the thing in ad astra/de terra that lights up my brain like nothing else is the concept of cariad beads

cariad beads and cariad braids fuck so incredibly hard and I think about it constantly

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

Dottore’s lover who is salty about the death of his Segments. They know it was a necessary sacrifice for the Electro Gnosis, but they were so fond of his younger clones!!

In an act of pettiness, their home is redecorated with a family altar that has photos of the fallen Segments. His lover will regularly light incense and leave offerings of Dottore’s favorite food for them, preferably in front of the original and Omega Build. If Dottore objects, they will just say it is part of their grieving process >:/

And if this lover is Pantalone, he should also expect a grand funeral held for the Segments.

Hi it me again 〜⁠(⁠꒪⁠꒳⁠꒪⁠)⁠〜

Funfact: Artic Orcas have allgie growing on their skin, due to the high nutrients, which they cant get rid Off the normal way. Because it's so cold in the Artic Ocras cant properly shed their skin, not like a snake more like us one little bit at a time, so the allgie stays on their Body.

BUT they have found a way to get rid the allgie, rubbing up against iceberg. This has only been observed in person and never recorded. Howerver reacently National Geografic maneged to capture a video of this rear behavior.

Link to the Newsletter: https://www.newsweek.com/incredibly-rare-orca-behavior-captured-video-first-time-1844762

So how bout Y/N just shows up with a big brush (maybe a hard bristled broom) and giving Eclipse a good clean and skratchs.

Heya, babe! It's always a treat to see you in my inbox!

Oh my gosh, I imagine that Eclipse does his own scratching/cleaning to get rid of the itch but if Y/N offers, he's practically screaming yes at them to go ahead. Eclipse would breach himself and stretch out as if it were a spa day and keep a half-lidded gaze on them when they started to work.

The deep and forceful scratches from the brush would definitely be painful for a human; Y/N worries that they might be doing it too roughly, but Eclipse insists that it's just right and maybe work the brush strokes a little harder, pretty please? It would be heaven for the orca siren.

Y/N would get over his long tail and then slowly work up his back to cover all of his black, white, and deep red markings. All the while, they're half-wary of how much he's enjoying it and constantly aware of how he watches them with this content delight. Each time Y/N wonders if he's had enough, he gives this big heavy sigh of relief and asks them to continue a little higher.

Once it's all done and Y/N's arms are heavy and tired, he'd pull them close to give them a dozen thank-you nuzzles and pecks with pleased hums. He'd then cradle them for a while and ponder how to return the wonderful favor (despite their nervous reassurance that there's no need!) He'd settle on working his claws and fingers over their scalp in very gentle scratches and strokes to illicit pleasant shivers and soft comfort for his birdie.

the idea came to me in a migraine induced dream but now im obsessed with the concept of a mu qingfang who knew the abuse bunhe was going through at the hands of og!shen qingqiu/shen jiu and did his best to treat the kid whenever he could (and bring his concerns to zhangmen shixiong, which were obviously very much ignored) and his constant worry over the situation means that when the qi deviation happens he is suspicious of shen qingqiu’s changes for all different reasons and very much protective of luo binghe -who is a sweet child and an earnest disciple who seems to always find the most incredible medicinal herbs to bring to his mu shishu as thanks for the care bestowed upon him- which means that when the whole shen qingqiu dying thing happens instead of bad mouthing luo binghe or fighting him at every chance he does his best to come over and keep an eye on things to try and help him and make sure luo binghe won’t kill himself trying to bring shen qingqiu back because he remembers that earnest kid and he’s witnessed luo binghe’s devotion to this shen qingqiu first hand and knows there is no way that the kid who cried when ning yingying found a bird with a broken wing and begged mu qingfang to fix it and the kid that would always borrow medical texts and try to find new herb combinations as if it was a game between him and qian cao disciples is actually doing anything nefarious to shen qingqiu’s corpse.

anyways in this essay i will-

Morning Rituals

the royjamie withdrawals are becoming severe…

i smoked a little weed yesterday and only took like two baby puffs of the joint. was high off my ass. that’s amazing

The concept of hero being a super powerful chosen one is so funny to me especially if she’s never done anything with her power bc she doesn’t feel like it. Girl just wants to play video games

lmao watching myself gradually take a bunch of traditional religious restrictions and modesty rules people like to decry as anti-feminist/inherently misogynistic and end up independently reinventing them from first principles because they happen to work really well for my specific spiritual practice

Steven Rhodes  

really annoys me that the way to get better with OCD is to expose yourself gradually to triggers and not do your compulsions. kind of gay.

ive been trying it more and more, though. ive started with trying not to do smaller compulsions that dont really matter very much and that are kind of like. not related to an obsession beyond "if i don't do this correctly it will be wrong and i'll feel very uncomfortable." some of these are actually very entrenched, like the idea of fucking up my meaningless ice cube system makes me want to tear my face off. but trying to beat the new stupid compulsion i had where every time i washed my tamagotchi in the tamagotchi mobile game i had to cover its entire body in soap until you couldnt see it was easier.

right now im trying to not freak out about like, the stupid obsession pattern where i worry about not having OCD, bc i was making a frozen pizza and had to do the pepperoni rearranging thing and then thought to myself "this is so stereotypical and i dont even believe anything concrete will happen if i dont do this beyond intolerable discomfort, i clearly dont have OCD for real." and. i have not been super successful with this. i immediately started googling OCD related stuff to prove to myself whether or not i have it. stupiddd fucking disorder

The real reason yugi and kaiba barely had any interactions in the anime actually is bc trying to fit them both in the same shot together requires 10 different levels of composition skill and dark magic fuckery

Yellowjackets: 2x01 Friends, Romans, Countrymen // 2x05 Two Truths and a Lie

Self Care Vibes