#about to pass out but I drug myself from my coma to post these | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr was attacked by a cross-site scripting worm deployed by the Internet troll group GNAA on Dec 3, 2012.

#about to pass out but I drug myself from my coma to post these

inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

Text

JL Fic Recs: Angst With Happy Ending Pt. 3

Hey all!!

OKAY, so... I somehow LOST the original ask that this list was supposed to attach to, so I’m going to just offer it as a standalone list, because I need it posted for another ask I have, LOL.

So, for whoever asked about 2 months ago for Angst with a Happy Ending, this one is for you, LOL. I’m sorry, I have no idea why your post disappeared from my drafts. Enjoy, all, a rare List Without an Ask :). ENJOY!! And as usual, add your faves! <3

ANGST WITH HAPPY ENDING Pt 3

See also:

Angst With a Happy Ending

Angst With a Happy Ending Pt. 2

Angsty Fluff

A Room of One's Own by whitchry9 (K+, 2,174 w., 5 Ch. || S2 Timeline, Hurt/Comfort, Supernatural, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Coma, John Whump, Worried Sherlock, POV John, Angst, Friendship/Bromance, Hospital) – When a severe head injury lands John in a coma, somehow he ends up in Sherlock's mind palace. It's actually pretty nice there, and John is entertaining the notion of staying there, rather than returning to his broken body. But Sherlock isn't taking it as well, and John can feel him breaking around him.

To the Nines by suitesamba (M, 2,724 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Magical Realism, Pining, Angst, John Whump, Time Travel, Fortunes, Time Jumps) – John skips forward in time, and Sherlock reads the signs that point to nine. John knows he’ll eventually be with Sherlock, but the waiting is nearly impossible, and his body is a lot more than transport. A foray into magical realism where all the canon events occur, and a hell of a lot more.

Reversed by whitchry9 (K+, 3,072 w., 6 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Medical Anomolies, John Gets Shot) – The man pointed his gun at John's chest, right at his heart, and shot.' Wherein John is shot, and Sherlock is the one panicking.

Bridges by sussexbound (M, 6,602 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TLD / S4 Fix It, Love Confessions, Mending Relationships, Moving Back In, Pining Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Past Abuse, Shaving) – The silence between them is deafening, interrupted only by the hum of the traffic outside, and the soft click-clunk of the plastic cups Rosie is playing with on the floor beside them. It is the first time they have been alone together, since Sherlock’s birthday. It’s only been two days, but it feels huge, important, like there is a precarious bridge stretched out before them both that they need to at least attempt to traverse.

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

The Hand You're Dealt by Lady Sam Mallory (T, 12,092 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Light Violence, BAMF John, Doctor John, Injury, Friendship) – Sherlock, John and several others are trapped in a building when an explosion disrupts the crime scene they are working.

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world's only consulting detective will be on his own once again...or will he?

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names, Panic Attack) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination?, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Silhouettes by allonsys_girl (E, 28,585 w., 7 Ch. || Canon Compliant, POV John, Heavy Drinking, Sad/Depressed John, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Reunion, Foot Jobs, Blow Jobs, Infidelity, Cheating, Drug Use/Abuse, Anal, Switchlock, Rimming, Parentlock) – Sherlock and John find comfort in each other's arms, but as ever with these two, it's not your typical relationship. It's fluffy at the beginning, gets deeply angsty in the middle, gets porny at the end.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing.Almost...magical.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Inscrutable to the Last by DiscordantWords (M, 48,842 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Alternate S3, John’s Blog/S3 is a Story By John, Divorce, Marital Difficulties, John is a Mess, Emotional Reunion, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Grief / Mourning, Pining John, First Kiss, Adorably Clueless Sherlock, Nostalgia, Love Confessions, Eventual Happy Ending) – He wasn't Sherlock, he couldn't work miracles. All he'd ever been able to do was write about them.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets, Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love, Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU || Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) – A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater / Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU || BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #fic rec sunday #angst with happy ending #long post #angst fics #my fic recs

177 notes · View notes

mybeloved73 · 4 years

Text

My name is Chelsea and I’m a ITU Nurse.

I’m also a newly qualified nurse - I literally left Uni last year and began my job in the September.

My background - I didn’t always want to be a nurse. I wasn’t cut out for that sort of compassion or care. I dreamt of being a PT, an athlete, anything that was sports driven.

Until my boyfriend had a bike accident, that then left him in ITU. He later succumb to his injuries and passed away. The nurses looking after him, changed my life. Shining light kind of moment - I want to be just like them kind of thing.

Granted it took me 4 years to build up the courage, battling my PTSD, severe depression and anxiety to even apply to uni. But I did it - and Sept 2019 I got my Pin as a registered nurse.

Now, if you 1) think covid19 was made up, a conspiracy or the numbers have been made up as a scare tactic or 2) you actually believe wearing a face covering will cause ‘respiratory arrests’ ‘acidosis’ blah... stop reading. Because this isn’t for you. Or even 3) you have the view of ‘its their job’ - back away from your screen.

You’ve seen in the news about the public sector pay rise? That nurses aren’t included, nor the junior doctors, physio’s etc (I use etc as there are so many people being forgotten in all this and it is used lovingly and not to cause offence)? Honestly, Im so glad that others are being recognised for their input and help during this - the teachers who put in extra work for children of key workers, who sacrificed their home life to entertain little ones every day and try give them the education they need and deserve, to the police, military - anyone receiving this recognition. Honestly you deserve it. And the NHS will not shadow that or take it away from you.

We agree’d to a 3 year pay deal, that had the options of being reconsidered earlier than the final date if there was a change in circumstances. Covid19 should really be considered as a change in circumstances. I mean being told that you’re already ‘unskilled’ and watching people clap to STOP pay rises... was hard enough. But to have everyone else recognised for their vital contributions and lay something that was agreed in 2018 - is inexcusable.

You realise that most nurses didn’t get to see your claps on a Thursday? That’s handover time. And due to covid19 if their handover time was earlier - they were usually late because of how busy it was and still missed it.

I saw one. Because it so happened I had come off of nights the night prior.

So! My life during covid19 starts off with the busiest winter that my hospital has seen in ITU. We have 10 beds. We are funded for 7/8? We had to open an escalation centre that we stole from our day surgery unit to give us a further 3 beds.

Which in itself is hard - looking after seriously sick patients away from your actual designated and designed ward and without the continuous presence of doctors.

That wasn’t enough.

We had to then stole half of the recovery room, which usually houses patients post surgery whilst they wake up.

Going up to 16 patients. Remember - at this point. I’m THREE MONTHS qualified.

Learning is hard, steep, and in-depth. You’re suppose to be trained over the course of a year as a newly qualified, with study days and help from mentors etc. I couldn’t attend some of those days because we didn’t have the staff to look after the most patients our ITU had ever seen.

Now I know ITU is hard. I picked it.

I knew what it entailed, well partly.

I have to maintain my patients artificial airway. They either have a tube in their mouth or in their throat.

They’re then connected to a ventilator.

Every single setting on that machine, every button - changes something drastically.

From the fio2, PEEP, PS, PC, TV, MVE, PEAK, RR, PF ratio, ... one button, one alteration or mistake... literally can stop this person breathing. Cause respiratory distress, arrest.. trauma? anything.

Did you know I have to move that tube in their mouth every hour to stop pressure sores developing in their mouth? And I still have to brush their teeth and give oral care?

I have to suction down their throat and clear their lungs? Or suction their actual mouth for extra secretions?

And record all this data hourly.

To ensure that this patient is comfortable with this tube... I have to medicate this patient.

I have to keep them in an artificial coma.

Titrating the drugs to their optimum levels.

Some are measured mg/hr, mcg/hr, mcg/kg/min..

some have limits on maximum dose per hour you can use.

Some have really severe side effects.

Such as noradrenaline. Which can literally cause your fingers and toes to become necrotic.

I have to monitor someone’s glucose - whether you’re diabetic or not, and correct it if needed with insulin or dextrose.

I have to give diuretics but not allow your body to become too negative, I have to give fluid challenges to ensure you’re not vascular depleted.

I can help your kidneys with the use of a dialysis machine. Literally filter your blood of toxins your body can no longer remove without help of a machine. This requires constant blood tests to ensure that you aren’t collecting dangerous toxins or you need additional support from the machine.

I can use a machine to check your cardiac output and interpret it to make sure that you have enough fluid vs a drug that’ll help squeeze your heart instead.

I can read an ECG and tell if you need additional supplements such as potassium. Do further tests for magnesium, phosphates etc. And deliver those.

I can feed you through a tube down your nose, and ensure you absorb it. But it’s okay I can give you medication to also help that - these require me to do daily ECGs though, and interpret the data of your QTC to make sure it’s not affecting your heart.

Now. If that’s not enough. Covid happens.

Now remember our record was 16 patients?

Try doubling that.

We worked in our ITU,

Escalation centre

Recovery - we took the whole thing.

Next - we took over operating theatres.

3 patients in theatre 6

3 in 5

3 in 4

2 in 3

We stole theatre staff, recovery nurses, ODPS, ward nurses, retired nurses, health visitor nurses, anyone we could relocate to help us.

March - I’m 6 months qualified.

I’m now the most qualified ITU nurse in my theatre.

I have people who have never looked after a ventilated patients before asking me for help. Please don’t silence my alarm if you don’t know why it’s alarming. I know it’s loud and annoying but it’s telling me everything I need to know with enough time before I need to panic.

Now - covid patients weren’t just sick. Weren’t just needing help to breathe. These patients were all sorts of ‘new’. Nothing made sense!

These patients COULDNT be ventilated. We needed to paralyse them to literally be able to take over their breathing properly! No amount of sedation worked! Their lungs were fibrous and acting like elastic under tension.

Side note - if your patient wasn’t sedated enough compared to paralysis - they could be silently awake, but completely paralysed. Knowing everything happening to them. But unable to do anything - not even breathe. Every time you start rocuronium you need to remember that. If you’re withdrawing treatment - TURN THE ROC OFF FIRST. And wait before you do anything else.

Back to it. They were so unstable that you try roll them, which we usually do 4 hourly to prevent pressure sores - they desaturated to numbers so low that you would usually see some hypoxia brain injury after.

We couldn’t roll these patients without risking that. So you know what. You don’t roll.

So we couldn’t protect their skin integrity. You just watch them, and feel guilty.

Nursing school 101 - pressure sores are PREVENTABLE. Roll your patient. Skin care and hygiene is your best friend.

Now covid went against everything a nurse knows and holds dear.

Our ITU never had pressure sores. Until covid. Some had grade 4’s.

Maggot therapy.

Vacuum dressings.

These patients were also clotting, and sending off clots to their kidneys, liver, heart, brain. Covid made your blood super sticky!!!!

People were having strokes whilst being sedated, going from fit to multi organ failure in days. I’m trying to save these people, knowing they could possibly wake up with complete left side paralysis? Never talk again? Never be them again?

Now you know about these past medical histories etc?

You realise what that is?

that it could be Type 2 diabetes?

Hypertension?

That was it for some.

None of this thinking they were super sick, with lists longer than my arm, and that’s why they didn’t make it. No.

Literally things that happen with age. Poor diet? That 120/80 you’re happy you got - THATS PREHYPERTENSION.

I was probably hypertensive the entire time with anxiety.

Did you know We had to use the old anaesthetic ventilators. None of us had used those before. Those big bellows you see in films going up and down rhythmically. Those.

That was scary.

I’m use to a single touch screen button (hello modern technology) to deliver 100% o2 if my patient needs it. This has a switch to a bag, a button, dials to titrate o2 with normal air. And if I didn’t monitor the crystals in the bottom my patient would retain their own co2 and I wouldn’t know why.

New found love for anaesthetists and ODPS - these machines are NOT designed for prolonged use. But they helped us keep our patients alive. By literally guiding us and helping us look after the machines so we could do our job.

Now. All of this is made worse by PPE.

I’m hot.

It’s hot.

And intense and I’m working hard because tonight, I have 3 ventilated patients. By myself.

I have a gown on.

2 sets of gloves

An apron

An FFP3 mask

A hat

A visor

And no air con.

But I’ve got this. I can’t do my hourly checks because I am one person.

My super sick patients now have 2 hourly because it is physically impossible.

Where are the other staff?

Sick.

You’re watching these people struggle to breathe on machines and then being told your close friends at work, your mentors, your seniors are spiking temperatures. Some being admitted to hospital. Some not being able to come back to work for weeks.

Some ending up on your ventilators. It’s okay. I’ve got this.

I’m an ITU nurse right?

CPR wearing that get up. Is TOUGH. 27mins. I cried that day.

We lost 3 patients in 12 hours.

I held the hand of so many people as I turned off their ventilators because their families couldn’t be with them and no one should die alone. No one. I tried my best.. and then once my day had finished, I had to come home to my dad who is immunosuppressed. Who doesn’t understand boundaries. “Kevin stay in the other part of the house!”

*knocks on bedroom door with dinner*.

Proning. What an experience that is. And doing it Daily. The complications of that were scary before you even approach the patient.

So I’m going to flip my patient - who has a tube down their mouth to help breath, who is on medication for sedation, paralysis, to keep their blood pressure up.. from laying on their back - to laying on their front.

Seems easy?

Well it’s not. And requires like 8 people.

8 people.

We don’t have enough people as it is. So we now develop a proning team made up of everyone.

There are consultants, there are experts in their fields, there are physios and then I don’t know who else.

Honestly I couldn’t thank these people enough. More people would have died if we didn’t have a proning team. But now, people spent 23 hours laying on their front. Pressure sores on their faces. Potential of going blind? New complications of not being able to breathe we never expected.

We are finally back into one unit now. I’m still less than a year qualified. And I’m still running on adrenaline expecting this second wave. Those still reading, I know you’re thinking that she picked this job.

She knew what it meant.

And you’re right! Give me those complex drug calculations and ventilators. Oh and the scrubs!

But a pandemic? I didn’t pick that. The world didn’t pick that.

Honestly thank you, to the ward nurses - your lives got flipped upside down.

The physios who became best friends.

Consultants who literally got down and dirty with us.

To the domestics who cleaned furiously for us.

OT’s To literally orientate our patients when they’re waking up like 70 days later.

Every

Single

Person

Who

Helped.

Oh communication team made up of medical students, who updated the families because... I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave my patient. Not like this!

Matron who literally had to facilitate all this, with people who knew nothing about ITU. Being in ITU. Looking after ITU patients. Whilst her own ITU staff were sick, in hospital, or newly qualified, or working to the point they broke.

To the countless companies sending food, goodies, moral support !! Oh my god that was incredible to come to after not having a break for 6+ hours ... mmm... food!!

Did you know they’re offering support for the nurses to stop PTSD, or anxiety or just to help up digest what we saw? Psychological support for just doing your job?

But it’s okay.

We got a deal in 2018 for the pay.

We got clapped thursdays.

We all know that’s not enough, but we will still turn up for work.

We can’t leave our patients.

We can’t strike.

They’ll always mean more to us than pay. And the government knows that. Abuses that.

540 NHS staff lost their life doing ‘just their job’ - today the NHS staff walked through London protesting, to be heard. To be listened to. To be acknowledged. To be paid fair.

Sign the petition for us. Because we aren’t just here for covid. We’re here for life.

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/316307

And just put your mask on - please - for that hour you go shopping.

I’ve been wearing mine since March 6th. 13+ hour days. Developed a nice grade one on my nose, my friends faces bleeding from using a rubber respirator....

And We’ll be like this for the foreseeable future.

Now that we have the stocks to do so anyways.

Oh and I’m pissed my graduation was cancelled! All that and I don’t get to wear the hat and gown. Bastard virus. (I understand there was more lost but humour me).

Signed, your registered ITU nurse. We will always continue to monitor.

8 notes · View notes

endlesseden · 3 years

Text

I haven't taken public transport in about 5 years, decided it might be good to get the hang of things in case my family's last car decides to kick the bucket or something. Also, if I'm being honest I haven't left my home much at all in.... a long time. Was honestly starting to feel paranoid about being outside or leaving my house.

Anyways, I had to make a deposit at an ATM, found it was simple enough to get a bus pass to ride out to where I needed to be.

Turns out all the buses in my city are free at the moment since the drivers shouldn't be handling currency, so I hop on the bus and one of the guys nearby starts talking to me after informing me about the free rides and complimenting my jacket.

He explains he's an ex bull rider, showed me some of his scars he's acquired from riding bulls and talked about how he was in a coma for three months at one point after an incident. Mind you, this is totally unprompted, and I didn't ask him any questions at any point. Just a lot of "hmm's" and "uhuh's", but he kept going. He talked to me the entire ride to my bus stop, I wished him well and got off.

There was a restaurant near the ATM I wanted to try after making my deposit, and was a bit of the motivation for leaving the house, but I'm sad to say they're closed on Sundays. I shrugged it off and decided I should see if I could get some booze along with dinner, but the next restaurant I tried was closed as well, this time for renovations which google maps didn't indicate.

I found a sit down restaurant, got my drink and dinner ordered and as usual eating alone at a restaurant is always kinda awkward but eh I'm an awkward person it'll happen no matter what.

I pay my tab and decide its time for the trip home, wondering if this ride will have someone that will talk to me again. The bus stop's empty, except for an abandoned bag with something in it, just as I'm wondering if today's the day I get blown up in some weird domestic terrorist bus stop incident a guy calls out to me.

"Hey! Is there a blue bag next to ya?" "Yeah!" he's out of breath and so thankful the bag is still there. He explains that it has his sleeping bag and that he's homeless and a drug addict. He's rummaging through his bag and then he finds out that his clean needles were stolen, told me a clean needle costs $3.99 and if I had any money to spare. I said yeah, and sympathized with him saying I'm not that far off from being homeless myself and gave him a few dollars.

He took off wishing me well, and I hopped on the bus which was an uneventful ride home.

Not much point to this post, just thought it was odd the first time in 5 years I venture out to just run around I basically have a 2 hour adventure.

#eden mumbles #woah an actual blogger post and not like memes #hope this post isn't too boring to read #long post

2 notes · View notes

atruththatyoudeny · 5 years

Text

Monthly Reads | May 2019

Happy 28th! If you want to promote your fic or your artwork head on over to @kingsofeverything and send Lauren a message! She’s doing self recs - fics and art - today. Thank you to all of you amazing authors who brighten my world with your words ♥ Here are all the fics I read and loved this month:

Let Our Hearts Collide || crinkle-eyed-boo (KimmieRocks) || While You Were Sleeping AU - 90s - mistaken identity - fake/pretend relationship - coma - amnesia - pining - grief - 76k When Harry, a lonely transit worker, saves the life of the handsome commuter he's been secretly pining for, an innocent mistake results in Liam Payne's family believing that Harry is engaged to their son. In the Paynes, Harry finds the big family he's always longed for...and a love he never saw coming.

Can't Help Falling || Anonymous || open ending - 15k The one where Harry's a workaholic, until best mates Liam and Niall drag him away for a holiday to Ibiza.

24K Magic || Justalittlelouislove || famous/not famous - drug use - 32k A fic based on 24k Magic by Bruno Mars, in which Harry's a mess and famous, Louis is a mess and not, Liam and Zayn are probably hiding something, and Niall is a horrible flatmate.

For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry || amomentoflove || vampires - past abuse - slow burn - angst - depression - anxiety - 50k Harry is cold. His bones ache. Every movement draws a whimper from his cracked lips. The stone underneath him is practically like ice. He’s numb, but can clearly feel the sharp pains on his neck every timeHe visits him. Below the icy cold, the achy bones, and the pain on his neck, Harry Styles is pissed. There’s a fire burning in his mind and the anger for the man who keeps him imprisoned is the fuel. He despises him, the man who feeds from him and is a daily reminder that Harry’s suffering won’t end. The man who keeps Harry so weak that he can barely move most days. Harry’s waiting for the day when his owner will go too far and finally kill him. Death must be better than this cold hell he is in. It won’t happen, though. He has a way of keeping Harry’s heart beating. So for now, all Harry can do is wait for death to come. He’s been waiting for years.

Consequences || allwaswell16 || amnesia - exes to lovers - getting back together - injury recovery - angst - 74k Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

The Fire and the Fate || dimpled_halo || A Star Is Born AU - depression - alcohol abuse/alcoholism - addiction - drug abuse - famous/not famous - angst - hurt/comfort - break up - post-break up - getting back together - 56k An A Star is born au with a happy ending. Harry is a troubled musician about to reach the end of his rope when he finds Louis singing in a club one night. He’s instantly mesmerised by the man with blue eyes and breathtaking voice.

And That's The Tea || 2tiedships2 || a/b/o - soulmates - strangers to lovers - friends to lovers - 27k The one where Louis loses his soulmate before even getting the chance to meet them, and he is in no way prepared for the kind of distraction his new friend Harry proves to be.

I Must Confess (I Still Believe) || objectlesson || High School - Catholic School - Girl Direction - coming of age - self-discovery - self-doubt - self-acceptance - angst - pining - slow burn - internalized homophobia - 44k Harry is the new girl at an all girl Catholic Girl's School, and Louis is the unattainable, dashing senior who changes her forever.

Like A Siren In The Night || whoknows || a/b/o - light dom/sub - 24k “There is an infestation in my home,” Louis hisses, righting himself quickly and pushing his way past Harry, heading directly for the kitchen. He’s rather haphazardly dressed himself, a coat thrown on over a loose flannel shirt and black pants, slippers on his feet. Harry resists the urge to sigh, closing the door and trailing behind him slowly. “What kind of infestation?” For all he knows, Louis is going to claim that there’s a ghost infestation. Harry has no idea what the end game is here – all he knows is that Louis has found at least three complaints a week to bring up since he’s been living on Harry’s property, and he’s been living here for six months. It’s way too many fucking complaints, is what Harry is saying. Especially when most of them are ridiculous to start with.

Let Me (Be Your Girl) || dimpled_halo || Girl Direction - cheating - pwp - 6k Louis hires Harry to help her find out things about her husband. What she doesn't expect is to discover some things about herself in the process.

Come together || bottomlinsons || college/university - One Night Stands - miscommunication - angst - pining - 11k Harry and Louis slept together three weeks ago, and haven't talked. Their coming group project is gonna change that.

Tonight's not over (come over and stay) || louistomlinsons || famous/not famous - fluff - 17k Harry is a famous singer and louis is a student who just wants to write his novel

Born Ready For You || taggiecb || Sequel to That's What I'm Here For - children - adoption - family drama - 2k Harry and Louis' life gets turned upside down once again with an unexpected visitor.

Getting high in mine || bottomlinsons || meet-cute - drug use - 4k Getting home from a festival is miserable by any method, but a three-hour train ride is truly the bottom of the barrel. This time, though, with the help of the cute guy sitting on the floor, it might not be so bad.

The Daddiest Place on Earth || lovelarry10 || Social Media - Disney World & Disneyland - strangers to lovers - 23k Louis. Harry. Instagram. A whole lot of confusion and a whole lot of laughs...

I Won't Give Up So Come And Get Me || runaway_train || strangers to lovers - Blind Date - 15k The one where Louis meets Harry and it all just seems too good to be true...

Picking Up The Pieces || Halos_Boat || strangers to friends to lovers - angst - slow burn - emotional hurt/comfort - 72k Harry just signed his second set of divorce papers. He felt like his life was over, like he had nothing left. Then he meets Louis.

Ready, baby? || jaerie || pain kink - rope bondage - earrings - 1k Harry gets an earring. Louis is the one to do it. Or a pain kink drabble.

Impress Me || lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes) || Chefs - homelessness - fluff - 5k Harry's a new chef who can't cook to save himself, but when he meets Louis, he learns more than he thought possible

Drunk in Love (last thing I remember) || MrsStylinson || fluff - pining - banter - 22k The one where Louis wakes up, naked, in a stranger's bed and has no idea how he got there. Maybe it's foul play. Maybe it's just the kindness of a handsome stranger amused by his drunken antics.

Take The Bitter With The Sweet || rainbowslovehl (Larrymateforlife) || Coffe Shops - fluff - pining - 7k Liam recruits Louis to spy on the 'rival cafe', which Louis is less than enthusiastic about but it does lead him Harry, the pretty barista who works there.

Harry Poppins || jacaranda_bloom || strangers to lovers - kid fic - hurt/comfort - past character death - fluff - 32k When Louis’ best friends pass away he finds himself with an instant family. Maddie and Thomas are wonderful children but take an immediate dislike to every nanny that sets foot inside their house. After nanny number six is summarily dismissed Louis is at his wit’s end, that is until an unusual man arrives on their doorstep. Harry Styles is like nothing any of them have ever encountered before, and perhaps, exactly what they’ve been looking for all along.

You Bring Me Home || reminiscingintherain || Saving Mr Banks AU - fluff - 22k The one where Louis wants to turn Harry's book into a film, and Harry's very picky about what happens.

Big, Bright World || || pining - jealousy - slow burn - cheating - miscommunication - 35k It really was just a little crush in the beginning, nothing to be worried about. Louis had never really liked anyone he'd worked with in the past, but he was sure he could control himself. Little did he know that over time his 'little crush' would develop into a blazing inferno of Hell-fire proportions. Every day, Louis' feelings became more intense, more immediate, each little smile and gesture and silly flirtation mounting up into something palpable, with a life of its own. Louis felt it every moment they were together. The only problem? Harry was engaged to someone else and had been from the moment Louis started working at Visionary.

Barren Souls || Snowy38 || Dystopian - mpreg - angst - emotional hurt/comfort - 37k It's 2907 and things are different. Organic men and women are no longer fertile and only genetically modified humans are permitted to procreate. The sexes have equalled, men are able to give birth in these dire times and roles have been created to both sire children ('Stud') and carry them ('Provider'). Public displays of affection are a criminal offence and the procreators cannot get emotionally attached without severe consequences. Harry has hit 19, the legal age to bear children. He's looking forward to producing babies for his host family and he's just had his placement confirmed. All that's left now is to meet the Stud who'll impregnate him. It might tug at his heartstrings thinking about the beautiful babies he'll be carrying who he'll have to let go but he's trained for this. He's spent his whole life preparing. Being a Provider is a special job and Harry's one of the chosen.

In a sky full of stars, be my Northern lights || Anonymous || strangers to lovers - fluff - travel - 13k It's one of those nights there's nothing on the telly that Louis absently scrolls through Tinder. After swiping left on a bunch of profiles he comes face to face with a picture that stops him in his tracks. The picture is..almost sweet. It’s a boy with brown curly hair, wearing a very low cut yellow blouse, paired with a black jacket. He’s got a smile on his face and his tongue sticking out, but it’s not in any way lewd or suggestive. He just looks like he’s having a good time, and something about the innocence of it has him swiping right rather than left. He’s barely checked the other pictures on the boy's profile before Tinder confirms that he’s got a match. The shots are so different from the pictures Louis is used to on Tinder - half naked boys who are smoldering at the camera - that he can’t help but smile. It quickly turns into a frown when he opens up the message he’s just received. Harry: Hello! Harry: Thank you for swiping right Harry: I have a proposition for you

#28th appreciation #1d fanworks appreciation day #fic rec #my reads #my fic rec #monthly reads #1d fanfiction #larry fics

124 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

740

‘Does your best friend bother you more than anyone else? This is so weird. Someone wouldn’t be my best friend if all they did was annoy me. If one of my best friends did start to bother me with anything they’re doing, we’re close enough for me to comfortably call them out on it. Who is your best friend? Angela and Gab. Do you like someone right now? A lot more than that at this point. Do you even think you stand a chance with this person? I’ve been with them a handful of years now, so yes. Do you consider yourself truly happy? Not truly. I can generally keep myself happy but I’ll sometimes have days where I’m anxious, angry, hurt, confused, lost, or all of the above. It’s a work in progress.

How often do you cry? I want to say at least once a week; that's pretty accurate. Are you emotional? Yes. What is the worst thing you would do for 10 million dollars? I find these questions so stressful to think about lol. Just give me scenarios to do for $10 million and I’ll tell you if I’m willing to do it. Have you ever had/do you have an eating disorder? [trigger warning] No. But when my depression was at its roughest a part of me wanted to try adding self-starvation to the other methods I was already using to harm myself at the time. Didn’t really work out. Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? Cut, yes. Burned, technically yes, but I didn’t know it would hurt me. When I was 7 I thought I had some sort of invincibility so I placed a finger on a clothes iron that was plugged in at the time. So I kinda did it on purpose, but not because I wanted to burn myself lol? If that makes sense? What do you think of people that do? Hope that they have people around them who care for them and can help them pull themselves out of that hole. What's your opinion on drugs? Have you ever done any? Scary, especially the hard drugs. I’ve seen Breaking Bad, Trainspotting, and Requiem for a Dream to know not to try them lol. I’ve only had milder ones like caffeine, nicotine, and painkillers. Have you ever noticed the hidden adut jokes inside of kid shows/movies? When I encounter the episodes these days, yeah I would notice them. When I was a kid they used to be just sentences that didn’t make sense to me. Do you want to be famous? Why? I’m not opposed to it. I wanna be able to travel places, get freebies, and afford a lot of nice clothes, but I’m also not willing to do absolutely anything or lose who I am just to get famous.

Do you sin often? I don’t really think of that anymore. What are your views on God? Nope. What do you think happens after you die? I go to sleep permanently, which for me is the most peaceful way to think of death. Sometimes if I’m feeling a little alone or helpless, it’s just as comforting to also think of the possibility of reuniting with my lost loved ones when I die, like my lolo or the great-grandparents I never met. Are you afraid to die? I’m afraid of dying painfully, if anything. Like I don’t want to be stuck in a burning room or have a ceiling collapse on me, you know? If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? Yes. Have you ever felt that you weren't good enough? Of course. Do you have any siblings? If so, are you jealous of them? Yes. I’m not jealous/envious of Nina, but I do sometimes wish I had a talent that was as tangible and recognizable as hers – she’s an artist and an editor, and very good ones. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Why or why not? I mean we don’t hate each other, but I wouldn’t go running to their arms if I had a problem. We have a more buddy-type relationship.

Are you always wanting more? Yep, I’m quite materialistic. Do you make good first impressions? You’d have to ask the people I’ve ever met. I hope I do, though. Do you feel bad for obese people, or do you just laugh? I am so unimpressed with this question. What would you do if you were obese? Idk, it would depend on the mindset I have once I’m at that point. Are you ashamed of your past? Not ashamed. I just wish it had a lot more happier days. Do you miss your past? No. Do you have a song lyric that describes where you are in life right now? Ain’t it fuuuuun living in the real wooooorld ain’t it goooood being all alooooone Who are you closest to in your family? In my immediate family, it’s probably my sister. But generally speaking, it’s my eldest first cousin on my mom’s side. Do you ever open up to people? Yes, but I’m also private. Like I wouldn’t just share my life story with anyone - you have to ask about it and know which questions to ask. Do you consider yourself guarded? Why or why not? Sure. I’ve had shitty people come in and go out of my life throughout the years. Are you an honest person? I guess. Do you like animals? Love them, except cockroaches and flying cockroaches.

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? I...don’t really have an opinion lol and I don’t know if I should. I don’t know the first thing about medical ethics. Are you a control freak? In a group setting, mostly yep. Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you're losing all control? I like getting drunk but only until a certain point, i.e. when I feel giddy enough to socialize with strangers or start dancing. I’ve had a couple of bad experiences from drinking too much and it’s always so embarrassing the day after. What do you think happens when you go into a coma? I’ve read accounts on Reddit from people who used to be in one and the stories vary. Some stayed passed out through the whole thing, others dreamt in a lot of vibrant colors, others had dreams that they considered metaphors for dying, others were a little aware of what was happening or being said around them. Do you think the internet is dangerous? I know it is, lmao.

Name all the social networking sites you use: Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, YouTube, Linkedin. I re-installed Snapchat recently but I don’t use it for social media. Do you think anyone truly knows who you really are? My best friends do, in different ways. Have you ever given anyone the chance to really get to know you? Yes. Do you block people out of your life when they start to get too close? No. It’s very rare that that gets to happen so when it does, I keep them around. Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? I think both experience a lot of pressure in very different ways. It’s not a contest. Do you care what impression you make on people? Kinda, especially if they make the wrong one lmao. Do you think TV is too much of an influence on today’s youth? If anything today’s TV has a lot of responsible representation from sexual consent and coming out and mental health to POCs, which gives off a suuuuper positive influence to kids and young teens these days who now feel like they can see themselves in the characters they meet and scenarios they see. Racism, sexism, homophobia, and all the other -isms and -phobias never get to fly by in this age anymore and that’s a great thing too. Just look at Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Sex Education, Itaewon Class, and I wanna say The Good Place? but I’ve never seen it. What do you think people would do if all the computers crashed? I honestly think that would be the last straw that would break the camel’s back for people to start chaotically freaking out lol. There’s too much happening as it is. Honestly, do you say racist things? Filipinos in general are resentful towards mainland Chinese but that’s because they have bullied us for so long, they’ve literally shit on our historical parks, they keep buying our lands, they claim our seas, and they belittle and mistreat Filipinos, especially the ones who work as OFWs in China. We wouldn’t be as racist if most of them didn’t act like such assholes to begin with. Personally, I don’t verbally say racist stuff but I will judge mainland Chinese in my head if I come across them or hear another incident of them misbehaving. Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? No, which I’m quite grateful for. They just let me do my thing, they ask me what jobs I want without hinting what they want for me, they let me fantasize about my dream purchases once I have a salary without guilt-tripping me over letting them have a share of my money, that kind of stuff. Has anyone you loved ever died? Two big people in my life. Do you think people overreact when their pets die? Not at all. Pets are family, and everyone’s reactions are valid. I remember when Lorde’s dog died and people were either 1) making fun of her and called her overreacting when she said she was gonna be unable to release new music for the meantime, or 2) stoked that her new music is probably gonna be sad and emotional because of her dog’s death, and I thought both were terrible. Do you know who you are, or what you want to become? I’m getting there, don’t pressure me lmfao. Do you have your future mapped out? Or are you just taking it day by day? Day by day. I have a good big picture planned out, but I also like living in the now. What are you going to do now? I dunno if I want to take another survey or watch YouTube videos now. But directly after hitting post on this I’ll definitely take another sip of my coffee and give my dog cuddles for a few minutes since he just woke up from his nap.

#survey #surveys

2 notes · View notes

thislife-onwheels · 4 years

Text

What It’s Like When Your Medical PTSD Becomes Reality

I wish I were making this up.

I wrote previously about my medical PTSD, crippling flashbacks, and other symptoms. Shockingly, it resonated with hundreds, if not thousands, of people who said that although their physical diagnoses were different, the mental scars of post-traumatic stress disorder that remained were a common thread. I struggled with right along with the strangers who read my words, and prepared my body and mind for one of the scariest surgeries I've ever had: my second baclofen pump placement for secondary dystonia associated with cerebral palsy. The surgery, one that works well for the vast majority of people, appeared a success. I responded well to the intrathecal therapy, and after close monitoring and a week in the hospital, I was sent home.

Mentally, however, I was in a different place entirely. Throughout my hospital stay and my time at home during recovery, I was in a dissociative state. Moreover, I couldn’t look down at my lower left abdomen where the hockey puck shaped internal drug pump lay. As a child, it stuck out of my skin quite significantly, leaving me in fear of myself. When I went on to overdose, there was a very real and palpable fear among not just myself, but my family and doctors, that it would kill me. This impacted me so deeply that I was working through exposure therapy to be able to look at the second pump, still sticking out of my skin, with my therapist—even if only for a few short seconds.

Eight days after my discharge from the hospital, my worst fears became reality.

"Everything is fine; don't panic," I told myself, pushing away racing thoughts as nothing more than anxiety while my legs visibly spasmed in my bathtub. I have an incredibly high threshold for pain and spells that make my body contort for hours with even the slightest of movements were a common occurrence prior to surgery. Despite the fact that this surgery was done to prevent this type of pain from occurring, I thought this spell would pass, like all the ones before it.

Needless to say, that's not what happened.

After an hour of agony and dystonic movements so severe it began to physically interfere with the ability of others to care for me, I broke down and called my hospital, barely able to get words out due to the sheer amount of pain my body was in. Speaking to the nurse that handles urgent patient needs, I told her that I had just been discharged from the hospital for pump placement the week before, in addition to the unbearable pain that was getting progressively worse.

"You don't sound good," she said. "I'm transferring you to the doctor."

My heart dropped. I held onto a sliver of hope and said a prayer.

When he answered, he told me to take my oral baclofen, and if I didn't see improvement in two hours, to come into the ER. I took my oral medication while a friend continued to pray for me.

An hour later, I was delirious; I blacked out in the car while my mother drove. When I got to the hospital, my mom proceeded to drive my power wheelchair through the emergency room, while I moaned, rocking back and forth.

Then, just like when I was a child and overdosing from the device, I fell into a coma. I woke up, but the days that followed were a mix of delirium, pain, multiple emergency surgeries, and darkness.

As it turns out, a spinal fluid leak--a complication from surgery that we tried to prevent by carefully monitoring my incisions for the previous two weeks, combined with E. coli bacteria--caused the pump, and my central nervous system, to become infected with E. coli bacterial meningitis. It's an infectious disease affecting the brain and spinal cord that can kill very quickly from the onset of symptoms.

Two weeks later, I was out of the ICU, but very, very weak, bed bound, and receiving daily IV antibiotics through my jugular vein. My PM&R physician came into my room on rounds, profusely offering her sympathies. "When I saw what happened," she said, softly, "My heart dropped into my stomach, because that's an infection that spreads fast. I don't know what your religious beliefs are..."

She trailed off.

To say my medical-induced PTSD has at times been overwhelming since this occurred four months ago is a massive understatement. One of the emergency surgeries was to remove the baclofen pump. I am now faced with the decision to have a third placed due to my pain from secondary dystonia and spasticity getting progressively worse; pain that can leave me incapacitated and that is triggered from speaking, swallowing, or even slightly contracting nearly any muscle.

Despite the fact that this is a planned two week admission to address a potential spinal fluid leak before it becomes infection, the scars--physical and mental--remain. More so than ever before, my brain views pumps as ticking time bombs, and my body remembers, too. The worst part about medical PTSD, for me, is the legitimate threat of past traumas reoccurring, over and over. Because my body and treatments are viewed by my brain as a threat, my traumas haunt my past, present, and even my future. However unlikely I am to have life-threatening complications from my next placement, my mind is always on alert, prepared to fight.

It is my ultimate wish for this type of PTSD to be more closely studied and taken seriously among researchers (I myself did a project on this as apart of my undergrad social work program). I believe this type of trauma is far more common and impactful than we currently know, among children and adults alike. All individuals who have these traumas deserve to have their fears validated, and treatment readily available. I’ll close once again with these final words.

If you’re experiencing these things, know this:

You’re real.

You’re valid.

I see you.

#Medical PTSD #Trauma #bacterial meningitis #baclofen pump #cerebral palsy #dystonia

2 notes · View notes

alitheamateur · 5 years

Text

The Grind-Chapter 21

Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of actions related to a sexual nature.

A/N: Since I punished you all with that painfully short chapter yesterday, I felt it only right not to make you wait for this load of story. Buckle down kids, this is a lengthy bit!

The tense way our bodies snuggled to each other as we traveled now down a quieter four lane highway, was an immensely warm consummation I had grown addictively accustom to. Occasionally, he’d drop one hand from steering the bike to pet over my arms clutched to his waist, stroking a thumb to the skin he found there. I smiled in secret at the chills that arose at his feverish, yet boyish touch, knowing he was smiling himself at the reaction his contact triggered. The greenery and much clearer air, free of the industrial, city smog, painted a storybook picturesque view of rural Pittsburgh. Where in the blazes could he be dragging me? Not saying the lushness of the apparent countryside didn’t lull me into a satisfactory coma of contentment at the slight similarities I found of Westfield.

I saw his wrist twitch letting off the accelerator, and our speed decreased turning near a lot with a simple painted sign reading “Duquesne Inlcine.” The location seemed maybe vaguely familiar, like I’d heard it mentioned in a passing conversation sometime or another, but I couldn’t say I was properly acquainted. The vast variety of parking was well, strangely a ghost town. The weather was sheer sunshine perfection, it was the weekend, so where were all the people? He pulled off his helmet, revealing the heat of the sun that had been trapped around his head causing his locks to appear spritzed with sweat, and a whimper of surprise at his exterior escaped me. Was I ever going to grow suitably acclimated with just how gloriously handsome he was in entirety? Judging by the current timeline of events, he would only grow more attractive with age, and I would become even more vulnerable to his refined features. Time was on his side, and only a mere year or so had passed since I’d seen him up close. Only now, that particular day, his eyes weren’t nearly as bright with blue, and their usual glint absent when I looked deeper. Was he... nervous?

“Bet no one has drug you up here since you moved?” He shook my ears to attention.

“You’ve got me there. Where, where are we exacty?” I returned his question with one of my own, pulling off the helmet. Silently praying my hair wasn’t as out of place as the ones his head. Messy, tangled bedhead wasn’t a look that suited me as it did him. Why are you staring, Liv. You’ve seen the man naked and you’re shook up by some disheveled hair? Get laid, you pathetic hag.

“Ya’ gonna love it, Livvy,” his accent making me smile serenely. It appeared to thicken under three particular emotions: excitement, anger, and.. arousal. Three emotions that the brash drawl worked with ever so dangerously perfect.

“Colt, hey, uhm, where is everyone though? Like where is anybody actually?” He only let go of my hand to graciously hold a door open before returning the smile to a young man behind a counter in the lobby. He was younger than Colton and myself, only by a few years, and had a build similar, however much less intimidating to my date for the day.

“Allen, how are ya, you little shit?” Colton’s hand was settled around my waist squeezing lightly over my hip as he addressed the kind leer of this Allan character standing at a register. They shook hands briefly, and I felt oddly like an intruding bystander gawking about while the two men exchanged hellos.

“I’m not doing too bad, Ritter. Not as good as you clearly, beating all those asses in the cage these days.” He complimented in a congratulatory, yet envious voice.

“Don’t even start, bro. You been doin’ damn good for yourself, I ain’t blind.” Colt argued. “Hey, this is Liv, by the way, Al,” he winked at me with is introduction.

“Very nice to meet you, Allen. Clearly you guys know each other?” I giggled gesturing a handshake over the counter to his accepting palm, still utterly clueless to what we were indeed doing here.

“Yeah, babe. Allen’s a fighter too, I busted him a couple times when we were first starting out.” I saw him side eye towards his friend gauging a reaction to his snide comments. “His his family runs the place here, so I called in a favor with an old friend to bring ya’ here.”

“Smug bigshot here rented the place out for you, Liv. What the hell do ya’ have on ‘em?” Allen burst out quickly, then lost his smile once realizing that little detail may have been intended to remain a secret.

I lifted a hand to tug at Colton, my eyes yielding a flood of gratitude, confusion, flattery, reserve at how much this ordeal had to have cost him, and scolding him for going to such unnecessary, yet deeply appreciated lengths.

“Let’s go, babe. C’mon I wanna show you what were doin.” His own hand outreached to touch my reddening cheek with his battered knuckles.

I followed to a windowpane, gazing out to discover a machine resembling some sort of cable car, tucked carefully into the tree sprinkled hillside. Then, farther left, trailing down the funicular built to carry the car, the wide spans of what seemed to be the entire south side of Pittsburgh was nestled comfortably inside the bosom of the Ohio River. My cheerful face began to hurt from the extended upturning of my expression. Hot rays of the sun were gleaming reflections off the rippling water, whose color closely resembled the one in the eyes I felt staring at me from the back.

“OK, it’s ridiculously beautiful up here, Colton. God!”

“You like it, do ya’? Just wait till you see it all from the trolley. Dad used to bring me here every year for the 4th of July so we could see all the fireworks around the city.” He nodded to his right, indicating we take our places so he could show me the view he so apparently loves of his city.

The motor operated car doors slid open in unison reveling a wicker basket placed alone in the center of the empty box lined with seats. The lid of the picnic basket closed, displaying a ribbon tied bundle of pink peonies, of course. This batch however more conservative than the hefty dozens from my birthday. He thankfully read my mind, carefully stepping up behind to take me into his warm embrace, resting his prominent chin on the shoulder next to my ear.

“Whaddya think, Livvy?” His hot question shivered down my neck. Literally hot, his own breaths nearly incinerated my eardrum like some sort of well-trained dragon. The pattering of his pumping heart in the middle of my back was like the unsung lullaby I never knew I needed. I almost internally feel the cadence of my own heart catch up to sync with Colton’s.

Kiss him. Now. RIGHT NOW. Who needs pride anyway?

I loved and feared all the same the effect he had on me always. A new emotion enraptured me every time he was near, each more overwhelming than the last, and I felt him willing me to lose control. But, the pangs of heartbreak seized a friendly reminder when I felt I’d give in to those wet, desirable lips, and I held off. For now.

“You did.. ok, I guess,” I shrugged fighting to remain stern, stifling a smile behind cherry flavored lips.

“Damn, tough crowd. Ya’ little critic.” The man huffed out with an exaggerated roll of his smiling eyes. “Well, it worked for all those other girls I brought up here….”

Counter, Colton Ritter. Two could play those games, seemingly.

I threw a rear jab with my elbow to his still closely pressed abdomen, choking a goofy giggle of pain, and pleasure. He loves any fiery reaction he suck out of me.

“Easy there, slugger. I’m kiddin’. You know that!” He defended lowly. “Besides, you know there’s only one particular green-eyed girl I have eyes for.”

My God. Usually, that sickeningly, derivative come on would’ve sent me gagging a mile in the opposite direction, running for the hills around me. But, things I normally viewed as stupid, and cheesy, and even.. unintelligent coming from most, made me feel so utterly warm with affection coming from him. I think it’s because I know when they come from his particular mouth, they’re genuine. He doesn’t have a plethora of douchebag pick-up lines tucked away in the rolodex of his mind. He’s never needed it. Girls crumbled at his very feet, which was much, MUCH to my dismay. I can’t recall how many times precisely that I worked myself into a jealous frenzy over some harlot trouncing her perky bust brazenly under his nose, grasping for one lingering look from him.

“So, what’s for lunch then? My breakfast is wearing off.” I inquired as I slowly walked around the empty car, mentally tucking away snapshots of this utterly astounding view resembling something from a post card.

We ate quietly seated next to each other towards the front of the car, the Pittsburgh skyline painting a backdrop of pure beauty. Colton had kept it simple with his picnic basket, stuffing it with fresh fruits, some light sandwiches, and much to my satisfaction, a stockpile of my favorite truffles from the bakery neighboring The Grind. He had the memory of an elephant.

When he had pulled out the stashed box of dark chocolates from the bottom of the basket, he giggled with a shaken head at the child-like gasps and eager hand claps from me, instantly recognizing the golden, polka dot box. I still wanted to kiss him. Deeply, kiss him. The desire to do so hadn’t subsided a single inkling since his arrival to retrieve me. Matter of fact, it probably tripled. And the unintentional, habitual way he always licked that perfect pink lower lip of his after pulling it between his top row of teeth was only persecuting me all the more. I want to bite that lip. Let me! let me do it!

“Thank you, Livvy babe.” He chimed randomly, shocking me from the salacious thoughts of him that were currently running on an endless loop in my head.

“For what, exactly?” Tucking the third truffe shamelessly in my mouth. “I should be the one thanking you. For all this..”

“Thank you for agreeing to come with me today. Ya’ didn’t have to, and honestly I didn’t fuckin’ deserve it.” His head dropped and his hand went to the back of his head, a worrisome practice of his own, I’d noticed.

I couldn’t bare the weighted sadness shown over his tightly drawn in mouth. A year ago, maybe. Maybe it would’ve felt like a sweet reward of revenge, after the hasty, crushing things he said to me. But now, it was like a bullet wound festering through my belly. Why couldn’t he see what I see in him? Yes, he is violent. Yes, he’s very much possessive and crude, and sometimes demented with anger, but he’s much more. I see his kindness, the genuinely raw way that he’s so ferociously protective over those he cares for. Colton is intelligent, he’s fearless, he’s the most brutally dedicated man to his career. Maybe all too much. He was extremely gentle sometimes, too. So innocently, childishly so. Physically, and verbally as well, if the particular moment called for him to be so.

The other hand, he was darkly passionate, almost fearfully passionate at times, actually. And I do love those passionate moments. Damn it. But surely. Surely if he didn’t see all those interior, loveable characteristics I recognized, he had to know he was beautiful. He was a human being with color changing, blue/gray/green eyes, for goodness sake. He was picturesque sex, truly. The way he carried his shifty, built shoulders, and the way he always slid his hands in his pockets when he walked. Agonizingly accentuating his ink plastered biceps, the biceps that could probably crush steel beams in the company of Superman himself.

I took his hand, succumbing to my screaming desire to do so. “Colt, don’t. How long are you going to beat yourself up over it? I’ve forgiven you, okay? I have.”

“I’ll quit beatin’ myself up when everything is back to the way it fuckin’ should be!” He was growing frustrated internally the more we dwelt on the topic. “It shoulda never ended to begin with.” I felt his grip on my hand becoming tighter along with the tension of his jaws now. He wasn’t trying to hurt me, but it seemed his was molding his own hand to mine, afraid I would somehow vanish if he let go.

“Then.. why did it? Why’d you do it, Colton. YOU made that choice. Why?....”

He took a large, hesitated deep breath, like he was trying to inhale some imaginary courage floating through the air.

“For starters, I’m a brainless, ignorant twat, with shit for brains. And, it was the loss, Liv. I’m ashamed to say that I was blaming you for it. Or, I tried to blame you at least. I couldn’t man up and admit that Danny was just… better than me. I had to find some concrete excuse to caudle my pathetic fuckin’ ego.”

“That’s not fair, and you know it. I never pulled you away from your training, Colt. I would’ve liked to, yeah. But I wasn’t about to get in your way. I knew what the fight meant to you,” my voice was accidentally defensive.

“And I know that now. Hell, I knew it then, baby. I was just.. I don’t know.. God, Liv. I was just so in love with you. You made me mental, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I felt like I was losin’ control of myself.” His eyes said he wanted to touch my cheek, or kiss my forehead. I didn’t know what exactly, but it was clear the hand holding wasn’t dispersing his hunger for something.

“It was scary, babe. I understand that more than anyone else, Colton. The things you made me feel took the wind right out of me. Our love was a continual high, ya’ know? I’d be lying through my teeth if I tried to deny I don’t still feel that with you.” scooting closer to his tense body, I felt that sensation of heat radiate onto my clammy skin making me shudder.

“I wanted to come to you so many times. I wanted to crawl to your damn doorstep and grovel, babe. I would’ve, too. Pride aside, if I thought it woulda made a difference. But, the shit I said to you, Livvy? I knew you hated my guts, and I couldn’t take the idea of havin’ the door slammed in my fuckin’ face.”

“And what about now, hm? Is that groveling bit still on the table or?” I winked, taking a note from his book, using one of his favorite forms of defense.

“Say the word and I’ll drop to my knees, gorgeous.”

Could he hear my panting? Was I panting aloud right now? I didn’t let my hungry stare falter, never unlocking the heated eye contact. Please kiss me, God. I can’t take it anymore! Take my mouth right now.

I could sense my brows knitting as my mind shouted soundless pleas. I wouldn’t have the nerve to make the first move and seek out his kiss, would I? Plus, I needed him to cave first since it seemed he always had me at a seeming disadvantage. He needed to break first. Even the score, if you will.

“Tempting offer, Mr. Ritter. I think I might very much enjoy the site of you on your knees.”

WHAT THE HELL, LIV ELLIOTT? Who are you? Did that just come out of your modest mouth. You deviant.

He loosened the twining of our fingers, only to drop it to the inside of my bare thigh. His touch. There. Oh, we like that spot, yes. The next bold move left his mouth meeting mine in an unhurried, calculated fashion. The breezy grazes of his lips felt like the soft flutters of a butterfly’s wings. At first, he was frozen there, a warm, handsome statue molding his lips to me. Once he collected I wasn’t going to protest, he began to lick hungrily over the seal of my mouth, letting out a throaty, male growl when I accepted his entrance. One hand remained placed still on my thigh, the other now snaked to rest on my neck, willing me closer to his kiss. Our tongues danced together quite chaotically, the insatiable desire within the exchange was an emotion neither of us could control properly. Oh, and I bit him. Yep, just like the hot swell between the apex of my thighs told me to.

I had the middle of his shirt wrapped around my fist, clenching even tighter when I opened my eyes for a brief second to find his shining back at me. There was something so, erotic about it. He seemed to be committing the exchange to his memory. I’d never been kissed while glaring open-eyed in my partners watchful pupils, and for a moment I felt I should think it strange. But it was feverishly opposite. It’s incredibly sexy, and debilitating, and I want him to do it more often. Still, I was curious.

“What’s wrong? What is it?” I pulled away, noticing the wrinkled, stretched cotton on his shirt where I was heedfully tugging at him.

“I just can’t believe I have you. I can’t fuckin’ believe this is happenin’. I missed you, Liv. I really, really did.”

Sensory overload. In every manner of the phrase. He smelled of a pungent musk, like trees and sweat. Sweaty trees? The inside of his mouth was coated in the juices from the fresh pineapple he’d eaten with lunch, and it tingled when I swallowed it down. Oh, and strawberries too, maybe? Yes, definitely some strawberry. His lips were sleek like the most elaborate silks, and wet too, making them stick to mine ever so slightly when we parted. My heart, and the sensitive place between my legs fought to steal the stimulation from the other, and I still can’t tell you where the victory laid. How was that possible though? How did a man stimulate the emotions of the heart, and the sexual tension of my sex at the very same instant? Just from a kiss, mind you. I wanted to shed tears of unadulterated bliss, and mount the length between his legs in at same time, in unison.

“Colt, you know I missed you. It goes without saying. How do you just, sweep me back in like that?” I laughed, but it was a rippling clandestine of wonderment I genuinely wanted solved. I needed a concrete, logical, palatable explanation.

“Because you never left me, baby. Not really, y’ know?”

I did know, and apparently he had known it too, contrary to hiding away from him in my little corner of the city.

“You were gone, but I know you felt what I’ve felt over the last year. I know you had to wake up fuckin’ hysterical in the middle of the night because you dreamt about me, Liv.”

I had done exactly that. At least 10 times, I’m not sure though. I lost count. The heartbreak was ineffable and haunting. Why had we tortured ourselves living life without the other? Pride? Fear? Did he feel like he deserved some sort of punishment for hurting me? Hurting us? I wanted to talk now. It was my turn to chime in, to toss my hat in the ring. But, he just kept going. I opened my mouth to interject, and he’d cut me off.

“I’ve never wanted anything the way I want you, sweetheart. I’ve never needed anything but myself, and to hell with everythin’ else. But with you… fuck. I hate my life when you ain’t in it. And it’s all just fast, and it happened so soon too, y’ know. But, I’m so sick in love with you, Elliott.”

How can he make the work ‘fuck’ fit into any sentence like it was just a casual, common word in the English language like ‘hello’ or ‘blanket’? We should have a chat with him about his etiquette soon. Or should we? We might like that word.. Especially in the bedroom.

“Can I talk now, handsome? Care if I get a few words in?” I smiled and buttoned the tip of his nose. His perfect, straight nose. How did it seem to still be in tact? He literally got punched in the face for a living? Thank you, God for keeping that incredible face unscathed.

He heaved a sigh, like the words he’d spat out had drained him in some way. And they may very well have! This is the most he’s spoken since.. well… ever.

“Sorry, baby. Yeah, you go now.”

“I love you.”

He was obviously confused when only 3, one-syllable words came out of my mouth. His head tilted wearily to the left like a curious dog, and a haze passed through his eyes, but no words.

The sun had fallen lower now, some lights began to flicker down below us in the city as we rode the car continuously down, ad back up the track. Even though we had drawn close to the water likely a hundred times now, I still felt giddy each time we reached near the edge of shore.

“That’s all I know, and that’s all the matters, Colt. I love you, and I don’t want to be without you.”

I wasn’t this person. I had always been the type to be entirely exasperated at people who said things as such, I found it unrealistic and dramatic, yet there I was. Confessing I was lost without him next to me, and I wasn’t sure how I lived before he came into the picture. Maybe I hadn’t. Not really lived. “What you did to me was cruel, and I didn’t deserve it. But I know you see that now. You made a mistake and like I said before, I forgive you.”

I was half expecting more talking since he seemed to be on such a wordy roll today. Instead, he used his lips this time. His hands. His eyes. But no confrontations. He’d used up his word limit for the day. I felt my head rush backwards at the attack he made on my lips. It was carnal. He breaths hitched from his nostrils. Breaths he seemed to be sucking from the pair of lungs inside my body. I was blindsided completely, and relishing in the upper hand he always had on me. The inside of his mouth was warm like the rest of his thick body. His hand was cupping between my legs now. In one faultlessly executed motion I was straddling his lap, clawing at the back of his neck, and I felt bare hands slide underneath my shorts now gripping on the curve of my behind lewdly. Am I about to orgasm just from the friction of his jeans?

“My God, Livvy. You smell so good, baby. I fuckin’ love that smell.” He mouthed with his lips still partially connected with mine.

The smell was his favorite perfume. He would lift the bottle off my vanity when I was doing my hair at the mirror, smell the top after popping off the lid, then generously spray it in the crook of both sides of my neck.

I felt almost sea sick with lust for him. Between the constant motion of the tram, the rolling of my hips in his lap, his hot exhales into my ears as he muttered into them. I was entirely rapt. The thin lace of a cupless bra I wore beneath my outfit had painted a high definition display of the pert buds of my breast, making it irresistible for the man not to gently tug between a hard-skinned index finger and thumb, imbibing a breathy squeak of his name from my throat. Let myself crumble hastily to the desirous high, and let him take me on the floor of this glassy box for all the world below us to see? I’d have a very long, very disagreeable chat with myself about it later, but I couldn’t fall into that, sex, with him just yet. Although the raunchy idea of my bare flesh being trapped between his hearty torso and the cool glass windows here was mind-blowingly riveting. A little self-control was healthy, whether I internally agreed or not. However, that very scenario would be added to the growing list of X-rated fantasies involving Colton Ritter.

“O-okay, okay, Colton. Wow, hold-hold on.” I pulled away from his burning kiss, placing hand over my now seemingly chapped lips from the friction of his beard, and noticed a faint rash down my neck, leading down to my cleavage where he had suckled and scraped, and bit my tanned skin during the exchange. “As much as I don’t want to, trust me. We should pump the breaks here for a sec.”

He was stroking both opened fists across the small of my back, like you would do to soothe an upset newborn. A much lighter contrast to the way he was just pawing me like a ravenous predator.

“Shit,” he said in a barely there, seemingly embarrassed whisper. “I’m sorry, baby. I got outta control…” He wouldn’t let me see his eyes then.

“Woah!” I eagerly replied. “I wasn’t looking for an apology, Colt! I wanted that every bit as much as you.”

The electric, waterproof acquaintance that lived in my night-stand had almost run it’s race, and I needed this living, breathing, very stimulating man in front of me. Soon. ASAP. “But, I just think we should hold out, ya’ know. We need to work up to that a little.”

He was nodding in agreement now. What I believed to be honest agreeance, and not him trying to pacify me with what I wanted to hear.

“I get it, 2-1. As painfully fuckin’ irresistible as you are right now, I do get it. Him? I think he may have a little harder time acceptin’ though.” He shifted slightly upward reintroducing me to his still solid length underneath where I bestrode him, and smiled the most hellacious, satisfied grin I’d ever seen. The one he knew lit my every internal flame and sent me reeling with desire. “But the longer we wait, baby….” The sentence was left unfinished of actual words, but the drawn out moaning hum he gave, punctuated the thought exactly how he intended it to.

The lack of a touch from each there over the four hundred something days had been unrelenting, but once the ache settled a bit, it became manageable. However, now, with the blistering¸ very fresh reminder of just how pleasing and breathtaking the feel of our bodies felt when joined together, I was certain I would come undone. Sooner than later.

I squeezed over the muscle of his arms and gave him a look of warning at his crude comments. I had come to terms with the fact he was simply a sexual person. Sex was something he wasn’t ashamed to discuss, and it was something he verbally admitted his enjoyment for. I’d worry about developing the thick skin to deal with that tidbit at another time.

“You’re like a horny 15 year-old boy, Ritter.” I chortled with a blush.”

“That’s all your fault though. I can’t help it my girl is a so damn sexy.” Colton retorted with his thumb grazing the corner of my wrinkled eyes.

I wanted to ask him to paint a picture of me then. What did he see when he looked? Really looked. Physically, I mean. Sure, the new muscles from my training were settling in nicely, but otherwise, I was so… just so typical. Green eyes, small in stature, and an average dirty blonde head of mostly unruly hair. I couldn’t even stand next to the beauty of a woman that society would deem suitable for him. I blended in like camouflage amongst a crowd of women, but evidently looking from the point of view of one Colton Michael Thomas Ritter, things were much different.

I wanted more. Needed it, actually. Whatever detail he hadn’t shared with me yet, I’d find a way to pull it from him. I was all in, indeed.

After lingering for an hour or so more, tucked away above the hustle of summertime in the city, and dropping for a quick to-go cup at The Grind, we journeyed back to my place. Andrew had given silent eyes of gleaming approval when he saw the two of us enter the shop, fingers interlocked securely, and I exhaled in relief briefly. But, a tightness quickly drew back into my shoulders once Tia’s very disapproving, fuming blue pools fluttered through my thoughts. I’d have to settle things before somehow our reuniting made it back to her. Soon. But for now, for the night, I just wanted to selfishly bask in him. In us. Our long, cold nights apart now only a painful recollection that I never wanted to think of again, nor experience.

Now, in the mostly silent concrete parking lot of my home, standing settled between his opened legs still seated sideways on his bike, I never wanted to move. Crickets sang harmoniously as we lingered in a warm hug, and the flickering street light playing as spotlight. Several moments passed without words. Awkward silence to most, but a fulfilling moment of sensual security to us. The feel of his hand caressing the small of my back right below the twin dotted indentions about my firm backside, gently rubbing left to right, and sporadic kisses touching where my neck curved into my shoulder. I closed my eyes to think of those indulgent, teasing kisses along the ticklish hump of my ribcage, then across my pelvis to meet each protruding hipbone punctuated with a wicked nip of his teeth, and I felt a sweat arise in the crease of my breasts at the idea.

“Come upstairs,” a throaty demand wafted over my lips before I could practice any tact.

He instantly halted all movements seeking the truth behind my eyes. And I noticed a flash of seemingly confusion, mixed with hopefulness.

“What?”

“Come inside with me. Spend the night…” I proposed, fully aware of what I was offering to the very hungry man draped around my waist.

I kissed him fervently, and journeyed a wandering hand to his member standing half staffed, eliciting a groan of liking from his gaping mouth. His legs tightened around me, and his fingers crawled up to wrap his grip around my tousled braid.

“Liv, baby… baby, c’mon. Hold on…hold..” A tangled string of efforted protests met my eardrums, but his hands continued to nearly squeeze right through my flesh. Then finally, he sought out below to halt the erotic massage I was giving through the confines of his now growing jeans. “Stop, baby. Okay? Talk to me for a second.”

I felt my eyes expand when he had actually stopped my bold foreplay. Was he turning me down? “You don’t actually want to leave? Do you?” I probed.

“Hold up right there, Livvy. Don’t give me those puppy eyes,” he scolded shakily. “I know what you’re thinkin’, and you are so, so damn far off.”

I wasn’t thinking he didn’t want me. Not really, anyway. But I kept silent, wondering sincerely his reasons for declining my bed for the night.

“As bad as I want to throw you over my shoulder right this minute, and take you upstairs to see whatever sexy little lace number you’ve got on under these clothes, then fuckin’ tear it off your ass, I just think we should cool it. For tonight.” He confessed earnestly.

I was truly even furthermore enamored with him after that. He read my actions didn’t really wield my exact feelings, no matter how persistent my advances on his crotch may have been, and he resisted nobly. But, his desires shined through the ocean blue of his eyes.

“We’ve got plenty of sleepless nights ahead of us, gorgeous. I promise you that.” Colton said with a dark intonation behind his words. I believed that promise too, no hesitancy, and I looked forward to all the lost time he planned to make up for, knowing he’d execute every encounter flawlessly.

“I’ll be sure to get my rest tonight then.” I purred into his mouth before I snaked a tongue inside.

“Oh, I’d highly advise that. I prefer you well rested. And besides, I can’t have any girlfriend of mine walkin’ around with bags unda’ her eyes.” He smacked me on the tail end.

“Girlfriend?”

“Hell yes, girlfriend. You ain’t gettin’ rid of me now.”

TAGS: @torialeysha @eap1935 @littleluna98 @mollybegger-blog

#Tom Hardy #tomhardy #tom hardy fanfiction #tomhardyfanfic #tomhardyfanfiction #tommy conlon #elizabeth olsen #thegrind

37 notes · View notes

kpopscenarios4u-blog · 5 years

Photo

Long and Winding Road

Part O N E || Part T W O || *more coming soon* Word Count: 2,261 Requested by: anonymous Themes: Angst, AU, Triggers: Rape, Blood, Physical violence, Sexual violence, Hospitals, Date-rape drugs, Detailed, Violence against women, murder A/N: I’m posting this first because I’ve been working on this for the longest, and it’s the hardest for me to write. I want to do this justice and I don’t want to turn down requests no matter how hard they are to write. Rape, sexual assault, and violence against anyone is never OK. If you or anyone you know are struggling with these issues, please seek help. It’s hard and it will be painful but it will get better. Hopefully, I won’t have to go into extreme detail in the parts to follow but I’m not going to leave anything out.

Your name: submit What is this?

You were brought from your coma by the sound of machines beeping and the feeling of someone holding tightly to your right hand. As your mind pulled itself through the haze, you became aware of what had happened. The panic set in as you remembered in minute detail what had happened. To you, no time had passed since you blacked out and you were still in that alleyway being - You eyes shot open, your hand pulling away from the tight hold as you curled in on yourself and began to scream. The sound was blood-curdling, the door burst open and people poured in to try and calm you down but all you could think was it was more men coming to restrain you and have a turn at using you.

“No! Please, no!” You cried, flailing wildly, not letting anyone close to you. Desperately, you called out for your brother, eyes open but unseeing. “Jin! Help, please. Help me!”

“Y/N, Y/N,” You heard Jin’s broken but soothing voice and calmed slightly to allow him near you. “I’m here, you’re alright. I’m not going to let anyone else hurt you.”

You eyes focussed finally and you realised that you were no longer in the alley but a hospital. The crushed faces of your friends came into focus first before you settled on your brother’s. He looked the worst out of everyone in the room, so tired, broken and small. Seeing your older brother looking like that was enough for you to break down. Your arms reached out for him and he came to you in an instant, only hesitating for a second before wrapping you in his embrace. “You’re safe now. I’m here. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner.” He soothed, his voice cracking as he held you tighter. Your body ached but you tried to hold him just as tightly. When you finally pulled away, it was only the two of you in the room. “I-I… I should have listened to you.” You shuddered, unable to let him go fully, your hands still resting on his arms. Your body and face felt like they were on fire. You couldn’t move from the waist down. Unable to hold yourself up any more, you allowed Jin to help you to lie back down. You shivered but didn’t let go of him to pull up the blanket draped over you. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jin. It’s all my faul--” A sob tore at your throat as tears flooded your eyes. Jin’s free hand found your hair and began to stroke it gently, over the bandages.

“It’s not, Y/N, I promise. You did nothing wrong. It’s my fault. I wasn’t there for you.” He held you once more, holding you as if you were the most fragile thing in the world, as he fell apart once more.

You were vaguely aware of the sound of a door slamming but didn’t look up from where your face was pressed against your brother’s chest.

“Y/N,” Jin said seriously, pulling back to wipe his eyes. You could tell that he was still hurting but was trying to be strong for you. “I’m not going to lie to you, you’re badly hurt and you’ll need a lot of time to heal, but if you can remember anything that can help the police find the men who did this to you, they won’t get away with this.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Jungkook stormed out of the room, unable to keep cool any longer. He couldn’t stand to hear you blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. He couldn’t stand Jin blaming himself, either. He couldn’t stand being in that room any longer. He needed to get out or he felt like he would suffocate. If it were anyone’s fault - other than the men who had hurt you - he felt it was his. He should have stopped you from drinking the drink you’d been offered. He should have known what was happening. Jiwoo’s club was a fairly safe place, but once or twice this sort of thing had happened before. He remembered Jin and Namjoon talking about it after you had first asked to join them at the club for your birthday. He’d been to other clubs where it was much worse, though. A woman had ever turned up, floating, in the Han River just last month with similar injuries. Jungkook had read the report in the paper a week ago, and she had also been drugged. Jungkook stepped out into the cool night air, trying to calm himself down.

“We can’t make this about us right now, Jungkook.” Taehyung’s voice brought him out of his brooding. “She needs our support. This isn’t hard for her. Or Jin.” Jungkook could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him.

“She doesn’t need anything to do with me. I let her down. I was right there. I could have reached out a grabbed them both by the throat. That’s how close they were, but I couldn’t tell you anything about them. I was jealous. Too focused on her. I didn’t think they were worth my time. I should have introduced myself. I should have-- FUCK.” Jungkook’s hand flung out and his fist collided with a brick wall. “It’s my fault they marked her like their territory. I just about did the same fucking thing at that bar. I let them thinks she was my girlfriend. I called her babe and hung all over her. They thought it was my jacket on her and they were looking for payback.”

Taehyung’s hand came out to grip Jungkook’s shoulder, but he shrugged him off.

“Tell that to the police. They’d be able to look at the security footage. Maybe Y/N remembers what they look like, but what you did was nothing like what they did. You were doing what you thought was best for her. Any one of us would have let them think that to get them to back off if we’d been in your position. Well, except for Jin or Namjoon who would have played the older brother card, but I would have done the same thing. So would Hoseok, Yoongi or Jimin. We wouldn't have thought anything of it, either.” The older man crossed his arms in front of him. “You need to get over yourself and be there for her. Jin’s not going to be able to do it by himself. Hell, even Namjoon will get overwhelmed and buckle eventually. We all would, but together we can help her heal, and help them catch the bastards that did this to her. Punching walls, and breaking your hand will not help her. Do what you gotta do, but suck it up, and get back inside that hospital.”

When Taehyung reached out for him once more, Jungkook shrugged away again before storming off into the night. With a sigh, Taehyung retreated back into the hospital.

_________________________________________________________________________

The boys had been sent home not long after Taehyung had returned. You hadn’t seen Jungkook, so you figured that it had been him that had slammed the door. Jin and Namjoon had been allowed to stay. It had taken some convincing, but it seemed that Namjoon was telling anyone who listened that he was your big brother, also. You didn’t mind. You felt safer with the two of them around. You’d still barely been able to sleep, with the constant check-ups from the nurses and the pain. On the off chance that exhaustion had taken you and you’d dozed off, you were taken right back to that dirty alleyway once more and forced to relive the experience until you awoke screaming.

In the morning, just before visiting hours opened once more, the police stopped by. Neither you, Jin or Namjoon had slept very well. As the two officers entered the room, you couldn’t help but feel very small and trapped. You weren’t able to leave the bed just yet, without worsening your injuries. Both officers removed their hats, the younger of the two standing awkwardly in the doorway before following the senior officer into the room to sit down.

“Miss Kim,” began the older one “We’re sorry to bother you so early in the morning and so soon after your ordeal, but we wanted to see you before visitors arrived and we need to catch the men who did this to you. I’m sorry, some of the questions we have to ask might be very uncomfortable for you, but please try to answer them as best as you can.” He looked to Jin and Namjoon. “You two might want to step out into the hall for a moment. I doubt that this will be comfortable for you, either.”

A shiver ran through your body and you reached for Jin’s hand. He took it. You didn’t want to be alone with men you didn’t know, even if they were police officers, but you didn’t want to put Jin through any more than he had to have had already.

“I’m staying,” Jin said, his voice strong and clear. He looked to you as if daring you to challenge him, just like the stubborn older brother you had before all this. You smiled and nodded.

“I’m staying, too,” Namjoon added, moving to stand at your other side. They’d both pulled their chairs either side of you during the night and slept - albeit sporadically - there through the night.

“Very well, then we’ll begin. It would be helpful to know what you remember from last night, Miss Kim.”

“We’d just arrived at the club, it was my birthday, I went with a friend to the bar to help him carry the drinks back. He… left me at one end of the bar to go and try to hail down the bartender. I was approached by two men, I remember thinking how… attractive they were. They said their names were Sanghoon and Youngjin? They offered to buy me a drink. I was... “ You blushed and looked down at where your brother had yet to let go of your hand. “I was flattered and mad at my brother and his friends for treating me like a little kid. It was nice having attention from an attractive man in that way.” Your eyes welled up and a lump caught in your throat. Your guilt was out into the universe, now. The policemen would see that it was really your fault and your brother and his friends - your friends - would all be disgusted with you. “I kept trying to keep an eye on Youngjin - the one who was ordering me a drink, but Sanghoon kept drawing my attention back to him. I never actually saw the bartender make my drink or hand it to Youngjin. I felt uncomfortable as Sanghoon kept touching me. His touch didn’t feel right. When Jungkook came back, he pretended to be my boyfriend but let me finish the drink and then led me back to our table. We got into a fight. Jungkook was acting like a jealous idiot and I was mad and told him that if he liked me in that way, he should have said something instead of waiting until someone else showed interest and getting jealous. I’d been feeling dizzy and but I thought it was just because I’d never had anything to drink before tonight and had drank had quite a bit before I left the house. So I stepped outside to get some fresh air, but that’s when I was cornered. I heard a voice saying ‘Hi there, sweetheart,’ and before I could place the name or turn around, everything went black.” You stopped again and, thinking that you were finished, the police officer opened his mouth to speak once more. “I woke up while they were,” you cleared your throat, the lump settled into your chest, making it hard to speak. “While they were… um…” You flushed and pulled your hand away from Jin’s hand, suddenly feeling dirty. “It wasn’t just the two men from the bar. There were others. I wasn’t wearing any clothes and they were… t-touching me. Next to me two of them were cutting up the jacket that Jin had loaned me and they were… dirtying it. Talking about how they’d show my boyfriend that I was theirs, not his. He had no right to me. That I was a s-slut who got what was coming to me and that they were going to leave me to die. When they noticed that I was awake, they took their time, telling me all the things they would do to me. I talked back and they gagged me with my own underwear but one of them had used it to clean himself off. It tasted terrible. They held it in my mouth until I started to choke and one of them jumped on my leg. It hurt s-so… bad.”

You felt sick. The police officers spent the next half hour, trying to get as much information from you as they could. Jin and Namjoon heard in minute detail what had happened to you. Jin held out strongly until the officers left before you watched him rush to the bathroom where you heard him be sick. Namjoon looked pale and couldn’t look at you. You wanted to curl up, got to sleep and never wake up. Taehyun and Hoseok arrived a little while later, followed by Jimin. Finally, Yoongi showed up around lunchtime, still brooding, but trying to put that aside for you and your friends. Jungkook didn’t show.

#kpop scenarios #kpop scenario #bts scenarios #bts scenario #jungkook scenario #jungkook scenarios #lawrs #lawr2 #anon #ks4u #trigger warning

7 notes · View notes

serenityssobrietyus-blog · 5 years

Text

The beginning of my story, definitely not the ending.

In advance, let me apologize for the length of this post. For those who read all the way through, thank you. I hope you follow along with the rest of my journey, share experiences, thoughts and more. I greatly appreciate and love all of you. Here we go!

My substance abuse didn’t start at an early age as a lot of people, it crept up in my twenties like the silent disease it is. I would say the progression really started when I was twenty two-twenty three. A lot of it is a huge blur, I remember a lot of good times, but also a lot of bad times, mentally and emotionally. I remember trying to always do as much as possible to catch up on the times I missed out bring pregnant at eighteen through nineteen, then having a newborn and baby through 20. I’ll say the emotional trauma began when I was eighteen, my first relationship ended and instead of processing it in a healthy way, I gave my virginity away a week later out of spite and this really killed me. I realize now it was because I really didn’t love myself back then.

Shortly after this time period, I met the father of my daughter. There was a lot of drama that followed after, from exes, negative opinions, rumors and allegations of cheating, and an unexpected pregnancy very early in the relationship. During my pregnancy, one of my best friends passed away and this hit very hard. I got to go to the funeral luckily, but I had to miss out on the vigil because I knew it would be too hard on me and my unborn baby. I was already under overwhelming stress and emotional baggage. Not shortly after there was the allegation of cheating and proof, I was a pregnant torn up mess. I have this burning memory of crying outside of Forever Twenty-One when I worked there, sitting in my car holding on to my belly just pouring out my emotions, apologizing over and over and saying no matter what I would do my best to be a great mother for her. We worked through that, then on August 16th, 2011 our beautiful girl was born. Things were great for a little while, she was beautiful and healthy and we were happy. Then my biggest fear happened; another allegation this time with overwhelming proof and a confession.

My whole world crashed around me, because of how and why. All I can say is that it really just made me feel completely unimportant and this was when really everything came crashing down. I self-medicated in the worst ways and unfortunately got myself into a terrible situation, one night there was a boy who just wouldn’t accept no as an answer. Of course, we were all drinking and that, in turn, was the reason that no one took my rape seriously. He pushed and pushed until I caved. I cried after and it still apparently was okay, and the assumption was that I was just drunk. To those who didn’t believe me, I don’t blame you and I’ve moved on. To the boy who raped me, I’ve left you behind with the old me, I’m sure karma will work its way with you and I’ll still be living free.

Unfortunately, after that time period, I’ve spent a lot of nights in extremely sketchy situations and have slept with people while under the influence and have completely regretted it. Waking up in beds that weren’t mine, sometimes hotel rooms and not remembering how I got there or who was there. I’m honestly so lucky to be safe (physically) and alive today. Then comes the biggest relationship to impact my life, negatively and positively. I’ve learned the most from this relationship especially now more so than when it was happening. My alcohol abuse impacted this relationship heavily, my girlfriend tried to help, she really did, but the truth was that I was just not ready to change and face my emotional turmoil. I was heavily self-medicating and denying it completely. This eventually ended our relationship and again, instead of me processing it in a healthy way I resorted to a night of heavy drinking my feeling away and went home with a guy friend. Next thing I know I’m pregnant, depressed, confused, lost and feeling totally alone. He wasn’t anywhere ready to be a father and I wasn’t in any position to have another child.

I ended up getting an abortion, even though that was also the last thing I wanted. My ex-girlfriend and I were trying to work on things and she wasn’t ready for a child either. At this point in my life, I was pro-life and she knew how much this meant to me. I’ll get into this story a little later in my blog, but the end results were very devastating. I attempted suicide and luckily survived, in hindsight, I’m glad everything happened the way it did and I’m here today to share my stories and hopefully will help those still suffering who can relate in any way. Unfortunately after my attempt though, my abuse of alcohol didn’t slow down one bit, it actually got worse, a lot worse.

I knew this would eventually happen that my drinking would get me into legal trouble. My drinking was getting so bad to the point of constant blackouts and emotional explosions. Getting so completely drunk that even the smallest thing would send me off the edge and completely lashing out. One night out, something so trivial as someone wanting someone else to drive made me snap for no good reason, get completely over-emotional and running away from my friends with no words and getting into my car. Boom, DUI. At that time I didn’t consider my tolerance and had no idea just how high it was, my BAC was .26 which is twice the legal limit. Which is also pretty high for a girl of my stature, especially to be as coherent as I was. This whole experience was very traumatic I did stop drinking for about a month and started feeling better; I thought I was fine. I was not fine.

I got complacent and comfortable, I thought I would be fine this time. I had just started dating this girl; this relationship I can’t say I regret, because I definitely see it as a lesson learned. At the beginning of our relationship, I wasn’t drinking, but she was, also cocaine was involved. Eventually, the temptation took over. First I started with just a drink a night, maybe just a glass of wine. Then the next thing I knew I was drinking just as much as before and now drugs were involved. Eventually, the relationship ended, but my drinking was at an all-time high. The drugs went with her too, with is a great blessing to me, because I couldn’t imagine fighting any other addiction like alcoholism with something else on top of it. I wish the drinking could have gone with her too, but life just didn’t work out that way.

Life has a funny way of working, and I really do believe everything happens for a reason. I believe all the things that have happened before have led to this very moment I’m about to share with you. All these things are what make me the person I am today, and give me the strength to continue on today. Like I stated earlier, I really hope someone, anyone, can take away from my story something to help them or even just encourage them.

Here we are, 2019, my drinking at the highest it’s ever been, I couldn’t even comprehend just how high my tolerance had gotten or just how close I was to killing myself through just drinking alone. It finally all caught up to me, all my emotional trauma I was holding onto, all the negative self-medicating through drinking. I was honestly at a point where I stopped caring. So many days day drinking, leading into the night, waking up every day hungover, drinking before work to fight off the hangover. Going into work violently sick, or intoxicated fighting through every shift just thinking of that drink I’ll have after to feel better. Spending days on a friend’s couch not getting anything done, that needed to be done. Ignoring my family and my wellbeing completely, malnourished and a complete and total mess. It finally all caught up to the day that would completely save my life.

This day, such a blessing in disguise, but extremely terrifying that I got myself here. After a night of drinking and staying out with friends, we’re onto day two of this binge; we started off with breakfast which came with mimosas of course, then turned into one bar, two bars, three bars. Completely drunk, completely just not caring. Never showed up for work, with no word at all. Drinking myself into oblivion knowing that I become suicidal and a complete mess every time. For some reason (there’s a lot of reasons, trust me, that I know now) the universe wasn’t ready for me to leave this world this lifetime. The whole night was a blur, but I remember speaking to a young black officer; the one I claim as responsible for saving my life. The ambulance lights. The white walls of the hospital room. The constant flow of tears down my face. I was in the hospital with a BAC of .49. I’m beyond lucky to be alive or not in a coma. This all accrued between September 15–17.

I luckily got sent to a detox center called Pathways, which I’m so extremely thankful for today. It really was a great experience and was a great way to kick start my sobriety journey. I did a lot of soulsearching in that building and decided I was ready to leave that toxic lifestyle behind and start dealing with my issues head-on. On September 18th I saw my BAC at .00 and decided it would stay that way. Now here I am today November 27, 2019, and I’m seventy days sober. I’ve completed and 30 day Day Treatment that helped me a lot just like Pathways did. I’m making tremendous strides to bettering my mental, emotional and physical health. Really working on my relationships that better my life and processing all of my emotions in a healthy way.

I really wanted to start this blog to help keep me driven through my sobriety and give me something to be productive with. I hope to look back on this whenever I feel weak and know that I’m extremely strong and blessed to be alive. A special thank you to those who have been following my journey thus far, some of you have been here from the very beginning and I know you’re just as stoked for me to be here too, Ashley; part of my safety net, Lauren, Alicia, Lani, and Samantha, even though some of us don’t talk daily, I feel your love and support, I love you. And to those who have been a huge impact on me today and keep me strong, you’re my best friends and I couldn’t do this without you, Cody; part of my safety net, Sara, Burl and Simon, I’m so extremely thankful for all your love and support.

I really thank all of you for reading this too and those silent followers. If you take anything from this and would like to share, I’d love to hear from you. Well, I finally got this blog started, let’s see how this goes! Love you guys!

#sobriety #sober #soberliving #healthylifestyle #sober living #healthy living #positivity #my story #mystory #soberserenity #alcoholism #alcoholfree #alcohol free

1 note · View note

fightevilandthengetblownup · 5 years

Text

CHAT: Anna+Ruby ALL

#1 - Anna and Ruby post Grey and Anna fighting in the alleyway; starts with Ruby and Lilith arguing, followed by Ruby targetting Anna

<Anna> *Lilith smirks at her leaning back against the wall* “You know it was cute seeing you trapped like that and by that fallen angel no less.”

<Jo> “What can I say, I learnt cockiness from somewhere not altogether bright, Lilith.” *Ruby gives a silent sigh* “What are you doing here?”

<Anna> “Oh nothing just watching you huff about. What’s the matter can’t find her?”

<Jo> “Why do I truly not believe that? And as a matter of fact I can’t. Seemingly the angel or whatever is left in her has disappeared.”

<Anna> *In a sing song voice* “I know where she isssss.” *Lilith smirks even more at Ruby.* “Infact I know that right now, the angel is laying in the emergency room of hospital after someone found her laying in an alley.”

<Jo> *Tilting her head to the side, Ruby looks at Lilith skeptically* “You’re saying that that scheming little bitch of an angel is lying useless and vulnerable in some hospital without that crazy watchdog keeping guard and you just happen to know where? That sounds almost too good to be true, Lilith.”

<Anna> “Gray’s twin found her and she mouthed off to him. It was an amusing show, very much a bonus since I was only after him.”

<Jo> “The other shadow? Mr. Weak-Monster-Eater himself took out the angel.” *Ruby smirks slightly, pondering to herself that she didn’t end up with a complete weakling on her blackmal cards* “What were you after him for? I would have thought you’d be after some Heavenly revenge after Gabriel had you pinned for so long.”

<Anna> “Oh I’ve taken care of Gabriel. I was celebrating and going to have some fun with the monster. Instead I got to watch him drain that little angel and kick her around a bit.”

<Jo> “Uh huh. …Any chance you’ll tell me where I could go kick her around myself?”

<Anna> “Normally I wouldn’t but since Grey said he wouldn’t feel bad if you killed her, I want to see if that’s true.” *Smiling Lilith tells Ruby the town name and the hospital, that the nurses had contacted Jo and they were waiting for the hunter to get there*

<Jo> “Of course you do. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go see what amounts of revenge I can get out before the little blonde slut shows up. And if I’m walking into a trap Lilith…” *Ruby shoots the other a look even though she can sense the other is back up and fighting, before zapping away to Anna’s bedside*

<Anna> *Lilith chuckles leaving, there was a daycare near by and she felt like having a snack*

<Anna> (So cute Ruby is paranoid of traps now)

<Jo> *Ruby comes in easily to find Anna in an empty semi-private room, something hunters seemed to try and get a hold of so it was understandable whatever Anna was covered with would do the same* “Wake up angelbitch. Or maybe I’ll try out my defibulator skills.” *Ruby flicks through the chart saying Anna wasn’t in a coma at least, as she waits for the other to react*

<Jo> (Lol she is just a tad. Damn Anna)

<Anna> *Anna remembers when someone found her, she had tried to get them to not call 911 but she was slurring and the fact she couln’t stand up and walk made it useless, a few hours later and a few shots of sedation she had been cleaned, changed into a gown and examined..she was simply waiting for the last shot to wear off enough she could run when she heard Ruby, reaching weakly for the call button*

<Jo> “Uh uh uh, not this time.” Ruby moves around to catch her wrist, noticing the slight purplish bruising and giving it a nasty tug before jerking the bed rail down and the bed away from the other option* “You and I need to have a little conversation about just where you think you are on the food chain. And I mean that literally.”

<Anna> *Swallowing Anna pushes herself up, the drugs still in her system to numb her she blinks at Ruby..* “You’re trapped..” *She says slowly like she hasn’t fully figured it out that Ruby is actually here and this isn’t some after effect of Grey feeding*

<Jo> “And down came the rain and washed the fires out, so then incy wincy demon came out the devils trap.” *If she were Lilith she would have been singing, but Ruby just speaks boredly, leaning her forearms on the end of the bed now Anna cant call for help* “Now, it’s your chance to get a little taste of your games.”

<Anna> “Jo..they called her, she’ll be here any moment.” *Anna isn’t sure when Jo will be here, she moves to try and stand up wincing as they braced her ankle where she twisted it trying to get away from Grey.* “Nurses and doctors will be in soon too.”

<Jo> “Unlikely. See, I, unlike a lot of demons, happen to know the score between you two and I don’t think Barbie will be rushing any time soon to help you Kelley.”

<Anna> “Go back to hell” *Anna looks around for her bag, reaching to pull the IV out of her arm.*

<Jo> *Ruby shakes her head, barely containing a cruel laugh at Anna’s attempts to move before going to the side not tugged down and reaching for the velcro straps holding the mattress to the bed frame and quickly rips them off and straps down Anna’s wrists together to the railing* “Not so fast. Like I say, its your chance to realise what you do to others. Or maybe the little monster did that for you

<Jo> already, hmm?”

<Anna> *Anna struggles are weak as Ruby forces her back down and she can’t help but feel her heart race as she straps her arms down, the heart monitor giving away her fear as it beeps faster.* “I don’t do anything, you all get what you deserve..demons..monsters..”

<Jo> “Angels.” *Ruby snaps back at her, whipping out a hand automatically to hit the other woman across the face before turning to the heart monitor and pulling the back out of it to avoid a passing nurse hearing for the time being, expecting one to come in soon enough to find out the issue* “Maybe we wouldn’t treat you so bad if you’d learn /you’re/ place and what /you/ deserve.”

<Anna> *Anna’s head jerks to the side feeling the blow, she can taste blood in her mouth and takes a deep breath* “My place? Even at it’s lowesst is above you.” *Twisting her wrists she tries to get the velcro to come loose but it isn’t and she looks around the room for anything she can use, kicking out with her leg, knocking over a table, hoping to make enough noise to get someone’s attention*

<Jo> *Giving a sigh, Ruby snaps out her hand again to grab Anna’s chin and cheeks with one hand, looking blankly at her* “That’s right, I’m just a demon. Which means any human that comes in here to check on you will be dead before they can let a scream out, because I just don’t care. But that doesn’t mean I’m below an abomination like you.”

<Anna> “Just kill me, get it over with.” *Anna glares at Ruby, her head more clear now as she jerks again at the straps* “Angels are pure, humans are pure..you’re the abomination, a perversion of everything God made. Filth, trash..” *Anna thinks that if she can talk long enough she will be able to provoke Ruby to killing her*

<Jo> “And yet you’re neither an angel or a human. You’re /nothing/.” *Looking blankly back at the other, Ruby moves around to open and shut the draws of the little medical cart in the room, obviously looking for something in particular* “And that’s worse than what I am.” *Turning back to the redhead, Ruby approaches, pulling the safety cap off of a scalpel and pressing her thumb against it to test it*

<Anna> <Jo> “And yet you’re neither an angel or a human. You’re /nothing/.” *Looking blankly back at the other, Ruby moves around to open and shut the draws of the little medical cart in the room, obviously looking for something in particular* “And that’s worse than what I am.” *Turning back to the redhead, Ruby approaches, pulling the safety cap off of a scalpel and pressing her thumb against it to test

<Anna> (woops, making a fan mail lol)

<Jo> (LOL its cool)

<Anna> *Anna watches Ruby, breathing deeply, trying show herself as calm like an angel would be.* “I’m still better than you, I’ve been greater than you. Remember what Alastair called you, just a slut, a whore.. Even demons think you are nothing.”

<Jo> “And yet I’m alive, and he is dead. Funny the way the world works.” *Pulling her thumb off when it starts bleeding, she presses the pad of it against Anna’s forehead before dragging it along her nose in a disjointed line much like a surgical marker* “You play the angel card, but really you’re closer to something worse than I am these days. Fuck enough beasts you’ll start acting like one.”

<Anna> *The touch of a demon is digusting but the feel of the blood is worse, the corruption of the human the demon is in and it makes Anna shudder* “Already an abomintion according to you.” *Kicking out she bites her lip, her ribs sore from Grey kicking her as she tries to kick Ruby* “How many years did you last in hell before you started throwing yourself at your torturers to get free?”

<Jo> *The second Anna kicks out, though it lands against her hip bone in a way that /would/ have hurt if it werent for the awkward angle and lacking force, Ruby spins the blade to poin downwards in her fist before stabbing it into the top of Anna’s thigh and twisting, as she continues to dot blood line down her chin and onto her neck* “You are indeed. And much longer than you lasted against the

<Jo> weakling monsters. And seemingly Crowley if your neck means anything.”

<Anna> *Anna screams as the scalpel enters her leg and it gets louder as Ruby twists it. She hates Ruby bringing up hte marks Crowley made on her as she pants through the pain, feeling Ruby making her trail of blood dots, her skin crawling with each one.* “Crowley has never touched me like that.”

<Jo> “Maybe not like that, but I’m sure he’s touched you. Not as thoroughly as that monster has, but then again, I doubt anyone has.” *Jerking the scalpel out of Anna’s leg, Ruby vanishes only to appear on the opposite side of Anna’s bed where the railing was down and she could see the neck mark clearer* “How about I do you a little favor and fix that up for you, hmm?” *Without waiting, she grips onto

<Jo> Anna’s jaw and presses the blade against her neck cutting lightly in three lines across the word, just enough to break up and scar over the scars rather than cut a vein*

<Anna> *Anna tries to jerk her head, to drive the blade deeper, still believing if she was dead it would be better.* “Fucking bitch, I hope Crowley knows you are breaking them and comes to kill you. Maybe I’ll call for him, sure he would want to know that some trash demon is messing with his favorite pet!” *Blinking Anna glares up at Ruby through tears that are starting to run down the side of her face*

<Jo> *That finally gets a chuckle out of the demon, shaking her head as she works and gives the ‘angel’ a cold grin* “I think you vastly over estimate his interest in worn out toys. If his last little pet was able to break you so bad, I doubt he’s going to really care about a few scratches here and there. 'Course, trying to kill yourself isnt going to help either.”

<Anna> *Anna jerks again hard, Ruby’s expression starting to make her angry and she pulls at the straps holding her wrists before starting an exorcism, maybe this she thinks will provoke the demon to killing her*

<Jo> *The second she starts up with the exorcism again, Ruby slaps her hand out again and again across the others face before pausing a second and reaching to grab the others tongue* “Stop those infernal attempts to exorcise me or I will make it so whatever your little monster likes using you for will be a waste of his time.”

<Anna> *Anna stops long enough to bite as hard as she can onto the fingures Ruby has in her mouth to grab her tongue, the moment she can she begins again, it’s not the fast exorcism but it’s the most painful she knows and she glares up at Ruby*

<Jo> *Ripping her fingers away, she lets out a snarl as the exorcism starts again, having been ignoring it last time before she jerks her hand down and stabs the scalpel into Anna’s stomach with a painful jerk from the attempts* “I’d shut up before.. I carve you like.. Lilith does babies on Thanksgiving. You’re in a hospital, you’ll get help before you could die.”

<Anna> *The pain in her stomach stops her as Ruby screams at her about Lilith and she chokes some gasping as she wants to put her hands down to stop the bleeding feeling the blood soak into the grown, adding to the blood that’s already on the gurney from her leg* “Did..you fuck Lilith too? Or just Alastair?”

<Jo> “Demons lie, you fucking bitch.” *Ruby shakes her other arm to get rid of the pain from the exorcism before pulling the scalpel out of the other with a slick noise.* “Make up your mind, you want me gone or you want me to talk about Lilith and Alastair?” *She reaches out for Anna’s hospital gown, wiping as much blood off the blade as she can*

<Anna> *Anna whimpers feeling the blade slide out of her stomach, she’s shaking now and she swallows looking at Ruby.* “Want you to kill me. Course listening to you talk is a slow death and torture combined. When you were manipulating Sam, was it to free Lucifer or did you enjoy making him into a fool?”

<Jo> “I’ll think about it, though slow and tortuous is soundly lovely.” *Ruby sneers down at her for a moment before setting the scalpel just out of Anna’s reach, as though testing her to see if she’d try to attack her or try to kill herself first second she gets to escape* “I did what I did because it kept me alive. I’m not Lilith or Alastair, or Azazel or even his Golden Girl Meg, or any of the other

<Jo> big namers. I’m just a demon whose the best at staying /alive/ through any means necessary and who could outwit, outlast, out-you know the rest any of the other demons on the island that is Earth alongside the hunters. I was the only one who would live through it, and it was the only way I was going to continue living.”

<Anna> *Anna gives a painful laugh* “So your'e nothing..just..doing whatever you can to survive. A useful piece of trash that knew how to get into a desperate human’s pants. Pathetic..” *Anna smirks weakly at Ruby eyeing the scalpel and she pulls on the straps seeing if she can reach her fingers out to it.*

<Jo> “I’m better than all of them though, don’t you get it? I was the best, I /am/ the best. Because I’ll keep existing while they all drop like flies. I win the game, which you’re going to join the pile of losers soon enough.” *Ruby gives a shake of her head, zapping across the room to the medical cart again, digging through it for a few items, stashing them in her coat, before zapping to the bed end*

<Anna> “Best who gloated and got herself killed with her own blade.” *Anna breathes slowly through the pain in her middle, she coughs and it hurts, she can’t tell if the blood she tastes is her own or Ruby’s where she bit her, the taste of demon hasn’t left her mouth yet.* “You should have did your duty and enjoyed the victory from a distance.”

<Jo> “Learn from your mistakes, also, like I gave a fuck. I’d already outlasted all but Meg - and that little viper is likely to see the next Apocalypse come and go with the way she spreads herself about. Course, I’ll see it with her this time around.” *Sighing, Ruby crosses her arms and slides a hand out to catch one of Anna’s ankles and jerks her towards her as a way to twist the others wrists*

<Anna> *Whimpering as Ruby jerks her down, leaving her in a awkward position, painful as the stab wound in her stomach is pulled on.* “You’re still boasting…didn’t learn the lesson well enough, you need to be taught it again”

<Jo> “Maybe, but you’re not going to be the one to teach it.” *Giving the other a small glare, Ruby digs into her pocket, pulling out another scalpel and driving it into the side of Anna’s uninjured ankle, right towards the back behind the ankle socket and bone, with a small look of glee*

<Anna> (did she just cut the tendon??)

<Jo> (I believe so yeah.)

<Anna> (ILU RUBY)

<Jo> (LOL WHY?!)

<Anna> (she’s making lilith all warm and dewy)

<Anna> *The pain explodes up the back of her leg, Anna tries to jerk her foot away but it doesn’t move, hanging limp as Ruby stands there holding it off the bad, the scalpel scraping against the bone.* “I hope you live..I hope that when everyone is done with you they keep you in an eternity of agony!” *

<Jo> “I hope you live too, angelface. I hope you live through your monster being torn apart by Crowley and his dogs, I hope you live through every friend you know getting burnt alive to a crisp by Lilith in a jealous rage that she didn’t get to finish your prized possession off, I hope you live through your siblings being summoned and slaughtered like the dumb sheep they are, and I hope, more than

<Jo> anything that when this is all over and you have nothing left, that somebody keeps you alive and breathing so you’ll never know the sweet nothingness and escape of death again. Just like you want to get right now.” *Ruby speaks calmly to begin with, her face twisting and voice getting harsher as she goes on, digging and twisting the scalpel in Annas ankle against the bone and what muscle was left*

<Anna> *Anna is twisting, on the bed, her body jerking everytime Ruby digs the blade into her leg.* “Kill myself first..” *She can’t speak, her breath catching as she screams when Ruby digs the tip of the scapel in between the bones, finding the nerves, her leg jerking as she tries to get it away*

<Jo> *Giving the metal another sharp twist, she jerks it out before moving around the side of the bed, running a hand up Anna’s calf as she does until she’s at her knee, gripping it tightly and angling the scalpel just against the gap between the join and her knee cap* “You say that like you’ll be allowed to die.”

<Anna> *Shaking her head Anna closes her eyes, fighting down the feeling of being sick. She wonders if this is what it would ahve been like had the demon ever captured her the first time as she feels Ruby’s hand run over leg, picking it up* “No one cares about me enough to bring me back..”

<Jo> *Trailing the edge of the scalpel around her knee cap, pressing hard enough to break the skin, Ruby gives Anna a withering look* “Some of us hate you enough to.”

<Anna> *Trying to move her leg away from the blade she looks at Ruby* “Good thing you can’t..demons don’t work that way. Get in line behind Crowley if you want to keep me to torture.” *Her breathing is fast as the pain radiates up her leg the muscles spasm as she tries to move her foot*

<Jo> “Careful, careful. You might damage yourself, and that wouldn’t be good at all.” *Ruby gives something which would look like a smile on anyone elses face as she continues to circle Anna’s knee even as her leg jerks, cutting out of the line occasionally like a child’s very focussed attempts at drawing* “As for that - who do you think would keep you alive long enough for that all to happen?”

<Anna> *Ruby’s chiding tone makes Anna cringe, she bites her tongue to stop herself from telling the demon to go fuck herself. The blade is still tracing around her kneecap and everytime Ruby presses down her leg jerks* “No one would..like you said..not that interesting”

<Jo> “Good thing I have friends in high corrupt places then. I could even convince it was for your own good, I mean, who wants their siblings to die when they could stop it from happening?” *The look on Ruby’s face turns into the widest smirk thus far, the scalpel not leaving Anna’s skin as she moves the blade back down Anna’s calf - pressing deeper the further she gets down*

<Anna> *biting her lip Anna can feel more tears running down ehr face as Ruby runs the blade her leg, feeling it going deeper and deeper but she can’t help but give a broken laugh as Ruby suggests she has an angel on her side.* “Now I know you’re lying..you can’t corrupt an angel, not that good.”

<Jo> “And yet a no-talent monster corrupted you. It’s amazing what you can do when you know how.” *Smiling coldly, Ruby pulls the scalpel away before dropping it on the side of Anna’s bed not near her bound hands before moving towards the heart monitor and turning it back on, the blaring beeping making her scowl*

<Anna> “He didn’t. Wanted him, was tired of trying to live like I was still an angel, wanted to just live.” *Anna is laying back on the bed, her eyes half closed now, her leg where Ruby dropped it not moving as she flinches from the blaring of the heart monitor*

<Jo> *Ruby walks around the head of Anna’s bed, pushing it forward a few inches from the wall as she bend forward over the pillow to look Anna directly in the eye, smile still in place though a little more ferral* “Sound like any brothers of yours we know? Give it time, you’ll see.”

<Anna> *Glaring at Ruby with as much anger as she can summon Anna spits in the face of the demon as Ruby leans over her head* “Gabriel ..you are delusional if you think that.”

<Jo> *Wiping her face, Ruby’s face contorts for a moment before she smirks back at her* “Maybe. But then again, there are plenty of angels in the sky. And you saw how far big brother Lucifer fell, how had do you think it would be to drag another one down, hmm? I think grandly, not delusionally, though like I say - give it time, Anna. Give it time.” *With a flick of her wrist the velcro holding Anna

<Jo> captive vanishes and the rail on the other side of the bed pops up, as there seems to be something the pushed the nurses button* “Good luck, bitch, you’re going to fucking need it.” *And as the nurses start heading in, Ruby vanishes away*

<Anna> *Anna’s nearly unconcious from blood loss on top of the feeding from Grey. She doesn’t fight when the nurses come in only weakly protesting with they start yelling at her, asking her what she had done, how had she managed to go it. She felt them grab her wrists, pads going around them, attaching them to the bed again. She won’t remember the doctors coming in or them taking her off to surgery*

#2 - Anna decided to target Ruby for entertainment and got more than she expected.

<Anna> *smacks Ruby*

<Jo> LOL She’s giving you a grumpy look

<Anna> lol

<Anna> *smacks her again*

<Jo> “….What do you want?”

<Anna> “I’m bored and I figured after you fucked up my leg you owe me some entertainment.”

<Jo> “I figure otherwise. You brought that on yourself, Anna, don’t try to get me into more hit list with your moronic counter part or big brother, okay?”

<Anna> “if I wanted you on a hit list I would have already done it and I don’t have a counter part.”

<Jo> “Oh really? That’s news to me.”

<Anna> “Next time I break up with someone I’ll make sure to tell you first..”

<Jo> “Glad to hear it. What’d you end up doing this time, huh? Did you screw around on this one too? Or was it a case of getting a little too broken the last time we spoke?”

<Anna> “Try none of the above. The honeymoon ended is all.”

<Jo> “So you finally screwed your brain back in the right way? Maybe that little drug spell I heard about actually recorrected that mind of yours”

<Anna> “He was the one that decided it needed to end, I just tossed him out.”

<Jo> “Role reversal then, Anna? What really happened that broke the magic spell, hmm.”

<Anna> “Oh geez you sound like Jo, just more bitchy and that is hard to do.”

<Jo> “Guess that means you’ll be falling in love with me next then. But aside from that, I’m going to go ahead and guess that Prince Charming really was you dressing the toad in a crown and cape yourself before fucking him.”

<Anna> “You know I could just send you back to hell now..”

<Jo> “But you won’t. Because you’re bored and you’ve alienated anyone who even remotely likes you so all that’s left is blind hatred.”

<Anna> “I’m starting to rethink that bored thing..”

<Jo> “No you’re not. You’re enjoying this, and you know it. We used to get along, if you don’t remember, before you joined me in sleeping with a Winchester that is.”

<Anna> “You mean when you were still fooling Sam and feeding him blood to set lucifer free which led to my death.”

<Jo> “When i was still fooling everyone, get it right.”

<Anna> *Anna rolls her eyes*

<Jo> “Oh whatever Anna, either way you don’t want me to go and leave you to be bored and alone once again. You’ll take whatever kind of interest someone can give you. /What ever/ kind.”

<Anna> “You know that I’m not that desperate, I’m going to assume that you’re sticking around because Gabe is through with your skank ass.”

<Jo> “Gabriel has had nothing to do with my ass, I’m sticking around because it’s way too amusing to watch you suffer.”

<Anna> *Anna says the first few words of an exorsicm* “Careful, while you can blow hot air, I can actually make my words sting”

<Jo> *Cringing, Ruby glares at Anna* “Yeah, maybe, but I can make your body hurt much much worse” *With that she directs a kick to the underside of Anna’ foot, right over the ankle*

<Anna> *Anna breathes in as the pain radiates out* “Get in line behind Crowley.”

<Jo> “Crowley? Whats the big bad wolf doing skulking about now, Anna? Did he like my handiwork in slowing down his pets running?”

<Anna> “Oh he wants to thank you specially.”

<Jo> “Well thats just super. Next time you see him, let him know that if he wants something to be his, he should piss on it first, just like the rest of nature. Not sure you’d enjoy that though”

<Anna> *Anna begins to say more of hte exorcism* “"or maybe you should think twice before going around and pissing off the demon with all the souls.”

<Jo> *Giving Anna a look, Ruby kicks at her foot again before stomping her boot down across the top of Anna’s foot as well* “Keep the exorcisms up and I’ll see what fun I can have with the other leg, you get me? As for pissing off demons, he hasn’t caught me yet.”

<Anna> *Anna moves back, stumbling till she’s sitting on her bed, rubbing her hand over the cast.* “Right, like you would be stupid enough to try and break me further knowing Crowley is already unhappy over this”

<Jo> “Who knows, maybe he’s just upset there isn’t any symetry..” *Ruby smirks slightly, following after Anna and quickly jerking her hand up, pulling at Anna’s unharmed leg with her powers before catching her ankle in her hand*

<Anna> *Anna glares at Ruby* “Or maybe I’m just going to use you as present to him when he comes back.” *She tries to pull her leg away from Ruby, keeping her expression calm even though she can feel her heart racing*

<Jo> *At Anna’s jerking, Ruby digs her fingers into each side of her ankle, fingernails popping the skin with the force as she looks down at the other’s glare with a smirk* “Maybe. But I’m thinking this might be to your advantage as well.”

<Anna> *Anna hisses as Ruby digs her fingers in, she’s starting to shake and she can’t hide it* “How is this to my advantage?”

<Jo> *Her smirk widens at Anna’s shaking, running her other hand up her calve and back down, knowing just how much the angel hated touch from a demon* “Easy. If you’re broken, then Crowley isn’t going to want to play until you’re back to better. It gives you some time from his highness.”

<Anna> *Her skin crawls as Ruby runs her hand over her leg, swallowing as the demon talks about being broken and Crowley’s idea to simply remove her leg.* “Somehow I don’t think it realy matters to him if i’m broken or not.”

<Jo> “Oh but it does. Unlss he really doesn’t care who plays with his toys and how.”

<Anna> “Why don’t you ask him yourself if he cares then?”

<Jo> “Because, you’re more fun to play with, of course.” *Ruby grins back at Anna, digging her fingers in again after relaxing them as she gives the small apartment a once over with a frown*

<Anna> *Anna stiffens as Ruby digs her nails into the skin again.* “You don’t like the decore? You should get comortable, you’re going to be seeing it for a while till Crowley comes back.”

<Jo> “I don’t think so, Anna.” *Ruby gives the ankle in her grip a firm twist before moving back towards the small kitchenette area, flicking through some drawers* “Whatever trap you made, you made a deal with me to break it.”

<Anna> *Anna gasps as Ruby twists her leg and then drops it to go rummaging through the drawers. She doesn’t think anything is in them since she hasn’t stocked the kitchen* “I did agree to break it. I never said when though.”

<Jo> “I can make you agree.” *Ruby slams the drawer back in when nothing shows up, turning around to approach her again instead, clenching one hand* “I could make you agree to let me out easier than anyone has ever made you agree to anything. I will be allowed out of here before any of your little plans to trap me with Crowley work and theres nothing you can do but let me.”

<Anna> *Anna sitting on the bed she’s pushed herself back to lean against the wall.* “Why are you so special? You think that i’ll agree to you faster than I would Crowley who is a real threat? You really do think high of yourself.”

<Jo> “Oh I do. And do you know why? Because if you don’t, whatever little plans you have going to stop that bastard are to waste. I am the /only/ one who knows about the barbie hunters plan to find that little spell of Crowleys that can get into and out of Hell without capture, and if you keep me here for Crowley to waste then you’ve just fucked over your one chances of stopping this whole ordeal”

<Anna> *Anna tilts her head to the side and she smirks* “What makes you think I want him stopped? That I haven’t said screw all of you and have decided to go with the side that is the sure side to win. I made that mistake before, fighting against the Winchesters, maybe I have learned.”

<Jo> “Because, you wouldn’t have that little broken leg still”

<Anna> “Your logic amazes me.” *Anna shrugs at Ruby.* “Crowley enjoys the suffering but just maybe the more I turn to him the less I suffer and the more you do in my place.”

<Jo> “My logic is correct though. Because you wouldn’t be this nonchalant, and you certainly wouldn’t be speaking as though the whole world is screwed including yourself if you were Team Crowley all of a sudden.” *Ruby sneers down at her, catching her ankle again and twisting sharply* “Though you do seem to jump sides when you jump from cunt to cock … to cock?”

<Anna> *Biting her lip hard as Ruby grabs her again she breathes slowly.* “You’re the only one that sleeps with your enemies whore.” *She’s learned more from Ruby right now though than she’s learned from anyone else about what the plan is and she keeps prying. “So if you’re so important why are you doing the lap dogs work fetching spells?”

<Jo> “That’s true, I still /remember/ they’re my enemy.” *Ruby smirks slightly, usign her other hand to force Anna’s foot back at a bad angle as she looks about for something with enough force for some blunt trauma* “Who do you trust to get the important information? Not the stupid sheep or drones. If you want something done right, do it yourself or get someone better than you to.”

<Anna> *Anna can’t help but yelp as Ruby pushes her foot back and she kicks trying ot get her leg free, the only thing in the apartment is the bed, her bag and the table Jo kicked and broke* “So your the head sheep, the one that goes running off a cliff first in blind panic or who stands there bleeting while you’re stabbed to death.” *Anna refers to her gloating as Dean killed her*

<Jo> *Letting her foot go, Ruby notices the broke table leg, snapped off underneath the rest of it and grins widely* “No, I’m the wolf hanging around with the rest of the bleeters, but unlike the fairy tale, I’m not trying to hide it and I’m not going to get shot again.”

<Anna> “Sure you’re not, you’re going to help do away with Crowley and everyone is going to throw you a parade..” *Anna shakes her head, wondering if ego is a part of every demon or just the type of person that becoems one.* “I’m sure you’ll be dead as soon as Crowley is.”

<Jo> “Who says I will be around then? I’ll drop barbiedoll or your big brother the memo of what they need, and then disappear as always. And by then, they’ll have to watch out for /someone else/ instead from what I’ve heard.”

<Anna> “What do you mean..someone else?”

<Jo> “I mean, why do you think I’m not siding with Crowley?”

<Anna> *Anna starts another part of the exorcism* “What do you know Ruby that you aren’t telling the others?”

<Jo> *Ruby hisses at the exorcism starting again, lunging for the broken chair leg before spinning around and slamming the piece down on Anna’s uninjured knee with a snarl* “What makes you think I’m going to tell you?”

<Anna> *The pain stops her leaving her laying back gasping as Anna blinks trying to breath through the pain.* “Because if you don’t I will give you over to Crowley and this time I’m not bluffing!”

<Jo> *Ruby grins, swinging the makeshift bat with one hand into the other, watching Anna writhe and choke on her breath before shaking her head* “Lets just say, big brothers spells don’t work so well when they’ve been destroyed. And somebody is going to pay for it, sure I might be up there, but I’m too useful to be killed - at least those smart enough to realise it know it.”

<Anna> “Who is going to pay for it? What is this spell Gabe has you looking for?” *Anna is breathing hard, she hadn’t heard anything about this from anyone and she’s feeling even more bitter about being kept in the dark by everyone.*

<Jo> “Completely unrelated, Anna. Gabriel tried to trap my old boss, and thanks to your master that’s broken again, and while everyone thinks its safe once Crowley is gone - she’ll strike. And hard. I personally plan to stay out of her way.” *Ruby swings the wooden leg down on Anna’s leg between sentences, before sighing and giving the other a look* “Barbie has me looking to stop Crowley. So does

<Jo> Gabe, but /he/ wouldn’t pass on any other information like huntress did.”

<Anna> *Anna screams as Ruby hits her leg again and she’s confused, it’s not just the pain making her blury* “Lilith has been free, why would things change once Crowley is gone?” *Her knee is on fire, she can feel it throbbing with her heart beat as she tries to move away from Ruby*

<Jo> “Because, Lilith was trapped in her meatsuit for /months/. She’s not going to be happy but isn’t stupid enough to act while Crowley’s around, of course.” *Ruby grins at Anna’s twitching, when she shifts away startng to hit along her calfbone instead* “Or! Maybe I’m just talking out of my ass for the fun of it?”

<Anna> *Anna screams with each hit, she moves her leg in the cast over her other leg in a desperate attempt to protect it.* “Lilith is just a demon, she can be dealt with, Gabe can deal with her.” *Laying on her side she can feel the tears run down her face, she’s not sure if Ruby has broken a bone yet or not, there’s nothing but a radiating pain going up and down her leg*

<Jo> “Just a demon, maybe. But your brother is just an angel, at the end of everything.” *Ruby snorts at Anna’s attempt to protect her leg, smashing the wood on edge down on her casted toes before jerking that leg to the side and instead giving a hard hit to Anna’s ribs instead* “I havent heard any cracks yet, be thankful.”

<Anna> *The blow to her ribs steals her breath as she lays there, her arms wrapping around her gasping for breath. Curling up, her leg starting to show an impressive bruising she breathes hard.* “Angel none of you can kill, angel who you are beating up on his little sister..”

<Jo> “Do I /seem/ frightened?” *Ruby leans in over Anna, grinning widely at her as she presses the end of the leg leg harshly against her ribs*

<Anna> *Gasping Anna quickly starts to say the last of the exorcism, trying to get Ruby to back off* “No but you do seem stupid.”

<Jo> *Ruby gives her a sharp look, bringing the leg down on Anna’s mouth as the painful prickling from the exorcism grows and wracks through her, before throwing caution to the wind and trying to vanish, almost surprised to find she could*

<Anna> *Anna jerks her head back seeing Ruby aim for her head as she feels the wood slam into her mouth just as her head hits the wall. She watches a blury Ruby vanish and she sags down, the taste of blood filling her mouth*

#3 - Anna tries to sic Ruby on Grey. Ruby plays along...and then does nothing to Grey because #demonyo

<Anna> Anna is thinking about seeing if Ruby wants to go kick Grey’s ass

<Jo> LOL Ruby would prefer kicking Gray’s ass to Grey. Grey’s on her payroll in contrast. Though she’d not be completely against ruffling his feather’s a little, but she doubts thats what Anna wants

<Anna> no she wants pain and suffering

<Jo> “That I can do. Death however, I won’t be handing out. I might need him”

<Anna> “Whatever, I just want him as useless as he think I am.”

<Jo> “So pretty much like he is now? That’s not asking much”

<Anna> “No I want him suffering.”

<Jo> “…Can I go through Barbie? No I don’t suppose you’d like that. Suffering though, what scale are we talking, your invalid foot for the forseeable future suffering or I no longer have the will to truly live suffering?”

<Anna> “No you can’t touch Jo or anyone else..and will to live, he thinkings hurting now sucks, he hasn’t suffered yet.”

<Jo> “Well thats going to be fun then.. …Any messages I should pass along or just say their from the redheaded witch who can’t stand to do it herself?”

<Anna> “Tell him that Crowley isn’t the one he should be afraid of.”

<Jo> “Speaking of, I’m not going to have him on my tail about breaking both his toys, am I?”

<Anna> “No I’ll make sure Crowley doesn’t go after you.”

<Jo> “Well then. What am I getting in return, Anna?”

<Anna> “I’ll owe you a favor.”

<Jo> “… …/Any/ favor?”

<Anna> “Within reason. What are you thinking?”

<Jo> “Oh, I don’t know. I just like having them up my sleeve. I’ve got a few favors still owed from your brother as it is.”

<Anna> “Well good for you.”

<Jo> “So… a favor if I ask it in future is my end?”

<Anna> “What?”

<Jo> “Did someone knock you around the head? Oh wait, yes I did. In return for making the little monster cry for the next however long until he’s as well suffered as you, I get to ask a favor some day, correct?”

<Anna> “Yes.”

<Jo> “Well then.. Sign me up.”

<Anna> *Anna smirks*

<Jo> “We done here? I have tasks to take care of and you’ve got a bed to be ridden in.”

<Anna> “Oh screw you the bruises hurt but not that bad.”

<Jo> “Oh yes? How about you stand up then? Give us a twirl”

<Anna> *Rolling her eyes Anna stands up looking at Ruby with a raised brow.* “Happy?”

<Jo> *Ruby considers her, stepping back a few paces* “Walk across the room and I’ll leave you be. Even organise someone to.. look out for things for you if you like.”

<Anna> *Anna glares at Ruby, taking several steps, the more she takes the more shakey she becomes but she does it.* “I don’t need anyone. I’m fine..”

<Jo> *Letting out a laugh, Ruby circles around her before pressing a finger right between her collar bones with a smirk* “Okay, back into bed with you. Damage yourself and whatever favor you might be able to do will go bye bye. How about I fetch that knucklehead researcher to keep you company? Or just round up some dumb monster to do so.. I think thats easier.”

<Anna> *Anna turns around and goes back to the bed, sitting on the foot of it, her legs aching now* “Jo’s been coming by, I’m fine.”

<Jo> “Call it insurance.” *Ruby grins a little too wickedly, before holding out her hand* “So, we’ll shake on it this time, okay?”

<Anna> *Anna rolls her eyes again reaching out and shaking Ruby’s hand.* “Fine, we’ve shook on it. Now go make the runt suffer.”

<Jo> “Gladly.” *Ruby lets out a laugh, vanishing away*

#4 - Anna and Ruby making a deal...

<Anna> *Anna spent the morning getting over her hangover at the hospital, she thought the sound of the saw they used to cut the cast off was something they created in hell but then everything seemed better once they looked at the wounds, they had healed but not how they had hoped. She suspected that was Crowley’s doing and she just nodded as they worked with her and fitted a plastic piece around the fron

<Anna> of her leg that would let her walk almost normally. They had set up appointments she wouldn’t go back too and when she left she breathed out, walking slowly. When she got home she thought about Ruby and Jo and she set everything up to summon the demon*

<Jo> *Ruby had been sleuthing about finding just the right pawns for the rest of her plan, double checking everything in such a way she could get this plan to unfold with her seeming innocence in tact when she feels the pull of a summoning. Staring at Anna when she arrives, she gives the other’s worse appearance a look* “So.. want to add another person to your little revenge route now?”

<Anna> *Anna is leaning against the wall when Ruby appears, she’s spent enough time in bed now that the cast is off and she shakes her head.* “No I want you to not go after Grey. I’m going to assume you haven’t because Jo hasn’t screamed at me.”

<Jo> “But, angelcake, I’ve already got everything set up. Ready to go. And I doubt Barbie would be screaming at you about it.” *Ruby almost sulks, not enjoying the idea of being told she needs to abort another game before her eyes flash back to Anna* “Would I still get my favor from you?”

<Anna> *Anna rolls her eyes as Ruby seems to sulk.* “Yes you still get your favor. Just things have changed and it’s for the best right now if you don’t go after him.”

<Jo> *Ruby smiles widely at the confirmation she still gets something, now out of doing nothing, before giving Anna a quizical look, moving around the small space to look out the tiny window* “So… just what has changed that sparked this change of heart? Not fucking the little monster now instead?”

<Anna> *Anna glares pushing off the wall walking away from Ruby.* “No I am not. I was asked to not do anything to him for right now and at risk of loosing hte last person willing to talk to me right now I’m doing what she asks.”

<Jo> “Jo, then. Interesting.” *Ruby lets Anna get a few feet away before disappearing and reappearing in front of her with a smirk* “You know.. my plan was going to include her. Just enough that she’d be a little too shaken up to even think about where this all came from. You’d have been free as a bird, and she might even prefer your company again over that of men.” *Sliding past and around her, Ruby

<Jo> adds quietly, her chin hooked over Anna’s shoulder and whispering in her ear* “Sure you want this over?”

<Anna> *Anna stops wincing as Ruby appears and she listens she breathes deeply..the idea that Jo wouldn’t want Grey around is what she wants and she’s thinking hard about letting Ruby do it but then she feels Ruby’s chin on her shoulder and the demon is whispering in her ear and she’s snapped out of it.* “Yes I’m sure.” *Shoving Ruby away from her she crosses her arms*

<Jo> *Ruby laughs at the reaction, stepping back with her hands on her waist, smiling widely* “Absolutely sure? Because it’s costing you either way”

<Anna> “Yes I’m sure. Jo has made it clear that the first one of us that does anything else is going to be shot and so far that’s the one thing I’ve never experienced and I would like to keep it that way.”

<Jo> *That answer surprises her, raising an eyebrow at the redhead before nodding her head once* “Okay, sure, I won’t start my little plan. But if you change your mind.. your going to have to pay again”

<Anna> “And what would be the price for next time?” *Anna sighs wishing she had put down traps as she walks back towards the kitchenette, running a glass of water*

<Jo> *Ruby moves freely about the apartment, moving to sit down on the small bed, crossing her knees as she watches Anna* “Protection. From you. Forever.”

<Anna> *Anna laughs as she comes back sitting in the chair that goes to the broken table.* “I think I need more protection from you.”

<Jo> “True, but who knows. Big brother might give you a reboot if you ask him and then maybe you’ll want to get revenge for those little legs of yours. Which I’d rather a gaurantee that that’s not going to happen.”

<Anna> “That won’t happen. Angel isn’t in my future and as for my legs..I’ll get my revenge on you in time.” *Anna takes a sip from the glass*

<Jo> *Ruby smirks slightly, her lip curling up wider as she runs an eye across Anna;s little plastic tubing sticking out from her jeans* “I was just worried about your legs actually. Gabriel would be unlikely to want to make his sister so upset about the whole Grace and falling thing /again/. As for the revenge.. I want to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

<Anna> “I’ve already cashed in all my favors with Gabe. And as far as everything else..well..”*Anna shrugs taking another sip of the water.* “You can try but unless I want to make another deal with you. You won’t get protection from me.”

<Jo> “Glad to hear it then.” *Ruby sighs at Anna’s confirmation that she’d need the other to make another arrangement with her, but figures it was only a matter of time before she’d be interested in starting her little plan on the monster again* “We’ll see then, Anna.”

<Anna> “I’ve already warned Jo to watch out for you so don’t think about doing it anyway Ruby.” *Anna raises an eyebrow at Ruby with a bit of a smirk*

<Jo> “She wouldn’t know it was me if I did anyway, Anna.” *Ruby sneers back at her with a laugh*

<Anna> “Well she would now since I warned her.” *Anna counters right back*

<Jo> “What makes you so sure I was even going to be around when it hapened?”

<Anna> “What makes you so sure Jo wouldn’t summon you and I wouldn’t be around to let you out of that trap. Have you seen what Jo does to monster’s when she’s pissed?”

<Jo> *Ruby stands up, approaching the other and leaning down to look the seated woman straight in the eye with a smirk* “Again, what makes you think she’d know it was me?”

<Anna> “Because I’ll tell her.” *Anna raises a brow not understanding how Ruby is this stupid.*

<Jo> “And I’ll tell her it’s because you asked me to. Otherwise, what reason would I really have to fuck with her and her little boytoy since both are on my payroll?” *Ruby continues smirking, raising an eyebrow in response*

<Anna> “Jo already knows idiot that I started something.” *Anna stands dumping the water she blessed over Ruby’s head.*

<Jo> *Ruby lets out a shout at the water, jerking away from Anna with a scowl before scratching and shaking at her head to get it off before grabbing the corner of the sheet on the bed and using it to dry at her hair* “Doesnt mean you know what you started. And trust me, you wouldn’t like her knowing it was on your original incentive that that was going to happen.”

<Anna> “I’m not sure you understand how beyond caring I’m starting to be right now Ruby. Grey already wants to kill me and that’s fine and if Jo ends up hating me, well that’s just my luck and I haven’t even got to how bad things are with Crowley.” *Anna can’t help but enjoy watching Ruby smoke for a moment as the water burns the demon.*

<Jo> “Well then princess, how bout you tell me and I’ll see if I can’t actualy help out. What with our mutual hatred of that demonic pain in the ass.”

<Anna> “And what is the price for your help with that?”

* STATUS: Online

<Jo> “The same price I said, protection from you.”

<Anna> “No, I’m no threat and you know it.”

<Jo> “Doesn’t mean I dont think you may be in the future.” *Ruby shoots her an almost nice smile, though her snide tone betrays it*

<Anna> “I think it’s flattering that you think I have a future.” *Anna sits back down rolling the empty glass in her hands*

<Jo> *Shrugging a shoulder, she sits back down on the end of the bed, continuing to dry her hair and head with a sneer* “What can I say? I think you’d give the guy a good enough kick out of ruining you that he won’;t kill you yet.”

<Anna> “Oh you mean like you tried to do?” *Watching Ruby using her sheets she rolls her eyes* “There’s a towel in the bathroom.”

<Jo> “I tried to what? Kill him? Not likely, I’m not that dumb. Or ruining you? I think you’ve got your papers mixed up, Anna.” *She shoots the other a look at the suggestion, continuing to use the sheet with a smirk*

<Anna> *Anna gets up walking to the bathroom, she can’t believe she’s making small talk with the demon..this is a new level of low for her. Grabbing the towel she throws it at Ruby as she comes back into the room* “I’m refering to the hospital. I assume that one reason you just didn’t kill me. More fun for you to watch me.”

<Jo> *Ruby laughs at Anna fetching the towel, catching it with one hand and looking temptedly at the sheet still before using the towel instead to just triple check she wasn’t going to continue smoking* “Ah. Well, that is true. But more it was a case of your being more useful while still alive.”

<Anna> *Anna shakes her head, the demon thinks she’s still useful. She’s sighs as she sits back down* “So soon as my use is gone then you kill me?”

<Jo> “Why would I bother wasting my time doing that? I just wont talk to you, easy enough.”

<Anna> “True though you’re the one that can be summoned.”

<Jo> *Ruby sighs, tossing the towel behind she’s sure she’s not still got any water on her, giving Anna a sharp look before laughing* “But then you would be annoying. And worth killing.”

<Anna> “Not if you are trapped. I said I would let you out of them, I never said when.” *Anna smirks at Ruby*

<Jo> “I..” *Ruby frowns, staring at her for a second before laughing* “Well well well, you worked out the loophole. Here I thought those drugs might have scrambled your brain enough that it wouldnt have”

<Anna> “Why do you think I agreed to that to begin with?” *Anna glares at her just a bit for thinking her that stupid.*

<Jo> “Sheer need? Either that or maybe you just wanted a kiss.” *Ruby smirks, leaning back on her hands as she looks about the room again* “So, any reason your face is all rearranged, angelcake?”

<Anna> *Anna reaches up touching one of the bruises from where Gray kicked her and she shrugs.* “Gray and I aren’t talking right now.”

<Jo> *Ruby’s brow shoots up, looking at her interestedly* “Really really? Well. That’s an interesting way to decide upon that type of thing.”

<Anna> “It’s better than the first date you might say. Sorry your weren’t the first to try and take my leg off.” *Anna chuckles some*

<Jo> “Well, looks like we’re well on the way to your being my willing bitch, right?” *Ruby smirks back at her, trying not to laugh again*

<Anna> *Anna glares and crosses her arms* “Keep talking and I’ll start exorsing you just to cause you pain.”

<Jo> “Oh, exorcisms. I like it when you talk dirty to me.” *Her tone is completely flat, looking back at the other*

<Anna> *Tilting her head Anna smiles sweetly and starts to talk to her in Enochian*

<Jo> *Ruby snarls, twitching and holding up a hand* “No. Okay, no thank you. I can’t understand you and that really hurt to listen to.”

<Anna> “It’s Enochian, listen closer” *Anna chuckles*

<Jo> “Doesnt mean it doesn’t hurt, good lord is that what you guys pass off as a language?” *Ruby laughs, shaking her head, not dropping her hand*

<Anna> “What, you never heard your daddy speak it? Alastair and Lilith know it, I guess you weren’t important enough to learn it.” *Anna keeps speaking in the angelic tongue*

<Jo> *Ruby rolls her eyes at her, shifting her hands and lying back, pressing the palms of her heels against her ears at the others talking, getting a few words here and there but little else* “That whole thing is archaic. I’d think if Lilith knew how annoying that damn well sounded she’d be turning all of Hell into a giant sound system playing that gibberish.”

<Anna> “Archaic but effective for sending demons back to hell.” *Anna grins as she speeds up, talking faster now, hoping to reach the end of it before Ruby realizes*

<Jo> *Ruby jerks upwards, looking at her with a snarl* “You want me back in Hell? Fine. I’m going.” *She sneers at the redhead for a second, calling her bluff and wondering to herself what she’s going to do with the broken shell of a girl she was sticking inside of if she continues*

<Anna> *Anna shrugs as she keeps speaking* “Call this payback for the leg.” *She can deal with the body, she’s got used to cleaning up after Gray and resumes her speaking*

<Jo> “Don’t bury the bitch will you? I like this one.” *She shudders slightly as Anna keeps talking, struggling to stay in her body now more than before as the other gets closer to fully springing her out, before Ruby feels the final tug and lets out a scream as she’s pulled out in her true form and sent back down with a burst of lightglobes*

<Anna> *Anna watches the body fall and she wonders how long it will take Ruby to find her way from the bottom pit she sent ehr too. Grabbing a hand she checks the body to see if she’s dead and she sighs barely finding a pulse..dragging the body out to the parking lot Anna calls 911 saying she found the girl coming back from dinner*

#5 - Anna and Ruby discussing collars

<Jo> *Getting out of Hell was getitng both more and less difficult as time went by, Ruby finding more paths blocked but new gaps popping up all the time, and while it took her what could be considered a few weeks to fight and sneak her way out, the time it took to locate her current prefered body ‘up top’ was more frustrating. Smoking out of the intensive care ward, she finds her way back to the

<Jo> angel’s apartment, hell-bent on getting a bit of revenge. The redhead is laying passed out on the bed when she arrives, an occurance Ruby hadn’t had the fortune of seeing yet and kicking her foot sharply against the heel of Anna’s feet she snaps nastily* “Rise and shine, bitch, I wanted to let you know how bad your little plan worked out.”

<Anna> *Anna getting home had went back out after hours of trying to work out a way to get the collar off, coming home again with a bottle she drank until she passed out, shutting her mind off from everything. The kick to her foot barely phased her and the sound of someone’s voice in the room with her has her blinking slolwy as she pushes herself up on her elbows.* “What?”

<Jo> *Ruby frowns at the slow reaction, before noticing the mostly-drunk bottle beside the bed and the blurry reaction, smirking slightly* “Oh I’m sorry, did you not hear me?” *Her voice gets louder as she speaks, a sneer on her face as she moves around near to Anna’s head, almost shouting* “I said, rise and shine you fucking whore.” *She spots the shiny metal around the other’s neck almost instantly

<Jo> once she was closer, though holds off questioning it as she starts tapping the others temple with a finger harshly*

<Anna> *The screaming in her ears is enough to sober her quickly and she tries to push Ruby away, her movements uncordinated and sloppy.* “Go back to Hell, leave me alone Ruby.” *Anna doesn’t want to deal with the demon, she can still hear Grey’s words from last night and she squeezes her eyes shut trying to bat Ruby’s hand away*

<Jo> “Hmmm, only if you come with me too, angelcake.” *Ruby smirks, volume still slightly higher than normal as she avoids the others attempts to avoid her easily* “Now I wonder what sent you to the bottle, Anna. Maybe the shiny new neck piece?”

<Anna> *Anna groans hearing Ruby’s loud tone and she tries to shove the demon away* “Crowley, there happy? Please leave.” *Sitting up she rubs her eyes trying to clear them, she’s not sure if still isn’t a bit drunk as the room sort of spins slowly*

<Jo> “Not in the slightest. You sent me back to fucking /Hell/!” *She shouts again, even if the redhead’s actions worked in her favor, she had no intention of letting her know that, reaching out to slip a finger into the very thin gap between metal and skin, pressing harshly back into Anna’s neck rather than actually being able to fit it, and tugging her forward*

<Anna> “Your the idiot that set there and let me!” *Anna snaps as her head throbs with every word Ruby shouts. She grabs Rubys wrist trying to push her hand away as the demon reaches for the collar, wincing as Ruby’s fingers dig into her skin, nearly falling off the bed at the tug.* “Leave me the hell alone!”

<Jo> *Ruby laughs cruelly at Anna’s flailing, smirking as she catches her with her other hand, twisting the metal ring slightly in curiosity* “But I want to know what’s so interesting about you that crazy fucker gave you a ring. Is your tongue action really that good?”

<Anna> *Anna winces as the collar twists her head leaning to the side* “Crowley is an ass. I’m not that interesting. He did this to Grey too so it’s nothing special!” *Digging her nails into Ruby’s wrist she tries to pry teh demon’s hands off of the collar*

<Jo> “Oh? I’d have to disagree given he kept that monster for quite some time - must be something of use that you both have.” *She smirks slightly, brow raised, beforeshe digs her finger back towards Anna’s throat* “I wonder just what this collar does..” *Ruby’s eyes widen in amusement as she decides to test it, scratching at the inside of the collar with her finger and powers alike*

<Anna> *Whatever Anna is about to say stops as the collar does exactly what Grey said it would do and she tries to scream as her body arches, the shock running down her spine, leaving her seeing stars for a moment in her hungover state*

<Jo> *The second she feels the jolt, Ruby’s tugging her hand away, watching Anna tense and bend as she lets out a strangled scream. Waiting a second, she laughs loudly* “Well. /That/ looks like something /fun/.”

<Anna> *Sitting on the bed, she holds onto the edges as she breathes hard, it only lasted a second but it felt like someone hit her hard and she looks up glaring at Ruby* “Fuck off”

<Jo> “I wouldn’t be getting angry with me right now, angelcake. I could set that off again in a second” *Ruby laughs again*

<Anna> “Fine, what do you want?” *Anna resists the urge to rub her temples, her head is throbbing now and her throat feels sore, like she’s starting t come down with something from the shock*

<Jo> “Well, I was coming for a little revenge, so…” *Ruby doesn’t so much trail off as reach out to press a finger against the metal again, pulling and scratching at it with her powers again, a dark grin on her face*

<Anna> *Anna tries to move away and the next thing she knows is she’s laying on her back blinking up at the ceiling breathing hard* “Fuck you Ruby* "Wincing her throat hurts even more and she glares up at the demon*

<Jo> "No, Anna, thats what that collars supposed to symbolise. Youre the concubine and you’re going to give one hell of a blow job seiving like that in the middle.” *The glare and words basically roll off, Ruby smirking down at Anna almost gleefully* “Your going to be even worse than that little monster ever was, arent you? Cause he delluded himself while youre going to get off in reality, am I right?”

<Anna> *Anna rolls over getting to her feet trying to shove past Ruby unsteadily.* “I’m not listening to you.” *She tries to block Ruby out, to not listen but she can’t and she tenses.* “That’s right I’m going to be a good fallen angel and I’m going to lay on my back and spread my legs because that’s the only way that I know how to keep people safe. There? Happy?”

<Jo> “Is that what you were doing with the other monster all this time?” *Ruby looks at Anna almost knowingly, smile twitching to show as she shoves her back down on the bed with one hand*

<Anna> *Anna looks up at Ruby before looking away* “What other monster?”

<Jo> “Don’t play coy, it’s not befitting” *Leaning down, pinning Anna with a stare, Ruby grins cruelly before speaking as though to a child* “Was that what you were doing with Gray all this time? Laying back and spreading to keep your little friends safe. I’ll bet that was part of it, wasn’t it? If he didnt hurt your pals, you’d let him fuck you til morning light.”

<Anna> *Anna’s fist comes up as Ruby leans down over her and she hits the demon in the mouth* “Shut up! You don’t know anything about what went on with Gray and I. It was never ever like that! *Anna’s pissed, she closes her eyes wiping them as she thinks about Gray.*

<Jo> *Jerking back, she rubs at her mouth before laughing* "I think I hit a nail hard on the head. Even if you can’t admit it. But oh well, I think I’ll leave you to your moping, angelcake, you’ve still got a fair bit of a bottle there” *Smirking, Ruby touches at Anna’s collar again, powers attacking harder this time before she vanishes away*

<Anna> *The pain hits Anna and she lays gasping, glad Ruby is gone and hating everything at the moment. Her hand reaches up feeling the collar and she crawls up into bed, crying herself back to sleep*

#6 - Anna and Ruby make another agreement, this is when Ruby discovers Jo’s knife

<Anna> *Anna sat in her apartment, she had the meds that Jo told her to get for Gray but she hadn’t gone back yet and she hadn’t seen Crowley again. She rubs her hand around the collar and she wonders if Crowley is as powerful as God or if there was a true limit to his power. Standing up she salts off an area and she summons Ruby.*

<Ruby> *Ruby was hoping the further away from Anna the less her collar would shock her - sadly that theory didn’t work, but the people in South Africa were dull enough given she couldn’t understand a word that she didn’t particularly mind staying there. Right up until the summons which has her snarling at Anna the second she appears hissing at the salt line across the part of the room she was in* “What.”

<Anna> *Anna looks at Ruby, she’s openly hostile and she starts to question it but then she doesn’t, it doesn’t matter.* “I want to talk about finding a limit to Crowley’s power and I need a demon.”

<Ruby> “And I want to fry your ass for whatever bullshit you’ve been doing recently. If I let you do yours, can I do mine?” *Ruby glares back at the other woman, crossing her arms as she tries to work out what on earth she was doing there. if she needed a demon, she could have called endless faceless masses in all honesty*

<Anna> “What is your problem? I haven’t called you in ages.” *Anna stands at the salt line, arms crossed as she stares at Ruby. “Do you want to keep Crowley around? If so I’ll leave you here.”

<Ruby> “My problem is the cat and mouse you’ve been playing with someone - be it Crowley or Sparky or the other one. Quit getting your ass shocked to kingdom come.” *Ruby shrugs a shoulder, not answering as to whether she wanted the supposed king around*

<Anna> “What? What does my being shocked have to do anything? I haven’t talked to you because last time you decided to try it. Why do you think I’m behind a salt line?” *Anna rolls her eyes at Ruby, the demon had worst moodswings than her she thinks. Whatever Ruby’s been doing it’s not her issue.* “Now do you want to work on Crowley or do you want to stay here for a while?”

<Ruby> “Because it’s annoying and painful as all hell that’s what. You can get rid of the salt though, I’m not going to shock you any time soon. Or at all.” *Glaring still, Ruby pokes her foot as close to the salt line as possible, giving Anna a glare* “What did you want, Anna?”

<Anna> “Crowley didn’t like you playing with his toy did he?” *Anna smirks for a moment as Ruby talks about it hurting.* “Crowley once told Dean that deals can do practically anything, it’s basically the most power tool a demon has. I want to know if you can deal away his work.”

<Ruby> *Ruby raises an eyebrow at Anna’s suggestion about her not enjoying the playing, automatically lifting a hand to her neck before dropping it like she’d burnt herself even thinking about the collar around it. The question about deals makes her pause, staring at the other* “Deals /can/ do practically anything, it’s all in the wording and knowing your way around it. What did you want?”

<Anna> *Watching Ruby raise her hand to her neck and she tries to not smile, it’s the first thing in weeks that’s made her actually feel amused about anything.* “Did Crowley give you a presant Ruby?” *She doesn’t elaborate anymore about her idea, if Ruby was wearing a collar then maybe things changed in her original idea.*

<Ruby> *The look of smug amusement sets her teeth on edge, glaring across at the other woman with a heavy sigh* “What did you want, Anna? Anything to fuck over that pompous waste of energy is good in my books.”

<Anna> “Answer the question first Ruby? Are you wearing a collar?” *Anna raises a brow, still smiling as Ruby avoids the question. Bending over she tries to look at Ruby’s neck closer.*

<Ruby> *Anna’s approach just makes the demon step backwards, away from the other woman as the idea her interest might get the better of her little salt lines* “You answer mine.”

<Anna> “I can find out for myself, all I have to do is try and remove mine..” *Anna threatens tapping her collar, she’s not above it and she lifts her chin up as she waits for Ruby to call her bluff.*

<Ruby> “Touch it and I will never help whatever deal plan you have going on. And trust me, other demons won’t touch you with a ten foot pole. I’m your best shot, angelcake, and if you do that I guarantee I will do everything in my power to screw you and your little bitch over.”

<Anna> “So you are wearing one. Interesting.” *Anna smirks as she wonders just how many time Ruby has been shocked. It made having woke up the floor a few times a bit more bearable, the only times she didn’t think it was ever worth it was when Crowley had started her training.* “Do you think deals can undo what he’s done. Angel magic and brute force hasn’t worked on these, I tried for about a week”

<Ruby> “Oh, I know you did.” *Ruby mutters darkly, thinking it over but thinking it would probably end up not working, at least on the collars* “Collars, no. Probably not.”

<Anna> “What about unlocking them? Or giving us the way to unlock them?” *Anna wants to look at Ruby’s to see if it’s different but she can’t se it.* “Let me see yours.”

<Ruby> “No way in Hell, Anna. Mine’s just a little less… possessive than yours.” *Stepping away further until she’s as far as she can go, Ruby hisses the words out, crossing her arms under her chest* “And again, probably not. These are blocked from my abilities, otherwise I would have cracked it off before now. During whatever crazed attempt to kill yourself you were going through.”

<Anna> “So then you’re a coward not even willing to see if we can deal you’re collar off.” *Anna feels herself growing agitated at Ruby’s reluctance, if she can deal these collars off and get Ruby to break the deal she can try again to break what Crowley did to Gray.*

<Ruby> “I’m just not stupid like you. I’ve checked in with the leading expert on getting to walk about looking like a trained monkey, and the only way these things come off is through Crowley. Deal with it.” *Ruby raises an eyebrow at the other, not quite getting how thick the other must be to not understand what she was saying - it’s not going to work*

<Anna> “So you’re great demon powers can give people the ability to find Death, get his scythe but you can’t even try to unlock a piece of metal? Or was that it Crowley was just better than you even as a demon?” *Anna stands at the edge of the salt line as she tries to provoke Ruby into trying.*

<Ruby> “In case you haven’t realised from these babies..” *Ruby points towards her eyes, flashing them black and keeping it that way as she steps closer towards Anna again* “I’m not a crossroads. Sure I can make deals, but I don’t have to - and I sure as hell already know you’re little idea WONT FUCKING WORK ON MY COLLAR SO WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I!” *That Anna was still pushing her was pissing her off enough to scream into the other’s face, glaring darkly as her face flushes in anger*

<Anna> *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she huffs.* “Fine then you’re no use. You won’t even try and to deal for a way to unlock them then get out. Oh wait, you can’t and Crowley will be back eventually.”

<Ruby> “Hold up a second missy. You were trying to suggest to deal /off/ these, not a way /to/ get them off.” *She’s still frowning, voice lowering back down again as she heard the change in proposition, though it also set off another round of anger through her* “Learn to fucking speak and suggest your ideas, angelcake, because to get a way /to/ unlock them, not unlocking them themselves..”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs at Ruby, stepping back from the salt line* “I did speak, getting them off instantly or getting a way to get them off all end in the same result, the collars off. There’s not guarantee that if Crowley dies these come off, if you want to live with them for eternity, go for it.”

<Ruby> “You… you have no fucking clue about deals do you? It’s all in the words. Getting them off is not something I can do, I told you that. And that’s not the same as getting a way to then get them off - which is something I /can/ do. Fucking Lucifer, I thought you angels were supposed to be /smart/.” *Ruby glares back at her, shaking her head in something between exasperation and amusement*

<Anna> *Anna chuckles, she’s amused at Ruby’s frustration. She knows very well about deals and how the wording works.* “So are you willing to work with me on a way to get them off? Or should I get you a chair to get comfortable and while I’m out I’ll leave the tv on infomercials for you.”

<Ruby> “Maybe you should make yourself absolutely clear as to what /your/ end of the deal will be, Anna. Given I can choose to completely ignore you and get some more unknowing creature to do it for me..”

<Anna> “The collars and something else I don’t want to talk about yet till I see if we can remove the collars. Of course, I make the deal and you break the contracts right away since I know you can do that.” *Anna gets serious as she walks back over to the salt line, she’ll break it once Ruby agrees.*

<Ruby> “What do /I/ get?” *Ruby just stares back at her, not sure Anna even understands how little she has to deal with* “I don’t get your soul, you don’t have one - and from what I can tell you’ve sold basically everything else. What do I get for helping you, rather than just finding some schmuck and getting them to ask for whatever will break these?”

<Anna> “I don’t turn you over to Crowley and tell him you came to me with this idea.” *Anna smiles at Ruby*

<Ruby> *That makes her laugh, shaking her head* “No deal. I highly doubt he’d be anything but amused at my trying to escape, he probably already knows I went to ask his little shadow toy about it. That’s not a good enough incentive.”

<Anna> “What do you want then Ruby? How about you tell me that instead.” *Anna can feel the frustration creeping back up, she’s so close to getting a real chance of finding a way around all of this and Ruby’s being greedy, she thought getting the collar off would be good enough.*

<Ruby> “Your sword.” *Rubys says it plainly, smirking slightly at the frustration showing up on Anna’s face* “Your angelblade.”

<Anna> “Why would you want that? And if you haven’t noticed, I don’t have one anymore.” *Anna doesn’t trust the demon with something that can wound and kill angels.*

<Ruby> “Oh really? You don’t have yours stashed away somewhere? You go and get it, and bring it back - and I will come with whatever it is that will get us out of these things. Deal?” *Ruby continues to smirk knowingly, quite sure that Anna would decide it was worth it in the end* “This is the point where we kiss and take off.”

<Anna> “No I don’t have one, haven’t had one in a while.” *Anna rolls her eyes at Ruby, she never expected Ruby to want an angel blade and she just isn’t sure that she can give her one even though she knows there are some at the bar.*

<Ruby> “Quit lying, Anna. You want that collar off, don’t you?” *The hesitance was making up for much more than it wasn’t, as Ruby waits for Anna to just agree*

<Anna> *Anna sighs kicking the salt line* “Fine, I can get one more than likely, why do you want it. Only angles can kill another angel.”

<Ruby> “Again with the lies. Or at least, it will be. So we have ourselves a deal - an angelblade for the way to unlock these.” *Ruby doesn’t bother waiting, keeping the words as short and untwistable as possible, before reaching over the broken salt line for the other getting more enjoyment out of the way the sharp kiss will probably freak out the other*

<Anna> *Anna would have been freaked out months ago but after everything recently, kissing Ruby isn’t even close to the top of her list of horrible experiences and she breaks it looking back at Ruby.* “Now get out.”

<Ruby> *Frowning for a second, Anna’s reaction brings out a mean laugh - realising that whatever must have been happening to the other must be pretty bad that she didn’t get more than a bland reaction* “Yeah yeah, you just get that blade” *Giving another laugh, Ruby vanishes away, searching the way the deal was tugging at her to try and find her end of the bargain*

<Anna> *Anna turns once Ruby is gone heading back to Gray’s hotel. She didn’t tell the demon that she had one in ehr bedroom at the bottom of her bag. She didn’t use it and hadn’t used it in a long time but it was a still a comfort to have.*

#7 - Ruby tells Anna about how to get her collar off from Jo, and Ruby gets her ARCHANGEL BLADE!!!!

<Anna> *Anna has been to see Gray and she’s come back, she doesn’t trust staying for long for a number of reasons, Crowley mostly but it’s hard to be around him like he is and she’s almost the point of praying for something to help him. She still hasn’t heard back from Ruby and she’s getting close to summoning the demon to find out what she knowns.*

<Ruby> *It had taken a few days before the blonde hunter had left her house, but Ruby had caught her the second she stepped outside, explaining the situation, their own joint efforts and garnering an agreement and test on the demon’s own collar before getting the other to agree to help the angel. She’d found a way to get rid of the collars, and now she was set on getting payment. Appearing in the same corner as before, Ruby smirks as she announces* “Where’s my angelblade Anna?” *Her own collar was dangling, open and useless, from her hand*

<Anna> *Anna looks over hearing Ruby’s voice and she looks at the collar hanging in her hand.* “How did you get it off?” *Walking over to Ruby she moves the demons hair, looking at her neck to make sure that it isn’t a trick, she’s having to push down the hope that she can soon get Gray back to normal.*

<Ruby> “Our little hunter friend has a very special knife. She won’t hand it over, understandably - but as per our arrangement I just had to find a way to get these off.” *Ruby smirks, not reacting at all to the invasion of her space, tossing the collar far off to the other side of the room* “Barbie said she’d get yours off for you too, just so long as she keeps her little toy.”

<Anna> *Anna steps back blinking as Ruby tells her how she got it off.* “Jo..has a way to remove them?” *She wonders if her hearing has gone out on her because Jo hasn’t been in contact since she ran into her at Grays and nothing was said then to her about a knife.*

<Ruby> *Nodding, the demon leans back against the wall behind her, tilting her head to a said as she takes in the other’s shock* “She didn’t seem aware that she could, but I knew as soon as we made our little deal.”

<Anna> *Anna just frowns as she walks away to the bedroom, wondering why Jo has something like that and why she hasn’t said anything to anyone.* “How did Jo react when you said something to her about it?” *She asks as she comes back into the front room a few moments later, blade in hand.*

<Ruby> “Surprised. Very surprised. And she seemed reluctant to get it out as it was.” *Ruby’s eyes catch straight onto the blade in the other’s hand, smirk growing on her lips* “Though was happy enough to agree to help you out provided her little monster isn’t around when she does.”

<Anna> “So Grey doesn’t know either..” *Anna shakes her head she doesn’t know whats going on but she wants to find out. Closing her hand tighter she doesn’t want to give the blade over to Ruby and she hesitates.*

<Ruby> “Either that or she doesn’t want you around him for some reason.” *Shrugging her shoulder, the demon pushes forward, holding her hand out for the blade* “My end’s been done, time to cough up or get your runners on, Anna.”

<Anna> *Anna flips the blade around and offers it to Ruby, she’s still frowning at the fact Jo hasn’t said anything to anyone.* “We know it works on collars, will it work on anything else Crowley’s done? Do we know that or did Jo say anything about why she had it?”

<Ruby> *Quickly snatching the weapon before Anna could take it off of her, Ruby vanishes and appears behind her, the point of the blad pointing directly into Anna’s back while her other hand grips tightly around Anna’s hair, jerking tightly* “Oh I don’t know, frankly I don’t care why the little hunter is getting /actual/ presents from Mr. Almighty - she seemed pretty shut up about it at the time though. What I care about is you thinking a pathetic, featherless ex-angel like yourself can push me around.”

<Anna> *Anna steps back as Ruby grabs it and leaves, she’s not surprised at the demon and she’s about to step back when she feels the sharp point press against her skin and then the pain of her head being jerked back suddenly by her hair makes her yelp in surprise as Ruby talks behind her.* “You got your part of the deal and out of the collar!”

<Ruby> “True, but that doesn’t make up for the other times - and trust me, track this back and you threw the first stone. I’m not trying to destroy the world any more, and yet you yelled against me the same thing you did. So.. what’s to stop me from just killing you here?” *Ruby hisses, twisting her hand at Anna’s head sharply* “Especially now the collar’s off.”

<Anna> *Anna reaches back trying to get Ruby’s hand out of her hair, gasping as the demon twists it harder. She’s not going to admit it but feeling the blade against ehr skin doesn’t unnerve her but the kind of blade is making her nearly panic. It’s an automatic response that she can’t control even though she’s sure that it would just be like any other stab wound now.* “Nothing..”

<Ruby> “And what’s going to stop me in future from not just whipping this out and driving it through you?” *The way Anna was struggling made her smirk, the control definitely back in her corner and for once the both of them knew it*

<Anna> “Means that you plan on not killing me now if you’re threatening to stab me later with it.” *Anna winces feeling it scrape against her skin, something ironic and humilating to die as a human to an angelblade she thinks.*

<Ruby> “It does, doesnt it. Or maybe this little thing won’t kill you if I aim it just right - stab now, kill later.” *She shifts the blade so it was pressing at an angle against Annas shoulder blade, so if Ruby felt inclined it would slide cleanly underneath and out without hitting anything vital* “But whats stopping me, Anna? What power will you have to stop me? Ill give you a hint, it starts with ‘n’”

<Anna> *Anna whimpers feeling her move the blade and she swallows* “What is it with you demons and listening to the sound of your own voice..” *She’s not sure she can get rid of Ruby with an exorcism before the demon stabs her or if that would just prompt Ruby to kill her and she shakes her head.*

<Ruby> “Let’s call it over compensating, or at least most of them are. I, on the other hand, just want to point out trying to hurt me to get some benefit or exorcising me, is not a good idea. Just for future reference.” *Giving Anna a sharp shake, the tip of the blade pushing into Anna’s shoulder almost half an inch before she smokes back to her previous spot, letting the other go. Ruby sneers at her* “Go talk to Jo. And don’t fuck with me in future, alright?”

<Anna> *Anna breathes in sharply feeling the blade sliding into her skin before it stops and she’s left nearly falling when Ruby lets her go and she staggers back, her hand reaching behind her as she can feel the blood flowing down her skin. Glaring at Ruby she smiles* “Wonder what Crowley’s going to have to say about you playing with me again and getting his collar off…”

<Ruby> “Wonder what he’ll say about your little blonde friend helping me. I’d guess /she’s/ putting more on the line helping both me and /you/ than I have.” *Ruby sneers back, crossing her arms as she tucks the blade into the belt loop of her jeans until she can find somewhere safer* “I guess we /both/ should keep our mouth shuts unless we want all three of us on the chopping block, hmm.”

<Anna> *Anna just glares at Ruby, her shoulder aching and she’s not sure she’s going to be able to reach the spot on her own.* “Leave.” *Anna waves a hand dismissing Ruby, turning to walk away from the demon.*

<Ruby> “Gladly. Go talk to Barbie.” *Ruby grins, running a hand over the hilt of her new weapon before she vanishes, set on hiding low again*

#8 - Ruby and Anna make an agreement about getting the brands off of Gray

<Anna> *Anna stands in the apartment..she’s debating putting down a salt like after the last time but she wants to get Ruby to agree and if she starts out hostile it may just make Ruby leave so she lights the match and throws it in the bowl.*

<Ruby> *She’d been enjoying the freedom without the regular shocks the redhead must have been causing, but when she feels the pull of a summonings, Ruby is surprised that there isn’t a line or trap as she looks about the apartment* “You ever think of going bacl to your little protective den, angelcake? Got to be better than here.”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs and moves back sitting down.* “One place is as good as another.” *She chews on her lip trying to decide how to word what she wants from Ruby.*

<Ruby> “Right..” *Ruby gives the other a scrutinizing look for a second before leaning back on the wall nearest to her, arms folded* “So, what did you want /this/ time?”

<Anna> “Jo has a way to free Gray but she won’t. I want to make a deal to unbind him now that we know there is away.” *Anna looks at Ruby and she takes a breath as she watches the demon, her eyes scanning the body of the woman she’s wearing to see if she can see her angel blade.*

<Ruby> “Oh really? Got any idea why she won’t, because Barbie seems to be pretty comfortable these days - maybe Crowley doesn’t want him unbinded and the princess is listening to daddy dearest.” *Ruby sneers slightly as she speaks, internally rolling her eyes that Anna seems to think that she has anything of use to her to deal with or that Ruby’ll just jump into them.*

<Anna> “I don’t know, I don’t care. Screw what Crowley told Jo and screw Jo’s reasons.” *Anna stands up and she walks over to Ruby.* “Why do you care about protecting Crowley’s orders? You should enjoy the aspect of getting Barbie in trouble with him.”

<Ruby> “Don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t do, Anna. You’re the begger here, not a chooser.” *Anna’s approach sets off alarm bells, especially with the words she was saying as Ruby looks at her. One hand reaching behind her, she makes as though she’s reaching for what’s now her angelblade, a warning heavy in the action* “I don’t care about it, I just need to think on how to actually get something /out/ of this.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t move, if she stabs her again stepping back won’t exactly stop her.* “I know I’m the begger and I’m willing to pay at this point whatever you want.” *She smiles at Ruby, wondering if the demon is willing to deal, she’s beyond caring what price the demon names, it can’t be worse than how things are now.*

<Ruby> “Well…” *Ruby rolls her neck, looking skywards as she runs through her mind what she might need. Letting loose the psychopath should be fun enough, and if she can cover her tracks then she’ll be able to get out with her agreement with the blonde still in tact. It’s just a case of working out how to fix this* “For your complete and utter silence on my participation, that should you reveal which demon dealt with you for this - your little monster will go back to being the powerless little twerp he is right now. Because that’s the only way I will get a single iota of worth out of this” *Or at least as much as she could right now.*

<Anna> “You’ll do this for my never mentioning your participation?” *Anna raises a brow at Ruby, this seems far to easy but if that’s why Ruby wants then she can easily never mention her to anyone about this.*

<Ruby> “Not to anyone, not at all. And I will.” *Ruby smirks back at Anna’s almost confused look* “Like you said, getting Barbie in trouble is fun enough.”

<Anna> “Fine I won’t mention a single word to anyone.” *Anna shakes her head but she can live with this deal. It’s simple enough and she can do this easily so she smiles.* “You have a deal.”

<Ruby> “Let’s just hope the little monster or the hunter doesn’t try to get it out of you.” *Ruby sneers, as she reaches out to grip the back of Anna’s head - barely taking the smallest amount of time necessary to make the deal official. The second she lets Anna go, the briefest flashes of the suggestion of what needs to be done -the image of Grey like the other currently and Gray’s back slashed across- left up for her to interpret fill her head, sneer shifting into a knowing grin* “Well, now we know why hunter barbie wouldn’t play ball. You’re going to have to move the iron on your monster’s room, angelcake, and for what I’m going to do you might want to put him under.”

<Anna> “What do you have to do?” *Anna nods, moving the iron won’t be a problem and she can probably get Gray to take some pills to help him sleep since Ruby seems all the pleased with what she’s going to have to do to him.*

<Ruby> “You might want to find him some proper food too, while you’re at it. He’s going to need to heal some things, but like you said - you’re willing to pay any price.” *Ruby is already trying to formulate the best way in and out for her, with as little damage control for her own image as possible - not really caring what it might do to the monsters*

<Anna> *Anna nods, not sure if she should let him fee from her or maybe pay prostitute to be waiting the the room for when he wakes up and let him take it out on her.* “You didn’t say what you had to do to free him?”

<Ruby> “What makes you think I’ll tell you?” *Ruby smiles vaguely, shifting her weight as she moves away from the other - thinking that jumping suit for the other monster might be the smartest move*

<Anna> “You’re right don’t tell me, that way as you said if people try and get it out of me, I won’t know.” *Anna walks off, picking up a bottle of water and rinsing her mouth out from the kiss.*

<Ruby> *Ruby laughs at Anna’s rationalising why she shouldn’t know, even if the curiousity and desperation rolling off her to know what might happen to her precious little monster said otherwise. Still laughing, the demon appears beside Anna and pins her with a look* “I’ll be ready the second you move that iron - so you better hop to it, angelcake. Boyfriend’s going to be back.”

<Anna> *Anna jumps when Ruby just appears and she glares at her now starting to understand why humans find it annoying from angels and demons* “Fine, it’ll be moved tonight.”

<Ruby> “Good. I’ll take care of the rest.” *With that Ruby disappears away, automatically heading to storage area Jo was keeping the dagger in - figuring on her way the easiest way to convince the middle aged, balding owner*

#9 - Ruby meets with mindwiped!Anna

<Anna> *Anna hadn’t got the nerve up to go see Grey again, she had walked halfway across town to where the house was he shared with Jo but then she changed her mind. She couldn’t shake the idea that Crowley had changed the minds of him and Jo and she really didn’t want to think about it with Gray. Turning around she starts down the side walk, keeping the sweater pulled up around her, hiding the bruises on the side of her face that Crowley had left her.*

<Ruby> *Ruby’d been meaning to go prod the blonde hunter about getting her ass into gear over Crowley, when she noticed the redhead walking away from the house. The demon didn’t think Anna would have known where they lived to be able to be there at all, and deciding to see how her little arrangement went, Ruby appears in front of her with a snarl and slam of the other woman back into a nearby tree* “So.. Little Miss Angel all happy now her dirty works been done?”

<Anna> *Anna doens’t pay attention to the people around her, she guesses she should but she’s not a hunter and she doesn’t think anything dangerous would be in a town where hunters come to rest and drink. The appearance of a woman infront of her makes her jump, her mind instantly jumps to Gray and before she can ask if the woman is a monster she finds herself against a tree, the breath knocked from her as the woman snarls something about dirty work. Blinking as she see’s stars she gasps trying to form a solid thought.* “Who..what are..”

<Ruby> “Don’t play dumb with me, Anna, because I’m really not in the mood. Your little game has obviously set /my/ plans to get rid of that psychotic crazy calling himself the king of all back a few fucking weeks - which I didn’t realise at the time, so seriously.. don’t try to fuck with me right now, Anna.” *Ruby sneers back at her struggling and blinking, finding the reaction amusing even as the anger at how badly hell is going to shit for her with Crowley’s psychosis still happening rolls over her*

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t understand, she pushes back against the tree trying to get away from this woman. She doesn’t know what plans there are and she tries to move around the tree, if she can maybe she can run or someone will see what’s going on and help her.* “I don’t know you! I don’t know anything about a game. I’m not trying to mess with you, I promise!”

<Ruby> *When Anna struggles and keeps squirming it just makes Ruby sigh, focussing for once on using her powers to keep Anna in place and stop moving* “What the hell are you on about you crazy bitch? I though Barbie stopped forcefeeding you the magic pills.”

<Anna> *Anna shakes her head quickly, watching Ruby. She knew she was a demon that she had a history with her, that she tortured her and she tries very hard to not make the woman angry.* “I woke up in a hospital, thought I had been in a wreck that messed me up. I..I’ve been learning that wasn’t true from others like Gray and Jo. It’s some kind of training or something from Crowley.”

<Ruby> “And you’re still talking to Barbie and the Beast. Intruiging.” *Ruby smirks to herself looking at the other curiously* “So you’ve got no recollection whatsoever other than what they tell you?”

<Anna> *Anna shakes her head again. Barbie must be Jo and Gray..* “No, I was told that I knew you before but that’s all. I’m not a danger to you, I promise.”

<Ruby> “Youre right you’re not a danger. You’re just some shriveled up ex-power whose had her brain sucked drier than a wraith on a bender.” *Ruby laughs to herself at Anna’s reaction, shrugging a shoulder at the others promises - figuring a promise from the redhead meant next to nothing*

<Anna> “So just let me go then..” *Anna tries to pull away from the tree but the power keeps her there and she doesn’t understand so many things that people say now.* “I was never anything, just a college girl..I grew up in a church, I don’t know why everyone is so interested in me, I know I did things I don’t remember and I’m sorry!”

<Ruby> “You are far too amusing right now, Anna. Now tell me..what do you remember? Actually remember.” *Ruby grins widely, moving around to stand before Anna with a wicked grin*

<Anna> *Amusing is hte last thin she wants to be so she tries to make herself as boring as possible to the demon.* “I was in college, my parents were killed and I had a break down at their murder. I dropped out of college and found myself working in this city at a bar.”

<Ruby> “Cute… I remember you when you were like that. So cute. So naive. Absolutely terrified of me until we became best buds.” *Anna recollecting what Ruby remembered sending Sam and Dean to go and pick up makes her laugh, tilting her head to the side* “And what have you been told?”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t want to be cute, she doesn’t understand what Ruby means by what she was like that before and it makes her feel sick to her stomach.* “That I’ve done bad things, that I’ve had relationships with people..”

<Ruby> “Oh come on, don;t be coy.” *Ruby snickers, prodding the others shoulder to see if she’d react like she used to to her touch*

<Anna> *Anna flinches back at Ruby’s prodding.* “I don’t know what you want to know..I knew Jo, Grey hates me, you don’t like me, Gray doesn’t want to be with me because of Crowley and Crowley says I need retrained thanks to Grey telling him that we..slept together..and trying to make me believe that. So I don’t know what I’ve been told!”

<Ruby> “That’s all I wanted to know. …And who do you believe, red?” *Ruby grins wider, tilting her head to the side as she notices a few people wandering past and mutes Anna until theyre gone*

<Anna> *Anna starts to answer but then Ruby squeezes her throat, silencing her till the people are gone and once they are out of sight she’s allowed to speak.* “Gray..I believe him and Jo..I don’t know to believe Grey and Crowley..he can make me think whatever he wants me too if he wants..”

<Ruby> “You know the monsters can too, right? They can make you think things and do things that they want you to.” *Anna’s words about Crowley and obvious trust in Gray makes her want to cause trouble, especially after Ruby’s plans to debunk Crowley have taken their sweet time*

<Anna> *Anna didn’t know and she just stares at Ruby* “I..didn’t know. I..know about Gray, what he is and Grey. That one of them kills, one doesn’t..but they can’t do anything to your memories can they?”

<Ruby> “They can if they want to. Those boys are.. they’re very dangerous when you realise just /what/ they can do.” *She almost hisses the words out, moving around the tree and almost reappearing beside Anna’s other side, smirk still in place* “Why couldnt they do things to your memories if they wanted to? They give impulses, desires, ideas. They plant a thought in your head..”

<Anna> *Anna jumps when Ruby appears on her other side, she doesn’t like the expression on the demon’s face, it made her feel like mouse being played with before a kill and she bites her lip, speaking quietly.* “Gray..wouldn’t. I don’t know about Grey..he..really hates me and I could see him doing it.”

<Ruby> “What makes you think Gray hasn’t? He might have tampered so much you can’t remember that he hasnt.” *Ruby smirks wider, reaching out a hand to brush the other’s neck tauntingly* “I’ve known you longer than all of them, every single one of them. I knew you back in the hospital days, actually. And I never thought you’d ever want to be with a monster like that.”

<Anna> *Anna tries to move away from Ruby’s touch, closing her eyes as she tries to shut out the words, everyone is telling her that memories could have been messed with and she’s not sure what to believe from anyone now.* “How did we meet, why would I talk to you, you’re a demon..”

<Ruby> “I sent some friends of mine to get you out of the hospital. You were in danger there, and I sent them your way to save you. It’s..kind of their job. And don’t be such a racist.” *Ruby smirks to herself as she moves back from the other, still not releasing her*

<Anna> “Sent friends?..Danger? Why was I in danger.. I don’t even understand how I became involved in any of this, I’m nobody, I come from a simple family..why me?” *Anna watches as another couple walk by, biting her lip as she thinks about calling out but she doesn’t want to get them hurt.*

<Ruby> “Because Anna, you’re special. But no one is going to tell you why at all.” *Ruby lets out a loud laugh, staring back at the other as she seems to realise the predicament she’s in*

<Anna> “Why? Why won’t they tell me anything?” *Anna looks at Ruby, almost pleading. The fact that everyone is talking around subject with her is wearing her down. Only Gray had been open and blunt but maybe Ruby would tell her.* “Please..”

<Ruby> *Ruby sighs, looking at the other before smirking again* “Well, think about what people have called you, Anna. Really think about it. Their nicknames, their taunts, or just greetings. Try and find the connection about what it is about /you/ that makes you so so special. Because trust me, no one can keep their mouth shut about it, and you never could either.”

<Anna> *Anna hits her head against teh tree in frustration, fighting the hold that Ruby has on her. She’s doens’t know what Ruby’s talking about she’s been called angelfish, Ruby greeted her with angel..* “I’ve been called everything from bitch to angelfish to angel..but that’s just names people use.. I don’t understand what you mean.”

<Ruby> “…really? You can’t understand at all when something is being repeated, and I’m guessing from different sources too. Did Crowley take awya that brain of yours as well, or was that your monster?” *Ruby shakes her head, rolling her eyes at Anna*

<Anna> “I’m just a human!” *Anna practically screams at Ruby, she’s nothing more than that, there’s no way she could be anything else, she passed all the tests the hunters did on her.* “I’m just human..I don’t understand, I don’t.. I hate this..I hate all of you knowing and I’m not the kind of person that tortures demons or monsters. I don’t do bad things to people!”

<Ruby> “If that’s what you want to believe, Anna, go for it.” *Ruby snickers, dropping down the forces holding Anna back*

<Anna> *Anna stumbles forward when the powers let her go and she looks at Ruby.* “When you appeared..you said dirty work, what dirty work? I want to know, why were we working together?”

<Ruby> “Oh no, we weren’t working together. You were threatening and blackmailing me to help you. Theres a difference. I /work with/ Barbie, but you /made/ me do your dirty deeds.” *Ruby sneers back at her, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow*

<Anna> “How could I make you do anything, you’re a demon..” *Anna shifts from foot to foot, something is screaming at her to stop but she can’t and she keeps asking questions.* “What dirty work Ruby?”

<Ruby> “Easily, you /really/ like being Crowley’s favored pet. It means you think you have liberties that the rest of us don’t.” *She snarls the words out, tilting her head to the side and shaking it with a laugh* “You’ve probably already heard about it, especially if you’ve spoken to Mr Grumpy Pants.”

<Anna> *Anna runs her hands through her hair in absolute frustration and she glares at Ruby* “If I knew would I be asking! If I’m dense it’s because someone’s messed with my brain, what’s your excuse?!”

<Ruby> “No, you’d be demanding that everyone bend over and do as you say. I don’t have an excuse though, I’m not dense. Infact, I’m possibly the greatest mastermind around. Who happens to be very busy, so if you’ll excuse me.” *Ruby sneers back at her, letting out a laugh as she disappears away*

<Anna> *Anna looks on where the demon was before making a sound of total frustration, walking back home as quickly as she can, really thinking about how she’s starting to dislike everyone.*

#10 - Ruby being Ruby

<Anna> *Anna hadn’t heard from Gray sincce they last talked, fought, whatever and her last conversation with Jo only helped her in her choice. She came home, took up the iron chains, swept up the salt and she tossed away everything but the cell phone from the bar. Everyone else could live like this stuff did exist, she could too. She went to scanning the paper for a new job and once she had one she would ditch teh cell phone she had from the bar, cutting the last ties she had to it.*

<Ruby> *Ruby’d been bored, Hell was a shambles and she wasn’t wanting to hang around down there or near any olther demons until she knew what was going on - what plays Lilith or the other demons were going to pull out next. So she went back to spying on those she had indebted or tied in some way to her - except the hunter-monster house was empty and that just spelt boredom, so she turned towards the redhead’s apartment, appearing over her shoulder and peering down at the newspaper* “You should give the seedy looking advert for ‘female assistants’ a call. You’re good at selling yourself, might as well be for money now, angelcake.”

<Anna> *Anna jumps at the sudden sound of a voice over her shoulder and she stands up quickly turning around, already turning red at what Ruby had said to her.* “Go away. I don’t want anything to do with you, any of you.” *She didn’t like what Ruby had said about selling herself and she just glares at the demon as she grabs the paper folding it back up quickly*

<Ruby> “Oh, don’t be a child. Let’s have a looksy.” *Ruby smirks back at Anna, reaching over her to yank the paper from her hands, opening it flat on the table in front of her, keeping the other woman pinned in her spot with a hand over either shoulder, scanning the paper* “Table dancer, not your style. Admin assistant, well - I’m sure you’d be /very good/ at getting your work done, lets circle that.”

<Anna> *Anna closed her eyes in sheer frustration. Shouldn’t demons be afraid of angels or whatever she was supposed to be.* “I said go away!” *She couldn’t stand up and the feel of Ruby standing over her was making her skin crawl*

<Ruby> “And I said, don’t be a child.” *She snaps back, flipping a page of the paper over far too gently for the angry tone, before turning her head to look at the other woman* “Or I’ll have to punish you like one. We’re looking for a bogus job for you, so lets try to behave like adults for a few seconds, okay?”

<Anna> “Punish..maybe you should go into the porn industry. I’m sure there’s plenty of girls there willing to sell their souls to you.” *Anna doesn’t look at that paper as Ruby turns the pages.“ "Why are you here?”

<Ruby> “Deano did want to see the both of us, so how about if you join, I join.” *The sarcasm comes easily as Ruby keeps flipping without looking away from the other, far too curious trying to work out what the other was thinking taking down the iron and salt, and looking for work* “What are you trying to do here, Anna?”

<Anna> “Find a job what does it look like.” *She doesn’t know who Deano is and she doesn’t care. She huffs slumping back in the chair not fighting Ruby’s hold. It’s like waiting out a child to get bored she realizes.*

<Ruby> “Why would you bother doing it /this/ way though? Why not try to sell off what you have instead of a shiney bright soul for whatever dream job you could make?” *Ruby smirks slightly as the other stops fighting to get rid of her*

<Anna> “Because there’s nothing to sell. You know that and I just want to go back and be normal. I’m done with this life and the people that come with it. I want..I want the life that I remember back.” *She’s aware of just how much she sounds like she’s whining and she crosses her arms.* “So just leave me alone.”

<Ruby> “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Dave.” *Anna’s petulance at wanting to ignore the bed she’d made before and forgot about amused the hell out of the demon, moving one hand from the table to ruffle at the other’s hair with a mocking smirk now that there was nothing to fear of Anna getting pouty and calling either of her big protectors* “You see, you’re not supposed to be normal. Never were.”

<Anna> *Anna slaps the hand away and runs her hand through her hair straightening it back.* “I can try. We control our lives. I just want to find a job, get away from the hunting.” *Glaring at Ruby she stands up crossing her arms.* “Why do you even care?”

<Ruby> “No actually, you don’t. Silly little humans think they do, and your trying to be a human makes you want to too. But really? You’re all just.. little clogs planned from birth until death.” *She speaks like she’s talking to a child, letting out a sigh, before continuing to talk as she turns her attention back to the paper* “Course, the whole Apocalypse being subverted kind of messed with that. But things always sort out - I’m sure one of your brother’s or sister’s will have started writing out a new book just so the whole place doesn’t go to anarchy. I should ask your brother next time I see him.”

<Anna> “I don’t have any siblings. I’m an only child.” *Anna reaches out grabbing the paper and ripping it in half before throwing it down. She feels childish right nowbut she just feels nothing but frustration and anger at Ruby’s taunting her.*

<Ruby> *Ruby lets out a laugh watching Anna tear up the paper, the reaction far quicker than she expected* “Don’t go pretending you don’t know what I’m talking about, featherless.”

<Anna> “That angel crap or whatever..I might have been one but I’m not now that’s obvious because you aren’t like running in fear or anything of me and I just don’t care. I’m done with it, I am. I’m done with Jo, with Gray..everyone can take their problems and just leave me out. I just want a life that I understand..” *Anna sits back down in the chair taking the pen on the table, fidgeting with the top*

<Ruby> “And that life would be, what, working in a crappy job all your life just because you don’t like being out of control of everything? For shame.” *She smirks down at the other woman* “And angels are only scary when you don’t know how to stop them. These days? I’ve learnt, so unlike the others of my kind, I’m not so fearful of the divine wrath. As for you… I’d suggest you take off your baby panties and go back to playing the big leagues with the squeaky little monster who might have a chance of scaring my kind off from bothering you.”

<Anna> “Yes I want a crappy job and crappy hours and maybe just the idea that nothing strange is going to come out of teh shadows at me or appear behind me! That monsters and demons are just not real!” *She hates that Ruby makes sense and she doesn’t want it to make sense.* “I’m not an angel, I’m not anything just a human and I don’t even know how to play with the monsters as you put it so what good would it do for me to stay in this life?”

<Ruby> “Oh please, you don’t want that. If you wanted that then the second you came back from the dead all free-willed and strong-willed up you would have regardless. You do what you want, Anna, always do - and you /don’t/ want to be a nine-to-five girl. Unless it’s pm to am.” *Ruby shakes her head at the others defense, moving around to lean her hip against the table* “You know how to play with the one monster you /actually/ like. The rest… are pretty much the same honestly. Such fickle, boring little things that lot. Not that demons are any better.”

<Anna> *Anna bristles at the continued jabs at her selling herself and she’s even more angry at Ruby’s attempt to talk about Gray.* “There’s no monster that I like, like that..not anymore and there won’t be another and you can go to hell with your continuing to call me a working girl!”

<Ruby> “Been there done that, lots of call girls down there.” *She snickers slightly at the other getting angry, the change in colouration on her face making it far more amusing than it would be otherwise* “I’ll quit with the working girl commentary when you stop lying. You wouldn’t get so angry if I wasn’t hitting a nerve.”

<Anna> “You’re very being here hits a nerve!” *Anna snaps throwing the pen at Ruby’s head.* “I’m not lyin about what I want! Everyone in this life is so screwed up including you and I just don’t want to deal with it!”

<Ruby> *Ruby catches the pen as it bounces off her cheek, twirling it between her fingers as she listens to Anna screeching thoughtfully before replying* “So, if your little old monster showed up at that door saying he was sorry for reacting like he did, and wanted to have a rational discussion about things, you wouldn’t want to deal with it? Even though you’re just as screwed up as all of the rest of them?”

<Anna> *Snorting she looks at Ruby before sitting down away from the demon* “It wouldn’t happen. Every is so stubborn and just I don’t know.” *Anna run her hand through her hair in frustration.* “I know I’m screwed up but I want to change, that’s why I want to be normal.”

<Ruby> “You’re really pathetic, you know that right?” *Ruby just stares at Anna as she moves about, obviously getting frustrated at the demons presence and questions, but that was all part of the point.* “You think being normal isn’t screwed up. That’s sheer idiocy I’d only expect… well.. of you.”

<Anna> *Anna just huffs.* “Right, I’m pathetic because I’m not runningback to the crazy that got me in this mess to start. Bite me Ruby. I’d be more pathetic if I spent all my time whining about Gray wanting to sleep around or the fact Jo’s supposed to be my friend but just mean.”

<Ruby> “Why don’t you just let him? Not like he’s going to revisit them. Or even actually do it if you don’t say no on request. Crazy thing about guys - put them on a leash and they’ll work out how to hang themselves with it to get off, leave them without a collar and they’ll stop growling at the other dogs, stick to their owners side - or failing that come bounding back when their master calls. And by their master, I mean their bitch.” *Ruby sneers back at Anna, shaking her head at the other’s assessment and honestly finding the chance to possibly screw about with the making up, again, to be worth the sappy talk now to see what happens after later down the track* “As for the bitchy hunter, unless she’s trying to roll you in oil and set you alight, she’s being nice. You both have all the right in the world to wanna kill one another.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t even know why she’s trying to justify herself to the demon but she feels defensive of the way Ruby makes her sound.* “I didn’t say he couldn’t! I just said that if he did I could as well..because it’s only fair. And then it just went down hill because it just seemed like all we had in common was sex and this is stupid, you need to leave. Just go !”

<Ruby> *Ruby lets out a louder laugh when Anna tries to shoo her offer, shaking her head shifting to sit atop the table rather than just lean on it, looking at the other* “Why should I? You can’t make me. Just a normal girl now, bet you don’t even have a gun lying around anywhere. So, I don’t think I will. Your hatred of practically everyone else but one another is another thing you have in common, Anna.”

<Anna> “I don’t hate anyone!” I just don’t like anyone. Everyone is stubborn and pig headed and just stupid!“ *Anna walks over to the kitchen grabbing the table salt, unscrewing the top.* "I don’t a gun but I have salt..so you should go before things get uncomfortable for you.”

<Ruby> *When the other grabs the salt, Ruby lets out a laugh, disappearing only to reappear behind Anna, one hand grabbing the wrist holding the container* “And I can crack your wrist in an instant. Or see if the trick I did on your ankle would get the same reaction doing it to your hands as well.” *Tutting, she smirks back at the other* “You’re just as stubborn and pigheaded and stupid, Anna. it’s why you all really belong together. No one else sane enough would.”

<Anna> *Anna drops the salt container when Ruby grabs her wrist, she glad she doesn’t remember what Ruby did to her leg, the scars looked painful and the threat to do it to her wrist is enough to make her stand down.* “I don’t wnt to be like that! Why aren’t you listening? People can change, I want to change!”

<Ruby> “No they can’t. They just think they can. Delusion is one of the greatest parts of humanity, and you’re trying to very hard to be like them. Same as the other little monster - both decieve yourselves that playing human long enough will make you one of them, or that you can be like one.” *Ruby sneers at the other, pressing the front of her boot against the back of Ruby’s ankle with a growl before adding* “People don’t ever change. What they’ve done in their lives is what they’ll always be and will never be taken back. Why do you think even with the whole mumbo jumbo Sick Anointing that more and more people come and do the firey rumba? Get over your delusions Anna, you’re not changing again.”

<Anna> *Wincing Anna turns looking at Ruby* “What was your life like that you sold yourself to the pit. Is that how you know so much about being a whore? Just one more diseased girl, begging for pennies on their knees from men?”

<Ruby> “Not even in the slightest, and you don’t know a thing about the word diseased - least not any more. Don’t attempt to turn this mind game back on me, angelcake, we’re talking about you and how your dumb crusade to change yourself is pointless and futile beyond all else.” *Ruby grins darkly, twisting the others wrist*

<Anna> *Biting her lip she stares at Ruby* “So if people don’t change then you’ve always been a manipulative bitch. Coward that hides in the background. What did you get out of your deal Ruby?” *Anna hadn’t ever given much thought as to how old Ruby was but now she wondered about it.*

<Ruby> “I said we’re talking about you, Anna. Not me. I didn’t make a deal like you think, so if you’re that interested you can go snooping about for what it could have been.” *Ruby cocks an eyebrow back up at the other, looking blankly at her*

<Anna> “So you went down stairs through good old fashioned sin?” *Anna shrugs trying to pull her wrist away from Ruby.* “Did you kill your kids? Husband? How many times did you comit adultary like the town slut?”

<Ruby> *Anna’s attempts at narrowing down how se ended up downstairs makes her laugh, shaking her head in a fake sign of good nature before twisting harder* “D, none of the above. Really, you’re quite interested in what happened to a demon and with Hell for some normal girl, Anna.”

<Anna> *Anna yelps this time, her hand spasming as Ruby twists it.* “I..you won’t leave and if you’re going to hang out. Might as well get to know you. You enjoy knowing more about me than I know about myself.”

<Ruby> “This is true, I /do/ enjoy knowing more about people. I just don’t take kindly the the same being returned.” *Ruby hisses before dropping Anna’s hand, now that the salt was gone, before disappearing and reappearing back on the table top* “You don’t need to know anything about me. I’m not your /friend/. Maybe you should try turning that interest and 'get to know you’ attitude on people who actually /like/ you.”

<Anna> *Rubbing her wrists she can see the faint bruises already appearing she rolls her eyes.* “No one actually likes me. They tolerate me, it’s not the same as liking. And I tried to get to know people but all I keep getting is attitude. I’m sorry I don’t remember being a bitch..”

<Ruby> “If they didn’t like you, you’d be dead by now. No offense, people monsters or hunters don’t like tend to… disappear.” *Ruby smirks back at her, grinning widely when she notices Anna rubbing her wrists* “Let me put it like this, Red - your little friends, the ones you say you don’t like but for some reason feel like you do? If they didn’t like you, they’d have either killed one another or been fucking like rabbits for the last year long.”

<Anna> “Whatever Ruby.. Nothing that happens now matters. Everyone is just going to keep holding it over my head whatever I did before and I’m never getting past that with them.” *Anna sinks down into a chair, the fight going out of her as she shrugs her shoulders.*

<Ruby> “Maybe you should just try to find out difinitively what it is instead. Or tell them to shut the fuck up about the old Anna, because new Anna is here to stay and they should just suck it up that the numerous beatings and tearful screaming matches were all the renumeration they were going to get.” *She smiles cheerfully at the other, shifting to start picking at her nails now Anna’s not yelling*

<Anna> “Yea right..I don’t think any of tehm will let go of it and no one want to talk about it. Gray snapped finally and turned it back on me that I hurt him and I don’t even know what I did.”

<Ruby> “He got depowered, you reacted badly and treated him like his brother. It’s a point of pride for them /not/ to be one another, just so you know in future.” *Ruby continues cleaning at her nails, not caring whether sharing any bits of information for once aren’t getting her automatically something in return. She’s willing to wait for the profit later on.*

<Anna> “Treated him like his brother?” *Anna looks at Ruby, watching the demon cautiously.* “How did he get his powers back? Why did I react badly?”

<Ruby> “In case you didn’t get the memo - you and the little one hate one another. Another thing for you to know in future. And you made a deal with a demon for them to do what Barbie wouldn’t - cut up her little monster and free yours in exchange.” *She raises an eyebrow as she looks back at Anna, turning her attention to her other hand* “Dont know why you reacted weirdly though, probably because he got neutered power wise just to be able to be with you for a little while, and he wasn’t the same wanna be badass he usually tries to be. Freaked you out or something.”

<Anna> *Anna listens quietly, watching Ruby with her head tilted.* “So I made a deal, with Crowley? Is that why he says he owns my soul? or whatever I have?” *She’s not sure how much she can trust with what Ruby is saying but it goes back to what Gray said some and she feels bad for him.*

<Ruby> “Nah, you and Crowley had a different arrangement - bit fuzzy on the details of that actually. You don’t have a soul, you traded favors with whichever demon it was.” *Ruby carefully avoids mentioning which demon, shrugging a shoulder* “I found out because the damn thing couldn’t keep its mouth shut about torturing the other monster and waving about a super powered knife that belongs to Hunter Barbie.”

<Anna> “And what did we bargin for? What deals have we made? You keep talking about selling myself so I’m going to guess that we have made some kind of deal.” *Anna doesn’t trust Ruby and she wonders if this means she isn’t going to Hell then.*

<Ruby> “Us? We’ve had our exchanges. I’ve scratched your back, you’re required to free me from every Devil’s trap I find myself stuck in. Pretty good system, you and I.” *Ruby smirks back at Anna, not sure how she jumped to that conclusion that they’d made a deal but agreeing none the less*

<Anna> *Frowning she doesn’t like the idea that she has to let the demon out of a trap and she just nods.* “And what did I get out of it? What did you do for me?” *Anna wants to knock that smirk of Ruby’s face but she doesn’t know how.*

<Ruby> “I stepped into some.” *Ruby lets out a loud laugh at that, knowing that the other was never the most focussed on getting the words of a deal down and how much that one has come around to help her out*

<Anna> “No, what did you do for me? There had to be something I wanted bad to make a deal to let you out of any trap you get into. You like talking so talk Ruby.” *Anna stands up walking closer to the demon looking at her as she dances around the subject.*

<Ruby> “I told you - I stepped into some traps for you. You needed a tester, I agreed on the condition you let me out of any trap I get stuck in.” *Ruby smirks widely at the other, not getting how the other didn’t understand her the first time* “You’re not very good at keeping track of the wording of things.”

<Anna> “Right.." *Anna sighs walking away, glancing back at the bedroom.* "Should I put you on the lease? Are you going to be moving in here or something?”

<Ruby> *She quirks an eyebrow at Anna’s looking about and comments, letting out another laugh as she shakes her head* “I thought you were done with the girly bits with your last landlady, angelcake. If we’re done playing Twenty Questions, I think I’ll leave you to your pathetic dellusion of normality for now.”

<Anna> *Anna rolls her eyes* “Please..don’t come back. You really don’t have to talk to me, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you’re the one person I never hear from again besides Crowley.”

<Ruby> “And here I thought you never wanted to talk to your friend and fuck again.” *Ruby snickers, before sending a glance about the house disinterestedly as Anna tries to shoo her off and gets impossibly boring now* “But I guess I’ll come back and annoy you in a few weeks. When you’ve finally either gotten drier than the Sahara desert or are back to being monster playfood.” *Ruby lets out another laugh\ before vanishing*

<Anna> *Anna sighs going and flopping down on the bed..she hates the whole ability of everyone to just randomly appear and disappear.*

#chats

1 note · View note

tallmantall · 11 months

Text

#JamesDonaldson On #MentalHealth – Singer And Actress #CoCoLee’s Death At Age 48 Puts Spotlight On Not-So ‘Happy #HongKong’

#CocoLee BY CHAD DE GUZMAN Fans and fellow entertainers across #Asia are in mourning after the tragic death of #HongKong-born singer-songwriter and actress #CoCoLee on Wednesday at the age of 48. Lee’s sisters Carol and Nancy shared on #Instagram that the artist had been suffering for years from #depression and had attempted to take her own life on Sunday. She was taken to Hong Kong’s Queen Mary Hospital, where she was unable to be resuscitated from a coma and passed away on July 5. Lee—who moved to the U.S. as a #child and released 18 albums in #Mandarin, #Cantonese, and #English between 1994 and 2013—was perhaps most well-known for being the first #Chinese-#American to perform at the Oscars, when in 2001 she sang “A Love Before Time” (from the soundtrack to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), which was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Original Song. Lee was reportedly dealing with a number of health issues in recent years and a strained relationship with her husband, Canadian businessman Bruce Rockowitz. But her sudden passing has also brought attention to the state of #mentalhealth in #HongKong, where deaths by #suicide have consistently plagued the community—particularly during the recent #COVID-19 #pandemic and following the civic unrest and political instability caused by the 2020 implementation of a controversial national security law. “Although CoCo sought professional help and did her best to fight #depression,” Lee’s sisters wrote in their #Instagram post, “sadly that demon inside of her took the better of her.” After news of Lee’s death, fans took to her Weibo page expressing disbelief. “May there be no #depression in heaven,” one user wrote. Several artists have also paid tribute to the late pop star, from action movie star and fellow Hong Konger Jackie Chan to Singaporean singer JJ Lin, who took to #Facebook to say, “I wish life could have been gentler on your soul.” The poor state of #mentalhealth in #HongKong Lee’s death, albeit caused by a confluence of factors, comes amid increasing concerns in #HongKong about mental well-being, challenging the city’s new tourism slogan “Happy Hong Kong.” The city ranked behind 80 countries in the 2022 U.N. World Happiness Report, dropping from 77th the year before, and a 2019 survey from the #HongKong Public Opinion Research Institute and non-government organization MindHK found that 61% of the city’s adult population already has “poor mental well-being.” In May, a University of #HongKong (HKU) study found that some 16% of Hong Kongers aged 15-24 have experienced at least one of five #mentalhealthdisorders—#depression, #anxiety, #panicdisorder, #bipolardisorder, and #psychoticdisorder—in the past year. Of 3,000 survey respondents, nearly a fifth reported #suicidalthoughts in the past 12 months, while 5% and 1.5% had made plans to end their lives or attempted to do so, respectively. Data from the #HongKong Jockey Club’s Centre for #Suicide Research and Prevention showed a slight uptick in #suiciderates (deaths per 100,000) from 2020 and 2021, although generally the #suiciderate has hovered above 12 since 2011. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com While social #stigma already puts those with #mentalhealthissues at a disadvantage, in Hong Kong, #COVID-19 and the deteriorating socio-political situation in the city have contributed to the worsening #mentalhealth of people, particularly #youth, says HKU’s Calvin Cheng, a clinical assistant professor. “Before COVID, already more people seeking for #mentalhealthservice,” Cheng tells TIME, “because more conflict amongst the citizens or the unhappy news in the TV.” And while a government-backed advisory panel on #mentalhealth has promoted #education and awareness in #HongKong, Eric Chen, who chairs HKU’s psychiatry department, tells TIME that the city still lacks a systemic public health program to combat #depression. “The #mentalhealthcare system in #HongKong is disproportionately under-resourced relative to the overall affluence of the city,” he says, adding that those who need to seek non-private #mentalhealthservices have had to wait up to a year. Heidi Lo, another HKU professor who specializes in adult psychiatry, says Lee’s death should be “an alerting signal” to the public: “Even someone as famous as #CoCoLee, who apparently seems to be successful and, from her photos on #socialmedia or on the news, she seems to always smile, like she seems to always be bringing joyful moments to others, but actually, she was facing the problem of #depression.” “I think there is a lot of room for improvement in #HongKong for making sense of it,” Lo says, “and facing it not like a taboo.” If you or someone you know may be experiencing a #mentalhealthcrisis or contemplating #suicide, call or text #988. In emergencies, call #911, or seek care from a local hospital or #mentalhealthprovider. HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 07: Recording artist Coco Lee attends Will.I.Am's Annual TRANS4M Concert Benefitting I.Am.Angel Foundation - Red Carpet on February 7, 2013 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images for TRANS4M) Read the full article

0 notes

inevitably-johnlocked · 3 years

Note

Hey Steph!🌟Do u have any fics with smut that is feelingy, ie more focused on the emotional aspect & how they're feeling while doing it than the phy sensations & descriptions? Hope u get wt I'm saying. Thx in Advance!💖

OOOOO Nonny!��

I’ve got just the list for you! and it will give me an excuse to do a part two to another list of mine!! <3

I do have a Sensuality list in the works, so look out for that in a while, but I think for now this list and the “see also” is perfect for you!

Feel free, friends, to add your own!

EMOTIONAL LOVE MAKING Pt. 2

See also: Emotional Love Making Pt 1 || [MOBILE POST]

Just Like That by sussexbound (E, 8,442 w., Ch. 1 || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, French Kissing, Anal, Emotional Lovemaking, Enthusiastic Consent, Tenderness, Crying John, Bathing/Washing, Insecure John, Toplock) – John doesn’t want to talk anymore. He wants. Oh dear god, how he wants. For the first time in what feels like years he WANTS.

My First, My Only, and My Forever by vintagelilacs (E, 6,220 w., 1 Ch. || Post-ASiB, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Bum, John’s Scar, Sherlock POV, Body Worship, Fingering, Bottomlock, Promise of Forever / Proposals, Misunderstanding, First Kiss/Time, Loss of Virginity, Virginity Kink, Seduction) – Sherlock narrowed his eyes. He was missing a vital piece of data, he was sure. John had been looking at him oddly ever since they left Buckingham Palace, and the ensuing incident with Irene Adler had only exacerbated his erratic behaviour. What was it? Why would he care that Sherlock was a virgin? There was nothing reminiscent of mockery or pity in his gaze. And then it hit him. John Watson was aroused.

The Haunting of 221B Baker Street by earlgreytea68 (M, 10,388 w., 2 Ch. || Post TRF, Halloween / Ghosts, Pining Sherlock, Ghost Sherlock, Stroppy Sherlock, Sherlock POV, First Kiss/Time, Angry Sex, Ghost Sex, Love Confessions, Open / Ambiguous Ending) – In which Sherlock Holmes is a ghost.

To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.

The Invocation of Saint Margaret by Ewebie (E, 15,831 w., 1 Ch. || POV John, Crossing Timelines, Light Angst, Fluff, Series 3 John / Series 1 Sherlock, The Matchbox, Mushy Romance, First Time, Bisexual John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Sensuality, Emotional Love Making, Snippets of Time) – When Sherlock Holmes opens the matchbox from The Sign of Three and John finds himself years in the past, back to that first dinner at Angelo's with a much younger Sherlock Holmes. Is he dreaming?

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

The Wisteria Tree by SilentAuror (E, 29,773 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Emotional Love Making, Amnesia/Memory Loss, Sherlock Loves John So Much, Sherlock POV, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, First Times, Hurt/Comfort, Est. Rel., Retirement) – Sherlock wakes up from a month-long coma only to discover that he has no memory of the previous six years to his own shock as well as John's...

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w., 27 Ch. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #emotional love making #my fic recs #e-rated fics #Anonymous #long post

88 notes · View notes

rickstexaschick · 6 years

Text

Coach Sanchez: Chapter 3

Originally posted on AO3 under rickdicted’s Random Picks at:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15708732/chapters/37250324

We eventually left the gym after playing around in the shower together for a little bit longer. No fucking, just kissing and fondling. I was melting in his arms and eager for more, but he said we needed to leave before the cleaning staff came.

He insisted on driving, said my car would be ok for the night. He did let me move it so that it was closer to the entrance of the building and well-lit by the parking lot lights. He laughed while I struggled to haul myself up into the passenger seat of his high SUV, then we drove off.

We hit a fast food restaurant drive-thru and he ordered without asking me what I wanted, probably because I was slumped in the seat, drifting into that stage of torpor of one who’s ingested too much alcohol in a short amount of time. When he dropped the bags into my lap the smell of fried potatoes brought me out of my stupor and I immediately began shoving French fries in my mouth. Rick laughed under his breath.

I gave him a “quit laughing at me” look, but did slow down my pace. There’s something about French fries and having had too much alcohol — somehow your drunken brain knows that this is some kind of cure, or at least a band-aid, that will help soak up the remaining alcohol in your stomach and keep you from descending into an out and out coma.

Rick reached down into one of the bags and pulled out a burger. He started to unwrap it, holding his elbows on the steering wheel, but I snatched it from him before we ended up in a ditch. I unwrapped half of it, folding the wrapping back so it would catch any drippings, and handed it back to him with some napkins. He wolfed it down and balled up the paper and popped it into the bag. I ate mine at a slightly slower, more lady-like pace, but still finished it pretty quickly. Lunch had been a very long time ago.

We continued to eat the fries in silence as he drove us into an older neighborhood close to the University that was all small- and medium-sized Craftsman bungalow-style houses. I knew that a lot of faculty lived here. His was a one-story with a small front yard. He parked his Explorer in the garage and we went in the backdoor, I could hear a dog barking inside. A small, brown lab-mix was waiting for us and rushed Rick as soon as he went in. The dog was panting and barked at Rick, waving it’s tail and looking up at him adoringly for attention. Rick leaned down and gave him a rough, affectionate rub.

”Hey, Morty, you — you ready to go out?” He let the dog out into the backyard, then shut the door. He turned to me and handed me the fast food bags.

”Take these into the den, babe.” He took my gym bag, which I had slung over my shoulder, and disappeared into the back of the house.

I wandered into the den and sat down on the sofa, setting the bags down on the coffee table. There really wasn’t much food left—we’d devoured most of the fries like a pair of vultures at a fresh roadkill. A ginger tabby cat was curled up on the back of the couch, sleeping. I was kind of sobering up and beginning to wonder what I was doing there and what would happen next, when Rick reappeared. He carried two open bottles of beer by their necks in one hand and a large glass of water. He set the beers down then handed the glass to me, plus two pills that were curled into his fingers inside his palm.

“Take these. You — you’ll be glad — you’ll thank me in the morning.”

I looked at the pills and eyed them with some suspicion—there’d been talk in the news about girls getting drugged up at bars. Guys would drop something into their drink when they weren’t looking, then take them home and rape them. But Rick and I had already screwed around...

”Wh-what? You -- you think I’m gonna roofy you? Kind of too late for that — you already did it for me.”

He had a point. I popped the pills and swallowed them with about half the glass of water.

”Move it, Sum-Sum.” He nudged the cat until it jumped off the couch with an offended meow and stalked off. “Bitch cat...” he muttered.

He sat down next me. He leaned forward and picked up a beer, then sat back and put his arm around my shoulders with a comfortable familiarity. It felt right, and I leaned into him, resting my head against his chest and closing my eyes. I didn’t know how I knew, but everything about this just felt...right...

So often in the past I’d gotten myself into similar situations, drinking too much alcohol with a guy I barely knew. Then the robot from that dumb 60s sci-fi TV show would pop up in my head:

“Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!!”

And that’s when I knew I had to get the fuck out of there, fast. Fortunately that robot always appeared in my head just in time, would snap me out of my drunken, lustful state so that I could extricate myself from a bad situation.

But not this time. No robots, no warnings in my head. Just...a feeling of safe, easy...comfortableness... I sighed and relaxed against him. The alcohol was starting to kick in again, and I felt myself growing sleepy, enjoying the feeling of his arm around me, the warmth of his chest through his shirt and against my face. I gave in to it. All of it.

I heard the tv turn on to a local evening news program, then he turned the volume down low and let the remote drop onto the couch beside me before he put his hand around my arm again. He began caressing my arm lightly with his fingers, playing up and down. We sat there quietly for a bit, and my mind drifted off.

He leaned forward slightly and I heard him place his empty beer on the table and pick up the other one before he sat back again. His hand resumed its slow caressing on my arm.

“Hey...” He said softly, squeezing my arm lightly. “You fallin’ asleep on me?”

“Mm—mmm. I’m just...restin’ my eyelids...” I sighed and turned my body more towards him and snuggled my head deeper against his chest. Then I wrapped my arm around his stomach and snaked the other behind his back, clasping my hands together around his waist.

He chuckled, a low rumble that reverberated in his chest and against my ear. He brought his hand up and lightly palmed my head, and I felt his lips as he softly kissed my hair. Then he began lazily running his fingers up and down my back, lightly dragging his nails on the downward stroke, then slowly pulling the pads of his fingers with more pressure on the upstroke.

This was an unexpected side of him that I wouldn’t have thought existed. Not after he’d been such an asshole to me from the moment I met him. My sleepy brain decided to set this conundrum on the back burner of my subconscious to deal with later. He drank his beer quietly and watched tv while I dozed against his chest, my mind hung somewhere in that half-wakeful state between a light sleep and a drunken fog. The next thing I knew he was tapping me lightly on my head.

”Hey...sleepy head. Time for bed.” He stood up, pulling me to a standing position. My eyes refused to remain open for longer than just a few second stretches and he led me by the hand down a hall to his bedroom. I peered at the digital clock on his bedside table and was surprised that only 30 minutes had passed since we’d arrived at his house. Time enough for him to watch the news and drink those beers. Sleepily I pulled off all my clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor, then I climbed up on his bed and crawled under the covers, heedless of his reaction.

”Jesus..." He laughed. "You’re a cheap, no frills date.” He stripped naked and slid under the covers next to me. “You don’t snore, do you, babe?” He pulled me into his arms so that my back was flush against his chest.

”Don’t think so. Next time, don’t get me so drunk so fast,” I mumbled into the pillow. “I can be...lotta fun...I think...”

Chuckling, he pulled the covers over us, then tucked my head under his chin and wrapped his arms tight around me.

”I’ll let you know in the morning.”

”Mmm’k.” I was past talking. The last thing I remember was feeling him plant another kiss on my head, then I fell asleep.

*****

I woke up the next morning and realized with some panic that I was naked and in a strange bed. I lifted my head up and carefully got up on one elbow and peered around the room in the predawn light, trying to place where I was, remember how I got there, and, most importantly, with whom... A large hand gently pulled me back down against the warm body behind me...and then I remembered.

Holy crap, I'd slept with the racquetball coach!

I lay next to him in the bed, stiff with fear and uncertainty. His hand caressed my breasts and my nipples tightened.

Traitorous bitches.

"What's the matter, baby girl?" He murmured into my hair, his voice gruff and low.

"I...have an early class..." My mind was racing with how to get myself out of this situation.

"No...No, you don't,” he mumbled. “I saw -- read your course list for the semester. No classes today. Just stay here." He sounded like he was still half asleep and talking with his eyes closed.

Fuck. It's not that I wanted to leave... I just didn't know how to handle this. What was my next move supposed to be? Was this going to be a quick fling for him? I didn't know if I could deal with that -- regardless if I was going to have him as my coach for the rest of the semester. I just wasn't ready for yet another drunken one night stand. My mind was racing, worrying.

He grunted in amusement. "The sober light of dawn. Literally... Baby girl, quit thinkin’ ‘bout it...”

It was like he was reading my thoughts!

He wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close to him, sighing deeply. Like he wanted to go back to sleep.

”Come on, honey. It’s early. Let’s just...go back t'sleep...” He began caressing my hip, lightly running his fingers across my skin.

It felt nice — non-threatening, soothing. And that robot still hadn’t made an appearance inside my head...

Sighing, I closed my eyes and settled against him, enjoying the feeling of his fingers.

His hand continued its slow play on my hip. Gradually the circle of his caress widened. Down my abdomen, then back up — just under my breasts, then across and going down again, skirting along the of edge of my pubic hair. Going everywhere and yet nowhere. I lay there with my eyes closed, wondering if the next pass of his fingers was going to take him...No, not yet.

I felt myself growing damp with excitement. I didn’t notice that I was breathing quicker, or that my feet were sliding against each other a little and that my thighs were rubbing together just slightly.

Soon his fingers were ghosting over my nipples and they tightened into stiff peaks. I held my breath, hoping he would... I sighed with disappointment. He didn’t. Then I held my breath again as he reached lower on the next downward pass. This time his hand was over my pubic hair, his fingertips oh, so close to my clit — I could feel the warmth radiating from his skin. My hips tilted forward of their own volition, seeking his touch. He hovered there momentarily, his thumb lightly stroking my skin at the edge of my pubic hair, then he continued along my stomach.

I sighed with disappointment again, this time a little more audibly. My butt rubbed back and forth against him as it settled back in place. I didn’t realize how obvious I was being. I thought my movements were subtle, small. Hardly noticeable.

He kissed my shoulder. His lips were soft, warm. His breath on my skin sent goose bumps out over my body and I shivered. This was nice! Pounding and fucking were one thing, but this...this gradual, teasing build up... There was something to be said for this! I lay there in his arms, enjoying the sensations, the feel of his hand on my skin, the anticipation of what he would do next...

On his trip back up to my breasts he slid his whole palm around one breast, trapping the nipple between two fingers. He cupped my breast in his large, warm hand and lightly pinched the nipple. I moaned a little and shifted my body against his. He pinched and rolled my nipple — not painfully. Just to stimulate. Then, too soon, he was moving on.

He reached down and stroked my upper thighs and without realizing I was doing it I opened my legs slightly, tilting my hips forward again, like an offering.

Which he ignored and returned his attention to my boring stomach.

Oh, God... I thought I was going to explode with the sensations that were building up inside of me! The eager anticipation of what he would do next. He kept his hand on my stomach, tracing his fingers back and forth, holding his huge palm against my skin. It was warm and strong, and I wanted his palm pressing against my clit, those fingers reaching into my pussy instead. I sighed with frustration and rubbed my ass against him. His cock was hot and huge and pressing up against me.

”Lift your leg, babe...” He helped me raise my leg, pulling it back so that it was draped across his legs. Then finally, finally, he reached between my legs and slowly began to play. I jerked involuntarily when his fingers touched my clit. I didn’t realize how swollen and sensitive it had become, and I made a soft noise, like a whine. I bumped and ground into his hand, wanting more.

”Ssshhhhh..." His voice was soothing and low. "I’m gonna make you feel good, baby girl, yeah? Take my time for you, make you wet and ready...” Then his warm lips were on the back of my neck and shoulders, kissing and sucking, his tongue stroking against my skin.

I thought I was ready for him, I knew I was. I was throbbing with the need to have him inside me. But he continued slowly stroking my clit with his fingers, circling, pressing. I bumped and ground against his hand shamelessly, I couldn’t help it. I was moaning and keening, over and over. I wanted so badly for him to just fuck the shit out of me, quit fucking around, no pun intended...

Then he reached inside me with his thumb and pressed up against my walls, stroking, pressing forwards, trapping my clit in between and rubbing it hard with his fingers. Suddenly a white lightening bolt of pleasure shot through me and I cried out as I came. He gently pushed his fingers inside me and I felt hot spurts of liquid gush around his fingers as he stroked in and out. My orgasm slowly rolled through me and I moaned and ground down into his hand.

”Oh, please...please. I want you inside me...” I realized I was begging but didn’t care. None of my other partners had made me feel this way, made me cum so hard with just their fingers...To be honest, no one had ever really tried...

”Say my name...” His voice was low in my ear.

”What...?” My brain was foggy with the afterglow of the orgasm and addled by my lust.

”Say my name...say it...”

”Ri-Rick...Rick! Fuck me, please, Rick!” I bumped against his hand and ground my ass against his cock.

He lifted my leg and pushed his hips forward. I felt the soft, velvety head of his hot cock seeking my entrance and I reached down and guided him inside. He thrust deep and hard and I cried out with a mix of pain and pleasure. He was so huge, and I wanted to take all of him at once. I ground down hard against him, squeezing my walls around him.

He grunted and grabbed hold of my hips, holding me still. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear, sending more shivers down my spine. ”Take it easy — go slow, babe. Let’s make this a marathon, not a sprint...”

l laughed, feeling like the tables had been reversed. Usually I was the one who wanted my partner to slow down, because I wasn’t ready yet, while they immediately started pounding into me like a horny rabbit, eager to breed. Maybe this is why some women liked dating older men...

He kissed the back of my neck and started to slowly stroke in and out of me. Holy God, it felt so good! His cock dragged across my g spot. Just like a heat-seeking missile, it knew right where to go. I knew he wanted me to go slowly but I couldn’t help it. I groaned and ground myself down into him with each inward push, then I’d squeeze my walls tight around him as he pulled back out.

”Christ, you’ve got a sweet, tight, pussy. Fuck...” I could tell he was struggling to keep a slow pace. “Touch yourself, baby girl. I wanna feel you cum on me...”

I wasn’t all that comfortable with touching myself while having sex with a guy, and I hesitated, literally growing still.

��It’s okay, baby. There’s nothing wrong with it...” He reached forward and slowly stroked my clit while he continued to move in and out of me, and I gasped at having the two sensations at once. I squeezed down on him as hard as I could, reveling in the way his cock felt as it passed back and forth over that tight bundle of nerves while at the same time having my clit rubbed...Soon I was babbling with the need for more.

”Oh, God, Rick...You feel so...This just...It feels so good....Just...Don’t stop...Please...” I ground down into his hand and rubbed against him.

”That’s it baby girl...Cum for me, yeah? Cum on my cock. I wanna feel you squeeze me tight.”

At those words I cried out. The next thing I knew I felt like I was tumbling, falling off a cliff. Lost in a free-fall of pleasure as my orgasm spread through every nerve ending in my body. My walls spasmed around him over and over, sending more waves coursing through me. My body shuddered and I gasped and whined, calling his name. He’d taken his hand away from my clit and held onto my hips while he stroked me through my orgasm, making it go on and on. No one had ever made me cum so hard and for so long before.

And yet he still hadn’t cum, himself.

”Good girl...” He kissed the back of my neck and held me close while my body continued to tremble with the aftershocks of my orgasm. Then he took my hips, lifting me.

”Get up, baby. On your knees for me...”

Still feeling weak and breathless, I got on my hands and knees, opening my legs. He moved behind me, then gently pushed my shoulders down until I was resting in my elbows with my ass high in the air.

”God, you’ve got a sweet, round ass...” He slapped one cheek lightly and I jumped, moaning. He chuckled and softly rubbed the slap spot. He stroked my cheeks, then slapped me again, a little harder. I moaned and pushed against him.

He chuckled. “You like that, huh, baby girl? We’ll save that for later...For now I just wanna fuck you...”

With one knee he spread my legs wider, then he reached forward and brushed my clit. I moaned in anticipation and opened myself for him.

"Christ, you're practically dripping for me, aren't you, baby girl?" He pushed his cock against me and before I could even think about helping him he thrust deep inside me with a loud groan of pleasure.

”Jesus, you’re so hot and slick...” Slowly he began to move in and out, opening me up. But soon he picked up the pace, grunting as he held onto my hips, pulling me against him as he pounded into me, snapping his hips hard against my ass and driving deep enough to hit my cervix. I cried out with each thrust as I felt myself building back up to another orgasm. His fingers gripped my hips so hard, I knew I’d have bruises.

”Fuck, baby. You’re so tight. Aw, fuck, you feel so fucking good! Jesus Christ...” His words trailed off as he grunted with each thrust.

I bucked my hips against him, trying to keep up with his relentless pace. But I couldn’t keep up with him and so I just dropped my head down to the pillow and gave in to the pleasurable sensations. Soon I was moaning and sobbing uncontrollably with each thrust and crying out his name. I couldn’t help the wailing sounds that were coming from my mouth. They were almost animalistic in quality. I was too lost in the buildup of another orgasm to care.

Rick groaned as he pounded into me, praising me and telling me how great I felt and how hard he was going to make us both cum. I started spilling over into another orgasm and I cried out his name in a long keening wail as it washed over me.

”Oh, Christ, baby...Here I cum... Fuck! Fuckin’ fuck!!” He thrust deep inside me, hard enough to hurt, holding his hips against me, his whole body shaking. I felt his cock throb as he sent hot spurts of cum high inside me. He stroked in and out, riding out his orgasm. Then he pulled out of me and I moaned at the loss of fullness. I slumped down to the bed, feeling like my bones had left my body. He lay down beside me and pulled the covers over us, then he wrapped me in his arms and pulled me against his chest.

“Ok, baby girl...” He said somewhat raggedly. ”Now...now we can — let’s go back t' sleep. ‘K?”

I sighed with deep contentment and drifted off to sleep in his arms.

tbc

#Rick Sanchez #Coach Sanchez #OC Rick #Rick/Reader #Rickdicted #Rick's Texas Chick #RIck and Morty

12 notes · View notes

writtenkitten18 · 2 years

Text

The New Band in Town: E Z

My name is Ezekiel Ostergaard and I'm selling tickets to my downfall.

Ever since I was a young boy, I've had this darkness weighing on my shoulders. Whenever I would go, it would follow me. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

The only thing that could stop the voices in my head is Elie.

She's technically my older sister by 7 1/2 minutes, but we shared a womb for 9 months. She has always been there to protect me from bullies and anyone that threatened my safety. All I had to do was think of her name and all my demons would fall silent.

But when the demons took over and wouldn't go away, that was when I decided to turn to drugs.

I took my first pill when I was 16. At first, I would only mess around with molly and ecstasy. It wasn't legal per se but it helped calm the darkness inside of me. When I turned 18, I got tattoos as a way to express myself creatively.

Shortly after that, I stuck a needle in my arm for the first time.

The heroin didn't affect me that much. All it did was take the edge off. 6 years pass and I couldn't get out of bed unless I did a hit.

The day that me and my sister turned 24 was also the day I overdosed.

My dealer claimed he got a new shipment in and he didn't charge me as much as I usually did. I had so much drugs in my system that I died in the OR for a few minutes. The doctors were going to give up when my heart started beating again. They put me in a medically induced coma for 4 days until I woke up. Elie was there and I felt horrible about putting her through this horror show.

I let her down and I will never forgive myself for doing that to her.

I willingly chose to do 30 days so I could get my shit together and fight my demons. It wasn't easy, but I kept my hopes up and I pushed through all of the withdrawals for Elie.

I needed to stay strong. For her.

After the 30 days, it took awhile to get back into the swing of things. That was before Elie saw a flyer that was posted outside the Roxy about starting a band. I was skeptical because you can't trust people nowadays. But after she got off the phone with person yesterday, she was hopeful and she said the person sounded pretty cool, so theres only one thing left to fo.

It's time to make a demo.

#Andy Biersack #Bella Thorne #Booboo Stewart #Amanda Steele #Halsey #Megan Thee Stallion #Dove Cameron #Machine Gun Kelly #Johnny Faust #Lily Mayflower #Vic Lakota #Vivien Thomas #Paradise City #Paradise City TV show #Johnny Faust x OC x Gretchen Ruth #Lily Mayflower x OC #Vic Lakota x OC #Vivien Thomas x OC

1 note · View note

Last Seen Blogs

mobylak

www.mobylak.com

ideachurch50

The Life of Kaas 473

so-let-us-be-late

just some nerdy shit

tiktoks-for-tired-tots

xoberecords-blog

Xobe Records