i can stay alive long enough to make the mushroom soup ive been wanting to make. i can do that, at least

@risingsouls​:

Finally. The day had come to put all of her training to the test. To see if all the secret lessons from Lila, all the solo practice, and all the internet videos paid off.

Since coming to Earth, Nabooru never cared much for their holidays, and Valentine's Day in particular never made much sense to her. Love was meant to be shown every day of the year, so why dedicate a whole day to extravagant declarations of love, going on dates, and buying romantic gifts? She and Gogeta did that plenty year round, and, at first, she didn't plan to do much outside of their usual evening routine. But, somewhere along the line, the urge to do something special for Gogeta struck. And while she wouldn't chalk it up to a desire to celebrate the day of love itself, it seemed as good of an opportunity as any other to plan for. The season did have its own way of being infectious, and she supposed it was about time she really buckled down and took the cooking skills Gogeta painstakingly attempted to teach her to a more definite level.

Thus, when Gogeta left for work that morning, she took off for the market herself with a gargantuan list of ingredients she had been amassing over the past month or so. She went to every farmer's market she could find and, by around noon, had all the ingredients she needed, along with flowers that grew in a field they frequented for the occasional picnic to spruce up the table as a centerpiece. After taking a lunch to Gogeta at the butcher shop and enjoying his lunch hour with him as they typically did, she began the process of cooking the meals she planned. Gogeta's favorites, to be exact. Miso ramen to char siu and a range of other dishes she observed he had a particular appetite for, along with a couple different desserts. Including their infamous cowcat cookies.

After finally managing to fit the last dish on the food-laden table, she checked the clock on the wall as she wiped her hands on her apron. Twenty minutes until Gogeta would head home. Plenty of time to change and spruce up before he arrived. She touched up her makeup and brushed out her long, crimson locks before shimmying into the dress she picked out for the occasion. Just as she zipped it up and slipped into her heels, she sensed his energy heading toward the desert.

She rushed out to the living room turned makeshift private restaurant with a shift of furniture and, when he landed, she opened the door to greet him, beaming. "Welcome home, love." She grasped his hands in her own and pressed a kiss to his lips.

She backed up and tugged him over the threshold and inside. Flickering candlelight all around the room served as lighting, casting the room in a romantic glow. It only took that one step inside and a glance to the left to spot the dining table, moved to the living room for the occasion to replace the typical couches and chairs, covered in food with a vase of wildflowers in the center. Thus, the flourish of Nabooru's arm toward the fruits of her labor was wholly unnecessary.

"I hope you worked up an appetite today. I don't think I can eat this all by myself."

While Gogeta did remember (albeit a day or two before) what today was, he…didn’t care too much. Valentine’s Day has never been relevant to him, and a past unpleasant situation due to Bulma and Chi Chi (mostly Bulma) thinking they deserved some kind of gift from him turned the fusion off from caring even remotely about it altogether. It’s remained that way ever since the first Valentine’s he experienced, a year…or two ago. Maybe even three. However long ago his permanent creation occurred. Time tended to blend events together.

Being in a relationship now did somewhat change his feelings about it. But Nabooru also didn’t care for the holiday, so Gogeta himself has never felt inclined to do something “festive” for her. Likewise, he didn’t expect anything special from her either, and went about the day thinking it’d go like most of the other ones have previously. Such belief would get spun around on its head, when he returned home in the evening.

His eyes combed over the rather pretty dress she wore, but it didn’t seem too out of the ordinary since she usually wore visually appealing outfits. When led to the living room however, the Saiyan looked on in surprise at the extravagant set up, and felt his mouth begin to salivate at the delicious scents wafting into his nose. Now, he couldn’t say with absolute certainty that Nabooru did all this because of today, but did it matter anyway? He was touched nonetheless.

     ❝ Hm. You outdid yourself. ❞  The smile that slipped onto his face was sincere, and a little flattered. His black tail swayed behind him.

     ❝ I am feeling pretty hungry, so none of this should go to waste. ❞

Goodbye 2022

Here we are, yet again at the dawn of a new year. I’m currently spending my NYE like a totally cool person, i.e: alone in my house by choice! Although, no lie, I’m kinda digging it. Alone is where I thrive.

As I wonder at what fresh horrors await me (and this “great” nation) in 2023, I also look back at the year gone by. Honestly, even though last year swept by quickly it did still feel like the equivalent of 5 years. So much happened in the span of just twelve months that I still can’t believe that it was only a year gone by.

To begin with- I turned thirty. And with it came the fears of ageing and falling behind in life. But also a certain form of wisdom as well. I know I’ve matured in the span of one year more than I had in the last 5 years collectively. Sure, my disease may also have played a major role in the maturing but either way, a lot has changed in me. While I do still remain an avid overthinker- the things I tend to overthink about have changed. I dedicate much less time to worrying about dwindling relationships and people. My sole focus has been my work. This year I finally reached peak levels of workaholic, where I juggle four jobs, 7 days a week into the wee hours of the night. It’s been AMAZING! It’s exhausting but it feels so good to be productive. I mean I have no social life- save for maybe a week or so in April and a couple of weeks in December when I decide to come out of hibernation and socialise. But I feel so empowered. It feels good to make money, and to know that I survive completely off my own hard work and efforts. I’ve always liked the idea of being independent and it is my dream to be wholly independent as soon as I can.

So I’ve gone from worrying and wishing I could be younger and out having fun to finally seeing that what I truly love is being busy and productive. No amount of partying could ever meet the rush that comes with a packed schedule in which you work on autopilot. I earn and I get to spend and suddenly I feel like I’m my own man- or better yet, I feel like I’m overcoming limitations placed on women throughout history. I am the first girl from all my Sinhalese relatives living in Lanka to move out of my parents home- by choice and before marriage. I feel so proud because I feel like not only am I setting a precedent for other girls in the family who follow after me but I’m also living by my own rules. It’s a feeling of liberation that I can’t quite capture in so many words. It’s a thrill. The feeling of power and independence is always such a turn on- even if it’s about ourselves.

I also learned to value more important things in life and the brevity of human life and how so much of what we stress about truly means nothing in the grand scheme of things. From spending the middle part of the year stressing about the lack of a man and the hopeless attempts at finding someone through a dating app I evolved into spending the latter half of the year being grateful for things like movement and the ability to simply function. All it took was an autoimmune diagnosis, a few weeks of pain and limited movement and extreme hairfall before I realized that no man on this planet mattered more than my own abilities to function. My drive for independence meant that I needed to be able to function normally and on my own- suddenly that’s all I wanted. I valued the simple things- the things we take for granted. I learnt that there was so much God had already given me that I’d complained about and not looked after, and simply taken for granted. I learnt that I cherished those things and would fight as much as it took to retain them.

I learnt that I can actually live without my so-called best friends. I learnt that what I had for so long fooled myself into believing could be destroyed in a single relationship. That the trust I placed on people had been completely ill-fitting and that so often they can surprise you in ways that you don’t want to be surprised in. Dowaan proved to me how all that I had built him up to be as a friend was in no way what he was when it boiled down to it. When push came to shove he simply stood there agog- choosing a three month old “relationship” that started with cheating over a 10 year friendship that had been built on support and mutual understanding. And when I say choosing a 3 month old relationship- it didn’t really have a choice involved- simply a matter of standing up for his friend of ten years (his best friend) when his girlfriend at the time chose to take issue with his and my friendship. Better yet, it showed me who his girlfriend i.e: my best friend of 23 years, truly was. Apart from not trusting me, and trying to tear apart my friendship with Dowaan, it has since been revealed to me that she said some wonderfully “insightful” and completely false things about me to him during their courtship. What was truly the cherry on top was how at the end of that relationship and in the midst of the crisis in the one that followed, she still chose to call me and turn to me to be a shoulder to cry on despite all she had said. I feel like in learning and realising all this I’ve opened my third eye into the realities of the universe and the people in it. If I didn’t have much reason to trust humans, I have even less reasons now.

And the final lesson that came right at the cusp of the year drawing to an end, was to place more value and self respect on myself. A night of drinking and other shenanigans led to shameful sex with an old FWB in which neither him nor I were into it- thereby leading to a less than mediocre sexual experience that left me feeling more ashamed and in no way satisfied. I woke up feeling like I’d made my final big mistake for the year and it was all I needed to leave the bad habits that have held me back, in the year that was closing and take on the new year with better regard for myself. Sexual frustration should not be an excuse to shamelessly belittle myself, and going forward I hope to let my head make my decisions and not my libido. 

So much has happened to help me see more clearly than ever how much I need to watch out for myself, who my real friends are and what truly matters. This year was a great teacher. It taught me to love myself- not in the cringe-y Instagram influencer kinda way, but in the brutally honest, no-nonsense kind of way where I don’t let others walk all over me. And most importantly that I stop giving a fuck about people and incidents that don’t fulfill me, and choose instead to work on building my dream future for myself- because God knows, I deserve it!

JORDAN  RILEY  FOR  RIOT!  MAGAZINE,  feat.  mickey  alteri     ( @sequelslasher )

JORDAN  RILEY  BREEZES  INTO  HALLOWED  GROUNDS  like  something  out  of  a  movie  —  not  a  hair  out  of  place,  and  she  doesn’t  miss  a  beat  as  she  slides  into  an  empty  seat  at  the  table,  apologizing  for  running  late  when  she’s  ten  minutes  early.  When  this  is  pointed  out,  she  laughs.

“I  try  to  be  fifteen  minutes  early  to  everything;  anything  else  is  late.”

Orders  are  placed,  pleasantries  are  exchanged,  and  once  a  steaming  cup  of  jasmine  tea  is  in  front  of  her,  Riley  becomes  an  open  book  to  RIOT!

YOU  STARTED  OUT  IN  THEATRE.  WHAT  MADE  YOU  WANT  TO  TRANSITION  TO  FILM?

It  was  something  I  thought  long  and  hard  about.  I  always  knew  I’d  make  that  leap  eventually,  but  I  didn’t  know  when,  and  I  had  lots  of  conversations  with  my  agent  about  it.  It  came  down  to  waiting  for  the  right  project  to  come  along,  and  I  was  lucky  enough  for  it  to  happen  so  early.

HOW  DID  YOU  KNOW  THE  DEEP  CUT  WAS  THE  RIGHT  PROJECT?

My  agent  gave  me  the  script  to  read  over  and  on  the  train  ride  home  I  cracked  it  open;  I  couldn’t  put  it  down.  I  had  plans  with  friends  that  night  that  I  canceled  so  I  could  finish  it.  I  was  making  notes  in  the  margins,  just  immediately  highlighting,  annotating.  It  hit  me  at  one  moment  that  I  was  putting  the  cart  before  the  horse  and  I  knew  I  had  to  play  Sloane.  I  at  least  had  to  try,  or  I’d  regret  it.

WHAT  WAS  YOUR  AUDITION  LIKE?  HOW  DOES  IT  COMPARE  TO  STAGE  AUDITIONS?

Well,  I  didn’t  have  to  prepare  a  song  or  dance.  It  didn’t  stop  Mickey  from  asking  me  to  sing  a  few  bars  when  he  saw  all  the  stage  credits  on  my  resume.  [  She  laughs.  ]  It  wasn’t  too  different,  honestly.  They  had  me  read  my  sides,  and  gave  me  room  to  improv  a  little,  which  was  great  for  me  because  I  have  some  improv  training  and  I  think  my  acting  is  the  most  fresh  when  I’m  thinking  on  my  feet.  I  was  really  in  my  element  in  the  audition  room,  so  any  nerves  I  had  building  up  just  left  me  completely.

WHEN  DID  YOU  FINALLY  GET  THE  CALL?

After  about  six  weeks  from  my  initial  audition.  I  did  several  rounds  of  callbacks  after  my  first  audition  and  then  I  didn’t  hear  anything  for  a  couple  of  weeks,  and  I  thought,  well,  I  didn’t  get  it.  I  was  between  gigs  at  the  time  and  took  up  waitressing  because  you  still  have  bills  to  pay  and  food  to  put  on  the  table,  whether  you  book  a  job  or  not.  I  never  got  a  formal  call,  either  —  Mickey  found  out  what  restaurant  I  was  working  at,  requested  to  sit  in  my  section,  ordered  a  whole  cake  and  asked  me  to  write  ‘Congratulations  Jordan  Riley,  you  are  Sloane  Whitman’  on  it.  I  think  I  jumped  ten  feet  in  the  air,  I  was  so  happy.  I  know  I  quit  on  the  spot,  but  I  think  my  boss  understood.

THERE’S  A  LOT  OF  HEAVY  SUBJECT  MATTER  IN  THE  MOVIE.  HOW  DID  YOU  PREPARE  FOR  THOSE  SCENES?

I’d  try  and  isolate  myself  prior  to  shooting  those  particular  scenes  just  so  I  could  clear  my  head  and  get  in  the  right  mindset  and  just  wholly  and  completely  focus  and  be  in  the  moment.  And  I  think,  as  people  in  general,  if  you  live  long  enough,  you  have  some  less-than-stellar  life  experiences.  I  tapped  into  my  own  and  pulled  from  those  experiences  to  elevate  the  performance  as  best  I  could.  I  think  the  audience  knows  when  an  actor  is  simply  acting,  you  know,  running  through  the  motions,  making  sure  they  hit  the  beats,  and  when  an  actor  really  believes  the  material  they’re  trying  to  sell  and  is  in  it,  and  I  wanted  to  make  sure  I  did  all  I  could  to  be  in  it.

WHAT  WAS  YOUR  PROCESS  OF  GETTING  INTO  CHARACTER?

I  like  to  think  of  it  as  ‘soft  method.’  I  went  back  to  my  script  annotations  and  I  just  built  off  of  that.  I  thought  about  what  Sloane’s  daily  routine  would  be  like  —  she  doesn’t  have  one,  in  my  opinion  —  and  I  went  from  there.  There  was  day  where  I  hopped  on  a  bus  just  to  see  where  it  would  take  me,  which,  in  hindsight,  is  a  little  reckless  and  dangerous.  I  also  made  a  huge  playlist  of  music  I  felt  like  she’d  listen  to  and  I  played  that  when  I  was  in  hair  and  makeup,  and  I’d  have  it  on  me  to  listen  to  between  scenes  just  so  I  could  stay  in  that  headspace.

WHAT  WAS  THE  MOST  CHALLENGING  DAY  ON  SET?

I  don’t  want  to  spoil  anything,  but  the  third  act  is  about  what  you  would  expect  from  a  slasher  movie.  There’s  a  lot  of  action,  a  lot  of  things  happening,  one  right  after  the  other  and  it  all  takes  place  on  one  location  at  night.  It  took  us  weeks  to  shoot  this  sequence  of  just,  madness  happening,  and  there  was  one  point,  it’s  three  in  the  morning,  we’ve  been  shooting  for  hours  with  no  break,  I’m  covered  in  blood,  so  are  some  of  my  co-stars,  and  we’re  just  —  we’re  all  losing  our  minds,  a  little  bit.  Keeping  up  the  energy  and  staying  in  the  moment  was  definitely  a  challenge,  because  you’re  sore,  and  tired,  and  hungry,  your  throat  is  getting  hoarse  from  screaming,  but  you  still  have  a  job  to  do  and  you  have  limited  time  because  sunrise  is  in  a  few  hours  and  then  you  can’t  shoot  anything  until  the  next  night,  and  it’s  a  tight  schedule.  We  pulled  it  off  but  that  was  something  I  hadn’t  anticipated.

WHAT  WAS  THE  BEST?

Any  day  where  I  got  to  do  my  own  stunts.  I  have  a  huge  background  in  dance,  I  run  three  miles  every  morning,  and  I  have  some  experience  in  self-defense,  so  I’m  fairly  athletic,  fairly  flexible,  and  the  way  fight  scenes  work,  it  has  choreography.  It’s  a  lot  like  a  dance,  and  I  thought,  well,  I  can  do  that.  And  they  let  me!

RUMOR  HAS  IT  MICKEY  ALTIERI  IS  A  PRETTY  STRICT  DIRECTOR  TO  WORK  WITH.  WHAT  WAS  THAT  EXPERIENCE  LIKE?

I  can’t  lie  to  you,  I  was  a  little  intimidated  at  first  —  but  when  it  comes  down  to  it,  he’s  just  trying  to  make  the  finished  product  the  absolute  best  it  can  be.  That’s  what  everyone  on  set  wants,  and  when  you’re  all  working  toward  the  same  goal,  it’s  hard  to  get  upset  about  reshooting  a  scene  twenty  times.  Especially  because  —  he’ll  have  the  shot,  you  know  he  will,  but  he  wants  to  try  something  different,  wants  to  change  it  up  a  bit,  just  to  see  what  will  work,  and  he’s  really  receptive  to  suggestions  and  ideas  other  people  have.  There  were  a  few  moments  where  we  finished  a  scene,  and  it  was  good,  we  got  everything  we  needed,  but  he  goes,  okay,  let’s  try  this.  And  we  try  that,  and  it  turns  out  to  just  push  things  to  another  level.  I  really  respect  that  and  the  level  of  dedication  there  is.  It  was  the  best  motivator,  to  be  completely  honest  with  you.

WHAT  HAS  YOUR  LIFE  BEEN  LIKE  SINCE  FILMING?  DO  YOU  GET  RECOGNIZED  OFTEN?

I’ve  gotten  recognized  a  couple  of  times,  but  it  hasn’t  been  anything  extreme  yet.  More  often  than  not  people  have  kind  of  double  taked  in  the  sense  of,  ‘I  recognize  you,  but  I  can’t  place  it.’  Life’s  been  good,  though.  I’m  originally  from  Ohio  and  I  recently  got  to  go  back  home  and  visit  my  family,  which  was  great.  Everyone  was  so  excited  to  hear  about  LA  and  what  filming  was  like  and  it  was  just  nice  to  be  surrounded  by  the  people  who  mean  the  most  to  me.

WHAT  IS  YOUR  GREATEST  INSPIRATION?

My  abuela.  She’s  the  strongest  woman  I  know;  she  immigrated  here  from  Puerto  Rico  on  her  own  when  she  was  seventeen  years  old,  and  she  built  an  amazing  life  for  herself.  She’s  the  reason  I  got  into  acting  in  the  first  place.  I  think,  if  I  become  even  half  the  woman  she  is  someday,  I’ll  have  done  good.

WHAT  WAS  THE  BIGGEST  THING  YOU  LEARNED  FROM  WORKING  ON  THE  DEEP  CUT?

To  not  be  afraid  of  letting  my  guard  down  and  just  being  vulnerable,  both  as  an  actress  and  as  a  person.  You  never  really  think  about  it,  but  the  horror  genre  is  home  to  some  of  the  most  deeply  human  stories  you’ll  see  in  film,  and  this  one  taught  me  a  lot  about  myself  —  mostly,  to  stop  holding  myself  back.

WHAT’S  NEXT  FOR  YOU?

Professionally,  I’ve  got  a  stack  of  scripts  on  my  dining  room  table  I’ve  been  looking  through  and  some  auditions  lined  up.  I  can’t  say  much  more  than  that  —  just  that  I’m  excited  to  get  back  in  audition  rooms  and  see  where  it  leads  me.

Personally,  I’m  just  enjoying  the  last  few  weeks  of  anonymity  I  have.  I  might  sign  up  for  a  surfing  class  or  go  out  for  pizza  and  beers  with  my  friends  tonight.  Either  way,  life’s  been  pretty  good  to  me  lately.  I  don’t  have  any  complaints.

Personal Recommendation (2/28/21)

Damsel by Elana K. Arnold

Why am I recommending this book?

I loved this one. I finished it in less than two hours and then spent an extra hour lying there thinking about how great it was. I think this is the first book I’ve felt this way about in a long time, so anticipate a very long, spoiler-filled review. (Please keep in mind, this review discusses things like rape, abuse, and extreme misogyny. If this is a trigger for you, please do not read this review! Also, if you’re looking to avoid spoilers, skip to the Overall section.)

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Plot 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

In the land of Harding, it’s tradition that after the previous king dies, the prince will venture out, slay a dragon, and rescue a damsel. When Ama wakes up in the arms of Prince Emory of Harding, she has no memory of the dragon or anything before that. However, as she starts her new life as Emory’s fiancée, she starts to realize that life in the palace isn’t quite what it seems.

One thing you must understand is that this book is character-driven. There is no grand plan or kingdom-threatening evil. It’s all about Ama and how she deals with life in Harding. As such, the plot section will be a little short. The gradual transition that takes place in Ama from her arrival to the wedding is very well done, and the slow revelations that take place really begin to up the ante towards the end. Even if this wasn’t the most exciting book I’d ever read, I was entirely invested in Ama and her search for the truth.

There was also a very cool bit of symbolism in this book with the comparison of Sorrow, Ama’s lynx kit, and Pawlin’s falcon. The falcon represents what Emory wishes Ama to be, the perfect pet. An obedient creature that will always return to him. Sorrow represents what Ama actually is. A wild animal that was partially trained before eventually finding freedom again. Both Ama and Sorrow return to Harding with Emory, are trained to behave a certain way, and face pain and sickness before escaping.

Also, this was the most satisfying ending to a book that I’ve read in a long time. It’s a bit open in that we don’t know what the characters will be doing after or what will happen in Harding, but Ama gets what she wants and takes out the people who were keeping it from her, and even though I don’t know what will happen to her after, I know it’ll probably be something good.

Characters 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Now, this is the section that will be quite long. Ama has her quirks and traits, but I believe that first and foremost she is average. She has the sort of compassion that you would expect from any human being, and she doesn’t always speak out. Sometimes, she’s scared, and she ends up giving in. As the story progresses, Ama begins to lose some of her fire, she begins to give up. It’s very easy to see how her treatment is having an effect on her character, and that’s why I felt so strongly about her arc. Seeing her gradually lose herself makes me all the more insistent that she will win in the end. And she does, and it’s a very satisfying win at that. I’m particularly fond of how she turns Emory’s words on him during her escape.

Emory is an incredibly well-written character. The transition from savior to captor is very smooth and convincing. When Ama first meets Emory, he’s very sweet. He showers her with compliments, he prioritizes her comfort over his own, and he protects her fiercely. He was so nice that I at first thought that he would be Ama’s ally in Harding. However, once Ama and Emory enter Harding, a place where he is now king, he changes. He expects Ama to fit the mold of the perfect bride; quiet, docile, pretty. He humiliates her, does whatever he pleases, and he can get away with it all because he has undeniable power there. To put it simply, Emory slowly begins to show the classic signs of an abuser. He exerts his power in every way, he cuts her off from the outside world, he tries to deprive her of Sorrow, her only protector, and he and his friends gaslight her at every turn. And it’s slow enough that by the time Ama is exposed, she’s already under the watchful eye of an entire kingdom. A realization of Ama’s puts it in perfect terms - he likes her best when she’s in need of rescuing.

Ama and Emory at first seem like the perfect couple. It matches what we have been taught, the brave prince and the beautiful damsel, and Emory is dedicated to the show. In fact, Emory never once physically abuses Ama. He loves to give her compliments, and it’s obvious he genuinely wants to marry her. Unfortunately, the reasons for marrying Ama are probably due to his coronation and his belief that, as king, he needs a damsel as queen. The psychological abuse on Ama is profound, and, because of the culture in Harding, he can get away with it no problem. It’s only through Ama’s own strength and the help she receives from other girls, such as Tillie and the queen mother, that she is able to escape.

The last major character I want to talk about is the queen mother. She is very important for Ama’s discoveries, and she’s a classic abuse victim. She has come to accept what happens in Harding as the norm, and she encourages Ama to accept it as well so she won’t get hurt. However, she still is an important character to Ama, and she still, perhaps on purpose, helps Ama escape what she had to experience. I have high hopes for her at the end.

Writing Style 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

This book is written in a similar style to a typical fairytale. It has similar language, and a lot of the descriptions, especially of Ama’s inner feelings, are rather abstract. It really does feel like an exceptionally long fable. Also, the pacing in this book, the way the revelations of Emory’s character and Ama’s memory are spread out, is perfect. It held my attention just enough, and once it began to pick up speed towards the end I was absolutely ready for it. It’s not hard to predict what the big secret is. Odds are, if you’re on Tumblr as much as I am, you could tell by the time you finished the summary. However, Arnold leaves it right up to the last moment to reveal what impact that secret will have. Although it was the ending I was hoping for, I wasn’t sure it would be right up until it happened.

Meaning 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

There is some great commentary in Damsel on rape culture, psychological abuse, and the effects of misogyny. First of all, Harding is one of the most misogynistic kingdoms in the fictional world. The worst part is, most of it isn’t through actual physical threats to women. There is one scene where two men attempt to sexually assault Ama. However, her savior is Emory, her abuser. 

The big problem in Harding is the absolute dehumanization that woman face. Multiple times, women are referred to as vessels, having no worth beyond the children they carry and raise. It is so heavily ingrained into the damsels when they arrive that the queen mother believes it to be true. All of the girls that have lived in Harding, such as Tillie, agree with it as well. Women are expected to sit quietly and look pretty while the men around them make crude jokes and treat them like objects. This is why Emory can do what he does. He can almost rape Ama and literally lead her around on a leash because the entire society of which he is king is filled with enablers and bystanders. Ama knows throughout the entire book that the way Emory treats her is wrong. It goes against her very nature, but she submits to it. Why? Because everyone around her acts like it’s normal. Because it’s better than being held captive by a dragon. Because it’s better than being on the streets where much worse could happen to her. Because it’s just the way things are. 

Damsel has some pretty powerful statements on how rape culture can enable abuse and psychologically wear down women. It shows what horrible things a abuse victim can be subjected to. However, it also shows what happens when Tillie and the queen mother help Ama in the little ways they can. It shows that woman can stand up to their abusers and have a much brighter future; that they are not defined by what they have endured. And I think that’s why I loved this book so much.

Overall 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

I was wholly invested in the book. I absolutely loved it, and I will definitely be getting a personal copy for myself. Ama’s journey of self-discovery (literally) pulls the reader in, and Emory’s quiet transition is so subtle and powerful. The social commentary is amazing, and you will absolutely love Sorrow. Please do keep in mind that this book deals with some heavy topics such as rape and abuse, so do not read it if you have issues with that. I would recommend this book to people who enjoy fantasy, fractured fairytales, and people getting what they deserve.

The Author

Elana K. Arnold: American, also wrote A Boy Called Bat, What Girls Are Made Of, and Red Hood

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every two weeks, and I take recommendations. Check out my about me post for more!

Your whole Contest rant read almost like a parody. The Contests were the most popular goal for female companions in the anime, and the vast majority of fans of Contests were female fans. Likewise Misty had already gotten stale and dull in Johto, and Contests brought in better battles, storylines and character development. Saying they're all about being girly makes me think you have no idea what they're about, since most are abut battles and combinations. I doubt most will agree with you.

Oh, but Nonny, you don't believe in what you're saying since you won't put your name to it, so why should I listen?

It's a 'rant' because you disagree, not for actual content.

The nature of a rant is crazed disorder, but this comes in numbered sections clearly laid out.

More aptly, the first three words of that post were 'I hate Contests'.

If this view is such an anathema, why did you keep on reading?

Who's the fool here?

Whether anyone agrees with me or not is immaterial. Truth isn't a popularity contest.

It's still my opinion whatever anyone else thinks, no lesser or greater.

If you want to be liked, then lie.

I tried this method, keeping my feelings to myself, never daring to speak my mind, and where did it get me?

• Unfollowed

• Ghosted

• Insulted

• Blocked

• Shunned

Where is the incentive to hold back if that's the reward?

Might as well say what I want. I think I've a right to on my blog.

It is you who misunderstand. I complain Contests are vacuous and girly, and your defence is that they are for girls and most fans were girls.

Well, yeah. That's what I said. A show once having universal appeal downgraded itself to be toddler fantasy pap:

The anime began aimed at everyone, especially children and teenagers, but now, when its concern with fluff and sparkles takes precedent, it's a fantasy for toddler girls.

You tell me I'm wrong by concurring it's for girls, then you insist considering it to be girly means I know nothing about it.

Eh?

Girls got along fine watching Pokémon for years without being pandered to and infantilised by shallow spectacles like this.

Pokémon used to be for everyone, although because game-players were, and still are, mostly boys, what one saw of the fandom was largely their input.

• Letters to magazines were mainly from boys.

• If you knew of any fans at school, they were boys.

• Attendants to downloading Mew were nearly all boys.

The exception were fan sites, shipping and art, which were dominated by girls.

Then along came Contests, and that balance tipped, until we get to the point now that I doubt many viewers of the anime are male, because it no longer holds any appeal.

Why should they put up with a monotonous fashion parade when they watched it entirely for fierce showdowns?

We started with tough girls like Jessie and Misty, then along came the Contest blender, and we ended up with feeble vessels like Mallow and Lillie.

Ultra girliness is all very well on the periphery, or as part of an ensemble, but when it's the only stock feminine character available, it's boring to the point of paralysis.

Why should I be pleased a series with edge devolved into a mess of pink and cuddly cushions?

With whom were Contests the favourite female occupation? Fans?

What were the options?

• Tagged along because she was going that way (Misty/Iris).

• Contests/Showcases (May/Dawn/Serena).

• Lives nearby (Lillie/Mallow/Lana/Chloë).

I'm not really surprised at the result. I still don't see why this invalidates my take.

Amid your ravings, I am told that 'most are about battles and combinations'.

Most? Some aren't then?

What are these few about then? Vietnam?

By your own admission, a few are nothing but vacuous posturing.

Again, you agree with me. What's the complaint if I'm right?

What storylines? New Ribbon or no Ribbon?

And what character development? May and Dawn began wanting to be champion, and finished wanting to be champion.

Since that was the close of their story, any 'lessons' they learn are redundant as we'll never see them put into application.

Better battles? Better than what?

Have have you the nerve to lie that Contests are about combat?

The entire premise is showing off how pretty attacks are, not the strength.

Were it a display of power, as a normal fight is, people would be entering with teams of enormous hulking beasts, leaving the likes of Piplup bloody lost.

Some ugly Pokémon, like Gabite and Ambipom, are included, but because they've got some shiny move up their metaphorical sleeve.

Come on, man! The first round is decided on who's bustin' out the sparkles!

Every subsequent round may pose as battling, but you don't succeed by beating the opponent unconscious as usual.

You win if your 'energy bar' is highly than theirs, bought about by pulling off attention-seeking stunts.

Knocking 'em out is a blessing as it assures a win, but it's not the goal.

How is that battle in any legitimate sense when the very markers of victory and loss are removed?

Since beauty is subjective, the winner doesn't succeed because they are measurably superior to their opponent, or at least capable of thinking on their feet.

They win just on the whim of this set of judges liking their performance more. Another day, another panel, and it'd be different.

A real fight in a proper competition doesn't depend on arbitrary standards like that. You take 'em down here, you'd take 'em down in any stadium, any country. It is thus a quantifiable achievement.

In real life, we don't class a sash from a beauty pageant as of equal value to a black belt.

It's okay, but we know it was a matter of luck, whereas any sporting trophy comes from clearly out matching the rest, with hours of strain, sacrifice and suffering paving the path to that moment.

Contests involve no such effort. You pick what glitters and the rest is rehearsal. No need to enter a single fight to hone your skills.

Why isn't Ash eager to get in on the action then, if it's 'truly' such a test of combatants?

The answer is because it's nothing to do with his career as a Trainer. If it were, we wouldn't need the separate term of 'Co-Ordinator' to describe entrants.

Trainers train Pokémon, Gym Leaders lead Gyms, Co-Ordinators co-ordinate routines to be spectacular.

Why have different descriptions if it's exactly the same?

Martial arts, both in fantasy and reality, have a spiritual element. Those who dedicate their lives to it are regarded as having reached a higher level of being.

Battles share that quality. It's not about brute force, focus is place more on inner strength, in heart, courage, determination and loyalty.

A Pokémon which, on paper, is weaker than its foe, can still come out on top if it's prepared to go the distance and want it at all costs, compared to an apathetic opponent.

Simultaneously, the Trainers have their own battle of minds, picking up on style and mistakes, always ready to pounce.

Contests have no such deeper consequence. They are wholly fixated on what's flashy and external. Ice shards are no more glassy just because you really mean 'em.

Combinations are a couple of attacks put together to look nice. How is this refuting my assertion they are but ephemeral bits off fluff?

Why should I be interested in a career so hollow, and ultimately futile, since neither girl won, and now never existed?

Your also claim the ejection of Misty is warranted since she became 'stale and dull', as  if refuting my words.

If you'd bothered to read it properly rather than twisting yer knickers, you might notice I wrote exactly the same thing.

Perhaps it makes no difference. By Hoenn they'd rendered her a leaden blandness sucked dry of all that made her special.

I am not saying a Hoenn Misty would've been a more interesting companion. Her personality had to be erased before being allowed back at all.

I was mocking the excuse given for her exit, that she had no longterm goal, when there was no reason she couldn't participate in Contests.

A. If featuring them is intended as promotion, the audience is more likely to invest in the activity of a familiar face.

B. Just ruin her character if it's an obstacle, as they did everyone else.

C. Contests are a rip off of a competition Misty entered!

The truth still stands that had Misty stayed, we'd have no May, and in turn, no Max, and that's a bad thing?

In conclusion, you disagree with me by agreeing with me, so what exactly is the issue?

Since you fail to object elsewhere, I take it that the remainder is to your taste, and you also think Jessie was shafted, resembles a backwards country cliché and that May and Dawn should have won.

Not a bad dissection then.

mahpiohanzia | chapter two [Remus Lupin/Reader]

You are an Animagus-in-training nearing the end of your education. He is Generic Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher Replacement #7. Your final year at Hogwarts couldn’t possibly be any stranger than the previous six...but seven is one of the most powerful numbers in magic, after all.

[ AO3 Link ]

Author’s Notes: Co-written by Andrew. Follow the blog @ http://mahpiohanzia.tumblr.com

Notes: what do you guys think so far?? please let me know!

If you were asked to sum yourself up in a single word, that word would be ‘tired’.

The final couple years’ curriculum at Hogwarts was dedicated to preparing students for N.E.W.T.s at the end of their seventh year. Your workload for year six was overwhelming, and with graduation on the horizon, you had no reason to doubt year seven would be even worse.

Your stellar academic performance so far was wholly attributed to hard work and sheer force of will--doubly so, as you entered the tail-end of your education. Within the past year, to keep up with the quality of your coursework, you’d evolved into a hyper-focused, largely isolated monstrosity of a workaholic; you never considered yourself antisocial before, but there were only so many times you could turn down your roomates’ invitations to hang out before they stopped asking altogether.

Right now, you kept huddled against the window of your compartment, rain showering the glass as the constant rumble of the train rocked you to sleep. You were practically swaddled within your robes, having changed into your uniform early for the sole purpose of sleeping as much as you could on the way there.

Although you’d fallen asleep alone, by the time you reached Hogsmeade Station, you woke to the anxious chatter of fellow members from Slytherin house, who’d used your colours as territorial claim to the train compartment.

“Oh!” squeaked a small second-year girl sitting across from you. “They’re awake!”

A young man with broad shoulders and fantastic hair looked over at you, concerned. “Did you actually sleep through that whole thing? You weren’t just faking?”

“Didn’t get much sleep last night,” you lied, annoyed at having to explain yourself. You rubbed at your eyes beneath your glasses. “Why?”

When the rest of the compartment exchanged wary glances, you realized at once that something was very wrong.

-

“It is not in the nature of a dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you.”

The enchanted ceiling showed a dark, muddied sky still recovering from the evening storm, as if the weather mirrored the dim atmosphere of the Great Hall. Beneath the light of a thousand flickering candles, the entire school sat in rapt attention during Dumbledore’s announcements, with many of the younger years breaking into nervous discussion at the mention of dementors. In light of recent events, you were told, security at Hogwarts had been escalated, with the infamous wraiths of Azkaban now guarding every entrance to the grounds.

When your housemates filled you in on the dementor-related mishap on the train, you were suddenly very glad to be a heavy sleeper.

Shifting gears, Dumbledore went on to introduce the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor: a rather plain, shabby-looking gentleman who looked as if he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in years. Even more surprising, however, was the retirement of Professor Kettleburn, and the appointment of Hagrid to the position of Care of Magical Creatures.

Not everyone had taken Professor Kettleburn’s class, but everyone knew Hagrid.

After the last of the dessert disappeared and bedtime was finally called, you used the ensuing crowd as cover to approach the end of the staff table where Hagrid sat.

You caught his eye, and offered a handshake. “Congratulations, Professor Hagrid.”

“Don’t think I’ll ever get used ter that!” the large man bellowed, going red in the cheeks as his hands practically swallowed yours. “Appreciate it, though--really lookin’ forward ter it. Got some great lessons planned. Will I be seein’ yeh there, erm...sorry, didn’ catch yer name?”

You reintroduced yourself. “And no, unfortunately--I never got the O.W.L.”

“Ah, well...” He hesitated for a moment, glancing at the green and silver of your robes, before shaking his shaggy head and waving a hand dismissively. “Nonsense--yeh ever wan’ ter sit in on a lesson, yeh jus’ let me know. I’d be glad ter have yeh.”

“Planning extra lessons before receiving your timetable?” came the stern voice of a familiar witch. “Quite optimistic for a seventh-year.”

Hagrid straightened up like he was the one in trouble.

An older woman stepped out from behind him, wearing dark green robes and a strict expression, her grey hair pulled into a tight bun beneath her pointed hat. Although never an unfair teacher, she exuded a presence that always made you feel like she’d caught you in the act of doing something unsavoury--this would make you nervous, which would make her suspicious, which would toss you into an endless feedback loop of looking highly suspect over absolutely nothing.

“Professor McGonagall,” you greeted with false cheer. “Have a good summer?”

“Yes, thank you.” Her intense gaze did not falter. “Did you receive my note before the start of term?”

“I did, ma’am, yes. Your office, Friday evening.”

“Good. Now, enough dawdling--please make your way to the dormitories with the rest of your house.”

You obliged, taking the excuse to break eye contact with her as you retreated from the staff table.

You glanced a goodbye at Hagrid, who mouthed ‘Let me know’ and gave you a thumbs up as you left.

-

[ Image Full View ]

Save for some minor changes, your timetable was the same as that of your previous year. The large amount of free periods once gave you the misconception of free time, back when you were naïve to the ways of the world, but after the near-daily ten-hour study sessions of your sixth year, you knew better than to fall for that illusion again.

Keeping time would be important this year, so you’d bought a watch over the summer--simple and black, with silver embellishments. The watch itself was charmed to zap you with a small electric shock at set times throughout the day. You enchanted it with your school schedule.

It wasn’t unusual for the first few weeks of term to be punctuated with various mishaps that spread around the school like wildfire. Draco Malfoy, the pompous third-year son of a powerful political figure, managed to get himself injured the first day of classes, and rumour had it he was milking it for all it was worth.

You never subscribed to pure-blood elitism or discrimination, nor did the majority of your house--more than half of the entire Hogwarts student body was half-blood or Muggleborn, after all, Slytherin population included. Yet, it was people like Malfoy who reminded you that the loudest, most obnoxious members of any group were the ones responsible for its reputation, and whenever you caught the pathetic thirteen-year-old boy strutting through the halls, retelling the increasingly outlandish tale of how he almost lost his arm to a rabid Hippogriff, you couldn’t help but feel deep embarrassment for your house.

There was little time to dwell, however.

Seventh-year N.E.W.T. courses featured advanced-level magic with smaller, mixed-house classes, meaning much stronger individual attention and higher workloads. Two days into term and the assigned readings were already threatening to consume your entire weekend, and the only reason you wanted Friday to be over was to get a headstart on Monday’s assignments.

Your last class of the week was your first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson, and somehow, Professor Lupin looked even worse than he did at the start-of-term feast.

Now that you were only a few feet away from him, you learned he was a taller man, his tousled brown hair salted with touches of grey far beyond his years. He wore clothes a half-size too large for his frame; the fabric of his cardigan was pilling at the edges, and his robes had clearly been darned in several places. It was a good thing none of the classroom windows were open, you thought to yourself, as a stiff breeze would’ve been sure to knock him over.

“Good afternoon, class,” he began, his voice much stronger than his posture. “My name is R.J. Lupin, and I have the honour of being your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this term. You may call me ‘Professor.’ I assure you I have been called worse things.”

The class gave a small laugh.

“Now, in an attempt to establish myself as your favourite teacher right at the start of term, I will be administering a test for our very first class.” There was a collective sigh, but Lupin was already raising a hand to placate the room. “Not to worry, not to worry--this won’t be graded. It’s just a little something to gauge the level of your study progress. I’ve come to understand that your sixth-year N.E.W.T. lessons were rather...inconsistent.”

“That’s because Lockhart was a quack,” shouted a voice from the back row. Sounds of agreement and jeering filled the classroom.

“All the more reason for this test,” he said. “Your N.E.W.T.s are at the end of this year, and if I am to prepare you for them, I must learn exactly what you don’t know.” He took his wand from his inner pocket and gave it a wave. From a large stack on his desk, folded sheets of parchment distributed themselves around the class. “Again, this is not being marked--answer what you can, leave blank what you cannot. You have thirty minutes. Begin.”

You unfolded the parchment in front of you, dipped your quill into your inkwell, and set to work.

The exam began with simple questions that could be answered in a few words or less, about dark magical creatures, general defensive spell knowledge, and various incantations. As you progressed through the parchment, however, the questions grew more complicated; there were sections in which to illustrate differences between mirrored and non-mirrored wand movements, the most efficient methods of spell-chaining, and questions regarding counterspell theories you only vaguely remembered reading about. As instructed, you began skipping questions you didn’t know the answer to, until you reached the end and realized in a heart-sinking panic that nearly half of your test was blank.

All too quickly, Lupin called time, and with another wave of his wand, gathered the papers back to his desk. As your half-empty parchment slid away, you immediately glanced around the room to gauge overall impressions of the exam; thankfully, at least you weren’t the only one looking bewildered.

“Good, good--thank you, this will be very helpful.” Lupin arranged the completed exams back into a neat pile on his desk. “As I’ll need some time to get up to speed, I will not be assigning any homework this weekend--however, I would like to finish today’s class with a bit of a practical test. Everyone, put away your things and pair up, please, facing one another.”

As everyone packed up and got to their feet, Lupin moved the rows of desks up against the walls, clearing enough room on the floor for two lines of students. By process of elimination, you ended up pairing against a familiar, burly seventh-year with short hair and a strong jawline--the infamously tenacious Quidditch Captain of the Gryffindor team, Oliver Wood.

Wood pursed his lips and gave you a polite smile. You returned it.

“Now, get out your wands,” said Lupin. “I’d like to measure your proficiency with nonverbal spellwork. Should be very straightforward.”

You pulled out your wand from your inner robe pocket: a jet-black length of carved wood, the edges where your fingers rested worn to a dark grey. Nonverbal spells were a well-practiced skill learned at the beginning of your previous year--even if Lockhart didn’t teach them, every spell learned across classes during your sixth year was expected to be performed without speaking.

“Those on my right,” Lupin called out, raising a hand to indicate the row, “will cast a Stunning Spell on their opponent without speaking, on my mark. Those on my left will cast a Shield Charm in return, also without speaking. For those casting Shield Charms, please dissipate the Stun instead of deflecting it--I’d appreciate keeping my classroom intact, if possible.”

The students in your row would be performing first.

You made eye contact with Wood and nodded, making sure he was ready. He nodded back.

“Wands at the ready, very good. Three, two, one.”

With a sharp flick of your wrist, you cast a Stunning Spell in Wood’s direction. A burst of red light shot from the end of your wand. Wood shielded himself against it easily, dissipating your spell into a small wisp of red smoke. All your neighbors shared identical results.

“Excellent,” said Lupin. “Let’s switch, now, wands at the ready. Three, two, one.”

Mirroring the rest of the students in his row, Wood raised his wand at you, and cast the spell.

It wasn’t until the jet of red light sped towards you when you realized you’d forgotten the Shield Charm incantation completely.

Muscle memory alone drew your wand in front of you with the correct motion, but without the proper incantation to go with it, the Stun ricocheted off the end of your wand--and straight into your own face.

You were on your back in an instant, halfway across the classroom floor.

Gasps of shocked laughter accompanied the loud, painful ringing in your ears. Somewhere in the distance, you could hear Wood apologizing like mad.

The ceiling of the classroom spun and blurred into your vision. Your eyes were stinging, and you were trying to will them not to water up, if only to save what little dignity you had left--you weren’t actually crying, you were experiencing that awful, biting, welling reflex of getting hit hard in the face, but you knew there was no difference to the outside eye.

You tasted copper in the back of your throat long before you realized your nose was bleeding.

Suddenly, there were a pair of hands on you--someone was guiding you to your feet, hooking one of your arms around their shoulders to help you walk.

“Class dismissed,” Lupin said abruptly, leading you from the room.

-

The first week of term was typically the busiest for Madam Pomfrey, and today was no exception. By the sound of it, she had her hands full tending to several first-years who, on a dare from a rival house, ignored instructions during Herbology and were now paying a painful, swollen price for it.

You sat in silence in the Hospital Wing lobby, one hand still wrapped tightly around your wand, the other holding your sleeve against your nose to stifle the bleeding. Your face was burning--partly from the pain, partly from the sheer embarrassment of having a teacher waiting there with you in the neighboring seat.

More than anything, you wished Lupin would’ve just left you there to stew in peace, but the man seemed dead-set on doing the exact opposite. He’d helped you to the Hospital Wing, after all--there was no polite way of asking him to leave.

There was also no polite way of holding back the frustration bubbling inside you, either, so after several minutes of idle silence, you stopped trying.

“Protego ,” you snarled. The injury dulled your syllables, like you had a stuffy nose. “The incantation is Protego . That’s fourth-year stuff, for Merlin’s sake--how am I supposed to pass my N.E.W.T.s if I can’t remember Protego ?”

“You’ve nothing to be ashamed of,” he said, softly. “It’s my fault for doing a practical test without having a proper understanding of everyone’s abilities.”

“I know the spell,” you snapped. “I just--”

“--haven’t used it in a long time, I understand. But this could’ve been avoided if I simply had everyone recite the spells before we began casting them.”

“No, this could’ve been avoided if I just remembered the bloody spell. I was the only one in the class who forgot it, this is on me.”

“An oversight on both our parts, then.”

His tone sounded final, and you bit back the urge to argue. You weren’t sure why he was being so understanding about this whole thing, but you knew you’d be a fool to challenge it.

With one part of your robe sleeve thoroughly soaked with blood, you made a disgusted noise as you folded over a dry part of the fabric and pressed your leaking nose to it. “S’pose I won’t be gracing the cover of the Daily Prophet any time soon.”

Lupin leaned over in his chair and looked at you, reacquainting himself with your injury. “It’s not that bad,” he assured. “When I was your age, I fumbled a fairly standard Conjuring Spell during class. I learned two things that day: that enunciation is vital , even if it’s just in your head--and that birds like to go for the eyes.”

You gave a snort of laughter, then an immediate curse of pain as it reminded you that your nose was broken.

“Sorry,” he said, sounding more amused than sincere.

You shrugged it off. “Did that really happen?”

“Feel free to ask Professor McGonagall yourself. Definitely wasn’t one of my proudest exams.”

“Yeah, well.” You dangled the wand in your other hand in a hopeless sort of motion. “This isn’t one of my proudest days, either.”

“That’s quite the antique you have there,” he said, motioning towards your wand. “Ebony?”

“Oh. Yeah.” You looked it over. Did he just call your wand old ? “My grandfather left it to me. Phoenix feather cores are rather rare--I guess he reckoned I could squeeze another lifetime out of it.”

“How’s that working out for you?”

You shrugged, sliding the wand back into your inner robe pocket. “It’s alright, I guess. A little temperamental. It, uh.” You clicked your tongue and motioned to your face. “Doesn’t like unclear instructions.”

He leaned in for a whisper. “In its defence, I doubt many of us do.”

Remembering not to laugh, you instead smiled into your sleeve.

Without warning, Madam Pomfrey swept into the lobby, her stark-white robes billowing behind her as she towered over your seated form. She moved your arm from your nose, holding your chin and tilting your face from side to side as if she were examining a particularly interesting fruit. “And what have we here?”

“A rebounded Stunning Spell,” said Lupin.

“Broken nose and a black eye, easy fix.” She turned heel and made her way back into the main ward. “Don’t move.”

Now that you were being looked after, Lupin got to his feet and prepared to leave before Madam Pomfrey managed to shoo him away, grabbing his robe from the back of his chair and folding it over his forearm. Your conversation had made you feel so at ease that you’d forgotten to be embarrassed he was still there.

“Oh, that’s right.” He reached into the pocket of his cardigan and pulled out your pair of broken glasses.

(No wonder everything was still blurry.)

Lupin tapped on your glasses with his wand, repairing them at once. Before you could say anything, he’d leaned over and slid them carefully back onto your face, minding your injury; his fingers brushed against your cheeks as your vision became clear, and his face was just close enough for you to learn his eyes were green.

“There we are,” he smiled. “Just like new.”

You mumbled a small ‘thanks’ as he straightened back up to full height.

“Right, then. See you Monday.”

You stared after him while he left, at least until the sudden, unexpected pain of Madam Pomfrey’s spell snapped both you and your nose back to reality.

-

The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 7 was propped open in front of you during dinner that evening.

Though you were only two days into term, N.E.W.T. preparations were fully underway, starting with condensed reviews of nearly every spell, potion, and number chart you encountered throughout your first six years. Though Lupin hadn’t assigned any homework, you wanted to get a head start on reviewing your old Defence Against the Dark Arts notes to prevent any repeat incidents involving embarrassingly basic spells. You also had a one-on-one meeting with McGonagall later that evening.

In spite of having more than dinner on your plate that night, your attention constantly drifted towards the only empty seat at the staff table.

Lupin wasn’t there.

Somewhere between the fifth and tenth glances at the staff table, your book slipped out of your hand, and page 24 received a healthy serving of gravy.

You decided you were being ridiculous.

You would pay his office a visit and dispel the day’s awkwardness before your next lesson, if only to prevent making a complete ass of yourself two Defence Against the Dark Arts classes in a row.

After dinner, you made your way up to the second-floor corridor, mentally rehearsing bullet points of conversation on the way. You were going to apologize for causing a scene in his class earlier that afternoon. You would thank him for his help getting you to the Hospital Wing. You would promise to do better in his class. That was all. Simple and clearcut.

Yes, just to clear the air.

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on his office door.

There was no answer.

“Professor?” you called. Maybe he’d already retired to his living quarters for the night--he certainly didn’t look well earlier in class.

However, as you knocked again, you noticed the doors to his office were locked--not just fastened shut, but magically sealed .

Behind you, a sharp voice spat out your last name.

The call gave you a start.

Be it due to your gross lack of awareness or his unspoken mastery of stealth, Snape had managed to make it all the way down the second-floor hallway without you noticing his approach.

Snape looked down his nose at you, his gaze cold and unblinking. “What are you doing here?”

Your first instinct was to lie, but your second instinct thought better of it. “I...caused a disruption in Professor Lupin’s class earlier today.”

“So I heard.”

You swallowed. Of course he would’ve heard. “Yeah, so...I came to apologize.”

“The most sincere apology,” he started, raising a brow, “would be to simply improve your behaviour in class going forward, would it not?”

“I just wanted to make sure we were on good terms.”

Wrong answer.

“Five points from Slytherin.” The corner of Snape’s nose curled, as if he suddenly smelled something foul. “We do not grovel for forgiveness in this house. You would do well to remember that.”

You bit your tongue. “Yes, sir.”

“Now, unless I’m mistaken, you have a meeting to attend.” He stepped aside without looking at you, making a path for you to pass by. “If you are late, I will know.”

As if on cue, your watch gave you a small bzzt on the wrist, marking your fifteen-minute warning.

You mumbled a final, “Yes, sir,” before passing him on your way back down the corridor.

-

Out of everything you would have to face this year, you thought you were looking forward the completion of your Animagus training.

Like everyone else, you first learned about Animagi in Transfiguration class during your third year. When asked about the process to become one, however, McGonagall was quick to inform you that it was an extremely rare skill not to be studied lightly; being an Animagus trained under Dumbledore himself, McGonagall wouldn’t consider taking in any candidate who proved themselves anything short of outstanding in her field.

This meant achieving top grades in both Transfiguration class and the mounds of prerequisite extracurricular homework she assigned you--term after term, year after year--just to convince her you were worthy of her time.

This meant keeping your head down and not giving Snape, as your head of house, any excuse to deny you permission to pursue the additional line of study.

This meant getting an Outstanding in both your Transfiguration and Potions O.W.L.s to qualify for private lessons with McGonagall throughout your sixth year.

Becoming an Animagus was, above all else, an extremely bizarre goal--a complex, demanding, high-risk process to endure for the acquisition of an esoteric skill with little to no practical use. One’s efforts were much better spent in something more valuable, practical, and marketable--but that was why you wanted to do it.

The journey was for you and you alone, just to prove you could make it.

At least, that’s what you thought.

McGonagall sat silent behind her desk, leaning forward as she kept her hands folded in front of her. She stared at you over the rim of her glasses, studying your pale expression, while your eyes remained fixated on the small crystal phial sitting on the desk between the two of you.

“Are you going to be sick?” she asked.

“I don’t know yet,” you croaked.

“I urge you to do it away from my desk, if you don’t mind.”

You gave a nervous laugh, though your eyes didn’t move from the phial.

“We can revisit this next month if you’re having doubts,” she suggested, a bristle of impatience in her voice.

“No doubts,” you replied. “Just nerves.”

“Tell me what’s on your mind.” Her intensity eased, just a little. “That’s why I’m here.”

“I’ve been studying for this for almost four years,” you said. “It always seemed so far away. ‘I can’t be an Animagus unless I get good marks on this assignment.’ ‘I can’t be an Animagus unless I get perfect O.W.L.s.’ ‘I can’t be an Animagus until I qualify for registration in year seven.’ But now .” You breathed another small laugh. “Now I’ve got the Mandrake leaf sitting right in front of me and I’m terrified .”

“As you should be.”

You tore your eyes from the phial and looked up at her, surprised.

“The successful completion of the final Animagus ritual is one of the most daunting feats in the field of Transfiguration,” she said, quite severely. “The slightest misstep will have disastrous results--permanent disfiguration at best, and at worst ...well. Let’s just say St. Mungo’s has a long-term residents ward for a reason. You’d be a fool not to be terrified.”

“Professor--”

“That being said,” she continued, raising a finger to quiet you. “The reason this process is so involved is because it is meant to teach you the virtues of knowledge and patience . You may not find day-to-day use in becoming an Animagus, but having studied the skill successfully these past few years has given you a framework of discipline that you will carry with you for the rest of your life. Now,” she motioned to the phial, “tell me why I called you here today.”

“...it’s a full moon, Professor. I have to put the leaf in my mouth tonight, and keep it there until the beginning of the next cycle.”

“Which is?”

“October 6th.”

“What will you do then?”

“Meet with Professor Snape that evening to create the Animagus potion under the light of the full moon.”

“And if the full moon isn’t completely visible on the night of October 6th?”

“Discard the leaf, come to you, and start over again.”

“And if Professor Snape is unavailable to help you the night of October 6th?”

“Discard the leaf, come to you, and start over again.”

“And if the leaf is swallowed or otherwise removed from your mouth at any time between now and the night of October 6th?”

“Discard the leaf, come to you, and start over again.”

“Good.” With a graceful nonchalance, McGonagall picked up the crystal phial containing the Mandrake leaf, and placed it into the palm of your hand. “You’re ready.”

Your heart already feeling lighter, you beamed.

“Thank you, Professor.”

So one reason I’ve been wanting to hang out with this friend I mentioned in my last couple posts is that I just really admire him. He’s one of the most hardworking people I know, and it floors me. He teaches music at two different places plus does private lessons, and still has so much passion left over for what he does that he can’t resist making more music in his free time. 

He’s so dedicated to what he loves and, as weird as it is to say this about someone I don’t know super well, it really inspires me. I kind of want to be more like him, because he makes me think of what I feel I’d be like if I was more like the person I want to be. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about why I’m so impressed-to-the-point-of-intimidated by this person, and as I do, I think more about things in myself I want to change. I think about ways I want to dedicate myself more to what I love, and then about what’s really holding me back from doing it.

There are SO MANY THINGS I keep saying I need to do. There’s the obvious goals--read more, write more, stay on top of blogging. There’s the bigger goals that keep getting shelved--sending poems out for publication, or putting together a chapbook. There’s even the pipe dream, to eventually get myself an MFA in poetry.

I want to actually start actively look freelance writing work. I want to dedicate my time and energy to literature. I want to learn more about my craft because it MATTERS to me. I want to study it in my free time. I want to be as wholly dedicated to it as I used to be.

So what’s keeping me from doing that?

Part of it is simply that I don’t have the energy, but if this matters to me, I should FIND the energy. Right?

Same with time. Liv doesn’t leave me a ton of free time--I can’t exactly lock myself in a room with peace and quiet while I have a toddler running around determined to wreak havoc. But why not spend an hour or so each night writing after she goes to bed? Would that be so hard?

Part of it is that I have a hard time dedicating my time to anything that isn’t “required,” but I have so much dread and so little energy for what’s “required” that that never gets done, so I spend an embarrassing amount of time doing...well, nothing at all. 

I know that if my house was clean and my bills were paid, I would be more able to dedicate my time to writing. But it isn’t, and the list of things needing to be done around the house is piling up faster than I can keep up with, plus with our financial state being what it is, when I do have a rare moment of free time I always feel I should be spending it doing something that makes me money.

I’ve got to come up with some kind of schedule. Maybe work something out with my husband where we can figure out certain days and times that one of us can be on toddler duty while the other cleans, and then have a set time of night where, no matter what else needs to be done, I read or write. 

Part of what’s fucking me up too is, I’m turning 30 in less than three weeks. With that, lately I find myself jealous of the people around me. They’re all moving forward with something they love, which often also means creating something, being part of something. I want that so badly. I feel like I’m stagnating. I have this family I love, but it’s the only thing that seems to be going anywhere for me, and I don’t want my whole identity to be wrapped up in motherhood. 

I feel like everyone around me took advantage of their 20s, and then entered their early 30s already on a course somewhere. I wasted time when I could have been taking the big risks that would have set me up for something, and now I’m in a position where those big risks aren’t possible. But I can still be doing things to set a course for myself. It’s not too late to give my life that trajectory it’s missing.

Right?

Forgotten Stories is an Amazing Skyrim Mod, and You Should Play It

May 26, 2020 1:00 PM EST

Sometimes, you find a mod that defies expectations and becomes a worthy game in its own right. Enderal: Forgotten Stories is one such mod.

Enderal: Forgotten Stories is a total conversion mod for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Developed by a dedicated team of German modders by the name of SureAI, the first version of Enderal was released back in 2016. The updated Forgotten Stories expansion from 2019 saw a number of additions to quests and content, as well as a standalone release on Steam. It’s the definitive and complete version of the tale, and is worth playing again if you’ve only dabbled in the original previously.

This mod completely replaces the landmass and setting of Skyrim with an original one, and overhauls most of the gameplay systems as well. Skyrim’s general DNA is still inevitably present in movement and systems, but the way it works is wholly redone. It is less the freeform “do whatever you want” simulator that Skyrim quickly becomes; Enderal is instead a focused, story-driven RPG with a splash of open-world content that better utilizes the space. There’s less reliance on scaling enemies, and more on not reaching into areas beyond your means, as the story will nudge you there when you’re ready.

That story, world, the characters contained within, and the full span of Enderal’s adventure? Those are so fantastically realized that it feels disingenuous to call Enderal a mere mod. It easily transcends the boundaries of Skyrim, overcoming many of the gameplay issues and lacking elements of its source material. Having finished it recently, I now find myself thinking of Enderal not as just a Skyrim mod, nor even its own standalone game and RPG.

I now think of Enderal: Forgotten Stories as one of the best video games I’ve ever played.

Since Enderal hasn’t left my mind for long since completing it, I feel that it’s important to I write this down and share it. I want to talk a bit about Enderal’s design and gameplay systems. I’ll cover a little about the story and characters (in non-spoiler terms), as well as how emotionally devastating its ending is. And finally, I’ll briefly touch on the many ways it shines a light on all of Skyrim’s greatest weaknesses. I’ve come to develop a more negative view of Bethesda’s most recent mainline Elder Scrolls foray, and Enderal has helped me put all of that into words.

In the interim, I urge you to go and check out Enderal: Forgotten Stories at your earliest convenience if any of this has sounded slightly appealing to you. It’s comprehensive enough to have its own standalone Steam page and installer, with many Skyrim mods that are considered “mandatory” baked into it already. In fact, it’s comprehensive enough to have its own mods also! Go there now, pick it up, and see for yourself. This is something special, and the SureAI team deserves the attention and spotlight.

Skyrim: New Vegas

Enderal takes absolutely no time in laying its cards on the table for you. The opening scene is a gorgeous, sun-baked vista of a lush garden near sunset. It’s idyllic, pushing the graphics of both the base game and the included ENBoost and graphical mods to the max. It’s also very clearly wrong, with something uncanny about the whole scene lurking just below the surface. A quick glance around the place will see that uncertainty grow, with the culmination of that scene making it crystal clear. I won’t spoil specifics; once again, I urge you to check it out, and the introduction alone should demonstrate that you’re in for a ride.

More cutscenes and important setup will follow, including character creation. The first area or two play out like a tutorial, helpful both for newcomers and those familiar with the workings of Skyrim. All throughout, the placing of story elements and themes has begun, and seeing that all eventually culminate more than makes up for its “slow” start. More importantly, you’ll get through the first scripted dungeon and be greeted by a sun-swept vista not unlike the one from the intro. This game is utterly gorgeous. The continent of Enderal beckons forth.

Mechanically, the game might be a little bit off-putting for Skyrim veterans. That’s not to say it isn’t good; Enderal simply does away with the learn-by-doing skill system for something more focused. Killing creatures and completing quests give experience, and experience thresholds grant you a level-up. You’ll choose health, magicka, or stamina and get a selection of points with which to invest into specific skills. You can’t just plug these points straight into your skills, though.

“It feels disingenuous to call Enderal a mere mod.”

Memory points are your big talent/perk purchases, which are applied through a much fancier in-game version of the Skyrim perks. It’s not just opening a menu and clicking a constellation: here, you meditate to reach a bizarre shrine in your mind, where physical stones reflecting the perk trees are represented to interact with. In addition to the passive powers here, you’ll unlock talents which function like dragon Shouts. These have individual cooldowns rather than global ones though, so mixing and matching them in combat is far more useful than Skyrim‘s counterparts.

For general skill levels, you need to acquire and study a learning book of the appropriate skill and quality. Doing so increases that skill by 1. Want to get One-Handed from 15 to 16? You’ll have to scavenge or buy a One-Handed learning book of the apprentice difficulty. To get beyond 25, you’ll need an adept book, and so on. Skills have been split between learning and crafting, with the latter being less directly tied into combat trees (Alchemy, Enchanting, Lockpicking and such).

This means that you cannot master everything in a single playthrough like you might in Skyrim. Builds become important, and swapping to a new combat style on a whim requires some investment. This would probably not go down well in Skyrim; open exploration carries that game, and diversity in one’s playstyle can alleviate a sense of repetition after long sessions. Enderal wants you to think about your build and develop a roleplay attachment to your avatar, instead. As you’ll see from the heavier story focus, that becomes increasingly clear as you play.

Experience also becomes a premium resource. Enderal isn’t as large as Skyrim, but it’s far more curated. Leveled lists and scaling rewards are barely a factor here, and bandits won’t suddenly find late-game armor. Completing side quests and exploring where you can now helps you progress your build. Given that the game can be pretty difficult in the early hours, that’s a good mindset to embrace. Exploring is a good idea, right up until you cross a boundary you probably shouldn’t have and get completely murdered.

“Enderal feels to Skyrim as Fallout: New Vegas did to Fallout 3.”

There’s further incentives for exploring carefully as well, with rare pickups that can grant bonus experience or even permanently increase your carry capacity. Set items now exist and are quite powerful when combined, and rare crafting schematics or learning books are scattered across the land. The fact that everything feels hand-designed instead of just generated en masse helps the world seem more real. Thus, when the plight of the story starts to ramp up and affect the continent I’d grown attached to, I felt it all the more from seeing it myself.

Still, even with all the benefits for exploring, Enderal is a comparatively more linear game than its source. Modern Elder Scrolls games are happy to let you wander off the beaten path for a hundred hours and ignore the main story entirely. That’s not at all encouraged for Enderal; in fact, unlike Skyrim, you are seriously missing out if you don’t engage with the main quest. Major biomes of Enderal’s landmass are gated off by the challenge they represent. You can go there and try to survive, but generally the main story will introduce you to it once you’ve progressed far enough to be ready.

In this way, Enderal feels to Skyrim as Fallout: New Vegas did to Fallout 3. Obsidian’s Fallout foray was more linear and focused than its predecessor’s open-world jaunt around post-apocalyptic Washington, D.C.; wandering too far would get you torn apart by Deathclaws. This lack of freedom was exchanged for much sharper writing, a better plot, and more narrative options and choice. Enderal feels as if it’s done much the same to Skyrim, and given how fantastic the story and characters are, it’s a trade I’d make a million times over.

The Adventures of Jespar (featuring the Player Character)

Leaving the tutorial dungeon brings you to a secluded valley within Enderal proper. There’s a few treasures and hidden secrets to be found there, but eventually you will have to follow the path that leads beyond. That one path will see you encounter a couple of apothecary NPCs, who explain a little more about the world you’re in.

Attempting to leave will see you overcome with Arcane Fever; this is both a story point, and one of Enderal’s new gameplay mechanics. It functions similarly to Fallout’s radiation, increasing when exposed to magically dense areas. Most importantly, Arcane Fever is exacerbated by using magical healing and potions. No longer can you just open your inventory and chug twenty potions to heal up, as this’ll quickly raise your Fever. Get too high and you’ll start having negative side effects, and at 100% you die outright. Food items don’t heal much in combat either, but out of combat? You’ll get a satiated buff that will regenerate your health over time, so you still want to stay fed. It’s a clever little way of balancing Enderal’s combat and making it less absurd than Skyrim.

Nonetheless, you find out about this system shortly after the apothecary conversation ends. It’s here that you’ll meet Jespar Dal’Varek, one of the major NPCs of the game. He leads you into the main story quest for Enderal, but he’ll also take the time to chat you with if you want to ask questions. By the end of that first segment of the game, I was ready to follow him anywhere. Jespar is one of the more well-written and constructed NPC companions I’ve had the pleasure of encountering in video games. He’s a very easy-going sort and it’s clear why they introduce you to him first, but the cynical and anti-idealist side of him comes to the fore if you start asking.

In fact, there will be side quests and conversations entirely focused on getting to know some of the side characters better. These were usually highlights in my playthrough, which should give you an indication of the quality of these characters. In Jespar’s case, this is further strengthened by such fantastic voice acting that you’d almost forget this was a free mod. In fact, his voice actor Ben Britton has springboarded into the industry off his work here. Small wonder that Jespar is the focus character in the writer’s spin-off novel (the audiobook is also voiced by Ben).

“By the end of that first segment of the game, I was ready to follow Jespar anywhere.”

Jespar might be the first and most prominent, but he is far from the only character worth remembering in Enderal. Throughout the main quest lines, you’ll be introduced to a slew of primary characters, many of which have just as much depth as him. The interactions of these characters both with you and each other really sell the narrative being told, and it was very easy to grow attached to them (or to loathe them, as the situation demands).

I cannot stress how strong the writing for Enderal truly is. It’s not just the characters either; the entire game world is incredibly well designed and presented. The continent is built on a religious caste-based society with heavy stratification, and you’ll have the opportunity to investigate and interact with each level of it. You’ll argue the pros and cons of religiosity, discuss the nature of life, death and reality, or dive into a magic system which literally plucks aspects from alternate timelines in order to function. Whether through its world-building, characters, or overall narrative, I found myself hopelessly drawn in by Enderal and wanted more.

All throughout, the main quest runs through the bulk of the continent and takes you to appropriately leveled zones when the time comes. Each arc of the quest finds new ways to introduce spectacle, to develop the characters, and to ramp up the stakes and scope of the plot. There’s sections that are presented with better tension and horror than most horror games can manage. New difficulties will arise, characters will be hurt or even killed, and victories will be tempered with losses. Before I knew it, I’d been playing for over a hundred hours and had fully cleared the map; that’s something I’d never care to bother with in Skyrim.

Very quickly, you’ll realize just how big the implications of the story are, and this will continue without letting up until the conclusion of the game. And that conclusion is something else. There’s a sense of uncertainty and tension throughout the entire story, and neither the characters nor the player are ever quite sure that what they’re doing is the correct answer. Like everything else, this will build up to a finale that was so brilliantly handled and emotionally charged that I was reeling for days afterwards.

Finding the right words to describe it all without delving into spoilers is a difficult task. Much as I’d love to do so and start gushing in fantastic detail, that’s not the point of this editorial. Besides, it’s really something that I would rather people experience firsthand. Suffice it to say that Enderal’s writing and story is excellent, with quality that holds true until the very end. I expect that I’ll be thinking of some of the climactic moments for a long time to come. It really is that fantastic a tale.

“This will build up to a finale that was so brilliantly handled and emotionally charged that I was reeling for days afterwards.”

I have to take a moment to credit the sound, also. Enderal: Forgotten Stories might be a free mod, but it has an excellent and fully original soundtrack composed by Marvin Kopp. It’s so strong that I’ve been using it as background music while writing this piece, and will probably do so for future writing sessions. It also is fully voice acted, with absolutely fantastic voice direction. Not every actor is as professional as another, and there’s a couple of outliers that really hurt to listen to in the cities and side quests. But the primary cast deliver some fantastic performances, and most seem to have at least one scene that catapulted them from good to exceptional. All of the sound really helps carry the narrative that much further into greatness.

It’s not without flaw, of course. The pacing is generally good, but there is one quest near the end of the game that comes across as quite rushed. An important detail for the plot is revealed, and then immediately an NPC blurts ahead three steps in rapid succession. It was such a sudden guess about what was happening that it felt like random speculation, yet it was completely accurate. I suspect this was to get things in position for the finale without compromising that sequence, so it’s forgivable. Even so, the good far outweighs what little bad I could muster. Enderal is a story worth experiencing, and I’m genuinely glad I did so.

The Post-Enderal Lens on Elder Scrolls

It’s probably quite obvious at this point, so let’s address the elephant in the room: I don’t particularly like Skyrim.

That statement is usually enough to tank a game writer’s credibility given its reputation and scores, but hear me out. It wasn’t a case where I hated the game on purpose and refused to touch it from there. Skyrim took up a good hundred hours of my time, and even more once mods (besides Enderal) entered the scene. I completed the main quest and all the major faction quests, played through the DLC, and tried numerous different builds. There was a fun enough experience to be had, but I won’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy my time with it.

The problems that I have with Skyrim emerged only after time and reflection. My first Elder Scrolls game was Morrowind, and it is still possibly my absolute favorite game ever. Skyrim was unlikely to live up to that completely, but it still falls short in almost every metric. I replayed Morrowind in full a few months ago, and I only came away from that slow, ancient game loving it even more than previously. Nostalgia is not what pushes that game ahead of its follow ups in my eyes: it’s the richly detailed and exotic world, the flexible design, and the many guilds and factions to dive into that make Morrowind so strong. We will probably never get another game quite like it.

When I think back to Skyrim, I don’t think of any of that. I think of going off on random adventures and losing myself in the wilderness for a few hours. I’ll accumulate gear, get stronger, tick off increasingly more quest markers from my list, and just continue going through the motions. Bethesda’s approach nowadays seems less about making high quality content, and instead making more content. Whenever Skyrim has the opportunity to provide depth or meaning, it comes away lacking. The gameplay is more action than RPG when compared to its predecessors, but the mechanics are lackluster and simplistic.

Most don’t even seem to bother with Skyrim‘s main quest, though I pushed through and completed it. Still, barely any aspect of it really stands out in my mind or impressed me. By contrast, the main questline in Morrowind is the highlight; so too is the main quest line in Enderal. So many moments of Skyrim that could’ve been something more end up feeling like yet another item crossed off the list. I could go back now and still probably play it for tens of hours if I wanted, and I’d probably enjoy it. But if I wanted depth, I’d only find an ocean-sized puddle. For all its vaunted freedom to play it as you want, that’s all Skyrim can ever offer you, no matter what else you might desire from it.

Enderal: Forgotten Stories felt incredibly refreshing to me as a result. It took all the potential of Skyrim’s size, condensed it into a large but focused story, amped up the presentation and mechanics, and proceeded to deliver one of the best experiences I’ve had from any RPG I’ve played. If ever there was a game that nearly elicited the same sense of wonder I got from Morrowind, it would be Enderal, not Skyrim.

Morrowind isn’t the only titan of RPGs I’ve had the pleasure of playing recently, either. In the last year, I’ve sought to play or replay many of the titans of PC RPGs. I grew up with the likes of Baldur’s Gate 2 and Planescape: Torment, and I revisited them recently with fondness. Contemporary RPGs like NieR: Automata, The Witcher 3, and even Final Fantasy 14: Shadowbringers all have stirred strong responses in me. Yet even amongst all these heavy hitters, Enderal left such an imprint on me that it absolutely deserves to be discussed and compared alongside them.

“If ever there was a game that nearly elicited the same sense of wonder I got from Morrowind, it would be Enderal, not Skyrim.”

The Elder Scrolls 6 is a long ways off, and the last few showings of Bethesda’s games have been less than spectacular. I have no real anticipation for what’s to come from them. When you consider what a German modding team managed to make with that framework and deliver it for free, it just cements that feeling all the more. Instead of looking to that distant horizon, I’m instead prepping to go back and visit SureAI’s earlier works. Enderal isn’t their first game; they made a similar mod for Oblivion called Nehrim, set in the same world and apparently of equal quality. Nehrim is getting its own stand-alone Steam release in June, and there is no game I’m looking forward to more than it right now.

If you happen to like RPGs, I heartily urge you to go check out Enderal: Forgotten Stories. Regardless of whether or not you think highly of Skyrim, there’s a really incredible experience here that is a worthy game in its own right. You don’t even need to install Skyrim to run it, just own it. Even if you have to buy the unlisted original edition of Skyrim to play, since it doesn’t run on the Special Edition, you should still consider it. Believe me when I say that it’s worth it.

May 26, 2020 1:00 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/05/forgotten-stories-is-an-amazing-skyrim-mod-and-you-should-play-it/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=forgotten-stories-is-an-amazing-skyrim-mod-and-you-should-play-it

30th April >> (@ZenitEnglish By Deborah Castellano Lubov) #PopeFrancis #Pope Francis To Remember the Anonymous Victims of Coronavirus — Pope Francis’ Appeal at Santa Marta (FULL TEXT).

As Italy Prepares for Phase Two, Reminds Prayer Is the Way to the Father’s Heart

APRIL 30, 2020 13:57DEBORAH CASTELLANO LUBOVPOPE AND HOLY SEE, POPE'S MORNING HOMILY

Let us pray for the anonymous victims of coronavirus…. Let us also remember that prayer opens the Father’s heart…

According to Vatican News, Pope Francis stressed today, April 30th, during his private daily Mass at his residence Casa Santa Marta.

At the start of the Mass, while remembering all victims of Coronavirus, Francis prayed for its ‘anonymous’ victims, as quarantine restrictions start to ease during the so-called ‘Phase two’ in Italy set to begin gradually on May 4th.

In his homily, the Holy Father commented on a passage from today’s Gospel passage, “No one can come to me unless the Father draws him.”

The Pope then asks what we can do “so that the Father will make it His business to draw people” to Jesus.

The answer he gives is simple: Prayer.

“Witness and prayer go together”, the Pope said.

“Without witness and prayer,” he said, “you cannot do the work of apostolic preaching. One’s preaching might be very beautiful, but without the Father’s action, people will not be attracted to Christ.”

Pope Francis concluded, praying: “Let us ask the Lord for the grace to live our work with witness and prayer, so that He, the Father, might draw people to Jesus.”

The Pope ended the celebration with Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction, inviting the faithful to make a Spiritual Communion.

The Masses in Francis’ chapel normally welcome a small group of faithful, but due to recent measures’ taken by the Vatican, are now being kept private, without their participation. The Holy Week and Easter celebrations in the Vatican were also done without the presence of faithful, but were able to be watched via streaming.

Likewise, the Pope had a private Mass for Divine Mercy Sunday, with very limited participation by others, at the Roman Church of Santo Spirito in Sassia. One could watch via streaming.

It was announced at the start of the lockdowns in Italy that the Pope would have these Masses, in this period, be available to all the world’s faithful, via streaming on Vatican Media, on weekdays, at 7 am Rome time, along with his weekly Angelus and General Audiences.

In Italy where more than 25,000 people have died from coronavirus, public Masses are still prohibited. To date, in the Vatican, there have been eleven cases of coronavirus in the Vatican, confirmed a statement today from the Director of the Holy See Press Office, Matteo Bruni.

The Vatican Museums are closed, along with the Vatican’s other similar museums. There have also been various guidelines implemented throughout the Vatican, to prevent the spread of the virus.

For anyone interested, the Pope’s Masses at Santa Marta can be watched live and can be watched afterward on Vatican YouTube. Below is a link to today’s Mass. Also, a ZENIT English translation of the Pope’s full homily is available below:

***

***

FULL HOMILY [translated by ZENIT’s Virginia Forrester]

“No one can come to Me unless the Father draws him”: Jesus reminds <us> that the Prophets also pre-announced this. “And they shall all be taught by God.” It is God who draws <us> to knowledge of the Son. Without this, <we> cannot know Jesus. Yes, yes, one can study, also study the Bible, also know how He was born, what He did: this yes. However, to know Him from within, to know the mystery of Christ is only for those that are drawn by God to this.

This is what happened to the Minister of the economy of the Queen of Ethiopia. One sees that he was a pious man, and that he took the time, amid his many affairs, to go and adore God. He was a believer. And he was returning to his homeland, reading the Prophet Isaiah. The Lord takes Philip, he sends him to that place and then says to him: “Go next to him, approach that carriage,” and he hears the Minister who is reading Isaiah. He gets close to him and asks him a question: “Do you understand?” – “But how can I understand if no one guides me!”, and he asks the question: “of whom does the Prophet say this?” “Please, get into the carriage,” and during the journey — I don’t know how much time, I think at least a couple of hours — Philip explained, he explained Jesus to him.

That anxiety that this gentleman had in the reading of the Prophet Isaiah was in fact from the Father, who was attracting him to Jesus: He had prepared him, He had taken him from Ethiopia to Jerusalem to adore God and then, with this reading, He had prepared his heart to reveal Jesus <to him>, to the point that as soon as he saw the water, he said: “Can I be baptized?” And he believed.

And this fact, that no one can know Jesus without the Father drawing him — is valid for our apostolate, for our apostolic mission as Christians. I think also of the missions. “What are you going to do in the missions?” – “I’m <going> to convert the people –. “But stop, you won’t convert anyone! It is the Father who draws hearts to recognize Jesus.” To go on mission is to witness one’s own faith; without witness, you’ll do nothing. To go on mission — and the missionaries are good! — doesn’t mean to erect great structures, <do> things and stop like that. No, the structures must be testimonies. You can erect a hospital structure, an educational one of great perfection, of great development; however, if a structure is without Christian witness your work there won’t be the work of a witness, a work of true preaching of Jesus. It will be a very good, very good charity society, but no more!

If I want to go on mission, and I say this, if I want to engage in the apostolate, I must go with the willingness that the Father draw the people to Jesus, and witness does this. Jesus Himself says it to Peter, when he confesses that He is the Messiah: “Happy are you, Simon Peter, because the Father has revealed this to you.” It’s the Father that draws, and He draws also with our witness. “I’ll do many works, here and there and beyond, of education, of this and that . . .” however, without witness they are good things but they aren’t the proclamation of the Gospel; they aren’t posts that give the possibility that the Father will draw to knowledge of Jesus. Work and witness <are necessary>.

“But what can I do so that the Father is able to draw those people?” Prayer. And this is the prayer for missions: to pray that the Father will draw people to Jesus. Witness and prayer go together. Without witness and prayer apostolic preaching can’t be done, proclamation can’t be done. You <might> do a good moral homily, do many good things — all good; however, the Father won’t have the possibility to draw the people to Jesus. And this is the center; this is the center of our apostolate, that the Father be able to draw people to Jesus. Our witness opens the doors to the people and our prayer opens the doors to the heart of the Father to draw the people — witness and prayer. And this not only for the missions, it’s also <true> for our work as Christians. Do I truly give witness of the Christian life with my lifestyle? Do I pray that the Father may draw the people to Jesus?

This is the great rule for our apostolate everywhere, and, in a special way, for the missions; to go on mission <but> not to engage in proselytism. Once a lady, a good lady one could see she had good will — approached me with two youngsters, a boy and a girl, and she said to me: This [boy], Father, was Protestant and he converted, I convinced him. And this [girl] was . . . “I don’t know, animist, I don’t know what she said to me, “and I converted her.” And the lady was good, good. But she was mistaken. I lost my patience somewhat and said: “But listen, you haven’t converted anyone. It’s God who touches people’s heart. And, don’t forget: witness, yes, proselytism, no.”

Let us ask the Lord for the grace to live our work with witness and prayer, so that He, the Father, can draw people to Jesus.

The Pope ended the celebration with Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction, inviting the faithful to make a Spiritual Communion.

Here Is the Prayer Recited by the Pope:

My Jesus, I believe You are really present in the Most Blessed Sacrament of the altar. I love You above all things and I desire You in my soul. As I cannot now receive You sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. As if You have already come, I embrace You and unite myself wholly to You. Do not permit me to be ever separated from You.

Before leaving the Chapel, dedicated to the Holy Spirit, the Marian antiphon “Regina Caeli” was intoned, sung in Eastertide.

Regina caeli laetare, alleluia.

Quia quem meruisti portare, alleluia.

Resurrexit, sicut dixit, alleluia.

Ora pro nobis Deum, alleluia.

(Queen of Heaven, rejoice, alleluia.

Christ, whom You bore in your womb, alleluia,

Is Risen, as He promised, alleluia.

Pray for us to the Lord, alleluia).

30th APRIL 2020 13:57POPE AND HOLY SEE, POPE'S MORNING HOMILY

This may not be especially interesting or relevant at the moment, but I must talk about Hannah Fidell’s “A Teacher”

I watched this film yesterday and afterwards searched for reviews, but most of the dialogue that I found on it was very cold, and I couldn’t find a forum to post on without making an account so I’m going to talk about it here. 

I really enjoyed this movie contrary to popular opinion. However, like most people, I don’t agree with its last twenty minutes. I didn’t mind the ending . . . It’s just that I don’t think it was earned. I couldn’t  believe that the way the characters acted in this part was true to who they’d been throughout the rest of the film, and I was desperate for more, not at the movie’s conclusion, but leading up to it. I could see Eric showing who he was slowly, from the way he left Diana in the car after their first sex scene to the way he demanded “take off your clothes” at his brother’s house, watching her coolly as she undressed. I enjoyed watching the change between the two of them at school during the week that followed their getaway weekend gone wrong, but I’m not sure that we were given enough of a bridge here to warrant the way Diana behaved after the Sadie Hawkins dance.

 What I was enjoying the most about this movie up until the end was how typical the relationship was being portrayed. Neither Diana nor Eric seemed to be viewing their affair as extra sexy or anything due to their age difference or the taboo factor. Diana wasn’t portrayed as a psychopath or pedophile, and neither character appeared to come from a background of abuse, neglect, or bad relationships as clichés and classic tropes would have it. It was as if Diana and Eric were just two normal people who became interested in one another under normal circumstances only to realize that they were teacher and student.

 Additionally, Diana is very attractive, but in an unconventional way, in a plain, almost androgynous way. Meanwhile, Eric, in sort of the same sense, is also fairly good-looking—great-looking even for a high school boy—but there is nothing especially mature to his appearance or personality, a farm boy of average popularity in school. I liked that Diana and Eric were captivated by one another, again, for normal reasons, probably for small nuanced things like they found one another intriguing or funny or cute or something. It’s likely that they had never been turned on by the idea of trouble or that they were in the search of adrenaline. Neither character was portrayed as confused or corrupt or perverted, and all their conversations and banter were very natural, typical, subtle, and I felt like I was watching a real couple. I found myself smiling at the truness of their dialogue more than once, which can definitely be attributed to the director, Hannah Fidell. 

 Actually, partially for that reason, A Teacher reminded me a lot of 6 Years (dir. Hannah Fidell), but also of Take This Waltz and Black Swan. Each of these four films follows the subtle demise of a single, dedicated character who is held together by only one or two people in their lives, people who our MC simultaneously loves and loathes. Each story is a dark, but real take on what happens when we make passionate, rash choices, and at the end we see our main character is dead from these actions, and whether this death is metaphorical or literal depends on the movie. 

 But anyway, at the end Diana became obsessed too quickly, and I think that every part of this movie was awesome aside from the runtime. Somehow there wasn’t enough space for what happened. I noticed from early on, particularly during the “My family is your family” conversation that I wished we’d heard more of it. Scene transitions sometimes felt rushed and we didn’t get to learn enough about Diana nor Eric as individuals, (though we were given all we could have been with the time allotted). 

 I’ve seen people online saying that the story is just sick or that it’s boring and overdone, but I found it soft and fresh simply in the way that it’s all presented. It’s like Fidell handed us a hamburger, a dish that we all know and are often grossed out by. However, when we take a closer look we see that Fidell’s hamburger is made with like, hand-selected herbs, that the ketchup on top is from freshly-squeezed tomatoes, maybe there’s a toothpick in the center for style, maybe it’s inside a gold carry-out box; it’s different, beautiful, fresh. I honestly think this movie was a stunner, and that its runtime destroyed it just a little.

 I just looked this up and 6 Years runs for 1 hour, 25 min; Black Swan is on for 1hr, 48 min; and finally Take This Waltz runs for 1 hour, 56 min. A Teacher: 1 hour, 16 min. That’s a nine-minute difference between the shortest movie I compared it to, and I bet those nine minutes mean a lot in movie time.  

 So yeah, I think that the only real problem in this movie was its runtime. There were smaller issues throughout, but I think if it had been longer and every plot point was given its own space to develop the story would have wholly corrected itself. Overall, I really enjoyed it, and I like the idea of the ending along with a longer, more dragged out buildup.

How Much Would You Pay For Privacy?

Words by Alasdair Cannon

This is the bizarre question I have found myself pondering as of late. The question is bizarre because, well, one would assume that we have some inalienable right to privacy in a democratic nation. Right? Simply asking this question surely indicates a fundamental failure of governance, of regulation, or the market. Conversely, one might conclude that the notion of privacy has been plunged into a kind of Coasean nightmare, where our ability to be free from invasion is subject to bargaining, to the market logic of efficient distribution, to the skyscraping (campusing? If we’re gonna speak in the language of the companies in question) power differential between the individual and corporations in modern economies. One may be correct in either instance, too, which leads us to something of a truism: it is never easy when we must negotiate something we have perennially taken for granted, or when we must value what we believed to be invaluable (and not because it could not be measured, either).

In any event, the question is certainly a new one - or at least it probably isn’t something that people 30 years ago were overly concerned with. Why would they be? You (or the government) would have to be active, to the point where it was comparatively a non-issue, in telling (or collecting) your entire demographic and psychometric profile, and the history of your activities and movements, and all your wants, desires, preferences and interests. One couldn’t tacitly or incidentally just reveal all of this. Hell, even if you were utterly dedicated to revealing all these measures of your individuality to the world, even if you were possessed by a data-point exhibitionism of the most pathological kind, and you perversely wanted everybody to know you fundamentally, information-wise, you would still have a hard time of it. Data simply could not be collected comprehensively or efficiently enough to ground even individual concern over being so thoroughly revealed.

Today, however, we can and do give our whole selves away with a single click. And we do it in a manner that suggests an equilibrium solution: we value our privacy exactly in proportion to whatever it is the company stands to offer us.

Here’s an article from the Guardian that can help you freak out over that point.

No doubt, it is a question that I ask in light of recent events: yes, I specifically mean Cambridge Analytica, whose databases include ‘four to five thousand’ data points on every adult in the United States; whose platform relies on mass psychographic analysis of vast swathes of people as a means of generating a predictive model of personality for individuals and groups; whose product was employed in the most recent US election of Donald Trump, and in the primary campaign for Ted Cruz. (Watch this video to get a little taste: the man seems really quite proud of his product, and he really does give you a good salesman’s spiel about all the amazing things they know.) The public consciousness is properly fretting, perhaps for the first time ever, over the true influence of social media. We have been building to this for years of course – talk of shady contractual provisions and fake news being the breaking point for the outpouring of our collective anxieties.

I share a lot of sympathy for these emotions. The rise of social media and ICT as an overwhelming force for individual identity is something I have wondered about in increasingly panicked tones over the years, my internal intonation creeping ever closer to ‘paranoid-hysteric’, to that of a bug-eyed, frothing conspiratorialist, all fervour, dual-wielding copies of Huxley and Orwell, with Foucault buried somewhere in their coat pockets. No, I don’t own Discipline and Punish, but I certainly wasn’t far from this point. Indeed, there has been something of a positive correlate between the frequency of my tech-anxiety and ‘distance stumbled down garden path’: though mitigated to some extent by the countervailing forces of ‘kinda getting used to it’, ‘are you surprised by this?’, ‘who cares?’, and ‘there’s nothing you can do about it’, it has increased, absolutely. Crucially, I do not believe I am unjustified in feeling this way: recall, well, what I said a couple of paragraphs ago.

From when I first listened to OK Computer through to April 2018, the fear has escalated. Some discontinuous leaps were made: discovering the Google Beacon, for example, a nifty device that will be just, oh, everywhere in certain developed economies, which interacts with your smartphone as you move through public spaces, transmitting and presenting data constantly, an activity directed at unifying your subjective motives into one glorious vector of consumption. On a corollary note, here’s another good one: that day I bumped into someone I hadn’t seen for five years, and an hour later, Instagram lets me know I can follow them: now that’s convenience. Mutual benefit off the charts. There was also the day I realised (that is, I read what former Facebook developers had to say about their own platform) that, given we do not pay for Facebook or Google, that we were in fact, their products.  That was a knock-your-hair back kind of moment for sure.

Before the Cambridge Analytica scandal, the object of my concern was the advertising revenues of Facebook and Google. Check out these graphs of their lifetime advertising revenue, for example. Between them, they grossed $135bn in ad revenue in 2017 alone. Facebook boasts 2.2 billion users, and though I lack an exact statistic, I believe we can safely assume Google likely has a similar number of unique users. If we assume the groups overlap entirely, then this puts the ad revenue per user at roughly $68 per user. To be safe, if we instead calculate the ad revenue per person alive today, it comes out at $18.50. So, the real number is probably somewhere in between – and given the past performance of these companies, don’t be surprised if it keeps growing. Their net profit per user is more modest than this: search engines and social media platforms aren’t cheap to run, after all. They also do provide an undeniably valuable service, and so these figures are justified, economically speaking. Crucially, though, the entire foundation of their revenue base rests upon the willingness of the consumer to simply give away something that is, evidently, extraordinarily valuable to these companies: their life in data. Irrespective of the value they add via their database and network effects, or the advertising services they sell, or the entertainment and utility they provide for free, these companies are wholly reliant on our initial, unwitting consent to donate to them our time and information.

And for what reward? What mutual do we derive for sacrificing our privacy at the altar of the internet, for slapping our knowable selves down on the counter? Their products of course; platforms that are today extraordinarily popular, and not only because they are useful and powerful. In the words of Sean Parker, early investor in Facebook, their design motive was couched in exploiting addiction and vulnerability: ‘How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible,’ he says. (Google is not complicit in this regard – it seems pretty hard to give a dopamine hit from a search bar, after all. Their product actually is that useful. It does, however, have a couple of implications for freedom of information and control of opinion – a topic for another time, maybe). Their bottom line relies on the maximum exploitation of the consumer at the lowest cost possible – an historic market relation that encourages continuous and absolute loyalty of the consumer to your product. And what better than the inelastic demand created by suckering the user into a state of addiction? As Thomas Pynchon writes in Gravity’s Rainbow: ‘The classic hustle is still famous for the cold purity of its execution’. Addiction, indeed, creates an ‘inelastic demand for that shit.’ It is a profoundly simple arrangement, based upon simple economics and human fallibility, reductive enough to a symbolically dichotomous relationship – despite its cynicism and denial of human good. Any degree of observation can confirm that both the consumer and the corporate giants have become entwined in an archetypal relationship, with each side of the historic dichotomy played unflinchingly: the naïve fool who, unware of the value of what they possess, is unknowingly exploited by the powerful. And in a fashion that righteously emboldens the cry of ‘abuse’, they have treated us with the disrespect a tyrant affords to the vulnerable.

Facebook’s Ad Revenue Worldwide from 2009 – 2017, in millions of dollars

Ahem. Well, if it wasn’t already self-evident, essentially, what I am saying is that these companies are no longer fucking around, socioeconomically speaking. When combined with the fact that our vulnerability and our proclivity for addiction is their product, this becomes problematic, to say the least. This therefore brings me to my point: I ask my initial question on whether we should pay for privacy in the broadest possible terms, for my concern fundamentally lies in relation to the growing dominance of the sociocultural forces constituted by social media, by search engines, by algorithmic targeting, by gargantuan psychometric databases, and by utterly pervasive online and mobile advertising. We are the known, the manipulated: the consumed and the consumer. Queue images of the snake eating itself, or perhaps more fitting for a late capitalist society, that weird rumour about Marilyn Manson and his rib surgery.

Clearly, Google and Facebook value the contents of our privacy quite dearly, and it is this fact which tacitly establishes the value of privacy in our economy. Giving it away for free, or for any amount equal to the perceived value of the product on offer is clearly foolish: to do so, unmediated by regulation or subjective concern and awareness can only serve to reinforce the pre-existing paradigm of our exploitation and disempowerment. Choosing to maintain this relationship would only attests to our indifference; to the absolute normalisation of the invasion and harvesting of our privacy; the colonisation of our mental space via the wonderful corporate algorithm; phenomena which all testify in unison to the powerlessness felt by the average consumer in a social media market controlled by some of the most advanced and powerful entities in human history. Maintaining this relationship is to welcome its logical conclusion, the inevitable and absolute extreme of personalised advertising: a utopia of prior-decidedness, of subjugated contingency. Is that a life lived in bad faith or good faith? It’s an authentic you, imposed upon you externally: a Sartrean knot if there ever was one.

Of course, the big one has only just arrived, the paradigm shifter par excellence as I would hope – the Watergate for the Zuck, if you will. Time will tell whether this brings about meaningful reform in the digital sphere. Given how long they have staggered untrammelled over the landscape of technological societies, how focused and efficient they have become in their practices of exploitation, I am not necessarily optimistic. Unless, of course, we learn from these companies, and come to realise the unmistakeable value of knowing ourselves: a condition that is inseparable from power over our own lives.

SEE MORE

http://adage.com/article/digital/sean-parker-worries-facebook-rotting-children-s-brains/311238/

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/nov/09/facebook-sean-parker-vulnerability-brain-psychology/

https://www.statista.com/statistics/266249/advertising-revenue-of-google/

https://www.statista.com/statistics/271258/facebooks-advertising-revenue-worldwide/

Richard Mille has developed a new kind of watch. The RM 72-01 Lifestyle In-House Chronograph seeks to embody the watchmaker’s unrivalled know-how while making an indelible mark on its era as a work of art. Benjamin Millepied and Thomas Roussel, two modern hybrid artists, are leading the project W I T H I N, both technically and artistically.

W I T H I N – At the heart of creativity

Every new creation is a world unto itself. A wholly new space born of a play between spirit and sensation. Singular yet timeless, innovative and performance-driven, the RM 72-01 Lifestyle In-House Chronograph is poised at the intersection between Haute Horlogerie, dance and music. Movement is all. Movement of time, of bodies, of notes.

The latest ‘face’ of Richard Mille — the ultimate metronome of emotion—is a work in which technicity serves and drives elegance. It’s also an in-house creation, featuring the first flyback chronograph entirely developed and designed by the brand. An achievement crowning no less than 30 months of full-time work on the part of a dedicated team.

The new RM 72-01 keeps time, three beats to a measure, a rhythm emphasising three numbers: three, eight and eleven. Three beats for the three counters that immediately capture every eye. The hands dance in stylised harmony within their three respective timescales (blue for seconds, orange for minutes, green for hours), orchestrated by a six-column wheel.

The transfers from minutes to hours have been isolated from the seconds wheel in this flyback chronograph which incorporates a double oscillating pinion mechanism developed and patented by Richard Mille. The brand has submitted a patent application for its double-clutch chronograph. ‘This pinion, which can enmesh or withdraw from the gear teeth, has been twinned. There’s now one for the minutes and another for seconds. This system is thinner than a vertical clutch, which would be hard to fit into the heart of the movement,’ explains Salvador Arbona, Technical Director for Movements. As a result, the chronograph function has little impact on the power reserve. The Calibre CRMC1 thus remains quite slim, at just 6.05 mm thick, despite comprising 425 different components.

Equipped with 24-hour and 60-minute counters positioned at 5 o’clock and 2 o’clock respectively, it proves that a chronograph need not be limited to timing only short periods. This mechanism was entirely imagined, manufactured and assembled in Les Breuleux, at the brand’s facilities. Its sublime precision can be viewed through its openwork caseback, a hallmark of the Richard Mille brand.

This model is available in four different combinations—5N red gold, titanium and black or white ceramic. It features an automatic winding movement, with a 50-hour power reserve irrespective of how much the chronograph is activated. It is a strikingly architectural watch offering true ease of use. Embodying pure mechanics and hand finishing, it is designed for everyday use.

It was evident that renowned artists such as choreographer Benjamin Millepied and composer Thomas Roussel would be needed to fully express in technical and artistic terms, the tremendous ambitions of this project. Like Richard Mille, both of these hybrid creators have built their oeuvre, W I T H I N, on a resolutely singular vision and an obsession with perfect timing and harmonious movement.

Be it in the realm of ballet or symphonic orchestra, Benjamin Millepied and Thomas Roussel both rely on a wealth of heritage and tradition to shape modern visions of their respective arts. They fashion singular works that powerfully combine the quintessence of their disciplines and their contemporary sensibilities. And it is precisely this hybrid synthesis of science and emotion that prompted them to embrace the watchmaking brand’s new project.

For their a work titled W I T H I N, Benjamin Millepied took place behind the camera this time, at the Joshua Tree, in the heart of sand and stone. This stark mineral environment exalts the nobility and beauty of the materials Richard Mille employs for its watches. Amidst this sublime decor, the dancers unfurl a choreography of cyclical parallels that sifts and winnows the seconds, clothing time and space with intense vitality and energy.

This mysterious setting, in which humanity appears to reconnect with our origins, was a perfect source of inspiration for Thomas Roussel. After sampling the watch’s chronometrice function, the compositor built a tempo around it, a musical rhythm anchored in the raw energy and abandon of the dancers. Around a whirlwind of vitality, he weaves a music redolent of origins, repetitive and mysterious. The composition was recorded by the fifty musicians of the prestigious London Symphony Orchestra in the studio at St. Luke’s church in London.

The RM 72-01 Lifestyle In-House Chronograph encapsulates the original movement.

Benjamin Millepied and Thomas Roussel – revisit space/time

Time is not just a technical concern. It’s also the loom on which great art is created. The accelerations, repetitions and breath-like motions of clocks constitute the pulse of living, dancing and sonorous artworks, the underlying rhythms of our life force. Richard Mille has embraced this vision of time to create a hybrid watch, a point where art and technology meet.

With its curves, warm colours and studied scaling, the RM 72-01 is in equal measure a high-technology device and a metronome of emotion. The latest timepiece from Richard Mille’s workshops is designed for people who believe that performance should not be achieved at the expense of feeling, and that even the best technology must meet the imperatives of elegance.

‘Piece by piece, I’m constantly working to perfect the art of choreography. This relationship to accuracy is something I share with fine watchmaking.’ Benjamin Millepied

The meeting

Only renowned artists could embrace such an ambitious project. Like Richard Mille, choreographer Benjamin Millepied and composer Thomas Roussel create works imbued with a unique power of imagination and an obsession with perfection.

In the tradition of great jewellers, their determination to achieve perfect balance and harmony in movement acts as a guide in their creative process. Every day, they are prepared to repeat the same movement a hundred times to produce the perfect gesture. ‘I fully appreciate the ascetic craftsmanship of Richard Mille’s work. I too like to think of myself and my dancers as craftsmen,’ explains Benjamin Millepied, choreographer, creator of the ballets for the film Black Swan, and former head of the Paris Opera, as well as founder of the L.A. Dance Project. Unsurprisingly, his comment rang true among the teams at Richard Mille.

And, like Richard Mille, Thomas Roussel and Benjamin Millepied have no qualms about using the latest technology in their creations, with technicity deployed as a means of transcending their discipline. In ballet and orchestral music respectively, Benjamin Millepied and Thomas Roussel both draw on heritage and tradition to bring their art to life in resolutely modern ways. They craft unique works that combine the quintessence of their discipline and their own, contemporary sensibilities. It’s this hybrid synthesis of science and human emotion that led them, almost logically, to become involved with this new project from the watchmaking House.

Watchmaking and art

To the herald the new star in the Richard Mille firmament, the RM 72-01, the two artists decided to create a new and singular work, swiftly converging on the medium of film, W I T H I N. Benjamin Millepied stepped behind the camera for the occasion, and chose to shoot in the middle of the Joshua Tree desert, surrounded by the arid terrain of rocks and sand. ‘This project called for an endless landscape, out of time,’ explains Millepied. And indeed, the stark mineral environment exalts the nobility and beauty of the materials favoured by Richard Mille.

At the heart of a landscape fashioned by time and space, evocative of humanity’s earliest origins, Benjamin Millepied induces an expression of raw human energy. Each in turn, a female and a male dancer, respond to one another, unleashing their natural vitality via an unstructured and organic pas-de-deux. In the style of Terrence Malick, whose influence is palpable, the choreographer has superbly caught the couple’s spontaneous, instinctive movements. ‘I enjoyed filming such primal energy in a landscape like that. In order to capture something more alive, more real, more sincere, I purposefully gave them tremendous freedom.‘

‘Like orchestral music, Haute Horlogerie feeds on its own traditions, respecting very strict and precise rules. Based on this guidance, it is up to us to break down the codes and offer works that are singular.’ Thomas Roussel

Metaphysics and watchmaking

This sublime environment proved inspirational for Thomas Roussel. And no surprise, the composer has for many years been fascinated by the metaphysical questions. In his 2015 opus, Prequell, for example, he set gravitational waves to music as a sign of the distortion of time. ‘Because the Richard Mille film project drew on space/time, I was drawn to it immediately. I created music where time dilates and duplicates itself, to fit the production. Inspiration is born of emotion’ explains Roussel. Starting from a sample from the watch’s stopwatch function, the composer then injects a tempo, a musical rhythm that matches the raw, unbridled energy of the dancers. Around a tourbillon of vitality, Thomas Roussel weaves a repetitive and mysterious primordial music. The percussion keeps the beat as though counting seconds. As a return to our roots, this joint work takes us back in time, to when the core elements of earth, stone and water served as the cradle of humanity. To fix this special piece in time, the composition was performed by the 50 musicians of the prestigious London Symphony Orchestra in a truly intimate and time-honoured setting, the recording studio at St. Luke’s Church in London. In its own way, the RM 72-01 itself embodies the primordial pulse of movement, this fusion of human bodies, sounds and time.

Technical project

The elegance of the RM 72-01 is also reflected in the technological prowess involved in creating it. Signalling the start of a new era, the RM 72-01 is the first watch in the history of Richard Mille to be equipped with a flyback chronograph that is end-to-end in-house. Drawing on a double clutch system with oscillating pinions patented by the brand, the chronograph makes this latest timepiece a truly exceptional object. The RM 72-01 Lifestyle In-House Chronograph reimagines tisets its own tempo, imposes its own rhythm and makes an indelible mark on its era.

In-house patented flyback chronograph – A unique design

The mechanism of the new RM 72-01 presents a unique, patented design that incorporates a double clutch system with oscillating pinions mounted on rockers. Thanks to their compact proportions, these pinions reduce the space taken up by the chronograph within the movement. This same movement has undergone numerous certification tests to confirm its reliability, its durability (accelerated five- and ten-year ageing simulations) and the solidity of its architecture (resistance tests with various impact intensities).

In a traditional chronograph (figure 1), with a horizontal coupling clutch, torque is transferred to the chronograph seconds (in green) by the movement’s seconds wheel (in red) by means of a coupling clutch (in yellow). The chronograph seconds then drives the minute counters (figure 2) through a multiplying gear train. Yet the seconds has the least energy of all the movement’s components and any disturbances affecting it will also impact the watch’s rate, the power reserve and the operation of the various other mechanisms.

Operation of the oscillating pinion

The new flyback chronograph architecture breaks ground by splitting the torque between the chronograph’s various counters. The display and the connection to the minutes are disengaged from the chronograph’s seconds wheel. The seconds and minute wheels of the movement (A) thereby permanently interlock with the lower teeth of the two oscillating pinions (B). However, when the rockers are moved, their upper teeth (C), which link to the chronograph’s seconds and minute wheels (D), engage or disengage depending on whether the chronograph is activated or stopped (E).

This invention represents a major advancement in the calculation of durations. The disassociation of the chronograph function from the daily time counter does not affect the rate of the base movement in any way when the chronograph is engaged. Whether the chronograph is activated or not, the power reserve remains virtually unchanged. Controlling the start, stop, flyback and reset functions in particular, these rockers are activated by a six-column wheel, the geometry of which optimises the simultaneousness of actions and the proper latching of functions, whilst guaranteeing the longevity of the settings.

Oscillating pinions

Comprised of a stem and two toothed wheels, the two oscillating pinions replace the large wheels normally found in traditional chronographs. Their upper teeth link to the seconds wheel (right-hand pinion) and minute wheel (left-hand pinion) of the chronograph.

Gear train of the chronograph minute counter

This new chronograph configuration limits the torque transferred from the base movement through the chronograph seconds. By separating the other counters from the chronograph seconds, the use of two oscillating pinions breaks this classic kinetic chain. There is a distinct advantage to transferring the torque directly from the barrel to the minute and hour counters as this energy is received at the source and is much greater. The performance of the movement as a whole is optimised as a result.

Richard Mille RM 72-01 Lifestyle In-House Chronograph Technical Specifications

IN-HOUSE CALIBRE CRMC1: skeletonised movement with automatic bidirectional winding and hours, minutes, small seconds, date, flyback chronograph, function indicator and stop seconds.

Case dimensions: 38.40 x 47.34 x 11.68 mm.

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MAIN FEATURES

POWER RESERVE

Circa 50 hours (±10%)

BASEPLATE AND BRIDGES IN GRADE 5 TITANIUM

The baseplate and the bridges are crafted in grade 5 titanium, a biocompatible, highly corrosion-resistant and remarkably rigid alloy, ensuring the gear train functions smoothly. The alloy is 90% titanium, 6% aluminium and 4% vanadium. The use of micro-blasted grade 5 titanium in combination with a grey electroplasma treatment confers great rigidity on the entire assembly and gives rigorously even surfaces. This combination enhances the alloy’s mechanical properties, which explains its frequent use in the aerospace, aeronautics and automotive industries.

The skeletonised baseplate and the bridges were subjected to long and exacting validation tests to ensure they meet the most rigorous standards applied to resistance and ageing.

DATE

Semi-instantaneous and displayed in a vertical aperture at 7 o’clock.

FLYBACK CHRONOGRAPH WITH OSCILLATING PINIONS (PATENTED MECHANISM)

This new type of flyback chronograph, patented by Richard Mille, splits the torque between the chronograph’s various counters. The display and the connection to the minutes and hours are disengaged from the chronograph’s seconds wheel.

The performance of this chronograph is superlative. Drawing power directly from the barrel to supply the chronograph’s three counters, this heightened energy is transmitted to the chronograph train by a coupling system consisting of two oscillating pinions mounted on rockers. Controlling the start, stop, flyback and reset functions in particular, these rockers are activated by a 6-column wheel, the construction of which optimises the simultaneousness of actions and the proper latching of functions, whilst ensuring the longevity of the settings.

This invention represents a major advancement in the calculation of times. Less sensitive to disturbance and taking up less space than well-known mechanisms, the disassociation of the chronograph function from the daily time measurement means that the rate of the base movement is entirely unaffected when the chronograph is activated.

Using the pusher located at 4 o’clock, the running chronograph hand can be reset without first having to stop the mechanism. This system was originally developed for pilots to avoid losing time (and accuracy) due to stopping, resetting and restarting their chronographs when passing through waypoints.

When the chronograph function is active, the hours (24-hour counter) and minutes (60-minute counter) are visible via the two counters located at 5 o’clock and 2 o’clock, the elapsed seconds being indicated by the central seconds.

FUNCTION INDICATOR

Similar to a gearbox in a car, the function indicator displays winding, hand setting or date adjustment when then crown is pulled out. The selected mode is indicated by a hand situated at 3 o’clock: W (Winding) – D (Date) – H (Hand Setting).

FREE-SPRUNG BALANCE WITH VARIABLE INERTIA

This type of balance wheel guarantees greater reliability when subjected to shocks and also during movement assembly and disassembly, hence better chronometric results over time.

The regulator index is eliminated and a more accurate and repeatable adjustment is possible, thanks to 4 small, adjustable weights located directly on the balance.

ROTOR IN PLATINUM

By using a rotor in platinum with ceramic ball bearings in combination with a One Way® reverser system, the barrel can be optimally wound whilst keeping its size compact.

FAST ROTATING BARREL (5 HOURS PER REVOLUTION INSTEAD OF 7.5 HOURS)

This type of barrel provides the following advantages: – The phenomenon of periodic internal mainspring adhesion is significantly diminished, thereby enhancing performance. – Excellent delta of the mainspring curve with a power reserve that offers the ideal balance of performance and regularity.

GEAR-TEETH PROFILE

The entire going train of the calibre CRMC1 has been optimised by adopting a special profile for the teeth of the wheels to create a 20° angle of pressure. This pressure angle facilitates the work of the ball bearings and equalised any discrepancies that might arise between the axles of each wheel. These new gear trains ensure excellent torque transmission and hence optimum output.

SPLINE SCREWS IN GRADE 5 TITANIUM FOR THE MOVEMENT AND CASE

These screws enable better control of the torque applied to the screws during assembly. They are therefore unaffected by physical manipulation during assembly or disassembly, and age well.

OTHER FEATURES

– Movement dimensions: 29.10 x 31.25 mm – Thickness: 6.05 mm – Number of jewels: 39 – Balance wheel: CuBe, 4 arms, 4 setting weights, moment of inertia 7.5 mg•cm2, angle of lift 50° – Frequency: 28,800 vph (4 Hz) – Balance spring: AK3 – Shock protection: INCABLOC 908.22.211.100 (transparent)

CASE

The design and manufacture of the watch embody a global approach to the case, dial and every part of the movement.

Thus the timepiece is created as a harmonious whole according to extremely rigorous specifications. The casing ring is eliminated, and the movement is fixed to the chassis with four titanium screws and silent blocks (ISO SW). This shows the emphasis placed on uncompromising high quality.

This model is available in full grade 5 titanium, full 5N red gold, black TZP ceramic and white ATZ ceramic with the case band in 5N red gold. For each version, the pushers are in black TZP ceramic and 5N red gold.

The tripartite case is water resistant to 30 metres, ensured by three Nitrile O-ring seals. It is assembled using 20 grade 5 titanium spline screws and abrasion-resistant washers in 316L stainless steel.

CROWN

In 5N red gold and black TZP ceramic with a double O-ring and a collar in rubber.

UPPER FLANGE

In carbon fibre; hour-markers filled with an approved luminous material.

DIAL

In grade 5 titanium Thickness: 1.17 mm

CRYSTAL

Bezel side: in sapphire (1,800 Vickers) with anti-glare coating (both sides) Thickness: 1.00 mm Case back: in sapphire with anti-glare coating (on both sides) Thickness: 1.00 mm at the centre and 1,75 mm at the outer edges

FINISHING

MOVEMENT

– Micro-blasted and hand-polished chamfering for the bridges – Micro-blasted milled sections – Micro-blasted and hand-polished sinks for the bridges – Electroplasma treatment for the baseplate and the bridges

STEEL PARTS

– Satin brushed surfaces – Hand-polished chamfered edges – Hand-polished sinks – Drawn edges

PROFILE-TURNING

– Polished tips – Burnished pivots – Polished post faces

WHEELS

– Diamond-polished sinks – Diamond-polished angles – Circular finished faces – Rhodium plating (before cutting the teeth)

Richard Mille RM 72-01 Lifestyle Gallery

Richard Mille RM 72-01 Lifestyle In-House Chronograph Richard Mille has developed a new kind of watch. The RM 72-01 Lifestyle In-House Chronograph seeks to embody the watchmaker’s unrivalled know-how while making an indelible mark on its era as a work of art.

How to Tell If a Wedding Planner (or Pro) is Real

With so many instagram accounts and social media profiles “sharing” other people’s work, how can you tell if what you are looking at is truly the work of the wedding pro you are considering?

If you have read the book “Steal Like An Artist” by Austin Kleon, you know that there is very little in the world that is completely, wholly original. As artists and creatives, we are inspired by the world around us. To be inspired by the world is to take that which you see and make it better. I take colors, textures, and patterns and I mix them in a new way. I make note of the weddings, events, and interior designs that I love so that I can dissect and dismantle them. I break the world into tiny pieces, and then put it back together in a way that - hopefully - makes people feel things other than that which they felt before. This is not theft. It is inspiration and, in so many ways, art. I honor the work that has come before me by pushing it further.

Theft in the wedding and event space is about showing work that is not your own and failing to properly credit the appropriate individuals. It is taking an idea or an image and knocking it off in a way that degrades the value of the original work. When I talk to my clients about design, I find myself saying, “You wouldn’t carry a knock off Chanel or YSL bag. Why would you pay for a knock off wedding?” My advice for clients and creatives alike is always this: Be better. Be better than Pinterest. Be better than Instagram. You deserve more than a knock off; especially a bad one.

How do you as a couple know whether or not the work a wedding pro is showing is actually theirs?

Over the last month, many of us have been made aware of the fact that our work has been “stolen” and is being shared by other wedding pros as their own. As a professional and a business owner, it is incredibly frustrating to see work be abused in such a cavalier manner. Many of us have dedicated our lives to the pursuit of this work. We have spent decades honing our craft and invested thousands of dollars and countless hours in order to develop ourselves as creatives. Our ability to see the world in an utterly unique way, to imagine a world more beautiful than the one we live in, and to manifest that into reality is an artform. Having it pilfered and passed around as if it is nothing is not only wrong, but incredibly hurtful. It is hard to understand how one professional can do this to another.

As maddening as it is for us as creatives, the real damage to is to our clients. Newly engaged couples begin their search for inspiration online. Social media sites such as Instagram and search engines such as Pinterest are the go-to sources of inspiration for brides and grooms. Couples find an image they love, trace the clicks back to a website, and book a particular vendor based on what they have seen online. The relationship starts with a lie, and nothing good can come from that place. As the process moves forward, couples find themselves struggling with their vendor (be it a planner, designer, photographer, etc.) because the hired team cannot meet their expectations. There is a gap between the perceived talent of the vendor and their actual ability. The faulty pro has sold their clients a lie, and the unknowing couple is left confused about where they have gone wrong. This leads to heartbroken clients and a negative impression of our beloved wedding industry.

So how can you, as a couple and potential client, determine if the work you are seeing online is truly the work of the professional you are considering? Here are three ways that you can suss out the legitimacy of a wedding professionals’ presented work:

5 Tips for Validating a Wedding Pro’s Authenticity

COMPARE: Compare the image you love to the rest of the wedding pros portfolio. Does the image you love fit in with the rest of their presented work? Wedding planners will plan to the desires of their clients, but there should be a sense of style and a vibe that carries through their work. For example, I love production. My weddings will all feature a major design element and there will be a sense of transformation and storytelling. My images are captioned with ways that explain how and why I created a certain environment. Every element I add to a design is personally vetted, and there is a reason behind each decision I make. As , have a very specific style and vibe. Their composure, the lighting, and the way in which they frame their subjects will have a thread of consistency. If you look at a photographer’s site and there are inconsistencies in the filter and tone of the images, it is a good indicator that the work you are seeing may not be theirs.

FOLLOW THE FEED: Scroll through the feed of the company you are considering in search of other images from the same wedding or event. Legitimate pros will have multiple photos of the same wedding, and those photos will also appear on their website. Beware of new accounts that are featuring over the top work that appears to be their own. New businesses need time to develop their own original portfolios. If you see something that you adore but the pro seems too new to have perhaps produced it, reach out and ask about the origin. Some new businesses have approval to share work they contributed to while they were employed with another company. In that case, the pro will likely direct you to the original source and explain how they worked on the project. Always double check, and ask the actual wedding planner or photographer what they can tell you about the posting pro’s involvement.

IMAGE SEARCH: Did you know that you can search for an image via google? Simple drag the image you love into the search bar and do a little digging. You would be able to trace back the original origin of the photo, and also see where else the image has appeared. Pay particular attention to weddings that have been published by third party blogs and magazines, as the editors will list the legitimate vendors that were involved in the project.

TAGS AND COMMENTS: From time to time, vendors will share the work of other pros to showcase inspiration or to highlight a relationship. Legitimate vendors will note clearly that the work they are sharing is not their own. They will list detailed credits in the captain and note that the images and videos shared are not from events that they have produced. However, less scrupulous people will share work without specifically saying who it belongs to. They will craft comments and captions that make it seems as if they did the work, and they will “hide” the real vendors as tags in the image. This is tricky, as the poster will say things such as “I never claimed it was mine” or “well, I tagged you in the image” to deflect responsibility. I know that it sounds crazy, but you should always do your due diligence and ensure that there are no hidden tags or credits that you may be missing.

ASK FOR FULL SET OF IMAGES: It is very easy for someone to repost one piece of work and claim it as their own. It is much more difficult to hijack an entire gallery. While qualifying your vendors, ask to see the full set of images from the weddings you love. Not just the public gallery that they are showing; ask for the full set of images. Wedding pros who have actually worked an event will have their own behind the scenes photos they can share.

It may sound like a lot of work, but vetting your wedding professionals - especially your wedding planner - is one of the most important things you will do while building your team. Hire the right person with the right credentials - one that also sees the world as you wish it were - and you are all but guaranteed to love not just the final product, but the process. However, if you fall victim to someone who claims work that is not their own or that overly embellishes their experience, and you are likely doomed to find yourself steeped in regret. (For a real-couple’s account of their experience having hired the wrong wedding planner, watch my VIDEO or listen to my PODCAST.)

How can we as wedding professionals protect ourselves from unsavory “pros” who pass our work off as their own?

Perhaps you are wedding professional that has had your work “borrowed” by your competition; what then? Every established wedding professional that I know has experienced this. Some attempt to prevent theft and unauthorized usage by putting large logos and watermarks on their images. This is an awful look and prevents the real pros from properly showcasing their art. Additionally, anyone who wants to take any image can and will easily get around a logo. I do not believe in compromising the work to prevent the bad behavior of others. I do believe in addressing the behavior, however, and doing your best to stop others from being actively injurious.

I am not a lawyer, but I have taken the following steps with great success over the years:

If you find that your work is being used without your consent, the first thing to do is to send a message directly to the offending party. Let them know that you have become aware of their unauthorized use of your work. State clearly that you do not give this person permission to use your image/video/design/words and request that they take it down. Next, you should reach out to all of the pros that worked on the wedding or event in question and let them know that another business is sharing their work inappropriately and without credit. In my experience, other vendors will be just as disgruntled by this action as you are, and they will also reach out to the offending party. Peer pressure is a powerful influence, and often encourages the poster to remove the images they have posted. If, after all this, you still find that your work has not been removed, make your plea public. Post a comment on the image that clearly states that the work being is yours, and that it does not belong to the posting business. Request that they remove the image and make a note to follow up and ensure that they take it down. Screengrab the image, and keep a detailed record of your requests and the business’ response to them. If a week passes with no resolution, you can escalate your request by sending a cease and desist letter. In layman’s terms, “cease” means to stops doing something and “desist” advises them not to resume the behavior. This type of notification will typically be the last step you need to take in order to resolve the issue. After this, you need to either bring in an actual attorney or you need to let it go.

Personally, I struggle in letting things like this go. But I also believe that every moment I spent policing the behaviors of others takes away from the time and energy I can put into creating something new. That doesn’t mean that I stand by and allow others to wantonly steal my work. It just means that I won’t allow them to steal my time or my joy along with it.

Instead, we fight the good fight. We do the best we can. We share the work of others to celebrate them and to share inspiration, and we protect that which we created in honor of not only our work, but for the clients that we created it for. Anything else disrespects the process, the journey, and the story. If we fail to honor those things, then we have nothing. And pretty without purpose will always fall flat.

And so my engaged friends, continue to seek inspiration online. Pin the photos you love, save the Instagrams that inspire you, and use the many resources available online to educate yourself about who you are working with and what you are buying. Buy from and work with the best, and remember that integrity and art are a winning combination.

Always….

PS - My friends at Anee Atelier recently published their own account of having not only their work but their entire site plagiarized. (You can read their incredible article here).

REVIEWS! - ROMANCE

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Spring has sprung and Romance is in the air! With this weeks reviews you’ll find the following: some swoony, some funny, and some just short of the mark, but all are romances (in some essence of the word.)

So sit back, and take a look at this week’s romantic line-up:

📚Daphne Dubois’ Only the Beginning (2018 Contemporary Romance) 📚Leddy Harper’s The (Half) Truth (2019 New Adult College Romance) 📚Adriana Locke’s Tumble (2019 Romantic Comedy) 📚Elinor Lipman’s Good Riddance (2019 Women’s Fiction Rom-Com)

From one bookaholic to another, I hope I’ve helped you find your next fix. —Dani

Only the Beginning 

By Daphne Dubois

Publication Date: April 25, 2018 Genre: Adult, Women’s Fiction Literature, Contemporary, Romance

Synopsis:

After a heartbreaking betrayal, Melissa Legacy shuns romance. So when her best friend joins the Lovers Oasis website and fears her fiancé will find out, Melissa agrees to meet the anonymous Romeo, prepared to explain her friend’s change of heart—then she sees him.

Failing restaurant entrepreneur, Craig Wheaton hasn’t been home since his mother’s tragic death. Now he’s back to confront his demons and stand beside his brother as best man. Dreading the reunion, he agrees to meet his avatar lover, but at the last moment he reconsiders the arrangement—until he lays eyes on her.

When Craig assumes Melissa is his online consort, she impulsively plays along, resulting in an afternoon of unexpected intimacy. But with Melissa using her friend’s identity and Craig dealing with a family fallout, is a future together impossible, or will they discover that love at first sight is Only the Beginning?

Goodreads

Purchase:

Amazon / B&N / Kobo

Review:

Only the Beginning  is a a cute romance that has just about every known romantic plot in it, including an Oh-sorry-to-have-run-into-you-knocking-you-to-the-ground / Love-at-first-sight-but-we-won’t-realize-it-until-the-end meet-cute. But don’t let these common romance novels antics dissuade you from picking Daphne Dubois book up!

While Only the Beginning may have all of those romance plots in it, Dubois did a wonderful job at making them all new and fresh rather than seeming old and dry. The constant change in perspective of the story line helps keep the reader in a constant state of wonder - reading to the breaking point of a change-of-events, only to have the next chapter begin from the other person’s point-of-view, and a few steps back. This constant flip-flop keeps the reader on their toes, transforming the escapades and tricks from the usual mundane to fun and flirty.

Craig and Melissa essentially meet because of an online messaging forum called Lovers’ Oasis. I feel like not many people are are logging into online forums to anonymously chat and hook-up anymore, so I did find to be a bit old and dated. (But then again, maybe that’s because I’m married, and I’m not experiencing this myself. Please tell me if I’m wrong…) But other than that dated feel to the book, I found Only the Beginning to be a pleasurable and easy romantic read that warmed the heart.

 Dani's Score out of 5: 🍾🍾🍾🍾

The (Half) Truth 

By Leddy Harper

Publication Date: February 19, 2019 Genre: New Adult, Contemporary, College, Romance

Synopsis:

Tatum Alexander is so close to realizing her dream of becoming a sous chef she can taste it, but working at her ex-fiancé’s restaurant with his new girlfriend was never in her career plan. To save face and prove she’s moved on, Tatum cooks up a lie that she’s in a relationship with her best friend’s superhot cousin. There’s just one problem: Jason only recently moved to town, and he has no idea they’re already “dating.”

Jason’s a recovering ladies’ man who shouldn’t be on the menu, but that doesn’t mean he’s immune to Tatum’s quirky charm. Giving her lie a kernel of truth, they decide some no-strings-attached fun between the sheets can’t hurt. But as Tatum’s forced to keep making up stories to cover her original fib, she has a hard time separating what’s real and what’s fake—including her feelings for Jason.

With too many tales spun, Tatum can only watch in horror as her collection of yarns begins to unravel, leaving everyone she cares about feeling betrayed. After so many lies, will it be too late to set the record straight? And more importantly, will she be able to convince Jason there’s truth in their love?

Purchase:

Amazon / B&N / IndieBound

Review:

Leddy Harper’s The (Half) Truth is a great read! It’s fun and quirky, awkward and romantic. By far one of my favorite (fun) romances I’ve read.

Harper has a way with picturing something in her head and making you see it just as clearly in your own mind with her beautiful imagery. Adjectives are great when used in moderation, and Harper shows the curve of a smile, the grass-green sparkle of an eye, and the trail of a finger so perfectly that you can see them; you can feel them.

Tatum Alexander’s extremely awkward way of handling stress gives this love story a breath of fresh air, making all of the serious life lessons something not to stress over but to sigh and laugh at. Add in Jason Watson’s womanizing history and change of heart and you have a recipe for a zesty and flirty rom-com! Fans of the more serious romance novels will enjoy it, too, though, with it’s real life heartache and life-altering decisions. And while it’s not overly done, the sex scenes are quite hot, too!

The (Half) Truth was entertaining and delightful. I found myself staying up until 2 am, and getting up a couple hours earlier just to read before life started. I found ways to squeeze reading it into every crack of my day because I couldn't wait to find out what Tatum would get herself into next and how Jason would help her laugh it off. And I cannot suggest it enough to anyone who needs a little laughter (and spice) added to their life.

 Dani's Score out of 5: 🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾

Tumble (A Dogwood Lane #1) 

By Adriana Locke

Publication Date: February 26, 2019 Genre: Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Humor

Synopsis:

After being burned by her dream job in New York City, sports journalist Neely Kimber suddenly finds herself jobless and paying a long-overdue visit to her hometown in Tennessee. Her plan? Relax, reset, and head back up the corporate ladder. There’s just one unexpected step. Neely’s back in Dogwood Lane for barely a day when she sees the man she ran from nine years ago: the bad boy next door who was her first kiss, her first love, and her first heartbreak.

Devoted single dad Dane Madden knows he hurt Neely in the worst way. He’s got a lot to make up for. And as passionate as their reconnection is, it’s a lot to hope for. Having her back in his arms feels so right. But falling in love all over again with a woman who wants to live a world away is bound to go so wrong.

What’s it going to take for Neely to give him—and Dogwood Lane—just one more chance?

Purchase:

Amazon / B&N

Review:

Adriana' Locke’s Tumble is a cute southern romance with a lot of heart. But Neely Kimber and Dane Madden’s relationship reminded me a lot of Melanie and Jake’s relationship from Reese Witherspoon’s rom-com Sweet Home Alabama though.

While Neely and Dane aren’t husband and wife like Melanie and Jake, you still have a girl form NYC returning to her southern home and falling for her ex all over again. Granted Locke’s story involves a child, while Witherspoon’s did not, the similarities between the two stories felt too close for me to really feel like I was reading something new, and that was disappointing. What was even more disappointing for me was the fact that Tumble was so highly anticipated for the romance community, that I became very excited for it, but was let down in the end.

I won’t say that Locke’s story isn’t good, because it is. She writes extremely well and knows how to tell a story with beautiful imagery. Her characters were deeply developed, and played off of one another very well. Overall, the story of Neely and Dane is a good one, I just wish it would have been a little more unique.

 Dani's Score out of 5: 🍾🍾🍾

Good Riddance 

By Elinor Lipman

Publication Date: February 5, 2019 Genre: Women’s Fiction, Romance, Humor

Synopsis:

The delightful new romantic comedy from Elinor Lipman, in which one woman’s trash becomes another woman’s treasure, with deliriously entertaining results.

Daphne Maritch doesn't quite know what to make of the heavily annotated high school yearbook she inherits from her mother, who held this relic dear. Too dear. The late June Winter Maritch was the teacher to whom the class of '68 had dedicated its yearbook, and in turn she went on to attend every reunion, scribbling notes and observations after each one—not always charitably—and noting who overstepped boundaries of many kinds.

In a fit of decluttering (the yearbook did not, Daphne concluded, "spark joy"), she discards it when she moves to a small New York City apartment. But when it's found in the recycling bin by a busybody neighbor/documentary filmmaker, the yearbook's mysteries—not to mention her own family's—take on a whole new urgency, and Daphne finds herself entangled in a series of events both poignant and absurd. 

Good Riddance is a pitch-perfect, whip-smart new novel from an "enchanting, infinitely witty yet serious, exceptionally intelligent, wholly original, and Austen-like stylist" (Washington Post).

Goodreads

Purchase:

Amazon / B&N / BAM / Kobo / Google Play / IndieBound

Review:

Good Riddance is one of those books that I can see being turned into a movie. Mae Whitman would play the part of Daphne, the MC. Rebel Wilson, the part of crazy-neighbor, Geneva. And Lucas Till would play the role of Jeremy? I don’t know, I’m still questioning the male lead role, but the ladies I could see playing these roles as plain as day, as if the parts were written for them. And seeing how (it seems) that author Elinor Lipman is such a big fan of the TV show Riverdale, I can see why she would want to write something that would maybe, eventually make it to the screen.

SIDE RANT: On the Riverdale note, I, too, am a fan of the show. I both liked and disliked the constant mention of the show and it’s characters, but for the life of me, I couldn’t place “Timmy” at all. So, I’ll admit, I did totally IMDB the show, looking for a “Timmy” which does not exist, but please, if you can figure out who “Timmy” is referring to, because it’s totally going to annoy me until I re-watch every single episode until I find him. Then, maybe, I’ll have Jeremy’s actor nailed down! END SIDE RANT.

However, that being said, I don’t think this novel should be made into a movie in the slightest. While I did find myself LOL-ing several times while reading, I often found myself either bored or annoyed. Daphne was too whiny (not a reflection of Mae Whitman, FYI), and I found the dynamic between Daphne and Geneva, and Daphne and Jeremy to be very out there (both of which usually make a good movie.)

On top of that, the story of “the yearbook” in question never really comes completely to fruition, and I felt that someone like Geneva never would have given up as easily (whether if that is to finish what she started or to just badger Daphne about it.)

Last note to make about this book is that while it is classified as a “romance,” I have a very hard time classifying it as such myself. “Humorous Literature?” Yes. But “Romance?” Definitely not. Yes, there is a love interest/relationship, several actually, but not in the “Literature Romance” sense. So if you’re looking for that, this is not your book. If you’re looking for something to LOL to, then this one will give your your chuckles.

 Dani's Score out of 5: 🍾🍾🍾

Pair Them All With: Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc

A fresh, juicy wine with vibrant acidity and plenty of weight and length on the palate. Ripe, tropical fruit flavor with passion fruit, melon, and grapefruit. Classic Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc aromas of lifted citrus, tropical fruit, and crushed herbs. Pairs brilliantly with fresh oysters, asparagus, lobster, or summer salads, and of course these romantic reads!

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Have a book you’d like to suggest or one you’d like me to review? Please feel free to leave your comments down below.

Love Words

Genre: Love 

Words: 1931

   Let me tell you one thing, love is never easy. It’s hard work and in order for it to grow healthy and strong you need to put hours of dedication into it, doing everything you can to keep it growing, When in a relationship with a person you love you have to be willing to put that time and dedication in, if you aren't? Well, you have no business dabbling with love. You’re only going to cause pain and suffering for the person on the other side of the relationship, who does think it’s real and is willing to put in the work. If you’re that person who is messing with people’s hearts like that? I have one thing to say to you: you’re a scumbag, a filthy, stinky, disgusting, scumbag. 

    If you are one of the people willing to put the time and effort in? You are in for a lot of work, but believe me most of the time, as long as the other person is doing their share too, it works out and the results are a beautiful relationship. You can apply this to all relationships in life, sibling, mother-child, friendship, but what I’m personally talking about here is romantic love, the love between you and your significant other. Believe me if you decide to walk down that path it’s not going to be all sunshine and roses sometimes it’ll be storm clouds and carnage. Sometimes to make things work you are going to have to put in blood, sweat, and tears. If you’re working together, in the end, I promise it will all have been worth it. I know from personal experience.     Things had never been easy for me to open my heart to others. It was never easy for my mother either, I think I got from her. It hadn’t always been like that with her. It was easy for her to open up her heart and love someone wholly and unapologetically all throughout her highschool and college years, seeing as that was when she was actually dating. My mother had actually met my father in high school, and the two dated all throughout their college years, even though they were in different states. Because those two loved each other, they were willing to make the long-distance relationship work.     Once they finished up their college years my mother and father went back to the place they met, Washington state. My mother had been born and raised there and my father moved there his sophomore year of high school. When the two saw each other in person after four years, it had been a joyous occasion, even more so because my father had proposed that day. Within a year of that day they got married, in fact, the two of them got married on their anniversary of being together as an actual couple. November 3, 1956.     For the next thirteen years everything had been bliss. Sure, my mother and father had their fights, but they always made it a point to make up before turning in for the night. That was an amazing thing about their relationship that I intend to replicate. With my boyfriend, if and when we have our fights I won’t let him go to bed or leave until we’ve made up. That’s one way I’ll keep our relationship healthy, but as of right now that’s off topic.     Three years into my parent’s marriage my mother became pregnant with me, their first born and only daughter. Two years later my first younger brother came into the picture. Add another five my mother had my twin brothers. The birth of my twin brothers brings us ten years into my parent’s marriage. By then the marriage wasn’t as peaceful or pleasant as it had been when the were first married, and it seemed that the two of them forgot that a thriving relationship requires hard work from both sides. The marriage had become infected by unneeded jealousy, not fact based accusations, and blind rage. It seemed like every day the two would get into screaming matches from behind their closed door.     Three years after my twin brothers were born my parents were filing a divorce to end their thirteen year marriage. What started off in 1980 and grew stronger and kept growing had been ended thirteen years after marriage. A relationship that had lasted for twenty years they decided to end because neither of them wanted to try anymore, they didn’t want to work things out any longer.     Because of my parents’ foolish decision to just give up ruined my brothers and I. The two of them had given us a wrong impression of what love should look like by always fighting and then getting a divorce. They had given the four of us the impression that love was replaceable and that it was just fine to walk away from a relationship that could be saved. That real love didn’t really exist, that in reality it was a passing feeling. Not something that was a feeling that would stay as long as you put the work in, because if you love someone you’re going to put work and effort into them and your shared relationship.     After the divorce my father walked completely out of my life, I had only been ten. I only had understood to an extent as to what happened so when my father just disappeared from my life he left a gaping wound and hole that could never be filled, a spot where my father should have occupied. The gaping wound? Well, when he just walked out of my life, refusing all contact with his past life, with his children, he gave me trust issues. I no longer could trust that someone would stay in my life. I just assumed they’d suddenly leave. I didn’t have this issue so much with females but more with males, which is why I’m positive this stems back to him.     That’s why it’s never been easy for me to open my heart to anyone. I’ve always been so scared that they’ll just walk away that I didn’t want to risk it. Then again, who would want to risk their heart when they were so certain the other person would walk away? It just wouldn’t be logical.     It took me years to even consider letting someone in. I was in my last year of high school when I opened my heart the first time. It was to a boy named Liam, he had been in my grade. Even though our relationship didn’t last long and didn’t end on the best of terms, I’m still grateful for him and that year we spent together. If it weren’t for Liam, I would have never gained the courage to open my heart to people, even though it was still extremely difficult. Even though things didn’t end well between us, I don’t regret one moment the two of us shared. Because we had been in love, it just hadn’t been the true love I was searching for.    The second boy, although I suppose he was more of a man than boy, I dated was in his sophomore year of college while I had been in my freshman. That hadn’t lasted long, only four months, but then again there never really was any chemistry between us. The two of us just weren’t able to love each other, so we mutually decided it would be best for the both of us to move on. Look for someone else. So that’s what I did. I searched for someone else, even though I had a mostly closed heart it didn’t mean that I wanted to be alone. So I searched, and searched, and searched until I found the one. His name was and is Nolan.     Nolan and I, we were in the same year, shared an advanced math class. We were in a class of fifty and the only reason we ever officially met was because of our professor. Our professor had come up with a math project in which we had to have a partner, assigned partners, that I had found stupid at the time. Now though, I am glad that we had it, if we didn’t Nolan and I would have never been assigned as partners and we probably would have never met.     After we had handed in our assignment, Nolan had asked me out on a date. At first I was hesitant and unsure, after all, I had been so hurt by others that I didn’t want to bother let him into my heart. Yet, when I looked up into his hazel eyes that were so hopeful, I wasn’t able to bring myself to say no. When I had told him yes and his eyes lit up like a puppy I had know two things: I had made the right choice and whether I liked it or not I was slowly falling in love with him.     Nolan and I, we stayed together all throughout college and are still together to this day. On this day the two of us will have been together exactly eleven years. Do you know what’s crazy? Most marriages end in divorce within the first ten years and forty to fifty percent of marriages in the US end in divorce. We aren’t even married, and we’ve managed to last longer than most marriages. Nolan proposed to me on December 31, 2016, New Year’s Eve. It is now official that no upcoming New Year’s Eve surprise can top that year.     I’ll be honest looking back on my life, I never would have expected to be getting married as late as thirty-five, then again, I haven’t been ready to get married until now. Nolan was kind to me in that aspect, even though he had wanted to marry me within the first five years of dating he respected the fact that I wasn't emotionally ready or healed enough to be married. So, he waited, even when it was hard as he saw his friends get married and have children of their own. I’ll always be grateful to him for that.     All of that brings us here to today, my wedding day. October 31, 2018. You're probably wondering why I choose October 31, Halloween day. Well, you see, Halloween has always been my favorite day of the year. Strange, I know, but that's just how it is.     Seeing that my father is no longer in my life, my uncle but not actually my uncle Peter walked me down the aisle. I had been worried he would say no, taking into consideration the fact that we haven't seen one another for years. Everything so far has gone according to plan, even with all the surprises, like my hair stylist giving me a different hairdo than what I asked. I still look amazing though and like what she did even better than what I'd originally wanted. Even with all the surprises though I wasn’t surprised when Nolan started crying, he always had been sensitive. Although I was a tiny bit surprised and flattered when he started crying because of how beautiful he thought I looked. That’s something that happens in stories, not the real world, but there he was crying because he was so filled with love and thought I was the most beautiful person on the planet. “Bailey Jackson, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do.” “Nolan Peters, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” “I do.” “Then you may kiss the bride.”