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ddejavvu · 1 year

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mvm! maybe poly!maraudeers with a wispy, cute, fae-like reader! mischievous but well meaning, sly and sweet; reader definitely tries to trick one/all into giving their names all the time, so she can keep hardcore courting them and they can belong to each other. its a fae thing, and faes like coveting pretty things :] mainly thinkin abt slyly courting them in ways they absolutely do not notice at first, till like, remus decides to read up and study on fae behaviour, and he has an ‘oh’ moment

cute little tidbits that i love :) - shes notrious for managing to steal away pretty little trinkets, and its well known how much faes love and protect their treasures, so as a courting tactic, she gives (im thinking more along the lines of james) some really pretty blueish seaglass because it matches his eyes! sirius definitely flirts cheesily, saying he can be her treasure/pretty thing, she could steal HIM away, and readers just like.. “thats the plan :]”. another little thought.. she definitely manages to actually, genuinely, physically fluster even sirius sometimes, like, she'll make an offhand comment about like, how cute his babies will be if they get his nose! or his pretty cheekbones! and sirius sits there like :]

okay so we all had a tinkerbell phase as kids right? the animated movies of pixie hollow? well, thats how i imagine reader dresses too, however out of place it may seem - like how adults go disney bounding as their fav character, she`ll do that in public but she still has a very fae-ish outfit and look about her. and i cant begin to tell you how obsessed remus is with this. like, hes got his scars that are usually one of the first things people glue their eyes to, but with you next to him? they focus on the suspiciously authentic bag made of large green leafs, or the numerous flowers braided into your hair constantly, or the way you smell so divine, like lavender and honey, or vanilla and forest wood, or the way your eyes are so captivating that they cant help but feel a pull towards you (fae characteristics <3). on another note, you CANNOT TELL ME that big, sweetheart, ‘sometimes head empty brrrr’ james potter does not stare off into space sometimes, lip between his teeth, eyes glazed over and a bit widened, lazer focused on how your thighs look spilling out of your leaf dress (maybe a dress like tinkerbells - short and earthy and sweet, as a little visual aid :) ) the man just wants to bite, like actually bite the fat and grip your hips with his big hands and let his brain go dead. this phenomenon is made especially apparent when you discover lingerie and how pretty so much of it is!! the sweet lace and the cute cups and theres so. many. designs. you must get opinions all round on every single piece. probably wind up with them all suddenly being marvellously busy though, theyll walk through the door, spot the store bags from victorias secret on the couch, and beeline right back out. they physically just.. cannot. they cant put themselves through that and come out unaffected on the other side.

maybe she gets a bit worried/downtrodden one day and ofc they notice. the issue? “why arent you guys accepting my courting?? am i doing it wrong? its my first time so idk if im doing it right :((“ james definitely was clueless up until this point, no matter how many times both sirius and remus have hinted that shes been doing this, but for some reason, hes the only one who knows how to properly navigate this situation. he, quick as a whip, snags a pair of his old, broken, beaten up glasses and presses em into her hand - an offering, a courting recipricant, a trinket!!! - with the biggest smile on his face. the glasses have so much tape around the middle, one of the legs are hanging off, and the lenses are almost smashed entirely, but one mans trash is another mans treasure :DD readers just like “oh :)) thanks :))”, probably a little breathy and shy but with a beaming smile to match because give the girl a break, its her first time recieving a courting trinket of all things!! its like, the human equivilent of snogging someone before holding their hand!!

i only know little things about fae from stuff ive read in the past, but this is just an interpretation based on common things i can remember about them, if any of it is inaccurate im sorry!

(any time i send any of these little paragraphs in, i dont expect anything in return btw! its mainly just like, emptying the trashcan of thoughts in my head into a space where someone else might enjoy em! like, yk, here u go! read this like its ur a 1950s husband reading the newspaper in the morning! lmao makes no sense but then at least the little imaginations and ideas dont get lost into the world of my brain and someone else can have at em :) )

baby!!! i am not educated enough on fae aus to write one (at least, not yet) so i will be more reacting to this than i am adding to it but let me just tell you that i loved reading it!! i mean it when i say that every time you send something into my inbox i thoroughly enjoy it, i swear you write me your own little fanfictions and they're the highlights of my day no matter who they're about <33333

SGSNDF THEY'D BE SO SMUG IF THEY FOUND OUT THEY WERE 'PRETTY THINGS' TO YOU... they keep all of your little gifts tucked into their pockets except they might need a new home because you're just always giving them more and they can't fit them all in their pockets!!

YES REMUS AND HIS LITTLE FAIRY GF :'))) UGHHH he definitely spoils her with pretty jewelry and things to wear and bags to carry and he'll learn to make flower crowns just for her :'))

SGSDNFNSF YES fashion show!! you twirl around and show off the skimpy little sets you'd bought and everyone needs a very long, intensive cold shower after the fact </33

AWWW JAMES'S GLASSES :')) he blames it on the fact that he's overly sentimental that he even still has them, but he's so glad he never tossed them as he watches your eyes shine and your breath hitch when he presents you with them :') sirius probably gives you a guitar pick of his and remus lets you have a pretty bookmark of his with a little golden tassel on it :')

i want you to know that i fully plan on answering every single ask you send/have sent me, they are always so fantastic and i know i still have a few but i just reread two of them the other day and got all giddy and excited to expand on it so trust me i know there's no pressure but i want to do them anyways!!! seriously you make my day with these they're probably my favorite type of asks to get is like full stories :')) thank you for being so sweet all the time and thank you for sharing your ideas with me!!!!

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mammss · 3 years

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domestic life with the bros headcannons!! (GN MC)

a/n: thank you for all the likes and reposts on my mammon headcannon posts I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS SO MUCH MWAH MWAH MWAH!!!

i was imagining doing headcannon posts for the others but could really only think of like one thing for each so i scratched the idea and wanted to make this!!!

also i thought abt it and i feel like most of the brothers would live with you in the human world if you wanted to live there so expect that

IM ALSO SORRY FOR NOT INCLUDING ASMO AND BELPHIE I REALLY HAD A HARD TIME THINKING OF HEADCANNONS FOR THEM

but i hope you still enjoy my luvs<3

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

lucifer:

this is lucifer we’re talking about you know which on wakes up first

but sometimes he’ll surprise you and sleep in a little bit cuddling you and just admiring your pretty sleeping face

that image puts a smile on his face every time

this relationship is basically lucifer works you stay home and look pretty

(unless you have a job, he’ll understand but he’ll make sure you come home before him so he can open the door to you welcoming him and giving him a big hug)

since he’s a busy man he doesn’t have time for breakfast unless you make him but he never leaves the house without his lunch you make him and a kiss

he’s a little child but you love him so you don’t mind

he’s thinking about you all day expect texts from him just checking in on you or asking what you and his brothers are up to

(he may be ok on the outside but on the inside he’s jealous that he doesn’t get to be around you all the time like his brothers. texting you is just his way of virtually being with you)

on rare occasions after work he’ll bring home a bouquet of your favorite flowers and say some cheesy line that never fails to bring a smile to both of your faces

after dinner you both sit in his office talking about each other’s day and make small talk

this makes lucifer do his work faster because he wants to spend real time with you so after finishing it he plays a new record he got the other day and you hold each other tightly dancing the night away

mammon:

you two can never get up in the morning because mammon adores cuddling you

he’s like a mama bear protecting his baby cub so take that as a warning you will be late for all morning activities/work

but on the off chance you wake up early mammon either is making breakfast for you to eat in bed, coming back with coffee/tea or is taking a shower

sometimes he’s cooking hint sometimes only because his cooking is kinda bad. i also wanna think that human world cooking is slightly different than devildom cooking

(in the human world mammon is a househusband it’s my headcannon)

if mammon doesn’t have a job he’ll stay home and think of ways to make money while also trying his best to clean the house

and totally not missing you and thinking about you and possibly stealing you stuff to pretend you’re still at home with him

when you get home mammon can be seen acting like a puppy reacting to his owner coming home hugging and kissing you(he just loves you<3)

as tradition you guys spend the night eating dinner, watching a movie cuddling and talking about your day

levi:

the only reason levi wakes up before you is for livestreams, mobile game rewards and to sometimes surprise you like making you coffee/tea or making breakfast for the both of you

his idea of breakfast is either sugary cereal or some sort of pop tart/toaster strudel you know?

that’s why you always have to make breakfast lunch and dinner unless you wanna eat takeout and junk food for the rest of your life

because levi is an otaku he would have a lot of careers he could focus on the most popular one being a streamer

when levi tells you he wants to live in the human world expect a LOT of requests for living arrangements

like for example he needs extra rooms for his figurines, possible streaming room, if you think henry and lotan aren’t moving in with you then guess again massive pool anyone??? he also wouldn’t mind a movie theater in the house as well :)

just like mammon when you get home he’s excited to see you again because he feels like a decade passed since he last saw you

you decide to order takeout again and levi tells you about this new anime he discovered (you know living in the human world and such) so with your takeout in one hand and levi’s hand in the other you both cuddle watching anime until you inevitably fall asleep on the couch

satan:

you both wake up at the same time i wanna say but satan might beat you to the punch because he may or may not have been reading the entire night or woke up early and started reading

always expect tea on your nightstand every morning and kisses from satan waking you from your slumber

you both make breakfast together everyday listening to jazz music or classical and sometimes dancing around the kitchen just laughing satan spinning you around both of you truly enjoying each other’s company

satan wants a fresh start living in the human world and such

even though is name is a dead giveaway

so he works at a bookstore maybe like barnes and nobles but i wanna say he works at a little library not known and enjoys the piece and quite while reading a new shipment of books they just got

when you come home from work you see satan sitting in his usual chair reading welcoming you home

you make tea for the both of you and sit on his lap resting your head on his/his shoulders while you talk about each other’s day or you sit there in silence soaking up each other’s presence

beel:

i know i basically said for all of these that the brothers wake up first but when it comes to beel he really only wakes up first for two reasons one to eat and two to go to the gym

you know beel’s gone because your personal heater is gone and without him in bed with your basically freezing your butt off sorry mc

you both cook meals together it not only makes beel happy that he’s eating but food is basically his love language so both of you cooking together giggling and talking makes him happy more than you’ll ever know

speaking of food beel will always do the chores especially grocery shopping

the only way beel is moving to the human world is if belphie is coming to. no if, ands, or buts about it. he doesn’t have to live in the same home as you guys but the twins are a package deal mc you should of known that from the start

if you do decide to move to the human world i feel like beel would work as a florist or a baker or that’s what i want to believe anyways

i feel like it would be something nice and relaxing for him and he would definitely come home with tons of flowers and be like “here mc i got these for you 🥺🤲” or he would come home and be like “mc i made these today at the bakery and i made extra so you and belphie could have some🥺🤲”

like i said before the twins are a packaged deal so the three of you definitely have meals together everyday

you don’t understand mc the idea of you, him, and belphie together eating it makes his whole heart swell with happiness this is something he only thought could happen in his dreams he never thought it would happen in real life

and if you decide to have kids... he could just cry right then and there HE CANT HANDLE THE CUTENESS AND THE FAMILY DINNERS WITH UNCLE BELPHIE AND YOU MC YOU’RE KILLING HIM

have a wonderful mother’s day y’all if you celebrate it and i hope you like this post!!! i probably won’t do asmo and belphie separately just because i really couldn’t think of headcannons for them lolz

#obey me #obey me fluff #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer headcannons #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me brothers headcannon #obey me fanfic #obey me leviathan #i love mammon #obey me mammon

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soothinglee · 3 years

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Okay (this is the anon from the "too scared to request" ask) I read a fanfic similar to this and it got me thinking. What abt Ranboo x Vampire reader (platonic) where Ranboo basically kills people for money and he, not knowing reader is a vamp, tries to kill them and they pretend to be dead until later where they show up to his house and get revenge by making his life a living hell every day

You can totally ignore if you want I get it if it's too weird or specific for you to write

Revenge (part 1.)

requested?: (yes read above)

Warnings: Mentions of blood, knives, death and a whole lotta angst. (a bit ooc)

a/n: Non this was perfect! Dw about specific-ness or how ‘weird’ it is, that means you have a good imagination! Also being specific makes it easier for me to write! I hope you enjoy! I tried as best as I could^~*.

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You and Ranboo had been friends for ages. Ever since he first joined the smp. You always admired how truthful and kind he was. Spilling everything that happened to him in a instant, he trusted you so much that he even told you about everything that happened with Dream when no-one else knew. So the fact that he didn’t tell you that he killed for money hurt.In all honesty you could’ve helped him. But, it was very hypocritical of you. See, you had a secret of your own. You were a vampire. And no one knew.

You planned to keep it that way.

Everyone has been skeptical of how Ranboo got richer and richer every second. They honestly thought that he grinded for hours or worked in tradding materials but it was something different..something worse. You knew exactly what it was. At the dead of night he’d sneak out of his house, clad in Netherite armour and a sword shoved into his pant pocket like clock work. Theres was only one destination in mind. He’d set off to the community house.

Hovering over a tree, you floated in the air watching as ranboo quietly close the spruce door and hesitantly stepped down to avoid the creak of the step. He slings a bag over his shoulder that looks like it could crush anyone under 120 pounds.

‘Whats in the bag?’ you think eying it closely ‘wouldnt be a dead body, he wouldnt keep that in the house especially with Micheal in there.’

Ranboo stumbles here and there until he finally reaches the crafting table covered floor. Three guys stand infront of him. All varying in different heights.One carries a enchanted axe, the one on their right equpied with a bow while the other one is bare-handed. But…there was something else you noticed about their stance…

They were scared.

“Ranboo!” One called walking forward “So nice of you to finally join us.”

Ranboo scoffs walking towards the man but only to stop a little ways from them. He throws the bag on the floor gently. “You know its hard for me to sneak out of there.” He says bending down “Took me ages to put Micheal to bed.”

The guy laughs and shakes his head “I bet, childern are always stubborn. How is micheal now? 3? 4?” He watches as Ranboo opens the black bag slowly, eying it as if a monster is going to pop out and attack him and his goons.

Ranboo looks up at the man through his eyelash from the floor and lets out a laugh “How old my son is shouldnt be your business, punz” he sneers opening the bag a little wider.

Punz looks back to the guys behind him who were now taking off the hoods that layed upon their heads. The two figures behind punz was none other then AntForst and Bad. Its his turn to laugh “Shouldnt I know the things about my client?” to which ranboo huffs out a 'I’m not your client’ under his breath.

Standing up, ranboo towers over punz by a good amount making the boy in white peer up at the hybrid. “Yeah Yeah, whatever. Whats in the bag?” Looking away from ranboo,his gaze drops down to the bag on the floor. A purple-ish light floats from it making punz laugh in greed.

Ranboo huffs again as if hes done this a thousand times.

“He probably has” you mumble, you yourself trying to see what was in the bag without getting spotted.

“Everything you asked for,” He starts picking the bag up with ease “5 enchanted cross-bows, two stacks of arrows, half a stack of diamond blocks and 10 gapples.”

The men whoop and Punz goes to reach for the bag but his hand is slapped away by Ranboos freckled one.”No. This is not how the trade works, you know that. Dont get greedy. I dont sell to greedy people.”

Punz sighs and rolls his eyes but nonetheless takes out 10 blocks of netherite and 4 blocks of gold. “This what you wanted?” he asks making ranboo nod to conform. “Alright then on the count of 3 we had over our respected items and go our marry little way, alright?” Ranboo nods again. He can sense something- no. Someone lurking.

“Alright then 1,” Punz takes a step forward towards Ranboo and ant and bad do the same. Ranboo stays where hes at. “2,” Ranboo stays still once again but this time slowly reaches for something in his back pocket. The boys don’t notice but you do.

“Oh god ranboo please dont let that be what I think it is..” You gasp covering a hand over your mouth. From the your place up in the air you know take position on the ground barely visible behind a tree.

“3″ Ranboo pulls the sword that once was rested in his pocket and swings it into punzs’ stomatch. A bewildered look flashes across punzs’ face as he stares into Ranboos eyes. He grunts and falls forward but ranboo catches him before he can crash. While the knife is still in punzs’ stomach he lies him down getting his blood all over his hands.

Theres a scream couple feet in-front of Ranboo.

‘Crap,’ He panics looking up quickly and noticing the two men inching away from him ‘I forgot they were there!’

Ranboo slowly inches forward slowly to not cause any alarm. Ant speaks up for the first time in 30 minutes “Ranboo you dont want to do this...” He puts his hands up in defence. “Me and Bad can just move on! Forget about it! Just please...” his sentence trails off.

Ranboo twirls the knife in his hand. The blade soaked to the brim in blood. He shakes his head slowly...sadly. “I’m sorry but...I cant have any witnesses” with that he teleports infront of them and with one swift motions they take their place on the floor. Now, there are three bodies.

‘This is too much, whats going on? Whats...whats happening?’ You scream inside your mind. Thoughts running a mile a minute. This wasn't the Ranboo you knew and loved. This wasn't him.

Your body moves before you think and now your standing behind Ranboo as his shoulders shake. It hard for you to look away from the blood. The smell is strong and the desire to eat is stronger. But, you have to focus on the point at hand...

“what the heck is going on?!” That got his attention. He head snaps backwards so hard you think he might've snapped his neck. Your voice didn't register in his head until he saw your crazed look, fear danced in your eyes as you look at the enderman dressed in black. You were bent forward slightly, both hands wrapped around your baby blue robe eying the sword that rest in his palm.

Tears sprout in his eyes as he trips over his words. “(Y-Y/N)?What are you doing here?” He tries to walk towards you stops when you take a step backwards.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Your voice wavers in disbelief. “Why? WHY?! Why didn't you tell me this was happening? I thought we tell each other everything!”

Ranboo whimpers and shakes “we do..we do..we do..” he cries “im sorry..im sorry im so sorry...”

You scoff and take the hand from your robe and place it on your cheek, eyes stuck to the ground. You cant bare to look him in the eye. “why..why are you sorry? hmph? Are you sorry for brutally MURDERING THEM AND THEN GETTING CAUGHT! AND FOR WHAT?! THEIR MONEY?!” Anger was now in place of fear. You looked up and looked straight into his eyes. Remorse is written all over his face.

this causes him to shake more. “no, im sorry for what im about to do..” in the blink of a eye he teleports behind you and places the cold, metal object to your neck. “I love you so much...remember that” and with a quick slash you join the bodies on the floor.

Thick tears fall from his eyes bound to make scars later. With one deep breath he says these finals words before the darkness fades in “There shall be no witnesses.. im sorry (y/n)”

is this what betrayal feels like?

taglist (g):

@angelicaschuyler-church

@kusuinko

#ranboo x reader platonic #requested #dreamsmp #teen!reader #!vampire reader #platonic #cmerearson #arsonisago #hyrid

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nerdygaymormon · 3 years

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(1/2) hi david! ok i have a quick thing abt women and the priesthood: its so frustrating to me, and it used to be 1/12 months we would study the priesthood and honestly they don't teach us anything really other than what kind of stuff they do (vaguely). i always try to bring up the talks about womens priesthood power (only if endowed lol) but they always get brushed off. when i said how unfair it was when i turned 12 that i couldn't get the priesthood my mom took me aside and talked to me about

(2/2) she said to think of it like a wheelchair for men, to help them to be able to do good and help others and give them motivation because if women had the priesthood they would want to help everyone (i cant even with that metaphor its so wrong) and honestly, why can't women hold the priesthood? has that ever been said? why? because we live in a man/father led society? im just really tired of all the barely hidden sexism in lessons + calling the guys 'the priesthood' i hate it so much. thanks!

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Yes, I remember those lessons. I thought for the young women and Relief Society the focus should be on how they can access the priesthood, why it matters there is priesthood and so on, not learning the young men can pass the sacrament (which btw, preparing or passing the sacrament doesn’t require the priesthood and we used to allow females to do this).

And how come the people in priesthood quorums didn’t need to spend a month learning about women’s contributions, or motherhood, or a way to provide some equity for women having to put up with learning of the men’s roles for a month

Yes, I’ve heard the excuse that men need priesthood in order to train them to be as good as the women naturally are. I don’t buy it. If priesthood service boosts a person’s goodness, why would we not want women to participate?

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I feel like our Church doesn’t do a good job explaining it’s priesthood restrictions. That’s probably because there isn’t a good justification for them.

We had the disastrous ban of people of African descent not being eligible to hold the priesthood and also not allowed to receive temple blessings. Fortunately, in 1978 the temple blessings and allowing men of African descent to be part of the priesthood was restored. Now no one is banned based on race, ethnicity or national origin.

In early church history, the revelations mention men and the priesthood. I think that’s the basis for the current ban on women.

Was this absence of women intentional?

Could this be a case of the word “man” being used to mean “mankind” and wasn’t supposed to exclude women?

Maybe “men” is all the culture was able to accept at the time. Women didn’t have constitutional rights and weren’t allowed to vote, and were thought of as people who remain in the house while their husbands dealt with things in the broader world.

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For a long time, our church taught that women can “receive all the blessings of the priesthood” even if they don’t hold it themselves.

Today, President Nelson has indicated that something unique happens in the LDS temple ceremony — something that imparts priesthood power to women. In the temple, there are certain ordinances that women perform for other women, which indicates they have the priesthood even though they haven’t been formally ordained to the priesthood.

Unfortunately, this isn’t very well defined.

Do women who’ve been through the endowment ceremony hold priesthood power, even though they aren’t ordained, and are only authorized to use this priesthood in the temple?

Could they be authorized to use this priesthood outside of the temple?

Why are they only authorized to use their priesthood for other women and not men?

Is this the Aaronic or Melchizedek priesthood, or is it some other branch of the priesthood?

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I think it’s clear women can hold priesthood and wield its authority. There’s many examples from the Bible and early Church history.

Judges 4-5 - Deborah was a judge of Israel, acting as a prophet and military leader at a time when women were treated like property and valued by the number of children they could bear. She didn’t follow the gender role expected of her, and showed God is willing to have women as leaders, women as prophetesses. Perhaps patriarchy isn’t God’s will but a cultural trait of the ancient Israelites which we now read in the Bible and think is of God.

Acts 2:17 - “And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams”

Is priesthood required to prophesy?

Romans 16 - powerful scripture for equality and inclusion--so many names of women in positions of authority and influence listed. There’s not enough details to know the exact roles of the women. Is a “fellow servant” an apostle? Is a woman who travels & teaches as Paul does, an apostle? What about the women who are leaders together with their husband? Some women sound like heads of the congregation, are they equivalent to bishops and pastors?

There’s an address from Joseph Smith to the Relief Society on March 30, 1842 that many believe indicates he intended for women to hold the priesthood. “the Society should move according to the ancient Priesthood, hence there should be a select Society separate from all the evils of the world, choice, virtuou[s] and holy— Said he was going to make of this Society a kingdom of priests an in Enoch’s day— as in Paul’s day”

Healing by the laying on of hands was a practice that was common for Mormon women in the 19th century, although it was said to be done by faith, not priesthood. There’s even a famous example of Mary Fielding Smith blessing an ox to health on the trek west to Utah. This practice was stopped because it was too similar to the priesthood.

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What our church has allowed women to do has varied, and needing priesthood authority was often the excuse for why women couldn’t do these things.

Women were barred from praying in Sacrament meeting from 1967 until 1978.

In 1984, a woman spoke in general conference for the first time since 1930. Since then, women have spoken in every general conference.

Women were once permitted to join in or stand as an observer at the blessing of her baby, but today it’s priesthood only

In 2013, the first time a woman prays at General Conference.

In 2013, the "sister training leader" position is created, a leadership position for women who are missionaries.

In 2015, the church appointed women to its executive councils for the first time.

2021, positions for women were created at the Area level of leadership in Europe, they’ll participate in leadership councils, and train Relief Society, Young Women and Primary Leaders.

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Can women hold the priesthood? I think the evidence points to yes. I believe we’re in the same situation as the priesthood ban of Black men where it’s now our tradition and belief and will take a revelation to undo. The question is, are the apostles and prophet seeking such a revelation?

If we extended the priesthood to all worthy members regardless of gender, that would solve several issues. For example, we have areas with many more women as active members, and the men in those congregations must shoulder several callings that require the priesthood. Their burden would be much lighter if women could share in the responsibilities

The disparity that women see in their everyday lives would be eliminated. They may be in a position of authority at work, but then on Sundays, for the most part they’re limited to working with women & children, and excluded from top leadership positions. I wrote a thing where I switched gender roles at church and I think it makes clear the messages we are sending to our members, particularly our impressionable children and teensagers.

Then there’s the case of trans & intersex people. Is priesthood for men given according to their spirit or to their body? How do we know what gender is the spirit of an intersex person? If everyone were eligible for the priesthood, it would save us from having to answer what is perhaps an unanswerable question about whether the body & spirit of trans people got mismatched.

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We currently are not accessing the talents and capabilities of 1/2 the population. You’d think a church that has Heavenly Mother as part of its theology would be anxious to recognize the contributions that women can make and let them have leadership roles at all levels of the Church.

#long post

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cattles-bians · 3 years

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exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

#dj khaled voice another one #the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au

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luellasu · 4 years

Text

✧.° hello hello !!! i’m diana ( she/her, 20, est ) aka ur resident girl group stan !! so i’m a little late to the party but i’m finally here, introducing my baby angel luella ( she is quite literally an angel hehe ). u can read all abt her under the cut, but if u want 2 plot, we can do so thru im’s or on discord depending on what u prefer !! my discord is everybody say STAN LOONA#5522

𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴 : #ANG3L // STATS » luella ‘lu’ su, ( appears to be ) twenty, cis female, she/her, ballerina. ATTRIBUTES » devoted, mercurial, captivating, demure. SEEN » strangers whispering in the night, the lingering scent of vanilla in the air, tired eyes stained by glitter and mascara. DO NOT MISTAKE FOR » tzuyu chou.

( 𝑯𝑼𝑴𝑨𝑵. )

so,, since she cant remember her life as a human, i’ll keep it short !!! but i figured it’s worth mentioning

as a human, she had big aspirations. she was raised predominantly by her grandmother because her parents were always working

luella had always wanted to be a dancer, but she came from a lower middle class family and they couldn’t afford to put her in lessons. so, sometimes she would watch classes through the window

she studied hard in school and was at the top of her class, and despite never formally receiving lessons, all her years of observing classes made her a promising dancer

lu took a year off after high school to work and save money, and planned to audition for a prestigious ballet academy in europe because there were recruiters in her town

however, on the way to the audition, she died in a car accident along with her parents. a few months prior to this, her grandmother had died of old age

so, with the deaths of her and her family, it didn’t take long for her to be forgotten all together

( 𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬𝑳 . )

as an angel, luella avoided living with humans at first. she did not want to get too attached, and she felt that living among them wouldn’t end well for her

however, even from a distance, she became attached to one human. it was a girl, a ballet dancer. it was then she made the decision to live among humans, and she decided to take up ballet to be closer to her

still, even living among humans, she managed to keep some distance. she was more reserved, and extremely observant. eventually though, the two became friends. she felt more protective over this one human above all others

this continued for a while, but the guilt of having a favorite began to linger in her thoughts. she made the decision to leave and continue watching her from afar instead

once lu left the human world, she started to feel a lot better about herself and could say she no longer had favorites. for a few years, this worked perfectly. except the ballet dancer she had once been so close to developed an illness and passed away from it

lu was riddled with regret. she wished she had stayed close to her for the remainder of her life instead of running away. the worst part was, she knew that human felt abandoned by her

it was the first time as an angel that she felt like a failure

for a while after the death of the dancer, luella couldn’t focus properly. she began spacing out a lot, making mistakes more frequently ( when prior to this, she was the perfect example of what an angel should be ). she could not move on and started to feel like she was not fit to be an angel

as this was negatively impacting her ability to carry out her responsibilities, she pressured by the other angels to either overcome her failures or lose her status as an angel

this ultimatum made her realize she wanted to remain an angel and that she would have to get her act together to do so. for a brief moment, she contemplated giving up her status, to be able to forget it all. but when it came down to it, she didn’t want to lose the memories of all those she had crossed paths with, especially the dancer, who at least was alive in her thoughts

it was not easy to return to being the perfect angel, but she worked hard to get back to that level

eventually, she felt ready to live among humans once more. she decided to move to lunehaven for a while, though she really wants to move to paris one day. in the meantime, she has continued pursuing ballet and works as an instructor for kids

she attempts to live a quiet life, not getting too close to anyone, but it does get lonely sometimes

( 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀. )

luella tends to be quite reserved. she rarely initiates conversations or hangouts, but is relieved when someone else does. she enjoys being social, she’s just skeptical about getting too close to others

she is a scorpio sun with a libra moon so take that as u will !!

she is extremely devoted to dance and being an angel ( despite everything that happened ), and also very devoted to the few that she is close to, however, she changes her mind a lot about other things. her mood tends to change a lot, but she does her best to keep this to herself

as you can expect of scorpio and libra placements, she can be quite an intense/obsessive lover BUT can also be flighty if something seems too serious or causes her to feel too much. yes, she is a walking paradox i do not want 2 live in her head !!!

she adores classical music, which can be expected of a ballet dancer. she wants to learn how to play violin one day

her taste is pretty .... refined, so she can be quite the snob sometimes

she enjoys going to the theatre and the opera and stuff like that, and mostly goes alone

she comes alive at nighttime tbh,, the quiet hours once everyone has gone to sleep is her favorite time of day. she lovessss stargazing and if you become her friend, she will force you to have picnics under the stars

she’s bi bi bi babey !!!

take a look at her pinterest board to get a feel for her aesthetic !!!!

( 𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺. )

cultured duo - someone who goes to the theatre/cinema/opera with her !!! it could be against their will, maybe she begs them to come. or maybe they also enjoy the these things

ex-fling/gf/bf - there could b more than one of these !! they could have ended on bad terms or good terms, still have lingering feels or tension or maybe they remained friends !!! we can plot this literally however !!

unrequited crush - maybe she has a crush on ur muse and it scares her to admit. OR ur muse could have a crush on her and maybe she’s oblivious to it

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension !!! they started out hating each other but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. maybe they keep it a secret and don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop in soooo many ways

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a best/close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they strongly dislike each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs

dynamic duo - ride or dies. platonic soulmates !! this person is prob one of the closest people to her and knows her very well ! they could b a power duo, always looking out for each other

take care - i think it would be cool if maybe one day she drank a little too much or was having an off day in general and your muse helped her get home and spent the night to make sure she was okay. lu probably feels like she owes them a favor and is really grateful in general that they took the time to care

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they don’t like each other for whatever reason, which we can plot. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. maybe they bring out a bad side to her that most people dont see

good influence - someone she can be a good influence on, someone she brings out the best in, maybe someone she rly cares about and wants to look after to make sure they’re ok !!

this is all i have for now, but maybe eventually i will make a plots page !!!

#luneintro #✧.° ░ 𝒖𝒎 𝒊 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒖𝒓 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 ╱ ooc.#this is so late helppppppakjhsdjshddkh #it is 6 am i hav 2 go 2 bed now

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sluuuug · 6 years

Text

LOOOONG too long post abt dumb shit bc i can never like say actual things to ppl w out feeling weird so the relative anonymity of the internet is like Hot to me

i rly dont wanna go back to ny for so many reasons and it’s super sad n i feel like im disappointing everyone around me. i think even if i leave i’ll probably go back for my phd/mfa which makes me feel slightly better about it but like im just doing so badly recently? i think?? like im trying to be proactive abt getting help and going to therapy or whatever even though i fucking hate that but it’s really just so hard for me to gauge how im actually doing w/out being like “ok is that really that big of a deal tho.. maybe ur just being a baby........” and then subsequently convincing myself of the latter and like, feeling like shit for feeling like shit lmao.. like every day i think im not doing enough and im really not by my own standards. and the things that make me happy make me feel awful and so fucking guilty even though i know they really shouldnt. like, right now i like new hampshire im not gonna lie,, and i feel horrible for it?? like it took a long time for me to even kind of admit that i like new hampshire but i like it and i think it’s a healthier place for me to be than in new york right now. like obviously there i have some good friends tht i love and care about and vice versa but im fucked up and depressed and scared almost all the time and i really don’t connect with like 70% of the ppl i know. and even when i say that im like “well why dont you try harder to make those connections and actively seek out more opportunities for yourself” and that literally repeats in my head all the time and i just cant fucking do it and it makes me feel like im failing CONSTANTLY in every aspect of my life. i felt weird but like really like happy and ok when i was walking around the unh campus thinking abt getting an apartment with lauren or nathan and just doing my thing for a while and it was almost immediately overshadowed by guilt once again lmao. im really scared of what i might do to myself if i have another bad couple nights/days like i did a few weeks ago because i know if i die it would be extremely selfish to everyone who loves me but that’s really the only thing that stops me sometimes and depending on how bad im feeling it can be a really weak defense. i wish i could actually talk about this stuff in person with my friends and my parents because i know they deserve to know whats up with me but i literally cannot bring myself to answer their questions when they ask me. like hearing my dad basically pleading w me to take care of myself and stop punishing myself and focus on my health and seeing my mom crying and trying to like keep her anxiety under control and trying to make me pinky swear i won't hurt myself??? it absolutely fucking wrecks me and like it’s not fair that he should have to say those things to me or she should have to feel like that. i feel very loved but i feel like i dont deserve that love from them and i hate that people i make ppl worry about me bc they dont deserve it and im so so sorry to them. i truly wish they didnt know anything and i wish i was better and i hope i get better for them and also because like it’s super fucking weird to be so ambitious but also have like 0 will to live most of the time. unrelated but i drank too much vodka and puked at my friend’s house and he got me water and took care of me and stuff and like I KNOW thats just the decent thing any nice person would do but i thought he’d like draw shit on my face or something if i was ever like puking level drunk around him (which was a dumb assumption but like i dont think many ppl actually legitimately care abt me) but like i was wrong obviously and i just love him a lot im lucky to have ppl like that in my life. im gonna keep trying i guess.

#oof #i'll delete this later im just #x_x

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kxlebcross · 4 years

Note

multiples of three, please.

oh man i cant believe ur making me do maths at 4:18 am... but here goes nothing! (it’s gonna be long so i put it under a read more)

3. Ever done any drugs? uhhhh... yeah, for a short period yrs ago i had a friend group and with them we smoked weed pretty much every weekend... they did some hard drugs too but i never dared trying those cuz im a lil bitch lmao aaaaand i don’t do that anymore, it’s an expensive hobby to have and i usually waste my drugs money on pc games and ordering food srgsdfg

6. Describe your dream home. probs somewhere in a big city, close to the center because i love being a big city kid.... a mid-sized flat with lots of plants and those neat cat playgrounds mounted on the wall because i plan on having at least 4 cats in the future asdsd and i’d love to have a bigger balcony which i could transform into a little jungle and hand a hammock there and just chill and listen to the city’s noises at night when i can’t sleep

9. Do you watch porn? you may not believe but i actually don’t sdgsdfg the horny teen phase is over for me, if i wanna interact with anything pornographic i just read fanfiction dfgsdfgsf

12. What’s one of your fantasies? i hope it’s not supposed to be an erotic one lmao but i really wanna go on a road trip through europe, just pack up my shit and drive around, also i wanna visit haunted places all around england and get into the gaming business as a game translator/tester eventually

15. Are you in a relationship? thank god not anymore... and honestly i don’t miss it anymore, all of my previous ones were disasters and ended in a really ugly manner so.. no, i’m all good with my cat

18. What tattoos do you want? i don’t have specific plans for motives - though i’d really like a kitsune mask somewhere and a moon and one song quote. i’d like to have my whole left sleeve done, maybe part of my back, a half sleeve on my right hand and something smaller on my ankle - and i’m actually open to anything the tattooists would pick out; i care more about who’s gonna create my tattoo than what’s it gonna be, as my actually existing 2 tattoos r also premade, randomly picked out ones (though they accidentally matched up in some way and look pretty neat imo)

21. Describe your best friend. that’s a hard one.... i don’t think i have one anymore. i used to have this girl in my life, M, who i was really close to, but we had a fallout in october and she never came around to fix this even though i was open to the idea... so i lost my best friend, which is kinda sad considering that she was the only person i could open up to in the last 3 yrs. but hey that happens! i moved on and have a close friend still so im all good.

24. What are three places you want to travel? i really wanna visit scotland! it has this specific atmosphere i really long to experience, and i wanna see the landmarks and grassy fields and loch ness and haunted places and just roam around there for a while. i also wanna see moscow - it’s been sort of an obsession of mine since reading glukhovsky’s metro series, and also it’s a beautiful city worth visiting. i’d also like to get on the trans-siberian express but that’s not a specific place dsfsgdf the last place would be the aokigahara forest in japan - also one of the places i feel drawn to for ages now. found out about it years ago and since it’s been sort of a plan of mine to visit one time. if i manage to graduate university my mum promised to send me on a trip to japan - so if it works out, ill be on my way there baby! (i just need to work on my language skills first sasdfgf)

27. What’s your pet peeve? loud breathing, loud chewing... generally people being loud and annoying. ppl not covering their mouths while coughing. ppl who walk super slowly and take up all of the walkway like FUCK OFF OF MY WAY GODDAMMIT. in games when the npc walks a lot slower than ur running, but walking a lot faster than ur walking so its impossible to keep up with them. ppl not using headphones in public spaces. old ppl demanding respect when they treat u like shit. ppl forcing their religion on u (im looking at u auntie). ppl slurping their drinks. couples almost f*cking each other in public places... just get a room smh

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. oh i don’t need to tag them cuz i already got over that shyness and they totes know already that i wanted to talk to them for a while! (i admitted to it in the tackiest, cheesiest, most awkward anon ask i ever sent in to anyone sdfgsdf)

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? pretty much the same as now, all black and flannels and jeans, cuz i rly thing that major clothes shopping sprees r a waste of money sdfdf but i’d probably own a lot lot more shoes like custom made cat patterned vans and some more nikes and some creepers cuz i wanted to get some of those for like yrs now dfgdfg

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? uhhhh... kind of? not romantic ones tho, i just miss the long talks and the trust and understanding between us. i never got the closure i needed to move on and it still left some bad feelings towards her so its a weird mix of resentment and sympathy, and i try to not think abt it too much.

39. Are you a virgin? hahahahahahahahah, no, really.

42. Describe the hottest person you know. the hottest person i personally know is one of the ppl i used to be on my universitys e-sport team on with dfasd i always had a weak spot for ppl taller than me and hes literally model material with nice cheekbones and the perfect jawline and the best sense of humor ever. though he’s a widowmaker main in overwatch and thats a big big minus for him :(

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? lmaooooo thats a funny one listen up... so i was fresh out of breakup and wanted to make some friends.... wait for it.... ON TINDER. i live in an university town so i was like kewl imma make some ppl my age (until then all of my friends were A LOT older than me) and have some friends and if romance happens then it happens, w/e. so i set up this bar night with this one guy, i believe his name was David? so David and i meet up for drinks, i grab a gintonic and we sit down to talk... what he never knew abt me is that i am on the adhd spectrum and i have to get my hands busy with smth so i can focus on what im saying otherwise my thoughs r all over the place. so im casually keeping my hands busy with just spinning my locked phone there and back, or just messing around with the lime slice on my glass and at a random moment David goes like “u know.... i hate when ppl cant stop messing around with their phone” and im like ????? dude im literally just spinning it, not even messaging anyone or unlocking it or shit. and he goes on this rant that he always expects ppl to pay full attention to him when talking, looking at him (i never look ppl in the eyes cuz i tend to just go into panic mode from long eye contact and also i think its creepy to just stare at someone constantly) and just not doing anything else except paying attention to him so i go on explaining to him that i need to keep myself busy and im not doing it to annoy him - but he keeps on insisting so i excuse myself to a cigarette (he also hated smokers lmao) and call the widowmaker main friend from the previous question and am like “hey man i have the worst date of my life can u be at this place in 40 minutes and then we hit the night life” and hes like fine so i go back to David and tell him “sorry mate i just remembered i have my last bus home in 30 minutes and the next one is in 1,5 hrs and i really cant stay out that late so can we wrap this up and schedule an other meeting some other time” and hes like fine... got me to the bus stop, i sat on the bus.... got off at the next bus stop, met up with widowmaker main guy and went out for drinks and decided to never go on tinder dates again sdfgsdfg

48. Describe your ideal partner. thats a hard one, hey! but i dont think i have an ideal, guess ill work with anyone whos a decent human being who wont require me to be the housemaid and cook and clean and do everything for them. oh and they totally need to know how to use a washing machine... one of my exes was incapable of this (and here i was thinking that in 2018 ppl saw a washing machine already... looks like i was wrong and im still not over that incident 2 yrs ago). oh and they gotta be fine with the idea of never having kids cuz theres no way im putting myself through raising one of those, im a man of career and money, totally not responsible enough to raise another living human being sdsdgdf

#kush speaks #ask memes #thank u for asking!!!! i had fun answering those actually #kuwentista #answered

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uniformbravo · 7 years

Text

ramblin abt my ocs (a lot)

i think im starting to care abt my ocs again, which is good bc it seems like every time i go hard in a fandom for a while i get extremely apathetic abt my own characters (bc the ones im obsessed w/ at the time seem to outshine them in every conceivable way and make them look painfully boring in comparison), so im glad the current wave of those feelings is finally starting to wear off bc god

anyway i’ve been thinking about some old ocs lately (like from when i was 13/14) and i wanted to look into them some more so i pulled out the notebook that had their story, which was coincidentally the one that silan & sythra are originally from and wow it turns out there was actually a legit explanation for their alternate eye colors??

i know i’ve gone back to find this story before too (quite recently actually) so idk why i didn’t already know this, i think i literally just keep forgetting every time fkdfksjd

tbh it’s probably because it doesn’t apply anymore because ok their original story had a whole cast of characters with super powers (i’ve talked abt it a little before), and originally their Thing was that they could read each other’s minds, which is kind of still how they work now but the other thing they could do was share their literal sight? here’s the actual description from the story

If they are apart, they can do something called sight division, where they can choose to see what the other is seeing. It’s like because their eyes are opposite colors, they can match their missing eye with the other’s and share the sight.

like it makes sense and it’s a pretty cool idea tbh? and idk how i forgot about it but somewhere down the line their psychic relationship developed past the point of something like sight division even being necessary, like

in may 16th, the story i transferred them to after this, the link’s concept changed from simply being able to read each other’s minds to being a constant connection between them- it’s not a conscious decision they make to “read” what the other is thinking, they’re just always there in each other’s heads, aware of what is happening with the other person at all times

but even then the story would often have them mentally speaking full sentences to each other as a means of communication, whereas now it’s evolved even further past that; the current idea is that they are two separate entities that share the same mind space, constantly influencing and being influenced by each other’s thoughts, feelings, natures and personalities to the point that the line between the two of them distinguishing who’s who would be more accurately described as a gradient

so the concept of “sight division” has been rendered completely obsolete at this point because why would they need to share their sight when they literally know exactly what is happening with the other person at every waking moment of their connected lives

the reason for their eye colors became merely symbolic at some point between the original story and may 16th (i probably just forgot about the sight division & didn’t ever go back to check tbh) and the idea i’ve had ever since was that it was just a physical manifestation of their mental link; sythra’s eyes are originally blue and silan’s are originally brown, but because of the connection it’s like they have a little piece of each other within them, ergo the switching of their left eyes

that’s the explanation i’ve been using this whole time & i thought that’s how it always was, so reading the original concept kind of blew my mind & made me a little sad that i can’t use it anymore bc honestly??? good post op

anyway i rly want to do more with silan & sythra bc i feel like they have a lot of potential and i’ve had some cool ideas for them in the past, so maybe i’ll develop those more hmmm

i think i’d have to migrate them into another story separate from may 16th to really explore them, though. which is kind of a scary thought because may 16th is my baby, but. i think that time in my life has passed and it’s time to do something Bigger with these characters, because at this point they deserve so much more than Shitty High School Romance In Which Sythra Is Pretty Much Shoved To The Side To Make Room For The Main Relationship Plotline Where The Most Mediocre Dude Ever Shows Up & Steals Silan’s Heart By Being A Complete Dick To Him Wow (But Like, A Handsome Dick)

and ok that’s being a little harsh because that’s only the original draft- i’ve been salvaging it & rearranging it to make it leagues better, but the thing is, in the process i’ve only come to realize that it needs to become something bigger; my ideas are evolving it past that original high school romance setting, and while that setting will always hold a special place in my heart, i want to let this story and these characters breathe and grow to their full potential instead of caging them with nostalgia, you know? i think i’ll remember may 16th as the high school romance au, that is how it will live on in my heart

god i dont even know what i would do with chris in a new story though?? he is Truly the most mediocre and the only reason he was a prominent character in may 16th was because of his relationship with silan; if we’re gonna take that relationship away though then what is he even here for. his motivations include 1. Playing Sport and 2. Ignoring Every Emotion Especially The Gay Ones like god what an uninspired character what am i supposed to do with him. i mean i have been working on him lately but deep down i really do think he’s a boring character and i probably care about him the least out of all my main ocs hgjdgkdjksdg I FEEL BAD BUT

literally the only thing that has ever made him interesting to me is his relationship with silan like he has a fun dynamic with him and pretty decent development as a result of his interaction with him but as soon as he’s on his own he’s just sUch a boring character im snoring i need to fix chris somebody save him (read: me)

that’s the big problem here, i think. if im going to transfer these characters into a new story that’ll focus primarily on silan and sythra (or at least a lot more than may 16th did), chris would just be a huge distraction like he was in may 16th; if silan is what makes him interesting then he’ll just end up immediately latching onto silan and stealing the focus away from sythra bc chris only exists to be with silan, right. so the options im looking at here are

omit chris completely because he’d just be an unnecessary dead weight on the story or

find another purpose for him, give him new depth that doesn’t conform to a romance, reinvent him as a compelling standalone character who could fit right into any given setting- discover what defines him and build on it until he feels like he could be his own protagonist

....obviously one of these requires a lot more energy & dedication but. i cant just abandon my boy. my dumbass mediocre af shit boy

aaaaaanyway i’ve definitely gone on for way too long Oops i didnt mean to shit on chris for so many paragraphs hghdghsdgdj but im kinda glad i did bc that was smth i really needed to admit & come to that conclusion so That’s Cool. if anything u at least got to see a bit of what my brainstorming documents usually look like (theyre a mess)

but uhh ya Cool Glad We Could Have This Talk

#this got way too long looks like i never shut up abt my ocs what a surprise #(it's good tho im glad)#retag later #talkin bout stuff #rieley has oc's

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lawlliets · 7 years

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personal post / dont feel the need to read or reply im just venting abt myself and my life and my head and its super super SUPER SUPER long and i have nowhere else to vent besides this website and if youre wondering its just me venting about my anxiety and my life and myself, nothing else

#long post #deleting later

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ilygsd · 6 years

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odfidk: 140818 - 1

ok so i really want to talk to a therapist but i wont be comfortable explaining my life story if theyre white. i just want help cus im always so tired but no one helps. ive been angry, fighting my whole life but no one cares. i came as an angry anxious baby. i was furious when i was adopted. i was screaming all the time, abandoned multiple times just to be bought by these white foreigners i didnt even understand. but no one cared. no one knew how to handle my loss and pain, and my dad’s emotionally abusive as it is, making me grow up, feeling like theres smth wrong with me. that im just an annoying angry kid by default or smth, while my sister was the perfect one. thats why i always protected her. thats why i always stood up against his accusations, guilt tripping and anger. because my little sister was too afraid and i was already labelled as the problematic kid. but im tired. she’s fkn 15. after all the things ive done for her the least she gan do is ask me how im feeling fromt time to time. my whole family knows ive been depressed for like 2 years and the only one who cares is my mom who just survived a 7 year old long ptsd. i hear from her that my sister appreciates it but i never get anything from her. i dont feel appreciated in this family at all. im still the angry annoying sjw and nothing i say will ever be taken seriously by our dad cus hes a master of making both me, my sister and mom (probably brothers too but they fkn abandoned us a long time ago those pussies, leaving 10 year old me to fend for me and lil sis all on my own while our parents were divorcing, mom was suicidal, dad abusive and economy crashing) feel like shit. their divorce was probably my first trigger factor. it took me 2,5 years, i was 4 the first time i dared to let go of my parents. first time they could leave me out of sight without me being ”annoying and screaming” aka having a fucking panic attack. their divorce was another abandonment, another trauma and i never learnt how to get over that either.

yesterday i was crying in the bathroom for 2 hours straight bc my family doesnt love me, i get out and no one cares. i literally told my dad he wouldnt care if i died yesterday and he didnt react. he fkn closed the balcony door bc he didnt want the neighbors to hear me ”so angry and upset”. i yelled at him that when i commit suicide its going to be his fault but hes so narcissist and dumb he doesnt understand. so i threw smth and destroyed smth and tHEN he reacted. i love having to use unhealthy techniques like suicide threats and murdering threats to get a reaction. i once did that and this ex friend threatened to report me to the police for murder threat. her mom even called my boyfriends mom to warn them of me but she didnt even call my mom??? she didnt care abt the fact that next to my ”i want to kill everyone. dream of murdering my family” i also wrote ”i want to kill myself”. dont remind me of this though. im not proud of it. i know its weong to manipuqlte like this but no one teached me how to deal with my feelings and avandonemnt issues in a healthy way. and so i’ve took after my dad and turned into this controlling emtoionally abuser, all bottled up, constantly angry and sad, guilt tripping and manipulating the people im supposed to love in fear of them abandoning me. and i will always hate the world for making me suffer like this.

i just want to rest. im tired of always fighting for something as basic as love and safety. i never got over the loss of mom and culture and people. and i lost every sense of safety i had built up during my adoptive parents divorce and older brothers leaving. and im unhappy, im always unhappy because i miss my mom and culture and people so much. i feel misplaced and lost. the only thing keeping me alive being the thought of one day going back to china. the only thing keeping me alive is the thought of being able to actually help people with my experiences and knowledge, to help other international transracial adoptees or maybe fight for chinese womens rights or smth. thats the only thing. if my life turns out like.... nothing i’ve been suffering in vain. if im never going to be happy ive been suffering for nothing. ive tried so hard in my life but nothing works. im cursed. i really am cursed but not only do people leave me im also incapable of feeling other peoples love. i cant feel other peoples love because the only love i want is my mothers. my REAL mother, my ACTUAL mother, the chinese mother society loves to shame and make me forget because you all see her as a threat to my white parents claim over me.

the only difference between me and all those other ”normal” adoptees (aka my little sister) is that they’re whitewashed to death by their family, probably even more emotionally abused than i was and also they’ve repressed their feelings and trauma and I AM THE VERY REASON ADOPTEES DO THAT. ME AND ADOPTEES OVERREPRESENTATION IN SUICIDE STATISTICS ARE THE REASONS BECAUSE ITS GOING TO KILL YOU. my abortion and friend-break up was the last trigger before i exploded but believe me, it would have happened sooner or later anyways. my whole life has been a trigger. however many adoptees live their whole lives without ever waking up from this pretty little perfect sunshine story their parents and society had told them. there’s a reason so many adoptees are whitewashed to death and hates your disrespectful nosy questions. its a survival technique. we know that if we want to survive a life with our background conditions, then we have to repress our feelings concerning our adoption and everything associated with it. its not conciously, ITS A DEFENSE MECHANISM. and we get so much shit for it, which is understandable because many adoptees are fucking racist asshats. but you need to fucking understand that its because they’ve learnt to hate themselves and their own people. they’re TERRIFIED of being associated with immigrants and people of color because they know their white racist parents secretely hate them and actually secretely hate them too. all they want is love, they dont know anything else. it sucks to argue with a 40 year old adoptee of color though who’s still racist and whitewashed af, thats just sad and i would love to focus more on younger adoptees and help and support them through their ”awakening”. the awakening is much like learning about sexism or racism and how its ingrained in everything and practiced by your family and friends. just 100x worse cus you realize your family isnt even your family and you’re all alone in your thoughts, feelings, experiences and eventual search.

and adoptive parents and adoption organisations need to take fucking respnsobility for once without blaming everything on our traumatic past. you’re not ready to adopt non-white kids with trauma. you’re not educated enough and you placing us in all-white countries and neighborhoods, with problematic and abusive parents will not help. and im not speaking for myself, im speaking for ALL international transracial adoptees. im tired of hearing ”but your sister”, ”but my daughter is not”, ”my son doesnt care” WELL AS I SAID THEY DONT CARE BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER GIVEN THEM THE CHANCE OR REASON TO CARE. IVE SACRIFICED MYSELF FOR MY SISTER. IVE FOUGHT OUR PARENTS, IVE TOLD THEM I HATE THEM, IVE DONE EVERYTHING I COULD TO TEST THEM, MY MOM WAS SUFFERING FROM PTSD AND I WAS THE MOST ANNOYING PROBLEMATIC KID EVER BECAUSE 1. I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH MY PAIN AND 2. TO SEE IF THEY WOULD FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH AND LEAVE ME. I DID THAT BECAUSE I COULDNT LIVE WITH THE CONSTANT FEAR OF ONE DAY HAVING THEM GROW TIRED OF ME AND ABANDON ME. I WANTED THEM TO BECAUSE THEIR DIVORCE WAS AVANDOBMENT ENOUGH. I DID THAT BECAUSE MY KIND LITTLE QUIET SISTER WOULD NEVER HAVE THE COURAGE TO. SHE WOULD NEVER DARE TO STAND UP AGAINST OUR DAD OR QUESTION THEIR BAD PARENTING AND UNDEDUCATION WHEN IT COMES TO RACISM/ADOPTION INDUSTRY BECAUSE SHES SCARED. SHE HATES CONFLICTS AND FIGHTS BECAUSE THOSE ARE THINGS THAT TRIGGERS HER. SHE GETS TRIGGERED BY FIGHTS AND I GET TEIGGERED WHEN PEOPLE IGNORE ME BECAUSE SHES AVOIDANT AND IM ATTACKING. I WANT TO FIGHT BC THATS HOW I FEEL PPL CARE. WHEN MY DAD WALKS OUT ON ME WHEN I TRY TO FIGHT OR SAY SOMETHING THATS MY BIGGEST TRIGGER. WHEN I FIGHT WITH MT BF AND HE DOESNT ANSWER MY TEXTS OR HE SUDDENLY HUNGS UP ON ME THATS THE BIGGEST TRIGGER. MY SISTER WOULD HUNG UP BC SHE WOULD FIND SOMEONE LIKE ME SCARY BUT WE ALL GET TRIGGERED BY DIFFERENT THINGS. WHAT WE HAVE IN COMMON THOUGH IS OUR TRUSMA AND OUR ABANDOMENT ISSUES. SHES ALSO AFRAID OF BEING ABANDONED, WE ALL FUCKING ARE, MANY OF US JUST DONT KNOW IT YET BECAUSE OUR PARENTS ARENT EQUIPPED TO HANDLE KIDS WITH TRAUMA. I KNOW BECAUSE I LOVE POLITICS AND SOCIAL JUSTICE SO I EDUCATED MY OWN GOD DAMN SELF. MY SISTER LOVES NATURAL SCIENCE SO SHE DOESNT KNOW A SHIT SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHAT A BISEXUAL IS AND SHES FKN 15, SHES AWESOME AT NATURAL SHIT AND THATS IT. I KNOW BECAUSE IVE ACTIVELY SOUGHT INFORMATION ABOUT IT BUT NOT EVERYONE DOES. NO ONE HELPED ME. EVERYTHING IVE LEARNT AND EVERYTHING I KNOW IS THANKS TO MY OWN GOD DAMN SELF. ADOPTIVE PARENTS DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT RACISM OR TRAUMAS. MY MOM UNDERSTANDS BECAUSE SHES A FUCKING PSYCHOLOGIST, BUT IF I DIDNT COME UP WITH THESE THEORIES ON MY OWN SHE NEVER WOULD. SHE TELLS ME NOW AT AGE 19 THAT ADOPTING ME, SEEING ME SCREAMING FOR DEAR LIFE AS I WAS HANDED OVER FELT WRONG. SHE FELT LIE SHE WAS TAKING ME, THAT IT WAS INHUMANE. AND NOW SHE KNEW WHY. BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING WRONG AND INHUMANE. SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE COME TO THAT CONCLUSION IF I DIDNT PUSH HER WITH MY KNOWLEGE. IM THE ONE EDUCATING MY PARENTS AND ITS ONLY MY MOM LISTENING AND SINCE SHES WHITE AND NOT ADOPTED HERSELF SHES STILL ONLY ABLE TO UNDERSTAND LIKE 50% OF IT

i honestly dont get enough appreciation in this family. the only thinkers in this family is me, my mom and one of my brothers. but fuck him as i said, he abandoned us during their divorce and he’s been absent all my teenage years. we could have been close, he could have helped me bc he also suffered from depression. he gould have protected me like i proteced my little sister but he didnt. maybe it was the age gap or the fact that me and my sister are adopted while he and our other brother isnt, we’ll never know. all i know is that unlike my other brother and our dad he’s not completely unfamiliar with what racism, sexism and capitalism is. he’s not dumb and empty. he got a brain and he would be capable of understanding these things just like mom if he wanted to. but its been so many years, he’s fucking 28 and he betrayed me that bitch.

i really dont get enough appreciation. no one ever tells me they love me or appreciate my brain since im the only one analyzing shit. my mom does too but only personal and psycholgy shit never society or groups like oppression and structures and systems. im the only one doing that and im good at it. i always see patterns and i know my politics very well so i can easily see what kind of ideology people have. but i never get credit for it. im still just the lazy kid while my sister get cred for..... idk studying and working our and being didciplined. also ive been through mich more than anyone in this family. my mom and brother has also been through shit, i mean okay ALL OF them have because all people go through shit, but ive LEARNT things and they havent. they’ve repressed it or ignored it. only my mom and brother have also learnt but they never talk. my brother is avodiant like my sister. he never talks. hes quiet to himself and thinks. my mom talks but shes still a pussy

#odfidk #diary

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