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tommybaholland · 3 years

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Hiya! I was wondering if I could request a one-shot with Sugawara where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe another person catches his attention and the reader starts to distance themselves from Suga to try to spare themselves the hurt? Then maybe turns out the other person was just using Suga/wasn’t serious bout him and he realizes that the person he really loves is the reader but now they’re staying away from him and just angst and fluff and dramatic confessions?? Sorry if it’s far too much detail, I get carried away. Your writing is amazing, keep up the fantastic work!

somebody, some body

featuring: sugawara

goddddd i’m so sorry i am late with a post AGAIN. this has been way overdue to be posted actually, and last night i finished it and was almost done with editing but accidentally lost everything i added and edited in the draft :// so thank you for being patient with me! this ended up being pretty long, so hopefully that makes up for the wait :) anyway, i really liked this idea! i have a little personal experience with this kind of situation, so it was fun to explore those feelings a bit. thanks for requesting and enjoy!

you didn’t always know that you would be in love with koshi sugawara. your dynamic was always friendly, and nothing more. so where did you go wrong?

when you think back to your history with suga, you could never find yourself resenting any time you spent with him. it all started when you moved into his neighborhood and as a shy child, you didn’t have the easiest time making friends. but he was a kind boy who was around your age and made it easy for you to form a bond with him. after all those years, neither one of you had changed that much. you were still reserved at heart but, he was the one who pushed you to things that you both could enjoy.

one is joining the high school volleyball club together. you weren’t usually one to go outside of your comfort zone, but with him, you felt like you could do anything. he had you fuel your enthusiasm and you had him to thank for that. volleyball ended up being a great idea because it was quite a versatile sport that anyone could play. you found that you were quite athletic and took a liking to the libero position. there was just something exciting about digging a ball off the ground and rolling on the floor to get back up again. also, it looked pretty cool.

so that was great until you hurt your shoulder during a game, which ended up being more severe than it seemed. now you couldn’t lift your left arm very far over your head unless you wanted to dislocate your shoulder again. it was already a tough recovery period because all you wanted to do was get back to the game.

he was there with you for the entirety of it and even though he mostly encouraged you, he had to make sure you knew you wouldn’t do anything to hurt yourself. you felt helpless. it was the lowest he had ever seen you and he did everything he could to lift you back up again.

that was something you could never take for granted with him.

the thing about you and suga is that you were in constant contact, especially during school. if it wasn’t sending each other funny memes or tiktoks, you were either on snapchat with each other or texting. sometimes simultaneously.

are you alive??

yeah i’m awake, unfortunately

what do u want sugar-wara

whoa how are you up this early lol and sugar is my thing ok

let’s go get sweet buns before class

ur right, it is ur thing. ur sugar-wara

okay i’ll meet you by the light in 15

there was a lonely intersection in your neighborhood with a red stoplight that seems to have malfunctioned and now the light never stops blinking. you and suga lived on the same street, with the intersection being a perfect place to literally meet in the middle.

“hey, sugar-- uh oh. someone doesn’t look so sweet today!”

he was always so peppy in the mornings.

“yeah, well, maybe if someone didn’t wake me up with their annoying texts..”

“if you really don’t want to be woken up, you’d put your phone on do not disturb. you can thank me later for being your alarm clock.”

he gave you a bright smile and a few head pats before you set off down the road to your favorite bakery which happened to be on the way to school. you didn’t go every morning, but most days it was necessary for you to start your day off right.

“how’s the team looking this year, mr. vice captain?”

“pretty good, actually! four first years joined the team and one of them’s over six feet tall. our blocks will be unstoppable!”

there were several things you loved about suga but, if there was one thing you enjoyed most, it was hearing him get psyched about volleyball. even though you couldn’t play anymore, his undying enthusiasm for the sport made you feel like you were living through him vicariously.

“and there’s one who’s on the shorter side, only a little taller than noya. but he seems to have so much energy and drive, it’s just-- i don’t know, i have a feeling we could actually make it to nationals this year.”

“wow, that’s great!”

“you should come to practice and see them! also we just got asahi back so i need to make sure my sets really land.”

“kou, you know i love watching you guys but isn’t that what kiyoko’s there for?”

“well, yeah, but you know how i play best!”

“yeah, sure. it’s not like i have anything better to do.”

“you never let me down!”

his smile never let you down.

it was your senior year of high school and it felt like things were going to be nothing but great.

“so...speaking of you knowing me best,” he started rather hesitantly.

“what would you do if i...made you dinner?”

“i...what?”

“oh, uh, oh, no. not, like, i make you dinner but, like...rei finally agreed to come around tonight and i thought i’d make something for them.”

“oh, um,” you tried to force a smile. “yeah, i think they’d like that.”

“yeah? you don’t think it’s too cheesy or anything? we haven’t hung out very much but i’d thought it would be a nice way to show them that i mean what i feel, you know?”

“yeah, yeah! that sounds perfect, kou..”

if only they knew that they were so lucky.

you knew about this person, rei. they were your teammate and even a friend at one time. they transferred to karasuno during your second year and you bonded over your shared interest of the libero position. they didn’t get to play much that season until you got injured and had to quit playing.

to see them fill that position so easily, it made you feel so type of way. a way that suga couldn’t know because even though he was there for you, he couldn’t deny his feelings. you remember when he told you that he liked them. about how he’s liked them ever since they came to karasuno and about how he was nervous to talk to them.

and guess what?

you encouraged him. you encouraged him to try to pursue someone who you knew and liked, so now you had to hide that you were envious of both their position on the team AND the fact that your best friend is in love with them.

at first, you tried to look at it as a positive point. you were still friendly with them, but volleyball was the only thing that connected you so you didn’t talk to them that much anymore. but now that suga, the person you’re closest to, was talking to them, it opened up the possibility that you would be able to reconnect with them. you had to be supportive. you were his friend, his closest friend, after all.

the next morning you didn’t wake up from a text from suga. no, it took several snooze buttons to wake you up, which already put you in a bad mood.

it’s ur turn now. are u alive??

i actually woke up to my alarms, how weird. u must be dead lol

also have you done the english assignment yet? i need serious help >_<

you weren’t afraid to double, triple, even quadruple text him because more often than not, he did that to you. sometimes he’d even send longish paragraphs as he did later that day when classes had already started.

hey sorry today has just been filled with fun and thriving and good stuff! rei asked me if i wanted to meet up with them before school last night and they made me some sweet buns and they were soooo good. i think we’re going to eat lunch together with some of their friends from vbc. ugh english sucks for me too. idk why you think i’m good at it

you almost jumped at the gesture to reply. it was never this long that he would go without text you at least one dumb thing.

haha it’s okay don’t be sorry! so i guess last night went well?

also ur great at english sugar-wara what r u talking about??

it surprised you how quickly they seemed to become so friendly. it was kinda weird that he would already be spending a lot of time with her and now meeting all her friends. he probably already knew of them though, with volleyball and everything. the thoughts of how long you would have to wait for a reply crept in your mind, but that was quickly erased by an elapsed period of only a few minutes.

yeah it went great! they had never had someone cook for them before, so they really liked it. this morning they told me they’d show me how to make fried eggs bc i said i dont know how to use a stove lol

wait you made a whole meal for this person and u don’t know how to use the stove??

i used a crockpot and microwave ok :// don’t make fun of me dingus

well a stove would definitely broaden ur horizons lmao that’s nice it went well though

thank you i hope its going well

that conversation was truly the end of the beginning.

Every day after that seemed to happen the same way. you’d wake up, no text from suga. he hadn’t even replied to what you last said the previous night. you didn’t see him much either, but you knew who he was with probably. you would still stop by at volleyball practice where you did get to see him but they were there also. so you found yourself dipping out a lot more.

it just felt weird. seeing him talk to someone he didn’t even know before. they didn’t even know him. even when you two were on the team together, they never once showed much interest in him and now it just seemed strange that they would.

the transition was particularly difficult for you, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. one night you were so overwhelmed with work because you had waited too long to do it. frantically texting suga was an understatement.

you knew you couldn’t put all your reliance on him but it was weird that he wasn’t replying on a school night as he was just as much a procrastinator as you. you dragged yourself through the night, trying to put together a somewhat coherent speech for english the next day. which, again, started as it had for the past few weeks. you still hadn’t heard from him, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. by the time he replied, it was almost embarrassing on your part.

oh my god y/n i’m so sorry i didn’t reply sooner. i tried to get all my work done early so i could hang out with rei last night and i was asking my mom for advice and she told me to just pay attention to them as much as possible so i just wanted to be with them, you know? but i really hope you didn’t beat yourself up too much about it and that you got at least a little sleep. i’m sure your speech went well :)

you sounded desperate for his help and meanwhile, he’s genuinely trying to show someone how much they mean to him. could you look any more stupid?

you didn’t even want to reply but you felt like you had to.

no don’t be sorry koshi! if anything i’m sorry i was just super frustrated in the moment and didn’t know what to do. i managed to pull something halfway decent together i think so it’s all okay now

was it okay though?

that was when you realized that things would never be the same. you’re his best friend and that’s simply it. you mean something to him, but not the same something that they mean to him. you couldn’t go to him when you help because then you’d be taking his time away from someone who wanted to feel that special meaning. it was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. but there were still several questions that lingered in the potential of what your relationship could be.

isn’t it possible to be both a best friend and a partner at the same time? you didn’t see any problem with it, so why couldn’t it be true?

two weeks past and suga, your best friend, decided to let you in on some news.

going up against all these powerhouse schools is definitely tough but it’ll help our team in the long run. we’re really amped to play seijoh soon but also i have an s/o now who can come and cheer us on

WAIT you guys made it official?? when?

haha we’ve been official for like two weeks now

oh well that’s great!

(what the actual hell.)

months went by and you saw suga maybe two or three times. and only saw him, usually with the rest of the volleyball team or with rei and their friends. you texted now and then but it wasn’t the same. you had to accept that it wouldn’t be the same, so you did. you had a good group of friends who you spent more of your time with, as well as trying to focus as much as possible on school. entrance exams were coming up and you couldn’t let this be your downfall, even though you and suga had previously talked about possibly going to the same college together. but that wasn’t important anymore.

you had your priorities and suga had his.

which was the biggest reason why you decided not to go to the game against aoba johsai. you told him that you would try to make it, if schoolwork and college prep courses would lend you the chance. you were just trying to focus on yourself and work hard in on your own. you still texted him just to show that you still cared.

sorry i couldn’t make it to the game! how did it go?

we lost :’(( we were so close too

oh no :( i’m sorry kou. but i know you guys will get them next time!

he never replied, which only made you want to grow further from him.

summer vacation rolled around and it was about a month out from suga’s birthday. a strange text appeared from someone you didn’t expect.

Hey so I wanted to get manga for suga for his bday but I cannot for the life of me remember which ones he has so can you try to casually ask him which ones he has? like the next time you guys talk about manga or something?

you felt weird that they were asking for your help, considering that they now spent more time with him than you did. but you weren’t going to completely ignore them either.

to be honest we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i’ll try to subtly ask him

Okay awesome thanks!

what were you thinking of getting him?

Deathnote lol nothing original

hmm maybe the new aot volume?

Yeah, that’s a good one. Or maybe BNHA

yeah that too! do you still want me to ask him?

Yeah could you?

yeah sure!

Yay thanks!

okay i’ll let you know what i find out

going through with this was even worse. if it were you, you’d take him to see his favorite artist in concert. he wasn’t never much of a concert guy but he would talk about how badly he wanted to go see them live. or a more lowkey and personal option would be to customize a crewneck for him. you had a knack for designing and decorating plain-looking clothes and he would try to do it himself but would always remark how much better yours always turned out.

but this time you’re simply the messenger and wouldn’t get that chance to get him something you know he’d love. not that he wouldn’t like manga, but it just seemed like they weren’t putting a ton of thought into it. maybe you couldn’t blame them though, it had only been a few months that they had been dating.

that conversation honestly seemed more out-of-the-blue than anything, but you were hoping that suga would be as oblivious as ever. it didn’t even matter in the end because he never even answered your subtle way of asking. you didn’t feel like double texting because a.) you hadn’t done that in months and b.) it seemed too obvious.

in the end, you did all that you could do and told rei that you had no information to provide, even after a week had passed. that was your, now monthly, interaction with suga that month.

but it wasn’t like you weren’t thinking about him.

your interactions moved from text to strictly snapchat, where you would hold streaks for considerable amounts of time. but every time you seemed to break contact with him, you found yourself blaming them. but you couldn’t blame them. they were with him, dating him. they had a right to claim a spot by his side. you had learned to pull back and just live your life.

but life didn’t want you to have a great time either. albeit through a simple app like snapchat, he was the one asking you if you were okay. at this point, you would probably just deflect but somehow, you found yourself telling him about how you didn’t do so well on your entrance exams, despite having done what you could to prepare for them. you just thought you were so focused to do well, but maybe it was too much focus. you told him it would be alright. another notification came through.

snapchat from sugar wara

you opened it to a selfie of him, one that was angled upwards to position him looking right up into the camera, his wide hazel eyes being the centerpiece of the photo. the caption simply said, “promise?”

and that was when it happened. you felt something different in your heart like it was knocked around in your chest. you smiled at the simple response and replied, “yeah i promise!!”

it felt strange, but you finally admitted it,

you were in love with koshi sugawara.

timing was, without a doubt, a demise in all of your previous relationship endeavors. you could never seem to get that part right, also coming in too fast or not knowing if you should wait. you had only hoped that someone you liked would like you just as much. so catching feelings for someone, strong feelings at that, was not part of your current life plans. let alone with suga, someone you were, at one point, extremely close to.

you know so much about him and what scared you was that your confession would be the only one that could mess up whatever relationship you had left with him. why couldn’t you just enjoy where you stood with him? why should your selfish feeling have to get in the way?

stupid was an understatement as you how you felt. he was still dating rei, and that didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. you didn’t know what to do or how to cope. you can fight your feelings, but they can’t change right away. and for as long as you’ve known suga, the history you’ve shared with him, it seemed like these feelings weren’t leaving anytime soon.

you spent the next couple of weeks trying to get everything out, while simultaneously trying to forget. you vented about it to your friends and while most of them offered advice, you stuck with just remaining stagnant. one of them suggested that you confess to him but that was what you feared most: that your feeling would become so overwhelming that you had to do something impulsive to relieve them. he would probably never talk to you again. there was nothing you could do. he was in a relationship with someone he really likes. why would you try to ruin that for him?

you didn’t go to any of the preliminaries, mostly because of prep courses and trying to prepare for the next round of entrance exams. you still kept up with suga and saw that they won in the game against seijoh and we now going to the finals against shiratorizawa. you swiped up on his story and typed a simple, “omg that's amazing!! see I knew you guys could do it.” you continue to scroll through your phone, not thinking that much about it until a notification popped up.

sugar wara is typing…

snapchat from sugar wara

yeah it was great! Wish you could have been here though :(

me too! college prep courses seem to have been taking up all my time :P

is there any chance that you could try to find time to come to finals?

we've been trying to get all the support that we can

plus it would be nice to see a familiar face there :)

yeah i'll see what i can do to try to be there!

wymd a familiar face? hasn't rei been going to the prelims?

they have been but we actually broke up about two weeks ago

i sort of initiated it but i promise it's okay

your eyes almost fell out of your head when you read that 2 weeks ago you were talking about how you were in love with him and were and decided to accept that it wasn't going to happen. now you're hearing that at the same time they had broken up? It seemed odd and... bittersweet.

oh no i'm sorry kou :(

you bit your lip as you couldn't help but ask.

wdym you initiated it tho?

so kageyama has been killing it as our setter especially with his quick attack move with hinata

rei was worried that i wasn't being treated fairly bc i'm a senior and vice-captain and all that. i tried to reassure them that i just want to see our team thrive and go to nationals but they still were worried about it and would talk about how they would go to games and never see me play once

it's been hard especially that it happened right before the seijoh game and now before finals

yeah i'm sure it's been difficult

but don't beat yourself don't blame yourself so much! the team needs your support just as much as it needs players. nobody could replace that :)

thanks y/n :) i appreciate you so much

although you thought you would be happy, you can’t help but still feel weird about this whole thing. you felt like the ball was in your court but your bum arm couldn’t receive it properly. your feelings for him had been strong and you felt like you had to pack them all the way so now it just felt wrong to let them flow out again. but now that there was no conflict of interest, did you have to hide your feelings?

it was more complicated than it was before. you didn't know how anything was going to play out at all and that kinda scared you. you did know one thing though, and that was how to be a loyal friend to suga because that's all you ever were from the start and that's what you could and would be for the future.

it was the friday before the finals game.

you decided to stay late after school to maximize your focus on studying. it seemed to have worked because the sun was going down before you knew it. you wanted to get ahead on work so you could go to the game tomorrow. you and suga had been talking more recently and while it wasn’t as much as it used to be, it was more than it had been in the past several months.

you quickly gathered up your things and left school for the night. the pretty orange and pink sky lit your way home through the quiet town and into the residential parts. at that point, the dark had met and light and-

“y/n! hey, wait!”

you turned to see none other than suga, jogging up behind you to catch up. you smiled at his sudden presence, looking past him to see the small group of the rest of the team.

“hey! funny seeing you here.”

“yeah, haha,” he chuckled, catching his breath from suddenly running a considerable distance. “are you going home?”

“yeah.”

“can i walk with you?”

“of course.”

great! so i’m guessing you stayed late at school? you’re still wearing your uniform.”

“oh, yeah,” you affirmed, looking down at your monotonous outfit. “i just wanted to be all caught up on work and studying so i could go to the game tomorrow.”

“oh, yeah? that’s good to hear! yeah, we were-- we just had a late practice. coach left before us but we wanted to stay a little longer.”

“i hope you guys win tomorrow, it seems like you’ve been working really hard.”

“yeah, i hope so too. we’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time, it just feels like we can’t stop now.”

you nodded in agreement. there was a beat of silence just then, and while it wasn’t awkward, it felt like something was lingering in the air.

“so, um,” he spoke up after several seconds. his eyes met yours and you felt that pang in your chest again, quickly looking away. “it’s been a while, huh?”

“yeah. yeah, it has, i guess,” you laughed lightly. you reached the intersection with the never-ending blinking stoplight and you turned around to face him.

“but i guess i’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“yeah. yeah!”

“okay, get some sleep. goodnight.”

he nodded and you grinned at him before turning around to walk the rest of the way home until his voice stopped you again.

“hey, y/n?”

“yeah, kou?”

he looked down and all around, anywhere but your face.

“i, um, i know things have been kinda weird between for a while but it’s made me realize that i missed you, a lot.”

“yeah, i missed you, too.”

“but it’s also made me realize that i enjoy spending time with you and talking to you. like, even now, just talking to you makes me feel-- i don’t know. it makes me feel at ease like i’m home. and i’d really like to spend more time with you because i, um, i really like you.”

“you, you what?”

“i really like you, sugar.”

in all the ways you had imagined this happening, you never thought that you would feel your face fall to a frown, your heart beating in your ears. something just didn’t sit right with you about it.

“i, i, i don’t know what to say...”

“it’s okay if you don’t! i just wanted to tell you.”

“but why are you telling me this now?”

“do you-- do you not feel the same?”

“no. no! i’ve been wanting to hear you say something like that for so long, it’s just. you broke up with rei not too long ago and-- i don’t know. something isn’t right about it.” you shook your head, unsure of what you were trying to say.

“it’s how i feel,” he shrugged. “i just wanted to tell you and have a good feeling to hold onto to make tomorrow a little easier.”

you looked at him in disbelief.

“oh, so you think you can confess all that to me right before this big game and that i’ll automatically reciprocate those feelings when you just broke up with someone not even a month ago? i’m not a second choice--”

“no, sugar, listen, that’s not how i meant it at all--”

“no sugawara.” those words made him go quiet instantly. you never used his full name, there was always some sort of play on it, so this was serious.

“maybe that’s not how you meant it, but that’s how i’m taking it. i’ve been wanting to tell you for so long how i felt but i wanted to respect your feelings so i didn’t. so please, respect mine. i’m not the good luck charm that you can just confess to and expect that it’ll all be okay. this just isn’t right. i’m sorry, koshi.

your voice broke as his name left your lips, tears beginning to fall. you didn’t even give him a chance to respond, a rush of adrenaline telling you to quickly turn and get out of there.

you didn’t get much sleep that night.

it was hard not to think about your conflicted feelings over suga’s confession. you had hoped for that moment for a long time but the timing simply wasn’t right. how funny and ironic is that? you thought your timing was off. maybe you were meant for each other in that way. you couldn’t help but let your feelings get the best of you and you were beginning to become what you feared most from him. you thought he would immediately reject you and make you feel bad about ever saying anything about how you felt. but the roles are reversed and that was the part that blindsided you the most.

you didn’t think that how you reacted was wrong but you also couldn’t imagine how he was feeling right now. he just wanted to feel good right before a big game but that backfired right in his face. some might call it karma, but part of you thought he didn’t deserve it.

the pressure was setting in as the game went into the fifth and final set. what made it worse was kageyama wouldn’t be starting that set, his nose bleeding from the spike he took to the face. suga was genuinely thrilled to be a teacher, a mentor, and a support system for his fellow teammates. he didn’t mind that another, rather talented, setter had joined the team because that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about passing the position over to someone who he thought didn’t deserve it.

he almost forgot he was actually a player on the team when everyone looked to him to fill in. this was his moment and it just happened to be at the most overwhelming part of this game. Both teams were tired while simultaneously running on pure adrenaline to see who was going to come out on top.

suga had an opportunity, not only to start the set but be the trailblazer for their success.

the nerves set in as he held up the paddle with the number nine on it, kageyama holding it up with him for a moment. It was symbolic in a way. suga always thought he’d be passing the baton to him, his successor as karasuno’s official setter, but this felt just as sentimental. Suga hadn’t played much this season but he got to watch the team grow into something that it once was: something great. They’ve had their share of loss and strife but it finally seemed like they had come so far and the only direction they can go is up.

the nerves set in as he looked around, anywhere to ease them. His eyes automatically went to the team banner, black with the simple word ‘fly’ written over it, where all the school and their supporters were watching. he went down the line quickly but the wave of a hand caught his eye. his eyes shifted back and felt that familiar grin on him.

it was you.

“c’mon suga! You can do it!”

and so he did.

once the final ball hit the ground, the room was quiet with shock. it had been tight for most of the game but no one really expected this outcome. they were going to nationals. daichi, suga, and asahi embraced, taking in the satisfying feeling of victory.

after the awards ceremony, you were buzzing with excitement for them, trying to calmly follow the rest of the crowd out of the gym. you could tell they were somewhere along the hallway as another crowd formed to congratulate the winning team. you weaved in and out of it, even getting on your toes to see if you could spot a familiar head of gray hair.

you finally caught a glance at him from afar, his smile growing as his eyes locked onto yours.

“y/n!”

you mimicked his expression and found your feet moving quicker than your brain could process. he put in the same amount of haste to meet you in the middle. you both stopped at about an arm’s length away from each other. his flushed cheeks and slightly red but glistening eyes held your smile as you decided to speak first.

“hey, kou.”

“hey, sugar.”

another minute couldn’t be wasted as you finally crashed into one another. it felt better to hold somebody that you knew and genuinely loved. you could be sure that he felt the same way as he held your body tightly against him.

heyo haikyuu night! send any requests right here..

#haikyuu x reader #sugawara x reader #sugawara oneshot #sugawara fluff #sugawara angst #tommybaholland

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lavendertwilight89 · 4 years

Text

Call you Mine

I told myself I’d do a chapter of Shelter and DDW this weekend... to be fair they each have like 12 pages but... I blame @hnnwnchstr and @superpixie42 for prompting and inspiring a fake dating fic and distracting me. Maybe I’ll make those chapters longer as compensation??

But I also needed to give @willowandfog a birthday gift anyway!

Don’t worry I still have a full running tab of every I owe bday gifts for

**cough** @keichanz @mamabearcat @thunderpot @smmahamazing

Thanks @sapphirestarxx for proofing as usual

Here it is posted to AO3

Allllllllsoooooooooo... SMUT

Tag Wall:

@dangerouspompadour @lemonlushff @willowandfog @cstormsinukagblog @littlestuffstohide @clearwillow @ruddcatha @hnnwnchstr @smmahamazing @wolverine1092 @inuyashaloverforever @xfangheartx @umacaking @bluejay785 @murdergiraffe @superpixie42 @shnuggletea @sistasecbhere @nopenname22 @mcornilliac @sapphirestarxx @fawn-eyed-girl @liz8080 @shinidamachu

He wasn't really sure what came over him. Typically he was a 'mind your business' kind of guy, let other people resolve their issues on their own.

But he honestly lost his shit when this fucking flea bag wouldn't take no for an answer. She said no thank you, that she was sorry she didn't feel that way, and even lied (which unfortunately if he smelt the lie, so did the wolf) about seeing someone else. To be fair, she tried to justify it was new and they had just met and she was uncomfortable by it all. She was smart. Crafty. And fuck, taking just a look at her face she was pretty fucking cute.

Kikyo had 'bumped' into him in line at the coffee shop and maybe he could blame that. They had just broke up; after dating all through high school and some of college, she was 'bored and wanted to explore other things.’ What she meant was, she wanted to explore other dicks. After their breakup, he saw her on accident in the library and he almost lost his shit. She had made them wait until they were in college because it was such a huge step in their relationship and then after three days of being single probably fucked the whole football team?!?

Ok, he was still angry about it. Probably wasn't a whole team, but he was still hurt.

Having her chattering his fucking ear off wasn't helping his mood either so he tuned it out only to hear the girl sitting at a two seater booth trying to keep their argument between them. She wasn't taking it lying down but she was growing anxious. If the wolf could smell it, he clearly didn't care.

"Inuyasha are you listening to me? What do you think?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, Inuyasha! Hehehe, you're so silly; I was saying we should get back together! I mean, as long as you're not seeing anyone, right? I mean, of course you're not! We love each other-- and it was a huge mistake for us to break up!"

Inuyasha did the only thing he could do; well that was a lie, he did something he had never chosen to do before. Honestly, he'd never really been in this situation before. Kikyo was his first real girlfriend. First love. First… everything. He thought that was it. Then reality struck like the cruel bitch she was and it fell apart. But he got over it. Kinda. He had a soft spot for Kikyo because she was his first everything. She hadn't been looking for love but found it. Then regretted it thinking she missed out on life. Or whatever.

But right there, in that moment he just couldn't roll over. Not without being cursed or something and thank God they were in public because otherwise she just might with what he had decided he was going to do.

He stepped up to the counter and ordered not one but two of his peppermint coffees and paid. He heard Kikyo’s excitement from behind him and almost laughed.

Almost.

Because shit was seriously about to hit the fan.

He grabbed his cups and Kikyo followed, still yammering on and on until he reached the table with the young woman who looked like she was about to start crying she was so pissed.

"Here you go, babe," Inuyasha said as charmingly as he could.

The girl jumped at his presence. Her big brown doe eyes locked with his and for the briefest moment there was confusion. Then understanding. Then a glint of mischief. Oh fuck. He already liked her.

"Thanks honey! You ready to go?" She asked leadingly.

"Yea," he said ignoring the gaping womon behind him to pick up the other woman's coat from her chair and help her put it on.

"Wa-wait! What the fuck?? You were just with her!" The wolf cried angrily.

"If you were paying attention to our conversation then you would know I never answered her. I was too busy noticing you were trying to pounce on my girl," Inuyasha growled possessively as he wrapped his arm around the girl's shoulder. Fuck. This totally wasn't him. What was wrong with him? Ugh fuck, she was probably thinking she just traded one asshole for another. Smooth. Wait-- not smooth, this wasn't a real date or anything.

When she curled herself into his side he was shocked. If he was human, he'd probably have a heart attack. Fuck, she smelled good. Like amazing. Shit, nope, he needed to focus! This was about getting her away from the wolf and steering off Kikyo’s advances.

"And he is seeing someone," the girl in his embrace directed her answer to Kikyo. "Me. You clearly didn't appreciate what you had and he moved on."

"Uh! Inuyasha!" Kikyo quivered in distress. "Can't we-- talk about this?? Alone?"

"Sorry Kikyo. I have a date."

"This is such a fucking farce! Who even the fuck are you?! You don't smell like her! She didn't even--"

"Firstly, the name is Inuyasha. Secondly, of course I don't. I respect her. She's young and I wouldn't try anything without her permission," he glowered leering at the wolf for even implying he'd fuck this beautiful creature in his arms without courting her properly first. Shit. No. This was a ruse. Fake.

"Koga, I told you I was seeing someone. It's new, and I'm sorry. I really am; I just--"

"Kagome you said you weren't looking for anything right now! Why him?? He's a fucking mutt!"

Ahhhhhhhh. How he was going to love kicking this guy’s ass.

"Shut up, Koga! Inuyasha has shown me way more respect and kindness within the first five minutes of knowing me rather than the month you have!"

That was a lie. They were likely going on minute six.

"Inuyasha! You can't be serious! She's inexperienced and with the wolf demon! Come on, all we needed was a break! I know you hate waiting for anything, baby," she said leadingly.

Honestly, he wasn't aroused by her insinuations in the slightest. He wasn't a teenager anymore. Also while Kikyo had been his first and only, the fact she dumped him to go hoe herself out only to crawl back to him was disgusting.

He understood it was likely 'just sex' and just exploration but while Inuyasha was no prize himself due to his demon heritage...still, he had some pride. Also his dog demon nature felt betrayed. Maybe if she caught him on the night of the new moon he would've taken her back. Fuck, maybe if this was done in private, but not when they were in a coffee shop with a beautiful girl being bullied into dating a mangy wolf.

"Actually, I don't mind waiting for her at all. She's rather… special," he said. And he meant it. What the fuck was wrong with his brain?

Either way, the girl called Kagome didn't flinch or change her position. If anything, and it could have just been his imagination, she sank further into his body. It took everything he had not to rumble. His inner demon wanted to fucking purr now?? He needed to talk to Miroku after this. Maybe even his asshat brother. Because maybe they knew what was wrong with him, and just maybe he wouldn’t need to check himself into an inpatient stay until he cleared his head.

“Mutt, get your hands off my woman!”

“He’s not a mutt! His name is Inuyasha!! Say it with me Koga! In-U-Ya-Sha!” She yelled, slightly stepping away from his body to glower at the wolf demon in front him. Fuck. He was officially in love. And he needed to hear her say that in a slightly more moaning pleading voice. What?? Yea--he needed to check himself into a psych hospital after this.

“He’s a half-breed Kagome. You can do so much better than scraps--” He was cut off by the loud cracking slap across his cheek. Kagome was not standing directly in front of Koga. Totally out of Inuyasha hold. The distance didn’t help his control. Or his head.

All he could think of was pulling her back to him and ravishing her. Shit. He was screwed. He didn’t want to be in another relationship--or at least he didn’t think he did. This was simply to help the girl and to get Kikyo away from him.

Speaking of the other woman, Kikyo was deadly silent. It made him kind of nervous. What was she plotting? She could be a vengeful person when pissed off. He slowly turned to face her and was met with her glaring at the girl who was currently putting a wolf demon in his place.

“Kikyo?” He asked worriedly.

“You really want to give up everything we have for this child?”

“Don’t be like that Kikyo--we aren’t together.”

“But Inuyasha, I told you; I made a mistake. Please, let’s just go and figure this whole thing out together.”

The two squabbling finally quieted down behind him and he felt a trembling hand on his chest. He looked back and saw Kagome--almost hurt. But why would she be hurt? Maybe she was just a good actress in this situation. Or maybe she was feeling what he was?

No wait, back track, he wasn’t feeling anything for her. He was just crazy. They just met and learned each other’s names from the other people who were fighting for their attention.

“If you want to go back to Kikyo I won’t be upset… We just met and this is all so new. I won’t make you choose if you aren’t ready--”

“You’re gonna let this animal two-time you Kagome?!”

“Koga will you just shut up!” Kagome yelled. “I’m just saying we are just seeing each other and if he wasn’t set on anything then--”

“Nah, I’m set babe. Let’s get outta here,” he smiled cockily and placed his arm back around her shoulder and led her to the door.

They exited unfollowed but he didn’t drop his arm. When they crossed the street back to campus, he then did drop his arm and walk beside her. Fuck. The silence was killing him. Shit. What does someone say in a situation like that?

“Uhm, thank you, Inuyasha. I appreciate what you did. I hope I didn’t ruin anything with your ex.”

“It’s not a problem. I wasn’t about to let the bastard keep harassing you.”

“I can handle myself, thank you.”

“Yea, looked like it,” he smirked.

She looked up at him and giggled. “So, uhm, my name is Kagome.”

“I’d say it’s nice to meet you but--” he paused. Did that shit head actually follow them?? Was he a fucking stalker?

As subtly as he could he stopped and turned her to face him. She blushed madly as he leaned down to press his forehead to hers as he whispered, “This fuckface is pretty set on you for some reason. He’s just a block behind us.”

She swallowed and exhaled slowly. Shit. His dick was twitching. He had problems. He obviously needed to get laid. How could her peppermint coffee breath smell that wonderful and magic to literally send those kind of signals to his cock?

“How--uhm--how far are you willing to take this?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Kagome.”

“Do you mind walking me to my apartment?”

“Nah, that’s fine,” he said softly as the wolf was getting closer. Inuyasha raised his head and kissed the crown of her head. Oh God. He was screwed. Would it be wrong to actually ask out this girl? She was obviously single.

No. No. No… He just got out of a relationship. It’d be dumb to jump right back in. Especially under the pretense this ‘arrangement’ started.

He did notice her sigh as she took his hand and led him towards her apartment. The sigh was… happy. Or at least that’s what he thought it was. But the area her apartment was in was oddly familiar. He’d been here before. Wait a second--

She got her keys out and opened the door then turned to say something when Miroku swung the door open fully.

“Inuyasha!!! What a lovely surprise!”

“Miroku?? You know Inuyasha?” Kagome asked curiously.

“Well of course! He’s my roommate!”

“Wait--you’re--”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Inuyasha groaned. This… this was not happening. This was the girl Miroku had been trying to set him up with. Son of a bitch. The irony of it pissed him off. Almost as much as that goddamn wolf who was still lurking about.

“Get inside,”he pushed Kagome forward past Miroku before shooting him a ‘shut-the-fuck-up’ look.

“What’s wrong??” she asked hurriedly as he closed the door.

“The fucking wolf is still--”

“Oh… he does live in the same complex as us.”

“Koga? He was still bothering you, Kagome?” Miroku's teasing face turned concerned quickly.

“Yes, I was going to get coffee and study when he just showed up at Starbucks again. He wanted to buy me coffee and I made up a lie I was meeting someone--”

“Hence the text Sango and I received, continue,” Miroku explained.

“But he wouldn’t leave well enough alone and then I saw…” she trailed off biting her lip. Oh shit. He needed to bite the lip. FUCK! NO! NO HE DIDN’T!

“A woman was behind Inuyasha--so I didn’t say anything to him at first. Just tried to explain I was busy when he surprised me and brought over a cup of coffee and helped me put my jacket on so we could leave together.” She was omitting the part where he claimed they were seeing each other. Was she embarrassed?? Did she not want to be seen by her friends with a half-demon?

“Oh shit--a woman?? Who?” Miroku smirked.

“Kikyo,” Inuyasha informed dryly.

“Oh reallllllly. And you just--blew her off?”

“I wasn’t about to let the flea bag exploit her.”

“Even if it did ruin your chances at getting back together with the woman you love?” Miroku smirked leadingly. He was going to fucking kill him if he ever returned home.

“Shut up, Miroku.”

“Miroku, I feel bad enough Inuyasha had embarrassed himself by saying he was with me--” Kagome started before Sango emerged from behind her and shoved her.

“What did we talk about Kagome?” Sango said sternly.

“I’m… pretty?”

“And?”

“Any guy would be lucky to have me…” She said it as though there was dirt in her mouth. What the fuck did he walk into?

“That’s right,” Sango nodded her approval. “Hey Yash. What’s up? What did I miss?”

Miroku filled Sango on what was going on as Kagome shrugged out of her coat and downed the rest of her coffee. Inuyasha was drawn to her. Did she put a spell on him? She did exude some reiki--not as much as Kikyo but maybe she had it under more control than his ex.

“That slimy, twisted, asshole--”

“However, it seems Inuyasha acted like they were dating,” he said as he raised his eyebrow. Oh that fucker was sooooooo dead.

“Oh!!! That's wonderful! So we will let you guys get on your date then,” she winked at Kagome who began to protest. Sango obviously didn’t care or wasn’t listening as she tugged Miroku who was smirking at him. Son of a bitch.

Once they were out the door, Kagome exhaled in defeat.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for them to put you in this situation,” she said quietly.

“You’re the one stuck with a half-breed,” he spat. She flinched. And then he felt like an asshole.

“What?? Don’t call yourself that! There’s nothing wrong with who you are,” she said as she made her way to the kitchen.

“Yea yea, tell that to the rest of the world.”

“The rest of the world doesn’t matter; it only matters what you think. You have friends who seem like they care about you, too. Does it really matter what everyone else thinks?” She asked as she grabbed two bottles of water and proceeded to stroll over to the couch and sit down.

He just realized he was still awkwardly standing in her entry way when she motioned for him to join her. Taking his coat off, he hung it next to hers and then slowly approached her couch. He sat on the other side to give her some space.

Her eyes looked disappointed as she handed him a water. Why? Or was he imagining it? Or did he wish to honestly see that? Son of a bitch.

“So… did you want to watch tv?” She asked awkwardly.

“That’s fine,” he agreed, trying to break the tension.

She handed him the remote which surprised him. It was her house and he was the one who was kind of imposing. Or at least that’s how he felt. He turned on a movie. Of course it was The Proposal. Of fucking course it was a fake engagement movie.

“So… uhm…” she stammered biting her lip. Damnit she needed to stop doing that before he lost control and tasted the fucking thing himself.

He also noted to himself that he was going to find a girl. That night. Because this intense desire and crazy amount of longing for intimacy was pushing him to the brink of insanity.

“What?” He bit out harshly. Much harsher than he intended but he was fucking frustrated at this point. Her scent was covering him. Her presence was domineering. He needed to take a minute. Swallow his pride. Call his goddamn brother.

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk,” she mumbled. Andddddddd now she was crying. He was an asshole. Before he could stop himself, he reached over and grabbed her chin to make her look at him. And then he nuzzled her cheek.

What. Was. He. Doing?!?!? Why was his demon half so--so-- Yea he needed to call Sesshomaru.

“Inuyasha?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just-- do you mind if I make a call really quick? I need to check in with someone,” he said in anonymity. She didn’t need to know he was calling a jackass to ask why he was going crazy.

“Oh my gosh! Did you have to cancel plans because of me?! I’m so sorry! Please, feel free to use my bedroom, bathroom wherever!”

“Keh, no, no, it isn’t a big deal. I’ll just be a second. I’m going outside real quick. I was gonna test something with that wolf anyway,” he said, pulling his face back from her cheek which was now a dusty rose. He bet it would look even better with sweat dripping from it and her eyes half glazed over from lust---and for fuck’s sake!!!!

He leapt over the couch in an instant and opened and closed the door to the porch without further explanation. Grabbing his cellphone out of his pocket he quickly dialed Sesshomaru’s number and sat on the railing to the little deck they had outside of their apartment. He took in the scents and realized the wolf was likely inside still. He was waiting for his prey to exit the apartment. Or rather, for him to leave.

“Takahashi.”

“For fuck’s sake do you not look at the caller ID?”

“Greetings, little brother. What can I assist you with today?”

“You sound chipper.”

“It’s because you’re on speaker and he knows he needs to be nice in front of your nephew,” a feminie voice chimed in.

“Hey Rin,” Inuyasha smirked.

“Hello brother! We miss you! Don’t we, Sesshomaru?”

“What is it you need, little brother? We are a little busy.”

“With my new nephew? I’m sure the brat has you running all over the place.”

“Indeed; he is crawling and finding his way into everything in sight,” Sesshomaru admitted begrudgingly.

“Touga!!! No!!” He heard Rin yell before stammering steps along with a very mischievous giggle. Little monster was definitely giving them trouble. He reminded himself to buy him a very nice Christmas gift.

“Like that for instance…” Sesshomaru sighed.

“You obviously wanted this. You can smell when Rin is in heat,” Inuyasha added.

“Yes, yes, now again, what do you need, Inuyasha?”

“How… how did you know Rin was your mate?”

“The fact you ask that question tells me you met yours.”

“Or I’ve just gone crazy, you jackass.”

“I can assure you that is what it is like,” Sesshomaru said.

“Look, I’m not even sure how to approach this--”

“You dated that miserable woman for quite a few years and you are informing me you have no idea how to court a woman?”

“Shut up asshole. Not like that-- I mean-- We just met. She had a wolf demon trying to hit on her and I acted instinctively and pretended we were dating. And now I’m at her place.”

“Awwww, what a fun story,” Rin chimed in.

“Not really. How do you go from fake dating to actually dating?”

“Tell her she’s your--”

“Rin. I did not tell you that you were mine.”

“Well yea, but I knew. You hated everyone except me.” Inuyasha could literally hear the twinkle in her eyes. And he completely agreed. The asshole hated everyone and everything until she came along and softened up his heart. It was obvious.

“I advise you to get to know her--allow her to get to know you. Actually ask her out,” Sesshomaru replied evenly.

“That’s a good idea too,” Rin cheered.

“Sess… uhm… what about us--”

“TOUGA NO!!!!” Rin cried.

“You have a moment now brother for your sexual question.”

“You already know it, so spill. What the fuck do I do? I can’t stop thinking about her!”

“Practice your self control. Touching her will help alleviate some of your pull towards her. I advise you not to be around her during the full moon. Unless you’ve made progress in the next week that is.”

“I can literally hear your smirk,” Inuyasha groaned.

“Sesshomaru?? Are you teasing him??” Rin questioned returning to the phone.

“Yea, punish him,” Inuyasha grinned.

“Mmmmm, maybe I will,” Rin replied happily.

“Ew. Goodbye. Thanks asshat. Thank you Rin.”

“Take care Inu!” Rin responded before the phone hung up.

Inuyasha sighed. At least he got some answers. Some advice. He could use it. Now he needed to change the fake dating to… real dating. But was he really ready for that? He was doing some really weird, shit he had never done when he was with Kikyo.

He never let himself use his demonic instincts with her. It wasn't that she hadn’t realized he was a half demon like he could actually hide that tidbit. But he could tell she didn’t like his claws, she never touched his ears, and she did not like him biting her, let alone licking her. He originally thought maybe that was why she wanted to explore; the fact their sex was rather… vanilla. But he had thought that was what she wanted since she deterred anything else.

Now his instincts were all over the fucking place. One thing was clear though; he needed to be around this girl.

Returning inside he saw her biting the fucking lip again until she turned to meet him and smiled softly.

“Everything okay?”

“Yea, I was just talking to my brother, his wife, and their pup.”

“Oh that’s so nice. I’m sorry if I made you cancel those plans,” she apologized.

“Nah, they have their hands full. Pup’s learning to crawl. Amongst other things,” he smirked remembering the loud crash that played over the phone along with Sesshomaru’s exasperation.

“Oh, that’s nice.”

“So… tell me about yourself.” Smooth. Real smooth.

“Oh--uhm--... well this is my first year here. Dorms were full when I finally picked a school but luckily they were okay with me rooming with Sango in her apartment.”

“Couldn't’ decide where to go?”

“Honestly I was avoiding the guy I had been seeing in high school.”

“What’s with you and guys not taking no for an answer?”

“Hahaha, you got me,” she laughed nervously. “But he finally picked and so I picked here. Thankfully I really wanted to come here anyway since Sango was here.”

“What’s your major?”

“Education--I want to be a elementary school teacher. I love kids.”

His inner demon was probably going to explode. Swallowing he shifted on the couch so his leg lightly touched her own. That bastard was right; it did help a little bit.

“That’s uh--cool.”

“What about you?”

“Engineering. I like to use my hands and shit. Not so good with the words and stuff.”

“Hahaha, you seem to be doing okay to me,” she smiled brightly. Damn. She was fucking goregous.

“Yea, it’s not an all the time thing so don’t get used to it.”

“What?” Oh fuck. Yea, shouldn’t have said that. Point proven. Dumb dog not good with words.

“I meant if you, ya know, wanna keep this going so the wolf doesn’t keep trying shit on ya,” he explained blushing.

“O-oh, but… You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to put you out or anything. I know you just broke up with Kikyo. Miroku told me a little about everything… I’m sure you want to go sow some wild oats or whatever.” Nope just yours. Damnit.

“Nah; I’m not that type of guy. What about you? Would I be holding you back from anything?”

“Oh no. I uh--” her blush was so distracting. So beautiful. So hot. “I wasn’t sure I was ready for all that. I’ve only dated one guy and he was… uh-- gosh this sounds so mean but boring. He was so nice, and attentive and just a great guy but there was no--SPARK!”

“Huh. Sorry to hear that,” he mumbled as he actually wasn’t that sorry. It gave him the opportunity to woo her. Okay, he needed to not talk or hang out with Miroku anymore.

“Alright; sounds like we’re stuck with each other.”

“You don't need to say it like that. Honestly, I appreciate your help but--”

“Do you not want to be seen with me?”

“What?!? That’s not it at all! I figured after dating someone as gorgeous and beautiful as Kikyo you’d be bored with someone as blah as me! E-Even if we’re not actually dating. You know what I mean.”

“Trust me. You’re an upgrade. You have five times the personality as she does. Also, not to be crude, but ten times the body.”

He smirked at her hot and heavy flush and… oh fuck. The scent of her cinnamon spicy arousal was just almost too much for him to bear. He had to think. Quickly. He stretched his arm over the back of the couch and kissed her forehead.

“But this isn’t--” Fuck he couldn’t even say it wasn’t real because to him it was. “We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. But we have plenty of excuses to see each other. Sorry I’ve made you the third wheel with horny and the princess.”

“It’s fine. I understand--Miroku said Kikyo was very important to you but you’d come around,” she said as she twirled her hair nervously.

"What else he tell ya?"

"Nothing." That was far too quick an answer.

"Try again; I smell lies just as well as the flea bag downstairs."

"Just that… Oh Gods you're going to kill him."

"Already on my to do list."

"Just you're a big puppy and he'd think we'd be good friends. We’d be good for each other, ya know? Both kinda fresh out of breakups and, yea..." Yep. He was dead. D.E.A.D.

"He's not wrong but neither are you. He is dead. The moment he walks into our apartment again."

"So… we're gonna just uhh, keep fake dating?"

"Sure. Get to know each other. Maybe even branch into actually being friends. Who knows, where it could lead." He hadn’t meant to say that. Damnit.

"I uh, I'd like that," she admitted.

His heart stopped. She would like that? Really? This beautiful feisty little kitten would wanna go out with him? He looked down at her and she was smiling nervously with that damn bottom lip in-between her teeth. He bet his cock would look just as good as--

Nope. Not yet.

XxxxxxxxxxxxX

It'd been a good couple of weeks. The farce was well taken by everyone. No one batted an eye. Well, no one but Kikyo and Koga.

Inuyasha had taken to walking Kagome to and from classes. They still stopped and got coffee, usually getting it to go since the wolf was present--waiting. They often ended up watching movies after their day was done at her place. Studied at the library together. They went out to dinner here and there but usually ate at home with their friends.

Even though it looked like to others it was going fast, it was oddly perfect to them. Even if it wasn't all true.

But in the weeks they had shared together, he learned almost everything he could about her. While she was content with companionable silence, she also was not one to hide anything. He learned about her family, likes, dislikes, pet peeves, history with men in general. He still hadn’t really figured out why she was so self-conscious but she stopped that around him.

He definitely classified them as friends at that point. He also honestly considered them dating. Even though maybe she didn’t. He was too afraid to ask. Especially when things were going so well.

She never seemed bothered by the intimacy--even behind closed doors. He always had his arm around her shoulders, their legs close and brushing against each other. He often kissed her lightly on the crown of her head, temple, sometimes even got ballsy enough to kiss her cheek. She has reciprocated a couple times out in public, but there was what was confusing. Why not when they were alone? Or at least correct him? But what was odd was the fact she sank into his chest as he held her shoulders, twirled his hair in her fingers, and when he did kiss her on the cheek, she’d smiled this beautiful nervous grin. Like he had told her he loved her.

Which he hadn’t. Not yet. But fuck, he did.

And it was crazy.

Another week passed, their routine remained the same. But he knew he was forgetting something…

They were out for a stroll after their dinner at a casual restaurant. She had decided on burgers and fries. Her go-to meal before a stressful exam or presentation. He already knew she’d regret it later and curl into his side moaning about how her stomach hurt. Yea, he didn’t like she put herself through that but fuck, if he didn’t love being the one to comfort her.

The sun was just setting when he felt it. He stopped mid stride by the fountain in the park. She glanced at him, still holding his hand and looked worried.

“Inuyasha?”

“Damnit, I completely forgot…”

“What’s wrong???”

“You’ll see in a second,” he grimaced. He felt his aura drain, his ears shift down, his claws and fangs shorten, even his hair tingled as it turned midnight black while the sun disappeared. He opened his now-violet eyes and saw Kagome gape at him fearfully.

She released his hand and went right for the ears--fuck they were just as sensitive in this form as his other. “Oh my Gods!! Are you alright?!? What happened??? Did I purify you??”

“Relax Kagome, this happens every new moon. I just forgot tonight was that time in the lunar cycle. You keep me so distracted.”

“Oh Gods… I’m so sorry,” she said, tearing up.

“What?? What's wrong??”

“I-I-I messed up your schedule.”

“Hey, it’s fine,” he said brushing his hands against her eyes, catching her tears. “I love spending time with you.” Oh fuck. He forgot his mouth ran away with him while he was human. Stupid human emotions.

“Y-You do?”

“Of course, you idiot. Why on earth would I be with you night and day if I didn’t?”

“I-I mean--” she looked nervous.

“Yea?” He pressed.

“O-Our arrangement.”

“You really think--”

“I knew you were faking everything,” a voice came from behind them. Inuyasha turned and pushed Kagome behind him.

“Kikyo, what are you doing here?” He asked, less than pleased by her appearance. Not that she really altered his feelings about Kagome. No, if anything it oddly made them so much clearer. He had originally thought if he was human it would have jumbled things up, but it only made his feelings for Kagome clearer.

“I wanted to see if I could talk to you after you dropped her off this evening.”

“Have you been following us?” Kagome asked, slightly horrified.

“Of course I have you stupid girl. He’s my boyfriend. I needed to make sure he didn’t cheat on me.”

Kagome tried to distance herself from him but he wouldn’t let her. He gripped tightly onto her hip and growled slightly.

“Inuyasha,” Kikyo said warningly.

“No Kikyo. We broke up. Correction: you broke up with me. I moved on. I’m sorry you think we are still together for some odd delusional reason but even though I’m human tonight that doesn’t mean that you’ll persuade me into getting back together with you. I’m with Kagome. End of story.”

“I overheard your conversation, Inuyasha. You have an ‘arrangement’.”

“One of which we are dating. So mind your own business,” he glowered.

“Inuyasha--” Kagome started before Inuyasha turned to face her.

“Let’s go,” he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

“Inuyasha! Another step and we are completely through! I will forgive this act but if you leave--”

“Don’t forgive me then. Kagome’s friendship is more important than a fake relationship with you.”

They walked in silence back to Kagome’s place until they got to her door. She dug in her bag for her keys and she was trembling. What could she be upset about?

“What’s wrong Kagome?” He asked, stilling her shaking hands with his own.

“I--I never wanted you to have to choose.”

“Yea well, she did. Even then though, it was you. Your friendship has meant more to me than our relationship ever has…”

“You’re being… really honest. Open. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yea, just human,” he snorted.

“What does that mean?” She asked as she finally unlocked the door leading the way into her apartment.

“It means my emotions are freer now. That I say more shit without thinking-- actually that part is no different. It just means shit I usually hide or am reluctant to share often comes up like word vomit now.”

“Oh,” she pondered. “Would it be mean if we played twenty questions then?”

That beautiful smirk she gave lit up his heart. And cock. Wait--he was human. He could control this better now. Sort of. Maybe. Damnit. Humans were hornier than demons. But he wasn’t compelled… Damnit would he ever not be screwed?

“It would but I won’t be opposed if it’ll make you happy.”

“Do… you mean that?”

“Question 1--yes. I do.”

“Hahaha, okay,” she laughed bouncing down on the couch. “Question 2-- why do you wanna make me happy?”

“Uhm…” he blushed hotly. “Because you’re my fr-friend.”

“Why’d you stutter?”

“That counts--because you are my friend. It makes me nervous to admit that.”

“Why?”

“You would ask all the why questions… Because it means you’re important to me.”

It was her turn to flush when she pried again, “Why does that make you nervous though?”

“It means I could lose you,” he confessed.

“I’m not Kikyo though… You won’t lose me,” she said breathily. Oh fuck she was right there in front of him.

“Not now, but eventually. Demons have different life spans.”

“What do you mean?”

“We live longer, don’t get sick, all that stuff…”

“How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-six--I was born this century. My father though, he was centuries old before he died.”

“How’d he die?”

“Freak priestess accident. My mother never really talked about it. I never asked about it.”

“What about your mother?”

“She died of cancer.”

“She--she didn’t take your father’s lifespan?”

“Are you asking if they mated?”

“Uhm, if that’s what it’s called?”

“She did--that’s why she got cancer and died early. Or at least that’s what the doctors said.”

Her tears hurt him. He didn’t want her pity. “Hey, don’t cry--”

“I’m sorry, I just-- I’m so sorry. I didn’t know and--”

“Shhhh,” he said, pulling her into a full embrace. She buried her head into his sweater and just cried. She was just crying for him. There was no pity. It was like she was shedding the tears he never allowed himself to cry. Her empathy held no bounds. He was so screwed. The love he held for her only grew that night.

Especially when she fell asleep in his arms and he carried her to bed. She muttered his name so softly and whined at the loss of his contact. He leaned down to kiss her forehead just before her eyes opened tentatively. He almost missed it; but he saw those beautiful carmel eyes flutter right before they squeezed shut again. If he had his demon sense he would have been able to see it better. To hear her heart rate and breathing. To be able to just confess.

But it was the new moon and he was still a coward. He didn’t want to hear the potential no in her answer about actually dating. The fluster from her about being his mate.

Smiling, he pressed his lips to forehead like he had planned. Then he did the only thing he was brave enough to do at the moment-- he lightly pressed his lips to hers and then quickly left the room before she could reveal to him she was awake.

He was so fucked.

XxxxxxxxxxxX

It was a couple days after that he ended up meeting Kagome at the coffee shop because he had a final that ran longer than he originally thought. He immediately regretted it having smelt the wolf the moment he opened the coffee house door.

Kagome locked eyes with him from their booth and smiled brightly. She waved him over happily. He almost forgot Koga was there--sitting in his spot across from her. He was fucking livid.

“Inuyasha! How’d your final go?” She asked as if Koga was not just sitting there glaring at him.

“Fine,” he clipped. Her brown eyes blinked at him and she tilted her head in confusion from his shortness.

“Here--I got your favorite,” she proceeded pushing his cup to him as she scooted in the booth. Making room for him. He smirked. Show time.

“Thanks babe,” he said sitting next to her wrapping his arm around her. As she turned back to look at Koga he got cocky. He wanted the wolf to know his place in Kagome’s life. Just a friend. Inuyasha was her man. Even if it wasn’t completely official yet. But Koga didn’t need to know that tidbit.

He grabbed her chin and initially she looked confused. Then understanding dawned on her as he lowered his mouth to hers. He saw her eyes widen before they fell to half-mast before he closed his and kissed her. Whoa. He thought her breath was enticing but fuck. She tasted like cherry candy. It took everything not to swipe his tongue along that lip of hers… EVERYTHING.

Pulling back he heard the tiniest whimper of disappointment from her, making him grin all the more. When she opened her glazed over eyes, she stared at him like she was begging him for more. The clearing of a throat across from them broke the spell and while he growled in annoyance she flushed from embarrassment. She proceeded to press her head into his chest, which he didn’t complain about in the slightest. Though he could see the anger and jealousy rolling off Koga in waves.

The conversation was obviously shortened with his presence but Kagome in no way shape or form felt uncomfortable. If anything, it was the opposite. She was beyond comfortable. The happiness she exuded rolled off of her in waves. He could tell the wolf wasn’t exactly excited about it either. But he didn’t say anything. They merely talked about their classes. What they were doing during their winter break. So on and so forth.

On their walk back to her place, he noticed she was biting her lip. More than usual. He wasn’t really sure why. When they finally got there, she invited him like usual and then disrobed her coat and made her way to the couch. She paused and turned to face him as he turned around from taking off his jacket.

“What’s up?” He asked, finally getting slightly irritated from the aura she was exuding.

“Uh--can I ask you something?”

“Yea?”

“It’s about… us.”

“Uh huh… well, spill then.”

“Do… do you like me?”

“What kind of dumb question is that? Of course I like you. We’re friends.” That was probably an asshole answer but it answered the question in the vagueness he needed to convey. He didn’t want to freak her out--it has been maybe a month. He didn’t know he had been in love with Kikyo for a year. Yea, mates were different but shit--she was still human.

“That’s not--ugh! That’s not exactly what I meant. I meant do you like me?”

“Why are you asking me that?”

“I just don’t want to misread things,” she admitted.

“What would you be misreading?”

“Inuyasha you’ve kissed me twice now! I just--I want to know! Do. You. Like. ME?!”

“So you were awake!!”

“You knew?!?”

“Yea!! You slammed your eyes closed so quick and hard I was expecting you to have fucking whiplash!”

“And you kissed me anyway?!! Why!?!”

“Are you that fucking stupid!?” He questioned stepping towards her until they were maybe a foot apart.

“I just want to know!!! I don’t want to be heartbroken because you don’t love me like I love you!!!” Her eyes widened and she muttered, “Shit.” She turned around and tried to walk away but he grabbed her and swung her back around.

“You’re an idiot,” he smirked down at her blanched face.

“Excuse me?!”

“I thought I was being obvious--at least for me! Do you think I go around walking with my arm slung domestically on any girl? Do you think I kiss anyone on the crown of their head? Do you think I kiss anyone??? Does that sound anything like me at all? Use your fucking head.”

“Inuyasha--stop dodging the question!!!’

“Fine I fucking love you too! I was drawn to you the moment I saw you in the coffee shop and smelt your distress. Wanna know why??? Because you’re my fucking mate! But you’re a human! I didn’t want to freak you out, scare you away, and ruin my only chance with you. That’s why I went along with the fake dating, that’s why I wanted to get to know you, and fuck it’s the main reason I can’t seem to not fucking want to touch you!!! Happy now?!?!”

She grabbed his tendrils and pulled his face down to hers; she kissed the absolute fuck outta him. Holy. Shit. She actually made the move. She was kissing him. And by Gods was it the best damn kiss he ever had.

He felt her tongue press demandingly against his lips and he eagerly let her in. She roamed his mouth and it took all he had not to slam her against the wall and rut the shit outta her. Especially when she moaned when she stroked his fang. Her extra spicy scent came alive and she was clinging to him like a freakin’ spider monkey. Her hands were wrapped around his neck, woven in his hair, and her thick perfect muscular thighs were entangled in his own legs. He should slow this down right? Give her an option. Because anything further he won’t be able to stop. His cock was already pressing into her abdomen--soon to be her sex if she continued to try and climb him like a fucking tree. Not that he minded. It was hotter than the seventh hell.

He pushed her away and whimpered. WHIMPERED. What was she doing to him??

“Kagome--we don’t have to--”

“Shut up please--I’ve wanted you from day 1. But originally this was-- well I actually don’t know what it was because clearly it wasn’t fake. Even though it was. I don’t know. But for the love of God pleaseeeeeeee stop talking and being rational for---however long it takes to have sex and just--”

He interrupted her by slamming his mouth back into hers and swallowed her loud moan. Lifting her up with ease, his cock aligned with her clit. His hips were thrusting into hers. She was grinding into him. Fuck. It was like he was a goddamn virgin all over again. He thought he was going to blow his load right then.

But the last thing he needed to do was fuck her right here on the couch. No--Miroku and Sango would be back for dinner probably within the next hour. If it was gonna happen, they needed to get to her bedroom. That way, he could try to keep her quiet until dinner was fully cooked as he ravished her beautiful body for the next couple of hours.

She was a virgin. She deserved the fucking best.

He carried her to the bedroom and slowly lowered her onto the bed, following so their bodies never lost contact. His mouth devoured her in a way he had never kissed anyone before. He was nipping her, suckling her, shit. She really didn’t care that he was a half demon.

That’s when it dawned on him where her crafty little hands were headed. The moment he felt her dainty soft fingers caress his ears. That's when the rumble came. He was fucking blissed out. If he could, he’d lay here all night. Fuck dinner. Fuck sleep. Fuck anything that had literally nothing to do with them not touching.

Her giggle brought him back to consciousness.

“Too good?” She purred. Goddamn. She should be against the law. She was too much.

“Fuck--you’re never gonna leave this bed.”

“Mmmmm, good. I don’t want to if that means you’ll stay here.”

“Deal,” he said, diving back on her. He took his mouth and moved it down her jaw. Then her neck, then--oh shit they still had clothes on. That could be easily fixed. “Do you like this shirt?”

“Huh?” Oh good--at least he had the same intoxicating effect on her as she did on him.

“Shirt--do you like it?”

“I’m confused by the question,” she admitted pressing his face back into the junction between her neck and shoulder. Keh. That was all he really needed for an answer. His claws ripped through her shirt and his hands immediately began kneading and tugging on her breasts.

“Ahhhhhh, Inu---Gods,” she wailed.

“Like that Ka-Go-Me?”

“Yesssss,” she whined writhing beneath him. Her hips were stick bucking up against his. He knew what she needed. His ears stood at attention as his hand dipped between them and his fingers sunk into her moist folds.

Her breath hitched as she whined pitifully as he toyed with her clit. He pinched, circle, kneaded, and pressed hard seeing what action would push her over the edge. The mixture of the moments seemed to be doing it though--she was panting. Between her nipple being squeezed, her neck being ravished by his teeth and tongue, and her nub being stimulated she was lost to the world around her.

“Cum for me, Kagome,” he demanded softly into her ear before taking the lobe between his teeth and yanking softly.

Her cry was fucking magical. Musical. She should be a goddamn singer. Shit. They needed to get rid of some clothing. Scratch that; they needed to get rid of all their clothing. He toyed with her a little more until she fully came back and was kissing his cheek. He withdrew his hand and toyed with the button on her jeans. She helped him by taking over and unbuttoning. He finished unzipping and pushed them down with her help as she arched off the bed. If that was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.

He undid his own pants as he sat up slowly, pulling away from her wandering hands. He was shocked when he pulled his shirt over his head and saw her sitting there with him. Her hands refused to cease their movements as she traced the lines of his abs. He groaned but wanted her to explore. Trying to remain still, he realized her breasts were still encased in her bra.

“Do you like that bra?” He smirked cheekily.

“It’s a set--I’ll take it off,” she huffed, annoyed that she was going to have to stop her ministrations. He chuckled and set forth taking off his jeans and boxers by rising from the bed. Her eyes were like saucers as she stared at his twitching cock.

“Like what you see?” he asked, trying to break the tension. She didn’t answer. Was she scared? Turned off? He was pretty sure he looked normal…

She startled him when she was on the edge of her bed and slowly extended her hand to stroke him. He flinched initially which made her retract her hand. Shaking off his shock, he pulled her hand back to touch him. OH fuck. Had he ever had sex? Did he dream about losing his virginity?? Fuck her hand was amazing. He was nervous now to enter her. Maybe he should let her get round one out of the way first. Honestly he definitely should be getting round two started for her to make sure she was wet enough to enter her without totally hurting her.

Her hand continued its work until suddenly he felt it encased with wet fucking heat. Her mouth. Her mouth was on his goddamn fucking dick. Holy Gods. Shit. Fuck. Don’t stop. Wait--did he say that out loud? Likely not coherently. It probably was a gurgling sound mixed with her name. Maybe even syllables. He wasn’t sure. Nothing was actually processing that well when her fucking tongue was swirling around his tip and licking off the pre-cum that leaked out.

He needed to focus. He didn’t want her to choke on his cock. Even though her little breathy wet sounds on were literally killing him, he honestly didn’t want to hurt her or make her gag. He needed to control himself and NOT thrust. Nope. Self-control. Self--

Her teeth were scrapping him. Oh for fuck’s sake. He tapped her and muttered cuming. Or at least he thought that’s what he said. It could have been that he was a cat. That perfect little mouth, her slender tiny hands that were cupping his balls were making him forget his damn name.

She hummed and that officially did him in. He exploded in her mouth, his hands threaded through her hair, and he gently pushed himself back and forth in his mouth as she drank him in. All of him. And that was fucking hot enough to keep him hard.

But he needed to take care of her next. He officially owed her like ten orgasms. Because that was his best one he had ever fucking had.

Oh, and the little crafty little vixen looked up at him with eyes so full of mayhem then licked her lips. Yea, nope, he had to wipe that little smirk off her mouth.

He pushed her back onto her back on the bed and then took her underwear by the sides and slid them down her legs. Once they were fully down, he began kissing up her calves, licking and nipping her thighs until he laid between them and pulled them up over her shoulders.

“Please, Inuyasha,” she begged.

“Only because you said please,” he replied before licking between her folds. She cried out blissfully. Gods, she was so sensitive. He was loving it. To be fair, she made him melt like butter in heat too. Maybe that was the power of mateship.

He used his tongue to penetrate her first making her whimper and arch off the back. Barely holding in his laugh, he held her hip firmly in one hand. His other hand took his tongue’s place as he shifted to circle her jewel. He inserted one finger first, then two, then finally three until she was pulsing around him. Her whimpers, whines, groans, begging kept him almost unbearably hard. He found himself grinding himself into her mattress for some relief. Once she came he was going to fuck her. He had to. Well, after he asked her--one last time.

Speaking the action into life, she came with a scream of his name. Fucking. Music. To. His. Ears. He maintained contact with his fingers as he slunk his way back up to her mouth and kissed her back to life.

Once she was responding and humming her approval, he retracted his finger and paused in his actions.

“Are you sure about this Kagome?”

“Inuyasha please, I need you. I want you so badly it hurts,” she pleaded.

“This isn’t--”

“Oh my God why am I begging you to have sex with me???” She was actually crying. He needed to calm her down. Jesus Christ.

“Hey hey, it’s not that I don’t want to. Trust me--I want to. Fuck do I want you, Kagome. You’re perfect. I just didn’t want to rush you--this--I know how this shit started. I just didn’t wanna put you out.”

“We love each other right??”

“I mean--yes--”

“Then how are we rushing,” she breathed, kissing him gently. That kiss was all the encouragement he needed. He lined up to her entrance and slowly poked to make sure she was serious. That she wouldn’t stop him. If anything, he felt her try to edge downward to take him in making him chuckle.

He finally snapped his hips forward and destroyed her hyman. After swallowing her gasp and cry, he removed his mouth and roamed her face kissing her cheeks, temples, forehead and then laved her tears that spilled from her eyes.

She finally twisted, albeit a little awkwardly, as if she was trying to get used to the feeling of being so full of him, and then groaned. Yep. Nope. He couldn’t control the buck he sent back in reply even if he wanted to. Her moan of reply was enough to make him keep going.

Her hot little body responded to every thrust he gave her with her own. He began picking up pace and he was shocked she was able to keep up with him. But her whimpers told him it wasn’t enough. He had never tried this, but, then again, he was doing a lot of things with Kagome he had never tried before.

He moved his hands that had been cradling her face to her thighs and lifted her ass off the mattress and sat up. Her answering wail and hands clenching onto his arms were enough to keep him going. He felt her walls tightening on his hard cock that was thrusting in and out of her tight area. Watching what he was doing to her was almost too much--but she was close. Luckily, he had large enough hands where he merely had to just adjust to use one of his thumbs while keeping a tight grip on her hips to press against her swollen overly sensitive and excited nub. Two strokes was all it took until her walls were clamping down on him and her voice was being sung to the neighbors upstairs and downstairs of her apartment.

He moved one arm to swing around her back so she sitting atop him as he kept fucking her. He buried his head into her neck and groaned.

“Kagome--I’m gonna--”

“Come for me,” she panted.

“I’m gonna mark you--” he gritted out of his elongated fangs. His only response was a moan as she shifted to tilt her bare open neck towards his mouth. Fuck. Did he mention she was absolutely in every way shape and form perfect?

He clamped down on her neck and drove himself into her one final time before he came inside her. When he finally came down from his orgasm, he realized her mark had been cleaned and shown like the demonic markings he had on his cheeks.

“Kagome?”

“Hmmm?” she hummed happily stroking his cheek to bring his face to hers.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhmmmm,” she purred, kissing him. Fuck. He was perfectly screwed.

They spent the next hour strengthening their newly formed bond. He kept trying to swallow her groans, moans, wails, whatever she gave but he began failing because she brought out his own.

They finally emerged for dinner with a very brightly blushing Sango and a wickedly smirking Miroku. Kagome was bashful but Inuyasha only expelled confidence and pride. At dinner, they chatted, confirmed what they had done, and decided a celebration was in order.

What started out as a charade, ended with the most real thing Inuyasha had ever felt in his life. Kagome. The most perfect woman he could have ever had the pleasure of calling his.

#inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha au #inuyasha x kagome #inu x kag #inukag #smut smut smut

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sally-mun · 3 years

Note

Unsurprisingly on my mind due to TKP's blog going through it, I've been meaning to ask (if just to clarify) about if any details from the "Enerjak Reborn" saga ever slip into your universe, even if clearly can't happen due to the characters' relationships. A part of me assumes that the idea you mentioned of Locke becoming the threat he prophesized sounded like the most likely direct replacement for that, but I wonder if any other ideas end up still mimicking it?

First of all, I fucking love your username and as far as I’m concerned you DID decide on a good one.

Anyway, this is an interesting bit of the storyline because it’s in that nebulous place where my partner and I agree that it happened, but we’ve never actually hammered out exactly what happened. For the most part, the bullet points of Finitevus tricking Knuckles into getting hexed and Locke sacrificing himself to release him are agreed to have been in the RP’s backstory, but given the version of Locke that I wrote for the Brotherhood, I’m sure the tone of the situation was very different. I can only imagine what the situation looked like through Locke’s eyes, honestly. In some ways you could argue that Knuckles becoming Enerjak IS the realization of everything Locke worked for, so that begs the question of whether or not he would see that as his premonition coming true. It’s hard to say given that there’s so many other events that have happened leading up to this point that would’ve also gone differently based on the new circumstances, and some that probably didn’t happen all together.

However, here’s my immediate hunch:

1) The events of S3&K definitely happened in the RP’s backstory, although again I’m sure several events played out in different ways. The great point to this is that, as WE all know, this was the fulfillment of the mural that Locke saw on the wall in Hidden Palace, which unknowingly inspired his recurring dream. Locke, however, would’ve taken the arrival of Eggman and the Death Egg with a lot more confusion. Obviously this is the level of threat his premonition insisted upon, but Knuckles wasn’t the one to ultimately defeat it! Some ground-dwelling heathen actually took care of it!!! So no matter how much the situation would seem to fulfill the slot of the Great Evil, it obviously can’t be because Knuckles did not ascend to become the Savior in order to stop it.

2) It’s probably safe to say this cycle happened a few others times, because let’s face it, Angel Island has seen some shit. I don’t think the others probably ever compared to S3&K arc, though, both in terms of the impact it made on the situation (and Locke’s psyche) and the fact that the enemy just plain looks like the figure in Locke’s dreams.

3) This would probably mean that an already paranoid Locke is getting jumpier and jumpier every time a new threat arises, because by now there’ve been so many BIG bad events that he’s probably constantly worrying, “Is this the Great Evil?? IS THIS THE GREAT EVIL??” and his already frayed nerves are probably completely shot.

4) So imagine, then, when Knuckles -- Locke’s only pride and joy, for whom he sacrificed absolutely everything in his life and has been banking on saving everyone’s lives -- seems to have become the Great Evil himself. It’s not enough that he’s powerful on an otherworldly scale and seems to have gone mad with said power; the bigger shock is that Knuckles does, indeed, seem to be fulfilling the criteria of his premonitions. He’s not just terrorizing the rest of the world (which, let’s be honest, Locke probably doesn’t even care about), he’s also terrorizing echidnas. He left Echidnaopolis in ruins by forcibly removing the entire population, and he’s destroying a lot of lives by changing their bodies against their will. The entire echidna species is terrified of what he has become, and what else he might do. Maybe the fact that the Great Evil was enormous in Locke’s dream wasn’t about literal physical scale, but rather, a representation of the enormity of the threat that’s posed.

5) In a perfect world, I’d really like to imagine that this finally, FINALLY, brings Locke a desperately needed moment of clarity. Locke got to the state he ends up in because he’s so afraid of some ambiguous and unidentifiable threat, so maybe the fact that he now CAN identify the threat could be enough to raise that fog. Maybe seeing Knuckles as the evil they need to be protected from will finally be enough to jolt Locke back to reality, and allow him to see just how bad his decisions have been and how Knuckles’ state is, honestly, a very logical conclusion to the chain of events that came before it. Knuckles becoming the Great Evil was always a possibility all along, but Locke was so convinced of the contrary that he just literally couldn’t see it. Now he can see it. Now he can grasp how, no matter how well-intentioned he was, he absolutely, 100%, undeniably caused his son to become the one thing he’s feared all along.

6) If Locke is able to have that moment, and think completely clearly again for even a brief time, then I have no doubt whatsoever that Locke would make that sacrifice to save him. No attempts to find an alternative, no hemming and hawing, no attempts to get everyone to kill Knuckles like in the comic, NONE of that shit. If Locke, the REAL Locke that’s been lost inside the madness all this time is able to wake up for just a few moments, emerges again and learns that the only way to save his boy from the fate he himself unwittingly doomed him to is for someone to give up their own life, Locke would make that sacrifice in a heartbeat. He said back on the day he activated the chaos bath that he wished he could take Knuckles’ burdens away and put himself in his place. This would be one way to do exactly that, to give Knuckles a shot at a real, normal life again, and to atone for the enormous mistakes he made that caused this tragedy.

I think if the situation arose under those sorts of circumstances, it would just make Locke’s sacrifice all the more meaningful. Allowing him to not only realize that he’s the one that ultimately caused all this, but to fully admit to it AND take responsibility without being harangued into doing so completely changes the tone of what he does. It’s not a situation where Locke sees sacrificing himself as something that has to be done, but something that should be done, to atone for his wrongdoings and save the one person he loves more than anyone or anything else in this world.

I don’t see the Locke of the comics as someone who would die for his child without the slightest hesitation, even after more skillful writers get a hold of him; I don’t see the fact that he does so unrealistic, but I honestly think the only reason he does it is because he can’t think of a way out of it. I mean, for fuck’s sake, shortly before doing so he was campaigning TO HAVE KNUCKLES KILLED. I think canon!Locke loves Knuckles in his own weird way, but I think his love for Knuckles comes second to his love for himself, and it always has. Canon!Locke is just simply too arrogant to think of someone else first, even his own child.

Locke the way I write him, however, was always ready to die so that Knuckles could live. It used to be because he felt Knuckles was too important to their people and needed to live to save them, but when all that baggage is lifted, Locke would still die for him simply because he loves him. He would die for him to make his life better, to free him from the prisons he’s been confined to both physically and mentally, to allow him to fully live. He’d die to save his son because he wants him to finally have the life he deserves -- that he always deserved. If the price of Knuckles being happy, healthy, and free is Locke giving up his life, there’d be no force on Mobius that could’ve kept him away from the Master Emerald to do it.

I don’t know if this is quite the sort of answer you were looking for, but again, this was the first impulse that came into my brain. It feels right to me, and probably would be worth exploring in a story sometime. Maybe someone could commission me for it or something, who knows. In the meantime, I hope this paints the picture as well as I’m seeing in my head.

#Sallymun RPs #Locke #cantdecideonagoodusername

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strangertheory · 3 years

Note

Will and El are technically the same person? Along with Hopper? Did I get that right? This is so confusing.

Hello there! Thanks for Asking.

My current hypothesis regarding what might be happening in Stranger Things is that we are following a story about a DID System and that many characters in the series are perhaps alters and hosts (separate states of consciousness and identity within one human mind) dealing with trauma memories and seeking to learn to work together to protect one another and the DID System as a whole.

The short answer to your question is: only if you perceive of alters (different states of consciousness that have their own individual sense of identity and self) that are sharing the same human mind as being “the same person.” Generally those with DID will refer to themselves as being “multiple,” as being hosts in a DID System, as being alters or as having alters etc. Each alter will have their own distinct memories and life experiences that they’ve lived (both in the external world and the internal worlds that might exist in their mind) and that are part of who they know themselves to be just as individuals with a single state of consciousness have built their sense of identity over many years of lived experiences.

kaypeace21 and I might be (?) the only two bloggers on Tumblr analyzing the concept that El, Will, and Hopper (and potentially many other characters) are all sharing the same mind and are part of a DID System (but if there's anyone else I'd enjoy following their blog!)

@kaypeace21‘s hypothesis is that the writers of Stranger Things are telling a fictional sci fi / fantasy story that, like in X-Men or Akira (etc.), involves characters with superpowers and psychic abilities. Her theory is that because Will has both dissociative identity disorder and psychic / supernatural abilities that he has unintentionally and subconsciously brought his alters, his trauma memories, and his internal worlds to life and they’ve escaped his mind and are now in the real world and in Hawkins.

Although I do consider @kaypeace21′s hypothesis that everything has been brought to life and has emerged from Will’s mind into Hawkins by supernatural means (like David Haller’s / Legion’s alters do in X-Men) to be a very well-argued theory and analysis of what might be happening in Stranger Things, I have recently pushed my own hypothesis regarding what is happening in the story towards questioning whether the supernatural events and superpowers of Stranger Things might exist exclusively within internal worlds in our characters’ subconscious. I’m unsure of how much of their “real” physical world we have seen yet in the series if I follow this train of thought, and how much of it is memories that are symbolically playing out in an internal world of their mind. In short: I think there might be a certain level of consciousness and wakefulness at which they’re all still in the same body that we have perhaps not fully seen or realized yet because of the creative way that the series is telling the story (although this might have been imaginatively represented in season 2 when Will and/or the Mindflayer are conscious/unconscious at the Lab with Dr. Owens.)

Perhaps El and Will only appear separately and can only interact with one another in internal worlds, while co-conscious, or within liminal spaces between wakefulness and unconsciousness because Hawkins is not always their “real” world but is an internal world in their shared brain. Maybe Hawkins is similar to the Upside Down, which I also believe is a mental construct, but more comfortable since it’s meant to be a home for alters to live rather than a place that trauma has been hidden away. I think that El is a gatekeeper in the DID System. And I currently hypothesize that Hopper is also possible part of that same DID System and that Hopper is a protector and potentially also a gatekeeper. (Hopefully I will find the time to write a new post about Hopper sometime in the near future.)

The questions that I keep asking myself are: what if some moments in the story are not actually taking place in the ‘real world’ even within the Stranger Things universe? What if many moments in the series so far have been fantastical because they were moments in characters’ lives that were re-imagined by their subconscious mind in order to cope with trauma? Not hallucinations (because as Hopper says “these aren’t nightmares, it’s happening”) but imaginative re-workings of "what happened” in their life that are easier for their mind to process. PTSD and internal flashbacks and also reworked memories that manifest themselves more symbolically and metaphorically within fantastical internal worlds.

Many movies on the Stranger Things 4 Video Store Friday movie list encourage me to continue questioning the boundaries between Stranger Things characters’ physical lives and what they might be experiencing as flashbacks or as memories within internal worlds and different states of consciousness. A few films on the list which inspire me to question what might be going on in Hawkins and what Hopper, El, and Will (and many other characters) might be dealing with include Altered States, The Fisher King, The Matrix, Inside Out, Inception, The Truman Show, What Dreams May Come, Drop Dead Fred, The Cell, The Neverending Story, and many others.

The first season of Stranger Things had a lot of artistic and thematic strength in its mystery and layers of ambiguity, but I suspect that once Stranger Things was renewed and they knew that they could have multiple seasons they began planning how to reveal what’s going on behind the curtain of mystery in a meaningful way by the end of the story.

The big question is: what has been happening in these characters’ lives? Am I “overthinking things” as some of my friends have told me? Is it really “not that deep?”

Here are a few blogposts that I have written on this topic in which I explore some of my thoughts regarding what might be happening in the series if Stranger Things is about a DID System, internal worlds, and alters dealing with trauma:

🧠 What is going on with the eerie parallels between Will and El?

👀 My response to an Ask: "Do you think there’s any relation or symbolism between a Brenner and Lonnie other than being shitty/abusive father figures?"

🦸‍♀️ My response to an Ask: "What are the source of their powers?" in which I share my "first layer" and "second layer" meta theories/thoughts (re: The DID Theory) + a brief follow-up Ask regarding the concept that El's powers might only exist in internal worlds if she is a fictive alter

🏞 My response to an Ask: What do you think is going to happen with the Upside Down especially if Will and El's connection grows?

In this post I briefly address how El, if she were a teenage girl alter that exists in an internal world of the mind but who is sometimes conscious in Will’s body in the “real world”, would have experiences comparable to those of a trans girl

Truthfully: I am at the point that I speculate that nearly all of the characters exist as alters either exclusively or are introjects which are alters based on people that the DID System knows that exist in the external world. But I realize that would be quite the plot twist and might push the question of “what is real?” farther than some fans might be willing to go.

I recognize that this is a lot of information and theoretical content and blog links to provide to you in response to your general Ask but I wanted to offer you reference points and direct you to other blog posts regarding this theory in case you wanted to learn more about the evidence and analyses that led me and a few other bloggers to these hypotheses. If you have any other questions regarding my theories regarding what might be happening in Stranger Things (whether that’s this topic or others) please don’t hesitate to send me another Ask or to DM me directly. I always enjoy talking about ideas with other fans. :)

If this concept interests you I know that kaypeace21 would greatly enjoy sharing her own theories with you and answering any questions you have. I highly recommend that you visit her blog, read her posts, and message her if this topic interests you because my thoughts are often very different from hers and you might enjoy reading both of our blogs for two different theories based around the same hypothesis: that Will has dissociative identity disorder and that this influences all events in the series. If you are interested in reading about her current analysis that hypothesizes that superpowers are real in Stranger Things, that Will has dissociative identity disorder, and that both monsters and some other characters have emerged from Will’s subconsciousness into the “real world” of Hawkins then I recommend reading these two blogposts that she wrote: 🧠 Part 1: Will Created the Mindflayer and Upside-Down Theory + Part 2: Some of your favorite characters are Will’s split personalities (psych/narrative analysis) CW: abuse, sexual assault, psychological trauma (a content warning is also noted before the section in the post itself.)

I do agree with many aspects of kaypeace21′s theories and I think she explains how dissociative identity disorder might influence many events of the story so far in a way that I do find compelling, but the critical difference between our hypotheses is that kaypeace21 currently proposes that Stranger Things features characters with DID that also have superpowers (like David Haller in X-Men) but I currently think that the vast majority of what we have seen on screen in the series so far is “not real” and exists only within characters’ minds and I do not believe that El has any superpowers except when she is within internal worlds. (And that’s a fairly notable difference.) I also don’t think that the Mindflayer exists as a blobby mass of melted people except within internal worlds in their mind. I wonder if the vast majority of season 3 took place entirely in an internal world version of Hawkins and when Will said “what if we locked him out here with us?” to El that he might have been more accurate if he had said “what if we locked him IN here with us?” in very simple terms: I want to know if Will has actually woken up yet from being sedated in season 2 at all, or maybe whether he's sometimes present in the external world but then sometimes switches back to the internal world, etc. (But perhaps the events of season 4 will invalidate this thought of mine. I look forward to seeing what happens!)

Thank you again for your message. I hope my response wasn’t too rambling, that I didn’t repeat myself too much, and that it remained coherent in spite of how late at night I am writing this. I might return and edit this in the morning. (I’m wrapping up this reply at 12:56 AM but I started writing this at 10PM. Time flew by! Time for sleep.) Goodnight :)

#stranger things theory #stranger things theories #the did theory #stranger things is perhaps about a did system + internal worlds alters and trauma #el and will #will and el #and hopper #and many others

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matthewstiles · 3 years

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My Thoughts on Organized Religion (and how they relate to Prince Andor)

At age twenty-two, I was in the process of trying to convert my ex so we could go to Heaven together when I realized how inverted my priorities were. She made a persuasive argument for the all-embracing love of Christ (she's agnostic) and I realized that it would be better to go to Hell for loving someone than to go to Heaven while she burned. Basic turnaround. Happens to a lot of people. It had been growing in me for a few years. I'd been trying to rationalize sorrow in Heaven. It wasn't clicking. I was somewhat fresh out of that transformation when I wrote Mianite Season Two at twenty-five, but we’ll get to that later. Science and religion are two halves of a whole. At its best, science says what is physically or empirically true – the sun is at the center of the solar system, for instance – and waits to proclaim that truth until all other possibilities have been reasonably excluded. At its best, religion says what is metaphysically or metaphorically true: for instance, the Son (Christ) hangs at the figurative crux of creation, exemplifying courage, honesty, self-sacrifice, and other virtues toward which humankind should strive. Religion can proclaim that truth anytime and anywhere because it’s eternal, ingrained in the human psyche. However, problems arise when religion enters the domain of science by presuming to tell us how the world was made, who is in charge of it, what really happened in the murkiest annals of history, and what is coming. Having been raised Christian, I have some idea of what's going on in religious people's heads. I can reconcile their dogmas with the ideas they’re suppressing—the same ideas I used to suppress. I can do the same with the anti-religious, who can be just as dogmatic in their rejection of any lesson derived from religious tradition. Religion isn't just a tacky cultural layer that can be stripped off to reveal independent, morally upright humans. Religion arose from our desire to make sense of our ideas, the world we live in, and the unknown surrounding us. It arose from our desire to impose our will on the chaotic, crumbling reality we're born into and transform it into habitable order—in a word, Paradise. Religion has inspired and improved human civilization for much of history. We have it to thank for some of our greatest achievements. However, at its worst, religion has murdered us like a tyrannical king and stifled us like a lonely mother. We're growing out from under its current form and inviting it on a journey of upward transformation. If it can’t join us, we’ll cast it off. A kernel of truth has been growing deep in the body of religious teaching. It holds the accumulated ideas of those who seek truth, not just a semblance of it, and contemplate its coming rather than push their preconceptions of it on the world. These are the sorts of thoughts that can be married to science. I'd hate to leave the kernel behind. However, I accept that I might be among the few who feel this way and that a day might come when talk of such things is no longer socially acceptable. If that day comes, we will pay a heavy toll for our silence. Spirituality might be described as disorganized religion. At its root lies the idea that each human inherently knows that there is more to the world than we may ever be able to see. Those invisible things are real and personal and touch every one of us individually. For all its fanfare, organized religion is the same. Almost every religion has an element of the incomprehensible. In Christianity, the Holy Spirit shapes our lives in subtle yet powerful ways. In Hinduism or Buddhism, the mysterious machinations of Karma are at constant work. Many religions include rites of tribute to ancestral spirits and elusive otherworldly beings who command power over us. All of these doctrines and traditions are calls to humility. Anyone who thinks they understand the totality of existence – whether a priest or a scientist – is laid low by the revelation of something outside their control. Yes, everyone might have an intrinsic respect for the unknown, but it's damned easy to forget. It's damned easy to become a totalitarian and murder countless people for a corrupt ideology you take for gospel. That's where that tiny, long-grown kernel of truth comes in. It gives rise to Christs, Siddharthas, and Prince Andors who tear the corrupt establishment in half—not with a sword, but with the Word. Ideally, such figures pave the way for the free exploration of ideas and the hard-earned discovery of verifiable truth. However, in the case of Jesus, the truth he declares has been widely read as empirical in nature, enabling despots and bigots to exploit his message for political gain. We need more messiahs whose mission of liberation can be seen through to the end. The likes of Jesus, Gandhi, and MLKJ all took steps toward freeing people from oppression. Their adherence to some sort of religion played a large part in galvanizing their followers. It's the symbology. It's the beauty of the language. It's the sense of looking up at Paradise and climbing toward it. There's even an element of organized religion in the way we memorialize victims like George Floyd. That sort of mentality spurs action. It makes us brave and ready to give up everything for something greater. Prince Andor is a religious character as well as a religious figure. He represents the seed of true religion breaking free from the rotten husk of religious ideology. While Helgrind, claiming to know the path out of earthly misery, takes Mianite as the salve to all his woes and coerces others to do the same, Andor suspects there’s more to the story. He doesn’t know what, but there has to be something. He faces the unknown forthrightly. He studies and waits. He doesn’t know where Ianite is. He doesn’t know if she’s even still alive. Year after year he calls to her because she represents the last hope he has: the hope that the scales might shift and his father's tyrannical grief weigh a little less. And then – lo and behold – four heroes fall from the sky! His prayers are answered.

#I said I was gonna stop posting lol #happy with this tho #I'm not asking anyone to start happily thumbing through the Bible because God knows that book's done horrible things to people #but yeah give it some thought if you want

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andromeda3116 · 5 years

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man, i’d forgotten how good feet of clay is, and how relevant

i mean, it’s got:

commentary on slavery (given how we use them, maybe we’re scared because we know we deserve it)

commentary on labor rights, when dorfl is given ownership of himself and goes on his (for lack of a better term) rampage

and yet a deep understanding of how the human psyche works (you say to people, throw off your chains, and they just make new chains for themselves?)

explores the definition of personhood, how if a golem is a thing then it can’t commit murder and if it can commit murder then how they’ve been treating golems is indefensible

the poetic beauty and horror of being poisoned by the candlelight

the core of vimes’s personal philosophy is exposed, but subtly, when he visits cockbill street and he thinks about how he grew up dirt-poor but his granny always said that no one was too poor to buy soap -- on cockbill street, mostly what you ate was your pride. because cockbill street people, in spite of their absolute poverty, still believed that there were rules. and who, on the disc, is more the avatar of law and order, true law rather than the kind that lets rich people do whatever they like, than samuel vimes?

the one-off joke (oft-repeated, long before terry pratchett) of there never being any female dwarves being brought back up again to comment on trans rights; you can be any sex you like provided you act male. cheri coming into her own and, bit by bit, claiming her own femininity, even though it’s deeply against her culture to do so, and many people treat her with open disgust and refuse to stop calling her “him”.

vimes going from thinking of golems as objects with nothing behind their eyes to demanding that dorfl be given a voice so he can speak for himself, and swearing him in as a watchman

also, in a smaller way, getting to see the genuinely kind side of vimes, when he’s speaking with mildred easy, who took the candle-ends and extra food home with her and was terrified that she’d be arrested at her grandmother’s and little brother’s funeral for it (it is [stealing], vimes thought treacherously. but i don’t give a damn.) because there is a difference between taking the odds and ends from the palace to feed a fussy baby and your old granny, and stealing out of greed

the absolute tragedy at the beginning, of dorfl trying to save father tubelcek by putting a copy of his chem in his mouth, a tragedy that doesn’t become clear until much later in the book. he tried to save the priest the only way he knew how, with his own holy words.

god, the horror of the golems solemnly and silently killing themselves, leaving behind nothing but shattered pottery and slates written in all-caps anguish SHAME and CLAY OF MY CLAY

that they made themselves a king to save them, my god, they built themselves a savior out of their own bodies, but all their needs and all their suffering and all their hopes drove it mad, it makes you hurt

what makes the lesser pawns of the villain evil, the ones who weren’t involved in the big plot, but just went along with it for the money: you caused the death of an old lady and a baby down in cockbill street. --were they important?

were they important -- somehow, that’s the coldest and most evil line spoken by any character in the whole book, maybe even the series as a whole, it’s at least up there

and then

you gave one of them a VOICE? ... that’s blasphemy!

that’s what people say when the voiceless speak.

i just. i could keep going forever. i just. god.

#discworld #terry pratchett #gnu terry pratchett #feet of clay #discworld meta #i guess?#seriously it's so hard to explain why these books are so amazing to people who've never read them because they just see 'comic fantasy'#and it's like #there is SO MUCH MORE to these books than humorous gags about fantasy tropes #there are so many parts and lines and passages that have made me put the book down and stare at the wall for a while #and i can quote those passages endlessly but the context makes them carry so so so much weight

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mimzy-writing-online · 4 years

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I hope this question isn't too stupid, but you're one of my favorite writing blogs so I'll give it a shot. I want to write a FanFic based on the 1971 version of Willy Wonka. I wanted the story to tell Violet Beauregarde's story, the one that turns into a blueberry. However, I have SOME questions as I'm fairly new to FanFic. 1). Am I better off focusing on each kid's perspective, going back and forth? Or is it good to narrow my focus one one character? 2). Can I give them a character arch, li

(2/3) like Violet's really mean in school but she becomes kind after her experience at the factory. Is that too cliche or predictable? 3). Why does she try waddling away after her blueberry transformation and the Oompa Loompas are singing/dancing around her? They're trying to help her, and I don't really get why she'd do something like that. 4). What are tips to better understand the characters I want to flesh out? I guess it circles back to the last question, understanding their psyche. Yikes

(3/3) Yikes! Super sorry this ask is long. And I'm even more sorry if my questions were lame or you've covered them before. :P. I can overthink at times, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my writing. I'm such a perfectionist storyteller, it's not even funny. I hope my questions aren't bothering you. You're one of my favorite writing blogs, so I figured I could come to you. I apologize in advance for wasting your time. You DO NOT have to reply at all if you don't want to. :P Thanks, have a great week

First and foremost: this is not a stupid question, you are not wasting my time at all. This is actually a rare treat for my blog because I don’t get many asks that don’t involve blindness, though I usually know better how to answer those than I do other questions. So, here we go:

Are you better off focusing on each kid’s perspective, going back and forth? Or is it better to narrow your focus onto one character?

The general rule of writing is to simplify. If two background characters serve a similar purpose, just combine the characters, for example. Slimming down extra scenes that don’t contribute to plot or character development.

However, that advice is meant for people publishing novels, working within an overflowing industry, dependant on sales and royalties. They have to meet whatever industry standards are, like word count or POV types. They have to find someone willing to take them on as a client because they love that book.

Fanfiction is not bound by such nonsense. Fanfiction is a beautifully lawless land where capitalism cannot influence it. What defines what you do with fanfiction is if you enjoy reading it, and if you have the steam to continue a long project.

Some people easily write 200,000k fics within a matter of weeks or months (or in my case, just once, two years). Some people work best with short fics. Both (and everything in between) are wonderful.

So, how much steam do you have for this project? How long do you think you can carry it and still finish it? Because that defines how big you should plan to make this project. If you don’t think you can write a long fic, then maybe just stick to one character.

A compromise between the two is to focus primarily on one character, and examine the other characters more briefly. This could be done in just a single POV chapter, or a handful. This could be done with the characters connecting and seeing the side character through your main character’s eyes, seeing how they’ve changed.

There’s no wrong answer. This fic is for your enjoyment primarily. No matter what you write, it will appeal to at least a few people, if not crowds. But your fun comes first, both literally and figuratively. Write for you, write to explore the story for yourself.

Can you give them a character arc like Violet’s where she becomes kinder after her experiences in the factory? Is that too cliche or predictable?

I wouldn’t call it predictable, because I’d expect everyone to go into completely different directions because they were all such unique and individual people before they entered the factory, and they were foiled by their own quirks.

Violet was mean and fake, she was demanding. I don’t know how much I want to speculate on the plotline you have going for her, how you’ll develop her to make her want to be more kind.

But I would love to speculate on the others.

Agustus Gloop?

I feel like his experience in the chocolate river and almost drowning would make it hard to enjoy chocolate ever again. I think it would be a long time before he had any sweets. Also, because of his weight, I imagine there’s got to be some body-image issues hiding under the surface. I’d also put money on him being bullied, and him acting out against the students who bully him and because of his size he is more intimidating, but that doesn’t stop people from saying things behind his back.

I imagine the chocolate thing is a form of self-comfort. Maybe he turns to other foods to over-eat with to cope. Maybe eventually he figures out that this isn’t helping him. Does he try to replace unhealthy foods with healthier ones? (idk, I have a personal turn off on getting into the concept of dieting, so I’m not going to dig in much there).

I’d like to see him learn to love himself, develop some body neutrality, that his body doesn’t define who he is or what his worth is. That he becomes okay with who he is as he grows up. People who are happy and comfortable with themselves are generally nicer and easier going than people who aren’t. Maybe with some self-love, he’ll be kinder to others.

Veruca Salt?

Okay, I have a confession. My brain thought of her when discussing Violet. I haven’t seen either of the films in years.

Well, let’s thank Wikipedia everyone, the greatest gift of the internet.

Veruca does come across as a spoiled brat. Her parents shower her in material objects, which might mean something. I have a close friend who hates people buying things for him or giving him gifts that cost money. This has to do with a parent buying him things out of guilt after episodes of emotional abuse. I asked him a while back what he wanted for his birthday (I meant baked goods, I bake or cook special meals as birthday gifts for my friends. A has asked for chocolate chip cookies for three birthdays in a row now. Several friends ask for cookies for Christmas). Anyway, my friend had a panic attack and couldn’t respond until an hour later.

Maybe there’s something to that.

What does she think about money as she grows up? Does her love language continue to be gifts? I think it might one day be quality time. Maybe it is now. It’s common for rich parents to be absent and barely spend time with their kids because of work and extravagant social lives that sort of money gives them access to, meaning they barely have time in the day to spend with their kids. Maybe gifts are the only way she can make sure her parents still care, the only way she can get their attention?

Mike Teavee?

Apparently in the movie credits his last name is spelled Teevee. But I’m obsessed with tea (and this is the point where I remember my tea and wonder if I’ve let it go cold because I got too focused. Nope, it’s still there). So it’s Teavee here.

Wikipedia describes him as a young boy who only watches TV, nothing but TV. He’s especially interested in cowboys and Western films. He comes across as a know-it-all. He’s easily annoyed but gets along with others.

Anyone have a guess at where I’m going with this?

Mike is neurodivergent. I mean, that’s my new headcanon. I lean towards ADHD because that’s what I project, but like everything else, his interpretation is in the eye of the beholder. Every viewer sees something different in him.

Some common ADHD (and autism) experiences beyond having a specific interest is how others react to your special interest. You get used to people getting bored when you talk about your interest for the thousandth time, but it’s still important to you, but not to someone whose opinion matters to you. RSD is probably common.

Wikipedia says he’s described as lazy in the books? Common ADHD “symptom,” or rather something that outside viewers label as laziness. Really, he just doesn’t have the motivation to do any of those other things.

And Charlie?

Did anyone think I wouldn’t have any thoughts on Charlie, our hero and protagonist?

Oh no, I have thoughts. Charlie goes to great lengths to set his family up comfortably, he becomes generous with his money. He also knows nothing about running a factory. I’m hoping Willy Wonka gives him some help there. But I bet adult Charlie is a stressed-out workaholic who tries to do everything and thinks he has something to prove, that he’s not just some random lucky child, that he can do this. Charlie totally gets a work-related anxiety disorder.

Those are my thoughts. I still think giving them Violet’s arc isn’t cliche or predictable, but rather completely different from what you think would happen to all those kids.

I mean, maybe a few of them are still little jerks in their adult lives. There’s no one road to grow up on, even if you’re four strangers who shared a similar traumatic experience.

Why does she try waddling away after her blueberry transformation and the Oompa Loompas are singing/dancing around her? They're trying to help her, and I don't really get why she'd do something like that.

They strange looking short men she’s literally never talked to, never seen or heard of before today, who’s already taken away two children by this point, all while singing a song about what terrible children they were.

And she’s scared because her body is doing something strange and scary and awful. She’s scared. She doesn’t know what to do. What will happen if these strange men take her away? She doesn’t know what happened to the other kids.

And they’re not really communicating they want to help, just singing cheerfully about how awful children are.

What are tips to better understand the characters I want to flesh out? I guess it circles back to the last question, understanding their psyche.

A lot of it is just watching real-life people and wondering why they are the way they are. Listening to their reasoning and what they tell you about who they are and where they come from.

I know people who grew up like Agustus with using over-eating as a way to self-comfort, and the bullying they experienced. I know that if a kid was physically bigger than his bullies, maybe he’d fight them to make them stop and leave him alone. People who go through that journey of learning that their body doesn’t define who they are, accepting it because it is theirs and it takes care of them.

(Which reminds me of a post I like that pops around here and there, that positive body image should be about more than how “sexy” your curves make you look. A person shouldn’t have to be sexy to be treated like a person. A person shouldn’t have to be sexy at all if they don’t want to, especially not all the time, and especially not a child. And there are a lot of obese children in the world who don’t have any positive body image messages designed for them)

I learned what my friend’s love languages are and why they have them and what they mean. Which is why I have that theory for Veruca.

Mike is just self-projection and listening to other neurodivergent people when they describe their life experiences or listening to their theories when they say a character is neurodivergent too.

I won’t lie, my theory on Charlie is based entirely on the Avatar: the Last Airbender fandom’s common head-canon that Zuko becomes a workaholic after he becomes Firelord. There might be some canon material in the comics that supports that, but I’ve never seen it. I think Zuko and Charlie have a similar vibe and that those three years Zuko struggled, and Charlie’s entire life before the factory make them both feel like they need to be perfect and do everything right to prove they deserve the job they’re given and that their backgrounds don’t define their worth.

Thank you so much for your ask anon!

And again, you are not a bother. I enjoyed digging into this movie I’d never thought in depth about until tonight. And you’re not alone, lots of writers are overthinkers and perfectionists. You are in good company. Our writing and fanfiction community welcomes and loves you <3

And thank you for your kind words! I’m so happy that you love my blog so much <3 It made my day to read that

Take care anon, and good luck in your writing :)

#writing advice #fanfiction #writeblr #anon #charlie and the chocolate factory #Anonymous

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theholycovenantrpg · 3 years

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CONGRATULATIONS, MIMZ! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF RAPHAEL.

Admin Rosey: I never really thought that Raphael’s application would be so f u n to read. Macabre? Absolutely. Impassioned? Of course. But hilarious to the point where I was giggling? Definitely unexpected but that is what made this so enjoyable and it is ultimately why this application received a r e s o u n d i n g yes from each of us. There was a perspective that I always envisioned for Raphael but was never able to articulate it myself until you laid it out, word by word, with this application, Mimz. Raphael is such a multi-faceted and character that holds so much potential, and the way that you wove it into every aspect of the application made this so fun to read. Thank you so much for taking the time to produce such a wonderful application! Your faceclaim change to Kendrick Sampson has been approved. Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias

mimz

Age

Personal Pronouns

she/her

Activity Level

i’ll typically check the dash every day, and i try not to keep replies stewing for longer than a couple of days! that said i can be a little slow, especially around exam seasons.

Timezone

pst

Triggers

REMOVED

How did you find the group?

miss minnie bleubeard’s blog

IN CHARACTER

Character

raphael, with a fc change to kendrick sampson

What drew you to this character?

short answer: divine amorality sexy HAHAHAHA

long answer: there was something i read a little while ago about some of the best surgeons being able to dehumanize their patients to a rather frightening degree. there’s a level of abstraction that you need in order to not let your empathy get in the way of the practice of medicine; ultimately, a body is a body is a body, right? and then there’s the moral quandary of healing - it is a doctor’s duty to heal, but what does that actually mean? to what extent is a doctor’s duty to relieve suffering? to obstinately prolong life? if the body heals but the mind still ails, is a person healed? what i’m getting at, here, is that in some ways the healer is the most dangerous character of all.

when i read raphael’s bio, there was a quote in that article from a surgeon named david cheever that came to mind: “as a result of anaesthetics, the surgeon ‘need not hurry; he need not sympathise; he need not worry; he can calmly dissect, as on a dead body.’” to me, raphael is an explosion and expansion of this concept. raphael is, quite literally, a medical ethicist’s worst nightmare, and to me, that’s absolutely fascinating. without sympathy, what separates a healer from an educated control freak with a god complex? with raphael, we can extend this concept to its furthest extreme. raphael isn’t even human - how could he even begin to sympathize with an experience so foreign to him? why would he worry about something trivial as human suffering when it essentially exists as a theoretical concept to him? divine beings have no reason to play by human rules, and as a creature raised by god’s side raphael was so far removed from the concept of human suffering that it’s sort of a no-brainer that he developed a sick fascination with it, like a child who managed to con their parent into buying a grand theft auto game and is obsessed with running over pedestrians because the stakes never quite feel real. it’s a perspective i’d absolutely love to explore in a group rp setting because the nature of rp means that it’s kind of...completely unsustainable? like as writers we’re shoving these characters together, which means that raphael will have to be exposed to mortals. there’s room for a lot of character development there, and it seems like something extremely interesting to explore.

BUT HERE’S THE THING⁠—and this is where the character gets really fun, in my opinion. i’ve talked a fair bit about god complexes already, but when applied to raphael an interesting question is raised: how much is a complex, and how much of it is actually being divine? what really made me want to get my grubby little hands on the reins of raphael’s story was seeing the disconnect between the way his connections are written from raphael’s perspective versus the other character’s perspective. it’s a fun little hubristic shade that makes him an unreliable narrator and infinitely more interesting than a simple morality thought experiment. i think it’s easy to see raphael as this super cool, all-powerful master manipulator (i think that’s a pretty accurate take on his self-image, in fact), but he’s not the only player in this game. for every pawn he’s trying to move, there is someone else trying to use him in a similar way, and i don’t know that he truly understands the ramifications of that. see, i think it’s easy to reduce raphael to the points i discuss in the previous paragraphs because that’s what he wants you to think of him. but this is a world of gods and superpowers and magical political intrigue and game of thrones doesn’t exist so nobody can tell him that he’s on the path to becoming a cersei lannister (admittedly i haven’t watched got so this reference might not be right but i feel like it’s right so uh. yeah!). maybe i just like to see arrogant men getting knocked down a peg? this might be a projection of that. i dunno. i just know that there are quite a few mind games and mental gymnastics to untangle with raphael and that’s fun. he’s fun.

also. i would like to once again reiterate: divine amorality sexy. it’s not good, to be clear, and i don’t condone it, but i’m just saying.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character?

WHEN THE CITY CRUMBLES AROUND YOU AND YOU HOLD ITS VESTIGES IN YOUR HANDS, WHOM DO YOU BLAME?

i think Raphael’s big character arc revolves around a simple question: how far are you willing to go to achieve what you want?

ostensibly, it’s an easy answer: very far. but when your desire is antithetical to your very purpose, when chasing it puts you at odds with the thing you’ve worked to build, do the goalposts move?

(the correct answer is that raphael did not build caelum. he simply destroyed god.)

let’s say, hypothetically, that raphael gets what he wants. the world is thrown into war and chaos and destruction, yadda yadda, raphael gets his blood and his suffering, great. he’s lived through this before (a couple times, actually), so you think he’d realize by now—eventually, the dust will settle. people will tire of suffering. and where will that leave raphael? how many times will you remake the world to watch it burn? can you ever be fulfilled chasing a temporary high?

(the correct answer is no, but raphael is an immortal being. more importantly, he is a patient one. he will wait a million days for rome to be built, if only to witness the single day in which it will burn.)

i think raphael needs to reckon with these questions. i think he’s lived far too long with his mentality unquestioned and that has made him both insufferable and a major threat to society. this is a long and pretentious way to say that raphael honestly kind of needs a hobby whatever the thc-verse equivalent of therapy is, but i think any sort of positive character development is contingent upon a recontextualization of suffering and chaos and raphael’s masks.

of course, this isn’t to say that introspection will only lead to positive character development. perhaps a raphael who looks deeper into his psyche will come to understand that his desires outweigh his role; perhaps such thoughts will push raphael over the edge of propriety and into something more outwardly despicable. no matter what, though, i think that the direction of raphael’s character development will be largely shaped on how he decides to prioritize his⁠ roles and goals.

FOR WHOM DO THESE HANDS HEAL?

let’s discuss the archangels, shall we? despite it all, raphael genuinely loves his brothers. i would argue, even, that raphael believes that his scheming is in service to the other archangels; he’s not blind to the way complacency has softened the angels. at this point, the only true threat to the angels is themselves—if michael wants to to unlock a state of sanctifying grace, it will happen at the hand of one of his kin.

i spoke earlier about raphael’s goals ultimately being futile. this is largely because they are diametrically opposed to michael and gabriel’s goals, and while raphael knows this intellectually, i don’t think he’s quite thought about what the long-term implications of that conflict entails. he’s so caught up in the conflict between michael and gabriel that he��s neglected to consider how he factors into the dynamic. could he be the common ground that brings michael and gabriel together? could he be the final straw that breaks them apart? he is excited for the fighting, the fallout; but has he stopped to consider what the long-reaching effects of such a rift may be?

raphael is breaking his family apart because he loves them. will that be enough, when he is sent to pick up the pieces? whose side will he fall on, if he is to pick a side at all?

DID PYGMALION FALL IN LOVE WITH THE BEAUTY OF HIS CREATION, OR THE BEAUTY HE CREATED?

i said this in the previous section but i’d like to reiterate it: i think a big reason raphael is Like That is because the stakes have never quite felt real to him. raphael’s a pot stirrer, but he’s not a creature of action. to this, i say give him real stakes. to be honest, i don’t know exactly what that entails, because i could see a number of ways in which tangible pressure manifests itself for raphael. perhaps his meddling with michael and gabriel steps too far, and his brothers perhaps the angels become suspicious of his maneuvering, in which the spider is drawn into his own web of intrigue. maybe we apply positive pressure, where the ails of the world require a healer and raphael is tapped to higher purpose⁠—and higher power. maybe raphael will find himself tempted by the very demons he holds in contempt.

the point is that raphael has largely been a character who acts through others. even now, we see this through his grooming of romilda, with his subtle manipulation of michael and gabriel. i want him to become a more active character, either by his own volition or by his hand being forced.

similarly, i’m extremely interested in seeing how raphael navigates the political elements of this verse. i expect it stings a bit to be the only archangel not given a position of leadership; perhaps he holds lingering resentment toward zadkiel for being given a role raphael had expected to receive. does he subtly undermine zadkiel’s leadership? i want to watch him play up tensions with the vices, to hide a vicious war-hawk perspective under the guise of a concerned healer. i want him to smile in abaddon and samael’s faces and plot their suffering in his mind. i want to see the snake slither in the grass, to return to his original form as a spider spinning a web of intrigue across his court. yes, i want a more active raphael, but i think the political drama is ripe for development, as well.

WHEN I SPIT UP MY SINS AND BEG FOR REPENTANCE, WHAT WILL COME UP?

this one’s a long shot, but i could maybe...see...raphael……..falling. i can guarantee you that the idea has never even crossed raphael’s mind, and that he would literally rather be smited than be cast out of caelum, but i can see it. i think he might be happier, actually; if he fell, he could really lean into the chaos and suffering thing without any compunction.

of course, this is something infinitely easier said than done. were raphael to be cast out of caelum, he would have nowhere to go. infernum would never take him⁠—he’s made far too many enemies among their ranks. he could wander the holy land, but he’s far too proud to bind himself to its existing social systems. (he wouldn’t be able to look gabriel in the eye.)

raphael would have absolutely nothing.

but he would also be free.

that’s right, i think that a horsemen-style liberation arc would be an absolute banger for raphael. again, i don’t think it’s feasible unless a very specific set of circumstances happen, but just imagine a raphael with nothing to lose, free to go absolutely apeshit. his only prerogative is to make sure you have a bad day. he is free to sow whatever chaos, whatever suffering he so wishes across the land. WHEW.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character?

yes, but i don’t see him going down easily.

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation

entomological curiosity, in short. consider: why did god leave the apple in the garden of eden? why do humans keep animals in glass cases? why do children burn ants with magnifying glasses?

raphael wants to observe the world. a good healer must understand his patients at a fundamental level, and such truths are only revealed when the subject is broken down to its basest parts. you see, raphael was weaned on temperance and virtue; there is a lush decadence to emotional extremes that he finds most fascinating. they are debased. they are crass. they are wantonly sentimental, in a garishly beautiful way.

but this is not all. he wants to stave off boredom, and these are the tools he has to play with. for all of his machinations, raphael is a simple being. raphael has no grand ambitions, no lofty ideals, and that is what makes him so dangerous. he wants to be amused. he wants to be stimulated. he wants to observe a world in which things happen.

ostensibly, this is not as selfish a motivation as it may seem. as a healer, raphael knows something that many do not: serenity cannot exist in perpetuity. it is impossible for the world to remain unchanged⁠—even if the change is not evident, it is happening. an eternal peace is all but a stagnation of the kingdom; the only thing stagnation breeds is degradation. the angels are weakening because they are not being challenged. michael and the virtues may be doing extensive research to find an alternate explanation, but raphael knows this to be the truth.

of course, the irony underlying the selfless explanation of raphael’s motivations reveals the truth of the matter: it is a farce. perhaps it is a lie that raphael has even convinced himself he believes, but it is farcical nonetheless. raphael claims he wants to invoke change because stagnation is dangerous, but riddle me this⁠—if this is true, why has raphael never changed? centuries upon centuries have passed, and the world has changed around him, but raphael himself has remained largely unchanged. he is the orchestrator of change, not its agent nor its subject, and that is just the way he would like things to stay.

Character Traits

CHARISMATIC - there’s a reason very few have cottoned on to raphael’s true nature, and it’s not (just) his pretty face and magical girl-esque aura. there’s something effortlessly captivating about raphael, a pace to his cadence that has you hanging on to his every word, a lightness to his smile that makes you want to coax it out whenever and however you can. everything about raphael puts people at ease, except for his eyes, which tend to put people on edge if he’s not careful. he’s not gregarious or the outgoing sort of charismatic by any means, but he does manage to exude an overwhelming charisma.

PATIENT - it’s important to remember that before raphael turned on god, he waited for him. raphael performed healings for centuries and never raised a hand against his father in that time. think of all the angels that fell, that rebelled; raphael was not among them. no, raphael played the dutiful son, allowing his resentment to fester and boil deep underneath his skin, but never to surface. for centuries he served loyally, biding his time. remember: lucifer fell. raphael did not. which one killed god? as i mentioned in the plot section, raphael will wait a million days for rome to be built to witness the single day it burns. prolonged suffering is perhaps the most beautiful of all. fortitude goes hand-and-hand with patience.

INTELLIGENT - in a few ways. raphael is well-studied, with extensive knowledge of biology and chemistry and history and politics. raphael is emotionally intelligent; he hides his true nature behind a veneer constructed to meet expectations. he may not be as talented as gabriel in this regard, but it is a skillful construction nonetheless.

MANIPULATIVE - i mean. yeah.

ARROGANT - he thinks he’s smarter than god???????????????? tbf god was a bit of a headass in this universe but we’ve all read enough tragedies to know where this kind of hubris ends up going.

CRUEL - there’s a bit to unpack here. i’d argue that there are two types of cruelty: malicious cruelty and callous cruelty. raphael is certainly capable of both, but i think he embodies the latter. with certain notable exceptions, raphael’s cruelty is rarely personal; it is a thoughtless sort of cruelty, the type inflicted upon beings considered expendable. raphael is selfish and petty and powerful, and these traits coalesce into a casual cruelty.

In-Character Para Sample cw: light gore

Look at how they look at him. God’s good little lambs, lined up all in a row, passive and pliant and patiently awaiting benediction. Patiently waiting for Raphael.

Raphael hates them.

No. This is false. It is difficult for Raphael to muster up stronger feelings toward mortals than a vague sort of amusement, the sort of affinity one might have for a particularly stupid kit when it does something surprisingly clever. In this regard, he understands that he differs from his kin. Gabriel, in particular, has developed a particular fondness for the mortals. Why anyone would wish to strip mortals of their most fascinating behavior⁠—to the point of openly defying their Father⁠—is beyond Raphael. He has given up on trying to reason with his brother on the matter.

The first supplicant is beckoned forward. They pray to the Lord and Raphael touches their forehead with one palm, cups their chin with the other. His fingers splay carelessly around a throat all but bared to him and the ceremony is so mechanical Raphael allows his thoughts to wander⁠.

How easy it would be to tighten his grip. How beautiful it would be, to watch the lamb’s naive adoration flash into fear, to watch fear darken into betrayal and resentment and the most beautiful emotion of all: despair. He can feel the pulse at his fingertips. It would quicken in a stress response, he knows. It would quicken, then it would pound, and then maybe it would stop. It all falls to Raphael’s whim. In this moment, Raphael holds their life in his hands. They have all but laid on his sword for the promise of absolution and when they look up at Raphael with their dumb, trusting eyes he can see the sparkling tracks where tears once fell, down the hollow of a cheek into the pool of a collarbone. He finds himself overcome with the desire to trace the fall with his tongue. “Give me your pain,” he murmurs. Let me taste it. Let me understand.

He takes it. He does not taste it. He does not understand.

He releases the mortal. Those beautiful tear tracks are already fading. “The Lord be with you,” he says, and perhaps he even means it. His Father’s gaze burns into his back, even from a world away. He’d laugh at the irony, were he free to. Is this the weight you so desire? he wants to ask the devotee. No, Raphael knows the truth: God’s love is a shackle. God’s love is a leash and it is holding Raphael back from his fullest potential.

“And also with you,” the lamb responds. Their head is bowed obediently in prayer and they shuffle away, appropriately awed. The next supplicant is beckoned forward.

The light of Raphael’s presence obfuscates the darkness in his eyes.

—

Later, much later, Raphael finds himself studying his hands. He flexes them, balls them into fists, stretches his fingers as far as they will spread.

How easy it would be to tighten his grip.

The hand is at once an individual unit and a summation of individual parts. The hand contains twenty-seven bones and thirty-four muscles connected by over a hundred ligaments and tendons. Wrists connect to metacarpals, which connect to carpals, which taper off into delicate phalanges. Individually, each of these parts are largely useless; were Raphael to take a scalpel and drag it through a tendon, across the joints, the strings would be cut and the puppetry would cease to dance. You would be left with a small pile of carpals and metacarpals and phalanges, loose strings of muscle and tendon. At times, it is difficult to fathom how such mundane component parts are the instruments of extraordinary acts.

Raphael flexes his hand, watches bone shift under skin. If he remembers correctly, mortals have an idiom about knowing your hands, or something along those lines. He will not pretend to be familiar with mortal culture. Did you know that, wings aside, mortals and angels all have the same bone structure?

Of course you did. It is common knowledge that God made all beings in His image, or so the story goes.

This is an easy answer, but one with interesting implications. Let us extrapolate. If mortals and angels are essentially biological mirrors, and each are made in the image of God, does that mean that God will bleed like His creations? Slide a scalpel across God’s knuckles—will His puppets cease to dance?

Raphael could find out. It would take only a single blade, sliced through a single tendon.

Now, Raphael is not so arrogant to believe himself the blade. He would not even consider himself the hand. Such a role requires a particular kind of conviction—

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in bitter disillusionment⁠—the sort inflicted upon Michael. How easy it would be to find himself in his brother’s ear, whispering of their Father’s capriciousness and the unnecessary cruelty that resulted for the poor, poor humans— )

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in righteous anger⁠—the sort inflicted upon Gabriel. How easy it would be to find himself in his brother’s ear, whispering of their Father’s neglect and the unnecessary cruelty that resulted for the poor, poor humans— )

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in a whetted hunger⁠—the sort God gifted to each of His angels. Hunger breeds hunters and heaven is full— )

—that Raphael simply cannot embody. Rage has never been his forte.

Consider, however, that the hand is controlled by nerve impulses. A spark is all the hand needs to transform from a collection of bone to an agent of action. Yes. He clenches his fists. Here are the bones, the veins, the tendons, the muscle. Angels and mortals all share the same bone structure.

Does God?

Extras

pinterest.

raphael has classically beautiful wings. i’m talking TEXTBOOK cherubic angel wings, with the sweeping white feathers and all. raphael kind of hates them, though he takes a great deal of pride in them.

raphael doesn’t have a signature weapon. he’s proficient with blades, yes, and fights with a surgeon’s precision, not the strongest nor the fastest but eerily efficient in his blows. but he is a healer—at the end of the day, his empty hands are all he needs. (his empty hands are what you should fear.)

raphael hates the heretics pro forma but. but. he cannot deny a certain...fondness for them. the heretics exhibited such dedication to a futile cause; they believed their suffering to be something noble. it’s a laughable notion, certainly, but a sentiment so distinctly human it’s almost charming. should they wish to return, to throw themselves on the knife over and over and over, well. raphael shall not complain. he shall smile beatifically, perhaps abate their suffering, even⁠—and watch them do it again.

in a modern au, raphael is a reality tv producer. ok actually he’s probably a surgeon but i think he’d make a very good reality tv producer. alternately, there is a universe out there where raph fixated on like...baking, or k-pop, instead of suffering. those are good timelines, i think. maybe not the k-pop stan timeline.

raphael is the living embodiment of that dwight schrute “we need a new plague” meme.

#accepted #accepted: raphael

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maryellencarter · 4 years

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Queer asks copied from @corelliaxdreaming :

1. Is your family accepting? -- Hah. No. My bio-family is not accepting at allllll, so I went and got myself an internet family instead.

2. What is your sexuality? -- Weird. The strongest part of my identity is Aromantic. I seem to be pretty much allosexual, maybe bisexual; most of the people I find myself attracted to are men within a fairly specific category (physically fit to muscular, at least as competent as me, kind, and often a bit dorky; I also have a weakness for clever hands and sexy voices), but the women I'm attracted to cover a much broader range of appearances and personalities. I fall pretty much in the category of the one Tumblr post that said something like "Being bisexual means you're attracted to three specific fictional men and all women", even though the attraction to men... feels... more attraction-y? I'm still really struggling to figure that difference out.

3. What is your gender identity? -- Sort of genderfluid, sort of genderqueer, sort of maybe agnostically agender? I used to ID really strongly as a trans man, and then after a year or so of being accepted, I found myself turning female. I bounced back and forth for a lot of years but seem to have settled down at a point where it doesn't especially matter to me most of the time. Which is a lot more comfortable than hurtling around to different points on the gender spectrum without warning.

4. Favorite color? -- Blue. Royal blue, mostly. That really deep sky blue you get sometimes during the fall. A bunch of really bright colors.

5. When did you find out your sexuality? -- Oh, it's been a process. For a long time I identified as asexual. It took me years to figure out I was actually romance-repulsed, and more years to figure out I had any attraction to women. I'm still sort of confused by that part. Like I mostly just want to look at them being pretty, but I also definitely want to look at their boobs? Maybe touch some boobs? I'm honestly not sure.

6. What do you wish you could tell your past self? -- Oh lord. Sexuality and gender wise? I'm not sure young me could have been hurried along the process of self discovery. I'd really like to tell her she was being abused and gaslighted and that she needed to take her great-aunt's offer of a free ride and major in geology *before* she broke her health, and maybe also tell her she needed a CPAP machine, but she might just think I was a temptation of the Devil. Also I'm not sure if the CPAP machine was an option before Obamacare. Or the psych meds she needed, either.

7. Have you changed labels since realizing you were queer? -- Oh yeah, all over the place. Asexual, trans, genderqueer, biromantic (for about a week), aromantic allosexual bisexual maybe pansexual... some people apparently even count PCOS as an intersex condition, since I have a lot more beard and chest hair than is normal for perisex women, to the point that I always have to explain to a new doctor that I'm not in fact on testosterone, my body just does that. I've never quite felt right claiming the intersex label, but I've tried on a lot of others. I think my header may still say "queer on every conceivable axis".

8. How was your day? -- Um. I got stuck wandering Cracked.com for most of it. Then I drove up to check out my pulmonologist's office, which doesn't *say* they're closed for the pandemic, so I guess I'll go up again on Thursday and poke them about whether my appointment still exists. Then I went and wandered around a very large very dead mall on that side of town, hatched a bunch of pokeymans, then came home and ate some split pea soup.

9. Do you have any queer friends irl? -- I don't have *any* friends irl, and it's kicking my ass. I have like one or two coworkers I could hypothetically hang out with outside of work if we weren't so all-fired busy. But if we're talking "friends I have seen irl at some point", I'm pretty sure they're all queer. They might also be limited to @tigerkat24 and one other person who doesn't use Tumblr, I'm not sure.

10. What's your favorite hobby? -- Probably knitting. It's soft and squishy and brightly colored, and it can be as brainless or as complex as I could possibly want.

11. Who's the best queer icon in your opinion? -- I honestly don't have an opinion. I've always been too far outside the community to figure out whomst the options were.

12. Which pride flags do you like the most design / color wise? -- Pansexual. I'd probably have a lot more pride merch if I IDed as pan, but it just never feels like it fits quite right.

13. Do you wish you could change any pride flags? -- YES. The aro flag is the exact same colors as the agender flag, just in a different arrangement, and it pisses me off because you can't distinguish aro merch from agender merch unless it's specifically flag shaped / has the stripe arrangement. I liked the yellow/orange/green/black aro flag, I found it much more cheerful, but apparently it was too similar to something Rastafarian. But you can't find alloaro flag merch at *all*, even though it has the green and yellow, which I like.

14. Are you openly out? -- Can't really help it, since I legally changed my name to a distinctively masculine one back in the day, and I do not remotely pass as male. So anybody who both sees or hears me and knows my legal name, knows there's *something* queerish going on. (I go by a gender neutral name these days, but haven't yet been arsed to change it legally because it's an entire hassle and a half.)

15. Are you comfortable with yourself? -- Mneh. I'm not *un*comfortable with my gender and sexuality, particularly. Sometimes I wish I could pass as male, sometimes I wish I could have cute cleavage. Sometimes I tie myself in knots with my feelings about women.

16. Do you experience dysphoria? -- I used to, very strongly. It hasn't been very aggressive lately.

17. Bottom, top, or verse? -- *shrugs* I guess I'd be a switch or "verse" because I'm down for whatever.

18. Are you femme, butch, or neither? -- I swing wildly between wishing to present Extremely Butch in a lumberjack style, which is impractical in the Southwest, or wishing to present Extremely Femme but being unable to do so, and tying myself in knots over the inability. (I can't wear femmey shoes due to my stupid feet, I can't have pierced ears as they get infected and the one pair of nice lightweight handcrafted earrings I paid $50 for is gone with the rest of my shit, I'm too lorge to find any nice dresses or be able to like try on prom dresses and stuff, I have a tendency to break jewelry as I'm extremely rough on my possessions... etc.) In practice my gender presentation is Fat Slob. :P

19. Do you bind? -- Not technically, but I do wear cheap sports bras which tend to flatten rather than lift or shape.

20. Do you shave? -- Only by necessity. I shave my face when I remember, because my beard looks extremely douchey and rather like pubes. Occasionally I shave my cleavage if I'm trying to present femmey. I pretty much never shave anything else unless the hair is getting Smelly.

21. If you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be? -- Um. Good question. The thing is, I am fairly strongly romance-repulsed, but I do want and enjoy queerplatonic relationships, so I would draw a distinction here between "dating" someone and being "in a relationship" with them.

22. Are you in a relationship? -- Yes, in fact.

23. Describe your partner. -- @camshaft22 . Um. She's very much the Hobbie to my Wes. She's very snarky and dies a lot and I love her very much.

24. Have you ever dated anyone of the same gender? -- Given that we're both genderfluid, I would say I'm in a relationship with someone of the same gender, yes.

25. Dated anyone of another gender? -- I've never dated or been in a relationship with anyone else, so I guess the answer is no.

26. Tell me a random fact about yourself! -- I always use this one, but I once lived in four different states (mostly non-contiguous) within a calendar month.

27. Do you own any pride flags / merch? -- No. I used to have a whole-ass collection that I added to every Pride, and then I lost all my damn shit and haven't had the heart to start looking again. Well, I have a rainbow necklace Kat sent me which is pretty nice. Can't wear it till my damn sunburn heals, though. :P

28. Have you ever been to a pride parade? -- Yes, when I lived in Bisbee. They have quite an excellent Pride which draws people from as far off as Denver.

29. Any advice to someone who isn't out or is exploring themselves? -- Take your time. It's okay if things change. You don't have to solve yourself all at once. It's more important to find people who will accept whoever you turn out to be.

30. Pineapple on pizza? -- I've honestly never tried it. Part of me feels like I should, in order to develop an opinion, and part of me feels like I'm just as happy being outside of that particular debate.

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hovercraft79 · 4 years

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Still Standing

Chapters: 1

Word Count: 5,114

Fandom: The Worst Witch (TV 2017)

Rating: Teen

Warnings: depictions of the aftermath of abuse, anger, misplaced anger

Summary: Safe from the clutches of the terrifying Mistress Broomhead, Hecate now must heal the wounds on her body as well as her soul. She’s lost her home, her confidence, her plans for the future. What she hasn’t lost is Ada.

Notes: This fic covers the Week 4 prompt ‘Retreat.’

The title comes the song “I’m Still Standing” by Sir Elton John. Hecate may have been through it, and may still have a ways to go, but she’s still standing.

Thanks to Sparky for her tireless work on these. She couldn’t believe we were actually doing this one on a Friday. In the daytime.

Ada slipped into the infirmary, nodding at the medi-witch as she made her way to the screened-off bed in the back corner. It had been three days since they’d brought Hecate back from Darkwood Cottage. She’d spent almost the entire time in a fitful sleep, waking only when the medi-witch tended the blistering wounds on her back.

In the days since Broomhead had been taken into custody, a dozen other witches had come forward, confirming that the same ‘methods’ had been inflicted on them. It was a veritable who’s who of teachers in the witching world. Ada was glad that Hecate had missed the flurry of publicity surrounding the report. She was doubly glad that Hecate’s background had remained out of the news.

She and her mother had circled endlessly around what to do next, finally realizing that that was a decision best left to Hecate. It didn’t stop Ada from making a list of suggestions, though.

Carefully stepping around the screen, Ada stopped short when she saw Hecate sitting up with Morgana in her lap. “Hello,” she whispered, warmed when Hecate’s face broke into a tired, but genuine smile.

“Ada…” Hecate leaned over and patted the chair next to her bed. “Miss Bismuth said you’ve been in to visit. I’m sorry I’ve missed you.”

“I daresay you needed your rest.” Dropping into the chair, Ada took Hecate’s hand in her own. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Sore.” She squeezed Ada’s hand. “Like a fool.” She pulled her hand free and returned to stroking Morgana. “I’m sorry to have caused you so much trouble. Again.” She cleared her throat and forced herself to continue. “I expect you’ll be looking for someone else to take over the potions classes next year.”

“Then you would be wrong,” Ada insisted. “You are still my first choice.” She ducked her head so she could look Hecate in the eyes. “You will always be my first choice.”

Hecate looked up at her with shining eyes. “Are you certain?”

“I’ve never been more certain about anything. Don’t let that horrible woman make you doubt yourself.” She waited for Hecate to think about what she was saying, relieved when the younger woman’s resolute nod finally came. “Good. Besides, not every witch can say her teaching credentials are signed by the Great Witch herself.”

“The Great Witch…?” Panic flashed across Hecate’s eyes. “She… knows?” Shamefaced, Hecate turned away. “Does everyone? What about Indigo? Does everyone know about that as well?” She pulled her knees up to her chest, jostling Morgana and causing her familiar to growl and resettle herself at the end of Hecate’s bed.

“No… it’s not like that.” Ada shifted over and sat on the mattress at Hecate’s feet. “Broomhead… Wormwood… whatever… is in custody. You know how small the witching world is. Once word got out, people came out of the woodwork with stories about how she’d treated them.” Ada forced her voice to stay calm, hiding her disgust and rage at the stories she’d heard. She knew Hecate would have similar stories, and it broke her heart. She feared Hecate would believe the disgust and rage was directed at her, and that broke Ada’s heart even more. “You’re something of a hero, Hecate. I know you don’t feel like it, but you’re the person who exposed that vile woman’s abuses.”

“All I did was try to survive… and protect Morgana.” She finally met Ada’s eyes. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You did survive. And you did protect Morgana.” Ada rubbed the familiar between her ears. She already looked more like herself – she’d put on some weight and her coat had regained its glossiness. Even the bald patch near her tail was already growing in, thanks to a variety of poultices and potions Ada had created for her. “You are the first person to figure out a way to get a message out. If you hadn’t sent Morgana… I don’t know what would have happened.” Ada shuddered. She did know. She’d read and re-read every story to have come out. She’d read until her mother had forced her to stop.

Sighing, Ada gave Hecate’s foot a squeeze. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through these past few months, but I’m here for you, and I will listen whenever you need to talk. If you need to talk. Mother’s also spoken with Miss Hagsmet, and she’s prepared to come anytime you’d like if you wish to speak with her.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Hecate shifted into a cross-legged position, hands fidgeting in her lap. “Miss Bismuth says I should be able to leave the infirmary tomorrow.”

“That’s good news!” Ada exclaimed before she noticed that Hecate didn’t seem pleased. “Isn’t it?” When Hecate stayed quiet, Ada persisted. “Hecate? Please. Tell me what you need.”

Hecate shrugged, wincing when she moved her shoulder. She didn’t say anything more for a long time. “I don’t… I don’t want to go back to the cottage. Not yet.” She finally looked up at Ada, embarrassment mingled with fear in her eyes.

“You don’t have to. Not now. Not ever if you don’t want to,” Ada reassured her. “Don’t give it another thought.”

A grateful smile flickered across Hecate’s face before disappearing. “Thank you. I’m content to go back to my hutch. I believe it’s currently being used as a storeroom.”

“You’re soon to be a teacher here Hecate; you don’t need to stay in one of the student hutches.” Certainly not a storeroom, Ada thought. “We can go ahead and get you set up on the faculty floor if you’d like.” Hecate shrugged again. “You don’t have to decide today. End of term is in a few days; there’s plenty of time to get things sorted.”

They both looked up as Nurse Bismuth peeked her head around the screen, telling them that it was time for her to tend to the wounds on Hecate’s shoulder.

-----

“Well, what do you think?” Ada asked nervously as she set down the cat carrier. “We can always go back to the castle if it doesn’t suit.”

Hecate looked around the cozy interior of the yurt. Warmth radiated from a pot-bellied stove that sat in the middle of the room. Plush chairs flanked an even plusher sofa all facing the stove. Behind it stood a small dining table with a pair of chairs. A spare but tidy kitchen lined one section of the curved wall while two beds lined the wall opposite. The only enclosed place, the loo, filled the remaining section. Colorful cushions and rugs created a warm, inviting space.

“You… you did all this for me?” Hecate looked at Ada in wonderment. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Ada unlatched the carrier, releasing Morgana and Pendle to explore the yurt. Alma had assigned Hecate a set of rooms on the faculty floor of the castle, but they needed some repair and wouldn’t be ready for a couple of weeks. Ada had taken the delay as an opportunity and asked Hecate if she might like to get away for a couple of weeks. Hecate had agreed, though her response had been less than enthusiastic. Hecate’s everything had been less than enthusiastic since her escape from Broomhead. She’d left the details to Ada, who had perhaps gone overboard rather than risk disappointing Hecate.

“I thought about a couple of sleeping bags and a tent, but…” Ada shrugged, grinning impishly. “It didn’t sound nearly as much fun.” She stepped closer. “It’s still not too late if you’d rather have the place to yourself. It won’t hurt my feelings, I promise.”

“I’m not sure I need any more time to myself at this point.” Hecate waved a hand, unpacking her clothes into a small cupboard at the foot of her bed. She looked at Ada, who seemed to be hesitating. “I’d appreciate the company.” Ada smiled and put her own things away. “I’ll make us some tea.”

For the third night in a row, Ada sat on the edge of her bed listening to Hecate in the throes of a nightmare. Outside the yurt, magic roiled through the air, whipping the tree branches together, howling in the darkness. Inside, the magic crackled in the air like static electricity, causing Ada to jump whenever it snapped against her skin. Morgana and Pendle both stood sentry over Hecate as she thrashed in her sleep. On the first night, Ada had learned the hard way that she should not try to wake her. Grimly, she pushed herself to her feet and padded over to the pot-bellied stove so she could make a pot of chamomile tea.

Just as the kettle boiled, Hecate sat up with a gasp, sending the cats running under the sofa. Ada brought her tea, sitting at the foot of Hecate’s bed until she calmed enough to take the cup with shaking hands. “I’m sorry…”

Ada waved her apology away. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, truly.” She summoned a cup for herself, and they sat together, sipping tea while Hecate’s breathing calmed. Shivering, Ada magicked another log into the stove before casting a slight warming spell for good measure.

The days had gone smoothly so far. Ada had located the yurt as far away from Darkwood Cottage as possible, in a lovely clearing near the edge of the lake. They’d spent their days walking, reading, playing chess, and planning for the upcoming term. Hecate had been hesitant about planning but, with Ada’s encouragement, had soon warmed to it.

Nights, though, nights were a different story. In her sleep, Hecate’s iron-willed control over her emotions slipped, allowing Broomhead’s abuses free reign over her psyche. “Do you want to tell me about it?” Ada asked, as she had each night so far. As of yet, Hecate hadn’t answer—

“I can’t do what she wants me to do…” she whispered, absently rubbing her ear. “It hurts and I can’t… I can’t make my magic work… Not the way she wants.” Hecate shook herself, bringing her eyes back into focus. “I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear…”

“I do,” Ada said, firmly. “But only when you’re ready to tell me. I’m here, but I won’t pry.” She also wouldn’t bring up Miss Hagsmet. She’d made that mistake the first night. Hecate wasn’t ready to speak to her counselor about any of this yet.

The next few days passed in much the same way – with two exceptions. On their sixth day, Alma had called Ada back to Cackle’s to deal with matters for the upcoming term. Hecate had decided to stay in the yurt. Ada had returned to find Hecate sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by the scattered contents of the yurt. The smell of uncontrolled magic hung heavy in the air. Hecate stared at a red scroll in her hands. Ada recognized it at once as an official communication from the Magic Council.

“Hecate?” She’d asked. “What’s happened?” She’d approached slowly, kneeling beside Hecate, who hadn’t said a word but had handed her the paper with shaking hands.

Ada had read it through twice. A summons. Hecate had been summoned to give testimony before the Great Witch about what she’d suffered under Ernestine Broomhead. A heavy coin, stamped with the Seal of the Great Witch had been included. It would allow Hecate to transfer directly to the Magic Council. Ada had hefted it in her hand while she searched for the words that might help Hecate. “You can practice with me, if you’d like,” she’d offered. Hecate had said nothing, and Ada had quietly gone about putting the yurt back in order.

The second exception… that had been yesterday. Hecate had been on edge since the summons – restless, distracted, with anger and magic running just beneath her skin. To make matters worse, a late winter storm had blown in, bringing howling winds and snow. Hecate had been occupied with making a pot of tea when Ada had accidentally knocked a teacup off the table. It shattered on the stone hearth of the stove. Before she realized what had happened, Ada found herself pressed against the wall, held by Hecate’s power so tightly she had to work to breathe. It took less than a handful of heartbeats for a horrified Hecate to realize what she’d done. She immediately released Ada, sobbing an apology before shutting herself away in the bathroom.

It had taken Ada hours of pleading to coax her out. Finally, Ada had convinced her that she had to use the loo herself and that Hecate had to come out. She had, but she’d neither spoken nor made eye contact with Ada since then.

Ada spent the rest of the day making tea, making soup, making pointless conversation. That night the nightmare came as usual. Ada waited with the tea as she always did, pointedly ignoring the glistening tears as they rolled down Hecate’s cheeks.

Now, Hecate sat silently across from her at their tiny table. Ada had made her favorite breakfast: egg white omelets with spinach and mushrooms they’d gathered on one of their walks. Three times Hecate had started to speak but lost her nerve.

Finally, she pushed the untouched omelet away. “I can’t… tell you how sorry I am, Ada. Yesterday… I don’t know what…” Hecate trailed away. “That’s a lie. I do know…” Hecate’s voice dropped to barely more than a whisper. Agonized eyes met Ada’s. “What if she made me like her? What if I do that to a student, Ada? Surely you must see that I can’t become a teacher. I’m not fit for purpose.”

Ada folded her napkin carefully, considering her response. In truth, she’d thought much the same thing herself yesterday. Briefly. Before she’d seen the horrified look in Hecate’s eyes when she realized what she’d done. “What I see is a woman who’s been through a terrible ordeal, who reacted on instinct and self-preservation. I do not see another Ernestine Broomhead sitting across the table from me. Did she ever, for a single moment, regret what she did to you? Was she ever put off her meal by the things she’s done?”

Hecate thought about it. “No.” She smirked. “She ate like a horse.”

“That’s how I know, dear. You will never be her. It’s been two weeks – less than two weeks. Give yourself time to heal, Hecate.”

“I don’t know how.” She picked up her fork and poked at her omelet. “Perhaps… perhaps I do need to talk to Miss Hagsmet,” she said, her shoulders slumping in defeat.

“It’s not a weakness to accept help when you need it, Hecate. It’s your strength of character that will see you through this. I have complete faith in that.” She buttered a piece of toast. “You’ll see to it that Broomhead will never be able to hurt another witch, you’ll put all of this behind you, you’ll start working with the girls…”

“And generally live happily ever after?” Hecate asked, skeptically.

“Something like that.” Ada winked and bit the corner off her toast. At least she’s talking again, Ada thought, relieved. She’d be certain to have Miss Hagsmet there within the hour.

-----

Hecate waved a hand and rearranged the furniture in front of the fireplace again, still not satisfied. There was no getting around it; her second-hand furniture, cast-offs scrounged from Cackle’s basement storage or salvaged from the cottage, didn’t fit in her new quarters.

When she’d told Ada she didn’t want to go back to Darkwood Cottage, Ada hadn’t batted an eye. Quite the opposite. She’d looked delighted when she said that Hecate could have her own quarters on the faculty floor. Never having been in a teacher’s quarters before, Hecate hadn’t known what to expect – something a bit larger than her old hutch, certainly. Perhaps her own bathroom.

She hadn’t expected what amounted to her own flat. Two bedrooms, a comfortably sized living room, small kitchen with a dining table, and the private bathroom. She’d stared at Mrs. Cackle in disbelief when she’d first shown her.

Hecate was still pondering where to put her sofa when a sharp knock sounded at the door. She opened it to find Miss Bat standing on the other side, holding a loaf of homemade bread.

“May your new home never know hunger, Sister.” Gwen handed over the loaf and walked in, taking a look around. “I’d forgotten that Mrs. Drill’s rooms had such a lovely view of the lake.”

“Thank you…” Hecate sniffed the bread, breathing in the warm smell of yeast and the bright tang of rosemary. She was just about to close the door when Miss Coriander appeared.

“Well met, Miss Hardbroom! Welcome to our faculty family.” She held up an intricately carved stone jar before opening the lid and revealing pink sea salt crystals. “May the life lived in this home always be full of flavor.”

Hecate thanked her and placed the salt cellar on the counter next to the bread. She supposed she needed to offer her guests some tea. She summoned her tea set to the coffee table and started water heating.

“What are your plans for the spare bedroom?” Gwen asked.

Before Hecate could answer, someone else knocked at the door. This time it was Miss Swoop, the flying teacher, and Nurse Bismuth. She blinked nervously, forgetting for a moment to welcome them inside.

Miss Swoop handed her a basket filled with decorative candles in glass jars. “May you live in light and happiness.”

Miss Bismuth gave her a lovely set of kitchen towels embroidered with understated roosters. “Can’t exactly keep the real thing here in the castle,” she grinned. “Won’t exactly alert you to any dangers, but they’ll keep you from burning your hand on a hot kettle.”

More and more of the staff came, each bringing a housewarming gift. Some gifts were traditional witching blessings for the new home, others more practical. Even Miss Gullet came, offering her a tired chamomile plant in a cheap pot. Hecate thanked her, nonetheless, placing the plant in the window.

Large as her quarters were, they were getting uncomfortably full. She summoned more chairs from the dungeons as well as more teacups from the dining hall.

Just as she was starting to feel overwhelmed, someone else knocked at the door. Whipping it open, she heaved a sigh of relief. “Ada… thank heavens… I…” She ducked into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind her. “What’s happening? There’s so many people.”

“An old Cackle’s tradition, welcoming a new member of the staff.” She winked and held up her gift: two bottles of wine. “May your life be filled with joy and prosperity.”

“With you, how could it be anything less?” Hecate said, blushing when she realized what she’d said.

“I feel the same way.” Ada jerked her chin towards the door. “Shall we wade back into the fray?”

Hecate nodded and opened the door. Now that Ada was there, Hecate felt like she could endure whatever the evening might bring.

It brought almost the entire faculty at one point or another. Hecate’s counter overflowed with gifts, and twice more she had to transfer in additional chairs and cups. At last, Miss Bat declared that it was time for Hecate to get to enjoy her new home and began shooing people out.

Ada hung back, pleased when Hecate closed the door after the last guest trickled out – even more pleased when Hecate sagged against the door and smiled at her. “I fear I am not a natural hostess.” She took a deep breath and savored the sudden quiet. After a moment she waved both of her hands, returning all the chairs and teacups to their proper places. Pushing off the door, she joined Ada on the sofa, flopping down beside her. She winced as a spring poked her bad shoulder. “Thank you, for this… I know you organized it.”

“Actually… I didn’t.” Ada enjoyed the stunned confusion on Hecate’s face. “In fact…” she snapped her fingers and Alma Cackle appeared at the doorway.

Hecate scrambled to her feet, bowing in front of Alma and giving her the traditional greeting.

Alma waved her off with a roll of her eyes. “No need for all that. Besides, you’re a grown woman now; turn your hand over.” Alma tapped her own forehead with the back of her hand, chuckling softly as Hecate realized she’d used the formal children’s greeting. “Now, wood is one of the traditional gifts for a witch in her new home.” She held her hands out and summoned an oaken log. “May your home and those who fill it remain steadfast and strong, providing shelter from all the storms that life will send your way.” She floated the log into the fireplace and set it alight.

“Thank you,” Hecate whispered, brushing away an errant tear. She cried so much more easily now. Since Broomhead. At least this one was for a happier reason.

“That one was from Ada,” Alma said, grinning. “Here’s the one from me.” She barely hesitated long enough for Ada to get off the sofa before waving her arms. The threadbare hand-me-down furniture disappeared. In its place sat a new sofa, upholstered in rich, tufted leather that had been dyed a deep forest green. Her reading chair had been replaced by a matching pair of wingbacks. Antique mahogany coffee and end tables finished the set. Hecate stood with her hands clapped over her mouth, unable to breathe, much less speak. “Welcome, Hecate. Welcome home.”

-----

Hecate hurried to her quarters as soon as the last class finished, weaving through a sea of girls in a hurry to get to free time. The knot in Hecate’s stomach tightened with every step. She clutched the fabric of her skirt tighter and tighter, finally giving in to the overwhelming urge to transfer.

She materialized seconds later in her quarters, her refuge. Glancing at the clock on her mantel, she saw it was just past eleven. In scarcely more than two hours, she would be in front of the Great Witch and the entire Magic Council – and who knew who else – testifying about her treatment under Ernestine Broomhead’s tutelage.

She didn’t know which terrified her more: facing her tutor or leaving Cackle’s for the first time since she was thirteen years old. She nearly jumped out of her skin when someone knocked at the door. Hecate started to pretend she wasn’t there, but she could feel the gentle warmth of Ada’s magic on the other side. She waved a hand, opening the door as she sank onto her couch.

“I noted you weren’t at lunch,” Ada said as she walked in carrying a tray. “I don’t blame you.” She uncovered a plate filled with a light meal that wasn’t likely to upset Hecate’s stomach. “I know you probably don’t want it, but please… try to eat something.” Ada left the tray and prepared a pot of tea. “I made the cucumber sandwiches myself. Would you like to try one of those?”

Hecate took one off the plate and bit the corner, absently chewing. “I don’t know what I’m going to say.”

“Just tell them what happened.” Ada poured the tea, fixing Hecate’s the way she liked it, black with a slice of lemon, no sugar, and the tiniest splash of milk. She held the cup out until Hecate took it. “I wish I could go with you.” She still didn’t understand why she hadn’t received a summons. She’d been at the cottage along with her mother.

Hecate’s eyes closed and her shoulders slumped. “I wish you could, too.”

Ada hesitated, unsure if Hecate would welcome it or not, but she finally slid her hand, palm up, into the space between them. Hecate grabbed it at once, squeezing it so tightly it was just short of painful. They sat that way, in silence, until Alma knocked on the door an hour later.

“It’s time then. Are you ready?” Alma sent a questioning glance towards Ada, who simply shrugged.

“Not really, but I haven’t any choice, do I?” Hecate answered, her eyes downcast, shoulders slumped.

Alma smiled gently. “Not really, dearie.” She turned to Ada. “I expect you’ll have things well in hand until we return.”

Ada nodded. “I will.” She turned to Hecate. “I have complete and utter faith in you, Hecate. Whatever that woman may have done, she can’t hurt you now.”

“We need to go.” Alma squeezed Ada’s elbow. She wished that Ada was going with them as well. She didn’t know how they’d managed, but somehow Ada and Hecate had become fast friends. They kept each other steady. She feared Hecate would need all the steadiness she could get today.

“I don’t care what time it is; come find me when you get back.” Ada squeezed Hecate’s hands and transferred away while she could still keep her emotions under control.

“Do you have your coin?” Hecate nodded. “Good. It’s been a long time. Are you ready? Things probably aren’t the way you remember them.”

“I don’t know how they could be,” she whispered. The cucumber sandwich sat heavily in her stomach. She magicked her cloak and hat into place before clutching her coin to her chest and taking Alma’s hand.

They appeared on a busy street, cars whizzing by. Hecate looked around in wonder, Broomhead momentarily forgotten. She’d have stepped into the street if Alma hadn’t grabbed her elbow. “Look sharp now, Hecate. We don’t want to see you wind up a wet spot on the pavement, do we?”

“No, Mrs. Cackle, that would not be my first choice.” She looked around more carefully. People hurried up and down the sidewalk, busy with their own lives. Hecate knew most of them had to be Ordinary, but not all of them. She knew their cloaking spell kept the Ordinaries from seeing them in their formal robes, but Hecate’s heart still tripped when it appeared as though someone looked straight at them.

“Come along, then. When all this is over, we’ll take a long walk around.” Alma hooked her arm through Hecate’s and escorted her across the street and up to the gates of the Magic Council. “Aperi Portum,” she said and waited for the gates to open.

Once they were through, the air shimmered and she could see dozens of people milling around in formal robes. Most took little notice of them, sparing no more than a curious glance as they appeared in the courtyard. One woman, though, a few years younger than Hecate, stared at them before whispering fervently to her companion. Hecate pulled her eyes away and edged closer to Mrs. Cackle. The reason she was here slammed back to the forefront of her mind.

Hecate heard the woman’s shoes approaching before the quiet voice stopped them. “Excuse me? Are you Miss Hardbroom? Miss Hecate Hardbroom?”

Alma stopped, pulling Hecate to a stop with her. “I am.” Up close, the woman looked even younger, hardly more than a child. Hecate thought she couldn’t have been much older than the girls in the Fifth-Year potions class she’d assisted with that morning. “Well met…”

“Elise Grimm,” she said, returning the greeting. “I just wanted to say thank you… for putting a stop to her…” She gestured to the others in the courtyard. “Look at all of them. There’s so many here, and my representative to the Council says this is only a tiny fraction of the people she’s tutored.”

Hecate scanned the crowd again. Elise was right, it was too many people. “I don’t know that I did anything more than anyone else… I simply tried to endure, same as you.”

Elise shook her head so forcefully that Hecate feared she would send her hat flying. “Not like me… I also wanted to say that I’m sorry… If I’d spoken out… I was the girl Broomhead tutored before you. I’m so sorry…”

Hecate might have lost her feet if Alma hadn’t had hold of her. “You…” Only had to say… could have stopped her… could have saved me… she thought. All she said was “You were only trying to survive.” She turned to Alma. “Let’s go inside.”

-----

At three minutes to midnight, Hecate transferred into her rooms. Somehow, she wasn’t surprised to find Ada fast asleep in one of the wingback chairs with Morgana curled on her lap. Hecate couldn’t help but smile, even though she felt a twinge guilty for the late hour. Magicking her hat and cloak away, as well as the bag of things she’d brought back from the city, Hecate knelt beside Ada.

“Hello, Morgana,” she whispered, rubbing her familiar’s nose with the tip of her finger. “Have you been keeping Ada company?” Morgana purred her greeting before hopping down.

The movement jostled Ada just enough to wake her. “You’re back.” She sniffed and sat up straighter. Squinting in the dim light, she studied Hecate’s features. She looked tired, certainly, but also more relaxed, more at ease than Ada had seen her in months. She looked beautiful. “Is it done then?” she asked, forcing her mind back to the straight and narrow.

“It’s done.” She smiled and squeezed Ada’s knee. “How about I make us a nice pot of tea and I’ll tell you all about it.”

It didn’t take long to fill Ada in on the hearing. The hearing itself hadn’t taken long. The Great Witch had asked Alma what she’d found at the cottage. The glamour itself had been enough for the Council to recommend confiscating Broomhead’s powers. Hecate had taken the stand first, but because there were so many potential witnesses, they limited the questions to about ten minutes each. Once everyone had spoken, the Great Witch had thanked them for their service and dismissed them. “As we left, she made sure to tell your mother that the token was good until midnight.” She smiled a bit guiltily now. “We could have been back before dinner.”

“Oh, I’m so glad you weren’t. Did Mother take you to that little Italian bistro just down the road? What’s it called?”

“Mastrangelo’s. She did. And then we went to a bookstore and a tea shop and… If I’m only to ever have one day away from here, she did her best to make it as close to perfect as she could.” She smiled shyly. “I wish you had been there.”

“So do I, dear.” In truth, Ada had struggled with the notion that she would have to stay behind. Missing Hecate’s one chance to leave the Academy had been a bitter pill indeed. “I’m glad you had a lovely time, though, truly I am.”

“So am I. But if I’m being honest… I’m glad to be home.”

#hackle summer trope challenge #hackle #tw abuse aftermath #tww 2017 #Hecate Hardbroom #Ada Cackle

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moonxjoon · 4 years

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How Can I Help You? | chapter 1

one | two

Pairing: HueningKai x barista!Reader

Rating: PG

Word Count: 2k

Synopsis: Working at the local cafe in town is normally a tiresome day job, until you meet a particularly fascinating young guy who frequents your shop more and more often than usual.

A/N: Requests Open~

You clutched your peacoat flush to your chest, forcing out a deep breath which brought forth a wisp of clouded air that you could see infringing on the cold air. Your tired breaths slowed when you finally halted your semi-jog, arriving at the teal-colored door of the local corner coffee house you were currently working at on your days off from university classes.

The street adjacent to the building was already saturated with early morning commuters, public transportation bussing, and the occasional biker or runner. It was a raucous, lively Monday morning in the midst of the brisk winter months, teetering on the edge of springtime (which was promised to come sooner rather than later as a result of an inquisitive rodent spotting its shadow a few weeks prior).

You used your boss’s key to unlock the hackneyed door, swinging it open to let in a gust of sharp, biting air throughout the settled shop. Your entire body loosened up when you shut the door behind you and made your way behind the counter to get ready for opening.

You pulled off your scarf and coat, hanging it on the coat rack situated at the front entrance. “Morning!” You said to yourself and perhaps even the shop itself.

Your morning opening routine involved opening blinds, cleaning the espresso machines, and prepping the pastry and snack counter. After your first hand duties were completed, you checked the clock on the wall to see that it was still 6:43, seventeen minutes before opening. You instinctively yawned to yourself, as you had gotten less than adequate sleep the night prior. You had finished up two research papers and an observational lab report for the following week, knowing you would barely have enough time to complete the assignments during your work days. Sluggishly wandering into the back room where breaks and team meetings were commonly held, you grabbed the chalkboard sign used to entice outside customers to stop in and grab a quick cup of joe before starting their day. You wiped it clean and meticulously calligraphed an eye-catching, curtailed version of the store’s menu, highlighting new seasonal drinks and different types of house-made patisseries.

Wearing nothing but your shop uniform and apron, you braced yourself as you opened the front door, the bitter coldness immediately intruding through your clothing. You propped the A-framed sign at the very front of the shop, repositioning it more than needed to satisfy your perfectionist psyche as well as making sure it didn't take up too much space on the footpath for passers-by. Just as you finished setting up the sign, an incoming cry triggered your fight-or-flight response, making you jump.

“S’cuse me!” You heard the voice, envoking you to spin around on your heel to see where the exclamation came from. At the very last second, as a blue blur flashed before your eyes, your legs that were stuck at the entrance of your shop finally decided to move for you. You narrowly evaded the biker, who was traveling downhill on the sidewalk and jerkily dodging people and uneven pavement bumps. You watched as he spun around on his seat, quickly waving to you and not exactly abiding by the biker rules of the road. “Sorry bout that!”

Your racing heart slowed enough to take note of the boy on the bike. His bright aqua hair blew messily in the wind. His back was adorned in a beige jacket and dark pants, and his dark blue tie fluttered over his shoulder, flapping wildly from his breakneck riding.

“There’s a bike lane for a reason!” You called back to him, watching precariously as he narrowly avoided other pedestrians. Knowing he couldn’t hear you anyway, you rolled your eyes and made your way back into the warmth of your brewhouse dwelling.

Laidback rhythms and soft melodies mixed with a cacophony of brewing machines filled the shop as you prepared orders for the now growing line of customers waiting for their daily dose of caffeine and sugar. The first hours of the morning were spent operating alone, as your other coworker called in about fifteen minutes prior to opening that she would be coming into work late. Typical, you thought, as you poured another medium vanilla chai latte and handed it to a young woman, too busy talking on her phone to even say ‘thank you’.

Your brow began to sweat a tad while you prepared espresso after latte after macchiato after cappuccino. After the dozenth cup was served to the last patron in line and no one else needed to be helped, you took a deep breath and used the end of your apron to wipe away the excess perspiration that had collected at the apex of your forehead. Even though it felt like nearly below freezing outside, the whirring machines and scalding drink-making process made the small shop exceedingly sweltering.

You propped your bottom on the edge of the cashier counter and promptly took out your phone for a quick break. You opened your instagram app and liked a few aesthetically pleasing dorm photos on your explore page. Just as you were admiring a particular picture of a minimalistic yet fashionably tasteful flat arrangement (silently wishing you had the money to make your own room look like that), you heard the telltale ring of the doorbell, signalling there was another customer that needed to be tended to. You sighed to yourself and slipped your phone into your apron pocket, turning to face the cash register, ready to take yet another overly complex order.

“Hi, how can I help you?-” you casually glanced up to the person, but your words caught in your throat as you made eye contact. Standing before you was a towering young man who you guessed was around you age just by his youthfulness. Soft chocolate-caramel locks were splayed across his forehead, leading down towards even darker mocha-colored irises. His hair and eye color starkly contrasted to his pretty much flawless milky skin tone. Before his lips even parted to say a word, you immediately deducted that he was one of the cutest guys you’d ever laid eyes on.

“Good morning.” He said. With a sharp intake of air, your teeth unconsciously grabbed onto the sides of your cheeks, which were now progressing into a darker and darker shade of pink. You noticed his lips as he spoke; they were a deep cherry color, almost matching his own cheeks. You suspected this was because of the chilly outdoor weather, unlike your own blood flowing to your face due to the fact you were staring up at an incredibly good-looking guy.

The boys eyes tilted upwards to the menu hanging just above your head before returning back to your unbreaking gaze. “I’ve never been here before, mind if I ask what you recommend?” His voice was alluring in a way and you focused on every word as it came out. You blinked a few times, hearing those particular words strung in that order, but not entirely processing them. When an uncomfortable and unnecessary amount of time passed between him asking and you answering, your brain forced out words by itself, resulting in a clumsy and uncalculated response.

“Uhm, I’m sorry, what was that?” you asked, shaking your head and breaking eye contact which was also starting to get weird. You stared at the buttons on the register, now completely and utterly flustered. You inwardly scolded yourself for making yourself look like a fool. It was one thing if it was any other customer, but you had to be caught off guard by a boy- lord knows how inept you are at holding a conversation with a guy that you find even minimally cute.

“It’s alright. I was just wondering what you think is good here. I don’t really drink coffee, but I need the caffeine to keep me up for today. Being back from break sucks.” The brunette laughed slightly to himself- god, even his giggle was cute.

You held your grip on the sides of the register, praying you wouldn’t continue to make yourself look like a newbie at her job. Come on, just pretend he's just a normal patron, because that’s all he is. Go about your coffee schpeal and recommend the classics.

You glanced back up at the boy, who was still staring at you with the most pleasant, friendly smile.

Through your peripherals, you noticed his apparel. It looked strangely familiar, like the clothing was seen somewhere before in the inner recesses of your mind. You had a realization that the tan single-breasted suit with light blue trim was the exact same uniform worn by the guy that nearly ran you over this morning.

You swallowed hard and forced yourself to act like a normal person, not letting some random captivating dude distract you from your job. “Oh, well we still have our holiday drinks in season; there's our peppermint cappuccino, gingerbread latte, mocha praline swirl...hot chocolate?” You tried, countering his smile with a homely smirk.

His hand came up and gingerly caressed the back of his neck, his eyes once again scanning the board behind you. “Hm, what’s your favorite here?” he queried, making the settling blood in your face heat up once again.

Your mouth opened once, then twice, both times no words coming out. On the third try, your vocal cords finally decided to work. “Oh, that’s a hard question, I’m like a coffee fiend.” The painful grasp on the register slowly eased when to your surprise, the same chuckle from before erupted from his chest. “I’d recommend everything, but one of my go-to’s is our cinnamon dolce latte with brown sugar cinnamon and caramel.” you said quickly, now hyper-aware of your awkward demeanor.

He nodded his head, making his hair bounce up and down playfully over his face. “Alright, I’ll have a small cinnamon dolce, in that case.” You noticed that not once did his smile leave his face. Your mouth perked up, enjoying your short chat. “Got it. That’ll be $3.15.” He reached into his satchel that was slung over his shoulder and pulled out a wallet, handing you a crisp five dollar bill. While he was doing that you took the time to check out his lapel, which had an emblem patch stitched on his front pocket. The black embroidered crest was adorned with gold trimming; woven in were three tri-colored stars of yellow, green, and blue.

Before he had a chance to notice your subtle appraisal, you accepted his currency, brushing his slender fingers in the process. The innocent and simple gesture made your own fingers tingle as they came into contact with foreign skin. His fingertips were chilled as your clammy hands met his, making goosebumps form over your wrist and up your arm. Suddenly your legs were locked in place, yet all the while felt formless and weak.

“Wh-what’s the name for the order?” you asked and silently berated yourself for sounding so automatic yet pathetic at the same time.

“Huening Kai. But you can just put Kai.” Another beaming grin crossed his face as he wiped away a stray piece of hair hanging in front of his eye. It looks so smooth and soft, you thought. Your hands suddenly felt the need to find purchase in his locks, just to see how the mop of shiny brown hair would feel under your touch. You’re repulsive! What is wrong with you? Get your mind out of the gutter! Your mind shouted at you, bringing you back to reality once again.

“Kai. Got it.” You grabbed a cup and a magic marker, writing out the name as neatly as possible. An unexpected wave of confidence came over you before you could stop your lips from speaking you spat out, “Nice name, Huening Kai. Very pretty.” You bite your tongue, immediately regretting your words. Just as you were about to explain yourself that you didn't mean for that to sound weird or come across as creepy, your head shot up to see that his expression changed to a softer simper. His head tilted a bit, like a puppy studying it’s owners face in confusion.

“Thank you, I don't get too many compliments on my name. I appreciate it…” His gaze trailed down from your eyes to your collarbone and right above your breast. He leaned forward over the counter, examining you. A warm heat followed his eyes, making the room feel even hotter than before. “Y/N. Hm, I like yours, too. It fits you.” He said and you momentarily thought he was a mind-reader, until you realized he was studying your name tag attached to your shirt.

You uncontrollably erupted in a giggle, exalted by his compliment. “Thanks, I used to hate it, but I guess I don’t mind it anymore.”

You were kicked back into gear when you peered behind the boy and saw more people had made their way into the shop and were waiting for their orders to be taken. “Your drink will be right out, Kai.” You replied and spun around to your workstation so he wouldn’t notice the redness permeating across your face.

As you made his drink, you made sure to take special care in not messing up the simple order, as you had made numerous drinks in your time at the shop; you haven't had a single customer complain about any of your beverages thus far, so this one shouldn’t be any exception.

The brew was ready, and you took your time making sure the whipped topping was laid expertly and not overflowing. You pressed the lid shut and ensured not a single drop of coffee spilled. “Kai?” you stepped up to the counter at the other end of your station, seeing him waiting patiently and scrolling through his phone. When his name was called, he instantly perked up and smiled. “That was quick!” he exclaimed, slipping his phone into his trouser pocket in exchange for his drink.

Your hands skimmed each other once again, the same exact warm feeling shooting up your arm like before. Ignoring it this time, you gestured to the line of people gathering at the front of the store. “I gotta be. Coffee making pays surprisingly well, can’t afford to be slow.”

Your statement was ironic, as these past few minutes felt like an eternity, just being in the presence of this stranger.

He took a slow sip of the latte as you spoke. You were surprised when his eyes grew wide, and panicked as the thought crossed your mind that you prepared the wrong recipe or maybe he burned his tongue. You should’ve warned him it’d be scalding hot!

“Wow. You’re pretty good at your craft, not gonna lie!” His overly charming grin came back once again, which made you wonder how his cheeks weren’t sore yet. Before you could thank him, he started making his way to the door, waving as he made long strides to the exit. “Thanks, Y/N. I'll leave you to your work now, gotta get to class soon, too.”

Your encounter was over too soon, and you felt a certain tug at your chest when he pressed his fingers to the glass paneling of the door. “See you around!” He shouted over the heads of the customers queued up at the register. And just like that, the pretty boy Kai was gone. “See you!” You tried to call out, but it was too late. The door shut and from the storefront windows you could see the tousled chocolate locks flying haphazardly in the outdoor wind, until he rounded the corner and disappeared from sight.

Your heart had slowed to a regular beat, and you let out a disappointed sigh. You remembered your other patrons and you speedily went back to your post and second nature kicked in and your day continued normally.

“Sorry for the wait, staff is short today.” You apologize to the man standing before you, the bags under his eyes and vitriolic frown indicating he was not in the mood to wait any longer than he had to.

He has to be back sometime. You thought and mindlessly typed away the order for each customer, switching back and forth from brewing and the register. He must go to the same academy as the other dude from this morning. You recollected the blue-haired boy that donned the same uniform as Kai. Damn, I kinda hope he comes back.

It wasn't typical of you to think about someone so strongly after having just met them, but for some reason, this guy lingered around your thoughts. From his tall figure to the way he said your name to his cheeky smile and laugh and even to his cold fingers. You scolded yourself for what seemed like the hundredth time for letting a simple crush affect you so.

You forced out a frustrated huff as your thoughts got the better of your judgement and you accidentally switched up two girls’ orders, earning you a few disgruntled remarks about not doing your job right and an eye roll. When the day couldn't seem to last any longer, you checked out the clock to see if your shift was almost over. 7:36. Lovely…

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fyrapartnersearch · 4 years

Text

[ as we proceed. ]

Hello! I go by Mars. Currently, I am in the Pacific Time Zone, but I’m fairly versatile with roleplaying alongside with others from different timezones. Twenty-nine years of age, and I have been roleplaying for over 14 years, so I have a good deal of experience in my humblest opinion. I figure that’s enough about myself; now to get to the main reason you’re all reading this, and that is because I have been looking for roleplayers with the coming of this new year, someone to keep my muse levels high and my writing always on point while I maintain having two jobs, as well as a burgeoning social life. Someone easygoing yet creative with a vivid imagination to bring ideas to form is highly desired in a writer.

This request is not for the faint of heart, and those who have considerable limits, hesitations, and triggers are likely not going to be a good match. Just fair warning.

WRITING

I am a multi-paragraph sort of writer, which means that frequently, my writing will exceed at least 600 words, and upward of 1000+ words. I love detail and description, and I am actively seeking someone of the same infamy. Once upon a time, I managed to keep up with a story that teetered around 3000+ per reply with someone, still maintaining the same detailed descriptive writing, and I definitely wouldn’t mind having that challenge once more.

GENRES / PAIRINGS / FACES

I exclusively play male characters in mxf pairings with any smut or romantic attachment, this is non-negotiable. I fully understand and respect roleplayers who are able to play both males and females and nonbinary characters in different pairings. I simply don’t have that versatility, as when I’ve played them in the past, there was an innate in-authenticity that I felt. On the other hand, I am a bit more versatile when it comes to genres and settings that I like to play in. Supernatural is my absolute bread and butter, especially urban and gothic fantasy. Anything to do with vampires, werewolves, demons, witches, shapeshifters, mutants, other urban creature of folklore, given some sort of modern day spun, is absolutely perfect for me. I also really love science fiction in its many forms. Primarily, I take my sci-fi craving inspirations from Star Wars, Mass Effect, and Destiny. I’ve also been slowly intrigued by zombie-less post-apocalyptic storylines, something where the cataclysm is not necessarily caused by rabid zombies (I’m not a big fan of the stereotypical zombies portrayed in The Walking Dead and stuff), but something with either a lethal virus, or a planetary disaster, like an extreme coronal mass ejection.

Another genre that I’ve slowly found interest in includes that of the superhero genre. I’m a big fan of both Marvel and DC fandom, and the concept of having superhumans, humans with abilities, anything of that short would be awesome to do. Against, these would be with original characters on my part. I’m not as fond of general real-life or general modern day genres and themes without a good, complex idea attached to it.

One thing I really love to employ in my roleplays would be face claims, faces, playbys, picture bases, however you call it nowadays. Like I said, I started out roleplaying on forums like proboards, and later, jcink and invisionfree, so face claims are quite prevalent for me. This would only be real-life pictures, and not anime or drawings. We can use the latter for reference points, but I would ideally like face claims to be involved. In terms of looks and stuff, I’ve generally gone for a variety of different guys for who I use to represent my characters. Two of my favorite faces are Tom Hardy and Charlie Hunnam: I can use them for anything. I’ve also had a penchant for guys like Richard Armitage, Marlon Teixeira, Chadwick Boseman, Jason Momoa, and Ed Skrein. For women, my characters playing against, I like to go for an even greater assortment of faces. From actresses like Natalie Dormer, Katie McGrath, Deborah Ann Woll, and Olivia Wilde, models like Adriana Lima and Candice Swanepoel, glamour models like Lucy Collett, Lucy Pinder, and Billie Faiers, alternative models like Sara Fabel and Kelly Eden, and even adult faces like Christy Mack and Nikki Benz – you name them, I’m probably interested in them. So the flexibility is highly wanted.

NOTE: This one is also big, as I have met previous partners who use anime or picture drawings, or have reservations about particular types of faces. I would prefer a partner to be rather versatile and potentially willing to try some of these faces and such. Bonus points if someone is comfortable using faces like Ellie Rayne and Cervena Fox and the like.

WORLD BUILDING

I want an active roleplayer in this category, without a doubt. i love to world-build, but I tend to lose interest when I am the only one who puts in the effort to world-build. Too often I find people gun-shy in this regard. If I feel that I’m carrying the weight of the world-building part with specific ideas, I will end the roleplay in a heartbeat. And consider that the world building is just the tip of the beginning, so from that, I’ll be able to see whether we’ll be a match or not. Because we’d be starting from scratch with whatever we do, it would be a big relief to have someone who doesn’t mind letting ideas flow to set up the universe that we will be roleplaying in. That way, I feel as though we would both be extremely immersed into the roleplay. Let’s create lively planets with vast underground criminal empires, ot a galaxy far, far away, or galaxies far, far away.

MATURE CONTENT

I enjoy writing smut, writing violence, plain and simple. I don’t hinder myself – or I try not to – in what I write, the exact extremeness and depth and detail, and I expect my partner to do the same. Maybe not extremeness in a total and complete smutfest (but really, I wouldn’t be opposed), but I do like a variety of things that can be incorporated along with a fascinating story. Some kinks I love include BDSM, incest, the unholy trinity (oral, anal, and such), dubious consent, hair-pulling, those sorts of things. A particularly darker kink that is not explored enough for me is pregnancy/impregnation/breeding. Also, since I love things like psychological trauma and experimentation (in science fiction and supernatural context), those are also highly desired. The manipulation of someone’s mind, body, and soul, combined with elements of corruption and body alteration/transformation – love. These lean more on this smuttier side of the roleplaying, which I like to fashion it as a coin; heads being the smut, tails being the story. I tend to think of them as two halves of a whole and complete experience, and you simply cannot have one without the other. Sometimes I'll ebb more on the smut side of things, sometimes I won't, but a partner who is more than comfortable in that regard is great.

NOTE: I should make this a bit clearer for any potential partners, but I am looking for roleplays on the darker, smuttier side of things, with little to no limits, and a great deal of my own interests would need to be met by any potential partners. If this part is glossed over in any fashion, I'll be able to pick up on that. I'll be particularly picky about this part. If you have any reservations or have major conditions about this, then it's likely that we won't mesh.

I’ve bulleted the major kinks/mature themes that I want to explore.

Psychological torment. Again, I really enjoy this sort of roleplaying, challenging the mind, characters in situations where they ultimately do not recover from it mentally, where their psychological profile is irrevocably changed.

The unholy trinity. Oral, anal, vaginal sex. Like I said, I enjoy my smut, I’m shameless, don’t care much for judging.

Corruption. Easily one of my favorite themes to explore, and it doesn’t have to just be as simple as sexual corruption, turning a poor innocent girl and debasing her to the point of no return. Something as simple as a hardened person, forged from the rigors of life, suddenly finding themselves in a position of finer things. Of wealth, of relaxation. That can sow the seeds into a slow descent into something illegal, lewd, or all of the above. And they can view it as the ultimate freedom from that hardship.

Drugs. The exploration of a person’s psyche that forces them to turn to recreational drugs to cope with whatever situations they have.

Vanity, body alterations. This can be through different genres and for different reasons. Imperfections are everywhere, and I love roleplaying themes where the characters will go through whatever means. Larger breasts and a more voluptuous curves in order to make money or ascend higher in the economic sphere. Modified abs, cosmetic surgery, all of those things would be included.

Taboo pairings. Specifically incest or interracial. I’ve not tried mother/son pairings, but i’d like to see if anyone is up for that. I’m also good with father/daughter and brother/sister pairings, but those would be primarily for science fiction and urban fantasy.

Gore. I don’t mind there being a little or a good deal. With urban fantasy, you can expect this, because I tend to play creatures as vicious, war-mongering, and unapologetic about tapping into their bestial natures.

Bad endings. What if happily ever after isn’t so happily after all? What if the main character doesn’t get the job done, what if there is no fairytale ending, and what results is heartache, pain, misery? Or delight, freedom, and inspiration?

Pregnancy. Impregnation. Breeding. Demons need to procreate to get their army, no? They need to find that special someone who can unearth their demonic spawn and destroy their adversaries. Or, for a more subversive notion, a simple one=night stand ends up being nine months of sheer interest and intrigue for the involved coupling. I lean toward the former, having had some basis in erotic roleplaying in the past, so the more odd themes of this are welcomed. But normal pregnancy with the right plot is also quite fun.

Again, I can’t stress this enough. These themes are going to be darker by nature. While I don’t believe in a purely smut or purely story-centered roleplay, the fact of the matter is that I’m looking for someone who can and has no problem with handling those themes. For me, I’m alright if you have any particular aversion to rape (I’ll never pressure anyone for this) and things like scat and watersports (I’m personally not okay with those latter two), but I’d like it if everything else was fair game. So BDSM, incest, the exploration of similar themes and such.

The only limits I have in this regard would include scat and watersports, those things of that nature. I generally do not mind non-consensual stories that start off that way initially, but over time change (and I know that that isn’t how non-consensual sex works in real life). However, I honestly do not mind it at all if that theme is not included at all since I know that it can be a particular trigger to some..

INSPIRATIONS / FANDOMS

I have many different inspirations when it comes to what I roleplay and how I generally approach a roleplay through my characters, the setting, and such. For urban fantasy roleplays, I’ll take different sets of lore for creatures and create my own, not following any specific script, to say the least. Things from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, True Blood, Vampires The Masquerade, for instance, would cater to my urban fantasy cravings. Bonus points for anyone familiar with video game franchises like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Destiny, Borderlands, Overwatch. Now, I don’t necessarily roleplay these fandoms to the tee, and I wouldn’t play any canon characters from it. I would, however, love to play opposite canon characters with my own original assembly of characters, as well as playing in scenes and settings reminiscent of these.

PARTICULAR CRAVINGS

Now that I’ve pretty much laid out what I’m about, I’d like to turn your attention to a few particular cravings that I’ve had as of late.

Supernaturally-themed plots are always going to be my bread and butter. I’ve had a craving for demons and demon hunters, this nigh eternal struggle between those that bring hellfire and corruption to humanity, and those tasked with defending humans from them. Or, a more self-serving alternative, these bounty hunters being skilled enough to take the unenviable task of capturing and/or killing demons for a hefty price. Maybe one, or a few demon hunters, get too big for their britches and take on a truly horrifying upper demon. We can play intense themes of carnal desires, corruption, underhanded tricks, contract obligations. [18+]

On the level of science fiction, you’ve seen me repeatedly mention Mass Effect. I love the crew idea, exploring the vast known and unknown reaches of space. Maybe they are a crew of bounty hunters looking for the next payday, or soldiers trying to stave off an alien threat. [18+]

Another science fiction, but with a more centralized main character. Called “The Traveler”, I would like to explore some sort of time-traveling person (not akin to Doctor Who, but the premise is the same). Someone with the advanced technological resources or metahuman abilities to traverse through time. What’s his purpose? What’s his motivation? Maybe instead of preventing things from happening that indicate bad results, maybe “The Traveler” IS the cause of these bad events. Maybe this Traveler has ambition to travel through significant events in history to manipulate them to his ultimate advantage, to gain more power. [18+]

Gotham will burn – Now, this one, is partly because of my interest in the show Gotham, but also from the Batman: Arkham series video games. I love a dark, gritty sort of cityscape with mobsters and criminals, and these rogue vigilantes trying to clean things up. I’ve also been inspired by the TV show Arrow, so this would be along those ideas. Maybe, for once, these supposed “heroes in the dark” can’t clean up the city and instead succumb to the corruptive pressures of an easier, more hedonistic lifestyle? [18+]

The “ambitious plot” – this is something I’ve coined myself, since it is pretty ambitious to bring to life. And this is one of my primary cravings, something of an all-inclusive episodic series, so to speak, which would feature just about everything I love in varying or limitless amounts. I thought of it as something akin to a Mass Effect inspired, Game of Thrones-esque establishment and episode structure, wherein there are different characters with different plot points, in different settings, but altogether would combine for some sort of universal roleplay. Naturally, this would also combine my other four cravings. [18+]

Each of these cravings would require us to play multiple characters off the bat, as well as adding characters either selectively to the storyline, or nondescriptly, because we think another character with a specific personality might add even more intrigue to it. These cravings are also going to vacillate highly between smut and story, depending on the particular facet we’d like to explore.To me, the ambitious plot is the one I’m really seeking, but it is a pretty time-consuming one, and something not for the faint of heart or for others that don’t have all that much time on their hands. As these cravings will be fairly demanding and require a good deal of OOC communication, I will require you to add in your own input AS you contact me. Which means, if you do decide to email me, specifically about those ideas, you must already have some ideas ready to throw at me.

MEDIUM

Medium-wise, I’ve done various forms of roleplaying before. When I started roleplaying, I was initially a site go-getter, loving the pretty graphics and the jcink and invisionfree (and to a lesser extent, proboards) communities. I’m not sure if I want to roleplay on that, for this particular request, as I don’t have it in me to go through the semantics and the time consummation of having to write up an application or a character sheet, so right now, forum roleplaying is off the table. Right now, my main preferences for roleplaying include email and Googledocs, with Googledocs being the main preference right now.

Hopefully I have not dissuaded too many people, but I will say that for the purposes of what I am looking for, I am going to be rather picky about who contacts me. So please, be as detailed in your email as I have been in my request, that’s all i ask. I don’t wish to have emails with the body of them being “Hey, i’m interested in everything you listed, so let’s roleplay” – that does nothing to inspire my confidence and excitement. Let me know what specifically wrapped you into contacting me.

CONTACT

If you are interested in potentially roleplaying with me, please contact me by email ONLY. I made this tumblr just to be able to send these kinds of request, but I otherwise do not use it and will not respond to messages made on it. I created the email specifically for roleplaying means – [email protected]. I’m open to communication and creating a general dialogue through Discord and Google Hangouts, but only after the initial email correspondence has been made. For contacting me, I would like your name/online alias, age (because I will only be accepting partners 18 and over), timezone, roleplaying availability, interests, kinks/limits, and – well, hell – include your favorite song lyric in the title of the email.

#independent roleplay #oc rp #multiple paragraph #para #short term #long term #email #forum #smut rp #submission

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