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yrbutchgf · 3 years

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hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

#asks #anonymous #butch/femme #butch tag #butch #femme #lesbiandaemon #sorry if you were looking for a more down-to-earth sort of list of tips but i have a lot of feelings about feelings LOL #also thank you again thren for letting me quote you! having a femme's perspective in there i think really enriches this and also you just.#put it so well ik i said this yesterday but it really was beautifully put

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tomatowielder · 3 years

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mega-list of ideas for coping with distressing voices

these are only offered as possible things to try if ur hearing distressing voices... everyone is different & everyone’s voices are different. you know you better than anyone else knows you. if you need to modify any of these, or reject any of these as actively unhelpful for you, that’s ok. 💜 feel free to add your own.

use this however is most helpful for you - i’m sharing what helps & has helped for me. so in no particular order:

Name your voices. Sometimes when they’re all just nameless forms, it can be hard to understand what’s going on, and they can feel scarily omnipotent. I found naming mine helpful for kind of containing the experience & getting to know my voices. If you ask some voices will name themselves.

Visualise ‘safe spaces’ for your voices. If you ask some voices might create their own safe place. Otherwise, you can imagine somewhere real, like sometimes I ask one of my voices to go to sleep in certain bits of a room. Or you can imagine . If you really can’t be disturbed for a length of time, you can try leaving the radio on for them, visualising them relaxing, and tell them when you’ll be ‘back’.

Draw your voices. (Or create a pinterest board for them.) One of my voices used to say things that were horrendously graphic and distressing, and I used to try to block her out all the time, so she got more aggressive with trying to get a reaction from me. Drawing her, and everything she said, whilst very difficult to do, helped it feel more manageable, and helped me pick out themes in what she was saying.

Are there any kind voices you can draw on as allies? If you have a voice that’s kind to you, you could try asking them for help. To stand up to other voices, to comfort you afterwards, etc.

Planning in advance what you might say to distressing stuff. Does a specific voice say really triggering, threatening things with an authoritative tone? It might help to prepare for the voice, and how you might respond. Often being aggressive to aggressive voices can trigger more aggression from voices (voices will lash out if they’re insulted) - how can you be polite but assertive? An example I’ve heard is “bless you, but I don’t want to do that” for commanding voices. But your response will be unique.

Set a time to listen to your voices. If voices aren’t listened to, they can get louder and more hurtful and graphic to try to get your attention - it can be a vicious cycle. But, if you engage with some voices without support, it can turn into them playing games with you and playing on your insecurities. It might help to strike a balance - set, say, half an hour a day, let the voices speak, and genuinely listen. After the time is up, you go back to doing what you usually do.

Try asking a trusted person to talk to your voices for you (this is a technique called voice dialoguing). Voice dialoguing was honestly the foundations of my recovery, and mostly conducted by my lovely partner. It’s where you sit in a different seat, and someone else speaks to your voices and you tell the person what the voices say, and you often do this multiple times. You decide what feels safe, and you debrief after. The person has to be non-judgemental about voices, and not frightened of voices. There’s information on voice dialoguing here: https://openmindedonline.com/2018/10/14/talking-with-voices-article-and-video/

Try some peer support. Maybe there’s a hearing voices group in your area? https://www.hearing-voices.org/hearing-voices-groups/find-a-group/ If not, there’s a lot of us on tumblr - hit us up and vent here. You don’t have to carry this alone.

Are you listening with anxious intensity bc they’re saying particularly distressing things? When my voices are calling me worthless or useless, or saying graphic things, or telling me a shameful secret only I know, I can completely drop what I’m doing, and LISTEN with such anxious intensity because I NEED to know I’m bad and evil. Sometimes it helps to notice I’m doing this and “let go” of the anxious intensity. I don’t need to powerlessly obsessively listen just because they’re shit talking me.

Physically soothe yourself to soothe screaming voices. Hearing screaming? Try hugging yourself, or giving yourself a face massage, or telling yourself it’s OK, or whatever it is that soothes you. When I soothe myself, I usually inadvetedly soothe the crying or screaming voice. Sometimes overtly comforting the voice helps too, even if it’s coming from very far away.

If you’ve experienced trauma, voices might be carrying memories you don’t remember or don’t feel strongly about, so they can’t be kind to you - you dissociated whilst they (the voice) stayed. Some voices remember things I don’t. Some memories I have I remember, but I don’t feel traumatised by them - but my voices really do. They have to be aggressive and violent towards me, because a) if I got close to them, I would remember too, and they’re protecting me, and b) they resent me for not remembering it whilst they do. Whilst this doesn’t immediately help how cruel they can be, it helps me have some compassion & acceptance.

Imagine a protective spell. I used to imagine a pink, sparkling sphere of healing and protection around me, and nothing could get in and hurt me. I was totally safe within this sphere. I was really into D&D, so I statted it too - 1000000000 AC, resistant 10000 to negative energy, etc. On my worst nights this helped.

Have a grounding object. I got a stone from an enjoyable vacation I had, and also an amethyst and a teddy, and I used to curl up into the fetal position and GRIP them. If you’re into this stuff, you could charge the objects with healing energy, anything else that makes the object feel more grounding. (This post is about hearing voices but also if you have visual hallucinations & feel brave enough, throwing something through the hallucination can help.)

Experiment with earplugs, sound, and space. Everyone’s voices are so unique - some get louder in big, echoey buildings, some get louder in small spaces, some shout above background noises, some blend in, some get louder with earplugs, some get quiet. Experiment! Go to different spaces and ask the voices if they can talk. Put different (&no) background sounds on. Use earplugs. See if anything feels more or less comfortable.

Experiment with distractions. When I was strugglling 24/7, the only quiet I would get would be during a good film and I NEEDED that. You can’t use distraction all the time - voices will catch up, and ignored voices tend to try to find ways to not be ignored. But I’ve found it necessary to find some breathing space. Films were that for me. There could be distractions that work best for you.

Hide! It’s OK to hide. It’s so OK to hide. It’s not a negative coping mechanism. Under the desk is my favourite place.

Complete a Maastricht interview. I am continually surprised by how little I know about my voices & how helpful I find it to know my voices more. The Maastricht interview is a series of questions that facilitates more self understanding - it might be triggering, so it might be useful to prepare yourself. Look in your local area to see if you can do it in person. If not, voila! http://www.hearingvoices.org.nz/attachments/article/59/Maastricht_Interview_for_voice_hearers.pdf (fwiw I’ve not done it yet but want to lol & I’ve met voice hearers who it’s helped.)

You’re not dirty or wrong for a voice saying graphic and horrible things. <3 It’s OK to hear graphic and disturbing voices. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s OK and normal to hear these things. You deserve safety & kindness.

If your voices get loud in new or anxiety provoking situations, give them some detailed advanced warning. Voices don’t always know what’s happening, what year it is, etc - they’re not always oriented to our reality. Saying, say, “I am going to a job interview on Saturday. Here is what is going to happen on Saturday: ...” can help them, so they don’t get anxious and take it out on you.

Start the small steps of building a collaborative relationship with your voices. Is your voice telling you to kill yourself, others, and that you’re worthless? Obviously, don’t do these things lol - but it might help to ask the voice if it has, say... a preference for a TV show, or a food. Something that doesn’t hurt you to accommodate. It can start the small steps of building a good relationship to take small preferences of the voice on board.

Educate your friends so they can be kinder to you. I like this talk! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjEN3peCJw Most of my friends who were frightened of me & my voices were much more understanding after watching this. But you choose your resources.

Accept that it’s ok to be distressed by them and it’s ok to struggle to cope.. Give yourself as much slack as you can. Hearing voices can be so gruelling. It can be isolating and lonely and PHYSICALLY exhausting. You don’t have to do it all. NONE of us can be ‘super-copers’. It’s OK to need rest, and to cut yourself some slack.

Honourary mentions for https://www.hearing-voices.org/ & https://www.intervoiceonline.org/ & https://understandingvoices.com/ c:

#actuallyhallucinating #pseriouslyschizospectrum #pseriouslypsychosis #traumacore #actuallytraumatized #actuallycptsd #pseriouslyschizophrenic #hearing voices #actually hallucinating

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fyreb1rd · 3 years

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vivi’s dumb little dsmp headcanon of how death, memories, and the end correlate even though it’s not a perfect thought.

the end is the realm where the goddess of death resides over, it’s where she gets her power from, and where she can judge those who have died and out them in their own afterlives/combine afterlives/move people from afterlife to afterlife, etc. also, for the sake of discussion, i’m headcanoning kristin as the goddess of death (bc she deserves it damnit) and DreamXD as the god of “life” but he’s kinda just corrupt as fuck lol. i’ll make another post about those two in my headcanon in depth later but!! that’s all you need to know at base value, so let’s get into it !!

now what does this have to do with death and memories ? everything!!

when you die, the end is where you go to be judged about where you should go in the afterlife, but now you’re thinking, but after people died in the dsmp they just went to their own afterlives? yeah, but they weren’t supposed to. the “proper path” is dying, being sent to the end, being judged by death, and then being sent to an afterlife that’s supposed to comfort you. because the end was closed, there was no way for anyone’s void to be measured to help them rest in peace. literally. so, since death can’t judge them, their brains automatically make a void that’s based around how they felt at the end of their life.

wilbur: the ycgma train station. it’s very well known c!wilbur had a massively declining mental health at the end of his life, and for long time beforehand, so it would make since that his void would be based on something that reflects the desperation of feeling completely and utterly alone whilst everything is moving on around you. he’s stuck at a train station while an ever moving train passes by, never stopping for him, and he never sees anyone there. he’d been so paranoid of being betrayed he made it so no one could betray him, and he made it so he couldn’t hurt anyone else. it also has the feeling that resonates with the knowledge of what jubilee line was about, since that’s the jubilee line train station.

tommy: the void. honestly, this one took a bit more thinking but i like what i came up with. tommy’s void is empty, completely black, with no light and little to no noise. hell, he might not even be corporeal there. at the end of tommy’s life i imagine he felt stuck, lost, and terrified. he made a void that matched his loneliness and fear of the prison, blank of anything, making him utterly alone. he didn’t want to die, it’s very evident in that, and his death was brutal as well. he probably wanted to just escape everything, and in a way he did. even if he did end up finding wilbur there too.

so now that you understand the void mechanisms in my headcanon, let’s explain how memories are connected!

the end is a place where you go after death, and when you die you’re judged by lady death to determine where you will go after death. to do so, she has to see ones memories of their life because the true memory doesn’t lie like word of mouth would. now, since the dsmp has a strict no end portal rule (which is enforced by dreamxd) she is unable to access those who died, to see their memories, and judge them. therefore, having memories of your past lives has no use. the only characters not affected by mass amounts of forgetfulness of their childhood (or lack of explanation of their childhood in character, therefor for this discussion it will be thought that they don’t remember) that i can think of off the top of my head are philza, foolish, and technoblade. three characters deemed immortal, therefore they know lady death personally or have never had to be judged by her since they had no lives change/be completely lost, thus keeping their memories. wilbur remembers bits of pieces, but most things he’s said are in relation to other people, which for sake of discussion we can assume happens because of the memory paradox.

now, when you join the dsmp you’re regifted all three lives (or limited to all three lives, with a few exceptions) so you would lose the memories of the past life because it’s not needed for your future judging. the memory paradox is when you are reconnected to your past (puffy and the shipwreck) you will relearn/remember what happened to you or have a vague remembrance of what it was. so, for wilbur’s memory paradox, he would remember tommy (because apparently they have history) once he saw him. the only exception to this rule is blood family, like wilbur and phil, who both remember each other outside of their world because of the blood relation. another thing that transcends the memory paradox is books with written information about the past (which makes the loss of ghostbur’s library even more tragic, and can help explain the loss of the truth in mizu)

now in ranboo’s case, with just amnesiac memory loss, we can assume it’s because he’s an enderman and has a direct connection to the end realm. with the end closed, his ender side is limited, so in waking hours he is unable to remember what he would know if the end portal was open. his ender side remembers everything because of how important memories are to the end realm itself. so we can also assume endermen would probably have very good memory, which would explain how the ender side of ranboo knows everything.

so overall, the goddess of death needs memories to create voids and afterlives for those who need them. without her, memories and such arent as useful, which can cause a lot of memory loss.

TLDR: the voids given to those who died were ones generated by their brains and not the ones they were supposed to have been given by death, aka kristin, because dreamXD is blocking the end portal and thus blocking kristins ability to control death. if the end portal was reopened, then she would be the one controlling the voids they went to and assuring they’d, quite literally, rest in peace.

#dream smp #dream smp headcanon #v's dream smp headcanons #the void dsmp #death mention tw #dsmp

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serialreblogger · 4 years

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Tagging Game

thank you for the tag @theproblemwithstardust!

rules: tag 10 people you think would like to be tagged, and copy/paste the asks into a new post. Answer all/as many of them as you want!

1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? bold of you provide such a boring binary. i prefer green

2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? again: no. give me Forest or give me death

3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? FLIGHT

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? so MUCH. i have to add half of it at the hot water station at work and half at my desk so my coworkers don’t catch on that i’m a hummingbird in human form

5. what was your favorite book as a child? one??? well i loved The Girl Who Could Fly by Victoria Forester. When i was little i read pretty much whatever i could get my hands on tho, most of which were really old and British for some reason? which is why i now talk like a horrific combination of “abominable tumblrite” and “Victorian aristocrat”

6. do you prefer baths or showers? BATHS but only if i can play music to drown out the sound of my ears ringing

7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? i WOULD be a dryad, but if i could choose i’d be a shapeshifter (capable of transforming into anything and everything)

8. paper or electronic books? i hoard books like a dragon hoards gold, but like. electronic books are also valid (no no look i’m not elitist, some of my best friends are fanfics)

9. what is your favorite item of clothing? i have a sky blue dress shirt that is the perfect fabric and colour and shape and i love it so much

10. do you like your name? would you like to change it? my Name is Linden, and i love it. my legal name is distressingly ugly and i hate it

11. who is a mentor to you? dang, friend, i don’t think i trust any adults enough for them to count

12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for? i would like to be famous for writing excellent, world-changing fantasy fiction. it will have actual representation and will be so popular that no one will remember the name of that other british writer, she who must not be named

13. are you a restless sleeper? ehh i don’t have insomnia but like. i don’t -enjoy- sleeping

14. do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? nah fam i’m MUCH to screwed up for that. i like romance well enough but i’m awkward as heck, doubly so with romance. sorry Cris, i love you

15. which element best represents you? aether! i am Edgy

16. who do you want to be closer to? some of my irl friends, i guess, bc i’m real bad at relationship maintenance sometimes

17. do you miss someone at the moment? i miss my girlfriend!

18. tell us about an early childhood memory. my childhood had happy parts but i mostly remember all that trauma, so imma give y’all a pass on that one

19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten? honestly, probably calamari. i’m not an adventurous eater. but i do like me some nice rubbery squid

20. what are you most thankful for? i just got a job, which means i can (hopefully) move out in the next little bit!

21. do you like spicy food? NO i do NOT enjoy the feeling of flame inside my mouth, i am TOO WHITE for that

22. have you ever met someone famous? Ryan Reynold’s brother’s cousin or something works at our local Costco, does that count?

23. do you keep a diary or journal? it’s called a “tumblr blog”

24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pencil!

25. what is your star sign? i like 🌠

26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? unpopular opinion but soggy cereal is better

27. what would you want your legacy to be? i want something i do to have a real, significant, important impact on the justice of this awful world. i want my life to make it easier for the kids who come after me to live theirs

28. do you like reading? What was the last book you read? i LOVE reading but these days it’s only fanfiction. Do you accept The Reverb in These Holy Halls by @wolftraps? I hope so because it well surpasses most fiction for thematic complexity and superb characterization, do recommend

29. what are you afraid of? literally everything

30. what is your favorite scent? i don’t really like scents, but i love the smell of my girlfriend’s house

31. do you address older people by their name or surname? i prefer to simply Not address them (because i want to call them by their surname but at this point i’m also an adult and that’s apparently weird)

32. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? i would MOVE OUT. then take a part-time desk job and spend the rest of my time growing succulents and writing stories

33. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? mmm also no

34. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground? honestly i’d probably ask the nearest person if it was theirs, and they would say yes even though it wasn’t and i wouldn’t clue in until i was halfway down the block

35. if you were to get a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i GENUINELY don’t trust myself enough to get a tattoo. i’m not permanent enough for that. but if i had to i’d probably pick a little, colourful, very pretty tree design and put it on my ankle or the inside of my wrist

36. what can you hear now? Welcome To The Black Parade by MCR

37. where do you feel the safest? lol imagine feeling safe

38. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? look if i existed at any point prior to today i would, 100% without doubt, be dead by now. that said the 1920s had some sweet hair jewelry

39. what is your most used emoji? 😊

40. describe yourself using one word. contradictory

41. what do you regret the most? who i used to think i was. the person i tried to be

42. last movie you saw? The Meg (hey, it has a surprisingly good romance subplot. i was actually mildly invested, A+ for a canon m/f ship in a dumb action movie. Also it has Attractive Bruce Willis in it, so bonus points)

43. last tv show you watched? i think it was Community

44. invent a word and its meaning: Hieuule is from my current wip. It means “treasure/wealth of spirit”

ok imma tag @onionwithanxiety, @existentialcrisisetcetera, @hitsuaya, @imthesheikofaraby, @elmofongo, @oliver-in-retrograde, @thenorsiest, @lunarmultishine, @marshmallow-fluffy and @affzinho! I’d love to see y’all’s responses (but please don’t feel pressured, of course) and anyone else who wants to do this, consider yourselves tagged by yours truly!!

#ask game #tagging game #long post

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iamanartichoke · 5 years

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This is neither eloquent nor organized. I’m very frustrated and I just need to get things off my chest.

Please do not reblog this post.

Cut for anti-Ragnarok discourse, pro-Ragnarok discourse, the Ragnarok discourse war, mention of Thorki, and general venting.

I’m not using tags bc I don’t want this post to show up in them. Very sorry and if any of these things is one of your blacklists, please keep scrolling.

Yesterday, I read a fic.

I was wandering through some of the Thorki content on twitter, and followed a link to one of the big bang fics, bc it was a human AU and das my jam.

I didn’t recognize the author’s name. The fic was extremely well-written, though: lots of feels, beautiful narration, a sweet ending balanced with a lot of sadness. It was one of those fics that gave me a lump in my throat.

I was only going to leave kudos, but then I figured I’d take the extra five seconds and leave a comment, bc we all know how much authors like comments. I mean, I’d rather someone leave a comment than kudos, especially if the fic really affected them.I get it and I gotchu, fam.

Anyway, so I left a comment and proceeded to click on the author’s profile to see what else they’ve written. As you do.

I recognized their AO3 icon, even though I didn’t recognize the name. I’d seen them around on some Ragnarok wank on tumblr. I went to double-check, and it was the same user, and also they’d blocked me.

I do not know this person. I have never spoken to this person. Yet they’ve gone out of their way to block me, most likely bc I associate with the anti-Ragnarok crowd. This happens to me a lot. I’ve even had a couple of former mutuals unfollow and block me (without saying anything to me) and those felt like punches to the gut.

I understand not wanting to see content that you don’t like or that upsets you. Everyone has the right to block whomever they wish. But I can’t deny that getting blocked like that – by someone I don’t know, let alone interact with – fucking hurts. I know it’s not that deep but I can admit it. It’s a shitty feeling and it’s hard not to take it personally.

It’s not really about this particular person at all, although it’s a shame bc they’re a good writer I probably would have followed otherwise. But this entire anti/pro Ragnarok war has gone so far and it’s exhausting. I stayed pretty neutral for as long as I could.

And here’s the thing. My observations, both from being neutral and also being someone who, despite often being quietly blocked, tends to fly under the radar are this:

The majority of the negativity comes from the pro side.

Look, I side with and agree with the anti side on this one. I can admit, however, that sometimes it gets tiresome to see posts get turned into Ragnarok criticism or tiresome to see more posts on my dash about this that or another thing that sucks about Ragnarok and why. It, like anything, can be tiring.

But I also see that the anti side largely does its best to keep to itself. The pro side complained about the Ragnarok tags, so the anti side made an anti tag, and the pros still come into it to complain. The anti side will post their discussions and criticisms and they largely just circulate within the same group of people. The discussions are almost always criticisms on the source material (ie, the film) and not about anyone who enjoys it.

Now, maybe I don’t see everything. Though I don’t think I’m biased just bc I agree with the anti side – in fact, it was these attributes that made me take a closer look at what they were saying bc maybe they had a point after all. I don’t follow every anti Ragnarok user, but I do follow a lot. I can’t say personal attacks and whatever never happen - but, I hardly ever see them.

That’s not the case with the pro side. I don’t think I follow many from that side, but I see so much negativity from them. It’s like this kind of underhanded negativity that I’m not quite sure how to explain. It’s tonal negativity.

I mean, sometimes it’s blatant. Name-calling (Loki stans, lackeys, pathetic, delusional, and racist come to mind) is an example. But more than that, there’s this collective tone among the pro side that smacks of condescension and I can’t stand it.

They make fun of the “dissertations” that have been written.

They always include an “lol” or laugh emoji or something to express that they’re not the ones taking this seriously.

They fall back on saying they don’t care about a two-year-old movie.

They’re laughing and making fun and at the same time acting like they’re so above it all.

They want us to just shut up already.

What it comes down to is this: it’s not just a matter of being able to agree to disagree because the pro side actively acts offended that the antis are even having these critical discussions, even if the antis have gone out of their way to not involve the rest of the fandom at all.

(Again, this is not every pro person, but the majority. Tone does matter online, and the overall tone of the pro side is not positive. I say this from a mostly neutral place.)

And here’s a thing about “oh my god, it came out two years ago, get over it!” Yeah, it came out two years ago. So fucking what? You guys are still engaging with it, via fics and headcanons and art. How old the movie is doesn’t matter when you’re having fun with it, but when someone wants to engage with it in a (valid) critical way that you don’t like? No. That’s unacceptable. That’s pathetic. That’s being a lackey. Get over it.

Even writing this, I know that things are much worse for others than they are for me. I get stealth blocked; others are called out by name in public posts, receive anon hate, and are actively targeted.

It’s just, this shit is so fucking toxic to this fandom and it honestly needs to stop. Both sides need to not only stop engaging one another, but also stop acknowledging one another. We get it: you either like the movie or you don’t.

Let people do their own thing. Don’t be fucking obnoxious. If you disagree and genuinely want to talk about it, then try to remember there’s a person on the other side of the screen and be civil. If you disagree and don’t want to talk about it, then just fucking don’t.

If you see a post you disagree with, scroll past. And, yes, block the person if you need to (and sometimes it might be me that needs blocking and I recognize my hurt feelings are my own personal problem, not whoever else’s).

There are a lot of movies in the MCU that are not perfect. (Btw, it baffles me a little to get hated on for my stance on Ragnarok, when I am so much more vocal [and emotionally invested] in hating the Russos and IW/Endgame – but, whatever.) There are a lot of interpretations of characters that are different. There are a lot of people who project their own identity or issues or whatever onto any particular character that resonates (and that’s okay!) and there are a lot of people who don’t project but still identify with a particular character (and that’s okay, too).

Stop judging whether someone is a “real” fan of a character/franchise or not. Just because someone isn’t engaging with the source material in the way you are, and just because they don’t see it in the same way that you do, does not make them wrong. (Yes, this applies to the pro side, too. None of them are wrong or less valid for enjoying and even stanning the movie.) It doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else here.

Acting otherwise is honestly going to kill this fandom. Because it bleeds over. Fics will have less readers, bc they don’t want to interact with something posted by someone they dislike (or who blocked them). There’s less sharing of things like art and headcanons and content. People unfollow and block each other, people are having to watch what they say, people are losing friends (and potential friends) bc they may be a great person but they don’t agree with you about fucking Ragnarok.

I came to tumblr bc it was the only place where not only could I find other people who loved Loki as much as I did, but it was the only place where I could express that. Express it in fic, in headcanons, in meta. Being creative and starting dialogues and just interacting. I wish we could get that vibe back.

I wish none of this bothered me so much.

#again #please do not reblog this #i wanted to get this off my chest #i don't want this post to start any fucking wank #please excuse my lack of tags #i am sorry #heed the trigger warning at the top

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ryncorrect · 5 years

Text

university!au: day6 jae

following my uni!au with young k (idk how to link my own post asbajdnskmd im Dumb) so here another one with jae lol i think im gonna make one for each one of them buttttttt no promise bc my brain works in a very mysterious way LOL

anyway leggo

warning: this is lame lmaooooo

name: park jaehyung / jae

major: politic science

other activities: guitarist (and sometimes vocalist) of university band, member of music club, founder and leader of LOL SQUAD

everyone knows that tall skinny guitarist of the band i mean he’s hard to ignore tbh

he always wears loose T-shirt, ripped jeans, a cap that he puts backward, and round big specs to campus

professors hate his ripped jeans but can’t really say anything because oh well style doesn’t define someone’s grades and boy, does this kid actually get some braincells in him

well i mean at least he never fails his classes

he has this giant LOLSQUAD badge on his backpack because he’s proud af of his title as the club founder and leader

he actually started that club so he could to brag about his gaming skill to everyone who wanted to listen but he ends up getting his ass handed to him every single time they play together smh

if he’s not in class or hanging out with his game buddies, he can be seen following that Popular Student™ kang younghyun or as jae prefers to call him, “brian” or “brIBRI” because they both joined music club and are in the band

yes yes he’s well known and easy to spot

but…

“jae? park jaehyung?? who???”

everyone refers to him as “that foreigner student”, “the American guy” or “the gamer guy”, or my favorite: “chicken little”

i will never let that joke die im sorry but seriously he looks like chicken when he plays his guitar on the stage don’t @ me

there are only like 5 students in the whole university who know his actual name

anyways in this scenario you’ve always been interested in playing guitar but haven’t gotten a chance to learn and your friend kim wonpil invites you to join music club so you’ll have friends to practice with

“you know our jaehyungie, right? he’s really chill, you’ll get along well with him!!”

deep inside you’re like

who the heck is jaehyung

but wonpil is so excited to have you there so the next week you come to the club meeting

you introduce yourself to everyone and finally you meet him

“ohmygod the chicken little!!”

“whO THE HECK ARE YOU CALLING THAT”

“sorry- i mean the chicken guitarist- wait no-”

he glares at you, you laugh instead

scaring the new member challenge: failed

but yeah you’d seen him performing before and honestly you almost decided to become his fan

a l m o s t

at first he (jokingly) refuses to teach you guitar because you called him chicken little

and since then you keep calling him that just to mess with him

“hi chicken little”

“what’s poppin chicken little”

“why do you look so flustered, chicken little? do i make you nervous??”

he turns red chicken little is now an angry bird “gO AWAY NEWBIE YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”

jae’s a foreigner but he speaks fluent korean

he tells you that even though he was born and grew up in america he always speaks the language with his parents

but of course since he lives abroad there are lots of words or slang he doesn’t know, so you gotta be an ass and slip some difficult words when you speak to him

he gets his revenge by replying to you in english

whenever you two are having an argument (usually over stupid things) everyone in the club suddenly gets headache

wtf they’re not even making any sense

besides music, jae is the most excited when talking about LOL or social topics because well his major

honestly idk much about politic science so cmiimw

one time someone asks for his opinion about social welfare and he ends up starting a sudden debate session with the said person about social welfare programs in south korea and america and the difference between both countries

you mention human rights and he sNAPS

i mean he gives a full 15 mins speech about it

“yknow what im sayin?”

“dude… i honestly don’t get it at all”

because he be speaking in full english like wat

he’s just so passionate about everything it’s almost adorable

a l m o s t

and it’s not only his passion but also his small eyes, his laugh, his voice, or the way he occasionally lifts his head to look at you while playing guitar and you smile and he smiles because you smile first shnshsbshs soft

even the corners of his lips are so cute wow

oh fuck im emo i love him

but you adore him just as a good friend

he’s always been bubbly and friendly with everyone, not just you, so yeah it’s really easy to fall for him but you assure yourself that you’re nOT

are we having “in denial” shit again omg im so uncreative

anyway fast forward it’s ur birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY

you decide to throw a small party at your place and invite 5 or 6 of your closest friends but damn on the d-day it rains so hard

if ur bday falls on winter then change it to snowing hard, if it’s spring then maybe there’s strong wind or something, whatever suits you fam lol

so no one comes to your party lol you are Sad

BUT THEN!!!! JAE SHOWS UP!!!!!

PARK JAEHYUNG

OUT OF ALL PEOPLE

no you didn’t invite him because idk

are we really that close??? ehhhh he probably won’t come anyway haha why bother

BUT!!!! HE SHOWS UP!!! IN FRONT OF YOUR DOOR!!!

he’s carrying an umbrella but it didn’t really help apparently because he’s soaking wet

imagine that view i mean nvm

“i happened to be near here and i remember it’s your birthday today so i think i’m gonna drop by to say hi and suddenly it’s raining too hard on the way but anyway happy birthday can you let me in first i’m cold”

ofc you let jae in i mean we can’t let the chicken catch the flu amirite

but you warn him that he’ll have to leave before 11 or your RA will kick you both out the dorm lol

after a towel, two cups of hot tea, and one shared piece of chocolate cake, you told him you were supposed to have a small party tonight but no one could make it because of the rain and he’s like “hOW DARE YOU HAVING A PARTY BUT NOT INVITING ME I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL” and you’re just like “lol shut up chicken here eat more cake”

anyways you two spend time joking and talking about random stuff and it’s probably not the best birthday ever but at least you don’t have to spend it alone and to be honest you’re happy that he’s here

then jae pulls out his ultimate weapon

i mean his guitar

he was soaking wet but the guitar is clean and dry and all fine like hoW EVEN

“priorities” -park jaehyung

he said he gonna play a song of your choice because he came empty handed and he feels bad about it

you blush and pick whatever song comes to your mind because you can’t really think of any, and he starts strumming his guitar and sings

and while he keeps looking at you, you find yourself too can’t take your eyes off him

the song ends and you’re about to clap your hands when he suddenly starts another one

wait you’ve never heard this song before

it’s a slow song and the lyrics are all like, the sky turns dark on the birthday of the brightest star so that it’ll be the only light in his world, how he feels regretful that he has nothing to give but his small heart, and he hopes that this lovely person will hold his hand as they listen to this song together, that this lovely person will feel warm beside him

guys just imagine the song okay i can’t Romance

it’s dead silent until you whisper, “is that… a song for me?”

jae’s face turns red and he starts panicking™ like “i made up the lyrics just now okay i know it’s fricking sappy and cheesy as hell okay i just uhhh want to cheer you up!!!! because you seem kinda down!!!!! let’s not talk about this again uGh WhatEvER leT Me LIvE!!!!!”

but you chuckle and thank him, it was the best present you can get from anyone

you two stare at each other for a second that feels like years and he finally breaks the silence, “you know,,, maybe i came here on purpose,,, maybe actually i want to see you,,,”

“and why is it?”

“because i think,,, i miss you,,, kinda”

and you don’t say this out loud but maybe you do know that

even if you say you’ll never

in fact you’ve already fallen for him a bit

or perhaps a lot

like a lot

then he leans in to kiss your lips and you kiss back and it’s almost not awkward at all, it just feels right as if you’ve kissed him million times before

a l m o s t

you two still blush real hard after

but yeah that’s how you two start dating

none of you two tell anyone about it but it’s pretty obvious, i mean jae always picks you up at your dorm, he walks with you to your class or vice versa (if your classes don’t overlap tho), you two keep stealing glances at each others, also—

jae with you: “hey,,,, come here sit with me u3u,,,,, did you have lunch??? oh i wrote a song last night check this out,,,, what are you gonna do this saturday? oml you’re so cute”

jae with everyone else: “HAHAHAHA FUCKING FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PRICK ALSO BRIAN FUCKING KANG IF YOU STEAL MY FUCKING FRIES AGAIN I WILL LITERALLY SNAP YOUR FUCKING NECK”

welp actually he’s not always sweet with you, sometimes you two still argue about silly things using mixed languages but now everyone in the club knows better to just run away once it begins

because it’ll end up with you two fighting or you two kissing

yes im nasty and a disappointment bye

btw wonpil is excited af it’s almost like he’s dating you both

“it’s really nice seeing you two finally together!!!!!!! especially because jaehyung really couldn’t shut up about you ever since the first day you joined our music club”

“wait wha-”

“YOU SNAKE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET FUCK OFF”

I’m so in love with park jaehyung y'all hsnshsbsh aNYWAYS!!! 100 blocks limit has lifted from tumblr app AYEEEEE

#day6 #jae #park jaehyung #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 fanfic #day6 reactions #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #this is embarassing smh #bye

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thegeminisage · 5 years

Note

Five Headcanons: Snow, Celes, Faith Connors, aaaaaaaand Papyrus

THANK U

SNOW:

cannot read. haha im just kidding (or am i)

sees people not liking him as a challenge. he wants to be the Most Likable Laid Back Guy Ever. sometimes this works in his favor like it did with lightning and sometimes it’s a little overbearing and creepy like with hope (and noel, eventually)

on the flip side he also has a way of…drawing out people’s badness. lowkey spoilers bc you havent gotten there yet but noel within 5 minutes of meeting him winds up talking about some of his most deeply-held pain. i think if people like snow they feel comfortable telling him that stuff and if they don’t he makes them angry enough that it comes out anyway. so he’s like accidentally a human therapy dog without even realizing it.

i think they might actually mention this in canon somewhere in like some of the start menu infodumps or one of the light novels or something but dude was an orphan so i’m sure he wants like All the children. good thing serah also likes kids

this is a REALLY BAD AND PROBLEMATIC HEADCANON but after witnessing them in game 3 i think that lightning, despite being strictly into ladies the other 99% of the time, would have wound up dating him eventually if he wasn’t, like, with serah. i don’t think she’s carrying a torch for him in canon or anything, because it just wouldn’t occur to her to think of her sister’s fiance who is also a dude that way, but in an alternative universe where he wasn’t her sister’s fiance they would have wound up working out pretty well

CELES:

i think like lightning she’s mostly into ladies so when locke comes along and she’s into him it’s sort of like ??? oh damn okay

i like celes/terra fine but i strongly prefer a sisterly relationship because they’re SUCH good foils. i think when celes was around terra prior to the start of the game she tried to find ways to be kind to her whenever possible and despite the amnesia part of terra remembered that always and so she just likes being around her

prior to the game singing was a guilty pleasure. maybe not opera singing but i think celes really just loved to do it, which is why she made a passable maria

i think as a soldier celes was denied things like dresses and bows and just taking pleasure in femininity so secretly she actually had a lot of fun getting dolled up to play maria, what really killed her was the crowds

having survived her own suicide attempt celes is very good at talking people off of their metaphorical ledges. i think in the post-game world where shit is marginally better people would have less of a reason overall to want to die but i also think she’d make it a point to patrol popular jumper spots and look after anyone she came across because she understands that despair so acutely

FAITH:

my girl faith is ARO AS HELL!! it’s possible she’s ace too (maybe lesbian oriented, or just aro and a lesbian) but definitely aro. is there such a thing as a 3-person QP relationship? i’m really into the faith/plastic/icarus dynamic but like no allo

loooooves junk food. faith probably eats like a horse to begin with because of all the energy expends being a parkour superhero but i’m sure she eats a lot of deeply unhealthy shit whenever possible. so when dogen tries to snag her for dinner with like his fancy-pants roast duck she’s like “ugh spare me”

speaking of dogen, i think faith genuinely cares for him and wants him to care for her in a father/daughter kinda way (and i think in his own way he does, or at the very least by the end she’s earned his respect, which is almost better). he’ll never be her dad, or noah, but i feel like everyone else would be like “he’s a creep” and she’d be the one going “yeah okay BUT”

no one knows what happened to faith and cat when she was little except noah and nomad & icarus is the first person she tells after the game is over. i think she’d tell plastic too eventually but icarus is Better At Feelings

doesnt like or plan on having kids but has a secret soft spot for animals, since seeing them is such a rarity in glass. glass doesnt have a huge population of strays but every once in awhile she’ll come across one and she always feeds it if she can

PAPYRUS:

LOVES halloween. we talked about this in stream a bit the other day but he’d loved giving out candy and seeing costumes and putting together his own costume (and sans’s costume lol) - it might even be his favorite holiday

right-handed! i think most monsters are left-handed to reflect how most humans are right-handed, but papyrus is a bit of an odd duck among his kind and also obsessed with humans, so him being right-handed feels Correct

easily just as OP as sans, except duh of course he doesnt ACTUALLY want to hurt you, so that’s why you don’t ever see anything truly scary out of him. he COULD do exactly what sans does, he just doesn’t want to, and he never will

cat person. evidence: dislikes dogs because dogs like bones. sans is a dog person so it only makes sense that papyrus is a cat person. after the game he adopts All The Cats

papyrus is one of those people who is scarily good at video games. like he knows all the ins and outs of different ways to spin tetris blocks and he can calculate the hit point curve of a jrpg character as they level on the fly and he can break basically any game mechanics down to the raw numbers and figure out the best most efficient way of doing things because Its Just Puzzles and thats what my guy does

(send me a character & i’ll list 5 headcanons)

#liz answers asks #bunnikkila #ask memes #ff13 #undertale blogging #ff6 #mirror's edge #long post

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consultingsister-aa · 4 years

Note

✩ ceebastian, pls!!

SEND ‘✩’ FOR SHIP THINGS // @asteriananthologies

under read more for some nsfw, tw things but mostly bc it’s really fucking long.

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒. Who is more likely to raise their voice? Cecelia, easy. Sebastian pretty must never shouts and if he does, Cee instantly starts crying. It’s like yelling at a puppy, you know something you should because that’s how they learn but it is horrible. Cee shouts all the time though. Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Kind of Cecelia, she doesn’t really ever threaten to leave but she’ll say she met this really nice man and she’s going to go off and live with him now if Seb doesn’t give her enough attention for two minutes. Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Probably Sebastian, never for long, but Cee is sometimes very hard to live with and I think, after a massive fight, he’s way more likely to leave the house for a night or two. She won’t leave because she’ll want to talk it through ( in reality she just wants to keep shouting until he agrees she is right ) but Seb can always tell when it’s not going to go anywhere constructive for either of them and leaves before she has a chance to say something really horrid that she can’t really take back, because she will. Who trashes the house? Neither, although Cee is known to throw things.Do either of them get physical? Cee does, Sebastian never does. Not specifically angry with Seb but Cee lets her anger about lots of things build up until she physically cannot hold it back anymore and, like a child who doesn’t know any better, can become violent. While this is never okay, she’s really not that strong, so can’t do much damage but it does remain something she really needs to work on, it’s just lucky that big strong Seb can take her. How often do they argue/disagree? They get into joke/silly argument a lot but real actual argument happens much less frequently. They can argue about the kids a lot, especially when they’re young because Cee is perfectly happy for the girls to go to private schools and have nannies and basically have the same upbringing she and Seb did but… Seb is not. Who is the first to apologise? Does anyone? Seb will if it’s something he started but most of the time it’s not and Cee just pretends nothing happened because avoidance is a personality trait at this point. Cee will though if Sebastian continues to huff about something but it won’t be a good apology. It’s like, ‘sorry you took that horrible thing I said a bad way?’

𝐒𝐄𝐗.Who is on top? Cecelia. Sebastian can be, and Cee likes him to take control but naturally, she likes to control the situation and he likes her to take control. Who has the strangest desires? [ cee voice ] as a non-judgmental couple, none of our desires are strange, sexual desires are a perfectly healthy thing. Seb does though, fo’ sure. Any kinks? They’re both pretty into rough sex or passionate sex. Post-argument sex is a major thing in the Holmes-Moran household. Things get full-on broken as they roll around. Also, Sebastian likes being told what to do and Cee is very bossy so that works out well. Who’s dominant in bed? Cecelia, she falls into it and Sebastian likes it, it’s perfect.Is head ever in the equation? Head is always in the equation, it’s not even a question, it’s the answer. Cee likes it to be known that she enjoys giving head, okay, it’s empowering. If so, who is better at performing it? Cee has zero complaints but she would probably say herself, and I think Sebastian would have a hard time arguing that one. She gives great head! Ever had sex in public? Yes. If Seb is being chatted up at the bar, Cee will just get jealous and drag him into the bathroom, which is probably why Seb started talking to someone at the bar. They’re probably the sort of couple who leave a restaurant table, with friends, to go have sex. They’re horny teenagers who never left the honeymoon stage, it’s not their fault! Who moans the most? Cecelia, you know, unless she’s telling Seb to be louder. Who leaves the most marks? Sebastian, although Cee is known to leave a hickey or two. Who screams the loudest? Cee, she is so loud. Like, Sebastian putting his hand over her mouth loud and if he tells her to be quiet, she’ll be louder because that’s hilarious to her. Who is the more experienced of the two? They’re both slutty equals and proud of it. Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Probably fuck more, but can be known to have very loving sex. However, both of those terms made Cee super uncomfortable so they have sex. Rough or soft? A little rough. A lot rough? There is a time and place for everything. How long do they usually last? They both know what they’re doing, they can go for a while however with two children and full-time jobs? A quickie is almost always called for. Is protection used? Cee is the worst at remembering to take the pill, that’s how they ended up with Lia (sorry darling), plus it makes her very depressed. Eventually, she gets an implant or something because they’d go through even her fortune buying condoms every time. Does it ever get boring? No, they’re way too into each other. They also probably like to spice things up sometimes because they’re an old married couple now. Meeting in hotel rooms, pretending they don’t know each other, maybe inviting someone else to join? They know what they’re doing at this point, they’re not the sort to have sex for the sake of it. Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? So one time they had sex in an old office block, which was sort of around the corners from the Vogue offices. Although it’s not really his job much anymore, very occasionally it will fall to Sebastian to deal with some of his employees which leaves him very amped up. Basically, Seb beats a guy up, realises how close he is to his wife, calls her to come over (once everyone else has left) to come have sex because what would be better than hitting someone over and over and then having sex with your wife, thirty floors up, with panoramic views of London? Nothing, nothing it better.

𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘.Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? Yes, their first daughter was very unplanned however, but their second daughter was planned, badly perhaps. If so, how many children do your muses want/have? They have two girls and since Celia kinda didn’t want… any, that’s quite enough, but she loves her kids very much. Who is the favorite parent? Ophelia, who the oldest likes her dad best and Viola is a massive mummy’s girl so luckily they each have a child who likes them, most of the time. Who is the authoritative parent? Cecelia is always like, “wait till your dad gets home!” like? he? is in the one who gives out the punishments but it’s almost always Cee, she’s the scary shouty one while the girls have Sebastian wrapped around their little fingers. Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Cecelia, she takes them out of school a lot even though she thinks a good education is so important, she’s also like, let’s go to New York for the week! And honestly, since money is no object, she knows it’s more important for her children to be informed than… educated since lol what’s a real job. Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? Probably Sebastian, Cee does sometimes give up but most of the time she’s a all-orgianic-vegan-bullshit sort of mother. She eats McDonald’s all the time but the children do not. Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? They do both try but they’re pretty busy working parents; probably Sebastian more? But Cee is convinced he only does it because the other mum’s fawn over him whenever he picks Vi up from ballet. Who goes to parent teacher interviews? That’s a joint effort. Mostly because Cee knows they’re going to get in trouble for Lia swearing and starting fights a lot and she wants Sebastian there so she can blame him, because like, for fuck sake she never swears, ever. Who changes the diapers? Cee does because she takes time off with both Viola and Ophelia but if it’s a case of both Cee and Seb at home, she gave birth to them, he can do that. Cee is super dramatic about it as well, she’ll make retching noises till Seb takes over. Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? Usually Cee, she doesn’t really need as much sleep as a normal human but they try and take turns. It’s different depending on who is working or maybe they swap nights or week “shifts” so it’s fair on them both. Who spends the most time with the children? Cee spends more time with them on a daily basis, because she’s cut down her hours but she also goes away more, so she’ll go away for weeks at a time and then Sebastian is with them, but she picks them up from school mostly. Who packs their lunch boxes? Sebastian gets then ready int he mornings, so he does their lunches. The first time Seb was away for a while Cee was so confused because she thought they just got their lunch at school and has pretty much zero idea Seb packed their lunch. Who gives their children ‘the talk’? Cee does, although sex was never really a taboo subject. Celia always thought it would be more awkward if it was all kept a secret or lies about for years and she really never wanted sex and sexuality to be something that was hidden or something to be ashamed about. She knew from her own experience that without a healthy view on sex, she did things way too young and before she understood what it meant or the physical + mental consequences and didn’t want the same for the girls. Who cleans up after the kids? Celia mostly, but they do have a cleaner. Who worries the most? Cee and Seb are the more chill parents ever and they worried ALL THE TIME. It’s sort of impossible to correlate the two but they’re both massive worriers. To be fair, Seb has a very risky job and with since Cee’s first daughter dies, it understandable. Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? Really it’s hard to know, they both swear as much as each other, but Cee would probably blame Sebastian.

𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.Who likes to cuddle? It’s a mix of both, you would never describe them as cuddly people but they do like to be in each other arms and they can be very affectionate with each other. Who is the little spoon? Cecelia, but it’s more like how much ‘accidental’ bum wiggling can she do before he gets hard. Soz not soz that she’s still a sex-crazed teenager. Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? Cecelia probably initiates more but Seb is never adverse. Again, she gets pure joy out of giving him public boners. Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? Sebastian, although not always sexually. He likes being able to touch Cee, hand on her back, holding into her knee etc. How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Cee likes being held but she is also very big on personal space. She’ll say, “okay, done now” and he has to let go. Who gives the most kisses? Cee, she wants a kiss every minute of every day. What is their favourite non-sexual activity? Horseriding! Or more specifically, teaching their kids how to ride a horse. It was one of the draws to get a house and land in the country.Where is their favourite place to cuddle? Living room couch in the country house. Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? Probably Cee. How often do they get time to themselves? Almost never, they have two kids, one dog, are always hanging out with friends of Cee’s, or work commitments get in the way. Honestly, they’re lucky if they get one date night a month. It sometimes makes Cee sad because they never really got time to be a newly married couple in their own home because Lia was already born but she also loves a chaotic messy busy house so wouldn’t change it.

𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆.Who snores? Cee does a little bit, like tiny, it’s cute but if you say that? Ultimate denial. Do they share a bed or sleep separately? It depends. They have their bed, in their bedroom, which they share but it Seb is having a bad night, he sleeps in the spare room to avoid waking Cee up or, at worst, hiring her during one of his night terrors. If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? Cozy up at first, then move apart to sleep, Cee really cannot bare being held when she’s trying to sleep. Who talks in their sleep? During nightmares, Seb yells. If it’s a peaceful night, no one. What do they wear to bed? Seb used to wear nothing until the girls were old enough to just barge into their bedroom unannounced, now he at least wears boxers or pyjama bottoms. Cee loves wearing Seb’s shirts to bed but also silky pyjama sets, mood dependent. Are either of your muses insomniacs? To some degree, they both are. If Cee is going through a more manic episode, she can be. Seb though really does suffer at night due to PTSD and often goes out for a run very early in the morning because he can’t sleep. Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? In the bathroom cabinet, but yes. Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? At night and in the mornings they come back together but while sleeping they lay side by side. Who wakes up with bed hair? Neither, Cee would but she puts her hair in plats. Who wakes up first? Usually, Sebastian but they’re both morning people to some degree. Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? Sebastian does most weekends. What is their favourite sleeping position? Celia has perfected sleeping on her back to avoid getting wrinkles, so dumb and Seb lies on his front with one arm stretched out to Cee. Who hogs the sheets? Probably Cecelia. No, actually, definitely Cecelia. Do they set an alarm each night? Yes, although Seb is often awake before it. Also with young kids, who needs an alarm clock? It’s usually set for half six and then another at seven.Can a television be found in their bedroom? Yes, but Cee got one of those ones which double as a picture that hangs above the unused fireplace across from their bed. Who has nightmares? They both do and they’re both bad but Seb’s are way more frequent and way worse. Nightmares are a big part of Seb’s PTSD and a real strain in their marriage.Who has ridiculous dreams? Cee, her dreams are insane. Also if she ever dreams that Sebastian is cheating on her, she’ll hold him against him all day, no matter what he says. Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Cecelia, for a woman who doesn’t like to be touching, she certainly makes her way over to Seb’s side of the bed a lot. Who makes the bed? Cee does, it’ll ruin the aesthetic of the room otherwise. What time is bed time? Ten or eleven for Sebastian, sometimes the same for Cee but she quite often uses the time the kids are in bed to catch up on some work. Seb tries his best to pull her away from her emails before twelve though, often physically lifting her to bed. Any routines/rituals before bed? Cee has a Vogue youtube channel worthy skincare routine, Seb brushes his teeth. They do often chat in the bathroom before bed though, it’s like their peaceful catch-up time. Also, Seb checks on the girls once more before bed. Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Maybe Cee but she’s quite good at getting up without a fuss. But if she is being very fussy, Seb can bring her round with morning sex.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊.Who is the busiest? They are both very busy people but Cecelia can always seem more stressed so might come across as the busiest. She has said she’s cut down her hours since the girls arrived but in reality, she’s trying to shove the same amount of work into less time.Who rakes in the highest income? Sebastian, Cee is well paid and is probably worth more (also probably earns more from investments) but Sebastian is raking it in as king of crime. Are any of your muses unemployed? These workaholics? No. Who takes the most sick days? [ cee voice ] what the fuck is a sick day? Neither. Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Again, neither. Who sucks up to their boss? Ugh, Cee can but she’s very opinionated at work and that’s one of the reasons her boss likes her. Sebastian doesn’t really have a boss. What are their jobs? Cecelia is fashion editor at British Vogue, eventually becoming Creative Director. Sebastian is… CEO of Moriarty Co. I guess? King of Crime also works though. Who stresses the most? Cee. Shoes are much more stressful than crime. Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Celia really really loves her job, like, would die for her job, is killing herself for her job. Sebastian does to a point, his work is hard and he’s not overly interested in being the boss. He also just doesn’t want to have someone dictating what he can and can’t do. He’s happier when he can take a step back from it, his job isn’t his life or his passion, while Cee does not understand that at all. Are your muses financially stable? Very. Their finances also are not that dependent on their jobs; Celia has various trusts and Sebastian was a good saver when working for Jim.

𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄.Who does the washing? Sebastian. Who takes out the trash? Sebastian. Who does the ironing? Sebastian. Who does the cooking? I’ll give you three guesses. Sebastian. Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Cecelia. It’s not even an inability to cook, it’s just a complete lack of interest and a tendency to get distracted while cooking. Who is messier? Cee kicks off her shoes at the door when she gets home and Seb trips over them every time. Although Cee really does hate a messy house, she just… doesn’t really keep it tidy. She leaves her books and mugs of tea and paperwork and clothes everywhere.Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Actually, this might be Seb. Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Cecelia. Who forgets to flush the toilet? Neither, usually one of the girls. Who is the prankster around the house? Kind of neither, although Seb is more likely to help the girls with something to get Cee. Celia do dumb shit occasionally but not often. Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Cecelia, “fuck, they’re in my other handbag!” Or Vi took them to add to her collection of shiny things. Who mows the lawn? Sebastian, with his top off, because his wife is watching. Who answers the telephone? Whoever is closets, usually Cee. Who the hell would be calling for Sebastian, he has no friends. Also, his work people never call the house. Who does the vacuuming? Sebastian. But honestly, I think they have a cleaner. Who does the groceries? Celia usually does an online shop, if they actually go to a supermarket they usually go together. Sunday family outing at Waitrose, super fun. Who takes the longest to shower? Cecelia. She can shower quickly but she loves a long hot shower. Even if they have a shower together, which they often do, Cee will be the first to get in and the last to get out. Seb turns on the hot tap to hurry her up sometimes. Who spends the most time in the bathroom? Cecelia, without a doubt.

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂.Is money a problem? No but only because Cee is so bloody wealthy, she still spends way too much. I feel like Seb does get on at her for spending money, but not because they’re short of it or because it’s his and she’s spending it but just because she buys the dumbest things or another pair of shoes; no one should be able to spend eight grande in a day but… How many cars do they own? A few. They have a family car, which is probably a Range Rover or something of that ilk and Cee has a couple cars in storage, she’s a bit of a speed demon and then Sebastian probably has more than one. Basically a lot for a woman who pretty much always gets a town car to work and for a couple who live in London. Do they own their home or do they rent? They own both their homes. Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? Deep in the countryside. Do they live in the city or in the country? Both! They have a home in London which is sort of their main house because that’s where they work and where the girls go to school but they have the country house; their favourite house and that feels more like home these days. Do they enjoy their surroundings? Seb is happier in the country, Cee is marginally happier in the city but loves being in the country; that feels more like home to her. What’s their song? So cheesy but, Taylor Swift’s You Belong With Me. From the good old days of Cee trying to convince he would be better off with her, rather than Jim. She will still dramatically sing along to this song, prancing around Seb, making up new lyrics so they fit in better with her and Jim, “ALL THIS TIME HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW BAAABBYYY!” What do they do when they’re away from each other? Seb and Cee are pretty independent people, they’re happiest when they’re together but Celia enjoys her time away from husband and kids as much as any normal person. She likes going out with friends and she loves going to Paris and New York for fashion week. Seb gets more into going out for drinks and guy chat with Aidan, John and Mike. They text a lot though, little life updates, teasing each other, mostly flirting with each other like teenagers who just fell in love though. Where did they first meet? A bookshop called Topping’s Books in London. How did they first meet? Sebastian offers her out Romeo and Juliet and asked if this is what she was looking for, Cee said she was looking for Hamlet. That conversation became one about which Shakespeare play was the best, which became a coffee date, which became a dinner date. This would have all been very cute if it wasn’t a clever plan that Seb and Jim had come up with to get to Sherlock’s sister and use her against the detective. Who spends the most money when out shopping? Easily Cecelia, easily. Seb knows she’s had a down day if he trips over Dior shopping bags left in the hall. Her card has no limit. Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Cecelia, she would flash Seb across a room. Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? Both, although Cee looks like a baby giraffe learning to walk when she’s drunk and you can’t not laugh at that shit. Any mental issues? How long you got? Both Celia and Seb suffer from PTSD, although Cee has better control, or at least sees a therapy more often. Cee also suffers from bouts of manic depression and has a lot of anger issues, so does Seb but they tend to come out in different ways. Cee and Seb, and their children, are both shelter and storm for each other. Who’s terrified of bugs? Neither, but Cee does get creeped out when they’re in the house. Who kills the spiders around the house? Cee takes real joy in crushing spiders, mostly when she imagines they’re Moriarty in the middle of his web. However, she also puts cups over them sometimes and waits for Seb to get home and deal with it. Their favourite place? The country house, with the house full, probably in the garden. Who pays the bills? Mycroft managed Cee’s bills for most of her like, or at least managed the accountant who managed her bills, and this went on for about a year until Seb found out. He was asking about a discrepancy with a bill and Cee just shrugged and told him to ask Myc. Obviously, he wasn’t having Mycroft running his household so now Sebastian does.Do they have any fears for their future? All the fears. All the normal fears for parents plus a whole host of others because of Seb’s work and Cee’s family. Sebastian and Cecelia aren’t exactly your dream parents mental health-wise and they worry about how that is going to affect the girls when they grow up. It’s also hard to see Vi and Lia growing up and not think of Charlotte and how it’s possible they might suffer the same fate because of Seb’s work. Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Cecelia! Kids in bed or staying with Mary and John, she’s maybe cooked, or maybe… got someone to cook? A night in just to themselves, you can’t beat it. Well, actually, a night in Paris would beat it but…. Who uses up all of the hot water? I would say Cecelia but I feel like she made sure they had a heating system where that wasn’t possible, it’s 2020 people, that can’t still be a thing?Who’s the tallest? Sebastian, he’s over six foot and Cee is just under. Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Cecelia, maybe, but they quote often shower together. It saves time, plus they’re wet and naked? Score. Who wanders around in their underwear? Neither, not with kids running around. Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Cecelia, although sometimes they duet and it’s truly awful. They don’t even sing, they butcher classic songs. What do they tease each other about? Other people fancying them, constantly. Seb is always winding up Cee, telling her about all the mum’s at school staring at him. Cee sends him selfies with young hot models with things like, “thinking about trading you in for this.” Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Cee likes the way Seb dresses, so oddly, for all her fashion awards, maybe Seb? Not often, if ever, but maybe she’ll wear something a little out there and he’ll question it. Cringing is a bit strong though. Do they have mutual friends? Seb has adopted Cee’s friends because he didn’t have any, sorry Seb! Although they did both know Mikey, who is Cee’s assistant’s husband but also owns the private London gym that Sebastian goes to. Mikey and Seb weren’t really friends beforehand though, that came from hanging out through Cee and Syd and the children. Now they quite often hang out with Mary and John. John and Sebastian get on really well. Who crushed first? [ cee voice ] ‘Bas did, obviously, look at me? (but also, Cee did). Any alcohol or substance-related problems? Sebastian has had his problems in the past and occasionally, they creep into his present. Celia’s drinking and drugs problem are still pretty prevalent, although she’s high functioning. Although she is aware she needs help, she doesn’t actively seek it because she knows to come off drugs and drink will be very hard. Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Cecelia. Although Seb is more likely to be called out to come to pick her up, drunk, at 3am, demanding they stop at Mcdonalds. Who swears the most? Sebastian but not by much, their both bad for it.

#asteriananthologies #( i. message )

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 5 years

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hey so remember like last year when i was re-reading misadventures and fixing typos? (well, i say that, but it was just an excuse to re-read it and write some absolutely absurd commentary on it...) i found old notes in my phone from january with even more so guess i may as well post it because people seemed to find it funny at the time, it’s basically just The Misadventures of Aish Realizing Things though

[yeah so here’s the original notes i’m not even gonna change anything even though lots of Lore has happened in the show and we Know things now, you just get to see what january aish typed]

ok well let’s go then chapters 31-35 oh god

oh yeah the ML Blackout! I remember that

hm it’s occurring to me maaaaaybe I should post a bit of a warning on this chapter. like “yes this starts off stupid and cracky and fluffy but takes a complete 180 in the middle and you will end up sobbing.��

or maybe I should put that as a disclaimer on the whole fic cause it’s one hell of a ride

THE AROACE SCIENCE JOURNAL YESSSSSSS THAT COMES BACK LATER

yeah the reason why the early parts of this chapter are very lighthearted is honestly because the fic was getting a bit too bleak, I needed something cheerful, so paper planes and arm wrestles it was

wait... isn’t this just that scene from Anansi??? where like Nora challenges Nino to an arm wrestle but then he wins because Someone Else Nearby Did A Thing

also this is Peak characterization, damn Aish, you rly outdone yourself, congration

any time I drop the word “inkling” into a fic it is always 100% a splatoon reference

MAX WOW TONE DOWN THE GAY

heh... BI-ceps...

oh my godddd Max trying to play off his ogling as “ah yes I am scientifically studying Kim’s arm muscles ofc, it’s science I swear” is SO frickin funny I’m already losing it

Alix: “scientifically speaking I’m hot therefore you have to lose this arm wrestle” hshdhdghshskkjkdhshs

^literally the kind of nonsense every single teen I know spouts irl

including me when I was a teen, I just said things

(I still just say things)

you can’t bring up the sports bra thing goddammit, I agree it’s cheating because it has the power to one-hit kill anyone in the vicinity

I love how Max thinks his crush on Kim is “under control” while like. visibly swooning over him

OH MY GOD THE PILLOWS SHHDJDHDHDHSKHS

OKAY SO LIKE I was supposed to put the thing about Kim snogging a pillow in chapter 20 but I forgot or something and then I just had to get it in somehow, oh it kills me dead just thinking about it, I’m dying, I’m dead

and the fact that he admits to it as well, holy moly

KIM

K I M

THAT’S GAY

OH WOW

this is the moment when Alix’s Kimax shipper heart was suddenly feeling validated like “omg wait Kim DOES like Max??? like for real??????”

awwwww Kim, Max doesn’t have those kind of superpowers, you just have a crush on him that’s all <3

THE SKATEBOARDING SNEK!!!!!!!!!!!!

“What the heck is that?” “My snake.” DYINGGGG

Kim trying to figure out if the snake is sitting or standing is a whole mood

ohhhhhhhh my gosh poor Alix trying so damn hard to subtly ask Kim if he likes Max and Kim’s just. so DUMB he doesn’t even get it no matter how obvious she is

she’s even trying to pull out those stupid amatonormative “so is he MORE than a friend???” questions just to get this idiot to figure it out because she knows allo-romos are Like That and he still doesn’t get it,,

[future aish says: the word is alloro, past aish. it’s alloro]

AND SO NOW SHE ASSUMES THEY’RE NOT INTO EACH OTHER BECAUSE SHE THINKS EVEN KIM CAN’T BE THAT STUPID

YOU UNDERESTIMATE HIS STUPIDITY

oh no... oh NO.... the letter.... here we go....

btw yes Gabriel had Kim’s grandad assassinated, it was indeed his doing

...isn’t this lowkey the plot of The Lion King?

or Long Live The Queen

hmmm let’s just say in the sequel poor Kim really will have to deal with the stresses of ruling a country >:D

NO MY POOR SON HAVING A BREAKDOWN, I WANT TO HUG HIM

(also can I just say like... this chapter is actually well-written for the most part? I’m actually kinda impressed)

unfortunately I know the feeling of wanting, needing to return home, but it fills you with dread... *hugs Kim forever*

Kim crying all over Max both hurts me and sort of heals me because Max is so sweet and comforting about it ohhh my heeeaaart

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

THIS IS LOWKEY A LOVE CONFESSION I SWEAR, IT’S SO CUTE

chapter 32 being called “Un chat noir” is kinda dumb af but also it just so happened that I accidentally had the chapter called “Coccinelle” be chapter 64, aka exactly double of 32, so that was kinda neat

Plagggggg!!!!!!!!!!

and Wayhem lol, I think I’ve already mentioned how originally this noble was just some random irrelevant unnamed OC until I decided way later it’s gay stalker fanboy

oh yeah that’s how the nobility recognize the royalty, I forgot lol

(also nobles from countries with widespread newspress or tv will recognize them from news reports and stuff I guess)

the fact that Plagg just hates Wayhem is funny to me for some reason

MISADVENTURES

HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY THREW IN THE ACTUAL WORD

except it was in reference to Adrien... let’s just say that The Misadventures of Imperial Prince Adrien may or may not make an appearance in the sequel >:D

...the Adrienette is literally just in this fic so that people would read it, ngl

hhhhhhhhhhhh okay it’s true Alix is an aro idiot who doesn’t know anything about romance but for once she’s RIGHT, Kim IS in love with Max, but she assumes she’s wrong hshgshdjhdnsnsh

oh my god noooo timeline twin go away and stop giving me nightmares

I still love how they hate each other, that’s some top-notch self-hatred right there and I need to get on their level

[future aish note: no past self!! be nice to yourself!! you are a cool bean!! own it!!]

YOU FOOL... EVERY CLASSMATE WOULD TAKE A SWORD TO THE HAND FOR ALIX, WHY WOULDN’T THEY

ỳïķèš,,,

honestly I probably should stop being lazy and actually go back to like idk chapter 8 and put in an actual monopoly game (it had to have been before the oracle sessions in ch10 at least)

fun fact!! I have indeed very nearly had a fist fight over the last dark blue card in a monopoly game!! also I blatantly cheated, and the main opponent locked someone else (an 8 year old btw) in a cupboard... it was Wild(TM)

me and my irl friend actually came up with the butterfly thing when we were at the cinema once, she made up this random angry gardener OC who stepped on a butterfly after being fired or something lol

I mentioned Rose liking unicorns!!!! before Captain Hardrock!!!!!!!

shdhdhkshs Alix is such a moody emo brat in this fic I adore it

“The only real difference between you and me is one dead butterfly.” goddammit that’s the creepiest fucking thing, I’m genuinely shaking

technically it’s a butterfly’s fault for ALL the timelines which means that we’re all one butterfly away from death at any moment

cheerful stuff

no, no, you’re not trying to block it out on purpose... I’M trying to block it out on purpose bc I’m highkey shamelessly projecting

god I wish my timeline twin would manifest in the astral plane and punch me in the arm too

“Count yourself lucky you’re not a pillow, idiot.” in-context this is contender for Most Cursed Line I Have Ever Written In My Life

and yes Alix was about to straight-up swear

Mylène rollerskating is extremely blessed and good

pfffffffff Max you coward, I stand on swivel chairs all the time

*me, chanting at the spider in my room* KIMAX! KIMAX! KIMAX!

Kim literally making every excuse to not put Max down is amazing honestly

Kim and Max’s origins story is sooooooooooo cute wtf

THIS IS SO BLESSED OH MY HEART

HE’S JUST STANDING THERE CUDDLING HIM I’M

DECEASED

I,,,, swear to god,,,,,,,

so like. I know it’s now canon in the show that Kim really is as oblivious to his feelings as I wrote him in this. but MY GOD. IT’S FRIGGIN PAINFUL

KIM YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH MAX, FULL HOMO, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE FEELING LIKE THIS, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED DAMMIT

oh yeah I wrote the kimax bits rly early and my old url was @queenkubdel haha

aight now a no-kimax chapter, but at least it’s a goodun

there’s that catradora-esque weather girls frenemyship again

Kim having a full-on breakdown when he finds out Alix’s hair isn’t really pink is actually really blessed, no lemme explain

so this universe has magic, right?? so he thinks to himself that the reason his friend has pink hair is because she must be some sort of anime protagonist or Really Important and Cool or something, and it never even occurred to him to doubt her

in other words he’s betrayed because he WANTED HIS FRIEND TO BE A COOL SHONEN HERO

which is both hilarious AND very sweet

...oh wait I’ve scrolled down and it turns out I literally explained all that in the fic itself hhdgjdvzjdjhs

and yeah honestly I can’t blame poor Kim for taking it so badly, he’s still reeling from his grandfather’s assassination so it’s natural his emotions are not exactly Regulated atm

actually when are his emotions ever regulated

1703-1899 hm... might change that since the fic takes place in 1957-1960 so even though it’s a commissioned history of the empire it was before Gabriel was even born so like why would he even care lmao

“Great Western Ocean” so pretentious, just say the Atlantic omg

I’ve been playing way too much civ because the first thing that came to mind was that everyone’s denounced Agreste due to the high warmongering penalties of the industrial/modern eras

Chloé and Kim is one hell of a brotp okay I still firmly believe that

also Chloé still loves her rococo fashion, she’s just toned it down enough that she can fit through doors and it’s not quite as “in your face” towards commoners

listen I know in the show Kim still liked Chloé for a while after Dark Cupid but in this he got over her quicker because his crush on her wasn’t as deep in the first place

Kim literally tells Chloé he gave the brooch to Max and yet STILL doesn’t realize he likes him!!! KIM!!!!!!!!!!

Chlodemption arc yesssssssss

also she’s a lesbeean

(ye Pollen will be in the sequel don’t you worry)

god I’m so proud of her <3

it feels believable too, so I’m proud of myself!! (I’m trying to be nice to myself before next chapter where I will no doubt roast myself so badly I’ll never recover)

outdated laws about marriage... jeez was that cursed foreshadowing or what

YES IT’S IVAN, I LOVE THIS BOY, HE’S SO GRUMPY AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME AND HE HATES KIM

...actually wait this is sibling culture

I literally speak like this to my brother and he’s my best friend so in conclusion Ivan thinks of Kim as an annoying brother

Jalil why are you a historian. just go be a psychologist and stop your sister accidentally hecking up the country

omg the Antarctica thing, I’m just imagining Jalil in the freezing cold with a massive coat on and getting chased by penguins

I love how the timeline twin’s plan was “escape school, force Adrien to get a venomous pet, then abandon him immediately in the middle of nowhere” and later on it turns out she skipped step two and just ditched him lmaoooooo

being so ace that your brain goes straight to “death and murder” before anything else is the biggest mood, I speak from experience

Jalil knows... he had that conversation with Kim in chapter 20... he Knows

“a bit unsupportive” um that is an extreme understatement good grief he was more savage than ME

RISE OF THE KIMAX SHIPPERS

oh don’t worry the venom death still haunts me too

chapter I Hate You... “A rather rotten winter party” well it should have been named A RATHER ROTTEN CHAPTER DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPOSSIBLE THIS ONE WAS TO WRITE OMG I HATE WRITING MYSELF INTO CORNERS

you see I had to have a motive for the timeline twin to explain things properly so that I could put in a really really dumb pun later but that meant I had to unfortunately suffer many allergic reactions again

[future aish note: forgot to mention, i also needed a motive for kim to stop eating chocolate forever, so i had to Curse this chapter as a sacrifice in order to save his life later on]

alright, alright, here we go, I’ll stop procrastinating and just get this over with

oh yeah it’s chapters like these that the fic’s rated T lol

the Adrikim friendship is indeed important... for later... like, plot-relevant levels of important... life-saving levels...

“some event” is the Peace Ball actually and I can’t wait because that chapter’s actually a good one

KIM BRAGGING ABOUT KISSING ADRIEN LAST YEAR IS SO FUCKING FUNNY OH MY GOD I’M LOSING MY MIND???

like last year he was LITERALLY LIKE “oh boo hoo I cannot tell anyone about this because Adrien is Ã Bøyê” and now he’s just like “yeah I kissed a hot boy and what about it???”

to be fair he is on an extreme sugar rush from all the chocolate he ate, which will... be a plot point in just a moment...

PILLOW GIRLFRIEND

I’m the amused nobles, they are me

oh my god Kim we get it you want to kiss someone (Max) and you don’t want to outright say it

holy shit do any of these kids ever think before they speak??? not to sound like the timeline twin or anything but alix... you could have avoided this if you’d bothered to use your one (1) brain cell

[future aish note: bold of me to assume that alix has a brain cell]

Kim wants to now fight his PARALLEL SELF oh my god, get on my level Kim, I want to fight my actual self like right now so there

stfu all of you, this is poisoning my liver

Max is the biggest mood and at least mildly sensible thank god, but he really shouldn’t have left those two alone for even a second

I AGREE PLATONIC LOVE IS UNDERRATED

the chair... the fucking c h a i r... I’m already lying down but I need to lie down harder just to process the absurdity of this

(I think I was gonna have Alix fall off the chair just because that’s hilarious but I forgot)

look I can’t take heartrate seriously but if you ever write it then you are legally required to put in kissing contests or you’re doing it wrong

fudgin Adrienette kiss offscreen and irrelevant

DJWIFI!!! AND ACTUAL PROPER DJWIFI!!!! I was sick of seeing it treated as some kind of pair-the-spares beta couple so I flipped the script and had them literally call out that trope while treating Adrienette as irrelevant instead, which is also why the sequel will be extremely djwifi-centric

“super swanky bae” please stop misusing commoner slang I’m begging you

THERE’S THE PLOT POINT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

Theo was right here, he witnessed with his own eyes how much chocolate Kim ate, so he knows for a fact that if you give Kim chocolate he will scarf it down without a second thought... so hypothetically if one sent him poisoned chocolates... dyou see where I’m going with this...

oh and Theo still has like every job btw

Alya!!!! no!!!!! hire him again!!!!!!!! then he won’t send the chocolates!!!!!!!!!! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

there goes me hinting how alyadrininette is the ultimate ot4 again

...do I really wanna scroll down and keep going? no I don’t but I guess I gotta, and relive every one of my most embarrassing school sleepovers in the process

full offence to everyone bothering to read this but kissing sounds gross, actually

(for the record it was probably like... 10 seconds or something idk it was Not Long At All)

“probably not more than 5 minutes” omg I just said it was 10 seconds??? hmmm m okay like 20 seconds maaaybe, Kim just has no sense of time perception

neither do I based on my microwaving skills

SHIT THIS IS LITERALLY A SCHOOL SLEEPOVER

INNOCENT DUMBASS AROACE ASKING “what does that mean? what’s this? what’s that? it’s okay you can tell me :-)”

omg I forgot the snake was there ahshdhdkshfs I’m the snake, probably wants to launch itself out of the window so big mood

most of the fic so far had Alix being really aro so I was like damn... gotta make her really ace too

(if I ever bother writing the Kimdine AU then you actually get an aro character who isn’t ace, because we need more of them, but I won’t say who) (okay fine it’s Luka)

I tend not to be too British in my writing so as not to give the Americans heart attacks whenever they see someone referring to their mother as “mum” etc, but like... sometimes you just gotta throw in the word “snogging”

(I’m typing this out on my phone rn and it has exactly 69% battery, I hate this and also hate that I felt the need to mention that)

THE HOCKEY THING MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BASED OFF A REAL LIFE THING. *SWEATS NERVOUSLY*

honestly I was soooooo tempted to actually write The Talk bit, it would have been the funniest thing ever, but I was also 99% sure I would have to change the rating to M (despite it not even remotely being smut lol, just a regular biology lesson) and there was no way I was doing that, pretty sure I pushed the T rating at some points as it is

[future aish: god i am still so tempted to write it. man, i’m tempted. it would be the funniest thing. but no... i have sworn not to write anything above a T rating so guess i won’t.]

YEAH THE THROWING UP THING TOO WAS DEFINITELY NOT BASED ON REAL LIFE OR ANYTHING *MORE NERVOUS SWEATING*

(it genuinely wasn’t a flowerpot though. it’s my life’s goal to throw up in a flowerpot and I still haven’t achieved it.)

all of this is an Ace Mood(TM)

also I love how elaborately I’ve worded this, like yeah idiot royal teenagers are too royal and posh to ever bother just saying the word “sex” like a normal person

to any 17 year old aces: you aren’t too young to know, I told myself that aggressively when I was 17 but now I’m 22 and I’m still just as ace as I always was sooooo yeah

I also hope I can wake up tomorrow and forget I read this trash

well tbh... it’s not total trash... it highkey reminds me of my school days, like, maybe that was subconscious or something... god who even knows

jeez if timeline twin slapped me in the face I’d just keel over and die from sheer terror, other than that that’s HILARIOUS

timeline twin: “YOU HAVE ONE (1) BRAIN CELL NOW P L E A S E CONSIDER USING IT”

fuckeninf hell listen,,, so when I was writing this chapter I didn’t know I was aro... I mean, I was kinda questioning it?? but all I knew was I was ace, and that me not knowing that as a teenager almost totally screwed me over because like

to be normal or to feel normal there’s things you do or say that you don’t want, and things you know would happen or whether you want something or not you’ll take it because you think you’re expected to, because otherwise you’ll have to confront yourself with the fact that something is wrong with you and you don’t know what or why or how to fix it

and being aro on top of that is misunderstanding how to navigate close friendships because of this fundamental fear that if you want to be close with someone then friendship can’t suffice, that how much you care about them doesn’t matter

and things I did or almost did, or had the chance to do and only stopped because (awfully enough) crippling anxiety which ironically saved me (let’s just say the dude turned out to be a creep)... yeah basically this is all a callback to that aroace teenager feel where you can’t help not being true to yourself because you don’t want to, because you don’t know what’s wrong or right, only what’s “normal” and the ache of knowing that you’re not, no matter how much you try

and I didn’t know I was aro while writing this but in hindsight it’s easy to see how that played into it too, and writing this definitely played a part in me realizing I’m aro and was somehow trying to work through some very pent-up feelings about friendship and closeness with people, as well as pent-up feelings about being ace and how that tied into everything too

...in short, do not phuck the pharaoh or you will get HOUSE ARRESTED and DIE

(jk jk she’ll just be awkward around you forever lol, and then SHE’LL get house arrested and die, because you’re not commoners so your actions actually have consequences you dumb idiots)

this entire thing is just a whole mood and lowkey my teenage years holy fuck holy fuck I hate that I’m only just realizing how bloody hard I was projecting

I literally read a post the other day about how unrequited love is only ever usually explored from the perspective of the person who’s in love, whereas aros are usually on the receiving end of it and it’s a tragedy in its own right that you might do things that wind up driving you apart because you can’t bring yourself to love them back but you can’t tell them because of the fear that it’ll push them away... and I gotta say, I totally nailed it 💪

...you know what I’ve changed my mind, chapter 34 is good actually, and now I need to make a time machine and go and hug my 17 year old self for living this, and then hug my 20 year old self for writing this, I’m sorry I was mean to this chapter it’s very relatable and I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it

thinking makes me miserable too!! that’s why it’s optimistic nihilism only lads

impulse control, hmmm... someone who’s good for him, hmmmmmm... it’s almost like someone like that is right there and exists and is already in love with him 😏

so apparently timeline twin’s idea of “fixing her life” is burning all her bridges and then hecking off to the Kazakh wilderness for over a year

did Alix just... ask the snake if it’s aroace too???

I mean it definitely is, but...

UGH SNAKES DON’T BLINK, I’M STILL SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS

chapter 35, thank god, the title “Finally!” is very apt

(because I can finally change the music from Death Valley to something else lol)

oh poor Max, his heart goes on a real rollercoaster these few chapters doesn’t it? it’s okay buddy, in like 10 chapters you’ll get your man...

NO BUT SHE H A S FIGURED IT OUT!!! SORT OF!!!

I just misread “despite” as “despacito”, I’m going to bed and continuing this tomorrow dammit

alright I am now funky refreshed and ready to roll, let’s get this kimax party started

Max is angsting internally like “no one’s realized I like Kim :( well except Juleka but she’s a lesbian so she doesn’t count” ashgdjsghskk that mlm/wlw solidarity is holding out I see

YES ALIX YOU DO NEED TO TALK TO NATH MORE, THAT’S YOUR FREAKING BEST BUD IN THE SHOW MAY I REMIND YOU

this is all so Irony it’s murdering me dead

okay yeah I’m gonna be really honest and salty here for a second, this bit where Max is annoyed that Alix takes Nath more seriously as a contender than him was me being a bit salty over the fact that like... kimnath/tomato ketchup is a great rarepair but got so weirdly popular amongst people who didn’t seem to care about Max as a character at all despite how close he is with Kim in canon, and as a Max Stan it made me sad because he’s already not very appreciated in fandom

[future aish note: HE IS NOW BABEY!]

THERE IT IS

I WANT TO HUG MAX TOO, BLESS HIM

I also want to hug Alix because godddds I’ve been in that situation where if you were allowed to just TELL the idiots that they like each other then all their problems would be solved but noooo, you’re sworn to secrecy... *sigh*

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t change, ever...” me: *thinks about the sequel and cackles evilly while cracking my knuckles* well,,

A R O M A N T I C

listen it was VERY IMPORTANT to me that I actually put in all these actual words in the fic and made them relevant, like gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc (I think the only one I didn’t was trans, oops?? gotta remember that for the sequel, at least Nino IS trans in this even though I never said the word)

[future aish note: i feel like i didn’t say pan either, or nonbinary... more stuff for the sequel folks! i can’t put in everything but i may as well try!]

bc you see all these tv shows where a character is bi but they say they “don’t like labels” or a character with no love interest get suddenly paired up with someone random at the end... like NO I wanted to do the OPPOSITE of that bc people’s identities are IMPORTANT so I wanted to MAKE IT RELEVANT 💪

and even though I didn’t yet know here that I was aro and highkey projecting, there’s already a fair few fics dealing with asexuality but not aromanticism?? so I rly wanted to make the aro side of things important

almost relieved??? Max, you buffoon, she IS relieved, extremely

Malix friendship is good and severely underrated and I still haven’t forgiven myself for not putting more of it in this

“He was never eating chocolate again” HO-HO-HOLY SHIT THAT’S SOME FORESHADOWING RIGHT THERE

Rose is a distinguished bi who doesn’t realize Kim is a disaster bi

Kim oh my god you can’t just out Adrien “just about functional bi” Agreste like that

I love that Rose calls Kim a casanova even though he’s very much not... how many people are even into him over the course of the fic? Max, Adrien, it’s implied Marinette used to be, Lila is ambiguous, same with the lacrosse guy later, oh yeah Ondine highkey lmao along with 90% of the teenage population of Saharan Africa, Kim himself in about 2 chapters time...

Rose giving Kim the gay talk is so blessed omg I need more interaction between these two

“If you swung one way you were gay, if you swung the other way you were straight, more than one way made you bisexual, if you didn’t swing any way at all then you were probably just Alix...” I will literally NEVER be able to outdo this line, this is Peak

hmm I don’t think at any point in the fic Max says to Kim that he’s exclusively into boys... I guess he said it offscreen then lol, point is He’s Gay

OMG KIM, YOU FINALLY REALIZED WHAT THE NOSEBLEED SCENE MEANT, GOD BLESS YOU

this is like in Syren when he realizes the mermaid is Ondine and that she was trying to tell him she likes him... except this is the gay version of that

yeah Rose I really do need to get more sleep, that one was directed at me and I know it was

Kim being all like “fellas is it gay if you take off your shirt and a guy swoons at you 🤔🤔🤔”

no, no... Max is definitely a complete trainwreck at romance, just slightly less than you

god freaking dammit not the sports bra again,,, I s2g later in the fic all Ondine would have had to do is to show up in a sports bra and Kim would immediately go full ot3 mode no questions asked,,,,,,,, (I mean he does see her in a swimsuit but that’s not the same??? sports bras are in a different league okay shush)

psssssst!!! you should read heartbroken!!!! it’s a kimax fic and it’s so good!!!!! this was a lowkey shoutout!!!!!!!!

genuinely tho, even if Kim hadn’t liked Max too here, he’s being so sweet about it?? he’s worried about his poor friend’s emotional state and wishes he could have done better to help!! gahhhh their friendship/relationship is just So Blessèd

hsndhkdhdkshdh I only noticed it after finishing the fic and occasionally skimming back through, but so much of the time whenever Alix shows up Kim’s all like *ungrateful* “oh not you again” like WOW that’s one way to greet your friend?? mood tho

[future aish note: i did the exact opposite in No Romo, funnily enough! kim’s not in it much but whenever he sees alix he’s like “friend!!! friend!!!!!” and she’s just like -_- “oh it’s that guy again”]

he’s not even paying attention to her omg she’s trying to save the timeline here you idiot

POOR ALIX how frustrating,,, and also I’ve literally been there,,, the woes of being a wing-girl indeed

and now Kim wants to fight himself, why am I not surprised

aND YES HERE’S WHERE IT HITS HIM, THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT

WHERE HE’S SUDDENLY LIKE “OH WAIT MAX’S LOVE FOR ME ISN’T UNREQUITED??? I LIKE HIM TOO HOLY SHIT????”

aaaaaaand he immediately asks the aro for love advice, why is he like this omg

gosh this is sooooo sweeeeeet

I did not let up, did I? just went ahead and made this as cheesy and cutesy and over the top as I could because It’s What Kimax Deserves

(there wasn’t rly much Kimax content yet in the fandom at this point so I had total free reign and went all-out with it)

sfjsgskdhs and there goes Alix getting her wing-efforts sidelined again

“I’m never asking out someone on a whim again. Or, uh, confessing that I like someone on a whim either.” so uh... you know how I said I’m considering making the sequel Kimaxdine? well if I do then uh. hm. this might change. because reasons.

I don’t know why I made nothing Alix ever says make sense but I’m glad I did because she’s so freaking funny

I swear I talk about Max’s eyes being “magnified in his glasses” multiple times in this fic, either that or I’m having serious deja vu

Kim’s so cute dammit!!! now that he knows he likes Max he’s just swooning over every little thing and it’s!!!! adorable!!!!!

(I wonder if this is how it was with Kimdine in the show? it does seem like Kim already liked her but just hadn’t noticed...)

huehuehuehue Kim later on you do indeed recklessly propose to Max on the spot... in like 18 chapters or so

also the fact that Kim thinks things through better when he’s around Max is just the total sweetest and also what Alix was basically trying to aim for

I love Kim showing off that he can pack all his stuff in half an hour like buddy, the porters can literally help you with that, you’re royalty remember

omg I’d forgotten I left a note here later for binge-readers!! being all like “drink water and eat food and go to sleep uwu”

lmao guess I’ll take my own advice then and leave it there for now

[future aish note: same, goodnight]

#smalluns proceed with caution. it's T rated remember #it's not dodgy though. just evil and cursed #anyway i'm going to sleep now for like 12 hours #random stuff #misadventures #if you're on the mobile app and the keep reading glitches and you have to scroll then i'm sorry #this is under a cut on desktop i promise

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