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radioisntdead · 17 days

Text

Too sweet

Alastor x gn reader,

Warnings!!

Mild ooc, reader is dessert themed also kinda imagining they have eyes that resemble 1930's animation but that's just me, casual backstory drop in the middle that's just never brought up again, death, pacing is a little off, Alastor is prepared with angelic steel this time! It does not help whatsoever!

Song: Too sweet

It wasn't a secret that Alastor strongly disliked sweet things, it wasn't a complete hatred but he wouldn't willingly eat any, he preferred bitter things.

It can't be said I'm an early bird

You were as sweet as pure sugar, with that oh so charming smile of yours, your big ol' cartoony eyes, eccentric and positive attitude, not to mention you were quite literally dessert themed, Cake themed outfits, frosted purses, phone case adorned with spackled frosting, sprinkles and charms.

It's ten o'clock before I say a word

You were the most recent addition to the hotel, a few of the hotel's residents didn't quite understand how someone as sweet as you could've ended up in hell, it was theorized that maybe it was an act, a honey coated trap that would lead to the hotel demise or something.

Baby, I can never tell

That was thrown out rather quickly when you kept the same sweetheart persona even when alone, it was just how you were.

How do you sleep so well?

It was concerning to a certain few hotel residents when it was discovered that you had a thing for the Radio demon,

The way your eyes would linger on him for a moment too long, the way you would gaze at him love evident in your eyes.

You keep telling me to live right

Husk gave you a warning one night at the bar, you were sipping on a drink that had more sugar then any drink should, he was cleaning up the bar.

"Look kid, Alastor is a bad decision, this won't end well for you."

"I know." You had responded, twirling around that sickly sweet drink of yours

You weren't naive like your personality seemed to make people think, you knew Alastor was a bad idea, bad news, he was a cannibalistic murderer for heaven's sake!

To go to bed before the daylight

But it was alright to have a small crush that you wouldn't act on, it'd pass eventually but for now it wasn't bad to fantasize about dancing with him, cooking together or about doing something unholy like handholding! Nothing would become of it, you didn't have a good history with relationships anyways.

But then you wake up for the sunrise

Charlie was supportive of your little crush, she had found out about it after accidentally overhearing you drunkenly tell Angel Dust about it, that sugary little drink really did a number on you.

She decided she would try to push you and Alastor together, gently, She was such a great wingman!

After all Alastor tolerated you more than anyone else in the hotel so that's a indication that you might have a chance right? A truly slim one but a chance nonetheless!

You know you don't gotta pretend, baby, now and then

When Alastor began enjoying your company a little too much for his liking it was like he, from his prospective had been thrown into a horror movie and trapped with little to no way out.

He enjoyed some of your antics and reactions.

Don't you just wanna wake up, dark as a lake?

You were helpful around the hotel, helping out with advertising, you'd proofread scripts he had written for his radio broadcast, every time you went out for a treat you brought back some type of pastry or snack for the hotel residents, in particular you'd travel all the way to cannibal town to pick up something for Alastor, you didn't have too, but you did.

Smelling like a bonfire, lost in a haze?

As time went on the feelings didn't fade, especially since Charlie heavily suggested that the two of you should work together on hotel related things, and that pinwheeled into the two of you spending more time together, getting closer, and eventually you began to avoid Alastor, you had a tendency to ditch the people you were fond of in a way usually in a cruel fashion, you didn't mean too, truly! But you did and you didn't want to risk it with Alastor for his sake and yours.

If you're drunk on life, babe, I think it's great

You were a known partier back in your day, you died back in the heights of the roaring twenties where you had the money and privileges to go to lavish parties where anyone who was anyone could attend much like the parties Gatsby held in the great Gatsby, you lived what some folks thought the roaring twenties were all about, Flappers, speakeasies, parties and short-lived prosperity.

You were in your twenties, rebellious and reckless, drinking any drink given to you, playing around with people's emotions with those sickly sweet words of yours, taking whatever substance you were given, and a year before the stock market crash, you were found dead on the dancefloor poisoned by a former darling of yours who didn't like that you had left them because things were getting 'too serious' for you.

You didn't handle death well, and in order to keep at least some of your sanity you went to hurling yourself onto the hellish party scene, frequenting speakeasies, trying to keep some sense of what you knew, repeating harmful cycles, but you couldn't do it forever.

And so you gave up the party scene around the mid 40's, burning bridges and leaving behind many scorned people behind.

You were more unstable back then, but you had improved, at least you thought you did taking up the sweet attitude by a couple notches, switching from drinking alcohol each day to drinking sweet smoothies or milkshakes.

You cleaned up your act and you were continuing to keep it clean especially as you checked into the hotel.

No one there knew about your track record and you would like to keep it that way.

But while in this world

The avoidance didn't last long since Alastor cornered you asking why and you blabbered out your feelings in one big ramble.

And that was that.

I think I'll take my whiskey neat

Charlie was ecstatic to learn that you and Alastor had gotten together, Others were concerned particularly Husk, his bets were that either Alastor would end up owning your soul, you'd become just as twisted as Al or you'd end up dead.

None of them would end well for you.

My coffee black and my bed at three

The two of you were opposites, while he took his coffee black and bitter you loaded yours up with milk, sugar and whatever other toppings you wished, when he stayed awake for multiple days in end you snoozed away at night, when he was threatening someone who was messing with the hotel you were trying to defuse the situation with sweet words.

You're too sweet for me

Alastor didn't like sweet things, but he didn't mind you and your sugary sweetness, infact you could say he was growing a little bit of a sweet tooth.

Just the sight of your sweet little smile was enough to cause a slight ache in his heart and that fact that you could be called his now was just wonderful!

You're too sweet for me

He could see himself getting used to all this sweetness, he just needed to make sure no one knew that.

I take my whiskey neat

You smiled, listening intently and sipping on your sweet alcoholic drink while Alastor recounted an encounter he had, a glass of whiskey in his hand whooshing around as he spoke.

My coffee black and my bed at three

It was after a hotel game night mixed with alcohol, the two of you were tired and intoxicated, you were a giggly drunk, laughing at the most mundane things, Alastor was escorting you to your room and much to his surprise it was a challenge as you would stop every few steps to laugh at how the crack in the wall looked like a giraffe or how that stain on the carpet looked like a birthday cake!

You're too sweet for me

By the time he had finally gotten you to your room he was exhausted, you kicked off your shoes leaving them on your floor as you dived into your bed, reveling in the comfortable blankets.

Alastor rolled his eyes as he entered your room leaning down to pick up your discarded shoes to properly put them away in your woredrob, he intended to leave to his own room but you reached out your arms to him making grabby hands, he walked over and leaned in to see what you wanted only for you to suddenly grab him, pulling him down and covering him in the blankets before promptly passing out with your arm wrapped around one of his.

You're too sweet for me

He was going to get up, he truly was but he hadn't slept in hell knows how many days now, and the bed was warm, before he knew it his eyelids were drooped. His shadow thankfully decided to close the door to your room.

I aim low, I aim true and the ground's where I go

The next morning he was greeted by you humming while gently petting his fluffy ears, he wasn't sure you knew he was awake at that point, but he rather liked having his ears petted, at least by you and it wouldn't hurt to savor this moment for just a few more minutes before the two of you would have to deal with the duties that the day held for you.

I work late where I'm free from the phone, and the job gets done

Alastor preferred to have his radio broadcast aired in the morning but sometimes he wouldn't get the chance too, [Maybe he indulged a little too much in his morning time with you]

He would air around eight pm and sometimes you would hang around his tower, doing whatever activity you had brought along until he was done and the two of you would walk back to the hotel, maybe grabbing a bite to eat.

But you worry some, I know

Other nights you would turn on the radio in his room and curl up in a blanket on the leather chair he had, closing your eyes and listening to his oddly soothing voice.

But who wants to live forever, babe?

Alastor didn't particularly believe that heavens gates would accept sinners even if they were redeemed, but nothing is impossible and he, although he doubted it, could be wrong and the Hazbin hotel could be a success in redeeming sinners left and right and you were one of the residents checked in for redemption.

You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate

Alastor moved a piece of your hair away from your face, careful not to disturb your sleeping position on his chair, he could admit to himself that he had gotten attached to you, and he couldn't just have his darling little partner leave him behind to fraternize with the winners above now could he?

The rest of you like you're the TSA

He picked you up from the chair and moved you over to his bed, tucking you in.

If anyone in this damned place could get redeemed it was you.

I wish that I could go along, babe, don't get me wrong

And Alastor, well he wasn't the type to be looking for redemption or redeemed, he was even less of the type to blindly follow someone somewhere even if it was you.

He did wish he could see his mother who obviously was in heaven but that simply just wasn't in the cards for him, it was tragic but he did murder people, he died while burying a body after all!

You know, you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain

Alastor cut into the dead deer he had just sat on his table, he was about to take a bite when he caught a glimpse of you shooting up from his bed looking around in hasty panic before you visibly calmed at the sight of him, with one of your signature surgery sweet smiles that caused swirls in his heart you bid him a good morning.

Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape

Alastor strolled into the hotel after a day of errands, only to see everyone cluttered together looking at something you were holding that he couldn't see, you noticed him and waved him over, grinning as you held the red creature in your arms that looked strikingly like Alastor, you went on a small tangent about how you had found the little guy while taking a stroll around the hotel.

If you can sit in a barrel, maybe I'll wait

In all honesty he wanted to hurl the creature out the window but you were stubborn in saying that the two of you should keep the catlike creature immediately dubbing it as your son much to Alastor's displeasure.

Until that day

He and the little creature begun a little rivalry, whenever he had his arm around you that thing would try and headbutt it off.

On the plus side you had taken to dressing the little one up in ridiculous little outfits, usually to match you or Alastor, from dessert themed outfits to Alastor's signature suit.

The creature did not like being dressed the majority of the time as the little thing felt it was taken less seriously thanks to the outfits.

It was right, when the little one would strut around the hotel he was usually awe'd over by Charlie and Sir Pentious.

I'd rather take my whiskey neat

Time flew by as extermination day drew closer, preparing became the focus in the hotel, coating weapons in angelic steel, in particular you had a axe that you covered with dessert themed charms finding it funny, because imagine getting taken out with a dessert themed axe of all things!

My coffee black and my bed at three

You had just barely convinced Alastor to prepare to use an angelic weapon, borderline begging him to do so, you didn't know what you'd do if he got taken out or injured because he was too prideful and foolish to use angelic steel in some way.

You're too sweet for me

He just couldn't say no to you when you looked at him with those cartoonish eyes that reminded him of 1930's animation and surgery sweet smile!

You're too sweet for me

It was the night before extermination, everyone was ready, living this night as if they were going to die tomorrow, which they probably will but they had something to fight for! You indulged on the classic surgery sweet drink that you always got, sipping on it as Niffty declared Alastor king roach leading to you chuckling.

I take my whiskey neat

It was the time where everyone retired, laying in bed you gently brushed a hand through his awful haircut, the two of you chatted about what could happen tomorrow and what the two of you would do afterwards because obviously the two of you didn't intend on dying.

You let out a yawn, deciding to call it a night you gave Alastor a light peck before laying your head on your pillow.

My coffee black and my bed at three

Alastor channeled his inner Edward Cullen and watched you sleep, blanket curled around you, that little creature was snoozing by you, dressed in a onesie that you had obviously put on him.

He didn't say it often, or at all honesty but he adored you, the only sweet thing he would willingly indulge in.

He would do anything to protect you, you would survive the extermination, he would make sure of it.

You're too sweet for me

He, infact did not make sure of it.

It was during his little encounter with Adam, the first man had gone to attack him but you had ran in, taking the hit for Alastor.

Resulting in a large gash in your stomach, blood pooled around you as Alastor got a few hits on Adam before turning to you, clutching your body as shadows overtook the two of you, taking you to his radio tower.

You're too sweet for me

Alastor scrambled, his usual composed self gone as you were actively bleeding out, he tried to stop the bleeding but you had already lost too much.

I take my whiskey neat

He held you as he demanded to know why the hell you would jump Infront of him.

You simply smiled, lifting your hand to touch his face, you said three simple words that would be your last, the last thing you saw was Alastor's strained smile.

My coffee black and my bed at three

Husk was right, it would end one of three ways, either Alastor ended up with your soul, you became just as twisted or you died.

And many died that day, the hazbin hotel lost two of its residents, Sir Pentious and you.

Sir Pentious had died for his friends and you had died for the person you loved, sacrifices that landed the two of you into heaven.

You're too sweet for me

Alastor sat in his newly built radio tower, that damned creature that you had brought by his side.

He had managed to survive the hotel collapsing, good for him, unfortunately the person that brought him there didn't survive, and now he was stuck with Alastor, but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing anymore.

You're too sweet for me

Alastor despised sweet things, they were filled with sickly sweet sugar that would leave cavities behind in it's wake, even after being brushed away it would still leave some damage like you did, you left him like you had left others before only this time it was unwillingly, you were the sweetest thing he'd ever known, he made a unfortunately decision to get attached to you and now he paid the consequences, he would be unintentionally haunted by you, reminded of you every time he saw the portrait they hung of you in the hotel along with Sir Pentious or even with the cat that looked like him.

He wouldn't be making the mistake of falling for someone again that was for sure.

It's not like he could if he wanted to anyways.

Good evening folks! I hope you enjoyed this! I wrote it all in one day, I didn't write it because I got tired but the reader is totally fighting people to go back to Alastor, just "I JUST DIED AFTER TELLING HIM I LOVED HIM, THAT IS TRAUMATIZING"

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #alastor x reader #alastor x you #hazbin alastor x you #hazbin alastor x reader

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seospicybin · 10 months

Text

ON TOUR.

FINAL PART: ENCORE.

Hyunjin x reader x Felix. (s,f,a)

Chapters: I. SOUNDCHECK / II. OPENING ACT / III. UNPLUGGED / IV. HIDDEN TRACK

Synopsis: Your best friend, Felix, is in a rock band and he takes you to join him on tour as the band’s photographer. On the road, you learn how to deal with his bandmate, Hyunjin, who’s not very welcoming of you. (15,4k words)

Author's note: So sorry for the delay and thank you for liking On Tour! It's been fun you guys, see you on next tour :)

Click here for ON TOUR playlist.

Content warning: A tad bit of angst?

It was a pleasant Sunday afternoon when Felix visited Hyunjin's apartment.

The band only started writing music together, for a few months to be exact. That day's rehearsal was canceled because Han couldn't come, he was sick with a cold even though it was spring, and the weather had been nothing but warm.

Felix spent so much time looking around his place, getting to know his personality through the things he has in his apartment, the pile of books on the coffee table, his record collections, the photos stuck to the door of the fridge, the notebook he kept close to him everywhere he goes that he saw was sitting on the bedside table.

No matter how much he wanted to know what Hyunjin wrote in it, Felix resisted the urge to take a look at it, at least not without Hyunjin's permission.

Hyunjin made him a cup of coffee with a lot of sugar for him, knowing that he is not a fan of the bitter taste of coffee.

Then Hyunjin sat on the single sofa across from him, playing with his guitar and plugging it into the amp, setting the volume low.

"My neighbor has a toddler," Hyunjin shortly explained.

Felix only responded with a nod and took a sip of coffee that still tasted a bit bitter for him but he drank it anyway.

When Hyunjin began playing his guitar, Felix leaned back on the couch and listened to the combination of chords that makes such melodic tunes filling the space.

It was always a mesmerizing thing to see Hyunjin plays guitar, Felix intently listened to the strings buzzing as the metal vibrates underneath his fingers.

Felix knew that he admires Hyunjin, that was what he could easily conclude from what he felt inside him as he sat there across from him.

As softly gust of spring breeze came slipping through the crack of the window that Hyunjin left open, he recognized something else deep down his chest and that amplifies the longer Felix watched Hyunjin plays guitar.

It was when Felix accidentally fell asleep on his couch he knew what it is. He felt comfortable and safe.

When Hyunjin brought him a blanket, Felix pulled it to cover up his face and there, he felt it.

Felix loves Hyunjin.

He would say it but saying it out loud is hard, so hard that he decided not to say anything at all.

Felix thought that once he left his place, the feeling would stay there, not following him, haunting him to this day.

But saying it out loud? No.

Words are futile devices.

The after-party is canceled.

Everyone stays in their room until the night ends and it's time to go back home. Felix doesn't mean to make things uncomfortable for everyone, especially those who have no involvement whatsoever in it.

Felix comes to your room, knocking on the door when he's still not sure what to say and do. He even doubts you'll open the door for him.

"I'm sorry," Lou says the first thing he opens the door for him.

He licks his lips before continues speaking, "She left last night."

What makes him think that you would stay after what happened? He feels something stirring inside and making a way out of him.

"But you don't have to worry. I drove her to the airport myself," Lou assures him knowing that Felix might have worried about him.

Felix looks down and turns away, saying nothing else but learn that you left him again, this time, you didn't even say goodbye to him.

Isn't this punishment enough for him?

Hyunjin avoids looking him in the eyes as he enters the plane and sits at the far back, away from him.

Felix is once again surrounded by silence and it makes him lonely, it makes him hear the sound of his heart breaking into a million pieces.

Felix not only has lost his chance at love but also his friendship. He loses both his love and happiness.

A WEEK LATER.

Here you are, back at your small apartment and to your ordinary life.

You've been staying at your mom's for a few days and wanted to get away from things while mopping about how you hurt not one, but two people's hearts at once.

You hate yourself for that. You will never, ever be able to forgive yourself for that.

But how long will you stay like this? Not doing anything, refusing to move on from things.

You've been staring at your suitcases, too afraid to unpack things that would bring back many memories that you're not ready to recall.

But God! It's been days and you still owe Vin some photos, a lawsuit is probably on its way to your mailbox for contract violation.

For the sake of professionalism, you grab two canned beers from the fridge and sit on the floor. With a deep, deep breath, you slowly unzip your suitcase and open it.

It certainly unlocked a lot of things, not just memories but also the musty smell of the dirty laundry you keep inside a bag.

You hurl the bag of dirty laundry to the corner of the room and start to unpack more things, mementos you took from every stop of the tour. They're all random things, from postcards, fridge magnets, keychains, then all of the passes and wristbands you keep from the concerts and festivals.

You put them together into one Ziploc bag for you to figure out what to do with them later and unpack more things out of the suitcase.

Once you do it, it isn't that hard, it's like taking the bandaid off in one go. It hurts but it's relieving.

Now that everything is back in its place, you move on to the next thing which is your camera bag. Unpacking it while waiting for your laptop to load. You take out everything and carefully lay the camera and lenses on the table, ready to see the accumulated dirt at the bottom of it.

You find a lot of memory cards as you turn the bag upside down and put them in the tray along with the others to check what's the content. You found another thing, a piece of solid plastic with the name Ssick written on it, you believe it's a guitar pick.

How did it get there? You can't recall but it certainly reminds you of someone.

Your heart aches even though no one is saying his name but deep down you're addressing him as his face flashes in the back of your head.

And you miss him, a lot.

You drop the guitar pick on the little tray where you keep all of your memory cards and resist the urge to break down once again, no, you have to do things and keep moving.

Also, you have to stop a lawsuit from happening.

You start by opening your emails and found several of them asking for photos in urgency. It's such a sore thing to see but the only way now is through.

Gritting your teeth, you start working through the night and are glad that it helps take your mind off of things, by the time you're done, you're too tired to even think.

In other words, you get to sleep without crying tonight.

It takes everything in you to get out of the apartment and it's not like everyone going to know what you've done, right? You're not Yoko Ono.

You can do the laundry at home but you choose to do it at the laundromat. Opening the lid to one of the washing machines, you dump everything from the laundry bag inside, not having any energy left to sort it first.

After making sure it's working just fine, you get yourself a cup of coffee from the vending machine, then sit on the bench with headphones on.

You bring your laptop with you to check if you get new work emails or if the lawsuit goes to your spam folder. Who knows?

To find something to do, you sort out your work folders and named them based on the stop of the tour. There's a separate folder that you know why it's there.

The song that is playing through your headphones seems to sense that you yearn for someone's presence. Your finger clicked open the folder without you intending to, inside of it is something you promised to make and gift to someone.

You scroll down and see all the memories frozen in pictures, reminiscing the times you took them with or without him knowing.

These photos represent how he looked through your eyes, cool and poised, but underneath that exterior, he's kind and lovely, you feel warm whenever you see his smile. He's the sunshine that brightens your day. He's your best friend and you love him.

You miss him, terribly.

"How I wish, how I wish you were here..."

It's unfortunate that you and he have to go through this thing again. First, it was the distance but time has brought you back together and now, you're not sure that you'll be able to be a good friend to him anymore.

You lied, you betrayed him, you said something that you shouldn't have because it wasn't your place to tell, you broke not just his heart but also the friendship.

You can't bear to see that he will not be in your life anymore, but deep down you're undeserved of being a friend to him.

There's a lump growing in your throat the more you think about him but God, you wish he was here.

"Wish you were here..."

THREE WEEKS LATER

It should be good news that the band is having an encore show next month.

There should be cheering sounds and happy smiles and flooding the room with enthusiasm, this means the fans want the band back and to have another show.

Instead of all that, the room remains quiet, no one says anything but nods, to let everyone in the room knows that they heard.

Felix would be excited if only his head wasn't all over the place, his heart wasn't in smithereens and he could tell someone all about it but that someone never picked up his calls.

Felix never meant to mix his personal affair with work but unfortunately, his bandmate is involved in it too. He doesn't mean for things to go this way.

When he glances at Han, he too, doesn't look as enthusiastic. He probably if he wasn't in the middle of his two bandmates who hasn't spoken to each other for weeks.

It frustrates him too.

There are so many things left unsaid, but he can't say things without being mistaken or misunderstood. For this once, Felix wishes that Hyunjin could read his mind so he knows that he's just as hurt, just as sad, just as... confused about himself.

As the band manager dismissed the short and unmeaningful meeting, Hyunjin who didn't even glance his way once, rushes to get out of the room.

The first thought that crosses Felix's head is does Hyunjin hates him that much? That much that he can't stay in the same room with for too long?

Han appears behind him and gently squeezes Felix's shoulder, "just give him time," he says.

Time.

They said time heals, then why Felix is suffering? Why do things remain broken?

Time is not the only thing Felix has given him, he's given him space and distance and silence. All he needed to know is how long he and Hyunjin have to continue living like this.

Whenever he sees him, Hyunjin doesn't try to catch his eyes like he usually does, doesn't even register a smile.

The man who once knew him now feels like Hyunjin sees through him.

Felix admits that he was wrong to think of him as more than just a friend but oh... the feeling.

And It's sad that after all they had, they act like they had never met, but Felix can't just turn his feelings off like a light switch.

The heart might be part of the human body, but somehow it's always out of our control.

Felix comes down from the meeting room a while after everyone has left for their respective activities. He doesn't have anything much to do today but to check on his wrist for he had accidentally sprained it once during the tour.

When he arrives at the lobby of the agency, he's surprised to see Lou there. His bleached blond hair turn dark and longer now and he smiles when he sees him.

"I thought you left already," Lou says.

Felix comes up to him as he sits on the square sofa, "what are you doing here?"

"Why? I can't come to visit the agency?"

Felix shyly laughs, he only realized then that his question sounded so unwelcoming when the truth is he was just slightly taken aback.

Lou is a friend of Han and always seems to linger by his side, to see him waiting for him piqued his curiosity as to why?

"Sorry, I mean, Han has left for the studio," Felix stammers.

Lou chuckles in response, "I know," he shortly replies.

"I waited for you because I have something for you," he says, grabbing a paper bag sitting next to him.

Something for him? First, he waited for him and now he's about to give him something. Felix takes the paper bag from him, "are you sure it's for me?"

He nods, "hate to tell you that it isn't from me."

Felix glances up after taking a little peek inside the bag, "Oh?" His voice curls into a little disappointment.

"Are you that sad that it's not from me?" Lou asks between his chuckles.

Felix shakes his head, "No, I mean..." he gets embarrassed that he doesn't know what to say.

"I'm just the messenger," Lou says with that nonchalant shrug of his.

Felix can't know for sure what's inside because he only sees a big gift box and nothing else. He can't wait to take it home and find out.

But before that, he looks at Lou and it's the first time he feels good seeing someone in a while, one that doesn't get affected by what happened, one who treats him just the same.

"Thank you," Felix sincerely mutters his gratitude.

"No problem," he replies.

Lou picks up his bag from the floor and slings the strap across his shoulder, "You have to thank the real sender," he adds.

Listening to what Lou said, Felix is getting more curious about the person who sent him this.

"Are you going to the studio?" He asks, somehow feeling a little sad that the meeting was short.

"No," Lou answers, "I'm helping a friend with his gallery opening."

"Oh?" Felix lowly exclaims in both awe and surprise.

It baffles him that he knew Lou for two years now but knows so little about him. He heard only a few things about Lou from you, that he can skate, he can DJ, he plays ice hockey, he once helped you trim your hair on tour and so much more.

Felix heard so many good things about Lou yet he only reached to him when he needed help to do something, never once properly treated him like a friend.

However, it's never too late to start.

"Thank you, Lou!" Felix says with utmost sincerity.

Lou softly smiles like he always does and Felix wishes that it will forever stay like that, never changing.

Perhaps, Lou can see in Felix's eyes that he is thanking him for him, then with an open heart, accepts his gratitude.

"See you later?" Lou asks.

Felix smiles at him, "See you later!"

It's right in front of him.

Felix takes the gift box out of the paper bag the first thing he got to his apartment, put it on the table in front of him, and stares at it for a minute.

It's unclear what he expects to happen by staring at it.

Deep down, Felix can tell who it is from and he hesitates to open it because he knows he'll be hit by a wave of emotions that, once again, he has no power to control.

Taking a deep breath, Felix lifts the lid and looks inside.

There's a Polaroid camera and boxes of films to fill it. He puts them aside on the table, then pulls out something from the bottom of the box.

He tears through the brown wrapper, revealing a photo album inside. It must be the special gift you promised him.

He's not prepared for it but at the same time, can't wait to discover what lies inside. Flipping the album open, he reads the words written on the first page.

"Our adventure."

It says and he recognized that handwriting and that little curl at the end of every letter resembles the curl of your smile.

Felix flips to the next page and sees the photos of you and him, from your shared teen years. His fingers trail the glossy surface of the photo and wishes that he can feel your warm smile under his fingertips.

He swears he almost heard the sound of your laugh when his finger hovers to the other photo where the two of you are laughing together.

Every time Felix recalls the memory each photo holds, his heart aches for he longed for the times when everything was much simpler, much easier, and happier with you.

Then he comes to a different part, it says.

"My adventure."

For this part, the pages are of your photos from when you were studying abroad, doing various things from cooking to going on a hike, mostly of beautiful places you visit and food you ate.

He guesses that you want to share it with him, all these pretty sceneries with its pretty skies. You're filling in the part when you were absent in his life.

Instead of being sad that he wasn't in this part of your life, he's grateful to know that you were happy and didn't stop yourself from living in the moment.

Simply put, he'll always be happy as long as you're happy. He turns to the next part and finds another piece of writing.

"Our adventure."

You add a little scribble under the words and wrote, "Part 2!"

These are the photos you took during the tour, most of them were goofy ones. There's a photo of him sleeping, eating a cup of noodles, napping with his hands under his chin, of his messy bedhead and so much more snapshots you took without him knowing.

Also, more photos of you together, having slurpees and snacks at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. He misses these little things he did with you, the random conversation talked in between sips and laughs in between words.

Even the most ordinary things feel special when he does it with you.

He opens to the next part of the album that says.

"Your adventure."

As he turns the page, they're all blank, then he realizes why it was sent with a camera. It's useless now that he has no idea what to do with it.

The only adventure he wants to do is with you.

It's strange to have a lot of space.

You're so used to living in a small apartment, everything is within reach and you can see everything in one frame.

But now, after moving into a new apartment and it's much bigger than the previous one, you feel a little desolate.

Isn't it a dream to finally have a studio of your own?

It's not big but it's enough, you can pin all of your favorite photographs on one side of the wall and stare at it as much as you want.

You do most things on the first floor because that's where everything is, the kitchen, the bathroom, and the living room blurred into one with the studio. The second floor is strictly private, it's your bedroom and it has ceiling-to-floor windows which is your favorite part of your new apartment.

Another good news is you're booked now, not as in you're fully booked until the end of the year but you received a job offer from here and there.

Today, you got to do a photo shoot with a band for a music magazine. Well, they're not Ssick and not as big, but you heard of their name, not sure when or where, but it's a familiar one.

As you try to recall when was the first time you heard the band's name, you heard footsteps coming from behind you. You haven't had time to meet any of your neighbors, so you turn on your feet to greet them and perhaps, get to introduce yourself to them.

"Hi, hello, I'm your new—"

Your mouth stays open but words stop coming out of it. The one you're seeing is not your neighbor, that you know for sure.

Felix is standing there, exactly like that night when the two of you met again after years.

"Hey," he says.

It takes everything in you not to cry right there, you're happy and sad at the same time but on top of all that, it makes you ask yourself how did you break his heart like that?

You push the lump growing in your throat down and manage to put on a smile for him.

"Hey," you say back even though that isn't supposed to be the first word you should say to him.

It should be "I'm sorry", "I can't apologize enough", or "Please forgive me" and you have the chance to say that but it's not easy.

Instead of that, you ask, "Want to come in?"

He sheepishly smiles and says, "Yes, please!"

Felix comes at a bad time.

Not only that your apartment is still a mess, you haven't bought groceries yet. What you have in your fridge right now are bottles of water and some leftover dinner from last night.

"It's a nice place," Felix's deep voice echoing that it startles you.

You turn around and smile, "Yeah, I think so too," you respond and aware of how stupid that sounded.

Coffee is not an option since Felix doesn't like it that much, you turn to look inside the kitchen cabinet and find a box of teabags, "tea?" You hastily offer.

"Sounds nice," he says.

The two of you are sitting on the same sofa not saying anything but watching the curl of the steam coming from the two mugs of hot tea on the coffee table.

Weeks without speaking to each other and now it feels like the two of you are ex-lovers who have gone through a nasty break-up.

Oh well, it's close to something like that.

"I guess you knew from my mom?" You decide to be the first to shatter the dead air hanging between you and him.

"Your new apartment?"

You nod.

"Well, I asked my mom to ask your mom and..." he stops explaining, then chuckles.

"I know," you say.

Before the silence resides once again, you think of something else to ask him, "So, how are you doing?"

It's natural for him to always seek closeness, and intimacy when he's talking to you that you find him slowly closing the space between you and him.

"Good," he shortly replies.

You slightly turn your body to face him but look anywhere else but his eyes, "I saw that you guys are having an encore show," you say.

"Yes," he sighs like it's a piece of bad news.

You reach for your tea but pause as Felix asks you the same thing, "How are you doing?"

You hook your fingers around the handle of the mug, "I'm okay," you answer with an easy smile.

Felix glances at your studio and stares at the photos stuck to the wall, "must be exciting moving into a new apartment!"

You bravely glance his way for a second to see his impressed smile then look away before he notices.

"I saw the ad you did," he says, calmly feeling the upholstery of the sofa and aimlessly drawing lazy circles on it.

"They're amazing. Guess you're fully booked now, huh?" he teases with a low chuckle.

One thing about Felix is he always talks with utmost sincerity, everything that comes out of his mouth contained warmth and purity, and he talks with all of his heart.

Which only reminds you what kind of person you are for breaking that heart. You wrap your hand around the mug and absorb the heat with your palm, it burns but it's nothing compared to what you've been through.

"Actually, Felix..."

He turns his head at you, "Yeah?"

You stare down at your lap for a while before continuing to speak, "I'm not okay at all."

Tears start to pool in your eyes because that's what happens when you start speaking your heart out.

"I feel horrible," your voice begins to quiver as tears roll down your face, "I feel horrible for what I am, of what have I become."

You press your eyes with the heels of your hands to stop the tears despite knowing that it's useless, "I hate myself for what I did, for being a horrible friend to you, for telling things I don't even have the rights to tell, for—"

You're unable to finish your sentence as tears caught in your throat.

It's natural for him to always answer your distress call. He quickly grabs your hand to provide comfort.

"So, no, I'm not okay at all. I broke your heart, I broke our friendship, I broke us," your hands flew to cover your face as your cries turn into sobbing.

Felix doesn't say anything but holds you, holds you so tight as if he's trying to assure you that he's right there with you, despite what you've just said to him.

"I'm sorry," you sob into his chest as your body shakes in his embrace.

Felix suddenly pulls away and holds you by the shoulders. Then you see that his eyes are red and teary, he's crying too.

"Did you really think I was mad at you over someone?"

You can't answer with you keep constantly hiccuping from holding your sobs in.

"I'm indeed mad," he says.

Your eyes are blurry with tears but you can see that Felix is crestfallen, not mad.

"I am mad because years ago you didn't tell me that you were going to study abroad and you left just like that when you promised that we'd be staying together," he explains.

He takes a deep breath to continue talking, "And you did it again!"

You can sense the anger and the disappointment in his voice despite he was trying to fight the tears from falling down his face.

"You broke your promise, you left me again and you didn't even say goodbye to me this time."

Felix looks away for a moment to not lose it to his emotions, to calm himself down. He breathes through his mouth and turns to look at you again, "I'm also mad because I couldn't be a better friend for you—"

You stop him from talking by grabbing a fistful of his shirt and shaking your head, "No, no, it's not you, it's me."

He pulls you close and lets your head falls onto his shoulder, resting his hand on the back of your head, he puts his head on top of yours.

Sorry wouldn't be enough to make up for what you did but then again, you have nothing else to say but sorry.

"I'm sorry," you can barely finish your words without crying. Your hand clutching at the front of his top already soaked with your tears.

He hastily kisses the top of your head and keeps his head close to you, "You are my best friend. I love you more than..." he pauses.

Taking a deep breath, Felix can finally continue speaking, "I rather lose my chance at love than lose you."

Even after all that happened, he still chooses you who lied, was disloyal, and broke his heart. Not to mention, you did it twice yet he still welcomed you with an open heart, letting you in and willingly putting his heart at risk once more.

People would call him a fool for that but for you, that's just Felix.

He's beautiful and kind and has a big, big heart that even if you broke it, his heart still overflows with love and making you ask yourself is it okay to receive it this much from him?

There's one thing you can do now, try to return it to him with the same amount even though you know he'll always have more for you.

The two of you stay like that, pouring out all of your hearts and bleeding together, consoling and seeking comfort from each other, letting the bad out so you both have room for something new and hopefully, better things.

The two of you have always been criers so it's no surprise that it takes an hour for you to finally calm down. You both laughed seeing each other's face from crying, swollen eyes, and runny nose.

The teas are cold by the time you reach for it to have a sip, "don't drink it. It's terrible," you tell him.

Felix looks at his tea and cringe, "I don't even drink tea," he says.

"I know."

"Then why did you?" He asks with an annoyed glare.

You chuckle and put down your mug again to grab more tissues to blow your nose.

"Want to go and grab some meals?"

"Looking like this?" He asks in disbelief, pointing at his swollen face from crying.

You laugh again and take the mugs back to the kitchen, putting them in the sink.

"Well, there's always drive-thru," you simply resolve with a smile.

When you thought Felix is ordering that much food for both of you, he sits back down in his seat and asks you, "What do you want?"

You got into a little fight because you insist on paying this time and once you got your order, you parked the car in the empty part of the parking lot, facing the busy main street.

It's not an ideal place to eat and talk about things in between, catching up on all the lost time and enlightening him about some misunderstandings.

"I didn't mean to not tell you about studying abroad because I did, I just..." you pause to sip your soda through a straw.

You recall how you decided not to tell him that you were going to leave him to study something that he didn't even know you have a passion for.

"You were always so excited about music and how you wanted to do it with me," you continue.

You turn to look at him in the dark of the car with the only source of light coming from the streetlight, "I didn't want to ruin that for you."

Felix puts down the piece of fry he's holding and sighs, "I understand," he says.

He wipes his hand with a napkin, "I was mad and heartbroken but now, after hearing that, I'm glad that you took it, glad that I didn't force you to stay," he sincerely says.

It's a relief that Felix finally knows the truth and that it was just a misunderstanding, but there's another thing that he should know.

"You know I got homesick all the time," you confess.

Felix drinks his soda by gulping it instead of using a straw.

"And it wasn't a place or a thing, or... the food," you gleefully chuckle.

"It was you. I missed you when I was away."

There's a crease formed a questioning expression on his face, "Only when you were away?"

You break into laughter and nod, "yeah, only when we're far away from each other," you confirm.

Felix takes a moment to process this newfound fact then nods, "Okay, I can accept that."

The food wrappers mount in the front seat of the car and you shove everything into the plastic bag while Felix is connecting his phone to the car stereo so he can play some music.

You hand him his cup of ice cream then you pick up your own, opening the lid to dig into it with a spoon. Maybe it's because both of you are full and both staring out at the windshield, the silence taking over the space but it's the comfortable kind.

It creates this safe space where Felix finally found the comfort to speak his heart out. He puts down his cup and sighs as he reclines in his seat.

"I wasn't even sure it is love," he begins.

You keep eating the melted ice cream in silence while intently listening to him.

"I just thought that I only admire him because he's so cool, you know?" He says with a foolish smile.

You nod in agreement and that's not because you're biased, it's a widely known and proven fact.

"So I allow myself to admire him more, getting to know him more and he let me."

Felix stares up at the car ceiling, not sure what he's seeing at it then continues talking, "But he makes me feel seen, he always acknowledging my presence, he's so involved in my life that the next thing I know, I'm in it. I'm in love."

He closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh. Those words are louder than the music playing in the car, he lets those words hang in the air and echo in the small space, in the hope that it will help him find the answer.

Felix gets nothing but the quiet of the night with the constant buzzing of the streetlight looming over the car.

"I know I couldn't just tell him that and he'd reciprocate it," he says with a snide laugh.

"So I hold it in because it's better to not say it than risk losing everything by saying it out loud," his voice turns lower the more he speaks.

He then turns his head and looks at you, "I couldn't tell you because..." he stops in the middle of the sentence and you can't tell if he's running out of breath or losing his thoughts.

He looks away then shakes his head, "I honestly don't know. I just feel like..."

He stops again and he closes his eyes as if what he's going to say next pains him.

"I fear that you would change around me," he mutters.

You feel something dropping onto your lap and only realized it then that you're crying. Somehow you're not mad about his decision to not tell you about it, it's normal for him to be scared to open up a part of himself and the judgments he'll get from it.

Rather than being mad, you feel bad for not being there for him when he needs you the most.

"You know I love you," you tell him with your tears rolling down your cheeks.

You gently put your hand on his and hold it, "I love you no matter what," you assure him while staring into his glassy eyes.

Felix sniffles as he fights the urge to cry and puts his other hand on you.

"That's not the only thing that makes you, Felix. I've known you for years and you better believe me when I tell you that you're of so many things," you tell him.

You swallow air to not let your cry get in the way while you're talking, "You're of so many lovely things. You are beautiful and kind, you're a good person, you have a good heart, you never think ill of anyone, you're thoughtful and passionate about what you do, you—"

You squeeze his hand to emphasize the words you're going to say to him, "you deserve everything and more."

Felix retracts his hand to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand and takes a deep breath. He looks at you with a sad smile on his face, "Thank you," he says with a hoarse voice.

"You are very welcome," you tell him.

You grab the clean napkins from your lap and hand them to him, taking one for you too.

"Oh, great! We're crying again!" You complain while dabbing your teary eyes with it.

Felix laughs as he also wipes his cheeks with the napkin, laughing at each other's faces again for the second time that day.

It reminds you of that song and how the two of you fit in those lyrics: "We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here."

There's no need to wish now because he's right here.

Always being the good friend he is, Felix refuses your offer to drive him home.

You walk out of the apartment building together to get a taxi for him. The night is getting cold as it's the beginning of fall.

"I'll send you tickets for our encore shows," he says with a jeering smile.

"No, thanks, I'll buy it myself like anyone else," you kindly refuse.

He covers your mouth with his hand and shakes his head no, "I'll send you tickets for both days so you have no excuse to not come to at least one of them," he insists.

Since you can't say anything with his hand over your mouth, you give in with an annoyed glare.

Felix triumphantly smiles and puts his hand down, he stares at you, he has that look when he hesitates to ask something.

"What is it?"

He licks his lips before speaking, "Have you two talked?"

Your smile wavers even though you have expected this question, "Felix, I don't think I—"

"Why? Are you afraid that I'll be jealous?"

You take a step back but he closes the space again, "or are you afraid that he'll choose me?" He jokingly asks.

He puts his hand on your shoulder and gently squeezes at it, "it takes no genius to know that he likes you very much," he says.

"Do you like him too? That I don't know."

You scoff and look down at your feet, not sure if you're avoiding Felix and his questions or anything related to Hyunjin altogether.

"But like you said, we've known each other for years and I know you like him back," he concludes that you know is true and there's no use to deny it, Felix would know when you're lying.

"And..." he cups your face with both hands and makes you look at him, "I'm not getting in the way of my friends' happiness."

He leans in close enough that you can feel the warmth of his breath on your face, "I'm happy if you're happy, remember?"

There's no way that there's another Felix in this world, he's special, one of a kind and you're lucky that he's your best friend.

"No, it's just... not going to work. He's..." you try to avoid saying his name but it comes to a moment where you can't describe him in another way.

"Hyunjin..." and saying his name unlocks the memories and the emotions that come with it.

You take Felix's hands and put them down, "And I am just... me."

Not giving up yet, he holds your hands and warmly smiles at you, "and you're of so many things. You're smart, you're funny, you're a great photographer, you're beautiful, you're a great friend, a great person."

You can't help but smile when he compliments you the same way you did to him.

"And you deserve to be happy," he adds in the end.

You so badly want to believe that but having your friendship back is already more than you deserve, how come you still want more?

You shake your head and refuse to be greedy, shaking your head to convince yourself that this is not what you want. You already have what you want and he's right in front of you, "Felix, I don't want to—"

The only hard thing to do is say no to Felix, you look away and see a taxi coming your way.

"There's a taxi," You run to the side of the street while hailing for it.

Felix sighs knowing that you choose to leave the conversation instead of going through it with him. He walks over as you open the taxi door for him.

"I take it that you're promised to come to our shows," he says, not accepting any other answer from you.

You nod and smile.

He pulls you into a hug and holds you tightly, "thank you for tonight," he murmurs.

You hug him back and absorb the heat of his body that always puts you in comfort, "thank you for tonight," you murmur back.

He pulls away just enough to look at you, smiling so brightly to finally land a kiss on your cheek, "I'll see you soon!"

"See you soon," you repeat and to surprise him, kiss him back on the cheek.

He gets taken aback for a while and blinks his eyes at you. While holding his cheek he says, "I like that," he innocently says.

You laugh and push him into the backseat of the taxi, "Goodnight! Be careful!"

Felix rolls down the window to wave his hand at you, "It's cold! Get inside!"

You give him the thumb up while taking a few steps back to watch his taxi drives further away from you.

As you're making your way back inside, you convince yourself that this is enough. You got your friendship back therefore you shouldn't be thinking that you can have love too.

It's time for Felix to fix the other friendship.

He knows it would be just as hard but it's for the good of both his friendship and the band. They can't continue to treat each other like this but at the same time think as if nothing happened.

Before the band rehearsal starts, he comes up to Hyunjin as he's tuning his guitar inside the studio. He gulps air and gathers his guts to ask him, "Hey, can we talk?"

Hyunjin glances up to see him and he seems to have expected this, he puts his guitar away, then says, "Alright."

Han puts his bass down as he notices that they need privacy so he leaves the studio, then closes the door behind him.

It's a good thing that they're talking in a soundproofed room, Felix can easily talk without fearing that someone could hear them. But when it comes to talking, he doesn't know where to begin.

"You know everything by now," Felix nervously starts.

He wipes his palms down his jeans even though they're not sweaty, "I always have my eyes on you but obviously, now, you have your eyes on someone else," he awkwardly chuckles.

It's making him nervous as Hyunjin remains quiet, he would be grateful if Hyunjin is yelling at him instead of staying silent.

"I'm sorry," Felix hurriedly concludes before he starts aimlessly rambling on and on.

"I didn't mean for you to find out about this. I was going to keep it all in—"

"For how long?" Hyunjin cuts through his words with eyes intensely staring at him.

"W-what do you mean?" Felix stutters as it's the first time Hyunjin snapped at him like this.

Hyunjin gets up from his chair and stands right in front of him, face to face and giving him no way out but going through it with him.

"How long did you plan to keep it a secret?" He asks again.

Felix takes a step back and reorganizes his breathing.

"Why do you like me?" Hyunjin bluntly asks.

It's getting harder for Felix to breathe he feels like his lungs are collapsing, "I didn't mean to. I-I..."

Felix doesn't know how to explain it. One day he came to the realization that he has feelings for Hyunjin.

"It just happened. I don't know," he explains. He's just as clueless as Hyunjin about everything.

"Why, Felix? Why?"

"I don't know," Felix replies with a desperate sigh.

"Why—"

"I said I don't know," this time Felix cuts him off with an aggressive answer.

Hyunjin searches for his eyes and forces him to look back at him, "Why did you apologize?"

Felix sees that Hyunjin's gaze softens and he's no longer mad, he's rather sad, it's a heartbreaking sight to see.

Hyunjin licks his lips and brushes his hair to the back, "you have feelings for me but I know it can't be helped," he says.

He puts his hand on Felix's shoulder and looks deeper into his eyes, "I should be the one apologizing to you."

Felix has everything planned in his hand but this is not part of that, he got speechless the table is turned.

"For being such an asshole, for being insensitive and a lousy friend," he softly speaks while keeps looking into Felix's eyes.

Hyunjin puts his other hand on Felix's shoulder and lets out a long, shaky air. It seems like he's struggling to let out what he's going to say next.

"Felix, I appreciate you so much because I know that I'll never find another one like you and I would give you everything you wanted in the world," he explains.

He drops his head for a second before looking at his face again with an even sadder expression on his face, "That I am I deeply apologize for," his eyes are heavy with sadness that it's tugging Felix's heart and weighing him down.

"I cannot give you what you want," he says with a defeated sigh.

The lump in Felix's throat feels like a hot coal that burns him from the inside the longer he keeps himself from crying and so far he's been doing a great job at it.

"But will you stay beside me even though I can't give you what you want?" Hyunjin asks.

Felix knows that Hyunjin is not just asking. This question determines everything, this is where their path branches out and they have to choose where to go.

It means that Felix has to deal with the fact that Hyunjin can't accept his love and it's not like he has a chance in the first place.

Felix clears his throat before giving his final answer, "To always have you beside me is enough for me," he puts on a smile at the end of the sentence.

A smile finally rises on Hyunjin's face after a long time and it warms his heart to see it. He pulls Felix into a hug and pats his back as he eases into his arms, "thank you," he murmurs.

"Thank you," Felix says back and he can't tell him what he's grateful for, but Felix believes Hyunjin knows what he's grateful for as their hearts are the closest they have been to each other in years with mere flesh and bones in between, beating as one.

Han soon comes into the studio and hugs both of them, smiling and seeing his friends making up, making the band whole again.

"I told you guys not to fight over me," He jokes as he puts his arms around them.

Other than himself, Felix is aware that he must have been putting the band in distress, but he's glad that they give him the space and time, and patience as he picks things up at his pace.

They're part of who he is now because everyone around him helped him grow, they're there whenever he has to decide and affects the decision he takes. They hold a part of him as he has parts of them in him, they're one, and they're going on an adventure together.

Hyunjin pulls him into the middle and squeezes him together with Felix.

"I think we all should kiss and make up," Han playfully suggests.

Hyunjin, repulsed by what he said, doesn't waste time to groan, "EW!!!"

While Felix, as the personification of love touch, endearingly kisses him on the cheek. Han grimaces but not moving until Felix pulls away.

"Now we make out," Felix jokes.

Han screams in panic, "No, I said make up not make out!"

As Hyunjin holds him by his waist, Felix grabs Han's face and angles it to him, laughing as he's witnessing everything.

"I'm pretty sure I heard make out!"

Felix jokingly leans in closer while Han's scream is getting louder and louder.

This is going to be one Ssick adventure.

It brings back memories as you enter the concert venue except that tonight, you'll be watching from the front and among the crowd.

Felix texted you a few times asking if you came or not, you feel bad for not replying. For this one night, you want to experience their show like everyone else and not through the camera like you always do.

Indeed, it feels different now that you're a part of the crowd and get to watch the show, singing to every song at the top of your lungs and not worrying about anything else but having fun.

Sure, your heart hurts seeing him but with this euphoric feeling of the thumping music and loud cheers, it helps to dull the pain.

As for the band, they're getting bigger and bigger each day, literally and figuratively, they're not stopping, if anything, they're speeding on their way to the top.

You're proud of them and proud that you've been a part of it despite having just a small role in it. You're proud to be a part of their history.

Ssick, the greatest band to ever exist.

"Are you sure it's taken?"

Felix has been asking staff if someone has taken the seat he reserved for you. He has no other choice since you didn't reply to any of his texts.

"Yes, it says the ticket is scanned," the staff replies.

He's pacing back and forth while wiping his sweat with a towel, ignoring that he's tired from the show. The others are anxiously seeing him and Han gets curious as to what he's so antsy about.

"Are you waiting for someone?" He asks.

Felix looks around the room to find Hyunjin, he's nowhere so he must be showering right now. However, he smiles at Han and shakes his head, "Nothing."

He takes his phone and furiously types a new text message to send you.

Lou comes barging into the green room with a loud banging sound of the door opening, "I found this loitering outside, should we take it or...?"

Felix gets a Deja Vu, he once heard those same words before. He spun around to find Lou grinning while pulling someone behind him.

"Can you stop texting me already?" You complain while showing your phone buzzing with a new one he just sent you.

Felix squints his eyes at you, slightly annoyed that you ruin his plan to surprise everyone with your presence.

He walks toward you, scolding and pointing his finger at you, "You! Why didn't you—"

Someone cuts into the line and gets to you first, "What are you doing here? You're fired, remember?" Vin jokes.

You roll your eyes at him and give him a quick hug, "I am not fired," you persist through your gritted teeth.

Vin laughs then takes a good look at you, "What's that on your face? Is that makeup?"

You groan and stop his hand from touching your face. He's probably used to seeing your bare face with only a few layers of sunscreen and your eyes always look tired.

"Where's your camera? Don't you have photos to retouch?" He jokes again.

"Excuse me, I'm not working for you anymore," you say with a sly smile.

"You!" Vin is a second away from scolding you.

It's weird to say you miss being scolded by him but you do. You hurriedly linked your arm with him and grinned at him, "Please don't hesitate to hire me again!"

Felix doesn't want to wait any longer, he comes to hug you, "You didn't reply to my texts," he continuously nagging you.

"Oh, my God! I'm here now!" You mumble as you hug him back.

Han appears behind Felix, shouting, "Look at that! Our girl is back!"

He takes his turn to give you a quick hug, "Why didn't you come by before the show starts?"

You shrug, "It was a great show by the way and I got to fully enjoy every bit of it without having to worry someone about to scold me for not getting any great photos," you uneasily glance at Vin and giggle.

"Put you on the blacklist," he jokingly says.

You turn at Han again then at Felix, you do realize that someone else missing from this scene. You swallow air before continuing, "But seriously! Amazing, amazing show!"

It's nothing new to them that you're bad at conveying your thoughts into words, two thumbs up are enough to emphasize those words and assure them that you meant every word you said.

"Amazing!"

Just like it was timed, Hyunjin comes out of the other room while drying his hair with a towel, sucking a bottle of water. It's like time stops and you and him are the only ones existing in this moment, eyes met with so many words left unsaid.

He's so close yet so far, he's within your grasp but out of your touch. He's like a dream that you don't want to wake up to but you can't stay asleep forever. You have to face the truth that you can't have him in your wake.

You look away and turn at Felix, "Love your solo today!" You awkwardly compliment him.

"How about me?" Han asks, feeling competitive over silly things.

"You're great as always!" You say while patting his head.

Lou pulls Han back and keeps him in his place, "will you also come for tomorrow's show?"

"Not sure. I have work tomorrow," you reply.

"At least come to the after-party," Lou whines like a toddler.

You softly chuckle, "I'll try."

Felix notices that you avoid looking in Hyunjin's direction as he stands across the room, quietly opening a new can of drink.

It's sad if you have to lose your chance at love too, not when he knows that Hyunjin is in love with you and you're just as in love with him.

He doesn't want to be that person who stops his friends from their happiness.

"For tonight, I'll let you guys rest and it was truly a great show. I had so much fun!" You tell them once again.

Felix grabs your elbow, "you're leaving already?"

"Yeah," you simply answer.

You take his hand and hold it, "I'll see you again."

"Tomorrow?" He guesses.

You only answer with a chuckle and that doesn't put him at ease.

"It's nice seeing you guys! Good luck for tomorrow!" You say for the last time.

Waving your hands at them by the doorway, Felix catches your sad smile a second before you turn away to leave.

There's no way he's doing nothing when he knows his best friend deserves a happy ending.

To say that he's happy to see you would be an understatement.

Hyunjin is ecstatic, elated, delirious with happiness and that's just from looking at you. What would it be if he could do more than just look?

He wants to touch you, hug you, and kiss you, he's yearning for you, missing you like he's losing a limb of his body. He's alive but he's barely breathing.

Why can't you do this? Why can't you love him back? Why can't you at least try for him? Why?

That question lingers in his head until Felix stops him from entering the van. Hyunjin looks at him with eyes widening, "what's wrong?"

"Exactly!" Felix says back at him.

He grips the strap of his bag so hard that his knuckle turns white, "what is wrong with you?"

Hyunjin is not in the mood to talk, especially when he's tired and heartbroken still. He takes a step back to prevent himself from doing things he doesn't intend to.

"I'm tired," he shortly responds, then tries to walk past him to enter the van.

Felix once again stops him by putting his hand against his chest, "so that's it?"

"What do you want? Really?" Hyunjin may have raised his voice louder.

"You're not going to chase after her and try to fix it?" Felix raises his voice even louder at him.

Han pops his head out from inside the van, "guys, please?" He pleads, scared that they might lose it this time.

Hyunjin unclenches his jaws and instantly regretted snapping at him, "She said she doesn't want to do this," he meekly says.

"Then try to convince her!" Felix simply resolves.

He takes a deep breath to calm himself down and lowers his voice this time, "If you really love her, then prove it to her! Go to her!"

As much as Hyunjin wanted to be with you, he thinks of Felix. Hyunjin has gone through the same thing, so he knows how it feels to be in that position, to keep both sides happy he has to sacrifice his happiness.

Hyunjin drops his bag to the floor and sighs, "what if—"

Felix takes his bag from him and tosses it into the van in which Lou grabs it in time. He then takes his phone out of his jeans pocket.

"Don't think!" He says.

Hyunjin's phone buzzes from inside his jacket pocket and opens the text Felix just sent him. It's an address.

"Just do it!" Felix adds.

But does this mean Felix is on his team?

Felix grabs Hyunjin's shoulder and shakes it, "what are you waiting for?"

While holding Hyunjin's bag, Lou says, "I'll cover for you. Go!"

Hyunjin looks at Felix and there are so many things he wanted to say to him. Among apologies, he wants to say how grateful he is for him, to be existing at the same time with him and being his friend.

All that comes out of his mouth is, "Thank you."

Hyunjin's heart is pitter-patter. He feels like it's going to jump out of his chest at any moment as he arrived in your apartment building.

He takes the stairs as if his heart rate isn't high enough, taking two stairs at a time until he gets there, right in front of your door.

There are a few things he would say that he has prepared for the moment you open the door. He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. His excitement gradually fades as every knock on your door is left unanswered.

"It's me," he says just in case you wonder who's knocking in the middle of the night.

He knocks again but there's still no answer. Getting hopeless, he leans close to the door and talks loud enough for you to hear.

"Can you please open the door for me?"

He closes his eyes and lets out a desperate sigh, "Please?"

This is what he fears the most, not the rejection but not getting the chance to explain and make things right. At least, he can go home now knowing he has tried his best.

With a heavy heart, Hyunjin turns around his feet and heads for the stairs, bumping into a person and knocking things down.

"Oh no! The eggs!" You sadly mumble as you pick up the plastic bag from the floor.

"I'm sorry!" Hyunjin mutters without thinking.

Without having to check, Hyunjin is pretty sure that he broke all the eggs as the content filled the plastic bag.

You don't even look surprised to see him, annoyed is more like it. Everything that Hyunjin has planned to say evaporated from his head. He bursts out anything that crosses his head at that moment.

"Why aren't you home?"

You look inside the plastic bag once again and sigh, "I was out to buy eggs and milk for breakfast tomorrow."

"I've been knocking at your door for an hour!"

You jerk your head back, unamused, "And I can't have eggs for my breakfast tomorrow because of you!" You scold back.

"Well, you still have the milk," he nonchalantly says then shrugs.

Hyunjin is aware of how he keeps talking without thinking and just saying everything he wants, he looks at you and you look back at him.

At the same time, you break into laughter. The hilarity lasts as long as each of you keeps breaking into another series of laughter.

When the laughs died down, he clears his throat and says, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" You ask.

"For the eggs."

"Anything else?" You ask with an eyebrow raised higher than the other.

"For coming here just now," he adds.

You nod and warmly smile at him, "Want to come in?"

Hyunjin definitely wants to come in and hopefully, will never leave.

While you're busy disposing of your broken eggs into the bin, Hyunjin walks around your new apartment and looks at each photo on the wall.

Places, sceneries, and moments captured in pictures. Looking at them, Hyunjin feels like he's looking at the world through your eyes.

"Here," you hand him a can of soda.

"These are beautiful," he compliments the photos on the wall.

"Thank you," you shortly reply.

Hyunjin opens it and takes a long gulp of it before putting it down on your desk. That's when he sees it.

"I'm offended by how you treat my token of love for you," he says.

You look around and see what he called a token of love on your desk. You guess it's the guitar pick inside the small tray full of memory cards.

You pick it up and show it to him, "this is a token of love?"

"It's my first guitar pick I used for the tour, it's meaningful, it's a token of love," he explains.

The only thing it reminds you of is how he flicked this thing at your head at the first concert, "you threw it at my head," you say with eyes widened.

"You're supposed to catch it!"

"How do I know that you want me to catch it?" You argue back.

He tips his head to the side and glares at you, "That's me telling you I like you!"

"Hyunjin, that's not how you give someone a token of love," you tell him with a snide smile.

He puts a hand on the desk to support him, "I thought you'd get it," he meekly says.

You come up to him and also put your hand on the desk, "Now you know why I thought you hated me, huh?"

It all makes sense now. He realizes he has a very unusual way to show his affection. Hyunjin sheepishly laughs and slips his hand under your arm, "Can we... hmm..."

He laughs again the moment he looks at your slyly smiling at him. Pulling you close, he asks, "Can we skip this embarrassing part and goes straight to making up then we can kiss after?"

Just having a whiff of his scent gets you intoxicated already, putting you under his spell, making you submit to his wishes, and those lips are just... incredibly tempting.

You notice that he's looking down at your lips too.

"Why don't we kiss already?" You offer a better idea.

With your permission, he doesn't waste another second to lean in and kisses you, so softly at first, and turns hungrier after a few kisses.

He still likes biting at your lower lip before pulling away, tugging it between his teeth, and making you moan as he kisses you whole, taking your breath away.

"I miss you so much," he murmurs close to your ear.

You turn your head to look at him but he captures you in a rapturous kiss, making you giggle against his lips.

"I miss you too," you murmur back the second he lets go of the kiss.

Using your finger, you trail the frame of his small, beautiful face. You admire the facial features that you believe are meticulously sculpted by God himself.

You look into his eyes as he looks back at you as if your eyes hold the universe in them, "I miss you too much."

Hyunjin sits on the edge of the desk so he can be at the same eye level as you and pulls you close, that way he can stare into your eyes and dives into them, never to come out of the surface.

"Let's do this, yeah?"

The hands that are resting on your waist, he glides them up until they are wrapped around your neck, cupping your face with both hands, he places a soft kiss on your lips.

"I think we can do anything if we're together," he says, resting his forehead against yours, "don't you think?"

Something about him that always makes you believe that you're worth more than you think, makes you believe that you can fly higher with your little wings and ride in the wind.

You open your mouth to say your answer, but he uses the opportunity to kiss your open mouth.

"I'll not take no for an answer," he mutters as his sweet smile puts you under the spell again.

You stare into his eyes, seeking the answer from his spellbinding eyes. All you have to do is put your trust in this relationship.

Just like Hyunjin said, no one has a say in this relationship, he trusts you therefore you only have to trust him back.

You nod, "Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

A smile blooms on Hyunjin's face, he expressed his happiness by giving you a long, lingering kiss, one of many more kisses to come. A token of love that lasts time and age. Miraculously, his kisses always leave you wanting more and more.

His body calls to your answer as he hoists you up against his body, lifting your legs and hooking them around his waist.

"You don't want to carry me to the bedroom," you mutter against his lips.

"Huh? Why?"

"It's upstairs."

He raises his eyebrow at you, "you think I'm not strong enough to carry you there?"

You didn't mean to stroke his ego but it's amusing to see his flabbergasted face.

"Okay then, tough guy. Take me there!" You dare him.

"Hang on tight then!" He warns you.

Putting your hands around his neck, you watch over his shoulder as he takes the stairs one step at a time. The veins on his neck are bulging through his milky skin as he uses all of his strength to climb the rest of the stairs.

"Almost there!" You tease by whispering into his ear.

Without warning, he spins you around once he arrives in your bedroom, and keeps spinning until your body hits the mattress.

You're still laughing as he places his body on top of you, putting the stray hair covering your face to the side.

He places sweet little kisses all over your face and tenderly kisses your closed eyelids before putting his lips on yours again. His hand is busy undressing you, seamlessly removing each piece of clothing without taking his lips off of you.

He whimpers as he freely roams his hand around your body, "I almost forgot how soft you are," he dreamily sighs.

You roll over on the bed and have him under you, hovering above him as your hand is working open the buttons of his shirt. You don't know how he undressed you without looking, it's certainly not easy.

You part it open after successfully unbuttoning his shirt, touching and trailing his taut muscles with your fingertips.

Hyunjin snakes his hand around and under you, tracing the curve of your rear, kneading on the flesh with his fingers teasing the fabric of your underwear.

Before you can say anything he crashes his lips at you again, kissing you harder and deeper with teeth and tongues clashing in your mouth.

With his lips glistening wet and red, words falling out of it like a waterfall.

"I love you," he softly mutters.

It's a liberating feeling to know that you don't have to hide, not have to worry about people coming, knocking at your door, and interrupting you. Other than that, you're no longer shackled by the fear of being seen with him.

With that, you slowly let go of all your worries and insecurities that stopping you from enjoying the moment. From now on, you allow yourself to have him and him to have you, wholly and completely, with all of your heart.

"I love you too," you mutter back.

That being said, you also letting go of the fears around you and replacing them with excitement about your future together.

It's so dangerous.

When Hyunjin thinks that you're the cutest when you're shy around him, that's because he hasn't you being bold and confident.

Your hand moves down to undo the button of his jeans and it's only a matter of time now, he gets to feel your hand wrapped around his length.

Bet you know how much he wanted you right now as you slowly pull it out of its confine and slowly stroke it.

What are you trying to do? He wonders.

You hover above him and kiss him deep that he has a hard time catching up with it, losing the air in his lungs and gasping for air the moment you let go. With your face merely inches away from him, you shot him a sly, seductive smile as if telling him what's coming for him and he wonders...

You start making a long trail of kisses down his body, neck, chest, ribs, stomach, and abdomen. He knows where are you heading next and he's not going to stop you despite his heart beating so fast at an abnormal rate.

The hair that sweeps his skin, tickles him, sending tingles inside and down there. It's nothing compares to when you slowly take his length in your mouth, little by little.

Propping an elbow against the mattress, Hyunjin looks at how your lips wrapped around his cock and uses a hand to compensate for the rest that you can't take.

"Oh fu—" he stops himself from cursing and reaches for your head, tangling his hand in your hair.

Mesmerized by watching you, he snaps out of his daze when you pull away and ask, "Good?"

Hyunjin, unable to provide a verbal answer, awkwardly nods.

You pull his jeans down his legs while Hyunjin shakes his shirt hanging on his shoulders, and tosses it away. Shifts his attention back to you, snaking his hand to your back to unclasp your bra and take it off of you.

Can't help himself, he buries his head in your neck, placing kisses down to your chest with his hand cupping your breast.

Drunk with the scent of your body, using both hands, he uses them to pull your underwear down your legs and gets it out of the way so he can put his hand to feel that delicate flesh under his touch.

Hyunjin thinks about you a lot, asleep or awake. However, the reality is always out of his expectations, in the best way. Sitting on the bed with you with both your hands stimulating each other at the same time. Nothing can be sexier than this.

Hyunjin was too haste to say that because the next thing you say is the sexiest thing he ever heard.

"Can I do what I want with you?"

That gets him slightly terrified but mostly excited, he doesn't know what you're going to do with him but he knows that it's going to be a thrill ride. He nods without even thinking.

Putting your hand on his chest, you lay him down on the bed and put your body on top, kissing him, making him forget the excitement that drives him almost crazy.

The next thing he knows you're rubbing up your wetness on his erect shaft, pulsating with desire.

Before his senses slip further away from him, he calls for you, "Baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Condoms?" He reminds you.

You give him a quick peck on the lips, "do you mind if we're doing it without?"

Hyunjin needs time to process it so that he doesn't say anything for a good minute.

You kiss his open mouth, "why are you so tense?"

"I-is it okay with you?" He stammers.

"That's why I asked."

"I don't want to pressure you to do things you don't want."

You subtly roll your eyes at him, "I initiated it. What makes you think that I don't want to do this?"

This is not what he expects to happen, bickering in the middle of sex. The second your eyes meet, you collapse onto his body and chuckle into his chest.

"We don't match well," Hyunjin mumbles.

"Well, we hated each other from the first time we met," you say.

He lifts your head and glares at you, "Huh? I never hated you."

You pout and shrug, "But it showed."

Hyunjin lets out a dramatic sigh out loud, "Yeah, well, what do you even know?"

You smile as you land a kiss on his lips, "what do you even know?" You repeat.

It's dangerous seeing you taking over his body, pleasing him by moving your hips back and forth and he gets to watch while comfortably lying on his back.

Yeah, it's cute to see you keep avoiding his eyes during sex but it's a whole different thing when you fiercely look down at him, then into his eyes while continuously moving.

Hyunjin almost forgot that he can still use his hands to admire your body, holding your breasts as they move along with every movement you make.

"Good?" You ask as you change your move and slowly roll your hips in circular motions.

Hyunjin's eyes are fluttering shut, overwhelmed.

"Too good, baby," he breathlessly replies.

He glides his hand to touch your lips only for you to suck on his thumb which reminds him of what your mouth feels like around his cock.

"Too good," he says again.

He brushes your hair to the side and looks at your pretty face, "you should stop staring at me with those eyes?"

That only sends you lean in close and stare deeply into your eyes, "or what?"

He groans as he feels you clenching around him and you enjoy doing it to him from that sly smile on your face.

"I'm going to cum too fast," he admits, he's been holding it for far too long now. It's actually a surprise that he didn't cum the moment he fully entered you.

"So what's the problem with that?" You simply ask.

Hyunjin doesn't want to cum before you, that's the problem.

You put your hand against the mattress and caress his face, "you don't want to cum inside me?" you boldly ask with an innocent pout on your face.

A stifled moan escapes his mouth as you grab the headboard of the bed for support and pick up the pace of your movements, driving him to his limit.

Hyunjin can't stop himself from grunting from under you, his nails dug into your flesh as he gripped your waist. His eyes screwed shut and his grunts turned into breathless whimpers then...

You slow down the pace knowing that he just climaxing but keep moving nonetheless, lowly moaning feeling his cock twitching inside you.

The moment he opens his eyes, you are looking at him with a smile on your face, "Hi, baby," you softly speak as if you didn't just make him cum inside you.

"Hi," he weakly says back, bringing your face close to kiss you.

Slowly, he pulls you to lay next to him on the bed to cuddle you and kisses you more. He places more kisses on any skin he can put his lips on and you let him have it.

As he lays there with you next to him, basking in love and bliss, he wonders if is it okay for him to feel this much.

The only thing Hyunjin knows for certain is who he should thank.

The coffee machine has started pouring coffee into the pot when you hear Hyunjin calling for you from upstairs.

He's not going to stop unless you come and show yourself to him. Half running to your bedroom, you find him still laying on the bed with his upper body exposed, basking in the warm morning sun.

"I was making coffee," you tell him as you walk to the bed and crawl over to him.

"Who needs coffee when I have you?" He wraps his hands around you and holds you close.

Without warning, he turns you over on the bed and pinned you under him, intensely gazing into your eyes with his warm brown eyes.

"Now that we're together, I was hoping I get to finally wake up next to you," he says.

You rest your hand on the back of his neck, raking his dark locks with your fingers, "we did."

"No, I woke up to an empty bed," he corrects you.

The way he sulks is adorable, his lower lip jutting out and a crease formed between his eyebrows. You don't think he would be fussing this much about waking up alone when he knows he's staying over at your place.

As an apology, you softly kiss him on the lips, "I'm sorry."

He smiles after hearing your apology, "Apology accepted."

"Already?"

He nods.

"Then we should go downstairs. The coffee is ready," you tell him.

He stops you from trying to get up and takes both of your hands to pin them above your head. Shaking his head, he says, "Not yet."

You sense mischief and you can see it in his eyes, filled with wild glints. You can't do much with him pinning your hands against the mattress.

Hyunjin kisses you, hard and deep, his tongue invades your mouth with teeth faintly biting on your lips.

A moan spills out of you as he starts gently kissing, sucking the skin on your neck. There's no need to guess, it's obvious that he wants to return the favor to you.

With the knowledge that you know what he can do with every part of his body and puts it to good use, you lay back and let him please you as he wants.

Hyunjin puts the duvet away, exposing both of your bodies to the sunlight flooding the room as the day gets brighter. His skin is glowing and warm, he's scintillating like the sun itself.

The way he slowly thrusts into you without looking away from your eyes, not even for a second feels like it's not just physical pursuit.

"Look at you," he says.

He cups your jaw in one hand, "You dare to look back at me now."

That makes you aware that you've been staring back into his eyes and instantly looking away from him. Hyunjin chuckles as he kisses your cheek.

"You feel so good, baby," he whispers into your ear.

You hook your legs around him, sending him deeper into you.

"But last night... oh..." he sighs as he hastily kisses your neck.

"You fuck me so good last night I don't think I'll ever forget it," he adds.

With those beautiful lips, he can say provocative words and makes them sound like poems, making you extremely aroused and deeply in love at once.

Sending you close to your high that you gripping his shoulders from the sensation that keeps building up.

"Close, mmh?" His lips brush yours as he speaks.

You nod with your eyes closed.

"Cum whenever you want, beautiful," he murmurs before planting his lips on yours again.

His lips which keep latching on yours, contained your loud moans as you get your release. The knot inside you tightens and loosens, waves of pleasure washing over you again and again.

With your eyes still closed, you search for his lips to kiss and when you finally did, you say, "Thanks to you, we can't have eggs for breakfast."

"Are holding a grudge against me?" Hyunjin asks in disbelief.

Sadly, this heavenly moment has to eventually end. You have a job to do and Hyunjin has to go back for a soundcheck, Vin has been calling him non-stop since he gets into the bathroom to shower.

"You'll come, right?" He asks as he walks around the room, picking up his clothes from the floor and putting them on.

"I don't know how long I'll be working," you honestly tell him.

He stops moving and sulks again, "You have to come!"

You softly laugh and sip your coffee before answering, "I may be late but I'll come, yes."

It's all he wants, he wants you to come no matter what but that's what you can promise him. His phone is buzzing again and you see that it's Lou.

You pick it up for him, "yes, he's putting on his shirt right now."

Lou laughs hearing your voice, "Hope the bed is alright."

"It's alright. I just have to wash the sheet," you jokingly say.

"Ugh!" He groans in disgust.

"Tell him I'm waiting outside," Lou adds.

"Okay, I'll tell him," you confirm and hang up the phone.

Hyunjin knows even before you say anything, but still, you tell him, "Lou is waiting."

You head downstairs, finishing your cup of coffee right on time as Hyunjin lands on the base of the stairs. You come running to hug him and he catches you on time.

"I'll be waiting for you," he says, pecking your lips after.

"I'll be late," you remind him again.

"That's okay," he says.

He kisses your lips again and not letting go until you're running out of breath.

"But know that I'll be waiting for you," he says with a playful glare.

You laugh and kiss him back, "Don't make Lou wait too long!"

With another long kiss on the lips and the last one on the top of your head, Hyunjin finally lets go with a smile on his face. And as much as you are reluctant to do the same, you slowly let him go, selflessly sharing him with the rest of the world.

The first thing Hyunjin hears by the time he steps into the green room is Han's whistle, eyes squinting at him with a malicious smile drawn on his face.

"Ooo... look at that glow on you, Hwang Hyunjin!" Han teases.

Hyunjin hates it when someone calls him by his full name and Han uses it exactly to annoy him. He picks up a towel from a stack provided on the desk and throws it at him.

"Shut up!"

That only amuses Han more as he's laughing on the sofa. Ignoring him, Hyunjin comes up to Felix who's having his lunch by himself.

Hyunjin picks a pack of lunch for him and sits next to him.

"She's coming tonight, right?" Felix asks.

Hyunjin puts down his chopsticks next to his lunch, "yes, but she has to do a job first so she'll be late," he explains.

Felix nods and continues eating, holding his phone in one hand as he scrolls down his social media.

There's something that should be said in this moment and Hyunjin knows what to say but doesn't know how to begin.

"Felix?"

He turns his head at him, "Yeah?"

Hyunjin scratches the back of his head, "I... uh... we're thankful that—"

Felix's deep laughter startles him, "Why thanking me? You're the one who successfully got her back."

That confuses Hyunjin too but he knows for sure that he has to thank Felix for encouraging him to fight for you.

Felix takes a sip of his water and swallows it, "I'm happy seeing my friends happy. That's enough for me."

Hyunjin scoffs and not in a sarcastic way. It just baffled him how there's someone as kindhearted as Felix existed in this world. When he thinks that Felix has done speaking, he turns at Hyunjin again, "But Hyunjin..."

"Yes?"

"If you ever had a change of heart," he says as he gazes into his eyes, "just kindly tell her."

Hyunjin nods.

"Don't hurt her," Felix finishes.

Hyunjin knows that behind that tender gaze, he's warning him that he's ready to go against him if he ever caught him breaking your heart.

Hyunjin thinks that you're lucky to have a friend like him which reminds him that he's just as lucky to have a precious friend. That inexplicably urges Hyunjin to protect him more because a person like Felix belongs in a fairytale, not in this cruel, cruel world.

"Come on! Come on!"

Lou hurries you to run and get to his pace as he leads the way to the stage. You're late and Lou can't leave his post too long, he's risking his job as we speak.

Learned from experience, you're slowing down when it comes to climbing the stairs in the dark since Lou doesn't have time to turn on the flashlight on his phone.

The band is in the middle of playing the song when you finally take the spot on the side of the stage and exchange a quick hug with Vin to finally enjoy the show.

It's certainly nostalgic to be there. A few things changed but some remain the same. It's bittersweet but you only want to focus on the latter part.

It's when the band finished the song, Hyunjin sees that you're here. He looks rather elated to see you, he wants to come but hesitates to do so.

You wave your hand at him instead and mouthed, "Told you I'm coming."

He foolishly smiles and eventually caves in, walking to the side of the stage, handing Lou his guitar before grabbing you by the waist and kissing you.

"Hi, you," he mutters.

"Hi," you say back then gets cut off as he kisses you again.

Lou, in an annoyed tone, says, "Okay, lovebird, time to get back to the stage."

You gently push him away as the band is about to play another song.

Hyunjin grabs his guitar back from Lou and slung the strap around his shoulder, "I love you," he mouthed.

You cup your hands around your mouth and mouth it back to him, "I love you."

Oblivious to the fact that Lou is witnessing everything and looking disgusted, horrified, not amused. You respond with what he always gives you, a nonchalant shrug.

Turn your attention elsewhere, you wave your hand at Felix as he's passionately drumming, busy using both hands and feet to keep the rhythm going.

"Felix, the greatest drummer in the world!" You shout at him, sending him grinning and almost losing his focus.

For the last song, Lou puts his arm around you to dance and jump together, ignoring your lungs burning from running out of air.

You cheer loudly as the band takes their final bow at the end of the show and gets ready to welcome them at the back of the stage.

A grin rises on your face at the sight of Felix, you come up to him and give him the hug when it's usually his job to do so.

"Why are you so cool, huh?" you aggressively ask while patting his back.

You keep hugging him, long enough until it emptied the emotions in your chest, "I am so proud of you!" You sincerely tell him.

He kisses your cheek, "Thank you, babe!"

Aware that someone else is waiting for his turn to hug you, Felix reluctantly lets you go. You see Hyunjin appears behind him, ignoring the exhaustion and sweat rolling down his face, he's slipping his hands under and holding you close.

"You're not going to say anything nice to me?" He asks.

You pretend to think and stalls from answering, "Uhm... no," you joke.

With his hand on the back of your head, he angles your head to kiss you again, deeper than before.

"You taste salty," you comment.

He looks down at his t-shirt soaked in sweat but instead of pulling away, he pulls your hands tighter around him, leaving you no option but to let his sweat seep into your clothes as well.

Hyunjin leans in to kiss you but someone holds him back from doing it, "It's my turn now," Han says.

Han looks at you, "I'm getting a kiss too, right?"

Hyunjin pushes him away and possessively puts his arm around you, "Not a chance!"

However Hyunjin can't linger around you for long and you sneak a kiss on Han's cheek when he's not looking, "There you go!"

Han is looking taken aback by the kiss as he touches his cheek, wide eyes and dazed.

Hyunjin turns around to take your hand, "Come, baby!"

You look over your shoulder at Han and gesture to him to zip his lips, keeping it a secret between you two.

Han confirmed with a wink shot at you.

You look down at your clasped hands and then at him as he brushes all of his hair to the back, "Hyunjin?"

He pulls you close to his side, "yes?"

"Does it mean I can have you for myself again?" You ask.

He smiles hearing that and nods, "I'm all yours now."

Felix may have not gotten his love but he surely gets his happiness, double, triple even.

He's happy to see you happy, to still have this precious friendship with you, and remains best of friends. A friend that he can always call in both good times and bad times. A friend he can freely be himself and not be afraid of being judged.

And as he looks at you sitting with Hyunjin, whispering words to each other, looking so in love and happy. He's happy about that too.

Happy that both of his friends found love and are happy with each other and he wishes it stays like that for a long, long time.

At last, Felix is happy for his band, especially after successfully finishing the tour. In this after-party, he can see that this happiness belongs to everyone who takes part in making each show happen.

It's happiness after happiness after happiness. His heart is overflowing with nothing but happiness.

What everyone doesn't know is that behind that happiness, there's that drop of pain.

Felix still needs time to finally let go of his love, it's not easy considering that his object of affection is always around him.

Even a drop, it still stings and constantly prickles at his heart.

Felix consoles himself with a glass of drink in his hand as he looks at the night sky, he likes to think that the crescent shape is the moon smiling down at him.

"What are you doing out here alone?" Lou asks, shattering the intimate moment Felix is having with the moon.

Felix sheepishly smiles, "nothing. Just drinking," he says, showing him the lukewarm whiskey in his glass.

Lou nods and stands next to him, also looking up at the night sky and looking at the same moon. A gust of cold wind blowing his way but Felix wants to stay here longer.

"It'll pass," Lou suddenly says.

That makes Felix's head turn, "Pardon?"

Lou looks at him and says it again, firmly this time.

"It'll pass."

Felix doesn't know he needed to hear it until he did and that inexplicably rejuvenated his spirit. An ending is an opportunity for another beginning.

"You're right," Felix agrees.

"Of course I'm right," Lou boldly remarks, holding out his drink at him.

Felix clinked his glass together with him for a toast, feeling eager to begin again.

As for Lou, he's finally standing right in front of him for the first time, seeing him eye to eye, perhaps, Felix can see him now and knows that he's been there all along.

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taglist: @svintsandghosts @abiaswreck @septicrebel @cursed-mars-bars @ppiri-bahng @drhsthl @tangylemonade @bluenights1899 @thisisnotstraight88 @elizalabs3 @avyskai @is2cb97 @simeonswhore @marvelous-llama @linovely @jisungsleftcheek @hanjisbeloved @luvsskz @knowleeknow @army-stay-noel @djeniryuu @bigsobs4skz @toplinehyunjin @channies-luv @foxinnie8 @biribarabiribbaem @dalamjisung @moasworld @sherryblossom @fawnpeaks @lukeys-giggle @obeythemasters @primoppang @lessthanpast @devilsmatches @downbadreading @yubinism @notmebutyouu @hyvnjinhours @weak4skz @143hyunes @julciaqwerty @insomnic-maniac @simpsarzie @m3tavita @missvvixen @hanniesss @dreamingsmile @imzenning @skz-streamer @lilcutieana @yuhjoeyuh @aeminju @kpop-bbdoll @seokjin-epiphanyy @nothing4u547 @im-sinking-in-mud @tenshimara @mylilliposts @skz-lover21 @jihanniee

#stray kids smut #skz smut #skz x reader #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids fics #skz fics #kpop smut #kpop fics #kpop fanfics #seospicy smut #on tour series

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missblissy · 6 months

Text

Bitter

Summary: A little drabble that takes place after the events of the game. In an intimate moment, Astarion has feelings of disgust within himself, and can't help but break down, talking to you about how he feels in his own skin. You stay supportive and help him through it.

Warnings: mentions of sex/domestic trauma, and panic attacks, but no actual smut. :) Only angst. Just angst. :)))

A/N: Hey hey! This is my first Astarion X Reader! I have been sucked in and now I'm just another one of his girlies :') I used a GN!Tav with no mentions of race/class/gender whatsoever. I really wanted to explore Astarion's sexual trauma, how he deals with it, and how he feels about it. I like to think Astarion desperately wants to be whatever he thinks "normal" is, and that he has a lot of shame and pained feelings towards not being able to be whatever this "normal" is. So I wanted to give him some angsty love/hurt and comfort. Enjoy!

Bitter. Like sour brandy. A perpetuating ick that crawled with insect-hooked feet into his skin. The itchy pain of ghostly memories was hot on his flesh. The crawling and coiling were unconditional. The buzzing of past words, actions, and regrets all flooded his mind. His body moved with a mind of its own in a sheer thought of panic. Moving. Repulsed. Unwanted even. But it still happened. Bittering the moment, souring the taste in his mouth, clutching at his undead heart with a rage he didn’t know he had, so soft and subtle that it built like a breeze over the ocean, hitting him like a typhoon.

But no sign foretold that in the sudden jerk and pull back of his own hand from yours. No longer interlocked. The recoil of his body from instincts rather than thought or sound mind. How he fell away from you, not into you. Both surprised him, his internal rage, and his body betraying him. A breath hitched in his throat as he was pulled back to the dimly lit room of reality.

Where was he again...? His mind was foggy, far way, but yet still brim and bright with paranoia. Flush and festering with one too many distant memories.

“Star-bite?” Your voice was always soothing… Enough to pull him from his mind. The fog far from leaving his eyes traveled with ease across his face in the dark room. No light was needed for you to see that.

The honey worry in your words where enough for his eyes to meet yours despite his shame to look away. It pained him even more with the love welling in those sweet pearls and staring up at him with nothing but patience. Seemingly something he didn’t have. A tender hand lifted to his head, “Are you okay?” You asked. He flinched away. Again. Not even twice now in five minutes. You didn't pull back, however, but rather left your palm open with patience.

Astarion closed his eyes and leaned his cheek into your hand for only a second as he tried to ground himself. Self-hatred bubbled in him. Embarrassment. Shame. It was all the same feeling at this point and it was unbearable.

He sat up and back on his legs, no longer looming over you as the moonlight bathed him in a glow. Glossy with an otherworldly shine you stared up at him, skin exposed to the night. And watched as his shoulders fell with a deep sigh of frustration as he threw his hands to his face as if to hide while shaking his head, “I’m sorry-” He started. You slowly sat up as well, a blanket bathing over your own equally nude body in a half attempt to cover up.

“I’m sorry.” He said it again, “I.. I Don’t know what came over me,” He tried to laugh it off, the fact he blanked out, flinched from your very touch, and found himself disgusted even with the person he loved most. You understood… This was hard for him. Sex. Intimacy. Anything that related to his body. So you so desperately wanted to comfort him.

Which could be a hard thing to do sometimes. Despite that, you tried to reassure him. This wasn't the first time this has happened, “You don’t have to do this, It’s fine-”

“It’s not fine!” Astarion snipped with a whisper that could have been a scream, “I’m… not fine.”

Bitter. It was always bitter on his tongue even when he laughed like it was as sweet as syrup before it turned into wine, “I don’t want to be… like this,” His voice carried on as he gestured to his entire being, “Every time. Every single time it doesn’t matter how much you love me I still feel disgusted in my own skin and that’s not fine!” He finally snapped out with a subtle sob, “I want to be able to do more than look and love you from an arm’s reach without wanting to burn my bones and erase the memory of everything I’ve ever been through every time I’m simply just touched by another!”

There wasn’t an easy way to hide the pain on your face. The bitter truth. Even you knew it and it still stung fresher than a wasp’s stinger on a knuckle. No amount of love you gave Astarion could fix the damage done to him over two centuries of torment. No kind words, no simple nothings, or gestures could undo any of it. Nor erase it. Even dead, Cazador would always be with him.

Astarion’s voice picked up, another twisted, sad, and painful laugh, “It sickens me… It kills me,” He sighed, “That even no matter how much I love you, adore you, want you, and need you…” Silver-flowing tears trickled along his cheeks, flicking with faints of pink, betraying his true nature. A vampire’s bloody tears never lied. A sour sniffle sucked back up into his nose as he spoke again, “No matter how much I care I can’t be fixed. I’ll always fucking be like this!”

He felt so trapped in his own skin. Disgusted with his own body. Hateful towards the person he was forced to become and betrayed by the thought of the person he could have been. It was a bitter cycle. And to think… This all started as a lovely night. But Astarion could just add this to the long list of many other things he’s ruined.

You sat on your knees, scooting just an inch ever so closer, “Astarion?” You held out your hand for him, palm up, open and there for him to take if he wanted. And of course, he did, “You will always be broken.” His eyes shot open and he stared at you, surprised by your honest take, “But you will also always be loved and cared for even if you are broken,” You squeezed his hand lightly and gave a soft smile, “And I don’t mind that you’re broken,”

Something told him you were lying but Astarion knew better than to believe that. It didn’t stop his little scoff as he averted his red gaze, “Even if I can’t fuck you?” Bitter. It was in his voice, the way he spat the words and laughed by adding, “I know I’m supposed to be this amazing, beautiful, and skilled piece of work but I’m no-”

“You’re not supposed to be anything,” You softly interrupted him, knowing exactly where he was about to go with this tangent, “You’re only supposed to be whatever you want to be. Not what others have made you out to be.”

He still couldn’t meet your gaze, but you could see the doubt in his eyes and the subtle pout of frustration on his lips, “Even if I don’t know what I want to be?” He spoke more softly this time, like it was mostly to himself so he could finally speak it out loud, “... Or who I am?”

“Absolutely,” You promised him. It broke your heart every time he had these moments, how hurt and torn he must feel inside you could only imagine. You leaned a little closer, enough to still give him his space, “I’m not with you for the sex, Astarion, it was never about the sex. So I could go the rest of my life waiting, or not waiting, or simply just being there,” You reached up and cupped his cheek again and pulled ever so gently to get him to meet your gaze, “You… Do. Not… have to have sex with me to keep me to stay with you,” A little glimmer in your eye sparked with affection, "I'll say it as many times as you need to hear it, you are enough just as yourself. And I'll say it forever, I love you for you, and that includes even when stuff like this happens."

That got the littlest smile out of him. He brushed his cheek deeper into your palm and found himself even leaning into your embrace, “You know I want to,” He huffed, “I just don’t think… I can… not without this feeling being there, that is," It was still bitter. He closed his eyes, head resting by your shoulder, nearly hiding in the crook of your neck, “I don’t want to be this way. It’s like I'm not even free. Like my time in the sun was worth nothing in the long wrong,” He quickly looked up at you and corrected himself, “I know that’s not true,” A bitter smile, “It just feels that way, sometimes,”

Your smile, bitter too, but sweet, with a sad nuzzle of your nose against his in a loving and comforting gesture, “I know, Star-bite,” Then a little kiss to his nose for reassurance, “But this,” And a tight squeeze of his hand, referring to just this simple act alone as you spoke, “You can do. And this is more than enough,”

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion x you #astarion ancunin #angst #bg3 fanfiction #fanfic #pale elf #bg3 astarion #haha not me writing my first fic in YEARS #hahaaaa #aaaa #:)#no body look at me im in my feels #I just need some astarion angst to heal me its fine

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tan1shere · 4 months

Text

Bitter Sweet

Ellie williams x fem reader !

Summary: you're the sweetest soul around Jackson, perfect girlfriend, perfect friends. Everything seems to be perfect but it isn't. You get bullied, but no one sees it. You hide your feelings until one day it gets really bad

A/n: just thought of this in bed, I'm feeling a lil insecure myself so i hope you girlies get warm fuzzies at this cute lil fic (I haven't proof read this yet so- if there's any mistakes pretend I'm an amazing speller 🥰)

Warnings: none just fluff really. Reader is insecure about body, so maybe if it triggers you or you don't want to cry or I dunno, just thought I'd mention :) kinda angst??? But also not-? Body shaming-? (Do not condone whatsoever. But I relate a tiny bit- sadly- anyways)

Masterlist

You enjoyed days like these, the sunshine kisses your beautiful bronze skin, the slight tan arising from the beautiful summer air. You were currently attending to your garden, listening to all the critters making their pretty musical songs. When you get a tap on your shoulder startling you. You stand up and look to find your girlfriend, Ellie looming over you. You get up fanning out your skirt from any dirt. "Sorry angel. Didn't mean to give you a fright." You smile at her. "No no it's alright." You speak softly going to kiss her. "What have you got planned for today?" She swipes a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

"Just picking out some flowers for my new vase." You smile brightly at her. She returns that smile, looking around at your garden. "How about you Els." You ask going to grab some of the flowers and heading inside. "Me, Dina, Jesse, and a few others were going to go out later and ofcourse I'm asking you to tag along." You weren't a very outgoing person, you kept to yourself. You knew Jesse and Dina, although you aren't one hundred percent comfortable around them. You stuck close to Ellie, always. She was your rock. "Uhhh maybe." You go over to your sink, her following close behind. "You'll be with me baby I'll make sure everything's ok."

You contemplate. "Maybe Els. I dunno I'm not use to New people." She goes closer to you. "I know I know, but I really want you there. Please?" You think more, really not sure. "I guess it couldn't hurt." You smile slightly. She smiles more. "Awesome I'll come pick you up later." She kisses your cheek, leaving you to your thoughts as she leaves out the door. You didn't have a good feeling about this.

Few hours had passed and it was almost the time Ellie was suppose to pick you up. You were just looking in the mirror you constantly wore skirts and cute blouses. You examined your body, your stomach, thighs, arms. Even if you aren't big or anything you still feel awful about your body. Stretch marks, your pale skin. You wanted to cry. If you were completely honest you just wanted to stay home. But seeing Ellie so happy made you happy. You get up to a knock on the door, going and opening it. "You look beautiful." She says smiling at you. Lies. You knew she was just being kind. You never really believed her when she'd compliment you. You just couldn't.

"Where are we going?" She leads you out. "Dinas, she's having it at hers." "And how many people will be there?" You ask nervous. "Uhh maybe like 10 at most." You sigh. She was so outgoing, so enthusiastic, knew everyone and anyone. You don't know what she even saw in you. You were so different. "We don't have to be there for long." She nods with a tiny smile. You nod back. Still not even wanting to leave in the first place. Your bed sounds so much more comfortable right now.

Once you're at Dinas, she greets you by the door. "Hey you two, come in." You both step inside hearing some music and voices. You stay close behind Ellies tall figure like a puppy dog. "Thanks Dee." She smiles at Dina, going into the kitchen to get a drink. You kept on following, when some giggling girls walking past, caught your attention. One looked you up and down. And definitely not in a good way. They all walk on by grabbing their own drinks. You felt queasy. "So we could just chill in here, maybe dance." You just nod along to her words. This was going to be a long night.

You had just told Ellie you needed to use the bathroom, heading down a hallway, full of drunk teens. The smell was putrid, some even making out. Once you approached the bathroom you notice the same girl from earlier and her little group. You decide on whether or not you should speak up, or hold this unbearable pee until you get home. "U-uhm.. excuse me.." Your voice was weak, frightened of these strangers. "Oh I'm sorry, did you say something?" The main one spat. One of her friends snickering. "I need to use the bathroom.." You didn't want to make eye contact. You couldn't.

"Sorry but you might want to speak up. Can't quite hear you when you talk like a toddler." You go silent. "Still can't hear you." She smirks. You really don't know what to do. Should you leave? "Well come on, spit it out. And this time, try not to speak like a my little pony character." Its the way you caught onto what she was saying right away. That made you want to run, but you felt glued, like you couldn't. "Aren't you Ellie Williams girlfriend?" You look at the blonde infront of you. "U-uh yeah." You stutter. "Pft, I have no idea what she sees in you. She could do way, better." Her friends laugh yet again. "I mean come on, you follow her around like a lost dog. Think that lil bit you did just then was the first time I've heard you speak." You go to leave, just wanting to go home.

But she grabs your wrist. "Oh look girls, she's even the size of a toddler." She fake pouts as they giggle. You hated how tiny your wrists were. You hated it. You hated how small your hands were. You never held Ellies hand, you were afraid she'd view you differently. "Damn, do you even eat." You blink at her. You ate perfectly fine. You don't even know why you look like this. "I- i-" She let's go. "Y-you." She mocks with a snicker. "Go back to being a lil follower to your girlfriend. You pathetic twig." You felt tears threatening to spill at any moment now. And all you could do was run. "Careful you might break something!" She calls out, turning to laugh with her friends. Bitches.

You ran out of that horrid house, tears streaming down your face, sprinting to yours. Feeling your eyes blur as you slam your door and sink to the floor. You let it all out now. How can someone be so cruel. But oh they were so incredibly right. That's why it hurt so much. They saw what you saw. The truth. Suddenly there was a banging on the door to be found with Ellies worried voice. "Babe, open up please." You sniffle. "J-just go home Ellie.." There was a pause. "You know damn well I'm not doing that, please let me in." Your shakey frame moves out of the way to let her in.

"Hey hey whats going on with you-" She goes to reach for your arms but you immediately make sure that doesn't happen. She feels her heart break. "Y-you don't wanna touch that.." She furrows her brows in utter confusion. "Baby what are you on about." If she wasn't worried before she really fucking is now. "No.. you- you don't wanna be with some twig wh-who can't even talk to people properly." You sob out feeling your body ache. "Babe where is this coming fro-" You look at her. "My brain. Everyone, you-" She shakes her head. "Woah woah woah. Calm down, I don't know what's going on but you need to breathe." You cry more. "I- I can't.. my brain won't shut up, I'm ugly Ellie i- I am.. and everyone sees that."

She was shocked but that slowly turns into a tiny giggle. She moves closer to you grabbing your face gently. "Do you have any idea how naturally gorgeous you are." You look at her still feeling tears. You know she's caught on. "Whoever said these things are clearly big fucking cunts." You were shocked by the language she used, but you let out a tiny dry laugh, feeling your throat and eyes hurt from the crying. "And if it's who I think it is, there's one thing they need that you don't." You listen, wondering what that was. "They need makeup. You don't. And that is something you should be truly proud of." You melt at her lovely words. She rubs her thumb under your eye gently. Wiping away those pesky tears.

"Your natural beauty is my favorite thing in this whole world, so please. Never change. And it's not like you're unhealthy. You eat often and good. When they're over there, eating crap, getting sick. If anything they're the ones who should be vividly insecure. And they are, jealousy." She looks at every inch of your face admiringly. "Bitches." You blurt out making her smile so big. "Yeah, bitches." She kisses your nose. "Please never change because I fell inlove with my natural sweet baby. You're beautiful just the way you are angel. And I will remind you every single day. I'll kiss everything you don't like. And I'll do that everyday." You lean up on your tiptoes to kiss her. She kisses back sweetly.

"Why don't we get into bed and watch a movie, sound good?" You nod at her. "I love you Els." "I love you too my precious girl."

A/n: If you are struggling with your insecurities please know you're never alone in that and I hope this made you realize how everyone's perfect in their own way. I may not see that all the time in myself. But I do know my worth <3 (also not saying that makeups horrible I literally wear it often, but no one needs it to truly feel pretty. I enjoy doing it because it's fun!)

#elliewilliams #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie williams fluff

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bruh-changbin · 8 months

Text

pamplemousse

pairing: yang jeongin x afab reader

genre: smut + fluff (minors dni)

warnings: mentions of food (grapefruit lawl), oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), kissy, that's it

word count: 1.5k

a/n: SHORT I KNOW but i'm busy and lowkey wasn't feeling this while i was writing it but was also too stubborn to scrap it and also havent posted for skz in like eons so here also first jeongin fic yay enjoy and lmk thoughts

you’ve always been impartial to mornings.

they’re so boring.

and desolate.

and……. ugh.

who would rather be up at the ass crack of dawn being productive instead of getting a couple of extra z’s in? your boyfriend would, much to your dismay.

being a vehement night owl has been an integral part of your persona since highschool, when papers and essays that in hindsight were not all that important kept you up late into the night. the ink splotched sky dotted with milky white stars a solace from the glaring blue light of your laptop that dried your eyes and gave you a headache.

in post-secondary you never strayed from your nocturnal ways, often times only crawling under your covers to get some rest when the sun had started making its way up the horizon. whenever asked your greatest weakness the first word that always comes to mind is procrastination.

still, there’s something so hauntingly beautiful about being awake and alone in the late hours of the night. you’re able to gaze upon the moon and the pale glow she casts upon your surroundings. you’re able to take in the sounds of the world when people are removed from the equation. you’re able to ponder, allow your thoughts to swim around in your brain without interruption. all of which is washed away when tinges of orange, yellow and pale blue begin to streak the sky in the morning.

ergo, you were somewhat disappointed upon the discovery that your lover does not feel the same way; quite the opposite actually.

to be completely fair jeongin’s schedule is to blame for his early rising, but it makes no difference to you. most mornings you wake to an empty bed, hands feeling around before your eyes are open to search for a warm, 5’10” body and instead being met with cold sheets.

of course it’s not the worst thing in the world but still, it’d be nice to bathe in the warmth of the late morning sun while wrapped in jeongin’s buff arms - morning sex is also a plus, should the opportunity arise (which it almost never does due to you usually waking up alone).

this morning you wake up to an empty bed, as per usual. the screen of your phone lights up when you tap it and tells you that it’s nearing 11:00; you spend a few minutes scrolling through your socials before forcing yourself to get up.

you laze your way through your morning routine, making sure to wash your face and make your bed and throw on some clothing with more coverage before making your way downstairs. upon entering your kitchen you spot a plate that’s been placed on the middle of your counter with a spherical object of some sort on top of it - a grapefruit. half of a grapefruit, to be precise.

it looks refreshing, with the flesh a pretty pink, the veins white and spongy, the rind a pale yellow that’s waxy to the touch. crystalline specks of sugar are melted into the juice, the sweetness a contrast to the bitterness of the fruit.

you indulge yourself by digging in with a silver spoon, scooping out coral coloured chunks of fruit and placing them in your mouth, leaving a tart coating on your tongue and the back of your throat. syrup slips past the corners of your lips and you lick it away, not wishing for a drop of the fresh juice to go to waste.

despite there being no note or whatsoever you know this was jeongin’s doing; and you know that he had the other half before he left this morning so in a way the two of you still had breakfast together (not really). of the small things he does for you in your relationship this is easily your favourite - knowing that your brain is barely operating when you first get up and head downstairs so he makes it easy for you to nourish yourself before starting the rest of your day.

looking after you is second nature for jeongin, who tends to act as if you’re a precious baby bird who fell out of its nest and needs help getting back on its feet. you don’t mind it of course, and he knows where the line between pampering and coddling lies and rarely crosses it (you’re not actually that reliant on him, and he knows that). being the youngest in stray kids means he’s constantly being taken care of, and he just likes to do the same for someone else - that someone else being you.

he’ll massage your back when it hurts, run to the convenience store when you’re craving something specific, dry your tears when you cry over a sappy rom com that you forced him to watch with you.

he lets you play with his hair and help him choose his outfits. he’ll wrap his arms around your waist and kiss his way down your neck when you’re doing the dishes. he’ll fuck you in the middle of the night when you wake him from his slumber, claiming that you’re too turned on to fall asleep and his body is the only thing that can satiate you.

the devotion he has to you is constant, and you can feel it in the way he talks to you, takes care of you, touches you. through this you’ve learned his quirks and nuances, how to tell what he needs and when he needs it.

much like tonight, when, after coming home from a devitalizing day of practice, you can tell that all he wants is to feel your warmth and you his. the pads of his fingers are rough as they slip under the hem of your shirt and smooth against your sides and your back, his pouty lips coming in contact with your jaw before pressing against your own. with movements that have an undertone of urgency jeongin guides you towards your shared couch in your shared apartment, his arms bracing your frame as he all but pushes you up against the cushions.

with his chest flush against yours you inhale his scent, dragging your fingers through his hair and whining when his teeth pinch your bottom lip. the grip he has on your restless hips is strong, and when he glides his tongue against yours and you swear you can taste the faintest hint of grapefruit juice in his mouth.

the warmth you lose when jeongin pushes himself off of your body is only worsened when he pushes the fabric of your shirt up to expose your tummy, his curious fingers dipping into the waistband of both your pants and panties, both of which are stripped from you when jeongin drags the fabric down and off of your legs.

you instinctively clamp your legs shut, yet you allow jeongin to pry them open with his firm grasp and position himself in between your limbs. his pupils swallow up the rest of his eyes as his gaze falls upon your bare cunt, tongue flicking out to wet his lips as he kisses and nips his way down the flesh of your inner thighs.

your pussy is sticky and wet with sweet nectar that jeongin laps up and swallows down like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. his tongue pokes and prods at your flesh, your cunt clenching around nothing when he teases your clit by flicking it with the tip of his tongue.

“baby~ don’t tease,” you huff in annoyance as jeongin refuses to focus on one place for more than a few seconds. his right hand moves from where it was perched on your hip to allow his index and middle fingers to toy with your now dripping hole, only slipping inside once you’ve whined and complained enough.

he continues to suck on your clit as his fingers dip in and out of your pussy, causing your stomach to churn and your heart to flip in your chest as you writhe in pleasure. your breath hitches in your throat each and every time the silver rings at the base of jeongins fingers graze your hot wet cunt, his digits now surely coated in your arousal.

his fingers keep thrusting and his tongue keeps teasing and soon enough you’re cumming all over him, moaning aloud into the open space of your living room as your orgasm slowly ebbs away.

the sight of jeongin making his way up your body after tongue and finger fucking you is one to behold, with his pout swollen and pink and coated in your juices and his hair a mess from the way you were tugging on it. his cheeks are flushed a subtle shade of rosy pink, much like the colour of the grapefruit you shared this morning. you pull his body against yours and kiss away the sweetness on his lips.

#stray kids smut #yang jeongin smut #jeongin smut #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids fanfiction #skz fanfiction #stray kids blurbs #skz blurbs #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #yang jeongin x reader #yang jeongin fanfiction #yang jeongin burbs

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theyungihven · 2 months

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The Demon's Infatuation • Sex Demon Yunho

CHAPTER 2

↬ pairing: dom demon yunho x sub female reader

↬ genre: smut, romance

↬ warnings: breeding kink, cream pie, pain kink, unprotected sex, hip bruises, biting kink, slut-shaming, choking kink, hard core dom yunho, yunho is OBSSESSED,

↬ word count: 1.2K+

↬ author’s note: this full novel length fic is a dedication to my boyfriend alex and the demon that visited me at night two years ago every full moon night

Summary : She's just an innocent heartbroken girl who just wants to be loved for once despite her flaws and imperfections and he's a wicked demon who wants nothing but to corrupt her soul to till all she can think of him. What can go wrong if he takes a little interest in her? Heaven along with Hell are not going to collide with the Earth, or will they?

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST : @yunhogrippers @haram-monbebe @atinism @yvnhoos @st4rhwa @lomons

“So I teleported near the old city. And then, I got this strong whiff of blood.” I tell San.

We sit under the neon lights on the barstools as we rest our hands on the bar counter. The brown wood creaks under my weight, a reminder of its ancientness

I feel the bartender’s eyes widen with every word I say, as if he’s a columnist and writes the infamous gossip column catered to making the most scandalous secrets known to hell’s residents.

However, I don’t care enough and continue about my latest endeavour to a very uninterested San. The fellow demon looks like he will jump into the holy water any moment, if given the chance to cease his existence.

“I saw a girl on her knees begging someone to love her.” I say and a small smile greets his lips. “She looked delicious and I’m telling you, she smelled sweeter than an elixr.” I continue and the bartender bends down to access the lower cabinets of the counter, all while his eyes stay hooked in my direction.

“And what’s better than trapping a human in distress? So I thought, why not make my presence known? And then, mate,” I chuckle as I remember the moment she ran inside and the look that crowned her face when she noticed my shadow form, “she has the audacity to recite verses, but she couldn’t even do that right.”

“Humans are pathetic, I'm telling you." Dante agrees with me as he smiles a little, his lips thinning but not even curling a degree up whatsoever for some reason unknown to me. My heart skips a beat as my smile drops.

The clitter clatter of the glass and the chatter of the demons inside the infamous club Hell’s Inferno is constant, with fights erupting every now and then, like an active volcano.

However, today, it is eerily quiet in the dead of a full moon night.

It is unusual, but I enjoy the bourbon in my hands.

I swirl it around while taking a little peek at my dear friend, San who is playing with the end of his tail. He looks very odd today, as if he has fucked up real bad and is now going to be banished from hell. His skin looks pale as if he’s losing his colour from malnutrition.

However, as from the latest gossip and news about the duo’s latest adventures also according to the not so quiet whispers, celibacy isn’t the case.

“Mate, you look like you prevented a sin.” I say, as I place my bourbon glass on the counter and stare at him. Nothing but worry fills my heart.

“Nothing.” he replies lifelessly as if he has given up on reality and accepted defeat.

“Then, the fuck is wrong with you?” I scream.

Everyone in the club looks at me as if I tempted a human to commit a good deed.

I take a deep breath in order to calm myself down and then say,

“How’s your girl, San?”

“urm…she’s doing…umm…well!” Dante shutters. He then gulps his drink all the way and stares at the glass.

My suspicions and the word of mouth which had travelled to me earlier this week were indeed true.

Dante did associate with an angel, committed treason and is next on line to getting banished from hell.

“You fucked up big time, mate.” I chuckle as I say, swallowing the bitterness on my tongue which attempts to slip but I don't want to hurt Dante anymore.

“I know, I know…” Dante sighs. He then takes a deep breath as he corrects his posture.

“I FUCKING KNOW OKAY!” He slams the glass on the table as he stares at me dead in the eye.

“What are you going to do with this girl though?” Wow, now I am the main focus of the conversation. I look up at Dante as I lick my lips, refreshing my memory at all things I’ve been thinking to do with her.

“Tempt her, seduce her, get so deep into her mind” I say as I swirl the drink which the bartender refilled in order to infiltrate our privacy.

I gulp down the whole thing in one go and slam it on the table.

“That she’d desperately crave me like a drug.” I finished, and Dante’s reaction to my words is magnificent. He looks like a human when they see me in my demon form for a split second in the corner of their room as I give them my charismatic smile.

“But how?” Dante asks as he looks at me all confused.

I get up from the barstool and walk closer towards Dante.

“Good things take time, my dear.” I pat Dante's shoulder as I continue, “but wonderful things…” I lean in as I whisper into his ear, “takes a good strategy and patience.” I say, then lean back, flashing him my trademark smile as I turn around and make a dramatic exit which leaves everyone gasping.

#yunho #demon yunho #ateez smut #san #ateez yunho #san smut #seonghwa #hongjoong #yeosang #mingi #jeong yunho #incubi yunho #incubi san #yunho smut

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love-hatred-stuff · 1 year

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cambio [change]

A/n: eyyy so pls excuse any mistakes I didn't proof read^^

• genre: angst, a little spice ofc, sub!rafe tho

⚠ warning(s): degradation, mean reader in general, mentions of drugs and addiction, smut, that's it ig, don't wanna spoil too much

enjoy fellas, love you and thanks for reading <3

Part 2

"Please-" Rafe cried, letting out a rough sob afterwards, interrupting himself.

You didn't say anything. You just looked at him, questioning your relationship at this point.

After a few seconds, he managed to calm down his sniffling and looked at you with his glossy eyes, shaking his head in disbelief of this situation.

"Please, just one more chance... I promise, I'll do anything!" He pleased with you, but you weren't in the mood.

"What are you begging for anyway? It's not like there's anything left to save." You monotonously stated.

Another sob from across from you. You hated seeing him like this, it broke your heart, but not more than he already did. Besides, he was responsible for all this.

"I know, I- I don't deserve it. You're right. I just... love you so much, and- and I can't breathe thinking about you leaving me." He wiped his tears aggressively. He didn't feel like he deserved to cry, he shouldn't be doing any of the things he was doing right in this moment.

You just scoffed.

"Ah- yes, poor you, Rafe. I'm so sorry, you're gonna have to live with it." You couldn't bring yourself to feel anything besides bitterness right now.

Rafe knew this would come, he knew someday you would find out and the bond you two shared would be destroyed. But he hadn't expected it to hurt this immensely. So all he could do was cry into his palms and wish this would all be just a nightmare.

"Do what you want, find someone that tolerates the shit you and your friends do, Rafe. But I'm not the one. See ya around, I guess." With that the door was closed behind you.

The following days, Rafe did not once leave his house, answered any texts or calls from his friends. He stopped letting anyone see inside his head. Because he was miserable and his head an ugly mess, he wasn't ready to fix any of that.

He decided that he would stop seeing his friends for a good while, if there was a slight chance you'd ever even think about taking him back, he would have to choose between you and them and making that decision wasn't even hard.

And if you still decided to live without him, he at least could show you he made some type of progress.

•••

After what felt like years, he finally managed to at least eat normally again and go to school every now and then. Of course his "friends" asked him several times what was going on with him but he just made up some cheap lie and continued his day without them.

Not seeing you for such a long time, hurt him and it was damn hard not crying himself to sleep every night because of how guilty he felt and of course because he missed you like hell and worse.

...

Just when the moment came when he felt like he was free of his awful mind for a minute, he saw something that made him feel like he was being stabbed. Several times, hard, and slow.

He was helping his dad with this event, garla, whatsoever, and it felt good because he was busy, doing something, no room for much thought. And then when he looked across the whole place just to breath and look at these filthy rich people, you caught his sight instantly.

First he almost smiled, remembering how beautifully you flipped your hair back while being concentrated on something or someone. Yeah and you were focussing on someone, what would be normal in a conversation, though you weren't having just a conversation. The guy in front of you he didn't knew, which made everything even better.

But he did actually see how his hands were squeezing your waist, like he owned it and you weren't doing anything besides smiling at him, showing your beautiful little smirk to someone that wasn't him, made him rage with fire.

And a few seconds later he realised he didn't have the right to be angry. Not anymore.

Before he could process what he just saw and that you were already leaving his sight with the tall stranger and the second after that you were severe meters in front of him.

Seeing how you recognised him and closed the distance between you two, he panicked. But it was too late to run away now.

"Hi, surprised seeing you here, thought you despised these kinds of events." You didn't smile at him but you didn't look bitter either, he couldn't make anything out of your flawless face and expression. You felt oddly foreign.

"Yeah, uh- just helping my Dad out." Was all he could bring himself to form.

"Nice suit aswell, you look different, Rafe." He wasn't sure you meant it as a compliment though. Maybe because he was starstruck on the way you said his name, as he always had been.

"You look as beautiful as ever, Ma- uh- Y/n." God, he could slap himself so hard right now. His thoughts didn't end there though, Mama, he loved calling you that, he always loved it when you controlled him.

"Oh no, don't say that. You really shouldn't." You could tell he was nervous, and that there was a question burning on his tongue.

You expectantly looked at him, waiting for Rafe to go on.

"Who, uh, who was the guy you were with just now?" Right when he ended that question he already regretted it, seeing the way you rose your brow at that.

"I- I'm sorry! I shouldn't have asked that. You don't have to answer. I'm really sorry!" He whimpered, looking at his shoes in embarrassment.

"You really are curious, aren't you? His name is Ben, a boy I'm hanging out with. He's pretty decent." You explained to the boy in front of you.

"Ah, cool, cool." He just said.

You could tell he had to gulp down that information.

"Yeah, well, I gotta go now, so..., see ya." You gave him the tiniest smile, and that was enough to have him grab you arm, so you wouldn't leave him again.

"I miss you, Y/n. So much, you can't imagine. And it hurts but if that guy makes you happier than I could, you deserve it. I just wanna be good for you." He felt ashamed now, but he had to say it.

Again, no signs on your face, of what your head looked like after his confession.

"Tommorow, 9pm, my place, can u manage that, Rafe?" Was your answer, and he was so shocked like he never had been.

He needed a while.

"Yeahh, yeah. I'll be there, I promise. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, darling, you might wanna know why I'm doing this." After that you disappeared into the crowd.

The next day felt like it was never gonna end, Rafe couldn't stop thinking about you, and what you had planned for him.

He was sure you wouldn't take it easy on him, somehow he had to pay for what he'd done, well, besides having the worst time of his life after you left him, but still. He should be punished, and if he was honest, he was kind off scared of what was coming for him but no matter what it was now, he deserved it. After all, he'd practically used you for several months, and he never planned on staying with you so long, let alone, really falling in love with you.

He just wanted to make it up to you, be able to look at you again and think, that he's never gonna let you go.

Fast forward, at some point it was 9pm and he was standing in front of your house, not knowing what to do really. He just knocked a few times after taking a deep breath and waited for you to more or less greet him.

The moment you opened the door, was like he saw you for the first time, though you weren't wearing anything extraordinary. But the short pants and the tank top you were wearing, made him weak into the knees nonetheless.

"Nice, you showed up." You said bitterly, and he knew what you were referring to.

During your relationship you loved planning your dates beforehand, but soon you learned, it didn't mean as much to him if he stood you up or not, you forgave him again and again, because you were so fucking blind.

Rafe lowered his head in shame, waiting to be let in.

"Come on in, Cameron." You stepped aside, after some time of reconsidering if this was really a good idea.

Hopefully you could teach him some manners this time. Though you knew it wasn't going to be easy, you also knew how to keep him at your feet in the future.

A moment you found yourself standing in your luxurious living room, looking at your very much still handsome ex. You took a step towards him, wanting to have a closer look at him.

"You grew your hair out, I like it." Your fingers curled in his hair, giving him a good view as he could look directly down on you and your cleavage.

"T-thanks." He was nervous, you could tell, well he got reasons to be.

Rafe didn't know what to do really, he desperately wanted to touch you, too, but he knew he would be dead if he made a move now. Though it really was tempting. He hadn't touched you in such a long time, he couldn't resist gently putting his hands on top of your hips. And he regretted it the moment he did, he should’ve waited for permission, idiot.

Instantly you created a distance between you two, glaring at him with dark eyes.

"Fucking hell, why do think you can touch me? Was the time I Ieft you some space not enough for you?" You asked, but it sounded more like a threat to him.

His wide eyes now looked at you, mortified.

"No! I'm sorry! You just- I missed you, y/n! I couldn't resist the urge, I'm really sorry." You just sighed and rolled your eyes at his pleasing.

"Sorry, sorry, blah blah. You know you don't deserve to touch me, Cameron! And yet you can't stop thinking with you dick instead of your brain. You know, I'm slowly asking myself how you could ever make this up to me. Think for me, Rafey, think hard, what would you do?" You challenged him, as you always were.

"I'd do anything, everything you ask. I promise, just give one chance, please!" He whined, squeezing his eyes shot in embarrassment.

"Oh yeah?" You raised your brow in disbelief.

"Would you give up your friends for me?" You actually knew the answer to that and it was basically the only reason you let him inside this house again. And because, you can't deny, you couldn't stop loving this stupid asshole.

"Yes! Already did. I didn't hang out with them anymore since the day you left." His glossy eyes looked at you, hoping for forgiveness.

"I'm impressed. What would you do if I chose Ben, though huh? Would you let him touch me, Rafe?" The blonde gulped, having to process this unexpected question first.

"I- I don't know, I suppose, I should. You're... not my girlfriend right now, as much as I hate that fact."

You nodded slowly while grinning, agreeing with him.

"That's right. Say it, Rafe. I'm not yours. Not yours to touch, not yours to fuck, not yours to kiss. Not yours to look at anymore." The way you said that so effortlessly cold, made him stop breathing for a moment.

He looked at you, not knowing what to do or say next, you just broke his heart the second time.

"Say it, Rafe. I want you to look at me and say it." You commanded.

He knew you wouldn't be going easy on him, but this, this was evil, even for you.

"You're not mine." He paused, sighing before he had to continue.

"Not mine to touch, not mine to..fuck, not mine to kiss. Not mine to look at." Tears were already forming in his eyes, vision going blurry.

"Good job, baby. Now do me a favour and don't cry yet, yeah? Save your pretty tears, Rafe. Be good for me."

Oh you fucking knew how to play with him and not to mention; his feelings.

"I'm sorry, y/n!" He wiped the stray tears from his cheeks briefly before looking at you again, although it was pure torture at this point.

"Do you want me back? Does my baby want to make it up to me? Do you think you can ever win my trust back, Rafe? When I know you never saw me as an equal in the first place? It's disgusting what you and your friends did."

"Yes, I know that! And I will try my best to make it up to you, I swear I will change. I love you." He promised.

You nodded, somewhat satisfied.

"Start by going to your knees." You offered him a chance, that was better than making him say that you weren't his.

So he did. Looking up at you like a sad puppy.

"Good. No beg me to forgive you, or else we're done here." You him strictly.

He nodded and tried to find the right words for this. He never begged for anything in his life.

"I'm deeply sorry, y/n. I know that I played with your feelings for a long time, but really I hurt myself, too. You're everything for me, when I can't have you, I'm nobody. Please, take me back, and I swear, I will please you and protect you and love you the way you deserve. Please!"

A grin made it's way onto your lips, you should make him beg for you more often, humble him every now and then.

"Do you think, I should take you back? A rich addict, that doesn't know how to treat either his money as well as his girlfriend? Over someone that is humble, responsible and loyal?" You decided his torture wasn't quite over yet and you did realise that you enjoyed this way more than you should.

The dirty blonde boy kneeling infront of you whimpered quietly at the realisation you put him through.

"No, no. You shouldn't, I'm sorry for thinking you would. I just miss you so much y/n, I can't breath." He cried now, emotional limit reached.

"Oh no, Rafe. You know me, I'm just playing with you-"

"I promise I can be humble, responsible and loyal! I'm always loyal to you!" He cut you of in a desperate tone.

"Oh yeah? You didn't have fun with any other girls when you were on parties with your friends? Not once?" Actually you couldn't say what he did when he wasn't with you, but he ruined your trust, so you wouldn't be surprised if he allowed himself to have fun with some random drunk girl.

Though before that you always felt like he saw you as his only one. You didn't know what to believe anymore.

"No! I would've never! I don't have a mom, and my dad is not the best, but he taught me that if I choose to be with someone, I should show respect to this person and be loyal. Besides, I never felt like missing out with you, how could I? You filled my deepest desires and I think you are the only one that can." His eyes seemed honest to you, but as said, you didn't know if you could believe him.

"Real nice speech, Mister Cameron. Get up, I'm sure your knees hurt." You showed the tiniest bit of mercy.

"Are you sure?" He asked doubtfully.

What a good boy, you thought.

"Yeah, but don't you think I'm done with you, and certainly not that I forgive you." He wouldn't miss the warning tone in your usually sweet and lulling voice.

"Okay." Rafe stood up and although he was about a head taller than you, you still made him feel small with the amount of power you held in your gaze.

For a moment you just looked at him. He was still trembling a bit, but at least he wasn't crying right now.

"Tell me, Rafe. Did you touch yourself? Or did you let someone else take my place while I wasn't there?" Your questions now taking a whole different turn, he was surprised, and getting hot all of the sudden.

"No. I, uh, it didn't feel right doing it with someone else." He spoke quietly.

"So you touched yourself all alone, yeah?" You voice was softer now, much more gently than before.

"Ye-ah." He stuttered, not being able to hold your gaze this time.

He felt bad for being turned on so easily, feeling the blood rush downwards.

"What did you think of, while jerking off, huh? And look at me." The smirk plastered on your lips made him quiver in arousel.

"I, uh, I thought of you, y/n. Only you, your body is so perfect, there's not a thing in this world that makes me feel the things your body does." He admitted shyly.

"Interesting, so you're still the little slut I remember. You probably still have a higher sex drive than iq, isn't that right?" You were definitely teasing him now, and he couldn't do anything about it except hoping you wouldn't notice the boner forming in his jeans.

"Idk! I- I haven't had sex in a while."

You were impressed how corrupted he still felt because of you, but also quite proud.

"Right. Probably the reason why you're already having a painful looking boner right now." You let out a small laugh before taking you hand to his face and caressing his soft cheek.

Rafe panicked, scared this was the last straw because he couldn't think of anything but you touching him in the moment.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-" You hushed him then, putting a finger on his slightly pouty lips.

"Sshh. Do you want to be touched?" You whispered in a seductive way.

He could only nod frantically due to your finger silencing him.

"Then I suppose we're done here. Go find someone that touches you, Rafe." Your expression changing immediately, just as his.

The excitement in his eyes go lost again, feeling not only humbled but also he was getting robbed of the possibility getting the only thing he wanted.

You took you hands off of him.

"What? Are you gonna cry again? I thought this is what you wanted." You played dumb.

"No! I don't wanna leave. I'm sorry for being so... aroused. You don't have to touch me, I just wanna stay a bit longer, please?" He was a mess by now, you could tell, just were you wanted to have him.

"Let me think... if you stop being so greedy and start doing what I tell you, you can stay. But only for one night, Ben's coming over tomorrow." The last sentence hit him hard, he had to gulp down that information.

"Is he your boyfriend now?" He wanted to know.

Was he fucking you, was he enjoying doing things to you that he wasn't allowed to think about anymore?

"Would you have a problem with that, Cameron?" You were getting angry again, he knows he shouldn't have asked.

"Yes! You're still mine, y/n. I don't want him to touch you!" But apparently he didn't know how to stop being greedy.

Suddenly he could feel your hand on top of his bulge, groaning in absolute agony. God, he almost forgot how heavenly you could make him feel.

"I. Am. Not. Yours. Rafe! You're so damn lucky that Ben isn't my boyfriend yet. I could touch you all over and leave you, begging to come." You dominance made him whine.

Rafe didn't feel so turned on in what felt like years after your fight.

"Please do something, y/n. Please!" He was fighting the urge to buck his hips against your hand, but he knew he wouldn't get anything at all if he did.

"Move your hips then. I won't do anything for an asshole like you are."

He immediately did, ignoring your insult, moving uncoordinated just to chase any form of friction against his straining dick.

"Oh, you are desperate, aren't you?" You laughed softly.

"More. Please, more y/n!" He wanted to grip your shoulders so bad.

You took his hand and guided it to you breasts letting him squeeze one of it sensually. With your other hand you squeezed him tightly, making him a desperate moaning mess.

"Thank you! Thank you, y/n!" He breathed out.

You two stayed like this for a minute before you could tell he was getting near the edge. One more squeeze and you let go of him, also taking his hand off your chest. Rafe let out a beautiful whine shortly before falling tears.

"It hurts, y/n." He cried, looking at you with pain filled eyes.

"Now you know how it feels. You deserve this, Rafe. Because you don't know how to follow some simple rules." You explained sharply.

"I'm sorry." After that he cried into his hands, realizing how bad his situation really was.

"Maybe you should go before it gets too late." Although you didn't like seeing him so miserable, you knew if he was able to endure this for just a little longer, you were willing to take him back.

"But- but you said I could stay for the night." He whined once again, finally looking at you.

"Well, I changed my mind."

Rafe let his head hung low again, not being surprised but still feeling his heart scrunch in pain.

"I hope you're not thinking that if you'd stay I would let you come. Because I won't for a very long time. Additionally to that you won't touch yourself or me, unless I give you permission. If you break my rule, you know what happens, Rafey, no chances for you left then. Decide for yourself if you want it to be Ben instead of you who's getting jerked off by me." Not a single emotion that you granted him to see on your face, he knew you were dead serious.

"How... long?" He asked carefully.

"I'm gonna tell you when the time has come. Now get home and remember my rules when you arrive, baby." You let your hand run through his hair, letting him enjoy this short moment of softness and care.

"Okay. Goodbye, y/n. I love you." He said before he disappeared behind closed door.

And the next morning was torturous, waking up with a boner that practically begged for a release and at the same time the guilt he had that ate him up everytime he thought about how much he'd hurt you.

Rafe didn't know when he was supposed to meet you again or if he had been completely played by you and he was never gonna get the relief he wished for so badly.

Besides that he was feeling awfully jealous. This Ben guy was probably at your place right now, getting to do everything he wasn't allowed to. Let alone him being able to see and touch you in response had him balling his fists with rage.

But, he has got to wait for you, and he was so thankful for yesterday, he didn't expect you to grant him so much pleasure.

••••••••

Although, after three days he began to worry you had been bored a little and decided to only act like you were looking forward to giving him another chance the other day.

He was currently driving on his boat around the coast with a friend he met in school, one of the good guys, because he knew it was game over if he would get involved with bad influences again.

They agreed on driving to the harbour, to get something from the shops nearby.

Walking through the shop, already having lost his friend in the process, Rafe saw his now rival, Ben.

He knew better than to approach him and start a fight, but unfortunately Ben was already walking towards him, watching Rafe intently while having a playful smirk on his lips.

When the moment came and they stood face to face, Rafe wasn't scared of getting physically hurt because he was basically already used to it, but he was scared to play his last card that could get him to win you back. For sure you wouldn't even look his way anymore if he would now abuse your little wannabe boyfriend in any way.

"Aren’t you y/n's ex? Heard a lot about you." Ben began the conversation.

"Yeah, I am. Is there a problem?" Rafe tried to be as kind as possible, concentrating to not give in to the urche of absolutely destroying the boy infront of him.

"Nah, man. Just wanted to get to know you before I steal your girl." Oh and with that he almost had him, fighting with himself if he should punch him right now or not.

Calculating that, it wouldn’t be much of a genius idea, so he let it be, although he was very close to making that mistake.

Rafe pressed his lips together in order to shut himself so he wouldn't say something that you'd make him regret. Looking blantly at Ben, not knowing what he was expecting him to say or do.

"Anyways, I'll get going, was nice meeting you..." He then drifted off, leaving Rafe and his thoughts alone who wondered where you'd be if Ben was here aswell.

He shook his head to get out of his mind again, finding it a bit weird how Ben had approached him. Literal scumbags must be your type, otherwise, why would you hang out with him, let alone date this guy? He couldn't find any logical answer to that so he began searching for the friend he came with in the first place.

Driving back to his place, Rafe's friend began talking to him about something that kind of peeked his interest.

"You know, there's this party tomorrow at some Resort here, I wondered if you'd go with me and some other friends of mine?"

At first he thought it was just another boring party like some he used to go to, and since he wasn't into those partys anymore since you broke up with him and he blocked Topper and all the other dicks, he almost brushed it off. Before he could, his friend added something that changed his mind entirely.

"Y/n will be there aswell as far as I know. You're friends, right?" He didn't know that you were actually his ex and far more than just a friend.

"Oh, yeah yeah, I know her. I'll go with you, why not?" He just pretended.

"Awesome!"

•••••••

The party was quite nice, the music on full blast, people being more open minded and talkative because they already had something to drink and not so much of these wannabe cool addict kids, like he once was.

Though, he wasn't really feeling it anyways, he was just staying so he could see you and maybe even talk to you. Of course, his new and much nicer friends were also there but he just acted like he was interested in what they were saying really.

One or two hours passed and finally, Rafe almost choked as he saw how beautiful you looked, a black silk dress hugging your body, just like a glove. You looked extraordinary and definitely were the eye catcher of this party. He honestly couldn't believe you were once going out with him.

"Dayum, you should introduce me to her sometime, Rafe." Some guy that he barely even knew hit his shoulder playfully.

He just shot him a glare and remained silent, watching how you moved passed all these people, how you held your glass of champagne, how your smile lit up the whole place.

When he realised someone snaked their hand around your waist and whispered something in you ear, flirting, and that one being Ben, his jealousy grew excessively in no time.

"Why are all the good ones taken man?" Someone in his group cursed.

"She's not taken, they aren't dating." Rafe replied dryly.

"Well what's he doing with her then? Being all touchy and stuff..."

"They don't match, she deserves better than him." He couldn't hold himself back from saying that out loud.

"Agreed." The others nodded.

Rafe tried not to stare at you the whole time, though it turned out to be quite difficult.

Fast forward, he and his friends had gone inside for some more drinks, but he just needed a time out for a moment so he searched for the bathroom.

Being done with that he exited the men's room. You awaited him and shoved him against the wall a bit.

"There you are, I was waiting to have a more private setting so I could just play with you some more." Your voice made him feel wobbly instantly, it sounded so sweet and rich of confidence, addictive.

Rafe looked at you with big eyes not having expected you to bless him with your direct presence today. His heart tripped just so it could beat two times faster than before as he locked eyes with you.

"Actually I've come to say..." You let go of him suddenly and he missed your touched the very second later, holding in a whine.

"You don't need to be jealous anymore, I'm breaking it off with Ben. I know you two met yesterday and he was dumb enough to tell me what he said to you. I'm proud of you for not punching him and keeping you mouth shut like a good boy. I shall reward you for that. Tell me what do want, Rafey?"

He was absolutely speechless, he couldn't believe his luck.

But you were getting impatient after some time that he didn't give you answer.

"Come on. You can use your words, before I change my mind."

"Take me back, please?"

"Don't you think that's a bit too much to ask? I thought you'd come up with something like a kiss... but I'm sure it would be good enough to watch me dumping the only other guy that could potentially fuck me, wouldn't it?" You just enjoyed playing with him too much.

"Yes, that's fine." Rafe answered but let his head hung low a bit in disappointment of his unfulfilled wish.

You faked some sympathy and gave his biceps a squeeze with your hand. The contact gave him butterflies.

"Don't be sad, darling. The day might never come, but that's alright, because I'll always have you by my side anyways. Isn't that right?"

Oh you were being so mean to him, his breathing stopped as he realised what you just said. His ribcage began to sting and his heart made jump after jump.

"I'm so sorry, y/n. I s- swear I love you and I didn't m-mean any of those things to happen. I didn't want to hurt you-" He fumbled with his words but you interrupted him like the devil you decided to be.

"Yeah, you just didn't care enough in the first place. You didn't give two fucks about the dates I planned for us, because I loved you and wanted to spend time with you. Rafe, you didn't even care about our anniversarys. The only thing you cared to attend to were those stupid ass partys to get your nose in some poorly manufactured coke. I sometimes thought you hated it so much being with me that's why you would always get yourself something to stay high."

God it hurt. It pained so badly to hear you talking about how you had loved him, past tense. Rafe just wanted to crush his head and destroy all those awful emotions he was feeling just now.

"No, no no no no. Y/n I-" He attempted but broke down crying midsentence, trying to wipe away his tears, but they wouldn't stop flowing.

"Stop, you're not making it better. I know it hurts, Rafe. I've been going through it for months before I broke up with you. I know what I'm making you feel like right now, and although I don't particularly enjoy watching you suffer, I just stopped caring. You stopped caring for me a long time ago. You had to loose me to know what you've broken. And I should better stop talking now. Sorry, I should go. Didn't mean to let it go this way. Have a nice rest evening, Cameron. Hope you dream of me." You winked at him, like he wouldn't be fighting with himself so he doesn't end up crumbling on the floor.

"Y/n, wait!" He shouted as loud as he could before you'd disappear again.

You slowly turned around, looking at him sweetly but expectantly.

"I love you, you know that? I do care, I promise, give me crumbs and I'll give you everything I have. I won't give up. You mean so much to me." His voice was weak but you heard him and you found satisfaction in the way he was so eager to win you back, you were almost considering to take the deal.

You got a little closer again, so you could hold that eye contact better.

"You're cute. Thank you, I know you care darling, look at you, you're a mess just because of me, and still you want me back? That adorable. I'm gonna keep you. As long as I got nothing else to do at least. I'll give you some attention every now and then. But you're gonna have to wait a little, I'm not going to praise you for nothing."

"Okay, yes. That's okay. I will wait as long as it takes." He nodded.

♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡

Let me know if you want a part two pls & ty

#rafe fanfiction #outerbanks rafe #rafe x reader #rafe angst #rafe smut #sub!rafe cameron #dom!fem!reader

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444rockstargf · 4 months

Note

Hey girl, I love your work and I was wondering if you could write more toxic angsty love with euronymous kinda like your story "remember how we used to party up all night?"? I love what you wrote before and it doesn’t need to have anything to do with the story I mentioned before but I have no specific idea other than just that theme of toxic love. Also could be good as headcannons if you think that would be easier to work with,

Love your writing 🩷🩷

thank you for the request!

"blessed with beauty and rage." | euronymous

ultraviolence. - lana del rey

✮⋆˙ [tags] @faesucksass @lustkillers @mayathepsychic1999 @josibunn @vanlisbon @lankysimp @monkeyfart @simply-stellarr

female!reader x euronymous

headcanons.

contents: toxic relationship, mentions of cheating, arguing, slight degradation, not proofread

fighting all day and everyday. everything you said to eachother, it came in one ear and went out the other. you would walk around the house, passing him but not even glancing in his direction. he'd firmly grab your wrist, pressly your body into his as he condescendingly glared down at you, expecting some sort of greeting from you. "good morning to you too, bitch."

you would have no privacy whatsoever. whether you'd be changing in the bedroom or having a shower, he'd barge in, going on to do his business while not even acknowledging you. "what the hell, euro! can't you see im busy?!" he would simply glare at you through his reflection in the mirror. "i dont think i give a damn, princess." if you were naked or in your underwear, he'd get a little smirk on his face and leer at you as he walks away.

whenever you two have a bad fight about something, you'd storm off into your bedroom, slamming the door shut and burying yourself in bed, trying to completely drown him out. but as soon as you started falling asleep, he'd storm into the room, tearing off his shirt before climbing into bed beside you and pulling your body onto his, ignoring your grumbles. he'd rest your head on his pale chest as he gently strokes your hair, whispering in a bitter but warm voice. "even though you're the bane of my existence, i wouldn't want to share this bed with anyone but you."

you better get used to him pinning you against things whenever you get mouthy. the wall, the fridge, any door in the house, he's pushed you into his, forcing his hand onto your chest as he stares daggers at you. you'd look so helpless as you squirmed underneath him, all to his pleasure. when he feels your body starting to shake, he'd let you go, leaving you there all alone.

you'd always taunt him with the fact that you could leave him for any of his bandmates at anytime. after he yells at you about something, you'd sit there with your arms crossed and a slight snarl on your face. "i bet pelle would treat me better than this... i'm an idiot for ever choosing your ass." with that, he'd shut up and behave like your little dog for the rest of the day, listening to all your orders and doing whatever you please.

you and euro have known eachother for a long time, so he knows exactly what to say to break you apart. he would growl as he gets in your face, yelling at a volume that makes your blood run cold. "and you always wonder why you don't have anyone in your life! you think anyone else would put up with your bullshit?! pull another stunt like this and im gone, just like all the others."

most of your arguments would end in you leaving, locking yourself in any closed space and hugging your knees to your chest, silently weeping. he would eventually break, sighing as he sheepishly knocks on the door, talking softly. "c-can i come in, sweetie..? i want to talk to you. nicely this time..." you'd open the door, meeting his slightly red eyes and splotchy cheeks. he'd hold his arms out to you, and you would jump into his arms, enjoying his warm embarce. he would kiss you gently on the top of your head as he says softly. "i hate you, my beautiful, perfect girl..."

author's note: in no way is this post meant to romanticise toxic relationships. xoxo.

#rory culkin #rory culkin smut #euronymous #lords of chaos #oystein aarseth #smut #euronymous smut #ultraviolence #ultraviolence album #ultraviolence lana del rey #ultraviolence aesthetic #ultraviolence era #ultraviolence vibes #lizzy grant #lana del ray aka lizzy grant #lana del rey #lana del ray aesthetic #444rockstargf

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honeybeefae · 1 year

Text

A Court of Wings & Fire: Chapter Three

Summary//

Eris had control of everything in his life. The war was over, he was planning to take the Autumn throne, and nothing was left to surprise him…until he met you. A mating bond with an Illyrian was like a spit in his face and neither of you could understand why fate had put you together. You both swore off relations to each other, refusing to even be in the same court, but you should have known that fate is not to be tested.

(ITS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING BUT I AM BACK BABY! I really really hope you guys are still reading and excited and love this! I missed writing for you guys and I'm so happy to be back!!)

((This is the dress I had in my mind but if you like something different, that's okay!!)

/ Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Four / Chapter Five

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since your world had gone to shit. Three weeks of anger, bitterness, grief, and hundreds of other emotions that could all be summed up with one word. Hatred.

You hated him, hated the bond, hated everything. It showed in your face, your voice, hell you were half convinced you could taste it. Rhysand had assured you that Eris would have broken the bond but yet you could still feel it deep inside. It was keeping you up at night with worry.

And if that weren’t enough, it seemed like everyone around you treated you as if you were infected with plague. The topic of what happened that night had not been brought up whatsoever but the tension was hanging thick in the air. Sometimes it seemed as if they were avoiding you altogether, specifically Mor, and it made your hatred grow.

He had ruined your life.

If you knew how to break the bond you would have that night, that moment, but you had no clue. The books in the library didn’t give you any clear answers and you were too afraid of Amren to go to her. You had considered asking Rhys but he was busy with Feyre, Briallyn, and Nesta so you didn’t want to bother him with this more than it already was.

For now, it seemed you just had to grin and bear it. Faking your smiles and conversations while slowly dying inside.

Training was the only time you felt you could truly let out your frustrations. Your knuckles were red and blistered, muscles sore for how often you were up on the training grounds. Today was no different as you stood before one of the punching bags, dawning only a sports bra and shorts, and beating the hell out of it.

The sun warmed your skin and wings as you threw punch after punch, feeling the eyes of two people on your back that you were sure belonged to Cass and Az. You would’ve thought by now that you wouldn’t have more anger left to give but as you stood there, picturing his face and the way he had stared at you in disgust, it only seemed to increase.

Your mind began to race over the encounter again as you replayed his snarl, the way his mouth twisted down, and his eyes raking over your body like you were the bane of his existence. The bag didn’t even have enough time to reset as you used every muscle in your body to strike it.

His amber eyes appeared in your mind as you closed your eyes, chest heaving and sweat dripping down your neck. It was like he was watching you now and you swore you could feel something down the bond but you closed it off, curling your fist and raising it to hit the bag once more only to be met with a solid object.

Cassian was looking down at you with sympathy, your fist caught in his much larger hand before he let go. “Before you completely obliterate the rest of the training grounds, I suggest you go ahead and get ready.”

“Ready for what?” You ask out of breath, nodding towards Azriel as he handed you a cup of water.

“Hewn City. Two hours.” Azriel replied, his arms crossed over his chest. “We have a meeting with Eris.”

Even the sound of his name made you grimace. You stood straighter, lips turned down into a large frown. “Do I have to go?” You asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

They both nodded solemnly, pity in their eyes. You hated it. You didn’t want their pity or to be treated like some broken doll. If anyone would ask you that, they would know. You just desperately wanted things to go back to normal.

“We will be by your side the entire night,” Cassian assured, clapping your shoulder with his hand. “This meeting is going to be attended by everyone. We want to know what his game is, why the bond isn’t broken yet.”

“You and me both.” You said snarky, finishing the rest of your drink before making your way to the doors. They fell in line beside you, their presence comforting. “And he agreed to come?”

“Rhys said that he was ‘very eager’ to see us, and you, again. I have no idea what that could mean but something does not feel right to me.” Azriel noted, holding the door open for you. “I know Eris and what he is capable of. There has to be another reason for this.”

“Well,” You sigh, finding your bedroom door and opening it. “Just make sure there is lots of wine tonight. I don’t think I will be able to get through this without it.”

Cassian grinned and Azriel gave a small smile. “We’ll take you out to Rita’s tonight to make you truly forget about this.” Cass promised, crossing his fingers over his heart. You chuckled and sent them on their way, shutting the door behind you and leaning back on it as you took some deep breaths.

Dread was heavy in your stomach as you collected your thoughts. What if he was planning something tonight? You knew your friends had assured you that they would be by your side but you still didn’t fully trust that Eris wouldn’t try to kill you the moment they were distracted.

You also knew if you dwelled on the what-ifs you would go mad so you decided to get ready, bathing yourself and making sure you were “Court of Nightmares” potential. Seeing Eris was already going to be hell, you might as well look good to boost your confidence.

The dresses you had were custom-made for your body and wings, a perk of being in the Rhys’s inner circle, while also being designed with your taste in mind. Tonight’s dress was no different. It was a dark green, almost black, with a halter collar that cut out around your shoulders and also completely backless.

Small, golden beads made an intricate design around your breasts and neck while the rest of the gown flowed softly down your legs with a slit that ended right at the top of your leg. It was one of your favorites, allowing you plenty of movement. It was also the perfect dress to conceal weapons with as you strapped your dagger sheath around your thigh, tucking your trusty knife inside.

For a brief moment you pictured Eris standing behind you, his hand on your waist and those damned eyes admiring your outfit with a smirk. You scowled at your reflection before turning away to grab some heels, knowing it was the bond making you envision things you didn’t want. It was pretty good at tricking your brain so you were hopeful tonight would go the way you needed it to.

As you slid on your shoes and went to a different mirror to finish applying your rouge and lipstick, you felt a small tug deep within you. It made you smear the corner of your lip from surprise.

“Fucking hell.” You grimaced, ignoring it as it tugged a second time.

Eris seemed to be testing if you would respond but you refused. You would not be giving him any satisfaction for this sadistic dance he seemed to want to draw out. Tonight was to be the end of it.

This story had one chapter, one page, and the happy ending of never seeing each other again.

-------------------------------

All eyes seemed to be on you when the eight of you strolled into the throne room of the Court of Nightmares. The bond was still a secret as far as you knew but the way they were looking at you made your skin crawl. You passed the tables piled high with food as well as the quartet while keeping your eyes out for a certain redhead, taking your position beside Cassian and Azriel.

He was nowhere to be seen and while that made you more unsettled, you decided to turn your attention to your High Lord and High Lady as they put on their masks. You bowed with everyone else, though you and your friends were the only people in the room who truly meant the respect that came with it.

You looked up and saw Keir approach the throne, trying not to look at Feyre and addressing Rhysand instead. Mor smirked as Rhysand corrected him, putting him in his place in front of everyone, which made you smile. The bastard truly deserved it.

“Look alive.” Cassian whispered beside you as the feast began, sending you a friendly wink as he went to his post. You nodded and looked at Rhys briefly, feeling safer that his eyes were on you as you made your way around the room.

While you were by yourself you knew your friends were keeping attention on you subtly. It would definitely rouse suspicion if you suddenly had two of Rhysand’s best soldiers guarding you so you had to keep it lowkey.

The crowd naturally parted for you as you headed towards the back, your face stoic. Some of the males stared in awe at a grown female Illyrian with wings, others disgusted. Almost all of the women sneered at you. However, you knew all of them thought themselves better than you.

Their opinions of you did not keep you up at night. You knew how bitter and miserable they were, how the game worked down here, and if you were honest, you pitied them most of the time. They would always be stuck here, playing the same old game for the same old prizes that would only get them a vague understanding of freedom and power.

Eris was still yet to be seen and you felt yourself relax after about an hour. It would seem he either was waiting in one of the rooms or had bailed completely. Either way, it delayed your meeting as Rhys and Feyre dealt with small court troubles that Keir was rambling about.

Mor and Cassian were discussing something over goblets of wine, the latter’s eyes straying to the oldest Archeron sister several times. To your surprise she also was watching him just as much, her cheeks lightly flushed if they caught each other’s gaze.

Interesting.

You looked for Azriel but he was nowhere in sight, though knowing him, he was probably lurking in the shadows. As you rounded around the table closest to the hallway, your eyes flickering upwards to admire the chandeliers for a brief moment, you felt a large hand wrap around your mouth and an arm around your waist.

They immediately pulled you into the hallway and inside a small room, their grip tight against your skin as you thrashed, kicked, and finally bit down on the hand covering your mouth.

“Fuck!” Eris hissed in pain, pushing you away from him. “What the hell is wrong with you? Who bites someone?”

He was disheveled from your fight, his shirt wrinkled and hair tousled. However, his face was still the same. It still held all the disdain in the world for you, you could see it in his eyes.

“Someone who is being kidnapped.” You snap back, fixing your dress and standing as tall as you could. “I will slice you into a hundred tiny pieces and feed you to the dogs if you do not let me out of this room.”

“Going straight to threats again are we?” He raised a brow, looking you up and down. “I forget that your kind only communicates in violence and grunts. Shall I draw on the walls so you can understand what I’m saying?”

Before he could revel in his comeback, you had unsheathed your knife and shoved him against the door. The knife was cool against his throat, and your bodies pressed against one another as you stared at him with all the anger and hatred you had been swimming in for the last three weeks.

“I will only warn you once.” You say lowly, gaze locked onto his. “If you say anything against my kind, my people, one more time, I will not hesitate to kill you in every way that I know how. Consequences be damned.”

His pupils were wide as you curled your upper lip, pressing the tip of the blade into his pulse point. “Do you understand?”

There was a beat of silence, of tension, as you both shared the same breath before he held his hands up in surrender and nodded. You held him there for a second longer before stepping back and allowing him to fix his suit.

“My apologies…”

Eris looked at you expectedly, his hand waving in front of him as he waited for something. When you only stared at him, he rolled his eyes. “Your name.”

“What?”

“What is your name?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, wondering if you should give it to him. He was sure to find out if you didn’t tell him so there shouldn’t be any true harm in it.

“Y/N.” You responded quietly.

“Y/N.” Eris repeated, testing it on his tongue. Your fingertips squeezed the upper muscles of your arms when you heard how he said your name. It made something flutter deep inside you but you drowned it as fast as you could. Damn bond.

“My apologies, Y/N.” He continued, rolling up the cuffs on his sleeves. “For both the words and the ‘kidnapping’, if that’s what you want to call it.”

“That is what I will call it because that’s what it is.” You snark, frowning. “Would you rather me call killing you ‘expediting your trip to the Mother’?”

He couldn’t stop the genuine smile on his face at how quick-witted you were. “I suppose not.”

“Enough talk. Let me out this instant. My friends are sure to be looking for me.” You stated, going to walk around him until he shot his arm out and blocked your path. His face was dangerously close to yours as you turned your head, having to look slightly upwards in order to meet his eyes.

“Move. Your. Arm.” You seethe, growing annoyed by how much enjoyment he seemed to be getting out of riling you up.

“I wanted to talk to you before the meeting.” Eris explained, briefly looking at your wings before back to your face.

“What could you possibly have to say to me?” You argue, stepping back and away from him. “Because I have nothing to say to you. Nothing except to break the damn bond.”

“And why haven’t you?” He asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Do you not think I have tried?” The words shot out of your mouth like poison. “I have no idea what to do or how to do it. Believe me when I say that if I knew how it would have been done the moment it happened.”

Eris hummed and it only infuriated you more. He was treating you like you were dumb, like a child trying to play chess. His arrogance was seeping through every pore of his body.

“And since you do know, why haven’t you?” You question, pointing your finger at his chest. “You don’t want this. I don’t want this. Break it.”

“It is much more complicated than that, Y/N.” He answered with a sigh, gesturing for you to take a seat. However you didn’t trust him, didn’t know if there was someone lurking behind you, so you remained standing. Eris studied you for a second before rolling his eyes and sitting down in the chair closest to him.

“I’m not going to harm you-”

“I will remain standing, thank you.” You cut him off. “Explain yourself or I am leaving.”

“When a bond is severed, it is traumatic for both parties involved regardless if the bond is wanted or not.” Eris began, gesturing between the two of you. “Not only is it painful emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. We will both be sick, tired, feeling as if we had just been through a war.”

You looked down at your feet, mulling over his words. It didn’t register in your brain that it could be that painful. You thought it was as simple as wishful thinking.

“And I’m not saying this out of concern for your well-being, but for mine.” He added, ignoring your scoff. “If my father sees me like that he will know something has happened, that something is off. He will go snooping and if he finds out I am mated, especially to someone like…”

He trailed off as you narrowed your eyes, daring him to say something. Eris raised his hands up in an innocent gesture again.

“I will not restate my feelings for your…people,” He said the last word painfully, and your fist curled up at your side. “But if you think I do not like you, you have not met my father.”

“So it is for my well-being?” You counter with a smirk, letting your wings open just a tad. “You just said that your father was worse than you when it comes to my kind and if you think he will be hard on me-”

“Do not assume that is what I meant.” He snapped, eyebrows furrowed. “I have no care for what happens to you. I care more about the ant underneath my feet than I do for you or this court. However, even being mated to you will have my father’s anger turned to me.”

Your smirk fell as he stood, irritation growing in his voice. “If he finds out who I am mated to not only will he see me as less than he already does, he will know I have been spending time in the Night Court. It would ruin the entire plan and I will not have it jeopardized because the Mother, for whatever reasons, thinks we would be a good match.”

“So what is it that you are proposing here, Eris?” You question, taking a step closer to him. “To keep the bond? To remain mates and forever?”

“Just until the war is over, until I can take the throne and finally end his tyrant ways once and for all.” He corrected, watching you closely. “So as unfortunate as this situation is, and as much as I hate you, this is what has to be done.”

“And what if I refuse? Why should I care what happens to you at the hands of your father?”

“Because if I am killed, he remains in power. That means his alliance with Briallyn stays. They take over once more and kill everyone you love, and you are left with the guilt and regret for letting your stubbornness get in the way.” Eris ranted, stepping closer to you until you were toe to toe.

“I hate you.” You cursed through your teeth. “I hate you, I hate this situation, I hate everything about this.”

“And that is fine. I think the only mutual feeling we share is hatred and if we can work together on this one simple task, we can end this in a few short months and forget all about each other.” He assured, his hand flexing in his pocket as your scent wrapped around him. “But, for now, we must endure this together.”

“Why did you want to talk to me alone before the meeting?” You murmured, the proximity getting to your head. “You know I have no secrets with my High Lord.”

“Of course, you don’t. You are all oh so loyal to him.” He chuckled without humor. “I approached you first because if you come at my solution with a level head around the others, it might make them more willing to understand. I knew you would react poorly to my news so I planned accordingly.”

You looked into his amber eyes, the same ones that had been haunting you since the bond snapped, before over his shoulder at the door. Rhysand and the rest of your friends were looking for you by now, already suspecting Eris. This needed to be wrapped up.

“So keep the bond connected until the end of the war, or your father's fall, whichever comes first. You give me your word?” You ask while brushing past him, ignoring the way your skin seemed to burn at the part where your arms touched.

“Yes.” Eris responded swiftly, his gaze giving away nothing.

As you reached for the door handle you felt his stare on your back, on your wings, and you found yourself slightly turning around and asking, “Is there any way this could go wrong? Could fail? This bond will not strengthen, right?”

He snorted, actually snorted, and shook his head as he looked down at you. Whatever feelings might have just sparked between you from the touch and stares were now washed away with anger as he stared at you with disdain and distaste.

“As long as we steer clear of each other and harbor no romantic or sexual feelings towards each other, it will remain as it is now.” He explained, tugging on the bond which made you involuntarily place a hand over your heart. “That is the most you will be able to feel.”

You nodded, not catching the way he glanced down at your breasts where your hand lay, and opened the door. “Stay as far away from me as you can and you have a deal.”

He hummed and straightened himself out, watching as you left through the door and replying, “That should be easy enough.”

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