arms falling to the sides until she was within reach of mine.
“I think it’s clear I’m not a little girl anymore, John.” Well, she wasn’t wrong, and the effect she elicited on me just by holding our hands together showed just as much. “And the man I met, the man that held me on his lap when I was a kid, is not the same that’s staring at me right now. You are my mate. The same can’t be said for the man from back then.”
My entire body buzzed with electricity from the connection of our hands, and the realization that she didn’t hate me. Through her eyes, I could see there was a way for us to get through this, a way for me to somehow move past my own past.
I noticed the familiar twinkle of mischief in her eyes before she even opened her mouth to break the moment. “I think you should just admit that you want to kiss me.”
Chuckling, my hands instinctively let go of hers to find a hold on her waist, pulling her closer to me. “What good will that bring me?” But the little rascal just shrugged.
“I dunno. I might do it.” No other words were necessary. My body acted of its own accord, and I cradled her face with my palms before bending down to meet her lips, chuckling to myself once we parted and I realized she had to stand on her tip-toes to reach me.
“Well, that was a sweet first kiss,” I commented, rubbing my nose on hers and appreciating her little giggle. “The kind of sweet I’d hoped the first time I got to touch you would be. But you just wouldn’t let me have that, now would you?”
Silence took over my teasing, and I watched as she took a deep breath before saying what was on her mind. “You know… I wouldn’t mind being your secret if that’s the only way I could have you.”
I knew it wasn’t her intention, but it felt like a punch to my stomach. Had I really been this mean? That she’d think my worst problem with our situation was that I didn’t want to be associated with her?
“I don’t want to keep you a secret,” I made sure she knew. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Our lives were entwined now, I knew that. I needed her here. And I’d do whatever I needed to make her stay.
“Guess I’ll just have to keep teasing you until you break, huh?” I chuckled, squeezing her hips a bit before finally letting her go. It was relieving to see that she understood I needed time.
My chest filled with hope as I watched her leave the room, but not before throwing me a wink over her shoulder. God, she was making me soft. It wouldn’t take much for her to get me to break.
#my series#john winchester reader#john winchester x reader#john winchester reader insert#john winchester reader inserts#john winchester fanfiction#john winchester fanfic#john winchester fan fic#john winchester imagine
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I didn't expect for me to do a rant about bumbleby but I've been rewatching RWBY while me and my friend wait till February for the next chapter and holy shit, there's a lot to talk about.
Maybe it's because the first time I watched RWBY was all together without needing to wait like all the fandom but I'm pretty sure bumbleby was either a thought, a path they had as one option or being something it was going to happen no matter what since they started writing RWBY.
All the hints, subtext, etc were there, since the first moment Yang and Blake meet.
We all know RWBY doesn't have all the time neither the budget to make a 30min or 1h long for every chapter, so all the faces, the details, body movements are there for a reason and not to waste time and money.
Yang sees Blake and it's immediately interested, Ruby tells her she knows her and what Yang do? Uses Ruby as an excuse to go closer to Blake and talk to her + this will help Ruby to come out of her shell.
Now, before I continue I want to say that I personally head canon Yang as a lesbian because I relate to her as one but it's perfectly fine if y'all head canon her as bi or pan, what we all know it's that the girl is NOT straight.
Let's continue, Yang try to start a conversation and Blake was not vibing with it until Ruby started talking about books. It's quite a funny moment for me because Yang is so used to people wanted to be with her or wanted to flirt with her that she gets awkward and her confidence start going low the moment she is the one actively going for it and not the other way around.
Yang is quite an interesting character because at first it looks like she's a flirt and knows clubs and illegal stuffs, she's really cool, confident and really attractive. But then as the series progress we see how damage she is, such a low self-esteem she has in certain stuffs, how she's really smart, she doesn't actually flirt and when it's someone she likes she gets all awkward and stuff.
Then you have Blake, we see since the beginning the strong sense of justice she has, how passionate about it she is, she's lowkey most of the times, serious but then we see all her issues, her low self-esteem, how scared she is and how humorous she is as well, assertive and direct. If Yang is not there then the person making the jokes is Blake and I find that really cool.
I mention this because the Blake we see in Emerald Forest is assertive Blake.
Yang gets into the forest and start looking for Ruby while Blake seems to have been following her since they landed in there. She's in the shadows keeping an eye close to Yang, she sees her fighting the Ursas and took advantage of that to help her and appear in front of her. Purposely smirking while looking her directly at her eyes.
Now, why would Blake choose Yang? Why not Phyrra? Or Ruby? Well, because Blake is attracted to strength. It's the same thing that attracted her to Adam, she sees the similarities but there are so many differences as well.
As they continue their journey to find the relic Blake seems to enjoy Yang company, smiling and smirking at her. We basically see a different Blake than we saw when Ruby and Weiss were around, this is more direct, assertive and flirty.
At this point Blake is attracted to Yang, smiling at her jokes, smirking, going all sassy, the way she walks or behaves around Yang.
The best part? She loves it.
My favorite part of bumbleby between v1 and v3 is absolutely when Yang tells her "I love it when you are feisty" and Blake smirks and it's loving it.
Blake loves when Yang gives her attention. It always been there, I'm so sorry y'all can't see it.
But between v1 and v3, while she absolutely loves being around Yang, she's still feels the weight of her past, which makes her still closed and not as free as she would like.
Before I talk about v4 and 5 and the end of v3 I want to talk about Sun.
He's important for Blake's growth and I feel a lot of people don't like that but this is what the media does every single time with women, they present them in the narrative only to make the main dude to growth so, it's actually nice seeing it the other way around + Sun does get a bit of growth and he has some plot in the books I think (I still need to read those but I can't find them 😭).
Since the moment Sun sees Blake he's attracted to her, understandable, she's hot. He tries to catch her attention by helping her, etc.
Blake does not shares the same sentiment until like v3 or something, in some funny way Yang is the one that pushed her to Sun by making her go to the dance and spent time with Sun.
But Blake goes to the dance because of Yang and she specifically tells Sun, in a really smug way btw, how her first dance is reserved for someone else. In the dance she constantly smiles to Yang and then we see her having an amazing time with Sun and Neptune which helps her to relax and making new friends!
At this point Blake seems to be attracted to both Yang and Sun or at least she's a bit attracted to Sun in a sexual way and not romantic wise. Blake loves the attention them both give her, is not in bitchy or selfish way(?) It makes her confident and tbh that's such a human like reaction, knowing that really attractive and amazing people are attracted to you? Please, I would be worst than Blake.
Then we have the end of v3, where Adam appears and everything goes to shit.
It's interesting how they decided to animate and write Blake, Sun and Yang in the Fall of Beacon.
Blake is constantly worried about Yang, specially after what happened, Yang calls Blake and wants to be sure she and Ruby are ok.
Later Blake goes after a Grimm and Sun and Yang are finally in the last place Blake was before disappearing.
Instead of Sun going after Blake it was Yang, he just stays there, behind Weiss.
Is in this volume that we find out that Adam wasn't Blake mentor, they were together in a romantic sense (which is disgusting because it means Adam not only abused her but groomed her). Adam tells her he's going to destroy everything she loves and in that exact moment Yang comes into scene yelling for Blake and poor Blake is mortified and Adam sees this which for him means that the blonde girl is someone that Blake loves.
The freaking meaning of all this is AMAZING, the narrative presents Yang as someone that Blake loves.
When Yang lose her arm it's when Blake gets out of her black state to protect Yang, she could have died but she didn't cared because she needed Yang to be alive, that's her partner and someone who she has confused feelings about.
Because that's the thing, yes Blake knows she's attracted to her but what does that mean? Adam is still around and she knows Yang is vulnerable and can't take much emotional damage.
So Blake leave because at least without her around Yang can still be alive because Adam is looking for her not Yang.
Here's something important, bumbleby of v1 to v3 is something fun, is a teenager thing but then bumbleby of v4 till now is more important, is deeper and goes beyond a crush.
Sun stalks Blake which was pretty bad specially cuz Blake was paranoid about Adam which makes her react violently (she slaps him which is bad as well).
Blake character development in v4 and v5 is really important, not only Sun helps her a lot but spending time with her parents help her heal some stuffs.
But it's in v5 that everyone should have got the confirmation needed for black sun.
There's a moment when they are talking about Adam and Blake tells Sun that she's thankful that he helped her and that's what she wants to do, she wants to be that friend to help Illia, the same thing Sun did for her.
This implies so much and the most important one is that for Blake, Sun is a friend, a very dear one btw, and that she wants to be a friend to Illia as well, she wants to be that safety net that Sun and her parents were for her but with Illia. This is so powerful because Sun is more than ok with that, he only wanted to help Blake and if she ended up falling for him? Cool, and if not, cool as well.
Sun already knew this, since the beginning.
In the end of V3 he saw it and came to terms with it.
You know who were looking out for Blake and Yang when Yang was unconscious and Blake was taking her hand while crying and apologizing? Ren and Nora, who were both tired. And in front of them was Sun, looking at them like "oh", like he understood that Blake eyes we're always on Yang and not on him.
That's why in all the conversations of blacksun in v4 and v5 Sun always brings up Yang and how she may feel because he knows that's the person for Blake, not him.
Because if not, tell me why no romantic business happened? It was perfect to expand their relationship! But they didn't.
Later he was the one pushing Blake to go with her team, he knows, Sun knows how important is for Blake to be with her team and to be with Yang. At the end of the day, the person Blake felt safe with after Adam was Yang.
Now, v6.
Listen, Ruby and Weiss don't get why Yang can't seem to forgive Blake but... Blake does, back in Beacon Yang had an heart to heart with her about her family, Blake knew about what leaving would be for Yang and that's why she so angst about Yang in v4 and v5.
So she tries her hardest, and while I agree that there's some parts that should be written better and they need to TALK about it... V6 was good for them.
The Apathy mini arc was amazing but it was the end of V6 that settle bumbleby to be canon.
Blake finally understanding that they need to be equals in their relationship, them both going against Adam, Adam rage to see how much they love and respect each other, the final blow, Blake break down...
But the most important of all was the beginning of the second part of Blake and Adam fight, because Yang listen everything that Adam said to Blake and it clicked for her.
Blake didn't left because she wanted, she left because she loves them. And the moment Yang hug her, comfort her and reassure her they are fine it's the moment she forgives Blake and a new stage in their relationship starts which lead us to v7.
V7 bumbleby is v1/v3 bumbleby but mature. They talk more (as we see with the scene about Robyn), they want to be more close and close to each other, etc.
Assertive Blake is back! She keeps flirting with Yang, keeps making Yang to compliment her, to pay attention to her, she giggles at Yang's jokes, she goes to a club!! Blake doesn't usually goes to clubs!
In V2 we see Blake can dance but in V7 she doesn't seem to find the rhythm... Ohhh the classic "please help" You give to your crush to make them get closer to you so you can flirt with them and maybe make a move. And Yang? She goes with the flow, because is what Blake wants and Yang wants Blake to lead because Adam is still fresh.
That's why she gets worried about what Blake thinks of her in V8, what they have is new, they are aware of the attraction and the feelings but haven't done anything about it.
I love making it seem they are clueless but they aren't, they are smart and observant young women, Blake knows Yang find her attractive, she encourages Yang to watch her, to flirt, to get closer.
There's a scene in V7 when Yang is watching Blake through the mirror and Blake purposely gets flirty when putting her make up on.
They know they are dancing around each other.
It's so great seeing an wlw couple being like this, I love it. Bumbleby is a slow burn and it's a really cute and adorable one, it's a shame people hate it or claim is queerbaiting.
Yeah, maybe there's some stuffs that could be written better but overall? Bumbleby has been here since the beginning and the development is beautiful to see.
Highly recommend to rewatch RWBY with all this subtext in mind so you will find Bumbleby since day one lol.
Btw, ship whatever you want guys, blacksun is a cute ship, just stop being dicks to the VAs and the writers of the show for something that's your fault, like... Literally, your fault, all the signs were there.
And sorry for making this so long and all over the place, I hope you enjoy this rant tho lol
#bumbleby#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#sun wukong#rwby#adam Taurus#blake and yang are gay and in love y'all#sun has a bet with weiss and ruby of when they start dating and for now weiss seems to be winning
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Dance For You
(This entire photoshoot wrecked my life and my soul actually left my body how can one human be this fucking sexy it isn’t fair)
Mark Tuan X Stripper Reader
Genre: This one has all the good shit (So much fluff, tiny bits of angst and SMUT SMUT SMUT)
Warning: Rated 18+
Oral (both male and female receiving), edging, choking, face riding, breast play, degradation, doggy style, cowgirl, daddy kink, dominant Mark (one can dream)
Word Count: 11.5K
Summary: Becoming a stripper was the last thing you would have ever saw yourself doing as a job, but because you had so many financial responsibilities, you were willing to do whatever it was to get a large amount of money in a small amount of time. There were many pros that came with being a stripper; not only were you paid excessive amounts of money that you weren’t able to wrap your mind around, but your job is what also led you to meeting the actual love of your life; your devastatingly handsome boyfriend of three years Mark Tuan.
A/N: I wrote this over a year ago (I don’t know what inspired me to write this but the idea of Mark dating a stripper got me all sorts of fucked up and one of my favorite youtubers is a stripper and I just grew curious about what it would be like to have a boyfriend while being an exotic dancer) so this came out. If I’m being honest, I had to tweak this story A LOT; I was actually cringing at how bad my writing used to be I’ve come a long way guys--happy reading!!
Being a stripper was not an ideal job. They were always frowned upon by most people and ridiculed for selling their bodies in order to make money. But what most people didn’t understand, was that pole dancing and stripping was an art as much as it was sexual entertainment. When you first started stripping, it was to help pay for college, your apartment and your car. You told yourself you would quit stripping once you graduated from college and paid off all of your bills. However, you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t enjoy the money you would bring home almost every single night you worked.
The club that you worked at was one of the most popular strip clubs in town. It was always packed to the point where people would have to go on a waiting list or could only get in if they had connections. Most dancers at your club were practically family to you and they made sure you knew that you were the reason everyone would come to that specific club. You were always quick to shut down their compliments because you didn’t think you were all that special. From the time you were a little girl, you’ve always loved to dance.
Whether it be ballet, jazz or hip hop, you would dance any and everywhere there was music. As you got older, you got so busy with both work and school that you no longer had the time or energy to continue doing what you loved so much. When you graduated from high school, you decided to attend college thousands of miles away from your hometown to your parents dismay. They were very helpful when it came to paying for your college education. However, because it was your decision to move away and be an out of state student, they told you that you needed to help pay for your tuition.
After months of working boring, low paying jobs, you overheard one of your classmates talking about how much money she gets paid from her job. When you asked her about it, it was then that she admitted to being a stripper and offered to get you an audition with her company in order to get a job there. At first, you were contemplating on doing so. You were raised to be very modest and anyone who sold their bodies to people for money whether it be prostitutes, hookers or strippers were frowned upon by your family. However, the income strippers received is what sold you.
You didn’t care about the consequences that came with being an exotic dancer—you just wanted life to be easier. When you went for your audition, everyone was blown away by how graceful your movements were and you were immediately hired on the spot. For the first week after being hired, your managers had the other strippers teach you the basics. Even if you were a dancer, dancing in heels and lingerie was not something you were used to. Although you had a fit body from dancing for so many years, you didn’t think you had the breasts nor the butt to be a stripper.
Seeing your fellow coworkers bodies made you very insecure from time to time, but you were very quick to learn that this was a cutthroat business. There was no room to have a low self esteem. Even if you were close with almost every stripper you worked with, things weren’t like that in the beginning. Strippers were some of the most competitive people there were and you couldn’t blame them.
They all wanted to be the best in order to attract more customers. Sure, there were times where you would regret becoming a stripper—and the guilt would eat you alive every time your mom called you to ask how college was going. But there were more pros than cons that came with being a stripper. You loved your job; the management was very lenient with your schedule, you made more money in one night than you did in two weeks at any of your previous jobs and because it was stripping that introduced you to the actual love of your life—your boyfriend of three years, Mark Tuan.
On the night you and Mark first met, he had just turned 21 years old. You were 19 at the time and you had already been dancing for a couple of months. For his birthday, his friends decided to take him to a strip club; telling him that he needed to experience such wild and fun things while he was still young. Mark wasn’t the type to go out to clubs, parties and bars. All he really cared about was school and video games; until he met you and that’s when everything changed. You were getting ready to perform when you were requested for a one on one session. It wasn’t uncommon. Men would request for a one on one performance with strippers all the time, but you had yet to do so yourself.
You’d hear stories all the time from your coworkers about how scary it could be, even if it paid more. The club charged more for one on one performances only because they could be making more when the dancer performs for a crowd rather than just one person. You told your management that you didn’t feel comfortable performing for someone alone because of the countless horror stories you heard about men getting physical and even trying to rape the dancers. However, after the few incidents, the management made sure that whoever entered the club had a quick background check before they were able to enter.
“Y/n, your customer is waiting for you in room 7. Go easy on him. He’s really cute. Oh, and wear that cute red suit you bought the other day. Trust me.”
You did as you were told and put on the very tiny, leaving no room to the imagination lingerie set while slipping on your Louboutins. After a taking in a few deep breaths and whispering words of encouragement to yourself just like you did almost every night, you made your way outside to his room. When you walked out on that stage and your eyes landed on your customer, you felt your heart rate increased. Your manager wasn’t lying when she said that he was cute. In fact, that was an understatement. He was gorgeous. Extremely handsome. Probably the most attractive man you’ve ever laid your eyes on.
For a second, you felt flustered and you were worried you were going to mess up because you were obviously very much attracted to the man sitting just a few feet away from you. But once you took a quick look at yourself in the side mirror, you marched down that stage like you owned it. Seeing him gulp as you made your way towards him only increased your confidence and soon, you found yourself sitting on his lap.
“Hi there. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but you don’t seem like the type to come to a place like this.” He nodded his head while you ran your hands up and down his chest.
“I don’t. It’s my birthday and my friends forced me to come. But if I’m being honest with you, I’m very glad I came. You’re extremely beautiful.”
You giggled at his words and you were very grateful for the fact that the club was dark or else he would see you blush. Nobody who came in here has ever called you beautiful before. It was always either derogatory terms; “sexy” or “hot”. Hearing him call you beautiful, only made you want to hear him say it to you again and again.
“Thank you. Oh, and happy birthday. What’s your name?” He smiled politely at you while hesitantly bringing his hands to your hips.
“I’m Mark.” You placed a soft kiss on his cheek before standing up and seductively making your way to the pole.
“I’m y/n. Let me dance for you birthday boy.”
His eyes never left you and your body the entire time. Even if it was dark, the very prominent and large bulge in Mark’s pants didn’t go unnoticed to you—it made you feel even more confident and sexy. Slowly, you walked over to him and found your way back on to his lap. You dragged your thumb against his bottom lip all the while slowly grinding yourself on top of him. Hearing his moans and seeing him bite his lip only made you go faster.
“Fuck—you’re so—fucking sexy—please—don’t stop—“
The other dancers would always tell you about how they would do more than just give somebody a lap dance during these one on one sessions. A lot of them slept with their customers willingly in order to make more money. You were never one to want to do that—you were here to dance, not to have sex with people. However, with the way Mark was looking at you with so much lust in his big, brown eyes and holding you all but gently, you wanted nothing more than to please him in anyway possible. You brought your hand down to his very thick and long cock; stroking him through his pants, earning yourself multiple moans and whines from his pretty lips.
“Can I give you a birthday gift? Would that be okay?” He quickly nodded in agreement and before you could even process the entire situation, you found yourself getting on your knees. Once you unzipped his zipper, his sigh of relief when you pulled him out of his pants sent warmth to your already soaking clit.
“Fuck—I—holy shit—just like that baby. Oh god—mmmmm—so—so so good—“
Only seconds after relieving him from the constraints of his boxers, you dragged your tongue along his slit while circling his tip. His breathy whimpers and wanton moans only motivated you to go faster; you brought him completely in to your mouth and bobbed your head up and down his length, taking him down your throat as much as you possibly could all the while fondling his balls. He pulled your hair in to a makeshift ponytail and continued to thrust himself deep down in to your throat.
“So warm and so tight. Fuck. You’re so beautiful. So fucking pretty. Look at you, taking this cock. Do you think I could fuck your face princess?”
You nodded earning yourself a raspy groan. He started roughly pushing your head on to his dick but you were too busy trying to pleasure him to even think about the pain. His cock grazed the back of your throat in the most delicious way. You tried your best to go as rough and as hard as you possibly could; licking and sucking on him while pinching on his ass cheeks. Your eyes began to fill up with tears, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to stop—mainly because it was adamant that he was enjoying feeling your mouth wrapped around his cock.
But you were genuinely having a good time yourself. Watching his eyes roll to the back of his head as he bit down on his bottom lip sent chills down your spine. He was so damn hot. After a few moments, you felt his white, creamy liquid fill your mouth and you swallowed it entirely. Seeing him throw his head back and the fact that he came in less than 5 minutes sent fire through your bones; it was an indescribable feeling.
You weren’t one who really cared about giving head; most of the guys you’ve been with never cared whether or not you were comfortable and it unfortunately ruined your entire outlook on sex—but something about this boy made you want to perform oral on him every single day. He pulled you up off of the ground, back on to his lap and roughly connected his lips to yours.
“Holy shit. You’re not real. You can’t be. Where did you come from? I can’t even describe how amazing that was. Shit wait, are we allowed to do this? Am I going to get in trouble for letting you blow me? Nobody can know I’m here right now my parents would probably have a fit-“ he sounded so cute getting flustered over the thought that he might get in trouble for having fun with you. You shook your head in attempts to keep his mind at ease and began leaving soft kisses along his jaw.
“You’re totally fine. Don’t worry about it.” The vibration coming from his phone broke the two of you out of your little world and he hid his face in your chest after reading the messages from his friends.
“They’re looking for me. Apparently we’ve been here for three hours. It doesn’t even feel like it’s been that long. They’re not kidding when they say time flies when you’re having fun. That was the best birthday present ever. I’m really glad I came. Literally. But I should get going. I um—can I—your number—“
As devastatingly handsome as Mark was and no matter how much you wanted to see him again, strippers didn’t get in to relationships nor did they have any sort of human interaction other than with the customers. You didn’t want to burden Mark with the fact that you were a stripper; you didn’t want him feeling embarrassed if he ever had to introduce you to people. After placing a long kiss on his lips and running your fingers throughout locks, you started making your way towards the curtains.
“Come back again soon and we’ll see about that.”
Mark stayed in your mind for the rest of that night. You couldn’t stop thinking about him—how gentle yet rough he was. How he held you as if you were such a fragile piece of glass. How he looked at you so softly, with so much adoration in his eyes. How thick and big his cock was and how you wanted nothing more than to feel him inside of you. But you couldn’t do that to him. You wanted to be selfish and give in to temptation by calling him and seeing where it goes between the two of you, but you didn’t want to end up hurt. You’ve heard one too many stories from your coworkers about how they’d get their hearts broken because the boys they were interested in weren’t accepting of their choice in occupation.
Just a few days after that erotic night together, fate brought you two together again; but not in the way you had hoped. You were late to class one morning because you overslept seeing as how you got home from work at almost 4 in the morning. You were so focused on your notes that you failed to see someone walking towards you until you collided with a body.
“Oh my God I am so sorry I really should be looking where I am walking—Mark?” Your eyes widened in shock at the sight of him and the grin that rose on his face filled your stomach with butterflies.
“Hey princess. I’ve missed you. I’ve been planning on going back to the club just to see you again but I haven’t had the time-“ You brought your hand up to cover his mouth and made sure no one was around to hear about what you did to make your income.
“Please don’t say anything about that. Nobody here knows that I’m a stripper and I’d like to keep it that way. Now if you’ll excuse me.” You began walking away in the direction of your building when you were quickly pulled in to his chest.
“Mark I’m late for class as it is please let me go.” He released a long, frustrating sigh and you were genuinely very embarrassed with how harsh you were acting towards him. Especially because he didn’t do anything to deserve such hostility.
“Your number. Can I please have it? I regret not trying harder to ask you for it. I’m sorry if I’m coming off rude or creepy, but I would really like to take you on a date if you’d let me. If I’m bothering you, just say the word and I’ll never speak to you again. I just hope you know I can’t get you off my mind. And before you start assuming, no. It’s not because—well—yes—you gave me the best head of my life but there’s something about you that intrigues me; something about you captivates me. There’s something mysterious about you and I can’t stop trying to think about what it is. The way you move and make that dance floor yours. The way you touched me and ran your fingers through my hair awakened something animalistic in me and I knew that wasn’t going to be the last time I saw you. The way you have so much confidence allures me and I can’t stop touching my lips because of how much I miss the feeling of yours against them. It probably meant nothing to you, but it meant a lot to me. I promise I’m not some weirdo, I have pure intentions please believe me.”
You gave him a small smile and then motioned for him to give you his phone so that you could enter your information. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t hung up on him. This is what you wanted. You were secretly hoping he’d come back to the club with the thought of continuing where you both left off from last time, but you knew why you were hesitant on taking things further between the two.
“Are you free tonight?” You sadly shook your head—you wish you were; you wanted to see what he had in mind for the two of you.
“I work from 9-3. But I’m off tomorrow. So I’m all yours.”
He grinned in excitement at your words and the two of you soon said your goodbyes. Before you let him completely walk away, something inside of you—maybe the confidence he had mentioned earlier made you grab at his wrist and pull him in for a chaste kiss.
“See you soon.”
You went to work that night with the biggest grin on your face and couldn’t wait to see where things would go between the two of you. You and Mark started texting back and forth as you were preparing for work and during your break. He told you he had the entire date planned and to say you were excited was an understatement. When you first got in to stripping, you pushed away the idea of a relationship to the back of your mind because you knew most guys wouldn’t be quite happy with the fact that their girlfriend is a stripper. But Mark didn’t seem to care and although you shouldn’t be getting your hopes up, you couldn’t help but feel like he was going to be someone special in your life.
If he didn’t want to be with you because of your occupation, he would have said so much earlier. The next day, the only information he gave you was that he wanted you to be ready by eleven and that he was taking you somewhere fun. You decided to wear a cute sundress and lightly curled your hair. You applied a small amount makeup in attempts of concealing the dark circles that developed under your eyes in the last week and decided to watch some tv while waiting for him. Mark texted you that he was on his way and you found yourself heating up at the mere thought of him.
It’s been quite some time since you were involved with another guy, let alone one that you were genuinely interested in. You were hoping that things would work well between you and Mark because he seemed like a genuinely nice person who fit the standards you were searching for in a significant other. When your doorbell rang, you tried your best to stay calm and pretend he didn’t have such an effect on you.
Truth was, you never felt this way about anyone before. You had yet to experience a real relationship and it wasn’t like you had feelings for your any of your customers or fellow classmates. Even if you hardly knew him, you found yourself wanting to learn more about him and you could only hope for things to go well for the both of you. Once you opened the door and your eyes landed on him, your heart rate increased. He had to be some sort of Greek God in his past life. There was no way someone could be this handsome.
“Hey. You look very beautiful. Not that I’m surprised. Ready to go?” You nodded as he reached for your hand and led you to his car, but not before connecting your lips together.
“Mmm, I think I’m addicted to these pretty pink lips of yours. I’m addicted to every little thing about you.”
Heat rose to your cheeks once again and he chuckled at the sight. This boy was honestly going to be the death of you. He was quick to intertwine your hands together and led you to his car—like the gentleman he was, he opened your door for you and helped you get settled in to your seat, stealing a quick kiss from the corner of his mouth.
Once he made his way to his side, he turned on the radio and absentmindedly placed his hand on your lap. The car ride was quiet in the beginning, both of you having so many things on your minds but neither of you had any idea what to say. Although you enjoyed the piece and quiet, there was so many things you wanted to learn about him—however, you didn’t want to be the first one to start the conversation. After a while, he finally spoke up.
“What are you majoring in?” From that question on, the two of you were complete chatterboxes and the conversation continued until he reached the destination. Your smile rose tenfold when you realized where he brought you.
“I hope you’re fine with the beach? I just love it here and I thought the weather was nice. If not, we can go somewhere else. I’m fine with whatever you want to do.” You shook your head and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.
“I love the beach. I actually haven’t been to one since moving here for college.”
He beamed up at you and gently squeezed your thigh. When you got out of the car, you quickly noticed the basket in Mark’s hands and smiled even wider than you already were, if it was even possible.
“I packed us a picnic basket. I wasn’t too sure on what to get because I have yet to learn what you like, but I hope this is all okay.”
Seeing him get all shy, completely different from just a few nights ago when he was shoving himself down your throat made butterflies swarm in your tummy. He reached for your hand and intertwined your fingers while leading you to a secluded area. He placed the blanket down and motioned for you to sit down. Before you could take a seat next to him, you were being pulled on to his lap. You were about to object until he placed his lips against yours in order to silence you.
He ended up feeding you and the thought of him wanting to take care of you made your head spin. The two of you continued to talk about pretty much anything and everything your hearts desired and in the few hours you got to spend with him, you learned a lot about the shy and extremely kind hearted boy. For starters, he was a huge fan of the Los Angeles Lakers, yet he had not once stepped foot on a basketball court before. He also wanted to go in to architecture; he had a passion for drawing and he also loved anything that had to do with buildings and construction, but his mom talked him out of it in fear of something happening to him while he was at a construction site.
His favorite food was Hawaiian pizza—a fact that you were quick to tease him about, but he was quick to defend himself and it made you fall even harder for him. Once the two of you were done at the beach, he took you to an arcade: somewhere you learned he spent most of his time at. Seeing him get all excited over playing race car games and skeeball brought warmth to your cheeks. You were quickly growing fond of Mark and you knew in that moment you were screwed.
As soon as you both realized it was getting late, you made your way back to his car and he started heading back to your place. A part of you didn’t want to leave him just yet—his presence alone made you feel safe;comfortable. Even if you haven’t known him for too long, you loved the way he made you feel and you knew you could get used to having him around; that’s why you didn’t find it surprising when you invited him in for some coffee. Although, the both of you knew coffee was not going to be involved in the plans for the rest of the night. Mark wanted to be a gentleman and take things slow with you, but he knew he couldn’t—you had such an effect on him that he knew he would do anything you’d ask him to and the thought excited him more than it scared him.
The two of you found yourselves tumbling in to bed together. It wasn’t a surprise, you knew sooner or later you had to have him. If he didn’t have to go so soon just a few nights ago, you were sure you would’ve let him take you against the stage or hell, even up against the pole. With the way he was leaving rough kisses all along your body, you knew he was quickly losing his sanity too. After bringing you to heaven twice with his head between your thighs in less than half an hour, the two of you relished in your newfound relationship.
He took you in your bed, against your kitchen counter, on your couch and finally in the shower. He couldn’t get enough of you and it was evident that you felt the same way about him. After finishing up in the shower, he helped you prepare for bed and even gave you his shirt to wear as he slept in only his underwear. He held you tightly to his body and whispered sweet nothings in to your ear before finally asleep. It had to be one of the best nights you had since moving to California.
From that day on, the two of you were inseparable—like magnets. Wherever you’d go, he would follow and vice versa. The two of you could never go without one another. You found yourself falling in love with him in just a few months of dating and although the two of you weren’t together for too long; you were sure he was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Mark wasn’t a jealous boyfriend—he knew you were his and his alone. At first, he was kind of insecure with dating you, especially because he was well aware that you’d continue being a stripper even if you were now in a relationship.
It wasn’t that he asked you to quit; nor did he try to make you feel bad for continuing your profession. He was proud of you for working a full time job and attending school at the same time and your boyfriend knew you were your own person before you were his—plus he trusted you. Mark knew you loved him just as much as he loved you. It wasn’t you he was worried about, it was the men who would come to the club. Knowing that you were one of the main dancers only worried your boyfriend because he was afraid that people would try and take advantage of you when he wasn’t around to protect you.
He’s been to the club countless times since the two of you started dating, and it took every bone in his body not to fight anyone who tried to lay their hands on you. You would reassure him that you were fine, and that he was the only one you would have one on one sessions with. You made sure to tell your manager you were in a relationship and did not feel comfortable performing for someone alone knowing your boyfriend was at home, waiting for you to finish work.
One thing Mark did that made your heart flutter, no matter how many times you told him you were fine, was that he would pick you up every single night that you worked—no matter what time it was. He never failed to come get you and always told you it was because he wanted to make sure you got home safely. Just a few months after the two of you started dating, he had asked you to move in with him.
At first, he was afraid of rushing things—he was afraid that he would scare you away if you weren’t ready to take that further step in your relationship, but he craved your presence and loved being around you. Plus, it was easier for him to pick you up and drop you off to both work and school. He accommodated you in any way you needed. Before you could bring over your things, you noticed he had purchased a lot of the things you needed including your shampoo and conditioner, a jewelry box to put all your jewelry in, some face masks and other skin care products and he even bought you a vanity for your makeup.
Dating Mark was a dream. He was everything you could ask for in a boyfriend and more. He was patient, extremely funny, generous, always put your feelings first and had one of the kindest hearts. You only fell for him more and more each and every day. He scheduled his classes so that he could take you to school and finish around the same time you did; and not that it was the main focus of your relationship, but since you started dating Mark, the both of you had a sexual awakening.
What he didn’t know, was that although you were a stripper, you’ve only had one sexual experience before him and you regret not making him your first. He took such amazing care of you when it came to sex and always put your needs before his own; he made sure you came before he did, only moved when you told him it was okay and tried out any position you wanted to. He would do anything you asked him to and made it known to you just how much he loved you both physically and verbally.
Unfortunately, the two of you had your first fight just hours ago. Neither of you remembered how it started, but you couldn’t stop thinking about how it ended. Some mean words were thrown about and you both said things you knew neither of you meant, but it was too late and the damage was done. You took your things for work and decided to find your own way to get there. You knew your boyfriend was upset when he didn’t come after you.
As soon as you walked out the door, tears came streaming down your face and you were about to call in sick for work, but you refused to let this argument get the best of you. Once you arrived to the club, you threw your earphones on and started to get ready. Your phone began to vibrate so you ultimately turned it off; it didn’t take a genius to know who was contacting you.
Other than your parents, your boyfriend was the only person you ever really called and texted. You released a long, frustrated sigh and continued to apply your make up. When you were done with both your hair and makeup, you put on your outfit and prepared yourself to make your way outside. You were not in the mood for any sort of human interaction, but there was nothing you could do. it was going to be hard, but you had to separate your work life from your personal life and right now, you had to put on a fake smile to prevent anyone from realizing that something was bothering you.
When you made your way in to the club, there were at least fifty men already crowding the stage. You tried your best to push all thoughts of your boyfriend to the back of your mind and started strutting your stuff down to the pole. Right as the music turned on, you swayed your hips to the rhythm and made sure that all the guys were dropping their jaws at the sight of you. Hearing the crowd roar at your raunchy movements and seeing all the money being thrown on stage only gave you more confidence to put more effort in to your dancing and soon the entire argument was forgotten in that moment.
To your dismay, only two hours in to your shift, some men had a little too much to drink—meaning a few people were beginning to jump on stage and your anxiety was starting to build up. You could feel your chest fill up with worry and it was getting hard for you to breathe. The only thing you could really do was move back in attempts to get as far away as possible from the drunken customers.
Before you could process the entire situation, you saw fists being thrown and when you realized one of the men involved was Mark, your heart both sank and fluttered at the sight. Your boyfriend wasn’t the most built guy out there, but you knew he could take on most of the guys in that club because of how drunk they all were. However, one guy grew angry with the way Mark was being aggressive towards him and started to fight back; seeing him sock your boyfriend in the face worried you.
You quickly ran over to the two of them and started punching and slapping the guy in attempts to get him to release his hold on your boyfriend. This was not the way you would have expected the night to go. It felt like you were begging for help for the longest time—yet no one seemed to be coming to your rescue. Finally, after what felt like hours even if it was only a couple of minutes, the security guards pulled Mark away from the now bloody man and threatened to call the cops on him even if he was clearly trying to save you from being harassed.
“He’s with me. It’s fine. I’ll take care of him.”
You got off the stage and brought your boyfriend to the back, earning yourself a couple of boos from the crowd, but you didn’t care. Mark was all that mattered in that moment. Once you reached your dressing room, you sat him down on the couch and searched for a first aid kit. When you finally found one, you quickly walked over to where Mark was sitting and immediately started applying medicine to his cuts.
“Stay here, I’ll go get ice.” Before you could walk away, he was pulling you on to his lap and wrapped his arms around your waist.
“It’s fine babe. I’ve been through worse. I’m just glad you’re okay.” You frowned at him while gently grazing his cheek. Tears started forming at your eyelids and he was quick to kiss them away once he saw them.
“Why are you here? And why would you put yourself through danger? The security guards would’ve handled it Mark. Now you’re all beat up and if those guys remember what happened in the morning they can press charges.” He shrugged indifferently while running his hands through your hair. It was obvious he was not worried one bit of the entire situation.
“Let them. I honestly don’t give a fuck. It was worth it. Nobody messes with my girl. I’m sorry baby. I couldn’t help myself. Seeing them trying to reach out at you already got my blood boiling. But once I saw them jumping on stage, I had to get involved. I know how you can get anxiety sometimes and I didn’t want you having an attack. And I’m sorry for earlier. I was planning on talking to you on your break and I was going to wait till you were done to take you home. I don’t care if we fight, I’m not gonna let you go home on your own. I’m so fucking sorry y/n. You know I didn’t mean anything I said right? I was just mad, but that was no excuse. I’m not ashamed that my girlfriend is a stripper; if anything, I find it so fucking sexy. Nor would I force you to quit knowing how much you love it here. I hate fighting with you. I shouldn’t have let you leave while you were upset but my pride got in the way. I’m so fucking in love with you it’s not even funny. I couldn’t stop thinking about the pain on your face as you walked out the door. Please forgive me y/n. I don’t think I can handle you being mad at me. Scream at me, punch me, hit me, call me names even. But please, don’t be mad at me anymore.”
Your heart broke when you heard his voice crack and you found yourself connecting your lips together. Mark was a very sensitive person; he would cry at the smallest of things and although his friends would tease him about being too much of a softie, it was a characteristic of his that you were extremely fond of. He was hesitant at first—he was still upset with himself for making you cry in the first place; but when he felt you relax in to him, he wrapped his arms around your waist. You cupped his cheek and depend the kiss; swirling your young all but gently around his, earning yourself a couple of deep grunts. All too soon, Mark pulled away to catch his breath and hid his face in the crook of your neck.
“I’m not mad at you baby. I’ll admit, I was a little hurt by what you said. But I said some things I didn’t mean either so I’m just as in the wrong as you are. I’m sorry by the way. Everything that I said was in the heat of the moment. You’re not a bad boyfriend. You’re the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for, you know that right? I’m very thankful to call you mine. Just the mere thought of you brings a smile to my face and when I’m not with you, I feel empty. That’s why I couldn’t stop crying when I left. I really don’t like fighting with you. I love you Mark.”
He placed multiple kisses along your face and quickly wiped away your tears. His fingers were featherlight against your face; he smiled at you while tracing your features with his index finger. Honestly, it didn’t matter that the two of you were sitting in the dressing room of a strip club; it honestly did not matter where you were, you wanted to spend as much time in the moment that time would allow you to.
After a few moments, you heard a knock on the door and freaked out when you saw your manager. You were afraid of getting in trouble for what happened but released a sigh of relief when she told you to go home early. You quickly packed your things and walked over to help your boyfriend up.
“Let’s go.”
He intertwined your hands together and the two of you walked over to his car. Once he helped you get settled in and got himself buckled, you both drove home. For the first couple of minutes, everything was quiet, other than the playlist he had put on. However, about ten minutes in to the drive, his hand absentmindedly found your thigh.
It’s not like you weren’t used to him touching you like that. On most drives, he would either hold your hand or place his on your lap—however, he began slowly tracing patterns against your skin causing goosebumps to rise. He brought his fingers closer to where you needed him the most; the coil in your stomach was twisting to the point where you had to cross your legs in attempts to form any kind of friction in between them.
To your dismay yet his delight, your boyfriend ultimately pulled away before he could do anything to help soothe the fire that was overtaking your entire body. You saw him laughing to himself and mentally cursed him before grunting in irritation.
“You’re gonna get it Tuan I swear to God.” He looked at you as if he had no idea what you were talking about and simply shrugged.
“Just you wait baby. You’re going to regret teasing me.” He bit his lip seductively while finally pulling in to the parking lot.
“I don’t know what it is, but I can’t wait.” Once he parked his car, you made a bee line to your apartment and didn’t even care whether or not he was following right behind you. You brought a chair from the kitchen in to your bedroom and took off your clothes, leaving you in the extremely tiny outfit you were wearing earlier.
You knew it was Mark’s favorite and seeing you wear it tonight is what probably riled him up and got him to fight with other people. When you heard the door close, you sat there and waited patiently for your boyfriend to enter. When he did, his jaw dropped at the sight of you and his gulp did not go unnoticed—in fact, it only turned you on some more.
“Holy fuck. Y/n—“ He reached out for you but you quickly backed away—earning yourself a breathy and extremely sexy whine.
“I’m going to give you a lap dance. However, I have rules. My body is off limits. Absolutely no touching. The minute I feel you touching me, I’m going to make it stop. If I feel your hands on my body even just once, it’s over with.”
Your boyfriend quickly nodded in agreement, willing to take whatever he could get at thus point and motioned for you to start. You turned on your speakers and soon your room was being filled with The Weeknd. Slowly, you sauntered over to your boyfriend, bringing your hands up to his face and caressing his cheek all the while grinding in to him. Seeing him bite his lip to the point where you knew there was a chance it would start bleeding, trying his best not to make a noise nor touch you made you laugh quietly to yourself.
You brought your hands in to his hair and gently pulled on it, earning yourself an exhausted groan from your boyfriend. Leaving chaste kisses along his jaw and neck made Mark shiver and you could tell he was about to lose all his sanity pretty soon. You turned around, giving him a view of your round and plump ass—you purposely dropped one of your bracelets on to the floor so you had an excuse to bend down.
Hearing him take in a breath from how much of an effect you were having on him only made you want to take your time; you wanted to break him. When you felt his hard on against your ass, heat went straight to your core. Slowly, but very roughly, you grinded yourself against his thigh and smirked when you saw him squeezing both sides of the chair in order to prevent himself from touching you.
“Mmm, someone’s excited.”
He glared at you and the growl that came from the back of his throat did not go unnoticed—you could feel yourself growing wetter and hornier by the minute. The sex was going to be mind-blowing; you just knew it.
“I’ve been hard since I walked in to the club and saw you wearing this. Fuck baby. You don’t know what you do to me. Y/n. Please. Enough. I’m dying here. You’re actually lethal, do you know that? I’ve been a good boy long enough baby let me fuck your brains out, I’m begging you.”
You bit your lip at the sound of his dirty words. Mark was a very soft spoken and gentle guy. Around his friends and anyone he was close with, he could talk up a storm. It always made you smile seeing him comfortable enough to talk with people without getting nervous or stumbling on his words. However, when it came to sex between the two of you, he was very dirty and rough—just how you liked it.
His naughty words and raspy voice never failed to send shivers down your spine. You decided that your boyfriend had enough of your teasing and with the way he protected you tonight from all those drunk and rude assholes, he deserved a little treat. When he saw you get on your knees, he let out a content sigh. Although you were seconds away from fulfilling his carnal urges, you were extremely excited to finally have his dick down your throat.
Giving Mark head was just as fun for you as it was for him. Slowly, you unzipped his pants and released him from his underwear; the sight of his hard and throbbing cock sent warmth to your core. First, you kitten licked his tip and ran your tongue all along his cock—licking back and forth, dragging your teeth along his veins before ultimately bringing him in to your mouth. The noises; his grunts, moans and cries of pleasure that were rapidly falling from his mouth only drove you crazier. You were bobbing your head at an exceedingly rapid pace; trying to bring him as far down your throat as you could without gagging all the while looking up at him with your soft, doe eyes.
“Ba—baby—fuck—just—just like that. Ah fuck. You’re so good to me. You were made to suck my cock. Faster baby please. Your tongue—I can’t even—fuck.”
Your hands found purchase on his hips as you forced him deeper in to your mouth. No matter how much it hurt and how tears were forming at your eyelids, you loved being about to pleasure your boyfriend and you knew he loved it when you blew him. He ran his fingers through your hair and bit his lip in attempts to prevent himself from moaning loudly. Whatever you couldn’t fit in to your mouth, you pumped with your hand.
Every now and then, you brought his balls in to your mouth; sucking and grazing your teeth against both testicles. It was obvious with the way he would throw his head back that his balls were even more sensitive than his actual cock and you used that you your advantage.
“Baby—I’m gonna come—fuck y/n—you always get me to come so fast you’re so fucking sexy baby. Just like that—ah fuck.” Once he came in to your mouth, you were quick to swallow it entirely; milking him of everything he had and before you could process what was going on, your mouth was yanked from off of his tip and you were being pulled in to his embrace.
“You’re not real. I know I’ve said this many times but I have a hard time believing you’re real and that I’m the lucky man who was blessed with you as my girlfriend. You’re the most beautiful girl in the entire world baby. Fuck. Your mouth does wonders. You’re an ethereal being and I’ll do anything you ask me to. Whatever you want, it’s yours. I’m yours. Do whatever you want with me baby.” You turned around to face him and connected your lips together while bringing one of his hands to your core.
“Fuck y/n, you’re soaking. You’re honestly going to be the death of me you know that right? You’re so fucking sexy. My beautiful baby girl.” He took you off guard by shoving two fingers in to your heat. As soon as he started pumping, you hid your face in to the crook of his neck and tried your best to silence your moans. However, your boyfriend quickly but gently pulled you away and lifted your chin so that you were making eye contact with him.
“Don’t hide those beautiful sounds princess. Daddy deserves to hear how good he’s pleasuring you. All those men tonight can only dream of seeing you like this. Don’t get me wrong y/n, it’s so hot when you dominate me. But we all know at the end of the day, whose the real boss when it comes down to it huh? You thought you could tease me with this extremely sexy little dance while wearing my favorite lingerie of yours? You’re gonna get it I swear to God. I’m going to make sure everyone in this apartment structure knows how good I’m making you feel tonight.”
He quickened the pace and watching his facial expressions while he was pumping his fingers inside of you sent you closer to your release. His fingers were warm and the callousness of his digits only did wonders against your pussy. It didn’t take long for him to find your g-spot; during many of your love making sessions, Mark made it a habit to learn a knew thing about you. Your likes, dislikes, preferences, positions you wanted to experiment in, where your clit and g-spot were located; he just really wanted to please you and loved knowing that he was the only one who had that kind of effect on you.
“Mmm, we’ve already had multiple complaints Mark—maybe we should—FUCK.” He brought his fingers against your clit and flicked it; pinching your nub causing you to moan louder than expected.
“That’s exactly what we’re going to be doing. All night baby. Get ready to call in sick because when I’m done with you, there won’t be any feeling in your legs.”
He knew exactly how sensitive you were and always took advantage of the situation. You continued to grind yourself against his fingers in hopes of finally reaching your orgasm—but all too soon, he pulled away. When you whined at the loss, he simply giggled.
“Mark what the fuck? I was so close!” He definitely was not going easy on you tonight. Your boyfriend was going to make it known that he owned you—that he was the only one who could bring you sheer ecstasy just by his fingers. He loved tormenting you when it came to the bedroom and after that fight earlier, he was excited for the kinky, hot sex he had planned for the two of you. He motioned for you to get off of him and brought you over to the bed.
“You’re going to sit on my face with that pretty little pussy of yours and I’m going to eat you out until you’re numb. Got it?” You nodded in agreement; excited for what was going to happen in just a couple of seconds. As he lied down, he pulled you with him, having you hover over his face.
“Sit.”
Both you and your boyfriend weren’t strangers to face riding, but you were always afraid of crushing him. However, Mark was always vocal about how hot he thought it was eating you out while you were sitting on his face. He always tells you that his face is your throne and wants nothing more than for you to sit on it when you both have the time. His hands found their place on your ass and he grinded you against his tongue. As much as you loved giving head, you really enjoyed receiving it—especially because Mark was a professional at eating you out. He knew exactly what to do to make you scream, cry and beg him to hurry up and bring you to your orgasm. When you felt his fingers graze your clit, you know you were done for.
“M—Mark—Mark—baby please.”
Your hands found purchase in his hair, pulling and tugging on it as he continued eating you out like a man starved. His wet muscle felt amazing against your folds; his pace was relentless. He continuously licked stripes against your entrance; biting gently and sibling on your overly sensitive nub. Hearing him moan and hum against your cunt made you want to scream. When he pulled away, you let out a loud whine and you were embarrassed seeing as how needy you must’ve looked but you didn’t care. This was the second time he edged you tonight and you were sure it wasn’t going to be the last.
“That’s not what you call me when I’m fucking you my pretty slut. If you want me to continue, you know what to say.”
Hearing him call you such a derogatory name only brought you closer to your end. There were a few times where Mark would degrade you during sex—but it always turned you on. He brought his tongue back up to your entrance and continued his ministrations.
“Da—daddy—fuck—so so good. You’re always so good to me—just like that daddy please—please let me come—”
When you felt him nibble on your clit, the coil in your stomach released and you came all over his tongue. Your boyfriend lapped up all your juices, making sure to slurp up every last drop and hummed against your pussy. Feeling him sigh and him against your soaking core only made you wetter at the touch—as much as you were enjoying the way he gripped on your ass and smashed his face against your pussy, you needed more. When he felt you get off of him, he was confused and a little bit worried.
“Baby I wasn’t done. Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Do you want me to slow down? Y/n I’m so sorry—“
You connected your lips with his and wrapped your arms around his neck before you began to leave soft kisses along his jaw. Although he could be rough and dominant when it came to sex with you, he always made sure you were having a good time. He hated the thought of hurting you in any way.
“I’m fine babe. That was amazing as always. You’re always so good to me. And I love how dirty and kinky you get during sex. You become this animal—it’s so fucking hot and I just—need you inside me. Right now.” He nibbled on your ear and licked a trail down your neck. Your words made him hard again; honestly anything you did never failed to make your boyfriend hard as a rock.
“Fuck y/n. I’ll do anything you ask me to. As much as I love eating you out and as much as I love how you taste, I want to fuck the living shit out of you. Fuck baby you taste so good I could eat you out for hours. But feeling how tight and wet your cunt is, I want to be buried inside it.” He yanked off his pants and threw them against the wall all the while bringing his hands up to your round mounds and squeezed the both of them.
“These. These right here are my favorite body parts of yours. Well, other than your extremely pretty face—and thick thighs. Don’t even get me started on your ass babe. Everything about you is simply perfect, I can’t get over it. But your tits—fuck. So big and so pretty. I could spend an eternity sucking on these things.”
He licked and nibbled on one of your nipples while squeezing the other breast with his free hand. He did this in attempts to distract you from when he finally enters you. Although the two of you had sex almost every single day, you would never get used to the stretch every time Mark would enter you. It always felt so good, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt.
Your boyfriend was thick and long—you had a hard time believing someone could be that perfect. Even if you considered penises to be very ugly, something about Mark’s was addicting—it never failed to make your mouth water and you loved the feeling of it buried deep inside of your pussy, between your breasts and in your mouth.
“Let me know if it hurts okay? And tell me when I can move my love.” He reconnected your lips together, melding his lips perfectly with you and finally entered you, eliciting breathless moans from the both of you. You gently tapped his shoulder, letting him know that it was okay for him to move.
“You know, for someone who claims he’s going to make me immobile for the next week, you sure are very soft for me.” He chuckled and let out a content sigh.
“I’d beg to differ. I’m hard as a fucking rock for you.” You playfully slapped his shoulder as he hid his face in your neck.
“I just don’t wanna hurt you. I’m very protective over you y/n. Even from myself. You’re so delicate in my eyes. I’d do anything to keep you safe and make you happy.” You didn’t even realize a tear fell from your face until you felt his fingers gently brush them away.
“You asshole. Professing your love to me is not the reason why I should be crying during sex. But I love you too. And I’m in love with you. Madly in love with—mmmm.”
Hearing those words fall from your pretty lips only made Mark crave you in a way that he needed to have you now or else he was sure he would actually go insane and he couldn’t help himself—he needed to move. He started off slow, bringing himself in and out of you as gently as he could—but he was quick to pick up the pace once he felt how amazing your walled wrapped around him. His fingers roughly grabbed your waist and you were sure there were going to be bruises in the morning, but you didn’t care.
You loved seeing his little marks that he left around your body; it would only remind you of the amazing night before and the fact that you were his. He lifted your legs up and placed them both behind his head so that he could be closer to you while ramming himself in to you. You absentmindedly clenched around him; the feeling of him stretching out your walls made you want to scream. The sensation obviously had an effect on your boyfriend because he stopped moving and roughly grabbed both your wrists, bringing it up along the sides of your face.
“Stop that. You know exactly what that does to me. I’m going to come right now and I refuse to come before you do. Fuck baby. You’re so fucking tight and wet I can barely stay in. I would fuck you every single day if I could.” He brushed some of your hair behind your ear and placed a chaste kiss on your lips.
“You’re the most beautiful girl in the world. I could never get enough of you. I want you for the rest of my life. I hope you’re well aware that you’re stuck with me. You’re mine y/n.”
No matter how many times he would confess his love for you, you were never ready to hear it and your heart would always melt in to a puddle when he did so. You knew by the way he was groaning and roughly kissing you, that he was close to his release. Therefore, you gently squeezed his hand to get his attention.
“Baby.”
He looked at you in curiosity. You motioned for him to get off of you but before he could ask what was going on, you turned around and stuck your ass out in front of him. Out of all the positions, doggy was your favorite. There was something so erotic about how animalistic Mark would get in this position. He was rougher and his movements were so much faster in this position. It also turned you on even more when he would shove your face in to the bed sheets. When he realized what you were asking for, he moaned quietly to himself.
“My dirty little slut wants me to fuck her from behind? Fuck baby. I’m going to fucking wreck you. Get over here.”
He pulled your ass up against his pelvis and you moaned in sync at the feeling of his hard cock rubbing against your drenched folds. When he brought his hand up and spanked you, you could feel your orgasm building up again. Mark brought his lips up to your neck and started leaving multiple hickeys against it, you were his own personal canvas and he loved knowing people saw that you were spoken for. You pulled on the sheets and quietly screamed in to your pillow as he made his way back inside of you.
This time, he didn’t give you a second to prepare before roughly thrusting himself in to your cunt. His pace only quickened now that he could reach further in to your soaking pussy. The sound of skin on skin slapping could be heard throughout your room and every so often, Mark would whisper dirty things in your ear. His hands wouldn’t stop lingering everywhere along your body.
Your boyfriend always needed to be touching you. A lot of times, his touches weren’t even sexual; Mark had a hard time believing you were real and all his to love. Touching you was like a safety blanket to him. It only made him accept that you actually existed and that he was the proud owner of your heart. His hands were one of your favorite body parts—his fingers were long and skinny and you loved how they felt wrapped around your neck, your waist, against your lower back and buried inside your pussy. You also loved how they felt squeezing both your ass and your breasts.
You brought his hand up to your neck, hinting to him that you wanted to be choked. Although choking was a huge kink of your boyfriend’s, Mark was always very nervous and hesitant because he didn’t want to hurt you. But God, did he love the effect it had on you.
“Fuck! Did you just get tighter? You’re already soaking and tight as hell baby please tell me you’re close.” You nodded and he gently twisted your head so that he could kiss you.
“I love you. I love you. I love you so much baby.” Soon, his warm, creamy liquid was filling you up to the hilt and he let out an exhausted whine.
“Baby I’m so sorry—“ You shook your head and asked him to pull out. Mark had a tendency of reaching his orgasm before you did, but it was understanding. It also did wonders to your confidence knowing that you could have him reach his release in just a matter of minutes.
“Let me ride.” The look on his face sent shivers down your spine. He was quick to lie down against the pillows and pulled you on top of him.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve this breathtaking view but I would do it again and again if I had to if it meant getting to love you in every single lifetime.” You smiled down at him; his heartfelt words sent warmth to your cheeks and you knew in that moment that you would do anything he asked of you—however, your smile was quickly replaced with furrowed brows as you bit down on your lip and moaned as you sank down on his dick.
“Mmm—Daddy—please go faster. Aw fuck—just like that—harder—I’m so close baby.”
He sat up so he had a better view of your face and took this time to suck on both of your breasts. The feeling of bouncing on him while he was licking and nipping on your breasts brought you closer to your end. You sank up and down on him at a relentless pace; the feeling of his cock gliding against your walls, his fingers gripping on your ass as he helped guide your body against his and the way your ass slapped against his pelvis was a sensation you would never be able to form in to words. His tip kissed the back of your cervix with each and every bounce—and it was beginning to become too much for you to handle. Before you knew it, you were coming all over his dick with him following just seconds after.
“You’re not real—you can’t be. You’re so perfect y/n what did I do to deserve you?” You shook your head before bringing your hand up to his face and cupping his cheek with your palm.
“It’s me who doesn’t deserve you. I’m sorry again for earlier. I know it’s inevitable that we’ll fight again, but promise me that most fights will end like this.” He chuckled while flopping back down on the bed and bringing you with him.
“Trust me, I love making love to you at all times, but fucking you after fighting with you is a mind blowing experience. Should we fight again tomorrow?” You rolled your eyes and playfully pushed his shoulder.
“I can’t feel my legs. You win. You’re calling in sick for me tomorrow.” His laughter engulfed the room and you gently ran your fingers through his hair.
“Do you want to take a shower? I’ll carry you to the bathroom. Or I can even run you a bath if you’d like.” You shook your head—the thought of having to get up, even if he was going to carry you was exhausting.
“I just wanna go to sleep. I know you babe—we’re only gonna have more sex in the shower. I’m too sensitive for more sex tonight.” He pouted in to your neck but knew you were right. Mark would never be able to get enough of you and he wanted you to be completely recharged when he decided to have his way with you again.
“Hey, you said tonight. So tomorrow morning—“ You punched his shoulder as he giggled at the action.
“You are the horniest human being I know.” He ran his fingers up and down your back while leaving lingering kisses along your cheeks.
“I mean, have you seen yourself? And your body, God I hate the fact that you’re so insecure about it. Your body is perfect y/n. I love your thick thighs and your curves. And I don’t know why you think your breasts are small, I can barely fit one in my mouth. Oh and this ass, fuck. I cannot get enough of it. I could write a book about how much I love your body alone. Imagine if I were to talk about the love I have for you in general. A fucking novel. I never used to be this soft before. Your love made me all sappy. But it was worth it. You’re worth it. I’d do anything for you. Be anything you want me to. I’d do anything to make you happy. You’re my entire world y/n. I love you.” Tears fell from your eyes and he was quick to kiss them away.
“Come on my crybaby, let’s go to bed. Since you’re calling out sick tomorrow, I’m planning on having a lazy day—for the most part. At some point I plan on making love to you against the kitchen counter and on the couch. Maybe both. We’ll see if you’re up for it. Goodnight princess. Sweet dreams.”
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Pt 2 of I’m supposed to be your brother
Summary: Wilbur gets mad at Tommy and somehow Phil’s the one left to deal with the aftermath
a/n: hey everyone!! Here’s part 2. This is the last part of the story.
It’s overwhelming, the silence that surrounds Tommy, on one hand, it’s too loud and on the other, it's not loud enough.
How could have he been so stupid?
He’d told himself over and over again.
They don’t want you around, they don’t find you funny, they just think you’re annoying. The minute you become more annoying than how many views you bring, that's the minute they’ll leave you.
And today it had happened. Wilbur was finally sick of him.
What if that was what everyone thought of him? What if they all just secretly hated him and Wilbur was the only one who had bothered to say it to his face?
He slowly pushed himself out of his chair, shutting down his PC, and closing discord for the night. He crawled into bed just after turning the lights off. He tried to get his mind to shut off after all this was what he had been expecting. Ever since he had been invited to join SMPEarth and had become friends with bigger streamers, he had been dreading this moment.
The moment where he found himself alone and lost in the darkness. Abandoned by all the people he had considered family.
He reaches across to his desk to grab his phone and accidentally brushes his hand against his face. It came away wet.
oh, OH, those were tears. He was crying.
After hours and hours of staring at his ceiling, Tommy finally manages to fall asleep. But before his mind can provide him some solace from the shit day he’s just had, a final thought whispers through his mind.
Why would he say that? He told me that we were brothers.
-----
Tommy wakes up feeling sore, his entire body aching. He rubs his eyes and wonders slightly at the puffiness underneath his eyes before remembering the events of last night.
Oh right, Wilbur had yelled at him last night, well yelled was a nice way to say it. Wil had basically crushed his soul last night.
He sighs before grabbing his phone. The moment he turns the screen on and waits a second for the brightness to adjust, he’s bombarded by notifications. Half of them are from Wilbur. They range from several missed calls to desperate texts that beg him to pick up the phone to finally texts that sound more resigned than anything else, telling Tommy that he’s sorry and to please call him as soon as he can. The rest are from Tubbo, asking him what’s wrong and finally, he has a few surprise texts from Philza and Technoblade telling him to message them if he needs something.
He was about to close his phone and go back to bed when it began to vibrate in his hands. It was Tubbo. He hesitated for just a second before accepting the call.
“Hey Tommy, how are you? I was worried when you didn’t answer any of my texts or calls last night,” Tubbo waited a few moments for Tommy to respond before continuing the conversation by himself.
“umm so Phil told me what happened last night, are you okay? You know Wilbur didn’t mean that right? He was just having a bad day,” Tubbo seems desperate, desperate to convince Tommy that what Wilbur had said wasn’t true. Silence fills the call once again before the sound on Tommy’s end becomes a little too quiet. Tubbo checks his phone and sees that Tommy’s muted himself.
On Tommy’s end, tears start sliding down his face once again. Tubbo’s being so kind but he hadn’t heard Wil last night. He had no way of knowing that Wil had meant exactly what he had said. He tries to gather himself enough so that his voice doesn’t come across as too different.
“um my mom’s calling me Tubbo, I have to go,” Tommy quickly stutters the words out knowing Tubbo will see through his bluff but he needs to get off this call. Tubbo doesn’t deserve this. Tubbo’s always so patient and nice to others, he doesn’t deserve to put up with Tommy’s mess. He manages to press the disconnect button before the tears swarm his vision.
Why is he like this? He just keeps messing up, now Tubbo’s worried when he doesn’t have to be.
He stays in bed for who knows how long before he feels his phone vibrating against his thigh. He turns to see the name Philza Minecraft flashes on the screen. Tommy really doesn’t want to talk to Phil, to the man he considers his second father. He’s going to decline it when his thumb misses because of the tears hindering his vision and ends up pressing accept.
shit shit shit, he doesn’t want to talk to Phil right now.
“Tommy? I know you're there Tommy, Tubbo just told me that he’s talked to you,” when Tommy doesn’t respond, Phil continues to talk, “you don’t have to say anything if you don’t wanna so just listen okay? Last night Wil called me crying and he told me that he had blown up at you for no reason, Tommy he was so upset with himself. He doesn’t mean anything he said okay? He was upset at something else and you just happened to be there. Now you don’t have to forgive him or anything but you have to understand that no one thinks you’re annoying. We love to stream with you, you make our lives so much better Tommy. You’re like family,”
It’s those last words that break the dam holding back Tommy’s feelings. A stream of words flow from his mouth.
“Then why would he say that Phil? I know that I can be loud sometimes and- and I talk a lot but I don’t understand. I don’t understand,”
“I’m so sorry Tommy. There’s no excuse for what Wilbur said, all I can tell you is that he feels horrible about it,” At this point, there's nothing Phil wants more than to hug Tommy, to tell him that it would all be okay but he couldn't do that. The most he could do was whisper words of comfort across the phone in hopes that it would be enough.
They sit in silence as Tommy lets Phil’s words wash over him. Tommy’s still hurting; the pain still a heavy feeling in his gut threatening to take over his emotions once again. Somewhere in his mind, he knows that Phil and Tubbo are right but Wilbur’s words are still a force in his mind.
“Tommy, look, I know you probably don’t want to but I think it would make you feel better if you talked to Wilbur. I know you think that he’s probably going to yell at you some more but I can promise you that is not what’s going to happen. All he wants to do is say that he’s sorry.”
At this point, the pain has subsided inside of Tommy. Instead of a blistering heat ready to take over, his hurt has simmered down to a point where he feels comfortable enough to talk to Wilbur. He nods at Phil’s words before remembering that Phil can’t see him.
“umm ya, okay, I can talk to Wilbur,” Tommy’s voice scratches his throat as he speaks, rough from disuse.
“I’ll tell him okay? I’ll let him know to call you. You’re going to be okay,” Phil promises.
There’s a slight sound as Phil disconnects from the call. Tommy rolls over onto his side, gathering his blankets around him, burrowing into his makeshift nest.
A couple minutes pass as Tommy lays on his bed sifting over what Phil had told him. He knows that Wilbur does love him and that what he had said had been spur of the moment words but regardless they still hurt. They had taken all of Tommy’s insecurities and fears and confirmed them.
But still, it’s hard to stay mad, he doesn’t like the fact that his chest feels all tight, that the words he so desperately wants to speak are stuck in his throat, and that the person he would have immediately sought out comfort from is now unavailable to him through no fault of his own.
It’s quiet again, the sounds of London traffic subdued through his bedroom window. This quiet he doesn’t mind, it’s nothing like the violent quiet that had settled over him and Wilbur the previous night.
This quiet reminds him of the afternoon he spent in Brighton, the first time he had met Wilbur, or the peaceful afternoons spent talking to Tubbo. The quiet settled something in his gut and Tommy was about to fall asleep before a discord notification dragged him out of his trance.
It was Wilbur, Phil must have finally told him to call. Sighing softly to himself, he accepts the call.
“Hey Wil,” he murmurs softly, trying not to disturb the tranquility of his room.
“Toms,” Wilbur breathes, “you answered. I wasn’t sure you were going to. I mean Phil had told me to call and had told me that you would pick up but I still wasn’t sure. “ At this point, Wilbur’s rambling and the familiarity of it all brings an unwanted smile to Tommy’s face.
“Phil told me you were going to call to apologize,”
“Yes, yes I am. I am so sorry Toms. What I said to you was completely inexcusable, it was so out of line and the worst part was that I knew how much those words would hurt you, Tommy. I- i consider you family okay? You’re like the brother I’ve always wanted and I know that the last thing I deserve is your forgiveness and it’s fine if you don’t forgive me. You don’t have to do that. But I need to know that you understand that what I said wasn’t true. Okay, Tommy? You know I was wrong right?”
“I- i don’t know Wil. I mean that’s what everyone says right. Everyone thinks I’m annoying, it’s why Vikkstar quit MCC and why Schlatt kept calling me a kid when we first met. I know that you didn’t mean it but that doesn’t mean it's not true.”
Wilbur’s shocked silent as he processes the bomb that Tommy’s dropped on him. He had known that even though Tommy’s persona was loud and energetic it was different from what the kid was like in real life. But he had never known that Tommy’s self-esteem had dropped so low; that the self-loathing ran so deep.
“Tommy stop. No one and I mean no one thinks you’re annoying. Vikkstar didn’t quit MCC because of you, those two things are completely unrelated. Also, I can promise you that Schlatt doesn’t think you’re a child. Just like you play up your persona during streams, so does he. He thinks you’re a great kid with so so much potential,”
“Then why Wilbur, why would you say that?”
Oh, oh that's what's been bothering Tommy. Not the fact that some of his idols had made fun of him but rather the fact that it had been me making fun of him, throwing his insecurities back at him.
“Oh god, i- i am so sorry. Tommy, I never meant that, please you have to believe me,” even though Tommy can’t see him, he can hear the desperation in Wilbur’s words, “oh god, oh god what have I done?” At this point, Wilbur’s talking to himself.
“Wil?” Tommy questions.
“I’m sorry I really am. You don’t have to sit and listen to me anymore if you don’t want to. It’s just important, really important that you know that it isn’t true. It isn’t true at all.”
Wilbur’s about to click off before he hears a small noise coming from Tommy’s end.
“Wil, I’m not mad, not anymore. I just feel empty; so- so empty. I'm tired Wil,”
At these words Wilbur freezes, he knows what that feels like. He knows how the anger can take over before suddenly evaporating into nothing.
“It gets better Tommy, that emptiness cloying inside of you will slowly go away. I know that right now it hurts, and even more than that, you feel empty. But that's not permanent, I promise.” Wilbur’s voice soothes some of the fears aching in Tommy’s heart.
For the past hours, Tommy’s been told by multiple people how loved and appreciated he is. He’d forgiven Wilbur a long time ago but nonetheless, the fears still persisted. But slowly throughout this call, some of the jagged edges have been smoothed over.
“I’m tired Wil,”
“I know. Go back to sleep Tommy, I’ll be here when you wake up,”
“You promise Wil?”
“Of course Toms, I promise. That’s what family does,”
That’s all the reassurance Tommy needs before falling asleep.
The last words that Tommy manages to catch are enough to ensure a dreamless sleep.
“Goodnight Tommy. I love you”
#fanfic#sleepy bois fanfic#sbi fanfic#mcytsbi#tommy and wilbur#tommyinnit#tommy and tubbo#sbi found family#found family
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Lukadrien: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Eighteen
@lukadrien-june
Read it on AO3: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Eighteen: Pastries
“What if she hates me now?” Adrien fretted, pacing the main cabin of the Liberty as he fiddled with the good luck charm Marinette had given him years ago at the start of their friendship.
Luka sighed, looking up from the glass armonica he’d been fooling around with. “Adrien, why would Marinette hate you?”
“Because she’s been brainwashed by those monks she’s been studying with for the past month,” Adrien retorted in a manner that indicated that he thought his logic was entirely reasonable.
Seeing the doubt on Luka’s face, Adrien elaborated. “They hate me. They’re just like Maître Fu, only a hundred times worse. Maître Fu never talked to me about anything. He pretended I didn’t exist and kept me in the dark unless it was absolutely necessary to tell me something.”
Luka dried his hands off on his pant legs and came over to catch Adrien by the shoulders, stopping him in his tracks.
“I’m sorry the previous Guardian treated you like that,” Luka sympathized softly. “I’m sure that felt awful.”
Adrien nodded in affirmation, his gaze lowered. “It certainly didn’t do anything for my self-esteem, being treated like crap by yet another authority figure.”
“Yeah, I bet…. I don’t see what any of this has to do with Marinette hating you, though.” Luka gently pushed them back on topic.
“Because those monks she’s spent the past month with are even worse than Fu, and they’ve brainwashed her into thinking like them, so now she thinks I’m a useless failure who didn’t even notice that his own father was Papillon,” Adrien muttered.
“Adrien, no,” Luka insisted.
“Adrien, yes,” Adrien growled bitterly. “Plagg’s told me about them. They’re awful. They treat him like a monster and a screwup too. I’ll be lucky if Marinette even gives me my ring back now…. Plagg’s going to be stuck in that box forever.”
“Okay,” Luka sighed, seeing that some action was in order. “So, whenever you have a negative thought, what does Doctor Katsuragi encourage you to do?”
Adrien frowned, not seeing the connection between his therapy exercises and his inevitable permanent separation from Plagg and the catastrophic end of his friendship with Marinette.
“I don’t understand,” he confessed, looking to Luka for clarification.
Luka took Adrien’s cheeks in his hands and tipped up Adrien’s chin. “Whenever you have a negative thought, you’re supposed to challenge it, right? Reframe it?”
Adrien’s brows pinched even closer together. “These aren’t negative thoughts, Luka. These are just facts. They’ve turned her against me.”
“…Okay. Well, how about we do an experiment?” Luka suggested, remembering his own therapy sessions about fighting distorted thinking.
Adrien quirked an eyebrow. “Experiment?”
Luka nodded encouragingly. “You have your hypothesis: Marinette hates you and is going to exclude you from all things Miraculous going forward. Let’s go test that hypothesis and see what happens.”
The frown quickly returned to Adrien’s face. “What’s the point?”
“The point is, you could be wrong,” Luka informed.
Adrien rolled his eyes. “Or I could be right.”
“Or you could be right,” Luka agreed, “but at least we’ll know that you’re right. Then, afterwards, we can make decisions about what to do from there based on concrete facts instead of assumptions. How does that sound?”
Adrien stared, considering for a long stretch before he realized that Luka’s reasoning was sound.
“So…you’ll go with me?”
“If you want me there, I’m happy to go,” Luka assured.
Adrien bit his lip. “…Can we take the motorcycle?”
He could really use an excuse to plaster himself to Luka’s back.
“Absolutely,” Luka instantly agreed. “You ready?”
Luka practically had to drag an antsy Adrien into the bakery.
Thankfully, business was slow, so there were no customers to witness the heroes’ reunion.
Marinette was standing at the register, her eyes buried in an old, dusty tome.
“Good afternoon,” she greeted automatically at the sound of the bell over the door. “Welcome to Tom and Sabine’s. Just let me know if you need help with anything.”
“We’re actually here for you, Chanson, not so much the pastries,” Luka chuckled.
Marinette’s head snapped up, and her eyes brightened like fireworks when she spotted them.
“Luka! Adrien!” she gasped, forgetting her book entirely as she sprinted across the room to catch them both in a crushing group hug. “It’s so good to see you! I’ve missed you so much.”
“R-Really?” Adrien choked on the overwhelming swirl of emotions welling up inside of him.
“Of course,” she scoffed, pulling back to get a good look at her boys. “I haven’t seen you in a month, and I’ve been worried about you constantly!”
Adrien blinked dumbly as his expectations were summarily overturned like so many wheelbarrows of cabbage. “Wait. Me?”
Marinette clicked her tongue. “Of course you. I barely got to talk to you after everything that happened. They practically dragged me off to Tibet immediately afterward, so…”
She studied his face intently, eyes darting from here to there, trying to absorb everything all at once. “…Are you okay?”
Adrien bit his lip and swallowed, preparing to tell the biggest lie of his life. “I’m f—”
His voice broke as tears started to bubble up through the cracks in his flimsy mask.
Marinette looked to Luka.
Luka rested a supportive hand on Adrien’s shoulder. “He’s doing all right. Some days are tough, but I’m really proud of him. He’s doing his best, and he’s doing a great job.”
Adrien shot Luka a look of gratitude.
A thin, faint smile of relief spread across Marinette’s lips. “Good. I’m really glad to hear that. It killed me not being able to be there for you. I mean, I’m your partner. I should have been there, but…”
She trailed off, looking to Luka with gratitude overflowing in her eyes. “…I’m really glad you were here.”
“Me too,” Luka agreed, squeezing Adrien’s shoulder. “I’m happy I could help—At least, I hope I’ve helped.”
Adrien gave a snort. “You know you’ve helped.”
Luka shrugged, smiling noncommittally.
“Oh!” Marinette gave a start, suddenly remembering. “Your ring! I need to give back—”
She pulled a small, octagonal box out of her purse and paused, a frown beginning to form over the bridge of her nose. “—but we probably shouldn’t do this in the middle of the shop.”
Luka and Adrien looked around, taking note of the panorama of windows.
“You could sneak around back for a few minutes,” Luka suggested.
Marinette looked like she was about to agree, but then she glanced back at the cash register with a pout. “But I need to watch the shop.”
“Allow me,” Luka offered.
“Oh, I couldn’t ask you to—” she started to protest.
“—I’m doing this for him,” Luka cut in with a wink.
Marinette blinked, and Adrien blushed, a sliver of a pleased grin peeking out of the corner of his mouth.
“It’s not like this is my first time working the counter,” Luka pointed out.
Marinette was quickly convinced. “Well, if you don’t mind. Thank you,” she responded, taking Adrien by the wrist and tugging him around back.
“Here you go.” She held out the Miraculous box, and he eagerly took it.
He couldn’t get the ring on fast enough, and when Plagg finally appeared, Adrien could no longer contain the tears.
He silently wept, pulling a purring Plagg into his chest and holding him close, determined never to willingly part with him ever again.
“I’m so sorry, Chaton,” Marinette whispered, the guilt that had been building over the last month finally coming to a head. “I never should have let them pressure me into bringing him with me. I’m his Guardian. I should have put my foot down and told them Plagg was where he belonged.”
“It’s okay, Buguinette,” Adrien tried to assure her, but she was having none of it.
“No. No, it isn’t, Adrien,” she insisted, disappointed in herself and angry at the monks who had treated her partner so poorly.
“I knew I was making a mistake the moment I took him from you,” she confessed penitently. “I can’t tell you how many times I almost used Kaalki to open a portal and bring him back, but…”
She grimaced, averting her gaze and shaking her head, determined to do better going forward.
“I’m so sorry, Adrien,” she repeated, forcing herself to meet his gaze to let him see how earnest she was. “They may not trust you or want you to be involved, but I do.”
He gaped at her, jaw descending several centimeters. “You…You do?”
She nodded, smiling tentatively as she hoped he’d forgive her. She desperately wanted the chance to fix things between them and start doing things right.
“Of course I do. You’re my partner, and I couldn’t ask for a better one. There’s no one on earth I trust more than you. I know things between us haven’t always been ideal, but…I want to do better…if you’ll let me?”
He nodded, swiping away tears. “I’d like that.”
Her smile grew in strength at his favorable response.
“Can we meet up for patrol tomorrow night, then?” she suggested, excited to get started repairing their partnership. “There’s so much I need to catch you up on.”
His ears perked up at that.
He’d always wanted to be included, kept in the loop.
“Tomorrow night sounds great,” he agreed. “Nine o’clock at the top of the Eiffel Tower?”
“Yes, please,” she replied eagerly. “And thank you for hearing me out and giving me a chance.”
He rolled his eyes disarmingly even as he wondered if she had been afraid of him hating her as well.
“My Lady…we’re okay,” he informed, gently pulling her into a hug. “We seriously need to talk, but…we’re okay.”
Silence fell between them as they clung to one another, trying to sort out all the feelings raging wildly inside of themselves.
Back in the bakery, Luka sighed, resting his chin in his hand.
He could guess what the silence meant. Either they were hugging or they were kissing. He conjectured that he’d hear if they were kissing, but hugging wasn’t that much more of a cheery prospect.
Luka knew he’d only been kidding himself when he’d daydreamed of Adrien and him ending up together, but…
It hurt to have his fantasies ripped to shreds right before his very eyes.
Likely, Adrien and Marinette would make up, make out, and forget all about Luka.
He took solace in the fact that Marinette sent them home with free pastries and the feeling of Adrien’s arms around him as they drove home on Luka’s motorcycle.
#Lukadrien#Miraculous Ladybug#Adrien Agreste#Luka Couffaine#Marinette Dupain-Cheng#Lukadrien June 2021#MLB#Fluff#Slight Angst#Pining#Mutual Pining#Slow Burn#Friends to Lovers#Reconciliation#Friendship#Misunderstandings#Clearing Up Misunderstandings#Writing Prompts#Mikau's Writings#Your Hands Hold Home
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can you please elaborate on why you think kurt is the toxic abusive one in the klaine relationship? maybe i’m biased but i don’t see it.
Yes, I absolutely can, thank you for asking! I’ll start with the basic points and then I’ll elaborate with examples under the cut in case y’all don’t feel like reading an actual essay today. (I’ve also put the link to the google doc in my linktree in my bio which might be a more accessible way to read this as it is a 25 page essay)
Kurt takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down and takes advantage of Blaine’s compulsive need to help/build up the people he loves, to ensure that he has as much power over Blaine as possible
He refuses to talk about problems in the relationship (of which there are many) when they arise, sometimes actively shutting Blaine down when he tries to talk about it, but gets angry when the problems worsen, accuses Blaine of pulling away, and puts the emotional burden on him
He refuses to acknowledge his own fault in ANYTHING, both in his relationship with Blaine and in his other relationships
When they aren’t together, Kurt drags Blaine along, sabotages and undermines Blaine’s relationships, and refuses to allow him to move on, all while actively pursuing other relationships himself, ensuring that Blaine is always there as a fallback plan
He is INCREDIBLY jealous, even before he had any reason to think that Blaine would cheat, despite Blaine repeatedly shutting down people’s (read: Sebastian’s) advances, and Kurt frequently flirting with and playing into people flirting him while dating Blaine
He says he loves Blaine, but he also implies that if anyone else came along that could make him feel the same way, he would leave
He is rarely supportive of Blaine in general, especially if he isn’t doing something that could potentially help Kurt, in contrast to Blaine being pretty relentlessly supportive of Kurt in everything he does
He holds the things that Blaine’s done wrong in their relationship over his head, even after claiming to forgive him
He’s just pretty selfish and narcissistic in general
So, let’s go deeper into it, these are complicated and nuanced issues, and I’m sure you need more evidence than just some bullet points, especially for such a popular ship.
Power Dynamics
Let’s start by analyzing the power dynamics between Blaine and Kurt throughout the show and how it affects their relationship. When we meet Blaine in season 2 episode 6, Kurt is in an incredibly vulnerable place, dealing with intense bullying and homophobia at school. Blaine, despite only being (presumably) fifteen and a sophomore, is astoundingly poised and confident. This is where we see Blaine at his happiest. He seems very sure of himself, and this stands in stark contrast to Kurt. Upon seeing this in Kurt, Blaine quickly opens up, sharing that he had a similar experience not too long ago. He gives Kurt advice, encouraging him not to give up and to have courage, building Kurt up. He even comes to McKinley, seemingly during school hours, to confront Karofsky with Kurt. Throughout this, he is calm, comforting, and continues to build Kurt up as best he can. This behavior continues from Blaine as the season continues. Once Kurt transfers to Dalton, Blaine is in a minor position of power as the lead singer of the Warblers, however, he routinely uses this power to keep building Kurt up. He laughs at Kurt’s jokes (s2e9), gives him advice on how to integrate into the new environment (s2e9), and even gets him a lead in a song for Regionals (s2e16). However, when Kurt transfers to Dalton, we begin to see a different side of him. He becomes exceptionally bitter and jealous of Blaine. We see him getting upset over Blaine getting solos in multiple episodes (s2e9, s2e16), despite how kind and accommodating Blaine has been. He openly criticizes Blaine’s performances, saying that they’re all the same (s2e16), and this marks the first example of Kurt tearing Blaine down. Blaine gives up the opportunity for another solo and risks his position by standing up to the Warblers and telling them he wants to sing a duet with Kurt (s2e16). Kurt is also very dismissive of Blaine’s identity struggles. The first and most notable example of this being in season 2 episode 14. Blaine questions whether he might be bisexual and Kurt is not only biphobic but also dismisses Blaine’s crisis. He tries to dictate Blaine’s identity and is passive-aggressive and bitter for the rest of the episode. We get several more examples of this early in season 3.
In season 3 episode 1, Kurt pressures Blaine to transfer to McKinley, even saying that he was being passive-aggressive, something we’ll see Kurt do often in arguments going forward. Although he maintains a playful tone of voice, it’s very clear that he isn’t joking. Blaine expresses concerns about leaving his friends, and Kurt implies that he isn’t sure that their new relationship can survive if he doesn’t come to WMHS, stopping just shy of actually putting the ultimatum out there, but certainly implying it. Blaine decides to transfer, a move that not only screams codependency but also further brings Blaine down. Kurt is back in his element, he’s a senior, this is his school, whereas Blaine is now a newbie as a junior, abandoning his role as lead of the Warblers for Kurt. And although Blaine initially claims that he came for him, it’s obvious that that isn’t the case, and Blaine confirms that he did it for Kurt later (s4e3, s4e7). In episode 2, Kurt works to further limit Blaine by convincing him not to audition for Tony. Here we see an example of Kurt’s manipulation. He never explicitly tells Blaine not to audition, but just makes passive-aggressive comments until Blaine decides not to audition, asserting his power over him. Again, Blaine is giving up opportunities in order to maintain his relationship with Kurt. Blaine even hesitates to read for Tony when directly asked, because he’s worried about how Kurt will react. And sure enough, Kurt is visibly upset when Blaine’s asked, and while it’s reasonable that he would be disappointed, he shouldn’t have put that on Blaine at all. We see the culmination of this little storyline at the beginning of episode 3, and on first watch, this seems like a sweet scene. Kurt congratulates Blaine for getting Tony, gives him flowers, and says he’s proud of him. However, it’s in Blaine’s reaction that we see the problem. He says, “You always zig when I think you’re about to zag, and I love that about you,” and again, this almost seems sweet, but the undertones of that comment are that Blaine didn’t think that Kurt would be supportive. He was genuinely worried that his boyfriend wouldn’t support him getting the lead in the musical. We see that throughout season 3, Blaine struggles in the New Directions. He tries to fit in, but the group is immediately antagonistic towards him, refusing to listen to his ideas. Kurt says nothing about this, even when it comes from Finn. He doesn’t call them out, he doesn’t even comfort Blaine about it. They spend most of this season pretty equal, but this isn’t enough for Kurt, as he gets his NYADA audition and begins to rise in status, he also continues to tear down Blaine. Flashing forward to episode 17, we see a lot of issues come to the surface here, which will come back later, but we also see more of Kurt tearing down Blaine. Kurt says that it’s hard being Blaine’s boyfriend because he’s “an Alpha gay”. He complains that he doesn’t get solos, implying that it’s Blaine’s fault, even blatantly lying by saying that he used to get solos every week. He manipulates Blaine, putting the fault on him, refusing to apologize for his actions, only apologizing for how it made Blaine feel. Eventually, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. This conversation is especially interesting in comparison to their conversation in season 5 episode 16, but we’ll come back to that. First, let’s talk about season 4.
In season 4 episode 1, their power dynamic has shifted yet again, Kurt got rejected from NYADA and Blaine was a senior and lead singer again. Kurt is clearly uncomfortable with this, but Blaine just continues to lift up Kurt. He tells him to New York and gives Kurt the confidence he needs to follow his dreams. Here’s where their relationship begins to fall apart. Now that Kurt is in New York, he immediately encounters success at Vogue, and as soon as he does, he pulls away from Blaine. He is now way above Blaine, and Kurt doesn’t need him anymore. He feels like Blaine is only limiting him. He prioritizes his success and career over Blaine, which is of course, fine when he does it, but not fine when Blaine does it. He actively ignores Blaine, not just to do his work, but also just to gossip and chat with his coworkers (s4e3), even when he knew that it was an important night for Blaine. He minimizes Blaine’s concerns and successes, talking over him and constantly pivoting the conversation back to himself (s4e3). Then, of course, comes the breakup in episode 4. Blaine explains that he did what he did because he felt that Kurt was moving on. Now of course this doesn’t justify what Blaine did, but throughout all the conversations about this incident, Kurt never acknowledges that he had any part in what happened, again putting one hundred percent of the burden on Blaine (s4e4). This continues throughout the season. Blaine constantly has to apologize, but Kurt never has to, because everything wrong with the relationship prior to Blaine cheating gets ignored. The breakup destroys Blaine’s self-esteem, and it becomes very evident that Blaine doesn't know who he is without Kurt. Kurt has successfully taken a very confident young man, made him dependent on him, and then not only left him but ghosted him (s4e8), completely wrecking him. He purposely didn’t forgive Blaine to hurt him (s4e8). It's Blaine’s senior year, he's finally made it back to where he was in season 2, and now he's not even able to play the lead in the musical. Blaine has hit rock bottom, and just as he starts to recover, getting a crush on Sam, becoming closer with Tina, gaining some self-respect and confidence back, Kurt reenters Blaine’s life. We’ll talk about this more later, but Kurt decides to lead Blaine on, keeping him dependent on Kurt, not allowing him to move on (s4e8, s4e14). For example, he calls Blaine right before he’s about to perform at sectionals only to remind him that he still hasn’t forgiven him, and tells him that they can see each other at Christmas, even though he decides not to go back for Christmas not two episodes later (s4e8, s4e10). Then he hooks up with Blaine at Will’s wedding, even though he doesn’t want to get back together and he knows how Blaine feels about him (s4e14). This continues for the rest of the season. At this point, Kurt holds all the power over Blaine. He is not only successful in the outside world, working at Vogue and going to NYADA, but he has also destroyed Blaine’s self-confidence and ensured that Blaine is dependent on Kurt. On to season 5.
In season 5 episode 1, we get the reunion. This scene is another scene like the Lima Bean scene in season 3. It seems cute and romantic, Kurt plays it in a playful way, but in a closer analysis, it becomes more insidious. Blaine begs Kurt to get back with him, and he talks about how they’ve effectively been dating for weeks. At the end of the scene, Kurt reveals that he intended to say yes the whole time, as he had prepared a song, but before he says yes, he puts Blaine through some more manipulative games. Kurt keeps his voice light, but Blaine is very earnest, clearly taking it to heart. Blaine asks Kurt to be his boyfriend again, and Kurt says he doesn’t think it’ll work, because last time, Blaine cheated. Blaine gets very upset, saying that they’ve been over this and that he’ll “never ever cheat on [Kurt] again”. Kurt says that he wants Blaine to sign a contract, and Blaine says that he’ll sign anything as long as Kurt will get back together with him. These lines are interesting because Kurt sounds like he’s joking, but Blaine absolutely doesn’t. He is so desperate to get Kurt back, and Kurt, who again, has already decided to get back with Blaine, is dragging this out and holding the cheating over Blaine’s head. But Kurt still doesn’t let it go. He says that he’s not even sure if relationships work, requiring Blaine to keep begging. Finally, he agrees to get back together, but it’s clear in this scene that Kurt enjoys having this power over Blaine, and he likes making Blaine beg for forgiveness. He made him do so for the entirety of season 4. I’ll talk more about the proposal later, but here I would like to point out that the use of All You Need is Love is interesting, because there is much more to a functional relationship, but generally, these two seem to ignore this because they love each other. They spend the first half of season 5 separate and don’t interact often, however, when they do talk, it is still clear that Kurt, as an adult out in the world, holds supremacy over Blaine, and when they do talk, Kurt often belittles Blaine’s high school problems in favor of talking about his own, insulting Blaine and then pivoting the conversation to him as soon as he can (s5e7). In fact, Kurt is so unsupportive that Blaine has to make a puppet version of him just to get validation and forgiveness (s5e7). We even see Kurt controlling what Blaine wears multiple times (s5e6, s5e14). Blaine has been built up more from season 4, but this is only because he’s back with Kurt, again reinforcing his dependence on Kurt. The next major conflict in their relationship comes in episode 14. Blaine has just moved to New York and in with Kurt. Their new power dynamic is solidifying. Blaine is adjusting to a big change, and he's struggling with it. He's trying his best to be with Kurt in this new environment, but he’s not sure how to handle it. He’s intimidated by how sure of himself Kurt is and just wants to find a place for himself in Kurt’s life. His solution is to try and do things for Kurt. It worked in high school, but here, it only pushes Kurt away further. Kurt feels suffocated by Blaine, but he openly lies to Blaine about it, refusing to address it until it reaches a boiling point (which he does often). Desperate, Blaine tries to carve out a place in the apartment for himself, but Kurt hates this. He becomes aggressive, claiming that the apartment is his, and not theirs and that Blaine shouldn’t be making changes. At the end of the episode, Blaine is the one who suggests the solution of him moving out, pointing out that they never had a conversation about him moving in in the first place. During this conversation, Blaine is very earnest again, constantly reassuring Kurt that he doesn’t want to break up, and is physically very intense, trying to make eye contact, moving to connect with Kurt, and initiating a hug, while Kurt feels completely detached, avoiding eye contact, keeping his voice monotone, and looking pretty disinterested. Sidenote: In this episode, Kurt also demands that Blaine ask Sam to move out even though he’s the one who wants him gone in the first place.
But the most compelling evidence comes in episode 16. Blaine has been in the city for a little while now but is still struggling to find himself. He’s started gaining some weight from comfort eating and he’s insecure about it. In this episode, the textual focus is actually on the change in their power dynamic, so here is where it’s most obvious. Blaine feels uncomfortable with Kurt being hit on by other men, but it’s shown that Kurt isn’t shutting these advances down at all. Blaine feels distinctly inferior to Kurt, and it’s fueling his insecurities. Kurt notices that Blaine’s insecure, but decides not to talk to him about it. Instead, he repeatedly comments on the food that Blaine’s eating, reinforcing Blaine’s insecurities about his weight, and tearing Blaine down further. There’s also an interesting scene in this episode where Kurt, Blaine, Artie, and Sam are all out getting dinner together, and Sam asks about a free clinic to get tested for STDs. Kurt answers and then throws in a comment about the time Blaine cheated. This visibly upsets Blaine, but he also seems annoyed by the comment. It’s wholly unnecessary and doesn’t add anything to the conversation, all it does is make Blaine feel bad. This is the second time this season we’ve seen Kurt bring this up for no reason and the casualness of the comment coupled with Blaine’s reaction implies that this may be something he brings up frequently. At this point, Blaine has again been brought low, the confidence he had temporarily built backup is gone because it was all based on Kurt. Kurt is at least somewhat aware of this but still doesn’t talk to Blaine about it. He halfheartedly reassures Blaine about his body (a surface symptom of the deeper problem) in between comments about his food, even convincing Blaine not to eat the (perfectly reasonable) food he made in favor of a salad. Then, he discovers a porn website on Blaine’s computer. He becomes very upset and angry about this, while Blaine is visibly uncomfortable. Kurt verbally says that Blaine can do whatever he wants on his own computer but gets increasingly angry. He yells at Blaine about how they haven’t had sex in a week but doesn’t question why, he just storms out. In the next scene they have together, Blaine enters their stage combat class, where Kurt already is, late. This already puts Kurt in higher standing within his environment. Blaine is angry and asks Kurt why he didn’t tell him that he didn’t want to walk to class together. Kurt is dismissive and says he just forgot, but his tone and body language doesn’t support this. Blaine asks if Kurt is still upset about the website, and Kurt says no, but his tone is still angry and dismissive. Blaine then suggests that they should talk about the fight, but Kurt shuts it down, saying, “You know, Blaine, sometimes I think we talk too much”. They start fencing, and Kurt, who knows that Blaine’s been struggling in this class, both with the content and with making friends, publicly embarrasses him in front of the whole class. Later, they finally have a conversation, but again, this is only happening after their problems reach a boiling point. Kurt comes home and asks Blaine what happened in combat class, saying “you were really coming at me,” not acknowledging that he too, was aggressive in his fighting, and being very confrontational (including closed-off body language). Blaine reveals that he feels like he has to prove himself. He feels like he’s falling behind Kurt and is unable to support and protect him, which had previously been an important aspect of their relationship all the way until Blaine moved to New York. Kurt is immediately unreceptive and angry. He says that Blaine shouldn’t want to be superior to Kurt and that they should want to be equals. Blaine quickly apologizes, feeling even worse about himself, but Blaine never says that he wants to be superior, just that he feels so far behind Kurt, and as we’ve established, Kurt has been systematically tearing Blaine down for years. Blaine tells Kurt that he feels terrible about himself and his body and feels like Kurt is going to judge him. Kurt claims that he would never judge Blaine, but again, had been making comments about the amount and type of food Blaine was eating. Blaine then says that he’s afraid that if he can’t do things for Kurt, Kurt will outgrow him, and once he no longer needs him, will stop loving him. This isn’t an unreasonable fear, as this is similar to what had happened when Kurt first moved to New York, but this also expresses a deeper fear of Blaine’s that can be traced back to his childhood. As shown in season 3 episode 15, Blaine had a very bad relationship with his older brother, Cooper. Cooper is shown as very selfish, always needing Blaine to be doing things for him and making every conversation about him. This not only mirrors a lot of Kurt’s behavior but also explains why Blaine feels he will be abandoned if he can’t do things for people. It’s already happened to him. Kurt says that he would never leave Blaine, which also proves to be false in season 6, but he also says that Blaine needs to tell him when he feels this way. However, Blaine tried twice, in the porn fight scene and in the stage combat scene, to talk about it, and Kurt shut it down both times. Again, Kurt is putting all the emotional burden on Blaine, deflecting his own fault, and gaslighting Blaine about previous events. Finally, they make up, but in the final scene, Blaine seems to have developed an eating disorder, and Kurt says that they have decided to eat out less often and work out more, but Kurt was already doing those things. Another example of Kurt trying to control what Blaine eats.
Moving on to the rest of season 5, in episode 18, Kurt invites Blaine to perform with him for June Dolloway. Blaine kills his performance and June asks only him to be her project. Suddenly, their dynamic has shifted again. This is a major success for Blaine, and Kurt’s been stalling recently. Blaine now has a lot more power and we see a glimpse of the old Blaine return when he performs for and with June. However, Kurt doesn’t react well to this throughout Blaine’s time with June. Immediately once Blaine gets picked, Blaine feels guilty about it, almost turning it down. Kurts assures him that it’s fine, but qualifies it by saying that it’ll be good for both of them, even saying it’s “[their] careers” instead of Blaine’s career. Later in the episode, Blaine and Kurt are finally having time together after Blaine has been spending a lot of time with June, Kurt says, “I’m upset with you,” and Blaine immediately looks terrified. He freezes, tenses, and panics. He’s walking on eggshells around Kurt, and no one should ever be scared of their partner. As with the flowers scene in season 3, Blaine is genuinely worried that Kurt will be upset about him taking an opportunity because Kurt wanted it for himself. Kurt is generally only supportive when it’s potentially beneficial to him. Blaine is so worried about upsetting Kurt that he decides to lie to him and tell him that he’s in the showcase June is organizing for Blaine. In episode 19, Blaine gives up a big opportunity with June to go to Kurt’s show, and then the storyline finishes in episode 20. Blaine fails to convince June to let Kurt into the showcase and is forced to confess to Kurt. Blaine attempts to explain the situation, but Kurt says he can’t trust Blaine or anything he says, and then reacts physically, throwing a bag of food onto the floor. Blaine jumps to his feet, apologizing and explaining that he didn’t know what else to do because he was scared of hurting Kurt’s feelings, but Kurt just storms out. Now, of course, Blaine shouldn’t have lied, but only a few episodes earlier in episode 14, Kurt lied about Blaine not crowding him so as not to hurt his feelings. Kurt does similar things all the time, but Blaine has to suffer for it. Later in episode 20, Kurt and Blaine talk again. Blaine, visibly upset, says that he doesn’t want to do the showcase because Kurt is more important to him, implying that he thinks he has to give up a major opportunity for his career for Kurt. Kurt responds by coming up with a confusing metaphor, waxing poetic at Blaine (sarcasm and figures of speech are something that Blaine already struggles to understand throughout the show), dragging it out, and making it sound very bad, so Blaine keeps apologizing. Then Kurt finally stops him. He says he understands what happened, and even, for the first time, takes some responsibility. He acknowledges that the way he was acting would have led Blaine to believe that lying was the only option. This is Kurt’s best reaction to a fight across the show, but it shouldn’t have gotten here. And because, yet again, Kurt pushed Blaine until he snapped and messed up, Kurt is the one with the power. He’s the one to forgive, and Blaine is the one who has to relentlessly apologize and then thank Kurt when he forgives him. And sure enough, because Blaine is so dependent on Kurt, he is incredibly relieved when Kurt forgives him, and thanks him repeatedly. He’s very physical here too, hugging Kurt, but Kurt is, again, very closed off, not very receptive. Blaine, again suggests that he won’t do the showcase without Kurt, and although Kurt does tell him to do it, it’s insane that this is even a question in Blaine’s mind. Plus the whole “I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” “Yeah pretty much,” interaction just rubs me the wrong way. In the end, Blaine risks his partnership with June to sing with Kurt anyway, which again, he shouldn’t have had to do. Every time Blaine is more successful, he tries to lift Kurt up to his level, even when it’s risky for him, but Kurt constantly tears Blaine down, even when he’s in a better position. Finally (for this point), let’s talk about the trainwreck that is season 6.
Season 6 is a lot more complex when it comes to power dynamics specifically. At the beginning of episode 1, they've broken up, and it’s had a profound effect on Blaine. He got very depressed, which makes sense, because he’s become so reliant on Kurt, got cut from NYADA, had to move back to Lima, and he wasn’t even able to play music for a while. He still seems to be struggling emotionally, while Kurt is in New York at NYADA, and initially, in the episode, it seems like Kurt is doing well. However, when Kurt comes back to Lima this shifts again. Kurt wants to get back together with Blaine, but Blaine is dating someone else, Dave Karofsky, and seems fairly happy in this new relationship. And because the focus of their arc this season is their journey to get back together, at this point, Blaine holds more power. It doesn’t matter that Kurt is in a better place in his life and career, because not only is that not the focus, but Kurt is now also in Lima. Blaine has begun the process to move on from Kurt, and this has happened once previously in their relationship, back in season 4, and just like in season 4, right as Blaine begins to move on, Kurt decides to reenter his life. Of course, the difference here is that Kurt hasn’t attempted to move on like he did in season 4. His sole purpose is to get Blaine back, and this actually gives Blaine more power because Kurt is openly pursuing him, instead of subtly leading him on. But before we continue with season 6, let’s do a closer analysis of the breakup scene, because I think, like season 5 episode 16, it illustrates a lot of the problems in the relationship very clearly.
This scene is shown via flashback, and Kurt is the one having the flashback. This is interesting because it’s been established, at this point in the episode, that Blaine and Kurt have been broken up for months, and based on Kurt’s reaction to this memory, this is the first time Kurt has dealt with the breakup. We see he remembers this scene, starts crying, and then the next time we see him, he’s back in Lima to get Blaine back. So, the flashback begins with Blaine arriving at the restaurant, it’s raining heavily. Kurt is already there, waiting for him. Blaine is very happy. He apologizes for being slightly late, explaining that it’s because of the rain and because he had stopped to check on a venue for their wedding. He seems very excited about this venue. The camera pans over and we see Kurt’s face for the first time. He looks annoyed, and he asks why he’s always the first to arrive. Blaine’s face falls a little but he explains again, repeating that he found a venue that’s available for their wedding, still excited about it. Kurt, again, doesn’t respond to this and just changes the subject to ordering food, annoyed. Blaine’s face changes, and he seems to register that Kurt isn’t going to respond positively to this step in the wedding planning. He says that he doesn’t want to fight, but he feels like he’s the one who’s been doing all the wedding planning. Kurt says nothing, just passive-aggressively puts down his menu, and stares at Blaine in an accusatory way. Blaine, very genuinely and earnestly, asks Kurt what’s wrong, actually begging Kurt to just talk to him, and asks him if he’s having second thoughts about the wedding. Kurt doesn’t flat out answer the question, instead, he says, “Have you noticed how exhausting it’s been ever since you moved back in?” The way the question is phrased puts the fault on Blaine in two ways. First, it asks him if he’s noticed that living together has been exhausting, instead of Kurt saying that he, personally, has been struggling. It frames it as an objective truth that Blaine has failed to notice. Secondly, Kurt says, “since you moved back in” putting the struggle to live together on Blaine. He doesn’t say, since we started living together again, or since we moved back in, he says, since you moved back in. This also has undertones that Blaine is an outsider in Kurt’s home. An invading force, rather than a partnership, and it implies that Kurt has made no progress in the weeks or months since season 5 episode 14 and that allowing Blaine to put in the office space was just a surface level change (s5e20). Kurt angrily brings up a fight that they had over him wiping his mouth off with a towel while there was toothpaste on his face. His tone indicates that he thinks that this is a stupid fight over nothing, but Blaine responds, “Well, how is someone else supposed to use it when you leave it like that”. This suggests that this genuinely matters to him, and not that he was picking a fight over nothing, as Kurt seems to think. Moreover, the way Blaine says it is a bit angry, which is a little unusual for him, and could indicate that Kurt often brushes off these things that bother Blaine. Kurt, getting increasingly angry, says that he thinks that they’re failing at living together. Blaine, also getting angry, says “Thank you for finally saying something truthful. Where's that guy been...you’ve been completely aloof and...totally remote and distant. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore”. These lines give a lot of insight into their relationship. As we’ve discussed, when they fight, Kurt tends to get very closed off and withdrawn, something we also see in this scene. Even as Blaine is saying these things, Kurt is withdrawn, not making eye contact, and passive-aggressively nodding. But this line suggests that this is something Kurt does whenever there are any problems. This is also supported by previous fights, see season 5 episode 16, and season 3 episode 20. Kurt doesn’t like talking about relationship problems (or even potential problems like in s3e20), and instead just avoids them, often meaning that Blaine ends up needing to handle it. Blaine continues by saying, “I feel like you’re just silently judging me”. This is the second time Blaine has expressed concerns about Kurt judging him during a fight (the first time was in s5e16), which could speak to his own insecurities, however, the Blaine we see in season 2, was not like this. He had some normal teenage doubts, but this kind of deep-seated insecurity wasn’t present. This has slowly been introduced to Blaine’s character throughout his relationship with Kurt, and although Kurt says he wouldn’t judge Blaine (s5e16), as we discussed, he does. Blaine constantly feeling judged by Kurt even after season 5 episode 16 suggests that Kurt hasn’t actually changed any of his behaviors and is still making comments that make Blaine uncomfortable. Blaine asks if Kurt even wants to marry him, and Kurt blurts out, “Maybe I don’t!” He then withdraws back into himself again, looking away and refusing to answer when Blaine asks him what changed. Since Kurt refuses to speak, Blaine starts to cry and asks Kurt if he did something to cause this. Kurt still doesn’t respond. Blaine says that he loves Kurt and that he knows that they can make it work. Kurt says that he loves Blaine too, but that they’re too young and that they should give up before they hate each other. This exchange, too, shows the differences in how they approach this relationship. Blaine is willing to work on the relationship. He wants to be with Kurt, and he would go to the end of the earth to keep them together. Kurt isn’t willing to do this. He just wants the relationship to function without working for it. And because Blaine is very dependent on the relationship for his confidence and self-esteem, he is generally willing to do much more work to maintain it than Kurt. But because Kurt isn’t willing to discuss problems until after a blow-up, that’s still not enough. Kurt has kept his voice and face empty and cold for most of the fight, and even as Blaine breaks down, he maintains this. Blaine tells Kurt that he’ll never forgive him, and then the flashback ends.
The season 6 break up fight is distinct from the others in that both the show and Kurt himself acknowledge that it was Kurt’s fault. He’s the one who needs to apologize, and this changes the power dynamic too. In all the other fights, in the end, Blaine is the one who apologizes, so Kurt has the power to accept or reject said apology. The texting fight in season 3 is the most similar, but Blaine is framed as unreasonable for being upset during that fight and in the end, he’s the one who ends up apologizing and resolving the issues. But this fight also doesn’t resolve itself immediately. Kurt’s apology doesn’t fix their relationship, and they stay broken up for most of the season. However, their power dynamic doesn’t stay the same for the rest of the season. The first real shift comes in episode 4. Up until this point, Blaine has seemed pretty comfortable in his relationship and Kurt has been chasing Blaine and not seeing anyone else. This changes in episode 4 though, Kurt starts talking to a guy online, Walter, and when he tells Blaine about it, it becomes incredibly clear that Blaine hasn’t gotten over Kurt. His relationship is being sabotaged, so that tether to moving forward is weakened. While Blaine obviously isn’t over Kurt, he is very supportive of Kurt trying to move on and doesn’t say anything bad to Kurt about it. And while his body language and tone indicate that he is sad about Kurt moving on, it’s much more bittersweet than anything. This contrasts with Kurt’s reaction to finding out about Karofsky. He’s been bitter, angry, and up until this episode was undermining their relationship with snide comments. At this point, they’ve leveled out, Kurt is entering a new relationship, and Blaine’s relationship is on shaky ground. Episodes 5 and 6 continue this pattern, as Blaine and Karofsky get rockier and Kurt and Walter get stronger. Kurt now is back above Blaine. He’s moving on, but he’s still available, but Blaine is getting pulled back into Kurt and is in a relationship. Episode 7 is where we see another major change in their relationship. Kurt manipulates the random duet wheel to get Blaine chosen as his duet partner even though he’s kind of dating Walter. Blaine mentions that Dave still thinks that there’s something between Kurt and Blaine. Then, after they sing their duet, they start talking about their relationship, specifically their early relationship in season 2, and Blaine kisses Kurt. Before the kiss, they’re talking about their first duet, way back before they even started dating, which was when Blaine was his happiest and most confident. This brings back false nostalgia for a time when Blaine was both confident and happy with Kurt, a time that never really existed since Kurt started tearing Blaine down right as they start dating. However, memories like this are what is being conjured for Blaine, and in an effort to recapture this, he kisses Kurt. Of course, he has a boyfriend, so immediately afterward he rushes off. Now the power is wholly on Kurt. Blaine has betrayed his new relationship and his feelings. He’s revealed that he’s still in love with Kurt, and now Kurt, just like season 4, has two vying love interests. Kurt has the power to choose, whereas Blaine’s relationship with Karofsky is doomed. More than that, Kurt has actively been pursuing Blaine even through this episode, and he's done the thing he always does where he pushes right up to something without explicitly crossing boundaries until Blaine snaps and acts. In this particular situation, this has flipped the power dynamic so now instead of Kurt having to try and get Blaine to come back to him, Blaine is the one who’s going to try and go back to Kurt. Sure enough, Blaine and Dave break up and Blaine goes to try and get back together with Kurt, but Kurt is going out with Walter. Blaine says nothing, he doesn’t criticize Walter or say anything snarky, he just lets Kurt go, reinforcing that Kurt has the power. In episode 8 we get the reunion. Kurt cuts it off with Walter, but the way he does so is interesting. He says, “I’m going to the wedding with Blaine,” but he hadn’t asked Blaine to get back together with him or go to the wedding with him. He seems so sure that it’ll work out with Blaine, even though he doesn’t seem to know that Blaine and Dave broke up. He shows up at Blaine’s apartment, confesses his love, and asks Blaine to go to the wedding with him. And initially, it may seem like Blaine has the power here, but on deeper inspection, there isn’t any risk here for Kurt, and he knows this. The second Blaine kissed Kurt, it becomes clear that Blaine would go back to him as soon as Kurt would take him. Their interaction here shows this, Kurt does say, “Unless there’s someone else,” but it’s tacked on, a formality (I also think this line shows that he didn’t know about Karofsky), and Blaine immediately responds, “There’s no one else”. He doesn’t even hesitate. When it comes down to it, Kurt is the only person for Blaine.
But let’s briefly sidebar and talk about how that isn’t true for Kurt, and how that gives him power over Blaine. Kurt doesn’t really care about who Blaine is, he cares how Blaine is making him feel, and if someone else came along that could make him feel that way, he would probably leave. This is a bold claim to make, so let’s look at some evidence. In season 5 episode 1, Kurt talks to Burt about whether he should say yes to Blaine’s proposal. On this car ride, he looks nauseous and wildly uncomfortable. He tells Burt that he isn’t sure if he wants to marry Blaine, and says “[Blaine] makes me feel so connected and so safe and loved, and I don’t think I’m ever going to find someone else who’s going to make me feel like that”. He says he loves Blaine, but that statement also implies that if someone else came along that could do those things, Blaine would lose the thing that makes him valuable to Kurt. Blaine’s proposal speaks to how well he knows Kurt, it’s grand, romantic, and nostalgic. It’s everything that Kurt enjoys, but Kurt seems uncomfortable through most of it. Blaine is relentlessly supportive of Kurt, but Kurt rarely supports Blaine, because what he values in Blaine is what he can do for him. In his wedding vows he talks about how Blaine pushes the shadows away from Kurt so he can shine (s6e8). That’s what’s most important to him. Kurt tries to date Adam, and initially, he seems to really click with him. Adam compliments Kurt a lot (s4e11), and as shown in season 3 episode 17, this is something that Kurt responds to. However, once he realizes that this doesn’t fulfill him in the same way (s4e15), he drops Adam very quickly (s5e1). Every time Blaine looks at Kurt, it’s so clear how in love with Kurt he is, but very rarely do we see this in Kurt. This gives Kurt the ability to mess around and play with Blaine’s feelings, knowing that if he ever wants to come back to Blaine, he’ll be there. Because there’s no one else.
Finishing season 6, Blaine and Kurt decide to get married (well, Blaine makes the call because Kurt refuses to give straight answers to anyone), and we’ve looked at Kurt’s vows, but let’s look at Blaine’s. Blaine says that he didn’t think that he would ever find love (s6e8). This is pretty worrying. Blaine was fifteen when he met Kurt, and he’s only nineteen or twenty now, so this speaks to how deep Blaine’s insecurities run at this point in his life. After the wedding, Blaine and Kurt seem to be in a good place. Their relationship isn’t the focus of the rest of the season, so we don’t see much of them until episode 13, but they seem to be on equal ground. Then in episode 13, we get a powerful insight into the direction their relationship is headed, but it’s actually not the flashforward. Early in the episode, Blaine and Sam have a conversation about Sam coming back to New York. Sam says no, and one of the reasons he cites is that there are too many sports teams and he doesn’t know who to root for. Blaine responds, “We just root for whichever one’s winning,” and Sam says, “Ok, that’s something Kurt would say”. This is already concerning on its own, but Blaine just says, “That’s what happens when you get married”. Football is something that Blaine has always liked. In season 2 episode 7, Blaine mentions that he’s a college football fan, and in that scene, Kurt changes the subject almost immediately. Then, in season 4 episode 10, we see Blaine and Burt bonding over sports. It’s something that he’s always liked, and him starting to have this sucked out of him is concerning. Kurt is slowly taking away Blaine’s interests, controlling him more. Sam even looks worried when Blaine says this. In that same scene, Blaine almost sounds like he’s trying to convince himself that he’s happy, or at least convince Sam that there’s nothing wrong. Finally, we see Blaine and Kurt five years later. They seem happy, but they’re having a baby, and while there’s nothing strictly wrong with that, having a baby as performers in their mid-twenties (24-26) seems like an odd choice. Both of them can’t work 8 shows a week and have a child, so what’s their plan going forward. They’re so young, in New York, there’s no reason for it. To wrap up this section of the analysis, Blaine is introduced as a very confident young man, but Kurt systematically tears Blaine down in order to not only feel superior to Blaine but also to control him. He frequently talks about how important trust is in a relationship, and he weaponizes this against Blaine, constantly telling him how he doesn’t trust him (s4e7, s5e17, s5e20). He lies to Blaine, demeans his feelings and accomplishments, and manipulates him.
Support: Blaine vs. Kurt
Earlier, I presented the claim that Kurt isn’t very supportive of Blaine, especially in comparison to how supportive Blaine is, and how this coupled with the amount Kurt tears Blaine down creates an environment where Kurt has a lot of power and control over Blaine, so here are some examples of this. The first example of Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 2 episode 12. Kurt convinces the Warblers to do the Gap Attack, but when he realizes that he isn’t the guy Blaine has a crush on and it no longer benefits him, he has to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. As discussed, in season 3 episode 3, Kurt congratulates Blaine on getting Tony, but this is only after discouraging Blaine to audition and being visibly upset when he was asked to read for Tony. In season 3 episode 11, Kurt is pretty good about Blaine’s surgery, however, he doesn’t even consult Blaine or his family when he gets direct evidence of Sebastian committing a felony, just hands the evidence over to Sebastian. In season 3 episode 15, Kurt gives Blaine advice on talking to Cooper, but this is after he spent the entire episode fawning over him when it clearly made Blaine uncomfortable. In season 3 episode 19, Kurt tells Blaine not to put hair gel back in after Brittney forces him to take it out at prom. However, this comes after Kurt mocked Blaine’s insecurities and laughed at him when he showed up to prom with his hair out. We see little to no examples of Kurt being supportive after he leaves for New York. The next time we see Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 5 episode 6. Blaine is freaking out about auditioning for NYADA, and Kurt is very gentle and calming. However, this isn’t wholly unselfish. Kurt wants Blaine to come to New York, to go to the same school as him, it’s season 3 episode 1 all over again. He even pressured Blaine to sing at the diner when he looked visibly uncomfortable with it in the name of support. We also see him celebrating Blaine getting into NYADA in episode 12, but this is the bare minimum of support. He is cautiously supportive of Blaine getting picked up by June, but this is also selfish. He talks multiple times about how this will benefit his career (s5e18), and him eventually telling Blaine to do the showcase even without him is, again, the absolute bare minimum (s5e20). However, there are a few times where Kurt was genuinely supportive of Blaine without an ulterior motive. The first example of this is in season 2 episode 20. Kurt asks Blaine to prom, but Blaine tells Kurt that he was bullied at a Sadie Hawking’s dance before he transferred to Dalton. Kurt is immediately sympathetic and encourages him to stand up to the bullies while saying that if Blaine is uncomfortable with going, they won’t. And in season 6 episode 10 when Dalton burns down, he’s very good about handling it, but it’s saying something that those two are the only strong examples of Kurt being genuinely supportive, speaks volumes. (There are also three times in the show where Blaine tells Kurt that he loves him and Kurt either doesn’t say it back or hangs up before he even hears Blaine, once in season 4 episode 4 (5:25), once in season 5 episode 9 (12:50), and again in season 5 episode 19 (33:20), and it just bothers me a little.)
Let’s compare this to Blaine. In season 2, Blaine helps Kurt around Dalton (s2e6), helps Kurt with Karofsky (s2e6), laughs at Kurt’s jokes when no one else does (s2e9), helps Kurt adjust to the Warblers (s2e9), helps him with Pavarotti (s2e9), convinces Burt to give Kurt the sex talk (s2e15), gets Kurt a duet for Regionals and making it something that’s in Kurt’s wheelhouse (s2e16), giving Kurt a pep talk before he goes on stage (s2e16), goes to prom with Kurt despite his past trauma (s2e20), helps Kurt calm down after he’s elected prom queen (s2e20), and dances with Kurt after Karofsky runs out (s2e20). In season 3, Blaine transfers to WMHS for Kurt (s3e1), is very supportive of Kurt when he loses the student council election and tells him not to give up on NYADA (s3e7), pushes Kurt out of the way, and takes Sebastian’s Slushee (s3e11), congratulates Kurt on his NYADA audition even when he’s about to get surgery (s3e11), and is very supportive of Kurt through his panic about his audition (s3e18). In season 4, Blaine tells Kurt that New York is where he belongs and encourages him to leave (s4e1), supports Kurt’s music video even though Kurt is being wildly unsupportive of him throughout it (s4e4), and assures Kurt that he’ll always be there for him even if they aren’t together (s4e10). In season 5, Blaine agrees to fly out to NYC in the middle of the school week with only a few days notice (s5e7), gives Kurt advice on Elliot when Kurt is being paranoid (s5e9), stays with Kurt in the hospital when he gets attacked (s5e15), is very happy for Kurt when he reveals he got picked for June’s show even before Kurt offered him a part (s5e18), chooses to go to Kurt’s nursing home performance over a big opportunity with June (s5e19), and inviting Kurt to perform with him at June’s show even though it could cost him the partnership (s5e20). In season 6, Blaine does all the wedding planning (s6e1), never says a bad word about Kurt dating other people when Kurt was antagonistic and cruel about him dating Karofsky (s6e4, s6e7), and pushes the glitter bomb box out of Kurt’s hands, physically protecting him again (s6e11). This is just the shortlist, and very few of them are selfishly motivated at all. In fact, many of them actively go against his own interests and involve giving up opportunities. This dichotomy is a prime example of what reinforces Kurt’s power over Blaine. Blaine is willing to give up everything for Kurt and gives him everything he has, but Kurt not only won’t do the same in return but exploits Blaine’s generosity.
Cheating and Double Standards
So, let’s talk about cheating, romantic jealousy, and the double standard of their relationship. Kurt is immediately possessive of Blaine, even before they start dating. He puts a picture of Blaine in his locker within a week of meeting him (s2e6). In season 2 episode 12, Blaine reveals that he has a crush on another guy, and Kurt, who had constructed a relationship with Blaine in his head, gets very upset. Despite being all too willing to help Blaine when he thought it was about him, he needs to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. Then, in season 2 episode 14, Kurt gets extremely jealous about Rachel and Blaine kissing and going on a date even though they’re not dating yet. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine meets Sebastian Smythe for the first time. Immediately, Sebastian hits on Blaine very aggressively, but it clearly makes Blaine extremely uncomfortable. Blaine agrees to go to The Lima Bean with Sebastian, and Sebastian continues to hit on Blaine, even more overtly this time. Blaine looks even more uncomfortable and quickly and forcefully shuts Sebastian down multiple times, talking about his boyfriend and how much he loves him. Despite Blaine being in the middle of shutting Sebastian down as Kurt shows up, Kurt is immediately very jealous and possessive. Sebastian suggests that they all go out to the local gay bar, and while Blaine seems interested, he turns it down because he knows Kurt isn’t. Kurt agrees to go but to rival Sebastian, not because Blaine wants to go. Then when they do go out, Kurt decides to spend the night moping at the bar instead of dancing with Blaine. However, Blaine keeps looking over at him, clearly wanting him to come dance with them. He’s not dancing inappropriately with Sebastian, he’s just trying to have fun, and Kurt’s being weird for no reason. He’s really happy when Kurt comes to dance with them, and there’s obviously nothing insidious going on. However, when Kurt and Blaine are fighting and Kurt is bringing up mostly good points, he also throws in that Blaine spent half the night dancing with another guy, which again, was not Blaine’s fault. Then, Blaine has to swear to Kurt that Sebastian doesn’t mean anything to him when he’s been shutting down his advances the whole episode and is clearly not interested. It seems like Kurt believes that Blaine doesn’t have feelings for Sebastian, but he acts exceptionally jealous every time Sebastian shows up, and Kurt talks about him so often that Blaine yells at Kurt to stop bringing him up in season 3 episode 14.
In season 3 episode 17, we have the first cheating scandal. Kurt needs music for his NYADA audition, and he tells Blaine this and asks him to go to the music store, Between the Sheets with him. Blaine seems upset and says he can’t. Kurt doesn’t ask him why he can’t go or why he’s upset, just decides to go on his own. At Between the Sheets, Kurt meets a guy, Chandler. Chandler is very complimentary towards Kurt immediately, which Kurt responds very positively to. Then, as he���s leaving, Chandler’s comments turn flirtatious and he asks for Kurt’s phone number. Despite it being very clear that Chandler is hitting on him, Kurt gives him his number and doesn’t mention that he has a boyfriend. Kurt starts texting regularly with Chandler. The texts are very flirty, and although Kurt initially doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with it, once Rachel calls him out, he does seem to realize that it isn’t innocent. He says that Blaine hasn’t been complimenting him or trying to have sex with him recently, but he hasn’t spoken to Blaine about it. He texts with Chandler while ignoring Blaine, who is visibly upset, during Rachel and Santana’s duet. Later in the episode, Blaine ends up reading the text messages between Chandler and Kurt. He’s very upset and says that it’s cheating. Kurt denies that it’s cheating and compares it to Blaine talking to Sebastian. Blaine denies this, saying that he didn’t have feelings for Sebastian, and Kurt has feelings for this guy. I agree with Blaine in this situation. He didn’t have feelings for Sebastian and made it clear that it made him uncomfortable when Sebastian hit on him. Kurt does have feelings for Chandler, he was reciprocating the flirting, it’s a different situation, and Kurt is in the wrong. Moreover, considering that Kurt has been ignoring Blaine in favor of Chandler, I do think it’s reasonable to consider this cheating. It’s also notable that sex is not, and never has been, the most important thing to Kurt in a relationship. It’s important in the same way it would be to most teenage boys, but it isn’t how he primarily displays intimacy, so Kurt not having sex with this guy doesn’t mean that he’s not pursuing him. However, Kurt continues to deny that he did anything wrong. He justifies it by saying that Blaine never compliments him. He then says that it’s hard to be Blaine’s boyfriend because everyone wants to be with him. Blaine says that Kurt should have talked to him about it, but Kurt ignores this and continues to dismiss Blaine’s concerns. He doesn’t apologize, he only says that he’s sorry if it made Blaine feel uncomfortable. He tries to dismiss Blaine’s feelings again by saying “it’s ok”, and Blaine storms out. They sing some dramatic songs at each other, Kurt denies that what he did was cheating yet again. Kurt brings Blaine to talk to Emma. Blaine is very upset and vents about a lot of issues he has with Kurt being rude and not respecting boundaries, and then he reveals that he actually is more upset about Kurt preparing to leave for New York than anything else. He’s upset that Kurt keeps talking about it in every conversation because he feels like Kurt’s running away from him and is going to abandon him (which will prove very prescient). Kurt promises that he’ll never do that and Blaine shouldn’t worry. Kurt never admits that what he did was wrong, but at the end of the episode, he says that he told Chandler to stop texting him. Unlike Kurt with Sebastian, Blaine never mentions Chandler again (unless you count that one line from Tina’s body-swapping dream thing, but that’s not real, so I choose to believe that Tina is just outraged in Blaine’s honor), and seems to not only have moved on but forgiven him as well.
Let’s move on to the next significant cheating incident, season 4 episode 4. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine since he got to New York. In the previous episode, he ignored a call from Blaine on a night he knew was important to him, the night of the senior class president election, to chat with his coworkers about nonwork-related things (s4e3). and early in the episode, Blaine and Brittney have a conversation about how hard it is for them now that it seems like Kurt and Santana are too busy for them. Kurt calls Blaine (in the middle of the school day), but he immediately has to go. He says that the phones won’t stop ringing at work, Blaine is understanding and tells Kurt he can call him back later. Kurt says he can’t because he’s working until midnight. Kurt says that he understands that it’s frustrating, but this could be a career for him. Blaine says that he understands and then attempts to communicate about the issues he’s having and what he’s feeling. He says that he really misses Kurt, and says “I miss talking to you, and I miss hugging you, and I miss messing around with you,” confirming that they’ve barely interacted in a while. Kurt says, “But you’re coming in two weeks, right?” as if it’s ok for them not to talk for weeks. Two weeks is a long time, especially because when they were first discussing this in season 3, Kurt assured Blaine that he would Skype him every day and that they would see each other every weekend (although even then, he says that Blaine will come and visit him, and never offers to visit Blaine in Lima) (s3e17) and then Kurt had put off practical conversations about doing long distance in favor of flowery language and empty promises even when Blaine actively tried to initiate conversations about it (s3e22). Kurt has broken his word to Blaine and isn’t being a good partner. Blaine expresses that he doesn’t know how he’s going to handle waiting two weeks, seeming genuinely worried and upset, but Kurt doesn’t even acknowledge this. He says that someone is calling with good gossip and that he has to go. He says he’ll call or text Blaine on a break and hangs up without another word, not even waiting long enough to hear Blaine say “I love you” to him. This deeply hurts Blaine, and throughout Barely Breathing we see him calling Kurt, feeling lonely, and then talking to another guy on Facebook. Blaine shows up at Kurt’s apartment on Friday night, which means he would have had to leave straight from school, and since he seems to only decided to go the night before at the earliest, it would have been wildly expensive. Throughout his time in New York, Blaine is clearly upset, and to his credit, Kurt does ask him about it several times, and Blaine eventually admits that he cheated on Kurt. Kurt’s first reaction is to say, “It was Sebastian, wasn’t it?” really nailing home that he still hasn’t forgotten about that, and that he already didn’t really trust Blaine. Blaine says it wasn’t and tries to explain to Kurt that it didn’t mean anything. Kurt asks who it was again. This upsets Blaine further, and he says “It doesn’t matter who it was with, Kurt, what matters is that I was by myself. I needed you. I needed you around, and you weren’t there.” That is the crux of the issue. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine, and both of the times we see him do this are explicitly for gossip, not essential work reasons. It’s implied, though, that he’s been doing this a lot, and if the only two times the audience is shown this are both inessential reasons, it can be extrapolated that these aren’t isolated (s4e3, s4e4). Blaine has tried to raise his concerns, but at every step of the way, Kurt shut him down, brushed him off, and refused to talk about it (s3e17, s3e22, s4e3, s4e4). Kurt has been a bad boyfriend, and unlike season 3 episode 17, Blaine actually tried to reach out to talk about it before he cheated, whereas Kurt didn’t. Blaine says that he was lonely and made a mistake, but that he’s really sorry. Kurt says he’s been feeling the same way, but he didn’t act on it because he knew how awful it was. While this is totally fair, it’s important to note that Kurt has a whole exciting new life and career in New York. He has a lot to look forward to and to keep him busy and distracted, and Blaine’s been supporting him in this (s4e3). However, Blaine is in Lima, there’s very little going on, and even being at McKinley is a constant reminder of Kurt and his absence. The few things in his life that were exciting for him were belittled, demeaned, and overshadowed by Kurt (s4e3). Blaine felt Kurt pulling away because of his new life, something he had been terrified of might happen (s3e17). Kurt knew that this was an insecurity of Blaine’s, and yet he doesn’t put any effort into assuaging his fears. Blaine shouldn’t have cheated, I’m certainly not saying it was justified, but Kurt contributed significantly to the problems in the relationship that led to this action, and that shouldn’t be overlooked. Blaine apologizes again, but Kurt rushes off. On what presumably is the next Monday, since the breakup happened on a Friday so there wouldn’t have been school the next day, Finn is back in Lima and he talks to Blaine. Blaine says that he doesn’t know why he cheated on Kurt, but now Kurt won’t talk to him and he doesn’t even know if they’re broken up, despite, again, three days passing. We see Kurt at work. He seems upset, but also says that he’ll be ok.
We see Blaine continue to beat himself up for a large amount of season 4, all the way through episode 11, where he starts to move on. In episode 7, Blaine is torturing himself about cheating. He almost leaves WMHS, but Sam talks to him about it. He affirms that it was a one night stand, that he felt nothing, and that he immediately regretted it. Kurt is upset for a while, but he refuses to take any responsibility. He also talks about how he doesn’t want to forgive Blaine because he wants him to feel bad, and only decides to accept Blaine’s apology for himself (s4e8). He calls Blaine right before Blaine is about to perform after ghosting him for weeks, but only to remind Blaine that he doesn’t forgive him and to lie to him about coming back to Lima for Christmas (s4e8). Kurt isn’t required to forgive Blaine, but he keeps holding it over Blaine’s head, reminding him of what he’s lost while he’s struggling, and given that he previously said that he wanted Blaine to suffer, it colors it slightly. On Christmas, Kurt decides not to go back to Lima for Christmas despite promising Blaine, and when Blaine comes to New York, he feels the need to ask, “You are happy to see me, right?” despite Kurt having said previously that he wanted to see Blaine for Christmas. Both Kurt and Blaine start to move on in season 4 episode 11, and although Blaine’s crush on Sam is real, he’s still very clearly in love with Kurt. Kurt is trying much harder to move on, and his relationship with Adam seems to have the potential to become more serious. He’s already pretty close with Adam in season 4 episode 13, and it seems like Adam is very interested in Kurt.
The next major turn of events comes in season 4 episode 14. At Will and Emma’s wedding, Blaine and Kurt are making out, and Kurt mentions that he shouldn’t be doing this because he’s kind of dating someone in New York. Blaine, somewhat desperately, assures him that it’s ok because he’s not in New York and it’s not exclusive. Kurt agrees but clarifies that this doesn’t mean that they’re back together. Blaine agrees, saying it’s just “bros helping bros”, but clearly he doesn’t actually feel that way. He’s still in love with Kurt, while Kurt is starting to move on. Kurt spends the entire reception flirting with Blaine while saying that he doesn’t want to get back together, and that would be fine if Blaine was in the same place as Kurt. But he isn’t. Blaine is just trying to claw his way out of the darkest place he’s ever been in, and he’s using Kurt to do this, but this isn’t healthy. He’s been conditioned to feel like he needs Kurt to feel worthy, and this is only reinforcing this. Kurt is also weirdly jealous when he finds out about the Tina situation for someone who isn’t interested in Blaine. Also, Tina makes fantastic points in that argument. Kurt and Blaine hook up, and Kurt, again, reiterates that they’re not getting back together, but Blaine isn’t in a place to see them having sex as casual and insignificant. He is viewing it as more, and Kurt is the older, more mature one, and he knows how Blaine feels. He is leading Blaine on by playing into it. Having sex, going on dates, he’s not letting Blaine move on like he is.
Speaking of Kurt moving on, let’s talk about Adam. Adam deserved better, even after that horrendous Baby Got Back performance. Adam genuinely likes Kurt. Immediately, he seems to care very deeply for Kurt and is very supportive and complimentary of him (s4e11, s4e13). However, this isn’t enough for Kurt. He still feels the need to have Blaine there for him too, so he sleeps with him despite kind of dating Adam (s4e14). Then in season 4 episode 15, Santana asks Kurt about him sleeping with Blaine at the wedding in front of Adam, and Kurt shushes her, trying to hide it from Adam as if he’s aware that he probably shouldn’t have done it. It probably wasn’t cheating in the strictest sense, but Adam does seem upset, although whether it’s by Kurt sleeping with Blaine or Kurt trying to hide it is unclear. They watch Moulin Rouge, and Kurt imagines himself singing Come What May with Blaine. He starts crying and Adam asks him about it. He lies to Adam’s face, lies to him about wearing contacts, tries to convince Rachel to go along with it, and would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for Santana. Santana calls him out, asking him if he’s crying because he used to say that he wanted to sing that duet with Blaine at their wedding. Kurt tries to shut it down, but Santana is unbothered and continues, saying she once heard Kurt say that singing that song was “a more intimate act than sex”. Adam looks a little confused and upset but doesn’t say anything. Kurt tries to leave, and Santana changes the subject. This comment from Santana confirms that Kurt is first and foremost a romantic, and that sex is not the most important thing to him. Later, after the storm is over, Adam talks to Kurt about Santana’s comment. He asks Kurt if he used to sing that song with Blaine, and Kurt says yes, but tries to minimize it. Adam asks if Kurt still loves Blaine. He doesn’t respond. Then Adam asks if he was Kurt’s rebound, saying that he can’t compete with a fantasy. Kurt says no and that he “desperately” wants to be over Blaine. Adam says that they’re going to go watch a sappy romantic movie to be their movie and to try and help Kurt move on. In season 5 episode 1, Blaine asks Kurt what the deal is with Adam, and Kurt claims that it never got serious, but the last time we saw Adam, it seemed like they were headed in that direction. Kurt mentions that he’s still seeing Adam in season 4 episode 17, and Sam mentions that Blaine didn’t know where Kurt and Adam stood in season 4 episode 22. We never see any indication that their relationship stopped, but Kurt agrees to start dating Blaine again, and then he’s dating Kurt for days before Blaine proposes, but as we find out in season 5 episode 4, Adam kicked Kurt out of the Adam’s Apples when he found out Kurt was engaged, which implies that Kurt didn’t officially break things off with Adam until after he got engaged. This only reinforces that Kurt hates committing to breakups. He always wants to keep his options open in case he needs a backup plan. Adam is a little weird, but he’s so sweet. He’s trying so hard to help Kurt even when Kurt is lying to him and lowkey playing him. There are a lot of reflections of how Kurt treats Blaine in how he treats Adam too. None of Kurt’s toxic behaviors are isolated, and none of the people in his life deserve to be treated the way he treats them.
I’ve already heavily analyzed the scene in season 5 episode 1 when Kurt and Blaine get back together, but I do want to briefly reiterate something before moving on. Kurt, despite knowing that he’s going to forgive Blaine, holds the cheating over Blaine, but he eventually does say he forgives Blaine, and that they can put it behind them. However, he doesn’t do this. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine has a complete mental breakdown. The New Directions weren’t listening to Blaine’s ideas, and he called Kurt looking for support, instead, Kurt calls Blaine a puppet master and then asks Blaine for support and to come to New York, which, of course, Blaine agrees to. However, Kurt insulting Blaine along with a gas leak in the choir room leads to Blaine’s downward spiral. He starts hallucinating puppets and then decides to make a puppet version of Kurt. Here’s where we get evidence that Blaine is very aware that Kurt hasn’t actually forgiven Blaine for cheating. He has his puppet say that he’s forgiven Blaine. Personally, I think this is quite sad, and we see Blaine’s insecurities and struggles with control highlighted in this episode. Then, in season 5 episode 16, there’s confirmation that Kurt is still holding it over Blaine’s head and hasn’t forgiven him. Kurt could have easily talked about getting tested, or even the last time he got tested, without bringing up Eli. It was unnecessary, and as I stated earlier, the way Blaine reacts implies that Kurt brings this up frequently. It’s controlling and cruel, and he’s not even criticized for it, by his friends or by the tone of the show itself. And this is something that only Kurt does. Rarely do the other characters in the show bring up cheating out of nowhere, and as mentioned, Blaine has never brought up Chandler since season 3 episode 17. In this episode, Kurt also gets incredibly jealous and controlling of Blaine watching porn, even though that’s none of his business, and if he was worried about their sex lives should have talked to Blaine about it.
Let’s talk about Karofsky because the way Kurt reacts to him is fascinating. In season 6 episode 1, Kurt had broken up with Blaine out of nowhere months ago, but he comes back to Lima with the express purpose to get back together with Blaine. However, upon meeting with Blaine, he reveals that he’s actually seeing someone, and Kurt’s first thought is that it’s Sebastian, which drives home that Kurt never got over the Sebastian thing, even though nothing happened between them, and he had no reason to think that anything ever would. Karofsky shows up and Kurt does not react well to this. He manages to not say anything against him explicitly, but his tone is mocking and sarcastic, and he leaves quickly to go cry in the bathroom. Initially, Blaine and Dave seem very happy, honestly, and this seems to upset Kurt (s6e1, s6e2, s6e3). Kurt is very passive-aggressive and jealous whenever he sees Dave and Blaine together, to the point where Blaine has to ask whether they need to come up with alternating sheet music schedules (s6e3). Kurt also refuses to admit that Blaine has moved on, pretending that they’re on a break until Britt calls him out about it and tells him that Blaine and Dave are moving in together (s6e3). He gets very bitter every time Blaine tries to talk about his boyfriend (s6e5). Then, Kurt begins to move on, but he still decides to cheat in order to get Blaine chosen to sing a duet with, undermining Blaine and Dave’s relationship. And when Blaine implies that Dave might not be fully comfortable with Blaine and Kurt singing together, Kurt implies that Dave’s paranoid and crazy, because nothing is going on, even though he is trying to undermine them and something is going on (s6e7). Kurt then manipulates Blaine’s feelings, pivoting the conversation away from Karofsky and to the past and pretending that he forgot their first duet, and then acts all surprised when Blaine kisses him like he hasn’t been trying to undermine Blaine’s relationship for weeks (s6e7). Then, knowing that Blaine still had feelings for him, he suddenly decides to stop pursuing Blaine right as Blaine breaks up with Dave (s6e7). And then Kurt does decide to go back to Blaine without knowing that he broke up with Dave, and just assumes it’ll work out (s6e8). Kurt does do everything in his power to get Blaine to break up with Dave without actually saying so. He’s highly manipulative, and he prevented Blaine from continuing a relationship that was really good for him. And for the record, no, I don’t think that Blaine and Dave would have made it long term, and their relationship is a little weird. Mostly, I don’t think it would have worked out because Dave would have reminded Blaine too much of Kurt, but they seemed to have a fairly healthy relationship, and I do think that if Kurt had let Blaine be, he could have moved on on his own time. I think Kurt interrupting this journey impacted Blaine in a very significant way and made him even more dependent on Kurt than he already was. However, Kurt is one of the main characters, so the show frames him pursuing Blaine as an epic love story, convincing the audience to root for Kurt.
Now that we’ve unpacked Kurt’s jealousy, let’s analyze Blaine’s jealousy, and how it’s framed vs. Kurt’s jealousy. Blaine does struggle with jealousy as well, but it is not the same as Kurt’s, and the show treats it in a very different way. Blaine is jealous of Chandler, but he has a right to be. Kurt is interested in him, and they were actively flirting. However, he’s framed as being unreasonable. The show and Kurt say that he’s overreacting, and in the end, it turns out that he’s not actually upset about Chandler, even though he had a right to be, and he forgives Kurt. But Blaine isn’t generally very jealous, so the next major event is in season 5 episodes 9 and 14. Kurt takes a picture with Elliott, and Elliott kisses him on the cheek in the picture. Blaine seems a little worried by the photo but doesn’t say anything until episode 14. Kurt is lashing out at Blaine because he feels smothered in their relationship and he mentions Elliott. Blaine snaps at Kurt jealously, and Kurt calls him a psycho. This is another example of the double standard when it comes to jealousy. Kurt is justified in being jealous of Sebastian for years when nothing happened, but Blaine gets a little jealous of Elliott after Kurt starts pulling away again, and he’s crazy and unreasonable. This is not only on Kurt as a character but also on the show. They both present Kurt as someone who can do no wrong, and Blaine as a terrible person the second he makes a minor mistake. Blaine leaves and goes to Elliott’s apartment. He yells at Elliott, but Elliott calms Blaine down and handles the situation very well. Blaine goes back to the loft and apologizes for his jealousy, something Kurt never does about any of the people he gets jealous of. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Kurt is getting ogled and hit on by several guys in his stage combat class, and Blaine feels uncomfortable with this. He doesn’t feel comfortable with Kurt being viewed as a sexual object. Both Kurt and the show frame Blaine as being unreasonable for this, however, in season 3 episode 17, Kurt expresses a similar discomfort. He calls Blaine an “alpha gay” and says that “even Rachel wanted to make out with [Blaine]”. Moreover, Blaine’s jealousy is not unfounded. The guy who is primarily hitting on Kurt is complimenting him heavily, something that Blaine knows from experience is something that Kurt responds to in the early stages of a relationship (s3e17, s4e11), and has caused Kurt to cheat in the past (s3e17). Kurt is also doing nothing to shut this guy down, despite him obviously flirting, which contrasts with how vigorously Blaine shut down Sebastian (s3e5). This continues throughout the episode, and Kurt never makes any moves to shut him down or assuage Blaine’s fears. In the end, as always, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. Finally, in season 6 we are introduced to Walter. When Kurt first mentions that he’s going on a date with Walter in episode 4, Blaine is clearly a little upset by it, but he is very supportive, and he’s dating Dave anyway, so he’s very good about it. Then in episode 7, Blaine comes to McKinley after breaking up with Dave to confess his feelings to Kurt, and Kurt is going out with Walter. Despite Walter being older than time, Blaine doesn’t say a single bad word against him and lets Kurt go. These two interactions contrast boldly with all of Kurt’s reactions to Karofsky. He is jealous, but he doesn’t take it out on Kurt’s budding relationship. The double standard of how cheating and jealousy are treated between them is completely unfair. Blaine has transgressed before, but so has Kurt, and that being brushed under the rug isn’t fair. In addition, the way Blaine is blamed for Sebastian flirting with him vs. the guy in Blaine’s combat class flirting with Kurt being forgotten almost immediately is the clearest example of this double standard that pervades their relationship and how it’s portrayed.
Blaine’s Relationship Missteps
Now, of course, Blaine isn’t perfect, and in the spirit of fairness, let’s look at all the times Blaine exhibited similar behaviors to the ones I’ve listed for Kurt. In season 2 episode 20, Blaine is initially nervous about Kurt’s prom outfit. He agrees with Burt that it’s provocative, and he’s worried about Kurt getting attacked or harassed at prom, which makes sense given his past experiences and what he’d seen Kurt go through that year. Of course, he should have been more supportive, but he comes around regardless. Throughout season 3, Blaine maintains an interesting relationship with Sebastian, and as we’ve discussed, I don’t think this was strictly wrong, but it did make Kurt uncomfortable, and potentially he could have been more responsive to this. But I’m not convinced by this one. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine pressures Kurt to have sex before he’s ready, reneging on a conversation they had had but a few days ago. The pressures of the musical and Sebastian are bearing down on him, and he definitely acts inappropriately. I’m not going to try and defend this one, that scene makes me very uncomfortable. Although I do think that Kurt’s jealousy was unfounded. In season 4 episode 4, Blaine cheats on Kurt, as discussed, this is wrong. He shouldn’t have done it, however, he did attempt to talk to Kurt about it, and Kurt shouldn’t have ignored and overshadowed Blaine. It doesn’t justify what he did, but it does contextualize it. In season 5 episode 14, Blaine gets very jealous of Elliott. This is unfounded and irrational, and he’s taking out his lack of control and confusion on Elliott. It’s a lot like the Sebastian situation, he has no reason to think anything is going on. This is different from season 5 episode 16, where Blaine is uncomfortable with other men hitting on Kurt. While I still think that this isn’t right, Kurt has given Blaine reason to think that this might be a problem in the past. The last time a guy complimented Kurt, he started a whole thing with him. It’s understandable why Blaine would be a little insecure. In season 6 episode 2, Blaine accuses Kurt of stealing Jane because he’s upset about Blaine and Dave dating, and while this is definitely paranoid, Kurt was upset about Dave, and Rachel and Kurt are not above poaching to get ahead. Finally, in season 6 episode 7, Blaine kisses Kurt while still dating Dave. This is also bad, but as discussed earlier, Kurt fostered the environment that led to this incident. I don’t think that any of these things should be dismissed, but I also don’t think that this is convincing evidence that Blaine is particularly toxic. Most of these seem like mistakes that could happen in a tumultuous relationship, and the fact that there are so few items on this list comparatively is significant.
Warped Ideas of Romance
Blaine also develops a very warped sense of romance and healthy relationship milestones over the course of the show, and I blame Kurt. Kurt has always been a romantic, and he instills into Blaine very early on in their relationship. He likes big grand gestures, and we see Blaine do that for Kurt many times, mostly through big songs. It became the primary way he communicated with Kurt. Blaine admits early on that not only has he never had a boyfriend before but that he feels like he doesn’t know what he’s doing at all when it comes to romance (s2e12). To be fair, Kurt is in a similar situation, but Kurt is older, and their relationship is dominated by Kurt all too often. This doesn’t become a problem until later on, though. It first rears its head in season 4 episode 21, when Blaine tells Burt that he wants to propose to Kurt and asks for his permission to do so, despite them not being together. Blaine mentions in that conversation that he knows that if he wants to get Kurt back, he has to do something big. In fact, Blaine almost proposes in that very episode. Then, in episode 22, he buys an engagement ring despite all of his friends protesting with very logical arguments and almost proposes again. In season 5 episode 1, they get back together, and Blaine tells everyone that he needs to make the proposal even bigger and more dramatic now that he’s back together with Kurt. They have only been together for a few days, but at least this is a little better than proposing when you’ve been broken up for months. And Kurt says yes anyway. This idea pervades their whole relationship, but it doesn’t come back in a big way until season 6 episode 8 (although he does seem to move in with Dave pretty early in their relationship (s6e3). They couldn’t have been together for more than a few months, because the end of season 5 is the summer, and the beginning of season 6 is right at the beginning of the school year). Tina asks Blaine, Artie, and Puck whether she should propose to Mike at Santana and Brittany’s wedding, even though they aren’t together and haven’t even seen each other in person for a long time. Blaine’s first response is that he thinks it’s romantic when it’s clearly insane. Then when Brittany and Sue ask him and Kurt to get married, Blaine says yes. He is the one who decides it because Kurt refuses to give a straight answer to anyone ever. But to be fair, I wouldn’t want to get married in that suit either, it’s bad. They also have a baby super young for performers in New York (s6e13). Blaine doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, and it’s very worrying.
Communication
Next, let’s discuss how bad they are at communication, especially Kurt. Not only is Kurt bad at communication, but he actively shuts it down so often. As mentioned, Blaine is new to relationships, and he is actively taught that the best way to communicate with Kurt is by singing. Kurt doesn’t respond to conversation, he always shuts it down and only responds to Blaine’s concerns when he sings. For example, in season 5 episode 20, Blaine sings All of Me to tell Kurt that he lied about Kurt being in June’s show. When Kurt gets angry about it, Blaine explains that he had no idea how to tell Kurt about the show without lying, and then he didn’t know how to tell Kurt about the lie, because he was scared of hurting Kurt. This is also not the first time that Blaine has been so afraid of Kurt that he’s felt the need to lie to him. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine gets detention and is unable to attend Kurt’s first Pamela Landsbury gig or risk suspension. He doesn’t know to break the news to Kurt for fear of hurting Kurt’s feelings and doesn’t call Kurt to let him know that he can’t make it, and waits until Kurt calls him right before the performance to tell him. Now, this is obviously bad, but it shows how Blaine doesn’t know how to talk to Kurt and how he’s always walking on eggshells around him. There are too many examples of Kurt shutting down Blaine when he tries to communicate openly, so let’s look at them. With graduation coming up, Blaine tries to talk to Kurt about doing long distance, and Kurt says that he wants to be in denial for a few more days. Blaine tries again to talk about it, but Kurt shuts him down again with flowery words and empty promises (s3e22). When Kurt is in New York, he starts ignoring Blaine, and when Blaine reaches out, Kurt shuts it down and does nothing to change (s4e4). In season 5 episode 14, Blaine openly asks Kurt if he’s crowding him, and even though he is, Kurt lies to Blaine about it. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Blaine tries to clear the air about the fight over the porn, and Kurt shuts it down, saying that they talk too much, when really they don’t talk at all. This is a pattern of behavior for Kurt, and it shouldn’t be. Kurt never asks Blaine when something is wrong, even if he can tell he’s upset (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16), and their relationship has to be pushed to the breaking point before Kurt puts any work in (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16, s6e1). Except when Blaine sings. In season 4 episode 4 and season 5 episode 20, Kurt asks Blaine what is wrong, but only because Blaine sang about it. Even though he is aware when Blaine is insecure or having issues, he only directly talks to Blaine about it when he sings it. This is not healthy. It encourages Blaine to withdraw and not try to keep communication open, which is already something Blaine struggles with (s3e17, s5e16). Kurt doesn’t want to communicate, and Blaine doesn’t know how to reach him. It’s dangerous and worrying.
Kurt’s Toxicity Outside His Relationship with Blaine
Now, the reason I think that the toxicity is mostly Kurt’s fault and not just a bad relationship that brings out the worst in both of them is that he acts in similar ways in his relationships with other people as well. For example, in season 1, Kurt is very predatory towards Finn. He spends much of the season hitting on him (s1e10), trying to get their parents together so they can live together (s1e16), and trying to sabotage Finn’s relationships (s1e10, s1e11). Like in his relationship with Blaine, he pushes Finn, not taking no for an answer, until Finn snaps and uses the f-slur (s1e20). Obviously, Finn shouldn’t have said that, but the actions Kurt took to drive him to that point can’t be dismissed out of hand. However, as in his arguments with Blaine, Kurt refuses to take any responsibility, playing the victim card even when Finn and Burt call him out for not understanding that no means no (s2e4, s2e14). He also exhibits jealous and possessive behaviors around Burt. When Burt starts getting closer to Finn, Kurt is unreasonably upset by it. Despite Burt being completely supportive of him, he thinks that his sexuality is the reason Burt is inviting Finn to go to sports games and not that Kurt notoriously hates sports (s1e16). In season 2, Kurt accuses Mr. Shue and Burt of being homophobic when they don’t let him do things he wants (s2e6, s2e14). He implies that Will is homophobic when he won’t let Kurt sing on the girls’ team during the season 2 girls vs. boys mash-up competition (s2e6). Then, in episode 14, Burt tells Kurt that he doesn’t want Kurt having boys sleep over in his bed, Kurt accuses Burt of being homophobic. Burt says that it’s not about that because he wouldn’t let Finn have girls sleep over in his room, but Kurt persists, asking him if that would make him uncomfortable, even though Burt had been nothing but supportive of Kurt since he came out (s2e14). When Burt has cancer and Kurt comes back to Lima in season 4 episode 22, he starts lashing out at people. First, he lashes out at Mike for bringing up the Tina Vaporape situation, and then he yells at Burt at his own doctor’s appointment for wearing a navy shirt. In season 6, Kurt gets very controlling about the glee club even though Rachel was the one who brought the club back. He fights Rachel on how to organize the sheet music (even though Rachel’s method makes more sense and his is wildly subjective) (s6e2) and what the lessons are/how to present them (s6e3). He also interrupted Santana’s proposal and was unnecessarily harsh when critiquing Mason and Jane’s performance because he’s upset about Blaine (s6e3). To list some smaller instances, Kurt also blackmails Karofsky with outing him (s2e18), snaps his fingers at waitstaff (s3e10), encourages Rachel to cheat on Finn (s4e2), and is incredibly jealous of Elliot (s4e15, s5e7). The way we see Kurt act around Blaine isn’t isolated and it’s deeply concerning.
Bow Ties and Hair Gel Symbolism
Blaine’s ties and hair gel are symbolic of his relationship with Kurt and his insecurities respectively (I know the hair gel wasn’t intentional but I noticed it, it works, so I’m using it, whereas I’m pretty sure the bow tie symbolism was intentional). First, let’s talk about bow ties. The first time we see Blaine in street clothes is in season 2 episode 14. It’s before Kurt and Blaine start dating, and Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie. The first time we see Blaine in a bow tie is in season 3 episode 1. Blaine has just transferred to McKinley for Kurt, and their relationship is very strong. However, their relationship is still new, and thus the bow tie is not yet Blaine’s signature. But he wears one here to signify his commitment to Kurt and their relationship. He continues to wear bow ties frequently through season 3, but not religiously. However, he does wear them more and more as the season progresses. There are a few notable exceptions to this. The first is in episode 5. When Blaine meets Sebastian (and every time he interacts with him), he is wearing one. When they go to Scandals, Blaine is still wearing a bow tie, but when he’s dancing with Sebastian and then when they’re fighting afterward Blaine’s tie is undone, but still around his neck. Sebastian and the musical are managing to get in between Kurt and Blaine, but Blaine still loves and cares about Kurt. They just need to get back on the same page. The second is in episode 17. Blaine does not wear a single bow tie in this episode. He does, however, wear a necktie in the scene where Kurt is texting Chandler in the choir room. In fact, when he sings It’s Not Right but It’s Ok and when Kurt sings I Have Nothing, he’s wearing a collared shirt buttoned all the way up, outfits that would normally have a bowtie, emphasizing the lack of one.
In season 4, Blaine actually stops wearing bowties almost entirely. In episodes 1 and 2, Blaine wears a bow tie with several outfits, in keeping with how frequently he wore them in season 3, not with every outfit, but with one or two outfits per episode. However, in episode 3, we get the most overt use of the bow tie as a metaphor. Early in the episode, Blaine’s wearing bow ties with all of his outfits (the most he’s worn bow ties this season), even with his weird club costumes. He brings up how he and Kurt aren’t really in sync right now, but his bow ties indicate that he’s still very committed to that relationship. Then, Kurt and Blaine are talking, and Blaine is being very supportive of Kurt and his New York adventures. Blaine mentions that he’s running for student body president, and Kurt says that he forgot about that. Blaine then asks Kurt which bow tie he should wear for the debate, and Kurt brushes it off and pivots the conversation back to him. Blaine is clearly upset, but he goes along with Kurt. This scene uses bow ties to directly illustrate how Kurt is moving on, and how it’s hurting Blaine. He’s not supporting Blaine or hearing his concerns about the relationship, and it’s driving Blaine away. This is emphasized when at the debate, Sam tells Blaine he shouldn’t wear a bow tie, saying it makes him look uptight and telling him to take it off. Blaine even agrees that he looks better without it. This symbolizes the downfall of Blaine and Kurt’s relationship. Kurt’s ignoring Blaine, and it’s given Blaine doubts about the relationship. Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie for the rest of the episode, as Kurt continues to ignore Blaine, even though Blaine getting elected. Blaine continues this pattern in episode 4, not wearing a single bow tie for the whole episode, and after the breakup, he only wears 3 bow ties in the entire rest of the season. He wears one at the Sadie Hawking’s dance, right after confessing his crush on Sam to Tina (s4e11) and one in the final song of season 4 episode 20, after having a moment with a guy at Sue’s exercise class. Notably, he doesn’t wear a bow tie to Will and Emma’s wedding, where he starts to reconnect with Kurt, he wears a necktie, but interestingly, Kurt wears a bow tie. Blaine even comments on it, saying, “You in this fey boy-tie. Dude, it’s my kryptonite”. He does, however, wear one later in that episode, after several leading conversations with Kurt. They’re not back together though, so Blaine doesn’t wear another bow tie until season 5 episode 1 (he also wears one in Kurt’s fantasy of Come What May, but Blaine isn’t actually wearing it, Kurt’s fantasy version of him is, which makes sense).
In season 5, he gets much more consistent with wearing bow ties. It’s now his signature, so when he doesn’t wear one, it’s usually significant, and if he doesn’t wear one at all in an episode it’s definitely significant. Even before he officially asks Kurt to get back together with him, Blaine is wearing bow ties with all of his outfits. After they get back together and get engaged, Blaine continues to wear bow ties with most of his outfits. Let’s briefly go through some important examples. In episode 7, Kurt and Blaine get into a fight because Blaine didn’t tell Kurt that he couldn’t come to his first Pamela Landsbury gig, and Blaine isn’t wearing a bow tie. In episode 14, Blaine doesn’t wear a single bow tie until after he and Kurt have the conversation about him moving out, and then he wears a bow tie with every outfit in the remainder of the episode. He also doesn’t wear any bow ties at all in episode 16. Even after Blaine and Kurt have their conversation about communication and trust, Blaine still doesn’t wear a bow tie, signaling that he still isn’t happy with the relationship or himself. In episode 18, Blaine wears a lot of bow ties early in the episode, including when June tells him to break up with Kurt, however, when he lies to Kurt about him being in June’s showcase, he isn’t wearing one. He continues not wearing bow ties in episode 19 and early episode 20, as June and his lie drive a wedge between them. However, in the reconciliation scene, Blaine is wearing a bow tie, as he offers to give up the showcase and Kurt forgives him. Blaine wears a bow tie at the showcase and when moving back in with Kurt, but not in the goodbye or the scene where Rachel confirms she’s leaving, perhaps foreshadowing the season 6 break up. Season 6 is when Blaine is actually most consistent in wearing bow ties, which is interesting because he isn’t even with Kurt for most of it. It shows how Blaine is still deeply in love with Kurt despite appearances of moving on. The only two really important scenes in season 6 are the breakup scene in episode 1 and the elevator scenes in episode 5. He isn’t wearing a bow tie in the breakup scene, which makes sense, but other than that, he’s seen wearing a bow tie with almost every outfit for the rest of the season (a mini exception is when he tries to completely switch it up in episode 2, which doesn’t really need analysis but is a good example of this symbolism in action), and every scene with Dave. The interesting part is the elevator scenes. Blaine starts out wearing a bow tie but undoes it while in the elevator. Previously, this had been used to represent an issue in their relationship, but I don’t think that’s what it represents here. Blaine has been carrying his love for Kurt with him into his new relationship, afraid to let go of the good, but also unable to let go of the pain he experienced during the relationship. It’s restricting him. Blaine undoing the tie but keeping it around his neck is him opening up to Kurt, allowing the restrictive aspect to go, without letting go of the love he still clearly feels.
Now, on to the speculative part, Blaine’s hair gel. Throughout the show, Blaine starts using more hair gel and suppressing his natural curl pattern even more. In season 2, Blaine's hair is gelled, but in a way that embraces his natural hair. You can still tell that he has curly hair underneath it all, and it reflects the relaxed, more confident, version of Blaine that we see at this point in the show (ex. s2e6). Kurt only reinforces Blaine’s insecurities, and this is demonstrated in season 3 episode 19. Blaine is worried about not being able to gel his hair for prom, and Kurt initially laughs at and dismisses Blaine’s concerns. Then, at prom, when Kurt first sees Blaine without hair gel, his first responses are, “Oh dear God,” and then laughing. He does eventually say that he wants to see the real Blaine, however, all of his actions leading up to this point don't support that, despite his knowledge of how insecure Blaine is. Blaine’s hair is used as a metaphor for Blaine letting his walls down within the episode, but the whole interaction is a metaphor for the way Kurt acts around Blaine for the entire show. He reinforces Blaine’s concerns and insecurities while saying with his words that he supports and loves him. Clearly, Blaine doesn’t believe that Kurt likes seeing him with his natural hair because, over the course of Blaine's relationship with Kurt, he tightens his hair even more. Slowly, his hair gets tighter and tighter to his scalp. Compare season 2 episode 6, to season 3 episode 5, to season 4 episode 1. We even see Blaine with gelled hair going to sleep and waking up when he's around Kurt (s4e4,s5e14, s5e16). Waking up with perfectly gelled hair is especially interesting because it implies that either Blaine is using some crazy strong hair gel to avoid his hair moving in the middle of the night, or that he's getting up putting hair gel in, and then getting back into bed, so Kurt doesn't see him with his natural hair. The only time we see Blaine with his natural hair, or even with more relaxed hair, are in episodes during the break up where Kurt isn’t seeing Blaine (s4e13, s4e17). It's the tightest in season 5 episode 14, which is also one of the episodes where Blaine is at his worst. He's struggling with his insecurities in a major way, and when he goes over to Elliott's house, his hair is basically Shellacked to his head (s5e14). It loosens a little bit in the next few episodes, however, there is no significant difference until season 6. It's still not back to where it was in season 2, however now that he and Kurt aren’t together anymore, he seems to have let his hair relax a little (ex s6e2). He even briefly stops gelling his hair after breaking up with Kurt. However, his insecurities run too deep and he starts doing it again. In the end, Blaine does stop gelling his hair, but he’s still unable to be his true self around Kurt and starts straightening his hair instead (s6e13). Blaine is never able to let go of his insecurities and be himself around Kurt, and both the symbolic and literal implications of this illustrate perfectly how terrible his relationship with Kurt is for Blaine.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Kurt and Blaine’s relationship isn’t healthy, and the responsibility is mostly on Kurt. Despite their chemistry and outward appearances, their relationship is toxic and potentially abusive. Kurt doesn’t care about Blaine, he cares about himself, and he’s willing to destroy Blaine’s life if it benefits him. Blaine, on the other hand, cares so deeply about Kurt that he doesn’t even care that their relationship is damaging to him. They struggle with even the basic communication and trust that a relationship needs, and seem to believe that love is the only thing they need to keep their relationship alive. Kurt is manipulative, cruel, and takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down so he can have power over him. He hates being vulnerable and needs to be able to exert control over Blaine. He uses Blaine’s insecurity and inexperience to assure that Blaine is as small and reliant on Kurt as possible. He holds Blaine’s every little mistake over Blaine’s head, refuses to take responsibility for any of their problems, and minimizes his own mistakes. Kurt is incredibly jealous, often unfoundedly, and yet calls Blaine unreasonable when he displays any signs of jealousy himself. Their relationship damages Blaine irreparably, to the point that comparing Blaine in season 2 to Blaine in season 6 shows two almost completely different people. But it doesn’t come out of nowhere, Kurt systematically and intentionally cuts Blaine down and turns him into the person he wants him to be. A person he can control. It is not random, it is not uncharacteristic for either of them and when their relationship is interpreted through this lens, explains a lot about how Blaine develops as a character. Even if their relationship isn’t abusive, it certainly isn’t good, and it shouldn’t be romanticized.
#glee#klaine#kurt hummel#blaine anderson#glee meta#glee headcanon#gleeposting 😔#just my opinion lol#but if anyone wants to fight me on this i do require that you read my full analysis first#just so you dont embarrass yourself#lol#im obviously not trying to cancel kurt or klaine or anything like that#i just want to point this out since i havent seen anyone mention it#and maybe encourage yall not to romanticize their relationship#sorry this took so long to write#asks#agronsland
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Neji Headcanons Collection
Requested from my wattpad account
For everyone who has requested, I’m slowly getting through them, but I’ve been busy and exhausted lately so it’s taking longer than I wanted it to, I’m sorry!
What He Looks For In An S/O~
• Neji is a pretty stoic, introverted guy, so he’d need someone who was more on the introverted side as well. However, he would love an S/O who could bring him out of his shell a little
• He definitely seems like someone who would prefer to date a fellow shinobi so he didn’t have to worry about them and since they most likely aren’t apart of the Hyuga clan, them being a ninja would help his clan be a little more approving
• He needs a PATIENT S/O
• Neji is new to relationships and someone who understands that and wouldn’t rush him would be ideal
• Although Naruto changed Neji for the best, he can still be a little insensitive sometimes, so a partner who has a thick skin is important
• Neji hates small talk with a passion, so he would look for someone who could hold intellectual conversations or who didn’t mind silence
• As an introvert, Neji is something of a homebody, but make no mistake; this boy is always training so you’d best be ready for rigorous training being a regular past time
• COMMUNICATION is key in a relationship with him
• As smart as Neji is, he does not have the aptitude or patience to deal with mixed signals, so just talk to him, please
Relationship With Neji Stuff~
• Neji isn’t clingy by any means, but you’re his girlfriend and he expects to see you often, and will easily become concerned or upset if his partner starts to seem distant
• Trust is the most important thing to him, if he’s dating you he clearly trusts you A LOT, and it will upset him if he notices you don’t trust him as much
• Your relationship will most likely be lowkey, in public at least, but that’s not because he’s ashamed, he’s just an incredibly private person
• Although Neji will enjoy sparring with you, he will also be up to other ideas for dates
• He loves taking walks with you, whether it’s after dark, before average people are awake, or in the middle of the day
• He’s the kind of person to have a certain amount of time set aside for you, whether you spend it out and about, or inside, he won’t interrupt that time unless it’s unavoidable
• He’s very good at picking up your moods and such things, but he doesn’t always know what to do about them, so he’ll help you in ways he knows how tea and training
• He has a great memory. Whether it’s certain dates, the timing of your week, or little things he’s noticed about you; you can trust he won’t easily forget it
• PDA embarrasses him, but he will allow hand-holding and the occasional cheek kiss
• He takes so much pride in his hair, he won’t allow you to touch it until way later in your relationship, but once he does… he’d rather die than admit, so sometimes he’ll wordless put his head in your lap and scowl until you take the hint
• Neji doesn’t just date around, he’s looking for something serious, so if he realizes that you’re not what he’s looking for in a wife he will immediately (and respectfully) end it
How To Lose/Annoy Him~
• Generally, Neji is a very forgiving person since he’s needed to be forgiven many times, but there are some things he won’t tolerate; cheating, slander, and genuine disrespect
• An S/O being rude to someone for no reason would turn him off
• He really can’t stand gossipers and busybodies so if you want to lose him, go off I guess
• Laziness is a major thing for him. He can understand being tired of at your limit, but he really can’t handle his S/O just lazing around for a long time
• Immaturity is a big no-no. Neji comes from a clan who only recognizes maturity and formalities so he would be uncomfortable with an overly childish S/O
• Selfishness or being chronically inconsiderate can and will make him angry
• He won’t even entertain someone with bad hygiene like he really doesn’t understand how someone could be okay with not being clean?
• Incessant complaining and whining will grate on his nerves like anything else
• Not respecting his boundaries, even if you don’t understand them, will have him running for the hills before you could even say ‘Byakugan’
Soft Neji Things~
• Neji isn’t one for constant affection, but once he realizes how much he enjoys the lotus position (you sit in his lap, facing him, legs around his waist) it’ll be a regular occurrence. Whether he’s reading or just savoring your presence you’d better get used to it
• He loves to read and sometimes if you ask beg he’ll read to you and he has the smoothest most ASMR voice ever??
• He actually enjoys shopping with you because he loves helping you choose (and he likes to spoil you)
• I strongly believe that Neji plays an instrument (piano, flute or violin) and sometimes he’ll play for you
• If he’s had a really bad nightmare or his family is stressing him out, don’t be surprised if he climbs in your bed at a random hour of the night
• Locked doors or windows have never stopped this boy, so you’d best expect him to just walk in like he owns the place
• Considerate to the max, he’s always thinking about you and doing small things for you
• You actually bring out a new side to him, he’s more playful and free around you
Random Neji Facts~
• Neji made it into a game without your knowledge to see how many times he can scare you by just waltzing into your house
• He’s incredibly competitive, so the second you mention being the best at something, even in jest, prepare to have to prove it in competition
• His love language is in between quality time and acts of service
• He doesn’t really expect gifts or anything, so if you really want to see him light up, get him a little ‘I’m thinking about you’ gift
• Neji likes to journal, he likes to write down little things about his day, or ideas or even quotes that he heard and liked
• He really enjoys domestic activities because he didn’t really think he’d be able to find anyone to do that with
• He loves receiving and writing letters, it’s intimate and it’s special and he’ll keep everyone you send him
• Neji has a love/hate relationship with his hair; he’s very proud of it, but he hates all the extra work that goes into taking care of it
• He always carries extra scrunchies/rubberbands on missions in case his hair gets loose
• He gets sunburns so easily, he’ll always have sunscreen during the hottest months
Little Things~
Favorite:
• Place to kiss- Your wrist pulse point; it’s intimate and it feels so natural for him, especially when he’s holding your hand
• Way to hug- He loves to place a hand on the back of your head and one on your back; he loves the feeling of being so close to you
• Things to do with you- He loves doing small things with you; reading, drinking tea, or cuddling
• Cuddle position- When he’s not busy, he loves to lay back on the couch with you on top
• Type of date- Lowkey ones, maybe a stroll through the park, or going to a nice little cafe/restaurant
This or That-
• He enjoys spring the most, he loves seeing all the new life after a long winter
• He’s a hardcore morning person, he lives to be productive and the day won’t wait for him to ‘get in the mood’
• He’s a good cook, but as I’ve mentioned, his love language is acts of service so you cooking for him means a lot to him every time
• Loves to read, either on his own or with you and his favorite genres are classics and nonfiction
Conflict Happenings~
• He has a very sharp tongue, but he really hates arguing with you and will try to avoid that for as long as possible
• However, if something needs to be addressed, he will not hesitate
• Would prefer to have a calm, rational, debate, so if either of you loses your cool, don’t be surprised if he just up and leaves
• However, if you say something that crosses the line… God/Pein/Jashin/Kami have mercy on you, this boy will go off
• After the fight is over, he’ll need space to calm down, but once he is, apologies and makeups are quick and sincere
• He refuses to fight over small insignificant things, he finds it beneath him
• He will listen, though, because if something is bothering you, that’s valid to him
• Don’t push him or test his limits, it’ll make him uneasy and feel like he can’t trust you, which can lead to your relationship self destructing
• After fights, whether big or small, he needs some good ol’ fashioned cuddles (you both do honestly)
• He’s a firm believer in not going to bed angry, so even if you’re still upset, he’ll do everything in his power to get rid of his own irritation
• It’s hard to hurt his feelings, but if you do he’s cut deeply, so watch what you say
Modern Neji~
• OMG this boy is one of those people that are always smartly dressed and no one can change my mind
• He’s not a teacher’s pet, per se, but he’s very polite and is always doing his best
• He’s one of those gym obsessed people, but very lowkey about it
• I could definitely see him into fencing and/or martial arts
• He’s the kind of person to only hang out with his closest friends because he feels most comfortable with them
• Most people would know he was from the esteemed Hyuga family, but no one would really process it because he’s not overly flashy and doesn’t really mention it
• He’s still pretty antisocial but after Naruto pretty much shoved his way into his life he started to open up
• Has so many fangirls and is always being asked on dates but is so confused, like why do these strangers always follow him? And who are these gifts from??
• I can really see a turf war between Neji’s fangirls and Sasuke’s fangirls over who’s better
• He most likely majors in business and finance to inherit the Hyuga company or at least have a fundamental role in it
• I think he’d like a roommate, especially if he lives off-campus
• I could see him living with someone like him so he’s not constantly overwhelmed by someone with Naruto’s personality
• Neji is always the model student and I could see him tutoring a few people (begrudgingly, of course)
• He’s always doing his best, but it might not seem like it? Neji is very good at retaining information, so the only time you’ll catch him really studying is if he knows he has trouble in that area
• His living space is meticulously clean and probably kinda bare
• He doesn’t really feel the need to decorate because it’s temporary, but if his roommate wants to he won’t care
• Neji is not a partier, but if his friends drag him to one he might stay for a while
• He’s such a lightweight and he might find himself drunk quicker than he thought possible
• Doesn’t have much of a hangover besides waking up disoriented and dizzy
• I love Neji honestly
Masterlist
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Charthur Love HCs
It’s blisteringly hot and humid, and I’m feeling kind of melancholy, and was thinking about Arthur and Charles and the way they love each other. I saw a post a while back (this has been living in a gdoc for a while), that accurately pointed out that in so many fics, Arthur puts Charles on a pedestal as some perfect unflawed human, and that that isn’t the best way to treat a character - it makes them one-dimensional if all they are is the Good which you use to measure another character’s Bad. I fell into that a bit in ‘like thieves in the night’ and so it’s been sticking in my side….Anyway, it got me thinking about WHY they love each other, because if I could define that, then it might make it easier to write their relationship more realistically - so have some completely unrequested head canons from ‘like thieves in the night':
Arthur loves Charles
Arthur doesn’t think much of himself, not with all the things he’s done - if he’s remarkable in any way, it could only be because he’s put so much bad out into the world. So with that lingering self-loathing, he’s always gonna consider his actions to be worse than similar things done by similar people. So while he knows that Charles lived most of his life by thieving and killing folk, he doesn’t think of it as ‘bad’ in the same way Arthur regrets some of his own behavior. Charles is Kind, and the things he’s done that weren’t kind - well, that’s only because there weren’t any other options afforded him; it doesn’t change the fact that Charles is, at the heart of him, good. Arthur is so much more willing to give others the benefit of a doubt. While he can’t forgive himself for some of the things he’s done, he’s far more likely to forgive others. Charles in particular.
Outlaws aren’t all chivalrous men who are competent and effective, Arthur knows that all too well. So when they bring on new blood into the gang, Arthur never expects much. Far more people fall into outlawing because they’re stupid and lazy than because they’re fighting a war on civilization in general and Washington, DC in particular. And yet, immediately, Charles is Capable. He comes into the gang and does more than his fair share of the hunting, the guarding, the chores. Arthur has made the gang his family; taking care of them is how he shows his love. Seeing Charles take that on without question or complaint is unusual enough to be startling. It’s probably what first made Arthur look at Charles with real consideration. For a long time, he waited for the other shoe to drop, for Charles to reveal himself as untrustworthy, to have some fatal flaw like most men they take on. But it never comes.
So many of the folks in the gang are bloviators who can’t shut up about how amazing they are. But Charles doesn’t slam his ego around like a fucking weapon like the rest of them; it’s not that he’s uncertain about himself or his place in the gang. He knows without question that he’s good at what he does and lets his actions/results speak for themselves. Many times Arthur has watched Charles smile privately after a job well done, either chopping wood or getting through a robbery without having to kill anybody. He's proud of his work, and rightly so. It’s...admirable (cue confused soft emotions)
Arthur gets shit from some of the gang about how much time/energy he spends helping out the lost lambs of the world, but Charles does the same sort of thing. In my fic, I gave Charles the Charlotte mission, but I like to think he picked up some of the other things that would have fallen to Arthur in-game. So, back to Arthur’s low self-esteem, when Arthur offers that selflessness, makes himself vulnerable for no reason other than it was the right thing to do - whatever, nbd. But when done with Charles’ hands, Arthur recognizes it as the sort of kindness that changes the world in small and loving ways.
Charles has a sense of humor that Arthur just gets. It’s not loud or performative like Sean. It’s quiet and sarcastic and deadpan. It took him a while to really notice it, but Charles just cocking an eyebrow at the perfect time is enough to make Arthur crack. Charles has amazing eye roll game. He can’t imagine that anyone thinks of Charles as silent and menacing, not when Arthur has personally heard Charles repeat filthy limericks until Arthur gave up trying to sleep, swung his leg over Charles’ hips, and kissed him quiet.
I think that Arthur would have spent his whole life holding Charles in High Regard, not examining too closely the tremor in his chest when he makes Charles smile, or how...nice it is to just watch Charles chop wood. I think the love he feels for him is physical, not in a sexual way, but in a tactile, grounded way that's totally different than anything he's felt for a woman. With Mary, that love was ethereal, hard to grasp, but with Charles, Arthur could point to the point on his chest where that love lives. It's as real and alive as his heartbeat.
Charles loves Arthur
I think something bad happened prior to Charles joining the gang; not necessarily terrible or uniquely awful, but something that made him weary of being on his own. Maybe he had to deal with some local racist troublemakers, got away clean, and was making camp for himself out in the rough only to be happened upon by more racists/bandits/troublemakers, and was forced into yet another fight for his life. So he’s exhausted, and he wants a place to rest and he hears about Dutch’s gang.
Dutch seems honorable, doesn’t mention his race, and almost...shows off the other POC in the gang (look at all the POC I have so generously taken in! Praise me for my open mindedness). It’s condescending, but it’s better than the overt hatred he gets out on his own. So he joins up. He’s not expecting much out of a gang of outlaws, and some of them live up (down?) to expectations, but there’s a good chunk of people who are far more like a family than he was expecting. They’ve even got a kid with them, who’s protected as fiercely as any child deserves. And Arthur, for all that he’s introduced as Dutch’s menacing lieutenant, spends most of his energy protecting and caring for that core little family. Yes, Arthur spends a lot of his time with his hands dirty, but at the end of the day, he wipes them clean and sits quietly at the fire, clear affection in his eyes as everyone talks over one another and laughs and dances. It’s far more human than he was expecting from a man whose face is plastered from here to New Hanover and back again, drawn hastily above a litany of sins.
Arthur has been on the wrong side of the law his entire life, has probably killed more men than he’s had hot dinners, which makes it all the more amazing that he has any moral compass at all, let alone one which so unerringly brings out that fierce stubbornness when marginalized people are threatened. Being kind matters all the more when the option to be cruel is so much easier, when it has been nurtured more than kindness ever has. It’s...amazing, so much so that Charles is appalled that so few others seem to notice.
Charlie's is startled by Arthur’s tenderness; he had worried that Arthur would mistake him for a woman, at first, that this thing of theirs would make Arthur think of him as something delicate in need of protection. But Arthur still relies on Charles in a fight, he doesn’t try to wade in and fight Charles’ battles for him - well, for the most part. Arthur is protective of the things he loves - so when he picks fights on Charles’ behalf it’s less because he doesn’t think that Charles can fend for himself, and more because he is impatient to kick in the teeth of every bigot in the world (it’s a thin line to walk, and Arthur doesn’t always nail it - it’s been the subject of more than one fight). But still, Arthur is...soft in a way that surprises Charles. Even before they admitted to themselves and each other that this was more than an occasional hand beneath a blanket, that love was creeping up around them like a slow tide, Arthur’s hands were gentle on him, reverential. There was more than one time Charles had feigned sleep just to enjoy the soft way Arthur carded his fingers through his hair, the way the pads of his fingers traced, unasking, over his collection of scars. The types of trysts Charles had had in his past didn’t involve anything like that - that quiet, naked intimacy that only comes after the sex is done and heart rates are drifting back to normal. It makes Charles’ throat tight, even as the rest of him goes soft and liquid under Arthur’s hands.
Because Arthur is white, is a man, and now has enough money that he and the rest of the gang are set for life, there are things that he will never experience, and in never experiencing them, will never really understand. Occasionally, Arthur forgets there are places that won’t serve Charles dinner and he’s enraged when he runs across them, wants to burn down every racist, bigoted piece of shit he runs across. But he doesn’t expect Charles to comfort or educate him about these inequities. Arthur doesn’t see himself as some sort of uniquely qualified savior who can liberate the oppressed just because he’s white and he cares. He’s learned that the best person to solve those problems isn’t a white man riding in with a gun and a temper; that the desire to help is most effective when directed by someone who has lived under that oppression. And so he listens when Charles speaks, and he learns.
Arthur has been with women, has been in love before Charles. That doesn’t bother Charles - not exactly. But Arthur has a road map to love that Charles has never seen; Arthur already contains the spaces within himself in which love can be built and tended to - the sort of thing that only comes from experience. Charles never had the chance for that, had never expected the opportunity, not when the world was already ready to hang him for so many other things. He’d never anticipated love, not like this, not the sort of thing which was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. And so Arthur more easily vocalizes his adoration. He has told Charles he loves him plainly, many times, unthinkingly calls him ‘darlin’ when he’s distracted or preoccupied. He doesn’t even seem bothered that Charles’ own admissions are quieter, hidden within other words and deeds. There’s no doubt in Charles, now, about how they are together, how deeply this connection runs, but that gentle, unthinking intimacy still steals his breath away, even twenty years down the road when Arthur is walking around the cabin hollering “Darlin’ you seen my new leather hat? I swear I had it just - ah, never mind, there it is-”
They just - are in awe of each other, each the other’s wonder which holds the stars apart.
#Headcanon#charthur#charles smith#arthur morgan#like thieves in the night#my fic#feeling anxious in my skin and thinking happy thoughts#canon what canon gtfo of here w that shit#rdr2
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Hey everyone! I don't do analysis stuff on here much, mostly because I normally don't have such detailed thought on my headcanons. So this won’t be a regular occurrence. But ever since the newest episodes of Mao Mao, I've seen a lot of reasons and examples that support my headcanon of Mao Mao having an anxiety disorder. This analysis will contain detailed spoilers for Scared of Puppets, so please be cautious of that! If you’re interested in reading this, please look below! If you disagree with any of this, that’s okay! I respect all thoughts and other headcanons, this is all for fun anyways ;
As someone who has Generalized Anxiety, also known as GAD, this subject is very important to me, and it'd be nice if it was shown correctly more often in cartoons. Most cartoon characters I've seen with anxious habits are just screaming or hiding in a room when confronted with what they're afraid of, and they get over it by the end of the episode. But with Mao Mao, it has felt so different. I've seen tons of signs that make me feel as if he could be suffering from at least one form of anxiety.
Personally, it feels like he has GAD like myself, but he could also have a form of PTSD. PTSD is also an anxiety disorder, if you didn't know! It's very possible to have both, which is called Comorbid Anxiety. I want to try and go in order of the episodes we've had released in the first season, to make it easier to understand all my reasons. So, with that being said, I want to start with the episode that made me feel that anxiety was even a possibility to notice in Mao Mao's canon character; Episode 7, Not Impressed.
Not Impressed was the first heavy, serious type of episode we got in the series. Mao Mao is clearly happy when gaining the attention of his citizens, so it's extremely noticeable when he gets angry and upset that one single person isn't as thrilled or, as titled, impressed. People with anxiety disorders tend to do two things: they focus on the tiny negative instead of the positives that surround them, and they quickly link their present problems to their past. Both of these are immediately shown, as child Mao Mao is repeatedly popping up in his mind, begging for his father's attention. He forgets about the praise he was just receiving, as all focus is now on the negative. In fact, it happens every time his attempts at impressing him fail. Everyone in the valley seems interested in him, some even watching his dance moves in the middle of the episode. But all he cares about is Blue, nothing is important right then except getting his positive feedback. It doesn't mean everyone with anxiety who feels like this is selfish, it all links back to fearing failure or rejection. Whether it happened in their past, or they were raised to always be right and successful, anxiety disorders can affect your emotions when negative reactions or feedback is thrown your way. In Mao Mao's case, his link in his life is none other than Shin Mao.
Shin Mao has neglected him for almost all his life. I won't go into the whole family thing, since all of you reading this probably already know about that. But long story short, he's a mentally abusive father. The first glimpse we see of this is in this episode, where the younger version of Mao Mao is ignored by his father, who focuses on only his older sisters. This clearly had a heavy impact on him, and we learn just how bad it was in future episodes ( that I'll talk about ). Blue is eventually tricked into saying he was impressed by Mao Mao, who technically was Chubbum, and a desperate Mao Mao took it anyways. He ends the episode by accidentally talking about his father during an excited shout, and is taken into a therapy session. It hasn't been clarified ever since this episode if Mao Mao still attends therapy, but I am personally hoping he does. This was only the first sign that caught my eye, and there's still more to unpack. Such as, my next point, episode 10: Bao Bao's Revenge.
Like the family point, most of you should already know Bao Bao, so I won't go too much into that whole backstory. But, it IS a huge point in my Comorbid Anxiety headcanon. People with anxiety have a horrible time with trust. Mao Mao was betrayed by his friend in a tragic way, his tail being taken. While Bao Bao didn't do it on purpose and was just being a typical dog, Mao Mao has very clearly not gotten over it. He has held this grudge for years, and with this grudge, he attempts to push it onto others. Most people with anxiety, including myself, can have this problem: if they see a person as bad, they are hurt or irritated if others don't. That person hurt THEM, so how could anyone see that person as a kind and loving person? Why is karma not biting them yet? They're difficult thoughts to deal with, as it can be unhealthy and affect your other relationships. Mao Mao prepares the villagers for Bao Bao's "vicious attack", and describes him as a horrific monster. When it's revealed that he's a small pup, and the sweetiepies get angry, Mao Mao's frustration increases. He doesn't understand how anyone can see him as harmless or cute. This is a big insecurity issue. Insecurity is a symptom for GAD.
While Mao Mao does temporarily put his grudge to the side to defeat a monster with Bao Bao, it doesn't go away. As soon as its over, he says he isn't sure whether or not to forgive. After a heartfelt reminder of their memories together, he does eventually forgive Bao Bao and immediately starts planning their life together. This actually happens at least four times in the series; here, "I Love You Mao Mao", "Outfoxed" and in "Baost In Show". It feels like an overthinking symptom, which is a huge GAD/PTSD sign. He quickly lists off his expectations for the future, his dreams of impressing his father and sisters, spending a lifetime with Bao Bao, getting into different scenarios, etc. Overwhelming thoughts of one's future is common in people with anxiety, as you are afraid of not having that "perfect" life you desire. While it is true that people who don't have anxiety disorders also overthink and hope for a great future, it's a pretty frequent thing seen in Mao Mao, more often than the average person.
Believe it or not, the next three episodes following Bao Bao's Revenge also have signs of comorbid anxiety.
"Popularity Conquest" has a lot of lore in Mao Mao's self-esteem. He is so desperate to be loved and appreciated, he's willing to change his attitude and appearance. This pink-clothed, higher-voiced, "hipster" Mao Mao was a huge cry for positive attention. This, again, links back to the neglect he received as a child. GAD is more into play with this issue; Too much negative feedback causes him to explode in anger. However, he soon shuts down, deciding to no longer do the right thing, but to try and give the villagers what they like. Mao Mao seems to frequently battle with himself like this, wanting to follow all the hero rules he was taught, but also wanting to give in to his wishes and be given the love and appreciation he never received before. Comorbid anxiety is full of these types of challenges, unsure of what is better for you or what lies ahead. What would he lose or gain from each choice he has to choose from? It's a common battle we see him face in the series.
"Sick Mao" is leaning more towards GAD, with his illness being an obstacle he believes he can handle with no correct treatments. Heroes being sick is a sign of weakness to him, and he most likely learned this from Shin. He attempts to go along his day, refusing to believe he's sick up to the point where he faints and can no longer deny it. While this is a mix of regular stubbornness, it's clear that he fears not being strong or seen as a hero if he's ill. He gets upset once he finally admits to it, and it takes a lot for him to realize he can still be a hero without having to put himself at a health risk. Mao Mao's constant repetition of "being sick means he's weak" and "heroes aren't weak" is something he's had drilled into his brain by his family, and he believed it for so long due to his fear of disappointing them. This episode showed Mao Mao's agitation, self-destructive behavior, and flashbacks/fears of his past.
"Thumb War" isn't as different as the points I just made above, in which we see Mao Mao expressing his irrational and unrealistic behaviors once more. Shin expects a hero to always win, and that there's no point in any kind of competition if you don't win it. Mao Mao has also stuck this into his brain, so when he loses, he shows clear agitation and even embarrassment. He learns by the episode that he can lose and still have fun, but again, it took a lot for him to do so ( Adorabat getting upset and giving up, the village seeing his paws, etc. ).
In case you weren't sure already, GAD is more than just expressing anxious emotions. It can also cause irritation, in which the person can explode in anger if it's too much for their mind to handle. It can also cause unrealistic thoughts of issues and situations. Mao Mao shows this often, with the mental scarring of his childhood usually lingering behind him. The next episode I wanted to bring up for a moment was "Legend of Torbaclaun", which really expressed how unfamiliar Mao Mao is with the concept of "fun".
Mao Mao is always taking things seriously, sometimes a bit too much at the wrong time and place. This could be from his anxious thoughts of failing at his job as a hero, who should always stay on guard at all times. Letting loose isn't easy for him, and certainly isn't something he's familiar with. People with GAD typically see situations as threatening or serious, when they really aren't. This is basically the theme of the episode, Mao Mao doesn't see the Torbaclaun, yet others say they can and are setting up a whole get-together for its supposed arrival. He does everything he can to stop it, fearing the chaos that he believes could ensue. He goes from getting angry, to upset, to angry and upset again. He only realizes how much he's affected people once they show sadness, and it clearly wasn't his intention to send them home in disappointment. It's almost as if he never truly understood that fun is different for people, and not everything is a serious matter. It also further proves my point that all of this is built on fear when the end of the episode does, in fact, end in a chaotic riot. Mao Mao is seen freaking out, blaming himself for the chaos.
Most of the following episodes after this one show the same smaller signs that I already explored, like his refusal to believe rules are made up or unnecessary in "Meet Tanya Keys" and pretty much the entire episode of "Small". I saw these signs, but I never really felt as if it was enough to write an analysis or anything. The anxiety headcanon felt more like a "What if" or "Possibly" thing. But what really sealed the deal for me, and what made me write this whole thing in the first place, is the episode "Scared of Puppets". Just a warning in case you didn't read earlier, this will contain high spoilers, so don't continue on if you don't want to be spoiled. With that being clarified, let's break this episode down.
This one is about exactly what the title states, Mao Mao's fear of ventriloquist dummies. It starts off with him seeing the dummy for the first time, inside a box Badgerclops carries. Immediately after, he begins to sweat and panic, going to a flashback of himself at his birthday party. He experiences automatic anxiety just by looking at the puppet, but when its head falls off and into his lap, he screams in understandable terror. We go back to Mao Mao rocking back and forth on the floor, possibly an attempt to calm himself. He is jumpy, sweaty and even has a shakier voice throughout this episode going forward. Which, I want to applaud Parker for, because it was very well done. He tries to gather himself in front of his deputies, especially Adorabat. He can't even look at the puppet without gagging, and eventually pukes after Badgerclops purposely terrorizes him with it. Nausea and vomiting are definitely common in anxiety disorders, nerves at such a high level upsets your stomach and can also flare up your acid reflux, if you have that issue.
He still refuses to admit his fears, which irritates Badgerclops and worries Adorabat. Most people with GAD don't like to be open with their struggles, especially if they feel weak or like they've been worrying too much in recent times. Plus, this isn't an uncommon thing for him - denying his struggles and refusing to change can be a nervous habit. Especially when such intense fear, like this one, is occurring. Mao Mao is soon in a CPR class, where Badgerclops hands him a bag that contains the dummy. He is told to demonstrate mouth to mouth procedures on the dummy, and again, we see Mao Mao gagging just at the sight and thought of touching it. He stares down at the puppet in a sweat, his face even turning paler and he closes his eyes as his mind races. His thoughts go back to his father telling him not to be scared, with a bonus punch to the gut of hearing Shin Mao not remembering Mao Mao's age. This is the thought that triggers his first anxiety attack, in which he opens his eyes, screams, and runs off the table. To some people, it may seem like just a typical freakout, but as someone with GAD, this is a very frequent thing that happens similar to this. Sometimes a simple, specific thought can be your breaking point that you can't control. Of course, this is still a cartoon, so during his anxiety attack, he tries desperately to run away from the dummy ( which unfortunately hooks onto his cape ) and ends up causing a fire explosion. Badgerclops knows for a fact at this point about his fear, but Mao Mao still denies it, even after panicking in front of him.
The next scene, which is set at night time, shows multiple GAD symptoms that were more intense than usual. He is restless for most of the night, getting upset and angry that he's scared. He's in tears and eventually punching the wall furiously, telling himself he's not scared of the dummy. It's close to another breaking point, in which he gets up and goes to try and relax in the kitchen. In there, he ends up running into the dummy laying on the kitchen table. He gets scared at first, then attempts to face his fear by picking it up and slapping it. This isn't enough, obviously, and gets terrified when it slightly moves. He puts it quickly in a wrapped box, and this begins the start of a nightmare sequence. He's hiding under the table, where both the puppet ( in a gigantic form ) and Shin Mao are present. He's terrorized for being scared, and the nightmare ends with him nearly getting eaten by said puppet. He wakes up screaming, sweating and clearly dazed. Nightmares, or even night terrors, are also symptoms for GAD. Mao Mao is clearly having higher anxiety levels than usual, to the point that its affecting his usual sleep patterns.
This last scene I want to explain in detail, is by far, the heaviest and most clear reason for my headcanon. It hit me hard personally, and I tear up when I watch it. Because I know how Mao Mao feels in this scene, how his physical and mental state functions during such an attack.
After Mao Mao wakes up from his nightmare, the trio is quickly on a call for a monster attack. At the setting, the stand full of puppets is there, which Mao Mao tries to avoid at first. After the monster hits the stand and sends the puppets flying, they unfortunately land all around Mao Mao in a circle. His anxiety is triggered instantly, trying to keep himself from panicking. He slowly goes from a stand to a crawl, going less verbal and more shaky. Adorabat is attempting to encourage him, and reminding him that admitting his fears is okay, and that they're there to help. He then experiences a big hallucination of being surrounded by puppets, followed by hearing the repeated words of his father. About how he can't tell them he's scared and that he isn't allowed to show weakness, that heroes are never afraid. This can be viewed as a bit of a sensory overload, which is a symptom for multiple things, such as GAD and Autism. But he is then seen closing his eyes, barely able to stare at Adorabat, who is trying to comfort him. He's shaking and stuttering, almost going into a heavy panic attack. When a panic attack hits you hard, you don't want to stare at anything or try to stand or speak, your body is basically overwhelmed and needs to slowly relax before attempting to move. He also seems to have his hands near his chest, which leads to possibly another GAD symptom; Chest pain. He is attempting to tell himself he's fearless, but it becomes too much, and he finally gets the energy to yell that he's afraid of puppets.
The end of the puppet episode is also a fascinating touch, in addition to what I mentioned at the start of this analysis: Mao Mao doesn't get over his fears! Which I'm happy about, not because I want him to keep going through his fear, but because it's realistic. Fears and anxiety doesn't go away overnight, as much as I wish. I believe Mao Mao is still in the middle of the improving process. So, it's good to know that he's still not okay with the thought of puppets or how his past with them occurred.
It felt really good to write all this out! I really hope I make sense in this, I do tend to ramble on sometimes, so my apologies. In conclusion, these are reasons why I believe Mao Mao has Comorbid Anxiety, especially GAD. Will we see more signs of Mao Mao struggling with anxiety disorder symptoms? Maybe so, I'd be shocked and honestly disappointed if we don't! It's a very important thing to address, that most kids don't seem to understand the sincerity of these days. There's a big difference between regular anxiety, and anxiety disorders.
If you read this whole thing, BLESS you and I'd love to hear your thoughts on my reasons and headcanon! Thank you so much!
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It’s a Date: Hotch/Foyet
Lots going on personally, I’ve not been in the best headspace, so I wanted to finish up this writing exercise to get my creativity going again with. There’s maybe a follow-up in the works 👀
Hotch/Foyet, threatening flirting and a deal Hotch can’t say no to.
Rating: T (M? IDK only thing mature is talking of murder and horny language)
It didn’t surprise him when, a week after his escape from prison, Hotch received a phone call. It was to his government cell, which made sense; he gave the number to George in case he needed to talk.
Looked like he needed to talk.
“Agent Hotchner.” Hotch answered automatically, used to unfamiliar numbers all the time.
The familiar sigh had the hairs rising on the back of his neck, though this time, Foyet didn’t bother affecting a voice. It still made his skin prickle, knowing the face to the name. "I want to make a deal."
It was a mimicry of that call in Boston, and Hotch had to grit his teeth to reply. "We've been over this, monsters like you don't get deals."
"You may want to listen to this one."
To match their pattern, Hotch hung up.
The next day, a letter with a Reaper's eye appeared in his mailbox, with pictures of three people Hotch didn’t know captured intimately close to their doorstep, their car, their bus stop. None looked any wiser to the man stalking them. Naturally he took the pictures to Garcia, and to local police, but they all came up dry.
Hotch waited for the phone call.
"What's the deal."
Foyet paused for a moment, probably surprised Hotch didn’t offer a greeting. He answered with, "Why the change in heart?"
"Don't bullshit, what's the deal."
"What if I told you it was Shaughnessy's?"
"I'd call you an idiot for trying it again.” Hotch didn’t bother mincing words. “I already alerted authorities to your targets."
Foyet’s laugh crackled the phone line. "Tell me if you find them. Look, there's no need to be so dramatic. I don't intend to do them any harm."
"Forgive me if I don't believe you."
"Then let's get back to that deal."
Hotch waited rather than answer. Foyet sighed.
"Man of so few words. The deal is, I don't touch a single hair on some inconsequential person's head. Not so long as you do something for me."
"I’m not going to stop hunting you.” Hotch said immediately, ready to end the call again if Foyet continued with this pointless game.
"That's not on the table anyway.” Foyet replied with apparent disinterest. “Actually I'm enjoying our game of cat and mouse. I'm sure you're asking now, who's the cat and who's the mouse?"
Hotch didn’t indulge, done with his strange game as he snapped, "What the hell do you want?"
"Temper temper agent. I just want some quality time with you."
"Quality time."
"What can I say, a man gets lonely, and you look spectacular in those dress pants, do you do squats?"
It took every ounce of Hotch’s will not to hang up again. He didn’t reply either.
"God that stick is wedged up far, how do you sit?"
Apparently Foyet had no intentions of actually offering a deal. This was an easy, effortless tactic to assert dominance and control, Hotch should have known better.
Hotch sighed through his nose, "If you're just here to yank my chain, then this phone call is over."
"What makes you think I'm yanking your chain?"
"Nothing in your profile says that you're gay."
"That's awfully narrow-minded of you, what's Jack gonna think if one day he has to come to you and tell you his girlfriend's actually a boy-"
"You're not gay Foyet."
"I'm genuinely hurt."
Hotch said nothing.
"Alright, you're right, I'm not. But you really think I'm only straight?"
Hotch chewed his tongue, hating that he knew that while Foyet was a sexual sadist, and usually showed preferences to women, it wasn’t always. "No."
"See? Was that so hard? You're a handsome man, Aaron, of course I think you're hot, you should work on that self-esteem."
Foyet really needed to stop fucking around, he didn’t have the time. Hotch was losing what little patience he’d mustered as he said, "What the hell are you getting at with this?"
"Have you traced my call yet?" Foyet asked conversationally, still in no mood to oblige.
Hotch was sure Foyet called him purposefully during work hours, not that it mattered. His cellphone had been tapped since the first call. Unfortunately that didn’t matter either; they had been on the call for over ten minutes but Garcia, prattling into his earpiece, kept expressing her frustrations over pinging cellphone lines in Brazil, Bolivia, several other countries south but none near DC. Foyet was a computer technologist, it isn't a surprise. The fact Garcia was listening to this while she worked—the groans and muttered statements of “gross” filling his earpiece beyond her non-cursing—was knowledge Hotch decided to willfully ignore.
"Get to a damn point."
Foyet sighed again, and Hotch could almost see the head shake. "We need to work on your foreplay."
Hotch was convinced now. He had a stroke, that or contracted malaria; either way he had started hallucinating the world's worst nightmare in his death throes.
"You won't kill anyone... If I let you. Stare at my ass?"
"Oh, Hotchner. More than stare."
Hotch was glad he was on the phone, because even that made his eyes widen. "You're not serious."
"I'm dead serious."
"You want me to prostitute myself to you."
"That's loaded sentence. Especially since I'm not paying you. Think of it as more, vigorous arch enemy fucking that makes me forget how much I wanna hurt you."
"The answer is no."
"Then someone dies. Maybe it's one of those three, maybe someone else. Shit, maybe your wife. I can find her, you know that."
Rather than feel horror at that, or try to convince Foyet not to and waste his breath, Hotch muttered, "Maybe you like men, but I don't."
Foyet scoffed into the phone. "Don't lie to me. I remember how you were. You flirted with me back then."
Hotch felt sick. He felt sicker still knowing that Foyet was right. In another world, another place, when Foyet had just been George, he wouldn't have turned him down.
Foyet’s voice dropped low then. "I know you've thought about it, Aaron. How I might taste. What I'd look like on my knees. I know I have. You sound so good, I bet you're divine when you moan. Remember when I came home from the hospital? God, if you weren't so good and faithful to your wife, we would have done wicked things that night.”
Hotch did remember. Foyet—George—had been unsteady on his feet, fell into Hotch and he had stared at him for too long. The heat emanating from his body where they pressed, lithe muscle under his palms coupled with the cool brush of George's breath on his cheek, the hand on Hotch's jaw had been nearly enough to make him break his vows.
"Come on, what's the harm? You get to keep hunting me, you're guaranteed that as long as we keep this up, I won't go after anyone. No strings attached, just a good clean fuck."
Hotch chewed his cheek, curbing down the heat coiling in his cut at the sound of his low voice purring that into his ear. He couldn’t bring himself to answer, knowing the words would come out strangled.
"I'll give you a day to think about it. And so that you can answer with a few less prying ears."
Foyet hangs up. Hotch's head is on the desk by the time Garcia clears her throat and meekly says she wasn't able to trace the call.
It took a week before Foyet called back. He did so on his personal cell this time, which Hotch had asked not to be traced. When the familiar number popped up, Hotch answered with, "I suppose it's too much to ask that this is a one-time deal."
"…Hello to you too."
Hotch sighed, and Foyet hummed.
"Alright, to business. Think of this as more of a resetting of a countdown clock. The closer I get to zero the closer I get to that itch that just can't be scratched, and this strange desire to fuck you will be overridden by the need to well, kill. But if you keep me satisfied, you will reset that clock. Won't reach zero as long as we keep our deal."
It made sense. It was mostly clean, though Hotch had no reason to believe Foyet would keep his end of the deal beyond knowing Foyet genuinely enjoying a man’s suffering had been enough in the past. This wasn’t like Shaughnessy though, god knows this wasn’t like Shaughnessy. Was his unwillingness and distaste for this truly enough? Knowing he had gotten Hotch to agree? There were other options, ones less out of left field and ones more likely to get a yes from him. Why this, why…
Hotch didn’t know why he asked it, other than trying to find something grounding in what felt only like a cruel dream not yet tumbling towards nightmare.
"Why me?"
Foyet was quiet for a long time, and then, "Why not you?"
Hotch sighed, "No."
"No?" Foyet reiterated, an edge to it that sounded like threat. Hotch didn’t care.
"You heard me. No, I get one real answer from you, then—"
Hotch caught himself too late. Hotch could hear the smile. "Then what?"
There was so many other things Hotch might have said yes to. There were so many reasons why Hotch should say no. There was no way in hell Hotch could tell him yes.
His voice almost faltered on his reply. Hotch barely heard himself when he said it. "Then I'll take the deal."
Foyet chuckled, low against his ear, close enough to shudder through his chest and prickle his skin. "Of all the things to ask me. Are you sure you want it to be 'why you'?"
Hotch could ask a thousand questions. Why he chose to kill, why he played these games. The thing was, Hotch already knew. He knew Foyet lashed out because hurting others was a release after he had been so violently abused. Hotch knew he got off on power and control because he had his own stripped away. Hotch knew his sadism grew when he was a child left to his own devices, cruelty made into a language of love that twisted and warped him into this man they hunted today. Hotch knew all of that. He didn't understand why this.
There were so many games he could play with Hotch, plenty that would invoke the same level of suffering. Foyet could have ambushed and tortured him, even raped him if his end goal was purely carnal. He didn't. If Foyet intended on killing him after their sex—he doubted it, it shortened his suffering—he'd end the long game by getting arrested. If the unwillingness was the goal, then why taunt Hotch with the memory he had been attracted to him? There was a mind game to this Hotch couldn't piece together, some level of interest and infatuation with Hotch himself he didn't understand.
“Yes. Why me. Why bother with this?”
Foyet sighed audibly, almost a groan. "Really, agent? Because you get me hard. You make me feel like a little schoolboy that can't keep himself from pulling your pigtails. Because it’s a little difficult getting your dick wet on the run. So please oh please won't you go to the dance with me?"
As much as Foyet attempted to make the reply as repulsive as possible, Hotch's brows shot up to his hairline. Infatuation he anticipated, but the deflection spoke more of...of an obsession with Hotch himself. Hotch wondered in that moment, just how much control Foyet had over this desire himself. Hotch cleared his throat.
"If you bring a knife into the bedroom I will shoot you."
"Kinky. It's a date."
“So when should I expect you?” Hotch asked, and then added dryly, “Should I bring a corsage?”
Foyet barked out his laugh, “I’ll call you, how’s that? And just so we’re clear. You know what happens if you try to use this to catch me.”
With that Foyet hung up, with no time, place, or expectation of when this would begin.
Fuck. Fuck. What had Hotch gotten himself into?
#criminal minds#aaron hotchner#george foyet#fedreaper#hotchfoyet#My writing#my fic#idek man#come stab me daddy
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you bring the match, i’ll bring the gasoline
A/N: There Is So Much Wrong With This Fic I Can Promise You That Now.
This has quite an abrupt change of pace, it’s because I’ve been writing now for...four hours straight and I really just wanted the damn thing finished. Surprisingly there aren’t any explicit sex scenes in this fic. It’s just an idea I had that I wanted out of my head so I never have to think about it again.
Ship: Logan/Roman + Logan/Remus
Word Count: 3746
Warnings: con non-con, knife play, (mentioned) , cheating, brothers having the same partner (but are not together), Partner that has been cheated on immediately forgiving the other person. Generally not realistic. I think that’s it jesus christ.
Plot: Logan has never been good at processing his emotions, and when he manages to cheat on his boyfriend with said boyfriend’s brother, his handling of pain and pleasure takes a turn for the worse.
Title from Destroy Me by Grandson!
Sometimes Logan gets himself into interesting situations. Sometimes those situations are bordering on morally grey, most of the time he doesn’t really know how he landed in those situations. Even now, he’s not quite sure how this managed to happen to him of all people, or even the implications of his personality that he’d allowed it to happen.
He’d met Roman on the landing of his apartment complex, his head buried in his phone as he pushed his headphones over his ears, and walked straight into the man with crimson hair who was similarly preoccupied with the phone in his hand. Logan had darted out to grab Roman’s shirt to stop him falling backwards, pulling him forwards with so much force he almost fell himself. “Sorry,” he breathed, far too close to this stranger, who grinned in an eternally charming way.
“Anytime,” Logan’s cheeks had flushed and he remembered to let go of the other but the two hadn’t moved for a moment.
“Right, sorry, I have…” he pointed down the stairs “work, yes, I have work,” he’d hurried past, ignoring the smile he was being given.
“Hey, specs!” he looked up behind him to the voice, eyes wide. “Flat 23, 5pm?” Logan’s cheeks had felt hot as he opened his mouth to decline. But the longer he stared at this man the more impossible it seemed to say no.
“Okay,” he’d replied, his voice shaky.
It’s worth mentioning he had no idea what he was in for, or what to expect in the slightest. He gets in from work and has a shower, washes his hair, dresses comfortably but far nicer than he had that morning. He found the flat he’s looking for and knocked on, shaking like a leaf in these old hallways.
The man he’d run into before opens the door, his red hair damp like he’d also just gotten out of the shower but hadn’t had time to plug in a hairdryer. “You came!” He uttered cheerfully, holding open the door. “What’s your name by the way?”
“Logan, Logan Croft,”
“Nice to meet you Logan Croft, I’m Roman Prince,” he gestured into the hallway of his flat “Shoes off please.” There’s something relaxing about someone who has the same no shoes in the flat policy, because honestly who has time to hoover up that often? He toes his shoes off and left them by the row of other shoes that had made themselves a home in the hallway. “I’m going to have to admit I didn’t think you’d show, after all showing up at a stranger’s house...not very smart, however, I solemnly swear I’m not a mass murderer.” He wandered into the kitchen and opens the oven, grabbing a tea towel to slide out a tray of what looks like fresh cookies. “My brother, though, well…” Roman winked and Logan couldn’t help but smile as he watches the other turn off the oven, placing cookies on a plate, which is held out to him. “I also promise not to spike you.”
There was only really one way that night was going to end, there’s only one reason anyone invites a stranger into their home in the evening. But to Roman’s credit, just in case Logan didn’t get it, he offers to watch a film, Logan suggests they watch it in his bedroom and that pretty much solidifies that he does understand why he’s there.
Still, he keeps asking. He asks to kiss him, at some point, and Logan accepts, he asks to touch him, asks to suck him off, asks to fuck him.
Every time Logan said yes.
It’s been so long since he’d even thought about a one night stand that he finds himself craving more and more. There’s round one, then round two, and at some point, someone else definitely comes home because they hear the front door opening, at that exact moment Roman grins and presses deep inside Logan just to watch him try and stifle the moan, nails scratching at his partner’s skin in his desperation to keep his mouth shut.
It’s well into the night before the dark-haired man is finally spent. “Been a while?” Roman asks, the blankets pooling around his waist. “Do you want anything to eat?”
“It’s midnight,” Logan mutters “...I am hungry, however,”
The brown-eyed man chuckles and leans over to press a kiss to the other’s lips, much gentler than before. He wonders if you’re supposed to get a crush on people who only intend to keep you around for one night, as he watches Roman tug on a pair of sweats and disappears out of his room to the kitchen.
He hears talking, the brother he assumes and the sound of plates and running kitchen water. Roman returns some ten minutes later with a sandwich, some crisps and a glass of cola.
He also did not really intend to keep him around for the night, but he didn’t realise that until perhaps the fourth night. Logan thought, at the time, that perhaps he’s just convenient for Roman, he’s not very good with love languages and it took a little while for him to understand that the elder man likes him. As in, likes his company, likes his personality, likes his face, likes kissing him and holding his hand. At some point they weren’t even having sex, just cuddling and watching films and occasionally lazily jacking each other off.
“Would you like to be my boyfriend?” he asks.
“Are you sure?” Logan replies, looking shocked.
“You have the world’s lowest self-esteem, yes I’m sure.”
“I’m aware, then yes.”
And that was that. Logan had a boyfriend. That was fine. He was happy with that. But maybe not happy enough, maybe that’s why he did it.
Logan didn’t meet the inconspicuous brother for a while, usually because he spent all his time in Roman’s bedroom and Remus always seems to come in quite late at night.
It was his turn to get the snacks this time, and he knew his way around their kitchen (possibly better than his own) at this point, so he was stood in the kitchen, shirtless, with a pair of Roman’s sweatpants hanging off his much too thin hips as he looks around, pulling open cupboards to grab plates and bread and ham and cheese and crisps and biscuits. He remembers thinking he really needs to sort out his diet.
Then there was Remus, leaning against the kitchen door, quiet as a mouse. “The ever elusive boyfriend, I assume?” He looked just like Roman, but with a beard and moustache, his hair is it’s natural dark brown though, and whilst Roman tends to comb his out of his face, Remus’ falls into his wild dark eyes in a messy yet attractive fashion.
Logan swallowed dryly. “I...yes, the brother?”
“Remus Prince, at your service,” he bows dramatically “...now may I please squeeze past you handsome? I need to eat,” and squeeze past him he does, the kitchen is only small and rather cluttered but Remus’ hand rests on his exposed hipbone as he slides past and Logan almost drops the butter knife in his hand. He’s regretting wearing Roman’s sweatpants, they’re basically clinging onto him for dear life.
Remus doesn’t really miss the way the other’s cheeks flush, he just grins silently to himself and goes about making his food.
“I met your brother,” Logan comments nonchalantly as he hands a plate over to Roman back in the bedroom.
“I apologise on his behalf,”
“He seems...cute,” he uttered, his voice half-strangled as that definitely wasn’t the word he was looking for. Roman laughed.
“Cute? Remus? Are you sure?”
“He said I was handsome,” he bites into the sandwich, his eyes going to the movie on the screen.
“You are handsome,” Logan feels a soft kiss to his cheek and smiles. No, this is definitely what he wants.
One evening Logan gets a text from Roman ‘I’ve got to work an extra shift tonight, but Remus will let you in if you have nothing better to do, I should be home in about two hours, love you!’ he smiled at the text and replied with ‘love you too.’ His intention had been to not go over at all, to just wait until Roman was home for their usual Wednesday night “Netflix and Chill.”
(Curiosity killed the cat.)
Logan knocked on the door feeling just as nervous as he had the first time he’d stepped foot in this flat. Remus opened it, toast hanging out of his mouth like he was some sort of hamster. He holds open the door. “Roman’s not here, is it your turn to cook or something?” Logan laughed shortly and nods.
“I thought it would be nice for him to come home to a cooked meal.”
“Can I help?” there’s something in his eyes that makes Logan know that’s not the question he’s asking.
“Sure.”
He stands in the kitchen with a couple of pans, stirring pasta around one of them, and making a cheesy sauce in the other. Remus sits on the kitchen counter and fetches ingredients as Logan remembers them. “Do you have any chopped garlic?” Remus hums in acknowledgement, sliding off the kitchen counter and standing behind Logan, reaching up to the cupboard above his head. Again, his hand comes to rest on the other man’s hip, but this time the whole front of his body presses against Logan’s back. The wooden spoon in his hand clatters against the pan, his cheeks flushing as he swallows dryly.
Remus places the small tub of chopped garlic on the counter and Logan can practically feel his smirk even though his gaze is now rather pointedly on the food he’s stirring. “You’re terrible at remaining nonchalant, nerd,” he leans in so close to whisper this in his ear, practically towering over Logan’s body. Then he bites, gently, at the lobe and Logan’s eyes fall shut, a deep inhale ghosting his lips as his hand flies out to grip the kitchen counter.
Remus doesn’t ask, he takes. He switches off the cooker first then pulls Logan away from it, pressing him back against the kitchen counter. Logan doesn’t say no either, his hands gripping the grainy surface behind him as Remus’ lips trail from his own down his neck. “Say no,” Remus demands softly.
“No,” Logan replied, almost defiantly.
“Tell me to stop,” his hand cups Logan’s cock through his jeans.
“Stop.” His hips grind into the touch, a quiet gasp on his lips as he jolts into the grip. Remus unbuttons his jeans and slides the zip down, his hand reaching into his underwear to wrap around Logan’s cock. The smaller man feels caged in against the wall in a suffocating fashion, Remus’ body almost oppressive as he towers over him, their lips inches apart as he catches the breath fanning over his own lips.
“Do you want me to stop?” Remus asks, jerking Logan off slowly.
“Yes,” Logan lies, but he shakes his head as if to say no. Remus chuckles.
“Good, now you can tell Roman you told me to stop.” And then he sinks to his knees and takes Logan’s cock in his mouth.
There’s just something about the situation that has Logan going insane, the way the other man told him to say stop, the way he gave him leverage, and the way that even on his knees Remus seemed to dominate him, seconds away from bruising his thighs in his hard grip. It was a taste of something he’d never had before, something exhilarating, something...scary.
It was like a drug.
(Curiosity killed the cat. But satisfaction brought it back.)
He swears it won’t happen again. He intended never to do it again. He does do it again, and again and again. The situations getting riskier, the close calls coming closer and soon he can’t tell who he’s more looking forward to seeing.
On one hand, being with Roman is great, it’s movies and soft kisses and cuddling together and late-night conversations about the state of the world, it’s a hand holding his own and making him feel safe, comforted. He feels like he loves Roman, that he’d spend forever with Roman but the issue is, all that softness and kindness and trusting eyes...that’s not all he wants.
Remus is volatile, he grabs and he takes and he doesn’t wait for permission (although Logan knows if he really were to say stop, seriously, that Remus would). He grabs Logan’s wrists and neck and presses him against surfaces that hurt, he makes his muscles ache and turns his brain upside down, controls him with simple words and kisses that make him feel like he’s bleeding.
He doesn’t know what he wants, really.
Both of them, really.
But both isn’t an option he gets, and he’s fairly certain that it’s infinitely worse that they’re brothers.
So sometimes Logan gets himself into interesting situations. Sometimes those situations are bordering on morally grey, most of the time he doesn’t really know how he landed in those situations. Even now, he’s not quite sure how this managed to happen to him of all people, or even the implications of his personality that he’d allowed it to happen. All he knows is he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place and both sides are going to suffocate him until he snaps.
He doesn’t tell Roman per se. He asks a question instead, his hands shaking with nervousness because he realises what he’s committing too; a lifetime of deceit. He could still be with this man for years to come carrying the guilt of a situation with no way of escape but at least that torture is something he deserves, perhaps even something he enjoys.
“How would you feel about an open relationship?” He asks, sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to Roman so he can’t see the way his legs and hands are trembling like the cold winter breeze had descended mid-summer. Roman had hummed, looking up from the plate of biscuits that he was halfway through chewing.
“Sure, why not?” He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and swallows what’s in his mouth. “Like we’re together and see other people too? That sounds like fun,” he nods slowly “I don’t know who else I’d date though,” he laughs softly but there’s no upset in his eyes. “Did someone catch your eye?” Roman sets the plate to the side, a teasing smile on his lips as he wraps his arms around Logan “...don’t be shy, come on,” The smaller man can feel his smile against his neck and he doesn’t want to shatter it, he doesn’t want to break that lovely smile.
Maybe he should’ve thought about that beforehand.
“Remus,” he says truthfully and Roman’s body stiffens as he pulls away, a look of pure astonishment and confusion written across him.
“Oh,” he says softly. “I see.”
“I’m sorry I…”
“Sh,” Roman sighs “I’m just...surprised is all, I never pegged him as your type.”
“I don’t have a type.” That too is truthful, Logan does not have a type, whilst these twins have the same face they’re not at all the same person...in fact he cannot think of two people so wildly dissimilar. “I…” the truth is so close it’s right there on his lips, bubbling and threatening to come out but his throat seizes up and he can’t find the words to say. “I love you.” He says finally. “I don’t...think i love him, but…”
“You’re curious,” Roman finishes and Logan nods because yes, that sounds about right, he’s curious about Remus and this effect he has on him. “Okay, just, don’t fuck him whilst I’m home okay?” Another nod. “Other than that I sincerely hope you get the answer to whatever question you feel needs answering.” he presses a soft kiss to Logan’s neck, his arms wrapping around him again. “In the meantime…” he nips at the other’s neck “I better take advantage of you whilst you’re still mine.” Logan wants to cry. Roman sucks at his skin and he moans softly.
“Yours,” Logan whispers breathlessly but he doesn’t know if it’s to console the other man or himself. His eyes close to stop himself from crying or maybe it’s the pleasure of his partner’s hand slipping into his pants and squeezing him. He wants to breakdown as he jerks his hips into the touch, wants to scream when Roman’s teeth bruise his skin and he remains trapped in this guilt and lust like a battle between his body and his brain.
It all melts away. He almost sobs when his hips jerk and he calls Roman’s name, his body feeling light and his head spinning. It’s the most exhilarating experience he’s ever had. Pain is not only physical and this act of torturing himself and everyone around him with his heavy lie is the most sadistic and masochistic thing he could ever hope to find pleasure in.
He tells Remus what happened, the next time they’re alone. “Does that mean I finally get to really have my way with you?” He replies, pressing Logan up against the wall with his tongue trailing across his skin. The smaller makes a noise of agreement or maybe just feeling utterly dazed by the hand between his legs. Should he feel weirder about this? Less about the cheating, he knows that’s morally reprehensible, but the fact that they’re brothers that share him like another toy from childhood? Something about referring to himself as a toy makes him moan softly and he kisses Remus with a force like no other.
“Do whatever you please to me.”
The grin he gets back should’ve terrified him, but it doesn’t, it excites him. He finds himself being pushed through this tiny flat into Remus’ bedroom, down onto the bed, he gets handed a safeword this time, easy to remember “red,” to stop “green” to keep going. He feels scared when Remus asks him how he feels about knives, he sobs when he says “stop” and “no,” not meaning a single one.
He’s never felt so whole before. Or so broken. He knows despite the fact he has a safeword, he has no idea what’s going to happen next, he doesn’t even really know if Remus would stop if he used it. He’s scared, so scared, and not in a safe way...why does he like that?
And then later that same night he stumbles into Roman’s arms and the other man kisses him like he’s a prince, holds him like he’s made of glass, loves his body like it’s a commodity he could never afford. And he feels just as good, as content, but he doesn’t feel he deserves it.
Months past with this dual-life. He’s one person with Roman, another with Remus; and either way he’s in pain, he endures the agony of lying to Roman’s face just to get torn to shreds the next day by Remus. It exhausts him. Whilst all his encounters with Remus make him feel so alive, he starts to understand exactly why he craves it. And it’s not just because pleasure is enticing when it comes in the form of bitemarks, or the fact that being hit can feel like a kiss.
It’s the guilt.
Logan had never been good at processing emotions, and what had gone from a general need for submissiveness has turned into an act of retribution. He knew that as long as this goes on, there is no way he can live his life without seeking physical pain as a way to mask his emotional pain.
He tells Roman the truth. He sits him down, shaking and on the verge of crying and he tells him everything from start to finish, his cheeks hot with shame and his body aching with an urge to be sick. “It’s okay, I forgive you,” Roman says, and it makes Logan feel even worse. He’d rather the other man hit him, punch him, leaving him stranded on death’s doorstep. He thinks perhaps the other knows this and that’s why he says it.
“I can’t...I can’t accept your forgiveness.” He says. “I need some time away from both of you, I just need...I need to be alone.”
His time alone goes from days to weeks, to months. He avoids both of them like the plague. The more he thinks about it the more he doesn’t understand why he didn’t just say no to Remus. He has no emotional attachment to the other man, he could’ve just asked Roman to try some new things. He lusted for Remus, but even that fizzled out. The love he had for Roman didn’t even waver, he just felt less and less like he deserved to love him.
He runs into Roman on the landing of his apartment complex one day. He’s on his phone, headphones in, looking for the right song to aptly describe how damn depressed he feels. Roman, likewise, had his face buried in his phone, they both collide with each other, opposing forces moving too fast. Logan’s hand shoots out and grabs the other by the shirt, pulling him back so fast the two almost stumble backwards. “I guess we never learn,” Roman mutters, Logan’s hand still gripping his shirt. “I miss you.”
“I’m sorry,” Logan whispers. Roman leans in a little “I...work..I-I have to go to work.” He brushes past the other, scrambling down the stairs to get out of the building.
“Hey, specs!” Logan looks back. “Your flat, 5PM?”
Roman looks breathless and like he’d seen a ghost. Logan wants to say no.
“Okay,” he replied, voice shaky.
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Cruel Summer Spoilers
Now, I have to say that I was a bit peeved with the back and forth between time in the show, but overall I enjoyed watching it.
Spoilers!!
Now, I have to say that I was rooting for Jeannette since the beginning, so the ending completely took me by surprise.
My Analysis of Jeannette as a person:
We first see her as this happy go lucky girl with her two friends. I do believe that she must have had self-esteem issues and how her mom always wanted her to be different than what she was. Her father seemed fine with her, but there were always little slick comments that her mom made that I knew could be wearing her down. Then her brother who it seems at one point she had grown close to seen her as his nerdy little sister, or going through his phase of not wanting to hand out with her instead of friends and girls. I definitely could relate to that.
I think Jeannette did want to become like Kate. As we all can gather.
Though she did have those desires, for the most part, she was scared to try. I think when they started doing the list, the breaking and entering, that’s when she started to I guess get addicted to it. At one point, and this is not proven in show, I thought that she also had a crush on Martin. I think she could possibly have become a kleptomaniac as well, even though she took the globe on accident from getting spooked.
Crazy enough, even though it was shown that she knew that Kate was trapped, I find it more hard to like Mallory than I do Jeannette, even after knowing the truth,
Mallory was always angry with Jeannette for bringing up Kate whenever, but in the end essentially chooses Kate over Jeannette even when inconsistencies were shown in Kate’s story. Like I get that these are children, but Mallory definitely was controlling and shut down a lot of what Jeannette tried to say. Like if I know something doesn’t fit with what’s being said of a former friend AND I know the inconsistencies, I wouldn’t jump in between and then with the person accusing them at that. I know Mallory was going through her own stuff as well, but there was no way I could just let a former close friend be dragged when I know it to be the opposite of their character.
It’s also like they were saying that J wanted to dress and be like Kate when Jeremy was the one who approached J and his friends followed essentially. I’m sure Kate wasn’t the only girl to dress that way either.
I don’t know I guess I am stuck on Kate being so hard on J but all it took was some tears on Mallory’s part for Kate to forgive her. I kind of also knew that Mallory probably would end up liking or even dating Kate because of how adamant she was on hating Kate. It very seemed like projection to me.
At the end of the day, It was wrong of Jeannette to ignore Kate’s plea for help even if I understand why a troubled low self esteem teenager would do so. She was fearful of what was going to happen. No spotlight, no center of attention, no boyfriend or popular friends. When Kate’s found they would drop her. And they did. Doesn’t make it right anyhow but I could see why. In the scene we see her faltering between her desire to help before she processes what Kate returning would mean. Her smile was defo creepy because she knew that if Kate was gone then her position was safe. She wouldn’t be left behind.
I knew something was up in her reaction to Kate being found, it looked more nervous than relieved or interested. And at first I thought it was ONLY that she feared be left, but her expression just ticked something for me. There was guilt and fear in that look.
Even when Kate said it was J who saw her, I was confused. Then we were shown that there were no bars but Kate was walking around freely when she saw Mallory. So I am like how? But then later also, because I can barely see far. And you would especially not be able to see into a window from far away with lights off. You wouldn’t get any facial features and more of an outline of a chick really. That wouldn’t immediately point towards Kate.
I dont know. I think all need therapy. I think this season was done well. Season 2 is coming!!!
Keyboard is messing up. I will add more later.
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I’m SO obsessed with how you write Roman. I just keep re reading everything you’ve written about him🥺 can I request some soft daddy Roman? Maybe consoling his person after they have a minor freak out because somebody called them a gold digger or something... which is silly because they are high school sweethearts and their dynamic is hella established. Thankyou🥺🖤 your writing is literally perfect
(A/N): Hey sweetie!
I wanted first of all to say that THIS FUCKING MESSAGE NEVER FAILS TO BRIGHTEN MY DAY! SHIT SHIT SHIT YOU GAVE ME CAVITIES WITH YOUR SWEETNESS, I FOR EVER LOVE YOU!
(Also if I might ask: what is so special about my Roman? Like I am just curious, because I always feel like I write him a bit OOC, but...).
I also wanted to apologize for how much it took me to answer this ask; I started it and then moved it onto my iPad, knowing I would be working on it when I was back on at uni (and I haven’t been at uni in three weeks, BECAUSE SHIT KEEPS HAPPENING), so I costantly pushed it back.
But this week I felt like I was taking too much time and finally finished and I hope that you’ll forgive me, sweetie!
Have a nice reading!
WARNINGS: Mention of Sex, Daddy Kink, Mention of Past, Mention of Rejection and Self-Esteem Issues, Accusing of Being a Gold-Digger and Everything Related.
The weight of the ring on your finger was strange but not unwelcome, even more as it brought out the memory of the previous night, when Roman had asked you to marry him.
You still remembered having had dinner with him and Nadia, the child now attending kindergarten and being extremely happy about explaining to you and Roman all the fun activities she had done there, that went from coloring to playing ‘dress up’ with her friends.
You had listened attentively and smiled whenever she would get so lost in the story and forget what she wanted to say, almost even forgetting to eat.
Exactly as Roman, who had kept pushing around food and listened half-heartedly to his child, simply muttering a few ‘oh that is alright, sweetie’ and ‘I am glad you have fun’.
You had blamed it on an hard day at work, and as you two had been alone, you had gently positioned against his back as he had sat onto your shared bed, moving to massage his back, something which always relaxed him, as you softly kissed his neck.
‘Was it a hard day at work?’ you had asked, and he had simply nodded.
You had hugged him tight, wondering how you had come this far from high school when you and Roman wanted to do nothing more than rip apart your necks.
But then he had saved you from Christina and you had slowly started to forgive him for being nothing more than a spoiled boy and when Peter had run away and he had been left with Nadia you had started helping him, although he was extremely against help, till you made him accept it.
And slowly you had grown to love each other, in a way that was familiar and quiet but was much needed from both of you.
And now you were there with him in your arms, and Nadia in her own room, sleeping peacefully, like any normal happy child.
‘I have been nervous, mostly’ he commented and you lightly turned around to him, seeing one of his hands hiding behind his back but not giving it too much thought as you adjusted yourself on his lap, circling again his neck with your arms.
‘Can I help you with it?’ you asked softly, as you messed up his hair, to make him smile, but he kept on being ridiculously still and you couldn’t help but grow slightly worried.
And then Roman moved forward the hand he was hiding behind, revealing a small box of velvet in it, and although some part of your brain had its ideas, you couldn’t process properly the entire thing till Roman muttered.
‘Yes, you can actually’ he swallowed a huge intake of breath, before spluttering the rest of the words as if they were venomous ‘… you can say yes, to my question’.
And like this a beautiful ring was revealed to you, a small but shiny ruby in the center of the thing band of gold, surrounded by smaller diamonds, bringing an halo of light to your hand that you had been almost too taken aback from it to speak.
‘I…’ you had been the one speechless back then, and Roman had been almost startled by your silence-
‘… I want to make this official… I know that you… I am not the type of guy who settles down, I never thought I could… but I know you want it… and I…”.
You had been a bit taken aback by Roman’s discourse and had immediately told him that this wasn’t simply about you: you were happy with him, even without a wedding or anything making it official.
‘… for me a ceremony doesn’t make less or more the love I feel for you and Nadia’.
‘I know, but…’ he had looked away from your face and you had smirked at him, grabbing one of his hands ‘... but I fucking suck with words!’.
You had laughed a bit at his outburst, gently enveloping him in your arms as he had proceeded to whisper the rest of his vows to you.
‘… the fact is that… I never thought I would find somebody who makes me feel like you do’ the words had, this time, surprised you, even more appreciated than the beautiful ring as you had felt your eyes tearing up lightly ‘… I personally don’t believe that piece of paper will change us, but I know that you always wished to get married, so why the fuck not? I mean… you are the only one I want to spend my life with’.
You had cried in his shirt after all those sweet words, assuring that for you it was the same, till Roman had grumpily but sweetly proposed he ‘fucking put that pretty ring to use’, even going down on his knee and proposing properly.
As you had accepted, he had quickly smirked and muttered about ‘how fucking happy would your parents have been that he had finally made you an honest woman’.
And then the sex had been amazing: Roman had worshipped you softly, but once he had prolonged the teasing even for him, he had taken you roughly making you moan softly, as you stifled your groans against the pillows.
And now that the morning light was washing over you, the ruby shined even brighter, but not as Roman’s smirk as he saw you staring at it.
“Enjoying the view, Mrs. Godfrey?” he smirked softly as you adjusted yourself in his arms “… because you are stuck here”.
“Enjoying it very much, Mr. Godfrey!” you shot back, kissing his chest softly “… you should be the one worried about being stuck with me”.
“Are you a blood hungry upir?” he replied, as he lightly distanced himself from you: talks like this always made him nervous, but you respected his space and gently proceeded to also get away from the bed, eyeing the hour and knowing that Nadia’s alarm would soon be off.
“I am an annoying human with a pendant for art, I am pretty sure that I am not as interesting as a upir”.
He laughed sarcastically, but still leaned in to kiss your forehead as you found your nightgown and he his boxers, both putting on some clothes, meanwhile you felt the discreet squeak of Nadia’s alarm, which meant that you needed to be in the kitchen the fastest possible to have breakfast ready for the little hungry upir.
“… don’t talk nonsense when you are the only person I tolerate in the world” he muttered onto your forehead deadly serious, with that tone that made you feel like he would have gladly ‘disposed’ of anybody who hurt you “… and I think that we should celebrate about it tonight, so that we can tell it to Nadia”.
You were a bit scared of Nadia’s answer to you getting married with her dad, but nodded, as Roman suggested your favorite restaurant and the hour you got off the job.
“I can take you with the Jaguar” he muttered, meanwhile you both moved down the stairs, with him peppering gently your neck with kisses “… like old times”.
“That would be nice” you replied, although you were already focus on searching that little gremlin that Nadia was, moving around the kitchen, onto a stool as she tried to grab a box of cereals and Roman promptly grabbed her to get off the stool, lecturing her about ‘fucking waiting for them and not to fucking jump onto stools’.
You certainly knew who you would blame if Nadia was worse with her words than a sailor.
“But you are always sooooooooo sloooooow” she shot back, annoyed, and tightening her arms in front of her chest, as Roman did when he was annoyed, something which made you smirk, meanwhile you got the coffee ready for Roman, boiling your tea and heating Nadia’s milk “You always lose time to kiss (Y/N)”.
Although Nadia had once called you ‘mom’, you preferred when she called by her name.
You had never ever wanted to take Letha’s place, although you acted with her as a mom.
And you couldn’t help but, sometimes think that she might love you as such.
“… that’s because (Y/N) is in need of many kisses” he mumbled as he moved to you, to grab his coffee and kiss your shoulder, making you blush, as he then moved onto his daughter, tackling her to give her a few kisses as she tried to move away, giggling “… and so do you”.
You had a quiet breakfast, as Roman let Nadia know that they would go out that night and the child immediately asked you if she could wear her newest dress.
‘The white one that is like yours!’ she asked, as she almost pulled onto your hair to get your attention, as you nodded, meanwhile Roman simply mumbled under his breath about ‘how fast children grow’.
He eventually went to work, accompanying Nadia on the way.
Before he left, he kissed you goodbye and even laid a small kiss onto your ring, making sure that Nadia hadn’t seen him.
“See you tonight” he muttered as he left, and Nadia waved at you and you shot back.
“See you tonight, handsome!”.
You had then set down to work a bit on your computer.
Working in an art gallery was a tough work, but during these first years you had taken a part-time job, mostly to help with Nadia, but you were slowly going back to the usual rhythm, mostly working on the computer at home during the morning.
You, immediately, thought about bringing it to him, since you could already hear Roman screaming against some poor underpaid intern.
You had finished work early and didn’t mind a small trip.
Your good mood was honestly extremely strong, and you drove happily to the White Tower, jamming to your favorite songs, the awful pop ones that Roman hated a bit too much, enough to sing them in the shower.
You smiled at anyone in the White Tower, although many didn’t reply, but you were basically jumping around happily around the place, stopping as you came face to face with Sarah, Roman’s lovely secretary, talking as usual with her girlfriend, on the phone.
But she closed the call as she saw you coming, immediately reaching out for your hand, only stopping as she came face to face with the beautiful ring.
“… ahhh it looks even prettier than in the pictures on internet!” she commented, playing with your hand “… I am not going to lie but I chose it for you”.
You opened lightly your mouth to the surprise, but then she shook her head, smirking lightly.
“I was joking! But I was the one who ordered it for you…” she then turned to face you “… Gosh, I can’t believe that we’ll have to call you, Mrs. Godfrey!”.
“… or maybe you should start calling Roman (Y/L/N)” you joked lightly, and Sarah’s laugh intensified.
“If you do that, I’ll for ever respect you” she retorted, before taking in the computer bag in your hands “… need me to ring up the boss?”.
“If he isn’t busy…” you whispered, as she already moved to get the office phone to phone him in, meanwhile you clacked lightly your shoes onto the polished floor.
“He is in a reunion, but I can leave him a message in the secretary” she explained, as she let ‘Mr. Assholefrey know that his future wife had come to bring his moronic ass his computer’ “… I hope you don’t have much to do… and if you do, you can leave the laptop to me, I don’t mind it”.
“Oh no don’t worry! I have nothing to do till after the lunch” you explained to her, and then moved away to observe a few things onto the White Tower’s walls, as Sarah had to take another call.
You were trying to calmly relax yourself, as one light shoulder tap was delivered to your shoulder and you turned around expecting it to be Sarah proposing a coffee as you waited, but you were faced with a man smiling at you with recognition in his eyes.
You were taken aback and for a few minutes, not recognizing the man, a bit older than you and with all the signs of the typical economical parasite on him, hidden with an elegant suite and an expensive watch.
You tried to search your mind if he was one of the people Roman made business with, somebody you recognized from a gala or such, but your mind was blank till he called out your name.
“(Y/N)!” he shouted, attracting everyone’s attention when he went further and then hugged you, immediately soliciting a quirked eyebrow for you, asking whether she should have called security or not “… don’t you remember me? Christian from high school!”.
And immediately you realized who he was.
And you would have almost been happier with one of Roman’s partners.
Christian was and old high school friends of your life before Roman and Peter, he acted as if he was the best playboy the world had ever seen, but in reality he was a misogynistic piece of idiot, who thought that his big brain gave him the right to treat other people like shit.
“Oh, yeah... I am... I didn’t recognize you” you honestly had hoped never to see him again.
“We all grow up in the end, don’t we?” he replied and let his eyes go down your body with a rather explicit look that annoyed you “... you look freaking stunning”.
You blushed, and although the compliment wasn’t welcome, you were glad to have a ‘revenge body’.
You had been one of the few he hadn’t hit on back in the high school days, and although you knew it was because he was well aware you wouldn’t fall for his charm, you had sometimes questioned if maybe you had done something wrong to displease him or if there was something wrong in you.
Then you had met Roman, who would have gladly taken you on every possible surface when you were wearing nothing more than a dirty hoodie and awful Halloween socks, even when it was Christmas.
It certainly helped you with your self-esteem.
“We do grow up in the end”.
Christian had grown up far away from the ‘attractive’ person he was back then (if you found attractive, egotistic people), in a way that showed even further his own moral ambiguity, making you again feel at unease.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, not getting the hint that you didn’t want to talk with him anymore “.... I thought you worked in an art gallery...”.
“I do” and to prove even further your point you spit out “...I am actually the boss of the art gallery’s communications sector, but I am here to give something to my boyfriend, he forgot the laptop home”.
You immediately saw his eyes hazing with rage, as if you had rejected him.
“... oh, you have a boyfriend?” he questioned you and Sarah came to your rescue.
“A husband, actually” she giggled, making you blush lightly “... the owner of this place”.
Christian seemed to be lightly taken aback, before something evil twinkled in his eyes.
“... I didn’t peg you as that type of girl” you sent him a confused look “... oh c’mon! You aren’t dating Roman Godfrey for his niceness, are you?”.
“I actually do” you retorted, shooting him a finishing glance, wanting to get as far away to him as you could, honestly insulted with the way he had talked to you.
But even more horrified at the thought that somebody could actually think that you and Roman were together because of his money and not true love.
“… of course” mumbled Christian, simply raising his hand as a gesture of surrender, although his eyes were everything but convinced, shooting you a quick look of insult before he moved away.
You just didn’t feel like being there anymore, asking Sarah to bring the laptop to Roman, as you excused yourself, feeling deeply ashamed in yourself, almost as if everybody was staring at you as you moved till you reached the gallery.
Even there you were uneasy, thinking about whether Roman felt like you were with him solely for his money, the entire thought making your heart ache not only for shame, but for the pain and insecurity you might procure to the poor man.
You spent all afternoon in anguish and thought that you couldn’t just attend a dinner with that moment, asking Roman to cancel your bookings, hoping that Nadia would forgive you both.
The man didn’t ask too much, but right when you went off your turn off, on the way back home, he called you, as you were just adjusting your seatbelt.
“Hey, wifey” the petname made you uneasy, but you smirked as if he could actually see you through the car speakers “… is anything wrong? Because I have no problem deleting the bookings, but… you love that place!”.
“I know, I know, and I would love nothing more than trying to get Nadia to finish her plate, after she ordered too much food… but I am just tired, it has been an exhaauuusting day at work” you tried to sound convincing, throwing it onto the laughter in order for it to result more natural and hide your uneasiness.
But Roman hadn’t survived so far simply because he was pretty.
“Oh babe, I know perfectly your kinks…” he joked but he didn’t stop there, his tone dropping an octave “… and I know when you are lying to me”.
You saw no escape to this and just muttered.
“Can we talk at home of this?”.
“Of course, sweetie” now his voice was saccharine sweet, making you smile lightly at its ridiculousness “… I feel like you might need a hug”.
“Gosh you are beginning to sound too sappy”.
“But you are stuck with me, little shit”.
The mood definitely brightened up as you drove back home, but the embarrassment that came from Christian’s accusations hurt you in a way that made it all too difficult for you to think about having a talk with Roman, but the man was waiting for you in your sitting room.
‘I managed to get Nadia not to be mad with us with a small trip at Peter’s, he says that if we have any intention to conceive a child, we should consider naming him Peter’.
“That shit is creepy”.
“Tell me all about it” he shifted lightly on the sofa to allow you to sit next to him and have enough space not to feel overwhelmed “… but now you can tell me all about that sour mood in your eyes”.
You couldn’t help but be reduced to silence by the embarrassment.
“… any regrets about … the marriage thing?” although he tried to fake himself to be distracted by it all, you could hear the insecurity in his tone, making your heart ache and turn immediately to him.
“No, of course not, Roman” he didn’t seem reassured, but tried to open his mouth in a reassuring smile “… what about you? Any regrets?”.
“Why would I have regrets?” he shot back, letting anger show itself in his combative tone “… if it’s because you are feeling insecure, I can totally convince you with my silver ton…”.
“… because…” you honestly felt so embarrassed by the entire question that you blurted it out completely “…have you ever thought I was a gold digger?”.
Roman seemed surprised by your rambling, slowly linking all the words together till he found the proper meaning of your words, and went all up in your face, grabbing it so that you could stare him in his eyes.
“… babe you are the farthest thing away from a gold digger” and before you could reply he shushed you with that imperious voice of his that got your insides all tingly “… babe, I have package, I am not that usual ‘party-spoiled-trust fund child’…”.
“You do have to admit you are spoiled”.
“Let daddy talk”.
Now you were flushed all the way from your chest up to your cheeks.
“… and when you came in my life, believe me I was more bothersome than I was an advantage and a proper sugar daddy” he made you smirk lightly, gently softening his hold onto your cheeks, as he caressed it “I never felt like you were here for my money. My dick? Maybe… more like probably… but you are not a gold digger…”.
It was damnably reassuring to hear this, with his soft but rough voice, as he looked at you with those piercing green eyes.
“… and I’ll fucking drain whoever told you this shit” now his grip tightened as his hands drifted to your neck, gently gripping it as he moved to come closer to you, another hand moving between your legs, making you thankful for having worn a skirt “… Sarah told me of that dick that tried to get with you, well fuckface I got a ring on her finger first”.
“Believe me, Roman, I don’t want anybody but you” you spoke softly, feeling yourself melting completely against him, as his hand raised up your thigh, pushing itself to pinch your soft skin “… you are the only one who makes me feel good, daddy”.
“Then I do think that I’ll prove to you that I am worth more than simply my money”.
An amazing night of sex later, you woke up again against Roman’s soft chest, his fingers playing with your hair, as he had woken you up by his ‘work voice’ mumbling things at his phone.
You gently rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand as you adjusted yourself in an upright position to be able to snuggle further in your boyfriend’s chest, who you could feel growing restless, as he looked out for your hand, the left one, the one with the ring, making it shine as it caught the light of the morning sun.
“… am I talking with Chirstian fucking Idiotscreen?” well you could totally guess what was going on and stifled the laughter on Roman’s chest, as he moved his hand onto your hair “… hi, nice to meet you, fucktard, I just wanted to let you know that I won’t fund your shitty project. When I looked at it yesterday it seemed like a shitfest but I was feeling generous because… I do think that you know… I am getting fucking married!”.
You could completely hear Christian’s heavy breathing on the other line.
“… well then you pissed off the wrong person, so fucking disappear from my White Tower and next time you want to call somebody ‘gold digger’ make sure they aren’t your boss’ wife. Goodbye”.
And then he turned to you, cradling your head in his hands and pushing you close to him, letting your lips meet.
“Good morning, gold-digger” you giggled softly in his mouth, as he adjusted himself to kiss you more properly “… now I can already smell your arousal and we have at least one hour to fuck, before Nadia comes back”.
“… then I do think that you better start, soon-to-be-husband”.
#Roman Godfrey#Roman Godfrey Reader#Roman Godfrey x Reader#Roman Godfrey Imagine#Roman Godfrey Fic#Roman Godfrey Ask#Roman Godfrey Drabble#roman godfrey blurb#Roman Godfrey Oneshot#Roman Godfrey One Shot#Hemlock Grove#HG#Hemlock Grove Imagine#Roman Godfrey Fluff#Fluff#Roman Godfrey Smut#Smut
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roll over | (gen)
Pairing: Feral & Wolffe
Genre: Fluff
Words: 2875
Summary: “Kriffing hell, I can’t deal with this,” he mutters. Out of everything the Zabrak could do to cause trouble, he chooses to become a toddler. Wolffe glares at the kid, and Feral’s eyes grow wide. Then he starts to cry.
Or: Wolffe learns his greatest weaknesses are Dathomirians, Plo Koon, and snuggles.
Wolffe trusts his general. He can’t count how many times General Koon saved his life. From fighting in the battlefield to advocating for Wolffe to stay by his side, the Jedi has been there for him like no one else—aside from his brothers. So Wolffe trusts Plo’s judgement even if he disagrees with it. But he has to put his foot down before he reaches his breaking point, and the addition of a Nightbrother to the Wolfpack is enough cause for Wolffe to slam his plastoid covered foot down with all the force of a Zillo Beast.
Plo found the boy by accident. Well… found was an understatement. The Republic had sent the 104th to Dathomir for more information about Maul and Savage. The place freaked him out more than it should have. Who can blame him? It’s said that Ventress was born on Dathomir, and anything to do with that assassin sends streaks of rage and fear through Wolffe.
Thankfully, everything went well with Mother Talzin, but as they were about to depart, Wolffe got a sinking feeling. No one could find his General—which shouldn’t have been hard since the man is a Kel Dor —and two hours later, there was still no sign of him.
Until Plo ran towards the ship with an unconscious Zabrak in his arms, Mother Talzin screaming behind him. Wolffe understood immediately, so the Wolfpack readied the ship, and they flew off before the scary witch caught them. She screamed something along the lines of, “I will curse all of you!” But Wolffe didn’t worry about that.
After providing food and basic medical needs to the Zabrak, Plo sat the Wolfpack down to explain the situation. Wolffe knew what to expect. Plo was going to tell them that he found the boy in need of help, and Plo was the only one who could provide. So Plo just had to stage a rescue for the boy and escape the witch, putting himself and his men in danger. Wolffe is only slightly miffed. The same situation occurred many times before, so what was one other rescue? But no, this Zabrak—Feral—is force sensitive . Which is great. For Plo and no one else.
“Wolffe, this boy will remain on the ship until he recovers. Then I will train him.” Wolffe scowls. The General leans against a wall, arms crossed. He looks too relaxed, too calm for Wolffe’s liking.
“Sorry, sir, but that boy is the brother of two Sith lords. If they find out we captured him, they’ll be on our asses.” Wolffe understands Plo’s undying paternal obligation to anything and everything. But Wolffe will not let Plo’s feelings get in the way of everyone’s safety. He’s lost too much to let a passing fancy harm anyone on board.
His general sighs. “He was abused, Wolffe. His neck was crushed then healed in the most painful way possible. If Maul and Savage cared for Feral, they would have rescued him themselves. And yet, we’re the ones who did. His Force signature is confused, scared, and hurt. That boy needs help, and I will provide it. Feral will stay on this ship.” And that’s an order , Wolffe finishes in his mind. Plo doesn’t like to command his men in the same capacity as other generals. He treats everyone like his own sons. Plo’s Bros , the Wolfpack calls themselves. It’s only on rare, important occasions where the hint of an order laces Plo’s voice. Unfortunately, this seems to be one such occasion.
“Unless, of course, you are truly uncomfortable with Feral. Say the word, and I will drop Feral off at a nearby med bay.” And with that statement, Wolffe is reminded of how nice his general is. The change from order to concern almost gives Wolffe whiplash. Plo makes his own decisions and expects Wolffe to back him up, but he also holds Wolffe’s opinion to a high regard—something that Wolffe feels he hasn’t truly earned.
Clones were supposed to give their life to the Republic and the Jedi, not to be nurtured and cared for. Yet, a High Councillor chose to keep Wolffe despite his disability. Wolffe begrudgingly admits that Plo’s paternal feelings have saved his and his brothers’ lives countless times.
In an effort to make his general happy, Wolffe acquiesces. “No, it’s fine, sir. He can stay. But if he causes trouble, he’s gone.” Wolffe knows Plo is smiling at him. Despite the mask covering his face and Plo’s lack of human lips, Wolffe knows. That di’kut is probably feeling smug because he got me to cave , the commander thinks.
Plo nods at him and heads off to tend to the injured Zabrak. Wolffe takes the time to clean his armor. In the corner, Boost and Sinker play sabacc. Comet watches idly, eyes already closing. Warthog sits in the cockpit, piloting away. This , Wolff thinks, is family. And no is going to harm them under my watch.
An hour of calm coexistence passes. Plo had poked his head in to tell Wolffe that he was going to sleep in his anti-ox chamber. Comet and Sinker slept as well while Boost joined Wolffe in repainting his armor. They always keep gray paint and brushes on board for this exact reason. Every gray line serves as a reminder of all the men he lost, all the brothers who died—not in the midst of battle but in space, at the mercy of a superweapon and picked off by hunter droids. Gray is the mourning color for Mandalorians. And Wolffe will continue mourning long after the war ends—if it does.
A loud crash reverberates along the ship walls. Wolffe bolts to his feet, Boost right behind. Another thump and Wolffe deduces that it's coming from the spare room. Where the Zabrak is.
Wolffe signals for Boost to stay put, and he marches on. He’s down to his blacks, but he has enough sense to bring a blaster. He nudges the door open, blaster raised. Plo won’t forgive me for shooting his new stray . And the door swings wide to find… nothing. The only thing out of place is a knocked-over chair. The room is dark, but he should be able to see Feral.
But there’s no sign of the yellow Nightbrother. Wolffe lowers his blaster. Where could that Zabrak be? Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees something glow. He raises the blaster again-
A small whimper escapes from the glowing eyed thing, and Feral steps out from the shadows. Except it’s not really Feral. Instead of the slim, injured Zabrak, a small version stands in his place.
“Feral?” Wolffe sets his weapon down on a nearby desk, still eyeing the child. He slowly sets the chair upright again. The kid leans into the wall and cradles his arms to his chest. “Kriffing hell, I can’t deal with this,” he mutters. Out of everything the Zabrak could do to cause trouble, he chooses to become a toddler . Wolffe glares at the kid, and Feral’s eyes grow wide. Then he starts to cry.
Feral’s cries aren’t loud. It’s quiet like he’s trying to keep it all in. He chokes on his own tears, holding a hand to his mouth to muffle the sounds. His shoulders quietly shake, and he leans further into the wall. He’s a sad, pathetic sight. Kriff, what would Plo think about the whole situation? He’d probably coo at the kid and be happy that he now has an actual child to spoil. But Plo is sleeping, and Wolffe doesn’t want to wake him. Plo barely rests enough as it is.
Wolffe doesn’t know what to do. It’s not like he’s trained in childcare. He’s probably the commander who’s least willing to approach a child— aside from Fox who almost ran over a Senator’s kid with a speeder bike; to this day, he claims that’s it an accident but Wolffe knows better. Even the clone cadets on Kamino don’t cry often because it’s better to act tough than look weak. They were probably programmed to not cry. Besides, he looks at his little brothers and sees the best soldiers in the galaxy instead of the children they are.
Feral continues to muffle his tears, and Wolffe asks himself one question. What would Plo do? Many answers come to mind, and Wolffe picks one that won’t damage his reputation.
He crouches down to the Feral’s eye level. “I’m sorry, kid. Didn’t mean to make you sad. I’m Wolffe.” Feral wipes his eyes with a grubby, trembling hand.
“Wuff?” The commander snorts.
“Sure.” He holds a hand out, and the boy takes it. It’s wet from his tears, and Wolffe has to stop himself from cringing. He can deal with blood but a child’s tears and snot is something he doesn’t want to touch.
“Where brother Sava?” Feral peers up at him, gripping his hand. “Wanna Sava.” Kriff. Is Feral seriously asking for Sith Lord Savage Opress right now?
“Savage isn’t here.” That’s the wrong thing to say apparently because Feral bursts into tears. Only this time, they’re loud. “Shush, shush,” Wolffe says, trying to calm the boy down. The Wolfpack is search and rescue, so Wolffe knows some things about damage control. He pats the kid’s back, and Feral stops his tears after a while. “Umm, Savage is on a mission right now. He’s not here.”
“Brother Sava coming back?”
“Yeah, later.” Wolffe resists the urge to facepalm. He shouldn’t have told little Feral that Savage would arrive. Now the kid’s hopes are up, and he’ll cry when Savage doesn’t show up. Great.
“Wuff?” He grunts at the kid. “Food?”
“Oh you’re hungry, you little demon?” Feral’s face scrunches up at the insult but doesn’t say anything. Maybe he shouldn’t call the Zabrak a demon. The self esteem of a child can be damaged at a young age which could lead to insecurities later in life. He thinks. Wolffe isn’t sure how nat-born kids work.
“Sava give food. Wuff give food too?” The beady eyes of a hungry Feral stare at him. Wolffe can take the kid in a fight with one finger, but Feral looks absolutely predatory right now. Were all Zabrak kids… this scary?
“Fine,” he says, rolling his eyes. Wolffe picks the kid up and sets him on his bed. “Don’t move or no food.” Feral nods solemnly and places his hands in his lap. What an obedient kid. Wolffe hopes he stays that way.
The commander leaves the room, keeping the door ajar. He finds a ration bar and some water in a drawer. At least Warthog didn’t eat them all . There’s enough to last a few rotations, but it would be better to stop and pick up more supplies soon. They had to rendezvous with Cody soon and provide some supplies to the planet they finished securing. With Kenobi, Skywalker, and Ahsoka, the planet is much more damaged than the locals would like. So of course the Council is sending Wolffe to clean up the di-kut jetiise mess. Just as he’s about to exit the storage, Boost walks by.
“All-clear?” Wolffe debates telling Boost about baby Feral. Boost doesn’t show any contempt like Wolffe did for the Zabrak nor does he express the same happiness as Plo.
“Yeah. Go and sleep. You need it.” Boost salutes with a grin and stalks off to his bunk. Wolffe pockets the food and heads back to Feral’s room. He finds the boy in the same spot he left him in.
“Here you go,” Wolffe says and tosses the ration bar at Feral. His little fingers struggle to open the bar. After a few moments of Feral failing at ripping the packaging, Wolffe takes it from the boy and opens it himself.
“Thank you,” Feral whispers before chomping down. At least the kid has manners. Wolffe watches Feral’s face scrunch up at the taste of the rations.
“Not good, huh.” The Zabrak shakes his head.
“Dee-li-shous.” Wolffe scoffs. There’s no way the kid actually liked that stuff. He hands the water over once the kid finishes devouring the ration bar. They sit in silence, staring at each other. Wolffe doesn’t know what to do next. He’s fed the kid, but what now? Play time? He could always make the kid run a quick training circuit like all the clone cadets, but Wolffe has a hunch that nat-borns don’t jump out of bed and do a hundred pushups for fun.
“No horns.”
“What?” Feral points at Wolffe’s forehead.
“No horns. Weird eye.” He’d think it was an insult, but Feral seems genuinely curious. Maybe it’s the first time Feral—toddler or not—has seen someone who isn’t Dathomirian. He knew the planet is a bit more primitive and closed off, but Wolffe has the feeling that the people there don’t really get out much.
“I’m a clone. We don’t have horns. And I lost my eye in a fight against Asajj Ventress,” he shrugs. The event was so long ago that he doesn’t feel pure terror at the mention of her name. Besides, ladies love the eye. Feral’s mouth opened a tiny bit in awe.
“You wa-ree-or?” The kid looks amazed.
“Yeah. I’m a warrior.” Feral acts like a shiny. Every time the 104th get new troopers, they look at Wolffe with awe and fear. Even before the loss of his eye, he had a reputation for being scary. The shinies would straighten up and become quiet whenever Wolffe was around. Especially since the exploits of his Kel Dor General were nothing short of legend. Him and Plo make quite the intimidating pair.
“Like brother Sava,” Feral grins. As if Wolffe is anything like the Sith Lord. He wonders if Feral even knew Maul existed.
“Sure.” Wolffe expects the conversation to end there, but Feral reaches out to him with a grubby hand.
“Sava tuck me in bed. Wuff tuck me too?” Wolffe can’t imagine the angry Sith tucking his little brother to sleep and singing lullabies. Kriff, Wolffe can’t see himself doing that to anyone. But Feral looks so hopeful, and Wolffe wants to avoid another cry session. Damage control and all that.
“Whatever. Lay down.” Once Feral adjusts himself on the bed, Wolffe pulls the blanket up to the kid’s chin.
“Snuggle?” Feral asks hopefully. Oh no. By the grace of Jango’s shebs , Wolffe prays he did not just hear the word ‘snuggle’ escape the little demon’s mouth. He can see his entire tower of reputation crumble from the weight of that word. Wolffe can endure long campaigns and stupid clankers. But snuggles?!
“Um, no. Sorry.” Feral’s face contorts, and Wolffe has enough experience to know that he’s about to cry. “I mean, roll over.” Feral immediately smiles, and Wolffe rolls his eyes. He looks so happy that Wolffe wants to frown just to balance the emotions in the room. The kid obliges, and Wolffe scoots in. The bed is made for one person—not one and a half. So Feral buries his head into Wolffe’s chest.
It’s uncomfortable. The kid’s stubby horns dig into his ribs, and Feral is much warmer than Wolffe would like. He briefly remembers something about Zabraks having two hearts. He glances down at the kid. Where does he have the space in that little body to contain two kriffing hearts?
Feral curls deeper into Wolffe’s chest, little huffs escaping his mouth as he finds a comfortable position.
“Nite, Wuff.” The commander strokes the back of Feral’s head. It’s awkward, but the kid doesn’t mind. He doesn’t know if anything is real at this point. A few hours ago he wanted to strand the Nightbrother on the closest backwater planet, not cuddle next to a toddler version of him. How did Savage even deal with his younger brother? Wolffe would love to see the Sith Lord snuggle Feral then promptly shoot Savage between the eyes for killing clones. Well that’s dark. Probably shouldn't think of murdering the kid’s brother while I’m snuggling him .
“Good night, Feral.” Wolffe forces his eyes to close, and he wraps an arm around the kid. Feral murmurs something and drapes a skinny arm over Wolffe’s body. He stiffens. The last time someone hugged him like this was… well Wolffe doesn’t even know. Clones gave each other side hugs and pats on the back. On Kamino, cadets would sneak into each other’s pods, but that ended for Wolffe when he went to the command track. For now, Wolffe lets himself relax and allows sleep to take him.
It’s much, much later when Wolffe wakes up to find the entirety of the Wolfpack and General Koon staring at him. With a now-adult Feral buried in his arms, snoring lightly. He’s tempted to say that it isn’t what it looks like, but he’s too damn tired. Wolffe knows Plo is grinning under his mask (at least the equivalent of a Kel Dor grin; Plo projects all the smug feelings through the Force anyway). The rest of his men look at their commander, horrified. Boost is especially scandalized. Wolffe would be too if he weren’t so sleepy. Whatever. Everyone got to rest. It’s his turn now. So Wolffe closes his eyes and drifts back into sleep.
#feral opress#wolffe#clone wars#star wars fanfiction#wolfpack#commander wolffe#the danger of cuteness
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