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disabledunitypunk · 5 days

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So, I know this blog has been a lot less active as of late, at least from my part (mod Stars).

I'm gonna be honest; I've been incredibly sick. A combination of some kind of issue with gluten/wheat (may be celiac, or nonceliac gluten intolerance, or wheat allergy) with IBD, MCAS, lactose intolerance and sensory issues, had caught me in such a cycle of degranulation, anaphylaxis, intestinal issues, brain fog, chronic fatigue, and POTS and chronic pain flareups, that I was nonfunctional.

On top of that, anxiety over my partners SSI application (recently medically approved by the administrative law judge, that's a win! still waiting on nonmedical approval but it should hopefully just be a rubber stamp process at this point - knock on wood) has really screwed with my levels of executive dysfunction.

And trauma around medical neglect and abuse, plus being so sick, plus executive dysfunction, had led me to temporarily avoid seeking treatment at all. When I say that the very idea of trying to trick yet another doctor's ego into believing they came up with the idea to test me for the conditions I'm already reasonably certain I have, all while making sure I don't seem too smart, too unintelligent, too articulate, too reliant on google, too self-aware, use too many medical terms, and so on... I've not had the ability to advocate for myself anymore.

Luckily, a friend of mine that's all hellfire agreed to help advocate for me at some of my appointments going forward, so I'm going to be finding a new primary care doc and going forward (possibly seeing my old one a few more times if necessary, just to get re-referrals and maybe get a referral to a non-Medicaid allergist that actually knows what MCAS is) with pursuing diagnoses and treatment again.

Until then, however, I'm pretty much limited to about three foods - plain white or wild rice, "zoup" (a zucchini broth with chunks of carrots, daikon, celery, and wild rice), and raisins. I can drink water and cranberry juice. Between my sensory issues and that tiny list, I've been consistently significantly hungry for a week. I'm struggling to sleep and can't get more than four hours of restless sleep in a night the past few nights. I'm menstruating for the first time in five years for G-d knows why. I feel better and less reactive, especially after an ER visit for some IM decadron, but I am constantly exhausted.

Why do I bring all this up?

This is my daily life. I have near zero quality of life because of the ableism of doctors and failures of the medical system. I'm barely keeping myself alive every day, really only with the help of a lot of caretaking from my partner. I haven't been able to get to my doctor to get approved for that friend willing to advocate for me to be paid for basic caretaking duties by Medicaid. I went out on Saturday for the first time in over a month, and I'll be recovering from that for the next week and a half.

There is not a single minute of my life that isn't profoundly affected by my disabilities. Stress causes a cascading reaction through my MCAS, POTS, ME/CFS. Understimulation causes intense stress and even pain. Listening to music while doing nothing, watching videos, and similar "low energy" activities drain so much energy that they trigger my chronic fatigue, and sometimes cause a lesser reverse cascading reaction.

I can't take an ADHD med to help with the symptoms more disabling than the ones threatening literal anaphylaxis and organ failure because I can't get them compounded without an official MCAS diagnosis, and I'd also need a beta blocker compounded as well (which are are often mast cell triggers) for my POTS because the only ADHD meds that work on me are amphetamines.

I can't take vitamin D or B12 despite being incredibly critically low for the same reasons. I've barely found some OTC benadryl and aleve that I halfway tolerate. I might have a UTI and if I do I'm gonna have to convince doctors 20 years behind the medical literature that IM antibiotics are considered safe and effective and are a safer alternative to oral meds for me, if still risking a minor reaction.

On good days, I can make it between the bed and couch a couple times a day, and between the couch and the toilet. On bad days, I have a chamber pot setup in the bedroom because I can't afford diapers. I'm sure my vitamin D deficiency is not helped by never leaving an apartment that barely gets some sunlight two hours a day because it's in the shadow of the other side of the building.

I used to, on bad days, spend most of the day doing mindless tasks or on slightly less bad days, puzzle games, on my phone. Now, I'm lucky if I can do even that much most days. I AM too sick to play video games. 🥲 I can nap, I can sit with my eyes open, I can listen to music until it's too exhausting anymore.

I'm tired, and every day surviving is just a monumental effort. Again, the ableism of doctors and... actually, they're not failures if they're intentional; the abusive medical system, have not left a single minute of my life untouched.

Multiple times, when talking about online discourse, I've been accused of "wanting to be more disabled than I am", "being physically abled", being "crazy", "delusional", "on something", etc, etc, etc. All for daring to say that ideas like body-mind duality, exclusionism within disabled communities, and similar, are deeply harmful and affect far more than insular online discourse.

Doctors love to shove off chronically ill people into "psych cases". Have anxiety, autism, PTSD, schizophrenia, DID, depression, etc, etc on your chart? Yeah, you're never getting that physical diagnosis. This is what perpetuating and encouraging ideas like "all disabilities are physical OR mental", "people with abc type of disability have privilege over people with xyz type of disability", and so on, DOES.

Sanism is used to perpetuate ableism. Ableism is used to perpetuate sanism. Quite frankly, I'm not sure that neurotypical physically disabled people, non-mad neurodivergent physically disabled people, and physically abled neurodivergent/mad (all as self-identified categories) get just how deeply compounded ableism is when you exist at the intersection of physically disabled and neurodivergent (especially if mentally ill or mad). Or perhaps, the disconnect exists along a line of "profoundly disabled" vs "can access abled hegemony to a significant extent". Perhaps it's both. There is likely elements of how visible a disability is, how much its able to be masked, the type/level/spread of support needs, and so on. There's definitely elements of other marginalization; race, ethnicity, fatness, queerness, and so on.

And then there's the subcategories. Cognitively disabled. Traumatized. Chronically ill. Visually impaired/blind. Deaf/hard of hearing. Intellectual disability. Mobility disabilities. Fluctuating vs static disabilities, support needs, masking, and so on.

Sometimes I wonder, would the people who think I'm just an abled faker who doesn't belong for not being able to seperate my neurodivergence from my physical disabilities, my neurological organs from my body, my inabilities from my inabilities, would they find I'm the same as them when they spend a day in my life? Would they find it worse? Would they find it unbearable in a completely different way from their own struggles? Would they maybe even find that while it's not quite as hard as their own struggles in some cases, that it's still wildly hard and the two are far closer to each other on the scale than they think? Would they understand that we are both in the midst of an active, eugenicist genocide, and that we're 50-49 bullet holes staring down the barrel of a loaded gun that is held by our oppressors?

Even now, I'm thinking about how this post might be inaccessible. Is it readable for screen readers? Will the length be too much for way too many people? Is it understandable for people with intelligence and cognitive disabilities? How do I fix those things if it's not. What am I missing? What am I missing? What am I missing?

I'm exhausted, I'm scared, and I'm barely holding on. I'm safe, mental health wise, to be clear, I'm just convinced that the only reason that I'm not in significant danger from my physical chronic illnesses right now is because I've always had a body that was stubborn as all hell and twice as resilient. I'm not dying, not because the illnesses aren't trying, but because my body will endure far beyond normal limits.

I've experienced slow acting anaphylactic reactions without anaphylactic shock about once a month for 1-2 years now, usually only going in after several days and nights of severe symptoms. Like I've mentioned, several of my vitamin levels are so low as to make organ failure a constant threat. None of my illnesses are "terminal" per se, but that doesn't mean they can't be deadly. And more to the point, it doesn't mean they can't destroy me, that they haven't utterly destroyed my quality of life, without killing me.

I mean, I started this blog as an attempt at fostering solidarity. We CANNOT be quibbling over who really "belongs" in various disability spaces, who gets to reclaim what words or whatever, when so many of us are dealing with this shit.

For the area with the lowest cost of living in the country, SSI should be 5 times what it is now. For the highest, up to 20 times. People on disability benefits lose some or all of their payments, insurance, and so on, if they get married, even to another person on benefits. I've never met a disabled person without more doctor horror stories than diagnoses, and we all know diagnoses like to come in clusters. We are being abused, neglected, and killed.

I cannot stress how much, not that this intracommunity discourse "doesn't matter", but that it does at a deeply harmful level. It's just perpetuation of the abuse we face at a lateral level. We're mimicking the government and doctors and general abled society and getting into petty but deeply dangerous inane arguments that are just us carrying out the only way we've been taught to treat disabled people.

Being a disabled activist and advocate means questioning everything you know about ableism. It means prioritizing first and foremost disabled people. And honestly, speaking as someone whose platform here is dedicated to that, that's really fucking hard. It means believing people about their experiences with disability and oppression in a world that teaches us that the vast majority of disabled people are lying privileged fakers.

It means not believing that people know more about what people with a disability they DON'T have face because of their own disabilities. A little confusing, but essentially someone with disability A without disability B who faces oppression X, can't say that someone with disability B DOESN'T face oppression X, just because they face it. It means not calling the very real harm someone has experienced "misdirected", or making their suffering about you or your subcommunity, just because you've experienced the same or similar harm.

It means unlearning reactivity as a group of extremely traumatized people. It means learning to meet people where they're at, and assume "can't" rather than "won't". It means accepting that sometimes not only will someone's disabilities cause conflicting access needs with your own, but that sometimes people's disabilities can actively cause them to do harm, and that they still deserve rights, community, and support if they do. It also means recognizing that the harm that a disability may cause someone to do is going to look VASTLY different than abled expectations of "harmful" disabilities. It means, even and especially when this happens, recentering the perspective not around how the disability affects other people, but around how it affects the person with the disability.

It's all of this and so much more. It's a lot of effort from people with not a lot to give. It's fighting an upstairs battle with no ramp, so to speak.

And I guess I just... I'm at a loss on how to keep that up. Is just focusing on getting myself well enough to participate again, putting my own mask on first, enough? When there is not a single moment of my life untouched by the extremely deep and extremely systemic harm of ableism, is it enough to try and access the care continually gatekept from me at an individual level? Can I even do so, against such intensive pressure?

How do I live this life, and also go on untangles the narratives of "disabling neurodivergence isn't really a real disability and neurodivergent people face almost no real ableism" and "physical conditions are obvious and so get all the care and face no real ableism". How do I fight the concurrent violences of hypervisibility and erasure within the community that only serve to strengthen abled people bludgeoning us with them?

How do I focus on things like organizing, community building, activism, advocacy, dismantling the system, dismantling our reliance on it, and so much more, when I can't even get out of bed?

All I can do is write about it, right now. Sometimes I feel like that's all I've ever been able to do. Everyone I've ever known has acted like some day my "pen" will be a tool of liberation, but I'm at a loss for how. I'm just some horribly sick mad cripple on a dying microblogging platform on the internet. I don't know - not if I'm enough, but if anything ever can be.

And I don't mean to sound hopeless. I know that change can happen. I know that it is, in tiny and sometimes larger ways, every day.

This is kind of a self-centered post, in the most neutral way. This is just my perspective. This is about me, and how I'm so very disabled, and how people assume I'm not (and how wild that is, considering), and how ableism affects me so deeply, and how I don't know how to face it or fight it...

I can only hope that maybe my word resonating with people means something. That maybe, as much as we never want each other to experience what we have to, that it's also a comfort to know we don't experience it alone. That maybe this will serve as a reminder that it's okay to be scared, to feel lost, even hopeless, to struggle; to not know how to fight or where to turn. That maybe this will reach someone who CAN do something, and maybe it'll reach the people who need to NOT do anything other than take care of themselves, and that maybe it will help both of them.

Maybe that's too grandiose, I don't know. I hardly know what my point is here, other than: this is me, crippled and crazy as all hell. This is the violence I face. This is why I started this blog, because we need to stop hearing "you're a lying abled privileged faker trying to take advantage of and take resources from real disabled people who really need it" from abled people, and saying it word for word to each other. Because what abled people mean by "real disabled people" is just a theoretical disabled person. A perfect victim. They don't mean any real disabled person, especially not those who can advocate for themselves. They mean they think every single one of us doesn't need or deserve accommodations, treatment, respect, humanity, or even life.

That's the point, really. We're all we've got. We've gotta fight for each other, not fight each other. And G-d, I know how hypocritical that sounds coming from my ragey, rabid ass. I just... that's all I know to focus on right now. Not necessarily all coming together and holding hands and singing a song about unity, but just... not being ableist to each other. Tolerating each other even if we can't stand each other. Presenting a united, unbroken front to ableist society, and pushing until they don't have any power over us anymore. Doing the work of activism, which is often neither easy nor feel-good.

That's what I'm trying to do here, at least. I try to get a little better at it every day. I try to listen a little more. I try to keep up hope when my body and mind are crashing down around me.

I don't have a mic-drop conclusion to add to this, so just: I'm opening the floor. Anyone who has anything to add, feel free to do so. What you have to say is valuable.

#ableism #sanism #unitypunk #cripplepunk #madpunk #neuropunk

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onepawproductions · 5 months

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please dont put ai art in main fandom tags thank you.

Hi, I'm not sure which post or fandom you're referencing? Also not sure what you mean. I don't put random art generated by an Ai on here. I use Ai tools as part of my process to help bring what's in my head to the screen. I have a disability that severely limits the use of my hands, and Ai tools have given me back my ability to create art again. It's been such a blessing to my life, honestly. It was so depressing to spend my entire childhood learning to draw and paint and sculpt, then go to school for it, only to have EDS/MCAS/Epilepsy/detached retinas (amoung other stuff. It sucks, I know) smack me on the nose with a rolled up newspaper in my mid-twenties.

I know there's a lot of misconception about Ai Art right now. What is is, what it isn't. Like those one-shot gens pushed out by people using highly modified ai generators, putting out massive amounts of art that looks super pro but without soul. That's not what I'm doing, but I can totally understand the mixup! What I do doesn't come from a website where a descriptive sentence will give you jaw- dropping art. It's more similar to digital artists using Adobe Photoshop, and is a very involved process requiring days and sometimes weeks of work, several hours a day.

I tried for awhile tho include more about the process, so people can see how hard it is, but this doesn't seem to be the right forum for that. I think Tumblr is maybe more of a "show me the finished stuff" thing? I could be wrong, tho, for sure.

Or, am I miss-tagging? I know a lot of my art is not just fanart, but fanfic fanart. Is that it? I do wanna get my tags right... Hmm

Let me know! Since you posted anonymously, I'm not sure if you'll get a notification of my reply. Go ahead and PM me, if you like. I think I have the PMs open. :)

Meanwhile I'll tag this to the fandoms I'm tryna make inroads with. Maybe someone there will know!

Oh, right. Here are some examples:

A Harry Potter chapter heading for the fanfiction audiobook Im recording, shown here mid-process. I can see it in my danged ole head, but its over a week in and still struggling. I had to even uninstall/reinstall my entire system when it went belly up due to a bad extension, yargh. The scene is chapter 17 of The Muddy Princess, by Colubrina.

These are a culmination of about a month of work trying to hone in on Taylor Heberts face. I picture her as an amalgamation of about three different awesome women I've known in my life...plus Claudia Black! I think they're pretty good, but not 100%. I'm still trying to find the right place to post my art and discuss with people, but tumblr seems to be not the place for that sort of thing.

But anyway. Yeah. Where should I sort these so the people who wanna see em can see? Am I getting it right?

#fanfic #dramione #draco x hermione #taylor hebert #worm #worm fanart #parahumans

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masonsystem · 5 months

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what are ur biggest gripes with the way the current fandom characterizes the mekatrio? besides like. oversimplifying seto and stuff. asking bc ur the no. 1 expert imo & i want to hear ur thoughts

tq for this ask and giving me a reason to blabber abt the mekatrio 😏 but also aw you dont want me to talk about seto mischaracterization for the nth time? :( im joking lol, and also im not quite sure what ur quantifying by 'current fandom' so im just gonna go over whatever recent portrayals ive seen from both english and non-english speaking fans 👍 with seto stuff excluded ofc bc i have a whole tag for tht.

my general gripes with overall mekatrio portrayal:

- perpetuating the incorrect notion that the mekatrio were adopted by the tateyamas. they werent, this was a mistranslation by the official translators. the terms used throughout kgpr to describe their relationship to the tateyamas has always been 'fostered'. and ofc, ive only seen this happen in english-speaking spaces (bc i primarily engage with the english-speaking fanbase, and we often work from the translations and not the direct text).

another issue i take with this is that ive seen some english-speaking fans express their dismay at the fact that the mekatrio were only ever fostered, as though adoption wouldve been 'better'. this is something i find very troubling, bc the vibe i get is that theyre implying adoption is like, more intimate, more 'valuable', in a sense, than merely being fostered. and it feels very rooted in their own cultural understanding of fostering/adopting kids, whatever their culture may be.

to me, this feels like a very insensitive view to have, bc the matter of fostering and adopting children is way more complex than "adoption > fostering". adopting a child is more than just making them a part of your family, its about legally and materially severing the bonds between a child and their birth parents. its bc of this nuance that adoption is uncommon in several countries, like japan, and is also why adoption is forbidden in islam. this is also why adoption has been used as a tool of genocide. im not trying to say that 'adoption is evil and bad and its good that the mekatrio werent adopted' etc etc etc, but i wish fans would consider the different cultural aspects of this matter b4 speaking about it.

- having the mekatrio use their first names with each other. eruhefjksjfhjks... its not like completely wrong to do or anything, but i just find it so weird, bc they literally only ever do this with one another in the anime. in the manga and novels, they hv never referred to one another by their first names at any point in time. never!!! when they first meet each other, after being fostered together, after ayaka dies, after ayano dies, and during the present day plot, they have always consistently referred to one another by their last names. the mekatrio using their first names with one another has always been an Anime-Exclusive Thing. so i find it weird that fans hv adopted this tidbit into their overall kgpr interpretation, when its something that's only exclusive to the anime. it would be like if someone adopted mca azami's massive fucking house into their interpretation, or kido still wearing the clothes she died in at the tateyama residence, which are two other weird things that are anime-exclusive.

also this is just my personal headcanon/interpretation, but i would imagine that the mekatrio using their last names with one another would hv a deeper underlying meaning, considering that the three of them are orphans, and have lost the people they had shared these family names with.

- shipping the mekatrio with one another. this is a no-brainer, i dont really think i need to explain this one. its way less common in english-speaking spaces than it used to be, but unfortunately its still just as popular in japanese spaces, knkd being the most prominent one 😑

- denying that theres knkd in canon texts. andd this is smth ive only seen in english-speaking spaces. ive seen some fans make it seem as though there isnt any romantic knkd implications in canon, and that the shippers are just weird and delusional, but as much as id also like for that to be the case, it unfortunately isnt true 😮‍💨 chp 38 of the manga very strongly implies that kano has a crush on kido, and kano's pov in novel 8 practically confirms this. and im too lazy to find proof of this, but i remember there used to be some fans (back in like 2016 - 2019) who believed that the knkd in the manga was just satou mahiro's doing, but no, the manga manuscripts were written by jin, meaning that entire stupid convo between kano and mary in chp 38 was completely jin's doing. this means that, yes, kano does (unfortunately) canonly hv a crush on kido.

now, just bc this is canon, doesnt mean i expect ppl to respect or adhere to it. i sure as hell dont, and i never will, the same way i wont ever respect hibiya's extremely dehumanizing obsession with hiyori, or the very questionable manner that shintaro's fetishes are handled. but its irksome to see people spread the idea that it doesnt even exist, and that the shippers are deluding themselves instead, bc that essentially absolves jin of his very real and very shitty writing. like the truth of the matter is that it very much exists, which fucking sucks, but we can disregard it the same way we disregard the other shitty aspects of kgpr. but we shouldnt act like it doesnt exist at all bc 1.) gotta hold jin accountable for his shit, and 2.) it does a disservice to newer fans who may then think this rancid shit doesnt exist in kgpr, when in reality it does. with that said, the shippers are still fucking weird for shipping it. just cuz theres canon romantic knkd implications, doesnt suddenly make all the familial context surrounding them disappear. both the shippers And jin deserve shit for supporting this nasty shit 😑

my gripes with kido specifically

- portraying her as blushy blushy shy tsun tsun AHHHHH WHATEVER BULLSHIT. i see this happen very often w non-english speaking fans. i hate when people draw her all flustered and blushing in a humiliating context. i hate it when she's drawn in a skirt or any feminine clothing. i hate all of that shit... it feels very voyeuristic and misogynistic to treat a female character who uses a masculine pronoun and presents herself androgynously in such a manner. its disgusting. and i hope that all the writers and artists who do this di-*a truck drives past*

- overlooking kido's autistic-coding in favor of projection. now this is a gripe i have specifically with the english-speaking fanbase. this fandom has a tendency to project traits onto characters, traits which are only very loosely based in canon, if not at all. im not gonna beat around the bush; im mainly talking about how fans project their sexuality/gender/neurodivergency/other identity marker headcanons onto characters. this is not unique to the kgpr fandom, nor is it a recent occurrence. people have been doing this type of thing all the way back in like 2013 - 2014, and i used to do this too, but grew out of it as i got older.

im not saying this is a bad thing to do. i understand the merits and joy that comes from it, and that it's something thats essentially harmless. but what i do take issue with is that fans will project all sorts of traits onto characters with little to no basis in canon, but will then overlook characters who are actually coded a certain way. what im talking abt specifically is kido's autistic-coding. she doesnt just have one or two autistic traits which a person could then headcanon her as autistic. no, in canon, she is very much and very downright autistic-coded. since she was a child, she canonly had difficulties communicating, to the point where she needed to see a doctor;

she uses music as a way to disconnect from her senses;

her difficulties with communicating comes out in the form of aggression towards others;

and she's 'eccentric': wearing multiple layers in the blazing summer, speaking bluntly and honestly at all times, using non-standard pronouns for herself, and the list goes on and on... and like Never Lost Word is literally a whole song about her struggles with communication. all of these behaviors are reminiscent of a person with autism, which itself is a communication disorder. if she isnt autistic-coded, then i dont know what is.

but yeah, it annoys me when people project traits onto characters with little to no basis in canon, but then overlook characters who are actually canonly coded with a certain trait, like kido. like it feels ridiculous to me when a fan like, looks for characters they can project neurodivergency onto, but then ignore the actual neurodivergent-coded characters. if youre going to talk at all about these characters' identities, then can you please not overlook kido's very autistic-coded identity... thank you...

my gripes with kano specifically

- saying that kano has it the worst out of the mekatrio. hahahaha...... my main problem with this idea of 'kano has it worst' is that its often coming from people who are either ignoring, disregarding, or dont fully know about kido's and seto's backstories. and i get why this is the case, kido's and seto's backstories are almost entirely novel-exclusive, and most ppl dont read the novels. not to mention that their songs, Mekakushi Code, Never Lost Word, and Shounen Brave, are way more optimistic than the mental breakdown that is Yobanashi Deceive. but in spite of how things may seem on the surface, all three of them have had it pretty bad in the past, and still have it pretty bad in the present day plot. just a brief summary of their traumatic backstories (taken from the novels, but it applies to most routes):

kano: had a physically abusive mom growing up, and was murdered alongside with her. was passed from home to home, and had the police called on him bc of his powers. was discarded into a facility. his new mom passes away. his sister tells him that their father is possessed and plans to kill their entire family, and asks him to go to school in her place. she later kills herself in front of him, and he is made to masquerade as her corpse. he is then blackmailed into secretly working for his possessed father for the next two years.

kido: her birth mother passes away. she gets whisked into living with her father and stepsister whom she had never met before. she lives with them for at least 7 months, and in this time she is never let out of the residence, and is stuck with servants who berate her and look down on her. her father then drugs her and her stepsister, locks them inside of the basement, murders all of the servants, prepares the house to be destroyed, and then comes downstairs to kill her stepsister. kido has to kill him in self-defense. the house then burns down, killing her and her stepsister. for the rest of her life, she uses concealing eyes on herself without realizing it, in order to repress the traumatic memories of her father. she gets discarded into a facility. much later in life, she lose a mother and sister once again.

seto: grew up in a facility where he was ostracized and bullied by children who were cruel enough to kill a dog. died alongside said dog. spent over a year in this facility all alone, listening to the thoughts of these cruel children who hated him. later in life, he learns that him and his family would be murdered in the future, and never shares this burden with anyone. his mom passes away. he learns his father is possessed and plans to murder the entire family, but again, never confides this to anyone. his sister kills herself.

so like... can you really say that kano has it the worst? if you still think so after knowing all this, then thats fine. but please evaluate kido's and seto's backstories properly if youre going to say so... 🙏

- misunderstanding kano's powers. specifically, saying that:

1.) his powers are cancelled out by pain, and

2.) he mastered his powers earlier than kido and seto.

im planning to write a more detailed post about kano's powers some other day, so ill keep it very brief here. but regarding point 1, in the present day plot at least, its very explicitly stated in 'Today, On The Street' from novel 5 that no, pain no longer cancels out kano's powers:

as for point 2... this is difficult to disprove without going on an insanely long tangent, so.... i wont do that. and will instead just leave these panels from chp 27 here:

^official translation on the left and fan translation on the right. im putting two translation to show that yes, kano is really saying that, in his youth, his powers have a tendency to act out of his control. just like kido's and seto's.

yeah, im aware im not really disproving those two points that much here... but its like i said, to do that, id need to explain loads of things, things which i plan to explain in a seperate and more detailed post about kano's powers. his powers are a lot more complex than it initially seems. once i finish that post, ill update this answer and link it here.

- depicting kano as a sociable and outgoing guy. he is not!! he's very shy!

^fan translation by fuyuyuu. pic is takane, kano, and seto speaking in that order

he is merely playing as a character who is sociable and outgoing. but he is lying! he is very shy! he is yobanashi deceiving you!

- i dont like kanoshin lol. dont get me wrong, i completely get why ppl would ship them. like i always burst out laughing whenever i reread novel 7, cuz i always end up seeing how gay these fuckers are acting:

^like seriously, in what world is this not meant to be taken in a romantically homosexual context 😭 no cuz help me i feel like throwing up from laughter WHAT IS THISFJSDLK

with that said, i still dont like kanoshin bc 1.) i simply dont think theyre a good pair, and 2.) i think the resentment in their dynamic was poorly resolved. i have many issues with the way shintaro as a protagonist is handled throughout kgpr (especially in the novels), as he is often overshadowing other characters Because He Is The Protagonist. and my dislike of kanoshin's dynamic has to do with that. also another thing i dislike abt the fandom's portrayal of kanoshin, is that i dont like it when ppl make it seem more toxic than it actually is. like i wish they had a spicy feud with one another, but no, novel 7 has made it so they forgive each other like... immediately. which im not a fan of, but oh well. but ultimately im not too bothered by what kanoshin fans are doing, bc ive had kanoshin blacklisted for the past 4 years and it will continue to remain that way 👍

and yeah! thats my list of gripes with the kgpr fanbase's characterization of the mekatrio! (excluding seto). its very short and not at all immensely detailed because i am soooo normal about these characters (lying). theres probably a few things i missed like little 'they would not fucking say that' type of things, but i think these are my main gripes. yippee!

^visual allegory of how the fandom cares more abt kano than seto & kido

#kgprambling #mekatrio

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mistydeyes · 9 months

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if you’re not still taking pairing requests ignore this 👀

i’m 5’8, shoulder length black wavy hair, hazel eyes, abnormally pale (i do not go outside, thanks skin cancer genetics), and i have a fair amount of tattoos, most are visible if im wearing a short sleeved shirt. i’m a barista/cake decorator and have 4 cats. i speak english and some german, not good at math, and love anything science related. i fit in the alternative subcultures, just not any one in specific though i lean towards grunge and goth mostly. been obsessed with sleep token, depeche mode, the cure, and bad omens lately. i’m a very “sensitive and naive” person according to those in my life and i try to see the best in everyone. i also have a few chronic illnesses (POTS, hEDS, MCAS, and endometriosis) but im trying my best <3

Simon "Ghost" Riley (a/n I LOVE DEPECHE MODE thank you for this anon)

How you met: Civilian You hummed as you finished up another cake. This was your artistic outlet. It was a slow Sunday, not many events going on, so you were finishing up on some orders for tomorrow. The bell to the shop rang and you wiped your hands of icing to greet your customer. The man looked crammed in the small shop as his dark hair almost touched the ceiling. You thought he looked handsome despite the face mask that matched his dark hoodie and attire. "Here to pick up for John Price," he said gruffly and you went to the back fridge to retrieve his order. You were surprised as you pulled out the cake decorated with gold and silver icing. You remembered making it this morning, buttercream and red velvet if you remembered correctly. "Happy 40th" it read in delicate lettering as you boxed it up. You exited to find the man looking at his phone and holding cash. "Here you go," you said as you rung him up. "You look a little too young to be celebrating someone's 40th," you commented as you counted out the cash. "It's for my boss," he replied curtly, "got sent to pick it up before tonight." As you handed him his change, you smiled. "Well let him know I wish him a happy birthday," you said and sent him on his way.

Later that day, Simon knew he would be returning to your shop as that was some the best confections he's had in awhile. Something about the delicate buttercream paired with the rich red velvet made him want more. Plus it didn't hurt that you were the cute little baker who caught his eye with your face coated in icing and arms filled with delicate pieces of artwork.

A peek into your relationship: "What are we listening to?" you boyfriend, Simon, asked as you decorated some cupcakes. "Depeche Mode," you smiled and placed a little icing on his scrunched up nose. You laughed as you finished up another row of the small baked goods. "It sounds like an opening to a crime show drama," he replied as another song began. You rolled your eyes as he critiqued your music taste. "You just don't know good music," you joked as you added some finishing touches. These weren't for anything special but you knew Simon enjoyed some sweet treats before he left for deployment. You always made sure to give him a nice array of icing and cake flavors. You still couldn't believe he hadn't found a favorite yet. "If you can even call that music," he said under his breath before you presented him with a carrot cake and cream cheese delicacy. Maybe it was the cupcake but Simon found himself in better spirits. "I like this song," he commented as you began to clean up. You couldn't believe your ears. "What did you say?" you teased as you brushed off your apron. "You heard me, love," he said as he scarfed down another one. "Funny," you began to say as he looked at your curiously, "that one is called 'Ghosts again'."

#izziespairings #madebyizzie #cod mwii #mw2 imagine #task force 141 #simon ghost riley #ghost x reader #mw2

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whump-4-ever · 4 months

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I have written this post partially to vent but also to try and show others out there that have chronic illness, no matter what illnesses they may be, that they’re not alone.

This post is from me personally. It’s not in the perspective of any of my characters, and it’s not fiction or a prompt.

Often times I have to explain to people why I’ve never had a job or finished high school or learned how to drive. Sometimes when I tell them how I don’t work or go to school and that I spend most of my time sleeping, they will respond with ‘oh, you’re so lucky you get to sleep all the time! I wish I could sleep all day every day and not do anything’, or something along those lines and it’s infuriating to hear that. People think that I’m choosing to sleep, that I want to do nothing all day every single day. Let me make this very clear: I don’t get to sleep all the time. I have to sleep all the time. If I don’t, I can’t function. I can hardly function at all as it is. Chronic illness of ANY KIND is not a choice, and there’s nothing ‘lucky’ about it. I want nothing more than to just have my life back. I’ve been mostly bed-ridden since I was just 16 years old. I haven’t graduated high school, I haven’t gotten a driver’s license, I haven’t had my first kiss (haven’t even liked a guy who has liked me back), I don’t even know how to cook or use a fucking bank account or write a check. I’m so fatigued and physically weak that I can barely walk up and down the stairs in my house. Just the simple task of being awake drains my internal battery to the point where I’m so drowsy that I struggle to talk and think. Often times I stumble over my words because I’m so exhausted that they just get twisted up. Im also frequently forgetting shit, even if it happened two minutes beforehand. My point is that nobody who truly suffers from CFS/ME (chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic encephalomyelitis) MCAS (mast cell activation syndrome), POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), and CCI (cranio-cervical instability/cranial cervical instability) would ever choose to live like this. And it’s sure as hell not as easy as just ‘pushing through it’ or ‘maybe if you just try hard enough’, or ‘if you had enough willpower to do it, you could do it’. That isn’t how it works. That’s like telling someone who’s paralyzed that they can walk if they ‘just try hard enough’. An ex internet friend of mine told me a few weeks ago that ‘being tired is no excuse’. It’s not an ‘excuse’, and it’s much more than ‘being tired’. This fatigue is fucking debilitating and when people like him say shit like that, it really belittles the condition and undermines what sufferers have to go through every damn day. The same guy also said to me directly that: ‘there are so many people who are so much worse than you and do a lot more than you do’, and that’s when he told me if I he’d enough willpower, I could do things like getting a job or getting a driver’s license. That ‘willpower’ that he speaks of? If I didn’t have it, I would never even get out of my bed, so don’t fucking imply that I’m just not willing to get better and that’s why I’m still sick

#chronic illness #chronically ill #cfs/me #pots syndrome #mast cell activation syndrome #cranial cervical instability #cci

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wingedbeings · 3 years

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hi besties im double vaxxed now what atrocities shall i commit B]

#hi girls im in tha waiting room now it is. so humid in here i am damp under my mask #also i jus showered </3 now my hair is going to become some fucked up creature like .. she is curly dont put me in humidity when it is still #drying </3 fucked up but also hi besties i have the evil juice within me once more #moderna does sound a lil like an evil wizards wife tbh #anyway. 14 days then im kissing all my mutuals with tongue #need to go to tha grocery store in a bit which is balls bc im for sure going to react to this dose bc my mcas has been going hypermode +#i already reacted to my first dose </3 #its cool tho covid would get my ass so hopefully now i wont die if i get it <3 #what ever im hot now who wants to make out once this shot is fully effective #kio.txt #injection mention tw #fucked up that i have to save up in order to buy things bc i need new tall ass platforms so bad #like i have. other expenses coming up so i cant buy those </3 but my height is the bane of my existence #really messed up tbh #edit: hi girls these chills r beating mr to death rn #its only 2 hrs later girl help #ther is. already more symptam also #passing away tbh if this lasts more than 3 days or so

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icyheart-and-friends · 3 years

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. (vent in tags) (TWs: cancer mentions/talk/concerns, blood talk/doctor concerns, injection talks [for medicine], brief period talk, general health fucking up)

#vent #i really hope this is just a cold or something #and not my health tanking again!#though judging how my heart has been doing the last couple of days its probably my health tanking again #my gyno doctor is having me get blood tests to make sure i dont have any blood diseases or hints of cancer #because cancer runs heavy on my mother's side of the family and every birth control theyve tried for me #to try to control my period (and also migraines) has either not worked at all. made things worse. or works but only for like 50% the amount #of time its meant too and so they're super suspicious espc since my experience sounds a lot like my mother's #before she got diagnosed with cervical cancer #and since my mom is having blood issues they also want to test me for that but im still waiting for the appointment for a hemotologist to #get made. theyre trying to get me in with different kind of doctor that only tests for cancers and not blood stuff so we gotta fight that #and i cant take my new migraine medicine because they didnt give me the amount i need for the loading dose and i gotta wait till the 30th to #get the 2nd injection bc the loading dose needs two and not just one. im so fucking tired. im so tired of being sick.#so much is going on but its taking so long and im not getting any answers and there's so many what ifs and concerns from the doctors that #im scared. im straight up scared. I hate to admit it because i gotta be strong for myself but im fucking scared.#every afab on my mother's side of the family has either had or developed cancer and im next if that pattern continues #that an on top of things that we still dont know whats wrong with me is terrifying! we never found out what the fuck that stomach thing that #happened a while ago was! its reoccuered multiple times but turns up as nothing! signs of MCAS are appearing but they wont do any kinds of #tests bc when it comes time too the signs disappear! never found out the actual reason of my legs going out a while ago other than stress #and EDS on top of my buldging spinal disc #who knows what else there is! and im fucking SCARED! IM TERRIFIED! I knwo it'll probably just all turn out to be nothing but as of right now #im scared.#dont reblog

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sukifoof-art · 3 years

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do you have any ideas on saeru and haruka being friends... because i would love to write a fic and my only problem is that i'm not an ideas man :'))) i can imagine they could meet when mary drags saeru into the daze?

AAAA thank u for this ask its very good and im sorry for answering it so late but!! firstly i think if everyone survived including saeru and kenjirou, kenjirou and haruka Who Is His New Son can take saeru out to Buy Clothes Like A Human. yes this is an excuse to draw him in my clothes again

manga/anime spoilery stuff under the cut

i think it would be really interesting that if after he gets dragged into the daze he met haruka there,,, although im not quite sure how that would work out cuz i think its implied he and takane meet again in?? the afterlife??? i think???? but maybe in another timeline or something like that haruka is still alive in the daze like how he was at the end of mca it would be really cool if he and saeru got to talk. like maybe saeru thought he was close to disappearing and haruka kinda. sees him break down and screaming about how he doesnt want to die and it would remind haruka of himself,, i would love for them to be friends and i think if anyone would be willing to be friends with him it would be haruka cuz haruka is Very Good and also understands that terrible fear of death,,,, maybe he could be trying to help saeru accept it because haruka seemed to be forced to come to terms with his own death and then theres that scene in the manga where he tries to console takane when he thinks shes talking about her inevitable death,,, thats actually what this post was about cuz its something i think about a lot,,,, i feel like it would be friendship based less on They Get Along So Theyre Friends but Haruka Takes Pity On Saeru Who Is Clearly Very Lonely And Distressed All The Time. maybe haruka can make him go to therapy cuz he definitely shouldnt have to deal with. Saerus Issues. i just feel like saeru could really use having someone as kind and understanding as haruka and haruka could use someone who understands his feelings on death as well,,,

ALSO i just remembered u wanted fic ideas and im not great at that but obviously i Really love the concept of them just talking so i hope that my incoherent rambling helped at least a little bit <3<3<3

#asks #kagepro #saeru #kuroha #haruka kokonose #i feel very strongly about them both and i am Always open to talking about them #this is kind of a separate idea but Yes i do think haruka would have problems with what saeru did while Using His Body #maybe one day ill talk more about it

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chronicallyblogged · 3 years

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Moving and friend stuff.

I've basically told my friend I'm no longer living with her anymore. She stayed the night so we could view apartments and it was a nightmare. She essentially expected me to do all the work. When I couldn't predict her needs and when I didn't detail it to her exact expectations she got mad. I didn't pick out the right shoes for her to where bc I didn't think it through well enough bc I was busy having an anxiety attack so they wound up hurting her. Which caused her to have a meltdown in front of the landlord. Then tell me off for taking so long to walk there (bc im disabled) and being mad I didn't make expectations clear enough. I told her how long it would take, gave her the address days prior, and showed her the map, also told her no bus was available. But I couldn't magically predict how to word it well enough for her and know what social expectations she didn't know.

Then when we got back she took up my entire couch, ice pack, and heat pack. Asked that I take care of her food and water. All the while I am injured from stepping on glass, in severe pain from disability, nauseas from anxiety, and my chronic heat rash was inflamed. Which I told her. When she finally left I collapsed into a severe panic attack that activated my mcas.

I am not interested in being a caretaker. Not for free and not in my freetime. I told her how it felt like she made me deal with her feelings and issues at the cost of my own. She claims she didn't know I was suffering When I pointed out that she knows about my disabilities/chronic illness (we've known eachother for 13 yrs) she said I still should tell her I pointed out I did. She then said she needs to figure out how if she is having issues with being self centered or If her brand of autism needs blunt approach.

My issue with that is I was blunt. I am a blunt person. I said "I'm in pain. I dont want to move." She tried to deny asking me to do stuff for her excessively until I quoted her which then she said it's bc she viewed me as a host and that just means she needs to rewire how she views it. But I take issue with treating hosts like caretakers. And I've asked her to look into it before. In either case I'm not willing to be hurt while she learns how to interact with people in a nonharmful manner.

Also she's just really classist and I don't know how to bring it up to her bc she doesn't take it well. But my countertop dishwasher is fancy to me. To her it's an eyesore and she wants a regular dishwasher. She and argued bc at one point she wanted a place bad for my disabilities for it. Then at another time I pointed out that I'm moving for her. Not bc I wanted to. She was like "well you'll get an upgrade if you move with me to *place we checked out* while making a face and waving her hand at my home. Like yeah my paint and tiles are cracked. The carpet is cheap. I have a bug infestation (which she loudly pointed out) and sometimes a mouse. My sink has a hole in it. My bathroom door doesn't really shut. Cabinets are warped and every other month something breaks. But it is still the nicest place I have ever lived and I got it all on my own. For people in my family doing this without marrying yourself off to somebody is a really big achievement. So I'm proud of it and a comment like that pisses me off. If anything it just made me want to stay here even more.

She is still thinking I may change my mind but I'm not sure I will. It's a possibility I guess but I think I'd rather just sort out my stuff here. My landlord really wanted me to stay so I feel pretty secure in it. I did find her a studio that is in an area she would like and fits her budget so I'm not just totally fucking her over. It's not as aesthetically pleasing as she prefers but tbh living poor would do her some good. Her dad is still paying bills so she's fine.

#log

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minici · 6 years

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Things my mom doesn’t understand about chronic illness and budgeting

“For one, you could start taking B12 supplements like a normal person instead of those $80 injections”

A) I had to get B12 injections for years because I had functional pernicious anemia. Yes, the insurance did not recognize that as a real thing, but it was real. And it was being caused by MCAS/gut inflammation because B) I already stopped taking IM B12 once I realized I didn’t need it as much on MCAS treatment

This doesn’t mean I didn’t need them, or that I’m lesser for needing them. I have brain damage partially from the years I was sick and wasn’t taking IM B12. I am not frivolously spending money, despite how you think of me. Maybe you assume I am and I’m just lying about it because that’s what you do.

“You should go off of fludrocortisone it’s poisoning you and it’s expensive. You should take supplements instead.”

A) All the alternatives for florinef for me have been determined to be worse, or I am allergic to them, or they are contraindicated because of MCAS. B) florinef is $10 a month on our insurance plan and allows me to walk.

“A normal child would be working full time and have their own health insurance”

A) I don’t know if you noticed but I am sick. I’m like, the kind of sick people use to describe the really sick people. I’m a few short steps and lack of medications away from being an actual bubble person who can’t leave her room.

B) this just literally does not apply to my situation can we get back to discussing realistic options I genuinely want to discuss realistic options with you

“this is the reality of life and budgeting”

A) yeah you definitely look like you’re budgeting, staying in expensive hotels, wanting to buy plane tickets and come visit me at the drop of a hat, totally

B) when you’re budgeting, you cut the non-essentials first, and big expenditures of money. You don’t start a budgeting by cutting out medications that let you walk and go outside. When you’re budgeting you cut non-essentials

“the insurance doesn’t cover it”

A) Unfortunately I still need it to live.

B) Have you tried submitting the insurance reimbursement forms? No? Okay... can you send them to me? No? okay...

“just get a primary care doctor they can do everything”

A) Every primary care doctor I go to gets a headache and gets frustrated with me and gives up and refers me away again to more expensive specialists. I can’t even cover part of my medical history in a 30-minute appointment with one. Also most of them don’t believe me possibly because I’m scared and unsure around authority figures because of you.

B) I think there are tops 80 people in the country who truly understand MCAS and about 3 in this state that are taking patients, none of these are primary care doctors

“How could you spend $200 trying new supplements?”

A) You literally told me to just try supplements myself instead of prescription medications or seeing doctors for recommendations

B) “All natural” does not mean free. Most are at least $30 for a month supply. Two of them were $60. I tried them periodically over the summer and bought them all at once.

C) Also, two of them worked so I’d say it’s a net success sort of if we’re trying to treat this with supplements instead of medications

“Your utility bills are too high you should bring those down”

A) my utility bills are high because I have to run a dehumidifer periodically, an air filter almost constantly, and AC every other day to survive the 90 degree weather when I react to heat and can’t open windows at night.

Here’s what I am going to do:

Not visit my family anymore, and put the plane ticket money towards doctors.

Propose a budgeting plan wherein if I come in underbudget for my typical expenses (even if my typical expenses are high due to illness) I can put that money towards a specialist visit. Incentivizes me to skip eating out with friends and save. Also if I eat mostly rice and feel horribly ill and have a yeast infection for a month I could put money saved from needing to eat meat into a specialist visit instead that could help me eat more foods someday. This isn’t worth doing otherwise because it’s not going towards that, it’s going towards whatever my mom spends money on currently. I still can’t believe we aren’t prioritizing my health over their vacation plans.

Take more medications and less supplements because actually medications are cheaper for the value of energy I get from them

Still go see that expensive specialist one last time as a follow-up visit because the only two supplements I tried that worked were ones she recommended for me based on my history and what she’s seen of patients like me with methylation issues and MCAS and family history of EDS.

Start eating just more handfuls of like actual salt to replace buying electrolytes

Talk seriously with my dad about budgeting, training a replacement for when he does retire, and making sure whatever lakehouse they pick doesn’t need renovations or else there goes a lot of their retirement money. Verify that they have no money saved up for retirement.

Keep track of how much money I spend and where so they know what it’s going towards.

Continue buying everything at goodwill. Maybe sell some old clothes I don’t use or electronics.

I will gladly replace stress from them yelling at me with financial stress. I just can’t pay for everything on my own yet, so not yet...

#all the things my mom doesn't care enough to listen to #i'm not going to do this her way #i'm going to take the bits of factual information she gave me #and i am going to do this my way #because my way is healthy and affirming #i'm pretty sure i can work out a budget that doesn't cut my essential medications

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nerdymedzebra · 5 years

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Exercise-Induced Anaphalaxis test.

Ah, irony. Literally the first time IN MY LIFE I have done cardio and not reacted. ENTIRELY different from my cardiac exercise test last year where all the symptoms started up I started blacking out and it took 15 minutes to be able to leave the table the tech dragged me onto when he had to pull me off the treadmill and not almost puke and over a half hour before I was able to leave the waiting room bc I was flat on the floor, legs up, trying to breath and not puke and get the rest of my body able to move again and perhaps be less tomato-red, sweaty, and scary looking.)(they weren't testing me for exercise induced anaphylaxis then, I think I hadn't learned that was a (rare, mast cell related) thing yet either. the tech was looking for weird heart arrhythmia or something and that was it and he didn't know what to do about me.

Probably the most likely cause was that my legs stopped working before It got much chance to start. Like, literally, it was weird, I was totally fine and then all a sudden my RPMs plummeted and they kept telling me to keep going harder and i shouted that I was, but I literally could not make the RPMs even stabilize, they were just tanking. It wasn't that the resistance felt too much, it was just like my legs had suddenly out of nowhere drained of all blood and energy and powered down. It was disconcerting that my body was straight up not responding to me.

They eased me into the exercise SO much (3 minutes sitting on the bike, not pedaling, then pedaling slowly, then pedaling @ around 65 RPMs which felt normal to me (and there felt like no resistance), then 70... with again what felt like only a few seconds of resistance here or there. But then one of the 3 respiratory therapists standing around me told me to stay above 75, and I then realized the test wasn't going to get harder, so I decided to try to keep my RPMs in the 80s/as high as I could... and so suddenly i went hard. I dont know if that just coincided with an increase in resistance or what, but I only lasted about a minute doing that before I got acutely out of breath and my legs started not listening.

The last thing I wanted was to NOT have the exercise-induced anaphylaxis that the ONE time im hooked up to monitors and having my blood drawn and have witnesses. Alas. For the first time in my entire life, I did intense cardio (well, only for a minute or two), and didn't react (tho my lungs burned like a mfer and I was still coughing 15+ minutes later, which does always happen too, but none of the other things did, like tanking BP and skyrocketing HR, extreme gi upset, throat swelling, blacking out.. Not even Flushing which happens first and to an absurd degree (in gym classes my level of redness would always scare my gym teachers)

So now I have to calm my upsetness and then try to figure out HOW this happened. Because, WHAT? I have never been more confused by my body than I am right now.

Was it simply because I only had a minute or two of *real* cardio? I already knew I can ride a bicycle with no resistance (inclines) just fine. But then all the sudden my body was working HARD and then I could only last a minute or two. Perhaps that's why my body didn't really get the chance to start reacting! I remember when i taught my PT the term "interoception" (which is a struggle for most people with Autism) and she mentioned that actually, all her EDS patients seemed to have trouble with that too, we tend to go really hard, not recognizing when something is probably too much for our muscles, then we essentially collapse and are sore and wobbly for days afterwards. Maybe that played into this, too? I just straight up did not have enough legit cardio time.

Or was it bc it was a bike instead of standing? Standing is worse but I have had one of my worst reactions one a bike (tho it was also through freshly cut grass, which I'm allergic too so would have been more susceptible to bc of exercising chemicals, but no grass pollen here now and last month I started reacting on a bike.. Or was I then just having burning lungs like I did today, but since they usually come together i just assumed a full reaction was starting? ). But also if I'm on a flat area I can bike just fine. In gyms if I can set my own pace I can bike at a leisurely pace with little to no resistance and be fine. But Louisville, where I live, has the SMALLEST of inclines on the walk/ride back from downtown to our house, and I can NOT ride my bike on it)

Is it bc I was inside a Drs office and not outside, thus exposed to fewer triggers? But I majorly reacted during the cardiac only exercise test last year in a different hospital!

Is it bc the bike was weird and it was like pedaling on my toes instead of full footed? Is it bc there felt like less resistance than riding a normal bike til the end? It felt way easier than just using a regular bike Is it bc they made me ease into it so slowly my HR didn't feel like it spiked (even a flight of stairs makes it spike!) I did feel that it was just starting a minute before my legs gave out but my legs gave out before it could really show itself. (some people with exercise induced anaphylaxis react to the HR spike itself, tho Idk how they know!)

Was it because the room was the perfect temperature? I apparently have chologenic urticaria to heat (oh, that's why I'm an absurdly red sploychy mess after showers!) and I have to wear a mask in the cold bc it can set me off too. I didn't even start to sweat until a minute before the legs gave out.

Was it because I had fasted all day? Most EIAn is actually good-induced (can have allergic responses to food you're not allergic too when not exercising)? But most days I don't eat anything til dinner and I still react either way. Also, thanks to EDS causing too stretchy stomach and dysfunctional motility it was 530 pm and my stomach still felt full from dinner the day before so I'm not even sure that truly counts as fasting?

Was it some combination of things?

Am I just miraculously cured of this thing which has haunted and traumatized me since elementary school?

Is it just bc its exactly my luck to have THE defining feature of my body for 3 decades just NOT DO THE THING when I finally have the chance to prove it to the doctors!

UGH. According to the research on EIAn, a single exercise challenge is not enough to count EIAn out, particularly since most people with it only react *sometimes* (I seem to be one of the only ones in my support group that react EVERY time that it gets to the point of HR spike/sweat).. but will the immunologist who clearly had no idea what EIAn was know that? I had a bad experience with her last session so I have no desire to meet with her again anyway. Should I just leave it at this? The research also said that most cases of EIAn are diagnosed clinically, just from description of the symptoms and a case history. Should I just bring it up to my new GP when I see her (my AMAZING GP is closing her office this month :'( ) and go about it that way?

Does it really matter to have an "official" diagnosis anyway? It wouldn't change much, though the ONLY treatment that is on record for helping some people, is Xolair shots-- which I already know many MCAS patients get anyway, so do i need to bother with an official diagnosis, or can I just bring up all this stuff to the GP and see if she'll give me the go ahead to try it (though at that point maybe she'd be able to give me the EIAn diagnosis as well, if I just bring in some of the research to show her (It's a rare thing so I doubt most doctors know anything about it on their own).

Anyway... I'm sad and disappointed that the test went this way. I wish it had just been a simple inclined treadmill like at the cardiac exercise test! I didn't even last 5 minutes on that before a full reaction, but they weren't testing my lung function and blood ever minute like they were on this test!

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aliensmoocher · 7 years

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19-39 for the Cute ask

i am blessed ty britta

below the cut b/c lots of things

19. would you rather be a skeleton or a ghost?

skeleton. let me rest in my dang coffin. dont want the pressure of haunting folks

20. do you prefer fish or lizards/snakes? (as pets)

I have had neither but would prefer lizards or snakes. I love reptiles

21. art or music?

Art but this is tough b/c I have trouble doing art without music and am so amazed by people who make music but i also dont know where I’d be without art so.

22. what is your favourite type of flower?

Heck I am a basic bitch who loves roses and tiger lillies. But I also like moonflowers and bleeding hearts.

23. soup or salad?

salad

24. are you good at keeping plants alive?

not really

25. do animals tend to like you?

yes

26. what is the worst book you've ever read?

My teacher forced me to read Twilight b/c I didn’t bring a book for after MCAS reading and I was more appalled by the poor editing than the mediocre story tbh.

27. do you collect anything?

I am a hoarder of everything

28. how many pillows do you sleep with?

I want more but normally 2-3

29. whats the latest you've ever woken up?

3 in the afternoon b/c sick

30. how many pictures are on your walls?

oh gee kiddo my walls in my dorm are spotless no pics or posters. But at home I have 3 things.

31. what age did you stop keeping stuffed animals on your bed?

I still keep stuffed animals on my bed rip

32. what is your favourite candy?

Chocolate=MnMs and Mallow Cups / Not Chocolate=Watermelon Sour Patch Kids

33. what is your favourite baked good?

Hot diggity do I love Brownies and Eclairs.

34. do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

I used to but it was pretty trashy, just use my iphone for pics now.

35. do you wear jewelry?

Not often but I’d like to get into the habit.

36. sunrise or sunset?

Sunset

37. do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

Depends. Most often I listen with headphones but if I’m working with a lot of materials / I need to move around sometimes I just blast it out of my computer speakers. (Especially when I’m using paint)

38. what was your favourite show as a child?

39. describe your favourite spot in your house.

During the day I like sitting at the living room table or on the couch. My room is okay.

#autumn shoosh #ask #i-am-the-myrmidon

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wheresdjiboutiat-blog · 7 years

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a tribute to my 8th grade ELA teacher.

in 8th grade we had a teacher who was as awkward and as strange as we are. we compiled a list of all the strange things he said in class(without context,of course) and now, list them here, for your enjoyment. we also presented the list to him on the last day of school.

we have provided the quotes below, keep in mind some of these require explaining, but we are too Lazy and no one would understand so have fun!!!

“The F-Bomb is very versatile, even though i know it's a verb”

“This is too much estrogen for me”

* "So one day you are brushing your teeth and you drop your tooth brush, and you have to pick it up and rinse it off and continue brushing your teeth. You are now 10 seconds late. Because of this you miss a red light you would have hit and get it a car accident. You land in the hospital where you meet a pretty nurse, you leave your wife and children and move to Hawaii. Live a happy life and have 20 children. Your 18th child, guiermo grows up to become the president of the united states., and in one flash of anger, starts a nuclear war that ends the world. Did you end the world because you dropped your toothbrush?"

. I did not just say freakin. Okay?

My wife would make a great plantation owner

Brilliant mike

“It’s probably Jill; it’s always Jill.”

“ Aww Duude sorry i stole your girl friend, she was sooooo hot”

"Got her by one point again"

I love sandwiches, i am going to illustrate that by saying all the sandwiches ��i looove”

“ i offered her violence” “ here honey, BAM!” *throws awkward air/fist punch*

“I almost burnt my house down once, but that was not because I was told not to, i just liked fire as a kid”

“Okaaaaaaay”

“We are too off topic… how did we even get to talking about this again?”

“ It's like slavery… nevermind, that was a mistake bringing that up”

*Casually sings cat song from Big Bang Theory*

“ What is wrong with the human race?

"Different items have different emotional value. If you get a new Barbie and leave it in the driveway, it might get run over, and yeah it might be sad at first but whatever you'll get over it pretty fast. On the other hand if your puppy gets plowed by the family SUV it's a different story"

“I said too much”

“The I brought you into this world I can take you out speech”

“ you are all making me sad” … puts hand on chest. “ i say that with love’

“I sure hope i can scar my children the way your….” cuts off ‘okayy back to the book”

“I tell my kid that if he does not pick up his toys outside the squirrels take them, but we really just puts them in the basement”

“There’s a tornado grab the cats!”

“So basically they picked two strong slaves, and forced them to have a child, which inherently would be strong too, kinda like cattle… (long pause and quiet Chuckles to self) farming tip. (Immediately apologizes)”

“TJ is not dead, you can see him in the sequel let the circle be unbroken, buy it today”

“So why is Harris a bad boy?... I didn't need that much detail.”

“I don't like this story it makes me uncomfortable.”

Student: “so technically you could do something to make the fear go away?”

Mr.G: “ oh yeah there's a lot of things you could do… most illegal but yeah.”

“That's like one of you guys marrying a newborn. (In reference to Edgar Allen poe) ‘you never do the dishes’ ‘WHHHAAAAAAA’ I'm so sorry for my actions.”

“ What I said out loud or what I said under my breath afterwards??”

(Mr.g takes off his glasses)trenton: how many fingers am i holding up? (holds up two fingers) “clearly Morgan you're holding up four.”

Chloe: my parents don't love me. (Mr.gaskill crouches on the ground with his head in his hands before standing up and walking away) “revelations”

“If you boil it down, freedom in your face, I mean, that's America. Are you proud to be an American?”(Starts singing the patriotic song) “I'll stop.”

“Here in America, all we got going for us is eagles and big guns.”

“when in doubt, say you're Canadian, everyone likes Canadians.”

Here in 2k17 all we want is gunfights and explosions, soo did you want papa to go all shoot em’ up, or no?”

“You know the country Djibouti?”(pronounced jabooti) someone random: “where's Djibouti at?” “And that's why it's my favorite country.”

What is wrong with you?! “Oh this guy is a problem LETS KILL HIM?

“I mean do you see how big that guys hand is?”

“Unless you get,” *rapid gesticulations* “too out of control”*pause* “wow, i just did that.”

“My entire sense of humor comes from this movie”

Nick, you have an 104 average in this class. In the most loving and affectionate way… GO AWAY. JUST GO AWAY!

Maggie, you have over an 100 average in my class I’m not talking to you.

“It’s like if you murdered 10 children. Was it wrong? … wait no that was a bad example… it’s like if you stole a cookie, and then was it wrong, or just illegal?”

“No, you can’t do that. Why is that still on there… although I suppose if someone did do that, I’d have to give them the points… but don’t do that!”

“I do not want to give you this test. [pause] I do not want to correct this test.”

*says the lines of Princess Bride under his breath as he walks by*

“I didn’t take notes like that til I was in college.”

“ ‘Your child is very social’...it’s what we say to parents when we want to be polite and not say ‘your child just won’t shut up.’”

“I hate MCAS.”

“I never thought of that… wow. No one’s ever said that before.”

“You don’t really love poetry. You just love the way Mr. Gaskill teaches poetry.”

“Wow. Just…” *laughs*

“Like I move around too much when I talk…”

“So even if it’s horrible, you can still fix it.”

“You made a second one?”

“There’s some wisdom I would like to give to all of you.”

To everyone: “They have to be less than a page.”

Later: “If you can get away with decreasing the margins…”

Next day: “NOT THAT MUCH but okay.”

“Your writing is… awkward.”

“It’s just me, myself, and Ai” x2

“You can’t touch the egg.”

student: “why do you do take off your glasses when we say something stupid”

“its cuz i usually cant stand to look at you”

*spends all of class talking about why he hated ela* *is ela teacher*

*talking about 8th grade character* “that age is horrible, we cant T R U S T you”

student:“are you trying to give us an existential crisis every class?”

*looks up nervously* “..nooooo..”

*looking at papers* “i know some of you cheat, i can tell, its like ‘hey ive read this before’ but it like on paper 78 and honestly im not going back to see who you copied off of, so congrats on cheating the system”

#wesaythisoutoflove dr.g dontdropyourtoothbrush education2k17 princessbride bigbangtheory buffythevampireslayer funny

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