#also the first Taylor album I've ever bought
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I apologize in advance for the person I'm gonna be today.
#sorry but this is THE album for me#This is peak teenage me#also the first Taylor album I've ever bought#and thank god I bought it so I didn't have to stream it until the TV came out#anyways go listen to the Taylor version!!!#so good!!!#taylor swift 1989#1989 taylor's version
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Kaylor fights and/or break-ups
Grab some tissues. It hits different 😭 ____________________________________
In May 2015, a blind item came out that said Karlie was moving things out from Taylor's apartment.
2020: Five years later in the song EXILE, Taylor referred to this fight that they supposedly had in the same way.
In 2019, Taylor on the album LOVER made it clear that her muse is from the USA, that New York screams her muse's name and that her muse has a garden gate in the West Village
Karlie is from the USA, New York screams her name and she had a garden gate in the West Village.
That place was very special for their relationship because Taylor was seen there very often and she moved to New York and bought an apartment near there to hang out with Karlie in her apartment.
2019: A month after the album LOVER came out, Karlie sold her apartment in the West Village which has a garden gate.
👇👇 READ ON 👇👇 READ ON
And a year later (2020), in EXILE Taylor refers to this by saying that this person was her town, but that she is now in exile watching this person out (??selling their special place and moving out??)
I think I've seen this film before. And I didn't like the ending. You're not my homeland anymore. So what am I defending now? You were my town. Now I'm in exile, seein' you out. I think I've seen this film before.
YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN single was released on June 14, 2019
On June 25, 2019 a blind item came out saying that if Taylor wanted to come out, she couldn't mention Karlie:
And also Karlie did an interview about how much she enjoyed her new life and Taylor is briefly mentioned in it as one of her "friends", as if she was just a wrinkle
And a year later - 2020 - Taylor would refer to this in CLOSURE saying that her lover is now enjoying a new life and how Taylor feels that she is a wrinkle or something that could ruin the new life that person has built without her
RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME (2020): I could feel the mascara run. You told me that you met someone. Glass shattered on the white cloth. Everybody moved on. I, I stayed there.
In 2018 and 2019, Karlie had two weddings and even though Taylor was invited, she didn't attend, she said absolutely nothing about it and Taylor's team just said she was too busy
October 2018: But the same day or the next (it's confusing because of the time zones) of the first wedding Taylor sang I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE completely sad as a surprise song. Taylor and Karlie met when Taylor was performing that song
Two years later - 2020 - Taylor would refer to these weddings in EVERMORE. In RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME Taylor sings about how the person she used to love left her and shortly there after married and built a new life without her
In this song there is a clear reference to a tradition in Jewish Weddings. Glass shattered on the white cloth. Karlie converted to Judaism and had a Jewish Wedding
"Hair pin drop": We all know that this line is gay and what it means in this context is that Taylor's silence and her not attending Karlie's two weddings was something that confirmed that there was something more than a friendship between them
Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it. She's still 23 inside her fantasy. How it was supposed to be. Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it. She's still 23 inside her fantasy. And you're sitting in front of me.
Taylor was 23 when she became Karlie's bff.
CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS (2020) is about how Taylor lost her golden muse because she wasn't ready to get married and how she watched this person walk away not knowing what to do
"One for the money two for the show" Karlie had two weddings and this phrase appears in the photoshoot they did together in 2014
In HAPPINESS (2020), Taylor tells how she spent seven years with this person and how she felt like she was in heaven. Taylor wrote this song a month after it was seven years since she met Karlie
This is a clear reference to Karlie because in REPUTATION and LOVER, Taylor relates heaven and religion to this person. Karlie was a Victoria's Secret Angel
HITS DIFFERENT (2022): Dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief. In the good in the world, you once believed in me. And I felt you and I held you for a while. Bet I could still melt your world. Argumentative, antithetical dream girl. // Movin' on was always easy for me to do. It hits different (Yeah). It hits different 'cause it's you.
Are all the Eras tour BETTY stories true? Taylor already said Betty is the love of James' life. James had to fight to get Betty back! And she believes in a Happy End. (SEE THIS LINK)
Are we getting a Kaylor reunion or was that it...?!
Anything to add?
(most parts by lavenderfishboy!)
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IME, very few people seem to like speak now but it will always be special to me because it’s the first CD I ever bought for myself and the first album I ever listened to start to finish (that I can remember.) So part of me is 11 when I listen to it <3
im a speak now stan until i die!! similarly it was the first taylor release i remember staying up for, and i'll never forget listening to mean for the first time on my little ipod nano on release night :') speak now is one of the albums that i have played to DEATH and yet i can still listen to it front to back and be like yeah this is it baby. it also just reminds me of being 10/11 and wanting to BE taylor swift, to wear princess dresses and sparkles and sing about heartbreak and boys and rain... idk speak now to me will always just be the most Taylor Swift Taylor Swift album -- it just has everything i love on it.
side note but one of my fav songs and i think one of her most brilliant songs that doesn't get enough love is the story of us... like guys that song is SO clever -- obviously the little spoken interludes are so fun -- "next chapter" "the end" -- but there's so many fun little lyrical turns in that song... like "lately i don't even know what page you're on"?? ITS SO GOOD. "i'm DYING to know is it KILLING you like its KILLING me?" BRILLIANT. and also, it goes by so fast, but it has so many fun opposites: "standing alone in a crowded room" "my place was the spot next to you... searching the room for an empty seat" "i've never heard silence quite this loud" -- they just add to the intensity of the song, and the way the melody flip flops around so frantically on top of the lyrics -- it just adds to this unstable feeling the whole way through -- like you're switching from one intense feeling to another the whole way through (also on the melody note, i love the descending line on "it all broke down" -- again, it's so CLEVER!)
i know speak now doesn't get the love it deserves and i think it's bc at the time it was just seen as, like, "the follow up to that smash hit fearless" but i actually would argue speak now has aged even better than fearless in places -- the production is a little ... much at times but it is SUCH a witty creative album both musically and lyrically and i just LOVE IT. ugh here's my speak now essay from a while ago if you feel like reading it
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I know everyone is hypothesizing that most TTPD songs are gonna be heart wrenchingly sad, but my theory is that she bout to drop a Bejeweled or Karma halfway through the album and then peace out. Remember when people thought I Can See You would be a cute little breakup anthem and then we got "I can see you up against a wall with me🤪"
Like The Bolter gives me major Getaway Car vibes and this is a hill I've decided to die on. Something tells me it was written around the time we got our first Taylor sighting after the breakup in THAT outfit if ykyk.
I mean Joe WAS her longest relationship so ofc we'll get a lot of songs about him but she also is in a very happy and healthy relationship currently and idk if you guys remember that one article with "she also thinks he's hot" in reference to Travis sooo
Taylor has SO much else going on other than Joe, and I would argue this is the busiest she's ever been. She wont waste thi oppurtunity, especially when the whole world is listening. The album is going to be very diverse imo.
It could very well be a Reputation scenario where we think it's gonna be a super bitter or devastating album and instead it's just another 'Only bought this dress so you can take it off' situation.
Down Bad is also an insane song title for Taylor, alongside I Can Fix Him and But Daddy I Love Him like sweet Jesus how are people not more excited?
are people on your dash not more excited?
also, a bop =/= happy! i think a lot of us know it will be sonically diverse, and even the lighter songs will have a tinge of darkness, because... that seems to be taylor's MO especially lately. like, getaway car is a really sad song fjdakl "i used you then betrayed you, and i was crying in a getaway car, i was dying in a getaway car, said goodbye in a getaway car"...
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I've been away from tumblr for a few months.
In October 2021, my Dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 neuroendocrine pancreatic cancer. I felt like my whole world was falling apart.
He already followed me on tumblr, so I filled my feed with things he would like so he had something new and interesting (or a cute cat) to see every day. (I was already posting a lot for him, but now my queue was entirely for him.) It was a small thing, but I wanted to do anything to help make him smile or distract him.
As it was a neuroendocrine cancer, there were treatment options, and soon he was back to living life as if nothing was wrong. But I still kept my queue running for him.
In November 2023, a scan was misread. They told my Dad his cancer was responding well to treatment, and he wouldn't need any more nuclear medicine for two years. Unfortunately, this mistake meant my Dad passed away on January 26th 2024.
There's no question that this is the worst thing to ever happen to me. My Dad is the person I am/was closest to in the whole world. I've never felt pain like this.
I don't know what to do with my tumblr now. I've had it for over a decade, but I've been posting for my Dad for so long that it feels wrong to post without him. I know that's silly. I just miss him so much.
I'm going to post the eulogy I wrote for him below the cut. I don't expect anyone to read it, but I want it to exist somewhere online. I'm really proud of it. It has mistakes - repetitions of words etc. - but I also think it's the best thing I've ever written, because it's about my Dad.
As a professional writer, I’ve felt a lot of pressure to write a eulogy that does my Dad justice. The problem is, I don’t think that’s possible. Especially without him here to give me notes. My Dad has always given me his opinion on my writing at whatever stage it was at, bouncing ideas back and forth with me and arguing over intricate punctuation but, on this occasion, he can’t. I hope he’d like this anyway.
I could talk forever about my Dad. There are so many things I want to tell people about him, about his love and excitement for the world and his joy in getting to live each day. To quote Marcus Aurelius, as my Dad often did, “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” This sentiment defined him, really.
My Dad and I have so much in common. We traded books back and forth. He introduced me to his favourite shows and I showed him mine. He showed me his favourite movies from when he was growing up, and we were always first in line to see new releases at the Odeon in Wrexham. I would spend hours hanging out on the couch in his study as he worked and played music, talking me through his love and admiration of various songs and bands, like Led Zeppelin, Genesis, The Jam, The Smiths. We talked a mile a minute over dinner, always excited to share whatever new thing we’d learned that day. We experimented with various recipes and he gave me my love of cooking. We debated politics constantly, always talked about what was in the news, forwarded interesting posts and memes to each other across multiple social media platforms. Even when I lived on another continent we were in contact with each other every day, keeping track of our respective timezones so we could always find time to talk.
My heart aches every time I read a news article about some interesting new archaeological finding or a new discovery in space, because I want to share it with him. There are so many movies we planned to see, upcoming TV shows we wanted to watch, books we were waiting to be released.
I want to talk to him about the new Taylor Swift album and the Grammys she just won. As some of you may know, my Dad was a Swiftie – he was in the top 0.5% of Taylor Swift Spotify listeners last year. He was a fan of her before I was, often falling asleep to her 1989 album on international flights. He bought us tickets to see her Eras Tour together this summer and we were so excited. I can’t describe the pain I felt when last month he told me that I’d have to go and enjoy it without him. Because he should be here to see it with me. He loved stained glass – even taking classes and making his own artwork. He promised to teach me this summer, and now I’ll have to do it without him. But I’ll still do it. Like I’ll still go to the Eras concert – because it’s what he would have wanted, and because it keeps his memory alive.
I recognise how lucky I am that he is my Dad. So many things had to happen to make it so. Various ancestors had to meet and have children. My parents needed to be born, needed to both decide to go to the same university, needed some anonymous admin person to assign them both to the same university halls where they would ultimately meet. All so that one day I would come in to being and he would be my Dad. The chances of that happening, for everything to have gone right, are so infinitesimally small. And yet they happened. How miraculous is that?
I am who I am because of him. As a young man, he reviewed books for The Oxford Times and Interzone, a Sci-Fi and Fantasy magazine. (He was particularly proud to interview Terry Pratchett, his favourite author, and have his quote used on Pratchett’s books for years to come). He fell in love with stories and storytelling, a love that he passed down to me. Without him, I don’t know if I would have become a screenwriter and author. Storytelling is such a huge part of me, and I don’t know who I’d be without it, and without him.
There are so many big, impressive things that my Dad did and achieved through his lifetime, but the things that make up a life are the smaller moments. My parents dancing around his study to God Only Knows by The Beach Boys. His love of all our cats across the years and his special relationship with each of them. The time we went out into the garden, on a freezing cold night in November, to watch the Leonids – shooting stars – falling brightly through the atmosphere. Picking me up from Gobowen station every time I came back from London or undergrad, no matter how late my train was. His specific way of stacking the dishwasher that only I could emulate. Summer holidays swimming in the pool, eating ice cream together, and marvelling over his tan.
The problem with loving my Dad so much is that it’s incredibly painful now he’s gone. One of his favourite Marvel TV shows, Wandavision, had the line “what is grief, if not love persevering?” There is so much grief because there has always been so much love between us. And I am thankful for that. Thankful for him, and everything he has done to build a beautiful life for our family.
My Dad’s last words were beautiful. Something we often said to each other, from childhood to adulthood, was “I love you more than the moon, and the stars, and the wide, wide world”. I started saying it to him, none of us knowing the end was hurtling so quickly towards us. He smiled as I began to say the familiar words, and as my Mum and brother joined in, so did he, still smiling as he said “and the wide, wide world”. And that was it.
'To reference Marcus Aurelius once more, he talks in Meditations about how just a day–just a minute–of happiness, of perfection, of peace, is enough. The same goes for the people we love. That we ever had my Dad in the first place is a wonderful thing, something to be so grateful for. Whatever comes after, whatever fortune has in store for us in the future? It can’t change that. What happens next matters less because of the wonderfulness of having had my Dad at all.'
He is my best friend. He will always be my best friend. Whatever happened, I knew he would look after me. That he loved me and cared for me and that with him I was safe. He would look after our family, always. And he did. Even now we’re discovering things he did and put in place to make sure we were okay.
I know I need to stop talking, although, as I said at the beginning, I could talk forever about my Dad. I will finish with a quote from Terry Pratchett: “No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.” Hopefully my Dad will live forever.
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heyy <3 what are the 8 seconds of static?
oh this was FUNNY lmao
we are, fittingly, going back to the 1989 era for this one!!
so, once again, let me set the stage for this one. this peculiar event occurred around late October 2014, i believe just a few days before the actual release of 1989. prior to this event, taylor had released three tracks early: Shake it Off, Out of the Woods, and Welcome to New York. we had already gotten a little taste of 1989 and were just itching for the rest. but it was like right around the corner and you think that would curb the swifties appetite but NO
anyways, before diving into what happened (this is probably the shortest story i've told yet lmao), i need to also give some context for what buying and listening to music was like at this time. In 2014, streaming was beginning to creep it's way on to dominating the music industry, but it wasn't the main way people listened to music. Spotify was around but iTunes (Apple Music wasn't a thing yet) was still the big man on campus and people would actively buy iTunes cards (or use their credit card) to purchase single songs for $1.29 or entire albums (they were usually about $12 or so?) off of iTunes.
i personally can attest to this as I was buying music this way until like 2017. I even purchased the first songs off 1989 from iTunes.
so with all of these components in mind, you will see how the 8 seconds of static became a ludicrous, hilarious event in the Swiftie History Books.
this particular event was localized to Canada! (Shout out canadian swifties, congrats on the rogers center shows!) I actually didn't realize this was just a Canada event because I had heard so much about it but didn't see it for myself I had just assumed I was too late to witness it on iTunes.
but basically what happened was in late October 2014, swifities were just chilling in the late hours of the night when all of a sudden they noticed that a new song from 1989 had hit iTunes. weirdly, though, there was no title. it was just called "Track 3" but it was available to purchase, it was on 1989, and taylor's name was attached to it. so before anyone could blink, the swifties were PURCHASING it. It was $1.29, just like any other single, and they went feral. throwing something out as a surprise hasn't really ever been taylor's thing, like we know at least a few hours before something happens that it's happening but the girlies did not care. they purchase this mysterious track from 1989 title "Track 3"
and it shot to number 1 on the iTunes charts immediately
now i can't remember the way that iTunes was set up back then, especially on cell phones (people were rarely using it on computers anymore), but i don't think people could see the length of this supposed song before purchasing or if they could, it didn't stand out.
so, when the swifties went to play the track, they were greeted by....nothing. absolutely nothing. it was static. 8 seconds of pure static noise.
there was no song. there was nothing. it was actually just a glitch in the iTunes system and thankfully nothing leaked......but also, swifties had shot a song of static to number one within minutes. it was hilarious.
it was hilarious that 1) they even noticed that something had been released and 2) that no one questions anything they just bought it
it was literally called Track 3, nothing else, and the girlies went crazy. they spent $1.29 on it.
i see some article suggest that people thought it was a "snippet" of the album but to spend $1.29 on that is wonderful. perfect comedy. AI couldn't write this!!
anyways, once people realized what it was they took to socials in completely confusion and amazement that the power of swifties and hype of taylor swift was THIS wild. eventually, though, the "song" was removed and neither taylor no iTunes really commented on it. but i'm not sure if people who spent their money were refunded (any Canadian swiftie who did spend their money, please let me know if you were refunded!)
i mean we have clowned and broken ticketmaster but this level of just blind spending is unmatched.
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source 1 (photo 1)
source 2 (photo 2)
source 3
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oh i have been tagged in a thing. ty @yugonostalgia2019. time to overshare
3 ships: Hmmmm ok I gotta list Taylor x Lisa, their dynamic makes me go absolutely feral without fail. Honestly I don't even need them as a ship I just love how horrible and amazing they are for each other. I am limiting myself to one Worm ship here, despite how much it pains me, but I shall provide brief descriptions for the other ships for the people who don't know the non-worm stuff here. Marina x Pearl from Splatoon are so damn cute and I adore them. Nepotism baby punk soundcloud rapper x runaway genius former child soldier military engineer is honestly just 10/10, and they're just so good! I swear to god if the DLC doesn't have a 20 minute cutscene of lesbian cephalopod kissing I'll riot. Splatoon is my biggest fandom besides Worm which is kind of hilarious to me considering the sharp difference in tone. Third ship... hmmm, The Doctor x River Song. I just think it's genuinely such a sweet concept and wonderfully executed, two time travelers who are in love but keep meeting each other in the wrong order so their experiences and knowledge of the other don't match up is tragic and great and I nearly cried at their final episode. Honestly just been a River Song fan forever too, she's eternally my transition goals.
First ever ship: Ohhhhh gosh this one is lame. Back when I was a wee lass in middle school browsing FF.net endlessly, my main fandoms were Pokemon and Super Smash Bros. I flat out didn't realize that you could ship anything except a man and a woman because like, no one told me, and I kinda was just not a fan of romance because I thought it was always forced in stories (I was right about that tho). But then I read a Smash Bros fanfic that had Lucina and Palutena shipped and I was just like... damn, women can kiss? That sounds so cool. Shame I can never do that. And so I read the shockingly large number of fics shipping those two because it was the only wlw ship I knew existed.
Last song: I don't actually listen to music that much. Last song is uhhh... the Monster Sanctuary PVP Theme I guess due to playing Monster Sanctuary PVP. If we're talking actual music, I think my sister forced me to listen to some Taylor Swift song recently? Idk what it was but I think the album was called 1984.
Last movie: I also don't watch movies much! Uhhhhhhhhh I think it was Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No. Might have been a different one? The Sharknado movie that ends with them crashing down to Earth inside of a shark after fighting them off from a satellite and one of the characters gives birth while coming down inside the shark and the baby cuts its way out with a chainsaw before the mom gets crushed by falling debris. Sorry for spoiling, I know everyone was really looking forward to watching Sharknado 3.
Currently reading: Making my way through the Snapshots series of Splatoon fics which are so fucking good. For published stories though, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight for a class. Thinking about rereading Worm and posting about it but I gotta beat the Lakesbian copy allegations.
Currently watching: I'm don't really watch anything when I'm on my own, I prefer to read in almost all situations. When I go home though, I watch One Piece with my sister because it is nice to spend time with her and she's very passionate about the show.
Currently consuming: Nerds Gummy Clusters. I regret every bite but I bought this shitty bag of candy so I gotta finish it. Fuck these are terrible.
Currently craving: Mini Chewy Sweettarts. They're my favorite candy and I have a massive sweet tooth so I've been craving them, but I swear every single damn store in a mile radius stopped stocking them and is now selling "Sweettart gummies" or "Sweettart chewy fusions" or "Sweettart ropes" or "Sweettart rope bites" and that is not what I desire! Where is my delicious mouth hurting candy ;-;
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CD04 - Midnights
No one wanted to play with me as a little kid So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since
yeah guys, i am a taylor swift enjoyer, it's true, the rumours are true.
I am not going to take a deep dive into my relationship with her music right now, I'm just going to talk about this album, because I have made a decision and I am standing by it. (Is 'standing by a decision' actually a saying or have I been speaking english wrong for years? let me know.)
Midnights! Bought this one at the local mall a few months ago, when P.E. class got cancelled and I had some free time. It was a Thursday.
I am not the biggest pop music listener- what is pop music anyway- but I can dance to anything when I put my mind to it, and let the music grow on me. This is what happened with this album, I hadn't heard it whole, I'd maybe listened to a few songs once or twice before, so I did not really know what to expect but, let's be real here. It's a good pop album. Come on now.
My favourites at first glance- listen- were definitely Bejeweled and Vigilante Shit. Something something about women, something something about the way she says "she looks so pretty. driving in your benz.", something something about missing sparkling.
Now, I can say that my favourite on that album is You're On Your Own, Kid, because good lord that song is pretty. I can also say that I used to skip Maroon and Labyrinth. Don't skip Maroon anymore (That Bridge) but Labyrinth is just not my jam! And that is okay! I still enjoy the album thouroughly! Love Midnights.
The fact that the tracklist is on the front cover and not the back has thrown me off my rythm more than once. I'd turn over the case only to be greeted by her mysterious gaze and some random ass numbers. (It's a clock, I know it's a clock) But I got used to it eventually.
If you wanted some really in depth analysis of the lyrics and any particular reference to any particular event that has happened, you've come to the wrong place big guy. All I can say is: this album is beautiful lyrically. I like the way she says the things. Cool.
It would surprise me, but if you haven't heard any song of off Midnights, definitely recommend, one of my favourite albums of hers for sure.
byee
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I have barely any followers so I dont expect anybody to see this. But if there is any place to talk about my love for Taylor, it is here.
I've had a few people ask me why I love Taylor Swift so much. I understand why they ask, and why I might get weird looks, parasocial relationships and whatnot. But what they don't understand and what I have a hard time communicating is that Taylor is more than just music to me.
We grew up together. I'm five and a half years younger than her, so she completely shaped my adolescence. When Debut came out I was just starting the 6th grade, the grade when I learned some harsh lessons about bullying and friendships.
Fearless came out in the middle of 8th grade, the worst year of my life. That album was a comfort to me when everything else seemed hopeless. I had cut-outs from J-14 magazine plastered on my walls, of Taylor and the Jonas Brothers. I tried to convince my teacher that we should sing Fifteen at our 8th grade graduation (I lost that one).
Speak Now came out when I was 15, and I listened to that album until every word was ingrained in my brain. My older cousin bought us tickets to her Speak Now tour for my birthday, and she was my first ever big concert. We drew 13's on the back of our hands and screamed along with her while she sang Mean barefoot, while she hit giant bells during Haunted (my favorite song at the time), while she floated over the crowd on her balcony in her Love Story outfit right in front of us, close enough I thought if I reached out I could touch her. I don't remember which cover she sang, but she did it in her purple dress, with sharpie scrawled across her arms. I took so many blurry and grainy photos of her that day. Speak Now will always have a very special place in my heart.
Red came out when I was 17. I learned through one of her diary entries that she had actually written the song Red on the flight home from our concert. To think that I saw her not even 24 hours before she wrote one of the most iconic songs of her career was mind blowing. I was dating now, so all of the songs about relationships became relatable for the first time. I knew from the moment I heard it that All Too Well was the best song of her career, and I have some obnoxious Facebook posts to prove it. The Last Time became one of my favorite songs she had ever made. Flash forward 5 years and I was posting 22 on my Facebook the minute it hit midnight. (Yes, Facebook. I'm old and uncool, we've established that already.)
1989 came out the year after I graduated high school. I was on my own for the first time, completely unprepared and immature, with a toxic partner who I ended up staying with for 5 years. I still have distinct memories of riding the bus past the WWU campus on my way to work, blasting the album in my headphones. I was in my semi-popular Lana Del Rey Tumblr days then, and you best believe I was making gifsets of the Blank Space music video. These were also the years when I sank into my deepest depression. 1989 was a bright light in that darkness.
Reputation came out when I was actually 22, right after leaving the five year relationship, and leaving everything I owned behind me or in storage, while my ex took my two beloved cats. This was my revenge era, my short lived "hoe phase" if you will. I remember listening to it for the first time in the car with my mom while driving to Seattle. I remember listening to it in the kitchen with my then 11 year old sister, and her saying "well that's inappropriate" during one of the songs (probably Dress). I was a little too harsh when I said, "well she's a grown adult, shes writing for herself, not writing for kids." What a brat. I specifically remember one Tumblr post from a fan that went to the Secret Sessions, of her gasping and saying "Taylor!" in a scandalized way during one of the songs (my guess is, again, Dress) and Taylor replying something along the lines of "I know, right!" To this day, Reputation is the album I have the most fun listening to, and the one I blast the loudest in the car.
Lover came out when I was 24, living in a small room without a door in my Grandma's house that doubled as her office. This was the no privacy era and it did NOT slay. This was also the era that I was in love with someone I shouldn't have been (you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes). Every love song on that album was dedicated to him. False God became a new favorite. This was the time right before it all fell apart, when the entire world shut down and I hurt people and was hurt myself (again, stupid prizes).
Folklore came out in the midst of being completely isolated from the world, except being dropped off at work every day and trying to go to college online. The beginning of my severe and debilitating germaphobia. The constant fear that I would catch COVID from my irresponsible coworkers. Not to mention, my heart was ripped open because I was August, and she was Betty. This album, I think, is the one where I couldn't deny the similarities to my own situation. It felt like it was meant for me, in that moment. Seven was for the little me that died when I was young. This Is Me Trying was a letter to my loved ones, when I couldn't explain that my brain was actively trying to kill me. I've only listened to Hoax twice, because that one is the most painful. I was the epitome of "I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want, just not home."
Evermore, bless it's heart, came out of nowhere and was an amazing surprise. That being said (Ryan Bergara voice), Tolerate It, Happiness, Ivy, Long Story Short, Closure, Evermore and Right Where You Left Me were a twist in the knife of a trauma that wouldn't leave me, no matter how hard I tried. I was out on my own, truly alone, for the first time in my life. And I was terrified that, like Taylor said, this pain would be forevermore.
The re-records were amazing. I was so proud of Taylor for sticking up for herself and challenging the leeches that had gotten rich off of her talent. The moment she hinted at the 10 minute version on social media, I flipped my shit. Again, I have Facebook posts to prove it lol. I memorized the new verses in a day, I listened to it on repeat for weeks. I was staying at an airbnb the day Red TV came out, and I spent that night dancing around the kitchen with my headphones on.
And now... Midnights. I'm 27 now, and by this point I've lived a thousand different lifetimes. I listened to it in my dorm room alone, with my headphones on the second it was released. And then for good measure, I listened to it again the second the 3 AM version came out. I always need the second listen, to really soak up and understand an album. I made a bracket tournament thingie of all of the songs, and at first Vigilante Shit won, but after a couple more listens, Karma replaced it in the top spot. I listened to this album so much, on repeat constantly, that even though it was released in October, every single song made it to my Spotify Wrapped (not to mention the fact that I was in the top 2% of TS listeners). I was lucky enough to score tickets to the Era's tour, after much anxiety and freaking out from crashing websites and delayed sales. I screamed as soon as it was confirmed. Things have been rough, especially in the last month or so. One of the only things keeping me hopeful is the fact that in 4 months, I will get to see one of my favorite people in concert again.
That's not to mention the merch over the years. A Speak Now Tour shirt, notebooks and posters with Taylor's face on them, two signed CD's, a Red cardigan, a "fuck the patriarchy" keychain, The Scarf, and a few (not as many as I'd like) vinyls. I'm still pissed that my 1989 CD with the polaroids is lost somewhere in my storage unit.
At this point, if anyone is reading this, which I doubt they will, and especially if they have read this far (I'm sorry this post turned into a monster), they're probably thinking that I am a weirdly obsessed fan. Someone who thinks that someone they've never met in person is their BFF. I don't think I'm either of those things, but Taylor Swift has, and always will be a comfort to me. Especially as a neurodivergent person, having just ONE person who has been consistent for most of my life, someone who I can look up to and learn from, music I can listen to and immediately be comforted, is essential. At this point, now that I really think about it, Taylor Swift really is one of my special interests, and she has been long before I even knew that special interests were a thing (late diagnosed).
On top of all of this, she is just a genuinely good and kind person. You don't see that super often, in this cut throat industry. She is someone to look up to, even if Dear Reader says otherwise.
I've been writing this for about half an hour, and my phone is shaking from holding it above my head while I lay in bed and type. If literally anyone gets this far in the post, thanks for reading my weird diary entry I guess lol. Above all else, this is really a love letter to Taylor. Thank you for being there for me through it all.
#taylor swift#taylornation#tswift#midnights#evermore#folklore#lover#reputation#1989#red tv#speak now#fearless#taylor swift debut#the eras tour#speak now tour
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the albums of my life in no particular order
#1 Greyson Chance's Hold On 'Til The Night (2011)
the very first physical album I've ever bought for myself, spent a month and a half saving up to buy this after my elementary graduation. i took care of it so much that the case broke LOL
fave song/s: Home Is In Your Eyes, Little London Girl (became my alarm ringtone!), Summertrain (adult me loved this), Stranded (my imaginative self imagined a whole MV for this song), Running Away (man this song resonates more to me as an adult PLS), Light Up The Dark, Fire (cover) (I love this cover sm!)
#2 One Direction's Take Me Home (2012)
the second album I bought! got the Yearbook Edition alongside Niall's cardigan from Penshoppe (both are still with me!!) LMAO this album reminds me so much of high school, so nostalgic. one of my classmates gifted me a folder filled with printed lyrics so I had every song memorized. i also remembered that I used to make jingles with some of the songs' tunes from this album!!
fave song/s: Change My Mind, Over Again (it enhanced my "rapping" skills LOL), Nobody Compares
#3 Taylor Swift's RED (2012) (linked is Taylor's Version!)
this album reminds me of my first and only vacation on my uncle's city, my Samsung GT-C3222 that was stolen when I was on my way home LOL. also I (still) have Myx Magazine Taylor Swift special edition filled with all her lyrics up until her Red album. also it reminded me of Cornetto!
fave song/s: State of Grace, The Lucky One
#4 5 Seconds of Summer's debut album (2014)
this reminded me of that specific* person LMAO whenever I listen to this album, I think of him and how he's doing, and if things were different, would we have a chance? EME LAMANG! anyways only the REAL ones that Heartbreak Girl and Try Hard sound different on this album compared to their pre-releases. my sister also loved this album, her fave is English Love Affair!
fave song/s: Heartbreak Girl, Long Way Home, Try Hard, If You Don't Know (I know it's not on the album, it's from Don't Stop EP BUT I love this song sm), Try Hard (the old version!! linking it below)
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#5 Justin Bieber's Purpose (2015)
i remember asking for an illegally downloaded copy of this album along with One Direction's Made In the AM. both reminded me of my last year of junior high school and my old Nokia N8 phone (and the ringback tones of my classmates (and ex); it was either What Do You Mean or Sorry LOL)
fave song/s: No Pressure (on repeat!!), The Feeling
#5 BTS' Love Yourself 轉 Tear (2018)
when One Direction had their (FAKE!!) hiatus back in 2015, I never followed any musical artist so I embarked on my 2-year journey of being a Potterhead and a Dramione shipper LMAO I knew BTS since I was 13 but never really focused on them because I was busy focusing on 1D pls,, anyways this album has a great impact on me, I never knew that the first time I watched Fake Love's MV (with subtitles) that I would love them this much. (also, the track listing??? chef's kiss!)
fave song/s: 134340, Paradise, Love Maze, Outro: Tear
#6 BTS' MAP OF THE SOUL: PERSONA (2019)
this album reminds me of anything pre-pandemic. it was 2019, my dog just gave birth to three puppies (only one survived, which is Chimmy), I shifted programs and finally felt that everything was falling into place. it made me appreciate the color pink. everything was great.
fave song/s: Boy With Luv, Jamais Vu
#7 BTS' MAP OF THE SOUL: 7
i still can remember how everyone was so excited about this album. no, this isn't just an album, it was a milestone. 7 years for my one true 7. it was such a grand scale album, performance-wise, lyricism-wise, concept-wise, until hell broke loose.
fave songs: Interlude: Shadow, Black Swan (the orchestra version!!), UGH!, We are Bulletproof: The Eternal
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#8 RM's mono. (2018)
ah. RM's mono. where should i start? is it possible for an album to see through your soul? i don't know. but this one did. and it became a source of solace. a warm embrace. even up until now, it's my very special friend.
fave song/s: everythingoes
(will put the continuation of this post on a reblog since I already exceeded my 10 audio/video URLs LOL)
#favorite albums#bts#taylor swift#greyson chance#5sos#rm#agust d#one direction#1d#5 seconds of summer#spotify#youtube#soundcloud#rants n rambles
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Repost: Ask on Mitski and on BTS Losing their Love for Making Music
Anonymous: Hi! Recently, because of Tiktok, I discovered this artist, Mitski. While I do like the music I've come across, I haven't dove into her full discography. I was curious about her since it seems like there's a lot of coversations occuring about her on the app and while I was reading her wikipedia, I came across this: She has stated her main reason for quitting was that she had a difficult time grappling with new-found indie stardom when her 2018 album Be the Cowboy hit the mainstream. She said the music industry felt like a "super-saturated version of consumerism", and that in the industry "you have to be a product that's being bought and sold and consumed". She regrets using her actual name to release music because it not longer felt like it belonged to her, and she felt like "a foreigner" to herself. She feared that by continuing to make music, eventually she would begin to produce music she didn't care about.
I wonder for artists like BTS, especially Namjoon and to a somewhat lesser extent Yoongi who both have publically commented on their artist/idol personas, if this is part of their struggles too. Especially for Namjoon who got a lot of flack from both Armys and non-Armys about his statement of them not releasing an English song or album and then coming out with Dynamite, and who has been open about his struggles with his artistry as well. For Yoongi, I think he's come to terms with who he is as an artist while Namjoon is still somewhat finding his way, based off of the comments I can remember from their interviews in the past few years. I guess as an ARMY, one of my biggest fears as a fan is for BTS to lose their love for creating music that are from their heart. So reading this and remembering those interviews made me a bit sad. I think this is a struggle for all artists, yes? A lot of them can't do music for the sake of music if they want to survive and we're just fortunate that BTS was able to do it, keep making music they want and not only earn but also dominate. I've found artists through you that people around me wouldn't even know. How many artists are there out in the world who are so passionate and talented but can't catch that big break? There was also this part: Mitski has stated in interviews that she has an uneasy relationship with her fans because she finds their relationship to her and her music overwhelming. She found the "worshipful commentary" about herself online damaging to her self-image. Her fanbase has been described as both 'extremely online', "cultish", and as rivaling Taylor Swift and BTS in intensity, if not size. In an interview in 2022 she described the audience at one of her shows as "unrelenting. Everyone needed a piece of me; I was so overwhelmed by hands grabbing at me that I was crying." In February 2022, Mitski tweeted out a statement regarding her feelings about fans using their phones at shows to record entire songs and sets. Watching fans record her shows, she felt "as though those of us on stage are being taken from and consumed as content". It reminded me of the MV of interlude: shadow and reading it made me feel the same choking feeling I felt when I first watched the MV. I've seen discourse in Tiktok on people fighting about their 'right' to record her shows when she's expressed that she doesn't want anyone doing so. I can't even imagine the pandemonium that would happen if BTS expressed the same (not that I think they would ever bec they're entirely used to cameras up in their faces now and seem to be capable of ignoring it somewhat while being aware of themselves). This begs the question: how much of artists are fans entitled to? Isn't the music enough. Does ARMY feel the same to BTS?
Mitski is often described as a private person. In interviews, she has declined to give specific details about her family and share the names of her two cats. She has explained that the choice to be private has made some people angry, because she has not held up her side of the bargain as a public figure. As an Asian-American woman, she felt pressure to represent her community. She expressed discomfort at the idea of people looking to her for guidance and seeing her as a leader of change in a white male-dominated industry. This reminds me of BTS too and some ARMY's appetite for knowing everything about them. We're lucky that a lot in the fandom actively pushes back on those who toe the line of privacy the boys have clearly set up. We are all aware of the pressure on BTS as Asian artist but for Mitski, it's a whole different battle altogether too. I can't even imagine. What do you think, BPP?
*
Hi Anon,
I loved reading this. There are many parts of your ask that I want to highlight.
“I guess as an ARMY, one of my biggest fears as a fan is for BTS to lose their love for creating music that are from their heart.”
I’d say they feel the same as you do as they’ve been singing about this fear for years now, which to me shows how real of a threat it can be to an artist. The lyrics of several songs from Born Singer to Black Swan say as much.
“A lot of them can’t do music for the sake of music if they want to survive and we’re just fortunate that BTS was able to do it, keep making music they want and not only earn but also dominate.”
There are many motivators for ARMYs supporting BTS and this is one of them. Making music can be costly, and especially in the k-pop industry that churns groups out like poptarts on a conveyor belt to be consumed for a few years tops then sidelined for the next batch of groups, the cold hard truth is that a group has to be widely profitable to have longevity. You say “we’re just fortunate BTS was able to do it”, but I think it was more than mere fortune or chance. ARMYs decided to help make this a reality for them and this is one primary goal of ARMYs learning charting rules all over the world to know how to play fair. Many ARMYs were won over by BTS’s passion and commitment to making music together, so the feeling was, ‘whatever we can do to get these guys in a position where they can make whatever music they want, we’ll do it.’ When Taehyung said they no longer feel pressure to make a particular type of music and feel more freedom to do more of what they want, that made me very happy. They’ve shown unexpected sides to them in their solo music so far, and I’m really looking forward to all the solo and OT7 releases this year.
“This begs the question: how much of artists are fans entitled to? Isn’t the music enough?”
You know, I started writing a long paragraph here about what k-pop fans think they’re entitled to and the differences in some dominant attitudes with k-pop fans and ARMYs then scrapped the whole thing because, I honestly don’t think we’re ready for that conversation. Every single person including myself will be implicated and the picture is not pretty. I will say that ARMYs are the one fandom that though imperfectly, tries to consider this question in how they engage with BTS. All those 'ARMY rules’ people are constantly coming on Tumblr to complain about, are one imperfect expression of it and it’s one reason I’m a bit sympathetic towards the fandom. As you say here: “We’re lucky that a lot in the fandom actively pushes back on those who toe the line of privacy the boys have clearly set up.” BTS’s music is the primary reason I became a fan and this is the experience of several ARMYs I know, so I think for a lot of us, the music might be enough. But that’s not how k-pop functions and that’s the truth.
“Does ARMY feel the same to BTS?”
I don’t know. I think you’re right about RM still figuring things out and it’s very possible that in the not too distant future, BTS might do other things besides music, or music together. I think that, post-Grammys, there’ll be a sequence of events that will happen very quickly and we’ll have more clarity on but it’s too early to speculate now. On how BTS feels about ARMY, I really like what RM said about ARMY here:
**
You know, Mitski is an artist I love but she’s a bit of a special case. There’s been some controversy around how her dad worked as a CIA operative during a time of violent regime change in Central Africa. And as usual on the internet, people were unrelentingly critical saying she apparently grew up privileged but 'marketed’ herself as a grassroots radical spearheading anti-capitalist and queer politics. People have said she white-washed her American and Japanese heritage in the cowboy myth in her music and basically romanticized 'genocidal colonizer’ attitudes. I kid you not. People were going to her concerts solely to write reviews criticizing the whole thing from start to finish. So, her statements aren’t surprising to me given, well, how huge swarths of people have decided to mischaracterize her whole career.
Sometimes, when I talk about how minority artists are discussed I now realize some people might not have sufficient context for what I’m talking about. But that right there is one example.
Originally posted: March 22nd, 2022 10:45am
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enemies to lovers + Luke/Bobby *heavy breathing*
brought to you by the third to last photo in taylor kare's latest instagram post and also miss you like hell by nightly (thank u @where-you-go for always indulging me with perfect lukebobby songs)
-x-
Luke doesn't even know what he's doing here. If Alex or Reggie knew what he was doing, they'd be so pissed. They'd tell him he should know better, that he's only going to make things worse; as if Luke doesn't know that already.
He's not acting in his own best interest or with any sort of common sense. He's never had any common sense when it comes to Bobby so honestly, nobody should expect anything different.
It's his own stupid fault that he even found out about Bobby's show in the first place. If Luke would just block Bobby on Instagram then this never would've happened. Deep down, he knows that even if he did block Bobby, he'd still torture himself every once in a while by looking up Bobby's account anyway.
But maybe it's not just his fault. Maybe it's Bobby's fault too, at least partially, for posting more now than he ever did before. A year ago, Bobby's Instagram was practically bare. Now it's like he's selling himself, his brand, and it's all a fucking lie.
Luke just wishes the lie didn't look so fucking good. Maybe he wouldn't be so mad. Maybe he wouldn't have bought an impulse ticket to Bobby's show tonight and maybe he wouldn't be skulking around in the back of the club, waiting for Bobby to take the stage.
Maybe Luke would be at home doing something productive with his time, like fueling his anger at Bobby into a song or two. Maybe a whole album. Maybe Alex and Reggie wouldn't notice.
The lights in the club go dim and the crowd starts cheering, which does absolutely nothing to settle Luke's churning stomach. He told himself that he'd stay as far away from the stage as possible. He doesn't want Bobby to know he's here; he doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he still gets under his skin.
Bobby's not allowed to know things about him anymore.
Luke hates that the first thought that comes to mind when Bobby takes the stage is fuck, he looks good. He shakes his head, tearing his eyes away from the stage as he resists the urge to get closer. The set hasn't even started yet and he's already losing his goddamn nerve.
He manages to stay still through the set, not even lifting his hands to clap when songs end. Everyone else around him cheers, clearly enjoying Bobby's music and the show he's putting on, but Luke just glares daggers at him from the back of the club.
"Thanks," Bobby says, huffing a laugh into the microphone. Luke bristles at the sound of it, hating the way the sound of it tugs at his chest. "I've got one more and, uhh, I have a new song that I was thinking of playing…"
The crowd voices their interest with a number of cheers and Luke feels a lump form in his throat. Bobby glances around as he wraps his hand around the microphone stand, and for a moment Luke thinks that maybe he's spotted him. His heart skips a beat and he feels the urge to run, but then Bobby speaks again.
"It's, umm," he swallows hard, "it's about someone I… someone I lost. It's called Miss You Like Hell."
As soon as the song starts, Luke's seething. It would be so much easier to feel good about hating Bobby if he was a shitty musician on top of everything else.
Drove by your old apartment
Looking for a way to start it over again
Cuz you’ve been stuck in my head
Luke doesn't want to like this song. He wants to hate it, he wants to hate Bobby with every fibre of his being. He does hate Bobby, that's not going to change. He had his chance to apologize and he didn't take it.
Tried to open up about it
Called a friend to clear my conscience
They said there’s nothing, nothing
It feels like the walls are closing in on Luke. The crowd seems to disappear around him; it's only him and Bobby in the room.
I miss you like hell
I don’t know what to do about it
Bobby doesn't even know he's here. There's no way he knows. Luke is being so careful, he's kept to the shadows, he doesn't want Bobby to know he's here. He feels the urge to leave, but it's coupled with the desperate desire to rush the stage and force Bobby to say these things to his face.
There's no way this song isn't about him and Luke knows it, but he wants to hear it from Bobby himself.
Before the song ends, Luke finds his feet moving forward of their own accord. He dodges people left and right, maneuvering through the crowd until he's barely two feet from the stage.
He's staring Bobby down the entire time, which means he sees it the exact moment that Bobby notices him. It's like he's seen a ghost.
Bobby stammers through his goodbye, forcing a smile when he thanks the crowd, but it's obvious he's rattled. Good, Luke thinks to himself. He keeps staring Bobby down even as Bobby exits the stage, throwing one last look over his shoulder at Luke before he disappears backstage.
Luke practically runs through the club to get out as fast as he can, not caring one bit about anyone he knocks into in his rush. As soon as he makes it out the front, he hightails it into the alley beside the club in search of the stage door.
He doesn't have a plan. His mind is blank apart from a constant loop of Bobby. He can't let him get away. He needs Bobby to explain himself, even if he has to force it out of him.
The stage door swings open just before Luke reaches it, causing him to stumble to a stop. When Bobby appears through it a moment later, Luke honestly thinks that he's hallucinating at first. There's no way it's going to be this easy.
"What are you doing here?" Bobby asks, his voice hoarse and breathless.
"I…" Luke starts, finding it hard to breathe. He hadn't realized how out of breath he was until this moment, and he curses himself for it. He doesn't want to show any weakness right now. "I just--"
"I didn't--" Bobby falters, turning away from Luke like he can't hold himself together if he's looking at him. "You weren't supposed to be here."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Luke snaps.
"What are you doing here?" Bobby asks again, sounding stronger this time. Far more angry than before.
"It's a free country," Luke says as he crosses his arms. He keeps staring at Bobby and slowly starts to feel his resolve crack. "I bought a ticket at the door," he adds lamely.
Bobby mimics Luke, wrapping his arms around himself, and huffs. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you here?" Bobby shouts.
"I don't know!" Luke shouts back. "Why did you write that song?"
"No, you--" Bobby groans loudly. "You don't get to ask me that."
"Why not?"
"Because you don't get to dictate what I write songs about!"
"I do when they're clearly about me!" Luke yells. "What the fuck, Bobby?!"
"You weren't supposed to hear it!"
"Too fucking late!"
"I didn't know you were--" Bobby groans again. "If I'd known you-- I wouldn't--"
Luke scoffs. "What, you'd go back to pretending you never gave a shit about me?"
"That's not--"
"You don't get to play the victim, Bobby," Luke says as he approaches Bobby. "You're the one who left."
"Don't you think I know that?" Bobby answers angrily as he moves closer to Luke. "It's all my fault. I fucking know it, okay?"
Luke laughs bitterly. "Is this you taking responsibility?"
"Fuck you."
"Fuck you!" Luke gives Bobby a hard shove, but Bobby gets right back in Luke's face.
"Don't fucking push me," he growls.
"Or what?"
They're so close together that when Bobby breathes out, Luke feels his breath. His heartbeat is pounding in his ears as they stare each other down, anger radiating off of both of them. He hasn't been this close to Bobby in months and it reminds Luke of so many things all at once, but he fights to hang onto his anger.
In the end, it's Bobby who breaks first. He crashes his mouth against Luke's as he throws his arms around him, tangling one hand in Luke's hair with a grip so tight it hurts.
Luke whimpers into Bobby's mouth but latches on in an instant, kissing him hard as he digs his fingers into Bobby's back deep enough to leave bruises.
Even if nothing else about their former relationship worked, this was always something they could agree on.
filled prompts
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okay i knew i was missing a tag game here somehwere
thank you so much for the tag @ocontraire i am sorry I almost forgot o7. not tagging anyone cause i feel a lot of my mutuals have done this already?
my 9 favorite albums in no particular order:
Teatro d'ira: Vol. 1 - Måneskin
An Italian friend of mine is normal:tm: about music and loves spreading the Italian music agenda and I do like some rock music. Literally all songs on this fuck so much
Rush! - Måneskin
Friend in question who got me into Måneskin hates the album cause the lyrics but sometimes I do want rock music where I actually understand the lyrics so we deal with the cringe. Anyway Gossip my beloved, Gasoline and Don't Wanna Sleep also fuck
Doppelganger - LeaF
LeaF has me in a chokehold no matter which song it is, I'm slightly mad all songs on here are the extended versions but I cope. Aleph-0 also fucks more as extended so good for me
1989 - Taylor Swift
First album I ever bought in pre streaming days. Enough said
Folklore - Taylor Swift
If 1989 wasn't the first ever album I bought I would like this one more. Mad Woman opening piano stull haunts me and there is a reason one of my friends is saved in my phone as 'woman with madness'
Fake Circus - t+pazolite
I was super hyped for this album, then very meh when it actually released despite liking most of the songs as singles, and now I love it. Idk what he put into Izana extend but I need more of it
See you again, HOLLOWood - t+pazolite
I've been listening to this cause the title for timeloop fic is from this album and yeah. This slaps. Haven't listened to that much of his music from beyond the past three or four years and I'm glad I finally did
The Fame Monster - Lady Gaga
Sometimes I need whatever genre of music she made back then okay? Unfortunately Paparazzi and Poker Face still slap to this day
The Joshua Tree
Look I grew up listening to U2. I went to the Joshua Tree Tour with my dad. Of course I will put them on here
#tag game#this was such a struggle cause most music i listen to is released as singles or in compilations and it makes me wanna scream#going through the albums however. my love for rhythm game music is really trying to make its presence known </3#funnily enough i like how to dismantle an atomic bomb a bit more but joshua tree has a special place in my heart
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That feeling when you get one of your favorite songs in the Eras Tour Surprise Song set
It's been a while, Tumblr! Life has been pretty busy, but I just want to share that I crossed another thing on my bucket list. And yes, that's when I saw Taylor Swift in The Eras Tour last February 7 🥹
I've been a Swiftie since I saw the Love Story music video back in 2009. Ever since then, I've followed Taylor's journey in her career, from the young country pop singer to the worldwide sensation that she is now. Seeing her for the first time after 15 years of being a fan was... incredible. I really had the time of my life with her.
My journey to The Eras Tour wasn't a smooth one. As a Swiftie in Asia, I had only two options: Singapore or Japan. I tried Singapore, but I got waitlisted in Ticketmaster and ran out of tickets in Klook. I tried Japan, but I lost in the lottery twice. (Also got scammed, but that's another story.)
After that second lottery in Japan, I lost hope and made peace that I may never get to see her. But when Japan opened the general sale, my friends and I finally secured tickets!!!!
(Yes, I made all those friendship bracelets myself. No one told me it was super addicting to make them!)
It was the best night of my life! I traded friendship bracelets, sang along to the songs I grew up listening to, and danced clumsily to every beat. (I'm pretty sure the quiet couple next to me were judging me.)
My main highlight of the night was the acoustic set/surprise songs. This part is the one I looked forward to the most because you get two unique songs every night. We didn't get the mashups, unfortunately (Australian Swifties, count your days!), but I got one of my favorite songs as my surprise song. Fresh from her Album of the Year win at the Grammys, Taylor decided to play something in Midnights that she never played live before. There were only three songs in Midnights that she never played before (afaik): Glitch, Paris, and Dear Reader. Thankfully, she played the one Midnights song in my Dream Surprise Songs List (spoiler alert: it's Dear Reader!)
For me, Dear Reader is one of the most personal songs from Taylor. Most Swifties use Taylor's songs (and herself) as "guiding light," but this song is a reminder that she's never the be-all-end-all solution to our problems ("never take advice from someone who's falling apart"/"but darling, darling, please, you wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking"). But of course, at the end of the day, she still "shine so bright." It's the perfect ending song for Midnights, an album where she talks about so much self-antagonizing.
My second surprise song that night was Holy Ground from Red. Fun little fact about me: The first ever album I bought with my own money was Red. It was 2012, I was 14, and I was in my second year in high school. I saved for four weeks just to buy that album. And when did, I carried the lyric booklet all around, used it as my bookmark, and had fun just memorizing the songs. To this day, that Red Deluxe album is still in my room.
Also, it's just fitting that she sings this song with the lyrics "back when you fit my poems like a perfect rhyme"/"and the story's got dust on every page." It's such a nice touch after announcing The Tortured Poets Department (which, by the way, should've been announced that night if she didn't win in the Grammys 😭).
I'm only allowed to upload one video in this post (ugh, I hate Tumblr restrictions), so here's my friend's recording of Dear Reader and Holy Ground that night:
(Catch me scream and shake my friend because I was so excited when Taylor said Dear Reader and her panicked "my phone!" because she almost dropped it. And my "the other day" when I realized Holy Ground was the second surprise song 😭 And if you can listen carefully, yes that's me singing poorly in the background!)
Thanks for this wonderful night, @taylorswift. I hope to see you again!!!!!
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This is the last tape. Treasure it.
I get irrationally attached to the music that I listen to. I love strange, cryptic stuff (I'm really coming around on Noise, I swear!) and for a while, I was buying tapes on Bandcamp pretty much by random. It wasn't some hipster impulse to get in at the ground level, at least I don't think so. I think I had just purchased a tape player and wanted to fill out my collection with stuff from small labels-- plus it was a fun way to branch out a bit more.
At some point along that process, I had come across Talk, Tired Thanatoid, an indie band that was releasing stuff on Pacific Nature Records. This story isn't about Talk, Tired Thanatoid, but I do want to say that they make good music and that Sunflowers Bitter as Ocean Water was one of the best tape pickups I've made (the Mountain Goats mentioned on one of their tracks, Taylor Swift, I think?). I wanted more, so I leapt with reckless abandon into the rest of PNR's releases.
Their catalogue is broad. It definitely rules (although, they're on an extended hiatus and have been for a bit). Raw indie rock, synth-wave dream pop, the label was full of treasures. I've always been a sucker for bedroom pop, though. I think Linda Smith really opened a lot of doors in late 80s and early 90s and Bandcamp helped tons of people leverage that into an ever-growing genre. I think this may also be why the modern lo-fi genre has shifted so substantially from tape-hiss and washed out recordings into dreamy, looping hip-hop. This is also not what the story is about; I just have a lot of thoughts, okay?
Anyway, I was digging through the PNR catalogue looking for more tapes to buy, and after a few hours of listening and thinking, I found a beautiful bedroom pop album. It was sad and soothing in a way that very few records have ever felt for my brain, beyond the Mountain Goats and the Weakerthans. I instantly bought it. The album was by an artist named Emma St. Clair, and shared her name.
Sadcore Is A Legitimate Genre And We Demand To Be Taken Sadly
The tapes arrived in the mail a few weeks later. I think at the time I bought them (probably early 2020?), PNR was already in the midst of their hiatus, although their Bandcamp didn't reflect it. I wasn't too pressed about it; I got two brand new tapes in the mail and they were unbelievably good. Sunflowers sounded even better through the whine of my old-piece-of-garbage Naxa CD/Tape player, and the Emma St. Clair tape came with a few square stickers that read "Sadcore Is A Legitimate Genre And We Demand To Be Taken Sadly."
I've grown to love small goodies in small-label orders. Maybe I've been Pavlov'd from the Airheads that you get from ordering a Jeff Rosenstock tape from Polyvinyl, but I really love small gestures like that. I set the stickers aside and kept digging through the package, just to make sure that I didn't miss anything. I turned the package upside-down at the end to be 100% certain. Nothing else, cool.
I remember opening the Emma St. Clair tape for the first time. It was in one of those soft plastic tape cases, the ones that kinda eat the J-Card's edges a little bit when you close them. When I opened it, a small square of paper landed in my lap. I grabbed it and flipped it over. Scribbled on it in black marker was the phrase "This is the last tape. Treasure it." The tape was numbered, 13/25.
I didn't really think much of it--for all I knew, I had gotten really lucky and got the last tape from an album with a limited run. Donut Girl ended and I popped Sunflowers back into its case. "Time to try out Emma St. Clair," I thought. The album sounded incredible. I really do believe that bedroom pop was meant to be heard on cassette and I won't take any more of your time justifying it here. This sadcore tape especially sounded divine.
I remember falling in love with the Communist Sympathy series of songs on this tape immediately on my first listen. They were full of frustration and anxiety, but Emma's voice delivered the lines with a soothing cadence that made them seem almost comforting. I finished the Side A and blazed through Side B too. The J-Card notably left out the 10th song on the album. Cool, maybe it was meant to be a bonus track? I remember getting ready to hear "Sorry" before being completely blind-sided by the real bonus track.
YOU ARE OKAY
A monotone robotic voice began speaking to me through the Naxa, reminiscent of the text-to-speech on those clunky old Mac desktop computers.
"You are okay. I say it five times fast until the meaning separates from the syllables that are crawling over my lips. You are okay. I'll see you later this week. But I play pretend, you play dead. You are okay. I swear I won't touch you or look at you even when I'm supposed to. I am a responsible adult and I am lying to myself on the daily. I am eating all the details, dissecting every conversation we've ever had, breaking it down to the smallest molecules, the last atom of hydrogen in a nuclear reactor. Boom. Impact. You are okay. I say it slowly until it's a mantra, a prayer, I am begging you to believe me. You are okay. I won't see you when you get back, but I'll ask anyway. Same story. You are okay. I swear I'll let this go or even write it off as high-school bullshit. You are okay. You are a responsible adult and you are lying to yourself on the daily. You're eating up all the details. Acceptance is the first stage of recovery, but you're already on the edge. There's nowhere left to fall to. Boom. Impact."
I didn't really know how to react. It was unsettling, to say the least. I had no idea about the significance of that spoken-word at the time that I heard it. It was cryptic, and I remember thinking it was a cool idea to include at the end of a limited release.
The next few months dragged on in the way you'd expect a global pandemic to. I didn't revisit this tape much, but Communist Sympathy in Your Hometown was on a few of my playlists over that period of time. At this point, I was already deep into my current Monthly Playlist routine, and I remember In Your Hometown and In the Northern Orange County Area bouncing in-and-out of the rotation. When I find an artist with that much sticking power, I'll usually try to dig a bit deeper to find more of their work.
I returned to PNR's Bandcamp, this time determined to find more Emma St. Clair. I found her own personal Bandcamp, not tied to the label. She released a sequel to her self-titled album, but hadn't put out any new songs in awhile--bummer. Her Bandcamp linked to a few of her other Social Media accounts; Tumblr and Twitter were still actively available, while her Facebook page was a broken link at that point. I checked the Tumblr page first, thinking that this would be the place that I'd catch any new artistic endeavors. Maybe she was performing with a group or under a different name?
No dice. The last post was from years ago. Her Twitter account was the same story, no posts since July 22, 2016. Her real name was linked in these accounts, and was actually also listed on the tape as well; I just never really looked that close. Determined to find more music, I kept digging. I searched her real name on Google and found her Twitter again, her Tumblr, the Emma St. Clair Bandcamp, and then, the fourth result down, was this article from the Washington Post.
'Don't Let Me Die'
I dug into the article for awhile. I hadn't put the pieces together yet, but it didn't take long. You can read the article above if you'd like. If not, I'll summarize it here. Emma, 18 at the time, was kicked out of her house less than a year after releasing her self-titled album because she was in the thralls of addiction. She was sent to live with her boyfriend at the time, before returning home in early 2016 to seek help with recovery. Six months after, she was declared dead after an overdose on July 22nd, 2016. Earlier that day, she was posting about Pokemon Go on Twitter, and just as suddenly, she was gone.
There is a lot to be said about recovering from addiction, and I don't think I'm the person to say any of those things. I've battled with some smaller substances over the past few years, most predominantly alcoholism, but booze doesn't come with the same uncertainty that getting hooked on prescription medication or cocaine do. I can drink a handle of vodka, and I'll know that it's just vodka. You never truly know if your score is clean when you buy drugs.
I was reeling for a few days after finding all of this out. I've turned it over in my mind for almost 4 years at this point, not sure if I wanted to write about it. I hate the idea of trying to tack on an inspiring ending at the tail-end of this story, mostly because there is nothing inspirational about death. To Emma's friends and family, this is the worst thing that could've happened. She didn't want to be a martyr for a never-ending struggle against fentanyl, she just wanted to make music with her friends. She was sad, she was struggling, she was barely out of high-school. She didn't deserve any of this.
This tape has been devastating me for awhile now, but I wanted to share this story because I don't really know what treasuring the last tape really meant beyond telling people that Emma existed. She made amazing music and ran a DIY label with her friends. She pioneered sadcore in her small corner of the world in Orange County, CA, and lost her life too soon.
If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse, you can find the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website here or call the free, confidential hotline at 1-800-662-4357. You can also text your ZIP code to 435748 to find treatment centers near you.
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Hi! Sorry I meant to reply this morning and ran out of time. I have dressed up my dog before and sometimes he's wearing a shirt anyway but that's so cute and always look cute in their little costumes. Apparently my mom said there were quite a few kids out and she gave them candy..I was not home at the time. It's funny cuz she had a Wonka hat and costume on and kept singing Candyman. I told her I could use it to see the Wonka movie as a joke lol. Aw is everything okay? I hope you get enough rest! I'm also a klutz most of the time too so don't feel bad. I hope you had fun otherwise. 🩷
That's what I figured..even if I could not remember it in the movie lol. I would definitely go to Speak Now or Red but would've picked Rep if I didn't get to go. I actually almost went to 1989 but my mom bought me 1D tickets instead. I told her I would've preferred Taylor but looking back, I guess I'm glad I got to go since they broke up the next year. However I did not get to see Zayn on tour which I was bummed about. He was my favorite.
I've actually never seen any of those horror adaptations. I remember at one point I wanted to watch Carrie and American Psycho bootlegs but never did! I'll have to check them out if you recommend them. I remember seeing the clips from it though. I've seen Jekyll and Hyde and Bloody Andrew Jackson. I also love Rocky Horror and Little Shop, which are more campy. I know what you mean and agree completely. .2015 and 2016 were so good! I remember it well cuz that was the first year I watched. Even Fun Home which won was an adaptation but at least the staging was interesting and so were the songs. Something Rotten was also great. I remember watching Jeremy in Finding Neverland and liking that as well.
For Sweeney, I think they will do good in the roles but I am also used to original cast and also the movie. I knew he is 40 but he always seems younger, but I also associate him with Next to Normal, and thought he was good in Company too. So maybe that is part of it. Sutton was in Music Man and this is a lot different lol but I'm excited to see! Maybe I'll see part of a bootleg someday hopefully.
Sorry I will send a part 2 later and you can just reply to the next one if you want!!! 🩷
hi hi friend! 🤍
what kind of dog do you have? what's their name? i would love to hear more about your dog! (and if you want to send a photo 👀 ) and i'm okay! i just have ... a very large bruise on my knee (and my knee just doesn't feel super great); hoping it'll heal up before i go to boston but i don't think it will!
i actually sold my 1d tickets back in the day! i didn't really care for them/never really got into 1d, but a lot of my friends did — i think that was around the time i was really getting into musical theatre, and so i mostly only listened to taylor and showtunes haha.
i've never seen j&h or bloody bloody andrew jackson (i don't think i've listened to it either), nor have i seen rocky horror or little shop live!! something rotten! was such a fun show, i wish i'd gotten to see it live — if i remember correctly, it was supposed to do an out of town tryout here in seattle but then went straight to broadway instead! finding neverland was also a fun show! did you ever listen to/watch a boot of gentleman's guide to love and murder? it's one of my favorites from that season! fun fact: american psycho is apparently my most listened to album of this week, according to airbuds!
i loveeee company. it's my second favorite sondheim (only second to sunday in the park with george). i'm really excited that it's coming to seattle on tour next year; i'm going to try to see it! and i liked aaron in that too! will reply to part 2 of your ask momentarily 🤍 xxx
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