#also been getting sick again so ye
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I have no idea wth is happening but i want in-
Randy: Uh... Is he okay...?
Jake: Yeah don't worry, he'll be fine... I think...
#sup bitches#sorry for the quality- I'm on vacation rn lmao but i wanted to join in on the fun and chaos#so i made this in a hurry with what i had XD#also damn it's been a while since i draw em#I'm a little rusty#secret trio#adjl#rc9gn#danny phantom#danny fenton#randy cunningham#jake long#american dragon jake long#randy cunningham 9th grade ninja#fanart#dannypocalypse#my life have been a mess so excuse me if i take a long while to draw stuff- not to mention trying to find the motivation at all lmao#also been getting sick again so ye#and if i ever went on hiatus for years then assume I'm dead idk i have been getting ominous feelings and signs let's hope I'm wrong! :'D
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Darling, there's a part of me
I'm afraid will always be
Trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life
- Abstract (Psychopomp) by Hozier
#i imagine this as the last thing Arthur thinks before he dies#it's almost that time of the year again guys#I seem to return to my merlin fixation around this time and i am perfectly fine with that#this is one of my favorite songs from his album#have i been playing this album on repeat since it came out?#yes#will i continue to do so until i get sick of this album?#also yes#although its unlikely i'll get tired of it anytime soon#bbc merlin#merlin bbc#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#merlin
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One thing about canto VI is like. I see so many people predicting it'll be about Fighting Evil Wife or Breaking Codependent Toxic Relationship and I just kinda think that would suck? If the major theme isn't grief AND love and the way both are seen as like Kinda Weird/inappropriate in the setting of the city. Then I'll be very sad.
#bell.txt#not putting it in the tag i dont wanna spam but yes limbus posting yes girls will be thinking about mortal regret#LIKE. LIKE. remember the discourse on twt about how like it was bad writing that yi sang didnt mourn dongbaek etc#and like that was the thing right. thsts not a thing you do in the city. that was part of why roland (who takes lots after wh's themes)#was so exceptional. that is the whole thing about the sickness of the city#to say it in comedia literary criticism terms: sins are split between wrongly-directed love and excess of love with sloth (lack of love)#being an outlier. i think heatho and generally og wh is about excess of love and not wrongly-directed love. it is the thing that lasts#all the way to the other side. it is the shared coffin and meeting again in the next life#i think itd be AWFULLY disappointing to get some boring boring 'they make each other worse' take. being APART due to societal pressures#makes them worse and horribly lonely. death makes them worse baby. so in my mind thats it#we get to see cathy die or still be unreachable in some way and then in very roland style we get furioso mode#and then the ending is about recognizing the love that has in fact been there all along and carrying it with u. and hoping to reunite some#where some other time. NO more slander of that awful girl. YES to the comfort of the memories.#me typing over my foscolo notes like i can surely post about heathcliff really fast and not write a novel in the tags (unaware)#i have more thoughts about this in regards to ruina with xiao and some stuff from leviathan but in the meantime. listen to my ramblings boy#ALSO. considering that implication. he feels for her what queequeg feels for ishy. ARGHH. RIPPING MY HAIR OFF#ok actually its been enough hours to not spam ppl I'll tag it now for blog org. i should maybe have a tag for posting specifically#limbus company
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........creachure
#cats#his eyes are always so big and weird he no longer looks like a cat anymore sometimes.. in a way...#it's hard to understand.. complicated vibes on this boy#his summer sprawl (laying flopped out on the floor weird because of the heat)#I AM still trying to get some costumes done and also post another poll advtnure so I can finally finish it lol#the weather this month has just been soooo.... There was the heat wave and then after like 2 days of coolenss where I was like 'ah! finally#I can be productiv!' but just as soon as I had recovered from the heat.. it got hot again ghhhh#currently sweating inside. I actually had to leave my doctors appointment early today because I was just so so warm from#sitting in the car and the fac tthat half the buildings still do not have their air up very high and etc. and I felt so nausous#and flushed and started to get back and stomach pains for some reason.. Which I guess is good in a way to further confirm to doctors that#I Have Something Wrong With Me lol (most normal people should not be this heat sensitive I think) but is also still a little stinky#because I still payed a copay for the fulla appointment time but cit it short by leaving 15minues early.. grrr#ANYWAY. It seems like recently it's just hot all the time but it will ocasionally tempt you with a cool day of reprieve BUT don't let your#guard down! because as soon as you start to think 'hey things are getting better! :0' the sun will be like NO actualy. scalding temperature#be upon ye..#Which of COURSE. I would rather have hot weather with little breaks in between than just constant hot weather. 100% definitely.#but it just always makes me sad because I get my hopes up lol.. JUST as I've recovered from the past heat and am So Ready To Start#On All My Things now That I'm Not As Sick And Hey Maybe It's Even Cool Enough To Do A Costume! .. my hopes are dashed#.. woe and so on and so forth. . Which I am stil managing to get a few things done but just.. not the things I really WANT to do (costumes.#sculptures. edit videos. etc. ).#anyway.. look at son.. If nothing else I still have lots of cat photos.. my sole productivity offerings to the internet online world
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bro what the fuck are they doing with my package
#fun story#i ordered 3 things from hot topic. they shipped but never arrived so a couple weeks later i messaged them abt it#and went back and forth with them for a while bc their customer service agents cant read apparently#before being told i had to call bc one of the things i ordered went out of stock and i was replacing it w smth more expensive#so i call and im on the phone for like a fucking hour missing the 15 minute window i have to eat between jobs#and being on the phone at work for a while lmao#i finally get it done and the guy fucking forgets my apartment number in the shipping address. it's in the billing address tho??#so i email them AGAIN and im like yo your man forgot my apartment number. they cancel that order and place another#the effect this has is that the $14 payment for the more expensive item is cancelled as well. bc again they don't read#so im like sick i will effectively get these $60 pants for $15 (im very good at sales and also manipulating customer service)#but apparently when they replaced the order they put ny apartment number not in the address‚ but as part of my name?????#so i think its fucking up usps. but it came in 2 packages and 1 has arrived so i still have hope. but thats not the end#yesterday guess who fuckin calls me. its hot topic. my original order arrived to the fuckin store in my local mall#and theyre like i think we fucked up bc we just found this package but it says you picked up your order already. do u want it#and i was like yes? not really sure what package to be expecting and its my ORIGINAL FUCKING ORDER#so once this package arrives i will have gotten 2 of the same shirt‚ 2 kiki sign things‚ a sweater‚ and a pair of pants for $40#and i figure i can return one of the shirts and one of the signs that i have duplicates of for store credit of their full price#so anyway yeah. thats been the past 3 weeks for me.
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Literally want to make a YouTube channel just to bitch and moan about the greatest disappointment of my life: animal crossing new horizons
#And no I will actually never get over it#I try to play the game sometimes but I can’t it literally feels like a chore#My house on the game is literally empty because I couldn’t get the furniture I wanted#There is no soul to that game…#Like fine for other games but I don’t play other games 😭 I liked animal crossing cuz it was CUTE#Anyway…..yes I had to log back on here to complain about this again because I’m so mad#I’m home sick and was wanting to play#I’m just gonna turn on new leaf again like fuck this shit#Also fuck the switch!!!! Bullshit ass console!!!!!!!! And I’ve been saying this
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to be completely honest, the stranger things fandom has damn near ruined the show for me lmfao
#and i don't mean in the 'i know too much i can never be satisfied as GA again' way#people are just soooooo fucking petty#and i swear to god nobody in this fandom seems to remember that it's supposed to be... fun???#for them and for everyone else#like. bro. have u considered sitting down and maybe drinking a glass of *insert preferred juice*#people take the stupidest shit tooooooo seriously#also HEAVILY controversial opinion so i'm banking on nobody seeing this lest i get hashtag cancelled:#the vast majority of the characters are pretty bland and have middling chemistry#yes. this includes mike and will#i enjoy them. i like them. i don't think they're BAD. but sweetheart they are not that deep i'm sorry ToT#truly fascinates me how worked up people get over a handful of fictional pubescent suburbanites#yeah i'm losing followers if anybody sees this but i honestly do not give a shit#it might just be the mental illness but i barely care about any of it anymore even on a perfunctory level#i miss stranger things being a show i really really liked without being muddied by how fucking annoying fandoms are#(just in general but indo tend to fall into obnoxious ones and ST is no exception)#honestly half the entertainment i've gotten here has been from participating and half has been from watching other ppl squabble#i guess we all suck. haha#i'll probably be less of a holier-than-thou jackass in a couple weeks when i maybe get new meds#but til then i am honestly so sick of logging onto tumblr and having my dash at least half full of stranger things#i'm sick and tired and bored. i just wanna enjoy my blorbos in the peace of my own mind and then forget about them for a couple of years#maybe the hyperfixation is finally ending#honestly??? i hope so#lexi stfu challenge
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Well my period held out until I made across country but now it simply will not come and im usually like clockwork. Also I am insanely bloated. Related? Unknown. But I would like the menstruation cycle to please kick in already. Sorry I ever insulted you. Please open the floodgates.
#like am I sick?? at what point should I like call a doctor#seriously I’ve never been so bloated in my life#also no. i am not pregnant. I’ve never had sec or anything close to it.#I feel fine otherwise. just bloated and full. kinda felt like my period was about to start and then pfft#just checked my period tracker and it says im only two days late but again like when do you get concerned#anyway advice welcome lol#but no. not pregnant. yes. im sure.#also not menopausal. unless it’s REALLY early menopause.
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Couple of parsley and oat boules plus the start of a corn chowder. One of the boules will be garlic bread-ified for dinner :3
#that was a whole bunch of parsley i put in there... hopefully not too much#i have a ton and its slowly wilting so im kind of just throwing it in everything. not in the soup tho !#food#baking#cooking#also idk how it looks om computer screens but yes they are a bit pale... they werent getting much color in the oven#my justification is that this way once theyve been turned into garlic bread the crust will finish cooking in the oven ?#idk. i am feeling very spacy today. again. so im just glad to have like dinner going at all#i think the spaciness recently because i keep forgetting to eat and also feel sick when i do#normal brain that wants to not feel like shit is constantly whacking me on the head like Hey Eat A Snack Idiot ! or maybe even a meal !#meanwhile the putrid remains of my ED brain are very stoutly refusing to eat and glad im not eating and feeling sick instead#it is. unfortunate.#disordered eating mention
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...
#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable#and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back#i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive#logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt#and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but...#like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her#fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating#bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld 💖 but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a#state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this?#and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid#recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet#but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid#it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off#when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically#a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick#instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway#i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday#idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave#the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was#approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty#bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore 🤷♂️#whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work 😫#unrelated
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christmas is officially over which means i have 364 days to get a life and get too busy to go to family christmas or come up with a really good excuse to never see these people again
#gee how was everyones christmas#my uncle tried to convince everyone that that story r*publicans tell about the furry kid getting to use a litter box#at the school bathroom was true. bc he heard it on j*e r*gan. so of course it’s true#then an entire conversation about pronouns ensued.#they leave tomorrow i literally don’t know if i’ll make it. i’ve been hiding in my room all day bc i have a pounding headache#and also i have my period then i have to listen to that on top of it all. if 2023 isnt looking drastically different by february#i’m killing myself for real#on top of all that too there are 6 of us sharing 1 bathroom and one of my cousins doesn’t wash his hands or flush the toilet so everytime#someone goes in there /i/ have to go in after and sanitize everything like. i’ve never been so happy christmas is over.#also that same cousin is sick bc he’s been coughing for the last 2 days and also leaves his snot tissues uncovered in the trash can and yes#it’s green tmi i know but that means bacteria if i’m not mistaken and anyway i’m so tired of it i am so tired of them i’m just laying low#until they leave. i hate it.#oh! and then i had two computer monitors that my mom gave me bc her job let her keep them when they gave her new ones#and i was like sweet now when i move and finally have space i can have a setup with two monitors bc she. gave. them. to me.#anyway last night my cousin started using her monitor. without asking. and she was like oh ok. .. but u can use these and also u can#take one of them with you when you leave! like what the fuck fr when u gave them to me#and yeah that completely sounds like first world problems i know but it’s like. don’t give things to people…and then…give them…..#away……..#anyway. going back ot my original life plan of marrying rich and dying young and never seeing these people again.
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Progress Update:
It's been a while since I did one of these lol, sorry for the radio silence after the last update and threat to Ravios life, I've been organizing stuff and doing other fun things in the background.
But I've also been stuck at work, August was a busy month for me due to back to school sales (I work in retail) and us having 7 people quit due to going back to school. I'm not mad at them, like I'd rather they get their education then be stuck at retail like me lmao, it's just lead to a lot more work on my plate and a lit more exhaustion then I had before. All of that plus getting Covid for the second time this year has drained the life out of me so making content like I did before is a bit difficult.
__
All that aside tho, as to not leave you in the dark heres the to do list I have:
I'm working on something big for @discarded-grace which is why that's gone dead for the moment.
Once that's done I'm actually going to switch back to Branching timelines to get out an update for that.
Once that's complete I can finish the DTBS update that has already been drafted!
In between I want to do little doodles and such for DTBS to jot only flesh out the story but to get in more bird content that I wasn't able to get in before!
I'm going to try and get this all done as soon as I can tho I am just one person who has a life outside of this. My brain can only do so much, but thank you for being patient with me, I know it's not always easy especially when I have these long breaks, but thank you for sticking around despite that!
I hope to bring you all quality content soon!
#ryss rambles#progress update#divine twili beast sky#branching timeline#but ye lifes been busy#and then theres just depression lol#but thats getting better#also thanks to havig covid for a second time my immune system is shot#so i get sick more easily now#which is fun#but ye imma try and start working on stuff again#like i used to#well not entirely like i used to#cuz that made me very worn out and stressed#but i want to get to a point where i dont have month long breaks between updates and such#is all#so heres hoping
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I did some editing to one of my fics last night for the first time in a long time, and it felt so good to work on it again! I’ve been feeling so off and not like myself for so long, but hopefully I can keep taking little steps to get to where I want to be
#personal#I have also decided not to write from a certain character's pov anymore#which has made going back to this fic easier tbh#but I'm feeling excited about some more things again so that's good#like I was actually excited about making a captain marvel gif set last week#even though I didn't actually get to finish it yet because of technical difficulties#I'm still happy I was happy to be working on it at all#like yes I've been posting edits and stuff regularly but I got so sick of making gifs#which is why I think I've been posting more pic edits vs gif edits#and I haven't been able to get myself to write anything for so long#like I just go to work and come home and like.... sit here lol#but I'm trying to feel like myself again!!
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everyday i wake up against my will n im lettin y’all know now that i’m abt 1 more waking up against my will day away from somehow someway making it god’s personal problem
#blueface baby ayyy#i love my cat but sometimes i am annoyed bc if it wasn’t for his existence i would said sayanora Long ago lmao#i wanna d word i was not supposed to make it past 18 i’m so fucking angry#im not gonna amt to anything in life i’m so scared of it all so pathetic and weak#i’m too weak for this world someone else can have my place i was never supposed to be here anyways hahah i’m not good at anything#i have zero talents ive wasted 10 years of my life writing books and publishing nothing i live in my stupid dreamworld#i don’t know how to hold a conversation i don’t want to go outside i want to rot in my bed i am so sick of myself#also don’t come in my ask box on some wahwahwah stop self pitying crybaby grow up ok bc i’ve literally been telling myself that for years#if someone walked up to me rn n was like here have this euthanasia pill and i knew my cat would#be safe and happy w someone else then yes i would take it in a heartbeat lmao no water necessary !!#im a burden to my family a financial burden all i’m good for is putting more debt unto others how USELESS!!!!!!!!#i have no friends but it’s my fault bc i don’t talk to anyone back i just i can’t#i think subconsciously i’m trying to push everyone further and further away so when i die they aren’t hurt#i don’t want a funeral i don’t want anyone to grieve me i feel like a narcissist even assuming someone would grieve over me lol#i just want to be forgotten about i want everyone to keep living and doing well without me to get in their way#i’m just an obstacle in other ppls lives a hindrance a fucking troll without a riddle just hurtful mean words#i’ll write everyone apology notes#i have so much guilt inside me it’s filled my lungs and heart sometimes i can’t breathe if i think abt all the ppl i’ve hurt by being alive#god put me on this earth to teach ppl lessons abt avoiding ppl like me#fuck god i’m done being his puppet i’m done hurting ppl i’m gonna go away someday and no one will ever hurt again#why do i want to cry i’m so fucking self absorbed why the fuck am i sad abt myself#i think subconsciously there’s something in me that wishes to stay alive and be the positive impact on ppls lives like i always wanted#i always wanted to help ppl and make friends and include everyone and now i’m just so toxic i let younger me and everyone else down so bad#i feel like my mom hated me too right now i feel like she deserved a better prettier smarter funnier more selfless daughter#im ok everyone btw im just being dramatic n venting lol dw i’ll start writing in a journal instead of tags soon#shut up cianna
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LOLLLLL not to liveblog this shit but i asked my s*per visor who is abandoning us (lol) to take a walk with me and she said yes. ok 😃
#purrs#1 week from today. SHE JUST ACCEPTED IT SGDJSFSJGSKDDHKVDKVD 😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵 holy fuck. lollllllll. im goingto cry so hard i **** and she’s gonna b#be like wtf 😐 LOL. um. but like. you are my mentor and my friend and someone i look up to and you are leaving forever and i am literally not#letting you do that without getting to talk bc i litcherally do not have a personal relationship w her anymore and it’s like uh.m. since we#wont have a work or school relationship anymore can we be friends now ok thanks. aughhhh. i asked for a whole HOUR and she said yes LOLLLLLL#us *5 miles away from campus sweating and shaking with exhaustion* me: HOW COULD YPU LEAVE ME crying so hard im foaming at the mouth… her: 🤨#*walks abck to the office at the speed of light without me lol*. im kidding. but omg this is the first walk im going on with just her since#fucking NOVEMVER 1 2018. that is INSANE. how have we not been on a walk since then. this is my first ONE ON ONE WITH HER since like June idk#9 or something 2019. INSANE! sick and twisted. our first actual personal conversation. lollllllll im going to pass out. how can i tell her#how painful this has been and how idk if i would even be alive without her no joke. maybe i don’t say that part. but lol.also the way we#have literally 2 more times guaranteed to ever see each other again. throwing up. dying also#delete later#liteealy the way this woman is the entire fucking reason i was able to exist as i am and she is leaving voluntarily and we haven’t talked#about this at all other than me bursting into tears in front of her 2 weeks ago. lol. yeah no i am getting in on the action like everyone#else. we are going to have a gonversation and it had better be a good one bc otherwise i will be unable to cope#<- will be unable to cope regardless of what happens. but thank god i asked her bc lkke. god. i need to talk to her so bad *bashing head#into wall* *walking into traffic* etc etc. like do you realize this destroys the very fabric of… idk. i sound insane but i promise this#reaction is warranted at least slightly. this is titanic and the timing could not be worse and i am in so much pain. lol
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I’m going to be honest, I’m gonna brag in the tags lol but I’m happy and want to share w someone :)
#my professor is known for being a tough grader but I’ve been doing really well in her class#and she sought me out to ask if I was interested in taking honors thesis early so I ofc said yes!#but during registration I noticed that the class was filled up b4 my time so I emailed her#she emailed back and said that she wouldn’t teach it again until after I graduate so she will personally speak to the registrar#so I got in! and I interpreted tht as her actively wanting to teach me which is helping me ego soar lol#she also said tht I may even be able to be one of her research assistants or go to a conference to present my work w her!#and she also said I might be able to get my thesis published so that’s sick#she’s the head of my major’s department and the head of the honors department so it really does mean a lot#about me
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