ok finally got around to watching the haunting of villa diodati and I will be pretending that all of chibnall era is written like that

hi neli!!!! you probably noticed how i was going crazy in my tags over ur art jghkkjg, i just now remembered that asks exist and that i should drop in to say smth first of all, i LOVE your art!!!! ur style is suuuper cute, and your silly little mice drawings are some of my faves in the patb fandom💕 i'm especially happy abt seeing a bunch of sleepy snuggling ones, i literally think about pinky and brain cutely sleeping together all the time but couldn't find any fanart like that, so ur blog is like a dream come true to me!! like honestly i saw them and went 🤯🤯🤯😫😫🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰 i genuinely love all artists in the patb fandom bc there's a tooon of wonderful talented and original ppl, but ur style is definitely one of the cutest imo, i looove when ppl draw mice fluffy and with huge ears!!!! i think it partially reminds me of bunnies, so they end up looking like two coolest rodents at the same time!! aand that also makes ur dark pinky fanart cooler, because dp looks adorable but is still a bad bitch so it kinda creates a contrast of sorts jgkhj i love that sm but like mice aside, ur woy fanart is so cool?? AND YOUR WARNER SIBS ARE ACTUALLY AMAZING???? i kind of wish you would draw warners more just because they look so nice in ur style (its okay tho if u want to just draw gay mice i totally respect that💯💯) also this is a bit unrelated but i was sooo surprised to see someone reblogging m&m stuff kljklkjljl (as in мастер и маргарита), не каждый день тут встретишь ценителей русской культуры 😌 anyway, amazing blog, amazing art, amazing taste in music (against the kitchen floor is literally pov brain realised that he's way too avoidant and you can't change my mind), u are very cool and i'm glad i found u on here👍👍 with love from blooky💜

OH MP GOD. For your information im not used to receive so many compliments at the same time and I’m kinda overwhelmed, but in a very positive way. THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH ???? Drawing eepy snuggling mice is something I’ve been made for, that’s kind of my favorite genre of brinky art </3 I’m glad you love my art style, too, i love drawings the mice with huge ears, they’re so silly <3

I actually want to draw Warner sibs more, i just still didn’t completely develop an artstyle for them, but i miss them so much.

Also THE MASTER AND MARGARITA APPRECIATOR??? I literally FELL IN LOVE with this book the second I finished it, not to mention that I’m a huge Russian classics enjoyer in general, but Bulgakov has some books that i can reread many times and not get bored. Кстати русский я тоже неплохо знаю (8 лет жизни в России дают о себе знать) :3

Anyways. THANK YOU. SO SO MUCH. YOU LITERALLY MADE MY MORNING, MIGHT AS WELL A WHOLE DAY. IM LITERALLY SOBBING /POS. PLANTS A SMOOCH ON YOUR FOREHEAD THROUGH THE SCREEN /p

Feel free to use this ask to scream anything abt Clarabelle, Thrasher & Scapegrace (either all together or individually) that you havent yet mentioned!!

OKAY🌼🌈 well for one thing i feel like people mischaracterize thrasher as a dumbass but he's not really. he's just a normal guy who has been thrown into a supernatural setting and his Normal Guy reactions are part of what make him interesting. he's shown to be more competent than scapegrace in several cases (not that the bar is super high😭 but people tend to think of him as more of an idiot than scapegrace for? some reason?) and while his judgement is obviously skewed due to being deeply in love with scapegrace he's still just some guy there's nothing about him to suggest he's particularly incompetent. also unrelated but thrasher is a trans man and he's never done any surgeries and he has BOOBS. ok?

umm i hardly ever have coherent thoughts on clarabelle theyre all just "HRBDBGSHSHHH MY GOOPY💥💯🌈🎉🌠💞😍" but i will say shes definitely a gaygirl (girl whos gay for men) and she totally has schizotypal personality disorder 💪💪 and shes my girlfriend. im her cheeseburger /ref

scapegrace blushes with their whole face. their whole entire face and ears will turn red. do u understand my vision.

bitches be like "cant stand plotlines about the power of desire, they make me feel too much" and then watch OOO and donbros. okay OOO was an uninformed accident and donbros is bonkers and theres no way i could have possibly figured out a single plot point that happened before i actually started the show but [we irritating pic] we suffering 😂😂😂 if it wasnt fucking clear by that intro: im bitches (these are my thoughts for today under the cut)

look i'm approximately 60 years old on the inside. you might think i'm cool and fresh and in my mid twenties but that's all a ruse. nothing makes me feel older than watching someone navigate a crush for the first time (if anyone is going to bring up hongo i don't... i don't actually know what i'll do but it'll be something and it'll be drastic. don't look at me, look away actually, we're talking about sonoi here. and shut up as well.)

i hate sonoi so fucking much he haunts me. what is wrong with him. i say this but also i know exactly what's wrong with him and it's that he's never had a crush before and is acting up. I HATE THINKING ABOUT IT OH FGUCKIGN its like he's at that stage where you like someone a lot and you just cant look at them. at all. or is that a me thing and im embarrassing myself publicly again. i swear this is a common occurrence-

he's at that stage where he's overthinking everything that happens with tarou. he's both convinced that he should not be around tarou because he doesn't want his feelings to get in the way of his mission or whatever but also he's sending tarou a proxy with a message from him? and getting upset when it's delivered wrong?? my man is out here listening to sononi go off about a completely unrelated couple and internalizes fucking all of it and this is the man you're trying to tell me doesn't understand art? look buddy i'm not about to go off on a tangent about what art is and what makes art good in my opinion (i will some other time. ask me about clothespin. i will go off.) but i'm pretty fucking sure an unrelated thing causing you to feel an emotion or think about a situation in a different way is like. that's definitely what goes on with art. what the fuck. can't stand his ass.

nobody in this show is the least bit self aware and i know that's fucking rich coming from me mr. "oh yeah no i'm just ignoring this thing about myself because i'm too busy right now and can't deal with it." at least i'm aware i'm a dipshit if nothing else?!

might switch tracks a little bit here but ive said it before with tarou... lemme just fucking slurp the tweets actually come to think of it ive half typed this up already and i can totally save myself some time

yeah there we go that's better. sorry this is yet again me talking about The Subjectivity of Truth. i bamboozled you! i drew you in with promises of gay people! but instead it's me! i'm the gay person. i'm the gay person and i'm talking about the subjectivity of truth again. look we'll get there again i swear there's a thread i'm following here you'll just have to humor me for a bit because...

main point: if you couldn't tell, i don't trust sonoi. i mean okay yeah no that comes off a little harsh; i don't trust any of the nouto in the same way, but it's not like. it's not personal. i don't trust anyone in this fucking show i think they're all incredibly biased and it's been shown many times that things that a character believes to be true just can straight up not be.

sorry, like: we have the goddamn crane juuto. we have the goddamn crane juuto whose whole fucking Deal is that it creates stories. and haruka. and like fuck me i suppose but i think that having two characters Explicitly there to tell stories is a little much for me to take anything anyone says at face value.

[total sidebar here: holy shit i loved seeing natsumiho and haruka interact in this ep. girlbosses but also haruka following her around for inspiration was really funny considering what she is. i have more i could say about this but now is not the time!!]

what we've seen of ideon so far (which, i mean, is not a lot, it's really not a fucking lot) but their world is very much designed to not lead to cultivating a population who desires. maybe this is a nature vs. nurture debate. do the nouto not desire because at their core they are unable to or at least somewhat immune to it or do they not desire because they haven't been shown desires to have. it seems quite strongly that they believe the former but that the reality is the latter. if nothing else they seem to all have the desire to learn more about humanity. do i think this will ever be touched on? FUCK no i don't expect anything. i like it though.

man idk. i really don't buy sonoi saying (back in the cafe when he was all fucked up and red no less) that the nouto are unable to turn into hitotsuki. i don't trust like that half because i don't trust sonoi further than i could throw the man but also because [here is the gay shit i promised earlier i told you we'd come back to it i would never tell a joke] i think watching him get corrupted by his own desire for tarou would make me feel 10 million emotions and absolutely shatter like i'm a prop glass and the universe just smashed me over someone's head. i think i would legitimately have to take a day off work if that were the case. i think that would rule and whip and fuck and every single other word that you can possibly think of. i think that would chop my balls off. i want that to happen so bad i cannot put it into words and it's sure as shit not for a lack of trying. i'm doing my absolute best here.

do i think this will happen? absolutely not lol i just like the concept. although come to think of it i know that the don clan created the juuto but did they ever say what they created them... from? would be fucked up if that's what happens when a nouto gets infected with desire. do i believe that's what actually happened? who knows... i just think it would be fun. i am allowed to think about the idea for no reason but i think it would be fun :)

sorry for going off about the subjectivity of truth again! actually i'm not sorry that was really fun for me <3 i feel relatively more normal now but ugmghhhhmh i cannot wait for sonoshi to show up uh i know i'm gonna be really normal about him and if he tears himself out of my hand and onto my open and waiting csp canvas like you're just gonna have to be cool about this. you're gonna have to understand. some bitch showing up to fuck things up in the 3rd quarter is what i NEED okay actually there's already quite a lot of fucking things up in the third quarter that's happening right here but new blood. new blood! new blood!! and he's red!

[exhales really deeply] okay cool i got that out of my system. i'm not looking to workshop any of these ideas unless idk, you really want to. don't feel like you need to respond to anything that i'm saying here. i'm just making spaghetti, brother. sometimes you need to sit in your brain and sort things out and make a big pot of spaghetti. that's all this is. this is me trying to put my thoughts into words which i want to train myself to be better at again, and if longform donbrothers posting is how i must do it, so be it. this is you looking into my mind if you care to do so and saying "damn, bitch, you live like this?" and it's true, i do. every single fucking day of my life i am plagued with the capacity to think. god bless

ok i KNOW the ask game said specify a character but i think all ur pronoun/sexuality takes on all the mash guys would be very cool :3

M*x im fucking love you thank you for the precious gift youve given me…

ALRIGHT M*A*S*H BOYS NIGHT PRIDE EDITION

Hawkeye- is malewife a gender nah but weirdly enough i think Hawk is a he/him but in a “Harry Styles wearing a skirt and nail polish in 2018 while everyone on the internet collectively lost their shit” way. He is, as if I even had to say it, a disaster bisexual.

Trapper- all around red blooded american man, he/him, not exactly disaster bisexual but bisexual with a sunglasses emoji infusion 😎. he WOULD find it funny/endearing if you used she/her pronouns like yes I am that bitch hello how may I help you.

B.J. HUNNICUT IS THE WHOLE FRUIT SALAD. Idk this is just my hc but I feel like he is definitely in a lavender marriage with Peg like they definitely are best friends and they do love eachother but holy fuck Bea Jay Hunnicut is a funny little mlm he/they I want to see him in pain

Frank Burns- he fucking sucks i dislike talking about him but I really wish they fleshed out the “secret repressed homosexual that hates himself” idea so yeah he/him passably straight on the outside little fruit tart on the inside

Charles Emerson Winchester III- Secret Repressed Homosexual that Hates Himself Prime. I am a gay Charles purist and I can and absolutely will die on this hill. who the fuck is Donna He/Him and sometimes the royal “we” just cause hes my special little guy and he can.

Henry Blake- his pronouns are they/them! actually though? I feel like Henry could pretty solidly slot into the non-binary identity. Is this based on fact? No! Its based entirely on vibes (which is arguably more accurate) unrelated but they would also wear the “Women want me fish fear me” hat without a trace of irony

Sherman Potter- now THERE is a trans man who wouldve fuckin thrown down at stonewall. he/him StraightGuy tm who just loves his wife and his horses Very Much. arent there a lot of stories of AFAB ppl dressing as men to join the army? also i hc all of his buds in Old Soldiers to be trans guys too.

Radar- whats that post that goes like “I think Radar is autistic with massive amounts of t boy swag” its really funny but I would like to tweak the narrative n this one. I think Radars mom has the type of rural homegrown wisdom where she thinks the severity of her morning sickness would determine the babies gender so she assumed Radar would be a girl so everyone got her little dresses and painted the Radars room pink but after Radar was born she just. raised her as a girl anyway? you cant exactly scrap a 1-10 year female wardrobe and buy new in Ottumwa so out of convenience he was raised as a girl but recognized as a boy. so i feel by the time he gets drafted in korea and has spent plenty of time performing as both genders he really doesnt care anymore and only prefers mens clothing because he personally finds it more comfortable. i think he would accept he/she/they pronouns and be demisexual.

Klinger- said you were a lesbian girl me too I really dont know how to explain is but Klinger is both a straight man and a lesbian at the same time. definitely he/they/she and demisexual like Radar… i feel like Klinger is your dads older sibling and Radar is your moms younger sibling. same vibes for sure but different auras.

Father Mulchahy- ive been waiting for this one (and another thank you to M*x for letting me on my soapbox) FATHER! MULCHAHY! IS! NOT! ASEXUAL! HE! TOOK! A VOW! OF! CHASTITY! TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS! Please dont feel like im coming for your neck specifically if this is your hc its totally valid to want ace representation and it would only feel natural to assign it to the character who doesnt have any relationships as a part of their backstory or characterization but I feel like only assigning Mulchahy with this role is not only some pretty upsetting ace tokenism but harmful to the sanctity of his faith and vows he took on as a priest. That being said! I think Mulchahy is bisexual (and would probably think Jesus was too) and I think you could address him with he/they pronouns but has a slight preference towards he.

Sidney Freedman- It seems like almost everyone in my post has come down with a case of the bisexual he/theys 🤒 but yeah besides Hawkeye I think Sidney would be the vocal about his identity? He could run circles around homophobes and transphobes who try to claim gay/transness to be a disease and I think his wife probably knows and supports his identity although they remain monogamous (Sidney is NOT a cheater >:( )

Thanks so much for the ask!! I hope I answered thouroughly enough and if I forgot anyone please let me know so I can hit myself really hard with a cast iron pan

ok im watching outer banks and idk maybe im just too chill or something, but some of these people are so dramatic like (spoilers btw). sure sarah kissed topper, and john b sort of has the right to get upset, but sarah apologised extensively, and she was totally drunk at the time too, so i think john b is just being too dramatic, ykwim? also they were stranded on an island together so thats definitely gotta count for something right? and on the island topic, they are all deeply emotionally unstable teens, so they are gonna do some dumb things, so just fucking forgive each other, you know. like get over yourselves and see that you all totally love each other and go help each other. im just finished episode 7 i think, so i guess ill just have to see where this goes.

also unrelated note i totally thought jj was gay. but i still think jj and kiara are good together and it does kinda make sense

I’m going to try and be as held together as possible. But the Primarchs are BROTHERS. Yes, the astartes are a whole another can of worms. But they’re brothers. Why? What is with the incest in this fandom? (I’m totally for lgbt I’m aro ace myself and a fanfic writer.) But this is just why?

Well, I fully expected someone to come at me eventually about this, and I thank you for actually being very polite about it! I'll try to explain myself as much as I can. I will only speak about myself and how I see it, it might be different for others.

First one all: Imo, genetically, they are not any more related than two random humans plucked from different continent. It's canon that Big E mixed up many string of DNA to make them. I do headcanons some of them as closer, genetically. Alpahrius Omegon are obliviously twins, and I like to Imagine Corvus and Konrad as such too.

Second: Culturally, again, imo, most of them don't see each others as brothers. They grew up on different planets, some with actual siblings and foster family, and only became into contact with each others as adult. Im pretty sure that canon Emperor simply decided to use a "family" structure to control them more easily, creating a sense of loyalty in them and not just going "hello im a weirdo who made you in a lab and then accidentally lost you around the galaxy".

I actually think it greatly vary, how the boys see one another. Magnus definitely see Lorgar as his brother, but if my memory is right, never gave a shit about Konrad. As a result, calling someone "brother" with meaning feel like a very deliberate choice for them.

Third, author intent: warhammer was created in.... An area were representations was, at best, minimal. Now I know it's the imperium and all, but they still somehow managed to sneak in some really awful queer coding. Fulgrim being so obliviously lgbtq+ and being the one to fall to the demon of sex and lust? (I know, slaanesh represent other things, but the link is here). Lion being LITERALLY named after a queer poet and having his entire concept being into hiding and secrecy? It suck. It really, really suck. So, I queer up some more of the characters. I make Corvus a transwoman, turn Ferrus into a gay icon, and let Leman be the bisexual horn dog he always deserved to be.

Fourth... Well, this is a bit more shallow, but: it make for great story. Literally almost everyone that is a big name in warhammer is freaking related, unless you move to the guards (Wich I do, god I could write love letters about the guards). As such, if you want to add romance to a story, and I do enjoy solid romance, and sex, and drama, you will quickly run into some issues of just... Not having enough unrelated character. Wich suck!!! I want more normal humans to have SM bf!!! Heck I want xenos to date the big dudes!!!! One of my fav ship is literally Yvraine/Guilliman yall

Im also terrible at dealing with oc, I don't enjoy writing them most of the time, and they feel extra cringy if I try to ship them with a main cast.

Fifth point, kinda related to the precedent two: something, having the boys being in love make a better story. The absolute tragedy of Fulgrim killing Ferrus, and then realising what he has done?? The pained betrayal of Sanguinius, after realising that Horus was utterly lost to Chaos? Beautiful. I like those things better with a flavoring of romance, but I fully respect someone who think it's more poignant to write about family members experiencing that betrayal.

Sixth: I write mostly to cope. I have a lot of pretty serious health issues, and suffer various shade of ptsd. I have experienced very personal and awful things before, and worked frontline in healthcare during the worst of the pandemic. It might seem like a strange way to justifie it, but going feral and posting outrageously sexual and stupid things really does help me relax and deal with bad things in my life.

And finally, the one that is the most important to me: they are fictional. They are literally plastic figurine that I can walk around on my table and can make them kiss in pretend if I want to. I could also take their mini, grab some greenstuff, and decide that, my Magnus is now "Sir flying mc pants, level 5 wizard of birbs and stupidity" and paint him green.

I have fun imagining them fucking or falling in love or eating spicy tacos or singing at eurovisions (and yes that post is coming), because it bring me joy, and I don't see it as incest. They aren't real. I can literally decide to not make them brother in my brain, just as I decided that Colchis should be based on Algeria in all my hc, or that Vulkan should not be chucked in black paint.

So yeah, that's why I write what I write!!! To be honest tho, you came around at a bad time, rn almost everything recent is peak horny posting lol. My mutuals do seem to enjoy it??? Good for them?????

If this is still distasteful to you, that's totally ok! We all have different tolerance level for fictional content. There's plenty of things that I avoid, and I don't mind at all if people block me! Your comfort level is more important than exposing yourself to potentially triggering content.

Hello! Checking in just to talk about random stuff that are slightly unrelated to each other . No theories today.

So first off, Am i seeing things or does Nanon's dimples really do change with emotions ???

Before bb, i had never really paid much attention to the acting in any bl series (i just categorized everything into watchable and non watchable) neither have i ever invested so much time in coming up with theories and rewatching everything. So, I'm not really sure about smth that i think i noticed and i want to hear the roundtable's opinions on it ? As actors, i feel like OhmNanon's eyes have smth special about them ? Idk if it's just bb brainrot but there's this weird sparkle i notice in their eyes anytime they are acting as PatPran ? Now, I don't watch much cinema bcz i like reading more so probably it's my first time noticing good acting, but i find their eyes specially expressive? And... Ohm is so talented??!???? Such a sweet person!?!?!? Okay, that's enough . I'll just stop here bcz ik where this is going.

Anyway, that's end of rant ig .

Also , the masculine urge to assign Reliable Anon Merlin's position bcz even tho Merlin's an unofficial member (but Reliable Anon is an official member), Arthur can't survive a second without him and everyone's lowkey flirting with him at all times (which, im sure, Reliable Anon can totally relate)

I was thinking of assigning all the other Anons a position too, when Reliable Anon declared you as Arthur (which i totally agree upon) but I'm afraid I'd offend someone so I'll just leave it here.

Ps. As a Virgo myself, I wholeheartedly agree upon virgo!Pran. Specially the part of him going gay straight from RBF to adorable bf , like that one Anon pointed out.

PPs. Heard you are preparing for an exam and bb at the same time ? So good luck for your Exam!!!!! <3

PPPS . Take a look at this. The page is nowhere near related to bb but the admin still gets it .

Unreliable Anon

hello, dearest unreliable anon!!

this is definitely not the first drama when i'm like "oof, the acting tho 👀", but i do get what you mean! ohm and nanon are both incredibly talented actors 😭 there is this actor that once said that love is the hardest thing to perform, and it is true - it's not that hard to perform emotions like happiness or sadness or anger, but love? how do you show that? ohm and nanon know exactly how, and it's incredible.

honestly, i can totally see reliable anon being merlin, because i truly can't survive a second without them and they are most certainly the anon everyone is most in love with. i would LOVE to know which positions you'd assign to other anons tbh, but oh well... perhaps one day you will tell us.

re: p.s. - i am so glad everyone agrees that pran is a virgo, makes me very happy (especially because i definitely think pat is a pisces, and i adore virgo/pisces couples).

re: p.p.s. - thank you so much, i hope i will survive this exam! (it's french, so ew and also i don't know anything jkfgjlkdfgjlkdf).

re: p.p.p.s. - also yes, this is indeed a mood, in more ways than one for me this week, because friday is when my december exams end as well as the bb day.

Bro yeah... the transmasc friendship longing... its like yeah... I feel like its the youth vibes I should have had... and like, I look back on stuff I used to watch and how I felt about people around me... and like... the same wish and envy has always been there. Which like makes me feel a bit better cause its not JUST beeduo to give me the feelings...

Yeah... I just wanna be a bro who hangs with my bros...

You can like ignore this if you want, it just more of me being /same...

OK SO THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR A HOT MINUTE BUT YEAH

U GET IT ANON.

and yeah same i had the same reaction to like sasuke and naruto as like uhh genins, and theyre like Anime Bitches

and then i've had the same reaction to eddie n richie from IT in the 2017 film so like

i know it's not JUST beeduo but damn i still get sad when i watch them sometimes lmfao

but it's alright i mean something that can bring me comfort is like!! honestly??? fiction exists for a reason, and you can totally just.... explore things you may miss out on THROUGH fiction. and that's like a comfort. like sometimes things aren't ideal because of the cards we're dealt and that's okay! bc idk sometimes the missing cards meant more experiences that make me, me.

i was thinking about this in the car about like how. i think to myself sometimes like wow i wish i had the childhood a cis gay man would have had because i know?? a lot of like.... things ive missed out on childhood are important to me and i wish i had those experiences sometimes.

BUT ALSO??? IF I WAS A CIS GAY MAN IDK. IDK IM GLAD IM A TRANSMASC NONBINARY PERSON DUDE. like cis men are great and wonderful and i genuinely love them!! but im glad i have.... the experience of being raised "female" so to speak. like maybe i didn't have like???? the experiences i sometimes may YEARN- this is so far unrelated to bee duo bc im getting into like being a queer cis boy, and like??? idk if they're queer! maybe! it's not my business and it's not anyones but im not putting any type of labels on these guys bc its not my job nor my business like i said

BUT. BEE DUO R SLIGHTLY RELATED TO ME GOING AWW MAN WISH I WAS A CIS BOY WHO WAS KINDA FRUITY W/ MY HOMIES SOMETIMES

BUT ANYWAYS.

I MAY YEARN FOR THAT SOMETIMES but also if i was cis i think i'd not be as privy to somethings i am now? like idk! like, the male experience is vastly different from the female experience, and [this is applicable to childhood largely as our society functions on a binary in terms of gender, and only recently has it become more often that parents may raise their kids aware of gender and shit like that.] so i'm not talking about adulthood being confined to a binary, but our childhoods (at least in the US) mostly are. like typically by adulthood if you're queer you have an idea or you know and you have the freedom to explore that and experiment with it. like thats not to say by adulthood the female and male experience are the same either, it's just to say usually by adulthood it's not just a narrow binary. like maybe??? in childhood it can be more broad be depending on how you were raised, but most people are raised... with a binary.

ANYWAYS. THEYRE BOTH DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES. AND THOUGH I MAY LAMENT ON THINGS I'VE MISSED, I THINK THE EXPERIENCES I HAVE NOW HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO WHO I AM TODAY, AND OVERALL, I LIKE WHO I AM TODAY. especially MUCH more than like. how much i'd be willing to SACRIFICE that for like... a cis boy experience.

like i wouldnt be able to, obviously, but with that knowledge i don't have to lament it all the time. especially when, like i said, i can just... explore that experience in fiction. and if you really wanted to like, you could definitely RP something similar with your friends! because its a fun and cool way to explore shit in fiction!

RP and fiction is cool, it can be a healthy tool for people who have been robbed of experiences or simply have missed experiences and lament that to explore.... said experience.

TLDR;

YEAH ME TOO, BUT A PIECE OF COMFORT I HAVE IS THAT EVEN THO I CANT HAVE THOSE EXPERIENCES, THE EXPERIENCES I HAVE NOW HAVE MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY AND I CAN ALWAYS JUST. WRITE SOME FICTION OR RP SOME OF THOSE EXPERIENCES IF I RLY WANTED TO

(✴️anon) CLAIRE I GOT THE JOB. IM LIKE ACTUALLY CRYING RN. I'M LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST IVE BEEN IN A FUCKING YEAR DUDE. I can't believe it holy shit. It's at a call center and it's full time with full benefits and a fucking gym membership that I'll never use??????? I'm so excited. Thank you so much for continuously supporting and encouraging me, I appreciate it so fucking much. I actually can't believe this is real. This IS the best time timeline. Day gay, Phil gay, and I have job???? Wow

OH MY FREAKING GOD THATS THE BEST BEST BESTTTTT NEWS FRIEND CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!! and all those benefits make it sooooo much better wtf i’m so happy for you!!!! and AAAHHHH you’re so so so welcome, i’m so happy i could help!! and goddd you’re so right, this last month has been sooooo much more than i ever hoped for and it doesn’t feel real but it IS and that makes it so much better!!! definitely treat yourself with some good food or even just a nice youtube binge or whatever you’re feeling like tonight since you totally deserve it!

(the dog says congrats too!! also unrelated but LOOK HOW FLUFFY I WANNA SQUEEZE IT PLS)

Its weird how much the perceptions of queer people can change throughout history

And like i'm not just talking about how widespread predjudice is and how shitty the education is, so that a trans person like me could grow up not only not knowing they were trans until age 20 but not even knowing that trans people EXISTED. And then of course there's how the perception of the word "queer" has made a rollercoaster journey from "unrelated quaint word for slightly odd" to "homophobic slur" to "reclaimed slur" to "so reclaimed that it's used as a common umbrella term by LGBTQ rights organizations and educational systems" to "ok suddenly its a slur again and we dont know if we'll be able to reclaim it this time". And then allllso there's the fuckin annoying subject of how bigots insist upon perceiving trans women as "really just gay men" or "straight men with a fetosh for dressing up", and then trans women as also being the only trans people who exist,because trans men (and lesbians) are apparantly "just women playing at it" or "lol sexy" and somehow can't really be real. Somehow even less real than the thing they already say isnt real. Seriously, wrapping my head around how bigots think is EXHAUSTING!

Aaaaanyway all of those recent issues REALLY SUCK but then they got me thinking about how bigotry was really different just ten years ago, and how fascinating (and depressing) i found it to hear about unrecogniseably different bigotry in ancient history. So uhh yeah lets ramble about that??

Random example that I only remember because I had a Big Norse Mythology Phase in high school. Back in those times it wasn't considered gay to be attracted to men. Like.. Seriously! They still had homophobic bigotry and horrifying lynchings,banishment, social ostracization and other hate crimes. It's just that their definition of who was 'one of the bad ones' and who was 'acceptable' was wildly different from what we have today. It was like.. Not about who you were attracted to but the specifics of the act itself? They uhh..literally had top and bottom predjudice. You weren't "gay" if you had sex with men, only if you were on the bottom when it happened. Because it was "natural" for a man to be the pitcher, but "womanly and deviant" to be on the receiving end and *gasp* actually enjoy it! You could somehow retain your straightness card by topping a dude and he was the only weird one for enjoying this sex you were having. Because yknow the top is just totally imagining he's fucking a woman, so its Not Gay. Somehow.

Like there's a whole poem about two guys slinging insults at each other for five pages, and one stanza is like "i totally had sex with you and that makes you gay!" Taken to ridiculous extremes where he claims the other man is SO gay that he was somehow able to get magically pregnant and have his children. Also they were monsters because why not. But (i shit you not) he adds that they werent even PARTICULARLY SCARY monsters and that proves that you are a terrible man. For giving me a bad lay. Which somehow means you are gay and I'm not.

And like I mean.. I can understand how a culture with so many all-male sailing crews would kinda have to deal with a lot of gay relationships happening, but its just so fuckin WEIRD that they managed to do it while retaining a predjudice against them! I mean the ancient greeks had a similar situation and they very notably went full acceptance to the point even the most LGBTQ-erasing scholars can't manage to paper it over. Not that they were perfect either, of course, there was a lot of societally accepted pedophilia. But then again britain's had a history of that too, plus even worse stuff... Okay im getting offtopic, thats another subject for another day.

So yeah. Weird alternate conceptualization of sexuality. And part of me wants to laugh at those bigots being so wrong, while part of me feels relieved thinking that at least half of all gay men managed to avoid predjudice compared to how common it is in our society. But then i think about how much the "i'm on top so i'm straight" thing is played off in really creepy ways in those mythological tales. Like seriously its horrible imagining some guy raping another guy as a sign of dominance and pulling the "he enjoyed it so arrest him" card. Or lovers selling out their other half to deflect suspicion from themself, like "yeah you caught us having sex but he was the gay one." It's such a weird form of bigotry to wrap my head around, i don't even know if these worst case scenarios would have happened but i'm scared to research more into the subject in case i find triggering stuff like that.

Tho i mean this is just a factoid i found in a mythology book to explain a weird diss poem, like not even an actual history book with sources ans examples. So for all I know maybe it isnt even true? *shrug* i just thought it was interesting to think about and i hope maybe i can bump into someone else who's better informed on the topic.

Oh and also LOL just to add that I totally fell in love with norse mythology cos of Loki,became a huge Loki stan, wrote stupid fix-it fics for LITERAL MYTHOLOGY where Loki was proven right and got all his dead kids back, and throughout this entire time dumb teenage me never once thought "hmm maybe i'm fascinated by the one gay and genderfluid character because i might be queer". What a dope! (Seriously internalized transphobia fucks you up...)

what is the gayest podcasts u know? 👀

thanks for asking anon, i am happy to help!! just a heads up, i don’t actually listen to that many podcasts (under 10 i think), so this list is very incomplete, and i’m sure other people have lists more comprehensive, but this is a list of stuff thats gay (canonically) that i have listened to and can confirm that it does actually have decent rep, as well as what that rep is. there are other ones i know where it’s hinted or a minor character is but those don’t count bc i’m not gonna give you table scraps when i can provide a meal, you know?

the bright sessions - ofc this is my go to, among the main cast there’s a confirmed gay character, confirmed bi character, and a relationship between two boys. one of the characters is pan ace, although the pan part is only confirmed by word of god, a minor character is a lesbian, and one of the characters doesn’t know his sexuality but it’s not straight. i also like it bc they do try to confirm sexualities in canon so there’s no wondering like u know. u are aware bc they tell you. i like that i like the explicit use of labels (it also makes having a character w/o labels mean something rather than be a way to avoid calling him gay, instead, he can just be questioning bc he isn’t the Only One u feel)

the penumbra podcast - unlike tbs, penumbra takes place in different universes where gender identity and sexuality are non-issues, so while it’s never explicitly told to you in canon, a good majority of the relationships are same gender ones, the protag of one of the main stories has a relationship w/both a man and a woman (not at the same time tho which is disappointing- in character, but disappointing- but hopefully penumbra is coming in clutch w/the polya stuff we all deserve, but polyamory isnt lgbt+ so thats a little unrelated) so u know he’s bi (thats not the purpose of that relationship but as a side effect it informs the listener that he’s bisexual), penumbra is a bit all over bc of the multi-universe thing so i cant really do a discrete list like w/tbs but listen trust me it’s solid & super gay

alice isn’t dead - the main character is a lesbian and she’s married to her wife and she talks about her wife and while she isn’t happy with her wife in fact the whole plot is her finding her wife (well im not all caught up bc i suck but it was where i am) bc the genre is horror but it’s still very gay. unrelated but i also really like it bc the main characters are almost entirely women which. should really not be as novel and as refreshing as it is. but anyway that’s not lgbt+ rep but it’s still Good i think.

within the wires - i don’t want to say the main characters are lesbians bc they could be bi or pan (i think please dont quote me its been SO LONG since ive listened) but it is two women in love. or who used to be in love. a reconnection of sorts? the genre is also horror and the format is kickass and i cant think of anything to say about the relationship that isn’t a spoiler i’m so sorry but please listen

welcome to night vale - The Classic™ you have def already heard of it but it means so much to me in terms of rep as the first real positive rep i have ever gotten so im gonna mention it. the main character is gay and has a male love interest and they fall in love and go on dates and there is no waiting it’s first ep bless wtnv. lot of backlog so i always say to save it for road trips but listen. i love it. actually just check out night vale presents (the network) everything they have is solid for rep

the strange case of starship iris - i will recc tscosi until i die i love it so much, no confirmed w/words sexualities (at least not in canon and if there’s word of god i missed it) but u know the main character likes women in the first ep, it’s not actually canon atm bc of buildup and whatnot but i’m pretty sure the main ship is two women (theyre definitely into each other anyway), there’s a character who’s a trans man, and i guess a nb character? they may not call themself nb bc thats a human word but the gender binary doesn’t exist to aliens so for rep purposes i would consider them nb. 

an honourable mention, i can’t vouch for it just yet but i started listening to the adventure zone mostly because i know there’s a gay character and a character who’s a trans woman so there’s that information that is completely unverified by me but that i feel totally confident relaying bc i was online when one of the eps came out and boy did everyone yell a Lot. EDIT: also a wlw couple whom i havent met yet either but im GONNA and im excited

and that’s all i got. i hope i didnt tell u just a list of stuff u knew already and have fun!!