some Thoughts on chapter 13 now that i've finished:

I LOVE HOEDERER.... i already did but like. Really enjoyable to get his POV in this event and see more of his inner thoughts and motivations. I'm fond of characters who are so tired and worn down and jaded, but manage to hold onto some scrap of hope regardless, even against their own better judgment. A lot like Mlynar in that way, tbh.

regrettably this chapter sold me on hoederines a little. i'm CONFLICTED because i love wines so much, dammit. (and manhoe, but there's not as much of a conflict with my headcanons there.) But their relationship is so good regardless of whether you read it as romantic or platonic.

speaking of, Ines was a delight in this chapter. Love her role as the resident non-Sarkaz Sarkaz who is completely unaffected by whatever arcane bullshit is getting to Hoederer and W in any given moment, so she can yell at them to snap out of it and save all of their lives lmao. I love her deep loyalty and care for them that she expresses in everything but words. ugh ugh i love her

the little subplot with Vendela and the Sarkaz commander who tried to keep her safe was sweet and sad, I wish he'd gotten a unique sprite at least. I kind of want to see her meet Flamebringer now and her reaction to the friendship between him and Perfumer... I feel like there's some parallels there.

We're starting to see some payoff to the buildup with Siege in this arc, and I'm so glad! I've never really understood the hate her arc gets - I know it's partly that I'm biased, she was my first 6* so I'm rather fond of her, and I just really like the whole concept of the Glasgow Gang. And I think it doesn't help that ch12 was (imo) the weakest part of act 2 so far. But also, it was always really clear to me that we've been just... laying the groundwork with her up til now, I didn't really expect her to have big moments or turning points yet? Idk. i kind of want to write a whole post about her arc and my thoughts on it at some point. BUT, I really liked her in ch13, seeing her start to really come into her own and how all the events of act 2 up until now have shaped her decisions.

I'M REALLY SAD ABOUT GUARD ACTUALLY??? :( Tbh I have not really cared much about New!Reunion until this chapter, except for Talulah, but I'm finally getting invested. And Talulah's confrontation with Eblana was AMAZING. I've always seen her as a foil to Talulah - while Talulah started down her path with good intentions and ideals, Dublinn seems to have been like late-stage Reunion from the very start, because Eblana has always cared more about seeking power than about the oppression of the people around her. SO FUCKING SATISFYING to see Talulah, of all people, calling her out on that, and protecting Reunion from her. I really hope we get more of these two in future, and also more Reed in main story please please pleeeaseee.

This chapter was wonderfully cohesive with the themes of tradition and bloodlines vs forging a new path. Siege, Delphine and Horn, all beginning to break away from their inherited roles in Victoria's hegemony and fight on their own terms instead. The Kazdel flashbacks, the spacetime feranmut, and Hoederer's POV - a character who wants to see a better future for Kazdel, while still remembering and learning from its past. Nine, Guard and Talulah dealing with what Reunion means as a symbol, and figuring out what it should become. Shining and Nightingale, confronting the Confessarii and their own past. Even Vendela, having to let go of the life and traditions she'd grown up in, the townspeople clinging to familiarity and the hope that things would go back to normal to the point that it was literally going to kill them. The confrontation with the Sanguinarch was such a great culmination of all of this, with his fixation on blood purity and the glorious lost past of the Teekaz. And he's defeated by several people who all soundly reject his vision of what the Sarkaz "should" be - Amiya, the outblood King; Logos, who does have a "pure" bloodline by the Sanguinarch's standards but refuses to be defined by the role he inherited; Hoederer and W, two of the mixed-race "commoner" Sarkaz he's so contemptuous of (and Hoederer specifically rejecting the idea that the Sarkaz's destiny must always be soaked in blood); Ines, who isn't a Sarkaz at all, except she is, because her family is Sarkaz, and she's always going to be one of them. It was! So fucking good!

[ TW: child harm ]

collection of old drabbles

straight ships that are actually really sweet and meaningful and both characters have solid arcs outside of their ship mean everything to me.

“You named a bee after me.”  “For you, Watson, I’d make adjustments. Always.”  “I'm so grateful that I fell into your orbit.”  “The thing that’s different about me, empirically speaking, is you.”  “I'm gonna miss this - not this, but...this. Working with you. I think what you do is amazing.”  “I think you have a lot to share if you cared to. I shouldn’t be the only one who knows you.”  “I will never allow harm to come to you - not ever. (’You can’t promise that.’) And yet I have.”  “I now value the work we do, first and foremost, because I do it with you.”  “We're two people who love each other.”  “If you go, I go.”  “I’m staying.”

im being sentimental again but i think one of the most beautiful things to live for are those moments that explicitely and suddenly show you that you have healed and grown from something. like the day i first cried in front of a friend without feeling entirely nauseas about it and i had the really sudden and random thought that my twelve year old self would be horrified and digusted by my current self. and i had no idea when that happened, at what point i stopped being twelve and scared and started instead just letting myself feel things. it's proof i finally learnt to let people in even if i have no recollection of opening the door. and as a child reading books, i thought romantic love was the best thing that could ever happen to a person, and as a teenager with failing friendships, that dream of being saved by The Love of My Life kept me afloat. but last night i went on a date and yeah it went well, but also when i came home my two flatmates were waiting giggling in my bed like children and we all squeezed in so they could find out every silly detail, and i thought that love was just as beautiful as anything id conjured in my head. like just having those moments in life where you realise you are so different to how you once were, in ways that would both enthrall and horrify your younger self. having proof that you have grown. you have healed. you are making a life that's beautiful

I think it's interesting and speaks to varied experiences that a lot of aromantic people talk about never having had crushes, or picking someone to have a crush on. I definitely got crushes and still do, my experience wasn't never crushing on people, it was that my friends all took crushes Way More Seriously than I did

Sakura: "Holding hands: 1 star."

Sakura: "Holding hands and they do that little thumb stroke: 5 stars!"

Saki: "@Ai"

Ai: "I'm actually so sick of you tagging me in shit like this. I can't be fucked with it anymore, just piss off."

Saki: "Fuck off."

yall ever get friend crushes? like you meet a person and you like them so much and want to know all about them and get so unbelievably excited at the thought of spending time with them?

If someday Richarlyson die I need to put Girassol from Ira! in a playlist, or write an angst fanfic based on this song focused on Forever

Sorry for the vaguepost it's with kind intentions but the amt of times i have had to tell people to stop flirting with me & then they act like they weren't

weird that the shape of love is two beating hearts glued together and not two hands holding each other

hero time. if you even care ... jk I'll make you care 🥺

my buddy for life 😭 I care about him so so much!!!! 😭😭 the bestest friend one could ever ask for, he just needs to be told that he is doing amazing and everyone is proud of him 🥺 don't worry though because that's me I'll be the first to tell him 🥰

he makes me super happy and he wouldn't even be trying, yet he still makes me so excited :')) <3 i just wish I could be there with him all the time huhfuhu but i know he knows i care lotsssss

how do i say it for the people, kathy's very cold "edmund was a family-oriented man" bore more awareness of who her son really was than the bellows and cries her husband ever gives. which makes it understandable why its her who he keeps guarded and alone among the pictures in his bedroom. which makes it more painful when she's always picked everyone and everything else over him.

Ah yes time to try and figure out…. Do I actually want to date someone? Cuz I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how maybe I would actually want to date someone, or am I just desperately scrambling for that type of relationship because im finally realizing and accepting I will never be a priority to my friends when they all have those types of relationships and it’s making me sad and I just want a relationship with someone where I actually feel important and not just like the second priority and am only worth being around/being taken care of when they don’t have that type of relationship or their partner is busy? Cuz oh man… I have been feeling that more and more recently

Today was especially exhausting, tbh it's been an exhausting WEEK so today I bring you not much else other than platonic Anakin thoughts cause I love him very much and I was having some talks with my bff and Ruby! ❤️

As kids, I think my s/i and Anakin were very much the same brand of chaotic, but I was just a step further than Ani cause he's always has the expectations of The Chosen One, so even though trouble has a knack for finding him, he still cares what the Council thinks of him. I, however, have no such expectations. Not to mention a very loosey-goosey hippie Master too! Ruby suggested that that may cause a bit of tension between us because he can't be as carefree as I can.

And it all comes to a head when we're like 15 or 16 and I convince him to take a speeder out and go on a joyride with me! Maybe we get into a drag race and get mixed up with some bad sorts or some other trouble, but we're caught and reprimanded hard by the Council but he gets the worst of it, and then an earful from Obi-Wan to boot. Anakin blows up at me about it after he's excused, and at first I think he's just being stubborn, but then I get a scolding from my Master. It's mild at best, and clearly out of love because she feared for our safety but it's still enough to shake me to my core cause ouggh parental disapproval and I realize I need to buckle down and be better, and I do!

Flash forward to Attack of The Clones at the start of the war, me and Ani have both grown quite a bit and I'm one of the jedi that come to the battle of Geonosis and even help save Ani, Padmé, and Obi-Wan! I'm a Knight now, and when all is said and done I greet Ani with the same familiarity as before with "I see you've still got the dorky Padawan haircut!" "You... passed the trials??" "What, like it's hard?"

But upon seeing his face at that, I tell him how good it is to see him again and when we're alone together again we have a heart to heart. He sees I've learned that my actions have consequences and have matured a bit, and he's learned to care a little less about the Council's disapproval and trust himself more and we realize how much we missed each other and still care about each other. :'3

And after a few more jokes and a hug, we're happy to be in each other's lives again. And despite the uncertainty of a war starting, we know we'll look out for each other from now on!

had the realization that there's the possibility i'll never kiss anyone in my life and i was completely ok with that. i'm actually really happy for myself about this so i wanted to talk about it a little bit :D