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#at least i feel better thsn i did in December. well see how long it takes to drive me under again.
opens-up-4-nobody
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1 year
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#we r caught back in the agony spiral yall. bc ive made no progress writing today bc its been a long week and im tired
#and i cant focus. but i could probably. im just being a baby abt it
#i should just go to sleep. ive gotta go do field work tomorrow and im kinda stressed abt it
#or i should do something fun thwt will made me less miserable but i csnt do that. theres no timd
#time. so i should sleep. but sleep is a waste of time and really i shoulf b writing
#but im tired and my tummy hurt :-(
#i hope tomorrow doesnt take long :-((
#no sample collection pls 🙏
#and ive got interview stuff to prep for. like thats a month away but i gotta convince ppl i understand photosynthesis
#and its been a fucking minute since biochem :-(
#ugh. im trying to make better decisions in this new year. less destructive decisions bc i have to convince ppl ive got my shit together
#so ill get hired and also i dont wanna b an annoying bummer to exist around
#still no joy for what i do tho. like i was working with a masters student last week and she was like oh yea it was fun
#and im like *awkward pained smiled* bc it wasnt as bad as i thought but doing it for 2 weeks would kinda hurt s lot
#so well see how much damage it does me
#no joy. only tasks to do. things to accomplish. for what? why? who the fuck cares. not me
#me. without feeling: it would b interesting to see if X and Y
#interesting in a i don't gave a fuck sorta way. bleh. so bitter. burnout u never recover from
#at least i feel better thsn i did in December. well see how long it takes to drive me under again.
#its just weird to look back at the me of before who was excited abt things. i burned thr insides out of that person
#but no tonight we r making better choices. no writing happening so we do something more fun
#ugh. i just wanna think abt quantum l3ap. but no. other things to do. sigh... even in my fun time im not allowed too much fun :-(
#unrelated
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