#absolute dream team coming up with solutions. peace and happiness. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jarofstyles · 3 years

Note

hey besties, pls do a football player Harry (soccer in case ur american lol) and physical therapist y/n !!

I know absolute shit all about football (soccer bc we are American) but we can give it a go!!! Plz don’t be mad I don’t know anything about it cause it’s ✨make believe ✨

If you like this, check out our Patreon!

—-

He was a little shit.

A beautiful, charming, irritating, little shit.

When Y/N has signed on for this team, being the medic was something she had been passionate about for years. Having her own accident and making it so she couldn’t properly play anymore, it was her mission to still be involved in the game so how. Y/N’s own injury and healing process had her become more and more interested in the profession, and here she was.

It wasn’t everything she had dreamed of, as nothing ever was, but it was good. She got to sit field-side every game, close to the action. And every injury she got first look at. She helped the guys with their stretches, their previous injuries and keeping them from Re-injuring themselves, taking care of them and making sure their physical shape was the best it could be.

In general? She was happy. But there was one man who was a thorn in her side and a pain in her crotch.

Harry Styles.

The man who decided it was his personal mission to follow her around like a puppy dog. Popping up in her singular moments of peace during game day. Texting her and asking about very, very small twists of ankles and giving her the ‘🥺 maybe you should come and look at it…’ whenever he did so.

Not to mention his complete and utter want to get into her pants.

Now it wasn’t as if she couldn’t handle a few sexual jokes. Y/N was a big girl and knew 99% of the time, the guys on the team knew their limit. And Harry? Harry, in reality, was a gentleman. Never touched her inappropriately, ever. But the problem was… she kind of wanted him to.

There was no actual clause against staff members and players being together or hooking up. Nope, just frowned upon. Maybe a slap on the wrist. However Y/N knew, she knew that the moment anyone caught wind of her potential affections for any team member or acting on it? It would end with everyone thinking she slept with them to get the job.

Y/N worked long and hard. Tireless hours for make sure these men were healthy, fit, and at their best. She wouldn’t sleep with anyone for any job, and she was actually respected by this team which was something a lot of women weren’t in this field. She could not and would not throw it away for a good dicking.

Fuck, did she want to sometimes.

—-

Harry had these hands. The perfect hands, in her opinion. Big, strong with thinner fingers. Long fingers. A good sized palm, not overly veiny, just perfection in male hand scales. Luckily (or unluckily, whatever way you’d put it) she got to handle them often.

“S’sore today, doc.” He winced, sitting on the table in front of her. Harry’s wrist throbbed. It was rainy, and it was usually a wreck when it was the perfect condition. The ache was annoying, and he knew she had a solution.

Her lips pouted softly as she gently took the hand in place, thumbing over the part of the wrist where rhe injury had occurred. She had learned a while ago where to press, how to rub and get it to lessen before she wrapped it up. “Yeah… old injuries tend to never let you forget.” She sighed, pushing her glasses up into her hair.

Harry never could get over how fucking gorgeous Y/N was. From her nose to her lips, the pretty sparkle in her eye, the curve of her hip… he was obsessed. Not to mention the fact that she was so gentle with him. So kind and sweet, though he knew he got on her nerves with his teasing sometime. She could handle it and he always tried to watch to make sure he wasn’t going too far, but he couldn’t help it.

He was a silly boy with a bit fat crush.

Y/N didn’t bite for any of them. Everyone had attempted when she first came on, testing the waters. Her pretty face was welcome to all the blokes in the team, and there was something incredibly attractive about a woman who could heal. Nonetheless, she never gave in to anything.

In Harry’s case, he knew it was different. He could see her smile at some jokes, see her get the bumps on her skin when he brushed her a certain way. But she avoided the eye contact. Avoided the touches. And it drove him mad.

Of course she wouldn’t know he had actual feelings for him because he was a giant coward most of the time. He hid his affection in the dirty jokes and the teasing squeezes of her waist and teasing. He was a thick skinned man but a full rejection form her would hurt.

Her soft fingers gently massaged over the wrist, making him groan. His head tilted back and he let it out, hissing slightly when she pressed too hard. “Oooh, don’t worry sweetheart. Y’know I like it to hurt a little.” His wide smirk made her roll her eyes huffing under her breath.

Y/N was not having a great day. She had been harassed by an Ex all fucking night over her new job. Making all the damn assumptions that she was getting ‘trained by the team’ in a much more vulgar way, and she had cried half the night. To say she wasn’t in the mood was an understatement, but she was trying.

Harry was not what she needed today, because it made her feel worse. Her blatant attraction to him made her feel guilty. She should be professional and leave it with. The way she had squeeze her legs tighter while he groaned didn’t help her case. The ugly words of how they’ only kept her around for a potential fuck’ was ringing in her head.

Harry though, he was a little oblivious. Her hands were so talented, and he didn’t watch her face for once as she hit a good spot again and he let out another remark.

“Jesus, that’s good. Do those magic hands work everywhere?”

That was the straw that broke her. It wasn’t his fault necessarily, he was just playing. But her eyes watered, hand yanking away as she turned from him, walking over to the bench. Trying to compose herself was hard as the tears burned so hard in her eyes, hands shaking slightly.

Harry startled, not used to that. She never flinched away like that, never ignored his remark and walked away. Usually told him to fuck off, rolled her eyes, something. But the energy in the room immediately shifted and he was uncomfortable. What had happened?

Cautiously, he cleared his throat and stood up from the bench, licking over his dry lips as he spoke again. “Uh… Y/N?”

“S’all I’m good for, right?” She muttered under her breath. Frantically wiping under her eyes she tried to focus on the paper in front of her but she could feel Harry approaching.

He furrowed his brow, not sure if he heard correctly. “Wha-“

Y/N whipped around fast, eyes teary and wet. “I said, that’s all I’m good for right? Only good for my hands and sex and all that pleasure you can get from me?” She hissed. “Only good for a romp in the sheets and a pretty face to heal your wounds and put on band aids. Only good to make you get off and feel good and then what? I’m left here with nothing.”

The tears left her, her hands shaking as she grabbed her bag. Harry felt his stomach drop. Never, ever had he wanted to make her feel like that. Her crying? That wasn’t something he ever wanted to see again. He felt like he had taken a ball to the gut, hard. Those eyes he adored being full of pain, full of tears was his own personal hell.

“Y/N… wait, I’m so sorry, I didn’t-“ he tried to follow her to the door, stopping abruptly when she lifted a hand up to him. Her stomping had made him nervous. Now she was leaving without talking to him and he felt like a complete dick. It was their normal teasing, but he had crossed a line.

“Don’t. Just…. Just leave me alone. I’m going home.”

—-

As much as Harry had wanted to chase after her, he had already made her cry once. He wasn’t risking it again.

The icky, gross feeling in his stomach followed him all day. He was gutted. Not only has he apparently crossed a line with someone he respected, he had a fucking crush on her. The man was convinced no other feeling was worse than a crush being angry at him. Even if it sounded juvenile to place it like that.

Harry liked Y/N. He never ever wanted to make her upset in any capacity, let alone feeling like a sex object or violated. He prided himself on respecting women. And he had fucking failed. He needed to make it right, and fast.

He had found her address. In her employee file, and he knew that was bad but he needed to check on her. Regardless of what happened beforehand, she was upset by him enough to leave and go home and he wanted to make sure she was genuinely okay.

It was an overstep and Harry knew it. He had to try, though.

He arrived at her door step with a box of cupcakes and some flowers. Gently kicking the floor, he heard the door open and his heart broke a little more.

Y/N standing in front of him with swollen eyes. She had been crying, seemingly a lot. And she looked upset still. Though he expected her to close the door in his face and tell him to fuck off. But she didn’t.

Instead, she broke into tears again, throwing herself into his chest. Her arms wrapping around his waist, he nearly tumbled over but righted himself as he startled. Quickly he found himself recovering, wrapping his free arm around her and holding her. He was able to maneuver slightly and drop the cupcakes on her entry table, flowers as well before having his arms free.

“Hey…. Sweetheart, what’s the matter?” He whispered softly, gently placing a hand on her back. Rubbing it up and down, letting her cry into his tee shirt. It was worrying. Whatever happened was beyond him, but he wasn’t going to let that take away from the fact he had added and made it worse.

“I’m sorry.” Her muffled response was sobbed into his shirt. “I’m sorry for yelling… and saying you thought those things, you were playing and I…” she pulled back worth tear streaked cheeks and Harry’s look of pure concern making her lip wobble. “You didn’t do it. It was… he kept sayin’ that all the team wants is in my pants, and you make me feel guilty because you’re so…. Beautiful, and I never slept with anyone to get this job! Never. And then he wouldn’t leave me alone-“ she hiccuped, looking up at Harry as he caressed the back of her head.

“Who, lovely? Who wouldn’t leave you alone?” He asked with a calm tone. Of course he wasn’t. Someone was harassing her. And Harry would fucking take care of it. It boiled his blood to think of someone making her feel less than.

“My ex.” She sniffled again, slowly calming. Harry had that quality, she thinks. “He-He broke up with me for taking the job. Said… said that I was going to be a personal whore for all of you. And not do my job.” She took a shuddery breath. It was embarrassing admitting this to him, but he had been on the receiving end for a meltdown that wasn’t his to fix.

“Well, can I tell you something?” He brought his thumb up to wipe away some of the sticky tears from her cheeks. “You arent. You’re no one’s whore. You’re a respected, talented and intelligent member of our staff. You so happen to be incredibly beautiful, which obviously makes people find you more bewitching… but I know that we all look at you as a professional talent. They may have tried their luck at the beginning but you laid down the law quickly and they all understood.” He whispered.

“Me? I was trying my luck, because you’re incredible. And I think you’re lovely. But that isn’t a conversation for now. Let’s make some tea, hm? Relax. I brought you some cupcakes. I need to properly apologize for being inappropriate to you. Regardless if it was a joke…”

—

He sat next to her on her couch. The poor girl was better now, washing her face and a mug of tea in hand while Harry had helped himself to a vase and put the flowers inside. Carnations. He thought they were pretty, didn’t know the name until Y/N had fawned over them.

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you.” She said softly, her big sweatshirt swallowing her up. Before Harry could interrupt, she put a finger up. “I know that you were just playing, Harry. I let you flirt with me like that. And I enjoy it.” She could feel herself get warm in the face. “If you’ve noticed, I let you get away with it. I enjoy it. And you didn’t do anything out of line. I was sensitive… I was still raw and I hadn’t had much sleep because he had blown up my phone and regardless he was telling me things he said in person over and over again. So…” Y/N shifted in her seat and used her sweater paws to bring the drink to her lips. “When you came in… I felt guilty for finding you attractive. For liking what you said to me.”

Harry sat for a moment, quiet. So she had liked it…. And felt guilty. Now knowing the context? It made sense. For the life of him he was trying not to hold in to the fact that she enjoyed it, but he couldn’t. It made him excited.

“Okay. That makes sense. Usually.. I do a better job at reading your physical cues. Sometimes I can see something isn’t the right thing to say because you’re tense already. But I was in my own world cause you were making the pain go away and I felt good. It isn’t an excuse, though.” He gently grabbed her hand once she set down her warm tee, thumbing over the knuckles.

“I felt like such a dick. I still do. You know that? And it isn’t because I’m attracted to you. But it’s because I didn’t think about the position I’m putting you in by flirting.” He moved a little closer. “I would never try and jeopardize your job. I’ve been blinded by my own feelings for a while and I was trying to feel it out but I didn’t think to think it was because someone else or a group of people would look down at you for it.” He frowned.

It was so unfair. They wouldn’t care if he slept with her. But they’d ridicule her for sleeping with him.

“I just want to let you know now as well… I wasn’t trying to come on to you to have a hookup.” He hummed. “The feelings I’ve got are genuine. Alright? They aren’t just too get into your pants. And I never want you to feel as though that’s your only purpose. Ever. You have so much worth, and while I’m positive you don’t need me to tell you that, I want tok anyways.”

He was unreal. She really thinks so. How did a man just… be like him. He was a fan favorite and had charm but behind the scenes he was even better than anything they said.

“Yeah. I think I was afraid. Because… I’m the same, you know?” She shyly admitted. “You’re charming and I didn’t want to admit I let your charm get to me, but it has. It has very much. And I like you. I don’t know what to do about it, but I think it’s only fair I admit it myself as well when you’ve put yourself out on the line.”

Harry’s grin grew, dimples pocketing in his cheeks. She liked him back. His heart was ringing in his ears, the shy little look into her eyes making him want to explode. Fucking adorable girl making him feel such intense emotions…. It was incredible.

Thank god. He thought he was going insane.

“We don’t have to do anything in the sense of our job right now. But since we both know… would you want to explore it? I would say privately. Just get to know each other better. Talk. Hang out. Cook food together… maybe kiss.” He smirked slightly at the end, making her let out a laugh. Her laugh soothed his Damn soul.

“I think I’d like that.”

——

Part II maybe? Who knows

719 notes · View notes

earnestly-endlessly · 3 years

Note

Cherik angst!

Ooooh the angst!! The cherik fandom has an abundance of angst fics and I could probably make a list of hundred fics to recommend, but these are some of my favourite angsty cherik fics. I should warn you though, some of these require tissues.

Cherik Angst

Everyday Love in Stockholm – tahariel

Summary: Magneto is the ruler of the posthuman world.

His only secret? Charles Xavier, the human he's kept locked in his bedroom ever since his right-hand woman, Mystique, came to him pleading for mercy for her stepbrother, who accepted her mutant form and protected her as a child. The human he started fucking after Mystique was killed in battle, despite the guilt he feels at contaminating even this last promise to the woman who was integral to his life's work and happiness.

Boden’s Mate – kaydeefalls

Summary: "Shaw has information that we need, and we need him alive to extract it," Moira says, and there it is: the job is on the table. Extraction.

XMFC/Inception fusion AU. Erik is an extractor, Alex is his point man. They're assembling a team to go after the most dangerous mind in dreamsharing: Sebastian Shaw. But unless Alex and the team can keep him in check, Erik's desire for vengeance might just rip the whole job apart around them -- and then there's the shade that haunts his dreams...

Ritual Self-Torture – TurtleTotem

Summary: Shaw is King, Charles is his royal consort and Erik is a Knight/Lord. Shaw is sterile but his kingdom can't find out, so he asks Erik to impregnate Charles.

He doesn't know Erik and Charles are in love.

The Winter of Banked Fires – Yahtzee

Summary: Charles Xavier has returned from the dead -- but is lost within his own mind. Rogue has cast aside her own power and doesn't know where she fits in the world any longer. The production of synthetic Cure means mutantkind itself is newly at risk. And Magneto, turned human against his will, is in despair until the day he feels a familiar consciousness tugging at his own

Us – Pangea

Summary: “Charles,” Erik says, and if his voice hits a pleading note then who can really blame him, “Charles, it’s me.”

It takes several longer moments before Charles musters up the strength to answer, breath stuttering horribly as he tries to breathe. He’s shaking, entire body trembling.

“Erik,” Charles says, his voice cracking, “Erik, I want to die.”

Enigma – Yahtzee

Summary: Erik dies, or finds a reversey-time mutant, or a magical time travelling device, and wakes up in the past. This time, though, it's before he ever met Charles - in fact, it's before his mother died.

He can save his mother that one time (thanks to his mastery over powers carrying back), but what does Erik do after that? Does he stick around, or escape and run to find Charles again (and hope everything doesn't go wrong)?

By Faint Indirections – kianspo

Summary: Erik is in his ~50s, and lonely and bitter. He survived the Holocaust and was only ~14 when the war ended; and even ~40 years later, living in a country that helped to end WW2 and the Third Reich, homosexuality is still a taboo topic. Then one day, he stumbles over Charles, who is young(early 20s) and bright and smart and cheeky and full of energy and beautiful. And moving in the same street where Erik lives.

Lonesome on the Shelf – ikeracity

Summary: After three years of marriage, Charles has to admit that his relationship with Erik has significantly cooled off. These days, they're barely ever home at the same time and it seems like every conversation they have turns into an argument. Charles misses the way they used to be, misses the spontaneous dinner parties and the surprise morning sex and the wake up calls in the early mornings to catch the sunrise. But it's going to take two of them to fix this marriage, and some days, it seems as if all Erik wants is to be rid of him.

A fic about rekindling marriage.

When the Spell Breaks – kianspo

Summary: Erik, a high-profile lawyer with a successful career, meets a 21-year-old grad student in a bar, and within a few short months marries him. He and Charles are blissfully happy, until Erik's boss runs a background check on Charles and discovers he's been cheating on Erik. Charles denies everything, as there was no affair, but Erik doesn't believe him and throws him out. As Charles tries to figure out how to survive and stay at school that he can no longer afford and makes a lot of bad if not plain dangerous choices, Erik has to fight his own battle of discovering the truth and winning Charles back.

The Tower and the Hurricane – dreamlittleyo

Summary:(Post-movie AU.) Five years after Shaw's death, Erik's predictions prove painfully accurate. Violence rages on both sides of the human/mutant conflict. In a world ravaged by war, it doesn't really matter who's more at fault. Charles struggles to teach his students a better way, but what choices will he make when peace really isn't an option?

The Attempt – Yahtzee

Summary: Charles knows everything about Erik, knows how obsessive and self-destructive he is, how Erik would do anything, give anything, in his quest for vengeance against Shaw. But he also knows that Erik loves him in ways that aren't exactly platonic.

I'd like to see a completely straight!Charles, out of pure love and care of Erik, initiate a romantic relationship with him. It can be because he wishes to give Erik something positive in his life or because he thinks it might help change Erik's mind about Shaw, the reason is up to author. Also, while Charles finds intimacy with Erik strange and awkward, he does enjoy the new, non-romantic layers that have developed in their relationship.

Apple Seeds – pprfaith

Summary: Charles, Erik, apple seeds and Shakespearean love affairs.

Ashes, Ashes – winterhill

Summary: Post-apocalyptic AU — When the bombs fall, and mutually assured destruction occurs, it turns out that Shaw was right and radiation does enhance mutant powers. Snapshots of the XMFC main ensemble in the time after the bombs: Erik decides to stay, Moira thinks she might be the only human left, Raven is having trouble sleeping, and Charles is losing his mind.

Warnings: nuclear holocaust: death (death in general, not a specific character), cancer, burns, medical procedure, mutant powers gone awry

Five Bullet Points – Sperare

Summary: It was supposed to be Erik locked away in a prison one hundred stories below the ground.

Charles was never supposed to be there with him.

Tequila on a spaceship – faerie_ground

Summary: In 2014, Charles Xavier gets brutally murdered and Erik Lehnsherr spends the rest of his life mourning his death.

In 3014, Captain Lehnsherr and CMO Dr Xavier are colleagues, best friends and maybe a little more besides that aboard the Magneto I.

The Tower and the Hurricane – dreamlittleyo

Summary: Post-movie AU.) Five years after Shaw's death, Erik's predictions prove painfully accurate. Violence rages on both sides of the human/mutant conflict. In a world ravaged by war, it doesn't really matter who's more at fault. Charles struggles to teach his students a better way, but what choices will he make when peace really isn't an option?

Simple and Uncomplicated – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik and Charles had been fuck buddies for some, but when Charles is in an accident he figured their relationship would be over. Erik's visit to his bedside in the hospital changes his assumptions even as he has trouble believing Erik is sincere.

Lazarus – Clocks

Summary: Erik is 19 when he says ‘I love you’ for the first time.

It would take five long years before Charles says it back.

Broken Eternity – CractasticDispatches

Sumnmary: It starts with being alone. It shouldn’t, perhaps, but it does because, of course, alone is what no one ever wishes to be.

Shout it Out Loud – dreamlittleyo

Summary: (Movie-Concurrent AU.) When Charles forges a telepathic link between himself and Erik, the two men find themselves bound together by more than just destiny. With the world on the brink of war, Charles and Erik struggle to cope with a psychic connection that may well be permanent.

Call Me By His Name – sinuous_curve

Summary: Charles wakes from the absence of noise.

There is an empty space in his room, beside his bed. Not quiet as in an abandoned room, but utterly, featurelessly blank. Like a box made of unblemished, impenetrable metal and Charles knows before he opens his eyes.

The Longest Word – septicwheelbarrow

Summary: "I'm Charles Xavier," he says, smiling from ear to ear. Then he gestures to his wheelchair. "Terminal spinal osteoblastoma, reaper due to collect in a year."

After some time, the man gestures at himself with a sardonic smile. "Same, one year. Lung." And then, reluctant, as if trying to keep his name to himself, "Erik."

I reject your reality and substitute my own. Doesn't really work that way, both ways.

Copy – chantefable

Summary: Charles wakes up without his memory. His sole caretaker, Erik, claims to be his husband, and tells him he's recovering from a car accident on their honeymoon.

Slowly falling for Erik again, Charles begins to regain his memories. He starts to notice strange things about his body, Erik, and their secluded mansion.

Myosotis – SomeCoolName

Summary: When Charles got back from Cuba, he lost the two things which made him stand: his legs and the love of his life, Erik Lehnsherr. Charles can get used to the wheelchair but he won't ever be able to get pass the loss of Erik.

"I wish I never met him" is something Charles says one night, maybe a bit drunk, absolutely wrecked for sure. It's a bit silly but Charles figures out his only solution is to use his own powers to erase Erik from his mind, progressively.

Except one day Erik comes back to the Xavier mansion to win him back. And even if Charles doesn't want to stop forgetting about him, Erik will do anything he can to convince him otherwise.

Das Haus am See – sareyen

Summary: The Lake House AU:

Erik is an estate planning lawyer who takes some time off to get away from the big city after his marriage fell apart. He lives in a picturesque lake house by Chautauqua Lake for almost two years, before moving back to New York City. This is in 2019.

Charles is a famous but very private author stuck in a creative rut, and moves to his lakeside estate for a short while to try and find a reason to write again. This is in 2017.

By magic or fate, Charles and Erik discover that the letter box at the lake house has the ability to send letters through time, between Charles in 2017 and Erik in 2019. Through letters that transcend the barriers of time, Charles and Erik fall in love. Charles vows to find Erik two years in his future, and Erik promises to wait for him. Two years - just two, meagre years.

But, fate is fickle, and time waits for no one.

Appropriate Boundaries – Yahtzee

Summary: Charles has been having serious problems with back cramps in the year and a half since he's been in a wheelchair. His doctor prescribes massage therapy. But when Charles meets his masseur, Erik, in some ways they begin to heal each other. So how do you cross the boundaries between professional touch -- and the personal?

Unbound – Cesare, helens78

Summary: Thousands of miles apart, Erik Lehnsherr and Charles Xavier form a soulbond. But when that bond is severed five years later, they have to spend the next ten years trying to rebuild their lives alone.

Do You Love Me – cgf_kat

Summary: Charles and Erik have been married for 25 years, thrown together by a mandatory post-apocalyptic pairing system attempting to increase and strengthen the population. They have seven children. They have never spoken of love, but change is on the horizon.

A Quiet Riot – cloudstroke (aQuired)

Summary: Erik can't stand the fact that his father has brought home a boy less than half his age.

But mostly because he's madly in love with Charles Xavier himself.

#cherik #cherik fic recs #fic recs #angst #asks #earnestly answers

119 notes · View notes

arllenn · 3 years

Note

Hey there, I rarely check on Tumblr nowadays due to work and stuff but I've played Dragon Raja for a while now so if it's not too troubling, I would like to request a fic of MC giving Osho and the others a well deserved verbal smack down during the final showdown (the MC didn't blame the Gen siblings for what happened to them and managed to save Erii from Osho). Bonus if MC cut ties from everyone after the mission... Sorry, I'm a huge fan of angst.

Tags for this chapter: angst, violence, all bitter no sweet, respawn system gets abused for angst Tw: cannon typical violence, graphic-ish descriptions of death, blood, suicidal thoughts and almost actions, wounds and the like

You’re clutching yourself as you shake knees getting weaker by the second, hiccuping and heaving the flood of tears that decorates both your face and the street under you with the weight of your emotions are the only constant for you. You’re drowning in your own emotions, phantom pains of all of your recent deaths and revivals clawing at you demanding your attention, demanding your time. You’re hugging yourself trying to mimic the comforting action that you remember from your childhood. “Why isn’t it working.” You choke out sobbing harder as you grip your arms. It’s too tight yet not tight enough, your limbs responding to your pleas is a sign that you’re still alive yes, but, but this is, this isn’t what you want.... this isn’t what you want at all. Your nails are far sharper than you remember them they tore through the flesh of your arms lightly. You could feel Herzog’s claws ripping through your flesh as well, everything hurt, you want to go home, you want to go home, you want to go home.....

But you can’t. Everyone was dead, at one point Caesar had said that Black Swan Bay had sunken, so the actual land was probably gone too, nothing left to remember that place but you Zero and Z. God you wanted to see them right now, the area on your head that he had patted earlier seemed warm giving you a small amount of comfort but also dealing even more damage to your psyche. You wanted to go back to those warm days in your childhood when none of this was known to you. When you weren't running around matchmaking and doing everyone else's work while also getting nothing in return, not a thanks, not even a small indirect amount of appreciation or encouragement. Your legs buckled under you your arms reching out as if to grab onto something to stop you from falling. Your knees met with the ground violently scraping at the skin there. You can't breathe, you can't breathe, youcantbreatheyoucantbreatheyoucantbreatheyoucantbreathe, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts, why is he doing this to you didn't he love you? That man, Herzog, had raised you. You had spent so much time at that orphanage, you were so happy. So why. whywhywhywhywhyhwhywhy. You recalled warm winter nights spent in front of the fireplace curled up with Zero on one side and Z on the other.

You remembered one day specifically. Back then you lot were young, so, so, so, young. You chuckled choking on your tears, that day Z and you had spent a solid hour arguing over who would run over to get Zero, that day it had started raining, then the rain had turned to hail mid hide and seek game. Z had found you moments before the storm started. You two ended up huddled under the ice bridge. The orphanage in sight but seeming miles away due to the storm. Zero had been caught first and had gone back to the courtyard as per the rules so she was probably fine. You needed one of you to go and get her so that she could bring back an umbrella for the other. Then you had heard it, the sound of thunder wolves nearby. Then Z, with no hesitation had, scooped you up put your head under one of the flaps or his jacket and ran back to the cottages. All while you could hear the heavy ‘thunk thunk thunk’ of wolf paws behind you. Looking back on it now those wolves were probably the result of Herzog’s experiments and not a naturally occurring species. The souring of your childhood memory made bile rise in your throat, the thought of looking at your early life through that lens rather than just christmas day made you want to scream. Z and Zero were so different from your seniors. If you had been with any of them back then you knew for a fact that they would’ve sent you to deal with the wolves, only coming in when you were a hairs breath away from dying.

But that hadn’t save you before, you can’t count how many times you’ve died sense meeting them. From your flesh being torn from your bones by death servitors to bleeding out in some nameless alleyway after being shot by hydra’s soldiers. You had also drowned at one point, that death had been the worst. You remembered clawing at the water begging for the chance to live once again, you remembered feeling your legs tear off after the submarine had exploded, you remembered reaching your mangled arms out, out, out towards the light that came from the surface of the water. You remember feeling the water force itself down your throat and into your lungs, it burns, it hurts, it burns, it hurts. You had been seeing flashes of reality as well as the last time you ended up in cold waters like those. It didn’t matter because in the end you had died. It never matters how hard you try, how many times you die, because you always end up failing.

You lay on the sidewalk screaming, there was no one nearby nor anything that you could hear other than the pounding of rain on the sidewalk and your own sobbing. Your hand burned with the new blood that flowed inside you. Your mind burned with the scars of the past that it never got to address, your heart burned with the open wounds this mission had left you with. You wanted to die right here, sink away into nothingness. Stay in the room with the grand piano and flowing waters. No one could bother you there, no one could make you do meaningless tasks without your say, there was no matchmaking, no pointless errands, no suicide missions, there was nobody but yourself there, just you, just you. Luminous wouldn’t be there to make you do his work, he wouldn’t be there swearing to be by your side to help you while simultaneously doing nothing at best and dragging you down at worst. There wouldn’t be a Caesar there to send you on every reconnaissance mission with no backup and no direction. Johann wouldn’t be there to demand information on your past like he had even earned the right to know it, like he didn’t need to earn that right because it should just be given to him. Just you in a place where no one could hurt you.

You looked up from the ground that you had been staring at, bringing your hands up to your neck you squeezed. It wouldn’t work in terms of killing you, you knew that, but it worked as an easy substitute, feeling the pressure of your own hands on your neck, the shortness if not complete lack of breath, the light headed feeling, it served as a less drastic solution for now.

“It’s great to see you all safe and sound!” Eva’s voice cut through the momentary peace that you had found, your hands reflexively letting go of your neck.

“Safe and sound?!” You repeated in disbelief, “What part of any of me seems to be safe and sound?” It felt like she was mocking you. The memories of Herzog’s claws slicing through your spine, through every part of you, flashed then the words ‘It’s great to see you all safe and sound!’ Played over them, those words were the last thing you wanted to hear right now. Why,why,why,why,why is your pain always ignored like this? Why is it always your job to make everything right? You can’t do this anymore! You won’t do this anymore.

Bringing your fist up you smashed at your communicator, “Cassell- will...turn th-this into- into no-nothing more th-th-th-then a dream for every- every- everyone” Eva’s voice though distorted still managed to snake its way out of the thing despite all the damage you had done to it.

"AGH, SHUT UP!" You yell slamming your fist down harder and harder, each time screaming, begging for her to "JUST SHUT UP" You're crying even harder now. The glass that made up the outer layer of the screen. The rest of her words came out broken and jumbled, and even if they hadn't been due to the damage your screaming and shouting would've drowned it out anyways. "STOP. TALKING. JUST. SHUT. UP."

"Caesar helping you to-to-to destroy- criminal underworld.... true story- believe." Your fist paused midair at those words. Caesar had helped to destroy the criminal underworld? That was the story that they were going with? Not even the whole team, just Caesar what kind of absolute bullshit was that. You had done 100 times more then the supposed hero of the story, hell Luminous had done more, fucking Erii had done more. So where did they get off on this- this- you didn't even have a word for it it was so stupid, so stupidly infuriating. Herzog had said that the people from Cassell had experimented on you, and while he wasn't one to be trusted you sure do feel so fucking dumb for defending them. At least Herzog had the common decency to put up an air of kindness. These people just treated you like a convenient tool, something to be used and dealt with as they pleased. Something that didn't need thanks or praise or a break because it was an object meant to be used and thrown away as they saw fit. "Re-re-re-return to takamagahara to say-say-say-say-saysay goodbye-bye-bye to-" Your fist swung down with overwhelming strength shattering the communicator completely. Broken pieces of metal and glass embedded themselves in your hand bringing a fiery pain that slowly destroyed all of you in its wake. You fell even further onto the concrete clutching your hands one in the other relishing a bit sickly in the pain that it brought. Your right palm glowed with the same light it first had when you had accepted Erii's blood. Then it started rejecting the pieces of metal and glass in both of your hands. Slowly pushing them out and healing the cuts instantly once they were out.

Chuckling you flipped over your hands looking at both perfectly healed sides. It was like you had never been hurt in the first place. You marvled at them, twisting them over and over again, bringing them to your neck once again you smiled and closed your eyes. You had no idea what you were. Had you always been like this? An undying freak with special powers? Had Herzog's experiments done this to you? It was obvious that your new healing ability came from Erii's and the light king's combined blood but what about everything else? Had you been born this way? Was it Herzog's half baked evolution pills? Had Cassell truly experimented on you? Z said you had the capability to become a dragon lord now, but what did that mean? What did that make you? Your chuckles turned into full of peels of laughter, your cheeks stinging at the feeling of both the semi dried tear tracks being pulled at as well as the force of your laughter. The peels of laughter soon mixed with pained sobs and you were once again back to crying. You weren't going to put up with this anymore. Dropping your hands you slowly stood up like a puppet on strings. Walking at a slow pace one second in between each step you started walking.

----------------

Anjou is in one of the VIP rooms with a man dressed like a pastor. You don't care what they're talking about, stepping in front of the pastor you look over at him. He takes steps back on his own, unprompted, it's a first but then again you suppose that you probably look like the walking dead, and in a way you were, not to mention that you also felt like it. A lukewarm apathetic haze settled over your emotions as you looked down at Anjou. He's the second person you met after waking up, he's the whole reason you, a freshman at his wacky school that you hadn't even been asked if you wanted to join, were on this mission. How stupid is he? He had sent you, a person who had what he described as 'little control' over your extra skill and who had just woken up after a freeze bath in Siberia on this mission, an SS ranked one that he was hesitant to even send his best students on already. So why had he chosen you? Why did you have to die over and over for a cause you didn't understand and people you don't know. "Freshman." he nodded as though prompting you to speak. He never broke eye contact or even showed any emotions other than a laid back and relaxed expression. It pisses you off. Why is this old dingbat relaxing, kicking back and enjoying his time while your'e such a mess? He gestures for the priest to leave and he does. Leaning forward elbows on his knees he looks you up and down before going back to making eye contact. "What has you so worked up?"

You want to cry, its the closest you've gotten to an 'are you ok' sense waking up but at the same time you wanted no part of a wellness check led by the man in front of you. "Herzog said that Cassell College experimented on me. Is that true?" You can almost make out a hint of surprise in his eyes before he starts laughing. You bight your lips pulling them into your mouth in a desperate attempt to hold back your anger wanting to get your answer first before you rip him a new one.

"Goodness no, why would you ever believe anything that old snake had to say, and here I thought you were a once in a decade genius. I suppose that title still belongs to Johann then." You ball your hands into fists. Its more than obvious that he's making light of the situation. Didn't he know that you had been raised in Black Swan Bay? Didn't he know that Herzog, a man who you had trusted, had experimented on you? Is he incapable of connecting the dots between your trauma and your current situation combined with Herzog's words? No he did know, he knew and he still chose to make light of everything you had gone through. Insinuating if not blatantly saying that you were an idiot for believing that what happened to you once could happen again. Slamming your hand down on the table you levied on him the worst glare you could, the burning behind your eyes letting you know that you probably looked less menacing then you wanted to.

"Where the fuck do you get off saying something like that to me." It's phrased as a question but its really not. It's a challenge for Anjou to defend his words, one he unfortunately takes you up on.

"I understand that this whole mission and especially today has been taxing on your team but that doesn't mean you should and can snap at everyone like that freshman. Take sometime to cool off, go outside and talk to your seniors, hopefully they'll be able to reach you in ways I cannot." He's getting up to leave after his mini lecture, essentially passing you off to be someone else's problem but you wont let him leave that easily. Your hand grabs onto his forearm stopping him in his tracks. For a millisecond you consider punching him. Beating him over the head with one of the glasses on the table, but the part of your brain that still, despite everything, says that you ca't do that to him because he had pulled you out of Siberia's ice who knows how long ago says not to. And it wins.

"I'm not going to apologize for my language-" He cuts you off with a tut of his tongue, now you have no regrets for the words you planned on saying next. Letting go of his arm you continued. "I'm entitled to be angry when an asshole says asshole things. And I'm allowed to curse said asshole out however much I want." You step in front of the exit crossing your arms, you catch a momentary glimpse of your face in one of the metal outlinings of the wall as you do. You truly do look dead, eyes lifeless and lightless, face twisted into a painfully weak version of the you that you wanted to portray. You know that in this position you run the risk of your conversation leaking out of the room but honestly you don't care, like at all. At this point you want to just scream and cry your emotions out. But you can't because you don't want to, you don't want to be any weaker in front of anyone than you already are.

"Freshman-"

"I was raised by Dr. Herzog for so so many years and the whole time he was experimenting on me and everyone I knew. And-and-and you expect me to just trust you when you say that you didn't do anything. You expect me to rule that out as a possibility when you've given me no reason to, not in terms of character or proof. So why would you say that me believing that random strangers who I've known for less then a month and who I, if I'm being honest don't trust, experimenting on me is a dumb fear?" You clutch at your heart bunching up the cloth that protects it. "I just- do you see why thats dumb? Do you see why it makes no sense to me? One day I'm celebrating christmas as normal with my friends the next minute I'm smacked in the face with the fact that the man that I considered a father," you gag a bit on the word, "has been experimenting on me and everyone that I love, that he's been killing all of us as soon as we turn 18 because we wont survive to 22 because of his experiments? Finding out that he thought of us, children he had been raising for years as nothing more then science experiments who had outlived their uses. Do you have any idea how much that fucking hurt? I had to watch everyone die around me while I wasn't able to do anything! Zero even sacrificed her life to save me and I still ended up dying so many times anyways." You're clutching at yourself again, seeking comfort in the only arms that you can trust right now, your own. You're glaring down at the floor trying to blink the tears away. It doesn't work. You're basically two steps away from dry heaving and sobbing. Anjou reaches out his hand, most likely to guide you to sit down but you slap it away. "Don't fucking touch me. You sent me, a freshman who hadn't really even enrolled in your school or been given the choice to do so on a suicide mission with other students and no adult supervision from the college itself. I've died so many times sense waking up. It always hurts, it's never been painless, I've never been thanked and yet you expect me to just what- put my blind trust into you? I spent more time around Chime then I did you and he spent half of the time as Ruri Kazama."

'"Freshman you're hyperventilating you need to calm down."

"I WONT CALM DOWN" You're yelling now, its not the same kind of painful shouting that you had done earlier on the street, this is loud as well yes, but its from a frustrated sadness rather than a devastated anger. "Why did it have to be me? Weren't there other students you could've sent? Adults? Why did it have to be me? You had no reason to trust that I wouldn't kill the others. I had justwoken up and you decided that I was your best choice? You didn't tell me anything you just threw terms out and expected me to understand. You didn't even give me time alone to breathe let alone ask questions." Your chest is tight, you can feel each of your deaths, piercing pain of claws slicing through flesh, the burning heat of bullets, the singeing of fire, being torn to pieces. You can feel it all and it all hurts so much. You want it to stop, you need it to stop. You don't want to hear these people talk like they're your friends like they care anymore. It's all too much, you're almost sobbing now, curling in on yourself to try and mitigate any pain that may come.

"Newbie whats-"

You turn eyes catching onto Caesar, Johann, Luminous and Finger standing behind you. When did they get here, how much did they hear. It burns and it burns devouring everything in sight. All the memories that you have with them that you've been trying to view in a happy light, all of them crumble to the ground in front of you the moment you see them. "SHUT UP, USE MY NAME FOR ONCE WILL YOU?! NEWBIE DO THIS, FRESHMAN DO THAT, YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN ONCE USED MY NAME!" Full on sobbing you bulldoze through every thought that comes to mind yelling them out at the people surrounding you. "YOU'VE NEVER ONCE ASKED ME IF I WAS OK. YOU;VE NEVER ONCE SENT ANYONE WITH ME WHEN YOU SEND ME ON THOSE STUPID SUICIDE MISSIONS. I'M A FRESHMAN A NEWBIE YOU HAD NO REASON TO TRUST ME WITH ANY OF THIS. WHAT WOU;LD'VE HAPPENED IF I HAD DIED AND STAYED DEAD? WHAT WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF I HAD BEEN CAPTURED? WHAT THEN?" You clutch onto yourself harder, seeking even the smallest bit of comfort from the feeling. Your voice has lowered in volume, you no longer have the emotional or physical strength to do anything other than keep your voice above a whisper. "Do you lot remember when Ruri had specifically said that even two of us couldn't handle Herzog alone? And yet you still thought that it would be a good idea to send me up alone, acting like you were tough for taking care of the death servitors at the entrance." You sigh, there are so many other examples you could go through but you also don't want to be here any longer. "What about you Luminous? I get that you had to watch Erii, but making me do everything and anything you could think of by myself while knowing that Johann and Caesar were constantly sending me on missions as well? You even complained that I took too long to do things. Maybe if you did something for yourself for once instead of just saying that you will then running away and hiding like a coward these things wouldn't happen. Maybe then Erii, Chisei and Chime would still be alive and I wouldn't have to deal with- with this fucking guilt!"

"Look I'm sorry about the Erii thing but listen, we had no idea you were feeling like this. You should've come to us-" Finger is trying to mediate, trying to comfort you, but it only makes things worse.

"And how could I have," You croak out, "How could I have trusted that you would listen, that I would get a break? You never even presented the option for me to have any kind of choice in how I carried out my missions let alone not do them at all. I had nothing I still have nothing. I'm presumed dead at best and no longer exist at worst in terms of my original legal documents. And even if I had access to them I'm still 20 years younger then I'm supposed to be." With a watery chuckle you continue, "Even if I did tell you if I was thrown away I wouldn't have any papers to do anything, to get a job, to live a life, I'm completely reliant on the college for everything. Not to mention the fact that I know nothing about the world. If Cassell had deemed me" You shudder at the word "a failure, then I would've had nothing, not information on the world at current, not even an identity." You shake your head walking in between them and towards the exit. "I don't care I'm not doing this anymore. Find some other freshman to be you dog."

You walked out and onto the streets of Tokyo. You glanced back once lamenting the fact that you hadn't gotten to say goodbye to Zero. You turned away glancing in the direction of the convenience store that Luminous would always make you go to to buy Erii's milk. You trudged down the streets of Tokyo back to that place. Hopefully you can buy paper and a pen to leave her a note with what little money you have.

The bell on the store door jingled when you opened it. The man was standing behind the counter as he always was. You're experience with father figures have been lack luster this far but you've always thought that this man gave off the air of one. It made you relax, seeing someone that while familiar wasn't from the orphanage or Cassell. He looked up at you wearing that same smile that he always did. You knew it wasn't for you specifically but rather something that he probably gave all of his costumers but still it made you feel a bit warm inside.

"Hey kiddo you look a bit rough, everything ok?" You take a few steps forward and nod a bit

"I think it will be now. Or at least I hope so." He hums and nods his head at your answer deciding not to pry, a decision you appreciate.

"So then you here for the usual?" You look back at him and glance around the store, you don't see paper or pens of any sort. It's a bit of a let down but you suppose asking wouldn't hurt.

"Ah no actually," Your voice is still raw, and a bit choked up from all the crying and yelling that you did earlier, you hope you don't sound weird." "Do you sell like, um... paper and pens or something like that? I want to write a note to a friend before I leave."

He scratches at his chin mumbling under his breath as he thinks for a few seconds before getting up and going around the store coming back with a bottle of warm milk in hand. He then returns to his spot behind the counter pulling a note pad and pen out from under it. He places the milk next to the writing utensils and pushes them towards you. "Here, milks on the house, I don't sell paper or anything but feel free to use that and leave the note with me. I'll give it to your friend."

You give him a small smile. It's all that you can manage right now. Your eyes burn with tears again. "Thanks, my friends name is Zero she's blonde has blue eyes and is about," you place your hand were Zero's head is about as accurately as you can, "This tall. She has a flat affect and seems kinda emotionless but she really is a sweet girl. Um, her hairs long and she has a big black bow tying it back." The man nods his head repeating your description back to you. After gaining conformation he sticks his thumb up and takes the letter from you promising to hand it to her the moment she walks through the doors of his shop. You thank him one last time and promise to come back there if you're ever in trouble before leaving.

As you walk through Tokyo's streets aimlessly, you repeat the words in your letter, speaking them into the rain. "I hope that we can meet again in a more peaceful time, preferably away from the bay and Cassell as I don't have the best impression of them. With lots of love, your best friend..." You laugh a bit, your words were supposed to be a parody of what Z said to you. You think its fitting for a farewell letter.

You meld into the raindrops after looking back one last time.

#me when respawn #dragon raja #dragon raja mc #caesar gattuso #johann chu #luminous lu #finger von frings #fanfic #writing #major character death #but they dont stay dead #its just alluded to #angst #hurt no comfort

56 notes · View notes

calumxkisses · 3 years

Text

I Can’t Make You Love Me | c.h.

pairing: calum hood x reader

genre: angst (i’m sorry)

summary: part three of ‘Take My Breath Away’ (part 2 here)

a/n: hello everyone! here I am with part three! i made a promise, i know, and i honestly have no excuses for another angst part. in my defense, there’s going to be a last part, so we’ll see what is going to happen! please, let me know what you think about it and i hope this doesn’t disappoint your expectations. love you all! i also wanna say thank you to the anon who suggested the two songs, they were essential to the creation of this new part.

songs for this part: can’t make you love me ; whiskey and you ; i love you (choose your fighter)

♡♡♡

Calum was not used to believing in the signs of fate; of course, in everyday life, coincidences used to happen, but he had always stopped to call them that: coincidences. But maybe he was wrong, maybe there really were signs, and one of the certainties he had always carried with him was now crumbling.

First the fever: he hadn't been ill for years, a few colds every now and then, but never anything overly serious. Instead, this time he was hit with a bad flu, one that leads you to take too many medications to say "I'm fine" and that leads you to spend three weeks in bed. Three weeks, right around the time the wedding was planned.

Then, the wedding dress was lost. It was made by a stylist, his girlfriend's favorite, and it came straight from France. She had gone to choose it, try it out, customize it, and then never receive it. Apparently, someone had stolen it and they had to postpone the wedding: her grandmother wanted to give her the dress of her dreams (“After all, you only get married once in a lifetime!” The old lady's said) and so they had been forced to make another one from scratch, postponing the wedding.

And then the wedding rings had come in the wrong size, the church had been booked by another couple, everything seemed to prevent the couple from getting married.

She was exhausted, but she was still convinced to marry him.

Calum, however, was starting to think again: Michael had told him it was normal to feel stressed and unsure about the wedding before the big day, but he knew there was so much more. Or much less, when viewed from a different point of view. Something wasn't right and he had noticed it more and more.

The truth is, things haven't been going well for a while. The relationship was beautiful, spectacular from the outside, but in his dreams, things were different; he felt it, tried to reject those thoughts, but it wasn't easy.

So Luke had decided to throw him a party. A small party, without too many guests, to try to calm the bassist's nerves. He had invited their old group, the friends with whom they had been in the mountains to celebrate several New Years, with whom they had traveled to Bali more times than they wanted to admit and with whom he had spent happy moments. He wanted to remind him that despite everything, despite the new life that was about to begin, they would be there, by his side, ready to live this new adventure with him.

Calum absolutely didn't want to go to the party. He was obviously grateful to his friends for everything they had and were doing for him, but the only thing he wanted to do was stay home, under the covers, waiting for this to pass quickly and for it to finally be his turn to be happy. He was happy, but it didn't seem like the right happiness, he was experiencing someone's happiness. Of an old version of himself, probably.. but when had all this changed?

It was a question he had often been asking himself lately, usually accompanied by a few glasses of Whiskey. He did not even like that Jack Daniel's, but it seemed the ideal solution when all the weight of the world seemed to rest on his shoulders, giving him a very strong headache, accompanied by the thousands of doubts that assailed him every day.

But she was always there, ready to close the bottle of alcohol and embrace all his insecurities, accompanying him to bed and hugging him in the dark of the night. She was an angel, and Calum knew it, she was ready to help him whenever he fell.

The room was crowded, although only few people showed up for the party. The place had been decorated with small colored lights, a recurring decoration at their parties, and on the tables there were all kinds of snacks: chips, popcorn, candies, pizza, any food that could have become a craving created by the alcohol.

The music played pop and rock hits, great classics that would please any music lover and that would be the ideal base for any type of dance that occupied the floor.

The girls were by the window, a beer pong table divided them into two teams, and little laughter spread throughout the room with each missed basket.

His girlfriend was talking with her friends while sipping sub-branded beer at every point of the other team, a smile was on her face as she told everyone about the different ideas she had for the ceremony.

Ashton and the others were a few feet away, their bodies forming a small circle, everyone seemed to be having a good evening commenting new albums and laughing at old jokes and moments spent together.

Calum didn’t belong to either group, he was on the sidelines of all the others, with a glass of alcohol in his hand, with his body in that room and his mind in a completely different universe. He was not in the mood, he was tired, he kept repeating to anyone who asked him the reason for this behavior and no one suspected anything or investigated in depth, because everyone knew that the preparations for a wedding were not easy, that having just released an album and preparing for a new life was tiring. Everyone understood and left him there, keeping him company only occasionally, when his eyes closed or became too glossy.

He was happy and he was really tired. Things had not gone according to plan and everything seems to be more difficult than he expected. He knew it, and he didn't blame himself for it. Everything would be fine, he would be happy and this would be the last climb before a big view. He would marry a beautiful woman, raise a family, all while pursuing his dream as a musician. Everything would be perfect, fine.

“What are you doing all alone here, loser?” A voice said at his side, a voice he hadn't heard in a long, long time, and that had missed like water in a desert. A familiar voice, which would have saved him from every bad thing.

Luke had called you just a few days before, finding you had been difficult given your continuous travels, but he knew that your presence was essential and he would have traveled the whole world to find you, pick you up and take you there. And not only because the curly-haired boy needed it, but because everyone missed you, because the concerts were no longer the same without you waiting for them with pizza and compliments for all of them.

Ashton had met you a few months earlier for a coffee in San Francisco because your absence had become painful for him too, he who was used to talking to you on the balcony of some hotel, under the sky of any city was hosting them.

You left, everyone knew you were going to, and no one had tried to stop you. You needed it. You were broken, you no longer had a certain future and you needed to find yourself, your peace, your happiness.

You didn’t know where you would find these things, so you decided to travel the world with the money you had saved and in the end you were able to find serenity, returning to yourself and the world no longer scared you.

You had missed Calum deeply and there had been so many times where you had found yourself with your cell phone in front of your eyes, with his contact on the screen, ready to call him.

And it had happened a couple of times, as the sun was rising where you were and setting where he was, and he had answered you, reassuring you that everything was going well. And you told him about the beautiful places you were visiting, about the cultures you were getting to know, and you found yourself laughing at the foods he would have never tried, but that you swore he would have loved.

Despite everything, as he promised you, he remained by your side and cared for you and that helped you to move forward. You still felt so much for him, and part of you would always love the boy with the pink mug and messy hair, but maybe now something had changed. Now your heart no longer hurted so much at the thought of a future without him by your side, and you really felt happiness when you thought about their wedding.

Sure, occasionally a few tears still fell, but the important thing was that you and Calum would be happy, even if not together.

“Doll.” It was the only thing he was able to say before hugging you tightly, with a huge smile on his face and his heart ready to explode with happiness.

And you knew that that 'doll' was worth more than the memory hidden behind the word, your badly done Halloween dress and the piece of paper stuck to your chest with your disguise written on it to help others understand.

That 'doll' carried with it all the moments you hadn't spent together, all the movies you hadn't seen together on the sofa, all the moonlit walks with Duke, every Sunday at your family brunches - the family you created with all your friends, which hasn't been the same since you left.

Calum broke away from the hug and his eyes were wet, not from the hours spent awake at night but from the emotion he was feeling in seeing you. And all of a sudden, the room was empty and your presence was the only one that mattered.

Your hair had been cut to help your new start, but it had grown back and your skin sparkled like your eyes, full of life and happiness.

You were simply gorgeous, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. And beautiful not only for your appearance, but for the light you radiated. You had brought back the light into his darkness and there was nothing he had needed more.

On the other hand, you couldn't say the same. Of course, he was as beautiful as the sun and that hadn't changed, but that sun wasn't shining anymore. His eyes were dull, his dark circles were darker and his face looked paler. His body no longer gave off joy, but it was just there, a normal body.

But you loved him all the same, because he was your Calum and you knew that it happened every now and then, that his world got darker, that his happiness was rarer, and you knew that you would do anything to make him feel better, to show him how much beautiful the world was thanks to his presence.

Because the world was a better place with Calum Hood in it.

“How are things going?” you asked, although you already knew the answer. Michael used to send you messages in which he updated you on their life without you and among the thousand news, he never forgot to tell you about Calum, how his life was progressing and how marriage was destroying him before he even got married.

“Harder than I thought, honestly. I'm a little stressed out, that's all.” He lied. You knew he was lying and he knew you knew, but that meant he didn't feel like talking about it right now, and that was okay. You didn't want to force him, he would open up when he felt the need and you would be there, because there was no reason to run away again.

“You stressed out? I would have never said that. You usually never take anything seriously.” You said giggling and giving him a friendly pat on the arm. He smiled and your heart skipped a beat.

“How are you instead?” He asked softly, ready to hear you talk again for hours, never getting tired of your voice. A voice that had become a habit over time, which in the darkest nights he heard repeatedly listening to the voice messages you left him.

“I'm fine, honestly. I liked Thailand a lot, it's really special. In the hotel in Bangkok there was a little black elephant walking around and I think I spent half my vacation petting it and the Thai culture is so beautiful, Calum! And Santorini, what a dream! I’m pretty sure that’s how heaven looks like.”

You kept talking, remembering the Asian sun on your skin and the taste of Greek sea water. It was a dream to be able to travel, visit places and cultures that you had imagined since childhood, totally different from what you were used to. You had missed not having someone by your side in exploring these wonders, but traveling alone had helped you, it had made you a different woman. And there would still have been the opportunity to return in the future, accompanied by anyone who wanted to have an adventure with you.

Calum paid attention to all the words that came out of your mouth, noticing the happiness in your eyes in remembering everything you had experienced. You had been happy, the broken heart had been replaced by so much joy.

He was really happy for you but, selfishly, he longed to see you again with a broken heart, because it would mean that you still loved him.

But Calum was careful to chase away certain thoughts from his head, after all it was he who didn't stop you, it was he who let you go because you needed it, because he broke your heart and you couldn't look for help in him.

“There is this pizzeria in Naples that makes the best pizza in the world, you should try it. Nothing compared to that kind of pizza we used to order during our Friday nights, it’s way better. And Rome by night is magical. I threw a coin in the Trevi fountain, you know? I know we don't believe in these things, but I wanted to make a wish anyway, you never know that magic really exists.”

Your voice kept repeating itself in his ears and while you joyfully told him about the wonderful places you had visited, Calum could do nothing but listen to you and imagine himself there with you, admiring the Italian sea of Naples and dancing in front of the Colosseum at night, away from the prying eyes of people, on the melodies of some street artist. There was nothing he wanted more than being there with you, away from all those lies that surrounded him.

And as soon as he heard the sound of your laughter, his heart expanded and Calum knew that nothing was going right because what was missing was you. It was you who filled his days, who made sure that the sun shone even on rainy days, which made the stars jealous of so much brilliance.

It was you who took the joy out of his life as soon as you turned the corner of that old building that long-gone night of his birthday. That January 25 night he had not only lost his best friend, but he had lost what made him choose life above all his negative thoughts.

As you told him about your adventures, you were careful to tell him only the happy moments, so that he didn't know about the bad days. But the truth was that everything hadn't gone so well and more than once you found yourself at the airport, ready to take the first plane to go back to him.

There had been many days in which you were locked in your hotel room, hidden under the covers, crying over the loneliness that would accompany you.

You had spent sleepless nights imagining him in his tuxedo, with his hair tidy - as far as possible - and with his usual spectacular smile on his face, on the altar of a church or on a beach of Balì, the same beach where he was lying next to you to observe the stormy sea, holding you tightly while reassuring you that you would be fine.

And then the dream would become a nightmare, and instead of seeing you in the white dress, you saw her, shining in her wedding dress, approaching him with her makeup smeared with tears of joy, ready to promise him an eternity of love.

And you were there, sitting on some distant bench or standing at the back of the church, helpless while losing your soul mate.

At the end of your travel, you hadn't visited France. You refused to visit the Tourre Effeil, to walk along the banks of the Seine and to lose yourself in the architecture of Notre Damè. Paris was your dream since you were little, you spent entire afternoons planning your vacation in the French capital and at the age of 13 you promised yourself that you would visit Paris only with your soulmate, only with the one that would have treated you like a queen and that would have loved you like in fairy tales.

And despite growing up, you wanted to keep the promise made to your little, innocent you. And so Paris was left out and you thought it would be forever, because the only person who could make thirteen-year-old you proud was in love with someone else.

Then the words ended and as the stereo played Queen songs, your eyes were lost in his. The outside noises seemed to belong to a different space and the world really seemed to revolve around you and Calum. There was no one left but you two, lost in each other's minds. Your hearts had stopped beating, there were only two separate souls, ready to intertwine together. There was no longer just Calum or just you, there was you, together. Something was different, right.

Nothing mattered anymore and even the eyes of the boy in front of you seemed to have regained their brightness.

His hand stroked your face, gently bringing the wisps of hair on your face behind your ear, his touch was reassuring and you closed your eyes for a brief moment.

Calum took a step forward and you didn't move, his free hand took yours in his and you didn't pull it back, his gaze moved to your lips and yours to his, and neither of you moved. Neither of you wanted to leave, too caught up in the moment.

“Hey, I didn't know you were coming!” A soft voice said behind you, and the bubble created by you and Calum burst. You moved away, your hearts beating again. She was there, next to him, neither of you had noticed her coming, but her presence could no longer go unnoticed. It wouldn't have been fair.

In the end, he had chosen her. His heart was beating for another girl, whether you liked it or not. His feelings were for her and it was okay, it had to be okay. You didn't go around the world for nothing. Your heart was broken, but now it was healed. Things had to stay that way.

You were happy like that.

“How are you doing?” She asked in her sweet voice. Her arm intertwined with the boy's and her eyes were watching you intently, interested in what your answer would be. She was so kind, so innocent, and for no reason was she jealous of you. She was perfect.

“Good! Ready to go back to everyday life, you?” You answered smiling at her. There was no way to hate her, you couldn't. You could envy her, sure, but in no way could you hate her. There was no reason to.

“A little stressed out but I can't wait to get married. It was more difficult than expected but my dream is coming true, you know? I'm not giving up now.” A laugh escaped her lips and joy was visible on her face.

You smiled and looked at Calum quickly, making sure he was still there. His body was mainly turned towards her but his gaze was on you.

He would have never left you anymore, He had lost you once and he wanted to make sure that that would never happen again. An awareness was making its way into his body, his mind was realizing that something, someone was wrong.

Things were about to change, someone would suffer but someone else was going to be happy forever. Things would no longer stay that way. It was time for things to go in the right way and he knew it.

It had been your laugh, your presence or maybe even your absence, but Calum finally understood.

What he didn't know, though, was that yes, things were about to change, but not for the better. He would be the one to suffer this time.

“Wait, is that a ring I see on your finger?” The girl said pointing to your left hand and making a little cry of joy. Your gaze shifted to the ring that now occupied your finger, a small smile formed on your face but your heart didn't seem to reciprocate the feeling. The gaze of the boy was now pointed at your hand.

Something changed.

In Tokyo, precisely, an angel had come down from heaven and stretched out his hand to you. And the sun was shining again, the cherry trees were filled with flowers and life was less disgusting. Your heart was full and not even the return trip could make your mood worse, because you were not alone anymore. The days were full of color again and the world no longer seemed black and white. Your future was full of hope, love, happiness. And you wouldn't have been hurt anymore, maybe, for a while.

A stranger had suddenly arrived in your life, with a happy smile and open arms, ready to pick up all your pieces and show you that you were worth it. He had made you see that everything would turn out for the best, ending up filling your heart with joy and love. It had been sudden, like Calum's proposal, but this surprise had been positive.

Then he had given you a ring, a promise ring, not for a wedding - it was too early, although the feelings were growing fast - but to promise you that he would be there, as long as there was a chance. That he wouldn't hurt you and that he would take care of you. That he would love you, whatever love is. He promised you that everything would be fine.

“Yes, it's a promise ring.” You smiled thinking about it. You were happy, right? Yes, you were. You were happy, you had to be. Someone was loving you. Still, there was something different, but this wasn't the right time to think about it, after all, you still had to get used to this big change.

Of course, the feelings for the guy in front of you would always remain, for years you were convinced that he was your soulmate, but things had gone differently. And it didn't have to be a bad thing. Finally you would be happy, not together, but still side by side. There was no more reason to run away, you could continue being friends now, without excessive feelings or broken hearts.

Calum's world, however, had collapsed. It had rolled over, traveled at the speed of light and collided with his biggest fear, and it was destroyed. Not to mention his heart, reduced to thousands of bits that not even the strongest glue would be able to reattach together. His chest really hurted, as did his stomach and head, and the flu from several months ago seemed nothing in comparison. Even the mornings when he woke up with a hangover didn't hurt that much, because that pain passed. This, however, would never pass.

Calum was in love with you. Deeply, with all of himself. He didn't want to admit it at first,it would have caused a huge disaster, but he couldn't keep lying to himself, it wouldn't do him any good.

Sure, he had feelings for his girlfriend, but it wasn't you. And he had noticed it. He used to believe that the strong affection he felt towards you was just affection, but the months in your absence had been devastating, and it wasn't normal. He wouldn't have suffered so much for a mutual friend, but for you it was different.

He loved you, and how deeply he loved you. Just a few minutes before he was ready to kiss you, no guilt assaulting him and he was ready to throw away months of wedding preparations for you.

It was you now, however, who no longer loved him. And the pain he felt was probably what you had felt over a year ago when it broke your heart. It was his fault, however, that he had come too late to a conclusion that everyone had come before.

He loved you, but you loved another, and Calum knew there was nothing more to be done now.

You would have remained friends, sure, but things would definitely change now. Before, at least, there was a chance to go back. He would not get married and his kitchen would be filled with the smell of biscuits again, accompanied by the scattered flour and your dirty clothes, victims of food wars and laughs.

But now you too were engaging with another person and those moments seemed to drift further away and to belong to a distant, unattainable, unique past.

And while you and his fiancée - a name that no longer made him smile - happily talked about your news, Calum thought there was nothing more to be done.

He could have pulled back, but for what purpose? To spend a life alone? Maybe, one day his heart would start beating again for what would become his wife and in the meantime he would give her joy, because she deserved it. She would take care of him and he wouldn't spend sleepless nights in bed alone.

So Calum drank what was left in his glass in one gulp and apologizing to th two of you, he went over to the drink table and opened a new bottle. And as the alcohol dripped into his glass, tears streamed down his face, mixing with the drink he held in his hand. He didn't even bother wiping them, he was with his back to people and away from anyone who could see him, and he just stood there for a moment, hating himself and hating you, for being so damn beautiful and in love with another, for making his heart beating again just to break it,but the truth was that there was no way he could hate you.

He loved you too much and he was ready to sacrifice everything to see you happy, even himself.

“It’s gonna get better, mate.” Someone softly whispered behind him before hugging him.

Ashton had witnessed everything from afar, had seen his friends in love, ready to conquer the world together, and then he had seen them hurt themselves, destroy their happiness for each other, unaware that there was no reason to do so. And even his heart ached.

Calum continued to cry, trying not to attract attention and letting himself be held by his best friend.

Was everything really going to be better?

-----

#calum hood #calum hood imagine #calum hood imagines #calum thomas hood #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos #calum hood angst #calum hood x y/n #calum hood x you #calum hood x reader #calum imagine #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #5sos angst #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer imagines #angst

237 notes · View notes

ourneverendingpossibilities · 4 years

Text

It’s Always Been You

Anime: Kuroko no Basuke Pairing: Kasamatsu Yukio x Reader Rating: K+ A/N: Here’s another chapter!! Ah, there were many ways I could have written this scene.. But this fit it best.. I really hope you guys like it!! (I love how I’m writing Kasamatsu in this series.)

____________________________

Coming to the mall was a big mistake.

In the back of your mind, you know you could've waited until Saturday to give your brother his birthday gift. You were holding a party on that day for the two of you so it wouldn't conflict with your busy schedules. But you also know that Kise would've complained about you not giving him a gift on his actual birthday, as he's done in the past.

Leaving you in this predicament.

You were crouching inside a bookstore, trying to hide away from the four boys standing about a hundred feet from your location. Of course Kise would be hanging out with his senpais for his birthday... That's the kind of guy your brother was... And then to have his fangirls make a huge deal... Right in front of the store you were forced to hide in... You rub your temples, trying to find a creative solution to escape... Releasing a heavy sigh, you take out your phone, sending him a text.

"I'm in the bookstore behind you... Come in alone... At the back."

You watch from behind the shelf as he opens his phone, wishing you could read his expression... His back was towards you, and you try very hard to keep out of sight of his teammates... You feel stares on your abnormal behaviour, and you ignore it, secretly hoping your brother would hurry up and come in the store... You breathe a sigh of relief when he comes towards you, watching the way a certain individual handles the crowd, with reddened cheeks. You weren't sure if it was out of embarrassment or anger, probably both, but you found your eyes drawn to his form for quite some time.

Until you hear a cough beside you.

Standing up straight, you turn your head up, staring at your brother with a look of embarrassment and annoyance.

"Really Ryouta? You brought your senpais with you?"

He pouts, golden hues bright with emotion, "I..Is that any way to address your older brother, ____--cchi! I don't know why you won't come out and meet them!"

You roll your eyes, arms crossed with the gift in your hand. "We're from different schools, Ryouta… I highly doubt they'd want to meet me."

Though a certain captain already knows me...

You bite your lip, feeling guilty for not telling Kasamatsu about your relationship with Kise. You sigh, knowing he wants to say something else, when you thrust the gift in his hands.

"Here... I wanted to give you this. I have to get back home now... But please... PLEASE... Don't say where you got it from..."

He blinks, watching your posture with curious eyes, "But why ____-cchi?"

You open your mouth, as if ready to retort when you stop, shaking your head instead. "Just... I don't want any attention on me... So go back to your senpais, enjoy your birthday and we'll see each other on Saturday okay?"

He can tell you're hiding something, but chooses to remain silent... He wonders if his senpais are intimidating you, and that's why you don't want them knowing you're giving him a gift...

"Okay... If you say so..."

He proceeds to leave, gift in hand, before he pulls you into a soft hug, resting his head on yours.

"Thank you for the gift, ____-cchi…. Happy birthday..."

You feel a smile tug on your mouth, thankful your hood is up and covering you from the unwanted stares.

"Thank you, Ryo-chan..."

You watch him walk out of the bookstore, joining up with his senpais, almost giggling loudly when Kasamatsu kicks him for ditching them. It's then, you sneak towards the front, watching the four men walk away from the store. You feel a tinge of loneliness at the display of affection your brother receives.. Particularly from a certain raven-haired male, who's yelling at Kise for whatever it is he did...

"You have good senpais, Ryouta… Please treasure them."

When a large group of people walk by, you take that as your sign to leave, blending in well with the crowd. Amidst sneaking past, you didn't notice your bracelet snapping from being pushed forward, doing your best to leave this mall and get on the next train to Tokyo... You just want to retreat home, spend the rest of your birthday in peace without any drama.

Unfortunately, that's the complete opposite of what happened.

__________________________________

He's never felt so hurt and angry in his entire life.

Kise begged him to spend time with him at the mall for his birthday.. Which resulted in them being swarmed by a group of fangirls, and then he hastily vanishes for several minutes inside a bookstore. When he came out, he was holding a gift, with a tender expression in his golden hues.

"From my biggest fan-su… She personally came by to deliver this gift."

The same gift you bought while shopping with him a couple weeks back.

The memory of that day is now tainted when he realized that gift was for Kise…. He should've known... You were much too pretty to be single... To think a guy like him would even stand a chance... He sighs, trying to quell the anger in his veins... But the anxious expression in your eyes when you bought it flashes in his mind, making him bite back a growl in his throat. His hand clenches the bracelet now resting in his pocket, having noticed it on the ground as they were leaving the mall after another group of Kise's fangirls became too much.

Against his judgement, he decides to head to Tokyo, realizing it'll be late by the time he gets home. But at this point, he doesn't care. He NEEDS to know... It's driving him crazy, not knowing what your relationship to Kise is... And why you chose to keep it from him instead of being open. The anger in his veins is at war with how he genuinely feels for you.. And his mind goes back to the time at your house, when you fell asleep on him, bundled in his jacket. The hand he was using to massage your head wound up in your hands, as you half cuddled him in your sleep.

His heart didn't beat the same after that day.

You haven't left his mind since. And it's been driving him crazy, to the point he wants to scream. To yell to the sky how much he likes you... He sighs, almost bumping into you as you run towards the train station. Instead, his hand grabs your arm, and he's dragging you to the nearest park, ignoring your cries and pleas. He needs to know... God, he has to know... Or he'll go mad.

"What is Kise to you?"

The two of you are at the playground, abandoned due to the setting sun and his blue hues are glaring down into your golden eyes. They're bright, like the sun, and he watches them flicker with several emotions, it leaves him breathless.. The silence is deafening, and yet, he finds he can't comprehend what your expression means, because it's giving him mixed signals... It's leaving him confused.

Your mind is reeling, trying to come up with an answer to give him... You can feel the anger, the seriousness and what appears to be pain in his eyes.. That's the one thing you can't quite pin down... Why does he show pain within those beautiful eyes?

You swallow, trying to breathe... But with him standing so close, the desperation within his voice ringing through your mind, you're left immobile.

"I know you're the one who gave him that gift, _____... You can't fool me." he pulls out your bracelet, pressing it into your palm, "You dropped this on your way out..."

You couldn't take your eyes off him, feeling yourself shrink at his anger.. God.. You want to speak... Want to tell him that it isn't what he thinks... He's the one you really like..

And yet... your voice is lost.

"S....Senpai...."

His eyes soften a little at your voice, but they immediately harden once more. He pulls away, distancing himself from you, never tearing his eyes from your widening ones.

"Look, I don't care what your relationship with Kise is. But I don't need anyone ruining his concentration for the Inter-high." He begins, voice slightly quivering, "Our priority is winning first, and I can't have any girl coming between my ace and the team, understand?"

The tone in his voice hurts. You can feel your heart slowly crack, as if he's telling you he wants nothing to do with you... Just like.... your brother last year... You told yourself you wouldn't cry, no man could ever make you cry... But damn, his words take you to the time your brother abandoned you, putting all his focus on modelling. He distanced himself from you, the same way your friend/crush is now...

"I...." you stop, biting your bottom lip before shaking your head, walking towards him with anger in your eyes. It's dulled by the tears, but you don't waver, not when the man in front of you matters more.

"What Kise is to me doesn't matter." you finally say, grabbing his jacket roughly to hold him in place. "You want him to focus on basketball? So do I. Because we made you a promise that we would face you at the Inter-high, and I'm not going to back down from that promise."

His eyes widen at your words, the conviction behind them, "H...How?"

"Hyuga-senpai told me." you declare, voice even, "I would never come between Kise and his team. I never had any intention of doing so. But I will make myself clear."

Your eyes harden, voice stern, "It's not any of your business what he is to me. Because my relationship to him, has absolutely nothing to do with my relationship and feelings towards you, Yukio-senpai."

You let go of his jacket, shoving by him and wanting to go home... You're tired, exhausted, and just want a good night's sleep. To just start tomorrow off right. You want to return to your dreams, where Kasamatsu is running his hand through your hair, lightly massaging your head as you lay beside him, the two of you alone. To hell with this drama, with Kise somehow ruining your chances of even dating before it begins...

You don't hear the rushed steps, or the low growl in the back of his throat, so you're completely caught off guard when Kasamatsu grabs your wrist, twirling you to face him. You don't have time to escape when his hands grasp the sides of your face, holding you in place as he crushes his mouth on yours, a half whimper leaving his occupied lips. You wince a little at the force, but rather than fight him, you ease into it, your body melting at his embrace. You weren't sure what spurred Kasamatsu to act like this, but you'd be lying if you say you didn't want this to happen. Your fingers find purchase on his jacket, holding him close as you move your mouth slowly against his.

However, just as quickly as it happened, he withdraws from your lips, staring down at you with half-lidded hues. His thumb rubs the corner of your mouth, lightly panting as he fights to regain breath he lost from not only the kiss, but the emotions overtaking his mind, body and heart. Kasamatsu's heart races when your eyes open, revealing glazed golden hues, full of emotion mirroring his own, and he can't help but lean down again to press a soft, lingering kiss to your mouth. You reciprocate his actions, feeling yourself floating on cloud nine, until you pull back, meeting his gaze with your own. You lick your lips, releasing a shaky breath, before burying your face in his jacket, cheeks burning darkly at the display of affection.

"Y...You really know how to make a girl feel special on her birthday, senpai...."

Your words bring him back to reality, and he blushes, shaking his head at your words.

".... S....Shut up.... brat..."

Your giggles make him fluster further, but he pulls back, staring down at you with a look of confusion, "You share a birthday with Kise?"

You blush, avoiding his gaze with a pout, "It's rather annoying... He gets all the attention..."

He snorts, pulling you into his chest resting his head on top of yours. "Be grateful you don't get the same attention as Kise… I think I'd have a heart attack if I had to chase boys away from you..."

You burst out laughing, holding him tighter as you bury yourself in his chest, feeling oddly secure and protected.... He's always made you feel this way, but after sharing that surprisingly good kiss, your first kiss as well, you find yourself addicted to him. In ways you can't begin to describe.

"Someone sounds rather... jealous..."

He frowns, blushing at your teasing tone before lightly bonking your head. He smirks when you pull back, pouting at his playful teasing, before leaning down to sneak another kiss from your pouty lips.

"Coming from you, that doesn't mean much..." he winks, pulling back from your reddening face and snakes his hand between yours.

"I'll walk you home, birthday girl... Maybe we can stop at the bakery on the way home to get you a small cake."

He watches as your eyes widen at his words, before you're beaming at him, nodding your head happily. "I...I'd like that, Yukio-senpai!"

And once again, his heart races in his chest, this time because he has all of your attention, and he'd be an idiot not to keep you with him.

#knb imagines #knb scenarios #kasamatsu yukio #tension #birthday girl #comfort #first kiss #fluff

26 notes · View notes

inawickedlittletown · 5 years

Text

Together. Always. (one-shot)

A/N: This contains Major Endgame Spoilers. Do not read without first seeing the movie. (everything under a cut for spoilers)

Words: 5,897

Summary: In which Steve reflects...and does something about it. A Stony fix it fic.

@findmeinthestarss

Together. Always.

Twenty one days. Steve wasn’t even actively counting, but it was information filed in the back of his head. Twenty one days since it happened. Since half the universe was turned to dust -- disappearing where they stood no matter who they were. It was -- there were no words. When he looked at the others -- the ones that were left he saw it in their eyes too. It was grief and blame and none of them knew what came next and it was defeat in a way that Steve had never experienced and yet somehow in his worst moments, Steve’s thoughts fell to Tony.

It always went back to Tony.

Tony Stark. Earth’s best defender. Iron Man. And he was gone too…

Then, he wasn’t.

Tony was thin. He was gaunt and frail and his eyes held the same despair and defeat. There was anger and pain there too and seeing him had felt amazing and wonderful because he was alive. Tony was alive!

He ran, past everyone as the ship opened and he was there and Tony was within reach and the moment lasted seconds as Pepper approached and the moment was lost -- lost like everything else between them and he was to blame for all of it. But Tony was there within reach. He was alive. Tony lived.

It was more than enough for that to be true except that in the time that had passed since Steve saw Tony last, none of his feelings had faded. He doubted they ever would.

Loving Tony was forever -- it was innate and a part of him paired up with regrets and lost time.

Pepper’s arms were around Tony and Steve watched them and the desperation in which she clung to him, how Tony’s face was pressed into her shoulder and how it wasn’t him. Their eyes met and Tony was the one to look away. They weren’t okay. Steve didn’t know if they could be or ever would be.

The day had been bright and warm and if Steve remembered correctly -- and he usually did -- they had been somewhere in Spain. Their hotel had been particularly bad and Steve’s hair had gotten too long and his beard too unruly. He’d been getting food -- trying his best with his broken Spanish -- and the tv was on at the restaurant. It was Tony’s name that made him pause like it always did when there were news from home.

It was in Spanish and Steve didn’t really understand it all that well but Pepper was standing with Tony and they both looked good. They were smiling and laughing and Tony’s arm wrapped around Pepper’s waist. They kissed. There was a ring on her finger. His stomach churned. His whole body was numb. Cold. Tight.

Tony Stark y Pepper Potts se van a casar read the headline.

“Getting married,” Steve whispered. Tony looked happy. Unbroken. Someone else had put him back together.

Hell, all Steve seemed to do was break him apart.

If later that day, Steve hid away from the others and tried to find some sort of work for them, neither Sam or Natasha commented on it. Later, when it was closer to morning than night, Natasha grasped his hand.

Bruce put an IV line in despite Tony’s arguments against it. He was in a wheelchair too, too weak to go far on his own. His cheeks were so hollow and his eyes sunken and Steve hated to see him so broken. Knew he was partly to blame for putting him there and then the fight returned. Tony shouted every bit of it -- words he’d been holding back or waiting to say for longer than seemed possible.

“I needed you. As in past tense,” Tony said.

He wasn’t there.

It was too late, as Tony put it.

“I said we’d lose,” Tony said and he kept talking and talking like he always did, and his anger and pain was so plain and clear. Then his hand was reaching for his chest and the device, pushing back at Steve’s questions and demands.

“I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. Liar.” And he dropped the broken reactor on his hand.

It cut deep.

Tony hated him.

It was deserved. He wasn’t there for Tony when it counted. He lied to him. Broke the whole team apart.

Steve could remember clearly when he’d said that win or lose, they would do it together. He’d expected them to be together. But, when it mattered most...he wasn’t there, making the wrong choice time and time again...

After Bruce sedated Tony, Pepper remained at his side. She watched them all warily until she could take Tony home and away from all of them. Away from him. Steve didn’t blame her.

The thing about Pepper was that she was so absolutely strong. Throughout all of it, she had remained steadfast even as she mourned like they all were doing.

“I needed you.” You weren’t there. He let Tony down when it mattered. Destroyed everything they built when all along Tony had been right about everything. Even The Accords probably — well, the part about keeping the team together being more important than losing some freedoms.

Then, Thanos was gone. There were no stones. Their new reality was here to stay and it felt like failing all over again.

Five years passed at a pace. Slow and lingering like a toothache with absolutely no relief.

The number of times that Steve actually got to see Tony in person could be counted on one hand but Natasha made peace with Tony and she kept up with him just like she kept up with everyone else. It was easy to let everything go and let her deal with it while he went to support meetings like Sam would have. He helped where he could and tried to make sense of the world that was missing half of all life.

It was Natasha that told him about Morgan and showed him pictures when she was born. A tiny little bundle with a tuft of dark hair who resembled neither her mother or father quite yet and whose very existence made Steve’s chest ache. But Tony was happy. Tony was moving on and living. His money still funded The Avengers but Tony stayed away and maybe it was easier that way because Steve kept encouraging people to move on even if he never would or could.

He never asked Natasha about Tony or Pepper or Morgan. She always just told him. Steve was aware that she went over for dinner once a month -- that she filled Tony in on everything even when the news was just about Carol Danvers saying hello from somewhere in outer space.

He saw Tony again properly after Scott showed up with a crazy story about time travel and a way to resolve everything. Tony looked good. Happy.

They were always fighting was the thing. Well, not always. Just a lot of the time. One or both of them too stubborn to back down from a fight wanting to be right or to prove the other wrong for reasons that never mattered past the moment. Countless times when Steve had wanted to just kiss him quiet and have that resolve everything. But if there was one area in which he was a coward it was that one. Fear of rejection or not being rejected -- it was all the same.

Morgan ran out to “rescue” her dad and Steve could see Tony’s reluctance to help in the way he held her and the way he invited them to stay for lunch and Steve couldn’t push it and beg him to help because the last thing he wanted was to hurt Tony again and to take away his happiness and the life he’d built. Tony had a family. He was happy.

They called him the man out of time. Maybe he was just the man with bad timing.

They kissed once.

Tony liked to celebrate after big things happened. Once the new Avengers Compound was built, it had felt right to throw a small party.

“We did it,” Tony said.

“Together,” Steve said and grinned at him.

Tony grinned back. There was a drink in his hand, but it was non-alcoholic, and he waved it around. Steve grabbed his forearm before he could spill it and Tony leaned into his side, looking up at him, through long dark lashes that seemed impossible.

“What comes next, Cap?”

All of it was behind them. Sokovia. Ultron. All of it resolved even if it came with its own loses.

“Train up the new team, I guess. Make this work even if you’re not a part of it anymore.”

“I -- I’m sorry. You know all I want is -- this is not the end and--”

The light shone in Tony eyes and there was a nervous energy about him. He looked beautiful and enchanting.

“--I’m haunted by what I saw and it’s time I step back. For the better. I just -- I’m sorry and I--”

Steve kissed him, a quick brush of the lips that made his entire body go cold with panic. Time slowed down as he pulled back until a hand was on the side of his face pulling him back in. Tony surged forward, wasting not a second before fusing their lips together, stepping into his space. Steve gasped into it, pressing back, his arm snaking around Tony’s back as Tony’s fingernails scrapped the nape of his neck.

The whole memory of it was seared into his skin, even if another kiss never managed to happen again. Not later that night. Not the next day. Certainly not when The Accords came into play about a year later or any of the time in between where seeing Tony felt like a luxury.

On his loneliest nights, Steve closed his eyes and dreamed about it. He tried to remember if Tony tasted like the cherries he’d had floating in his drink or if his goatee had scratched against his bare skin. He tried not to forget the musk of Tony’s cologne or the callused fingertips that touched his skin.

Kissing Tony felt like a dream -- an imagined happening that wouldn’t be brought up again.

Even knowing the kind of person Tony was, Steve didn’t expect to see him again, especially not with the solution and with Steve’s shield. He appeared like the knight in shining armor -- and technically he was exactly that -- always steps ahead of the rest of them. Always the one piece needed in the giant puzzle that was their team. Without him they were all lost.

Steve didn’t know if he gave himself away in how he watched and looked on at Tony as everything started to be put into place. How his eyes lingered and watched him and wished desperately that things were different.

It was days upon days of work. Gathering the team. Putting the time machine together. Figuring out when and where to go. All of it felt like old times except that they all felt their loses again and again.

One late night found him and Tony together. Alone.

“This is worth it, right? All of this?”

Steve could tell that Tony was running on very little sleep, and his fingers rubbed at his temples as if trying to stave off a headache.

“If we can bring everyone back. Yes. Of course.”

“I’ve been--” Tony coughed. “--I didn’t solve this in one night. I was already working on it. Time travel. It seemed -- well, it was the only way that…”

“Oh.”

Tony stared at the ground. “I was lucky. Not everyone was...and Peter--”

Peter Parker. Steve hadn’t even met him, not properly. Maybe once it was all over he might get to. If they managed to fix, that is.

“I’m sorry.”

Tony looked directly at him, his brown eyes so expressive and shining. “Me too.”

“I -- Tony, you must know and I’m sorry to--”

Tony’s hand landed on his forearm, still keeping eye contact. “I know. I know. You don’t have to--”

Later, once it was all ready and once they knew where they were going and what their teams broke down into, and he and Tony were standing in an alley and Tony’s eyes were on him, Steve would follow him anywhere. He trusted Tony. Of course he trusted Tony.

Peggy was beautiful. Steve had thought that the first time he saw her. He was never not going to love her and having her just within his reach made him reluctant to follow the rules. He was in the past and she was right there, feet away from him just within reach and it took everything to not approach her. His picture -- one from before the serum sat on her desk. In the future she had lived a full life. Had a husband and kids. She died in her bed, old and wrinkled and so so completely fulfilled. Without regrets.

Steve got out of her office and walked out, pym particles hidden in the pocket of a stolen uniform only to find Tony busy talking to Howard Stark of all people. But he had the stone.

“I saw Peggy,” he admitted.

“I saw my dad,” Tony said, dazed.

Steve hugged him, pulled him in tight. Their whole lives were intertwined from start to finish, it seemed. They were meant to know each other -- meant to be in each other’s lives.

“We have to--”

“I know.”

“You want to stay, don’t you?” Tony asked. It was a whisper.

Looking at Tony and having Tony just there within his reach made him hesitate. His answer was lodged in his throat and Tony’s stare was knowing.

“I--”

“We all deserve to be happy in the end,” Tony said. “That’s the whole point -- getting to go home at the end.”

“Tony, I--”

He didn’t want to stay. He couldn’t stay.

“It would be okay if--”

“No.”

“But you and Peggy--”

Steve shook his head, but he didn’t have the words to explain. He thought that Tony understood as he reached for his wrist.

They got away. Went back.

Nat was gone.

Forever.

The world was cruel.

Steve looked at Tony and Tony was looking back. Her sacrifice was going to be worth it.

There was some time in between where none of them could afford to linger on their loss again.

“We’re doing this,” Tony said.

“Yeah. Together.”

Tony gave him a long look. Then, he nodded. “Always.”

Hulk snapped his fingers.

It took mere moments before the world was in chaos again. He woke up to Tony. Destruction surrounded them and Thanos was back and Tony was right yet again. The side effects of time travel clear as day.

The whole of it was a blur. Fighting Thanos again, the appearance of Thanos’ army, and then in the moment when they needed them the most everyone back and ready to turn the tide of the battle.

It was hard to keep track of everyone and everything without losing the focus that might keep them alive. The gauntlet with the stones was passing from hand to hand, his shield was broken, and then Thanos had the stones and it was Wakanda all over--

Until one moment Tony was going for the gauntlet on Thanos’ hand unsuccessfully and the next Thanos snapped his fingers and…

Nothing.

It took seconds to realize what was happening. Longer for Steve to make it to where Tony was as Tony’s entire arm glowed with the colors of the stones and burned. Their eyes met. Tony’s brown and wet with unshed tears and a deep understanding that that was it. The end. His end.

“I--”

Snap. A flash of white. The world changed again.

Everything happened fast. Tony’s whole arm to his neck was charred along with his suit. Peter was there. Then Pepper. Over her head their eyes met and slowly, so slowly that Steve didn’t know how long the moment lasted life left them entirely.

Tony Stark saved the world at the cost of his own life, always the one to take the sacrifice play. Steve couldn’t believe he’d ever doubted him.

The next few days were hard. Pepper planned the funeral with Happy. Steve offered to help however he could and it all felt like someone else inside his body was doing it while he looked on. He broke when Tony’s message was played -- his last words to all of them because Tony was nothing if not prepared.

Pepper approached him when everyone was starting to leave. Her eyes were rimmed red and she looked reluctant when she stepped towards him.

“Steve, I -- there’s something he left for you.”

“For me?” Steve asked.

Pepper nodded. “When you came back from the past, he recorded a few other messages. One was for you.”

“Oh.”

“I haven’t -- I didn’t watch it so…”

It took him a few days to watch.

Tony was sat on the table back at the compound.

“Hey, Steve. I guess if you’re getting this then I’m -- I’m gone.” He paused there, his lips pursing and then letting out a sigh. “And I wanted to clear the air. Not that it hasn’t already been cleared. Maybe I just wanted to have the last word. And if I’m gone, I just want to be sure that you do more than sit around this place letting life pass you by.”

Tony looked out, almost directly at Steve where he was standing.

“You can’t do that, Steve. So, I want you to promise me something. I want you to embrace life and stop mourning what you’ve lost. Especially if one of those things is me. You don’t always have to be the hero. You don’t always have to be the man with the plan. Everything has an end but there’s a whole lot of middle too. Don’t waste your middle. Love you, Cap. Always.”

Tony smiled, then, his lips quirked up and then the recording shut off and Tony was gone. Again.

Steve’s eyes fell closed and he could still see him with his hair done perfectly on his head and his easy manner of being, his swagger or confidence -- everything that made him Tony Stark. In the recording it wasn’t easy to tell that Tony had brown eyes or that his dark hair had more grey in it than ever.

He opened his eyes again, expecting to see nothing. He gasped when he saw Tony. The grey recorded Tony...but not the same Tony because this one was dressed differently. He was addressing the camera head on, barely moving except for when his hands twitched and he wrung them together.

“As a child, the idea of time travel seemed entirely idealistic,” hologram Tony said. “Like a fairytale full of impossibilities. Most scientists would tell you it’s impossible and yet more impossible things have happened. I saw my dad, Steve. Howard Stark in all his glory.”

There was a long pause that dragged. Tony tapped a finger to his chin and he sighed, dropping his hands to his sides. “And I didn’t know it’d hit me that hard to realize how human he was. Anyway, the point is -- the point is that if I’m not there I hope you get to do what you wanted to do when we were in the past.”

Steve didn’t get it at first. Not until he realized that Tony must have recorded it when they came back from 1970.

“I hope -- I hope you go back and see her. Stay with her. You deserve that -- to have the love of your life and get to experience life in that way.” He chuckled. “I hope -- well, I’m hoping that I’ll be able to say this to you in person.”

Tony wrung his hands together again. “I know you’re probably thinking about all the things Bruce and I said -- the rules. But, don’t you worry about screwing anything up. Just know that after everything, you deserve this. You deserve that kind of happy.” He smiled and it was sad and mournful. “Always.”

Tony was wrong. He was so wrong.

Tony stayed there for a moment longer, lingering like a ghost. He seemed to be trying to figure out if he should say something else. Then, he shook his head and the recording ended.

Steve didn’t know how long he cried, or how long after his tears dried up he just sat there unmoving and unsure of everything but with a new determination because Tony was right. Why was he always right?

Steve could time travel. It was a real and proper option.

Days later, they were ready to take the stones back and Steve jumped at the chance, volunteering at once before anyone else could even consider it. He could tell that Bucky knew what his real intentions by volunteering were. Or maybe he didn’t -- maybe he hadn’t guessed all of it. The others didn’t have a clue. Sam was almost harder to look at as he moved onto the platform, Mjolnir in hand.

The truth of the matter was that despite everything, Tony’s entire purpose had been to get to live his life. He’d just wanted to be able to do that while living in a safe world without the threats of a purple alien to contest to. The threat was gone and so was Tony because the universe itself seemed to like the idea of that sort of poetic irony. The kind that was unfair and tragic.

Putting the stones and Mjolnir back was easier than it had been to take them but only mildly so. He managed to do all of it undetected and without seeing much of anyone else. Then, he went to find Peggy.

He went to her house. She didn’t believe it was him at first, poking her finger into his chest hard before she cried and threw herself at him and he caught her and held her and it was all just so so easy and hard all at once. Peggy was in his arms -- this was everything he’d longed for and wanted for too long.

“How, Steve? How? You...you...you died--”

Peggy’s face was screwed up, her eyes flooded with tears and she looked beautiful. His beautiful fierce and stubborn girl. And he loved her. He did.

“I was frozen,” Steve said.

She gasped. “Howard was right.”

“Yeah. He’s a Stark, isn’t he? They’re somehow right a lot.” Well, no, one particular Stark was right a lot.

Peggy eyed him, always shrewd and always knowing. “You’re not just talking about Howard.”

He shook his head. It was hard, especially when she took a step back and really took him in. Her tears were all but dried up. Her scrutiny was everything.

“You don’t look the same. You’re different.”

“I--”

“Tell me.”

He told her everything. About waking up in the future and about Bucky and about The Avengers and how she lived a full life. Eventually, he told her about Tony.

“The best person I’ve ever met -- the hero none of us deserved. You’re going to be his godmother. I made so many mistakes when it came to him and judged him when I didn’t even know him. Fought him every step of the way like someone that didn’t understand we were always meant to be on the same side. Everything that happened -- us fixing everything and saving the world and the universe at large is down to him. Always.”

“You love him,” Peggy said. Her hand touched his cheek, wiping a tear away.

Steve closed his eyes. He gave a short nod and opened them again.

There wasn’t pity or sadness in her eyes. Instead, there was understanding. Love. Maybe some pride too.

“You aren’t here to stay, are you?” Her voice had an edge of sadness to it.

Steve shook his head. “No. I -- I can’t. I just wanted to see you. One last time. Maybe -- maybe we can get that dance.”

Peggy laughed, but she nodded and together they cleared out some space in her living room. She put on music. He wasn’t that guy anymore that didn’t have a clue about how to dance. Not that he’d done a lot of dancing in the future at all.

Swaying to the music with Peggy felt like closure. An end.

When it was over, she stared at him long and hard. “This is goodbye then? A proper one, this time.”

Walking away from Peggy wasn’t easy, not when he loved her still. Always would. Peggy Carter would never fade from his memory.

But there was somewhere else he needed to be. Somewhere else that he wanted to be.

You deserve that -- to have the love of your life and get to experience life in that way. You deserve that kind of happy.

The Tony Stark of 2012 was different. Younger and more carefree -- unburdened by everything Steve had done or not done. He had yet to be broken by the carelessness and thoughtlessness of a man out of time.

Watching him while Tony had no clue he was there felt invasive and yet rushing in was worse when seeing Tony brought everything back.

His Tony was dead. Future Tony was dead. Future Tony sacrificed himself to save everyone else including his wife and daughter and this man just in front of him within easy reach was not that Tony at all. And yet he was. He was because this younger Tony had just flown a nuke into space -- Tony had always been more than any of them deserved.

Tony seemed surprised but happy to see him when his knuckles rapped on the glass door before he stepped into the workshop.

“I thought you went on a road trip? Or was Romanoff lying to me again? She tends to do that. Not that I’m not glad to see you. Just surprised, is all? Did you need something? Did something happen?”

He was Tony. Words coming out so fast that the Steve from this time hadn’t been able to keep up, hadn’t found it endearing and wonderful and like a soothing balm on his aching soul.

“No. No. I -- is that offer is still good?”

Steve didn’t even know why he was doing that -- why he was bothering to ask when if he faced reality, he actually couldn’t stay. There was another Steve driving around on a motorcycle halfway through the United States that would return eventually and take up his place and--

“What, your very own floor on a building with a giant A on the outside?”

Steve nodded. He was nervous. Tony was stood just before him complete with AC/DC t-shirt, dark hair, perfect goatee, and brown lively eyes. His arc reactor shone in his chest not yet removed and so absolutely blue -- a light at the end of a very long tunnel.

“Yeah, that.”

“Sure. Always good.” Tony looked confused, a little thrown off. He eyed Steve, but this Tony didn’t know him. Not really. He wouldn’t notice the differences.

“Good. I -- I figure I’ll take you up on it.”

It was easy. Too easy. Tony smiled and it was the genuine one that was all Tony and not Tony Stark or Iron Man. Just Tony. To think that things could have been as easy as this if he had only been less judgemental and less focused on the past rather than the present he was actually in.

He hung around the lab, looking at Tony’s newest suit. It didn’t compare to any of the future ones and yet Steve loved it. He loved the red and gold and how real and grounded it looked. Iron Man. Earth’s best defender. Saver of the Universe. The man he loved.

Steve had only to look at a calendar to know where the Steve from this time was -- the one that would slowly tear the man in front of him apart without knowing it and because of his own pain and his own loneliness because he hadn’t known or seen the branch of friendship offered complete without surprise clauses or questions or caveats.

Days passed and Steve became a fixture.

Tony wasn’t as busy as he pretended to be. Or, he didn’t mind making time for Steve. It hurt to know that this -- the friendship and the acceptance -- had all been there waiting for him if he had only bothered to ask.

Some days, they went out for strolls to hole-in-the-wall restaurants. Some of them so tiny and so well hidden that it was a surprise to know Tony knew about them. One day, Tony surprised him with tickets to a baseball game. Steve wasn’t all that bitter about the Dodgers anymore, but it was still weird to watch the Yankees and root for them. Other days, Tony insisted they both sit in sweatpants with all the junk food they could find while Tony introduced him to a “cultural masterpiece” and Steve had to pretend he hadn’t already seen it. It was still different to watch something with Tony. To spend his time watching Tony’s expressions and to catch the lines he mouthed along to.

“You’re surprisingly quick on your feet with the tech for an old guy,” Tony said one afternoon, eyebrow raised after Steve used a hologram interface without much trouble.

Steve froze. Lies had always been the problem. Even those excused by “for your own good” -- a cheap way to pass the guilt. It was him making the same mistakes again.

It had been weeks since he’d arrived and lodged himself into Tony’s life and--

“About that--”

It had been easier to tell Peggy when the chance of everything going wrong hadn’t been as high. But once he started, it all spilled out. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted and needed Tony to know the full truth.

Afterwards, there was silence.

“I died, so you came to the past and created an alternate reality just to see me,” Tony said eventually.

If he was going to say it all, then it all needed to come out. Especially the reason he was there to begin with.

“I love you.” He paused, letting the words linger between them.

Tony’s eyes were shining. His mouth was slack with surprise. He was completely still.

“I’m in love with you,” Steve finished.

“You really -- you mean that…”

The moment dragged on forever.

“I--” Tony began.

“You don’t have to say anything. This is -- this was stupid and I can still go back. I can still just--”

Pepper was still around. She and Tony were together -- sort of. It was complicated, apparently. Steve had seen the signs, the way that Tony moved sometimes and how he never slept the whole night through without finding himself in the lab. Steve had taken to making him herbal teas and Tony had complained the whole way through drinking the first one until he admitted after the third one that they weren’t all bad -- they were even soothing . Steve had known all along that he liked them and it felt a little bit like cheating.

“I--” Tony said again and then he gulped and shook his head as he came back to himself and he stared at Steve like he’d never seen him before.

After that, Steve gave him his space.

“There are two of you,” Tony said a few days later, entering the kitchen. “Two Steve’s. That -- that shouldn’t be possible. It could be disastrous.”

“So you want me to go. If you want me to go, I’ll go.”

Tony shook his head. He walked around the table separating them, his hands landed on Steve’s biceps and his eyes bore into his, searching for something. Whatever it was, he found it because a few seconds later he shook his head. “No.”

“Then, what--”

“You -- the you from now. That Steve...he yearns for the past. For Peggy. For what could have been. You don’t.”

Steve laughed. “You’re my past. My present. My future.”

“Not for him,” Tony said.

Steve shook his head. “Not yet.”

The moment dragged out and Steve didn’t know what was happening or what Tony was getting at.

“I’m...I could love you,” Tony said eventually. He shook his head, laughed a little. “So easily.” He ducked his head, suddenly bashful.

Steve had never seen Tony like that. But this Tony was gentler and softer and his lips were quirked up when he looked at Steve again.

His second kiss with Tony felt inevitable. It was soft. Cautious and curious -- Tony’s exploration into what if. Steve didn’t even know who leaned in first or how his hands ended up in Tony’s hair. Just that it happened.

Tony didn’t taste like cherries. He tasted like herbal tea and a hint of chocolate. His goatee didn’t scratch. His lips were just a bit chapped, but they fit perfectly on Steve’s and the whole world -- all of reality and time itself could have collapsed and Steve would have stayed in that moment. Forever.

Tony was the one that called Steve -- that time’s Steve -- and asked him to meet.

Stubborn and self-righteous, that Steve came anyway. If out of sheer curiosity or because he felt bound to after the events of New York. It didn’t matter.

Steve stayed out of the way, out of sight until Tony finished telling him. Seeing himself -- this younger version that was so jaded and upset and who just didn’t understand or get that being angry at the world and himself for what happened to him wasn’t going to fix anything -- was more difficult than he’d expected.

“Hey, Steve, seeing him now, I don’t know how I didn’t catch on you weren’t really him,” Tony said eventually, his cue to show himself.

They weren’t all that different in how they looked, but there were noticeable differences once they were next to each other.

“So, you’re me,” this time’s Steve said.

“In a way. Tony explained what he could. We can send you back. Tell you a few things that might help you along the way. You can be with Peggy.”

That Steve’s eyes lit up. He felt hope.

Steve shouldn’t have been surprised that Tony was right. That Steve hadn’t been in the future for too long. His entire life -- everything he knew -- was still in the past. It didn’t take long to tell him about Bucky and Hydra infiltrating Shield. Other bigger details too and then that was that and they got him on his way.

“You told me to be happy,” Steve told Tony after it was all done. “To live my life and be happy. I think this -- us -- it isn’t what he meant. I don’t know if he ever knew how I felt, but--”

“I know,” Tony said.

Their fingers were intertwined. It was as it should be.

In another reality another Steve danced with Peggy.

In another, Steve delivered a shield. Tony watched from behind a tree. And after Sam and Bucky were gone, Tony walked to the bench.

“Regrets?” Tony asked.

“No. Nice to see them -- this version of them.”

Tony kissed his cheek, leaned his head into Steve’s shoulder and they looked out on the lake, lingering in his original reality, but ready to go back to the one that he’d made into his home.

#stony #endgame fic #endgame spoilers #stony fic #mcu #marvel #mcu fic #spoilers #fix it fic #steve and tony #stevextony #steve and tony fic

76 notes · View notes

smallerthanzer0 · 5 years

Text

so i finally watched endgame

and my brain hurts now. spoilery rambling under the cut:

me @ everything Clint did in the first half of this movie, despite recognizing that the movie intentionally started with his family being dusted to make his vengeance (?) spree seem a little more justified:

after the amazing scene of paper football with Tony and Nebula (you know what would have been a cool thread to carry through to the end of the movie? THAT. Tony throwing the gauntlet to Nebula and her flicking it up and into the van like her first attempt at being the goalpost would have delighted me so much), the first part of the movie was... bad?

Tony with a wheelchair and IV being bombarded with exactly how much Earth had lost and completely shutting down had me B R O K E

like, I love MCU fanfiction, I live for those quiet reflective moments, but nothing about this was fun - not Professor Hulk, not depressed Thor, not Steve and Natasha still looking for solutions five years in - and by fun I mean ‘adheres to the things I liked about these characters in any way, shape, or form’

this movie happens because of a RAT

Tony and Pepper and Morgan are an adorable family and everything about what happened to them in this movie breaks my heart. he’s such a good dad they should have let him live and be a good dad. the conversation between him and Pepper about not being able to just sit on a solution was lovely though

i. okay. this is probably just me but I am salty about what they’ve done with Bruce Banner. His entire character in these movies was the balance between Banner and the Hulk, being anxious about who he could trust and what people wanted from him, and they don’t even care to resolve that in the movie other than a couple throwaway lines - and those lines are ‘i decided to stop fighting the hulk and become large and green permanently but I’m still smart and everything is fine now’. he’s a popular celebrity now whose capacity as a scientist is reduced to playing second fiddle to Tony Stark. I know these movies care more about tech than biological science but... he’s a genius too... let him be smart and actually work with Tony on things please...

like, give me just one scene of Tony’s solution not entirely handling the biological constraints of human being and Bruce fixing it for him. one scene with the two of them reflecting on how Tony’s given Bruce funding and a lab and gets someone who can understand his technobabble in return. come on

i understand that it’s completely possible for Ragnarok Thor to devolve into Endgame Thor, depression is powerful and it sucks, but they didn’t have to make him dumb. Either acknowledge that Infinity War broke him and let the people who care about him help, or don’t break him in the first place! i feel like even a Thor who had deemed himself unworthy of caring for his people would have just left entirely to wallow elsewhere, not stuck around to be an extremely visible disappointment to people who trusted him

and then

they had that scene with a subset of Avengers crowded onto couches and lying on table late into the night, planning a time heist, and I was HOOKED. this is literally everything I’ve ever wanted from an Avengers movie

Scott is the MVP for bringing us time heist. this part of the movie banged

i’m still furious about Thor just ABANDONING Rocket in an unfamiliar time and place but. you know what. i’ll live.

everything about the 2012 team was amazing (except 2012 Hulk, why is he allowed to be out during sensitive material transfers but not take the elevator?). ‘yeah, yeah, i know.’ Loki being the only one who spots this nonsense going down. Captain America’s total disregard for a clean fight that doesn’t destroy several stories’ worth of property.

were there other ways to get Pym particles? yes. did I enjoy Tony getting to meet his father and coming to peace with his past that made me sure he was going to die? eh. do I need more content of Steve and Tony, heist partners? absolutely.

this movie was so rude to Peter Quill, but I was so overjoyed at getting to see the GOTG opening again that it took a while to sink in

I love everything about Nebula’s prominence in this movie except the fact that she didn’t get to stab Thanos even ONCE. Her being an integral part of the team, past vs. present Nebula getting entangled, getting to see Gamora again and inspiring her growth this time around - Perfect. Stunning. Give that girl a trophy and the found family she deserves

au where they send Steve to get the Soul Stone and shit goes down please

I’m sad about Vormir but oh, do I love how they handled it. This is the best scene Natasha has in the entire MCU imo - she makes a conscious decision to die for the goal and her best friend, chooses it again and again, brings her life full circle outside of what she’s been given in previous movies. What a badass.

I really thought Rocket was going to tell them that holding the Infinity Stones as a group would make them less dangerous, the way the Guardians did with the Power Stone, and they would... win together. I guess they just needed another gauntlet for Thanos to almost get on

Steve gets Mjolnir for the singular purpose of allowing them to put a 1:1 fight between him and Thanos in that lasts more than three seconds. loling at him getting to keep it for the rest of the fight though. someone needed a power-up :)

look. even if I hated EVERYTHING else about this movie, that scene of Steve getting up one last time with a broken shield, ready to die standing, and having Sam’s voice crackle in his ear would make this worth rewatching. those portal openings were legendary.

hot potato with the Gauntlet fulfilled my Infinity War dreams, i can leave the MCU happy now

don’t give the danger glove that every single member of the opposing force will kill for on sight to the sixteen-year old please

once again crying over Peter Quill losing the love of his life, finding her on the battlefield, and being literally kicked in the nuts for it

RESCUE

Captain Marvel getting headsmacked by Thanos and not even budging made my entire day

and then that happened

i don’t even want to talk about it we could have had a happy ending and instead we went back to the Bad Movie from the first hour

and then they decide to make fun of Peter Quill one more time for good measure. fight me.

i’m not devastated, i saw it coming, but just... it didn’t need to happen. They could have given him a family and a home and peace but instead we get tragedy. a valid ending, but ow

they could have at least done the respectful thing and ended on him instead of finishing the funeral and going on to ‘Steve escapes his friends to pick up a dance and a picket fence life’ lmao

#mcu #avengers endgame #endgame spoilers #bruce banner #neg shouts into the void #about movies #the movie wasn't terrible but as a person who loves both bruce banner and peter quill it was rough #marvel

2 notes · View notes

brakken · 7 years

Text

Replayed Life is Strange ep. 5, thoughts below.

Buckle in - I had a lot to say.

I was nervous about revisiting this one. The first time I played, this ending wrecked me. And I mean wrecked. I was in tears for hours. I had trouble sleeping for weeks. I couldn’t think about the game without wanting to cry. I wanted to draw fan art for it, but couldn’t without breaking down. In many ways, I’m still affected by it. This game changed me.

So, I was nervous. And not just because of how hard it hit me the first time, but I was nervous about how I’d react in replaying. Would I notice something I didn’t the first time, that would ruin the experience for me? Would I cry as much? And if I didn’t, would that mean that I didn’t like it as much? How much of that original feeling was satisfaction, and how much was disappointment?

-spoilers ahead for LiS Ep. 5-

I touched on this very briefly last time, but I want to talk about it further here, where it comes more into play:

I do not like the Jefferson twist. Coupled with Rachel’s death, it is a shallow and uninteresting answer to her disappearance, regardless of their attempts to pretty it up with the Prescott’s involvement. Strip away the red herrings and tangled threads, and what you’re left with is a dead girl and a murderer. Jefferson becomes unrecognisable in his unveiled role - his tropey villain dialogue and mannerisms separate him so far from his earlier scenes that it may as well have been an all-new person. Maybe this was the intention, but it reads to me as utterly cliche. How frightening would he have been, had he kept his familiar composure? How much more menacing, now that his mannerisms are given a horrific context?

Even within the narrative, his portrayal in this episode feels completely wrong. Jefferson goes from a man with a sick passion for capturing true innocence, to one willing to murder multiple people. It is never understood that murder is part of his pattern. Rachel’s death was an accident at Nathan’s hands, yet now we have Jefferson killing him, Chloe, Victoria, and the intention to kill Max, all with nary a hint of remorse or doubt. He is just the bad guy now - plain and simple. And in a game where so much else is designed to be not so clean-cut, that’s... pretty boring.

With that out of the way, I do think the scenes themselves are done well. Awakening in the dark room is genuinely tense and scary - moreso with Victoria present. Desperately hopping in and out of photographs to different moments of captivity is incredibly effective - it packs on such helplessness and danger.

And even while not being thrilled with Jefferson as the villain, and while understanding it would soon fall apart, it is incredibly satisfying to help Max attain the following victories via time-hopping. A lot of the game focuses on retreading conversations with new information, and consequently, Max displays boosted confidence upon these repetitions. Returning to the first scene is where this is at its peak. She knows everything - and she’s powerful. It’s also in parts like this where I would like to applaud the designers for having a clear vision from the outset (even if I wasn’t entirely thrilled with aspects of that vision).

A really strong story-telling tool is introducing a solution before the problem arrives, to trick the audience into thinking it’s unimportant until the reveal. Having us take the selfie right at the start of the game is a great use of this. What seemed like just a moment in a scene becomes absolutely vital - but only after we discover we can rewind with photographs. (this is also why the ep.4 Warren moment feels so weirdly deliberate. We already know how her powers work by this point so we’re paying attention every time a new photo is taken.)

I’d been put the ending off for a while.

Once I played up to the art gallery, I took a break and then just... left it there. Left Max in a peaceful moment.

I wasn’t ready.

But lately it seemed like the real world was telling me to return to it. After a week with no breeze, the wind began picking up, and it looked like there could be rain. I found myself idly doodling Chloe and Max in my intervals between work. I had someone here ask me if I’d be writing thoughts for episode 5. I was discovering new music that aligned all too well with where I was at with the characters.

So, I finally decided it was time, and sat down, and finished playing. Only the next morning did I realise I’d done so on October 11, the in-game day of the storm.

Before moving into the next act of the episode, I want to say I really appreciate the way they’ve sculpted so many different ways to apply Max’s rewind power. It’s great that they’re able to keep surprising me while not emptying their cache too quickly. However, I reaaally wish (and was expecting) that time-freezing would make a return in this finale. It’s used well in ep.2 with Kate, but I feel like it introduced a new threat that is never paid off. Once it’s established that Max’s power can weaken her to the point where it doesn’t function, there is now a looming danger for when that will happen again - maybe this time, the cost will be Chloe, or the town, or even Max herself. But it never does. The closest we get is when Chloe is shot at the end of ep.4, but the power's failure is more directly from Jefferson’s sedation, rather than a weakness on Max’s part. And when she does falter again, it manifests as a prolonged out-of-nowhere dream sequence. There’s some creative stuff present there, but it also stands as a missed opportunity to toy further with tangible peril.

On with the escape. Don’t have much to say here. I may not have been happy with his new portrayal, but it’s still satisfying to watch Jefferson get taken down. It’s nice to see David on the same team as Max, and it’s a good start to a series of character farewell scenes.

Followed closely by a bad one.

Nathan is thrown to the wayside to an unforgivable degree here. He’s been pivotal in Max and Chloe’s connection uptil now, even though a lot of that happens off-screen. But as soon as he’s no longer the main threat, his presence, character, and life are all discarded. His phone message in the car provides some closure, but is far too little too late and serves more as insult to injury than any kind of saving face.

Meanwhile, Warren, a character with more screentime than Nathan but of relative unimportance to the main story, is given a spotlighted farewell. I don’t get this. I have no harsh feelings against Warren, but insofar as his relevance to Max and Chloe’s arcs, he is a sideliner. Since his primary presence has centred around a potential romance for Max, his farewell scene should be treated with an equal amount of focus. It really annoys me that you are forced to tell him about Max’s powers - there is no way to opt out of it, and all it leads to is him guilt-tripping Max with ‘Chaos Theory’ and ‘choosing the right thing’, which the game is about to throw at us anyway in the dream sequence. It’s also unjust to the scene’s purpose, which is a farewell. We may not fully know it, but we’re saying goodbye to these characters one by one. We’ve just come away from our farewells with Joyce and Frank, and all Warren wants to do is talk plot. But whatevs, I still hugged him.

The confession about letting William die was painful. I wasn’t predicting it to come up again, and by this point it felt like so long ago. And yet, it works. We’ve returned to a Chloe who’s early off of discovering Rachel’s death - and she doesn’t want to listen. And we need her to listen. Most conversations in the game can’t lead to a failure, but I find it really interesting that this one does.

I’m very conflicted about the dream sequence. Conceptually, I love it. I love when games mess with their established order, and they’re certainly evoking a feeling of helplessness in me upon returning once again to that damn classroom. But, it rubs me the wrong way here, too. We’ve beaten the mini-boss of the game. We defeated Jefferson. Yet the final time we see him is here, forcing us to say words we don’t want to, and watch him take photos of Chloe with us strapped to a chair. I get this is Max internalising her insecurities... but we beat him. We’re onto the final boss, now - the storm. Jefferson is obsolete at this point, and there’s no rhyme or reason to show him in power again.

(sidebar: the bottle-collecting in the hide-and-seek segment was confusing and dumb and made me angry that they were still injecting completion rewards this late in the story)

I also don’t like the Dark Room sequence of the dream, because it villainises Chloe. All the other sequences present us with twisted versions of Arcadia Bay residents. Dead versions, cruel versions. We’re witnessing the weight of guilt that coincides with the coming choice, culminating in an encounter with the Other Max, and Chloe saving us from her. This should have been Chloe’s first appearance in the dream. The Dark Room sequence where she jeers at Max’s shortcomings seems so out of place with the rest of what is being said. I think this is especially noticeable given the following walk down memory lane, showing us everything we’ll lose on the alternate side of the choice.

(sidebar: I wish that the walk had been done better - I never knew when to stop and listen to the voiceovers and when to continue onto the next highlighted moment, and it was always jarring whenever the dialogue got interrupted)

I was fully ready for Rachel to appear in this dream, in some form or another. With everything culminating, and Max messing more with time, coupled with how blunt they were to put Rachel in the ground in the previous ep, I was waiting and I was hoping. But she never showed. And I don’t understand why. As I said with Nathan, Rachel is integral in the centric plotline of Max and Chloe’s reunion. I need to stress this - even though she’s never seen on-screen, she is a dominating factor in our two main characters’ growth, and is little more than a footnote in this finale.

What we get instead at the end of this dream, is Other Max. I don’t have much to say about her. In my eyes she’s very much just a culmination of the dream thusfar. She doesn’t represent much to me beyond that, except a missed opportunity to meet Rachel and find out what the hell is going on.

Can we touch on that quickly, before the final scene? What the hell is going on? I don’t want to have everything bluntly spelled out, but... did the designers really feel like they’d laid enough groundwork that the answer should be obvious? When Chloe hamfistedly states it’s a mystery we’ll ‘obviously never figure out’... damn. That hurts. I mean, I have my own theory - I like it, and it’s the lens I choose to view the story through. But it’s unfair to put it on the players to do this heavy-lifting. We relied on the designers to draw the path for us to follow, and they took us to a dead end.

So let’s talk about the final choice. Even in replaying, and with the dream sequence’s attempts to balance the scales last-minute, my decision here still remained the same, for a couple of reasons. The first being the game’s true title, as I have mentioned earlier - ‘Save Chloe: The Game’. And hey, this doesn’t suddenly change in the final episode. This was, for me, the fixed goal as soon as I caught onto it. And to save Chloe here, she needs to be able to live past her grief. Contrasted to the alternate Chloe, whose prison was inescapable - saving her came from letting her go. But here, we need to hold on.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

My second main reason is Max’s character growth, and the overall narrative. This young girl is warned of a coming storm, and is then given time-altering powers. And she is constantly asking why. Not just why she got powers, but what she is meant to learn from having them. On the surface, what she learns is ‘don’t mess with time a bunch because a storm will happen’ and with that you can lean either way on the choice. But if I was going to carve right to the heart, I see the story saying ‘you can’t fix all your mistakes, but you can move through the consequences and grow in the aftermath.’ Every problem she's faced in the story uptil this point, she has tampered with to some degree in order to solve. And to do so, again, for this final decision, would make her arc amount to nothing. This needs to be different from letting William die, otherwise the game could have ended there. There is no easy decision, but the storm is here. All the pieces lie where they fell, both good and bad.

I’m tearing this damn photograph.

All that said, I can’t and won’t fault anyone for going the other way. I haven’t played or watched the alternate ending, so far all I know it performs well and ticks story checkboxes that I can’t see over here on the ‘bae’ side.

This choice felt and still feels like the right one to me. From outside the narrative, I can certainly weigh the options and see sacrificing Chloe as the more viable. (though if you want to talk pragmatism, there is absolutely no reason why either of them should think that letting Chloe die should fix everything)

But while it’s important to ask ‘what would I do?’, it’s also been immensely important to me in these playthroughs to ask ‘what would Max do?’, or further, ‘what could Max do?’

So that was my choice. As I said at the beginning, I was nervous as to how I’d feel at the end, after having been so deeply affected the first time. And now, after crying through the whole epilogue, I found myself wondering if I’d cried enough. I looked up the scene online and watched it again, and cried. And then again, and cried. But what was this empty feeling? Is this what it felt like before, or was something blocking me from experiencing it properly?

After stepping outside into the 4am light, and then another rewatch, I realised I was, in a way, messing with time. Trying to force things, just like Max was. I even had my own Other Max in my head, making me question my own thoughts and feelings. So it was time to let it be what it was, and move on. I couldn’t recreate my first play, but I could let myself get swept up in this one.

Since finishing the game, it’s been raining non-stop here. I’ve kept inside, surrounded by the aftermath of this playthrough.

Playing this game changed me. For all it did right and all it did wrong, I was affected. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve consciously noted a tangible shift in who I am as a person. It’s brought me closer to my emotions, and has altered my creativity. It made me revise one of my comic ideas into a game - something I would never have considered on my own.

Even with all these thoughts, I reckon this comic I made accurately sums up my whole experience.

And as I’ve done each time, here are my favourite moments from this episode:

-'I’ll always be with you.’ ‘Forever.’

-Clasping hands, as the storm rages.

-Max, unable to watch, leaning into Chloe, who looks on with newfound strength.

-Driving through the town, now in pieces. Max, too, in pieces.

-Max’s weak smile when Chloe moves to comfort her. It’s going to be okay. They’re together.

(heck, I cried just typing those out, I am so done, haha)

To anybody who read this far - thank you so, so much. This game holds a lot of emotional value to me, and hence these write-ups are probably the most personal thing I’ve put out here for people to see. So thank you for taking the time to look at this. I hope you’re having a wonderful day.

Wah, this was all in preparation for the first episode of Before the Storm, and now episode 2 is about to be released. I gotta dig in!

As always, here’s a lil sketch <3

#max talks about life is strange

49 notes · View notes

rehanishu-blog · 4 years

Text

25 Best Red roses images with love quotes collections

"Love is natural diseases, which is directly affecting your heart and mind". Love is the most sacred thing in the world. Everything can be conquered with love. So love is the most powerful thing in the world. Love makes any bad person good, teaches him to think new, to be good. And the rose is one of the many ways to express this love. Everybody gives a rose to the person they love. And they win their hearts. So in this post, I'm going to provides Best Red roses images with love quotes for your partner. Here you get more images and quotes on good morning rose, red rose images, pink rose images, good morning flower images free download, good morning love images for girlfriend, flowers images for love, good morning flowers. Everyone expects love from the people he loves. This post will hopefully fulfill the expectations of the person you love. These pictures will help you make your love happy. When you get photos of these roses you will send her/him. Then he/she will be very happy. Trust me it's true, it really works. You can try with it to express more love with your partner. So why are you waiting? Just choose any pink rose images or love quotes for your love.

How do I wish my girlfriend/boyfriend good morning?

Are you confuse that What's a cute way to say good morning. Need to no worry in this post I'm going to discuss also that How do you wish a lover. For impressing your partner with good morning flowers you need to follow some interesting steps. In the morning time when waking up ask your partner that "How is your sleep?". Send your partner some good morning love quotes with beautiful love good morning images. Like * Best Collection of Good Morning Images for Couples, Friends, Family * Ask your partner "Have you seen me in your dream?" - That will help you instill love with each other. Try to make him laugh as much as you can. It will strengthen the bond of love between you and your's partner. Tell your partner about your old love moments. Talk about love as much as you can. At last, you must say your partner that you feel alone without your partner. If you followed correctly with your strategy above the steps then you can easily touch your partner love emotion. For the love quotes and red roses images or good morning flower images, grab from below. Here than more 25 good morning love quotes and good morning flower images absolutely free.

25+ romantic love quotes with Red rose images

Let's check the best romantic love quotes and Best Rose Images for love. Make happy good morning for your love life with helping these best romantic Images. Here you get more than 20+ Best pink rose images with love quotes for your partner. So why you think about it? Just choose the best one and share with your partner.

♥"Believing that you're mine is exactly what causes me to wake right up in the evenings." ♥ ♥"The skies are slowly dispersed let me hide you. Aren't getting lost at one's heart, so '' I like you." ♥ ♥"My angel, my life, you are the one. Whatever I want, always give me what I need, my love, my everything"♥

Good morning romantic rose

♥ "Like I received from you personally The maximum amount of love. Naughty desires that particular mind, to secure far additional. I am aware everything will be in you." ♥ ♥ "For boys, the woman's laughter Has Become the Most precious item in the world." ♥

Good morning flower images free download| Romantic love quotes

♥"When a man loves a woman, he can do everything for her.I'm one of them. I love you, dear." ♥ ♥"Flowers may rise from the desert with attention, care, and love. So for my love also rise a love tree in your heart." ♥

Pink rose images|Good morning rose|Good morning flowers

Here are the most beautiful pink rose images collection with feeling love quotes. Share these images with your partner and make him/her happy. Best o Luck for your love relation! from "Good morning Images Lover" Team.

♥"Life resembles a blossom and also the love of lifestyle Is Similar to honey." ♥

♦♦♦I didn't forget, The smile on your face In the world of my mind, Still love you♦♦♦

Good morning love images for girlfriend/ Him

♥♥In your eyes, Thousands of dreams come true. I want to get lost in that magical eye.♥♥

♥"Discover me. I'm together along with your fantasy. Don't forget my love." ♥ ♥"You possess the key to my heart, so it's yours that is forever and I am yours forever." ♥

♥"Love is like a virus. It can happen at any time, anytime. So I feel in love with you." ♥ ♥"I have a smile on my face as I think of you. You are my source of joy and happiness." ♥ Don't miss!! Best Proposal Quotes Collection: The Best Proposal forever – love, propose day, marriage proposal, quotes.

♥"I swear I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow." ♥— Leo Christopher ♥"I love your smile, your look, your heart, and your brain. You are my special person and no one can replace you."♥

♥"To love is to value. Only a rationally selfish man, a man of self-esteem, is capable of love - because he is the only man capable of holding firm, consistent, uncompromising, unbetrayed values. The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone." ♥ -- Ayn Rand ♥"For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings, That then I scorn to change my state with kings." ♥ -- William Shakespeare Rose flowers pictures with love | Romantic Flowers | Red Rose images

♥"Love" is a condition that is essential to the happiness of another man or woman for your personal life ... Violence is a disease, love is a nourishing state. The immature mind often makes the opposite of a mistake, or the more the love of the emotion is the more alous jealousy.♥

♥"The moment I looked at you the moment my world changed. What I could see was the beauty around me. What I felt was pure ecstasy. All I wanted to do was love you." ♥ ♥"Every time I see you I just want to kiss you emotionally." ♥ ♥"Hold me in your arms. Kiss me on kissable lips Love me with your big heart." ♥

"If you know that you love her then you are happy with that person,even if you are not part of her happiness." ♥"No matter where you are, you are always true in my heart. Whenever you need me, close your eyes and feel that my love is with you forever." ♥ Conclusion: Please try to make your love life happy and peaceful. Don't Misbehave with him/her. Please understands your partner carefully. Solve your problem with the help of each other. Breakup not is the solution. It's the worst work ever. Make a strong bonding with your partner. And send him/her daily red roses images with love quotes with your love. Be positive and stay happy. Read more Best positive status and quotes. I hope that you are like this article. Please give your feedback rating. Thanks for visiting our site. keep stay with us and subscribe to our newsletter to get daily post updates.

Incoming Searching Terms:

red roses images, good morning rose, good morning flowers, pink rose images, flowers images for love, romantic love quotes good morning flowers pictures for whatsapp, red roses images with love quotes, good morning flower images free download, i love you quotes, red rose image gallery, feeling love quotes, pink rose images with love quotes, pink rose images hd, good morning rose gif download red rose images love hd, pink roses images wallpaper, good morning rose images download. beautiful pink rose flower images, light pink rose images, good morning red rose hd wallpaper, pink roses bouquet images, red rose images hd, good morning romantic rose, red rose wallpapers, good morning single rose, red rose images love hd, blood red rose pictures, good morning rose images download, red rose love, good morning rose gif, i love you quotes for her, good morning romantic rose gif, i love you quotes for him, good morning flowers free download, remember i love you quotes, i love you quotes for boyfriend, feeling love quotes, good morning flowers hd, strong love quotes, cute i love you quotes, good morning flowers download, romantic love quotes, good morning flowers with messages, Read the full article

#flowersimagesforlove #goodmorningflowerimagesfreedownload #goodmorningflowers #goodmorningrose #iloveyouquotes #pinkroseimages #redrosesimages #romanticlovequotesredrosesimageswithlovequotes

0 notes

sociopathic-killer · 7 years

Text

Dylan Klebold’s journal.

Ah yes, this is me writing . . . just writing, nobody technically did anything, just I felt like throwing out my thoughts — this is a weird time, weird life, weird existence. As I sit here (partially drunk with a screwdriver) I think a lot. Think .. . think . . . that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking . . . all the time . . . my mind never stops . . . music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking . . . about the asshole in gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls I know (mainly & ) how I know I can never have them, yet I can still dream . .. I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the wads1 on my computer, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people ( ) at school), yet it does nothing to help my life morally. My existence is shit to me — how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake — artificial, induced [?] by thought, how everything connects, yet its all so far apart.... & I sit & think ... science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet I see different views of shit now — like the mind — yet if the mind is viewed scientifically . .. hmm I dwell in the past . .. thinking of good & bad memories A lot on the past though . . . I’ve always had a thing for the past — how it reacts to the present & the future — or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem — when Dylan Benet2 Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body ... as I see the people at school — some good, some bad — I see how different I am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet I’m on such a greater scale of difference than everyone else (as far as I know, or guess). I see jocks having fun, friends, women, LIVEZ. Or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe) like ignorance = bliss. They don’t know beyond this world (how I do in my mind or in reality or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses — I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned & they lack the overdeveloped mind/imagination/knowledge too [?]. I don’t fit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life ... that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe — my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me — my soul (existence). & the routine is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, hoping that people can accept me ... that I can accept them ... the NIN song Piggy is good for thought writing ... The Lost Highway3 sounds like a movie about me . .. I’m gonna write later, bye

Yo . . . whassup . . . heheheheh . . . know what’s weird? Everyone knows everyone. I swear — like I’m an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me ... Check it ... (this isn’t good, but I need to write, so here. .. . Within the known limits of time . . . within the conceived boundaries of space . . . the average human thinks those are the settings of existence . . . yet the ponderer, the outcast, the believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions,” says the ponderer, “but of 3, as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions — L, W, & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought — Time, Space, & THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists — anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them. Another .. . a dream. Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 [degrees] to normal life. No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, & then. .. . BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life. Hypnosis place — It is a sky — with one large cloud, & sort of a cloud-made chair — the sun is at the head of the chair .. . 10 o’clock up into the sky .. . Below, I sometimes see mist, & the green (forest green) earth — sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair — actually like a chaise — & I am talking . . . to what? I don’t know — it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t . . . & we talk like we are the same person — like he’s my soul... . The everlasting contrast.... Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the ever-lasting contrast. Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers — but exceptions to every rule, & this is a BIG exception — most morons never change, they never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind!

It is not good for me right now (like it ever is) . . . but anyway . . . My best friend6 ever: the friend who shared, experimented, laughed, took chances with & appreciated me more than any friend ever did has been ordained ... “passed on” ... in my book. Ever since 7 (who I wouldn’t mind killing) has loved him ... that’s the only place he’s been with her ... if anyone had any idea how sad I am ... I mean we were the TEAM. When him & I first were friends, well I finally found someone who was like me: who appreciated me & shared very common interests. Ever since 7th grade, I’ve felt lonely ... when came around, I finally felt happiness (sometimes) we did cigars, drinking, sabotage to houses, EVERYTHING for the first time together & now that he’s “moved on” I feel so lonely, without a friend. Oh well, maybe he’ll come around → ... I hope. That’s all — for this topic — maybe I’ll never see this again.8 ô = — — = ô <<–VoDKA–>> My 1st Love???? OH my God ... I am almost sure I am in love ... with .9 Hehehe ... such a strange name, like mine ... yet everything about her I love. From her good body to her almost perfect face, her charm, her wit & cunning, her NOT being popular. Her friends (who I know) — some — I just hope she likes me as much as I LOVE her. I think of her every second of every day. I want to be with her. I imagine me & her doing things together, the sound of her laugh, I picture her face, I love her. If [crossed out] soulmates exist, then I think I’ve found mine. I hope she likes Techno ... :-) , I love you — Dylan

My thoughts Oooh god I want to die sooo bad .. . such a sad desolate lonely unsalvageable I feel I am .. . not fair, NOT FAIR!!! I wanted happiness!! I never got it ... Let’s sum up my life ... the most miserable existence in the history of time . . . my best friend has ditched me forever, lost in bettering himself & having/enjoying/taking for granted his love. . . . I’ve NEVER knew this ... not 100 times near this ... they look at me like I’m a stranger ... I helped them both out thru life, & they left me in the abyss of suffering when I gave them the [?] The one who I thought was my true love, is not. Just a shell of what I want the most ... the meanest trick was played on me a fake love ... she in reality doesn’t give a good fuck about me . . . doesn’t even know me . . . I have no happiness, no ambitions, no friends, & no LOVE!!! can get me that gun I hope, I wanna use it on a poor SOB. I know ... his name is vodka, dylan is his name too. What else can I do/give ... I stopped the pornography. I try not to pick on people. Obviously at least one power is against me. . . . funny how I’ve been thinking about her over the last few days . . . giving myself fake realities that she, others MIGHT have liked me, just a bit . . . my [bad?] I have always been hated, by everyone & everything, just never aware. . . . Goodbye all the crushes I’ve ever had, just shells . . . images, no truths ... BUT WHY? YES, you can read this, why did [illegible words]. [next to a small picture:] A dark time, infinite sadness, I want to find love

Ignorance is bliss happiness is ambition desolation is knowledge pain is acceptance despair is anger denial is helpless martyrism is hope for others advantages taken are causes of martyrism revenge is sorrow death is a reprieve life is a punishment others’ achievements are tormentations people are alike I am different — Dylan [next to the above:] Goodbye, sorry to everyone . . . I just can’t take it . . . all the thoughts . . . too many . .. make my head twist ... I must have happiness, love, peace. Goodbye me is a god, a god of sadness exiled to this eternal hell the people I helped, abandon me I am denied what I want, To love & to be happy Being made a human Without the possibility of BEING human The cruelest of all punishments To some I am crazy It is so clear, yet so foggy Everything’s connected, separated I am the only interpreter of this Id rather have nothing than be nothing Some say godliness isn’t nothing Humanity is the something I long for I just want something I can never have The story of my existence. — Dylan

Me. sorry I didn’t write, A SHITLOAD in my existence ride. ok . . . hell & back . . . I’ve been to the zombie bliss side. . . . & I hate it as much if not more than the awareness part. I’m back now.... a taste of what I thought I want ... wrong. Possible girlfriends are coming then I’ll give the phony shit up in a second want TRUE love ... I just want something I can never have.... True true I hate everything, why can’t I die ... not fair. I want pure bliss ... to be cuddling with , who I think I love deeper than ever . . . I was hollow, thought I was right. Another form of the Downward Spiral10 . . . deeper & deeper it goes, to cuddle with her, to be one w her, to love, just laying there. I need a girl. This is a weird entry ... I should feel happy, but shit brought me down. I feel terrible. The Lost Highway apparently repeats . . . itself. I won’t drink. Now, lucky bastard gets a perfect soulmate, who he can admit FUCKIN SUICIDE to & I get rejected for being honest about fuckin hate for jocks. From the wrong people maybe ... & Anyway .. . here are 2 poems. Fuck me die me Awareness signs the warrant for suffering. Why is it that the zombies achieve something me wants (overdeveloped me). They can love, why can’t I? The true existor lives in solitude, always aware, always infinite, always looking for, his love. Peace might be the ultimate destination . . . destination unknown. . . . I want happiness . . . abandonment is present for the martyr. My thoughts exist in, want to live in. I want to find a room in the great hall & stay there w my love forever. Sadness seems infinite, & the shell of happiness shines around. Yet the true despair overcomes in this lifetime. How tragic for my [?] dumass shithead I HATE SHIT motherfuckin goddamn piece of death thought and nothin FUCK FUCK FUCK No emotions, not caring, yet another stage in this shit life. Suicide .. . Dylan Klebold

Thoughts Farther and farther distant . . . That’s what’s happening . . . me & everything that zombies consider real . . . just images, not life. Soon I will be at peace I hope . . . Burn → “with all your life fucked up around you” I get more depressed with each day . . . more Evil. . . . & I can’t ever stop it!!! [illegible scribble] Some god I am.... All people I ever might have loved have abandoned me, my parents piss me off & hate me . . . want me to have fuckin ambition!! How can I when I get screwed & destroyed by everything??!!! I have no money, no happiness, no friends ... Eric will be getting further away soon.... I’ll have less than nothing ... how normal. I wanted to love ... I wanted to be happy and ambitions and free & nice & good & ignorant.... everyone abandoned me ... I have small stupid pleasures ... my so called hobbies & doings ... those are all that’s left for me ... clinging onto the smallest rocks ... many people climbing up a never ending vertical cliff. . . . & found a plateau to exist on. . .they walked up me to get to it. Nobody will help me . . . only exist with me if it suits them. I helped, why can’t they? will get me a gun, I’ll go on my killing spree11 against anyone I want. More crazy . . . deeper in the spiral, lost highway repeating, dwelling on the beautiful past ( & getting drunk) with me, everyone moves up, I always stayed. Abandonment. This room sucks wanna die everything is as least expected. The meek are trampled on, the assholes prevail, the gods are deceiving, lost in my little insane asylum with the outhouse [?] redneck music playing. . . . wanna die & be free with my love . . . if she even exists. She probably hates me . . . finds a [?] or a jock who treats her like shit. I remember details . . . nothing worth remembering I remember. I don’t know my love: could be , or or , or , or anyone. I don’t know & I’m sick of not knowing!! To be kept in the dark is a punishment!! I have lost my emotions ... like in Hurt the song. NIN.12 people eventually find happiness I never will. Does that make me a non-human? YES. The god of sadness.... church was so fun ... the rec thing with

Beeerr ... Man I don’t know what’s up lately ... never do in existence. All this shit with & friends ... so weird & different from past.... yet again, that’s the way in existence. I wonder if I’ll ever have a love . . . my love. got his, I don’t, won’t ever get mine. Here’s all the people I’ve loved, or at least liked (or thought I loved) — all the same meaning

is the newest ... the purest (for now) ... seems perfect for me ... I seem perfect for her. I was delusional and thought she waved at me the last day of school. Oh well ... my emotions are gone. So much past pain at once, my senses are numbed. The beauty of being numb.

Existence . .. to understand Well well . . . so much changes . . . (like existence). I understand almost everything now . . . so close to my love — . The runes have shown it, she has shown it, I have felt it. I know the meaning of each life: to be loved by your love, & to be happy with ones self. Only for the gods though (me, , etc.). the zombies & their society band together & try to destroy what is superior13 (what they don’t understand & are afraid of. Soon.... either I’ll commit suicide, or I’ll get with & it will be NBK14 for us. My happiness. Her happiness. NOTHING else matters. I’ve been caught with most of my crimes — xpl [for example] drinking, smoking & the house vandalism, & the pipe bombs. If, by fate’s choice, didn’t love me, I’d slit my wrist & blow up Atlanta15 strapped to my neck. It’s good, understanding a hard road since my realization, but it gets easier. BUT IT DOESN’T! that’s part of existence. Unpredictable. Existence is pure hell & pure heaven at the same time. I will never stop wondering. The lost highway will never end, the music in my head will never stop ... total [?] part of existence. The hall will never end. The love will always be there. GOD I LOVE HER!!! It’s so great to love. Society is tightening its grip on me, & soon I & will snap. We will have our revenge on society, & then be free, to exist in a timeless spaceless place of pure happiness. The purpose of life is to be happy & be with your love who is equally happy. Not much more to say. Goodbye. Almost happiness is slavery — the real people (gods) are slaves to the majority of zombies, but we know & love being superior. I didn’t want to be a jock. I hated the happiness that they have — & I will have something infinitely better. I love her & she loves me. (By the way, some zombies are smarter than others, some manipulate .. . like my parents.) I am GOD, is GOD the zombies will pay for their arrogance, hate, fear, abandoned, & distrust

I love you that’s all I think about anymore ... I know that this humanity is almost over, that we will be free. We have proven to fate that we are the everything of purity & halcyon, & that we deserve, need, love, can’t exist without each other. It’s hard, I think that I might not be enough, my mind sometimes gets stuck on its own things, I think about human things — all I try to do is imagine the happiness between us. That is something we cannot even conceive in this toilet earth. The everything, the halcyon, the happiness is ours, there will be no notes from me. Let the humans suffer without my knowledge of the everything. I am trying not to think about the happiness, somehow thinking that 16 will destroy it if I conceive/relish in it when I’m a human, but I love her. We are soulmates.

You don’t consciously know who I am (please don’t skip to the back: read the note as it was written), & doubtedly unconsciously too. I, who write this, love you beyond infinince. I think about you all the time, how this world would be a better place if you loved me as I do you. I know what you’re thinking: “(some psycho wrote me this harassing letter)” I hoped we could have been together ... you seem a bit like me. Pensive, quiet, an observer, not wanting what is offered here (school, life, etc.) you almost seem lonely, like me. You probably have a boyfriend though, & might not have given this note another thought. I have thought you my true love for a long time now, but . . . well . . . there was hesitation. You see I can’t tell if you think of anyone as I do you, & if you did who that would be. Fate put me in need of you, yet this earth blocked that with uncertainties. I will go away soon, but I just had to write this to you, the one I truly loved. Please, for my sake, don’t tell anybody about this, as it was only meant for you. Also, please don’t feel any guilt about my soon-to-be “absence” of this world (it is solely my decision: no one else’s) oh ... the thoughts of us ... doing everything together, not necessarily anything, just to be together would have been pure heaven. I guess it’s time to tell you who I am. I was in a class with you 1st semester, & was blessed with being with you in a report. I still remember your laugh. Innocent, beautiful, pure. This semester I still see you — rarely. I am entranced during 5th period, as we both have it off. To most people, I appear . . . well . . . almost scary, but that’s who I appear to be as people are afraid of what they don’t understand. I denied who I was for a long time. Until high school.... anyway, you have noticed me a few times, I catch every one of these gazes with an open heart. I think you know who I am by now. Unfortunately ... even if you did like me even the slightest bit, you would hate me if you knew who I was. I am a criminal. I have done things that almost nobody would even think about condoning. The reason that I’m writing you now is that I have been caught for the crimes I committed, & I want to go to a new existence. You know what I mean (suicide). I have nothing to live for, & I wont be able to survive in this world after this legal conviction. However, if it was true that you loved me as I do you ... I would find a way to survive. Anything to be with you. I would enjoy life knowing that you loved me. 99/100 chances you probably think I’m crazy, & want to stay as far away as possible. If that’s the case, then I’m very sorry for involving an innocent person in my problems, & please don’t think twice. However, if you are who I hoped for in my dreams & realities, then do me a favor: leave a piece of paper in my locker saying anything that comes to you. Well, I guess this is it — goodbye, & I love(d) you. Dylan Klebold

I LOVE !! I love her to infinince. I look back on my awareness journey, see the parts & sections of my understanding . . . it’s almost done, yet it is never done, I love . She is my soulmate, my [?] all the imaginative halcyons & pure existences I have with her (to me) are almost happiness ... I just wish I could call her...something blocks me from calling her, my human side is putting up a wall to prevent me from calling her, like a fear of “its” truth. BS. I will overcome all fears, doubts, & zombie-based thoughts (oxymoron) . . . I will follow our hearts to the halcyon, loving her. I love you

Forever fate, up & down spiral 1.5 human years . . . so much changed in small time, my friends (at my choice) are depleting & collapsing under each other (Eric & ) like I thought they would, I am ready to be with . The ups & downs of fate are forever, good & bad, equal me. The lost highway, & downward spiral never end. Existence is like infinity times itself. ∞∞ [symbolizes infinity to the power of infinity] I have passed thru this much of the ever existence, this is almost a checkpoint. The zombies have set their [place? plane?] in my mind for the cliff theory I’ve [?] off with & we’ve floated away to the halcyon. The zombies will pay for their being, their nature. I know everything, yet I know nothing. I am a true god. My infinite memories, thoughts, perceivations of purity come a lot more with her, there is pure pure happiness — the purpose of our existence. I hate, love things, hate everything, love me & . I understand that I can never ever be a zombie, even if I wanted to. The nature of my entity. Soon we will live in the halcyons of our minds, the one thing that made me a god. Things are so simple, now that they are infinitely complicated. HAHAHAHA.

I understand whatever of everything. I am the god of the everything. Fate is my only master. This is probably my last entry. I love my self close second to my everlasting love. Goodbye. I will never stop learning Dylan Klebold

This shit again. Back at writing, doing just like a fucking zombie. Lately I can’t change my mind from the fucking deeds of zombies. Earth, humanity, HERE. That’s mostly what I think about. I hate it. I want to be free . . . free . . . I thought it would have been time by now. The pain multiplies infinitely never stops Yet [?] I’m here, STILL alone, still in pain, so is she. The thing I have concluded is that fate will decide when we should be together. decided when our existence started, it should end the same way, with us unknowing, in limbo. I love you . Always have, will. The scenarios, images, pieces of happiness still come. they always will. I love her she loves me. I know she is tired of suffering as I am. It is time. It is time. I love her the journey, the endless journey started, it has to end. We need to be happy to exist truly. I see her in perfection, the halcyons. I await endless purity. I exist as less than nothing without her. –O. my humanity, –O. I don’t know if I should call her, or wait for to act. Yet, calling her is a state of humanity. I’m forever sorry, infinitely, about the pornos. My humanity has a foot fetish & bondage extreme liking. I try to thwart it sometimes to no effect. Yet the masturbation has stopped. I’m sorry . Always I feel the [?] happiness here, thinking of her for brief moments. That’s how I know the everything is true.

I hate this non-thinking stasis. I’m stuck in humanity. Maybe going “NBK” (gawd) with Eric is the way to break free. I hate this.

The weather is a replication of our thoughts. The happiness is possible, imminent, I [?] on . The happiness is close visible ending, end of the beginning of the halcyons. The humanity is blocking me again. Time to go. HAHAHAHA fuck all. Hate this shit, need to be me, [?], love her. The framework of society stands above & below me. The hardest thing to destroy, yet the weakest thing that exists. I know that I am different, yet I am afraid to tell the society. The possible abandonment, persecution is not something I want to face, yet it is so primitive to me. I guess being yourself means letting people know about inner thoughts too, not just opinions & fashions [illegible word in parentheses] I will be free one day, in the land of purity & my happiness, I will have a love, someone who is me in a way. someday ... possibly thru this life, maybe another, but it will happen . .. Love is more valuable than anything I know. To love is to enter a completion of oneself. I hate those who choose to destroy a love, who take it for granted. love is greater than life even. As I look for love, I feel I can’t find it. Ever. But something tells me I will, someday. Somewhere. As my love will find me, she feels as I do right now, I can feel it, we will be inseparable. Her & I. Whether it is or not, I think I’ll find it (my love). We will be free, to explore the vast wonders of the stars. To cascade down everlong waterfalls, & thru the warmest seas of pure happiness .. . no limits .. . no limits. Nothing will stop us.

► Separate document:

The humanity of here & now clouds all that I see. Yet the me, the one, can now control the pain, & it is done. 5 more days. 5 . . . . . . a very influential number, another brick in my journeyed wall. Humans are zombies, they scratch for acceptance & greed & kill themselves thru each other. They will never learn, or maybe they will, but wont have the strength to learn to be aware is not a trait, it’s a godlike thing. Blessed God, not a Christian, Jesus, Mt. Sinai, Abraham, David, Bible gay shit god, but a true controller of existence. was to make us this way. These moments will be lost in the depressions & caverns of the human books forever, like, tears, in, rain, but the thoughts will be eternal. To explain the happiness is impossible even for fate. It’s just a pure halcyon set to last more existences than a conceivable number. Stupid gay nigger humans think I’m “crazy.” Or they think I’m childish. Hahaha, because I can’t solve [math equation]. That makes me dumb! Because I can’t stay thinking in a 2nd dimension, I go to the 5th!17 Haha. So I wait 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 eternities, & I know her & I are all conceived from ourselves & each other, every night of the self-awareness journey, every thought we conceived, we have finished the race. Time to die. Everything we knew we were able to understand it, to perceive it, into what we should. Everything we knew, we know & use. An understanding of the everything. An Einstein stuck in an ant’s body. We are the nature of existence. The zombies were a test, to see if our love was genuine. We are in wait of our reward, each other. The zombies will never cause us pain anymore. The humanity was a test. I love you, love. Time to die, time to be free, time to love. 1. One day, one is the beginning, [?] the end. Hahaha. Reversed, yet true. About 26.5 hours from now the judgment will begin. Difficult, but not impossible, necessary, nerve-wracking & fun. What fun is life without a little death? It’s interesting, when I’m in my human form, knowing I’m going to die. Everything has a touch of triviality to it. Like how none of this calculus shit matters. The way it shouldn’t. the truth. In 26.4 hours, I’ll be dead, & in happiness. The little zombie human fags will know their errors, & be forever suffering and mournful. HAHAHAH, of course I will miss things. Not really.

His Will:

Ok, this is my will. This is a fucking human thing to do, but whatever. — you were a badass, never failed to get me up when I was down. Thx. You get FUCKT

4 notes · View notes

ecompaniesusa · 5 years

Text

10 Habits That Will Make Your Startup More Successful

The way you influence your work and life. The practises and beliefs you put in place. These are all factors that can determine whether you will be successful or not.

Simply put — if you develop the right habits, you will greatly increase your chances of success and below are 10 of them you can start developing right now.

1. Avoid The Toxic Jobs / Clients

Should you take on every job you are offered?

No.

Always think about the bigger picture. Is the vision of the project something you will be proud of? Something that you will be happy to stand by? It is suitable for your portfolio, and your startup’s overall brand?

If the answer to any of those questions is no, you should think long and hard about whether or not this is the job for your startup.

The same goes with clients.

You might notice it at the first point of contact. The first email sent. The first face to face meeting. It might be their tone. It could be their non verbal communication. It could be their verbal communication. Maybe they showed up late and don’t seem to appreciate your work or your time.

Any of these signals can leave a sour taste, and can instantly set off the alarm bells.

Beware of taking on work from someone that doesn’t gel with you, because when the project gets going and stress increases, so will the tension and problems between you and the client. No project is easy when relations strain.

When considering jobs and clients, you must always consider the business you are building for the future.

So don’t forget to ask yourself if the client in front of you is truly right for the business you want to build and if you can see yourself working together well into the future.

The most successful businesses are built on repeat business and word of mouth. Keep this in mind and go into every project with the aim of future relationships, and if the fit ain’t right, walk away.

2. Take On Difficult Challenges

Many startups shoehorn themselves into a restricted role. They limit what they do, or can’t do, based on their vision of what they ‘are’.

We don’t do that.

We can’t do that.

We don’t want to do that.

That isn’t ‘us’.

Sometimes it’s playing safe. Other times it protecting the ego. Other times it’s just laziness. In the end, these startups won’t grow. They won’t develop. And they will most likely fail.

To ensure you, and your business, develop and grow, you have to take on challenges that throw you out of your depth.

In that chaotic environment of the new and unknown, you will find yourself. Your business will find new passions, new beliefs and new strengths.

Take on as many roles, projects and challenges that are new to you as you can. It will force you to adapt. Put yourself in uncomfortable environments. Take on wild jobs or clients that push you to your very limits.

It will open you and your team up to new directions, new ideas and new beliefs.

Combine these three things together and your team will emerge victorious and you will grow because of it.

3. Work The Hours That Work For You

I like working Sunday mornings.

Yeah, I just said that.

I hate the ‘day of rest’. I feel super productive on the weekend mornings, and usually get a lot done.

I also find 8–10am, and early afternoons are peak working hours. Why? I have no idea. But that is what works for me, my body, and my mind. That is when I feel the creative juices ‘flowing’.

You need to find the working hours that suit you.

Ignore the self help bullshit.

Don’t get up at 3am every morning, unless you are really sure it works for you.

Don’t force yourself to work 20 hour days, unless you are really confident it suits your working mentality.

The shortened work day has actually been trialled in Sweden, to genuine success.

If you find that a 4 or 6 hour days mean you actually get more done in a day, then you are a)one of the lucky ones, and b) absolutely entitled to do so.

The magic of a startup is regaining control of the work structure, and dictating your own work ‘life’.

Use this to your advantage. Don’t follow the crowd. Don’t work long days just because Gary Vee told you you are a fucking loser because you don’t.

Find and develop your own structure, and watch your business blossom.

4. Make Decisions For The Long Term, Not The Short Term

When you found a startup, you are in it for the long run, right?

So act like it.

If you consistently base your decisions around ‘the now’, you will inevitably come unstuck further down the line. Make decisions that will benefit your business not just today, but for the weeks and months to come.

Strategise. Plan ahead.

Where do you want your business to be at the end of year 1?

How many clients, or projects, do you wish to have?

Break down these goals into manageable tasks, and decision-making can be done with a clear focus, and long term plan. Review these day by day, month by month, year by year, adjusting as and when required.

“Remember to dream big, think long-term, achieve on a daily basis, and take baby steps. That is the key to long-term success.”

— Robert Kiyosaki

5. Be Motivated By The Right Things

A startup that forgets or neglects to focus on putting the best foundations down, right at the start, is on shaky ground from day 1.

So stop thinking about the paycheck for a moment. Forget about your competition. Stop thinking about the quickest route to the top.

Think growth. Think reputation. Think trust. Think brand loyalty. Think purpose. Think bigger.

Be motivated to bring change to people’s lives, to create things that bring happiness to people. Realise people’s dreams. Realise your own dreams.

Having the right motivations will make your business relatable to consumers and clients.

These achievements are far more rewarding than any paycheck can be.

“Do what you love and the money will follow.”

— Marsha Sinetar

6. Take More Tea Breaks

Someone famous once said ‘the best things happen over a cup of tea’.

Or maybe it was just a marketing ploy.

Or maybe I just made it up.

Regardless, it is some of the best advice I can give a startup.

There isn’t enough hours in the day to get everything done, so there is no point in forcing yourself, and others, to work till you drop. The quality of your output will only decrease and decrease.

So take tea breaks, and take them often!

It is in those more calming moments, during the chatter or discussion, or the peace and quiet, that your brain clogs start to turn again.

You start to refocus on your work. Everything becomes clearer. Solutions to problems suddenly appear out of nowhere.

Tea breaks are great for a team too. Team bonding is vital to the success of your startup, as the stronger the team, the more chance you will overcome the adversity that meets you along the way.

And lets be honest, is there anything better than a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?

7. Make Mistakes, And Be Proud Of Them

Starting a startup is a dive at the deep end.

The learning curve is a steep one. In many cases, it doesn’t come with a guide book. There isn’t an instruction manual for success.

So it begs the question; how can you learn, if you have never made a mistake?What understanding of things do you really have, when you have never had to work through an error?

Being correct isn’t even the important part.

It is the understanding of the process. The methods. The formulae. Usually this is done through testing, prototyping and trial and error.

There are so many things to learn from fucking up.

Mistakes, and the solutions to them, will improve your confidence. Mistakes will help you to help others. They prepare you better each time for the next mistake. They reveal things you have missed, and in turn, new ways to approach things.

Mistakes should be part of the growth and development of both you, and your startup.

So fail as many times as required and be proud of it!

“You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.”

— Richard Branson

8. Always Strive For Improvement

Nothing in life is perfect.

Everything could be improved in some way.

So don’t think for a second your startup is perfect.

Always strive for more. Always strive for better. Always strive for improvements, across the board. Refine your work process and practise. What areas can be improved?

Refine your strategy and vision. Where is it lacking? Do you have a more clearer path now?

Refine your branding and marketing. Is it working? Are you targeting the right market? Are you connecting with your audience?

Everything can be improved. And that is a great thing. It means your work can always be elevated.

So strive for it.

“Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection.”

— Kim Collins

9. Use Your Support Network

It is ok to need a shoulder to cry on. Really. In fact, it is a requirement.

Don’t take friends and family for granted. Don’t let the startup fracture any relationships with those closest to you. You need a support network around you.

Everyone’s will be different. But whatever people you choose to surround yourself with, make sure they support your business, support what you are trying to achieve, and understand the problems and issues you are facing along the way.

Don’t keep all your problems contained, because they will fester like weeds until they are out of control.

Use your network to get advice and help. Family, friends, colleagues, strangers, other businesses — the more the merrier.

10. Blow Off Some Steam!

Sometimes shit hits the fan.

Sometimes things get so overwhelming it pushes you beyond your breaking point.

You know what helps?

Letting it out!

Scream the clients name in a mishmash of profanities and insults. Shout at your work. Let it know how much it is driving you mad. Let it know you will conquer it. Give something a good kick or punch. It will feel brilliant (at the time).

It is so important to vent. If you let it build up it, it clouds your thinking. Stifles your creativity. Stops you from thinking straight.

And all of those will just make you angrier if you let it.

What a truly vicious circle.

*Disclaimer* Please note, the client should not be present when being lambasted and called all sorts of words your mum would be ashamed of.

Good habits, means good business.

Start forming better ones today, and you and your business will never look back.

US Incorporation Service for Domestic Entrepreneurs

Incorporate your business today for only $99 plus government fees.

https://www.ecompaniesusa.com/incorporation-service/

USA LLC Registration Form a Limited Liability Company today.

Gain limited liability protection for yourself, and added credibility for your business. Forming a limited liability company (LLC) provides liability protection for any type of business. Starting your business as an LLC can help you protect your personal assets while adding legitimacy to your company. We’re the LLC experts – with us it’s fast, easy, affordable and done right. Ecompanies US offers fast & easy LLC Registration service for only $99 plus government fees.

https://www.ecompaniesusa.com/llc-registration/

US Incorporation Service for Foreign Companies

Throughout the USA corporations are the most widely used legal vehicle for operating a business. A corporation has the same rights and obligations under US law as a natural person. Among other things, this means it can acquire assets, go into debt, enter into contracts, sue or be sued, and even be found guilty of committing a crime.

To incorporate a new company in the USA., one or more persons(called “the incorporators”) may form a company by filing articles of incorporation, notice of address and notice of directors with the Corporations Division Office of the desired jurisdiction of registration.

Ecompanies USA offers fast & easy US online incorporation and business registration services to foreign companies interested in doing business in Canada. At Ecompanies Canada we help you step-by-step and take care of the entire business registration process from start to finish. Incorporating a business with us is fast, easy and takes just minutes.

https://www.ecompaniesusa.com/us-incorporation-service-for-foreign-companies/

This Article first appeared in medium

The post 10 Habits That Will Make Your Startup More Successful appeared first on Ecompanies USA.

from Ecompanies USA http://bit.ly/2WEHezF

#Ecompanies USA

0 notes

madison8569560-blog · 6 years

Text

12 Affection Quotes To Celebrate Sweetest Time

When our company possess amount of money, when our company possess power and recognition, when we have a family members, an excellent profession then all from this makes us rejoice and also information. I was married for 15years along with lilian and also 2kids as well as we lived merrily until things began acquiring unsightly and our experts had arguments and matches practically every time ... this became worse at a factor that she filed for divorce ... I attempted my best to make her modification her thoughts & visit me result in i enjoyed her with all my heart and really did not intend to loose her yet whatever merely didn't work out ... she moved out of your home and still went ahead to apply for separation ... I tried as well as begged whatever yet still nothing operated. the excellent Dr i am actually delighted and really thankful wherefore you have actually created for me. I will definitely recommend you my buddies on the market that possess mental complications or wellness to call him right now via email oshogumspelltemple @ due to the fact that he has actually performed wonders in my life and also i believe he could aid you out in any kind of concern. Appears alone could create a male desire you sexually, but if you prefer him to fall in love, dedicate to a relationship, as well as observe you as his one and only, after that appears alone will not suffice. Yet merely saying no to one thing you take pleasure in, whether this is actually gelato or moving and various other facets of an unusual, bold sex lifestyle, will definitely certainly not make your need for it fade. This morning I was behind an individual in website traffic that determined they were going to create an ideal convert. Once they receive the points they believed would certainly create all of them happy, the truth is that most individuals carry out not come to be satisfied. If we are actually actually in touch with our inner emotions and certainly not reliant on all of them to make us satisfied, exterior sources can easily bring us greater interior peace as well as delight but simply. Many health plan brokers, facilities, physicians and medical facilities have begun making use of the distinct software applications and items, especially made for medical care, baseding on their needs. If you are actually seeking methods making loan, try to observe your center, but you should still stay functional. Without his guidance, our team will still be staying in our dreamland of happiness and also assuming every thing as well as everybody available are going to create our team delighted. When you have your foreplay and also make that thrilling every time you have sexual activity, make an effort different factors. Men will certainly be along with you in your atmosphere and certainly not alter a thing if you enjoy. If you liked this post and you would certainly like to get additional info regarding yellow pages uk search by name (celestial-health1.info) kindly go to our web site. So our experts might enhance our yearly revenue through manies countless dollars as well as still certainly not be as delighted as if we enhanced the stamina from our social partnerships. Therefore, decide to become a pleased individual and observe the self incentive ideas here under. Separation quotes are there to take and also happen to phrases along with your split up, assistance establish and deal with your feelings, assistance point you in the right path on where to go away and also to aid you begin thinking and staying good. Find, those could be comical but carrying out those things make me happy ... so select't waste time on damaging notions. Andrew was actually constantly therefore delighted that it thought specifically jerky when he got involved in some of his sulky state of minds. And if you intend to create your guy happy in the true sense, then you will certainly need to ensure changes in you. Caution must be had, nevertheless, when trying to overcome an affliction, as inexperienced wheels might really magnify it and also make it worse. Individuals throw colours on each other and also desire Pleased Holi." Folks also help make special recipes at their residence as well as consume with their pals. What creates me delighted could or may not significantly result in your joy And also talking genetics, there is actually a really good possibility that considering that our human brains are wired differently and make other amounts of chemicals that affect our thought processes, a few of us are going to possess a harder opportunity making a pleased relationship". Yet if those memories make him open to you and acquire him interested at that point, bring up additional from them as well as enhance because your marital relationship is just what he needs, up until you are actually particular ways to succeed your hubby back. Advise on your own that your emotion good is crucial - the better you believe, the much more you could give, and also the greater influence you can create around the world. My center stayed ever before confident that I would certainly locate a satisfied end, but because of some bad choices, I maintained throwing myself on the rocks of courting dissatisfaction. Right now unless you desire the partnerships to finish, you must do one thing to make amends for your activities that upset your close friend (or boyfriend or partner). I chose to consider things that make me delighted, then sought techniques to earn cash through performing them. I hope you discovered something useful in this particular quick post as well as dream you all the best as well as delighted functionalities. Perform one thing brand new now and then to make every meet remarkable and fantastic. First our experts must set our objectives, then our company must plan all of them, our experts have to create our To perform lists and also our team need to prioritize all of them. At first that was difficult as well as I physically could not make on my own perform that (it's not as very easy as some folks presume). But since I determined to become pleased as a specific I am responsible for my personal happiness. Lastly, if you need to know the best ways to produce a man desire you, after that don't be afraid to tease. You could use these 5 ideas making your next family collecting the expertise you've regularly really wanted. The most important factor that happened in my quite happy and existing relationship was my ability to center even more on creating on my own delighted, as opposed to on his potential to make me satisfied. Making this a lot more stylish, decide on frames which mixture white colored and silver or even white colored and gold. I dated a fella for about nine months, I completely feel happy whenever i am with him. Seeing you deal with the breakup thus properly is going to create your ex-spouse understand he skips you fast. If you wish to follow their top and also know how you can create a man fall for you, listed here are some do's as well as carry out n'ts to always remember. Those crazy feelings that you think as a result of your worries require not specify you. Locating solution to these concerns and also placing them into writing was actually not an easy task, however doing this has create me better than I have actually ever before been in life. And if you were to ask them if they mored than happy back then, they could locate the condition ludicrous even when not 6 months prior to they presumed they had actually discovered the potion from lifestyle when they were proceeding along with one more girl as well as experiencing the highs of a gathering. Hey Belle- You need to review the science rather than merely upload this and also make expectations. If you wish to be happy, you are going to absolutely enjoy and also you must understand that there is actually no chance to contentment which joy is the method. Our experts more than happy when our experts have family, our experts enjoy when our experts possess friends as well as almost all the various other things our team think make our team happy are actually merely methods of acquiring even more family and friends. There's a distinction, and you could change all your self-talk to become more beneficial, extra nurturing and also extra pleased.

0 notes

yourmanjume-blog · 6 years

Text

best astrologer in hyderabad

New Post has been published on https://blackmagicspecialistmantra.com/best-astrologer-hyderabad.html/

best astrologer in hyderabad

Life is not a bed of roses and each and everyone has to face issues at personal and professional levels. Dedication and hard work do pay but sometimes destiny can create obstacles for a person to get what he wants. In such cases, astrology can come to your rescue and help you improve your position in life by getting favorable results from your stars and planets. For this purpose, you need to have your horoscope prepared by an expert and then have it studied to find the root cause of problems you are encountering. If you reside in Hyderabad and want to get the best Astrology Services in Hyderabad, you can depend on the name of baba ji. He is a qualified and experienced astrologer, who has extensive knowledge of Vedic astrology, palmistry, numerology and vastu shastra. His expertise in vashikaran, kaal sarp dosha and all other astrological remedies is totally unmatched. In fact, no one can come even close to him, which is the reason why his clients have an unwavering faith in him.

The Rishis of ancient India have revealed many secrets of the universe with highly developed brain or the third eye. Astrology is based on Astronomical observations. Astrology can be equated with the light in a dark room. It is considered when the person can’t see any positive in his life or lost in a dilemma about the direction where he/she should go at that point Astrology come into existence and gives new life direction to people. Best astrologer in Hyderabad says about astrology that it does not only have concern over the fortune telling instead it also interprets about the logical personality of the person. It also makes you that, who are you and for what purpose have you taken birth. From the births of a child till his/her death the life is ruled by all the planets. When a child born, according to Hindu religious a priest makes Kundli of the born child, according to the date and time on which he/she has taken the birth. Due to astrology service in Hyderabad the child’s name and happening in his life and the future is predicted. Health, education, job, wealth, earnings, expenditure, marriage, illness, life partner, relationship, good or bad almost everything can be predicted.

lady vashikaran specialist

most powerful vashikaran mantra in hindi

best vashikaran specialist baba ji

best astrologer in hyderabad for love

Life is akin to a river that takes many twists and turns even as it flows along. Often these twists and turns leave us in high and dry situations that threaten to take away our peace of mind. In order to understand the spontaneity of life and be in harmony with it, we must be able to recognize the patterns and cycles that govern it. But how are we to do that? We need a knowledgeable guide to help us strive over such situations and lead us towards a successful and happy life. This is where Aadishakti comes into the picture. As the one-stop destination for astrology, spiritual healing, Ayurveda, yoga, and Vastu consultations, Aadishakti now offers its holistic services in Hyderabad to help you attain absolute control over your destiny or fate.

Whether you are interested in knowing about your future destiny or directing your fate towards a particular direction, astrology can greatly benefit you in your efforts. But getting in touch with someone who has complete expertise in this field can be easier said than done. That is why Aadishakti offers you the opportunity to reach out to the best astrologers in Hyderabad. The science of astrology is a vast discipline and not many can master it. At Aadishakti, we build the bridge between the famous astrologers in Hyderabad and the general people.

Every problem comes with a solution and all you need to do is seek out an expert solution provider. We enable you to do exactly that. We have helped numerous people overcome the distress in their lives by helping them connect with the appropriate solution providers. From the renowned Vastu consultants in Hyderabad to the best numerologists in Hyderabad, we lead you to the most reliable professionals in the industry. We draw immense satisfaction from the fact that each day we are able to help numerous people overcome their problems and tensions by consulting our experts. If you are also looking for an expert to win over your problems, trust Aadishakti.

best astrologer in hyderabad for love back

You can make the lawful marriage to your sweetheart and can carry on with an existence without issues with the help of the Love Astrologer in Hyderabad. Muslim astrologer offers the correct arrangement in the method for a wide range of issues in life. When you comprehend what you have to scan for expert care, so Baba Ji does everything conceivable for impact of taking care of their issues. Astrology ought not be taken as a deception; indeed, it is an extraordinary sort of religious science in light of the investigation of the places of galactic items and their impact on the different sorts of human life.

love vashikaran black magic specialist babaji

vashikaran vidya in hindi

vashikaran upay in hindi

best astrologer in Hyderabad, Are you lost and struggling in your life, Are loss and pain your only companions? If you are, then the revolutionary astrological services provider Gravedigger in Hyderabad is the only ray of hope for you in search of a divine sacred hand and perfect assistance to handle with stress and sadness in your lives .Vedic astrology is one of the ancient science which studies the aspects as well as the lives of natives in relation with the connection of nine planets in their horoscope. These planets have positive or negative effects on life depending upon their positions and astrology uses different means to correct these positions and derive the positive benefits of various planets. Vedicgrace elevates the principles of Vedic astrology and provides various Vedic services such as Vedic Astrology and consultations for different elements of life like career, marriage, health, finances and kundali services. We are always there in providing remedial programs like Vedic Yagna and meditation along with gemstones consolations according to the respective zodiac signs. Our Yagnas programs are performed by a group of experienced group of pandits and top astrologers who work as a team.

Marriages – Unable to find a suitable partner? Tired of rejections? Come to us and we’ll provide you with the best solutions to help planets come in your favour. Get Marriage Consultation From Best Astrologer in Hyderabad

best astrologer in hyderabad for true love

Kundli Milan – Matches are made in heaven. One that’s successful, is an institution indeed. Partners need to be chosen wisely, after careful consideration. Marrying in haste will only leave you with repentance in leisure. Kundli Milan helps in forecasting major problems that may dawn upon the couple. Let us be a part when you extend family. It is one of the most significant tasks to be undertaken before tying the sacred knot.

Get lost love back – If there are any problems like leaving your partner after a divorce, remarriage, love marriage, etc. we can help you get back your lost love. Don’t lose heart over the past when it can be rectified.

best astrologer in hyderabad

Astrology is an old Indian science which clarifies planetary movements and positions as for time and their impact on people and different substances on earth. Astrology can be followed a huge number of years back. We are the best astrologer in Hyderabad who has dependably pledged to upgrade Vedic astuteness through his prophetic knowledge. The procedure of discovering future and character of a person through of planets a star is called astrology. It is classified into three branches to be specific Rkastroworl, Indian astronomy, Hora. In general, we utilize horoscope soothsaying to appraise the conception outlines of the general population to peruse their psychological attributes, character a predetermination up to a certain degree. Label: top stargazer in Hyderabad, well-known crystal gazer in Hyderabad.

black magic vashikaran mantra in hindi

black magic removal specialist

best black magic specialist

best astrologer in hyderabad

Marriage and the adoration related perspectives are secured magnificently and guided by the Astrology. This superb Science offers us the most critical pieces of information to have every single part identified with marriage, right from the forecasts identified with the time was taken to get hitched to Astrological Yogas making impediment in your marriage. In Prediction of Astrology, by analyzing the horoscope of the individual concerned an Indian Vedic Astrologer tries to find an individual’s life or fortunes from the distinctive reason for points of view like occupation, calling prospects, business, property, wedding, marriage life, and so on. We are the best Jyotish in Hyderabad to assist our clients in every possible situation.

best astrologer in hyderabad

The mantra are the most significant meaning which makes a person capable to get dreams at the entrance, best astrologer in Hyderabad are perfect in granting any kind of solution, from the ancient time it is well known that there is nothing purest compared to love emotions and if a person is having agony in that then the person can ask for Love astrology from the astrologers. Best astrologer in Hyderabad offers a method to explore the things which lie beneath to the surface of experience of our life, so here we have a complete picture of all the mysteries informing day-to-day.

I Gl Ganapathi Sharma Born at Rajahmundry East Godavari District. I had done BA Astrology in four languages – Telugu, Hindi, Oriya, and English. I am giving services to the people about astrology since 15 years.

There many methods of fortune telling around the worlds. If you have heard stories from your mother or grandmother about their childhood or at their time what is the procedure of fortune telling technique they used. At that time priest and traditional old women of hills used to tell fortunes. But now you will find that the aspirants who are more into this also do graduation in astrology and practice for years.

best astrologer in hyderabad

Among all these astrology has taken center stage for long. In India astrology is also known as “Jyotish” and the person who does astrology is known as “Jyotishi”. But around the world according to English language Jotishi is called as an astrologer. Jyotish refers to the term which means the light leading to unending enormous.

In modern times it is known as Vedic Astrology. Vedas are considered to be the oldest scripture before the time of the evolution of civilization. In all Vedas, there is mentioning about the Jyotish. There are 36 Shlokas in Rigved, 44 in Yajurveda and around 162 in Atharved about Astrology i.eJyotish. This meant that at the time the Veda had developed knowledge of astrology.

Ganapathi Sharma the genuine astrologer in Hyderabad, born in Rajahmundry East Godavari District. He has done his graduation in BA Astrology in four languages- Telugu, Hindi, Oriya, and English. He is giving the services of astrology to the people, since 15years and he has much experience in Jyotish. He is the Best astrologer in Hyderabad who is not fraud and does correct astrology.

0 notes