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queen-of-elves · 6 months

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Kinktober 2023: Oneshot

Sanji Vinsmoke x f!reader

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

A/N: bit ooc Sanji? At first I had in mind anime!Sanji but it's a bit of personality hybrid between anime and opla,I tried lol also this is my first smut I actually posted and you can NOT change my mind that Sanji is a service bottom

And yes, I am late as always, had no time to proofread it but I did edit as much as I could

A/N2: the lovely pink MDNI banner is from @cafekitsune and I love their work, definitely check them out and give them some love too

+I have some more Sanji fanfics in WIPs

Words: 2,7K

Warnings: unintentional aphrodisiac use, oral (f! receiving), hair pulling? (Sanji receiving tho), overstimulation, fingering, multiple orgasms,

The Strawhat pirates loved adventures and causing trouble while experiencing them but sometimes their adventures turned into a life or death situation quite easily. It was actually more common than most would think. And that brings us to the situation at hand, all of you running away from what at first seemed like a fun little island which turned out to be home to man eating plants around the size of Thousand Sunny.

In the end, when everyone boarded the ship and you were far away from the cursed island, you all had to agree on one thing, the stop was much needed. The crew had been on the sea for some time now and the supplies you got from the last town were stretching thin, it had little to do with your long journey, the fault lied with your captain and his midnight raids on the kitchen. But thanks to the island you were now happy to be as far from as you could get, all of you had enough to eat for at least a month, well, according to Sanji, who was not only in charge of the kitchen but also of its protection from your gluttony of a captain.

Speaking of Sanji, you always had a thing for the handsome chef, even though you knew of his habit of flirting with every woman he saw. There was just something about him that didn’t let you sleep at night. One of your favorite activities involving the cook was watching him create various wonderful dishes for the whole crew.

And whatever he was cooking now was smelling delicious, the smell filling the corridors leading to the kitchen, Sanji’s kingdom itself. The whole kitchen smelled of herbs you could not recognize, similar to rosemary but not quite, you of course knew no matter with what Sanji works, he always makes the best dish out of it. And there it was, in a tall metal cooking pot was the source of the delicious smell, a rich stew full of potatoes and tasty looking meat. You were sure Sanji wouldn’t mind if you had a spoonful before he was done with dinner.

“You can be the first to taste my new dish if you want.” Oh, speaking of the handsome devil. Turning around you were greeted with quite the sight. The blond cook was casually leaning on the doorframe watching you with a smirk.

“So, I will be the first one to get poisoned from those strange herbs?”

“Oh, you hurt my heart, sweetness. You know I wouldn’t want to poison your or our captain.”

“I don’t think Luffy can get poisoned from anything at this point and anyway, we're talking about your cooking, there is like zero percent chance that it would happen.”

“Well aren’t you sweet. Would you then do me the honor and try my new dish, please sweetheart?” The blond seemed pretty adamant about you trying his dish and since there was no escaping his pleads you decided to grant his wish. After all, you, yourself were already itching to have a taste yourself.

“Of course.” You could clearly tell that Sanji was trying to act nonchalant about the whole thing but was eagerly waiting to see your reaction upon eating the dish.

Holding up a plate so you wouldn’t let even drop escape onto the kitchen counter, you took one of the spoons that sat on it.

“Oh, that’s my-” Sanji didn’t even get to finish before you already put the spoon with the broth in your mouth. “I don’t mind.” Your words seemed to resonate with him and by the look of it had a particular effect considering the bloody nose he was trying to hide. For some reason reactions like this, especially from the pretty cook, seemed to boost your confidence quite a bit. It felt nice to know you had such an effect on him, even though most ladies did too.

A moan ripped out of your throat, the broth was rich, the little bit of meat you were able to fish out onto the small spoon was smooth and just right on the fatty side. He did it once again, created something absolutely sense shattering out of almost nothing. Day and night you were proud of Luffy for getting such a capable cook on his crew just so you could selfishly eat only the best dishes in the world.

There was something different about this whole feeling though, you felt warm but not in the sense you usually did with his food. Sanji was capable of making dishes that would decimate the cold stuck to the crew’s bones after every winter striked island. However the warmth you felt soon turned into a flame in your lower belly.

“Is it good?” The cook was still anticipating any kind of review, a compliment maybe, with a shy smile, he was unsuccessfully trying to hide.

“Yeah-,” you were breathless, struggling to comprehend what was happening but you still moved closer to the young cook, “could I get-?” You motioned to the still bubbling pot, the plate and spoon held up for Sanji to take from you.

“Yeah, of course.” He smoothly took the plate and spoon from your hands and in one swift motion filled the plate for you. “I mean, dinner is soon but-” he held the plate for you to take again “, anything for you, sweetheart.”

His words woke up something in you, the flame turning into a blaze in you. This was starting to be embarrassing the more apparent was your state to him but still you tried to hide it. You knew you couldn’t take the plate from him, your hands were too shaky and sweaty, you were afraid the plate would fall to the ground the moment it left his hand.

Speaking of his hand, had you always been so fascinated with it as much as you were now? You couldn’t help but trace each vein, his strong grip on the white ceramic or the ring he always wore with your eyes. The moment you started shamelessly and openly pant, lapping on the air around you, you knew the illusion of nothing happening was shattered.

“I feel hot.” Your gaze started to fog over, still you could recognize Sanji’s confused expression. For a moment he stared embarrassed at your face before he turned back to the pot muttering something about spices and if it’s still cooking.

“Is it that spicy? Maybe the herbs contain too much capsaicin.” He was huffing under his breath, angry at himself for serving you something that was not completely perfect. He was sure he tasted it before letting it boil a bit, he was waiting for the taste of each ingredient to combine. However, he truly did not anticipate such a change in flavor, especially such a drastic one.

“No.” There was a certain weight on your chest and drops of sweat started to appear on your skin. But then you finally recognized the feeling. “That’s not it.” You couldn’t help but clench your thighs together, the feeling too strong to ignore. It was lust all along.

The atmosphere in the kitchen was thick, you knew Sanji saw right through you the way he stared so shamelessly at your chest before quickly looking up at your face. His embarrassment from his failure to deliver tasty dish soon too turned into something completely different.

“It's your problem too, you caused it!” The heat was spreading now, the tips of your fingers were tingling and your head felt like you were standing in a fog. The feeling was overwhelming you, almost paralyzing your brain. Simple thoughts were starting to be hard to produce.

“So do something about it.” It was also starting to be difficult to speak, to think at all and those words were the only thing you could muster enough power to say. You muttered them under your breath anyway.

“Wha-what?” His eyes, previously and again stuck on your heaving chest, finally met yours, widening at the realization of what you meant.

“Ok-okay.”

You never thought you would get into such a situation, especially with the cook. It was not like you didn’t find him attractive, he was. Blond shiny hair, muscular back and strong hands, there was nothing you wouldn’t like. You liked him too much on some occasions, just like this one.

Your throbbing heat was met with another rough thrust of his tongue interrupting your train of thoughts. You could already feel the bruises forming from the way his hands were gripping your hips, where his long fingers were holding you still. The only clothing still on you was your shirt, pushed over your chest with bra already missing, and pants still holding on to the ankle of your right leg, otherwise you were completely bare for the world to see.

Sanji was all over you, he was everywhere. His hot kisses were still present on your skin even with his mouth already preoccupied with your pussy. Your skin sweaty, beads of it rolling down into the now wet sheets, but there was no thought in your head of the uncomfortable feeling of the bed sheets sticking to your skin.

Your white shirt was pushed up over your breasts, giving Sanji the perfect view he could ever ask for. Seeing your hard nipples and tasting you was heaven on earth for him. Pulling on his hair to the point you were sure you would rip some but you couldn’t stop, he made you feel too good, your next orgasm was quickly approaching. His hands slowly traveled from your bruised hips to now the globes of your ass, gripping between it and halfway on the way to your thighs. He squeezed your skin once again, enjoying the moan it ripped from your throat, he could only smirk.

He could feel your release coming, your walls tightening, pushing his tongue out but he was going to win this battle. Spasm over took your body, squeal leaving your throat. The overstimulation was too much for your body but too little for what was happening to you, you needed more.

”I got you, don’t worry, sweetheart.” His tongue dived deeper than before, continuing his ministration of your insides. His motion slowly released tension from your muscles until the next spasm hit you again.

Panting, the words you had on your tongue slipped away into darkness. There was no thought in your head and if there was, it was all about how the young cook was making you feel good and how needy you were for the next release. You were completely gone, moaning, squirming wreck in painful ecstasy. Sanji made you see stars just with his mouth.

There was an intense stare, unmoving from your face that was full of pleasure, he couldn’t simply look away from you. And then you saw it, his own face wrinkled in pleasure. The only thing the young cook needed for his own lust to explode was your own pleasure and you loved it.

But he was not done with you and so was not your body. The moment you came down from your high the heat was already spreading out again, the never ending cycle continued and you begged for another touch from him.

“More, Sanji-” another moan ripped from your throat when he pushed you thighs over his shoulders, sinking right back into your cunt, devouring you again”- more!” He wanted to bring you close again but his jaw was getting tired. He needed to rethink his approach so he would be able to give you as much pleasure as possible without getting tired too quickly.

“Can I-?” You knew what he meant, you could feel his finger tracing your outer lips, gathering all the slick it could. Your legs pushed even higher, your pants finally slipping from your right foot on to the ground. Slowly pushing one of his fingers in, he moved his mouth to your clit, giving it attention it deserved.

This was the feeling you needed to graduate your state, to get closer to another release faster. The motion of his finger pushing in and out was increasing in its speed before Sanji slowed down again, earning him another tug on his hair and displeasing grunt from your lips. But it all had a reason, Sanji made sure to kiss your clit before slowly pushing another finger into you. Carefully stretching you out with two fingers he moved his attention back to your clit. One kiss turned into small licks before his mouth was attached to it again, vigorously sucking while he started to pump his fingers into you with no mercy. He could feel your velvet walls tightening once more, almost sucking him in before another loud shout escaped your lips and your body started to tremble.

The young man had to stop for a moment, the white ring that formed around his fingers that were plunging into your cunt completely hypnotized him. Not wholly aware he curled his fingers inside making you squeeze him even harder, another orgasm approaching fast. If heaven exists, Sanji was sure this was his, this was his holy paradise and if it weren’t for the tears, which he was sure was not entirely from how good he made you feel, he would wish for this to never end. But you were in pain and there was no place in Sanji’s world where he would overlook it for his own pleasure.

He already drew two orgasms from you but the ache in your lower belly was not ending. At this point you were sure you were going to die. You were going to die like this writhing sweaty and moaning mess this gorgeous man made you. It’s like he was made to give you pleasure, to make you feel good. Sanji knew exactly where to touch you to weaken the pain in your core.

With each orgasm given to you, you would think the ache would be substituted only with pleasure. However, there was no exchange, your body still whined for touch, his touch. You couldn’t move, all your energy was drained in the process of your satisfaction. And even though your limbs turned into jelly at least your thoughts started to finally clear with the last silent scream he could push from you. You had enough energy only for the silent scream, the air already left your lungs, leaving you panting once again. However, there is something delicious building up in your belly, toe curling and brain scraping feeling and if your mind could still function you would know this was the big climax and the end to your suffering and pleasure.

One last push just mere seconds later from the end of your last high resulted into another one. This time you were completely spent, exhaustion slowly overtaking you, still you couldn’t help but smile at Sanji who was giving you adoring looks from between his now messy stuck in eyes hair. If it was not the feeling you experienced this evening that you would remember forever, it would definitely be the sight of Sanji on his knees between your legs.

Soon it was too hard to stay awake, even though you wanted to. You wanted to stare at Sanji while he slowly got up and went for something to clean you up with, you wanted to stare at his blush painted cheeks and sweat stained hair now sticking to his forehead or the way his dress shirt cling to his sweaty chest but your eyes soon shut completely, just like you shut down the world around you and welcomed the needed sleep.

But if you did stay awake you would know how he slowly cleaned you up before pulling the covers over your exhausted self and if you stayed awake even longer it wouldn’t be only your subconscious deciding to catch his hand before he left, tugging at him as if you wanted him to hold you in your sleep. And for one moment Sanji was selfish and did so, he crawled under the covers next to you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you like the most precious treasure. He knew, in the morning he would confess his undying love to you anyway.

Thank you for reading. :)

Bonus??: Sanji didn’t mind he was still painfully hard, from all he had witnessed and done, all it mattered to his stupid mind was that your lust was extinguished for the moment and nothing could change his mind.

Well, maybe except for your slick stained panties laying on the floor right in his line of sight while he was blessed with holding you in his arms.

#sanji x reader #one piece x reader #one piece fanfiction #sanji vinsmoke #sanji x you #sanji x y/n #isa writes #sanji x reader smut #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #smut

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odditycircus-2002 · 6 months

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Medusa!Reader and Shang Tsung in Mortal Kombat 1 Story Mode Part 10

Spoilers for MK1 Story Mode ahead: Proceed with caution

You went with Liu Kang, Geras, Sindel and her daughters, Tanya, and the former Lin Kuei brothers who saved you, back to Ying's Fortress in Earthrealm. You made your way to the main courtyard with Sindel along with the two ninja brothers. Occasionally taking out any soldiers posted on guard duty, which included you turning them into stone before they could scream and tipping them over the steep cliff the walls sit on. When you arrived there, you followed Sindel to shut down the soul stealers when splitting up the group on behalf of Lord Liu Kang's suggestion.

There you did what you do best in combat, cutting down enemies with your blades and poisoning the rest, sometimes even using their stone selves as shields. While Sindel knows that even the Healers in her court are taught some combat, it's still a bit surprising to be reminded of your more violent tendencies. Although, you both missed being in one another's company even with kombat involved.

Unfortunately, you could do nothing as some floating hooded figure sent Mileena and Tanya flying into another section of the courtyard, not when you were busy trying not to get your head sliced off. Even worse, some soldiers were quick thinkers and used their shields or swords to spot you when you took off your mask. Fortunately, you were able to rely on the others, including Liu Kang, to occasionally help take out Shao's loyal soldiers in your blindspots. It wasn't too long before every one of the soldiers was disposed of and the soul stealers disposed of. You quickly rush to the women's side when you see them, already conjuring a thousand different scenarios on how they may need healing. However, what you weren't expecting was to find the floating hooded figure wearing the face of Outworld's late Emperor, Jerrod. Jerrod who has always treated everyone in the palace, including you and your fellow trainees, well. The Emperor who saw you, a young woman from nowhere, had great potential. When you saw that it is him, you gave a bow.

"My Emperor, how we have all missed you, dearly."

"You seem to have come far, Y/N. Please, attend to Tanya. I believe she may be suffering from broken bones."

You don’t waste time getting to work and luckily for you and Tanya, her ribs weren’t broken as much as some were cracked and internal bleeding. Both which isn’t hard for you to fix with a little magic. You’re also not surprised to hear from Jerrod that it wasn’t Li Mei’s fault for his death. But one problem at a time, all of you have two Sorcerers to defeat.

Kuai Liang and you lead the others through the maze of tunnels within the mountain until you find the gigantic chamber housing the Dragon Army. You had to swallow back some venom that threatened to spill from your lips, not noticing how a few drops spilled on the stone warrior you hid behind when you found Shang Tsung and Quan-chi smugly watching their animated army train for the upcoming battle. To think, in a past timeline, you would’ve joined them in their heinous crimes!

You glance towards Sindel in concern when Mileena offers to distract the Sorcerers so the rest of you can surround them. Luckily, the heiress’s plan goes off without a hitch thanks to her compelling performance that would’ve had you fooled. You sprang into action at Mileena’s signal, automatically going for Shang Tsung’s neck only to barely avoid a magical blast from Quan-chi, thanks to Mileena’s last-minute interference. Shang Tsung reaches for his neck before letting out a patronizing chuckle. Quan-chi smirks in amusement.

”For someone that appears to hate you so much, she seems incredibly determined to end you herself.”

”A most romantic gesture.”

You give a hiss “Will it still be considered one when I make you watch me tear out your beating heart?”

You and Mileena fight together against the Deadly Alliance, your hydromancy being the perfect counter against Shang Tsung’s fire magic. It felt good seeing the Sorcerer’s smug expression morph into one of fear when they almost repeatedly get bit by your snakes or you. Mileena managed to knock out the crown Shang Tsung used to control the Dragon Army during the fight. When the Sorcerer realizes it’s no longer on his head, you put one scythe to this throat and one to Quan-chi’s to keep either of them from reaching for it. Yet nothing could ever be that easy, could it?

You expected to see the Sorceress Lord Liu Kang warned about earlier, rather than another version of Shang Tsung and… You??? Your counterpart was lovingly holding the other Shang’s arm and wearing a complimenting regal outfit like him. What shocked you the most was that she had your features, but Ashe wasn’t wearing a mask! It also appears the Shang Tsung, you know, seemed just as baffled. Your other self’s gaze landed on you with such contempt that it threatened to make you curl into a ball. You let out an undignified squeak when she grabs your face with her claws, threatening to break the skin.

“I have to agree, darling husband. Even with our interference, she barely proved useful. What more, your poor copy lost this one to a bloody savage.”

She then pushed you away, causing you to stumble in place. You barely heard Liu Kang explaining what’s happening as Your mind reels from the information that another YOU not only caused your accident but is also MARRIED to Shang Tsung?!? And apparently, Lord Liu Kang once turned another version of you into sand at your request?!?

”Of course, I tried to make Shang Tsung in my timeline but it just couldn’t beat the original.”

Your counterpart gives a longing look toward the other Shang Tsung, who takes her hand to kiss it.

”So when he found me again, I was so overjoyed that I didn’t mind exterminating all life in my timeline. Not as long as I can be his side for all times.”

”Always”

You felt like vomiting at the two Titans. Your other self giggled when the Shang Tsung and Quan-chi you knew voiced their outrage at being pawns and left to slaughter. Titan Shang Tsung then holds the crown the other Sorcerers made up to your Titan Counterpart, requesting a kiss for good luck. She obliged, causing a venomous glow to spread throughout the crown from her lips before Titan Shang Tsung crumpled it like paper to control all the souls within it. They both bid all of you goodbye before teleporting away, leaving behind a dark alternate, Sindel and Raiden. You hold up your scythe to Shang Tsung’s throat once more.

”If I sense any treachery from you or Quan-chi, I will finish you both.”

Shang Tsung only gives a chuckle as he agrees that’s fair enough.

It would appear that all of you were facing foes more powerful than initially thought when the other Sindel shrieked to halt you long enough for Raiden to electrocute the ground. This attack causes Mileena’s serum to wear off and her Tarkatan symptoms to become apparent, giving her enough edge to defeat Raiden. But there was still the other Sindel to handle.

You always knew your Empress to be a force of nature, but this new one was entirely new! All of you fought her at once, but she annihilated you like you were nothing but bugs to her. This Sindel knew to use her hair to strike you in the head before your stone gaze could affect her, causing you to fall to the ground and hit your head against the stone beneath with a resounding CRACK.

When you came too, your ears rang, and everything sounded underwater, the world around you shaking. Your head feels fuzzy, and you distantly note that you may have a concussion. However, when the name "Sindel" is heard, your hearing and vision immediately focus again. Kitana was shaking you and telling you Sindel was severely injured. You swiftly get into action as you are led/dragged by Kitana to wear a bleeding Sindel lies.

You feel your face pale behind your mask, and your heart races before you steady yourself and narrow your eyes in determination. You first use water from your flask to wash away the excess blood from Sindel to see where the bleeding is coming from, then you tear open her clothing for better access. You bark for Jerrod to carefully bend Sindel's knees and for him and Kitana to talk gently to her and keep her awake. You then dig into your apothecary bag to pull out some pain-killing seeds for Sindel to chew on before you get to work stuffing gauze in her wound, and then more cause before attempting to patch her up with a slightly wettened bandage. However, soon, more blood leaks through and completely drenches it, and Sindel's skin becomes cold and pasty. It's as you feared; the other Sindel stabbed her in the stomach artery and lost blood too fast.

You've never been the praying type but you fervently pray to Deliah and Argus under your breath to save Sindel.

"I'll do anything asked of me and pay any boon, just please, please, please, save Sindel. Save my dear friend. "

Sindel puts her hand over yours.

"You did your best, Y/N"

Your eyes fill with tears as you are gently pushed to the side by Kitana so She, Mileena, and her father can be around Sindel as she takes her last breath, naming Mileena Empress of Outworld. Your hands are still stained with her blood. Although Jerrod absorbs Sindel's soul into his body, it comforts you little, knowing you failed. You reluctantly follow Lord Lui Kang out of the fortress, leaving behind Sindel's body.

A/N: I make no apologies. 😈😈😈

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fukurofanfics · 8 months

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Fukuro Part 8: Making It Up The Right Way

A/N: I know it’s been a thousand years since I last posted, but get over it. Looking back, I’ve noticed that this story has mostly been sexual content so far, next chapter picks up with more of the storyline as opposed to Kaito just fucking everyone. Enjoy! (Also thanks for 100 followers. Shoutout to @ggidolsmuts, his reblog of part 6 really helped me)

Warning: This series contains graphic depictions of violence, graphic sexual content, and adult language throughout. It is not intended for persons under sixteen. Reader discretion advised.

(Also, I’m writing according to what I think the characters would be like in real life, so they might not always be in character. Some character traits are made up by me, such as Jiwon’s affinity with computers.)

Chapter 8: Making It Up The Right Way

It was a while before Yiren woke up, she slept for a good bit. Jiwon and I brought her down to my large bed and covered her up. Jiwon went away and I stayed with her.

I felt at peace then, with her slumbering next to me and me sitting there with her, watching over her.

Finally, she stirred drowsily and her eyes opened a fraction.

“Kai?” She mumbled sleepily.

“I’m here, baby.”

She reached out a hand and grasped mine.

“Had a good rest?” I asked gently, scooting closer to her and laying down, pulling the blankets over myself.

“Yes.” She replied. “I was tired.”

“You came four times, I’m not surprised.”

“Was it four?” She chuckled softly. “I lost track, it was so good.”

“I know.” I said. “How do you feel about tonight?”

She smiled and snuggled up to my chest.

“Good. I’m all rested up.”

“You know what we haven’t done in a while?” I asked on a completely random note.

“Hmm?”

“Gone outside. Or done anything outside of this cube.”

“Kaito,” she said, in tones of a mother scolding her child, eyes still shut, “what are you planning?”

“I don’t like the thought of the risk, but it’s been too long since we did anything. We might as well while we can, before we’d be in mortal danger.”

I could literally (figuratively) hear the eye-roll and she smiled.

“What are you planning?”

“What do you say we go out tonight for dinner? Like, real dinner with actual people?”

“Sounds good to me. You sure we won’t get accosted by an eight-foot-tall behemoth with five-inch claws?”

I laughed.

“I can’t be sure, ever. They pop up in the most random spots. They can smell the toxin in my sword, they follow me everywhere.”

“If they can smell the toxin and they know it can kill them, why attack to start with?”

“They view me as a threat and want to take me out if possible.” I explained. “I don’t exactly make it easy for them, and to attack me is suicide. If they attacked one of you, I wouldn’t rest until I’d hunted down every last one or died trying. They’ve already taken my parents, I couldn’t stand it if they took one of you. They’d probably also hold one of you hostage to draw me in. They know I’d come for you, they’re very clever.”

“Well, let’s hope that doesn’t happen, then.” Yiren said.

Her soft, silky hair rubbed along my arm and shoulder and without a second thought I reached up and started stroking her head. She sighed in contentment.

“Maybe. I’ll see what the others think about it. This is very relaxing, by the way.”

I smirked. “It is for me, too. You know petting an animal, like a dog or a cat relieves stress and anxiety?”

“What, am I just your stress toy now?”

“Maybe you are my toy, just a different kind.”

“Oh, so I’m just a fleshlight.”

“Yeah.”

She snorted and slid her bare arm over my stomach.

“Well, since when did a fleshlight want to be used?”

At the same time, I felt her thigh slide over my own underneath the blanket. Some moisture was palpable closer to where her panties were.

“Been dreaming about that ‘usage’?”

She scooted over and settled between my legs, her back to my chest.

“Yes.” She didn’t even hesitate. “I was dreaming about you.”

“Yeah?” I said in a lower voice, sliding my hand over her leg. “What did I do?”

“You fucked me so hard I screamed out in pleasure,” she said seductively, hand slowly drifting towards my waist, further in. “I squirted all over you.”

“It’s not like I couldn’t tell,” I said, dropping my hand lower and drawing a gasp from her, “you were moaning in your sleep.”

“Was I?” She asked. “Makes sense.”

“It’s going to happen tonight.” I said sensually, teasing her already-wet pussy with two fingers. “You, Jiwon, and I are going to fuck. A lot. Both of you are going to squirt all over me.”

She did nothing but moan in reply at the finger swirling her clit. Seeing my opportunity, I plunged my fingers into her already wet pussy, and she bit her lip hard to keep from shouting out, as we could be heard. Among my feelings of intense arousal, it reminded me that I hadn’t seen Sihyeon or Hwang-ja since they had fucked. I supposed that would put an end to my plans to fuck her. I was not sad about not having to listen to Eun-ji’s words earlier all over again.

“Kai,” Yiren gasped, clutching at my arm as I mercilessly rubbed at her g-spot, making her cry out, “Kai, I’m gonna cum, I’m fucking cumming! Oh, I’m so close, don’t stop!”

Her words spurred me on and I pumped her pussy faster, bringing her to her fifth orgasm of the day full on and eliciting a muffled scream from her as she hastily turned her face into the pillow to stay quiet.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t really thinking about the here and now, I was thinking about Eun-ji. I still needed to talk to her, there was no use putting it off.

She was slowly returning to reality by the time I turned back to her.

“Sorry, Yiren, I’ve got to go, there’s some business I have to handle with Eun-ji.”

“You go, Kaito.” She replied, tracing her own abs with an idle finger. “I know what the ‘business’ is, Jiwon unnie told me what happened earlier.”

“Did she?” I muttered, getting off the bed and putting on my shirt, not that it would be needed for much longer. “Well, then you know what’s happening. I’ll see you later.”

My new earpiece suddenly filled my ear with the voice of Joonhon, my head servant and overseer of the entire bunker’s function.

“Mr. Kobayashi, sir, the voice activation in the elevators is fully functional and ready for use. We’ve finally gotten it to work.”

I pressed the speak button on the small device and said,

“Joonhon, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Just call me Kaito. We’re friends, I prefer to be called by an informal name.”

“Sorry, sir. Kaito.”

“That’s better. That’s great, I’m heading to the elevator now.”

Yiren waved after me as I stepped into the elevator, and the last image I saw before it was cut off by the doors closing was that of Yiren’s adorable face looking back at me and winking.

“Floor three.” I said to the elevator, and a small screen lit up with green on black text and a photo of me:

Kaito Kobayashi

Identity Confirmed

Floor 3 Access Granted

“Confirmed.” The elevator’s automated voice replied, and the elevator started moving.

“Good job, Joonhon.” I said into my earpiece. “Very impressive.”

“Thank you, sir. Have a good day.”

“You too, buddy. Pyeonghwa.”

The elevators opened to reveal Yurim and Se-Rim doing their nails.

“Have either of you seen Eun-ji?” I asked, interrupting their giggles.

“Yes, I think she went up to the roof.” Yurim said. “Said she wanted some time to think.”

“A bit odd if you ask me,” added Se-rim, “but then again, we’re all pretty stressed out lately.”

“Okay, thanks.”

I headed back into the elevator and after telling it “roof”, it started to move.

I arrived at the roof and the doors opened to reveal Eun-ji standing there, waiting for it to arrive to her. She gave a small yelp and jumped back, my appearance taking her by surprise.

“Kaito?!”

“Yes?” I said, taking a step towards the exit. “Were you going down?”

“Erm, actually, I was looking for you.”

“Me?” I said, truly taken aback. “Why were you looking for me?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

I stepped out of the elevator and followed her over to the couch. Maybe I wouldn’t have to do anything, maybe she would do it all herself. I knew what she wanted to talk about, and there was no doubt she was going to want to make it up to me.

“So,” she said, swallowing, “I wanted to talk to you about this morning.”

“Yes, I figured.” I said.

“I said a lot of things that I didn’t mean, that I regret ever even thinking of saying.” She continued. “And I wanted to apologize.”

I remained quiet, waiting to see where she took it.

“I’m sorry, Kaito.” She said, looking me directly in the eye. I spotted tears welling in her eyes as she spoke, and her bottom lip trembled . “I really never meant to say it, I know you do care, that’s why we’re here. I know you care more than anything.”

She got off her seat and wrapped her arms around me, and the sincerity of her words vibrated in my bones. I knew she meant them.

“Forgiven, Eun-ji.” I said into her ear, patting her on the back. “I’ll not pretend I wasn’t hurt by it, but I can’t pretend I never say things I don’t mean, either. Everybody makes mistakes, I can’t fault you for being angry. I know you didn’t mean it.”

She disengaged and sat back down.

“I still feel bad, though, even when you forgive me.” She said, voice choked up, a single tear running down her cheek.

With that she just broke down. She flung herself into my arms and started crying, and to me it felt like some kind of emotional dam had burst within her. It felt like an eternity that she sat there and wailed into my shirt, and I found it very hard not to join her in remorse.

It made me feel awful. Maybe I had been too hard on her this morning, but whatever it was I felt awful.

“I’m s-sorry,” she said, wiping her eyes on her shirt, “it’s just I’ve been so stressed and scared, and the thing this m-morning-“

She couldn’t finish the sentence and lost it again, sobbing into my chest.

“It’s okay, Eun-ji.” I said, making a supreme effort to keep my own voice steady. “It’s alright. I’m here, there’s no need to be scared.”

After a bit she fell into silence.

“I’m sorry.” She said once she had calmed down.It’s been so stressing since we came, I’ve just been keeping it inside. There are so many things I’ve just kept to myself, it just all flooded me. The thing this morning was the last straw, I just couldn’t take it.”

“It’s okay.” I said firmly. “Eun-ji, listen to me. You have nothing to be worried about. Nothing can reach us here. I would give my own life for any one of you, it would be over my dead body that the Fukuri would touch you. You’re safe here. As for the incident this morning; I forgave you. I know you didn’t mean what you said. You are an amazing person, and nothing you do will ever change that. I love you, and nothing you do will ever change that. Don’t keep your emotions away from me like that, it’s not good. I don’t ever want you to feel like you can’t talk to me. If you’re feeling down, talk to me. I’ve been through a lot in my time, I can understand what it feels like.”

She looked up at me, and the gratitude in her expression made me feel much better. She looked adorable, and her vulnerability in that moment strengthened our bond.

“Thank you, Kaito. Thank you so much, for everything. For spending your time, money, and effort getting us here, for saving us, for being so understanding and kind. You’re a really great guy, Yiren is lucky to have someone like you.”

Her words to me were more heartwarming than almost anything I’d ever heard. She sat back from the embrace on her knees and looked at me.

“So how can I make up for what I said?”

I returned her gaze, surprised. “What?”

“I said,” she repeated, “how can I make up for what I said? You’re extremely kind for letting it go so quickly and so easily, but I want to do something to make it up to you.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well…” she trailed off, and I noticed a blush growing rapidly in her tear-streaked cheeks. “I had one idea…because of the topic this morning…”

Understanding blazed though my brain and I was shocked, though it was what I came up here for in the first place.

“Wait - Eun-ji, you’re not suggesting-“

“Yes, I am.” She confirmed, starting forward.

“Wait!” I said hurriedly as she reached for my waistband and she paused, one eyebrow raised. “Stop, you don’t have to - I’m not asking you for - you don’t need to do this.”

“Well, that’s the thing.” She said, hooking her finger inside my pants. “I want to.”

What a change from this morning. A comparison from earlier, when she exploded because I fucked Yiren, to now, when she was trying to fuck me herself.

I paused. “You’re sure you want to do this? I don’t want you to feel obligated to.”

“I’m sure, Kaito. I deserve it for this morning,” she said, and put a finger to my lips when I opened my mouth to protest. “and you deserve it for being so understanding.”

“You’re absolutely positive you want to go through with it?” I asked in a last-ditch attempt to prevent it. I didn’t want her doing this because she felt compelled to because of this morning. I had to forcefully remind myself of why I came up here to start with. “If you go through with it, I won’t hold back.”

“Good,” she said lustfully, “I don’t want you to.”

With these words she yanked my pants and boxers down over my legs and to my ankles, releasing my partially-hard cock.

I took a deep breath. If this was what she really wanted, that’s what she was going to get, no mercy included.

She gave a yelp as I grabbed her head by the hair and pulled her face into my crotch. Her tongue nimbly darted out and ran along my balls. She had clearly had some experience with this. It wasn’t on Jiwon’s level, but still good enough that it felt incredible. She hadn’t even started sucking my dick yet.

She let out a moan as she sucked on my balls, rapidly making me hard as a rock. Now that we started down the road, we weren’t going back. I hadn’t been kidding about not holding back. I lifted her head and pushed my cock into her mouth, spearing her lips open and gagging her at the back of her throat. But apparently that was just a taster.

She got up, walked around to the side of the couch, slid off her skirt, panties, shirt, and bra, bent over, and slid herself over my legs in a position that highlighted the curves and rounds of her ass, hips, and thighs.

“I don’t feel obligated to do anything,” she said matter-of-factly, “but I need to be punished. And before you object,” she added, not even having to look at me to know I was about to dispute it, “nothing you say is going to change my mind on that.”

My objection fell dead on my lips and I sat unmoving.

“Well?” Her inquiry rose on the air. “Are you going to get on with it or am I going to sit here all day with my ass out, waiting for you to do something?”

I hesitated still. I didn’t feel like it was my place or my right to punish her for saying something she didn’t mean in the heat of the moment, especially in this way. But her alluring nude body was drawing me in like a fish on a hook, and I was finding it increasingly difficult to resist her.

She looked sideways up at me with a seductive look, turning to her pure sexiness for help.

“I was a bad girl, and shouldn’t naughty girls be punished?” She said, intentionally making her voice lower and more breathy. “This girl needs to be spanked.”

“You know what?” I growled, primal instinct as always winning the battle against reasoning and gentlemanliness. “Have it your way.”

She bit her lip and I gave her ass a hard, sidelong swat with my hand. She yelped in both pain and pleasure and I waited, seeing if she was alright. She gave her ass a wiggle, silently spurring me on. I smacked her three more times before deciding on a different method. There was a cabinet that happened to have a hairbrush sitting on it nearby, so I reached over and grabbed the brush, flipping it so the flat end would hit her.

She uttered a yell as the brush struck her, making her ass ripple on impact. I paused again, making sure she was still comfortable with it before going on.

“Spank me harder!”

I gladly complied with her shouted demand, smacking her ass with the hard plastic again, and again, and again. I lost count of how many times I spanked her, her ass turning redder and redder. She yelped and moaned and shouted out, whether in pain or pleasure I didn’t know or really care. Occasional cries of “harder” or “more” came from her, and I let my instinct hotwire my brain. My hand briefly grazed her naked pussy and I was shocked to see how wet she was. Clearly the spanking was turning her on to that point. Her body quivered and her hands gripped the couch or my thigh each time the brush hit her, and she kept egging me on.

“I’m about to fucking cummm-“ she moaned out, clutching at my leg. I tossed the brush to one side and slid my fingers down her pussy, ending on her clit and circling it swiftly. I ran the fingers back along it until I reached her entrance, which I slowly teased before plunging them inside. No hymen barrier blocked my entrance, so I knew she was not a virgin.

“Not a virgin, eh?” I said while she gave a pleasured whine, thrusting my fingers at a quick pace. “So you are a slut?”

“Only for you Kaito, only for you!” She whimpered. “I’ll be your slut, all of this is yours!”

“You’re fucking right it is,” I growled in her ear, giving her ass a hard slap with my free hand. “You’re mine.”

Something inside her snapped at my words and she climaxed with a scream as I jammed my finger into her g-spot. Her juices splattered my hand and coated my forearm as they sprayed out of her, and the tension relaxed as she fell limp against me, chest heaving.

“That was - fucking amazing,” she said, taking deep breaths, “you’re so good.”

I let her recover sufficiently before moving. I made her kneel on her knees, face resting on the couch. Her shining, sopping wet heat was facing me and I was still horny, so I positioned myself, lined up my tip with her entrance, and pushed in.

Where her face was, her mouth opened and a whimpering moan left it as her eyes closed in pleasure.

I slowly forced my way into her tight pussy, pleasurable resistance meeting me every centimeter of the way, until I bottomed out inside her.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” I groaned through clenched teeth, my head tilting back as the feeling overwhelmed me. She was tighter than Jiwon by far, but not quite as tight as Yiren.

“Oh, it’s so deep,” she gave a soft, blissful hum as I filled her up, juices leaking out around the edges of my cock. She turned around and gave me that seductive stare, biting her lip. “Now fuck me.”

Raw, animalistic lust was the only thing I felt as instinct took over, and I jabbed my hips into her as hard as possible, a wet clap resounding around the roof. She cried out, reached around, and spread her ass cheeks, allowing for further view of my cock disappearing inside her.

I took the cue and started fucking her hard and fast, going for pure power in my thrusts. Her body was like a drug, addictive and inebriating, and I leaned forward.

“I’m going to make you fucking pay for this morning,” I growled roughly into her ear, pulling her head back by her hair to let her hear me over her own cries.

“Yes!” She yelled, turning her head and looking at me with desperate eyes. “Make me pay, punish me! Fuck me like I’m your little slut!”

“You get me wrong,” I said forcefully, her lips brushing my cheek, “you are my little slut, like it or not.”

She gave no reply except a string of mindless moans, unintelligible whispers that still held more meaning than words.

I grasped the ponytail I had formed her hair into and pulled harder.

“Say it! Fucking say it!”

“Y-yes!” She screamed out, fingers holding the couch like a vice. “I’m your slut! Fuck me however you want, I belong to you!”

Funny how just a taste of my cock had reduced all three of the members I had gone after to screaming, moaning sluts who begged me to dominate the. Each had had a different way of phrasing it, but all had the same message. Make me your slut.

I let go of her hair and reached around to her bouncing breasts, squeezing and groping her and heightening her pleasure.

Pulling out, I turned her over onto her back, and she gave a disappointed moan before I quickly plunged back into her, the moan turning to a breathy, satisfied shout. I let myself rest on top of her, driving my shaft deeper and deeper with each thrust.

“Oh my god yes, yes, f-fuck!” She screamed as I bottomed out inside her. “Fucking pound me! Pound my little pussy!”

“Shut up and take my cock!” I groaned through my teeth, knowing she was trying to coax the cum out of me with her dirty talk.

She bit her lip as I gave her breast a slap, eyes closed and hands gripping my back. I felt myself nearing my peak, and she was lasting longer than I thought she would but I could still tell she was close as well.

“Cum in me Kaito,” she gasped into my ear, bucking her hips up into me, thighs flexed around my waist.

I let out a moan myself as her walls clenched around me, but the expression on her face, her eyes closed, eyebrows angled upwards, her mouth open, was what sent me over the edge.

“I’m - fucking - cumming - FUCK!”

I managed three words and one yelled obscenity before slamming my cock into her, as deep as I could, and blasting her walls with my cum, giving a groan through my teeth as one of the most intense orgasmic highs I had ever had hit me like a truck.

I felt her juices hit me, but no sound came from her except a tiny squeak as her voice failed her. Her nails raked my lats and her legs gripped my middle very hard, her entire body trembling in pleasure. Then as soon as it came it stopped. Her thighs relaxed, her hands fell limp to her sides, and her pussy relaxed around my cock, still rapidly pulsing along with her beating heart.

We only got to enjoy the afterglow of our passionate sex for a minute or so before Joonhon’s frantic voice blasted into my ear again.

“Kaito!” He shouted.

“Joonhon, what the fuck!” I said, waving away Eun-ji’s questioning gaze and rising from the couch. “What is it?”

“Sir, you remember Makoto Takahashi?”

“Yes, why?”

I did remember him well, he decided to devote his life to helping the Fukuri a while ago, and had tried to kill me.

“He’s resurfaced; he sent our server a message.”

“What did it say?” I asked warily, knowing that this couldn’t be good.

“He wants to talk to you, in person.”

“Tell him I said to fuck off. I don’t associate with dickheads like him.”

“I’m not sure that’s advisable, sir. He’s threatening you. He has the Fukuri on his side, as I’m sure you know, and he says he’ll bring them to us if you refuse.”

I hesitated. I didn’t want to see him, but by refusing I was risking the lives of myself, Everglow, and everyone else in the bunker. I couldn’t do that.

“Get the guards ready, Joonhon. We’re going to meet this motherfucker.”

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riseofamoonycake · 9 months

Text

Dreams of Days, Whispers of Nights ☀️🌕 Twilight, Time of Possibility

🌫️Characters: Loki

🌫️Pairing: Loki x Fem!reader

🌫️Warnings: mention of sex, illness

🌫️Dedicated to @hanaibae

🌫️

Even today, the sun hasn’t touched your skin.

Well wrapped up in the blankets and wedged into the bed, you still feel cold: a creeping chill that arrives with the fog and starts from your feet to go up your legs, belly and chest up to your shoulders and arms, forcing you to curl up on yourself and to tremble without end.

Even today, you are alone.

You don’t ask for much, you never have: you know humans can’t ask for much, especially if they are weak like you. All you need is a little company, that is what you want; but you know that everyone in the village has to tend to their work, the fields and the animals, and they can’t look after you until the end of the day. And still, the bitterness beats with your heart. And this disease doesn’t seem to want to let you go. Only the gods know who you have angered, and why, to deserve such a damnation…

Be that as it may, twilight is approaching: you feel it and you see it descending between one short sleep and another, while the sky turns violet and lets its colors drip through the fog and the world remains suspended between the just vanished afternoon and the evening that has to wake up… and with the twilight someone comes, approaching with quick and cheerful steps. You hear them gently knocking on the door of your house, then open it and enter. It is not the first time this has happened: after work, some inhabitants always come to visit you to bring a greeting and a kind word, some hot food and other blankets, so you don’t get scared when you hear them wandering around the house and, instead, you sit up, albeit with difficulty, arrange your hair and nightgown and welcome the visitor. «Whoever you are, come to the room. Today I’m a little better than in the past few days… but still I don’t have high hopes.»

«Y/N! I’m glad to hear your sweet voice, you can hear that you are improving!»

When you recognize that voice, you smile and your cheeks inflame a little: you’d know how to do it among thousands, especially in a village as small as yours… also because you haven’t yet met anyone, ever, who sounds as carefree and at the same time mysterious as the young man with green hair and perennial joy who calls himself Loki. And you are not like the others, who always remain a little distant from him, whispering how strange his behavior is and disturbing the fact that it is not even known where he comes from, since he has only appeared in the village in the last year: you are always happy in his company, for he always finds a way to make you laugh and never fails to be kind to you, as now.

«I’m afraid my torment will still be long, Loki», you answer him without let your smile fade as soon as you see the tall figure of the boy cross the threshold of the room and lower the hood of the cloak to reveal his face, then move your feet to the side so that he can sit on the bed, «you will have to be patient.»

«Y/N, Y/N… how many times have I told you that you don’t have to apologize all the time? It is not your fault, you didn’t choose what happened to you: diseases come and go and nothing can be done about it. You will heal, you are healing already!»

You watch the figure approach and sit down beside you, then reach out to stroke the back of his hand over your cheek. It will be just a sensation… but every time Loki touches you, you feel both an immense warmth and an equally penetrating chill in his touch: under his skin there is fire and the breath of winter, and you shiver even if you don’t want to. And not out of fear or annoyance…

«Yes, but... I'm a burden to you, who despite everything continue to take care of me―»

Loki silences you by pressing a finger to your lips, tapping them as he mutters a shhhh so soft it amazes you, and a slight grin spreads across his face as he leans towards you and peers into your flesh. «I am here to grant your wishes, my dear, so don’t worry, relax: you are not a burden at all. Tell me, rather… were you able to eat today? Did you have some sleep?»

You nod, then move your gaze to the blankets as if to call them to witness your next words, and involuntarily blush again. «Yes, I ate and slept… and dreamed. A lot.»

«Hmmm… seems interesting! Do you want to tell me about it?»

You hesitate for a moment, then giggle and lay your head back on the pillow, unable to stay sitting up. «In truth, it’s not that I remember much: they are only visions, images. In one I was walking on the surface of a lake and, don’t ask me how, I managed not to sink: I was suspended above the water and could see everything below me, even at a frightening depth. In the second… in the second there was water, I could hear it pouring, but I didn’t recognize anything around me because it was night. There was the moon, which however illuminated nothing, and that dripping and continuous sound, which gave the shivers. The third…» Here you hesitate, slightly biting your lip, then shake your head slowly. «I don’t remember the third at all. But it was nice.»

«I believe it», Loki begins, a laugh stuck in his throat, to then lean more towards you and get so close as to take your breath away, «but I’m sure you’ll remember it quickly… as soon as I start touching this young, beautiful body of yours.»

You open your eyes and mouth wide and stare at the other’s face, a few centimeters away from yours. A shadow is falling over it as he traps your eyes in his, and you are so entranced that when he kisses you, fast and sudden, you cannot even see the movement: only the pressure on your lips makes the fact known.

«You know, pretty doll… they call me by many names, and they are all real. Including the one you know», Loki whispers to you, taking you by the arms and sitting you up, to then wrap his own around your waist and press you against him while he stares at you with his face tilted to one side and an affectionate expression, «but I have never felt the same sweetness and respect with which you pronounce it. What do you say if… while I make your third dream real and lick your swollen, delicious folds deeply and penetrate inside you, you sigh it and chant for me with your beautiful voice? Would you do it for me, Y/N?»

You don’t know what to answer and you don’t even allow yourself to imagine that all of this is true, your face purple with a thousand emotions and your chest rising and falling faster and faster as Loki rubs his against yours, giving you the heat that you have not felt these days, and the most intense cold that your bones have ever known.

«Don’t be afraid, I’ll make you feel all the pleasure you have always craved», he then whispers to you as his purple eyes devour you deeply and a terrible, broad smile darkens his face as soon as he gets rid of the blankets and climbs over you, pressing you lightly against the mattress as he grabs your wrists in a grip. You can see his tongue licking his lips, but only for an instant; because then he leans over your ear and nibbles your lobe gently, slowly. «You know, my sweet Y/N… in these hours I will give you many, uncountable reasons not to want to leave this bed anymore. Didn’t I tell you before, that I’m here to grant our wishes?»

#record of ragnarok loki #shuumatsu no valkyrie loki #ror #record of ragnarok #shuumatsu no valkyrie #snv #snv loki #ror loki #loki

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accio-victuuri · 11 months

Text

CPN : cute dogs, missing lyrics, interview clues, evisu numbers, :01 & the continuing bottled joy saga 🫶🏼

it’s been a while since i made a proper post like this that talks about various cpns going around bxg circles recently so here you go. have some candy!

let’s start with a fake story that seem to be close to this video of zz coaxing cute dogs and him “complaining” about them rejecting him…

WDB’s run was around early feb to june filming and then this fake rumor was released january 2023 and it is ZZ complaining to WYB, it talked about when zz was filming someone brought an animal and it didn’t want to look at him. It was always facing away, ( kinda like these dogs ) and he said “ oh look at it. it doesn’t care about me”. the rumor even said he was squatting down, which is what he was doing in the video. even him saying bye-bye.

As with all fake rumors, take this with a grain of salt. There are about 4 accounts on weibo that labels themselves as fake resources and most of them post stuff like this. Just day to day occurrence between the boys. It’s up to you if believe it or not that these things are more truth than just coincidence. the fact that a couple of them turn out to be validated later on by photos/videos is a reason why cpfs love it so much.

( the cutest and goodest puppy 🥹🥹🥹 )

It’s so funny, these cute dogs know that he already has a puppy at home so they are wary of getting close 😂😂😂😂

• In BTF’s behind the scenes video, there was a part where he was singing along with his castmates to a Jay Chou song ( Sunny Day ) and he skipped singing certain lines. The one he sang goes : Once upon a time, someone loves you for a long time…

and then he skipped singing the following parts :

However, the wind gradually blows the distance far away

但偏偏風漸漸把距離吹得好遠

It's hard to love one more day

好不容易又能再多愛一天

But at the end of the story you seem to say goodbye

但故事的最後妳好像還是說了拜拜

youtube

BXGs are interpreting it as him adapting ZZ’s superstition of not saying “bad things” ( remember the boat scene in the cql bts too ) and in this case the bittersweet lyrics of parting from someone you have loved for a long time. An example of this with ZZ singing at Double 11 night and he did not sing the “bad lines” too.

You may say that this is just WYB not wanting to sing along anymore and he was doing something else, but as a cpf who believes in certain things— it’s very sweet. 💕 They are so careful when it comes to their relationship that they don’t wanna jinx it like this.

• ZZ had an interview for WDB and one of the things I loved about it was how he described true love as a flow of companionship. To those who are not watching WDB, his character had a childhood first love ( hongling ) and he described that as that fiery and unrestrained kind of youthful love. But the one he ended up with and marrying ( xiaomei ) is one that’s like a steady stream ( flow of water ). It reminds me of him and WYB. No. Listen. They might have started bickering and as kids who fell in love but it grew into something more steady as the years went by. It’s why i love domestic stories of LRLG cause it shows how their love is. They make the most mundane things sweet, it’s not always bit gestures and fanfic type stories — more often, it’s almost boring because they are literally living their day to day life together.

There was also a part where the interviewer was asking about his line saying “i will only miss you” to hongling and he said something like, he has thousand things he wants to say but ended up with that, the whole I MISS YOU being secretly said is something we CPN. both of them using “…” on their posts and when this comes up, it means i miss you

• In the EVISU video, the numbers are so sus!

13 (yizhan) 28 ( love bo ) 33 (zhan zhan )

and then below, that 23.

Don’t judge. CPFs are really just so sensitive with numbers. 😅

• The posted today and we think that ZZ missed the time. WYB is 18:01 and ZZ was 19:02! Maybe he meant to match and make it 19:01 but he missed!

• Here is a good place to catch up if you don’t know anything about the whole Bottled Joy saga — but this example is the latest. before this, they posted a video making green tea ( like the one in cql they shared i supposed ) and ofc turtles were cackling. but this one goes back to the cpf-friendly designs. they shared these two bottles for their 6.18 sales and we noticed that the colors looks sus. appearing to reference wyb’s panther and zz’s guangdian art. what a good pair ✨

-END

#Youtube #yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do #work has just been so busy lately but them boys and everything about em is my happy place so it’s my priority 😌😌😌😌#i’m always tired but NEVER OF THEM

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kaitolovebot · 6 months

Note

hi!! could you do a drabble about nondespair oumota on their first date 🥺

WOOOO YES!! Most of it is under the cut to stop it from clogging up the dash. THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST!! <3

…

Come on, come on. One more chance…

It’s been a long time since Momota has been this sweaty. He can feel it dripping down the back of his neck and pooling underneath his shoulder blades, making the back of his shirt sticky and damp. It’s not even hot outside, either; it’s late autumn, comfortably cool enough for Ouma to be donning a scarf. Momota can feel his oversized eyes searching the back of his head, peeking out from the dense wool.

So it’s not the temperature that’s making Momota sweat. It’s the rows of empty bottles in front of him, the massive plushie that Ouma’s eyeing, and the fact that he’s down to one shitty little plastic ring, nestled in the palm of his hand.

Oh, and that it’s their first date. That’s probably playing a role.

Momota tightens his hand around the ring, smoothing his fingertips over the grooves in the synthetic silicone. It’s old and vaguely damaged — Momota is neither the first, nor the last person, to be personally victimized by a carnival game. The glass bottles are motionless in front of him, and their near-identical openings give Momota the impression of being watched by a thousand eyes.

The only differences between them are that one of them — set firmly in the middle, too close to the others for any reasonable chance of victory — has a gold rim. This is the bottle that Momota has to land on to get Ouma his stuffed animal. He settles his gaze upon it, and winds his arm up, like he’s preparing to throw a frisbee. Time is running out; now is his chance.

Three… two… one…

“Jeez, Momota-chan, are you ever gonna throw that thing? We’ve been here so long that I’m getting wrinkles!”

Momota’s arm is halfway through his throw when Ouma speaks, and the ring slips from his sweaty hand, shooting towards the array of bottles. He knows from the second he’s let go of it that it’s over; the ring ricochets against the glass, clinking violently against the necks of the bottles. It skips over the entire middle of the square, with such precision that Momota feels like he’s being mocked, and tumbles between two upper-left bottles, clattering onto the floor.

“Fuck!” Momota groans. “Ouma! Come on, man!”

He whips around to confront Ouma, who looks so innocent that Momota almost believes he didn’t set him up to fail. He’s halfway through a funnel cake, which he’s eating with his hands, having long-since discarded his plastic fork. Momota would like to think he threw it away, but it’s probably on the pavement somewhere. Ouma flutters his eyelashes and sucks the powdered sugar off of one of his fingers.

“What did I do? Don’t take your shitty ring toss skills out on me, Momota-chan! Maybe try not sweating like a pig next time!”

“Sorry, man. Looks like you lost,” The carnie says, with a tone that doesn’t imply much sympathy at all. Momota silently wonders if anyone’s ever won this game. “You want to try again? It’s only 1500 yen.”

Well, 1500 yen isn’t that bad. Momota eyes the stuffed animal hanging from the ceiling of the stand, trying to gauge how much he’s willing to spend on this thing. But really, it isn’t even about the plushie anymore. This is about Momota’s pride. It’s also about the fact that if he fails miserably here, this date — and any future it would have — could very well be over. Really, it’s not even a question.

Momota’s hand is halfway into his wallet when Ouma’s hand lands on his arm.

“Hey, Momota-chan promised we’d go get lunch after this!” Ouma stuffs the last bite of crunchy fried batter into his mouth, and folds up the paper plate in his hands. “I’m starving to death! Just look at me!”

“I thought you wanted the plush —“ Momota starts. Ouma squeezes his arm hard enough to make him grimace, and Momota gets the sense that he should shut his mouth.

“Now, Momota-chan, before I turn into skin and bones!”

Ouma is already skin and bones, somehow, despite the massive amount of junk he eats on a daily basis. But Momota doesn’t want to say no, so he stuffs his wallet back into his pocket — in the front, so Ouma can’t snatch it when he turns around — and lets Ouma hang onto his sleeve. His skin is warm, heated from his meal. It makes Momota feel pretty warm, too.

The carnival music is loud, even as they wander away from the stand, but Ouma is suspiciously quiet. Momota lasts about thirty seconds before he pries.

“You were pretty insistent about the stuffed animal before,” Momota says. “What the hell changed your mind? And I could have gotten it that time, you know! If you had let me try again!”

“Okay, no. Momota-chan never would have won that game, and he knows it,” Ouma says. Momota scowls. “But that’s not the point! Cause the point never was to win! Dummy!”

“What —“

Ouma yanks Momota behind one of the stands. This one involves picking up a plastic duck from a pool of water, and looking at the bottom of it. It’s the dumbest, most inane game that Momota can think of, but Ouma doesn’t seem to want to play it. He crouches down and yanks off one of his shoes.

Momota’s about to ask him what the hell he’s doing when he unzips a small compartment in the side, and pulls out something small and soft.

“The point was to get this!”

Ouma pulls his shoes on, stands back up, and presents the item to Momota. It’s a small stuffed toy, shaped like a rocket ship. Ouma holds it by the little chain and ring attached to the nose cone. It takes Momota a second to remember where he knows it from; it was one of the small prizes, the reward for hitting any bottle, not just the gold one.

“Where’d you—“

“I stole it!” Ouma announces. “And you helped by distracting the carnie! Thanks, Momota-chan!”

“I didn’t mean to help you steal something!” Momota reaches for the stuffed rocket, and Ouma doesn’t stop him; in fact, he kind of pushes it into his palm. It’s cheap-looking, like all carnival prizes are, but it’s cute. And it’s a rocket. Momota looks up at Ouma, suddenly getting it.

“But it was in the name of romance!” Ouma zips his shoe back up; Momota holds onto his shoulder to prevent him from tripping. “Cause I got it for you. I thought you would like it! You know what space nerds always say; have your idiot date shoot for the big plushie, and even if you miss, you’ll land among the little ones.”

Momota squeezes the plushie, gently. Practically, you could definitely buy this exact thing for less than the cost of playing the game. But despite that, he’s touched. He wants to hang it on his backpack, but more than that, he wants to show his appreciation. He looks up at Ouma, and opens his mouth.

“Oh, God,” Ouma crinkles his nose. “Don’t get sappy. I can see that look on your face! I also just took it ‘cause taking things is fun. So don’t let it get to your head.”

“Right,” Momota says. “Got it.” His tone does not convey that he’s got it, but he’s not going to make Ouma backpedal further. He tucks the rocket into his pocket, very gently, like he’s holding a small animal. More than that, like he’s holding a token of affection — rare, coming from Ouma. It’s a little 1500 yen treasure. “Uh, thanks.”

“Whatever,” Ouma says. He suddenly seems somewhat bashful. “I wasn’t lying about starving, you know! If you don’t get me to a hot dog stand now, you’re gonna have to carry me. Chop chop, Momota-chan! Let’s get going!”

“Sure.” Momota says, instead of saying what he wants to say. He reaches for Ouma’s hand, again; their fingers interlace. Momota squeezes, tenderly, and Ouma doesn’t make fun of him for it.

Momota will figure out a way to return the favor later, whether Ouma thinks it’s sappy or not. Right now, though, lunch awaits.

…

I’m still taking oumota drabble requests! If anyone has a short & sweet sfw oumota idea, pls send it in my inbox and I’ll see if I can make it happen!! <3

#oumota #kaito momota #kokichi ouma #drv3 #danganronpa #this took me so long because i was so busy this week… hope it is cute and satisfies anyway <3 #thank you anon!

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snowberrydream · 1 year

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Käärijä @ Puoli seitsemän - talk show 26.4.2023

Here is an english translation/transcript of Käärijä’s appearance on Finnish talk show Puoli seitsemän for the enjoyment of all the non-finnish Käärijä & Eurovision fans. I have no clue how to screenrecord videos or put subtitles on them, but I can offer you a written translation :D (if someone has access to the video and can do that, feel free to use the translation if you want to, just tag me if you do, please). If there’s anything confusing or weird, comment or message me and I’ll try to clarify it

So here it goes, enjoy!

Käärijä @ Puoli seitsemän - talk show 26.4.2023

(hosts talking about generic beginning-of-the-show-stuff, introducing Käärijä)

host1: Today we are having a party, holding onto pina coladas with both hands (handing out drinks). These are non-alcoholic, I assume it’s fine by you?

Käärijä: Absolutely. It’s probably for the better. This time.

host2: And it’s tasty! You can try both of them.

K: Is this green one also a pina colada? (tastes)

hosts: Ummmm (unsure noises) we are also curious to know (laugh) But hey, glad you could come amidst all the hustle! You’ve been all over like a … a pina colada.

K: (sipping his drinks) (chuckles at the metaphor). Exactly. Happy to be here, thank you for inviting me. And amazing that we have these [pina coladas] here. I actually haven’t really drunk these that much, so thank you for this!

H1: They’ve gotten a lot more popular lately, the sales have gotten up. Have you heard about that?

K: Well yeah, yeah I’ve been told that there has been some empty shelves.

H1: Green yarns sold-out, green fabrics sold-out, (H2: green nailpolish too), pina coladas…

K: It’s indeed quite a circus that I’ve managed to create, but well, (shrugs) why not.

H2: And this is only the beginning, isn’t it?

K: That’s what I’m a bit scared of, really (laughs). That what else will people come up with?

H2: Right now you surely don’t have time for days-off, but when you do get to relax a bit, what do you like to do?

K: I think I’ll just snuggle underneath my Formula1 -sheets, take a little nap and think about absolutely nothing, if one is really able to do that. Or watch some series or listen to some relaxing music. But probably just be in silence.

H1: Yeah, there was a couple moments before the broadcast started, like a half a minute of quiet in the studio. You had like this serene smile on your face.

K: Yeah, I was enjoying that (laughs). I mean I of course like talking with you, too. But, when you are constantly surrounded by thousands of people, at some point it just starts to feel like you need a bit of your own space. As much as we humans are pack animals [=like and need others], too much is too much.

H2: (agreeing hums) Do you know how to take that own space when you need it?

K: Not always. Though I’ve been trying to learn to say no to things. I used to be really bad at doing that, worrying that what if I’ll upset someone etc. But now I’ve been learning, also because of this [Eurovision] that sometimes it’s just …Too bad, I just can’t do that now. That I just need to take that space (moment of realization) …And yet I still don’t have it (laughs). But, on the other hand, some things you just have to get done, and then you’ll take care of those. So… Let’s just hope that everything will go smoothly.

H1: The contest itself is about two and a half weeks away, but there has already been pre-parties all over Europe, getting people into the Eurovision spirit.

H2: Yes, let’s see how it was in London about a week ago. (cue a clip of Käärijä’s performance & fan interactions from London, Cha Cha Cha playing in the background)

(back to studio, hosts and Käärijä jumping and dancing before sitting down again)

hosts: You just can’t stay still while listening to that.

K: Even I joined in too.

H2: So much for resting.

K: Yeah, there it goes again (laughs). When I could’ve just been like (slouches on the sofa) for once.

H1: It happens to everyone! It just pulls you in, it’s such a banger.

K: Yeah, it’s quite enegetic. Though I’ve also tried to not listen to it a little bit, so that it doesn’t become completely (gun to the head -gestures). But I hear it all the time anyway. Everywhere (flailing hands).

H2: So, pre-parties all over Europe. How did you feel about those?

K: Damn good, foremost. It was so amazing to see people singing along to a finnish song. Hadn’t really even imagined that something like that could happen. Met wonderful people there, such amazing personalities, and the mood was great. It really felt like a family, everyone cheering for each other and no like, any disturbances, like what could sometimes happen in an ordinary gig, you know. Really great. I’m glad I went. At first I thought that I wouldn’t go at all (H2: to Eurovision, or…?) – No, no! I meant the pre-parties (H2: Ah, yes) so that I could rest, because they can be quite …demanding. Lots of interviews, travelling, waiting around and so on… And then during Madrid trip I also got sunburnt …roasted my skin a little (laughs) Oh well, I’ll have a bit of a tan now, no burns any longer. But overall it was really good, though also tough.

H1: So you keep a professional attitude about it all? Like, ’this is work, not partying, focus on the job’?

K: Keep focus on the job, yeah. You always aim for a win. Of course you must also remember to enjoy the experience, but the attitude is still like ”See you at the Market Square [= for victory celebrations], all of Finland”. I’d feel so quilty if I’d be just drinking and partying around amid all this, I might never forgive myself.

H2: People have been fitting the victor’s mantle on you [=predicting him to win] already. And on Sweden’s Loreen, whom we saw briefly in the video clip. How do you feel about the pressure of being a fan favorite?

K: I don’t really take pressure about it. In a way. I mean of course I feel like …I have that pressure, but, I haven’t really understood it, It hasn’t quite sunk in yet, because I’m just running from one place to another all the time. I haven’t had time to be stressed about the H-hour, because there is still so much happening before that. I don’t think that quite a panic alarm moment (slamming gesture) will happen before the contest, but some level of nervousness will probably still hit me, as it did in the UMK. But the moment you get on the stage, it’s quite an easy case from there on, in the end.

H1: Right. But hey, here we are, holding on to our drinks with both hands, but you’d actually need a third one, as you have also a cup of tea there in front of you.

K: Yes, and also a cup of water on top of that.

H1: For some voice maintenance, right?

K: Yes, as you can probably hear, my voice has taken some damage [he is sounding a little hoarse occasionally] but let’s hope it’ll get better before the contest. You wouldn’t want to attend with a voice like this.

H1: Yeah, but let’s not be too worried for now, as there is still time left.

K: Luckily there is. And we’ll make some more if we have to.

H2: Right. So, you’ll leave on Sunday?

K: On Sunday, yes. You all will be here celebrating May Day, while I’ll be packing my funnel cakes and mead with me and taking off to Liverpool.

H1: The fan phenomenon has caught everyone by surprise. It’s… I assume it has surprised you, surely it has surprised all of Finland, maybe Europe too. I mean, it’s massive!

K: Right. It’s awesome. It’s kinda funny, all the things this has lead into and like, the kind of people that have sent me messages. Like, world-class artists even from abroad and so on. It’s strange how at some point nothing feels like anything anymore. I mean, when you don’t have time to enjoy it, like getting good news about one thing, because another thing is already happening right after. And then comes another thing, and another and another and another. Because every day there is something new, cool and fun happening to me at the moment. I haven’t had time… - I’ve really had no time to properly process any of what I’ve been given. I’ve just, gone somewhere to do stuff and then been off to the next place already and been like ’ok you do that I do this’ (delegating gestures) and so on. I hope that at some point I’ll get some time to think about all that has happened. Of course I’ve enjoyed this, but…maybe not in a way that people might assume? It hasn’t been just living on cloud nine all the time, for real. Even though this is what I’ve wanted, and wanted to get my music out there here in Finland, and, now it seems to be happening in Europe and elsewhere too, so yeah…

H2: Fans have been running after you and so on… Apparently there has been some extreme reactions even? Someone had…?

K: Yeah, one person fainted.

H1: Where did this happen?

K: In Madrid (H2: so they saw you?). Yes. And… They all behaved really well, like, in Finland people just take pics and whisper to each other, but there – they’ll run after you. It’s really a shocking feeling when you step out the door and everyone starts screaming and (running gesture) they are running and then we are running (laughs). But, it’s not like …If you said no to something that they asked for, they were really respectful and nice about it [despite the enthusiasm].

H2: So, someone just saw you and just, simply couldn’t handle the shock?

K: Yeeahh. Though, sometimes I can barely handle it either, when I see myself in the mirror (laughs) (hosts laughing).

H1: The Käärijä hype is intensifying indeed. But, let’s add to that a bit more with the following clip.

(Videoclip about a family of real Käärijä superfans, where the mom had made Käärijä’s Cha Cha Cha costumes for her three sons and even the family dogs. the boys are dancing and talking about how much they like Käärijä)

H1: They are really rooting for you.

H2: Aww, such sweet boys.

K: So cool.

H2: They really got it down, dance moves and all.

K: Yeah, I’m speechless, honestly. Like, amidst all this there’s little time to pay attention to what is happening around you in the world. And then there’s kids like that… It’s truly amazing thing, thank you to them, really. All the best to them. And the parents too, truly tipping my hat to them for like, for doing all that for the kids. I remember back when I played ice hockey, it was my parents made it happen for me too, taking care of things so that I got to play. And now those boys want to be Käärijäs. Just, lots of love to the whole family. [He seemed to be quite touched about this clip. Either that or he just happens to struggle with his voice a bit right then, sounding a little quivering for a sec]

H1: Exactly. So. Käärijä is Jere and Jere is Käärijä, is that the way it goes? Are you still just Jere for those closest to you, or is everyone calling you Käärijä by now?

K: Ahhh, well, mom is calling me Käärijä now (H2: okay). I’ve had to sometimes tell her to stop it already, or that else I’ll adopt myself into a new family to have someone who calls me Jere (laughs). Just kidding, really, she’s just proud and excited about all this. But I hear it a lot, this Käärijä stuff. It can get a little dull, because sometimes you’d just like to forget this work stuff, when you are at home etc. and talk about other things than Käärijä and Cha Cha Cha and music. Sometimes it makes me wonder like, …what have I gotten myself into?

H2: A phenomenon has been born, indeed. Well, we asked for you to bring some pics from your home album, and you brought these two (pics of him as a kid behind a drum kit and him in his late teens wearing hospital pj’s appear on the screen). There they are… You could tell us a little about them yourself. (H1: a little drummer boy). A little rookie instrumentalist there. A little drummer boy, yes.

K: (looking at the pic) Yeah, I’ve enjoyed banging drums since I was little. My brother played guitar and we watched some Fröbelin Palikat [a finnish kid’s music band], used kettles as drums and and, brother had this weird thingy as a guitar. Then at some point I got my own drums, started drum lessons and eventually even taught my classmates at school how to play. My teacher assigned that task for me. But that career didn’t last, in the end. Wasn’t quite that interested in drums after all, I guess. But that’s where my sense of rhythm and all comes, surely. And anyway, where would you put those things in a small flat? Banging them in some apartment building, you’ll get evicted in a second. But, drums are still close to my heart and whenever I get the chance I do grab the sticks and see if I’m still any good at playing them.

H1: And then, how about the second pic (of him in a hospital cafeteria or some common area, sitting by a table filling lottery coupons)

K: Right, that’s an interesting one. I got sick with Colitis ulcerosa, I think that was the latin name for it. And well, I think that was taken around the time it was at it’s worst.

H2: So it’s a bowel disease?

K: Yes, my entire colon got inflamed eventually and I ended up needing an emergency operation to remove it quickly, to prevent the inflammation from spreading to other parts of the body. I was hanging by a thread, honestly. I wasn’t even going to go [to the hospital] at first, but dad forced me and dragged me in there. Packed up some The Simpsons movies and my pillow and was like ’we are going now, son’ and… yeah. Honestly the shittiest time of my life, not wishing that for anyone. But it did also make me grow a lot as a person, and I wouldn’t change anything for myself, I’m totally okay with this. I’m alive, in the situation that I’m in now, and it changed who I am. Of course I have things where to improve even now, but it took me forward at the time, regarding my values and such, I think I’m in quite a good place now. (back to describing the pic) I went to place some bets [the lottery coupons] to pass time, there wasn’t anything else to do. Friends or my brother sometimes came to watch ice hockey from TV with me while I was laying in the hospital.

H2: You are wearing hospital clothes in the pic. Did you spend long periods of time in there?

K: I was there for like two weeks at a time. Went there every now and then, had an IV drip and laid there, had some medication and such. But in the end the treatments didn’t work and had to have the surgery, remove the colon completely. So, yeah. But, it’s a thing that happened to me and one just has to learn – and I have learned – to live with it. It won’t destroy your world if a thing like that does happen, on the contrary, it can open some new doors, that’s how I try to view it. But again, wouldn’t wish that for anyone, or anything like it. Yeah. That was a tough time. Made a young guy think about stuff, how others are out there partying, going to festivals and all that, and I didn’t get to have that. It went on for about a year, and towards the end I just laid in bed. I couldn’t go anywhere because I’d be just shitting blood in my pants right away etc. I was just, bumping into doors, barely able to stay on my feet, so…

H2: And a year is a long time in a young person’s life.

K: It was, yes. I had to drop everything. All the sports I did back then. I was really into going to the gym at the time, had certain goals I wanted to achieve and was working towards them. They aren’t important any longer, guess they weren’t even back then, really, but it did hit me hard at the time, when I lost 10 kg, from that kind of body (H2: woah). I weighed 49 kg at the worst point, hemoglobin about 54, or 56.

H2: Rough numbers, truly.

K: Yeah, it wasn’t healthy at all, I was pale as a sheet. In that pic I’m actually still looking surprisingly fresh. Yeah, I was just skin and bones.

H1: And does the disease still affect your life today?

K: Well, of course in the way that I have to go to the bathroom more often, 7 or 8 times a day on average. But I’m used to it, it’s not an issue for me. I can hold it in – so, rest easy there on the other side of the camera, no need to worry that something might happen mid-performance …Well let’s knock on wood just in case – But otherwise, not really… well, I can’t eat spicy food anymore. That will surely destroy my mood and the pipes, so to speak. So there are some things, but I’ve lived with this for so long already that it’s just normal for me.

H2: Surely. Bit of a balancing act.

H1: Hey, you spoke earlier about how people want to talk a lot [about you], and we want to talk and everyone wants to talk about Eurovision, and how it would be great to speak about anything else, even about the weather. But now! Now we’ll talk about it!

H2: Yes, let’s watch the clip first, about a very fundamental question.

(a videoclip of interviewing people abouth whether winters used to be better in your childhood than they are nowadays :D Conclusion: it’s more a matter of childhood nostalgia and personal memories than anything else)

H1: Soo, Jere. Were the winters better back when you were a kid?

K: Well, yeah. Especially now that I’m thinking about all the memories connected to them. I liked snowboarding/downhill skiing [unclear which one he means] a lot back then, and i do feel that there was more snow and it came earlier, but of course my memories might be faulty and in reality we were just skidding on bare ground. But yeah, I have a feeling there used to be more snow and outdoor ice rinks and chances to build snow castles and things like that.

H2: Yeah, you must’ve been familiar with the ice rinks, since you played ice hockey for many years, right?

K: Yes, though with little success. But yeah, I did go swat the puck for a time.

H2: That looks quite proper to me (looking at pics of him in a hockey match).

K: Well, I’ve got the gear on and the puck in my control, so that helps (laughs).

H1: I gathered that you played quite many positions?

K: Yeah, I did go through them all, but none of them was my thing, in the end. But I have very fond memories from my hockey days, too. Though it was also like banging your head to a wall sometimes, too. That either wasn’t just sunshine and rainbows all the time. Very hard training at one point, and from there it swung to the other end when I was mainly just fiddling around. Like, training once a week and then playing a match. But yeah, spent a lot of time at ice halls.

H2. Yes, and speaking of halls. It was on the news today that your iconic green bolero has now been frozen and hoisted up to the ceiling of Helsinki Ice hall rink.

K: Yes, there it hangs now. Up there it went.

H2: An honorary gesture for the shirtless rager. To cheer you on.

K: Yes, my thanks for them all, too. And we’ll have a gig there at the hall in May also, so it was really cool of them to come up with such event. I guess they wanted to wish me luck and bring some joy to the people with a silly happening like that.

H1: And there’s also the positive side to it that it wont get lost from up there (chuckles).

K: Yes, it sure won’t. Unless someone finds a crane or something to get it. So I’m sure it’ll be waiting for me there.

H2: Your live performances are quite demanding physically. Do you think this (points at the hockey pic) laid the groundwork for that?

K: Yes, I’m sure of it. Like, thinking back to the time I was in hospital, I bounced back really fast and got back in good shape even though I was a total wreck after that one year. But when I got back to the gym and jogging trails I started putting weight and muscle back on quite soon. There is some, like, muscle memory to it. I can tell my sports background has it’s effect. That’s why I wish that also the youth of today would all have the chance to have hobbies. It’s not possible for everyone, but I wish it was, because it brings a lot of good, improves your health and brings new friends and so on.

H1: So then, like, most of us have only seen Cha Cha Cha from you at this point, but how are your usual gigs? How long and how physical are they typically?

K: About 45 min to an hour, around 12 or 13 songs a gig. And… yeah, they are quite a mayhem, even more than Cha Cha Cha is, some pretty fast-paced songs in there. You get to shriek and rage and run and hype the audience to your heart’s content.

H2: No wonder that your voice is a bit down, then. You aren’t holding anything back while on stage?

K: No, I think that if somebody has paid, whether it’s 5 euros or 50 euros for the ticket, I’ll give it my all every time. I don’t want the people to feel like I’m slacking off , came there to just collect some easy money, or that I’m not interested in being there. Because it is our shared experience, when the audience is there. I am not alone in there, but together with everyone, and it should be a party for all of us then.

H1: Of course. So, on Sunday you’ll be on the move, but before that a little time to rest, to spare yourself. You won’t be doing any gigs before the ESC anymore, right?

K: I won’t, no.

H1: Great. You’ll get your voice in top condition, yes?

K: Yes.

Hosts: (starting to wrap up the interview] But! BUT! Now, let’s put on some music, shall we? Just a couple little dance moves, pleeease. We can’t end this without a little Cha Cha Cha! So, good luck to you in Liverpool (K: thank you], but now, let’s head onto the dance floor (everyone running away from the sofas). Teach us some moves that everyone should know!

(chaotic Cha Cha Cha-ing ensues, until the hosts form a mini-piggytrain and Käärijä rides away from the camera view. The End.)

#käärijä #eurovision #esc 2023 #translation #puoli7 #euroviisut

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midnight1404 · 18 days

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Wip Wednesday: The offspring chapter 5

2177

It’s too early for her to awake but Taliya is maybe having the best morning she ever had, trailing behind a somber Walker like a happy duckling does with its mom, carrying her Barbie backpack that moves up and down as they walk down through the stairs until the fourth floor.

After her good job in the conversation with Vaykay, Taliya gained a little bit more of confidence and asked in that same night in the dinner with her family if she can visit the laboratories in her free time ( “I never saw a real animal.” She lied but due to their constant trips, her Daddy and Uncle don’t know that and Papa or Spider didn’t care to intervene). Jake wasn’t amused by the idea of his daughter going for her own through the base (Taliya still without understanding why, she always did it in Bridgehead) but Quaritch quickly said as he drank a sip of his beer.

“I don’t think there would be any problems while Mrs. Walker is with her.”

To be honest, Taliya had to contain her gasp of incredulity in the middle of the table when that happened, it was maybe the first and surely the last time that Quaritch was in her favor. But it worked, Daddy allowed her to go anywhere while is under Nora or Walker’s supervision, and for her that was enough to be a silent doll as Uncle Quaritch likes.

In the first hours of the morning, she was awakened by her room’s door being knocked repeatedly at a constant pace. She thought it was maybe Uncle Spider but when she opened the door, she found the blond man in his white coat, wearing a frown.

“Hi…” Taliya said weakly with tired reddish eyes and not knowing what else to do.

“Sully told me you want to see my main workplace.” Walker said directly, his tone telling he openly dislikes the idea but he doesn’t have an option. He checked the watch on his wrist and said, “You have twenty minutes to be ready or I will leave without you.”

Taliya didn’t need to be told twice, she quickly combed her hair until her locks got straight, changed her clothes, putting on a simple pink blouse with the drawing of a red rose, a pink jean skirt and pink sandals.

“Your other parent isn’t with you?” Walker asked her when she got out of the room, noticing how no one else was in the bed.

“Most of the time, he wakes up sooner than me.” She said like it’s normal, using her key to lock the door.

“First rule,” Walker says to her as he searches for something in his coat’s pocket. “Don’t get out of my sight. Second rule,” He picks what Taliya recognizes as his ID, a red credential that shines under the hall’s white light. “Don’t be loud, I warn you that I have a bat-like hearing. Thir–

“What is a bat?” She asks suddenly with her ears twitching, completely curious but it seems the human interprets it as a tease from her because he only sighs and rolls his eyes as he passes the credential through the reader.

“Third and final rule,” Walker continues his preaching, opening the gate and entering first into the laboratory but quickly turning around and covering the entrance, staring at Taliya directly and not letting her pass the threshold. “You don’t touch anything without my permission. Maybe Quaritch and your Father have the muscles but that doesn't mean any impunity if you break something and I’m not your babysitter, deal?” He finishes with an authoritarian tone but the girl doesn't feel it like that unlike with Quaritch and Jake even if the human is taller than her.

“Deal.” Taliya says excited, almost jumping when Walker lets her finally get inside. “Woah…” She softly murmurs, seeing how in this laboratory there are not only more subjects than in Bridgehead but also is bigger.

The place wasn’t just a room but a whole great hall, maybe with more space than the kitchen or the industrial zone, a place that is already enough space to put more than thousands of artifacts and subjects at the same time.

“Is enormous…” She comments to Waker, who’s going to the electric panel.

“That’s normal,” Walker explains, turning off the lights of sky blue tones, revealing a desk in one of the corners, a lot of crystal boxes with subjects of small size and metal cages that Taliya thinks are for bigger animals. “Before this base gained more attention from the military–heads. This place was specifically made for research and experimentation with the biodiversity of Pandora,” He says with a little bit of pride brimming in his voice. “From plants to humanoids… this place has everything we need to get to know how to use nature in our favor.”

#my writing #i'm you and you're me #the offspring #taliya bby #walker my child-man #recom miles quaritch #recom jake

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journeytalkzsp · 1 year

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The Super Mario Bros. Movie: From the POV of a fangirl (Spoilers. Duh.)

So my friends asked for this and I adore that they actually care so I made it!

I needed at least a day to relax and collect my thoughts. I don’t normally do movie reviews as South Park is the only thing I talk about on here but Mario has taken over my life this year and it’s somewhat thanks to this movie! Again beware of spoilers! I have a lot to say, some good, some bad. But just know I warned you.

Just to give a little background, I’ve played Mario games since I was a kid, with my main two being Mario Kart Wii and New Super Mario Bros. on the DS. I’ve always enjoyed the games and I became an even bigger fan after playing Mario Odyssey (which to this day is my favorite Mario game… actually my favorite game of all time right behind Bully). I’ll admit I was worried the first time I heard about a movie, especially considering it was being made by Illumination. But after seeing the trailer I was HOOKED LIKE A FISH and reeled into the fanbase! I knew the promos and trailers would spoil a lot of the movie but there was nothing stopping me at that point.

And unlike most movies, I really enjoyed the months of hype leading up to it! I had so much fun over-analyzing the promos and discovering new fan artists… and read some incredible fanfics imma be honest. And of course catching up on all the games I missed out on as a kid! All this to say that as much as I enjoyed the movie, the outside effect of it was even better.

Now for the movie itself! Let me start off saying that it was clearly made with love. This wasn’t something made to market more games or advertise Nintendo. This was a thank you gift to the fans, new and old. They also went HARD with the promo! Being able to actually call Super Mario Bros. Plumbing? Genius.

The animation was beautiful. The attention to detail—like Bowser’s scales, the decor on Peach's crown and the highlights in the characters' eyes. So pretty. I also really loved how expressive every character was! It was so easy to tell what emotions they were feeling without the dialogue needed to express it. When y’all rewatch it, please pay attention to the beginning of the movie when Luigi finally gets his plate of food. His reaction is so freaking adorable and I wanna draw it. The action scenes were so fluid and Mario and Luigi’s bond was shown through touch alone. I loved that!

Don’t even get me started on the soundtrack. They really put their all into it and I recognized so many subtle melodies and themes that took me right back to playing the games! The end credits music legit made my friend cry, hehe yeah I’m calling you out. Even the few pop culture songs that were added were very well timed and not overused! Also the Plummer Rap from “Super Mario Brothers Super Show” was a brilliant start, even if I already listened to it a thousand times after it was released in the promo. That song even got me to check out the show itself. Only episode one though. Watching ghosts lick Bowser’s feet wasn’t it for me. Speaking of Bowser, his ballad to Peach was absolutely amazing. Wonderful performance from Jack Black and he even wrote it too! Please watch the end credits if you haven't, there’s MORE!

But I’d say my favorite part of the movie was the characterization. I know Miyamoto oversaw the whole thing but I’m still impressed with how accurate the characters’ personalities were. Luigi was perfectly anxious, Mario was protective and charismatic, Peach was agreeable and assertive and Bowser was tough yet insecure. The dynamics were also great! I loved how genuine Luigi and Mario’s bond was. I also enjoyed Mario and Peach's subtle flirting that never gets addressed in the end (which is exactly like the games, I seriously love it!). I’m also super glad that it showed a bit of Bowser and Kamek interaction. Although I would’ve loved them to explore their “father and son” bond. GIMME FOUND FAMILY DAMN IT. Oh yeah and Toad wasn’t annoying! He was definitely the comedic relief but they didn’t overdo it! Him and his huge kart was my favorite thing. He’s just a silly little guy.

They definitely made it their mission to absolutely fill the movie with references and it was much appreciated! My personal favorites being the game cube ringtone, blue shell, cheep cheeps and the environments as a whole. I enjoyed the appearances of side characters like Kamek, Spike and Pauline. But I was honestly hoping for a few more like Daisy, Rosalina, Toadette and JUNIOR AND KOOPALINGS, DANG IT! You’re telling me they put so much emphasis on Bowser's sentimental side but didn’t include him being a father??? (Yes I know the koopalings aren’t technically his kids but Junior is and I was really disappointed at the lack of his presence).

But that brings me to the few problems I did have with this movie. And they all stem from the runtime length. It was WAY too short. And not in the way of “omg I loved it so much I need more!” No. It actually needed to be longer. I even heard it was supposed to be but things were cut? The pacing was too fast and there wasn’t enough time for individual character arcs. Don’t get me wrong there were conflicts, but they were resolved almost as soon as they began.

I’m also disappointed in the lack of Luigi content once they left Brooklyn. He really was just put in a cage for most of it, which is what everyone was worried about. It was cool to see him confront his fears to save his brother in the end but it would’ve felt more emotional and deserved if we got to see his internal struggles during his capture. I really loved that hot air balloon scene where he recalls a childhood memory of him and Mario. That! That’s what I wanted more of! I know there wasn’t much he could do in a cage but I was really hoping he’d be involved in attempting to convince Bowser to not go through with his plans. Or maybe even a scene where he tries to encourage the others that were captured to work as a team to escape or something. Idk man, I’m sure they could’ve come up with something good if they were just GIVEN A LONGER RUN TIME. They could’ve done a lot with an extra 20 minutes. I promise for the animators sake I would’ve waited months longer for this movie. Or they could’ve cut the dog and eel scenes honestly.

And as much as I appreciated them showing Bowser’s sentimental side (seriously it was one of the things I was hoping for the most). I really wish they could’ve done something with it other than just comedy. Don’t get me wrong, Bowser was so cute trying to woo Peach. He made me smile till my face hurt. But it’s clear he’s really lonely and rejected, and they could’ve done something a little deeper with that. When he told Mario that he ruined his chance to “finally be happy” the whole theater went “awww”. In the end he could’ve learned love from his subjects or his FAMILY. Sorry I’m still pretty peeved about that. Even something as simple as him befriending Luigi would’ve been a really nice touch but I guess I ask for too much. But nope they just shrunk him, put him in a jar and left him like that. Even main antagonists deserve good endings at times. I was kinda hoping they’d pull a “Lego Batman Movie” and force him to see that he’s hurting his kingdom in the process of his pursuit and he’d need to help in order to get everyone back home. Kinda corny I know but Lego Batman managed to do it with Joker in a way that wasn’t OOC. I was just missing the complexity. Still, I can’t complain about Bowser getting the shit beaten out of him and the classic tail spin move. I’ll admit I’ve always found Bowser’s defeats hilarious in the games. Please look up the ending of Bowsers Fury if you haven’t played it. I laughed for hours. I’m sorry Bowser but your pain is my gain at times. Also the large group of people who sat behind us had the exact same opinions, which felt validating. THEY ALSO WANTED JUNIOR DAMN IT!

The merging between the two worlds at the end was pretty unexpected. I honestly think they added that in there so that Mario and Luigi could see their family again. But the concept of them being thrown into a magical world and not knowing how to get back home brings so much mystery and excitement. Kind of like how it felt watching The Owl House and Amphibia. But I appreciate that it’s implied they now live in the mushroom kingdom and can probably visit their family from time to time. Now that I think of it… going back to Luigi… why on earth would he want to stay?? He was sent straight to hell the moment he got there and was put in a cage for the rest of the movie and almost died a gruesome death. If Luigi had more screen time where he befriended someone, ANYONE, it would’ve given him an incentive to actually stay, other than just sticking with Mario.

Overall I’d say the movie did what it was set out to do. Which was to give fans a fun, nostalgic adventure. I’m not too sure if one would enjoy it if they’ve never played a single Mario game. It went hard on the animation and soundtrack, the voice actors did a good job (especially Jack Black and Charlie Day. Hell, even Chris Pratt did a good job). It wasn’t perfect. It was definitely too rushed for my taste and I would’ve appreciated it if they had slowed things down a bit. Luigi is currently my favorite character, so naturally I’m disappointed we couldn’t get more of him. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it more on the rewatch.

I suppose I should format this like my South Park reviews for the sake of consistency.

So that means it’s time for the ratings!

Things I liked:

• Bowser. Every moment he was on screen made me happy. I love him so much.

• The characters' personalities were spot on!

• The facial expressions and character designs. Very pretty movie to look at fr!

Things I disliked:

• Too fast paced. Needed room to breathe.

• Kept asking “where’s Luigi?”

• A general lack of my favorite trope “found family” when they easily could’ve used it with Bowser

Should I do ship of the day too? Eh, may as well. Congratulations Bowuigi! That damn trailer spawned a bunch of y’all even though the ship is a decade old. Hope y’all didn’t go into the movie expecting too much. It’s alright, we’ll get ‘em next time boys.

Final rating:

8/10

A good movie that was loyal to the games but the wait for it was better. I’m gonna go play Mario Galaxy now.

…peaches, peaches, peaches peaches peaches 🎶

#mario movie #supermariobrothers #super mario

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dreamii-krybaby · 1 year

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Oh god my silly goofy brain can’t stop but hi again! Its been a long time I wanted to post this somewhere so why not here?

Thoughts on the show Murder Drones:

Heads up: I personally suck when it comes to expressing thoughts or ideas,so sorry in advance if I all of this is a mess or gives a wrong idea,all of this are just my thoughts and opinions,if you disagree with them thats ok! Just be respectful

So as for now I have watched and seen every single official content of MDs and boi its a blast of a series! I originally knew Glitch Productions from Meta Runner! Anyways

I love the series,but like with everything,it has its problems

The humor in the show was a bit too “on the nose” for me in the pilot,but the jokes have grown in me,and EP2 nails it with my humor taste!

As for the animation? Stunning but it does bother me a little but that is has a lot of problems with clipping,especially the pilot but EP2 doesn’t seem to have as many as the pilot. The clothing of the characters sometimes look…wonky? I guess thats how I would describe it?

And as for the writing? I feel like it has a lot of potential but it seems like thats cut short due to the fact that the series is going to be short (being around 8 episodes according to the fan wiki) and also with the amount of minutes episodes have (I wouldn’t mind having to wait longer for 40 mins episodes of MDs) so some concepts seem to has a really fast pace for me

I think my main problem with is Ns redemption arc,Now now put down your pitchforks please-

I don’t mind N switching sides since the pilot,its more of its execution…it felt a tad bit rushed

I would have enjoyed that before N spared Uzi,in the time they were bonding in the ship,bc at that time N thought Uzi was a DD, I would have liked if they talked about how they feel around other people. Like maybe uzi could make a joke or a reference on how shitty school is for her,how her people reject her,maybe that she is constantly alone and doesn’t feel loved by her father. And the both could bond over the fact they are outcasts and desperate of approval or affection. This could make N sparing Uzi as more of “the last straw” since he already knows how shitty people treat her,seeing her dad leaving her for dead be “the nail in the coffin” for him. Basically make them bond over their shared problems before Uzis spare.

I understand that Ns killing spree in the pilot happened bc he wanted to get rid of Uzis railgun,but he also wanted to take down Uzi too and he also killed a bunch of WDF members. If he truly wanted to just get rid of the gun he could have simply stole it and destroy it but he didn’t why? Because he wanted to “give his best” but I feel like that didn’t come to me after a few weeks of analyzing it (or maybe am stupid) So make this man show his desperation,show this cinnamon roll desperation for approval even if it means killing innocents,he wants nothing more but the safety and approval of his co-workers and the company to extreme lengths.

Anyways back to him switching sides,I want the this boyboss to suffer- OK OK HEAR ME OUT PLEASE-

N does show regret from all the mass murder,but lets make that shit even better. I want to see N having a existential crisis,I want him to be consumed by guilt by the fact he killed thousands,ruined countless of families and gave them insane amount of trauma.

I want him to deal with the fact he did horrible things and there is nothing he can do to fix it. I want him to be scared of himself . I want Uzi to be hesitant of befriending him,maybe even sometimes getting flashbacks from their first encounter making her afraid of N,making N feel horrible about himself.

I want him to go “well,I definitely have done horrible things that can’t be undone,but I can change for the better”

Like please it would be the perfect arc for him PLEASE-

And of course,I want to see some WDs still be terrified,angry,scared of him. Like even of he saves a bunch of WDs some of them will still resent N for all the damaged he has causes in the past. He could Encounter WDs who had scaped from him,family members or friends of the ones he killed,and they simply can’t bear to trust him which is completely valid

It could also be a nice contrast to Uzi’s arc,Him having a redemption arc and having to earn some of the colony’s trust and accept the fact that he can’t be trusted by everyone unlike Uzi’s arc which is literally a Villian arc and loosing trust of everyone around her that she slowly gained

Edit: Btw I am aware that N wasn’t malicious or anything and just simply following orders,this is more after he switches sides,like after he realizes WDs were actually innocent lil dudes vibing,all of this is more of a “oh shit,oh fuc-“ moment

I also want to see Js backstory,maybe a bit more depth for her,I hope we get a backstory for her and it explains her hatred for N

I hope to also see a bit if more Vs character and development! She wasn’t really someone I was interested in until EP2 (Damm EP2 was really a step up)

I honestly enjoy most of the character because they aren’t simply “good or bad” (except for J,lizzy,they are jerks. Thad is literally a saint. And also I don’t personally consider Khan being “bad”,like yeah he fucked up he isn’t malicious or evil)

Speaking of khan…I actually grown on him,no joke,let me explain

Yes he left Uzi for dead,which is horrible but understandable. The more you look at it my man was having a ptsd attack,he was shaking for gods sake,he probably wasn’t thinking straight. He also showed deep guilt in doing it

Yes information gotten from the backgrounds have shown he prefers doors over Uzi and in an interview he calls her a disappointment,which is horrible but some of his thoughts process are understandable or have changed (I think)

At the end of EP2 he does show genuine care for Uzi he just..sucks at parenting which can happen! You can care for someone and want to but your execution sucks ass

I honestly find his character fascinating,it seems (and I hope) that the direction they are going to take his character is from being a shitty father to improving as one

I have rarely seen parental characters who start shitty but later improve for the sake of their loved ones,which is super fun and can have wholesome moments

(Btw am not justifying Khans actions,am just telling you that they are understandable)

Also the ending of episode EP2 has shown that Khan may have some tension with N,which is valid honestly and I am excited how it will play out

Also we need more content of Thad,Uzi and N bonding together (I call them the TUN squad)

I also want Lizzy character development,please give the lesbian development like her gf. I only slightly like her bc of her funny moments and bc she is pretty.

Also am so sorry but the WDs school uniform needs a redesign am so sorry- like what are those colors??? They look fine by themselves but they don’t match with the color pallet of the students!

I also prefer Dolls hair color from her concept art or from the pilot,and I want Lizzy to have pink tips in her hair like her concept art

Also I know I want the idea of the boyboss going through a complex redemption arc but I need more Evil laughs from this man..please…🛐🛐🛐🛐 His short ass evil chuckle from the pilot and the teaser makes me go 🛐🛐🛐 (as you can see I am very down bad for this man)

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autocrats-in-love · 2 years

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Hey i was wondering if you could do part 2 for "a mile in your shoes"

Part 1

Witch doctors are pretty hard to come by in the modern world. Personally, the hero hadn’t seen one for a while. But the villain seemed to know where they were going, so they followed their enemy through the rain and wind, into a pretty ominous-looking forest.

“This feels like a we’re-going-to-get-murdered type of place.” The hero said. They stared at the spindly trees in the growing darkness.

“We are super powered Demi-Gods,” the villain replied ahead of the hero. “I think we’ll be okay. Aside from my back, which is really bugging me.”

They turned left at a tree stump.

“You’ll be fine. I fight you with it every day.” The hero replied. “But I was talking about how we don’t have our own powers.”

The villain pointed to a bush. A little light in the centre was making it glow. “That’s her marker.”

“Is this really safe?” The hero asked nervously.

“No idea.” The villain was already stepping into the bush.

They reached a hand out to the hero. “Let’s go. Your body sucks.”

The hero sighed and grabbed the villain’s hand, stepping into the bush too.

“What’s the password again?” The villain mused. “Uh. . .oh, I got it. Peaches.”

The bush opened up. The hero and villain were sucked into a portal that appeared beneath their feet. Before the hero could blink, they were in front of a cottage. It was completely white, sticking out against the dark foliage surrounding it. There were flowers growing along the perimeter, but none like the hero had ever seen. They glowed every colour of the rainbow, and swayed even though there wasn't any wind. Even though the home appeared bright, something about it scared the hero to their core.

The villain didn't appear shaken. They calmly led the hero up the walkway, to the wooden front door. They then turned to the hero.

"Listen," they warned. "She doesn't mess around, okay? Be clear with what you want, and don't mention her hair."

The hero felt sweat gather at their collar. "Uh-huh."

The villain knocked. The door swung inwards, revealing a woman. She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, with blue eyes and a look of boredom. She appeared human. Aside from her hair, which appeared to be thousands of bees resting on her scalp. She also smelled strongly of honey. She looked to the hero and smiled.

"Oh, hello. Back again?" She said. "And who's the friend?"

"Actually. . ." The villain said, raising their hand. "They're the friend. I'm. . .me."

The witch snapped her fingers, nodding. "Body switch."

She moved to the side, clutching the door. The bees followed. "Well, come in. I don't have all night to return you to your bodies."

The hero gingerly stepped inside behind the villain, still holding their hand. The place had shelves on every wall. They were filled with animals in jars, eerily glowing liquids in vials, thick, dusty books with ominous names, various mixing utensils, and countless other things the hero couldn't describe. There was a long table with tools spread across it, lit by an overhead bulb. In the middle was a cauldron floating over a fire--already bubbling with a blue liquid.

The witch pushed past the hero and villain. She was already grabbing a book. She threw it over the cauldron. It automatically righted itself and opened to a page. The witch skimmed the writing and turned to her guests.

"Okay, first off. How did the switch happen?"

"Lightning strike." The villain said.

The witch nodded, muttering to herself. She took a jar filled with yellow powder and emptied it into the cauldron. She pushed a wooden spoon into the mixture, and it began stirring.

"Nature of your relationship?" The witch asked.

The hero felt themselves blush. The villain's body reddened so easily. the honesty that the villain was an infatuation yet to be crushed was something they were not ready to face. They subconsciously unwound their hand from the villain's.

"Sworn enemies." The villain answered.

The hero watched as the witch asked questions, the villain provided an answer, and the witch ran to a corner of the room, took an ingredient, and plopped it in the cauldron. The bees buzzed angrily. After a few minutes, the liquid was bubbling bright green, and the witch looked worried.

"I have my worries with this one." She said.

"Why?" The hero asked nervously.

"Well, you aren't related, so switching will be hard." The witch explained. "Not to mention all the secrets you two are keeping from the other. Identities, feelings, names. They might come out in the switch."

The hero and the villain exchanged a glance. Oh, hell no was the general consensus.

"But what can you do? Stay in the other's body forever? It's the only way."

The witch shrugged as she scooped up some liquid in a jar. She walked over to the villain and hero, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you ready for what's to come. What will be revealed?"

Neither of them were, but they both nodded.

"Alright. Stick out your arms, both of you."

They did. The witch tied them together with string, and held the jar over the knot.

"Now, close your eyes and imagine you are in your body. No one else's."

As they did, the hero felt the warmth of the liquid dribbling down their hand. Then they felt their soul light up. It zipped around the villain's body, to their own, and back again. It danced along the string, and shot to the hero's head. It had secrets. It seemed to drop them, and they fell to the hero's tongue. Before they could stop themselves, they were blurting it ou.

"I'm in love with you."

Part 3

#hero x villain #villain x hero #writeblr #snippet #not a prompt

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duhragonball · 1 year

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Dream 9 Toriko x One Piece x Dragon Ball Z Super Collaboration Special !! (2013)

Okay, let me start with a disclaimer: I know nothing about Toriko and extremely little about One Piece. No disrespect to One-Piece, but I didn’t like this special very much, because it’s basically crammed full of characters I don’t know, and the ones I do know don’t get a lot of screen time.

So I wasn’t particularly excited to cover this one, and now that I’ve watched it, I can’t say it was a particularly great introduction to Toriko or One Piece. All I really got out of this were a few good screenshots of DBZ guys.

I’ve heard good things about One Piece, and I might check it out one of these decades, but I’ve also heard it’s over a thousand chapters long, and still going, so I might be dead of old age by the time I’m ready to try it. And I have zero interest in Toriko at all. For years, I kept having trouble remembering who the third guy was in this thing, and for some reason I kept thinking it was Bleach.

So this is a good old fashioned crossover, like Superman vs. the Amazing Spider-Man. Well, actually, all three properties are under the Toei banner, so this is more like an intra-company crossover event, like when the Avengers, Fantastic Four, and X-Men get together to do stuff. Or Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. Basically, in 2013, these were Toei’s “Big Three”, and they wanted to do a cross-promotion.

I never quite understood how DBZ got roped into this. There had been a Toriko/One-Piece crossover before this, but this one aired the week after Battle of Gods first premiered in Japan. So there was a coordinated effort to promote the movie along with the two TV series.

Personally, I have trouble buying into Toriko as one of the “Big Three”. This feels more like Superman and Batman hanging out with Captain Atom or something. And Captain Atom is like “Hey guys! It sure is historic that we’re all teaming up like this. The three greatest superheroes!” And Superman and Batman have to try not to roll their eyes at him. I’m not saying this to bash Toriko or Captain Atom, but they’re not on that level and they know it. I feel like I’ve heard One-Piece has already surpassed Dragon Ball on a number of popularity metrics, and while I find that hard to accept, I believe it, because I hear about it all the time. They made the theme song Krillin’s ringtone in Resurrection F. Every time I hear about Toriko, it’s always this special, where he teams up with two much bigger franchises.

To be fair, Toriko had a much shorter run than the other two. The anime ended in 2014, and the manga wrapped up in 2016. So maybe it just had a smaller pop culture impact.

But I think it might have something to do with the author’s history as a sex offender. In 2002, Mitsutoshi Shimabukuro was arrested and convicted for violating child prostitution laws. He was sentenced to two years in prison, but for some reason the sentence was suspended. So if it sounds like I’m not showing the proper respect to the Toriko franchise... this might have something to do with it.

Okay, so this crossover is organized into two episodes. The first part is Toriko Episode 99. The conclusion is in One Piece Episode 590. Apparently both of these are going to get an English dub when they air on Toonami March 4. That’s like next week, but I don’t want to wait around for that, so here we are.

Here’s the skinny: All of these characters live in the same world now, apparently. Just run with it. The IGO has organized a special tournament, with the winner receiving the Carat-Sized Cattle, a delicacy so tasty and precious that... I don’t know. I saw Goku eat a cloud once, so he seems like more of a “quantity over quality” kind of guy. The Toriko characters are all about gourmet food, so I assume this is to keep them interested. And I think Luffy is another hungry action guy in the tradition of Goku, so that’s enough to get him involved.

Anyway, the tournament is really more of a race. A large crowd of people enter, but early into the event...

A giant antlion or something shows up and most of the contestants get lost in the sand. Did they die? Who knows. All that matters are the characters who didn’t get slowed down by this, and they continue towards the goal.

Sigh... let’s go over the characters. The Toriko side, from left to right is: Toriko, Sunny, Rin, and Koichi Hirose from Diamond is Unbreakable I mean Komatsu. yeah, that’s definitely what I meant to say. We never learn jack shit about Sunny and Rin, so I won’t have much to say about them. Komatsu is some kind of chef, and Toriko’s sidekick.

I literally just finished watching this and I couldn’t tell you anything about these characters. Okay, let me try a little harder.

Luffy’s the stretchy guy with the hat. He’s the leader of the Straw Hat Pirates.

Nami’s like the team’s resident woman. Like, if there’s a Pirate Crime that they can’t solve because the clues involve makeup, Nami will solve it for them, because she knows all about that stuff. Also, she wants the Carat-Sized Cattle because its bones are made out of solid diamond, and she’s into money.

Sanji has a cigarette, so that’s kind of special, I guess.

Chopper looks like a deer or something. Maybe an antelope. I’m pretty sure he once teamed up with NJPW star Minoru Suzuki, so I guess he’s my favorite One Piece dude.

Franky’s a cyborg? I guess?

Slash (aka Saul Hudson) was the lead guitarist for the hard rock band Guns ‘n’ Roses.

Zoro is green and has a sword. So he’s like their Piccolo, I think.

Finally we have... fuck, I have no idea who these assholes are. Was Naruto in this thing too? Dammit, I’m gonna be writing this all day.

So there’s multiple paths in this race, so that allows the characters to split up and get their stuff in. See, my problem with this whole premise is that these shonen franchises have a lot in common, and teaming them up like this really just exposes this flaw. Most of the gags in this thing boil down to “Oh, you have a horny guy on your show? Well here’s the horny guy on our show!” Like, I’m pretty sure the skeleton man has a little more to him than that, but we’re never gonna find out in an hour special featuring 45 characters.

Also Vegeta shows up late, because no one even told him about this event, and he interrupts a showdown between Zoro and... Zebra, I think his name was. They start fighting each other, which sounds like a cool little side-thing, but this is literally all it is. The joke is that they’re fighting off-screen through the rest of the story. So tough luck if any of these guys were your faves.

Oh, hey, it’s King Kai. And he’s not dead in this, which proves that the original theatrical cut of Battle of Gods didn’t have him dead! The DVD release has halos on him and Bubbles, and I’ve known all along that Toei was gaslighting me, so this is my favorite part of this special. Anyway, he calls Goku about a Space Crisis, so Goku just teleports away to deal with that other, probably cooler adventure. Okay, so two things.

First, I really find it gratifying how they put over all the DBZ guys in this. There’s some semblance of parity between Toriko and Luffy, but Goku’s clearly shown to be on another level. They don’t even try to hide it. He’ll knock out a second adventure while he’s slumming this one. Goku doesn’t give a fuck.

Second, this is really, really annoying. Just show me the cool thing Goku’s doing in space. This little gag is basically admitting that the show would be a lot better if all these other characters would take a hike.

So Goku makes it back just as the race is coming to an end, and he still manages to catch up to Toriko and Luffy, so they all grab the flag together and it’s a three-way tie. But that just means we settle it with a tiebreaker....

So the IGO guy had prepared for something like this, and the stadium transforms into a combat sports arena. The last man in the ring wins the beef.

Also, Mr. Satan fell onto the stage during the transformation sequence, so he’s in this thing too, even though he didn’t do the race part.

So Goku works over the other two guys pretty well. I like this fight, but let’s not kid ourselves, much of this is Toriko and Luffy double-teaming Goku. They might have stood a chance that way, but then they turned on each other, and that borked it up.

Anyway, they all cut loose with their full power (except Goku who never goes past Super Saiyan 1), and they destroy the ring, so all three of them lose. Mr. Satan wins, because he managed to stay on the small piece of the stage that wasn’t destroyed.

But Mr. Satan is a magnanimous guy, and the Carat-Sized Cattle is enormous, so he decides to share it with all three groups.

So I think we’re into One Piece Episode 590 now. Everyone sits at this big-ass table and eats and talks about how great the food is. Cripes this is boring as hell. Is this all Toriko does all day?

Aw, look at Marron, she’s so cute.

Toriko says some BS about how eating with friends improves the dining experience. Okay, but I had an omelet from Denny’s this morning and I ate it alone and it kicked ass. Can I just say how absolutely goofy all these characters look when they’re in the same shot?

Then Mr. Satan says the exact same thing Toriko did about the power of sharing or whatever. Cripes this show is so damned redundant. We have like eight guys in orange-red clothes, and four sex pests and this is just dumb.

So then Piccolo and... two other people, confront the guy who organized the tournament, and they ask what the real purpose is to all of this. He admits that it was all a plot to get a bunch of strong guys together to capture the Akami, a dangerous sea creature.

I think the idea is that the Carat-Sized Cattle is so delicious that it lured the Akami up to the surface, where it then begins attacking all the superheroes. Each time the Akami nabs somebody with its tentacles, it absorbs all their power and transforms. Is this supposed to be a Toriko deal or a One-Piece deal? Who cares?

So the gang splits up to find it, because the need to capture it in thirty minutes to cure its victims. Unfortunately, it just gets stronger every time it nabs another one, and it even absorbs energy from attacks, so fighting it is pointless.

Toriko reasons that they’d have to hit it with a lot of energy all at once, so Goku proposes using the Spirit bomb, except that doesn’t work either, because the Akami sucks up the energy faster than Goku can gather it.

So Goku asks everyone on the island to send him more energy, which... I don’t see how that changes the problem, but whatever. The bigger issue I have is that we see a lot of characters sending energy even after they got drained by the Akami. So what are they sending, exactly?

So Goku launches the Spirit Bomb, but the Akami manages to hold it off, so Toriko and Luffy hit it from the sides while Goku goes SSJ3 and fires a Kamehameha at the Spirit Bomb to force it down the Akami’s throat. So that’s a cool variation on the Spirit Bomb. Nice touch.

And that takes care of the Akami.

So then they eat the Akami for dinner, because apparently it has legendarily tasty meat as well. So wait... they had Carat-Sized Cattle and Akami on the same day. Wouldn’t regular food just taste like poop after this? Maybe I’m not supposed to overthink this gimmick.

Then we get these really long pans across still images, as the voice actors read their lines. It’s really, really weak, and there’s like four of these in a row. Is this standard for One Piece? It just seems really cheap, especially for a big “event” episode like this one. Maybe they blew all their budget on that SSJ3 Kamehameha.

Also, they just show the same footage of Vegeta fighting those other guys, so that’s another corner cut. I mean, damn. I’m just gonna re-use the screenshot I took from the first half in protest.

And that’s it. I kind of hope they never do one of these again. Also, Mitsutoshi Shimabukuro belongs in jail.

#dragon ball #2023dbapocryphaliveblog #dream 9 toriko #one piece #collaboration special #i'm... not tagging all the characters #someone else do it i'm bitter

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jjraderftw · 1 year

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Barefoot Gen

Let me just say that despite it being violently graphic and downright depressing at times, I thoroughly enjoyed my watching of Barefoot Gen. I think the movie depicts a lot of tough themes which I’ll discuss in a second but it does so in a way that is very passive (as much as you can be with a WWII setting at least). I actually liked the use of vivid imagery because it shows the true colors and horrors of war and the open minded thoughts of people within Japan too: some for the war and other against it. This really showed me that there are always going to be different trains of thought regardless of where you are and that the costs of fighting are sometimes felt more by the civilians than anyone else. That being said, this movie obviously centered around WWII. The story was told from the perspective of Gen who, despite the absolute tragedies that he encountered, remained somewhat optimistic through the viewing making the scenes and events more emotionally tolerable. The movie was a platform to convey the absolute horrors of war. It uses animation to convey how the impacts of greed and pride found in war can lead to the annihilation of thousands of innocent lives. It also comments on the monumental damage humans are capable of, specifically nuclear warfare and the reasons why it’s banned.

Let’s begin by talking about the horror of war. It’s often in classroom settings and movies that we are informed about warfare and the “necessary evil” it’s often connotated with. These accounts are usually told from a very top down perspective or from the views of the soldier in war. Though many depictions show tragedy in the form of lost soldiers and battered corpses from gunfire, it’s not too often that we see the effect on the everyday lives of civilians. This movie showed how prolonged war efforts can deprive hard working citizens as far removed from the conflict as possible of basic needs such as food and water. Gen’s family believed the war in of itself was bad and wished it would end because they could barely make ends meet. Furthermore, the mental state of everyone is lowered. By being at war, the civilians are not only physically worse off, but mentally worn out. There is this looming threat of sudden death at any point which causes mental hysteria. Furthermore, the lack of knowledge on when this war will end leaves many unsettled. And this is all without considering the actual bomb dropped on Hiroshima.

When the bomb dropped, it displayed to the audience the absolute destruction of war. All of the people of Hiroshima, despite having little to nothing to do with the war, vanquished in the blink of an eye. Imagine this: Your country goes to war over something you don’t agree with and you happen to live in that country because you have your entire life. Suddenly, as you’re playing with your child, all your family gets killed as a message by the opposing side. You just lost everything you cared for over something you didn’t care for and did not agree with. It’s an unfair cost. This is very much what occured in WWII. Though these people were innocent, they were put through literal hell. They were burnt alive, melted, blown apart, and poisoned for the rationale of “sending a message.” The bomb made these already suffering people lose more than their food. It made human lives that have equal value to the bombers suffer, all to strike back at the ones involved in the war (who were not even part of the bombing). Gen’s family’s death and the corpses seen through the movie remind us of the destructive potential of humans and why that type of warfare (even in international conflicts where countries are at each other's throats) have been outlawed. No one should suffer in that manner, especially innocent lives.

Another topic covered by the movie is human pride and greed. I’m not going to touch upon who was “right and wrong” in the case of WWII because in war such concepts are often not black and white, however, at this point in the war it was pretty evident that the United States was very mad and serious about their lethality after the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Threats were made to the Japanese government warning of impending doom given they did not surrender. Calling their bluff, they refused to give up and Hiroshima was bombed as a result. Even after this massive explosion, Japan refused to surrender (btw 100,000+ lives were killed instantly). Another threat was made and since Japan did not adhere to the warning, another atomic bomb was dropped in Nagasaki. The refusal to give up and the disregard for human lives shows the pride involved in war. The people in charge played and gambled with the lives of innocent individuals who had nothing to do with the war. They were more focused on “winning the war” and being a global power than protecting the people it claimed to have been protecting. The war leaders in charge used the people of Hiroshima and Nagasaki as pawns. Even after those thousands of lives were lost, they refused to surrender despite being at the mercy of another bomb. But since those in power were directly attacked, they didn’t give up. Furthermore, those in Japan who didn’t agree with the war were labeled as criminals and traitors despite them feeling the effects of warfare firsthand. This shows the one sided mentality of “you’re either with us or against us” even for situations that are sinking ships or horribly unethical. I think it’s important to understand the value of a human life and to know when enough is enough, a concept often forgotten in war.

Overall the movie was very good and talked about its theme well. The part where Gen and his mother dug up their family’s skulls was heartbreaking and really put in perspective the agony people went through. It’s an eye opening film I would definitely recommend given you aren’t easily disturbed.

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nagabajuungu · 3 months

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Movie Review ― Creation of the Gods I: Kingdom of Storms

I’m not familiar with Investiture of the Gods story, either in the form of literary work, movie, TV series/webdrama, animation or any other. I know, more or less, the figure of Nezha, but that is all. So, watching this movie, I’m not even sure I have something to say about it, much less any critical comment. But, at the very least, I have some things in my mind.

Going blindly into it, I thanked God there is an introductory narrative at the beginning; and in only a few words it succeeds in delivering what the audience generally need to know. The first scene is also very clever and beautifully shown: a flake of snow falling from the sky and landing on the eye of a dead soldier―surrounding him are piles of more dead bodies, behind him is the gate to Jizhou, whose lord Su Hu rebels against the King of Shang and thus has to face thousands and thousands of Shang dynasty soldiers led by the King’s second son, Yin Shou.

So the movie actually starts with the battle between Jizhou and Shang grandly shot with snow, rain of arrows, fire and loud, heart-pumping music at the background. It pauses a little bit to ‘introduce’ the relationship between Yin Shou and his son Yin Jiao, and between Yin Jiao and his best friend Ji Fa (our main character and narrator) who not only ride side by side but also cover up each other before their commander. And then the battle continues with more loud music and more fire but with, much to my disappointment, shorter screen time and slowly progresses to a more individual fight. The scene at the Xuanyuan Tomb, though, leads the audience to the point at which we all kind of have expected it turns―the appearance of Su Daji and what her character has to offer in the next phase after collapsing in front of our ‘hero’.

If you think this introductory scenes run too hasty and are too packed, well, I don’t think there was anything the director could do since they already have a more-than-two-hours-long output whereas they have to tell the audience a more-or-less whole and understandable story. It only slows a bit down when everything and everybody moves back to Zhao Ge, but still, the death of both the King and the first prince is all of a sudden. The plot moves forward as fast and steady as the horses’ gallops in the battlefield, but at times it is too fast that we are made breathless with so many details jammed tightly into the ‘short’ duration. And often times the editing (I seriously don’t get how it could win an award in best editing category) is so jarring we start to think there are some things missing in the middle (and yes, they cut a lot of scenes). Watching this movie is painfully like being thrown information after information continuously just so we can see the big picture but not more. Even the friendship between Yin Jiao and Ji Fa (the very foundation of the entire story through to the still-unreleased two sequels) is not shown quite properly due to the cutting. Even if the audience ship them, the CP feeling is not anywhere in the air until Ji Fa saves the escaping Yin Jiao and, before running through the water channel, Yin Jiao touches Ji Fa’s hand and says, “If you let me go, what about you?”; and that’s way too late already.

The look, the visual, the CGI do not help, either. The first time I watched it I almost laughed out loud at the setting of the court in Zhao Ge, which looks so old and raw and cheap. I can understand that this movie is five years old already, but still, even a Chinese webdrama/TV series could look so much better in 2018. Unless you can have some laxity and think that’s how the palace of the Shang dynasty should look like, then you won’t care too much about it. And the CGI is the worst, really such a shame for such a grand of a movie―especially when Nezha, riding on his fire wheels, saves the working slaves and Yang Jian fights off the swarming Shang soldiers to escape from the palace.

Despite all those shortcomings, thankfully, the cast was very well chosen for each and every role. People might raise their eyebrows at Wuershan’s decision to hire new, inexperienced, young actors to play most of the important characters; but that decision has proven right and the best. The highlight here is, of course, Naran who plays the new version of Su Daji. She does not only offer you a stunning beauty, but most importantly an impeccable acting performance: her eyes, her expressions, her gestures, are all on point! The second one I want to put under the spotlight is Yu Shi. He came to the training camp being clueless most of the time, but his natural talent surprisingly shines brightly on screen. He can portray very well the ‘innocent’, good-natured Ji Fa who is not really sure where to put his loyalty: his own father, or the king he whole-heartedly and blindly admires. And when he finally realizes he has been brainwashed he doesn’t lose that 'good boy' look on his face, only looking more mature and determined.

The third point I want to make here is, of course, Chen Muchi playing Yin Jiao, the second most important young character in the movie. He was actually not the best trainee at the training camp, and particularly not the best in the Yin Jiao group. He was very good at physical training, that goes without saying since he was once a soldier, but not much at acting or any other art department. I even almost believe Wuershan picked him to play Yin Jiao merely because, if you have an insanely well-built, damn fucking hot father, then you have to have a son who looks so, too. The father-and-son aura is also there: just put them together in one frame (e.g. their appearance at the Milan Fashion Week) and you will believe that they are truly father and son in real life. He had tried his best during the shooting, and we can see the result on screen, but still. He has improved now, though, and is so much better in The Starry Love (2023) and South Sea Tomb (2023), both of which are his projects years after completing this movie. That can only mean he is willing to learn again and again. And if he keeps going, I don’t doubt he will become a very good actor in the future. He is like a sword still being forged and waiting to be brandished at an opportune time.

Young actors aside, the reliable, senior actors are there to save the day. Li Xuejian! Fei Xiang! Yuan Quan! And without Huang Bo this movie will not be what it is now. He, as Jiang Ziya, is not only the true ‘carrier’ of the whole story, but his comic character and sense of humor bring light to the dark narrative so the audience won’t be ridiculously stressful for two and a half hours. Yuan Quan as the Queen, however, is the one whose character I liked the most. When everybody is literally clueless about the reigning King’s questionable character and that there is actually something wrong, the Queen can already see through it all. She is a determined, knows-what-she-is-doing kind of woman; and she dares, and is willing, to challenge the King to set the wrong things right.

Honestly speaking, I am not a fan of Wuershan. I watched Painted Skin 2 (2012), which was also directed by him, and it was such a huge disappointment for me compared to the first one. Watching Creation of the Gods I: Kingdom of Storms, I honestly think it will never EVER be one of my favorite movies. Perhaps because it’s a fantasy, and I’m not a fan of the genre; or perhaps because of the story itself. I strangely kind of enjoyed it, and have watched it four times for a different reason each. I am looking forward to the upcoming sequel now, but once it gets too fantastical and involves too many god plotlines instead of human ones, then I may just raise my eyebrows and go on with another stuff―which will very much likely be.

What I very much appreciate about this movie is the a-lot-of effort and love and sincerity they put into it. You can see those in how they tried so hard to present you with a good and logical story (though quite awkward due to the editing), how they tried so hard to give you grand action scenes (though very much awkward due to horrible CGI) and how they trained so hard the new, young actors from scratch for six months in a comprehensive training camp. They didn’t even care if they had to wait for five years to be able to release it in theaters. This is not a movie, this is a token of love.

And that love goes beyond everything for they, after five years of hibernation and finally releasing the first installment, went on and reshot some scenes for the last one. People say this movie is a rare product of Chinese cinema, but I’d say it’s a rare gem treated with so much care. Although I wouldn’t say it’s a particularly great movie in every aspect, it’s the result of superb craftmanship with love and hard work, and needs to be appreciated more than anything else.

Rating: 8.5/10

#fengshen #creation of the gods #kingdom of storms #chinese movie #封神第一部：朝歌风云 #封神

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mariacallous · 1 year

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Appalling news for exotic animal genitalia, as it is revealed that former health secretary Matt Hancock will be going into the I’m a Celeb jungle. I know: it’s simultaneously the very last thing you want to see, and also ALL you want to see. To any Guardian readers prompted to email me with something along the lines of “actually I wouldn’t dream of seeing this”, do please take the following column as a thank you for your message, but also understand that it could be December before I am able to formally get back to you. I find that in November, I will mostly be watching Matt Hancock on I’m a Celebrity.

The details as we have them are thus: as the ITV series launches on Sunday night, Hancock will materialise in the Australian bush, having either arrived by air or simply passed through a haunted dunny. In terms of Matt’s long but remorseless journey towards being prime minister, this is probably his equivalent of Churchill’s stint in the second Boer war. That said, he has immediately lost the Tory whip. But maybe he’ll find something much more precious – himself.

He will certainly take part in a series of challenges and trials with campmates including Mike Tindall, Boy George, Corrie’s Sue Cleaver, Loose Women’s Charlene White, and a load of other people who didn’t lecture you like a try-hard PSHE teacher for the whole of 2020 and half of 2021 while tens of thousands of people died needlessly on his watch. A source close to Hancock told the Guardian that the serving MP has been considering the show’s offer for a while, but only feels able to do it now because “the government is stable”. Amazing. For a while back there, it was clear things were so bad they couldn’t withstand the market-moving spectacle of Boy George mugging him off round the campfire, while Matt covered his mic and hissed: “Please, think of what this will do to gilt yields!” But now things are so bad it literally doesn’t even matter.

In terms of the various tried-and-tested I’m a Celeb gameplans open to Matt, I’m trying to think of what would be the most banter outcome. Then again, it’s all banter, isn’t it? The second the genius behind the “CARE” badge got on the flight to Queensland, we already reached banter nirvana. Hang on, wait: there is one way this could go supra-banter. Specifically, Hancock could do that little introductory piece to camera all the contestants do, and keep a big reveal till the end. “Hi, I’m Matt. I’m 44, I’m an MP – quite random, I know! – and I’m here to maximise growth. Personal growth. Anything else? Oh yeah – newly single. I’m not looking for love, but … I’m not not looking for it either?”

Like I say, that’s just storyboarding and not in-game footage. There is absolutely no suggestion Matt has recently parted company with former spad-u-like Gina Coladangelo, nor that he will be pictured in a clinch against the Bush Telegraph door with Love Island alumna Olivia Attwood. But look: if it does happen, I am available to go on any number of wanky news programmes and discuss “what it says about British politics”. I truly adore these studio-based think-pieces, in which no one is ever allowed to reply by simply cackling: “I mean honestly, Nick, what do you THINK it fucking says?!”

Sorry, but spare us so much as a single self-styled serious news anchor attempting to use Hancock’s appearance to “provoke debate”. You know the sort of thing. “Is this actually quite clever on his part?” “In a world where people are turning off politicians, is this a way of getting them to tune back in?” Guys, please, please don’t attempt to intellectualise Matt Hancock’s turn in the jungle! Just experience it as a feeling. Let it wash over you like a really iconic I’m a Celeb waterfall shower scene.

As for what’s brought all this on, who can say? This week has certainly seen eye-catching merchandising moves in the Matt Hancock space. Only yesterday, we got what felt like a rushed reveal of the cover of his Pandemic Diaries, which are now being published on 6 December. A little late to be formally considered a Christmas title (perhaps timed for the lucrative Dry January market). That said if you are short of a present. I think I can say with some confidence that were you to enter a local bookshop/The Works at 6.59pm on 24 December, copies of this book WILL be available, and would surely delight any family member you wish to threaten you with the bacon scissors before Christmas lunch.

In fact, the book looks so insultingly dreadful that it would ironically make the perfect gift for Matt Hancock. We learn from various publicity material that Pandemic Diaries is “based on the author’s contemporaneous records of those extraordinary months”. I keep thinking of the bit in The Importance of Being Earnest where Algy asks Cecily if he can read her diary, and she goes “Oh no. You see, it is simply a very young girl’s record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication.” (Although if memory serves Cecily did not produce her diary, as Hancock has done, in collaboration with Isabel Oakeshott.) Anyway, if Matt does go on to diversify into a fragrance line – and on this form you certainly wouldn’t rule it out – you could easily see it being called something like “Divorce – by Matt Hancock”.

As for what to expect in his forthcoming I’m a Celeb appearance, let’s extemporise. Hancock fashioning a football out of palm fronds and badgering Jill Scott to beat him at keepy-uppies. Hancock throwing a protective ring round the camp’s elders, all of whom immediately get medevacked out. Conversations round the campfire in which Hancock tells Chris Moyles: “Ultimately what happened is that I fell in love. Is that a crime? If so, lock me up and throw away the key.” Hancock deciding Mike Tindall is a fellow alpha male and attempting to form an alliance with him: “Together, we could rule the jungle.” Tindall declining; Tindall engineering things so he faces off against Hancock in a bushtucker trial; Tindall just staring dead-eyed and unblinking at Hancock as he boshes round after round of animal dick and the former health secretary fails to keep up; Tindall’s sheer avenging willpower breaking Matt’s spirit until he succumbs to a live, category 5 spiritual meltdown and full public apology. Cop that, Scrappy Doo.

The darkest potential timeline, obviously, is that the British phone-voting public takes to Matt of the Jungle, and he actually goes on to win the show. If that happens, the ban on think-pieces is obviously immediately rescinded, and I will personally join the growing numbers of people who are turning away from the very idea of democracy. See you in the militias.

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