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choicesmc · 26 days

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(also love the gif lol) 3 + 13 for the oc of your choosing

I chose Jiahao <3 thank you for stopping by o/ from [this] ask game

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

Jiahao: I always kind of knew. Like when I was a kid, I’d take all the female performers in Just Dance whenever I played and, when I could, I’d wear my older sister’s skirts and heels so there was no question I was genderqueer.

Jia, like she says, was always some flavor of queer but it only adopted the bigender label ~14/15. Younger her insisted that he was just a tomboy but reversed. But, growing older Jiahao quickly realized that no, he wasn’t just a feminine boy but honest to goodness wanted to be a girl. Which. Tossed him into a bunch of different labels such as: genderfluid, genderflux, transwoman etc but none of them sat right.

Around ~11/12, her puberty started and she very quickly realized that she liked the deep voice, the muscle mass –the idea of being a man at the same time she liked the idea of being a woman. But yeah, Jia had always kinda knew until he really knew.

Figuring out gender presentation was a whole different can of worms though.

13. Would your oc be open to a poly relationship? Why or why not?

Jiahao: It’s… it’s on the table, for now.

In all honesty, Jia is still figuring out what he likes romance + sexuality wise. He’s toyed with the idea of it before, but it’s never been particularly attractive or not to him. Polyamory is one of those things he’ll just have to like to experience to know whether or not it suits him.

What she does know is: she wouldn’t mind being a monogamous metamour. Basically, she’s not sure whether or not she’d like dating multiple partners but she is fine with her partner having other partners.

#tiny tidbits #asks answered #jet

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askagenderfluidandgenderflux · 6 years

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About the whole, Lesbian/Bisexual thing...

Hey everyone, Rowan here.

First of all, I want to apologize for opening this can of worms, but I feel as though it’s really important for me to address a few things that have popped up in light of that person’s anon about using the lesbian label as a bisexual genderfluid person. This post is going to be long in order to allow a little more nuance- because it is a complicated issue and I’ve seen some,,, really shitty things.

First of all @ the anon that said this: “[name], as a self proclaimed ASEXUAL LESBIAN I think it's really unfair that you say a bisexual can't identify as lesbian.”

This discourse has been had. I strongly believe that whoever sent this ask is an aphobe, so that’s,,, not cool. (side note, if you ARE an aphobe pls unfollow us right the fuck now. This blog is totally cool with the aces and aros.)

Ace folks are allowed to use other labels to expand on their identities. It happens all the time. Ace bi folks exist. Ace pan folks exist. Ace *ahem* lesbians, such as [name], exist. It’s not unfair, only aphobes think it’s unfair, so nice fucking try motherfucker.

Here are my, more fully composed, more nuanced, thoughts on the original anon. Feel free to get mad at me or whatever- I get it, I’m bi so technically I’m not allowed to have an opinion. But keep in mind that I am read up on this discourse, I fucking discourse in my goddamn free time because I like to know the reasons for why people can and can’t say certain things, got it?

So, the original ask that started this whole debacle was

“is it fair to call myself a lesbian even though im genderfluid and bisexual? it only fits sometimes, but it makes me happy when i think about myself that way (bisexual is a very clunky word to me also) “

What I originally said was

“Dear anon, From what i understand of the lesbian discourse, no.If you’re a woman or fem-aligned person, only attracted to other women or fem-aligned people, that’s when it’s okay to use lesbian.I may be wrong, so i would really like some lesbian opinions on this, but that seems to be my takeaway based on your wording and my understanding of the current lesbian discourse

I’d also like to add that I’m not a lesbian so this is really coming from an outside perspective of the discourse, which is part of the reason I’d really like some lesbians opinions on this one.”

Here’s a more nuanced and better explained version of that.

Dear anon,

My reasons for you not using the label lesbian is not in any relation to you being genderfluid- p l e n t y of genderfluid lesbians exist and are perfectly valid (see: identify some of the time as a woman/fem-aligned gender). I’ve seen the discourse, and from my understanding of it, even if they identify as a man part of the time, if they identify also part of the time as a woman/fem-aligned gender they’re allowed to use the label lesbian from the gender perspective.

(that’s the part I’m less read up on so that’s the part where I may be wrong. There are some lesbian circles that do say no matter what if you at all identify with being a man/masc-aligned gender ever you’re not allowed to use lesbian, and I personally disagree but am also not the end-all-be-all person to ask on that part of the discourse).

My problem was you wanting to use both the terms lesbian and bisexual.

The only time, in my opinion, where it would be okay for you to use both labels is where one is for simplicity and one is for people who have a more nuanced understanding of gender & sexuality and could understand where you were coming from. (this is also why this whole discourse is a can of worms. I can’t sit down with you face to face and discuss the nuances of your sexuality and know your whole reasoning for identifying a certain way.)

For instance:

My long label is: trans nonbinary bigender (juxera and proxvir) bisexual, demibiromantic.

For simplicity, I say I’m queer and that I prefer to date women and fem-aligned bisexual folks.

I could see you identifying with both the labels lesbian and bisexual if you’re using bisexual, perhaps, out of respect for fem-aligned nonbinary folks. You truly only are attracted to women and fem-aligned people, but technically that’s two or more genders, and so bisexual fits and you use it. For simplicity, and to evade people who will hear bisexual and assume “men and women” in real life or in quick, less nuanced conversation, you may use lesbian. It gets the job done, and makes sense.

That’s when I think it would be okay to use both labels. If you’re attracted to men/masc-aligned people **at all** though, I don’t think it’s okay to use the lesbian label. Sapphic? absofuckinglootely. I use sapphic all the time, that’s a word that’s not strictly for lesbians to use, it’s for any wlw.

I don’t use the label lesbian for that exact reason. I **am** attracted to men and masc-aligned people. I **prefer** to date women, but I am not strictly attracted to women and fem-aligned nb folks, so it’s not right for me to use that label.

If your attraction is shifting based on your gender, that’s a whole different story with a whole different discourse, but in general, what you just read is what I have gotten out of the lesbian discourse that I’ve read.

In the end, I can’t stop you. Identities are complex and weird and ever-changing, and if you want to identify as a bisexual lesbian, I can’t stop you, nor do I have a whole lot of right to.

I do, however, as a bisexual person, think that if you are bi, you should be proud of that. If you want to use the lesbian label you might want to think if it’s for internally biphobic reasons, or if it truly is just a matter of nuanced identity. Always good to check yourself.

tl;dr:

No, you can’t be a bisexual lesbian save for one, very nuanced exception. Ace folks can be lesbians don’t even get me fucking started. And if you’re genderfluid that’s totally rad fam, you’re allowed to be a lesbian that doesn’t affect it so long as you identify as a woman/fem-aligned part of the time.

{also I don’t think it’s fair that [name] had to fucking,,, explain the reasoning for her identity to y’all. That’s personal, private. Y’all can fucking @ me I don’t even care. Come at us again with this aphobic bullshit and you’ll fucking get it from me. I repeat: aphobes,,,, not welcome on this blog. Stay away from [name]. She’s a saint and I love her,,, protect her.)

-Rowan

#rowan #discourse #long post #lesbian discourse #genderfluid #if i have to turn off anon asks for a bit i fucking will #find me on my personal if you have a problem with me

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