#and it’s painful as hell to read | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

China blocked Tumblr because of pornography and censorship problems in 2013.

#and it’s painful as hell to read

novelconcepts · 24 days

Text

I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.

And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.

#i saw the tv glow #I saw the tv glow spoilers #it is SUCH a queer story #the disassociation. the hiding in fiction to feel alive.#the horror of watching time tick by and knowing you’re not who you’re meant to be #the unique paralysis of staying put in hell because it’s safer than what might be over the horizon #the tragedy of trying to help someone who isn’t ready to be helped #god it’s so much. god. rarely do I walk out of a film and just stare soundlessly into space #anyway. please see this movie. although I sort of hope if you’re reading this post it’s cuz you already have #eta: I used he because the main character never quite vocalizes another pronoun #but this is SUCH a trans story. suuuuch a trans story. it is not even a little subtle #it’s so good and so so painful

2K notes · View notes

stormboundstars · 2 months

Text

ok ok but [spoilers ahead!] all the implications that Edwin and Charles are both each other's light in the dark. The lantern Edwin brings over to warm up a badly hypothermic Charles, the way its golden glow and Edwin himself kept the sick boy company, making that cursed attic room less gloomy. The flash of the explosive Charles throws at the baby doll-head demon that finally allows Edwin to run and escape with him from Hell. The confession scene, with that golden light burning persistently around the two of them even in the bleak stairways of Hell, reinforcing how they will always be there for each other no matter what. guys, they're each other's hope. guys.

#dead boy detectives #dead boy detectives spoilers #edwin paine #edwin payne #charles rowland #despair of the endless saying edwin's place isn't in their realm.#to me it meant because edwin still has hope and that's represented by charles literally descending hell to save him.#MY BOYS #the sandman #the sandman universe #gaimanverse #dead boy detectives netflix #can be read platonically or romantically btw #neil gaiman #newt's notes

498 notes · View notes

dawn-the-rithmatist · 2 years

Text

Obsessed with authors like Naomi Novik whose books always seem to say “no, fuck that, there is another way than cruelty, and we do have a choice to be decent, and not choosing it isn’t a burden but a cop out.”

Authors like Neil Gaiman whose books seem to say “we are all simply human, and that is so valuable. This world is worth more because we are in it, when we choose to notice and care”

Authors like Brandon Sanderson whose books say “We are all a little broken, and there is strength in not turning away from us, and there is pain in healing but there is also strength and hope.”

Seriously, these folks do more for my faith and hope in this life than any religion ever has. I don’t have the words to describe it yet but just. Warm cup of apple cider held close to the chest on cold autumn night?? That’s the best I got

#recommendations #does this count as a recommendation?? everyone should read their things if they get the chance. must recommend. there now it’s a red #dawn speaks #the sandman #where death goes from person to person and the episode is a celebration of life as much as it’s life’s end #good omens #where people literally look at Heaven and Hell and say ‘we’re good thanks. we like Human better than Good and Evil’#the scholomance #where people see ‘for the greater good’ and say in response ‘do better’#the stormlight archive #which is some kind of ode to pain and healing and the way that process holds something difficult but so so beautiful #I have read fanfiction that has perfectly captured the human condition #and watched children’s shows that spit in the face of all the ways we have chosen to hate each other #it just. it hits different okay.#anyways thanks to people who make things #because you reach people <3

2K notes · View notes

khattikeri · 2 months

Text

maybe a controversial opinion but while i really love jiang cheng as a character he is deeply self-centered as a person. and seeing people fight tooth and nail claiming he isn't, or is just misunderstood, or that he has genuine valid reasons to be selfish when plenty of other characters make the difficult choice to forego status and opportunities for what they believe is genuinely right to do (read: wei wuxian, wen ning, wen qing, lan wangji, jiang yanli, mianmian, etc.)

it's just odd to me. especially if they're talking about the novels.

mxtx didn't give jiang cheng the name "sandu shengshou" as a quirky coincidence. there's a REASON she named him & his sword after the 3 poisons of Buddhism (specifically ignorance, greed, and hatred). it's crucial to the story that jiang cheng is NOT selfless and that wei wuxian IS.

it's important to accept that wei wuxian is, by their society's standards, not morally gray; he represents several Buddhist ideals in direct contrast of jiang cheng and multiple people attest to wei wuxian's strong moral character, which is a lot of why jiang cheng even feels bitter about him to begin with.

it's crucial, because by the end of the novel jiang cheng realizes the extent of this and begins to let go!

the twin prides thing wasn't jiang cheng wanting them to 100% mirror the twin jades. he does care about wei wuxian, but he wanted wei wuxian to stay his right hand man, in part the way wei changze was for jiang fengmian.

and if there's one thing you can notice about wei changze in the novels, it's that literally nobody talks about him. he is only ever mentioned when his cool mysterious mountain sect wife cangse-sanren is mentioned, or (even more rarely) when they discuss him as a servant to jiang fengmian. regardless of jiang fengmian's own feelings, wei changze was considered lesser to him and didn't seem to outdo him, since nobody's out there years later still waxing poetry about wei changze's skills.

it may not be the only thing jiang cheng wants out of a twin pride dynamic, but it is a big part of it. regardless of his parents' intentions in taking wei wuxian in and treating him certain ways, this twin pride right-hand man thing is what jiang cheng has felt owed since childhood. he gave up his dogs for wei wuxian, people gossip about his sect heir position with wei wuxian there... jiang cheng wants the reciprocation of what he views as personal sacrifices.

he is ignorant to the depth of what wei wuxian must've suffered for over 6 years as a malnourished orphan child on the streets. he hates how wei wuxian's intelligence, witty charm, and cultivation abilities are naturally stronger than his own. he does care about wei wuxian a lot and want them to be together as sort of-brothers, sort of-friends, sort of-young master and sect servant...

...but if it's between that unclear (yet still caring) relationship and being able to save himself just a little bit more, jiang cheng nearly always manages to clam up in the face of danger and choose the latter, which ultimately benefits himself most. maybe it's a stretch to call that sort of thing greed, but it certainly isn't selfless.

there are of course plenty of justifications for this. it's his duty as sect heir. his home and sect was severely damaged by the wen attack and subsequent war; he had to protect himself, etc.

but doesn't that prove the point?

wei wuxian may be charming, but in terms of pure social standing, he is lower and far more susceptible to being punished or placed in harm's way by people who have more power and money. to protect wei wuxian, yunmeng jiang's long-term head disciple and semi-family member, even in the face of backlash and public scrutiny would've been the selfless thing to do. this is what wei wuxian does for the wen remnants in the burial mounds.

jiang cheng does not choose this. it's not even an unreasonable choice for him to make! nobody else in the great clans is doing such a thing, stepping out of line to take on a burden that could weaken them in the long-run. wei wuxian himself doesn't hate jiang cheng for it; he lets go of these things and focuses on what good he can do in the present.

jiang cheng thinks further into the future - what would happen to him if he continued vouching for wei wuxian and taking his side? what about jiang cheng's face, his sect's face? would wei wuxian even care to reciprocate somehow? everyone expects him to cut off wei wuxian for being dangerous, for threatening his position, for...

do you see what i mean? to call jiang cheng selfless for falling in line with exactly what people expected him to do after the war is not only wrong, it's foolish.

"but they faked their falling-out!" okay. why fake it to begin with, except to protect jiang cheng and the jiang sect's own face? is that selfless? who does it ultimately serve to protect? wei wuxian canonically internalizes the idea that he stains all that he touches, including lan wangji, and agrees to the fake fight because he doesn't want to cause the jiang sect harm. regardless, it eventually slides into a true falling-out, and in the end jiang cheng is more or less unscathed reputation-wise while wei wuxian falls.

that isn't selfless. it's many things! it's respecting his clan and his ancestors, it's making a good plan for the future of his sect and cultivation... but it isn't a truly selfless in the interest of what's right rather than in the interest of duty and what's good for him and his family lineage.

that brings me to my next point: even though wei wuxian hid the truth of the golden core transfer, jiang cheng spent nearly 20 years believing that the golden core "renewal" he was given was a birthright gift of wei wuxian's from baoshan-sanren, an immortal sect teacher of wei wuxian's mother's and a martial elder to wei wuxian.

of course we all know that's a big fat lie, but jiang cheng believed that wei wuxian gave up a critical emergency use gift to him for decades! he was lied to, yes, but jiang cheng immediately agreed without even needing to be convinced. the light in his dead eyes came back with hope the moment wei wuxian even said baoshan-sanren's name. he accepted wei wuxian's offer to give that up to him and take it via identity theft without missing a beat.

with how mysterious and revered baoshan-sanren is, that's obviously not a light sacrifice to just give up to anyone, no matter how close they might be to you. pretending to be wei wuxian to take the gift could even be considered dangerous. what if she found out and got offended? could wei wuxian be hurt by that?

jiang cheng doesn't even hesitate. wei wuxian is the one who mentions that if jiang cheng doesn't pretend to be him, the immortal master could get angry and they'd both be goners. and funnily enough, the day they do go to "the mountain", jiang cheng is the one worried and suspiciously wondering if wei wuxian was lying to him or had misremembered.

of course they've both been traumatized like hell prior to this point. but still: it speaks to how broken he was at the moment as well as to his character overall.

i digress: jiang cheng "gets his golden core back" via what he believed was a gift that should've been wei wuxian's to use in serious emergencies. rather than use it for himself, wei wuxian risked his own safety and gave it to jiang cheng... and jiang cheng still ends up embittered and angry, believing that wei wuxian is arrogant and selfish.

if he truly views them as 100% brothers and equals with no caveats, why would he think that way? it's not like he needs to grovel before wei wuxian for doing that, or to reciprocate... but this is what i mean when i say jiang cheng feels he is owed things by wei wuxian. wei wuxian's actions hold a very different weight in jiang cheng's mind, and jiang cheng himself doesn't ever act the same way, except once.

is it wrong for him to feel like he is owed something? it depends. many asian cultures, including my own, feel that a person owes their family in ways that may not make sense to westerners. for example, it's considered normal for a child to owe their parents for giving birth to them, or to other caretakers for feeding, clothing, sheltering, educating them, etc.

however, something like verbally saying "thank you" or "i'm sorry" to family is considered crazy- why would you owe that? you're supposed to inconvenience your family; saying thank you or sorry is the sort of thing you say to a stranger or acquaintance. i get half-seriously lectured by my elders on this a lot even now, even though they know such phrases are just considered good manners in the US.

this muddies up the idea of wei wuxian being jiang cheng's family vs his family's charge or servant even more. jiang cheng wants wei wuxian to be close... but ultimately doesn't really choose to use what power he DOES have to protect wei wuxian. he considers himself still owed something that in his mind wei wuxian flagrantly never repays.

this isn't even getting into how despite spending a majority of his time with the yiling patriarch he never once noticed that wei wuxian stopped using any spiritual power-based cultivation. even lan wangji, who met them far more rarely, realized that something was wrong and that wei wuxian had taken some sort of spiritual damage, hence the "come with me to gusu".

of course manpain is fun and i'm not immune to the juicy idea of them reconciling and talking things out... but jiang cheng is deeply mired in his own desire to be "above" wei wuxian in multiple ways, and doesn't realize the extent of wei wuxian's actions, the intentions behind them, and the consequences wei wuxian knowingly faced for them.

to not recognize this about jiang cheng, especially in the novels, is really revisionist if you ask me. i reiterate that i really do like him a lot. he's flawed, angry, traumatized and has poor coping mechanisms, an overall fascinating character... but he is not selfless nor ideal, and i seriously draw the line at people saying he is.

wen ning shoves this all into his face at lotus pier to disastrous results. it is the reason why jiang cheng's a total mess at guanyin temple, and the reason jiang cheng ultimately doesn't tell wei wuxian about the fact that he ran towards the wens on purpose.

for that one last act of his to have really been selfless, he needs to not seek anything in return. he did it purely because it was right to do to protect someone else. if that means wei wuxian never finds out about it, so be it.

that moment that ended up causing jiang cheng irreversible harm is not a debt that wei wuxian owes him. it hurts, but no matter how bitter it is, that realization is so important to him changing in the future.

#keri chats #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #jiang cheng #long post #this is NOT anti/crit for him btw i like him a lot i just feel like nobody interprets him the way i perceive him #which even then my interpretation is p nebulous... worth saying i also heavily disagree w ppl who think of him as an evil shithead #he's upper class & steeped in jianghu politics/self preservation. flawed as hell human being but they're all war criminals lbr it's #Magical Genocide and War Crimes: The Novel #anyway this post is messy as fuck but if u read all of it: thank u. if u agree with me: ilu. i wish more ppl understood revenge ethics #as they stand in asian cultures and history vs in western (almost always culturally christian) cultures #it's unclear how far in the future the extras are but at one pt he's ''the same as ever'' which at best indicates slow emotional growth #and like. ykw? i don't think he'll be repressed bitter angry thinking abt his losses n pain forever. i think he can grow i believe in him #i have so many thoughts on this i could've made this post go on forever augh

69 notes · View notes

demodraws0606 · 2 months

Text

You know I think there is something interesting to say in terms of where the fuck WxS is going because like

I think WxS is the only unit where the end goal or overall progression is probably the most unknown out of all of them ???

MMJ and VBS are extremely obvious, they both have the most explicit goals that are said to us in a straightforward way

25-ji, in the end we know the main goal at the end will be for all of the characters to go over their hurdles with Mafuyu finally being able to find herself and move forward

Leo/need is probably the closest in terms of vagueness but we know the end goal is clear for them to grow as a band, probably ending in a big concert or something along those lines

But with WxS...like I guess the closest thing I can see to an end goal is all of WxS preparing a show together with everyone playing their part but that definitely doesn't feel like something you'd build up for an entire arc and definitely not something that feels fitting after the emotional turmoil that was the disbandement arc ???

In terms of physical achievements as well they literally revived an entire parc through one gigantic show, so it just comes into question what they can do now.

Then you look at their first few event for this arc considering usually the first event kinda set up what will be planned for the future but it's...weird.

Yeah, Tsukasa and Rui's events set up they're inexperienced and how they will grow in the future but also there is this weird feeling of something feeling off ?

The plays/scripts all are strangely depressing, the play in Tsukasa's event being about a failed writer planning to drown himself (which I believe is one of the only undeniable explicit description of suicide ever in the game?????) and the second being someone whose given up on life meeting their estranged sister only for her to become ill.

We even have Emu's side story in Rui's event where they watched the movie Rin was watching during the event made by the same producer and Emu herself note how depressing the story is (meanwhile the main character of the movie clearly parallels Rui)

We don't see the conclusion of these in-game stories as well, lingering on their worst moment never really seeing the presumably happy conclusion.

THEN we also have Emukasa fes which....again strangely different in tone from what you'd expect a WxS fes card, they're not really all that conclusive either. Tsukasa never aknowledges how he relates to the brother in the story and Emu doesn't really get a conclusion on her grief.

Then we also have Rui's entire fuckign event with the cards and his cyberpunk deadbo-YOU SEE WHAT IM SAYING

The closest we fucking have to knowing what WxS's fucking endgoal towards the story is, is fucking WL which....TELLS US NOTHING

At least with VBS we know that they're goal is to go even further beyond and conquer the whole world, that is a developpement of their goal.

What I'm saying is I don't know what the fuck colorpalet is cooking wiht WxS but I feel like i'm a fucking twilight zone reading the way they're writing WxS now because I can't be the only one feeling insane at how weird all of this is

#wxs #wonderlandxshowtime #project sekai #pjsk #prsk #wxs prsk #wxs pjsk #reading this fucking unit feels like i'm stuck in a strange hell dimension where everything just feels like foreshadowing or some kind of #fucking wink colorpalet is oding at me like it's not the first time they've done insane foreshadowing with wxs #in fact its the norm #i wish i could know what goes on in their head when they write these clowns cos i swear i can't understand what the fuck they're doing #like with other units i can geyt like a general idea #but like WxS ????#they could go literally anywhere with them #i guess going to broadway could be like a huge goal but like ?????#it doesn't FEEL WxS yknow ?#especially after the disbandement arc which we technically haven't gotten really a conclusion for because...Emu's still gonna come back ??#So like what do we do when Emu comes back to Pheonix Wonderland ?????????????#Cos I do think WxS would want to come back to perform but ESPECIALLY nene's dreams are kind of incompatible with that #cos we know she wants to perform all over the world like her idol #It's just #I guess I'm waiting to see what kind of unholy bullshit colorpalet has for us after the pain that was the disbandement arc #i was also tired while writing this so if this seems extremely rambly thats why #i'm just losing my mind

36 notes · View notes

luck-of-the-drawings · 1 year

Text

THAT WOUND. THAT VILE WOUND. it throbs in time with your speeding heart, and the ache it carries through your veins is oppressive, its hot, it tangles around your jaw and through your spine and behind your eyes. there are needles, sprouting from the lacerations like the most heinous ivy, and it strangles your lungs, rips tears from your eyes, lures bile to your throat. it hurts. oh god it hurts. you cant think, you cant breathe, you cant swallow, you cant see. you cant see. you cant see. you cannot see but you know when your eyes are closed, because there are colors stained upon the backs of your eyelids. they form images of loved ones, of viscera, of bile and blood and blackened mud. its jarring, they make anxiety spike outwards, frantic ferro fluid, frightened from faces too scared, too pained, too dead, too piercing with eyes staring straight at you, straight at you. actually, you cant tell when your eyes are open.

SAUCE FREE VERSION UNDER THE CUT.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #jrwi riptide spoilers #cw blood #gillion tidestrider #cw injury #wadda hell else i tag this as huh #OHH I HAVCE A STORY FOR THIS ONE. IM ACTUALLY POSTING SMTH AS SOON AS I FINISH IT THIS TIME #I STARTED THIS LIKEEE I THINK A TWO WEEKS OR SO AGO. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SCRIBBLE SKETCH similar to that one i made o chip #BUT THEN WELL. I GOT ILL AND MY WRIST STOPPED WORKING N MY PEN PRESSURE STOPPED BEING REAL #SO FOR A MISERABLE WEEK I WAS JUST PLACING PIXELS WITH MOUSE OR NONDOMMY HAND. SLOWLY BUT SURELY #THE PAIN I DEPICT HERE IS REAL. AND ALSO BASED OFF MY EXPERIENCE WITH AGONIZING TOOTH PAIN. I LOVE DESCRIBING PAIN #ALSO so i have limits with how Gross i draw gore. like i cant stand puss or anythign too gnarly like eeeeww i dont like it too yucky #EVEN SO. THIS WOUND? FESTERING? BLISTERING? HOOOWWW FUN EHEHE i wanted to make this wound look PAINFUL and AWFUL and GROSS but not TOO GROS #OH TURN UR BRIGHTNESS UP FOR THIS ONE BTW #THERE ARE THINGS HIDDEN IN THE DARK AND ALSO THE COLORS LOOK LIKE SHIT ON MY DARKER MONITER #im also rly proud o the colors... pink blood on chest vs blue blood on face. the STICKYNESS. BEHOLD MY VISCOSITY. the splatter. the pain.#OKAY OKAy i think im done ramblin for now #if u read all this thankuuuu i loove yooouu

168 notes · View notes

aboveweirdest · 2 months

Text

For real tho once i finish trimax i DESPERATELY need someone to scream about it with. Cause my current trigun friends have either only watched stampede or the 98 anime. I will absolutely go insane if i have no one to cry with me over this hellscape of a manga that i love so much

#trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #wolfwood #trigun wolfwood #vash #trimax #trigun manga #trigun maximum #taking applications for trimax friends lol #hell if you wanna scream about it now that's fine too #you just gotta deal with me reading the last few volumes #and having copious amounts of feelings about it #and of course quoting all the most painful lines at you in all caps

27 notes · View notes

lavenoon · 5 months

Text

Decay (~9.4 Words)

A Hero to his village traveled to find the Witch, pleading for power. Centuries later, a renowned assassin is revived to face off against yet another Trollhunter.

But how does one turn into the other?

An introspection piece on Angor Rot

Notes:

Proceed with Caution, heed the tags. While the self harm is canon typical only, there is a significant focus on the thought processes involved. (I also gave Angor a lot more depth than canon would dare, and all of it is pain).

Otherwise, this is just a big middle finger to the canon timeline (that I have tried to figure out, but gave up on upon reading the wiki). This is based on the show only, and taking liberties there already (and ignoring the Wizards paradox).

I’ll also state here that I have taken the liberty of renaming some aspects of Angor’s magic. It will be more relevant in coming one shots, but I have opted for “doll” and “glomerate” as both (Animus) Totem and Golem have specific cultural annotations that I am not comfortable appropriating.

#post let luce #trollhunters #tales of arcadia #angor rot #deya the deliverer #morgana le fay #severing hell's leash #(posted to that series and canon to that timeline because i say so)#my fic #I got distracted from episode rewrites to instead write whatever this ended up being #pain #lots of it #pure angst no comfort #i have a happy end in mind for Angor as a character sure; im a sucker #but this is his past and thats only painful #so really; REALLY read the tags and make sure youre in the headspace for it #(also please do not blindly copy these tags. organisational is fine but these are my ramblings)#(and frankly if someone copies the MY FIC tag I get angry. its not yours. please dont.)

24 notes · View notes

wingsofhcpe · 22 days

Text

anyway if yall want something greek-mythology inspired to read, please pick up Threads that Bind by Kika Hatzopoulou. It's a post-apocalyptic fantasy romance (soulmates!) with lots of queerness in it, inspired by various mythologies but centered around greek mythology, with a greek-coded protag & cultural elements strewn across, and written by an actual greek woman who lives in Greece. It's also the first book I see by a greek author to be written & published in English/abroad first, and to go semi-popular on western reading circles.

we need more like this. please support her.

#threads that bind #kika hatzopoulou #greek mythology #bookblr #also the sequel comes out in less than a month and im SO hyped #i literally just finished the book and cant wait for the sequel. the pain and plot twjst at the end. THE CLIFFHANGER HHHH #it's also the first fantasy book by a greek author i read that has queer ppl in it #as much as i love our fantasy authors they rarely if at all include queerness in their work...#probably bc they know it would tank their sales here (since most of them publish here first. kika is an exception)#and the largely homophobic conservative country would target them to hell and back #anyway pls support miss kika i love her work!!!

14 notes · View notes

d1sc01nf3rn0 · 1 year

Text

So I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: do you think Klaasje had nightmares with her in place of Lely's body on the three, just like Harry?? Considering she keeps believing that the bullet was meant for her?? Considering she blames herself for it?? Considering she saw herself in Lely, as some sort of "individuals with fucked up pasts"??

#i wrote a larger analysis but im too i pain from wisdom teeth to polish it #i just think Klaasje position and motives are too interesting to be read as just your average femme fatale #de hell thoughts #disco elysium #klaasje amandou #miss oranje disco dancer #klaasje disco elysium

85 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

understanding-song-lyrics

Hard To Understand Song Lyrics

mangoob

Gilbert Garfield

maleficsorcerer-blog

Take heed, lest he fall.

royalcrows

RoyalCrows

lesefniz