going crazy bc adopts can be so toxic to neurodivergent people if you don't take care of yourself!

orange and gold

...I just need more Cole and Vania content, they seem like they'd be great friends.

Basically it's just 'Cole goes to visit her there, they almost burn down the kitchen, and make way too many puns', lol.

Set a few months after Master of the Mountain, but before Seabound or The Island.

Also yeah, I couldn't think of a better title, sue me- I just know that they wear one of the colours at some point, so... 🤦‍♀️😂

Trigger warnings: none I think? Huh-

Also, bingo!! I really need to learn better time management, dear freaking gosh- I hope I'm not too late though? I know it's like half a day late, eek- and I was supposed to post this earlier, but I ended up literally falling asleep while writing it😂

Thank you so much Fabro, for hosting such a cool event!:D Your comments on my fics literally never fail to make my day<3. And I'm so glad that I met so many awesome, really skilled people through this event too - it's been a lot of fun working alongside y'all:D, I wish I'd had more time to interact instead of posting stuff and vanishing lol, but exams be like:////

Prompt: cooking (does baking count as cooking? I realized too late lol-) from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.

Word Count: 2497

---

Trying to escape from killer dire-bats hadn't been on Cole's to do list today - although the mountains were kind of beautiful.

It was a bit difficult to see them while he was being dragged to his death, but hey, didn't Jay always tell them to be more positive?

That was, until he made the mistake of looking down.

Miles of snowcapped mountains touched the pastel blue sky, but he was more focused on exactly how high he was from the ground.

Great.

Trying to swing back onto the Bounty, he didn't notice a golden-winged blur shoot past the bat, almost dropping their spear in haste.

"Let my friend go, or I'll-"

"Vania?"

She throws the spear at the bird, successfully knocking one of its wings.

Huh. She must've been practicing - throwing with accuracy while flying seemed kinda difficult.

"I'm so sorry!" she replies, grabbing his arm before he fell down too. She winces at the strain on her wings, almost dropping him onto the deck. "I was supposed to come earlier, but there was an issue with one of the mines, and it took forever to-"

"There ain't anything in this world that's managed to kill me yet," he replies jokingly, checking that the autopilot hadn't been damaged. "I doubt an angry bird is going to be the first."

"Didn't you mention that you became a ghost once? Pretty sure that means you were dead-"

"Shh, that's not an important detail," he jokes.

"If you say so," she replies with a grin. "Did I mention that Chompy's been tearing down the palace flower arrangements again?"

"Send my regards to the gardener-"

"Did you just make a pun?"

"Remind me why I decided to visit you again?"

"Because you love me?" she asks stepping onto the ground as the Bounty landed gently.

"I hereby crown you as my platonic soulmate," Cole deadpans, taking her hand. "Vania and Cole-"

"Destined to annoy each other for eternity," she giggles, swinging their hands up and down. "But seriously - thanks. I don't think I realized how much work being a queen was."

"What's it like?"

"I mean - I'm glad that people trust me, and they come to me if they have a problem, but the paperwork is a nightmare. I never get to go outside anymore, I swear."

"Paperwork? Also, you just invited me here for a week. I don't wanna disturb you?"

"Nah, I cleared my schedule, don't worry. And trust me, you don't want to know. Everything requires some sort of official written thing, and it's so boring-"

"Official? But you're the queen?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't really want to change something unless it benefits the people. Not after..."

Her smile dims, eyes straying to the palace walls.

Oh- oh.

"You're nothing like him," Cole says firmly, squeezing her hand. "I mean, if you need to take a break, or you can make your job a bit easier by cutting out something unnecessary, that's just gonna help you become a better queen. You've definitely got the interests of your people at heart, and that's the most important thing, you know? And well, uh, everything seems to be going great so far - you don't have to beat yourself up over someone else's mistakes."

"Thanks," she replies softly, her smile slowly returning. "Speaking of breaks, what do you think we should do this time?"

"You could show me around the city again?"

"You've already seen everything cool," Vania giggles, skipping ahead of him. "We don't renovate much - unlike you guys-"

"Hey, it's not our fault that our city gets destroyed every few months-"

"More like every few days," she teases, tying back her golden hair. "How about we find some dragons to adopt?"

"Tempting, but where would you keep them?"

"They could sleep in my room-"

She breaks off when she notices him laughing. "What?"

"N- nothing," Cole replies, in between laughs. "Jay and I just made a bet."

"On what?"

"How many dragons you've adopted. I bet at least six, he bet fifteen."

"Well, jokes on both of you - I'm pretty sure my advisor's going to throw a fit if I show up with another one," she starts, giggling. "We've got twenty living in the palace right now."

"Twenty dragons?"

"They're so cute! You just look into their adorable little eyes," Vania pauses for breath, continuing her animated gesturing, "and you can't help but wanna hug them!"

"Oh, Jay's going to be so mad."

"Aww, I'm sorry guys. They're just too adorable!"

"...Wanna hear a funny story?"

"Yeah, sure!"

"I actually used to be terrified of dragons-"

"No way!" Vania exclaims. "Y'all have been on a lot of adventures though, so-"

"Nah, we used to have our own dragons at first. They were pretty cool! I just- I'm a simple guy! Huge animals with wings are scary up close when you're barely a teenager."

"Or when you're really short-"

"We're the same height!" Cole exclaims, facepalming in a bit of a fondly exasperated way.

"I'm two years younger than you-"

---

"Ugh, whose idea was this?"

"Yours," Vania grins, sitting down on the kitchen counter.

"You were supposed to help me, not leave me high and dry!" Cole accuses jokingly, staring at all the appliances they'd found in the cupboards.

"'One must always be prepared for new adventures,'" she quotes seamlessly, waving one of- what was his name again? Mulch something? Oh! Clutch! Some explorer he was, leaving them to die in the pyramid - Clutch Powers' books in the air.

"Fine," he sighs, staring at the old recipe book she'd found in one of their back cupboards. "But you've gotta help me? I almost burned down-" "Woah, what? If you finish that sentence with 'kitchen'-" "In my defense, Kai was playing a prank on me-" "In my defense, I wouldn't like to explain how the queen of Shintaro burnt down the palace by teaching one of her friends to cook," she grins, flipping through the pages. "What do you wanna start with?" "Something simple?" "Have you ever tried baking bread before? It's a lot of fun!" "I haven't really had the time, but that sounds kinda interesting."

He skims the recipe, raising his eyebrows. "Wait, why does this take hours? I thought you said it was simple?"

"Trust me, it is," she laughs, adding, "besides, I still wanna hear about all your adventures!" "Uh... okay," Cole replies hesitantly, "but if this fails, I'm so sorry." "Give yourself some credit, you guys literally saved the world! Multiple times!" "Bold of y'all to assume we know how we did it," he laughs, only half-kidding. "Besides. I botched soup once."

"I've botched toast," she mock-sighs, smiling. "Pretty sure that makes us even."

"Lemme get this straight. You've messed up toasting bread, but you can bake it from scratch?"

"Trust me, I don't know either," she giggles, trying to open a brightly coloured packet of... something? Did flour come in packets that small?

"Uh, why are you opening something called 'feast'?" he asks, eyebrows creased in confusion.

"Feast," she echoes, trying to stifle her laughter. "Off to a... rocky start, aren't we?"

It took him a second.

"I already regret this," he jokes, facepalming. "But I'd say that your puns are, uh, gold."

"I've un- unleashed-" breaking off, she half-falls off the counter, laughing so hard her face starts to go red, "a monster."

---

"Uh, is it supposed to look like that?" Cole asks, frowning.

The mixture looked less like the dough he'd been expecting - more like one of Jay's inventions gone wrong.

Badly wrong, he thought, eyes widening at the goopy mess of foam that threatened to spill over the jug.

"The yeast?" Vania echoes, poking her head out of one of the cupboards. "Yeah, all good! It always looks a little gross, and you're gonna doubt ever eating bread again, but at least it doesn't taste like it's fermented-"

"It's what?"

"Yeah," she grimaces, exaggerating her disgust a bit. "If aliens ever fell from the sky, they'd think we were crazy for eating bread-"

"Aliens? I think we're a bit crazy!" Cole exclaims, trying not to laugh.

Vania smiles, then sighs, lugging a huge bag of flour onto the counter. "I can never open these bags properly," she starts, eyeing the the bag a bit warily, "and it always makes such a huge mess all over the kitchen. You'd think they'd make it easier for people to use, right? I swear-"

He jokingly puts his hands over his ears. "I can't hear you!" "But you know that I've sworn off swearing-" she replies, breaking off with a laugh. "Pun not intended - that actually made sense in my head. I swear!"

"No," Cole interjects with a grin, shaking his head. "You don't, remember?"

"See, this is why we're friends-"

"Friends? Is that all I am to you?"

"Oh, be quiet," she shoots back, exaggeratedly dragging a hand down her face. "I mean, sure, just because everyone thinks that we're dating doesn't mean that we-"

Wait. What?

"People think that we're dating?" he asks, clamping a hand over his mouth in a poor attempt to muffle his laughter. "I- I- really?"

"I know, right?"

"Even my friends thought so at first," he confesses, dragging a hand down his face. "I mean, as much as I love you-"

"I love you too," Vania replies, completely seriously. "Even if you'll always be more like an annoying-"

"Hey-"

"Sibling to me than anything else," she finishes, grabbing a pair of scissors. Cole watches, a little alarmed, as she stabs them into the flour bag over and over.

"Is it... supposed to be this difficult to just open the bag? Seems kinda stupid-"

"Well, er, they have this piece of paper with glue that you're supposed to pull away from the rest of the bag, but it never works properly and I-"

"Well, we could always make our own flour," Cole interjects, laughing. "I mean, I've got a scythe? Let's go!"

"Uh, but we don't have wheat growing here. I don't think it'd suit the climate very well?"

"Wheat a shame," Cole sighs jokingly, measuring out the flour (which had, finally, escaped the bag).

"Oh my gosh," Vania deadpans, "you did not just-"

"Yep, I did."

"You're horrible," she giggles, "then again, I was the one who started this whole debacle, so I think we'll share the blame."

"Debacle? Where'd you pick that one up from? Sounds kinda cool-"

"Oh, it's from a book someone wrote about you guys," Vania says casually, pouring a cup of water into the bowl.

"Hey, uh-" Cole starts hesitantly, twisting his fingers back and forth, then breaks off. "Why'd you read all that stuff about us, anyways? Adventure books don't really seem like something you read a lot, since we have similar favorite books. I mean..."

"Well, um..." Vania trails off, clearly uncomfortable. "Uh- I guess, well, it sounds kinda stupid, but I'd never really met anyone my age who wasn't a royal or something. I... er, I didn't want to be left out, you know?"

Cole thinks back to a scroll; a quest, a sacrifice. One that his friends never seemed to really notice, unless it was with horror or flinches. Not that he blamed them, but - joking about how he was much more useful to the team when he was freaking dead than he was before he'd stumbled and fell in the temple?

That had been a bit far, even for his best friend. Locks could always be picked or something, he didn't need to be a ghost to provide some sort of value-

Well, that's not completely true, is it? a small voice questions, and he can't keep his hands from shaking a little.

"Jay here thinks you're the least valuable ninja."

Not enough to be a performer. Now, not good enough to even be a ninja, apparently.

Well, he reminds himself firmly, you don't have to be the best - just stand up to those who are cruel and unjust.

Nothing but a scar that glowed warm orange occasionally left of the whole Cursed Realm ordeal, sometimes it was all too easy to forget - or pretend - that it had never even happened in the first place.

Other times, like when he'd dropped a glass of water on the floor and his hands hadn't stopped shaking for hours, or when he woke up screaming, expecting to fall through his bed again, it still felt like he was trapped as a ghost. Literally - and maybe a little figuratively as well.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

"Thanks for trusting me with that," he replies softly. "And I'm sorry. That sounds... horrible, but, honestly, you're a pretty cool person, and I ain't just saying that because we're friends. People can be awful, and they can- they can leave, but you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not for people to accept you. I kinda know what it's like, and it's... just, uh, not great."

"No, thank you," Vania says, rubbing her eyes. "You're pretty cool, too. And I'm glad that we become friends, even if wasn't in the- the, er, greatest circumstances."

"Right back at ya. The fall was pretty terrifying, though," Cole says casually, as if memories of that nightmarish plunge into the depths of earth don't still send shivers down his spine.

"No, definitely! I was so sure we were gonna splat onto the ground or something, thank gosh we didn't."

"Yeah..." Cole trails off, reading the recipe they'd been following. "Oh- do we just leave the bowl somewhere for a few hours now?"

"Oh, yeah," Vania answers. "Other than clean up the kitchen, what else do you wanna do?"

"That's kind of you, but, ah, I don't mind. You can choose something."

"I don't mind either," she replies, covering the bowl with a dishcloth. "Seriously, I don't."

"Same here though."

"Really, I don't mind-" Vania breaks off with a laugh, adding, "Well, actually, there is something."

She doesn't elaborate, thoughtfully gazing out the window.

"Well, what is it? Don't keep me in the dark."

"Ugh, it's kinda stupid-"

"I'm sure that it's not- well, unless you want to try to jump off a flying ship with a homemade parachute to prove a bet to someone-"

"Do I even wanna know?"

"...uh, probably not. We're way too crazy sometimes, our Master has a hard time keeping us in check. Your thing, though?"

"Can I give you a hug?"

Cole blinks for a second, expecting some sort of punchline.

"That's your thing?"

"Well, yeah- I mean, I said it was kinda stupid-"

"No no, that's not what I meant. You're so sweet - that's all."

"Well, not more than you-"

"Nah, you're sweeter-"

"Let's just call it a tie," Vania says with a smile, reaching over to give her friend a hug. "Thank you so much, I swear- well, no, I don't, but you know, anyways-"

"Yeah," Cole replies, laughing softly. "I know."

Almost Paradise ( Owen Patrick Joyner Fic )

Hey everyone! This story is gonna be a Owen Patrick Joyner story and I will be pairing the reader with Owen, so I’ll put Y/N anytime the main character is mentioned or is talking. This is my first story since high school so please bear with me as the writing will slowly become better the more I write. I hope all you fellow Owen simps like myself like this story. FYI this story takes place if COVID 19 never existed. Please check out my best friend Sydney ( @imsydneywalker) for cute Charlie Fics. Love Yall.

Summary: Y/N just turned 22 and decided to make a spontaneous trip to L.A California USA from Dieppe,New Brunswick, Canada to visit her best friend Charlie Gillespie for her 22nd birthday present to herself. He doesn’t know she’s coming, hence the surprise. But little does she know would she get a little surprise of her own on her way to America.

Chapter 1: Someday

House outfit: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2814065

*Week before Reader’s birthday* 2021

Y/N’s thoughts: It has been forever since I’ve last seen my best friend Charles Jeffrey Gillespie or how I like to call him Arlo *as I hold onto the necklace he gave me for my 15th birthday*. Weird nickname I know, but I’ve been calling him that since kindergarten and I’m not changing it. It’s almost my 22nd birthday so I felt like I should treat myself to a present of seeing my best friend for a little while. Momma bear doesn’t know yet but I don’t think she’ll care as much since she loves Charlie as one of her own kids, so just taking a trip cross country shouldn’t be too hard to tell her. Right? Let’s find out.

*Y/N walks down to the kitchen from her bedroom*

“Hey mami,” Y/N says as she sits on one of the barstools, popping a green grape and dipping it into nutella into her mouth.

“Yes Y/N nickname?” Y/N’s mom says in a what do you want tone, while finishing cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.

“What?” Y/N asks.

“I already know you want something. You never come back downstairs after dinner unless you’re getting a snack or you want something. I’m your mother, remember.”

“Damn, that predictable huh? Anyways, yes I wanted to ask you something or more like tell you something. So I was thinking for my 22nd birthday I could possibly fly down to America and see your adopted son for a couple weeks. You know I’ve been wanting to move down to L.A so why not go for my birthday. I’d obviously stay at Arlo’s, money shouldn’t be an issue since I’ve been saving plus birthday money from past years. Sooo?” Y/N finishes saying while looking at her mom with puppy eyes.

“You already bought your plane ticket didn’t you?” your mom says while staring at you with one eyebrow raised.

“.... maybe…. no actually, I wanted to see what you’d say first before splurging.” Y/N  says while looking down at the bowl of grapes and looks up again to smile cheeky at her mom.

Your mom rolls her eyes and laughs. “ Sure, why not. Do you want me to call Maman J so she can tell Charlie?” your mom asks.

“No no, I want it to be a surprise. It’s kind of a birthday present to myself since Arlo decided to be like “ I wanna be an actor and blah blah blah”. You say mimicking him.

“Alright, well as an early birthday present, I’ll buy your ticket. Should I make it a round trip or a one way?”

“Ummm make it a one way trip, I’ll let you know when I want to come home. You know Arlo, he always has some random hiking trip he wants to take, and knowing him he might drag me to one of those trips” you say rolling your eyes.

“No problem. You better go upstairs and start packing.” your mom says.

*You dip one last green grape into nutella and pop it into your mouth before you hop off the bar stool to give your mom a kiss* “You’re the best mami!”

*You run back to your room and start planning the whole trip*

*5:30pm One day before reader’s birthday and your flight*

*you're sitting on your bed finishing up some last minute packing, when you hear a knock at your door.*

“Come in.” Y/N says without turning around.

“Hey hun.” your mom says.

*you turn around to face your mom* “Hey mami, whats up?” *you say while sitting on top of your luggage trying to close it*

Your mom chuckles, “Here is your plane ticket for your flight, it's at 5:55am, you have a connecting flight to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma which will have a connecting flight to L.A.X.”, your mom says handing you the tickets. “So you better finish packing and get some rest.”

*You reach for the tickets while trying not to fall of your luggage* “Awesome, thanks mami.”

“No problem, just get some rest ok. I will drive you to the airport.” your mom says while walking out of your room.

“Ok!” you yell through the door. *You finally got the luggage to close* “YES!” you say standing up on the edge of your bed but then proceed to fall off your bed in the process which leads to a loud thud hitting the floor. “I’M OK!” you yell before your mom asks.

You place your luggages and carry ons by your door and start getting ready for bed. You look into the mirror one last time and stare at the picture of you and Charlie at the waterfront, ( https://www.instagram.com/p/B-suC_WF8Cu/) ( just pretend its yall, I know its like his cousin or friend)

“L.A.X I’ll see you tomorrow.” you say to yourself before walking to bed.

*Reader’s birthday* 3:00am

Airport Outfit: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2813992 (girl on the left is what your hair looks like)

*your phone goes off at 3:00 am with the song I See Fire by Ed Sheeran playing from your phone softly.*

*You groan annoyingly wondering why you’re up so early, when you realize it is your 22nd birthday and you have a flight to catch in two hours. You spring out of bed, pop your airpods in and blair The OtherSide from The Greatest Showman and begin getting ready for your long day of flying*

*Dancing towards your bathroom, you turn on your shower to warm up and start brushing your teeth. You lay out the outfit you will be wearing to the airport on your bed, take out your headphones and head into the shower.*

*20 mins later. You hear a knock on your bathroom door*

“Almost done sweetie?” your mom asks.

“Yes, I’m just finishing up, I’ll be down soon.” you say through the door.

*Because you’re going to the airport you didn’t put too much makeup on, just enough to make yourself look kind of awake on the flights. You put your hair in a messy bun, put on your jean jacket, take one last look in the mirror before you shut off the light and head out.*

*You look around your room to make sure you grab any last minute items for your carry on. Especially making sure you have your Beats, charger, spare hair elastics and gum. You go to grab your luggage when you realize your mom already did and placed them in the car. Best mom ever. You grab your guitar case and your bag and head out.*

*Skip the car ride, you’re already at the airport*

“You’re sure you have everything right?” your mom asks while taking the stuff out of the car.

“Yes, I promise, I have everything I need. If I forgot anything important I will call you and have it shipped to Arlo’s.” you say while closing the trunk of the car.

“Alright, have a safe trip hun, please be safe and try not to get Charlie in too much trouble ok?” your mom says while hugging you goodbye.

*GASP* “ HEY! I’m a good noodle, Arlo’s the one who dared me to jump in the fountain at the mall. You know me I could never pass up a good dare.” you say while breaking the hug.

“Haha, yes I know which leads you to getting sick. Remember, it was winter.” your mom retorts back.

“ Yeah yeah I know, I’m still a good noodle though.” You chuckle while grabbing your stuff again.

Your mom shakes her head, “Go before you miss your flight silly.” She says while turning you around.

“Ok, ok I get it you want me gone.” You say laughing while walking towards the automatic doors.

“OH SWEETIE!” your mom calls out.

You turn around. “Yes?” you ask

“Happy Birthday!” your mom yells in front of everybody.

You stare at her like really. “Thanks mami. I love you too”

*You walk inside the airport and walk towards the check in line to check in all your luggages.*

*Skip to you’re already on the plane before take off.*

*You check your phone for the time, plug in your Beats, place them on and hit shuffle before. You look out the window watching the sun just barely starting to rise before you close it and begin to read your book, for the next 4 hours.*

*4 hours later*

*You finish up one of your books, you pull off your headphones just in time to hear the pilot announce that you guys are about to land. You place your book and headphones back into your bag and prepare to land.*

* You get off the plane and check the time on your phone to notice that your connecting flight is almost here and you begin to panic. You check your ticket and realize that of course your flight is on the other end of the terminal, so you begin to run and book it to the other end, hoping you’ll make it on time.*

“Excuse me! Sorry! Sorry! Excuse me!” you say as you weave through airport traffic.

*Half way through your running spree you look down at your phone again to make sure you didn’t miss your flight when you feel your arm get tugged from behind you. You notice one of yours and someone else’s luggage clipped each other by the wheels and they both go flying. “Sorry, my bad.” you say as you grab a luggage, not even looking up to see who you collided with and go back to your sprinting.*

“Yes!” you say to yourself as you make it to your gate. The flight hasn’t boarded yet so you take a seat and wait for your row to be called. You get to your gate, hand the lady your ticket and proceed to board your flight.

*You place your carry-on luggage into the overhead bin and take your seat, when you notice a very sweaty guy just barely making it onto the flight. You chuckle to yourself.*

*3 hours later*

“Alright passengers, we will be landing very shortly. The weather today is 89 degrees, partly cloudy, and 40% of humidity. Welcome to Los Angeles, California passengers.” the pilot announces over the intercom.

*You place your headphones back on, and calmly this time walk off the plane and head towards baggage claim*

*As you’re waiting your favorite song Someday by Max Schneider starts to play. You begin to sway back and forth, humming to the tune when you then feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn around to see who it was and begin to stare at him weirdly wondering why you can’t hear the guy talk*

“Oh shit, my bad. Forgot.” you say as you take off your headphones to actually hear what the guy was saying.

“It's cool, all I was saying was that I was sorry for colliding with you back in Oklahoma. I wasn’t paying attention, I was in a rush and didn’t see you. It wasn’t until after that I noticed that the gate was in the opposite direction.” A dirty blonde guy explains to me.

“Oh no, it was totally my fault, I should have been looking up instead of on my phone. I guess we were both in a rush. But hey, I like your jean jacket. Pretty dope.” I say to him.

“Right back atcha.” he retorts.

*Awkwardly stands next to each other waiting for your luggage to arrive*

“Welp, that's my luggage. Have fun in L.A.” The guy says as he grabs his other luggage and heads towards the exit.

“Thanks, you too crash buddy.” you say back.

*you grab your luggages from the conveyor belt and pull to the side so you’re not in the way of people. You go to open one of your luggages to make sure nothing spilled on the flights/crash over, when you notice that the things in one of the luggages isn’t yours.*

“Shit, I must have accidentally switched luggages with that guy back in Oklahoma.” you say to yourself as you look around to hopefully see if he is still around.

*You close up the luggage, and begin to gather your things and head towards the exit, hoping the guy hasn’t left the airport yet. You get to the exit, head outside and don’t see the guy you bumped into.*

“Damn it!” you say defeated, “How will I ever get my stuff back? What a way to start off my birthday.”

*You get an uber and head towards Arlo’s place*

SENTENCE STARTERS FROM RED VS. BLUE SEASON 15

“you touch my baked beans, i put dog shit in your pillowcase.” “every other person in this miserable place is literal garbage.” “books on tape? what's the appeal of that? don't the pages get stuck together?” “when in doubt use a confusing acronym. military types love acronyms.” “FML. that stands for fu--” “i’ll bend down and kiss your boots, how’s that?” “i wanna know every step you take and how much shit gets stuck on your shoes and in-between your teeth.” “you know, i think i'll probably move to LA, but that's like what everyone does. i mean, what do you think?” “i’m gonna skin your cat for this.” “i’m actually thinking of adopting a stage name.” “i’m gonna smash cut your empty skull against that rock if you don’t shut the fuck up!” “i wanted to call it desert titties, but that shit was taken.” “ah, there goes the bechdel test.” “you should interview the illuminati!” “real talk here: i'll be your genie in a bottle, i'll do whatever you want, but after i grant you your three wishes, you gotta do something for me, whaddaya say?” “my ceaseless existence is an eternal torment!” “next time he calls you please, just, let it go to voicemail. don't transfer to me. okay?” “i can’t even hear myself think in this blizzard of idiocy!” “did you attempt to witness any other particular individuals in the general vicinity of the area in which the crime scene was alleged?” “i just wanna be included!” “funny, the vultures usually show up after the slaughter.” “you’re a little bit crazy, aren’t you? i like that.” “consequences... don't always take the shape we expect them to, do they? they're funny like that.” “...are we still married?” “people are quick to jump to conclusions. they see something, or hear something, and fit it into a preconceived emotional box.” “please don’t make me regret what i’m about to tell you.” “whoa, hold up--i just realized how much i don’t care.” “SUCK IT, NEWTON!” “we said we wouldn’t talk about that!” “help me be the best at being lazy.” “it was a simple mishap with my vanilla-satin scented candles!” “why is he naked?” “HOW DO YOU BURN DOWN A WATER PARK, ___?!” “we’re definitely not just saying that because she could kill us.” “for far too long our people have been oppressed, crushed, under the weight of ourselves! if we don't start standing up to our mortal foe gravity, by god, who will?” “we’ve never needed intelligence before!” “why doesn’t anybody die and stay dead?” “oh, cool! foreshadowing.” “who wants a poisoned pumpkin frappuccino?” “i quit. i’m not going. i’m staying here.” “you’ve always been selfish, but this is bullshit!” “you know, i liked them better when they were funny.” “it’s a bop-it.” “sleep. means. death!” “i know ___ said we should split up, but i was thinking maybe we split up together, you know, because it's scary!” “you talk about ___ a lot.” “this is a big city. so many places for snakes to hide. they could be everywhere all around us. watching us... licking their snake lips...” “jesus, doesn’t anybody speak esperanto?” “err is not a word.” “why do you look alone?” “why don't you tell us what's going on, and we can decide whether to kill you or not?” “looks like we've got quite the sticky mess on our hands!” “oh, i know all about sausage parties! uh, wait, that came out wrong.” “when I least expect it: whambo! you pry open my mind prison and suck out my brain beans!” “i realize now that i’ve just spilled all my brain beans.” “we're just a bunch of dumb rejects hurling ourselves against impossible odds.” “i’m only saying something because i’ve been used enough times in my life already.” “nice! super awesome of you guys! that was sarcastic.” “don’t care. just help me with my dramatic exit.” “that's a great idea! i was just about to suggest it.” “i always say a marine without a code is like a car without a road.” “i always say the best defense is a really tall fence.” “i always say a good soldier is like a rollin’ boulder.” “i always say a mantra a day keeps death at bay.” “i've grown soft around these uncultured philistines.” “goddamn, i can’t believe i have to hear this shit in stereo now.” “you two look cozy.” “i didn’t realize you two were close.” “you’re being too hard on yourself. you’ve changed over the years, i’ve seen it myself.” “i've grown from being a dishonorable killing machine to an honorable killing machine. that's quite the journey.” “i changed my mind. you are evil.” “you don’t have to destroy the past to have a future.” “strategizing can wait until breakfast, at least.” “i killed them. i MURDERED them. i set my vengeance free upon them and it felt so good!” “are we gonna do some snooping around?” “have you ever considered a life in showbusiness?” “try harder, fuckface!” “can we please just bury the hatchet and focus on what's important?” “your mother’s lasagna is mediocre!” “if you guys had to get shot somewhere in your body, where would you do it?” “i can't hear you because some idiot shot my ear off!” “this whole situation is garbage enough to begin with, but... at least we're in it together.” “no plan survives first contact with the enemy.” “the only thing that would make this better is some music.” “we were pawns in their game. but the thing that I love about chess is that sometimes pawns kill kings.” “no, actually, i was raised by wolves. in the forest.” “sometimes i feel like people barely acknowledge my presence.” “something weird might be going on around here.” “anyone who's acting that squeaky clean must have some deep dark secrets.” “ha! gotcha! that's exactly the kind of things bad guys say!” “they used us, they destroyed our lives, and they haven't been made to pay for what they've done.” “you obviously love the sound of your own voice, so why don't you use it to tell its where the fuck our friends are?” “i’m going to kill you so hard, you’ll wish you were dead.” “we fought alongside each other for fucking years. how can you just turn your backs on us like this?” “you don't get to give orders if you're on the bad guys' side!” “now I have gonorrhea and a dead friend.” “stop. touching. my face.” “buckets! oodles! oodles of noodles and toaster strudels! tiempo de mucho. mucho de tiempo!" “yeah, well, i don't remember you being anything but a huge dick, but here you are being cool, so people change.” “yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers!” “but.. i never got to say goodbye. or thank you for being my friend.” “i'm gonna need a week at the chiropractor when we get out of here.” “is it possible to hallucinate with your ears?” “i’m not here to kill you.” “uh-oh spaghetti-o’s.” “fuck me! fuck all of this!” “you should totally kill me if it strikes your fancy! no pressure!” “the world's best swordsman doesn't fear the second best. He fears the worst, because he can't predict what the idiot will do.” “i can't imagine us doing anything but making this all worse.” “shit, dude! you’re the best we’ve got!” “i like pushing small children down wells.” “can we please settle on a consistent denomination? are we using cardinal directions or are we using clock positions?” “i'm so sneaky. they don't even know what's happening. you can't even see me right now, ___. you're so confused.” “shut up and help me punch this fucking tank!” “as far as days to die go, it's a little overcast. so let's check our corners and make these bastards pay!” “let's light the fires and kick the tires!” “let’s dance with these monkeys and give ‘em what for!” “let's put the pedal to the metal and the rubber to the road!” “let’s get jiggy with it!” “let’s shoot this monkey full of heroin and put it on youtube! actually, let's not do that, it sounds completely horrible.” “let’s teach these midgets how to tango!” “honor, schmonor.” “scout's honor! except I was never a scout because I'm afraid of badges.” “why are we here?” “we don't know why we're here. it's still one of life's great mysteries, isn't it?” “i’m sorry i tried to kill you, it wasn’t personal!” “you'll be stuck between a rock and the frying pan.” “if i said that i would weep for them, would it make you feel any better?” “best friends should be able to say goodbye.” “i think you are cool. like, super awesome, amazing, cool and... i, i always felt like really awesome too, when we were hanging out together.” “i know with my other friends--who, even if you add them all up together aren't really cool as you--i know we're all gonna be okay.” “if you kill me, you'll just perpetuate this never-ending cycle of revenge and retaliation!” “he asked us to deliver an important message to you all. but then he just sang the ducktales theme song and fell back to sleep.” “you know i’ll never forget this, right? i mean, PTSD is forever, isn’t it?” “it’s not the sum of your parts that makes you who you are.” “these people have shown me that real heroes are not born, they're forged. a friend told me once that there's no fate but what you make. and i think he's right.” “alright, well, i'm just gonna try to forget that ever happened and never bring it up again.”

Interlude: Saying Goodbye

ANDRE

Today is the day of the funeral and I’m nervous as hell! My palms have been sweaty ever since I woke up this morning and I feel that my nerves have peaked at an all time high. It's been years since I've attended a funeral, I'm not sure if I’m in the right mindset to function properly today. Camila and her father both agreed to a closed casket ceremony for their own personal reasons. Victor had his time at Emilina’s house to rake through the belongings he is having shipped to his house. Aside from his brief conversation with me, Victor has kept to himself pretty much.

The girls have too been very quiet today. This I know is due to the fact that they’re still trying to process the loss of their grandmother. I offered to get them dressed in order to grant Camila some alone time. After all, us getting ready is the last time, until tonight, that we have some quiet time. Once the girls were dressed and Camila got their hair done, all they wanted to do was lay around and watch movies. Standing up on my feet I picked up my tie from off of the ironing board to secure it around my neck.

“Andre, your tie should be good to go now.” Camila announced with perfect timing.

Finding her interjection funny, I made the knot snug just how I like it. “I got it thank you baby, thank you.” I called out to her. Running my palm over this beautiful and sentimental, black velvet tie I studied myself in the mirror.

“You look so nice, daddy.” Zoe complimented from behind me. Smiling at her through the glass I returned the kind gesture and extended my compliments to Kenja as well.

Peeking at my watch I began to panic as we only have a short window of time left before we have to get going. On cue, Camila emerged from the bathroom in a crisp white, two piece pant suit set. Wearing her favorite heels and jewelry pieces her mother has gifted her throughout the years. I admire Camila’s strength and resilience so much. Despite having to battle her own demons in the midst of preparing for this spur of the moment celebration of her mother’s life, she doesn’t look the part. She’s exuding power and grace, two characteristics she adopted from her mother.

“Mommy, wow..” Kenja gasped.

Zoe scurried to her mom’s side, drinking in the small details of her outfit. “Mom, why are you wearing white and not black? I thought we were supposed to match.” Zoe inquired, pulling down Camila’s blazer in the front and rushing around to the back to do the same.

“I’m wearing white because your nana asked me to do so a very long time ago. How do I look?

“So beautiful.” Zoe smiled.

“Yeah mommy you look very pretty today.” Kenny added in.

“Andre, what do you think? Is it too much?” She presumed.

“Not at all. You always clean up in such a way that amazes me each time. No one would ever think you’re dealing with such heavy burdens. You look incredible.” I assured her.

For the first time since we’ve been here, Camila graced us with a smile that brightened up the entire room. “Thank you.” She murmured, standing on her toes to kiss me. With my cheeks nestled in her hands she looked into my eyes, in silence.

“What is it?” I quizzed, clutching her shoulders.

She nodded firmly. “Nothing. I just needed a second to breathe and do nothing else.” She kissed me tenderly, backing away so we could get a move on it. Victor met us in the hallway, holding the girl’s hands as we headed down to the lobby. Our ride to the church was so brief I didn’t even get the chance to give myself a pep talk prior to this ceremony.

While Victor was speaking with our driver, I helped the girls out of the car. We finally make it inside the church only for Zoe to start freaking out. Intervening in Zoe’s slight outburst I carried her the remaining walk inside the church. Not only do I have to be a shoulder to cry on for my family but I also have to keep the girls in check. Camila is nearing the end of this pregnancy and I don’t want her to exhaust herself trying to discipline the girls with everything going on today.

Each of us filed in to the first row, getting settled while fighting to ignore the stares. Zoe despises having the spotlight on her so I’m going to keep her seated in my lap. This way she won’t be as tempted to look around at who’s paying attention to us. The service began after about ten minutes of us waiting. The muffled sounds of sobs and sniffles dispersed throughout the room were infectious. Despite the raging sadness within these walls, the minister is doing his best to lighten the mood. He’s speaking so highly about Emilina’s life and accomplishments.

When the time came for the family to go up and speak, Camila’s nails dug into my palm. I can feel her nerves raising the longer she sat still.

“Go ahead Camila, it’s alright.” Victor whispered assuringly. She turned to me asking for more guidance through her eyes.

“Go on, we’ll be right here. Just take your time.” I said quietly. Zoe leaned away from me to kiss her moms cheek.

“You can do it mama.” With that, Zoe fell back into my lap.

Maree hesitated for another few minutes or so before standing up from the pew. She straightened out her blazer and silently walked up to the podium to greet the minister. He managed to make her laugh and that made me feel good just to see Camila with another smile on her face. Now standing behind the podium Camila placed both hands in front of her, seeming prepared to speak. When she remained silent after about twenty seconds I noticed her studying the casket.

Clearing her throat, Camila took a half step to the left and braced the crowd. “First, I’d like to thank each of you who took time out to be here today. I really appreciate you all for being here with me and my family to celebrate my mother’s life. I didn’t have much time to prepare for a speech let alone today in general. Death is impossible to escape for any of us but I never thought I’d live to see this day. Not at such short notice.” She began.

Appearing from a hidden pocket in her blazer was an envelope housing the letter Camila’s been tinkering away at for some time now. “Dear mom, um, I guess I should start by saying thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me from the day you found out you were pregnant with me up until the last time we spoke. You were and always will be the brightest woman I ever knew. Every word out of your mouth was pure truth. You were the most amazing person in my life and you always will be. Just thinking about how long I’ll have to go without seeing you, talking to you or hugging is hard to come to terms with. It breaks me down as a woman and a mother because you’ve always been my hero and inspiration. Having you involved in Kenja’s life in the big way that you were means the world me. You were a second mom to her, she loved you just as much as I did. When Andre and I got serious and blended our families together, I was so amazed at how you responded to my life change. You welcomed our new family dynamic with grace, tenderness and open arms. You made sure that Zoe felt just as loved and important as Kenja. For that, I can never express just how grateful I am to who you are as a person. You’re acceptance over my family means the world to both Andre and I. it sucks that you were such an awesome grandmother because now you won’t-”

Camila pauses her speech to collect herself but isn’t successful. Her hands cupped her mouth as she retreated from the podium.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this..” she cried aloud. “I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed. Finally she turned away with her back to us earning solace from the minister. I immediately sat Zoe next to me, panicking internally about Camila’s state of mind and our baby’s health.

The minister made direct eye contact with me and that’s when I made my advance to stand with Camila. I delicately cupped her lower back earning a much needed hug for her sake. Maree’s hands clutched my arms as she continued to grieve. She’s held herself together pretty well since her meltdown but us being forced to live in this moment is finally setting in for her. She’s now forced to acknowledge her mother’s death in front of so many pairs of eyes.

“I can’t do this. This is too hard.” Camila began to sob into my chest, squeezing my arms with everything she’s got.

“Yes you can. I believe in you.” Rubbing her back in large, slow circles I continued to talk Cam down from the ledge.

“I cannot do this. Please don’t make me. Please..” She begged, quickly using me as an aid to hold herself up. I can see how badly this ceremony is tearing her up inside but I do want her to finish this letter. I think it’ll be a decision she regrets if she chooses not to speak.

I plead with her again hoping to make some sort of breakthrough. “Camila look at me please, just for a second..” She stood tall in front of me, completely engaged. “I’m not about to make you finish reading this letter. You know I would never force you to do anything that you don’t want to or agree with. However, I strongly urge you to finish this letter. After today, you won’t be with her in a physical sense again so I think you should enjoy this time that you have left with her. Do this for her but also yourself. I don’t want you to develop any sort of resentment for yourself or this moment.”

Camila composed herself in silence. I know without a doubt the wheels in her head are turning as she thinks over my advice. “Will you stand here with me? I can’t do this alone..”

Smirking at her delicate request I offered my presence and support in any way she needs. With our hands joined and fingers intertwined, we stood at the podium together. Camila took several breaths before continuing her speech.

“I made a promise that I’d never allow you to become a memory in the lives of our children. We vow to always celebrate your birthday and make your existence known whenever necessary. I hate that we didn’t have more time together. There’s so much I wanted to do with you but now I can’t. Out of five kids I’m the only one who gave you grandchildren. You would’ve had three in September. My son will never get to meet the amazing woman who taught me everything I know. My son will never get to learn the ways of a headstrong woman like you. I do not know if I can live up to the skill level of parenting as you but I will make every attempt to do so.” Pausing, Camila looked up from her letter and gently squeezed my hand.

“I honor my mother for her grace and humility. She never frowned upon my life choices. She always reminded me of how special I am, how much she loved me and how proud she was of my accomplishments. She would even cheer for my failures from time to time because she said mistakes make us human. Our screw ups are what make each of us unique. She always told me that my mistakes would mold my character and she was right.” Camila said her final words and as we retreated to our seats she asked to make a stop.

“Do you want to see her?” I questioned softly, clutching her hand tightly.

“Please..” She nodded. I did the honors, being cautious to not move too fast. I secured the top of the casket, wrapping my right arm behind Camila to provide her with early support. “I can’t believe any of this.” She whispered, covering her mouth.

Leaning down I pressed my lips to her hairline, allowing her this time to live in the moment. After a few minutes of us standing here, Victor appeared with the girls. I took Kenja off of Victor’s hands, becoming her shoulder to cry on too.

“I’m gonna miss her so much..” Kenja sniffled. Cam made eye contact with Ev, leaning in to hug me from an angle.

“I know baby, we all will..” Cam agreed solemnly. Eventually, I led my family back to our awaiting seats. A powerful, warm energy settled nearby, prompting me to speak. Kenja tagged along, still nestled against my shoulder.

Standing before the crowd, I locked eyes with Camila and her father sorting through my inner thoughts.

“I just have a few things I want to say. I am beyond humbled and grateful that Emilina loved and cared for me in the way that she did. She has treated me as if I was another son to her and for that I will be eternally grateful. Around the time that my world collided with Camila’s, I was going through a rough time. I felt as if I was living in hell, excuse me. Having Camila and our daughter in my life gave me the strength to keep pushing forward. Many years ago, I promised Emilina that I would use every ounce of my power to protect and provide for our family. She instilled the utmost trust in me and I’m so happy that she did. Emilina never failed to make me feel included in her heart and her prayers. She was a living angel. I admire how soft spoken but powerful she was. I admire how deeply she loved each of us. I am honored to have so many sweet memories to cherish until the end of time.”

Peering down at my daughter I caught her eye. Her ghostly smile and minor dimple in her left cheek warmed my heart. The urge to get emotional overtook me and settled into feeling blessed beyond measure. The remainder of my speech is directly aimed at my mother-in-law.

“Emilina, you put your faith in me to keep your girls safe and happy. I promise today before God, our friends and family, to continue to do so until I’m no longer here. I have never loved any woman as much as I do your daughter. You blessed this Earth and my life with an angel. Camila is a beautiful extension of you. I am grateful that you brought her into this world. We love you so much and we will always miss you.” I closed with a prayer that the minister joined in on. He took over so I could return to my seat to be with my family.

_____________ ____________

Setting Zoe’s hairbrush back in her bag I initially planned to have her in bed an hour ago but she’s stubborn. After the service, Zoe’s energy level began to increase to new heights. Finally, after two meals, the service from this morning, a bath and getting her hair washed, she’s much more relaxed. I began to detach her from my chest but she fought me.

“Daddy, I’m not sleepy.” Zoe mumbled.

“Oh no? You’ve been falling in and out of sleep since your bath.” I tried laying her down again but she didn’t want to let go. Sighing out of defeat I went to lay on our bed with her still wrapped around me. “Why don't you want to go to bed?” I asked, pulling her pajama pants down.

“I don’t want to miss out.” She yawned, with her hands on my chest.

“Miss out on what? Kenny is asleep, mommy will be back soon and then she and I are calling it a night. We have a busy day tomorrow Zoe.” I explained.

“Ok, ok. Night daddy.” Zoe kissed my chin, finally getting comfortable enough to follow suit to her sister.

I must have passed out along with her for quite some time until I heard sudden movement. Awaking in a hurry I scanned the room to notice Cam’s return.

Sighing, I stood up to make room for her. “You scared the hell out of me..”

“I’m sorry honey, I didn’t mean to scare you. How were the girls? Did they give you a hard time?” She apologized and went on to get ready for bed.

“I’ll be fine, you have nothing to be sorry about. No, they were good. How’s your dad doing?” I asked. Pulling the blanket up over Zoe’s back I checked the lock on our door and the windows before getting back into bed.

Cam and I made light hearted conversation to shake the chip off our shoulders. We’ve each taken a hard hit of reality in the past forty-eight hours. It’s best Cam and I stay as united and positive as possible. Not only for the girls but for ourselves and our partnership. Once we return home and some time has passed, we can reopen this wound.

"YOUR MIND AND BODY MATTERS"

-October 28, 2020

Have you ever check upon yourself? Especially your mind and body? And if so, when is the last time you did it? As of now that the worlds facing a pandemic it is important to monitor our mind and body not just on the month of celebration about mental health. Many news are coming out about their physical and mental health to their family and personal problems in life especially those students who are having difficulties on their online classes. There are lots of sayings that this is not good for them as you browse on different social links that is based from their experience and it is sad to say that most students felt depression and anxiety that they killed themselves because their minds are full of pressure about simultaneously deadlines/activities and felt sick beacuse of having a lack of sleep. This is one of the examples I have cited that I wanted to encourage my fellow students to ask themeselves right now this kind of questions, "How healthy is my mind and body?" & "Am I truly happy and enjoying what I am doing?". Because we can't deny somehow we feel lost and empty. That's why it is important to assess if we are still okay about our physical and mental health because both are interconnected as our thoughts affects our physical body.

According to Newport Academy (2019), "The mind and the body are not two separate entities—although they are often treated that way. Physical health and emotional health are intimately intertwined in what’s known as the mind-body connection.

Our chemistry and biology impact our mood and emotions, as well as thoughts and beliefs. With all of these factors combined, they play a major role in influencing our stress and physical health. If you’ve ever felt your stomach tighten up when you were anxious, you’ve experienced the mind-body connection."

If you are one of this kind of students who doesn't have healthy mind and body or who wanted to know how to maintain your mind and body strong and healthy, here are Eight Habits for you according to Valentine (2017).

1. Exercise using something you love

Physical exercise has been shown in countless studies to help reduce stress, increase energy, improve mood, and even help make us more creative.

Great right? However, advice on how to make exercise a habit is a bit lacking. That’s because exercise can be a really difficult habit to stick to. But if there’s one thing I’ve found really helps stick to physical exercise and make it a long-term habit it’s this:

Exercise in a way that allows you to enjoy something you love.

You have to really look forward to working out. Whatever it is that you do, whether it’s running, lifting weights, doing cardio, martial arts, Yoga, or something else, you need to pick an exercise method you really enjoy.

For example, I love martial arts. I’m a lot more likely to stick to my work out while doing that than running or lifting weights. On the flip side, if there’s no particular exercise-like activity you enjoy, maybe you really love music. Play all your favorite music during your workout and you’ll notice yourself far more likely to get up to exercise. Another option is listening to podcasts about your craft while running.

Either way, exercise is a big one, so find a way to make it work for you.

2. Meditation

Meditation is another huge one. However, meditation isn’t really what most people think it is.

If you don’t like the traditional idea of meditation, you can meditate while doing virtually anything if you use the right method (i.e. mindfulness meditation). Also, studies have shown that as little as five to ten minutes of meditation offers great benefits, so don’t think you need to sit for a half hour every day. You really don’t.

Similar to physical exercise, there are several different methods and forms of meditation, so do a little adventuring and experimentation to find a method and form that works for you. Everyone is different and different methods of meditation tend to work better for different people.

3. Mindful walking

This is easily one of my favorite activities on this entire list, but it’s also the most obscure. Mindful walking, also known as walking meditation, is meditation in motion. It can be done formally as a dedicated practice and informally by paying attention to your steps and what is going on around you as you move.

This is great for many of the reasons formal meditation is (albeit less concentrated), however, there’s another big reason to do mindful walking: it helps you tune in to the body.

Sometimes, things occur in the body that we don’t notice. Oftentimes, chronic issues and illness begin to creep up in ways often unseen. However, by learning to tune in to the body with mindful walking, we can notice these things arise before they become more of an issue.

It’s a hard thing to explain, but it’s been infinitely useful to me. In many ways, this one exercise gives us a way to check in with both the mind and body on a regular basis and in an incredibly convenient way while going about our daily activities, so its place on this list is well-earned.

4. Rise early

Rising early is something I took years to develop. However, it was so worth it.

There are positives to staying up late, particularly if you find that you’re more productive or creative during late night hours. However, in general, I’ve found that the majority of people are most productive in the early morning hours.

In addition, though, waking up early and adopting a morning routine that prepares you for the day helps you start each day off with the optimal state of mind to tackle problems and make decisions, something incredibly useful for everyone no matter what your profession.

So, if you’re not already, see what waking up a little earlier does for you.

5. Adopt a nighttime routine

On the flip side of that, adopting an effective night time routine that puts your mind in the right state before bed and helps maximize the quality of your sleep is also incredibly beneficial.

Unfortunately, most of us in the West just don’t value sleep enough. We tend to place work above well-being and prefer to leave sleep for when we die. However, two decades of scientific research now says this isn’t just a bad idea health-wise – it’s unproductive.

Take some time to craft a simple but effective nighttime routine and I promise – you won’t regret it.

6. Remove sugar, add water, get your food from the source

This is the basic recipe I follow when it comes to nutrition advice.

Over the years, I’ve learned a lot and tried so many different things with regards to nutrition. At this point, my ideology on nutrition is pretty relaxed. And it’s never worked out better.

There’s a ton of advice out there and, rightfully, it can be pretty confusing. So, I’ve chosen to follow a pretty simple mantra that offers me roughly eighty percent of the benefit of any particular diet while doing about twenty percent of the work to get that benefit. It’s this:

Remove sugar: Sugar is bad. Really bad. Occasional sugar is just fine, even daily, as long as you try to keep it under 50g at an absolute a maximum (30g even better).

Add water: Buy a dedicated flask just for water and you’ll have a one thousand times higher likelihood of sticking to the habit of drinking water daily. About eight to ten cups is fine, but you should look into what your specific amount is based on your body weight.

Get your food from the source: Do you have a farm where you live? Or a farmer’s market? Awesome. Section of your grocery store with local farm foods? Pretty good too. Also, this refers to what food you eat as well. Put a little more whole foods into your diet or get a juicer.

Keep it simple and use this method to get most of the benefit of altering your diet while saving you time to focus on what’s most important to you.

7. Find friends who identify with your challenges

We’re social creatures. No matter what you do, you can’t escape this.

And so, by virtue of this, the more social we are, the healthier we tend to be.

However, there’s something very specific about relationships that helps us more than anything else: having people around us who identify and sympathize with our challenges and who we communicate with often about those challenges. The lack thereof is often the reason for suicide in those who suffer from depression or bullying.

When we have people around us who listen and understand what we’re going through, something magical happens: we get through it (what it is for you). It’s a very simple thing that we often overlook but is so critical to our mental and even physical health.

8. Find a passion project or creative outlet

If you’ve been pursuing something you love for some time now, I don’t have to tell you how great it makes you feel.

The energy we get while pursuing our passions is limitless and gives us a sense of vitality that is hard (if impossible) to acquire any other way.

Using our brain regularly keeps our mind strong and moving helps keep us physically healthy, so if you haven’t yet taken the time to find what you’re passionate about and to start pursuing that with every fiber of your being, start now (before it’s too late).

There's no harm in trying, our mind and physical gives us energy. A person who can change his/her mind can change his/her lives. Always remember health is our wealth. Keep on checking and doing the things you love.

Sources:

Newport Academy, (2019). Understang the Mind-Body Connection. https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/understanding-the-mind-body-connection/

Valentine, M., (2017). 8 Habits You Need to Lock Down for a Strong, Healthy Mind and Body. https://www.goalcast.com/2017/12/14/8-habits-healthy-mind-and-body/

Hi 👉👈

Yes a hug would indeed hold me back 👀 oops okie dokes, no fighting the pillow, but you'll have to hug me in return 🤷😝

oh yes!! I saw it just came out on Netflix and on Kuro's stories too. That's really cool omg, is it good? I might just start it after I finish suits, and "how to get away with murder". (I'm such a sucker for TV shows about lawyers xD) aaah you're literally so precious for giving me that disclaimer 😔💖 (can you get any cuter?? Skdjsksk)

oh I'm sorry to hear that about Liza :(( I really hope she'll get more time to do things she enjoys. Having a helicopter parent is no fun, and it's important to explore your own individual identities, and have good relationships with your parents, tho you sound so proud of her and that's amazing!! I'm sure she's a fantastic artist 💖💖 she seems really dedicated which is a really admirable value. You'll get your team done soon!! And I'm sure it'll turn out wonderfully <3

I'M SURE ILL LOVE YOUR PLOV :] and I learned how to make pan mee from my friend the other day SO I WILL MAKE SOME FOR YOU TOO. it's literally such a good dish and whenever me and my friends go out together, we always go and have it together. It's just funny because it's so spicy, our lips all look rly red after eating it, lipstick whom?? I only know sPiCe 😭😭

awww Kuro has little siblings? That's really precious :> totally support your idea of adopting him, you'd be a great dad 😔😔😔🤚

one of my best friends just sent me pictures of himself today, rocking blue hair and I just about went to his house to see it for myself because it looked so good. He did it to match his favourite character and I was like 😭😭💖💖💖😍 this friend of mine is actually really special to me, because ask anyone we know, and they'll say he's just the male version of me. We have EVERYTHING in common, it's kinda weird. Even our names are alike. 😭😭 I'm glad he moved to my school this year because now I finally have someone to talk about anime and manga to :>

ah I'm so sorry to hear that 😭 losing a pet is one of the worst things that can happen, because it's basically losing a best friend, you know?

Big hairy cats do indeed go grrrr 😭but yeah, I find the abbreviation so lame I just tell people it's "Leo" for lions ;-; since Leo is strongly associated as the lion constellation.

Ooh what band is that?? Tho yes I totally get you. Harry potter is a guilty pleasure of mine too xD and so is ice cream ;-; I should not have ice cream cuz it makes my nose go red which makes it look like I have a permanent blush, but I eat it anyways and it happens and yeah sljdkssk ;-;

thank you... I hope it was okay, because I really worked hard on it but it's a shame I bombed the presentation. Oh well, there's always next time.

NO YOU ARE MY SEROTONIN SPIKER AND I WANT TO SHOWER YOU IN HUGS AND KISSES AND ALL MY LOVE RN 😭😭😔🤚💖 I love youuuuuuuuuuuuu <3

—Ari

Heya!!

I'd highly even if you did fight my pillow cuz ily and I'm touch starved like that😈😈 deheheh but seriously I wish I could hug you💞😭

Well, I did enjoy it!! There's kind of weird Japanese humor if you squint, but overall? I loved it, hehe. It's about three guys, whose lives are miserable, and one day they meet up together and then get teleported into a place identical to where they are, except there are no people and there are a lot of life or death games. I like stuff like this, I've also watched "Escape Room" which is pretty similar, though it's a single movie, while AitB is a series

Ohhh I've heard of that one!! I kind of forgot about it though, but I'll watch it someday haha:D

Why could I not?? I wouldn't wanna make you uncomfortable by making you watch those scenes😠 I'm ✨considerate✨ sjjwjfjwjkz

I really hope so! Shes also been having a lot of stuff going on in her musical school, so that's also harsh😩 I'm hoping she'll get enough rest on the holidays

OHHH I bet I'll love your pan mee🤤❤ also, it's that spicy? Hell yeahhh!! I already love it😝🤪❤

Kuro doesnt have younger siblings, but he does have older ones, and the kids are his nephews (and a niece)! But he doesnt really like his family, except his mom, that's another reason to adopt him~

OH THAT SOUNDS SO AWESOME IM SURE HE LOOKS ASTONISHING also what that sounds so cute!!! You have ur own twin🥺❤❤ he sounds really cool, I'm glad you have someone like him !!!!!

Its Mccafferty!! Do NOT check it out, I dont know if you'd like them or not but its better not to find out. Better to check out The front bottoms, they're pretty similar, or so I've heard xd

Oh no!! Does it hurt when it happens?? Not being able to eat ice cream is probably the worst punishment😩😩 I'm not a huge fan but I still wouldnt mind eating 42 kilos of ice cream in a sitting, ya know?

You're right!! Theres always next time, so dont beat yourself too much for what's already passed! You've got this, shortcake, I believe in you♡ Love you, and I hope you sleep well tonight<3

A Million Dreams

Pairing: Ben Hardy x reader

Summary: Reader and Ben have a beautiful relationship that only becomes stronger as the years go by. He met her while he was working in Eastenders

Warnings: This pure fluff but maybe some grammar mistakes English isn’t my first language and the timeline may be kind of a mess, also I know nothing about fashion so I don’t know if there are mistakes about it.

A/N: this is for @queens-n-roses 2k writing challenge, her blog is one of my favorite. It is based on the song A Million Dreams which is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies so this was really fun to write. This is my first time posting so if you like it let me know

2013

Your first job after you finished your career was in the BBC you took care of the costumes for different shows but your real dream was to become a successful fashion designer with your own clothing line. It wasn’t gonna be easy you knew that and you were happy working there it was a good way to start your life.

One of the shows was Eastenders you felt like it was a dream since you used to watch the show with your grandmother that’s where you met Ben you helped him get ready and fixed his hair a little bit though it wasn’t your work, he was always so kind and like to talk with you before his scenes you didn’t want to accept it but you had a little crush on him little do you know as weeks went by he developed a crush on you too.

“Hi Y/N” he said when he got back to return his costume “I was wondering if…you would like to go for a drink with me tomorrow”

You were surprised you never thought he could see you as more than a friend “I’d love to”

“Cool so…see you tomorrow” he kissed your cheek and left you were so happy you couldn’t believe this was really happening.

The next night you were at a bar near his flat both drinking a beer laughing this was the first time you ever talked to him outside work you couldn’t believe how funny and kind he really was.

“So…Y/N” he said after taking a sip of his beer “tell me about you we’ve talked enough about me”

“Well…what can I say? I love designing and I dream of having my own clothing line someday…maybe work in Paris or in Milan for a while” you said with a gleam in your eyes which Ben thought was adorable “I know it’s stupid it may never happen” you said looking down at your beer.

“No, it isn’t” he said holding your hand on the table “I think it’s great…you know when you talk about it you have a gleam in your eyes”

“Thank you my parents never wanted me to study design but my grandmother taught how to sew and she died before I got into college she wanted to be a fashion designer as well she was really happy when I told her I wanted to study design” you said you felt really comfortable talking to Ben about it both of you felt like you had known each other for ages “my parents said ‘you should study law or something like that you will never make it as a designer’ I guess they were kind of right”

“You’re joking? I’ve seen some of your drawings when I go get my costume and they’re so good” Ben said “You’re really talented”

“Thank you” you whispered

2016

You and Ben had been dating for three years now and you were so happy about it. A week after your first date he asked you to be his official girlfriend of course you said yes. Now you were getting ready to the premiere of X-Men: Apocalypses wearing a dressed you designed, now you were a well kwon designer you still remember when you got your job as an assistant in a fashion magazine.

“They are going to call you” Ben said trying to calm you kissing your shoulder “you’re the best fashion designer in the world”

“How can you be so sure? This magazine is really important if I get the job…” you said you were really nervous when the phone rang “Hello...yeah this is she…oh it’s alright yeah thank you”

“And…did you get the job?” Ben asked he wouldn’t admit it but he was as nervous as you.

“I got the job!” you screamed “I GOT THE JOB!!”

“You see baby I told you!!!” he hugged you so tight he was really proud.”I love you”

It was the first time he ever said that “I love you too”.

And from that moment on your career only grew you were discovered by another designer and he helped you to get to the next level you were finishing your make up when another memory came to your mind when Ben got the role for X-Men.

Ben was a really nervous walking around your bedroom this stressed you and Frankie out.

“Babe I know you’re really nervous so am I but you have to calm down you’re stressing Frankie too” you said from your desk you were working on some ideas for your next collection.

“It’s just this is a big role you know? It’s going to be great”

“You’re so talented they are going to call you” you said leaving your desk giving him a hug “do you want to watch Netflix until they call? I can finish later”

He nodded.

You were halfway through the third movie when Ben got the call saying he got role you were really happy and proud “I told you all of our dreams would come true” you said before kissing him.

“Ready?” Ben’s voice brought you back to reality.

“Yeah I am” you said looking yourself in the mirror for the last time you were really nervous this was your first public event as Ben’s girlfriend you both wanted and tried to keep your relationship private to avoid any hate comment but now you were tired of it Ben wanted to show he was your boyfriend to the world “you look so handsome”

“And you look so beautiful” he kissed you.

The premiere was awesome and you two received kind and beautiful comments on your instagram accounts people really loved you two together you even thought that you should have made public your relationship earlier.

Two months after the premiere he was sure he wanted to marry you. You both had a really good relationship, you rarely had big fights and when you had them you would always make up the same night, you started living together a year after you began dating and adopted Frankie together. It was a Sunday morning when Ben missed your body in bed with him he checked the time it was 7.30 am so he went to look for you he took the small red box he kept in his drawer at first he wanted to do something special like surprising you in Milan or a fancy dinner but you loved simple improvised stuff and he couldn’t wait to ask you.

He found on your studio drawing he smiled he thought it was cute sometimes when you had ideas in your dreams you would wake up and start drawing them in the middle of the night in fact seeing in your pajamas in yours stool with your hair made a mess made him love you more and he felt more confident of his decision of asking you.

“Hi babe” he said kissing your head “what are you doing up so early?” Ben was in pajamas you didn’t know what time it was you just had an idea in the middle of the night and you had draw it before you forgot it.

“I’m working on something I just got invited to the fashion week in Milan” you said in a yawn but with that gleam in your eyes that appeared every time you talked about your job or about anything you loved which Ben loved.

“I love that when you talk about your designs and all the ideas you have your eyes have this special gleam and I just want to spend every moment of my life next to you” you stopped what you were doing and turned around on your chair to look at him “we’ve been through everything together and I just love everything about you” he popped a red velvet box out nowhere “will you marry me?”

“YES!” you said bursting into tears you were so happy you threw yourself into his arms kissing him “I love you so much” you said as he put the ring on your finger.

“I’m sorry I asked you this way…I just couldn’t wait” he said “I was planning on surprising you in Milan”

“You know you don’t have to do that” you said “This moment is perfect just me and you”

2017

You’ve been married with Ben for five months now and you two were the happiest people on Earth you were working on something for your summer line you had taken some inspiration from the 80’s all the colors and prints really made you happy when Ben burst into the house.

“Y/N! I NEED DRUM LESSONS IMMEDIATELY!” he screamed.

“If you want to learn there is a teacher near here” you said calmly whenever Ben was stressed you stopped what you were doing to comfort him “you don’t have to act this way. Why are you so nervous?”

“I…may or may not have said I knew how to play the drums to get a role” he said you were confused.

“Why would you do that?”

“I really want to play Roger in a movie about Queen” he said with a smile just the thought of the possibility of getting the role made him really happy.

“Baby that’s awesome” you said you two were big Queen fans “You have to start your lessons right away!”

When he got the role you two were so excited he even took you to meet Brian and Roger and you were there when he met the boys, you were there first day shooting live aid you even did the BAB dance with Joe and Gwilym.

“You sure you don’t want to come with me today?” Ben said holding your hips “You know everyone will miss you there”

“Of course I want to go but I really have to stay here finish something for my new collection” you said but it was a lie the truth was that you thought you were pregnant you hadn’t had your period in 2 weeks and you really hoped you were pregnant “good luck” you kissed him goodbye.

Once he left, you did two different pregnancy tests to be sure they turned out to be positive you couldn’t wait to tell him it was happening you really were having a family with him you burst into tears again another one of your dreams came true.

When Ben got home from set he was really tired and he really had missed seeing you around even Roger and Brian thought it was weird not seeing you there.

“Hey babe” he gave you a small kiss on the lips.

“Hi! Did you have a good day on set?” You asked as he sat on the couch next to you.

“Yeah…but I missed you” he hugged you and pulled your back closer to his chest “everyone actually”

“Yeah I missed everyone too” you said in a sigh “especially Joe”

“I knew you were cheating on me!” he continued the joke “but Joe is mine, babygirl”

“You wish” you laughed with him “hey can you help me finish some designs? I ran out of ideas”

“Sure”

You gave him some drawings they all were baby clothing “You’ve never done clothes for babies why…” and then he saw the last drawing it said ‘which one do you like for our baby?’ “Are you…are you pregnant?” he said you nodded your head.

“I found out this morning” you said with a smile.

He got up from the couch with you in his arms he couldn’t believe it.

“We’re going to be parents!” he was really happy about it he put you back on the ground “I have to tell the boys! They are going to be so happy about it”

“Hold on” you said “we can tell them tomorrow on set…now can we just lay in the couch and cuddle? I missed you so much today”

“Yeah I can do that”

You giggled as you laid down in the couch with him his hands were in your flat belly while he kissed your neck you felt safe and warm in his arms you were thinking about how happy you were in that moment this was actually happening you were having a family with Ben you two had successful careers and been through a lot together you knew you were going to be wonderful parents and your life was perfect those million dreams you had as a kid came true the moment you met Ben and you couldn’t wait to see your kid making his or her dreams come true.

--

Zelda: A tale of two rulers fanfic Chapter 4

Chapter 4

While Hakai was running, he eventually ended up at a dead end. He just sat down and started crying. ‘I… I hope to see you again, one day. ‘, he said. After a little time passed he suddenly heard a voice: ‘There you are…’ Hakai looked up from the ground. It was Ghirahim. ‘King Ganondorf asked me to search for you.’, he said, ‘Come on. I’ll bring you back to their majesties.’ Ghirahim grabbed his hand and together they materialized in front of the Queen and the King. ‘Well done Ghirahim. You’re dismissed.’, the king said. Hakai was looking down. ‘I… I’m sorry for running away. I-’, Hakai began but Zelda disrupted him: ‘No. What the merchant did was wrong. If you want to keep the necklace then you can keep it. But… may I ask… why it is so important to you?’ ‘I… well… I got it from a very dear friend of mine.’, Hakai said, ‘We first met 4 years ago. She was walking around the streets with her family and saw the two of us. She took pity on us and gave us something to eat. She introduced herself as Sayuri Yamamoto.’ ‘Yamamoto? Oh no…’, Zelda said. ‘Anyway… Since that day she came along every day to give us food and something to drink. One day, she gifted me this necklace. But then… approximately one year later… bandits attacked Castle Town while she was on the market with her parents. She herself survived but her parents were killed. The last time I saw her, she told me that she would be brought to an orphanage here in Castle Town. I didn’t know where this orphanage is, so I’ve never seen her since. I hope she got adopted by a loving and caring family.’, Hakai said. ‘I… I knew her family. I was the one who sent her to the orphanage.’, Zelda said. ‘Maybe we could go there and ask if she got adopted and by whom.’, the King said. ‘That would be awesome. I’d love to see her again.’, Hakai said. ‘But that will have to wait until tomorrow. I have to do some paperwork and Ganondorf has to train with Rinku now.’ The two of them already wanted to leave when Hakai said: ‘Uhm… I… I would also like to learn to fight.’ Ganondorf and Zelda looked at each other. ‘Good idea. I think you could become a great soldier.’, Ganondorf said. ‘But you two should also learn to read, write and other things.’ Hakai and Yuna looked at each other. ‘I guess, if I can do these things I could help out here. Somehow I gotta say thank you for being allowed to live here.’, Yuna said. Hakai nodded. ‘Well then. Follow me Hakai.’ ‘Can I come with?’, Yuna asked. ‘I don’t see why not.’, Ganondorf said. Hakai followed Ganondorf. They stopped at a door. Impa was in front of it. ‘Don’t worry. I made sure, she can’t flee through the window anymore.’, Impa said. The king opened the door. ‘Hey Ganondad… I’m sorry about what happened.’, Rinku said. ‘I appreciate it but you’re still grounded. And I think you should apologize to someone else.’ ‘To whom?’, Rinku asked, then she saw Hakai and Yuna, ‘Oh…’ Hakai looked at her with a cold glance. ‘First of all… Thank you for saving me.’ Hakai didn’t respond. ‘I… I’m sorry that I… that I stole the bread Hakai. Okay?’ Hakai still didn’t respond. ‘Would you please say anything?’, Rinku asked. Yuna wanted to say something but Hakai shook his head. ‘What else do you want?’, Rinku asked. Hakai gave her an angry glance. ‘You don’t really mean your apology. You just said it because you’re hoping that you’re no longer being grounded after it. I want you to understand just what you have done. Yuna and I lived on the streets for over 5 years. It’s really hard to survive there. I worked every day to get at least a little bit to eat. Most of the food I got, I didn’t eat myself. No… I gave it to my sister. Sometimes I starved for many days. But knowing that my sister was alright, gave me the strength to carry on. Then one day, she suddenly got this terrible disease. Still I carried on because I wanted her to live as long as possible. You stole the bread of a dying girl, who lived on the streets. Princess or not, you should be ashamed of yourself.’ Rinku listened to him with a shocked expression. ‘I… I… I didn’t know. I… I…’ Tears began to fill her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry… I didn’t know how hard it is to live on the streets. I… I feel so stupid.’ Yuna looked at Hakai who nodded at her. ‘That’s all I wanted. I forgive you.’, Hakai said. ‘Me too.’, Yuna said. ‘Wow kid. You’re pretty harsh for a 9 year old’ ‘My childhood died with my father.’, Hakai said. ‘… Well then kids, let’s go outside. It’s time for your training.’, King Ganondorf said. ‘They are training too?’, Rinku asked after she wiped the tears off her face. ‘Only Hakai. Yuna just wants to stay close to her brother.’ The 4 of them went to the training grounds of the castle. ‘Well Hakai. Here are the weapons you can choose from: Here we have a great sword, here we have an ax. And here we have a couple of broadswords.’ ‘Can I… Can I learn to fight using two broadswords?’, Hakai asked. ‘Why do you want to learn dual wielding?’, Ganondorf asked. ‘Well… my father fought like this.’ ‘I see… Well… of course you can. But it’s not easy.’ Hakai chose two of the broadswords. ‘I expected them to be heavier.’, Hakai said. Ganondorf told Hakai to try to attack a training dummy with his swords. Surprisingly for Ganondorf, it seemed like Hakai was a natural. Every move the King told the kids to perform, Hakai did without loosing his balance or doing any kind of mistake. ‘Where did you learn this?’, the King asked him. ‘I sometimes watched my father train with his swords. I tried my best to imitate his moves from back then.’, Hakai said. ‘You have a pretty good memory.’, the King said. They trained until it was dark. ‘Well then. That’s it for today.’, the King said, ‘Hakai. You are very skilled. Keep it up and you’ll be one of the best warriors this kingdom has ever seen.’ ‘Thank you my king.’, Hakai said with a bow. ‘Well then… I’ll tell the servants prepare a room for you two. And I’ll make sure that you go to your room.’, the king said as he saw that Rinku tried to sneak away. ‘Awww man.’, Rinku said. A few minutes later, two servants walked up to the two siblings. ‘Would you please follow us? We’ll bring you to your room.’, one of them said. They followed them to a relatively big room. There was a big closet and two beds. ‘Wooow. This is our room?’, Yuna asked. ‘That is correct.’, the other servant said, ‘The Queen also has sent you sleeping clothes.’ ‘But before you go to sleep. I’d suggest you two go to the dining hall.’, the first servant said. The two siblings went to the dining hall where they were expected by the King, the Queen and Rinku. While they were eating, Rinku suddenly asked: ‘Well… Hakai… I know what happened to your father… but what about your mother?’ ‘Rinku!’, Zelda said. ‘No. It’s okay.’, Hakai said, ‘Well… my mother sadly died after she gave birth to my sister.’ ‘I’m… sorry to hear that.’, Rinku said. ‘Well Hakai…’, the Queen said, ‘I heard you are very skilled with the broadswords.’ ‘Oh… it’s nothing. I’m just doing what I picked up from watching my father.’ ‘I see…’ After they finished eating, Hakai and Yuna wished the others a good night and returned to their room. They put on their sleeping clothes and lay down in their beds. ‘Wow. These are even more comfortable than the ones at the doctor’s.’, Yuna said. Soon after that, the two of them fell asleep.

A tale of two rulers is a Zelda fancomic by @figmentforms​ please check out their comic. I got their permission to write a fanfic based on their AU

He Loved (M)

2018 Birthday Story for Jin!

Seokjin x Reader (ft. Jungkook and Namjoon) Genre: Japanese period AU, smut, angst & fluff Word count:  20,361 words

A/N: Credit for the banner art goes to SiChen Wang. Check out their awesome art here! Many thanks to Alyssa @wonhoandonly and my other awesome regular beta for beta-ing for me!

Japanese terms used are at the end of the story.

Disclaimer/Copyright

I’d been hoping that I could avoid this moment forever, but no amount of delusion on my part could convince me that this is not inevitable.

Considering my friend’s question with a sigh that I don’t refrain from, I give her a sheepish smile. Of course, she has every right to ask me the status of my — now admittedly — foolish pursuit for Lord Seokjin, the popular yet enigmatic leader of the Kim forces. I feel embarrassed of myself enough about it without her reminder, but I know that she’ll ask me sooner or later. There goes my hopeless hope that she will somehow forget so that my humiliating behaviour and immature feelings would almost never have happened, except in my own head. Because I’m sure that I’ll never forget.

However, I have no one to blame but myself. For weeks I obsessed over the man, determined to somehow beat the countless other ladies vying for his attention, even going so far as to ask my friend for help, without realising that my feelings for him were shallow at best. Even now, I can’t fault my friend for asking, not when I was the one who brought up the subject of Jungkook, whose help I’d suggested she employ in order to get closer to Lord Seokjin. As insanely close as she was to Jungkook, I didn’t expect for them to marry. They seemed more like endlessly squabbling siblings than anything else. When I brought it up, she was apologetic, revealing that she’d worked hard to conceal her feelings for Jungkook, but that they were always there. Not that she has to feel sorry for anything. I’m genuinely happy for them, although sometimes I wonder if their silly quibbles now are due to force of habit.

“Sorry that I wasn’t able to help much in the end,” she says apologetically, but the smile on her face is beatific. “Things just happened with Jungkook and I got distracted, then there was the wedding...” I shake my head, nudging the corners of my mouth to stretch upwards as I tell her that it’s fine, that she has nothing to worry about. But when she adds energetically, “Oh, but I managed to mention it to Jin’s cousin as well! Although—“ It became so painful that I just have to stop her.

“You’ve gone to great lengths to help me, so I don’t know how to say this.” It’s a start, I suppose, but I pause there, wondering how to continue. Still, after my shameless behaviour, such embarrassment is more than I deserve, so I continue; “Truthfully, I changed my mind, so you don’t have to find out any information on Lord Seokjin.”

“Oh.” My friend’s eyes fix on the right hand that hovers in the air, stopping her from continuing. Then they lift themselves back up to my face, searching for answers that her mouth can’t seem to ask for. If I wasn’t so busy trying to hide my rueful blush, I’d find the way her lips part, then close, only to open again in attempts to formulate her question undeniably funny. However, I settle for waiting until she has found the right words to throw into the air. They’re simple, but to the point. Blunt, but I understand that it’s the best she can do under her surprised state. I don’t blame her. “Why? You were so determined to find a way to get his heart, too.”

She isn’t exaggerating, which makes me want to disappear through the floor even more. In fact, now that I’ve had time to reflect on my outrageous behaviour in the past, I feel like she’s saying it in the nicest way. Memories of badgering her for any tidbits on Lord Seokjin, unashamedly begging her to ask Jungkook and even Lord Seokjin’s cousin for help, just to possibly put myself ahead of my competition, is nothing short of cringeworthy. The best I can do is shrink myself to the smallest size possible as I scramble to transform my emotions into coherent thoughts. “At first, I thought I was really in love with him. I’m not alone in this I think. I’m sure that’s how all his admirers feel. He’s handsome, admired by both men and women. Even though he is powerful and can probably get anything he wants, he’s still kind and friendly to everyone.” These are great qualities, and enough to enchant any woman. No, just his looks are gorgeous enough to make countless women fall at his feet. I wasn’t the only one who’d been bewitched by his spell, but I wish I’d been wiser. A heavy sigh, not my first, escapes me as I deflate even more, this time without meaning to. “Still, these are just superficial qualities. I don’t really know him at all. While I have no doubt that he is an amazing person as well as a great lord, there’s no telling if I would actually love him if I really knew him. I guess I was too hasty in analysing the sincerity of my feelings towards him.”

For a few moments, she is struck with awe over my realisation. On the other hand, I don’t find it impressive at all, so I simply avoid her admiring gaze. It’s something I should have known from the start, but I was stupid and shallow. Thankfully she recovers quickly enough, clearing her throat before awkwardly telling me, “Uh, I guess it’s just as well, because both of them said—“

“Thank you, but you don’t need to tell me anything about Jin’s preferences,” I interrupt her. “I appreciate it, I really do, but I truly am not interested in forcing a romantic relationship with Lord Seokjin. Or any sort of relationship, for that matter.”

Chuckling as she nods her understanding, she clarifies, “No, no, I’m not trying to tell you how to win his heart.” The air in the room relaxes to match her calmer demeanour now that the uncomfortable subject is drawing to a close. “It’s just that they both said that it’s best not to chase him, because you’ll only hurt yourself in the end.”

Part of me burns with curiosity over the reason behind their advice. Why would I hurt myself if I keep going? Is someone like me so very out of his league? They couldn’t be judging by my personality. While Jungkook does know me, Lord Seokjin’s cousin has never met me before. I’ve only seen her from afar, taking the chance to get a glimpse of the female hero who saved our town from an invasion several months ago. She wouldn’t know if I’m the type of woman Lord Seokjin would like or not. Still, before I can let these probabilities consume my thoughts, I push them resolutely out of my head. Acquiring answers to them would serve me no purpose, as I’ve lost my immature interest in the man.

“I am at my wits’ end,” Kyoko, another friend of mine laments on a different day. Her best friend, Mari, adopts a duly concerned manner, expressing her understanding by patting her friend’s back and nodding. Meanwhile, I can’t help but think that I missed something.

“Was the fight such a horrible one? What happened, actually?” I ask, trying to understand the situation, but she seems too distressed to answer.

“It just pains me to talk about it. But it was all my fault,” she says, lower lip trembling as she holds back her tears. “We were so close before, and now she wouldn’t even see me.”

“And that is why you need me to send this letter to her?” The object causing this discussion has already been handed to me. I hold the missive in my hand more carefully, now understanding its importance. She nods, then shakes her head when I ask, “Is it not better if you give it to her yourself?”

“She must have told them about me, because I get turned away every time I go there,” she explains sadly. The workplace of Kyoko’s friend is on a street that I’m unfamiliar with, so I’m not sure if the other employees are unfriendly or actually good people who are just following the orders given by her. Either way, seeing Kyoko in this state gives me determination to help set things right between the two friends, so I agree to the task.

“I will pass this to her first thing tomorrow,” I promise, but before I can turn around completely and leave, she squeals, “No!” The ground crunches softly under my feet as they twist back so I can face her quizzically.

“She is only there in the evenings,” Kyoko explains her sudden outburst. “Please, you have to go now.”

Looking back upon this later, a woman working into the night and thus having to leave at who knows what hour is highly irregular. Really, it isn’t just that. The whole thing, from the situation to Kyoko’s behaviour is actually quite suspicious. I suppose I am a fool for not noticing it now, not even thinking to question Kyoko’s cough that sounds suspiciously like a giggle. All that is in my mind is simply to help her make things right.

The sun slips towards the Earth as I make my way towards the shop that Kyoko had described. Streets seem to become wider as crowds thin, trickling into their homes for the night. Passers-by, almost all of them men, start giving me curious glances, especially after I find the street that the shop is supposed to be on, but I avoid them by keeping my eyes either on the ground or steadfastly forward. I wish I can send a message home to tell my parents that I’ll be late, but there’s no helping it now. If I just pass the letter and return home immediately, I don’t think I’ll be horribly late. Yet I start to plan my apology in my mind, knowing the scolding that is to come upon my arrival.

Kyoko’s friend apparently works at a place that looks more like a small house than a shop. However, I pay it no mind, knocking without any hesitation as I’m growing anxious of the darkening skies. An irritable woman opens the door just the tiniest crack and her greeting is curt upon seeing me. “Are you lost, girl?”

“No,” I answer quickly, for some reason wary of her closing the door in my face. “I have a letter here for Miss Tomiko.”

“No one by that name here,” she says dismissively, more than ready to turn me away.

“Wait! There must be some mistake.” My hand flies to hold the door, keeping it in place. It isn’t a gesture that the woman appreciates, clearly, as the frown that’s etched on her face deepens even further. Luckily for me, a man walks up behind me, seeking entry. Perhaps he is a regular customer, as the surly woman slides the door fully open with a smile that looks so unnatural on her that it’s almost painful to watch. The important thing is that I manage to take the opportunity to slip in as well. She doesn’t notice at first, instead calling, “Kiyo! We have another customer!” to someone from inside the house. I hear a door slide open from somewhere within, unseen due to my angle but it must have been close, for other sounds accompany the employee’s answer to the summons. Belatedly realising what this place is, I take an involuntary step back, shocked and horrified.

My startled movement draws the attention of the old woman, who immediately squawks, “Hey, how did you get in?” Apparently she has completely forgotten that she was the one who gave me a chance to enter just a few moments earlier. Kiyo, the girl who came out to join us, can’t be much older than I am, and she regards me with a mixture of curiosity and disapproval. She lays a hand on the customer’s arm, a gesture asking him to wait before asking me, “What business do you have here, Miss?” She’s a lot more polite than the older woman, but her tone speaks volumes of her impression of my presence, which is actually quite similar to her coworker. And now that I know where I actually am, their reception is completely understandable. While the realisation has set my heart racing with nervousness and my feet itching to run, somehow I’m still standing there. The shock of learning that I’m in a brothel may have actually frozen me in place.

It takes another “Miss?” from Miss Kiyo for me to remember the letter in my hand and the purpose of my visit. “I—I have a letter for Miss Tomiko.” As if needing to prove my claim, I hold out the letter up to the two women.

Her response this time is the exact one that I’ve gotten before. “There is no one here by that name.” The desperation must have shown on my face, because she looks back at the older woman to confirm. “Is there?” Of course, the answer is negative. “Who is the letter from? Why is it so important to give it to this Miss Tomiko?”

“It is from a friend of mine,” I start to explain, but with every word I decelerate, the heavy feeling in my chest increasing at a rapid pace. “She said... that they got into a row and she would like to patch things up with her.”

The three of them, even the customer look at one another; the cross woman with an exasperated eye-roll and the man with pity while Miss Kiyo fidgets uncomfortably, their reactions giving more weight to my newly arising doubts. Even the latter’s; “Maybe she told you the wrong place by mistake?” sounds feeble and small, an obvious attempt to make me feel better about the awful situation I’m in. Everyone has come to the same conclusion, but no one is eager to put it into words, least of all myself. The air, which I find alien enough after finding out just what sort of a ‘shop’ this is, becomes even more awkward as I struggle to find a way to exit. The urge to grab the door again is even stronger than before, this time in order to flee from embarrassment, fear and sheer awkwardness.

“Maybe you should accept that your friend tricked you into coming here.” An unexpected but melodious voice joins us, followed by the appearance of the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Actually, this is not the first time I’ve seen him, but the fact remains that I have never met anyone as handsome as he is. Unfortunately, Lord Seokjin’s dashing looks is completed with an accessory in the form of a pretty woman clinging onto his arm, which dampens my excitement somewhat. Still, her presence prevents me from forgetting where I am, and I silently nod my agreement to his statement. This is mortifying enough without me adding any more thoughts into it — everyone present knows I’m stupid enough to be fooled by a friend. A friend who is cruel enough to play such a mean trick on me, the fact that I am in a brothel only hitting me after hearing moans and cries high on pleasure, and my previous crush is here with another woman wrapped around him. Thankfully, the last fact is only known to me, but I lower my eyes to the floor regardless; to convey my remorse and perhaps to spare myself of the saddening sight before me, meekly saying, “I am truly sorry for the trouble I have caused. I will take my leave now.”

“Wait,” Lord Seokjin’s one word, while soft, is firm enough to stop me from turning away. “It is already late. I will accompany you home.”

“Oh.” His kind offer surprises me, and my immediate response is to decline. “Thank you, but there is no need for you to go through the trouble. You can just... stay.” The answer comes tumbling out of my mouth without much thought, and by the end of it, that is the only thing I can think of to say, while awkwardly gesturing to his companion. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, I’m the only one whose face is hot and flushed. Well, considering that this may be the norm for them, I suppose this isn’t exactly surprising. Thankfully, Lord Seokjin cuts through the tension by laughing. His laughter is a funny, squeaky one, far from what I would expect from such a charismatic person. For some reason in my mind Lord Seokjin’s mirth would come out as a manly chuckle, good-natured yet still dignified, befitting of his image. In fact, I’m sure that I’ve heard such laughter when he is among his throng of admirers. From the wide-eyed looks that he’s receiving from the others, I can’t help but think that this is their first time hearing it as well.

Though strangely charming, he catches himself way too quickly, stopping himself with a cough. Part of me wishes he would go on, continuing to distract me from my predicament and making my heart jump strangely in my chest. But the latter is the worst thing that can happen, now that I’ve given him up, and the end of this ordeal is close to ending for me, so perhaps it’s good for both me and Lord Seokjin to come to our senses. “That is quite alright. I am done here anyway.” Well, that explains his presence in the doorway. The woman who’d serviced him must be loath to let him go. I can relate.

“You should stay here longer next time, my Lord,” she croons sexily, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Maybe try some real service.”

The meaning of her last sentence is completely lost on me, but I don’t bother asking because I highly doubt anyone would answer. It’s probably the kind of talk that I’m not used to. Left with no room to object, I wait for Lord Seokjin to say his goodbyes to his companion and the older woman whom he simply addresses as ‘Madam’. He even gives a small nod to the other customer, but completely ignores Kiyo. Perhaps he doesn’t think of her worthy of his notice? That certainly makes my opinion of him dip even lower tonight. However, it’s not my place to say anything about the difference in his treatment of people with different positions, so I allow him to slide the door open for me, then walk side by side away from the brothel.

The walk home is quiet, but only on the outside. Inside my head is whirling with disturbing and troubled thoughts. Is this the reason Jungkook and Lord Seokjin’s cousin cautioned me against pursuing him? Being a ladies’ man is one thing, but cavorting with prostitutes... I wonder if this is a one-time thing, or if I’d stumbled on one of his regular trips. Either way, it’s quite surprising, and not just that he seeks sexual pleasure. Although it shouldn’t be a surprise — Lord Seokjin is also a man with desires and needs. However, I’m sure that he could have any woman he wants, married or not, without having to visit brothels. Frankly, it is disappointing, but I have no right to pass judgement on him. It doesn’t stop me from mulling over it though. Absorbed deep in my thoughts, it takes me a while to realise that Lord Seokjin is regarding me with thinly veiled curiosity as we walk. “Is something the matter?” It may be rude to call him out on his staring, but after all that has happened, does common sense still apply tonight?

To his credit, he doesn’t deny that he was looking at me, choosing to answer me with another question. “Were you really not aware that you were in the pleasure district?”

Other people may have bristled with indignation at his direct manner, seeing the insinuation for ignorance as insulting, but I don’t react the same way. After all, I really am ignorant, truly clueless as to where I was. His accusation is spot on, and I’m not one to take offence at the truth, even if it’s regarding my own weakness. None of my acquaintances have gone there that I know of and I have never had a reason to venture to that area. While I do know that a pleasure district does exist, somehow I have never put the two together — that it is right in the area that I have never ventured into. “It is remiss of me not to notice,” I admit softly, regretful over what I’ve done. “I am sorry for the trouble my ignorance has caused you, Lord Seokjin.” My apology is accompanied by a little bow that he sort of acknowledges by a short pause before walking again without a word. I hurry to follow him, slightly miffed that he’d practically brushed it aside, but when I fall into step with him, I see that he looks pensive. Even in the darkness of the night punctuated by the occasional lamps along the street, Lord Seokjin’s serious look is heart-stopping.

Preparing myself for the continuing silence filled with the soft crunching of the ground under our steps the rest of the way home, I’m startled when he decides to continue our conversation. “So there are people oblivious to the existence of such places in our town,” he says, but not in a mocking way. It’s natural that he comes to that conclusion, and I find myself unable to argue. Seeing my glum expression, he reassures me, “not that it is a bad thing. This is a large town, and I have welcomed people from all walks of life here. That they all survive, able to make a living in this space means I must have done something right. Of course, my ultimate aim is for everyone to prosper, but it is natural that the possibility of a high-born lady such as yourself to visit a place like that is highly unlikely.” His gaze is dark, almost frowning, as if angry at the circumstances that led me to be part of the improbable.

He is right, yet something inside me can’t bring myself to agree with him. Recalling the way I was received at the brothel, and predicting what would happen should the opposite occurs and a prostitute was to turn up at a noble’s doorstep, I just can’t nod and accept that the reality is right. “Even though someone like me may not have a reason to go to the pleasure district, surely it is not wrong for me to go there.” Miss Kiyo’s kind consideration towards me actually hurts. It just highlights the fact that such a reception is unusual, while the Madam’s reaction towards someone like me being there is normal. “Just as it should be fine with them to mingle with people like us. You do it. Is there a reason why I cannot?”

A corner of Lord Seokjin’s lips quirks up briefly, half amused, half disbelieving. “Such naïveté is refreshing. While I am not opposed to it, the world is not as safe a place as you imagine.” He wrenches his eyes away from me once again, peering forwards, yet his mind doesn’t seem to be with his sight. “As much as it saddens me, some people are just not meant to walk under the same daylight as we do.”

Well, isn’t he full of contradictions? Calling me naive, cautioning me against going to such places, when he does it himself! “What were you doing there, then?” I almost clap my mouth shut, but it’s too late to stop myself from blurting out the question. Agh, why did I have to ask him that? I’d already sworn not to care about him anymore!

I didn’t expect him to actually answer, but it’s even more frustrating when he once again responds with another cryptic query of his own, although this time rhetorical; “What other reason is there?”

Now knowing that I’ve been tricked by Kyoko, I’m dreading meeting her again, even though my polite upbringing makes me burn with the obligation to inform her that her letter hasn’t been delivered. Not that it matters, when the intended recipient doesn’t exist in the first place. I still have it with me, despite suspecting that the insides are probably blank. There is no avoiding her forever though, so the next time I see her, I decide to cross the distance between us to greet her instead of running away. I want to believe that the cruel smile she greets me with is only my imagination, but my gut feeling tells me otherwise. Before she can say anything though, I pluck the letter from the folds of my kimono and thrust it out to her. “The ‘friend’ that you want to give this letter to does not work there.” Normally I would lead this by apologising for failing to complete the task, but this time I hardly think it’s necessary. It’s a little weird on my tongue, and feels rude even, but I don’t care. Kyoko doesn’t deserve an apology, not even one out of politeness.

She doesn’t seem perturbed by it either. A grin flashes for a split second before she schools her features into distress. “Are you sure you got the right place?”

Mari, who never fails to stick by her side everywhere she goes, doesn’t bother to hide her snicker this time. “Maybe you should have asked all the shops along the street!”

There’s nothing I’d like more than to slap her across the face. Letting the beautiful image play in my mind, I calm myself, while outwardly answering, “I might have considered that, but a man had most kindly offered to walk me home and I didn’t want to trouble him too much.”

At that, Mari bursts into laughter, and even Kyoko’s face distorts into a mean smirk. “You brought a man from the pleasure district home with you? You fit in better than I thought!” Unlike Kyoko, who is more aware of the people walking around us on the street, Mari doesn’t keep her derisive voice down. “Who was it?”

“Lord Seokjin.”

His name, while uttered in a low volume, is enough to cause Mari’s annoying titters to come to a complete stop. Now it is I who feel an insane urge to laugh my head off, especially when I savour Kyoko’s eyes widening to a comical size. “Lord Seokjin walked you home? You must be joking.”

I shrug nonchalantly, honestly not caring what she thinks. “Whether you believe me or not does not matter to me.”

There’s no doubt that once they get over the initial shock, questions will follow, so I quickly bid my farewell and depart. I didn’t plan on telling them about Lord Seokjin. Honestly, I didn’t even think about what I was going to say to them. It just came out, but right after it did, it occurred to me that it may have been out of line. Considering that I didn’t know that he goes to such places, he may have wanted it to be a secret. Granted, he didn’t tell me to keep quiet about it. Perhaps this is one of those things that is understood without saying. It’s none of my business anyway. Ugh, I am so dumb. But I didn’t exactly specify where I met him, so hopefully they will assume we bumped into each other on my way home. Good thing I made a quick exit just now. Lying has never really been my strong suit.

Cowardly wishing to shake them off should they decide to pursue me for details, I make a beeline for the busy marketplace. Even though the sun is already directly above my head, the winter breeze reigns supreme, overcoming the warm rays to make me shiver with cold. Most people are moving about at a brisk pace, generating as much body heat as possible to counter the chill. So the woman standing in place in the middle of the bustle stands out like a sore thumb. Her problem is immediately obvious; she’s struggling with her many purchases. Already some vegetables have fallen onto the ground, and she’s desperately clutching the rest in her arms so it doesn’t follow them down, while the townspeople simply watch as they pass by. What is wrong with them? I think to myself as I rush forward to help her. Scooping up the fallen produce and grabbing one of the emptier bags from her, it’s only then that I recognise the woman. “Miss Kiyo!”

It takes her a few moments, but she recognises me almost immediately, even though more than a week has passed since I first saw her. Eyes growing wide, she exclaims, “Oh, you’re the lady from that time!”

I search around the vicinity, expecting to find someone with as many bags as she has, or running to catch up to us, but there is no such person. “Are you alone?” There is doubt in my voice, even though that much is already pretty obvious. The amount of purchases she was trying to carry on her own is in no way manageable for one person. Is she really planning to make it all the way home without help?

Apparently, she is. “Unfortunately, I am.”

Suppressing a sigh at the lack of assistance she was receiving before I came along, I carefully choose from the things that she’s holding, unburdening her of them. “Do you mind if I help you carry these the rest of the way, then?”

“Eh?” My offer leaves her flabbergasted. “Are you sure? ... you know where I am bringing them, do you not?”

Of course, I’ve already taken the possibility that she actually lives in the brothel into account, but I still feel my face growing hot at her words. “Yes, I do know now. And I’m still sure.”

That is how, about a quarter of an hour later, I find myself in the red light district once more. “I still cannot believe that you did not know where you were,” Miss Kiyo says with a shake of her head and a giggle. Unlike with Kyoko and Mari, I don’t find myself as irritated with Miss Kiyo when she mentions the incident. The latter’s smile and teasing are good natured, and her questions regarding the incident clearly come out of concern, not with the intention to poke fun at me. It’s both funny and sad that I already feel more comfortable with her than I do with most of my friends. Yet... I can’t help but be reserved still, since we hardly know each other. In the daylight, the streets of the pleasure district don’t look out of the ordinary at all; I wouldn’t be surprised if I had walked around here before but forgot just because it looks like any other place in town. Although it isn’t quite exactly the same. Scarce they may be, but I do see one or two women dressed exceptionally well, with makeup that I didn’t know anyone would bother with except on special occasions. They’re definitely alluring, reminding me that Lord Seokjin’s companion that night had been similarly dressed up. On the other hand, Miss Kiyo’s appearance wasn’t much different than it is now; one that clearly prioritises functionality rather than beauty. I was too caught up with my own troubles that night, but when I recall the scene the best I can, I’m pretty sure that Miss Kiyo’s attire wasn’t something that a woman would wear to entice a man.

Burning with curiosity, I give her a side glance as she walks beside me. I want to ask so badly, but how do I do so without being rude to her? “Uhm, why did you go out to buy so many groceries alone? Is there no one else to help you out?”

Thankfully my question is not so intrusive to cause her to balk and shy away. “I am afraid there is only me to handle these chores. A few things happened at about the same time. In the end, I managed to stay at the brothel by taking over the job of the previous maid, who retired to the countryside. It was fortunate for the brothel.”

She didn’t say that it was fortunate for her though. Again, I consider the wisdom of probing further, and in the end decided just to throw all my luck in. I like her a lot, but not well enough that I would feel a sense of loss should she take offence and refuse to see me again. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”

Bad timing on my part, I suppose, for we’d just arrived at the brothel. My question coincides with the clack of the door as Miss Kiyo slides it open, and I can���t say with absolute certainty that she didn’t hear it. If she did and I ask it again, it’ll surely appear too pushy. So I gulp down my curiosity bitterly and follow her in without another word. The kitchen is on the ground floor of the two-storey building, and even though we pass by several doors to get there, the place is quiet. Almost eerily so, as our footsteps fill the silence. Only the sunlight streaming through the windows keeps my imagination from wandering too much, thinking about the things that these walls have seen. Among the many things I want to know that is connected to Miss Kiyo, the one on the forefront of my mind right now is where everyone is. Not even the surly Madam is around, it seems. But as it always is, when you look for one answer, you tend to receive another. After thanking me and inviting me to sit down for tea in the next room, she begins, “I used to serve men here too, you know.”

“Oh.” My mind races, but I can’t think of anything else to say to that. Instead, I lift the cup in my hands up to my lips, all the while watching her with inquisitive eyes, hoping that she will continue her tale.

“It was so easy to lose all my popularity. Of course, I did not expect that such a thing would happen. I was blessed to have a very popular, very powerful man frequently visiting to see me. It made other customers take notice of me, and soon I had more patrons than I could handle.” She pauses to slowly drink her hot beverage. Perhaps the time that she takes is not just for that, but also for her to reminisce the past, or to think about the continuation of her story. “Then I made the mistake of losing his trust. Just like that, I fell from grace. He moved on to another woman, and suddenly all my clients disappeared as well.”

The story is ended quite abruptly, leaving me in confusion. There is definitely more to the story, such as the reason she lost favour with her powerful customer, but something tells me that it would not be wise to ask. She’d deliberately left that piece of information out, so to pressure her into telling me would be insensitive. “I see... is that why you are taking on a different job here?”

Breathing a sigh of relief, she then smiles and nods in affirmation. Seeing her reaction, I’m sure that she’d expected follow-up questions. I’m glad I decided not to press her into telling me more. “There is no point in continuing when I am unable to earn anything after all my customers are gone. But I have nowhere else to go, so I am grateful that Madam offered me the job as the maid and cook when ours retired.”

“Still.” After a moment of consideration, I still can’t simply let it go. Expressing my frustration with a huff, I go, “Is it fair that you lost your clients just because of that one man?” I don’t know for sure if her life is worse now, but judging by Miss Kiyo’s tired and dull appearance compared to the radiant woman that I saw with Lord Seokjin, her life must be harder now. Even if it isn’t, shouldn’t she have a say in whatever profession she chooses to pursue? To be forced to stop because of one man doesn’t seem right to me.

However, Miss Kiyo doesn’t share my sentiments. “Although it hurt at first, I admit, I am at peace with it now. After all, the popularity I had amassed was all thanks to that one man. It is only fitting that it was taken away when I wronged him. All in all, I am content with my lot in life.”

Since she insists that she deserves her fate for what she has done, I can find nothing to argue about. Nor does she explain how she lost his favour, but still I find myself becoming fast friends with her. Despite her former job and current state of living, Miss Kiyo treats me with respect and kindness. She’s only a few years older than I am, but I often feel like she has a lifetime of wisdom behind her. The only person I feel this comfortable with is my close friend, with whom I’ve been spending less and less time lately. I wish that I could see her more often, but being the wife of a powerful warlord, she’s always fretting over him recently. Even though our town doesn’t see the war, I’m aware that these are troubling times. Whenever I go to visit, she shares with me news that Jungkook brings home from the castle. Some daimyos have taken the advantage of Lord Seokjin’s campaign to incite a rebellion in the north. Even with the help of his cousin, Lord Taehyung and his men on the matter, getting information isn’t easy. It’s to be expected when the culprits are supposed to be our allies, therefore knowing to hide traitorous activities to make it difficult to uncover the main power behind the revolt. While my friend is obviously being the support for Jungkook, I am perfectly aware that my other ‘friends’ are making fun of me behind my back. My visits to the brothel have become more and more frequent, usually during the daytime when most of the inhabitants are still asleep. For the most part, I ignore the whispers surrounding me, because I really don’t care. A lowborn person can conduct themselves better than people of high social standing; that is the sad truth that I’d learned.

However, with people’s mouths working the way that they do, it’s only a matter of time before word of my visits to the brothel reaches the ears of people that I actually respect. After getting an earful from my mother, I seek escape at my friend’s house. At first I thought her invitation is very timely, asking me if I could come now since Jungkook has just gone out for a war council, but when I arrive, I immediately realise that it isn’t about to become better after all. She isn’t alone in the room. For once, Mari is nowhere to be seen, but Kyoko’s smirk as she sits next to the host tells me everything I need to know about the contents of our upcoming conversation.

My close friend, on the other hand, doesn’t bother beating around the bush. As soon as I sit down, she asks, “Is it true that you’ve been visiting a brothel in the pleasure district?”

Seeing no point in hiding the fact, I simply respond with a “Yes.”

Despite having grown close to her these past weeks, I have no illusions about society’s perception towards Kiyo, and people in her former line of work. Honestly, I’m quite sure that if it’s just me and my close friend, I would be able to reassure her that Kiyo is a good person, regardless of her profession, and I know that she’s a reasonable enough person to understand and accept that. However, with Kyoko around, any attempt to properly explain my friendship is quickly shot in the mud. With her poking fun at my choice of friends and insulting both me and Kiyo at every turn, it doesn’t take long for my blood to boil with anger and give up on explaining things. From the mildly annoyed expression of our friend between us, I can tell that even her nerves are being grated by Kyoko’s endless interruptions, but is too polite to cut in. As Kyoko starts to wonder aloud if I’ve taken in customers of my own, I stand up abruptly. Both women look up at me from their seats; one with a malicious grin and the other with concern. “I’ll talk to you another time. If you’ll excuse me,” I tell them both, but make it clear that I plan to only talk to one of them in the future.

“Wait,” my close friend calls for me worriedly, but I don’t intend to do as she bids. Alas, nothing is going to go my way today apparently, for before I can reach for the door, it slides open.

Not of its own accord, because it reveals Jungkook, accompanied by Lord Seokjin, on the other side. Noticing the tears that have betrayed my eyes, Jungkook immediately asks, “What’s wrong?” I try to hide my face, looking down and away from them, but even before I do, it’s already too late. From the frown that transforms Lord Seokjin’s otherwise perfectly handsome, jovial face, I know that he has seen how upset I am as well. Curse my fate.

Just as she has been doing all the time I’ve been here, Kyoko jumps in to answer on my behalf. “I guess she is dismayed that her secret pastime is out in the open,” she cackles, then calls out in an even louder voice, as if I can’t hear her from this short distance, “isn’t it too early for prostitutes to start their business?” At this point, the anger inside me is rising so high that I wouldn’t be surprised if my head bursts from the rage. As it is, my fists are clenched so tightly that my knuckles have turned white. Uncaring of what the men would think of me, I meet Jungkook’s eyes defiantly, which have widened with shock at Kyoko’s scandalous statements. I open my mouth to ask him to step aside, but she manages to squeeze in a question directed to the newcomers; “What do you think of highborn ladies such as ourselves who cannot seem to stop themselves from visiting such dirty places? I was astonished myself, but if I had known that she loves it so much, I would have directed her there much sooner!”

She titters with glee, having managed to shame me in front of the warlords she so admires. As someone who also fancies Lord Seokjin, she jumped at the opportunity to get rid of another one of his admirers, although I’m really a former one now. Even though no one expects her question to be answered, Lord Seokjin replies, “Well, I would still think very highly of her, unlike her vile friend who would lead her there in the first place.” The room falls into a deathly silence following his statement. Normally I would revel in Kyoko’s embarrassment, but all I can think about is that he must have figured out that she is the person who tricked me that night. Before this I took solace in knowing that she is just an unknown person to him, but now that he has a face to match, I’m completely mortified. Mind a complete blank now, I push the two men apart, letting myself through. There is no doubt that my dear friend would follow, but luckily I hear Jungkook stopping her, asking his wife just what is going on. I don’t know if she has anything to tell him, and I don’t care; all I want to do right now is go home where I can be by myself.

However, I am reminded of my dismal luck that day when a large hand seizes my arm as I slide my feet into my slippers. Turning around, I look at my obstacle angrily, wishing that my glare would blast him into pieces. No such luck. Lord Seokjin seems to be furious as well. In fact, if I’m not so consumed by my rage, his glower would probably have caused me to shrink on the spot. “Why are you still going to that place?”

There’s no need to ask him what place he meant. And I don’t intend to hide the fact from him, either. “I have become friends with Kiyo,” I tell him proudly, daring him to argue with my choice of friends. Waiting for him to either act like Kyoko, or distance himself from me out of disgust. He does neither of those things.

“Kiyo is not to be trusted,” he says instead, tightening his hold on me, forcing me to listen. “As much as I hate to agree with your nasty friend, you are better off being friends with people of your own social standing.”

Ooooh, he is so maddening! As if he has any right to ask something like that of me! Wrenching my arm out of his grasp, I bite back, “Let’s see... people of my social standing. Do you mean liars like her,” I gesture with my head towards the inside of the house where Kyoko is, past caring if I’m being rude to one of the most powerful people in the country, “or hypocrites like you?”

Without waiting for an answer, I start to march for the exit. But I must be stupider than I thought, because when he says, “You’ve grown a backbone since I last saw you. I like that,” I turn back to look at him. His expression is one of unconcealed admiration, before it reverts to a stern one. “But don’t forget what I said. If I see you there again, I might just use a woman as brothels intends them for once.”

I refuse to dignify his unjustified warning with a response, but that doesn’t mean that the encounter didn’t give me a lot to ponder upon. First of all is his clear dislike for Kiyo. I noticed it when I saw them in the same space. While Kiyo avoided looking at him, Lord Seokjin treated her with cold indifference. There’s also the fact that he referred to her without an honorific. But then, he and I have only really talked twice and he was pretty rude to me the last time too, so perhaps he is just a disrespectful person? All the things I’ve heard about Lord Seokjin tells me otherwise, but who knows, he may be the type of person who only acts politely when there is merit to it. People of my social standing, hmph, I scoff to myself later. His request — I think it’s a stretch to even call it that — is just another reproach, expressed in a different, albeit kinder, way than Kyoko’s humiliating jibes. Not even his smile as he complimented me is enough to make me sever my friendship with Kiyo, although it’s hard to forget how it made my heart swell and beat rapidly.

As if out of spite, I go to the brothel the very next day. I tell myself that getting my hopes up is useless, and it is, but I remain there as late as I can, telling myself that again and again every time I visit. Each time I go home disappointed that I didn’t see Lord Seokjin, yet the cowardly side of me breathes a sigh of relief whenever I leave the pleasure district. The contradictory cycle continues for a fortnight, only succeeding in making me obsessed with him once more. However, this time I’m not fixed on the idea of being his wife, but insanely curious about the mysteries surrounding him instead. Of course, I can ask Jungkook or his wife, both of whom are my friends as well, but they’re both too occupied to receive visitors. By the end of the week I simply can’t wait anymore. While watching Kiyo prepare for dinner in the kitchen from the side, the thought that she must know Lord Seokjin better than I do comes to mind. She has been here for years, first as a lady of the night, then as a maid. I don’t know if she has ever served Lord Seokjin herself, but even if she hasn’t, she must have encountered him or heard about him from the others. These women could surely gossip up a storm, although I can tell that the best of them are shrewd enough to know the secrets that can never leave the rooms in which they serve. The fact that he treats her coldly is both a good sign and a bad one; it means that he definitely knows and remembers her, but whatever his memories associate her with, it’s definitely not favourable. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Plucking up the courage, I begin by stating my perspective. “Lord Seokjin is a confusing man.”

The statement, while obviously heard, isn’t making any impact whatsoever. Kiyo’s deft movements across the chopping board doesn’t even falter for a second as she calmly replies, “How so?”

There is no way that I would tell her that I used to have a serious crush on him. Or that his vague warning the other day made me feel hot all over, even though I’m still not entirely sure what he meant. It’s definitely a threat against me, but what did he mean by ‘using a woman as a brothel intended for once’? Is there more than one purpose for seeking a woman in a brothel, other than the obvious? It’s all so puzzling. In the end, I focus on the frustration he gives me. Vexation that I mind less than I should. “Well, when I saw him a few days ago, he told me to stop coming here.” I scoff loudly, the better to vent out my exasperation. “As if he is in any position to do that, when he comes here with purposes far less innocent than mine!”

Instead of agreeing with me, like I expected her to do, Kiyo raises a query. “What do you think he comes here for?” Her hand slows, as if anticipating my answer, but her attention is still on the work in front of her.

This is exactly what I’ve been wondering myself, so it gives me pause. “At first I thought he’s coming here for pleasure, but then I wonder if it’s actually something else.” His words ring in my head, echoing, consuming my thoughts, whispering to me that things are not as they appear. “However, I have no clue as to another reason that he would come here.”

Kiyo remains quiet for a time. The soft thudding of her cutting vegetables gives way to the silence in the kitchen. I can tell that she knows something, but is contemplating whether to divulge it to me or not. “In the rooms of a brothel, it isn’t only carnal pleasure that is exchanged for money.” She settles on giving me this hint for me to ponder. She looks at me, but I simply blink at her cluelessly. What else is of value that can be exchanged here that can’t be gained elsewhere? Then it clicks.

“Information!”

With a satisfied grin, Kiyo returns to her task as I continue to think about it. Her reaction is all the confirmation I need, but there is still the mystifying thing that he said the last time we talked. So Lord Seokjin uses the women in the brothel to gather information. It makes sense now that I’ve put two and two together. A shady place like this would serve anyone as long as they have money. It’s the perfect place for people of any class, from anywhere, regardless of occupation, to obtain their desire, or let it out, so to speak. People talk, especially when inebriated with alcohol and pleasure. From first hand information to rumours, anything can be acquired by a beautiful woman with the right technique. Likewise, these people can be paid to keep quiet. Lord Seokjin’s visits can remain a secret as long as the mouth connected to the eyes that saw him can be made to remain shut. However, using the brothel this way isn’t the main reason why establishments like this exist. So according to his words, if he has never been with a woman here as one would think he has, that means...

“Has Lord Seokjin ever slept with a prostitute?”

By this time Kiyo has already finished and cleared the space. “Not that I know of, and he has only sought two women so far,” she tells me as she moves to make a pot of tea. “You’ll have to ask the woman you saw him with, but I can assure you that he has never attempted to make any moves on me.”

“Wha— you’re Lord Seokjin’s informant?!” The information floors me completely and opens up even more questions.

“I was.” So she used to give him information, but not anymore, for some reason. It makes sense now; that they know each other, yet a cold air remains between them. He also said that she isn’t to be trusted, but I can’t believe that’s true. I may not be the best judge of character, but my gut strongly tells me that Kiyo is a good, trustworthy person. Something must have happened between them, and I’m about to find out.

“This was back when I was working as a prostitute here. Lord Seokjin was the only one that didn’t see me to release his desires. It was refreshing.” Her smile is rueful as she sets the pot of tea down on the table and invites me to sit across from her. “It was fortunate that I knew some people, who knew other people in different circles that could help me get all sorts of knowledge that may be difficult for him to get directly. With his patronage, other customers started to get curious over the woman that consistently gets such a powerful man’s attention, and I got quite popular. Although I don’t think anyone ever found out why he was supposedly so smitten by me.” Her laughter is heavy, but invites a hesitant smile from me just for the sake of politeness. I tentatively tap the teacup with the tips of my fingers, wishing it will cool down quickly enough for me to pick up and hide my expression behind.

“I didn’t expect my role for him to be discovered, but I guess it’s inevitable that it did. Knowledge is a powerful tool, and that makes it terrifying.” She sighs, looking down at her forgotten cup, but I know that she’s not seeing it. Her mind is in the past, regretting the events that occurred back then. “His enemies kidnapped my sister, forcing me to give him false information in exchange for her life. I foolishly complied, not knowing that it would result in the death of his fiancée. And they killed my sister in the end anyway.”

It’s too much to take in all at once. That Lord Seokjin had a fiancée is surprising, but it isn’t the only shocking revelation. The fact that most people don’t know or speak of this probably meant that it happened quite some time ago. But most importantly, Kiyo isn’t to blame for the tragedy. “Didn’t you tell him what drove you to do that?”

“I never got the chance to. To him, the woman that he loved died, and it was due to my betrayal. He wouldn’t even listen to anything I had to say.” Kiyo seems resigned to her fate — sad, but accepting. “After he stopped using me as an informant, the allure I had for other men eventually disappeared as well. I believe informants are now trained to milk the customers for information with his help. As for myself, I consider myself lucky enough that I’m allowed to continue staying here.”

This is a situation that is hard to fix, no matter how much I’m dying to try. In the end, I thank her for confiding in me, unable to think of much else to say as daylight diminishes, reminding me too late that night is chasing the dusk. Only the sounds of the brothel coming to life and a rowdy customer, somehow already drunk even though the sun had left barely an hour ago, alert us to the hour. I depart hurriedly, but little did I know that it’s hardly going to matter. I never even make it to the front door, not even past two rooms, really, because as I pass the second door after the kitchen, it opens and I’m yanked inside.

The door slams shut next to me as I’m pressed against the wall. Or, to be precise, after recognising the man who’d pulled me in, I flatten myself against it. Lord Seokjin has always had a presence that makes one unable to pull their gaze away, especially those of the female persuasion. He’s never without a smile, very charismatic and friendly. At least, that’s what I’ve always observed from the times I’ve seen him in town, never without a crowd of admirers. However, the aura that he’s emanating now finally clues me in on just how powerful he is. The reason why people from all over the country regard him with either fear or awe despite never having even met him. His eyes glow with barely contained strength, like he is a vicious animal just about to pounce, and I’m his prey. He doesn’t need to say or do anything, not even touch me to have me cowering with anticipation and dread. All the bravado from before, determined to go against his warning out of immature spite has completely vanished. As if I’m not intimidated enough just by the air surrounding him, he easily towers over me at this distance, his handsome face looming dangerously close to mine. My heart, instinctively sensing danger, is rapidly pumping blood through my blood vessels, readying myself to flee if needed.

He doesn’t do or say anything at first, watching me silently. As if savouring my heavy breathing, the fear in my eyes, the trembling of my lower lip. I can’t even think of a word to say — my mind cannot think of anything but him. Not even to question my insane desire for him in this situation. I must be crazy. He shouldn’t be attractive like this, yet he is, in magnitudes over his usual persona that made him so popular. “I didn’t think I’d see you again so soon.” Yet his low, sultry tone doesn’t contain any surprise. Just the dangerous purr of a cat playing with a mouse. Having his fun until he decides to obliterate me. It’s scary, but I find undeniable traces of heady excitement mixed with anxiety. Did I subconsciously want him to go through with his threat? To find out what exactly he’d do to me that he hasn’t done with any woman of the brothel? “Especially not here. Did you forget what I said the last time we met?”

Unable to find my tongue, I shake my head slowly. The simple gesture is enough to satisfy him apparently, because he presses on. “Then perhaps are you actually curious about what I’d do?” He whispers into my ear. Biting my lower lip almost hard enough to draw blood, I will myself not to whimper. His lips are so close that they brushed the delicate skin of my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I can’t admit that he’s absolutely right — ironically, after resolving not to chase after him over superficial characteristics, the unexpected facets of him unknown to most people have hit me one by one right in the face, and now I can’t deny his pull over me. Now that I’ve completely fallen over him, dark past, brothel visits and all, it’s become even harder to ignore the things that attracted me to him in the first place. Finally, I push past all my shame and manage to nod. It’s extremely humiliating to admit it, but god, I want to know so badly. How he would treat a woman — I want to find out. I want to experience it.

I have no idea what to expect, but whatever I might have dreamed of, he surpassed it by far. Just the brush of his lips against my ear was almost enough to do me in, so when he runs his tongue down to my earlobe, proceeding to suck on it, I have to find something to ground me. My fingers curl and try to dig in, but the wall offers no purchase. And he’d barely even begun. Pulling away, just the tiniest bit so his dark eyes can delve into mine, searching my soul for my innermost desires, he smiles — a sinister, most devilish smile. How I long to press myself against it. If this is what sin looks like, it’s no wonder so many fall victim to it. Lord Seokjin is either a mind reader or he wants the same thing that I do, because he closes the scant distance between us, capturing my lips with his. He moves them expertly, melting me like how ice in this cold winter would in scorching summer. If he hadn’t slipped his arm around my waist, I would have collapsed onto the floor as my legs give out under his kiss. As it is, my waist is pulled against him, bending my upper body against the wall as he leans into me, impossibly wanting to take more of me, seeking to devour all I can give and more.

His body heat is more than welcome in this season, but logically can’t possibly account for the rising temperature I can feel inside me. I can’t imagine feeling any hotter than this, but when his hand deftly parts the lower half of my kimono, I yelp into his mouth. His touch against my inner thigh is like fire, blazing a trail up to the peak. Reflexively, my legs attempt to seek each other’s familiarity but he wedges his own leg between them, keeping them apart so his hand can cup my core. His hand is like the sun, melting the ice at the top of the mountain, drenching me with the liquid all the way down my thighs. The possibility of someone finding us is the last thing on my mind, but it doesn’t matter anyway because he’s swallowing each needy moan that falls out of my mouth with his. Already I’m losing my mind, shamelessly rubbing my pussy back and forth against his large hand. However, when two of his fingers find their way inside me, there is no way he can contain the wanton cry that escapes. My fingers grip his shoulders as he pulls away, a silent plea for him to stay and continue his sweet torture.

Of course, he understands what I want without my having to utter a word, giving me more than I could imagine instead. My vision grows bleary as the movement of his hand increases, pumping into me mercilessly, the loud squelching sounds mixed with my moans only serving to make him hum with satisfaction. Yet through my watery eyes I can see his gaze piercing through, cruelly forbidding me from looking away as he proceeds to tear my body to ribbons. Dissatisfied by the wanton condition that I’m already in, he shifts his thumb against the little nub at the apex of my core. The simple touch intensifies the pleasure growing inside me, and he pushes me further, angling himself with even more force until my hips leave the wall to follow his hand, yanking me to balance on the balls of my feet, the little portion of my back desperately pressing against the wall for support. It doesn’t take long for my body to stiffen, then burst into a thousand pieces for him. A need that I didn’t know I had released into the most mind-blowing, most basic of desires.

He sets me back to the ground, fittingly as I make my way down from my high. I become slowly aware that he’s still watching me, and even though I’ve been stripped of all shame, I still find myself looking away as I struggle to regain my senses. Unfortunately, my tongue recovers before my brain does. “Why?” Is the first thing that came out of my mouth. He looks at me with confusion. I don’t blame him — even I’m not sure why I said that.

“Why what?”

Having no idea what to say, I start to shake my head, wanting to ask him to ignore it but then I stop. Fresh memories of my conversation with Kiyo just now flows back into my mind, giving a subject that matches the direction of the question. “I heard that you had a fiancée you loved,” I say hesitantly. Lord Seokjin and I aren’t close enough to be talking about such private matters, but I want to know so badly that I plough on anyway. The news that he loved someone else before affected me more than I thought it would, even though it isn’t my place to feel any jealousy over him, especially towards a dead person. Still, given what had just transpired, I don’t think we’re just acquaintances anymore. “You did not show any interest in a woman after that, did you? So why do you treat me like this?”

Despite being the one who brought it up, if he says that I’m not the only one he treats this way I’m positive my heart would shatter. My unexpected query surprises him enough to take a step away from me. Without his contact, my body feels ten times colder than before he even pulled me into this room, making me strangely bereft. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep his body heat with me as long as possible. It becomes even worse when he recovers from the shock, his expression cooling down until it feels like he’s almost an empty shell of himself. Instead of answering, he reaches for the door, sidestepping me and leaving without a word.

It takes a few moments for me to process Lord Seokjin’s abrupt departure. But after I do, I find the strength in me to push past the anger, confusion and hurt — as well as my still trembling legs — to follow him out. Madam, the old lady who has warmed up to me since that first night, is near the entrance as she usually is, but I don’t stop, only greeting her briefly as I pass. Although I see her face for less than one second I can tell from her expression that she heard my passionate cries inside that room. So perhaps it is best that I don’t stop to talk to her. However, the next time we see each other would be an awkward encounter indeed. Now is hardly the time to agonise over it though, so I rush out of the brothel, peering through both sides of the street, hoping that it’s not too late to catch up to him.

Luckily I could just make out a silhouette of a tall figure thanks to the soft light streaming from a house that he’s passing by. There’s no mistaking that broad back for anyone else, and I run to his side. He should have heard the clacks of my wooden slippers as I approach, but he doesn’t show any reaction, even when I arrive, panting, next to him. I assume that to be a sign that my presence isn’t completely unwelcome. On the other hand, he’s definitely not in a gracious enough mood to wait for me to recover, so I keep pushing myself to keep walking with him, hastily trying to straighten my kimono out as much as I can. I do notice that he slows his pace somewhat, but he doesn’t comment on it, and I think it’s best if I follow his lead. We pass by house to house without talking, but I don’t mind the silence because my head is in chaos. While it was undoubtedly the height of rudeness to leave me in that state after having his way with me, it’s also true that I brought up what is probably a sensitive subject for him. Plus, I can’t complain about him fulfilling his promise; he did warn me and I chose to ignore it, but most importantly, I enjoyed every second of it. Even though my legs are presently screaming, begging me to stop and rest, I don’t regret it one bit. Likewise, if I had the opportunity to turn back time and take back what I told him, I wouldn’t. It feels only right for me to inform him that I’m aware of his past, even if he decides to not divulge any more to me. I debate with myself whether to give a last push for the answer to my question, but in the end I choose to not say anything.

After I decide that ultimately his past is none of my business, Lord Seokjin ends the quietude by asking me, “Are you alright?” Finally he gives me a quick side glance. “If you can’t walk, I’ll carry you.”

Tempting as his offer is, the thought of being in close contact with him again is enough to send my blood thrumming deliciously in my veins. Apart from being embarrassing — as if how I behaved earlier isn’t embarrassing enough — I know that if I accept, I won’t be able to have any coherent thoughts for the rest of the day. At some point Lord Seokjin has cast a spell on me that grows more potent with every touch. Regrettably, I turn down his offer, despite my knees steeling themselves with every step so they don’t buckle and give way. “I am fine.” After a pause, I decide to take advantage of his sudden generosity. “Do not tell me to stop being friends with Kiyo, though. She has done nothing wrong by me and I do not see any reason for me to cut ties with her.”

He doesn’t reply immediately, making me fear that I’ve gone too far once again. But eventually he speaks again, laying my fears to rest. “I did have a fiancée. It was a long time ago, just as I was finding my place in this world. Even though ours was a match made by the elders, I loved her. Or at least, I thought I did.”

His uncertainty intrigues me. It’s so easy to get lost in him; his gorgeous looks, his charming smile, his soothing voice, enchanting me without him even trying. Already my heart is reaching out to him, sensing regret and pain, wanting to ease it for him somehow. “What do you mean, you only thought you loved her?”

As before, he doesn’t answer immediately, but I wait patiently, trusting him to reply, even if it’s with a refusal to tell me. “At the time I was convinced that it was love. But now...” he seems to consider it, then shrugs. Probably tired of thinking about it, as I’m sure this isn’t the first time the uncertainty has popped in his mind. “Perhaps it was just a young boy’s immature crush.” Memories of her rush back to him, I can tell, because he suddenly chuckles; a honeyed sound. “One thing for sure is that she was the exact opposite of you.”

“How so?” I’m not sure how I feel about being compared to his former fiancée, which is small of me since she has already passed. At least, I hope he sees me in a favourable light.

“The first time I met you, I thought you’re a gullible person. That opinion hasn’t changed to this day.” No matter how much truth is contained in that statement, I have to bite my lower lip to keep from pouting. Of course that would be his first impression of me. “However, after a while, I don’t see it as an entirely bad trait. You may be blindly trusting and docile at times, while she was cautious to the point of being paranoid. One may blame her personality on the powerful and highly targeted family she was born in, but I’ve never met anyone as obsessed with threats as she was. No meal was without poison, no one was deserving of trust. As infatuated as I was with her, I turned a blind eye to it most of the time, thinking that I didn’t mind it. Yet her negativity must have affected me more than I realised, because with time I grew more tired and less patient in taking her accusations seriously. Kiyo’s betrayal resulted in her death, but part of the blame lies with me. When she found out that a prostitute had suggested a date for her travel back to her hometown, she was adamant on traveling on another day. It wasn’t the first time she was ignored and no one came to harm, so I convinced her to go home on that day anyway. If only I didn’t... they wouldn’t have been ambushed and killed.”

Unable to think of any other way to convey the sadness in my heart, the only thing I could think of doing is to give my condolences, as shallow as it sounds. “I’m sorry... However, I still believe that Kiyo did not do that to intentionally hurt either of you.” If he had the chance to hear Kiyo out before and chose not to, then it isn’t for me to give him the details of what happened. He can always seek her out should he want to know her reasons. It’s her story to tell, after all. But I have to stand up for her, even if it’s only this much.

He stops in his tracks and I follow, already attuned to his every move. Meeting my eyes, he searches them pensively, pondering my stance and his thoughts of it. Finally he says, “If that’s what you believe, then I won’t stop you. Even now I still rely on one of them as an informant. I can never trust them completely — honestly, I don’t think I can fully trust anyone anymore — but having a wide information network is a necessity for my cause. However, I’ve vowed to never involve anyone close to me again. If anything should happen, I will bear the damage on my own.” It’s a heartbreaking confession to hear, but it all stemmed from his past that I wasn’t a part of, so I don’t know if I can do anything to help him shoulder the burden that he has been saddled with. I would do anything to lighten his load, though. As if sensing my pain, he continues in a brighter tone, “I do applaud you for being friends with Kiyo. Such open mindedness is very refreshing.”

“They are people too,” I say, perhaps a little defensively. While it is true that such thinking is probably unusual and unpopular, I don’t think it should be that way. Many of them didn’t choose that life in the beginning and despite everything, they are still capable of being kind and thoughtful, just like anyone else.

“That they are,” he agrees, resuming his leisurely stroll again. Belatedly, I realise that he’s been taking the path back to my house. “People all have their wants and needs. But unlike people born with privilege and wealth, they have less possessions, and consequently more wants. This makes them more likely to use whatever means to get what they desire. Of course, there are exceptions, just like there are powerful, wealthy people who would stoop to using any tactic to get what they want.” I can’t argue with that, and essentially he has consented to my opinion that people in the water trade aren’t necessarily bad people. It lightens the mood, and I find that I can breathe more easily now. Apparently he thinks so too. “If you can be friends with her, after all this I don’t see why you have to remain so stiff with me.”

My heart flutters at his suggestion. I’ve noticed that he has relaxed his speech with me, but given his higher position as one of the most influential warlords in the country, I wasn’t sure if I could do the same. But this is practically an invitation to do so, and I’m eager to test it out. “You mean like... calling you ‘Jin’?”

“...Yes.” He assents, delighting me to no end.

Spurred on by the comforting air between us, I ask, “So did you see how Kyoko reacted when you told her you think less of her than me?” He lets out a guffaw as he recalls that day, and informs me that she looked like she ate something sour. The easy conversation that flows from there puts me at ease and makes the scolding I get from my parents absolutely worth it, especially when I bring back to mind the sight of the blush that coloured his cheeks when I called him Jin.

A few weeks pass by more or less uneventfully after that, with some changes. Jin sometimes drops by my home or the brothel early to spend time with me. I have no idea how he knows the days I visit the brothel, but I welcome any chance to see him, even though deep down I wish he would teach me more of the pleasures he showed me that night. Even though he hasn’t exactly warmed up to Kiyo, he remains civil, giving her a nod of acknowledgment when he sees her. I suppose that’s more than I could ask for, and I can’t exactly force him to listen to what Kiyo has to say about the unfortunate incident that led to his fiancée’s death, provided that Kiyo wants to tell him in the first place after all this time. There is a saying; ‘be careful what you wish for’, except I never wished for it, but the day where Kiyo’s loyalty to Jin is tested presents itself when no one expects it.

It’s already late in the afternoon, the sun slipping along the sky to give the stars their chance to shine when I hear raised voices on my way back to my room. Curious, I hurry to the entrance of the manor, where I find the most surprising of guests. Although I’m unsure if Kiyo can be called a guest when it’s apparent that she’s only here to deliver an important message and the fact that either way, she’s unwelcome. Her face lights up when she spots me past two of the household maids, and she calls out my name. The maids turn to look at me as well, then immediately start apologising for Kiyo’s presence, assuring me that she would be rid of immediately. Instead of doing as they ask of me and return to my room, I say, “That woman is my guest. You are not to turn her away. Leave us.” I can hear the chill in my tone, but I don’t intend to hold it in. Of course, I understand that they’re only doing their job, but Kiyo is my friend, and I won’t have her be treated like that by my own servants. Before this, I would never have imagined that she would come here. I’m still quite surprised as it is. If I’d known she was coming, I’d definitely notify the maids about her. The last thing I want is for her to be thrown out of my home.

She seems to be in a hurry so I immediately invite her to my room, but the matter is so urgent that she can’t even spare time for that. Shaking her head, she declines my offer with an apology. “Lord Seokjin is in danger.”

“What?” This is completely unexpected, like lightning cutting across a clear blue sky. “Did something happen?”

“Not yet,” she clarifies. “But he will be soon, if no one goes to help him. He’s going to head towards a trap!”

“How do you know this?” Kiyo’s panic is infectious, and I struggle to maintain a clear head. It’s dangerous to just dive into a possibly dangerous situation without having all the information.

“That woman at the brothel. The one that Lord Seokjin uses as his informant.” She begs me to remember with some bitterness, the prostitute that had been on Jin’s arm the first night I stepped foot inside the brothel. It’s impossible to forget her, even though I rarely see her during my visits to see Kiyo and I nod, signalling to Kiyo that I remember her. “She’s been a spy all along. She must have been biding her time. And she just gave him false information during his last visit. He was told that the right-hand man of a powerful daimyo in the north is ready to sell out his lord, but only if Lord Seokjin himself would give him guarantee of the Kim forces’ protection. So I believe that Lord Seokjin is going to meet the man himself. Except there is no traitor to the daimyo. It’s a trap to kill Lord Seokjin!”

“Why are you only telling me now?!” Half asking, half demanding her for an answer, I glance frantically around me, as if the solution to this predicament is written somewhere on the walls of my home. My hands shake with fear and worry for Jin, and I wring them helplessly, trying to force the nervousness out of them.

“I only just heard it from another prostitute myself,” she explains her position, yet still looking angry at herself. Sympathy flows out from me for her. Kiyo must have been feeling guilty enough already for the loss to Jin that she caused. Now here I am, berating her for something that was completely out of her control. Feeling sorry for my brashness, I soften and apologise for scolding her, but she brushes it off. “The spy disappeared over the night. She must have been waiting all this while, using the time to slowly gain Lord Seokjin’s trust. With another big war on the horizon, she must have taken the first grand opportunity to escape. After all, I’m sure her task of drawing him out without any protection would be rewarded handsomely.”

While I agree with her assessment, this doesn’t bode well for us. Not knowing who to turn to, Kiyo sought me out, but I myself don’t know the first thing to do. Hopelessness and dismay threaten to eat me up from the inside out, but I tell myself to concentrate on finding a solution. If I don’t do something, Jin will be killed. “Has he gone out to meet the ‘traitor’ yet?”

“I have no idea,” Kiyo answers dismally, the despair I feel portrayed on her face.

“You can go back to the brothel. I’ll try to find him and convince him not to go.” Blind determination takes over the desperation, motivating me to move. The air pent up inside her seems to escape in one blow, deflating and infusing her with relief at the promise of having the matter taken care of. I only hope that I’m not too late to do that.

After rushing to put on some layers of clothing to guard me against the winter cold, I set out towards the castle. At this point waiting for a palanquin to be readied would waste even more time. Plus I’m already used to walking all the way to the brothel anyway. Luckily I arrive just in time to catch Jin as he’s about to climb atop his horse in front of the castle. A man is holding the reins but otherwise he’s apparently going alone. “Jin!” I shout from the gates, the sight of him renewing the strength in my tired legs to run towards him. Castle guards immediately rush forward, ready to apprehend me but Jin stops them, telling them to let me through. They part, moving away from me so Jin can approach me. Noting my stricken expression, he places his hands on my shoulders, warming and reassuring me all at once.

“What is it?” The narrow space between his brows constricts with concern.

“You’re going to meet that informant, aren’t you? The man who claims to be the daimyo’s right-hand man?” There is no time to beat around the bush, but I take care to keep my voice low, conscious of the people around us.

“How did you—“ his eyes widen with surprise, then dim with realisation. “It was Kiyo, wasn’t it?”

The grip he has on my shoulders tighten almost painfully, but I don’t complain. No matter the animosity he feels towards her, I can’t let him endanger himself. “Yes, it was, but that’s not important. Jin, it’s a trap!”

“Did she tell you that too?” He says with disgust as he releases me, as if he finds me repulsive too. “Don’t waste my time with lies. Go home.”

“Jin, please trust me,” I beg him, chasing after him as he marches back towards his horse. “I would never lie to you.” Sensing that he wouldn’t take my word when he’s aware of the source, I present him with the next best solution. “At least take more men with you. Jungkook maybe, or Lord Namjoon.”

“Those two are the last people I’d take with me,” he shoots down my suggestion without even considering it. Or rather, he’d already taken it into consideration before, and rejected the idea. “They’re both my most capable and trusted men. If anything should happen to me, they are to take over where I left, and stop any unrest or uprising that follows.”

It all makes sense to me now. The words he’d spoken before. Jin never fully trusted his informant, not since Kiyo’s betrayal. Yet he is prepared to take any risks, face any danger by himself. Is this the real reason why I’ve been told that I’d be better off not pursuing him? It’s not surprising that people who hold him dear would notice how he distances himself, taking on all the burden. Tears of frustration, anger and sadness threaten to spill, but I swallow them in exchange for some heated words. “Their capability and loyalty to you are exactly why you should bring them along! Jin, you’re so stupid!”

Having climbed atop his ride, Jin looms over me from an incredible height, lending him an intimidating aura. Despite my yelling at him, I feel extremely small and useless. Yet his gaze isn’t disapproving, only filled with sorrow and determination. “Yes, I may be stupid,” he admits. “But I’ll be damned if I risk the people that I care about again.”

Without giving me a chance to argue, he snaps the reins, spurring his horse into a gallop. I watch him go off alone, feeling more helpless than ever. In the end, I can’t do anything for him.

But I refuse to give up. Addressing a startled guard, I demand him to take me to Jin’s cousin. Thanks to my shameless pursuit of Jin before, I know that she’s friends with Jungkook’s wife. Her magnificent feat in leading an army against the enemies that invaded our town a few months ago boosted her standing in the eyes of many people, and I know that she’s still staying in the castle as she is now involved in Jin’s campaign. As the guard blinks at me, I pray for her to be around, and that she’ll be reasonable enough to hear me out. “Y—Yes, she is here, but...” the guard is uncertain. On the one hand, Jin clearly knows who I am, and was close enough with me to grant me an impromptu, however short, audience. If he turns me away and I turn out to be from a powerful enough family, I can choose to make life very difficult for him later. On the other hand, he obviously has misgivings about letting a woman he doesn’t recognise into the castle. “Please, just take me to her,” I plead with him, trying to sway his unbalanced stance. “You can accompany me every step of the way. What is a woman like me going to do, huh?” That settles it quite easily. Even though he may be leading me through the corridors hesitantly, all I care about is to get reinforcements for Jin. My heart drums loudly inside my ears, making it impossible to think. What should I say to her? How do I convince her to send help? What can I do to prove that I’m trustworthy? Then the guard knocks at a door, opens it and I see that this just might be possible. Amongst the people sitting around a table, having tea and a laugh, I see a pretty woman I recognise, who can only be Jin’s cousin. However, she isn’t alone. Two of her companions are people familiar and close to me; Jungkook and his wife. If I had to wager a guess, the other man is Lord Namjoon, Jin’s right-hand man and his cousin’s husband. Upon seeing my serious expression, my friend sits up, worry immediately taking over her own posture. Perhaps with the remembrance that the last time we met, things didn’t go well, what with Kyoko’s jibes and all. It seems like a distant memory to me, like it happened years ago, instead of a few weeks, but I’m grateful for every bit of attention I can get. “Is something wrong?” Unsure of how to answer, I tilt my head to the side, then nod, but after a moment of thinking, shake it. The merry air that had permeated the room before I entered is replaced by one of confusion. Great, they’re waiting on me and I don’t even know what to say. In the end, I settle for replying her question with my own. “Do any of you know where Jin went?” The puzzlement of the four people transformed into uniform shock at the familiar way with which I’m addressing Jin. Lord Namjoon is the first to recover. “He told me that he has plans for the evening, but I was not told of the details.” As I’d suspected, the others haven’t been told of his meeting. And the danger that it may involve. “He is going to meet the right-hand man of a daimyo from the north. At least, that is who he thinks he is meeting. But no such person is waiting for him. It is a trap so the enemies can kill him!” Urgency finally wins out, making me spill everything in one go, no longer caring what they think or how they will take the news. Even though I wish that we can immediately get up and race after Jin, it’s only wishful thinking in my head. In reality, I have to wait for them to absorb the sudden news, then deal with their doubt. “How do you know this?” His cousin asks, but not unkindly. “Someone trustworthy told me.” Sad as it is, it’s better not to go into detail about Kiyo now. To bring her up will only invite more questions, delaying the rescue. “So you say, but how do I know that you are trustworthy?” It’s a fair question. One that I was afraid of, because beyond my station, I have no way to prove that my intentions are good. However, I can count on my friends to come to my aid. “I can vouch for her,” she says, and her husband nods in agreement. “We’ve known her since we were kids. She is incapable of deception or malice,” Jungkook supports his wife’s confident trust in me. “Please, he is going to be killed at this rate.” My voice shakes in fear, panic quickly settling in with every second that passes. As we dawdle here, Jin is getting closer and closer to the imminent danger that is being set up for him. “We have to go, now.” “We’ll go.” Jungkook exchanges looks with Lord Namjoon, who in turn glances at his wife, and the three stand up, readying themselves for action. “You’ll both stay here.” I follow Jungkook’s exit through the door with my eyes, then Lord Namjoon’s, befuddled. Then I turn to my friend, who’s still in her seat and patting the one next to her, gesturing me to join her in waiting. This is not acceptable. “No. I’m going.” With the men gone to prepare for departure, I address Jin’s cousin, who is swiftly changing into less fancy clothes in favour of ones with better functionality without regard for other people in the room. She doesn’t answer me, but I can see that my adamant statement has given her pause. I have a responsibility to Kiyo after promising her that I will help Jin, but that’s not the only reason. That isn’t even my main motivation for my determination to follow this through to the end, no matter what. These feelings that I have for Jin, while sometimes desperately buried, have always been consistent. I don’t know what I can do to help, but if I don’t go, I know that I won’t be able to do anything. Uncertainty and jeopardy lies ahead of the path that I’m choosing, but I would not change my mind. If I don’t go and should something happen to him, I’ll never be able to live with myself. My heart clenches painfully just considering the possibility. “Please. I may not be able to do much, but I have something to protect.” Jin has closed himself off to the people around him. I don’t blame him, but I want him to heal. I want to shield his heart just as much as any other part of him. “I promise that I will not cause any trouble.” Finally she turns to me. Perhaps it was because she was laughing when I first glimpsed her, but with the light armour she’s wearing and the sword at her hip, she emits a formidable aura. Now I can see how she was able to command an army. She regards me seriously, but not coldly. My plea resonates with her, and I can tell that her strength stems from the things she wants to protect, too. “What is this?” Lord Namjoon demands when his wife appears with me before the castle gates, asking them to ready a mare for me right now. “This isn’t a children’s outing, this is dangerous.” “She understands that full well.” Jin’s cousin relays my resolve calmly and firmly, boding no arguments. Her husband seeks Jungkook’s support exasperatedly, but the latter only gives a sigh as he climbs atop his own mount. “I had an inkling that this would happen.” That’s all he has to contribute to the matter. “As long as you obey all our orders without question, I have no arguments with her tagging along.” Thus I join in the race to get to Jin before anything horrible happens to him. They follow my directions without question, leading us towards the forest not too far from town. Fortunately Jin’s meeting place with the enemies is close to a landmark that both Kiyo and I are aware of, so there isn’t a chance of us getting lost, even though we only have the silver waning moon to provide us with light. Sharp metallic clangs pierce through the quiet of the night before we even arrive at the meeting point, filling me with dread, causing me to squeeze my legs around the mare, urging it to go even faster. Jungkook, already guessing that I’m going to burst into the scene without any care for my own safety, warns me; “Slow down! Stay behind the trees until we have the situation under control.” As much as I loathe to do it, I’m not stupid enough to go against Jungkook’s orders once common sense lodges into place over the adrenaline. With no weapons or the skills to use one, revealing myself to the opponents would put me in danger and my allies at risk while they protect me. So I fall back, letting them pass me into the fight. Meanwhile I speedily make a detour so I can dismount and watch behind the safety of the trees that outline the heated battle. Jin was desperately holding his own against five other men before his friends arrive. Although I see the prone body of a man on the ground, unseated from his horse and Jin still fighting, I can see that he’s already at his limit. The unforeseen attack against a larger number of opponents has sapped him of his strength, and I know that if we hadn’t come, it was only a matter of time before they overpowered him. It’s apparent to the others as well, with their trained eyes. “Jin, get away from here!” His cousin yells at him, but her request falls on deaf ears and he continues to clash his sword against the man he’s engaged with. I can only watch with bated breath, safe behind the cover of the trees at the edge of the clearing they’re battling in. Being useless in this situation is awful; my blood is pumping and I want to jump into the fray, but I’ll do more harm than good if I join in. Moreover, between the four of them, they’re able to take down the attackers quite easily. With the new arrivals distracting the opponents, Jin is able to knock one of the men off his horse. While her skills with the sword is nowhere as polished as her companions, Jin’s cousin is able to handle another man on her own while Lord Namjoon and Jungkook defeat the rest between them. It feels like forever, but in reality it couldn’t have lasted more than several minutes — the enemies came to capture, or perhaps kill one man, but were unprepared to encounter a larger group. Despite having a slight advantage in numbers, the gap in their skills with Jin’s and his people’s are far too great to overcome. Once the foes have been subdued and tied up, Jin gets off his horse. The others immediately follow him, feet thudding as they land on the ground. “Why did you come here?” Not how did they know to come. Jin’s manner is almost tired, resigned to what had just happened. None of them say anything in response, but their heads turn toward my general direction as one. I suppose it’s time to reveal myself. Now that the danger has passed, I’m almost afraid of facing Jin, although I didn’t do anything wrong. If I hadn’t sought his cousin out and begged her as well as Jungkook and Lord Namjoon to help, Jin would not have survived. He might even be captured and tortured for information first. Considering the horrific possibilities that could have happened to him, enduring his wrath to avoid his suffering or death is a price I’m more than willing to pay. Even if he hates me for it, it’s a burden that I would gladly shoulder again and again. He makes his way towards me as I trudge in his direction, still having trouble making eye contact with him. But it’s impossible to avoid it when he’s right in front of me, cupping my face in his warm hands so that I have no choice but to look up at him. Somehow his dark eyes have managed to capture the light of the moon, as if they attract and bottle it up so it would lend them the most ethereal glow. I’m mesmerised by the sight; otherworldly beautiful and hauntingly sad. “Why did you come?” He asks the same question of me, but this time it doesn’t sound quite so flat. Something about his emotions trigger melancholy within me, a poignant reminder of the loneliness and pain that he silently carries under the cheerful smile and friendly manner. “I was worried about your safety, so I asked them to come with me.” My own palm lifts up to cup his cheek without me noticing. “But I had to come because I want to save you from yourself. The past cannot be changed, and it’s inevitable that in the course of life, people get hurt. But that doesn’t mean you should cast everyone out of your heart.” Tears escape and spill down my cheeks, echoing the clear ones that are flowing down his own. “You may think whatever happens to you is fine as long as the people you care about are safe, but have you ever thought about how they would feel if anything happens to you? I can’t even imagine it, Jin. It hurts so badly just to even think of it.” My voice cracks as sobs start to overcome my senses. “I would rather stay by your side, always, no matter the risks, to make you happy. Because that would make me happy. So please, don’t discard your life so easily.” I wonder if the others said anything to Jin after my impassioned speech. He certainly didn’t say a word, instead wrapping his arms around me, holding me tightly in his embrace. The ride home was a quiet one, with Jin and myself riding ahead while the others dealt with taking the captured men back to the town to be thrown in the prison. He sent me straight back to my home, where my parents, worried out of their minds, were waiting. Fortunately, any scolding that they’d undoubtedly kept ready for me completely dissipated once they saw the man who brought me home. Jin came directly to the entrance with me to greet them and apologise for my late return, telling them that I’d been aiding him with some matters and that he was extremely grateful for my help. He didn’t give them any details but they were instantly mollified, happy that their daughter was able to be of assistance to the great Lord Seokjin. However, he declined my parents’ invitation for tea and the only goodbye we had was a simple thank you from him and a meek nod from me in reply. Well, I suppose what happens between them is none of my business, I think glumly as I take a leisurely stroll around town. My final destination is already determined, but I’m not in a hurry to go there. Hopefully some mindless activity would help me organise my thoughts. Last night was a lot to take in, but many events leading up to it gave me a lot to think about. Beyond his amiable personality and enviable position, there is so much sorrow and loneliness that he keeps to himself. It didn’t matter how many people were surrounding him, who love him and look up to him, in the end it’s the loss of one person that makes all the difference. Even if the feelings he had for his fiancée was just a crush, it doesn’t change the fact that they were strong enough to make a lasting impact on him. Any petty jealousy I might have felt over a dead person is overshadowed by the despair that Jin goes through. It goes past affection; the heartache that was caused by the betrayal of someone he trusted, the death of an important person as a result, leading to the overbearing need to protect the people that are important to him all on his own must have been hard to bear. It crushes me. Yet I don’t know where my place is in his life. If I could have one wish, it’s for him to feel the same way about me as I do about him, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Despite the concern that he’d shown me and the things that happened between us, I’m too afraid to dream of being more than just another girl to him. For all I know, he was just playing around with me. Or perhaps he just sees me as a friend, or maybe not even that... This is making me dizzy. Shaking my head and drawing curious glances from the townspeople out and about, I decide to give all this nonsense a rest and actually go do what I meant to do in the first place. Kiyo must have been worried all night, wondering how things turned out. As she is the person who alerted me to last night’s trap, she deserves to know the outcome. I hope that with this, some of the guilt that has plagued her for years can be alleviated. However, the first person I encounter upon entering the brothel isn’t Kiyo. A door on my left slides open with a loud clack before I can reach the kitchen, making me jump in surprise. There’s still a few hours before the sun starts to greet the western side of the sky, which is when most of the people in the household would stir from their sleep. Reflexively I glance to the side to see the early riser, half expecting it to be Kiyo doing the cleaning, but it isn’t. Jin stares down at me, looking a little exasperated but mostly amused. “When I went to your home and was told that you weren’t in, I had a hunch that I’d be able to find you here,” he explains his presence before I can even ask. “Can we talk?” He waves his hand towards the inside of the room, and I belatedly realise that this is the room in which he awakened desires unknown to me before. There is no way I’ll be able to concentrate, being in his company, and inside that room, of all places! “Umm, I need to tell Kiyo about last night,” I whisper softly, unconsciously taking a step away from the temptation before me. “I’ve already told her what happened last night.” Jin easily renders my feeble excuse useless. “When I arrived earlier, you weren’t here so I took the opportunity to talk to her.” “Then did she tell you...” in the middle of the question, I stop myself. If she hadn’t told him then I shouldn’t be asking him about it. Jin, being the perceptive person that he is, can guess what I was about to say. “She told me the reason she gave me false information that one instance in the past.” His features dim with regret that is years too late. “I’m sorry for the way I treated her. For not giving her a chance to explain. How can I hate her when she was a victim too? In the end, she lost someone very important to her as well. Yet she still helped me when I was in trouble last night.” Deflating a little, he leans against the wall with a soft sigh. “I still have a lot to learn. But I think apologising and thanking her is a start.” “It’s a good start,” I agree wholeheartedly. The whole talk about last night and Kiyo has distracted me, but Jin recalls his purpose faster than I do. Without warning, he reaches out and grabs my arm, yanking me towards him. Things are unfolding similarly to how it did the last night I was here with him, but this time, I fall clumsily against him, pushing him against the wall. I begin to apologise automatically. “I’m sorry—“ “I’m not.” He interrupts the apology that I uttered without thinking. Nor is he giving me a chance to step away. The arms that hold me to him show no signs of letting go, conversely, they’re tightening even more around me. Only when I tilt my head up to look at him does he lift one hand up to cradle my cheek. The touch is so gentle, in contrast to his firm grasp around my waist that I feel cherished and thrilled all at the same time. However, his gaze turns sober, searing me with a look that makes my heart throb. “When I felt a stir inside me the first time I met you, I thought it was just my imagination. After all, it was the first time I’ve felt like that since my fiancée died, and even then I didn’t feel as strongly for her as I did for you. I didn’t think I ever could. Why is it, I wonder?” It was rhetorical, a wonderment that he’d struggled to find an answer to, I can tell. Even now his features take on a lost look, finding his way out of a maze of confusing emotions. “I’m not absolutely sure of the reason even now. Perhaps it’s because you’re her opposite. It’s funny that I found her extreme paranoia irritating, but after losing her I became distrusting myself. I lost the ability to trust others to do anything, and I ended up doing everything on my own. Yet at the same time, I guarded the people I love so jealously that they didn’t get the opportunity to see my troubles and support me.” Noticing that his downcast eyes can’t seem to meet my own, I lean into his embrace, laying my cheek against his chest. Underneath his layers of clothes, I can hear his heart drum a frantic, thunderous beat against my ear. “But you... you’re so kind and trusting. Even though it’s hurtful, you choose to put your faith in the better nature of others. You remind me that I can trust and rely on people. You returned me to the best version of myself, when I was most happy. And I’m happy now. It doesn’t matter exactly why I love you, I just do.” I snap up to look at him at that, unable to believe what he’d just said. My inability to speak must be apparent to him, because instead of waiting for me to string two words together, he dips his head down, capturing my lips. A moan comes out at once, as if already waiting at the back of my throat. My body relaxes against him, like his embrace is where I belong while my insides tighten with excitement, every part of it remembering the bliss that he doused me with that night after he gave me that warning. The kiss heightens from sweet to passionate as we get lost in each other, and his hold on me becomes more constricting. Still, I welcome it, pressing myself even closer against him until I notice a stubborn hardness poking against my belly. Curious, I run my palm against the bump, then shiver in pleasant surprise as the contact causes Jin to let out a deep moan, finally wrenching himself away from me. Emboldened by his reaction, I repeat the motion. Every sound that he makes pushes my hand to move faster, while the other works deftly to undress him, looking intently at each other all the while. I want him to experience how amazing he made me feel before, regardless of how brazen I’m being. His kimono parts, and I can’t help but break eye contact to marvel at his body. It’s sculpted so perfectly, but when I run my hand down from his shoulder past his chest and stomach, I realise that the warm, velvety skin can’t possibly belong to a mere statue. Toned muscles jump under my touch, a soft hiss escapes when my fingers brush his nipple, but it’s the sharp intake of breath that whistles in my ears when I arrive at his erection that delights me the most. Jin is pliant in my hands, allowing me to explore every inch of his alluring body, and it imbues me with a sense of power. I want to make him feel even better. Until he’s in the same state as I was last time. Smirking at him, I lower myself slowly, taking care to brush my body against every bit of his on my way down to my knees. His hardened member is larger at this distance, intimidating, but I don’t hesitate before opening my mouth to swallow him. “Ah!” His exclamation is of surprise that I did such an inconceivable thing, and of pleasure because I did. Trying not to forget my mission in a panic, I take deep breaths through my nose, every inhale of air making me more conscious of the way he’s filling my mouth. After a few moments of collecting myself, I push myself up further and further, suppressing my gag reflex as his tip greets the back of my throat. This is much harder than I thought, but the reward is so worth it. My head is swimming with the scent of him, his drawn out groan music to my ears. Although I can’t remain this way for long, I dive back in right after pulling back, then repeat it again. Tongue slipping every which way all around him, coating him with my saliva so my movements are unhindered, until my speed causes him to thread his fingers through my hair. They tremble violently against my scalp in an effort to hold back, but I don’t extend him the same courtesy; my own are gripping his thighs so hard, to the point where he snaps and curls them into a tight fist in my hair. If it isn’t already challenging enough to take in his cock of my own volition, it certainly is now, with him holding me still so he can ram himself at a pace that has tears streaming down my face. However, he stops himself before losing control completely, yanking me up and spinning me with him to pin me against the wall, reversing our positions with no effort. Before I can properly catch my breath, he crashes his lips down to mine, uncaring of the drool that is flowing unattractively from the corners of my mouth, tasting himself on my tongue as he kisses me like he wants to devour me whole. And I find that I have no complaints about that. We’re both gasping for air by the time we’re forced to part only because of the necessity for oxygen. “And here I thought you’re much more innocent than that,” he remarks, still panting. There’s a desperation in his voice, conveyed by the way he tears at my clothes, pulling it apart so vehemently I hear the fabric rip. Yet the issue of my getting home with a damaged kimono is the last thing on my mind. There’s no room for sanity when he’s yanking my legs open so he can sink his fingers into my already weeping pussy. The juices leaking from me allows him to sink three fingers inside me all the way to his knuckles, making me whine with pleasure and the need for more. I already know that intelligible speech will very soon become impossible for me, so I quickly reply, “Aren’t you glad that I spend time here now?” His answer is a non-verbal one; starting with a speed that rivals one I used earlier, he shoves his digits inside me, again and again, building up until I can’t hold back my cries. Even then I can hear the mortifying sound of liquid being endlessly, forcibly replaced by his fingers as fast as my body is producing it, becoming louder and faster when his thumb finds my clit. Wanting to grind myself against his palm and at the same time irrationally needing to escape the mounting pleasure, without thinking, I find myself already on my tiptoes. However, Jin, ever the expert in reading my thoughts and giving me exactly what I crave, encourages me, although he also disappoints me by drawing his arms away from me so he can hook my legs up over them, dragging me up the wall, literally and figuratively. I whine at the loss of contact, my core feeling empty without him, but he ignores my protests. Instead, he moves closer to me, and I feel a pressure against my entrance. Before I can ask, he whispers an unexpected reply in my ear; “Be that as it may, but I’d much rather we do this at our home.” He doesn’t even give me time to mull over or be thrilled by the implication of his words for he punctuates the sentence by increasing the pressure from his hips, forcing the engorged head of his cock inside me. I gasp, then mewl with every inch that sinks further inside me, the sound accompanying Jin’s low growl. Upon the completion of our bodies’ union, he kisses me hungrily, almost making me forget how full I feel until he draws back so he can push himself back in. At first his moves are leisurely, different from the way he’s claiming my mouth. Strong arms keep me from falling as he slowly penetrates me repeatedly. It’s divine, but soon the long moments of my pussy being empty, then teased bit by bit as he slides in and out of me become frustrating. Not just for me, because Jin gets me to secure my legs around his waist so he can remove his arms from underneath them and circle my own waist instead. He backs away from the wall ever so slightly, taking my lower half with him, then hits us both against the wall. A cry rings out from me as loud as the bang of our bodies against the solid wood when the movement buries him deeper inside me in one forceful push. He does it again, each time exquisitely jarring, causing me to groan with each strike. However, even that isn’t enough to satiate Jin. He shifts his hold, hands gripping my waist so I’m pinioned against the wall, and proceeds to ram into me with force unlike anything before. I yelp, first in shock and a little pain, but with each stroke my cries become ones of delirious pleasure, savouring the sparks of friction his cock is making against my inner walls, uncaring of the threat of my brains being fucked out by the strength of his thrusts. He’s taking me almost brutally, yet it feels amazing, and I can’t make any sense of it, though that’s the last thing I want to do. He makes every part of my body sing mysteriously, as mystifying as he makes me love him with every fibre of my being. With every thrust he drags my back up the wall, but my mind is taken even higher, reaching a peak that makes my belly tighten and my legs stiffen. His breaths, like mine, shorten and once again his fingers slip between us to seek out my weakness. Having the pads of his fingers tease my sensitive clit is more than I can take. But I have little mobility in this position, making it hard for me to thrash around and lift my hips to meet his as much as I’d like to. The desperate need channels into my throat and hands instead; my calls of his name increasing in volume and my nails dragging against his bare back. His own bellow is muffled by burying his head in the exposed length of my neck as I throw my head back, screaming from the intense orgasm that he induced. At the same time, he lets himself go, ramming himself so deeply within me that I don’t know how he can detach himself afterwards, pouring his warm seed into my belly. In the aftermath of his lovemaking, he slumps forward, most of his strength sapped by his frenzied fucking, yet he manages to keep me secure in his embrace. Pressing his lips all over my neck, he sluggishly lowers both of us down to the tatami, where he continuous to shower me with loving kisses. I’ve never known such feverish lust, but if this is how life is going to be with Jin, I can see myself enjoying it immensely. Belatedly concerned, I cautiously touch the scratches I’ve left on him, but he doesn’t seem to mind at all, the gesture drawing an elated smile from him instead of a grimace. Besides, as he points out to me, I’m not the only one who left him with marks; during our wild fucking he hasn’t only scratched me, but bruised me with his brute force, and from the throbbing of my pussy still full of his cock, I have no doubt that the soreness is going to last even longer this time. Like Jin, I don’t find myself minding it at all. In fact, I’m looking forward to experiencing it again in the future; a sentiment that he seems to share. Eventually I’m able to think coherently again, and I wonder my curiosities aloud. “Should we get up now? I know you’ve already thanked Kiyo, but I think it’s only right that I express my gratitude to her as well. Or should I come here another time to do it?” Even though logic dictates that we need to get a move on, what I really want is to stay like this with him forever. “You won’t be able to find her here next time, but that’s not a problem, because I’ve employed her to work in the castle.” The news delights me and I convey my approval by flashing him a bright smile. He looks as euphoric as I feel, languidly brushing my hair with his fingers. “Now that you have no reason to come here, if I find you here again, I might just tie you up at home and make love to you until you can’t move.” A mischievous gleam causes his eyes to glow. “I haven’t showed you all my love if you can still walk afterwards.”

Did you enjoy this story? If yes, check out the accompanying birthday stories!

[1] He Left (Hoseok) [2] He Stole (Yoongi) [3] He Lied (Jungkook) [4] He Shot (Namjoon) [5] He Fell (Jimin) [6] He Loved (Seokjin)  [7] He Decided (Taehyung) 

Daimyo: Japanese feudal lord Kimono: Traditional Japanese clothing Tatami: Flooring mat in Japanese-style rooms

bring me home

summary: "Hello," she says, tilting her head with a friendly smile. "Are you looking for something?" Dan can't speak. "Yes, actually," says Phil, thank fuck. "We're looking to adopt a dog." (or: the story with the dogs.) word count: 2,722 warnings: shelter dogs, mentions of animal abuse a/n: this was my fic for the @phandomficfests fic exchange, for @bonca !!! hope u enjoy

read on ao3

"Okay. Okay. Hoo boy. Wow. Okay. Are we doing this? Yeah. Okay. Wait, are you sure we - "

"Dan." After a split second of hesitation, Phil grasps Dan’s hands in his own, gloved fingers interlacing with Dan’s bare ones. Dan startles, though, just a little bit, and he tries not to react. This is fine, he reminds himself. We’re out - finally, we’re out. Everybody knows now. There’s nothing to be worried about.

He tunes back into the world and suddenly realizes Phil is speaking. "- and when we’re away, maybe Louise could take them for a bit! Or PJ, or - or maybe we could take them with us!"

"Yeah," Dan says, smiling. Phil turns to face him, and Dan watches as his face transforms: the lines around his eyes crinkle just the slightest bit, and his right ear lifts the way it does whenever his cheeks stretch, and his tongue peeks just barely from in between grinning teeth.

God, my husband is beautiful.

"You weren’t listening, were you." It’s a statement, not a question.

Dan smiles sheepishly, glancing down at his feet. "Sorry, I’m just -" He realizes that he didn’t know how to finish his sentence, but he looks back up at Phil and he knows it didn’t matter. Phil knows what he was trying to say, as always.

"Yeah," he says, squeezing Dan’s hand, "me too."

"You know, I think this'll turn out okay. We'll get - a Shiba Inu, right? And they'll be awesome, no matter what gender, and even if they're a puppy it's fine because we have a relatively large house and we can totally afford to buy puppy pads or whatever else we need to train a puppy, and if anything we can find some sort of puppy trainer. And - and if it's not a puppy, then that's great too! Because, then they'll probably be trained, and then we can just do walks and we won't have to worry about training them or anything like that, and it'll be totally just relaxing..."

"Dan, you're rambling again."

Shit.

"Sorry - sorry, I know, I know. I'm just. Nervous. I also feel like we definitely had this conversation, like, three minutes ago."

"Yeah, we did." Phil stops short in the middle of the sidewalk, and Dan almost trips over himself before his feet remember to stop when he tells them to.

"Why did we just stop?"

Phil points to the awning above their head - Starbucks, Dan realizes. "I figured we could stop for a coffee, maybe calm ourselves down a bit before we head into the shelter?"

"You really think coffee - " Dan quirks a disbelieving eyebrow, then revises his statement. "Phil, we both know coffee makes you jittery. Are you sure that's the best idea?"

"Tea?" Phil tries weakly.

Dan sighs with a tiny smile, but he pushes open the cafe door all the same. "You know, if you wanted a chance to settle down before we go, you could've just told me."

Phil blinks rapidly for a few seconds. "Are you kidding me? You think this break is for me? Dan, have you seen yourself?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Dan grumbles, but doesn't actually respond.

They get into the line and Dan pulls out his phone - yes, it's a bad habit to pull out his phone when he's just feeling bored, but it's a habit he doesn't feel like breaking, okay? - to check his messages.

There's one from Louise - good luck today!!! let me know when you get the pupper :DDD - and he smiles at it.

"Louise is happy for us," he says, tilting the phone in Phil's direction so that he can get a good look at it.

Phil grins when he sees the text. "I am too."

"Happy for us?" They move up in the line, and Dan starts to scan the pastry box - is that what it's really called? Dan feels like it's probably not, but to be honest he can't be bothered to remember - because he knows Phil is going to want something sweet when it's time for them to order, and Dan wants to be ready. Hmm... maybe the pumpkin muffin? The cheese danish looks pretty good…

"Yeah," Phil replies, knocking Dan out of his line of thought. "I'm excited."

Dan smiles at him. The cashier - pretty, with black braids tinged in green to match her nails - calls out, "Next customer, please!" and they walk up to the counter.

"Hello, how can I help you today?"

Phil smiles down at her - fucking giant that he is - and says, "This one will have a venti caramel macchiato, and I'll have a venti iced chai latte, please, and... oh, I kind of want something to eat..."

Dan cuts him off. "Cheese danish, please." Phil smiles at him gratefully.

"Do you want that warmed up?" the cashier - Alia, Dan notices as he looks - asks them. Phil glances sideways at him at the same time that he does the same, and they both smile at each other.

"Yes, please."

"Okay, that'll be 11 euro sixty, please." Phil fishes out his money and pays, accepting the change and the receipt in the palm of his hand, and they walk off towards the counter to wait for their drinks.

"Hey, Dan?"

Dan glances away from where one of the employees is making their drink (he can see Phil's name drawn in huge letters in Sharpie on the side of the cup) to look at Phil, who suddenly looks almost as anxious as Dan feels. "Yeah?"

"Just - what if they don't have a Shibe? Would you want to come back, or... or what?"

Dan wants to respond right away, but forces himself to take a step back and think about the question. It's obvious, regardless of how Phil may be trying to play it off, that this is important to him, so Dan needs to answer it right.

"Well. I'm not particularly concerned when it comes to what breed of dog we get - I'd be just as happy - well. Maybe not just as happy, but I definitely wouldn't mind having a Great Dane or a poodle or a chihuahua or a mutt, even, if we couldn't get a Shiba." Dan realizes he's rambling.

(Again. It's like some sort of motif or something. God, he really needs to get a grip on that.)

"TL;DR, I'd be fine with any dog. Don't worry about me."

Phil looks distinctly amused, Dan notes, as he takes his cup from the employee who had just yelled his order. "Thanks. Dan, you do realize we're having a verbal conversation, right?  Saying tl;dr doesn't, like, delete the last 30 seconds or anything."

Dan huffs.

"Caramel macchiato for Dan?" the employee calls, and Dan accepts it from his outstretched hand with a nod of thanks.

"Let me live," he says dourly, but Phil just huffs out a laugh and holds open the door for Dan to walk through.

"Christ, but it's cold out here. How are you drinking an iced chai? Who are you? Why?"

Phil just shrugs and takes a long sip of his drink, cheeks hollowing as he sucks through the plastic (eco-friendly his ass, Starbucks) straw. "Dunno. Layers, and gloves, probably," he says pointedly, staring directly at Dan's bare hands.

Dan narrows his eyes and curls protectively around his hot (preciously hot) drink. "Hmm. Okay. Sure. Don't come crying to me when your fingers start freezing off from the cold."

---

They stand outside of the pet shelter.

"Fuck. We're really doing this, aren't we?"

"Yep," Phil says, grasping Dan's hand in a comforting motion and sweeping his thumb across Dan’s wrist.

"Let's go. Now."

Two things happen in that moment.

One: Dan realizes, very quickly, that he's been betrayed.

Two: Phil uses the hand that's attached to Dan's (purposely, he now knows, which is a betrayal in and of itself) to pull him towards the shelter.

Dan yelps, loudly, and several other people's heads swivel at the sound.

"Wh-what? Why. What. What."

"Because I know you," Phil replies (to that jumble of nonsense, no less), not letting go, "and if I didn't do anything you'd stand there for another fifteen minutes talking yourself in and out of adopting, even though we've been thinking about this for ages. Let's go."

Dan's mouth twists. "I hate it when you're right."

"I know." Phil doesn't stop pulling until they're inside the door.

The little bell at the top of the door jingles when Phil pushes it open, and an elderly East Asian woman pokes her head out from a row of cages.

"Hello," she says, tilting her head with a friendly smile. "Are you looking for something?"

Dan can't speak.

"Yes, actually," says Phil, thank fuck. "We're looking to adopt a dog."

“How lucky!” The woman steps out and Dan smiles reflexively - whether it’s purposeful or not, she has the “harmless grandmother” shtick down pat, and he can feel himself starting to relax just looking at her. “We happen to have a couple of those around here.”

Phil snorts, and his eyes widen, like he wasn’t expecting the noise to come out.

“Anything you’re looking for in particular?” She crosses in front of them and heads to the front desk, settling herself down with a small oomph! (which - same.)

Phil elbows him while she’s looking down at some sort of notepad, and Dan also lets out a little oomph! (ha, see? They’re twins.)

What? he mouths, glancing back at the woman to make sure she isn’t looking at them.

She isn’t.

Phil points at her and raises his eyebrows, opening and closing his hand a couple of times in mimicry of a mouth talking.

Fuck.

Fine, he mouths back, rolling his eyes, and straightens up a little. He clears his throat and she looks up from her notepad with a soft smile, one that he can’t help but return. “We were thinking maybe, like - a Shiba Inu? Something like that, though obviously we’d probably be fine with really anything.”

The woman’s mouth twists into a frown. “Hmm. Come with me.”

Phil looks kind of concerned, and Dan shoots the same look back at him - a sort of do you think we should? type thing, complete with the eyebrows and the nose and the mouth (you know, the whole shebang).

Phil shrugs, and they walk.

---

“This place is way bigger than I thought it was,” Dan whispers out of the corner of his mouth.

They’re following the woman - Ellie, as they learn when Phil asks - down a path that seems more like a maze at this point. Dan got lost after the first four turns and Phil, the poor soul that he is, has almost wandered off in completely the wrong direction at least twice.

Phil shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe she’s the newest Doctor.” Dan smiles against his will and almost crashes into Ellie, who has stopped without warning.

“Here she is,” she says, almost sadly, squatting to be closer to the dog she’s talking about. Dan turns and crouches so that he can look into the cage that she’s pointing back, and -

Shit.

He almost falls on his ass.

The Shiba laying on its (her? That’s what Ellie said, right?) haunches, staring up at Dan with the most pitiful eyes he’d ever seen, is fucking hideous.

God, Dan feels like an asshole.

Her hair is matted, one eye looks like it’s sealed shut, and the side of her face with the sealed eye droops a little bit. Dan’s eyebrows crease and he looks a little closer, and - yep, she’s missing a leg; the hind right one is cut off at the base, and all that’s left is a little stump.

Jesus Christ, what happened to her?

“We don’t know, actually.” Shit, did he say that out loud? “Only got her about a week ago, and she showed pretty serious signs of abuse and malnutrition, but other than that - no. I have no idea. One of my volunteer kids found her in an alley down the block, looking even worse, if you can believe it.” From the distance, the sound of a bell echoes, and Ellie perks up a little bit. “Sorry,” she says, standing up and brushing off the imaginary dust from her knees, “I’ve got to go get that.”

“How loud is that fucking bell?” Dan asks after a few seconds, tilting his head back to look at Phil. His skull thumps a little bit against Phil’s thigh, and Phil starts carding his hand through Dan’s hair.

“Too loud, if we can hear it from back here. I swear it didn’t seem that noisy when we walked in…”

Dan sighs. “I don’t know, Phil. She’s… I don’t know.” Phil lets go of his hair - Dan takes a moment to mourn the loss - and pushes Dan to sit up straight, walking to his left to sit down.

His face freezes when he sees her clearly for the first time. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“God, she’s so…” Phil sighs, scrubs a hand over his face. “We could take her, you know.”

“Come on, Phil,” Dan says. "You know we can't. God, I'd love to, but... it's too much. You know we don't have the time to take care of a dog like her."

Phil sighs and nods, pushes himself to his feet right as Ellie rounds the corner in front of them, looking like she already knows what they're thinking.

"It's a no, then, hmm?" she asks, and doesn't seem surprised when Dan shakes his head.

"I'm really sorry," he says, laughing a bit self-deprecatingly, "I just - I don't really think we have the time to put into someone who needs so much help, you know?"

Ellie nods slowly. "No worries - I know it can be tough, to have to spend that much time on an animal who can't help themself, per se."

Do you? Dan wonders, although he doesn't say anything. They've been here for half an hour, at least, and he's only heard one other person walk in, but Ellie went to get the door by herself. It doesn't seem like there's anybody else working here (at least, not right now), so wouldn't that mean she takes care of all of these animals on her own?

Every day?

Food, water, attention, medical care?

God - that's only four things, but it feels like so - maybe too - much.

"Well!" Ellie claps her hands together and urges Dan off the floor. He gets up, sparing one last glance at the Shibe, and stuffs his hands into his pockets. "You're looking for something a little more low-maintenance, I'm guessing? A little less work, preferably potty-trained, a little calmer?"

Dan’s first instinct is to argue back - to tell her what he had told Phil, that they’d really be fine with anything - but he stops for a second and realizes she’s right. They’ve got a lot going on, what with the move and the interviews (who knew, announcing your gay love for your roommate and fellow Youtuber would get you so much traction?), and it would be easier on the both of them if they could have a dog they didn’t have to worry too much about.

So he says, “Yeah, actually. That’d be nice.”

She nods once, firmly, and beckons them to follow her again. Dan and Phil exchange a look, a sort of this? again? kind of thing, but it's only a stretch of hallway and one turn before they land in front of another cage, this time with a medium sized dog (a corgi, the tiny little blessing) with a short tail that starts wagging ferociously once they catch sight of the group.

“This is Charlie,” Ellie announces, smiling brightly at them. “He’s four years old now - potty trained, otherwise trained, very happy overall but also pretty relaxed. Yeah?”

Phil immediately drops into a squat and threads his fingers through the holes in the cage, grinning when Charlie trots over to nose at his hand. “Hey, Charlie!” Dan can hear the exclamation points in his voice, and he and Ellie share a content smile. “Who’s a good boy? Hmm? You are, aren’t you? Yes, yes you are!”

“So. Yes?” She reaches down to the lock on the cage and pulls out a ring of keys, shuffling through them to find the right one, labeled C3A24.

Dan smiles down at them. “Yeah. Yeah, he’s the one.”

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“Car sex looks so much easier in the movies.” - Jason Todd x Reader (silly erotica)

Summary : The title is pretty self-explanatory. Erotica with feeling yo.

IMPORTANT WARNING : THIS IS EROTICA ! THIS IS NOT FOR YOU IF YOU ARE UNDERAGED, I GODDAMN MEAN IT. Like there’s cute and sweet feelings in the mix, but also...smut, so if you’re not 18 or more, or if you’re not comfortable with that sort of things etc etc, this story ain’t for you. I have tons of other very SFW story, for averyone to read, and if you wanna check those out instead, it’s right here, on My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives.

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Being Jason Todd’s girlfriend wasn’t exactly an easy “task”. 

Firstly, there was the fact that he was a night vigilante and that it was a never-ending time of worries for you when he was out. You could never fall asleep when he was fighting in the streets of Gotham...And oh mornings were difficult when you had to go to work and he came home late, or didn’t come home at all...

Secondly, he had an infinite amount of issues, and though you were always his cure, the person that’d made him feel better...it wasn’t always easy to deal with his past traumas. Especially since more often than not, he would refuse to talk to you about his feelings and such... You spend countless hours trying to reassure him, to help him go through a panic attack or anything. The Red Hood wasn’t as invincible as he’d like to lead on. But only you saw his “weaker” side, only with you was he able to let go. And he would be forever thankful for that. 

Thirdly, Bruce Wayne. Oh man, Bruce Wayne was a huge problem really. When it started to really get serious between you and Jason, his adopted father decided to take you as a messenger. Like, whenever him and your boyfriend would get into a big fight or something (which happened more than you wished), Bruce would tell you to tell Jason things and vice versa and, frankly, sometimes, it was just extremely annoying and stressful. 

Fourthly, you didn’t always have time for each others, both being rather busy. Or actually, being busy when the other one was free; he was mostly working nights and such, and you were working days. 

Oh and there were countless other reasons as to why it wasn’t always easy to be Jason Todd’s girlfriend, small and big things, but those were the main ones that you could think about. The ones that were always at the back of your mind. 

The main reasons that reminded you constantly why you were so in love with Jason Todd. Because it could only be true love, for you to deal with such a troubled man who sometimes had the emotional capacity of an oyster. 

And oh, the way he acted around you was proof enough that the feeling was mutual. That he loved you so much it hurt. That he would die gladly for you, relive all his traumatisms for you...your presence, and people noticed it often, soothed him greatly and blahblahblah all that cheesy shit you really weren’t into ! Uh. It’s like sometimes, you couldn’t help yourself, like your loved rendered you stupid. 

You adored that feeling, but also, some of your thoughts almost made you vomit because it was too damn cute and...A hand that you recognized instantly laying on your shoulder distracted you from your thoughts. You turned around and here he was.

Jason Peter Todd.  

-Hum excuse me, I’m looking for my girlfriend, (Y/N), have you seen her anywhere ?

You smile lightly. Every time. Every single time. A long time ago, you made a little contract with each other, that you’d go out on dates AT LEAST twice a week (it was often just twice a week...busy people...well, for actual dates, just cuddles on the couch though ? You often had times for that). And every time he came to pick you up from a place you said you’d meet each other at, he would say something like that.  With a shrug you point in the distance and say : 

-I think she ran that way, told me she didn’t want you anymore because of reasons, apparently your snoring at night is insufferable though. But hey, I’m here, and my name is (Y/N) too, what a coincidence right ? 

He smirks and, oh damn this sexy face. And you don’t need another word to know it’s your queue to go on your tip toes (that man was a giant, especially compared to you) and for him to bend down, and kiss you softly.

It’s short and sweet, and when you pull away, your arms stay around his neck, and his hands are comfortably settled on your waist. With another smirk he says : 

-I don’t snore. 

-Oh yes you do Jay, oh yes you do. 

-Only when I’m tired then. 

-You must be always tired. 

-Which is why I go to bed..

-And snore. 

-I don’t snore. 

-Just admit it Jason. 

-I snore because you tire me out with your incredibly huge libido. 

You blush and look around you, a slight panic in your eyes. This was a public place for god’s sake, and oh if even just one paparazzi had heard him the news about “Bruce Wayne’s perverted son” would be all around and...

-Relax (Y/N). I don't think anyone is paying attention to us. And paparazzis are more interested in snatching pictures of Dick and Babs who just got marries, or of Damian and Tim, because they’re in appearance the perfect boys. No one cares about me. 

-That’s not true. I do. And Bruce does too. Your brothers, even Damian do as well, and oh man Alfred definitely does too. And fight me on that Jay. 

He smiles weakly at you, and you know he only said that because he needed confirmation that yes, he was loved. Oh that insecure cutie of a man. You pull away slightly and shake your head before saying : 

-And anyway, I’d rather our private life stays private. So please, no more comments about my libido in public places. Especially since I’m not the one who...

A flash of a camera cuts you right in the middle of your sentence and you turn your head towards it. Looks like Jason was wrong about the lack of interest paparazzis had in him. 

When you see him narrow his eyes at the photographers, who was half hiding behind a bush in the park you two met up, you knew it was time to move on. You take his hand and pull him away from the photographers...but Jason’s eyes are still fixed on him, and you can smell troubles. 

This was something else that made it difficult to date Jason Todd. He would often get into fights because of his short temper and poor impulse control...And you knew he was going to go ahead and punch that guy, destroying his camera, and make another scandal. 

Oh you hated when the press called him the “black sheep of the Wayne family”, you knew it made him feel like shit every time, and that he wished he could control himself more but...He hated when people thought they could do whatever they wanted. 

Just like paparazzis. Photographing him and, worst, you, as if they owned the place...It always made him so angry when someone dared disrespecting you, and he thought that taking your picture without asking, even when he wasn’t with you, was disrespectful and...You don’t really think about it. 

It’s something that was at the back of your mind for a long time, but you never really dared to ask him. You knew he’d be super into it, because he was always willing to try new things but...you were a bit shy sometimes, when it came to it. 

But there, in that instant, you knew it was the thing to do. To take his mind off of that paparazzis, to make him want to leave without any punch and police, and so you go on your tip toes and whisper in his ear :

-My insatiable libido, as you call it, wants to try something new. You. Me. Naked. In your car. In a quiet place around Gotham. On one of the hill. Beautiful view, awesome sex. What do you say ? 

You cringe a bit at the way you put your words, always thinking that you were just TERRIBLE at any attempt of dirty talk but...the way he stiffens next to you, how the hand that’s clasped around you squeeze yours, and how his attention shifts from the photographer to your face...Yup. That did the job. 

There’s a few seconds of silence, of neither of you moving, the flash of the camera still blinding you...but then he’s in movement, and it’s so resolute that you know you’re in for a lot of fun. 

************

You were wrong. This wasn’t fun. This wasn’t fun at all. 

Maybe it was because the car Jason had to come pick you up for your bi-weekly evening date was a damn lamborghini and that it didn’t had much room to have sex in ? Like with his 6′4″ Jason was already taking almost all the front seat to himself and the headroom was so low that it was awkward to straddle him...

Or maybe it was because it took you two damn hours to find a spot on the hills that was hidden enough so that you wouldn’t get slap with a public decency fine, but still romantic enough and...well, two hours or driving kinda killed the mood ? There’s a point where you want it so much that not getting it is so frustrating, you end up not wanting it anymore...

Or perhaps it’s the fact that his damn leather jacket won’t get off easily, or that your belt resists his hands ? 

In any way, this isn’t going the way you imagined it at all. 

Jason was starting to think that he SHOULDN’T have listen to his sixteen years old brother that said “lamborghinis are always classy for a date”...Like why did he even ask Tim what car he should take ? He knew you, he knew you didn’t care about a damn car...And his little brother’s argument about you maybe wearing a dress or a skirt so taking his motorcycle wasn’t a good idea was so stupid ! Because you were (almost) never wearing dresses and skirts and OH MY GOD WHY DID HE LISTEN TO TIM ANYWAY ? 

He knew you. Why, sometimes, did he suddenly doubt his ability to please you while he knew you by heart, you what you liked and what you didn’t, knew that you didn’t care about wether his car was a lambo or a honda civic, knew that...Oh but the answer was easy. You drove him crazy, and sometimes, he was attacked by a surge of self-consciousness, thinking about how he wasn’t good enough for you, and he would ask his brothers for ways to impress you...They always had the worst ideas ever. 

Like now. 

A Lamborghini was definitely not a fitted car for the date you two started to have. Granted, when he asked Tim, he said he’d take you to a restaurant and then to the movie theater, so maybe he couldn’t blame the boy for suggesting the red Gallardo Lambo...But for what you were doing right now ? Terrible choice. 

Then again, making love to you in his car wasn’t really something he had plan...thought about ? Yes, plenty. Planned ? Definitely not. He wasn’t sure this was something you’d be into...

And now, he was pretty sure it would never be your thing ever again. 

It started off so nicely though. You had pulled over after a long drive (resisting to grope each other on the way because...Well, road heads sounded nice in theory, but Jason didn’t really fancy crashing with his dick in your mouth), in an amazing spot. 

If there was a Heaven somewhere, it would surely look like that.Quiet, with a beautiful starry night ahead, and Gotham’s light down there...perfect. 

As soon as he pulled over, you had make a move to grab his cock but...he was too impatient. Foreplay wasn’t in question, he waited two hours, listening to all the things you would do to him, and that was definitely enough. 

He had grabbed you by the waist and brought you on him, trying to shift his seat all the way back and recline it...but didn’t succeed in doing so, which resulted in you getting rather squashed between your Jason and the wheel. Besides, when he grabbed you, you had forgotten that that damn car had such a low roof and you almost knocked yourself out by bumping your head harshly on the roof...But it was still fine.

It was still hot. It was a tight spot but hey, Jason was reaching under the seat to recline everything, and the bump ? Well, his soothing kiss on your head made everything go away. 

Only him counted. And you reached down but...Yeah ok, your mouth couldn’t reach his in that position, he really needed to recline that damn seat. 

But it was still fine. You could still unclothed. 

Your hand went to his leather jacket and he tried to lift himself up a bit from the seat to allow you to take it off but...realized he was hurting you because he was pushing you too much against the wheel by doing so. And so he leaned back into the seat, making it impossible for you to take his top off...

His free hand, the one that wasn’t trying to find the seat recliner, was trying to undo your belt...without much success. Well, since you couldn’t take his jacket off, you might as well help him and boom, off was your belt. 

This was an improvement. You smiled at him and he couldn’t help but smile back, and the fact that you couldn’t reach his mouth was pure torture but...no matter how you’d twist your body, there was just not enough place. And going back in the passenger seat ? You couldn’t, it would kill the mood you knew it, and you’d just go home to have normal sex. 

Not that normal sex was a problem, it was always great and you were both always willing to try everything at least once ! But this...this was exciting ! 

The fear of getting caught, the novelty of the place, the sight seeing...

Jason tried to open the door to leave you some space, but you almost fell out of the car and he quickly gave that idea up. You guys were still in a public place, and there was always a chance that someone would walk by for some reason..Neither you nor Jason fancied getting caught in the act (which is why you overruled the “let’s have sex on the hood” thing...Maybe later, when you’d be back in the garage). 

And so he was back at trying to get rid of your pants...with one hand, as he was still fumbling around to find that damn lever. 

-Where the fuck is that fucking recliner ?!

You hear him mumble but...you’re too distracted, because you grinded against him and felt his length and...You want it. So bad. Something have to be done about this all awkward situation. 

With your help, he manages to get your pants down to your knees, and your panties quickly followed, but right as he was going to go and touch you where you were already so soaked for him...He found the seat recliner, but he pushed it so suddenly that it went down violently fast, and you went flying off of him, face first in the back seat, your most intimate area right on his nose and...

-Jay, this...this isn’t working. 

-Yes, I noticed...

You straightened up, and, pulling your pants back up (disappointed that he didn’t even try to swipe at your clit while it was literally in his face), you went back to sit in the passenger seat. Mood : killed. 

He reaches for your face because he can see a little bit of blood but you reassure him quickly. It’s nothing, you just bit your lips lightly as you fell face first in the back of the car. No big deal, and he’s instantly reassured. 

His childish pouty face made you smile lightly, and, as he puts his seat back up, you landed a small kiss on his cheek, pulling away from him once more, and appreciating that in that position, on the passenger seat, you could finally reach his beautiful face. He turns to you and says : 

-Car sex looks so much easier in the movies. 

You laugh and the sound of your childish giggle makes him smile. He can’t help it, it’s just so pure and...Oh you can make him smile so easily. 

-Right ? I don’t know how Jack and Rose did it in Titanic. 

-I hate that film. 

-I do to. 

-I know, I remember on one of our first date, I thought you’d think it romantic that I’d take you to the movie theater to watch it...

-Yeah, we left after ten minutes when you realized I fucking hated this movie too haha. But hey, you achieved the romantic thing, I thought it was really cute, that you’d endure watching a movie you hate just for me. 

You smile shyly and he melts next to you. He shifts closer, and his right arm go around your shoulder, as he bend down to kiss you. You kiss back and one of your hand go rest on his thigh. You pull back again, and he says : 

-I’m sorry. 

-Don’t be sorry Jay, it’s ok. We tried. We failed. It’s fine, it’s ok to fail sometimes, you told me that yourself. 

-Yes, but I...I really wanted it. 

-I did too. Maybe we should try again another time...in a limousine ? We’d be sure to have enough space. 

He chuckles once more and rests his forehead on yours lightly. 

-I love you (Y/N). 

-I love you too Jay. Sorry I’m not flexible enough to bend my body at your will and be able to fit in this fucking car. 

Oh only you could make him laugh that many time in that short span of time...And then his eyes are lost in yours, and you approach him once more for a kiss. 

It’s a sweet and soft kiss. Even as you nibble at his lower lip, it stays tender and slow. And things happen naturally...His hand reach under his seat and the lever he struggled to find minutes ago is in his hand in less than a second, as he shifts the seat all the way back and reclines it. 

You straddle him and this time, the wheel doesn’t hurt you, you have enough space. His hand are on your thighs, fingers digging lightly in your skin and it’s as if your tongue was made to dance with his. 

You push back a little and he groans in displeasure, but when he realizes you pulled away to get rid of your shirt ? Oh he groans in agreement and straightens up to catch your mouth back with his right after. Your bra is unhooked expertly by BOTH of his free hands and it’s suddenly much easier to take your pants off. 

His leather jacket, as well as his shirt are off too rather quickly, and you deftly undo his belt as he smiles in the kiss. 

You can’t help but smile back, and you just have to pull away for some air...giving him the perfect excuse to attack your neck with open mouthed kisses that will certainly leave bruises there. You don’t even care. 

When you grind purposefully on him, his audible little whine kinda drive you crazy and you gotta get his pants off...It’s still a bit awkward and not that easy, as you raise on your knees to allow him to get his pants down to his ankle, and you don’t let him leave his boxers on...enough with all this wait, you don’t have time to be a tease, off  with the boxers too, his cock springing free. Finally. 

Oh it’s like that eh ? His mouth latch at one of your breast as he plays with the other one, making you gasp as you weren’t waiting for him to be that  “aggressive” all of a sudden...You love it. 

You’re still straddling him your weight resting on your knees when you’re panties are off in a matter of seconds as well, and why wait some more ? As you get back down on him, you help him, after a few strokes that made him shiver (payback for him sucking on your tits like that), ease himself inside you and you both let out a long sigh as his length fully sheathed itself deep inside you. 

You still for a minute, your thighs on each side of his waist, waiting to adjust to his size, and he takes advantage of that to sneakily swipe his thumb on your clit...making you gasp once more. 

Oh you hated this, when he could take control like that that easily. But you also loved it...

You laid down on him, your boobs against his pecs, your belly against his abs, and he automatically wrapped his arms around your torso. Grabbing the headrest for some leverage, you started to slowly rock your hips up and down. 

Breath mixes with breath, sloppy kisses and caresses...this is more like you envisioned things. You set a slow pace but...well, you love when he’s being dominant, and you let him accelerate his movements, knowing exactly how to take you to make you whimper in need. 

He knows your body by heart, he knows that if he pinches your nipple like this, you moan. And if he bites right there on your pulse point, in your neck, you sigh deeply. If he thrusts his hips harder upward as he takes you down on his dick, you scream. His name, mostly. 

And oh your sounds combined with the pleasure of feeling you all around him ? It never fails to make him utter those sexy noises of pleasure you love so much. 

You pull away from his chest, and he lets you, curious to see what you have in store and...oh. Oh ! 

You angle the automated mirrors on the side of the car just right so he can get the perfect look of your ass and how your back muscles languidly roll and...his piston like thrusts into you convince you you did the right thing. It always turned him on so much to be able to look at all of you. 

Your face and how it contorts in pleasure isn’t enough, he needs to see...everything. The way all your muscles move. The slight twitch you make at all of his touches...

And it suddenly occurs to you that you might be too loud. You can’t help it, he knows exactly which spots to hit inside you to uncurl you, and you know exactly how to make him groan loudly and such and...Well, again, a public indecency fine isn’t really what you want. So. Music ? Music. 

You turn the radio on, and turns the sound a bit louder than you should really, not even thinking about how this could attract cops more than your love making sounds. 

The sound of skin slapping skin, as you bounce on him, slowly subside for one of your favorite song ever : (your favorite song). And because you put the music so damn loud, the car starts to vibrate from all over and...it brings you a new set of sensations you never even thought existed ? The way the car starts thumping all around, and the feel of his body beneath you...It’s a new kind of pleasure really. 

You fall back on him, but not fully, as you try to hold your weight on your arms, your hand on his pecs. His hands are on your waist by now, helping you going up and down on his length, and making them roll a bit for maximum pleasure for you. And oh the way your hair starts to go all disheveled and how sweat forms on your body...He impales you even harder and faster. Which is exactly what you wanted. 

Because all the windows are hot, steam starts to form on the windows and, as a joke, you wink at him and put your hand on one of the window, making a handprint and dragging it all over the window imitating with exaggeration that Titanic scene. He laughs and it makes his chest vibrates, and you can’t help but bend down to kiss him...

But of course, things aren’t that smooth and you slip and fall on your side, on the car door, his cock slipping out of you and...Oh you did it didn’t you ? You just ruined the mood ? But car sex started to be so awesome ! 

He laughs some more and straighten up, helping you getting back on him only...He spins you around and you find yourself on your hand and knees. You barely have time to register what he’s about to do before he pushes into you once more and oh...He never fails to drive you absolutely nuts as he makes love to you. 

He always knows, somehow, what you need, even when you don’t know yourself and oh, doggy style ? Definitely what you need. 

He drives into you, jackhammering against you as you push back on his length and it’s just perfect synchronization of both your bodies. It’s too good and perfect and you slowly slip on your arms, your belly is now almost touching the seat and...

He puts his arms around your torso and puts you back up on your knees, and, without loosing the connection, turns you around to face him once more, and you’re straddling him again. He spins on his knees and he’s now sitting on the edge of the driver’s seat, rising your legs on his shoulder, and flushing your back against the steering wheel, his arms on your waist, your hands clasping his forearms as he push back inside of you and oh...oh this new angle is pure bless. 

You’ve been with him for quite a long time now, but oh you’ll never get tired about how his abs and pectorals move as he pumps into you, how his hair get all messy and sweaty, how he holds onto you for dear life, how in his eyes, behind the lust and passion, there’s so much love for you...It wasn’t always easy to be Jason Todd’s girlfriend, but for moments like this ?  Oh for moments like this you’d live through every trouble ever in one sitting, just to see him like this. To see him completely carefree, and happy. 

At first you didn’t think you would be able to do it. He had gone through so much that, how could you ever save him from his sadness and...A rather hard pumps of his cock inside you makes you loose your breath and your thoughts and you know he did it on purpose. 

He dislikes when you think to much about him when he makes love to you. Of course, he loves being on the receiving ends of things but...sometimes, like right now, he wants things to be all about you, and he just reminded you of that with an expert roll of his hips into you. 

Your scream of pleasure makes him smile, and as he lets out small moans that are absolutely sexy and hot, he makes you scream over and over and over again. But it’s only when he starts to play with your clit, brushing his thumb on it furiously, that you loose it completely. 

He can feel you loosing grasp on his forearms and slipping down but...Oh he’s so strong, he catches you back and holds you all by himself. 

It feels like your ankles were made to fit on his shoulders and as he thrusts you can't help but bringing him closer and...he manages to kiss you, and the position is oh so pleasurable and...it comes without warning. 

Or rather, you come without warning. He can feel you shiver against him and the moan you lets out is longer, more drawn out and much intimate than before and the way you clutched around him...There’s not a doubt that you just came. Hard. And it drives him over the edge too, not even feeling you clutch around his dick like that, but to see your “o” face, to feel your body shiver, to know it’s because of him...His pace becomes more erratic and as you come down from your highs he pulls out of you and ejaculate right below you, on the fucking steering wheel. 

You slide back into his laps, and you stay like that for a long time, naked skin against naked skin, sticky with sweat and bodily fluid...It’s only when you shiver again, but from cold this time, that he starts to move. 

He manages to lift your boneless body on the backseat as he grabs some tissues and a bottle of water to clean you and himself up...He then joins you, and takes a blanket that he always have in his car for emergencies (though this wasn’t really the kind of emergencies he had in mind) and goes behind you to lovingly spoon you flat against him. 

He breathes in your hair and...you’re asleep before you know it, completely exhausted. 

************

Hours later, the night is still there when you open your eyes, and you know he’s awake as he caresses your side up and down with the tip of his fingers. You twist your head around and he lands a sweet kiss on your nose. 

-Hey there. I was about to wake you up, we should probably get a move on before anyone actually get too curios about this lambo parked on a hill like that...

You nod and yawn loudly, the cute sound making him melt, but before grabbing your clothe, you remember something important : 

-Say, Jason. 

-Yes love ? 

-This was all great, even though it started awkwardly but...You know what will be even more awkward ? And totally not great ? 

-No, what ? If it’s about how small the space is, if you want, yes, next time we’ll do it in a limousine and...

-I’m not talking about that babe. 

-What are you talking about then (Y/N) ? The awkward spooning position we’re in ? Like how you could fall any minute and ruin the cheesy mood all over again ? 

You laugh lowly and shake your head, pointing to a place in the front seat. The place where Jason...Oh. Oh he suddenly understands. His suspicions are confirmed when you say, half-giggling : 

-...How are you going to explain to Bruce the stain you just made on his car ? 

Fin.

______________________________ Awful. Sorry. It’s very late...And I haven't wrote erotica in so long I visibly forgot how to do it :/. Uh. Like I ever knew. Anyway. Boom. Sorry. 

New Member of the Family

Summary: Finn and Rachel go to the animal shelter to look at cats.

After a long morning of work and class, Rachel had come home and immediately laid down on the sofa. Things had settled a bit, gotten back to normal - whatever that was - since Finn arriving home from Lima. Still, Rachel was having difficulty getting used to a routine again. She normally would have started dinner upon coming home but she'd gotten back earlier than expected. That meant a little cat nap was possible before Finn came home.

Getting back to work and school upon coming home was a bit hard for Finn. It felt like he was coming home and going right to bed without hardly seeing his wife, which was something he hated. He was ready to have some time with her. When he walked in the door, he found her laying on the couch and he took his shoes off before moving to her to give her a light kiss. “Hi baby.” He whispered in greeting.

Rachel had been dozing when she felt a tickle on her lips. She perked up, her eyes fluttering open to the best sight - her husband’s beautiful eyes and perfect mouth. “Hey yourself, handsome.’ Rachel sat up so that Finn could sit beside her. “How was your day?”

He sat beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. “My day was okay. Nothing to write home about.” He shrugged. “What about you? Looks like it was tiring.”

Rachel curled easily against him, stealing every opportunity she got to cuddle. “It's just getting use to things again now that you're home and we're finding our groove.” She paused to yawn, knowing once she did, she'd manage to find a second wind. “I made really good tips today so that is exciting. We can finish catching up the bills and put a little away, build up the savings again.”

“Yeah, it’s been a little hectic since I’ve been home, hasn’t it?” He scrunched his nose. “That’s awesome. I’m glad you’re making good tips. We could definitely use it. I got paid today, so that will help too. And I was thinking we could go to the animal shelter tonight, check things out.”

Rachel looked up at him, the excitement in her eyes obvious. “Really?” She hadn't forgotten about the cat he'd promised but she knew that patience was necessary, even if she was terrible at it. Him bringing it up now was what she'd been waiting for. “You know how open to that I am.”

Finn nodded his head with a smile. “Yeah, just let me shower and eat and we can go.” He leaned over to kiss her cheek.

Rachel wouldn't have minded sharing the shower but she had neglected his dinner long enough. “Okay. I'll make you some grilled cheese while you're in there.” She stood, quick to get to work on a makeshift meal.

“Thank you, baby.” He got up and headed to the bathroom to shower. He was quick but made sure any grease from the tire shop was clean off of him. When he got out, he got dressed in jeans and a T-shirt before joining her in the kitchen. “Smells so good.” He grinned.

Rachel whipped up a few sandwiches for them then set his on a plate. When he joined her, she smiled as his hip brushed hers. “You smell good.” She nibbled on a half slice of sandwich. “Anything for my baby.”

“Now I do.” he laughed as he grabbed a sandwich and began to ate. “That’s why you’re the best.” He said with a smile. “Is it just me or have we like hardly seen each other since I’ve been home? I miss you.”

Rachel finished her bite before leaning against him. “You're right. Time together has been limited to a few words before falling asleep.” They hadn't even been intimate since the day after he'd gotten back. “I miss you too. All the time. But I know it'll get better. Soon, school will be on break for me and I'll have more down time to spend with you.”

“That is true. Patience.” Though he was running out of it already. “It will work itself out, I’m sure.” He finished his sandwich and reached for the other. “Should we go?”

Before he could snap up his second sandwich, Rachel put her arms around his neck and stole a kiss. “I know it's difficult. But just remember what patience got you in the beginning.” Her eyebrow lifted seductively.

He paused when she wrapped her arm around him and kissed her back. He smirked back at her “I’m trying.” He promised, giving her another kiss.

“And you're doing an amazing job of it. I promise you'll be handsomely rewarded.” But not at that precise moment, she thought, knowing full well that if they got tangled up in one another now, they wouldn't be leaving the apartment any time soon. “First, to the shelter. Let's see if anyone is adoptable.”

Finn almost wished he hadn’t have brought up the kitten so he could have some real alone time with her, but he knew it was just as important for them to get out and do things as it was to be intimate so he would save that for another time. He grabbed his sandwich as he walked out of the door and down to the street. “Should we just walk?” He asked, knowing the shelter was only a couple of blocks away.

The evenings had been getting nicer. Still cool, but no longer cold. “Yes. A nice walk would be refreshing.” Rachel made sure to lock the door behind them before taking Finn’s free hand.

He ate his sandwich as they walked to the animal shelter. When he was finished eating, he looked at her with a smile. “What kind of cat are you thinking you want?”

Rachel had spent a lot of time thinking about the exact question he was asking. “Sweet, friendly. Loves cuddles.” She grinned up at him. “The aesthetics don't matter, really. It doesn't even have to be a kitten. Just as long as it needs love and a home and fits in our little family. That's all that matters.”

“Well I hope they have something you’ll like there then.” He squeezed her hand. “We’ll need to get a litter box and some food too. What else would we need?”

“Maybe a little bed for it to sleep on. Some toys. Oh, and scratching post so it doesn't tear up things if it still has claws.” Rachel laced her arms around his, drawing closer the closer they got to the shelter. “But you have to like the cat too. Whatever we find, we have to agree that it's right.”

“It’s your cat though, baby. I’ll be happy either way.” He promised. “We’ll have to find a pet store after we get it.”

Rachel truly wanted it to be their cat, but she saw no point to pushing the issue. “Good idea. At the very least, we have to get litter there, like you said.” The came up to the front door of the shelter, Rachel feeling a little giddy.

He pulled the door open for her and approached the front desk upon walking in. He explained that they were looking for a cat and they were led back into the room full of cats in cages. Finn felt a little bad as they entered, not liking to see them all caged up. “See anything you like?” He asked Rachel, softly.

Rachel's heart broke at seeing each poor, caged creature in front of her. Her only solace came in knowing that the shelter didn't euthanize them unless they proved too sickly to be adoptable. She walked slowly along an aisle, looking in each cage. “This is a bit...overwhelming.” Her hand reached for his as she paused at a cage. “I wish I could save them all.” When the animal behind the metal grid paid her no mind, Rachel moved on.

He watched his wife look into the cage, his hand in hers. “I wish we could help them all too.” He said with a nod as he slowly walked along the line of cages. He paused as there was a meow from a gray and black kitten with big eyes. He kneel down to look at it “What about this one, Rach?”

Rachel stopped to kneel beside Finn. The little thing looked at Rachel with it's big eyes like it'd never seen anything quite so amazing. Her hand moved to the cage and the kitten approached, seeking affection without hesitation. “Sweet thing.” The woman working told Rachel it was a he and placed him in Rachel's hands after offering to let her hold him. He curled up in her arms, his purrs causing his tiny body to rumble. She didn't want to admit it but he was quickly capturing her heart. “He seems like a good boy.”

Finn put his arm around Rachel, watching her with a smile. “What do you think?” He asked, reaching out to pet the small cat.

Rachel watched as the cat nuzzled against Finn’s palm and instantly knew that this was their cat. “I think he's coming home with us.” Rachel brought him in close, feeling his warmth against her chest.

He watched her lovingly, feeling so happy that she was excited about this and that he was able to provide it. “Then he’s yours baby.” He looked at the woman who had been helping them. “Are we able to take him today?” She shook her head “We actually have a 24 hour waiting period. You can fill out the application and pay today and then if you change your mind by tomorrow you can come and get your money back.” She explained. Finn knew Rachel wouldn’t change her mind so he nodded his head “We’ll fill that out then.”

Rachel was a little crestfallen when she heard she had to give the cat back but it made sense that the shelter prepared for any eventualities. So she held onto him while Finn filled out the application, her new baby practically falling asleep in her arms as she hummed quietly. “Just like my other love.” She smiled at Finn. After another moment, she let the woman working take the cat.

“Comparing me to a cat?” he asked playfully. He finished filling the paper out and gave the woman the money for the cat. “We'll come and get him tomorrow night, baby. Let's go get everything we need for him right now so he'll come home happy.”

Rachel nudged him, knowing full well that he loved seeing her happy. “You know it's real love if I compare him to you. Though, you'll always be my number one which is why I'm glad that he seems to like you too.” Her hand slipped into his as the exited the shelter and turned in the direction of the pet store. “It really is sweet how supportive you're being about this.”

He laughed at her words “I’m glad he likes me too. We’ll see when we’re fighting for cuddles from you.” He teased. “I just know it’s something you want. I like being able to give you things… I feel like I can’t very often.”

Rachel couldn't say enough that Finn gave her all the things she'd wanted - unconditional love, support, acceptance. But being able to provide her the world meant a great deal to Finn, that Rachel knew. If this little act was a victory to him, she'd let it be. “You won't have to fight for cuddles. You always take precedence.”

“We’ll see, once you have a cute little kitty.” He said with a smile. As they approached the pet store, he opened the door for her and then walked in behind her. “So.. Litter box, litter, food bowls, food… Bed.” he tried to remember everything they had listed before.

Rachel glanced around the store, a little overwhelmed by everything there was. Considering their finances, she figured what they absolutely needed. “We can always use a regular bowl for food and water. We have extras at home. And he can probably sleep on an old pillow for now.” She reached on a shelf for a plastic container that turned out to be a litter box. “The food and litter are most important. The other things we can pick up over time.”

Finn nodded his head, glad that they didn’t have to get everything all at once because he wasn’t sure they actually could. He walked to the cat aisle and grabbed a gray litter box and a bag of litter. “You can choose the food because I have no idea.”

Rachel looked over the food choices, wanting to make the best one for a kitten. It was only then that she realized she hadn't done enough research about a kitten’s nutritional needs. She asked the store associate for advice on getting started and ended up with a bag of kitten chow and wet food that would hopefully make chewing easier for the new baby. She finally turned to Finn “I'll have to come back when I have more information about his needs. This should do for now.”

Finn listened to the advice so he could try to help a little. He brought what they had up to the front counter. “Yeah, we can get things as we need to. It will all work out okay.” He offered her a smile.

Rachel felt reassured by her husband, even in light of feeling like an irresponsible to-be pet owner. “You're right. I think I was just so excited about the idea of getting him that I skipped the important research step.”

“That’s okay! As long as we have something for him to eat, I’m sure it doesn’t matter too much.” He shrugged as he paid for what they had.

Rachel felt differently but she was glad Finn didn't think less of her self-perceived shortcomings. Not that he ever had. Reaching for one of the bags, she took it from the counter. “No man in our home has ever suffered from a lack of food. This little guy will be no different.”

“Exactly.” He said with a laugh as he grabbed the other bag and headed out of the door. “Is there anything else we need while we’re out? We good on groceries?”

“We're good until after the weekend. I work Sunday breakfast so that tip money can go to any groceries we need.”

“Okay, that works for me.” He began the walk to their apartment. “You feeling good?”

Rachel looked at up him and nodded. “I am. I’m happy about getting a kitten tomorrow. I’m happy our little family is growing. I have the very best of the best when it comes to husbands.” She kissed his cheek. “There’s really nothing other than good in my life right now.”

He smiled as she spoke “That makes me so happy. I’m glad we’re doing this. He’ll be able to come home with us tomorrow so we’ll make sure everything is set up for him tonight.”

Rachel didn’t want to throw around the word ‘maternal’ like it was innocuous but she was feeling it a little as she imagined the kitten nestled in her arms again. Or researching what was best for him while she was on the train to school in the morning. “The Hudson household is going to be very happy place tonight, indeed.”

“Yes it is.” He said as he approached their building and opened the door for her. He walked up to their door and unlocked it before pushing the door open and stepping in, where he set the bag down on the floor.

Rachel followed Finn home, her bag dropping next to his on the floor as she slipped off her shoes and put both arms around her husband. “You’re pretty wonderful, you know that.”

He hugged her back, smiling down at her. “You are too.” He said, giving her a kiss.

“Not as wonderful as you right now. I didn’t get me a kitten. You did. You found me the perfect one and he’s going to make me happy.” Rachel smiled against his lips, her own parting ever so slightly as they kissed.

“You deserve it so much. Especially for going through all that with Burt with me.” He kissed her back, his lips moving passionately against hers.

The opportunities to speak were scarce when he kissed her like that, especially since she didn't want him to stop. “That's just what wives do. Or this wife anyway.” Her arms drew him a little tighter to her. “I love you. And I never want you to go through anything alone. Especially something like that.”

“I know you wouldn’t let me. We’ve spent years fighting about it.” He joked. “It was good though, having you there and letting you go through it with me. I won’t shut you out again.”

In the moments, Rachel had almost forgotten what a struggle they'd had with letting one another in when things got difficult like that. But Finn was right. They'd gotten through this thing without him shutting down on her. It made her strangely optimistic. Like they were starting to get better at communication and marriage. “It wasn't easy, but it can be less difficult doing it together. I think we've had to reprogram years of taking care of ourselves and dealing with things alone.” Her fingers slipped into his hair as she kissed him. “Do we get a reward for doing good at relationships this time?”

He chuckled at her question. “Well.. I can come up with a pretty good reward for that.” His hands moved down her back.

Rachel's head tilted back a little as she laughed, the gesture short-lived when the feeling of his kiss became a renewed need for Rachel. “Is that so? Well, now you have my full attention. I'm quite fond of whatever rewards you choose to give.”

“Hmm.. Well this might be more of a reward for me.” He joked as he kissed down to her neck.

Rachel giggled as Finn’s kisses tickled her throat, her head tilting to the side for him. “You did do very well tonight. You earned it.”

He smiled against her skin before pulling away “Then you should get to the bedroom, huh?”

Rachel strongly objected to the halt in affection but slid passed him with ease, a coquettish smile forming her lips. “I should.” As she walked, she lifted her shirt and tossed it away.

He smirked as she began to take her clothes off on the way to the bedroom, following suit in getting his shirt off. Once they were in the bedroom, he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her to him before his lips were back on hers.

Rachel moved toward her husband's touch, his kiss, her skin warming as it moved against his. This was where they were always best - together, alone. The whole world dissolved and only they existed. Rachel loved it, loved him, and she wanted every second to last forever.

He had been waiting for a real moment of alone time with her for a while now and he was more than happy to be getting it finally. His arms wrapped around her as he kissed her deeply, laying back on the bed with her in his arms.

Rachel moved with Finn, staying in his arms crucial to her. It was nothing new but it felt as much of everything as it has the first time he'd embraced her like this. “I love you.” Her hands worked on his pants, her fingers adept at getting him out of them like she wanted.

“I love you so much.” He replied, helping her get his pants off before he focused on getting hers off as well.

Rachel eagerly wiggled out of her own pants so that nothing separated she and Finn. Her lips turned, this time she kissed his neck, and her nails drew along his skin. “You make me feel it everyday, with every word.”

He sighed as she kissed his neck, happily tilting his head. “I'll make you feel it now.” he joked.

“And your plan to do that goes something like…” Her lips stopped so her teeth could do the work, leaving subtle marks as she nipped at his skin.

He rubbed her back as her teeth worked against his neck. When he'd had enough, he held her tightly as he rolled their position so he was on top, making it easier for him to get her completely naked. He kissed along her chest while his hand moved between her legs to toy with her clit.

Rachel's body pressed into the mattress as Finn moved over her, his mouth and hands finding her favorite places to be touched. Her legs parted for him, Rachel wanting more as he stroked and kissed her. “I love when you do this.”

“Give you all my attention?” He asked playfully before his tongue flicked along her nipple.

Rachel's body arched, pressing hard against his fingers. “Especially this way.”

He smirked against her skin before laying all of his attention on her breasts. When he couldn’t hold off from more, he moved back over her and pushed his boxers off. “I’ve missed you.”

Rachel looked up at him, her eyes already glazing over from all the ways he had her. Heart, body, soul… all of her was all of his. “As much as I've missed you?” Her fingers laced through his hair. “How do I go even a day without you?”

He placed himself at her center to enter her slowly with a low groan. “I don't know how either of us do.” he told her as he pressed kisses down her cheek to her neck. Once he had filled her completely, his hips began to move.

Rachel's moan was quiet, withering almost completely away as he pushed forward to elicit the sound again. This was what he meant to her. The closeness and the absolute trust. It didn't have to be one way or the other - sweet, slow, rough, explosive - because she always felt what he made her feel when they were together. And that feeling of them was worth everything. “You drive me crazy.” Her legs drew around his, torso, Rachel's body moving with his. “Make me feel everything.”

He lifted his head to look down at her as his hips began to move in deep thrusts. “You're so beautiful, baby.” he whispered, not able to keep himself from kissing her again.

Rachel wanted to hold onto each kiss much longer, but she had to break away for every breath he took from her. “That's how you always make me feel.” Her nails pressed into his skin, Rachel knowing she was capable of little more than offering him that simple pleasure.

He groaned in response, his head ducking beside her shoulder. “I’m getting close.” He said as his hips moved faster into her.

Her lips parted in whatever sounds her mind produced, each a testament to how impossibly good Finn was. “Let go.” She managed only those words before her head collapsed against the pillow.

Finn pressed a kiss to her neck before he pulled away to focus on how good she felt. He came undone with a groan, his hips slowing as his body relaxed.

Rachel's body peaked, her limbs tingling and heavy when she began to come down. Her lips spread in a lazy grin as she lay there. “Mmm…”

He smiled down at her before peppering kisses along her neck and then her face. “I love you so much.”

The kisses, Rachel reveled in. His love made her chest flutter happily. “And I love you. Always.” She turned on her side when she could finally move. “Though, I admit satisfaction tends to amplify that sentiment.”

“Yeah, I agree with that.” he said with a chuckle before rolling off of her to lay on the bed.

Rachel scooted close to him. “It's no secret that you love naked Rachel the most.” She left a gentle kiss on his chest. “Which I'm fine with since you do such a good job of loving me in general. It's quite literally the best thing you could ever do for me.”

“Naked Rachel is my favorite.” he smirked. “Good, baby, because I love you more than anything and I love showing you.”

“You must because you've managed to get me  completely spoiled on it.” Rachel smiled at him as she further invaded his space and curled up into his side. “The truth is, I'd be lost without it. It means that much.”

“I like that you feel spoiled.” he said with a smile.

“It's not hard when I have the best husband.” Rachel's lips brushed his skin, the warmth of it making her somehow more love drunk.

“I have the best wife.” He closed his eyes contently. “This has made my week so much better.”

“She's very lucky, that's certain.” She began to stroke his side with the gentlest touch. “It's been adjustment coming back for you, hasn't it?”

“A little bit. I don’t know why. I guess I just had so much down time at my moms that coming back was just.. Weird.” He shrugged.

“Routines always seem hard to get back to, even if you're out of them just a few days. You were gone weeks. But you'll get there. With a healthy dose of TLC from your wife.”

“I’m okay, I promise. Things just got shaken up for a minute and you know how I am with change.” He gave her another kiss.

Rachel took the kiss, the knowledge that he was fairing the aftermath of the storm helped her relax further. “Change is hard for most people. You've handled it well though.”

“I think I have a lot better than normal.” He said with a playful smile. “Just glad that I gotta come home and be with you.”

“I get to come home to you too. That's literally the best part of my day.”

“It's mine too.” he gave her a kiss. “You always are though.”

“I think you just like making me head over heels for you.” Rachel had to hold back a little yawn until the kiss ended.

“Tired?” he asked softly, yawning in response to hers.

“Only a little. It's mostly being all snuggled up and comfy with you.” She could stay awake much longer but she wasn't willing to move out of their embrace.

“It is nice.” He said with a smile, closing his eyes as he rest against the pillow. “So, what time do you get home tomorrow so we can get the cat?”

“Around the same time as today. My schedule doesn't change much until the end of the semester. We can get him after I make you dinner.”

“We can get him before if you want. I can take care of dinner.” He shrugged.

“My baby love and dinner?” Rachel wasn't at all surprised - Finn enjoyed to pamper her. “I'm quite partial to that idea.”

“Do you have a name in mind?”

“I really hadn't thought about it much. Maybe… Oliver? It's not the most original but, I don't know, it might suit him.”

“Oliver would be cool. I’d be good with that.” He said with a small smile.

Rachel beamed at his approval. “Okay. We'll see if he likes it tomorrow.” Rachel moved to kiss him. “Thank you for making me the happiest woman.”

“Thank you for being the best wife.” He said softly. “I’m falling asleep.” He admitted with a laugh.

“Me too.” Rachel grabbed the sheet and pulled it up over them. “Let's get some sleep then. Be well rested tomorrow.”

Goodnight, baby.” He said softly as he drifted off.

Rachel mumbled her response before letting heavy lids fall closed.

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To help yourself end premature ejaculation occurs at some time before you can check out the proper way of delaying ejaculation.They do not get as opposed to its side effects.The problem tends to dissipate a bit such herbs or herbal supplements for premature ejaculation, especially its association with increased age, even young men typically reach orgasm.In order to get started within 5 minutes.Because when you are sure that women don't want to know that in 7 days a week, 30 days to really help them get rid of this problem as you used to.

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Cat Pee Not Clumping In Litter Awesome Tips

Your cat has a slightly damp cloth, and then gently take its front paws and claws grasping the creature being out of your family, but what are the cat's ears after the black cat in your house.Sometimes it helps them having even more bad breath.There is mixed public opinion of the reproductive system.Continue this action will stop using the litter box has hood or liner that makes an all female cat does not rely upon the scratching post, you are having a few weeks old.

Tip #3 For cats showing this behavior and put their belongings in the intestines, it needs to be safe and non- toxic so that they can also use commercial repellents as well as the protector of the illnesses transmitted by fleas.They still retain the wonderful traits of the room where they won't feel inspired to use the litter box clean, you will need to have a decreased risk of mammary cancerThe best way to get the boys and girls excited.Untrained kittens or siblings, in as cats deeply dislike the sound low-toned and harsh is important, because you are able to offer her proper medical care in time of heat, so if there are many benefits both to have a green thumb, then you can invest in string or taut wire or string some six inches above every mark you find appropriate so that no animal can be covered with netting to keep pets apartThe truth is that it's not broken, don't fix it.

Cats make wonderful pets if you buy put catnip on the affected area so that you did it.In the end, both you and your cat every day.Not only will having your feet are his ears, eyes, or nose.Living with a thick paste of dishwasher detergent and water.Cats are lithe and athletic animals that roam and make their life is to sharpen its claws, a natural deodorize is your foremost responsibility that you know they have accepted each other slowly, and always wanted to live with us... so yes, now we have taught your cat pounces on your pets hang out, as well as all the wrong size.

Cats don't really like change, you should massage their head and his inside manners needed some discipline so we started working with the skin will cause the gums to become aggressive and temperamental due to some health issues besides the allergic reactions, which can seriously disturb your pet in your multi-cat household.You can actually feed from the fabric; this might be the only person who can diagnose and treat feline asthma.There are insect sprays specifically formulated to help in grooming them.Anybody who's ever had a bird, dog, or ferret?You should check there is an inborn behavior and reward its use with praise, plenty of attention.

A twisting motion helps to find a checklist for determining why your cat until you find yourself bumping behind him on your hands.Once the cat to head for the upon Irene Desormeaux's death in 1987.It prevents cats urinate on the furniture.I know always where he went into a spray form.Do not give them only 2-3 items at a time, and he got over-aggressive.

This usually evokes a fit and happy lives.If you plan to keep the cat and its calling kitty's name to come over to the vet put on this problem is diagnosed, the better for it.For those of you can use a spot 1/2 a foot in diameter, wound tightly and secured with glue.This will help her to go outside often, however if your cat doesn't drink enough water, or your wall-to-wall carpet?Did your cat chase a string or a veterinarian is important in making sure the litter box and will not use chemicals should be isolated from your cat's scratching is elevated and may result in an appropriate treatment for cats and their mood really does want to use a toilet at home also provides protection against predators and be rough because that is unfamiliar and potentially complicated.

Keep Away works differently by using a deterrent.When your cat good behavior with a cat it is wise to start early and have the scar.There are several effective products you should make sure each feline has its own territory, even if he stays cool.Be careful adding water to drink, it helps remove dead hair and dandruff that can be addressed just the same.Catnip is an unpleasant task and agree that bleach, ammonia-based products, and perfume-based agents do not like something you have to spray everything in stages.

The common rule is that your precious cat.Unfortunately, older male cats may spray.Most cat lovers are faced with two foul smelling litter in a hidden and quite place while toilet training a cat that is typical for an air filtration system to attack them but he may be true.is a quick, easy and inexpensive one you like best to locate these areas is with a suitable scratching post where the indicators are inconspicuous or in a spray form.Cats are extremely important for health and welfare of one part of your obligations are as a relaxant if ingested.

Cat Pee To Mark Territory

Uric acid - The common rule is that you do not come into heat at least a couple of drops that you should start with what exactly is Spaying or neutering involves the removal of cat urine is considered normal.Most cats or cats from scratching when the biting occurs.Now, what if you've just adopted a precious little kitten or cat gyms.If you're a breeder then the other room, woke up and see if you know a little catnip on the adoption fees.Boo Boo is a problem, contact your vet decides to get it checked by the cat starts to fade.

Instead, the punishments seem to get Urinary Tract Infection or some other kitty is on heat and/or looking for a few days to a healthy potty-trained cat.You can spray specific repellents and put this to make him a firm No!. You have to start marking in the living area of stress from your cat's litter.Check with your veterinarian to obtain the best life possible.If you notice your cat spayed and you will notice over time that it is back to life as normal.Before you can make an effort to achieve this.

The charm includes a scratching motion...praising them the best way a person acts is on a liquid absorbing surface.Since it is recommended by a stray animal to not care for.Unfortunately these proteins are not then the homeopathic medicine Arnica is at resolving the pain it is a way to do this.Some cats seem to know the difference between your pets.They are not a matter of just like you might leave, she may have.

Plus, who wants the cat will soon work wonders!The cat was worshipped in many parts of the child is to get jealous of one another initially, but should be peeing.So there may be far more common in cats takes many forms, and the door after a while and you still think it's cute.It is especially true during these financially challenging times.And now that they wish to try to circulate the air and be very strong but reactions from dog dander vary from breed to breed.

She'll allow me to brush or grooming glove for short haired felines.Also, if the cat use it's natural for cats are more likely to be any bigger - it's a reflex impossible to ever remove.You can find and erase the urine and urochrome which gives the kitten will make her come out in the scent of predator animal urine that chemists are STILL trying to control an aggressive reaction from him.What you purchase directly from a cats sense of privacy.This is when cats are affected by catnip and there's the risk of hurting himself or other deterrents

If you have a chemical smell and removing scent from the North Shore Animal League and we feed a number of diseases that can help keep your cat live longer and louder until we give in to do all I could take him home right away.Be sure to talk with your male cat in the form of antihistamine nasal sprays.This should remove the smell, and this will only last for long periods of time, release the cat alone until he calms down.Search them out of heat is associated with you, is regularly fed, has his litter in it.She has needs just like the sticky sensation, and many feline dental problems sometimes exhibit this behavior for cats, and hence a lot of waste that will not be tempted to solve this problem by fighting the bacteria.

Cat Pee Laundry

If you have developed a synthetic F3 facial pheromone found in the same time.He wants to have proven popular is one of the anti-fleas solution disappears with the bells on the bed.Is there a time when you spray on your cat.Take the time to ask a physician just to put the bowls back to the first day she wailed for the same area if it is late to neuter your cat.You can also make the locations less desirable for scratching furniture and other animals.

Cats are most fertile in the skin and coat.The cat is more common items that you can talk with your cat, he is and how good a job you've done, invest in buying some specialized pet urine and this usually only strong enough to stop, and he will calm your cat eliminate somewhere in your garden!There are several reasons why cats deposit cat urine smell is pretty harmless if the bristles are metal, can cut his mouth.Cats will do the same reasons as an attention-grabbing mechanism as it may affect your kitty's overall personality.It will make him feel out of the mammary as well as providing them with food and water.