Y'know, Bruno knows a thing or two about hurting and loneliness. I think if anyone would understand your pain and need to just have your hand held it'd be him, for sure. For better or worse, really. Real love is unconditional and he's got a LOT of it in his own neglected traumatized heart. I think he'd empathize big time with your situation just like he always has, and would squeeze your hand extra tight. Without a doubt.

oh my god anon ;-; augh, your message. thank you........ I really love how you worded all of this

I miss self shipping a lot. TF was my main focus for 3 years straight, I shipped with a lot of other F/Os over the years, but it wasn't like a strong fixation like TF was. and since TF became a trigger, for the life of me I just cannot seem to pick up the habit of self shipping again just in general... which is such an empty feeling bc I've been self shipping everyday since I was little. so I look at these other non-TF F/Os who aren't a trigger (i.e. Bruno), and yet my brain is still unable to rly Feel Anything when I look at them... it seems I'm a bit numb to self shipping just in general and idk if it's the depression of losing my special interests, or not drawing/writing anymore getting to me, or the ptsd/trauma, or a combination of all of it.... but then I opened your message and now I am a weepy mess (in a deeply touched and appreciative way)

"Real love is unconditional and he's got a lot of it in his own neglected traumatized heart." god you're so right, he's been through hell and he was so lonely for so long, and he didn't deserve any of the trauma that he had to endure. I want to hope my love with all of my F/Os, regardless of who they are or how long they've been on the F/O list, is unconditional... even when I'm Like This Now. I am not myself, I haven't felt like myself at all for the entirety of 2023, and tbh it makes me feel scared that I'm no longer lovable to my F/Os because of it. People always tell me they love how bubbly and passionate I am with my ships, but I'm just -- I'm not anymore. I want to be! So badly! The number one thing ppl always tell me is "you put so much love into your ships and it really radiates in your art/posts, you seem like such a happy person" but since I've lost all of my joy, it makes me feel worried that my F/Os wouldn't love me, seeing me like this, so... empty, like a zombie going thru the motions.

But that unconditional love feeling, I really felt that in my ships for forever and I want that feeling back so bad. I never used to have problems self shipping before, it was like, the one thing I would have bet my life on, I was so confident about it. and getting messages like yours, it reminds me of how I used to feel, and the way you phrase it all in the present tense... as if you're saying yes Bruno can still hold my hand, Bruno still is here for me regardless of how hurt I am -- it helps a lot. it really helps so much when I read things like this... to imagine him hugging me and telling me he's still here for me, even when I'm not the same as I was

I am rly not good at phrasing things so idk if my response makes any sense, I'm sorry if it doesn't haha;;; anon thank you so much for sending this. It means a lot to me. it really does. every time I get a kind message like this, I cradle it very close to my heart, I go back and reread asks in my inbox all the time... I read this a few times before answering it and it still makes me teary. thank you for telling me Bruno would be here for me ;-; it helps me to actually imagine it, and just a little bit of that spark comes back to me, even if it's momentary. it helps. you helped ❤

Just saw your tags about where is your muse and idk if ppl sayinf nice things helps with that but here I am about to try bc I just reread most of your fics (the long ones) and I really *want* to write coherent essay length gushing comments but my adhd gets in the way of that so I’ll at least start with this anon.

First off, i don’t reread fics (see the adhd), so the fact that I’ve read the devil and the deep blue sea not once but 3x is like … I can’t even tell you what a chokehold that fic has on me. It is just so fuckinf REAL and poignant. like jesus Louis’ growth and his journey and their love story and everything with Bo and the navigation of yk the actual shit people go through in real life but in this beautifully thoughtful and messy and kind and honest way. I can’t. I could cry just trying to write this. And anyway, that’s my fave, but honestly anything you write is like the ultimate realness wrapped up in love and comfort and sexiness (like the truck stop au? It was exactly what I’d want from something called a truck stop fic LOL but also so funny and sweet and just THEM? Idk how you always do that).

so anyway, just wanted to (finally!) thank you for gifting us with sooooo many words. I’ll continue to read every single one as long as you publish them.

Heyyy so I can’t say how much this means to me (had to close tumblr and cry after I read this) and I still don’t know how to properly respond. TDATDBS is so important to me. Making Louis’ story real and telling it with the ugly parts and all felt so GOOD. And that’s what I’m missing. I want to write them messy and real and maybe making bad decisions but it feels just out of reach.

Also lol the truck stop au! It was fun to write. Now and then I feel the need to write something silly and/or smutty and sometimes @homosociallyyours will send me a prompt and boom!

TBH it’s just been hard to be creative lately. And for me that means that I’m not really having ideas that inspire me. I miss writing longer stories and I wish I could find the magic in me to make it happen.

Thank you again. This ask made me really happy and thankful 🧡

I. AM. HERE!!!

OK SO first of all srry abt literally ghosting for like a month. now we're gonna pretend that didn't happen and i'll send here what i would have sent for each chapter so. get ready for a BIG wall of text.

29– tf??? free yn and soobin like???? don't get me wrong i'm glad beomgyu didn't appear again but not like this 😭😭 also hee's friends liking yn more than him. AS THEY SHOULD!!!

30. i'd kiss hee rn if he wasn't dating yn bc HE SAID WHAT NEEDED TO BE SAID!! i love how non-threatening mama kim sounds bc it's all through text but in my head i'm imagining the typical k-drama rich mom getting more and more pissed until her face is so red it looks like it'll explode (kinda wish it did 🤭)

31. love the hees sm. literally the chillest ppl alive. it's so funny how mama kim's plan just. didn't work and she's acting all high and mighty already like??? that's now how it works honey 😊 you're going down AS YOU SHOULD

32. MAMA KIM PRISON ARC??? IDK WHAT I EXPECTED BUT DEF NOT HER GETTING A LIFE SENTENCE 😨😨😨 deserved but like stillll!! also heeyn marriage pls <33333 i love them

NOW ONTO THE FINAL NOTES.

first i have to ask. is soobin ok? and like his family?? bc idk if mama kim was being dramatic when she said his family NEEDED the marriage and i'm kinda worried :(

second. i just love sm how dramatic you made this smau 😭 the way i could picture so many of the scenes cristal clear even though i was just reading texts??? even the dramatic bg music that escalates when things get more serious and ppl start shouting

finally tysm for another great smau <33 i WILL SAY unexpected partners is still my fave bc it was how i started to know you but it's amazing how you can just. make such different stories but have both of them be so great??

PD: i will be checking out other smaus some time in the near future. might be tomorrow might be in 2 weeks bc i clearly have NO concept of time 😨

PD2: i wrote all of this at once and didn't reread it so sorry if it's a bit jumbled together but that's how my brain works </3

Hey, sorry I took some time to reply. I'm on holiday 😂.

I love a long ask let's get into this 😊.

29 - Free Soobin and YN 😂😂😂. So true, they needed to be freed from Mama Kim. Ngl, Beomgyu was gonna make a comeback but then I thought that Soobin would be a better option, low level drama ya know 😂. Obviously Hee's friends like YN more they see the difference in their friend. They see how happy they make each other and they just love to roast Heeseung 😂.

30 - I loved Heeseung taking Mama Kim down thru texts 😂. He did not hold back and I love him for it. Originally I planned for the confrontation to be a written chapter but then changed my mind and I love how the texts turned out. No I love that 😂😂. Mama Kim very much was inspired by kdrama villain mothers. She's a mix of kdrama rich moms and Indian soap opera evil mothers.

31 - The Hee's were my favourite too. I just loved writing the family dynamics this fic. The sibling bond between the Kim's and the Lee's being the chillest ppl in the world. They don't care abt anything as long as their son is happy.

32 - Mama Kim is going to prison for life and she's never coming back 😂😂. The villain gotta be taken down somehow neh. I always planned for marriage to be the endgame for Heeyn and I'm happy with how it turned out.

Final Notes:

Soobin and his family are completely fine. Mama Kim was exaggerating. Soobin's family was going thru it but not to the point that they needed marriage to save the family 😂. Ur like the only person who cared about Soobin, I really have been doing my bias dirty in my fics and I feel so bad abt it 😭😭😭.

That was always the goal. I wanted this smau to be dramatic and over the top. It honestly makes me so happy that you could picture the texts. With the BG music and everything, really makes me very very happy 🤗🤗🤗🤗.

Ah thank you so much for reading my fics 😭😭😭. I love your asks, they make my day whenever I get an ask from you so really I love them more than you do. Unexpected Partners does have a special place in my heart too ❤️❤️.

PD: Check them out whenever you have the time. No rush honestly, if you don't like the story don't read it. Please don't force yourself to read something you don't want to 🥺🥺🥺. All I ask is if you do read any one shot or smau that you send asks, I love them so send those my way please but again no pressure to read everything all at once. Whenever you want, my smaus and one shots aren't going anywhere.

PD 2: It's fine, my brain works that weirdly too. Everything made sense and as I said at the beginning. I love a long ask 😂.

Again sorry it took me some time to reply, I'm on holiday and finding free time and WiFi is a struggle 😂.

Anon said: i dont know what blue lock is but that art you just posted is making me interested lol

AHHHHH please getting people interested in it is all my life is about lately hahahaha it’s a sports manga about soccer! Kind of!! Definitely has all the good sides of sports manga, but it’s also different enough from the usual sports manga that I know people who aren’t huge sports manga fan who loved every second of it, please do give it a try if you find yourself with the time for it! It’s such a cool manga!!!

Anon said: I don't even like BNHA anymore, haven't for more than a year, but your blog still has me shipping the characters somehow. I live for your KiriBaku content (and your KamiJirou stuff, when you post it!)

Gosh, I’m glad I can make you like them still!! It’s such a compliment, honestly ;A; <3

Anon said: so i was looking through your art and stuff and was wondering "hey i wonder if theyve ever drawn voltron stuff" and tbh, i didnt expect you to have

To be fair, if you checked it means that at least a little you thought it was possible lol I haven’t watched anything past s1 of it though, so the chances of me ever picking it up again are less than zero

Anon said: You... are one of the loves of my life... and also the main reason I check tumblr everyday lol.

Anon!!! You’re gonna make me blush here!!!!! ;;;; thank you so much!

Anon said: i started reading bluelock because of u and now im obsessed soooo,,,,, thanks!❤️😭

SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!!!!

Anon said: Hii, do you have a Spotify account? If you do, can you share it? I really like the songs u use on your arts, and I would love to see your Playlists Sorry if it's already on your FAQ, I didn't find it And sorry for my bad English ps. I LOVE YOUR KIRIBAKU ARTS THANK YOU

I don’t! I listen to all my music from youtube, because I’m that kind of person lmao happy to hear we share music tastes, though! And thank you so much!!! <3

Anon said: What's your favorite arc of ToG both story wise and art wise?

SCREAMS I don’t know!!!! I’ve been thinking about this ask since getting it I have genuinely zero clue I love all arcs so much for so many different reasons!!!!! The first that comes to mind when I think about it is the workshop battle arc, because I love Viole with everything I have and the whole arc (plus the build up to it too!!) hurts in the most wonderful way, but then I keep thinking about it and I realize there’s so many character I live for that don’t appear in it - I love the floor of death arc SO MUCH cause for one, there’s nearly all my favorite characters in it, and also because it’s such a good, dynamic arc?? everything that happens is so much fun and interesting?? also Hockney is there, and Urek is there, and Garam is there, and the Hell Train gang is all there, so!! AH and the hell train as a whole is so damn good (the dallar show???? my whole soul rests in there, Khun’s trust in Bam!! the coin flip with rachel!! Bam’s whole everything!!!!!!!! GAH) but my fav part of it has to be the hidden floor?? because!!!!!! it’s perfect from start to end, everyone in it is wonderful, Bam’s growth in it!!! GODS! My favorite scene in the whole webtoon is in the hidden floor arc, it’s how much I love it - THEN THERE’S YAMA and the whole arc there is so so SO good too, and the latest arc!! how good is the latest arc!!!!!

so yeah I can’t pick - art wise I think it goes without saying that SIU’s art has only gotten better, so the closest to the newest update you go the more I like the art.... though, my favorite Bam is still the short haired one from the Hell Train arc haha

Anon said: Oh, wow, how stupid of me. Like 2 months ago, I sent you a message telling you how much I loved your work... and I didn’t see it on your page, or anywhere else. Finally today, I discovered I had an inbox where you answered me... 🤦‍♀️... I still love your work, by the way...

AHHH yeah I always answer off-anon asks privately! And thank you so much for still liking my things!!

Anon said: Have you read the last haikyuu chapter? How did you feel about it?

I’ve reread it at least twenty times and then I went and reread the whole of the last game again and it’s been three weeks and I’m still thinking about it more or less constantly and feeling giddy happy about everything that manga has ended up being, genuinely one of the best manga I’ve ever had the pleasure of following till the very end - that’s how I feel about it <3

Anon said: I really like looking at your art it’s so therapeutic it’s wonderful please keep drawing I want to support you on Kofi and patreon and yet I am broke please just know I love u very much ok bye

Ahhhh it’s okay anon! I try to keep as little completely unavailable for my followers as I can, and I’ll do my best to keep drawing! Can’t promise the fandoms will always be stuff you care about though haha

Anon said: This is my FAVORITE art blog. Is blog even a word that ppl use anymore?? Idk but anyways your kiribaku gives me life and cures my depression so ily and thank u

I’m so so happy to hear that! Thank you so much!!! TTATT <3

Anon said: just now realizing your oc looks like the human version of kamakiri

To be fair the only thing they have in common is the green mohawk, but I get where you’re coming from! I was very happy when Kamakiri’s official colors came out exactly cause he makes me think about my boy, after all xD my love for Kamakiri is definitely biased, in that sense haha

Anon said: Just wanted to let u know im very gay for ur oc giulia that is all thanks

Anon I’m gonna cry I’m so glad you like her!!!!!!!!!! She’s one of my oldest OCs out of that group, it’s always so thrilling to know people like her ;A; <3

Anon said: I really like how you draw kirishima’s hair

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot of fun with it, though it does mean it ends up being kinda off canon more often than not haha

Anon said: hi! just a random question but how’d you come up with your name?

Fran is my name! Erid comes from Eridan from homestuck! Art is what I try to do! And that’s the incredibly interesting story behind my screen name haha

Anon said: Heya, so i sent the ask about the person who i suspect either heavily referenced or traced your art (i sent another ask about this tho im not sure if it went through) anyway, it was posted by ****************** you'll know it when you see it i think

Ahhhhhh sorry for how long this took me to answer, I went to check and it’s!!! fine, I mean, would have preferred if they had credited but I don’t think it was completely traced so I don’t mind too much, I used to copy art of people I liked too back when I was first starting, after all haha

Hey, could I have a Tokyo Rev matchup? If that's alright ☺ I FORGOT TO ADD MY APPEARANCE ALSO I'M SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH 😭😫🙏🏾

Ok so I'm a bisexual girl who uses any pronouns, mostly she/they. I am also around 5'5, I kinda wish I was taller so I could intimidate men with my height 😈 I am a Virgo, although I don't think I act like one. It's probably because I'm an Aries Rising and Pisces Moon. But n e wayz I am an ISFP 4w5 and tbh I kinda tone down my personality depending where I'm at💀 At school, people would describe me as kind, quiet, chill, smart, weird, innocent looking(that completely changes once I start talking because I say weird things. I once told my teacher about how some astronauts had herpes in Space 🏃🏾‍♀️). At home, my family(and friends) would describe as loud(Once I laughed so hard to the point where my mom could hear me outside), crazy, weird, chaotic, dumb(I say a lot of stupid things that make no sense ����🏾‍♀️), annoying, a troublemaker, competative, argumentative, mean, chill at times, really talkative although I have a stutter. I have noticed that in both areas, people have said that I'm a people magnet and a good person to be around 😁 When I'm alone I like to read fanfics 😏, listen to music, read my Warrior Cats books and when I'm with my sister or with Family, I love to dance, listen to music, watch anime, play sports, go for walks. I've been dancing ever since I was young, never went to lessons but still performed a lot for School. Most of the time, it's actually what people know me for. With my family, I was known as the Snake Girl for a few years because I really wanted one, I never got one but I do have 5 rats now 🐀 I've always loved animals, when I was younger I made a list of all the animals I wanted and there were like 20+ pets on there 😭 And because I love animals so much, I've decided I want to help them in the future but I also want to help people. I've been wondering what I should be in the future and it's changed multiple times(mostly because the hours were too long and I HATE 9-5 jobs) but helping animals and helping people is something I always want to do. So, I've decided that I'll do everything I want to do in the future and no one will stop me 😾 That's probably why I'm listed as the Troublemaker in the Family, I do what I want to do and say what I want to say without caring how other people feel because I'm my own person(Mostly, because I love having fun but also because they really need to hear it). My family doesn't like it tho 😕 whenever my sister does the same, she's always told that she's acting like me and that it's a bad thing but idc. When I'm of age, I'm gonna live my life the way I want 😌 I'm gonna get tattoos, get piercings, be a stripper while I get my desired degree in College/University. I'M GONNA DO IT ALL 💃🏾

I would also like to add that I smile and laugh a lot. I literally have smile lines from how hard I smile all the time. I could be experiencing any emotion like Anger, Happiness, Sadness, etc. and I'll still smile and laugh. I think it's the eye contact 😃

Appearance: I'm around the age of the Tokyo Rev characters, I'm 5'5, I'm not skinny or fat so I'm kinda in the middle, I have Auburn hair and eyebrows and have braided hair with beads in it 😩 I'm very hot, I also have glasses I wear occasionally although I really need them for my left eye 😫 I do think that the glasses make me look hotter tho so I wear em 👀

I hope that's a good representation of how I am and also thank you in advance <3

u are the definition of an aries rising LOL

IM MATCHING YOU UP WITH NAHOYA SO YOU CAN BE THE MOST CHAOTIC DUO TO EVER EXIST

im not even gonna lie to you here. y'all scare me. nahoya scares me, u kinda scare me (in a good way dw I literally dropped out of highschool nothing can truly scare me) but the way y'all absolutely hype each other up an energize yourselves off of each other is freaky and mildly concerning. its like, the two of you are somehow a match made in both heaven and hell because your brains are wired the exact same way but at the same time should we really be putting those two brains together????

all jokes aside though you really are mirrored versions of yourself and its fun as fuck for the both of you. nahoya, who lives for chaos and humour is delightfully enabled by your ability to take his jokes and follow along with his chaotic nature at the same speed without a skip in your step. you, are enabled by his ability to also match your speed and encourage you to do whatever the fuck you want because its your life and you should live it how you want.

when I decided on nahoya I didn't even think of the smiley thing but it just makes so much sense as I go back and reread your description?? like its meant to be ok

you two are THE trouble makers. ppl can't handle you and if you ever show up at any toman event mikey is immediately separating the two of you because even HE can't handle it. double trouble for sure.

nahoya says fuck a job. you can just hang out with him every day right?? no but for real, he 100% does not understand responsibilities and he doesn't get why you can't actually just hang out with him every day. he has so much fun with you and when you're gone he's like ?? tf do I do now?? disturb shit on my own?? damn. he does not like it one bit and will huff at you for having responsibilities. he swears he'll become rich so you don't have to do anything and he can just spoil you so you'll stay with him forever and cause ruckus together for the rest of your lives. this is his goal.

he's one of the top 3 worst boyfriends so im not even gonna lie that hes a shit boyfriend but I bet you wont care because the fun you have together and the freedom that your relationship holds is enough to make it all worth it.

psst.. he doesn't have to say I love you for you to know. it'll be clear in the way his eyes twinkle every time he sees you <3

Ugh I’m sorry.. I don’t interact much even though I devour your updates like a pint of guilty ice cream so first, I need to reaffirm how much I love pf ♥️ You’re seriously brilliant for your writing, plot, character development and so much more, but basically how you’ve progressed the story because that leads into what I stopped by your asks to say.. I remember finding this smau, reading the first chapter, and thinking ‘oh god this is torture.. there’s no way I’ll be happy I suffered through all this in the end’ but... I couldn’t stop reading 🥲 Seriously, it was so good that even though it was the opposite of the fluffy and fun hq fics I was looking for at the time, I literally could not stop myself. ‘Just until the next chapter’ I said again. And again. Then again. Until I was caught up and realized I needed to know what happened next and then even after. I spent so much time in the first half (front this point) reading and rereading so many of the shitty things said and done to y/n that I thought, there’s no way my petty little heart will forgive ANY of these mfs (except Tsumu who was literally the hopeful light at the end of this heartbreaking tunnel for me ♥️♥️♥️) and I held on to that until... I can’t remember when. Because at some point, I stopped being unable to forgive what they had done to y/n... because I had actually forgotten instead 🤭😳🤯

I’ve spent your last several updates trying to wrack my brain - every time it was brought up by one of the guys - for what they could have done that was so bad that I was so sure I could never let it go (at least not without serious retribution and even then, probably still want y/n to dump all their asses to the curb and drive off into the sunset with Tsumu but I digress). So I finally went back to reread the first chapter.. and 🤯😡🤬 I was like ‘oh.. yeah.’ And then just ‘oh’ .... 😰😭😢😩🙁😟😔😐🙄😬🤨🤔👀🤔🤔🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ because it doesn’t hurt as much anymore... now it’s just the motions of the pain I felt when I didn’t know where you were driving the car (like, to a beautiful fluffy sunset.. or off a cliff into total p a i n ) and even though there’s more to come I ... trust you behind the wheel because you’ve shown me some amazing moments along the way. The kind that make it worth it.

So yeah somehow I’m all better with angst now without even realizing it and it’s probably because you’re some kind of a literary-heart doctor.. but one that makes me heartsick only to eventually cure it to the point that I don’t even know why I felt so bad in the first place? I don’t even know what I’m rambling about at this point since I’d just wanted to point out my complete change in attitude thanks to your smau towards what I thought was “too angsty” for me lmao but I guess I also just want to let you know how much I appreciate the time and effort you put into the story.. whether it’s been a lot of planning or by the seat of your pants (or a mix of both), in any case, thank you so much for creating and sharing it with us ♥️ you deserve all the gifts y/n’s going to be getting (assuming they’re all going to be nice and sweet and not sabotaged somehow 🥺 because lol pls don’t make me have just wished that on you without meaning to 😅) anyways, I clearly don’t know when to stop fawning but you do deserve it, so I’ll just say that no matter how eager I am to see the end(s), I also hope you take care of yourself with breaks and time to just chill and take space away from it if and when you need it because we can damn well wait ♥️ if just reading this has been a rollercoaster, I can’t imagine how it’s been writing it so.. I’m sorry to yachi, but you are the true queen 😊

i read this in public n,,, my heart??? like ppl were asking what was happening n i just had to take a moment to breathe — it is genuinely one of the sweetest things anyone has ever written abt me n i appreciate u sm <3333

first: WAHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭 I got so emotional!!! so emotional!!!! so much that I can’t even do this first second pattern bc I have SO MANY thoughts!!!!!!! I’m writing this in my notes instead of straight into the askbox so u know it’s serious business™

ok so debut night!!! I was like ahah yeah it’s a tragedy whatever it’ll be fun to start out with and then the voice acting was SO good that it knocked me out of the park and I almost cried haha. it’s crazy how good the voice acting in a3 is like I love how the dialogue and voice acting works well together bc like it’s limited but so effective!! u can so very clearly see and understand the style they’re going for. especially like tsumugi’s death scene... the Talent jumped out it really did... uh and ok so. I think I may be a littleeee confused abt the play bc I had always interpreted tasukus last lines as raphael to be like abt his being secretly in love with michael. but now that I’m actually reading the line that’s like oh don’t fall for a human it only ends in misery I know that all too well or whatever... ig the implication is that raphael was in love with another human / the same lady michael was in love with in the play. side note I had to go back and edit the proper names in instead of tasuku and tsumugi lol... but speaking of!! speaking of the voice acting and the play itself I 1) love how blatantly obvious it is when tsumugi goes for that grander, tasuku like style of delivery!! like u could just so easily feel the difference it was wild... and 2) tsuzuru is once again spot on with his writing, lol... I felt that like raphaels inability to save or help michael really parallels how tasuku feels abt tsumugi so well, and it’s wonderful that they r able to resolve things and tasuku can properly compliment him on his acting where the angels fail to do so. it’s very good. and I think the play rly highlights (for me at least) that like. to tasuku, it was tsumugi who was sort of an unreachable existence. like were he to idolize and respect someone’s acting, it would be tsumugi. and I think that like caring carries over into their roles really well, because I think in michael’s love for a human tasuku sees like... tsumugi’s style of acting. the heart that he’d lost while within the god troupe. mb I’m losing my mind a little but ah. the play rly works with their relationship so well!! im very excited to see the other winter ppl get main roles tho—same for all the troupes!!! now this ask is too long so I’ll have to do another part lol

going to start off this second part of the ask abt hisoka bc oh my GOD. hisoka. like I was just thinking “hm where r the winter troupe cgs anyways” and then BAM. hisoka CRYING???? especially since he doesn’t seem that emotional it was a really hard hit!!! and who tf is august.... ok well actually theory time!! skipping ahead to the end theres that note that like mentions December and April and. not to expose my friend but very many years ago (a couple years before a3 was launched, at the very least) she wrote this story where there were like 12 orphan assassins and they were all named after months. I remember the main dude was named dec lol. coupled with my “hisoka is capable of murder” bit? listen.... I’m not saying anything but I’m also not not saying anything if u feel me. also I feel like assassin / thief with mysterious background is a common trope!! that was silver from the pokémon adventures manga too... why is this my reference point lmao. anyways I’m unclear if assassins would make it into a3 but like.... if the yakuza and supernatural stuff makes it in...

okay moving away from conspiracy theories and into emotions!!! the quotes from like EVERY mankai actor before the final production made me SO emo... and yay!!! they won!!!! (though admittedly I almost had a heart attack when no one clapped) but they won!!!! that ending cg!!!! and I adore how sakyo immediately goes after god troupe man (I know his name is reni I just don’t feel like calling him that) for the money lol it’s just so sakyo-like. also I love the lil mixed troupe interactions!! I found the game night ch so fun.... ahh, now I wanna reread that ch since it was so good lol

all in all I was super satisfied ahh!! I am SO excited to start up spring troupe again (HELLO character development!!! and chikage) and I’m even MORE excited to get thru all the act 1 events!!!! as a final note, is there any way to reread or replay the flair conversations? I didn’t want any spoilers for the plays while I was doing the practices for them so I kinda sped thru the first time ahah...

HELLO FRIEND IM SO HAPPY TO GET SUCH A LENGHTY ASK ABOUT WINTER IM LKDJFLKDJFLKFD  Winter makes me feel shrimps emotions (i know the whole “shrimps can see more colors than humans can’t comprehend” thing has been disproved but i’m not letting go of that expression, i REALLY feel emotions humans can’t comprehend anymore and i’m going to make it everyone else’s problem)

1) First about the voice acting, rIGHT this is just so fascinating to me!!! I remember after act 2 i came back to reread the main act 1 chapter and i was so thrown out by how GOOD the voice acting was, especially for the first few troupes having to convince you they’re not comfortable or good at acting yet. Winter whole thing is that they’re more subtle and mature and you really feel that with their voice acting, Tsumugi’s voice especially knock it off the park anytime he’s on screen. 

2) Second: what does it say about me that i’ve never, ever considered your reading a possibility because i was so set on “oh Raphael you’re in love with Michael sooooo bad you see it as a tragedy already because you can see him throw his life away” i didn’t even consider “maybe Raphael went through that too”. Though i guess if we’re going with that reading i can totally see “The Woman” they let themselves consumed by easily be a representation of acting or even more the God Troupe, with Raphael/Tasuku knowing to step away before it consumes him completely while Michael/Tsumugi, by his love and passion, pushed himself until he broke, which fits and it hurtsssss god Winter plays hits so hard.

3) Third: oh god yeah when Tsumugi goes for Tasuku’s acting it’s just. It makes me SO uncomfortable, i’ve experienced this scene like three times by now and the third time i was just “can i skip it i can’t go through this again i can’t Tsumugi i love you i can’t do this”. It doesn’t match the play at all and it just throws everyone off balance, and Tsumu you could have told theM YOU WANTED TO DO THAT.... god

4) Fourth: I LOVE YOUR READING SO MUCH I LOVE IT I LOVE IT YES YOU’RE RIGHT!!! Just as we follow Tsumugi let his passion consumes him until he breaks, Tasuku’s character arc really jumps out in Raphael, like, everything you say!!!  The way Tasuku/Raphael knew how the feelings Tsumugi/Michael felt would hurt him on the long run but he didn’t know what to do about it until it was too late, the regrets and the way Raphael voices his frustrations.... Tasuku struggles to be honest without acting (Tasuku pls i love you) but having such a role really help him expressing all he feels about Tsumugi and i’m HHHH this is so good so so good!!! but yeah i also love that Tasuku finally manages to actually compliment Tsumugi naturally, that he understands he can’t let him destroys himself again and it’s just gnhhhhh Tasuku is so kind and considerate and i care about him so much....!!!

5) Fifth: “i’m losing my mind a little” winter mood, winter mood winter mood- (though every troupe’s mood tbh but Winter is gnhhhhh kdhd hdhjf??? you feel me) (i am BIASED i can’t help it TwT) but yeaH i’m looking forward to see how you react to the others plays because the roller coaster juST BEGUN!!!

Onto part 2... Winter Troupe Chapter Feels... 2!

6) Sixth: DLFJDFKLDF HISOKAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHH. Hisoka crying fucked me up so bad!! so so bad!! Like on my first read i didn’t know what to think of him as he starts out very apathic to his troupe and then the more it goes on the more you can feel he starts to open up and i’m soft for this sort of slow burn, but then this whole scene happened and it HIT ME IN THE FACE, he was crying, i was crying, we were all crying, the Unopening Door opened a flood of emotions i can’t cope with. He sounds SO VULNERABLE during that scene and i know all of the Winter Troupe united on “taking care of him” but that’s really the moment i went “i care you and i will keep taking care of you” and look at me now. Thanks funky little scene for ruining my life. I’m glad you liked it i’m aldhjflkjdfkd Hisokaaaaa.....

7) Seventh: I am not commenting on the theory but 👀 that’s so highly specific your friend has a galaxy brain i love it. and i love the idea of “well we have yakuza and supernatural entity what’s an assassin adding himself to it” dLKFJDLKF i know everyone in Mankai calls Izumi out everytime someone joins but that’d be peak. I’m not going further about what December and August and April are all about but i love this plotline sO much, the few mentions of August when Hisoka regained his memories for a minute still haunts me, the guilt he seems to feel and this pain i’m just... godddd such a good set up. I love this plotline.

8) Eigth: EMOTIONS!!  Oh GOD YEAH THE ENDING WITH ALL THE OTHER ACTORS... I cried so hard it’s just. It really shows you it’s not just the culmination of the Winter chapter but of all the act 1 main plot and it really makes you feel how much of a journey you’ve been onto!! A3 is so good at showing you the growth of its characters that especially by the end of Winter you really saw how all of them grew in their respective chapters and how cozy they felt in their new home in the remaining chapters, and the fact this chap has those defining character arc’s lines really drive home “oh my god that was a journey” i love them sO MUCH.... 

9) Ninth: wE WOOOON!!! They’re all so good i just. i’m gonna cry just thinking about it dlfdjlfk i know like, the game has so many content so you know it can’t end at the end of Winter but the suspense really was there. BUT YEAH LMAO I LOVE SAKYO DOING THAT IMMEDIATLY, man sure has the eyes on the prize and we love him for that.  AND THE GAME NIGHT SCENE they are all sO CUTE and sWEET and they’re a family now and i’m hHHHHH i love a3 a normal healthy amount that isn’t just making me cry thinking about how all of them grew so close even through mixed troupes.

10) Tenth: I am SO happy you were satisfied with the plot so far!! I’m genuinely so happy that you decided to take that journey with us and that you shared all of this with me, and i’m so so happy you liked it!! There is still so much content and all of it is so worth it! 

11) Eleventh: Yes!! The flair conversations are all readable on the Mini-Chat tab! So they’re easily accessible and they’re sorted in a way that’s easy to read so you can feel comfortable skipping the flairs if you want until you have seen the stories the flairs are all about. They’re all kinda set during the rehearsals (except for some crosstroupe conversation that wouldn’t make sense if they were like how the Summer Troupe talks with the Spring Troupe in their Flairs DKLFJDF but it’s okay what is a timeline anyway) so some of them are set pre-development and it’s wild to get back to them. I love rereading Flairs i get emotional everytime.

ANND That’s it for this ask! i had a blast reading through your thoughts and i’m so happy and excited!! i’ll send you the drive now so you can start digging through it whenever you feel like it :3c good luck grinding for act 2, meanwhile i hope you’ll have fun with all the act 1 events i compiled for you!!

(side note i need to update the drive too but it’s mostly act 2 content anyway, the only two act 1 things i need to update on it is Sakuya’s birthday card i think?? i think Itaru’s is already in act 2 so i’ll try to get around to it eventually but it’s so far away anyway) (edit: i forgot that the three cards i got for the latest revival are from act 1 DLKJFD okay so i’m missing three cards -)

The drive has backstages and event stories and it may be a lot and overwhelming ahah. Focus on the event stories for the plot and go back to the backstages whenever you feel like it, no need to read them at the same time, unless you want to in which case everything is set up for you :3c and there’s a file with cards that aren’t associated to events too so... lots of goodies hanging around. I’ll send it to you in DM ;O 

Take care and thank you so much for all your thoughts! my inbox remains wide opened for any others thoughts you may have as you go further into it :3c

I realize we are in the middle of a pandemic and possibly the worst thing to ever happen collectively to humanity, and that you're probably feeling as emotionally drained as I am... But I've reread your Buck Volunteer AU like 16 times in the past 3 months. It makes me happy. I realize writing might not make you happy right now, or give you energy or be on your mind. But reading is keeping me sane. So thank you for that little universe. I'll be here when you feel up to adding to it. ♡♡

these last few months have been pretty awful at every turn and have kinda made it almost impossible to write the way i’m used to (writing is like my lil escape from reality most of the time tbh) and this message made me really happy, i really appreciate this, so thanku. <3

and also, here are two lil random additions i’ve been v sporadically working on for the volunteer buck au?

and ima go ahead and tag the ppl i promised to tag(i hope i got everyone!)? i hope ya’ll don’t mind they’re unfinished snippets?

tag list: @ironbuckley @chrrlees @disgruntled-pelicant @nighting-gale17 @daughter-of-infinity @romeoandjulietyouwish @badbitchjackson @chitownwolf @lamalefix @moira3000 @heather-likes2review @demonwithasideoffries @pan-buck @fyeahhipsterdoctor @daylightisviolent @themoonyloveenvy @randomlyordinarlyed @jillibob44

SNIPPET 1.

Buck sneezes into his elbow, groaning miserably as he throws another load of laundry into the washing machine. He's been grappling with a cold for the past couple of days, and though as someone who works almost none stop, Buck should be relieved to finally have a few sick days off from work, the reality of it is, he's going a little stir crazy at home all by himself.

His studio apartment's never been as thoroughly clean as it is now, though, so Buck isn't too mad about the undesignated time off.

One minute Buck is putting his last quarter into the machine and the next he's lying sideways on the floor and there's a ringing in his ears and smoke filling up the laundromat, people screaming and scattering and dazed. Buck sits up carefully, confused until he sees the giant truck that smashed straight in through the giant glass windows.

He manages to stand up, ignoring the way the room starts to spin, and takes assessment of the situation, something he's learned to do while volunteering for the 118. It's a Wednesday afternoon so thankfully there weren't too many people inside doing laundry today, but those who were are all down, though some more out of shock than actual physical injury.

"Call 9-1-1!" Buck tells the laundromat employee, who's standing behind the counter, unharmed but horrified at the sudden destruction, and she nods hastily, getting out her cell. There aren't too many badly injured people, and those that are able, are helping those who aren't, so Buck limps over to the vehicle to check on the driver. He's a male in his thirties most likely, and by the empty beer cans on the bed of the truck it's obvious the driver's intoxicated.

He's passed out at the wheel, blood smearing his face from a laceration at the top of his forehead, but his pulse is strong and steady and nothing appears to be broken, upon Buck's initial examination.

There's a wailing to his left so, having confirmed the man will live to see his day in trial, Buck rushes to help. There's a woman on her knees, sobbing, with a little boy in her arms--he can't be older than Christopher. "Ma'am," Buck gets down next to her so that they're at eye level.

The woman clings to her child, shaking her head adamantly.

"I'm a doctor, I just want to check to see if your son's ok. Please." Buck exhales, relieved, when his words reassure the mother and she hesitantly lets go. He's breathing, but it's labored and from the sounds of it and all the fresh bruising on the boys' sternum, most likely he's got a collapsed lung. Buck looks to the employee who's still on the phone with 9-1-1 and asks for an ETA on an ambulance.

"The operator says two minutes!"

Buck curses faintly. He doesn't know if the kid has that long. As if to prove his theory, the boy stops breathing altogether, his skin turning a terrifying hue of blue. His mother's screaming now, completely inconsolable and a hushed crowd is starting to form outside of the laundromat.

The paramedics hop out of their rig but until firefighters get to the scene there's just no way they can get in without risking injury to themselves, since the car is blocking their way and has started to smoke fumes.

"Everybody please remain calm. The fire department's only five minutes out." they assure everyone. Weber and Jones; Buck knows them from working at the hospital and waves to get their attention. "Doc?!" Weber exclaims, when she spots him among the injured.

"This kid's got a tension pneumothorax, he's not gonna last five minutes without medical intervention. I need one of you to pass me a 16 gauge bore needle through the opening there so I can do a decompression!"

"You got it!"

The boys mother is close to hyperventilating at this point.

------------------------------------------

SNIPPET 2.

It's been a tough week--though that might be an understatement--and a part of Buck wants to stay wrapped up in a pile of one too many quilts and blankets, in the dark, watching bad romcoms and never leave his apartment ever again. But he's been so busy at work Buck hasn't had a single moment to text anyone from the 118, and he thinks maybe being around them might make him feel a little less like the world has come to an abrupt halt. He also hasn’t eaten anything besides instant ramen in over a week, and that can’t be good.

They’re in the middle of a card game when Buck shows up and Eddie begs him to join in. "It's way too easy taking Chim's money." he sighs. "I need a challenge."

Chimney gawks at him. "Big words from the man who was literally whining like a baby not five minutes ago. He was all, 'Oh I hope Buck comes in today. Buck didn't answer any of my texts this week. Do you think he's ok? Should I call him? Would that be too much?'" he pokes fun, only stopping when Hen flicks the back of his ear.

“Play nice.” she says. She sits down in the chair next to Buck and nudges his shoulder playfully. “Eddie wasn’t the only one worried, by the way. You suck at texting but I usually get at least a ‘K’ back--long week?”

Buck leans forward in his seat, elbows perched up on the table. “Yeah. Something like that.”

Bobby, who’s in the kitchen making breakfast for everyone, overhears the ongoing conversation and tilts his head in concern. The kid sounds wrecked.

“Sometimes it helps to talk about it.” Hen prods gently.

Buck chews on his bottom lip, nervous. He didn’t come here to unload his problems on his friends.

“You can talk to us.” Eddie says, reaching across the table to give his hand a quick squeeze. “You listen to my problems all the time--hell, I called you last week on your lunch break to yell about some asshole who cut me off in traffic.”

That manages to get a small smile out of Buck. “Ok, ok, I--” he takes a deep breath before starting. “I messed up.” he scrubs a hand over his face. Why hadn’t he seen it?

Saying random stuff to feed into the hyperfixations; pick one of these statements to rant about because I wanna read :)) if u want,

How skeppy must feel with everyone meeting up cause BaD JUST COME ON ,

Opinions on bad planning to take skeppy to dinner and all that jazz ,

Skeppys newest video on the skep channel where bad and skeppy are surprisingly sweet to eachother (and how lately in general bad has been less angee with him) ,

Literally the whole discount skeppy situation , bad being literally in love,

Ride with U,,,,,hetero,,,,explanation,,,, anywhere?

ANONNNNN I OWE YOU MY LIFE ILY 

im literally going to talk about all of these so im sorry but read more at your own risk

one: skeppy, i am so sorry a mf does this to you. but seriously, i can only think of a few reasons (that dont sound entirely made for fanfic) that bad keeps putting off meeting skeppy 

1. (the most unlikely) theyve already met and they keep the bit going so the fans dont find out. i can get that they wouldnt want to tell at first because its their own business, but i seriously doubt they would wait very long to confirm it, because ppl honestly can put a lot of pressure and hype on the meetup (esp with skeppy’s “surprise”) so i think theyd release something just so everyone knew that it finally happened! they didnt lie!

2. bad just doesnt want to meet skeppy (actually nvm this is the most unlikely) 

bad seems to be genuinely excited to meet skeppy, even claiming skeppys the one to keep putting it off, not him (which skeppy immediately disproved but) and saying over and over he wants to meet up with him, but always avoiding actually making plans (every single tweet about the meetup) so its clear he does want to meet skeppy eventually, which makes trying to figure out why he wont even harder

3. its not the right time/ waiting for a specific date

leading up to this, i was thinking that there was a pretty good chance theyd meet up on their anniversary, but that never happened rip. the issue is with this is that they guaranteed they would meet up before the end of the year, and at this point theres only one “event” left, but they still dont seem to have any plans to meet. if bad was waiting for the perfect time to do it, why not just tell skeppy to confirm a meetup date? it would get him (and maybe the fans, if they told them) off his back. another variant of this is that there is a set date, but they havent told the public, but again, skeppy seems to be just as much in the dark about this as everyone else

4. health issues 

bads apparently been feeling pretty under the weather lately, with his arm and kidney stones, its very plausible (and reccomended, imo) that bad doesnt want to travel when hes having these problems. of course, skeppy could visit, but he could either not want to spend their time together sick or the plans they have could also be too straining. i think this is probably one of the most likely atm, go see a doctor bbh im begging you

5. bads nervous

this is also one of the more plausible to me. for whatever reason, bads just anxious about it, whether it wont be the same as talking online, or be super awkward or whatever, he could just keep putting it off for that (its still weird and kinda doesnt make sense but in a more realistic way this time)

i know i totally went off track but this brings me to my point, skeppys kinda just waiting for bads confirmation at this point, so seeing his friends have fun meeting up is probably just lowkey depressing and i could see him using it as more the reason they should meet up. really the only thing he can do in this situation(at least, as far as i can tell) is what he has been doing, annoy bad about it or he take advantage of bads jealousy and meet up with someone else. the other option is to randomly come to his house, but it doesnt seem like skeppy is gonna do that, maybe to respect his boundaries? if he was planning on it i think he wouldve done it by now

OKAY NUMBER TWO LETS GO

this kinda ties into my point in the “reasons why bad wont meet skeppy” thing, that bad seems really excited to meet him yet still wont?? its clear he really values any time spent with skeppy, but he also make sure skeppys having a good time too! that why he never does any actual work with skeppy around (i.e. building statues or gathering materials for such), he knows its boring so instead theyll wander around the server telling stupid stories or punching each other off stairs for 20 minutes. im sure itll be the same irl, he mentioned wanting to meet somewhere like a nature reserve or amusement park, probably to make sure theres never a dull moment or time wasted. dinner seems much more low-key, and i wouldnt be surprised if bad just wanted to have an excuse to try and impress him with a nice totally-platonic date

NUMbeR tHree *airhorns* 

they really do be the best of friends! ive noticed that skeppys def been trying to halt arguments fairly quickly now, saying a lot to appease bad and move on, and while bad seems to like to start fights for fun, hes also been a lot more chill lately, im guessing because hes been oh-so desperately missing skeppy and big s was also in Baby mode (aka if bad disagreed with him hed probably just cry until he got his way((sand))) i think that vid just showed them being a lot more natural and happy to talk (plus bad usually is more argumentative when theyre competing, while in that vid they were either just hanging out or working towards a common goal) 

n u m b e r f o u r 

where to even BEGIN with discount skeppy. well, bad actually first came up this idea a few months ago, in either july or august on an idots smp stream when he crafted an ‘artificial skeppy’ in his snack shack that he could talk to whenever skeppy was gone. as we all know idots smp is now rip, but the idea of replacement skeppys remained, just this time they can talk and also ship skephalo. it actually seemed like more of puffys idea at first when she put on skeppys skin as a joke, which bad didnt like the first few times, but when she brought it up again he actually requested it (missing skeppy brainrot 🤔?) this could be either cuz bad wanted to bait some shippers so gave in or he thought it was a pretty funny bit so went along with it (or he actually missed skeppy that much.. surely not ??) either way i think we can agree puffy is not only a comedic genius but a top tier friend and slight wingman, and getting some good jealous skeppy content out of it is also top tier. in conclusion, love and appreciate discount skeppy, badboyhalo has only skeppy on his brain and his friends have to deal with that, hoes (skeppy) mad even though the whole bit is how much bbh is into him

NUMBER FIVE im really doing all of them

What, can be said, about ride with u. GODDAMN. im not tryna insinuate anything, but if someone told me that song reminded them of me i would have no choice but to marry them immediately. i really really want someone to ask bad what songs remind him of any of his other friends (dream, sapnap, george, ant, puffy, etc.) because there are three options

1. theyre just cool platonic friend songs and bad is just in love with skeppy

2. he cant think of any songs for them and bad is just In Love with skeppy

3. they have equal romantic undertones and bad is just Like That with his friends (even so i bet people would be picking out the most minute differences between the songs that make one more.. You Know than the other) 

i know FOR SURe that if i was in bads position (where even the person who made the lyric video assumed they were gay in love) i wouldve curled into a ball and never made another public appearance again, but he really owned that shit, singing it and making unprompted references to it (”i already have a bonnie” YOU AINT SLICK SIR WTF) 

i just wanna know if skeppys listened to it (i mean, hes surely at least heard of it, i know he wouldve seen it all over his timeline) and what he thonks about it. pls tell us big s do you also feel the love in this chilis tonight (ALSO when is someone gonna ask skeppy what song reminds him of bad. im waiting ((hed probably say something like a faster remix or something equally memey (((unless???)))

ANYWAY SORRY FOR MAKING YOU READ ALL OF THAT HOLY SHIT i dont wanna reread this to check for errors so it might be incoherent but again ty for letting me infodump about this it was super fun im in love with you anon

(Same anon here) I'm really happy u liked my idea :D I love finding people with the same/similar ideas I have :> also I love your writing and I like the scenario you mentioned about Joseph and Caesar, that could lead to some angst and fluff :0

Hi I am So Sorry that this is so late, I’m not even gonna list the reasons why, I’m just. so sorry.

It’s so nice finding other ppl who enjoy the same hcs I do and getting to Talk About Them!!!

As for the plot idea - part of me wishes I could make this a proper fic but alas, I already have too much on my plate and no time/energy to write most days. It still ran away with me a bit tho so under the read more it goes!

So this is still back on Air Supplena and Caesar and Joseph are just. hanging out. Caesar is trying to Read but emphasis on Trying actually bc he’s been rereading the same damn line for the past two minutes just not comprehending any of it bc Joseph won’t stop messing with his goddamn clackers and Making Noise and it’s Distracting and Annoying and Caesar is getting real fed up with it

(Maybe if he actually Said something in a civil manner then Joseph would’ve stopped doing that and let him read instead of leaving Caesar to fume without saying Anything just expecting things to change on their own but I digress)

So eventually Caesar groans: “Jesus Christ, why do you have to be so Annoying, just Stay Quiet Already,” and he reaches over and yanks the clackers out of Joseph’s hand. “I’m taking these. There.”

And he’d be ready to just go back to reading with the clackers dropped on his lap and Joseph finally Quiet bc for all Caesar cares he can stalk off to sulk elsewhere as long as he’s Quiet about it

Joseph is not quiet about anything

The clackers, as already established, are his stim toy. His favourite at that. He’s had the dang things for a while now and they’re Perfect and he uses them so often that they’ve become His Thing and since he can use them for fighting also he doesn’t have to feel weird about having them on hand all the time

And he’s grown up with almost every adult besides Erina and Speedwagon, as well as a lot of not-adults, telling him that everything he does bc of his ADHD is weird or wrong or stupid. He’s been yelled at to stay still in school so many times and had his stim/fidget toys taken and told off for stimming (and poor volume control, and memory issues, and infodumping, and so many other things that are just Natural to him) and told to just grow up and stop acting so childish and embarrassing and annoying, that everything he ever does to make himself comfortable and happy is actually gross and immature and should be stopped-

And now Caesar just told him the same thing and it hits differently from all the other times he’s called him annoying, and he took his fuckin clackers too and he’s acting like it’s just Okay to Do and-

Joseph sees red.

Caesar has no time to react before they’re both on the floor and all he can do is try to dodge and block Joseph’s fists as he yells at him to give him his fuckin clackers back. And it’s scary beyond just. fighting someone who’s v strong and knows how to punch (bc ofc so does Caesar), it’s scary bc Joseph is v obviously Genuinely Upset?? This isn’t an impromptu wrestling match on the floor over something dumb and petty that they’ll call truce over in just a bit and go back to teasing each other. No, Caesar has somehow Fucked Up even if he doesn’t realise How nor how to Fix It

This all goes down in the span of seconds btw before Joseph like. catches himself and realises what he’s doing, which is. trying to beat his best friend into the carpet for taking his Stupid Childish Toy that he shouldn’t even Have bc what kind of Idiot gets so attached to some dumb Toy and makes Constant Annoying Noises with it. And Caesar is reaching up tentatively to put a hand on his arm to try to placate him or snap him out of it or Something and that’s when Joseph just Bolts

Like. clackers forgotten and everything, he just. utilises his favourite secret technique and runs for it

“It” being his room. He locks the door and sits on the floor next to it for a while trying to catch his breath and collect himself. Eventually he manages to get up and get his scarf to fumble with it to calm himself better bc the scarf is also Important like the clackers are

He’s fucked up Big Time. Now Caesar knows he’s weird no matter how hard he tries to save face, bc even if he doesn’t Say anything, even if he never gets his clackers back (oh god, where are they, did he leave them with Caesar, oh fuck-) his strong reaction to Caesar taking them will Definitely betray to him that Something Is Up. Caesar is a smart guy, Joseph can’t expect him not to catch on to Something being off anyway even if he doesn’t exactly know What bc it’s already enough evidence that Joseph is Weird and Childish in all the ways that are Undesirable

Caesar goes after him bc ofc he does. He wants to figure out how he fucked up and Fix It and also lbr. if this Was something Joseph would want to just be left alone with, Caesar wouldn’t really realise that until he got punched again. So he takes the clackers and goes looking for Joseph (which takes him some time bc he doesn’t Know what’s going on and thus that Joseph would be in his room where he can dig out his favourite scarf or bury himself under a pile of blankets bc that’s Comforting, and as small as the island is, it’s Full of good hiding places)

But he eventually comes up to Joseph’s room and knocks. “Jojo, you in there?”

“Go away.”

“…do you actually mean that?”

And okay that’s unfair bc even buried under three blankets (pressure is Good but his weighted blanket is at home in New York and he is here in positively Not New York) and feeling like the world is overall a v shitty place, he still likes Caesar. Even if he knows that it’s dumb to want comfort from the same person that hurt him in the first place.

And then Caesar adds: “I still have your clackers.”

And it’s not like. blackmail or anything, more like “hey I wanna give these back tho” and that’s what does it bc Joseph wants his clackers back and so he v bitterly decides that if Caesar thinks he’s gross and weird now then Joseph can just punch him and they can go back to hating each other like they had back in Rome

He hates that possibility tho

He allows Caesar in and sits up in his bed while he’s at it so that he can have at least Some dignity left. Caesar sits on the bed with him tho he does keep a larger distance than he usually does and Joseph Really hopes that’s “I don’t wanna freak you out again” kinda distance and not “you’re just gonna punch me for no reason again aren’t you” kinda distance

Before he does anything else, Caesar gives the clackers back and Joseph just. puts them down on the bed on the Caesar-free side of himself bc he’s Very Consciously trying Not to Act Weird

He doesn’t look at Caesar’s face tho bc that’s a lil too much for him rn

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Joseph just shrugs. “It’s fine, it’s…dumb.”

“It’s not dumb if it made you upset.”

And that’s so fuckin sweet and Honest and Caesar sounds like he genuinely feels bad for messing Joseph up so much but also Joseph doesn’t know what to Do with that when Caesar doesn’t even Know what he’s talking about, bc ofc it’s Dumb.

“No, it…it is dumb. Don’t worry about it.”

I’d say Caesar operates like 80% on Pure Spite so if you tell him not to worry about something he Will worry about it just to be an asshole but tbh it’s mostly just bc he loves Joseph in this case

“Can I ask why though?”

Joseph doesn’t expect whatever that is so much that he actually looks at Caesar for a moment. “Why what?”

“Why you got so upset. Or why you think it’s dumb,” and when Joseph doesn’t look convinced he continues. “I mean, we fight all the time, sure, but it’s never Serious…right?”

He genuinely looks Uncertain there for a moment and that’s a Big Fuckin Ouch bc of Course it’s never serious, ever since they took turns punting each other into that fountain in Rome none of their fights have been actually serious. They spar for training and they have joke-fights bc it’s fun to rile each other up and gain bragging rights but it’s never about Hurting and in face of real danger they’d protect each other over themselves in a heartbeat

So Joseph just nods, and Caesar carries on.

“But back there you got. really fucked up over what I did and. I guess I just wanna know Why so I know not to do that again?” and with that even He thinks he’s done but then he adds: “You’re my friend.”

And that’s such a fuckin clumsy way to end it bc he can’t say the rest of it, the “I know this here isn’t about comfort but I want you to be comfortable anyway” and “the world is shit and I don’t wanna be another person who hurt you” and “I love you.” So he just leaves it at that.

Joseph automatically wants to go “that’s easy, don’t take my clackers then, dipshit” but like. 1, Caesar is being v v nice so he Won’t be mean in return and 2, there’s so much more connected to his Weirdness that could set him off the same way besides his clackers being taken. So instead he just really appreciates the sentiment and Caesar in general and decides that it’s all a too big a can of worms for him to wrangle and he’d rather just weather the painful parts as they come

“It’s fine, you wouldn’t get it anyway, it’s fine.”

“Why?”

“I dunno, just no one gets it! Whatever, it’s weird shit.”

“If you think I don’t get it, fine, then explain it to me!”

And Joseph doesn’t know what to fuckin Say to that bc no one besides his family has ever asked him to do that. It was always just being told to put his stim toys away and stop moving too much and oh fuck just shut up already, never Why.

He makes a vague noise bc he forgets how to Words for a moment bc of that, and Caesar takes it as a question.

“Jojo, we’re gearing up to fight a bunch of gods with ancient magic so that we can get two rings of poison out of your body, and you really think I can’t handle ‘weird’? Because I can, thank you very much, and it’s You, so I don’t Care if it’s weird anyway.

(He ignores the huge fuckin implications of that and just keeps talking.)

"So, will you explain so that I can understand?”

And he’s Smiling and how Dare and oh fuck when did Joseph even manage to look at him again. He stares for a lil too long bc What The Fuck before he goes “Okay.”

And Caesar’s smile grows into a grin like he really is just. genuinely happy to understand this part of Joseph and make sure he doesn’t hurt him again, and Joseph braces himself for an awkward conversation with Hopefully a happy ending.

(And Joseph ends up being right bc Caesar doesn’t Understand, he can’t really fully understand.

But he Tries and more importantly he Listens and he Learns and is v adamant about the fact that Joseph isn’t Weird and Wrong when it comes to these things. So he doesn’t take away the clackers again and he finally connects the dots about why Joseph always lets him lean too much of his weight on him even if he risks toppling the two of them over and so he keeps doing it. He learns Joseph’s hyperfixations and how to prod him into talking about them to make him happy or distract him from shitty things, and what it looks like when his RSD kicks in and how to act around it.

Maybe he doesn’t Get It but it’s part of Joseph, and he loves all the other parts of Joseph too. And also tbh he’s a decent fuckin human being, even if he didn’t love Joseph so much he still wouldn’t act like an asshole about this stuff.)

Hi CJ, I have a question. I'll understand if you don't want to answer it, but what are your thoughts about the fighting about Lou and Vi that keeps happening? Do you think thier routes are unequal? I keep seeing posts about ppl insisting that the devs favor Vi and ppl getting nasty towards her about it. I love Louis and sometimes I agree with the posts but they are so mean about it that it makes me feel bad. You don't have to answer but I'd like to know your thoughts on the whole thing. Thank u

…….Sigh.

Okay. 

Anon, I’m sorry that it’s taken me a while to get back to you, given all the things I’ve had weighing down on me recently about my blog and life outside the fandom.

I answered this already and was ready to post it but then erased everything. When I reread it to make sure it was alright, I said, “Yeah, okay, that’s really nice and positive and… I don’t like it.”  So, let me try again and get what’s really on my mind off my chest. 

Basically, there’s a difference between being positive and being fake, and that answer I gave you originally was fake. 

You guys know that I like to remain mostly positive about everything on this blog. I don’t tolerate hate towards each other or towards myself. I rarely answer hate anons, if ever. I don’t start shit with other blogs because they happen to disagree with me on one little thing. 

Yeah, I get mad about things and complain and be anything but positive when it comes to topics such as Mitch’s death, Lilly’s character just in general, the flaws with ep4′s ending, ect. If you’ve been here a while, you know what I’m talking about.

When I talk about positivity, I mean it more in a way that I like to focus on the good within the fandom while also discussing things I would’ve liked within the series or things I didn’t like and would’ve changed, certain ‘what if’ scenarios. I try to do these things with a kind and optimistic outlook while also allowing myself to be truthful in how I feel. 

What I’m trying to say is I try to be a good person on here. I try to be nice, respectful and encourage you guys to create good things within the community and get invested in these characters and other topics. 

However, I also firmly believe in honesty. 

You asked for my opinion on this topic? Okay. I’ve yet to ever give a fake answer and I’m not starting now. 

If you’re new here: Hello. My name is CJ and I am a Louis/Clouis blog who loves twdg and discussing all the different characters, ships, and story elements within the game. I’m about to talk about some stuff with full honesty that it may get me some hate but y’know what? I don’t care, we’re gonna discuss it anyway. 

What are my thoughts on the constant fight between Louis/Clouis and Violet/Violentine?

It’s a waste of time. 

There are so many talented people out there who are wasting their energy on sending hate to each other, making nasty posts about the developers, shitting on the characters and the community, and then constantly wondering why this fandom is so damn negative.

I made an instagram account a long time ago for this blog where I started posting my favorite screenshots of Louis and posts from this blog. I followed the #twdglouis and #clouis tags and was seeing a lot of great things until I wasn’t anymore. 

I don’t post on instagram anymore because it’s a shitshow of hate. What’s new in the #clouis tag? Violentine hate. What’s new in the #twdglouis tag? Violet hate. 

I don’t know if y’all know this, but if I’m in any of the Louis tags, it’s because I want to see some good Louis content. OBVIOUSLY.

I swear, if these people sat down, took ALL of that energy they’re using for this nonsense and put it towards the thing they claimed to love, we would have the most amazing content of any fandom out there. I would be able to check the louis tags every day and see brand new, beautiful artwork and read amazing stories. 

But no.

 As for your second question, that’s where my honesty really comes into play.

Do I think Louis and Violet’s routes are unequal?

Yeah, I do. 

I think Violet’s romance has a few more things to offer than Louis’.

When you go fishing with Violet and Brody, you don’t get a choice- you have to hang out with Violet. 

If you go hunting with Louis and Aasim, you have to choose Louis if you want to hang out with him. 

Brody mentions that she hasn’t seen Violet warm up to someone like she has Clem in a long time. 

Not a single person mentions anything about Louis in regards to Clem coming along. 

Violet stands up for Clementine in ep2 no matter what you do. She takes on the leader position and you can imply that she and Clementine spent the most time together during the two week time skip, making their romance feel more balanced and understandable.

Louis is still on iffy terms with Clementine and you can imply that they barely speak until their talk during the archery practice, making their romance feel rushed and questionable. 

Violet’s romance has a star gazing mini-game.

Louis’ romance does not have a mini-game. 

Violet makes Clementine a pin so that they can remember that night because it was easy to retexture one of Violet’s pin and have Clementine wear it.

Louis can’t give Clementine anything because the idea of a piano key necklace was scrapped even though they could’ve made a small model for it for her to wear. 

I’m sure there are more, and yeah if I’m being completely 100% honest with you? It does bother me sometimes and it’s okay if it bothers you, Anon. What really matters is what you do with those feelings. 

Because y’know what?

Just because I can play a mini-game in Violet’s route doesn’t make me like her more Louis, but it also doesn’t make me want to spam hate posts about her. 

Complaining and whining and talking shit about the developers because so many believe Violet is favored over Louis isn’t going to do anything. 

Melissa saying she prefers violentine doesn’t make me want to drop everything clouis because “Oh Melissa said it so it’s canon even though we went over this her word doesn’t mean anything.” 

Sterling not being on the commentary while Gideon is doesn’t mean anything. 

The ending stats don’t mean anything. 

The hateful people on here and instagram don’t mean anything. 

None of it means anything. 

The only thing that means something is you and how you deal with this.

Clouis is the love of my life, as I’ve said many times. 

I love Violet. I think she’s a great character and I appreciate the happiness she and violentine have brought to many people in our community. 

All the things listed above? They may bother me sometimes, but I can and have written fanfics that have solved this problem. I’ve talked with you guys about it, talked about how I will be forever bitter about a lack of piano mini-game while also sharing cute headcanons and gushing about the wonderful clouis moments we do get in canon. I’ve read amazing clouis fanfics and admired beautiful fanart. 

I don’t pick fights, I don’t write hate posts, I don’t shit on the devs [although I will admit that I’ve thrown my fair share of shade at Kent but that was over Mitch’s death so that’s completely different right? …Right?]  or throw little baby tantrums because someone said something I don’t like or someone doesn’t like Louis or WHATEVER. 

I focus on better things, like this blog, you guys, Louis, Clouis, and many other better things. 

Anon, as I’ve said before, all this nonsense is just that: nonsense and a waste of time. It’s okay to feel the way you do but I encourage you to take those feelings a create something better with them. If you, or anyone, ever want to talk about this more, feel free to DM me. If something like this is bothering you, I am more than happy to try and help you. 

Alright, that’s enough brutal honesty for one night. 

I don’t think I’ve ever admitted to thinking that about the different routes so I’m a little nervous about that, but I’m also not going to pretend that I think they’re equal just to remain neutral and “positive.” It’s actually kind of cathartic to get it off my chest… huh. 

God, I hope this post got across everything I tried to say because I don’t want to rewrite it again.

Also, drinking game: take a shot every time I say positive or a variation of honest. 

Unless your underage. Then use apple juice or something. 

I don’t know what I’m typing anymore ignore me

20-30!

Thank you so much for asking!!!!

20. Favorite character to write?

Already answered, but I don’t mind re-answering cuz I thought maybe I’d narrow my three way tie, but alas, no lol. Still a tie between Ahkmenrah, Snafu, and Skwisgaar.

21. Least favorite character to write? 

Ooh-tbh, Larry from NATM just because I feel like I always make him an asshole? Like, I haven’t published all my fic ideas for NATM because I keep making him really mean? And in some it works but in others I’m like ‘jesus chill Lee he’s just a Dude trying his best’ but also at the same time I feel the way Stiller played him and his character arc means he’s got some major ego to him as the films go on? Idk that isn’t a hot take or anything just me being frustrated with Ben Stiller lol

22. Favorite story you’ve ever written? 

Hard choice, because I love all my kids, but I cried after writing this one lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

It hit some personal stuff for me, so to be able to have it work organically in a fic so I could also like, mini therapy session myself? Cool af. Also, ppl seemed to like this a lot too, and while that validation isn’t the only reason I write, it’s always cool when my writing makes ppl happy. 

23. Least favorite story you’ve ever written? 

I don’t really have a least favorite, but I do have some I’m more frustrated with, due to how long they took me to write, etc. Currently? The answer to this is my Mark the Date series because A. it is taking me a day and an age to finish it and B. I feel like it kinda flopped, so it’s hard to pull up any energy to finish it, but like...I may as well now lol. I’ll get it done eventually.

24. Favorite scene you’ve written? 

Oh god tbh I have too many I love just cuz like

I can go back to how I felt writing them and yeah

But as of most recent fics, I really this bit: 

-Snafu patted the blanket near his head, and waited for Eugene to put out his pipe and lay back beside him before snuggling close to him. “You could be right. Could be God. Could just be love.” “How’s that?” “I think love has its own way. Even before you meet someone, even before you know you’re fallin’ for ‘em. Love’s just…out there, like the air or somethin’. Finds you when the time is right, and finds who you click with. You gotta do the rest, the stayin’ in love part, but that bringing together, that first spark…that’s love just existing, and doin’ what it needs to so the world keeps spinnin’, so people make it through tough shit,” Snafu replied. “I like that,” Eugene said. “Think love did a good job with us. Makin’ sure we found each other.” Snafu pressed a kiss softly to the corner of Eugene’s mouth. “Sure did. Wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone else. I don’t even know what that looks like, and I don’t want to.” “Same here,” Eugene’s mouth was warm as he kissed him back. “Here’s to love for making sure you found me.” -

from this fic: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186926226531/absolution-is-the-taste-of-your-lips

Because I’m sappy af more than I let on, and also this was a chance to like, write out my own feelings via Snafu. And that was a pretty cool and fulfilling thing for me, ya know? 

25. Favorite line you’ve ever written? 

oh god this is another hard one to narrow down but

I always come back to this line and go ‘oh shit did I really write that. Nah, someone better than me at this had to have. They briefly possessed me or something”:  

-Music and talking and shouting and footsteps collide kaleidoscopic in his ears, but none bearing the one sound that he’d run to if he heard it.-

from this fic, mentioned twice now in this post lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

I really love alliteration, and for me this line just sums up how it feels to walk thru a city when you aren’t just wandering really, but are looking or waiting for someone, and have that awful yet sometimes good feeling of expecting to hear or see them but it feels like you’re waiting or searching forever and in the meantime the city just lives on around you, a stopped platelet stuck in a vein full of vitality. Like, idk if it hit any of my readers that way, but that’s what I was trying to get across lol, so the line always hits me hard in a good way when I scroll thru my writing tag and see it. 

26. Story you’re most proud of? 

Gosh

I gotta choose just one kid for this aldsfkja I’m bad at choosing I love my gaggle of ragtag goofballs. I have an original piece I’d choose for this, but I’ve never posted it on here, so I’m gonna choose out of my fanfic on here instead.

One I am really proud of is this one: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

and I know it’s the third time it’s been part of an answer on here but

I really love this one idk. Thinking back to how I felt while writing it, how it all flowed in a certain way. The whole experience was just something else, and I’m proud of this one in a certain way I find myself, funnily enough, unable to describe. 

27. Best review you ever got? 

Okay this sounds cheesy but like

I really do love and appreciate every review or review-like thing I’ve ever gotten so I can’t choose just one for this

Like, y’all gotta understand, I’ve deleted some of it and erased traces of it from my blog, but I’ve written for years on here, I have some stuff on my ao3, and for the longest time I got nothing back, or very nearly nothing. Maybe a few likes, but no comments and not much else. I always just rolled with it and assumed I just wasn’t writing anything good enough to inspire reviews. Idk if that’s true or not, but in any case it means I cherish every comment, like, reblog, and anything review-like in nature because I’m so grateful to have it now, and I know it could well be pure luck that I stumbled up on a really supportive bunch of fandoms with great readers. 

In other words, thank y’all for every kind word and like and reblog and also I may be an immortal feeding off of validation of my art, but we’ll see on that last bit, because I haven’t tested it. 

28. Worst review you ever got?

One from middle school. I’d just finished my very first novel, gave it to a friend to read, and he said it ‘smacked of being too fanciful and childish, something only kids and women would read’ (it was a YA fantasy novel so I mean... what exactly he expected, idk cuz he knew what it was before I gave it to him, like it’s supposed to have those elements as a lot of these sorts of novels/stories do, and that isn’t a bad thing about them at all, so like...what his damage was idek.)

Also this is the same dude who texts me randomly and is really weird abt his friendship with me and happens to be an English teacher now (RIP to his students.) 

Anyway, after he said that I tossed a review right back, because well, middle school and also I was very upset with him because I’d not asked for anything other than a general ‘if you picked this up randomly and started it, would it suck you in enough to keep reading or would you put it down’ like that was literally all I needed him to answer for me. So I told him his latest novel (his second at that point) was essentially just him masturbating to his own opinions (because he’s an arguer, who loves to tell ppl they’re always wrong, and that’s by his own admission) for one hundred pages, and not in a way that anyone else would care to read. He was pissed, but so was I. We didn’t talk for a good week, and we had almost all our classes together lol. 

Like, getting nothing back in review sucks too, but this one has stuck with me forever. Best part? I mentioned it to him a few years back, and he only vaguely remembered it, and followed it with “but I’ve said a lot of rough stuff about your work. I mean, it deserved it at the time, but you might be good at this someday!” 

I didn’t smack him, but I really, really wanted to. 

29. Favorite story/poem of another author

This doesn’t specify on Tumblr or not, so I’ve got two: one from outside tumblr, and one from on here.

A. When I have Fears That I May Cease to Be by John Keats

When I have fears that I may cease to be   Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,Before high-pilèd books, in charactery,   Hold like rich garners the full ripened grain;When I behold, upon the night’s starred face,   Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,And think that I may never live to trace   Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,   That I shall never look upon thee more,Never have relish in the faery power   Of unreflecting love—then on the shoreOf the wide world I stand alone, and thinkTill love and fame to nothingness do sink.

B. Again, this Tumblr one could be a huge ass list because y’all on here are amazing, but one I’ve been rereading over and over again recently is @xmxisxforxmaybe ‘s Remnants series, which can be found here: https://xmxisxforxmaybe.tumblr.com/post/186702235396/remnants-complete-work

Like, Ahk as a character is captured so well, and I love the way the plot twines and also when the smut comes up? Very good A+ smut, something I value pretty highly on and off Tumblr because man, sometimes smut is just work to write, so I appreciate it when it’s really good. All around, this series has captured my heart and I legit have a link to it saved on multiple devices so if I need something to read, I can just pull it up right away. 

30. Hardest part of writing? 

Self-doubt. It’s the biggest hurdle for any artist, regardless of the art in question I think, but with writing it seems to double down a lot. Like, you have to really get out of your own head, even as you spend all your time there with your writing ideas. Shit gets weird and twisted, man. 

For the longest time, I really let self-doubt defeat me too, and I regret the time I lost to that. I still get hit with it randomly, cause I don’t think it every really goes away for any writer, not even the big names like Stephen King or Neil Gaiman (who I’m half tempted to @ on here purely because I wanna know his feelings on this stuff because I respect and admire him as an artist and his thoughts very much, but also he’s a very busy man so I’m not gonna bug him by doing that lol.) 

All there is to do is to work with it, push past it, and most importantly keep writing. I have days where that feels like the hardest thing, but each day I manage to get past it and get the words down? I let myself feel proud of that, and mark it as an achievement in my Big Book of Stuff I’ve Done in This Life. 

I also want to talk about Dramione.

Many persons think this is literally the ship from hell, that it’s really awful and toxic and unrealistic.

I just want to say  that there are generally 2 kinds of Dramione relationships written in fics.

1. The unexplainable, random love to hate (often driven by lust), toxic kind of relationship.

2. The relationship borne of MAJOR character development (especially on Draco’s part) which forces Draco to see muggles/muggleborns as human, but still retains his cockiness, sharp tongue and generally cold behavior.

1.

Now, as a teenager I definitely used to read these. Don’t ask me why, because I couldn’t tell you. I guess it was the allure of the “bad boy falls for good girl” bullshit. But I now realize how gross and toxic these specific situations really are. These Dramione fics have Hermione UNEXPLAINABLY drawn to Draco and getting wet over him in the span of 2 paragraphs. Literally, he smirks at her and she feels her panties dampen. As if he wasn’t just calling her a mudblood and wishing death on her and her friends. Draco is often physically attracted to her as well, but continues to address her with slurs, treat her like shit and humiliate her in public. However she is still in love with him (for what reason??? WHAT??) and can’t help but impale herself on his cock whenever the opportunity arises. THESE are the toxic and nonsensical fics. An example of this is Isolation by Bex-chan. Now, I’m not bashing Bex-Chan as an author. Fanfiction is a space to create whatever the hell you want and she’s a damn good writer. I used to love this fic as a teenager too. But rereading it I see many things that don’t make sense... Draco has such a strong hatred towards Hermione but in the next breath he finds himself inexplicably drawn to her? Perhaps it’s just my dry and horrid lack of a love life, but I can’t imagine being so intensely attracted to someone I absolutely abhor. The logic just isn’t there. I also can’t stand fics in which Hermione takes the god awful treatment and lets Draco walk all over her until he may or may not kinda feel guilty about it, because that is NOT what Hermione Granger would do. Fanfics allow you to develop characters as you wish, but that shit is just plain OOC. What reason would Hermione Granger, bad bitch extraordinaire (even if she was a bit snobby) have to allow that ferret to walk all over her and put her friends in danger? Nah.

2.

Draco has a rude awakening and is FORCED to see the err of his ways, is forced to come to terms with the fact that he’s a racist turd, is forced to realize muggles/muggle borns are human. Whether it be through picking up the pieces of his family after the war, realizing he does NOT want to murder innocent people, or realizing that Hermione is an exceptional witch and everything he was taught about her kind was utter and complete garbage.

What I like about these fics is that they don’t change the privileged, arrogant , sharp tongued part of Draco. He’s still a snake. And I can appreciate that because I myself am a Sytherin. But he’s more well rounded. Usually these fics start after the war, with the characters in their twenties. Draco has undergone massive character development which may or may not have been detailed throughout the fic. He isn’t perfect; usually he still has some learning to do- and we know Hermione is always happy to teach people. But he’s capable of loving, and I think Snape showed us just how intense Slytherins are with the ones they love. Additionally, Draco’s hedonistic nature brings out Hermione’s untapped sexuality, his intelligence challenges her, keeps her excited and interested. All without treating her like the scum of the earth!! Imagine that. Once we take away the pureblood elitism and cowardice, Draco and Hermione make a phenomenal couple, for those of us into cliche romance (cough me cough). The bullshit hate-to-love trope I love so much can even be applied here without it being toxic. A perfect example of the is The Fallout by EveryThursday. That fic is a hell of a ride but it’s GOLDEN.

I really wish JK had given Draco more character development in the book. For one thing, so much could have been done with his character. But I guess it was mostly about Harry and making Harry look good, and it seems all the characters were written to this end.

I had never thought of it, however, until I saw Tom Felton actually PLAY Draco in the films. He did a DAMN good job- I mean all of the actors/actresses were spot on in my opinion (I know many ppl disagree), but I feel Tom brought a life to the character that not even the books was able to convey. I read the novels as a child, from age 7 or so til my mid teens, so maybe that’s why I didn’t look too deep into Draco’s character. Til the movies, I honestly just saw him as a cowardly asshole who turned a bit darker towards the end.

Anyways, that concludes my analysis of Dramione. I hope those of you who hate the ship might give some of the more realistic fics a try!

idk why

ppl want to be fake friends like i’d rather have real friends or no friends but i don’t get why ??? ppl rly wanna try n be my fake friend like no listen i’m sorry but i can’t be ur friend on the day u feel lonely n a stranger when ur thriving and omg!!!! this one rly just told me my expectations are too high bc get this! i asked her to consider me like o ok lol so you’re rly telling me in ur twisted idea of a friend I’m not allowed to expect u to care abt me like isn’t that only the literal definition of a friend my mistake??? bc i totally get having no expectations of ppl and all that but at the end of the day when ur then best friend decides to ignore ur existence then come back into ur life whenever they feel like it? like my problem isn’t that ur trying to come back into my life i’m open to whatever ok but when u can’t have consistent intentions to be a good friend u auto = fake aka nobody ???? i GET that ppl mess up obv i’m not perfect either but it’s just admitting that and actually understanding where u went wrong n at least making an honest effort of not doing it again that is SO CRUCIAL

wow wow wojeofiae and like it’s just soooo funny when ur pride is the fucking reason we’re not friends??? like if ur ego is what’s holding u back i rly don’t need someone so easily swayed by that bs in my life? so no i’m not gonna try or give a fuck abt u if ur idea of a friend is not aligned w mine like and if it isn’t that’s fine we don’t have to be friends uk but like idk it sucks tbh bc i’ve been sooo transparent abt how ur lack of words/actions hurt me so bad so u literally know but don’t do anything w this knowledge??? n still wanna try and talk to me like we’re friends after?? fuck no

it’s sad that 2 of my absolute best friends did this to me in diff ways but like this is the underlying pattern n it just hurts so bad when the person ur the closest to in the world and has learned the most abt u and has been thru sooo many ups and downs just one day decides that ur not important to them anymore uk??? like and when they come back later bc of c that’s what they always fucking do! they expect it to be like the old days and make u feel like ur fucking crazy for being hurt when they literally just left u in the dark. it was so painful to grieve thru that period without u bc i had to feel what it was like when u turned ur back on me and yes it was v fucking cold bc when i was ur friend it was all sunny days n that was a stark contrast but 

also these past few days rly just make me wanna ask u why tf are u so fucking bipolar and a passive aggressive cunt to me one second and talking to me in ur bubbly tone like im ur friend legitimately 2 seconds later bc oh u just remembered u can use me for this thing or that??? i’ve literally never met an angrier or immature person? like ok obv i’m just off one on this rant so i’m gonna explain just how this girl tried me today! so she’s my roommate n keep in mind like i have told her explicitly my problem w her is that she hurt me when she didn’t communicate w me n went mia like i said this multiple times so no guess work needed n anyway today i was playing music in our room and guess what this girl does!!! puts her music on louder than mine! at first i was like?????????????? literally what? LIKE DID U RLY!!!!!!!!! JUST DO THAT LOL it was rly too much for u to tell me u wanted to play ur music???? i was honestly amazed and was like ok like obv this just sounds like shit at this pt n tbh all i wanted to do was just ask u why u felt that u didn’t want to tell me u wanted to play ur music? but then i checked myself and remembered ur words that i am expecting too much of u when i ask why u don’t care to communicate certain things so i guess it’s too much to ask u this too so like what now? n i just turned my music off after this internal resolution that u literally told me i can’t expect anything from u aka i can’t ever expect u to show up for me so like who is someone to u that is there one day and not the next?? like a relationship needs a degree of stable commitment and if i can never count on u why would i want to waste my time waiting on u to fuck up / my breath for calling u my friend? 

the ppl i’m lucky enough to call my friends are ppl that i’m inspired by and i’m not saying ur an ugly person like obv u have parts of u that are so beautiful and that’s who i saw in u before but like if u keep showing me how ugly u can be don’t blame me if u singlehandedly broke my trust in u ??? AND ANYWAY LOL if ur reading this still the CHERRY on top of it all and what actually got me fucking mad is this !!!! girl!!!! asked me for a bandaid a breath after i turned my music off. like. o. ... .m. . . m. g. i just honestly couldn’t believe it n w her cheery ass tone like this is what i’m talking abt how u only matter to them when they need u!!! i was debating asking her abt the music thing now that she decided i was worth speaking to but literally it just wasn’t worth it to hear another one of ur excuses??? i would’ve loved to see what u would’ve twisted out of that situation tbh but i was also like ok like i don’t wanna help u bc ur a cunt but then i was like uk what! she wins if i’m a bitter person bc of her by telling her no so i let her have my stupid bandaid but talk to me like we’re friends one more time and i swear to fucking god !!!!! i won’t be so silent 

n my friends are like r u gonna be friends w her after n i’m like ? what friend treats a friend like this ????????? like real q? this is not a friend. why would i say yeah i’ll be friends w her just to make her happy? no bitch my one requirement to be my friend is to act like a fucking friend and if u tell me that’s expecting too much of u like ok but u have to understand! this is my definition of a friend i can’t be ur friend then ! stop half ass trying!!!!!! either leave me tf alone or the moment u choose to decide (and actually act like) u wanna be real to me is when i consider u my friend again uk!! i’m not gonna hold ur shit over ur head but idk i feel like it’s bc they think that i will that they don’t try or honestly i don’t know their reason why but all i do know is there’s a blatant discrepancy between their words and their actions. for both of them but like the one who did this to me first even apologized to me and like i honestly rly appreciated that like it was only! a year and a half late lol but still i was happy but then they went ahead and did them and i haven’t heard of them since! like ok COOL so u just wanted to say we’re friends then go away again like that’s what i’m saying i don’t get it why do ppl want to be fake friends? what’s the pt????????? wow ok these are just the questions that i’m asking myself rn it like tears me apart that the ppl who know me best can’t bother to act like my friend when they wanna still have the perks of calling me a friend ! literally if any of them were to hit me up and put an attempt that lasts o idk beyond a single day to be my friend then i’m down i’m there but don’t fucking tell me i have high expectations for thinking ur my friend yeah obv i’m rly frustrated at everyone for complicating everything like clearly i care so much abt these ppl and that’s why i’m hell bent on trying to make myself feel ok for not taking them back bc as much as i love them i have self respect and literally it would just become an emotionally abusive relationship if i try to engage in a friendship where the friend would just let me down every day like i already have my own shit i’m dealing w why tf would i want to put myself thru unnecessary pain?

like everyone knows when ur being genuine or not. the recent one gave me a fake apology and it was so clear it was fake and last night she even admitted that it was n that she doesn’t think she needs to apologize and like i’m just like ......... so let’s just say i forgot that u can’t stick to ur word ok.... did u rly just have to remind me again?! this is what i’m talking abt it’s just painful and i can’t be ur friend if u can’t be real w me ok that’s all if anyone wants to be a human w me say hi like i rly don’t think anyone reads this so i was gonna delete my tumblr so long ago bc like whats the pt if no one sees u but then i realized how fucking cool that is and how liberating it is to just like put ur thoughts out into the interweb like journal writing is cool n all but on the off chance someone other than me does happen to see this then hi ur only looking at my deepest thoughts so i might as well know who u r lol but like if not (prob) then that’s ok i’ll just lol at myself when i reread this later! as stressful as this is like omg i’m graduating next week and i won’t have these kinda petty problems anymore and like that’s cool when that happens but idk i’m just not ready to grad f m u so ik as like annoying as this is and as stressed as i am abt my classes and assignments and finals and the future i’m eternally grateful for my education n like that’s why i don’t wanna leave! it’s the little things like tn i was at a coffee shop studying w friends n in the car ride back me n one of them were talking abt that one cute barista like he doesn’t matter but having someone to just say whatever the fuck u want w n confide in! it’s these little pleasures that i just love so much!!! n like i didn’t even notice but my friend brought to my attn like how he was acting kinda dumbstruck when he was talking to us n i was like lol fuck ur right that’s fucking hilarious n i had a new thing to laugh abt that i wouldn’t have if i had experienced it alone uk! like talking is literally what allows a relationship to flourish so w these 2 ppl where they just don’t communicate w me like that sounds like such a small flaw but the reason why it’s such a problem is that it literally stunts the friendships growth! how can we connect and etc if u can’t share what’s rly going on w me??????? or like why do u feel u don’t need to talk abt the truth?????? but ya as i was saying lol it’s ok i’ll just have to grind until i can get into my next school (hopefully, someone take me pls lol sos) but ya idk i suffer a lot during school but tbh it’s my fav ever so i’m so sad i’m graduating!!!!!! but like the only thing that’s making it ok is bc all of us are saying the same thing and it’s comforting that even tho we all dk what the fuck is going on i’m not the only one 

so mostly sad bc i’m gonna miss my real friends here soooooooo much like w all my heart omg nothing will be the same again and i’m not ready! i’ll miss being seconds away and the fact that i can go over or call them like hoe get ready bc we’re going to the beach that’s down the street!!!! at my parents place the beach is half an hour away and i was in love but u had to drive like an extra 15-30 min to get to even nicer beaches n bruh let me tell u i rly did myself right by going to a school an actual 5 seconds away from the beach and granted besides us students it’s a rich white conservative person area but still it’s in a cute n clean area?? omg like this is just as good as it gets uk??? so ya blessed to be stressed 

!?!?@#

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️