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moonagedaydreamohyeah · 3 years

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Hi!! Welcome back! I saw you'retaking prompts, so I hope it's okay for me to send a lil one 🥺 I have this idea where Bucky has nightmares constantly, and they get so bad he can't wake up. So after a couple of weeks, he's barely holding on, Steve tries something though. And now wherever he has a nightmare, he grabs his hand, to soothe him while telling him various memories of them, their wedding, their childhood. It works, Bucky calms down eventually and then wakes up. Telling Steve his dream shifted at a certain point and stopped being scary. I had this idea but I truly cannot write at all, if you choose to do it (it's totally fine if you don't though) I know you'll do a great job! Tysm

Hii Nonnie! Thank you soo so much for your prompt, I’m sorry it took so long! Here it is though, it turned out pretty long but I hope you like it!!🙏🌼💗

Trigger warnings for some angst and trauma related stuff and a close-to panic attack - I promise it gets fluffy before long☺️

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The first thing Steve registered as he slowly became aware of his surroundings was the darkness of their room, suggesting that it was nowhere close to being morning yet.

He slowly blinked his eyes open and as he reached his hand out he came in contact with heated and sweat-clammy skin at the same time as he heard the tell-tale whimpering sounds from beside him, which instantly alerted to the cause of him having woken up in the first place.

As he sat up and turned the lamp at his bedside on, Steve looked at the distressed face of his boyfriend, at the way that his hands are opening and closing around the sheet in tight fists as if battling through a pain that was only a memory, but probably felt just as fresh and real as the approaching dawn.

Running a hand tiredly over his face, Steve suspected the bone deep exhaustion which is the product of almost two weeks of sleepless nights, for the fact that he didn’t realise what was happening the moment he stirred into wakefulness.

Steve took a deep breath in a lost effort to gather himself for what appeared to be another sleepless night with Bucky reliving the worst moments of his life while Steve sat helplessly beside him, unable to wake him up from the horror he was reliving and bring him back to reality.

When this specific brand of night terrors had first started, Steve had gone through any and all means that he and Bucky could come up with to wake him up, finding that not one of them was enough to tear Bucky from the deep sleep he was caught up in and the painful memories that came with it.

It wasn’t like nightmares were any kind of new experience for either of them, which of course couldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. They had both experienced stuff that would bring anyone nightmares, and Bucky’s mind especially only had to dig through what seemed like a bottomless pile of more than 70 years incomparable trauma and replay it, whenever it wanted to procure night terrors of the kind that would have most people opt for never sleeping again, if it meant they didn’t have to relive it - which is what Bucky would have preferred too, if it wasn’t for his therapist having put him on a strict sleeping schedule and medication to ensure that he would actually sleep within those set times, in a sympathetic voice ensuring him that the only road to recovery was through.

Usually the other would be there to wake up whomever of them were unlucky enough to run into a nightmare bad enough to wake the other up, and they would be able to hold each other until they could talk it out and eventually go back to sleep, until they were ready to go back to sleep.

They even had a ritual set up for the really bad ones. They would put on a pot of coffee and have a cup each, indulging in plenty of cream and sugar and drink them while watching an episode or two of Steven Universe on the TV.

As none of that was something they’d gotten to enjoy before waking up in the 21’st century, due to rationing and what not, that usually brought them had suffered right back to reality, reminding them that they had both escaped the pain of the past, and were now back together in the somewhat peaceful life they had managed to create for themselves in this new time and place.

But since these particular nightmares had started, none of that had been of use anymore. No matter what Steve tried, Bucky simply wouldn’t wake up and all Steve could do was sit helplessly by his side while the whimpers and cries for help rose in volume,

That didn’t stop Steve from trying though. Reaching out to try and shake Bucky out of it, Steve tried to keep the desperation out of his voice as he spoke.

“Bucky, baby, come on wake up. You’re dreaming sweetheart, you aren’t there anymore, you’re right here with me, all you gotta do is wake up.”

As he’d come to expect though, it was no use. If anything, the nightmare only seemed to be intensifying, if the full body shiver and increasingly loud whimpers of pain was anything to go by. Steve could feel his voice wavering as he shook him a little harder while he tried to speak over the devastating sounds coming from his love.

“Bucky, please. C’mon, baby, wake up. Sweetheart.”

It was when Bucky, still not showing any signs of waking up, let out a loud, high pitched cry of ‘please, no, no more, no more please, it hurts!’ that Steve suddenly couldn’t take it anymore. His breath hitched as the sob he’d been trying to hold back suddenly tore from his throat and without thinking, he was throwing the covers off and leaping out of their shared bed and into the living room where he braced himself on the back of the couch and took in gasping breaths as he tried to control the sobs that kept coming.

As his breathing only picked up the pace, Steve felt himself steer into what would no doubt become a full blown panic attack if he didn’t get a hold of himself. He slid down to sit the floor and placed his between his knees while back and forth to eight in his in a last ditch effort to slow his breathing; ‘breathe in for eight, and then out for eight’ he recited in his head.

Finally feeling his breathing start to even out, he remembered something that Mary-Ann, Bucky’s therapist, had stressed in one of their shared sessions;

‘You can’t cure another person’s pain or trauma, and the minute you catch yourself trying or beating yourself up over not being successful in doing so, you’re only making the situation worse by creating more pain for yourself along side with the pain your loved one is already in. Working through this stuff is only something you can do for yourself. The best you can do is be by their side to support them through it and try to diminish the strain of negative thoughts and other practical stuff that takes energy away from the effort that it takes to get better.’

Bucky and Steve both had trauma to work through, and figuring out to best help each other without putting too much strain on themselves and taking on the other’s struggles as well, had been a difficult balance to achieve when they had first been brought back to each other. But through therapy and conversations they had managed to get into a pretty good rhythm when it came to balancing their relationship and everyday life which all the baggage they each brought into it, by being there for each other in the best way possible.

That didn’t mean it wasn’t still hard sometimes, and these nightmares had taken a serious toll on both of them, so it wasn’t any wonder that Steve was at his limit. Had it only taken out on the nights, that would have been a different thing. But Bucky had been restless and tired in the day too, often staring off into the distance seemingly caught up in his own head. Steve, having been kept up by Bucky’s nightmares, had slowly felt the weight of Bucky’s struggles and the overall gloomy mood in their shared home, become to much to bear with his sparring energy resources.

Reminding himself once again of Mary-Ann’s words, Steve tried to shake off the feeling of inadequacy as he slowly got up from the floor. ‘The only way to get past this is through,’ he thought decisively, ‘and we will get through it.’

Even though Steve suddenly couldn’t bear to not be by Bucky’s side for one more moment, he opted to take a quick detour into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water, before he braces himself and returned to the bedroom.

By now whatever Bucky was reliving had sent him into a state of thrashing around on the sheets, throwing the covers halfway off to reveal his sweat soaked shirt, accompanied the sound of pleading, painful sounding whimpers that bordered on sobs.

Sitting himself back on the bed, Steve used one hand to grab a firm hold of Bucky’s that was now clutching the sheet hard enough that it was a wonder he hadn’t torn a hole in it yet, and started rubbing soothing circles over the back while he smoothed Bucky’s hair away from his sweaty face. Steve took a deep breath to collect himself before he started talking in a soothing voice.

“It’s okay, Buck, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere sweetheart” He didn’t know if he was still talking to Bucky or mostly trying to convince himself, when he continued, “I can’t take the pain away, but I can at least be here by your side through it, huh? Just like your Mary-Ann told us: that’s all I can do, and I’ll do it sweetheart, I’ll stay right here. I’m sorry I had to leave for a little while, but I promise I’m here now, okay? Just like you were always right there for me.”

Thinking back to the first of those awful winters when Steve had been so sick that not one doctor dared reassure his ma that he would be sure to pull through, Steve continued in that same, low voice, mostly just thinking out loud by now. He almost didn’t notice that Bucky’s whimpers had toned down a little bit and the thrashing was starting to calm down again into those god awful full body shivers.

“I guess I know how you felt now, going though those winters back then, huh? Oh god, how awful that must have been for you, baby, I get that now, don’t I? Sitting there, unable to do a damn thing but always reassuring me that I would get through even when everyone else doubted it. You always stayed, and I swear baby, that must’ve been what got me through at least the half of it.” Steve had to breath in deep again to keep the emotion out of his voice.

“Remember that first winter? We can’t have been that old, maybe nine or ten I think..” Steve mused, caught up in the memories. “Yeah, that must’ve been it. I remember ‘cause we had been playing all day out in the rain and we didn’t even notice how cold it was. Your ma gave us such an earful when we came home, soaked through and teeth chattering. I remember her going at us while we stood in the bathroom, naked as the day we were born and shivering, while she got the bath ready. She had that voice on, the one she used when we’d been exceptionally stupid”, Steve scoffed quietly. “‘You boys, I swear,’ she would always say, ‘it’s barely forty degrees outside and you run around in the rain like that; you’ll get sick, that’s for sure. You boys don’t think we have better things to spent all our hot water on?’ and I remember her voice soften when she told us, ‘you gotta take better care of yourselves, especially you Steve, with how skinny you are.’ I think she was probably more worried than mad though. God, I miss your ma sometimes. She was such a wonderful woman. Always had a thing or two to say about the shenanigans we got up to, but you could always tell she wasn’t really all that mad. She was right too, of course. I spent the entire winter in bed, doing my best to cough up half a lung while you sat by my side with that determined look on your face, like you were prepared to fight off death himself if he ever even thought of bothering to show up.”

By now Bucky was visibly calming down, the only signs of distress being the furrow of his brow and the occasional clenching and unclenching of the fist that Steve wasn’t holding onto, so Steve kept talking in the hope that that was what was finally doing the trick.

“And you never let me go out after that, without being practically bunched up in a hundred layers, even if it meant you had to freeze your balls off.” Steve chuckled to himself, suddenly recalling a very fond memory. “Oh, and then when it finally got hot outside again and we were out playing - we were with that girl, what was her name again..” Steve thought back, trying to remember. “- Laurel? Loraine? You know, the one with the pretty curls you were always pulling at when her family sat in front of us in church and no one was looking. Anyway, you found that penny on the ground and decided you were gonna buy us ice cream cones, but of course one penny turned out to only be enough for one. And I remember the look on her face when you said I should have it, god, she was so disappointed. But I had lost weight from being sick all winter and I was even skinnier than usual, and you were all like ‘look at him, he needs fattening up, it’s only fair, here you go Stevie, you have it’ and you wouldn’t hear any complaints about it.”

Steve was brought back from his reminiscing by Bucky rolling over onto his back and letting out a small sigh, any signs of the nightmare having disappeared from his features. Steve was flooded with relief as he smiled down at him and continued softly. “It was all there, right in front of my face, even back then, wasn’t it? I can’t believe I spent all those years being jealous of all the ladies who were always keen on dancing with you when we went out. You only ever had eyes for me, huh?”

Steve startled at the sound of Bucky’s sleep rough mumble. “‘Course, you punk”

Squeezing his hand, Steve checked to make sure he had heard right. “Bucky? Hey, you awake honey?”

Bucky squeezed back, letting out a grumbled “Mmh.. wha’s going on, why’re you up?” but he seemed to quickly rise from his sleepy state at Steve’s choked “oh thank god”

“Hey, Steve what’s wrong, huh? Look at me, what happened? You have a nightmare or somethin’”? Bucky asked, wiping away a single tear of pure relief that had apparently escaped and was trailing down Steve’s left cheek. His look of worry turned into one of realisation though, when it dawned on him. “Oh shit, it was me having a nightmare again huh? It happened again, didn’t it? Aww I’m sorry Stevie.”

“No no, please don’t apologise,” Steve hurried to reassure him. “It’s not your fault Buck. I’m just so relieved you’re back with me. It’s just hard, you know? Seeing you in that much pain and not being able to do a thing about it,” Steve sniffled.

“Yeah, I know Stevie, I know.” Bucky expression briefly shifted to one of confusion. “How’d you wake me up? I thought we’d practically tried everything by now.”

“I didn’t, at first,” Steve said, “I just starting talking to you and then when it seemed to calm you down a bit I kinda just kept going with like, talking about memories that came up, you know from back when we were kids.”

“Oh yeah.” Bucky furrowed his brows in thought. “I don’t really remember what the nightmare was about, only that it was awful and then the dream sort of.. shifted. Something about my ma giving us an earful and then something about ice cream cones and brown curls?” Bucky’s face shifted, as if he’d remembered something funny. “God, you remember that time I found that penny? And that girl, Loraine I think, she got so mad when I bought you ice cream instead of her,” Bucky chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s the story I was telling,” Steve smiled. “To be fair, that was kind of dick move, Barnes. Ain’t no way to treat a lady.”

“Hey! You were so skinny! You clearly needed it more than her!” Bucky defended himself. “And by the way, it wasn’t exactly her I was trying to impress.” Bucky said, waggling his eyebrows.

Steve snorted. “Yeah, alright, you’re a real charmer.”

“Don’t you know it,” Bucky said. Smiling more softly, he leaned in so his forehead was resting against Steve’s. “I’m really sorry for waking you up honey. It sucks that you have to be here through all that Stevie, I know it ain’t easy on you.”

“Nah,” Steve answered. “I’m right where I want to be. Till the end of the line and all that, remember? Not planning to go anywhere”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed softly, and then in an almost whisper, sounding suddenly vulnerable, “I love you so much, Stevie.”

Sensing that Bucky was finally feeling some of the raw emotion that was left over from the nightmare he’d just endured, now that he knew that Steve was okay, Steve lifted up to plant a lingering kiss on his forehead. Rubbing a hand soothingly up and down Bucky’s back, he noted that his t-shirt was still soaked from sweat. “Me too, Buck. Me too. Hey, why don’t I go make a pot of coffee and turn the TV on and you come join me once you’ve cleaned up a little?”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed, burying himself a bit closer into Steve’s embrace before pulling away and offering a grateful smile. “That sounds good.”

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medical-health-fitness · 3 years

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5 Signs You’re Angrier Than You Think

Just because you keep your cool doesn’t mean you’re not angry

If you’re the kind of person who likes to think of themselves as calm, cool, and collected, there’s a good chance you’re angrier than you realize (or want to admit).

Reference and article proofread by Healthcare center in NJ

Because anger isn’t a very socially acceptable emotion, many people end up masking it. And sometimes they’ve been masking their anger for so long — and are so good at it — they don’t even realize they’re angry anymore.

But here’s the problem:

No matter how good you are at hiding your anger, it will come out one way or the other.

As a psychologist, I regularly work with people who insist that they’re not angry, only to realize that many of their most unhelpful tendencies and habits result from unexplored anger.

Being angry isn’t a bad thing. But if you’re not self-aware enough to acknowledge it, the side effects can cause a lot of suffering for you and the people in your life.

Here are 5 signs you might actually be angrier than you think and a few suggestions for dealing with that anger healthily.

1. Chronic Anxiety

Many people end up chronically anxious because they’re so afraid of their anger that they’ll take on any amount of stress to avoid it.

On the face of it, people who are chronically anxious look the exact opposite of angry. If anything, they come across as meek, unassuming, or even pushovers.

But here’s the thing…

Just because you don’t look and act angry doesn’t mean you’re not feeling angry.

Anger is a natural human emotion we all feel as a result of injustice or boundary violations. For example:

If a bully steals your lunch at school, it’s natural to feel angry about it.

If you watch a news report of some innocent person being abused or taken advantage of, you’re going to feel angry about it.

If your spouse sarcastically criticizes your outfit, you’re probably going to feel angry about it.

And more than just a sign that some injustice has been committed, anger is also fuel for rectifying it…

Where would the civil rights movement be if no one got angry about slavery and racism?

Where would democracy be if no one got angry at tyranny and fascism?

But many people fear getting angry — or making others angry — so much that they take on huge amounts of stress and anxiety as a result of avoiding the anger.

For example, take the little boy who grew up with an alcoholic and abusive parent… He learned quickly as a kid that expressing his own anger and frustration only got him hurt and abused.

So now, even though he isn’t physically in danger anymore, he’s in the habit of ignoring his anger. As a result, he never stands up for himself…

He takes on way too much work in his job, which keeps him stressed and anxious. All because he’s afraid to express his anger about giving too much work.

He remains in a verbally abusive relationship because he’s afraid of his spouse’s anger and the conflict that would ensue if he stood up for himself. So he’s always worried about upsetting his spouse.

He even has a hard time disciplining his children when he needs to because he’s afraid of his anger and theirs. So he’s constantly stressed and anxious about the way his kids are growing up.

Anxiety is the price of unacknowledged anger.

I encourage people to remember that “no” is a complete sentence.”

― Gavin de Becker

2. Rumination

Just because you’re not angry with other people doesn’t mean you’re not angry. Self-directed anger is a real thing, too — with plenty of destructive consequences if left unchecked.

A lot of people assume they’re not angry because they never get angry with other people. They’re nice, friendly, tolerant, empathetic, and even quite patient when it comes to other people.

And because they rarely get angry at others, they seldom look visibly angry:

They don’t shout or scream

They don’t act out or get aggressive

They don’t lose their cool when things go wrong

But looks can be deceiving…

Some of the angriest people I’ve ever met look like absolute sweethearts to everyone else — even to the people who know them well, like spouses or parents.

How is this possible?

Their anger is self-directed and manifests as an extreme type of negative self-talk called rumination for many people.

Rumination is the mental habit of intensely negative and unproductive self-talk about mistakes or errors in the past.

For example:

An offhand comment by a friend at dinner triggers a memory of a mistake you made in the past, and you spend the rest of your evening dwelling on that mistake and all the negative consequences in your life that came from it.

Your manager at work gives you some specific negative feedback about a recent piece of work, and you spend hours distracted by thoughts and of how you could have done better and why you’re always such a screw-up.

The key insight here is subtle but important:

While rumination often leads to sadness and shame, it’s usually fueled by self-anger.

Because most people identify with the consequences of their rumination habit, they don’t realize how important the role of anger is in their lives.

Remember:

Just because anger isn’t externalized or directed at another person doesn’t mean it’s not there.

And just because your anger isn’t leading to destructive behaviors with others doesn’t mean it isn’t leading to yourself's destructive behaviors.

If you struggle with rumination, self-criticism, or perfectionism, there’s a good chance that becoming more self-aware about your anger will help you escape the cycle.

If you had a person in your life treating you the way you treat yourself, you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago…

― Cheri Huber

3. Passive-Aggressive Communication

People become passive-aggressive when they experience intense anger but are afraid to acknowledge it.

When people are passive-aggressive, they act in an aggressive way to get what they want but try to hide it to avoid taking responsibility for the consequences of their aggression.

Here are a few examples to illustrate:

Chronically being late for appointments or meetings but always having some excuse or another ready to explain it.

“Having” a stomach ache right before you were supposed to meet up with that friend you don’t really like but feel like to have to hang out with occasionally.

Doing work poorly around the office so that someone else ends up doing it.

The problem with this habit of passive-aggressive behavior is that it doesn’t really work — not in the long run…

Eventually, you begin to be perceived as flaky, unreliable, and irresponsible by key people in your life. And as a result, your relationships suffer, and you feel more and more isolated and alone.

What’s more, on a deep level, you perceive yourself this way too. The result is chronic low self-esteem, shame, and self-loathing.

The only way out of this cycle of passive-aggression is to practice being more assertive. This means learning to acknowledge your anger and frustration and act on it when appropriate. But to do it in a way that’s both honest to your own wants and needs but also respectful of those of others.

Becoming more assertive doesn’t mean denying your anger. It means acknowledging it and validating it to deal with it in a healthy way instead of “coming out” in unhealthy ways.

Assertiveness isn’t about building a good disguise. It’s about developing the courage to take the disguise off.

— Randy Paterson

4. Venting

Venting, complaining, bitching, whining… call it whatever you want. But at the end of the way, if you’re doing it a lot, you’re probably more angry than you realize.

Do you vent a lot with friends, family, or coworkers? If so, that might be a good indicator that you’ve got a lot more unacknowledged anger and frustration in your life than you realize.

See, for a long-time, the way psychologists thought and talked about anger was that it was a kind of toxic substance that had to be released or else it would be harmful. As a result, the idea of “venting” your anger became popularized and encouraged by many therapists, counselors, and advisors.

Unfortunately, it turns out the whole cathartic theory of anger is a complete myth. And worse than that, simply venting your anger only intensifies it in the long run.

The healthiest way to deal with anger is to acknowledge it, validate it, act on it assertively if you need to or just let it be if you don’t.

This means that if you’re the kind of person who vents a lot or labels yourself a chronic complainer, the better strategy is to A) get better at acknowledging your anger or frustrations, and B) Either do something about them or let them go.

We like to vent because it gives us the illusion of working on things. But it doesn’t actually address the issues making you frustrated in the first place. And even though it might feel good at the moment to vent, it only keeps those flames burning longer in the end.

Remember, it’s perfectly healthy to feel frustrated and angry. But how you deal with those feelings can be very unhealthy.

To complain is always nonacceptance of what is… When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”

― Eckhart Tolle

5. Hypercriticism

Many people mask their anger by expressing it in the form of coolly intellectual criticism of others.

If you tend to be overly critical or judgmental of other people, that might be a sign that you’ve got some unacknowledged anger to explore.

Here’s how it works…

Often people feel bad about themselves in some big way — maybe they’re afraid to make a big life-change, for example, even though they know it’s the right thing for them to do.

This pain or inadequacy hurts, of course. But over time, what’s even worse, is the guilt and shame they feel for not doing anything about it even though they know they should.

Eventually, this guilt and shame become self-directed anger and resentment. But still, they feel stuck…

To temporarily alleviate all of this negativity, they resort to criticizing or judging others as a kind of coping mechanism for their own low self-esteem.

Because when you criticize someone else, you implicitly communicate that you know better, which temporarily makes you feel good about yourself.

Of course, this judgment ness becomes one more thing to feel bad about yourself for in the long-run.

The thing is… many people who are in this habit of being judgmental of others look the opposite of angry — they seem cool and detached in an intellectual or hyper-analytical way.

But here’s the thing…

This cool intellectual criticism of others is often just a mask for our own insecurities and self-directed anger.

You can only deal with your insecurities and self-anger if you know it and are willing to explore it. And your habit of being critical of others may not subside until you address this core motivator for it.

The self-righteous scream judgments against others to hide the noise of skeletons dancing in their own closets.

― John Mark Green

All You Need to Know

There’s nothing wrong with being angry. It’s a normal human emotion and has a great many important functions. But if you’re in denial about your anger, that’s when you can get into trouble.

These 5 signs are useful indicators to help you explore the role that anger may or may not play in your life:

Chronic Anxiety

Rumination

Passive-Aggressive Communication

Venting

Hypercriticism

#fitness #healthcare #health & fitness #medical #medicine #doctor #health

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crystalelemental · 7 years

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Holy wow, two in one day?! That’s right, I finally came up with a name for this team, and now it is time for yet another Pokemon team personalities rundown! Today’s team: Team Sovereign. Format will be the same as always:

Name and Species (name meaning/origin in link) Nature Characteristic (for those unaware: there’s a “characteristic” applied to each Pokemon that tells you what its best stat is) Ability Hold item EV spread Moves Description of their personality

Also, as before, I’ll list the team names here:

Harlow the Golem Calanthe the Milotic Naoko the Cinccino Ayaka the Florges Misaki the Lilligant Senka the Banette

Hopefully that will help keep things in order.

Harlow the Golem Nature: Adamant Characteristic: Capable of taking hits Ability: Sturdy Item: Custap Berry (act first when at critical health once) EVs: 252 HP, 252 Attack, 4 Sp. Def. Moves: Rock Blast, Earthquake, Explosion, Stealth Rock Personality: One of the four queens of the forests, Harlow is known as the Stonewall Queen, due to her exceptional defenses and strength. Harlow is a fiercely loyal defender of the territory, and functions as the first line of defense for the team. Harlow prides herself on her physical strength, focusing on raw power above all else. In her personal life, Harlow is jovial and easy-going, but strong in her convictions. She always pushes for the path she feels is correct, even if it is the harder path to take. Harlow is well-liked by the Pokemon of the forest, and is considered a fair and just leader above all else.

Harlow gets along best with Naoko, for whom she acts as a mentor and guide. She is fiercely loyal to the team, yet distrusts Senka entirely. Her relationship with Calanthe can be shaky at times. When discussing their roles, Harlow feels Calanthe is too volatile, and needs to be a more stalwart leader. Harlow also feels that Misaki’s views can be far too extreme, and attempts to side with Ayaka as a more level-headed opposition.

Calanthe the Milotic Nature: Bold Characteristic: Takes plenty of siestas Ability: Competitive Item: Sitrus Berry EVs: 252 HP, 252 Def, 4 Sp. Def Moves: Scald, Ice Beam, Toxic, Recover Personality: Brash and capricious, Calanthe is known as the Mercurial Queen, due to her frequent and often severe volatility. While generally presenting as composed, Calanthe does not respond well to setbacks or challenges to her rule, and can become enraged easily. Calanthe’s volatility makes her fairly distrusted by others, including the other monarchs. “Stability” is a big factor in Calanthe’s motivations, and she seeks that stability above all else. However, despite her drive for external stability, she struggles with her own emotional stability more than most. Control is important, but there are many things about leadership that are outside of her control, and this drives her feelings of inadequacy and incompetence. As a result, whenever her plans or sense of control are thrown off, she can begin to lash out at everything around her, and bring her full fury upon the disruption in an effort to quell both the external threat, and her own negative self-perception.

Calanthe’s relationships are strained, to say the least. Her most notable relationship, with Misaki, is one born of inequality. Calanthe admires Misaki’s confidence, and feels a strong sense of stability from Msaki’s ability to control situations, although Misaki does not often seem to consider Calanthe as much. Calanthe also appreciates young Naoko, whose upbeat attitude and dedication to the queens is something she applauds. She also considers herself something of a role model to the child, although the others are concerned that she may actually be right on that. Interestingly, Ayaka’s soft-spoken approach and ability to soothe an inflamed ego has led to Calanthe being most influenced by her. While Calanthe considers herself a needed support for Ayaka, it’s clear to onlookers that it is often the reverse that’s true.

Naoko the Cinccino Nature: Jolly Characteristic: Likes to Run Ability: Skill Link Item: King’s Rock EVs: 252 Atk, 252 Speed, 4 HP Moves: Tail Slap, Bullet Seed, Rock Blast, Knock Off Personality: Naoko is, quite literally, a child of the forest. Young and energetic, Naoko is quick to get herself involved in the affairs of others, particularly affairs of greater importance. Whether this interference is by her design or simply the idle curiosity of a child, her skill in both combat and gaining affection from others cannot be ignored. As with many youth, Naoko enjoys playing tricks, and is well aware of how best to surprise or otherwise irritate others. Despite this tendency, her actions are always interpreted as the playfulness of youth, and her disposition is always cheerful and sweet, leading to many adoring and doting fans. These talents were not overlooked by the queens, who saw an opportunity in the youth and sought to bring her up as another to enter their fold in time.

Naoko gets along well with most members of the team, though she is intimidated by Misaki and Senka. Despite this, she approaches both with a positive and friendly attitude. Misaki is kind, though somewhat short, which Naoko attributes to stress of the job. Oddly, Senka is quite polite and communicative, and frequently praises Naoko’s accomplishments. Still, Naoko is always closest to Harlow, whom she admires greatly and considers a mentor figure. Calanthe also often tried to get Naoko’s attention, and Naoko will often oblige her. Despite Calanthe’s volatility, she is more careful around Naoko. Naoko tends to see through to Calanthe’s personal insecurities in these moments, and believes that being close with her will help Calanthe to feel more relaxed and stable herself.

Ayaka the Florges (Yellow) Nature: Calm Characteristic: Capable of Taking Hits Ability: Flower Veil Item: Leftovers EVs: 252 HP, 252 Sp. Def., 4 Def Moves: Moonblast, Wish, Protect, Aromatherapy Personality: Calm and level-headed, Ayaka is known as the Placid Queen, due to her reputation as a thoughtful and empathic leader. Ayaka considers herself as counsel for the queens, and has a knack for diplomacy. Even for the hot-blooded Misaki and the volatile Calanthe, her words are given top priority, and are often the only thing keeping them in check. Ayaka is incredibly well-respected as a peaceful ruler, but has a reputation for being slow to act. When immediate action needs to be taken, the other queens are far more likely to act. Ayaka is not opposed to action, but will often want to consider a full range of options before moving forward with anything. As such, she serves as an excellent check to the others, but requires prodding to enact changes.

Ayaka is close with all the queens, and considers them valuable allies. She is often working with Misaki, whom she believes requires her input the most. She is often involved with Naoko as well, attempting to teach the child the value of foresight and negotiation. Ayaka also serves as a close support for Calanthe, and does her best to bolster the young queen’s confidence. Ayaka is highly wary of Senka, and believes that she should never have been released. The ancient spirit is considered a danger for a reason, and she fears that Misaki’s actions were not fully considered as they ought to have been.

Misaki the Lilligant Nature: Modest Characteristic: Mischievous Ability: Own Tempo Item: Life Orb EVs: 252 Sp. Atk, 196 Speed, 60 Def Moves: Giga Drain, Hidden Power Fire, Quiver Dance, Sleep Powder Personality: In the public forums, Misaki is refined and elegant, speaking calmly and carefully to others. She plays the role of a public figure well, and expresses that she honestly is more demure at heart. However, those who know her well enough know better. Misaki’s persona is very hot-blooded and passionate, earning her the title of the Choleric Queen. While the Four Queens are allies meant to make decisions as a collective, Misaki has taken it upon herself to act independently on several occasions, not the least of which was releasing the dark spirit, Senka. Misaki’s actions have earned her distrust from many, though there are few who would say she does not get results. Misaki is extremely goal-oriented, and will do whatever is necessary to accomplish her goals. Thankfully for most, one of her primary goals is to maintain the forest as a safe location. She believes that the forest is often too slow to act, and may be devastated by a changing and hostile world if they don’t act with strength and conviction. This strength has been used to turn away invaders that would have otherwise been nigh-impossible to stop, earning her another title as “Godslayer Misaki.” Her effectiveness and efficiency has been proven time and again, and while she may not be a trusted domestic leader like Ayaka and Harlow, she is feared and respected more than any other.

Misaki’s relationships are almost exclusively established in respect, and she carries no significantly close friends. She respects Ayaka most of the queens, and considers her guidance crucial. Harlow she finds too inflexible, and Calanthe, while supportive in her ambitions, often lacks her own convictions and is too easily swept up in emotion to be trustworthy. Naoko shows potential, and Misaki is careful to ensure that the child is brought up understanding what is needed to ensure peace. However, none of these are people she would consider friends. Oddly enough, while Senka was released as a pawn, the two have been spending more and more time in each other’s presence. Although Misaki would never admit this, she finds herself engaged with the history of the spirit, and their ambitions have forged somewhat of a personal connection that she’s never truly had before.

Senka the Banette Nature: Careful Characteristic: Somewhat vain Ability: Cursed Body -> Prankster Item: Banettite EVs: 252 HP, 252 Sp. Def, 4 Atk Moves: Knock Off (considering Phantom Force, need to test), Will-o-Wisp, Destiny Bond, Substitute Personality: In ages past, Senka was known as the dark spirit of the woods; a terrifying and vile creature that did as she pleased, often bringing harm to others on her way. However, four allies banded together within the forest and defeated the spirit by stealing away the mega stone that was her source of power, and sealing her away deep within the wood. These four became the first queens of the forest, from which the current royals are descended. This imprisonment continued for ages, until Misaki sought to turn a former enemy into a new, powerful ally. Misaki returned the mega stone that was stolen, and released Senka from captivity. While Senka’s first action following this kindness was to attack the queen and attempt to escape, Misaki soundly defeated the spirit alone and brought Senka to heel. Currently, Senka plays the obedient puppet. While she currently satisfies herself with pushing for more reckless action to bring Misaki to ruin, she often considers simply turning on the queen and making her escape. However, this was in the beginning.

After battles with Misaki, watching her defend the woods and so soundly defeat opponents greater than herself, Senka developed a respect for the queen, and has decided to stick around, “just to see how far she goes.” Despite the cavalier explanation, Senka has been quite taken with Misaki, and finds what drives the queen fascinating and worthy of admiration and support. While Senka has no qualms against any of the others, she finds it difficult to get along with Harlow and Ayaka, who are well aware of her previous reign of terror and are not quick to forgive and forget. Senka is quite pleasant with Naoko, who seems curious about her, if somewhat wary. Senka will sometimes play on these apprehensions, but seems to have the child’s best interests at heart.

#my pokemon teams #harlow the golem #calanthe the milotic #naoko the cinccino #ayaka the florges #misaki the lilligant #senka the banette #golem #milotic #cinccino #florges #lilligant #banette #mega banette #Mercurial Queen is probably one of the cooler titles I've made #also I think I inadvertently made Misaki a villain #oops #team sovereign

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kaeveeoh · 7 years

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hi Kae, I've really looked up to you for a long time and you're one of my biggest inspirations. I've recently switched editors from SV to AE, and your ref list is super duper helpful! however, I'm dealing with a lot of feelings of inadequacy rn and feel really down/hopeless about my skills. (esp bc I want to hopefully do this as a job in the future). do you have any advice about dealing with getting into these "funks," I guess? sorry if this was silly to ask; I just really look up to you!! ;w;

Hello anon! I’m very happy you made the switch from SV to AE and found inspiration from my works! but I’m also very sorry you feel your skills are inadequate D: While I am someone still struggling with my own place in life, especially career-wise, I’ll try my best to give you some advice:I think everyone at some point in their life struggles with “being good enough.” I used to see my idols’ amazing works and be like “wow I’ll never be as good as them” and feel insecure about my own abilities, especially since I didn't major in the arts and felt behind in progression because of that. Something I like to think about that helped me push such negative thoughts away is how they had to have started somewhere too. Your favorite creators didn’t know how to use or do a certain thing at one point, and they went and learned it and stuck with it and now they’re doing awesome things. If you just think about how your efforts will pay off in the future, I think that might help – it definitely helps me out when I think about the potential future my present practice will give me. I think it’s about perspective. Like now when I see my idols’ works I think about how hopefully one day I can do that rather than “I’m not good enough to be able to do that.” Things take effort but you’ll get there!

Career-wise, I’m still struggling with that myself. As you may know, our field is something that is a bit harder to get into professionally because motion graphics is sort of niche field and even if theres a good job opening, it’s very reliant on high skill set. I don’t want to give you false hope and say you will definitely get a job using AE, however you will at least get freelance work if you advertise your services. It may not be a job at a big company you’ll be at, but freelance work from clients will be in your life one way or another. Theres plenty of motion designers out there who live solely off freelancing and have contracts with very respected companies. You just gotta build your network, utilize social media, and hone your craft all the while. One good thing about freelance is you can charge higher rates per hour/day rates. I’ve done work for a client at $55 an hour right after I graduated college through a recommendation, something I definitely wouldn’t have made at a job. So try and build connections and a following to get those clients! You’d be surprised at how much work comes from just word of mouth/client recommendations. If you’re at school right now, offer your services for the video people to do titles or intros for them. Especially if you’re at a university theres plenty of on campus jobs that would want an editor OR if you do motion graphics, apply for designer jobs and say “hey, I use AE and can animate designs.” It got me a student job at my school (even though it wasn’t on the job description) since I stood out from the graphic designers so hopefully you can find an opportunity and try that! It also helps to build a portfolio from doing school work, too. Don’t forget to talk to your managers and anyone else who is in your field – always network! (which kinda sucks for more reserved introverts like myself who don’t like talking haha)

I also wanted to touch on the aspect of social media because I know a lot of people feel down when their works don’t get as much recognition as someone else and in turn they feel that equates to their worth. No one owes anyone success. You got to work for your own success and it’ll be hard in the beginning, but that’s how it should be! Good things take time and effort and if you keep at it, you’ll get better at your craft and someday you’ll have someone looking up to you. And don’t forget to make use of fandoms! as doing things that involve pop culture entertainment (video games, a series, celebrities, etc.) is quick access to an audience to be exposed to your works

Remember to pace yourself! Don’t feel like you have to rush to get to a certain thing at a certain time period (ex. get a $70,000 a year animation job by age 24 at Disney). Even if you end up in a job that doesn’t deal with using AE, keep using it on the side and in your free time! Take up some freelance projects too when you can. You will face rejections at some points, but don’t let that deter you. Make it strengthen you and show them what they’re missing out on by improving yourself. You can always apply for jobs later on in life that lets you use AE, but remember to not equate finding a career in it with your sense of self worth and success. Just remember: everyone you look up to had to start from somewhere. They were in your position at some point in their life. Don’t let imposter syndrome keep you from feeling confident in your skills. Keep at your craft and I hope that one day you’ll feel you’ve reached a good place and can say you are proud of what you’ve made :)

#kvo anon #answered #long post #SORRY THIS IS KINDA LONG #half of it became job talk idk if thats what you also wanted SORRY IF I RAMBLED #i really hope you get out of your funk anon :c #i hope something in here helped put your mind at ease #think of the positives!#the only way to improve is to keep doing what you're doing #the results will pay off one day #it might not be now #but stick to it and you'll eventually get there!#the fact you decided to try a new program is progress itself #and be sure to post what you make #i'd love to see them someday ^^#feel free to hit me up if you need someone to talk to #i can definitely relate with your position

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