#and fourteen has had so much growth i feel like they both deserve it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

firelxdykatara · 3 years

Note

Katara x Aang :3c

are you trying to get me in trouble

-cough-

no but in all honesty, my genuine feelings about kataang boil down to three major points: 1. it's boring, and does not jive thematically with either of their character arcs, to the point of, 2. actively hampering character development on both sides, and 3. katara deserved better.

points expanded under the cut. (please, if you're a kataang shipper and you see this, just keep scrolling. i've tagged it appropriately and put the bulk under a cut and at this point that's literally all i can do lmfao.)

send me a ship and get my (brutally) honest opinion!

1. It's Boring: This is the most subjective point on the list (I mean, in fairness, it's all subjective, but I have evidence from the show and post-canonical materials to support my other points; this one is just preference), but there's just... nothing to kataang. It's cute (when it's not actively aggravating), and... that's about it. It's not even that I dislike friends-to-lovers as a shipping trope (though it's not my overall preference), because there are a lot of friends-to-lovers couples that I do ship (kanej comes to mind, also will/elizabeth from potc, karolsen from supergirl, romione and hinny from hp, among others), but one thing that I think all of those couples have that kataang doesn't is that both sides of the pairing are teens or adults when they get together, with teen/adult dynamics and issues and stories to deal with, rather than one half being a teenager and the other being literally prepubescent.

And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with age gap ships in general. And as far as atla goes, Katara, at 14, has the same age difference from Zuko (16) as Aang has from her, and it's never stopped me--because both Katara and Zuko are well into puberty when they meet and I have no problem picturing them being into one another and growing together as they enter adulthood. Aang, on the other hand, is a child. And he acts like it. Which wouldn't be a problem, if the show weren't expecting me to believe he is a) ready for a romantic relationship, and b) ready for one specifically with Katara, who is not only older and far more mature but is specifically cast as his caretaker in a very maternal role for the entire show's run.

This show asks me to believe that a teenage girl well into adolescence is going to be attracted to and develop romantic feelings for a pre-adolescent child--and it asks me to believe this while showing us otherwise that Katara's type is actually older boys with fabulous hair and angsty pasts in all of her other potential romantic dalliances--and then enter into a relationship with him, all while ignoring the elephant in the room that is the fact that she was basically acting like his mother for the entire series to that point. (Something that is heavily lampshaded earlier in the very same season.) That just stretches the bounds of credulity way too far for me, especially when there's no evidence that Katara herself would get anything out of their romantic relationship.

There's nothing there for me to sink my teeth into. No delicious development, no parallels where they help each other grow, no internal conflicts that they have to work through together, nothing. Certainly no reason for me to actually believe Katara feels (or would grow to feel) anything for him other than the platonic affection of a caretaker. I can easily believe she loves him dearly, as a friend and quasi-little-brother, but I just can't see that developing naturally into romantic love--not the way it's presented in the show.

And even if they did manage to at least make the development of Katara's feelings believable, unless they changed something fundamental about the nature of their relationship, it'd still be boring, so.

2. It Actively Hampers Their Character Development--On Both Sides: I've written before (extensively lol im so sorry) about how kataang is actively detrimental to Katara and to Aang. In short (because ye gods this post is already getting long enough), Katara is narratively harmed by being shoved into a relationship that completely ignores her stated feelings--a relationship that had been presented as a one-sided puppylove crush for the vast majority of the series--and it inhibits her growth as a character in ways that become far more obvious in the comics and lok, where the very same creative forces that lead to her beginning a relationship with Aang in the first place reduce her to 'the Avatar's girl' and very little else, all the way through to the end of LoK (where she is a Healer and the Avatar's wife and, again, very little else).

As for Aang:

As to how this relationship is detrimental to Aang (other than the comics and LoK nonsense)? Just take a look at book 2, when he’s trying to learn Earthbending from Toph. Katara constantly coddles him. Much of the time, she’s afraid to be anything other than gentle and understanding with Aang--partly because of her fear that if she pushes him too far, he’ll run away. (Which he does, several times.) But sometimes, what Aang needs to grow is a sharp kick in the slats, which Toph was more than willing to provide--and which worked. Katara was great for teaching Aang to waterbend, but he needed more than that to grow as a person. And he can’t get that while he’s in a relationship with someone who will apologize for getting upset when he was very explicitly neglecting her.

In addition, it is pointed out by Guru Pathik at the end of Book 2 that one of Aang's chakras is blocked by his attachment to Katara. Aang takes this to mean (incorrectly) that he has to stop loving her in order to become fully realized as an Avatar, but this is actually part of the problem--because the issue isn't that he is in love with Katara, it's that he's possessively attached to her. He believes himself entitled to her love in return, rather than selflessly loving someone regardless of whether or not they return that affection. (This is obvious come the EIP episode, where Aang demands to know why he and Katara aren't in a relationship already--because he kissed her without asking [or even checking to see if she'd be ok with kissing him], which he phrases as mutual even though it very much was not, and he gets angry and violates her boundaries when she says that she is confused and doesn't want to think about it right then.)

It is his attachment to Katara--the need for her to return his love, the belief that she will and it is only a matter of time before he gets what he wants--that he was supposed to let go of, not his feelings for her in general. Unfortunately, while he pays lipservice to doing this (far too late for it to be useful--if he'd stayed with the Guru for five more minutes and unlocked his chakra there, that battle would've gone very differently), he almost immediately backtracks on that development come book 3, and there isn't another single whisper of Aang maybe growing up and moving past his one-sided and possessive crush and realizing that even if Katara doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't mean she loves him less or that their friendship is less important.

What really needed to happen, for Aang to grow as a person and become fully realized as an Avatar, was for him to grow up. To realize that his feelings were not of paramount importance, and that even if he was in love with Katara, he was not entitled to her love in return. He should have been able to move past his need for her to love him back, in order to get past that stumbling block, unlock his chakras, and regain the Avatar State in time to face the Firelord. But he didn't. As a result, they had to find some other way to just give him the Avatar State (a well-placed rock) and the means to defeat Ozai without killing him (the deus ex lionturtle) and his entire character arc just fell apart in the third act rather than reaching a satisfying conclusion.

3. Katara Deserved Better: This really ties into how her romantic relationship with Aang hampered her own development, but I'm still bitter enough about it that it gets its own bullet-point. And the biggest single reason I could never ship kataang--the thing that would've turned me off even if there were substance and a halfway decent storyline for them--is the fact that Aang kisses her without her consent (for the second time) in Ember Island Players, Katara gets angry at him and storms off, and then..... she walks out onto the balcony to make out with him.

With nothing to bridge that gap.

It's bad enough that a show aimed at children had a scene where the child protagonist kissed the object of his affections without her consent when she didn't want him to (made explicit by her angry reaction)--and this is absolutely an issue when the show is aimed at children and it may well be the first experience they've had with consent issues portrayed in media--but this moment is never addressed again. Katara just decides--completely off-screen--that she does love him Really and walks out to make out with him in the epilogue. There's no conversation, no apology for violating her boundaries, no discussion of why that was wrong or any indication that Aang understands what he did and why it upset her. They don't have a single one-on-one interaction between that kiss and the epilogue, and the only other time they are on screen together, Aang yells at her and storms off.

So, even leaving the comics and lok aside, Katara deserved much better from her own romantic plotline. In fact, she deserved to have one, rather than simply being the oblivious object of Aang's affections, given a couple moments where she blushes but otherwise remains completely ignorant of his feelings (she looks shocked and upset when he kisses her prior to the invasion, and then she completely forgets that even happened because she's confused as to what Aang is even talking about during EIP until he brings it up; that's not the behavior of a fourteen-year-old girl who was kissed by someone she was developing romantic feelings for), before the epilogue where it becomes clear that she figured all of that out off-screen and had feelings for him after all.

She's a main character, not a side-character written in solely to give one of the mains a love interest. She deserved a romantic plotline of her own. (She could have had one with someone else, with very few changes made to what was actually on-screen prior to the epilogue, but that's another conversation entirely.) She deserved to have her feelings considered at all important by the person she was going to be paired with in the end, rather than having him just assume she felt the same way and then get mad at her for never giving any indication of it when he'd never asked about her feelings to begin with. She deseserved agency in her own romantic narrative, and she just didn't get that with Aang.

So yeah, at the end of the day, my biggest issue with kataang is that it involved doing Katara dirty, and she's my favorite character and she deserved so much better damnit.

#atla #katara #aang salt #kataang salt #anti kataang #atla meta #katara deserved better #salt for ts #ask meme #invincibleweasel #asked

138 notes · View notes

softluci · 3 years

Text

atla hcs

i’ve been thinking about this for a minute, and i wanna do a set of headcanons for how i think the brothers (and eventually the undateables) would feel about certain avatar: the last airbender characters, or something along those lines. i actually just wanted to talk about lucifer and azula, so everything else here is a bonus. this doesn’t matter, but for what it’s worth: wherever the mc pops up, they will be gn, enjoy!

also: this kinda goes without saying, but there are most definitely spoilers in here. for which seasons? i don’t remember, i watched this show when i was nine, but proceed with caution if you have yet to watch it.

lucifer

if it’s one thing you are not gonna play with him about, it is princess azula. this man is an azula supremacist, and while he might not say those words exactly, anyone would be able to tell that’s the case if they talked to him about the show for longer than two minutes. he actually wasn’t even interested in the show until azula showed up, and he will readily admit this to anyone who inquires about it. what makes it funny is the fact that her first appearance is literally, like, ten seconds, so that means he saw her and immediately knew she was the best, which, like—real recognize real. is he projecting? am i projecting? yes, no. in that order. shut up.

he actually almost couldn’t hide how proud he was when azula almost killed aang, this man is deranged. the same way he takes her wins personally, he takes every loss of hers personally as well, so when she lost that agni kai? 🚶‍♂️

the average azula enjoyer believes azula should get a redemption arc, lucifer believes azula should simply get whatever she wants, and the difference between those two things is striking.

average azula enjoyer: i believe azula deserves to heal and redeem herself. it isn’t fair that she was left with her tyrannical, abusive father during formative years of her childhood, with no one to help her or show her what it means to be good. she cannot be blamed for the way she turned out. it especially isn’t fair that she gets no redemption for evil things she did at age fourteen, for a year, while the entire show is iroh’s redemption arc, and he was doing evil for decades—he is literally called “the dragon of the west” because of it. additionally—

lucifer morningstar, resident azula supremacist: everything azula did, she was right to do, because i would’ve done the same. there was never a point at which she was wrong, it’s just unfortunate that nobody could keep up with her, her father included. the only reason why she ended up losing, ultimately, is because this is a children’s show, and good is supposed to win out. it was plot armor. if this were realistic, she would’ve beaten everyone—at the very least, she would’ve beaten zuko in the final agni kai, it’s just that he broke the rules and brought backup. at the time of the agni kai, she was literally the strongest firebender in the show. that’s actually the only part of this lucifer is right about, but you can’t tell him that.

if you ask him what his favorite quote in the show is, he’ll immediately say, “i can see your whole history in your eyes. you were born with nothing, so you’ve had to struggle, and connive, and claw your way to power. but true power? the divine right to rule? is something you’re born with.” and he will do it so well that it’ll give you the chills.

in actuality, his favorite quote is, “i’d really rather our family physician look after little zuzu, if you don’t mind.” it’s just that it doesn’t have the same chilling effect as the first one.

does he like any other characters? does he even care about any other characters? he has a deep fondness for sokka because he reminds him of mammon. yes, and they are katara and suki, with honorable mention to avatar kyoshi.

does he hate any characters? no, but if you mention avatar kuruk or uncle iroh to him, he might get annoyed. is mildly frustrated by aang, but has the sense to cut him some slack for being twelve and the last of his kind. never speak of ozai.

mammon

toph supremacist. frequent user of the phrase, “toph is just fucking class.” knows for a fact that toph is the best and strongest bender in the entire show, and no one has ever managed to convince him otherwise. mainly because nobody really disagrees. like, have you ever even seen toph slander?

just like lucifer with azula, he wasn’t invested in the show until toph showed up, which, once again, is funny, because technically her very first appearance is only a few seconds long, so that means he saw her for a literal second and just knew. you can’t even be mad at that, real recognize real.

no one will ever see him more proud than when he’s talking about one toph beifong. he can’t get over her raw, unbridled talent, and he really never should. if you let him (so, if you’re levi), he will spend so much time analyzing her character and every single one of her strengths, from the fact that she’s the only one who knows when azula is lying, all the way down to the fact that even though she projects a tough persona, she can still be vulnerable, AND—

not only is she strong, but her personality is simply untouchable. this girl grows on literally everyone; like, even lucifer likes her, even though he’ll die before saying it out loud.

he gets so smug whenever someone asks him who his favorite is and it’s because he knows his taste is top tier, and what makes it worse is that no one can even disagree because toph is just that good.

will never admit it, but he was shaking and crying during the scene where it looked like toph and sokka were literally gonna die. was also gonna cry when toph almost drowned. basically: he is eternally grateful to suki.

his favorite line in the entire show is, “i am the greatest earthbender in the world! don’t you two dunderheads ever forget it.” it’s just fucking class.

does he like any other characters? he sees himself in sokka, he’ll tell you that much. he also knows that satan and lucifer like sokka because of him, and he found out because he heard them talking about it. to their joint dismay, they turned to see him standing behind them, grinning like an idiot, and they couldn’t even scare him into leaving them alone when he hugged both of them at the same time because, one, they didn’t really want to, and two, they couldn’t turn off their fondness for him fast enough ^_^. did they reciprocate his hug? did they stay like that for a little bit? did lucifer kiss the tops of their heads? maybe so🤨

does he hate any characters? not really, but he doesn’t particularly like azula because she scares him and makes him sad, like lucifer and doesn’t see her appeal. once tried to make a case for why she shouldn’t have a redemption arc and felt painfully human from the way he almost died. do not mention toph’s parents to him. the name ozai should also never be on your tongue.

levi

resident sokka enjoyer and suki appreciator. do not ever call sokka dumb in front of this man unless you want a proper lecture. unlike a few of his brothers, he doesn’t like sokka just because of his similarities to mammon. he also likes sokka because he relates to him on a personal level.

levi absolutely knows what it’s like to feel inadequate and outshined by people younger than you. he absolutely knows what it’s like to feel like your competence is overlooked. while he might be unfamiliar with how it feels to strategize for a war and lose a battle, but it is one of his biggest fears and it absolutely crushed him to see sokka go through that.

on a lighter note, levi has a deep appreciation for sokka’s comedic value, despite the fact that it can overshadow his intelligence. levi would actually venture to say that he likes sokka’s funnier side because it overshadows his intelligence to the point that it throws the opposition for a loop. this is the aspect of sokka that reminds him of mammon.

it also seriously warmed his heart to see how everyone missed sokka while he was away for sword training; he especially liked that episode because it was just an affirmation of the fact that sokka is an integral part of team avatar, which he really needed to see.

you know who else is an integral part of team avatar who needs to be recognized as such more often? suki. do you know how much pain levi is in every time he thinks about the lack of suki screentime . it’s a lot . suki is just too good for the amount of screentime she has, he’s sorry, but it’s true. this is evidenced by the scene of her literally running across prisoners’ heads to apprehend the warden of boiling rock. that scene speaks for itself—she and the other kyoshi warriors end up as zuko’s body guards for a reason.

he will never let anyone forget that if it weren’t for suki, sokka would still be a misogynist. she was an essential element to sokka’s growth as a character and everyone had better remember it or so help him. also , he is a firm believer in the fact that suki was the best love interest for sokka, with zuko as a close second. don’t ask questions. rip yue but argue with the wall.

his favorite line in the series?

“zuko’s gone crazy! i made a sand sculpture of suki, and he destroyed it! oh, and he’s attacking aang.”

it’s not profound or cool or anything like that, but it makes him smile and giggle every time he thinks of it ^_^.

does he like any other characters? he has a lot of love for toph and azula for the sole fact that the series improved exponentially after both of their introductions; he thinks both of them are in leagues of their own and seeing them in action just puts a smile on his face. he’s also inexplicably fond of king bumi.

does he hate any characters? not particularly, actually! he pretty much respects and appreciates everyone, except the guy who mutilated his thirteen year old son for speaking out of turn.

satan

just pick a girl. any girl. and from the way he talks about them, you’ll think they’re his favorite. he can and will go on about the girls of atla for the rest of eternity.

but since we’re being specific:

katara appreciator. azula enjoyer. basically, between him and lucifer, no tongue raised against azula shall prosper. he has a deep respect for each of their wraths. he also really must have a thing for angst because both of these characters just break his heart.

if you let him (in other words, if you’re levi), he will go on about how it’s not fair that people call katara annoying when, in reality, she just hasn’t healed from the trauma of seeing her mother’s corpse at age eight, followed by having to take care of her village, meaning she got literally no time to grieve properly, and—

call katara annoying in front of him and you might actually have to meet god for your shallow views of such a deep, complex character.

he will also go on and on about how katara would be the best bender in the show, if it weren’t for toph, who is untouchable. instead, he’ll talk about how katara almost killed pakku for being misogynistic and how she single handedly beat azula during sozin’s comet. you will frequently hear this man say, “katara aang’s master for a reason,” and he’s right.

similar to if you call katara annoying, if you call azula scary in front of satan, he’s bullying you. he’s sorry, but it has to happen. no way you’re scared of a traumatized fourteen year old, what are you, eight? or do you have no understanding of azula’s depth? both are unacceptable.

satan is the average azula enjoyer, times about seven. you simply won’t get away with speaking poorly of azula in front of this man, so if you’re like mammon and don’t like her, you better tread very carefully.

one time mammon tried to be like, “azula is too far gone to deserve redemption anyways,” and satan literally reverted to his demon form as he said: “if i were abandoned with my terrible father as a child, with literally no one to help me, and then my friends betrayed me, and then, as i was about to be crowned ruler of my country, my dumb fucking idiot brother showed up with his dumb peasant friend for backup, which isn’t even allowed, i might be mad forever too, actually—” and then he threw the nearest chair at mammon for his criminally bad take.

another reason why satan loves azula so much is because he’s convinced she’s a lesbian and satan is the most “let’s go lesbians!!!” person you will ever meet. you actually can’t convince him that she isn’t a lesbian. forget chan. nobody gives a fuck about chan.

what’s his favorite line in the entire series?

“trust me, zuko—it’s not going to be much of a match.”

like, come on. katara is just too good.

does he like any other characters (other than the girls of atla)? he’ll never admit it, but he has a lot of respect for sokka and a soft spot for him because he reminds him of mammon. he also has a lot of respect for aang because he reminds him of beel of how well he handled literally everything despite being twelve.

does he hate any—yes. never speak of avatar roku. or iroh. or ozai. for good measure, don’t mention general zhao either.

asmo

what lucifer is to azula, asmo is to ty lee. like do i even have to say anything else. but for what it’s worth, he also love, love, loves azula because she reminds him of lucifer, from her strength and class, all the way down to her descent into madness. and even though she breaks his heart just as much as she does satan’s. he may or may not have cried over azula in satan’s room while they were talking about her. unlike lucifer and satan, he can respect it if you don’t like her, but it’ll make him so sad.

but enough about azula. ty lee is where it’s at for him. her subtle strength and unwavering love is something to die for, and he will defend it against anyone, up to and including lucifer, and he’ll win too. asmo is not to be trifled with and neither is ty lee; he can make a strong argument as to why ty lee is the strongest character in the show, and you will have a very hard time trying to refute his points. (the main point being: it’ll be really hard to win a fight against someone who can paralyze you in a few seconds, bender or not.)

the fact that ty lee ran away from home because she was tired of the fact that nobody ever saw her as her own person is just something that tugs at asmo’s heartstrings. he thinks ty lee’s bravery is just something that can be so personal.

also—he has a massive appreciation for the fact that, even though there’s a war going on and ty lee is in near-constant danger, she still has the sense to maintain her appearance and worry about the skincare of not just herself, but also people she’s close to. that is a detail he will never let anyone forget.

never mentions it in front of lucifer but one of his favorite scenes is when she paralyzes azula to save mai. once again: ty lee’s bravery is just something that can be so personal.

he doesn’t have a favorite line in the series, but his favorite exchange of dialogue is between ty lee and azula, wherein ty lee is trying to teach azula how to flirt. he thinks it’s the cutest thing in the world.

does he like any other characters? of course! he likes everyone ^_^ . you’d actually be hard pressed to find someone he hates. ozai. it’s ozai. he has a real soft spot for mai because she reminds him of belphie. something about their shared aversion to affection is just so cute to him!

beel

aang supremacist, will hold steadfast to the fact that aang is the best character in the show and you will struggle to figure out how to convince him otherwise.

if you ask him why aang is his favorite, the first thing he will do is gesture to a picture of him and say, “look at the material,” like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, before diving into a ten minute in depth character analysis for this boy.

come on. he shouldn’t even have to explain himself. not only is aang one of the strongest, most competent avatars to exist, ever, he also mastered all four elements in a year, when he was twelve—he’s literally a different breed. and he managed to beat ozai in his own way, without killing him, as a means of staying true to a culture that could have literally died with him at any point in the show. aang is just fucking class.

he also admires aang for his near unwavering kindness and lighthearted nature. and for never going berserk and killing everyone he sees, especially after finding out his people were killed while he was in ice.

you have no idea how much pain beel was in when he found out that the air nomads were just gone. seeing a child find out that not only their family is gone, but also the entirety of their people and culture, just absolutely broke his heart. and that guilt aang was feeling? hit way too close to home for him.

he also thinks it’s really nice that aang was so quick to forgive zuko after everything, and the two of them ended up being really good friends. it just puts a smile on his face.

after some reflection with levi, he would’ve liked to see the full scope of an airbender’s power in the series; as in, he would’ve liked to see someone suffocated, but it’s okay, because aang wasn’t like that. and he heard it happens in the next series over.

anyway, beel’s favorite quote in the show...well, it isn’t really a quote, as much as it’s a dialogue between two characters. it’s the scene where toph asks, “do you really think friendships can last more than one lifetime?” and aang says, “i don’t see why not.” it could bring a tears to his eyes just thinking about it; and in the next series over when it’s proven to be true, he absolutely cried.

does he like any other characters? he’s actually really fond of zuko and mai because they both remind him of belphie. he also likes sokka for the same reason lucifer and satan like sokka. he has a deep appreciation for katara because aang would literally be dead without if it weren’t for her.

does he hate any characters? well, he doesn’t really like azula. he feels bad for her, but he doesn’t like her. but as for who he hates? take a wild guess.

belphie

zuko makes him sob is his number one. yes zuko is his favorite because of his redemption arc, yes he sees himself in zuko, no he will not explain any further than that, what’s your point🤨

in actuality, he will never be able to properly articulate how important it is for him to see that redemption is, indeed, attainable, if you put the work in. in a similar vein, he will also never be able to give words to how important it is for him to see that forgiveness is also attainable. it means the world to him. that is why it makes him cry. the feeling is overwhelming. i’m gonna cry if i think about it for too long.

he will cling to the fact that zuko is the best character in the show, and he will cling to it even when zuko embarrasses him by saying stupid shit like, “no lightning today?” and even when zuko is so awkward it causes him physical pain. that’s his number one and he’s not changing on it!

firm zukka supporter. will not argue. that’s all.

what’s his favorite line in the entire series? it’s one of the two you’re thinking of. make that decision for yourself.

does he like any other characters? he positively adores aang and will readily admit that it’s because he reminds him of beel. bonus points for aang because he also loves the dynamic between him and zuko. toph is a distant third, mainly because he just really likes her attitude. he looks at her and thinks, now this is someone who would not hesitate to kick lucifer’s ass.

does he hate any characters? you better believe it. he hates iroh because he reminds him of dia. he can’t really bring himself to like azula because she makes him a different kind of sad. and if you know what’s good for you, you will never mention ozai.

#can you tell i am also an azula enjoyer #doesn't matter because i'm correct but still #worth mentioning i suppose #obey me #obey me!#obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor

76 notes · View notes

uchihasakurawrites · 3 years

Text

Until Next Time

Rating: T

Summary: When ghosts from the war come back to haunt Sakura, Sasuke's there to try his hand at warding them off. A story of comfort, growth, and realization. (Blank Period)

Word Count: 3,777

A/N: Long time, no see everyone! Thank you for your patience as I’ve worked through some writer’s block the past few months. I know many of you are waiting on the next chapter for A Lesson in Practicality, but I hope you’ll still enjoy this piece. Please let me know your thoughts if you have the time! Otherwise, thank you for taking some time to read my work. ^_^

Warning: This story contains depictions of panic attacks, PTSD flashbacks, and some alcohol abuse. Nothing too dark in here since it's mainly a comfort fic, but please be cautious if any of these topics are triggering for you.

Cross posted on Ao3 and Fanfiction.net

____________________________________

Her day begins and ends the same way every other day the past year seemed to - with Sakura walking into the hospital with a confident spring to her step and a brightness in her eyes and dragging herself out (on the rare day she had the energy to pry herself from her desk) with antiseptic or blood or a mix of the two staining her hands and the lab coat she'd forgotten to peel off.

Tonight, Sakura consciously decides not to make the effort to drag herself out of the hospital. Leaving means she'll be roped into the birthday party Ino's been planning for Sai for months, and she doesn't quite have the energy to even shower, let alone paste a convincing smile on her lips.

She spares a glance at the old clock posted right above the chalkboard in her office as she shuffles in and locks the door behind her.

8:00PM.

Fourteen hours since Naruto shook her awake and thrust her straight into a day from hell.

It's still a little too early for anyone to come looking for her yet. Naruto will notice that she's not at the bar right when he arrives, but Hinata will patiently remind him of the shitshow that was today and reason that Sakura's still probably dealing with the aftermath. (In much less colorful terms, of course; Sakura's only heard her friend curse a handful of times, none of which were in front of Naruto.) That'll buy her about an hour before Ino starts making a fuss and sends Sai or Kiba out to Sakura's apartment.

If she's not there, they'll assume she's still at the hospital, and they won't come back until it's close to midnight. Not today. Not after seeing the hallways lined with burn victims pleading for someone to find their loved ones. Not after returning home and finding that the stench of charred skin and blood isn't so easy to wash out of their clothes.

Sakura didn't get to leave. Her role just changed from a kunoichi dispatched on a rescue mission to the de facto head of the hospital the moment she crossed the threshold.

She pulls the shades in hopes of convincing her friends that she isn't here if they do decide to come looking but stops short in front of the light switch. The migraine between her temples screams for her to turn the fluorescents off, but she doesn't trust her mind not to see death in the shadows of her office tonight.

She turns them off anyways.

It isn't until she's sitting criss-cross on her floor with her too-full bookshelf at her back and a bottle of sake in her hand that Sakura realizes her hands are trembling. A splash of sake makes its way onto her carpet instead of into her cup, and she curses because it's good sake - the expensive kind that Tsunade bought her a case of after the war and no no no.

She cuts that thought there because violent memories of the war, or rather the days immediately following the war, have been intruding into her mind all day and she just can't.

A case or so of sake should knock her and those thoughts right out (or so she hopes). Years of honing her skills as a medic nin have given her a certain resistance to toxins, including alcohol, and it's why she doesn't bother to drink most of the time; social drinking is more of a waste of money than anything else. She figures that's precisely why her mentor gave her an entire case as a gift.

It isn't until she's two bottles in and there's a buzzed lightness to her body that she realizes she's crying.

Her breath seems to come faster and faster, shallower and shallower, and she wonders if the buzz and creeping, cold numbness in her fingers is because of the alcohol or the lack of oxygen. She's shivering, muscles tensed to the point of pain, but she blames it on the chill of the hospital.

Another glass will knock the cold right out. At least, that's what Tsunade used to say when she drank away the ghosts that forced themselves a little too close to the front of her mind.

It's a few glasses later that Sakura starts seeing the eyes of the dead staring back at her from the shadows at the edges of her office. She's back on the battlefield, the same smell of burnt skin and the mournful cries of shinobi finally processing the deaths of their comrades hanging in the air. She's been healing for days, but she continues to push. The fighting may be over but there are still identities to confirm, survivors to heal, and families to be notified.

Sakura knew that death was part of her job description from her days in the Academy; protecting the interests of the village often required it. Tsunade had let her figure out that the same was true of her job as a medic on her own, when she lost her first patient at fifteen. She'd learned to put the deaths she dealt with in a neat little box which she deadbolted and tossed on a shelf in the deepest recess of her mind she could find.

But death was a uniquely stubborn bastard that didn't always like to stay in that box.

She'd been awake for the full three days the war had drawn on, but the medical corps was tasked with the brunt of combing through the miles upon miles of dead shinobi for another forty-eight hours or so. They'd had help, but medics were the ones needed throughout to organize, heal, or in the worst possible cases (which Sakura and Shizune handled) show mercy to the shinobi who were alive but long past the point of saving.

Sakura nearly vomits and washes the bile down with more sake. One glass. Another.

The quiet tears have turned into sobs that scratch at her throat and squeeze her lungs. Her nails cut thin crescent moons into her forearms, and her shoulders hunch as if she can ward off the prying eyes. Sakura barely has the presence of mind to activate the silencing seal in her office - the one she keeps on hand when discussing particularly sensitive cases - before her sobs grow into half screams. She can't get enough air to manage much more than a hoarse cry, but if she can just drink fast enough, it shouldn't matter.

And so she cracks open another bottle and brings it directly to her lips, trying to focus on the burn of the alcohol on her throat and Naruto's bright smile reassuring her that everything would be fine when he first found her clutching a bottle of sake in the corner of her disaster of a bedroom.

What she doesn't count on is the alcohol making it increasingly difficult to distinguish reality from the memories that have escaped from her mind and seared themselves into the darkness around her. They become more real, more tangible, until she swears she can hear the fresh widow of a shinobi from Cloud shouting about how Sakura hadn't done enough. Another voice joins until there's a chorus telling her exactly what she feared most:

There shouldn't have been so many casualties. She should have been able to do more.

She was weak.

Her tears stop for a moment when she looks up and sees Sasuke standing in the doorway. For a fraction of a second, she almost feels relieved and tries to move to go to him, but she's reminded none of this is real, and she can't be sure which Sasuke this is. Given her current state of mind, it's probably the one who haunted her nightmares for months after the bridge and still longer after his genjutsu in the war. She takes a swig from the bottle she clenches in her fist and curls back into herself.

Sasuke's repeated calls of her name fall on deaf ears.

For his part, Sasuke is at a loss. He's never seen Sakura like this (and he'd witnessed her tears firsthand on many occasions as genin). Sure, she's always worn her heart on her sleeve and been far too open with her emotions by standard shinobi rules, but she has never seemed so broken.

Looking at the scratch marks that trail down her forearms and the far too many empty bottles of sake for someone of her stature littered on the carpet, Sasuke realizes he doesn't know this woman - and in retrospect, he never should have assumed otherwise.

From her confessions both during the war and when he made the decision to leave her behind yet again, Sasuke knows she's still fiercely loyal and has a light bright enough to forgive and heal anything it touches without her needing to make the conscious choice to do so. Her skills as a shinobi have grown to the point that she could give him a challenge if they were to spar, and he's seen her heal an entire battlefield for days on end while still fighting on the front lines.

She's become more than worthy of the title of the "New Sannin," as the original Team 7 has now been christened, and she still loves him (unreasonably so in his opinion, but he's come to realize that maybe he doesn't want her to change her mind - even if he thinks it would be better for her in the long run). But that's all he knows, and he finds himself wanting to discover more of who Sakura is now.

He has years of absence and cruel actions to make up for, and far more growth beyond that to become someone who deserves the steadfast love she's always been ready to give him.

At the moment, however, he needs to get her to let go of the liquor bottle she clutches onto like a lifeline and refocus on the present. He's been trapped by his past more times than he'll ever admit, and though he hasn't had real comfort since his mother (and Sakura, he amends), he owes it to her to at least try.

Sasuke approaches her slowly, intentionally making his footsteps heavier so that she can hear him approach. Whatever nightmare she's trapped in - he confirmed it wasn't a genjutsu the moment he broke the lock on her door after an unnerving spike in her chakra - she hasn't seemed to notice he's actually here. He bites back the guilt that surfaces at the thought that he could be part of her nightmare, but that's something they can work through later.

He crouches down in front of her, taking a firm hold of the hand that clutches the bottle to try to coax it out of her grip. She jolts at the touch, peeking hesitantly up from her knees with red-rimmed eyes and a mix of tears and sweat coating her cheeks.

"Breathe, Sakura."

Her grip loosens as she meets his eyes. He sees uncertainty waver in her gaze as she hiccups in a short breath, but then the panic snaps back down and tightens her hold on the bottle yet again.

"I- I can't."

The words are stilted, as though forcing out those two words causes her physical pain. Sasuke, however, considers it a small win as it means Sakura's decided he's real. Her breathing is still far too fast, and he knows he needs to stabilize it before she's ready to explain what's happening.

It's awkward - both because Sasuke has never done this and the fact that he hasn't completely sorted through his feelings for his teammate - but he eventually pulls Sakura far enough away from the bookcase that he can shuffle in behind her. He secures his legs around her sides and arranges Sakura so that her back rests on his chest.

It's almost annoying just how snugly Sakura fits against him, her head tucked just below his chin. A part of his mind notes how her curves seem to melt into his frame only to be ruthlessly shoved down. There are priorities, and noting how the boyish (yet annoyingly charming) Sakura has clearly blossomed into a young woman is not one of them.

Where the Sakura from his memories smelled of strawberries and artificial sweetness, the woman in his arms tonight seems as though she's been doused in a pungent blend of antiseptic and ash.

"Breathe, Sakura."

Sasuke repeats Sakura's name to ground her as he starts regulating his own breath: six counts in through the nose, hold, eight counts out through the mouth. He's sure to exaggerate his breaths a bit so Sakura can feel the movement against her back. Hesitantly, his hand comes up to trail over the marks on her forearm. His hands have always been cold, so he figures the one he has left might be able to relieve some of the sting from her nails.

He makes a mental note to pick up some basic medical ninjutsu and doesn't bother to pretend it's just for field injuries.

It takes about ten minutes for Sakura's breathing to return mostly to normal. It still stutters every now and then, but she's matching Sasuke almost breath for breath. She doesn't move away from him, and Sasuke doesn't move to shift her.

As they sit in silence, save for their own breathing, Sasuke realizes he's put himself in a position where he needs to actually start the conversation. There's no bright chatter, no smile to coax him into talking. Again, he's at a loss.

It seems this new Sakura has retained a talent for doing this to him.

Annoying woman.

"Tell me about it."

Sakura immediately shakes her head, breath trembling yet again. Sasuke sighs and guesses he should have known she wasn't going to make this easy for him. He can't blame her. If someone asked him to do the same, he would have told them to fuck off.

"Sakura."

She turns to him with a dangerous look in her eyes, a cold jade that threatens to cut him if he pushes too far. Sasuke's always been the best at serving the very same look, but it's unnerving to see it etched into Sakura's soft features.

"Dammit, Sakura. Just talk to me."

Her gaze grows warmer, but not in the way he wants. She's angry, and Sasuke isn't really sure how he could have pissed her off in just six words. Sakura being Sakura, she of course makes the reason for her anger clear immediately.

"And why the hell do I need to do that, Sasuke?"

Sasuke nearly winces at the dropped suffix on his name and tries to remember how his mother handled it when he refused to confide in her.

"You haven't been here" - even Sakura knows this is unfair as she says it, but the confusion, grief, and alcohol clouding her mind make it difficult to acknowledge how much the man she loves has grown to be able to offer this to her- "and you never told me anything when I asked you to. So fuck off, Sasuke-kun. I'm sure Naruto's expecting you."

Naruto most definitely wasn't, but Sasuke doesn't see the value in pointing that particular fact out. By the time he got to the village and was promptly dragged into the bar he had made the mistake of walking past on his way to the Hokage Tower, the idiot was already drunk off his ass. Ino was as well, so Hinata asked Sasuke if he would mind going to check on Sakura at the hospital since she and Sai needed to stay to take care of their significant others.

Sakura finally moves to get up, tipping over a half-full bottle of sake in her efforts, but Sasuke can still see the tremors in her hands and the familiar strain of a jaw clenched against tears. Her eyes still dart towards the corners of the room.

Sasuke's well aware of the ghosts that can haunt those shadows and resolves to help Sakura put hers to rest, even if it's just for the night. His legs tighten around Sakura before she can fully pull away from him, and she falls back against his chest with a huff and a glare that's more tired than venomous.

Sasuke sighs and lowers his head. His bangs cover his eyes as he decides to voice at least part of the feelings he's managed to process regarding Sakura. He's not sure exactly how to categorize how he feels about her yet (mostly because his mind still can't comprehend why someone so bright has loved him through so much darkness), but he wants to help and that's about all he can offer her at the moment.

She deserves more, so much more, but he hopes it's enough for now.

"I'm here, Sakura."

He wants to add that he's not going anywhere because someone who will stay is only a fraction of what Sakura deserves, but that's not a promise he can make.

He feels Sakura's surprise as she stiffens against him, and her breath stops altogether for a few worrying moments. Sasuke wills himself to stay relaxed at her back, still maintaining a steady breathing pace should she need the rhythm again.

Sakura's thoughts are a whirlwind that she tries to grab ahold of but slips right through her fingers. She's torn, half of her mind shattered glass that urges her to open up and share even a part of her pain so that she can just stop breaking. Sasuke's here, showing his own vulnerability (however slight) in hopes that she'll trust him enough to do the same, and she's not sure when she'll experience this side of him again.

The other half, near-solid stone with only spiderweb cracks, whispers that voicing the memories that haunt her will only confirm her weakness in Sasuke's eyes. Instead of seeing the warrior who destroyed the ground and healed thousands in the war, he'll see the wisp of a girl who had trailed behind him as a genin.

It's the gentle, unconscious stroke of Sasuke's thumb across her forearm that makes her decision. Sasuke can sense the shift in Sakura as her head drops back onto his shoulder and her eyes squeeze shut. She's tired, so tired.

"I killed them."

Her voice breaks in the middle, and Sakura hisses out a quiet dammit at her traitorous voice. Sasuke's hand tightens where it rests on her arm.

He's quiet for a moment. Outside of discussing strategy or the details of a mission, talking isn't something Sasuke has much practice in. That, and his plan may have ended at getting Sakura to calm down enough to breathe properly.

He spends another minute in silence, growing increasingly frustrated with his inability to find the words he needs to comfort the woman who has always known exactly what he needed to hear. Sakura, however, doesn't seem to mind the silence as she relaxes against him. Green eyes crack open, and though they're still muddled with pain, he sees a steady glimmer of trust and contentment behind them that immediately quells his frustration.

The open trust in Sakura's gaze reminds Sasuke that she's never expected him to be anyone other than himself. She's always been patient, meeting him more than halfway as he seemed to take one step towards her and two or three back.

He suspects it's the same now, as there's no expectation in her eyes, no tension in her body that suggests she's irritated by his silence. So instead of pushing himself to think of the correct words to fill the empty space, Sasuke pulls her more firmly against his chest and shifts her so his chin rests lightly atop her head.

It's more affection than he's ever shown, and it's far from comfortable for him, but Sasuke knows that Sakura's worth a bit of discomfort.

Just as Sakura has spent so many years steadfastly waiting for him to come to her, he settles in to wait for her to tell him - whether that time comes tonight or later down the line.

That time doesn't come tonight. Though she trusts Sasuke with her life, Sakura can't quite break through the insecurity that he'll find her weak the moment she says anything more. Maybe it's not a fair assumption to make, but most of her memories of them together on the battlefield ended in Sakura being treated as fragile - something to be left behind and protected.

Even if they made progress during the war, Sakura's not quite ready to test the durability of the picture of strength she painted as she threw herself at Madara or took on a goddess at her team's side.

Instead, she's happy to just let his presence ward off the shadows in her mind. The voices are silent at his touch, so she decides to just enjoy the rest and wrestle with them when they inevitably come back after Sasuke's gone again.

Sasuke feels Sakura's breathing even out and watches her eyes flutter closed as she falls asleep against him. It's an interesting thing, having someone trust you so fully that they're willing to be at their most unguarded.

And he's done nothing to deserve it. He knows this, and it merely strengthens his resolve to continue his journey of atonement so that he can become someone who's at least a fraction deserving of Sakura and all that she's willing to offer him.

As he maneuvers himself out from behind Sakura and shifts her onto his back, Sasuke realizes with a tinge of bitterness that this is something he could have every day - Sakura's presence and everything bright and loving that entails. But as much as he wants to be there when she wakes up and finally say yes to taking her with him, he's not quite ready for that step.

There's more growth to be had, more relationships to mend, more emotions for him to reconcile within himself. While he knows having Sakura by his side would expedite the process of mending bridges and healing his own wounds, she needs to keep some of her light for herself.

When he leaves this time, it's out of consideration not just for himself, but for both of them. He can just make out the time when he asks Sakura to join him on his journey in the near future, but it's not now. They both have steps they need to take before they're ready.

He leaves Sakura tucked under the nest of far too many blankets she's always stubbornly kept haphazardly strewn across her bed, with a simple note on her nightstand:

Next time, Sakura.

#sasusaku #sasusaku fanfic #sasusaku blank period #blank period #naruto fanfiction #hurt/comfort #sasusaku fanfiction #sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno #romance

96 notes · View notes

nat-the-cat-123 · 3 years

Text

(this will be a VERY long post)

✨Time to criticize Yashahime ✨

First of all:

I will only criticize the writing aspects, so don't expect me to say anything about the animation since I barely know about that stuff

Because of this I also won't address anything of Sessrin or the discontent because of Moroha's and Inukag's separation because that's more of a fandom thing

And this is only the opinion of someone who isn't any kind of expert in writing or something like that

Uff, Yashahime finally ended and it was... Interesting.

So let's criticize it :)

So first of all let's tell the ✨the good things✨ because even if there are more bad things, infact there are very little good things, we have to give credit where credit is due.

Good things :D

The girls' originality

Something that I saw other fandoms have complained in their own "next generation sequel" (like in boruto) is that the kids were just a "copy paste" of their parents, and when Yashahime was just announced I saw the same concerns (specially with Setsuna and Moroha)

But in the end I think any of them ended up being just female Inuyasha/Sesshomaru, and all were able to be their very own character.

Half of their relationship

Ok, I'm specifying that only half because sometimes the twins would be a little unfair with Moroha, but then be her "new family"(?), But then they proceed to leave her behind, and then AGAIN being like bff's so there is no consistency.

But in the first episodes Sunrise got it right and we could see a pretty good and functional dynamic between the 3 that was consistent and made sense.

Each one had a defined role that worked, Towa was the "moral" one, Setsuna the "cold" one who took more drastic decisions, and Moroha intervenes mediating both and brings information that may help please both sides. (At the beginning)

Moroha

I'M SORRY, I'm sorry, I can't help it, it's just that she has so much charm and is so lovely and innocent. And you can totally ignore the fact that she's InuKag's daughter and still love her just because her personality brings so much to the story.

It's such a shame that they didn't really use all her potential but I'll get to that later.

Aaaand that's all ;-;

Now let's go to the interesting part...

The bad things D:<

Towa

This point I actually want to explore it further in another post, because there's a lot I want to talk about her to specify what exactly went wrong and how I would have managed her but here I will leave it simple.

Towa in any way possible wasn't properly used, and even if almost every character suffered of bad writing, she was the most affected one.

She honestly isn't interesting, everything that could have been done with her according to her backstory was completely wasted, because even if she was the one with the least tragic story, there was a lot to work with (I mean, just look at Kagome's case and still most of the fandom loved her)

She kept changing her personality and ideology according to what the story needed, and at some point her only trait was "Setsuna's protective older sister"

And don't even get me started with how overpowered she is without any kind of training (I get she knows how to fight with bullies, but clearly that isn't the same as fighting demons with demonic energy)

Phasing

When people argue if the phasing is too fast or too slow, I think it's both, but in the worst way possible.

They waste so much time in scenes that aren't really that necessary or could be much shorter, and rush at incredible speed things that should actually be worked slowly and carefully.

The fights

I only can remember two or three that I actually liked because most of them were just exchanging hits with the sword, sometimes an special movement and that's all.

Half of the battles didn't affect the story in the least, and the worst of all was how the villains were defeated wether because they were lame as fuck or because Towa's random power up appeared out of nowhere.

Meanwhile in Inuyasha even if we didn't always had the best fights of all anime, we did get some pretty interesting choreographies and some villains really had an impact on the characters in a natural way.

Talking about villains...

Naraku is laughing from his grave

You know? I'm not a Naraku fan, but he was a bastard that you loved to hate, he maybe wasn't the most powerful character when we talk purely about his strength, but he was intelligent as fuck, he was always one step ahead, he had some pretty interesting abilities and plans, with him he brought other AMAZING villains (or anti heroes) like Kagura, Kanna, Hakudoshi, the weird baby, or even Sesshomaru back at the beginning, and the best part was how he was written being a complex character (like when he struggled with his human feelings for Kikyo)

But on the other hand we have Kirinmaru, Zero, the four losers (I mean, perils), probably my boy Riku, and who knows what other random villains.

First of all, ONLY RIKU would be a good villain (maybe I should have put him in the good things ;-;)

But then we have the four perils who, out of them the only one who seemed to know what he was doing was the green guy that did weird witchcraft, but the rest? They are just randomly bothering people because they have nothing else to do and honestly they didn't seem to be that powerful.

I'm not sure about Kirinmaru because I don't see anything clear with him, I mean, I'm not even sure if he's a villain.

And Zero... *Sighs*

I don't get what the hell she's trying to do. Anything that she does makes sense. She's just alive because of Riku, without him she can't do anything.

Like seriously, half of the world was after Naraku's ass, even his allies, and still he could get away with it. Zero can't even get her army in order to take care of 3 fourteen years old girls.

(Sorry for letting myself go with this one ;-;)

Not using half of your characters

I guess the best example is Moroha because even with an interesting backstory, mysterious abilities, and most of the fandom's love, they just used her as comedic relief for most of the series instead of developing her character or explaining better her spiritual abilities or Beniyasha.

And not only her, Hisui and the rest of the demon slayers were more of a background character. For example, in Hisui's episode we should have gotten to meet him, Gyokuto, and Kin'u better, but they preferred to focus in the twins AGAIN and not work the MirSan family. (Guys, first season and I still can't tell Hisui's definitive personality)

Same Takechiyo, Kyubi, Yawaragi, Kohaku, the villains, some past characters, sometimes even Riku. Basically every character who isn't Towa and Setsuna are walking tools for them to use whenever the plot needs it.

And no, I'm not saying "The twins shouldn't be the protagonists", a I'm saying "SIDE CHARACTERS AREN'T JUST PLOT DEVICES, THEY ALSO DESERVE DEFINED PERSONALITIES AND CHARACTER ARCS TO MAKE THE WORLD RICHER, OTHERWISE IT FEELS LIKE THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND THE PROTAGONISTS"

Inuyasha knew when and how to dedicate an episode to a character, Yashahime doesn't.

Lack of character development

No one, except for Setsuna who is learning to rely and trust more on the girls, has any kind of development (sorry Moroha (･ัω･ั)).

I see Towa exactly the same as in the first episode, and because of how they've barely put attention to Moroha, she has barely shown any growth as well.

And I guess Hisui learnt how to trust his dad, but again, I can barely tell which is his personality, and the rest are background characters.

Powers / Abilities / Weapons

Here they neither explained ANY of the characters abilities properly or made them more powerful making sense.

Towa, just randomly learnt how to concentrate her demon energy in a sword and just keeps getting new abilities without training, and any of them seem to have any effect on Towa like (idk) having the risk of running out of energy. And at the beginning I liked how she struggled with her other demon abilities like smelling things but then they just forgot ;-;.

Setsuna's stick just produces wind and lasers without explanation, and her sealed power doesn't really work naturally.

And Moroha... EXPLAIN BENIYASHA BETTER. SAME FOR THE SPIRITUAL POWERS, that was supposed to be impossible!!! And again they recognized that at the very beginning, why did they forgot about it later???

There barely has been any "world" expansion

Something that Inuyasha never really got into was the "demon society", because with the exception of some tribes they never mentioned anything related to that BUT...

With that thing of Inu no Taisho and Kirinmaru apparently being "royalty" I thought they would talk more about that "Demon hierarchy" or if "Setsuna's courage trial" was something like a demon tradition (damn, that was honestly pretty interesting) but NO.

The topic has been barely mentioned and let's keep saying over and over again what the audience already knows for 24 episodes.

Weird Exposition

The way they threw information at us was pretty weird, like it didn't feel "organic" because instead of the girls getting into whatever situation where "x" character tells them certain things because it is related to what is happening, again, they chose pretty weird ways.

There were like 1,000 different options to tell us what happened to InuKag and Sesshomaru and all of them, like the girls talking with Myoga or Kaede...

BUT THEY CHOSE TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL.

Comedy

I'm not saying Moroha is a bad comedy relief, she actually came with many good jokes, but you can't leave only ONE character to take care of the comedy. Towa and Setsuna also came with some good funny moments, so why would they only reduce the comedy to Moroha????

(In Inuyasha EVERYONE gave amazing comedy moments, even Sesshomaru)

And the worst part is that they only use the same joke with her most of the time! Losing her bounty and being poor.

"Atmosphere" (?)

I Promise I don't want to sound pretentious with this one ;-;

Those scenes where we were supposed to feel sad because of someone's death, intimidated because Kirinmaru appeared or excited because of a fight didn't work out.

I don't know exactly why but I think that it is because of a combination of lazy animation, bad selection of soundtrack, weird dialogue and the characters' lack of reaction.

So now that I think I've said all the points that they got wrong, let's get to the conclusion.

They stablished side plots or mysteries everywhere and didn't really do anything with them.

The girls never advanced with the story, they just kept running in circles around the same point during 24 episodes. (And no matter how long or short a story is, you can NEVER do that or you'll lose the audience's attention).

And with or without a second season, they made terrible mistakes that won't be able to be fixed. If it is only one season, TERRIBLE, they left way to much things uncovered, and if they plan another season, ALSO TERRIBLE, they rushed essential things and if they work them again they'll repeat one of their biggest mistakes.

And honestly I really tried to love this sequel, almost up to episode 12 I really tried to appreciate the small good things but they just kept slapping me with disappointment every single episode, and if they release a second season, I'll watch it but this time only expecting the worst of it.

In resume, yo can only truly enjoy Yashahime if you completely turn off your critical sense, and expecting nothing from it, otherwise you'll only keep asking yourself "why?"

#inuyasha #hanyou no yashahime #moroha #hanyo no yashahime #setsuna #towa #hanyou no yashahime spoilers #sesshomaru #kagome #kirinmaru #zero #the four perils #this is a mess

42 notes · View notes

kitkatopinions · 3 years

Note

The baby boy himself, Whitley!

(for the ask meme)

Whitley is so my baby, I love my child so much. I’m realizing I say ‘I’m really excited for this one’ for like every character I get for this ask game, but it’s because I’m having so much fun! These take a bit to write, but they are honestly so interesting to me, so as an fyi, if anyone does have any character they want to ask my about, but thinks they might be too late, or I might be uninterested, I’m still totally interested! It just might take me a bit to answer. :)

My top three ships for the character

Whitley/Oscar is my top ship for this in canon currently. It works best if Ozpin could somehow be separated from Oscar (which is theoretically possible I guess,) but yeah. Farm boy vs rich boy, they look cute together, their personalities could vibe, and they’re both snarky, but at heart caring and compassionate. Whitley/Mercury. I mentioned this in my Mercury ask, but I was writing a fic with @why-i-hate-rwby-now where Whitley and Mercury were thrown together and had to work together to escape their abusers, and I just kind of started shipping them while writing it. O.O Also Whitley/Penny is cute as heck and I could totally see her grounding him and also making him loosen up, while Penny thinks he’s funny and interesting.

My three least favorite ships for the character

Whitley/Blake. I don’t understand this ship, Blake just feels like more of an adult atm compared to Whitley - a literal child. (Yes, I realize I ship Whit with Merc, but A. I thought Merc was sixteen while I was writing that fanfiction and he acts kind of on the young side, while Blake has been acting ‘as an adult’ and being treated ‘as an adult’ for two seasons at least while directly talking to Whitley, and has always been more of a mature character for her age anyway.) But on top of that, Blake seems to treat Whitley like an in the way child and is kinda judgey to him, while Whitley barely seems to notice her. Whitley/Henry Marigold just feels bad. And Whitley/Yang. Again, Yang has been written as a nineteen year old demanding to be treated as an adult (though I wanna say she’s less mature than Blake) but also Yang is a hotheaded character and has been acting pushy lately, and that’s fine as a character flaw, but I feel like it just puts me off her for Whitley especially.

My biggest criticism for the character

He’s treated like he’s not a victim??? Like, his abuse and neglect and even his struggles are just... Not really gone into or acknowledged very much, Weiss acts like he has to prove himself before she can show him the slightest bit of sympathy or affection when she’s his big sister, his relationship with Jacques is glossed over and he isn’t given closure there, Willow’s neglect isn’t really acknowledged seriously, Winter seeming totally disinterested in him doesn’t feel like it even matters, Weiss is treated as blameless in her and Whitley’s problems. And the writing kind of frames Whitley as having gotten a redemption, when the worst things he did was be a bit of an asshole while in an abusive situation as like a fourteen-fifteen year old with no aura or glyphs or fighting ability. Emerald and Whitley’s volume 8 arcs should not be comparable! Emerald is a full on murderer and was still willingly working with Cinder to attack people as a nineteen year old woman, and yet she and Whitley are treated very similarly by the narrative (helping one person and then that ‘making up for’ their ‘past mistakes’ and then them just being on the good side and carrying the team’s actions until the pathways arrive and they both go to Vacuo. To be clear, I think this framing was too much for Whitley since he never even needed a redemption at all imo, and not enough for Emerald, the literal murderer of Penny who was just recently willingly helping Cinder try and murder Penny once again.) Whitley should’ve been treated as the child he is, he should’ve been treated as the victim he is.

My favorite thing about the character

His potential dynamics, but specifically with Weiss. He and Weiss both had almost the exact same upbringing, only Weiss actually had more support, but guys... The way the two of them coped had similarities, but were also very different. Weiss hid behind anger and sternness, Whitley hid behind peppiness and smiles. Weiss copied Winter, Whitley copied Jacques. Weiss was always afraid of people putting on acts around her, Whitley was constantly putting on acts as a means of survival. Each of them are plagued by jealousy, pettiness, judgmental behavior, and they both have good qualities that are similar, but they both are too prejudice against each other to see those good qualities and need to learn to understand where the other is coming from. Weiss is a fighter, but a follower, while Whitley seems to have a bit of a ‘fawn’ tendency, but plans and enacts schemes under the table (even if it doesn’t have to be, like with Nora! Whitley’s instincts were to just figure out how to help Nora and then go off and do it alone without telling any of the obviously antsy people with guns what he was doing - after he was spying on them lol.) I just love the possibilities that exist with two characters that are so similar, but so fundamentally different. Also I’d love to see him resentful of Winter and snarky and passive aggressive with her, and Winter not really getting the problem, and Weiss having to mediate between them. Idk, there are so many possibilities of amazing interactions and connections Whitley could have with the others, and he could be a really new, good viewpoint if he was allowed to flourish. And maybe became kind of a ‘guy in the chair’ more permanent part of the team. Like, I know we don’t need more character bloat, but let me dream!

A headcanon I have about them

Before Weiss lost her inheritance, Whitley was sort of tasked with learning everything but being head of the company, like he was learning the financial side of things, the technological side of things, ordering, inventory, scheduling, all about Dust and mine operations... And Whitley’s naturally academic and a fast learner, so he absorbed a lot of it. But yeah, I think Jacques was trying to train Whitley up to be a sort of always available PA of Weiss’s that could handle anything she didn’t want to do / was too busy to do, and that was something Whitley really resented too. His skillset was essentially being crafted around helping Weiss, but never learning how to actually manage the company itself and severely lacking in the social side of things, like he’d never be able to make a proper speech. Also, like pretty much everyone I think he plays piano and writes his own music compositions (which in my headcanons he subconsciously writes to include vocals only for him to then get bothered that even his music seems influenced by Weiss. XD) Also I know this is three headcanons, but if he had been trained to fight, he would’ve used duel pistols and would’ve eventually developed a ‘born out of trauma’ semblance.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

I’d just allow his status as a victim to be recognized and for him to have the sympathy I feel his character deserves. I’d have him and Weiss both framed as having contributed to their bad relationship, but Weiss - as the sister four to five years older than him - would be the one who makes the first moves towards repairing it, proving she has changed enough to put aside her pettiness and be there for the brother she does truly love. I’d also get Willow away from him, or at least let Whitley be angry and distant and not have their relationship fixed over the course of an in-universe day. This is why I say there should’ve been another Atlas season, which I think is what I’d do when it boils down to it. With every plot point coming fast and then being pushed on the back burner for the next plot point, there’s no time to focus on any of it or to give the character’s sufficient growth from it. So then things like Willow having her hand glued to Whitley’s shoulder feels very ingenuine, because their ‘growth’ was so rushed. So yeah, I’d really just add an extra season and let Weiss recognize that Whitley is also an abuse victim, make her be the one to start making steps to be there for him, and let things like his relationship with his mother come slower and not be an easy fix. Also I’d have Winter acknowledge that she has a brother more regularly and have her actually care about him, even if she hasn’t shown it well at all.

What I I think of their character allusion and what (if anything) I would change about it

Whitley has no assigned character allusion and his name doesn’t offer very many hints, since it literally just means white meadow/field snow, but it’s easy enough to assume that like Weiss and Jacques - Snow White and Jack Frost - Whitley’s character allusion has something to do with the cold. I agree with the general opinion that he’s connected to ‘the Snow Queen,’ and is likely meant to be Kai, a once kind hearted boy who gets a piece of a magic mirror in his eye that only lets him see the bad in people and gets kidnapped by the snow queen. His best friend Gerda goes on a quest to save him - encountering a land of eternal summer and a talking crow amongst other things - and temporarily forgets him due to an enchantment, but then finds him almost frozen over and saves him by crying on him and through the power of her love that literally makes people and nature bend to her will, Gerda rescues Kai and dislodges the mirror piece from his eye so that he can be cheerful again. Pretty in tune with how the writers wrote things. I don’t mind this, but if Whitley is meant to be Kai and Weiss is meant to be his Gerda, there were two missed opportunities here that could’ve been great. One, Gerda is reminded of her love for Kai whenever she sees red roses, and Ruby and Whitley have a few similar mannerisms and kind of similar coping through their ‘cheery exterior’s’ even f Ruby’s lost all her sass and Whitley’s never had her spazzy, dorky, rough around the edges traits. I think it would’ve been cute and make for a more interesting dynamic if Weiss had mentioned to Ruby in volumes 1-3 that Ruby reminds her of her brother, and if it had made Weiss both harder on Ruby (since she and Whitley are estranged and he does drive her crazy a lot lol) but it also made Ruby all the more endearing to her and is one of the reasons they could be friends fairly fast despite Weiss’s early animosity (since she loves her brother and the traits he shares with Ruby compliment hers.) The next missed opportunity I can think of is that everyone thinks Kai is dead in the Snow Queen for a bit, but Gerda doesn’t believe it and goes looking for him instead. You could easily fit this into a narrative where everyone else has given up Whitley as a lost cause, but Weiss won’t believe that and is determined to help and to get close to Whitley again, which is what I think I’d want to go with. But also, a Whitley death fake out? That could be very good and very emotional. And it’d be easy omg. Weiss could think the Hound has killed him sometime during the fight (even if just for a moment,) but also if Whitley had been the first one to fall in the void instead of going through to Vacuo O.O

Idk if we’ll ever get his character allusion confirmed, but if it isn’t someone from the Snow Queen, I feel like the whole fandom will say “What?!” at the exact same time. XD

10 notes · View notes

arotechno · 3 years

Text

The Heartless: Chapter 18

Read on Inkitt

First | Prev | Next

Chapter XVIII: in which some reunions are bittersweet

I could not remember blacking out, but when I opened my eyes next, I was on my back with bright, leafy green branches filling the sky high above my head. After a few moments, recognition set in; this was the oak tree, the same one I would perch in nearly every night and look out for trouble, trying to spot Petra on her way back from town.

If I had a heart, it would have clenched. Petra—I wondered with a heavy sense of grief whether she was even still alive.

“Welcome back,” a somber voice piped up beside me.

I leapt out of my skin, scrambling to balance myself upright. There was Petra, as if on cue, hair now chopped shoddily above her chin. Her eyes, in the months since I’d last seen her, had taken on a haunted look too mature for a fourteen-year-old child. She had a bow and arrow slung over her shoulder—mine, the old bow I had given her before I left.

“Petra!” I exclaimed. “What… What happened?”

“I found you passed out in the middle of the village and dragged you here.”

“No, no, that’s not— You know what I mean!”

Petra exhaled brusquely and averted her eyes to the treetops. “A while after you left, the royal guard came to the village. Burnt it to the ground. I saw them approaching while I was in town, and managed to warn most of the village to flee, with Marley’s help.” She paused, biting her lip. “Everyone who left has long since moved on by now, probably in hiding in other villages. There was no use coming home to a pile of rubble, only to see if they’d come back a second time. I know Marley took a lot of folks with her. Maybe they aren’t even in the kingdom anymore, I don’t really know.”

“And... Bertrand?”

“He refused to leave his study, no matter how much I begged.”

“Oh.”

“I couldn’t save everyone.”

“Petra, I’m—”

“I know it’s because of you, Ace. I’ve spent enough time out there to know that the king was assassinated by one of the Heartless, and something tells me you had something to do with that.”

Finally, she returned my eye contact once more. Her mouth was set in a permanent frown. It was then that I realized this was not exactly a welcome reunion.

“I… Yes,” I admitted. “I killed him. It was a lapse in judgement. I didn’t think they’d—they thought I was dead. Why would they come here?”

“Do you really think they needed a reason?” Petra snapped. “Ace, why would you do that? Why would you put us all in danger like that? Sure, we didn’t have much, but why would you throw every good thing we did have away just for your moment of glory?”

I pulled absentmindedly at the grass beneath me, twisting the blades around between my fingers. “The royal guard… killed my parents. I was going to confront him, and then… then he was dead. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret getting his blood on my hands like that. And, evidently… the entire village’s.”

Petra averted her gaze again.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she murmured, fist clenching in her lap until her knuckles went white. “But you know what, Ace? That’s not even the worst of it. It’s been months since then, and all this time I’ve been coming back here over and over waiting for you even though I’m so mad that you abandoned us and left me here. Where have you been?”

It was then that I remembered everything I had wanted to tell her before I found what was left of the village. I told her everything, from invading the royal palace with Knife Boy to being dumped in the woods to waking up in Frida’s house to reuniting with Basil and everything in between. When I told her the truth about the curse, she leapt to her feet and began screaming at me, letting loose the kind of pain and anguish that can only be felt by a child who has been lied to her whole life.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she yelled. “I’ve been here on my own for months because the royal guard finally decided to take us all out, and now you’re telling me we never deserved ANY of this? That all this time we were struggling in poverty and isolation is just because everyone hates us, not because there’s something wrong with us? How is that supposed to make this less terrible?” Petra started crying then, hot and angry tears rolling down her face.

“It isn’t,” I replied gently. “I just thought you deserved to know the truth.”

“I don’t care anymore! Whether we’re broken or not, we’re still not allowed to be happy! What’s the point?” Petra snatched the bow and arrow off her shoulder and flung it across the dirt, sending stiff feathers flying into the air. A deep, ragged breath escaped her lungs before she continued, quieter, “Just when you think things are working out, they find another way to ruin you. By taking out the king, Ace, you brought us one step forward but many, many steps back.”

“I know.”

Petra sighed and dropped back down into the grass, sitting cross-legged with her chin in her hands. She sniffled once or twice and wiped the lingering tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands. We sat there in silence for a few moments, as the reality of what our lives had swiftly turned into began to sink in.

“You’re going to leave me here again, aren’t you?” she whispered after a couple of minutes.

My stomach lurched, and I knew that after all that both of us had been through, I could not lie to her.

“You could come with me,” I suggested instead.

“What, and leave home?” Petra shook her head, smiling despite herself. “I couldn’t, not after everything.”

“There’s nothing left here, Petra. It’d just be you.”

Petra frowned at the dirt, yanking blades of grass and twirling them between her fingers.

“It’s different for you, Ace. Home for you was always something far-off, like some fantasy you got to live as a child where you had parents who loved you and tried to keep you safe. Me? This place, and the curse that I always thought came along with it, is all I’ve ever known.”

“I lost my home, so I made a new one, over and over again. You can do the same.”

She looked back up at me and furrowed her brow. “Easy for you to say. You knew life before this. For you, the Village of the Heartless gets to be an unfortunate dark patch in between two perfect realities where you get to be safe and live happily ever after. I don’t have that luxury. This village was your temporary hell, but it’s my hometown.”

It was a child’s oversimplification; when I thought of Swallow’s Point and its inhabitants, the ever-present fear of being discovered as Heartless, any image I could conjure up in my mind was far from idyllic. The Village of the Heartless had become home to me for many years, but I had also indirectly been the cause of its demise. I couldn’t deny that Petra’s words had some truth to them, however exaggerated.

I paused, considering my next words carefully. “Listen, Petra, like it or not, I can’t stay here. I’m a fugitive,” I pointed out. “The entire kingdom thinks I’m dead, and if I’m ever caught, I can assure you they will not hesitate to try to kill me again, and this time, they will make sure they succeed. You can go back and stay with Esther, tell her the truth if you want, or tell her I’m dead, I don’t care. But I can’t stay here, not now.”

Petra averted her eyes again, pulling her knees up to her chest.

“No, I’m coming with you,” she muttered.

I had been expecting more of a fight. “You are?”

“I don’t think I have a choice.” Petra at last raised her eyes to meet mine again, and I saw the glint of determination behind the last few tears she hadn’t been able to suppress. “I’m not going to let you get yourself killed just to make me happy by staying here. And I’m not going to let you leave me again, either.”

I watched in awe as she clambered to her feet and walked over behind the tree, retrieving the bow and arrow she had thrown in her anger.

“But if we’re heading out together again”—she held them out to me—“you’re going to be needing this.”

I took it and ran my thumb and forefinger along the thin maple of the bow, instantly being called back to the day I received it from Marley, and the first time I succeeded at hitting the targets I had set up behind Bertrand’s house out of old tin cans and spoiled gourds, and the nights I spent perched in that same oak tree looking for trouble after dark. This was not the bow with which I had condemned my village, but the one with which I had defended it; Petra now entrusted me with that duty again, although there was nothing left to defend.

The incongruity of this responsibility weighed heavily on me as we dusted the dirt from our pants and set off up the hill through what was once the Village of the Heartless, headed toward the back woods in the direction of the commune. I came to a halt at the top of the hill, frozen stiff before the remains of Bertrand’s house, the tiny run-down cottage I had called home for so many years. Like the rest of the village, it was only burnt rubble now, sprouting soft and verdant with the new growth of spring. I was struck with the realization that Bertrand had died still believing he was a failure for never breaking a curse that had never existed; I wondered briefly whether in his final moments he thought of me fondly or cursed himself for ever giving me shelter.

The weight of the suffering I had caused rose up from the blood-soaked soil and flooded the vacant spaces where my heart should be, and it settled there, heavy and still.

What a monstrous thing it was to be human.

#the heartless #aro #aromantic #aro writing #aro writers #aro creatives #aro creators #aspec #aspec writing #aspec writers #aspec creatives #aspec creators #writing #writeblr #op

22 notes · View notes

firewoodfigs · 3 years

Text

(long post, but I’m gonna try and make journalling a thing in 2021 😆)

The first day of the new year was nice. :) I woke up to the sounds of rain crashing against my windowsills - a strangely chilly morning in this tropical country where it’s summer all year round. For a moment it felt like I was back in Canada again, all cloudy grey skies and whimsical rain - the perfect weather for introspection.

I started my day with a pot of hot green tea, then settled down by my reading lamp to finish a book that I’ve been putting off for far too long - Steinbeck’s East of Eden. I only had about forty pages left, but somehow couldn’t bring myself to finish it. I hate when books end because it feels like that little world I’ve created and compartmentalised in my head has likewise ceased, but the good thing about books is that you can always re-read them and immerse yourself in the same fantasy. (Maybe even a different one, if the same words lend themselves to a different interpretation!) But it truly was an absolute masterpiece: such a stunning, intricate exploration of humanity that tugged at my heartstrings and led me into still waters of reflection. I know that I will definitely carry this tale in my heart for a long, long time to come.

Afterwards, I had some instant ramen while watching The Queen’s Gambit. I’m not a big fan of watching shows usually because I often feel like they move too slowly or tend to miss details from the book, but this one is pretty exceptional. Like, the acting and the artistic direction are incredible - the constant juxtaposition between Beth’s traumatic past and her glorified present, and the exploration of the fallibility of genius were executed so brilliantly. Another thing that really stood out to me were the scenes where she’d hole herself in the toilet and rebuke herself aloud for weaknesses in her play and/or being weak, in general. I cannot begin to explain how many times I’ve done that to myself in law school for even the most trivial of infractions, the most minor of errors - Lord knows I’m my harshest critic.

I promised to try, however, to be a little bit kinder to myself in 2021. My perfectionism tends to be a bar to goodness and growth because sometimes I get so afraid that my subconscious keeps demanding that my first draft has to be perfect. But it really doesn’t. That’s what editing is for. And writing, like any other talents and passions, requires nurturing and constant practice. I saw a quote yesterday about how we cannot just sit around and magically expect to be Faulkners overnight, and that is so true. I definitely need to find a sweet spot where I’m not berating myself to the point of giving up, but still demand growth so that I can keep bettering myself.

In the evening I headed out to a friend’s for tacos, which were an absolute delight in itself. And then my bf and I got to walk his dog, who I am convinced is the most precious thing in the entire universe - maybe even more so than my bf himself (I kid... or maybe not) - and who is just such a gentle-natured darling. It began to drizzle, so she led us home and we spent the rest of the night playing Sherlock and Among Us with the rest. :) It was a very peaceful evening. For a moment I’d forgotten all about the fact that I start work next Monday and was simply content to bask in the Christmas lights, the heavy downpour and the anomalous chill that came along with it. Just... living in the present, enjoying the moment.

Now that’s definitely something else on my to-do list for 2020 as well. So often the beauty of the present tends to be marred by my worries and anxieties of the future, but I always remind myself of this quote from Scripture: “Which one of you, by worrying, can add another day to his life?” And when I look back at my life and all the times I’ve worried and fretted and cried, feeling like there was no way for us to extricate ourselves from this rut, this perennial cycle of debt and other things that have plagued me from birth, I am also reminded of God’s grace and providence that has brought me through so, so much. It would’ve been impossible to have done all of this by myself; I frankly might not have had the will to continue living if not for those things.

Talking about my lived experiences also ties in to the last part of my day - where I thought about how exclusive and inaccessible the poetry scene here feels. You would think otherwise, in a country of no more than 5-6 million folks, but no. I was ranting about this a little to my boyfriend: how it feels like a lot of the spaces within are reserved for the elites of society with silver spoons in their mouths and golden plates on their tables offering them anything they wanted while I was struggling to put food on the table at fourteen. Sometimes I also lament the fact that I didn’t have my parents to tell me bedtime stories, to encourage me to read and cultivate my vocabulary. Perhaps it’s jealousy, or inferiority, or a mix of both.

But my boyfriend, ever wise and supportive, offered me a different perspective. He made a fair point about how I still fell in love with books and writing regardless, and how literature is oftentimes only a harbour that the privileged visit because the marginalised, the poor are too busy working for basic necessities to even think about such things. To the ordinary blue-collar layperson, poetry is just frankly a frivolous sentiment that won’t turn itself into gold. I agree with this wholeheartedly. It’s one of the reasons why I always felt like I didn’t have time to write, and one of the reasons why my first job was at a library (so I could read as much as I wanted! For free!). Then he said, “But see, no one wants to read about the rich waxing poetic about how lovely and grand their sunny little island is. But people will want to read about your perspective - your poems of the brokenhearted clinging on desperately to their inner child, your poems about the poor working to make ends’ meet, your poems about your tangible struggles - all of those will resonate with the masses, for sure.” And I was like, well, that’s fair. But I certainly don’t express myself as eloquently as these people do. Next to them I’m like an uncultured swine who can’t even tell the difference between all the different forks splayed on the table.

His response was that people need to understand these things before appreciating them, and sometimes simplicity works best - a lesson that’s been drilled into us from the very inception of law school. And I was like, okay, fair, but deep down my heart was exploding with the sheer warmth of having someone so incredibly supportive of everything I do, even if it’s worthless in society’s eyes. I remember one night when I was telling him about how, as a twelve-year-old, I had a dream to one day study Literature at Yale. I would hole myself up in the library after school, feverishly flipping through books to expand my imaginations and horizons, my mental dictionary of words, dreaming about the day where I could escape all of this and dwell in nothing but imaginative worlds one day. Where reality failed me, I knew that I could always count on my imagination to transport me to somewhere safe and special, filled with joy and sorrow and tragedy and hope.

I ended up studying law. Not a bad thing, because as stressful as it was I really did enjoy the things I’ve learnt - international and constitutional law, especially - and it has certainly given me new, mature perspectives on so many things; taught me to argue with reason and objectivity instead of just emotion and passion and has led me to meet so many wonderful (also trashy, but I’m out of this hellhole) people. I just don’t like the fact that 80-hour work weeks are the norm and that there’s always so much to... read. If you gave me a piece of fiction I could happily indulge in it for hours, but sometimes judgments can be so ridiculously mundane to read, especially if they’re just itemising every single case on illegality from the 19th century. Lord knows I need at least two cups of coffee for that. Black, to be specific.

Anyway, I digress (as I always do lmao). My bf ended up researching all night until he stumbled across this Literature programme at Harvard - which frankly sounds amazing, but also unattainable. Which was what I said. And he was like, “Do I think it’s impossible? No. I think you have a very compelling life story, and you’re full of amazing stories within you to tell. And if you want to do it, I will support you wholeheartedly.”

Again, as is usually the case, I had nothing left to offer apart from muted sobs under my blanket. It still sounds absurd to me - unthinkable, even - but I am just so, so grateful to have someone like him support me through everything. Literally everything. This is the man who has spent hours tutoring me in the subjects that I was hopeless in in first year, because I was too busy tutoring random folks in economics and geography and catching up on sleep (in class, no less), who has patiently helped me prepare for every single mooting competition and watched every single one of them, who has seen me cry and admonish myself for being a failure (only to spend hours trying to convince me otherwise), who has celebrated every single one of my victories and losses - you deserve a treat, anyway! Let’s go eat something nice and put it behind us, for now! This is the same man who has so much passion for what he does, who is so darn good at it without even realising that he is (I wept when he won a mooting competition this year because I was so proud of and happy for him), and who inspires confidence and compassion in me every day.

I am grateful to share all our triumphs and tribulations together, and I look forward to starting a new chapter in life with you. :)

#this was a very long shitpost but if u made it to the end kudos to u!!! HAHAHAHA #also a rainy morning again so I am in the mood to ramble oops :')#might have spiralled outta control hehe #sorry to any1 who follows me for fma content LMAO #haven't been posting much fma content but I promise there is smt coming this weekend #maybe a new update of memento amare...#me being all dramatic: IT IS FINISHED *presses enter key with a flourish*

10 notes · View notes

novantinuum · 5 years

Text

Fifteen

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: General Audiences

Words: 1.6K~

Summary: Every year, on the fifteenth day of the eighth month, Pearl runs away.

I managed to churn out a hurt/comfort one-shot focusing on Pearl and her relationship with Steven and his birthday for the occasion. Happy birthday, lil’ fella!

AO3 link to be posted in reblog.

Despite their shortcomings as an intelligent species otherwise, Pearl would be remiss to admit that humanity at least has a few positive attributes and customs.

The concept of leisure, for instance, is a good example. After all, back on Homeworld, actions that don’t directly benefit the Great Diamond Authority’s cause would be labeled as treason. Knighthood is another one she quite fancies. Despite her origins she’s always admired the thought of pledging one’s lifelong service to another by active choice, and all the honor and decorum that goes with that lifestyle. From there, the list is short, but cherished: humanity’s inclination to collect otherwise useless objects as mementos, their innate desire to seek out physical means of affection, (thanks to their attitudes towards cross-fusion, something else considered incredibly taboo throughout most of the empire), and the fact that their music isn’t something that’s restricted to only the elite.

Five attributes she admires. Many, many more she’s confused or even disgusted by. Amethyst’s obsession with human food, for instance, she’ll likely never understand. But out of every universal custom the denizens of Earth partake in, the one she’s never managed to wrap her mind around is the idea of celebrating one’s day of... emergence.

Gem emergence back on Homeworld is no impressive event. One moment you don’t exist, and the next— you do, imbued with just enough knowledge to properly carry out whatever purpose you’ve been assigned to fill in the ever-spinning clockwork of Gem society until shattering or the eventual heat death of the universe. That’s it. Clean cut.

In stark contrast, human birth is a complex, messy affair, marked by hours of nonstop wailing and suffering at both ends. So why, then, does humanity insist upon spending a significant portion of their already minuscule lifespans planning, attending, and observing celebrations of this day? She hasn’t a clue. Honestly, from her perspective it seems quite distasteful.

But She, on the other hand, couldn’t get enough of Earth’s frivolous celebrations. She made it her purpose to understand as much about their primitive way of life as possible. She— despite all her desperate pleas for her to choose otherwise— decided to take her overly obsessive fascination one step further and submit her body to it.

Which is how fifteen years later, Pearl finds herself broken, alone, sitting atop the same floating mountain where she first pledged her willful, eternal loyalty to the former diamond she now mourns. Her shoulders shake as she sobs without restraint, lithe fingers gripping so hard into the grass that she pulls up roots. Tears drip off her chin and into the dirt. She’s a coward. One of the most important days for humankind, despite her lingering confusion as to why, and she can’t even manage to pull herself together for a second to be there for... for him.

Just thinking about it sends her whirling through every year of her regrets as if she’s living through it all afresh.

She isn’t there at the very beginning. None of them are. It‘s just Greg, and, and... and Her, and some local she can’t remember the name of who agreed to act as midwife. The next ten or so years are much the same, every single one of them except the boy’s father keeping their distance so they can grieve in their own private ways. Garnet grows more withdrawn than usual, holing herself away in the burning room to conduct inventory of the bubbled Gems. Amethyst always warps to her former Kindergarten to do shard knows what, likely resorting to violence as a means of burning through the confusing emotions. And as for herself, she runs here. Every time. To Strawberry Battlefield, where the others dare not follow.

Eleven years. Despite Greg’s warnings otherwise, the energetic young half-Gem personally invites the three of them to his party. Garnet and Amethyst politely decline this invitation, knowing they don’t have the emotional strength to deal with the other young human children on this already difficult occasion. They do, however, concede to join him and Greg for a small cake lighting ceremony later that evening.

Pearl attends neither.

Twelve years. This time, there is no big party full of noisy, ungrateful human children the boy’s age. Most of their families had since moved away. (If she has to guess, the town’s prevalence for dangerous Gem activity was the root cause of that.) Upon Greg’s request, the others agree to meet up on the porch of the house—almost complete— to sing him that dreadfully banal song.

When approached about it later, she claims she forgot. No one dares press further.

Thirteen. She must leave immediately to take care of an urgent solo mission. No, she doesn’t need help, but thank you for offering.

Fourteen.

For the first time, she actually attends the celebration. It’s small, cozy. She manages a smile for most of that day. Manages to keep her thoughts pointedly directed away from the raw, recent past she’s usually running towards in her own self destructive way. Foolishly, she dares to imagine that maybe, just maybe she’s beginning to move on, to change with the rest of them, just like that young half-Gem is with every passing moment. But then the new shirt Connie got him is pink, and the whole countryside is spinning around her, and she can barely hear Amethyst asking her if she’s alright, and before she knows it, her feet have propelled her away, away to the warp pad nestled in the nearby field, and straight into the strawberry scented arms of the grief she can’t quite separate herself from.

It’s not normal. At least, it shouldn’t be normal. Grief isn’t something Gems of a lower cut have reason to even express. Where one is shattered, a replacement is incubated in the crust of some other unlucky world. Even for a Gem as powerful and rare as a diamond, such deep sorrow is waved away as nothing more but a waste of time and resources. And yet in this case the gem in question isn’t actually shattered. Perhaps it’d be a different story if She were. Perhaps Pearl could find the strength to finally thrive on this anniversary if that gemstone’s achingly familiar song really was cut off for good, if she could bury all her unresolved feelings with the shards She left behind.

Instead the song lives on, unceasingly, within the very boy she's helped raise.

Fifteen.

She hopes he knows that she tried this year, she really did. After everything they’ve been through together... every truth she’s revealed, every secret he’s confided with her, every hard wrought battle they’ve won... she honestly tried.

But no matter what, she can’t quite dodge the guilt ridden fear that his happy day will never be happy for her.

Miserably, she hugs her legs to her chest, her hard light form long since purged of all strength from her weeping. The tracks of her tears have already dried on her cheeks, and they’re left feeling sticky as a result. Looking up, the fields below are stunning in the stark amber glow of sunset. They genuinely are. Beyond the floating mountains wild strawberries stretch as far as the eye can see, but today they stir nothing within her.

Today, even beauty is without meaning, and in the moment so is she.

The vines emerging from the base of her solitary plateau crack and rustle, knocking her from her thoughts. She startles with a gasp, almost whirling around to see what’s disturbed her, but then... that song, oscillating through the thick air in waves far too small to hear. Of course. Who else would have the courage to run after her?

“Pearl,” he says softly, edging towards her frail, quivering frame.

And truthfully, she’s not sure if she’ll ever get used to the sound of that boy’s voice, how low its dropped ever since his sudden growth spurt a few months back, so, so different in register and yet intimately familiar regardless. Arms wrap tight around her midsection. She sniffles in response, hot tears threatening to burst their dam at any moment. Yet, still every bit as stubborn as the day she emerged from under the iron rule of Homeworld, she refuses to look behind, refuses to visually acknowledge the truth that’s weighing down on her more than even the fate of entire rebellions: the undeniable truth that like it or not he’s changing, faster and faster as the days creep onward, growing and maturing into a young man she knows with every burning fiber of her being that She would be so proud of.

It’s almost not fair, how quickly humanity can change. Progress... move forward.... leave behind.

Forget.

Die.

She begins quivering once more, not able to hold back her tears for his sake. They’re messy, every bit as undignified as she deserves in this moment.

To his credit, the boy doesn’t say anything more, knowing her well enough by this point to merely comfort her in silence as she brokenly wails. Minutes pass. At some point, he leans his face against her back, hugging her the same way as the first time he followed her here. It’s grounding, a welcome reminder of all the other days she has to live for. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she closes her eyes for a period, reaching up to blot at the edges of her puffy eyes.

“Happy Birthday, Steven,” she whispers, wiping the last traces of tears away before clasping her hand solid in his, steeling herself in both mind and body to face the unknown future with him together... one fifteenth of August at a time.

#su #steven universe #pearl #su fanfic #su fanfiction #my writing stuff

59 notes · View notes

bloodyfangedtiger · 4 years

Text

Goodbye Jack, I'm Sorry

So yeah, another mpreg prompt but if you don't like it then shove off.

Rhys bit his lip as he looked at the results, his closest friends sitting right across from him in the privacy of his own home. "I-but how? I was on suppressants! I have an implant! How could this-?!" He bit off on a choked sob and his friend the accountant rushed over to his side to help him hide. "Hey, it's going to be okay Rhys. We'll figure something out."

Their other friend bit his lip and looked over at the PA with a look that screamed I'm sorry. "Judging by the growth, it seems that during the time of the attack on Helios is when it was conceived and that was during your heat correct?"

Rhys nodded.

"During the attack, Zarpedon set off an EMP that wiped out most electronics on the station. Which includes your implant and unlocked your womb. Rhys, you are currently four months pregnant."

The omega wailed and hugged his friend tighter while their doctor friend joined them in a group hug. "You should call him, if there's one thing Jack hates the most it's surprises."

Rhys held the man's hand "Thank you, Tim, for everything." He leaned into the doctor's embrace who looks almost exactly the same as the man he has been sleeping with for the past year and a half.

----

Brr brr brr

Click

"Really not the best time, cupcake! These assholes have got a murder on!" Handsome Jack's voice rang from the echo while Rhys leaned against the doorframe of his bedroom with a hand around his stomach.

"Jack- I mean sir. I have something to tell you." The PA choked as the gravity of the situation hit him hard.

"It can wait till I get back, come get me you sons of bitches!"

The call cut off and Rhys dropped to his knees, he couldn't do this. It just-he and him-no they can't. Jack has a kid of his own, he's running his own company and he's also engaged so...there's no room for the two of them.

He knows what he has to do but it is going to be hell of a lot hard for him to do it.

----

He wipes the sweat off his brow after he finishes the manual he's created for his replacement, he picked a law student grad who knows how a company runs and has some daddy issues but is a Beta. The other choices were old men or women that couldn't tell their asses from their elbows.

He glances around the massive office once last time before he hands the receptionist his key card and pass codes and bids the place farewell. Tim and Vaughn pick him up from the office and bring him to the clinic for one last checkup. "Vitals are stable, hormone levels are adequate and...heh you've got three beautiful pups in ya. Looks like they're identical."

Vaughn snorted "Three mini Jacks running around the house, oh your life is going to be hell!" He chortled which earned him a slap on the back by Rhys robotic hand.

Tim gave him a years supply of prenatal vitamins and some other supplements to help with fetal growth before they all bid each other goodbye.

††††

The doors to Jack's office burst open as the king himself walked in with the air of an egotistic hero. "Ahhhh it feels great to be home!"

All that happiness left in an instant when he heard his little girl sniffling and immediately runs to his daughter's side. "Angel! Angel baby are you okay? What's wrong?"

The fourteen year old looked up at him while she held a letter in her hands "Dad, Rhys left."

Jack bit his lip then threw on a smile "Maybe he's gone down to Pandora to get some ice cream? You know how much ice cream he eats." He tried to soothe his little girl.

The siren growled "He left for good!" She yelled, her arms glowing as her powers activated. "He said that he is sorry and that he hopes you're happy!" She shoved the letter into his chest and ran off to her room. Leaving the king like president dumb founded.

He looked down at the letter she had thrusted into his chest and could smell the distressed scent of his PA wafting off of it like he was standing right by him.

Jack. Mr. Lawrence. Mr. Handsome Jack sir, I apologize for the inconvenience my sudden.

(The whole top part of the letter had been scratched out.)

Jack, I'm sorry that this is sudden but I can't stay here under your employment anymore. I'm sorry but I can no longer be your quick fling nor your personal assistant.

I've made a manual for my replacement and have chosen a grad student Beta to take my place. Just give them the book and they'll know what to do.

Tell Angel that I'm sorry for not saying goodbye but I wish you both the happiness you both deserve.

Congratulations on your future wedding, may you have happy days.

Rhys Gallagher.

He should feel angry, furious, disappointed but none of that comes to mind. He should tear up the letter but he can't move. "Rhysie. Dammit, why? Why are you doing this?" He brought the letter close to his face and inhaled deeply the scent of his Omega. The quirky, lanky programmer of a PA who he hired on a whim and now doesn't regret a single thing. Until now.

He shoves the letter into his drawer and storms out of his office, past his receptionist and straight to security. He kicks the doors in and barks "I WANT EVERY JACKASS IN THIS ROOM TO TRACK DOWN WHERE MY P.A WENT!" he howled.

Yvette freezes in her chair and subtlety calls Rhys so that he can hear what is going on up on Helios.

"I want him found and I want him home yesterday!"

Rhys, on Pandora, bit his lip as he listened to the call. He didn't think Jack would care, he didn't think he meant much to the fucking King of Helios. He thought that he was just some code monkey fuck buddy to him. He shook his head and ended the call before looking over at his arm and then at the replacement Atlas had designed for him. "I'm sorry, Jack."

From then on, his days as an Atlas employee began and he disappeared from Jack's radar.

→→→→

Fifteen years later*

A fifteen year old boy with auburn brown hair and green eyes grinned as he faced a bunch of psycho bandits. "C'mon, sweethearts, you really think you can take me on? Only in your sick dreams." His sharp chin and square jaw makes him look like the oppressive ruler of Hyperion but if you asked this kid he would say "That guy? No way are we related. 'Sides, I'm cooler than him by far."

He's wearing a navy blue sleeveless tunic and a pair of baggy trousers with some black swamper like boots that make him look like a pirate rather than a desert dweller of the dirt planet called Pandora.

A girl with brown eyes of similar age and dark brown hair rolled her eyes while she sat on top of a shanty house and watched the boy. "Mom is going to kill you."

The boy only grinned and began to slaughter all the psychos with the gauntlets around his hands which fire small rocket like bullets upon impact that decimate its target. Creating a bloody mess and no hopes of identification.

The girl rolled her eyes and adjusted the blades on the back of her arms as well as front. She recalibrated her weapons and flexed her arms till she was satisfied with the results and puts her tools away into the belt around her waist.

"Jackson, quit screwing around. We have to get ready for mom's party." She announced, her long hair pulled back into a ponytail with one long bang covering her left eye. She is wearing what looks like a tube top with two belt straps that connect her shirt to her shorts. Two more straps wind around her legs and snake down to her slip on shoes that have small decorative wings on the heels. On her back is a strange backpack that actually holds mechanical wings she can control with her back muscles and by moving her core.

"Harley, do you really have to be a buzz kill?" The boy known as Jackson with slicked back hair griped before wiping his face and body off with a towel to remove the blood. "This party is just going to be a drag, a bunch of fat ass aristocrats who either A.) Want to get into mom's pants or B.) In his pockets. Why the fuck should we go?" He rolled his eyes.

Harley took a deep breath before slowly exhaling "For support, it would mean a lot to him if we were there. We don't have to talk to anyone, just stay still and look pretty."

Her brother narrowed his eyes in what can only be described as disgust. "If I get groped again, there will be blood." He promised green orbs that promise murder.

Harley only smirked "Don't worry, we'll have your back. Les and I will make sure those gross aristocrats don't pinch your ass again."

»»»»

Rhys stood in the ballroom wearing his usual black jacket and trousers with his platinum plated cybernetic arm outstretched to greet the on coming guests. Even though fifteen years have passed, Rhys doesn't look like he's aged a day probably because of his healthy diet of fruits and veggies.

Even if he did have gray hair and wrinkles, Jack would still see him as the most beautiful creature in the world. "Rhys." The name slips past his lips as he watches his Omega, his former PA and the man he is going to beat the shit out of soon.

"You look awesome mom!" A teenage girl with one green eye and one brown eye squealed as she hugged Rhys, wearing a gold colored sundress that gleams brightly like the sun itself. Her brunette and auburn colored hair tied back into a luxurious bun that sits atop her head like a crown.

Rhys petted her head and gave her a tight squeeze "Thank you, Les. You look adorable in that dress." He smiled before letting her go and then darting his eyes around the room looking for someone. He persed his lips and sighed. "Where are Jackson and Harley?"

Les or Lesley if you would, rocked back on her heels while scratching the back of her neck. "Jack is still getting ready and Harley is at the punch bowl."

The Omega pinched the bridge of his nose "What's the problem this time?"

Lord knows it takes forever to get his son ready, Jackson prefers a certain style for his attire and won't wear anything except that. This style is pirate theme or at least water themed and it can't be flashy or else he'll walk around shirtless.

"He says that he doesn't want to dress up and rather wear his own clothes." Les replied carefully.

Jack watched them interact from close by and there is no mistaking it, that is his daughter. 'Is that why he left? Because he was pregnant?' Jack thought anxiously, feeling his pride take a beating because his Omega couldn't tell him and had to hide the news.

He felt the ring box weigh heavily in his pocket, he picked it out specifically for him. It must have been what Rhys meant by "future wedding". He must have seen the receipt for it or maybe it was the chapel he booked that gave him the wrong idea.

His eyes narrowed and all he saw was red, there his beloved stands not two feet away and damn him will he let him go again. He hurriedly made his way through the crowds of people and grabbed Rhys by his flesh arm before pulling him flush to his chest. He buried his nose into those brown locks and inhaled his sweet scent. "Dammit, Rhys. You really like to make me work for you huh? I've been looking for you everyday for the past fifteen years." He felt a sob bubble in his throat from all the longing he felt for his former PA.

Rhys stood stock still as the Alpha he once loved held him so close with such a tight embrace he was afraid he might break. "Break it up before I barf." Jackson oh so eloquently requested.

Wearing a brown tunic and trousers plus his swampers, Harley stood next to him wearing a black dress with a sweetheart neck line and a slit up one side.

Rhys's jaw dropped "Harley Angela Gallagher what are you wearing?!"

The girl shrugged "Something to catch me a date, there's this hottie I've been wanting to wrap around my finger. She's got a sister too."

Rhys face palmed while Jackson rolled his eyes "Jack, these are your kids." He said with a groan and gestured to the triplets.

"Harley, the eldest, Jackson, the second eldest and Leslie the youngest."

Jack let go of Rhys but kept an arm around his waist, putting on his best smile. "I'm Handsome Jack Lawrence. Your dad and president of Hyperion."

Jackson didn't look amused and said nothing while Harley said hello and Leslie full on tackled him. "Daddy!" She cried out with joy which earned her a hug and being picked by the Hyperion pres himself. She nuzzled her head into his neck, breathing in his scent.

Jack held her tight and looked over at his kids, his beautiful wonderful children that he missed out watching them grow up. He let Les go and heaved Rhys over his shoulder "Sorry, kiddos. Mommy and Daddy need to have a little quality time and a long talk."

Jack took them to his hotel room with a protesting Omega wriggling around on his shoulder and smacking his back. "Jack! I have to give a speech soon!"

He was unceremoniously thrown onto the wide queen sized bed. "Oh you're going to give a speech alright." Jack chuckled in that 'I'm going to kill you and enjoy it' tone before caging Rhys in on the bed with his hands on either side of the Omega's hips. "Mind telling me what happened fifteen years ago?"

His former PA looked away "You hung up on me when I needed you. I was so scared that I didn't know what else to do. Then I remembered that letter I found, saying the date had been set for your wedding and a dress had been picked out for your bride."

Jack chuckled and gently took Rhys chin "Baby, if you talked to me we would have figured things out."

Rhys glared and took his head away "I can't be a good fuck for you while you're married, Jack. Pregnant with triplets and having to tiptoe around your wife and not being able to tell who the father is. I couldn't do it."

Jack leaned in and breathed in Rhys scent before whispering in his ear "That dress." He pressed a kiss to the Omega's bonding site, sending shivers down the other's spine. "That date." He moved till he was able to engulf the site fully into his mouth "It was all for you. I was going to propose after I got back." He began to suck on the sensitive skin, causing Rhys to grab the sheets and spread his legs to accommodate the Alpha between his legs. He bit his lip to stifle a moan when Jack pinched the skin between his teeth and pulled slightly.

"I wanted to make you mine, I picked out the most perfect dress, a perfect planet and top notch security to have our wedding." Jack murmured against his skin "But that is going to have to wait, because I need to punish my Omega." He purred into Rhys ear.

★★★

Rhys panted and whined as Jack held him in his lap and shallowly thrusted his fingers in his ass. Only rubbing just the edges of his prostate and not getting anywhere close to his womb. "Jack, please." He gripped onto the Alpha's lapels and tried to fuck himself on those rough padded digits only to have them ripped away. "Uhuh uh, kitten. This is a punishment after all. I'm going to keep this pace up till you're begging me for my cock." The Hyperion CEO smirked before he rubbed Rhys's entrance with the tip of his calloused finger.

The Omega male whined and whimpered as slick oozed from his teased hole. "Jaaaack!"

The Alpha growled and rubbed his erection against the Omega's oozing hole. "You want this, kitten? You want my cock in your tight hole?" The Hyperion CEO growled into the Atlas man's ear.

#mpreg #jackxrhys #abo dynamics

8 notes · View notes

jess7avirtualjournal · 4 years

Text

Class Project 3: Confession

Performing Today!

Here is a picture of the letter I wrote and will be dropping off today:

Here is the text:

Trevor,

This letter is a bit out of the blue. I want to admit that I am in part doing this for my last art class in college called Art and Life. We had to do any sort of confession piece and perform it over zoom (weird times)! Confessions are supposed to be real and make you feel vulnerable - writing this out definitely taps into that raw form of adrenaline . Dually, I am writing this to you as a thank you and in return to the letter you gave me years ago when we parted ways.

I was heartbroken for what felt like a long while after we broke up, and I was scared that in writing you this letter I would blur the lines and intentions behind it. I wrote multiple versions over the years but hesitated each time. One thing that has continuously crossed my mind over time through the loss of loved ones, and of loved ones loved ones, is that life is too short to regret not saying how you feel. So I’ll shoot my shot..

I know it has been around seven years since our relationship when we were around the great ages of seventeen and fourteen. We were really young, but I felt so sure of us then. Writing this might make me seem a bit crazy (aren't we all?) as it is both long overdue and potentially.. extremely outdated. I think that when you left, all the weight of losing my father and you multiplied. The absence of your sweet, grounded presence hit deeper than I expected in my first, fated heartbreak. I also want to sincerely apologize for my inability to maintain a healthy friendship after the fact - but I needed years to grow, to be stupid, and to find myself as an individual. (still workin on that, obviously)

After we broke up, I could count the amount of times we saw each other on one hand. We made a lot of cute n’ fun promises we subconsciously knew we could not keep in regards to the future. I have had rose-colored lenses on ever since and it took a while to recognize that. I put a tint of perfection on all of our wild little memories, blurring out any of the tainted ones. Ultimately, I had no doubt in my mind you were the most special first love there could be.

I have become more honest with time, but I cannot express enough the gratitude I have for you and the track you put me on during such a telling time in my life. My dad passing and the influences around me could have taken me down a whole different road, but you truly steered me towards my own unique journey. I could not be more happy with where I am headed in this beautiful life and I would not be who I am without all that you taught me. I hope you know I have always adored who you are and what you brought to my life, and the world. (If you don’t know, now you do..!) You are truly such a special human and it makes me happy to know you are living well and following your dreams. I am sorry for not sharing with you my timeless gratitude sooner - but you deserve to know how positively you impacted my life at such a young age.

On the little piece of precious brown parchment paper you wrote to me, you told me “in the next few years, you should find out more of who you are. Explore in music, food, arts, literature, and your overall sense of identity.” I'm listening to Lauryn Hill as I write this, the CD you dropped off ‘The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill’ sits in the center console of my car alongside the many mixes Brett has made me. This album has become one of my all time favorites, along with Lauryn Hill, one of my favorite artists of all time.

Thank you for helping me to heal. Thank you for showing me how it feels to be loved and looked after. Thank you for the heartbreak. Thank you for making me feel so much at such a young age. To feel alive. Thank you for inspiring me to always push towards desired growth. Thank you for it all.

I will always hope for the absolute best, in health and happiness, for you and yours.

With tears of love,

Jess

04/29/20

I hope your sweet mother still lives where she used to..

On envelope:

His name

“Everyone has an idea of who they want you to be, only you know who you are”

(what he wrote on a letter to me when he left)

I will read it out loud over zoom to my class, then film myself going and dropping it off at his mothers house. (hopefully the connection works well, I practiced already and it worked well)

Self Assessment

I believe I deserve an A on this project as this was the most vulnerable project I came to after spending much time on other confessions (such as the social media confession project that I worked through for a long while). I knew deep in my soul that this is a confession I have been wanting to make for years, and this is a special push to make it happen although it is many years overdue. Writing it gave me a lot of nerves and adrenaline, and I know dropping it off live will enhance those feelings - this is such a raw and personal project and I feel proud that this class pushed me to make it happen - it feels like a true confession.

My project is unsuccessful in that the class will not be able to see his reaction and response - however maybe I can keep you all posted on that aspect! Also, it might be unsuccessful in that the audience does not know more of the history of this relationship. I am excited to be critiqued today to find out where I could have improved.

My project is really successful, or it feels this way to me, because it takes me very far out of my comfort zone and forces me to confront something I swallowed and hid away for a long time. This project allows the class to understand something really personal to me while also being something many people can relate to in terms of first loves, and see it happen LIVE! I think it is extremely exciting and I hope the class will be engaged and emotionally connected with me through this confession.

Note: This has not happened yet, so I think I will have further self assessment after the fact in terms of performance and critique by my fellow classmates.

1 note · View note

moonlit-maiden · 5 years

Text

On Nico di Angelo, "Pairing the Spare" and How to Shaft a Complex Character in Less Than 500 Pages

This will be long. Strap in. This is long overdue.

So more longtime followers of mine may already know this but I adore Nico di Angelo from the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. They also know I continue to eastly, to this day, about how he was handled at the end of the Heroes of Olympus series. Now, I've never fully delved into the 'why's and I will do so now as it's probably best to actually articulate it at some point instead of continually lamenting it without presenting rationale.

First: WHY do I love his character so much? It all boils down to shared/similar experiences for social ostracization. Growing up, I was quickly pushed out of social circles due to who my parents were; immigrants. Simply existing with the ethnicity and cultural heritage I had labeled me as untouchable. To sum it up succinctly; white but not the "right" kind of white. Keep in mind this was at the end of the Cold War; attitudes towards Slavic peoples were poor as hell. Fuck, they still are 30 years later! Nico is ousted due to his heritage too; being a Hades child. It's not something he chose nor controlled. He himself did nothing wrong to any of the campers yet when word got out they pushed him away. The same happened to me. As soon as the school kids and/or parents realized my parents were Slavic immigrants they shoved me out. It still hurts to this day. As such, I can deeply empathize with Nico.

Why does this matter? Because that blanket social rejections fucks people up. Nico is shown throughout the series to be distrustful, preferring to isolate himself. He has been shown time and time again he is unwanted due to being a Hades child. Eventually you just... stop trying. When you beat a dog enough times it stops coming around. This is the same thing. In addition, Nico has lost his elder sister, Bianca. The one person he felt understood him because she, too, was similar to him. Now I have Opinions on Bianca that would piss off 99% of the fandom but it's irrelevant here. Her death occurs shorts before or after it's revealed Nico is a Child of Hades. He is 10 years old with no one and the whole camp rejects him. It's a cruel thing to do to someone no matter how much you try and justify it. Rick did an incredible job highlighting how racism, ethnocentrism and bullying harms a child. Nico immediately became my favorite for this and I applauded Rick for having the balls to shine a very uncomfortable light on a situation similar to mine. A situation, I'm very sure many first generation or immigrant kids can relate to.

So where did it all go wrong? To be blunt, Blood of Olympus. Now, the final volume of the HHO series is a hot mess in general. Almost ALL characters get shafted on way or another with mischaracterization, simplification or backtracker on character growth. Not to mention the plot feels very slapdash and messy at times. But again, another subject. We see Reyna and Coach Hedge start to really get to know Nico and realize the extent at how bad his abuse has been at the hands of monsters and demigods alike. Neither feels this is right and shows it as best they can while respecting Nico's boundaries. In the previous book, House of Hades, Jason does the same thing. But then we finally get back to Camp Half Blood and shit falls apart for Nico's arc.

It's plainly obvious to anyone who's ready the series in full that Nico is traumatized, even moreso then most of the cast. He has been physically tortured multiple times, psychologically tortured by the camp and emotionally manipulated by several individuals. Keep in mind, by HOO, Nico is roughly 14. Fourteen. Can you even image how that feels?! He's only just now, after Jason, Hazel and Reyna's persistence that they will not hurt him, that they genuinely care for his well being, that they don't care about his heritage (and don't care about his sexuality, from Jason specifically). And then Will appears and Nico magically forgets 4 years of pining for Percy. It's so jarring, like a screeching record! This is when we enter the issue.

In writing, there are many rules. Like all rules, they can be bent of broken under certain circumstances. The rule in question is the 'pair the spare' rule. The rule states that if the pain cast has paired off, do not pair of the "spare" aka the odd man out unless it's been led up to. Rick chose to ignore this rule and pair Nico with Will, citing that as a canon LGBT character, he wanted to send the message to LGBT kids that they were worthy of love. This in itself is not a bad message. What IS bad is execution. First, Will is a background character. He very much has potential, don't get me wrong! But outside of having a few minor scenes in final volume of the PJO series, Will has only ever been mentioned in passing. From what we've seen, he and Nico have never interacted. On top of that, Will who is a healer, completely dismisses Nico's trauma. This is a very big red flag. When someone is traumatized, particularly psychologically, the absolute last thing to do is to dismiss the experience as "teen angst" like Will does. It shows absolute disrespect for Nico as a human being. And he is a healer. He should know better. In addition, Nico himself is not fond of the dismissive personality Will is displaying, the 'I'm going to tell you what to do' persona because he's a doctor so 'doctor knows best'. And in Nico's POV he says as much in his inner monologue! Yet he's "drawn to him". I'm sorry, but I call bullshit. Nico has been shown in 9 1/2 books to be quite smart, paranoid about social intentions due to past experiences and won't take crap from no one, not even his own father, the Lord of the (fucking) Underworld. Yet he'll just grit his teeth and basically follow Will's lead with little complaint? It's so out of character it's jarring and painful.

We briefly see Nico and Will in the first Trials of Apollo book. They're acting like the normal couple with Nico being the "sassy, snarky" one of the pair. Please note it's been 6-8months since the end of BOO, in-universe. In this one scene it completely erases Nico's trauma, very valid feelings of distrust and hurt, his struggle with both his heritage and his sexuality, his years-long unrequited love for Percy, his grief over his sister and his struggle to make connections with his fellow demigods. Love is powerful but its not a cure-all. It doesn't make the years of hurt and abuse magically disappear (trust me. I know.) and it doesn't change someone's personality to well-adjusted.

Pairing Nico with Will at the end of BOO completely destroys his characterization from a writing standpoint. All the real struggle, grief and unpleasant consequences of abusing and bullying people who are "other" in socially-acceptable ways is wiped away in less then 50 pages. It also send a very VERY dangerous message to LGBT youth; find someone you're attracted to and they'll fix you. That's a toxic message to tell to straight kids so why the fuck would you tell it to LGBT kids!? Unlike most LGBT character in literature that I can tell are shoehorned it, Nico was planned to be gay from the start, I have no issue with this. What I do have issue with is throwing his character out the window so he can chase some cute blond ass. Nico deserves better then that as a character. People who suffered socially-acceptable abuse deserve better then that. Immigrants and first-generation kids deserved better then that. LGBT youth deserved better then that.

THAT is why I keep getting so pissed; Rick took a genuinely complex character and fucked him over so he could lazily pair the spare and not be accused of leaving the only canonically gay character single. But there is a reason 'do not pair the spare' is a rule. It's better to leave a character single then slapdashedly pair them up. This goes double for characters who have trauma in their life and trauma is a serious issue that should be respectfully addressed. Love is powerful. Love helps to heal. But the love of family (Hazel) or budding friends (Jason and Reyna) is just as important, valid and send a powerful message. It sends the message 'you are not alone. You are worthy of love. You are a human worthy of regarding of both your experiences and your fears.' Pairing Will with Nico completely and utterly stomps on this message. It sends horrible signals to LGBT youth and scraps his complex character into the token goth gay boy. And Nico di Angelo deserves better then what he was given.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#nico di angelo #hoo #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians

7 notes · View notes

mrneighbourlove · 5 years

Text

Cruel Red Sea: Ch 9. Darkest Couple Looms Over

Outside, Lex ran out to cry on her own. Revy sat down, gloomy by the fire. She never had a fight like that before in her life.

As Seer and Bakura were returning inside to warm themselves, the blind Direnor nearly had the breath knocked out of him when Lex ran straight into him, hugging him tightly. He heard her crying and instantly, he was on his knees. Feeling of her face, he tried to shush her.

"Alexandria, my beautiful girl, what's wrong?" Seer asked, his white eyes wide. "What happened?"

"Liz was mean! She had a fight with Revy! And she told me that I would grow up to be nothing special. That we will never be able to transform like you! I-I just want to a Princess!" Lex sobbed deeply into Seer. Bakura was a little envious, but put his daughter first, patting her head.

"Ssssh. Let it all out."

"Hey, hey, that's not true at all." Seer was still weak from healing, but still could pick up his little girl. With her arms around his shoulder, he stood again and held her tight. "Listen, sweetheart. You may not be a Direnor like me, but you're special in your own way. I don't know anyone who would make a more beautiful princess than my darling Lex." He told her softly. "One day, you're going to travel and see the world, and the world is going to be so jealous of how stunning you are. Not only are you beautiful, but you're talented and so smart. Then, some day, you're going to be a grown woman and marry a special man. You'll have a family of your own." He booped noses with her, his forehead against hers. "And I'll be a very proud grandpa."

"She called mom the b-word and other daddy lowly."

Bakura made a face of confusion. Had he ever been called lowly by a child before? "Where is Liz now?"

"With Halvar I think... she want's Revy to leave with her perfect family back to Hyrule."

"Well um..." Seer was not really sure how to address this issue, but tried his best. "She's allowed to have her own opinion. True, your mother hasn't really done us any favors, but I don't think Bakura deserves that." He fished a handkerchief out of his pocket and dried her face of tears. "As far as Reveka goes, I think that your sister owes her, as well as yourself, an apology." He then offered. "You want Bakura to take you home while I talk to your sister? He'll be staying with us for a little while until he gets his own place."

"I can do that Bakura. Reveka is sitting alone. You should let her parents know what happened. I'll make sure Lex gets into bed and talk to her more about her feelings."

"Is that okay, Lex?" Seer asked his daughter. "I'll be home as soon as I get your sister."

Lex nodded. "That's ok Daddy... thank you for the horsy again. Have a goodnight."

"Tomorrow, you'll go riding and feel better, yes?" Seer handed Lex over to Bakura, making sure the man could support her weight before he let go. "You'll learn how to brush Whiteout, put on a saddle, a bridle, clean his hooves, feed him... so much to do. But for now, you comb your hair, brush your teeth, put on your pajamas, and go to bed. I'll give you a kiss when I get home."

"Ok. See you later Daddy."

Bakura gave huff as he carried Lex away. He was glad she was just under the age of starting her growth spurt. The Shiekah rushed through the snowy night back to the cabin.

Before Seer tried to find Liz, he found Rat at the table with everyone else. Rat was heartily telling the tale of how Captain Corsaire wrestled in the clutches of a kraken. The King and Queen of Uskar loved the story, especially with the quartermaster's dramatic flare. He was just at the part where Corsaire was hacking off his own arm to survive when Seer approached him.

"Rat? I need to talk to you for a minute."

"Aye? Borgie, you take over for me?" Rat got up from his chair and kissed her cheek.

"Do I have to?"

"You tell it just as good as I do."

"Very well, if you insist."

While Borghild was talking to Torbjorn and Brigritta, Seer told Rat what happened. The two friends both agreed that this could be resolved tomorrow. It was late and the girls needed their rest. So while Seer went to find Liz, Rat found his daughter by the fire.

"Reveka, love?" Rat sat next to her. "Seer told me what a-happened."

"He did?" Revy looked from the fire to briefly gaze at him, than back at the fire. "I think Liz is angry how my life has unravelled compared to hers. I don't know what to do to help her."

"Love, Liz isn't angry at you. She's angry at her situation and looking for someone to a-blame." Rat pulled his daughter a little closer. "None of this is your fault. You wouldn't a-blame her if you only had me, would you? Heh... for a while, it was that way."

"No... but I'm not the one with a villain for a mom and morally questionable birthdad. I got to grow up with my biological dad. You're awesome! And Borghild is an even greater mom! And than it turns out Scarlet is really cool too! I understand her anger, but it still makes me sad..."

"Ah, me lassie, sometimes there are some things that even we can't control, we can only try to be there for those who love us and care about us." Rat told Reveka with a heavy sigh. "Don't ever think this is your fault, love. Just try to understand where Liz is coming from, listen to each other, and this will get better, I promise."

"I hope she wants to be my friend still. I've never been in a fight before..."

"I'm sure she does, Reveka. I think right now, Liz is just frustrated and taking the blame out on you. It happens, even happened with me and Cap'n Corsaire."

"You two got into emotional fights? About what?"

"When Cap'n Corsaire and Princess Orana first met, he didn't know she was a princess. She didn't a-tell him." Rat thought back to all those years ago. "We called her Missy Orana and she sailed the seas with us for a while. You know the story." He cleared his throat. "When she left to return home, Cap'n Corsaire was convinced it was over. He and I argued about it, me a-saying he'd never been happier. I finally convinced him that if he didn't go after her, he was a-stupid. That if you really love someone, you don't want to let them go. Cap'n came to his senses after we argued, and we went to get her."

"That's a beautiful story, but how does that apply to me and Liz?"

"Cap'n didn't want to lose Orana and I helped him see that he was being a-stupid." Rat then looked at his daughter and asked. "Do you want to lose Liz? Or Lex? If not, then sometimes you have to help them see they're being a-stupid."

Revy internalized her thoughts. Heroes sometimes had to do their jobs, even when they weren't wanted. "You're right. I'll go tell her right now!"

"Wait, wait, wait, don't raise your sails just yet, love." Rat caught her by the belt before she could run off. "Seer's a-talking to Liz right now. Let's wait until morning, aye? Be thinking about what you wanna say."

"B-but what if she needs me?"

"Right now, she has her daddy." Rat assured Reveka. "She'll be okay, sweetie."

Revy gave a sigh, but hugged her dad. "Can you have mom tuck me into bed? I'm really tired."

"Aye, me love." Rat picked up Reveka. "I'll carry you, me love. We'll get your Ma and Scarlet, then we'll go home. It's late, and you and Boof need your sleep." He whistled for Boof, who was currently chewing on a bone given to him by the guards. "Boof! Come on, boy." The dog perked up, and dashed over to Rat with the bone in his mouth. "Aye, dat is a good boy. Time to go home."

When Seer finally found his way to the Prince's room, he'd get no reply from Liz. She had fallen asleep next to Halvar in the middle of reading a story about pirates on a treasure island.

"Oh! Um... Mister Erling, sir." Halvar did not dare move, not wanting to wake up Liz, so he whispered to Seer. "She fell asleep."

"It's all right, my prince." Seer carefully walked over to the bed, using his walking stick to make sure he did not trip. "Liz, sweetheart... come on. It's time to go home." He managed to pick her up with one arm, her head resting against shoulder. "Thank for being a good friend to her."

"It's no problem, I like Liz. I mean, she's my friend so of course I like her, she's really sweet and um... yeah."

"Heh, I understand, my prince. Good night."

Luckily for the Prince, Liz didn't catch his stumbled confession as she stirred awake. "D-Dad?"

"I'm here, sweetheart." Seer slowly made his way out of the room. He was not as fast as he used to be with this heart condition now, but he'd be damned if he let it keep him from holding his girl. "We're going home now."

"We are?.... ok." Liz went back to resting against him.

"Yes, we're going home." Seer sighed as Liz dozed in his hold. "Everything will be better tomorrow."

For Captain Adda, anything was but better at the moment. It took a two weeks to travel back to the Great Bay. First fourteen hours was her simply conducting to warmer and shallower waters so her crew could repair the ship, sending a message out, following the final hours sailing around in erratic patterns so she couldn't be tracked. The island paradise would have to wait. Arriving at her destination, Adda docked at the iron fortress. It was a massive island, heavily fortified with steel walk ways that lead deeper in. Mines in the water could be activated to raise up at any time, and the pirates had made the fish that swam through accustomed to human flesh.

Adda used the fortress as he beacon for those who pledged allegiance to her to rendezvous and coordinated plans for her pleasure and business. Making her way to a throne she stole from Danjur, Adda sat down on, deep in thought.

"Seer... that damned bastard. He just had to make things difficult. He couldn't see things from my prospective. He can't see anyone's prospective. I suppose that's a fault of the blind."

"Captain Adda?" One of her crew mates gestured to a messenger. "There is news from the kingdoms" She handed the captain a sheet of paper. It had Captain Adda's face on it, yet in place of the wanted dead or alive, there was a reward of high value that read "Shoot on sight". "It seems you're quite famous now, captain. The High King and Queen of Uskar has put a bounty on your head." She then pointed to the various posters of Adda's face. "Not to mention, Hyrule, Labrynna, and Danjur have all agreed with Uskar. They're all offering rewards too."

"Captain Adda, I'm sorry to disturb you, but you're going to be late for your meeting with the other pirate captains." Another crew member informed her. "There are a number of issues to the various captains wish to discuss."

Once everyone was in the appropriate meeting room, there were pirate captains who looked uneasy. Many were worried about their ships and their crew. Treasure could always be easily gained later, but with this new order from several kingdoms, anyone associated with Adda was in danger. While the captain was sure she controlled the seas, she could not be in several places at once, not to mention, take on a whole armada. The Wind Waker was powerful, but the news of these Lorleidians... could the Wind Waker be combated? There were too many unknown answers.

"Captain Adda," One captain took this chance to address her. "I come with unfortunate news. We of the Hondui Band withdraw our support. I cannot risk the lives of my men and women due to your recklessness."

"We of the Kirkeecane Tribe withdraw our support as well." Another captain felt anxious. "There are death sentences out for anyone who is under your command. There is no way we can defeat an armada as massive as Danjur's. Not to mention, Hyrule has these new foreigners there who supposedly can control elements."

"We respected you on the sea, but you decided to attack land. We cannot follow you there." Yet another captain spoke. "You went too far."

Adda took her seat at the head of the table. Listening to the concerns of her underlings, she tapped her arm rest in agitation. "I think you all need to think rationally. Tell me, how do you see the potential threat of a continent away affecting you. How do you think I went too far? We need to be clear here gentlemen."

"If all the countries are sending out warrants for your death, we will not have anywhere to go for supplies."

"Supplies? Ha! We won't have anywhere to go at all! Nowhere to go upon land!"

"You can't protect all of us, you can't be everywhere at once with the Wind Waker."

"And not all of us have fancy ships like you do."

"Besides, we saw what those Direnors could do. Those were only a few, imagine what all of them could do in the water!"

"Not only that, these Lorleidians could nullify the effect of the Wind Waker if their magic really is elemental like the rumors say."

"You went too far and killed innocents! There were children in the bay that were swept away like flies!"

"Another thing! The captain who killed the kraken, he's part Hyrule's navy now! If he took out a kraken, he can take out any one of us."

Adda turned to her messenger. "What of the Kikai Empire?"

"Openly, they are allied with Hyrule. But they don't dare cut off trade with us. They still use pirates to fuel their economy in secret as they repair. We've just received some experimental gunpowder actually."

"Good." Turning her attention the men, they held two strikes. "The Wind Waker is legendary. No fleet dares approach me. It can tear dragons from the sky, and ships or beasts from the sea. As for the rest of you, it's one bloody continent we lost for now. And a Kraken that Corsaire was lucky enough to put a powder keg in its mouth. Termina is still a whole country we can smuggle about our work. The Great Sea holds plenty of islands to hide about. And if it makes you milkdrinkers more at ease, I'll consider the bio-weapons we were offered to help patrol the waters around our ships. I'll ask again. Raise your hand if you want out."

"Whether they trade now or not, the Kikai Empire would be a fool to piss off Hyrule after finally establishing a truce."

"Gunpowder won't stop a whole nation."

"Legendary or not, it's magic won't last forever and when they come for you, and they will, I refuse to let my crew be in harm's way of a witch queen and her dragons."

"And Danjur's armada."

"If he can take down a kraken, he can take you down. The kraken was arrogant in its size and might and you are becoming thusly more so."

"Not to mention, it's foolhardy to say a mortal owns the sea; the sea belongs to the goddess and I'm not going to be damned for saying it belongs to you."

The last one reminded her of Rat. That bastard said the same thing. Just then, a shadow flew over the clearing mid her thoughts. Perfect timing.

Getting up, Adda walked across the table, and flicked something forward that had been hanging behind her. This was a special beauty. Modifying a rifles design she created a weapon that used shells to create a powerful spread of gunfire in close quarters. Pulling the trigger, she ruthlessly blew the head off the last man. She than looked up and nodded to the man who called her arrogant. He was pulled up by a clawed tail, right into the jaws of a terrifying dragon. This beast was known on the seas as Onslaught, an intelligent creature that had only merely thought upon partnering with Adda in the past. Somehow she got him to consider her offer now. As her own girls and the other men stared in horror, Adda pumped her weapon, a shell dislodging as the smoke cleared from her gun. "I will say this once. All you mother fuckers belong to me. I am the Queen of the sea. I am power incarnate. Stick with me, and I will reward you in all the pleasures and desires you could ever want. But leave me or get in my way, and I will spread your brains across the floor. Just like this fucker here. DO ANY OF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?! BECAUSE NOW IS THE FUCKING TIME TO ADDRESS IT!!!"

The men said nothing. Captain Adda always had a backup plan to the original backup plan. However, a few of them were silently trying to figure out a way to get out of this band. Sooner or later, the sea goddess or the kingdoms were going to come after all of them. Perhaps death was easier than rotting in eternal damnation for offending the sea goddess or living out the rest of their lives in a prison. Either way, Captain Adda had just made a few more enemies who were plotting against her.

“Good. Otherwise you can take it up with Onslaught.”

The dragon took a wet crunch out of the captain he devoured, speaking through the meat that started to get stuck in his teeth. “I’ve got your scents too. It’ll be a pleasure working alongside you all. Otherwise, I’m always in the market to purchase more willing brain matter. Absolutely delicious.”

Adda smirked to the men. “You heard him. Now all of you get back on the sea. Those against us have changed nothing.” She now had to speak to Onslaught about a personal matter that would be rectified.

Morning arrived in Uskar. Seer, as usual, was the first to wake. He grimaced slightly, feeling the small twinges in his chest from the healing wound. It was still sore. He worried about his health, not wanting to leave the girls alone. The healers said he would slowly recover but maybe not be the same as he originally was. Either way, Seer would not give up hope as long as there was a chance. Stretching, Seer made his way into the kitchen to start breakfast.

Liz was making her way out of the house, having an awkward silence with Lex when both twins woke. The last thing she wanted was an earful. In fact, some peace and quiet by the wall sounded good to her.

Seer heard footsteps. Lex had lighter footsteps when she was walking, practicing her princess mannerisms. So, it had to be Liz, wanting some time alone on the front porch.

Liz was putting on her shoes, ready to head out to be by herself. Maybe she'd feed Blizzard first, than go to the wall. Maybe she'd hear a Frost One's roar if she was lucky.

"Sweetheart, serve yourself some breakfast and wake up Bakura for his." Seer told Lex as he stroked her hair and then gave her forehead a kiss. "I'm going to talk to your sister, all right?" Heading outside on the porch, Seer stopped right behind Liz. "I hope you're not thinking of leaving without some breakfast. I fixed your favorite this morning."

Liz froze, giving a nervous chuckle. "Hey Dad. I grabbed some bread on my way out."

"When I fixed you pancakes? You wound me so, Elizabeth." Seer sat down on the porch swing and patted the open spot beside of him. "Come here, love. We need to talk."

"I suppose I can't just run away?"

"You could try, but I doubt you'd get very far, Liz. Problems never go away until you face them."

"...You're right." Liz sulked as she sat next to her father.

"Tell me what's going on, sweetie." Seer pulled Liz closer, letting her head rest against his shoulder. "I can't help unless I know."

"....I'm angry."

"About your mother? Or are you angry at me?"

"Everything..."

"Let's pick a starting point, sweetie." Seer ran his fingers through her hair to soothe Liz. "You're angry because you feel like you don't have a good family?"

"Yes."

"Heh, well, that's an understatement." Seer tried to lighten the mood a little. "Your biological mom is crazy, you just met your biological dad who is an assassin, your sister wants to be a princess, and I'm blind. We're quite the bunch."

"I hate it."

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better, sweetie?" Seer asked Liz. "I know we're not the picture perfect family like Revy's family might seem to you, but... I promise that no matter what happens in the future, that I'm going to be here for you. You're my girl, whether you're of my blood or not."

"Don't talk about Revy. It's not fair she gets to have everything go well for her and be perfectly happy."

"Now, now, that's not very nice. Do you think Revy would blame you for her situation if this was reversed?"

"She gets two have two amazing moms and a terrific dad with a big fluffy dog that's gonna live for at least another ten years." Liz sulked into herself. "And her sibling will probably be amazing too. If she's lucky she'll get a brother who gets to transform. Who will know his mother isn't some crazy killer who won't stop until she claims you."

"Yes, Revy does have all that, but it doesn't mean you don't have anything, sweetie." Seer told Liz honestly. "I'm not exactly high on the potential mate list, my darling. I wish like hell I could give you an amazing mother, but I cannot force an attraction. I wish I could give you more siblings too, maybe a brother or another sister that you could love and they would love you. Though, you're not alone, sweetie." He then said. "Lex does love you, despite her girly ways. You two are so different, but so alike at the same time. Your mannerisms, the way you eat, the way you talk, how you even make that annoyed groan when I make a bad pun. Reveka, I'm sure she'd fight off a horde of Frost Ones for you. I'm sure she sees you as her sister, has all these years since she doesn't have any siblings. Even when her half-sibling is born, you and Lex will be the only ties to the Gerudo she has." Seer then added. "I know you just met Bakura, but I think it'd be good for you to get to know him. He might seem a little... off. Though, I'm sure this is hard for him too. I know you don't have a mom, but... I guess two dads won't be so bad, I hope?"

".....It's not the same Dad. And what will I have? What's my future going to give me?"

"Well... I think a certain young prince has a crush on you." Seer chuckled at the remembrance of Halvar keeping Liz warm with his fur blankets. "So there's always the chance you might be royalty someday. Even if you don't decide that path, your Uncle Corsaire would be more than happy to let you go on travels with him in the navy. Perhaps you could stay here, study healing magic under Naira. There's so many choices, sweetie, but you have to decide to make the most of it. I can't do it for you, I can only be here for you. Do you understand?"

Liz was taken aback by her fathers words. "Halvar has a what on me?"

"Let's just say that Halvar kept you company and watched over you while you cried yourself to sleep last night." Seer tried to keep a grin from forming on his face. "And stuttered out a few choice words that enabled me to put two and two together."

"Oh my god..." Liz scrunched her face up as she felt a blush. How was she going to deal with this information. "Why'd you tell me this? I'm not good enough for royalty right now."

"Ha!" Seer chuckled in amusement, knowing his daughter was embarrassed by her tone of voice. "Cause I can." He teased her lightly as he hugged her. "My little girl is the best."

"Daaaad, stop it. You're embarrassing me. How am I suppose to look Halvar in the face now? He didn't say anything naughty about me did he?"

"Hrm, I don't know, I can't recall, it all happened so fast." Seer dramatically slumped against her. "I was in such shock from his apparent confession, the bravado, the splendor, the thought of my baby girl having a boyfriend. Ah! My heart!"

"Oh god..." Liz held her face in embarrassment.

Seer laughed as Liz fumed in mortification. His little girl always was embarrassed when it came to romance. She even gushed at the kissing parts in books!

"Feel a little better?" Seer asked as he took her hand, and kissed her knuckles. "I don't like my precious girl being sad."

Liz gave a sigh. "I was a jerk. I think I'm gonna grow up to be like mom..."

"No, sweetheart, you are far from ever being like your mom, because you're going to apologize and set things right."

"Revy shouldn't be a friend to someone like me. She's so pretty and strong. She doesn't need someone like... like me anymore."

"Wrong." Seer booped Liz's nose in response. "Friends don't give up on friends. Do you think I'd be here today if Uncle Corsaire gave up on me?

"No..."

"Then you have your answer." Seer stood and held out his hand. "Come on, now. You're going to eat some proper breakfast and apologize to your sister. Then you and Lex can go and ride your horses after you apologize to Revy."

Walking into the house, Lex gave a glare at Liz, but one more out of poutiness than actual spite. "I heard Halvar has a crush on you. Why you going after my main squeeze?"

Liz's mouth dropped. Lex had been spying again. "Lex! Halvar is just a friend! Besides, you like his eldest brother the most!"

Lex dropped her mouth in return, embarrassment of Liz calling her out in front of dad. "N-no I don't! He just has big muscles. And royalty. That doesn't mean I'm planning anything with him."

"You're both 13 years old, and you're not going to date until your of age anyway, so I'd put boys out of my head." Seer told his two daughters with a snort. "And Sigegar is way too much of an ass-I mean, butthole for my girl. Apologize to your sister, and both of you eat your breakfast. Remember, you got to take care of your horses today!"

"Daddy! We can date now. 13 IS of age. You can't stop us from dating boys below 18 years of age." Lex protested. Calming down, she waited to hear from Liz.

The redhead took a deep breath. "Lex... I'm sorry I said you were nothing. I can't control how you feel about our mom. And I shouldn't berate you for those feelings you have. I love you sister."

Lex gave nod, her high and almighty tone calming down. "I love you too Liz."

"No, 13 is the age that you're allowed to learn how to wield weapons in Uskar with training, not for dating." Seer shook his finger at Lex. "Don't argue with me. You girls are going to finish your education, learn proper methods of defending yourself, and won't worry about boys until you're ready for a family. End of discussion." He then smiled when he heard the twins making up, and sighed. At least that was one more thing off his list to worry about for later. "...? Is Bakura not up yet?"

"No. He's sleeping like a bear." Lex said. Liz took her seat and started to eat pancakes.

Inside the guest bedroom, Bakura laid out on the bed, half naked and fur blankets having fallen off him mid sleep.

"Good goddesses, I'll go wake him up. You girls make sure to clean your plates then put them in the sink." Seer then walked in the direction of the bedroom. He heard the snoring. Evidently, Bakura was definitely sleeping like a bear in hibernation. Then again, when was the last time he had a decent sleep? Knocking lightly, Seer tried to announce that breakfast was ready but kept hearing snores. He suppose Bakura was like Mojo and Juju; he had to shake them to wake them up. Going inside the bedroom, Seer was not aware that Bakura was a messy person and sprawled his clothes all over the floor. "Bakura, get up, I have breakfast ready---" The blind man then promptly tripped over Bakura's shoes, and fell on top of him.

Bakura gave an oof as Seer crashed upon him. His senses hadn't detected any danger, but apparently a falling blind man did not count. He was shocked to find Seer grading his face against his abs, a blush filling his cheeks. "S-seer? What are you doing?"

"Imph fhell." Seer's words were muffled by Bakura's chiseled abs. The blind man pushed himself off of Bakura, still leaning against the man to find his footing. "I fell." He repeated. "Over your boots, I think."

Bakura kept hold of his arms. "You should felt your way around better."

"Excuse you, this is my house, and the twins know better than to leave shoes lying around for a blind man to trip over." Seer huffed at him with a pout. "I came to kindly inform you that breakfast was ready before I fell on you."

"You? The blind man made breakfast? I think I'm petrified to try your cooking." Bakura gave a chuckle.

"I've been cooking longer than you've been killing I bet, sassy pants." Seer smacked Bakura's belly in retaliation for the teasing, earning a loud 'thwap'. "Get your snoring self up and come eat."

Bakura felt the blind man smack his hard stomach, and looked up at him with a grin. "You seem awfully attracted to my body Seer."

"How so? I can't even see it." Seer managed to stand upright and carefully took his foot and moved Bakura's boots under the bed. "Though I will admit, your stomach feels like a rock."

"Because I work out." Bakura stood up, holding Seer's arms. "But you can feel it, can't you."

"Feel it, touch it, sense it, whatever you want to call it." Seer was not as easily embarrassed about his body or someone else's. He grew up in a brothel, so modesty was quickly thrown out the window. He was just unused to affection from an interested party. It was probably why Adda caught him off guard. "I hope you like pancakes."

"Hmmm, we'll see Seer." To get a little back, Seer received a smack on the ass as Bakura went out, putting on a shirt.

"HEY!" Seer yelped when Bakura's hand slapped his backside. "Hmph. No whipped cream for you." He rubbed his ass as he walked back into the kitchen. "Girls? Was breakfast good? Tell this non-believer that your father can cook."

Lex decided to be cheeky. "Its only as good as much as I can date right now."

"You remember that next time you want rabbit stew."

Lex stuck his tongue out at Seer in good fun. "Eat the pancakes other dad!"

Bakura took his seat. Applying some syrup, Bakura took a bite, getting an audible reaction of pleasure out of him. Quietly, he continued to eat.

"... I hear a fork and knife going to town, so I'm taking a guess and saying that you owe this blind man an apology." Seer crossed his arms. "Petrified of my cooking, my butt."

"It's good." Bakura wiped his face with a napkin. "I'll have to thank you some how."

"Uh-huh, you can thank me by helping me wash dishes and do chores." Seer felt around on one of the shelves for his heart medicine that Naira gave him. One pill a day was not so bad, but he hated how tired and cold it made him feel. Still, he had to put up with it for his girls. Downing the pill in one gulp, he then said. "The girls have to learn from Angorn how to ride today, so they're going to be gone most of the morning. When they get back, it will be time for their studies."

"Ok Daddy." Lex gulped down her water. Liz nodded. "I suppose I should go talk to Revy.:

"Yes, talk to Revy first before you go riding." Seer reminded both of his girls. "I expect both of you back here no later than lunchtime to eat and start on your studies. Scarlet is stopping by later to give you lessons in Gerudo, so I expect you to give her your utmost attention and be polite. After you're done, you can do what you like until bedtime."

"Yes dad."

"Of course daddy." Both girls gathered their things and headed outside.

"All right, you two have fun!" Seer called after the twins. "Be careful! And remember, lunchtime! I'll be listening for you two!" After all these years, Liz and Lex knew how Seer was. He wanted to keep a routine to give them both a sense of foundation and responsibility. Perhaps the horses would be a good start for the girls to show they could learn to take care of another living creature, therefore be responsible for it and their own self. He hoped. Once the twins were gone, Seer returned inside the house to clean up the mess from breakfast. "The girls will be fine. They know their way around here."

"I'm not too worried about them. They seem to know their limits." Bakura was already half way cleaning up the dishes.

"They know how to push their limits too, especially Lex." Seer chuckled as he took the spot beside of Bakura. While the assassin washed the dishes in the sink, Seer dried. "I think they'll like having you here."

"I'm glad. I like being here."

'This place is barren. What good can we do hear? Kill him. And leave.'

Seth. Bakura guessed the voice would come around by now. "My other doesn't think so. But alas, I care not on his opinions."

"Hrm, well, I'm assuming this 'other' personality of yours doesn't like the cold." Seer attempted to jest lightly. "Either that, or doesn't think he has a place among the twins."

"He tends to not like others in general." Bakura finished the last of the dishes. "So, how often does family come to check in on you?"

"Oh, there's a rotation." Seer laughed. "I keep telling them I've been blind since I was a kid, that I'll be okay. Yet, they refuse to listen now even more so that this happened." He gestured to his heart, the scar on his chest. "Raynor, my father, comes by on Sunday, Rat on Monday, Angorn on Tuesday, Bjarke on Wednesday, my brother, Eskie on Thursday, my sister, Halldora on Friday, and my aunt, Hallfrida on Saturday."

"You never have a moment for yourself?"

"Oh, they don't stay all day." Seer told Bakura with a shake of his head. "I'd go crazy if they did that. No, they usually just stop by to help me with some of the things I can't physically do just yet, or just in check in. Rat, Angorn, and Bjarke take turns chopping wood for me and Eskie goes fishing for me. They're worried about me shifting or doing harsh physical labor until I'm completely back to normal." He finished putting up the dishes, so very carefully back on their shelves. "It's nice to have a big family. My sisters and my brother have children who get along splendidly with the twins and Revy. We all look after each other; it's part of being a pod."

"That's very noble... I think I have a better solution for you than what your people have provided." Bakura went to grab some medicine from his supplies.

"It took some getting used to for sure." Seer then put away the silverware and wiped his hands dry on the kitchen towel. "I didn't even know I had a family here until Uskar was discovered."

Bakura came back, dressed in his usual attire. "Get on the table and take your shirt off."

"...? What?" Seer was not sure if he heard Bakura correctly.

"Take your shirt off and get on the table. On your back, chest outwards."

Seer's face turned blood red.

"I'm not going to strip for you!" He blurted out suddenly, the embarrassment evident in his voice. "If this is a seduction attempt, you're really going for the finale."

'He's right you know. There are easier ways to fuck him.'

Bakura growled, only wanting to help. Pushing Seer down, he ripped off his shirt. "Stay still."

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Seer did not have his usual strength and could only flail around as Bakura basically hefted him onto the table. He yelped in surprise when Bakura tore off his shirt, the cold instantly causing him to shiver. "Let go!"

He suddenly felt a hot slap around his heart, a steamy cream filling him. "Breathe. Stop flailing like a salmon turning red."

Seer felt the heat on his chest and gasped, inhaling sharply. He still did not know what Bakura was doing, anxiety clouding his mind. There were several times in his youth that he felt helpless against the woman or the man trying to torment him in the brothel. This was bringing back bad memories, that horrid feeling of being restrained.

Bakura made shiekah prayers, applying the jell further. He only let go to grab the few herbs he had on him. Grinding a blue, red, and green herb together, he made a fine powder. "It's a drug. Eat this."

"NO!" Seer reacted negatively to the mention of the word drug, smacking Bakura's hand away. He was drugged for too long, out of his mind, having only gods and goddesses know what done to him. There was a slight trace of panic across his features.

"It's a healing remedy. And this is the only herbs I have, so stop flailing you imbecile. This will help you!"

Seer knew he had to calm down or his heart was going to suffer for it. He tried his best to swallow the feelings of despair, that anxiety threatening to consume him, that terrible feeling of helplessness. With a shaky hand, the blind man felt of the drug and brought it to his nose. It was not opium. He repeated that several times in his bed. It was not the bad drug, the was the good drug. It could help him. Slowly, he popped it into his mouth.

Bakura took a spoon and fed him five times. The drug took a moment, but Seer felt a joy flow through his body. His brain gave him signals of colour and his body felt light as a feather. His heart started to beat fast and healthy.

Not only did the drug start to work a miracle, but it also made Seer feel sort of lightheaded.

"... whuuut... is dis?" He slurred slightly.

"Herbs from my clan. It's highly illegal, but perfectly healthy. Should be the perfect remedy to your heart. That scar isn't going anywhere though. You feeling ok?"

"Reeemeeedeee..." Seer actually felt sort of drunk, his words slurred. "Feel sort of... sssilly."

"Hmmm... you're high. A notable side effect for first time users. And on top of that, I gave you the strongest dose.”

"Nooo..." Seer held his head. "Dun wanna be high... drugs... bad." The blind man was having trouble thinking straight. "You... jerk wif da chiseled abs..." He was starting to say whatever first came into his mind.

"This is very good drug, I assure you." Bakura decided to make a makeshift sign of no disturbance at the front door. Seer couldn't be seen like this.

"Used ta... be high all da time..." Seer got off the table and stumbled along the hallway, trying to find his bedroom. It felt like the ground was moving underneath his feet. "Stupid... slave masta... kept me dat way cause I..." He giggled suddenly, as he knocked into wall. "Fought a looot... then took meh eyes. Can't see, can't run~~~!" He said in a sing-songy tune, even waving his hand to the words. "Run like ah little bunneh..."

Bakura paced around him, his feet silent on the floor. "Well, the high should wear off in five minutes after consumption. I hope you aren't mad when you come down. There's been plenty of effects to the mood to various consumers."

"I'mma... I'mma kick joor fan... fantastic... ass..." Seer stumbled into Bakura, still snickering. "Joo jerk..."

"Really? You aren't so bad yourself."

'You gave him an open compliment.'

"I doubt he'll remember."

Bakura packed up his medical kit and returned to his bedroom. About a minute or two and Seer would feel like himself.

In about a minute or two, Seer was in his bedroom, laying on the bed. Groaning aloud, he held the sides of his head and cursed four different languages. He thought it was a side effect of the medicine Naira gave him. Oddly enough, he did not remember coming into his bedroom.

Bakura gave a knock. "You ok in there?"

"My head," Seer gritted his teeth. "Is pounding. What happened? I remember you telling me to strip and that's about it. Did I get something on me?"

"I gave you a healing remedy for your heart. I believed your primitive medicine was lacking. Your welcome."

"You did what?!" Seer could barely stand the sound of his own voice. "Is that why my chest feels like it's been next to the fireplace?!"

"Of course. You got a little high for a moment. But it was nothing but positive effects." Bakura took a look at a clock on the wall. "Anyways, I think I should be heading out in an hour. I'm going to meditate until than."

"The hell you are, you're staying right here until I feel like myself again." Seer slammed a pillow over his head. "I got a history with drugs, I don't like getting high."

"It was a one time use. You're fine."

"You don't know that!" Seer protested. "What if I start to get high again from it dispersing throughout my body?! I refuse to let the girls see me that way!"

Bakura grabbed Seer by the face, with both cheeks. "I wouldn't let them see you like that. You're fine Seer."

"You don't know that, Bakura, I was an addict for years before Corsaire came along!!!" Seer was adamant that the man stay. "Stay!"

Bakura sighed. "I need to mediate Seer. You can do it with me."

"I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying right here until I know for sure that drug won't cause me to go loopy." Seer was not moving from his bed. "Just lock on the door on your way out and put a chair or something under the doorknob."

"What can I do to make you calm down and trust me." Bakura was getting incredibly agitated. He helped this man be able to be physical enough for his girls, but instead of thanks or a silent pleasure, he was being berated.

"Just... sit there, please." Seer asked Bakura quietly. "And make sure I don't go nuts. I don't care if you want to do your meditating in here, just make sure I don't harm the girls. I've been violent under the influence before, and the last thing I want is to hurt you or them, or anyone."

"I can't mediate with you acting ballistic. I helped you from your heart condition! You will NOT have a relapse! The drug has finished making its way through your system. Now will you stop acting like a baby, and believe my word!!!"

"Oh, go fuck yourself!" Seer was beyond understanding at this point. "I'm grateful for your help healing my heart, but you will not call me a child for being afraid! Believe your word?! If you want me to believe you, then stop being a jerk about this!"

Bakura went still. His body shook for a moment, ending in the crack of the neck. A deep breathing of the cold air was heard, and the eyes of dark mind fell on Seer. "Well Seer... You should have listened to Bakura."

#crossover #ridersoftheapocalypse #Bakura Saibot #Seth Saibot #Seer #Rat #Scarlet #Liz and Lex #Revy #Onslaught: Terror of the Sky and Sea #Captain Adda

32 notes · View notes