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cookinguptales · 8 months

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I found you through AO3 bc your nandermo fics devastated me and really helped kick off my newest special interest and I enjoy your metas a lot. I was sad when I saw your post about being disheartened by lack of interaction. I really struggle to communicate, especially online and especially when going through things, but I wanted to say that I really like what you write and your insight and thank you for creating. I wish I could interact more often and more specifically than leaving kudos. I had a moment of social energy and I wanted to use it to send this since I’ve been thinking about your post for awhile. Sorry for rambling awkwardly, just thanks.

I really appreciate that you put the effort into sending me this message, especially because it sounds like it's not something that's necessarily easy for you to do. That was really kind. Thank you.

I was mostly talking about wider fandom trends and my experiences in other fandoms; like I mentioned in the post, wwdits fandom has actually been one of the best experiences I've had in fandom in years. (Uh. Certain anons aside. lmao.) I get more interaction here than I have in a long time, and it's one reason why I keep writing fic and meta.

I will say that it's still... frustrating, I guess, the way that social media is kind of where fic goes to die these days, even in wwdits fandom. I do still think it's largely because you have to click off the "social" site to read the fic, and AO3 in and of itself was not meant for extensive social interaction. So you do still lose out on the kinds of social interaction that other kinds of fanwork (including meta, for that matter) seem to enjoy.

I would say that the way my meta is received vs. the way my fic is received is drastically different, and I really didn't start making as many friends on tumblr until I started posting it. The fic was definitely not enough, no matter how many people enjoyed it. Again, they might list me as an author that they enjoyed, but not an actual fellow fan that they liked to interact with. I guess that's the part that's a bummer. There is a more collaborative feel to certain kinds of fanwork, and fanfic used to have that feel.

Now, though, it can be very isolating and I do see a tendency to separate author from fanwork. That can feel weirdly like erasure, like people don't want you to exist, only the work you can give them. I've even seen people complain that author's notes exist because they don't want anything to "distract" from the fic. Like an artist existing distracts from the art...? That's frustrating.

I do think it's related to greater trends re: nonconsensual commodification of art, pressure to commodify hobbies, monetization of fandom, art as "content/product" and art enjoyers as "consumer/customer", etc. It does remind me in some ways of the way that people do feel... entitled, I guess? To various artists' output as separated from the artist. (See: misuse of art for AI.)

It does feel extra frustrating to see this forced upon fanfic, though, considering that it's one of the few types of fanwork that still exists in a real legal gray area re: monetization. It's like we get saddled with all of the downsides of commercialization with none of the benefits. I feel like we should be able to opt out of all this commercialization bullshit if we're not even getting paid to deal with the shitty dehumanizing parts. lmao

Ah, I'm getting distracted again.

I guess it's nice to just actually see people talk about something you've created and interact with it. Not just leave a comment to you personally, but show it to their friends, put stuff in the tags, ask questions, start discussions about it, etc. You know, the kind of stuff that happens with other kinds of art on social media. (Meta very much included!) Things that make it feel more like you exist in a community rather than just... idk, putting down something you've made and watching it get consumed absent your presence.

I guess... to extend the metaphor, I may be the cook but I still want a place at the table. The difference between making dinner for your family vs. making dinner for a customer at a restaurant, y'know? I wanna sit down and talk, not just perform. There's a lack of community these days that I really miss.

I guess all this is mostly just nostalgia for an older form of fandom. Fic did used to feel a bit more like an interactive art form back in the LJ days. (And before, I guess.) A conversation, if you will. Sometimes that could be irritating (remember back when reviewers could be put in the fics and such on ff.net? lmao) but sometimes it was really nice.

I SOUND REALLY OLD NOW... There are some things about modern fandom and AO3 in general that I really like, especially the ability to search and filter in ways that really weren't possible ~back in the day~. But... yeah, I do feel like we've lost something, too, by making fanfic almost too easy to "consume" outside of the rest of the social fandom space.

I guess I'll go take my cane and sit down now lmao.

#I mean I do actually have a variety of canes but that's due to disability not age haha #replies #praise

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spookymultimedia · 1 year

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Helpless To Defy His Fate: The Sountrack

Here's the music that inspired each chapter of my fanfiction, songs that go nicely with what I've written and a look into my creative process while writing

Chapter 1

El Tango De Roxane from Moulin Rouge

I'm not a fan of this musical or the canon story behind this song but I know I'm not alone in this attachment to this song. This song gave me a vision of Nandor betrayed by Guillermo by his act of violence. He's devastated. I was specifically inspired by the tiktok videos that combine Roxanne and the Plauges from The Prince of Egypt. At this point, the story in my head was like this opera style drama that's full of love, loss and pain. Nandor is the one who's heart is crying.

The Ballad of Jane Doe from Ride The Cyclone

I wanted to capture feeling this song gave more than the actual story in this song. I thought about Laszlo and his feelings of betrayal as he's quickly dying. He doesn't have time to process that he's dying. It's tragic. It really is an unfair death. I guess the Fall Fair Suite fits too but this song was a bigger influence

Bright Eyes by Art Garfunkel

This is one of the songs that I think fits Nandor's grief. He's struggling to process the fact Laszlo is dead and that Guillermo killed him.

CH 2

Sad Song by We The Kings

This captures Nadja's grief perfectly. The entire song is how she feels about Laszlo dying. At this point in writing this fic was an exploration of grief and how each of these characters would experience it. I didn't have a Nandermo arc in mind quite yet. I didn't expect this fic to be longer than two chapters. It's was a impulsive idea I wanted to write down. I wanted to write drama and angst for no reason but catharsis and enjoyment.

My Immortal by Evenessance

This was something I listened to while I was writing and thinking about Colin's Grief. He used to comfort Laszlo and learning about Laszlo's abusive home when he was young concerned him. Laszlo grieved him once and now Colin is grieving him. It's ironic. Also I was somewhat influenced by BCR's love for Evenessence and Papa Roach.

Look Who's Inside Again by Bo Burnam

This one was a huge influence on how I wrote Colin Robinson in this fanfiction. Laszlo was someone who gave Colin Robinson friendship when he was desperate to be understood and tired of being forgotten. He was happy and confident. When the one person that understood Colin better than anyone else in his life died he felt alone and insecure again. He struggled to reach out to the people around him and feel into a severe depression that kept him in his bed with no one to feed on but the cruelty of the internet. Colin Robinson is generally the comic relied character. "It's hard to be funny while stuck in a room". He usually enjoys telling his friends dumb jokes but now he's struggling to feel any joy at all. Draining online was a treat but in this situation it made him feel worse and left him feeling like shit

Chapter 3

Flying Dreams from The Secret of NIMH

Chapter 3 was just a sickfick/hurt&comfort I just wanted to write something nice and wholesome and cuddly after all the pain and truama that happened in the previous chapters. This chapter is the calm before the storm in a way. The scene where Nandor is helping Colin Robinson drink its tea was directly inspired by that scene in Secret of Nimh. There's a big emphasis on familial and platonic affection and love in the second half of this chapter.

That's the only song I had in mind for this chapter. The rest was just character interaction with my OC Desdemona. She wasn't originally going to be in this chapter but I really liked the idea of Nandor speaking to it. I think in a less grim timeline they would fuck at least once lol. There's so much grief going around I needed to put Desdemona in this fic, she eats that energy up. I'm glad I decided to it really helped me get a strong sense of its character.

Chapter 4

Bohemian Rapsody by Queen

I had this song already in mind while I was working on chapter 3. I knew I wanted to write Guillermo into this fever dream of guilt and self loathing. I wanted to go into the uncanny territory of weirdness. The part in his dream where Nadja kills Guillermo is directly inspired by an alternate ending proposed by @/ednacrabapple in which Nandor teaches Nadja to swordfight ti kill Guillermo. The twist would be she wouldn't be able to do it and suddenly Nandor gets the confidence to kill him. The lyrics that that inspired me the most where these:

I see a little silhouetto of a man,

Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango!

Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening me

He's just a poor boy from a poor family,

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me,

For meee

So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye

So you think you can love me and leave me to die

Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,

Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

Also in the beginning we see the death from Guillermo's perspective. "Momma, life has just begun but now I've gone and thrown it all away." Guillermo is new to being a vampire and now that's been completely ruined by his murderous tendencies.

No Way Out from Brother Bear

This is one of the movies I took inspiration from for this fanfiction. I wanted to find stories that had similar stories of murder, guilt and forgiveness. I needed to make sure it was obvious that Guillermo lives in guilt and fear. Everyone else has a warped perception of him and believe he's killing for fun. I needed write the opposing perspective in this story.

Oh Miss Believer by Twenty One Pilots

There were three songs that inspired how I wrote nandermo in this chapter. This song is a love letter to Guillermo. Guillermo is scared and helpless. He's in a deep depression and struggling to carry on. Nandor is scared for Guillermo's life and while he addresses that Guillermo has done terrible things he wants to protect him some how. This chapter is when you start to see that Nandor and Guillermo are psychically linked to each other in a very literaral sense. They can feel and read each other's thoughts without knowing they are. They know the worst is yet to come and they're fearful.

Talking to Moon by Bruno Mars

This describes Nandor's feelings. He wants Guillermo badly against the better judgment of everyone else around him.

Aftermath by Lifehouse

Throughout the story Nandor and Nadja grow closer as lovers. Their feelings and actions change into something romantic. They're both traumatized and as a result hold onto each other because they're scared of losing one another. Despite the grief they feel warmth with one another.

Wisdom of Snow by Trans Siberian Orchestra

This song is from the album The Lost Christmas Eve and acts as the contemplative buffer between the old man's confrontation with his past and his emotional breakthrough. This chapter is foreboding and foreshadows what the next few chapters have in store. This song is also what I titled chapter 4. It wad a last minute decision I made while trying to come up with a good title that wasn't stale.

Chapter 5

Hayloft by Mother Mother

The idea that Sean should hunt down Guillermo to kill him as revenge was inspired by a conversation I had with @/2offayyo-kzt. Sean is angry and grieved his lover Laszlo was killed unfairly. He believes murder is the answer.

An eye for an eye, a leg for a leg

A shot in the heart doesn't make it unbreak

She really didn't wanna make it messy

She really, really didn't, but the girl gone cray

Christmas (baby please come home)

I never planned for Simon to be in this fic but I started to think about how Simon would react to Laszlo's absence. It was a joke idea and then I thought a brief moment of comedy in this fic was what the story needed. While I was brainstorming I had found this tiktok and got this idea. I thought it would be fun to write Simon being trapped in this cheery environment while his heart has just been shattered to pieces. It's painfully ironic. Unlike the other songs in this soundtrack this one is diagetic. It's both taunting Simon and describes his feelings. He's desperate to see Laszlo again and he wants Laszlo to be home again more than anything.

Cause I remember when you were here

And all the fun we had last year

This line is in reference to Go Flip Yourself

The song repeats over and over "baby please come home" which is how desperate Simon is to be with Laszlo again.

Story of My Life by One Direction

This was a very risky decision I made while writing this fic. To me in only felt natural that Nadja would go through some kind of emotional journey during this time of grief. I just really wanted to write the moment that Nadja's ghost dissappears. It's like self reflection. This song is Nadja's first step into accepting Laszlo is gone. She begins to acknowledge the happy moments she had with Laszlo.

Sugarcloud from Ride The Cyclone

Nadja and her ghost have alot in common but I suspect there's dissonance when it comes to Laszlo. Nadja doll never got to meet Laszlo and doesn't quite understand what Nadja sees in him. She didn't get to experience falling in love with Laszlo. Nadja's ghost is under the impression that her life was a waste and her legacy is dependent on what she's known as in the vampire world. Nadja is obsessed with her reputation and strives for success to the point she neglects her own joy and falls into burnout. As Nadja recalls her life spent with Laszlo they both come to the realization that she doesn't need to prove her existence to anyone. Just being alive is enough and not having a grand legacy doesn't make her worthless. She'd undead but it still applies lol.

The way I see it Nadja became one with her ghost. She's no longer haunted by her childhood or insecurities. She's finally made peace with her truamas and allowing herself to rest. The reason she's taking up a small hobby earlier in the chapter is because she's trying to learn how to relax and just do something because it's fun and not to be good at it.

Chapter 6

One of Us from The Lion King 2

Months before I decided to write this fanfic I was already obsessed with the idea of the three vampire from the 2014 movie passing judgement to Guillermo. They would struggle to feel any compassion for him and only feel fear and hate for something dangerous they can't understand. I would listen to this imagining the potential conflict between the the three vampires and the main characters in the series on the topic of Guillermo. I always envisioned Nandor being the Nala sitting on the sidelines with everyone against his plea to spare Guillermo. Most characters see Guillermo as a threat and feel hurt by him. I specifically feel that this line fits Simon.

Someone once lied to us

Now we're not so blind!

& by Tally Hall

Guillermo has to face vampiric law and its very vicious and cruel. There's lots of tension and a significant lack of understanding.

When the golden rule and the jungle meet

There'll be nothing to love and there'll be no one to beat.

Oh, the things we know, the things we don't

Oh, the things we think, we can, will and won't

[CW: flashing in clip ] Hungover in the City of Dust by Autoheart

I'll be honest while I was writing the last two of this fic I wasn't in the best state mentally and at the time I'm writing this I don't feel any better. I let that feeling inspire how I wrote Guillermo. It was like a strange form of catharsis projecting all my hopeless thoughts and frustrations onto Guillermo. Guillermo is having the worst night of his life and he's barely keeping it together.

The Trial by Pink Floyd

While the title of this chapter is accurate to what happens its also referring to this song. Guillermo is in a cage being accused of his crimes but he's also at war with his own self loathing. Viago is this symbol of vampiric class and acts downright patronizing to him.

Hells Comin With Me

Simon wasn't supposed to return but I grew to love the idea that it was Simon who told the Vampiric Council about Guillermo crimes and arrest him. I wanted to play into the fact that Simon is a character that tends to return when we least expect it in canon. Now he's back and full of righteous anger.

I am the righteous hand of God

And I am the devil that you forgot

While I was writing this fic I was fleshing out my headcannons for Simon since he's a half baked character at the moment. I got this idea that Simon had this catholic past when he was alive and it sticks with him a bit as a vampire. One way is his shape-shifting abilities, when under high stress or anger, forms into something others would compare to a biblically accurate angel. It's something that would deeply scare Guillermo, who already has religious truama.

SURPRISE! A DELETED SCENE! :D

Bloom from Joseph King of Dreams

This was deleted due to pacing issues and it just felt out of place. This would take place after the trial with Guillermo telling The Barron everything. The Barron feels sorrowful yet sympathetic. He's not proud of who had been in the past and for thinking he was above all of mankind. He had changed and he believes Guillermo can grow from this too.

You've seen the damage words can do

When full of thoughtless pride

Now heed the wiser voice in you

That calls to be your guide

One Normal Night from The Addams Family the musical

I'm not a huge fan of this musical. I feel like it misses the point of The Addams Family, which is radical acceptance in a conservative society. However I do love the artists and editors who show their favorite characters experiencing a traumatic night where stuff just keeps happening to them. I think Guillermo is in a similar situation in this fic

While My Guitar Gently Weeps by The Beatles

I don't think the men who are The Beatles are good people. I think I owe my love for their songs to the obscure movie Cirque Du Soleil. There's a handful of artistic and abstract interpretations of their songs. In this movie this song is visualized as a widow who lost her husband to war. I bring this up as it was inspiration for writing Nandor's grief for Laszlo. Their relationship soured and Nandor will never have closure with Laszlo. He regrets that he didn't appreciate Laszlo enough while he had him. He also wonders if things would be different if he expressed his love for Guillermo sooner.

Chapter 7

Runs in the Family by Amanda Palmer

This was another part I projected myself into. Guillermo hates who his family is. He's a Van Helsing and no matter how much he denys it or tries to hide it, it will always come back to him.

I cannot, I cannot, I cannot run from my family

They're hiding inside of me, corpses on ice

Guillermo has ran from many things in his life. He's ran from his sexuality and the catholic church but it's always there to haunt him. He's quite literally become a criminal on the run and he's not proud of it.

Mary, have mercy, now look what I've done

But don't blame me because I can't help where I come from

And running is something that we've always done well

And mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from

Grenade by Bruno Mars

Nandor has this unconditional love for Guillermo and while he struggles to vocalize or or express it in a productive way he does cause him to do pretty stupid things. Nandor would literally die for him. Guillermo does feel the same but he's a coward. Besides neither of them could communicate.

Lullaby for a Princess by ponyphonic

Guillermo and Nandor are doomed, in this timeline at least. Nandor doesn't appreciate Guillermo. Nandor didn't support him when he wasn't given any respect. No matter how much Guillermo demand to become a vampire, he refuses to turn him in fear of the consequences but mostly because of his pride. So Guillermo took things into his own hands and became a vampire without him. Guillermo refused to listen to Laszlo's criticism and it resulted in something Guillermo regrets. Nandor knows their relationship us doomed but he still wishes him well as they're forced apart.

The years now before us

Fearful and unknown

I never imagined

I'd face them on my own

May these thousand winters

Swiftly pass, I pray

I love you, I miss you

All these miles away

Everything I do, I do it for You

I remember this song from the movie Robin Hood. I don't remember much of the movie but I remember how the song made me feel. It was like this knight in shinning armor kind of song where you fantasize about rescuing someone you adore or the person rescuing you. I associate alot of 80s dad rock with Nandor. It's romantic and its the ideal type of romance Nandor desires.

The Best of Friends from The Fox and The Hound

Before I really had a clear idea of the conclusion I wanted for this movie, I watched two movies for inspiration. I watched Brother Bear and The Fox and The Hound. The latter was the direct inspiration for the conclusion. I think Guillermo and Nandor are similar to Todd and Cooper. Guillermo is the troublesome fox who keeps causing trouble and accidental harm. Nandor wants to love Guillermo and defend him but he knows they should be enemies and their relationship might be impossible to have without issues.

When these moments have passed

Will that friendship last

Who can't say there's a way

Oh, I hope

I hope it never ends

'Cause you're the best of friends

The scene where Cooper stands in front of Todd to protect him is a touching scene. There's not really a solid answer to the issue. They all go their separate ways and decide to give up the chase. The rabid warewolf is a parallel to the bear Todd fights and Sean parallels Amos Slade who's mind is set on revenge. Nandor's eyes are based on how Cooper stares at his master, pleading for mercy. Nandor's eyes are full of emotion and it works to my advantage for this fanfiction. Sean gives up and chooses peace. Nandor and Guillermo separate on good terms but they will never forget their friendship.

#what we do in the shadows #nandermo #laszlin #laszlo x nadja #laszlo x simon #seanszlo #laszlo x nandor #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #nadja x nandor #nadja of antipaxos #nadja cravensworth #colin robinson #Laszlo Cravensworth #simon the devious #viago wwdits #wwdits the baron #wwdits fanfiction #wwdits fanfic

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violence-as-a-love-language · 1 year

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I posted 4,378 times in 2022

That's 3,198 more posts than 2021!

96 posts created (2%)

4,282 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@commandrogyne

@eggyleg

@crack--attack

@skullscramblies

@vesper-thejester

I tagged 3,777 of my posts in 2022

Only 14% of my posts had no tags

#wwdits - 986 posts

#our flag means death - 693 posts

#nandermo - 394 posts

#blackstede - 328 posts

#ofmd spoilers - 315 posts

#guillermo de la cruz - 300 posts

#q - 274 posts

#nandor the relentless - 255 posts

#blackbeard - 210 posts

#good omens - 206 posts

Longest Tag: 126 characters

#and he gets so many followers who keep commenting on how cute and sad it is that he's trying to hard to get his ex's attention

My Top Posts in 2022:

Gotta say, i'm getting real tired of seeing Oluwande drawn skinny in every fan art I see of him

41 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

[I.D. A picture of the book Spitfire by Maya Kern sitting on a desk /end I.D.]

Thank you @mayakern for writing a book so beefy, it should last me through most of my top surgery recovery lol. I just got it yesterday and I'm excited to dive in once I get some sleep.

64 notes - Posted May 18, 2022

Rewatching Dimension Jump and wow, its so fascinating to see Ace's arrival for two reasons now.

1) While Ace is more successful and lusted after, he's still not very secure in his sexuality. He keeps playing up how macho he is and making references to not 'being a sissy.' He's still a repressed version of Rimmer and thats so fascinating to me, since you'd think he would have gotten more secure in his sexuality considering.

2) Rimmer immediately starts insinuating Ace is queer in multiple (obviously degrading) ways because he feels threatened by him. But considering Ace is, well, him, it makes the situation all the more telling. And Kryten confronts him on this, but doesn't get to finish pointing this out to him, which I think is such a shame.

As a bonus, its even more funny to me that Ace immediately becomes best friends with Lister. Like, I want a fic where Lister tries to get with Ace to make Rimmer jealous, only to find Ace is just as repressed as Rimmer.

102 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

Ace and Rimmer are both so similar. Yeah, Rimmer is extremely bitter and insecure, but Ace is just as insecure. He just swung the other direction to complete selflessness.

He has no concept of care for his own well being. Hell, Lister mentions he's fuckin up for 36 hours with a broken arm (which he still hasn't taken care of), fresh off of Cats surgery, and he's teaching Kryten to play the piano.

This man wants so terribly to be liked and loved he will never put his own happiness first. Everyone else comes first. Yeah, he may be a 'hero,' but at what cost?

120 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Okay I'm gonna make this it's own post cause it's important.

Good Omens, WWDITS, and OFMD are all queer rep. But I really do think the main reason why ofmd feels the most 'real' for some people is it scratches a particular itch a lot of people on Tumblr have been trying to get for years.

Good Omens has two characters who appear to be men. Both characters spend thousands of years pining after each other and falling in love, but it's not 'explicitly states' not is there a kiss. There is rep for nonbinary folks, AroAce folks, but it's not 'gay.' The rep is purely 'queer.'

What We Do in the Shadows has a romance between two men. Both, while confirmed to be gay/bi, have not kissed or hugged or been 'romantic' on screen. They've been intimate and have had arcs to show care, jealously, and whatnot but nothing very romantic. At least, not from a classic standpoint. The creators are pushing a 'will they/won't they' arc. This is normal in many TV shows, but for many queers who are used to queerbaiting, the expectation is to be let down. Even if all the signs point to 'they will' it still hits that traumatic 'queerbaiting' tone for many.

Our Flag Means Death has a romance between not only two men, but a side romance between two men that has a kiss scene. The two main leads are romantic towards each other. But not only that, the creator has made it explicitly clear this is a romance. He has pushed again and again that this will happen, it's just a slow burn. There is explicit 'gay' rep on screen and promised future 'gay' rep.

The reason ofmd resonates is because of what other posts have pointed out. Supernatural, Merlin, Sherlock; over and over two men have been shipped together with such fervor, it feels like a betrayal when it's ignored. Or teased and then ignored. We don't want to be traumatized again.

But also, they all represent one type of rep. Romantic, gay rep of two cishet men finding love. Even though in the case of Destiel, Cas is rarely viewed as anything but a cis man (even though that's very not true). The expectation that those previous failures are being redeemed by this one show can make the queer rep in other shows seem less desirable.

Good Omens, WWDITS, and OFMD are three different types of queer rep, but ofmd has a specific trauma reaction being healed tied to it. And it's okay to recognize that, but also, it needs to be recognized that does not take the queerness away from other shows.

None of these shows are queerbaiting. Acknowledge your trauma and enjoy them all for what they are, not what you want them to be.

3,016 notes - Posted March 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#year in review #I have no idea what that longest tag is for #Wwdits being my main tag doesn't surprise me tho

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