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69consellationsinatrenchcoat · 16 days

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✨Welcome to 69 Constellations* in a Trenchcoat✨

*alters (our increasingly misnamed system blog, we don't have 69 alters.)

As a general rule of thumb we're a system, not plural. We work together as a family to recover... we're a system, trying to recover. Singlar parts of a greater whole.

Welcome to our little corner of the internet. We go by Constellation, or TheConsellationCollective, or as some of you may know us; 69ottersinatrenchcoat.

We have diagnosed dissociative identity disorder (DID), autism, ADHD, and chronic pain… and a few other things that if you stick around you'll learn about.

We tend to post a mix of things we enjoy and informative content.

.°˖✧ Meet the Team ✧˖°.

Kaden, they/he (🐚): 18 years - bisexual - trans masc - INTP 5w6 I wish I could say I'm interesting but… I'm not really. I'm trans masc, a bisexual disaster, eighteen years old and a massive Swiftie. I adore stats and analysing patterns where I can, especially in personalities, human behaviour and the brain.. I play lot of the Legend of Zelda, and adore the franchise. I'm a massive nerd and proud of it haha. Atheist (humanist).

Kyle, he/him (💜): 21 years - pansexual - cis man - ENFJ 2w3 Dad to like, everyone... and madly in love with Lillia. Also, he's my older brother. He's seriously awesome, and does a lot of our religious related content at school. Christian.

Lillia, she/her (🪻): 19 years - bisexual - demigirl - INFP 1w9 Our resident creative genius. Loves painting, drawing, writing, and all things artsy.. she's an amazing poet (will deny) but I've read her work, I cried. She's softly spoken and can usually be found with her head in a book, quietly debating philosophical concepts or caring for our littles.

Amber (🔥) they/she: 20 years - bi ace - apagender/gender apethetic - INFJ 8w9 I'm the main protector of our system and I manage chronic pain where I can. As the original post said, I'm a writer, I wrote poetry a lot to escape this..absolute train wreck of a world. I often spark drama and controversy in my family by having rather unusual opinions, and because of how I word things (it's not intentional). I'm bi, but ace, and as Kaden said, a druid [edited 11/6/24 by Amber]

Link/Wild, they/she/he (🗡️): 17 years - bisexual - genderfluid - ISTP 9w8 Our fun-loving adventurer. Loves trying new things and having fun, and being... chaos on legs. He can and will, eat everything. My amazing boyfriend (..and yes, he's an introject from LoZ). Religion wise he follows Hylia and the triforce goddesses.

Some of us don't post here and don't want info up and that is totally okay, and will be respected. However, they may post at their leisure, but will usually sign off in the tags with "posted by [emoji]"

The list above doesn't include everyone :)

Littles post mostly on @fivelittlemuffins and will remain anonymous

.°˖✧ System Info ✧˖°.

We go by constellation and use they/them pronouns. We're bodily an adult, and studying to become a psychologist; we start our psych degree at the beginning of 2025!!

.°˖✧ DNI ✧˖°.

Syscourse: we believe that, psychologically, systems cannot be formed without trauma. If you are experiencing amnesia, identity confusion etc, it's best to speak with a psychologist or another mental health professional. We do not want to get involved in syscourse if at all possible.

Homophobia, transphobia, any kind of queerphobia, religious discrimination, hate speech etc, on our blog will be cause for an instant block.

Under 16s, please do not follow.

this is the better intro post (you can find the old one, here)

#posted by 🐚#after renaming our blog i thought it was time for an intro update #intro post #pinned intro #blog intro #system intro #did osdd #did #did system #actually dissociative

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bougiebutchbitch · 1 year

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(starcee anON) HOLY SHIT? LMAO? I LOVE THAT SO MUCH???? your response was better than i expected tbh i was sitting here thinking "oh nooo they're gonna think i'm so weird for asking such a random tfp ship question" ajsdjsfdsfk i would sincerely love to read that first chapter anytime that you are comfortable sharing it! you obviously dont have to commit to the long fic unless if u absolutely wanted to, i know its difficult to keep up with long fics just in general. and take it from me as someone with adhd and autism i know you cant, like, force a hyperfixation to stay at a certain level for a certain period of time in order to actually Make Things for said hyperfixation, let alone gather the energy for even Making the Things. i am but a friendly neighborhood anon simply showing my very strong support for starcee fucking if you ever wanted to grace us with it <3

sdkfghjgfsdg you are a DELIGHT! I would be all too happy to share - though alas, I have so many projects on my plate I can't guarantee this one will ever get finished. But a teaser-taster for you, dear Starcee nonnie!

Super messy and unedited....

FATE MISNAMED

There is no such thing as an accident; it is fate misnamed – Napoleon Bonaparte (I’ve always felt that he and Starscream have something in common…)

ARCEE KNOCKS UP STARSCREAM, hatefrag to grudging friendship with kid on the side.

It was the second tight-band communication burst in as many human months. The difference was, this time Arcee wasn’t the only bot online to receive it.

“Starscream,” said Ratchet, loading that designation with every ounce of frustration the mech deserved.

Arcee froze, spark skipping an entire spin.

Frag. Not again.

The silo interior abruptly lit with the targeting systems of her HUD. Her intakes raced; her plating clutched tight to her protoform. Her optics clicked, zooming in to a sharper degree of focus, as if she were about to transform blasters and fire. Battle protocols online.

Damn him. Damn him. Had it taken the glitch only one of this planet’s moon-cycles to renege on their deal? That they would never speak of what had happened, ever again?

:What does he want?: beeped Bee.

Bulkhead snorted, lumbering over from where he’d been helping Miko with her latest art project – something about releasing the inner child through finger-painting, which Arcee suspected Miko only chose because one of Bulk’s digits alone was enough to blot her entire canvas. “Lemme guess. He wants to trade intel again.”

Ratchet scanned the message, frown ossifying onto his faceplates. “No,” he said, slowly.

“Arcee?” she heard Jack say, as if from a distance. “Are you…?”

“It says,” Ratchet continued, his narrow blue gaze swinging ominously to settle upon her, “that he wants to talk. With you.”

The rest of the conversation washed over Arcee like the flares of solar radiation that prickled your mesh when your shuttle flew too close to a dying star. Bulkhead, trying to crack a joke about how he knew Starscream was stupid, but he’d never pegged him for suicidal. Bumblebee, nervously twittering that they couldn’t really be considering letting her go alone. Ratchet, muttering half-hearted threats about blocking that frequency band entirely. Jack, saying her name with worry apparent in his voice, while Miko suggested an imaginative array of possibilities for how this could be a trap.

And Optimus, studying her with his usual even expression. Impassive. Unjudging.

Arcee sure hoped that lasted.

“I’ll go,” she growled, stepping over Jack as she stalked towards the activation rings of the Groundbridge. “He sent coordinates?”

Ratchet pinged them across. Bumblebee beeped that he would be waiting to provide back-up, Bulkhead shushed Miko when her suggestions of what Arcee ought to do to Starscream became violently graphic, and Optimus said nothing at all.

Oh, Arcee was so fragged.

She sent Jack one last reassuring smile, doing her best to disguise the whirling anger in her spark. Her hate for Starscream – that conniving, vicious excuse for one of Primus’s children – was too furious to be contained by her form. Then she stepped into the swirling groundbridge vortex, passing in a single step from the warm-lit silo interior to the forest where she and Starscream had last clashed.

The forest was much as she had left it. Cold, dark. Gloomy in an organic sort of way.

Dead pine needles crunched beneath her pedes. Pesky things; she’d have to spend an hour coaxing them out with a pair of medical tweezers upon her return. Yet another way in which Starscream managed to make her life a torment, through his mere existence.

There was something eerie about walking on dead organic matter, especially when it formed a fuzzy green carpet atop regolith made from yet more compacted dead organic matter, on which the currently living organic matter fell. The circle of life, as Jack had once tried to explain it, with an accompanying movie that re-enacted a modern play from a few hundred years’ back with cartoon lions. Arcee wasn’t buying it. After all, Cybertronians managed to reproduce without needing to consume either the literal flesh of other sentient beings, or plant matter that drew nutrients from corpses.

Still, whatever the humans’ perturbing foibles, they had proven themselves to be kind, warm-hearted, and deserving of Arcee’s respect. Unlike some bots she could name.

One such bot was the only piece missing from this familiar scene. Last time, he’d been curled by that stump there, optics shuttered from the pain, barely discernible from the shadows but for the quiver of his wings.

Bring medical kit, the message had read. Come alone.

Arcee, being the only insomniac to walk through the command hub at the late hour when the message came through, had obeyed the latter directive.

Still, Starscream must’ve begged treatment from somewhere – Knock Out, perhaps. From what little intelligence Arcee could gather on the intricacies of the Decepticon hierarchy, he was one of the only mechs who could tolerate his ex-Commander in concentrated doses.

Either way, Starscream stood now, the slice on his leg (MECH, he had whimpered, making his optics fill his face in an attempt to extort her pity. Then, because he would never not be a slave to his own pride: A lucky shot, you understand) healed to a nanite-glittering scar. He faced away from her, wings spread at their fullest extent, hands clasped behind his narrow back. As, she imagined, a Decepticon XO had once presided over the Nemesis’s bridge. As he had stood and waited for Cliffjumper to be dragged before him…

Her fist curled, but the accompanying rage was muted. Not lessened, merely quietened for a while, as her processor replayed the last time that back was presented to her.

Turn around, for frag’s sake. The last thing I want to see is your pathetic face.

He’d done it, too. Scoffing, scowling, rolling his optics to the sky. But he’d turned. And she’d dug her digits into his winglets (fluttering with imperious affront before her face) followed swiftly by her teeth…

Mistake. A mistake, nothing more. A fumbling, furious thing, borne of frustration and spark-guttering hatred, a need to ram their fists into each other’s faces that had fragmented under pressure into a different mode of physicality. One she had no intention of repeating.

She’d hoped Starscream felt the same. But, considering the circumstances of this second summons, perhaps the record needed setting straight, and they could return to the face-punching part again.

Arcee raised her chin. “Turn around,” she demanded – then winced at the unintentional call-back to things best left forgotten. “If you have the nerve to summon me like some organic pet, the least you could do is look me in the optics.”

Starscream laughed. It had never been a pleasant sound, but his stint as an exile had done him no favors. His throat sounded sandpapered, as if he’d been crying. Or, more likely, drinking impure energon.

“Trust me,” he grated, pivoting on one long, slender leg. Arcee had never been attracted to lightweight-class fliers. Too skinny, too elongated, like a handful of metal splinters plucked from a crash-site that Primus had bound together and breathed into life. But there was a certain grace to their movements she could appreciate. Even hampered on land, walking on a layer of mulched humus that was disconcertingly squishy underfoot, Starscream maintained his balance as if it was as effortless as intakes and ex-vents. This was especially impressive, considering he had his chest plates open. The plating fanned out to either side, evoking the uncomfortable image of a victim on MECH’s operating table. “You want to see this even less.”

For once in his regrettably long and deservedly miserable lifespan, Starscream was right.

Arcee stared.

Arcee shook her helm.

Starscream, grimly, nodded.

Arcee shook her helm some more, and waited for the purge-order pop-ups to fill her HUD before dismissing them with a mental flick.

No. No. It couldn’t be. They’d used and abused each other for the better part of a joor (Admittedly, Arcee had done the predacon’s share of the abusing. She might’ve felt bad about afterwards were it not for how vocally Starscream had liked it). But the merge? It had been blessedly short. Barely ten klikkas had passed between the seeker tantalizing her with a vibrant, volcanic sliver of sparklight, and her realizing this was a pit-damned, Primus-forsaken, Optimus-shaming idea.

A merge involved more than the spark, after all. Or rather, the spark was more than just the glowing nodule of life-force that resided in each Cybertronian’s chest cavity. It was their essence. Their thoughts, their fears, the slimy little ambitions that crept through the cracks in their psyche, their ecstasy, their physical bliss. Their remorse and regret – and their jarring, tank-wrenching lack of it.

Arcee hadn’t intended to scan for what Screamer had felt, as he drove his talons into Cliffjumper’s spark. Her only thought had been to slake this twisting, snarling scratch of claws in her belly, her urge to pin him and bite him and (egged on by his breathy, delirious chant of yes, yes, oh yes, Primus) hurt.

She’d found that memory in his mind, regardless. And in that moment, she’d known that the bot she was fragging was every bit the monster she’d always accused him of being.

But now that monster stood before her, chestplates once again bared from his spark. Or rather, his sparks.

Dear Primus on high.

“They’re yours,” said Starscream. “In case you were wondering.”

He sounded horribly accusative.

If Arcee left her mandible dangling much longer, oral washer fluid would start to leak.

“Frag,” she said.

Starscream sneered. “Yes,” he said, shutting his spark casing with a vicious snap. “Unfortunately, we already did.”

#starcee #starscream #arcee #tfp #starscream x arcee #arcee x starscream #my fic #my art #hohohohoho

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nerianasims · 2 years

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Things I’ve found online by so-called “experts” about perimenopause* that they say will definitely happen, along with whether they have happened to me:

1) You’ll have mood swings! -- nope

2) You’ll be depressed and anxious! -- nope

3) You won’t be able to sleep! -- Comes and goes, and weirdly, drinking caffeine seems to help me sleep, but that might be the ADHD

4) Your periods will be all over the place! -- Just started

5) Hot flashes, which most places say only happen when trying to sleep! -- First, why is it called a “flash” when it lasts around 2 hours. Second, I’m often asking my husband if the AC is broken during the day. Third, I’m having cold “flashes” sometimes too.

6) Your sex drive will plummet!

It’s a good thing I’ve got a very interested partner, or there would be trouble. Like the kind of trouble Sandy Beech ran into.

I’m sure some women do have these symptoms (though I think hot flashes are misnamed for everyone.) But, uh... the mood swings and “loss of libido” ones especially are actually the opposite for me.

*Comment threads, forums, people like @penig, and my one aunt who will talk to me about it when my mother just won’t have been much more helpful.

#perimenopause #gif

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spoiler1001 · 2 years

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ADHD is the guinea pig of my life, it's completely misnamed and attitudes surrounding their care leaves a lot to be desired.

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neurodivergentrebel · 4 months

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Should I tell my child they are NeuroDivergent?

My Autistic ADHD traits were likely never truly "invisible" - just invisible to ME (or misnamed).

Being a Trans Person, in addition to being an Autistic Person, means I view my Autistic Experiences through a NeuroQueer lens that is informed by my Trans Experience. Both of these experiences (being Autistic and Trans) impact how I view social constructs and systems, as well as how I view both Autistic and Trans People’s place in society. Being both Autistic and Trans also informs the ways I…

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#aba #actuallyautistic #Autism #camoflaging #conversion therapy #masking #mental health #Neurodiversity

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therandomavenger · 11 months

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Great Things About Having ADHD

ADHD has many challenges. Sometimes, it can be hard to get through the day. But it’s not all bad news. I really feel that it is misnamed, as people who have adhd do not suffer from a deficit of attention. We have plenty of attention. It’s just that sometimes we don’t have a lot of control over where that attention is pointed, or how intense it is. That’s not always a terrible thing. There are some good things about having adhd, and that’s what I want to focus on here. Here are the five best things about having ADHD

1. Endless Creativity

Most of us have brains that are just bursting with ideas. I personally have more books and stories in my head than I will ever have time to write. Others are gifted artists or musicians. We tend to be people who have a large number of thoughts in a short amount of time, and these thoughts are often all over the place. This can make it hard to communicate what’s in our heads, but if we can develop strategies to slow down and show people what we are thinking, those people are usually surprised at how many different, workable ideas we have knocking around in there. Not all our ideas will be good ones, but the fact that we have so many of them means that our capacity for innovative ideas is higher than a neurotypical’s might be.

2. Good Problem Solvers

This is probably related to the last thing, but we tend to be surprisingly good in a crisis, because we’re good at solving problems. Adrenaline can sometimes trigger a deep state of focus (more on that later) and we tend to see connections between things that other people might miss. We can not only ‘think outside the box’ we are usually unaware that there even is a box. For this reason, we tend to be rather good at designing systems to help people with different tasks. (We’re awful at maintaining those systems, but that’s another subject). Also, when given a particularly intriguing problem, our Godzilla brains bring to bear all their powers at solving the mystery and coming up with a solution. We usually don’t give up until we’ve figured it out.

3. Hyperfocus

Granted, this can be a double-edged sword, but when we’re really interested in something, we can achieve a state of deep focus that’s hard to interrupt. This is usually triggered when given an engaging conundrum to figure out, or an intricate project to complete. It can be hard to tell what’s going to activate this state, and some of us can’t count on it to reliably appear. For myself, I can usually trigger a state of focus when I do my daily writing, using certain rituals and by virtue of the fact that when I am writing, I am spending time in a world that I control, which can be very motivating. Hyperfocus does feel like a super-power sometimes, and I think if we could activate it on cue, we would rule the galaxy.

4. Resilience

People with ADHD have generally been through a lot. We fight our own brains to accomplish things. We’ve put up with social ostracization, and we endure despite the fact that late-stage capitalism is not set up with our needs in mind. Like, at all. So, most of us just kind of ‘roll with the punches.’ Not that we don’t suffer from self-esteem issues and other problems, like depression. But when we’re down, it’s hard to keep us down for long. We can be emotionally volatile, but that also means our moods don’t always last as long as other people’s do. The emotional weather changes, and several low days might lead to one with a higher vibration. It’s a feature, not a bug. Once we’ve really settled on a goal, we see all the various paths that might lead to it, and will usually achieve it, even if it might not be the way we (or anyone) expected to do it.

5. High Energy

People with ADHD get genuinely excited about things. Sometimes it’s a goal or a project. Sometimes it’s a movie or TV series. It can be a sports team, or a special interest. Whatever it is, our enthusiasm carries us into a high-energy state. This is the good side of hyperactivity. And when paired with hyperfocus, this can make us unstoppable. Our enthusiasm is sometimes infectious, as well, and can serve to motivate other people (if only to get us to shut up about whatever it is). Granted, follow-through can become hard, once the initial enthusiasm has drained away, but that’s true for everyone. Our innate enthusiasm can carry us much further along in a project that a neurotypical’s can.

So, these are the best things about having adhd, at least according to me. They are not a result of empirical research, but my own fifty years as a person who’s learned to make his ‘disorder’ work for him. Your mileage may vary, of course.

#adhd #neurodivergence #blog posts

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sisusen · 2 years

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Heeey, if I may? ☺️

According to my neuropaediatric preceptor that specialises in ADHD and behaviour, it actually shouldn’t make any difference if the ADHD is hereditary or not. Methylphenidate (adderall, ritalin) and lisdexamfetamine (venvanse, elvanse) are symptomatic, meaning that we give them to patients to treat the symptoms only (like how you would take tylenol when in pain). Usually, it’s not something you need to take every day or all day - most kids and teens, we prescribe them during school hours (unless it’s a really bad case that makes them unable to function).

It doesn’t cure the disease, because there is no known cure for the different way the brain was wired, so it doesn’t make a difference if it’s the first in the family or the fifth. What IS taken into consideration, though, is what works for other people in the family, because it has a higher chance of working in the patient. So, if we consider Micke does have ADHD and takes Elvanse, Sara’s neurologist would probably try giving her Elvanse first as well.

Fun fact, Autism Spectrum Disorder (which is my only beef with the show regarding this, since we in neuro are trying to get rid of the different names for it, like Asperger’s) puts you at a higher risk for ADHD and epilepsy 🫢

Oh you most definitely may!

And thank you so much for your answer! I was under the assumtion that if there's any drug addiction going on in your closest (biological) family, then a drug classified medication can be a risk, but it might just be what I read into the cases we have at my work! Thank you for taking time to write this long answer! 😍

And Lisa actually got a comment on the Asperger thing! She said that they chose to use that wording because, despite it being outdated, it's what's commonly used in Sweden. And while I think its so important to keep up with the correct medical lingo, it's also important to make a show that feels real. And if misnaming a disorder is what helps make it feel more real, then that might be a good choice... 😬

#thaaaaank you again for this answer 🥰🥰🥰#young royals

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cloudofbutterflies · 2 years

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ADHD is one of the most fundamentally misnamed disorders.

Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Let’s unpack that.

Attention-Deficit. This in of itself is misleading. I, as someone with ADHD, do not have a deficit of attention. What I do have is an extremely hard time choosing where to focus it. I can focus, for hours, with more intensity and more productively than most neurotypical people, but only on things like good books and video games and my writing and wikipedia rabbit holes and music. I cannot focus on things like homework and my job and keeping my room from turning into an absolute hurricane-level disaster and ordering my groceries. It’s not a deficit of attention, the attention is there, it’s just that I do not get to choose where it is focused.

Hyperactivity. Hyperactivity is a type of ADHD. I have combined type, so I am hyperactive, but my best friend? They have inattentive ADHD. They can sit still, and don’t need to fidget, and they are not hyperactive. But they still have ADHD. Hyperactivity is a type of ADHD, not a fundamental part of it. It’s like calling all cake “chocolate cake” even if some cakes are vanilla.

My suggestion for a new name? SRDD. Self-Regulation-Deficit Disorder. If you disagree, I’d love to hear why, and if you have another suggestion instead! Just be civil.

#adhd #rename adhd #actually adhd #op has adhd #nerodivergency #mental health #adhd-c #adhd-i #adhd-h #hyperactivity #attention #executive function

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wickymicky · 5 years

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i love making lists lol, sorry. its the adhd

#adhd is so misnamed #this is like an autism-adjacent type of behavior #a lot of adhd is like that

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neighbourskid · 3 years

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Dave? Dave.

It's been quite a bit since I've written anything here, huh? Well, I guess as it has been for pretty much everyone, life has been kinda strange for a while now. Despite vaccine roll-outs and continually changing safety regulations, there's still a global pandemic on, and everyone is trying to navigate this reality the best they can. For once, we are all, generally speaking, in the same boat now (sure, there are huge differences between countries because capitalism fucking sucks and rich greedy humans are once again proof that things need to change asap, but overall, we all have to deal with this pandemic).

But I don't actually want to talk about the pandemic, it just exists as a frame of what I do wanna talk about.

As I have mentioned before, when the pandemic hit, I was in the last semester of my undergrad studies and writing my Bachelor thesis. Or that's what I was supposed to do, anyway. I did do a lot of reading for it, early in the first lockdown after university closed and we were all attending from home. I was lucky, I had no classes, I only had like three scheduled meetings to check in on progress of the thesis, but otherwise I was free of zoom calls and attempting to attend university digitally. So I read.

After a while, reading became taking a book with me into the sun, glancing at one or two pages, and then just napping for most of the day, and spending my evenings either playing video games or watching some tv show or movie. At some point, I felt like now was the perfect time to rewatch all fifteen seasons of CRIMINAL MINDS, so I did that, instead of writing my thesis. I still occasionally read, but most of the days I just felt exhausted and unmotivated so I stayed in bed and binged my crime show.

As the deadline for the thesis started approaching, and the time I had left fell under a month, a switch in my brain seemed to be activated and, oh, hello, suddenly there was a certain drive there for that thesis again. Which lasted exactly until an email from university dinged into my inbox a few days later, informing me that I would get another month for my thesis, due to the pandemic. And away that motivation and drive went, immediately.

Not much later I had a session with the therapist I was seeing at the time, because of the hormone treatment I had started early that same year. I had talked to him about my concern that I might have ADHD before because I didn't feel like there was anything we needed to talk about related to my transition, so I brought it up again here. I told him how my thesis was going -- or rather, how it wasn't going at all -- and finally, as I told him about some of the issues I experienced while trying to do work for it, he acknowledged that I may indeed have some attention regulation issues. He prescribed me medication to try out, and -- wonder oh wonder -- suddenly I was writing my thesis. I ended up finishing it on time (even though a week before I had a moment of "all of this is garbage, I will never pass, I should start the whole thing from scratch") and got a decent grade for it, too. I've been on those meds since.

Over the last, I don't know how many years, I've always known that there was something a bit wonky about my brain. There were always these things that seemed to come so easy to other people, and try as I might, I just couldn't make them happen. I, presumably, had a lot of neurotypical friends. I also have friends with depression, BPD, anxiety disorders and other neurodivergencies. I have family members with autism. I know my mom suspected I might be on that spectrum as well.

Reading up on many of those things I never felt like any of them described what I was experiencing. There were certain traits, sure, but mostly there was a lack of what I actually did experience in most of them. Even ADHD, when reading about the "required" issues and traits, doing those self-diagnosing questionnaires, I just never saw what I felt represented. And then I started reading about what people with diagnosed ADHD had to say about how they experience things. I ignored the more medical or clinical information, and just looked for people talking about how they navigate their lives with ADHD. And then all of a sudden it was, oh, yeah this, this is relatable. This is where my brain's at.

Suddenly it made sense that caffeine didn't do nothing for me, that a nice, warm cup of coffee put me right to sleep. It made sense how, after only a month, suddenly a well beloved hobby or tv show was suddenly of no interest whatsoever. Staring at the wall for three hours instead of doing a simple task. Drawing in class so that I could pay attention to what is being said. The inability to remember much of my life before 6th grade. Having to bounce my leg so I could read a simple text. Needing to visually break a book down into chapters with colourful post-its to keep me from being overwhelmed by the length of the book. And so many other things. Suddenly, there was a reason for that.

I've always liked doing personality quizzes. Or doing stuff related to my zodiac sign even if I don't believe in astrology per se. Finding out what my Enneagram number is. Or my Myers-Briggs type. Not because I think those things define me or describe me to a T, but because they give me a vocabulary. They give me options. I love answering a bunch of questions and then getting a wall of text telling me This Is Who You Are and then I get to pick out what is accurate and what isn't. It gives me words to describe who I am that I didn't have before.

And it is the same thing with posts or videos of people with ADHD. It gives me a vocabulary for the things I experience and it lets me express those things in a way I wasn't able to before. Before, I was like, doing things that my brain doesn't want to do, feels like running headfirst into a wall because there is no way above, around, or underneath it. There is no door, no ladder, no tunnel, no nothing. There is only running headfirst into it until maybe, hopefully, it cracks. Preferably before my head does. But that is exhausting and most of the time, I prefer to not get through the wall at all, if what it takes is going headfirst through it. Now, I know that what that is, is a dopamine deficiency. The task that needs doing, the task that this wall is, doesn't give my brain enough dopamine. There is no satisfaction, there is nothing to gain from that task, so the brain isn't interested.

One of the things that I recently discovered and helps me a lot in this quest of figuring out how my brain works, is this guy Connor on tiktok, who also has ADHD. His videos are both hilarious and informative. And also incredibly relatable. They might be silly haha funny videos on the dear old internet, but I walk away from most of them going, oh! oh that makes sense, good to know.

He occasionally talks about how ADHD is completely misnamed and how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does not actually accurately describe what exactly people with ADHD lack. In one of his videos, he calls it DAVE instead. It's silly, and sounds a bit dumb, but I kinda like it. Dave. Dopamine Attention Variability Executive-Disfunction. Dave. I like Dave.

Y'know, I don't mind having ADHD. Presumably, I've lived with it my whole life so far. And it's annoying as shit some of the time. Especially when things need to get done and they just won't. But I don't mind that, especially now that I know that this is what it is. I've always feared that if I finally do go to a therapist and try to figure out what my brain is up to, they'll just tell me that I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about. And at first, my therapist did say I was psychologically unremarkable. But I guess if you've lived like this your whole life and nobody has really picked up on it, even a therapist doesn't notice (it's called masking, I've learned, thanks Connor).

But knowing is good. Knowing means I can learn things that help. I can take medication when needed. And, looking at the grades I'm currently getting in my graduate studies? Hells yeah, taking that medication and knowing how to deal with certain aspects of my brain helps a lot. It is incredibly funny to me that the best grades I have gotten in my entire academic career have been achieved in my Master's studies during a global pandemic. There is currently an actual real possibility that I may graduate summa cum laude. In my MA. That is insane!

Anyway, I am avoiding tasks by writing this right now. Oh, the irony. I'm gonna try and do those tasks now. Y'all take care. Cheers!

#personal blog #alex talks #adhd #connordewolfe #tiktok

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wingedtyger · 4 years

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ADHD is so fucking misnamed. I have attention. I have all the attention. I see, hear, smell EVERYTHING. I just can't fucking DO anything.

#Adhd

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dehydrated-dv · 3 years

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Not quite reaping what you sow yet, but boy, these anons are entertaining. They're the first good posts on this blog. Keep it up, hon.

Lmao you're that ADHD blog?

Only opinion I have about that is that ADHD is horribly misnamed and executive dysfunction/ emotional disregulation is so much worse that the issues with focussing attention.

#stale

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theheroheart · 4 years

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I 100% agree on the need for an "autistic" equivalent word for ADHD... especially since "ADHDer" doesn't even translate to many languages. I think it sorta ties in with the whole "ADHD-is-horribly-misnamed" deal, someone really needs to go kill two birds with one stone here

It sure doesn’t translate to Norwegian. And yeah... Like surely someone within the medical profession can come up with a name that's a little simpler?

Hell, I just looked up the origin of “autism”, and it’s just the greek for “self” + ism.

“It describes conditions in which a person is removed from social interaction. In other words, he becomes an “isolated self.””

So that’s like... not exactly accurate either. But it has the benefit of being Greek/Latin and therefore no one knows what it actually MEANS, and it just becomes the thing itself, rather than a list of symptoms.

#Anonymous

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its-my-mental-breakdown · 5 years

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hi rant here please dont reblog i just felt like putting it here ok -nova/adrien

im so fucking sorry for even existing in the fisrt place i dont wanna live any more but i have made a few promises that i have to keepeven tho i dont wanna keep. i cant stand to breathe i cant tand to even look at my self in the mirror i hate my reflexion. my family isnt helping me i tol m dad and mom that i was genderfluid and my mom is working with me to make sure she genders/nongenders me correctly and naming me right my name isnt my birth name my name isnt rachael. my name/s are nova and adrien. nova is when im feminine and androgynous not rachael. adrien is masculine not rachael. im not your daughter im your child that you didnt fucking want. the parent who you said didnt give a hit about me and my siblings is the one whos working with me thru my depresion and anxiety not you father not you at all you make it worse you dont know the difference between fear and repect between cowwering in a corner because your afraid and backing off bc ‘respect your elders’. you said youd try to not misname me that youd try to help but i dont think constently calling me by my birth name is helping me. you say you care about how my mental helth is but you tryed to pretend that i didnt have any problums and said to ignore them your a teenager you dont know what your talking about. i cant live i dont wanna live im annoying im a waste of space everyone is like no we love you you are not annoyin and your not a waste but i know there fucking lying to me to make them feel better it hurts me bc i feel like i need valiadation adn reassurince that im not annoying orthat im not a nucince but i know i am and i still do it i cant be my self around people i play a part for them i dont even know what the real me is any more i play so many parts for so many people an all different people. i dont understad it nad honestly im so tired of it im so tired but i cant sleep im exosted this afternoon i was sitting outside on the couch and i didnt wanna get up i couldnt i knew i had things to do but i could do anythign but sit there and wonder about how and why i was jut sitting there doing nothing and i hate it i hate my self i hate my depression i hate my adhd i hate my anxiety i had my rapid movement disorder i hate m add and i hate social ineptitude i just fucking hate my self and honestly if you all hate me too i understand it signing off with depression -adrien/ nova

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