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everafterkeiji · 3 years

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Song: Cheater by The Vamps

Summary: Kuroo's skills in reading a game has been expanded when he meets your boyfriend.

Pairings: Tetsuro Kuroo x fem! reader

Word count: 3.3k

Content, tags: mentions of cheating, a few cuss words, childhood friends to lovers!

A/N: this was such an impulsive moment🧍 Kuroo has been consuming my brain so here ya go fellow simps

“Am I obligated to?”

“It was his request, Tetsu.”

Kuroo groans while you stare at him wondering what’s so wrong about meeting with your boyfriend. He sees your clueless reaction but he sets it aside knowing you wanted this to happen in the first place. Although you didn’t push him, your boyfriend insisted. It was a sweet gesture because he took the time to understand that Tetsuro to you is just a friend and nothing else. Disregarding his jealousy of the intimidating volleyball player, he initiated the hang out.

Meanwhile, the proud captain was loathing the hours before he could even step into your boyfriend's house.

If you could pick one of the words to describe Kuroo, obviously one of them is self-aware.

Which is the antonym of what you have under your own dictionary.

Kuroo always puts his best during a match and he wasn’t looked upon for no reason. Of course, he’s observant out of the court too. So, when that boyfriend of yours came in to the picture—he wasn’t exactly keen on befriending him. All he can do is accept whatever that decision was because he did catch multiple glances where you were smiling and maybe seeing that put him at ease making him less worried with your relationship.

But his intuition is stronger than the actual belief that your boyfriend is all too good.

Besides, as a best friend, it was technically his job to be suspicious of the boy.

“I’ll go over there after practice.” You smile at his words before linking your arm with his as you both walk to your class.

“Hey, by Saturday can we play again?” You asked him while he looks down on you with a chuckle, loving that you had to ask even when you didn’t need to do.

“Why’d you ask anyway? Of course.”

It was admirable that your path of being with each other actually started with volleyball. At the age of 9 after a ball fled into your yard from the Kozume residence, Kuroo had knocked politely on the wall asking if he could get the ball back. Seeing that the wall felt like a building to you, you took the ball out of curiosity before going over to the place next door and handing him the ball.

Wherein Kuroo had to pause when he saw you.

Ever since then, you played volleyball with the two. You three joined Nekoma’s volleyball teams, even practicing together. You were thankful to have them not only they were tremendous at play but also, they were your most trusted friends and their judgement is always important. So, when you got into a relationship—it was a mix of everything.

Kenma was subtly supportive. He knew you were capable of picking what you deserve and if that boy doesn’t cause any trouble, then the setter is all for it. Kuroo, on the other hand, was hesitant.

If only he wasn’t in love with you—then maybe he could’ve given the poor boy some sign of approval.

After years of falling, his chances were already taken the moment you said your feelings were growing for a certain boy from your class. Though you were classmates with Kuroo, he eyed every boy that could be the suspect. At first, he was just curious because he hasn’t seen you interact with them before but then the second time was more on the worried side when he wondered what could’ve been missing from him that he had to find in another guy for answers.

Kenma had to assure him at some point. The blonde noticed Kuroo’s feelings ever since he saw the older boy teach you volleyball without him. He could evidently see the blush on his friends face whenever you’d land a compliment to Tetsuro. It even surprised Kenma when he knew Kuroo was still attached to his feelings after years of knowing you. He at least needed to say something before it takes a toll on him.

“You’re actually going, it’s funny.” The setter mocks though the blocker knew what he meant. How can he agree this easily anyway? He knew it’d make you happy but making room for someone after a practice instead of resting isn’t really a good circumstance.

“I know, I know. I’d be home in the next five minutes.” Kuroo jokes but when the practice finally ends, he kept his attention to his phone when he received the message for his location. He sighs tiredly while Kenma stifles a laugh.

“Don’t go then.”

“As if that wasn’t my plan beforehand.” Kenma rolls his eyes but bids goodbye to Kuroo knowing they’re not able to walk home together.

God, he was irritated.

It was rather a small thing to be pissed off about. Who knows? It could end well with the two of them but that stupid intuition is what’s dragging his feet. How could he ignore it anyway? Murmurs were like rumors that spread like wildfire when gossip has never been this good so when he heard a tiny conversation of a certain girl meeting with your boyfriend—he doesn’t know what held him back from throwing a punch to him right then and there but perhaps it was because you can’t judge too quickly. Rumors were rumors. If he believed it right away then it meant he was feeding off of the possibility that you’d be single again but he doesn’t think like that. His main reason was that he couldn’t bear to see you cry over a guy who simply didn’t deserve an ounce of sympathy—especially from you.

And right at the front of his door, a pair of a cheerleader's shoes were there.

You being a volleyball player and the shoes didn’t exactly connect.

“I’ll see you next time then?”

“Saturday?”

“I can’t. My— Y/N is making me play with her and that captain Kuroo.”

“You said you broke up with her!”

“Look- I will just wait will ya?”

And he’s heard enough.

Go inside, Tetsuro.

Defend Y/N.

Beat him.

But I can’t act on my own.

Gritting his teeth with a tight grip on the sling of his bag, he makes a forced decision.

Kuroo doesn’t even hesitate to walk away now. His pace is way heavier and faster compared to his slow ones before. He wished he carried a volleyball so he could directly throw it to his conniving face. He would’ve hit it like Oikawa during a power serve and scream incoherent profanities as he lands a punch or two. Without Kenma, the possibilities were endless when he couldn’t be held back.

The moment he enters his room, he immediately reaches for his phone and calls for Kenma since the rage was getting out of hand and he can’t focus on anything else apart from beating the heck out of your cheater of a boyfriend- well soon to be ex considering that he could never let you stay with him for another second. He walks around his room wondering which one was the best options to let you know as the setter has yet to answer his call.

“Fuck.” He mutters at the exact same time that Kenma finally picks up.

“What-”

“He’s cheating on Y/N.”

“Well shit.”

Kenma pauses his game once the words ring in his ears. He too feels the anger bubble inside him but soon it was replaced by worry when he realizes how unfortunate it was for Kuroo to be the one to witness it and actually be the person to face you with such a heavy topic.

“How are you gonna tell her?” He asks but Kuroo bites his lip at the question he’s been wanting to avoid. It was inescapable though. You were closer to him—too close that you two relied on each other to no end and would be each other's comfort at needed times. It was difficult for the both of you.

“He’s planning to break up with her on Saturday and she- fuck I don’t know what to do.” The troubled boy admits while Kenma sighs not finding a win in both situations or any of the options he and Kuroo thought of.

“Y/N will believe you. You just have to give her time when she denies it at first, I guess.” Kenma suggests while Kuroo runs a hand to his hair.

“God, I fucking hate him.”

“Who is it?”

“A fucking cheerleader— how low.” Tetsuro couldn’t sit straight. Every inch of his body was telling him to find your boyfriend and show him what a waste of energy he was. It had been three months since you introduced him and how does he gain that much of a confidence to cheat at such an early stage of your relationship? Was three months a normal pace to be bored? Too bored that he chose a cheerleader to make up for that ‘blandness'. God, if Kuroo was in that relationship—cheating could never be an option. How could he? He loved you too much that having a chance wasted like that is too big to risk or experience.

“Talk to him tomorrow.” Kenma says while Kuroo held his breath when he realizes how the tension would reek between him and your boyfriend.

“Yeah but-“

The notification sound on his phone echoed through the room and when he slides up to see whose it from, he sighs when it was from you.

Least annoying: how’d it go???

“Y/N messaged me.” He updates the blonde as his fingers hovered the keyboard wondering what lie was the most believable even if he felt guilty to do so but after deleting multiple answers, he just couldn’t t do it.

“We just have to talk to her tomorrow. I feel like she needs us more now—fucking prick of a boyfriend.” Kenma comments with spite in his voice. It wasn’t the first time where he cared too much that he too wanted to join Kuroo in a fit of rage to beat your boyfriend but Kenma is cautious of your emotions and thinks that when he does join in on the fight, it’d only bring you more stress.

But he can’t lie and say throwing a punch to the lying boy wasn’t going to bring him satisfaction.

“Okay. I have to go and think this through.” He bids goodbye to Kenma before hanging up and lying down on his bed with his mind racing nonstop—forgetting to text you in the midst of panic and rage. You didn’t mind the lack of reply, you knew he wasn’t really interested in going in the first place and he must’ve been exhausted from practice as well so you took a nap early.

Meanwhile, your best friend faced a sleepless night.

Kuroo and Kenma were caught off guard when first period ended and you were yet to arrive.

Does she know?

The break came in and there still wasn’t a sign from you but as they ate, a certain hand falls on Kuroo’s shoulder making the anger between him and Kenma ignite once they see your boyfriend.

“Hey, you didn’t stop by yesterday.” Your boyfriend informs him while Yaku and the rest of the team wonder what’s got their captain looking like he radiated flames around him. Kuroo then removes the hand from his shoulder while Kenma nudges the tense boy from losing control out in the cafeteria.

“I was tired,” he pauses to find words that wouldn’t just expose him right then and there, “I couldn’t make it.”

Your boyfriend nods, a sign that he was thankful that Kuroo didn’t come to destroy the time he shared with the cheerleader.

“Well, we got Saturday to catch up. I’ll see you then!” He leaves with a sigh of relief while Kuroo stands up from his table, unable to contain it anymore but two hands held him back. He turns to see Yaku and Kenma holding his arm as he hesitates to follow what they want him to do. He then takes a deep breath and sits down while the two sighed that Kuroo managed to stop.

“I don’t know what’s happening but you can’t just do it here.” Yaku says making Kuroo remain silent. Kenma agrees but he too felt the urge to follow his furious friend.

“Sorry.” Kuroo whispers and Yaku nods not pushing the topic any further but he’s got a clue on what could’ve happened. Seeing their captain in this state certainly was more than a duel between him and your boyfriend. Of course, they knew about his feelings for you so connecting a few dots, Yaku realizes how bad it was.

Classes went on and still no sign of you making the worry rise more between the two. By the time practice came on, the two expresses their frustration through volleyball and the rest of their teammates wonder why their play that night felt like they were in a serious match.

But they were playing a difficult role of being honest with you.

When Saturday rolled in, Kuroo was already at the place you told him to meet. Beforehand, he warns Kenma not to come knowing it’s more on his responsibility and the blonde obeyed him because he too wasn’t ready to face a confrontation like that but Kenma is more than ready to comfort you once the terrible news was given to you.

“Hey!” You greeted him with a smile while he stands up from his sit and hugs you immediately catching you by surprise. With a laugh, you hugged him back wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulls you closer hesitant to let your smile fall.

Then he notices how you were unaccompanied making him pull away seeing the opportunity to tell you while he wasn’t there but he still wasn’t ready.

“Y/N-”

“Hey babe, didn’t know you were already here but let’s play some volleyball!” He shouts with a façade of excitement. You smile at Kuroo before staying by his side instead of teaming up with your own boyfriend.

“One versus two huh?” Your boyfriend taunts while you serve the ball as he receives, initiating the start of the game. Every spike or receive had Kuroo send knives to his way with his sharp and accusing eyes. The lonesome of a player envied the way Kuroo caught the ball effortlessly and because you chose to be with the opposing team making the rally last longer due to Kuroo’s rage and your boyfriends' jealousy.

Once you managed to spike a ball strong enough to make your boyfriend fall from the failed attempt of receiving it, you cheered.

But with the course of happiness, you pulled Kuroo in from the collar of his shirt before taking your lips in his while your boyfriend remains frozen as the boy who was stupidly in love only made the rightful choice which was to kiss back and cherish the way he’s waited for this to happen. Getting a little too lost in the kiss, he cups your cheek bringing you closer and tucking your hair behind your ear with his free hand snaking around your waist, gripping it lightly to make sure it was actually happening.

You pull away softly, flushed cheeks and a smile on your face.

“What the hell Y/N!” Your boyfriend shouts but then he couldn’t exactly move because of how Tetsuro would react once he actually takes a step forward. Kuroo had his arms crossed in front of his chest staring at the boy up and down while desperately trying to act like his knees weren’t just about to give out after what happened.

“What’s wrong? If you need some kisses babe, why don’t you call that cheerleader of yours?”

Kuroo’s jaw drops to the floor—almost in sync with your boyfriend's similar reaction. The sweat rolls down his forehead, obviously intimidated by the two of you catching him in the act while Tetsuro protectively wraps his arm around you once again and as he watches for your features to fall, he was stunned.

You were smiling.

You leaned on Kuroo’s side while he registers how you knew with questions multiplying with every second.

“I want you to leave me the fuck alone and if you even try to deny it—I'll let Tetsu do the talking for me.” He smirks while your boy- ex boyfriend- scoffs making the two of you raise an eyebrow at his reaction.

You removed your position from Kuroo, taking a few steps to be in front of the cheater with a smile as you land a deserving and powerful punch to his cheek, making him stumble at the impact while the other boy was left speechless but nonetheless his heart races with the scene replaying in his mind. You shake your hand as Kuroo crouches down to meet your boyfriend with a smirk mocking the pain he was in.

“Have fun with her— she's a bore anyway.” You look at Tetsuro who let out a laugh as he pats the head of the fallen loser.

“No problem then. I’ll enjoy her as much as I can.” He then walks away, which turned down your expectations of Kuroo landing a punch as well. As the frustrated boy slowly stands up, Tetsuro pulls you against him with a finger to your chin raising it to meet your lip with his as your eyes remained on him while the boy had his eyes do the taunting who were fixated on your ex.

“After all, she’s always been mine.”

With the end of his sentence, he shifts his attention back to you before taking your lips again as the two of you smile. Your ex then walks away with a scowl as he throws his phone in frustration that he lost to Kuroo.

“Mind telling me how you knew, kitten?” He asks when he pulled away with his voice low, taking your heart by a storm.

“I got sick yesterday and when I came to school to get all the work I missed— I overheard you and Kenma talking about it.” He frowns when he realizes how bitter that must’ve been but he continues to ask, though you really couldn’t concentrate when his hand was caressing your waist.

“So, you knew all along?”

“I knew about it a few weeks ago when I read the messages on his phone. When he asked you to hang out, I figured you’d find out about it too.” Kuroo sighs of disappointment before speaking.

“I’m sorry you had to meet an asshole like that,” He says while you shook your head before he continues, “Why him though?” which made you blush.

“I couldn’t get over a certain boy and simply thought it would work but you obviously saw the outcome.” With your previous statement, he lets a smirk fall on his lips now that you couldn’t even look at him straight.

“And that certain boy is?” He edged on, his heart pushing him to confirm if it was actually him— that all the years he spent loving you might actually have you reciprocating those feelings.

“It’s you.” You confessed while your heart sets on fire that you finally admitted it. It was an awful attempt to cover your feelings in the first place. In all honesty, it was your fault. If you could’ve just admitted it right away then you’d end up with him instead of the asshole of a man you wasted time on but then again—the kiss was worth it to ever change your decisions.

“No no I wanna hear the full name.” He teases more making you roll your eyes. He then plants a kiss on the crown of your head with a satisfied smile as he internally cheers to not embarrass himself with the overwhelming glee. You also mirror the same state that he was in. Hearing Kuroo at the gym say how much he loves you was enough of an evidence that you should’ve picked him in the first place.

“Well then, should I make my previous statement official now?” You blushed but muttered a yes making Kuroo smile and take your hand, landing a peck on it as he intertwines them with his.

“All yours, Tetsu.”

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#kuroo x y/n #kuroo x reader #kuroo x you #hq kuroo #kuroo testuro #tetsuro kuroo #haikyuu kenma #kenma kozume

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marvelmymarvel · 4 years

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Hi just submitted a request and also I was just wondering if you have any tips for new writers on starting a blog and such?

Hello!! I got your request and I am excited to write it! It's very specific and if that means your 20th birthday is coming up then HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Now for the tips... (Aka things I wish I knew before starting this blog!)

Long post ahead so read if you want to know how I set up my stuff and some advice for beginning a writing blog <3

Story Setup and Ideas:

When starting a writing blog, begin writing for one fandom that you are truly passionate about. For me, it was Band of Brothers at the time which is why my blog is heavy with it. Now, I am a multi-fandom blog and knew I would be when I began and if you would like to be multi one day as well don't be afraid of starting small. It's best to start small and with one fandom so you don't feel overwhelmed.

Now that you have your one fandom, find your favorite character or characters and write!! Heres how I write a story:

Figure out the idea, this can come from a moment with a friend, something I saw, or a song I heard. Once this idea is in your head write it down!! I have papers full of ideas and when I get in the mood I will refer back to them.

Figure out the pairing. This should come with the first part but sometimes I don't know exactly WHO I want it to about so play around with the scenes in your head. Who is the reader kissing? Who fits with this song?? Who would fit the feel of this scene? Those are some of the questions I ask myself if I don't know a pairing.

Set up the post. This is something I wish I did in the first part of my blog as it took a long time to fix every post so they look the same. Heres how I have them set up and feel free to use or take from this setup for yourself <3. With the Text Post option:

Title

Pairing (Bolded and with the header size)

Synopsis: It was a rainy day in the park but he kept her warm inside.

Trigger Warnings: Blood (This isn’t needed if you have no warnings but you can have it anyway and just put none)

Song: Song Title - Artist (Link: ---------) (Again, not needed unless you have a song that you wish for people to listen to)

A/n: (Finally the authors note, again, it's not needed but I like to talk a lot lol)

Gif/Banner/Etc (Heres where I add a gif of the character I’m writing for or something else that kicks off the story and drags people in. If it's not your gif, either credit the owner if you can find them or simply say its not your gif. I just now began doing this as I have a lot of gifs that I obviously didn’t create and I want to credit them)

Story (Here I like to put a keep reading after a paragraph that is sure to bring a reader in. Your goal is to make them click that ‘keep reading’ option)

Tags: (If you have people that want to be tagged, add them here)

Hashtags: #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky Barnes imagine #bucky Barnes imagines (Basically for your hashtags at the end, make as many as you can but do not, I repeat DO NOT tag a character that is not important. For instance, if you are writing a story for bucky x reader and the reader has no important ties to steve do not include him. If there was a love triangle in which a reader will read both, then it is alright. Don't clickbait, that's all we ask ;) Adding to that, go ahead and just tag the character itself as well as the fandom!!)

That's how I set up my stories but I would like to let all the baby blogs know that Tumblr has this weird thing called an algorithm, and it sucks. You will not see your post show up on any of those tags for at least 48 hours. Once you post multiple things to that tag or they have ruled that you are not a bot then your stuff will show up. This was a stressor so I hope this knowledge calms you down :)

If you have a hard time with scenarios, ask for ideas!!!

Make rules if you are accepting ideas and don’t be afraid to turn down requests you don’t like/feel comfortable with. It will not alert the user that you deleted their ask so do not feel bad!

Stick to your rules and make sure your blog is a healthy and safe environment.

Once you are ready to move on to more fandoms, go ahead and try it out. If it becomes too much cut it back down. Also, don't be afraid to move away from the fandom you started in. Sadly, I am not as ‘intrigued’ with BOB like I once was. That doesn't mean you won't occasionally write for your beginning fandom but tastes change.

Do what makes YOU happy.

MENTAL HEALTH SECTION:

Because mental health is real and I want all of my baby blogs to be happy, I’m going to let you know some tips and tricks to stay calm.

Remember, this is a blog and you are able to step away for as long as you need if things get stressful.

Remember that the faithful and caring followers will stick around and support you no matter what. You aren’t alone and you don’t owe anyone anything.

I have like 5 requests in my inbox and I know that those who requested know I will get to it but if I don't, I don't. They will not attack me.

Any follower who attacks you should be reported and blocked immediately. Never let someone make you feel trapped.

When you feel burned out (we have all been there and I still am) do not push yourself. If you are only able to do one story a month then that's okay. Even one story a year is alright, just don't feel like you have to deliver. Your personal life and wellbeing come first.

If you feel like one of your stories is shit, know that you are putting yourself down and do not delete it. I have one story that has 0 likes and never has that ever happened to me, but I refuse to take it down because I like it.

Writing should be your escape, not your jail cell. (Something I had to tell myself a lot last year and I wish someone told me)

If you feel stressed and want your followers to know that you’re doing alright just need some time then post a lovely message to your Tumblr and call it good. Most likely, you’ll get messages and comments hoping that you feel better, those are the best followers.

Personal Safety Section:

So my moms a correctional nurse (Aka a nurse at a jail) and she is very protective of me being on the internet. That being said here are some tips I have for you to be safe (Again feel free to ignore some or agree to all, these are just my beliefs and I do not shame anyone who doesn't follow them!):

DO NOT GIVE OUT YOUR REAL NAME UNLESS YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST SOMEONE. The name I have on my blog is VERY similar to my real name but for safety reasons, I don't go by my real name. Only like 2 followers know my real name and even then it took a while before I said it.

DO NOT POST A PICTURE OF YOURSELF: God I sound like a boomer, but really you shouldn’t just up and post a picture of yourself unless you really want to. I have thought about posting a pic but thought “Yeah no...”

DO NOT GIVE OUT YOUR ADDRESS/CITY/STATE: I have only ever said on my blog that I am in the midwest of the US, but that's it. Never ever give anyone your address/city or your state.

DO NOT GIVE OUT OTHER INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF: This can include your school, age (if below 18 because of predators), phone number (unless a friend that you trust), etc.

BE CAREFUL. When someone messages you, don't be afraid to chat but if things feel fishy stop responding and block the person.

Okay, my mother side is done ranting... Just be careful kiddos. As a certified adult, I can say that the internet is scary and that as a teenager (a whole year ago) I did stupid shit... So if you are a teen (Especially below 18) just be careful and think before posting anything personal. If you have any other questions or comments, go ahead and let me know. I am open ears. Also dear anon, please tell me this blog when you get started, I’d like to follow you :)

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koikoikite · 7 years

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火曜日：最も大切な思い出

~Tuesday: a precious memory~

I’m not sure if I can even begin to describe how amazing this day was. The reason? I saw a Kalafina concert LIVE. It was the first concert I’ve ever been to besides classical ones at the symphony, so now I don’t think I can go to the Hello!Project concert I had planned; my standards are just too high! I’m SO GLAD I scrapped my Tokyo plans and came to Osaka instead; it truly was a wonderful experience.

In the morning, I asked my AirBNB host about where to buy some eggs for breakfast. She seemed really surprised that I intended to eat a whole carton of eggs in two days (I guess I’ve become a protein bro), but showed me a nearby supermarket that I wouldn’t have thought to go to. And I’m glad I did; it was only 150 yen for a carton! Most places sell a carton for around 250, so it was really a deal. I made a protein-packed breakfast (but forgot to buy some daikon for the ebi-furai, so my stomach was a bit upset later) pictured below.

I wasn’t sure if I would be eating lunch (or dinner for that matter), so a power breakfast was important. I did homework for an hour or so, and then walked the 30 minutes to the Festival Hall to scope out the venue and see when the merchandise was going on sale.

I actually took this picture when I passed the Festival Hall the next day, since I forgot to the first day...

When I arrived at noon, only around 5 other hardcore fans were there, but as I passed two hours texting my parents and doing homework, the waiting area gradually filled up. I only saw one other white foreigner. The staff had us queue up at 2:30, since the merchandise was going on sale at 3:30. I wish I had known this; I could have been sightseeing! However, I was around 20th in line to buy merchandise, so I was glad I could buy whatever I wanted (although I hadn’t thought to check the merchandise beforehand… I guess I like surprises).

People really started pouring in the 15 minutes before merchandise went on sale. The staff let us in to the room, and when I saw all the merchandise, I just couldn’t decide. I wanted to buy it all! Unfortunately, the insane prices meant I had to limit myself, although I saw plenty of people in line ahead of me dropping over 10,000 yen on these goods.

I decided to buy functional items, and settled on a t-shirt, necklace, and folders for schoolwork. After seeing the total price, I decided to buy a keychain as well – this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience after all, right?

Each of Kalafina’s three singers designs an item to be sold, and it was interesting reading their reasons, which are posted (and pictured above). I thought Hikaru’s bath salts were really cute, but that’s something that gets used up, and I also never take baths, so I didn’t buy it. Likewise, Keiko’s item was a single 500 gram weight… as someone who casually weightlifts, I’d think that Keiko has to be lifting a similar amount to what I do (10kg for arms) to maintain her muscles, so I was a little disappointed in her 1800 yen paperweight. If it was at least 5 kg, maybe I would have bought it…

I did end up buying Wakana’s necklace, because not only was it pretty, but it was a pun! If you can’t read the Japanese in the grainy photo above, she talks about how her favorite note is F# (f-sharp), and since she also loves sharks, made an “F-shark”necklace. I love music puns; it’s a holdover from my orchestra days. So buying this necklace was not an option. I’ve worn it every day since then; it’s becoming a treasured possession.

I hurried out after purchasing, and met up with my friend Sayaka in Shinsaibashi to get a quick... lunch? dinner? I’m not sure what to call this meal. We went to a matcha dessert restaurant and I had a delicious ice cream and anko bowl, and Sayaka had a parfait.

I really like meeting up with her; we met several months ago and have kept in touch since then, so we both know each other’s respective skill level in Japanese and English, and so can communicate well in a mix of the two. I don’t even remember the various things we talked about… maybe Golden Week plans, and then about various places I should go on weekend trips, and comparing California and Japan. Somehow we got on the topic of amusement parks, and I learned a ton of new vocabulary for all the rides.

We passed two hours before I knew it, and I didn’t have enough time to walk back to the Festival Hall so I coughed up 180 yen for the subway. I picked up some butaman from 551 Horai on the way back, too, since I love pork buns and matcha ice cream is not a meal, no matter how much I wish it was.

And then… the concert. I was in the back of the hall, which makes sense because I had to wait until I was in Japan to buy tickets. I was initially really disappointed about this, since I couldn’t see facial expressions at all, but the concert was pretty loud from where I sat, so I don't think I could have handled being in the front. For the Hello!Project concert I plan to go to, I’m definitely buying some earplugs and binoculars.

Plus… I secretly recorded parts of it. Pretty sure I couldn’t have done that if I were in the front. I’m not sure if the guy sitting next to me realized, but if he did, I hope he just thought 「しょうがない」and let me be.

I’ll admit that I teared up a few times during the concert; these were songs that I had listened to over and over again on youtube and my phone, and now I was finally hearing them and seeing them sung in person. During Hikari no Senritsu (link), which is one of my favorites, I definitely cried a bit, and my excitement just kept building the entire concert, since there really wasn’t an intermission.

pardon the photo quality... that’s what you end up with when you have an iPhone 5 in the back row. The top left and bottom right were taken during the encore, top right during the song 「kyrie」, and bottom left during an MC in the first half.

I was also pretty happy that my Japanese was to the level that I could understand most of their talks in between songs. One of the singers, Hikaru, has said that she gets very very nervous for live performances, and while I did notice this, she was also so energetic on stage, leading the audience and really being a presence. The choreography was also very well done, since there wasn’t any awkward dancing that they did and they rotated their positions on stage (not that it mattered to be in the boonie seats).

Here’s a link to a six-minute video compilation I made of all the songs I recorded. I did a pretty bad job, but I was trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. (In between songs, I was also deleting apps off my phone since it was filling up with videos. Fun times.)

If you’ve never heard Kalafina before, here are the recordings of the songs in that video that are much easier to listen to:

consolation | lyrics

to the beginning | lyrics

kimi ga hikari ni kaete iku | lyrics

magia | lyrics

kyrie | lyrics | (my favorite 💖 )

heavenly blue | lyrics

ongaku | lyrics

After the concert, I walked back to the AirBNB and texted my friend, who fangirled with me the whole way back. I was so full of energy, I couldn’t sleep until 2AM, but I eventually slept, probably happier than any other night I’ve spent in Japan so far. It was this day that it finally hit me, that I’m IN JAPAN. My Golden Week travels are off to a great start! I mean, damn, it’s Friday night, I'm writing this from the base of Mt. Fuji (which is awesome), and I’m STILL pumped about how great that night was. Kalafina better still exist next time I come to Japan (which I plan to be after college graduation), because I NEED to attend another concert!

And now... for my daily expenditure. Again, the purpose of this is to show how vacationing in Japan doesn’t have to be extremely pricey, taking the shinkansen all the time and eating kobe beef for dinners! However, today’s hurts to type.

breakfast: ￥361

merchandise: ￥8300

matcha dessert: ￥700

butaman: ￥340

concert ticket: ￥7400

subway tickets: ￥360

Total: ￥17461

#elena in japan #osaka #matcha dessert #kalafina #kalafina concert #cooking #travel #shinsaibashi #golden week

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kmusachiaeducator · 5 years

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Aggrava... I mean Aggregating Site Exploration

Here is a link to my current Aggregating Site with Protopage!

Well, here is a concept that I was anxious to explore. I’ve heard of and seen some pages that aggregate information, but I definitely haven’t tried to use one since high school (probably). I started out my adventure with NetVibes, which I abandoned after about an hour or two of confusion. Originally, I picked NetVibes after seeing their homepage. Between NetVives and ProtoPage, NetVibes definitely looked more professional, however the learning curve was a little steeper than I anticipated. I also was drawn in by the examples on the home page of NetVibes, but I’m at a loss for how to get my own page to look like theirs! Maybe the examples are from paid accounts? I abandoned it, so I guess I won’t find out any time soon.

Not knowing where to turn next, I did a quick Google search of aggregating sites and found a few articles with lists of different sites to try. After reading a few of these articles, I still felt uncertain about where to begin, so I turned back to the class website. There were a lot of interesting reads, though! And it seems like a lot of people use WordPress as both a blog and an aggregating site, which definitely makes me think about using WordPress in the future as my blogging platform!

After exploring the discussion for this week, I decided that ProtoPage was probably the easier to learn of the two (and maybe I’m better suited to it since I’m new to aggregating pages). I signed up with ProtoPage and started playing with the different Widgets that you can add. I pretty quickly deleted a lot of the ones that were on the initial page, like Fox News (not my preferred news source), and NPR (which I almost kept!). I changed the name of my page and added it as a chrome extension as well. I didn’t like that it set my actual starter page to ProtoPage, because I like to initially have access to my Google tools since that’s what we have on our campus, so I had to reset that feature. I can understand why that is a feature of ProtoPage, though. If I was using my computer for more personal business, I would probably want ProtoPage to show up first since it has bookmarks and information that I normally get from my Google Home in the morning.

I added quite a bit to my page on the first day. The first item of business was changing the weather widget to my actual home instead of California! I tried to do this two different ways: first, by putting in my zip code (which I felt was too personal), then by putting in my home town. Both showed the same weather, so I stuck with home town!

Next, I wanted to change some of the really basic looking colors and background. I knew that I wasn’t experienced with changing them on a coding level, but that the website would allow me to probably change the background. I picked an old dimly-lit library, since I love books! Then, I changed the colors of the widgets and the text inside them. I found all of this very simple on ProtoPage!

I wasn’t sure, at first, how to add more widgets in, so I tried to search for “Twitter” in the search box, which actually brought me to a new tab with a Google search for Twitter! Whoops! I went back to ProtoPage and clicked “Add Widget” and felt a little silly for my mistake! After looking through my options, I added the time and a countdown timer. I use countdown timers in class very frequently, because my students will drag their feet on their assignments since we have 90 minute periods. I get around this by timing them for everything. We also don’t have bells that sound during the day, so the timers help us know when class ends.

Next, I tried clicking a few of the different terms that came up under “Add Widget” like Protopuppy. I added in my little virtual pal in less than a second. I know that Protopuppy probably doesn’t have any use beyond making me smile, but it was nice to see a playful element of ProtoPage! As such, I put Fido at the bottom of the page, since he wasn’t super useful! Here’s Fido the dog for your viewing pleasure!

I also saw a button to add my Google Calendar to my Protopage, which was a great addition. I use Google Calendar for both my personal life and my work life to keep myself organized and remember events. I had a lot of items scheduled this week, so adding in my calendar was a given. It was a little small, but after dragging on the bottom right corner, I was able to make it a bit bigger!

Now that I was done playing around, I decided to get down to adding the widgets that we are required to have for class. This mostly proved easy. I had a bit of a hiccup when I tried to add a Twitter feed versus a Twitter search term, but I eventually was able to add my own Twitter feed and the search #etec527. I’m thinking of also adding in some of the terms from my TweetDeck, which could make my Protopage more like my TweetDeck, but without the capability of actually tweeting from the page. I ended up editing these widgets so that they didn’t show the top 10, but instead the top 4-5, because the length of the widget made it almost pointless to put anything beneath it. I tried to keep my class-related widgets to the right of my page, and my personal widgets on the left. In the middle, I kept the clock, timer, calendar, and Fido!

As you can see, my tumblr blog did not want to pop up at first. I added a website URL widget, and started to see an error every time I opened up my blog. Then, I opened up Tumblr and tried to open my blog from there to see that it also wasn’t working. After a bit of panic, I realized that our district firewall was blocking Tumblr, and, after looking at the page on my phone with my LTE data, noticed that the link does, in fact, work! It’s not a great way of looking at my blog, but it works nonetheless.

Up next was the Youtube Channel playlists. I tried to first link my actual YouTube channel to Protopage with little success. I realized that YouTube doesn’t let you link a full channel to Protopage, but it will do a video. I posted a question to my class in order to try to figure out how other people linked their playlists, but then investigated further by looking at other Protopages from members of the class in the discussion. What I ended up doing, after a bit of Google, Youtube, and Virtual Office research, was to add a “Bookmarks” widget and then link to each of my playlists from there. This worked pretty nicely, so I stuck with it! I did also embed a video, in case I wanted to listen to some music in the morning. I got a little stuck since I only posted one, so I’m just going to enjoy that song every day!

After looking at the example Protopage from our assignment, I wanted to try out making a new tab on Protopage, so I made one for Educational Technology. I used the News and Podcast search features in order to add a few interesting news websites and podcasts that I can listen to when looking into this subject further.

I liked this feature because it meant that I could organize by subject so that I didn’t have to clutter up my main page. It seems like a good feature to be able to use certain tabs for certain activities. For example, my home page would consist of items I want to look at daily. I could have a Reading tab with items related to our reading lessons and a Writing tab, etc. I could even organize it by genre so that I have a tab for fiction, nonfiction, poetry, and drama! I could have a STAAR related tab, to focus on testing. The possibilities seem endless! But, I also see the issue of having too many tabs. On the page for the fourth grade teacher that was linked to us in class, the teacher had many tabs that didn’t have anything in them. It was a bit of a let-down to see these tabs (like the Reading tab!) with not much in it. I would think that you’d probably want to go one at a time and add as much as you could to those tabs before adding more. That might just be my style of organization, though.

As I reflected on my time with aggregating sites, I thought about some of the different uses for this in my classroom and maybe for my students. Since all of my students use Google Classroom in all of their classes, but a different device in each class, I could see a site like Protopages being very useful for them. Similarly to Google Classroom, a Protopage is accessible from many different devices, including mobile devices! I checked on my phone, and while not quite as easy to manipulate, Protopages still works fine from an iPhone browser. They could link searches that are useful to them for different classes and create different tabs for different classes. They could create a bookmarks widget for different classes instead of just bookmarking ALL pages of relevance to them. My students, for example, have to write 4 major papers per year (one per 9 weeks), and they all end up being on different topics. By having a different widget for their bookmarks, they could organize their research for each paper by simply creating a new widget. Students often try to bookmark pages in the browser when they find what they like, but those bookmarks get lost in a sea of links once we get to the 4th paper!

Personally, I still like going to the Google page and accessing my Google tools as my home page. I don’t think I’m ready to make a switch to Protopages for that use, but I could see it being a tab open on my already tab-filled computer! I’ll have to keep investigating further in order to come to a different conclusion!

Thanks for reading!

#teaching #web 2.0 #aggregating site #protopage #netvibe #google #educational technology

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im-invisible-erased · 7 years

Text

Very Old Story...

Misconceptions of Life

By Ashley

Freak, loser, bitch, slut. I’ve heard them all before and this school will be no different. Every school I’ve been to tells the same story, just change the faces and the names. This is my third high school, and I am only in the 10th grade. I just hope I can lie low here. I can’t take the treatment that I had at my last two schools. Letting out a long drawn out sigh I shut off my beaten down, old 79 Chevy Silverado truck and slam the door. The duct tape holding the mirror comes loose and falls on the pavement. F my life, seriously? Why did I get stuck with this piece of junk? Mumbling a few choice curse words under my breath I gingerly pick up the side mirror and inspect it for cracks; it was fine. I put the mirror in the bed of the truck and walked through the deserted student parking lot. I was 45 minutes early; I walked in the school and looked around, nothing I hadn’t seen before. I picked up my schedule and found my locker. The combo didn’t work. Letting out another sigh, I took a quick look to my right, then left, then at the ceiling. No teachers and no cameras, good. I fish in the back pocket of my skinny jeans and pull out a bobby pin. I pick the lock to my locker and close it again.

The day goes by without anything else going wrong. Boring syllabi and those dumb get to know everybody’s name games which are totally pointless. I’m the only new person to this school in seven years! I drive home, unlock the front door, and go straight to my room. I shut the door quietly behind me. Finally, a connection to a cell phone tower. That entire school is one giant black hole for cell phones. I had learned quickly that the school had put up a cell phone jammer. It was said to increase the productivity of the students; less distractions or something. It was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard. I didn’t even know cell phone blockers existed until today. I checked my phone for the first time since last night. The scratched up black flip phone with the pink-stripped case started to vibrate on my desk. 4 new messages.

Katie-1:42 AM Hey, don’t get too down about going to a new school sometimes being the unknown is the better option, and from what you told me about your last schools (which is terrible BTW) that you could use being the unknown. Cheer up, I hate seeing you this way T~T. Katie-1:52 AM Alli…You there? Katie-2:14 AM you better not be doing what I think you are, I absolutely HATE when you do that to yourself. :/ Katie-2:24 AM

Night, talk to you tomorrow after school.

I finish reading the texts from last night when my phone gets another text. Katie-3:42PM

-Massive Hugs-. How was your first day at the new school? Alli-3:44 PM

Not terrible… I guess but the first week or so is always the same, ya know what I mean?

Katie-3:45 PM Yea it pretty much is, so are you out of this god awful town now since you switched schools?

Alli-3:47 PM

Nope, I just drive further to and from school now. Katie-3:48 PM

That sucks. I’m sorry :( Alli-3:50 PM It’s fine. I was able to keep my job and Nick said he would be giving me more hours to help out my gas bill. Katie-3:50 PM You’re lucky that your boyfriend is also your boss ;) Alli-3:53 PM He’s NOT my boyfriend! He is just my neighbor. Katie-3:54 PM Suurre he’s not :P Alli-3:59 PM If I didn’t have to be at work soon I would drive over there and show you what I think of your sarcasm. ♥

I was only kidding of course, but Kate knew me well; I had known her since we were in our little Sunday dresses as kids. She still keeps a picture from that day and always says, “Look how cute you used to be, what happened to that?” She knew I hated those dresses ever since I was forced into them by Momma, back when we went to church. I checked my email before I left for work. 4 junk emails and 30 hate emails that I sent to the delete folder. I shut down the computer and grabbed my keys and locked the house behind me. 5:55 PM, I was early. The daytime hostess got off at 6:00, which was when my shift started. I assumed my position and spent the next 5 hours greeting people and showing them to their tables in my sing-song work voice. Work is, well, work; a means of surviving. Chef Chang gave me some sweet and sour pork and the left over rice from that night’s batch. Night shifts are terrible, but I get free food. I love working at Sakura but it can be hectic at times. I left my uniform in my locker and went out to my car. He was there leaning up against the hood of my car smoking a cigarette. “What are you doing here?” “Oh I just wanted to see how my favorite neighbor was doing.” He gave me one of his I have other intentions smiles.

“Your driver side mirror is missing. You know that right?” “I know,” I mumbled. I let out a sigh of relief and put my head on his shoulder. He looked at me, flicks the burnt end of his cigarette, and gives me a deep kiss. We break apart and he smiles at me.

“Love you Alli.”

“I love you too.” He gives me another kiss and a quick squeeze.

“You want me to escort you home, Milady? ‘Cause your mother is going to be furious about that mirror.” He’s such a goofball sometimes, but he’s right.

“Nah, I’m fine. See you tomorrow?”

“Yea, love ya.”

“Love you too.”

I got out of the car and walked toward the front door, hours pass before I hear the screams of Momma coming from the living room rousing me from my sleep.

“Allison! Get in here right now young lady!”

“Yes Momma?”

“What the hell happened to the truck, you’re always so careless!” She raised her hand up to strike me; I winced and covered my face with my arms. Three thuds and a whimper could be heard through the house. Back in my room I check my phone for the time. 1:40 AM. I had to be up for school in 5 hours. I took out the razor I kept in my pocket.

I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock. It’s only the third week of school and I’m already wishing it was summer. I roll out of bed and check my phone. 1 new message. Cole- 5:50 AM Check your email as soon as you read this. It’s urgent.

I turn on the computer and wait for it to boot up. This thing was ancient it still had Windows 97. I open the email from Cole once the computer has gotten a chance to work. I pull out my phone a minute later. There are only two people to call in a situation such as this and since one is probably asleep, we just got back from work not too long ago I’ll let him sleep and tell him later. The only other person I knew that would listen was Katie. Alli-7:00 AM

Hey! You got some time to chat?!!

Katie-7:02 AM

Sure what’s up? Alli-7:05 AM something terrible…

Katie-7:07 AM why terrible? :( Alli-7:07 AM My reputation has followed me; the rumors will be starting again. Katie-7:08 AM are you serious? How? You’re like going to school two towns over.

I sent the link to the page that was the end of my quiet restart of my school life. It was a link to a picture of my Mom at her work. Next to it was a small caption that read. “Doesn’t this look a lot like Allison Green the 10th grader at our school?” Underneath were several pages of comments. Katie-7:25 AM

…Oh god…I’m so sorry. Alli-7:25 AM I don’t know what will be worse facing everybody at school or skipping and facing Mamma T-T Katie-7:26 AM I’m not sure either. Pick the lesser of the two evils? I check the time. I had 25 minutes left before I had to be out the door. Might as well get ready for the absolute hell that awaited me at school. Alli-7:27 AM I’ll TTYL. I got to get ready for school. Katie-7:28 AM Bye-Bye, Love ya ♥ Good luck.

I shutdown the computer and got ready for school. I pulled into the parking lot and sat in the truck, my hands shaking, playing with my lip ring. I sat there trying to calm my nerves for several minutes. I eventually got out and entered the school. I kept my head down and walked quickly through the halls but it couldn’t stop the whispers and the pointing. Nothing would.

“You see that girl? You know her mother is a whore.”

“I heard she left her last school because her father sold her into prostitution to feed his heroin addiction.” Lies, lies, all ridiculous lies. I wanted to scream at them to get my story straight, but it wouldn’t do anything. Most people are ignorant idiots who, when even with the facts sitting right in their face don’t accept them. And do they bother to find out the truth? No, they just believe the outlandish rumors and don’t even second guess any of it. The sound of my own name roused me from my swirling emotions and thoughts.

“Hey Allison, will you give me a discount on the mother daughter special if I help you with math?” it was the smart-aleck, know it all guy that sits in front of me in my math class. He saw my test scores and how I struggled in math. I flipped him the bird and stuck out my tongue.

“Why you little bitch…” The rest of his words were drowned out by the warning bell. I ran off to the bathroom. I checked in the stalls to make sure I was alone. I went into the first stall and started sobbing. I can’t deal with this abuse again, I just can’t. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you. What a load of crap. Words are the things that cut you the deepest they penetrate the mind and wage psychological warfare. I pull out the razor I had put in my bag, rolled up my sleeves.

I walk into history class late. I get a tardy but nothing more. I block out the whispers and peoples’ stares. Thank God for my MP3 player and decent headphones. By the end of the day, I’m ready to leave so badly. I stop by my locker. Somebody has put a sign up that says: You already have a career why bother staying around for an education. Leave! I crumple up the paper and leave the prison that my school life has become yet again.

Work, school, home, the vicious cycle continues for the next six weeks. The only times I’m actually not depressed now are when I’m with him, and even then the time is so short that it doesn’t even seem worth it now. I’m a terrible secret girlfriend. He could do better than me. Maybe I should just break it off with him. I’ll talk to him after this shift is over. I send him a quick text while there are no customers coming in.

Alli-10:45 PM

Same time same place, kay?

Nick-10:55 PM Alright.

I’m sitting in the bed of my truck waiting for him to show up. He’s late.

“Hey, really sorry I’m late I had to do some last minute things.”

“It’s fine,” I say starting to play with my lip ring. He looks at me with concern.

“What’s wrong? School again?” I nod looking down at the pavement. He puts his arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. “So wanna get going? Don’t your finals start next week?” I nod again not wanting to move or say what had to be done next. He hops down from the bed of my truck and offers me a hand. I just sit there, on the verge of tears. “Okay Allison, seriously what’s the matter?” he frowns at me.

“I have to break up with you. You can do so much better then some high school girl like me. I’m sorry”. Tears start running down my face, and I jump off the bed of the truck, get in, and start the ignition. He’s just standing there dumbfounded. I speed off towards my house, wiping my eyes. I arrive home. Momma won’t be home for another hour. I go to my room, slamming the door behind me, and collapse on my bed crying. I didn’t want to break up with him, but it had to be done. I’m not good enough for him. I’m ugly, stupid, and a complete failure. Plus he’s 3 years older then I am. He should be dating people his own age. The sound of my phone vibrating breaks my chain of thought. He’s calling. I take out the battery to my phone and curl up into a ball hugging myself crying softly.

I’m jarred awake to the sounds of screaming. I can hear Momma yelling at someone on the other side of a phone. I fall back asleep.

Fifth period lunch, I’m sitting in my usual corner, headphones on, music up full blast. I hate lunch period. It’s full of people doing idiotic things. At least nobody has come up to me today. Just as I finish my optimistic thought, nameless upperclassman jerk with his band of idiots stands in front of me. I look up at them. Their lips are moving, but I can’t hear them. I remove my headphones and give them a piercing stare.

“Hey, what’s up slut? How’s your mother doing in that stripper bar of hers?” I ignore the comment and mouth the words “Leave me alone.”

“So I was thinking this should be enough for one night of fun for me and the boys, right?” He tossed a roll of cash in my lap. I stare at the bills, a hundred dollars wrapped in a bunch of singles probably. I let out a sigh and hand the idiot back his money.

“Sorry, I don’t do that.” I turn to walk away but the nameless idiot grabs me by the shoulders.

“Hey, now not so fast. Now I promised the guys here a good time, and since you already have so much experience doing things for cash, I figured you would oblige.”

“I said I don’t do that. Are you hearing impaired?” I mumbled. His face shoots with rage at my comment. Great. Good job Alli, your smart mouth has gotten you in a sticky situation. He whispers into my ear.

“You should be a good little girl and keep that mouth of yours shut.”

“Let me go, or you will be in a world of pain.” I growled menacingly. He laughed at my comment. I let out a sigh; I warned him. I scream at the top of my lungs. “Get off me you deranged pervert!” The lunch room got deathly quiet, and teachers who had been completely oblivious until that moment spotted the group of boys surrounding me. The guys scatter like rats from a flashlight. I ran out of the lunch room and hid in the bathroom. I can’t deal with this crap anymore. I just can’t. Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this? Can I help it that everyone is an ignorant fool? Can I control who my parents are and what they choose to do with their lives? Why am I constantly tortured by other peoples’ vices and peoples’ misconceptions. It just isn’t fair, this world isn’t fair. I never did anything to deserve this kind of treatment, and yet here I am living each day for no reason at all. My life has no purpose. I would be doing the world a favor if I just disappeared.

It’s past midnight, and I can’t sleep. I quit my job after that idiot at school tried to pay for a... A shiver runs up my spine at the thought. I would be doing the world a favor if I just disappeared... The next day Momma was angry that I had quit my job. She yelled at me for over three hours saying that I was just dropping out of society and that I was overreacting and that I should go to Mr. Chang and beg him to hire me again. I just couldn’t face “Him” again. That was why I didn’t want to go back to work and why I quit. I wasn’t worth his time or effort. I’m just not good enough for him. People say it constantly when they think I can’t hear them, that I’ll never amount to anything and that I’m going to end up worse off than Mama working as a prostitute for the rest of my life. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I will amount to nothing and that I’m just a worthless piece of trash that is a drain on society. I lazed around most of Saturday morning; I didn't know what I was going to do with myself anymore. School wasn’t an option. I was passing, yes, but it had become a living nightmare that I couldn't keep returning to. Home, well it’s mostly quiet until nighttime. But home is no better than school. Where else is there to go? What other options did I really have? I can’t survive in the world with only a 9th grade education and the little money that I have saved up won’t last very long either. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

The doorbell rings. It’s Kate, she drags me outside and we get in her car. We end up at the mall, walking around, people and mostly window shopping. Trying on clothes and just having a girl’s day out. Kate really cheered me up and it was nice to be away from all the worries of the world, I was genuinely happy for the first time, in a long time. It was a good day.

I return home exhausted and go straight to bed. A crash breaks my light sleep, and I sit up in my bed. Someone is yelling at Mama over the phone and she’s yelling back, I get up and sit in the hallway to hear her better. “I wish we never would have been so foolish back in the day, I regret ever dating you, I didn’t want this for my life. I had to drop everything that I had going for me and take care of the baby. I wake up every day and work a shitty job to provide for my family that I wish I had never made. I told you back then that we should have waited. We weren’t ready for a child and the second I told you I was pregnant you up and leave like the cowardly son of a bitch you are! Oh, you’ve changed huh? Want to come back into your daughters’ life after 15 years? I've managed to survive for 16 years on my own I’m sure we can survive two more until she graduates. We’ll be fine. And after that it’s her decision whither she wants you to be a part of her life or not.”

Mama was just saying that to make herself look stronger than she really is. We weren’t gonna be fine, and I knew that she was just telling him what he wanted to hear, so he would leave her alone. We barely scrape by every month. I didn't think that my paycheck made any difference most of it was spent on gas money and the rest I put in the bank. A sudden realization hit me, Mama must have been stealing the money from my account to help pay for the bills. “Allison! Get in here now.”

“Umm, yes Mama?” I stood in the doorway. “What were you doing in the hallway? Eavesdropping, how many times have I told you not to listen to my conversations?”

“I’m sorry, I couldn't fall back asleep and I heard you two talking.”

“How dense are you, I’ve told you over and over to not eavesdrop do you learn from anything that I tell you? How many times do we have to have this same conversation?” I stood there blankly staring at the ground messing with my lip ring, I could tell that she hadn’t calmed down from the phone call. Mama took a deep breath, “So, why did you quit your job?” I was silent. “You aren’t pregnant are you?” I shook my head no. “If I find out that you’re lying you won’t be welcome in this house, now please go to bed.” I couldn’t tell if that was a serious threat. I froze for a second trying to figure out the words that she had just said would she really kick me out just like that? “I said go to bed!” I returned to my room and lay there on the bed staring at the ceiling my heart racing.

Another week passed and there was no point to anything anymore I showed up to school out of fear and returned home for lack of a better place to be. Everything had become pointless and monotonous. I feel numb every second of every minute of everyday I want this feeling to end. I just want to disappear. I start crying softly as I pull out my phone and a piece of paper.

Alli-12:48 AM

To my best friend, what can I say? It’s been an interesting life and you’ve always made me smile when I was sad. I’m glad that I met you all those years ago. But this is it for me I can’t take living in this world anymore. I’m sorry about everything. This is my last farewell.

I turned off my phone and turn my attention to the piece of paper on the desk.

Dear Everyone,

I’m sorry for everything that has gone wrong on my account. I’m sorry that I was the daughter that you never wanted and that I ruined your life by being born. I’m sorry that I forced you to work at the bar again as a waitress Momma. I’m sorry that I’m such a worthless soul and a nuisance on everyone that I come in contact with. But that will all be solved tonight. I’m fixing your mistake that you made when you were no older than me. I’m a nobody, and honestly nobody will miss me after today. I was a mistake, and there is no other way out of this world of sorrow...Goodbye, Your welcome. You weren’t always the best parent, but I loved you more than you will ever know, even though you never showed me any in return.

Sincerely,

Allison

I picked up the razorblade and started to make a deep cut in the tenants in my right wrist. I continued until there were three very deep cuts in my wrist and anywhere else I could see a vein. Blood was dripping from the wounds. I passed out shortly after that.

I woke up with a sharp pain shooting from all over my body. Katie was sitting next to me crying hysterically saying. “Please don’t die, please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.” Over and over crying on the bed in the unknown room I was now laying in. I made a faint whimpering sound and she looked up. She looked at me and started crying more. I sat up slowly and she hugged me tightly.

I was in the hospital for a week getting “help.” Katie visited me everyday for those seven days. She was the high point of my day inside that terrible place. I was released after I had been claimed, “not a threat to my own self anymore.” I went to live with Katie after being released her mom had talked with my mom and they agreed to the deal. Maybe life would be better away from my house and school for a while.

#personal #senior year of high school writting #circa 2010 #my writting #misconceptions #trigger warnings #abuse #smoking #self harm #suicide #bullying #long post #delete later #probably...#short story #its actually not that good #lms if you read

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lanebigo774-blog · 5 years

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Short-term or "working" memory is like text on a chalkboard that is continuously refreshed. Working memory is thought to include 2 neural circuits around which the information is kept alive for as long as it is required. One circuit is for visual and spatial info, and the other for noise.

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endlessarchite · 6 years

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My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds

I take pride in some very strange things. Being able to cartwheel into a pool for example. Or knowing every single word to old commercial jingles and 90’s rap songs. Or the fact that John and I, two righties, somehow made two lefties, which clearly means they’re brilliant (not sure how I can even take credit for this phenomenon, but I do, as well as the fact that our kids are super tall, which is amazing to me as a 5’2″ lady).

But one thing I don’t really think about much is my secondhand furniture hunting mojo. I don’t think I have any magic luck or special searching skills. I would generally describe the key to my process as frequency. In other words: looking often. I regularly look at thrift stores and on Craigslist and on Facebook Marketplace. Most of the time I don’t find anything good at all, but every once in a while I find something awesome. Like this insanely beautiful inlay dresser that’s made by Restoration Hardware and sells for $1800 that I found on Craigslist for $400 (you can read the full story of that here).

So instead of demonstrating that I know every last word to the Left Eye rap in TLC’s Waterfalls, I figured I’d round up my best tips for secondhand shopping success, all of which have nothing to do with dumb luck, and everything to do with actionable things that you can implement to hopefully score some great finds of your own.

Lesson #1: Show Your Interest & Be Persistent

If I stop an analyze how that inlay dresser coup came to be, there’s just one simple thing that made it all happen: I was determined with a capital D. I saw this listing go up months before I bought it. And I loved it. But it was $600 and that was still over my beach house dresser budget – no matter how gorgeous and expensive the dresser originally was. So I waited. And the listing sat there. And it sat there.

Knowing she might be having trouble selling it, I decided to let the seller know that an interested party existed. Even though I wasn’t ready to shell out the $600, I wanted to make myself an option and discourage her from just deleting the listing out of frustration (I know as a seller I’ve definitely done that before). I emailed her saying “I am SO INTERESTED in your dresser but the top of my budget is $400. If that works for you, I’ll gladly come right over with $400 cash and grab it.” And she very kindly emailed me back and said “Thanks, I’m not planning to lower the price just yet but I’ll let you know if I do later.”

Now here’s where the whole determined thing really came into play. The listing sat there for a few more weeks (and I continued to watch it), but then one day it disappeared. And I noticed. And I gasped. It could’ve sold or just expired, but since I already had an email chain started, I decided to reach out to her one last time, just to say “hi, it’s me again! I noticed the listing is gone so I’m sure my dream dresser sold, but if it hasn’t and you’re interested in that $400 cash I can come right over! Just say the word!” And you know what? She said “You’ve got a deal.”

And that’s how this amazing dresser ended up at the beach house. It didn’t fall into my lap. It didn’t happen in a day or even a week – but over the course of months as I kept an eye on it. And if I hadn’t pinged her that first time I never could have followed up that second time because I wouldn’t have had her contact info – and I’m pretty sure this dresser wouldn’t be ours today. So let that be Lesson #1. Have patience and go out on a limb (maybe even multiple times) for something you love.

Lesson #2: Be Vigilant & Ready To Pounce

Ok, now let’s move on to the next one. I really really love this marble topped dresser that I bought on Facebook Marketplace from the sweetest local lady whose entire house was so amazing I wanted to buy everything in there. The entire top is a gorgeous slab of marble and the drawers have little key latches and it’s perfect for storing board games in the foyer of the beach house. I forget how much this was but I think it was around $100 which is an awesome deal since it would be hard to find a slab of marble as big as the one on top of this dresser for $100 alone.

Let’s talk about my hunting routine. I like to sit on the couch at the end of a long day and just scroll through Facebook Marketplace. It takes less than five minutes, and I’d say I do it maybe five times a week if I remember. And thanks to my habit of checking pretty frequently, I happened to see the listing for this dresser within an hour of it being posted. So I was first in line when I pinged her, I got cash FAST, and I got to her house within about an hour, meaning nobody could snatch it out from under me. So upon reflecting how I scored this dresser, it really comes down to being SO READY to make this thing mine (and not wavering, waffling, or taking too much time to get the cash and get to her house).

The thing is, you never know when something is going to be listed, and you certainly can’t be on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace every hour. But I realized that back before I checked Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist with any regularity that I was greatly lowering my chances of finding good stuff. Of course I couldn’t expect to pop on every few months and immediately find something I wanted! I had to up my frequency – even if it just means devoting five minutes a night to it a few times a week. This obviously gives me better chances of seeing more items, and catching them earlier.

Also, get cash and get thee to the person’s house fast! Sellers often observe a “first come, first served” rule and I can’t tell you how many times as a seller that the second or third person who contacted me actually got the item because the first person took too long to come pick it up & pay. So there you go. Lesson #2 is spend a little more time looking for something cool if you actually want to find something cool, and then descend like Cheetah with the cash. Fast, fast, fast.

Lesson #3: Recruit Spies

Ok, let’s move on to the rug in our bedroom. Whenever I see it my brain sings: “I’ve. Had. The rug of my li-i-ife. And I never felt this way before.” Yes it’s the song from Dirty Dancing with a rug worked into it, and yes, weirdly altering song lyrics is also something I take great pride in. The story of this guy is that I bought it locally from a consignment shop. YES! I know! It feels like an extremely lucky find. And it was… but it also clearly has a lesson attached when I look in the ol’ rearview mirror of life.

See, my friend actually texted me a picture of this rug along with some others that she had seen at a local consignment shop. So the first lesson is: befriend an army of people who will text you all the pretty things they find. Ha. Kidding. But really, if you have an interest or a need for something, it never hurts to let your design-loving friends know! They might see whatever it is you’re looking for (secondhand or beyond!) and be able to tell you where it is. Heck they might even text you a picture or send you a link.

The fact that my friend, who is a decorator, knew that I love these big colorful wool rugs definitely worked in my favor in this case (had I not been “linked” to this thing in her mind, she never would have texted it to me). And you can offer to keep an eye out for things for them in return – it really is a nice mutually beneficial thing to do with someone else who loves home stuff.

My accompanying tip for this rug victory harkens back to the second half of my last lesson, which is DO NOT HESITATE. The second she sent it I called the shop, asked the price, got the cash, and John and I rushed over there to smell it (always smell secondhand things guys – it’s a non-negotiable!) and it was in our car about 20 minutes later. There’s way more about this whole rug discovery and our bedroom’s evolution in this post, which also has a ton of sources for things.

Lesson #4: Be Nosy & Remember It Never Hurts To Ask

These chairs are a more recent score that I chatted about a little bit on the podcast (in this episode) and they hail from Facebook Marketplace. One thing I like about Facebook Marketplace over Craigslist (don’t get me wrong, I still like Sir Craig & His List) is that Facebook Marketplace learns what you click. So, much like Pinterest, it can curate a more customized experience every time you browse. Which is also why it’s super fast to check every time I drop in (less than 5 minutes).

Mine has learned that I click on furniture and home stuff, so it shows me all of that stuff first in my feed, even if a weird ceramic babydoll that stares into your soul was uploaded more recently. AND I SO APPRECIATE THAT.

But back to these chairs. I mentioned on that podcast that this listing was funny because it was actually for a large piece of driftwood, but I saw these chairs in the background – yes, BEHIND THE DRIFTWOOD. And I basically messaged her and said “about those chairs – are they for sale?!” And she said yes! The seller even had a large car and offered to drive them to my house since they’re HUGE and it would have been impossible to get both of them into our SUV at the same time.

So the lesson here is: anything in the picture is something you can ask about! The worst they can say is “no, my cute dog in the background is not for sale you psycho” and the best thing they can say is essentially what happened with these chairs, which was: “Sure! I’ll sell them AND DRIVE THEM TO YOUR HOUSE FOR YOU!”

Also, sub tip: whenever something is large we ask if they would accept an extra fee (like $20) to drive it over. It often saves us time/gas/money spent renting a larger vehicle, so it can be very worthwhile in many cases.

This chair story also has sort of an epilogue of sorts. When we posted photos of them in the show notes of that podcast where we mentioned them, a very kind and knowledgeable design enthusiast essentially said “OMG I THINK THOSE ARE RUSSELL WOODARD CHAIRS!” and thanks to the rabbit hole of google I learned he’s an amazing 50’s designer, sort of like Eames (we all know about his chairs! can’t Russell catch a break?!) and THEY SELL FOR THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS on places like 1st Dibs and Chairish. In fact, here’s a set of four currently listed for $3,750 (and here’s another one). HOW INSANE IS THAT?!?!

By comparison, we spent $140 for both chairs (which also included delivery!). So they might be the biggest secondhand score we’ve had yet. Honestly for me it’s way less about what something’s worth or who made it and a lot more about filling your house up with stuff you love. So my advice would just be to sniff around in secondhand spots (in person and online) often if you actually hope to find something amazing – and if you do it regularly enough I’m confident it’ll happen for you! Happy hunting!

P.S. Six years ago we wrote this post about 25 tips for buying on Craigslist, and a ton of them still apply – so check it out for even more ideas for scoring some pretty great stuff. Happy thrifting to one and all!

P.P.S. And if you saw something in the photos above from our beach house or our house here in Richmond that has you saying “where’s that from?” we have source lists for both of those: here’s the one full of beach house info, and here’s one for our Richmond house.

The post My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds appeared first on Young House Love.

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds published first on https://bakerskitchenslimited.tumblr.com/

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statusreview · 6 years

Text

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds

Lesson #1: Show Your Interest & Be Persistent

Lesson #2: Be Vigilant & Ready To Pounce

Lesson #3: Recruit Spies

Lesson #4: Be Nosy & Remember It Never Hurts To Ask

The post My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds appeared first on Young House Love.

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds published first on https://ssmattress.tumblr.com/

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lukerhill · 6 years

Text

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds

Lesson #1: Show Your Interest & Be Persistent

Lesson #2: Be Vigilant & Ready To Pounce

Lesson #3: Recruit Spies

Lesson #4: Be Nosy & Remember It Never Hurts To Ask

The post My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds appeared first on Young House Love.

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billydmacklin · 6 years

Text

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds

Lesson #1: Show Your Interest & Be Persistent

Lesson #2: Be Vigilant & Ready To Pounce

Lesson #3: Recruit Spies

Lesson #4: Be Nosy & Remember It Never Hurts To Ask

The post My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds appeared first on Young House Love.

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds published first on https://carpetgurus.tumblr.com/

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additionallysad · 6 years

Photo

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds https://ift.tt/2vtMElj

Lesson #1: Show Your Interest & Be Persistent

Lesson #2: Be Vigilant & Ready To Pounce

Lesson #3: Recruit Spies

Lesson #4: Be Nosy & Remember It Never Hurts To Ask

The post My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds appeared first on Young House Love.

#additionally sad home renovations

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truereviewpage · 6 years

Text

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds

Lesson #1: Show Your Interest & Be Persistent

Lesson #2: Be Vigilant & Ready To Pounce

Lesson #3: Recruit Spies

Lesson #4: Be Nosy & Remember It Never Hurts To Ask

The post My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds appeared first on Young House Love.

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds published first on https://aireloomreview.tumblr.com/

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vincentbnaughton · 6 years

Text

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds

Lesson #1: Show Your Interest & Be Persistent

Lesson #2: Be Vigilant & Ready To Pounce

The thing is, you never know when something is going to be listed, and you certainly can’t be on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace every hour. But I realized that back before I checked Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist with any regularity that I was greatly lowering my chances of finding good stuff. Of course I couldn’t expect to pop on every few months and immediately find something I wanted! I had to up my frequency – even if it just means devoting five minutes a night to it a few times a week. Upping my frequency obviously gives me better chances of seeing more items, and catching them earlier.

Lesson #3: Recruit Spies

My accompanying tip for this rug victory harkens back to the second half of my last lesson, which is DO NOT HESITATE. The second she sent it I called the shop, asked the price, got the cash, and John and I rushed over there to smell it (always smell secondhand things guys – it’s a non-negotiable!) and it was in our car about 20 minutes later. There’s way more about this whole rug discovery and our bedroom’s evolution here in this post, which also has a ton of sources for things.

Lesson #4: Be Nosy & Remember It Never Hurts To Ask

The post My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds appeared first on Young House Love.

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mortedesiderio-blog · 6 years

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Why We Love General Guidelines (And You Should, Too!)

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statusreview · 6 years

Text

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds

Lesson #1: Show Your Interest & Be Persistent

Lesson #2: Be Vigilant & Ready To Pounce

Lesson #3: Recruit Spies

Lesson #4: Be Nosy & Remember It Never Hurts To Ask

The post My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds appeared first on Young House Love.

My Top Four Tips For Scoring The Best Secondhand Finds published first on https://ssmattress.tumblr.com/

0 notes