#about >> the world is a bad place and sometimes we have to do bad things to survive
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the tragedy of the rat grinders wanting to be heroes before this all started and the bad kids being forced yet again to save the world because no one else can or will. the tragedy of lack of choice.
#d20#fhjy#fantasy high#the bad kids#the rat grinders#i want to know about lucy and kipperlilly's dynamic#i want to know what the high five heroes did before they were angry#but also#i love when the teen murder happens in the teen murder show bc it's fun to see how well the bad kids fight bc of how well they know#each other vs how the rat grinders seem to not be in tune to what's happening to each person in the battlefield#mechanically what an entertaining fight#echo chamber#forced to save the world so much so that all they are to the world is a legacy#they aren't kids#they can't make mistakes they can't experience anything they can't focus on being a kid#bc if they do the world ends#and the rat grinders fighting for a place in the world to be remembered#to matter in the grand scheme of things#bc they know they could be capable they are capable but why couldn't they make a mark#are they not good enough?#both sides have lost so much !#sometimes there are no good and bad guys in truth#just the side we see more of and the side we see less of
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I'm bringing this to you instead of making my own post because I'm not sure I'm qualified to make an observation, but it's kinna weird Ruben explicitly goes to Fig's domain in Hell to essentially be her slave/sweat shop worker, right?
Yes, my take is that this is actually kinda icky. For clarity, I am only part white but entirely nonblack.
It was obviously entirely not intentional. I wouldn't be surprised if no Intrepid Hero other than Lou has actually thought about Ruben as a Black character. It is in these moments of essentially colorblind thoughtlessness that accidentally icky things happen sometimes.
It is also very much muddied by the fantasy elements.
It's already canon that Fig has control of a whole lot of people and what they're going to do for eternity. If we didn't have this fantasy lens that'd be pretty fucked up! Fig felt bad earlier this season about making a guy rock who didn't want to. Hell is fucked up. The status quo of the world that they live in (the hierarchy of which Fig is part of) is fucked up.
It isn't fair to Fig to completely remove the fantasy lens when looking at that moment. But yes, it's also kinda established that the place Ruben is being punished is Fig's recording studio, which she intends to use to benefit her career and most likely financially profit.
Emily was not thinking about this. (Fig wasn't thinking about this either, she's huffing rage dust or whatever, etc.) Let's just go ahead and assume she meant only cords that are specifically unspooled for him to spool, like a recording studio themed Sisyphus. That's the place hell traditionally is. When the devil jabs you with a pitchfork, he's not traditionally selling your blood. That's the touchstone in her head when she very quickly thinks about what she's going to make happen.
It's still an icky moment, even if this gets reversed next episode. It makes me go "eugh" to think about. I don't expect anything from the cast for that. They are improv comedians. In order for them to be funny, they have to be free enough that sometimes! Icky things get through the filter.
It's still worth acknowledging.
The fandom for this show can spot potentially racist implications when Grix casts Dominate Monster on Riz.
We can spot it when Ivy says Mazey could be "worn like a coat."
The fandom for this show can spot the racial dynamic of Gorgug, a half-orc adopted by gnomes, pursuing both Artifice and Barbarianism and rocking the shit out of both. We can spot what it might parallel when Porter makes that difficult for him, when people don't believe that these two things can work together.
Meanwhile I literally saw someone call Henry Hopclap a racist who thinks "cute little gnomes" can't be real artificers, because he referred to Gorgug's parents as tinkerers who taught him practical engineering. (This person was confused and thought Henry was a halfling when they formed this opinion, so set that to the side, it changes nothing about the point here.)
What does it mean if a fandom can be prepared to rush to Gorgug's defense and label Henry a racist for having a mildly abrasive manner, but that same fandom can't spot the dynamics invoked when a young educated Black man is confident in his education and even dares to imply that he might be more educated than some white people he met at a DIY fair?
What does it mean if we can spot any potential slight of members of fictional races who symbolize targets of racism, but have nothing to say when a Black character's soul passes (violently) to the control of a white* character, and that white* character tells him she's going to make him do menial labor for the rest of his eternal life?
(*I know she's a tiefling, fantasy racism isn't real racism, but I hope we can at least all agree that she's definitely nonblack.)
It's worth pointing out.
And yes btw, I understand that there's defensiveness on Emily's behalf because of the extreme misogyny she has been subjected to by fans in the past. That's fucked up and it isn't okay. This isn't a reason to harass her either. It's not even something to judge her entire character about. But the fear that it might fuel that shouldn't prevent us from ever being able to acknowledge when moments like this happen.
#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy spoilers#racism cw#antiblackness cw#fandom racism#fandom antiblackness
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Secretly Bad
Goo Gunil
Summary: You always wondered why your best friend, secret villain Gunil, and your other friend hated each other. Things start to make sense when you discover Gunil’s real identity. (non-idol au)
WC:~1k
Warning:none
part 2
photo not mine credits to owner.
“Jay over here!” you called your friend over.
“Why are you calling him over here?” Gunil grumbled. You let out a sigh.
“Can I not talk to my friend? Plus I have to give him his charger back,” you say. “Here’s your charger. Thanks for letting me borrow it.” You handed Jay his charger back once he walked over to where you and Gunil stood.
“Anytime. I’m always willing to help you,” he said, making Gunil scoff.
“They don’t need your help.” Gunil glared at Jay with a very dark gaze.
“I think they need my help more than they realize.” Jay raised a brow tauntingly at Gunil.
“I think you’re the one who’s gonna need help,” Gunil threatened, taking a couple steps closer to Jay.
“Oh yeah?” Jay took a step closer to Gunil as well.
“Hey.” You immediately stepped in, putting your hand on Gunil’s arm and pulling him back, separating the two of them. “What’s with you two? The tension is thicker than usual. I know you two hate each other, but this seems like a bit much,” you expressed.
“It’s nothing y/n.” Gunil placed his hand over yours, that was on his arm. You miss the look he sends over to Jay. “Like you said we hate each other,” Gunil dismissed.
“But you two seem to hate each other extra today,” you noted.
“I guess Gunil is just grumpy today. Maybe something happened yesterday that upset him,” Jay states. The look on his face as he speaks is as if he knows something.
“Did something happen?” You checked on Gunil. Looking at him with eyes of concern.
“I guess life has been a bit annoying recently”– He shoots a look towards Jay –“but it’s nothing serious. Don’t worry.” Gunil patted head affectionately.
“You know you can always talk to me right?” you say.
“Of course I know. You’re the person who cares about me most.” Gunil smiles at you.
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Life was going perfectly well for secret villain Gunil. He was getting away with every crime he was committing. His favorite part was watching the news after he committed a crime and watching all the clueless people speculate about who could be committing such crimes. No one had any clue that it was him. Not even you, his best friend.
Gunil did feel slightly guilty about keeping his villainous identity from you, but he didn’t want your view of him to change. He wanted to keep being your best friend, who may or may not be in love with you. Even he himself thinks it's funny sometimes. He’s in love with you and is terrified of losing you, yet he can’t stop committing crimes. Instead he keeps his villain side of him a secret.
His secret double life was all fun and games. That was until secret hero Jay turned up. Jay just always had to get in the way of his fun. Stopping the explosive from blowing up the old water tower. Trying to stop him from robbing the jewelry store. (He wanted to get you a bracelet for your birthday) Saving the town gossip from the snake he released in her office. Jay always had to ruin Gunil’s plans. It was annoying, but nothing Gunil couldn’t huddle. However, last night's interaction with Jay really irked him.
“How would y/n feel if they knew her beloved best friend was the town’s villain?”
“Y/n doesn’t concern you,” Gunil states firmly.
“I think they do. They’re the person I like, so obviously they’re my concern,” Jay stated. How dare he like you. You were his. No one could take care of you like he could.
“But if it came down to them or the world, who would you save?” Gunil prompted.
“What?” Jay asked.
“You’re the town’s hero right? So if it came to saving the town or the world, who would you save? Would it be y/n or all the other innocent people?” Gunil arched his brow.
“What are you planning?” Jay interrogated. Gunil laughed evilly.
“I just want your answer. Y/n or the world?” Gunil prompted once more.
“Why does it matter? That day will never come,"Jay states.
“Will see about that.” Gunil disappears right after. He has a lot of scheming to get to.
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You woke up in an unfamiliar room feeling very disoriented. You tried to move your hands only to discover that they had been bound together behind your back. You also realize that you’re tied to a chair and you hear beeping?
“Oh good you’re up. You were sleeping for a while. I was starting to get scared that I gave you too many sleeping pills.” The voice that spoke sounded way too familiar. The town villain then walked into your view. “Although I supposed you’re up just in time. The show should be starting soon,” he smiled. It was a smile you’ve seen before.
“Why do you seem familiar?” you asked.
“Cause he’s Gunil.” Jay enters the room. He’s dressed just like the town’s hero. Things start clicking into place. Gunil and Jay hate each other. It always felt like they were speaking in code.
“Gunil?” you say. Gunil removed the mask that was covering the majority of his face.
“I kinda wonder how you never realized that it was me before. I mean I am your best friend. I’m sorry that I never told you before. I didn’t know if me being the town’s villain would make you hate me or not,” he tells you.
“What’s going on? Why did you tie me up and what’s that beeping sound?” you questioned.
“It’s time for Jay to make his choice.” Gunil chuckles sinisterly. “You know it’s the grand opening of the new mall today. I have bombs planted there. Just like the one here.” Gunil tapped the bomb on the back of your chair. “They both are set to go off in five minutes and you can’t both here and there, so Jay y/n or the world?” Gunil inquired.
part 2
Taglist: @purplelady85 @gingerjunhan @chewednails @ezlynkisses @mon2sunjinsuver @mxlly143
A/N: I kinda hate this.... hope someone else likes it lol
#xdinary heroes#xdh#xdh imagines#xdh x reader#xdinary heroes imagines#xdinary heroes x reader#xh gunil#xdh gunil#gunil x reader#goo gunil#koo gunil#gunil#goo gunil x reader#koo gunil x reader
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haha oh no im definitely not at all disturbed by the prevalence of leftists on all platforms who are loudly 'anti-genocide' when it comes to the palestinian cause (and a couple others at best :3c) yet the only time ukraine [ʊkrɐˈjinɐ] leaves their mouths is in critique, in stark comparison to the former or in complaint about their (american) government sending aid.
at first what i saw often was pointing out the differences in western media framing [ukraine vs palestine], and that's fair (until the words and the agenda of western journalists are used to paint, as a whole, ukrainians who have been actively going through genocide as some kind of white supremacists hogging the blanket of global attention when they kinda just want to live and have the rights to their own land, culture, names and families)
but no one is even caring to do that anymore, today bitches just invent metaphorical scenarios and people to get mad at and to throw an entire ethnos away because wahhhh i decided that you care for X but not for Y!!!.... all while doing the exact thing they are condemning. the exact absolute same and they don't even hide it but do lack the self-awareness to realise
#'ohh i saw white people still go out to rally for ukraine' yeah have you considered they are ukrainian or have ukrainian loved ones or uh#simply have humanity in their heart to care about several humanitarian tragedies in the world?#this is both aimed at a post i saw on here and at SEVERAL. MANY. twitterians with a thousand palestine flags all over their accounts spewing#misinformation hate and sometimes straight up russian propaganda tactics because they're this fucking insane#i don't care about sounding nice anymore by the way. i know my heart lies in the right place and i have the capacity to care about more than#one ongoing genocide of indigenous peoples#removed incidents of bad actors having a ukrainian flag on their backpack doing hateful shit does not somehow okay dismissing a genocide you#so vehemently claim to oppose. they are not ukrainians who are getting bombed on the daily for years#i saw a very lovely 🍉🕊️ lady denying holodomor and using literal russian talking points while patting herself on the back for being such#a good person. i saw one of the most popular leftie accs on twitter be actively anti-ukraine and using slurs. luckily we mass reported them#and they're gone#i'm no longer being careful with my words because i don't want to be misconstrued. i know my values go beyond twitter and tumblr#if i catch you in any way undermining the genocide of ukrainians or only bringing it up to point fingers and bitch i am blocking you forever#don't care how far this post might go cuz of ppls questionable use of the search function. and i didn't care to censor anything#like. masks off. just block me if this is your rhetoric
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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whatever you do, do not give freya access to the internet because she will fall for the first phishing attempt and kill her computer ( also cause she can't melt brains over the internet so how will she win debates 😔 and then you'll be dealing with a grumpy witch )
#about >> the world is a bad place and sometimes we have to do bad things to survive#ooc#// she can astral project and melt ur brain then but that's complicated and not very convenient you know //#// in this house i lovingly bully the heck out of freya //
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hello upper middle class northern usamerican tumblr user. i want to play a game. you will notice that you are in a super america convenience store in rural kentucky - you have three minutes to purchase a snack and drink of your choice and make normal small talk with the cashier. however, if you use the word "cryptid" or generally make reference to appalachia and its inhabitants as "wild", uncivilized, or lacking restraint around alcoholic beverages during your time here, i will personally tie you to the chassis of a four wheeler and tip it into the river. live or die. make your choice
#speak friend and enter#i can appreciate mothman as much as the next guy but can we stop treating appalachia like it's the subject of a richard attenborough doc#i come from a long line of hillbillies and i like to think i've got a good sense of humor about it but sometimes i am tested#like. this is not a lawless land with a moonshine still in every holler and nameless voices in the woods!! this is a normal town!!#idk maybe i'm reading too much into it but i'm just tired of the cultural fetishization of appalachia by people who aren't from here#and who don't know anything about it. like yeah you know mothman and what hooch is and that's all well and good#but do you know what the opioid epidemic really is. do you know about the structural injustices that keep people like mcconnell in power#i'm not saying you have to apply dialectical political analysis to every issue that occurs in the region to be able to have an opinion#but also like. i'm tired of people looking at places like where i grew up and making them into things they aren't#like. on the one hand we have ''ooh spooky hills!! run if you hear the trees whisper your name''#and on the other we've got ''isn't appalachia so depressing...so hashtag ethel cain core...shame it's got no value beyond aesthetics''#and on yet another hand we have ''i - a person with no ties to the region - am going to take up the cause of every social issue#occurring across the entire appalachian region so the world will see just how bad these poor hill people have it. i am very smart''#and like. it's frustrating#i'm not saying you should never speak about appalachia if something we have is interesting to you#nor am i implying that i want to gatekeep discussion of the region's issues to the community bc that won't accomplish anything#i'm just saying that like any place it's complex. it's got its good things and it's got its bad things.#and you shouldn't isolate the good from the bad or vice versa - especially if you don't know the context in which those things happen.#and for the love of god dont let your own ignorance cause you to boil down those issues into a reductive and inaccurate set of stereotypes#learn about us from us. not from tiktok not from movies and for christ's sake not from hillbilly elegy. i hate that fucking book#anyway that got weirdly serious but i mean it. putting appalachia as a talking point up on the shelf until y'all can speak intelligently#ok to rb
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i know i need to shut up abt it esp bc i don’t know for sure if i actually got exposed to covid but like. it’s just so fucking frustrating and terrifying. not just in the case of covid but with other things too like driving. you can take every precaution to keep yourself and the people around you safe but all it takes is one selfish careless asshole who can negate that in a heartbeat and ruin your life or maybe even end it in some circumstances. lol
#purrs#ask to tag#complete and utter despair about it all. i feel like such a freak for telling everyone to be safe and be careful all the time but this world#is so fucking scary and we are so fucking helpless. how can i not cast out this desperate fucking plea. this prayer. that harm will not#befall you even if it’s something as small as a drive to the store or a trip to a new place. i just live in fear of the people i love#getting hurt all the time and of myself getting hurt. and covid is fucking scary because we still don’t fuckng know how bad it is really or#what it can do to you in the long term and there’s no way to know if you have it until you find out you have it bc this fucking nightmare#country gutted all the covid infrastructure so it’s like. it’s just really bad. im so scared. ive been so proud of myself lately bc i feel l#like even though im still not doing great ive been less miserable and anxious like a couple months ago i was having breakdowns almost daily#and i feel like ive been getting better and this just has thrown me so bad. there are other things going on too ofc so i know im reacting#really strong but like. throwback to all the asks i just answered where anons were like idk how you even function witb the amount of anxiety#you carry with you all the time and i was reading that like but not anymore! and it turns out… no it’s still there. it just was summer and#i interacted with fewer people and went almost nowhere. and now the semester is starting again and everything is changing and it’s just. bad#also addendum to the first part of my tags: i wish i was brave enough to ask ppl to like. text me when they get to their destination safe or#whatever. i almost never think of it bc it just seems like such a forward boundary crossing thing to do + it was a bad habit from when my#separation anxiety was MUCH worse as a kid. but like… i want o do it and sometimes i need to but i repress it so hard. lawl#also to say i love you sometimes. some ppl it’s really easy and we do it all the time. others i can’t bc it crosses boundaries and it#physically hurts not to. lolll
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The idea that a god-like character with (supposedly) unlimited powers should snap their fingers at the end of a TV series and remove all pain and terrible things in the world so humans no longer had any suffering is the most BAFFLING thing I have ever heard. WHY DID THE SHOW EVER EXIST IF FIXING THINGS WAS THAT EASY??????
#It seems like this 'gotcha' card that overrides any argument someone could have#but it's actually the laziest zero thought behind it belief I have ever seen#And it complete ignores the function and structure of a story#Holy shit#Like... that's literally Adam and Eve before Eve ate the apple#That kind of utopia is literally in the Bible and in general is considered bad#It was certainly painted as bad in the show! Because Eve gave us free will and choice and the opportunity to self-determine who we are#And that's good! That's considered better than the Garden of Eden!#And yes choices have led to the godawful structures in place on Earth today and all the godawful death and suffering that goes with it#BUT THIS STUPID LITTLE TV SHOW ABOUT THE DEVIL WASN'T SPEAKING ABOUT ALL THE EVILS IN THE WORLD!!!#It was talking about how you always have a choice to do better! That everyone can be redeemed!#It's a much MUCH narrower scope because that's what story does! It picks one thing and speaks to it#And sometimes that thing is indeed Wow modern capitalism has completely fucked the world like The Good Place showed#But even The Good Place didn't use the Judge to snap her fingers and change Earth#She could have! She certainly had the power too!#But no instead they argued against wiping out the entire Earth and starting over in favor of revamping the afterlife instead#to allow people a second chance and support to do better#Which is EXACTLY where Lucifer ended up too with the titular character playing therapist in Hell#That is a strong ending! That is a hopeful ending! Because it's speaking to the audience as individuals and saying you have a choice#You always have a choice to do better. No mistake you make is too irredeemable so don't let yourself drown guilt#because guilt fixes nothing. Only your choice to try again can change things#God snapping their fingers and rewriting Earth is not a hopeful; realistic; or satisfying ending to a 6 season show about free will!#It makes no sense!#like jfc I don't want to drag one singular person through the mud but their opinions are just so mind-boggingly to me#It's like beating my head against the wall
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#last night i got to hang out with a bunch of friends#t'was nice. was fun. i had a very good time with them#but now my brain is throwing an entire fit about it afterwards#all 'wahhhh you got a bad grade at social interaction. something that is normal to fear and possible to achieve'#'now suffer for the horrible sin of existing in the physical world where other people can perceive you'#like come ON. chill. it's fine. i promise it's fine. those people were friends! we like them!#like. dnd and work i can do just fine. those things have clear structures for the brain to follow#but loose hangouts where the entire point is to just Be There and Have Fun seem to be a lot harder for the brain#that just means i need more practice! gonna have to invite people over to our place. bake a cake maybe#(also yeah i do realize the vast majority of people from yesterday are my tumblr mutuals. in case any of you happen to see this:#hey hi i love you a lot <3 let's spend more time together sometime)#sussitalk
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finished reading Hell Bent i thought it was the last book in the series but now i have to sit here with a cliffhanger for god knows how long
#i'll wait#the other miss peregrines' books are one the way ^^#apparently there are four tho and i only ordered the second and third one#i thought it was a trilogy#should i get the fourth one? i had never heard of it until it showed up in my recommended after placing my order#only 300 more thriftbooks points until i supposedly get a free book#also i do have Thoughts on hell bent but i'm not in an extensive review-writing mood#i think i liked ninth house more and it's like#in the first book there was some sense of believeability like. the magic was powerful but subtle#hell bent threw all subtly out the window lmao#and it did lose me a bit there but i like the characters and those moments we get to really see inside of them and their pasts#i eat that up#i think that's the nature of Second Books in a series. they always seem to drift a little away from the characters and more into Big Plot.#the third book can either make or break this. sometimes it gets reigned in in the third book and focuses more on the characters.#and sometimes it does the exact opposite#sorry i just like character-driven stories#perhaps i like looking into other people's brains#'oh noooo the world is falling apart and there's a Big Bad on the loose... okay but tell me about how you're haunted by your past'
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#the thing that sucks most about my breakup is the loss of intimacy and kindness#like I really loved being able to have someone where I could show them a poem or a beautiful photo or talk about#the interconnection between beautiful parts of the world#and he didn’t listen politely he understood where I was coming from#like I sent him this New Yorker comic#and I made a joke where I said “I love the musician in you. I hope you love the poet in me#and he said “I think I can do that#I honestly don’t even want to delete the text messages we have because it’s too soon#there’s 2 years of memories there#I’ve never met a man so kind and thoughtful as him and appreciative and loving as him#and I really wish it could have worked out#I know I don’t have a bad life and I’m in a much better place than I was before but I just miss him#it’s so hard to find people sometimes who are kind and meaningful and intentional with their life#and he was my best friend#I honestly don’t want to go to class tom but I do feel better when I get dressed up and go out#because we were in an ldr for a year so I got used to it#I just always thought I was going to meet my life partner at this time in my life but maybe I should just try to get rid of that attachment#maryam's posts#vent#long
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they should invent a stepdad who is normal and says normal things
#i got in an 'argument' with him the other day and i thought with the help of my mom we resolved it but apparently no#hes still mad. and acts like its my problem im upset#when all i asked of him in the first place was to talk to me with some basic respect even if hes stressed out it doesnt give him the right#to talk to me like that#and he got even more mad at me#saying that i should grow up and get used to people treating me like this because thats what happens in the real world#so i told mom and we talked it out! good ! except now hes being passive agressive about it#hes. fine most of the time but when hes bad hes either moderately rude or the worst person youve ever met#and if i tell him to stop treating me bad hell just act like its my problem for being upset when he fucking started it#so theres no way to speak to him about it without my mom there because he gets mad and i panic and lose all ability to talk beyond like#1 or 2 word sentences and a few guestures#if he wasnt strong enough to snap me in half with the fighting knowledge on how to do that i would maybe have a chance#but i dont unfortunately#hes god awful terrifying sometimes#it would probably be less stressful to defuse a bomb than it is to talk to him#the nicest thing hes said to me he said to me while blackout drunk#theres no use speaking out against him anymore ive tried and ive failed#even though ''i dont like it when people make fun of me'' is like. a basic concept#he says autistic behavior is normal to him because his friendgroup all has autism but when i show it suddenly its wrong
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in general, freya doesn't trust easily. but she learns to trust a selected few ( mainly her family ) in a battle and with her life much quicker than she trusts them with her feelings and lets herself be vulnerable around anyone.
#ooc#about >> the world is a bad place and sometimes we have to do bad things to survive#// she has emotional maturity of the 5 year old child she was when taken. all dahlia taught her is how to repress and /not/ feel //#// she's so used to doing shit alone it's just second nature no matter how much she might long for connection //
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#sometimes it hits me that we have to go to work for the rest of our lives#we go to work we eat and sleep we get a few days off and that’s it#i’m not made for this world#i don’t care about my career and i’m not good at anything#i’m not passionate about anything i don’t really have any hobbies#it feels like i will never find my place in this world and it scares me#and i know your 20s are weird and stupid and i know i’m still young#but how am i supposed to enjoy life if nothing gives me joy#i don’t wanna make it through the day i wanna enjoy it#i don’t wanna count down the days or hours until something good happens#i don’t wanna waste my time being miserable all day every day#are the little things really enough? is it worth it to have 2 good days and 50 bad ones?#for the past 2 years i’ve been feeling so stuck and lost and miserable i don’t know what to do anymore#and even if i get this new job i have no idea if i’m gonna like it#i’m always so anxious and worried about everything#and i’m really fucking scared#scared that i will never find a job that i like scared that i’m gonna die alone scared that i will do something i regret#scared that i will never be happy#why is life so tucking hard i didn’t sign up for this
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despicable
updates as of 22 oct
Travis Dermott knew that he would draw attention with his actions in the Coyotes’ home opener against the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena on Saturday. The Arizona defenseman just hoped that the spotlight might shine on the issue that he was addressing, not on him.
“You don’t really want to go against rules that are put in place by your employer, but there’s some people who took some positive things from it,” Dermott said. “That’s kind of what I’m looking to impact.
“You want to have everyone feel included and that’s something that I have felt passionate about for a long time in my career. It’s not like I just just jumped on this train. It’s something that I’ve felt has been lacking in the hockey community for a while. I feel like we need supporters of a movement like this; to have everyone feel included and really to beat home the idea that hockey is for everyone.”
“I won’t lie,” said Dermott, who is playing on a one-year, two-way contract. “From the outside, it’s easy to see that I’m putting my career on the line for something. I definitely went through some emotional ups and downs that night, not regretting anything by any means, but I’d love to have maybe done a couple of steps a little different by making sure that everyone was aware of what was going on before I did it.
“I don’t want to put my teammates or my coaches or my GMs or the equipment managers in any kind of bad light when it’s their job to kind of look out for something like this happening. It was definitely something that I did just by myself and was prepared to kind of deal with whatever repercussions the league decides to push towards that. I’m not going to back off and say that this battle is won, but we’re going to find better ways to do it.”
As Dermott noted, LGBTQ+ inclusion is an issue that he has supported for a long time. Without getting into specifics, Dermott said the issue is personal for him because it impacts people close to him.
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed tears about this on multiple occasions,” he said. “So yeah, it’s something I’m definitely very passionate about.
“I’ve met a lot of people that from the outside, it looks like they have everything going right in their life and they have a smile on their face every time they talk to you. But sometimes when we get closer to people and get comfortable enough for them to open up to you, you can see that there’s some pretty dark stuff happening to some good people. It doesn’t take too many times encountering something like that for it to really change someone.
“I’ve been blessed to have some of those opportunities put in front of me to really change my view of what being a good person means; what being a good father and a good example and role model means going forward. You really see how people are hurting and it’s because of a system that maybe no one’s intentionally trying to be malicious about, but until you’ve really had that first-person experience seeing people hurting from it right in front of you, it’s tough to kind of take steps.”
It would be a surprise if the league handed down any sort of punishment. The optics alone would add to the public relations damage that the original ban created. Even so, Dermott reiterated his desire to bring the entire franchise into the fold before he takes similar actions in the future, but he also made it clear that he will not be silenced on the topic.
“It’s not like I’m shutting up and going away,” he said. “I know more questions are going to be coming. We’re just going to be as prepared as we can be to just spread love. That’s the thing. It’s gay pride that we’re talking about, but it could be men’s health. It could be any war. It’s just wanting world peace. Everyone’s got to love each other a little bit more.
“Like my parents said growing up, ‘How awesome would it be to be the guy that people look up to?’ That’s what really hit home when I was a kid, especially from my mom. You want to grow up and be that guy. You want to be the guy that’s having the impact on kids like NHL players had on you. If they had been racist or bigoted, that’s going to have an effect on you.
“With how many eyes are on us, especially with the young kids coming up in the new generation, you want to put as much positive love into their brain as you can. You want them to see that it’s not just being taught or coming from maybe their parents at home. They need to see it in the public eye for it to really make an effect.”
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