i woke up from a strange dream today.

tw: death, animal death, blood, weird dream shit

in the dream, i discovered "vermin" in the apartment. the first was a snake i killed by snapping its neck w tongs, and i placed it in a laundry bin to gather blood while i found a cleaner way to dispose of it. i was in a hurry bc my mom had just told me that we had family coming. in my search for a trash bag, i found some sort of gerbil in a pantry (?) and i killed it too. but since this kill was less messy, i shoved the dead gerbil in a corner and continued on my search for a trash bag.

since i was taking too much time to prepare for the guests and my mom and sister were getting on my case, i revealed to them that i'd found vermins and i needed help getting rid of the bodies. corpses, i call them. to which my mom argued that i can't tell that they're corpses if i've never seen them alive. and that left me frozen for a bit cus like, i most definitely saw them alive. (and that gave me a sudden flashback to previous dreams i've had this week that i'd forgotten til now: i'd be home on a regular day off and see bodies around me and my mom would keep arguing w me that not every limp body i see is dead or a corpse.) i snapped out of it w my sister saying that i certainly knew what i was talking about and to stop questioning my knowledge.

neither decided to help me tho. which pissed me off bc i killed the creatures for them? cus otherwise they'd freak out and i'm the only one qualified for the job in this household. i'm the protector. even tho i was scared i did it anyway and they dared to act like the killing was nothing for me? anyway, i got over the anger and went looking again for a bag when i saw in my bedroom that someone was there. it was a cousin i haven't seen in yrs and he looked just like that one picture of him we have in the living room, where he looks young and clean and dapper in a suit, but this time he was facing away from me, and wouldn't turn around no matter how long i stared at his back.

so i went back out of the bedroom and told my sister abt what i saw, to check if i was hallucinating or not. she told me he'd been there for a while, wtv that means. i didn't respond and instead went to dispose of the snake bc i could see in my mind's eye that the blood pool was growing. i put it in a small bag i found but had trouble tying it up, and got blood on my fingers but wasn't as grossed out as i thought i should. then when i stood up to take care of the gerbil, i heard the guests being let in at the front door and i woke up.

-

so i guess my question is: wtf. what the fuck??? what???? tu peux pas dire que c'est un cadavre si tu l'as jamais vu en vie? quoi? huh???

see 0 note flop posts aren't that bad when they're personal but 0 note fandom posts feel literally so bad. like if you don't wanna play toys with me anymore just say that. i'll pack up my super cool awesome things and go and i'll sit on the other side of the playground by myself and i won't even look at you. fuck

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

we go just right.

Genuinely loved the experience of being at camp for the first time and seeing all the companions with their tits out like they're all gonna go clubbin or some shit

Then there’s Gale

Who's just. So utterly swagless that his clothes smell like dusty old books. My man doesn't give a fuck about the drip he's getting his ass ready for bed

at the end of the day it's not that you hate your job - actually, you like working, you like routine, you like feeling like an adult - it's that any time you fuck anything up, you feel like you're fucking dying.

because you could be actually fucking dying. because if one day you wake up and you misunderstood something - you could lose your job, and nobody is hiring, and nobody is paying, and nobody takes people like you, and that job you want hasn't gotten back to you. and what exactly are you going to do without insurance? good luck with those meds. you should have thought of that before being a person.

so it's not just that you forgot to CC someone on an email, it's that if you don't have this job, you can't afford rent. it's not that you misread a comment, it's that if you get fired, you will be in massive amounts of unpayable debt. it's not that you are bad at your job, but here are the stakes as they have been decided for you: be perfect or fucking die. like, literally, die. that is how much safety net you have: none.

it's not burnout, technically. but you literally just had two typos in your work, and you're already picturing the ending. you want to throw up & curl up & make it all go away. it is two typos. if he decides he is mad at you, you lose literally everything.

your mom says that you seem stressed. the thing is that you have never known a job that isn't stressful. welcome to capitalism. there is no other road, only this one. what the fuck is a career. you come here, and we hold your life against the barrel of a gun, and somewhere someone is spinning the chamber and pulling. eventually the bullet will come.

you live in a mugging. your boss owns three cars and has four kids. you worry about having enough to feed your dog. good luck. beg for forgiveness. CC the right people next time and be grateful, kid. somebody has it worse than you. someone, probably, has it worse than you. so what if you can't sleep or eat or focus. your work chat sound literally makes you panic. you had to change the sounds of computer notifications so you'd stop having such an upset stomach.

welcome to the real world! the rat race! the dog eat dog circus!

your doctor studies the results and frowns at you. "it's bad for your heart," she says. "try to reduce your levels of stress."

With The Boy and the Heron, Miyazaki really said: I accept that my legacy is out of my control, that my children may not be my successors, that this tremendous monument I've built with a lifetime of toil, this fiery blessing that simply fell out of the sky, may not continue without me, In fact, it may crumble to dust, I accept it because my children and their children are alive and well, in this imperfect world, and thats enough. Yes, I accept that this is the end, but God damn, I'll go out with a bang.

pesky…snail?

one of the differences between good omens the show vs good omens the book that will always fuck me up is the post-bookshop fire scene. crowley goes from picking himself up, dusting himself off, accepting the loss of aziraphale and Just Driving Anyway to completely falling apart. i do get why people have gripes with it being changed so fundamentally, and i've thought about it a lot myself, but i've never been able to bring myself to get mad about it. i always circle back to how the book was written by two best friends. that drunken, wrecked, grief stricken scene was written in a post-pratchett world. he lost his best friend.

feels like a good time to bring this back

Yeah, I'm normal about him

AZIRAPHALE & CROWLEY + text posts

Finally got the time to fuel my new hyperfixation yippeee <3

as both a good omens and red dead enthusiast i feel robbed